Demystifying Charisma...
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Hey guys,
A few nights ago, I went barhopping with a friend of mine.
We both talked to truck loads of women and used practically
the same material on them. But by the end of the night my
friend's results were so bad he felt that he was blessed
with an unlikable self.
My experience, however, was the total opposite. I felt like
Satan with pitchfork in hand, inciting one girl after the
next to engage in some naughty mirth. Was it because of my
looks? Was it because I have some impalpable quality about
me called “charisma,” which is not teachable? Was it because
I am Satan? No - it was none of these things. Instead, it
was due to a set of learned skills. I know this because,
similar to my friend, I spent years feeling like a boring
sloth before transforming myself into a flittering butterfly
charming one group of women to the next.
But before I reveal to you the skills that distinguish a
charismatic Casanova from a floundering Waldo, I am going to
give you a quick overview of my method, Naturalized
Attraction.
Naturalized Attraction is not about trying to apply
therapeutic techniques used in psychology to dating,
attracting, and seducing women. Nor is it based upon the
unfounded claims propounded by the “let's play pseudo-
psychologist to the helpless, needy and pathetic” gurus of
the world - think Dr. Phil!
The starting point of “Naturalized Attraction” is always the
REAL WORLD. The method strives to observe, model, and
improve upon both the natural social behaviors that generate
attraction in women, and the glue that holds these behaviors
together. Our culture has mystified this glue under the
rubric “charisma” as an innate, intangible, non-teachable
quality possessed only by blessed individuals. “Charisma,”
however, is actually the combination of a few learnable and
repeatable skills.
So this begs the question: What skills constitute charisma
and how does a person go about acquiring these skills?
Two skills that play a mainstay in being charismatic are:
owning your material, and having a strong intent. Let's
start with the first one, owning your material. There are a
lot of men who cringe at the idea of having well rehearsed
jokes and stories prepared for social interactions. You
might be one of these men. If so, think about this: Most
socially adept people will unconsciously tell the same jokes
and stories over and over again, honing them to perfection.
Oftentimes, however, once a person is made conscious of, for
example, using a rehearsed story, he begins to worry that he
will come across to women as rehearsed. He may develop a
guilty conscience about using his story, thinking to himself
that using rehearsed material is akin to wiling a woman into
the sack. These insecurities are ludicrous. I have never met
a single socially adept person who used completely new
material in every social interaction. Purge your self of
these worries. Remember: Whether you are conscious of it or
not, having at least some rehearsed material is part of
having strong social skills.
Men with strong social skills are able to simultaneously
engage a woman - with, for example, quips and stories -
while also analyzing what they need to do to further engage
and attract her (Note: I define “attraction” not as how a
woman judges you, but as what you do to her mind and body.
Attraction or as I call it “Prizing” is getting a woman so
emotionally charged, she is compelled to chase you). I have
a friend who is a master at this. He can flow from one story
to the next while simultaneously gauging a woman's level of
attraction for him. This allows him to “in real time” make
adjustments to his material that will further engage and
attract the woman to him. When you have well rehearsed
material your brain power will not be expended on
remembering, for example, a particular jest or story.
Instead, you will have extra brain power to analyze what you
need to do to further engage and attract her.
I am bit fastidious, however, about people using others
material. If you are using someone else's material, you risk
coming across as fake. I have witnessed men rambling on for
a good hour, talking about their friend's adventures and
experiences as if they were their own. Once they ran out of
material, the women they were engaging almost always walked
away. Why did this happen? I think women intuitively know
when men are incongruent and inauthentic. When, on the
contrary, you use your own material, even if it is
rehearsed, it will be authentic because you are displaying
who you are. A few minutes of authentic material about your
self - who you are, what you are about, your experiences and
adventures…and so on - will get you further with women than
a man who goes on for hours with inauthentic material
borrowed from other people.
Having a strong intent also plays an important role in
acting charismatic. A few years back, women would often
times lose interest while talking to me or think that I was
B.S.-ing them. The reason was that they were picking up on
my weak intent. Even the girls lumbered with IQs barley into
the double digits picked up on this weakness. My problem: I
needed to develop a strong intent.
But what does it mean to have a strong intent? This is one
of the most misunderstood terms out there. This is due to
the follies of some of the branches within the field of
psychology - such as Neuro-Linguistic Programming [“NLP”] -
that fails to be precise when defining terminology. Having a
strong intent is most commonly misunderstood as meaning: A
congruency between a person's external behaviors and his
internal beliefs. This is, however, not the meaning but the
symptom of having a strong intent.
Having a strong intent is congruently:
1) Having the desire and the will to do what needs to
be done to achieve a particular outcome.
2) Having the unwavering belief that you will achieve
the intended outcome.
If a person has the desire and the will to do what needs to
be done to achieve a particular outcome but does not have
the belief that he can achieve it, he will come across as
needy. This used to be me. Although I had the desire and the
will to do what needs to be done to achieve a particular
outcome, I did not believe or think that I deserved the
outcome.
One thing that has helped me tremendously is rehearsing the
outcome of everything I intend to get an effect from. So,
for example, if I intend to tell a story to intrigue a
woman, I will rehearse in my mind her being intrigued by my
story. If, for example, I intend to have a woman lean in and
try to kiss me after I have kissed her and pulled back, I
will rehearse this over and over again in my mind.
When you are in an attraction flow - achieving one intended
outcome to the next - the material qua tools for achieving
these outcomes become transparent. When driving somewhere,
for example, you barely notice the car. All you are
concerned with is getting to the desired place. It is only
when, for example, you get a flat tire that you become
conscious again of the car as a tool used to get you to your
intended destination. Likewise, it only becomes obvious to
you and the woman that you are trying to do something to get
a particular outcome when something interrupts the
attraction flow, such as: stumbling over your words because
you don't know your material well, or not having the belief
that you are capable of getting your intended outcome ... or
whatever.
But all of the intended outcomes we have been discussing -
getting her intrigued, getting her to kiss you...and so on -
are only tools to achieve the META-INTENT: Getting her to
sleep with you.
When a person has mastered the attraction flow, everything
becomes transparent except the fact that he and the woman
are going to sleep together - they both know it is going to
happen. When a woman encounters a man of this caliber, she
will often speak about that quality she can't quite put her
finger on that draws her to him. In this culture we
oftentimes classify this behavior as “charisma.”
In the REAL WORLD it comes down to controlling the META-
FRAME, and having both a stronger reality and META-INTENT
than the woman you are attracting.
