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Lesson Seven

Mindfulness and Stress

Stress and its related illnesses have been much publicised in recent years
yet many of us continue with the life that increases our stress. It doesn‟t take
much for us to feel over-whelmed and out of control.

Just take a moment to consider any stressful events that have happened over the
last two years. There may be obvious negative events but remember to include
things like a house move or retirement.

The larger the list, the more likely you are to be stressed. However, these things
don‟t always produce a level of stress we are unable to cope with. This depends
upon our nature, on what our life experience has taught us and, our mental state
at that time.

Stress can also come from our lifestyle. Maybe you have a demanding job, maybe
you never have quite enough time. Perhaps you don‟t eat well or exercise enough.
Equally, we are likely to be stressed if we are worried about ill-health and
housing.

Think for a moment of your lifestyle factors that could be adding to your stress;
things from your family life, work life, relationships, money or health problems.

You have now started to form a picture of how stressed you are and why. Stress
can quickly become a vicious circle, where you find yourself behaving in ways
that only add to your stress.

Responses to Stress

Stress is physically and mentally bad for people. During our ancestors‟
times, we developed a response to danger which we know as the fight-or-flight
response. As soon as the perceived danger has passed your body should return
to normal. The problems begin when stress is ongoing as the fight or flight
response is permanently switched on and it becomes normal to us. The body is
swamped with adrenaline and other hormones, which over time have an adverse
effect both physically and mentally.

Being constantly on the lookout for threats is uncomfortable and so we look for
ways to relieve it.

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However, rather than dealing with the source of the stress, we often try to suppress
it in unhealthy ways, such as over-eating, with alcohol, drugs, spending money
we can‟t really spare etc., usually resulting in further damage.

When we look at ways to manage stress, they usually include a change of focus
or a break from our norm. When stress strikes it‟s time for us to take care of
ourselves. Mindfulness offers an additional way to approach stress with many
added benefits.

Mindful Stress Management

Think for a moment of where you physically feel your stress and use the
body scan technique to target it. When you breathe into that part of your body,
imagine your breath soothing and relaxing you. When you breathe out, imagine
the stress leaving your body.

For best results this needs to be done regularly. While you may feel the benefits
immediately, try not to use the body scan as a quick fix. Let the benefits build,
creating lower stress in your life. If you need a quick fix, use the three minute
body scan.

As we have seen, stress comes from external factors, such as bereavement or the
loss of job, and also directly from the choices we make each day that lead us to
being over stretched.

Whilst there isn‟t much we can actually do about external events, those which
happen to us which are beyond our control, it‟s easy to feel like we are a victim,
to think that awful things always happen to us. In these situations, the only thing
we can change is our self. Mindful detachment helps us to do this, maybe starting
with acknowledgement and acceptance.

Sometimes the choices we make are driven by deep rooted beliefs about our self
and the world around us. Some such thoughts are „I have to be successful‟, „I am
the responsible one‟, „I can‟t say no‟, and so on. These beliefs aren‟t helpful and
can all too easily lead to stress.

Have a think of all your internal factors. Use the ones above if relevant and add
more of your own.

Now that you can see how our behaviours and beliefs contribute to our stress, we
can look at ways of making changes.

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Look at your responses and see where the changes can be made. Don‟t try to
change everything at once – that will only add to the stress! Start with whichever
seems the easiest to change, then decide how you will change that one thing.

Remember to be kind to yourself and take small steps at first. Don‟t set goals for
yourself that are too tough. Use your Mindfulness techniques to get you through.
Practice mindful detachment to observe what is happening instead of having an
internal dialogue about it.

Changing behaviours can be difficult; changing our beliefs is trickier still. It can
be done though, and the more motivated we are to do this the more we will
achieve. For each belief we wish to change, ask yourself „How important is this
to me?‟ and „Can I let this go?‟ Once again, feel kindly towards yourself.

Stress usually builds up over a period of time, without us even realising how bad
it is becoming. Having a mindful attitude to life can provide the basis for staying
calm at stressful times, and to assist in recovering once the stress has passed.

Mindfulness & Pain Management

Pain is complex and often difficult to explain. Pain can‟t be seen on X-

rays, scans or blood tests. Pain can change from moment to moment, hour to hour
or day to day. Many factors interact to influence your pain including: emotions,
fears, unhelpful beliefs about pain, and a sense of loss of control.

We can have a small amount of damage and a lot of pain (e.g. paper cut) or lots
of damage with a low level pain (e.g. people suffering a physical trauma will often
state low pain levels after major injury). These differences in pain are normal as
they allow us to adapt to pain depending on its context.

The words „acute‟ pain and „chronic‟ pain refer to the length of time you have
had the pain – not the pain level. Acute pain is defined as less than three months.
Chronic pain is usually defined as pain which lasts longer than three months.
Acute pain is usually thought of as being a local issue, whilst chronic pain often
reflects a broader issue.

Without doubt, pain has an impact on our well-being. We can find it difficult to
complete the simplest of tasks, hampered by a reduced energy level that is limited
to small bursts of time, sometimes not more than a few minutes. We can‟t even
make any plans for the following day, let alone the future. Activities with friends
and family start to wane and far too often disappear altogether, leaving us feeling
isolated, alone, and still in pain.

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When we are in pain we want it to go away immediately. It‟s our natural response
and is understandable. Pain will feed on any similar sensations –
anger, grief, illness etc. and reflect this back to you. Pain can only feed on pain,
not happiness. The last thing we want to do when we are in pain is pay more
attention to it, yet with mindfulness that is exactly what we do. Instead of focusing
on how urgently we want the pain to stop, we pay attention to our pain without
judgment. The moment we start to observe the pain, bring our awareness to it, our
identification with it ceases.

When we begin to feel pain, our minds start searching for ways to ease the pain.
At the same time we begin to think negatively with thoughts such as „What will
happen if I don't recover?‟ „What if it gets worse?‟ „I can't cope with this‟ and
„I just want it to stop‟. Mindfulness teaches us engage with our pain, just as it is,
instead of allowing our minds to jump into negative thoughts. Mindfulness isn‟t
about minimising our pain but rather how to see our pain differently.

As Jon Kabat-Zinn, PhD, writes in the introduction of The Mindfulness Solution

to Pain, “From the perspective of mindfulness, nothing needs fixing. Nothing
needs to be forced to stop, or change, or go away”.

Viewing Pain Mindfully

Mindfulness provides a more accurate way of viewing our pain. For

example, we might believe we are in constant pain. By viewing the pain in a
mindful way, our awareness may show that our pain actually peaks and subsides
at intervals. Knowing this can be the first step to relieving stresses around the
pain.

Mindfulness is about accepting, as best we can, what is here right now - including
pain. We can use the body scan technique to bring awareness to each body part.
When we locate the area(s) of pain we can use the breathing technique. With each
in breath, say to yourself „In‟ and with each slow out breath, „Out‟. When we
notice areas of pain, we simply acknowledge and accept them, returning back to
our breath.

Another technique is to surf the pain like you would a wave. Carry out the body
scan, but this time when the pain is located bring your awareness to the sensation
of the pain and notice the rich qualities of it. Notice its temperature (heat, warmth,
coolness), space (expansion, neutrality, contraction), and physical (pulsing, calm,
pressure, vibrating, stabbing) sensations. Observe and allow the waves of pain
until you return your awareness to the breath. Although it may take a little
practise, it is possible to be in a relatively calm state when in pain.

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When practising mindfulness in pain management, our ability to cope with pain
improves and in turn, so does our quality of life. It also has the wonderful added
benefit of easing much of the mental and emotional strain that goes along with
pain. We start to see thoughts as just „mental events‟ rather than facts, which
lessens their impact. This works especially well when working with anxiety and
depression.

Imaging studies show that mindfulness soothes the brain patterns underlying pain
and, over time, these changes take root and alter the structure of the brain itself,
so that patients no longer feel pain with the same intensity. Many say that they
barely notice it at all.

Accepting the sensations of the first arrow of suffering, the initial stimuli, allows
the second arrow of suffering, our response, to take care of itself. In effect,
Mindfulness shows us how to turn down the volume control on our pain. When
we do this, any anxiety, stress or depression that is attached to the pain begins to
fade away too. Your body can then relax and start to heal.

Mindfulness is now taking its place as a credible approach to managing pain in

all its forms, physical, mental and emotional. When we utilise Mindfulness, not
only do we learn to listen to our bodies but, with practise, we tell our bodies how
we want them to feel. We can take back control, something everyone in pain
wants to do.

Mindfulness & Relationships

When we bring a mindful approach to our relationships, it can lead to many

beneficial changes. This applies to both our deeply emotional relationships, such
as those with our parents, children, and partner, as well as our more practical
relationships, such as neighbours and colleagues. It even applies to those
encounters we have with people in everyday life such as shop workers, doctors
receptionists etc.

Every relationship, including those we listed, is a two way street. Our attitudes
will reinforce what is going on in the relationship. Your husband always comes
home in a caring and loving mood so you therefore smile each time he does. He
always comes home to your welcoming smile. On the flip side, your husband
always comes home in a bad mood and his first words are always unkind. You
know and expect this, so always look defensive and ready for an argument when
he walks through the door.

Remembering to be kind to yourself, think of your attitudes in relationships. Do

you sulk? Can you see the other person‟s point of view?
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Are you needy? Jealous? Be honest with yourself, even when you are looking at
qualities most of us would prefer not to own up to.

We can often have a compulsive need to be right, or at least make the other person
wrong. This is due to the mind-made self feeling threatened, as it can‟t afford to
be wrong. If it is, we would question everything we believe to be true. Once we
have detached ourselves from the mind, it makes no difference to our sense of
self if we are right or wrong, so the compulsion disappears. We are then able to
state calmly and clearly what we think or feel, but there will be no defensiveness
around this. After all, what is it we are defending? An image of our identity, in
the mind.

Mindful Listening

In order to listen mindfully, we have to put aside all judgements and

negative expectations of the person we are listening to. By giving all our attention
to what they are saying, we hear them more clearly. Mindful listening begins with
our self. We need to acknowledge and accept our own issues.

Having understood and accepted our own issues and agendas, we can let go of
them and shift our focus to the other person. Decide to give your full attention to
listening. Stop anything else you are doing and clear your mind of your own
thoughts. Really listen to the person and hear what they are saying. Take notice
of their body language, the tone of their voice, and the speed with which they
speak.

If thoughts come to us whilst we are listening, put them to one side. Let your
positive responses encourage the speaker. Stay with the subject and try not to
judge. Be prepared for the conversation to take longer than normal.

The more we bring Mindfulness into our life, the easier it is to bring a mindful
attitude to our relationships. Mindful listening is just one way of being in the
moment, in the here and now.

Acknowledging and accepting are important in relationships. We can waste a lot

of time and energy wishing for people to be different. You may want a romantic
partner, a more caring parent, high achieving children, a more organised manager
and so on. We need to accept people as they are, not as we want them to be. This
is the first step to improving our relationships

If we use mindful detachment in our relationships, just by taking a step back we

are able to differentiate between our reasonable desires and unrealistic wishes.
We may even come to realise that a relationship has gone beyond repair.
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It may be over, or changing to a new dynamic but, with acknowledgement and

acceptance, the likelihood is that it will be a change for the better.

Benefits of Mindfulness in Relationships

Listening mindfully, with our full attention, and responding with loving
kindness will lead to more effective communication with fewer arguments and
misunderstandings. We will achieve greater empathy with other people and be
less likely to begin or continue an argument.

Mindfulness helps us to let go of the difficult emotions that follow a

confrontation. It gives us a greater understanding of our self and why we react in
the ways we do, leading to us feeling more comfortable in our own skin.

Mindfulness will help us stay calm and reduce any anxiety we feel in social
situations. Mindfulness is an enduringly beautiful and fascinating process –
enjoy!

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Questions on Lesson Seven

Please answer the following questions using no more than 75 words for each.
Incorporate the questions within your answers
(eg. the number of days in the year is 365)

Q1. What factors contribute to stress?

Q2. How can the body scan help manage stress?

Q3. How does pain impact on our well-being?

Q4. Explain how we can view pain mindfully.

Q5. What are some of the benefits of Mindfulness in relationships?

Q6. How do we listen mindfully?

Return your answers to either:

Dr.neetaparate9@gmail.com

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Your Name – Mindfulness (tutored) – Lesson Number

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