“”Permanent solution to a temporary problem”

Alex

I love Alex. I do not want him to grow up without me as I want to do for him what my
own Dad did for me. I want to support and encourage him in his passions in life. I
need to be more patient with him. Yes, I need to be a role model for him and teach
him good manners etc but I also need to allow him to be a child. I should try to see
the world through his eyes and the newness and wonder that he finds.

I am concerned about his weight and how sedentary he can be at times. I feel that
Alex eats well but I could do more to encourage him to be active. Get him using his
bike/scooter etc, go for walks, play football in the garden etc.

I genuinely believe that Alex is a smart and clever boy but I don’t want him to fall into
the traps that I fell into. Being smart made me lazy academically and I almost left it
too late to correct this habit once I reached university. I could have achieved more
had I properly applied myself.

I need to remember that Alex is still young and temper my expectations and not put
too much pressure on him. My role is to set Alex on the right path in left and to act as
a bumper to keep him on course.

Shona

Meeting Shona was probably the luckiest thing that ever happened to me. I found
someone who is as quirky as me and shares so much in common.

I should try to be more understanding when she is facing her own problems. She is
not necessarily looking for advice or opinions, often she is just talking them through
process her thoughts and to reach her own conclusions. I shouldn’t offer unsolicited
advice or criticism.

We are partners and we need to support each other and our household. Splitting
duties doesn’t mean taking turns at the same task, it can often be that I do one thing
(e.g. pay bills) while Shona takes care of another (e.g. cutting grass).

We both need to talk more about our wants and needs. We also need to remember
that we are allowed to follow our own passions (hockey/horses) to a reasonable
extent.

Finally, we should try to make time at least once a week where it is just the two of us
in the evening (Friday or Sunday?), put the paintbrush and iPad away and enjoy a
movie or a board game together.
House

Shona and I need to remember that the house is and will always be an ongoing
project.

Basic chores like cleaning, dishes and washing obviously need to be done regularly
but larger chores like weeding and grass cutting are a little more time sensitive.

In regard to larger jobs like decorating, we need to remember that we have done a
lot to the house since we moved in. Both bedrooms have been decorated twice as
well as the hall, dining room and living room. We have also made extensive changes
to the garden to make it more open and child friendly. These larger chores should be
viewed with a longer time frame in mind.

Shona and I need to make plans, together, for what we want to do in regards to the
dining room, bathroom and kitchen but again we are only likely to do 1 or 2 of these
in a given year.

Money

We are in a good place money wise. We have a good amount of savings in various
accounts and enough to cover the regular expenses like insurance, MOTs etc.

The only major expense I foresee in the next 2 or 3 years is replacing the Insignia.
It’s now 11+ years old with a hefty mileage but is in good running order and decent
enough cosmetic condition.

Additionally, I would like us to take a family holiday abroad at some point - ideally to
Disneyland Paris. I think it would be best to discuss this and start to save towards it if
this is something we want to do. Alex is starting to outgrow Haven and would
probably enjoy going abroad. In my head, I have the idea of going abroad every
other year to France etc with EuroCamp and having a UK based break the other
years. We could travel to Ireland or Wales or further south in England.

Weight

I could probably do with losing a little bit of weight, hopefully returning to hockey will
help me get into better shape and improve my fitness.

I do not think it benefits me to be concerned about the figure on the scales, just that
my clothes and uniforms fit well. Shona has no concerns about my current weight but
was vocally concerned when I lost weight before.
Job

I am experienced in my job and one of the best at what I do. I have been qualified for
quite a long time and made plenty of mistakes. As I have grown older and wiser, I
have become a more rounded Radiographer and person. I am not afraid to ask for
help or to defer to another colleague who may have more expertise in a particular
area.

I need to make more of an effort to stay out of any gossip and certainly not to repeat
it. I am a respected and high level member of staff, holding myself to a higher
standard and I feel that I should lead by example where possible.

My job is secure and I am well paid for what I do. My job can be very stop/start with
intense periods of work in theatre, during a tricky examination or during a busy clinic.
I have the temperament to deal with these situations but I feel I could do more with
the “down” time and make better use of them where possible, both professionally
and personally.

Covid

Covid lockdowns were a bad time for everyone.

In some ways, I was lucky - I was able to work in a key role in a relatively social
environment when others weren’t allowed to leave their homes. Yes, I had to go into
environments where I was exposed to known covid patients - particularly prior to the
vaccine. At the time it didn’t bother me, I was just doing my job.

In the evenings, I still had a lot of creature comforts like TV, games and I had taken
up miniature painting too. I missed playing hockey but understood it was potentially
one of the most dangerous environments for transmission (cold, humid with heavy
breathing). I did perhaps drink too much alcohol at this time but I never drank to
excess, rarely more than one drink an evening but it was every evening because
they were all the same.

Shona had a very hard time in the initial lockdown period. We had just gotten Alex
into a routine with the nursery and she was getting regular “me” time to be herself. I
can barely understand how difficult it must have been to entertain a small child
all-day every day for an unspecified period of time away from her family and friends.

The post-lockdown periods were harder for me, I found it difficult to watch “normal”
life on television as nobody was wearing a mask and it seemed like we would be
forever. I didn’t want that life for Alex, being afraid of other people and harming his
social skills. I do remember watching Mr Bean with Alex and wishing things would go
back to normal so he could do the things he missed and be exposed to new
experiences.

Hockey

As I write this, I am in a funny place with hockey. I’ve been B Team POTY for the last
two years, won the feeder and Bowl tournaments as a first choice player and
generally been considered a key player for Mustangs B as well as someone to be
relied upon to play in the A team if necessary. I was describing someone else I would
probably be jealous as it doesn’t sound like me.

My gut feeling is that I need to basically not overthink it, I clearly don’t when I’m on
the ice as instinct takes over. I just need to let the bad plays go, nobody else cares
and even if they do that says more about them than it does about me.
I just need to get my skates on and enjoy myself, I won’t be able to play forever so I
need to appreciate the time that I still can.

Painting

Painting for me is for mindfulness and to let my brain idle for a while. I’ve got no
interest in painting competitions and only a small interest in actually playing games. I
don’t really want to sit with a rulebook and try to learn the ruleset of a big book. I’m
too old for homework!

Yes, I have a lot of unpainted models and probably don’t need to be buying any more
but it’s my disposable income and it’s not affecting my life choices. I don’t drink or
smoke so buying little plastic soldiers and painting isn’t harming anyone.

Having a backlog used to weigh on me and I felt like I “had” to get them done but
now I think of it like a menu, I can choose what project to start next and not feel like I
have to do anything. Right now I’m really enjoying my Blood Angels and spent time
over the last week or so adding decals to nearly every model - something I haven’t
done before. I probably won’t jump straight into another “armour” army as it would be
a bit same-y. I might tackle the Stormcast or GSC next or maybe a unit of Grots as a
taster.

Will

I wasn’t sure if I wanted to write about this but I think it’s important to help me
process how I feel about the friendship I had with Will.

On the surface, Will and I had a lot in common - hockey, sci-fi, miniatures etc.
However, I feel the lessons that I learned in life and in work have not been learned
by him. Will was a very negative person to be around and he burned through
friendships quickly because of this.

In the time that I knew him, he had been asked to leave two different hockey clubs
because of his attitude and had also lost several friends because of it. Will cannot (or
refuses to) see that he is own worst problem.

I couldn’t really talk about hockey with him as he had a very negative view of the
Mustangs. He congratulated me on winning the Bowl tournament in the most
awkward way, saying that he was happy for me but not for the team.

He bemoaned nearly everything, complaining about Star Trek props or how the
“science” doesn’t work like that. Mentioning that it’s science fiction did not go down
well.

I stopped sharing any of my hobby projects with him as I often received unwanted
criticism. I think he was trying to help but trying to tell him that I wasn’t looking for
advice unless I asked for it did not go down well. However, I was sent pictures of
various projects of his on a near daily basis - many of which I had no interest in but
feigned a polite response.

The final straw was the constant trauma dumping. Will has not had an easy life, his
parents were unsupportive regarding his education, share none of his interests and
aren’t entirely comfortable with his sexuality. Will would routinely go on long diatribes
about one or both of his parents or about his dating woes or a rant about something
banal and then when I wouldn’t respond, he would send a further message simply
saying sorry.

Eventually, I asked him to stop doing it, he said he would and less than an hour later
is messaging me about something else with no regard for me or my feelings. I could
not stand tiptoeing around his attitude any longer.

I think of him often, if I see a funny meme or a TV show he’d enjoy. Then I remember
that often there would be snide remarks if he wasn’t interested. For example, he’s
not keen on a lot of anime (like One Piece) and rather than being polite and saying
he’d check it out etc, he would dismiss it as he didn’t like it.

I find it hard to believe that of all the things I felt weighing on me, I’ve written nearly a
page on how a friend affected me. It’s taken writing it all down to get me to see how
negative an effect he was having on me. I’d be keen to get in touch with him in the
future as we do share a lot of interests but not until he takes responsibility for the
negative attitude that surrounds him is affecting his relationships with friends and
family. Who he chooses to be is up to him.