The Circus's Knife Act

Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at http://archiveofourown.org/works/47913376.

Rating: General Audiences

Archive Warning: Major Character Death
Category: F/F
Fandom: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Relationships: Mai/Ty Lee (Avatar), Mai/Ty Lee (one-sided), Mai/Zuko (Avatar),
Suki/Ty Lee (implied), Mai & Ty Lee (Avatar), Suki & Ty Lee (Avatar),
Azula & Ty Lee (Avatar), Ty Lee & Original Character
Characters: Ty Lee (Avatar), Mai (Avatar), Zuko (Avatar), Azula (Avatar), Ty Lee's
Sisters (Avatar), Sokka (Avatar), Suki (Avatar), Kyoshi Warriors
(Avatar), Chan (Avatar), Ruon-Jian (Avatar)
Additional Tags: Unrequited Love, Love, Canon-Typical Violence, Not Compliant with
Avatar Comics, canon is what i make of it and if this is it then so be it,
ummm - Freeform, Timeskips, Kyoshi Warrior Ty Lee (Avatar), Angst,
Fluff and Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bittersweet Ending,
Weddings, Wakes & Funerals, Mental Health Issues, Self-Worth Issues,
Love Confessions, Rejection, Prison, Boiling Rock Prison (Avatar),
Kyoshi Island, Circus, Auras Are Real, Ty Lee is Descended From
Airbenders, it's implied but still, Obsession, No Dialogue, mostly -
Freeform, Inspired by Music, I'm Sorry, kind of
Language: English
Stats: Published: 2023-06-16 Words: 6,126 Chapters: 2/2
 The Circus's Knife Act
by Melongo_Lord

Summary

She's loved her since she met her. But loving someone isn't the same as being with them. To
know that in the end, they chose you over everyone else.
 The Rise
Chapter Notes

Here are the songs that inspired this fic ^u^

"Honeydew" by Singto Conley ft. Hikaru Station/Bao the Whale

"Butterfly Water" by Pastelle and My City Glory

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Ever since she was young, she knew she loved her. They met when they were girls, in the
Royal Academy for Girls. She was the fourth daughter of the Ty family, and Mai was a year
above her, the daughter of Lord Ukano and Lady Michi. They were important, but not
important enough to upstage her, so they became friends with Princess Azula, as per their
parents' wishes. She embraced the friendship, which of her sisters got to be friends with the
Princess?

But Azula was mean. She shot fire at them, and was constantly mentioning her father, acting
more like a soldier than a child. She could be nice, too but those moments were few and far
between.

But Mai…Mai was another story. She wasn’t the most open person, but her aura was always
so much kinder than Azula’s. When Azula had to go away for her firebending training or
whatever else, they spent time together. Mai showed her the knives she owned, and when she
showed Mai the new gymnastics she learned, she paid attention. She made her feel seen. But
every time, it would be interrupted when Azula came back or when her brother Zuko came to
see what they were doing.

She called her by her full name. Everyone did. It killed her to think everyone just saw her as
“the fourth Ty daughter”, and that she had to have been given the most generic name in the
Fire Nation, but she didn’t dare say anything lest they react badly. Instead, when she's finally
had enough of being part of a matched set, she runs away to the circus. She’s twelve years old
and abandoning the life of luxury she’s known her whole life. And she doesn’t regret any of
it. She loves the freedom, being away from her family’s influence, she loves the circus itself.

Well, she missed one thing. Mai. Every day, she found another thing about her to miss. Her
silky hair, her cold eyes that she’s seen the warmth in, the way she smiled when she actually
liked something. She dreamt about finding her again, running into each other's arms, and
declaring their love for each other before locking their words with their lips.

But alas, it was impossible. She was always on the move, and even if they could find each
other, they couldn’t be together. Azula’s great grandfather had made it a punishable offense,
in order to “preserve the sanctity of the Fire Nation.” What would happen to them if they did
get together? And what if Mai didn’t feel the same way? That last thought kept her up for
many nights on end.

But two years after joining the circus, she finds a proposition awaiting her in the form of the
one Princess Azula. Apparently, the Avatar was alive after all, and Zuko had failed to retrieve
him. So now, Azula has been tasked with finding him and bringing him back to face his
father’s judgement. She remembers when Zuko was first banished. She remembers hearing
him scream when his father cupped his face with his flaming hand. How despondent he was
when he was healing before leaving on his journey.

But Azula’s methods of…persuasion are admittedly effective, so she embarks on a quest to
retrieve the Fire Nation's Crown Prince, and maybe the Avatar. Which is how she finds
herself in Omashu, or rather New Ozai. And in New Ozai, she finds Mai. Her heart flutters in
her chest and she remembers why she loved her so much, and even more reasons to.

Their travels are long and tedious, so they pass time telling each other of all that the other
missed out on. Mai has a little brother now, Tom-Tom. Her aura is a bit pinker than when she
saw her last.

They chase the Avatar together, and she tries to ignore the burning in her heart by focusing on
the Avatar's friend. He's cute, sure, but she knows she's not fooling herself. They get foiled,
or they get really close, but he and his friends always get away. It's frustrating, but she uses
them as excuses to stay with Mai.

They paint each other's faces with the oils they stole from the Kyoshi Warriors. This is the
closest she's ever been to Mai’s face. She can see her pores, some blocked by the white and
red paint on her skin. She could kiss her right now, but Azula is right outside, and the spirits
know what will happen to them if she sees them. And so, she takes the safest path (the
coward's path) and pushes the thought away. After all, the Earth King is waiting for them.

The Avatar is dead. They say Zuko killed him, but she and Mai were there. It was Azula who
fired the shot, and all four of them return to the Fire Nation as heroes. But she couldn't care
less about that. What she does care about is that Mai and Zuko are dating. And she feels her
heart shatter into nothing. Most of her is happy for Mai. Of course she is. She looks happy,
and she’s actually smiling. But that one selfish part of her, the part of her she was never able
to tune out no matter how quiet it was, is screaming. Two women could not love each other,
as Sozin decreed, but at least there was hope in Mai's willingness to partake in lawlessness.
But now? When she's with Zuko? When both of them are happy, and spending all their time
together? There's a better chance of Wan himself returning from the dead. So she focuses on
Azula. Stay in her good graces and out of trouble, back to playing the game she was so good
at as a child.

They're at Ember Island, where “their edges will smooth out”. The second they find their way
on the beach, she’s being crowded by a myriad of boys, whose desire to prove their affection
to her ranges from humorous to slightly creepy. But, they pay attention to her, so she keeps
them around, trying to ignore what that says about her. After a needlessly intense game of
volleyball, where she is reminded of when she thought Azula was a soldier, two boys
approach them. She prepares for some declaration of fear and closes her eyes. But, it seems
they did something right, because they’re all invited to a party, where once again, she’s
surrounded by a bunch of boys begging for her attention. She’s getting a little tired of this.
Azula seems jealous of it, though. They don’t really care about her, she says. They just want a
fun game to play. And while she thinks she’s right, it still hurts. She doesn’t even care about
these boys, but the thought of only being seen as some meat to snack on, just to move on to
the next girl, makes her lip quiver. She starts to cry, and for what she thinks is the first time
ever, Azula apologizes. She wipes her tears, and puts on a smile. After all, who cares about
this dumb party anyway?

She helps Azula try to flirt with one of the boys that invited them here, Chan she thinks his
name was, and for a small moment, it’s like they’re all kids again. Before grown ups and
politics and strategies took over everything. Azula goes outside with him, while Zuko picks a
fight with the other party host Ruon-Jian. In the ensuing chaos, Mai breaks up with him, and
she tries to hide the smile on her face. Sure, she feels bad for Zuko, even if he’s been getting
needlessly angry more often, but now she might actually have a chance with Mai. She never
was the most selfless person.

The three of them make a bonfire after Zuko gets them all kicked out of the party. After a
while, Azula goes out to find him, leaving her and Mai alone. She wants to say something,
anything, but if the guarded way Mai is sitting is any indication, she’s not in the mood for
someone trying to know if she’s into women as well.

Azula and Zuko return, Zuko carrying “kindling” as he called it. It was a painting of their
family. He callously throws it into the flames, and watches as their stoic faces become
nothing but embers. Something’s wrong, she knows it. She tries to talk to him, get him to
open up, but he lashes out at her, no surprise. He accuses her of being stuck in her own world,
where everything is fun and peachy. He mocks her by standing on his hands before falling to
the ground, ending his tirade with the all so familiar phrase “circus freak”.

Circus freak.

The phrase she used to hear so often as a child, before she actually became one. It sets
something off inside her, and for the first time in years, she brings up her sisters, how she was
barely there in her parents’ eyes, how at least after she ran away, she had an identity that
couldn’t also be attributed with her sisters as well. Mai, who had been silent the whole time,
finally speaks up, and tells her that she acts the way she does because of how her parents
never paid attention to her, and the fact that she’s right makes her angry. She loves Mai, she’s
never been more sure of anything, but having someone lay you bare like that would make
anyone say something they’d regret. She tells Mai that she doesn’t care about anything and
her aura is dingy and gray, and while she’s saying it, her brain is yelling at her to stop talking
and apologize. But before she can, Mai starts talking. About how her parents controlled her,
how she was never allowed to express herself, how alone she was. Alone. Her heart bleeds
for Mai. She doesn’t regret her decision to join the circus, she never did. But the thought of
how she just left Mai all by herself, and a small part of her, the most stupid and impulsive
part of her, wishes she stayed, just so she could be with Mai for just a few more years. It’s
now Zuko and Azula’s turn to talk about their feelings. Zuko talks about how his father
scarred his face, and she’s genuinely shocked. She heard about it, sure. Agni above, she
attended it. Azula was there at the Agni Kai as well, and when she met up with her again they
discussed all that happened. But hearing Zuko say it from his own mouth…She’s appalled,
but what was she supposed to say? Azula was right in front of her, and she’d be a fool to
think she hadn’t gotten even better at firebending. So she says nothing. She shakes herself out
of her thoughts to keep listening to Zuko. He’s angry, confused, and scared. He doesn’t think
he knows the difference between right and wrong anymore, but she takes one look in his eyes
and knows that isn’t true. He’s not stuck on that. He’s caught between his sense of right and
wrong, and his desire for his father’s love. Love she knows will never befall him, not as long
as that scar rests on his face. Not as long as he bases his honor on another’s heart, or lack
thereof. And Mai walks back to him, and they share a kiss. She looks down, realizing the
feelings in her heart are inappropriate right now, but she shoots her head up when she hears
Azula laugh. She calls all of this a performance, and while normally she knows better than to
speak out against her, baring her soul to everyone, and hearing Mai and Zuko bare theirs, she
feels more confident in herself. But before she can open her mouth, Zuko speaks instead. He
tells his sister how she doesn’t care about anything, and Azula laughs it off. Her laughter is
short and forced, and she then stares into the fire. Her mother thought she was a monster. A
monster? No, Lady Ursa could never think that of anyone, let alone her own daughter. And…
Azula agreed with the judgement. Azula could be mean, calculating and controlling, but she
wasn’t a monster . She thinks about Azula’s father, how often she would bring him up. How
often he would call her in for more training. And while she’s still afraid of Azula, her heart
bleeds just a little more, for the little girl she knew, raised to be a weapon, who thought
herself to be a monster. She picks up a rock, and rubs its smooth edges, finally understanding
what people say about Ember Island.

They return to Chan and Ruon-Jian’s party, the creeps, and they totally wreck it, and maybe
set the house on fire, but no one needed to know that was them. It’s the most fun any of them
have ever had, if you were to ask her. They return to Caldera laughing the whole way.

Zuko’s gone. He left to join the Avatar, who was alive apparently, during the Day of Black
Sun while everyone was evacuated. He breaks up with Mai in the process, and he does so by
writing the most skeletal scroll in existence. It’s one of the most tactless things she’s seen, but
given that it’s Zuko, she’s not really surprised. Mai is devastated, and she stays with her
while she talks about it. She almost considers saying something, but the part of her that has
morals stops her, saying that’s an incredibly cruel thing to do, and might ruin the relationship
with Mai she does have. Mai tells her she’s going to kill him when she sees him again. She
says nothing on it.

Mai’s off visiting her uncle at the Boiling Rock, so she and Azula are in the capital, Azula
discussing how she thinks Zuko is there as well. Honestly, given how well Zuko has been at
thinking things through before, she’s surprised it took this long for him to get arrested. But
then again, Zuko always has been full of surprises. He had the courage to do what she could
never, but he’s also smart enough to not immediately arouse suspicion, so something clearly
must be off about the whole situation. She’s about to voice her concerns to Azula, but the side
glance she gives her makes her shut her mouth rather quickly.

The Boiling Rock. The most secure prison in the Fire Nation, maybe on this side of the
world. Manned by the most elite guards in the country, and at the top of the chain, with an
iron fist and even harder heart, is Mai’s uncle Tetsu Kanshu. No one has ever gotten out
without the Warden’s express permission. There’s an escape attempt happening right in front
of them.

Zuko, one of those Kyoshi Warriors she ambushed, two adult men, and one of the Avatar’s
friends that she kept flirting with (Sokko, if she’s remembering correctly), are holding Tetsu
hostage, and trying to escape on one of the transport gondolas. She, Mai and Azula leap on
top in order to stop what they’re doing. Regret flashes in Zuko’s eyes when he sees Mai,
whose eyes shine with longing, not that she was looking, but the fight continues. It goes until
they try to escape on another gondola, with the three of them back on the ground. Azula
orders Mai to cut the rope suspending them over the deadly boiling water, but instead…she
turns to Azula. She proclaims that she loves Zuko more than she fears Azula, aiming her
knives at her. Mai doesn’t miss. And Azula never hesitates. She watches as Azula spits that
they should have feared her more, and she doesn’t know if that’s possible. They’re at a
standstill. Zuko and company will most definitely escape, but what happens to the three of
them now depends entirely on her shoulders. She stares at her hands as Azula and Mai inch
closer to each other, almost-white flames dancing on Azula’s hand, the sun running across the
razor edge of Mai’s blade. The decision is made in an instant. She lunges forward, her fingers
striking all the right pressure points, she watches as her target falls to the ground,
immobilized and powerless against her. Mai watches in shock as Azula lays on the ground,
unable to even writhe in anger. The prisoners escape, and the guards help Azula up, where
they are ordered to send the two of them to a place where she never has to see their faces
again.

It takes a lot of spiritual power to see auras, the energy that every living being gives off. Her
Great Grandmother Jaya had the same power. As far as she knows, none of her sisters have
the ability, which, along with the connection with Great Grandmother, made her feel special.
It was because of that spirituality that her Great Grandmother taught the art of chi blocking.
The ability to immobilize any opponent, whether they’re another nonbender or the Avatar
himself. She spent years teaching her what pressure points did what, and what order to strike,
until she finally was considered a master. There was a ceremony and everything. Even Mai
and Azula showed up. But a few weeks later, Great Grandmother died.

After the funeral, she always held chi blocking close to her. A useful tool, yes. But also part
of who she was.

She never expected it to land her in prison. She and Mai are kept in a complex on the other
side of the Fire Nation, in the second most secure prison on this side of the world. Or most
secure now, given recent events.

It’s at the prison that the two of them see some familiar faces. The Kyoshi Warriors they
ambushed in order to infiltrate Ba Sing Se. And judging by their hateful squints and angry
auras, they recognize them too. Yay…

But, she’s not one to turn away from opportunity (usually), and this could end up well for her.
So, she gets Mai’s attention, and despite her protests, walks up to the imprisoned Kyoshi
Warriors. She introduces herself, tries to ignore the looks that would most definitely leave her
as a scorch mark if they could, and tries to explain herself. They all look slightly interested
when she explains why she and Mai are in prison, and then seem to almost fall over
themselves when she asks if she could teach them something so sacred, she told the Princess
herself she wouldn’t teach her how to do it.

They look at her skeptically, seeming to have a conversation among themselves over whether
to trust her or not. After what seems like hours, they finally look back to her, and say they’ll
accept her lessons, but if she tries anything, they will not hesitate to leave her and Mai to rot.
She graciously accepts their terms.

The lessons go well. The Kyoshi Warriors practice on each other, and she practices on the air
so that she is free to help if one of them strikes her opponent in the wrong place and stops
their heart. Luckily, that only happened once. In a few weeks, they’re not masters, but the
Kyoshi Warriors are good enough to use chi blocking in combat, so she gives them more
freedom to practice on their own.

It’s on one of these days that she’s sitting on a rock in the courtyard. Mai walks from her
obscenely luxurious cell to join her, saying nothing. They sit in silence for a while before Mai
turns to her. She’s confused. She wants to know why she betrayed Azula for her. She could
have kept playing the game, stayed in her good graces and never have landed here. So why?
Why did she betray Azula?

She looks at her. She sees her golden eyes that hold more softness than they know. The
guarded way she holds herself, even in these stony walls. Her porcelain skin that is in no way
delicate. Her soul that’s kinder than it seems, her mouth that’s so beautiful when it smiles, her
silky hair that shines even in this prison. The person who knows her better than anyone else,
that she knows better than anyone. The girl she’s always loved more than she’s ever loved
herself. She takes a breath and opens her mouth.

“Because it was you.”

Her voice is heavy and slow, as she finally says what she should have when she was ten. She
sees the light in Mai’s eyes ever so slightly change as she gives a small smile. She hugs her
and says she’s glad she knows her. Mai’s glad she’s her friend.

Friend.
 The word echoes through her mind, leaving her blind and deaf to the rest of what Mai says, if
she even says anything. She makes up an excuse about checking on the Kyoshi Warriors’ chi
blocking progress, and tries to ignore the feeling in her stomach.

Acid. Someone must have replaced all the blood in her veins with acid, that’s why she’s
feeling this way. She has the Warriors review their forms one more time, gives superfluous
advice, and just watches them. She was a fool. A fool to think Mai could ever feel the same
way. And how could she? She should be grateful she was Mai’s friend. Her aura was the
pinkest it had ever been with Zuko. Even more so than she ever was with her. And now she’s
in prison for her blindness. She doesn’t regret her actions, but the pain of this non revelation
stings more than it should.

The Kyoshi Warriors notice her depression. Jianyi, one of her best students, approaches her
and asks her what’s wrong. She tries to smile and says she has a stomach ache, probably from
the gruel they call food here. She’s kept her feelings silent to their target for seven years,
she’s not going to reveal them to her student she’s known for a month or so. Jianyi glances
over at Mai, before looking back at her and giving a kind smile. She tells her that if you dwell
too much on stomachaches, the pain never goes away. She simply smiles back at her.

The war is over. The Avatar defeated Fire Lord Ozai, and when Zuko ascends to the throne, a
ceasefire is called throughout the world. A new era can start, one without bloodshed in the
name of pointless conquest. But that’s not all that happens. She’s officially instated as a
Kyoshi Warrior, able to help those her people have oppressed for a century. It’s good for her,
she decides.

She learns about the principle of the Kyoshi Warriors, gains a new sisterhood. And for the
first time in her life, it’s like she belongs somewhere. She actually makes friends of her own
volition. Katara, the waterbender the Avatar travelled with, whose name is Aang. Toph
Beifong, whose name she was already familiar with from some old party when she was
younger, and Sokka, Katara’s brother. She feels content.

Chapter End Notes

This was going to be just a cute romance story before I remembered I have no idea how
to write romance. But I do know how to write angst. So here we are.

tumblr
 The Fall
Chapter Summary

It never was meant to be, was it?

Chapter Notes

I'm sorry.

See the end of the chapter for more notes

She’s been invited to a wedding. The lucky couple is Zuko and Mai, who had gotten back
together some time after the war had ended. She accepts the invitation, hugs her sisters
goodbye, and makes her way to the Fire Nation, preparing herself for when her heart
inevitably tries to kill her. The eight years away from home have been good for her. She’s
become a better person, because the spirits know she wasn’t one during the war. And yet, all
that time did little to quell the feelings in her heart. She feels like a character in those cheesy
romance plays she would see as a child.

When she arrives at the palace, she can already feel the nerves setting in. She feels nauseous
looking at all the ornate decorations and servants scurrying around for last minute
preparations. The wedding will be in a few days, so there is time to do as she pleases before
the ceremony.

She’s wandering the palace when she runs into Mai. She’s no longer taller than her, and her
hair is somehow even sleeker than it used to be. Her aura is the pinkest it’s ever been. Mai
even smiles at her. She asks if it wasn’t too hard for her to get here, which she vehemently
denies. She congratulates her on her wedding to Zuko, and wishes her well. And despite how
much it kills her, she means every word of it. Mai’s happiness is her happiness. And she has
her sisters at Yokoya to make even more of it. She promises to be in the front row, cheering
for her.

She’s beautiful. Her dress is the traditional white and red of Fire Nation weddings. Her hair is
fluffed in a way that makes her look like a dark cloud. Her face is so bright, one might think
she was Agni’s reincarnation. She finds herself reminding herself to breathe, and if his face is
any indication, so does Zuko. They walk to their seats at the top of the dais, and the entire
room claps. They’re so focused on each other they don’t seem to notice. She watches as they
stare longingly in each other’s eyes, like they’re stuck in a romance story. She wishes she was
in it.

Zuko gives his words of commitment and Mai hers. Her voice cracks when she’s speaking
and she can’t help but shed a tear at the affection in her voice, even if she’s not the one
they’re directed to. After their words are spoken, the lips of the bride and groom meet and to
everyone in the audience, herself included, it seems they melt into each other. She’s not sure
if she’s not melting either.

She stays behind after the ceremony, gives her congratulations, and makes her way to her
quarters. She stands in the middle of the room, shaking. She keeps telling herself it’s fine
over and over again, trying to stop her lip from trembling before collapsing in a heap on the
floor, her voice stifled, hot tears cascading down her face. She’s pathetic. Twenty-two years
old and crying over a childhood crush. But even when she’s telling herself that, she knows
she’s nothing but a cornered liar. Mai had never been just a “childhood crush”. She had hoped
that in the fourteen years she’s had them, the feelings would fade. That she would be more
than just who her heart yearned for. And yet…

She sits down on the bed and stares at the wall in front of her. How much longer must she
define herself by others?

She gets up from the bed and takes a walk in the courtyard where she spent so much of her
childhood playing games with Mai and Azula. She sits down near the pond and watches as
the turtleducks lazily swim in the water. The babies quack at their mother, who in turn
nuzzles against another, probably her mate. Another watches from the distance, swimming in
circles before dunking under the water. It’s calming for a while, not having to do anything but
stare at a little animal in a pond. At least it was before a palace servant comes looking for her.
She sighs to herself and makes her way back to her quarters.

She needs to get out of here. Staying in this palace is bringing back too many memories, too
many feelings, and it’s killing her. She gets on the first boat back home to Kyoshi Island, and
leaves in the night. If she’s lucky, Mai and Zuko will assume she just got sick and went home.
Which is technically true but the reasoning might spoil the friendship she cherishes between
them.
When she arrives back on Yokoya, she’s greeted with welcomes and confusion. She was
always one to stay for a celebration, and the wedding of her best friend would most definitely
be a cause to celebrate, but the whole thing has been too much for her. She simply gives a
small smile and says that she missed them. It’s clear to everyone that that’s not the entire
reason, but they’ll accept it now that their sister has returned.

She buries herself in her duties after the wedding, desperately trying to find some purpose in
her life that doesn’t involve Mai. She trains the new recruits, her own body, helps around the
island. Anything to distract her. It's nice, honestly, giving her heart and mind a break. But it
doesn’t accomplish what she wants. She’s not obsessed with Mai, no. She’s just finding it
really hard to let go of her feelings after holding on to them for almost fifteen years.

One day, about two months after the wedding, she’s preparing for training when Suki walks
into her room. She’s always respected Suki, with her drive to better herself and her
community, the way she is able to separate her personal life from her duties. While their
relationship started out a bit awkward, especially considering she’s the reason Suki got
thrown in the most high-security prison in the Fire Nation, they’ve gotten as close as she has
to any of her other sisters. But all that notwithstanding, it’s still weird to see her here. Suki
gives her a solemn look and sits her down. This feels like an intervention and she isn’t
particularly looking forward to what it’s for.

Suki says she’s worried about her. They all are. She says everyone’s noticed that she’s been
throwing herself in her duties and they rarely catch her by herself. On top of that, Suki adds,
her face has lost the light it’s known for. She will admit her aura has looked a bit grayer as of
late, but that doesn’t mean anything’s wrong. She’s just had a lot on her mind is all. Suki
doesn’t look convinced and asks her what’s wrong. She tries to play it off, but Suki isn’t
letting up. When she doesn’t get an answer, she resorts to guessing. It starts with being
worried about her performance to her recurring insecurity of being part of a matched set, to if
it was about a boy. When she says that, she can’t help but turn her head away. In the corner of
her eye, she sees Suki’s eyes widen. She pretends she doesn’t hear when Suki asks if it’s a
girl, but her teeth are starting to hurt from how hard they’re pressed against each other. Suki
sits still for a moment before pulling her into a hug. She tries to keep herself composed,
remain the eternally cheerful person everyone knows her as, but somehow, that one act of
kindness and acceptance from Suki just…breaks her.

She tries to ignore the wetness coating her cheeks as she explains everything to Suki.
Growing up, the hunt for the Avatar with Azula, her confession in prison, and finally the
wedding. For so many years, Mai was the most important person in her life. She was more
important than her sisters, than Azula, than herself. Everything was pink when Mai was
around. They talked to each other about everything, and when the royal siblings weren’t
around, did everything together. Mai was everything.
She wishes she can just turn her feelings off, and spare herself from the torture of loving
someone and knowing they don’t feel the same way. Suki asks her if she wants to be with
Mai or Mai to be happy. She almost wants to say being with Mai, the selfish part of herself
trying to resurface, but she knows that Mai loves Zuko. And at least one of them should get
their happy ending. Suki doesn’t say anything after hearing her answer. The two simply sit in
silence as she composes herself. When she’s done crying, Suki suggests that maybe she can
make a new happy ending here on Yokoya. She sniffled while thinking it over. She’d like
that. Suki takes her hand in hers, and she just stares at their hands for a while before getting
up.

She’s visiting Mai and Zuko. It’s been about a year since the wedding, and she’s honestly in a
much better headspace than she was from the last time they saw each other. She wishes she
could see her best friend more often than they do, but she has her duties as a Kyoshi Warrior
and Mai’s the Fire Lady.

The palace has changed a lot in the years since Zuko became Fire Lord. She didn’t notice the
last time she was here at the wedding, being stuck in her own head, but it really does have a
more peaceful atmosphere, the servants not having to worry about being banished over some
perceived slight or show of weakness.

Usually when they visit, it’s because an Ozai loyalist made another assassination attempt on
Zuko’s life and he wants a few more bodyguards. But public opinion has been swaying in his
favor in the last few years, so need for extra protection hasn’t really been a priority.

But, she got a vacation and Suki told her to take some time for herself, so when the first ship
arrived at Yokoya, she boarded and traveled to Caldera. She couldn’t wait to see Zuko and
Mai again.

As she approaches the throne room, she watches as the servants talk among themselves. In
the corner of her eye, she sees Azula sip a cup of tea. She heard that Azula had been
receiving treatment after her Agni Kai with Zuko and Katara and was living in the palace
again. She’s happy that she’s getting the help she needs, but she’s not ready to speak to her
yet. She walks faster down the hallway and when the imposing gates of the throne room stare
down at her. It’s been a year since she’d seen Mai. Her talk with Suki all those months ago
had helped her mental health greatly, but what if Mai didn’t want to see her. The last time
they saw each other was at the wedding and she’s sure Mai noticed that she left rather
abruptly after the ceremony. What if she thinks that she hates her? What if she doesn’t want
to talk to her? She just left the night of the most important day of her life, and she just
 suddenly shows up like some prophet of Agni why wouldn’t Mai be angry? But she’s made it
this far, so she takes a deep breath and knocks on the heavy golden doors.

The doors swing open and she’s greeted by a sight of a confused Zuko. He asks her what
she’s doing here, and if something’s wrong. She smiles and just says she wanted to visit.
Zuko invites her inside, and they spend many hours talking about whatever comes to mind.
Mai is out seeing a healer and she won’t be back for a while, so she is able to enjoy a clear
head for a while. It definitely isn’t worried sick about Mai and if she’s going to be alright.
Not at all. Her mind is clear, like the water in the reflecting pool outside.

She’s about to ask about Mai when they hear a disturbance. She turns her had and sees Mai
enter. Her face lights up as she sees her best friend that at this point she’s a bit unsure over
whether she’s still madly in love with or not.

She jumps from the ground and rushes over to nearly tackle Mai in a hug. She asks her
what’s wrong, what needed her to see a healer? Mai gives a small smile, a rare sight in itself,
and cradles her stomach. She looks down at Mai’s stomach, which is slightly swollen. That’s
a bit odd. But Mai’s happy about it. So that must mean…

Mai’s pregnant !? As in, she’s going to have a baby ? Where she might have once despaired
at the realization that this meant that she will never be with Mai, now her thoughts were filled
only with joy for Mai and Zuko, and slight indignation they waited until now to tell her. Mai
tells her that the healer said it was a girl. She’s going to be an aunt to a baby girl! She’s so
excited, she engulfs Mai in yet another hug, bouncing up and down.

She loves Mai and her unborn daughter in this moment so much that all she can do is hug her.
She holds her in her arms and whispers that she loves her. Whether she was talking to Mai or
her daughter, Lee’s not sure, but she means it all the same.

Chapter End Notes

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