FACTSHEETS FOR FAMILIES | OCTOBER 2019

The Impact of Adoption

Although adoption is often a joyful and Awareness of these issues can help families
exciting occasion, it can also give rise to better understand each other and the personal
lifelong challenges for members of the effects of the adoption experience. This
adoption constellation—adoptees, birth factsheet provides an overview of the seven
parents and their extended family members, core issues in adoption and how they may
and adoptive parents and their extended affect the thoughts, feelings, and experiences
family members. How and when you are of children and adults who have been adopted,
affected by both the positive elements and birth parents, and adoptive parents—also known
challenging issues of adoption depend on as the "adoption triad." Other members of the
many factors, including your personality, adoption constellation, such as grandparents,
family dynamics, and what might be happening aunts, or uncles, may also relate to some of the
in the world around you. core issues discussed in this factsheet. Links to
additional resources are also provided.
Members of the adoption constellation may
experience any number of the following seven WHAT’S INSIDE
core issues related to adoption:
1. Loss Seven core issues in adoption

2. Rejection
3. Shame and guilt Conclusion
4. Grief
5. Identity Resources
6. Intimacy
7. Mastery and control
References

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SEVEN CORE ISSUES IN LOSS
ADOPTION
Loss is the central issue faced by those
The core issues listed above were first involved with adoption (Roszia & Maxon,
introduced in a 1982 article by Silverstein 2019). For birth parents, people who were
and Kaplan titled Seven Core Issues in adopted, and adoptive parents, involvement
Adoption. A 2019 update (Roszia & Maxon) with adoption is typically associated with
called Seven Core Issues in Adoption and an initial loss that continues to affect them
Permanency: A Comprehensive Guide to throughout their lives.
Promoting Understanding and Healing in
For birth parents, adoption means the loss
Adoption, Foster Care, Kinship Families and
of a child whom they may never see again
Third Party Reproduction expands on these
and the loss of a parenting role. People who
seven core issues, broadens the description
were adopted may lose their birth families,
of who may encounter them to include
including siblings, grandparents, aunts
people who have experienced adoption and
and uncles, and cousins. They may lose a
all forms of permanency, and draws on the
cultural connection or language (in cases
perspectives and experiences of diverse
of intercountry or transracial/transcultural
groups of people who have been affected by
adoption). If they were adopted as older
adoption. Every person affected by adoption
children, they may also lose friends, foster
may not experience all seven issues or
families, pets, schools, neighborhoods, and
encounter them in the order in which they
familiar surroundings. Adoptive parents
are described here. Experiences can manifest
may have experienced loss associated with
differently depending on a person's age and
incomplete pregnancies, failed fertility
developmental stage, the situation in which
treatments, and dreams of raising a child with
they were adopted, and their personal history
whom they are genetically connected.
or life situation. Regardless of your adoption
experience—whether you were adopted; Adoption-related loss may be vague and
whether you adopted an infant, child, or difficult to understand, especially for birth
young person through an agency, the foster parents and adoptees. Adoption-related
care system, or another country; or whether loss is described as a feeling of distress and
the adoption was voluntary or involuntary— confusion about people who are physically
these lifelong challenges will likely affect you absent but psychologically present in your
at some point. life (sometimes called "ambiguous loss")
(FosterParentCollege.com, 2016). With
To read more about the content in the
ambiguous loss, you may think often about
2019 update, visit https://www.nacac.org/
the person or people you miss and wonder
resource/seven-core-issues-in-adoption-
whether they are alive, if you will see them
and-permanency/.
again, and if they think about you. What
makes this type of loss difficult is that it's not

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well recognized by the larger society (Roszia a sign of trust and valuable communication,
& Maxon, 2019). The uncertainty of adoption- and to model compassion and acceptance. To
related loss makes it difficult for birth parents learn more, refer to Information Gateway's
and people who were adopted to grieve and Helping Your Child Transition From Foster
delays the grieving process. Care to Adoption (https://www.childwelfare.
gov/pubs/f-transition/).
Support groups can help create a sense of
community and shared experience, and they
may provide a good outlet for coping with
residual feelings related to an adoption, Search and Reunion
such as loss or grief. If you are interested in
finding a support group, see Child Welfare Thanks to advances in technology,
Information Gateway's National Foster Care specifically the internet—including social
& Adoption Directory Search (https://www. media—and more accessible DNA testing,
childwelfare.gov/nfcad/). birth families and people who were
adopted are more easily able to research
REJECTION family contact information and establish

The loss experienced in adoption is connections than in the past. Since search
often heightened by feelings of rejection, and reunion can be emotional and may
particularly for those who have been adopted. tap into strong feelings of separation
People who were adopted commonly feel and loss, adoption professionals strongly
rejected by their birth parents, even if they recommend emotional preparation before
were adopted as infants. If you were adopted, conducting search and reunion efforts. It
that sense of rejection may lead to challenges helps to think through expectations and
with self-esteem and a sense of belonging, as prepare for a range of potential outcomes
well as a tendency to avoid certain situations and reactions, including rejection, from
or relationships for fear of being hurt. the other party. For more information,
Feelings of rejection are normal and common see the Information Gateway publication,
for members of the adoption triad. If you're Searching for Birth Relatives (https://www.
an adoptive parent, you may wonder if you childwelfare.gov/pubs/f-search/).
were meant to be a parent and may watch
for signs of rejection from your child. Some
children or young people, particularly those
SHAME AND GUILT
adopted from foster care, may unintentionally
project their feelings of rejection, anger, and Shame and guilt about adoption or being
abandonment onto their adoptive parents. adopted may worsen feelings of grief. The
This experience can be painful for the parents. shame of being involved in adoption may be
It is wise for adoptive parents to prepare for subconscious. Shame and guilt associated
this possibility, to recognize the behavior as with adoption may affect your self-esteem,

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discourage you from thinking positively Adoption-related grief isn't widely known or
about yourself, and limit you from loving and understood by society at large. We lack formal
receiving love from others (Roszia & Maxon, rituals or ceremonies to mark the loss caused
2019). by adoption and the resulting grief. If you are
a member of the triad, you may not be aware
For example, an adoptive parent may feel
that you are grieving. Because our culture
ashamed for being unable to have a biological
considers people who were adopted "lucky"
child. If you were adopted, you may feel
to have been chosen by another family, you
ashamed because your birth parents were
may not feel like you should be grieving, and
unable to raise you themselves. A birth parent
many of your friends may not recognize or
may feel guilty and ashamed for having an
understand your grief.
unplanned pregnancy and admitting the
situation to parents, friends, coworkers, and Unattended grief may manifest itself in
others. After the birth, the decision to choose destructive behaviors, self-medication,
adoption for the child may prompt new anger, or denial. Children and young people,
feelings of guilt about “rejecting” the child, especially those in foster care, need help
no matter how thoughtful the decision or labeling their feelings and understanding
difficult the circumstances of the adoption. when their struggles are expressions of grief.
Even experienced child welfare workers and
For more information about shame in
therapists who do not specialize in adoption
adoption, visit the Pact website (http://
may not understand the relationship between
www.pactadopt.org/resources/shame-and-
loss and grief that is experienced by members
secrecy-in-adoption.html).
of the triad. To assist children and adults who
are dealing with adoption-related grief, the
GRIEF
importance of knowledgeable caseworkers
Grief is the pain that stems from loss and and adoption-competent therapists cannot be
the recognition of the family or life that was overstated.
lost through adoption. It is natural and often
For information to help your child deal with
occurs throughout the lifelong journey of
grief and loss, visit Information Gateway's
adoption. Birth parents tend to experience
Helping Adopted Children Cope With Grief
intense grief at the time of the adoption,
and Loss webpage (https://www.childwelfare.
and that grief may reemerge periodically,
gov/topics/adoption/adopt-parenting/
including at milestones such as the child's
helping/).
birthday or when he or she is old enough to
start school. During adolescence, people who To read about adoptive parents' experiences
were adopted may feel intense grief as they helping their children heal from grief, visit
become more aware of the separation from the North American Council on Adoptable
their birth families and further develop their Children website (https://www.nacac.org/
identities (Roszia & Maxon, 2019). resource/helping-children-recover-from-
grief/).

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To cope with grief, help is available through adoptive family. Having access to genetic and
professional therapists who have significant health information is critically important in
experience with adoption and bereavement. terms of wellness.
These professionals understand that
Adoptive parents and birth parents may be
adoption-related grief looks and behaves
uncertain about their identities and roles in a
differently from other kinds of grief. Referrals
child's life. Adoptive parents may not feel like
for therapists may come from friends,
"real" parents or like they are entitled to be
support groups, or the adoption agency or
parents, and birth parents may be unsure of
attorney who helped with your adoption.
their role in their child's life since they are not
For more information, refer to Information
actively parenting that child. These identity
Gateway's Finding and Working With
issues may change over time due to various
Adoption-Competent Therapists (https://www.
factors, such as formal changes to the level of
childwelfare.gov/pubs/f-therapist/).
ongoing contact between adoptive and birth
IDENTITY families or the wishes of the child who was
adopted. These feelings can also come up
As a life-altering event, adoption affects during the search and reunion process. For
the identities of all those involved. If you more information, visit Information Gateway's
were adopted, you may have experienced Ongoing Contact With Birth Families in
adoption-related identity issues throughout Adoption webpage (https://www.childwelfare.
your life, especially around milestones such gov/topics/adoption/adoptive/before-
as birthdays, holidays, births, and deaths. adoption/openness/).
You may see your identity as incomplete,
unsteady, or contradictory. Your birth parents
are your parents, but they aren't parenting
you. You were born into one family and "Lifebooks" can help children and
adopted into another. young people who were adopted better
understand themselves and their identity
If you were adopted and lack genetic, medical,
within their adoptive family. For more on
religious, and other historical information
these books, visit Information Gateway's
about your birth family, you may want
Lifebooks webpage (https://www.
answers to questions that would help form
childwelfare.gov/topics/adoption/adopt-
your identity, such as why your birth parents
placed you for adoption, what became of parenting/lifebooks/).
those parents, whether you have siblings, and
whether you resemble your birth parents or
extended family of origin in appearance or Due to adoption-related identity issues,
in other characteristics. You may struggle to it may be hard for parents and people
find answers to these questions and may feel who were adopted to talk about adoption
out of place or as if you don't belong in your with others, including their own families.

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Identity formation begins in childhood and Adoptive and birth parents may also
becomes more important during the teenage experience intimacy-related difficulties. If
years. Gaps in identity and lack of access to you are a birth parent, sex, pregnancy, and
individuals and information may be more closeness to others may be emotionally
pronounced when a child starts school or has painful. Birth parents may be especially
a family-oriented classroom assignment (e.g., reluctant to form relationships with family or
creating a family tree). For more information children who later come into their lives.
and resources, visit the following Information
The intimate relationship of the adoptive
Gateway webpages:
parents may have been hurt by the inability
ƒ Talking About Adoption to conceive. This may shape the couple's
(https://www.childwelfare.gov/topics/ relationship and affect the family dynamic into
adoption/adopt-parenting/talking/) which they bring an adopted child. If you are
an adoptive parent, you may struggle to help
ƒ Adoption and School
your child who is also experiencing attachment
(https://www.childwelfare.gov/topics/
issues. Attachment challenges range from
adoption/adopt-parenting/school/)
difficulties relating to others to severe social-
For more information about identity issues, functioning disorders. Appropriate treatments
including support for those who were adopted can help parents nurture secure attachments
and education for adoptive parents, visit the and cope with behaviors that may result from
Pact website (http://www.pactadopt.org/ earlier attachment disruptions.
resources/identity-issues.html).
For more information about helping children
form attachments, visit the AdoptUSKids
INTIMACY
website (https://www.adoptuskids.org/
People who were adopted may be challenged adoption-and-foster-care/how-to-adopt-
by intimacy or becoming close to others due and-foster/receiving-a-placement/forming-
to losses resulting from adoption. They may attachments).
subconsciously try to avoid experiencing a
new loss by keeping an emotional distance MASTERY AND CONTROL
from or not committing to someone else.
Adoption requires birth parents, adoptive
Intimacy or attachment may be difficult for
parents, and people who were adopted to give
members of the triad due to related feelings of
up some sense of control. For birth parents
rejection, shame, grief, and uncertainty about
who experience an unplanned pregnancy or
identity. Attachment issues can occur when
become unable to care for their child, neglect
a secure, emotional bond formed between a
or abuse may result, and a dire situation may
child and a parent is disrupted. Involvement
be resolved through adoption. Relinquishing
with adoption may affect your ability to form
your parental rights or having your child
healthy attachments, making it more difficult
enter foster care can lead to feelings of
to trust and to form meaningful relationships
victimization and powerlessness that may
throughout life.
continue to affect your life and identity.

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If you were adopted, you may have not been ƒ Parenting After Adoption [webpage]
involved in the decisions that led to adoption, (https://www.childwelfare.gov/topics/
especially if the adoption occurred when adoption/adopt-parenting/)
you were an infant or young child. Adults
made life-altering choices for you that were
out of your control. These decisions may Building Resilience to Regain a Sense
have hindered your growth toward self-
of Control
actualization and self-control and led to a
lowered sense of self-responsibility. Teens Resilience can help all members of the
and older youth who were adopted frequently adoption triad regain a sense of control.
engage in power struggles with adoptive According to the American Psychological
parents and other authority figures (e.g.,
Association (APA), resilience is the ability to
teachers, coaches, counselors). Such behavior
adapt or cope in a positive way to adversity,
may be an attempt to regain the loss of
including trauma, tragedy, threats, and
control experienced in adoption.
significant stress. If you were adopted,
For an adoptive parent, the adoption resilience can help you thrive despite the
process can be cumbersome and may lead accompanying grief, rejection, guilt, and
to feelings of helplessness. You may view shame you may have experienced or will
yourself as powerless or unworthy of being experience at different times in your life.
a parent, which can lead to a less engaged Resilience involves behaviors, thoughts,
parenting style. Conversely, you may try to
and actions that can be learned over time
regain the control lost by becoming strict,
and nurtured through positive and healthy
overprotective, and domineering. This can
relationships with other adults, parents,
cause the relationship with your child to
or caregivers. For general information on
become inflexible and result in additional
resilience, including ways to build it, visit
tension. For information on this topic, refer to
Information Gateway's Parenting Your Adopted the APA website (https://www.apa.org/
Teenager (https://www.childwelfare.gov/ helpcenter/road-resilience).
pubs/factsheets/parent-teenager/).
For adoptive parents, building your
Refer to the following Information Gateway resilience can help support your child’s
resources for additional information on resilience and improve your family’s long-
adoption support and parenting your adopted term well-being. For ways to help children
child: build resilience, refer to Information
Gateway’s Building Resilience in Children
ƒ Accessing Adoption Support and
and Teens (https://www.childwelfare.gov/
Preservation Services [factsheet]
(https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/f- pubPDFs/resilience_ts_2019.pdf) or visit the
postadoption/) APA website (https://www.apa.org/topics/
parenting/resilience-tip-tool).

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CONCLUSION ƒ Impact of Adoption on Birth Parents and
Relatives (https://www.childwelfare.gov/
Adoption often marks the joyous beginning topics/adoption/preplacement/working-
of a new family embarking on a rich journey parents-families/impacts/)
together. Adoption often marks an ending, as
well, and the separation of children from their ƒ Lifelong Impact of Adoption (https://www.
parents and families of origin. Even in the childwelfare.gov/topics/adoption/adopt-
most ideal circumstances where some level people/impact/)
of ongoing contact continues with extended
ƒ Maintaining Connections After Adoption
family members, adoption-related issues will
(https://www.childwelfare.gov/topics/
likely arise at different points in the lives of
adoption/birthfor/connections/)
people who were adopted and their birth or
adoptive parents. A willingness to learn about ƒ Parenting Your Adopted Preschooler (https://
these issues and seek support if necessary can www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/factsheets/
help ensure that parents and those who were preschool/)
adopted experience happy and healthy family
lives. ƒ Parenting Your Adopted School-Age Child
(https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/
RESOURCES factsheets/parent-school-age/)

Child Welfare Information Gateway. This ƒ Understanding the Emotional Impact of

service of the Children's Bureau provides Adoption (https://www.childwelfare.gov/
information and publications on a wide range topics/adoption/birthfor/emotional-impact/)
of adoption topics.
Adoption Exchange. The Adoption Exchange
ƒ Adoption Materials for Specific Audiences provides expertise and support before, during,
(https://www.childwelfare.gov/topics/ and after the adoption process. It also provides
adoption/intro/adoption-materials/) educational support nationally to adoptive
families. (http://www.adoptex.org)
ƒ Adoption Options: Where Do I Start?
(https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/f- AdoptUSKids. This national project of the
adoptoption/) Children's Bureau provides information on
subsidies, services, and training to help
ƒ For Adopted People (https://www.
parents and children or youth throughout the
childwelfare.gov/topics/adoption/adopt-
adoption process. It also features adoption
people/)
stories from families that describe the
ƒ For Expectant Parents Considering Adoption challenges and lessons they have learned.
and Birth Parents (https://www.childwelfare. (https://www.adoptuskids.org/)
gov/topics/adoption/birthfor/)
American Adoption Congress. This
ƒ Helping Your Adopted Children Maintain nonprofit membership organization provides
Important Relationships With Family (https:// education, advocacy, and support for all
www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/factsheets- families touched by adoption. (http://www.
families-maintainrelationships/) americanadoptioncongress.org/)

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Center for Adoption Support and Education Pact, an Adoption Alliance. Pact offers a
(C.A.S.E.). The C.A.S.E. website includes comprehensive site addressing issues for
information on adoption-competent therapy, adopted children of color, offering informative
adoption training, and community education. articles on related topics as well as family
It also offers publications, including the profiles, links to other resources, and a
W.I.S.E. Up! Powerbook, which empowers reference guide with a searchable database.
adopted children to answer questions about (http://www.pactadopt.org/)
adoption if, when, and how they choose.
REFERENCES
(http://adoptionsupport.org/)
FosterParentCollege.com. (2016).
Families Adopting in Response (FAIR).
Understanding ambiguous loss. Retrieved
FAIR is an all-volunteer organization that
from http://azfamilyresources.org/pdf/
offers information, education, support, and
UnderstandingAmbiguousLoss.pdf
fellowship to adoptive and preadoptive
families. Members include families who Roszia, S. K., & Maxon, A. D. (2019). Seven
have adopted children through public and core issues in adoption and permanency:
private agencies from the United States and A comprehensive guide to promoting
from many other countries. (http://www. understanding and healing in adoption,
fairfamilies.org) foster care, kinship families and third party
reproduction. Philadelphia, PA: Jessica
Institute for Human Services. The Institute
Kingsley Publishers.
for Human Services provides child welfare
training and offers a number of resources
SUGGESTED CITATION:
to support parents who foster and adopt
children from the child welfare system. Child Welfare Information Gateway. (2019).
(http://www.ihs-trainet.com/) The impact of adoption. Washington, DC: U.S.
Department of Health and Human Services,
North American Council on Adoptable
Administration for Children and Families,
Children (NACAC). NACAC, founded by
Children's Bureau.
adoptive parents, supports, educates, and
empowers adoptive parents and children or
youth who were adopted. It also provides
training for parents and youth to create,
develop, and enhance support networks.
(https://www.nacac.org/)

U.S. Department of Health and Human

Services Administration for Children and
Families Administration on Children,
Youth and Families Children’s Bureau

This material may be freely reproduced and distributed. However, when doing so, please credit Child Welfare Information
Gateway. This publication is available online at https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/factsheets-families-adoptionimpact/.

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