Who am I?

by Madeliene Hermosa

One afternoon, as the sun painted the sky in hues of orange and pink, I found myself reflecting on my journey
through life. My story isn't like those fairytales with happy endings; it's more like a rollercoaster ride with ups and downs
that sometimes left me dizzy and disoriented. I'm the kind of girl who spends a lot of time thinking about things. I care a
whole lot about other people, and sometimes I have doubts about myself. But I always try my best to keep going. People
say my eyes show how I feel, and my smile spreads happiness wherever I go. I've got a friendly way about me that makes
it easy to talk to.
Ever since my parents split when I was young, life took on a different hue. My mom had a new husband, what
others call stepdad bringing a new family into our lives. But with my stepfather came a wave of conflicts and complexities
that I struggled to navigate. I never quite clicked with my stepfather and his children. They seemed too perfect, too
polished on the surface, but underneath lurked a pretentiousness that grated on my nerves. Like father, like son, they say.
Their kindness felt forced, their smiles plastic. I couldn't stand the facade, the insincerity that hung in the air whenever
they were around. Life wasn't easy, I missed having both of my parents around, and I often wondered why my dad had to
leave. Those questions stuck with me, making me feel lonely and lost. As I got older, I found myself struggling to make
sense of my emotions, especially in high school. Growing up without my dad was tough. I used to wonder if I was
somehow to blame for him leaving. Seeing other families together made me long for something I didn't have – a dad to
share moments with, someone to cheer me on and tell me everything would be okay.
My story starts in high school, a place full of excitement, drama, and confusion. It's where friendships are made
and broken, where everyone's trying to fit in while also standing out. But amidst all the chaos, I'm just trying to find my
path and make sense of the world around me. One particularly bitter argument with my mother left wounds that took time
to heal. Harsh words were exchanged, leaving scars on our relationship that seemed impossible to mend. “You okay?” a
voice called out, breaking through the silence. I turned to see my sister, Maan, approaching with a concerned look on her
face. "Yeah, just thinking,” I replied, offering her a small smile. She settled beside me, her presence comforting in the
fading light. “About Nanay?” she asked gently, knowing all too well the strain between us. I nodded, a heaviness settling
in my chest. “We had another fight,” I admitted, the words tasting bitter on my tongue. "I just can't seem to see eye to eye
with her." Ate sighed. “I know it’s tough Deline. But sometimes we have to forgive, even when it's hard,” she said softly,
her words carrying the weight of experience. “I know,” I murmured, feeling the weight of guilt and resentment gnawing
at me. “But it's not easy.” Later that evening, as I lay in bed reflecting on what happened, I couldn't shake the feeling of
unrest that lingered within me. But as I closed my eyes, I felt a sense of calm wash over me, knowing that no matter what
challenges lay ahead, I had the love and support of those who mattered most. And with that thought in mind, I drifted off
to sleep, ready to face whatever tomorrow may bring.
High school brought its own set of challenges. While my classmates seemed to have it all figured out, I felt like I
was drowning in a sea of uncertainty. I missed my dad, but I also harbored anger towards him for leaving us behind. Years
passed without a word from him, and each day felt like a battle against the emptiness inside me. I threw myself into my
studies, hoping that academic success would somehow fill the void in my heart. It was tough. I felt like I was still trying to
figure things out. I threw myself into my studies, hoping that success would make me feel better. But no matter how hard I
tried, I still felt empty inside. I just wanted to belong, to be seen for who I was.
One night, I find myself in a crowded place, surrounded by laughter and chatter. But amidst the noise, I felt an
overwhelming sense of loneliness wash over me. Stepping outside for a breather, I looked up at the stars and something
came. In that moment of stillness, I realized that I didn't need anyone else's approval to be happy. I had to embrace my
true self, flaws and all, and stop seeking validation from others. From that moment on, I started to live life on my terms. I
pursued my passions unapologetically and stopped pretending to be someone I wasn't. Sure, there were still moments of
doubt and insecurity, but I refused to let them hold me back. With the support of my friends, classmates, and especially
my boyfriend who has helped me and supported me with a heart. I weathered the storms that came my way and emerged
stronger than ever. Once I made that choice, things started to change. I began opening up to the people around me,
showing them the real Madiee. And you know what? They accepted me for who I was. It was like a huge weight had been
lifted off my shoulders. I started to figure out who I was and began to love myself for it. As I look back, I'm grateful for
every experience that has shaped me into the person I am today. Despite the scars of past conflicts and the uncertainty of
what lies ahead, I've learned that my value isn't determined by the approval of others or the absence of certain
relationships. I am Madiee – a person of strength, kindness, and authenticity. As I navigate through life's twists and turns,
I do so with the understanding that true fulfillment comes from within, and the most significant journey is the one toward
self-love and acceptance.
At the end of the day, when everything is quiet, I think about all the experiences that have made me who I am
today. Growing up has been a mix of happy moments and sad ones, like looking through a colorful kaleidoscope. Among
all the noise around me, I try to figure out what matters to me. Every day, I deal with new problems, but even when things
are tough I find the strength inside me to keep going. I learned to accept all the different parts of who I am, like pieces of a
puzzle. And as I keep growing up, I realize that the most important things are the ones I find inside myself. Looking back
on everything, I see how much I've grown. It wasn't easy, but every step of the way taught me something important. I
learned that being happy means being true to yourself and embracing what makes you unique. And now, as I step into the
future, I do it with a newfound confidence and love for myself.