“TRUE’s guide is crucial for any person or couple ready,

or who think they’re ready, for a lasting relationship.” SOUL MATES FOREVER:
- Lawrence Rose, President SECRETS TO BUILDING A
LASTING RELATIONSHIP
A TRUE RELATIONSHIP
READINESS TOOLTM
WWW.TRUE.COM

©2005 TRUE. All rights reserved.

 1

SOUL MATES FOREVER:

SECRETS TO BUILDING A LASTING RELATIONSHIP
BY HERB D. VEST

ARE YOU READY TO TAKE THE NEXT STEP?

Your pulse is racing. Sparks are flying. WHAT THIS GUIDE WILL
And every time you see a certain HELP YOU UNDERSTAND
someone, your heart skips a beat. Where are your areas of challenge?
You're in love or you’re ready to be. Are you ready for an exclusive partner?
Life is good and you want to learn Wouldn't you want to find out if there
more about yourself. But how do you are deal breakers before you take a
keep the sparks flying while bringing up relationship to the next level?
important questions about relationship
issues? What exactly is next? Do any of these questions
apply to you? If so, then you need
Clearly, you're not a mind reader. You to decide if the time is right to take
need a way to think through the issues your relationship to the next level.
that can make or break a relationship. Soul Mates Forever will help you
Soul Mates Forever: Secrets to talk about challenging issues openly,
Building a Lasting Relationship which creates a more satisfying, solid
will do that. Created by the Psychology bond. This guide will help you know
Department of True.com, this guide how to think about and act on the
is based on the research behind the material it presents.
TRUE Compatibility TestTM. TRUE’s
research team analyzed information With this in mind, we’ll help you:
from thousands of people to reach • test your readiness for an exclusive
the findings on which this is based. relationship.
• reassess your existing relationship.
This guide is a great way to see if your • use scientifically grounded guidance
passion is merely a flash in the pan to examine areas of challenge.
or based on True CompatibilityTM.

Love does not work at microwave

speed. And resources and websites
that guarantee you marriage or promise
you the love of your life in only a few
days are simply a scam.

Stop and ask yourself: How ready are

you for a relationship? And if you’re
already in one, how warm, hot or
burning are you and your partner?
Or are you running hot and cold?
Where, if anywhere, are you headed?

SOUL MATES FOREVER

A TRUE RELATIONSHIP READINESS TOOLTM
©2005 TRUE. All rights reserved.
 2

FIRST, A FUN, INSIGHTFUL SCIENTIFIC TEST

The TRUE Compatibility Test (TCT)™ is the only one of its kind –
the only online compatiblity test that has been:
• Independently verified in terms of methodology,
findings, algorithms and conclusions
• Approved by experts in the field of tests and measurements as
meeting the 1999 Standards for Psychological and Educational
Testing as established by a joint committee of the American
Educational Research Association, the American Psychological
Association and the National Council on Measurement in
Education.
• Published in academic literature and endorsed
by Psychology Today
In addition, True is the only online dating site to publish
its 119-page technical manual on its site.
Soul Mates Forever works with your TCT results to give you ideas
and questions about certain issues and how to talk to your partner
about them.
If you haven’t taken the TCT, no problem! This guide also works
without the TCT by teaching you about general compatibility
challenges. After you try this, you’ll want to take the TCT.
It’s free. It's fun. And it only takes a few minutes. Just
go to http://www.true.com/profile/pre_test.htm to get started.
From the multimillion-dollar, innovative research that created
the TCT, we examine key relationship concepts to help you
figure out exactly how compatible you and your partner are.

LET’S GET STARTED

READY TO DIVE IN? HERE’S HOW TO GO ABOUT IT:
• Read this material by yourself first to • Keep these discussion points between
figure out how you feel about the issues you and your partner. These exercises are
related to each relationship variable. meant to be private exploration, not fodder
for gossip about a partner or potential partner.
• Then read the material with your partner –
or use the questions to bring up specific • Disagreements are not necessarily bad.
issues – at a time and place that you feel Use different points of view as a way to get
is appropriate. to know your mate better – only through an
adequate period of honesty on both sides
• Don’t stop with one: Have several can two people honestly decide whether this
conversations about the material. Sometimes relationship is right for them and how fast
heated discussions emerge, so allow yourself to pace it.
time to digest what the other is saying. Then
have follow-up discussions to better understand • If disagreements become too
the context of your partner’s views. confrontational or tensions run too high
as you discuss these issues, utilize the free
• Treat this material as discussion points – Therapist Directory from Psychology Today
not as a concrete test of your compatibility with by going to http://therapists.psychology
another person. Getting to know someone today.com/true. It will help you locate a
should be fun, without pressure to decide counselor near you who can help you
whether it is time to take the relationship to address and possibly resolve differences.
the next level.

SOUL MATES FOREVER

A TRUE RELATIONSHIP READINESS TOOLTM
©2005 TRUE. All rights reserved.
 

4(% ")' 0)#452% ,/6% !.$ !44!#(-%.4

,ETS START WITH THE BIG PICTURE OF LOVE AND
ATTACHMENT )T COMPRISES THREE VARIABLES

s PASSION
s INTIMACY
s COMMITMENT

4HESE ARE CRITICAL IN CREATING AND

SUSTAINING A LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP

.EXT YOU WILL SEE HOW THESE VARIABLES

BREAK DOWN INTO SEVEN KEY RELATIONSHIP
ISSUES THAT FORM A STAIRCASE

s PERSONAL CHARACTERISTICS
s ATTACHMENT STYLE
s SOCIAL LIFE
s PARENTING PHILOSOPHY
s SEX LIFE
s MONEY MANAGEMENT
s CONFLICT RESOLUTION STRESS REACTIONS
AND STRESS MANAGEMENT

7ELL WALK YOU THROUGH HOW TO THINK ABOUT

AND DISCUSS THESE ISSUES USING PROVOCATIVE
QUESTIONS AND FUN BEHAVIORAL EXERCISES

&INALLY IF YOU DETERMINE THAT YOU AND YOUR

PARTNER NEED TO ADDRESS TROUBLE SPOTS USE
THE FREE 4HERAPIST $IRECTORY FROM 0SYCHOLOGY
4ODAY BY GOING TO HTTPTHERAPISTSPSYCHOLOGY
TODAYCOMTRUE TO LOCATE A COUNSELOR NEAR
YOU WHO CAN HELP THE TWO OF YOU WORK
THROUGH ANY CONFLICTS

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(EALTHY DOESNgT MEAN BORING )T CAN BE
STEAMY AND HOT (OWEVER LASTING LOVE IS
MORE THAN PHYSICAL ATTRACTION THOUGH IT MAY
BE HARD TO FATHOM THAT IN THE EARLY STAGES OF )4 4!+%3 !,, 4(2%% /&
THOSE FLUTTERY EXCITING IN LOVE FEELINGS 4(%3% &/5.$!4)/.3 n
PASSION INTIMACY AND COMMITMENT n
-ANY EXPERTS HAVE TRIED TO PRECISELY TO MAKE AND SUSTAIN LASTING LOVE
DEFINE LOVE BUT HAVE REACHED NO UNIVERSAL
CONCLUSION (OWEVER PSYCHOLOGISTS WIDELY 3O THE THREE RELATIONSHIP FOUNDATIONS
ACCEPT THAT LOVE HAS TWO PRIMARY FACETS SPEAK TO THREE BASIC DESIRES WE WANT
IN A MATE
s 0ASSIONATE EROTIC LOVE n s DESIRE FOR A LOVER
PHYSICAL INTIMACY AND SEXUAL
DESIRE FOR A PARTNER s DESIRE FOR A BEST FRIEND
s DESIRE FOR RELATIONSHIP
s #OMPANIONATE LOVE n STABILITY AND LONGEVITY
FRIENDSHIP TYPE PLATONIC LOVE
TOWARDS A PARTNER

)F YOU ARE FORTUNATE ENOUGH TO HAVE

FOUND BOTH OF THESE WITH SOMEONE
CONGRATULATIONS
-ANY TIMES PEOPLE FIND
ONLY ONE COMPONENT 4HE COMBINATION
OF BOTH IS OPTIMAL FOR RELATIONSHIP SUCCESS

0SYCHOLOGIST 2OBERT 3TERNBERG EXPANDED

THE ABOVE TWO FACET CONCEPT IN HIS
h4RIANGULAR 4HEORY OF ,OVE AND !TTACHMENTv
(IS THEORY SAYS THAT THE AMOUNT OF LOVE
OR RELATIONSHIP SATISFACTION THAT A PERSON
EXPERIENCES IS DUE TO THE STRENGTH AND
INTERACTION OF THREE COMPONENTS

0!33)/. ).4)-!#9
!.$ #/--)4-%.4
0ASSION n THE DRIVES THAT PRODUCE
ROMANCE PHYSICAL ATTRACTION AND
SEXUAL INTERCOURSE

)NTIMACY n THE FEELING OF CLOSENESS

AND BONDEDNESS

#OMMITMENT n THE DECISION THAT

EACH PERSON LOVES THE OTHER AND
IS COMMITTED TO CONTINUING THAT
RELATIONSHIP
3TERNBERG 2 *   ! TRIANGULAR THEORY OF LOVE 0SYCHOLOGICAL 2EVIEW   
3TERNBERG 2 *  "ARNES - ,   4HE 0SYCHOLOGY OF ,OVE .EW (AVEN #4 9ALE 5NIV 0RESS

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s 0%23/.!, #(!2!#4%2)34)#3
PLACE TO START EXAMINING A RELATIONSHIP THERE ARE MANY
s !44!#(-%.4 349,% VARIABLES AT WORK n SPECIFICALLY THE  DIFFERENT FACTORS
s 3/#)!, ,)&% CONSIDERED IN THE 425% #OMPATIBILITY 4EST4-
s 0!2%.4).' 0(),/3/0(9 4HE BULK OF THESE  FACTORS CAN BE CAPTURED OR BROKEN
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s -/.%9 -!.!'%-%.4 ,IKE A STAIRCASE THESE SEVEN VARIABLES FORM A
s #/.&,)#4 2%3/,54)/. HIERARCHY n ONE VARIABLE ACTUALLY BUILDS UPON
342%33 2%!#4)/.3 !.$ ANOTHER
342%33 -!.!'%-%.4
4(% 3%#2%4
4HE HIGHER YOU AND YOUR MATE MATCH UP ON THE LEVELS
OR STEPS IN THIS HIERARCHY THE MORE SATISFIED YOU WILL BE
IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP !ND THE 4#4 IS A COMPOSITE OF THE
THREE RELATIONSHIP FOUNDATIONS AND THESE SEVEN GENERAL
ISSUES GIVING YOU A PICTURE OF HOW COMPATIBLE YOU
ARE WITH YOUR PARTNER

,%4g3 34!24 !4 4(% "/44/- /& 4(% 34!)2#!3%

4(% &)234 34%0 0%23/.!, #(!2!#4%2)34)#3

9OU MIGHT BE THINKING ) KNOW WHAT ) BELIEVE BUT
WHAT ABOUT US !S A COUPLE 7HAT DO WE BELIEVE

7ELL WERE TALKING ABOUT VALUES POLITICS RELIGION

SOCIAL ATTITUDES WORLD VIEW AND SO ON !ND ATTITUDES
ABOUT ROMANTICRELATIONSHIP PERSONALITY AND DATING

7HAT REALLY MATTERS IN LIFE

7HEN YOU ESTABLISH YOUR VALUES TOGETHER THESE FORM

YOUR VALUES AS A COUPLE 9OURE UNIFIED )TS NOT THAT
YOURE NOT INDIVIDUALS n YOU ARE "UT 425%S RECENT
RESEARCH SHOWS THAT WHILE REACHING AGREEMENT ON
PHILOSOPHICAL AND PRAGMATIC ISSUES IS SLIGHTLY MORE
DIFFICULT AGREEMENT ON YOUR VALUES IS RELATED TO AN
INCREASE IN RELATIONSHIP BLISS ,ETS DISSECT SOME OF
THE MOST IMPORTANT SUBCHARACTERISTICS THAT FALL UNDER
PERSONAL CHARACTERISTICS n SUBCHARACTERISTICS THAT
TYPICALLY ARE NOT FULLY REVEALED ON THE FIRST FEW DATES
4HESE INCLUDE FACTORS SUCH AS YOUR AND YOUR PARTNERS
PERSONALITY TRAITS WORLD VIEWS APPROACH TO ROMANCE
AND SELF ESTEEM

2EADY TO GET STARTED

4URN THE PAGE AND START THE FIRST STEP

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 6

STAIRCASE TO LOVE
STEP NO. 1: PERSONAL CHARACTERISTICS
CONSCIENTOUSNESS:
For instance, are you the type of person who pays close attention to detail?
CONSIDER THIS:
Their are three errors in this passage. Read it carefully and find all three
THE ANSWERS:
Their should be there, no period at the end, and finally there are only two – not three – errors in the actual passage.
Did you get it right?
Did your partner?
Is it frustrating to not spot details personally, or that you can and your partner can’t?

INTEGRITY:
Do you and your partner agree on the following?
Is there such a thing as an honest thief? Why or why not?
Are little white lies ever okay to tell?

ADVENTUROUSNESS:
We’re talking about flexibility, open-mindedness, energy level,
zest, spontaneity and adherence to routine.

ASK YOURSELVES:
What is the ideal way to spend retirement? Traveling? Staying at
home pursuing safe hobbies, etc.?
What sounds more exciting: spending the night in a
house said to be haunted or learning to sky dive?
Are weekends mostly for relaxing or mostly for adventure?

RIGIDITY AND DOMINANCE:

Control: It’s an issue that has been around since the beginning of time.

CONSIDER THESE QUESTIONS:

Do your friends often tell you (or each other) that you are a control freak?
When you go somewhere in the car, do you simply insist on being the one to drive?

ATTITUDES AND WORLDVIEW:

This is a potentially sticky area because there are usually a variety of issues
that can cause problems in romantic relationships.
ASK YOURSELVES:
Who are your heroes?
Is there any historical event that shaped the way you view the world?
Was there an event in your childhood that had a deep effect on you?

SOUL MATES FOREVER

A TRUE RELATIONSHIP READINESS TOOLTM
©2005 TRUE. All rights reserved.
 7

STAIRCASE TO LOVE
GENDER ROLES:
How are men and women supposed to behave? Big area!

HERE ARE SOME QUESTIONS YOU MIGHT ASK ONE OTHER:

What TV show or movie most closely represents how you feel
about how men and women should live and function together?

How would your parents feel if the man cooked dinner, while
the woman hung some picture frames in the living room?

POLITICAL AND SOCIAL ATTITUDES:

IMPORTANT: If one person is liberal and the other conservative, it doesn’t mean they can’t
form a successful bond. However, if either is intolerant toward the other, it could
cause discomfort and an inability to bond or the unraveling of a bond.

Would it make you uncomfortable to attend a rally of the political party opposite yours?

Do you accept without question the views of your religious

denomination when considering moral and ethical questions?

Would you be embarrassed for your friends to see you driving a car with a prominent
bumper sticker that supports a political party or stance opposite to your own beliefs?

OR, MORE CONTROVERSIAL:

Do you support the idea of war?

Do you believe in abortion rights?

Do you support the president?

RELATIONSHIP ATTITUDES AND DATING PHILOSOPHY

These questions will spawn a lot of discussion, because the answers
are more focused on boundaries and level of feelings.

ASK YOURSELVES:
What is the difference between love, romance and dating?

What expectations do you have of yourself and your partner when dating?
(Is it exclusive or not?)

What level of emotional and physical intimacy comes with dating?

PSYCHOLOGICAL STRENGTH:
This area shares concentric circles with ethics and morals.

CONSIDER THIS:
What types of incidents have you had trouble forgiving people for in the past?

Is it hard for you to put yourself first? For you to put others first?

SOUL MATES FOREVER

A TRUE RELATIONSHIP READINESS TOOLTM
©2005 TRUE. All rights reserved.
 8

STAIRCASE TO LOVE
STEP NO. 2: ATTACHMENT STYLE
Some couples are joined at the hip. Others are not so dependent. Neither is bad,
it's just a personal choice. Here are some of the variables that play a role in how to
evaluate your attachment style.

Are you afraid of commitment?

How dependent are you on one another?
Do you feel secure in the relationship or do you get jealous?
How do you manage time alone, individually?
How about time spent alone vs. time with other couples?

Which of the following do you feel right now?

Fear of being hurt.

Fear of trusting another.
Fear of not finding your soul mate – a person who is nearly perfect.
Basically, this amounts to a fear of interpersonal conflict.
Fear related to relationship performance – pleasing the other person,
meeting your partner’s expectations and not letting your partner down.
Fear of sacrifice – relinquishing your identity and independence.

BIG QUESTION:

Which of the above has been a problem for you in the past?

“are little white lies ever okay to tell?”

STEP NO. 3: SOCIAL LIFE

Do you and your partner like to hole up on Friday night, order Chinese food
and watch a movie? Or are you out at the latest gallery opening?

It's important to be able to negotiate how much time you spend alone as a couple or with
others. You need time apart to maintain your individuality, but you need time together to
develop your own identity or style as a couple.

THINK ABOUT THIS:

How much time apart should a couple have?
How often should a couple go out together alone? With others?
How much time is too much time with family?
How many friends do your partner and you have jointly?

SOUL MATES FOREVER

A TRUE RELATIONSHIP READINESS TOOLTM
©2005 TRUE. All rights reserved.
 9

STAIRCASE TO LOVE
OTHER ISSUES TO CONSIDER IN THIS REALM:

SOCIAL SKILLS

Do people say you jump to conclusions before you get the relevant details?
Are you good at starting conversations at gatherings with people you do not know?

EMOTIONAL IQ

How good are you at knowing what type of mood someone is in before they even speak?
Can you control your emotions for the sake of your relationship?

AGREEABLENESS

Your partner’s parents invite you to dinner and are serving something you truly dislike …
how do you handle this?
You celebrate Christmas and your mate, Hannukah: Do you celebrate one or both?

POSITIVE ATTITUDE

Do you feel good about who you are?

Would your closest friends and family say that you give people the benefit of the doubt?

SENSE OF HUMOR

What cereal best describes your past love life and why?
In a movie about your life, what actor would play the leading role?

SELFLESSNESS

What is the largest amount of money you have ever donated to charity … and what charity?
Have you had the occasion to stop and render aid at a traffic accident ... and did you?

SUPPORT NETWORK OF FRIENDS AND FAMILY

Are you closer to your friends or family right now?

Do you feel the need to share intimate details about your life
with family or friends, or should people have a completely private side?

DESIRE FOR FRIENDSHIPS, BOTH INDIVIDUAL AND AS A COUPLE, OUTSIDE THE RELATIONSHIP

Should couples only spend their free time together?

Are you happy and secure that your partner has interests and a circle of friends outside of you?

SOUL MATES FOREVER

A TRUE RELATIONSHIP READINESS TOOLTM
©2005 TRUE. All rights reserved.
 10

STAIRCASE TO LOVE
STEP NO. 4: PARENTING PHILOSOPHY
The decisions to have children and how to parent them are among
the most crucial and difficult issues to confront as a couple.

QUESTIONS TO PONDER:

How were you raised?

Did you enjoy growing up in the size family you did? Why?
Should you be strict or lenient with your kids (or those of your family members)?
Do you believe in all that talk about birth order?
Is it important to you to have a son to carry on the family name and legacy?
Do you even want children … and if so at what stage of your personal and professional life?
Do you want children so badly that you would adopt
if you can’t have biological children?
What if you want kids but your new partner already has children and doesn’t want any more?
Is a single approach to parenting best?
How do you see yourself as a potential parent?

“is a single approach to parenting best?”

Some individuals believe in the traditional authoritarian approach, while others feel that a more
permissive approach is best. But, there are other styles as well – all combinations of setting limits
and expressing love:

Rejecting/neglecting: low love and low limits.

Authoritarian: low love and high limits.
Permissive: high love and low limits.
Democratic/balanced: high love and high limits.

QUESTION FOR SINGLE PARENTS TO ASK THEMSELVES:

Is it okay for your partner to discipline your child?

At what point is it okay for your partner to discipline or set limits with your child?
Do you want an instant family at this stage?
What if your new partner wants children and you don’t want any more?

SOUL MATES FOREVER

A TRUE RELATIONSHIP READINESS TOOLTM
©2005 TRUE. All rights reserved.
 11

STAIRCASE TO LOVE
STEP NO. 5: SEX LIFE
Sex life is completely and totally personal and unique to each couple.

QUESTIONS TO THINK ABOUT:

What is acceptable sexual behavior in your relationship?

Where do you draw the line when it comes to experimentation?
How do you discuss sexual histories?
How do you define sexual faithfulness?

The more compatible your attitudes are, the greater chance you have of succeeding as a couple.

TRUE has discovered in new research that there are eight basic sex types –
determined from your general attitude toward sex, what you personally like
sexually and what you like for your partner to do.

THE TRADITIONALIST:

Conservative individuals who are good at the basics and most comfortable
discussing and engaging in predominantly conventional sexual activities.

THE INTROVERT:

Passive and submissive individuals who like physical intimacy but tend to be shy about
initiating sexual activities. They’re more comfortable when their partner takes the lead.

THE CONTRADICTOR:

Individuals who come across as reserved and conservative to the outside world,
but are actually quite effective sexual communicators. They tend to be sexually
dominant and like their partner to show a mutual interest in sex.

THE FANTASIZER:

Individuals who express a keen interest in sexual things however, their interests
are more fantasy-oriented and verbally focused. It appears they might not be as
comfortable actually engaging in sexual activities as they are in thinking, dreaming
and talking about them.

THE INTELLECTUAL:

Individuals who show academic appreciation for the wide spectrum of sexual
practices and preferences. They are comfortable talking, thinking and analyzing
the idea of sex, but generally don’t move into the provocative side in practice.

SOUL MATES FOREVER

A TRUE RELATIONSHIP READINESS TOOLTM
©2005 TRUE. All rights reserved.
 12

STAIRCASE TO LOVE
THE SUBSERVIENT:

Individuals who are submissive with an attitude. They can discuss their fantasies and
appetite for a wide variety of sexual activities, but they generally prefer for their partner
to initiate those activities – especially the more unconventional or wild acts.

THE INITIATOR:

Individuals who appreciate, talk and think about a wide range of sexual activities. They
generally prefer to initiate sexual activities rather than having their partners take the lead.

THE MAVERICK:

Adventurous, provocative and uninhibited individuals. They appreciate and

are generally comfortable talking about and engaging in a wide variety of sexual activities.
Moreover, they like their partners to be mutually aggressive and experimental in the bedroom.

SUMMARY:

There’s certainly some overlap in traits across the eight categories,

but each sex type is unique in important ways.

What sex type are you? Find out by going to www.true.com/magazine/psych_sextypes.htm

What sex type appeals to you in a future partner?
Or, if you’re already in a relationship – can you accurately guess your partner’s sex type?

STEP NO. 6: MONEY MANAGEMENT

DOLLARS AND “SENSE”:

That’s what you need when it comes to money, right? Money is one of the most underrated
and under-discussed topics for couples. How you feel about it reflects attitudes about
entitlement, control, immediate vs. delayed gratification and more.

HERE ARE SOME QUESTIONS TO CONSIDER:

Are you a saver or a spender? Cash vs. credit?
Would you take on someone else's debt? What if your partner was bankrupt?
Do you work off a monthly budget?
What are your feelings about owning vs. renting?
How do you feel about separate accounts vs. joint accounts?
How do you feel about making more money than your partner?
How do you feel about working to support your partner while he/she stays home?

SOUL MATES FOREVER

A TRUE RELATIONSHIP READINESS TOOLTM
©2005 TRUE. All rights reserved.
 13

STAIRCASE TO LOVE
DURING COURTSHIP, YOU MIGHT CONSIDER THESE THINGS:
Who pays when you go out?
What about when you go on vacation?
What about groceries and other sundries? Care of pets?
Do you keep a tally of who spends what?
Who drives when you go out? This translates into gas which equals money spent.

Money may not be something some people know how to talk about. It's sometimes rooted
in family history. But no matter what stage of your relationship, money is a crucial issue to
discuss. And if no one is bringing it up, someone needs to, because it can be and has been
the demise of many relationships.

“what is the difference between

love, romance and dating?”
TOP OF THE STAIRCASE:
CONFLICT RESOLUTION, STRESS REACTIONS AND STRESS MANAGEMENT
This area is huge, because it covers everything from whether you remembered to buy
paper towels to whether you’re going to celebrate Easter or Passover, or both. You need
to know how to negotiate these things in a nonthreatening way for the very survival of
your romantic bond.

HERE ARE SOME CONVERSATION-STARTERS:

Right now in your relationship, how do you decide how to decide?

Do you express concerns head-on or do you avoid conflict desperately?
When you feel threatened or stressed, do you tend to want to
run away, fight the issue or just shut down?
When you are stressed or facing conflict, do you talk
to your family/ friends or work it out privately?
Should couples tell each other everything that is bothering them?
Do you handle stress through silence/solitude or through some sort of activity?
Is it okay to drink alcohol or use drugs to relieve stress?
Can fighting be good for a couple?
What makes up fair fighting and unfair fighting with your partner?

SOUL MATES FOREVER

A TRUE RELATIONSHIP READINESS TOOLTM
©2005 TRUE. All rights reserved.
 

4(% 4(2%% ,%''%$ 34//, /& 35##%33&5, 2%,!4)/.3()03

4HE THREE MOST IMPORTANT WORDS ARE NOT ! COMMON HONOR SYSTEM IS UNIQUE
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4(% 4(2%% ,)44,% 7/2$3 4(!4 RELATIONSHIPS NO TWO COUPLES ARE ALIKE
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s 4RUTHFULNESS SPECIFICS OF A COMMON HONOR SYSTEM

s &AITHFULNESS !LWAYS KEEP WORKING ON THE COMMON

HONOR SYSTEM IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP

s /PENNESS %XPECTATIONS IN A RELATIONSHIP CAN CHANGE

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WORK IN PROGRESS &OR EXAMPLE TRUTHFULNESS
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*UST LIKE A STOOL A SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP OF A DATING RELATIONSHIP MAY NOT BE SAME AS
WILL HAVE ALL THREE OF THESE hLEGSv WHEN A COUPLE DECIDES TO SEE ONE ANOTHER
EXCLUSIVELY EXCHANGE h) LOVE YOUS v MOVE
"UT THESE ARE NOT JUST WORDS THEY ARE IN TOGETHER OR BECOME ENGAGED OR MARRIED
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+%%0 4(2%% 0/).43 ). -).$
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YOUR LOVE INTEREST IS OFFICIALLY A PARTNER
5NMET EXPECTATIONS ACROSS THESE THREE LEGS
OF A RELATIONSHIP SABOTAGE YOUR CHANCE AT $OES YOUR PARTNER TELL YOU THAT YOU DO
RELATIONSHIP SUCCESS !VOID FUTURE HEADACHE NOT EXPRESS YOUR FEELINGS ENOUGH SUCH
AND HEARTACHE BY TAKING TIME NOW TO WORK AS SAYING h) LOVE YOUv  $O YOU FEEL YOUR
PARTNER DOES NOT EXPRESS HISHER
OUT WHAT TRUTHFULNESS FAITHFULNESS AND FEELINGS ENOUGH
OPENNESS MEAN FOR YOU AND FOR YOUR PARTNER

3/5, -!4%3 &/2%6%2

! 425% 2%,!4)/.3()0 2%!$).%33 4//,4-
¥ 425% !LL RIGHTS RESERVED
 15

“the three TRUE’S RECOMMENDATION

little words
So you’ve gotten to the end of the staircase.
And you might feel pretty great about all that

that really
you and your partner have explored. On the
other hand, you might feel overwhelmed

matter are
with all the issues that have come up. If
these questions gave you pause, don’t get

truthfulness,
discouraged. It doesn’t mean you’re going
to break up. Rather, think of it this way:

faithfulness Compatibility with your mate is not static

and openness.”
and can actually change over time.

Some couples become less compatible over

time for various reasons, including unresolved
conflict and unmet expectations, while other
couples get closer.

Think of this guide as a tool to help you

discuss and address areas of potential
conflict head-on. By doing this, you both
become more equipped to face future
conflicts because, have no doubt, if you’re
honest, there will be a few. Strength and
bonding as a couple come from facing
difficult issues and working through them.

Of course, some issues are easier to address

and resolve than others. That was the new
finding TRUE discovered in its research
building the TCT. And again, if you haven’t
taken the TCT, go to http://www.true.com/
profile/pre_test.htm and take a half hour
and take the test. It will be more fodder
for your relationship discussions.

Even though we recommend starting a

dialogue with your mate about the seven
relationship variables in the order we
presented them, we realize that you may
disagree with our order. After all, no two
relationships are exactly alike, so your
relationship needs may require that you
change that order.

SOUL MATES FOREVER

A TRUE RELATIONSHIP READINESS TOOLTM
©2005 TRUE. All rights reserved.
 16

SECRETS “disagreements
aren’t bad –
LET’S REVIEW THE STEPS:

• Read this material by yourself first

to figure out how you feel about the
issues related to each relationship
different points
variable.
of view help
• Then, read the material with your
partner – or use the questions to bring you know your
up specific issues at a time and place
that you feel is appropriate. partner better”
• Don’t stop with one. Have several
conversations about the material.
Allow yourselves time to digest what
the other is saying. Have follow-up
discussions to better understand the
context of your partner’s views.

• Treat this material as discussion

pointers – not as a concrete test of
your compatibility with another person.

• Keep these discussions between

you and your partner to yourself –
it’s private, not public.

• Disagreements aren’t bad –

different points of view help you
to know your partner better.

• If tensions run too high, get help.

Use the free Therapist Directory at
http://therapists.psychology
today.com/true from Psychology
Today. It will help you locate a
couples’ counselor near you who
can help you address and possibly
resolve differences.

GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR LOVE LIFE!

Check TRUE frequently for more help as
you two continue your journey together.

SOUL MATES FOREVER

A TRUE RELATIONSHIP READINESS TOOLTM
©2005 TRUE. All rights reserved.
 17

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

HERB VEST
FOUNDER & CEO, TRUE.COM
Mr. Vest leads his team in the daily
execution of his vision to lower the
divorce rate and provide a wholesome
environment for courtship. Understanding
firsthand the complexities involved with
finding a soul mate, Mr. Vest created
TRUE to help singles find fulfilling and
lasting relationships through scientifically
based methodology for compatibility
and Relationship ReadinessTM. Mr. Vest is
an accomplished businessman with more
than 30 years of experience in a variety
of industries. Prior to creating TRUE.com,
Mr. Vest was the founder and CEO of H.D.
Vest, Inc., the largest provider of financial
services through a network of CPAs and
tax professionals nationwide.

ABOUT TRUE.COMTM
TRUE is safer, savvy, and the only scientifically based, online relationship service
whose mission is to help singles find long-lasting and fulfilling relationships. Founded
on an advanced, scientific compatibility test uniquely endorsed by Psychology Today
and independently certified by one of the leading experts in tests and measurements,
Integrated Knowledge Systems, Inc., to meet the Standards for Educational and
Psychological Testing, TRUE is the only online relationship service that actively
seeks to further protect the safety of its communicating members by conducting
extensive criminal background screenings. Moreover, TRUE is the only site to
conduct single verification screening. With the help of proprietary research and
the industry's most extensive team of scientists, relationship experts and
psychologists, TRUE also guides its members step-by-step through all
stages of the relationship-building process. To find out more about how
TRUE helps people around the world Live, Love and LearnTM
please visit http://www.true.com.

SOUL MATES FOREVER

A TRUE RELATIONSHIP READINESS TOOLTM
©2005 TRUE. All rights reserved.