How to Master Your
Emotions By Yourself
My path towards mastering my emotions and
Emotional Intelligence
René Chunilall
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Published in
Change Your Mind Change Your Life
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4 min read
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Jul 7, 2023
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Photo by Sarath P Raj on Unsplash
No one teaches you about your emotions, but everyone expects you
to control them — how crazy!
You don’t learn it at home like learning to walk or talk, nor do you
pick it up as a subject at school, yet it’s a foundational skill that
determines whether you’ll be successful or not.
We struggle with Emotional Intelligence because we’re not born with
knowledge about our emotions. We’re left alone in the depths of
anger, guilt and shame, with very little light to guide us out — so
many of us survive our emotions.
Some of us are stronger than others and endure our emotions quite
well, but no one is strong all the time. We all let our guards down at
some point, and that’s when we judge ourselves and feel the wrath of
our conscience.
We resist and ignore our emotions by bottling them up, or blaming
and complaining about others hoping that would make our emotions
go away, but that’s temporary — we get rid of our fear and anger, but
it won’t be long before guilt and regret set in.
Surviving your emotions isn’t healthy because you start to fear them
and respond to them negatively, which makes the experience a lot
more intense.
I also spent most of my life fearing my emotions. It took me years of
discomfort to realize that I built a habit of responding to them
negatively.
But over the last few months, I learned that emotions have a
purpose, there’s a hidden lesson in each one of them just for you.
Frustration helps you see what you don’t like. Fear helps you be
courageous about the right things. Regret helps you see what you
should do differently going forward.
The issue isn’t your emotions, it’s how you respond to them.
This is what helps me respond better to my emotions,
1. Learn to Recognize and Be aware of Your Emotions,
When a situation triggers your emotions, take a step back and see
yourself feeling the way that you do. Don’t judge yourself, don’t
blame or complain, and don’t feel ashamed for feeling your
emotions, just feel the way that you feel.
2. Practice Self-control and be Patient with Your Emotions,
Your emotions will influence what you say and do. They are
intense, and your fight, flight or freeze instincts will kick in. But
don’t give in to that reaction, breathe and focus on controlling the
intensity of how they feel. Your patience and awareness will soon
help you see how you feel about that situation.
3. Respect What You Don’t Know,
As much as you do know, there’s a lot that you don’t know. Don’t
act too soon, or your assumptions could make you feel much worse.
Ask questions to help you understand better. Observe others to see
what they reveal to you. Consult with your reasonable inner voice
to see things differently. Soon you will understand better, but until
then, respect what you don’t know.
4. Act with Caution,
When you understand better, a reasonable way forward will be
revealed to you. Trust that way and respect yourself enough to
walk that way. Be cautious though, for this is an unpaved path and
you may need to step back a few times and move forward again.
5. Appreciate your Emotions,
Build a better relationship with your emotions by appreciating
them. There’s not much else inside you that can reveal you to
yourself as you face life, so appreciate your emotions for helping
you every step of the way.
Bonus Tip:
6. Repurpose Your Trauma One Trigger at a Time
This is a long game, which will take time to heal, but in each of us
lives trauma of some form. It could be childhood trauma,
generational curses or negative programming. Don’t expect to
know of all your trauma because the situations you face will
trigger them in you. Take note of each of them, and repurpose this
trauma. It will be difficult, but as you give your trauma a better
meaning, you will be able to respond better to the situations that
trigger them.
As you grow to respond better to your emotions, you will understand
and empathize with others as they go through the motions of their
emotions.
You will learn to respond(not react) to their emotions and become
Emotionally Intelligent.
All that you say and do won’t seem dishonest or insincere because
you will have experience with facing your emotions.
You will recognize and be patient with their emotions, and guide
them towards building a better relationship with their emotions
because you can do it for yourself too.
It all starts with you.
So, practice mastering your emotions every day with the macro and
micro situations that you face.
Check in with yourself at the end of every day, see where you went
right and wrong, see where you can improve and what needs to heal,
and then do what you need to do to move forward.
You are your responsibility after all.
Invest in your existence,
René
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