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Steve Campsall 2006
Describe a visit to a fairground.
The writer has thought Walking towards the fairground was a thrill in itself – one that Always SET THE
about STRUCTURE – and SCENE. Don’t miss the
this gains marks! It gives a built with every step. The night was cool but dry: perfect for a great chance to get in some
clear direction to the description early on!
writing. Other potential night out! The fair wouldn’t be visible until we turned the final
structures are: through
space (e.g. outside to corner but already our expectations and the sheer suspense of it all
inside; points of a Notice the use of
compass); through time
(from then to now); from
were building to a peak. Sounds were already beginning to pour SENSORY
DESCRIPTION: what
the general to the particular. can be seen, heard,
through the air, “Boom! Boom! Boom!” and laser lights were
etc.
lighting up the clouds making them seem somehow unearthly and
weird. We were going to have the time of our lives.
A sense of TENSION and
energy is always better
than ‘flatness’! Then we arrived. The first thing we saw, because it was so huge,
Notice the vivid use of a
was the big wheel. The blurb had billed it as the biggest outside of SIMILE – always a mark
grabber!
London and wow was it big! It shone like a circle of diamonds in
the sky, spangled, bright and vivid. Surely the London Eye can’t
Notice how the opening be bigger than this? How can they transport something that huge
STRUCTURE is now
helping the writer work on the back of a lorry?
through the scene in a METAPHORS help to
LOGICAL MANNER: SHOW rather than
this is helpful to both TELL the reader what
the writer and the The next thing that hit us was a gloriously warm smell unique to a thing is like – always
reader. more effective as the
funfairs: a mingling of frying hot dogs, burgers, fried onions, reader can share the
feeling described.
candyfloss, toffee apples and… diesel fumes! This was a delight
for the senses: lights, sounds, smells, the thought of tastes to
SOPHISTICATED
PUNCTUATION is come… even the very air felt electric as if it was alive and urging
always a mark grabber!
us to take part. And take part we were going to do! As we looked to
our left we saw the scariest ride we’d ever seen, “Hell’s Door” it was Using PRECISE
VOCABULARY here
called. We’re for it! adds vividly to the
description – much
better than using a
series of ‘empty’ or
As we were strapped into our seats the already electric air became ‘flat’ adjectives.
alive with yet more feelings. As the safety restraint descended over
PERSONIFICATION
adds an emotional our shoulders we felt safer – if safe was the right word for this ride!
touch to the
description. With a jolt our necks were tossed backwards and off we went,
twisting, turning, lights flashing like the vast strobes of a pop
concert , rock music gushing out of the giant speakers, first right Another SIMILE –
too many would
way round then upside down. This was living to the full. This was spoil the effect, but
two or three are
“Hell’s Door”. This was the beginning of a night to remember. very powerful – and
gain marks!
