Prismatic

Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at http://archiveofourown.org/works/33028150.

Rating: Not Rated

Archive Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Category: Other
Fandom: 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Relationship: Kim Namjoon | RM/Kim Seokjin | Jin
Characters: Jeon Jungkook, Kim Namjoon | RM, Kim Seokjin | Jin, Jung Hoseok | J-
Hope, Min Yoongi | Suga, Park Jimin (BTS), Kim Taehyung | V, Jeon
Jungkook's Father, Jeon Jungkook's Parents, Original Characters
Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Foster Family, Foster Care, Implied/Referenced
Rape/Non-con, Non-Graphic Violence, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse,
Child Abuse, Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Emotional/Psychological Abuse,
Emotional Manipulation, Family, Love, Adopted Children, Recovery,
Therapy, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Hurt Jeon Jungkook, Jeon
Jungkook-centric, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Self-Harm, Anxiety,
Depression, Panic Attacks, Adoption, Adopted Sibling Relationship,
Suicidal Thoughts, Angst with a Happy Ending, Self-Esteem Issues, It
Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder -
PTSD, Mental Health Issues, Flashbacks, Implied/Referenced
Homophobia, Homophobic Language, namjin are married, Trauma, Rape
Aftermath, Suicide Attempt, Borderline Personality Disorder, slow
recovery process but i promise things will get better
Language: English
Series: Part 1 of Prismatic
Collections: Favorites
Stats: Published: 2021-08-04 Completed: 2023-02-09 Words: 200,885
Chapters: 40/40
 Prismatic
by Talking_Cabbage

Summary

Jungkook has a long list of secrets and an even longer road to recovery when he returns to his
foster parents, Jin and Namjoon’s house, after a failed attempt to reunite him with his
biological father.

---

Foster/Adoption AU where Namjoon and Jin have managed to adopt all their foster kids
except Jungkook. While they fight to get justice and custody, Jungkook grapples with his
own trauma and the rift that has grown between him and his brothers.
 Chapter 1
Chapter Notes

TRIGGER WARNING DISCLAIMER: If you can't tell by the tags, this story is going to
address some very dark and heavy topics. The chapters are quite long and for spoiler
sake I'm not putting individual trigger warnings for tags in the beginning of every
chapter like I see some authors do. Thus, if you feel like this story will trigger you given
the tags above, I suggest you find a lighter story to read.

Seokjin and Namjoon schooled their expressions into something more calm, but still with the
appropriate amount of parental concern written into their features. In truth, they were
horrified. Had they missed Jungkook so much that it felt like their family was incomplete
without him, leaving a gaping hole in their hearts that nothing could fill? Of course. Despite
that, they knew if the call from social services ever came to deposit Jungkook back into their
care it only meant that bad things had happened to him or those designed to take care of him.
Either way, he’d ended up hurt.

This was the third time they’d gotten such a call. The third time that Jungkook had to be
removed from his living situation because of some incompetency on his biological relatives’
part. Three times they had to confirm to the social worker that, yes, they were still willing to
take Jungkook back and no, there wasn’t a need to find another foster family.

Internally, Namjoon cursed. Why couldn’t social services give up on trying to ‘reunite’
Jungkook with biological relatives and just let them adopt him already? Jungkook had gone
into ‘the system’ when he was just a baby, his first connections and relationships were with
Namjoon, Jin, and his foster-siblings. It was ironic that out of all their children, they’d
technically had Jungkook the longest but he was the only one they hadn’t been able to adopt.
Every time Jungkook was pulled from a relative’s home, another would materialize out of the
woodwork like clockwork, claiming they wanted custody. But they always failed to keep him
safe. They weren’t his real family. They didn’t deserve him. Namjoon cycled through the
short yet tumultuous events of Jungkook’s upbringing as Jin drove to their destination with a
white-knuckled grip.

Age six. Despite living under his and Jin’s roof since infancy while his mom got her
substance abuse under control, she managed to clean herself up enough to be granted custody.
After barely six months of living with her, she relapsed and died of an overdose. Thankfully
she’d been at her dealer’s place so Jungkook hadn’t found her body, instead he came home to
an empty house after school where he waited and waited until he used the landline to call
their house and Namjoon had picked up. “Daddy? Um, I mean Joonie?” Jungkook’s high-
pitched voice had filtered through the phone, “Mom hasn’t come home yet. I’m hungry. I
don’t know where she is.” Not even a couple hours later and Jungkook was back in their
home, tucked safely into bed after a warm homemade meal. The next morning they sat him
down to explain his mother had passed away as Jungkook sobbed into a teddy bear she’d
given him.

Age nine. After roughly three more years of Jungkook back in their care and his aunt - his
mother’s sister - had come calling. Jin and Namjoon never really figured out what was wrong
with her. As far as they knew she didn’t have any substance dependencies but something
about her was…off. But not off enough for her to be refused custody. From what social
services could piece together, mental illness ran rampant and unchecked through both sides of
Jungkook’s family leading to many sad stories. Formally she had an anxiety disorder
diagnosis but Namjoon always suspected it was more than that. Anyways, Jungkook lived
with her for nine and a half months, the current record for longest stay, until she had some
sort of nervous breakdown and relinquished her guardianship rights. Jungkook never really
grew close to her and if asked about her he would just mumble something like, “she was nice
but sometimes she would say strange things...”

Age twelve. His father was granted custody. Jungkook’s biological father had been
nonexistent until Jungkook was almost eleven, not even half a year after Jungkook had been
reunited with them from his aunt. He’d moved back to their city, apparently a new man. And
in all honesty, Namjoon and Jin did like him. Actually, they’d also liked his aunt and his
mother to some degree. They were just humans who were trying their best given the shitty
hand they’d been dealt with. But sometimes someone’s best wasn’t enough, especially when
it came to raising a child. Children needed stability. And his and Jin’s house was stable.
Something that all the relatives and even his social workers just didn’t seem to understand.

Namjoon thought that being reunited with his biological father really would be the permanent
end to Jungkook’s residence with them. His father was hardworking and although his job
wasn’t the greatest – cook at a mid-tier restaurant - it was a stable income. He was married to
a woman who worked as a receptionist. They had a house and his wife had two older sons
who still lived with them. Namjoon had met his wife and the stepsons briefly. The house was
a bit shabby and the family all seemed a little rough around the edges. No one held a degree
higher than a high school diploma. Maybe it was condescending or pretentious to judge them
so harshly but Jungkook was going down more than one tax bracket when he went to live
with his father. In fact, Jungkook’s phone was one they had bought for him for his twelfth
birthday. He was still on their phone plan. Namjoon doubted his father would be able to be
afford it. Compared to the middle class and beyond demographic Namjoon normally
associated with it was more than a small step backward. But once again, they were human
and not everyone was lucky enough to be granted the chances that Namjoon had.

So, it was with great sadness that they drove Jungkook with his possessions packed into their
trunk to his biological father’s residence. That was over eight months ago. It’s not like they
hadn’t had any contact since then, for a while Jungkook had been coming to their house once
a month or so to see them and his siblings. He still went on their weeklong camping trip they
did at the beginning of every summer. He sometimes would stay the weekend, or other times
he’d just drop by for dinner when he was in the neighborhood visiting another friend -
Jungkook had to change schools because his dad’s address was zoned for a different one. A
slightly poorer school. A school with lower test scores. And that was just the middle school,
the high school he would be zoned for next year was even worse. One with a pitifully low
graduation rate and alarmingly high rate of teen pregnancy.
Namjoon didn’t know how their relationship would change once Jungkook was living with
his bio-father. And that scared him. In the beginning when Jungkook visited, Namjoon was
still very much in the role of ‘parent’. He would ask him about his grades and made sure he
was getting along at his new school. Jungkook used to even text him when he received a
good test score. They would still attend Jungkook’s soccer games. It was a difficult balancing
act, Namjoon didn’t want to offend Jungkook’s father by overstepping any boundaries. The
man was clearly was trying his best. But his father was often busy working to pay the bills
and Jungkook’s face would light up when he would see his or another one of his surrogate
family member’s faces in the crowd. Around the fourth month of Jungkook living with his
father, things started to change. He started texting them less. They would plan to go to a
restaurant or have Jungkook over for the weekend and Jungkook would cancel at the last
minute.

The last time he had seen Jungkook in-person was almost three months ago and he’d been
sporting a black eye that he had clumsily tried to cover with an off-color foundation,
presumably his stepmom’s. Immediately Jin and Namjoon assumed the worst.

“Is someone hurting you? We can help you. You just need to tell us and we can help,” Jin said
in a hushed, urgent tone as they pulled to the side of the road before reaching their house.

“It was just someone at school. It doesn’t matter.” Jungkook had mumbled, not meeting their
eyes.

“Is someone bullying you?” Namjoon pressed, not completely buying it but not ruling it out
either. Jungkook was physical, he liked contact sports but, regardless, he had never
considered Jungkook aggressive. There had to be some sort of foul play involved.

“No. Ugh, I knew you’d make a big deal out of it. Just leave it alone. You’re not my parents!”
Jungkook had practically spat.

They were worried. After the visit, as they dropped him back off at his father’s they asked
him once again if he was safe.

“All you need to do is say the word and we’ll get you out of there,” Namjoon said. If it was
up to him they wouldn’t let Jungkook return at all to his father’s until they got to the bottom
of it but he was acutely aware it would be considered kidnapping despite the fact they raised
him since he was an infant.

Jungkook slammed the car door shut and didn’t look back.

Immediately, they called Jungkook’s case worker to let her know that Jungkook had a bruise
of skeptical origin. She promised she’d look into it and a few days later she called them to let
them know that she had called his school and that he had indeed been in a fight with another
student.

“Who was he in a fight with? Why? Did he get suspended?” Jin had questioned.

“I’m sorry, I can’t tell you. You’re not his legal guardians anymore. Honestly, I probably
shouldn’t have told you more than confirming it wasn’t anyone in his household but I know
your guys’ history and how much you care for him,” the social worker replied.

“He never got into fights before. There must be something that's upsetting him,”Jin pressed,
not caring if he was coming across as over-protective.

The social worker repeated her statement that it wasn’t in his jurisdiction anymore before
hanging up.

Jin planned to keep a closer eye on Jungkook but the kid started refusing all their offers of
visits after that. He would leave them on read for any message they sent him, no matter how
innocuous. Jin’s heart clenched as he thought about their family group chat. Several weeks
ago Jungkook had turned thirteen. Come midnight, the group chat immediately lit up with six
messages wishing Jungkook a happy birthday. Jungkook responded by leaving the group chat
and blocking their numbers.

And now he and Namjoon were called at ten at night, asking if they would take Jungkook in
again. They could? Great. Come pick him up at the hospital.

If Jin’s hands hadn’t been clenched so tightly around the steering wheel as they drove to the
hospital, they would’ve been shaking. The social worker said they’d get more details once
they arrived. They practically sprinted to the pediatrics department where they gave their
information to the nurses at the nurse station. As the two nurses realized who they were here
for they gave them a sad smile. Jin’s heart started to beat even faster.

“I’ll call Audrey,” said the nurse sympathetically. Audrey was Jungkook’s assigned social
worker.

Jin just wanted to see Jungkook. He tapped his foot impatiently as they waited. Soon, Audrey
appeared from around a corner further into the ward.

“Hi, long time no see. As always, I wish it was under better circumstances. Let’s have a quick
chat with the doctor first,” she said as she lead them back down the hallway.

They were ushered into a small office where a kindly looking man stood up to shake their
hands. “Audrey tells me you’ve taken care of Jungkook most of his life. That’s good you’re
still willing, I’m sure he could use a familiar face at the moment.” He cleared his throat.
“Anyways, Jungkook was brought in today around 5 p.m. I don’t know the details but
apparently the place he was living at was raided by police as part of a drug bust.”

The hair on the back of Jin’s neck and arms stood up, the skin prickling with horrified
goosebumps. Jungkook’s father had really fucked up that badly? As far as he knew
Jungkook’s father didn’t have a history of drug abuse like meth or cocaine, rather his demons
were with alcoholism but he’d been sober for several years. A relapse would be surprising
but not overly so. But selling narcotics?

“One of the officers informed the paramedics that he was already injured when they got
there. They didn’t even know of Jungkook’s existence, they just found him while searching
the house so they sent him to us.”
“Injured how?” Namjoon spoke up, a hint of worried impatience coloring his tone.

“His left wrist is broken, as well as a hairline fracture at the elbow joint. On both of his arms
we found what seem to be self-harm scars. Has he displayed any self-harming behavior when
he was living with you?” The doctor asked.

“N-no,” Seokjin said with a heavy heart. Jungkook wouldn’t be their first kid to resort to such
a coping mechanism. “I mean, he could’ve hid it but I don’t think so.”

The doctor nodded. “Based on the healed scar tissue they do seem quite recent, definitely less
than a year. There were some fresh cuts as well which we disinfected and cleaned up but they
weren’t deep so they should heal quickly and without any trouble.”

The man paused, thunderclouds rolling across his kind blue eyes. “He has a myriad of
bruising on his body, typical of child abuse victims. There were a couple of burn marks on his
leg from what we presume to be cigarettes but they're already healed over. He was also…
displaying some behavior and injuries often seen in victims of sexual abuse.”

Time seemed to freeze. Had Jin heard that correctly? He had to blink a few times as he tried
to orient himself. Burns? Sexual abuse? Despite all of the previous disastrous attempts to
reunite Jungkook with biological relatives, he’d escaped abuse, psychological or otherwise.
And now the doctor was telling him that he’d been both physically and sexually abused? Jin
felt clammy and a cold sheen of sweat now coated his brow. He could sense Namjoon beside
him, just as stiff as horror as he was. Jin had been running possible scenarios through his
head on the way here and abuse was in the forefront of his mind – Jungkook was in the
hospital, of course it was the most obvious reason. But sexual abuse?

“He…is he..who…?” Namjoon stuttered.

“He refused to let us examine him as much as we’d like to so we can’t confirm anything, it’s
just something to be aware of. The police will have questions for him too, but Audrey will
coordinate that with you.” The doctor said.

From the corner of his eye Jin noticed the tense expression on Audrey’s face. While not
unempathetic, she had a very difficult job and was used to seeing and interacting with
children who had been hurt in unimaginable ways. He was aware they weren’t going to get
the full story right away, but her expression made him wonder the situation’s true severity
and how much she wasn’t telling them.

“Can we see him now?” Jin asked, unable to bear the thought of leaving Jungkook alone any
longer and wondering what else he had missed in the three months since he had seen him.

As they were lead to Jungkook’s room, Seokjin and Namjoon schooled their expressions into
something more calm, but with still the proper amount of parental concern written into their
features. In truth, they were horrified.

---
Jin knocked softly before opening the door. “Jungkook?” he called as he poked his head into
the room trying to be mindful of Jungkook’s privacy.

Jungkook’s head shot up at his voice. He was sitting on the edge of the bed fully-dressed in
ugly, ill-fitting clothes provided by the hospital. The clothes he’d come with had been taken
for ‘evidence’.

Jungkook’s mouth opened and he looked like he was about to say something before abruptly
clamping it shut and looking back down at his feet, letting his too-long bangs fall over his
face, ears flushing red.

Jin forced himself to relax despite the fresh worry that surged through him at the glimpse of
Jungkook’s bruised cheek and split lip. Jin fully entered the room with Namjoon behind him.
“Kookie, we’re here to take you home if you’re ready? Audrey will meet us at the nurse’s
station and we can sign the discharge papers. Does that sound okay to you?”

“Okay,” Jungkook said in a small voice, standing up on shaky legs.

There was an uncomfortable silence until suddenly Jungkook was rushing over, burying his
face into Jin’s chest and starting to sob.

---

ONE HOUR EARLIER

“Hi, Jungkook,” Audrey said.

“Hi,” Jungkook whispered.

“I don’t know how exactly you ended up here, but you’re not going back to your father’s
house. We’ll find you somewhere safe to stay tonight. Alright?”

“Okay,” he said just as quietly as before. The same panic was bubbling up in his chest. He
knew social workers always called their previous foster family first when trying to find a
temporary home but what if this time Jin and Namjoon didn’t want him back? He’d only
been pushing them away in the last few months. They could have other plans. For all he
knew they could’ve accepted another foster kid since they’d last spoken so there’d be no
more room at their house even if for some reason they wanted him back. Most likely they’d
be done with him and his situation and be content to live as they were with their four adopted
children, rather than the random variable that was Jungkook who kept disrupting their lives.
He missed them so much. He missed Yoongi and Hoseok and Jimin and Taehyung. He
missed their cat Jemma and dog Binky. He even missed Taehyung’s stupid goldfishes, Steven
and Bok Choy.

“Oh, Jungkook, don’t cry,” Audrey said, passing him a tissue. “I’m going to go make some
calls, but I’ll be back as soon as I can, okay?”

He nodded even as he cried and wiped at his face with the already sodden tissue.

He was still sniffling when the doctor came back.

“Well young man, I think you’re about ready for discharge, unless there is something else
bothering you…?” the doctor hedged in an obvious attempt to get Jungkook to open up more.
Jungkook would never confirm their suspicions.

“I’m fine.”

“I can see you’re very strong, but you know it’s fine to ask for help. Once your caseworker
gets back with some news we can decide what to do.”

Jungkook didn’t reply.

Audrey soon returned. “Jungkook, I called your previous placement and they said they want
to come get you. Would that be all right?”

Jungkook sighed in relief. They hadn’t given up on him yet. “That’s fine,” he said, knowing
full well his opinion didn’t matter at all. If it did he would’ve chosen to never leave Jin and
Namjoon’s house in the first place.

“Great, they’ll be here soon. I’m sure they’ll be very happy to see you," she said confirming
that they were, in fact, already on their way. There was a shortage of foster families and an
abundance of kids who needed placements. Beggars couldn’t be choosers.

He wondered if they would be angry at him for ignoring their messages even though they
were the ones that paid for his phone. Which he didn’t even have anymore because he’d left
it at his father’s house in the chaos when the police had come and-

Jungkook cut off that train of thought. He didn't want to think about it. With confirmation that
Jin and Namjoon were coming to get him, Jungkook stiffly changed out of the papery
hospital gown and into some oversized sweats with bleach stains that one of the nurses had
given him. He twisted his fingers together anxiously, ignoring the twinge of discomfort it
caused his casted left wrist. His legs dangled over the edge of the bed.

There was a knock on the door.

“Jungkook?” a familiar voice asked.

Jungkook glanced up, greeted with Jin’s face and Namjoon hovering behind him. All of the
deep humiliation Jungkook had felt earlier when the medical staff was asking him questions
he didn’t want to answer returned. He felt his face heat up and he stared back at his shoes as
his bottom lip began to tremble. He didn’t know what to say.

“Kookie,” Jin stepped into the room, “We’re here to take you home if you’re ready? Audrey
will meet us at the nurses station and we can sign the discharge papers. Does that sound okay
to you?”

“Okay,” Jungkook managed to choke out.

All the hurt of the last few months came rushing back like a tidal wave, hitting him full-force
and threatening to drown him. Admist the pain, shame, and humiliation, Jungkook thought of
all the times Jin and Namjoon had been there for him. From when he would scrape his knees
when he and his brothers played too rough, to one of his friends moving away, to his mom
dying. They were always there just like they were now, like lighthouses in the storm.
Jungkook rushed over, flinging himself into Jin, letting the sobs wrack his body.

---

They comforted him until his crying died back down to sniffles. They didn’t ask him
intrusive questions like the doctors or Audrey.

“Are you ready to go?” Namjoon finally asked.

Jungkook gave a weak nod. It was nearing eleven at night and Jungkook was exhausted,
physically and mentally. The journey back to their home was a blur. Jungkook was shivering
and felt like he would collapse at any second as he tottered up the driveway after Jin with
Namjoon behind him.

“Are you hungry?” one of them asked, Jungkook couldn’t even distinguish whose voice it
was in his haze of fatigue. He shook his head numbly.

“Kookie, how about you go lay down on our bed for a second? I’ll find you some pajamas
and make sure your bed is ready.”

Before he could make his way to their bedroom on unsteady legs, a heavy hand rested on his
head. He looked up at Jin. “I’ll bring you a glass of milk, okay?”

Jungkook nodded, too tired to reply. He wobbled into Jin and Namjoon’s master bedroom,
collapsing onto the king-size bed gratefully. If he was less tired he would’ve been resentful.
No doubt they wanted to tuck him away in their room while they had a whispered meeting
about the state he was in and the events that led up to it. He also knew what they actually
meant about checking if his bed was ‘ready'. Since he’d been gone his brothers would have
monopolized what used to be his bedroom. Jungkook was aware the room never really was
his in the first place but it was the closest thing he ever had to a space that made him feel safe
and in control. So now they were going to cover up the evidence and try to make it seem like
he had never been gone in the first place. The fact that it would always be rearranged with
furniture his brothers swapped and fought over was another reminder that Jungkook wasn’t
actually a member of their family but merely a stray who they were kind enough to take in.
Like they hadn’t moved on with their lives and were perfectly happy without him. Despite his
turmoil, his eyelids drooped shut.

Jungkook was already asleep when Jin made it back to the room, where he set the glass of
milk on the nightstand with a heavy sigh. He was soon joined by Namjoon who regarded him
sadly.

Jungkook hadn’t even had the energy to lay down properly. He’d just collapsed on the bed,
sprawled on his stomach his mouth slightly parted and face pressed into the comforter.
Namjoon’s heart ached for him. The sleeve on his un-casted wrist had ridden up a little and
Namjoon tried to discreetly get a glimpse of the apparent self-harm scars. He didn’t see
anything and assumed they must be higher up on his arm. Those were easier to hide. At least
that's what Yoongi had said to them once.
“Jungkook?” Namjoon said softly, crouching down and shaking him gently, unsure of where
his bruises were underneath the clothing. Jungkook peeled his eyes open after a few seconds.
“Let’s get you up to your room, okay?”

Jungkook wordlessly stumbled after Namjoon as he followed him up the stairs and to the
designated bedroom. His bedroom. For now, at least. There was a folded set of sweats on his
bed that Jungkook vaguely recognized as Hoseok’s. Jungkook hadn’t seen or heard any signs
of life in the house and wondered if his brothers – no, Jin and Joon’s children - were all
already asleep.

“There’s a new toothbrush in the bathroom for you,” Namjoon said as he lingered in the
doorway.

Jungkook blinked in acknowledgement, almost failing to open them again. His eyelids felt
like they weighed two tons each.

“I’m going to head back downstairs but if you need anything don’t hesitate to come wake us.
Otherwise I’ll see you in the morning.”

Jungkook nodded, too weary to think of a response. He just wanted to sleep. He missed the
worry that flashed in Namjoon’s eyes.

“Okay, goodnight Jungkook, I love you.”

 Chapter 2
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes

Namjoon descended the stairs, his legs feeling leaden. He took a deep breath trying not to
jump to any conclusions until Audrey contacted them with more information. At the bottom
of the stairs he was greeted by their aging Chow Chow, Binky. They’d put him and the cat
outside and ordered the rest of the kids to bed so Jungkook wouldn’t be overwhelmed. Jin
must’ve let him back in. The dog wagged his tail, his nose sniffing furiously. He whined,
putting a tentative paw on the first stair and looked up at Namjoon and then to the top of the
staircase longingly. Binky was getting too old to go up or down the stairs these days so he
usually stayed on the ground level. Last time Binky had gone upstairs by himself he had
fallen on the way down, breaking his front leg. Namjoon didn’t know that it was possible but
somehow medical care for a dog was even more expensive than for a human. The leg was
healed now and Binky hadn’t tried to use the stairs since. Namjoon crouched down, ruffling
the dog’s golden-brown fur, “Yeah, buddy, Kookie’s home but he’s tired right now, you can
say hi to him tomorrow. Let’s go to bed too, okay?”

Binky huffed as Namjoon turned away from the stairs but loyally padded after him to their
bedroom.

---

Jungkook was woken up early by the sound of his brothers…of Jin and Namjoon’s real
children traipsing through the house as they got ready for school. Jungkook feigned sleep
until he was certain they’d left. Only then did he get up, his entire body aching, and made his
way to the bathroom where he brushed his teeth because he hadn’t had the energy to do it the
night before. He scrubbed harsh circles into his gums until his saliva was tinged pink with
blood. Then he took a very long and very hot shower, closing his eyes as he scrubbed his
body so wouldn’t have to see any of the damage on his skin, whether he had put it there
himself or not.

Afterwards he dressed in more clothes that Jin or Namjoon had deposited in his room at some
point. He thought they might be Taehyung’s old things but he wasn’t sure. Jungkook’s eyes
trailed around the room, confirming what he'd already suspected last night. The desk chair
was different. No doubt someone, probably Taehyung or Jimin, had traded it with theirs. This
one was probably less comfortable or squeaked or something. The table lamp stood on his
nightstand instead of the dresser. The desk was slightly off-center from where it had been last
time he was here. And now he was in worn hand-me-downs because he’d been ripped so
suddenly from his father’s house and the hospital had taken the clothes he’d been wearing.
He didn’t even have his phone.

He was distracted by a scrabbling noise and glanced over at the door where a small gray paw
was stretching under the small space of the bottom of the door and carpet, pawing at the
floor. Jungkook opened it and was greeted by their long-furred, gray cat Jemma lounging on
her side. At the sight of Jungkook she meowed and stood up, rubbing against his legs, a purr
erupting from her chest. Jungkook always felt a smug sort of pride that she seemed to like
him the best out of everyone. He squatted down and stroked her soft fur. “I missed you
Jemma, my dad doesn’t have any pets.” The ache in his heart eased slightly at Jemma’s
presence. She didn’t know what he’d gone through and didn’t care, she was just happy he
was back. Jemma wouldn’t judge or overanalyze him. “Maybe you can sleep in my room
tonight,” Jungkook said, scratching her chin before standing up. He winced at the sharp pain
in his lower back.

He made his way carefully down the hallways, mindful of his pain and Jemma weaving soft
figure-eights between his ankles. When they reached the staircase she darted down the stairs
ahead of him, off to do whatever cats did all day. Jungkook gripped the railing with a shaky
hand, nerves, pain, and exhaustion chipping away at his resolve. He didn’t want to cry again
like he had last night when they showed up at his hospital room. He steeled himself and took
another step.

“Good morning,” Jin greeted after Jungkook finally made his way into the kitchen. “I thought
you’d sleep in more. Want an omelet?”

Jungkook shrugged, picking at the cast on his wrist with his fingers. The doctors had also
provided him a sling since his elbow was injured but the fracture was so minor he could go
without it as long as he was careful. Jungkook startled at the sound of Namjoon’s voice
appearing from behind him, “I’d love an omelet.”

Wasn’t he supposed to be at work?

“I wasn’t asking you,” Jin huffed but cracked a few more eggs into the bowl regardless.

Another set of paws followed after Namjoon’s footsteps, nails clicking on the hardwood.
Binky had been having some health issues last time Jungkook had come to visit and he’d
been secretly worried that Binky might’ve passed away. On top of that, Jonathon’s threats
swirled around in his mind constantly, stealing his breath away and planting a permanent pit
of dread in his chest cavity where his heart used to be. Jungkook didn’t know how Jonathon
knew, maybe Jungkook himself had told him at some point before he knew his stepbrother’s
true colors. Either way, Jonathon was aware that Namjoon and Jin had a dog and he
threatened more than once to kidnap and kill Binky and show the remains as proof to
Jungkook if he didn’t do exactly what Jonathon said at all times.

Jonathon was smart and also a fucking psychopath. If Jonathon had threatened to kill one of
his brothers or Namjoon or Jin in the beginning when his actions were relatively mild,
Jungkook probably would’ve called him out on his bluff. But a dog? Anyone could kill a dog.
He didn’t doubt that Jonathon would do it and Jungkook loved Binky dearly. Binky had been
around pretty much as long as they all had, the proof in the graying fur around his eyes and
nose and his slow gait. It took all of his brothers together to convince Namjoon and Jin to get
a dog. Jungkook had basically been a baby at the time but apparently still had enough
awareness to pleadingly babble ‘puppy’ constantly while clinging to Jin’s leg until they gave
in. Binky was part of the family, just like Jemma. Jungkook faltered again.

Thoughts of family were dangerous. Even when living with his biological relatives Jungkook
thought of himself as Jin and Namjoon’s son. It was a conscious effort on his part to divorce
himself from that notion. He could and would be pulled away at any second. He never said
so, but it was equal parts painful and relieving to visit them when he was off living with
whatever blood-relative. It was awkward because he felt he needed to play the role of a guest
even though he so desperately wanted to be adopted.

Anyways, it was only a matter of time before Namjoon and Jin realized how damaged he was
and how dangerous it would be for them to have him there. Then he would be dragged out by
Audrey and sent back to his father or the foster care system or wherever else people like him
ended up. Jungkook swallowed. He knew where people like him ended up. It was just by
chance that the police had found him the other day but he wasn’t even sure if he was happy
that they had.

He was jerked out of his thoughts as Namjoon’s voice filtered through, “I think someone
wants to say hi,” gazing pointedly down at Binky. Jungkook wondered how long he had
zoned out for. He let out a shaky breath he didn’t know he’d been holding as Binky waddled
over to him and licked his face in greeting. The feeling of saliva on his face made Jungkook
stiffen, his stomach flip-flopping and he shoved Binky away with more force than he meant
to. Binky whined and looked at him in confusion. Jungkook abruptly stood up, his cheeks
reddening and a sharp pang of guilt in his stomach. The exchange hadn’t gone unnoticed by
either Jin or Joon but neither of them said anything.

Jungkook pulled out a kitchen chair and sat in nervous silence while Jin cooked, only giving
short one or two-word answers to their inquiries about how he slept and how he was feeling.
Jin set the glass of milk from the night before in front of him. He only managed a couple
bites of breakfast and a few tentative sips of milk before nausea rendered his stomach his
useless.

“No appetite, huh? Are you feeling okay?” Namjoon asked.

Jungkook shrugged again, the concern and scrutiny increasing his discomfort. Jin placed his
plate in the fridge telling him he could eat it when he was hungrier.

Jungkook didn’t really know why he had decided to come downstairs so early because now
he wanted to be anywhere else. Well, almost anywhere else. He was about to ask if he could
be excused until Jin sat down again at the table with a heavy sigh and serious expression.
Dread made its way through his limbs. The way Jin and Joon were shifting in their seats
signaled they were gearing up for a serious ‘talk’. They were going to demand an explanation
of the sequence events that lead him back to their place. In an attempt to derail a heavy
conversation Jungkook wasn’t sure he could handle he turned to Namjoon, “Don’t you have
to go to work?” Jungkook tried.

“I took the day off. There are some things we want to talk to you about.” Namjoon said.

Jungkook hunched in on himself even further, tears already burning in his eyes. He didn’t
want to talk. Audrey and the doctors and the police had probably already told them
everything. Why couldn’t they accept that explanation as enough?

“O-okay,” Jungkook whispered instead. As a ‘child’, especially as a ‘foster child’ who was
forced to live off of the goodwill of others Jungkook never had a choice in the things that
happened to him. It would be a waste of energy trying to defend himself from prying adults.

“Jungkook, honey, we don’t really know what happened to you but you know you can tell us
anything, right? And we can help you.” Jin began. It sounded rehearsed. Because it was. It
wasn’t the first time Jungkook had heard a similar speech. He knew the others had received
other variations at least once as well.

Jungkook gave a tearful nod, hoping it would be enough to placate them.

“And if you don’t want to talk to us, that’s fine too but you’ve already been set up with a
therapist you can start seeing on Thursday.”

Jungkook grimaced. He always had to go to a stupid therapist when he was dumped back into
their home.

“The doctor told us that you have been hurting yourself and we don’t want that for you. We
don’t want to invade your privacy, Jungkook, but I think we’ll have to check your arms every
now and then to make sure you haven’t done anything.” Namjoon said.

A few tears squeezed out of his eyes and rolled down his face. Jungkook pulled the sleeves of
the sweater he was wearing over his hands. The fabric strained against the cast on his left
wrist.

“Oh Jungkook, sweetheart, don’t cry. We’re not upset with you, we just want to help.” Jin
tried to soothe.

“O-ok-kay,” Jungkook trembled as more tears streamed down his face. He scrubbed his face
with his sleeve.

“The doctor gave us some prescriptions. You have to take them every morning, okay?”
Namjoon said.

Jungkook knew they were antidepressants. There were also some anti-inflammatory and pain
medication for his injuries.

“I know it’s hard to talk about but the police want to question you soon, maybe later this
week. Do you think that’s something you’ll feel up to?” Jin inquired carefully.

Jungkook was worried he’d vomit the few bites of egg right back up. He frantically shook his
head. “N-nothing happened. I don’t have anything to s-say to th-them.”

“Alright,” Namjoon said, “If that’s the case you can clear it up with them. But I think they
may have found some evidence that someone was hurting you and they want to protect you.
They’re here to help.”

Once again, an adult phrasing something like a choice even though he’d be forced to do it
against his will under the pretext it would ‘help’ him.

“No one was hurting me, you don’t know what you’re talking about,” Jungkook said
defensively, his thoughts immediately going in a million different panicked directions,
tangling together in a confusing web. A lump was building in his throat. He clenched his jaw.
A headache was starting to bloom in his temples.

“Okay, okay,” Jin cut in, trying to placate him.

“And I don’t know who they thought was in those pictures and stuff but it wasn’t me, I
swear.” Jungkook babbled on.

He noted Namjoon and Jin’s shared a look of confusion. Jungkook froze, he’d fucked up.
“What pictures?” Jin asked cautiously.

“I d-don’t know. Just, I mean there isn’t any pictures. So I don’t know who was in them is
what I meant…because..it…they…I-I…” Jungkook tried and failed miserably to backtrack,
his breathing steadily picking up pace. Why was he always so stupid? Jonathon was right.
“C-can I be excused?”

“Alright,” Namjoon said, his face pinched in worry as Jungkook jumped up from the table
and rushed back up the stairs, ignoring the pain that emanated from various parts of his body
at the sudden movements.

Jungkook flung himself into the bathroom, turning on the sink faucet before dropping onto
his knees beside the toilet and vomiting up the meager contents of his stomach. After he was
done he rinsed his mouth, brushed his teeth again, and proceeded to rummage through the
medicine cabinet, relieved when he found what he was looking for. Laxatives. He shoved the
entire blister pack into his pocket after popping out two and swallowing them dry.

He hadn’t told the doctor this even though they had asked him about it specifically but…it
hurt to go to the bathroom. Every time he had to go it would irritate his wounds down there
and the toilet paper would come away smeared with red. He stopped looking now because it
made him throw up. One time he had even passed out. But he would still sometimes find red
stains on his underwear. He’d taken to padding it with extra toilet paper which he also
wouldn’t look at that he flushed down the toilet every time he went to the bathroom.

Anyways, he learned laxatives and not eating much food helped his wounds heal and made
going to the bathroom less painful. Even then, there was still a constant burning sensation
and occasionally a sharp pang that would flash up his spine. Jungkook was getting more
worried by the day because despite all of his efforts to avoid looking at the aftermath of what
they did to him it seemed like he was bleeding even more than he usually did. They were
really rough last time. Jungkook shuddered and banished the thoughts from his mind. He took
a third laxative just in case. He spent the rest of the day in bed ignoring Seokjin’s and
Namjoon’s attempts to get him to eat or otherwise interact with the world.

---

Jungkook was startled awake by the front door swinging open and noisy sneakers squeaking
on the hardwood flooring of the entryway. Hoseok’s raucous laughter shook the walls of the
house like a boombox. Jungkook shot up despite feeling ill and was punished as his vision
went nearly black. It took him a second to orient himself and be reminded that he was now at
Seokjin and Namjoon’s house. He’d managed to avoid his brothers for two days now and had
hoped to keep the streak going. Jungkook knew he couldn’t avoid them forever but he had
been determined to try. So much for that plan. He didn’t even remember falling asleep on the
couch or why he was downstairs in the first place.

The laughter came to an abrupt stop as Hoseok and Yoongi burst into the living and noticed
Jungkook. Jungkook knew he looked awful and was worried the moment any of his brother’s
saw him they would be able to tell all the awful things that he had done or had been done to
him. They would know how stupid and pathetic he was. How he was going to be messed up
for life.

Their expressions were tense and wary before Yoongi’s face lapsed back into indifferent
neutrality and Hoseok plastered on an iridescent yet obviously fake smile across his. “JK!
You’re back! We heard you were coming home. We’ve missed you, it’s been so long!” he
greeted.

Jungkook pressed himself against the couch cushions as both boys took a couple steps
towards him. “Hi,” Jungkook managed to squeak out as his eyes darted around the living
room.

---

Yoongi fought to keep his expression placid as he took in Jungkook’s unkempt appearance. It
was clear Jungkook was taken by surprise at their arrival and the anxiety radiating off of him
was palpable.

“You seem tired, but we’ll be in our room if you want to hang out later.” Yoongi said, quickly
excusing both himself and Hoseok from the situation, hoping that it would calm him down.

Jungkook was always shyer and standoffish when he came back from a stint at a relatives. He
usually bounced back fairly quickly as he readjusted to the rhythm of their somewhat chaotic
household. They all knew to give Jungkook some space for the first few days. Two nights ago
they had been given a particularly ominous warning, with Namjoon ordering them to clean
up and put Jungkook’s bedroom back together as best as they could. He said he’d text them
when they were almost home so they could retreat to their own rooms where they should be
quiet because Jungkook wouldn’t be feeling well. And Jungkook certainly didn’t look well.

His mind echoed with Namjoon’s reminder “Jungkook has been through some very tough
stuff recently so I’m going to need you to be patient with him and respectful of his
boundaries.”

While they had cleaned out Jungkook’s bedroom Yoongi wondered what ‘tough stuff’
entailed. He’d been through some fucked up shit in his past and he hoped Jungkook hadn’t
gone through something similar.

“I’m worried about Kook,” Taehyung had admitted as he helped Yoongi carry his music
equipment back to his own bedroom – he’d been using Jungkook’s bedroom as a sort of
studio.

“Me too,” was all Yoongi had said in response.

Jimin and Hoseok sheepishly put back some furniture they’d taken or swapped as they
bickered about what went where. Yoongi had actually been pretty close to being granted
Jungkook’s bedroom as his own. He and Hoseok shared a room and so did Taehyung and
Jimin. Jungkook’s room was the smallest but he didn’t have to share, because he won a coin
toss once.

Nearly half a year after Jungkook of living with his biological father, Yoongi had brought it
up nervously at dinner. “Do you think I could have my own bedroom?”

It wasn’t the most direct way to ask but Jungkook was often a touchy subject with Namjoon
and Jin, especially recently since apparently Jungkook didn’t want anything to do with them
now. Namjoon’s mouth had tightened but all he said was, “Maybe in a couple months.”

They wanted to see if it would ‘stick’ this time and Jungkook would actually live with his
biological father until he turned eighteen. They hadn’t yet reached some imaginary milestone
in their head, where if enough time passed without a call from social services they were
resigned to the fact that Jungkook wasn’t coming back.

Yoongi knew they hoped Jungkook would have a safe and peaceful rest of his childhood with
his biological father but he’d also accidently overheard some of Jin and Namjoon’s
conversations where they lamented how shitty it was they couldn’t have just adopted him
long ago. Yoongi and the rest of his siblings secretly agreed. They’d all come from bad places
and, while not without its own hardships, life at the Kim household was safe. They went to a
good school that received a lot of money from the district so they had a lot of cool amenities.
Jungkook was now attending the school that was more or less the laughing stock amongst
students because of its old building and poorer demographic.

---

“Jungkook, can you roll up your sleeves for me?”

Jin and Jungkook were in the master bathroom attached to his and Namjoon’s bedroom. Jin
had been given instructions to look over his cuts to make sure they weren’t getting infected
and that there weren’t any new ones.

Jungkook’s jaw tensed, until he reluctantly started to tug his sleeves up. Unfortunately the
sleeves weren’t wide enough and Jungkook couldn’t pull them up high enough. Jungkook
gave a frustrated huff.

“Are you wearing anything underneath your sweater Kookie? You can go put something else
on.”

“I have T-shirt on,” came the ever-timid whisper.

“Okay, do you need help taking your sweater off?”

“I can do it,” Jungkook said. Jungkook’s fingers moved to grasp the hem of the shirt but they
stopped there.
“If you feel uncomfortable you can go put something else on,” Jin said trying to be as
mindful as possible.

“It’s fine,” Jungkook spat, suddenly yanking the material upwards. He fumbled for a few
seconds to take it off with his wrist brace and his struggle with the fabric caused his
undershirt to rise up, revealing ugly bruising on his torso that disappeared under the
waistband of his sweatpants. Jin blanched. The thought of someone taking advantage as
someone as sweet and earnest as Jungkook made him want to scream and cry until his vocal
chords ruptured.

Jin managed to school his expression back into something less horrified as Jungkook finally
won his battle with the sweater which he seemed about to throw on the ground before
deciding against the action. He set it on his lap like he wanted to create as many barriers
between himself and Jin as possible.

“I'm just going to have a quick look at your arms okay?” Jin said, making sure he explained
everything he was going to do before he actually did it.

“Let’s start with your left arm.”

Jin gently took Jungkook’s wrist and turned it so the underside of the arm was facing
upwards. He bit the inside of his cheek at the sight of thin, shiny pink scars criss-crossing his
arm from the middle of his bicep to nearly his armpit.

“I’m going to remove the bandage the doctor put on, okay?”

Jungkook didn’t reply. Jin tried to be gentle as he peeled off the small, white bandage.
Underneath it were several scabbed over marks. Outwardly, Jin tried to show no reaction as
he contemplated just how much turmoil Jungkook was in to make this his coping mechanism.
Jin quickly wiped the area with a disinfectant.

“It looks like it’s healing pretty good, we don’t need to put another bandage on it.” Jin
decided.

At that, Jungkook quickly retracted his arm, holding it protectively against his chest.

Jin did the next arm as fast as he could, it was awkward because Jungkook couldn’t straighten
it fully with the fractures and Jin was scared of hurting him. He noted with relief that there
were much less marks on it. Probably because Jungkook was right handed so it’d be easier to
cut up his left. Jin shoved the observation down.

“All done. Thanks for bearing with me. Remember to tell me or Joon if you like doing it
again.”

Jin hoped that now Jungkook was safe and in their home he wouldn’t have the urges to do it
anymore. Given their history with Yoongi he knew that could be a naïve hope so he knew to
still remain vigilant.
Chapter End Notes

Wow I finally surpassed 200k total words written on my account! Please check out my
other works if you'd like. ^_^
 Chapter 3
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes

It was only the third evening of Jungkook returning to their home when he fainted. Jungkook
had been looking peaky all day and his skin with hardly any color to it, the contrast more
apparent by the bruise on his cheekbone and jaw which had faded to a garish green. Namjoon
had frowned and felt his forehead to see if he had a fever, apologetic when Jungkook flinched
back. His skin wasn’t warm but ever since they picked him up from the hospital he would
shift around like he was uncomfortable, or worse, in pain.

Then, when Jungkook stood up from the couch on wobbly legs, his eyes rolled back and he
pitched forward. Jin barely managed to throw out an arm to catch him so he didn’t crack his
head open on the coffee table. He regained consciousness not even five seconds later but was
weak and disoriented. Namjoon scooped him up and whisked him out the door to the car,
while Jin cursed and scrambled to find the keys while the rest of their children watched slack-
jawed and horrified - it didn’t help that it was the first night they had all finally sat down in a
room together since Jungkook’s return.

“We’ll be back later, don’t worry,” Jin called over his shoulder as he rushed out the front door
after Namjoon. He could see Taehyung was tearing up and Jimin’s face looked nearly as pale
as Jungkook’s. Guilt constricted his chest at leaving them so distraught but Hoseok was
already looping an arm around Taehyung’s shoulders and Yoongi straightened up and looked
determined. They were no longer little kids - they could handle themselves and take care of
each other. Jin shut the door behind him.

---

They drove faster than was legal to the emergency room. It took a long time to clear up the
situation with the medical staff who immediately assumed Jin and Namjoon were the ones
responsible for Jungkook’s sorry state. After a couple phone calls to the hospital Jungkook
had been treated at earlier in the week, everyone was on the same page.

“He’s dehydrated. We hooked him up to an IV. In a half hour or so he should be good to go,”
the doctor explained. “How has his appetite been? Is he eating? I couldn’t get much out of
him when I examined him earlier.”

“He hasn’t had much of an appetite,” Jin admitted. “But it hasn’t even been three full days
since he’s been with us, do you think it could be related to an underlying condition? He’s
been looking worse and worse every day but refuses to talk to us as well.”

Surely Jungkook couldn’t deteriorate that quickly due to stress alone? And he had been
eating, even if not as much as Jin would like.

“We’ve been checking for more self-harm scars but we didn’t see any signs he did it in the
past couple days. Maybe he was doing it somewhere we couldn’t see?” Namjoon added
worriedly. Perhaps the doctors had found more in their examination of him.

“Not that I saw but he didn’t let us look at him too closely. We got his records from the
hospital, it says he was sexually abused?” The doctor’s tone was professional but the blunt
reminder still caused both Jin and Namjoon to wince.

“Yes. We don’t know the extent of what happened yet though.”

“Well, I looked him up in the system and his bloodwork for any sexually transmitted
infections are still processing, I’m sure his GP will call you when the results are in.”

“He has been going to the bathroom a lot, we thought it was because he was trying to…hurt
himself…but like we said we checked him over as best as we could. He claimed it was a
stomachache.” Namjoon said.

“Hm, he didn’t mention that to me.” the doctor said pensively. “I think while he’s here it’s in
his best interest to do a more complete sexual assault examination on him. How about we try
to talk to him together?”

“Is that..is it really necessary? Right now, I mean? He’s not doing well mentally and I don’t
want to make him feel worse,” Namjoon said cautiously.

“It’s always better to do it sooner than later, both for usable evidence and for detecting any
problems that may grow more serious the longer you wait,” the doctor said gently.

Namjoon nodded reluctantly but Jin still hesitated, he didn’t want Jungkook to feel like he
was being ganged up on, but it was a health risk if he continued to not talk to his doctors. He
thought of the identical expressions of fear and confusion that the rest of his children wore
when Jungkook fainted, looking more corpse than human.

“Okay,” Jin agreed regretfully.

When they entered the exam room Jungkook looked like he’d rather be anywhere else.
Jungkook suddenly became very interested in the IV line when they approached him.

“Hey, Kookie, how are you feeling?” Namjoon asked gently.

Jungkook shrugged, his eyes trained downwards.

“Jungkook, didn’t you say your stomach was hurting earlier?” Jin prompted. “I think it would
help the doctor to know.”

Jungkook’s expression shifted and he looked like he’d gotten caught for doing something
bad.

“It did. It does.” he defended.

“Have you experienced any vomiting or diarrhea?” the doctor asked evenly.
Jungkook’s face flushed bright red. Those symptoms could be a little embarrassing but Jin
suspected there was more to it. A lot more.

“Maybe a little,” was all Jungkook said.

Jin wondered vaguely if Jungkook was forcing himself to throw up. If he was looking for an
alternative, a more discreet way to self-harm, it wouldn’t be a far leap.

“I have a couple more questions for you, Jungkook. Do you want your…guardians to stay?”

The slight pause in the doctor’s voice lasted no more than a split second but to Jin it was as
loud as an explosion. Jungkook frantically shook his head, looking more and more nervous
by the second. The doctor nodded at them.

“Okay, we’ll be in the waiting room, don’t hesitate to get us if you want us.” Namjoon said.

They paused a moment longer in case Jungkook changed his mind but Jungkook continued to
look away, shoulders hunched to nearly his ears.

After they retreated to a quiet corner of the clinic, Jin sighed, “Guess we better call Audrey.”

Jin hated this weird limbo they were in. He hated all the reminders that they weren’t legally
his parents. Anytime the word ‘parents’ would be used to refer to them and Jungkook it was
always prefixed by the word ‘foster’. They couldn’t make a game plan of how to really help
Jungkook until they had more information about the situation. It wasn’t fair. Unless Audrey
decided to call them they were stuck without knowing.

It was always a gamble whether she would pick up the phone given her busy schedule but
thankfully she did on the second ring. “Hello, Namjoon?”

“Hi Audrey. We’re at the ER with Jungkook. Um, I think they want to do a more thorough
sexual assault assessment on him. He didn’t get one at the hospital, correct?”

Audrey’s reply was immediate and unsurprised. This was probably just another standard
workday for her. Namjoon couldn’t imagine how someone could handle such an emotionally
taxing career. “Yeah, he kept denying anything happened and we didn’t have the evidence we
do now, nor was he in a serious condition so they let it slide. Is he doing okay?”

Evidence they had now? Namjoon wondered with a chill creeping up his spine what she
meant by that.

Namjoon exchanged a worried glance with Jin. “Uh, well, he’ll be released as soon as they do
the assessment unless they find something seriously wrong, I suppose. We brought him in
because he fainted from dehydration. Obviously we’ll have them fax the medical reports to
your office.”

Even Jin could hear the sound of air of Audrey sucking in a breath the way she always did
before disseminating important information and he steeled himself for bad news. “Yes, thank
you, I’ll be needing them. I was actually going to call you tonight. The police have finished
processing some things so they want to come and talk to Jungkook tomorrow.”
Namjoon winced. Why couldn’t they leave the poor kid alone for two seconds? “He’s in a
really fragile place right now. Physically and emotionally. How much do the police want to
ask him?” Namjoon asked.

“I don’t know exactly, but it’s urgent. If he’s released tonight, is there a time they can come
over to your house tomorrow? It’ll probably be easier for him if it’s at your house than
bringing him down to the police station.”

Namjoon grimaced. Social services were really the ones with reigning legal jurisdiction over
Jungkook so there wasn’t much Namjoon could do. It was a constant source of frustration
over the years for him and Jin. Even with this whole police investigation they only had vague
clues about what was really going on with no promise to get any more concrete details.
Always trapped on the outside looking in. He thought of Jungkook’s wide doe-eyes looking
so scared and vulnerable in the examination room. “I’m sorry Audrey, I really don’t think
tomorrow is possible. He’s not feeling well.” His words were innocent enough but his tone
was clipped in a way he usually would never, ever use with a social worker since too much
rode on Audrey’s decisions.

Audrey was silent for a long moment. Namjoon briefly wondered if she was surprised at his
tone before deciding she’d seen and heard too much over the years to be mussed by a
passive-aggressive foster-parent. So that meant she was considering his words.

“I’ll talk to the police and try to postpone the interview. Probably only for a day or two at
most. Given that you are the closest with him you know what he needs right now - and I want
what’s best for Jungkook too – I’ll see what I can do,” she said eventually.

Namjoon knew she did care for Jungkook in her own way but was trapped between the
parameters of Jungkook’s actual best interest versus what the legal system dictated. His grip
tightened on his phone. “Thank you.” His voice came out slightly watery.

“There is…a lot of incriminating evidence against the people who abused him. It’s not a
situation that’s going to be cleaned up quickly or neatly. Just a warning for when the police
do come. I’ll be there as well. Have a good night, take care,” Audrey said before hanging up.

Namjoon could feel the staccato fluttering of his heart. He squeezed Jin’s hand that had
grabbed his at some point during the call. All they had were vague, ominous warnings and
hints. It was getting more and more difficult to not conjure up scenarios in his head about
what had really transpired in the nine months Jungkook was with his father.

---

“Aren’t you just going to tell them anyway?” Jungkook asked bitterly, knowing patient-
doctor confidentiality didn’t mean shit when you were under the magic number of eighteen.

“Well, it depends. We’re all here to help you. But we can’t do that unless you tell us what’s
going on,” the doctor said, his tone soft.

Jungkook fiddled with the paper on the examination table. “I took some laxatives.”
He heard the sound of a pen scratching on paper as the doctor made a note. “How many is
‘some’?”

“Just…like…one or two here and there. After I eat.”

“And why’s that?” the doctor asked calmly.

Jungkook sucked in a ragged breath. “B-because…it hurts..w-when I go to the bathroom.”

“You mean when you urinate?”

Jungkook shook his head.

The doctor frowned. “Have you noticed anything unusual about your stools? Such as color,
texture, or other discharge?”

Jungkook was so red with humiliation he thought he’d ignite on fire and be reduced to ash.
Burning to death would be more infinitely preferrable than this conversation. “S-sometimes
it, um, bleeds.”

“I appreciate you for being honest with me, Jungkook. We really need to do an examination
so we can see what’s causing it.”

“I don’t want to,” Jungkook said reactively, the tears finally starting to make their
appearance.

“I know you don’t but it's a health hazard, Jungkook. We’ll be as quick and gentle as possible
and then when we can better assess what’s wrong we can get you help so it won’t hurt
anymore. How does that sound? You can have your guardians in the room while we do it if
that makes you feel better.”

Jungkook didn’t want Jin or Namjoon with him. It was too humiliating. But he was in
between a rock and a hard place and the only thing worse than having one of them there was
being left alone with strangers who were going to touch and do whatever else with him. Even
though they were medical staff, Jungkook knew all types of people were fucked up. He
trusted Jin and Joon enough to at least look out for him.

---

“I really don’t want to do this. Please don’t make me. Please.” Jungkook begged in a last
ditch effort to avoid being examined.

“Honey, I know you don’t but I promise they’re not going to do anything they’re not
supposed to. They’ll just do their job and then be done.” Namjoon tried to soothe.

“Don’t look,” Jungkook choked out. He’d only chosen Namjoon to stay because he worked
fulltime so he’d have to see him less than Jin since Jungkook doubted he would be able to
look in his general direction ever again.

“I won’t,” Namjoon assured.

Jungkook continued to cry and clutch Namjoon’s hand like a stupid toddler. Namjoon stood
patiently by his side, not complaining even though Jungkook’s vicelike grip was probably
strong enough to leave bruises. Jungkook had to sit in the chair with stirrups that raised and
spread his legs apart. He’d only seen them in movies before and had thought they were only
used for women’s pregnancy checkups or something. It was terrifying and exposed him
completely and the doctor hadn’t even sat down to get a better look before Jungkook was
hyperventilating.

“Can you take a deep breath and try to relax for me?” the doctor asked.

Jungkook didn’t know how he got through the procedure. Every time he felt gloved fingers or
cold metal devices touch him he would nearly vomit. He was hyper-aware of each bead of
sweat dripping off his face and stinging his eyes which already burned with tears but he
couldn’t wipe them away because his hand had fossilized around Namjoon’s and his other
was in a cast.

---

Namjoon fought against his own tears that were traitorously building up behind his eyelids,
planning an assault. He needed to be strong for Jungkook. This felt like one of the most
difficult things Namjoon ever had to witness and he couldn’t get rid of the feeling that this
was only the tip of the iceberg. Even after the doctor was finished and lowered Jungkook’s
legs, smoothed out the hospital gown, and placed a blanket in his lap as an added layer of
protection and thoughtful gesture, Jungkook couldn’t calm down. He was shaking and
gasping for breath.

“You did very good Jungkook. It’s over now.” he comforted.

“I hate this, I hate it so much. I hate this, I want to leave. I want to go home,” Jungkook
mumbled his eyes glassy and unfocused and face streaked with tears.

“I know, it’s over now and we can go home. Okay? How about we get you back in your other
clothes? You’ll feel more comfortable in those.”

Jungkook’s hand finally released Namjoon’s and he used it to hide his face as he let out a sob.

“Shh, Kookie, it’s okay. There’s nothing to be embarrassed about. Let’s go home, alright?”

Jungkook’s body continued to shake as if miniature earthquakes were running through his
veins and Namjoon could feel his own emotions colliding like tectonic plates, forcing himself
to remain calm and composed with sheer will power.

As they finally made their way back to their car, Namjoon hovered protectively around
Jungkook, not quite touching him, as the boy swayed to and fro while he walked, almost like
he was a drunk. When Jungkook was getting dressed the doctor told them in a separate room
that that his anus was irritated with open wounds, likely from penetration and that he also
suspected there was a gonorrhea infection but he couldn’t be sure about the latter until the
bloodwork came back. He’d taken swabs of various parts of Jungkook’s body which would
be sent to the forensics lab after they got into contact with Audrey who could connect them to
the police in charge of the investigation.

Apparently Jungkook had been taking laxatives to lessen his symptoms, causing the
dehydration which lead to his fainting spell. The doctor promised to have one of the nurses
make a call to speed up the results of the blood test he’d had at the hospital. In the meantime,
he’d been prescribed an antibiotic, and ironically, a laxative. He recommended some over-
the-counter antibacterial wipes to prevent infection and help with the irritation since the
wounds weren’t severe enough to need stitches and could heal on their own with proper care.
As long as Jungkook didn’t take more than the prescribed amount of laxatives and drank
plenty of water he should be fine.

Namjoon made a note to clear out the medicine cabinets and lock it in their bedroom safe.

---

The next morning Jin got a call from the hospital informing him that Jungkook did indeed
have gonorrhea and that they should come in later that day so they could inject him with the
necessary antibiotics to prevent it from growing complicated. When would the kid catch a
break? He’d hoped Jungkook could have one peaceful day to rest but they couldn’t delay
something as serious as treatment for a disease that was probably mostly responsible for
landing him in the ER last night.

As with the past few days, Jungkook crept downstairs only after the other kids had already
left for school. Jin decided to not bring attention to the fact that Jungkook’s eyes were red and
puffy. Jin wondered when Jungkook would start feeling comfortable around his siblings
again. His fainting spell last night in front of all of them certainly hadn’t helped the nervous
tension between everyone.

“So the hospital called today, we have to go in for another checkup,” Jin explained
offhandedly after Jungkook had eaten, trying to downplay its significance in a sad attempt to
prevent Jungkook from panicking.

“Why? I did everything the doctor asked yesterday. I don’t need to. I don’t want to,”
Jungkook said, his face getting shades paler by the second.

“I don’t know the reason to be honest. I think they ran some tests last time and the results
came in.” Jin replied. “It might be nothing.”

He was lying but he couldn’t be the bearer of bad news right now when Jungkook was so
fragile. It might ease Jungkook’s embarrassment if Jin acted like he didn’t know that
Jungkook had contracted a sexually transmitted disease for the time being. Jin didn’t really
know all that much about gonorrhea in the first place so it would be best to have a medical
professional give the news anyways. Regardless, fresh tears started to prick Jungkook’s eyes.

“I know it’s difficult-

“No!” Jungkook shouted angrily. Jin flinched, the kid had only spoken in timid whispers or
panicked pleading since coming back and the venomous tone took him by surprise. “No, you
don’t know! So just shut up!”

“You’re right, I’m sorry, I don’t know. But I want to understand. It’s obvious you haven’t
been feeling well and all these doctor visits will help even though they’re difficult.”

Jungkook sniffled loudly but didn’t protest anymore, the fight bleeding out of him as quickly
as it had come.

---

“Long time, no see, Jungkook,” Dr. Brooke greeted. He was the doctor all of Jin and
Namjoon’s children went to, ever since they were little kids. Jungkook didn’t know who his
doctor was supposed to be when he was living with his father. He probably didn’t have one,
he doubted the health insurance provided by his father’s work was enough to schedule
appointments with Dr. Brooke even though he wasn’t even a private practice. Jungkook
welcomed a familiar face though he’d still rather be anywhere than the hospital. He didn’t
feel the all-consuming terror that made him need Jin or Joon by his side.

“So,” Dr. Brooke shuffled his papers, “I see you met my colleague a few days ago in the
pediatric ward, Dr. Andrews?”

Jungkook shrugged.

Dr. Brooke peered over his chart at Jungkook, “Well, he told me he ran some bloodwork for
you as a safety precaution and I have the results here.”

Jungkook swallowed. He knew he had something. Otherwise he wouldn’t have been forced to
come here. He just didn’t know what.

“Your results came back and it looks like you have a disease called gonorrhea.”

Even though he’d been bracing himself for bad news he could feel his blood turn to ice in his
veins. He didn’t exactly know what that disease did but he know from health class it was an
STD. It was serious. What if he had it forever? He felt his ears heat up. What were Jin and
Namjoon going to think? What if his brothers found out?

“I know it sounds scary but it’s quite common, we’re just going to give you an injection of an
antibiotic,” the doctor assured, as Jungkook’s breathing started to pick up. “Do you know
anything about gonorrhea?”

Jungkook shook his head as a few tears squeezed out of his eyes.

“Gonorrhea most commonly affects the urethra, rectum or throat. I had a quick discussion
with Seokjin earlier and he explained to me your trip to the ER last night. Based on your
symptoms it seems like only your rectum is infected. Just to double-check, have you had any
of the following symptoms; painful urination, pus-like discharge from your penis or swelling
of your testicles?”

Jungkook shook his head again before doubling over hiding his face in his hands in shame.
“What about any soreness in your throat?”

Jungkook shook his head again.

“Your lymph nodes felt a little swollen, but Jin said the ER took some swabs of those areas I
just listed and we’ll see when we get the results, so we really know what we’re dealing with.
The good news is the antibiotic should take care of all the infection, whether it’s in one part
of your body or several. I’ll give you a dose today and you can come back in a week for
another blood test. Make sure to avoid sexual contact during that time.”

A strangled sound of horror erupted from Jungkook’s throat at the last comment even though
the small sliver of rationality that remained knew it was probably some standard disclaimer
he had to give. He hadn’t wanted the things that had led to the gonorrhea transmission in the
first place. He didn’t.

Dr. Brooke gave a sympathetic sigh. “I know you’ve experienced some things you shouldn’t
have experienced Jungkook, but know it’s nothing to be embarrassed about and it was not
your fault. I’ll go prepare the antibiotic. I’m going to send Jin in here in the meantime,
okay?”

Jungkook continued to cry into his hands.

When Jin entered the room he didn’t say much and even though Jungkook was too ashamed
to peek out from behind his hands he could sense him hovering nervously in the background,
flitting around like a hummingbird.

Soon Dr. Brooke returned with a nurse and some medical equipment. She rolled his sleeve
up, politely ignoring the marks which she undoubtedly saw. A cold alcohol wipe was applied
onto his skin and he fought not to flinch.

Jungkook watched the needle approach warily. He’d never been afraid of shots as a little kid.
He remembered how Jimin would cry when they got their yearly vaccinations even though he
was older and it fed Jungkook’s ego making his chest puff up with pride as he would boast to
Namjoon how he didn’t even flinch. Now needles symbolized something else to Jungkook.
No longer did they represent flu shots or chickenpox vaccines. Now he associated them with
hard drugs that strange men, and sometimes even women, would use before they tore him
apart and touched him in all the wrong places. Jonathon had teasingly threatened to inject
him with whatever the fuck they used more than once. It was terrifying. This was terrifying.

Jungkook fought against the restraints even though he knew it was a losing battle. All it did
was give him rope burn which made Jonathon even angrier since it was in a risky place,
visible for anyone to see if long sleeves weren’t pulled down properly.

“You need to relax baby bro, I can give you the good stuff,” a heavy lidded Jonathon grinned,
holding up a freshly prepared syringe.

He couldn’t talk from behind the gag but he shook his head frantically.
“Suit yourself,” he mumbled handing it to the guest he had brought over who’d just finished
tying his arm off.

“Bottoms up,” the stranger cheered before injecting its contents into a popped vein.

Jungkook gasped through the fabric covering his mouth as they succumbed to a drugged
state. For a while they ignored him, too enraptured with whatever mesmerizing images their
doped up brains conjured. Eventually their attention turned to him. It always did in the end.

“You’re so beautiful,” the stranger cooed, running his rough hand down the side of
Jungkook’s face.

Jungkook screwed his eyes shut again, waiting for it to be over.

“…kook…Jungkook….ca…ear….us?”

Jungkook’s eyes snapped open, three blurry faces materializing in front of him. He blinked a
few times. Jin. A doctor – Dr. Brooke. A nurse.

“Kookie? Are you back with us? Kookie, it’s okay, I’m right here,” Jin said.

Jungkook continued to breathe heavily. They tried to give him what were probably more
reassurances but Jungkook never really registered their words. He wrapped his arms tightly
around himself which wasn’t even comforting since it sent a twinge of pain through his not
quite healed elbow joint.

“I w-want to go home,” Jungkook pleaded, in the exact same position as last night.

“I’m just going to have a quick discussion with your dad real quick, Jungkook. The nurse will
stay with you and then when we’re done you can go, okay?” Dr. Brooke asked.

“He’s not…” Jungkook panted, “he’s not my dad.”

Jin’s face pinched up slightly before quickly smoothing out and Dr. Brooke merely made
steady eye contact, his face revealing nothing. “Okay, well, we’ll just take a second.”

---

As soon as Jin and Dr. Brooke were shut inside his offices, both their faces fell although Dr.
Brooke recovered quicker. After a few deep breaths the doctor he’d been coming to with his
kids for over a decade turned to him. “I’m really sorry to see what happened to Jungkook, I
wish I could do more.”

Jin waved his hand. “It’s not your fault.”

“Here,” Dr. Brooke handed him a tissue after taking one for himself. They both blotted their
eyes before the doctor continued, “Now that it seems more information has come to light on
what Jungkook endured I can recommend you some experienced psychologists who deal with
these kind of traumas.”
“He already has a psychiatrist and therapist,” Jin protested. It was standard protocol.

“I know, I know. Your kids go the children’s mental health center off of Pine Avenue right?”
the doctor asked.

“Yes,” Jin said. It was the standard place social services would set them up with. Even after
adopting his children and having their insurance plans change most of them continued
therapy there. Although now Jungkook was the only one who needed the treatment.

“That’s a public facility, a bit underfunded and overused. I’m surprised you got Jungkook
booked with them so quickly,” Dr. Brooke continued, “I guess it was an exceptional situation.
They’re decent at what they do and I know it’s been working for your family so far but, if I
may, I know a private practice that might be better equipped to deal with the…depth of
Jungkook’s trauma. The staff there take on less patients so they can do more sessions and
work more closely with their patients. It’s a bit further away but I think it would be helpful.”

Jin gave a sigh. “Got their info?”

Dr. Brooke rummaged through his desk for a few moments before pulling out a pamphlet and
business card. “I’ll give them a call later today when I finish filling out Jungkook’s charts and
let them know I’m sending you guys their way. The insurance situation might be a bit
complicated but they’ll work with you to try and get it funded by the public state insurance
Jungkook is on. At worst, you’ll have to pay the difference but they have various forgiving
payment plans.”

“Thank you,” Jin said sincerely.

Dr. Brooke gave him a tight smile that didn't meet his eyes. “It’s nothing.”

They made their way back to the examination room. “Let’s go home, Kookie.”

Jungkook didn’t need to be told twice, immediately leaping off the exam table and stumbling
over to Jin where he grabbed his hand. Jin made sure not to show surprise at the contact,
instead he gave Jungkook’s hand a comforting squeeze. Jungkook was skittish and not very
reciprocal to physical touch at the moment.

As soon as they return home, Jungkook retreated to his room and Jin gave him space.
Jungkook’s small window of vulnerability had slammed shut and Jin’s heart was in ribbons.
Even though Jungkook had no reason to feel ashamed, the emotion was written all over his
face, clear as day. When he heard the sound of things falling in the upstairs bathroom,
however, Jin was instantly on high-alert. They’d made sure to hide as many sharp objects as
possible, ordering the rest of their children to keep their razors hidden in their bedrooms but
anything could be a weapon if you were desperate enough.

Jin took the stairs two at a time, skidding to a stop in the bathroom doorway. A hurricane of
toothbrushes, cleansing bottles, and towels greeted him as Jungkook threw objects around in
his desperate search.
“Jungkook did you need something? What are you looking for?” Jin asked even though he
already knew. He hoped getting Jungkook talking would help lessen whatever compulsion he
had right now.

In response Jungkook screamed at him and threw an unopened shampoo bottle at his face
which he barely managed to dodge, then Jungkook sank to the floor with his head in hands,
rocking back and forth.

“Jungkook, can you look at me? Can you say something?”

“I hate you!” Jungkook yelled.

“It’s okay to be upset, Jungkook.” Jin said, crouching down slowly so they could be at eye
level.

“I wish I was never born!” Jungkook accused as if it was Jin’s fault.

“You know, I’m very happy you’re here. So is Namjoon and your brothers and Binky and
Jemma.”

“Go away!” Jungkook sobbed, “Leave me alone!”

“I’m worried about you, Kookie. Do you feel like hurting yourself?”

“G-go away!” Jungkook repeated but Jin could see he was losing his fire just like his outburst
this morning.

“Come downstairs. You’ve had a rough couple of days, you can rest on the couch,” Jin said
calmly.

“I don’t want to,” Jungkook refused, his tears already drying up.

“I’m not going to leave you alone right now, Jungkook.”

Jungkook scrubbed his face with his good hand in frustration. Jin wished he would be more
gentle to his tender, bruised skin. He didn’t resist when a few moments later Jin pulled him to
his feet and brought him downstairs. Jungkook laid obediently on the couch, wrapping
himself in a blanket that had been draped over the back.

Jin needlessly organized the knick-knacks and books on the shelf by the TV until he was
certain Jungkook was situated after his…what? Meltdown? Breakdown? Whatever it was, it
seemed to have passed. He thanked the heavens for whatever sixth sense animals had as
Jemma made her appearance from seemingly thin air, trotting over and leaping up to the
couch cushions. She purred contently as she curled next to Jungkook. From the corner of his
eye Jin saw Jungkook relax slightly, his hand appearing from the folds of the blanket to pet
her. Binky ambled into the room not long after. He couldn't get on the couch by himself and
tended to prefer the floor anyways. The aging dog dragged one of his chew toys over to the
base of the couch and laid onto the floor with a thump, his old legs collapsing ungracefully
about halfway down but he didn’t seem to mind as he set to work on his chew toy.
Deciding it was safe to retreat to the kitchen, he put away the dishes and later when he
ducked back into the living room he found Jungkook fast asleep, one hand still splayed across
Jemma’s back.

---

When Namjoon came home in the evening and they were alone in their bedroom preparing
for bed, his husband asked, “So, he has a gonorrhea infection? In his…rectum?” Namjoon’s
face twisted into an uncomfortable expression at the last part.

Jin had texted him earlier about the news. He nodded.

“What does that mean? I googled it on my break and luckily it doesn’t seem to be serious
unless it’s had time to progress.”

“Dr. Brooke said it was uncomplicated and should clear up in a week or so. They just gave
him some sort of antibiotic so now he doesn’t have to take the one the ER prescribed. Also,
Dr. Brooke referred us to a private practice clinic specializing in psychiatry and therapy for
child abuse victims.” Jin added.

“Oh, we should check it out.”

Jin nodded. “Great, we can do it later this evening when the kids are up in their rooms.” He
paused before adding, “Jungkook had bit of a breakdown today after the appointment. And
before the appointment as well. Um, and, uh, during it too.”

Namjoon’s expression fell even further. “I’m not surprised. Poor thing.”

“We need to be extra vigilant for self-harming behavior. It’s so hard to see him like this. I
wish I could just make it all go away. At the hospital he wouldn’t even register us for like
half a minute. Like he didn’t know where he was. It was really scary,” Jin said, blinking back
tears.

Namjoon hated the troubled, sad expression on Jin’s face.

Jin and Jungkook had always been two peas in a pod. All of their kids were funny but
Jungkook could consistently bring Jin to laughter-induced tears and vice versa. Jin’s corny
dad-jokes and puns would make their other children groan and roll their eyes but Jungkook’s
would crinkle into amused crescents from his toothy grin. Sometimes it didn’t even take that
much, just the wiggle of an eyebrow or half a syllable and either or both of them would start
cackling in whatever weird secret language they were communicating in. Although the whole
neighborhood knew of their family and habit of adopting foster children, there was something
about Jin and Jungkook’s dynamic that always made people assume Jungkook was Jin’s
biological kid. Of course that wasn’t true, nor did Namjoon buy into the idea that biological
kids were somehow inherently closer to their parents anyway.

He would be lying if their bond hadn’t hurt him in the past – like occasionally in elementary
school when Jungkook would do an art project or Father’s day gift and give it to Jin, only
adding a sheepish ‘Well you and Joonie can share’ if Namjoon happened to be in the room. It
 was only natural that children had favorites and Jungkook just gravitated towards Seokjin
while Yoongi or Hoseok, for example, tended to approach Namjoon first with their worries.

“He needs time,” Namjoon responded eventually but it sounded hollow because honestly he
didn’t know what Jungkook needed. The more they learned about what had happened to him
the more overwhelmed Namjoon felt about the situation and they still barely knew anything.

Jin was also not buying Namjoon’s empty comforts because he continued, “He’s so..so…
humiliated, Namjoon. He’s so sad. So angry. It’s clear he doesn’t trust anyone. Not us, not his
doctors, not Audrey, and I doubt the police will be any better. I don’t even know the last time
I saw him smile or heard him laugh.”

Namjoon swallowed, trying to blink back his own tears. When was the last time he had seen
Jungkook smile? Months ago when he had come over to their house for dinner? But what
abuses had he already been subjected to during that time? Had Jungkook’s smile been
completely fake? Or almost as bad, was he smiling in relief because he was given a brief
respite from his abuse? Why hadn’t he reached out to them? Why hadn’t he asked for help?

“Come here,” Namjoon said, wrapping Jin in a hug, not sure who it was supposed to comfort
more. “It will be alright. We’ll call the place Dr. Brooke referred us to and now that Kookie
finally has the medication he needs for his physical injuries he might start to feel a little
better emotionally too. Don’t worry. We will figure it out.”

Jin felt some of the tension that had been building up in his shoulders dissipate. Namjoon was
right. It was overwhelming but they could break down the problem into what they needed to
do and they had a lot of resources at their disposal. They would get Jungkook the help he
needed.

Chapter End Notes

A long chapter, please enjoy. I really appreciate your comments! <3

 Chapter 4
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes

Jungkook had two full days of rest after getting the antibiotic injection. Combined with him
not over-using laxatives he looked significantly better, the dark circles under his eyes less
prominent and some color in his skin. Nowhere near as healthy as Jin would like him to be,
but leaps and bounds better than just a couple days ago. Jin had also cancelled Jungkook’s
therapy appointment. They’d look at starting therapy in a couple weeks after his body was
truly recovered and hopefully it would be at the fancier – and more expensive – office
recommended to them by Dr. Brooke.

Maybe Jin should’ve felt lucky that Jungkook got two days of peace before the police officers
came knocking since Audrey had seemed skeptical about her ability to even delay it by one
day. But he still couldn’t help a flash of annoyance and sense of protectiveness when the two
officers showed up at the doorstep and traipsed into his house, accompanied by Audrey,
another case-worker and a therapist. Namjoon took another sick day from work for the
occasion.

They exchanged introductions before cutting straight to the point.

“How is he doing?” Audrey asked as Jin ushered everyone to the living room.

“Not very well,” Jin said, trying to prevent his tone from sounding hostile. Two days of
healing did wonders, but Jungkook was still obviously sick and injured. Despite it being
almost noon, Jungkook remained in bed. Jin hadn’t managed to coax him downstairs for
breakfast. He suspected it was less because of his physical state and more due the fact that
Namjoon had informed Jungkook last night that the officers were coming over. They
certainly didn’t want to blind-side him with a police interrogation but Jin also worried he
didn’t get proper sleep last night because of the information.

“It’s to be expected, I suppose,” Audrey said wearily. Jin bit back a sharp retort, instead
turning to the two officers.

“Did you find any more details of what happened to him or who hurt him? He’s not told us
anything explicitly but he’s said a couple of concerning things here and there…”

“What do you know?” one of the officers asked.

“Just that there was some sort of drug bust and that he was found on the scene with injuries.
He was sexually assaulted by someone, probably more than once.” Jin didn’t want to make
any assumptions but who had done the assaulting? His father? Jin struggled to believe that
could be true but he didn’t know who else it could be. He saw Namjoon standing behind the
couch, shifting anxiously, waiting to hear what the officers had to say with as much tense
anticipation as himself.
The female officer cleared her throat. “Yes, well, to summarize we had obtained a search
warrant for a different place where we had intel that illegal drugs were being made and sold.
While searching that place we discovered strong evidence linking the drug operation to two
of the residents at the address where Jungkook was living. We followed that trail where we
arrested the two suspects and also found Jungkook.”

Two of the residents? Jungkook’s father and his wife were running some sort of drug
operation together? It sounded like something out of a crime movie. Before Jin could ask the
officer continued, “According to our files, they would be Jungkook’s step-siblings.”

Oh. Oh. His father’s wife had two sons who were a bit older than Jungkook. One around
twenty and the other in his mid-twenties, Jin had never learned their exact ages. Kevin, the
younger one and Jonathon who was a bit older.

“Are they the ones who gave him those bruises? And what about the other…things?”
Namjoon asked.

“We believe so,” the male officer now spoke up, “We’re investigating Jungkook’s father and
his wife, as we don’t know whether they also participated or had knowledge of what was
happening. They’re both in custody but no charges have been issued. Even though we were
searching the place under the suspicion of drugs we came across other evidence of the abuses
Jungkook was subjected to.”

“What kind of evidence?” Jin pressed, his stomach turning over.

The officer remained stoic as he continued, “A sizable collection of child abuse material was
found in both physical and digital copies in the home.”

“Child abuse material? Like pornography?” Namjoon clarified.

The other social services employee, a young-looking man who had introduced himself as
Ahmed, piped up “In law enforcement and other legal institutions like social services we
refer to child pornography as child abuse material. Because calling it pornography is to look
at it from the perspective of the people who created the content but that's not what it is, it’s
abuse.”

He made a good point but Jin wasn’t here to mince words. He looked expectantly at the
officer to continue.

“We’re still going through it but Jungkook was already identified in several of the articles and
the younger stepson, Kevin, admitted to sexually abusing him along with his older brother
Jonathon and other suspects yet to be identified.”

How many perpetrators were there? The stepsons had been running some kind of child
pornography – no child abuse - ring? Jin thought he was going to throw up. He gripped the
back of the nearest armchair.

“We’d like to question Jungkook now, if it’s possible. He may also need to get another sexual
assault examination done by one of our doctors. We understand it's a difficult situation but if
it’s true that the people Jungkook was living with were producing the content, other
perpetrators likely have gotten wind of the investigation. The sooner we act, the better chance
there is of identifying and arresting them. However, our priority in these sorts of cases is
saving the child, or children, rather than apprehending the abusers. But it’s nice when we can
do both.”

---

Namjoon’s mind was in overdrive at all the new information. The image of Jungkook’s
terrified, mortified tear-stained face in the ER after he’d gotten the first sexual assessment
had been haunting him. Namjoon didn’t want to subject Jungkook to the horror of reliving his
trauma but…but they also couldn’t just let pedophiles roam free. It was dangerous, not
potentially just for Jungkook but other children.

“He’s up…upstairs, I’ll go, um, get him,” Namjoon stammered.

Namjoon made his way to Jungkook’s bedroom, rapping on the door a few times to announce
his presence. Receiving no response he opened the door and saw a Jungkook-shaped lump
under the blankets. He laid a hand on where he presumed Jungkook’s shoulder was. The
mound of blankets startled and a hand darted out, whipping the comforter back to reveal a
puffy-eyed Jungkook, headphones which looked like Yoongi’s plastered over his ears. The
fear quickly faded from Jungkook’s eyes as he registered Namjoon. He took off the
headphones looking embarrassed.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you, Kookie.”

Jungkook stared at the pattern on his bedding.

“Listen, Jungkook, a couple officers are here. They really want to talk to you.”

His body went rigid, fear permeating from his every pore. “I don’t want to. I said already that
I don’t have anything to tell them.”

“I know you don’t but it’s important. Can you try?” Namjoon pleaded. He felt like the
world’s worst parent trying to convince his injured child to do something that would only
hurt him further. If Namjoon could take his place he would. But only Jungkook could provide
the information that the authorities needed.

Jungkook got up slowly and reluctantly, like someone six times his age. Namjoon wondered
if he still wasn’t as healed as he had thought.

“Jungkook are you okay? Are you hurting anywhere?”

“I’m fine,” the boy mumbled, his eyes determinedly avoiding Namjoon’s eyes.

“You look like you’re in pain,” Namjoon pressed.

“I just slept funny,” Jungkook said tonelessly, without any hesitation. Nothing more than a
rehearsed stock phrase.
Namjoon pressed his lips together into a thin line but didn’t question him further. Together
they made their way back downstairs where the police sat patiently in the living room.

“Jungkook, these are some other employees from social services,” Audrey said gesturing to
the therapist and Ahmed. They both gave Jungkook friendly smiles. “At least one of us has to
stay with you while you talk to the officers. Seokjin and Namjoon can stay too if you want.
Or they can wait in another room.”

Jungkook opened and closed his mouth a couple times. “You can…go,” he finally said, not
making eye contact with anyone. “Just them is fine,” gesturing timidly at Ahmed and the
therapist.

“Okay, we’ll be right outside. If you need any of us just let us know.” Audrey said.

Namjoon didn’t like leaving Jungkook alone with a bunch of strangers and he was surprised
at his dismissal but didn’t argue, instead walking to the back door, glancing over his shoulder
one last time to see Jungkook’s forlorn figure on the couch, his shoulders hunched up so high
they were nearly touching his ears. Namjoon felt a strong urge to rush over and scoop him
into his arms and hold him tight, like he had when Jungkook was an infant going through
drug withdrawal. It was almost physically painful to force his feet out the door and shut it
behind him.

---

Jin, Namjoon and Audrey sat in a circle around the table on the patio. Gray clouds were
rolling in and Jin thought it fit the atmosphere. He picked at a loose thread on his pants as he
worried about Jungkook and the horrible things he was recounting to the officers.

“So it was his stepbrothers then?” Namjoon asked, breaking the tense silence.

“Seems like it,” Audrey sighed. It was just now that Jin noticed how tired she looked.

“How sure are they that his father and the wife had nothing to do with it?” Jin managed to
ask, using all his will-power to pull his thoughts away from what Jungkook was doing right
now.

“Fairly certain. I talked with them as well. I honestly don’t believe they had anything to do
with it. They’ll probably be released in the next few days but of course the police will keep a
close eye on them and they will still have to come in for other questioning as the
investigation continues. I wouldn’t be surprised if they both end up with some charges on
child endangerment though.” Audrey said.

“How could they miss something so major in their own home? Drugs? Jungkook’s injuries?
He has bruises all over him. His arm was broken for fuck’s sake!” Jin snapped. “You were
checking up on them every month, how did you not notice anything!?” Namjoon placed a
hand on his leg and gave it a squeeze. Whether in warning or a gesture of comfort, Jin didn’t
know, nor did he care.
Audrey didn’t try to argue with him and her expression of regret reflected the own guilt that
had entrenched itself into his own cells.

“I’m sorry,” she said eventually. She looked close to tears. Jin’s own throat bobbed up and
down as he fought the urge to cry.

“None of us noticed,” Namjoon said.

Audrey took a deep breath, professional demeanor back in place. “Jungkook is going to have
a new caseworker assigned to him soon,” she said. “The man you met, Ahmed.”

“What? Why? What about you? Where are you going?” Jin asked.

“It was decided that it would be better to have new social worker for him as the case
progresses. I’m going to be taking a break for a while,” she said, cryptic as ever.

Jin narrowed his eyes. It sounded like she was suspended. Was she also under investigation?
Jin doubted it, otherwise she wouldn’t be here right now. He’d known her for years and there
was no way she had anything to do with the abuse, at least not directly. She was overworked
with way too many kids so it was impossible for her to have anything more than superficial
involvement and the mandatory monthly cursory home visits. And, for reasons currently
unknown, Jungkook had done his best to keep everything a secret. Still, Jin didn’t regret what
he said earlier. He did blame Audrey. He’d tried several times to mention that something
seemed off when Jungkook was living with his father and he felt that his complaints were
brushed off, that Audrey was merely putting up with him out of politeness. He still wasn’t as
infuriated at her as he was at Jungkook’s own father for not noticing. In the end though, she’d
failed Jungkook and that demanded punishment.

However, he had more reservations against her leaving than vendettas about her staying.
Mainly, Jungkook did have a bond with her. Not anything super close or personal, more like a
teacher-student sort of relationship. Still, she had attended some of his birthdays over the
years and even a soccer game. She’d seen Jungkook through some of his worst moments.
Losing her support would hurt him more than it helped the investigation or social services’
reputation.

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Namjoon said gruffly and Jin could tell he felt the same way.
“Ahmed looks pretty young, does he have enough experience with this kind of stuff?”

Audrey shrugged. “I can vouch for Ahmed’s competency. I’m sure Jungkook will be able to
relate to him more than he can with me. It’s actually an advantage that Ahmed is young
because he has less cases assigned to him than more senior employees. And frankly, we don’t
have the resources we would like so our options are limited.”

That certainly didn’t put any of Jin’s anxieties to rest but it’s not like he could conjure the
perfect social worker out of thin air.

---
Barely twenty minutes had passed until they were called back inside by one of the officers. “I
think he’s done for the day. We still don’t have the full picture but it should be enough for
now. We’ll be in contact in case he needs to come down to the station to identify anything or
if we have further questions.”

Jin shouldered past the officer, anxious to get to Jungkook. What he saw broke his heart.

Jungkook was rocking back and forth, clutching one of the couch’s decorative pillows to his
chest as he bawled. Ahmed and the therapist sat on either side of him, the therapist talking to
him in a soft voice but Jungkook paid them no heed. Jin wasted no time in a shoving them
out of the way.

“Oh god, Kookie, I’m so sorry sweetie. You did so well, I’m so proud of you. I know it’s
difficult.” Jin soothed even though he still didn’t have any details of what Jungkook had
actually went through.

Jungkook didn’t register Jin’s presence either and continued to cry as Namjoon ushered
Audrey and the officers out the door after exchanging contact information. The therapist
rattled off some tips and offered to stay but, frankly, he figured their presence was probably
more detrimental than helpful. When the door finally shut, Namjoon joined Jin on the floor in
front of the couch.

No matter what they said or did Jungkook couldn’t be consoled and he wondered with a
sinking feeling if they should’ve let the therapist or at least Audrey stay. Eventually Jungkook
cried himself to sleep right there on the couch, curled into a ball of misery as shivers wracked
his small frame.

---

One of the worst things was everyone’s burning question that he could almost physically feel,
the why didn’t you tell someone?

Jungkook had thought about telling someone. He’d thought about it many, many times.
Especially in the early hours of the morning when he was alone and in pain. He was too
scared, too ashamed to do it face to face even if he was given plenty of opportunities. Audrey
came to their house once a month to do a welfare check, where she would always ask him
privately if everything was going well. Namjoon and Jin would text him to make sure things
were fine or ask him in-person when he went over to visit. He would lie. Every time he
would lie. He couldn’t get his brain to process the words, much less his tongue to make the
syllables. How could he tell someone without really telling someone?

He’d formulated texts to Jin or Joon. He’d type out with shaking fingers, ‘I can’t live here
anymore’, or ‘can you come get me,’ or ‘I need your help’. Eventually he would delete the
message, unsent. What would the aftermath be like? People from social services would want
to talk to him. The police. What if the drugs complicated things? Even if he didn’t get in
trouble for it, how could he still live with his father if he found out? They’d never be able to
look each other in the eyes again. What would his stepmom think? Would they get divorced?
Would his father make enough money without her income? At the time he hadn’t even known
if he’d stay with his father if he told someone, much less go back to Namjoon and Jin’s
house.

He was terrified of the unknown, of not knowing where he would go or who he would live
with it. It was a gamble - he could end up in just as bad a situation in some other home if he
told. And if by some lucky chance he did go back to Jin and Joon’s they might not end up
wanting to deal with him. Jungkook hated the fact that the adult who’d been in his life the
longest was his assigned social worker, Audrey. That was quite rare in and of itself since
many social workers got so weighed down from constantly dealing with horrible children in
horrible situations that they quit after a few years. And that’s the kind of person Jungkook
would become if he told. Someone with a life so ugly that it made people quit their jobs and
leave so they wouldn’t have to think about him anymore. He could picture Jin and Namjoon
doing the same thing. That would hurt worst of all, going back there only to be kicked out or
taken away again. Besides, they already had their happy little family. Why would they want
him?

---

Jungkook tossed and turned, his heart beating too fast no matter how many times he told
himself that he was at Jin and Joon’s home. He was safe.

His limbs got tangled up in the blankets as he shifted around, making him feel restrained,
alighting a whole new panic in his veins. He hated when they tied him up. He frantically
kicked them down to the end of the bed. But when they didn’t tie him up it made him feel
complicit and even more disgusted. He shivered and hugged himself, now feeling too
exposed. He yanked the comforter back up and bundled it around himself, burrowing his face
into the pillow. He wished the memories would just stop. He was at Jin and Joon’s house. He
was safe.

---

Jungkook was curled on his side in his bed with his sheets that desperately needed to be
washed, trying to not writhe in pain. He was pretty sure they’d broken his wrist the other day
but he didn’t know what to do about it. He didn’t know how to make an appointment with the
hospital, or even who his doctor was anymore. But tomorrow was Monday. Maybe he could
go the school nurse instead. He just needed to think of a good explanation.

His dad had already bought the story that he’d been in a fight at school – it helped he had
already been in an actual fight with a student earlier in the school year although he hadn’t
initiated it. Not that anyone cared anyways. And he would’ve asked his father to take him to
a doctor but Jonathon had convinced Jungkook that it was just a little sore and he was being a
baby, warning him that he shouldn’t make a big deal out of it.

His mind flitted back to Friday evening when his father came home from work, exhausted as
always.

Jonathon and Kevin had brought Jungkook home only an hour earlier. He’d been holding
packages of assorted frozen veggies to his wrist since then. Usually the ‘clients’ were under
strict orders to leave exposed skin alone.
“Jungkook!? What happened?” his father cried out in alarm.

“Nothing,” Jungkook mumbled, feeling Kevin’s eyes on him from where he sat at the kitchen
table.

“Who did that? Did you get in a fight at school again?”

Jungkook shrugged.

“Jungkook, god, you can’t keep picking fights.” His father reprimanded. While Jungkook
could sense his father held genuine concern for him, Jungkook could never shake the feeling
that his father’s concern for his well-being was always outranked by his stress about his own
life.

“I didn’t start it,” Jungkook said. The hairs on the back of his neck stood up when he saw the
way Kevin shifted in his seat and narrowed his eyes.

“I don’t care who started it! You need to take responsibility and stop hanging around people
who will drag you into those sorts of situations. You don’t want to get mixed up in the wrong
crowd. Believe me, I made those mistakes before and paid the price. I want what’s best for
you but part of that is you making good decisions,” his father lectured.

If only it were so easy. If only his father knew the ‘wrong crowd’ was a lot closer to home
than some imaginary kids at school.

“Am I going to get a call from the school again? The social worker will want to know about
this too. Jungkook, you need to start behaving.”

There was a crashing against the front door that startled Jungkook out of his replay of the
conversation. Another crash, like an explosion. Jungkook clambered out of his bed, confused
and scared. He could hear the creak of wood as the door strained against its hinges. Dogs
were barking. He heard Jonathon swear from the other room. Suddenly Kevin barged into his
room.

“What did you do!?” he screamed at Jungkook, gripping him by the collar of his shirt. Kevin
looked terrified and furious, tears pricking his eyes.

Jungkook flinched back trying to find his voice, “I didn’t tell anyone, I swear!”

Kevin’s fist collided with his face. Jungkook saw stars as his head snapped to the side.
Another blow whipped it back the other way, this one landing on his chin. There was a
metallic taste on his tongue. Kevin backed away and Jungkook fell to the carpet, the impact
sending another jolt of pain up his arm and backside.

“Fuck, what do we do?” Kevin moaned, hands pulling as his hair.

Jonathon’s voice echoed from somewhere down the hall. “Help me! Start flushing it down
the toilet, hurry the fuck up!”
Kevin fled from Jungkook’s bedroom, slamming the door on his way out. “What about
the…?” his panicked voice hitched.

“God damnit, I don’t know! I don’t fucking know!” Jonathon’s voice echoed.

The slamming against the front door continued, causing the whole flimsy house to shake on
its foundation. There was the pounding of footsteps as Jonathon and Kevin tried to do
whatever the fuck they were trying to do. Jungkook started to cry. He was scared. Both his
father and his stepmom were at work. His whole body hurt.

The noise from the intruders and their dogs were getting louder and increasingly threatening.
Jungkook stood up from the floor, fighting to not double over from the pain that lanced up his
spine. Pale and sweating, he wobbled over to his dingy closet with his face now also
throbbing and sat down gently, trying to make himself as small as possible in the corner.

He could hear wood shattering and heavy boots on old hardwood. Jonathon and Kevin were
still screaming and swearing, there was the sound of water running. Dogs were barking and
growling. Everyone was yelling.

Jungkook covered his mouth with his good hand, trying to stifle sobs, praying that they
wouldn’t find him. He didn’t want to be arrested and go to jail. After more sounds of
struggle, several sets of heavy footsteps started to make their way closer to him. His door was
flung open and he opened his eyes just enough to see three officers in SWAT gear and a
ferocious-looking German Shepherd entering his small room. He whimpered as all their
gazes, even the dog’s landed on him. The police held their guns steady and confident. The
dog let out growl.

Jungkook’s breath faltered as he imagined its sharp, gleaming teeth clamping around his neck
and his body peppered with bullets.

“Hands up and lay down on the floor!” one of the officers ordered.

Jungkook’s breath caught in his throat and he couldn’t move or do anything other than cower
back into the closet’s corner.

“He’s just a kid. Why’s there a kid here?”

One of the officers swore under his breath and slowly approached Jungkook, putting his gun
away. Jungkook whimpered again as he pressed so hard into the corner he thought his spine
would fuse with the drywall.

“Hey buddy, can you tell me your name?” the officer asked, his imposing demeanor from just
moments before gone.

Jungkook trembled in terror.

“Do you live here?”

Jungkook gazed at him with wide eyes glazed over with tears. Fear had snatched all the
breath from his lungs.
The officer slowly reached forward and tried to pull Jungkook forward, one hand on his
shoulder and the other on his right forearm. Jungkook gasped in pain and flinched, pulling
the arm against his chest.

“Where are you hurt?”

Jungkook screwed his eyes shut and turned his face to the side.

The officer started talking into his walkie. “Can someone send some paramedics in here? The
first bedroom on the right. We’ve cleared the other rooms already. We have an injured child.”

A couple paramedics soon entered the already cramped space. Jungkook watched them
approach warily. They were less frightening than the police at least. Two of the officers,
including the one with the dog, retreated while the third stayed and explained to the
paramedics that his arm seemed broken.

The officer’s and paramedic’s hushed voices and gentle tones were condescending but how
could Jungkook blame them when he was so messed up that he was as articulate as a two
year old? Jungkook wanted to defend himself. Explain that he didn’t want to sell drugs or
take anything but they made him. He wasn’t a child. He was thirteen. But the words wouldn’t
come. Every time he tried to talk the words would die in his throat which constricted with
raw, unaltered terror. He felt weak and dizzy, like he might pass out.

A paramedic coaxed his arm from where he cradled it against his chest. Another carefully
brushed back his hair as they examined his rapidly swelling eye and busted lip from Kevin’s
outburst not even ten minutes ago. Slowly they got him to unwind and stand up, herding him
down the hallway. He didn’t see his stepbrothers anywhere but overheard some officers as he
passed by, discussing something in serious, shocked tones. He only made out a few words but
he didn’t like any of them. ‘Narcotics’. ‘Pornography.’ ‘Firearm’. He stumbled ahead of the
paramedics to get as far away as he could from what he knew the officers had found. It sent
another lightning bolt of pain up his backside and he fell onto his knees, bruising them on the
cheap linoleum of the kitchen. Sweat dripped down his brow. His vision flickered with black
spots. The paramedics’ voices now held an urgency that wasn’t there when they had talked to
him so softly earlier.

One of them hoisted Jungkook to his feet, holding him upright and supporting most of his
weight as they maneuvered out the front door where curious police officers eyed him closely.
Their gazes made him feel even more hot and nauseated. They helped him into the
ambulance where he sat on the gurney with a wince. The officer from earlier joined them. He
felt the slightest bit of relief when the ambulance doors swung shut, hiding him from the
discerning gazes of police officers.

A paramedic draped a red blanket around his shoulders.

“Can you tell me your name?” the officer asked.

Jungkook ignored his question. He was exhausted. Why couldn’t he just disappear? Who
would really miss him?
 “Is there someone we can contact for you?” the officer asked.

No, there wasn’t. He wanted to call Jin and Joon. But he had been shutting them out for
months. Usually things just happened to Jungkook but that was one bridge that he’d burned
all by himself. Jungkook was alone.

Chapter End Notes

This fic is partly inspired by the true-crime podcast 'Hunting Warhead'. In this chapter I
took the bit about referring to child p*rnography as child abuse directly from it as I think
it was a very poignant thing and it is important how we talk about such difficult subjects.
I recommend you listen to this podcast.

Anyways, thanks for reading, and now that the plot has really been set up the rest of
Namjin's children will start to get more screen time.

Please leave a comment if you have the time.

Stay safe and healthy.

 Chapter 5

He was selfish. When the police came to question him he had been bracing himself for them
to ask about what had happened to him. What they did and who did it. At first they asked
questions he expected.

“Did your father ever touch you?”

“What about your step-mother?”

“Did you ever tell them what was happening?”

No, they never touched him. No, they didn’t know what was happening. No, Jungkook never
told them. These questions weren’t so awful. He could answer these. But he grew more
fearful with each question. Soon they would ask him about what Jonathon and Kevin had
done to him. And the others. They’d ask him about the drugs he’d taken.

“Did you ever see or communicate with any other children?” they had asked instead.

“Did they ever mention any names?”

“Does the girl in this photo look familiar?”

“What about the boy in this one?”

Jungkook felt his stomach drop and his face grow pale. Other children? He had
subconsciously concocted a narrative in his head that told him that he was the only one they
were hurting. In some kind of fucked up way it made him a hero, he was sacrificing himself
so they wouldn’t hurt others. Better him than someone else who actually had a normal life
with a normal family. He was always so stupid. Not telling anyone did damage way beyond
than just himself. How many kids did they hurt? Why did the children in the pictures all look
way younger than him? Jungkook thought he might throw up. He felt dizzy.

“Did Kevin or Jonathon have direct access to other children? Did they associate with anyone
who had access to a child? Is there anything that anyone might’ve said that hinted at other
children and their identities?”

---

They were watching a movie, just him, his dad, and Marielle his step-mom. Kevin and
Jonathon were out doing something. Probably illegal. Try not to think too hard about it.

His dad was in the middle of passing out leftovers he’d taken home from work. He was
complaining about the addition of some new menu items that were difficult to make at the
pace they had to work at.
“Okay, honey, enough about your work!” Marielle chided. She turned to Jungkook. “How
are you liking your new school?”

“It’s okay,” Jungkook said. He would rather be at the much, much nicer school his brothers
went to.

“I know it was difficult for you to change middle schools earlier this year but next year you’ll
be starting high school and you would have changed schools anyways,” his dad said.

Jungkook made a noncommittal noise in his throat.

“I’m happy that you’re becoming close with Kevin and Jonathon,” Marielle said suddenly. “I
know there’s quite an age gap between you but they’ve always been so good with kids,
Jonathon especially.”

Jungkook squirmed uncomfortably in his seat.

“Even in high school he was always doing part-time jobs with kids. He was a swim instructor
every summer, you know? He was so popular. I’ve always seen him getting his teaching
license.” she continued proudly.

Jungkook felt nauseous.

“I bet it’s nicer having only two siblings now, huh?” Jungkook’s father said. “I know we work
a lot so you’d be lonely if there was no one here but I’m sure it’s a lot more peaceful than the
last place you were at.”

“Yeah,” Jungkook said, his voice strained. He curled his hands into fists to try and stop them
from shaking.

---

Not only were the hints there but it wasn’t something that even needed hints to begin with. Of
course they had been hurting other children. It’s not like they saw Jungkook and suddenly got
the idea. He just happened to be a convenient addition because he was living under the very
same roof. He wasn’t special or unique. He wasn’t a hero.

“There were others?” he had croaked out, still desperate that he had misinterpreted something
along the way.

“We found some evidence, yes,” the police woman said, “You never saw anything in that
room they would take you to that indicated someone else had been there? For example…”

Jungkook lost it. He started crying and couldn’t seem to stop. The police’s questions and
whatever the social services people were saying to him got lost amongst the roar in his head
and his rapidly beating heart. He couldn’t really hear or see or think, only feel all the terror
and guilt until he was sure it would kill him. Could you die from an emotion? All he knew
that was eventually he woke up in his own bed and Jin and Namjoon checked on him every
twenty minutes or so for the rest of day, constantly asking him how he was feeling with
worry in their eyes. Pity. He ignored them and pulled the covers over his head, not even
coming out when Jemma padded into his room and pawed and meowed at the blanket,
confused as to why Jungkook wouldn’t pay attention to her.

---

After the police interview, Jungkook barely spoke, acknowledged, or interacted with his
surroundings in any meaningful way. For nearly three days he remained up in his room where
Jin or Namjoon would take turns bringing his meals up and eating with him. Their other
children had questions and worries that Jin and Namjoon couldn’t answer. It got to the point
where they considered taking him to the hospital for an emergency psychiatric evaluation.
They had been holding out hope that the anti-anxiety medication prescribed to Jungkook after
the police first rescued him would be enough until he was physically recovered. They were
planning on waiting until his cast came off in another week and a half and that’s when the
private children’s mental health center Dr. Brooke had recommended would have finally
processed their insurance.

It was only after the weekend when Jungkook broke out of his catatonic state. His walls
started to come down a little and he would appear downstairs mostly for mealtimes with the
exception of dinner because he was still too embarrassed to face his brothers. With the rest of
the kids at school and Namjoon at work, Jungkook would finally relax a little in the peaceful
quiet of the house, excluding Jin doing some chores or Jemma’s purring and Binky’s panting.
He would cocoon himself in a blanket on the couch usually sometime after lunch and Jin
would stop whatever task he was doing to carefully approach and sit down next to him. It was
one of the only times Jungkook would consciously seek out physical comfort, pressing
himself quietly into Jin’s side. Jungkook still rarely said anything and Jin alternated between
staying silent or chattering about nothing. Soon enough Jungkook would fall asleep for a
rather long afternoon nap and Jin would get up after gently situating Jungkook’s head on a
pillow and return to whatever chore needed to be done.

It made Jin wonder how much sleep Jungkook was actually getting at night. He never came
downstairs until after everyone had filed out the door, but never more than half an hour after
they were gone. Considering everyone had relatively early starts to their day and the rest of
the teenagers in their house were content to sleep until noon on their days off, he suspected
Jungkook was spending a good portion of his nights awake. The bags beneath his eyes
weren’t as dark as they’d been when he overused the laxatives but they still hadn’t faded as
much as Jin had hoped.

“You know Yoongi and Taehyung have struggled with insomnia too. We can make an
appointment with doctor Brooke before your appointment with the psychiatrist next week if
you’re having trouble sleeping at night. It’s no trouble,” Jin said one morning.

“I’m sleeping fine,” Jungkook mumbled but his eyes shifted around the room and it didn’t
take a genius to know he wasn’t telling the truth.

---

Taehyung went stiff as Jungkook emerged from the bathroom, rubbing his eyes and looking
tired. He stopped abruptly just like Taehyung had when he noticed him.
“Hey,” Taehyung said. He had only caught glimpses of Jungkook here and there in the nearly
six days since he fainted that one evening. An elbow vanishing around a corner. A silent
figure slipping quickly and quietly back into his bedroom as fast as he’d left it. It was like
living with a ghost.

Jungkook bit his lip and stood awkwardly in the hallway, clearly wanting to make a quick
escape just like all the other times.

Taehyung was determined to not let him get away so easily. “Jemma missed you,” he said as
the gray cat got up from where she had been lying outside the bathroom and rubbed against
Jungkook’s shin, purring contentedly. “She would sit outside your door and howl for hours, it
drove Yoongi and dad insane.”

“Oh,” Jungkook said, his expression becoming impossibly sadder.

Taehyung winced. Had he said the wrong thing? He’d meant that Jungkook’s absence had
been noted and felt but he wondered if he’d accidently made Jungkook feel guilty for leaving
Jemma.

“But you’re back now, so, um, that’s good.” Taehyung continued, each word coming out of
his mouth sounding more cringey than the next. Why couldn’t he just stop talking?

“Yeah, for now,” Jungkook muttered.

Taehyung was way out of his element. “Well, I mean, our dads are probably gonna adopt you
soon now, so you won’t have to go anywhere again…”

Jungkook snorted angrily. “Don’t talk bullshit.”

Taehyung actually flinched at the words. Had he even ever heard Jungkook curse before? At
least in a non-joking way?

“Why…why wouldn’t they adopt you?” Taehyung asked nervously.

“Why haven’t they adopted me in the thirteen years we’ve known each other?” Jungkook
responded, his eyes flashing. “Because. They don’t want to. It’s as simple as that.”

“That’s not true,” Taehyung countered even though he didn’t know the details or his dads’
intentions. “It was just like, dumb legal stuff, you know they-

“I have things to do.” Jungkook cut him off abruptly, marching inside his room and pushing
Jemma back out when she tried to follow him in. The door shut louder than was normal and
Taehyung was left standing in the hallway feeling horrible that he couldn’t be there for
Jungkook in the way that he needed to.

Taehyung returned to his room and tried to piece out what Jungkook was feeling. His own
parents had been – were still – alcoholics. That being said, Taehyung hadn’t ever felt
unloved. As his parents’ alcoholism worsened when he was little he hadn’t even noticed - he
had no other childhood to compare it to. When he was first taken away by social services he
remembered being angry and confused even though he was never prone to a quick temper.
Eventually he adjusted, Jin and Joon’s was the first and only foster home Taehyung went to
and his parents never sought custody of him. They had tried to convince his grandparents to
do it but they were too old and also saw how well Taehyung was being treated by his foster
family. He still saw his grandparents regularly and he loved them. Visits with his biological
parents were less frequent as they got sober and relapsed and got sober…the cycle went on.

He could see they weren’t bad people despite their troubles and he always enjoyed spending
time with them when their sobriety permitted it. His thoughts wandered to a few years ago
when he had a supervised visit with his father around his birthday. His dad had given him a
saxophone he had found hidden away in his house. Many people were surprised by the fact
that his dad was an incredibly skilled jazz pianist – he was more than his alcoholism and was
a living, breathing person with thoughts, feelings and interests, thank you very much.
Taehyung still felt a little smug at Namjoon’s shock when his dad had played a complicated,
beautiful piece for him when he came to pick up Taehyung from a visit. His bio-father’s
musical skills often humanized him to others who had their life more ‘together’. It was such a
shame that neither his father or mother could stay sober for more than a few years at a time.

While not without its own pain, Taehyung felt like all in all he had had a pretty decent
childhood. His bio-parents hadn’t been abusive, loved him, and were still somewhat in his
life. Namjoon and Jin loved him from day one and gave him everything he needed and more.
Opportunities and support he didn’t know he had been lacking until he adjusted to their
household. He got along with his brothers, particularly Jimin and until recently, Jungkook.
Yoongi and Hoseok always gave him good advice and looked out for him. He didn’t think he
had any sort of complex about being adopted. He called his biological father ‘dad’ and he
called Jin and Namjoon ‘dad’. He loved all of them. He was lucky he had so many people in
his life.

So, Taehyung felt a little awkward and a little guilty when he saw how hard some of his
brothers had had it. Deep wounds that didn’t heal quite right and left them with ugly scar
tissue. Yoongi had seemed to have it the worse. Hoseok was from a similar situation as
Taehyung’s but without a parent who was interested in keeping in contact after his adoption.
Jimin had had it rough but he’d also been so young when he was taken away from his
relatives Taehyung couldn’t be sure how much he actually remembered but he knew Jimin
carried his past with him regardless.

And Jungkook.

Jungkook also had had it relatively ‘good’ until he turned five and then it got progressively
worse. He remembered how confused and upset Jungkook had been after he’d first gone to
live with his mom. He had lived with Jin and Namjoon his entire life so he didn’t understand
why he had to leave just like Taehyung when he had been taken away from his bio-parents.
Jin and Namjoon were essentially Jungkook’s bio-parents since he hadn’t known anything
else and Taehyung thought it was messed up how social services was taking him from a
stable, loving home to one that couldn’t measure up to Jungkook’s current standards.
Although he wasn’t unhappy with his mom, when he came back to visit the first few times he
would ask, “When can I come back?” Even though Taehyung had only been seven he
remembered how acutely uncomfortable Jin and Namjoon became at those questions.
“You’re always welcome to visit Kookie, but you live with your mom now,” they’d say.

After a couple weeks of Jungkook living with his mom Taehyung had crept downstairs at
10pm, well past his bedtime, to try and convince Binky to sleep in his room. While tip-toeing
past Jin and Namjoon’s bedroom Taehyung heard one of them crying. Taehyung froze. It was
the first time he’d ever heard one of them cry.

“I miss him so m-much.”

Taehyung couldn’t quite make out who was crying and who was comforting but something
knotted in his chest and he fled back upstairs, knowing he’d just overheard a private moment
he wasn’t supposed to.

Taehyung also remembered the chaos as he and his brothers were getting ready for bed later
that year, when Jin had answered the phone only to become extremely alarmed.

“Namjoon, call Audrey. Jungkook’s mom hasn’t come home yet.”

At the time Taehyung was naïve to the events that led up to it. All he knew was that a couple
hours later Jungkook was back in their home and the next night after Jungkook was put to
bed, Namjoon and Jin had a family meeting with the rest of them.

“Jungkook’s mom passed away. He’s going to be very sad for a while so I need you to be the
nicest brothers you can be, okay?” Namjoon had explained.

“So that means he’s going to live with us again?” Taehyung had piped up.

“Yes,” Jin said, this causing a sad smile to appear on his face.

“Forever?” asked Jimin.

Jin’s brow furrowed. “I’m not sure. Hopefully for a long, long time.”

The process had more or less repeated with his aunt. Jungkook had bounced back quickly that
time, he had never grown that close with her and she hadn’t passed away anyways. If
anything, Jungkook was happier than ever. No one ever discussed it directly but they
whispered amongst themselves that Namjoon and Jin were going to adopt him. Of course that
never happened and now Jungkook was gone-and-back again and more broken than ever.
Taehyung hated himself for thinking it but it seemed like this time he was broken beyond
repair.

Taehyung was no longer the naïve little kid and could make educated guesses about what had
destroyed Jungkook so thoroughly. This terrified, haunted creature wasn’t Jungkook.
Taehyung was even a little scared to be around him because he didn’t know how to interact
with him. Clearly Jungkook didn’t know what to do either which just added more bricks to
the wall between them.

---
It was always awkward for both of them but it needed to be done. “Okay, Kookie, let’s check
your arms real quick,” Jin said nonchalantly.

Jin’s heart sank as Jungkook’s face pinched into an uncomfortable expression, avoiding
looking even vaguely in his direction. “Kookie, did you do something?” Jin asked, a thread of
tension now creeping into his voice.

Jungkook’s brow furrowed further and his bottom lip wobbled slightly. Jin took a deep
breath. “It’s okay if you did, I’m not going to be upset but I want to make sure nothing will
get infected.”

It was a slow process but eventually he managed to coax Jungkook to roll up his sleeves.
Sure enough, on his left arm just above the crook of his elbow were several new red lines, a
little bit of dried blood crusted around their perimeters. They weren’t uniform and straight
like the others, instead they were uneven and jagged. Although still shallow, he could see
places where the cuts had gone a bit deeper. Despite trying to maintain a calm façade for
Jungkook’s sake, Jin let out a shaky breath. Then he pulled himself together and got to work,
pulling out the first aid kit under the sink. He quickly swabbed them with disinfectant before
plastering a few band aids over the cuts and finally allowed Jungkook to pull his sleeves
down.

“Jungkook, can you look at me?” Jin asked, still crouching down so he was on eye level with
the boy.

Jungkook’s large, round eyes met his gaze reluctantly, shame apparent in the miserable black
wells.

“Did you cut anywhere else?”

Jungkook shook his head.

“Can you tell me what you used and where it is now?” Jin prodded.

Jungkook opened and closed his mouth a few times before whispering, “A safety pin.”

“Oh, Jungkook,” Jin said softly, his voice watery.

“I’m sorry,” Jungkook apologized. “It’s on my desk.”

Jin took a deep breath. “Okay, thank you for telling me. You don’t need to apologize, I’m not
mad.”

Jungkook’s gaze dropped back down to his feet.

“Jungkook?”

“Hm?” Jungkook hummed.

“I love you.” Jin said.

Jungkook’s face pinched up again and this time he sniffled audibly.

“You hate me,” Jungkook eventually stated.

“I don’t hate you,” Jin replied immediately. “I love you. Very, very much.”

“Okay, well you’re disappointed in me.”

“I’m not disappointed in you either, I’m just sad for you. I can see you’re hurting and I wish I
could take away your pain. I wish I could notice these things sooner and help you through
them so you don’t feel like you have to hurt yourself. I wish I could’ve – I should’ve – helped
you before any of this ever happened.”

Jungkook sniffed. “It’s not your fault. It was a secret.”

“But we should’ve made you feel safe and comfortable enough that you could’ve told us
about what was happening.” Jin said. His insides were a knotted, anxious mess. He didn’t
want to say the wrong thing when Jungkook was so vulnerable but he had no idea what the
right or wrong things to say were.

“It wasn’t that. I was just stupid. I’m so stupid. I don’t know why I lied for him. I don’t
know… I don’t…” Jungkook trailed off, his voice shaky.

For him. For Jonathon? For Kevin? Jin pushed down the festering hatred that started to
bubble up every time he heard those names or thought about the two men. Jungkook was his
priority now and he was getting too worked up. “Don’t say those things about yourself,
Jungkook. You’re not stupid. And you’re not stupid for not telling anyone. I know he
threatened you. He knew what he was doing and knew what to say to prevent you from
telling anyone. You’re young and he was an adult. He shouldn’t have done those things and it
was our jobs to prevent and notice it. You’re not stupid,” he reaffirmed.

“I’m just gonna be c-crazy forever. No one is going to want to…to want to m-marry me or
even be f-friends with m-me.” Jungkook said, clearly edging closer and closer to breaking
down.

“I don’t think you’re crazy. You’re too young to be worrying about marriage anyways. And
your friends miss you. Your brothers love you. Namjoon and I love you. You’re not alone
Jungkook and you’re never going to be.”

Jungkook started crying in earnest. “But one day you and J-joon are gonna become old
and..and I don’t w-want you to and Binky is old and I d-don’t want him to die. I want
everyone to l-l-live f-forever and…and...”

Jungkook was quickly exploding into an existential crisis and although Jin didn’t know what
to do it was probably healthy that Jungkook was actually letting himself feel his emotions,
much less in front of another person instead of bottling it up and hiding in his room.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. No one is going anywhere soon. Try and take some deep breaths with
me.”
To his credit, Jungkook tried, but his inhales were shaky and exhales came out as a choked
sob. After a few minutes Jungkook managed to breathe in a manner that resembled normalcy
but he still looked frightened and shaky. “I’m sorry,” Jungkook said again.

“You have nothing to apologize for. I love you,” Jin repeated. He didn’t know what else to
say. Not that his words were any less sincere the more he said them but he still felt like a
useless record player.

“C-can I go now?” Jungkook asked timidly.

“Let’s go upstairs and you can give me the safety pin and then you can do whatever you
want, okay?”

After obtaining said safety pin, Jin went on a hunt for all sharp objects around the house.
Sewing needles, thumb tacks, pocket knives, kitchen knives – he locked them all in a safe he
and Namjoon kept in their closet.

“Should we put the scissors in there too?” Jin asked Namjoon once he got home from work.

Namjoon sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose with his thumb. He looked tired and a lot
older than Jin ever remembered him being. “No, we need the scissors too often. We can’t
hide everything. Its already going to be inconvenient enough with the knives.”

Jin bit his lip, he knew it was true but it didn’t stop him from wanting to try. “It’s not his
fault,” Jin said, coming to Jungkook’s defense.

“I know, I didn't mean it like that.”

“Ugh, I know, I’m sorry.” Jin said. “I just want to make this better.”

“I don’t think this is something we can make better, at least not on our own. But he starts
therapy in a couple days and Ahmed said the police will probably call us later this week to
come down to the station.” Namjoon reminded.

Jin’s mouth twisted further into a grimace. He didn’t particularly find the prospect of going to
the police station as good news but it did mean they might finally get some answers, get the
full picture. Or at least as much a picture as the police had pieced together so far. He was
equal parts dreading and anticipating it.
 Chapter 6

Namjoon and Jin met the social services-provided lawyer out front of the police station. They
had already had a phone call with him the previous day where he summarized the current
standing of the investigation for them. Kevin, the younger stepson, had apparently confessed
to everything nearly the moment he was arrested. Abusing Jungkook. Selling narcotics. He
disclosed the location of where the rapes had happened. He gave as many names as he could
but because Jonathon was the main leader and most of the perpetrators used alias’ anyways it
didn’t get them very far. Moreover, Kevin had admitted that Jonathon had abused him too,
from the time they were small children. Manipulated and threatened him into keeping it a
secret and ultimately to become an abuser as well, his second-hand man. It was gross and
fucked up but Namjoon didn’t feel an ounce of sympathy for him. Not after all the things he
had done and participated in. To Jungkook. To other children. He could burn in hell for
eternity and it still wouldn’t be enough of a punishment.

They’d been called down to the station to start to piecing together a victim impact statement
for Jungkook. The police needed his medical files, his new psychiatrist and therapist’s
information as well as Seokjin’s and Namjoon’s own statements of how the abuse was
affecting him. Both of them hoped if the police knew how unwell Jungkook was that he
wouldn’t have to further participate in the investigation or testify whenever it went to trial,
which likely wouldn’t be for many months.

“There’s no way they’d make him testify in the presence of one of his abusers but unless he’s
completely incapacitated he’ll likely testify in a two-way closed-circuit television. There’s a
chance we can film a pre-recorded deposition,” the lawyer explained.

“Let’s look into it,” Namjoon said quickly. There was no fucking way he was going to let
Jungkook walk into a courtroom under any circumstance. Even though it had just been over
three weeks since Jungkook returned to their home and he’d likely – hopefully – improve a
lot by the time it came to the trial, there was still no way it wouldn’t be traumatic if the semi-
formal interview the police had with him a couple weeks ago was anything to go by.

---

After exchanging greetings with the lawyer and an officer participating in the investigation,
they were led to a small generic-looking meeting room in the station where another officer
was already waiting with a box and stack of bulging manilla envelopes on the table, with
what had to be evidence.

“Take a seat,” the police woman said, gesturing to the chairs directly across from the other
officer. Namjoon swallowed nervously. He hadn’t been ignorant to the gravity of the situation
before but now, even before seeing what those folders contained, brought a whole new sense
of depth and reality to it. A reality he was quickly doubting his ability to handle.

“Before we ask you some questions and go over some things, do you have any questions for
us?” the officer said. Her tone was polite but in the trained, customer-service sort of way.
“Er, did you take his laptop and phone and stuff? What about his clothes?” Namjoon asked.

Right now Jungkook literally had nothing. Even the clothes he’d been wearing when they had
picked him up at the hospital were provided to him by the nurses. Not only did he suspect
Jungkook was a little bored without any of his own stuff, but worse, that he felt more out of
place and that he didn’t belong as he wore a mismatch of too-big clothes from all of his
brothers. If he wanted to use the internet, listen to music, play a mobile game, he had to ask
someone to borrow their computer or phone. Namjoon knew everyone was willing, he had
seen Jungkook using Yoongi’s and Hoseok’s electronics more than once but it still couldn’t
feel good. He didn’t want Jungkook feeling like a guest in his own home.

“We are still going over all our evidence. We’ll call you when you can pick it up,” the officer
replied.

“How long do you think that will be?” Namjoon pressed.

“There’s a lot of stuff to sort through and we’re a bit short-staffed at the moment so it’s
difficult to say.”

Namjoon frowned. Indefinitely then? He might as well haven’t even asked his questions.
Maybe he should just take Jungkook on a shopping trip. The officer’s eyes flicked to Jin who
was sitting with his jaw clenched and eyes trained on the various files surrounding the officer.
The officer noticed his gaze and stacked them back into the large cardboard box that
occupied the corner of the table. “We can get to these in a bit, how about first you describe
any behavioral changes you’ve noticed in Jungkook since he came back to live with you. Is it
okay if I record this?”

Namjoon and Jin nodded as well as signed their names on some forms the officers procured.

Jin finally opened his mouth but it took him a couple tries to get the words out. “Jungkook’s
been anxious. And depressed. He’s had a couple…I don’t know what you want to call them.
Flashbacks? He only just started seeing a therapist a few days ago so we don’t have exact
diagnoses or terms yet. But he’ll disassociate or have panic attacks and just not…be present
for a while. Which is very unusual for him. He doesn’t want to interact with others, especially
figures of authority. He’s been secretive about his symptoms, both mental and physical.”

The officer nodded but her expression gave nothing away and Namjoon wondered if she felt
anything about it or she had to turn off her emotions to do her job. How did people even do
that? Was the ability of emotional detachment also what allowed people to commit such
heinous crimes in the first place? He ached for a glimpse of humanity, of empathy behind the
curtain of professionalism the lawyer and officers wore.

They spent the better part of an hour detailing the events that had happened since Jungkook’s
return. The ER visit. His overuse of laxatives. His self-harming. His panic attacks that left
him near-catatonic. After the officers were done with their questions, one officer who had
been taking notes and had compiled together Jungkook’s medical forms they gave her,
shuffled them briskly and placed them to the side.
“We have some detailed, documented evidence of the abuse Jungkook was subjected to. You
don’t have to look at it now but some of it will eventually be presented in the courtroom as
evidence. We’re also creating a written summary of the findings.”

Namjoon felt a trickle of sweat run down his temple. This was it. Their chance to finally get
more insight and answers. What had actually happened behind closed doors for all those
months? He didn’t want to see it but he felt like he needed to know – a combination of
morbid curiosity and the possibility that a better understanding would better equip him to
help Jungkook.

“Okay…we would like to review some of it now if that’s possible,” he forced himself to say.

The officer took a deep breath before going into what was clearly a rehearsed summary, “We
have evidence that several children, all of which we have removed from their current homes -
including Jungkook – of being assaulted by the stepbrothers as well as various others who
have yet to be identified. From what we could piece together, the oldest, Jonathon, was the
ring-leader of the child-abuse operation. For Jungkook, it began with his stepbrothers
molesting him, and then Jonathon began forcing him to engage in sexual acts with strangers
in exchange for money. Sometimes they would also have Jungkook deliver them illegal
narcotics which they were helping to produce.”

The officer paused for a second her eyes flitting briefly between them, gauging their reactions
before continuing, “As their connections grew, they got deeper into the child abuse market
and it turned into video-recorded gangrapes that were mostly distributed on the internet but
they also owned a photo printer and developed physical photos which they presumably sold
as well, both with Jungkook and other children. The content itself wasn’t recorded in their
home, but Kevin disclosed the location of where the set was located. Neither his stepbrothers
or anyone else in the household owned property or rentals so we’re investigating the actual
owner to see if he was even aware what was going on,” the officer said in a careful, distant
tone.

Both Jin and Namjoon were silent for a long moment, digesting the information.

“Jungkook hasn’t mentioned anything or anyone. He won’t talk about it all. At least not to us.
We hope he’ll open up to his therapist about it.” Namjoon finally said.

“We did question Jungkook about this when we came to your house to do the home-
interview. The property owner’s photo was already shown to Jungkook but he didn’t
recognize him. From what we understand Jungkook was often blindfolded or drugged when
they took him to and from the location and often during the abuse itself.”

“He was drugged?” Jin rasped out.

The officer frowned. “Yes, Kevin admitted to using GHB and aphrodisiacs on him as well
Sildenafil.”

“Silde- what? And what was the first one?” Namjoon asked.
“Sildenafil. You probably know it by its brand name, Viagra, a sexual stimulant. The other
one, GHB is a depressant – it makes you tired or lose consciousness. It’s sometime used as a
date-rape drug.”

The implications of what the officer was saying sunk in and Namjoon hid his face in his
hands, expression screwing up as he fended off tears and nausea.

---

Jungkook was completely naked, tied to a chair. There was a gag over his mouth and his face
was red and tearstained. Semen coated his torso and legs.

Jin shoved his chair backwards. “I can’t look at this. I can’t do it.”

Namjoon had turned his own shade of green.

“I know it’s difficult, we have some more censored versions where we are trying to piece
together the physical attributes of other perpetrators,” the officer replied calmly, putting the
photo back into its envelope. “Here,” she said, deftly flipping through another manilla folder
and pulling out more photos. These ones were cropped around certain body parts. Regardless
of how it was presented it was obvious that that was a hand and underneath it was Jungkook’s
body and-

“Does the tattoo look familiar?” the officer asked and it was only then that Namjoon noticed
some sort of tribalistic-looking arrow tattoo on the offending arm.

“No!” Namjoon snapped. Did he even know anyone with tattoos besides the hipster cashiers
at Trader Joes? Why was he here? Why was he looking at this and violating Jungkook’s trust
and privacy? The officer said it was best to explore all avenues but there was no way he
would know any of these people, much less be able to identify them from a small patch of
skin.

The lawyer from social services finally said something and the officer put the photos back
into the box. “It may be that you are called down to look at it again if there is reasonable
belief that your insight might be of use to the investigation,” she said robotically.

“You have our information,” the lawyer said calmly.

“Is there anything else you need? Or are we done here?” Jin asked.

“That’s all, my colleague will escort you out.” She gave them a polite, albeit slightly strained
smile. Neither of them returned it.

Namjoon and Jin drove home in tense silence. With the way Namjoon’s jaw was clenched,
Jin could tell he was furious. It wasn’t until they got stuck at the third red light that Namjoon
finally unleashed his anger. His husband was someone who always needed to release it,
unlike Jin who could keep it to himself and it would bleed away on its own. With Namjoon it
would just burn hotter the longer he was left to simmer.

“God fucking damn it!” Namjoon swore, bringing his fist down onto the dashboard.
Jin put his blinker on and turned into the first semi-empty parking lot he spotted. When he
parked Namjoon looked at him, his eyes red-rimmed. “This wasn’t supposed to fucking
happen!” Namjoon yelled at him.

“I know,” Jin replied.

“We were supposed to adopt him years ago and he was supposed to be happy and healthy
and..and…”

“You’re right,” Jin said.

“I mean, do you know all the scenarios I had bouncing around in my head when we first
heard that they suspected he was sexually abused? I thought I imagined the worse…but what
we just saw, nothing comes close to that!” Namjoon was crying earnestly now.

Jin bit his lip, unable to reply. Based on the evidence the police had compiled they suspected
there were around twenty perpetrators documented in the videos or photos. But then who
knew how many or what kind of things happened offscreen? Before the video-recorded
gangrapes Jonathon had forced Jungkook into one-on-one situations with strangers but there
was no physical evidence of what had taken place or how many times with how many people.
Those were just the people who had hurt Jungkook in-person. When you included the content
distribution on the dark web or wherever the fuck people found those things it could be
countless and growing every day.

Jin shoved his palms into his eye sockets until he saw stars. Jin hadn’t expected the extensive
use of drugs. Based on the summarized evidence report there was also apparently one video
where they forced Jungkook to drink hard liquor until he was vomiting and nearly
unconscious.

There were both men and women in the child abuse material they had of Jungkook, although
it was overwhelmingly men. They had used sexual stimulants on him. Other times they had
sedated him. They would restrain him either with their own hands or bindings. They hit him.
They burned him. They forced him to have orgasms. They forced him to perform oral sex.
They penetrated him. That was just what had been documented and discovered by police.
Who knew what else those sick fucks had done to him? Jungkook was just a kid. A baby.
Why would they do to that him? Jungkook was shy and sweet and goofy and he loved
animals and his brothers. Now he was sad and afraid and didn’t want to interact with anyone
or anything. Having just learned what he did, Jin felt like even a lifetime of love and kindness
wouldn’t be enough to undo a single, paper-thin layer of the damage that had been done to
him. How had his father not noticed this was happening? How had the social workers missed
it on their checkups? What made Jungkook so afraid that he hadn’t confided in anyone? How
had he and Namjoon not noticed? They all had failed him irreparably.

Jin’s breath hitched and now it was his turn to let his words and emotions that had been
building spill out, “God, Namjoon, this is on a whole other level compared to what we went
through with Yoongi.” Jin didn’t want to play the game of weighing his children’s traumas
against one another. It was invalidating. Regardless, Jin didn’t believe that all struggles were
equal. All struggles were different. And Jungkook’s was on a different planet entirely.
“I mean, sexual abuse or rape doesn’t even begin to describe what he went through. From
what we’ve learned he was tortured. For months.”

“I know.” Namjoon said, his words still shaky and charged with emotion.

“How is he supposed to recover from that? How is he supposed to ever have a normal
relationship?”

“There are a lot of ways to have a relationship with someone, it doesn’t have to be sexual.”
Namjoon pointed out but his voice was weak and watery.

“What if he can’t ever be independent?”

“Then we’ll still be here to support him.”

“I know that, but do you think that’s what he wants? Even now I can see how badly he wants
to engage his brothers but he can’t and…and…when he had that panic attack at the doctor’s
office when they were giving him the antibiotics shot, it doesn’t take a genius to guess why
that would set him off given what they did to him! What if they made him take other drugs
against his will that just wasn’t on camera? He’s already at risk for substance abuse...”

He thought of the way Jungkook’s pupils had been blown wide and glazed over in some of
the abuse materials they’d been shown. ‘Probably ecstasy’ the officer had commented, almost
offhandedly.

Jin took a minute to catch his breath from his monologue he’d been delivering in one
anguished breath. He randomly thought of the picture of Jungkook he kept on his dresser
where Jungkook was beaming with his little park ranger hat they’d bought on a trip to
Yellowstone when he was just five, shortly before he went to go live with his mother. He was
so cute in it and wore it the whole trip and everyone would stop to coo and tell Jin how cute
his son was. His son. His and Namjoon’s son.

“I love him so much and…” Jin sobbed.

Namjoon rubbed his back. “I know, I feel the same way.”

“Everything about this is so fucking awful.”

Jin was shattered. They sat in the car in the slowly-emptying parking lot for a long time,
mentally unable to even turn the keys in the ignition. Jin didn’t know how he would react to
seeing Jungkook knowing what he now knew. Jungkook’s large doe-eyes. Eyes that once
used to be innocent and unassuming and were now apprehensive and hollow. And now Jin
knew exactly what had make them lose their playful sparkle. Why did those horrible people
do those horrible things to his baby? Why didn’t Jin protect him? Why why why why why?

---

Jin and Namjoon made sure they both had dry eyes by the time they got home. There was a
raucous video competition going on in the living room and their children barely
acknowledged them except Jungkook who was sitting on the edge of the couch with his
knees pulled to his chest. It was good he managed to get out of his room and sit with brothers
even if he didn’t seem very engaged. Jungkook scrutinized him and Namjoon for a long few
moments before staring blankly back at the television screen. Jin felt his heartrate quicken.
They had lied about where they had gone and what they had been doing. They said they were
going to a car dealership because they had been talking about getting a new vehicle for
months. Still, something about Jungkook’s gaze seemed distrusting. Suspicious. Afraid.
Knowing.

---

There was a knock on the bedroom door as Namjoon and Jin got ready for bed.

“Come in,” Namjoon called out, preparing himself for what he suspected would be a
distraught, vulnerable Jungkook.

Instead, an uncomfortable-looking Jimin pushed open the door. He shifted from foot to foot
nervously.

“Jimin? What’s wrong?” Jin asked.

“Um, I can hear Jungkook crying. Like pretty badly. I think something’s wrong with him
or…”

“Okay, Jimin, we’ll handle it. Go back to bed.”

After Jimin left, Jin and Namjoon shared a glance, each already getting out of bed and
making their way to the door. “Should we both go up or do you want to?”

“Maybe we should both go up,” Namjoon replied, not knowing what to expect. Did Jungkook
really know they had gone to the police station? Or was it just a coincidence?

No sooner had they made it to the top of the stairs did they hear muted sounds of distress
coming from Jungkook’s bedroom. It seemed the entire upstairs was preoccupied by
Jungkook. Yoongi was tense, standing in his doorframe while Hoseok had made it out a
couple steps further, lingering nervously in front of the door to Jungkook’s bedroom. “Go to
bed,” Namjoon told them as he picked up the pace, not even bothering to knock as he flung
the door open. His eyes first went to the bed which was empty, the blankets a rumpled pile.
Then his eyes landed on Jungkook who had wedged himself in the space meant for the chair
under his desk. His knees were pulled to his chest and he was sobbing into his hands.

Namjoon rushed over as Jin shut the door behind him so as not to put in on display to the rest
of the household. “Shh, Kookie, can you hear me?”

Jungkook remained catatonic, crying his eyes out. A very similar image to after the police
had questioned him. Namjoon laid a hand on his shoulder. Jungkook stiffened even more if
that was possible, his body radiating tension. Namjoon wondered if he even knew where he
was.

“Jin why don’t you grab his medication just in case?” he asked.
Jin rushed downstairs to grab the pills – the psychiatrist had prescribed two types of anxiety
meds. One that he needed to take every day for general management and a quicker-acting one
for situations where they couldn’t easily get him to calm down. Meanwhile, Namjoon tried
various tactics to snap Jungkook out of whatever flashback or panic attack he was having to
no avail. Even after Jin returned with the pill bottle and a glass of water, Jungkook was still
curled up under his desk rocking back and forth although his crying had died down to
whimpers. If he was calming down on his own they didn’t need to-

All of the sudden, Jungkook clapped his hands over his ears and slammed his head back into
the desk. And then he did it again. He tried to do a third time but Namjoon got a good enough
grip on him to hold him back. Jungkook let out an icy high-pitched scream.

“What’s wrong with him?” Jimin’s frightened voice asked somewhere from behind.

Jin whipped his head around – Taehyung and Jimin stood in the doorway. In his haste Jin
forgot to close it upon his return with the prescription.

“He’s having a panic attack,” Namjoon explained, “he needs space, go to your room and stay
there.”

Jimin didn’t need to be told twice. He fled the doorframe with Taehyung on his heels.

Namjoon held Jungkook firmly against his chest even as he struggled and squirmed.
Namjoon shifted so that Jin could help him take the anxiety tablet. Jin, however, had frozen.
“Jin,” Namjoon urged. Jungkook tried to slam his head back again but the only thing he had
had to hit it against was Namjoon’s shoulder. “He’s trying to hurt himself, I don’t think we
have a choice.”

He understood Jin’s hesitation and he shared his horror at what they were doing. After all, it
wasn’t much different than what his abusers had done – drugging him so he’d be compliant.
But it was different wasn’t it? This was to protect Jungkook. It didn’t incapacitate him
completely, just helped him calm down a little. A doctor had recommended it. It was
different. He thought of the marks littering Jungkook's upper arms. Their actions were
justified. They were.

Jin’s Adam’s apple bobbed up and down a few times but he went down on his knees and
scooted over. “This’ll make you feel better, Kookie.”

Jungkook heaved in shrill, shallow breaths as snot and tears ran down his face. Jin nervously
took a chance and placed the tablet on his tongue when he opened his mouth wide enough to
let out a sob. In quick succession he held up the water glass and managed to get Jungkook to
wash it down with a shaky sip. Namjoon relaxed slightly. That was easier than he’d hoped.
He still kept his grip on Jungkook, firm yet gentle, while the medication took effect.

Slowly, Jungkook deflated and he opened his tear-swollen eyes to focus on his surroundings.

“Kook, sweetheart? You’re alright, Jinnie and I got you. You’re in your bedroom. It’s okay.
Everything’s going to be okay.”
“They said they’d kill you,” Jungkook whispered.

“What?” Jin shot up, alarmed. Namjoon tensed again.

“Jonathon and Kevin. They said they would k-kill you and J-joon and everyone in this house
if I told. Even J-Jemma and Binky,” he explained, eyes filling with tears even as his energy
drained out of him like a leaky tire.

“Oh, honey, it’s okay, they’re in prison, they can’t hurt you or us. It’s safe.” Jin said.

---

Jungkook knew they had gone to the police station. While he couldn’t stop them from
looking at the photos and videos and whatever else, as disgusting as that made him feel, them
thinking he liked it or didn’t say anything because he loved Jonathon was a million times
worse.

If Jonathon had made those threats about hurting his foster family the first time he’d ever
touched him, Jungkook wouldn’t have believed him. Jungkook would have still been sane
enough to perceive it as a bluff. But as the types of abuse escalated, so did his stepbrother’s
threats. At first when he came to Jungkook’s bedroom to force the younger to watch him
masturbate, or grope Jungkook, his threats were things like breaking his phone or laptop.
Both of which were birthday and Christmas gifts from Jin and Namjoon in the past.
Eventually the threats became ones rooted in violence – like hurting Jemma or Binky. And
then threatening to kill them. And then Jonathon threatened to do the things he did to
Jungkook to one of his siblings. Until, finally, one night as Jonathon’s sweaty body lay on top
of him, he whispered in Jungkook’s ear, “I could do it. I could burn their whole house down
in the middle of the night. They’d suffocate from the smoke before they could even wake up
and know what’s happening. They’ll all die.” Jungkook was still never really sure if he
completely believed Jonathon’s threats but either way they invoked a terror in him that
prevented him from ever whispering even a word about what Jonathon, Kevin, and the
countless strangers did to him.

“Th-they know where…where you live. And they said they would t-tell the police I helped s-
sell drugs and that I t-took them. But I d-didn’t want to, I swear. They m-made m-me do it.”

“I know, I believe you. Joonie and I believe you. So do the police. That’s why the police want
you to tell them if you remember anything so they can also help catch the other people who
hurt you.”

“I d-don’t know,” Jungkook said, curling in on himself. “I don’t…they made me do drugs so

I c-couldn’t remember but I d-didn’t want t-to.”

“It’s not your fault, we know you didn’t want to. We believe you.”

“They would tie a blindfold around my eyes so I couldn’t see. And I didn’t like it..what they
did to me.”

“Of course not, they were hurting you,” Jin said.

“They made me take something and it would…it would do something to me but I didn’t like
it. I didn’t. I hated it,” Jungkook continued to babble, unable to really believe Jin’s
assurances. His eyelids were growing heavy and his tongue felt too big for his mouth. It
wasn’t unsimilar to how he would feel with the drugs Jonathon would give him. Why did
everything keep happening? At least with the closing of his eyelids and grogginess that
descended on him like a heavy blanket his emotions also started to dull and buzz in a way
that wasn’t unpleasant.

He blinked heavily a couple times, Jin and Joon’s faces appearing, albeit slightly blurred. Oh
right. He was at their house. So why did he feel like this? Did it even matter? He wanted to
sleep.

“Okay then, let’s get you to bed.”

Had he said that out loud?

“We love you Jungkook.”

Jungkook couldn’t love anyone anymore.

“….in..e…morn..g.”

Humming in acknowledgement to whatever had just been said was the best Jungkook could
do before he drifted off into unconsciousness.

---

“Jungkook’s like really messed up.” Jimin said to Taehyung once they were back in their own
room and the noise from Jungkook’s had finally died down. Namjoon and Jin had just
traipsed past their room to go back downstairs. Jimin hoped they would stop by on the way
back to tell them more about what was going on. Anything would’ve been nice. It was scary
to see Jungkook like that.

Taehyung looked at his feet awkwardly.

“I mean I always felt he kind of used to be the golden child, and the least messed up out of all
of us. Jin and Joon raised him since he was a baby.” Jimin continued.

“Yeah,” was all Taehyung said.

Jimin sighed. He loved Jungkook, but this traumatized shell-of-a-person that had returned to
their home a month ago was not his baby brother. Jimin was getting tired of having to walk
around the house on eggshells with no explanation.

“What do you think happened to him?” Jimin asked.

“Nothing good,” Taehyung said, his expression dark.

“I mean, I know he came back from the hospital kind of fucked up. But my original parents
beat me up and, like, I never acted like that. Do you think he’s on drugs or something?”
“I don’t know, Jimin!” Taehyung spat.

“Calm down, I’m just wondering,” Jimin replied, heat entering his own voice.

“Well it’s none of our business!”

“Yes it is, we live with him! I’m getting tired of all this secrecy!”

With few exceptions, like the old version of Jungkook, Jimin had always been a model child
and a rule-follower. Both were the highest academic achievers out of all of them. Taehyung
knew that Jimin always harbored a little jealousy towards the youngest. Things that Jimin
worked hard towards often came naturally to Jungkook and although from Taehyung’s point
of view they were treated and praised the same by their parents, he could sense Jimin always
felt a little out-shone. He could be a bit of a diva sometimes. Even when they were little and
traipsing around as a family somewhere, Jungkook would always be the one strangers
pointed out and cooed over. Jimin’s jealousy only manifested itself as a snarky comment here
or there but now, coupled with what Taehyung knew was worry for their baby brother, it
seemed to have morphed into something bigger and uglier.

Taehyung just hoped he wouldn’t say or do anything stupid.

 Chapter 7
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes

Hoseok had never even been in the foster care system. His mom was dirt-poor and lived in a
trailer park, just like in the movies. He was pretty sure he’d been a mistake to begin with but
for whatever reason she didn’t give him up for adoption right away. Hoseok liked to think it
was because she loved him too much. She’d never hit him and he only remember being
scolded for things he actually deserved. But the stress was too much on her and there were
too many bills to pay and one day when he was five she sat him down to explain that he
would go live with another family and it was for his own good. Even though she said she
loved him and they’d stay in contact, she never did. It was a chip on his shoulder he couldn’t
quite get rid of despite his new family’s love and a lot of therapy. He often thought about
trying to find her in the future. Only after many years had he admitted that to Namjoon and
Jin and both of them were unsurprised and promised to help him if and when he decided to
do so. Unfortunately, they also didn’t have information other than her name but said they
could contact the adoption agency to look into it more, he just needed to ask. He hadn’t yet
taken them up on their offer although he’d made attempts in the past on his own through half-
hearted google searches but nothing ever came of it.

When he was younger and more naïve he actually had harbored no small bit of jealousy
towards Jungkook and Taehyung because of how their bio-relatives still wanted them in their
lives. Now, although it would be nice to have the certainty that his mom had loved him, a
large part of him was thankful he didn’t have to get run through the foster care system. His
adoption was simple and clean and his life had been stable ever since.

He had heard Jungkook crying himself to sleep more than once since he got back to their
house but the other night, through the walls they could hear Jungkook hyperventilating so
hard that Jimin had run downstairs to fetch Namjoon and Jin. His dads’ eyes were dark as
they rushed to Jungkook’s room. They seemed worried but not surprised. Hoseok wondered
what was going on behind the scenes. After Jungkook had quieted down and presumably
fallen asleep, Hoseok lay awake on his bed well into the night. He could tell by Yoongi’s
breathing pattern that his older brother was also wide awake.

“Yoongi?” he had whispered, feeling uncharacteristically timid.

“Hm?” the elder hummed right away.

“Do you think…do you think what happened to you happened to Jungkook?”

There was a beat of silence and Hoseok hoped he hadn’t overstepped his bounds. It wasn’t
something they ever really discussed directly even though they all knew what had happened.

“I think so,” Yoongi sighed.

“Me too. I…um, overheard something the other day.”

“Like what?” Yoongi asked.

“I didn’t get the context but I heard Namjoon on the phone with someone, maybe a person
from social services? Basically something along the lines that Jungkook’s father wasn’t
arrested or anything but a few times Namjoon mentioned Jonathon and Kevin.”

“Jungkook’s stepbrothers?” Yoongi asked, his voice surprised.

“Yeah. Like I got the feeling that the stepbrothers were doing something to Jungkook but not
his dad.”

Yoongi was silent for a long while, processing what Hoseok had just said.

“I mean, I can’t be sure, like I said I only heard some of the conversation and there was no
context.” Hoseok said hurriedly.

“Do you know if his father still has rights? Like to take Jungkook back?”

The last thing Jungkook needed was another drawn out custody battle.

“I don’t know, but that’s what I thought too.” Hoseok felt a lump form in his throat. “What if
he goes away again? I don’t think…I don’t know what would happen to him then.”

Hoseok couldn’t bring himself to be straightforward about his fears but the implication was
clear enough. Before Jungkook had even been brought home from the hospital, Namjoon and
Jin had texted them to tell them to gather up all the razors form the bathroom and hide them
in their rooms. It didn’t take a genius to figure out why. When Hoseok was in the eighth
grade he had to do the same thing, but hide his razor from Yoongi. The rest of his brothers
had been too young to shave, yet they all had caught glimpses of the cuts lining Yoongi’s
arms. They had a whole family meeting about it and everything. But that was the past and
Yoongi was mostly better now. With Jungkook, everything had a shroud of secrecy and that
terrified Hoseok even more.

“We have to look out for him as best we can.” Yoongi said.

Hoseok hummed in agreement but he didn’t how that was possible. He kept trying to engage
Jungkook in conversation or activities but the youngest would startle every time Hoseok
called out to him or knocked on his door. Occasionally Jungkook would watch TV or play
video games with him but he swore his little brother hadn’t managed to speak an entire
sentence to him since he’d come back. If Hoseok had deduced correctly and it was the
stepbrothers that had done something to Jungkook, did Jungkook somehow project his fear
onto him and the others? How could they look out for somebody that was terrified of and
didn’t want anything to do with them?

“I don’t know how to look out for him,” Hoseok admitted.

“We just have to be patient.”

“Okay.”
 ---

Jin thought about forcing Jungkook to go shopping with him, just to get him out of the house
to places other than the children’s psychological clinic for his therapy appointments but
ultimately decided against it. He needed to get a million things at Sam’s Club and Jungkook
looked worn out from their earlier jaunt around the block with Binky. He wasn’t sure if
Jungkook could handle an hour of traipsing around the spacious department store. However,
there was also no way he was going to leave Jungkook alone at the house in his state. What if
he had a panic attack? What if he used everyone’s absence as an opportunity to hurt himself?
Thankfully, since Yoongi was a senior he had a free period after lunch. Normally the eldest
would just stay at school and work in the library because there wasn’t much point to return
home for an hour and a half only to go back for the last period of the day. Jin texted him and
asked if he could watch Jungkook during it. Yoongi had complied immediately and Jin hoped
some one on one time with his brother would do Jungkook good.

“Alright, I should be home in time for you to get to your next class,” Jin said as he gathered
up his things.

“It doesn’t really matter if I go to it or not, it’s just English,” Yoongi said with a nonchalance
that irked Jin.

“It’s not ‘just English’, Yoongi.” Jin scolded.

“Whatever, it’s not like I’m going to college anyways. You need to let that dream die.”
Yoongi drawled lazily and Jin knew his oldest was taunting him.

They’d tread over this territory one too many times before so Jin didn’t take the bait and let
the matter drop. “I’ll be back in time,” he repeated instead and went out the door.

If time could have re-winded to a year and a half ago and either Jin or Namjoon had been
asked about which one of their kids they worried about the most, the answer would’ve been
Yoongi.

Compared to their other kids he’d come to live with them at a slightly older age, seven. Until
everything with Jungkook he’d been the only one to have experienced sexual abuse – his
uncle had been molesting him. On top of that, or maybe because of, he was diagnosed with
various mental illnesses over the years. First ADHD, then anxiety. In middle school,
depression and at the start of high school, OCD. While all of their children had gone to
therapy at one point or another, for Yoongi it was a near constant in his life and likely always
would be even though he hadn’t been for around a year now and was coping well.

Still, Yoongi always had the lowest grades out of all their children. Hoseok was no straight-A
student like their three youngest either but, well, Hoseok had charm. Ever since he was little
he was practically overflowing with charisma. And Yoongi didn’t. Not that Yoongi was
unlikeable. He had friends. His teachers had no complaints. Really, they didn’t have anything
to say about him. He was quiet in class and made average or below-average grades. As much
as Jin and Namjoon believed in the importance of education they knew that it wasn’t for
everyone, especially for people who weren’t neurotypical. Many people were successful
without a higher education but it still put them on edge about what their oldest child’s future
would hold. And Yoongi was always adamant that he was not going to college. In the
beginning, they thought he’d grow out of it but then as it became clear Yoongi was not
interested in his education they turned to trying to convince him which quickly escalated into
arguments.

“I want to go into music, paying for an education in an art field is a waste of money when
I’m learning it on my own now,” Yoongi would say.

It wasn’t even the fact that Yoongi was interested in a competitive and creative field, the
nature of which had low job security. Both of them were supportive of all of their children’s
creative endeavors and outlets. But they still weren’t about to preach what they considered
the rather naive ‘follow your dreams’ sentiment. Certainly they encouraged their children to
test their dreams. If it didn’t work out then you could go try something else. They were
realists. Working in the entertainment industry was something that often relied more on
connections than technical skill. Yoongi was certainly very talented and hard-working when
it came to music but he lacked that social charisma that most of their other children had and
was needed to succeed in such a field. Thus, if it had been Hoseok or Taehyung or any of
their other children who came to them saying they weren’t going to go to college in an
attempt to ‘make it’ in Hollywood they would’ve been more lenient in giving them a fair
chance with less misgivings. They weren’t trying to be cruel but it was important to be
pragmatic and they were afraid of Yoongi getting hurt. Despite his unbothered façade, he
could be fragile and they didn’t want his carefully constructed confidence to come violently
crashing down.

But Yoongi didn’t see things their way, he never did. Maybe it was because he was young, or
because he was different from their other children neurologically, but he was fixated on this
goal. And Yoongi was anything if not persistent. Namjoon and Jin had been shocked when
Yoongi came home after school one day soon before the summer break between his junior
and senior year of high school announcing he had secured a paid internship at the radio
station. The casual way he said it made it clear that he didn’t want a big reaction, even
positive shows of emotion quickly made him uncomfortable and defensive.

“Are you nervous about it?” Jin had asked.

“No.” Yoongi said flatly.

Neither of them fully understood Yoongi’s process but he always managed to blow their
expectations out of the water and in retrospect they felt guilty for doubting him. Namjoon
especially went out of his way to support and help Yoongi in a musical career.

“Look, I know you don’t want to do the four-year university thing, I can respect that,”
Namjoon said. “But look at this program I found. It’s not an official degree program or
anything like that, it’s a two year program in LA that has programs in music production,
business, or vocals. They have a lot of famous alumni.”

Namjoon was babbling as fast as he could in the fear that Yoongi would just hear it as ‘more
school’ and scoff at his suggestion. While the turn of Yoongi’s mouth wasn’t exactly happy, it
wasn’t an outright frown either.
“Let me see that,” Yoongi sliding the laptop in front of him.

After a few minutes of browsing the school page and reading some online reviews, Namjoon
asked, “So what do you think?”

“I don’t know…I mean I’ll have to do more research on it. It looks interesting, I guess,”
Yoongi replied.

Namjoon counted that as a victory and decided not to press the issue any further for the time
being. A couple months passed and Namjoon would cautiously bring it up every now and
then to Yoongi’s wooden response, “I’m still thinking about it.”

Then, Jungkook had been reunited with them and that took up most of Jin and Namjoon’s
worrying. Jin felt bad because he wasn’t spending as much time with his other children as he
usually would but they were all doing better. As teenagers they were more independent and
didn’t want or need him breathing down their neck.

---

Jungkook’s hugged his knees to his chest and curled his toes anxiously. Although Yoongi was
reading his book on the other side of the couch, Jungkook could tell he was expectant for
Jungkook to say something now that everyone was out of the house except them. And
Jungkook wanted to, even now. Out of everyone, Yoongi was the one person that Jungkook
had almost confided in when he was living at his dad’s. Not about what his stepbrothers and
the others had done to him – that was a secret he had been planning to take to his grave. But
even before Jonathon and Kevin had done anything to him, he was having a hard time at his
new school.

Being the new kid in the middle of the semester had made him an easy target, especially
when they found out that he’d gone to the much nicer, wealthier school across town before
coming there. After joining his new school’s soccer team, his skill had gotten some attention
and people backed off a bit. It didn’t last for long though. Soccer season eventually came to
an end and afterwards Jungkook made the mistake of not sitting with the other sports kids at
lunch. Instead he had gravitated to a few girls that were in a couple of his classes. They were
nice. Definitely tougher and harder than any of his friends at his old school but they were
some of the few people in his year who weren’t disruptive, always did their homework and
made good grades. Unfortunately, those very reasons made them low on the popularity
hierarchy and soon the boys began bullying Jungkook again.

Jungkook knew Yoongi had also been bullied when he was younger and it just sucked so bad.
So, when he came over to visit one weekend he’d almost told Yoongi what was happening at
school but in the end he didn’t because he knew Yoongi would tell Jin and Joon and then
everything blow up into an even messier situation.

---

“Why are you always hanging out with girls? Are you gay or something?” a kid named Ryan
asked him once in the hallway between classes.
Jungkook swallowed nervously. No one really used gay as an insult at his previous school.
And even the ones who did never used it around him because they all knew of his family, of
Jin and Joon.

“I heard he had two daddies before he moved here. He’s a faggot just like them,” someone
said.

Jungkook felt his insides turn to ice. He wanted to cry.

“You gonna say something?” Ryan asked, coming face to face him. “Or just stand there and
cry like a little bitch?”

Jungkook needed to decide what to do – and quickly. His whole life he was given
permutations of ‘violence is never the answer’ but that rule didn’t apply to this new world he
was living. This school would eat him alive if he tried to play by the rules of his old life. He
let his fear start turning into anger. He could stand up for himself. He retracted his arms and
then shoved Ryan in his chest with all his might. “Leave me alone!”

Ryan stumbled back a few steps and some students let out a whoop. At this, more students
began to rapidly crowd around them, hollering for a fight. Ryan glared at Jungkook and then
charged forward. Jungkook grappled with him as they collided, both falling onto the hard
linoleum floor of the hallway. They scuffled for a few moments, neither landing any hard hits
and Jungkook managed to scrabble back to his feet. He hesitated, hoping Ryan was done.
Why hadn’t a teacher come yet? At his previous school fights were usually broken up before
they had barely begun. But this wasn’t his old school.

Ryan took advantage of Jungkook’s hesitation and managed to punch him straight in the face,
his fist sinking into his eye socket painfully. Jungkook shrieked and collapsed to the floor.
Ryan was leering over him again and managed to kick him in the shin once, twice, before a
teacher finally appeared screaming and hollering and pulling Ryan back.

Jungkook immediately sat up and clutched at his aching shin. He was about to raise a hand to
his eye which he could already feel swelling up. But then the teacher was looming above
him, just as furious at him as she had been at Ryan.

“Get up! Right now!”

When Jungkook didn’t comply fast enough she gripped his arm roughly and pulled him
through the crowd as she shouted a few obscenities at the gawking students. His shin ached
as he limped after her. He felt as unsafe with her as he did with Ryan, if not more so. He was
hauled to the school’s counselor’s office and shoved into a chair next to Ryan who’d been
handled just as carelessly by another teacher.

Jungkook glanced at him nervously but Ryan merely scoffed and crossed his arms over his
chest, feigning boredom and annoyance.

“They were fighting in the hallway, causing a scene,” said the female teacher.
The counselor waved her and the other teacher away. “Okay, I’ll deal with it,” he said,
looking unimpressed.

Jungkook’s lip wobbled as he fought not to cry. He didn’t want to get in trouble. He was
clearly the one who was most hurt, his rapidly swelling eye hurt, but no one seemed to care.
He hated being here. He hated this school.

“I won’t suspend you if you apologize to each other,” the counselor said after he marked
down their names.

“Sorry,” Ryan said immediately. Neither his voice nor expression contained any emotion,
least of all regret.

“I’m sure you can do better than that,” the counselor said.

“I’m really sorry, Jungeek,” Ryan repeated with a touch of sarcasm.

“It’s Jungkook,” Jungkook managed to say.

“Whatever.”

The counselor rolled his eyes but didn’t reprimand Ryan further. He cocked an expectant
eyebrow at Jungkook. “Well?”

“Sorry Ryan,” Jungkook squeaked.

“Don’t do it again or you will get suspended. For now I’m just giving you a warning but I am
going to call your homes and let them know what happened. Let them deal with it,” he
muttered.

Ryan’s jaw clenched in anger and Jungkook shrunk back against his chair.

“Sure,” Ryan said. “Can I go now?”

“Yes, you’re dismissed.”

Ryan stormed out of the small room but Jungkook lingered. He’d always been told by his
previous teachers and Jin and Joon and even Audrey to tell the truth. Especially about bullies
or if something wasn’t fair. Jungkook opened his mouth.

“What?” the counsellor said, sounding impatient.

“I…n-nothing.”

“Okay, well get to class otherwise we’ll also have to tell your parents or whoever you live
with that you were tardy too.”

He paused for a second to study Jungkook’s face. “Actually, go to the nurses office first. She
can fix you up and write you a pass.”
Jungkook nodded and fled the room. He decided to take a detour to the decrepit restroom that
was perpetually out of paper towels and hand soap. Tears burned in his eyes as he examined
himself in the mirror. His eye already had an ugly bruise and the skin was puffy. He was
going to Jin and Joon’s house this weekend and had been looking forward to it for a couple
weeks - but now it was ruined. What would they think about it? What would they say? They
would be so disappointed that he got in a fight.

His dad was going to be mad at him and probably his stepmom too.It’s not like they were
ever home though. He saw Kevin and Jonathon more than them but his stepbrothers ignored
him for the most part, which he didn’t blame them for. If he was older he wouldn’t want to
hang out with a kid either. Sometimes he caught Jonathon staring at him with a weird look in
his eye that made Jungkook wonder if they were annoyed he moved in. If he wasn’t there,
Jonathon and Kevin probably wouldn’t have to share a bedroom. He was lonely at his father’s
house. He was lonely at school.

He cried over the sink for a couple minutes before leaving the sharpie-graffitied bathroom to
find out where the nurse’s office was.

---

Jungkook scrubbed at his eyes that were already starting to well up at the unpleasant
memories of his school even though it paled in comparison to the sort of stuff Jonathon and
all the other men had started doing to him. But the bullying from people his own age hurt in a
different way than what his stepbrothers did. He needed to remind himself he was at Jin and
Joon’s and on the couch and Yoongi was right there. His older brother had dropped all
pretense of pretending to read and now Jungkook could feel his worried eyes boring into him.

Jungkook sucked in a nervous breath trying to stop his hands from shaking.

Yoongi ended up being the one to break the silence.

“Jungkook, I…” Yoongi began.

The elder licked his lips and tried again, “I don’t know what happened but I can guess. And
you know what happened to me when I was younger. Just, you can talk to me if you want. Or
ask me anything if you need advice or something.” Yoongi said.

Jungkook grew several shades paler and his eyes wider. Yoongi thought he would reject the
offer outright but Jungkook whispered, “I don’t ever want to think about it again. I’m here
now, it doesn’t matter anymore.”

“You know it doesn’t work like that, Kook. You have to work through it,” Yoongi said gently.

“Jin and Joon are already making me go to therapy three times a week, what else do you want
from me?” Jungkook said, tears once again pricking the corners of his eyes.

Yoongi hoped his expression didn’t give anything away. Had he heard that right? Three times
a week? Even at Yoongi’s worst he’d never gone more than twice a week. Nowadays he
didn’t go at all though the option was there if he needed it.
“Do you like your therapist?” Yoongi asked. “It’s important that you get along. You can ask
for a new one if it’s not a good fit, you know.”

Jungkook scrubbed at his eyes. “I’ll never like any therapist. I hate it. I hate everything.”

“No you don't,” Yoongi reasoned.

“Look, maybe you could be normal or whatever after what you went through but..it was…
they…” Jungkook’s watery eyes looked around the room as if the words he wanted to find
would be written on the wall. “Yoongi, my situation is like one of those crime shows. Like
the police and probably even the FBI or whatever is trying to track down this human
trafficking ring and these missing kids. For all I know, thousands of thousands of creeps have
seen my face and watched what they did to me. Trust me, it’s not ever going to go away and
get better.”

Yoongi’s mind was reeling. Yoongi certainly didn’t have it easy but he’d had years of therapy
and a stable environment to process and heal. His situation had been an open and shut case,
his uncle was arrested and he was removed from the care of his relatives to Namjoon and Jin
who adopted him as soon as they had the chance. What the hell had Jungkook gone through?
Human trafficking? Missing children? Some sort of content distribution on the darkweb? On
top of everything, Jungkook had been shunted in and out of homes his whole life. Even if
Namjoon and Jin took him back every time he was still technically a foster kid and not
legally theirs. There were limitations on what they had jurisdiction over when it came to
Jungkook’s wellbeing.

“But you’re not there anymore, you’re here. You have us. Jin and Namjoon are going to
adopt you as soon as they can.” Yoongi pleaded.

Although Jungkook never admitted it, at least not to him, Yoongi figured Jungkook had some
sort of complex and insecurities about being the only unadopted one even if Namjoon and Jin
didn’t treat him any differently. It was only reasonable. Yoongi was the third to be adopted,
after Hoseok and Jimin but before Taehyung. He hadn’t been in the family yet for Hoseok’s
adoption but he remembered having a sense of envy at Hobi’s guarantee. The flare of
jealousy had been even stronger when they attended the court hearing for Jimin’s adoption. It
was always a celebration and while Yoongi was genuinely happy and excited for the
‘adoption parties’, until it was his turn there was always a degree of fear and resentment. It
had to be awful for Jungkook to see them getting adopted one by one while moving back and
forth between bio-relatives homes and here.

“Yeah, right,” Jungkook retorted sarcastically.

“They will! Jungkook, they want to adopt you so bad.”

Jungkook’s eyes narrowed. “You’re just as stupid as Tae. How am I supposed to believe they
got to adopt everyone else but somehow could never do the same for me? I’m just their
charity project. No, actually they just want the extra income that comes with having a foster
kid,” he spat bitterly.
Yoongi recoiled. Did Jungkook actually believe that? “J-jungkook that’s not true! You know
it’s not true! I know you weren’t here to see it but they would cry about it when they thought
we couldn’t hear every time after you moved out.”

“Okay, so they were upset for a little while? So what? That’s supposed to make it all better?
I’m sure you loved taking all my stuff and using my room! I bet you were upset when I came
back because you’ve always wanted your own bedroom!” Jungkook shouted.

“Jungkook, you’re not l-listening,” Yoongi said, starting to get more and more upset, and an
uncomfortable clammy, anxious feeling he hadn’t felt for a while spreading through his chest,
“It’s not t-true.”

“No! You’re not listening! You don’t understand! I wish I never even came back to live here,
I hate it here!” Jungkook was standing now, yelling directly into Yoongi’s face.

Before Yoongi could think of to say, Jungkook was already storming away up the stairs.

Yoongi didn’t waste time in following him, remembering Jin’s instructions. He stopped
Jungkook’s door from slamming shut with his forearm.

Jungkook turned to him eyes shiny with tears and rage. “God, why the fuck can’t anyone
leave me alone!”

“I’ll leave you alone but you have to keep your door open.” Yoongi said, hoping he sounded
as calm and authoritative as Jin or Namjoon did.

“Just go away!” Jungkook screamed again and Yoongi held up his hands in surrender and
backed away, going to his own room slowly and making sure Jungkook did leave his door
open. Thankfully he complied and Yoongi kept his own door propped open as he sat at his
keyboard and began to play songs from Jungkook’s Spotify playlist in an attempt at a truce.
Jungkook stayed in his room.

---

At the store, Jin stopped by the clothing bins as he usually did, perusing for anything anyone
might like. Namjoon had mentioned he wanted another sweater now that it was November
and the air was always crisp and chill. He kept his eye out for any dark forest green garments
which he always thought was Namjoon’s color.

“Seokjin?” He heard from behind, the voice slightly familiar. He turned around to greet the
woman, his mind registering it was Martha, Jacob’s mom – Jungkook’s close friend and
soccer teammate.

“Martha, it’s good to see you, how are Jacob and Nichole doing?” Jin asked.

“They’re good. Nichole just got a part-time job at Nick’s pizza, her first one.”

“Ah wow, time flies. She’s Hoseok’s age isn’t she? Guess I should pressure Hoseok into
getting a job. We’ll have to stop by some time when she’s working.”
“Oh, you should, she’d like that. How are your boys doing? I’m glad I ran into you because
just the other day we were talking about Jungkook. Have you heard from him lately? Jacob’s
invited him to a few things but he hasn’t been responding, I wondered if maybe his number
changed.”

“Ah…er, Jungkook is actually living with us again,” Jin began cautiously.

Martha’s eyes widened. “Oh,” she said, “I wasn’t aware of that. Poor thing.”

Jin fought back a bitter smirk. If only she knew.

“Yes, well, he doesn’t have a phone at the moment but we’re looking into getting him a new
one. I’ll let him know that Jacob’s been trying to contact him.”

“Thank you. Can we expect to see him back at school? I know it must be difficult to have to
flip-flop back and forth like that.”

“Hm, maybe next semester. For now I think he needs some time readjust to everything. He’s
going through a bit of a hard time,” Jin said carefully, wanting to protect Jungkook’s privacy
while also giving his friends some insight in to the situation.

“Alright, well, let him know he’s welcome to come over at any time and that we miss him. I
hope he feels better soon.”

“Sure,” Jin agreed before continuing on his way, his task of getting a sweater for Namjoon
forgotten. There was no way Jungkook would be able to handle going back to school.
Already his therapy appointments – sixty to ninety minutes and three days a week were time-
consuming enough and like a couple classes in and of itself. He even got ‘homework’ to do in
between sessions. Still, it would probably be beneficial for him to start socializing again with
kids his own age. Jin hoped Jungkook would be eager to hang out with his friends if he knew
they wanted to see him.

---

The next time Jin went shopping, he dragged Jungkook with him. They were going on a trip
to Target so Jin could buy him his own basic wardrobe since who knew if or when they
would be allowed to retrieve his stuff from his father’s and the police. At this rate, Jungkook
would outgrow his clothing there by the time they collected it. Moreover, Yoongi had
revealed they’d gotten into an argument last time and it proved that Jungkook was just too
unstable right now to be left without a real adult though Jin suspected Jungkook was
beginning to resent their constant hovering.

The shopping was mildly successful even if it felt like pulling teeth to get Jungkook to make
any decisions of what he wanted. Everything Jin suggested was met with a shrug or a
mumbled “anything is fine.” Jin essentially picked out everything for him, sticking to easy-
to-match monochrome with a splash of color here and there. At least Jungkook now had
enough clothes to get him by for the time being as the weather began to grow bitterly cold.
Jin couldn’t tell if Jungkook’s lethargy was due to his depression and other diagnoses or his
medication. The psychiatrist said it would take at least three weeks before the medication
started to take effect and now it had been four. Jungkook had been growing more and more
tired every day. The first month Jungkook had come back he had been plagued with insomnia
but now the pendulum had swung in the other direction and all he wanted to do was sleep. As
concerned as he was about Jungkook’s lack of energy he couldn’t deny that Jungkook was
much calmer. He hadn’t had any sort of anxiety attack in the last five days – a new record.
But he also didn’t have much of anything. Emotion. Energy. His appetite also seemed more
lackluster than usual. He didn’t want to drug Jungkook into a zombie. Per the doctor’s
recommendation Jin and Namjoon had been documenting the side effects on their phones. He
was eager to discuss them with the psychiatrist at their next meeting in a week’s time.

As they returned from the shopping trip, Jungkook dragged his feet inside and gazed up at the
staircase with foreboding as if it was Mount Everest. He made it to his room though, while
Jin followed him and placed the bags next to his dresser.

“Are you feeling okay, Kook?” Jin asked.

The boy had already lied down on his bed. “Mh,” Jungkook said.

Jin felt his forehead and it wasn’t warm, so no fever at least. “I’ll bring you a glass of water.”
Jungkook was already asleep by the time he returned.

---

Jungkook squinted at the picture of Jemma he had propped up in front of him before
hunching back over the blank piece of paper he’d snatched from the printer. When he’d gone
shopping with Jin he felt too shy to ask for some art supplies even though Jin had practically
been begging him to choose whatever he wanted.

He couldn’t pinpoint all the reasons that made him so uncomfortable on the shopping trip but
one of them was that he was terrified he was going to run into some of his old friends or
acquaintances. Jin had told him the other day his friend Jacob had been asking about him but
it made him anxious rather than excited. Jungkook wished he could teleport to another plane
of existence where no one knew him. He was scared he would have a panic attack and cry in
front of his friends if they hung out. It was already humiliating enough that his family saw it.
He didn’t think he would be able to handle more onlookers. He wished he wasn’t so lonely
though.

Releasing a breath he didn’t mean to hold, he re-focused on his drawing.

“Jungkook!”

There was a knocking on his door and Jungkook startled, nearly smudging the drawing. What
did Namjoon want?

“Yes?” he called out uncertainly, nervous that he was going to be in trouble and his thoughts
tripped over each other as he struggled to remember what he had done wrong.
The door opened to reveal Namjoon balancing a medium-sized plant in one hand, the other
on the doorknob. “I would really, really appreciate it if I could put this in here,” Namjoon
said gesturing to the plant with his eyes.

Oh. He shrugged. “It’s your house anyways,” Jungkook said.

“Yes, but it’s your room.” Namjoon replied.

Jungkook felt a lump building in his throat for some reason. Namjoon continued to look at
him, a question in his eyes so Jungkook croaked out, “You can put it in here.”

“Thank you! The direction your window faces will give it just the right amount of sunlight it
needs.” Namjoon said eagerly, trotting across the room and arranging carefully on the
windowsill.

He did have a bit of a plant obsession, they were slowly encroaching on every unused
windowsill or table space. Now that Namjoon was here Jungkook found he really didn’t to be
alone right now.

Somehow Namjoon seemed to sense his reluctance. “What are you working on?”

The same shy discomfort Jungkook often felt around Jin and Joon these days settled over him
like a heavy blanket. He didn’t want to be alone but he was scared to be around anyone. “Just
a drawing,” he mumbled.

“Can I see?”

Jungkook shoved the drawing in Namjoon’s direction.

“Oh, it’s looking so good, Kookie! You’ve always been so artistic! But why are you using
this cheap paper? Didn’t you get any art supplies when you went out shopping with Jin?”

Jungkook shrugged and changed the topic. “It’s fine. Is the plant new?” he asked quietly.

Namjoon’s eyes trailed over the drawing and the stubby pencil Jungkook was using one last
time before answering, “Yes, I got a deal from a co-worker who is moving soon. These plants
are usually really expensive.”

Jungkook felt relieved as Namjoon turned away from his artwork to fuss over the plant
although Jungkook didn’t understand how a plant would need fussing. Jungkook tracked his
movements. Despite Namjoon’s life-long green thumb Jungkook didn’t know much about
them. The leaves had holes in it.

“Didn’t you used to have one of these? With the holes in it?”

Namjoon’s eyes lit up. “Yeah! When you were younger. You and Jimin said it looked like
swiss cheese.”

“You were upset because Jemma knocked it over and it died after you repotted it.” Jungkook
recalled.
 “I told you, they were expensive. Jin actually had specially ordered it for me for my birthday
from a greenhouse. Do you remember what you and Jiminie did for me though?” Namjoon
asked fondly.

The shyness returned but it wasn’t as uncomfortable as before. He could feel his cheeks
flaming. “I dunno.”

“You and Jimin found some other plant in the park and cut holes in the leaves with your craft
scissors and gave it to me.”

Jungkook’s mouth twisted as he fought down an embarrassed smile. They’d broken a branch
off of a bush at the playground. When they got home they argued of how to cut the leaves.
Jimin wanted to cut hearts in it but Jungkook wanted it to be like the original. It turned out
they could only find the scissors with the zig-zag pattern so it looked more like it barely
survived a hurricane when they were done. Namjoon had appreciated their attempt
nonetheless.

“It was stupid,” Jungkook said.

“I loved it, it was so cute! I still tell that story to my co-workers and stuff,” Namjoon went
on.

“Gross,” Jungkook said but he couldn’t hide the way the corners of his mouth pulled him up.

“Well, thank you for letting me put it here. Just try to keep Jemma away from it this time, I
know this is her favorite room in the house.” Namjoon ruffled his hair before leaving.

Jungkook sighed and gazed at the plant, stretching his arm across the desk to admire the
pattern of dappled sunlight through the leaves on his skin, wondering how so much time had
passed and things had become so different. But maybe things weren’t so different though? He
was again living in the house he mostly grew up in. His brothers were still in the bedrooms
down the hall. Jemma was still a hazard around plants. Namjoon still looked at him the same
way he did before everything happened. Really, the only thing that was bad and different was
himself. He didn’t know how he had managed to hold himself together so well for those
months at his father’s only to lose it when he was taken back to Jin and Joon’s. Being at their
house was arguably the best outcome he could’ve hoped for, yet why did he feel so crazy?
Why did he feel like his emotions and thoughts were ripped full of holes just like the plant
Namjoon entrusted him with?

Chapter End Notes

This chapter is kind of all over the place, hope it's not too confusing.
 Chapter 8
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes

Eighteen Months Ago

Jin listened with half an ear as Jungkook chattered on and on to Namjoon about the
scrimmage match his soccer team had had that day with another team. It was an unofficial
practice game but Jungkook scored three goals and was puffed up with pride.

“...and then when we stole the ball from their mid-fielder he fell to the ground crying like
he’d broken his leg even though Nathan had barely touched him at all so they got a penalty
kick which they didn’t deserve and it was so bad our goalie didn’t even have to move because
it just went in the opposite direction and…”

Jin didn’t quite remember it being that dramatic but he didn’t correct Jungkook’s
embellishments. Jungkook finally finished his play-by-play retelling, nearly as out of breath
as he’d been after the match because Jin swore he hadn’t taken a single pause in the past five
minutes.

“Wow sounds like quite the match and you’ll be unstoppable this season,” Namjoon said.
“I’m looking forward to going to your actual games if they’re half as exciting as what
happened today.”

A faint blush colored Jungkook’s cheeks and Jin had to bite back a smile. “I mean, like,
maybe Mark didn’t actually score from as far away as I said and I don’t really know for sure
if their defense guy broke his toe when he tripped, but yeah.”

He could see the amusement sparkling in Namjoon’s eyes too but he merely assured, “Well
however it goes I’ll be there to support.”

“Okay just don’t bring dumb snacks like sliced oranges or anything when it’s your turn,”
Jungkook mumbled before racing away.

“Yeah Jin, don’t bring anything dumb like sliced oranges,” Namjoon repeated after Jungkook
was out of earshot.

Jin chuckled, “I’ll make sure to bring celery sticks and peanut butter. He’s become quite the
story-teller.”

“Sounded like quite the game.”

“There were a few inconsistencies here and there based on what I saw but what do I know,
my eyesight is going bad.” Jin said.

“Old man. You’re telling me the second goal Jungkook made didn’t actually give the goalie a
mild concussion?”
“Oh, leave him alone, he did good.” Jin said, waving a hand.

“I know, I’m proud of him.” Namjoon paused. “Did his father make it to the game?”

Jin’s expression immediately darkened. “No, he called fifteen minutes before it started and
said he had to cover a shift at work.”

Namjoon frowned. “I don’t like this whole situation.”

“Neither do I. I mean I believe him that he had to go to work but he needs to realize there is
more to parenting than providing food and shelter. He needs to actually learn how to spend
time with Jungkook,” Jin complained. He’d been holding in the thoughts all afternoon just
waiting for Namjoon to get home so he could vent.

“How did Jungkook feel about it?”

“He just shrugged and didn’t seem bothered.” It was both bad and good. Jin was relieved
Jungkook wasn’t hurt at his father’s no-show but also shouldn’t he be building a relationship
with his father by this point? So far his father had done nothing wrong, it’s not like missing a
scrimmage match counted against him in social service’s checklist. He’d been consistently
meeting all their other objective requirements.

Jin wondered if they would even get their turn in the soccer game snack-rotation or Jungkook
would already be gone by then, on the other side of the city playing for a different team. If he
could even play at all since Jin doubted his father’s ability to bring him to and from practices.

One Year Ago

Three days ago everything had been finalized in a meeting with Audrey. Documents were
signed and a date was agreed upon when Jungkook would officially and likely permanently
move to his father’s house on the other side of town. Jungkook had been awfully quiet after
they told him the date – two weeks from now. He had a habit of keeping things to himself
which is what lead Jin and Namjoon upstairs, where they gently knocked on his door.
“Kookie? Can we come in?”

He heard a mumble of assent and pushed open the door, finding Jungkook sitting forlornly at
his desk doing some homework. Jin took a seat on the edge of his bed while Namjoon leaned
against Jungkook’s dresser. “Are you doing okay? You’ve hardly said a word the last couple
of days.”

Jungkook’s gaze shifted around the room and he fidgeted nervously. His two front teeth
chewed the bottom of his lip. Jin waited patiently.

“I-

Jungkook began before shutting his mouth and fiddling with the sleeve of the oversized
hoodie he was wearing, one that no doubt belonged to one of his brothers.

“I like living here.” Jungkook said eventually.

“Okay. And what about living with your father?” Jin prompted, knowing where the
conversation was heading. As part of social service’s requirements Jungkook had to do
various ‘trial runs’ of living at his father’s place. It would start out as day trips which
eventually became weekends and when school was on holiday, three to seven days in a row.

“I mean, it’s okay I guess but..but it’s not that I don’t like him..or, um,” Jungkook trailed off.

“It’s going to be a change, it will take some time to adjust,” Namjoon offered.

A shakiness entered Jungkook’s voice and his wide, innocent eyes shined with unshed tears.
“I d-don’t want to ch-change schools. Or s-soccer teams. And..and I don't want to leave
Jemma or Binky or anyone else.” Jungkook was crying in earnest now.

Jin let a few tears run down his face and he didn't even need to look at Namjoon to know he
was also crying. Goodbyes were hard. They’ve had to have this conversation with Jungkook
too many times now. “Oh, sweetheart, come here,” patting the bed. Jungkook got up, his arms
wrapped around himself self-consciously as he took a seat next to Jin. Namjoon came over
and sat on his other side so Jungkook was sandwiched between them. Jin rubbed Jungkook’s
back as his youngest slowly let his barriers fall and his crying turned into hiccupping sobs.
Even if Jungkook didn’t often cry, he was more sensitive than most people assumed at first
glance.

After all their tears eventually subsided Jin spoke up once again. “We love you very much
and you can always come visit. You can text us whenever you need anything or just want to
talk.”

Present

There was a frantic knocking on their bedroom door.

“Yes?” Jin called out already moving towards it, nerves tightening his stomach. Something
must be wrong with Jungkook. Another panic attack?

A frantic looking Hoseok stood on the other side of the door. “I can’t find my razor!” he
blurted out.

Jin rubbed a hand down his face. “What do you mean you can’t find it?”

“I used it in the shower like twenty minutes ago but I forgot it in there and when I
remembered and checked just now, it was gone. I already asked Yoongi and he said he hadn’t
grabbed it either. I’m sorry.” Hoseok babbled apologetically.

“It’s okay, Hobi, we’ll handle it.” Namjoon assured from where he stood behind Jin.

Hoseok tittered a moment longer, looking like he was on the verge of tears. “I’m sorry,” he
said again before fleeing back up the stairs.

“Jungkook took it?” Namjoon asked Jin wearily.

“Probably,” Jin sighed. He sounded tired and sad.

Namjoon took a moment to examine the purple semi-circles under Jin’s eyes. Namjoon knew
he didn’t look much better but Jin was the one that dealt with most of Jungkook’s outbursts
and panic attacks while Namjooon worked. “I’ll go talk to him. Why don’t you get some
rest?” he said gently.

Jin’s expression furrowed and he pinched the bridge of his nose. “Okay, call me if you need
me.”

Namjoon gave his own sigh and started trudging up the stairs to Jungkook’s bedroom, hoping
Jungkook hadn’t had the opportunity to use it yet. He caught a glimpse of Jimin’s eyes
glittering through his door that was cracked open. The split-second they made eye contact,
Jimin snapped it shut. Namjoon frowned. Besides Jungkook, Namjoon had been especially
worried about how Yoongi would cope with the entire ordeal, worried it might trigger him
back into bad habits. He wondered if Jimin was really the one he needed to be concerned
about. Lately their middle-child had been short-tempered, something that always happened
when he was stressed. It wasn’t something he could deal with right now, Jimin would need to
wait.

“Jungkook?” he knocked once he reached the youngest’s door, waiting patiently for an
answer. As far as he knew Jungkook had just taken the razor, he hadn’t actually used it yet.
He wasn’t inclined to barge in on him unnecessarily which would do nothing to de-escalate
the situation. After a few moments Jungkook opened the door, just barely.

“What?” he asked, his voice already sounding guilty to Namjoon’s ears. He had never been
that good of a liar and he still wasn’t able to wrap his head around the fact that Jungkook had
kept his abuse a secret so long.

“Can I come in?” Namjoon asked gently.

Jungkook grimaced but opened the door wider. He sat on the edge of his bed with his
shoulders hunched.

Namjoon closed the door behind him. Jungkook’s eyes flashed with fear.

“I’m not mad at you but I just need you to tell me honestly, did you take your brother’s razor
from the shower?”

Jungkook’s expression said it all but he still gave a defiant, “No.”

“Jungkook have you been wanting to hurt yourself? It won’t solve anything.” Namjoon said
as calmly and non-judgmentally as he could.

“You d-don’t understand,” Jungkook said, his voice hitching.

“Maybe I don’t, but you have to trust that I know this isn’t the answer, sweetheart.”

Jungkook sniffled a few more times, trying to get his breathing under control. When he
seemed a little calmer, Namjoon prodded again, “Can you tell me where you hid it?”
Jungkook looked down at his feet, tangling them together anxiously. Suddenly he got up and
marched over to his desk where whipped open the top drawer. He pulled out the razor and
practically flung it at Namjoon. “Here, are you happy now?”

Namjoon took a deep breath, putting it in his pocket. “Thank you, Kookie. How about you go
through some of the exercises your therapist gave you?”

“They’re stupid and won’t help.” Jungkook shot back.

“They won’t help if you don’t try them,” Namjoon said evenly.

“Whatever," Jungkook mumbled.

“I’ll leave you alone now but you have to leave your door open. I’ll check on you again
before bed, okay?” Namjoon said.

Jungkook neglected to reply, instead he looked like he was trying to a bore a hole into the
carpet with his eyes.

Namjoon left, this time not shutting the door behind him. He went further down the hall to
Hoseok’s and Yoongi’s room. Before he could even knock Hoseok whipped the door open.
His eyes were round and guilty as he asked, “Did you get it?”

In response Namjoon placed the razor into his hand. “Hide it well. I’ll get all of you a box
with a lock on it to store them when you don’t need them.”

Namjoon’s gaze drifted over Hoseok’s head to Yoongi who sat in front of his keyboard
looking troubled. “You okay there, Yoongi?”

“I’m fine,” the paler boy mumbled.

“Alright, I’m going downstairs. Don’t hesitate to come get me if you need anything else.”

As he walked back down the hallway, he sidestepped around Jemma who was eagerly
padding to Jungkook’s room now that his door was open. That was good. Jungkook was often
calmer with the animals around, especially the cat. They just needed to be patient with him.

Namjoon, however, felt shaken and restless. He was continually overwhelmed with how
helpless he was in this situation. He decided to go on a round of the house to check in on his
houseplants, something he always did when stressed. The amount of plants he had procured
over the years was impressive and it could easily keep him occupied for the better part of an
hour. He made his way back to his and Jin’s bathroom to start with the pink and green
hypoestes phyllostachya he kept in there. Not too long ago it had spider mites and Namjoon
barely managed to bring it back from the brink of death although such plants were hardy by
nature.

“Namjoon? Is everything okay?” Jin asked, following him into the bathroom.

“Yes, yes, he didn’t do anything. He gave me the razor and I told him to keep his door open.
I’ll check on him again when I’m done here,” Namjoon muttered as he squinted at the polka-
dot patterned leaves for imaginary pests.

“I mean is everything okay with you? It’s late, how about you come to bed instead?” Jin
suggested.

“I’m fine!” Namjoon suddenly exploded, whirling around to face his husband “Our son is the
one intent on cutting himself to ribbons because he was abused for months! I’m just waiting
for the suicide attempt!”

Jin eye’s widened, he physically recoiled and stumbled a few steps back.

Namjoon was seething. He couldn’t fix this but he could fight tooth and nail for permanent,
legal custody of Jungkook. He’d take his father to court if he had to. He’d take any other
‘relative’ that showed up to court. He’d even take Audrey or Ahmed to court if he had to. He
wasn’t going to let anyone take Jungkook away from him ever again.

The last week he and Jin had been working hard, once again, on the adoption paperwork for
Jungkook. They would’ve started it on day one of Jungkook’s return but everything had been
so chaotic and Jungkook needed them in the moment that they didn’t have the time to get the
process started. It also took his new caseworker Ahmed awhile to familiarize himself with
Jungkook’s history.

Namjoon ranted his plan to Jin, knowing he must look crazy as he pulled at his hair and
spittle flew out of his mouth.

“It doesn’t work like that, honey,” Jin said, trying to calm Namjoon down.

“You don’t know that! I’ll find a lawyer, I’ll find someone who knows what to do!”

“Namjoon, you know how much I want to adopt Jungkook-

Namjoon interrupted him. “Jin, we failed him. We didn’t try nearly hard enough to protect
him. We saw the red flags, the warning signs. And what did we do? Nothing. As far as I'm
concerned we’re just as responsible as anyone else in this mess for what happened to
Jungkook. But I’m not going to let it happen again. I refuse.”

“I know, Namjoon, believe me I know. We’re on the same side. Come to bed, you’re tired.
We can discuss this tomorrow.”

Namjoon sucked in a breath, prepared to go on another rage-fueled rant but all that left his
mouth was a weak cough. Which turned into a sob. And then there was another. And another.
And another. Until he was crying hard and ugly. Jin strode over and held him tight and
Namjoon gripped him back desperately, pulling his chest against his own with an almost
painful intensity. Namjoon didn’t lose his cool often, Jin tended to be the sensitive one. Still,
when his walls did crumble, they tended to collapse violently with a cloud of dust and pile of
rubble in its wake. Jin’s hand moved to the back of Namjoon’s head where it coaxed his face
against his broad shoulder.
“We’re a team, Namjoon. You don’t need to be strong all the time. You can rely on me. We’ll
figure this out,” Jin soothed.

---

“But you’ve lived with them longer than Jungkook! You know that they’re not bad people!”

His wife, Marielle had a hysterical edge to her voice. Jungkook’s father couldn’t believe his
ears. She had been asking him to put in a good word for her sons when everything came to a
trial.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” he asked. “They raped him, Mari! They assault children!
And they were selling drugs! How could you possibly defend them?”

“Because they’re my children! What would you do if it was Jungkook being accused?”

“You’re out of your fucking mind! You’re just as crazy as your fucking sons! Jungkook was
the one who was hurt. He would never…he would never do what your psychopath children
have done.”

Marielle was sobbing uncontrollably at this point, trying to hold on to any thread of her
former life. Jungkook’s father believed that she had no idea what had been happening and
that was why they were still together as they learned more and more about the evils that had
occurred under their very noses. She was just as blind-sided by the whole situation. But he
had never expected her to take their side. They were monsters, whether they were her
children or not.

“You disgust me,” he said and slammed the door of the ratty motel they had been staying in
while their house was under seizure from the police. He was never going to come back for
her. He would never go back to their home. He would wash himself clean of her and her
family. He owed it to Jungkook, if his son was ever going to trust him again.

He was determined to help Jungkook and would do it alone if he had to. He would get a new
place for just the two of them. Somewhere nicer, where Jungkook could heal in peace. He
knew social services had whisked him away to that foster family again but now that his own
innocence in the whole situation was pretty much proven there should still be some
possibility that he could regain custody of his son. He felt like he had failed Jungkook so
many times now but he would fight until the end for Jungkook’s safety and well-being. He
wanted to give Jungkook the home he himself had never had. He just hoped it wasn’t too late.

After he was calmer from his falling out with Marielle and checked into another, equally
rundown motel, he pulled out his phone to dial social services.

---

Jungkook listened to the echoes of Jin and Taehyung’s conversation bouncing off the walls as
the flare of jealousy in his chest grew hotter.

“Tae, what time is your dad picking you and Jimin up? Eleven?”
“No, ten-thirty.”

“You won’t be home for dinner, right?”

“Nah we’re gonna go to a restaurant after the movie with his brother.”

“Oh which movie?”

“The new Marvel one.”

“I think Hoseok and Yoongi are seeing it tomorrow with their friends. So no spoilers. Make
sure to take a house key in case you get back late.”

Jungkook pulled the blanket tighter around himself. Everyone just loved Taehyung so much.
His bio-family weren’t complete fuck-ups. Jungkook didn’t have anyone. It would be easier
if he just died like his mom.

“You look like you’re constipated,” came a deep drawl and Jungkook looked up to see
Yoongi standing over him.

“Shut up.” Jungkook said, turning around so he faced the couch cushions.

“It was a joke,” Yoongi said in lieu of an apology.

“Go away,” Jungkook snapped.

“It’s the living room,” Yoongi pointed out.

If Jungkook had the energy he would go to his room but he didn’t so he curled up tighter.
“Leave me alone.”

“Jungkook…” Yoongi said his voice softer.

Jungkook remained silent and stubborn.

“Do you want to come see the movie with Hobi and I tomorrow?”

Jungkook swallowed thickly. He did. If he wasn’t so crazy Tae probably would’ve invited
him to go with him and Jimin today. Jungkook wanted to spend time with them again. He
wanted things to be normal. But he knew he couldn’t accept Yoongi’s offer no matter how
much he wanted to.

“No. Thank you.” Jungkook forced himself to croak out before closing his eyes pointedly.

Yoongi hovered a moment longer before sighing and retreating. Only after his footsteps faded
did Jungkook allow a lonely tear to escape his eyelid.

TV and movies were one thing they could do as a family that, usually, wouldn’t dissolve into
arguments or competitions. Just the other day when everyone else was out of the house for
school and work him and Jin had been watching some family sitcom and the daughter had
snuck her boyfriend into her room. They started making out on her bed and Jungkook began
sweating buckets as the laugh-track played in the background like it was mocking him. He
knew it was just acting. He knew it was just a cheesy teenage romance scene with nothing
even coming close to nudity but he hadn’t been able to breathe properly and it was just so
reminiscent of what Jonathon and Kevin had done in the beginning before everything had
escalated.

“Hey, it’s okay, it’s not real Kookie,” Jin had said, flicking the TV off as soon as he realized
what was happening. Jungkook managed to avoid a full on meltdown but he was still
embarrassed.

If a tame, consensual fictional scene in what was generally considered a wholesome family
show set him off like that how could he ever have a normal relationship? He couldn’t even
trust himself to go to the movies with his brothers and sit through the mandatory romance
subplot without breaking down. His heart ached with resentment at the normalcy his brothers
could enjoy and how they enjoyed it without him.

---

The next day Jungkook sighed dramatically, burrowing deeper under his blankets, trying to
look as miserable as possible in the hopes that Jin would come up to check on him and
comfort him. He wished he was a little kid again. Sure enough, soon Jin came to see if he was
awake, knocking on the door and calling his name before entering. It was a nice change from
Jonathon or Kevin who would let themselves in at any time or hour without asking for
permission.

“Jungkook? It’s almost noon, time to get up.”

“I don’t want to,” Jungkook whined. “I’m tired.”

“You’re tired because you haven’t moved around enough. You’ll feel better once you get
your blood pumping.”

Jungkook groaned and hid his face in his pillow, refusing to move. Jin sighed before coming
over. Jungkook could sense him hovering and he felt sad knowing that Jin was scared to
touch him. Not that he wasn’t without good reason - Jungkook felt ashamed at how many
times he had shied away or flinched unnecessarily. After a couple more moments of
hesitation, Jin sat down on the edge of his bed and started combing his fingers through his
hair. Jungkook let himself relax. He wanted to stay like this forever, with nothing to do and
surrounded by people who actually cared about him.

“You can’t stay in bed all day, Kookie,” Jin said after a couple minutes of peaceful silence.
He stood up and Jungkook felt actual, sincere tears form in his eyes even though he had just
been pretending to be worse than he was. He gave a watery sniff and Jin turned around in
surprise.

“Oh, sweetheart, what’s wrong?” Jin asked returning to his side.

Jungkook didn’t reply because he didn’t even know what was wrong. He sat upright, wiping
his face with his sleeve, even as more tears leaked from his eyes. Jin sat again on the bed and
Jungkook leaned forward, wrapping him in a side hug as he cried into his shoulder. It wasn’t
a violent sobbing like his panic attacks, he just cried softly for a couple minutes until they
died down into hiccups. Jin rubbed his back gently.

“Feeling better?” Jin asked.

Jungkook sniffled one last time, “I guess,” he said.

“It’s a nice day out, how about we go for a walk in the forest?” Jin suggested.

“Okay,” Jungkook said.

“Alright, get ready and come downstairs when you’re done,” Jin said.

As soon as Jin left, Jungkook beelined for the shower. It always took him around forty-five
minutes until he felt comfortable enough to get out. He was only allowed to shower once a
day now because they took so long since, without fail, every time he used up all the hot
water. Afterwards, he bundled up in a lot of layers, even if the day was clear the air was
frosty. He hoped it would snow soon and coat the earth with a clean, sparkling blanket. He
swiped a beanie from Taehyung and Jimin’s room before making his way down to the
kitchen.

“Eat lunch and then we can go,” Jin said from the granite-tiled kitchen island where he was
marinating chicken for dinner. “You can have leftovers from last night.”

Jungkook sighed. He wasn’t hungry and eating was quickly becoming one of his least
favorite parts of his day. Jin and Namjoon were particularly worried about his low appetite
and would watch him like a hawk at mealtimes to make sure he got the bare minimum
amount of calories. Their gazes made him uncomfortable because Jonathon had always been
reminding him to skip lunch so he could stay small, threatening that he would know if he
didn’t. But Jonathon was in jail. He couldn’t know. And even then he had been lying because
there was no way he could’ve watched Jungkook in the school cafeteria during lunchbreak.
Regardless, Jungkook had gotten used to not eating it.

Jungkook didn’t miss the way Jin’s face pinched in worry at the portion size Jungkook
scooped onto his plate, though he personally thought it was more than adequate. He braced
himself for a lecture on how he had already missed breakfast so he should ‘eat more than
that’, but thankfully it didn’t come and Jungkook was left to heat up his small square of
lasagna in peace.

When he was done, it sat heavy like a stone in his stomach and Jungkook regretted eating at
all.

“Alright, ready to go?” Jin asked.

“Are we taking Binky?” Jungkook asked.

 “Sure, he’s in the bedroom,” Jin said.

Jungkook entered the room to find him slumbering peacefully on the dog bed in the corner. It
reminded Jungkook how tired he was and he swore he felt his legs grow even heavier at Jin’s
voice calling him from the entryway. He just wanted to sleep.

“C’mon Binky,” Jungkook said, nudging him with his foot until the dog awoke with a gaping
yawn.

“Yeah that’s how I feel too,” Jungkook muttered as he dragged himself to where Jin waited
by the front door. But Binky was full of optimism even when he was half-asleep and his tail
wagged eagerly as he saw Jin with the leash. Jin opened the front door and Binky trotted out
happily. Jungkook flinched at the burst of cold, crisp air. He wondered if he could convince
Jin that he was sick so that he could go back to bed. But then Jin turned back to look at him,
his eyes worried but hopeful and his nose already turning pink from the chill. Jungkook
gritted his teeth as he shuffled out into the frigid air, the sunshine and blue sky deceiving
against the bitter cold.

Chapter End Notes

Yikes I just reread this after posting and there were so many embarrassing spelling and
grammatical errors! Please don't hesitate to comment if you catch an error, I would
really appreciate it!
 Chapter 9
Chapter Notes

Please mind the tags!

See the end of the chapter for more notes

“There,” Jonathon said standing up as he finished tying the last knot. “I’ll be back later.
Behave.”

Jungkook whimpered from behind the gag. Jonathon was leaving? Where was he going? He
was terrified of Jonathon but his fear of being left without him or Kevin and only a bunch of
strangers was even greater. These days Jonathon didn’t touch him as much unless he was
high. He mostly stayed to supervise and film and would tell the men to back off when they
went to do something that would leave visible bruises.

Jonathon either didn’t hear or didn’t care about his involuntary whimper and went out
through the metal keypad-locked door without a backward glance.

Two hours later and Jungkook was alone and shivering, curled on his side on the blue
gymnastics mat. He was still naked and even though his wrists were no longer tied, nor was
the gag around his mouth, he couldn’t bring himself to get up. His limbs felt like jelly. The
objects in the room slid in and out of focus and colors that weren’t normally etched into the
gray cinderblock walls danced across his vision. The fluid he could feel between his legs –
was some of it blood again? - was drying and even through the haze he could feel the all-too-
familiar burning sensation. He started to register more unpleasant sensations as the buzzing in
his mind and muscles started to fade. He hurt. His abdomen ached where he could vaguely
recall them punching repeatedly. As much as Jungkook hated being drugged he also hated
being lucid for everything.

He heard the beep of the pin-code being punched in and the squeal of the door as it opened.
He curled as tight as the pain allowed.

“Jungkook?” Jonathon asked. Jungkook relaxed slightly at the voice, finding comfort in the
fact it was just him, not the men from earlier.

“They left his face alone, right?” Kevin asked.

Jungkook kept his eyes screwed shut as he felt Jonathon and Kevin crouch down by him.
“Look he’s bleeding,” Kevin said, confirming Jungkook’s earlier suspicions.

“Go get his robe,” Jonathon ordered as he cautiously brushed Jungkook’s hair away from his
forehead.
Kevin stood up, knees popping, “He doesn’t need, like, a hospital or something right?” he
asked nervously.

“No, he’s fine. Right Kookie?” Jonathon asked. Jungkook used to hate how Jonathon used
the nickname that was reserved for Jin, Joon, and his brothers. But right now it felt a little
comforting. Familiar.

“Mmh,” Jungkook agreed, still feeling out of it from whatever they made him take.

“Okay then, why don’t you sit up for me?” Jonathon ordered, hoisting him upright by his
armpits. The movement sent a flash of pain to all the injuries littering his body and Jungkook
sobered significantly, whimpering as a few tears leaked down his face.

“Hey now, it’s okay,” Jonathon consoled him. Jungkook leaned forward, his face pressing
against his stepbrother’s shoulder.

“You left me!” Jungkook sobbed.

“I know, I know, I’m sorry. I had a job to do.” Jonathon said, rubbing his back. By the next
day or so Jungkook would feel a wave of self-hatred at how pitifully he sought comfort in
Jonathon but he always felt so fragile, physically and emotionally, in the time after the
recordings. It ignited a childish, instinctive need to be held. Jonathon sensed this and even
encouraged it sometimes, either because some part of him actually cared about Jungkook or
more likely he knew it kept Jungkook quiet.

“Here,” Kevin said, wrapping the bathrobe around Jungkook’s shoulders and helping him
guide his arms through the sleeves. They usually let him wear the robe before and after a
shoot, until he got cleaned up and could put on his normal clothes again.

“Let’s take him to the bathroom,” Jonathon said. “Can you walk?”

“Mmh,” Jungkook mumbled again.

Kevin and Jonathon got on either side of him, each with an arm looped around his shoulders
and hoisted him upright. Jungkook’s legs dangled uselessly beneath him.

Kevin swore.

“Hey, calm down, he said he’s okay. I’ll just carry him,” Jonathon said.

Then, Jungkook was man-handled so he was draped across Jonathon’s back as they started
traipsing up the stairs. “Keep your eyes closed, Kookie,” Jonathon reminded him.

Jungkook hummed again and hid his face into Jonathon’s shoulder, exhaustion dragging him
down even though he’d been drifting in and out of unconscious for who knows how long. He
didn’t think he could open his eyes if he wanted to. His bed sounded so nice. A couple
minutes later he felt himself being deposited onto the cool tiles of the bathroom floor and he
managed to peel his eyes open now that it was safe to look. Jungkook never really knew
where he was but the bathroom was as familiar to him as the basement room downstairs. It
was a multiple-stalled generic restroom like you’d find in any school or office building.
Jungkook let himself remain limp and pliable as they wiped away the various substances
between his legs. He let them blot his face and apply some sort of cream to the bruises on his
torso and legs. Jonathon briefly examined the cuts on his arms that Jungkook had made
himself, tapping near one that Jungkook had created a few days back. “You need to stop
doing this, Jungkook. People will worry and the customers don’t like it.”

Kevin handed him a bottle of water and Jungkook chugged nearly the entire thing before
setting it down, not realizing how thirsty he was until it was presented to him.

“Feeling better?” Jonathon asked.

“Yes,” Jungkook managed to croak out.

“When are Junghwan and mom getting home?” Kevin asked.

“Mom’s going out to dinner with friends. His dad is working late, we have time. Go clean up
downstairs and I’ll take Jungkook home.” Jonathon ordered.

Kevin huffed, his face pinching in disgust but didn’t argue, obediently leaving the restroom
without another word. Part of Jungkook was curious about Jonathon and Kevin’s dynamic. It
was clear Jonathon was the leader and Kevin often seemed to be as obedient as he had
become.

“Let’s get you dressed Kookie,” Jonathon said undoing the robe and holding out the stack of
clothes he’d came with.

“You left me,” Jungkook accused again. His bottom lip wobbled. His head hurt.

“I said I was sorry, didn’t I? How about I buy you a Nintendo Switch, you said you wanted
one didn’t you? Anyways, those guys are getting blacklisted, I specifically told them to not
rough you up so much.” Jonathon said.

Jungkook didn’t know what to say to that so he stiffly maneuvered into his own clothes with
Jonathon’s help, no longer feeling humiliated at the actions because it was just a drop in the
bucket compared to everything else. When he was done, Jonathon held out a couple pills and
the rest of the water bottle. Jungkook hadn’t questioned it for a long time. He’d been terrified
the first time but soon learned it was just a generic pain reliever and sleeping medication so
he could sleep off his injuries and more importantly not bother anyone once they got home.

He swallowed the pills and Jonathon helped him up. He could walk now, albeit on shaky legs.

“Close your eyes,” Jonathon ordered again as they left the restroom. Jungkook had already
shut them, used to the routine and not feeling any curiosity of where they were anyways. In
the beginning Jonathon had tied a blindfold around his eyes, not allowing him to take it off
until they were well on their way home. They walked for a minute or so through the building,
then a door was opened and the temperature here was always cooler but it didn’t feel like
outside so Jungkook always assumed it was some sort of garage. Jonathon deposited him into
the passenger seat and buckled his seatbelt for him and Jungkook finally let his head loll to
the side, relaxing as the medication and his own fatigue kicked in.
The next thing he knew he was in his bed at his father’s house. He could never remember
getting there, pretty much always sleeping on the drive and too groggy and disoriented when
Jonathon would shake him awake and help him inside. Jungkook nestled further into the
blankets, drifting back to sleep, his last thought being how it was almost eight months of
living with his bio-father and three months since he’d last seen Jin, Joon, or his brothers.

---

Jin and Namjoon had been called back to the police station due to some new evidence and Jin
had been vibrating with anxiety ever since they got the call, an icy terror permeating every
cell of his body. He’d started shaking so much that Namjoon had told him he wasn’t allowed
to drive them to the station. So Jin sat in the passenger’s seat, trying and failing to voice his
worries as Namjoon shot him a concerned glance every few seconds. Last time was just so
horrible and even though Jin knew it was naïve he hoped they wouldn’t have to be involved
in the case and evidence any more than they had to.

Jin just couldn’t wrap his around the situation. He was a guy who was moderately into
politics and social justice initiatives. He’d read articles that explained how crime was rarely
linked to malintent but rather a need for basic necessities for survival. But this? What these
people did to Jungkook and other children was purely out of sadistic enjoyment. It was the
literal definition of evil. He didn’t understand how people could be like that, could want to be
like that.

“Jungkook’s safe now. Whatever they want to show us, whether Jungkook is in it or not, he’s
not there anymore. He’s with us.” Namjoon reminded Jin softly.

Jin blinked. Namjoon must be able to read his mind after all these years.

“I know, b-b-but-

Jin stuttered off, unable to complete his thought. Namjoon sighed and reached over, taking
one of his hands in his own and they spent the rest of the drive in silence.

They met with the social services’ lawyer before entering the building.

“We’re not under investigation are we?” Namjoon asked him.

“No, I don’t believe so. This meeting is more of a safety precaution.”

Jin’s brow furrowed in confusion. Once inside, an officer they hadn’t met before lead them to
another room and Jin’s insides coiled as the police woman sitting in it brought out a tablet
upon their arrival. He wasn’t sure if he would be able to handle seeing another photo or video
of Jungkook being abused.

“You said Jungkook never confided in you or asked for help?” the officer asked after
formalities had been exchanged.

“No,” Namjoon said, eyes narrowing. They’d been over this already. Despite what his lawyer
had said, this sure sounded like an investigation.
“Did Jungkook ever ask you for money while he was living with his father?”

“No.”

“We found a video where your names were mentioned,” the officer said. Jin was rooted to his
seat in terror. “The individuals in the video heard your names so there’s a chance they may
have figured out who you are. If you’ve seen any of them please let us know.”

“Is…is Jungkook in the video too?” Namjoon asked.

“Yes, it was one of the recorded child abuse sessions filmed in the property rental we
mentioned last time.”

That was all the warning they got before the officer flipped around the tablet and pressed
play. Jin’s heart was pulsing nauseatingly in his throat.

Jungkook was lying on a table that had been in the room. His clothes were still on but his
expression was terrified. Someone who’s arms were only visible was pinning Jungkook’s
hands above his head. A new hand entered the video, someone with darker skin and Jin broke
out in a cold sweat as he ran his hand over Jungkook’s chest, on top of his clothes before
slipping it underneath his shirt. Jin would kill those men if he ever saw them. If he knew who
those hands belonged to. How dare they. How dare they hurt anyone, much less a little kid,
his kid like that.

“Please s-stop,” Jungkook stuttered as tears leaked out of his eyes and trailed down his
temples to disappear into his hairline.

There was an exasperated sigh off-screen and a second later Jonathon appeared in the shot.
With the angle they could only see the back of his head and part of his shoulder, but Jin knew
it was him. The hatred bubbling in his gut melted some of the ice freezing his veins.

“You have to behave,” Jonathon warned.

The one man continued to pin Jungkook down while the other continued to run his hands
inappropriately over Jungkook’s body although it was now partially obscured by Jonathon’s
shoulders.

“P-please, you know, J-jin and Nam-j-joon…they have m-money. They’ll p-pay you if I ask.
P-please j-j-just let me a-ask th-them.” Jungkook begged.

Jin clapped a hand over his mouth as he fought to not throw up or start screaming. Oh god.
Jungkook had wanted to confide in them so badly. He was begging with his abusers and he
and Namjoon had had no idea.

“These people are paying for you.” Jonathon said coldly. “You know what I’ll do if you tell
anyone.”

“P-please,” Jungkook cried again.

“Jesus Christ. Listen, those fake-parents of yours don’t and didn’t care about you. They only
kept you for so long because your father forgot about you for years and social services pay
families to take in foster kids. Now that you don’t live with them they’re not getting any
money, so no, they couldn’t and wouldn’t pay for you. So just shut the fuck up.”

Jonathon had shifted and now Jungkook’s face was completely visible and he had gone
completely still and white as a sheet, his eyes wide.

“Who is he talking about?” one of the men asked.

“Just some homos who he lived with for a while, it doesn’t matter.” Jonathon said.

There was a chuckle. “So they got to have him first, when he was even younger? I’m
jealous.”

“We’ll have to make up for lost time,” another said.

Jin gagged and had to physically swallow to push back down the contents of his stomach. He
couldn’t seem to look away from Jungkook. Jungkook was visibly shaking, his throat
bobbing up and down as he screwed his eyes shut.

The officer stopped the video and Jin didn’t miss how the loading bar suggested the video
was much, much longer. She put the tablet away and Jin glanced at Namjoon whose horrified
expression remained fixed to the table where the tablet had just been.

“I-I need to use the…the r-restroom,” Jin croaked.

The detective looked at him with concern and shot a glance at the officer sitting next to her.

“Sure, right this way,” the young man said. He escorted Jin down the hallway and Jin all but
practically dove into the bathroom before vomiting into the toilet. It was hard to breathe and
he felt disconnected from reality as his vision darkened around the edges and the tiles of the
floor blurred. He felt like he was going to faint.

“Jin? Seokjin? Honey, it’s okay, try to breathe.”

Jin didn’t know when Namjoon had gotten there but he needed his husband so badly. He
could only grip the edge of the toilet seat with ashen hands as Namjoon patted his back and
whispered to him. After managing to get a few deep breaths, he stood shakily to his feet.

“Honey are you okay? You can sit down longer if you need to.”

“I’m fine,” Jin wheezed as he tottered over to the sink. He washed his hands before splashing
icy water on his face and using the scratchy paper towel to scrub it dry. So that was what a
panic attack felt like. That feeling was only a fraction of what Jungkook had been dealing
with until the psychiatrist’s prescriptions slowly turned him into a zombie.

“Jin-
“I said I’m fine!” Jin snapped. “Let’s just get this over with,” he added in a quieter,
apologetic tone.

Namjoon looked into his eyes for a long second before nodding.

They were escorted back to the small office where the officer regarded them sympathetically.
“I know it’s difficult but we want to ensure your family and Jungkook’s safety. It isn’t much
to go off of but if any of the voices sounded familiar or you’ve noticed anything or anyone
odd please don’t hesitate to contact us.”

“The only one we recognized was Jonathon,” Namjoon said. “Should we be worried?”

“No, I wouldn’t. This is more of a safety precaution than anything. We don’t believe this
video, or at least not this part, was posted online since it contained your real names and
would be a greater risk for them to get caught.”

Jin swallowed. It was terrifying to know that the people in the video had heard their names
and knew of their connection to Jungkook. Sure, their last names hadn’t been mentioned but
how many ‘Jins’ and ‘Namjoons’ were there in this city? What if one of the men was really
desperate for money and looked them up? They wouldn’t be that hard to find with the amount
of information on the internet these days. Hell, Namjoon had his full name with a photo and
short bio on the website for the physical therapy center he worked at.

The physical abuse Jungkook endured was already bad enough but the psychological damage
scared him even more. It wasn’t true, what Jonathon had said. Jin would’ve emptied his
savings account in a second and donated his kidney if it meant they could’ve helped
Jungkook earlier. Since coming back to live with them Jungkook had said a couple things
here and there, insinuating that they only took in him for the money. The words had stung but
at the time Jin thought that Jungkook was just lashing out after having been made to stay
silent for so long. But did Jungkook actually believe what Jonathon had said? That they
didn’t love him? They only took care of him for the small amount of money they received
from the government every month? Did Jungkook believe he meant that little to them?

“Is that everything?” Namjoon asked warily, interrupting Jin’s thoughts. “We haven’t noticed
anything odd.”

Jin let Namjoon handle the conversation as he still didn’t trust himself to speak.

The officer cleared her throat, “We also finished searching through the contents on
Jungkook’s phone and computer. Nothing relevant to the investigation was discovered so you
can bring them home with you today if you’d like. You can also go to the residence he was
living in previously to get his belongings there, just call us,” she slid a business card over,
“and an officer will meet you there and let you in.

The officer smiled at them but Jin could hardly feel like they were ending the meeting on a
good note. With a strained smile of his own, Jin took the devices she pulled out of a box on
the floor.

---
“Look what I got, Kookie,” Jin sang out, knocking on the door as he entered.

“What?” Jungkook asked.

“Your computer and phone,” Jin said, placing them on his desk.

“Oh,” was all Jungkook said. He thought he would be excited. He should be. Despite
everything that had happened to him he had felt an acute sense of loss and anxiety when he
realized he didn’t have his phone with him when the police took him to the hospital. A
feeling of dread began to form like a block of ice in his stomach at what it meant that Jin had
his belongings. “You…you talked to the police?” Jungkook asked, unable to keep the strain
out of his voice. They never told if and when they went to the police station but he knew they
had to at some point.

“Not really, they just called me to pick these up,” Jin said.

“Okay…” Jungkook said, not entirely believing him.

JIn’s face fell, obviously disappointed he didn’t get a happier reaction out of him. “They’re
dead so I got you some knew chargers,” Jin continued, placing the new, still-packaged cords
on top of the laptop.

“Thank you,” Jungkook said robotically.

“They also said we can go to your father’s house and get the rest of your stuff. Is that
something you would want to do?”

“Oh...oh. Um, sure, okay.“

“Great, Ahmed will be there too. He said he’s free to do it tomorrow afternoon.”

“Not Audrey?” Jungkook asked. He missed her. He hated that he was probably the reason she
wasn’t around anymore. He doubted she was going to come back. Just like so many other
people in his life. He didn’t know exactly how her job worked but he doubted they reassigned
children to new case workers just for the fun of it.

“No, I think she’s busy with other things,” Jin said. Jungkook remained silent. “Alright, well
I’ll leave you be for now. Come get me if you need anything, okay Kookie?”

“Okay.” Jungkook replied. He knew that was code for Jin being worried he was going to cut
himself. He wasn’t sure what he had done to make Jin think that because he’d been staying
quietly his room all day. Jin pointedly left the bedroom door open as he left. Jungkook sighed
and eyed his phone and computer apprehensively. He’d gotten used to being disconnected
from the world and it was scary to face it again, even online. Still, he opened the packages of
the chargers and plugged both devices in.

A few hours later which he mostly spent napping, Jungkook powered on his phone. His heart
sank as he found only a handful of unread messages. He’d not only cut off everyone at Jin
and Joon’s house but all his old friends and classmates as well. He never really made any
friends at his new school. He did have some unread notifications from his former best friend
Jacob and some old soccer teammates but that wasn’t all that surprising. He perked up when
he realized he had a couple messages from another one his old friends, Mia.

They had had a couple classes together before Jungkook left and moved in with his father.
She also did soccer and was on the basketball team in the winter. One of her friends had
whispered to him that she wanted him to ask her to spring dance. His own friends had been
pestering him to ask her out for weeks. But then he left and nothing from his old life had
mattered anymore.

He pulled up the first message on his phone. It was dated only one day after the police took
him away.

Mia: Hi Jungkook I know we haven’t talked in a while. Hope u like ur new school. I miss u.
do u want to come to my bday party next weekend?

Mia also had a September birthday. Jungkook suddenly felt like crying. A birthday party
would’ve been something normal. It would’ve been fun. He would’ve seen a lot of his old
friends.

The next message was from the Monday after the aforementioned weekend.

Mia: I hope this is still ur number and ur doing ok

Jungkook steeled himself and moved his thumbs over the keys, the muscle memory of texting
not gone despite going more than two months without it.

Jungkook: hey sorry I didn't reply. i moved back in w my foster parents and didn't have my
phone. Happy really belated birthday

His heart was hammering in his chest when the read receipt turned on a few moments later.

Mia: oh, I hope everything is ok. R u coming back to school then?

Jungkook’s face twisted into a grimace. School? While he hadn’t ever really been bullied
while living with Jin and Joon, there'd already been more than one bit of gossip floating
around about his foster status and unconventional family. He didn’t want to find out what
would happen if he returned now. He’d somehow managed to not think about school that
much in the last couple of months, nor did Jin or Joon ever bring it up except for some
tentative questions about how school had been while at his father’s.

Mia: btw my bday was fun, ty. We should hang out sometime :)

Jungkook: oh, good :) idk about school yet ill let u know

Jungkook was careful to go back and manually lowercase all the letters in his message to
make it seem casual and carefree. Like he was fine. Like he was normal. Like he was still the
Jungkook that Mia and all his other friends used to know.

---
On Wednesday afternoon, as planned, he went to his father's house with Namjoon, Jin and
Ahmed. One of the front windows was broken but a tarp had been pinned over the hole from
the inside. An officer met them at the front door where he pulled aside the police tape and
unlocked it. Jungkook avoided looking at the man’s face and hoped he wasn’t one of the
officers who had found him so pathetically that day. His mind was quickly wiped clean of the
officer when he was met with the sight of the living room as he entered. It looked like a
tornado had blown through or like a robbery. Ironically, it was the police who had gone
through everything in their search. Jungkook swallowed audibly, more affected by the mess
than he thought he would be. He recalled the first night after formally moving in.

“I know it’s not much, Jungkook,” his father said apologetically after Jungkook finished
unpacking. “I didn’t come from much and to be honest I never imagined I would even ever be
able to own a house one day.” His father paused and laid a hand on his shoulder, “We’ll
work together to make it a home. And I know one day you’ll move out and do even better than
me. Breaking the cycle and moving on to greener pastures and all that, eh?”

“Sure,” Jungkook had said lamely, still not really sure how to interact with his father even
though he knew he meant well.

And now the house was a crime scene and broken and destroyed. Jungkook didn’t even know
where his father was staying now. Was he still with Marielle? Honestly, Jungkook couldn’t
say if he actually loved his father or not, but seeing the home that his father worked so hard
for turned to this made his stomach knot up. Jungkook felt a wave of guilt crash over him at
the realization that he had hardly thought about his father since the police came that day. His
throat tightened further and his eyes swelled with tears.

“Jungkook, sweetheart, do you want to go wait in the car with me? Namjoon and Ahmed can
get your things.” Jin said to him quietly.

“It’s not…” Jungkook tried to explain but he didn’t think he could and he didn’t know what
to say regardless.

Jungkook knew the shabby house in the subpar neighborhood wasn’t up to the standards of
people like Jin or Joon but this was ‘making it’ for his father. He’d lost everything he worked
for – his home, Jungkook, and probably his marriage. Would his father go back to drinking to
cope? Was it Jungkook’s fault if he did?

“I’m fine,” was all Jungkook ended up saying as he trudged through the carnage to his room.
Thankfully the mess wasn’t as bad in here.

“Is it okay if we start with your closet?” Namjoon asked as the trio of adults followed him.

“Sure, whatever,” said Jungkook, beelining to his bed. The boxes he had stored under it had
their contents upturned and dumped all over the floor. He started rummaging through the pile.
Some of it was video games or his old Yu-gi-oh cards. He found what he was looking for as
he set aside a pile of winter clothing. He held the bear up gently, fighting the urge to hug it to
his chest like a toddler. His mom had given it to him as a housewarming gift the first night he
went to live with her. He’d named it ‘Honey’. He didn’t really think much about his mom
either anymore and his memories of her were hazy. If it weren’t for the few photos he had of
her he’d probably have forgotten what she looked like. Every now and then he felt a little
ache when his friends with normal families would talk about their moms. Although he didn’t
really feel like the bear represented his mom or anything, it was a comfort and had followed
him to all of his homes. He’d spent more than one night with it clutched against his chest
even if he would never admit that out loud. He swallowed thinking of the time when he was
still living here and he had returned from the bathroom to find Jonathon standing in the
middle of his room. That was never a good sign and immediately Jungkook had grown
clammy and apprehensive.

“What do you want?” Jungkook had asked, shoulders hunched as he stared at the cheap,
rough carpet.

“What are you doing Friday after school?” Jonathon questioned.

“I'm busy. I told you already, remember? I’m going to Jin and Joon’s house this weekend.”
Jungkook said, a note of desperation entering his voice.

“Well, tell them you can’t come, that you’re sick. I have a job for you.” Jonathon said, clearly
amused at Jungkook’s obvious fear.

“I can’t...” Jungkook tried to bolster himself to stand up to Jonathon, “I can’t do that. They’ll
worry. They’ll get suspicious.”

Jonathon made the few steps over to where Jungkook stood and ruffled his hair. Jungkook
leaned back but kept his feet rooted to the spot, unsure if backing away would get him in
more trouble. “There’s nothing suspicious about being sick,” Jonathon said, his tone friendly,
“Either you tell them that or I’ll give you something that will actually make you sick.”

Jungkook bit his trembling lip and tried to hold back his tears. Jonathon turned away from
him, his eyes scanning the bedroom. They landed on the teddy bear half-hidden underneath
his rumpled bed sheets.

“This is cute,” Jonathon commented, striding over and picking it up. His eyes were
narrowed, calculating formulas Jungkook didn’t understand. Usually he kept it hidden under
his bed and only pulled it out at night because he knew he was too old to sleep with stuffed
animals.

“Please,” Jungkook began, his voice coming at as a hoarse croak, “put that down.”

Jonathon walked back over to him and held the bear out to him, “Here.”

Jungkook accepted it with trembling hands and shaking arms, clutching it to his chest as he
fought off his panic.

“It makes you look younger,” Jonathon commented thoughtfully.

That was always the thing, the younger the better. He wasn’t allowed to eat lunch anymore
because it kept him smaller. How much was Jonathon going to take from him?
“Please, please I’ll do what you say and tell my family I’m sick. Just let me leave this here.
I’ll go to the store and buy another one. Please.” Jungkook begged.

Jonathon pretended to mull it over for a few seconds before letting a dramatic sigh escape his
lips. “I’m your family now,” Jonathon reminded, “But I guess we can get a different stuffed
animal to use, there’s probably better ones at the store anyways. This one is ugly and worn
out.”

He patted Jungkook’s head condescendingly one more time before he left, shutting the door
behind him. Jungkook continued to tremble from head to toe in the middle of his bedroom,
nearly hyperventilating with the bear held against his chest for a long time after that.

Jungkook fought to shake off the bad memories and gently put the bear in the bag of things to
take back to Jin and Joon’s. When no one was looking he snatched the Ziplock bag
containing a couple razor blades stashed deep under the bed and slipped it into the inner
pocket of one of his winter jackets. He folded it into the bag on top of his bear and then piled
the rest of the winter clothing on top of that. He rifled through the things a bit longer before
pulling out his Nintendo switch. He’d only touched it a couple times since he got it just a
week before the police came.

Not wanting anything else, he turned to his dresser. The top was line with trophies from when
he did sports and was popular and had friends and a social life. He ignored them. He opened
the top drawer, his sock and underwear drawer, only to find the latter was missing. He felt
queasy at the thought of the police taking them as evidence. He slammed it shut without even
grabbing his socks and moved on to the next one, trying to ignore the alternating, concerned
glances of Jin, Joon, and Ahmed.

---

The next day Jungkook sat down in the living room while Jin cleaned the kitchen to finally
start playing Hades. He was a little behind in the indie game scene since it had already been
out for a year but he’d been looking forward to it for a while.

“Is that a Switch? Where did you get that? Did your father buy it for you?” Jin asked as he
swept through the room with the vacuum.

Jungkook lowered the device, feeling both nervous and annoyed at Jin’s nosiness. “Jonathon
bought it for me,” he finally admitted.

Jin’s face paled and Jungkook looked away, knowing he had said the wrong thing. He held
the gaming device protectively against his chest. “I’m sorry,” he said automatically.

“No, no, sorry for interrupting you. Enjoy your game,” Jin said.

Jungkook watched him leave, unsure if he should he explain. Or if he even could explain.
Jungkook turned back to the screen, feeling guilty. Jonathon had been stingy with money in
the beginning but as time passed he became more…more..what? Generous? That didn't sound
like the correct way to describe someone as dangerous and crazy as Jonathon. But as cruel as
he could be, he had nice moments too. Not even a couple weeks before the police had barged
into his father’s house, when Jungkook had come home from school his stepbrother noticed
the sole of his shoe was steadily peeling away from the canvas body.

“Jungkook when was the last time you got shoes? You can’t walk around that like,” Jonathon
exclaimed.

“I dunno,” Jungkook mumbled, wanting to avoid his stepbrother as much as possible.

“Did your dad ever take you back-to-school shopping?” Jonathon asked.

Jungkook shook his head. The first semester of eight grade had started barely a month ago
and Jungkook was outgrowing a lot of his clothes and even his backpack was showing signs
of wear and tear. But then he had accidently overheard his father and Mari discussing budgets
so they could pay all the bills. Jungkook hadn’t understood everything they said but knew
enough to know that money was tight. So he decided to just shut up. Part of him had
considered asking Jin and Joon but Jungkook hadn’t talked to them for a couple months and
he wasn’t going to start by asking them to buy stuff for him.

“Come on,” Jonathon sighed, “I’ll take you out to buy what you need.”

Jungkook’s shoulders tensed, unsure if Jonathon was being sincere or was just messing with
him and they were actually going to go to that place.

It turned out, Jonathon really did just take him shopping. He got him two new pairs of shoes
– and cool ones at that. He let him pick out a new backpack and even some clothes. And
when they finally returned home, Jonathon didn’t even ask him for any ‘favors’. He just told
him to let him know if he needed anything else and then went to his room. Jungkook went to
his own bedroom, placing his purchases on the floor and stood their confused and bewildered
for a long time before finally blinking out of his daze and putting the things away.

Now, Jungkook stared at the gaming device in his hand, just as confused and with Jin’s
obvious discomfort only adding to it. Shame was quickly flooding every pore in his body. He
messed up somehow. He shut off the Switch and curled into a ball on the couch, hoping to
take a nap and that the embrace of unconsciousness would release him from all the emotions
that bounced around in his head. He was tired anyways and it didn’t take long for him to fall
asleep.

---

“Did you know that motherfucker bought Jungkook a Nintendo Switch?” Jin told Namjoon.
Sometimes Jin could bring himself to say Jonathon or Kevin’s name but today was not one of
those times.

Namjoon frowned. “No.”

“He must’ve grabbed it when we were at the house the other day. Seriously, what the fuck, he
was giving Jungkook presents as a way to buy his silence or something?”
“Jungkook wouldn’t have stayed silent just because he got some video games.” Namjoon
said.

“Well, whatever the reason, it was manipulative and gross!” Jin snapped. “Who knows what
else he said to guilt-trip him into staying silent.”

What they saw at the police station was terrible enough but there were probably endless
moments like these that they had no idea about.

“You didn’t take it away from him did you?” Namjoon asked.

“No, I wanted to though. Should we mention it to the police? I don’t recall them having
mentioned anything about Jonathon buying things for him.”

Namjoon sighed wearily, “I suppose so. Let’s ask Ahmed about it first.”

The social-worker picked up after a few rings. It turned out there was no mention of the
creepy gift-buying in the investigation so far so Ahmed said he would ask Jungkook about it
at their upcoming, mandatory monthly meeting at the social services offices and he would
pass along his notes to the officers in charge of the investigation. Even though Ahmed was
young he was surprisingly competent and they were grateful he also worked hard to keep
Jungkook as far removed from the investigation as possible. After the brief phone call,
Namjoon remembered something that he kept putting off.

“By the way, Ahmed emailed me Jungkook’s progress report so we can send it to the school
for when he re-enrolls,” Namjoon said.

“He’s not ready to go back to that environment,” Jin vetoed immediately even though he
placed great importance on getting a basic education. They both did.

“I know,” Namjoon sighed, “But he can’t stay away forever, either. And Ahmed has brought
it up twice recently. I’m surprised he didn’t mention it again just now. Anyways, Jungkook
also wasn’t doing good at Pinewood. He was failing two classes and had a C-minus in
another. His highest grade was a B-minus and that was an art elective.” The low grades were
especially impressive since Jungkook had barely attended a few weeks of the newest school
year before the police came kicking down his door.

“It might be best to just wait until the start of next school year and have him re-start eight
grade.” Jin mused. “The fall semester is already ending soon and I don’t know if we could
homeschool him enough in time to make up for what he’s missed.”

“Maybe.” Namjoon said but he was doubtful. Jungkook knew a lot of the students at the
school since he’d been friends with some since elementary. It would be awkward for him if
all of the sudden he was one year behind them. Students at those ages could be cruel and
Jungkook was in no place to handle that sort of pressure. He knew their family already had a
reputation – Namjoon wasn’t naïve enough to believe that two dads and their rag-tag bunch
of adopted children wouldn’t constantly be the hot gossip of the PTA members. As far as he
knew, none of his children were ever bullied because of it but all of them had admitted at one
point or other as being referred to as something along the lines of ‘asian kid with two dads
and a bunch of adopted brothers’. It still made his blood boil but there wasn’t much he could
do.

Jin frowned as Namjoon pulled up the email so Jin could read over the progress report.
Jungkook had always been a good student. There were a few times his grades would slip
when he went through an emotional low but he always managed to bring them back up and
the teachers were well-acquainted with their family so by the time Jungkook showed up on
their attendance lists they were generally accommodating when times were tough. But right
now Jungkook was currently going to therapy three times a week and received ‘homework
assignments’ in between sessions. It was definitely at least one course’s worth of work,
except it was for mental health instead of math or English. There was no way he could handle
the pressure of academics right now or in the near-future.

“I guess it’s another thing we’ll have to discuss with Ahmed at the next meeting,” Namjoon
sighed.

---

“When did he give it to you? Was there a reason?” Ahmed asked.

Jungkook was gripping the edge of seat before wrapping his arms around himself and looking
at the floor. “It was a birthday present,” he eventually mumbled.

It was as plain as day that Jungkook was lying.

“Jungkook, did he give you anything else? At times other than your birthday or holidays?”

Jungkook shrugged and hunched further into himself.

“It doesn’t have to be something as expensive or fancy as video games, just anything you can
think of.”

“N-not really…just like some snacks or shoes or stuff. He got me a new backpack.”

“Did he say why?”

Jungkook was determined to glare a hole into the carpeted floor. “I don’t know. Because I
wanted them. Why does there have to be a reason?”

“Would he buy you these things after he would hurt or touch you?” Ahmed said becoming
more direct as it was clear Jungkook wasn’t going to open up of his own volition.

“He didn’t buy me it because he hurt me! He bought it because he felt bad that the..they…the
other guys did.”

“But did he let the other people hurt you?” Ahmed clarified.

“Yes. I mean no. I don’t know. He didn’t mean to. Usually he would stay and make sure no
one did anything too…too…he had some rules. So I wouldn’t feel too bad after.”
Namjoon felt sick after Jungkook emerged from Ahmed’s office and the social-worker
debriefed him privately on their conversation. Why was Jungkook defending Jonathon?
Judging by Jungkook’s expression, he didn’t know why either. The atmosphere was heavy
enough so Namjoon hadn’t even brought up the topic of school.

The drive home was even more tense and the Christmas decorations lighting the streets made
Namjoon irrationally angry as if their artificial cheerfulness was mocking their situation.

“Jungkook, he’s not a nice person. What he did was wrong even if he apologized or bought
you things,” Namjoon said.

“I know that!” Jungkook snapped. “I’m not stupid. But that doesn’t mean he was bad all the
time.”

“But just because he was nice sometimes doesn’t excuse or make up for anything he did.”

“Well you weren’t there! And he was! So you can just shut up because you don’t know what
you’re talking about!” Jungkook shouted.

The accusation hit Namjoon like a punch to the stomach and he was left winded. It was only
the muscle memory that kept the car driving smoothly down the road. He wanted to shake
some sense into Jungkook and scream at him that Jonathon was the one who put him in those
situations in the first place. That Jonathon and Kevin were horrible, terrible people and
Jungkook didn’t owe them anything. But Namjoon didn’t even know how to begin undoing
the abuse, the manipulation, the mind-games he was subjected to. He didn’t want Jungkook
to walk through the world with a distorted perspective on how he should be treated. Jungkook
deserved only kindness and love and compassion but Namjoon was terrified that even if
Jungkook did manage to come to a point where he could be independent and have
relationships that he’d still settle for someone who didn’t treat him right. Of course there
were many types of relationships and not all of them sexual but Namjoon worried that
Jungkook would always associate intimacy with pain and fear, even though it should be an
enjoyable experience full of love and trust.

“I love you, Jungkook,” Namjoon said. “I love you so, so much and anyone who loves you
would never treat you that way.”

“If you love me so much then why did you let me leave in the first place?” Jungkook asked,
his voice now quiet and hollow.

“We did all we could but there are laws that are unfair and it granted your father rights he
shouldn’t have been granted.”

“Sure,” Jungkook scoffed.

Namjoon wished Jin or even Ahmed was here, they would probably know what to say. He
was also taken aback by Jungkook’s open contempt and anger for him. Despite all his bluff
and bluster the other week with Jin of how they’d have to pry Jungkook off his cold dead
body before they took him away again, the fact was that those unjust laws still existed. If
social services decided against their favor there wasn’t anything they could do short of
 kidnapping. They’d danced this dance before and failed and now Namjoon knew better than
to make promises to Jungkook he couldn’t keep.

“Jungkook we – me and Jin – we are going to fight for you. I want nothing more than to
adopt you. I always felt you were like my son from day one. We’re going to do everything in
our power to keep you.” It was the truth even if it fell short.

“And what if I don’t want you to adopt me?” Jungkook spat.

Namjoon’s heart clenched. “Then we’ll support whatever you want and use all our resources
to help you with that. But, Kookie, if we don’t adopt you the alternative is you go to a
different foster family or back to your father. Is that what you want? Do you want to live with
your father again?” Namjoon asked. To be honest, Namjoon was being generous when he
said ‘a different foster family’ - the likelihood that a foster family would take in Jungkook at
his age with all of his issues was slim to none. Even if his father pursued custody the process
would again take months. Thus, if Jungkook was taken away from them, he would probably
be put in one of the underfunded, overcrowded group homes ran by social services. This was
really a conversation they should be having with Jin and probably Ahmed but he wasn’t
going to sidestep around Jungkook’s wants and needs, especially since Jungkook wasn’t the
most communicative of them.

“N-no..I don’t…I’m not sure,” Jungkook said and he seemed to wither and deflate beneath
his very eyes. His voice was uncertain and without any of its earlier venom.

“Okay, then let me and Jin worry about this for now. You just focus on getting better.”

Jungkook kept his eyes downcast for the rest of the car ride while he gnawed on his bottom
lip that was quickly becoming chapped and red.

Namjoon wasn’t as certain about the adoption solving a lot of issues as he once was either.
Ever since he and Jin had gone to the police station a horrible, ugly thought had taken root in
his head. Was Jungkook uncomfortable around them? Well, he was uncomfortable around
pretty much everyone nowadays, especially adults, and understandably so. Considering that
the vast majority of the abusers were men…had that led Jungook to have a skewed view of
homosexuality? Was Jungkook disgusted by his and Jin’s relationship? Was he afraid of
them?

If that was the case, and it wouldn’t be a long shot that it was, then maybe…maybe their
home wasn’t the best place for Jungkook anymore. His insides twisted. All these years he’d
criticized Jungkook’s biological relatives for wanting custody even though they so obviously
lacked in many areas of parenting. His bio-relatives all assumed because they loved
Jungkook that that was enough to validate their decision to pursue custody. What if he and Jin
were essentially doing the same thing? If Jungkook didn’t feel safe around them in that
personal and deep-down sort of way then he wouldn’t be able to recover. But at this point
where could he even go that could give him what he needed?

Chapter End Notes

8k+ words this chapter, a new record for me. Next week it will be back to 4-5k words
per chapter. Thank you for reading and please leave a comment if you have time! <3
 Chapter 10
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes

Namjoon had taken the kids ice skating except for Taehyung who didn't like it. Despite
various attempts over the years, the teenager always looked like a baby deer first learning
how to walk when he was on the ice. Jungkook was also home merely because there was no
way he'd have the energy for it. He’d probably faint on the rink if he tried and Jin certainly
didn't need him getting injured again.

Jin used to like skating quite a bit and wasn't half bad but the last couple of winters he would
get some ominous twinges in his knee of whichever leg was the inner one as he circled the
risk. He was in the midst of complaining about it now to his two youngest.

"You're old," Jungkook mumbled so quietly Jin almost didn't hear him.

"What was that?"

"Your knees first and now your ears too. You're going geriatric. I bet Binky could run faster
than you." Taehyung piped up.

Jin frowned in disapproval at Taehyung’s impish grin – after all Jin had just had his birthday
and was sensitive about this. But he noticed the way Jungkook was fighting back the smallest
of smiles.

"Well I'm young at heart," Jin scoffed. "Now everyone wash your hands and help me with
this cookie dough."

Jungkook didn't last long in the cookie-making process and soon ended up on the living room
floor in front of the fireplace, curled up with Binky and Jemma in a tangle of blankets and
pillows. His face was slack and soft and he finally looked like his thirteen years rather than
someone aged prematurely by trauma. Jin hoped he and everyone else could make it through
Christmas, Tae’s birthday, and New Year’s peacefully.

Taehyung loyally continued to cut shapes into the cookie dough and place them on the baking
trays. Several times his eyes would dart to Jungkook’s sleeping form and he looked like he
wanted to say something but never did.

“He’s getting better,” Jin said eventually to coax Taehyung to open up.

“You’re sure?” Taehyung asked quietly.

“He’s been through a lot.”

“Like what?” his son asked.

Jin hesitated. “It’s not my place to say.”

“You’re gonna…he’s going to be adopted soon, right?”

“I hope so, Tae.”

There was a shaky inhale and Jin looked up from where he was rolling out the remaining
dough to see Taehyung’s eyes shiny with tears.

“He can’t go back to his father. If what happened to him was that bad then he shouldn’t be
able to get him back.” Taehyung pressed, his voice wet.

“I don’t know Tae,” Jin sighed.

“It’s not f-fair. Jungkook already thinks you don’t want him here.”

Jin fought back a queasy grimace as he recalled the manipulative things Jonathon had said to
Jungkook to make him think that he wasn’t loved. That their home wasn’t an option for him.

“It’s not fair,” Jin agreed. “But we can all be there for him to show we love him and that he’s
part of our family. You and Jimin can try to include him more in your activities.”

Taehyung sniffed a couple times. “I don’t think he wants to be around me. Every time I try to
talk to him I say something wrong and he gets upset.”

“I know he’s sensitive and tired right now but I think he would still like to be included even if
he doesn’t realize it.”

“Okay,” Taehyung said, blinking away the last of his tears.

---

That evening, after the cookies were baked and cooled, Jin recruited the entire household into
decorating them as was tradition. Taehyung sat pointedly next to Jungkook, deciding now
was as good time as ever to try and rebuild their relationship.

Even though Jungkook had slept for hours by the fireplace earlier, his little brother still
looked exhausted. Everyone else was chattering and piling cookies and sprinkles onto their
plate. Jimin and Yoongi had already started to bicker over the icing colors. Jungkook moved
at half the speed and his hands seemed jerky and uncoordinated.

“Look Kookie,” Taehyung said, “I cut out some of my own shapes earlier. This one’s
supposed to be Jemma. I made it for you.”

Hoseok craned his neck to see and cackled at the abstract blob of sugar cookie.

“It lost its shape a little in the oven,” Taehyung said defensively.

“Is this another one of your creations?” Yoongi asked, holding up another unidentifiable
shape.

“I made that one,” Jin pouted. “It’s supposed to be our house.”

“Jesus Christ,” Yoongi said.

“I think its sweet,” Namjoon added.

“I could’ve cut better shapes.” Jimin piped up. White frosting had already managed to make
its way onto his nose. “I’m good at that sort of thing.”

Taehyung smiled and turned back to Jungkook. His little brother had just went from looking
at Namjoon to Jimin as if he was operating on a few-seconds delay. Taehyung swallowed,
trying to keep his nerves at bay.

“So do you want to decorate it?” Taehyung prompted. “You don’t have to.”

Slowly, Jungkook’s lethargic gaze came to him. “Okay,” he mumbled.

They didn’t have gray because that would be a depressing color for Christmas cookies so
Taehyung set the blue down next to him, assuming it was the next best option. Every now and
then Taehyung would show Jungkook his finished cookies but he never got a real response
out of him.

By the time everything was decorated, Taehyung had a dozen on his plate and Jungkook only
had three.

“Jemma turned out good.” Taehyung said. The cookie was nothing more than a vaguely
round shape painted with blue frosting and a few random sprinkles that he wasn’t even sure if
Jungkook had put there or they had just fallen accidently.

“Yeah, if a Smurf regurgitated her.” Yoongi commented.

“Shut up!” Taehyung snapped.

“Guys,” Jin warned, not glancing up from where he was still decorating.

Jungkook didn’t seem to notice their exchange. “I’m gonna go to bed,” he yawned instead
and started dragging his feet towards the stairs.

“Okay, I’ll be right there,” Namjoon said, also standing up and going to wash his hands.
Taehyung watched Namjoon disappear into his bedroom, knowing he was going to get
Jungkook’s nightly medication for him. It was only 8pm.

As Jin walked past him to fetch a container to put the finished cookies in he paused and
squeezed his shoulder as if to say thanks but Taehyung felt like he hadn’t done anything.
Jungkook was too tired to notice what Taehyung did or didn’t do or maybe he was doing too
little too late and Jungkook no longer cared about him.

---

Jin was mildly panicking about Christmas. He’d been so busy lately that he hadn’t had time
to finish shopping and Christmas was only a few days away. He and Namjoon had agreed to
not get each other gifts this year to both save some money and focus more on their kids. Not
only had Jin not had the time to finish Christmas shopping but he also felt a bit out of touch
with his other kids the last couple of months and only had vague ideas of the things they
needed and wanted right now. He felt guilty. At least Jungkook was easy even though he
never said a word about he wanted. Namjoon had bought him some new art supplies and Jin
was buying him a guitar. He had caught Jungkook a couple times plucking timidly at
Yoongi’s guitar while watching Youtube tutorials.

“We can get you your own, you know. We never got around to celebrating your last
birthday.” Jin said. He refrained from mentioning it was because Jungkook had blocked all
their numbers.

Jungkook didn’t look up from the tutorial video. “It’s fine, I’m not like that serious about it or
anything,” he mumbled, voice tinged with embarrassment.

“Well we can get a cheap guitar from Guitar Center or Craigslist or something. But Yoongi
worked hard to save up for that guitar, it’s his most prized possession at the moment,” Jin
said.

Jungkook’s expression crumpled guiltily.

“It’s not a big deal Jungkook, I want to get one for you if it will make you happy. You don’t
need to feel pressured into becoming a rockstar or anything,” Jin continued. While they had
a nice home, he never felt that they spoiled their kids. There were five of them after all, many
of their things were hand-me-downs. Jungkook, as the youngest, often ended up with the
oldest clothes although sometimes they were too worn by the time they reached him that he
needed new ones. Jungkook deserved things that would make him happy and it was so
obvious that he didn’t believe he was worthy of even an old guitar they could get anywhere.

“I don’t want one, I was just messing around,” Jungkook said quietly before carefully placing
the guitar back and closing his laptop.

Well, Jin certainly didn’t believe him and to prove his point got him a nice, sleek-looking
guitar made from rosewood along with a capo and some picks at the music store after some
discussion with the employee. While he was there he picked up new headphones for Yoongi
of a brand Namjoon’s friend had recommended to them. Two down, three to go. Jin sighed
warily as he placed the purchases in the trunk and continued on to the mall.

---

Christmas night, once the house was cleaned up from the massive annual holiday meal and
torn gift wrap, Namjoon and Jin cuddled contentedly in their bed. All the boys were pleased
with their gifts and there had been no drama. Sure, it would’ve been nice if Jungkook had
displayed emotion besides quiet discomfort at his presents, or if Jimin had made more of an
effort to include him in their raucous video game tournament and snowball fight but all in all
it had gone as good as he could have expected.

Jin yawned. “I’m tired, it’s been a long day. Well, a long couple of months really.”

Namjoon pouted. “Planning on sleeping already? But then you can’t open the gift I got you.”
“I thought we agreed upon no presents this year!” Jin whined, sitting upright against the
headboard.

“We didn’t have time to do much for you birthday either though, love. You’ve been so great
with Jungkook and I know it’s been hard on you. It’s nothing special anyways. Generic but
classy.”

“Alright let’s see it,” Jin said, trying to seem nonchalant even though he was pleased at the
turn of events.

Namjoon leaned over the bedside and fished something out from underneath, coming back up
with a glossy, dark-red gift bag. Jin undid the tie and pulled out a sparkling bottle of
champagne.

“Oh, babe, you really shouldn’t have.”

Namjoon smiled and kissed him, “I’ll go get two glasses.”

After he returned and the bottle opened with a satisfying pop, they lounged back again in
comfortable silence. The champagne tasted sweet and expensive. Jin hadn’t realized how
much he needed this – a quiet but tender night with Namjoon and a little bit of alcohol to
loosen him up. A generous glass later and Jin turned to his husband with a tipsy smile.
“Remember when we first met? I thought you were so straight,” he giggled.

Namjoon flushed slightly even though memory lane, particularly this spot, was one Jin liked
to tread often.

“Well, at the time I thought I was straight too.”

“Now look at us,” Jin said, lying his head on Namjoon’s chest.

“Now look at us,” Namjoon agreed.

They’d met while Namjoon was in graduate school to get his doctorate of physical therapy.
Jin had already graduated and was working in accounting for an insurance firm and slowly
completing the seemingly endless series of actuarial exams, hating his job more with every
one that he passed. Sure, the pay was good and he’d never lack for job security but he found
himself wishing he hadn’t been so damn logical about career trajectories when he picked his
college major. To distract himself from the stress of his job, for the past six months he had
been acting as a ‘big brother’ for a middle-schooler through the Big Brothers Big Sisters
program and their bi-monthly meetings were always the highlight of Jin’s week.

Then Namjoon came into his life. They were introduced one night when getting drinks with
their mutual friends. With Namjoon’s obsession of going to the gym and dream job of
working in sports-related injuries, Jin initially had pegged him as one of those really bro-y
types that was probably in a frat during his undergrad. He hadn’t had any interest in getting to
know him better but they ran into each other a few more times on outings with their mutual
friends. After a couple conversations Jin learned they got along really well. Namjoon wasn’t
just a muscley jock but a borderline genius with a fondness for nature, reading, and modern
art.

Of course, Jin refrained from ever thinking about Namjoon in a romantic way and the topic
of sexuality never really came up. Namjoon had already known Jin was gay before they even
met because one of their mutual friends had let it slip but Namjoon was presumably
unbothered by the information. Slowly, they started hanging out one-on-one without their
other friends. It had been a strange friendship in many ways. While Jin was deeply endeared
by Namjoon’s hobbies he didn’t necessarily share his interests and could never read into art
the way Namjoon could, no matter how many museum exhibits they went to. Likewise,
Namjoon wasn’t into video games or fishing. Still, in the broader picture they had similar
views and goals but were different enough that they challenged each other.

Things took a turn when Namjoon was in mountain biking accident (another hobby they
didn’t share) with some of his friends and broke his elbow so badly he needed surgery. He
took a semester off of school to recover. Jin took it upon himself to help Namjoon while he
healed which found Namjoon hanging out at his apartment more and more often. It was
difficult for Namjoon to cook – not that he did much of that in the first place - clean, and
many other basic tasks with his arm trapped in a cast and sling for over month. Luckily, Jin
lived alone and had enough space. The couch in the living room pulled out into a bed and
was almost more comfortable than his own, so sometimes Namjoon just crashed there.

Namjoon also formally met Jordan, the kid Jin was a ‘big brother’ to, when he brought him
over to his apartment to teach him how to make beoseot gangjeong – a Korean mushroom
dish.

“I didn’t know you had a roommate,” Jordan had said while they cooked.

“I don’t, he’s just hopeless, doubly so now that his arm is broken so I’m making sure he
doesn’t starve.”

It turned out Jordan and Namjoon got along really well, they chattered nonstop once Jordan
found out Namjoon also played basketball when he was younger. After he brought Jordan
home Jin teased, “He’s my little brother, not yours. I didn’t know you got along so well with
kids.”

“I’m not the best, but I enjoy them. I think it would be cool to work at a high school where
you help the student athletes with their injuries. But those aren’t full time positions.”
Namjoon said. “You’re good with him too. You’re…good at taking care of people.” There
was something quiet and vulnerable in Namjoon’s voice at his last statement which Jin
politely ignored.

“Oh, I’ve always liked kids. And I guess taking of care of people too.” In fact, Jin enjoyed
Namjoon’s presence more than he thought he would and it was a good distraction from his
job that he didn’t like. Jin was scared too though - they had grown really close really quickly.
He could tell he was getting too attached to Namjoon and that his feelings were quickly
sliding into romantic territory.

“Do you want kids one day?” Namjoon asked.

“Uh,” Jin fumbled. For Namjoon, a straight guy, the question probably seemed innocuous.
For Jin it was a deeply personal inquiry. He couldn’t ever have a 100% biological child with
whoever he settled down with and he didn’t really like the idea of surrogacy in the first place.
Spending time with Jordan certainly got him interested in alternative methods – fostering and
adoption – but those too could be difficult, winding paths. Then there was the potential
stigma or gossip of raising a family as a two-dad household to consider.

“I guess I like the idea of it, but I dunno,” Jin said lamely.

Namjoon didn’t take the hint and continued, “You’d make a great dad!”

“It’s not that. I think I could be a good dad too. But, um, the child acquisition process is more
difficult for someone like me.” Jin felt strangely uncomfortable. He wasn’t ashamed of being
gay and Namjoon had long known this fact about him - they’d discussed their relationship
history with each other more than once.

“Oh,” Namjoon said, realizing he had struck a nerve. “Sorry, I guess I didn’t think about
that.”

“It’s fine.”

As time passed Namjoon became almost flirtatious at times, which left Jin wondering
whether Namjoon was teasing him, which was cruel, or trying to tell him something.

For instance, Jin liked to listen to music while he cooked and Namjoon put himself in charge
of the playlist. Can’t Fight This Feeling was played more often than not but Jin tried to not
read into it. He didn’t share Namjoon’s interest in rap and hip-hop so maybe Namjoon was
just sticking to basics? He still wondered why so many of the songs were about love but was
too weary to ask in the likely outcome he embarrassed himself and ruined their friendship.

“You’re gonna be so lonely when I’m healed and aren’t around as much anymore,” Namjoon
said one time.

“Don’t compliment yourself,” Jin lied, “It’ll be a relief. It’s been a nuisance with you sitting
on the couch all day, eating my food.”

“Hey, be nice I’m still injured.”

“I’ve seen your place, I know you don’t cook either way.”

“I could learn,” Namjoon had pouted. “We could cook together.”

“What, so you want to become roommates or something?”

“Maybe,” Namjoon had said, shyness coloring his voice.

Then things progressed even more. At the time they both had convinced themselves they
were just toeing the line of what was romantic versus platonic for fun, but looking back, there
was no way their activities could’ve possibly been construed as straight. Jin couldn’t even
remember when or what started it but they had begun joking they were like an old married
couple. When Jin would leave for work Namjoon started ‘jokingly’ kissing him on the cheek
and sing-song ‘have a nice day'. Cheek kisses were normal and platonic. They were just
friends.

Then Namjoon was healed, his sling came off, and he was going to go back to his apartment.
Jin drove him there and helped carry his stuff to the door because Namjoon still had to be
careful about heavy lifting for a couple months. As he set the bag in the entry way he kissed
Namjoon one last time on the cheek. He was about to make a joke about them ‘divorcing’ but
before he could Namjoon turned to look at him straight in the eyes.

“You missed,” Namjoon deadpanned.

Jin had just stood there like a deer in the headlights until Namjoon leaned forward and
brought their lips together. Jin reciprocated and, well, not much later Namjoon moved back
in. Now they had a house and two cars. Too many houseplants. A dog and a cat. Four legal
children and hopefully, soon, five.

“Merry Christmas, Namjoon.”

“Merry Christmas, love.”

---

The very first thing Taehyung asked on his birthday was “Can Jimin and I get our learner’s
permits now?”

Namjoon let out an exasperated sigh. “We’ll go some time after winter break.”

“It’s not fair, I’ve been waiting for months,” Jimin whined. “Hoseok started learning as soon
as he turned fifteen.”

“You haven’t even been waiting three months. You’ve made it this long without driving and
you can wait a little longer,” Namjoon said firmly.

Both teenagers gave dramatic huffs but ran off to the living room to play one of the video
games they had gotten for Christmas.

“What’s with kids and driving these days? I didn’t get my license until well into adulthood.”
Namjoon said, turning to Jin.

“You only got it because you needed to if we were going to start a family,” Jin replied. It
amused Jin to no end how long Namjoon had procrastinated on getting his license. His
genius, confident husband intimidated by driving.

“Exactly. And they’re just kids. They don’t need to do it.” Namjoon said. “I don’t know
who’s car they think they’re going to be driving when they actually get their licenses.
Certainly not mine or yours. I highly doubt Yoongi would let them use his, he barely lets
Hobi use it.”
“I don’t know, they’re high schoolers. They think it’s cool,” Jin said, moving past Namjoon
to start unloading the dishwasher.

Namjoon moved to help him but Jin shooed him away. “Can you go check on Jungkook? We
should check his arms, it’s been a while. Try to wrestle him out of bed even if he doesn’t
want to.”

Namjoon’s heart swelled with sadness as it often did when someone mentioned their
youngest. His expression must’ve fallen obviously because Jin stopped what he was doing
and put a gentle hand on Namjoon’s shoulder. “Don’t look so sad, Joonie. He’ll get better.
He’s already improved a lot in the last few months.”

Namjoon blinked. “Yeah,” he said half-heartedly. If sleeping all day was considered an
improvement. Taking a deep breath, Namjoon pushed his emotions down and marched
upstairs.

“Knock, knock,” Namjoon said opening Jungkook’s door. Jungkook was bundled in his
blankets. His eyes were closed. Namjoon sat on the edge of the bed. “Kookie, sweetheart?”

Jungkook’s eyes peeled open, blinking sleepily at Namjoon.

“Not feeling too good, huh?” Namjoon asked sympathetically.

Jungkook let out a small sigh in response. Despite his lethargy, Jungkook had been
participating in more family affairs lately. He joined mealtimes if he was awake and would sit
on the couch with everyone when they watched television. Yet, he was always detached and
floaty, hardly speaking to anyone. His expression was glazed and his reaction time to stimuli
was poor.

“I think you’ll feel better if you get up and move around some. There was fresh snowfall last
night, how about you come downstairs and eat and we can go for a walk? Binky needs to get
out too.”

Jungkook pulled the blanket tighter around himself.

“Come on Kookie, you can’t stay in bed all day. Besides, your bedding need to be washed.”
Namjoon said leaning over and pulling Jungkook upright. Jungkook didn’t fight him but nor
did he do anything to help. He closed his eyes again and leaned into Namjoon’s side, his
posture slumped and pliant. He reminded Namjoon of a wilted flower, kept out of the sun for
too long. Namjoon wrapped his arms around him, holding him close. He pressed a kiss to the
top of Jungkook’s head. “I know it’s tough. I’m so proud of you. Jinnie is too.”

Jungkook remained silent and Namjoon held him like that for a while longer until Jungkook
shifted and blinked in his arms, his eyes becoming a little more focused. As Jungkook slowly
came back to life Namjoon looked over at the desk where the monstera plant still sat, doing
well even in the chill of winter.

“See, there you go.” Namjoon said as Jungkook finally sat up without his support. “You’ll
feel even better with some exercise and fresh air. Can you get dressed?” Namjoon prompted.
Jungkook nodded slowly, his first real acknowledgement of anything Namjoon had said. It
was good to know he wasn’t just white noise, then.

“Okay, I’ll wait downstairs for you.” Namjoon said, standing up and making sure Jungkook
was also on his feet and by the dresser before he left the room so there was at least half a
chance Jungkook would actually do what he was told.

It took twenty minutes but eventually Jungkook wandered downstairs, his gaze on his wool
socks.

“Do you want to eat something first?” Namjoon asked.

Jungkook shook his head. Namjoon hoped once they got back, Jungkook’s metabolism would
be kickstarted enough to have an appetite. Maybe he should move up the appointment with
his psychiatrist to get his meds reevaluated.

Binky, although old, loved the snow and seemed to have the energy of a dog five years
younger. He was already waiting eagerly by the door, pawing at the door clumsily. “Alright,
let’s go, someone’s impatient,” Namjoon said gesturing with his chin towards Binky.

Hoseok was also joining them and between Binky and him there was more than enough
energy to make up for Jungkook’s lack thereof. Binky would shove his face into the
snowbanks and fling the loose powder high up into the air with his snout, tail wagging
happily as he stopped to sniff every snowman and holiday decoration they encountered. His
enthusiasm was only outshone by Hoseok who chattered animatedly about this and that while
launching snowballs at fire hydrants, stop signs and occasionally Namjoon. He was careful to
avoid hitting Jungkook but still tried to include him in the conversations.

“Look at that house’s decoration, Jungkookie! They really went all out with the lights, I bet it
looks so pretty at night! I wish we had those inflatable penguins.”

Jungkook didn’t really reply but he would at least look up at the things Hoseok would
comment on. His expression seemed to become a bit lighter as he watched Binky frolicking
happily in the snow drifts.

After a couple blocks both Jungkook and Binky were becoming worn out.

“Hobi, I think it’s time we head back,” Namjoon called out to the teenager who was
attempting to dislodge a large ice boulder in the snow drift that had piled up on the side of the
road.

“Okay,” he called, scrambling down from his frozen perch, his eyes narrowing in worry as he
watched Jungkook warily drag his feet across the icy ground.

Namjoon shared his concerns and passed Binky’s leash to Hoseok while Namjoon hovered
close to Jungkook in case he needed support. By the time they made it back to the house,
Jungkook was holding on to Namjoon’s arm and leaning on him heavily, his fatigue evident.
Once they had stripped off their boots and jackets he lead Jungkook over to the kitchen table.
“You need to eat something Kookie,” he said.
“M’not hungry,” Jungkook mumbled.

“I know but you need to get your strength back up.”

Jungkook sighed and continued to stare at the table. Namjoon was so worried by Jungkook’s
apathy, unsure how much was his medication and how much was his actual mental state. He
still had to admit that this lethargic version of Jungkook was better than when he was having
constant anxiety attacks and night terrors. It certainly wasn’t good but it was at least a
different breed of bad.

Jungkook managed to eat a couple pieces of toast with peanut butter on them. “I’m going
back to my room,” he said quietly, setting the remains of the snack on the plate.

“How about you brush your teeth and shower first?” Namjoon suggested gently. “Your
blankets are still in the wash anyways.”

Jungkook’s expression crumpled and he looked like he was about to cry. Before his
medication change he would shower twice a day and use up all the hot water to the
annoyance of his brothers and brush his teeth until his gums bled.

“Honey, it’s okay, you can do it later,” Namjoon relented, anything to stop the sadness that
marred Jungkook’s features. “How about you go lie down in our room?” Jungkook gave a
small nod and a sniffle before walking towards their bedroom, scooping up Jemma off the
couch on the way. At least he wouldn’t be alone.

“Where’s Jungkookie?” Jin asked around twenty minutes later when he returned from a quick
run to the store.

“He’s taking a rest in our bed,” Namjoon said.

Jin looked at him disapprovingly. “He needs to shower and eat more and it would be good for
him to spend more time with his brothers before they go back to school.”

“Honey, he’s tired. Maybe some days he can do more but today the walk was his limit. I don’t
want to push him too hard.” Namjoon defended.

“Fine,” Jin sighed. “But we can’t let him lay around all day every day, he needs to be pushed
from time to time if he’s going to get better.” Jin continued to bustle around the kitchen
putting his groceries in the pantry while Namjoon stood like a stone column in the center of
the room.

“Babe? What’s the matter?” Jin asked, realizing something was wrong.

“I’m calling his psychiatrist and moving his appointment up to discuss adjusting his
prescription. I know she said this reaction to his medication was normal and to be expected
but it’s still not right. I don’t like seeing him like this. He’s a human and not a zombie. If he’s
supposed to process his emotions or whatever to heal, how can he do that if we’re essentially
sedating him to the point he can’t even feel anything?” Namjoon ranted.
 “Alright, alright, I agree with you. We can move the appointment to Monday. But even if we
get his medication changed we can’t expect it to fix all his problems.” Jin cautioned.

“I know but I can’t stand seeing him like this,” Namjoon said before walking to their
bedroom, trying to ignore the voice that reminded him he couldn’t stand seeing the anxious,
terrified version of Jungkook either.

Jungkook was already asleep, with Jemma curled in the crook of his legs. Namjoon perched
on the edge of the bed and carded his fingers through Jungkook’s hair. “Oh Jungkookie,”
Namjoon sighed. “I love you so much.”

Chapter End Notes

School is starting again, I'll try to do bi-weekly updates instead of weekly from now on.
 Chapter 11

Jungkook thought of the first time Jonathon had ever touched him. For the first two months
of living at his father’s he had barely interacted with his stepbrothers at all, he rarely saw
them because they were supposedly busy with their jobs.

Jungkook didn’t particularly mind, they were in their twenties so he didn’t suspect they’d
have anything in common. It still wasn’t fun – to feel like you were living with strangers.
There was an invisible and awkward tension to everything Jungkook did or said in that house.
Thus, he couldn’t help but feel equal parts eager and shy when Kevin knocked on his door
one evening to invite him to play some video games with him and Jonathon.

Happily, Jungkook followed Kevin to his and Jonathon’s shared room. They had a TV
mounted on the wall perpendicular to one of the beds. Jonathon patted the space next to him
on the edge of the bed, “Grab a controller, Jungkook.”

All three of them did a few PVP matches of some vintage fighter game Jungkook wasn’t
familiar with.

“It’s an older game, that’s why you probably don’t know it.” Kevin commented.

They didn’t really talk much but Jungkook enjoyed the comfortable, familiar silence of
playing video games. It wasn’t the same as when he did it with his brothers at Jin and Joon’s
house but it helped him feel a little more at ease. His life at his new school hadn’t been going
well and he’d been really lonely.

After the fourth or fifth round, Jonathon navigated back to the game lobby, taking the
controller from Jungkook’s hands. Expecting that this was the end of the bonding and
disappointed it was so short-lived, Jungkook was about to stand up until Jonathon planted a
hand firmly on his thigh. He was surprised by the gesture but wasn’t alarmed.

“Kookie, Kookie, Kookie,” Jonathon sighed, his hand starting to move up and down his leg.

That was when the first seed of discomfort started niggling in Jungkook’s stomach but he
ignored it, he didn’t know his stepbrothers or their mannerisms that well. Maybe Jonathon
wanted to talk to him about something serious.

Uncertain about the direction this was going, Jungkook remained silent looking expectantly
up at Jonathon. Jonathon’s hand tightened its grip on Jungkook’s leg almost imperceptibly.
Jungkook continued to wait and Kevin stared at them for a long moment, his expression
unreadable before turning back to the screen and starting a solo-game. He raised the volume
on the TV. Jungkook frowned. The tension was becoming unbearable. Was Jonathon mad at
him? Just as he was about to muster his courage and ask his stepbrother what was wrong,
Jonathon spoke.

“I’ve been dying to spend some time with you, Jungkook.” Jonathon breathed.
Jungkook felt confused rather than flattered, Jonathon’s tone and posturing making him
increasingly nervous, “Oh, okay. I’m happy we could hang out too.”

“I don’t want you to think I’ve been avoiding you.” Jonathon murmured, his face
uncomfortably close to Jungkook’s so that he could feel his stepbrother’s breath on his cheek.

“I didn’t think that,” Jungkook assured, leaning away. “I’m sure you’re busy with work and
stuff, just like my dad and your mom. It’s okay.”

“Yeah, work,” Jonathon said distractedly, his fingers drumming a random pattern on
Jungkook’s leg. He tensed as Jonathon’s dancing fingertips crept higher up his thigh.
Jonathon probably didn’t even realize what was he doing. Jungkook tried to shift away
discreetly. When Jonathon tightened his hold, that’s when Jungkook knew it was intentional.
His discomfort grew into something more akin to fear. Jungkook let out a nervous laugh to
try and ease the tension he felt.

“Let’s play a game.” Jonathon said suddenly.

Jungkook was bewildered. All this set up just to play another video game? Maybe Jonathon
had changed his mind about whatever he wanted to talk about. Maybe he was just socially
awkward.

“O-okay.” Jungkook said, craning his head to look for where Jonathon had put the
controllers.

“Not that kind of game.” Jonathon said.

Jungkook shot a glance at Kevin who was still resolutely staring up at the TV, starting a
second round of the game he was playing by himself.

“What-what did you want to play?”

“Let’s play truth or dare.” Jonathon said.

What? That was a kid’s game. What was Jonathon up to? Jungkook tried to push back the
heat that was starting to build up behind his eyes as his suspicions grew that Kevin and
Jonathon had only called him to their room so they could make fun of him.

“Alright.” Jungkook said. Jonathon finally removed his hand from his leg. Jungkook’s hands
curled into fists.

“Okay. I dare you to take off your shirt,” Jonathon said.

What? He was unable to process the request. Did Jonathon want to tease him for being
skinny or something? This whole situation was so bizarre. How did everything go wrong so
quickly? They had been having fun just minutes ago when they were all playing video games.
Why couldn’t they just go back to that?

Jonathon stared at him with a gleam in his eye and a smirk that was anything but kind or
brotherly.
“D-don’t I get to choose truth or dare?” Jungkook managed to ask.

“Not if you play it the fun way.” Jonathon replied.

“I don’t want to,” Jungkook said.

“I’ll do it if you do it,” Jonathon said.

Why would he want Jonathon to take off his shirt?

Apparently, he was hesitating too long because Jonathon said with a hint of impatience, “If
you don’t do it, I’ll do it for you.” Already his hands were moving forward, gripping the hem
of Jungkook’s oversized T-shirt. Something he had stolen from Yoongi’s closet before
leaving.

Jungkook shoved Jonathon’s hands away. “N-no I’ll do it.” he stuttered.

He didn’t know why he was agreeing to this. Something about Kevin’s determination to not
look at them and Jonathon’s smirk made him deeply uncomfortable, giving him a sense of
foreboding if he didn’t do what he was told. Quickly, Jungkook pulled his shirt over his head,
trying to blink away the sting in his eyes. His cheeks flushed as Jonathon pried the bundled
clothing away from his hands and tossed it to the other side of the bed. His skin prickled with
goosebumps. Jungkook wrapped his arms around himself, trying to conceal his torso as best
as he could from Jonathon’s leering gaze.

“You’re so cute,” Jonathon said and this time, in no way that could be misconstrued as an
accident, his hand returned to Jungkook’s leg, sliding up his jeans and getting dangerously
close to his crotch.

Jungkook let out a squeak of surprise and tried to get up. Jonathon’s other hand lashed out
and gripped his arm, pulling him back down.

“I-I don’t want to d-do this anymore.” Jungkook choked out, his tears welling up and
threatening to spill over.

Jonathon retracted his hands and held them up in a gesture of surrender, his expression
morphing to one of innocence. “Okay, okay, I was just messing around. Calm down.”

Jungkook fumbled with nervous hands to put back on his shirt. He rushed towards the
bedroom door without looking at either of them.

“It was fun hanging out with you Kookie. We should do it again some time.” Jonathon called
after him.

Jungkook stormed back to his own room, shutting the door unnecessarily hard behind him,
feeling humiliated, angry, and a little scared. He collapsed face-first onto his bed, burying his
face in his pillow to blot away his tears. Should he tell his dad? And tell him what? That
Jonathon tricked him into taking off his shirt as a joke but backed off when Jungkook got
upset? He’d just seem like a crybaby. His dad was too busy with other things to care about
some stupid argument between them. He wished he was still back with Jin and Joon. Sure, he
argued with his brothers a lot but they didn’t bully or embarrass him like that. He hoped that
now Jonathon and Kevin had had their fun they’d leave him alone and they could continue
living like the other didn’t exist.

---

The animated conversation Jimin was having with Tae about some dating rumors within their
friend group sputtered out and died nearly the moment Jungkook wandered into the living
room, looking like a sad ghost. For a second there was an awkward lull until Taehyung piped
up, “Jungkookie, want to play video games with us?”

Jimin didn’t protest – Tae had been pestering him to be nicer to Jungkook - but he gripped his
controller tighter in an attempt to quell his frustration.

“Um, no thank you,” Jungkook said, continuing to stand there awkwardly.

“Oh, well, okay. You can watch if you want.” Hoseok replied, patting the cushion next to
him.

Hoseok, too, had been annoyingly preoccupied with Jungkook lately.

Hobi always liked to play a role somewhere in between older brother and parent. He thought
he was so mature. A few days ago he had pulled Jimin aside out of nowhere to lecture, “You
need to get over whatever problem you have with him, Jimin. You’re not a little kid anymore,
you’re too old to be jealous like this.”

He wasn’t jealous of Jungkook or the attention he got from their dads no matter what the
others thought. No, he was fed up with the way everyone’s expressions became fake and soft
whenever Jungkook so much as breathed near them. How everyone held their breath in
anticipation of more marks suddenly lining Jungkook’s arms, just waiting for the day he did
what Yoongi had tried. Weren’t they sick of living like this? Didn’t they see how tired Jin
looked? Or how sad Namjoon’s expression became when Jungkook wasn’t in the room? He’d
heard both of his dads crying more than once when they thought everyone was upstairs. Even
though he knew whatever had happened wasn’t Jungkook’s fault, his brother’s presence was
like a poison.

Even though there was plenty of room on the couch, Jungkook chose to huddle onto the floor,
twiddling his thumbs nervously. From the corner of his eye, Jimin could see Hoseok’s jaw
working. He really hoped his older brother wasn’t gearing up to start a conversation with
Jungkook about his feelings or something.

Before anyone could say anything, Jimin resumed the game forcing their attention back to the
screen. Binky also walked slowly into the room and beelined for Jungkook since he was too
old to jump on the couch anymore. Jimin couldn’t help glancing at Jungkook every now and
then, unnerved by his younger brother’s thousand-yard stare. It was creepy. Apparently Binky
also didn’t like it because he tried to get Jungkook’s attention by licking his face.
Good, let the dog deal with it.

“STOP IT, GET OFF OF ME!”

Jungkook’s scream was followed by a pained yelp. Binky toppled over as Jungkook shoved
him violently away. Jimin darted off the couch to protect the dog from further harm while
Hoseok swore under his breath, jumping into action. “Tae, go get dad.”

Luckily Jin had only been a couple rooms over in the kitchen preparing dinner and heard the
commotion and was already storming over. “Namjoon is in the garage,” he said and
Taehyung nodded before scurrying away to fetch him.

Jimin glared at Jungkook as the glassiness in his brother’s expression faded, tear tracks on his
cheeks.

“You hurt Binky!” Jimin snapped.

“Jimin,” Jin said, his tone sharp and warning.

Jungkook let out a sudden wail that had everyone flinching back.

“He’s fucking crazy!” Jimin shouted.

His dad shot him a thunderous look. “Jimin, go to your room, now.”

Jimin felt his own face heat up in anger. That’s all they told any of them to do these days.
Namjoon or Jin would constantly remind them to ‘not do anything that would upset
Jungkook.’ But that was impossible seeing as he would be set off at the drop of a hat because
they didn’t even know what made him like that in the first place. It was always something
along the lines of, ‘Jungkook isn’t feeling well - stay in your rooms and be quiet’. Jimin
hadn’t had a friend over in months because ‘Jungkook couldn’t handle that right now’. Not
even for his birthday. He could feel a vein pulsing in his temple as his fear and frustration
grew and grew.

“Instead of turning this house into a prison, why don’t you just lock him up in some psych-
ward already!” Jimin screamed.

Taehyung had returned with Namjoon and they both froze mid-step at his words. Hoseok let
out an audible gasp. Jungkook was shaking like a leaf and staring at him with giant, watery
eyes that Jimin could no longer recognize. Worst of all was Jin. The anger in his dad's
expression ignited a deep, primal fear in Jimin that he had never really managed to overcome
when adults were upset with him. He shrank back.

“Jimin. Go to your room,” Jin repeated and his voice was icy cold.

Jimin fled upstairs as fast as his legs would carry him, anything to get away from Jin’s rage
and Jungkook’s broken sobs.

---

Jungkook sat on the floor, his back pressed up against the couch with his knees pulled to his
chest. He preferred being on the floor and having more space to himself. He shifted and
blinked. Today the memories kept resurfacing no matter how hard he tried to push them back
down.
In the beginning, Jonathon had rules of where they could touch him or what they could do
because he was still concerned with noticeable marks or pushing Jungkook too suddenly over
the edge, leading him to tell someone what was happening.

Jonathon had ordered him to sit down on a plain looking chair near the center of the room
while he got the clients. Jungkook shifted, looking around the room. There were no windows.
They’d gone down a staircase so he assumed it was some sort of basement. The walls were
plain drywall and the floor smooth concrete, it kind of reminded him of a garage. There was a
blue gymnastics mat in one corner. A large trunk in the other with a lock on it. A few feet
away from the chair he was sitting in was a wooden table. Most ominously was the old,
single bed in the corner with a metal headboard. Jungkook hoped whatever happened they
wouldn’t take him to the bed.

He stiffened as he heard a door open and shut distantly and footsteps descending the
staircase. He couldn’t tell how many people it was. His heartrate started to pick up. The few
people Jonathon had pimped him out to before were always alone and it always happened in
their car. Is the reason they were in this room was because it was bigger? It could fit more
people? He blinked rapidly trying to shove down his tears. Don’t let them see you cry. He
would repeat this mantra in his head futilely because he knew it was some weird power thing
they liked. But he couldn’t help it. He always cried. He was so scared.

Jonathon and two strangers entered the room. Both looked young like Jonathon, in their mid-
to-late twenties probably. One of the men wasted no time in approaching Jungkook.
Jungkook shied back against the chair but he was under strict orders to remain seated
otherwise Jonathon threatened to tie him up and Jungkook didn’t think he could handle that.

“He’s so cute,” the man said tickling him under his chin like was some sort of puppy. The
tears Jungkook had been trying to hold back welled up and spilled over.

“Please don’t,” Jungkook said automatically even though he knew by now it didn’t matter
what he said or did.

“Aw, don’t cry, I’m going to be real good to you,” the man continued leaning down and
pressing a kiss to his jaw. Jungkook shuddered, his stomach knotting. He still remained
seated to the chair, hands clenched around the armrests, even more terrified of what would
happen if he got up.

“Good boy,” Jonathon said, approaching him too and ruffling his hair.

The man continued to kiss his jaw, moving lower to slide his tongue on his neck. Jungkook
was starting to lose it.

“D-don’t, stop it,” he begged, his eyes pinched shut.

The tongue ran all the way up the side of his face and then he just couldn’t anymore.

“STOP IT, GET OFF OF ME!” Jungkook screamed, throwing a fist out blindly. It made
contact with something warm and solid and there was a whimper that didn’t sound human at
all. What? Jungkook panicked further, shoving the body away with all his might. Instead of
clothing or skin all he felt was softness and warmth. Like fur. There were a lot of sounds and
sensations that didn’t make sense. Jungkook opened his eyes and was greeted with the
horrified faces of Taehyung and Hoseok in front of him, Jimin was holding Binky
protectively against his chest.

“You hurt Binky!” he accused.

“N-no I didn’t it w-was…” Jungkook stuttered. He cowered back against the couch as his
brain caught up to the situation. He’d been so lost in his thoughts he hadn’t even realized he
was at Jin and Joon’s house. It wasn’t some stranger kissing him, it was Binky who was soft
and gentle, licking his face. He screamed. Or someone screamed. He was sure he heard a
scream.

Jungkook imagined how insane he must look. One minute zoning out and staring into the
void and the next screaming hysterically, taking it out on Binky who had never hurt a fly.
Jungkook felt there was an iron weight on his chest preventing him from breathing. The only
thing he managed to hear above the roar in his own head was Jimin yelling at him that he was
crazy. He knew. He knew.

Jungkook burst into tears. “I’m s-sorry I didn’t mean to! I’m s-s-sorry, I’m sorry! I-I-I’m-

And then Jin was in front of him, “Come on Kookie, it’s okay, I know. Let’s get you up.
There you go,” as Jin lead him into their bedroom and away from his brothers’ stares and
questions.

Jungkook wrenched his hand out of Jin’s and collapsed on the carpet, scooting back until he
made contact with the wall where he curled into a ball, hiding his face in his knees and hands
in his hair. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt him! I didn’t!”

“Shh, it’s okay Kookie. Don’t worry about it. We know.” Jin assured.

But it wasn’t okay. He was crazy and everyone knew it and now no one would love him not
even Binky or Jemma.

“’M sorry..I d-didn’t mean to h-hurt him.” Jungkook repeated. It was difficult to get his
tongue to form the words. He was just so tired of feeling like this all the time. He hated it.

“Jimin was just being dramatic, Binky is fine.” Jin said.

In fact, Binky had even followed them into the bedroom. Jungkook squinted at him through
puffy eyes to make sure everything actually was okay and Jin and Joon weren’t just being
nice to him. Binky’s tail started wagging and he ambled closer after noticing the attention that
was being paid to him.

“Here, see,” Namjoon said, “he’s already forgotten, he’s not mad at you, he loves you too
much just like me and Jin. You can give him a few gentle touches to make up for it if you still
feel bad.”
Jungkook started sniffling again as he stroked Binky’s long golden fur. “I’m sorry,” he said,
his voice still hitching pathetically. He started to feel more and more self-conscious about the
fact that he was curled into the corner of their bedroom and he tried to stand up only to have
his knees nearly buckle beneath him.

“Hey, hey, take it easy. I’ve got you,” Namjoon said softly, leading him over to their bed and
sitting him on its edge.

It made Jungkook’s tattered heart ache with how they were so nice to him all the time.

“I’ll be right back, I’m going to talk to Jimin.” Jin said.

Jungkook looked down at his lap, his hands starting to shake again.

“I’m s-sorry.”

“He’s the one that needs to apologize,” Jin said in a clipped tone before stalking out of the
room.

Jungkook pressed himself nervously into Namjoon’s side. Jungkook was the one ruining the
entire house, not Jimin. Jimin was just the only one who actually told the truth. He didn’t
pretend.

---

Jimin startled as his door was flung open with barely a knock. Jin stood in the doorway and
was more angry than Jimin had ever seen him.

“We need to talk,” Jin said curtly entering the room.

Despite his fear at being the subject of Jin’s wrath Jimin wasn’t going to back down. He
stood to his feet even as his emotions betrayed him and tears pricked his eyes. “Why is he
worth so much compared to all of us? He’s making everyone miserable and you don’t even
seem to care!” Tears started to pour freely down his face as he continued. “He was triggered
by freaking Mario Kart for fuck’s sake!”

“Don’t use that language! I know it’s difficult on all of us but Jungkook is really suffering
and he’s your brother.”

“He’s not even part of our family!”

Pain flashed through Jin’s eyes. “He is. Just not legally. He’s just as much my son as you are.
Don’t you ever say that again. You are allowed to be upset and affected by the situation. But
you cannot and will not take that out on Jungkook.” And then Jin turned around and stalked
out of the room, shutting the door a little too hard and leaving Jimin sitting on his bed with
unresolved tears of anger pouring down his cheeks.

---
“How’s he doing?” Jungkook heard Jin ask. Jungkook was curled in a ball on the bed with his
back to Jin. Namjoon sat beside him, rubbing soothing circles between his shoulder blades.
He’d heard Jin and Jimin’s raised voices even from downstairs but hadn’t been able to make
out what they had said.

“Can you get a sweatshirt from the closet? He’s cold.” Namjoon said.

Jungkook couldn’t even bring himself to feel offended that they were talking like he couldn’t
hear them. He was too sad and tired for that. Namjoon had given him the medication for his
panic disorder just a couple minutes ago and it worked quickly.

Jungkook couldn’t bring himself to say even a single word. At least the panic had mostly died
down, otherwise he knew he wouldn’t be able to stand being touched by Namjoon. But right
now he needed the comfort. Since he usually avoided all physical forms of contact, when he
could stand to be touched it was like he all the moments he wasn’t given it or rejected it piled
up into one big craving. Like going through withdrawal. He wished he was still a little kid. It
was what he felt like.

“Kookie, let’s put this on okay?” Jin said, entering his field of vision with a black hoodie.

Namjoon helped him to sit up as violent shivers wracked his body. Jin pulled it over his head
and Jungkook forced his arms through the sleeves and tightened the hood around his face
before bringing his arms back against his chest in a lonely self-hug.

“How are you feeling?” Namjoon asked, this time directing the question at him.

Still unable to speak he just shook his head before timidly leaning over until he was pressed
against Namjoon’s side. Namjoon wrapped a long, muscular arm around him. “Is this okay?”
he asked.

Jungkook nodded. He gradually leaned further and further into Namjoon, who in response
held him tighter until he was practically in Namjoon’s lap. Jungkook couldn’t even bring
himself to feel embarrassed about it.

“I’m sorry.” He eventually croaked out.

“You have nothing to apologize for, sweetheart.”

“I’m making everyone upset.” Jungkook said, daring them to deny it.

“It’s okay. We understand you’re going through a rough time and we’ll talk to your brothers
so they understand too.”

Jungkook ripped himself away from Namjoon at those words, his anxiety trying to sprout
through the haze of his medication. “Y-you can’t tell them what h-happened to me! You
promised!” His tongue felt heavy in his mouth, the words slightly slurred.

“No, no, no, come here, I didn’t mean it like that. I’ll just explain that they need to be
patient.” Namjoon backtracked. “Come here Kookie, I didn’t mean it like that.”
Slowly Jungkook let himself sink back into Namjoon’s arms. His bottom lip started to
wobble again. He was so exhausted.

“Why are you crying, sweetheart? Do you think you can tell me what’s wrong?”

“I’m s-s-sorry,” Jungkook cried again.

Namjoon let out a tired sigh. “I told you there’s nothing to apologize for.”

“I know I’m c-crazy, but please don’t k-kick me out. I don't want to l-live with another f-
family,” Jungkook sobbed.

“We don’t want you to either.” Jin said from somewhere to his left. “We’re a family.
Sometimes we fight and things are hard but we stay together.”

“Does J-jimin hate me?” Jungkook managed to ask.

“He doesn’t hate you, he just hates seeing you like this because he loves you too. He’ll
apologize when you’re feeling better.”

“He doesn’t have to,” Jungkook whispered. He let his heavy eyelids fall shut. He could feel
Namjoon or Jin situating him on the bed so his head was on the pillow. The fluffy duvet was
pulled up to his chin and he gave into the warmth and comfort. It was better to be asleep
anyways.

---

“Yes?” Hoseok called out as a knock resounded on his door.

Jin opened it.

“How’s Jungkook?” he asked immediately.

“He’s doing okay,” his dad replied. “He’s sleeping down in our room. We’re going to have a
family meeting in a few minutes. Come down to the living room…where’s Yoongi?”

“The bathroom,” Hoseok replied, his apprehension growing fast. He knew Jimin must be in
trouble.

“Well, tell him to come downstairs when he’s done.” Jin said.

“Okay.”

Five minutes later and their whole family, minus Jungkook, was gathered in the living room.
Jimin’s eyes were puffy and red and he sat on the rocking chair alone, the furthest away he
could be from Namjoon or Jin. Jin was sitting in the armchair, his jaw clenched as he stared
at his feet. Namjoon looked calmer, sitting on the couch with his legs crossed.

Taehyung also looked like he’d been crying - Hoseok hadn’t known where’d he gone off to
after Jungkook’s panic attack and was perched next to Namjoon with his knees drawn to his
chest. Hoseok and Yoongi took up the remaining space on the couch on their dad’s other side.

“We need to talk about Jungkook.” Namjoon began, stating the obvious. “We can’t tell you
all what happened to him but it’s important you know some things.”

“We all know he was sexually assaulted,” Yoongi said bluntly. Hoseok flinched. Of course,
deep down, Hoseok had known this but it still hurt to hear it spelled out.

Namjoon and Jin also tensed. After a beat Namjoon continued. “Yes, that’s true, but that’s not
all. Just know there was a lot of emotional abuse too and now he has to work through all the
lies he was told. It’s really confusing for him. He’s seeing a couple specialists about it. It’s
important that we let him know we love him and want him here.” At the last sentence a slight
hardness had entered Namjoon’s voice and he looked pointedly at Jimin. His younger
brother’s cheeks flushed.

“It’s not f-fair,” Jimin said weakly.

Namjoon raised a hand to quiet him. “I’m not done. I know it’s not fair. It’s not fair to you
guys or to Jungkook. I know he requires a lot of our time and attention right now but you’re
also older and becoming more independent. I understand it’s scary to see him like this but if
the situation wasn’t so serious we wouldn’t be going through all this to help him. I wish I
could say it will get better soon but the truth is Jungkook is going to need our help and
support for a very long time. I don’t expect you to be happy about the situation but I do
expect you to show him compassion and respect.”

Namjoon paused, letting his words sink in before taking another deep breath and continuing.

“I think we have two options. We could let ourselves feel overwhelmed by the situation or we
could come together as a family and rely on each other. I’m not saying it’s going to be easy
and I’m sorry we haven’t made the time to discuss this earlier. We should have.”

There was a long silence. Hoseok could tell Namjoon expected one of them to say something.
He could see the gears turning in Yoongi’s mind and both Jimin and Taehyung looked upset
like they were still on the verge of tears. Jin was rubbing his face in exhaustion.

“I want to help Jungkook,” Hoseok said nervously. It sounded lame when said out loud.

“I know you do, Hobi,” Namjoon sighed. “Thank you.”

Jin finally spoke. “The truth is even Namjoon and I don’t always know how to help him. And
what he needs could change every day or even every hour. It’s not your responsibility to take
care of him but like Namjoon said you do need to treat him with kindness. If you’re feeling
upset about something, whether or not it has to do with Jungkook, please come to us first
instead of bottling it up.” He paused and he looked up at Jimin who quickly ducked his head
to avoid eye contact. “I’m sorry if we made you feel like you couldn’t.” Then Jin’s gaze
shifted to Yoongi. He looked worried, a similar expression to the one he often wore when
looking at Jungkook.
For some reason the gaze made Hoseok uncomfortable so he piped up, “Are you going to be
able to adopt him soon?”

“We’re working on it,” Jin said. “I guess another thing we should tell you is that the ones
hurting him were his stepbrothers, not his father. His father hasn’t been charged with
anything and is still interested in pursuing custody but the circumstances certainly aren’t in
his favor. As you know though, with how things have gone in the past, we can’t make any
promises. Also, the legal cases against his stepbrothers and…others…will probably begin in
a couple months. This may also take a lot of our time. We’ll let you know when we have
more information about it but it’s just something to be aware of.”

Another silence ensued.

“Well, I guess that’s everything for now. Any questions?” Namjoon asked. There was another
silence and Namjoon looked expectantly at Jimin but his younger brother continued to stare
at the floor.

“Alright, you probably need some time to process stuff,” Namjoon said. “Please, please let us
know if you want to talk to a professional about everything too.”

Hoseok got the feeling they were going to probably force Jimin and Yoongi back to therapy
either way but would speak to them privately about it.

“Let's try to talk together as a family once a month or something. And maybe Jungkook can
join too if he feels up to it. Meeting adjourned,” his dad said with a wan smile.

Jimin immediately stood up.

“Wait, wait, wait.” Jin said. “I think we should tell each other that we love each other.”

“Nah, I’m good.” Yoongi said, stretching his arms above his head.

“I think it will be good,” Jin said firmly.

“You already made us sit in a friendship circle and talk about our feelings,” Yoongi
complained.

“You didn’t even say anything,” Taehyung pointed out.

“Neither did you,” Yoongi shot back.

“We’re are not arguing right now, we are saying ‘I love you’,” Jin pressed.

Yoongi rolled his eyes.

“I love you,” Taehyung said, getting up and hugging Jin.

“I love you too,” Jin replied, squeezing him back.

“He’s making the rest of us look bad,” Hoseok attempted to joke.

Tae walked over to Jimin to do the same, although Jimin returned it stiffly and rushed back
upstairs the moment he was free. Jimin was always sensitive and it took a while for him to
sort out his emotions but Hoseok hoped he would start feeling a little better about the whole
situation.

Hoseok said his own ‘I love you’s’, and Yoongi rolled his eyes one last time before following
after Jimin. Taehyung soon left too but Hoseok lingered in the living room.

“What’s wrong Hobi?” Namjoon asked.

“Yoongi’s…” Hoseok trailed off, and he didn’t miss the way Jin and Namjoon tensed.

“Yoongi’s what?” Jin prompted. “Is he doing okay?”

At this, Hoseok’s brow furrowed and he looked up at Jin with a challenge in his eye,
“Yoongi’s stronger than you give him credit for.”

“..okay,” Jin said, clearly taken aback.

“It’s obvious how you keep looking at him like Jungkook’s going to trigger him or
something. You should stop doing that.” Hoseok continued.

“I don’t do it to be mean or because I think he isn’t strong, I’m always going to worry about
him,” Jin explained.

“Well it’s not just you, it’s the others too. Even Jungkook sometimes looks at him like that.”
Hoseok said, his words now bold and strong.

“Okay, okay, we’ll try to back off a bit.” Namjoon placated before hedging, “I hope he knows
he can come to us though. It’s nothing to be ashamed of if Jungkook’s situation does trigger
him.”

“He knows,” Hoseok said calmly before finally going upstairs.

 Chapter 12
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes

Jimin cleared his throat nervously. “Hey, Jungkookie.”

Jungkook looked up, startled, from the couch where he was on his computer reading a
webcomic. His younger brother stared at him like he had two heads. Jimin pretended to not
see the fear in his wide, dark eyes.

“Want to come up to my room? I think we should talk.”

He cringed internally. It sounded awkward but he’d dug this hole himself and now he had to
make amends. Jungkook was silent for too long and Jimin began to get apprehensive
goosebumps. He rubbed the back of his neck. “Jungkook..?” he tried again.

“Oh, um, okay. Right..right now?” Jungkook stuttered.

“If it’s okay. Unless you’re busy.” Jimin said to be polite although he knew Jungkook was
never busy nowadays except when he had to go to his therapy or doctor appointments.

Jungkook slowly closed the lid of his laptop, his body hunching down nervously with it. Still,
he managed to stand up and pad meekly over to Jimin. Jimin tried to give him a reassuring
smile but Jungkook was refusing to meet his eyes so he let it drop from his face. Taehyung
was out with friends right now so they’d have the bedroom to themselves. They walked
upstairs and Jungkook sat down on Taehyung’s bed while Jimin closed the door and sat down
at the opposite wall on his own bed.

The tension was building and Jimin was worried Jungkook would start crying or having
another panic before he could even begin if the submissive curl of his back and the faint
shaking of his hands was anything to go by.

“So…” Jimin began. “I, um, wanted to apologize to you.”

“It’s okay,” Jungkook replied immediately. “You don’t have to.”

“I want to though.”

“Do you really?” Jungkook asked and there was a bite to his voice which frankly Jimin
preferred to the anxious wavering of before. “Or is it just Jin and Joon making you say that?”

“No…Jungkook it’s not that. I feel bad about how I’ve been acting. I was being shitty. I
promise I didn’t mean to get upset I just get really scared sometimes when you…and, um, I
reacted like that. It was my fault. But I wasn’t actually mad at you or anything I just...” Jimin
trailed off.
Jungkook was physically recoiling further and further with every word and Jimin could feel
his eyes burning with tears as his frustration grew again. Why did he keep messing things up
and making things even harder for himself and Jungkook? Why couldn’t he be like his other
brothers who were always so good-natured and protective when it came to each other?

“Listen, I know I’m not like Hobi or Yoongi or Tae or anything. But you know I love you,
right? And that I want you to get better? I want you to stay here too. I wish you never left.”

“Okay.” Jungkook said. His little brother’s expression had closed off and it was like stone,
hard and unreadable.

“And…and…I want to be a better brother to you. So I talked to dad – Jin – and I’m, um,
going to go to therapy again in a couple of weeks.”

Jungkook actually looked up at that, surprise written across his face. “Why? You’re not…
you’re not crazy.”

Now Jimin winced. “No, I’m not. But being in therapy doesn’t mean you’re crazy. We all
used to go when were little, remember? And I’m really sorry I said that. I didn’t mean it. I
don’t think you’re crazy. Jin said you were having a panic attack and were just confused.”

“I didn’t know where I was or what was happening. I was hallucinating people and things
that weren’t there. Isn’t that the definition of crazy?” Jungkook spat, his tone again hostile.
Jimin got the feeling it wasn’t him who Jungkook was angry at this time.

“I don’t know…but I know you went through some really bad things and you can’t just move
on from stuff like that,” Jimin said.

“Stuff like what?” Jungkook challenged, daring him to say it. “What kind of stuff is it that
you think I went through?”

“Jungkook,” Jimin pleaded. “I don’t want to fight.”

Couldn’t Jungkook see that he was trying to extend an olive branch? He felt bad for what he
said and how he’d been avoiding Jungkook but he wasn’t a therapist or a doctor. He didn’t
know how he was supposed to handle his little brother. He couldn’t lessen or make
Jungkook’s problems go away. He couldn’t take back what had happened to him. He couldn’t
even prevent Jungkook from being taken away again if it came to that.

“So what is it that you want?” Jungkook rasped.

“I just want us to hang out again. I missed you when you were gone and I still miss you. I’m
sorry I’ve been ignoring you and said mean things. I won’t do it again.”

“Fine, whatever,” Jungkook said before uncurling himself and sliding off the bed.

Only after he left did Jimin let a few tears fall and slip down his cheeks. It was true that he
missed Jungkook. He missed him so much. But he suspected that the Jungkook he missed
didn’t exist anymore and he wasn’t going to get him back.
 ---

After Jin and Namjooon expressed their concerns, the psychiatrist had instructed them to
wean Jungkook off his current medication while they slowly introduced a new one. A couple
weeks passed and while still tired, Jungkook’s energy levels were slowly increasing. Jin
couldn’t help but be optimistic they were on the right track. Sure, after the panic attack he’d
had in front of his brothers he had been incredibly withdrawn for a few days. But he was
gradually coming out of his shell again. Maybe it was because of the medication switch or
Jimin apologizing and everyone making more of an effort to include him but Jungkook
seemed to be doing a bit better emotionally this week. A much needed victory after months
of hardship.

Jin raised an eyebrow as Jungkook kept looking at the clock as he shuffled his therapy
workbook pages and notebook on the kitchen table, sighing rather dramatically.

“Are you feeling anxious?” Jin asked. It wouldn’t be the first time Jungkook had a panic
attack before going to therapy.

“I have a lot to tell Jamie,” Jungkook said with a hint of impatience.

Jin’s eyes widened at the statement. Jamie was his therapist. He wanted to go to his therapy
appointment? He wanted to talk? Jin quickly turned away and gripped the edge of the kitchen
sink as his eyes suddenly welled with tears that he need to force down. Jungkook really was
making progress.

“Don’t worry, we won’t be late,” Jin assured, grateful that his voice remained steady.

Jungkook huffed and started leafing through the notebook again, squinting his eyes at some
of the things he had written there.

---

“It’s actually easier if you put your second finger here,” Yoongi demonstrated.

“My finger hurts,” Jungkook complained.

“You’ll build up callouses after a while.”

Since Christmas he had been teaching Jungkook how to play guitar. Yoongi was no expert
himself but it gave him an excuse to spend more time with his little brother.

“I have no idea how people sing and play at the same time, it feels impossible.” Jungkook
said.

“It’s muscle memory. You just need to keep practicing and be patient.”

An unreadable expression flashed over Jungkook’s face. It was gone so quickly Yoongi
wondered if he had imagined it but knew he probably hadn’t. Jungkook’s trauma-altered
brain was now an enigma to him. Even if Jungkook was making small strides in talking and
hanging out with them more it still felt overly-cautious and superficial. He never talked about
his father or stepbrothers. It was like he wanted to pretend he had never left in the first place.
Yoongi couldn’t blame him, he probably had to discuss it enough with his thrice-weekly
therapy sessions plus the meetings with his social worker and maybe even other people
Yoongi wasn’t aware of. He didn’t want to pry but it was clear Jungkook was haunted and
generally deeply unhappy on a level that affected his daily life.

Moreover, Jungkook now hadn’t been to school in months nor was he getting any sort of
homeschooling or private tutoring. No one mentioned it so Yoongi didn’t either. Yoongi knew
from personal experience how much Namjoon and Jin cared about them getting what they
considered to be a proper education. He was more worried about the socialization aspects of
school that Jungkook was missing out on.

“Have you talked to any of your friends recently?” Yoongi asked, trying to sound casual.
Jungkook used to have friends over practically every weekend.

Jungkook’s face fell. “No.”

“I’m sure they miss you.”

“They don’t.” Jungkook said. “I don’t have friends anymore.”

“Yeah you do.”

Jungkook looked up at him. Yoongi offered him a small smile and nudged him with his
shoulder. Jungkook’s ears turned red and he quickly turned away, pretending to be engrossed
with the chords he had just learned.

That evening, Yoongi knocked on his dads’ bedroom door, trying to brace himself for the
reaction he knew his news would receive.

“Is something wrong?” Jin asked as Yoongi sat on the edge of their bed and traced the pattern
on the duvet with his index finger self-consciously.

“No…but I applied to that music-production program at the Icon Collective school in LA you
mentioned. I, um, got into the program on almost a full scholarship,” Yoongi said quietly.

Namjoon managed to elbow off half the things on his nightstand in his excitement. Yoongi
winced at the commotion. “Yoongi, that’s fantastic! I'm so proud of you!” Namjoon
exclaimed. Yoongi felt himself becoming even more self-conscious.

“Why do you look so gloomy? You don’t want to go?” Jin asked.

“No. I mean yes. I mean no. I mean, you can attend online or in-person. I know I always
talked about moving to LA as soon as I graduated but, um, I’m really worried about
Jungkook.” Yoongi said.

Namjoon’s excitement bled out of him as quickly as it had come. He noticed with a shock
that Yoongi’s eyes were rapidly filling with tears. “Oh, honey, come here,” Namjoon said
maneuvering off the bed and pulling Yoongi into a hug. Yoongi normally didn’t engage in
physical contact but right now it felt nice. “I know you love Jungkook and you’re worried
about him but he’s our responsibility. Not yours.”

“I know b-but I can’t just l-leave. And I know Hoseok was excited about having his own r-
room and…” Yoongi trailed off and hiccupped a few times. He fought for self-control
because he was being so embarrassing. His voice was relatively steady when he continued, “I
can do the first year online and keep working here and saving up and then move for the
second year.”

“But is that what you want?” Namjoon asked.

“Y-yes.” Another deep breath. “And besides I looked at apartment ads in LA they’re all
expensive and shitty.”

Jin chuckled. “We warned you about that. Well, if this is what you want we’ll support you.”

“It is,” Yoongi said.

“I’m proud of you. I’m happy that you love your brother so much you’d make this choice for
him.”

“With everything that’s happened my interest in music seems kind of stupid,” Yoongi
admitted.

“That’s not true.” Jin chided. “It’s not stupid or unimportant. I know we all have different
perspectives now but don’t let it invalidate your own feelings and goals.”

“Do you think he’ll ever get better?” Yoongi asked.

“I think it will always be a part of him but I also think he can live a life he wants.”

“Okay,” Yoongi replied. He figured if his dads trusted him enough to let him make this
decision, he could return the favor and trust that they knew what they were doing with
Jungkook.

---

Jungkook mustered all his courage. “Jin?” he asked.

“Yes Kookie?”

“Um..I was wondering, if uh…”

Jin turned to face him fully. “What is it?”

“Can I…can I invite a friend over?”

Jin’s eyebrows shot into his hairline and Jungkook felt even more uncomfortable and
embarrassed. How lame was he that asking if he could have a friend over was such a big
deal? Yoongi was being nice to him but it was pathetic if his only ‘friends’ were the people
he was forced to live and interact with.

He hadn’t told anyone this but he’d been texting his friend Mia every now and then.
Jungkook didn’t have the courage to text his former best-friend Jacob or the rest of his soccer
teammates even though apparently word had gotten out that he was back with Jin and Joon.
A few of them had sent him messages asking how he was and what he was up to.

He knew his old friends wouldn’t pry but that was almost part of the problem – they would
expect him to act like everything was normal and he just couldn’t do that. Mia, however, had
an adopted brother even though she herself was a biological child. Her brother had special
needs and overall she just understood the kind of unconventional background he came from
better than anyone else he knew outside of Jin and Joon’s family.

“Of course. Did you want to have Jacob over?” Jin asked, almost too eager.

“No. My friend Mia.” Jungkook whispered.

“Who?”

“I don’t know if you ever met her. She also does soccer. We used to have some classes
together.”

“Alright, well, it’s fine. Just let me know when.”

Jungkook nodded before retreating back to his room. He hadn’t actually asked Mia yet if she
wanted to hang out and bringing the subject up to Jin had used up all the energy he had
towards the matter for the day. Maybe he’d ask her tomorrow.

---

Jungkook fought not to blush. He’d never had a girl in his room before, except when he was
little and those types of things didn’t matter. Of course he had no interest in her romantically
or anything. Not anymore at least. In fact, that whole territory was dangerous to even think
about. The mere idea of intimacy, romantic or platonic, set his pulse racing and would cause
nausea to thicken in his stomach. He blinked furiously, trying to stay focused and seem not
crazy.

Right now he was showing Mia some of the art he had been working on. It was one of the
only activities that made him feel calm. He would get so into his drawings that hours could
pass. It almost felt like a form of mediation. His therapist encouraged the activity so he found
himself doing it more and more often to whittle away the hours. Not that he would tell Mia
the last part.

“These are so good Jungkook! Could you draw my dog? I’ll pay you!” Mia begged as she
flipped through his sketchbook.

“Pay me with what money, you don’t have a job,” Jungkook snorted.

“I get allowance.”
“I doubt it’s enough for what I charge.” Jungkook teased. He could do this. He could joke and
banter and be normal.

Mia swatted him playfully on the arm. “Don’t be mean! I bet I’m your first customer.”

“Okay, okay fine. You can send me a reference picture. I’ll do it for free. Consider it a late
birthday present.” He was still touched she had invited him to her birthday even though he
had made no effort on his end to stay connected with her after he moved. He felt doubly
guilty because he had missed it even if his phone had been at the police station so he had no
way of knowing she had contacted him.

Mia laughed and it sounded so pure and carefree that Jungkook felt a wave of jealousy. He
shoved it down.

“You know,” Mia said, oblivious to Jungkook’s inner turmoil, “you should start an Instagram
for your art or something. You could probably get a lot of followers and sell it or something.”

“I don’t do it because I want to make money,” Jungkook replied.

“Fair point,” Mia shrugged. “Hey, can you play me something on guitar yet?”

He and Mia shared music tastes. Although she didn’t play any instruments she was in choir
and had a nice voice.

“Oh, um, I'm not good or anything. My brother, um, I mean Yoongi, has taught me some
things. But, like, not enough.” Jungkook said, feeling self-conscious.

“Why’d you say it like that?” Mia asked.

“Say what?”

“You said ‘my brother’ but then corrected yourself,” Mia said.

“Because he’s not my brother. Not really.” Jungkook said flatly.

“Why?” Mia pressed.

“Because we’re not related.”

“My brother was adopted but he’s still my brother,” Mia challenged.

“Well I’m not adopted. I'm the only one in this house who isn’t!” Jungkook shot back, his
voice sharper than he intended.

He felt guilty to yell at her, but Mia, although kind, wasn’t timid. She only looked a little
surprised and her gaze was scrutinizing.

“Adoption is just a legal thing, a piece of paper. It’s not what actually makes a family. It
doesn’t matter.” she argued back.
 “It does matter! It matters because it means I might not be able to live here,” Jungkook said.
His voice had started off strong but tapered off into a pathetic waver by the end.

Mia’s expression fell and she realized she had struck a nerve. “I’m sorry Jungkook. I didn’t
know you were worried about that. I thought your foster parents were planning to adopt you.”

“I mean, they are. I think. But my social worker told me my dad wants me back,” Jungkook
confessed.

“But he can’t if-

Mia cut off her last statement. She was too respectful to press further but he could see the
gears turning in her perceptive eyes. She didn’t know why he had landed back at Jin and
Joon’s. She had probably assumed his father started drinking again or something and wasn’t
allowed custody of him anymore. Jungkook was more than happy to have her think that.

“I don’t know, I’ll just have to see,” he mumbled.

“Alright,” Mia said carefully. “Well, I’ll show you the ukulele cover I did of Grace
Vanderwaal’s ‘Beautiful Thing’ if you play me something on guitar.”

Jungkook allowed himself to be led on the tangent. “I didn’t know you played ukulele.”

“Yeah I got one for my birthday,” Mia said.“I posted it on Youtube. I try to upload two covers
every month.”

“Oh cool. Wait here, I’m gonna get my brother’s Bluetooth speaker so we can listen better,”
Jungkook said. He decided not to correct his mistake of calling Yoongi his brother this time.

Chapter End Notes

While school's in full swing I think I'm gonna post shorter chapters for the next while so
I can post them more often.
 Chapter 13
Chapter Notes

Figured I'd give a roadmap of my plans for this story. I'm definitely expecting it to be
over 100k words at this point, although I can't say by a large margin or not. I may also
end up splitting it so there's an optional sequel if I feel like the pacing is slowing down
too much/getting boring.

I promise there will be happy stuff eventually, I swear!

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Jungkook felt like he was walking to his execution. The sun was setting and the trees
surrounding the park’s perimeter were casting long, ominous shadows into the lot, only
serving to compound his growing unease.

“You’re going to help me make some money,” was all Jonathon had said in way of
explanation when, thirty minutes ago, he forced Jungkook into his old car.

They had driven about twenty minutes to get to a park that was deserted in the late evening
hour. After five minutes another car pulled into the lot, where it drove to a well-shadowed
corner and parked, it’s grumbling engine coming to halt. Jonathon narrowed his eyes at it,
sent a message on his phone and then roughly pulled Jungkook out of the car, marching him
towards the stranger’s vehicle.

“Do what he tells you and if he asks, you’re eleven years old.” Jonathon’s arm was slung
casually around Jungkook’s shoulders as they walked. From afar the posturing looked like a
brotherly thing to do. In fact, Hoseok, Jimin, Taehyung and even occasionally Yoongi had
done the same. But Jonathon wasn’t his brother and the feeling of the weight on his shoulders
was sinister rather than comforting.

Jungkook leaned back, digging his heels into the pavement, panicking. Jonathon was going to
make him get into a car with a stranger.

Should he try and make a run for it? He looked at the tree line surrounding the heavily
forested park. He didn’t know this area and wasn’t sure which way he should go. Jonathon
seemed to notice the calculations running through Jungkook’s head. He stopped abruptly, his
hand moving to pinch the skin on Jungkook’s arm painfully. “You’re gonna behave for me,
right Kookie?” he cooed in a mocking, familial tone.

“What if he kidnaps me?” Jungkook asked, his elementary school stranger-danger education
of ‘don’t go with strangers’ playing on loop in his head.
Jonathon rolled his eyes, before changing to a too-tight grip on Jungkook’s arm and hauling
him towards the car. “Don’t be stupid,” he said.

Tears started welling up in Jungkook’s eyes. What if Jonathon was selling him and the
stranger was going to take him away? He wasn’t going to see anyone ever again. Joon and Jin
wouldn’t know what happened to him. What if it made Yoongi so upset he started to spiral
again? He never finished playing that video game with Jimin and Taehyung. Hoseok had
promised to teach him some cool shuffling moves. Jungkook tried to yank his arm out of
Jonathon’s grasp but his stepbrother determinedly held on. He always managed to overpower
Jungkook in the end. They walked up to the vehicle’s passenger door. Jonathon opened it
with his free hand before shoving Jungkook into the seat. “You have twenty minutes,”
Jonathon said, before shutting the door with a thunk and going back the way he came.

Immediately, Jungkook’s hand shot out to try and open the door but whoever was sitting in
the driver’s seat – Jungkook was too scared to look at him – was faster and locked the door
with a thunk. Jungkook’s heart plummeted to the floor in sync with the sound and panic was
rapidly filling up his chest cavity where it had been. His fingers scrabbled to find the lock on
the passenger door only to be met with a hole where the button should be.

“Sorry,” said a deep voice, “the lock on that side is broken.”

His tone genuinely sounded apologetic and Jungkook’s head whipped around to finally see
who this person, maybe the last person he’d ever see, was. In the driver’s seat was an average
looking middle-aged man with hair that was starting to salt and pepper. He had square glasses
with black plastic frames. He was wearing a button-down white shirt and dark slacks like
he’d just come from some generic office job.

“You’re only eleven?” the man asked, his gaze raking up and down Jungkook’s body. His
tone was neutral but Jungkook shied away from his gaze which reminded him of the lion as it
stalked its prey in a nature documentary he’d seen with Taehyung. Jungkook looked young
for his age but he knew he didn’t look that young. The man could probably tell Jonathon lied
to him and now he was going to get angry and Jungkook was going to be the one on the
receiving end of that anger.

“I-I turn t-twelve soon,” Jungkook croaked out in a sad attempt to ease the man’s suspicions.

The man just held his gaze for a long moment before shrugging and glancing at his watch. “I
have to go at 8:30,” the man said. Jungkook’s eyes flicked to the faint bluish numbers
glowing from the dashboard clock.

8:11.

Jungkook swallowed. The man reached over with his right hand, unbuttoning Jungkook’s
jeans. Jungkook stiffened and screwed his eyes shut but didn’t try to push the man’s hand
away, fearing the consequences it would bring. Tears were rolling down his cheeks as
wandering fingers slipped into his underwear and touched him with rough, warm hands.
Jungkook’s eyes were closed the entire time as he tried not to panic, fists clenched and toes
curled, eternities passing until the man seemingly got frustrated and removed his hand.
Jungkook’s eyes snapped open. The clock read 8:17.
“You didn’t get hard at all,” the man accused.

“I’m sorry,” Jungkook said automatically.

The man huffed another impatient sigh before taking Jungkook’s wrist in a firm grip after
undoing the fly on his own pants. Holding Jungkook’s hand he guided it into his own pants,
wrapping Jungkook’s around his penis which definitely wasn’t as limp and flaccid as
Jungkook’s had been. After a few instructions and guiding movements from that man, he
pulled his own hand out, ordering Jungkook to jerk him off.

Jungkook bit back a whimper he complied, wishing he could cut his hand off. He hated this
so much. Why was this happening to him? How did his life become this? Jungkook bit the
inside of his cheek until it bled. The man let out a long moan and Jungkook flinched, trying
to retract his hand but the man grabbed his wrist with lightning-fast reflexes and a bruising
grip, ordering Jungkook to do it faster. After what felt like another eternity the man finally
came in his pants and over Jungkook’s hand. It wasn’t until then that he let Jungkook
withdraw his hand.

Silent tears had been making their steady march down Jungkook’s face the entire time but
now he began crying in earnest, audible sobs crawling out of his throat.

“Here,” the man said, shoving a few tissues at him before taking a couple for himself.

Jungkook hurriedly wiped his hand and face. He stared helplessly at the man with the balled
tissues covered in bodily fluids until the man opened the glove department and indicated
Jungkook should place them in there. A couple tense moments passed as Jungkook’s
breathing still hitched and trembled.

“I’m sorry,” the man said suddenly, his own voice tearful.

Jungkook remained silent, heart hammering. Was the man going to kill him now?

“I don’t usually do this sort of thing,” he continued.

Jungkook stared at him with wide eyes.

“I mean it! I don’t want to do it! I tried to get help for it before but there’s no resources out
there for people like me.”

“O-okay,” Jungkook stuttered, unsure of what the man wanted him to say.

“I’m sorry,” the man apologized again looking at Jungkook with desperate eyes, hungry for
forgiveness.

Jungkook looked at the clock. 8:29.

“It’s okay,” Jungkook said.

“Here,” the man said abruptly, fishing in the side pocket on the door before shoving a Kit-Kat
into Jungkook’s lap.
‘Don’t take candy from strangers’ his kindergarten teacher’s voice echoed in his head.

“Thank you,” was all Jungkook said.

“I have to go,” the man said just as abruptly. “Give this to...whoever you came with.”

An envelope was shoved into Jungkook’s hand. Jungkook didn’t move.

“You can go,” the man said.

“I c-can’t, the door is still l-locked.”

“Oh,” the man pushed his glasses up, looking frazzled like he’d forgotten all about how
ominously he’d locked Jungkook inside his own vehicle. “If you reach into the hole where
the button is supposed to be, you’ll feel it a couple inches down. Just press it and it will
unlock.”

Jungkook did and the door unlocked with a click. He felt stupid he hadn’t thought to try that.
Jungkook scrambled out of the car, walking back towards Jonathon’s on unsteady legs,
clutching the envelope to his chest. When he climbed into the car, Jonathon snatched the
envelope away from him, pulled out a stack of bills and counted through them before sending
another message on his phone. A few seconds later the man’s headlights turned on, his engine
growled to life, and he drove out of the parking lot and into the night.

“Good job, Kookie,” Jonathon said approvingly as he flipped through the bills again. “I guess
I could afford to get you a milkshake. What’s your favorite flavor?” Jonathon asked casually
as if he was rewarding Jungkook for doing good on a test instead of pimping him out to some
pedophile.

Tears started making their way down Jungkook’s face again. “It doesn’t matter,” Jungkook
whispered.

“I’m trying to do something nice for you,” Jonathon said, annoyed, as he started the car.

“I just want to go home,” Jungkook said and he didn’t mean his biological father’s house.

“You’re such a baby,” Jonathon rolled his eyes.

When they arrived at his father’s house Jungkook immediately went to the bathroom where
he washed his hands for more than twenty minutes with the water as hot as it could go,
scrubbing hard with soap and a towel until his skin was red and chafed and bleeding around
his nail beds.

---

Jungkook startled awake. Confusing flashes of his nightmares lingered and it took him a few
moments to remember that he was at Jin at Joon’s. The room was still dark and the rest of the
house was silent so at least it hadn’t been a night terror where he screamed and cried in his
sleep and woke everyone up. An acrid scent burned his nostrils as he belatedly realized he
had wet his bed. Although no one was here to witness it, not even Jemma, Jungkook flushed
with humiliation. Trying hard not to cry, although he could feel tear tracks on his cheeks so
he must’ve been crying in his sleep, he quickly whipped off the sheets and his sweatpants and
underwear and folded it into a pile. He grabbed a fresh pair of pajama bottoms and boxers
from his drawer before tip-toeing down the hallway and stairs with his soiled laundry. Once
in the washroom he deposited it into the washing machine but then froze. He didn’t want to
turn it on in case it woke someone up but he also didn’t want to just leave it in there
unwashed and have someone discover it in the morning. He really started to cry now
although he managed to keep it quiet. Anxiety and embarrassment churned in his stomach.

Jin and Namjoon had really been concerned about his last medication’s side effects so they
had the psychiatrist change his prescription but Jungkook could feel himself getting worse.
He was having more nightmares and in the daytime it was a struggle to shove his panic down,
packing away memories in a locked box that threatened to burst at the seams. Even now he
could feel memories and emotions begin to slip through the cracks. Their weight was
compressing him, slowly wrapping around his ribcage like a boa-constrictor making it hard to
breathe or think. He was just waiting for the day when it would finally plunge its fangs into
his neck.

Life was easier when he could just sleep the day away in a fog so dense his brain couldn’t
even manage to conjure up nightmares. Admittedly, it had been a little scary on his old
medication too because more than a couple weeks were hazy in his memory - not unlike the
feeling of the sedatives Jonathon and Kevin would force him to take. He’d think it was a
Tuesday only to be confused when Jin would take him to his therapy appointment at 10:30
a.m. and his 10:30 sessions were on Friday. He would come downstairs on a Wednesday
morning, expecting everyone to be at school or work only to find the whole house lounging
about because it was actually a Saturday. But those weren’t big problems, it’s not like it
mattered what day it was because Jungkook wasn’t up to much anyways except therapy. His
nightmares, flashbacks, and panic attacks were a thousand times worse even though his
therapist, doctor and everyone else in his life wanted him to ‘process his emotions’ and ‘work
through’ what had happened. They didn’t understand. Not even the psychiatrist with her
framed medical degree that hung on the wall of her fancy office. No, it would kill him if he
remembered everything. He wouldn’t survive if he went face-to-face with every terrible thing
that had been done or said to him.

Jungkook had no idea how long he stood in front of the washing machine in his indecision as
the stench began to permeate the washroom. Eventually he decided to shut it and set his
alarm for 5 a.m. so he could come back down and start it then. He trudged back upstairs after
grabbing new sheets from the linen closet. He remade his bed and laid a towel down just in
case. Although he was getting his energy back with this new medication, waking up from a
stream of nightmares and dealing with the aftermath had drained him and he fell asleep
before he could remember to set an alarm.

---

Jin leaned against the doorframe in the weak morning light as he waited for Binky to come
back inside after relieving himself. He was looking forward to the hot cup of coffee he could
hear hissing into the pot in the kitchen. When the dog finally trotted back in, Jin crouched
down to ruffle his fur. From the corner of his eye he noticed there were clothes in the wash.
He frowned. Had he forgotten to put some laundry in the dryer yesterday? He hoped it hadn’t
started to smell mildewy. He opened the machine’s drawer only to be hit by a strong odor
which threatened to ruin his appetite. Binky was also sniffing furiously and Jin nudged him
aside as re-shut the washing machine door and reached up to grab the soap. He double-
checked one more time to confirm. Indeed, those were Jungkook’s sheets. After starting the
load he crept upstairs to peek in on his youngest to find him still asleep, curled up in a tight
ball. He sighed and went back downstairs.

He wouldn’t mention it to Jungkook since it would only embarrass him and there was no
point in making a big deal out of it. It worried him regardless. Yoongi had done the same
thing although he had been much younger at the time. It was a classic, almost textbook-
symptom of sexual abuse and its aftermath but as far as he was aware it had never happened
to Jungkook. Diligently he added a note in his phone app where he tracked Jungkook’s
symptoms that he shared with the psychiatrist before continuing on with his morning routine.

---

Jungkook yawned and stretched, actually feeling refreshed for once. He sleepily fumbled for
his phone to see it was almost 11 a.m. Usually Jin didn’t let him sleep in that long on
weekdays. He sighed as he pushed himself up into a sitting position. He heard an indignant
mrow as he disturbed Jemma who’d been curled up against his feet. His knee brushed a rough
material and he noted with confusion the bathroom towel bunched to the side. His eyes
widened in mortification as he remembered what had happened last night and that he’d
forgotten to do the laundry.

Ignoring Jemma’s cries for attention, he speed-walked downstairs to the washroom. The
washing machine and dryer were already empty. He pulled at the hem of his shirt anxiously
and shifted his weight from foot to foot, warmth building up behind his eyes. He retraced his
steps back to the living room where, sure enough, a basket of folded sheets sat innocently. He
quickly gathered it all up back to his bedroom where he shoved the extra set of sheets under
his bed in case it happened again. He threw the cleaned underwear and sweatpants in his
dresser. He paced back and forth across his room as his breath came in shorter and shorter
pants.

“Jungkook?”

Jin’s voice was calling out to him from downstairs.

Jungkook attempted some breathing exercises his therapist gave him. He cupped his cheeks
with his hands, knowing they were red from humiliation and the budding panic attack. He
willed himself to calm down. This really wasn’t how he wanted to start his day. He wanted
Jin and Joon to think he was getting better. He needed them to think that.

A minute passed and there was a couple light knocks on his door. “Jungkook?” Jin called
again.

He stumbled over, praying and praying Jin wouldn’t mention the laundry.
 “Oh, you’re awake,” Jin said in surprise, his hand half raised as if to knock again when
suddenly Jungkook wrenched open the door.

“Good morning,” Jungkook said quietly.

“It’s getting late so it’s time to get ready for the day. How about you come eat some
breakfast?”

“Okay,” Jungkook agreed obediently.

They padded downstairs together. Neither of them said anything although Jemma let out a
continuous stream of sounds. At least someone was excited for breakfast. When they crossed
the living room, Jungkook’s cheeks heated up in shame again at the sight of the now empty
laundry basket. Thankfully Jin didn’t mention or even glance in its direction. Once he was
settled at the kitchen table with a bowl of Cheerios, Jin left him alone. Jungkook took the
moment of solitude to let a couple tears splash into the milk. It felt like everything was
always going wrong. He could never say or do the right things. His emotions changed as
quickly as the weather.

He heard the sound of footsteps drawing near and Jungkook quickly scrubbed his face and
pulled up his hood to try to hide the evidence of his mood.

“Hey, Jungkook, I have to run by the bank real quick. Did you want to come or stay here?”
Jin asked, not looking up as he examined some letters that came in the mail.

“I’ll just stay here,” Jungkook mumbled.

“Alright, you’ll be okay by yourself?”

“I'm not a baby,” Jungkook snapped.

“Okay, okay just making sure. I won’t be gone long,” Jin assured as he fetched his keys from
the bowl they stored them in on the counter.

Jungkook neglected to reply but sagged once he heard the front door closing. Jin hardly ever
left him home alone if he could help it but it seemed his foster-father was starting to trust him
a little more. He knew the trust didn’t extend too far because every time Jin would come back
after leaving him alone he made sure to check Jungkook’s arms for more cuts.

Jungkook hadn’t done anything in several weeks, nor was he going to today. With the house
to himself, Jungkook dumped his mostly uneaten cereal down the drain and retreated to the
living room to watch some anime to try and drown out the growing roar in his head.

Chapter End Notes

Please stay safe, had a couple scares this week with some of my friend circle getting
breakthrough cases of covid despite having been fully vaxxed!!!
 Chapter 14
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes

Jungkook pulled on his shoes reluctantly. Jin was forcing him to go shopping with Hobi and
Jimin at the mall as soon as they got home from school. He didn’t mind going to stores when
it was, say, a Wednesday morning. But the mall? On a Friday afternoon? He was bound to
run into at least one former classmate or friend.

“Come on Kook, hurry up.” Jin chided.

“I don’t want to go,” he replied, giving up on his shoes entirely and crossing his arms over
his chest.

“And why’s that?” Jin asked with a hint of impatience.

Great, now Jin was upset with him.

“Because. I might see people I know.”

“That’s a good thing! Your friends miss you. Did you ever message your friend Jacob back?”

“I don’t want to see them!” Jungkook snapped.

“Honey, what’s the problem? Didn’t you have a good time when Mia came over the other
day?” Jin sounded exasperated.

“That’s…that’s different.”

“Jungkook, I know you’re afraid but you can’t hide in the house forever. You’re going to
have to go back to school and see people eventually.”

Jungkook’s shoulders slumped in defeat. Jin didn’t understand. Why was everyone pushing
him? They had been fine with letting him sleep for weeks on end previously but now they
constantly wanted him to do stuff.

“Jungkook,” Jin said firmly, leaving no room for argument.

With an angry sigh to let Jin know how upset he was, he finished tying his shoes and stomped
after him to the porch where Jimin and Hobi were already waiting. They needed to get some
sort of costume for this season’s dance team performance.

“Dad I swear I’m outgrowing all my shirts and everything, I really need some new ones.”
Jimin whined.

Jungkook was still quite a bit shorter than him but was getting taller slowly and steadily. He
doubted Jimin had grown a single inch in the last year.
“Liar,” Jungkook mumbled.

“It’s true!” Jimin insisted. “Just you wait, I bet you’ll be the shortest by the time we’re
adults.”

“Jungkook it’ll be so fun if you try out for dance team next year!” Hobi chirped.

He wished everyone would stop talking about the future. School, growth spurts, friends. He
could barely handle life day by day.

Two hours later and Jungkook’s angry stomps had been replaced with a lethargic dragging of
his feet. He couldn’t recall the last time he had spent so much time out and about. He was
grossly out of shape if just walking around the mall tired him this much. It was only a few
weeks since his medication change and the doctor told him it would be awhile before his
energy would be back to normal. Jin noticed him falling behind and seemed to understand it
wasn’t just because he didn’t want to be there.

“Why don’t you go take a seat on that bench over there, Kookie? I’ll go see if I can round up
Jimin and Hoseok, you know how they get when it comes to buying clothes,” Jin sighed.

Jungkook nodded and made his way over on weary legs to the bench. He pulled up his hood
to try and avoid any run-ins with people he knew. It was lucky he hadn’t encountered anyone
so far but Hoseok and Jimin had ran in with what seemed like half the dance team.

It was such a relief to sit down. He leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees. He
sensed someone sitting down next to him. It made Jungkook a little uncomfortable - his sense
of personal space was a lot wider than it used to be. Jungkook scooted towards the edge of
the bench to distance himself from the stranger. The hairs on the back of his neck stood up
when the man positioned himself closer. Jungkook peeked up at the stranger from under his
hood.

An older man, maybe in his fifties, gave Jungkook a greasy smile that revealed yellow teeth.
“Don’t I know you from somewhere?” the man asked.

Jungkook could feel his heart pounding and this time it had nothing to do with being out of
shape. Even though Jungkook didn’t recognize him, that didn’t mean much. They’d often
blindfold him or wear masks to protect their identity. They’d drug him but sometimes his
mind just blocked the memories for him if he was sober. In all likelihood though, the stranger
had probably never even assaulted Jungkook in-person but watched the videos they posted
online. Jonathon never explicitly told him they put the videos onto the dark web or wherever
but Jungkook wasn’t that stupid. Why else would they film it?

He was no longer in that house with Jonathon and Kevin but he couldn’t outrun what had
happened to him. It was on the internet, saved into hard drives, even printed onto photos.
Who knew how many people had seen that content. Were still continuing to watch it.

The man put his hand on Jungkook’s shoulder and he could feel his skin burning at the touch
even through his many layers of clothes. “How about we go to my car?”
If Jin hadn’t been on his way back and saw the exchange, Jungkook didn’t know what he
would’ve done. It’s not like he wanted to go with some random sick-fuck but what was the
point in trying to avoid something that was going to follow him for the rest of his life? It
would be easier on everyone if the man just kidnapped him and threw him into his basement
or dumped his body into a river and he was never seen again by anyone ever. It wouldn’t
matter. Jungkook’s life no longer mattered because it was no longer his. Just like Jonathon
had said, he’d become well-trained. Jungkook started to stand up, his emotions and limbs
numb, not really seeing what was in front of him.

“Hey! What do you think you’re doing?” Jin’s angry voice filtered through the crowd of
mall-goers.

Jin must have really good parental instincts, Jungkook thought distantly, swaying on his feet.
All the man did was lay a hand on his shoulder and Jin was ready to start a fight. Jungkook
had lived with his father for nearly ten months and neither he nor his wife had suspected a
single thing. The man retracted his hand and started to make his escape by blending in
amongst the shoppers.

“Someone stop that man! He was trying to kidnap someone!” Jin’s voice bellowed.

The world started to blur around him. Was Jungkook really so weak that he was at risk of
fainting from a shopping trip?

“Jungkook…are you….?”

An out-of-focus face that reminded him of Jimin floated in front of his vision. Were he and
Hobi finally ready to go home?

“…ook….a…l…re…..!”

---

Jungkook had been disassociating. He wouldn’t communicate with him, Hoseok or Jimin,
much less the security guards, paramedics, or police. He just sat with a blank look on his face
like a statue, not reacting to any verbal input. He could still move and let himself be guided
from place to place. Jungkook seemed to almost tune back into his surroundings a few times
but as soon as the subject of who the stranger had been was broached, he fuzzed out again.
The paramedics hadn’t found any injuries on him and left the decision to Jin whether to take
him to the hospital or not. Jin figured when Jungkook did come to, an unfamiliar
environment like a hospital room might do more harm than good. So, after a frantic call to
Jungkook’s therapist, she advised to get him home and make him hold something cold. While
not the most sophisticated technique, it did force Jungkook to be present. He’d flinched when
Jin placed the frozen bag of peas in his hand, blinking rapidly and looking around like he
wasn’t quite sure how he’d ended up on the living room couch.

After getting Jungkook back to the land of the living more or less, Jin traded the frozen peas
for a mug of herbal tea and wrapped a quilt around Jungkook’s now-quaking shoulders.
“It’s okay Kookie, you’re safe now,” Jin had comforted. But was he really? Could he be safe
with the ever-growing amount of people that found and downloaded the abuse material?
What would’ve happened if Jin hadn’t seen what was happening in time?

Jin wasn’t naïve to the long-term consequences of child sexual abuse. As part of their foster
certification they’d had to study it and both he and Namjoon had been reviewing the material
again after getting Jungkook back. There was a study that found seventy percent of victims
who had their abuse shared over the internet were constantly afraid of being recognized. If
what happened at the mall wasn’t proof enough that the fear wasn’t unfounded, the study
reported thirty percent of child abuse victims were recognized by people who had seen copies
of their abuse. Victims also had much higher rates of depression, anxiety, insomnia, eating
disorders and relationship problems. Jin was trying his best to be vigilant while also trying to
not think too much about the statistic that stated sixty percent attempted suicide.

Eventually Jungkook curled up and fell asleep on the couch, all without a word. Jin decided
to take the reprieve to update Namjoon.

“Is Jungkook okay?” Namjoon asked, picking up immediately.

“I’m not sure,” Jin answered.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to come home?”

“No, there’s nothing you can do. The worst of it is over. But Jimin and Hoseok are really
shaken. We’ll need to talk to them about it. The rest of the kids too.”

“Okay, I shouldn’t be here much longer anyways,” Namjoon sighed, “Call me if Jungkook
gets worse again.”

“Sure. Love you,” Jin said tiredly.

“Love you too, see you soon.”

Jin wished with all his heart that Namjoon would come home. He would if he asked. But the
man had been apprehended and they’d already talked to the security and the police. If
Namjoon came running every time Jungkook had a panic attack or some other episode he’d
never be at work. His PTO had reset just a few weeks ago with the new year but he would
need to save as much as he could for the pending trial against Jonathon and Kevin and
possibly another legal battle against Jungkook’s birth father, Junghwan, for custody. It didn’t
stop Jin from wishing Namjoon was there to comfort him. Guilt also clawed viciously at his
throat.

Jungkook had told him that he didn’t want to go to the mall. He’d literally said he was afraid
of running into someone he knew. Jin thought Jungkook was just being shy and nervous to
see old classmates, it never even crossed his mind that maybe Jungkook was afraid of seeing
one of his abusers despite Jin’s familiarity with the statistics. What was he supposed to do
though? Sequester Jungkook away in their house for all of eternity, or at least until he aged
enough to be near-unrecognizable from the Jungkook in the abuse material? After hanging
up, Jin made his way back to the couch where Jungkook was already waking up from his
restless nap.

“Want to watch a movie, Kookie?” Jin asked.

Jungkook blinked sluggishly. Jin repeated the question and Jungkook just shrugged, still
eerily silent.

He turned on the TV and navigated to Netflix, playing the first Studio Ghibli movie that
popped up.

“I’ll be right back, I’ll make some popcorn,” Jin said.

When it was finished popping, he poured it into a bowl and sat next to Jungkook on the
couch. Close enough that they weren’t touching but that Jungkook could reach out to him if
he needed. Jemma materialized a few moments later, never passing up an opportunity to lay
with her humans and blankets on the couch.

Not long after Jimin and Hoseok also crept downstairs.

“Can we watch too?” Hoseok asked, uncharacteristically timid.

“Of course.” Jin said.

Jimin sat in the armchair and Hoseok on the floor. Both too apprehensive to sit near
Jungkook even though the couch held four people easily. Jungkook didn’t say a word during
the movie but the tension started to slowly unwind from his body. Enough that he managed to
recline back against the cushions so Jemma could curl up on his lap.

---

Hoseok had been dreading going to school on Monday. Considering that most their school
hung out at the mall, rumors would be inevitable. As far as high school went he always
thought their school was pretty laidback but anyone would want to gossip about a near-
kidnapping in their neighborhood.

“Don’t tell anyone what happened,” Hoseok had instructed Jimin. “Say it had nothing to do
with us or Jungkook. If someone asks, say that Jin just noticed something suspicious.”

Hoseok didn’t like lying and Jimin liked it even less but they needed to protect Jungkook,
especially if he was going to enroll in the high school in autumn as a freshman. People would
probably forget about the whole thing by then since it was months and months away but it
couldn’t hurt to do damage control and squash any budding rumors just in case.

In the beginning of the school year, last September when Jungkook first came back and
throughout October, there had been a lot of news articles about the discovery and arrests of
people in their city for participating in and facilitating a child-sex-trafficking ring. Victims
and perpetrators alike had their identities kept from the media and even Hoseok hadn’t made
the connection until late October. His suspicions were more or less confirmed in December
with the ‘family meeting’.
 Anyways, due to the scandalous nature of the topic, it was all anyone talked about for days
and their school even had a mandatory assembly of what to look out for and do in ‘stranger
danger' situations. With the ruckus at the mall, no doubt people would have renewed interest
and concern about it.

Hoseok had never been vocal about Jungkook’s coming and goings to their household to
others since he felt it was Jungkook’s story to tell and not his. He also hated the awkward
pity-sympathy from his peers and teachers who pretty much all came from conventional,
middle-class-or-higher families. He knew he had mentioned in passing to some of his closest
friends and teammates that Jungkook was living with them again back in September. He
hoped they wouldn’t make the link to the transpired events and Jungkook’s presence in them.

He made it through most of the day with only a few prying questions or comments that he
immediately shot down but dance practice brought the worst of it since they were the
students who knew Hoseok and his family best.

Sarah, a fellow third-year approached him, “Oh my god, I heard that your little brother was
almost kidnapped or something? Is he okay?”

Sarah was a bit of an airhead but her eyes were sincere and Hoseok knew she meant well
even if she had no tact.

“I don’t know what everyone’s talking about. We were just at the mall when the whole thing
happened and our dad was one of the people chasing that guy down,” Hoseok said easily.

“I thought he like fainted or something,” she prattled on. “Christina said she saw it.”

Christina, a sophomore on the team and who was standing a couple feet away blushed and
looked down at her shoes.

Hoseok winced. He had seen Christina at the mall and both he and Jimin said hi to her and
stopped to chat for a little bit. He was glad that Jimin was still in the locker rooms getting
changed.

“Fainting is a dramatic way of putting it,” he said, not trying to hide his annoyance. “He just
wasn’t feeling well this last week and then he was scared with how chaotic it got.”

“Oh, okay. I hope he’s feeling better.” Sarah said and Hoseok was relieved to see her eyes
were still earnest – they held no disappointment about not getting any juicy gossip.

He looked around at the rest of the people in the dance room, glaring at the ones he’d seen at
the mall, daring them to challenge him on the downplay of his events. Luckily no one said
anything else and Christina looked guilty even though her version of events had been much
closer to the truth’s than Hoseok’s.

Chapter End Notes

The study/statistics mentioned in the chapter were taken from research done by Canada's
child protective services, you can find more info on their website.
 Chapter 15

Jungkook had been planning to kill himself for months. He would’ve done it while still at his
father’s but the police had found him before he could make a concrete plan. He was sure
some part of him was grateful for Namjoon, Jin, and his brothers in the empty chasm where
his heart used to be. But no matter what they did or how many therapy and doctor
appointments he went to it wouldn’t be enough. Jungkook was exhausted but that intangible
flicker of gratitude towards the family he never really belonged to was what made him put off
his plan because he wanted one that would be as less messy as possible. The delay hadn’t
been all bad though. He tried to give people closure to the best of his ability in his current
state. He’d let Jimin apologize so he wouldn’t feel guilty - but Jungkook hadn’t been mad at
him the first place. He did his best to spend time with Yoongi to try and let him know it
wasn’t his fault. He’d even hung out with Mia as a way to tie loose ends with his old social
circle. After the incident at the mall Jungkook knew he couldn’t waste any more time
although he had wanted to see his father one last time, even if he wasn’t sure how it would’ve
gone.

Anyways, drugs would probably have been the best method. He could just take something,
crawl into bed and eventually someone would realize that he wasn’t merely sleeping.
However, there were two problems with that approach. One, Jungkook didn’t know where or
how to procure the types of drugs he would need. If he was still at his father’s it would’ve
been easier. Jonathon had drugged him all the time. Jungkook should’ve just stolen those pills
while he had the chance. Which lead to option number two.

The second option was a classic, but more gruesome than he would like. He just needed to
cut vertically and deeper than usual.

The next part of the plan was who was going to find him. He definitely didn’t want his
brothers to be the ones to come across his corpse. They had their own demons from their own
pasts. Especially Yoongi. Between Namjoon and Jin, Jin was the more emotional one. So,
Namjoon it was. In a house with seven people the logistics were difficult to make it so only
his targeted person would discover him. Especially since Jin stayed at home and Namjoon
worked. Days turned into weeks until, finally, an opportunity presented itself.

It was only a Thursday but Taehyung had been picked up after school by his grandparents
and was skipping school tomorrow and staying with them through the weekend because
tomorrow was his grandparents’ fiftieth anniversary and they were having a family gathering
or something. Jin was going with Yoongi to watch the school basketball match, mostly
because the dance team Hoseok and Jimin were on was doing a performance at half-time.
Namjoon had wanted to attend too but Jungkook said he didn’t want to go so Namjoon would
come home after work instead. It was a stroke of luck that Namjoon had been working late
recently because that’s just what life was when you were adult.

Jungkook estimated he only had an hour or so between the time the others left and Namjoon
came home. Jin was in a weird place where he was both reluctant to leave Jungkook alone for
half a second while also cutting him more slack and barely taking him anywhere except to the
therapist or social services offices. He was terrified that Jin would change his mind at the last
minute and decide to stay home. Luckily, with Jimin’s and Yoongi’s own issues, he knew Jin
and Joon were trying to spend more time with them. Jungkook pretended to not notice Jin’s
worry, feigning deep interest in the anime that was playing on the television even though he
couldn’t care less.

“Alright, we’re heading out now Kookie. Text me if Namjoon is taking too long to get home,
okay?” Jin said.

Jungkook grunted and didn’t look away from the screen. Jin hesitated a second longer and
Jungkook tensed until Yoongi called out, “We’re gonna be late.”

“Okay, okay, I’m coming.”

As soon as Jungkook heard the car pull out of the driveway, Jungkook raced to the master
bathroom in Jin and Namjoon’s room. He turned on the bathtub faucet and set down his
supplies on the floor. While it was filling up he woke up Binky from where he was sleeping
in his dog bed in the corner of Namjoon and Jin’s room.

“Come on, you have to go outside for a bit,” Jungkook coaxed the old dog.

Binky blinked up at him sleepily, before sighing and laying his head back down.

“Come on,” Jungkook said more forcefully, tugging on his collar until the old dog reluctantly
got to his feet.

Binky walked slower than a snail and Jungkook could feel his anxiety and frustration
growing as he pulled him to the back door. Jungkook nudged him outside even though the
Chow clearly preferred the warmth of the house.

“Be good, okay?” Jungkook said, his voice wobbling slightly as he patted Binky’s head one
last time. He blinked away the tears. He didn’t have time for this. He stood up and shut the
door, ignoring the sound of Binky scratching against it, demanding to be let back in. At least
Jemma was easier, he’d already shut her in his room as she slept before Jin and Yoongi had
left.

Next, Jungkook went to the kitchen and grabbed Jin’s half-finished bottle of red wine. He
chugged it, gagging on the sour taste. Holding the bottle by the neck he scurried back to the
bathroom, stopping in the living room to turn up volume up a little higher on the TV and
arrange the blankets and pillows into a vaguely human-shaped lump. The TV would hide the
sound of running water and hopefully buy him a couple more minutes if he needed it. Finally
he arrived back at the bathroom and locked the door behind him and proceeded to carefully
arrange a family picture on the closed lid of the toilet seat with his short goodbye note tucked
under it. He finished the wine, letting the bottle slip from his fingers and clatter to the side.

When the bath was nearing full he switched it off and got in fully-clothed. Jungkook
swallowed, feeling dizzy but not unpleasantly so. He supposed the alcohol was already
kicking in which was good. He would cut himself, then start draining the water and switch on
the showerhead instead. Jungkook couldn’t exactly research this type of thing, but he hoped
by the time Namjoon came home and managed to break through the bathroom door that all
the water would be drained and the shower would continue to rinse away whatever blood was
still leaking from his body, which by Jungkook’s calculations was slightly less traumatic than
finding him drowned in an overflowing pool of red. He was even wearing dark clothes so
there wouldn’t be visible bloodstains.

With the clock ticking and nothing left to do Jungkook held up the razor blade he’d taken
from his stash when they had gone to his father’s house to pick up his belongings.

Jungkook blinked through the foginess of the alcohol to study the picture on the closed lid of
the toilet seat. It was from a family trip to Yellowstone National Park they’d taken right
before Jungkook was sent to live with his mom when he was six. It was one of his favorite
trips they’d done even if he’d initially been afraid of the steaming, hissing geysers. Jin had
bought him an imitation park ranger’s hat from the souvenir shop and Jungkook had loved
that stupid thing so much that he’d dressed as a park ranger for two Halloween’s in a row.
He’d been young so the trip details were hazy but at the time he had only ever lived with
them and his life had just felt so normal. It would be nice to look at a happy memory while
he died. His bottom lip started to wobble. Tears leaked out of his eyes. The fingers holding
the razor blade started to tremble and he accidently dropped it into the tub.

Jungkook cursed, trying to fish it out with fumbling hands. The wine, which he’d drank for
courage made him uncoordinated and he nicked his fingers several times trying to get a grip
on the small blade.

His breath froze in his lungs as he heard the grumble of a car engine on the driveway.
Namjoon had come home early. Jungkook’s fumbling fingertips finally managed to get a grip
on the blade. He had to be quick. Cut really deep on both arms. He could do it. He would.
Jungkook looked one last time from his trembling fingers clutching the blade to the picture of
him carefree and beaming in front of the scenic national park, one of his little hands grabbing
on to Jin and the other in Hoseok’s.
 Chapter 16
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes

The moment Namjoon entered the house he knew something was wrong.

“Jungkook?” he called out. He’d been working overtime for the past week and a half but
they’d let him go early today - his coworkers knew enough about his family situation to give
him slack here and there.

Although the most logical place to check first when Jungkook didn’t reply was the living
room where he heard some Japanese thing blaring loudly. Instead, as if pulled by an invisible
string born from some deep-rooted parental instinct, Namjoon’s footsteps lead him to his own
bedroom where he noticed the bathroom door was shut. They never shut it unless someone
was using it.

“Jungkook?” Namjoon asked again, a lump forming in his throat as he reached for the knob.
It was locked.

“JUNGKOOK!” Namjoon screamed, abandoning all pretense and launching himself into the
door, wood already splintering as adrenaline turned him into a human battering ram.

In a normal situation Namjoon would never have been able to blow the door off its hinges so
easily. A distant corner of his mind recalled a news story he’d read years ago of a how a
woman, barely ninety pounds, lifted up an entire refrigerator with ease after it had toppled
over onto her two-year-old. These types of situations really did lend you super strength.

With the groan of wood under distress and metallic clattering as the hinges of the doorframe
popped off, Namjoon flung the broken door to the side as if it weighed no more than a piece
of paper. He was met with Jungkook looking at him, eyes wide in disbelief from the bathtub
where he sat in a half a foot of water, fully clothed.

Namjoon rushed over and crouched down, the adrenaline not letting up.

“J-Jungkook?” he asked, his voice hoarse. His eyes flicked down to Jungkook’s clenched fist
where a few drops of blood dripped off into the water.

“Jungkook, show me your hand,” he ordered, his voice a fraction steadier. Obediently,
Jungkook opened his hand, revealing a razor blade which had cut into his palm from his tight
grip. Namjoon plucked it from his grasp and threw it across the room. He examined
Jungkook’s palm, relieved that the cut seemed shallow, the bleeding already stopping.

Jungkook was still frozen, unblinking. Namjoon hoisted Jungkook out of the water and set
him on the bathmat.
“Are you okay? Did you cut anywhere else?” Namjoon asked, examining him for further
injuries and not seeing any and the bathwater was clear except for the few drops from his
hand.

“N-no,” Jungkook stuttered breaking out of his catatonic state.

“You didn’t take anything?”

“Only some of Jin’s wine,” his son admitted quietly, eyes darting in shame to the discarded
wine bottle in the corner Namjoon was just noticing.

Jungkook was out of immediate danger. Namjoon tried to take a steadying breath but instead
of fortifying him, Namjoon crumpled like a house of cards as he realized just how close he
had been to losing Jungkook. He sobbed brokenly, reaching over to Jungkook, who had also
started to cry, against his chest. As he cradled Jungkook’s wet body, he noticed the photo
sitting on the toilet seat. It was from their family vacation to Yellowstone. He and Jin had
their own copy on their dresser. At that point Jungkook had only ever lived with them.
Untainted from being lead through a maze of broken homes. Namjoon had been
contemplating that photo a lot lately, cycling through all the things that had gone wrong
between then and now. Apparently Jungkook had been doing the same.

“Oh Kookie,” Namjoon sobbed. Jungkook was still just a baby. His baby. And so many
people had hurt him so badly that he no longer wanted to live. It wasn’t fair. It broke
Namjoon’s heart into a million pieces.

---

Jungkook stopped crying before Namjoon did. And Namjoon was bawling. Jungkook never
intended to make anyone upset.

“I’m s-sorry. It’s okay,” Jungkook tried to comfort. He awkwardly patted Namjoon’s back.

Namjoon started to cry harder and held him closer. The prolonged physical contact and the
intensity of it was making Jungkook uncomfortable but he was too scared to try and
disengage himself from Namjoon’s strong arms.

“Um, uh…umm,” Jungkook said, completely bewildered. This wasn’t how it was supposed
to go. Jungkook was supposed to be dead and Namjoon was supposed to be sad about it but
not this sad. He couldn’t understand why Namjoon was so upset, nothing had even happened.

Namjoon finally managed to untangle himself before pulling out his phone with shaking
hands. He nearly dropped it and Jungkook watched as he punched in his passcode incorrectly
twice.

“We n-need to c-call J-J-Jin.” Namjoon wept.

“O-okay. I’m sorry,” Jungkook said again as Namjoon finally unlocked his phone. If
Namjoon was this upset how upset would Jin be? What had he done?
Namjoon’s breathing was erratic while he fumbled in his explanation to Jin that he needed to
come home right now.

“Do you want me to talk to him?” Jungkook asked nervously as Namjoon desperately tried to
regain composure.

Namjoon just stared at him with red eyes, his breath hitching again. Jungkook reached over
and gently took the phone from his grip.

“Um, hello?” Jungkook asked.

“God, Jungkook? Should I call an ambulance? Are you hurt?” Jin’s panicked voice filtered
through.

“I’m fine. We don’t need an ambulance or anything. Er, Namjoon is really upset. It’s my
fault. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it.” Jungkook sniffed, his own tears starting to well up again.

“Just, both of you stay there, okay? I’ll be home soon. Don’t move.”

“Okay.” Jungkook agreed blankly.

“I love you, I'm hanging up now, alright? Just stay where you are,” he repeated. Jungkook
could hear the sound of cars whizzing by and Yoongi’s puzzled voice. They must’ve not even
made it to the school yet.

“Okay.” Jungkook said again. There was a tense silence before the call ended.

Jungkook set the phone down and turned nervously back to Namjoon who was somehow still
crying.

“I’m sorry, I really am,” Jungkook repeated.

“No, I'm s-sorry Kookie. I’m so, so sorry. I love you s-s-so much, I’m s-sorry,” Namjoon
stuttered as he hugged Jungkook again tightly to his chest.

Jungkook grimaced but he wouldn’t deny Namjoon this comfort when it was his fault he was
so upset. They stayed in that position until Jungkook heard the front door fly open with the
velocity of a hurricane as Jin blew through, appearing in the frame where the bathroom door
had been in a matter of seconds. Jungkook looked up at him apprehensively from where he
sat in his sodden clothes.

“I’m sorry,” Jungkook repeated. He didn't think he’d be able handle two crying parents.

Surprisingly, Jin took a deep breath and slowly walked over until he could crouch in front of
Jungkook.

“You’re not hurt?” Jin asked in a calm, steady voice.

Jungkook shook his head. Jin reached over and also pulled him into a long, tight hug and, like
Namjoon, didn’t seem to mind the osmosis that happened as he was pressed against
Jungkook’s wet clothes.

“Let’s get you dressed in something dry, you’ll get sick like that.” Jin said, his voice still
perfectly steady. He reached up and snatched a towel from the rack and draped it over
Jungkook’s shoulders before helping him to his feet.

“Namjoon, I’ll be back in a little bit, I’m just going to put Kookie to bed, okay?”

Namjoon was still crying and didn't even make any sign of acknowledgement except for a
hitch in his breath mid-sob. Jungkook felt horrible. He was about to open his mouth to
apologize again but Jin started dragging him away, holding his hand just like in the family
photo. Jungkook swayed, unsteady on his feet as shock and the alcohol affected him
physically, even if emotionally he had never felt more sober. He stumbled after Jin. When
they got to his room, Jemma darted out as he opened the door. Jin ignored her and went to the
dresser to fish out Jungkook’s pajamas.

“I won’t look while you’re changing but when you’re done I'm going to check your arms,
okay?”

Jungkook nodded even though Jin had already turned away and couldn’t see him. When he
was dressed in the dry clothes, he sat down on the bed, the creaking of the mattress signaling
he was finished. Jin still waited a couple more respectful seconds before turning around.
Jungkook was so flabbergasted by the turn of events that he obediently held out his arms. He
hadn’t even managed to make a single cut.

“Did you hurt your fingers? What happened to your hand?”

“What?” Jungkook asked. Only then did he remember he’d nicked a couple of his fingers
when trying to pick up the razor blade. There was a small cut on his palm where he’d
clenched the blade in surprise at the sound of Namjoon screaming and throwing himself
against the door.

“Oh,” Jungkook said. “It’s not bad. Those were an accident.”

It wasn’t a lie. How had he so carefully planned out his suicide only to walk out with
basically a few papercuts?

“They look fine, they’ll heal on their own.” Jin said. “Wait one second.”

Jin disappeared for a couple minutes and came back with a large glass of water and his
nightly medication. It was earlier than he usually took them but Jungkook swallowed them
without complaint. He noticed there were a couple extra pills – the anxiety medication for
when he was having a strong panic attack that they couldn’t bring him down from. He
definitely didn’t feel panicked now, only confused, but he decided not to question it.

“Kookie, I’m going to have you go sleep in your brother’s room, okay? You’ll stay with
Yoongi tonight and Hoseok will take your room. Can I trust you to not do anything until I
come back?”
Jungkook nodded, all his resolve from earlier had bled out of him. Dripped off of him like the
water on his sodden clothes where it lay in a now-evaporating and pitiful puddle on the
bathroom floor. Once again, Jin took his hand and led him to Yoongi and Hoseok’s room.
Jungkook sat on Hobi’s bed and pulled his knees to his chest. Jin gave him one last hug and
left the room.

A few minutes passed during which Jungkook could hear hushed, urgent whispering further
down the hallway and then Yoongi appeared in the doorway, shutting the door behind him.

“I’m happy to see you, Kookie,” Yoongi said.

“Sorry you didn’t get to see the basketball game,” was all Jungkook said.

“It’s okay, there will be more in the future,” Yoongi shrugged.

They lapsed into silence.

“Well, I’m gonna play some piano. Any requests?”

“Um, do you know any of the stuff from Billie Eilish’s new album?” he asked shyly.

“I know one or two,” Yoongi said, turning on his keyboard.

He and Yoongi had different music tastes but Yoongi was always interested in what Jungkook
was listening to.

Jungkook never quite mustered up the energy to sing along even though he knew that’s
probably what Yoongi was trying to get him to do, but he managed to hum along to some of
the melodies and before he knew it he was drifting off to sleep, not even staying awake long
enough for when Jin came back to check on him.

---

“Honey?” Jin asked cautiously as he reentered their bedroom. Namjoon was still on the
bathroom floor, his forehead pressed into his knees.

“I put Jungkook to bed, he’s sleeping with Yoongi tonight so he won’t be alone. He’s okay.
He’s alright.”

Namjoon finally looked up, his eyes were so puffy from crying they were almost swollen
shut. Jin had never seen Namjoon in this state before. He cried every now and then but never
this hard or for this long.

“Jungkook is okay,” Jin repeated.

“He’s not okay, he almost..he almost..h-he-

“Shh, shh, I know. But he didn’t and he’s still here. We’ll take him to see his psychiatrist
tomorrow and go from there.”
“It w-was like when Y-yoongi..and I d-don’t know what I would’ve done if he’d gone
through with it,” Namjoon croaked.

“He didn’t go through with it and you showed up at the right time. And Yoongi is fine too.”
Jin reminded him.

“He was trying to comfort me!”

Jin let out a long sigh. “Come on, why don’t you get out of those clothes and I’ll clean up in
here,” he urged, treating his husband with the same emotional delicacy he had just shown to
Jungkook.

Namjoon gave a defeated nod and made his way up with stiff knees. He looked lost and
devastated as he wandered towards their closet, nearly tripping over the remains of the
bathroom door. Jin sighed and drained the bathtub and laid a couple towels on the floor to
soak up the water. He finally noticed the empty wine bottle and cursed, hoping it wouldn’t
mess with the effect of Jungkook’s prescription. He gathered it up along with the discarded
razor blade he found in the opposite corner, and took them both out to the trash where he
disposed of them. When he returned to the bathroom he steeled himself, trying to gather the
strength needed to look at what he suspected was a suicide note folded up on the lid of the
toilet. He studied the picture that sat on top of the paper for a moment. Their trip to
Yellowstone. Even though all of their kids had been really little at the time everything had
gone smoothly and everyone had a great time. He put the photo to the side and unfolded the
sheet of notebook paper. It was short, only a few sentences.

Sorry you have to find me like this, if I could just magically disappear I would but I can’t so
please don’t let it bother you too much. I don’t think I need to explain why I'm doing this and I
hope you can understand. Thank you for everything you did for me, please tell Yoongi,
Hoseok, Taehyung, Jimin, Jemma and Binky that I love them. Don’t be sad about it, it’s for
the best.

Love Jungkook

Did Jungkook really think they could get over it and be unbothered? Did he underestimate
their love for him or was he just so traumatized that he didn’t have the capacity to accept or
understand it anymore? He actually believed his life and the value it held could be summed
up in a few sentences on a torn piece of notebook paper?

Jin held back his tears, crumpling the paper in his hand before flushing it down the toilet.
Should he take Jungkook to the hospital? He trekked back upstairs, his mind still not made
up. When he poked his head into Yoongi’s room and saw Jungkook sprawled on Hoseok’s
bed with Jemma, snoring softly, he decided against it. Doctors and plans could wait until
tomorrow.

“Thank you,” he whispered to Yoongi.

Yoongi sighed and shrugged. “You’re welcome.”

“You’re okay?” Jin asked.

“I’m fine,” Yoongi said, his head held high and his gaze almost challenging.

“Okay, thank you, I’ll check again later tonight. I’m going to text your brothers.”

Yoongi frowned and nodded.

---

Jimin’s heart sank lower and lower as he wandered the hallway outside the basketball gym,
Yoongi and Jin nowhere to be seen even though they had promised to come tonight. The
crowd began to thin out as people reentered the court to watch the second half of the game.
He and Hobi had planned to join them in the stands after the dance team performance where
they were all going to watch the rest of the match together and then go out for pizza
afterwards. Jimin could feel his eyes starting to burn. Not wanting to risk any of his
classmates see him cry, he decided to make a hasty escape to the bathroom only to crash into
another body the moment he turned around.

“Jimin?”

Jimin’s head snapped up at Hobi’s tone, something in it making his skin prickle with
goosebumps.

“Hobi? Where’s dad and Yoongi?” Jimin asked in a weak voice.

Hoseok’s expression was more serious than he had ever seen it. “There was some emergency
with Jungkook so they had to rush home. Jin said he could pick us up in a little bit.”

“Emergency?” Jimin asked timidly. He prayed it wasn’t the type of emergency he was
thinking of.

“Let’s not talk about it here,” Hobi said, slinging an arm around his shoulders and steering
him to the front of the school.

Once they were far away from everyone attending the game and seated on some steps
outside, Hoseok admitted, “I guess Namjoon came home and found Jungkook about to hurt
himself.”

“Hurt himself? Or like…kill himself?”

Hoseok’s mouth tightened into a straight line and Jimin had his answer.

“Are th-they at the h-hospital?”

“Oh, hey Jiminie, everything’s okay, don’t cry. No, he didn’t manage to do anything and he’s
asleep in mine and Yoongi’s bedroom. It’s gonna be okay.” Hoseok said, wrapping his arms
tightly around Jimin’s shoulders.

“It’s l-like Y-Y-Yoongi all over a-g-gain.”

“And Yoongi got better again didn’t he? Everything's going to be alright, Jin and Joon won’t
let anything happen.”

But things had already happened. Jungkook had already been hurt in unimaginable ways. He
had already been cutting himself. And now he had already tried to kill himself even if
Namjoon stopped him in time.

“It was so f-fucking scary,” Jimin said hoarsely.

“What was? You mean with Yoongi?”

“N-no. I mean, y-yeah, that too. But at the mall. When that guy recognized J-Jungkook. I c-
can’t stop thinking about it. He must be so t-terrified all the time.”

“I know, but the house is safe. Police patrol the neighborhood all the time. It was just bad
luck. We can be more careful in the future.”

They had already had an impromptu ‘family meeting’ sans Jungkook again, of course, about
the incident. Jin told them it was a thing that happened to many abuse victims so it might not
be the last time. They set up a plan of what to do if it happened again.

First, make sure they are together and get as far away as quickly as they can from the person.
Then, once they are safe call the police.
Then, call their parents.
Just in case they were also given the numbers of Jungkook’s therapist and social worker.

It was all too much and Jimin was overwhelmed. He’d had a therapy appointment since the
incident but therapy didn’t hide or prevent the dangers that threatened them, it just taught
coping mechanisms after their destructive wake. And now his biggest fear had come true, that
Jungkook would try to take his own life. Namjoon stopped him once but Jungkook could
always try again and succeed. The house didn’t seem so safe anymore.

---

Although Yoongi himself had barely slept, he managed to drift off into a restless doze at
some point around 4 a.m. On top of his own stress Jin and Namjoon had been coming in
every half hour like clockwork to check on Jungkook. He was awoken by someone again
tiptoeing into his bedroom hardly an hour after he fell asleep.

“Jimin?” Yoongi croaked groggily at the figure in the doorframe.

“Is he okay?” Jimin whispered timidly.

“See for yourself,” Yoongi yawned. He switched on his bedside lamp, illuminating the room
in a weak half-light. Jimin crept closer and Yoongi could see the dark circles under his eyes.
Yoongi doubted he looked any better. They turned their gazes to Jungkook who had slept
soundly all night and still continued to do so, courtesy of the panic attack medication Jin had
given him last night. Jemma had come in a few hours ago and was curled contentedly near
Jungkook’s head, perfectly oblivious as to the reason why her favorite person in the house
suddenly switched beds.

“At least someone is sleeping well.” Yoongi commented drily, doing his best to ignore the
ache in his heart as he looked at Jungkook’s sleeping form. He didn’t want to claim that he
knew all what Jungkook was going through but it was like déjà vu of his own experience.

“Are you okay?” Jimin asked.

“You don’t gotta worry about me anymore, Jiminie.”

Jimin didn’t look convinced and Yoongi rolled his eyes before patting the space on his
mattress beside him. “Come here.”

His younger brother shuffled over self-consciously and laid down.

“I’m okay. And Jungkook will be okay too. And so will you.”

---

Yoongi was fourteen years old and had been freshly diagnosed with OCD. He’d been coping
poorly not just with the illness but grappling with the idea of it. ADHD, depression,
anxiety…those were almost basic as far as mental problems went. But OCD? OCD meant he
was bona fide crazy. Was that why he felt so terrible all the time?

He tottered to the bathroom and shut and locked the door behind him. He’d promised he
wouldn’t do this anymore – both to himself and Jin and Joon, his therapist. Truthfully, he
hadn’t felt the urge to do it in a while. He and his therapist had alternatives in place for what
he could do instead but none of them felt like options anymore with this latest diagnosis.
Piano had been his go-to for over a year now but he’d been having a few fine-motor control
issues lately that the psychiatrist had chalked up to possible side effects of his medication
changes. Yoongi swallowed audibly. The compulsion was building and building, too
immediate to waste time in gearing up for a jog or bike ride, another one of his distractions.

Yoongi fumbled to release the blade from a new razor in the cabinet and rolled up his sleeve.
His hands were the tiniest bit shaky but otherwise he started to feel a strange sense of calm
just by holding it. He would only make one small cut. So shallow that it wouldn’t even scar.
That he could pass off as Jemma scratching him if someone noticed it. But his hand slipped.
It did. He really hadn’t meant to cut that deep his but his hand holding the blade had twitched
and jerked.

There was a brief moment when the cut didn’t even hurt because the motion had been so fast
and the blade so sharp. And then it started to sting and burn and blood welled up and began to
gush out like tidal wave. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

He flung the blade into the sink and snatched a fresh towel from underneath the bathroom
cabinet and wrapped it tightly around his arm before slinking to the corner and sitting down
shakily. He hoped it would stop bleeding soon. It would right? Sweat began to trickle down
his face and he felt clammy. God, he was so fucked. His breath hitched as he noticed he had
dripped blood on the fluffy bath mat. Shit. How was he going to clean that up without anyone
noticing?

It was only when he started to feel nauseous and could barely lift his wounded arm because it
felt like a leaden weight attached to his body that he knew he was in trouble. This wasn’t
something that he could deal with on his own. As if on a cue an impatient knock sounded on
the bathroom door.

“Who’s in there? Hurry up, I want to shower!” Jimin’s voice whined impatiently. God damn
it. Couldn’t it have at least been Hoseok? Jimin was too young for this.

Yoongi heaved himself to his feet and reached to unlock the door with his good hand.
Without the pressure of it holding the towel to his wound some blood dripped with a pat pat
pat onto the light-blue tiled floor. He cracked the door open just barely, making sure his little
brother couldn’t see.

“Jimin,” Yoongi croaked, “I need you to get dad, now.”

The eleven year old’s eyes widened. “Yoongi?” he asked, sounding timid and afraid.

“Get dad, Jimin.” He repeated.

And then Jimin was racing down the hall. Yoongi slowly sunk to the floor again, breathing
harshly. He could already hear commotion and footsteps racing upstairs. He closed his eyes
in shame. They were going to be so disappointed.

“Yoongi!”

Yoongi forced his eyelids back open and Namjoon’s terrified face swam in front of his vision.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to.” he whispered.

“It’s going to be okay, I’m calling an ambulance, it’s going to be okay.”

“I’m sorry,” Yoongi repeated and he could feel tears streaking down his face. Jin was
shouting in the background and Jimin was crying.

“What’s going on?” Tae asked from somewhere nearby.

“We’re going to the hospital, Yoongi, and you need to stay awake.” Namjoon said calmly, his
large hands pressing the towel firmly to his arm.

“I’m awake,” Yoongi sighed. He didn’t feel great, he was woozy and cold and panicked but
he didn’t think he was going to pass out either. It wasn’t enough to kill him and it hadn’t been
a suicide attempt in the first place but he could only imagine how it looked to everyone else.

“Okay, that’s good, you’re doing great. Jin’s on the phone with the ambulance. Just keep
talking to me, alright?"

"I’m sorry,” Yoongi repeated.

He felt humiliated and ashamed when the paramedics came and clamped an oxygen mask
over his face. Through the milling bodies as they carried the stretcher outside he got a
glimpse of neighbors on the sidewalk gawking at the drama. Namjoon was rigid the entire
drive to the hospital but he never stopped saying calm words of comfort that Yoongi felt he
didn’t deserve. Part of him wished he passed out so he wouldn’t have to witness the fallout
and drama of his stupidity.

At the time Jungkook had been living with his aunt although he did end up visiting Yoongi in
the hospital the next day. Yoongi had needed stitches and they were doing some sort of
mandatory suicide-risk surveillance for at least another twelve hours but he could probably
go home after that. He and his dads had already talked with the doctors and they weren’t
going to force him to stay in some psych ward which relieved him immensely. He used to go
to a group therapy thing and some of the kids in it seemed more traumatized by being
institutionalized than their original trauma.

Jungkook was too young to understand what had happened so all he knew was that Yoongi
had gotten an injury on his arm. Jungkook had presented him with a homemade get-well card
that was just Binky, Jemma, and his and Tae’s characters from some online game they played
together drawn in colored-pencil. On the back was a note explaining his predictions for the
next Marvel movie.

“How is this supposed to be for me if I’m not even in it?” Yoongi teased.

Jungkook’s round face scrunched up in confusion, “Oh. I can make another.”

“No, no, I’m just kidding. I love, it thank you Kookie.”

“Does it hurt?” the nine-year old asked his eyes large and curious.

“It doesn’t, the doctors gave me some medicine.”

“Can I see?”

“It’s in a bandage right now, Kookie.”

“Oh.”

“How is living with your aunt going?” Yoongi asked, changing the subject.

Jungkook immediately shrunk in on himself and shrugged. “It’s okay.”

There was a pause.

“I like living with you better,” he added in a whisper.

“Jungkook, is she nice to you?” Yoongi asked cautiously.

“Yes. But her cats don’t like me. Her house is quiet.”
 Jungkook looked so forlorn that Yoongi felt another wave of guilt crash over him. Not only
did he stress the fuck out of everyone else but now Jungkook couldn’t even spend proper
time with them on the visit they had scheduled.

“I’m sorry, Kookie. I’m sure you’ll get used to it,” Yoongi said. “And we can still hang out.”

As Jungkook got older and came back to live with them they never really discussed the
hospital visit even though at some point Jungkook had come to understand that the scar and
the other smaller ones uniformly marking Yoongi’s arms like tallies were no accident. Yoongi
had caught Jungkook peeking - and everyone else he ever came across - at the scars more
than once on the rare occasions he didn’t wear long sleeves.

And now Jungkook was the one lying on a bed with lines marking his arm and a near-suicide
attempt under his belt.

Chapter End Notes

Is it as you expected?
 Chapter 17
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes

Jungkook was lying in an inch or so of pink tinged water as a thicker stream of red sluggishly
made its way towards the drain. His lips had a bluish tint.

Oh god, oh god, oh god. His worst nightmare. It was obvious Jungkook had been suicidal.
How could he be so negligent? He turned off the faucet, grabbed a towel and held it over
Jungkook’s bleeding wrist, screaming his name all the while. Why had he left him alone? It
was his fault. It was all his fault.

“SOMEONE HELP! I NEED HELP!” he screamed even though he knew he was alone in the
house. Maybe the neighbors would hear. No one responded to his pleas and he fumbled for
his phone as he tried to do too many things at once.

“P-please my son cut his wrists he’s not r-responding to anything, I need h-help!”

He was barely coherent enough to give them his address. He heaved Jungkook’s waterlogged
body out of the tub.

“Wake up Kookie. Jungkook, you need to wake up, you can’t do this, Kookie p-please,”
Namjoon begged.

He shook Jungkook’s body and the boy’s head merely lolled to the side. Sitting him upright
against the side of the tub and elevating his wrist, he noticed it was identical in size, shape,
and location to Yoongi’s. Namjoon panicked. Why wasn’t he waking up? He pulled his hand
back and slapped Jungkook across the face as hard as he could. “JUNGKOOK WAKE UP!”

“Namjoon, wake up!”

What?

Then Namjoon was blinking open his eyes as the nightmare faded although the anxious
feeling in his stomach lingered.

“Namjoon, honey? You were having a nightmare.” Jin said.

Jin’s hand was gently cupping the side of his face as he leaned over him.

“Oh.” Namjoon said dumbly. “Right.” He sat up. “Thanks for waking me up. Have you
checked on Jungkook recently?”

Namjoon was surprised he’d been able to fall asleep at all. Until 4 a.m. he had been tossing
and turning, getting up about twice an hour to check on Jungkook. Yoongi was also awake
every time but Jungkook remained out cold, no doubt due to his medication.
“Yes, he’s still asleep.”

Namjoon moved to get out of the bed but Jin latched onto his arm. “Honey..?”

“I’m fine now. It was just a dream.”

“How are you feeling?” his husband probed. Knowing he wouldn’t be able to go anywhere
until they talked, Namjoon sat back down on the bed with a sigh.

“I’m sorry,” Namjoon said, rubbing a hand down his face in exhaustion.

“What? Why?”

“I completely lost it when you needed me the most. I’m supposed to be an adult but I
couldn’t do anything for Jungkook then I made you clean up everything and take of him and
me.”

“It’s okay Namjoon. You did the most important thing which was stopping him in time and
making sure he was safe until I got there. You’ve been working a lot lately and you’re
stressed. Also, that time with Yoongi, I was the one who was a complete wreck and you were
the calm one.” Jin said, rubbing his back.

It was true. Jin had taken it really hard when Jungkook had went to live with his aunt and
then Yoongi relapsed. Jin was only human. Namjoon wasn’t foolish enough to cut himself the
same slack though because Jin was the one who stayed at home and by default handled that
kind of stuff more, it made sense that the toll was heavier on him. Namjoon’s longer work
hours were nothing compared to what Jin had to deal with all day.

“You don’t need to be the strong one all the time and I don’t mind taking care of you too once
in a while. It’s okay to rely on me. We’re a team.” Jin continued.

“I know, but I shouldn’t have acted like that. It wasn’t good for Jungkook. Or Yoongi for that
matter.”

Jin poked him in the side. “Are you sure it’s not just your macho pride being wounded at
having other people see you cry?”

“No. Maybe.” Namjoon sulked.

“Well they probably are worried about you. We need to call another family meeting.”

“You’re gonna make me share my feelings in the friendship circle?” Namjoon asked in mock
horror. “Dear God, next you’re going to insist I hug everyone and say ‘I love you’.”

Jin smiled at him. It was genuine even if it was lined with exhaustion and had an undertone
of sadness.

“And will Jungkook be participating in this ‘family meeting’?” Namjoon asked.

“I think…” Jin trailed off. He looked guilty. “I think we should have him committed to a
psychiatric facility.”

Namjoon froze. They had promised to not do that. Even Yoongi had never stayed in one.

“I don’t think…that’s not what…” Namjoon stuttered.

“We’ll see what his psychiatrist recommends,” Jin said hurriedly. “But this is taking its toll
on everyone. It could be good for him and us. Let us regroup a little.”

“Regroup a little? What, like it’s some vacation away from him?” Namjoon asked, his tone
more hostile than he intended.

“That’s not what I mean! And the private facility owned by the clinic he goes to for his
therapy is really nice, its nothing like those horror stories we’ve heard.”

“Oh I see you’ve already done the research on this!” Namjoon snapped and he could feel
tears welling up in his eyes again.

“It was just standard information the psychiatrist passed along to me at one of his visits, it’s
not like I’ve been plotting to lock him up!” Jin replied, his voice also sharp.

Namjoon didn’t think he would be able to sleep a wink if Jungkook was locked in some sort
of ward. He needed to know Jungkook was upstairs in his own bed, not in some sterile
hospital where he could barely have any of his possessions and didn’t know anyone. How
would that help Jungkook? It would just traumatize him more. Moreover, they didn’t have
full medical jurisdiction over Jungkook so social services would get involved and Namjoon
wanted them to have as little as possible to do with Jungkook.

“What about social services? What if they take him away from us because they think we
can’t handle him if we want to put him in there?”

“They’re going to have to know about this either way,” Jin pointed out. “And you know they
wouldn’t jump to that conclusion anyways, foster families put kids in them for way less.
Listen, we’re both tired and probably hungry. Let’s eat some breakfast, have some coffee and
see what his psychiatrist actually has to say.”

Namjoon deflated, he really didn’t want to argue. His gaze drifted over to the clock where it
read 6 a.m. They still had two hours until Jungkook’s emergency appointment with his
psychiatrist and therapist.

“Speaking of social services,” Namjoon sighed, “Have you called Ahmed yet?”

“No,” Jin admitted. “I was about to do that now.”

“I can do it,” Namjoon replied, his attempt at a peace offering after blowing up at Jin even
though his husband had been the glue to hold the family together during the last twelve
hours. And besides, deep down, Namjoon knew he had a point.

“We can call him together.” Jin said, fishing for his phone on the nightstand.
The phone rang and rang and Namjoon expected Ahmed wasn’t going to pick up. Jungkook
wasn’t the only child under his care and it was also barely past six in the morning. Then a
voice crackled to life on the other end.

“Jin? Hello?”

“Hi, Ahmed. There’s, uh, been a situation.”

They recounted the events of last night and when they were finished Ahmed let out a long
sigh.

“You should’ve called me last night,” he said eventually.

“I know, sorry. Just a lot was happening and it slipped our minds.” Jin said sheepishly.

“It’s fine, you did everything right.” Ahmed assured.

“It’s okay that we didn’t bring him to the hospital or anything?” Namjoon asked, unable to
shake his paranoia that social services was just waiting for them to mess up. Even though
Ahmed had made it clear he was on their side, Namjoon always felt a degree of nervousness
around social workers like he was a kid again, asking for his parent’s permission.

“I mean if you didn’t have such a history or experience with stuff like that maybe I’d be
worried but I trust you know what you’re doing with him. His appointment is at 8:30 a.m.?”
Ahmed clarified.

Namjoon let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding, “Yeah.”

“Hm, okay, I should be able to make it but I have a couple things to do at the office first. Is
that everything?”

Ahmed didn’t come to the majority of Jungkook’s doctor visits. If he did that for all the
children under his care he would never have time to sleep or eat but this circumstance was
rather extreme. It was part of their job as foster parents to make sure the clinic faxed over the
reports to him.

“Uh,” Jin said and shot a glance at Namjoon. Namjoon gave him a small nod even has his
heart plummeted at what Jin was about to say. “We actually want to discuss maybe having
Jungkook committed to their psychiatric facility at the appointment.”

There was a pregnant pause.

“Oh,” Ahmed said quietly. “I thought you said…never mind. We can discuss it at the
appointment.”

The social worker’s voice had sounded uncertain and it was then that Namjoon was reminded
Ahmed was younger than them. Despite his job, he probably had less experience than they
did at dealing with mental health crises in children. Another reminder that the entity that was
social services was also just made up of human beings. He didn’t know if that comforted or
scared him.
“Okay, take care,” Jin said.

“You too.”

After the phone call, Jin decided to get ready for the day even though he could tell part of
Namjoon still wanted to continue the heated discussion about institutionalizing Jungkook.

It was hard for Jin to admit but he was getting burnt out. Ever since their children started
becoming teenagers Jin had considered going back to work or even school to do a career
change. He never got around to it because there always seemed to be something going wrong.
It wasn’t that he necessarily minded putting his half thought out plans on the back burner –
his children would always be his number one priority and he had no regrets about that fact.
Regardless, on top of the emotional stress of caring for his children he was left with a craving
for interaction with other adults who weren’t doctors, lawyers, or social workers.

Jin’s mouth twisted in contemplation. Yoongi wanted to help more with Jungkook. It warmed
his heart but he still couldn’t get rid of the lingering doubt that it would trigger Yoongi since
he really didn’t know the depth of Jungkook’s trauma. If Yoongi’s mental health started to
decline again then that would be another ball Jin would have to juggle.

---

With Jungkook still slept soundly – and Yoongi was smart enough to know when he was
faking – he decided he could creep downstairs to snatch something for breakfast. He was
rooting around in the cabinets when Jin practically cornered him.

“Is Jungkook awake yet?”

“No, I would’ve told you if he was. Jimin’s in the room with him.”

“I thought I’d make eggs and bacon for everyone,” Jin told him.

“Okay.”

“How are you doing?” Jin asked.

Yoongi’s eyes narrowed. “Why do you keep asking me that all the time?”

“I know you say you’re doing well and everything but everyone is having a hard time with
this situation. I would really appreciate, for my peace of mind, if you went back to therapy.
Only once a week or even once every two weeks.”

“Okay.” Yoongi agreed easily. He’d went to therapy for roughly a decade, the suggestion of it
now wasn’t anything that hurt his pride. Besides, the threat of a depressive episode was
always there, nipping at his heels, leaking into his body and poisoning him like lead. The
weight of it would start in his feet and slowly fill him up, threatening to pull him down into a
dark abyss like the one Jungkook was in. Therapy or not, his highs and lows brought on by
mental illness came in unpredictable cycles and were likely going to be with him the rest of
his life. His dads were stressed and if this gave them some peace of mind it was the least he
could do after all they’d done for him.
“How is dad?” Yoongi asked. He hadn’t mentioned it until now but he had heard Namjoon
sobbing over the phone and still crying when they came in through the front door. It’d shaken
him more than he’d care to admit. Yoongi had never heard either of his dads cry that hard and
it seemed especially out of character for Namjoon.

He recalled how Namjoon had held that towel to his arm that day and rode with him in the
ambulance. His dad had been so calm and reassuring then. Yoongi wondered if it had all been
a façade and Namjoon had broken down some time later or seeing Jungkook trying to do the
same was the final straw. Maybe Yoongi had accidentally given him some sort of PTSD.
Guilt curdled in his stomach.

“Namjoon’s okay now but maybe he will also start seeing a professional,” Jin said.

“What about you?” Yoongi dared to ask.

Jin gave him a wan smile. “It’s probably a good idea if everyone went but there are only so
many hours in the day. We’ll have to see how the logistics work out with the four of you.”

The four of them - Jungkook, Jimin, Namjoon and now him.

“I can drive, you know. So can Hoseok, I guess…I guess he can use my car. If you ever need
someone to drive Jungkook around or something, I’m available.” Yoongi said.

“I appreciate that Yoongi, I really do.” Jin said. “It’s not that I don’t trust you but I’m too
afraid to leave Jungkook alone right now with someone that isn’t me, Namjoon, his social
worker or therapist. And he’s not your responsibility.”

It wasn’t the first time his dads had told him that but the thing was Yoongi did feel
responsible. Did they expect him to believe Jungkook didn’t get any ideas from him? Their
circumstances were too eerily similar.

“Whatever,” Yoongi shrugged.

“Okay, I’ll call your therapist this week and see if she can fit you in again.”

---

Jungkook emerged from his psychiatrist’s office with eyes that were red and puffy. He was
followed out by his therapist Jamie. There was a pang in Namjoon’s chest as he felt the all-
too familiar feeling of his emotions knotting there painfully.

“We won’t take long,” Jin promised as Jungkook curled into a miserable ball in the private
waiting room’s armchairs and Jamie took a seat nearby. Jungkook didn’t reply and then they
were ushered into the room.

The psychiatrist, Doctor Yung, sat behind her desk, the stack of notes supplied from
Jungkook’s therapist in front of her as well as a few pamphlets that seemed to be about
different disorders and medications.
“Jungkook admitted to having suicidal ideation for a while now, before he even went to live
with you it seems,” Doctor Yung began. “It’s not surprising and I know we already discussed
the possibility before.”

“So what do we do? He wasn’t just fantasizing about it he was seconds away from actually
doing it.” Jin asked, cutting to the point.

Ahmed frowned and leaned forward while Namjoon leaned back and screwed his eyes shut
and took a couple deep breaths.

“There are a couple routes we can take. First, I think it’s best we alter Jungkook’s medication.
Particularly the ones for his depression and the mood stabilizer. I’m also going to increase the
daily dosage of anxiety medication to 35mg. It won’t be as high as it was in the beginning
since I know his energy levels had plummeted, hopefully this will be a good middle ground.
This medication isn’t super strict though so you are allowed to increase it by 5mg or so if you
deem it necessary, just make a note of it and don’t go higher than the 50mg dosage he was on
previously.”

“Okay,” Jin said, “But I don’t think that medication is going to cut it.”

“Of course not, medication just treats side effects and not the actual problem itself.” Yung
agreed, “However, I don’t recommend completely overhauling his therapy schedule since he
has expressed his desire to continue with Jamie. A stable routine is crucial for him right
now.”

“So what’s actually going to change?” Ahmed asked.

“His therapist can try a couple different methods to address some of his stressors and fears.
He’s showing a number of signs in line with borderline personality disorder. I don’t feel
confident giving him a formal diagnosis of it just yet but his therapist will start some
approaches that are commonly used to treat it. Here’s a book she recommended for things
you can do at home to help him cope as well.”

Borderline personality disorder? That sounded pretty fucking serious. Jin took a deep breath.
“We were thinking about having him stay under the care of a professional for a little while.”

Unlike Namjoon or Ahmed, Doctor Yung wasn’t surprised even though they had voiced their
strong desire to avoid it before. “That’s an option too. There are also a few different ways it
can work. Given what happened last night, he can be committed on the standard three day
5150-hold for an around the clock suicide watch observation. During that time we will
evaluate him and recommend a longer stay if we deem it necessary. However, he was
expressing regret at his actions which is a positive sign.”

“He could be lying.” Jin said bluntly. Jungkook had been lying for God knows how long at
this point. His suicide attempt was clearly premeditated. He’d been planning it for an
undetermined amount of time if he’d been having suicidal thoughts back while still living
with his father. Of course he wasn’t angry at Jungkook, he was the victim in all this, but the
fact was it would be negligent to trust Jungkook at his word no matter how badly Jin wanted
to and how many times Jungkook apologized.
The last few weeks, mall incident aside, Jungkook had seemed to be doing better than normal
but Jin now believed he was pulling the wool over their eyes to get suspicions away from him
so he could make his arrangements. He had kept quiet about the abuse in the first place for
months and months so he was skeptical of anything Jungkook told authority figures like
Ahmed, his psychiatrist or even therapist.

“That’s true and we also try to take that into account,” Doctor Yung said, interrupting Jin’s
train of thought. “Children often lie by omission unintentionally too since on top of the
trauma they don’t have the maturity to verbalize or make sense of emotions or events in the
way an adult can.”

He could see Namjoon’s jaw working but the fact that Namjoon wasn’t vocalizing any
protests revealed that he was warming up to the idea of having Jungkook stay in the clinic.
Obviously Jungkook would be most comfortable with staying at their house but the most
comfortable option wasn’t necessarily the best option for him.

Maybe if outpatient therapy and psychiatry appointments were available on weekends they
could manage with him at home but they weren’t and it was currently a Friday so after
discussing things a little further with Doctor Yung they decided to have him committed from
now through the weekend. Then, on Monday morning after his regularly scheduled therapy
appointment, they’d hopefully take him home. He would still attend therapy every weekday
next week with his regular therapist Jamie as an outpatient. Next Friday they’d meet with
Doctor Yung again to discuss going back to their normal, thrice-weekly schedule if Jungkook
was ready along with the changes she had recommended earlier.

Finally, she called the ward to let them know of their upcoming emergency admit. All that
was left was to break the news to Jungkook.

“Okay, so how so we tell him?” Jin asked.

“I find that honesty is best in these situations. They can also send over a couple nurses to help
if he resists.”

Jin was worried the probability that Jungkook would need to be subdued physically was high.

“Won’t that traumatize him even more?” Jin asked, his voice finally starting to crack and
wobble.

“That’s a last resort,” Doctor Yung assured and her eyes were sympathetic.

Jin never felt so guilty as Doctor Yung brought Jungkook and Jamie back into the room. Just
minutes before he had felt confident in their plan, but seeing the vulnerability in Jungkook’s
face reignited his own doubts. The somber atmosphere hanging over Jin, Namjoon, and
Ahmed was palpable and Jungkook fidgeted anxiously. Jin tried to muster up a reassuring
smile but Jungkook refused to meet his eyes.

“Jungkook after some discussion with your foster parents and social worker we decided it’s
best if you stay in the in-patient ward we have in the clinic here for a few days,” Doctor Yung
said calmly.
All the color drained from Jungkook’s face.

“It will only be until Monday,” Namjoon said quickly.

“It’s not that we don’t want you to come home with us, we just think the doctors can help you
better than we can right now. And that’s all we want, for you to feel better,” Jin added.

Jungkook’s mouth opened but no words came out and his already puffy eyes swelled with
more tears.

“We’ll come visit you every day. And take you home after your normal appointment with
Jamie on Monday,” Namjoon rambled in a desperate yet futile attempt to assure Jungkook.

The fear, hurt and betrayal that shone in Jungkook’s eyes was something that Jin suspected
would haunt him for the rest of his life.

---

When Jin and Namjoon arrived home they found all their kids huddled on the living room
couch. Despite it being a school day, Jin and Namjoon had let them off the hook for once. All
four heads whipped around to look at them from over the back of the sofa. Taehyung had
returned from his grandparents early too - his uncle had brought him back this morning while
they were still at the clinic. Even though Jin had tried to assure Taehyung they had the
situation under control and he could stay with his grandparents during the weekend as
planned, Taehyung had been adamant about coming home. Jin gave them a weak smile as
Namjoon shut the door behind him and they started to hang up their coats and remove their
shoes.

“Where’s Jungkook?” Yoongi asked softly, his voice cold.

Jin took a fortifying breath, “He’s staying at the clinic this weekend.”

All four pairs of eyes widened simultaneously.

“You left him there!? Alone!?” Yoongi spat.

“He’s with medical professionals who can look after him better than we can right now,”
Namjoon tried to say evenly but his throat felt tight.

“I can’t believe you would do this to him!” Yoongi was standing up now, shouting at them.

Jimin and Taehyung looked scared and Hoseok was upset.

“It’s just until Monday,” Jin said through gritted teeth, at the end of his rope. He knew this
would be upsetting for them but it wasn’t an easy decision. He was trying to do what was in
everyone’s best interests and he wasn’t in the mood to argue about his decision with an
eighteen year old who thought he knew everything.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?!”

“Language!” Jin snapped.

“Let’s not argue right now. You can come visit him with us tomorrow if you’re that worried,”
Namjoon tried to placate but he was also feeling the heaviness of the last twenty four hours
and his patience was running thin.

Yoongi turned on his heel and stalked upstairs while the rest of their kids continued to regard
them nervously from over the back of couch.

“Listen, Namjoon and I are tired right now so we’ll talk later today, okay? You don’t need to
worry about Jungkook, this was what was best for him, I promise.”

“Okay,” Hoseok agreed but the word came out tense.

“Alright, we’ll talk later,” Jin promised again before heading towards his bedroom. He could
use a hot shower and a nap. Maybe he wouldn’t be able to sleep with the amount of stress he
was under but at least laying down with Namjoon for a bit sounded nice. He bit his lip to stop
it from trembling when he pictured Jungkook in an unfamiliar room in a sterile bed with only
medical staff for company. It was the best decision for him right now. It was only for a few
days.

---

“I’m going to talk to Yoongi,” Hoseok said, breaking the silence that had fallen between him,
Taehyung and Jimin after their dads retreated to their bedroom.

Neither of his younger siblings replied, so Hoseok opted for a comforting squeeze on
Taehyung’s shoulder before going to his own room. He was grateful Taehyung had come
back as soon as he could, that way he could keep an eye on Jimin and Hobi could deal with
Yoongi.

He entered their shared room to find Yoongi furiously scrolling on his phone in bed. “I can’t
believe them!” Yoongi ranted as soon as Hoseok entered. “How could they think this was
even an option? Don’t they know how insecure he is about his living situation?”

“Of course they know,” Hoseok reasoned. “They probably talked with his caseworker and
doctor about it and they all decided it was for the best.”

“Then they’re all wrong!” Yoongi shouted.

“I mean why isn’t it a good thing he’s at a hospital right now? The people there can take care
of him. And what did you think was going to happen? They kept you at the hospital for two
days when you hurt yourself!” Hoseok argued, beginning to lose his temper too which didn’t
happen often.

“But he’s all alone there, Hobi!” Yoongi said, tears forming in his eyes. “Dad was allowed to
stay with me the whole time. But they left Jungkook in some crazy house all by himself!”

“Yoongi,” Hoseok began again, this time more gently, “the staff there is trained in this sort of
thing. They know what they’re doing. And doesn’t Jungkook go to some fancy place now
 anyways? It probably looks like a mansion and has golden toilets or something.”

“It doesn’t matter how nice it looks,” Yoongi retorted, “he’ll still feel abandoned.”

“Maybe then he can realize he can trust our dads more when they go to visit and pick him
up.”

“You sound pretty happy with the fact that they just left him there,” Yoongi retorted.

“I’m not happy,” Hoseok replied, fighting to not raise his voice again, “but what would you
have us do? Put him on some suicide watch here? Don’t you know how stressful that would
be for Taehyung and Jimin? What if he tried to do something while everyone was home?
Don’t you know-

Hoseok cut himself off, unsure of how far he wanted to press the issue. He steeled himself
and forged ahead.

“Don’t you know how hard it was for Jimin and Tae after you came back from the hospital?
Taehyung’s insomnia and Jimin’s anxiety was the worst it had ever been. Even I couldn’t
sleep and kept checking on you every hour for weeks.”

By the time Hoseok had finished Yoongi had grown pale and the fire in his eyes died. “I’m
sorry.”

The aftermath of Yoongi’s suicide attempt or whatever he wanted to call it had left everyone
in their house on edge for weeks. It was the only time Hoseok was thankful that Jungkook
was off living with one of his bio-relatives.

“You don’t need to apologize!” Hoseok said, exasperated. “But it’s not fair to put Jimin and
Taehyung through that again. Or even our dads.”

Hoseok didn’t completely disagree with Yoongi. While he thought maybe it was the best
choice to keep Jungkook at a clinic for a little while, he didn’t necessarily think it was the
best for Jungkook. Rather, it was the best for everyone else in their household. Yoongi, while
he could be quick-tempered sometimes, was undoubtedly moreso right now because he
hadn’t slept either last night. At least they could sleep tonight with the knowledge that
Jungkook was safe.

“Let’s visit him tomorrow,” Hoseok suggested.

Yoongi sniffled, “Okay.”

“It’ll be okay Yoongi,” Hoseok said. “Jungkook’s strong.”

Chapter End Notes

Thank you for all your lovely comments on the last chapters, it's meant so much!!
 Chapter 18
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes

“They’re not coming to get me, I know they’re not!” Jungkook was adamant. He could
already picture walking out the clinic’s door on Monday to be greeted with Ahmed who
would then bring him back to the social services office while his caseworker frantically
called around to all the foster families in the city. No one would want him. He’d actually be
all alone then. It made him feel sick to his very core.

All in all though, he had to admit the clinic itself wasn’t actually that bad. The doctors and
therapists were all really nice to him even when he got upset and screamed at them. When he
had panicked after an outburst he thought they were going to tie him to the bed or something
like he’d seen in movies and if that happened he would really, truly lose it. They never did
however and just continued to talk and ask him questions normally.

The first night was the worst, he had managed to fall asleep without that much trouble but he
awoke in the middle of the night because he had wet the bed. He had been utterly humiliated
but the nurses were very kind and professional about it and changed the sheets quickly.
Another one gave him some medicine to help him fall back asleep because he’d been
becoming hysterical at the mortification of it all.

The food was also surprisingly good even if he was too nervous to eat much of it. One of the
nurses snuck him extra desserts to try and tempt his appetite. He grudgingly appreciated their
effort even if the sugary aroma just made his stomach cramp tighter in queasy, anxiety-
induced nausea.

He wasn’t really allowed to participate in many free time activities since there was some way
of getting granted more permissions and he was supposedly only a short term patient under a
strict suicide-watch intervention thing. He was allowed to watch the clinic-chosen movies or
even play video games with some of the other patients but he preferred to stay by himself in a
corner and read. Most of the patients had a scheduled time every day to do school work as
well but Jungkook hadn’t gone to school since September. It wasn’t too different from his
actual day to day life – a lot of therapy and a lot of free time to do whatever.

The problem was that no matter what anyone said he remained utterly convinced that Jin and
Joon weren’t going to pick him up on Monday. He kept envisioning it, being lead to the front
of the clinic to see only Ahmed standing there. Just the thought of it made tears prick his eyes
and his chest and throat feel tight.

“Instead of Monday, how about tomorrow? They said they were coming to visit you?” the
clinic therapist asked on the first day he was committed.

“They won’t.” Jungkook replied with certainty. They’d only said that to try and make him not
freak out.
But then they did visit, with Yoongi and Hobi in tow. They’d even brought him a couple of
his things although what he was allowed to have in the clinic was extremely limited.
Everyone had to wear these weird clothes somewhere between soft pajamas and papery
hospital scrubs and special shoes with no laces.

The visit was tense and awkward. Jin and Joon kept trying to get him to talk to them.
Jungkook was torn between wanting to scream at them for leaving him here while also cry
and beg for their forgiveness. Jin and Joon repeated that they’d come again tomorrow and
would bring him home on Monday if he was feeling a little better. Yoongi and Hobi were nice
to him but looked on the verge of tears. Neither of them were criers and seeing them so upset
made him uncomfortable and guilty.

After the visit the therapist came to talk to him again, asking him how he felt about seeing
them after being convinced they weren’t going to come.

Jungkook had already figured out the answer. It was just to ease him into a false sense of
security. They had brought some of his things so it’d be quicker to move him out.

“Three books and a stuffed animal? I’m sure you have more belongings than that,” the
therapist pointed out lightly.

“Well they probably wanted to bring more but this place has all these stupid rules,” Jungkook
said, hugging the stuffed bear defensively so the furs tickled his chin. It was the one his mom
had given him and he was both embarrassed and comforted by its presence.

On Sunday they visited again, this time with Tae and Jimin. Unlike Hobi and Yoongi they
couldn’t actually hide their emotions that well. Taehyung wept openly and Jimin’s eyes had a
watery sheen to them. It made Jungkook feel self-conscious and sad until he cried too.

“I can’t wait for you to come home tomorrow,” Tae had said as they left, giving him a wobbly
smile.

“They’re lying,” Jungkook told his therapist but with slightly less conviction than before. At
least his brothers would miss him a little bit.

Come Monday, Jungkook’s regular therapist, Jamie, came to the clinic and had a session with
him after looking over the notes made by the doctors and therapists over the weekend.

After a long talk with her and the ward’s psychiatrist, they said he could get changed back
into his normal clothes and would be allowed to leave. Jungkook really had expected them to
extend his stay or something while social services figured out what to do with him but maybe
they already found another place for him to live? Or maybe Jin and Joon really didn’t
abandon him? He didn’t want to let himself hope but his brain was dumb and did it anyway.

When the nurse gave him clothes to change into, he noticed they weren’t the ones he came
with but some of his clothes from Jin and Joon’s house that smelled freshly laundered. What
if? After he was dressed the same nurse handed him the rest of his possessions in a bag and
he was walked to the ward’s sealed entrance by her and his therapist. The double doors that
required a medical staff’s ID to access shut dramatically behind him and now it was just him
and Jamie. They continued to the outpatient part of the clinic, the part he was most familiar
with and where his therapy sessions normally were.

As they turned a corner into the lobby, Jungkook’s eyes bugged out of his head and his
breathe stuttered as he saw Jin and Namjoon waiting there. Namjoon had been pacing and Jin
had been seated but sprung up as soon as he saw Jungkook.

“Jungkook!” Namjoon exclaimed happily.

“Hi honey,” Jin said, approaching him and enveloping him in a tight hug.

And then the bathroom door in the corner squeaked open and Ahmed emerged. Jungkook’s
mouth went dry.

“Ready to go home?” Namjoon asked. “We already finished filling out the paperwork.”

Jungkook didn’t know where home was or if he even had one.

Ahmed nodded. “It’s good to see you Jungkook. I’m sorry I have to rush off now but I have
some other business but we’ll have our regular meeting on Thursday, okay?”

“O-okay,” Jungkook said, not entirely understanding the situation.

“Okay, great. Take care now,” Ahmed said and then he was walking hurriedly out the clinic
door, looking stressed. Jungkook wondered if there was some other kid in peril he was
rushing off to save that took precedence over him.

“Alright, I’ll see you tomorrow Jungkook,” Jamie said before turning around and heading
towards the direction of her office.

Now it was just him and Jin and Joon. Jungkook shifted nervously on the balls of his feet.

“Here let me carry that,” Namjoon said, trying to take the bag of stuff from Jungkook. His
hand had crystallized around the handle but he let it go limp as Namjoon tugged insistently.
Then, Jin’s hand was on his back steering him out of the clinic and towards their car.

“Some rules at our house are going to change Kookie, at least for a little while,” Jin said on
the drive home. “You and Hobi are going to share his and Yoongi’s room for the time being
and Yoongi will take your bedroom. We rearranged the furniture already. If you want to be
alone at times, that’s okay, but you’re going to have to leave the doors open, alright?”

“Okay,” Jungkook choked out.

“And we’re going to go back to the schedule of checking your arms every other day for the
time being.”

“Okay,” he stuttered again. That was it? They were actually taking him home and just setting
a few extra rules? “What about Ahmed?” he managed to ask.
 “What about him?” Namjoon said. “I think he wanted to talk more today but he has other
kids to check on too.”

“Alright,” Jungkook said, deciding to let the matter drop.

Jin chattered on about making some of Jungkook’s favorite food for dinner and Namjoon said
they were going to have a family movie night tonight because everyone had missed him.

He swallowed as tears threatened to sting his eyes. Jin and Joon were really just taking him
home. Maybe the doctors and therapists were right. Maybe it really was that simple.

Chapter End Notes

Hi, everyone thanks for reading. This will be the last update for a few weeks as I'm
going on vacation and have various school matters to focus on. I know this is a short
little chapter but its a good breaking point and I wanted to end somewhere more positive
before the holidays. Cheers!
 Chapter 19
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes

Things started to settle down after a few weeks. Everyone was visibly more relaxed around
each other and Jungkook. While there was still the rule that Jungkook wasn’t allowed to be
home alone, Jin started feeling comfortable enough to leave him with his brothers for small
periods of time. For the most part Jungkook seemed to be doing okay. There was really only
one big panic attack in the weeks following his stay at the clinic and it had to do with his
newfound paranoia regarding strangers. Jin wasn’t necessarily surprised. At the last family
meeting both Hoseok and Jimin too had confessed to feeling anxious about running into sex
offenders or other criminals involved in Jungkook’s abuse as well.

Frankly, Jin couldn’t blame them and he shared the worry. Not just about the danger it posed
in the moment but it’s aftereffects – getting recognized at the mall was what had finally
pushed Jungkook over the edge and no one could say for sure whether or not it would happen
again. Jin didn’t want to encourage Jungkook to become a recluse but he still hadn’t thought
of a good way to protect Jungkook from potential recognition in public except for letting him
a wear a baseball cap pulled low over his eyes in the rare times they did go out.

Moreover, ever since the last time he and Namjoon had gone to the police station and saw
what they saw, they knew at least a few of those monsters had heard their names. It had sown
a persistent seed of fear in Jin’s heart. It was a long-shot and Jin was rational enough to know
the chances of some pedophile ever knocking on their door was slim to none. Still, with
everything that had happened, he and Namjoon started to get some price quotes for a home
security system.

Anyways, yes, Jungkook had seemed to be doing okay since he came back from the clinic
and even his anxiety hadn’t been as bad until-

The doorbell rang and Jungkook jumped. “Who’s that?” he asked nervously.

“I don’t know,” Jin said.

“You didn’t order anything?”

“No, it’s probably just a neighbor or something,” Jin replied, already getting up from the
kitchen table and making his way to the front door.

“Don’t answer it!” Jungkook hissed.

“It’s okay, Kookie,” Jin promised, struggling to not feel overwhelmed. He didn’t want
Jungkook to start spiraling again and become afraid of his own shadow. It was only ever
setback after setback and the only thing Jin wanted was for Jungkook to find some semblance
of peace after all he’d went through.
He gave Jungkook what he hoped was a reassuring smile before leaving the kitchen to
answer the door. When he opened it he was greeted by Laura, a woman who lived a few
houses down. Her kids were all grown and moved out now. She busied herself with some
chickens and gardening and stopped by every now and then to drop off fresh vegetables and
eggs. When she went out of town to visit her kids she usually hired Hoseok, Taehyung, or
Jimin to watch her cat and dog and in the summers for small yard maintenance. “Laura, hi,
how are you?” Jin greeted warmly.

“Hello Jin!” she beamed. “I just thought I’d drop off some eggs. Usually the chickens don’t
lay when the weather is still this cold so I was surprised by them. Thought you might like
some.”

“It’s very welcome. Namjoon loves his omelets. Would you like to come in?” he offered.
Maybe if Jungkook saw it was their neighbor he’d known his whole life instead of some
monster from his imagination he’d stop being so jumpy every time there was a knock on the
door.

“Oh, no, I have to go down to the church to help with preparing some stuff for Sunday school
but it was nice seeing you. Tell Namjoon I say hi.”

“Will do, have a nice day Laura, and thanks again.”

Jin shut the door behind him and made his way back to the kitchen to deposit the eggs in the
fridge. What he found was Jungkook crouched in the corner holding a butter knife out in front
of him like a weapon because they still had the steak knives locked up. His stomach flip-
flopped and he hastily set the eggs on the counter before crouching down and approaching
Jungkook like a wild animal.

“Kookie? What are you doing?”

“Who…who was at the door?” Jungkook whispered his voice hoarse.

“It was just our neighbor Laura. She gave me some eggs. That’s all. Didn’t you hear our
conversation?”

Jungkook took a shuddering breath and the knife fell from his hands to clatter on the kitchen
floor. Jin snatched it up and set it on the counter. When he turned back to Jungkook, his
youngest’s expression crumpled and he began to cry. Jin moved to hug him but Jungkook
shoved him away.

“D-don’t…”

“Hey, hey, it’s okay, I won’t touch you, see?” Jin said lifting his hands in surrender.

Jungkook hiccupped a few more times. “’M sorry.”

“I’m worried about you Kookie.” The thought slipped out unintentionally.

Jungkook took another shuddering breath and screwed his eyes shut tighter.
“I know you’re trying so hard to get better and I’m proud of you,” Jin added.

Jin wished the world wasn’t so overwhelming and scary for his son. He wished he could fix it.

---

“By the way, I, uh, changed rooms. I share with Hobi now,” Jungkook explained to Mia
nervously as they marched upstairs. “But don’t worry, he doesn’t really hang out in the
bedroom that much.”

“Oh, why did you switch? Yoongi has your room now?”

“Well, Yoongi’s the oldest and he has all his music stuff so I guess it was just fair. I don’t
really mind.”

Jungkook did mind. He wasn’t exactly afraid of his brothers but he often just wanted to be
alone. It was true that Hoseok wasn’t one to lay around his bedroom since he was usually out
and about but even if Jungkook was alone in the room, the sight of all his brother’s stuff
made him feel uncomfortable and annoyed.

“Yeah, you were pretty lucky to have your own room for so long,” Mia agreed. “Anyways,
you ghosted me for a month,” she remarked coolly as they made it to the bedroom.

Jungkook felt his cheeks heat up. Mia wasn’t necessarily nosy but she was straightforward.
He hadn’t really wanted to invite her over again at all but Jin was clearly worried about his
social life and mentioned Mia up a couple times since the first time he had her over.
Jungkook had to admit that even though he had hung out with her as a way of saying
goodbye last time, he had had a good time.

“Sorry,” Jungkook mumbled. “I had some stuff going on.”

“Like with your dad? Your biological dad I mean,” Mia clarified.

“Um, yeah, kind of,” Jungkook lied.

Jungkook sensed her hesitancy.

“You know you can tell me stuff if you want. I won’t tell anyone at school,” she said.

“Oh…thanks. Um, yeah, maybe some time…”

“Okay,” Mia said and then she gave him a smile and relaxed, sensing it was time to move on
from his mysterious whereabouts of the last month. “Anyways did you practice the song?”

Mia had messaged him some simple guitar tabs from a song by her current favorite singer,
Aurora, a couple days ago when he texted her if she wanted to hang out later in the week.

“A little,” he said. “It’s not good enough to record yet.”

She was adamant that they do a cover together of the song for her Youtube channel.
Jungkook had no intention of ever recording himself to be posted online again but he didn’t
tell her that. He wouldn’t tell her that it could be dangerous for her. He could already feel
sweat beading on his skin as he imagined some creepy guy discovering the channel and
recognizing him. And then by proxy trying to find out who she was.

Mia rolled her eyes dramatically. “I didn’t think we were gonna record today. Do I look like I
have my camera with me? We would have to do it at my house anyways because I have that
backdrop. But we can do some rehearsals. Oh, and I want to show you some of Aurora’s live
performances because there’s often a male vocalist who harmonizes with her and plays guitar,
so I think we could do something like that.”

“Um, sure.”

They spent a while in relative silence sitting on the floor with their backs against his
bedframe watching music videos on Youtube. Eventually Mia pulled out her phone to show
him her Tik Tok feed.

“You should really make an account, Jungkook. You’re pretty good at dancing, you could get
popular.”

“I’m, uh, camera shy,” Jungkook said lamely. He winced at the awkwardness of the
statement.

Mia laughed, not taking his statement seriously but he didn’t blame her. “Since when? Listen,
I had a good idea for a Tik Tok video this morning,” she said.

Jungkook groaned internally, feeling more frustrated then he probably should. He knew it
was what everyone did these days and it was his own fault that Mia didn’t understand why he
didn’t want to film himself. He had grown to hate and fear social media although he wasn’t
completely absent from it - he still had his Instagram account but he’d set it to private and
removed all the photos of himself and his brothers. Now it was mostly just pictures of his
pets and some miscellaneous things. His most recent post was from last year, a couple
months after he had moved in with his father where he had had a rare good day playing
soccer with some kids from school and had snapped a photo of the grass-stained, battered
ball.

Mia’s phone was once again shoved under his nose. “See, look, this dance is trending right
now,” Mia explained. “It’s really simple though so I thought we could have Jemma and Binky
do it by holding them and moving their legs.”

“O-kay,” Jungkook agreed reluctantly. He could make sure his face wasn’t on the screen
when they recorded it. “I’ll go grab Binky real quick, be right back,” he said. Jemma was
already asleep on the bed behind them.

Jungkook went downstairs, using the opportunity to take some deep breaths. He really didn’t
want to seem crazy in front of Mia.
He went into Jin and Joon’s room to find Binky asleep on his dog bed. It would take hours for
Binky to wake up naturally and Jungkook didn’t think the dog could even walk upstairs
anymore. Jungkook grunted as he scooped him up into his arms.

“What are you doing?” Hoseok asked as Jungkook trudged across the living room to the
stairs as he carried the half-asleep dog.

“Mind your own business!” Jungkook snapped. He picked up his pace to avoid an argument.
He was annoyed at Mia’s obsession of becoming a social media influencer or whatever and
Hoseok for being in his room and business all the time and Binky for being stupid and old.
Binky shifted in his arms and yawned. Jungkook forced himself to take another few deep
breaths.

“Here,” Jungkook said dumping Binky unceremoniously on the floor once he made it back to
the bedroom.

“Careful!” Mia chided, “Isn’t he like geriatric or something?” She made dumb kissy faces at
Binky as the dog wagged his tail and licked her face in greeting. “I wish my family had pets,
too bad my dad is allergic to everything in existence. Okay, anyways, if we move your
nightstand I can put my phone on top of it and then we hold them in our laps and move their
paws for them.”

“Okay.”

Thankfully, they managed to film it after only a few takes, probably because Jemma and
Binky were lazy and pliable and didn’t mind him or Mia puppeteering their legs around.
Binky didn’t even care when Mia snatched a pair of Hoseok’s sunglasses and put them on
Binky’s face for the second take. In fact, when they were done and Mia let go of Jemma’s
paws, the cat curled up right then and there in her lap. Binky at least managed to walk a
couple steps before laying down on the carpet on his side and closing his eyes with a huff.

After that they pulled up a Karaoke playlist on Youtube and sang along. It took a few videos
for Jungkook to start feeling comfortable and his voice to warm up but when it did he finally
started to feel more relaxed, the first time since Mia arrived. This was okay. Safe inside the
house and no camera recording anything, even if his face wasn’t in it. He had a friend. He
had hobbies. He kind of had a family.

“My brother’s coming to get me soon,” Mia eventually said as she checked the time on her
phone. “He’s picking me up after his shift. I told him I can walk but he’s obsessed with
driving now, like it’s all he wants to do. It’s so annoying.”

Her older brother David was nineteen but because of his Down Syndrome had taken slightly
longer in getting his license compared to his peers. Taehyung and Jimin only had their
learner’s permits but they too were constantly hounding Namjoon or Jin to take them out to
practice.

“Yeah, I don’t get what the big deal is,” Jungkook remarked as she gathered up her things.
Jungkook picked up Binky again and they made their way downstairs.
“Ah, I was wondering where Binky was. What were you doing with him upstairs?” Jin asked,
intercepting them in the living room.

Jungkook felt a flare of anger. Was this Jin’s not-so-subtle way of trying to pry into his
friendship with Mia? Before he could make a sharp retort however, Mia spoke up. “We’re
making him famous. He’s going to be a sensation.”

Jin frowned. “I doubt that, he can barely walk around the block.”

“Jungkook, show him the video later, then he’ll understand,” Mia said confidently.

“Were you heading out Mia? Did you need a ride home?” Jin asked.

Jungkook wondered why everyone couldn’t just leave them alone.

“Oh, no thank you, my brother is coming to get me,” she turned to Jungkook. “I’m sorry, I
realized I forgot to ask if you wanted anything from Starbucks. He’s bringing me a drink
because he still owes me. Did I tell you he gave me a Starbuck’s gift card for Christmas
which, first of all, is lame because he already works there. But then, as a joke, the card only
had $1.20 on it! Do you know what you can get for $1.20 at Starbucks? Nothing! I had no
money on me either, I was so embarrassed.”

Yoongi snorted in amusement from the couch where he was blatantly eavesdropping with
Hoseok but turned it into a cough as Mia whipped her head around and glared at him. Jin
gave her a wan smile and started coaxing Binky towards the coat rack where his leash hung.

“His co-workers have corrupted him I swear to God.” Mia rambled on. “He’s even talking
about moving out now.”

“Maybe it could be fun being an only-child,” Jungkook mumbled. Jungkook certainly

wouldn’t mind having time and space from his so-called brothers.

“But then who would drive me everywhere?!” Mia exclaimed even though she had just
complained about her brother’s driving a few minutes ago.

“Okay,” was all Jungkook said.

The doorbell rang and Jin, who was now by the door clipping a leash to Binky’s collar,
opened it. David stood there holding some drink with an obnoxious amount of whipped
cream on it that made Jungkook feel woozy by just looking at it. Mia squealed – Jungkook
winced at the shrillness of it - and took it from him eagerly.

“David is it? Mia said you work at Starbucks?” Jin asked, clearly thinking about something.

“Yes, sir.”

“The one nearby, on the corner of Meadowood and Mitchell street?”

“That’s the one,” David confirmed.

Jin reached down to grab Binky’s collar from where the dog was starting to nose outside. “I
saw a sign that said they’re hiring.”

“We are, we’re actually really short on staff right now. I’ve been working extra.”

“Hoseok!” Jin suddenly barked.

Hoseok looked up from the video game he and Yoongi had started, terrified. “Oh no.”

“If you have so much free time to play video games all day, how about you send in an
application to Starbucks?”

It looked like all the bones bled out of Hoseok’s body as he sagged against the couch and put
on his most pitiful expression. “I can’t, I’d be no good at it.”

Jungkook felt his cheeks heat up in embarrassment.

Mia slurped loudly on her drink, eyes wide and eager as she watched the scene unfold.

“Why not?” Jin snapped. “You love coffee. It’s about time you start earning your own
spending money.”

“You get free drinks during your shift, as long as you make them. And if you get hired we
can carpool if we have the same schedule. I have my own car,” David supplied helpfully.

“Oh my god, quit flexing your driver’s license, no one cares!” Mia said from around her
straw.

Hoseok, however, had shot upright at the new information and bounded over, his demeanor
from just moments before gone. “What? Free drinks? Really? Oh my god, I’ll send in an
application today. Can you please put in a good word for me?” he begged David.

“He doesn’t even know you,” Jungkook pointed out but no one was paying any attention to
him anymore.

David merely shrugged. “Sure.”

Jin clapped. “Excellent. Thank you. This house needs less couch potatoes. It’s a nice offer to
drive but it’s also close enough that you can ride your bike, Hobi, so don’t try and beg us for
your own car if your schedules don’t line up.” Jin said pointedly.

Jungkook rolled his eyes. Jin was acting like Hoseok already had the job.

“Have a nice day you guys,” Jin said to Mia and David as they finally filed out the door.

“See you Jungkook!” Mia said cheerfully. “Bye Binky,” she cooed as she patted the dogs
head one last time.

“Bye,” Jungkook mumbled. The door finally shut and Jungkook turned towards Jin and
Hoseok, fuming. “You guys are so embarrassing!” he snapped.
“Jungkook,” Jin said warily.

“Everyone was listening to my conversation and chiming in!”

“You were in the living room,” Hoseok pointed out, his usually cheerful brother also
unimpressed.

“We were talking about Hobi, it had nothing to do with you.” Jin added.

“Don’t lie! You all think I’m a friendless loser who’s gonna snap at any moment!”

“Well look at how you’re acting right now!” Hoseok retorted angrily.

“Hoseok!” Jin said sharply.

“I hate you!” Jungkook yelled.

“Jungkook!” Jin snapped.

But Jungkook was already storming upstairs. “What’s his problem?” he heard Hoseok ask.
“He’s been at my throat constantly.” Yoongi and Jin mumbled something too but Jungkook
continued his angry trek to his room where he slammed his door behind him. Just for good
measure he opened and slammed it shut again. He threw himself on his bed, frustrated that he
wanted to get away from his brother but they shared a fucking room because no one trusted
or believed anything he said. He screamed into his pillow.

---

Jungkook hadn’t touched his Switch in weeks because he still felt weird from the time Jin
had noticed him with it which lead to an interrogation by his social worker about Jonathon.
He’d left it in a basket under the TV cabinet where they kept miscellaneous gaming
accessories. Slowly, it had sunk to the bottom of the tangle of wires and controllers. That is
until Taehyung had somehow unearthed it and decided to take it for himself.

Jungkook had been walking down the hall to go to his room when he passed by Taehyung
and Jimin’s open door.

“Jungkookie!” Taehyung called out.

Jungkook paused. “What?”

“Is this yours?”

And that was when Jungkook looked and saw Taehyung waving the Switch about.

“Oh, uh yeah.”

“You didn’t tell me you had one! And with Sword and Shield!” Taehyung whined.

“Sorry. You can have it if you want.”

Taehyung’s eyes widened. “What? No, it’s yours. How about we share it? Come look at my
Pokemon collection, I made all their nicknames puns.”

Jungkook sighed but entered the room and took a seat on the bed.

Taehyung prattled on and on about the pros and cons of the game while Jungkook sat stonily.

“Can I tell you something?” Jungkook asked, interrupting his older brother.

“Sure,” Taehyung said, slowly setting the device down.

“J-jonathon, um, gave me that.” The name was bitter on his tongue.

Taehyung’s expression was unreadable for a few excruciatingly long moments. “You mean
your stepbrother gave you the Switch?”

“Yes,” Jungkook whispered, his cheeks burning in shame.

“He was one of the ones who…who hurt you, right?” Taehyung asked, equally as quietly.

Jungkook couldn’t bring himself to answer verbally so he just gave a tiny nod, picking at a
stray thread on Taehyung’s navy-blue comforter.

“Oh, Kookie, I’m sorry, I didn’t know. I won’t use it anymore if it bothers you.”

“No, it’s fine.”

There was a pause and then Jungkook steeled his nerves and asked, “Can I sleep in here
tonight?”

---

Taehyung was taken aback at the question but quick to answer, “Of course, Kookie. Did you
get into another fight with Hobi?”

Jimin was spending the night at a friend’s and even though Taehyung knew Jungkook was
probably asking because he wanted to avoid Hoseok rather than spend time with him, he
couldn’t ignore the flicker of happiness at the suggestion.

Jungkook wiped at his eyes and sniffled loudly.

“Um, do you want me to get one of our dads?” Taehyung asked uncertainly.

“N-no, I’m okay.”

“Alright,” Tae said and his hand reached out to hesitantly touch his brother’s back in a
gesture of comfort.

Jungkook didn’t flinch and that gave Tae the courage to wrap him in a loose side-hug. “I’m
really sorry you’re going through so much, Kookie.”
“It’s ok-kay, it’s not y-your fault.”

“And you can sleep in here any time you want. We can make Jimin sleep in the pantry.”

A half-laugh, half-hiccupping-sob sputtered out of Jungkook’s mouth.

“Hoseok hates me b-because I’ve been so m-mean to him,” Jungkook said.

“Hobi doesn’t hate you, he just doesn’t know why you’re so upset with him all the time.”

“I don’t know why either,” Jungkook admitted.

“Well, I’m glad to spend more time with you anyways.”

Taehyung had never admitted it to Jungkook before but his insomnia, while sometimes
seemingly flaring up randomly, it always did when his little brother wasn’t living with them.
He would get nightmares and had taken up a now-permanent habit of hugging pillows or
stuffed animals to fend them off which is why so many fluffy creatures lined his bed even if
the rest of his brothers sometimes teased him about it. When they were younger and
Jungkook would come back to visit from his bio-relative’s house or after being dumped back
into their home as foster kid, he and Jungkook would sleep in the same bed together,
Taehyung content to exchange a stuffed animal for Jungkook.

They hadn’t slept in the same bed since Jungkook was nine or ten and they certainly weren’t
going to again now – Jungkook would just take Jimin’s bed – it gave him hope that there
were still pieces of the old Jungkook behind all those walls he’d built up.

---

It took nearly a month after Jungkook’s return from the clinic for Yoongi to get the courage to
talk to him about something that had been bothering him ever since he learned of Jungkook’s
self-harm behavior. When he knew Jungkook was alone in his and Hobi’s room, Yoongi
knocked and entered, under the pretense of looking for a hat he had left in there.

“You know,” Yoongi said after puttering about pretending to look for the hat he knew was
hanging on the corner of his bed frame, “Jemma actually fucking hissed at me when she saw
me sleeping in your room.”

“It’s your room now,” Jungkook mumbled.

“Only temporarily, once you’re feeling a little better we can trade again.”

Jungkook shrugged noncommittally. Yoongi decided now was as good as time as ever to
bring it up since Jungkook obviously wasn’t interested in or fooled by small talk.

He cleared his throat nervously. “Jungkook, you know these things were a mistake, right?” he
asked, pulling up his sleeve and gesturing to his arm.

Jungkook looked uncomfortable – or at least more uncomfortable than he already did - and
quickly averted his eyes. “I know.”
 “I don’t know if you got the idea from me but it’s not the right way to deal with your
problems, Kook.”

“I know. And it’s not your fault,” Jungkook sighed. “It’s not like you invented it.”

“I want you to tell me if you feel like doing it again, if you don’t feel comfortable telling
anyone else. I know what it’s like, I can help.” Yoongi pressed even though he doubted
Jungkook would take him up on the offer.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t realize everyone would be so upset,” Jungkook said quietly.

“Of course, we were upset, we love you!” Yoongi exclaimed.

Jungkook just looked uncertain and shrank away. “I’m not going to do it again. I don’t want
to make everyone feel worse.”

“Just worry about yourself. We’re older than you and can handle things.”

“I didn’t think Jin and Joon would actually pick me up from the hospital,” Jungkook blurted
out.

Yoongi’s brow furrowed. “I told them it was a stupid fucking idea to bring you to that clinic,
honestly I still can’t believe they did that without asking any of us. They should’ve let you
stay here instead. I’m still mad at them for it, I don’t know if I can forgive them.”

“I don’t want you to be at them because of me. And, I mean it wasn’t actually that bad. I
understand why they did it, I guess,” Jungkook mumbled. “It wasn’t their fault.”

“Oh,” Yoongi said, deflating. He supposed it was good Jungkook wasn’t traumatized by the
experience but he’d been holding on to his righteous anger for weeks and now he didn’t
know what to do with it. “Well, once they adopt you I guess you can really stop worrying
about that sort of thing.”

Jungkook tensed and looked closed off again in the way he always did when the subject of
adoption was brought up. That was the thing, no matter what anyone said or did, Yoongi
suspected declarations or shows of love would always be doubted because it was so obvious
that many of Jungkook’s insecurities stemmed from his ‘foster’ status. He really hoped they
would hear some news regarding Jungkook’s custody soon.

Chapter End Notes

Hey, this chapter is kind of all over the place - sorry for that! Anyways, I will update
again next week but after that I am going on hiatus until March to focus on stuff.

Hope everyone had happy holidays! Happy New Year. :)

 Chapter 20
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes

Jin and Namjoon had their adoption petition ready to be submitted to the court at any time. It
was a collection of documents that they had put together alongside their adoption attorney
many, many times now. The only roadblock was Jungkook’s father since the majority of
adoptions required the birth parents, if they were still in the picture, to waive their parental
rights.

However, there were extenuating circumstances when the court would involuntarily terminate
such rights. And Jungkook’s situation was anything if not extreme. Ahmed assured them that
despite the fuss Junghawn was making there was almost no way he would be given another
opportunity to get custody of Jungkook. Still, formally, the law required two things. First, that
the parent be determined as unfit with clear and convincing evidence. Second, that severing
the parent-child relationship was in the child’s best interests.

Neither should be hard to prove given what had happened but it was the first point that was
presenting a problem. Junghwan, and his ex-wife for that matter, had been cleared of any
charges. The truth was it really wasn’t Junghwan’s fault. Not the actual committing of the
physical, sexual, and emotional abuse at least. Ahmed was confident that Junghwan’s failure
to notice the abuse was within the parameters of neglect. But nobody had noticed. Not
Junghwan, not social services, Jungkook’s school, or Jin and Namjoon. They couldn’t blame
Junghwan without pointing a finger at themselves. Hell, Jungkook’s previous caseworker had
even gotten a slap on the wrist for it, which is why Jungkook’s welfare had been transferred
from her to Ahmed.

Jin didn’t want to leave any stone unturned and had questioned Ahmed about the hypocrisy
of it all.

“You have a point,” Ahmed admitted, “But Junghwan was Jungkook’s primary caregiver at
the time so most of the blame would fall on him. Especially since some of the abuse did
occur in Junghwan’s home while he was present. I’m not denying that it was a huge failure of
social services too though.”

The image of Jonathon or Kevin exploiting Jungkook in his own bedroom, a place that
should be a safe space, made Jin sick to his stomach. He tried to swallow his ongoing horror
at the situation and put his faith that Ahmed and the legal system would do right by Jungkook
this time.

Regardless, the legal proceedings of actually terminating Junghwan’s rights moved at a

snail’s pace. Although the family courts and social services could claim that they wanted
what was in Jungkook’s best interest, every day they made the boy wait in uncertainty was
actively harming and impeding his recovery process.
Thus, it came as a surprise when Ahmed dialed them in the middle of a Sunday, given that
they had no upcoming meetings or home-visits with the social worker for another couple of
weeks.

“Hello,” Ahmed greeted before cutting to the points, “I’m calling to let you know that
Junghwan is interested in a meeting with you guys and Jungkook.”

“Meeting? What kind of meeting?” Namjoon asked, turning up the speaker volume all the
way so both he and Jin could hear properly.

“I think he’s warming up to the idea that he probably won’t get Jungkook back. I’ve informed
him many times that the situation does not look good for him and that we’re in the process of
compiling evidence to submit to the family court to terminate his rights permanently. I think
the message finally got through to him when he realized how expensive his own lawyer
would be. I’d like to get Jungkook’s opinion on the matter for the records but I don’t think it’s
a good idea for him to actually meet with his father. At least not right now.”

Even unintentionally, Junghwan could say something to manipulate and guilt-trip Jungkook
into wanting to go back to him. Jungkook wasn’t going to be involved in any more messes
concerning adults.

“So he wants to waive his parental rights?” Jin clarified. His voice betrayed no emotion and
Namjoon knew he didn’t want to dare hope that this thirteen year battle over Jungkook could
finally come to an end.

It certainly would be easier and less painful, emotionally and financially, for all parties if they
settled the matter amicably outside of court. And more than that, Namjoon viewed it as a sort
of justice if Junghwan gave Jungkook up of his own volition. If Junghwan was wanting to
bring it to court he clearly had a skewed perspective of the situation. Namjoon, perhaps
selfishly, needed Junghwan to understand that he had failed spectacularly and didn’t deserve
Jungkook. That he couldn’t take care of Jungkook the way he needed to be taken care of.
Namjoon didn’t doubt Junghwan’s love for Jungkook and he hoped that this love would bring
him back to reality make him realize Jungkook was not his and was never his to begin with.

“He’s not agreed to anything specifically,” Ahmed said in careful, measured words. “But I
think talking with you and realizing how much you do for Jungkook could give him the final
push he needs.”

“Okay,” Namjoon said. “Should we bring our adoption attorney? Any legal documents?”

“No, this is more of an off-the-record type of meeting. I mean, um, obviously I still have to
document that it happened for social services. But in terms of preparation, just any personal
artifacts and anecdotes that show how well Jungkook has integrated into your family and
home.”

“Alright.” Namjoon agreed. It seemed too simple and too much like a drama film. All they
needed to do to finally adopt Jungkook was have some kind of heart-to-heart where they
would - what? Show Junghwan Jungkook’s baby photos with nostalgic tears in their eyes?
Sob over the heartbreak their whole family experienced as once, twice, three times, Jungkook
was ripped away from them? Told him about Jungkook’s panic attacks, nightmares,
flashbacks and self-harm? His suicide attempt? Was that what his father needed to hear to
give up? Regardless of what the meeting would entail, Namjoon was ready to do anything to
keep Jungkook even if it meant begging on his hands and knees.

“Great, I’ll set up a time and confirm it with you.” Ahmed said.

“Okay, thank you. We really appreciate all you’re doing for Jungkook,” Jin said.

“Of course, I want to see the best outcome for all my kids,” Ahmed replied good-naturedly
before ending the call.

The both of them sat in contemplative silence for a couple minutes. They were still too
cautious to hope that this could finally be it.

---

Jungkook had already expressed that he didn’t want to be reunited with his father.
Regardless, after everything the kid still had a heart of gold and made it clear that nothing
was his father’s fault and he just felt more comfortable and safe at their house.

“He’s not going to get in trouble or anything right?” Jungkook had asked nearly a dozen
times in the days leading up to Namjoon and Jin’s meeting with Junghwan.

“No, it would just mean he can’t get custody over you,” they assured.

“I do want to talk to him some time. Just, um, not now. I’m sorry.” Jungkook said.

“It’s okay, you don’t have anything to apologize for. You just focus on yourself.”

“Can you tell him I don’t, uh, like, blame him for anything? It wasn’t his fault,” Jungkook
repeated.

“We’ll tell him Kookie.”

Jungkook followed them to the front door and never really looked convinced.

“We’ll be back in a couple hours,” Namjoon said as he walked to the car, Jungkook clutching
anxiously onto the doorframe and gnawing his bottom lip. Hoseok appeared behind him and
coaxed him back inside.

Namjoon shot him a grateful smile before climbing into the car.

They were bringing some family photos, cropped and printed, so the rest of their children
weren’t identifiable, just to be safe. The thought of having to share these moments with
Junghwan as a way to beg for Jungkook made Namjoon feel dirty for some reason. He
supposed it was better than having to bring them to a family court.

They met Ahmed in the reception area of social services. Apparently Junghwan was already
waiting in the meeting room and Namjoon grimaced, feeling like he’d lost at some game by
not arriving first. When they entered the room, Ahmed took a seat at the head of the table
where he was going to mediate and play peace maker. Junghwan stood up to shake their
hands. He looked tired and there was a few days stubble on his face but other than that he
looked relatively clean cut.

“Hello, it’s been awhile,” Jin said pleasantly.

“Yes, have you been well? How’s Jungkook?” Junghwan asked.

“Well, this situation has been hard on all of us but everyone’s managing. Jungkook is making
progress,” Jin said cryptically.

Namjoon fought to not frown. They weren’t here to be humble, they were here to prove that
they deserved Jungkook and Junghwan didn’t. Namjoon took a fortifying breath and
smoothed out his facial features.

“And how are you? I heard you separated from your wife, I’m sorry to hear that.” Namjoon
said, adopting Jin’s polite tone.

Junghwan’s face twitched. “Yes, well, her and her family showed their true colors.”

The tension in the room could be cut with a knife.

Ahmed cleared his throat. “Alright, so, Junghwan you were the one who requested this
meeting. Did you have any questions we could answer for you?”

Ahmed’s prompting was all Junghwan needed to throw a barrage of questions at them.
Junghwan’s tone remained civil the entire time and most of the questions were reasonable
enough but Namjoon felt like he was being interrogated and a couple of the questions
bordered on being gaslighting. Moreover, Junghwan’s main claim to Jungkook seemed to be
that he was a blood-relative and after hearing him make this point, albeit phrased slightly
different several times in the span of a few minutes, Namjoon cut in.

“There’s not just one way to be a family,” Namjoon said, forcing his voice to be calm
although he could feel his anger boiling to the surface. “Before we knew what was going on
didn’t you have some sort of bond with Jonathon and Kevin after living with them for years
even though they weren’t related to you?”

“Don't say their names! I want absolutely nothing to do with them or my ex-wife. They were
monsters!”

Namjoon clenched his fists that he kept hidden under the table. He’d made a mistake and
now Jungkook’s father was even more skeptical of him. However, it was only increasingly
difficult for Namjoon to keep his own temper under control. “I understand but that’s not my
point-

“Jungkook is my son, not yours.”

“Then where were you for the first eleven years of his life?” Jin cut in softly and unlike
Namjoon his voice held no judgement or poorly concealed frustration. “Do you know the
names of his friends? What he wants to be when he grows up? His favorite movie or video
game?”

Junghwan faltered. “I can learn.”

“He lived with you for nine months and you didn’t learn it then.” Jin continued. “I understand
you were busy but I fear that you will only be more busy with work without the income from
your spouse. Jungkook went through something incredibly traumatic and he needs near
constant supervision.” Jin’s eyes grew wistful, “We’ve had Jungkook since he was an infant.
We took care of him while he went through drug withdrawal. We saw his first steps. Heard
his first words. We taught him to read and ride a bike. Do you know how close he is with our
other children? They’re brothers. We’ve adopted them all except Jungkook and I know it’s
been hard on him to watch that and feel left behind.”

“I-

Junghwan began before clamping his mouth shut, his eyes swimming with emotion.

“I know you love him Junghwan and we do too. That’s why we’re fighting for him. If we
thought it was best he go live with you, we’d be sad, but we would understand and let him
go. His life has never been easy even before he went to live with you. We’ve seen him go in
and out of homes for years. He needs stability and familiarity.”

“I can be that for him and I’m willing to do whatever it takes to become that.”

“But we already provide that for him. It won’t be good for his mental health to uproot him
again.”

“He’s my son,” Junghwan whispered again but it held no more defiance and was more of a
plea.

“He’s ours too. We’re not trying to take him away from you forever. If he still wants a
relationship with you, we’re more than happy to include you in our lives. One of our other
children still sees his birth-parents and grandparents regularly.”

Namjoon could sense Junghwan’s resolve faltering and thanked the heavens he married
someone as even-tempered as Jin. He stole a glance at Ahmed and saw the young social
worker looking mildly uncomfortable but trying his best to remain professional.

They talked for a while longer after that. Junghwan still had questions and they showed him
some of the photos they’d brought. They also showed him the expenses for the clinic
Jungkook went to, of course with the name of the place censored. Junghwan’s eyes bulged
out at the numbers. Ultimately, their conversation wasn’t as quite as dramatic as Namjoon
had envisioned. No one cried or shouted. Junghwan never accused them of not loving
Jungkook or not doing a good job nor did he or Jin point out Junghwan’s gaping flaws as a
parent with any malice or cruelty.

“Alright, well, I think this has been productive,” Ahmed cut in after the conversation
naturally started winding down. The social worker had only allotted an hour for the meeting
because he had other matters to attend to. “I think this is enough for today. Perhaps we can
schedule another one soon if you feel more things need to be discussed.”

Junghwan was silent for a long moment and Namjoon hoped he would sign away his parental
rights right there and then.

“I’ll be in contact,” Junghwan said instead. “I appreciate you taking the time to meet with
me.”

“Of course. Likewise,” Jin replied.

---

Not even a week after the meeting with Junghwan, Ahmed called them. He cut straight to the
point.

“Junghwan signed the form terminating his parental rights.”

Jin couldn’t believe his ears and he held the phone, frozen with shock. Namjoon looked just
as bewildered.

“Hello?” Ahmed’s voice filtered through.

“You mean…its official? He really did it?” Jin croaked.

He really did it,” the social worker confirmed. “You can submit your adoption petition to the
court whenever its ready.”

“Whenever its ready? It’s been ready for Jungkook’s whole life!” Namjoon exclaimed.

Ahmed chuckled. “Well, I’d like to have a meeting within the next week or so with Jungkook
to discuss everything with him but I expect the adoption process to be smooth sailing from
here on out.”

“Of course, of course. Thank you,” Jin said, his voice getting choked up as reality slowly
dawned on him. They could finally, finally adopt their son. No more having him shuttled
back and forth between relatives. No more endless social services visits or home checkups.
No more fear and uncertainty. Jungkook was going to be theirs and it was going to be
recognized by the law.

“You’re the one that’s done most of the work,” Ahmed replied. “Send me an email or text to
let me know when a good time to meet with Jungkook is.”

“Sure,” Namjoon wheezed, also slowly getting overwhelmed by emotion.

The call ended and they stared at each other in shocked silence before their bodies crashed
together in a desperate hug.

“It’s happening Namjoon, it’s finally happening.” Jin whispered.

Namjoon sniffled and pulled back only to surge forward again and violently connect their lips
together. Jin melted into the kiss, one that was more passionate and desperate than they’d
shared in a long time. Eventually they broke apart, both flushed and out of breath.

“We have to tell Jungkook,” Jin panted.

“Let’s calm down first, he’ll get upset if we aren’t calm even if it’s good news.”

Jin paced the bedroom anxiously and took deep breaths trying to school himself into the
stable and loving parental figure he needed to present to Jungkook.

“You look like you’re hyping yourself up to compete in a basketball tournament or

something,” Namjoon remarked, amusement sparkling in his eyes as Jin lightly slapped his
cheeks and bounced on the balls of his feet.

“Ugh, I’m nervous. I don’t know how Jungkook is going to react to the news.” Jin said.

Namjoon’s joy visibly dampened a bit at the comment. They couldn’t expect Jungkook to act
the way their previous kids had at the notion of adoption. While Jin knew Jungkook did want
to be adopted that wish was also buried under a lifetime of trauma and uncertainty. Even if
the stability adoption provided would be beneficial in the long run, there was no doubt the
novelty of it would also be confusing for him. In a time where Jungkook was already in
constant turmoil, Jin didn’t really expect for Jungkook to weep tears of joy like their other
kids - even Yoongi - had. Even on ‘good days’ Jungkook’s emotions could be volatile and
unpredictable.

After they managed to calm down and rehearse what they were going to say, they called
Jungkook down to their room. Jin sat on the side of the bed while Namjoon leaned in a faux-
casual manner against the dresser.

“Kookie we have some news for you,” Jin said, patting the space on the comforter beside him
as invitation for Jungkook to sit down. Although Jin’s tone and expression was light,
Jungkook’s already uncertain and nervous features grew fearful and he lingered near the door,
remaining on his feet. Sure, they could’ve clarified it was ‘good news’ but they wanted to
keep it neutral so he didn’t feel like he needed to react a certain way. “You know how we met
with your father and Ahmed last week?” Jin continued quickly.

Jungkook nodded and bit his chapped bottom lip anxiously.

“Well Ahmed just called us to let us know that your father terminated his rights. That means
he can’t pursue custody of you and now Joon and I can file your adoption paperwork.”

Jungkook’s eyes bulged out of his head and he stared at them, unblinking, in silence and his
posture rigid.

“Kookie?” Jin prompted gently.

Jungkook seemed to come back to himself and blinked owlishly a few times. “H-he did?”
“Yes, Kookie,” Namjoon said, shifting off of the dresser to stand up straighter. “So Jin and I
are going to submit the adoption paperwork to the court tomorrow. It will take a few weeks to
be processed and have a date set for the hearing though.”

“Do you…do you, um, know if the courts will accept it?” Jungkook asked.

“We can’t say for certain but this is the same thing we did for all of your brothers. They have
no reason to say no. The court hearing is more of a formality than anything.”

“What’s going to happen to my dad?”

“Nothing’s going to happen to him,” Namjoon said carefully. “It’s actually probably easier
for him that he terminated his rights of his own volition rather than bringing it to court. He’s
not in trouble with the police or social services or anything.”

“Is he going to stay in the city?” Jungkook pressed.

“We don’t know what his plans are Kookie,” Jin said gently. He could see thoughts running a
million miles a minute in Jungkook’s vulnerable eyes.

“C-can I see him one last time though? Before you, um, a-adopt me?” Jungkook stuttered
over the word like it was foreign.

“We can call Ahmed and ask him about arranging something.” Namjoon assured. “You know
Jungkook, even when we adopt you it’s not like you’re not allowed to see him ever again. If
that’s something you still want-

“I just want to talk to him before.” Jungkook said hurriedly, not meeting their gazes. “Is that
everything?”

“We also want to let you know that it’s okay to have mixed feelings about this and be scared.
We know that-

“It’s fine,” Jungkook said, already backing up.

“Jungkook-

But Jungkook was already leaving their room.

Namjoon hurried after him and laid a hand on his shoulder. Jungkook flinched and whirled
around.

“Hey, Kook, I didn’t mean to startle you. I know it’s a lot to process. We’ll give you some
alone time but how about you leave you door open, okay?”

Jungkook blinked rapidly a few times. “O-okay.”

“Thank you. We love you Jungkook.”

“Okay,” Jungkook said again before turning around and continuing his stiff, robotic march to
his and Hoseok’s room.

Jin closed his eyes and let out a long, slow exhale. He’d tried to prepare himself for such a
strange reaction from Jungkook but it still hurt.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Namjoon said gently. “He just needs some time to himself.”

Jin swallowed thickly and nodded. “I know.”

“It’s good news. We can adopt him,” Namjoon reminded.

“Yeah,” Jin said but in some ways the victory was starting to feel hollow. He just wanted
Jungkook to be okay.

“Meeting with his father could be good for him. Maybe Jungkook needs some closure.”
Namjoon continued.

“Maybe,” Jin agreed although he didn’t believe further contact with his father would be
healthy for Jungkook. He really hoped Jungkook wouldn’t want it once the adoption was
finalized. Sure, Taehyung still saw his birth parents and grandparents and even a couple of
Yoongi’s relatives had stayed in touch for the first few years but those situations were
different. Another part of Jin wondered if he didn’t want any contact between them because it
actually was Jungkook’s best interest or if Jin was just being selfish and wanted Jungkook all
to himself after years of struggle.

---

Jungkook was allowed a meeting with his father before he was officially adopted and still
under Ahmed’s jurisdiction. Which was how he came to be sitting in Ahmed’s office with his
father and social worker one afternoon a couple weeks after Jin and Joon told him they could
finally adopt him.

Jungkook had come to the sad realization that he didn’t love his father. Not really. There was
some affection or connection there but it wasn’t the same bond he felt for Jin or Namjoon or
any of his brothers. His father been gone for too long and re-entered his life too late. And
with everything that happened, Jungkook didn’t think he’d ever be able to love him. Even
though he didn’t blame his father or think he was complicit in anything that had happened,
though perhaps many of the adults in his life would disagree, the fact was his father was just
too close to the situation and Jungkook would never be able to sever the association of abuse
from him. It made Jungkook feel terrible.

“You’ll be okay, right?” Jungkook asked.

“Don’t worry about me,” his father said.

“I don’t want you to, like, start drinking again or something stupid.”

“I promise I won’t,” he replied.

Jungkook didn’t believe him. Their relationship had always been lacking a foundation of
trust. And now his father had lost everything. His house, his marriage, his son. Jungkook also
wasn’t sure if he believed his father truly loved him either. If he did, it was a type of love that
Jungkook didn’t understand. A different kind than the one Jin and Namjoon showed him. He
often wondered if his father took him back because he thought he should since he could. Like
he misinterpreted the ‘make amends’ clause in the alcoholic anonymous program or
something.

“Do you wish I’d never been born?” Jungkook blurted out.

His father’s eyes widened in surprise. “Of course not! Why would you say that? You’re one
of the best things that ever happened to me.”

Then why had he been gone so long? Why had they always been so awkward around each
other? Why couldn’t Jungkook love him like the way a son should love his father? Why
couldn’t his father do the same for him?

“I was a mistake though, wasn’t I?” Jungkook pressed.

“Jungkook, if there was a mistake, it was thinking that having a child would be the answer to
salvaging your mother and I’s relationship. But you weren’t a mistake. I’ve never thought
that. Not once. Neither did she.”

Jungkook was taken aback. “Oh,” was all he said. He’d meant mistake in the ‘unplanned
pregnancy’ sense. He’d always thought he was just a product of unprotected and probably
unsober sex. He didn’t know what to do with the new information that that might not be the
case.

They lapsed back into the awkward silence that permeated most of their interactions. Soon
Ahmed cleared his throat, signaling it was time to go.

“Okay, um, take care,” Jungkook said, pointedly ignoring the tears forming in his father’s
eyes.

“You too, Jungkook. I love you.”

Jungkook couldn’t bring himself to return the statement, not even as a lie.

“I’m sorry,” Jungkook croaked, trying his hardest not to cry.

“It’s okay Jungkook. I’m the one who’s sorry.”

He forced himself to meet his father’s eyes. They were unbearably sad but they held
something else that Jungkook hoped was acceptance but was maybe just resignation. Then he
let Ahmed bring him through the maze of office space back to Jin and Joon, the closest thing
he ever had to real parents.

On the drive home, after a few minutes of tense silence, Jungkook spoke up, “You know
that…that you’re not better than him.”
Jungkook had always felt a sense of shame surrounding his biological parents and he hated it.
Just because Jin and Joon had a nice house and two cars and wanted to adopt him didn’t
mean that his biological parents didn’t love him. It didn’t mean his biological parents were
failures just because they weren’t as put together as Jin and Joon. Right?

“I didn’t think we were,” Namjoon replied evenly.

“Liar,” Jungkook accused, feeling an unexpected wave of anger crash against his chest,
wanting to break free. He’d been feeling angry a lot lately. He wasn’t sure if it was better or
worse than being sad all the time.

“Jungkook…” Jin trailed off. “We know he loves you. But he can’t take care of you.”

Tears pricked Jungkook’s eyes. “Oh, and you can? Well thanks. You’ve done a great job.”
Jungkook spat sarcastically.

Jungkook didn’t know why he was suddenly so irrationally angry at them. This was what he
had wanted, right? To be adopted. To finally have that uncertainty that lingered over him
every second, weighing him down, be gone.

He glared out the window as tears tracked down his cheeks.

“Jungkook, it’s okay to miss him. If you still want contact with him and have him be a part of
your life, we can work something out. But you know we just want what’s best for you,
right?”

“I d-don’t miss him. I don’t even l-love him.” Jungkook admitted. Jungkook just wanted
everyone to be okay. But no one was. Least of all him and his father. He didn’t know why
this happened to them even though he knew that nothing happened for a reason anyways. But
it still wasn’t fair or right. And it made him so fucking sad and so fucking angry.

He’d heard enough bullshit about ‘breaking the cycle’ over the years. Sure, Jungkook could
make sure he never inflicted the things that had happened to him on others or turned to drugs
and alcohol but he was still going to be miserable the rest of his life. He would ‘break the
cycle’ by dying sad and alone because he would be too messed up to have his own family.
Then no one would inherit his genes that were prone to addiction and mental illness and
whatever else. It would be doing the world a favor but he couldn’t imagine a reality where he
got a happy ending.

Jungkook cried the rest of the way home, quiet sobs that he only half-tried to stifle. He was
only distantly aware of when they arrived back at the house and Jin and Joon lead him
through the front door and up the stairs. It felt like déjà vu of the time they brought him back
from the hospital, where it was the outcome he wanted but something still felt off. An awful
sickness deep in his core that wouldn’t go away no matter what he did to himself or how
many pills he took.

A glass of water and a box of tissues materialized on his nightstand. Someone’s hand held out
his medication. He snatched it, wanting nothing more to sink in to the oblivion of sleep where
there was only a small chance his problems would reappear in the form of nightmares.
 He hugged his stupid teddy bear that his mom had given him as he sobbed. Either Jin or Joon
or maybe both of them rubbed his back and gave him soft assurances. He leaned into
whoever it was, crying so hard he thought he would choke and his grip on his bear so tight
his knuckles turned white as he waited for the medication to take effect. Reality gradually
began to fracture and distort as his body slowly became lax and his eyelids drooped shut. The
world was listing to the side. He felt soft and warm and he wasn’t sure when or where he was
but it didn’t bother him so much as long as he stayed safe.

---

Jin tucked the comforter tightly around Jungkook’s passed out form with an almost
professional air, like a nurse or caretaker. Namjoon could tell by the minute shaking of his
husband’s hands that he was barely holding it together, wanting to wait until they were in
their own bedroom to cry even if Jungkook was now dead to the world. It never got easier
seeing your children in pain and the heartache Namjoon carried with him felt so heavy he
thought he might crash through the floor to the kitchen below. Namjoon had been hoping that
finally getting the opportunity to adopt Jungkook would take off some of the weight, the
anxiety, burdening them all. He didn’t know if his own psyche could handle any doubt right
now. He knew Jungkook wasn’t well and that the adoption would be a good thing. He needed
to not let Jungkook’s emotions affect him so easily.

Jin gave Jungkook’s face a few final pats with a tissue to clean up the last of the residual tears
and mucus before kissing him on his forehead. Jungkook let out a small mumble and nestled
deeper into the blankets. His husband finally looked up and cocked his head at the doorway,
an unspoken ’we should go’. Namjoon shot one last glance at Jungkook’s sleeping face. The
redness was slowly fading but without a doubt his eyes would still be puffy in the morning.
After a moment of hesitation, he stepped forward and brushed Jungkook’s cheek with his
thumb before turning and following Jin out the door.

Chapter End Notes

Plot speedrun.

Anyways, I'm excited for you to read this chapter!

 Chapter 21
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes

They’d finally enrolled Jungkook in a handful of online classes at the behest of his therapist
who implied Jungkook had too much unstructured free time. Since Jungkook had been in
advanced classes throughout middle school he only needed to take courses in history, science,
and English to enroll normally in high school in the autumn. Even without passing one of
those subjects, he could still start high school with his peers and be placed in a remedial
course for kids that were behind.

Namjoon tried to not let his worry about it show too much because the last thing he wanted
was for Jungkook to think that he was disappointed in him. It wasn’t disappointment per se, it
was just another harsh reminder of how much the trauma impacted Jungkook’s life and
ability to function.

“What if he gets too far behind? I don’t know about the quality of these online classes,”
Namjoon had mentioned to Jin shortly after they signed Jungkook up for the courses. He
winced internally at the judgement he could hear in his own voice. His own parents had held
the strict academic standards of many traditional Koreans. Namjoon tried hard to not let that
same toxicity enter his household but despite all his resentment when he had been a kid, in
retrospect, he had come to understand how important education really was. Although both
him and Jin were highly educated with graduate degrees, Jin didn’t necessarily understand or
share his fear to the same extent. Jin’s dad had also been born in America while his mom had
moved very young and assimilated to the culture - meaning that they treated education with a
lot more nonchalance and this attitude had rubbed off on Jin.

“It’s just high school,” Jin had shrugged dismissively, “He’ll have plenty of time to catch up
and he can take longer if he needs it.”

Namjoon fought to not frown. “Still, I don’t like it. It’s like he’s starting off on the wrong
foot. What if it affects his chances of going to a good college?”

“Just let him do things at his own pace,” Jin said, a hint of warning entering his tone. “If he
goes to the community college nearby or even not at all, we’ll still be proud of him.”

Sure, but then Namjoon would have to worry that much more about Jungkook if he never got
a degree under his belt. Yoongi also wasn’t planning on going to college but at least his eldest
had a concrete plan he’d been actively working towards and was going to enroll in that two-
year music production program. Even that had been a hard pill for Namjoon to swallow and
he’d had months bordering on years to become acclimated to the idea.

“Okay,” Namjoon said, letting the subject drop and decided this was something better shared
with his shiny, new therapist.

---
Besides his education, there was another pressing matter regarding Jungkook’s wellbeing
they had to deal with. Upon his from the clinic, the psychiatrist brought up Jungkook’s
weight, mentioning that it was lower than they’d like. That Jungkook was hovering in the
border between underweight and a normal BMI. She said it could just be the result of a
growth spurt, but given his lackluster eating habits maybe he should get a blood test with his
primary physician.

Both Jin and Doctor Yung knew the problem was likely a mental one, especially since his
therapist shared her notes that Jungkook recently revealed Jonathon hadn’t allowed him to eat
lunch and that the stepbrother often offered treats as a way to ‘reward’ him. It didn’t take a
medical degree to see how that could lead to some disordered eating habits. The fact that it
was worrying was the only reason Jamie had revealed the information – her and Jungkook’s
sessions were kept private as long as she believed that what he said wasn’t something that
would put himself or others in danger or something the police should know for their
investigation.

Anyways, Jin had noticed Jungkook’s strange behavior surrounding food months ago but
now it seemed like it was starting to become a bigger problem. He was putting off the
doctor’s appointment as long as possible because he knew Jungkook would react badly to it.
The last time he had been to Doctor Brooke’s office was months ago, when they had removed
his cast and taken more swabs to ensure his gonorrhea infection had cleared up after
administering antibiotics. Needless to say, Jungkook had panicked and sobbed the whole way
through the appointment.

It seemed the weeks following his release from the clinic Jungkook had been eating more
normally but after the adoption announcement and seeing his father, Jungkook’s appetite had
taken a nosedive. Doctor Yung had advised Jin to keep a watchful eye on his calorie intake
and finally make the doctor’s appointment, which was why he sat down at the kitchen table
when Jungkook came downstairs for breakfast after his brothers and Namjoon had already
left for work.

“Didn’t you eat already?” Jungkook asked as Jin took a seat across from him at the kitchen
table.

“I’m just having another coffee,” Jin said, stirring his spoon absentmindedly in the mug even
though he drank his coffee black so there was nothing to mix. He just needed something to
fiddle with.

Jungkook’s eyes narrowed as the spoon clinked against the sides of the cup. Already his
attempt to monitor Jungkook’s eating was nowhere near as casual or subtle as Jin had hoped.
He had already scheduled the doctor’s appointment with Jungkook’s primary physician for
later this week. Jin knew Jungkook would hate it and in an attempt to make it seem like a
routine checkup he scheduled Jimin and Taehyung for a physical as well. It was about time
anyways. Everyone also needed to get their bi-yearly dental exam and Jin could only imagine
how that would go for Jungkook. In some of the ‘evidence’ his assaulters had forced
Jungkook to open his mouth and –

Jin stopped that train of thought dead in its tracks.

As Jungkook continued to glare at him across the table, Jin decided to be direct about it. “By
the way, you, Jimin, and Taehyung have a doctor’s appointment this Saturday.”

Jungkook nearly dropped his spoon into the small bowl of Cheerios he’d been picking at
half-heartedly. Jin calmly removed his own from the mug of rapidly-cooling coffee.

“Wh-what? But I already see Doctor Yung,” Jungkook stammered.

“It’s just going to be a regular check-up, Kookie,” Jin said. “Doctor Yung is a psychiatrist,
you need to see Dr. Brooke too who is a pediatrician and looks after your physical health.” It
was mostly true. They could pass off a blood test to monitor his hormones as routine . With
all the issues Jungkook had been having it was a good idea to have a physical exam, no
matter how much he would detest it.

“I’m not hungry anymore.” Jungkook said abruptly, pushing his chair away from the table
with a screech. He didn’t even bother to empty his bowl and put it in the dishwasher. Instead,
he stormed back upstairs and Jin could hear the faint slam of the bedroom door. Jin let out a
sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose before getting up and tossing his own coffee down the
drain. He made a note on his phone where he kept tabs on Jungkook’s appetite to share with
his doctor.

---

Usually Namjoon took Jimin and Taehyung out for driving practice together. Kill two birds
with one stone. More recently however, he was trying to do it one-on-one because it was
probably better for their driving education but mostly as a way to talk and see how they were
coping with everything. Neither Taehyung or Jimin often had much to say outside of banter,
which Namjoon took as a good thing. Today however, Taehyung’s long, slender fingers
drummed an irregular, nervous pattern on the steering wheel that Namjoon doubted had to do
with his mediocre attempts at parallel parking between two markers Namjoon had set up in
the abandoned parking lot.

They were currently taking a short break and the car engine was off. He waited patiently as
Taehyung chewed his bottom lip and squinted as the setting sun flashed dying rays of light
through the windshield. Namjoon adjusted his sunglasses, the kind with plastic frames and
shades which curved towards your temple and that his kids made fun of him for because they
were ‘dad sunglasses’. Taehyung flipped down the windshield visor to block the light and
sighed, his bangs falling into his eyes.

“Something on your mind?” Namjoon prompted as Taehyung huffed another sigh, his brows
furrowing in the way they always did when he was upset or frustrated.

“Um, a while back Jungkook told me that…that Jonathon gave him a Nintendo Switch,”
Taehyung said.

“Okay,” Namjoon said, unsure of where the conversation was headed.

“Did his stepbrothers do that sort of thing often? Like give him presents or whatever?”
Taehyung asked. His long fingers curled around and gripped the steering wheel tightly even
though they were parked.

“Why do you want to know?” Namjoon prompted.

“I mean, it sort of reminds me of what my parents did…or what they do.”

Immediate alarm bells went off in Namjoon’s head. What did Taehyung mean? His son
noticed his obvious alarm and was quick to explain.

“Just like when they aren’t around for a while or when they forget we are going to meet and
then next time they give me something. Like a present to say sorry. I always pretend to like it
and forgive them but I don’t want their dumb apology gifts. I want them to get their lives
together.”

Although Taehyung’s voice remained steady, his eyes were rapidly filling with tears. Figuring
this was gearing up to be a long conversation, Namjoon unbuckled his seatbelt with a click
and reached over to squeeze the back of Taehyung’s neck supportively.

“Oh, honey, I'm sorry. They love you and they’re trying their best to express it in the way
they can even if…even if their best isn’t good enough,” Namjoon said carefully. Although
Taehyung had admitted to him and Jin after his adoption that they had done more for him
than his biological parents ever had, he was still sensitive to criticism of them.

“I know,” Taehyung said, scrubbing at his eyes. “But that’s not what I even wanted to talk
about. It’s so messed up that Jungkook’s stepbrothers would hurt him…like that..and then try
to buy him things. What else did they say to him? Why did Jungkook keep what they were
doing a secret? He never talks about anything. And he’s always angry these days.” Taehyung
sniffled a few more times. Namjoon fished out the tissue box from the glove compartment
and handed one over to his son who dabbed his eyes before continuing, “I thought he would
be happier now that he’s going to get adopted for sure.”

“Jungkook has a lot to process right now,” Namjoon said. “I don’t think the adoption has
sunk in yet. He’s had to live in uncertainty for so long.”

“But why wouldn’t he tell us what was going on? He had to have known that we would’ve
helped him!” Taehyung repeated.

“He was very scared. They…threatened him.” Namjoon supplied vaguely.

“And bought him weird gifts,” Taehyung added bitterly.

“Yes, they were doing a lot to ensure he didn’t tell anyone,” Namjoon concluded. He knew
they had threatened to not just kill Jungkook but their whole family. Even Jemma and Binky.
Recently Jungkook’s therapist had told them that Jonathon said something along the lines that
if him and Jin saw the evidence of his abuse they would want to do the same things to him.
Ever since that revelation there had been a faint feeling of nausea in Namjoon’s gut and he
couldn’t help but recall the times Jungkook looked at him or Jin with fear since coming back
to live with them.
Truthfully, he and Jin still didn’t know the full extent of the abuse and manipulation. While
the investigation was ongoing, they could only access what the police were willing to show
them. Namjoon didn’t have the stomach to see more than he already had. Even one second of
the abuse was too much. Namjoon also had his own concerns about what Taehyung’s
scattered fears implied; that the gifts, threats, and whatever manipulations they were naïve to
left Jungkook with some sort of Stockholm syndrome. They’d asked his therapist about it but
she said he hadn’t really revealed any of his personal feelings towards his stepbrothers.

“How are you feeling with everything?” Namjoon changed the subject. He wasn’t going to
share Jungkook’s private matters with Taehyung. While it was sweet how much Taehyung
cared about Jungkook but Namjoon wanted to know what was going on with him.

“I'm okay I guess. I’m just worried about him.”

“You’re a good brother. You and Jimin both are - I’ve noticed he’s been spending more time
with you guys lately,” Namjoon said. “I appreciate you including him.”

“That’s just because he’s pissed at Yoongi and Hoseok for the room swapping,” Taehyung
said, allowing the smallest quirk upwards of his lips.

“Maybe we spoiled him a little too much because he’s the youngest but it’s good for him to
learn to share,” Namjoon amended. Taehyung nodded and didn’t respond. He had shared all
he was willing to for the time being. “Are you up for trying to parallel park a couple more
times? You’re still too far away from the curb.”

Taehyung let out a dramatic sigh but re-buckled his seatbelt and turned the key in the ignition
slot. The engine grumbled to life.

“Stop doing that! You’re almost as bad as dad!” Taehyung snapped at him suddenly.

“What do you mean?” Namjoon asked, wide-eyed.

“You always grip the side of the door like I'm about to drive us off a cliff. I haven’t even
taken it out of park. The e-break is even still on.”

Namjoon forced his hand to relax its tight grip around the handle that he hadn’t even
registered. “Alright, alright, I’m calm.”

Taehyung snorted in disbelief but released the emergency break and slid the gear into drive
and drove forward to attempt to park again.

---

After talking with Taehyung, Namjoon worried that Jungkook’s trauma was dredging up old
wounds in their other kids. It was something he and Jin already had concerns about but now it
seemed to be coming true. They decided to set aside time to have one-on-one or one-on-two
check-ins with all of their kids. The likelihood that they were preventing their home from
being a safe-space for their other children because of all of Jungkook’s needs was terrifying.
The conversation with Taehyung had been in a more casual setting and initiated by Taehyung
himself but he tended to be more introspective and transparent with his emotions than Jimin,
Hoseok, or Yoongi. Namjoon doubted their other sons would open up so easily without them
prying at least a little. This was why one evening when the rest of their kids were busy doing
school work, they called Jimin down to their room.

“Am I in trouble?” Jimin asked nervously after he took a seat at the foot of their bed, while
Namjoon and Jin sat on the loveseat that was next to Binky’s dog bed in the corner.

“No, no, of course not. You’ve been doing great in your classes and working really hard with
the dance team. We’re proud of you,” Jin assured, absentmindedly petting Binky with his
foot.

Jimin glowed under their praise even though they were generally forthcoming with it.

Namjoon decided to cut to the chase since Jimin too had homework to finish up that night, “I
know we’ve mentioned this before but it would make sense if Jungkook’s situation is
bringing up bad memories for you. It’s fine if this is something you would rather tell your
therapist about but we just want to be aware if something is wrong and if there is anything we
can do to alleviate it.”

“I don’t even remember living with my bio-parents,” Jimin rebutted, his face pinched.

“That doesn’t mean it still doesn’t affect you. And if you don’t feel like your therapy is
helping you need to tell us. We can make another appointment with the psychiatrist or try to
see if a different therapist would be a better fit.”

“It’s fine…my therapist is good, I guess,” Jimin mumbled, tracing the stitching pattern on the
comforter with his index finger. Despite how open they tried to be about mental health, Jimin
was always reluctant and embarrassed to discuss it. “But you’re finally adopting Jungkook,
isn’t that going to help him?”

“We sure hope so but we can’t treat it as a magical cure for all he’s been through,” Jin said.

“But he’s at least happy about it right? He doesn’t seem that happy…” Jimin trailed off
uncertainly.

“Let’s not pressure him to feel one way or the other about it. Just keep showing him love like
you’ve been doing. You’ve been really good with him and I know that must take a lot of
patience because he’s not been himself lately.”

“Okay,” Jimin perked up again at the compliment.

---

Jin practically cornered Hoseok once he walked in back from a shift at Starbucks and dragged
him into their room. While friendly and chatty, getting Hoseok to actually share his emotions
could be like pulling teeth.

“Hey, I just wanted to check-in with you and see how things are going.”
“Well, it’s definitely harder than I thought,” Hoseok sighed. “I never had any idea how many
buttons and options there were on cash registers. I haven’t memorized everything yet and the
customers get annoyed so quickly when you take more than one second. I actually think
making the drinks is easier. Some customers are just so stupid.”

Jin took it as a good sign that Hoseok hadn’t burst into a rant about Jungkook which was
what he had been semi-expecting. Hoseok continued to grumble, “Did you know that a
customer argued with my co-worker Sabrina today about whether or not the strawberry
lemonade had caffeine in it. And who even orders that when the weather is this cold? All my
co-workers are super chill though. Even the managers.”

Hoseok sighed and pulled a coffee bean out of his front pocket and popped it in his mouth.

“Should you be eating that? How long has that been in there?” Jin asked, skeptical.

“They entice you with free drinks on your shift but neglect to mention the fact you don’t
actually have time to make or drink them. So coffee beans it is,” his son said dramatically
draping himself across their bed’s comforter.

“Uh, okay.” Jin said, trying not to wince at the food and drink stains on Hoseok shirt that
were likely going to rub off on their bedding. “I’m glad to hear your work is going well
enough. How is your room situation with Jungkook?”

Hoseok propped himself up on his elbows to look at Jin and now his face expression was
stony. Hoseok broke eye contact as he rolled over onto his back and fiddled with a button on
his black button-down shirt, “I mean I guess he’s been okay this last week or so. But I feel
like he’s just going to get angry again soon and I don’t know why. It’s like he get sets off by
nothing. And then whether I argue back or try to calm him down he just gets angrier. I, uh,
talked to Yoongi and he said he wouldn’t mind sharing with me again.”

“That bad, huh?” Jin commented.

“Well, like I said, he’s been okay this week,” Hoseok reiterated.

Hobi wasn’t one to hold grudges and it warmed Jin’s heart to see how reluctant he was to say
anything bad about Jungkook even though annoyance towards their youngest would be well-
justified with how snappish Jungkook had been lately. This patience and compassion was
why they had Hoseok be his roommate in the first place. Still, when Jungkook was in one of
his moods, even happy-go-lucky Hoseok grew short-tempered. He and Namjoon had had to
break up more than one argument between them in the past month and a half and a few times
it had looked like it was about to become physical.

“I’m worried about his anger too,” Jin admitted. “It’s something we’ve brought up with his
doctor but we just don’t know yet. If Yoongi doesn’t mind switching again that’s fine but I’m
worried when he starts his music program in the fall that he’ll need his own space to do the
work.”

Jin hoped that Jungkook was out of the water in terms of self-harm – or as much as he could
ever be at least. There hadn’t been any more cuts on his arms. Of course, he could very well
be cutting in other places but Jin certainly wasn’t going to routinely force Jungkook to take
off his clothes so he could search every inch of his skin. At his recent checkup, his doctor
hadn’t noticed anything either so Jungkook’s self-harm recovery was going as well as they
could hope. It could also be beneficial for Jungkook to have his own space again, maybe it
would help temper his anger. After all, Jungkook had had his privacy and boundaries violated
constantly when living with Junghwan and Jin suspected that being forced to share a
bedroom brought up some of that. It still didn’t solve the problem of Yoongi needing - and
frankly deserving - his own room though.

Hoseok craned his neck to look at Jin from where he still lay sprawled on his back on the
comforter. “And, uh, Yoongi’s been talking about moving out in the fall to live with one of
his co-workers and his roommate.”

“Oh has he now?” Jin asked, cocking an eyebrow. This was the first time he was hearing of
this. There was no way Yoongi could afford to live on his own with his part-time job but they
had been planning to support him if he had moved away to college anyways. He supposed
there was another conversation to be had.

---

The both of them pulled Yoongi aside one day after dinner as the rest of their kids filtered
upstairs.

“Hobi mentioned you’re considering moving out? Why haven’t we heard of this?” Namjoon
crossed his arms.

“Uh,” Yoongi said, pressing himself back against the cushions of the living room armchair. “I
don’t know, nothing’s set in stone yet it was just something we talked about.”

“We’re not mad,” Namjoon clarified. “In fact, I think it could be good for you. We just want
to know what prompted this decision.”

“I know I said I wanted to stay here for Jungkook-

“And we said he isn’t your responsibility,” Namjoon interrupted.

Yoongi picked at the frayed thread on the edge of the chair’s armrest where Jemma had
clawed it to shreds despite their attempts to train her out of the destructive habit. “I thought I
could help Jungkook but he’s made it clear he’s not going to talk to any of us about what
happened. So there’s no point in staying and stealing his room too.”

“You’re not stealing it,” Jin countered, “We agreed upon this decision. Listen, we understand
if getting your own space is what you need for your own mental health right now.”

“I can handle my own issues. And Jungkook needs the room more than I do. And if I move
out, then Hobi would also finally have his own space,” Yoongi said. “Besides I’m not moving
away, I’m just moving out. One of my co-worker’s roommates is leaving in September and
it’s closer to my work and not too expensive.”
Namjoon cocked an eyebrow. “That sounds a lot more planned out than just a passing
discussion with your coworker.”

Yoongi’s ears turned the faintest shade of pink. “I didn’t want you to get all upset about it,”
he said, gesturing at Jin.

“We aren’t upset,” Namjoon repeated but then shot a glance at Jin and to his horror noted
how tearful his husband’s eyes were. “Okay well at least I’m not upset.”

“You’re g-growing up so fast,” Jin choked out, not even trying to hide his emotions anymore.

“Jesus Christ,” said Yoongi. “This won’t even happen until over half a year from now, if the
plan doesn’t fall through.”

Namjoon shifted closer so he could rub Jin’s back as he addressed his son, “If this is what
you really want, we’ll support you and help you financially too. There’s no way you’ll be
able to afford everything on your own only working part time. But still, you’re showing how
far you’ve come in a lot of ways besides just deciding to move out,” Namjoon said.

Yoongi’s face heated up further and despite his façade of nonchalance, Namjoon knew he
was pleased at the comment.

---

Jungkook tossed and turned, unable to sleep. He’d easily be awake until 2 or 3 a.m. Then, on
weekday, he would be forced to wake up no later than 9 a.m. since Jin was trying to ‘keep
him on a schedule’ now that he started doing school again. It was just online classes though
and took a fraction of the time and effort in-person ones did.

Maybe he would be able to sleep if his stupid medication worked better. Jungkook knew
Hoseok would never hurt him. He knew that. But sometimes when he’d awake in the middle
of the night, straddling the border between sleep and wakefulness he would register his
brother’s breathing but not that it was Hoseok himself. And it freaked him out, someone in
his room at night while he was in bed, unconscious.

That wasn’t the only thing – Jungkook was afraid of all his emotions at the moment. They
swept him up seemingly randomly and without warning. His vision would go red and he
could hear himself screaming obscenities as if he was floating above his body, watching it all
happen in third person. It was scary. Terrifying.

What if it made Jin and Joon not want to adopt him anymore? Jungkook curled into a tight
ball and pulled the blankets up to his chin. A few tears leaked into his pillow but he forced
himself to not make a sound so as not to wake up Hoseok. Part of him wanted to go
downstairs right now and crawl into Jin and Joon’s bed like he did when he was little and had
a nightmare. What if? Jungkook grabbed his phone off the nightstand and winced at the
brightness as he unlocked it.

1:30 a.m.
 They’d be asleep. Jungkook blinked blearily and set his phone back down. He tensed
involuntarily as he heard the creak of Hoseok’s bed as his brother shifted in his sleep.
Jungkook stared at the wall until his eyelids began to droop, hours later.

---

Hoseok squashed his face further into his pillow with a discontented grunt as his alarm
blared. He fumbled to find his phone on the nightstand to turn it off. With a sigh, he sat up
and shot a glance at Jungkook. The younger shifted in his sleep but didn’t wake and Hoseok
didn’t envy how his little brother got to sleep in every day. Hoseok wasn't so fortunate and
now with his part-time job at Starbucks he got to wake up early on weekends too. Lucky him!
He had to admit that the workload of his part time job was still less than the commitment of
the dance team. Even though it went year-round, Hoseok decided to take this spring semester
off so he could better prepare for his SAT’s and send out college applications. He could join
the team again next fall during his senior year but then he’d probably have to quit Starbucks.
Even if Hoseok could do without the morning shift on Saturday, he liked working there and
he liked the money he earned even more. And working at Starbucks upped his cool factor by
like 200% at school where he was already fairly well-liked by his classmates.

Deciding he’d wallowed in bed enough, Hoseok forced himself to stand up and stretch. Pops
crackled satisfyingly along his spine as he twisted to the left, then right. As he tip toed out the
door he spared another glance at his brother’s sleeping form. Jungkook’s foot was peeking
out from under the blankets. The room was cold in the mornings and Hoseok backtracked to
cover it with the comforter when he noticed a mark on the bottom of Jungkook’s foot, near
his toes. He squinted in the weak light filtering from the window and the hallway to get a
better look. It was a small, perfectly round scar. With a clammy realization that it was
probably from a cigarette, Hoseok quickly pulled the blanket over Jungkook’s foot. Jungkook
mumbled something in his sleep but didn’t wake up.

Hoseok took a few deep breaths and crept out of the bedroom to the bathroom down the hall
where he took note of his watery eyes. He clenched his jaw and turned on the tap, splashing
cold water on his face. Jungkook had been a pain in his ass lately but he couldn’t imagine
doing something like burning him. He was just a kid.

Wandering back to the hallway, in the 6 a.m. quiet of the Saturday morning Hoseok could
hear the faint clatter of dishes and bubbling of the coffee machine from the kitchen below. Jin
was already awake. Just the presence of his dad downstairs help alleviate some of his worry.
His dads always knew what to do. They knew exactly what Jungkook had been through and
what they needed to do to help him. Plus, sooner rather than later Jungkook would be
officially adopted. Things could only get better from there, right?

Chapter End Notes

I managed to update and I will post again once more next week before going on break to
study for exams for real!
 Chapter 22
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes

Jin’s chest swelled with pride at seeing all of his children in their suits. They looked so grown
up and handsome.

“Is Jungkook almost ready?” he asked no one in particular, glancing at his watch.

Not getting an answer, he sighed and headed upstairs, gingerly side stepping Jemma to avoid
getting any hairs on his black slacks. “Jungkook?” he called, knocking twice on his and
Hoseok’s bedroom door. He definitely didn’t want to walk in on Jungkook if he was still
getting dressed. Jungkook appeared behind him instead, emerging from the bathroom.

“Oh! There you are. Are you almost ready?”

Then Jin got glimpse of Jungkook’s tearstained face. His heart sank. Uh oh.

“Kookie what’s wrong? Are you feeling okay?”

Jungkook blinked rapidly a few times, fresh tears already swimming in his eyes. “What if
they say no?” he asked in a hoarse voice.

“Why would they say no?”

“What if they think I should go back to my dad or someone or they think you have too many
children or…or..”

“That’s not going to happen, sweetheart. It’s normal to be nervous. We can rehearse again on
the way there of what you say to the judge. Remember, the paperwork has already been done
- the hearing is just a formality so the judge can sign off on it.”

Jungkook sniffled a few more times but allowed himself to be herded downstairs and out to
the waiting car where the rest of their family had already piled in. Nobody commented on
Jungkook’s tearstained face but Taehyung slung a supportive arm around his shoulders once
Jungkook clipped on his seatbelt.

Glancing in the rearview mirror every now and then, Jin could see that Jungkook remained
anxious but he was no longer crying and the redness in his eyes was slowly fading. Jin was
expecting it to be an emotional day – before, during, and after the hearing – but he hoped the
‘after’ part would be filled with relief and joy for his youngest. It certainly would be for him.
Jungkook was finally, finally going to be theirs.

---

Jungkook’s heart started hammering all over again when they parked outside the fancy-
looking courthouse. He’d been here several times before his brothers’ adoptions. Those times
he had felt excitement tinged with jealousy. Now he just felt sick. The slam of the car’s doors
as they filed out of the vehicle caused dread to pulse from the core of his being to his
fingertips. He felt claustrophobic in his suit when they began to walk towards the building,
almost positive his shirt collar was going to strangle him.

He was briefly distracted from his growing trepidation as he caught sight of a couple familiar
figures loitering out front of the court’s doors.

“Audrey!” Jungkook exclaimed happily, rushing over and enveloping his former social
worker in a hug.

“Hi Jungkook, it’s good to see you,” Audrey said, returning his embrace. Jungkook hadn’t
seen her in months and no one really talked about her. He’d managed to pester Ahmed into
giving him a few small updates here and there. He knew she was still working at social
services, just no longer in charge of him. It had hurt him more than he would admit to anyone
except his therapist that she’d pawned him off to another caseworker whether it was by her
own choice or not. Even though Jungkook liked Ahmed as far as social services employees
went, nobody really seemed to understand that Audrey had been the one constant in his life
for thirteen years.

Jungkook took a step back. “I missed you,” he admitted shyly.

“I missed you too. I hope Ahmed has been treating you well. And look at you now, in half an
hour you won’t need either of us anymore,” she joked.

“I guess,” Jungkook mumbled. “I didn’t know you were coming today.”

“I wanted it to be a surprise, I wouldn’t miss this for anything,” she said warmly.

Jungkook felt his cheeks heat up and he turned to Ahmed. There was a woman next to him
with a pretty yellow hijab that matched the color of the sunflowers patterned on her blouse.

“This is my wife Amira,” Ahmed introduced. Her smile was as cheerful as the flowers on her
shirt and Jungkook couldn’t help but feel a bit more optimistic that the judge wouldn’t deny
his case.

“Nice to meet you,” Jungkook said politely.

“I’ve heard a lot about you, Jungkook,” Amira said.

“Good things I hope?” Namjoon joked.

“Only the best of things. He won’t admit it but you were his favorite.”

Jungkook blushed again. He mulled over the word ‘were’. Past tense. Of course he wanted to
be adopted but monthly or sometimes even bi-weekly visits to the social services office was
all he had ever known. It was so routine it was almost like his personal way of measuring
time. Would he simply never see Ahmed or Audrey again after today? Was he just going to
become a ‘job well done’ to them and they would put him out of their minds?
He wasn’t going to ask and he turned back to Jin and Namjoon. Namjoon glanced at his
watch. “Shall we head inside?”

Their party made their way through courthouse security before waiting in the hallway outside
their designated courtroom where their adoption attorney was already waiting.

“We still have ten minutes before our timeslot,” Jin said.

There was a clock on the wall so Jungkook knew he was saying that for his benefit.
Unfortunately, it did nothing to quell his growing apprehension. Taehyung tried to distract
him with a game on his phone while the adults made idle chit-chat. Everyone looked so
casual and happy and carefree despite the formal setting. It was a happy occasion. And
Jungkook would be happy after the paper was signed. He hoped. He couldn’t get over the
feeling that he was just a puzzle piece that never quite fit into their family but they kept
trying to hammer him in anyways.

“Hey Kook, just breathe okay?” Taehyung said.

“Oh, uh, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. The judge is really nice. It’ll be over before you know it.”

Jungkook felt a familiar flare of jealousy - the rest of them hadn’t ever had to actually speak
in the court for their adoption since they’d been so young. All they had to do was sit there,
but since Jungkook was over the age of twelve he’d be asked a few questions. Of course,
logically, Jungkook knew it wasn’t their fault and the questions were simple and the hearing
was fast. He’d certainly sat through enough of them before. They never took more than ten
minutes but Jungkook expected those ten minutes would feel like an eternity.

“Were you, um, were you this nervous when it was your turn?” Jungkook asked.

Taehyung smiled and slung an arm around his shoulders and flashed him a boxy smile.
Jungkook leaned into his touch. “I was terrified. I thought somehow they would say no but I
was just being silly looking back on it.”

Jungkook nodded. It gave him a little comfort and courage.

“You know I was, um, jealous of you. I…I still am. Of everyone.” Jungkook confessed. The
sudden urge to have a heart-to-heart before the most important decision of his life was almost
overwhelming.

“It’s a reasonable thing to be jealous over. I would’ve been too. But you can finally relax.
You’re gonna be stuck with us forever Jungkookie,” Taehyung said and pinched his cheek.

Jungkook’s ears heated up and he scooted away. “I’m not a baby,” he mumbled.

“Yeah you are, you’re our little itty-bitty baby brother,” Hoseok cooed from the other side of
the bench where he had clearly been listening in on the conversation.
His cheeks heated up further and Hoseok’s joyous laugh rang throughout the halls and
suddenly the courthouse seemed a lot less foreboding.

The door opened to their assigned room and a bailiff stuck his head out. “Adoption hearing
for Jungkook Jeon?”

“That’s us,” their adoption attorney replied.

Everyone stood up and Jungkook rushed to Jin’s side, his moment of peace gone and his
nerves back in full-force. Jin squeezed his shoulder comfortingly and left it there as they
made their way to the front of the courtroom. He sat at the table with Jin, Joon, and their
lawyer while his brothers, Ahmed, Audrey and Amira sat behind in the pews.

Jungkook, Jin and Namjoon had to raise their right hands and swear the oath. His hand was
trembling slightly in the air and he may have stumbled over the simple ‘I swear to tell the
truth and nothing but the truth,’ but no one pointed it out and the judge’s face was kind.

After that the judge read their case number and said some other legal jargon before asking
Namjoon to answer some questions.

The first few questions weren’t even about Jungkook and Namjoon didn’t have to go the
witness stand to answer them. He had to state his name, date of marriage and their address.
And then:

“Can you tell me the name of the child seated at the table?”

“Jeon Jungkook,” Namjoon replied calmly.

“Is it your intention to adopt this child?”

“Yes, it is.”

“Do you wish his name to be changed to Jungkook Kim?”

“Yes.”

Jungkook’s heart raced as he repeated the sound of it in his head. Jungkook Kim.

Jin was next. All he had to do was state his name and answer one question; “Did you hear
your husband’s answers?”

“Yes, loud and clear,” Jin said.

The judge smiled. “Great, no further questions.”

Then it was Jungkook’s turn. His heart was hammering and he was sweating bullets. His back
had gone rigid and his underarms were damp with perspiration.

“Can you state your name for me?”

“J-jungkook Jeon.” Jungkook Kim.

“Is it your wish to be adopted by Namjoon Kim and Seokjin Kim?”

“Y-yes.”

“Thank you. No further questions.”

He deflated only slightly and pressed himself anxiously back into Jin’s side, who wrapped an
arm around him. Namjoon’s arm also snaked over and gave the back of his neck a comforting
squeeze.

“Everything appears to be in order,” the judge said. He brandished a pen and signed the
adoption decree. The paper was presented to them by the bailiff. “Congratulations,” the judge
said.

Immediately his brothers jumped up, letting out loud celebratory whoops and Audrey,
Ahmed, and Amira applauded. Jungkook started to bawl, almost splashing a tear onto the
freshly signed document where his name was written as Jungkook Kim.

“Oh Kookie, don’t cry,” Jin said as he hugged him. They all stood up and his legs nearly
buckled as all his brothers tackled him. Eventually the chaos died down and they lined up
with the judge in front of the podium for a couple pictures, as was tradition. It took a lot
longer than it should’ve because Jungkook couldn’t seem to stop crying.

“C-can I h-have one w-w-with A-Audrey and A-Ahmed?” he sobbed.

“Of course, Kookie. How about we do it outside so you can calm down first?” Namjoon said.

Jungkook nodded blindly through his tears. The next thing he knew, he was seated outside on
a bench next to Jin while they waited for Namjoon and their lawyer to come back from where
they were collecting copies of the adoption paperwork. Yoongi took a place calmly next to
Jungkook on his other side while the rest of his brothers laughed raucously, engaged in some
form of tag on the courthouse lawn.

Jungkook blotted his face with some towels Jin had snatched from the bathroom and
shrugged out of his suit jacket. Spring was finally in full swing, thawing the earth and
causing buds to appear on trees’ barren branches. He felt a little better with the sunlight
hitting his skin.

Namjoon returned before too long and Jungkook lined up with his social workers in front of
the courthouse wall, hoping his face didn’t look too red or puffy. Jin and Namjoon snapped
pictures on all their phones.

“I’m so happy for you, Jungkook,” Audrey said when they were finished and looking at the
photo Namjoon had taken with her phone. Her eyes held their own misting of tears.

Jungkook swallowed. It was time to say goodbye.

“You take care now,” she hugged him long and hard and then she was walking away. Ahmed
came over and did the same. He and Amira exchanged a few more words with Namjoon
before they too were waving goodbye.

A hand landed on Jungkook’s back. He glanced up at Namjoon. “Come on Kookie, let’s go

home.”

---

“You take a turn grilling,” Jin complained.

Namjoon pouted before passing the ball to Yoongi and sauntering over to the grill where they
were cooking burgers.

Namjoon fumbled with the tongs that Jin had let go of too quickly in his haste, but his
husband didn’t even notice Namjoon’s struggle as he raced away to shoot some hoops with
the kids. Namjoon managed to get a grip on the utensil and rolled his eyes fondly. Jin was
always the more playful of them and even though they had to be more mature than many
other parents due to the nature of their children’s needs, Jin was truly a child at heart. It was
nice to see his silly side emerge especially with how weighed down his husband had become
in the last few months.

An outdoor barbeque was how they were celebrating Jungkook’s adoption since their
youngest was still having problems going to public places since the mall incident. At least
fortune seemed to be on their side lately – the weekend of his adoption was all sunshine and
pleasant temperatures. Winter was slowly bleeding into spring but until yesterday it had been
bitterly cold. The temperature was going to drop again slightly after Sunday so they decided
to make the most of the good weather.

Namjoon watched as the boys and Jin whooped and heckled each other, keeping one eye on
the burgers. Yoongi, Jin, and Taehyung both made impressive shots from a distance. The ball
ended up in Jimin’s grasp who threw it, where it teetered on the rim before dropping to the
side. Jimin’s face twisted into a pout. Namjoon’s eyes crinkled in amusement. Hoseok
dribbled the ball to the edge of pavement and made a valiant attempt but missed by a large
margin.

“Haha, Hobi, you suck,” Yoongi said.

Jungkook caught it before deftly tossing and making an effortless swish. His eyes widened at
his own accomplishment before he jumped up and down excitedly. “Did you see that?!”

Taehyung and Jimin let out loud cheers.

Binky had no idea what was going on but got caught up in the excitement and barked happily
and waddled over as fast as his old legs would let him to Yoongi who had taken the ball after
Jungkook’s basket. Jemma ignored everyone but was contentedly stretched out on the sun-
warmed patio.
Namjoon’s heart was full as he regarded his family, everyone happy for once. “Who wants
cheese on their burger?” Namjoon called out. There was a chorus of ‘me’s and ‘are they
almost done?’s.

“Yes, they’re almost done. Some of you start setting out the plates and condiments. We also
need another chair. Just grab one from the kitchen.”

There was a flurry of motion as the kids and Jin bustled about to get ready to eat. Even Binky
ambled over slowly to take his place under the table where he knew everyone would take
turns feeding him scraps. Namjoon placed the done burgers on a plate balancing precariously
on the side of the grill. “Someone take these and put them on the table,” he said as he shut off
the grill and nudged Jemma aside who had decided to stop sunbathing and weave annoyingly
between his legs instead.

Jungkook materialized by his side to grab the plate.

“Thank you, Kookie.”

Jungkook’s eyebrows furrowed, “Gross, a little fly got stuck in the cheese on this one.”

“Well, pick it out then,” Namjoon sighed at having his work criticized the moment he was
finished.

Jungkook’s nose scrunched adorably, “I’m gonna feed it to Jin, don’t tell him!” he cackled
before scurrying off.

“There’s enough so that everyone gets exactly four pickle slices per burger,” Jin stated
diplomatically as everyone started sitting down.

Taehyung and Jimin reached out simultaneously and ate several of the meticulously sliced
pickles. Jin’s eyes narrowed in frustration, “Hey! I mathed that out! You don’t appreciate all I
do for you!”

“Here Jinnie,” Jungkook said carefully arranging four pickle slices on the bug-burger. “I
appreciate you,” he said, passing it to Jin.

“Thank you, Kookie,” Jin mumbled.

The table was filled with lively banter as everyone constructed their burgers and Jungkook
watched with wide eyes as Jin took the first bite of his. Immediately Jungkook smiled, eyes
crinkling, before leaning over and whispering into Hoseok’s ear.

Namjoon’s heart ached with happiness at how Jungkook was finally able to feel something
than fear or sadness. Of course he wished it didn’t manifest as eagerness to feed Jin an insect,
but he’d take what he could get. He surreptitiously peeled back the bun of his own burger to
make sure it was bug-free before taking a bite. Namjoon was tempted to get lost in his hopes
and dreams for Jungkook's recovery process but instead he allowed himself to relax for once
and just enjoy the present moment filled with springtime warmth and the chatter of his
family.
Chapter End Notes

This is a good jumping off point for the next part of the story. I'll be back some time in
March with more chapters!
 Chapter 23
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
PART II
With Jungkook's adoption there was one less thing to worry about but trauma has an ugly
habit of lingering and perhaps the hardest part is yet to come; the trial against his abusers.

---
Chapter 23
“Do you think Jungkook will ever call us ‘dad’ again?” Jin asked Namjoon one night not
long after the adoption as they settled into bed.

Jungkook stopped calling them dad while he was living with his mom. It had hurt even
though they were the ones that had to explain to Jungkook that, no, they weren’t actually his
dads in the legal or biological sense, although they cared about him as much as a ‘real’ dad
would. Jungkook never really seemed to understand or, perhaps, believe the sentiment. After
all, he had been six by the time he went to go live with his mom after growing up with them.

“I hope so,” Namjoon admitted as he shifted against his pillow and the mattress creaked
quietly. “I like it when our kids call us that.”

They never requested or ordered their kids to call them ‘dad’, just whatever made them
comfortable. Out of all their children, Jungkook was the first one to refer to them as ‘dad’.
Even Jimin had taken a couple years to warm up to calling them that despite only being two,
almost three, when he came to live with them and getting adopted after his third birthday.
Hoseok had called them dad nearly immediately but he had been up for adoption when he
was five, never going through the confusing instability of the foster system. Moreover, he’d
been raised by a single mom before that so he likely felt he wasn’t ‘betraying’ anyone by
calling them dad. Similar to Jimin, Yoongi and Taehyung had taken awhile to adjust to it –
though Yoongi still called them ‘Jin’ or ‘Namjoon’ when he was annoyed with them.

Jin pulled the blanket up to his chin as he rolled to face Namjoon, smiling. “Kookie’s so
smart. Remember how he started calling me ‘dad’ and you ‘daddy’ after we got confused
who he was asking for?”

Namjoon nodded and asked back, “Remember that time at the airport when he single
handedly ended homophobia at just four years old?”

Jin practically snorted into his pillow. “How could I forget? One of my proudest moments as
a father.”

“Don’t let go of my hand Kookie,” Jin reminded as the automatic doors to the airport
opened.

Jungkook didn’t reply as his large eyes took in all the people rushing about this way and that,
reminding him of a beehive. There were an abundance of laws about taking foster kids out-of-
state so Jungkook had never been in an airport before, much less on an airplane. That
experience would still have to wait, but hopefully not for too long as they planned to have
Jungkook adopted by the end of the year.

Today though, they were here to pick up Namjoon. He’d been at some business conference for
continuing education in physical therapy where physical therapists from around the country
would discuss new techniques and whatnot. Jin had been worried about handling all their
kids for three whole days by himself but the conference was mandatory for Namjoon and in
the end his absence had gone as smoothly as it could’ve. Currently their neighbor Laura was
babysitting for him so he could drive to fetch his husband at the airport but Jungkook had
begged to come along and who was Jin to say no? The way Jungkook’s little mouth had
formed an awed ‘o’ when a plane roared overhead, taking off, had been adorable.

“Where’s daddy?” Jungkook squeaked, the four-year-old’s voice barely audible above the
bustle of the airport.

“He’s by baggage claim, it’s this way,” Jin gently tugged Jungkook’s hand, pulling him to the
left. “We have to take an escalator, can you be brave for me?”

For a four-year-old, Jungkook wasn’t scared of much but escalators had always spooked him.
He blamed Yoongi for telling him once that if he didn’t get off in time he’d be sucked under
and come out at the top ‘as flat as a pancake’.

Jungkook looked up at him with a grave expression and nodded. Jin bit back a smile.

“Okay, I’ll help you get on.”

At the top they paused to let people who were clearly in more of a rush on first. Then Jin
tugged Jungkook so he was standing next to him, side by side. “Alright let’s step onto it on
three, okay? One..two…three!”

Jungkook waddled forward dramatically onto the stair and swayed as they began to descend
but Jin easily held him steady.

“Wow! Good job Kookie, you did it!”

Jungkook puffed up proudly and beamed up at him, small teeth on full display. They rode
down and thankfully managed to get off just as smoothly.

“Where’s daddy?” Jungkook asked again, eyeing the baggage terminals curiously. “Where
are the bags going?” he asked and pointed with his free hand before Jin had a chance to
repeat the answer to the first question.

Jin glanced to the side where unclaimed bags disappeared behind rubber flaps on the
conveyor belt. “It’s just a loop, they’ll circle around again in a couple minutes,” he
explained.

“Daddy!” Jungkook suddenly shrieked as he spotted Namjoon a little ways away, easily
recognizable as he towered above a few other passengers. He managed to wrench his hand
out of Jin’s and was running through the crowd before he could stop him.

“Jungkook!” Jin shouted as he chased after him. Jungkook’s stubby legs weren’t particularly
fast but he had the advantage of being small as he weaved through people and suitcases.
Some people halted and gave his foster-child fairly annoyed glances – which come on, he
was a little kid. Others smiled in amusement – the proper reaction.

Namjoon crouched down as Jungkook neared, “Kookie!” he beamed, arms outstretched.

As Jungkook crashed into him, Namjoon scooped him up into the air.
Jungkook shrieked in delight. “Daddy!” he laughed gleefully.

“I missed you baby, I thought Jinnie was coming to get me!” Namjoon exclaimed in mock
surprise.

“I drived here!” Jungkook claimed.

“Ha ha,” Jin said flatly as he approached, still trying to recover from his momentary panic at
Jungkook racing through the airport without him.

Namjoon smiled at him and, still holding Jungkook, leaned over and planted a kiss on his
lips. “I missed you.”

Jin smiled. “I missed you too. Not as much as this one though,” he said and reached over to
pinch Jungkook’s cheek. Jungkook wasn’t looking at him, however.

“Dad that man over there looks mean.”

Jin followed Jungkook’s gaze to where an older gentleman in a suit who was waiting for his
baggage was looking at them with disapproval. Once he noticed Jin had caught him staring
he quickly diverted his gaze.

“Don’t worry about him Kookie.”

Jungkook stared at Jin with a serious expression. “Is he mad because you have hair on your
face?”

“What?”

“Daddy doesn’t like it when you have it,” Jungkook explained with a gesture of his hand
miming a beard and a hint of impatience as if Jin wasn’t following his train of thought on
purpose.

Namjoon snorted loudly as he choked on a laugh.

Jin was about to burst into laughter as well until he noticed the man in the suit had fetched
his suitcase and was only a few feet away, having to weave by them on his way out of the
baggage claim. A woman pushing a trolley loaded with duffel bags came to an abrupt halt to
their left, preventing the man from making an easy escape. His gaze flicked to them again and
Jin tensed. He was about to suggest he and Namjoon shuffle awkwardly away when Jungkook
burst out loudly and cheerfully to the stranger, “Hello!” He smiled so hard his little nose
crinkled and his eyes were barely visible as his chubby cheeks ballooned upwards.

Something softened slightly in the man’s face. “Hello young man,” he replied. He gave a
tense but polite smile towards Namjoon and Jin before slipping through a narrow gap that
had opened up between them and the woman with the trolley.

“He was so stinkin’ cute,” Jin mumbled sleepily, a fond smile ghosting his lips. “He still is.”
Soft memories lulled him to sleep.

---

It was embarrassing and an honest mistake. It wasn’t supposed to happen. For whatever
reason Jungkook had decided to use Hoseok’s laptop instead of his own, where Hoseok had
forgotten to close the browser he had last opened. If it had been Yoongi who had opened it,
his brother probably would’ve laughed it off and teased him. In fact, Yoongi had been the one
to install a malware detector and an adblocker for him, after his computer caught a virus. His
older brother had chided him on the sort of sites he must be using to get one in the first place.
Yes, if it had been Yoongi or even Taehyung or Jimin it would’ve been embarrassing - but
with Jungkook it was fucking terrifying and equivalent to setting a bomb to detonate.

Hoseok was walking through the doorframe into their shared bedroom where he heard a gasp
and caught the tail-end movement of Jungkook slamming down his laptop shut.

Initially perplexed – he wouldn’t mind that much if Jungkook was using his computer
although it would be odd - Hoseok shouted, “Hey! Be careful, you could break it!” He strode
over, brushing past Jungkook to carefully open the computer again to make sure he hadn’t
done any damage. And then it clicked. The porn video he had been watching earlier was front
and center.

Hoseok snapped the laptop shut again, just as hard as Jungkook had done, if not more so. For
good measure he shoved it to the opposite side of the bed and whirled around to face his little
brother.

“Hey, Kook I’m sorry-

He froze as he took in the frightened, deer-in-the-headlights expression on Jungkook’s face

and his sharp, shallow breaths. There was something else there too pulsing in his dark eyes –
betrayal? Disgust? His brother started trembling from head to toe.

“Why would you watch something like that?” Jungkook squeaked, his voice shrill and
strained.

“Jungkook, I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean for you to see it,” Hoseok pleaded.

Jungkook opened his mouth again but no words came out. Instead, Jungkook slowly sank to
the floor as his breaths became harsher. He crouched on the carpet and moved his hands to
cover his ears like he was waiting for a grenade to go off – the grenade which Hoseok might
as well had pulled the pin and tossed in his direction.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Jungkook’s meltdowns these days tended to be loud and violent.

“I’m getting dad,” Hoseok announced before bounding away from the curled figure on the
floor.
“Dad! Help!” Hoseok shouted before he was even halfway down the stairs. There was a
muffled sound of confusion from the kitchen.

By the time Hoseok reached the bottom of the staircase, Jin was already rounding the corner,
bare feet pounding on the hardwood. “Hobi? What’s wrong?” Jin’s eyes were focused and
worried but battle-ready.

Hoseok wheeled around on his heel so sharply that it would’ve impressed even his dance
teacher to race back up the stairs with Jin hot on his trail. They took the stairs two at a time.
“It’s Jungkook, I’m sorry! He’s freaking out, I didn’t mean to!”

Jin tore past him as he sprinted down the hallway, their shared bedroom being the last one at
the end. Hoseok skidded to a stop a few paces away, unsure if he should go in or not.
Ultimately he decided to linger awkwardly near the threshold and craned his neck to see what
was happening around the ajar door.

“Hey Kookie, it’s okay. I’m here. Let’s breathe together, alright?” Jin crooned as he crouched
in front of Jungkook.

Muffled sounds of distress came from Jungkook. Hoseok felt his heart sink lower and lower
as guilt, embarrassment and shame shoved it away to make room for themselves in his chest.
Even worse, his own tears started to burn and well up but he clenched his jaw, his facial
muscles all tightening to dam them up behind his eyes where they belonged.

Thankfully, in the end, Jin managed to coach Jungkook down from his budding panic attack
and a larger meltdown was avoided. His little brother even managed to choke out in a few
disjointed sentences what had happened which was how Hoseok found himself standing trial
in front of his dads in their bedroom not much later. He sat on their loveseat, wringing his
hands anxiously. They were clearly upset and were backlit by the ceiling lamp behind them
which cast faint shadows over their expressions and made them seem all that more angry.
Hoseok felt like a mouse cornered by two hawks. Even though he knew his dads would never
hurt him, Hoseok wasn’t used to being the one in this position. He didn’t get in trouble. He
was the good kid. He was well-behaved and responsible and not messed up in the head like
his siblings.

“I thought you knew better than this, Hobi,” Jin began. His voice was soft but laced with
disappointment.

Hoseok felt himself wilt further.

“We get you’re a teenager. But pornography, really? Jungkook’s issues aside, you are way too
young to be watching anything like that! That sort of content is harmful and misguided and
not a reflection of reality!” Namjoon scolded. His voice was definitely not as soft as Jin’s had
been and his tears were building up again, this time too fast for him to be able to contain or
blink away. It had been ages since his parents had yelled at him.

“I’m sorry,” he said weakly, wiping his cheek but more tears tumbled down before he had a
chance to mop up the old ones.
His sorry state inspired no pity in Namjoon as his father continued angrily, “You can’t be
watching that stuff and especially not near someone like Jungkook!”

“I wasn’t! I just forgot to..c-close it and he was using my computer without a-asking,”
Hoseok tried to defend himself.

“It doesn’t matter! You shouldn’t be watching that stuff, period!” Namjoon roared.

“S-sorry,” Hoseok choked around a small but audible sob again. He scrubbed at his face in
frustration and embarrassment as still more tears managed to squeeze past his eyelids. He
heard his parents shifting in front of them and a frustrated sigh but couldn’t bring himself to
look up at them.

“We’re going to switch back Jungkook and Yoongi’s furniture. We thought sharing a room
was what he needed, and maybe it was when he first got back from the clinic, but now its
best if he has his own space,” Jin said.

“I’m r-really s-sorry,” Hoseok whimpered out again, feeling smaller than he ever had.
Although they had already been discussing moving Jungkook back into his own room,
Hoseok hadn’t wanted it to end like this, because of him and his own stupidity hammering
the final nail into the coffin and perhaps into his and Jungkook’s overall relationship which
had already been on thin ice in the past weeks.

“I know you are,” Jin said, not unkindly. “It’s not your fault that Jungkook has such intense
reactions to these things. We all just have to be really careful with him. I know it’s hard.”
Despite Jin’s consolations, Hoseok still detected tension and anger radiating off of Namjoon
but his other dad didn’t speak as Jin continued, “Also its normal to have urges-

“Oh god, please don’t,” Hoseok said, mortified. “I know. I get it. I won’t watch anything
again. I’m sorry.”

“Okay,” Jin deflated, seemingly just as relieved to not have to have this conversation either.
“How about you go take Jimin out to eat to Cane’s or something? The rest of us can stay here
and help move everything.”

Tae was out with friends so he would be spared from the tense atmosphere and there was no
way Yoongi was letting Jin or Joon touch any of his music equipment without his
supervision. And Hoseok would like nothing more than to get out of the house.

“Sure,” he agreed quickly, standing up immediately, ready to make his escape.

“Alright, my keys and wallet are on the kitchen counter. Just grab twenty dollars or so.”

Not needing any further persuasion, Hoseok was about to speed walk out of the room but Jin
managed to catch the side of his arm and give him a well-meaning but slightly awkward side-
hug. “It’s going to be okay,” his dad said.

His dads kept saying that but, adoption aside, things only seemed to get worse and worse.
The adoption had only bolstered Jungkook’s mood for a couple of weeks before he
plummeted back into the sullen, short-tempered version of himself Hoseok had come to know
over the last couple months.

He managed to extricate himself out of Jin’s embrace, where he scrambled to grab his
backpack, the car keys and the money and went to hunker down in the car. He gave himself a
few minutes to compose himself, blotting his eyes and face and willing the redness away.
Once he decided he looked sane enough in the visor mirror, he texted Jimin to come down
and meet him, unable to go upstairs again or even enter the house for the time being.

It turned out that the excursion with Jimin was able to lighten his mood, at least slightly. As
the dependable elder brother, usually Hoseok was the one to give comforts and advice,
especially when it came to interacting with Jungkook. The tables had been turning though.
Now Jimin and Tae were the ones Jungkook got along the best with, while he, and to a
slightly lesser extent, Yoongi, were the ones Jungkook argued with. Maybe with the room
change, Jungkook would be a little happier again.

By the time they got back from eating and a long, aimless walk around the mall with a quick
stop at Starbucks where Hoseok coerced his coworkers into giving them free pastries, the
furniture had been swapped and Jungkook had shut himself away back in his old bedroom.
To Hoseok’s relief, no one mentioned the reason for the sudden switch but for an entire week
Jungkook didn’t utter a single word to him and would flush bright red every time they
crossed paths. It made him feel horrible and guilty but he also couldn’t ignore the immense
relief at having Yoongi back in his bedroom even if he was constantly getting tangled up in
his brother’s headphone and keyboard wires or finding guitar picks and sheet music on his
half of the room.

---

“Are you still mad at Hobi?” Jimin asked.

They sat across from each other on opposite sides of the room, Jimin on his own bed, with his
back against the wall and feet just hanging off the side of the bed. Jungkook was in the same
position except on Tae’s bed. The gap between them wasn’t huge but just enough to be a little
awkward for two people who were having a conversation, with the urge to speak slightly
above one’s normal speaking volume to make sure you were understood. Jungkook didn’t
mind the distance though, nor did he feel the need to raise his voice.

“I’m not mad at him,” Jungkook replied, training his gaze on the colorful striped socks Jimin
was wearing.

“It doesn’t seem like that. I don’t know what he did exactly but he feels really bad about it.”

“It’s none of your business,” Jungkook mumbled.

“What?” Jimin asked.

“I said that I don’t want to talk about it!” Jungkook snapped.

“You don’t want to talk about anything anymore.”

 ---

Jungkook couldn’t pinpoint exactly when Jin and Joon stopped feeling like his real parents, at
least on a regular basis. It was before his bio-father had even come back into his life. He
thought it was some time during living with his aunt, or maybe just after. It was weird and
difficult to explain. Jin and Joon always had more of any and every parental quality than his
bio-relatives, whether that be maturity or concern. They also had more of the tangible things
like money and things that weren’t as fun but Jungkook secretly appreciated like rules and
chores and gross-tasting healthy meals.

He didn’t explicitly remember the conversation where he was sat down and told he was a
foster kid and not their biological son. It was just something he’d always been aware of, like
how the sky was blue or water was wet. That didn’t stop him from calling them ‘dad’ when
he was a little kid because even if he knew on some level he wasn't technically ‘theirs’, it was
all he had and more importantly he had felt like theirs.

As the years ticked by there was a shift inside of him. Moments where he suddenly and
inexplicably felt shy around them, when in the past he would’ve been open and vulnerable.
Sometimes it felt like they were his friends’ parents. Adults who he knew and was fond of
but with a strange formality creating a barrier between them. He knew this feeling mostly
stemmed from him and his own insecurities – adopted or not Jin and Joon always treated him
like their other kids when he was living with them.

Yet they kept a careful distance whenever he was living with biological relatives.

He didn’t know this until he was living with them again after his aunt had had a nervous
breakdown – and only because Yoongi had told him - but apparently they had gotten a
warning at some point from social services because his aunt claimed they were trying to be
‘too involved’ in his life while he lived with her. Since Jin and Joon had no legal grounds
over him at the time, Audrey or someone else from social services told them to back off. It
didn’t surprise him, they had a tendency to be overprotective and although they tried to hide
it, they’d accidentally let a few comments slip here and there implying his bio-relatives
weren’t fit enough to take care of him.

Honestly, Jungkook wasn’t mad at social services or even his aunt for enforcing the
boundaries. He was mad at Jin and Joon for not overstepping them more.

Despite warnings or reprimands he had wanted them to fight for him relentlessly. They told
him they did, but fighting in the form of paperwork and calls to their attorney wasn’t what he
had wanted. It wasn’t satisfying or tangible. Maybe he was dumb and just wanted to
unnecessarily cause drama and destruction wherever he went. But still. He had wanted Jin
and Joon to show up to the school play and his soccer games regardless of what his aunt or
social services or anyone else wanted. He wanted them to check in weekly about his grades
and upcoming tests and ask him if he needed to go to Target to get posterboard for a school
project. He had wanted them to swing by wherever he was living and announce they were
going shopping and did he need some things? And, by the way, they were going to stop at
that family diner on the way home that Hobi and Tae liked so much. Did he want to come?
He and Jimin could order dessert too, where they’d split the Oreo cheesecake because the
meals were so big but it tasted so good so they had to get it every time they went.
 Even when he was at his father’s and had stopped all forms of communication with them, he
wanted them to come. He would look out the window and fantasize about their
embarrassingly large minivan pulling up where he would run to it as his brothers opened the
sliding door and forced him into the uncomfortable middle seat because he was the youngest
and smallest.

He wanted Jin and Joon to have been the ones to bust down the front door and whisk him
away, not the police. He had wanted them to read his mind and save him, not show up at the
hospital only because social services phoned them.

It was dumb and he was being childish. If they had violated the rules social services put in
place, it was likely they wouldn’t have placed him back into their care once his mother, aunt,
father, or whoever else appeared could no longer take care of him. Even while with Jin or
Joon, they had to toe the line to what social services dictated or they could pluck him from
their house. Jungkook knew that if things played out the way he had wanted it would’ve only
got them in trouble. Reason and logic and adoption did nothing for the resentment and hurt
that had been whittling away and expanding through him for years and years.

His therapist was very interested lately in the reservations he held towards Jin and Joon. She
wanted him to be vulnerable and honest with them even if it hurt or scared him. He knew
they were probably going to have a therapy session with the three of them soon. The problem
was, even if he was forced into talking about it, the past was too long and complicated. His
frustrations were like how thousands of ants worked together, each bringing back a tiny
fragment of something insecure and fragile but overtime adding up until it was almost
unfathomable. Each piece of hurt stored in its own deep pocket of the colony where the
tunnels winded and crossed and then broke away again. You could get lost in there, forever.

Chapter End Notes

Hi, thank you for your patience! We are moving on to the second part of the story now
and I hope you like it! Also, finally past the 100k milestone, an achievement I have
always wanted to hit in one of my fics!!
 Chapter 24
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes

Jungkook huffed loudly and let it linger in the air to let Jamie and Dr. Yung know he was not
pleased. He wasn’t comfortable enough around them to be more snippy like he would with
Jin or Joon and even though he wasn’t afraid of his ‘dads’ he was somehow afraid of his
psychiatrist or therapist telling them that he misbehaved or was rude. He slumped lower in
the chair and crossed his arms over his chest as Jamie relayed some information to Dr. Yung
about his ‘progress’.

The meetings he had with Dr. Yung, which seemed to be increasing in frequency lately, were
annoying as fuck. Around a month and a half ago he went from three to two therapy sessions
a week which was good because it was exhausting. Clearly they didn’t think he was any less
crazy though since his psychiatry sessions now were only seven to ten days apart when
before they had only been once every two weeks at most. Psychiatric evaluations meant that
he had to show up twenty minutes earlier than usual for his therapy appointment, where
Jamie would accompany him to Dr. Yung’s office and they would have ‘a chat’ about
whatever symptoms or side effects he was dealing with. Arguably this was a lot easier than
talking about his traumas and feelings but for some reason, today especially, it pissed him off.

“How’s your appetite been?” Dr. Yung asked. She looked at him calmly but he refused to
meet her gaze and let his eyes wander around her room to make it clear he’d rather be
anywhere but there.

Her office was boring, just like this meeting. The walls were a weird, dark earthy-green color.
Ugly. There was a degree hanging on the wall but it was off to the side near a corner, as if she
put it up because she had to and not because she wanted to. There were a couple framed
photos populated with scenic vistas from national parks. He’d been to a couple of those
places himself with Jin and Joon and his brothers and seen some of those spots with his own
eyes. Maybe the photos that hung on her walls would be impressive if she had taken them
herself, but it was clearly stock photography. They were probably supposed to be calming or
inspiring or something dumb like that. The most interesting thing was the bookshelf behind
Doctor Yung’s desk which was overstuffed with all sorts of booklets, pamphlets, and
textbooks, almost to the point of being messy. Jungkook wondered what would happen if he
got up right now and tipped it over.

“Jungkook?” Doctor Yung prodded again.

He rolled his eyes. “It’s fine. I don’t even know what that has to do with anything.”

“Your medication can affect your appetite,” she recited. “And according to Seokjin you
haven’t been eating that much lately.” Not long after his adoption she’d referred to Jin as his
‘dad’ and Jungkook had snapped at her that he wasn’t actually his dad. Dr. Yung and Jamie
had shared a quick look but ever since both of them continued to refer to Jin as Joon by their
names rather than his ‘dads’ or ‘parents’.
Jungkook scrunched up his face in annoyance. “If you were just gonna get it from him, why
even ask me?”

“Because I want to give you a chance to be honest with me and explain what’s going on so
we can understand.”

Jungkook didn’t know what to say to that so he grumbled, “I’m just not hungry is all.”

“Well then, I can prescribe an appetite stimulant that you would take in the morning before
breakfast to help,” Dr. Yung said, her stupid poker face giving nothing away.

“I don’t want more stupid pills,” Jungkook protested, brow furrowing. He glared past Dr.
Yung, his gaze slightly to the right of her head, focusing on what looked like a precarious
stack of notebooks on the fourth shelf of the bookcase. He wondered how the shelf didn’t
collapse under the weight of all the science and theories and medicines on mental illnesses it
contained.

“Why’s that? Do you think it’s your appetite being affected by your current medications, or
are you choosing not to eat?” she asked.

Jungkook’s eyebrows shot up in surprise – he hadn’t expected such a direct question from her
and immediately turned towards Jamie who sat to his left, morphing his expression into one
of pleading. She stared back at him, not mad but clearly not impressed. Okay, great, his own
therapist that he was probably paying thousands of dollars for wasn’t even going to help him
out.

“That’s stupid, why would I do that?” Jungkook said, trying to sound indifferent.

“I think perhaps you are choosing to be unkind to yourself,” Dr. Yung said. She shifted so her
forearms were resting on her desk and her expression held something so sincere and serious
that it made him flush with nervousness and he quickly diverted his gaze to a stack of
research papers on the desk corner in front of her computer.

Jungkook swallowed the lump in his throat. “That’s dumb,” he mumbled after a moment but
his voice sounded weak, even to his own ears.

Her gaze was still on him. She could see right through him and he couldn’t find any of his
earlier bluster that made him think he could outsmart her or Jamie or even Jin and Joon.

“I won’t write a prescription now,” Dr. Yung carried on as Jungkook deflated in his seat like a
withered balloon, “But I think we should discuss some tips to make mealtimes more
productive for you.”

“Do what you want,” he whispered, “it doesn’t matter anyways.”

---

Warily, Jungkook eyed the big backpack Mia had slung over her shoulder like she was some
sort of adventurer as he opened the front door for her.
“Hi,” he said. “What’s in your bag?”

She grinned at him, “It’s a surprise!”

Jungkook’s chest felt a little tight. He didn’t like surprises and had half a mind to shove her
right back out the door.

“Alright,” Jungkook said instead. As they trudged through the living room to the staircase, he
made brief eye contact with Jin who’d popped his head out of the kitchen. Jin’s eyes had a
hardness to them.

“Hi Mia,” Jin said, the chirp in his voice not betraying any of the tension held in his irises.

“Hello Mr. Kim!” she said cheerfully, oblivious to it all.

They continued up to his room and Mia swung the door shut behind her.

“Actually…” Jungkook began, eyeing the closed door nervously.

“Listen,” Mia interrupted him, “I know you like staying home so I thought we could record
the video here. Your room has enough natural light that I don’t think we need to find an extra
lamp or anything,” she plopped her backpack down on his floor, the equipment jangling. She
reached in and started sifting through it, placing everything neatly on the ground.

“I don’t know if I can,” Jungkook said quietly.

“The recording you sent me a few days ago was great! And we can do as many takes as we
need. I don’t need to be home until 9 – is it okay if I stay for dinner? Okay well actually I
guess we only have an hour if we want to use the natural lighting. By the way did you notice?
I wore black today so our outfits are coordinated since you’re apparently emo or goth now or
whatever.”

He couldn’t keep up with her chatter and all his thoughts were jumbled like when you dump
the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle out of their box. No matter how hard he tried it seemed like he
couldn’t find any pieces that fit together right. He thought of the looks Jin had been giving
him all day and wondered if he had slipped one of the tablets for panic attacks in his morning
medication. It was always hard to think straight when he took that. Jungkook couldn’t recall
anything different about the dose this morning but he’d also been focusing all his attention on
cutting up his pancake and slipping bits to Binky so it looked like he’d eaten more of it than
he had.

“So, what do you think?” Mia asked.

“What?” Jungkook asked.

“I said do you think it would work if we shifted your dresser to the corner so I can set up my
tripod there,” she said pointing to the corner of the room. Her brow had furrowed just
slightly. She was catching on to the fact that he was crazy.

“That’s fine…”
Her expression relaxed and she continued on, “Okay and then we can tape up my backdrop
on the wall and over your door. Do you have thumbtacks in your desk? I didn’t bring any.”

No, of course not. There were no sharp objects to be found anywhere in the Kim household.
Not since he cut himself with a safety pin. Not since he tried to fucking kill himself in the
downstairs bathtub. Mia didn’t know any of this. He decided to humor her by rummaging
through his desk and he felt a laugh bubbling up his throat at the absurdity of it all. He
managed to swallow it just in time but the corners of his mouth still strained, trying to twitch
upward. Man, was he losing it. In a daze he stumbled over to his desk and began to paw
through the contents. Art and school supplies once kept organized were now a random heap,
like the junk drawer in the kitchen, like the thoughts in his brain.

“I have tape,” he offered eventually.

He jumped as Mia’s voice was no longer behind him but to the side. She was leaning over his
bed, looking at the pile of gray fur that was Jemma. “Should we put her in the hallway or will
she just meow and claw at the door if we do that?”

Jungkook blinked. Jemma certainly would pester them until they let her back in but it could
buy him time to get out of doing the recording. “Yeah, let’s put her outside. She’ll be quiet.”
He scooped her up and she let out an indignant meow as he kicked open the door and dumped
her in the hallway. He hesitated a moment longer before closing it again, wincing as he did
so, knowing he would get a lecture from Jin about it later.

Then Mia pestered him into helping her shift his dresser a couple feet to the right so there
was space for the tripod. Satisfied, she started setting up her camera.

Beads of sweat sprouted on Jungkook’s forehead as she took out the video camera from her
bag and started fussing with it. He could see a small distorted reflection of himself in the
camera lense as she clipped it to the tripod. His hands and feet felt numb and the air was thick
and heavy like it was the middle of a humid summer. The camera wasn’t on yet but he swore
the red light was blinking, signaling his doom and humiliation. His heartbeat drummed in his
ears and he felt queasy.

Sometimes, if no one was home, Jonathon would make him watch a recording. Particularly if
Jungkook had been blacked out during it because of something they gave him. He’d make
Jungkook sit next to him on his bed, pop a headphone into his ear, and play it on the laptop.
His stepbrother had went about it so casually like he was showing him a funny Youtube
video. HIs eyes would glimmer with amusement and he'd be more interested in Jungkook's
reaction than whatever was actually playing on the screen. All Jungkook could do was stare
in wide-eyed horror as people slung around his limp body like a ragdoll, his head lolling this
way and that and eyes glazed.

“Uh..um, I-I…I…” Jungkook stuttered, unable to form a coherent sentence, all his words
blowing away like dandelion seeds. He was trying so hard to fit the puzzle pieces together.
He wanted Jin.

“Jungkook..?” Mia asked worriedly, finally actually paying attention to him. “Are you okay?”
His eyes were prickling. Even though it was so hot the hairs on the back of his neck stood up
as a sudden chill washed over him, phantom touches from his stepbrother that were always
ghosting over his skin no matter how many times he showered or how many protective layers
of clothing he wore.

“I’ll get your dad!” he heard distantly.

---

Jin was distracted from where he was dicing vegetables for a soup as Jungkook’s friend
suddenly crashed into the kitchen, her normally warm complexion gone pale. His heart
dropped. Before she could even open her mouth, he was setting the knife down and
maneuvering around the kitchen island to head towards the stairs.

“I don’t know what happened, all the sudden he couldn’t breathe properly and started to get
upset!” Mia wailed. “I don’t know if it’s an allergic reaction or-or-

“Mia, sweetie,” Jin said as calmly as he could as he paused with one hand with an iron grip
on the staircase banister, “Can you get yourself home? If not, can you wait down here for a
little bit?”

“I can walk home, it’s okay,” the normally precocious girl said timidly, tears shimmering on
her waterline. “I’m really sorry.”

“It’s not your fault, this just happens sometimes. It’s okay. He’s not in any danger.” Maybe.

Mia lingered at the bottom of the stairs for a second longer before whipping around and
heading towards the front door.

When Jin made it to the bedroom, Jungkook’s door was open and Jungkook himself was
pressed against the side of his dresser which was askew from where it normally stood, face
wet with tears and knees pulled to his chest.

“Hey Kookie, come here, what’s wrong?” Jin tried.

Jungkook just shook his head.

Jin sighed and sat on the floor in front of him in the center of the room. “I really wish you’d
talk to me, sweetheart.”

His son let out another strangled sound from deep in his throat.

“T-the camera.”

“Oh the camera’s bothering you? I don’t think it’s on but I’ll take it down.”

He stood up and fumbled with it a couple seconds before managing to unclip it from the
tripod. It looked pretty expensive so he held it gingerly as he zipped it back up in the case. He
pushed it to the side and collapsed the tripod for good measure before getting back down on
the floor so he could be eye-level with his son.
“Is that better?”

Jungkook nodded weakly and crawled out from his hiding place, still as taut as a wound rope,
sitting miserably in front of Jin with tears and snot streaking down his face.

“Do you want a hug? Is that okay?”

Jungkook nodded again. Jin scooted himself forward a little more. It was a bit awkward with
their positions on the floor but he managed to coax Jungkook to his chest where he buried his
face in his olive green t-shirt. Jin could feel tears soaking the patch that rested above his
collarbone.

“I’ve got you,” Jin said, rubbing Jungkook’s back. He’d been in this position so many times
but in never got easier.

When Jungkook had informed him - not asked - that Mia was coming over the next day, Jin
was torn. Jungkook needed to socialize and have fun and do things that normal kids did if he
was to get better. He’d been so angry lately though and Jin didn’t want his only friend to be
on the receiving end of that anger. Especially if something happened and she got hurt or told
her parents about it, a whole other mess would be born. In the end he agreed, after making
Jungkook promise to behave, get him if something was wrong, and to keep his door open.

Perhaps Jin would’ve felt more comfortable if he had parental backup but Namjoon and the
rest of their family had gone to the high school to watch the home track meet. Even though
none of their kids did track, all of their sons had some friends on the team and the atmosphere
was always lively. They had tried to convince Jungkook to go too but he’d refused. Namjoon
wasn’t as bothered by the refusal because he would at least be hanging out with his friend. Jin
was regretful he hadn’t pushed harder at getting Jungkook out of the house. Although maybe
it would’ve been worse if Jungkook had gone to the track meet. There would definitely be a
lot of parents filming the track meet if cameras were what Jungkook was afraid of. He felt
Jungkook’s wiry arms cinch around him a little tighter and Jin shifted to hold him a little
closer.

Jin stared numbly at the wall as Jungkook coughed out a few watery hiccups.

Jungkook’s therapist’s plan was to eventually get him in group therapy and reduce his
individual sessions to only once a week, in order to help him begin affiliating with others. He
needed to redevelop the ability to trust and have relationships with other people, both adults
and peers. It had been a little over six months now, meaning just a little under six months
until the school year started - and Jamie still didn’t think he was ready for the group therapy
setting. Right now there was no way his son would be able to cope with in-person school.

Jin hoped he would start making progress soon. He didn’t want to push Jungkook too hard
but by the time the new school year would start Jungkook would have been sitting at their
house for a year, only interacting with them, his medical professionals and, very occasionally,
his friend Mia. Jin understood the necessity of healing in a calm and familiar environment but
his world was too small right now. It was obvious that part of him getting better was
acclimating him to public and social settings again. Was his son doomed to be plagued by
nightmares and panic attacks the rest of his life?
 ---

“I ruined my friendship with Mia,” Jungkook announced at the very start of his next session.
He knew Jin and Joon shared updates with Jamie on how he acted at home so it was highly
likely she already knew of his blow-up with his friend.

“What happened?” Jamie asked, she looked sympathetic and Jungkook didn’t know if she
was playing dumb or not. She would tell him if he asked her whether or not she already
knew. He decided not to and just explain his side since Jin probably told the story in a way
that wasn’t even accurate.

“It was dumb, I had a panic attack or something when we going to record a song together for
her Youtube channel.”

“What do you think triggered it?”

“It was…” Jungkook trailed off, the blinking red light of a recording still flickering in his
mind’s eye. “I was actually going to ask you advice about this but I forgot.”

“Advice for what?” Jamie asked.

“I wanted to tell Mia a while ago that I wanted to play music with her, just not record
anything on video. But I know she worked really hard at this one song and she really likes
making Youtube videos. I thought I could handle it because we made a TikTok together once,
but I guess I couldn’t.”

“You don’t like recording things,” Jamie said and this time it wasn’t a question but an
observation.

“No…” Jungkook looked around the room. “You know J-jonathon recorded stuff too. And he
gave it to people. That’s why th-that one guy r-recognized me that one t-time.”

Jungkook sniffled and hiccupped. “B-but I freaked out in front of M-mia and now she knows
I’m crazy!”

“We’ve talked about the use of that word before,” Jamie reminded him gently. She didn’t
approve of the word ‘crazy’. “Have you talked to her since that happened?” she continued.

“No. Jin dropped off her camera and stuff at her house the day after and she texted me,”
Jungkook said thickly. “But I didn’t reply.”

“What did she say?”

“She said thanks for bringing her stuff back and apologized if she did something that upset
me,” he said quietly.

“From what you’ve told me she seems like a very empathetic girl. I’m sure she would
understand if you explained to her what made you upset.”
“And what am I supposed to say!? I can’t tell her what happened to me!” Another panic
attack was already clawing at his lungs at the mere idea.

“How about explaining that you just had a bad memory come up from when you were at your
father’s? You don’t need to give any details,” Jamie suggested.

“I don’t know…that just makes me sound cr-…worse,” Jungkook replied. “Who else is
scared that bad from memories alone?”

“A lot of people,” Jamie said gently. “You could give her a chance to understand your
situation better.”

“I’ll think about it,” Jungkook said eventually.

---

His thumbs hovered over the keyboard, looking for a reason not to do this. He was
disappointed that he couldn’t really find one. It was still near impossible to bring his thumb to
the screen, as if it and his fingers were polarizing magnetic forces. He inhaled deeply and
slowly and let it sit in his chest for a few seconds before he exhaled, even more slowly.

Sorry I freaked out he typed.

He deleted it.

sorry he typed out.

Delete.

I’m sorry.

He sent it and stared at his screen unable to tear himself away. If his fingers were polarized
by the screen, his eyes were pulled to it. Unfortunately, Mia didn’t have read receipts on so
he couldn’t know when she got it. The typing notification came on too long after and his
pulse quickened. Maybe Mia had been waiting for him to text her. The three dots started and
stopped a few times until:

Mia: Hi, no I’m really sorry! I know it was something I did but I just don’t know what. Please
if you let me know what happened I wont do it again!

Again? So she still wanted to be friends with him?

Jungkook: Just promise

Jungkook: That you won’t tell anyone

Mia: of course I won’t!

Jungkook: well its just that my stepbrothers I lived with when I was w my dad would take
embarrassing videos of me and like, blackmail me w them idk
Mia: is that why you left to live w your dads again?

Jungkook hadn’t left, that implied it was voluntary. Try being wrenched away by police.

Jungkook: I mean its more complicated than that but yeah basically i guess

Mia: ok im really sorry again! You can just tell me next time if im being dumb or w/e and I’ll
stop, don't worry I don't get offended that easily :)

Jungkook: ok. Sorry about the song

Mia: dw, we can still do music just not record anything if u want

He sent a thumbs up. Even if there was a next time, it wouldn’t be for a long while yet. No
way he’d hang out with her when he was always on the brink of losing it. He didn’t
remember why he had even agreed to it the other day. Setting the phone down on his
nightstand, Jungkook rolled over onto his back and stared at his ceiling, trying to find all the
shapes he saw up there when he was little. All it looked like to him now was boring, off-
white dry wall. He hoped Mia wouldn’t be able to discern what he meant by ‘embarrassing
videos’. She wasn’t dumb but she also had a pretty conventional life. Two people could look
at the same ceiling but if one is a happy, naive little kid they’ll find all sorts of creatures in
the texture like it was a canvas waiting to be painted with their imagination. The other person
will just see a plain ceiling.

---

There was yelling downstairs. First Jungkook. Then Jin. It must’ve got Binky excited because
his howling joined the mix. The stomp of angry footsteps. More shouting. The slam of a door.

Taehyung adjusted his headphones more snugly over his ears and turned up the volume on
the Lofi playlist he was studying to. His eyes had glazed over and he re-focused on the
chemical equations he had to balance. It was hard to concentrate, the slow hip-hop beats
could hide noises but couldn’t distract him from his worries.

He clicked the eraser on his mechanical pencil again and again to make the lead longer and
longer until nearly the entirety of the .05mm stick was jutting out. He tried to slide it back in
one smooth motion but it cracked and broke off halfway. He sighed and popped out the eraser
to put the shorter stick back into the hollow plastic tube. Blurred chemical equations looked
up at him. He refocused his eyes, again.

Question number twelve.

He recognized it as the formula for photosynthesis.

One thing he tried not to worry about because it was beyond his control but still sprouted in
his thoughts no matter how deep he tried to bury it was the fact that plants emit carbon
dioxide at night as part of their respiratory process. At night they only emitted about half the
volume of CO2 compared to the O2 produced during the day. Moreover, even during daytime
the plants were retaining nearly all the carbon dioxide from the air. They were storing the
carbon dioxide inside themselves, not changing it into something better and freeing
themselves of it. Once they died and started rotting they’d release all that stored up carbon
dioxide, the other half of it so it was equivalent to the amount of oxygen they produced over
their lifetime.

This worried him because it seemed everyone was convinced plants were the way to save the
world and stop global warming. Everyone was familiar with photosynthesis and how they
produced O2 but they all seemed to have a blind spot when it came to the fact that over their
lifecycle plants would ultimately produce just as much carbon dioxide. Everyone everywhere
was planting trees and creating ‘green belts’ but how was that supposed to help? In fact,
plants were estimated to produce ten times more carbon dioxide than humans. Sometimes it
made him feel like he was crazy because he would bring it up in conversation and his friends
would look at him like he had two heads.

What do you mean plants produce carbon dioxide? Don’t you mean oxygen?

When he proved to them via google that they did indeed produce carbon dioxide they often
look troubled and shifted to other topics. He wondered if so few people knew about it
because they just didn’t pay attention in biology that day or if they subconsciously repressed
the fact. No one wanted to face that truth that what was supposed to be pure and good and
their salvation had just as much potential to harm.

On more than one occasion he’d also tried to google how planting more trees would help
climate change but maybe he never worded the searches correctly because he never found
satisfying answers, only ones that addressed their oxygen output but neglected to mention the
CO2. He realized he had never asked Namjoon about it even though his dad had an affinity
for plants and gardening and was the smartest person he knew, a human encyclopedia. He
made a mental note to ask him soon. Taehyung sighed and scribbled in the answer for
question twelve.

---

Namjoon was making his evening round of checking up on his houseplants when Taehyung
suddenly materialized by his side. “You know, plants produce carbon dioxide at night. It’s
why hospitals have regulations about how much can be inside since it can be dangerous for
the patients,” Taehyung said.

“Is that so? I thought they produced oxygen,” Namjoon replied.

“They do. And carbon dioxide.”

Namjoon hummed in acknowledgement.

“It’s not dangerous that there are so many plants in our house, right? It’s a lot of carbon
dioxide.” Taehyung pressed.

“Well we haven’t died yet have we?” Namjoon countered.

 “I was hoping you would know,” Taehyung continued, “Because what does replenishing the
rainforest even mean for global warming if it produces more carbon dioxide than humans
ever could?”

“But it still makes oxygen too right?”

“But it’s the same amount,” Taehyung said. “Of oxygen to carbon dioxide.”

“Oh. I don’t know,” Namjoon admitted.

From the corner of his eyes he saw Taehyung’s shoulders slump in defeat. “Okay,” his son
sighed. He focused back to the current plant and finished watering it. When he turned back
around to ask Taehyung if he wanted to do some driving practice later, his son had already
disappeared, slipping away as suddenly as he had come.

Namjoon carried on watering his plants, but now a frown pulled at the corner of his lips. His
second youngest was incredibly smart but more in the creative way than the math-and-
science way and as a result he tended to think and express himself in abstractions and
metaphors rather than direct language. Maybe Taehyung hadn’t been talking about carbon
dioxide at all.

Chapter End Notes

🥰
It's been kind of a rough week, I would really appreciate some kind words on this
chapter
 Chapter 25
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes

Yoongi brought his index finger to the highest note on his keyboard, C8, and then trailed it
down in a half-hearted glissando. He’d meant to go to middle C but slowed down
prematurely and came to a halt at key forty-five, an F, and eyed the line between it and key
forty-four, an E. The exact middle of the piano.

There it was again, buzzing in his brain, reminding him of the thing he’d heard in elementary
school a long time ago. Tidbits of information would always fly around the school back then,
a childish version of hot gossip. Things one kid would say that sounded smart so everyone
would hear of it and repeat it to everyone else they knew in the hopes of sounding smart. For
instance, in the third grade the fact that ‘racecar’ spelled backwards was also ‘racecar’
burned through the school like wildfire. Currently, Yoongi was dwelling of a time during
sixth grade recess when he was shooting hoops on the blacktop and his friend said to him,
“Did you know if you keep moving to a point halfway that you will never actually get there?”

“What do you mean?” Yoongi asked, only half-paying attention.

“Look at that line,” his friend said, pointing to the faded white paint that marked the edge of
the basketball court.

Yoongi reluctantly lowered the ball and turned his gaze away from the basketball hoop.
“Okay.”

“If you moved halfway to that line you would be halfway there. And then if you did it again
but half of that new distance-

“So a quarter of the original distance,” Yoongi cut in. He could be clever too.

His friend nodded, “You’d still be getting closer to the line if you kept moving like that but
you would never actually reach it.”

“Huh,” Yoongi blinked. “I guess that’s true.”

At the time he had only found it vaguely interesting but for whatever reason it had stuck to
his brain like an annoying piece of gum all these years. He always ended up digging the fact
back out again and polishing it off when he was mulling over something troublesome. It was
paradoxical, to continuously move in the right direction, closer to your goal but never reach
it. Same with the distance, the length of something could keep getting shorter and shorter if
you kept cutting it by a constant amount, but it would never actually become zero.

Overtime, this little riddle had become intrusive for him. When his OCD was at its peak in
the beginning of high school, Yoongi would find himself picking a random spot in the
distance – the threshold of his bedroom at the end of the hallway or the seam of tiles in a
store. He’d move halfway to it. Then halfway again. And again. All too quickly the distances
would become too short for him to estimate properly. At one point he started carrying around
a tape measure he’d snatched from the garage, carefully measuring as the distance decreased
but even then he could only get down to a millimeter before that method too lost accuracy.
And he would never reach the point he initially picked.

He would also use his graphing calculator, typing numbers in the billions, the largest it could
handle, and continuously divide them by two. He’d watch the numbers get smaller and
smaller until the calculator started showing him negative exponent values. It was hard to
explain why it bothered him so much and why he had this hopeless urge to prove what was
futile. His old therapist had helped him along.

I don’t think it’s actually the distances you’re worried about.

He’d been so controlled by his compulsions back then. His brain refusing to believe what he
knew to be true because if you get smaller and smaller eventually you had to become nothing
right? Actually nothing. Not just something approximating nothing. Back in middle school
and early high school that was what it felt like. He was approximate to nothing but wished he
could become actually nothing. It seemed like a lifetime ago, a half remembered dream
containing a version of himself that he couldn’t relate to anymore.

He saw the ghost of it in Jungkook sometimes. How all the therapy and pills and love wasn’t
enough. Diminishing returns. Yoongi wanted to have faith. He’d approached Jungkook
multiple times because he could relate to an extent. But what distance was held in that
‘extent’? He hoped it wasn’t an impassable one but he couldn’t be sure. Even if their
circumstances had been exactly the same, which they weren’t, they were still different people
who would ultimately handle things differently. Jungkook could be taking so many steps
forward but he may as well be standing still. He didn’t want to think about this anymore.

Yoongi’s finger still lingered on the F but he forced it to move three notes down until he
reached his intended destination of middle C.

---

Jungkook was bored. It was a Saturday and there was nothing to do. He had already finished
his online schoolwork for the rest of next week. His brothers were all busy or out of the
house. He wondered if they were purposefully avoiding him. Binky was asleep. He didn’t
know where Jin or Namjoon had gone off to but both their cars were missing. Joon sent a text
twenty minutes ago saying he’d be home soon. He tried wiggling someone’s headphones cord
in front of Jemma to tempt her to play but she ignored it and began to clean herself, licking at
her chest. He huffed a sigh and slumped against the cushions and tossed a pillow onto the
floor.

There was the rustle of keys turning in the lock and the small beeping sound indicating the
correct code had been entered onto the keypad for the security system installed last week.
Jungkook eagerly got up from the couch to see who it was. Namjoon.

“Hey Kook,” Namjoon said as he walked through the living room towards the kitchen.
Jungkook trailed after him.
“Ahmed says hi,” Namjoon said idly as he set his car keys and wallet on the counter before
patting his pockets to make sure nothing was left in them.

What? Ahmed? Jungkook perked up. “Where did you see Ahmed?” he asked immediately.

Namjoon looked up at him, an expression Jungkook couldn’t quite interpret painted across
his features. “Well, um, we met to discuss some things about the case.”

“The case?” Jungkook echoed dumbly. He had a moment of panic where his brain jumped to
the conclusion that something had gone wrong in his adoption process.

“You know,” Namjoon said, his expression quickly melting into one of apprehension,
“against the people who hurt you.”

Jungkook took a step back. “Oh. Right. Yeah.” Somehow he had managed to block out the
fact that Jonathon and Kevin and possibly others were indeed still alive and just sitting in jail
awaiting their trial. They hadn’t ceased to exist once he had been rescued and they were
arrested. He felt stupid for thinking Namjoon had run into Ahmed at the store or something.
Of course nothing in his life was ever so mundane or simple.

“Jungkook,” Namjoon said softly, taking a step towards him. Jungkook subconsciously took
another step back, hip bumping against the kitchen table.

“Is it…soon?” he managed to ask.

Now that he thought about it, it was kind of strange no one had mentioned anything about a
trial or what would happen to Jonathon and Kevin and anyone else the police had managed to
apprehend. The only thing adults had told him were variations of ‘they can’t hurt you
anymore’, which maybe they couldn’t physically but if that were actually true he wouldn’t
have to go to all the therapy and swallow all those pills.

“How about we talk about this later when Jin is home?” Namjoon suggested.

“Am…am I going to h-have to, um, say something?” That possibility was all it took for him
to truly start to panic. The courthouse for his adoption hearing had been nerve-wracking
enough and that was for a happy event. How would he be able to talk about what happened to
him in front of a room full of strangers? Oh God, Jin and Namjoon would have to attend the
hearing too. Ahmed and probably Audrey. His birth father and stepmom. He didn’t know
how he would react to seeing Jonathon and Kevin or anyone else that had done things to him.
Jungkook thought he might throw up even though he hadn’t eaten since breakfast.

“Hey, hey, Kookie just breathe, okay? Can you hear me?”

Jungkook hadn’t realized it but he’d dropped into a crouch, one hand clutching the leg of the
kitchen table and Namjoon’s voice floated somewhere above him.

“You’re not going to have to testify in the courtroom.”

“Wh-what?” he gasped.
“You’re not going to have to testify in the courtroom,” Namjoon repeated. “That’s part of
what we’ve been discussing with Ahmed and the lawyer. You still have to make a statement,
but we’ll just do it with the judge, lawyers, maybe Ahmed and a few other people like me and
your therapist. They’ll take a video of it and present it at the trial for you.”

Jungkook processed the words. A video? A camera capturing every pathetic sound and
protest he made? A blinking red light that, to him, felt as terrifying as the honing laser of a
sniper rifle. Namjoon knew how he’d freaked out in front of Mia. While it sounded terrible
even he had to admit that it was more manageable than sitting on the witness stand in front of
tons of people like he’d seen in movies.

“Y-you promise?” Jungkook asked.

“I promise, the request has already been approved, they just need to schedule a date for it.
But even before then we’ll meet with the lawyer along with Jamie, if you want, and they can
help you with what you need to say. I’m sorry, we were going to wait a little longer before
telling you.” Namjoon explained. “It’s not going to be for a while yet anyways.”

“J-jonathon and Kevin aren’t going to be there?”

“No, no, of course not. No. You’re never going to be in the same room with them or any of
the rest ever again,” Namjoon said with finality.

Jungkook nodded, though Namjoon couldn’t promise that, not really. He knew that the police
hadn’t managed to apprehend all the people and it would be impossible if you were counting
the ones who’d seen stuff online.

---

“Why are you so cranky?” Yoongi asked.

“Why are all of you so annoying!” Jungkook snapped. Maybe not his best insult but his blood
was starting to boil and he wasn’t cranky. If they would just listen to him-

Before he could even get a chance to respond Jin was brushing past him as he came through
with a hamper of dirty laundry to take to the washroom. “Jungkook, that’s now how you talk
to your brothers.”

He glowered at them. They were always ganging up on him. They pretended they had wanted
him to be adopted but apparently everyone hated him.

“Shut up!”

“Jungkook,” Jin warned, setting down the basket and now turning to face him with a stern
expression. Hoseok looked uncomfortable and a little wary, eyes flicking between the two of
them.

“What?” Jungkook asked. Did Jin think a few words were enough? He had a lot coming if he
thought Jungkook would back down so easily. He started gearing up for a fight, clenching his
fists and squaring his shoulders.
“This behavior is unacceptable. If you are upset with someone, you talk with them calmly
and respectfully. You don’t need to insult anyone.”

Calmness? Respect? So he needed to extend that to everyone in the household even if no one
extended it to him.

“But I told Hoseok I forgot some stuff in his room and he and Yoongi won’t let me look for
it!”

Hoseok, who’d been steadily trying to inch out of the kitchen ever since Jungkook confronted
them, froze. “I told you we’d look for it for you but you won’t even tell us what it is!”

“Because it’s none of your business!” Jungkook argued. It was only a beanie, an extra phone
charger and maybe his green colored pencil because it wasn’t in his desk. Since he’d refused
to tell them at first, although he didn’t know why, it felt especially wrong to tell them now.
Like he’d be letting them win by divulging the information.

“That’s not something to get upset about,” Jin replied.

“How do you get to decide that!?”

“Kook, okay, that was a poor choice of words on my part. You can get upset but you can’t
react like that.”

“Great, I’ll just let everyone do whatever they want to me! Just like before! Good to know
that’s how you want me to behave!”

Hoseok literally flinched at the words, bumping into the counter behind him. Jin’s eyes were
bulging too. Yoongi was standing behind him so he couldn’t see his reaction but the tension
radiating from everyone felt physical, like the very air was turning to stone. “Jungkook…
that’s not..” Jin said in a strained tone.

Namjoon, drawn in by the commotion emerged from his bedroom. “What’s going on out
here?”

“Jungkook wants to dig through our room and won’t let us look for his missing stuff!”
Hoseok burst out before Jungkook could voice his side of the story.

“What are you so afraid I’ll find?” Jungkook growled, looking Hoseok dead in the eye.

His brother blanched but wouldn’t back down. “Jesus, it’s not like that! Sorry if I don’t want
you throwing our stuff everywhere!”

“Jungkook what is it that you’re missing?” Namjoon cut in.

“He won’t tell us!” Hoseok continued, like Jungkook was the most exasperating person the
planet. “And we haven’t seen any of his stuff in our room in the first place!”

“Hobi, I was asking Jungkook,” Namjoon stopped him and Jungkook felt smug. “Alright well
is it important? Do you need it for school?” Namjoon asked turning to Jungkook.
“Well..not school but-but it’s important to me!” Jungkook defended.

Yoongi piped up again, “Why don’t you just tell us and we can keep an eye out for it?”

“Maybe it’s not in their room and someone else has seen it, Kook,” Namjoon sighed.

“It’s not something..you could hurt yourself with right?” Jin asked quietly.

Now all four pairs of eyes were on him and filled with varying degrees of apprehension.
They all thought he was so fucking crazy.

“Oh my fucking God! No!” Angry tears started to manifest in Jungkook’s eyes. It was
accusation after accusation, everything was always his fault. “It’s just my fucking hat and my
phone ch-charger and m-my pencil and..”

“Jesus Christ, all of this for that?!” Yoongi blew up. “There’s a million chargers in the drawer
by the TV and you have a ton of pencils!”

“B-but it's the green one,” Jungkook protested weakly.

“And I haven’t seen your fucking hat!” Yoongi continued, his eyes two slits of fury.

“Everyone let’s lower our voices, there is no need for swearing. And Jungkook you left your
hat in the car,” Jin said quietly. His face was drawn and disappointed. Namjoon had that same
unreadable expression from when he told him about the upcoming court trial. Hoseok looked
frustrated and Yoongi was still seething.

There was a tornado of anxiety and anger in his chest, ready to get free even if it tore up
Jungkook in the process. “I hate it here! I’m leaving!” he declared. No one wanted him here
anyways.

Namjoon sucked in a breath, “No you’re not Kookie. I know you’re upset-

“Stop telling me how I feel!”

“Okay, let’s take a moment to calm down and then, how about you tell me how you feel,” he
countered.

“Why should I!? You won’t understand! I’m leaving!” Jungkook repeated.

“And going where?” Namjoon asked, exasperated.

There was an implication behind it – ‘you have no friends and no parents or relatives who
want you.’ His arms felt like they were turning into blocks of ice and he slowly brought his
hands to his chest where he gripped his shirt. The tornado had morphed into something
sharper and painful, like hundreds of needles. It hurt. He didn’t have anyone. He was trapped
here.

“I didn’t mean I wanted you to leave Jungkook, I-

Jungkook managed to unhook his hands from his shirt where they were doing nothing to dull
the heartache he felt. Instead he clasped them over his ears. He could at least drown out
Namjoon’s voice where every syllable sent another pang through him.

Everyone was wrong. No, he hadn’t been cranky. He’d been fucking enraged. And them
calling him cranky only added fuel to the fire. It was..it was condescending. They had no idea
what he was feeling and he felt awful and they just didn’t get it. His own supposed family
didn’t get him. If they didn’t who would? It was like he was on the edge of a cliff,
windmilling his arms desperately to not fall backward into the abyss while everyone else
passively observed his struggle a few paces away.

---

Jin herded him and Hobi out of the kitchen while Namjoon dealt, or tried to deal with
Jungkook.

“He’s losing it, can’t you get him to calm down?” Yoongi snapped at Jin. This was arguably
the worst blowout this week but Jungkook had been shouting at someone constantly the last
few days for breathing wrong or whatever the fuck it was that set him off lately.

“He’s been having a hard week,” Jin explained, with something akin to pleading in his voice.

“Haven’t we all,” Yoongi said coldly. He felt a tinge of guilt for his unsympathetic response
but only briefly. He knew his dads had discussed some details with Jungkook of what the trial
against his former stepbrothers would look like a few days ago and his brother had been flip-
flopping back and forth between sobbing like the world was ending and violent tantrums ever
since. More so than he usually did at least. Normally Yoongi could be patient and would try
his best to help alleviate the tension everyone felt but he’d already had one test this week, had
another on Friday and the past two nights he’d been awoken by Jungkook’s night terrors in
the early hours of the morning. Normally Yoongi wasn’t one to be overly concerned with
school but to guarantee his scholarship in the music program he had to uphold his GPA
average and thus was letting himself be burdened by academic pressure for once.

“I’m sorry, I know, we’ll talk to him once he’s calmed down,” Jin said.

Yoongi huffed and rolled his eyes, “I’m sure that will work,” he said sarcastically. Then he
stepped around Jin while Hoseok continued to waver. Passing by the staircase, he caught
sight of Taehyung who’d been clearly watching the situation unfold. Taehyung wasn’t
handling Jungkook’s meltdowns that well either and would trail after him or Hobi around like
a lost puppy while Jin and Namjoon were preoccupied with trying to tame the beast that was
their little brother.

“Want to get out of here?” Yoongi tasked him, digging his keys out of his pocket and jangling
them in front of Taehyung’s face.

Taehyung’s eyes went wide as if he didn’t think Yoongi would notice his presence. “O-okay,”
he stuttered.
He knew he and Taehyung probably hung out the least, just the two of them, compared to the
rest of their siblings. Tae just tended to get along better with Hobi and Jimin since he enjoyed
keeping up a constant stream of banter and Yoongi was often too quiet for him. Even if there
was never any bad blood between them, it still didn’t sit right with him that he and his
brother’s relationship was not as close compared to the others.

“Great, let’s go buy junk food at the new gas station near the school. I have to fill up my car
anyways.”

Thirty minutes and a small pile of diabetes-laced snacks later, Yoongi relaxed as he
succumbed to a sugar-crash in the gas station parking lot as the sun cast dying rays of golden-
orange light around them. The sky looked nice, there were some clouds that were painted
cotton candy pink by the setting sun and–

Yoongi winced as Taehyung loudly slurped up the last vestiges of his slushy.

“Do you have to do that?” Yoongi asked, annoyed.

“I’m done now,” Taehyung amended, putting the empty cup into the cup holder. He briefly
studied his tongue in the visor mirror which was dyed a sickly color from his blue raspberry
slushy, which was by far the worst flavor in Yoongi’s opinion. Then his younger brother’s
expression suddenly became grave. He laced his fingers together and also turned his attention
the sunset. The orange light on his profile and steepled fingers made him look like some sort
of ancient Greek philosopher. If it wasn’t for the fact they were forced to take refuge in a gas
station parking lot from their youngest brother and greatest burden, Yoongi would’ve laughed
at Taehyung’s abrupt mood change.

“People want to ignore the fact that plants produce more carbon dioxide than humans do,”
Taehyung blurted out. “And scientists say that we need to be halving our carbon dioxide
output by 2030 and be carbon neutral by 2050.”

The sun finally dipped below the horizon and the light no longer blinded their eyes. Only a
soft and slowly fading warm glow was visible in the distance. Yoongi flipped the car visor
back up now that it was no longer needed and drummed his fingers on the steering wheel.
“You can keep dividing a number by two, making it smaller and smaller and never get to
zero,” Yoongi replied eventually.

“Yeah,” Taehyung said. “Exactly.”

---

Jungkook shifted uncomfortably. Both Jin and Joon were attending his therapy appointment
with him. His heart was racing like a hummingbird. Therapy had become something normal
and routine in his life but having them here made it feel deeply uncomfortable and intimate,
like having people rummage through your personal belongings or read your diary aloud to an
audience. It wasn’t the first time they’d come but it was always as nerve-wracking and made
him just as self-conscious.
They’d attended some appointments in the beginning, half of his very first session and then
once he’d been going for a few weeks and had a couple meetings with Dr. Yung they came to
two more sessions to discuss ‘communication strategies’ and ‘common reactions’ he might
have. Once he was released from the clinic they attended one the following week as well. Just
Jin had come to another following the mall incident. For his first session of every week Jin
would always talk to Jamie privately first for fifteen to twenty minutes about how Jungkook
had been and what strategies and skills he’d done or failed to do. Now both of them were
here and given that it was a 10am on a Thursday it meant Namjoon had taken time off work.
So it was serious.

Apparently they didn’t think his current treatment was working so they wanted to ‘change
approaches’.

Jungkook was sitting pressed against the armrest on the right of the couch as tight as he
could, leaving a sizable gap between him and Jin and Joon.

“Jungkook we want to understand, sweetheart,” Jin was lamenting. “We can see you’re
hurting and angry and we want to help. But we can’t do that if you don’t tell us what’s
bothering you before it gets to the point where..it boils over.”

He risked a glance sideways where he saw Namjoon nodding in agreement. They were
holding hands and it bothered him that they needed that sort of support from each other right
now. He was so out of his mind that they needed to cling to each other and invade his
sessions with Jamie.

“I think it will be helpful to review what we went over when you first started coming here,”
Jamie began to talk now, “About ways to recognize your triggers and how to reach out when
you need help.”

He’d heard it all before. How his sadness or anxiety or anger were all ‘normal reactions’ to
‘what had happened to him’. How he was unable to find healthy outlets to release his
emotions, inwardly or outward. He needed to talk about what had happened to him. There
were too many eyes on him. Judging him. Analyzing him. No doubt Dr. Yung would hear
about this and then she too would start calculating what drug cocktail to try next. Jamie
started going on about some sort of cognitive behavioral therapy plan although he thought
that’s what he’d been doing this whole time. The specifics of it didn’t matter to him though
because he knew everything boiled down to forcing him to make ‘detailed narrative accounts’
about his traumas in the end.

The room was spinning.

“Why just talk about it?” he asked, a hysterical laugh bubbling out of his chest, interrupting
his therapist. “You all want to talk about it so bad? There’s videos of it! Why don’t we just
watch it together if that’s what you want!?”

Spittle flew out of his mouth as he screamed at them. He was now floating above Jamie and
Jin and Joon. He must’ve stood up at some point during his tirade. Namjoon’s eyes were red
rimmed and Jin was trying to put on a brave face but he looked one second away from
bursting into tears. He pulled at the roots of his hair and abruptly turned on his heel to pace
the side of Jamie’s office. He knew what was coming. Jamie would order him to put his
hands down and to stop hurting himself and then tell him to do stupid breathing exercises and
then-

“Jungkook we don’t…this isn’t to humiliate you. It’s to help you,” Namjoon said.

“It won’t help! I d-don’t want t-to t-talk about it!” He hated the angry tears that slipped down
his burning cheeks. “I can’t.” His arms dropped limply to his sides and he stood there
sniveling pathetically, rivulets of tears and snot dripping down his face. No one said anything,
so he just continued to stand there and cry but he couldn’t even keep that up for long because
he just didn’t have the energy. When was the last time he had a good night’s sleep? He
shuffled back over to the couch on weak legs and all but collapsed on it.

“I’m tired, I don’t feel good,” he croaked. Jamie thrust a bottle of water into his hands and a
box of tissues had materialized on the couch cushion beside him. He wiped off his
humiliation as best he could and chugged half the bottle, setting it on the floor and kicked off
his shoes so he could sit on the couch with his knees pulled to his chest. He rested his chin on
them as he stared in Jamie’s direction but enough to the left of her actual face that he could
avoid eye contact and her expressions were blurred and indecipherable.

“I don’t want to talk or record a video for the trial,” he mumbled.

He’d been doing every evasive mental-gymnastic maneuver for over a year to avoid what had
been happening and what had happened. He had turned himself off when hands and mouths
and other things started going places they shouldn’t and pieces of clothing were removed. He
talked about everything under the sun to Jamie except his stepbrothers. He avoided any
conversation that risked going beyond the shallows with Jin, Joon, and his brothers. Had it
been their plan all along to whittle him down until there was nothing left to protect him? Why
didn’t they care how scared he was?

“Jungkook-

Jin began.

“I’ve already lived through it,” Jungkook interrupted. “Why does everyone have to keep
reminding me about it?”

“No one is saying it isn’t difficult or unfair or frightening,” Jamie said.

He sighed and shook his head before hiding his face in his arms. He blocked out their voices
and refused to talk for the rest of the session.

---

“Can we go to Sonic and get milkshakes?” Jimin asked from the backseat.

“We’re supposed to be practicing driving,” Namjoon said.

“Yes and Taehyung will drive us there,” Jimin said.

“I haven’t done a drive through yet, it’s good experience,” Taehyung agreed.

“It’s not a drive through, it’s a drive-in,” Namjoon said.

“But I haven’t done that either.”

“All you have to do is park.”

“Great, then I should be good at it,” Taehyung said.

Namjoon sighed and he bit the inside of his cheek as he glanced at the time. They were
swinging by and picking up Hobi after his shift at Starbucks ended but that wouldn’t be for
another hour.

“Please?” Jimin begged.

“Are you trying to make me gain weight? My metabolism isn’t what it used to be,” Namjoon
said. His job was physically demanding, manipulating people’s bodies all day. Still, Namjoon
– and Jin for that matter – had noticed his body had become slightly softer recently. He’d
started to become a bit of a stress eater and hadn’t been maintaining his workout routine with
all that’d been going on.

Taehyung turned to him at the red light, eyes large and sympathetic. “I’m sorry you’re old.
But don’t take it out on us.”

“Hey!”

“You’re not helping Tae,” Jimin snapped. “Um, did you know they have a menu item for
dogs too, it’s called a pup-cup.” Namjoon glanced in the rearview mirror to see Jimin ruffling
Binky’s fur who panted contentedly. The dog couldn’t walk as much as he used to but Tae
was worried that maybe he got bored being immobile at home so they started bringing him
when they went driving.

“Fine-

Taehyung and Jimin cheered.

“But this is our secret. Don’t tell anyone, I don’t want to have deal with everyone else
whining that we didn’t bring anything back for them,” Namjoon said.

His sons agreed and Namjoon tapped in the address on google maps. It meant Taehyung had
to do a U-turn at the next intersection and Namjoon fought the urge to grip the door
nervously but he managed it smoothly. Once they arrived at Sonic and pulled into the parking
spot with the menu, Taehyung didn’t pull close enough to reach the button for the intercom.

“See he needs to practice this,” Jimin said. “I do too probably.”

“This isn’t going to become a regular thing,” Namjoon said firmly.

Taehyung reversed and tried again and managed this time. They mulled over flavors for a
while, with Taehyung eventually picking strawberry cheesecake, Jimin Oreo, and Namjoon
caramel and the pup-cup for Binky. He was relieved Taehyung was ordering because he
would’ve felt stupid for having to say the phrase ‘pup-cup’ out loud. Unsurprisingly
Taehyung held no embarrassment as he pressed the button and chirped out the order into the
microphone.

Namjoon felt wistful as they waited for the server to come out with their order. It actually
used to be a semi-regular thing for them, along with Jungkook, to come here when they were
on school break or celebrating some other milestone. All of them had gone through nearly the
entire menu but Jungkook had declared banana early-on as his favorite, ordering it nearly
every time. Jungkook had a lot of issues surrounding food these days that Namjoon didn’t
understand. If he were here now he would probably act like they were forcing him to drink
poison. As the server emerged with their tray of shakes, Namjoon banished the thoughts from
his mind so he could be present for the current moment, something his therapist was helping
him with.

He frowned as he inspected the item for Binky – it looked like vanilla ice cream with a dog
treat on top. “Is this really okay for him?” Namjoon asked Jimin.

Jimin shrugged, “I mean I guess so.”

“Hm. Well if he gets sick tonight I’m not cleaning it up.”

They moved on to chat about various topics, mostly pertaining to Jimin and Tae’s classes and
friends.

One of Taehyung’s teachers was going on pregnancy leave soon so they would have a long-
term substitute. Jimin’s science class had a student-teacher who was awkward and nervous
and supposedly also had a part-time job at Home-Depot. Sarah from dance team injured her
hip and had to go to physical therapy and Jimin wondered if she would go to the center
Namjoon worked at.

“Maybe,” Namjoon replied. “But all my patients are adults.”

After they were done, Namjoon ordered Jimin to ‘get rid of the evidence’ before they picked
up Hobi.

“And can you go inside and ask for a couple more napkins? The ice cream got all over
Binky’s fur.”

“Aye-aye, captain!” Jimin saluted before gathering their cups and marching towards the
establishment.

Namjoon watched his back as he trotted away. “About the other day,” he began gently as his
gaze shifted to Taehyung, “You weren’t really talking about carbon dioxide were you?”

Taehyung shrugged and slumped lower in his seat. “I don’t know.”

“Something’s been bothering you,” Namjoon pressed harder.

“Sure seems like I’ve been having a lot of deep talks in cars lately,” Taehyung commented.

Namjoon didn’t really know what that meant but he responded with a wan smile, “Too much
carbon dioxide in the house for deep talks?” Taehyung side-eyed him. Oh. “You know…you
know that our house is safe right? I know Jungkook is a bit...” What? Toxic? “..unstable right
now but we’re still trying to find a good medication for him.”

“I’m not afraid of him,” Taehyung said and his gaze shifted to look where Jimin had
disappeared into the doors of Sonic.

“Jimin’s afraid of him?” Namjoon asked, a stone settling in his stomach. It made sense. He’d
spent the first couple years of his life in a violent household and to this day remained
unnaturally skittish and nervous around raised voices and signs of anger. “Listen, we aren’t
going to let Jungkook hurt anyone. He’s only a danger to himself.”

“But why hasn’t any of his medication worked yet?” Taehyung asked quickly, cutting to the
point as Jimin re-emerged from Sonic with some napkins.

“It’s trial and error. I know it feels like it’s been a long time for you but it’s only been seven
months, which is the blink of an eye once you get older. He went through a lot and he’s still
our Jungkook even if he’s different,” Namjoon said quietly.

Jimin opened the door, “I got napkins!” he declared.

“Thank you,” Namjoon said, immediately switching his tone to something more chipper.
“Here, use this water bottle to wet them and wipe off Binky’s fur.”

He re-focused his attention on Taehyung but his son had also banished the sadness that had
been there and shifted his features back to something neutral.

“Alright, we have to go pick up Hobi. Jimin, it’s your turn to drive.”

Jimin shoved the dirty napkins into the pocket on the back of the driver’s seat. “I made a
driving playlist on Spotify the other day,” he chattered as he and Taehyung traded places.

At least Jimin seemed happy now but who knew what he and Taehyung talked about behind
closed doors. He made a note to keep a closer eye on him. He stole a glance in the rearview
mirror. Taehyung was petting Binky and looking out the window. His mask had fallen
slightly, indicated by the slope of the corners of his mouth and the small furrow of his brow.
Namjoon had told them before and they probably already came to the conclusion on their
own anyways that Jungkook was permanently altered by his trauma. Knowing that and
accepting it were two very different beasts, however.

It was something Namjoon was working through with his own therapist. His therapist told
him he needed to grieve for Jungkook’s lost childhood. Any parent wishes that their baby has
a safe and happy childhood but Namjoon had to admit and come to terms with the fact that
Jungkook was no longer a child but an adolescent and his childhood had largely been
 unhappy and traumatic. Nothing he could do would change that. It was a hard pill to swallow
and he easily got lost in the ‘what if’s’ of being able to adopt Jungkook when he was still a
baby. His therapist advised against such daydreams but it was just such a tangible
hypothetical that it was hard not to. And if he was an adult who had such trouble sorting it
out, he couldn’t imagine how it was for Taehyung and Jimin who were so young with a much
less-equipped emotional toolkit.

He watched as Jimin drove and hummed to the songs that he was blaring through the
speakers. He seemed happy right now but was it because he wasn’t at home since apparently
he felt unsafe there? But weren’t he and Jin doing all the right things? Family and individual
check-ins? Therapy or the option of it? And he had lied, it hadn’t been only seven months but
Jungkook’s whole life that had careened them to this moment. All their lives and all their
hardships. He hoped he understood Taehyung and Jimin’s worries a little better now.

Chapter End Notes

Thank you for your comments last chapter! It really cheered me up. I'm feeling better
now, it was just normal life things and nothing overly serious.

Please let me know if there are any mistakes in this chapter and let me hear your
thoughts if you have any!
 Chapter 26
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes

As Jungkook opened the cabinet to grab a mug, he came eye-level with one that read ‘Happy
Father’s Day’ painted in clumsy, thick lines to the point it was barely legible. It was some art
project Jungkook had done in the first or second grade. With five boys living in their
household, four of them adopted, and two ‘dads’, there were an embarrassing amount of
‘World’s Best Dad’ and Father’s Day mugs and other celebratory paternal paraphernalia.

Jungkook stared at his handmade mug with narrowed eyes. He felt bad for the younger
version of himself that painted the mug. That version of himself hadn’t understood yet that
they were just playing pretend. His so-called ‘parents’ had the audacity to think they were the
‘World’s Best’, that they deserved gifts from the poor, abused children they took in. Jin,
Namjoon and his brothers were so desperate to act like they were an actual family. What a
joke. What a fucking joke. It was the dumbest fucking joke to ever exist and Jungkook
certainly wasn’t laughing at it, instead his blood was boiling and his vision was turning red.
Pure unadultered rage filled every fiber of his being. Seizing the mug by the handle,
Jungkook turned and flung it across the kitchen where it shattered against the wall. He
rummaged further through the cupboard, grabbing every mug that had ever been a gift to Jin
or Namjoon by one of them, throwing them against the tiled floor one by one until it was a
minefield of ceramic shards.

Jungkook was heaving and the buzzing fury tuned out the worried voice that was calling his
name. The skin on Jungkook’s arms itched in anticipation as he regarded the sharp fragments
littering the ground. His fingertips twitched compulsively.

Then his focus was broken as someone looped their arms around his torso, pinning his arms
to his side as they dragged him away from the mess. Jungkook thrashed against the strong
grip and hurled obscenities, not winning the battle until the middle of the living room.

Jungkook squirmed free and whirled around to face a distraught-looking Namjoon.

“Jungkook?” Namjoon asked cautiously.

“I HATE YOU!” Jungkook screamed at the top of his lungs. He sucked in another breath. “I
WISH YOU WERE DEAD!”

Then he launched himself at Namjoon’s torso, pummeling his chest with his fists. Jungkook
regretted that he hadn’t grabbed one of the sharp mug fragments so he could shove it straight
into Namjoon’s stupid heart. As it was, Jungkook was much smaller and weaker and
Namjoon managed to fend him off pretty easily.

“Jungkook, Kookie, I need you to try and calm down, okay? Can you take some deep breaths
for me?” Namjoon pleaded as he held Jungkook’s wrists while he flailed uselessly.
Take deep breaths? Like a fucking breathing exercise would help after everything that
happened? They were terrible parents, they didn’t deserve any of the nice things they had.
They didn’t get it. They didn’t understand anything.

“You’re so fucking stupid! I hate you!” Jungkook shouted again, angry tears manifesting in
his eyes. “I hate you! I hate you! Let go of me!”

Surprisingly, Namjoon complied and Jungkook stumbled with the loss of support, his legs
buckling and knees hitting the rug with a dull thud. He hunched over and hid his face in his
clenched fists. He wanted out. Out of this body that no longer felt like his. Out of this picture-
perfect dollhouse his brothers and Jin and Joon so loved to play pretend in. Out, out, out. He
retracted his left fist and brought it back, smacking his forehead once, twice, three times in
quick succession before going to claw at the soft, sensitive hairs on the perimeter of his
hairline.

Namjoon shifted closer and gripped his wrists again, prying them away from his face
although Jungkook wanted to do to tear himself to shreds. Tears falling uncontrollably, a
short, frustrated scream bubbled up and managed to burst out from behind his clenched teeth.

He tried to thrash again and keep up a steady stream of curses directed at Namjoon but he
couldn’t seem to breathe properly and his tongue fumbled over words as sobs took over. The
red tinted vision of anger began to ebb as it was replaced with black spots and a dull but
pounding headache that had been his constant companion as of late. Unwillingly, he felt
himself sagging, his energy spilling out of him like rice from a torn sack. He wanted to keep
going, to make Namjoon understand how awful and terrible he was. He wanted to hear
Namjoon beg for his forgiveness. He didn’t want the concerned, pitying tone and
meaningless comforts.

Jungkook was still on his knees but Namjoon had released his wrists again so he was on all
fours where he could feel the carpet indenting an irregular pattern into the palms of his hands.
He heaved and tried not to collapse as his arms trembled with fatigue.

“There you go, keep taking deep breaths, just like that,” Namjoon coached.

“I…don’t…want…y-your..help,” Jungkook panted, hating how his voice wheezed and

creaked. His tongue felt as rough as sandpaper, like it was pieced together by dusty fragments
of the mugs he had destroyed. He was lost in a desert of ceramic sand. His heartbeat was
thrumming in his ears, headache pulsing in sync with it.

“Can you stand? Let’s go to my room, I’ll get you your medication. You can lie down.”

“..don’t want to…” He didn’t want fucking medication. Despite how dehydrated he felt, a
few more tears managed to roll down his nose where they plopped into the carpet without a
sound.

“Come on, Kookie,” Namjoon said, forcing him to his feet.

“Don’t fucking…touch me!” Jungkook snarled, his voice a fraction steadier as he regained
his breath even though his muscles were still buzzing with exhaustion.
“Jungkook, please,” Namjoon said, “Let me help you.”

He refused to go to their bedroom, but collapsed onto the nearby sofa, pulling his knees close
and shooting Namjoon the most venomous glare he could muster even as he began to shiver.
He felt a glimmer of satisfaction that Namjoon was teary-eyed and there was a slight tremor
to his hands. Good. Namjoon deserved to feel as miserable as him.

The noise had attracted Jimin who was the only other one home at the moment and Namjoon
instructed him to go fetch his medications from the safe in their bedroom. His brother
returned a short time later with several orange pill bottles. Of course Jimin was no longer on
Jungkook’s side either. His brother didn’t stay long but obediently handed Namjoon the
medication before slipping quickly and quietly away. Jungkook closed his eyes.

“Jungkook,” Namjoon began but Jungkook summoned the last vestiges of his energy from a
deep well hidden in the dunes of his despair. He lashed out, knocking the pill bottle from
Namjoon’s hand.

“I won’t let you!”

“Honey if you can calm down on your own you don’t need to take your medicine, but it’s
here if you need the help.”

“It doesn’t h-help! I don’t want it to…”

He didn’t want to become helpless and pliant. A drugged mess that Namjoon could
manhandle however he pleased.

Jungkook watched with wary eyes as Namjoon plucked the pill bottle from the floor and
placed it on the corner of the coffee table and raised his hands as if in surrender.

“See, look, I’m not going to force you to do anything. Just keep concentrating on your
breathing. You’re doing good.”

“My head hurts. I’m c-cold,” he chattered. When did he get cold? It’d felt like the Sahara
desert moments ago.

Slowly Namjoon stood up as if Jungkook was a cornered animal to fetch the blanket draped
over the back of the armchair. Soon enough Jungkook ended up cocooned in it and he was
thankful for the added layer between his skin and anyone who might want to get to it. Despite
his pathetic state, the intense rage wasn’t gone but just on low battery. He tried to convey that
to Joon who continued to hover around him nervously but he knew he wasn’t coming off as
threatening. Which made him more angry. Which made him more tired. A self-defeating
cycle. He would never win. He’d never even been in the competition. Anxiety medication or
not, his body and mind began to grow heavy as he attempted to stay in the protective ball he
had curled himself into.

---
Jin felt pieces of him break along with the dishware when he cleaned up the mess as he
realized exactly what it was. This wasn’t some misplaced outburst. It was intentional anger
directed at him and Namjoon, their family. Jin understood, Jungkook could be angry at them
all he wanted. It still didn’t stop his lip from wobbling and tears splashing onto the kitchen
floor as he carefully arranged the mugs into their respective piles. All of them had been given
to him and Namjoon as gifts, some even handmade, from their children.

Jungkook had destroyed them.

Jin separated them carefully, with the intention to try and glue the ones that seemed
salvageable back together later. He choked on a sob as he picked up a particularly large piece
that said ‘Dad’ with a wobbly smiley face painted to the side. Hobi had made this one in the
third grade. It was his first gift referring to them as his parents after he’d been adopted. He
carefully placed the broken handle of another, a light blue one, into a different pile. That one
had been from Jimin a few of Namjoon’s birthdays back. When he was done with the main
mess he moved to the corner where Jungkook had thrown one particularly hard against the
wall. The impact had shattered it into hundreds of miniscule shards and Jin didn’t think there
would be any fixing this one. He felt sick as he realized from the color of the dust that it was
the cup Jungkook had made when he was in elementary school. His class had an art day and
he had returned home with a giant smile, the mug, and a flat clay disk with his handprint in
the middle and name carved beneath. The fossilized handprint still hung on their bedroom
wall.

Jin sniffed loudly as he tried to stifle his tears. Yes, most of the cups could be fixed. He could
glue them back together and make sure all the pieces fit right. If only he could do the same
with Jungkook. Jin tried to fend off an overwhelming sense of hopelessness as he deposited
the sad remains of the clay mug into the trash.

Namjoon had said that Jungkook tried to attack him. He was scrawny, worryingly so, and
hadn’t yet hit his growth spurt so he couldn’t do much against Namjoon’s six-foot muscular
frame but there were still red scratch marks trailing along his husband’s arms. Jin was more
than willing to be a punching bag for Jungkook to take his anger out on - it was better than
taking it out on himself. Or his brothers. It terrified Jin, the possibility that Jungkook would
start lashing out at their other children. What if instead of the floor Jungkook had thrown the
mugs at Jimin? Or Hoseok? Or even Jemma or Binky? Namjoon had admitted with red-
rimmed eyes that Jungkook’s meltdown had frightened him. That it had been unsettling and
came seemingly out of nowhere. That it was different from his past breakdowns. More
destructive and angry. Already witnessing Jungkook’s other breakdowns was ugly and sad
but once again they’d somehow managed to reach a whole new level.

“He’s sick,” Jin stated.

“He’s dangerous,” Namjoon countered.

“He needs help,” Jin swallowed a growing lump in his throat.

“Isn’t that what we are trying to give him? We’re doing everything his therapist and
psychiatrist says and everything else we’ve ever learned from social services and medical
professionals.”
A silence lingered between them.

“What if it was one of our other kids he threw the mugs at and attacked?” Namjoon
continued, voicing the possibility Jin had been too scared to say out loud. “Jimin already has
a lot of anxiety around him.”

“Well it wasn’t,” Jin pointed out. “And Jimin isn’t exactly the bravest kid on the planet.”

“But it could be. If it happens again. We need to have a plan. Something.”

When it happens again is what his husband had actually meant.

He loved Jungkook so much. They both did. But if he had to pick between one of his
children’s health and safety versus four, well, the math wasn’t that difficult. Jin swept up the
final bits of remaining dust. He hoped it was part of the healing process. He hoped tomorrow
would be better.

---

“I’m going to formally diagnose Jungkook with Borderline Personality Disorder,” Dr. Yung
said.

There was a graveness to her tone that suggested she expected them to be shocked or tearful.

Luckily Namjoon had been preparing for such an outcome. Although a physical therapist
wasn’t considered an actual doctor by his parents’ traditional standards, he did indeed have
his doctorate and knew how to study like one. Moreover, he’d always been an avid reader and
every spare moment was spent tapping through web results or thumbing through the stack of
books he had bought on child psychology. Jungkook’s psychiatrist mentioned the possibility
of borderline personality disorder a while ago, saying that he met some of the diagnostic
criteria but it was still too early to know. Privately Namjoon had read up on it and kept his
own list of symptoms in his head that Jungkook ticked. He could probably go toe to toe with
Dr. Yung when it came to children’s psychiatry now and was going to suggest perhaps they
review his diagnoses again if she herself hadn’t brought it up. It was considered a difficult
thing to diagnosis and symptoms had to be present for a while but Jungkook was nearly a
textbook-perfect example:

Extreme emotional reactions.

Distorted self-image.
Inability to connect.
A persistent fear of abandonment and rejection.
Volatile mood swings without clear causes.
Overwhelming anxiety.
Self-harm, suicidal behavior, suicide attempts.

The majority of BPD patients reported having been sexually abused. It was comorbid with a
host of other mental illnesses including the diagnoses Jungkook already had; depression,
anxiety, c-PTSD.
“Will it make things harder for him the future though?” Namjoon asked.

Jin blinked. He hadn’t thought that far ahead yet. Frankly, to him, a formal medical diagnosis
didn’t mean all that much, just a label doctors made up to describe symptoms. Mental health
was still a relatively new science and parameters of their classifications always seemed to be
changing. And when they went through it with Yoongi the diagnoses had helped him hadn’t
they? Besides, Jungkook already was diagnosed with several other things what was one
more? Jin felt embarrassed about his naivety – they may just be labels but they could have
real consequences attached to them. He should know better by now.

Apparently Namjoon was asking all the right questions because Dr. Yung was making
unnerving eye contact with him and nodding, “It’s true that there is a lot of stigma
surrounding it and having it on his medical record may raise some eyebrows,” she said, “But
the research shows early diagnosis and treatment gives the best outcomes for patients like
Jungkook. ”

Patients like Jungkook. What did that mean? Children who were victims of rape? Who were
unstable? Violent? Suicidal?

Jin hoped Dr. Yung wouldn’t suggest switching therapists. It would be like starting back at
level one of a video game. And Jungkook had a good rapport with Jamie although he never
talked openly with her about the sexual abuse either. Jamie hadn’t pushed it to give him a
sense of control and apparently Jungkook still had enough trauma from other things filed
away to fill months of thrice-weekly, now twice-weekly, sessions. He had complexes about
his biological parents and their own family. He had a deep-seated fear of abandonment not
just due to the events of the past year and a half but from all the other times he’d been
shunted back and forth from relatives. Also, on top of the sexual abuse, Jungkook revealed he
had been bullied at his previous school. The school was rough and as long as knives weren’t
involved the teachers there did little to punish such behavior. It had made Jin shake his head
in disbelief and he couldn’t wrap his mind how just the other side of town was like a different
planet.

A million cracks in Jungkook’s self-esteem and confidence for his therapist to inspect and try
to patch up. Although they sent him to therapy every time he came back to live with them in
the past, it was always a shorter-term thing, two to three months at best. Jungkook had always
seemed to bounce back quickly so longer treatment hadn’t been deemed necessary at the time
and Jin blamed himself for the miscalculations.

He still wasn’t sure exactly how bad BPD was or to the extent it affected Jungkook. Namjoon
and Dr. Yung were already miles ahead of him based on the snippets of their conversation
that filtered through his racing thoughts. Jin tried to unearth the facts he had read up on it
when Dr. Yung first voiced her concerns about the possibility of it months ago. All he could
recall was a webpage that described perspectives flip flopping between black and white, all or
nothing, and a sense of self that was just as fragile. The idea of Jungkook’s emotions being
like dice cast on an uneven surface made him want to cry. How did Jungkook see himself?
Was it like a reflection fragmented and distorted by waves on a stormy day? Or maybe there
was nothing there at all.
Jin tried to tune back into the conversation before the waves pull him under too, but all the
jargon was making his head spin. Namjoon was talking about things like ‘emotional
regulation’ and ‘fearful-avoidant attachment style’ with a clinical air like he was the
psychiatrist. Dr. Yung was agreeing with something he said and there were a bunch of
acronyms being thrown around.

“Naturally, the next line of action would be DBT, right? Although I was reading up on NET, I
think that could also be helpful for him-

“Can..we..can we slow down for a second,” Jin asked weakly, interrupting his husband. “It’s-
what is that? MET?”

“NET,” Namjoon corrected. “Narrative exposure therapy. It’s in that book I read last month. It
helps patients craft a timeline and story for their life and is good for individuals with complex
and multiple trauma. But usually DBT is the standard treatment for BPD.”

“DBT? And that’s…?” Jin asked hopelessly, directing the question towards Dr. Yung. He’d
heard the term before and had a vague idea of what it could be but his mind was going blank
and it felt like he was propped up in front of an exam he hadn't studied for.

“Dialectal behavior therapy,” Dr. Yung said, speaking much more slowly and calmly than his
husband and Jin latched onto it. “It is generally the preferred treatment for those with BPD.
It’s a subset of cognitive behavioral therapy like Jungkook’s already been doing.” She paused
and let Jin gather his thoughts. The storm was calming down.

“Okay,” he nodded, “but why do you sound like you’re not going to recommend we try the
DBT?”

She gave him a wan smile, “I’ve discussed with Jamie and I think we should hold off on this
for the time being and try a different type of CBT since DBT is usually done in group
settings. Given his lack of engagement recently, it’s likely that he’ll be even less willing
around others. DBT requires the participant to want to commit to making positive changes. I
think it’s best if we return to the basics again for now.”

“Yeah,” Jin agreed, swallowing down the lump that had been building in his throat. Level
one. “Yeah.”

It made sense. If they could manage Jungkook’s anxiety disorders first, particularly the social
one, he’d be in a lot better shape to do something in a group setting. Clouds were parting, a
life preserver was being thrown to them. Maybe, it wasn’t level one but just trying again from
an earlier checkpoint.

“What I’m proposing heavily involves the caregiver in the therapy sessions,” Dr Yung
continued. “I would love to have you both involved but it’s common in couples only one
participates since the other works,” she explained gesturing at Namjoon.

“It’s true I can’t do it during work hours but I have my own therapist so if I can give him the
resources maybe I can follow along in my own way,” Namjoon proposed, back ram-rod
straight, a soldier reporting for duty.
 Dr. Yung nodded, “Like I said it’s common that only one participates due to logistics so of
course we will equip Jin with any information or tools he’ll need to relay to you.”

They spent forty more minutes hammering out the details of Jungkook’s new therapy plan.
Namjoon was clearly chomping at the bit to vomit out more medical knowledge but he
contained himself, finally picking up on that it only added to Jin’s stress.

Although Jungkook had already been doing some sort of cognitive behavioral therapy, with
his recent decline and new diagnosis they were going to do what was called Trauma-focused
Cognitive Behavioral therapy, or TF-CBT, although this treatment was more geared towards
addressing his c-PTSD and not borderline. It hopefully would do something to alleviate and
manage symptoms of both and there were a lot of similarities between the two diagnoses. To
be honest Jin couldn’t really wrap his head around what the differences actually were but of
course Namjoon seemed to be confident in that front.

Jungkook’s sessions would now be split in half, with forty-five minutes for him and forty-
five for Jin. After they completed a few phases of the treatment and built communication
skills outside of therapy, they would have sessions together where the goal was for Jungkook
to share his narrative and Jin to support him. It was a shame Namjoon couldn’t participate too
but they wouldn’t be able to get around his work schedule but they’d look at trying to include
him in the conjoint sessions in the future once they got there.

All in all, the TF-CBT cycle would take at least twelve weeks. They might have to make
some adjustments once they received the date of the video deposition since it was likely that
it would come sooner before the end of the treatment plan.

Next week they would begin what was called the ‘psychoeducation phase’ where Jungkook’s
symptoms would be explained and normalized. Jungkook had technically already done this
with his old approach but needed reminding. They could do it again and again until it stuck.
Until Jungkook knew with utter certainty nothing had been his fault and he had done the best
he could and that he and Namjoon loved him so, so much.

Chapter End Notes

Standard disclaimer that I'm not medical professional so don't expect this to be 100%
true to reality although I am doing a lot of research to make it feel plausible.

I really promise this is ultimately a recovery story with a happy ending even though I
keep beating you down with the sads! It takes time! Who knows how long this story is
going to be at this point and I hope you stay along for the ride!
 Chapter 27
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes

Jungkook watched from the kitchen table as Jimin and Tae sauntered into the kitchen.
Jungkook had been pretending to be busy studying from his math workbook, whittling away
time while waiting for someone to pay attention to him. He was bored. And lonely. He was
too scared to invite Mia over and Jin probably would be against it anyways.

“Does someone want to play the new Kirby demo with me?” he asked, mustering all his
courage. He’d decided that, fuck it, whether Jonathon had been the one to buy him the Switch
or not he was going to use it because he didn’t want video games to be ruined for him too.

Tae turned and briefly glanced at him. Jimin didn’t even look up from his raiding of the
fridge, jars and Tupperware clacking against each other.

“We’re busy Kookie,” Tae said. “We have a lot of homework. We just came down for a
snack.”

“When will you be done?” Jungkook pressed even though his mind was filled with they don’t
want to hang out with you, they’re avoiding you, they hate you.

“I don’t know Jungkook. We have a lot of tests and projects and stuff in the next two weeks
since it’s almost the end of the school year,” Tae supplied vaguely. Jimin was already on his
way out of the kitchen, two tangerines clutched in his hand. He hadn’t said a word, letting
Tae talk for him.

“Oh, okay.”

Tae hesitated a moment longer and it looked like he tried to give him a smile but to Jungkook
it looked more like a grimace. Then Taehyung hurried after Jimin and Jungkook noticed that
he hadn’t even grabbed any snacks for himself.

Tae sent a final glance over his shoulder so Jungkook quickly hunched over his school
notebook again, acting like he was working on a difficult equation although all the problems
were solved and the margins were quickly being overtaken by ink-smudged doodles.

He waited five more minutes before creeping up the stairs and crouching outside of Tae and
Jimin’s door. He hovered his ear as close as he dared and heard giggles from inside. He
couldn’t make out the exact words but it sure didn’t sound like studying. It was what he had
expected but it still hurt. Jungkook sat against the wall, posture slumping in defeat like a
marionette with cut strings and let the waves of hurt crash over him. He gazed down the
hallway past the bathroom and his bedroom to Hoseok and Yoongi’s door at the end. The
door was slightly ajar and it was dark inside. They’d been gone a lot lately. Also ‘busy’.
Jungkook only got up when Jemma came up the stairs, meowing at him. Not wanting to be
caught eavesdropping, he heaved himself off the ground, joints aching from his
uncomfortable position on the slightly worn carpet. His vision momentarily went dark and he
leaned against the wall to steady himself, scrunching his eyes shut and then blinking rapidly.
Once the black spots peppering his vision faded, he tottered back down the stairs, stepping
carefully so they wouldn’t creak, and perched on the couch to stare at the dark TV screen.
Playing the game alone didn’t hold any appeal for him.

---

“What should we do with them?” Jin asked his husband.

Namjoon let out a sigh as he surveyed Jin’s handiwork on the garage workbench. Jin had
managed to painstakingly piece the mugs back together with the industrial-strength glue he
had bought from Home Depot but one didn’t have to look too closely to see that they had
been shattered. In theory they could put them back into the cupboard and use them as they
had been but it felt…tarnished somehow. Awkward. Jin didn’t want to be reminded of
Jungkook’s outburst every time he used one, nor did he want Jungkook to be reminded of it
because his son was always embarrassed and ashamed of his actions after the anger wore off.

“I guess we could just put them in a box along with the other stuff,” Namjoon suggested.

It was infeasible to display every little thing their kids had made over their years, whether it
was a direct gift to them or just a cute art project drenched in nostalgia. They had boxes upon
boxes of these tokens from the past stacked on the shelves lining the garage.

“But I don’t want to do that,” Jin protested. “I don’t know.” The kitchen cabinet really didn’t
feel like the right place for them anymore. Hidden in a dusty box was even worse. He crossed
his arms over his chest as he surveyed the line of mugs, countless hairline cracks fanning out
on all of them. He realized he had subconsciously put them in order of his kids’ ages. The last
in the row was a somewhat misshapen cup from Yoongi – gluing it back together had done no
favors for the structural integrity – and it probably wouldn’t even hold liquid properly now
anyways.

“This one could stay in here as a pencil holder,” Jin suggested, gesturing to it.

Namjoon nodded. “Sure.”

The mug from Hobi, his first gift to them, had always been especially sentimental to Jin so he
decided to keep it on his dresser next to a glass jar where he gathered loose change. The jar
was almost full anyway. After more consulting, Namjoon decided to drill tiny holes into the
bottom of Jimin’s and Tae’s mugs and repurpose them into starter pots for transplanting the
offspring of his menagerie of leafy pets.

Jin stood straighter now, hands on his hips, and felt satisfied with the delegations. None of
their childrens’ things would get brushed off to the side or forgotten about. They could adapt
themselves to the situation.

---
There were two things about himself that took up more and more of Jungkook’s thoughts in
recent days.

First was his voice.

The other day when he was practicing a Billie Eilish song Jungkook noticed he couldn’t hit
any of the high notes with the ease he used to. His voice would strain before breaking in an
off-tune crack. It made him wince when he listened to the playback of his recording on his
phone. After that he decided to just practice his guitar, leaving singing behind.

It’s not that the change of his vocal chords was new or surprising, just more apparent. His
voice had been deepening since the middle of last summer. If his life hadn’t been how it was,
he probably would’ve been eager to lose his childish peal since his brothers had all already
gone through puberty and teased him about it. Even with his stepbrothers, at first Jungkook
had prayed for his voice to drop octaves nearly overnight like it had done with Yoongi and
Taehyung. He hoped once he became more manly he would lose his ‘appeal’. Luck was never
on his side, however, and his tenor developed gradually.

Jonathon, who had already been critiquing his eating habits at the time, became even stricter
as the change in Jungkook’s voice became more noticeable. His stepbrother continued to
make comments about his body more and more and explained to him that if he stopped eating
like a pig it would help to stave off puberty. He also ordered Jungkook to talk more high-
pitched when he was with ‘clients’. Thanks to Jungkook’s constant fear, his voice with them
always had a squeaky quality, masking any signs of growing older. By the end of it, Jungkook
was convinced puberty would turn him into a horrible, ugly monster.

His voice was one thing on his mind and his body was another.

Like his voice, he seemed to be destined for a slower and longer growth spurt and his limbs
were now just a bit too lanky for the clothes he had taken back from his father’s house in the
autumn. Even the garments that Jin had bought for him not long after his arrival were on the
verge of being outgrown. It didn’t matter that much since Jungkook opted for throwing an
oversized hoodie over what he was wearing anyways.

Today, however, he felt just a bit more..unseemly than usual and the sight of a few inches of
wrist peeking out from one his own shirts gave him a twinge of dysphoric discomfort deep in
his gut. A hoodie wouldn’t be enough, he needed all his layers of his clothing to fit properly.
He ripped off the black garment and dug through his dresser until he found what he was
looking for – an oversized long-sleeved shirt with horizontal black and white stripes. It was
actually a shirt of Tae’s that was lent to him when he was dropped back at Jin and Joon’s
possessionless but he had never given it back. He was about to pull it over his head when he
accidently caught sight of his reflection in the full-length mirror that was attached to the back
of his bedroom door. He generally tried to avoid looking at it but it was too late now.

Jungkook slowly rotated in front of the mirror. Taehyung’s shirt slipped from his hands,
forgotten, to form a soft pile on the floor. He stared into his eyes. Eyes that were too wide.
Eyes that made him look like a creepy insect. His nose. It was too big. It always had been.
Even before everything he had felt self-conscious about it. Around two years ago he had
confessed to Hobi that he thought his nose was ugly but his brother said it was cute and
assured him that he would grow into it. He didn’t really believe him then and he definitely
didn’t believe him now. His lips. Too small with front teeth that were too large. His teeth had
always been a topic of ridicule when they would make him open his mouth so they could-

Jungkook screwed his eyes shut but the prickly feeling that had been building up all morning
behind his eyelids turned into an outright forest-fire level burning and the tears finally
erupted out. They streaked down his face as he slowly sunk to the carpeted floor to sit on his
haunches. They would always start out by telling how cute he was, which was humiliating in
its own way but it got worse as they progressed to insults. Slut. Ugly. Slut. Ugly. Ugly, ugly,
ugly.

He’d put on so much weight lately and with hunching over on the floor he could feel the rolls
of excess skin and fat bulging everywhere, making him as misshapen as the discarded shirt
that lay in a rumpled heap by his toes. Jonathon wouldn’t like that. He’d get angry that
Jungkook was eating too much. Then the other people would know he had been lying about
his age. They’d get mad at him and do God knows what. His hands were cold and clammy.
Even the kids at school were going to make fun of him for being fat. They’d make fun of his
name and his foster family. They’d make fun of him for being stupid and a crybaby. His
stomach clenched and the queasy nausea was suffocating. He felt like he was rotting from the
inside out. His lungs would pop and only sludge would fill the extra space. Flesh would melt
off his bones and form a putrid puddle on the carpet.

Jungkook had been trying to be quiet about his breakdown because Jonathon didn’t want him
to cry at home since it could raise suspicion. Sometimes he had trouble differentiating when
the roar was all in his head versus external. Clearly he wasn’t being as silent as he hoped
because there was a rapid knocking at his door before it was flung inward. Jungkook flinched
instinctively and toppled backwards onto his bottom, narrowly avoiding getting hit in the face
while Tae’s shirt was swept to the side and out of sight. Taehyung’s shirt. Taehyung’s shirt?
What was Taehyung’s shirt doing here?

“Jungkook what’s wrong?”

Strong arms sat him up and even though Jungkook couldn’t bear to look he could tell there
were eyes on him, discerning every flaw on his bare torso. Jungkook sucked in a terrified
breath before launching forward and burying himself in the chest in front of him.

“J-j-jonathon!” he sobbed.

The person holding him stiffened. “I’m s-sorry!” Jungkook begged. “Please don’t be m-
mad!”

“It’s me Kookie, it’s Jinnie. You’re at our house now, you’re not back there anymore. No
one’s mad at you.”

“It’s not..I’m not..y-you’re not…” Jungkook tried to choke out the words past the rock
forming in his throat and the dizzying confusion.

“Can you look at me?” Look at me, look at me, look at me. They liked seeing him cry. He
knew they did.
Obediently he peeled his swollen eyes open.

“You’re not there anymore Jungkook. They’re locked away in jail and can’t get to you ever
again,” Jin said. “You’re cold, I’m going to grab you something to wear, alright?”

Jungkook nodded, his head bobbing clumsily. It could’ve been seconds or minutes or hours
or days until Jin handed him a different shirt and sweater from his closet. Hadn’t he grabbed a
shirt already? Where had it gone?

“Put these on, okay? Then we can go downstairs together and get some breakfast. How does
that sound?”

Jungkook just did his bobble-headed nod again. He was so tired. And so anxious. And so
tired of being anxious.

---

Jin observed Jungkook’s face as his son forlornly picked at his food, eyes downcast and still
puffy. Lips that were pouted into a frown. Jungkook always had had a naturally round and
soft face, obscuring any cheekbones and other facial definition that he figured would become
more visible with puberty. But lately? Now there was a growing gauntness to his cheeks that
had never been there before, that wasn’t suitable for someone of his age. Trauma was slowly
but steadily carving hollows into the sides of his face. Cherub cheeks which people often
teasingly cooed over were now growing slimmer and slimmer, in no way that could be
explained only by growth spurts and it terrified him.

Jungkook’s appetite had all but stuttered to a halt. Dr. Yung and Jamie said he had ‘disordered
eating’ rather than an ‘eating disorder’ but Jin wasn’t clear on what the difference was or if it
even mattered. It was much the same with his other diagnoses, particularly c-PTSD and BPD.
Jin couldn’t tell where one ended and the other began. He was never really a
compartmentalizer to begin with. Anyways, the fact was Jungkook had terrible self-image,
was self-destructive, and barely ate full meals anymore. He could hide his body all he wanted
under copious layers of baggy sweats but the fat from his usually round face was steadily
depleting and his wrists were thin and knobby. Seeing his bare torso and the scars criss-
crossing his arms on full display upstairs scared him. Jungkook wasn’t in a low enough
weight that it jeopardized his health in any major way but his ribs still shouldn’t be that
prominent. He’d been too thin ever since he came back to their house and he didn’t think they
ever managed to pack any extra weight on him since.

As impossible as it was to hide anything that he could use to cut himself with, that still felt
more manageable than making sure he ate enough. What were they supposed to do? Shove
food down his throat, then hold him still and cover his mouth until he digested it? The
mealtimes were long enough as it was, with Jungkook making sure to pick at his food and
take miniscule bites in the hopes they would lose their patience.

They’d started keeping Binky outside or in their bedroom at mealtimes so Jungkook couldn’t
slip bits of food to him when he thought they weren’t looking. As Jungkook continued to eat
less and less the rules they had to implement became stricter and stricter at the behest of his
medical professionals. One of them had to monitor his eating, requiring them to sit at the
table with him until his plate was finished. His doctor also suggested checking his pockets to
make sure he wasn’t stuffing uneaten food in there but for now that was a line Jin wouldn’t
cross, Jungkook was embarrassed and vulnerable enough with the food intake monitoring and
the regular checks of his arms for marks. Searching his pockets was a stones toss away from
essential patting him down, but Jin did find himself quickly turning the pockets of
Jungkook’s clothing inside-out to inspect for evidence before doing laundry.

There was victory to be found in the fact that Jungkook had never cut himself after his clinic
stay but wasn’t restricting food intake just another form of self-harm? A slower and less
direct route to what Jungkook had attempted back in January. Jin knew the statistics on eating
disorders and none of them were good. That wasn’t anything new though, the cards had never
been in Jungkook’s favor since the moment he was conceived. And he knew it wasn’t
uncommon for child sexual abuse victims or people with BPD to develop an eating disorder
in some form or the other. Jin took a deep breath to remind himself that Dr. Yung had given
no diagnosis yet and tried to find comfort in that no matter how hollow it felt.

---

“Can you pass the bread?” Hobi asked, directing the question to Jungkook, where the basket
of dinner rolls sat in front of him.

That was all the confirmation Jungkook needed. There it was, as clear as day. Jungkook
hadn’t even yet taken a roll for himself and now Hoseok wanted them. Because Hoseok
wanted him to starve. He shoved the basket in his brother’s direction, rocking the table and
knocking over various condiments and nearly Taehyung’s glass of water. His brother’s long
fingered hand shot out and rescued it just in time.

“Fine!” Jungkook yelled. “Just take them!” He ignored the fake-bewildered expression
Hoseok had plastered across his features, playing innocent for Jin and Joon. Abruptly
Jungkook shoved his chair back, the legs screeching against the kitchen floor before standing
up, prepared to stalk up to his room.

“Jungkook,” Namjoon said firmly, “Sit back down and finish your meal.”

If Hoseok wanted him to starve then Jin and Joon wanted him to get hopelessly fat.

“Leave me alone!” he shrieked before turning on his heel and marching towards the staircase.

He heard Namjoon calling after him but didn’t look back.

There was a second where everyone else didn’t say a word, frozen stiff to their seats in
surprise and confusion as Jungkook stalked off.

Then Jin gave a weary sigh, “I’ll go after him.” The heavy stomps of Jungkook’s footsteps
reverberated around the house, punctuated by the slamming of his bedroom door, making
Jimin flinch.“I don't want him here,” he piped up as Jin got up from his own seat.

“I’m just going to check on him and help him calm down,” Jin promised but his gut twisted
uncomfortably. One big characteristic of Borderline was that the person suffering from it
craved connection and meaningful relationships with others but due to a skewed view of
reality were often self-sabotaging in the process. And, well, if this wasn’t a perfect example
of that, then he didn’t know what was.

“Relationships are a large part of the cure,” Jamie had said to him once. How to even get
there? It seemed everyday there was a new issue or blow out that cropped up, ever widening
the chasm between Jungkook and his siblings. They could be forced to live together but he
couldn’t force them to get along.

Jin was interrupted from his spiraling thoughts by the sound of crashing from above, the
ceiling shaking minutely and then Namjoon was also on his feet and they were both rushing
to the source, leaving a tense and solemn dinner table behind.

If Jungkook shattering the mugs was Big Meltdown #1, Jin ended up considering this Big
Meltdown #2. Last time it had been mugs and this time it was words that left the most
destructive wake, which Jungkook had thrown at them like knives.

When they first got to his bedroom, out of breath and worried, they found him whipping
around his room, throwing and slamming any object he could get his hands on.

“Jungkook, you need to calm down,” Namjoon tried.

Jungkook screamed and threw a book at his wall. “I hate you!” He opened his top drawer and
slammed it shut as hard as he could. What if Jungkook had accidentally – or intentionally –
slammed his fingers doing that? Jin winced, imagining all the ways Jungkook could hurt
himself, sharp objects or not.

Jin tensed, his arms outstretched even though he was a few feet away as Jungkook’s actions
brought him closer to the laptop, the houseplant, and half-drank water glass on his desk.
Items that could do real damage to them or him if he got his hands on them. Namjoon clearly
thought the same thing because he moved quickly to stand in Jungkook’s path.

“If you don’t calm down and stop throwing things, I’m going to have to grab you because it’s
not safe,” Namjoon explained. “Remember what your therapist tells you to do when you feel
like this?” Namjoon continued.

“Fuck you!” Jungkook shrieked, walking up and shoving Namjoon in his chest, which didn’t
do anything more than make Namjoon plant one of his feet behind him for support.

“Kookie, let’s take some deep breaths together, okay?” Jin tried.

Jungkook’s head whipped around to look at him and his eyes flitted between him and
Namjoon a few times. He looked deranged. Feral. Like a trapped, wild animal. If Jin was
honest, some part of him was scared of the boy standing in front of him.

Jungkook turned back to Namjoon, “Go to hell you fucking faggots!” he screamed with pure
venom, giving Namjoon another shove.
Shocked by Jungkook’s words more than the strength of the push itself, Namjoon stumbled a
few steps back, his eyes wide and mouth opening and closing in shock. Jin felt sick. His skin
prickled with goosebumps and unpleasant memories swirled in the depth of his mind.

“Jungkook, I know you’re hurting but you cannot use language like that,” Jin said but even to
his own ears his voice sounded weak and wobbly.

Jungkook turned back to look at Jin, the hatred in his son’s eyes burning holes through his
heart and turning it to ash. “You disgust me. I wish you were dead.”

Jin sucked in a shaky breath that failed to calm his nerves. Namjoon’s eyes were red and
watery. The rational, adult part of him saw Jungkook’s energy bleeding out of him as he
wobbled on his legs and he braced himself against his dresser. The most physical and
dangerous part of Jungkook’s tantrum was already passing as his energy bled out of him.
Now he was resorting to his words to do as much damage as possible. And he and Namjoon
were letting themselves be hurt by it.

“I th-think we’re going to leave you to..to calm down now,” Jin said, assuming their presence
was now counterproductive, before turning around and marching out of the room. He could
hear Namjoon’s footsteps behind him. Namjoon shut the door with a gentle click. They stood
outside the door for a few long seconds, the only sounds being theirs and Jungkook’s still
audible ragged breathing.

Jin straightened and started making his way down the hall.

“Jin, that was…” Namjoon began, his voice tight.

“I know. He didn’t mean it.” Jin said. His words sounded hollow. “Let’s all just take a little
bit to cool off and then we can talk about it.”

Jin thought of Jungkook when he was a giggly toddler. He thought of his elementary school
years where he was shyer and quieter but still with a mischievous streak. He thought of the
sobbing middle schooler with bruises fanning out like purple spiderwebs across his face who
ran and hugged him when they picked him up from the hospital. He thought of the angry
teenager who was destructive to himself and everyone around him. He thought of his many,
many failures as a father.

---

Shortly after Jin and Namjoon left his room, Jungkook’s legs gave out as if his bones
evaporated and he collapsed onto the carpet, not having moved from where he had shoved
Namjoon. He curled up into fetal position on his side as the sobs started to make their
appearance. He tried to stifle them with his hand as one after another wrenched free from his
throat and shook him so bad that his entire body trembled. They were going to kick him out.
They were going to void his adoption. He was going to go to a group home. Or back with his
father. Or permanently locked up in a hospital. Jungkook didn’t know why he said those
things to them. He didn’t believe them. He wasn’t fucking homophobic. Jungkook didn’t
recognize himself anymore. He hadn’t for a long time. He felt like a stranger in his body and
mind. His thoughts and emotions betrayed and confused him. He was afraid of the person
he’d become. No one loved him anymore, if anyone ever had to begin with. Jungkook cried
harder.

He heard his door open. Had they come back to tell him to start packing his suitcase? Did he
even have a suitcase? A set of socked feet approached him softly. They crouched down in
front of him.

“Jungkook?” Yoongi asked cautiously, his voice quiet and distant like Jungkook was trapped
in a different reality where there was a stifling fog between them.

A pale hand came into his line of sight, holding something, and through the tears and distress
Jungkook could see they were tissues. Still laying on his side, Jungkook took the offered
Kleenex and used them to try and hold back the torrent of water that poured from his eyes.

“Just let it out, Jungkook,” Yoongi said, his voice deep and calm.

“I d-didn’t m-m-mean it,” Jungkook gasped in between sobs.

“Once you calm down you can just talk about what happened and everything will be okay,”
his brother said.

Jungkook decided Yoongi hadn’t even heard what he had said to Jin and Joon. Because then
he would know it wouldn’t so easily be solved or forgiven.

“I d-d-on’t w-want to l-leave,” Jungkook cried.

“You’re going somewhere?” Yoongi asked, alarmed.

“Th-they hate m-me now.”

“Who hates you?”

“J-jin and J-j-joon. And Ho-hobi and Jimin and and-”

“Hey, stop that, no one hates you,” Yoongi interrupted.

Yoongi was lying. His dads left because they hated him. They were pretty much the only
adults he had known besides his social workers that were actually adults. Like, they had their
shit together. And now they didn’t know what to do with him. They didn’t want anything to
do with him. A countdown had been steadily ticking towards this moment ever since he was
shoved back into their home after his stepbrothers were arrested.

“I n-need to uh-apologize,” Jungkook said. He tried to stand up but Yoongi blocked his way
and placed his hands on his shoulders, keeping him on the floor. “M-move I need to..I need to
t-talk to-to them.” If he said sorry now maybe they wouldn’t kick him out. He would still
have a home. A family. “I-I n-need I need-

“Hey Kook, let’s just stay here and breathe for a moment. I promise Jin and Joon will forgive
you,” Yoongi said in his deep, calm voice. “I think they just want a moment to themselves.”
“No, no. You don’t know what..what I said. I need to say I’m sorry. I really really really need
to!” Jungkook was practically begging now.

“It’ll be okay Kook, they’ll forgive you, it’s really not a big deal,” Yoongi assured.

It was a big deal. Yoongi didn’t want him to get the opportunity to apologize. Yoongi hated
him just like everyone else. He was done for. Jungkook folded like a house of cards, arms
looped around Yoongi’s neck as he fell against his brother.

“I’m s-s-sorry, sorry. I’m sorry! I’m, I’m I-

He started to bawl, unable to form any more words. It was so exhausting and his body was
cramping at the exertion he was putting it through but he couldn’t find it in himself to stop.
He thought of the relaxation techniques Jamie had helped him established. Playing guitar.
Singing. Drawing. Petting Jemma. Breathing in slowly and exhaling even slower. All of those
things were so far out of his reach. Like the time he went to a local fair with his brothers and
he’d accidently dropped his cotton candy in a fountain but when he instinctively went to grab
it, it dissolved and vanished before his fingertips. He was as fragile as spun sugar and
couldn’t manage the most simple of coping mechanisms. Hopeless, a lost cause.

His mind must’ve been playing tricks on him because he thought he felt someone prying him
away from Yoongi’s embrace. And he thought that person was Jin who looked so worried.
The Jin-like figure helped him take his medication and get him ready for bed. He tucked him
in like he was five and placed a kiss on his forehead. But it couldn’t be true because
Jungkook was terrible and Jin and Namjoon hated him now. His brain had decided to craft a
reality for itself that was more palatable, just like when he’d disassociate in that fucking room
where everything bad always happened.

---

The next day Jungkook was refusing to get out of bed which wasn’t anything new but he
usually ended up complying eventually. Today it seemed like a losing battle. Although last
night had been the Big Meltdown #2, the whole week had been a string of bad days for
Jungkook and it was more important than ever that he go to his therapy appointments. Jin
steeled himself, standing in Jungkook’s doorframe for the third time that morning. He tried to
make his voice firm but empathetic. “Jungkook? Sweetie? I know you don’t feel well but-

“Go away,” Jungkook rasped.

If Jin couldn’t bring Jungkook to therapy, he’d bring the therapy to him.

“Jamie agreed to meet with you virtually, so you can stay in bed if you like but you’re going
to have to talk with her.”

“I don’t want to,” Jungkook said, his already-hoarse voice breaking on the last syllable. Jin
frowned and entered the room. He tried to respect Jungkook’s space and privacy when he was
feeling so vulnerable but now he got closer and peered down at Jungkook’s curled form. Uh
oh. The throatiness and flushed skin probably wasn’t just from crying. “Let me feel your
forehead, baby,” he coaxed gently.
Jungkook rolled over, albeit reluctantly, so he was facing Jin’s direction. He pulled the
blanket more tightly around himself as he did so. His eyes remained closed and scrunched
slightly as Jin put the back of his hand to his forehead.

“You feel a little warm,” Jin said. He moved his hand up to card through Jungkook’s hair.
“Sweetheart, you should’ve told me you felt sick.” He latched onto the false hope that maybe
Jungkook’s mood had been more aggravated and unpredictable all week because he had been
coming down with something.

“Mm,” Jungkook groaned.

“Do you feel nauseous at all? Does anything hurt?”

“Jus’ tired,” Jungkook mumbled. “Cold, I guess.”

“Okay Kookie, I’ll go get you some water and another blanket,” Jin said sympathetically.
“I’ll let Jamie know you’re sick and can’t make the appointment.”

Jungkook grunted in response.

Jin hurried downstairs and went to the safe in their closet to rummage around for the Tylenol.
Ever since the laxative incident way back, they locked all the medicine in it, no matter how
harmless it seemed. He pocketed two Tylenol before carefully placing the blister pack of pills
back. He paused on his way out of his and Namjoon’s bedroom to call Jamie and let her
know Jungkook was sick – physically sick – and couldn’t talk. She sounded concerned but
wished him well and told him they could schedule appointments outside of his regular
timeslots if he needed it. He thanked her and hung up, eager to get back to Jungkook.

He hurried to the kitchen and filled a glass with water and snatched the fluffiest blanket in the
living room on his way towards the staircase. Although he had left the door open earlier, he
knocked gently a few times to announce his presence as he re-entered.

“Here Kookie, I got you another blanket,” Jin said, draping it over Jungkook after he placed
the glass of water on the nightstand.

“Hm,” Jungkook acknowledged sleepily. “Where’s Jemma?”

“I don’t know, Kookie, but this is her favorite blanket so I’m sure it will summon her.”

“Okay,” Jungkook sighed.

“I know you’re tired but can you sit up real quick for me and take some medicine and drink
some water? It will help you feel better.”

“I don’t want medicine,” Jungkook rasped, sounding a bit more alert.

“It’s just Tylenol, I promise,” Jin was quick to assure but his mind was spinning webs for
every worry to get caught in. No wonder Jungkook was sick, he was constantly stressed,
having a hard time adapting to his newest diagnosis, borderline underweight and there were
still side effects from his regular medication he had to deal with. His immune system must be
in overdrive all the time. Jin just hoped whatever he caught would be out of his system
quickly, mildly, and wouldn’t spread through the rest of the household.

Jungkook’s eyes finally peeled open and he stared sightlessly in the gap between where Jin
crouched by his bedside and the nightstand. “It’s just Tylenol,” Jin repeated, his voice barely
a whisper.

Then Jungkook groaned, and pushed himself into a sitting position. The action caused the
blanket to fall from his shoulders, where Jungkook was only clad in the oversized sleep T-
shirt Jin had dressed him in the night before.

Jungkook hesitated another few moments before taking the pills offered to him and winced as
he swallowed them down with a gulp of water.

“Is your throat sore? I think we have cough drops somewhere,” Jin asked.

“S’fine,” Jungkook mumbled, lying down again and pulling the blankets to his chin.

“I’m going to get you something else to wear.”

Jungkook’s mouth stretched open in a yawn. “Okay.” He seemed less timid than he had the
rest of the morning so Jin decided to count that as a win.

Jin turned away and strided to the closet on the opposite side of the room from the bed. The
doors opened with a creak and he pushed a few hangers to the side until he located a soft-
looking black hoodie. It was way too big to be Jungkook’s, even for that ‘oversized’ look he
knew was fashionable among the kids these days and upon closer inspection he realized it
was one of Namjoon’s old things. He didn’t know when Jungkook had nicked it from their
closet but there was a glimmer of something sweet but sad in his chest at the thought that
Jungkook must’ve taken it because it made him feel safe or comfortable. It bolstered his
fragile confidence - Jin could and would take care of him. He would nurse him back to health
and make sure he had all the vitamins and warmth and love he ever needed.

“Here sweetheart, put this on,” Jin coaxed, returning to Jungkook’s bedside.

“Quit botherin’ me,” Jungkook groaned, but complied nonetheless, emerging one more time
from his blanket cocoon.

“I know, I know, I'm sorry, I’ll let you rest now,” Jin chuckled. “But I’ll check on you again
in a little bit. Let me know if you need anything.”

“Mmh,” Jungkook agreed, already back under the covers. He’d pulled up the hood as well
and his bony fingers tightened the drawstring.

Jin leaned over and pressed a kiss to his head, on top of the hood, before standing up and
leaving. On his way out, he nearly tripped over Jemma who was padding around the
doorframe. He looked back as she trotted into the room and jumped up onto the bed and
kneaded the blanket before curling up in the crook of Jungkook’s knees.

---
After Jin left, Jungkook fell into an uneasy but much needed nap for three hours. He woke up
feeling disoriented and stuffy, blinking in confusion at the bright sunlight that filtered through
his window and illuminated Namjoon’s plant that still sat on his desk. He stretched out his
stiff legs, causing Jemma to perk up and start purring. He fumbled for his phone. 1:00 pm. He
sighed. The headache was still there but a lot better than it had been last night or in the
morning.

Jungkook pulled his knees to his chest and shifted around on his mattress equal parts wishing
that Jin would come and check on him and stay away. The memories from last night were
coming back to him, filling him with shame and fear. Five minutes passed with no indication
Jin was coming and Jungkook mustered up his resolve to go find him. He would apologize.
The thought that Jin was upset with him from the things he had said threatened to collapse
the fragile house of cards his heart stood on.

He dragged the extra blanket Jin had brought up earlier and wrapped it around his shoulders
like a protective cloak. It made him feel a little childish, like how he used to tie towels or
other cloths around his neck and pretend he was a super hero or a hobbit going on an
adventure to fight evil. He didn’t dislike the feeling and if anything it made the urge to go
seek out Jin and make things right even stronger.

He padded downstairs while Jemma remained behind on his bed, disgruntled that Jungkook
had snatched her favorite blanket but too lazy to actually follow him. His footsteps slowed
near the bottom of the staircase where he could see the back of Jin’s head from where he sat
on the couch, doing something on his laptop. Before he could say anything Jin turned around
and caught his eye.

“Kookie, you’re awake! I was just about to come check on you. How’re you feeling?” Jin
asked. The sincerity made Jungkook’s heart swell a little with something warm and needy,
making the precarious foundation it balanced on just a little more stable.

“Sick,” Jungkook said shyly, his nose stuffy.

“Too sick to play video games?” Jin asked, holding up the switch controller.

Jungkook wavered for a second, a half-formed apology still on his tongue, before a nervous
giggle burst out from his lips. The feeling and sound was so unfamiliar to him that he nearly
startled. Jin smiled back at him and waved the controller in the air again.

“Okay,” Jungkook finally agreed and padded over. “Can we play the new Kirby demo on
Switch? There’s a two player mode.” he asked with an almost desperate edge. He waited with
bated breath for Jin’s answer, he knew his adoptive dad was uncomfortable with how he had
acquired the device.

Jin’s expression nor voice betrayed any misgivings or residual anger towards him as he gave
a warm smile. “Sure.”

Maybe Jungkook still wasn’t quite happy and there was the anxiety that he had to apologize
eventually, but he felt safe and warm pressed up against Jin’s side as he pulled up the game.
The game even coaxed a few more giggles out of him when his character would eat and turn
into ridiculous objects. When he sucked in a vending machine and used it to shoot soda cans
at enemies, Jin burst into his strange high-pitched laugh that made Jungkook giggle even
more.

He would never admit it but he thought Jin, while maybe not cool, was fun. All of his friends,
or former friends he supposed, complained about their dads and thought they were
embarrassing. Jin could be embarrassing as well but he did it intentionally, with self-
awareness that made the lame dad-jokes actually funny. And he liked video games and was
good at them although he did set time limits and rules for him and his brothers.

Jungkook sank deeper into the couch as they beat the final boss in the demo and the title
screen reappeared.

“Want to play Smash?” Jin asked.

Jungkook shrugged unenthusiastically. Jin took the hint and turned the TV off.

“I’m sorry,” Jungkook eventually mumbled.

“I know. I accept your apology and I’m sorry I left you when you were so upset.”

“But..but I was the one who made you upset.”

“Maybe,” Jin said, “But I know you didn’t mean it and I’m too old to let myself get wound
up by things like that.”

“I didn’t mean it,” Jungkook quickly agreed. “I didn’t. I don’t think like that about..about you
or Joon or anyone else. I promise.”

Jin was silent for a moment and Jungkook risked peering up at him. Jin’s jaw was working as
he chewed his thoughts.

“I know,” Jin said, “I know that you don’t actually think like that but I also know a lot
of..men..hurt you and I can understand if you’re afraid of us sometimes when you aren’t
feeling the greatest.”

Jungkook’s stomach swooped uncomfortably. “I’m not afraid of you!” he fumbled for a way
to make Jin understand. “And..and there was a woman too once!”

Immediately Jin’s expression twisted into one of disgust and Jungkook knew he had said the
wrong thing. His head was pounding. Before he could try and justify himself further with
fever-and-anxiety induced shakiness, Jin wrapped his arm around him and squeezed him
tight. “I’m so sorry, Kookie.”

He didn’t know if Jin was repeating the same apology as earlier or he was talking about
something else now. Either way, Jungkook let himself sink into the embrace and his words he
still wanted to say melt away. Maybe their whole family wasn’t conventional but Jin was his
dad in some way shape or form and didn’t move as Jungkook allowed more and more of his
weight to lean against him as he grew more tired. He yawned and let his eyelids droop shut.
He could stay right here forever, tucked against Jin’s side, sleepy, fuzzy, and peaceful.
 Comfortable and cared for with sunlight streaming in through the windows and the faint
tinkle of Namjoon’s wind chimes that hung in the backyard providing a gentle, familiar
lullaby.

Chapter End Notes

Hi, thank you all for you comments on the last chapter! Sorry for the wait but this
chapter is a bit longer than usual to make up for it. It's not that I don't have a lot written,
I've just been having trouble figuring out when/where to put certain scenes but I finally
created an outline I'm somewhat satisfied with for the progression of the next 6 or so
chapters.

EDIT: Yikes fixed a lot of spelling/grammatical errors.

 Chapter 28
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes

1 year ago

Jungkook shifted uncomfortably on his chair during dinner. Jonathon had…spanked..him the
other day. Like he was an unruly toddler. He’d never been spanked before but was certain it
had been much harder than you would spank a child which you shouldn’t even do in the first
place.

“Jungkook what’s wrong? You keep moving around,” his father asked, his brows furrowed
and the fork speared with greasy meatloaf halfway to his mouth.

“Oh, um, uh, I slept funny. My back hurts,” he mumbled. He could feel Kevin and Jonathon’s
eyes on him.

His stepmom nodded sagely. “Sleeping might’ve hurt it more but you know the root of those
problems always lie in your posture. You should do posture checks when you’re at school.
For example, anytime someone raises their hand you ask yourself ‘is my back straight’?
That’s how I learned to stop slouching. Good thing too since I sit all day at work. I’d be a
hunchback by now if I hadn’t been careful.”

“Okay, I guess I’ll try that,” Jungkook said although if he did he would certainly would have
to find a different reminder than a student raising their hand. At Pinewood no one did that.
Class participation took the form of students randomly shouting obscenities or other
unnecessary interruptions. Summer break was starting in just a couple weeks anyway.

His father snorted, shaking his head, “Back problems already, guess you’re just like your old
man.”

Jungkook smiled weakly. He personally thought he always took after Jin.

“By the way, are you flipping your mattress? You should turn it around once every few
months,” his stepmom added.

“I didn’t know that,” Jungkook replied mechanically.

“Ha, Kevin sweetie, remember when you were young you also had similar problems. I
recommended you to try the mattress flipping trick and you thought I meant flip it over
instead of turn it around? You were complaining that it hurt even worse! He slept on his box
springs for like three weeks!” she laughed.

“Johnny didn’t even bother to correct me, he liked seeing me suffer,” Kevin joked back but
Jungkook wondered if the statement held a deeper and darker truth. Their relationship was an
enigma to him but the less he knew, the better.
“It was funny,” Jonathon shrugged innocently.

“So try that too Jungkook - but the right way - and I bet your problems will be gone by the
end of the month,” she said.

“By the way mom,” Jonathon, deftly and subtly shifting the attention away from Jungkook as
he was always so good at, “I was at the store the other day and saw there was a discount on
those iron-cast pans you wanted, maybe it could be good to take a look this week.”

“Oh, thank you honey, I’ll have to swing by after work some time.”

“Maybe go to tomorrow just to be safe, I didn’t see how long the sale would go on for,”
Jonathon said.

Jungkook felt queasy.

“Good idea,” Mari replied.

“Once we get those pans, maybe we can save up for an air fryer.” his father added, “That’s
how you know you’ve made it in life, when you get an air fryer.”

“It would make cooking so much easier,” Mari agreed. “This oven takes years to heat up. I
swear it’s getting slower every time I use it.”

The dinner conversation carried on with equally mundane impersonal topics and Jungkook
made sure to not let any more of his discomfort show.

Regardless, the next day Jungkook found himself standing trial in front of Jonathon in his
stepbrother’s bedroom while his dad was still at work and Mari was probably shopping for
discount iron-cast fucking pans and air fryers. Kevin was nowhere to be seen.

“Take your pants off,” Jonathon ordered. “And lay face down on the bed.”

Jungkook knew by now that that included his underwear. He hurriedly slipped off everything
below his waist, cheeks heating up in shame. He laid down and hid his face in the comforter.
The bed dipped as Jonathon sat down on the edge of the bed.

“You should’ve told me you were hurting,” Jonathon said gently.

“It’s fine,” Jungkook whispered.

“This ointment should help,” Jonathon said and a second later Jungkook flinched as a cool
hand applied the cream to his sore bottom. He’d looked in the mirror the other day and knew
it was covered in blotchy purple bruises. Now they were probably fading to garish greens and
yellows. He sniffled and pressed his face harder into the blanket.

Jonathon was being gentle but he was rubbing his hand way longer than necessary over his
skin. He continued the circles as if Jungkook would find it soothing. Jungkook curled his
fingers into the fabric of his comforter. The bedframe creaked as Jonathon finally removed
his hand and lay down on his side, facing Jungkook.
“Come here baby,” Jonathon cooed.

Jungkook reluctantly turned on his side so their faces were only inches apart. Jonathon
craned his head forward and kissed away the tears on his cheeks. Jungkook’s face scrunched
in disgust but he didn’t pull away. Jonathon shifted a bit closer and his lips enveloped his
own. His stepbrother shoved his tongue down his throat and Jungkook fought not to gag. Did
he really think Jungkook liked this? That he was in love with him? The messy, one-sided
make out session went on for several minutes, Jonathon’s hand moving to the back of his
head and tangling in his hair. Jungkook didn’t resist in any way but he didn’t really do
anything either, just held stock-still with his mouth parted slightly.

“I love you, Jungkook,” Jonathon said, peering into his eyes after he finally broke away.

“I know,” Jungkook said hollowly.

“I don’t like punishing you,” Jonathon continued.

“I know.”

“And I hate sharing you to those guys, but we really need the money.”

“I know.”

“And I couldn’t spend much on you before but I’m going to open an account for you. I’ll put
some cash from each job in there. You can use it when you’re older.”

Like that made it better. Like he wanted reminders of all the hand jobs and blowjobs given
and received with strange men in their cars in abandoned, late-night parking lots.

“Okay.”

“Listen, we have an opportunity to make a lot more money soon. Maybe even starting next
month,” Jonathon continued. “There’s a project I’ve been involved in for a while that I think
you’d be great at.”

Jungkook felt his body turning to ice. What now? How could it possibly get worse? Why did
the universe have to rip him away from Jin and Joon and his brothers and Binky and Jemma
and…and his friends and even his old school. He’d been happy. Maybe he could’ve been
happy here too if it was just him and his father.

“It might be a lot but that was one of the reasons I had to be so harsh the other day,” Jonathon
continued, his hand sliding back down Jungkook’s side until he squeezed the sore skin on his
still-naked bottom. Jungkook winced. “But we’ll get rich. You’ll see.”

“Okay.”

A couple more tears trickled from his eyes, bleeding into the mattress. He would never get
out alive from the web his stepbrother was weaving.

---
 Present

“Dinner’s ready!” Jin called out.

Instead of the chit-chat and pitter-patter of many sets of feet - and paws - that normally
greeted the announcement, the house was silent and cold. Only Namjoon sauntered in after
half a minute.

“Can you get the boys? Where are they?” Jin asked.

“They’re at their friends’ places tonight,” Namjoon replied.

“What? All of them? Which friends?” Jin asked, skeptical. He knew Hoseok was working on
some English project with classmates this evening but besides that he had expected a full
house. How did he not know that none of the kids were home except Jungkook?

“Tae and Jimin texted me barely half an hour ago. They’re at Jordan’s house. Yoongi actually
picked up a last minute shift at work.”

“Dance team Jordan? Or the one Tae’s in band class with?” Jin asked.

“I don’t know. I thought we only knew one Jordan.”

“No,” Jin corrected. “There’s three. There’s also basketball Jordan, Yoongi’s friend.”

Namjoon shrugged hopelessly. “Well anyways that’s where everyone’s at.”

“And Jungkook is upstairs?” Jin continue, defeated, even though he didn’t need the
clarification.

Namjoon’s mouth twisted and he studied the pattern on the granite countertop. “Seems like
our kids aren’t around much these days.”

Of course Jin had noticed how his sons, even Yoongi who was a bit more of a homebody,
were frequently out of the house. It was natural that as they got older they became
independent but he knew it wasn’t only because of that. They’d had more family meetings
and explained how they should tell them if they felt neglected and also impressed that
Jungkook needed the extra care right now. They shared Jungkook’s basic therapy plan and
perhaps in the later sessions they could have a couple appointments altogether as a family.
They imparted any educational information they thought could be useful. Despite all their
efforts, there’d been a lot of short tempers lately, not just from Jungkook but his brothers and
shamefully himself as well.

Jin hunched back over to the pot of stew which was rapidly losing its appeal to him. Minutes
before it had seemed hearty and flavorful and comforting. In the past he would’ve been over
the moon at the chance to have a quiet dinner at home with just him and Namjoon, and
technically Jungkook, but now it felt hollow.

“Well then I'm not cooking tomorrow, we’re just having leftovers,” Jin said in a clipped tone
but his voice turned wobbly by the end of the sentence. He stirred the ladle around in the pot
as he tried to contain himself, pieces of carrots, celery, steak and potato bobbing up and down
in the thick broth. For a society that was growing increasingly isolated as people spent more
time interacting with their phones than actual human beings, Jin prided himself on good old-
fashioned family dinners where the only entertainment was talking and there wasn’t a screen
in sight.

He sensed Namjoon approach him from behind and felt his strong arms wind arms around his
torso. His husband rested his chin on his shoulder.

“It smells delicious, love,” Namjoon breathed into his ear, trying to console him. Jin sniffled
and clenched his jaw as a tear plopped into the stew.

“Let’s just eat,” he said, damming his tears back up. “Can you fetch Jungkook?”

“How about I sit down with him later when he eats?” Namjoon said carefully. “He would’ve
come down by now if he wanted to join us. And you seem stressed.”

“Of course I’m stressed! Everyone in this household is stressed!” Jin snapped, whirling
around and causing Namjoon to stumble back against the sink in surprise.

“Okay,” Namjoon said, blinking dumbly.

“I’m sorry,” Jin apologized immediately.

“It’s okay,” his husbands eyes were soft and sympathetic. “Let’s just enjoy the meal.”

Jin acquiesced and together they set a lonely table for two. Various efforts were made on
Namjoon’s part to start conversation and while Jin appreciated it, his mind was elsewhere.
One half worrying about whether or not they could convince Jungkook to eat enough later
and the other about the rest of their kids. The stew was nothing more than sawdust-flavored
oil in his mouth. Namjoon lapsed into silence after a few failed attempts to coax words out of
him and the only sound was the clinking of their spoons against their bowls. After they were
done Namjoon reached across the table and held Jin’s hand for a long moment. He squeezed
back. At least they were in this together. Eventually Namjoon’s hand slid away from his. His
husband stood up and took both their now-empty bowls with him.

“I’ll go and try to get Jungkook to come down,” Namjoon’s voice said from behind him as he
rinsed the dishes in the sink before depositing them into the dishwasher. His husband came
up behind him again where Jin was still glued to his chair and planted a kiss on the top of his
head “And I can wash up in here, why don’t you go relax?”

“No,” Jin refused, shaking his head. “I want to be busy right now. I can wash the dishes and
keep an eye on Jungkook while he eats.”

“Alright, if you’re sure,” Namjoon said. “I’ll fetch him and then I'm just going to fill out
some patient charts in the living room. Holler if you need something.”

Namjoon usually made a point to not take work home with him but he’d been coming home a
bit earlier these days, deferring the paperwork aspect of his job to be done at odd times
around the house when he could still keep one eye on Jungkook.

---

Jungkook made sure Jin knew he was unhappy as he ate his stew, being careless with his
silverware and letting it clank noisily on the dishware and spill more than a few drops of
broth onto the table. He exhaled angry huffs between bites. Jin didn’t force his siblings to sit
like a prisoner at the dinner table.

“May I be excused?” he asked in a mocking tone once he was mostly finished.

“Yes you may,” Jin said, the tightness in his voice a telltale sign that Jungkook had
accomplished his mission of getting on his nerves.

“Great,” Jungkook spat out the sarcasm-laced word, getting up and dropping his plate into the
sink with a loud clatter, not rinsing it off and placing it in the dishwasher like he was
supposed to. He turned on his heel and beelined for the small guest bathroom. His hand
hadn’t even made it to the door knob before Namjoon, who could see him from the living
room couch, warned, “Jungkook, remember, thirty minutes until you can use it.”

Jungkook clenched his jaw in anger, his vision reddening. Did they want him to piss all over
the floor? What did they think he was going to do in there? Cut himself? Throw up? If that
was what they were worried about, he certainly didn’t need a bathroom to do it. He’d show
them. He marched back the way he had come, through the living and to the kitchen where the
screen door opened up to their small porch leading to the garden. He flung open the sliding
door, ignoring Jin’s voice calling out to him. Jungkook went outside where he promptly
leaned over the wooden railing, shoved some fingers down his throat and vomited into the
bushes. He panted, eyes streaming before turning around to glare defiantly at Jin.

Rather than being angry like he expected, Jin’s face was a mask of shock and pure horror, his
eyes rapidly filling with tears.

“Jungkook…oh my god…” Jin croaked out.

It wasn’t the reaction he’d been hoping for, he wanted someone to go toe to toe with him in
his rage. Jungkook felt himself starting to deflate, his anger rapidly being replaced with
confusion and a deep sense of shame. He stared at his feet uncomfortably. Anything to avoid
the terrible, sad expression on Jin’s face.

“Guys?” Namjoon called cautiously from the doorway, hearing the commotion but unsure of
exactly what had transpired.

Jungkook wrapped his arms around his middle and looked away.

“Namjoon can you deal with him right now? I just…I can’t. Make sure he eats something.”
And then Jin whirled around, storming back inside.

Jungkook felt his insides shrivel up and die. Jin was disappointed in him. Jin didn’t want to
be around him. And it was all his fault. The spike of self-hatred shanked Jungkook in his
chest and twisted painfully. Why was he so stupid? What had he expected to accomplish? He
risked a glance up at Namjoon who looked more bewildered than anything.

“Oh..uh, okay,” Namjoon said even though Jin was long gone. “Come on back inside,
Kookie,” he added gently.

He was guided back to the kitchen chair he’d been stuck in just minutes ago as Namjoon
puttered around the kitchen. He didn’t see Jin again but heard the jangling of Binky’s leash
and the closing of the front door, the resounding thump a bit louder than it usually would be.

“I’m sorry,” Jungkook whispered as Namjoon heated up a can of tomato soup.

“I know, it’s okay.”

But it wasn’t okay. Everyone hated him. Jungkook hated himself. He didn’t know what to do
or why he was like this.

“I don’t…I don’t feel like myself,” Jungkook confessed in a croaky voice, heat building up
behind his eyes. Did he even have a ‘self’ anymore? Could someone with a literal personality
disorder have a ‘self’?

Namjoon turned to face him. “That’s why we’re going to the therapist and the psychiatrist.
They can help you feel like yourself again. It just takes time,” Namjoon said.

But Jungkook had been going for months and months and he felt like he was getting worse.
Crazier. It wasn’t working. And Jungkook didn’t know how much longer he could go on like
this.

A steaming bowl of tomato soup was placed in front of him. It was from a can and looked
artificially red. If Jin’s homemade stew had felt like shoveling stones down his throat, then
surely this wouldn’t be any better. He didn’t try to put up a fight this time as he spooned the
broth obediently into his mouth, even as his tears dripped into it. He was still half-crying by
the time he scraped the bowl clean, little sobs escaping from his mouth on his exhales.

“Oh Kookie,” Namjoon sighed softly. “Come join me on the couch.”

Eventually Jungkook ended up laying on his side with his head cradled in Namjoon’s lap as
his dad ran fingers through his hair. Jungkook brought his arm up to clutch the material of
Namjoon’s pants by his knee, worried he would float away if he didn’t ground himself. He
rubbed the soft fabric between his finger pads.

“It’ll be okay,” Namjoon murmured. “Eventually you’ll start feeling better. I promise. I love
you. Jin and I love you so much.”

“Jin hates me,” Jungkook said, shoving his sobs down so they could detonate in his throat
instead. His stomach churned. He felt nauseous. There was still an acidic burn lingering in his
throat and nasal cavity from when he threw up.

“That’s nonsense. He’s just stressed. You know how he gets when he’s stressed,” Namjoon
said patiently.
“But he’s stressed because of me,” Jungkook argued.

“Maybe, but we both know it’s not your fault. You’re trying your best. You take your
medicine and you go to your appointments and you’re usually good about eating your
meals.”

“What if Jin doesn’t come back?” Jungkook asked.

“He’s coming back, he’s just taking Binky for a walk.”

But what if he didn’t? Or what if in the future he left and didn’t return? And what if Namjoon
did the same thing? Judging by the silence of the the house, his brothers were already
beginning their exodus.

---

Jin took the next session to chronicle every last one of Jungkook’s mood swings and
meltdowns from the last month and his own reactions to them in the least-biased way he
could manage. Jamie commented here or there but generally let him talk uninterrupted even
though only the most recent incident with the vomiting was news to her. For what he now
considered Big Meltdown #3, Jin was glad that the kids had all been out of the house even if
it validated the fact that the risk of Jungkook’s meltdowns was the reason they were out of the
house. Jin was still in shambles about the whole thing and his behavior towards Jungkook in
that moment. He had tried to take Binky on a walk to relieve some stress but the geriatric
canine was so fucking slow it was hardly a satisfying outlet and it had only added to his
frustration. Even that night when Namjoon tried to talk to him about it he’d been snippy.

He almost wished Jungkook was sick again – physically sick – which was a pretty fucking
horrible thought. Jungkook had gotten over his stomach bug or whatever it had been after a
couple days but it seemed the fatigue from the illness had mellowed him out in a way his
medication couldn’t. Jungkook had been sweet and cuddly and affectionate for three whole
blessed days before retreating back into his angry and unpredictable persona.

When Jin finished his tirade, nearly out of breath, he dared to ask, “Do you think..do you
think he needs to be hospitalized again?”

Jamie pursed her lips. “No. I think it should always be a last resort. His eating habits, while
they’ve gotten worse and what you just told me is concerning, he has been opening up a little
about them and some other things which likely caused or exacerbated his food troubles which
I told you about last time.”

Jin nodded, his skin crawling at the memory of Jamie recounting Jungkook’s confession. Of
how Jonathon would force him to strip so he could examine his body. That he would hurt or
threaten him if he thought he had put on any weight. That on most days Jungkook could
barely stand to look in the mirror because he was afraid what he would find.

“He’s making progress in some important areas. He used to refuse to talk about anything,
whether it concerned his abuse or not, that happened when he lived with his biological
father,” she reminded. “And one of my main focuses right now is to try and de-vilify food
and eating with him. I’m hopeful we’ll see some improvement in that area soon.”

Hope just didn’t feel like enough for him right now. Jin’s lip wobbled. “Everything is just so
hard.”

More than anything he was frustrated with himself. Jin found himself failing to do a lot of the
things at home that Jamie was practicing with him in therapy. How he couldn’t get a grasp on
Jungkook’s moods or actions. It was one of the most alien symptoms, how Jungkook
struggled to understand his own emotions, much less those of his family. How he sometimes
refused – or was literally unable because of his illness – to understand to anything he,
Namjoon, or his brothers said. How he misinterpreted their love and concern. How he
weaponized their own anger against himself and let it blow his fragile self-esteem around like
a tumble weed. That destructive Jungkook in the throes of the deepest recesses of his mental
illness was foreign to him.

“I feel like I’m messing everything up, like every strategy and tip makes so much sense here
but then rational thought escapes me in those dark moments with him and I get so
overwhelmed and it all comes out wrong,” Jin explained. “I’m scared I’m just making him
worse.”

“That’s exactly why we are doing this,” Jamie said. “So you can learn how to not be
overwhelmed. And it’s important what you are doing - you’re not making him worse. You’re
doing the work. You’re admitting your mistakes and learning from them. You keep showing
up no matter how bad it gets. These are the exact things Jungkook needs modelled for him
right now. He’s so afraid everyone is going to give up on him or abandon him and you’re
proving that wrong by being here and wanting to do better.”

Jin suddenly found himself teary-eyed. It was the exact sort of sentimental pep talk he needed
to hear. “You’re good, you know that?” he chuckled weakly, wiping at his eyes.

Jamie laughed amicably. “Anyways, to go back to your question about hospitalization, we

can certainly discuss it more with Dr. Yung at the next appointment with her. However, she is
generally the same opinion as me. One of the problems with hospitalization – and there is
quite a few – is that it comes with no small degree of a sort of…infantilization,” she
explained. “While Jungkook is a minor and with or without his disorders he needs adult
caregivers, we want to keep him functional and have him begin developing the skills to live
independently like other peers in his age group do during this time. I’ve seen a lot of cases
where although the hospital environment can reduce some patients’ anxiety and provide
structure, they often regress emotionally and then have an even harder time adapting back to
the outside world. Hence, they relapse not long after release because it’s too hard for them to
cope. We want to avoid going down that path of chronic hospitalizations.”

Jin nodded. It made sense even though he kind of disagreed with Jamie’s interpretation of
Jungkook being ‘functional’. Sure, he could get himself dressed and do his homework and
accompany Jin on his errands and very occasionally engage with his brothers in a healthy
way. But there was so much out in the world waiting for him. He should be with his friends at
school and doing extracurriculars, not spending his youth isolated and lonely in their house.
“I know you said he’s functional,” Jin began, “but I really think he would be happier if he
were back in school. He always did well there and especially thrived in his sports. He was
one of the best players on his soccer team and his best friends were all his teammates. Those
social outlets could be good for him.”

“Our times almost up but I think next session we should revisit the materials on expectation
management,” Jamie suggested gently.

Jin felt his eyes start to burn again. “Okay,” he agreed, his heart growing heavy in his chest as
he tried to find remnants of Jamie’s inspirational speech from earlier to grasp onto.

---

Jungkook picked at the calluses on his fingers he’d developed from guitar while he waited his
turn with Jamie. He liked the way guitar made his fingers ache. It soothed him. It had been
even better before he started developing the thick skin on his finger pads. Because Jin and
Joon had even hid the nail clippers from him, he couldn’t remove them so easily but he still
tried and it’d become an anxious habit to gnaw on his fingertips to get to the tender skin
underneath. He’d probably chew half his hand off if he wasn’t careful.

The door to Jamie’s office on his left opened and Jin emerged. Jungkook’s eyes darted up
before zipping away again. Jin’s eyes were slightly reddened. Jungkook dug his stubby
thumbnail harder into the callus on his middle finger. The calluses were stubborn, however,
and he turned to picking at the skin around his nail beds, dutifully avoiding any more eye
contact.

“Hey Kook, you’re up,” Jin joked as if it was a sport and now it was Jungkook’s turn to bat.

He couldn’t think of how to reply to that so he wordlessly stood up and shuffled into Jamie’s
office.

Once safely inside, he perched on the edge of the couch, anxiety thrumming through his
body. Jamie studied him for a moment.

“Jungkook do you want to go through some of our calming techniques?” she asked.

He realized he had been bouncing his knee up and down and his fingers were still clawing at
one another, desperate for skin to peel off.

“I, uh, I fucked up again,” he said ignoring her suggestion but forcing his hands to relax
palm-up on his thighs.

“What happened?”

“I know Jin already told you,” he said, trying to keep the venom out of his voice.

“Yes, but I want to hear your side too,” Jamie replied.

Jungkook scooted back so he could slouch against the couch cushions. His left hand moved
to scratch at the velvety texture. “I, er, threw up the other night after dinner.”
A silence ensued. Jungkook tangled his fingers together again.

“On accident or purpose?” Jamie pressed.

“On p-purpose. But not because, like, I didn’t want to eat or anything,” he clarified quickly
although he couldn’t say whether that was true for certain. It just took up a smaller portion of
the reason. “I was just angry at him I guess. But I’m not now.”

“Why were you angry?”

“Because he – they – Jin and Joon I mean. I don’t know. It’s just like they want to control
me.”

“Like how Jonathon controlled you?”

Jungkook gulped and nodded. His eyes drifted to the arm rest where a worn pillow rested.
There was a lot of stray threads poking out of it thanks to his subconscious worrying even
though it had a been perfectly nice pillow when he first started doing therapy here. He
suspected Jamie would put it away and only pull it out for his sessions because it was
probably bad manners to have a half-destroyed pillow for her other patients to look at it. He
snatched it and held it to his body and began to attempt to undo the stitch he’d begun picking
at last time.

“Let me ask you this, Jungkook,” Jamie said, “What do you think Jin and Joon’s intentions
are? And do their intentions matter?”

“I know. I know they want to help me. It just sometimes doesn't feel like that. A lot of the
times it doesn’t feel like that.”

“Does it bring up memories for you when they do something you perceive to be controlling?”

“Kind of. I mean it’s more like I’m afraid Jonathon will find out. Like it’s not a flashback or
anything. I guess sometimes it is. But Jin and Joon make me do things that are the opposite of
what Jonathon would have wanted so it makes me feel like he’s able to know this somehow.
And then I’m afraid, um, when I - when I go back up to my room or something Jonathon will
be there sitting on my bed…waiting for me.”

He must sound so crazy.

“Would he do that when you were living with Junghwan?”

Jungkook didn’t know why but he preferred it when adults just referred to his biological
father by his first name when talking to him rather than ‘his father’.

“Y-yes.”

The development of Jonathon waiting for him in his bedroom hadn’t really started until a few
weeks before the police rescued him, right when eighth grade started. Jungkook would come
home from school more days than not and the house would be dead quiet, everyone else at
work but Jonathon would be there sitting in his chair or on his bed in the darkness like some
villain of a shitty movie. He didn’t understand his stepbrother’s intentions because Jonathon
wouldn’t hurt him or anything. He had to take all his clothes off and turn in a slow circle for
inspection but that was it. Maybe it had been an intimidation tactic or he was looking to make
sure his injuries were healing and there weren’t any new self-harm scars that would be in
risky areas.

“You know that’s one thing Jin and Joon have in common with him,” Jungkook said. “None
of them liked this,” he said gesturing to the area of his scars on his right arm. Immediately he
brought his hand back to the pillow, looking for purchase on new loose threads with
increased intensity. He wasn’t sure if Jamie was following his train of thought. Whether or
not she did, she nodded.

“So do you feel the same emotions when Jonathon would do this compared to when Jin and
Namjoon check you for self-harm scars?”

“I – I guess so, yeah. I mean I was scared of Jonathon’s reaction but mostly he was just
annoyed at it. I’m actually more scared of Jin and Joon because I know seeing my…uh…
hurts them. It still does even though I haven’t done it since…well yeah,” he finished lamely.
It was only a weekly check now but the shame and fear when Jin would ask him to pull up
his sleeves would linger with him the rest of the day.

“I think it would be helpful for us to establish some more ways to help you reframe your
thoughts around eating and self-harm. You’re projecting Jonathon’s intentions and the
emotions you felt then onto Jin and Namjoon now. We need to retrain your brain to recognize
that Jin and Namjoon care very deeply about you and their actions are rooted in love.”

“What do you think Jonathon’s actions were rooted in?” Jungkook asked.

“I don’t know him so I can’t say for certain, Jungkook,” Jamie replied. “As we’ve discussed
before a lot of people are addicted to the feeling of power abuse and assault gives them. But
whatever Jonathon’s – and Kevin’s – reasons it certainly wasn’t love even if he or the both of
them claimed that to be the case.”

“What if he believed it to be the case though?” Jungkook pressed. Jonathon was manipulative
but Jungkook thought it was wrong to attribute every last one of his emotions, actions and
words to this. “Maybe that was his version of love.”

“Even if he believed it, it didn’t excuse his actions and the things he did aren’t the things
someone who loves you should do or say.”

This was all getting too philosophical for him. “So, what, because you have a degree in
therapy or psychology or whatever you get to make up the definitions for emotions?” he
asked sarcastically. For a moment he worried he had been too rude even though he had
screamed at her before. Thankfully Jamie seemed amused by his comment and let out a
chuckle.

“I need patients like you to keep me humble,” Jamie said. “You’re right Jungkook, it’s not up
to me decide who loves or doesn’t love who or what love even is because it takes different
forms for everyone. The point is he was cruel to you and it won’t be healthy for you to think
of it as love even if it was his version.”

“It’s just,” Jungkook’s eyes started welling up. “He told me he loved me sometimes. I never
loved him but I believe he believed it. Isn’t that what p-ped-pedophilia is?” He unwound a
loose thread on the pillow’s corner until it snapped.

“Hm,” Jamie said slowly, the corners of her mouth pulling down into a frown. “It’s true that
pedophiles cannot control the fact that they are attracted to minors. But it’s not an excuse to
act on it. And - not to argue about definitions again – sexual attraction doesn’t equate love.
What your stepbrothers did went way beyond the parameters of pedophilia. There are
actually many adults with pedophilia who manage to control their urges and live productive,
fulfilling lives. It’s not a curse that guarantees you will hurt others.”

Jungkook gave up at picking at loose threads and instead squeezed the sides of the pillow like
it was a stress ball.

“When you say it like that, pedophilia sounds easier to deal with than what I have,” Jungkook
said.

“You mean your Borderline diagnosis?” Jamie clarified.

Jungkook nodded.

“Despite the name of it, it’s not something that is tied to your personality or personhood,
Jungkook. There is evidence of structural and functional abnormalities in your brain that are
treatable,” Jamie said patiently. “I actually hope they will change the name of the illness
some day because it carries a lot of negative connotations for many and a ‘personality
disorder’ does sound like something permanent. But a lot of people end up not meeting the
criteria for the disorder after treatment and many even end up going off all medication too.
It’s actually one of the only personality disorders that can have such a promising prognosis.”

“But all this treatment takes too long!” Jungkook burst out. “I think everything is going okay
for a couple days and then something happens or even nothing happens but I do or say
something and then everyone is mad at me and hates me.”

“I know it’s difficult that there isn’t some miracle pill you can take once and, poof, it’s gone.
But I think if you continue treatment you will see some of the benefits of the illness.”

“Benefits?” Jungkook scoffed. “Like what?”

“I’ve treated quite a few adolescents with this disorder and I’ve told this to each one - that if
you drop someone with Borderline in a foreign city they’ve never been in, by the next day
they’ll have found a place to stay, food to eat, and people to help them. People with
Borderline often pick up a lot of skills while navigating life with this disorder, making them
highly adaptable, observant and quick-thinking among other traits. I already see some of
these characteristics in you. So throughout treatment we can work on highlighting those and
subtracting out the harder parts.”
Jungkook chewed the inside of his cheek and stared at his shoes. They were nice words but
he still couldn’t help but think there was a lot of empty, or at best ambiguous, promises
behind them.

“I…you know I never told anyone or asked anyone for help about what was happening when
I lived with my father. I guess I just adapted to the situation,” Jungkook said.

Jamie nodded.

He felt himself grow frustrated, she wasn’t getting it. “But that wasn’t a good thing!” he burst
out. “If I had just told Audrey or Jin or Joon or even my father what was happening they
would’ve done something! And then the rest of those kids could’ve been helped sooner too!”
Adaptation had meant he’d become some doormat pushover shell-of-a-human-being.

“Jungkook,” Jamie said, “They had a lot of power over you. Physically, emotionally,
financially, and more. Your stepbrothers were manipulative and had a lot of experience in
knowing how to ensure you or any of their other victims didn’t reach out. It wasn’t your fault
that you didn’t seek help and you are not responsible for their actions against any other
children. You were scared and hurting but you adapted so you could survive. I think that
makes you a very strong person.”

His eyes were burning. “Okay,” he said in a croaky voice.

Jamie arched an eyebrow at him.

“I agree with you,” he acquiesced.

Agreeing with her was a compromise they had landed on fairly early on in his therapy
sessions. In the beginning she had wanted him to repeat any affirmations she gave like ‘it
wasn’t my fault,’ but not only did he find that somewhat cringey, it ignited a deep feeling of
fear and self-disgust in him. Jonathon and a lot of others ordered him to say things about
himself. Humiliating, degrading things. Even if Jamie was sincere, repeating a statement
about himself someone had given him left him with a deep discomfort. So they settled on
agreement.

Jamie tapped her pen on her clipboard in an even rhythm, her foot bobbing up and down with
the beat. “You know Jungkook, I also see a lot of Jin in you. In the ways you both word,
analyze, and process things.”

“Is that a good thing?”

“To me it is,” Jamie said.

Jungkook hugged the pillow to his chest, his cheeks heating up a little, “I agree with you.”

---

There was a light rapping of knuckles on the door. Taehyung blinked a few times to ease the
strain from pouring over his Statistics study guide. He sat back, his chair giving a slight
squeak, and pushed his glasses further up the bridge of his nose. He knew the rhythm of that
knock. His brothers wouldn’t really bother to knock anyways.

“Yeah?” he called out.

“Hey,” Namjoon said opening the door and slipping inside before shutting it behind him.
“Are you busy?”

Yes he was but considering his dad had already closed the door behind him, Taehyung felt
like he didn’t have a choice in the matter.

“What is it?” he asked swiveling lightly from side to side in his office chair.

“I gave a copy to Jimin earlier but I didn’t see you,” his dad said holding up a small stapled
packet of papers in his left hand. He paused for a second and Taehyung sensed he was
waiting for him to explain where he had been.

“Okay,” was all Taehyung said before letting it drop back into flat silence.

“Um, anyways,” his dad continued, “It’s some information from Jungkook’s therapist about
his diagnoses, particularly his Borderline diagnosis since I know it’s not the most common
thing out there. Knowledge is power - the more you know the less foreign his behavior will
seem.”

“You’re giving me homework on Jungkook’s health?” Taehyung asked.

His dad nodded eagerly, either not detecting or choosing not to read into Taehyung’s flat tone.
“I think it will be good for all of you, to understand him a little better.”

“Will there be a test?” This time his sarcasm was apparent even for Namjoon.

“Tae, honey, what’s wrong?” his dad asked, face morphing into concern.

He fought to not roll his eyes. It’s not like he didn’t have finals coming up and a million
things to do. The last thing he needed was more work. And to be perfectly honest, he wasn’t
that interested in understanding Jungkook because he doubted his brother was going to be
made to extend the same courtesy.

“Just stressed,” Tae mumbled.

“I know you are, but soon it will be summer and you can relax a little,” his dad said.

Sure, there wouldn’t be school work but having to spend even more time in Jungkook’s
vicinity wasn’t exactly what he would call a vacation, especially if his dads wanted to take
advantage of his free time to force them to try and bond.

“Listen,” Namjoon added, “I know it’s hard for all of us but it’s more important now than
ever to show kindness to one another. And I don’t want to ask anything more of you but I
think Jin would really appreciate it if you..showed him a little bit more warmth.”
If there was anyone Taehyung was willing to cut some slack and extend sympathy to it was
his dad that had to deal with his little brother day-in, day-out.

“Yeah,” he agreed lamely. “I’m, um, going to be home all week anyways so I’ll be here for
dinner and stuff. Gotta study and everything so…”

“I’ll let you get back to it,” Namjoon said nodding at the array of study material Taehyung
had spread out on his desk. He added the packet of papers to the stack of textbooks on the
corner.

His dad left and Taehyung let out a sigh, fighting the urge to chuck the papers into the waste
bin.

Instead he grabbed them and scanned the first page out of morbid curiosity if nothing else. It
wasn’t the first informational handbook his dads had thrown his way and probably wouldn’t
be the last. It seemed to be a bit different then the last one, there was a summary written by
Jungkook’s psychiatrist on the front.

People with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) are usually resilient and intelligent, but
they can be vulnerable to a host of internal and external factors. As a personality disorder,
BPD individuals tend to have unstable identities. Therefore, the individual may make a plan
in one particular mind frame or mood, and then find difficulty going through with it because
they unconsciously migrate out of that state of mind into another one that is not congruent
with the mindset that made the plan.

Dissociation is a part of this cycle. It's a constant phasing in and out and it’s common for the
individual to have gaps in their memories following a dissociative state. Disassociation may
look different from person to person. While commonly believed to be similar to ‘zoning out’,
some may experience states resembling psychosis where they are distressed, causing them to
cry out or even hurt themselves.

As such, it's very important that the BPD individual stays grounded to present reality. This
can be accomplished in many ways and teaching skills to help them stay grounded is a
fundamental part of therapy. This can look like simply using the 5 senses in the moment, not
necessarily all at once. For example, naming 5 things within your vision, or 4 things you are
touching and their textures, 3 things you are hearing, etc. This exercise helps bring the mind
back to the present, or current reality and pulls the individual out of ruminating thought
patterns. BPD patients usually have other diagnoses such as depression. Some have reported
feeling like they are in a normal or stable mood only 20% or even less of the time. Many
describe their internal state as having an overwhelming sense of emptiness.

On a more personal note, after treatment of many adolescents with this disorder, I feel that
it's a condition of someone who is born very sensitive and intelligent and then encounters
significant trauma, neglect and/or abuse. Research supports my opinion and experiences,
although it is true that these things are not prerequisites, it is extremely prevalent in the vast
majority of cases.

That being said, many people with BPD live very successful lives and following the right care
and treatment many cases no longer meet diagnostic criteria after a few years.
 He thumbed through some of the pages, seeing information about therapies, brain structures,
and skills. There was a section dedicated to being a caretaker for or living with someone who
had the disease. A quote at the top of one page briefly caught his eye.

‘Genetics can load the gun but environment pulls the trigger.’

He dog-eared the page for later before tossing the packet inside his desk drawer and trading it
for his Statistics textbook. Jungkook may be suffering but Taehyung had exams to study for.
His own life didn’t stop moving just because Jungkook’s had.

Chapter End Notes

Not that I doubt anyone's critical thinking skills but just want to put it out there that I'm
not in the field of psychology. While I do research for this fic, its not what I would call
intensive and I sometimes just straight up make up stuff for the sake of the story.

For example, many psychiatrists refuse to even diagnose people under 18 with BPD and
even then usually the person should have been showing symptoms for at least a year. In
this story it was only like half that.

Anyways, thanks for reading! See you soon!

 Chapter 29
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes

Yoongi hadn’t heard the door open through his headphones but he pulled them off when he
noticed a timid-looking Jungkook clinging to his doorframe.

“What’s up?” Yoongi asked, setting the headphones on the edge of his desk.

Jungkook slithered into the bedroom and shut the door behind him with a gentle click before
sitting on the edge of Yoongi’s bed while Yoongi swiveled in his chair to face him.

“Um...you remember a couple weeks ago? When I..when I was upset.” Jungkook began with
the slightest quiver in his voice, “And you came up to my bedroom. Did…did dad tell you to
do that?”

“No,” Yoongi said, shifting and leaning back in his seat with a slight creak. “Why?”

This was a turn of events. Jungkook never brought up things like his mood swings of his own
volition.

“Why did you come then? Because…because no one else did.” Jungkook asked, getting
quieter with each word. He scooted further back on the mattress so he could bring his socked
feet up on the edge of the bed and knees to his chest. He hugged them tightly and Yoongi
could only see his wide, scared eyes peeking through his bangs.

“Because you were upset,” Yoongi replied simply. “And sometimes it’s nice to be alone when
you’re going through something but I just got the feeling that you didn’t want to be alone
then. Our dads were just a little stressed which is why they needed to step out for a second.
They didn’t mean anything by it.”

“Okay..yeah. I mean no. Um, no..I don’t mean Jin or Joon, I mean why only you and not..not
Hobi or Tae or Jimin,” Jungkook fumbled. “I mean..I know why they wouldn’t. But. They’re
just never around anymore.”

Yoongi hated how small and unsure of himself Jungkook seemed. How he constantly stopped
and started sentences, to the point where it almost verged on having a stutter. He missed the
kid who was always up to mischief with Taehyung and could make Jimin laugh so hard he
would fall to the floor in a fit of giggles. He missed the kid who pretended to play innocent
when he or Hoseok caught him in the midst of a prank and pouted to get attention. He missed
the kid who drew superhero comics in the margins of all his homework and bragged about his
accomplishments after every sport’s practice. He missed the kid who would beg him to learn
his newest favorite song on the piano so he could sing along. Probably no one missed that
version of Jungkook more than Jungkook himself.
Yoongi felt his expression crack slightly. “Listen Jungkook, it’s not your fault. I know
they’ve all been through their own shit but they still don’t really get what it’s like.”

“It is my fault though that they don’t want to live here anymore,” his little brother insisted.

“Pfft. Don’t be so dramatic. They don’t want to move out or anything. They’re just taking
some time to themselves.”

There was some truth in the part about it being Jungkook’s fault – his brother wasn’t
blameless for his hurtful words and actions just because he had baggage and illnesses. Still,
Yoongi was disappointed in his other brothers because even if Jungkook’s behavior didn’t
warrant a blind eye, they definitely should be extending way more patience and sympathy.
Jungkook had been fucking sexually assaulted by probably multiple people. Even if their
brothers claimed to empathize, he could tell they didn’t understand the long term impact of
sexual abuse. More severe mental disorders like his own OCD and Jungkook’s Borderline
diagnosis were even more abstract to them. A dark knot of emotions and symptoms that they
couldn’t untangle but instead of accepting that it was a problem they couldn’t solve but at
least bear witness to, they just walked away completely. They could claim it was to ‘preserve
their own mental health’ or whatever but Yoongi couldn’t help but think they used that as an
excuse at the slightest sign of distress. They were a family and that meant being together
during bad times, too.

It seemed like they’d already forgotten how Jungkook had come back to their house covered
in bumps and bruises – his arm had been broken for fuck’s sake. Jungkook’s mental
disorders, which Yoongi suspected had been lingering just below the surface until enough
trauma flung open that Pandora’s box, impacted him on a genetic, neurological level that
literally altered the way he thought and viewed the world. Give the kid a fucking break.

“Do you want me to talk to them for you? Or to Jin and Joon about it?”

“No!” Jungkook’s answer was immediate and the first time he sounded sure of himself during
the entire conversation. “That’ll just make it worse. I just – I just wanted to know is all.”

“Know what?” Yoongi asked.

Jungkook neglected to reply and unhooked one hand from around his knees to rub the surface
of the comforter. Even before everything Jungkook had constantly fiddled with objects
around him but now it seemed more of like a nervous habit or coping mechanism.

“Jungkook, if you’re trying to validate your thoughts about how much they hate you or
whatever, that’s bullshit. It’s just your BPD talking, okay? Just because they’re a bit distant at
the moment doesn't mean they don’t love you. I’m sure they’ll be more up for hanging out
once summer break starts.”

More half-truths. Yoongi had walked in on his brothers complaining about Jungkook more
than once. At first they tried to include him in the conversations but when they saw he was
more prone to leap to Jungkook’s defense than drag him through the mud, they stopped
including him. No doubt they still whispered behind Jungkook’s back, now just out of
Yoongi’s own hearing range too. Of course Yoongi had his own complaints and hardships
with the distress Jungkook was causing in their household. He allowed himself to be distant
for a few months, focusing all his attention and energy on school and work. Everything was
feeling a bit more manageable these days though, especially since his therapist advised him
to up his dosage of his own medication.

The only intention his brothers had once school let out was to probably find ways to avoid
Jungkook. The most important part of his speech wasn’t a lie though. They did love
Jungkook even if there were some problems everyone had to work through to get them to
express it.

---

Several of them had confronted their dads for more information but they were always tight-
lipped, claiming it wasn’t their place to tell and Jungkook could tell them if he ever wanted
to. Jimin had been scrambling to find justifications of why they should know beyond
satisfying morbid curiosity – and there were several. He deserved to know why that creepy
guy had approached Jungkook at the mall and why it had startled his brother so badly. Why
their dads felt the need to install the home security system. Why Jungkook’s dad suddenly
relinquished his rights after years of fighting for him. Why Jungkook didn’t seem to be
getting better despite all the therapy. How long it would be until they no longer had to fetch
razors, scissors, and more from the safe every time they needed them. Maybe a large part of it
was driven by curiosity but Taehyung had pointed out that that wasn’t inherently bad.

“Jungkook’s our family. If there’s some big secret crime thing that happened to him that we
don’t know about, of course we would want to know more. We could understand him better.”

That was why he, Hosoek, and Taehyung made a new group chat for themselves following
the latest ‘family meeting’ where their dads had ignored all their inquiries and instead
pestered them if they had read the information packets despite everyone being in the midst of
final exams.

Hobi said he’d scour the internet for all the articles he could that might pertain to the case and
then they could look at them together and try to piece the puzzle together. It shouldn’t be that
hard, everyone these days was an internet sleuth. Sure enough, a couple days later Hobi
demanded they all meet in his and Tae’s room to go over what he found.

“Look at this,” Hobi said as he pulled up an article on his Ipad. “Chronologically, this is the
first one published.”

The three of them were spread out on the carpet between Jimin and Taehyung’s bed. Hoseok
was laying on his stomach while he and Taehyung crouched by his shoulders on either side.
Of course Yoongi wasn’t included in the operation because he had also sided with Jin and
Joon when he or his other brothers complained about being left in the dark. And even though
Yoongi claimed to be better…well Jimin remembered all too well the difficult times with
him. Maybe his eldest brother hadn’t ever been as messed up as Jungkook but no one wanted
to risk triggering him and he didn’t want to help anyways. Yoongi would probably just snitch
on them.
Jimin scanned the article Hobi had pulled up. It was one all of them had read already. In
Jimin’s case multiple times. It was even a bookmark on his phone. Taehyung had found it in
early October although it was published in mid-September, the same week Jungkook came
back to live with them. Still, Jimin reread it in case he had forgotten any details though it was
practically branded into his memory. There were no specific places or people mentioned in
the article, just the general neighborhood but it was where Jungkook had been living. It
couldn’t be a coincidence that the story was published exactly one day after Jungkook
returned to them.

“…homeland security teams raided the house under suspicion of distributing narcotics.
Another building had been searched earlier in the day, providing the evidence which
linked…”

Jimin skimmed the article.

“The suspects were arrested. An ambulance was also at the scene but no authorities reported
injuries.”

“I read that the police won’t release details of victims, especially when they’re minors,”
Hoseok said.

“Makes sense,” Taehyung said.

“And then in October there were a bunch of articles about the crackdown on a local human
trafficking ring,” Hoseok continued. That was something that had affected the whole
community and their school even held an assembly where a cop did a guest lecture to remind
them of ‘stranger danger’. There were demonstrations of self-defense moves and
explanations of red flags to look for in strangers. They were encouraged to look out for each
other. Really, all quite common sense stuff that didn’t help anyone but let the school pat
themselves on the shoulder.

“Again, hardly any specifics were released so all the reports basically say the same thing over
and over again,” Hoseok said, navigating to the next tab. “This one I think is the most
informative one though.”

“What initially started as a drug investigation has turned into something impossibly darker
as further evidence linked suspects involved to international child sexual abuse markets. Half
a dozen local residents have been arrested under allegations of human-trafficking, including
the prostitution of minors. A spokesperson from the district’s police station has confirmed
that authorities have rescued victims but are unable to confirm how many or their ages in
order to protect their identities. As this goes beyond local jurisdiction, further handling of the
case will be shifted to the FBI.

Officials did state that several suspects confessed to releasing content containing abuse and
exploitation of minors on the dark web. This includes a site which has been identified as one
of the biggest platforms for child abuse which has since been shut down - but not by the
police but rather the platform’s own creators. According to reports, around a half a dozen
other forums for child pornography mysteriously vanished as well. There have been ongoing
international efforts for a few years to track where the servers are hosted and identifying the
people behind it.

‘It’s difficult,’ the spokesperson explained in a press conference on Wednesday. ‘It’s a race
against time to track down the people behind this type of content before they disappear. They
take care to obscure their identity and it may very well be the case the website was hosted
and ran by people on the other side of the world.’

Unfortunately, it is all too likely similar platforms will pop up again in another corner of the
dark web and law enforcement around the globe will have to begin their efforts anew.
Hopefully next time they will come out on top.

The rest of the article went on to describe statistics of child abuse, kidnapping, and trafficking
that made Jimin’s stomach roll. Could Jungkook really have been involved in something like
this? Had his stepbrothers actually posted stuff of him on those sites the article mentioned? It
seemed too...evil. Too dramatic. Like something out of a movie.

“You think it was his stepbrothers doing it all?” Jimin asked.

“It did say a half dozen suspects had been arrested.” Hoseok said.

“And that human-trafficking, drugs, and prostitution was involved. If it was just another case
of abuse within a family it wouldn’t be so newsworthy,” Taehyung sighed. “They were
probably working under or for someone for quick cash. Just small-fry in the grand scheme of
things.”

“Once the trials happen and they’re given their sentences, their names will be released since
all sex offenders and any criminal cases are required to be on public records,” Hoseok went
on. “So we can double check then and there will probably be more details of what happened.”

“But…” Jimin stammered, “If they release their names and the case information won’t
everyone be able to make the connection to Jungkook?”

“I think his stepbrothers had a different last name though. They never took Jungkook’s bio’s
dad name. And they would still protect Jungkook’s identity,” Hoseok pointed out. “But if
Jungkook told people his stepbrothers’ names and they know enough about him I guess they
could connect the dots. I think it’s unlikely - it wouldn’t be anyone who’s a threat to him, just
like friends and stuff.”

Taehyung sighed and gestured to the article. “We knew or could assume pretty much all of
this anyways.”

Hoseok’s mouth, which was usually quirked up into an easy-going smile even when he
wasn’t trying, was now frowning. “Do you think we should check the safe? They probably
have more information in there,” he suggested.

“What?” Jimin asked in shock. “Dad will get mad!”

“Duh, that’s why we’ll do it when they aren’t home,” Taehyung said, a glint in his eyes.
Jimin shifted uncomfortably. He was a rule-follower by nature. At first when they created the
group chat for just the three of them, it felt like a fun DIY crime investigation, similar to how
he felt when reading the unsolved mysteries Reddit thread. Even though Jimin’s moral
compass wasn’t prone to pointing towards compassion these days where Jungkook was
concerned, it still felt seedy and even a little dangerous. Maybe if he hadn’t complained to
Taehyung so much about Jungkook his brother wouldn’t be eager to take it so far.

“Listen, Jimin,” Hoseok cut in, sensing his reluctance. “It’s not just to satisfy our curiosity,
okay? Although frankly I do think there are a lot more things our dads could be telling us.
But don’t you remember what happened at the mall? And how all those kids at school
bothered us about it? And now we have a freaking home security system that cost who knows
how much money. I think we deserve to know a little bit more if they think there is enough
danger to warrant that.”

That was true. Someone or something must still be lurking out there. They had a whole plan
in place for what to do if something like the mall incident happened again. So they obviously
expected it to happen again. If it was people involved in trafficking and drugs, that was some
serious shit.

“And this isn’t to hurt Jungkook,” Taehyung added. “I get he’s going through a hard time
even if it also sucks for us. But if we had more information we could use it to protect him or
help him. Besides, you were the one getting all bent out of shape in the first place.”

It was true but Taehyung had also been moody for the past couple weeks and had leapt at the
idea to take matters into their hands. The reminders and justifications did dampen his anxiety
a bit though. “Okay,” he agreed, his nerves turning into something more akin to a thrill. “On
one condition, I’m not gonna be the one to go through the safe.”

It wasn’t a big deal to access the safe, everyone except Jungkook had access to the code since
they needed to use it if they wanted plenty of daily objects – scissors, knives, nail clippers.
The list went on. But even before Jungkook’s return they knew the code since it was where
their dads stored everyone’s medical and legal documents.

All Hoseok had to do was tell a little white lie that he was applying for a dance summer camp
and as part of the application he needed to send a copy of his vaccination record. Jin had
merely shrugged and wished him luck with the application before leaving with Binky,
Jungkook and Yoongi to go to a dog park. Namjoon was doing his usual weekend activities
of souping up his bicycle in the garage or working in the garden. So when Hoseok grabbed
his medical file for pretense, he quickly thumbed through the other files to see what else he
should take. They each had a folder dedicated to their medical history and another to their
adoption documents. He swiped both of Jungkook’s and noticed a third file labelled
‘JUNGKOOK – INSURANCE’. He also grabbed a fourth, a newer looking manilla folder
labelled ‘LAWYER’ on the front. It couldn’t be for their adoption attorney because Hoseok
knew that folder had the lawyer’s name on it and unless their dads planned to adopt another
kid they didn’t have room for, they would no longer have any need for him.

He hurried upstairs and let himself in to Tae and Jimin’s room.

“I grabbed these,” he said, setting the folders down on the floor. “We just have to make sure
the documents don’t get out of order in case they’re organized in a specific way.”

Taehyung had already flipped open the lawyer one and was typing the information of the
unfamiliar attorney into Google as he sat against the side of his bed.

“According to his profile on his website he specializes as a prosecutor for trials concerning
abuse towards minors. He’s not private, he’s employed by the state to work for social
services.”

Jimin was going through Jungkook’s medical file, albeit more slowly. His brother’s clear
guilt and apprehension briefly made Hoseok second-guess himself but they already had
grabbed the files and there was no way they could turn back now. Hoseok crouched so he was
next to Jimin.

“This is just his old stuff,” Hoseok pointed out as Jimin read Jungkook’s birth certificate.

“I know!” Jimin snapped. Taehyung side eyed them from where he was still on the lawyer’s
website but his eyes flicked back to his screen after a moment.

“Look, Jungkook and our dads aren’t going to find about this, it’ll be okay,” Hoseok said
before sliding the file closer to himself. Generally they were organized chronologically so he
flipped to the back part where newer, more relevant stuff should be. It took a few more rifled
pages until Hoseok found something of interest.

“Hey this is the date he moved back in,” Jimin chirped as he scanned the heading on the
paper Hoseok held, voice suddenly filled with interest.

It was some sort of copy from a medical report detailing prescriptions. “Hey Tae can you
Google these and tell us what they’re for?” Hoseok asked, taking out the page with his index
finger and thumb. “It’s probably just his prescriptions from his psychiatrist though.”

Tae nodded wordlessly and his long fingers flew over the keys.

“This one too,” Jimin said, pulling out a similar page. “I think it’s the date when he fainted,
remember?”

Now that Jimin was situated, Hoseok scooted away to flip open the insurance file that
Jungkook had. It would probably be boring but it was odd since none of them had a separate
file like that. He figured it probably was because Jungkook had been on a different insurance
before he was adopted. At first it was dull information about deductibles and letters detailing
what insurance would cover for the special, private clinic Jungkook went to. Then even more
complicated stuff about switching insurance. Given the dates, a lot of it was for when
Jungkook was adopted and presumably switching to Jin and Joon’s own insurance rather than
the state-funded one.

It got a little more interesting where he found some documents detailing some therapy
appointments. Apparently insurance didn’t just fund therapy sessions indefinitely but you
needed prescriptions and explanations to be sent to the insurance company explaining what
and why the insured person needed more.

In one letter to the insurance company his psychiatrist used phrases like “severe, repeated
trauma,” “self-harm and suicidal ideation,” and “repressed memories and emotions” that
could be “dangerous to himself and others” if not given the proper time and treatment. Bile
churned in his gut.

“Find anything interesting?” Taehyung asked him.

“Not really,” Hoseok said hastily, flipping to another page and trying to ignore his guilty
conscience.

“Well I hope you do because most of these are just some generic painkiller and anxiety
medication and stuff,” Taehyung spoke up from his left. The keys clacked as his slender
fingers flew over the keys. “Looks like he also got a prescription for an antibiotic at some
point.” Taehyung paused to also look the papers in Jungkook’s medical information folder
that Jimin was still pawing through and plucked one at random.

“What’s that one say?” Hobi asked although his mind was still fixated on the ‘repressed
memories’ and trying to ignore the part about ‘suicidal ideation’. He chewed his lip. If his
brother couldn’t even remember what had happened to him, did anyone have the full picture?

“Some bloodwork results I guess,” Taehyung said, eyes going left to right as he scanned the
page. “Oh my god, he had a Gonorrhea infection.”

Jimin’s face pinched in disgust. “Ew.”

“I mean we knew he was abused in..that way,” Hoseok sighed. “Hopefully he’s over it now
and it wasn’t too severe.”

Taehyung had turned back to his computer after his discovery. “According to Webmd it’s
pretty easy to treat. It’s probably what that antibiotic was for. Mystery solved, I guess.”

“Do you think that’s why he fainted that first week?” Jimin asked.

“I don’t know if it makes you faint or anything like that,” Taehyung said as he scanned the
symptoms list. “I think he was just stressed.”

Jimin let out a quiet ‘oh’ and the gentle sadness of it sent a pang through Hosoek. There
wasn’t anything they could do to change the past but they could try to learn from it, so
Hoseok resumed scavenging through the therapy file and found an informational packet,
much like the ones their dads have given them. This one was about c-PTSD. Various parts
were highlighted and Jin’s loopy handwriting was smushed into the margins and on the backs
of pages. He read a handwritten note inked in blue pen.

Saturday night. Night terror…flashback when he woke up? – said J had threatened to kill him
& burn down house. Mentioned forced drug use & blindfold. Told us that he ‘didn’t like what
they did to him’.
Under it was more information, still Jin’s handwriting, but the color of ink had switched to
black and the lines were a bit thicker.

JK told Jamie about some of the threats and punishments they used. Remember to first try
breathing techniques to turn off his body’s flight response. J threatened to kill pets so maybe
seeing Jem&Binky can calm him. Will up his anxiety medication dose by 5mg. He is afraid of
drugs so need to work on normalizing & destigmatize his medicine. He hasn’t mentioned any
others like we saw @ police so probably can’t remember. trauma can resurface but probably
not if drug use was involved.

“What did you find?” Jimin asked.

“Some notes dad made about Jungkook,” Hoseok said quietly. “I think it’s before and after a
therapy session.” There was a hard pit in his stomach and a lump building in his throat.

Both Jimin and Taehyung crawled over, their curiosity piqued. As their eyes scanned the
page, Jimin’s face noticeably paled. Even Taehyung who’d been trying to research everything
with a serious, business-like air was clearly losing his nerve.

“You know…I think that..I think that his stepbrothers tortured him,” Hoseok admitted. “Like
not just..s-sexual assault. When he was living in my room I saw a burn on the bottom of his
foot. And not just them. With the news about the human trafficking ring being busted last
year right after he came back to live with us, the guy who recognized him in the mall, and the
security system our dads installed…”

Hoseok trailed off and a heavy silence hung between the three of them. It was an obvious
conclusion that they had drawn well before they even started their stupid game of detective
that was going nowhere. It was one thing to try and solve a mystery and another to visualize
their youngest brother being taken advantage of, blindfolded, and given drugs by his
stepbrothers and strangers while having terrible threats screamed into his face.

“Hobi..I..I think we should put this back,” Jimin mumbled.

He was about to agree but was interrupted by the sound of the keypad downstairs beeping
followed by the front door being flung open so hard it made the house shake. Jin, Jungkook,
and Yoongi’s voices all mixed up into on indecipherable cacophony. Someone – Jungkook -
was crying. Their hurried, heavy footsteps all told of urgency.

“Fuck, what happened now?” Jimin asked, even more shaken. Fear was swimming in
Taehyung’s eyes.

There was no way another creep had recognized Jungkook, right?

“Let’s put this in your desk and see what’s going on,” Hobi ordered, hurriedly scooping a
couple of the folders and scattered paper into a messy stack.

Jimin grabbed the rest and Taehyung slammed his laptop shut and put it on his bed.
They rushed downstairs, nearly tripping over each other’s feet. Sure enough, Jungkook was
in the entryway sobbing and almost hysterical. Jin looked stressed and concern was etched all
over Yoongi’s face. They arrived at the scene just as Namjoon came in from the backyard.

“What happened?” his dad asked, green plant matter smudged on his cargo shorts and fingers
stained soil from where he had been working in the garden.

“It’s Binky,” Jin sighed, his hand giving Jungkook’s shoulder a squeeze who was clinging to
his side as he sobbed. “He took a tumble when he got out of the car at the dog park. He can’t
put any weight on the leg. I don’t know if it’s broken or just sprained. I’m going to take him
to the vet now.”

Hobi hurried out the front door, Jimin and Taehyung both hot on his heels. The car doors
were still open. Binky was laid out on the back seat, panting heavily. His eye rolled back to
look at them and his tail thumped weakly against the seats.

“Aww, Binkster, poor boy,” Hobi cooed, reaching over to stroke his head gently.

“Which leg is it?” Jimin asked worriedly where he craned his neck to see over his and
Taehyung’s shoulders.

“It’s his front right one,” Jin said from behind them, causing all of them to startle, nerves still
tightly wound. “The same one he broke last year.”

When Binky had fallen down the stairs over a year ago, not long after Jungkook had went to
live with his father, Binky had been wheezing and whimpering at the bottom of the staircase,
the wind knocked out of him from the fall. Now his injured leg looked normal, not at a
gruesome angle like he had been expecting if Jungkook’s hysteria was anything to go by. “It
doesn’t look so bad,” Jimin voiced Hoseok’s thoughts, squeezing in between him and
Taehyung to give Binky a comforting scratch on his neck. Binky gave his arm a few gentle
licks.

“It’s probably just sprained or something,” Jin said as he re-buckled himself into the driver’s
seat. “The vet did say it would always be weaker and prone to injury even after it healed
given his age. I’ll text you once the vet gives him X-rays.”

Jimin stepped back and gently shut the car door.

“See you later,” Hoseok called as their dad pulled out into the street. Jimin gave a weak
wave. He watched as the car grew smaller and smaller until it turned a corner and vanished
from sight.

“Poor Binky,” Jimin sighed. “He’s getting so old.”

They shuffled back inside where Jungkook was still crying albeit more softly. Hoseok only
took one look at his brother’s tear-stained face before feeling an intense and uncharacteristic
rush of self-hate. Jungkook had always loved animals and yet people had taken that quality
and twisted it and used it against him. Maybe Binky’s sprained leg didn’t warrant a meltdown
but a sprained leg on top of memories of his abusers threatening to kill the dog unless he
complied to their fucked-up demands certainly did. Maybe Jungkook had been sobbing in
pain, blindfolded and clutching at his burned foot while his stepbrother whispered the threats
in his ear. Maybe he had been forced to use drugs. Maybe he hadn’t had any clothes on.
Hoseok screwed his eyes shut and was torn between his sudden urge to vomit and a softer
one to go over and hug and cuddle Jungkook like he used. He chose the latter and walked
over to rub Jungkook’s arm.

“Hey Kookie, it’s gonna be okay, he just needs to go to the vet.”

“He didn’t seem so bad, he was wagging his tail when we went out to see him,” Jimin
managed to add.

Jungkook’s breathing was still hitching at irregular intervals and he rubbed at his red eyes.

“Come on, how about you help me in the garden,” Namjoon prompted.

“I d-don't want to,” Jungkook sniffled.

“It’ll take your mind off it,” Namjoon insisted and then he was half-dragging Jungkook along
with him out to the porch.

Yoongi watched them ago for a moment, looking torn, before heaving a sigh and crouching
down to undo his shoe laces.

“Alright, well, dad said he’d text us when he got news,” Taehyung said, sidling back to the
staircase.

“Hm,” Yoongi grunted uninterestedly.

After his eldest brother toed his shoes off he went upstairs, Hoseok followed him, relieved
when his brother continued down the hall to his own room, not even sparing Jimin and Tae’s
room a glance.

“Okay, let’s put the stuff back now that everyone’s busy,” Hoseok suggested once they were
all safely shut in the room again.

“We haven’t finished going through all of it yet though,” Taehyung insisted.

“I don’t know if we’re going to find any more useful information until the trial happens,
Tae,” Hoseok said. Their ‘investigation’ had lost all of its appeal and now felt childish and
invasive.

“Let’s put it back,” Jimin agreed.

“Fine,” Taehyung sighed reluctantly.

They took the papers out of the desk and set them on the floor again to organize them.

“They all got out of order,” Jimin fretted, “how do we put them back?”
“Just make it look neat,” Hoseok instructed. “I doubt they knew the exact way they had it,
otherwise they would’ve numbered them.”

“That’s not what you said earlier!” Jimin accused and Hoseok winced at the crack of panic in
his voice.

“It’s fine Jimin, they won’t notice,” Hoseok said impatiently.

The next few minutes were spent in silence as they cleaned up and scoured the room for any
stray papers.

“I’ll go down with you,” Taehyung offered as Hoseok picked up all the files.

When they entered the closet they found none other than Yoongi there, crouching in the dark
and rummaging through the safe.

“What are you doing in here?” Taehyung asked, his voice defensive.

Yoongi didn’t even bother to look at them. “What’s your problem? I’m just getting my razor.”
He turned around and pointed at Tae with his razor in the haughty way only an older brother
could. “I’m showering first, you’re just gonna have to wait.”

He watched as Yoongi’s eyes narrowed while Hoseok lamely tried to hide the two files he
was carrying behind his back. “What are those?” he asked.

“It’s my stuff I needed for a thing I was applying to,” Hoseok lied.

Yoongi saw right through it because there was no way he would need more than a couple
documents. “Let me see,” he challenged. “You’re acting weird.”

Taehyung didn’t try to stop him as his older brother’s pale hand reached forward and
snatched a manilla envelope out of his grasp. “This is Jungkook’s stuff. What were you
doing?”

“We just wanted information about what was going on,” Taehyung retorted.

Yoongi’s eyes were two furious slits and Hoseok gulped – the receiving end of Yoongi’s
anger was never somewhere you wanted to be. His brother took a few threatening steps
forward. “So you went snooping around his private stuff? What the fuck is wrong with you?
If you actually just talked to Jin or Joon or Jungkook-

“No!” Taehyung protested. “They won’t tell us what happened at all!”

“Because that’s none of your fucking business!” Yoongi shouted. They had backed out of the
closet at this point and Yoongi shoved Taehyung against his chest until he was pressed up
against the far wall of the bedroom. The thumping of Taehyung’s back against the wall
caused the picture of their family trip to Yosemite on the dresser next to him to quiver
slightly.
“How is it not?! We live with him!” Tae shouted back, not backing down despite being
cornered.

“Guys…” Hoseok protested weakly as their raised voices echoed loudly.

Yoongi stood on his toes to get right into Taehyung’s face, a sneer painting his lips. “What?
Do you share with us every time your trailer trash alcoholic parents start drinking again?”

Hoseok went cold. He watched as Taehyung stiffened with fury, dropping the remaining file
he had been holding, the papers spilling out and fanning around their feet like a gutted fish.
Yoongi also threw the one he was still holding to the side where it bounced off the loveseat
and creased the edges of documents that flew out of it.

“Shut the fuck up!” Taehyung shouted. “Leave them out of this! Just because you and
Jungkook can bond over how fucking crazy you both are doesn’t mean you get to be so shitty
all the time!”

His younger brother had stepped forward now, forcing Yoongi backwards and papers
crumpled further under their feet.

“You’re the one who’s being a fucking asshole!” Yoongi snarled, jabbing a finger at
Taehyung’s chest.

Hoseok had no idea what to do. It wasn’t unusual for two or sometimes even three of them to
get into some big argument once a year or so but he’d never heard such venom and personal
insults fly from any of his brothers’ mouths before. He heard a noise behind him and glanced
back to see a stressed-out Jimin peeking around the doorframe. Great, Jimin responded to
conflict the worst out of all of them.

“Guys, stop, you’re making a mess!” Hoseok begged as he turned back to his quarrelling
brothers, gesturing his hand in a shooing motion towards Jimin, trying to tell his brother to
leave before he made the situation worse.

Tae and Yoongi briefly broke apart, both panting and red-faced.

“I’m sure Yoongi and his OCD would love to clean it up!” Taehyung shouted. “Why don’t
you count all the papers over and over again for the rest of your life and just leave me
alone?!”

Jimin hadn’t heeded Hoseok’s warning and now they both stood side by side, mouths agape
as they watched the escalating fight.

“I will clean it up because you don’t deserve to look at it! Despite everything you turned out
just as shit as your deadbeat parents!”

“Stop!” Hoseok pleaded again. “Yoongi, I’ll put it back.”

“Yeah,” Taehyung agreed with a scoff, “let Hobi do it. Wouldn’t want any bad habits to
resurface because you get a papercut. Then we’ll have to lock up every paper in the house
and change the code again!”
“Tae,” Jimin finally managed to articulate from where he stood next to Hoseok, tears flowing
down his face.

“Taehyung,” a voice repeated. A much colder and deeper voice.

All four siblings turned around to see an angry Namjoon towering in the doorframe.

---

“But he was-

“I don’t care!” Namjoon roared. “Go to your rooms, now!”

“But-

“NOW!”

Yoongi flew past Namjoon still seething with rage. Taehyung went slower, eyes pricking with
angry tears as Namjoon refused to hear him out. Namjoon stood silent and foreboding as his
eyes scanned the mess of papers around the room, only breaking the silence when the quiet
was punctuated by the slam of two doors, one after the other that made Hoseok wince,
signaling Taehyung and Yoongi had reached their respective rooms.

Finally, Namjoon turned to face him and Jimin. “Are you guys involved in all this? What’s
going on?” he asked, gesturing to the mess of papers. Before either of them could come up
with an explanation, their dad knelt down and picked up the nearest labelled manilla
envelope, now devoid of its contents which lay scattered like a gutted fish on the carpet.
Namjoon’s face tightened as he saw ‘JUNGKOOK’ printed in his own careful handwriting.

“Why were you looking at this?”

“We j-just wanted..to know…what..what happened,” Jimin cried.

“We’ve told you what happened,” Namjoon said coldly.

“Yes..but..” Hoseok floundered. “Like what really happened.”

“The details are Jungkook’s business, not yours.” Namjoon swore under his breath and let the
folder drop back to the floor. “I have to go find him. You better hope for your sakes that he’s
not upset because of whatever argument you had. Clean this up then go to your rooms. We’re
having a talk once Jin gets home. Until then I don’t want to hear a word from any of you.”

---

Planting summer flowers with Namjoon wasn’t really taking his mind off things and he
couldn’t stop thinking about Binky.

“Do you want to plant the petunias or the snapdragons?” Namjoon asked.
Jungkook shrugged. Even the cheerful colors, Jemma chasing insects nearby, and warm
sunshine couldn’t help him.

“Okay, well how about you take three of the petun-

“Do you hear that?” Jungkook asked, gaze snapping to the house where he swore he heard
something. Something like yelling.

“Hear what?”

Jungkook swallowed. Sometimes, especially times like now when he wasn’t feeling great, the
lines between his imagination and reality would become blurred. Maybe there wasn’t yelling
and it was just a phantom echo from his past. “Oh..um..m-maybe it wasn’t-

But then Namjoon heard it too. Even Jemma trained her ears towards the house. It was
distinct enough that they could tell it was Taehyung even if they couldn’t make out the words,
followed by Yoongi’s enraged voice.

“Stay here,” Namjoon ordered, getting up and hastily wiping his dirty hands on his pants. He
watched Namjoon jog inside before creeping to the porch after, lingering in the frame of the
sliding door.

“Then we’ll have to lock up every paper in the house and change the code again!”

“Taehyung!” Namjoon interrupted and Jungkook shivered at his tone.

A few more raised voices was all it took for Jungkook to flee to the garage. Code. Lock up.
His brothers were fighting. Namjoon was angry. It had to be about the safe in their bedroom.
They were angry at him because he kept fucking up and they were sick of having to hide all of
their shit in there. He paced anxiously, footsteps increasing in tempo and echoing on the
concrete floor as he pulled at his hair.

He distantly realized he was heaving as if he’d run a marathon and came to a sudden halt in
front of the garage work bench. His fingers gripped the edge of it and he tried to pay
attention to the texture of the wood to anchor himself. The skin on the side of his pinky
brushed something on the underside of the lip of the table. He scooted his hand towards it
and realized what it was - there was a screw loose. Robotically he pinched it between his
forefinger and thumb and twisted and twisted until it came out without a sound.

Despite having been loose, the tip was still reasonably sharp. He experimentally pressed it
against the pad of his left ring finger. Not hard enough to break the skin but enough that he
felt the pain and it left a red indentation. He swallowed. Clenching the screw in his fist he
fished his phone out of his pocket with his other hand and shakily scrolled through his
contacts until he found the one he needed. It rang and rang, each ring sending him deeper
into a pit of despair. What would he do if it went to voicemail? He’d lose it. He’d completely
lose it.

The call connected right when he was about to give up hope.

“J-Jamie?” he croaked.

“Jungkook? Is something wrong?”

“E-everyone is y-yelling and I don’t know wh-what’s happening and I don’t feel very g-
good.”

“Are you safe right now?”

“I’m, um, I’m at home. B-but I’m in the garage. Everyone..everyone is mad at me. I really
don’t feel that good.” His hand clenched even tighter around the screw.

“Do you want to hurt yourself right now Jungkook?”

He let out a shaky exhale.

“Where are Jin and Namjoon, Jungkook?”

“B-Binky got huh-hurt and Jin took him to the v-v-vet. And now..now Joon is mad at my
brothers and they’re all y-yelling at each other and…and..and…”

Tears splashed onto the workbench.

“Jungkook I’m going to count and follow it to help you breath, okay?”

His breathing hitched and stuttered.

“Breathe in through your nose for one, two, three, four. Hold for one, two, three, four, five,
six.”

It was just on the cusp of discomfort to hold it for that long when his heart was this jittery
and throat so tight but the breathing pattern had become almost second nature to him at this
point. Jamie now started a count to eight where he released it in a slow and steady stream
from his mouth. They went through a couple more cycles.

“Can you tell me three things you can see right now and their colors?”

“Um…um…I see Joon’s bicycle. It’s..b-blue.”

“What else?”

His brain was short-circuiting. His gaze dropped to the top of the workbench. “Hmm..uh the
desk or, um, table, is brown. B-because it’s made of wood.”

“Alright, another thing.”

He opened his palm and stared at the screw he was fiddling with. “I have a screw. It’s silver. I
pulled it out of the wood.”

“Are you hurt?”

“No…not..not…I didn’t do anything.”

“Can you put it on top of the table for me and go find Namjoon?”

“Oh, uh, okay.” He let it fall from his hand where it bounced with a couple tiny clinks before
rocking gently side to side. “I don’t want to find J-joon. He’s angry.”

Just then the garage door flung open, Namjoon’s silhouette in the doorframe. Jungkook
flinched and took a step backwards.

“Jungkook, sweetie? There you are, are you okay?”

To Jungkook’s relief he sounded a lot calmer now. Jamie’s muffled voice filtered out from his
phone but he couldn’t understand what she said. He held the phone back up to his ear. “I'm
sorry, what?”

“Jungkook can you tell me what’s happening?”

“Oh..Joon is here. It’s okay. I think.” All of the sudden Jungkook felt really awkward. “Um,
so, bye I guess.”

“Wait, can you give the phone to Namjoon real quick?”

Reluctantly Jungkook handed it over, knowing exactly what was coming.

Namjoon held the phone to his ear, his concerned expression becoming grave. “Yes, okay,
thank you.” Namjoon said. “Jungkook did you want to say goodbye?”

Jungkook shook his head.

“Alright, bye Jamie, see you soon,” Joon said for the both of them before hanging up and
handing the phone back to him. He squeezed his shoulder. “Honey, can you show me your
arms real quick?”

Obediently he outstretched his arms and realized it was the first time he’d worn only a T-
shirt. He had been wearing a sweater over it earlier when they went to the dog park but took
it off once he was home in the garden with Namjoon. He doubted he would ever find the
courage to go in public like this with his scars on full display.

Namjoon quickly inspected his arms and light touches trailed down his palm. Unfortunately
his dad noticed the still red mark left by the screw on his finger. Namjoon smoothed over the
area with gentle fingers.

“Thank you, Kookie,” Namjoon said before briskly walking over and pocketing the loose
screw that still sat atop the table. “I’m really proud of you. I’m glad you called Jamie and
I’m sorry if I scared you.”

“Wh-what happened?”
“Taehyung and Yoongi just got into an argument. It happens sometimes. They’re both in their
rooms now.”

“What were they fighting about?” Jungkook asked. They had had to be fighting about him.
He knew Tae, Hobi, and Jimin all hated him.

“It had nothing to do with you,” Namjoon replied, sensing his thoughts. “How are you
feeling? Do you think you’re up for going back to the garden again?”

Jungkook certainly didn’t want to go back into the house, even if his brothers were in their
rooms. He nodded.

Namjoon smiled and put his hand on his back and it was warm and steadying and he lead
him back out into the sunlight.

---

“You went through his medical files?” Jin asked as if he couldn’t believe it. “That’s his
personal information. It’s illegal.”

Namjoon cut in now, “We have been trying to give you every opportunity we can to let you
communicate openly and honestly. I don’t know what more we can do if you don’t meet us
halfway. You know better than this. You should be acting better than this.”

“You didn’t hear the things Yoongi said to me!” Taehyung protested.

“This isn’t about Yoongi! You and Jimin can forget about getting your driver’s licenses for
the foreseeable future! There will be no driving. No end of the school year party. For the next
few weeks all of you are on kitchen duty.” Namjoon took a pause before continuing his rant,
“I thought we raised you better than this. You lied to our faces when you said you didn’t have
time to read up on the stuff we gave you about Jungkook. You had time but you would rather
spend it violating his privacy instead of learning information that would actually help him!
I’m just so disappointed in you. So disappointed. I can’t even-

Namjoon cut himself off as he paced, red-faced in anger. Taehyung sensed Jimin and Hoseok
pressing back into the cushions of the loveseat in shame.

“We just wanted to understand him better, I promise,” Taehyung said.

“Well then you have a very poor way of doing that!” Namjoon exploded.

Jin lay a hand on his shoulder. “Okay, I think the point has been made. I don’t know…should
we get a therapist to see as a family? Tae and Hobi do you need to see someone individually
too?”

“No!” he and Hoseok shouted in unison.

Taehyung watched as his dads’ eyes flicked between their two faces and it seemed like
Namjoon’s eyes lingered on him a bit longer than his brother. “We can talk about this again
later. Go back to your rooms. Taehyung, stay a bit.”
He squirmed in his seat as Hoseok and Jimin practically bolted off the small sofa for the
safety of their bedrooms.

“Okay, Taehyung, now’s your chance. What did Yoongi say to you that has you so upset?” Jin
prompted.

“He..he said bad things about m-my parents.”

“Alright,” Namjoon began rubbing the back of his neck. “But that doesn’t excuse-

“My mom started drinking again,” Taehyung blurted out. The heat from his neck quickly
crept up to his face and then even his eyes were burning. He tried to blink away his tears but
all it did was just made well up faster. “B-but the r-rehab won’t let h-her b-back this t-time.”

A beat of silence passed as his dads stared at him in surprise.

“Oh, honey, I’m sorry. We didn’t know,” Jin said.

“Where did you hear this from?” Namjoon asked. His face had softened but there was still
some steel in his eyes.

Taehyung bit his lip as he tried to stifle his sobs. Technically speaking his bio-relatives were
no longer his relatives. While Taehyung had a lot of their numbers in his phone, they were
supposed to go through Jin and Joon first with any visits or big news. It was an informal
agreement and not a legal one that everyone adhered to for the most part.

“I called my g-grandma the other week,” Taehyung admitted. “We were just chatting for a
while, she didn’t mean to tell me it just kind of slipped out.” He wrapped his arms around
himself and sniffled loudly.

He stared at his knees as he felt the cushion shift to his left as his dad sat down next to him.
“We can talk to your grandparents and see if we can learn more about the situation if that’s
what you want,” Jin said, squeezing the back of his neck. His hand was warm against his
skin.

“It doesn’t even matter what I know or don’t know, everything’s still all fucked up!”

He sensed Jin and Joon sharing a look over his head.

“It’s hard when it feels like we can’t do anything to help the ones we love,” Jin said. “But we
can still let them know that we love them.”

“How does that help anyone?” Taehyung asked bitterly. “And if Ju- if my mom couldn’t get
sober for me before she can’t this time either.”

The love-seat shifted again as Namjoon sat on his other side. “You’re right, it’s something
she has to do for herself. But when you’re in a difficult time it can be very lonely and a little
support can go a long way. Just like how me and Jin are here for you.”

“O-okay.”
 “We’ll talk with Yoongi again too. You both still have to apologize to each other – and you’re
still grounded - but let’s take a day or two to cool off,” Jin said.

“Are you sure you don’t want to see someone Tae?” Namjoon asked.

“No,” he said, wiping his eyes. “I’ll be okay. I promise.”

“Alright, I’m going to extend a little trust to you on this for the time being and I want you to
take it seriously.”

“I will,” Taehyung promised, wilting a little as guilt churned in his gut at how he betrayed
Jungkook and Jin and Joon. “And please don’t get mad at grandma, she didn’t mean to tell
me first, honest.”

“We’re not mad at her, but we’ll give her a call and find out what’s going on, okay?”

“Okay. C-can I go upstairs now?”

“Alright,” Jin relinquished.

Taehyung got up but paused before he quite made it halfway across the room. “Wait,” he
asked, turning slowly on his heel. “Is Jungkook okay?”

“Yes, he’s feeling a bit better now that we know Binky just has a sprained paw and it’ll be
better in a few weeks.”

Taehyung nodded.

“And maybe you and Jimin want to help us finish planting the garden tomorrow?” Namjoon
said.

“Okay,” Taehyung nodded again, feeling a bit more hopeful than moments before.

Chapter End Notes

Hopefully this chapter serves it’s purpose of a kind of recap and moving things forward.
Exams are starting soon and I also will begin a job in the near future so probably won’t
be until end of July I can get another update out. Thanks for reading!
 Chapter 30
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes

Taehyung took advantage of his position slightly behind Jungkook to observe his little
brother. Jungkook paused and Taehyung was about to avert his gaze in case Jungkook sensed
him watching. Instead, Jungkook set his small shovel down and dipped his hand into the hole
he was digging. When it emerged there was a roly-poly crawling up his index finger. He
carefully set it down next to an already-planted marigold and peered into the hole one last
time before picking up the shovel again and resuming his digging, the silver metal of the
shovel glinting in the sunlight. Taehyung swallowed. With Jungkook’s unpredictable mood
swings it had made it hard to remember how gentle his brother was at his core.

A feeling of nostalgia washed over him. Childhood had never been ‘simple’ for any of them
but he longed for the moments where it felt like any other idyllic white-picket-fence
upbringing. Often when they were young Jin would shoo them away from the TV, saying
they’d played enough video games for the day. He, Jimin and Jungkook would hastily raid
their closets and gather up their plastic swords to resume the video game in real life in the
backyard before the excitement was gone. Outside, they would take turns saving each other
from dramatic deaths by all sorts of the monsters. Jungkook would pretend to trip and squeal
in terror. Taehyung would dart over and stand over him bravely, plastic sword wobbling
slightly in the breeze while Jimin fired imaginary arrows from the makeshift bow they’d
cobbled together from a curved branch and a string of rubber bands. Together they faced
whatever imaginary horror stood in front of them.

He missed those times and he hated the slow death of their childhood shenanigans. How their
games lost their magic as they aged no matter how hard they tried to hold onto them.
Pubescent awkwardness crept in and their make-believe games would become fewer and
farther between, plastic swords gathering dust, chipped and bent. He didn’t even know where
they were anymore. They’d probably been thrown out. Still, they had been kids once and the
memories had to count for something.

The four of them continued to work in silence a little bit longer. The sun beat down and
Taehyung wished he had worn his sunglasses. After Jungkook planted two more marigolds
and saved three more roly-polies plus a worm, Jemma meandered over. Jungkook plucked an
overgrown stem of grass and dragged it in front of her where she lazily swatted at it. No
wonder the cat liked him best. Dirt and vegetation stained the cuffs of Jungkook’s grayish-
blue button up he was wearing.

“Aren’t you hot Kook?” Taehyung eventually asked. The only topics he could think to talk
about with him were generic, mundane things. Things used to be so easy between them, so
natural but had bled away just like their childhood imagination.

Jungkook turned and squinted at him in the sunlight. His expression was guarded. Shy but
hopeful all the same. “I’m fine,” he said quietly and tugged his sleeves even lower over his
hands as if to prove a point.
Belatedly Taehyung realized Jungkook was probably self-conscious about his scars. But
Yoongi walked around with them in plain sight and no one batted an eye. Maybe it was too
heavy of a topic to broach right now but out of all the issues he had with Jungkook, visible
self-harm scars were not one of them. He was still debating about whether or not to bring up
the topic when Jin walked out onto the porch and called out, “How’s it going out there?”

“Going good,” Namjoon replied, not looking up from his flower bed. “Want to join us?”

“No, I’m about to start dinner,” Jin said.

“I can help!” Jungkook said eagerly, standing upright so suddenly it caused Jemma to startle
from where she was still lounging in the grass.

“You don’t want to finish planting the garden?” Jin asked quizzically.

“Oh…” Jungkook said. His brow furrowed and he regarded the flowers and tools around his
feet like he’d forgotten all about the project he’d been in the middle of. Taehyung noticed
how clingy Jungkook was to Jin. It was hard not to. Jungkook would practically froth at the
mouth to get any chance to hang out with their dad. Any time Jin acknowledged Jungkook in
some positive - or even neutral way - Jungkook stared up at him like he had hung the moon
in the sky.

“It’s okay, we’re almost done here anyways Kook, you can go help Jin with dinner,”
Namjoon said.

“Okay!” Jungkook exclaimed, hastily brushing the dirt off his pants and sleeves before
running over to where Jin waited for him on the porch. Jin gave him a small smile and
Jungkook beamed a thousand-watt smile back at him.

It was a little unnerving, their closeness. And maybe Taehyung was a little jealous. But
mostly it was just odd. Jungkook wasn’t a toddler anymore, he had no reason to scurry after
their dads almost reverently and he already spent every day at home with Jin, how could he
want to spend even more time with him?

“He’s in a good mood today,” Taehyung commented with a quick glance at Namjoon after the
pair had retreated indoors.

Namjoon caught his gaze and held it, understanding what had been left unspoken. “Yes, well
it’s part of his disorder you know. It has to do with attachment styels. He just gets a little…
enamored sometimes with the people around him.”

“He’s not trying to avoid us, is he?” Jimin asked from where he’d been uncharacteristically
quiet the entire time with his tray of poppies. Out of all of them Jimin hated getting in trouble
the most and it would likely take him a few more days to get over it.

“No, I’m sure he was happy you guys joined us. I think he just wants to be with Jin right
now.”
“Alright,” Taehyung sighed, letting the matter drop. He had enough problems at the moment
and he didn’t need to go looking for more.

---

“Are you still mad at Tae?” Jungkook asked.

“Yeah, he’s an asshole,” Yoongi grunted.

“Well he’s been pretty nice lately I think,” Jungkook said, a little shy at the admission. “How
come you’re so mad at him?”

“It’s something between us Jungkook, don’t worry about it.”

“But if it’s not about me, why won’t you tell me?”

“Because it’s between us!” Yoongi snapped.

Jungkook flinched away, “Okay.”

It was obvious when Yoongi wanted to be left alone so Jungkook not only left his brother’s
room but the upstairs altogether. At the bottom of the stairs he ran into Hoseok who was just
returning from work, prying off his black no-slip kitchen shoes.

“Jungkook! David said to give this to you,” Hoseok greeted, rummaging through his bag he’d
tossed on the floor and pulling out something wrapped in paper. “It’s from Mia.”

“Oh thanks,” Jungkook accepted the gift. He could tell by the weight it was cloth under the
wrapping.

He held the gift carefully, almost reverently, before deciding to take it up to his room. He
scurried back the way he’d just come but made sure to tip-toe once he got closer to Yoongi
and Hoseok’s bedroom before slipping into his own room and shutting the door quietly. He
peeled the tape off the paper to find a folded black T-shirt in his size. Lifting it up so it
unraveled, he saw what it was – Mia and her family had gone to an Alicia Key’s concert over
the weekend and the shirt was merch from it. Alicia Key’s latest album cover was printed on
the front. She was by no means in his top favorite artists but he listened to her on occasion
and he appreciated the gesture, acutely aware at how little he did to maintain their friendship.
He changed into the shirt and snapped a mirror selfie. His finger was hovering over the send
button to Mia until he realized his arms were exposed and if you looked closely you could
see some of his scars. Hastily he exited out of the messaging app and redressed in the T-shirt,
this time with a white long-sleeved undershirt below it. He retook the selfie and sent it with a
string of happy emojis and a thank you.

Their message history made him uncomfortable – a mostly one-sided strings of texts from her
that he didn’t reply to. At best he would react with an emoji. Jungkook couldn’t help but
wonder how long it would be until she grew tired of him.

---
Jungkook set the news clipping down, licking his lips nervously.

“Any thoughts on it?” Jamie asked.

“It sucks…they just wanted to do something they were passionate about,” Jungkook said
eventually.

The article his therapist had given him was a piece written by a journalist about a prominent
dance company in Los Angeles. It was primarily a training facility for youth where it taught
them basics all the way to routines to be performed on the professional junior competition
circuit. Over the past months, allegations of teachers abusing their power came to light as
former students spoke up and made statements. It led to an investigation by local authorities
which ultimately revealed long-term, ongoing abuse. The accusations ranged from telling
girls to wear more sexually revealing outfits when competing in front of male judges and
inappropriate messages on social media to giving drugs and alcohol and sexually assaulting
the dancers in hotels while away for competitions.

“Mmh,” Jamie agreed. She didn’t push him to elaborate but also didn’t contribute further.

Jungkook bit his lip, thinking about the paragraph that claimed a fourteen year old male
dancer had been raped by one of the male choreographers. Another male student who was a
couple years older than that had basically been used as a drug mule for some of the teachers.

“My brothers are into dance too,” Jungkook said. “They’re on the school dance team.”

“Yes you’ve said that before,” Jamie replied. Jungkook had told her every last detail of all his
family members over the past months.

“Yeah,” Jungkook said awkwardly. “I used to like dancing too.”

“Not anymore?”

“Not really.”

“Why’s that?” Jamie pressed.

“I don’t know.”

They lapsed back into silence. Jungkook fidgeted with a pencil he had grabbed from the table
at some point. He twirled it nervously.

“I just don’t understand, why is it so common?” he eventually asked.

“Why is what so common?”

“Adults…you know…doing things like that,” Jungkook replied, gesturing to the article. “I
know they say people repeat that kind of stuff if it happened to them.”

Jamie pushed a strand of her mousy brown hair behind her ear, “That’s true for some cases,”
she agreed.
“But I don’t believe it’s true for that dance studio. Like what? A group of adults who all
studied dance and were abused when they were younger somehow met and decided to open a
dance studio together? Yeah right,” he scoffed. “I bet they just like the power it gives them.”

“Yes, a lot of abusers hurt others because it gives them a sense of power, akin to an
adrenaline rush. The same is often true for bullying in schools. Psychologists used to think it
was because they were being abused at homes but recent research implies that bullies are
often popular and well-liked by their peers and enabled by their parents,” Jamie said.

“Well, I actually think the old research is true for the students at the school I went to when I
lived with my dad then,” Jungkook said.

“Why’s that?” Jamie asked.

“You think the students at Pinewood have good home lives?” Jungkook scoffed. “That school
has metal detectors that we had to walk through every morning to make sure no one was
bringing in weapons. And that’s just the middle school, I heard the high school also has
police officers stationed at the entrance. Besides, it’s not even a secret over there,” Jungkook
said.

“What do you mean by that?” Jamie prompted.

“I mean it like I said. Everyone’s parents or relative or whoever they live with, like, hits them
or whatever,” Jungkook replied. It wasn’t even really an exaggeration. He had overheard
more than one conversation where students got into boastful competitions about who had it
the worst by detailing the kinds of ways their parents or guardians would beat the shit out of
them. Having your parents slap your around was not newsworthy for the kids who went to
Pinewood middle school. Barely worth lunchtime gossip.

Jamie was frowning. “And there was a lot of bullying amongst these students?”

“Yeah. And it was so obvious I wasn’t from that sort of…background. Kind of. They figured
out I went to Brown middle school before transferring there so I guess it made me an easy
target. The teachers didn’t even care who started the fights, they just got mad at everyone.”

He’d already talked a bit about his time at Pinewood before. He’d told her about the kind-of
fight he got into.

“Was the bullying always physical?” Jamie asked.

“No..did I tell you before? They also knew about Jin and Joon. I don’t know how.” Jungkook
leaned further forward to try and put more pressure on his stomach that was jittery with
butterflies. Sometimes pressure helped his nerves. He wrapped one arm around his torso
while the other continued to play with the pencil. What he really wanted to do was continue
to rip into the pillow he picked apart piece by piece during his sessions but it was no longer
there. Instead there was a fresh, new decorative pillow in bright yellow to his right. The
thought of ruining another one made him feel bad even if Jamie had bought it for his benefit.

“So they knew you lived with foster parents before going to Pinewood?” Jamie clarified.
“Well, I’m not sure exactly. Just that they knew I lived with, um a couple, who is..are…gay.
They don’t really like that sort of thing over there,” Jungkook said, his voice dropping off to
a whisper. He thought of the hateful words he had launched at Jin and Joon not all that long
ago. He’d made them cry. “And they’re all stupid so they thought that made me gay too or
something, I don’t know.” He swore his throat was beginning to feel sore with how hard the
words were to get out, like they were poisoning him. He took a sip of the complementary
water.

“I’m not gay,” he added.

“Okay, but it’s fine if you are or don’t know yet. There’s nothing wrong with it,” Jamie said.

“I know that!” he snapped, throwing the pencil onto the coffee table between them with an
unsatisfying clatter. Of course he did, he lived with two dads. “And I hate the stupid idea
everyone has that just because someone is gay that it makes them want to hurt –

He cut himself off and glared tearfully at the news clipping that still lay on the table.

“They want to hurt…?” Jamie prompted after giving Jungkook a few moments to sniffle
angrily and rub his eyes with his sleeve. He stubbornly ignored the tissues that sat nearby.

“You know, like everyone thinks…gay..people want to attack children or something.”

“Who is this ‘everyone’? The kids at your former school?” Jamie asked.

“Yeah but even adults think that.” Jungkook gestured back to the article that lay innocently
on the table, “You think people aren’t going to read the part about the male teacher who did
that to that student and assume he isn’t gay? They’ll probably think the student is too and
somehow that makes it make more sense. I don’t know. It’s stupid but everyone thinks that
and it’s not true and I’m not gay and I didn’t want it and I know it doesn’t matter even if I
was gay but I’m just saying it’s a thing people think and it doesn’t actually make any sense
even though a lot of people think it does!” he shouted.

He doubted he was making any sense. There were too many angry thoughts bouncing around
in his head. Frustrated, he pressed his palms into his eye sockets until they ached.

“Jungkook,” Jamie reminded.

She didn’t like it when he did things like that. He curled his hands into fists instead and
wrapped his arms back around himself in a pathetic self-hug as he glared at the wall to the
left of Jamie.

“It must be hard to hear all this constant judgement,” Jamie said. “It’s not fair and I agree
with you that it doesn’t make sense, even if abusers and victims are sometimes gay.”

“Exactly,” he said, still angry. “I just don’t know why so many adults have to be like that,” he
said glancing at the article again, vaguely aware he had circled back to the comment he had
made earlier. “Why can’t they just have taught the students the fucking dance routines and
left it at that?” Unlike Jin or Joon, Jamie never minded if he swore.
“I don’t know either,” Jamie said. “People wrongly abuse their power.”

“Now they ruined all those students’ lives and probably their interest in dance too.”

“Their lives aren’t ruined,” Jamie countered, “It’s a trauma that has to be processed,
definitely, but it doesn’t mean they can’t live a full life because of it. It doesn’t even mean
they can’t continue to find joy in dancing.” Jungkook suspected Jamie thought she could
shove hope into him if she tried hard enough. Maybe it worked with her other patients but he
doubted she’d had one as far gone as he was.

“Well, if it were me, I wouldn’t want do it anymore,” Jungkook said.

“You already said you don’t do it anymore.” Jamie asked.

Jungkook bit his lip. That was true and he hadn’t ever been exposed to anything negative
when he danced or played soccer, but now the prospect of either of his former athletic
hobbies frightened him. He didn't want to be around other people. He didn’t want any
unnecessary bodily contact. He didn’t want to risk a sport’s injury and be in pain and
hobbling around. A twisted ankle or broken bone was different than a cut on his arm or even
sore fingers from guitar.

“I could dance if I wanted to,” he defended. “I just have other interests now. Music and
drawing is better anyways.”

“It’s natural for our hobbies to evolve over time,” Jamie agreed.

Somehow Jungkook managed to spend another twenty minutes avoiding commenting further
on the article or the bullying at Pinewood. Jamie was still doing the slow approach with him
and if he at least addressed something vaguely related to his traumas he could spend the rest
of the session how he wished. Whether or not it was her plan and he was being manipulated
by her he didn’t really care, instead he jumped at the opportunity to talk about his guitar and
the songs he was learning and even let her listen to a snippet of his guitar cover of his
favorite song from Billie Eilish’s new album Happier Than Ever.

“That’s really nice, Jungkook. What did you say the song was called?” Jamie asked after the
recording ended.

“Your Power…the lyrics basically quote what you said earlier about people abusing their
power.”

Jamie suddenly looked very interested as if she was hoping he would go back to the article
that still lay innocently on the table in front of them.

“Oh!” Jungkook exclaimed hurrieldy, “I wanted to show you the music video, it’s really cool!
So her album is coming out soon, this is one of the promotional singles for it.”

“I’d like to see it. One sec,” Jamie stood up and went to the other side of the room where her
desk was and grabbed her Ipad. “Want to pull it up?”
Jungkook browsed Youtube and opened the music video while Jamie sat beside him on the
couch. He set the tablet propped up on the coffee table and they watched in silence. Jungkook
hadn’t looked forward to anything for a long time but ever since Billie Eilish announced her
new album he was counting down the days. All of her previous songs on older albums were
based on imaginative stories she and her brother created so he had been looking forward to
more quirky and dark concepts like that.

He hadn’t expected to have been gutted by the release of the first single, Your Power, which
directly and candidly addressed statutory rape. The lyrics made the victims out to be a young
female but it may as well have been Jungkook.

Alone in his room at night and unable to sleep, he watched the music video on loop for hours.
It was minimalist, as was much of her stuff with raw vocals and acoustics. In the video she
was alone in a desert. A massive python slowly winded its way around her body. Clouds blew
in and obscured the sun. The music video ended with a slow zoom out leaving her all alone in
the desert mountains, the serpent wrapped around her neck in a stranglehold.

He couldn’t help but continuously glance at Jamie as she watched the music video. She
pretended not to notice his eyes on her, remaining focused on the screen.

“You find it relatable? You said it was related to what we talked about earlier,” she asked
when the video finally ended and the screen went to black.

“Well, I, um. I guess. Yeah. You could say that. I just really like it. I watched it a million
times and then all the reaction videos people made too. And covers. I don’t know,” he
rambled.

There was a lingering silence that made him feel nervous and awkward. “Do you want to
watch it again? Maybe there’s, like, stuff you didn’t catch the first time,” he said.

“Sure,” she agreed.

They watched it again and this time Jungkook felt pressured to point out all the small details.

“Did you hear how they included a police siren in the background at this part?”

“Look, the sky is getting progressively darker. See the clouds coming in there?”

She nodded in acknowledgement at all his remarks.

After the second time she posed the question, “What do you think the snake represents in this
video?”

“Well it’s obvious isn’t it?” Jungkook asked. It wasn’t really open for interpretation. It
couldn’t get more heavy-handed in its message if it tried. “The snake is the guy who hurt her
or the girl she was talking about in the lyrics. I was surprised at how dumb people were in
reaction videos. Like they just didn’t get it or were like ‘what’s the snake supposed to mean’.
Or they were more interested in whether it was CGI or not. And so many thought it was
about a break up but if you listen to the lyrics at all it’s clearly about-
His mouth clamped shut. Jamie’s eyes bored into him.

“Assault,” he finally muttered. Words like ‘sex’ or ‘rape’ were still taboo for him and even
thinking them made his tongue feel like it was on fire. He rushed on, trying to leave even the
shadow of the words behind. “But yeah, a lot of people in reaction videos didn’t get that or
thought it was about something else. They’re so dumb.”

“Once art is released into the world its open for interpretation by anyone who sees it,” Jamie
countered.

“I mean maybe yeah for like abstract paintings or something. But there is literally lyrics
detailing an underage relationship without metaphors or anything. How is that open for
interpretation?” Jungkook continued. He was getting annoyed and rolled his eyes. Was Jamie
playing dumb just to piss him off in a half-assed attempt to get him to talk more? The thought
angered him even more. “If you’re just going to act stupid I'm not going to tell you
anything!” It came out louder and more heated than he intended.

Jamie didn’t flinch but regarded him intently. He couldn’t bring himself to apologize.

“I’m not saying that the artist didn’t intend for the song to be about what you described. Just
that people can project their own ideas onto it and its still valid even if it isn’t how you or
even the artist sees it,” Jamie said.

“Whatever. She said in an interview it was about assault so that’s what people should think
about when they watch it.” Billie Eilish had used the words ‘statutory rape’ to be exact. If he
was braver he would use those words too.

“Have you showed it to anyone else?” she asked.

“Hm, maybe not, like, directly. But she’s really famous so, like, I’m sure everyone’s seen it
already.”

“I’m sure people would like to talk about it with you if they knew how much you related the
song and video,” she said.

“Jin and Joon wouldn’t understand. I don’t know. They’re too old to like stuff like this,”
Jungkook refused.

“I think they’d be interested because you’re interested. Not necessarily because you may or
may not have the same music tastes. I wasn’t just talking about them though. Yoongi or Mia
might also like to hear your opinion on it,” Jamie encouraged.

“Yeah,” Jungkook said weakly. Both Yoongi and Mia knew he loved Billie Eilish. Mia had
even texted him a ‘!!!!!!!’ when the announcement of her new album came out. She
messaged him again after Your Power was released but the text hadn’t said anything, it was
just a link to the video. She was probably waiting for him to start talking about it first. Maybe
she had a suspicion of what had happened to him but hopefully because he was the bigger fan
of Billie and wanted him to express his opinion first. He thought of the souvenir Hoseok had
given him on her behalf and was reminded again of what a terrible friend he was.
 Later that day, even though it was still light out, he crawled into bed and pulled the cover
over his head, phone in hand. Navigating to his chat with Mia, even though her message
linking the music video had been days ago and he had never really replied to it, he responded
to it now. He reacted to her message with the heart emoji and then typed out a reply
containing his own link.

Jungkook: Did you see this interview she did about it? I thought it was really good.

He then scrolled up to their conversation from awhile back.

Jungkook: Just promise

Jungkook: That you won’t tell anyone

Mia: of course I won’t!

Jungkook: well its just that my stepbrothers I lived with when I was w my dad would take
embarrassing videos of me and like, blackmail me w them idk

Mia: is that why you left to live w your dads again?

Jungkook: I mean its more complicated than that but yeah basically i guess

His throat tightened and he felt tears bleed out of the corner of his eyes. There was no way
she wouldn’t be able to connect the dots now.

Chapter End Notes

Your Power in case you live under a rock!

Decided to split the chapter up into two parts so I could get an update out earlier. :^)
 Chapter 31
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes

“Hey dad?”

Jin froze, an expression of almost shock on his face. The suddenness of it all caused
Jungkook himself to flinch and he was tempted to turn around to see if there was a ghost
behind him that had startled Jin. But before he could question it, Jin had schooled his facial
expression back to normal and Jungkook was left to wonder if he had imagined the whole
thing.

“What is it Kook?”

“Um, uh, I was just wondering if Mia could come over again some time.”

“Oh..sure, sweetheart. Maybe you can ask her if she wants to come to the community theatre
this weekend to see Midsummer?”

“Maybe,” Jungkook shifted from foot to foot. Around the time school let out for the summer
there would be a Shakespeare festival downtown for a week. Every year the community
theatre would choose a different play and every year their family would go. It wasn’t actually
in the theatre itself but outside on a stretch of grass near the river that snaked through the city.

Jungkook wouldn’t say any of their family members had a particularly big interest in
Shakespeare but the atmosphere was nice and there was a lot to see, do and eat. Inviting Mia
to watch the play could be convenient because he was still awkward and anxious and all the
entertainment options would give him an excuse to not have to talk that much. At the same
time, he had been brainstorming how to get out of the excursion for days because he would
definitely run into his old friends from school since it was more or less The Summer Event.

“It’ll be fun,” Jin prompted, sensing his hesitation.

“Yeah,” Jungkook said lamely.

---

“Jungkook called me dad for the first time since…since I don’t even know when,” Jin told
Jamie at the next session, a prickly feeling resurfacing behind his eyes at the mere
recollection of it. His surprise must’ve been obvious because Jungkook had shied away from
him. “And it just slipped out naturally, you know? It wasn’t some, I don’t know, manipulation
tactic or anything. He just wanted to know if his friend could come over.”

“That’s great Jin,” Jamie said. “He’s been making a lot of great progress lately.”

“He has,” Jin agreed. It was such a small thing, yet felt so massive.
“And how are his relationships with his brothers?”

“Better too. I think part of the problem wasn’t just Jungkook but our next youngest,
Taehyung. He was also dealing with something and I think he was partly taking out his
frustrations on Jungkook. They were pretty remorseful of their actions once we talked it out.”

His other kids had been making good on their promise to behave better towards Jungkook
and they’d talked with Taehyung’s grandma to learn that she’d managed to get Taehyung’s
mother a place in a different clinic. In all likelihood this rehab stay would only put a
temporary stop to his mother’s drinking but Tae had practically melted with relief at the news
and they were going to visit her this week since the school term had finally ended last Friday.
Despite good behavior, his children were by no means off the hook for violating Jungkook’s
privacy and his own trust and remained on extra chore duty for the foreseeable future.

Jin had also been worried that the rest of his children’s attempts to make amends would be
met with unbridled anger on Jungkook’s end – which is what had pushed them away in the
first place - and then they would give up and be back to square one. However, it was
unnervingly easy for them to get back into Jungkook’s good graces. As soon as his brothers
showed him one small act of kindness, Jungkook was following them around like a lost
duckling. Maybe he shouldn't be surprised, his disorder often came with that sort of thing.
Another part of Jin tried to not read too much into it, it was just the natural human desire to
rekindle lost relationships and Jamie herself had said that would be good for him.

“Jungkook can get a bit..overly attached to them at times though. Like he often is with me,”
Jin explained.

Jin tried his best to mediate if he was around. Sometimes he would see Jimin’s eyebrow
twitch in annoyance or Hobi’s smile falter as every action was met with Jungkook’s
questioning - where are you going, what are you doing, how long will you be gone, can I
come?

Times like these Jin would gently step in and offer redirection. "Hey Kook, can you help me
with dinner instead?" Or "Jungkook, it's time for Binky’s physical therapy, how about you go
do that?" Jungkook had also been pretty sleepy lately, which Jin chalked up to some minor
adjustments in his medication, so his clinginess was a bit more subdued this week.

“I think you should keep doing what you’re doing then,” Jamie advised. “As long as you’re
giving him other outlets - and it looks like he’s seeking them out on his own now too if he
wants to see his friend – then it’s healthy progress.”

“It is,” Jin agreed, a smile on his lips.

---

Even if no one was a Shakespeare aficionado, Jimin, Taehyung, Hoseok and Namjoon liked
this sort of thing the most out of all them. Both Jin’s and Yoongi’s eyes had glazed over a
while ago but they continued to sit politely. Luckily Mia was watching eagerly and Jungkook
distantly recalled she did theatre as an elective. Jungkook normally would be somewhat
interested too but he was more concerned about running into former friends and classmates.
Nervously, Jungkook scanned the crowd yet again for any familiar faces, subconsciously
tugging his hat down lower as he did so. He startled as the audience erupted into laughter.
Jin’s hand fell on his shoulder and gave it squeeze. Jungkook’s fingers curled into the fabric
of the worn black-and-yellow plaid blanket they sat on, every lump of grass palpable under
him.

He risked a glance at Mia to see if she noticed his reaction but her gaze was still fixated on
the play, eyes sparkling in delight and lips pulled into a smile as she laughed along with the
audience.

Jungkook really didn’t want to be here. He knew Jin and Joon wanted him to go out more
and, even worse, to school in the fall. At least in this crowd of outdoor community theatre
goers he was somewhat anonymous. Even if some of his classmates had seen him they
wouldn’t risk disrupting the play to talk to him. But at school? Everyone would stare at him.
They’d want to know where he’d gone and why he was back. They’d realize his last name
had changed and that he’d been adopted. They’d want to know all the circumstances that had
lead up to it because for so long he’d been Jungkook Jeon. Jungkook also suspected Jin and
Joon just wanted him out of the house because they were sick of him. He tried to ignore the
feeling but it lingered no matter how hard he tried to shake it off, sticking to him like a leech.

The play droned on and his eyes were beginning to glaze over too. He was biting back a
yawn when he felt another squeeze on his shoulder and looked up at Jin to see the all-too-
familiar crease of concern between his eyebrows. Even when Jin’s brows weren’t furrowed
there was now a permanent, albeit faint, wrinkle there. Jungkook was pretty sure the skin had
been smooth before he went to live with his father. Jungkook shrugged off Jin’s hand and
turned his gaze back to the play, pretending to pay attention although his vision was bleary
and unfocused. Maybe he wouldn’t be able to go to school when it came down to it but he
didn’t want them to think he was a total lost cause just yet.

---

Minutes ticked by and the play eventually came to an end, accompanied by thunderous
applause. Jungkook had been falling into a doze and blinked awake, startled.

People started picking up their belongings. Mia stood up next to him and brushed imaginary
dirt from her pants.

“Alright, shall we get something to eat?” Namjoon asked, clapping his hands together, as his
own family stretched out their cramps from sitting.

There was a chorus of eager ‘yes’s and Jungkook tried to agree too but somehow his ‘yes’
came out later than everyone else’s and lingered in the air all alone and he felt embarrassed
by it. His palms were sweaty and he picked at his swollen nail beds. No one seemed to notice
and everyone began making their way to a nearby bridge to the line of food trucks on the
other side of the river, sheltered by the shade of the trees.

Jin fished some cash from his pocket and pawned some from Namjoon’s wallet before
handing them all ten dollars, including Mia. “Here, everyone go get what they want and we’ll
meet by this tree in twenty minutes, okay?”
Jimin and Taehyung nodded eagerly before running off together. Jungkook watched them go,
wishing they had invited him to tag along.

“Hoseok, you go with Jungkook and Mia.”

“Sure,” his brother said.

The spark of resentment flared to life in Jungkook’s gut. No one else needed a chaperone. But
he was also scared to be alone and Mia didn’t count and he would look like a dumb baby if
he went where Jin and Joon went.

“Jungkook?”

He looked up and saw Mia looking back at him, her and Hoseok already starting to wander
off. He stumbled after them.

“What..what do you want to eat?” Jungkook asked.

“I'm vegetarian so most of its ruled out for me. But there’s some new vegan trucks this year
that I hear are really good. I think they’re at the end.”

“Oh..you’re vegetarian?” Jungkook asked. How had he not known that?

“Yeah, almost a year now actually. My whole family decided to give it a try and it’s pretty
nice.”

“I could never do that,” Hoseok sighed.

They wandered down the road, looking at all the options until they arrived at a vegan truck
Mia deemed suitable.

“Okay, I’m gonna get something from this one,” Hoseok said, jutting his thumb at a German-
style one behind them, serving mainly sausages.

Mia’s nose pinched in distaste but she didn’t say anything. Both their expectant gazes turned
to Jungkook.

“Oh…uh. I’ll just get something here with Mia.”

“Since when are you vegan?” Hoseok asked skeptically. “You need your protein.”

“I just want to try it!” Jungkook said defensively.

“Vegan food has plenty of protein,” Mia added haughtily.

Hoseok rolled his eyes. “Okay, okay. Suit yourselves. Come to my line if you get your stuff
first.”

His brother turned away and he and Mia stood side by side as their line crept closer and
closer to the ordering window. Jungkook read and re-read the menu, trying to find the easiest
thing to pronounce. He decided on the mushroom burger and rehearsed it in his head.

Mushroom burger, no mustard, lemonade and sweet potato fries. Mushroom burger, no
mustard, lemonade and sweet potato fries. Mushroom burger, no mustard, lemonade and
sweet potato fries.

Maybe he shouldn’t get a side. That was a lot of food.

Mushroom burger, no mustard, and a lemonade. Mushroom burger, no mustard, and a

lemonade. Mushroom burger, no mustard and a-

“Jungkook?” a voice called out, interrupting his mantra. This time it wasn’t his brother or
Mia. Icy dread filled his stomach. He decided to pretend he hadn’t heard it.

Mushroom burger, no-

“Jungkook, look it’s Jake!” Mia said happily, tapping him on his shoulder.

He reluctantly turned in the direction of the voice to see the boy he had once called his best
friend making his way over. Jacob’s hair was a lot longer than when Jungkook had last seen
him. His former-friend flicked his bangs out of his eyes as he approached. He held a carton of
curly cheese fries in one of his hands.

“JK! Hey Mia,” Jacob exclaimed as he stopped by Mia. “How are you! I haven’t seen you in
forever!”

His friend was all smiles but Jungkook saw the questions in his eyes and the way he looked
curiously at Mia. Then his scrutinizing gaze turned to him and Jungkook felt his neck heat
up.

“Uh..yeah..I uh…”

“You deleted your Instagram and snapchat right? Did your number change? I haven’t been
able to message you at all,” Jacob continued.

“Oh..um…no but I’m not sure. I don’t know,” Jungkook said lamely. “How are you?”

“Oh…uh..good. Yeah. I heard you were back with your foster parents. My mom saw your
foster-dad a while back.”

“They’re not his foster parents anymore,” Mia corrected. “They’re just his parents now.”

Even under his too-long bangs Jungkook could tell Jake’s eyebrows flew up even higher.
“For real? Like they adopted you?”

“Yeah,” Jungkook mumbled, suddenly feeling embarrassed. Jake was one of the only people
Jungkook had confided in that his biggest wish was for Jin and Joon to adopt him. So why
did it feel so shitty to say now?

“That’s great dude!”

“Yeah,” Jungkook repeated.

“Oh, look, it’s our turn to order,” Mia said, pushing Jungkook forward.

“Okay, I’ll wait for you guys,” Jacob said.

“Actually, we have to go meet Jungkook’s family after we’re done,” Mia continued.

“Oh, uh. Alright. Well, I’ll see you around?” Jacob asked and his voice was so full of
insecurity and disappointment that it made guilt twist painfully in Jungkook’s core.

“Yeah,” Jungkook said again, trying to put more confidence behind the words this time. It
still withered and fell flat in the air between them. Jacob held his gaze for a second, looking
hurt.

“I’ll text you,” Jungkook promised, thinking of the unanswered texts from Jake that sat in
their messenger chat. They’d came less and less frequently until he stopped sending them at
all.

“Cool. Well, uh, bye then. Bye Mia,” Jacob said giving them a small smile before turning
away and vanishing quickly among the crowd.

Mia waved after him before grabbing Jungkook’s sleeve and tugging him to the side.
Jungkook tried to focus but he felt confused, his head stuffed full of cotton. They used to be
so close and people always found it amusing how their names, or nicknames at least were
also so similar. JK and Jake. The soccer buddies. The best friends. Their lockers had even
ended up next to each other in seventh grade until Jungkook left to go live with his dad.
Where was Mia bringing him? Weren’t they supposed to do something?

“I ordered for you,” Mia said. “I hope you don’t mind.”

“Oh. Thanks.” Jungkook said, realizing the ten dollar bill was no longer in his sweaty hand
and they were now standing beneath the shade of a tree as they waited for an employee to call
out their order.

“Hey are you okay? Should I get Hoseok?”

“No…no. I’m fine,” Jungkook said, blinking rapidly and wiping perspiration from his
forehead. “Sorry, I just didn’t..expect to run into anyone. It’s fine.” He certainly had expected
it but that hadn’t made it any easier.

“Okay,” Mia said. “I’m sorry..maybe you didn’t want him to know you were adopted I
shouldn’t have said that.”

“What? No. I don’t care about that,” Jungkook said.

She didn’t say anything else and pushed up her rather obnoxious heart-shaped sunglasses
higher on her nose bridge, obscuring her eyes. Jungkook stared at his feet.
Hoseok finally got his own order and sauntered over to join them. One hand held his carton
of currywurst and the other he slung around Jungkook’s shoulders. If either Hobi or Mia
noticed his red eyes, they were kind enough not to mention it.

---

“Alright Kook, see you soon,” Jin joked as he always did as they reached the door to Jamie’s
office.

To be honest, it always felt awkward to Jin to leave Jungkook at the door since they both
knew Jin was going to discuss Jungkook’s most personal issues without him. No matter how
routine therapy had become it never felt less weird to Jin to leave Jungkook at the doorstep.

On the other hand, Jungkook didn’t seem put off and made no effort to respond to his banter.
His son had been padding after him all morning, quiet as a mouse, and now curled up just as
silently in the armchair outside Jamie’s office to wait his turn.

Jin hesitated a moment longer before knocking on the door and letting himself in. He hoped
they could start the conjoint sessions soon and he could leave this nasty feeling of gossiping
behind.

“You specialize in personality disorders in youth, right?” Jin asked after he made himself as
comfortable as he could on Jamie’s couch.

“I wouldn’t say I specialize in it. In general my area is broader – trauma and abuse in
adolescents,” Jamie said.

“But Jungkook isn’t your first patient with it, right?”

“No, he’s not.”

“Do you see this type of abuse in a lot of your patients?”

“I’ve worked with a lot youth who have experienced sexual abuse. However its usually solely
within the family or someone close to the family. Obviously Jungkook’s stepbrothers meet
the criteria for that. But I can’t say if I’ve worked with a patient who was abused so…
widely.”

There had been three other children who were rescued within the city as part of the ring
Jonathon and Kevin had been involved in. Jin didn’t have any more information than that. He
wondered how they were coping. If they were. If they had the opportunity to attend a clinic as
equipped as this one. He was left to wonder.

“Why do you ask?” Jamie inquired.

“Oh..I don’t know. It’s just. It feels lonely sometimes. Like I’ve read the materials you’ve
recommended me and done my own research but I still don’t know anyone else who has
Jungkook’s disorder. Or any parents who have children who went through such…traumatic
events. It just feels like us against the world sometimes, you know?” Jin sighed. Yoongi had
his own past but it was world’s different than Jungkook’s and he couldn’t say it had helped to
prepare him for handling Jungkook.

Jamie’s eyes were sympathetic. “For the group DBT he will do in the future, we also have an
optional support group for the parents. I think you’ll see it’s not as uncommon as you might
think and it may be a good support system for you.”

“Yeah,” Jin agreed half-heartedly. “And Jungkook is doing better lately, he really is. But it
still just feels so slow. And I should be happy and celebrating his progress but instead I’m
just…I don’t know. This,” Jin said, gesturing to himself with a half-hearted wave.

“Being a caretaker of someone with a physical or mental illness is often isolating. If you can,
I recommend you try to take some time for yourself and only yourself. Even if it’s only an
hour once a week, if you can get out of the house it might help to avoid burnout.”

“I’m not burned out,” Jin retorted, feeling indignant that she could suggest such a thing. “I
love Jungkook, I’ll always be there when he needs me.”

“It’s not always possible to be there when you are needed,” Jamie countered. “And it’s okay
to be tired or lonely. It has nothing to do with how much you love Jungkook.”

She was right as she always was. Jin certainly hadn’t been there for Jungkook the nine
months he was living with his father. When Jungkook was pulling away from their family
and Jin had his suspicions that something was wrong he still had done nothing more than
pester his social service’s agent once or twice. Part of him still wanted to confess to Jungkook
how guilty he felt, how sorry he was he hadn’t tried to help him sooner. Jin had hashed out all
of these feelings with Jamie before. Her advice was to not let Jungkook know about his
remorse because his son would likely feel burdened by the guilt and like he had to appease
him and Namjoon on top of managing his own emotions.

Jin dragged his hand down his face wearily and his palm was greeted with the rough texture
of stubble on his jaw. He wondered when the last time he shaved was. As he searched for
more words he wanted to say the door swung inward and a frazzled-looking Jungkook
stumbled in. His eyes were glassy and tufts of his hair stuck up in gravity-defying directions.

“Sweetheart, what’s wrong?” Jin asked looking over his shoulder.

He was about to stand up but Jungkook rushed the few steps over and curled onto the couch
right beside Jin, not even bothering to take his shoes off before the door could even shut
behind him with an almost silent thump.

“Just…just a bad dream,” Jungkook croaked. His son’s gaze was averted but Jin could feel
him trembling slightly against his bicep and noted the purple halfmoons under his eyes that
had only grown darker since this morning.

“You fell asleep out there?” Jin asked.

Jungkook nodded wordlessly and his hands crept out to clutch Jin’s sleeve, worrying the
fabric as if it was the only thing keeping him anchored in the moment. And with how often
Jungkook disassociated, it probably was.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Jamie asked, her eyes soft.

“No. I don’t remember it anyways. I want to..I want to go home,” Jungkook whispered.

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea, Kook. I know you’re tired but I think being here is what
you need right now,” Jin said.

Jungkook hunched further into the couch. He removed his hand from Jin’s sleeve to draw it
to his chest and pouted his lips. He often didn’t want to go to therapy and on his worse days
would even feign illness but the feeling usually passed quickly.

“How have you been sleeping lately Jungkook? Do you take a lot of naps?” Jamie asked.

“I don’t know. Not well I guess. Sometimes I nap.”

“And the nightmares? Have you been having a lot of them lately?”

“Not a lot..just...just sometimes. Mostly I just have trouble falling asleep because I’m…
because I feel…”

“Anxious?”

“Yeah,” Jungkook mumbled. His brief moment of petulance had passed and he again pressed
himself self-consciously against Jin’s side.

Nice to know that increasing his anxiety medication by 5mg again hadn’t helped. He was just
anxious and tired.

“What have you been doing lately in terms of exercise? Do you get out of the house every
day and go walking or anything like that?” Jamie asked.

“Binky’s injured!” Jungkook snapped, the words coming out like an accusation as if it was
his therapist’s fault. “He can’t walk.”

“We may have been slacking a little in the exercise department now that Binky’s laid out for
a few weeks,” Jin admitted.

“Well, as I’ve said before your physical health – meaning nutrition and exercise - lays the
foundation for everything else. Maybe you can think of a different activity to do together
while Binky gets better,” Jamie suggested.

Jin frowned as he took in Jungkook’s curled form. He still looked so fragile. While his eating
habits were getting a little better, he was still underweight. Even walking wore Jungkook out
and he refused to do it if Binky couldn’t come.

“Maybe we could try some yoga. Remember we used to do it together every now and then
with Hobi and Jimin back in the day,” Jin said, nudging Jungkook gently with his shoulder.
“I don’t want to do yoga,” Jungkook mumbled. “It’s stupid.”

“I think it’s a good idea,” Jamie said. “You’ll probably see improvement in your mood and
sleeping if you start exercising again.”

“I won’t,” Jungkook protested but the matter was already decided and Jin added exercise to
his mental to-do list. The to-do list that only grew and never shrank.

---

As Jin and Hoseok held downward dog on either side of him, Jungkook’s arms trembled with
exertion and he dropped down to all fours self-consciously. He was about to press back up
into the position but the video was already moving on to the next move.

“Go at your own pace,” the lady on Youtube reminded them. “Feel your breath.”

It wasn’t a competition but he still couldn’t help but feel surprised and disappointed at how
weak he’d become. While flexibility had never his forte, he’d always been involved in sports
in some capacity and back in seventh grade he and Namjoon had often gone jogging together.
Although Joon’s legs were a mile long each, Jungkook could still keep pace with him. Now
he dragged his feet even when he walked.

“Are you feeling okay Kookie? You can take a break if you need it,” Jin spoke up from his
left.

“I’m fine!” Jungkook replied as he hastily transitioned into the warrior two pose and tried to
contain his panting. A bead of sweat rolled down and dripped off the tip of his chin onto the
mat.

There was a noise behind him and he turned his head to see Jimin sauntering in.“Are you
doing yoga?”

“Yes, you can join us,” Jin said. “Although I don’t know where our other yoga mats have run
off to.”

“I don’t need a yoga mat,” Jimin said, taking the space on Hobi’s other side after he toed off
his socks.

Jungkook huffed in annoyance but didn’t have the breathe to protest as they transitioned back
into downward dog. Again, he had to go down on all fours. He looked at his brothers. Jimin
shuffled backward, still in the pose until he could put his feet on the couch. “Hobi look!” his
brother said as he started to twerk awkwardly.

Hoseok burst into laughter so hard that he collapsed onto his side. Jungkook rolled his eyes
and wanted to act annoyed but his lips twitched upwards of their own accord.

“Remember to modify the pose as you need to,” the lady on Youtube said.

Hoseok laughed harder. Jungkook bit his lip to prevent a giggle from escaping.
“What is that? What are you doing?” Jin asked, who had been taking the whole session a
little too seriously.

“Don’t worry about it dad,” Jimin said, stepping his feet off the couch and gracefully
swanning into cobra-pose.

Finally they moved into the cooldown part of the workout, simple cat and cows which was
good because Jungkook didn’t know how much more he could handle although the video was
labelled for beginners and barely twenty minutes long.

“Dad have you heard of goat yoga? It’s all over the internet,” Hoseok said.

“Goats can do yoga?” Jin asked.

“No,” Jimin explained. “Yoga poses but with a goat on top of you. Here, I’ll show you.”

Jimin stood up and pried Jemma off the couch who had been watching them sweat with an air
of condescension only a cat could have. “Hold still,” Jimin told Jin before setting Jemma on
his back.

“I don’t get it,” Jin said.

“What’s not to get?” Hoseok asked.

Jemma dug her claws into Jin’s back as she kneaded his flesh.

“Ow! Ow! Get her off me!” Jin cried as he flopped onto his side. Jemma slid off his back
onto the carpet and hissed at him before darting out of the room.

“The best cat pose I’ve ever seen,” Hoseok said.

“That was such a dad joke,” Jungkook commented. “And this is why Jemma only likes me.”

“You love dad jokes though!” Hoseok said, reaching over and ruffling Jungkook’s sweaty
hair.

“The point is that they’re only funny when dad makes them.”

“They’re not funny when anyone makes them,” Jimin said.

“Good job,” Youtube-yoga-lady said as she laid back in Shavasana.

“This is my favorite part,” Jin groaned flopping onto his back and closing his eyes.

“That’s such an old person thing to say,” Hoseok said.

“I’m not old! Now be quiet and feel your breath and spirit ascending or whatever the hell she
wants us to do,” Jin ordered.

Jungkook obediently lay on his back and his heart rate gradually slowed down. His limbs felt
like jelly and for the first time in a while felt exhausted in a good way.
 ---

He was forgetting more. At first it was smaller chunks of time but now there were massive
gaps in his memory which he was sure he had remembered before. Like watching the lights
in a building going off one by one until only a smattering remained lit.

It wasn’t just the times someone hurt him that Jungkook couldn’t recall. The entire time he
was with his father was littered with holes, particularly the summer before eighth grade. It
made sense in a way for his mind to repress the horrible, terrible stuff Jonathon and Kevin
and all the others had done to him. But the happy memories were gone too. There was just
nothing.

While he had cut off contact with Jin and Joon by July, during the very beginning of the
school break in June he had joined them on their annual camping trip. He knew he had gone
because they had photos of him from it. There was a picture of him, Jin and Yoongi holding
some trouts they had apparently caught on the shelf to the left of the TV. It was unnerving to
see the hard evidence of the trip but have no recollection of it. What other stuff had he
forgotten?

He could feel the bad things trying to resurface sometimes. It was hard to explain. Sometimes
a sense of déjà vu would wash over him accompanied by a feeling of impending doom. He
would wake up from nightmares, spooked with the feeling of phantom hands crawling over
his body. Sometimes in his a mind he would see a flash of a shadowed figure or hear a
fragment of dialogue. Every time this started to happen he quickly went into one of the
techniques Jamie had taught him. They probably weren’t for keeping repressed memories
repressed but it had been working so far. At the same time he knew it was only a matter of
time before the grounding techniques became useless.

Through his thick socks, Jungkook pressed a finger into the area of his foot, just below his
toes, where he knew there was a circular burn scar. From it’s shape and size Jungkook could
only deduce that it came from a cigarette or something of similar size but he had no idea
when he got it or who gave it him. Same with the two other matching burns on his inner,
upper thigh. Had he gotten them all on one occasion or two or three different times? At the
time they should have hurt and been uncomfortable to walk for days if not weeks while they
healed. But he had no memory of the discomfort of the healing process. Jonathon or Kevin
must’ve taken care of it and given him numbing agent or something because no one else like
his bio-dad or social worker had apparently noticed him in pain either. Maybe his own brain
dulled it for him and he hadn’t even needed any medicine.

He just really hoped he never remembered getting them or anything else he had blocked out,
including the happy times, as unnerving as it was. His brain had suppressed them for a reason
and it was better they remain that way until the synapses between his neurons fizzled and
died and the memories were lost forever.

---

“Jungkook?” Namjoon called out. He knew that that thousand-yard stare on Jungkook likely
meant he was allowing himself to be sucked down a whirlpool of self-destructive thoughts.
His son’s eyes turned to him and the black deadness of his irises felt like looking down an
abandoned well of an unknown depth. The hair on Namjoon’s arms stood up.

“Kookie, is something on your mind?” Namjoon asked, hurrying over to sit by him.
Jungkook had one hand frozen and gripped like a lobster’s pincer around the top of his foot.

Jungkook’s jaw clenched and Namjoon was about to start pulling out every skill in the book
for ‘effective communication’ to coax him to open up but then-

“I don’t remember it.”

“Remember what, honey?”

Jungkook pointed to the bookshelf that was to the left of the TV. It held a variety of knick-
knacks, photos, Namjoon’s plants, and books.

“I don’t remember the camping trip last year,” Jungkook added.

Namjoon blinked and then squinted. On the second to highest shelf was a picture of
Jungkook fishing with Jin and Yoongi off of a dock at the lake they had camped by. “You
don’t remember it?” Namjoon echoed dumbly. They went camping every year, but decided
not to this year due to all the chaos and frankly Namjoon didn’t want Jungkook to miss even
one therapy appointment.

“I don’t remember it at all,” his son replied, his voice never rising above an ashamed whisper.

Namjoon already knew Jungkook had repressed memory and trauma could affect his memory
for other events as well, that this sort of thing wasn’t uncommon for abuse victims. But still.
He couldn’t remember the way Yoongi’s face had lit up and beamed with a gummy smile
when he caught the river trout? Jungkook couldn’t remember his own excitement and then
fast disappointment when he too thought he had caught something only to reel in some algae?
He didn’t remember the way he wanted to outshine his brothers by gathering the most
firewood and had swaggered back into their campsite basically dragging half a tree? He
didn’t remember the nights spent around the campfire making smores? The panic when
Binky fell out of the kayak and Namjoon had to jump in and rescue him? The arguing on the
drive there or the laughter and car karaoke on the way back?

From the corner of his eye Namjoon could see Jungkook shrinking back, picking up on his
discomfort. “Oh, sweetheart, I’m sorry. I didn’t know you couldn’t remember it.”

“I don’t even know what I don't know,” Jungkook whispered.

“Well we can tell you all about the camping trip,” Namjoon said, trying to sound upbeat.
“Jinnie printed the photos we took and added it to one of the photo albums.”

“But it’s not just that,” his son continued as if Namjoon hadn’t spoken at all.

Jungkook’s expression was blank as he slowly pulled off his sock, the one he had been
gripping earlier. He stretched out his toes and pointed below at his foot and said, “I don’t
remember this either.”
Namjoon clenched his jaw. It was a scar from a cigarette burn. It had been noted down in the
medical report when they first picked Jungkook up from the hospital, although it had already
been healed then. Later as they went through the police’s evidence he learned that the event
had been recorded. Some man had lit up a cigarette and then extinguished them on
Jungkook’s body while he was conscious and crying and apologizing and begging them to
stop.

---

Jungkook lay faceup, arms and legs spread apart, each limb tied to a corner on the bed frame
with some sort of cloth rope. He was bawling, face a deep, blotchy red and bordering on
purple.

“Jesus Christ, I said shut up!” a man screamed. His face hadn’t been blurred out in this one,
although all the content they distributed onto the darkweb would have everyone with faces
blurred, voices distorted, and cut carefully to protect their identities. Of course that was only
for the perpetrators and no privacy was given in any way for Jungkook since he was the
product. Usually Jonathon was careful to delete all of the original footage after creating the
edited version. The police had managed to get this ‘raw footage’. That had done fuck all
because he still had yet to be identified, hence why they were watching the footage on the off-
chance they knew.

Namjoon assumed the man to be around his and Jin’s age. He had dirty blonde hair in a
generic crew cut and a short, cropped beard. His blue eyes were bulging with a manic rage
and Namjoon assumed he wasn’t sober. The man stormed over and just as his hand curled
around Jungkook’s throat, Jonathon stepped in. “Woah, woah, woah dude. You can’t leave
marks like that,” the stepbrother cautioned. He was doing it to protect himself not Jungkook.

The man seemed to strain against Jonathon’s grip before turning on his heel and grabbing
something in frustration offscreen. He then reentered the shot, a cigarette in his mouth. He
flicked the lighter over and over again, grunting with an angry huff through his nose as the
flame sparked and then died. Finally it sputtered to life and the man lit his cigarette and took
a long drag. He exhaled the smoke, still pacing back and force beside the bed and Jungkook’s
exposed form. Tortured sobs continued to rip free from his son’s throat and it almost seemed
like they would choke him. The police couldn’t find the edited video anywhere nor the other
parts of the raw footage if it even existed so Namjoon had no idea what had happened to
Jungkook before this. Although being forcibly stripped naked and tied to a bed by pedophiles
was more than enough to reduce anyone to such a state, Namjoon had his doubts that was all
that had happened given the extremities found in some of the other evidence.

“If you don’t shut up, I’m going to give you something to really cry about,” the man growled,
stopping mid-pace. Jonathon came into frame again, arms halfway up towards the man,
prepared to stop him if need be.

The man took measured steps to the foot of the bed and stopped at Jungkook’s right foot. He
held the smoldering cigarette pinched between his index finger and thumb.

“Hey man-“ Jonathon began.

“What the fuck am I even paying you for,” the man said. “I could have people kill you within
the hour if I wanted.”

Jonathon paused and seemed to be considering whether it was a bluff or not.

“Just nowhere that’s easily visible,” he said after a moment.

“Not a fucking problem,” the man growled before extinguishing his cigarette on the sole of
Jungkook’s foot, slightly below his big toe.

Jungkook’s throaty sobs turned into a haunting, high-pitched wail that had continued to echo
in Namjoon’s eardrums ever since.

Jonathon swore and walked towards the camera and a second later the video ended.

---

Namjoon tried to school his features into something that was comforting. He managed a
plastic smile that felt too tight and judging by Jungkook’s timid, searching gaze it looked just
as unnatural as it felt. Even if Jonathon had been disapproving of the man’s actions, two more
cigarette burns were found on Jungkook’s leg so who knows what had happened after the
camera shut off. Who knows what other terrible crimes were never filmed and found by the
police but that Jungkook had endured.

“It’s okay Kookie,” Namjoon said. It was difficult to form the words, the skin around his
mouth felt like hardened wax. “Jamie told us that not being able to remember stuff is a
common symptom for your type of PTSD,” he recited robotically. As if that information
would be of any fucking help. Jungkook already knew that.

Jungkook looked up at him with eyes that were so vulnerable and scared and sad. He didn’t
reply and instead his shoulders dropped in defeat as Namjoon failed to give hime words that
would actually help. Tears began to well up in Jungkook’s eyes and his bottom lip was
wobbling. His breath hitched a little. He just wanted Jungkook to be okay, to not be in a
constant state of suffering.

“Oh, honey,” Namjoon whispered. “We’re going to work through all this.”

Namjoon wasn’t sure what to do. As far as he knew, Jamie hadn’t discussed this scenario
with Jin. They had went over that Jungkook had repressed memories and that it might make
him feel disoriented or panicked at times when he couldn’t recall certain events or that they
might begin to surface as they progressed through the therapy program. But they didn’t cover
what to do if Jungkook talked or asked them directly about the abuse that he couldn’t
remember. Was Namjoon supposed to describe to him the terrible things he went through if
Jungkook wanted to know? All the advice and notes Jin passed onto him began to bleed out
of his mind like bathwater down a drain. And the truth was he didn’t want Jungkook to
remember. The healing process be damned. If he and Jin still cried themselves to sleep,
haunted by the footage he had seen, what would it do to Jungkook’s already fragile mind if he
remembered everything that had happened to him?
Chapter End Notes

Sorry for the long wait! Hopefully I can chapters out a bit more regularly in the future!
 Chapter 32
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes

“Should we have pasta for dinner or chili?” Jin asked Jungkook as he leaned back on the
porch swing, feigning casualness and letting the sunlight warm his face.

Usually Jin worked according to his own preference of what meal to make when. If he was in
charge of cooking for a family of seven males, he’d at least make what he wanted. Like his
own mother, he refused to let any of his children grow up to be picky eaters so unless it was a
special occasion like birthdays, whatever he put on their plate they had to eat it. However,
this was one of those many, many things he had to change in his routine to accommodate
Jungkook. Getting him used to making decisions again and letting him feel in control was an
important part of his recovery process, particularly for eating.

“I dunno,” Jungkook mumbled, shifting on the balls of his feet as he gently rocked the porch
swing. “Chili.”

“I did find a vegetarian chili recipe awhile back that I’ve been wanting to try. Although I’m
not sure how much Hobi and Namjoon would appreciate a meatless dish…” Jin pondered.

“Vegetarian,” Jungkook chimed, slightly more enthused. Jin’s lips pulled upwards at the
smallest hint of mischief in Jungkook’s tone.

“Alright, vegetarian it is. Let’s run to the store around 2pm, okay?”

“Which store are we going to? Target or Trader Joes?” Jungkook asked.

“Which one did you want to go to?”

“Trader Joes,” Jungkook insisted. “The food there is better.”

Jin had planned to go to Trader Joes all along, it was almost a principle of his that he buy the
majority of his fresh produce there. “You’re not wrong,” Jin agreed.

A couple hours later and they were pushing the cart around the small grocery store,
occasionally stopping to make fun of some bizarre product marketed to whatever the newest
health fad was.

“Soon they’ll promise that these things will bring world peace,” Jin commented as Jungkook
read the slogan of some granola bar that evidently gave an energy boost equivalent to three
cups of coffee even though it was caffeine-added sugar-vegan-gluten-free.

Jungkook flipped it over to read the ingredients list. “It’s like 80% dates.”

“It’ll help your digestive system, that’s for sure. Maybe a little too much.”
Jungkook laughed, tossing it back on the pile, and followed after him as they made their way
to the produce section.

“Now, how spicy do we want this thing?” Jin asked as they stopped in front of a selection of
chili peppers. Jungkook hurried forward and snatched a handful of habaneros.

“Kook, those are really spicy…” Jin warned. He had meant his last question more as a
rhetorical one but at this point he had given Jungkook full reign of the dish.

“I know!” Jungkook said with a cheeky smile.

It was the most enthusiastic he’d seen Jungkook about food in a long time.

“Well, let’s at least grab some jalapenos for flavor. I don’t want it to just taste like hellfire.”

Later when Jin was prepping everything, he made sure to seed out most of the habaneros. It
would still be above Taehyung’s spice tolerance but, well, most things were.

Sure enough, come dinnertime, only a few spoonful’s in and Taehyung’s face was starting to
turn pink. This did not go unnoticed by Hobi who sat directly across from him and teased,
“What’s wrong Tae-Tae? Can’t handle it?”

Taehyung glared at him. “What? No! I’m fine.” He tried to look casual as he reached for his
water glass.

“Milk is better for spice than water, idiot,” Yoongi commented.

“I said I’m fine!” Taehyung snapped, glaring daggers at Yoongi and withdrawing his hand
from his water glass, undrunk. He shoveled another defiant spoonful into his mouth, skin
now positively red – whether by the heat or anger Jin didn’t know. Jin tried to hide his frown.
Every interaction between Taehyung and Yoongi was still marred by animosity. He wasn’t
sure to how to get them to make up besides letting their anger run its course.

“Isn’t this what toxic masculinity is?” Jimin asked, causing everyone save for Taehyung to
snort in amusement.

“I could eat way spicier food than this,” Jungkook piped up. He hoped his prank hadn’t gone
too far.

“We should have a contest some time!” Hoseok suggested. “You know that ‘Hot Ones’
interview show on Youtube? We could buy the hot sauces and go down the line like they do.”

“They sell a game of it on their website,” Jimin added.

“What’s that?” Namjoon asked.

“It’s like truth or dare but its truth or dab,” Jimin explained, “So if you don’t want to say a
truth you have to eat something with a dab of the sauce and each round move to a hotter
one.”
“I could do the whole line without having to answer a single question,” Jungkook insisted.

“Well keep me out of that game,” Namjoon said. “I’m too old to risk wrecking my stomach
like that – Tae, honey, just drink some milk.”

All eyes went back to Taehyung whose face was beet-red and his water glass drained. He
needed no further encouragement as he shot up and rushed to the fridge and started chugging
straight from the gallon-bottle. The rest of his brothers, even Yoongi, broke out into laughter
and whoops.

“You guys are evil,” Taehyung sighed, as he finally set the bottle down, milk dribbling off his
chin. “But why would you make it so spicy?” Taehyung accused, his gaze directed at Jin.

“Hey, don’t look at me, I let Jungkook pick the menu.”

Jungkook tensed, muscle fibers going as tense as steel cables as Taehyung’s mouth parted in
surprise. His brothers erupted into laughter all over again.

“Kookie, I thought we were friends,” Taehyung said, eyes wide. “How could you betray me
like this?”

“We are,” Jungkook insisted as sincerely as he could although he could kind of tell Tae was
being dramatic as a joke but he didn’t want to risk anything.

Taehyung ruffled his hair he walked past him, back to his seat. “It used to be you and me
against the rest of ‘em Kook,” he shook his head. Now Jungkook knew for sure Taehyung
was pretending and his brother wasn’t actually upset with him. His racing heart melted into a
puddle of relief.

“You can pick out the peppers and add more sour cream,” Jungkook said, just in case.

The rest of his brothers were still congratulating him on pranking Taehyung, so he hunched
back over his own bowl of chili, getting uncomfortable with the spotlight on him, even if his
brothers’ attention was something he usually sought after in ways his therapist didn’t always
approve of. Thankfully, Namjoon started talking about soccer and everyone’s attention was
diverted elsewhere and the dinner carried on as normal. Taehyung neglected the chili in favor
of extra dinner rolls and salad but didn’t seem to mind.

---

He and Mia sat out on the porch swing sucking on popsicles. A silence was stretching longer
and longer and Jungkook wasn’t sure if it was awkward or not.

“Are the flowers new?” she asked around her grape-flavored popsicle as she swung her legs
back and forth.

“Yeah we planted them a couple weeks ago,” Jungkook said. “I guess I could’ve invited you
to help.”

“Nah, I don’t like gardening,” she said.

“Oh.” Their friendship made him uncomfortable with how he didn’t understand it. It felt like
it had a lot of depth to it because, well, she was his only friend outside of his family.
Although he wasn’t direct with her, she knew something bad had happened when he lived
with his father and that he was still struggling to get over it. She didn’t push it even though he
could sometimes see the questions in her eyes when he would go into his shell at some
obscure trigger. There’d been a lot of clues so he was sure she at least suspected some sort of
physical abuse. Her knowledge of his situation, however limited it might be, made their
friendship feel profound in some way.

At the same time it was superficial – how much did he really know about her? She had a
Youtube and TikTok that she kept carefully curated. She wanted to be famous but so did
everyone these days even though ‘being famous’ wasn’t an actual job. She wore chunky,
obnoxious heart-shaped sunglasses unironically. She could be kind of bossy. She liked
animals but didn’t have any pets because her dad was allergic. She was vegetarian going on
vegan.

“So, what’ve you been up to lately?” Mia piped up and Jungkook startled. Why hadn’t he
thought to ask her that? Every time he tried to think of a conversation topic, he came up dry
and let her take the lead.

He fidgeted with his sleeves that which were growing worn and tattered at the edges due to
all his picking, reminding him of the old rags Jin cleaned the kitchen with. “Oh, uh. You
know…just. Um. I don’t know. Stuff, I guess.”

She smacked her now purple-tinted lips together with a pop. “Sounds fun.”

“Hey, did you ever text Jake, by the way?” she continued, “He was even snapchatting me a
couple days ago about it.”

“N-no…not yet. I’m going to. I just…I don’t know what to say.”

“Well what did you used to talk about? You guys were always hanging out. Just talk about
that stuff again,” Mia said.

While she was just trying to helpful - didn’t she understand by now? He wasn’t the person he
used to be anymore, the one that Jake and all his other friends knew. He was barely a person
at all now. Just a gaping, empty chasm void-being who could hardly stand to be around
anyone. It was times like these he really wished he still had his razors.

“Between you and me,” Mia continued, oblivious to his internal monologue, “I think he’s a
little jealous that you’re hanging out with me but not him. He misses you a lot.”

Jungkook didn’t know what to say to that either. “I have to go back to school in September
anyways. I’ll see everyone then.”

“Suit yourself,” Mia shrugged.

If Jacob didn’t hate him already he most definitely would if Jungkook waited that long to
speak to him. Where would he eat lunch at school? Mia could only extend her kindness so far
and probably wouldn’t tolerate him around her friends and he didn’t necessarily want to hang
out with her friends either.

---

Despite taking online classes Jungkook still had to take the exams in-person at a study center
designated by the school district. Namjoon had taken him for his last final he needed, a math
exam, last Saturday. The grade should be back by now but for some reason he’d been logged
out of the portal to the website containing Jungkook’s academic reports and just the thought
of doing the whole captcha-email-password reset process threatened a headache.

“Hey Kook, did you get your math score back yet?” Namjoon asked as he swept into the
kitchen to check in on how Jungkook was doing with his breakfast before he headed off to
work. Every breakfast was accompanied with a mandatory glass of whole milk to get his
weight up. Jungkook had finished his egg and toast after shifting it around with his fork for
twenty minutes – a sign that it wasn’t going to be a good day. He was still nursing his glass of
milk, now half-empty, and at Namjoon’s question Jungkook’s eyebrows furrowed even
deeper. He made a noncommittal noise.

“Jungkook,” Namjoon said more sternly. “Did you get your math score?”

Jungkook’s sour frown turned pouty and his eyes welled with tears. “You’re gonna be mad at
me,” he squeaked out.

“I’m not going to be mad but I need to know these things.”

Jungkook childishly rubbed one of his reddening eyes with his fist. “It wasn’t good.”

“Can you be more specific than ‘wasn’t good’?”

“A fifty-nine,” Jungkook mumbled as he hunched over his glass of milk.

“A fifty-nine percent?!”

Jungkook shrugged, though he looked distinctly uncomfortable, two front teeth gnawing on
his ever-chapped bottom lip.

“But I thought you said the class was easy?” Namjoon continued. “What happened? Was the
test really hard?” Stress was culminating in its favorite place in Namjoon’s temples,
promising the headache he’d been trying to avoid. Jungkook needed the course in order to
start freshmen year.

“I dunno, it was just really difficult.”

“You never said anything! Can you retake it?”

“I don’t know! I don’t want to retake it!” Jungkook shouted. “You said you wouldn’t get
mad!”

“I’m not mad, I’m just worried. School is important, Jungkook.”

“Who even cares!?”

“I care,” Namjoon said. “If something is too stressful or you were having some testing
anxiety you need to let us know. We can make accommodations for you at the testing center
or get you a tutor.”

“Well I already failed so it doesn’t matter now anyways,” Jungkook shot back.

“It does matter and you are going to pass that course. I’m sure they’ll let you retake it – I’ll
call them today on my break. We can get you a tutor to help you prepare in the meantime,”
Namjoon said, trying to ignore the part of him that knew Jungkook had intentionally failed
the test. Did he really not want to go to school that badly? Or was there some other motive he
couldn’t decipher? It would be pointless to bring it up – Jungkook would deny the accusation
and try to flip the situation to make him seem like the bad guy.

He took a deep, calming breathe. “We’ll talk with Jin about it later and we can decide how to
move forward.”

“Whatever,” came the sullen response as his son glared at the glass of milk.

Namjoon couldn’t think of anything meaningful to say and guilt niggled in his gut when he
felt relieved he could go to work and escape Jungkook’s moodiness. He didn’t always have
the best of patients either at the physical therapy center but sometimes one conversation with
Jungkook could exhaust him more than an entire day at his job. He didn’t know how Jin did it
but his husband was obviously struggling too. They’d worked to carve out some alone time
for him – between 6 and 7pm. He often took the car out. Namjoon didn’t really know where
he went or what he did but he hoped it could ease at least a fraction of the stress he was
under.

---

Jin sat down, steeling himself for a no-nonsense sort of session. Namjoon was here with him
today, he’d brought his husband for both his own and Jungkook’s moral support.

“So…as happy as I am about the progress Jungkook has been making,” Jin began, “The
testimony date has been verified and I worry that being forced to do it will undo all the
progress Jungkook has made.”

Jamie’s eyes widened. “There’s been a date set? For his video deposition?”

Jin’s eyes narrowed and he glared at the coffee table. Namjoon’s hand squeezed a little tighter
around his own. Anytime he had to think about the legal side of Jungkook’s situation, which
was a lot, resentment flared within him. If the authorities wanted to actually prioritize
children they’d leave Jungkook alone.

“Yeah,” Namjoon spoke. “We were just informed yesterday. Four weeks from now. August
third.”
Jin swallowed thickly, hearing it again made it all too real. Today’s session would now be
about logistics, not his feelings, and he couldn’t let himself get overwhelmed.

There was a beat of silence and it unnerved him more than he’d admit. Though Jamie was
half a decade younger than him, he thought of her as being infinitely wiser. That didn’t mean
she never took time to chew over thoughts before voicing them but right now the silence felt
ominous.

“That’s sooner than we thought it would be,” Jamie said. Jin could detect caution and perhaps
even a little uncertainty in her voice.

“Usually it can be well over a year before hearings even start but I guess due to the ‘extreme’
nature of the crimes they expedited it,” Jin explained, reiterating what they’d heard from the
lawyer. “We haven’t even started doing the conjoint sessions. Will Jungkook have created his
narrative thing by then? You said he’s still so reluctant to discuss anything in detail.”

Jamie sighed, “It sounds like we don’t have much of a choice.”

That wasn’t what he had wanted to hear. Nothing coming out of her mouth was reassuring.
Because a component of their current therapy guideline consisted of Jungkook constructing
his own, detailed timeline of the events and share it with him, Jin had hoped it would be done
well before the video deposition and would make the emotional toll easier on them all.

He and Namjoon had tried so hard to prevent Jungkook from having to testify. Of course,
they had no power when they were merely Jungkook’s foster parents but as soon as they
adopted him they made an appeal to the court.

They were rejected.

The court didn’t need their permission and even though children could sometimes consent or
refuse to, it didn’t matter. It was a subpoena regardless of what they or Jungkook wanted. Jin
had scrabbled desperately for some semblance of control over the situation but there was
none to be had - the handling of the case had quickly moved up the legislative ladder. Now
the case was in the upper echelons of the government, in the hands of both FBI and
department of Homeland Security. It was way bigger than just Jungkook or Jonathon or
Kevin but they weren’t exactly a small piece either.

They were informed by authorities that Jungkook had been the eldest victim among the ones
Jonathon, Kevin and others had been systematically abusing within their city. Because of this,
Jungkook was considered a more reliable witness and his testimony was all the more
important. Still, Jin didn’t know what Jungkook could do for them beyond what they already
knew. The highest priority was identifying and rescuing victims but Jungkook had done the
at-home interview in the beginning where he was shocked to learn there had been others. If
the first priority was the victims, then the second was the perpetrators. But, again, Jungkook
had already been asked about this too and had no information to give. Perhaps therapy would
recover some useful information like descriptions or even a name or two but Jamie was under
law to report it right away should it come up.
Unfortunately, those priorities pertained to the investigation, not the trial which was to mete
out judgement. It didn’t change the fact that there was already hard evidence of a lot of the
abuse Jungkook had been subjected to and would be presented during the actual trial
anyways.

“So then what’s the point of all this?” Jin rasped. “What’s the point of any of this? It’s too
much for him too soon.”

“Honey…” Namjoon trailed off, unable to offer any real words of comfort since they were all
in the same boat.

Jamie had made a lot of progress with Jungkook – teaching him techniques to calm himself
down, healthier attitudes towards food, friendships and himself, helped him understand what
appropriate boundaries were. Even if he talked more readily about his feelings with her, it
didn’t change the fact that Jungkook had only divulged bits and pieces about the actual sexual
abuse. She could only do so much for a patient who refused to cooperate.

“How about we make a plan?” Jamie suggested.

Jin sniffled, feeling undignified as snot dripped out of his nose. He hurriedly blotted his face
with a tissue before deftly tossing in the nearby waste basket with a flick of his wrist,
something that had become muscle memory by now.

“I do like plans,” Jin joked weakly. Time to put his feelings aside and be the adult Jungkook
needed him to be.

“I propose we bump up his sessions again to three times a week. Instead of Monday-
Thursday like we do now, let’s do Monday, Wednesday, Friday. I’ll continue working with
Jungkook one-on-one to get him to craft his narrative and then we can try to do some
conjoint sessions soon.”

Jin didn’t blame Jungkook for not talking about his trauma and he was terrified of hearing
about it too. The evidence they had went over at the police station was bad enough – in a way
he knew it would be worse hearing it from Jungkook’s own lips.

“Starting next week?” Jin clarified in a croaky voice, seeing as today was already Thursday.

“…I know it’s short notice but I should be able to work it in my schedule but we might have
to a different time slot, since it’s best to have the sessions at the same time each day,” Jamie
said. “I think we should break the news to Jungkook now, while both of you are here.”

He could only imagine what Jungkook’s reaction would be.

---

They sat in a row on Jamie’s couch. First Jin, then Joon, and then him. Secretly he wanted to
be sandwiched between his dads but he made himself resist, embarrassed of how it would
look and unsure if they were angry with him. This morning Jin had informed Joon would also
be coming with them and Jungkook hadn’t thought much of it at first. It wasn’t unusual for
his other dad to come with them every now and then. Usually it was when they also had an
appointment with Dr. Yung to go over his medications or changes to his therapy plan.

What had been a brewing unease in his gut while he sat in the waiting room had evolved to a
nauseous churning in his stomach as he joined them on the couch. Were they really that upset
about the math thing? He knew he’d fucked up but didn’t think it warranted some sort of
intervention. He dragged his clammy palms across the couch cushion before grabbing his
familiar friend, the yellow pillow, and clutching it to his chest.

There was a slight creak – the couch probably wasn’t used to the weight of so many people –
as Namjoon shifted in his seat. “So,” Namjoon began. “There’s been a date set for the video
recording.”

Everything clicked. Jungkook went stiff, fingers digging in so hard to the pillow he wouldn’t
be surprised if they punctured the material.

“Wh-what?” he croaked.

“The lawyer contacted us the other day and told us,” Jin said.

When exactly was the other day? They hadn’t hinted at anything being out of the ordinary.
He felt lied to. Of course he’d known the date was coming eventually but it was easy to
pretend it didn’t exist.

“I think it would be helpful if we go back to three sessions a week,” Jamie said as Jungkook’s
mind whirred. “As the date draws closer we can talk with the lawyer and practice for it so
you’ll know what to expect.”

Jungkook sucked in a breath. He had to try one last time to get out of it. He turned his best
and biggest sad-eyes to Jin and Joon. “Please can’t you tell them that I..that I don’t want to do
it. I already talked to the police before, remember? They recorded it. Can’t-can’t they just use
that?”

“The police interview was different Kookie. That was to try and identify people. The video
for court is your narrative, your story,” Jin said gently.

His bottom lip wobbled and the world looked glassy and distorted. His watery gaze dropped
to his lap. He didn’t want to tell his fucking story. It had been a good idea to not sit in
between Jin and Joon - they had betrayed him. Sitting in between the two of them would only
confirm that he was their prisoner. Lying by omission was still lying. He hated them.

“We tried,” Namjoon added. “To prevent you from having to testify. Not because we think
you can’t do it but because we know it’s difficult and scary. But the court denied our
request.”

“I don’t want you here!” Jungkook screamed at them, surprising even himself as he shot to
his feet. The pillow tumbled to the floor and his hands clenched into white-knuckled fists.

“Kookie-
Jamie cut Jin off. “I think it’s best if you guys step outside,” she said. “You can have a seat in
the waiting room.”

Namjoon looked grim and he stood up wordlessly, smoothing imaginary wrinkles from his
slacks as he did so.

Jin’s movements had none of their usual grace as he jerkily got to his feet. “Y-yeah okay.
We’ll do that. We’ll, uh, wait outside, Kookie. You can come get us if you need us, you know
that right?”

“I don’t need you!” Jungkook shouted, spittle flying off his tongue.

Jin hesitated but Namjoon grabbed his hand and tugged him out of the room. After the door
clicked shut behind them, Jungkook kicked the pillow as hard as he could, sending it flying
across the room. He threw his body onto the couch and curled into himself, arms winding
around his torso now that he didn’t have the pillow for comfort. “I don’t want there to be a
trial! I don’t want to tell people what happened! I don’t want to talk to a lawyer and a judge
and p-people I d-don’t know and a c-c-camera. I can’t!”

A shudder rattled his whole body like windchimes as he envisioned himself again sitting on a
chair in the middle of a room with strangers watching him as the red light of a video camera
blinked.

“Jungkook, let’s take a few breaths okay?”

He also didn’t want to do any of her stupid grounding techniques.

“They have the videos and pictures and stuff. Why isn’t that enough to send them to prison
forever? Why do I have to tell more people about it?!” Jungkook said, hysteria coloring his
voice and anxieties clawing at the insides of his skull. “You’re the worst therapist ever! I’m
telling you that I don’t want to..that I can’t, that I won’t, and you’re not going to help me? I’m
gonna…I’m gonna tell my dad about this and you’re going to be fired because you’re stupid
and you’re..you’re…” Everything in his mind was pulling in an different direction and
tearing apart what little sanity he had left.

“No one ever listens to me!” Jungkook continued, “And that’s your whole job, to listen to
me! I’m giving you so much money and YOU WON’T EVEN LISTEN TO ME!” He
screamed so loud his voice cracked at the end. He screwed his eyes shut as hot tears streamed
down his face. “You don’t want to help anyone! You just want your paychecks!”

He was gasping by the end of his tirade and when he managed to pry open his now-swollen
eyes Jamie’s face was concerned but otherwise calm. It enraged him. He wanted her to feel as
shitty as he did. He glared at her with all the strength he could muster. He wanted to win
against her, say something that finally rattled her. The problem was he didn’t know what to
think beyond the feeling of sheer panic, much less voice anything into words. Even at his
angriest he was consumed by doubts -maybes and what ifs. Why would anyone be
intimidated by him? He was small, weak, haunted by imaginary ghosts.
A silence lingered between them and a staring contest commenced. His therapist held his
gaze, steady, and Jungkook could feel himself start to waver. His eyebrow twitched. His eyes
burned as he refused to close them, residual salty tears still stinging them. Jamie blinked.
Jungkook dropped his gaze to his knees.

“I’m on your side, Jungkook.”

“I just..” his voice wobbled pathetically. “I just really don’t want to talk about it. Not with
you. Not with Jin or Joon. Not with a lawyer or a judge.”

“I know, and I agree with you that you’ve been put in a very unfair position,” Jamie agreed.

“And I told you already..I literally don’t remember stuff. Like a lot of stuff. Like weeks and
weeks of stuff. I went through my photos on my phone from the time I was living with my
dad and I only recognized like 50% of them.”

“Since we’re going to start working on crafting your timeline of the things that happened, I
think you’ll start to remember some events as a result, it’s part of the process even if you
don’t end up remembering everything.”

“But I don’t want to remember,” Jungkook said. It sounded like he was begging.

“Jungkook, I’m not going to make you tell me everything right at this moment. We can keep
working in steps. How about we start with drawing a graph to represent your life? Testimony
or not, I was planning on doing this exercise with you next week,” Jamie suggested.

“A…what? A g-graph?”

“Here,” she went over to her desk and grabbed an oversized clipboard with a large, blank
piece of paper on it. She handed it to him and that was when he noticed there had been a pack
of markers sitting on the coffee table in front of him the whole time.

She sat back down, her chair giving a slight creak and flipped open to a blank sheet of paper
on her own clipboard. He craned his neck to see what she was doing. They were silent, save
for the scratching of her pen. Finally she finished and flipped over her drawing.

It was a line graph.

“Did you learn about the y-axis and x-axis in school?” Jamie asked

“Yeah.” He’d pretended to mix them up on his recent math exam even though it was an
elementary-level concept.

“Great. So the y-axis is emotion and the x-axis is time. The zero for the y-axis represents a
baseline state, for when you’re not necessarily happy or sad but neutral. Most neurotypical
people hover around the baseline in their day-to-day life. For the x-axis, then, it’s best to
space it evenly in years based on your age. Then just draw a line for how you remember your
average emotional states throughout your life.”
“Okay,” Jungkook said after a moment. It wasn’t that difficult of a task and she wasn’t asking
him to explain anything in excruciatingly detail like his ‘narrative’ he knew he had to do at
some point.

“I have more paper, so no worries if you want to change anything. You can make as many
drafts as you need.”

“Okay.”

“Do you want to sit at the table?”

Jungkook shook his head. Besides a couple times where they worked on a puzzle or another
session when they played cards, Jungkook preferred to sit on the couch. He liked soft things.

“Alright, just be careful of your posture otherwise Jin might come after me,” Jamie said in a
valiant attempt to lighten the mood.

He tried to smile but couldn’t quite manage it. Finally, he turned his attention to the paper
which was so glaringly white it hurt his eyes still-swollen eyes. Grasping a black marker, he
sketched out a shaky y and x-axis, hurriedly making thirteen evenly spaced tick marks along
the x-axis. How should he draw a line through it? He glanced up at Jamie but she was
immersed in her own clipboard, reading some research study.

He tossed the marker to the coffee table, where it landed with a clatter, in favor of getting a
blue one for his ‘emotion line’ and sank against the couches’ cushions as he contemplated.
Jin and Joon had said he was a happy baby, right? Okay, well not at the beginning because his
mom had used some drugs while she was pregnant with him, meaning that he’d technically
been addicted too and had to go through withdrawal after he was born.

“You cried a lot for those first few weeks,” Namjoon had told him once. His dad had looked
pained so Jungkook avoided questioning him further but he later learned about infant
withdrawal and things like fetal alcohol syndrome in his sixth grade health class. It didn’t
sound fun.

Jungkook made a blue dot a little below the y-axis for age zero. It wouldn’t be fair to make it
too far down since he couldn’t actually remember going through withdrawal even though it
was supposed to be rough.

Okay, ages 1-5. He’d probably been mostly happy. He knew he had loved Elmo and then
moved on to Winnie the Pooh. He did a lot of coloring books and toddled after his brothers.
For the first year and half or so, only Jimin and Yoongi were with his dads. Then Taehyung
and Hoseok came to live with them in quick succession. In all likelihood, things hadn’t been
that great as their house filled up with broken kids from broken homes but Jungkook had
been too young to notice. Okay, five blue dots at the same level well above the y-axis. Who
doesn’t like being an ignorant kid?

Age six. He’d gone to live with his mom then. The memories of her were hazy, it was all too
long ago. She would come and go out of his life like lightning but he knew he’d loved her
and it still hurt sometimes, especially around times like Mother’s day. Even if he loved her,
he acutely remembered missing living with Jin and Joon and his brothers too. He drew the
blue dot for the sixth tick significantly lower than the one for zero. Sure, it’d been difficult
but it was all so long ago. Who can trust a 6-year-old’s emotions anyways?

Age seven. A little higher than dot six but still a bit below the baseline. He had been sad
about everything but his life had gone back to ‘normal’. Eight was a little lower than seven.
His aunt had come into his life then and while she’d been nice enough he hadn’t wanted to do
all the visits and social services meetings while she tried to get custody.

Age nine. He went to actually live with his aunt. It was supposed to be permanent. She had
always been so nervous and often talked to him tearfully about her sister – his mom. It made
him uncomfortable and sad. Dot nine was definitely lower than eight and well below the y-
axis of ‘baseline’.

And so on. And so forth. Back up for a couple years. And then a nosedive straight to hell and
he wasn’t coming back up this time. After connecting the dots with a line, he hesitated
showing it to Jamie. Was it actually that accurate? Maybe he should do another, more
polished draft just in case. He could use a ruler too so the lines weren’t so wobbly.

“Alright Jungkook,” Jamie spoke up, looking up from her own clipboard. “We’re almost out
of time today but I want you take what you have so far home with you and give it some more
detail.”

“Detail?” Jungkook echoed.

“For each point, especially high and lows, I want you to annotate it with at least 3 emotions
you felt during that time and a description of a significant event or events that happened
during then to make you feel that way.”

He didn’t want Jin to see his stupid poster, and folded its contents over and over again until
the layers were thick and stiff under his fingers. It easily fit into his backpack that he brought
with him even though he didn't know why he did since he only ever took his water bottle to
therapy.

“And I would like you to bring the rough drafts back with you too if you make a new one.
Did you want to take some extra paper with you?”

“I have paper at home,” Jungkook refused.

“If you have any questions over the weekend for me, you have my number. I also encourage
you to ask Jin or Namjoon about it, they want to help you.”

He’d almost forgotten how he was supposed to be angry at them. “Maybe.” Now that he
remembered his outburst he felt guilt and a small surge of panic. Jamie had been helping him
with his anger issues lately, particularly when it was directed at other people, and Jungkook
had fired arrows right at Jin and Joon only thirty minutes ago.

“Can you send them back in here, I just want to chat with them for a few more minutes about
the new schedule,” she said.
“Wait!” Jungkook exclaimed, clutching the door handle. “M-maybe just one can come in..I
need..I need…”

He needed Jin. He needed Jin to not be mad at him. He still didn’t want to do the testimony
but if he was forced to do it he would need his dad by his side.

His therapist hesitated before nodding. “That’s fine, Jungkook. I’ll see you on Monday.”

He took a couple deep breaths to stamp out the embers of his anxiety and opened the door.
When Jungkook saw both his dads still in the waiting roome herushed over to take a seat by
Jin. He pulled his feet up on the chair, shoes and all, and grabbed Jin’s sleeve. “Joon,
Jamiewantstoseeyou,” he said so quickly it came out as one sentence. His eyes were averted
so he couldn’t see his dad’s expression and clutched Jin’s shirt all the tighter.

“Oh, sure,” Joon said, getting up from his chair.

“Hey,” Jin said gently as Namjoon vanished the way Jungkook had just come. “You feeling
better?” His dad’s hand came to rest gently between his shoulder blades and it was such a
grounding and comforting touch that Jungkook melted in spite of everything.

“M’fine,” he mumbled.

If only he could’ve stayed with Jin and Joon forever and no one else had ever come looking
for him. Then his emotional line would always have been above baseline, so high above it
one paper wouldn’t have been enough.

---

Jamie had him line up his graphs from first draft to final on the coffee table.

“It looks like between your first draft and your final one you moved a lot of the negative dots
from your younger years closer to the baseline. Why is that?” Jamie asked.

“I don't know. I was just a kid then. So I probably thought things were worse than they were.”

“You’re still a kid,” Jamie said and Jungkook pouted. He was a teenager. “And I find that
your first instinct of where to put your emotions is the most accurate,” she continued. “You
don’t need to invalidate your emotions. If you remember things being really difficult, draw it
like that.”

Jungkook stared at the crack in between the cushions, wishing he could disappear into it like
all the other objects that got lost in places like that.

“And for age zero you said you wrote how you went through withdrawal in the final draft,
but the dot is at baseline where it was in the negative emotional state before.”

“Because I literally don’t remember being a fucking baby!” Jungkook snapped.

“You also didn’t put any emotions down for that age,” Jamie said, nonplussed by his outburst.
“Because. I. Don’t. Remember.” Jungkook said each word through gritted teeth.

“Maybe not, but even if you hadn’t experienced it, its common knowledge that withdrawal is
very difficult and uncomfortable. Since you don’t remember, maybe we can have Jin come in
ask him-

“I don’t want him here!” Jungkook cut her off. If his dads got involved his humiliation would
reach new heights and it was just another thing he couldn’t handle.

“Okay, that’s fine,” she placated. “But I would like to go back to your first draft and put the
events and emotions on that one and fill out the parts you left blank. Even if you don’t
remember being a baby, how do you feel about it now?”

“What? You’re asking how I feel about having been a baby? That makes no sense.”

“Let’s use some imagination. If you could see baby Jungkook, like a fly on the wall, getting
taken home by Jin and Namjoon and going through withdrawal, how would you feel about
the situation? It doesn’t necessarily have to be an emotion, but any adjective that you would
use to describe the situation.”

Huh. Well babies usually were supposed to be with their mothers. Didn’t they form some
kind of connection to them while they grew inside? Since drugs were involved in his case
maybe the relationship never developed properly which is why he sometimes felt guilty that
he wasn’t as sad about her as he probably should be. Had his mother even been high while
she went into labor?

He’d been born a few weeks premature, maybe drugs had caused that too. As a result, instead
of getting to be swaddled up in a blanket and lovingly rocked in his mother’s arms like TV
babies, he was taken to the NICU and poked and prodded. Then, after a couple weeks, two
male strangers came and took him to their house. Apparently he had cried for weeks on end,
no matter what trick Jin or Joon had used. Jungkook had found the courage to ask them about
it again this week when he was working on his poster.

“I felt so bad for you. We kept going to the urgent care, sometimes two or three times a week.
They quickly learned our faces and got annoyed with us when we came in since the only
advice they could give us was to keep doing what we were doing and eventually the symptoms
would go away. I was just so scared because we’d never taken care of an infant before and
you were so distressed,” Jin had said. After a moment his dad continued hurriedly with fake
cheer, “But after about two months the symptoms went away and you put on weight and you
were so giggly, the happiest baby I’ve ever seen!”

It made him sad. An underweight, sickly baby who hadn’t had a say in anything. It made him
sad because his mom had probably wanted to see him and hold him. It made him even sadder
that maybe she hadn’t wanted those things in favor of finding another high. The thing that
made him the saddest of all was that Jin and Joon were probably so excited to get a baby –
Jungkook knew it was extremely difficult to get one through adoption or fostering since
everyone wanted babies – but instead they got him, a defective one who could only scream
and cry. And then they thought it was their fault that they couldn’t take care of him properly.
He only brought problems to other people.
He uncapped the green marker and scribbled three emotions down at the point on zero.

Sad. Pity. Unfair.

“Why these three words?” Jamie prompted.

“Because I never asked for any of it. It wasn't my fault my mom took drugs.”

Jamie nodded.

He knew being born to someone who had used narcotics while he was in the womb was
associated with a whole host of negative factors – learning, behavior, and motor problems.
The odds had been stacked against him before he’d even been born.

“It’s not fair,” he said with a little more heat in his voice, eyes welling up, surprising even
himself. Using the heels of his hands, he scrubbed them away. Just minutes ago he’d been
complaining that it didn’t matter since he couldn’t remember being a baby and now here he
was acting like one.

“Are you just trying to make things more difficult for me!?” he spat.

“What do you mean?”

“Stop playing dumb! I didn’t even give a shit a few minutes ago but now you want to make
me feel bad so I’ll have to be your patient longer and then you can still have a job and keep
making money!” In his anger he launched the green marker he still held directly at her. It
struck her cheek before falling to the ground with a tap.

Jungkook blanched and his hand retracted to his chest in shock. He wasn’t a violent person.
Angry, sure. But he’d never hurt anyone. Not even his brothers.

“I-I’m sorry!” he stuttered. He was going to be in so much trouble.

She brushed her cheek with her fingertips. “Glad the lid was on it.”

He started to cry. “I’m s-s-sorry!”

“It was only a marker, Jungkook, it didn’t hurt. I forgive you.”

They had to go through several different techniques before he was calm enough to continue
the conversation but his words were still interspersed with wet hiccupy sobs.

“Wow, my life has really been shit, huh?” Jungkook half-laughed, half-cried.

“You’ve had a very difficult circumstances,” Jamie agreed. “But I think that it's a testament to
how strong you are that you always try to view things positively and kept going. And doing
all this work now will let you build a better present and future.”

“I w-was thinking this week that-that if I had never gone to live with any-anyone else, like
my mom had just put me up for adoption like Hobi’s m-mom did, then my line would’ve
always been g-good,” Jungkook said.

“I don’t know about that, highs and lows are a natural part of anyone’s life,” Jamie said.

“You think my life would’ve been this bad if they had adopted be when I was baby?”
Jungkook asked sarcastically, gesturing to the rollercoaster that was his emotional state if
they went with his first draft.

“I'm sure things would’ve been easier but anyone can develop mental health issues regardless
of their background and you still would’ve been at-risk.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I mean,” Jamie said, “that what happened to you aside, you may be prone to anxiety or
depression even if everything had gone ‘right’.”

“What about the Borderline thing?” Jungkook asked, sniffling a final time.

“Yes, that too. A lot of times we see occurrences of personality disorders in multiple
generations of the family.”

“So you’re saying I would’ve been crazy either way?”

“Jungkook, we’ve talked about this. We don’t use language like that here.”

He rolled his eyes. She didn’t care that he had basically attacked her but this was where she
drew the line? “Sorry. Whatever. I meant neuro-divergent. I guess..I guess it makes sense
though. My aunt definitely has…something. Do you think she has what I have too?”

“I’m not qualified to diagnose people, much less those I’ve never met but it’s not out of the
question. Anyways, the main point I’m making is that like a lot of physical illnesses mental
illness can also be genetic so getting adopted wouldn’t make it go away but it could express
itself more mildly due to a more stable and nurturing environment.”

“I think you could be a doctor if you wanted to,” Jungkook said. “You’re smart enough. I bet
you’re even smarter than Dr. Yung.”

Jamie laughed. “I wasn’t looking for compliments, but thank you Jungkook. Being a doctor is
a different skillset though and I think mine is better suited to therapy and it’s the path I’ve
always wanted to pursue. Have you ever thought what you would like to do in the future?”

If talking about his past ranked number one on things he hated discussing, then his future was
number two. “I dunno.”

“Jin told me-

“You can just call him my dad,” Jungkook said quickly even though he’d been the one to tell
her to call them ‘Jin and Joon’ in the first place. “Because that’s what he is.”
“Alright, your dad told me you failed a test the other week and he didn’t seem to think it was
because you didn’t understand the material.”

Jungkook hunched over the pillow protectively. “Do we even have time to talk about school
and these things? Don’t I have to prepare for the trial or whatever.”

“You’re not going to a trial, you’re going to do a private video statement.”

“Same difference.”

“And we can talk about school as well. I know you had a hard time at Pinewood when you
were living with Junghwan. Last week you also mentioned Jacob and you seemed nervous
about getting back in contact with him. I’d like to hear more about these things too if they are
affecting you so deeply that you felt the need to fail a test.”

Jungkook didn’t even try to deny it. It didn’t matter anyways. Since it was required by law
everyone get at least an eight grade education he could take the math test as many times as he
needed until he passed. “It just makes me really anxious, okay? I don’t even know why. It’s
just too many people and too many social interactions and too much pressure.”

“School is a big commitment,” Jamie agreed. “It sounds like before you went to live with
your father you really enjoyed school and sports. And from what you’ve told me in the past it
sounds like Jacob was a really good friend to you. Do you ever miss those things?”

“I mean yeah of course I miss it…but that was then. I can’t enjoy those things anymore.”

“Why not?”

“Because..I’m different.”

“Jungkook, being a different person isn’t the problem. Everyone, especially when you’re
younger changes. Going through trauma or having mental health diagnosis also doesn’t mean
you’re not allowed to enjoy things. You deserve to grow and learn and have social outlets
beyond the scope of your house.”

“It’s…” Jungkook trailed off.

“Frightening?”

He nodded.

“I know it’s scary, but difficult things often have a great payoff.”

“And I know I’m allowed to enjoy things, its just that I can’t enjoy them.”

He didn’t know what made him happy anymore. Maybe it was his depression or maybe it was
even deeper than that. Conversation topics skittered away from his tongue when he was with
his brothers or Mia. Soccer would be too tiring for him now and he would attract attention by
wearing long sleeves all the time to hide his scars. TV and video games had him zone out at
best and triggered him at worst. He got along better with Jemma and Binky than any human
 but Binky was still recovering and couldn’t exactly get away from his presence even if he
wanted to.

“They ruined everything for me,” Jungkook eventually said. “Did I…did I ever tell you about
the first time they did something to me?”

Jamie leaned forward, “No, but I’d like to hear about it.”

“I mean the first time J-Jonathon did something, he didn’t actually do something. So I
remember they invited me to their room to play video games…”

Chapter End Notes

Finally getting a move on with the plot, there's not going to be too many more chapters.
Definitely less than 40, I hope the story hasn't been too slow!
 Chapter 33

“I mean the first time J-Jonathon did something, he didn’t actually do something. So I
remember they invited me to their room to play video games. But we only played for a little
bit and then Jonathon started to act…weird. Like looking back on it I was just too stupid to
realize what he was doing.”

“Jungkook, you’re not stupid.”

It was said with such an air of confidence and finality that Jungkook almost believed her.

“I haven’t even told you what he…what they did,” Jungkook said. Every instinct was
screaming at him to hide, to switch the subject. Accompanied by his fear was still the
simmering anger, making him want to yell at her again because why did she really want to
know this information? How could he trust her? What if it was another person tricking him?

“You said they invited you to their room. Can you tell me what their room looked like? For
instance, the color of the carpet and walls?”

“Oh…uh. The walls – all the walls in my father’s house – are..were just white. Their
bedroom..? Um…” he trailed off, thinking hard. “..it was blue.” Now that he thought about it,
he remembered how scratchy and hard the surface of the house had felt. It was unbearable to
walk on it without socks or slippers and couldn’t compare to the polished wood floors and
plush carpet at Jin and Joon’s.

“I actually slept on the carpet of my father’s house a lot,” Jungkook blurted out. Even if he
put a sheet down first he would still wake up with reddened indentation patterns on his skin
because of it. In the rare times Jungkook had seen his father in the morning before he left for
work, he had commented on it.

“Jungkook? What’s that on your skin? A rash?”

“No, I think I fell off the bed when I was sleeping. I woke up on the floor. It’s from the
carpet.”

“You’re not sleep-walking are you?”

“I don’t think so,” Jungkook said.

Good, otherwise we might have to tie you down to keep you out of trouble!” his father joked.

Jamie continued to ask him about seemingly irrelevant details – the layout of the furniture of
his stepbrothers’ bedroom, the color of their sheets and even the video game controllers. He
recounted the video game they were playing, even managing to describe the character he had
chosen before-
“And..um yeah. We just played three rounds of it. And then Jonathon took the controller from
me.”

“What were you thinking at this point?”

“I don’t know…I was kind of disappointed? Like I used to play videogames with my brothers
all the time so it was weird when Jonathon said we were done all of the sudden.”

“What did he say?”

Jungkook squirmed in his seat. He hadn’t thought about it for so long. “He called me by my
nickname. That my family uses.”

“Kookie, Kookie, Kookie.”

An unwanted hand on his thigh, moving up and down.

At the time Jungkook had been startled but not overly alarmed at the gesture but looking
back…

“Did he do something that you made uncomfortable?”

Jungkook nodded, unsure if he would be able to speak past the rock lodged in his throat.

“I know it’s difficult to talk about, Jungkook. And whatever he did, it wasn’t your fault and
you shouldn’t feel ashamed about it.”

He managed to choke out the details in the end. It was wrong what Jonathon had done then
but it hadn’t been that bad beyond mild embarrassment and confusion – it was just him taking
his shirt off under his stepbrother’s predatory gaze. Yet, reciting the encounter to his therapist
heightened it somehow, made it worse and more humiliating.

By the end of his session, Jamie told him that she was proud of him and he’d done a good
job. Part of him had hoped that going over it would be cathartic in some way, make him feel
better. There was relief that the session was over but beyond that he didn’t feel any less
embarrassed or gross or empty but there was a tiny glimmer of warmth at his therapist’s
praise.

Their sessions over the weeks continued like that, except instead of Jin going first during
their 90-minute blocks, Jungkook did. Jamie always asked a lot of questions about…
everything. What people looked like and their exact words, things he could see, smell or hear.
At first he didn’t know why those things mattered but he realized that even if he couldn’t
remember what had happened in terms of people doing things to him, sometimes he could
remember the pattern of a shirt, the feel of a surface beneath his body, or pieces of dialogue.
Slowly but surely the pictures would form in his mind, the missing puzzle pieces getting
fewer and further between.

There was the niggling suspicion that Jamie’s seemingly irrelevant questions were just to
keep him talking. And for better or worse, it was working - he slowly revealed his darkest
secrets. Not without crying. Not without panic attacks and having to do sensory and breathing
techniques to calm down. Not without nightmares whenever he slept and anxiety so intense
when he was awake that it made his stomach in knots. His digestive system was in shambles
and his nerves were fried and he was just so tired.

Every session Jamie made notes on what he said. She would read them back to him at their
next session and more often than not, at least in the beginning, he had remembered more stuff
in the time between appointments that she would then add to his story.

Almost worse than telling her was the fact that when his time was over and he got to wait
outside she would then read the notes to his dad.

Jin would frequently emerge from Jamie’s office with red eyes. It made Jungkook even more
uncomfortable. His queasy stomach would tighten up further to the point he couldn’t handle
sips of water. His heart would begin to race. Jamie had explained to him that they were on his
side, that they wanted to ‘validate’ what had happened to him was wrong and sometimes that
looked like sadness. That the sadness came from love. But Jungkook already knew his whole
situation was wrong and fucked up. Their pity didn’t help him feel any better. Although
Jamie was usually calm because he told her he hated it when people cried over him, even her
eyes looked a little too bright during their sessions.

He knew this was what they had been building up to all along, for his dads to learn what
happened to him from his own words. If they had time before the trial and he would have to
tell Jin about everything himself, face-to-face. Part of him acknowledged it would be better to
tell his dads the story in the walls of Jamie’s office rather than have the first time be in the
court where he would film his statement.

Regardless, it was an impossible task.

The days passed like that. Therapy and more therapy that sapped the life out of him even
when he was at home. Or maybe it wasn’t the therapy or the remembering that was causing
him all the stress but that the date of his video deposition drawing ever closer. The days were
excruciatingly slow but somehow ticking by too fast. A minute was an eternity but a day was
the blink of an eye.

The exhaustion wormed its way into his bones and often left him with a thick brain fog. At
home it felt like he was watching his family through a blurry window. Binky got better and
could walk without limping. Taehyung got his driver’s license and Jimin failed his first
attempt. Yoongi got a promotion at work. Hoseok started dating a girl from work and was
looking to buy a cheap car.

None of it made Jungkook feel anything. He tried to have the appropriate reactions – his face
pulling into what he hoped was a smile when Yoongi told everyone about his promotion over
dinner. His facial muscles felt like manipulating stiff putty and he was relieved when the
conversation moved on and his expression lapsed back into one of blankness. When
Taehyung beamed with his driving certificate while Jimin was jealous and teary-eyed, it had
almost been unbearable. Taehyung was happy but Jimin was sad. How was he supposed to
react to that? He’d gone up to his room instead of trying to figure it out and laid on his bed,
wondering if he cut himself it would jump-start his emotions and he’d be able to interact with
everyone. If he could be part of the family again.
 ---

Namjoon was worried.

Jungkook had been doing better in some regards. He was finally talking with Jamie about the
abuse he’d went through at his father’s. He was starting to remember more of the last couple
years.

But he was also a lot worse in other aspects. While Jungkook communicated more openly
about his feelings, his feelings were always negative and the only times they weren’t was
because he was too tired to have them. Namjoon couldn’t blame his son for anything but part
of him wished Jungkook had actively participated in his therapy months ago – then maybe
they wouldn’t have to do this what he considered a weird and somewhat harmful ‘therapy on
steroids’ approach.

Jungkook had also started throwing up again. His son claimed he wasn’t doing it on purpose.
He’d watched as Jungkook paced the living room after a meal, face pale and clutching at his
stomach.

“I don’t feel good, I don’t feel good,” he mumbled.

Eventually Jungkook’s resolve gave out and he rushed to the bathroom, hunching over the
bowl as nerves upended the contents of his stomach. He was shaking and sweating and tears
were dripping down his face.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he croaked.

“Shh, baby, I know it’s not your fault,” Namjoon consoled as he blotted Jungkook’s face dry
with a clean towel. “It’s your anxiety, we’ll talk to Dr. Yung about it, okay?”

Jungkook let out a sob and pressed himself into Namjoon’s chest, saliva, tears, and all.
Namjoon wasn’t bothered by this and held him tight. Even through the supportive hand on
Jungkook’s back Namjoon could feel the hammering of his heart and knobbles of his spine.
He was shivering like he was ice cold despite it being the middle of the summer. This stress
was so unhealthy for him; a constant negative feedback loop with compounding effects.
Jungkook was so anxious he could barely eat or sleep. This made him lose weight again and
have permanent purple circles stamped under his eyes. In turn it made him more moody
which made him sleep even less and aggravated other symptoms of his various mental
illnesses.

What long term effects was this going to have on his health? When was the last time his
blood pressure was within normal limits? What was it doing to his heart?

From what he could tell, Jungkook was disassociating more and more. Namjoon didn’t know
what triggered it if, anything. He’d often find Jungkook listless, eyes glazed as he sat on the
living room couch. Calling out to him wouldn’t do anything but Namjoon was nervous to
touch or shake him, unsure of how he’d react. Eventually his son would blink back into
himself but it wouldn’t be long before he zoned out again, his mind somewhere else or
perhaps nowhere at all.
 ---

“Have you been sleeping better?”

The yoga hadn’t been helping as much as everyone wished it would. The nightmares still
came. Jin and Joon had bought him a weighted blanket a couple weeks ago but it didn’t work
for him. If anything, it made his nighttime anxiety worse, restricting his movement, pinning
him to his mattress. When that failed they tried again, this time with a weighted stuff animal.
It was a dinosaur and clearly made for little kids but Jungkook always had a soft spot for cute
things even if he would never admit it. Taehyung didn’t have those reservations – he saw
Jungkook’s and pouted, whining to Jin and Joon that he wanted one too. A small, still-lucid
fragment of his soul wondered if Taehyung actually wanted his own or was trying to ease
Jungkook’s embarrassment about it. Regardless, the stuffed animal was more effective than
the blanket. It was just enough pressure on the spot where his anxiety congregated, below his
chest and above his stomach, to ease him into fitful sleep.

“A little, I guess.”

It wasn’t just the nightmares either that made him dread going to bed - he’d also wet his bed
twice recently.

“The problem is,” Jamie said, “You’re associating your bed with the negative memories of
your stepbrothers.”

She’d said this to him a couple times. He already knew. It was why he had taken to sleeping
on his father’s hard, uncomfortable carpet more nights than not.

“So we need to make it feel like a safe space for you,” she continued. “Besides talking about
what happened, sometimes things like adding new decorations in your room or a different
patterned blanket can help.”

“Jin and Joon already tried the blanket, it didn’t work! And my bedroom doesn’t look
anything like the one at my father’s.” He had taken his wall decorations – some movie and
music posters and sports medals with him when he went to live with his father. When he went
with Ahmed, Jin and Joon to gather up his things, he hadn’t taken them back and his walls
with Jin and Joon were mostly barren. All those things had probably found their way to a
landfill by now. The only similarity was his old teddy bear. It had been his loyal companion
when everyone else abandoned him.

Jungkook paused. As sentimental as it was to him because it had gone with him through all
his worst moments, it was also a reminder of them. The thought of hiding the bear away
made guilt flash painfully in his chest. His mom had given it to him. He worried the bear
would feel lonely or hurt if he put it away.

“You can try having some scented object or even a different laundry soap. You could hang
lights or put white noise on,” Jamie droned on.

“Yeah,” Jungkook said. Maybe he could at least try to put new stuff up on his walls. “I also
like it best when Jemma sleeps with me.”
“You can give her some treats at night to train her to do it every night.”

“Okay.”

“But you know Jungkook, I think the most effective thing will still be to talk about what
happened and your feelings surrounding it.”

“Well good thing that’s what we’re doing all the fucking time,” he responded, punching the
yellow pillow on his lap half-heartedly.

---

Sweat-drenched bangs were plastered to his forehead when he startled awake. Even through
the anxiety, stomach cramps and the brain fog, his left hand reached to his nightstand,
fumbling for his phone. The light of the screen made his eyes squint in discomfort but it also
made the residual terror from his nightmare recede, if only by a fraction.

2am.

He swallowed and tried to take some deep breaths. It hadn’t been real.

Jin and Joon wouldn’t do that to him.

It was just wires in his brain getting crossed because of all this stupid therapy.

In his dream he’d been tied to a chair and in a room that vaguely resembled the one Jonathon
and Kevin had taken him to. The chair looked exactly like one of Jin and Joon’s kitchen
chairs. When the door to the room opened, it hadn’t been his stepbrothers or strangers that
had walked through. It’d been Jin and Joon.

They’d whispered Jonathon’s words in his ears and slipped their hands underneath his
clothing.

Jungkook let out a harsh, shaky exhale and pulled his knees closer to his chest and leaned
back against his headboard, joints aching more than they should’ve given the light stretching
session he had done with Jin and Hobi in the afternoon.

Breathe in. Hold. Breathe out.

A few more times.

At least he hadn’t wet the bed. A gust of wind outside rattled the nearby trees and he startled.
On edge, he strained his ears for any sounds out of the ordinary – boots on stairs, a keypad
code entered correctly, heavy breathing.

Silence greeted him. Because he was at Jin and Joon’s. Not there.

He peeled his eyes open and gazed at his bedspread. Jemma wasn’t in his room despite him
trying to tempt her with a catnip-laced treat. In summer she preferred to sleep during the day
and then went out at night when it was cooler.
He felt so lonely he could die.

Jin and Joon wanted him to wake them up if something was wrong but seeing them right now
would made him feel worse. At 2am there were only two potential candidates who’d be
awake right now.

’Yoongi?’ Jungkook texted with fingers that still had a slight tremor.

He stared with bleary, aching eyes at the screen until three minutes had ticked by. His brother
was asleep.

’Tae?’ Jungkook tried next.

Only a few moments passed and the loading dots became apparent, signaling his brother was
replying. A gif appeared of some anime character Jungkook didn’t recognize, nodding and
saluting.

’Are you awake?’ Jungkook texted back because he didn’t know what else to say.

Taehyung resent the same gif a moment later.

There was a lull in the conversation until Taehyung sent a simple ’u ok?’.

’idk just had a nightmare,’ Jungkook replied. His fingers had stopped trembling.

Padded footsteps grew louder until there was a soft knock on his door.

“Come in,” Jungkook called into the dark as he uncurled himself from his protective ball to
switch on his bedside lamp, wincing at the pain in his knees as he straightened his legs.

“Hey,” Taehyung said, closing the door behind him and plopping into the desk chair. The
creak it made sounded too loud in the dead of night.

“Are you having trouble sleeping?” Jungkook asked as if Tae was the one who had asked him
for help.

“I guess,” his brother said. “I’ve been worried about my mom,” he added after a moment.

“Oh.” Jungkook pulled his teddy bear into his lap and busied himself by looking at the
tattered plaid bow stitched into its neck.

“I know when she gets out of rehab she’ll be okay for a few months. Maybe even a year or
two. But I’m worried she’ll go back to drinking sooner or later and what if her body can’t
take it? Or what if she tries to drive when she’s not sober? I think…I think her problem is
gonna kill her one day.”

Jungkook’s hand tightened around his bear’s arm.

“Ah, shit, Kookie. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to-

“It’s okay. It was a long time ago.”

He sensed Taehyung’s eyes flicker to the bear in his lap. “You miss her though?”

It could’ve been interpreted as a question or statement based on Taehyung’s ambiguous

intonation. None of his siblings had ever asked about his biological relatives so directly
before. The topic was always kept at arm’s length with vague, sympathetic ‘how are you’s
and ‘is everything okay’s.

“Sometimes. Yeah. I don’t think I realized that until recently though. Does that…does that
make me a bad person?”

Taehyung finally shifted his gaze away to pick at the skin around his fingernails.

“It doesn’t make you a bad person, Kookie. You’ve had a lot on your plate.”

Jungkook cupped either side of his teddy bear’s head with his hands and smoothed his
thumbs over its ears in a repetitive manner. He wasn’t sure if Taehyung was lying to him or
not. Unlike him, Tae was always vocal about his feelings towards his bio-parents, constantly
worrying about them and hoping his next visit with them would go smoothly. He went with
his grandma every Thursday to visit his mom in the addiction clinic even though it must be
hard.

Jungkook’s aunt had gone to the hospital and Jungkook hadn’t visited her even once. He’d
cut off contact with his father. He never went to the city’s cremation garden where he and his
aunt had sprinkled his mom’s ashes.

“You still keep a picture of her in your room. I’m sure she’s watching and knows you care,”
Taehyung said.

Unlike everyone else in their family Taehyung believed in angels and an afterlife with a
fierce optimism. Jin and Joon had asked him once if he wanted to try going to church but his
brother had refused – what he believed in was his own religion, something Hobi called
‘Taeism’.

“Is that why you’re awake too,” Tae asked. “You had a nightmare about your mom?”

Jungkook started to actually cry as he remembered the initial reason for being awoken from
his sleep. Maybe Yoongi would understand but Taehyung wouldn’t get it.

“Jungkook…Kook..I’m sorry. I didn’t meant to upset you.”

He tried to take in a breath to tell his brother that he was okay, he didn’t need help. To go
back to his own bed.

“Should I go get dad?”

“N-no,” Jungkook said weakly. “M’fine. Just..g-go away. I’m t-tired.”

“I don’t know how..how to help you,” Taehyung said and he sounded a little desperate.
“You can’t h-help me.”

“I-

“Just go. Please.”

Taehyung got up without another word although he lingered in the doorframe a second longer
before he left and shut the door behind him.

Jungkook threw the bear onto the floor and turned onto his stomach, burying his face into his
pillow. The minutes turned to hours and he still couldn’t sleep. He tossed and turned, fear
giving way to frustration. He glared at the bear that lay innocently sprawled in the middle of
the floor. Forcing himself to his feet, Jungkook grabbed the stuffed animal by the foot and
marched out of his room. He was careful to not make too much noise as he crept downstairs.
He carefully undid the lock on the side door and stepped out onto the porch. A gray figure –
Jemma – slipped past his ankles and vanished into the darkness. Jungkook ignored her and
tip-toed to the garbage bin at the side of their house. He opened the lid and holding the bear
only by his forefinger and thumb, hovered it over the trash before he let it drop into the bin
with a small thud. Then Jungkook crept back upstairs and under his covers where he fell into
an uneasy sleep.

---

When Jungkook peeled his eyes open, a faint headache was pounding behind his eyes. Again
he fumble for his phone and again he was greeted by an unusual time– 1pm. He groaned and
got out of bed, vision darkening and legs wobbling for a few seconds. After going to the
toilet and drinking some water he did a self-assessment. The nauseating disgust and panic
from his nightmare with his dads had faded somewhat but he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to
look them in the eye. The awkward heart-to-heart with Tae in the middle of the night left an
unpleasant, lingering aftertaste as well. Jungkook needed all his emotional energy for therapy
tomorrow – he and Jin would be having their first conjoint session.

His next thought was then of his bear lying in the trash bin, greasy and soiled. Regret made
him want to dry heave and he hustled downstairs, ignoring the ‘hi’s from Hoseok and Yoongi
and the ‘There you are sleepyhead’ from Jin. Beelining to the trash bin outside with his feet
still bare, Jungkook opened the lid only to find it empty, a couple lone flies buzzing and
circling the bottom. His heart froze, icy panic crystallizing his cells. All the air was punched
out of his lungs.

“Jungkook? What are you doing?” Jin asked who stood, framed in the doorway.

“I…where..where is everything?” Jungkook asked, still staring into the empty bin.

“It’s Sunday. It was trash pick-up this morning. Why?”

Tears welled and burned in his eyes. How could he manage to be such a terrible and stupid
person?

Jin’s footsteps approached. “Kookie…” his dad said, laying a hand on his shoulder.
Jungkook’s skin crawled underneath the touch, his nightmare not ready to be forgotten. He
spun on his heel and rushed back into the house but his knees gave out not long after he
passed through the door. Collapsing by the washing machine, he hunched over until his
forehead was nearly touching the tiled floor. Arms wrapped around his torso, the sobs came
tumbling out of his mouth.

“Kookie, what’s wrong? What happened?” Jin fretted from somewhere above him.

“I m-miss my-my m-mom!”

He sensed Jin freeze above him. Rubbing a fist across his snot and tear-stained pathetic face,
he caught sight of something laying in the washing machine. A miracle?

With trembling fingers and sobs still threatening to suffocate him he pried open the door and
there lay his bear. Jungkook snatched it and held it close to his chest, cries not dying down
but changing to ones of relief.

“Is that what you were looking for?” Jin asked.

He managed a nod. Now that he held it close to him, he noticed it didn’t smell that great and
a patch of fur on the side of its head had a slimy stain on it.

“Honey, did you throw it away?”

“Thought I did,” Jungkook mumbled, throat feeling like gravel.

“Namjoon must’ve noticed him.”

Jungkook shrugged. He wanted to Jin to leave him alone. Rationality was often a struggle for
him but he knew his dad wanted what was best for him. The problem was neither Jin or Joon
was his mom. They couldn’t be.

---

With the video deposition just over a week away, they were finally having their first conjoint
therapy session.

“Its..embarassing.”

Jungkook thought how humiliating his life had been. Embarrassment had become so
normalized to him and the damage done by his stepbrothers had trumped everything else so
far in his life he almost forgot how terrible other things had been.

He remembered feeling embarrassed when he had to call Jin and Joon to tell them his mom
wasn’t home. He’d loved his mom and even though he’d only been six he remembered
wanting her to succeed just as much as he had missed Jin and Joon. Calling his foster-parents
was admitting defeat. He remembered feeling embarrassed when he was called to the school
office in fourth grade and the pity of the staff because his social worker was waiting for him
since his aunt had checked into some sort of mental clinic. The embarrassment of waiting in
the hospital for Jin and Joon to come after being brought there by the police, knowing they’d
be debriefed by the doctor and the nature of his injuries. It was embarrassing at how fast he’d
become at packing up his stuff. It was embarrassing having a different last name than his
brothers for so many years. It was embarrassing having the whole neighborhood and school
know that he was a foster kid. All of it led to him feeling like one big walking
embarrassment, no matter how many times people told him things weren’t his fault. After all,
he’d always been the common denominator. Even if his bio-relatives’ actions weren’t his
actions he still felt responsible somehow.

“Honey, none of it has been your fault,” his dad said. Generic, meaningless words and Jin
couldn’t even understand why he was embarrassed.

“It’s not just this..situation,” Jungkook said, sweeping his hands out. “It’s been everything, all
the time. You don’t get it!”

“I want to understand, tell me so I can help you.”

“It’s having everyone know I was a foster kid! It’s every time I moved having my stuff
packed up in fucking garbage bags! It’s how you would comb my hair for lice every time I
would visit! It’s everything about my life and it always has been! Don’t you get it? How did
you never notice!?”

“I never thought of you that way Kookie! I never pitied you and I’m sorry if I ever
embarrassed you,” Jin’s eyes had pooled with tears and they were beginning to drip down his
face. It upset Jungkook even more. It made him feel guilty while at the same time he thought
that Jin didn’t even have the right to cry.

“I don’t want to talk to you when you’re like this!” Jungkook snarled, curling further away
onto his own couch cushion.

Jamie had only been watching so far but now she spoke up, “Jin, how about you go wait
outside for a little bit?”

His dad got up but not before saying, “I just want to help you Kookie.”

Then why did it hurt so much?

---

This time Taehyung came into his room unprompted. At 12:30am, there was a knock on his
door.

“Yes?” Jungkook asked.

“It’s me,” Tae whispered, opening the door just a crack. “Can I sleep in here tonight?”

“I guess,” Jungkook said, despite the way his skin crawled with imaginary ants at the thought
of the weight of another body on the mattress, so close to his own.

“Thank you,” Taehyung replied as he crept across the floor, pillow in tow. Jungkook
shimmied over closer to the wall to make room for his brother.
“Wait,” he said.

“What?”

“Switch sides with me,” Jungkook insisted. This way Taehyung would be pinned against the
wall and Jungkook could escape whenever he wanted.

His brother merely shrugged at the request and crawled over him – Jungkook held his breath
and tried not to flinch. Taehyung fluffed his pillow and lay curled on his side towards
Jungkook.

“Can I use this?” his brother asked, gesturing the weighted dinosaur plushie that sat in
between them.

“I guess.”

“You don’t need it?”

“No…how’d you know I was awake?”

“I saw your status on Instagram.”

“Oh,” Jungkook replied, shifting so he was turned away from his brother.

“Good night.”

“Good night.”

Taehyung always had trouble sleeping alone which is why he never complained about having
to share a room unlike the rest of his brothers. Jimin was at a sleepover tonight and his
insomnia must be really bad if not only did he need to share a room with him but the same
bed. His heart ached with nostalgia at the way all three of them – Jimin, Taehyung and him
had shared a room when they were younger while Hoseok and Yoongi got their own rooms.
Though Jungkook had had his own bed then too, he and Taehyung often slept in the same one
together, whispering secrets and giggling until they fell asleep. Jungkook remembered how
he would wake during the night because Taehyung would be hugging him in a way that was
both for his brother’s own comfort yet had a protective feel to it.

They’d grown out of that years ago.

Despite his reservations, Jungkook found the soft snores that came from Tae’s mouth made a
pleasant white noise more effective than any weighted object and he soon found his own
eyelids growing heavier.
 Chapter 34
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes

“Jungkook the date of your testimony is coming up and I want you to be as prepared as you
can. I told you last week that I would be having a meeting with the lawyer for your case.”

Jungkook glared at her, gripping his teddy bear to his chest even tighter.

“We talked the other day,” she continued, unbothered by his nonresponse. “He told me about
the type of questions that would be asked and I think it’s good if we started practicing them.”

Once again her words were met with silence.

“You don’t have to try going through everything right now, we’ll keep taking small steps like
we’ve been doing. Did you do the homework I gave you last week?”

Jungkook furrowed his brow further. It was so humiliating. Even though he’d been telling
Jamie the things he could remember, apparently it hadn’t been good enough for her.

“I notice how you avoid using certain language so as homework it would be a good idea if
you practice saying some of the words when you’re by yourself to get more comfortable with
them,” she’d said after he told her that Jonathon was the one who usually initiated ‘things’
and began to take him to meet strangers so they could do ‘stuff’.

She’d handed him a list of words and phrases containing items like ‘sexual assault’,
‘narctotics’, and ‘abuse’ as if it was vocabulary for a spelling test.

He finally spoke up. “Don’t call it homework..its…its…”

He lapsed back into silence. Despite being tasked with practicing words, they all seemed to
flee from him, scattering like leaves in the wind.

“Listen Jungkook, I am very proud with what you’ve told me. But the lawyers might ask you
to be more specific and they’ll use words like these too.”

He scratched an invisible pattern on the couch with his index finger while his other hand
continued its white-knuckled grip on his bear. His knee started to bounce an anxious rhythm
of its own accord.

“Fine,” he muttered.

Jamie sat back in her chair, seeming satisfied. “Okay. So I think after we review your
narrative one more time we can practice a little bit of roleplay for the testimony? How does
that sound?”
“Jonathon and some of the others wanted me to roleplay with them sometimes. Did I tell you
that? They wanted me to say things to them. Like a play. Did you know that? Did I tell you
that already?”

The words tumbled out of mouth before he could stop them.

“Yes, you told me that the other week. Did you want to talk to about it some more?”

His eye twitched.

“N-no…you just said-so I said. I just thought maybe I didn’t tell you is all.”

“Alright,” she said slowly. “Well how about I ask you some questions the lawyers might ask
after we go over your narrative?”

He blinked rapidly. “What? Yeah. Yeah, sure. Okay.”

“Jungkook…you seem more jittery today than usual. Have you been taking your
medication?”

“I t-took it. You can ask Jin. I just didn’t sleep well,” he gnawed on his lip. Taehyung still
came to his room sporadically but unlike his own ailments it seemed his brother’s insomnia
had retreated. And Jungkook was left all alone. No such luxury for him.

“Do you want Jin to sit in with us?” she asked.

“No!”

Their conjoint sessions hadn’t been going well mostly because they’d barely been happening
at all. It was too awkward to have Jin there, hovering and nervous and biting his tongue even
though he clearly want to word vomit at him. Jungkook didn’t want him to say anything
except reassure him that everything would be alright. His dad had said he could do that but it
would be a lie and Jungkook needed the words to be sincere and he didn’t want Jin to-

“I’m going to start from the beginning,” Jamie interrupted.

“Beginning of what?”

“Of your narrative,” she said. Her eyes were scrutinizing and her hand was frozen in the
middle of flipping a page in her clipboard. She let go of it and smoothed her hand over the
papers before saying, “How about we do our five-senses technique first.”

“Sure. Yeah. Sure.”

There was a piece of loose skin on the side of the nailbed on his left index finger. He wanted
to rip it off with his teeth and make it bleed.

“Jungkook have you been wanting to hurt yourself lately?”

He nodded. That wasn’t anything new though, the craving for it had never really gone away,
he’d just stopped acting on it because it was so disappointing to everyone. Jamie sighed and
he felt as though he had disappointed her anyways. “I'm sorry,” he said.

“You don’t need to be sorry to me.”

“To Jin and Joon.”

Another sigh. “No, Jungkook, not to Jin and Joon either. To yourself.”

He crunched his eyebrows down further and although he so often he felt like he was floating
away from his body, now he was too present – he could feel the planes of his forehead
distorting and warping and making him look like the ugly monster he was.

To an extent he could believe that he hadn’t deserved what Jonathon and everyone else had
done to him. At least not maybe the extreme stuff. But he couldn’t forgive himself for the fact
that his silence had let other kids, kids he was pretty sure were younger than him though the
adults in his life danced around the question, be hurt too. He’d known better, his previous
experiences and the experiences of his brothers showed that the behavior of adults – drinking,
drugs, abuse – it was cyclical, repetitive. It was so obvious that Jonathon and Kevin and the
rest of the clients would’ve been hurting others that he had no idea how he’d tricked himself
into believing otherwise, that he was the only person they were hurting and in doing so he
was actually saving others from the same fate. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

---

It seemed Jungkook was more scared of talking to Jin about what happened than he was
about the event itself and if that didn’t signal he was a failure as a father, Jin wasn’t sure what
was.

“Do you want to tell Jin what you just told me?” Jamie asked.

Apparently he had remembered something over the last couple days and had twenty minutes
with Jamie alone to revise his narrative. Jungkook had been dry-eyed when Jin entered the
room but now tears started to drip down his face. “Y-you’re not gonna love me anymore if I
tell you!”

“That’s not true, I’ve always loved you and I always will,” Jin promised. It fell on deaf ears
and Jungkook continued to sit there and tremble and cry. At home he was always glued to
Jin’s side and craved kind, gentle touches but at therapy his walls went up and he often
scooted as far away as he could get on the couch, holding the pillow like a shield between
them.

If Jungkook couldn’t talk to him about what happened how the hell was he supposed to do
the video deposition? The rage was flickering inside of him, fanning itself to life.

“That’s it,” Jin said, bring his fist down on into his thigh with a decisive thump, “I’m going to
call them. Let’s meet with that doctor again – he shouldn’t have to do this!”
Surely the court would see what he saw and they’d declare Jungkook unfit to testify. Besides,
Jungkook already told Jamie pretty much everything he could remember – why couldn’t they
notarize the notes Jamie had taken?

And then Jungkook spoke again. His voice was tinny and watery but the words were clear. “I
w-want to do it.”

It was so surprising he was momentarily stunned into silence before the outrage he felt at
Jungkook’s situation took over once again. “What? Kookie, just because everyone tells you
you should doesn’t mean you need to feel obligated.”

“I think we should respect Jungkook’s decision,” Jamie added.

How the hell was she supporting this? Couldn’t she see how unwell this was making
Jungkook?

“I s-said it to the lawyer already,” Jungkook said timidly. Then he turned his sad doe-eyes to
his therapist where they communicated in their secret language he didn’t understand.

“Jungkook expressed earlier that,” Jamie said, smoothing her hands over her skirt, “that he’s
worried you might want to dissolve the adoption if he tells you what happened to him or
when you hear it at his testimony. Although I told him that’s not true it might be helpful to
hear you say it.”

Jin wanted to tear his hair out. “Dad loves you!” he wanted to scream. “Don’t you know your
dad loves you!?”

“Jungkook…I..me and Joonie would never do that. The thought has never even crossed my
mind! Adopting you was one of the happiest moments of my life, nothing will ever change
that. And, honey, you know Jamie’s been reading the notes to me.” Jungkook flinched at that.
“And I’ve talked with the police so I know at least some of what’s happened. And it hasn’t
changed me and Joonie’s love for you at all. It makes me sad and angry, for sure, but not at
you but at them. I’m sorry if it seemed like I was upset with you. I could never be. What
those men did to you was wrong and you weren’t at fault for any of it. You know that right?”

Jungkook nodded meekly but he could tell it was because he thought that was what Jin
wanted to hear. Then his son started rocking back and forth slightly, holding his old teddy
bear to his chest and his eyes glazed over. Jin took in the hollows of Jungkook’s cheeks, his
pale lips, and imagined the puckery scar tissue on his arms. And now Jungkook had some
misguided notion that he needed to take responsibility for what had happened to him.

“If this is what you want to do, Kook, I’ll support you,” Jin finally said, his heart sinking.

He thought maybe Jungkook couldn’t hear him, had floated away to somewhere more
bearable but then he blinked rapidly and stuttered, “It..it is.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”
Jin’s hand that was still curled into a fist against his leg relaxed and went limp. His heart was
heavy.

---

“Should he really be taking that with him?” Namjoon asked gesturing to the teddy bear that
sat on the couch.

“Why shouldn’t he? It helps him,” Jin replied testily.

They were all on edge – but none moreso than Jin - and it was probably best not to press the
issue. Ever since Namjoon had saved the stuffed animal from its demise, Jungkook had been
treating it almost reverently. Age-regressive behaviors were something Jungkook could be
prone to due to his Borderline diagnosis and if that’s what this was Namjoon wasn’t sure they
should be supporting it. His jaw twinged uncomfortably as he thought of all of Jungkook’s
new quirks and behaviors.

“You know, he could be carrying it around because he thinks it’ll make people-

“Namjoon.” Jin cut him off, whispering low and fast. “He’s carrying it around because he’s
still healing over some issues with his mom and because he’s facing one of the most stressful
situations in his life. Let him bring the fucking bear.”

His mouth clamped shut again, protests dying in his throat both due to Jin’s prickliness but
also because he heard Jungkook’s footsteps tramping down the stairs, signaling his return.

“Okay, I got it,” Jungkook said, shoving his therapy workbook into his backpack. He zipped
it up and snatched up his bear and held it to his chest before turning wide, sleep-deprivation-
ringed eyes towards them. Namjoon tried not to wince.

“Alright, let’s head out,” Jin said and walked ahead of them, car keys jangling in one hand
and his other on the top of Jungkook’s head.

Namjoon sighed and ran his hands through his own hair before following them out the door.
It was the last therapy session before the video deposition, which would be filmed this
weekend. They would go over the process again with Jungkook and let him ask any final
questions. Namjoon wasn’t sure if he would be needed or even welcomed at the session but it
seemed too monumental to not attend.

---

“Do you have any questions Jungkook?” Jamie asked.

His son’s gaze kept peeking over his shoulder to the attorney who sat perpendicular to them
in a chair Jamie had brought over from the table. Although Jungkook had met him a couple
of times last week to practice for his testimony, he was intimidated by the man and had made
sure to sit on the side of the couch furthest away from him. Usually Jungkook wanted to be as
far away as possible from Jin at therapy too but now Jungkook merely shook his head and
crunched his body into a knot against Jin’s side. After tomorrow his statement would be
 recorded and they could put this whole video deposition nightmare behind them. They could
find a more suitable, less stressful therapy method, go back to a slower approach.

Except that wouldn’t happen. Jamie wanted him to continue the three sessions a week as the
aftermath unfolded. The actual trial was in two weeks and although Jungkook wouldn’t have
to attend it, he would no doubt be anxious – Jin was fucking anxious about it - until he heard
an actual verdict. Even then there were still people out there that hadn’t been caught. There
were countless people who might one day see the vulnerability in Jungkook and try to exploit
it.

Jamie was talking again. “Are you sure Jungkook? Do you want us to go over the-

“No!” Jungkook snapped and lurched away from where he had been trying to burrow himself
in the crack where Jin’s body met the couch. Eyes screwed shut, his son started to rock back
and forth and Jin couldn’t help but think he looked on the verge of some psychotic break.
What if tomorrow really did him in? What if it made him start to self-harm again? Or another
suicide attempt? He’d have to be kept under close watch.

Although Jungkook hadn’t even been living with them a year since being rescued, sometimes
Jin felt hopeless. Unlike Namjoon he wasn’t a good at managing expectations. His husband,
probably from his work in the medical field, could recognize when something wouldn’t ever
heal properly. An injury that would result in a permanent limp no matter how many stretches
the patient did, or a numb spot in a finger after a bad break. Namjoon saw that stuff all of the
time and Jin knew he saw it in Jungkook at times too. “We can’t make him magically better
but we can make him less sick.” They weren’t making him less sick – they were willingly
going along with a plan that would make Jungkook worse.

In some ways it felt like Jin was handing Jungkook a razor blade and giving him permission.

Chapter End Notes

A short chapter because next chapter is going to be a long, long, long one!
 Chapter 35
Chapter Notes

Sorry this took so long to get out, the editing took forever!

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Jungkook was allowed to have them and his therapist in the room when the video was being
recorded. Originally his social worker, Ahmed, was going to be there to but since the
adoption was finalized there was no need and the court wanted to limit the amount of people.
Namjoon was particularly worried about the presence of the defending attorney given
Jungkook’s level of discomfort around the attorney who was actually representing him.
However, in a somewhat ‘off the record’ way, Jungkook’s attorney had told them in a pre-
planning meeting the week before that the defending attorney was a public court-provided
one. With the stepbrothers’ drug and child abuse profits under seizure the stepbrothers
couldn’t afford their own legal help.

“Don’t worry about the defending attorney – he’s a public defender and I’ve been acquainted
with him for years. He’s a decent man. He’s not going to be grilling Jungkook and trying to
paint Jonathon or Kevin as victims, that’s just TV rhetoric. His job is more or less to make
sure that their punishment is fair and fits their crime, not to help them escape it.”

But having a ‘punishment that fit the crime’ also meant making sure the punishment wasn’t
too excessive. In Namjoon’s mind no punishment could be too harsh but unfortunately torture
was an outdated method. Namjoon always had thought of himself as a peaceful and
progressive individual and had previously looked down on the states that still practiced the
death penalty - prison should be reformed to promote rehabilitation. He was no longer that
person. He’d likely have to settle for life in prison and hope many years rotting in a cell
would be the equivalent of hell on Earth.

Attorney Hernandez went on to explain that when getting statements from minors there were
all sorts of behaviors and standards both sides had to adhere to that didn’t exist for adults to
minimize the child’s discomfort. It had eased Namjoon’s worries a fraction but ultimately did
nothing for his remaining longstanding belief that the law hurt those that needed its help the
most.

As he, Jin and Jungkook piled out of their car Saturday morning and started their march to
the courthouse, Jungkook’s pace was getting slower and slower the closer they got, his
footsteps so unenthusiastic that every step became a grating scrape of shoes over concrete.
Namjoon put a hand on Jungkook’s back, both to be supportive but also to usher him forward
because they were already running late since Jungkook had laid in bed in a near-catatonic
state until the time they were supposed to leave.
At the entrance they scanned their belongings and Jungkook whipped his teddy bear off the
conveyor belt so quickly after he went through the metal detector that even the security guard
raised an eyebrow before nodding them through.

Attorney Hernandez was waiting for them in the lobby and, despite being ten minutes behind
schedule, he was kind and calm and lead them to the room they’d record in. It wasn’t an
actual courtroom since it would be too big and intimidating for such a small group of people.
Instead they were filming in a small, office-like room with plain blue carpet and eggshell
colored walls. There was hardly any furniture but Namjoon could see indentations in the
floor from table legs and other objects - they’d cleared it out just for them. Now there was
only a table on the left side of the room to put their stuff on, the camera equipment, two
lamps stood in opposite corners of the room, and a handful of chairs lined up near it for him,
Jamie, and the camera operator. Jungkook’s therapist was already sitting down, her bag on
the table but she stood up to greet them.

Another few chairs were placed next to the tripod, one on either side for Attorney Hernandez
and the defending attorney, Attorney Brixton. One chair was slightly grander than everyone
else’s and faced all the room’s occupants at a diagonal angle; it was reserved for the judge.
Finally, there were two chairs positioned in the center of the room barely a couple meters
away from the tripod. One for Jungkook and the other for Jin since Jungkook was allowed to
have a guardian sit next to him along with any other items that, as the Hernandez had put it,
‘helped him with mental distress’.

“Good morning,” the judge said, standing up to greet them. Jungkook didn’t look at him and
Namjoon noticed his eyes following the twisted, vine-like cable to the tripod and then up its
length to the camera. His fear towards the offending object was obvious, like it was a wildcat
perched on a rock, just waiting for its moment to pounce and devour him.

“Is the temperature in here okay?” the judge asked.

A silence.

“Jungkook, is the temperature okay?” Jin repeated.

“Huh? Oh…yeah…its fine.”

“Do you have any questions for me, Jungkook?” In any other situation Namjoon probably
would’ve respected and maybe even admired the judge – he seemed like a kind man with the
countenance of a grandfather who genuinely cared for Jungkook’s well-being. As it was,
Namjoon would always associate him with creating more bad memories for his child and
after the actual trial Namjoon hoped to never see or think of him again.

“No,” Jungkook said.

So they began. Everyone went around and introduced themselves and then they put down
their belongings and took their seats. He hated how he had such a passive role, sitting to the
side and watching as if he was an audience member to a macabre play.
Jungkook perched next to Jin on his chair in the middle of the room, back stiff and straight
with his arms wrapped protectively around his teddy bear.

“Alright, we’re going to start recording now,” the judge explained.

Jungkook swallowed and shifted uncomfortably and even from his view off to the side
Namjoon could see the way he swallowed in apprehension. The judge nodded to the operator
who pressed a button and the red light of the camera blinked on, before he strode over to take
his seat by Jungkook’s therapist.

The judge confirmed everyone’s information and had all participating subjects, that is
Attorney Hernandez, Attorney Brixton, and Jungkook swear the oath. Jungkook was visibly
nervous and his hands were squeezing and un-squeezing his bear’s torso as if it were a stress
ball.

The judge then read the case number and description and finally: “Can you introduce
yourself? Please state your full name.”

“Jun..Jungkook Jeon. I mean Kim. Jungkook Kim. I’m sorry, I-

“It’s okay,” the judge assured, waving his hand dismissively. Not that Jungkook could notice
the gesture since his eyes were still glued downwards. “Alright, Attorney Hernandez, you
may begin with your questions.”

Jungkook’s lawyer stepped forward so he was in the frame. “Jungkook, today we’re going to
have you walk through the events concerning your stepbrothers, Jonathon Williams and
Kevin Williams, okay?”

“I…I don’t remember a lot of stuff,” Jungkook began hesitantly.

“That’s alright, just tell us what you can,” Attorney Hernandez said.

Jungkook nodded but his posturing was still tense and uncertain.

“When did you start living full-time with your biological father, Junghwan?”

“Last year. In January.”

“January 2021, correct?”

“Uh-huh.”

“And your stepbrothers were also living there?”

“Yes.”

“And had you met them before you moved in with your biological father, Junghwan?”

“Yeah..I stayed with my father for a few days every now and then during the previous year
before I moved in for real because that's what social services makes you do. He was living in
that house the whole time with his wife and Jonathon and Kevin,” Jungkook explained. “So I
met them every time I stayed over before actually moving in.”

In spite of everything, Namjoon’s heart swelled with pride at Jungkook’s steady, detailed
commentary.

“Can you tell us what the living situation was like during these times?”

“Um…it was fine I guess. They..Jonathon and Kevin shared a bedroom. I had my own room.
The first couple months everyone always seemed to be working and I had school and soccer
so I didn’t really see them that much.”

“Okay, I see. And when did Kevin and Jonathon start to touch you or engage in any behavior
that was sexual in nature or made you uncomfortable? Can you give us the most specific
date?” Hernandez continued.

“Um, uh, like, March. Yeah, March.”

Namjoon clenched his fist. Yoongi’s birthday was early March and Jungkook had come over
for a weekend to celebrate it. He couldn’t recall anything out of the ordinary for Jungkook
behavior-wise then but wondered if the abuse had already begun.

“Could you walk us through any events involving you and Jonathon or Kevin that March?”

Jungkook shifted to look up at the lawyer, Jin and Jamie uncertainly in turn. His son’s eyes
ghosted over his own and made Namjoon feel more useless than he already did. Jungkook
dropped his gaze back to his pants when no one provided an answer for him. The silence was
building and the lawyer gently prompted him again.

“Can you remember the first time they did something that made you feel uncomfortable?”

“Y-yes. Um, they asked me to play video games in their bedroom. We did for a little bit but
then…but then Jonathon wanted to, um, uh, play a different game. Truth or dare. And he
dared me to take off my shirt...”

Another beat of silence.

“Did you do what Jonathon said?”

“Yes.”

“And then what happened?”

“Um…well I told him I didn’t want to play anymore. He let me leave. I went back to my
room.”

“Did he follow you?”

“No.”
“Was Kevin in the room during this?”

“Yes.”

“What was Kevin doing at that time?”

“He was ignoring us. He was still playing the video game. I remember he turned up the
volume on the TV.”

“Is there anything else they did that day that made you uncomfortable?”

“N-no. I don’t think so. I can’t remember.”

“That’s okay. Let’s move on. When was the next time something like that happened?”

“Maybe a week or two later..? I’m not sure.”

“Was it in March still?”

“I think so,” Jungkook replied nervously.

“Can you explain what happened and who did it?”

“It was Jon-Jonathon. He came into my room. He said he wanted to show me a video.”

Jungkook fell silent again.

“What was the video of?” the lawyer prompted.

“It was on his phone,” Jungkook whispered, red creeping up his neck past the neckline of his
cream-colored sweater. “It was a video of, um, two n-naked people.”

“Did you recognize the people in this video?”

“N-no.” The blush was coloring his cheeks.

“Were they adults?”

“Y-yes.”

“What gender were they?”

“A man and a woman.”

“Were the people in the video engaging in a sexual manner?’

Jungkook nodded.

“Can you speak out loud for me?”

“Y-yes. They were. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Hernandez said patiently and smiled. Still, except for when he looked at Jin or
Jamie for help, his gaze never left a few square inches of carpet in front of his toes. But he
was doing so well and Namjoon was so proud of him.

“Did Jonathon do or say anything when he showed you the video?”

“Y-yes. He explained that, well I already knew what it was…and that what they were-

Jungkook took a few breaths and he finally loosened his iron grip around his stuffed animal
to rub his hands back and forth on his slacks. “He said that they were having, um, s-sex and
that it felt good and that they did it because they liked each other. He said..he said he l-liked
me.”

“What happened after that?”

Jungkook’s fingers curled back so tightly into his bear that the skin stretched taut over his
knuckles was white and bloodless. “He, um, tried to k-kiss me. I think. But I moved away. He
said something but I don’t remember what it was and then he left my room.”

“Was Kevin there?”

“No.”

“Did anything else happen that day?”

“N-no but I remember then it was only the next day when he came back into my room,”
Jungkook’s voice trembled slightly as he picked up the pace and launched into the story
without prompting. “He told me to sit on my bed and to watch him. He took off his pants and
wasn’t wearing, um, under-underwear. He touched himself.”

“Was he touching his penis?” the lawyer clarified.

Now even the tips of Jungkook’s ears had gone beet-red. “Y-yes.”

“You’re doing good, thank you,” Hernandez paused to give Jungkook a breather before he
continued.

Namjoon fought the rising nausea at the image Jungkook was painting. Although he knew the
abuse got worse – much worse – there was just something so weirdly intimate and creepy
about forcing a kid to watch him masturbate in his own bedroom. He could only imagine the
fear and confusion Jungkook had felt.

---

“Did you ever try to tell Junghwan or Marielle about what was happening?”

“No,” Jungkook admitted guiltily.

“Do you believe they noticed anything was wrong or unusual?”

“No. I don’t…no. They were really busy with work and I think, um, maybe they had some
money troubles so I just tried to not bother them too much. But they were nice..they
would’ve done something if they knew.”

“What about your social worker at the time, Audrey?”

“She asked me the questions she was supposed to but I…I lied to her. And I was careful to
always wear long sleeves and stuff so no one would notice anything. I’m s-sorry.”

“You don't need to apologize, I’m just trying to get a picture of your environment and the
people around you.”

Jungkook nodded uncertainly and Namjoon could tell by the way he bit his lip he was trying
to hold back another apology.

---

“You had also been fostered long-term by the family who has now adopted you, correct?”

They were going to bring Jin and Joon into this too?

“Y-yeah…”

“And they are in the room with us now, correct?”

Hadn’t everyone already announced their names in the beginning and their relationships to
each other?

“Uh-huh.”

“Can you identify the individual sitting next to you?”

“You mean my-my dad?” Was he supposed to say Jin’s name? It was so weird and
uncomfortable. He leaned subconsciously to his right so his shoulder pressed against his
dad’s bicep.

“Yes, you were adopted by Kim Seokjin and Kim Namjoon, correct? And the man sitting
next to you is Kim Seokjin?”

“Yeah..y-yes to, um, both the questions.”

“Alright, thank you for clarifying. And did you have any contact with Seokjin and Namjoon
while you were living with your biological father?”

“At first, yeah.”

“What do you mean by ‘at first’?”

“Oh..um…when-when Jonathon and Kevin started to…started to…do things to me I slowly

stopped talking to them. Because Jonathon didn’t want me to.”
“Did he say this to you?”

“Well not exactly…”

“Why do you think it was that Jonathon didn’t want you contacting Kim Seokjin or Kim
Namjoon?”

The other lawyer, who Jungkook had only heard talk in the beginning when doing
introductions and swearing the oath finally spoke up. His voice was surprisingly soft.
“Objection, Your Honor, the question calls for speculation.”

“Overruled. Attorney Hernandez, you may continue.”

Jungkook didn’t follow what happened but the lawyer repeated his question. “Why did you
stop talking with your then-foster parents?”

“Because..um..I think Jonathon was worried they would get suspicious. For a while I still
wanted to go over to their house but then Jonathon made me make excuses like I was sick or
had a test to study so I couldn’t go. I think it was because one time my dad- um, Jin, called
my social worker.” He risked a glance up at Jin but his dad’s face stared straight ahead,
trained on Mr. Hernandez but Jungkook could tell he was upset. It was awkward to answer
questions and talk about Jin when he was right there.

He adjusted his grip so only his left hand was on his bear and his right latched vice-like onto
Jin’s sleeve even though if his dad decided to leave Jungkook wouldn’t have the strength to
stop him. He tried to focus on the feel of the cloth of his dad’s blazer beneath his fingertips
but the fabric was smooth polyester and the plasticky feel just compounded the sense of
pressure and formality. Jin and Joon with their serious expressions and fitted blazers and gel-
slicked hair were not his dads. Jin should be wearing his loungewear, a matching sweatsuit in
an embarrassing color and Joon in one of his stereotypical yet unironic, nondescript dad
outfits – cargo shorts and some T-shirt he got for free at a stupid event. Jungkook himself
wasn’t dressed so formally in an outfit Jin had chosen for him - dark cotton-denim blend
pants and a thin cream sweater that Jimin had grown out of. He felt so out of his depth and as
much as he needed his teddy bear, Honey, he knew how stupid it looked.

“Do you know the reason of the call to your social worker?”

“It wasn’t about Jonathon,” Jungkook clarified. “I um…I got in a fight. At school. It wasn’t
really a fight. I didn’t start it. But yeah. I had a bruise on my face from it when I went to visit
one weekend so they were worried. They asked me if someone was hurting me. But I said no.
And then I guess they called Audrey – my social worker at the time. So she also asked me if I
was okay and called my school. And..and my father was mad. And so then Jon-Jonathon and
Kevin heard about it too. And Jonathon- he was really mad. So he said I couldn’t see them
anymore.”

He felt Jin shift next to him again and he panicked, so sure Jin was about to leave. “I’m
sorry!” he blurted loudly. His words rang out, not quite echoing off the walls but louder than
any sound that had been made previously. He flinched reflexively and grabbed a larger of
handful of Jin’s sleeve.
“It’s okay Kookie,” Jin said, “You’re doing good.”

The guilt and shame still twisted and churned in his gut, an unending and raging sea of
misery inside him.

---

The timeline Jungkook continued to layout, even if Jin was familiar with it, didn’t make it
any easier to hear. Throughout March and April Jonathon continued to come to his room
almost daily. Every now and then Kevin would do something too but for the most part it was
Jonathon that was always breathing down his neck and forcing him into increasingly
horrendous situations.

As the abuse escalated, Jungkook’s coherency decreased. He was trying to describe the
events without using any words referring to body parts. Thankfully, the lawyer allowed these
somewhat roundabout explanations and Jin prayed that the defending attorney wouldn’t press
Jungkook for more explicit language. Jin could feel his own palms grow sweatier and
sweatier as he listened to Jungkook’s fumbling sentences.

“Um, uh, and he, uh, said he d-didn’t want to t-touch it, so he told me to open my, um, and
put it in t-there.”

Unfortunately this too abstract even for his lawyer.

“What does ‘it’ refer to?”

“His, um. His. Uh, his...you know, d-down there.”

“Do you mean Jonathon’s penis?”

Jungkook nodded frantically.

“Could you tell me again where he said he wanted to put it?”

“Um, uh, in my my-my m-mouth.” Jungkook let out a shuddering exhale. Then he sniffled
loudly and the first tear made its appearance.

“Let’s take a ten minute break,” the judge decided calmly.

At those words, Jungkook immediately pulled his feet onto the chair so he could hide his face
in his knees as he cried. Although they weren’t allowed to turn the camera off and unless it
was truly necessary Jungkook had to stay in its view, the rest of the participants filed out to
give them some privacy. Then the room was empty save for him, Namjoon, Jamie, and
Jungkook.

No one said anything for a few moments and his son’s soft cries echoed around the small
room.

“You’re doing so good, sweetheart,” Jin tried to console. His hand hovered above Jungkook’s
curled shoulders until he decided to take the risk and place it on his back. He could feel
Jungkook’s hummingbird-tempo thrum even through his sweater. “I know it’s difficult but
we’ll get through this and you can take as many breaks as you need and then we’ll go home.”

The consolations fell flat because there was really no ‘we’ in this situation.

“Remember what we discussed last session Jungkook?” Jamie spoke up.

At this Jungkook finally peeked over his knees to look in her general direction. “Y-yes,” he
mumbled.

“I know it’s hard but try to keep that in mind,” she said and didn’t elaborate further.

A few more minutes of hiccupping and sniffling passed and then Namjoon handed Jungkook
some tissues that had been placed on the table. Jungkook wiped the tears and mucus off his
face and Namjoon gently took the balled, soggy material to dispose of them.

Jungkook’s earlier words kept ringing in Jin’s ears - “And Jonathon was really mad.”

Jin wondered how much damage he had inadvertently caused by calling Audrey all those
months ago. Potential kidnapping charges be damned - why hadn’t Jin trusted his intuition
and kept Jungkook at their house until Jungkook’s home life had been properly investigated?

---

He’d said Jonathon’s name so many times by this point it didn’t even sound like a real name
anymore. Jonathon, Jonathon, Jonathon. It was just an abstract cluster of meaningless
syllables that felt heavy on his tongue. He said ‘Kevin’ a lot too but Jonathon was always the
more pervasive presence and the one he saw most often in his nightmares.

Jungkook really didn’t want to mess this up. If he couldn’t get through this, then what did he
even have to show for the endless time and money Jin and Joon had spent on his therapy and
medication and probably a million other things he didn’t even know about? It compounded
his guilt that he had wasted so much time with Jamie, avoiding talking for months about what
had happened to him while he lived with his father. He’d only had a few ‘rehearsals’ with Mr.
Hernandez and it didn’t really make it any easier and they hadn’t gone over everything.

“Can you recall the first time Jonathon did something penetrative?” Mr. Hernandez asked.

Jungkook blanched.

“Um…y-yes,” he was about to continue when he furrowed his brows in confusion. “Wait
Jonathon? I mean, uh, my first..er…time it was with Kevin.”

The lawyer raised his eyebrows almost imperceptibly in surprise. They’d gone over this
question together before in his rehearsal at therapy but Jungkook had been stumbling through
his answers and crying a lot so maybe he hadn’t been clear that Kevin was the one who had
been the first one to…take it that far. Not Jonathon. Or maybe he himself had gotten confused
and misspoke.
“Thank you for clarifying. Can you please tell us the date and what happened to the best of
your ability?”

“It was in April. I remember because I had a school project due that week.” His homework
assignment was memorable because it was the first school assignment he had ever failed.
Because he never turned it in. It marked the start of his decent into bad marks, where he
plummeted from all A’s and B’s to straight C’s by the end of seventh grade. By the beginning
of eighth grade he was too depressed to try at all. He had only gone for a few weeks before
the police came but still didn’t want to know what his progress report looked like.

Jungkook swallowed a few times as he collected his thoughts to try and piece together what
had went down when Kevin did what he did.

Jungkook was home alone, per usual. He knew his father had mentioned at some point
yesterday, or possibly this morning, when he and his step-mom would be home but Jungkook
couldn’t remember. He had other things on his mind. Half of his brain was trying to create the
PowerPoint presentation for his English class on the book he hadn’t managed to read, while
the other half was wondering who and how he should tell about what Jonathon had been
doing lately. He had a meeting with Audrey next week but couldn’t imagine getting the words
out when it came down to it. It was so embarrassing. And he knew his father was trying so
hard and was worried he would be punished even though he didn’t have anything to do with
it.

The walls of the house were thin and Jungkook startled when he heard the front door open
with a crash. Angry stomps quickly made their way across the living room and down the hall
toward his bedroom door. Jungkook screwed his eyes shut and tried to make himself as small
as he could in his squeaky desk chair as the door was flung open.

A hand on the back of his seat whirled it around and Jungkook opened his eyes enough to
make out not Jonathon but Kevin towering over him, face contorted in anger.

“K-Kevin? What-

Jungkook never got to finish his inquiry as Kevin hauled him to his feet by his collar.

It was quick and violent.

Jungkook didn’t even remember having his clothes torn off. One second he was standing face
to face with an enraged Kevin who held a fistful of his shirt and the next he was face down on
his bed, wearing nothing from the waist down. He heard the sound of a container opening
and closing and a muted clatter as it tumbled onto the floor. Jungkook’s face was pressed
sideways on his mattress and he cracked open an eye to see a miniature tub of Vaseline on the
floor. His brain was going a million miles a minute but still unable to comprehend anything
and then he felt something pressing a slimy substance down there.

He'd truly started to panic and tried to push Kevin off of him, kicking his legs frantically and
scratching with his hands but the older grabbed his wrists and pinned them to his lower back.
And then his step brother was arranging himself over him and he felt something down there
again and it hurt and it burned and he started to sob and was pretty sure he even screamed
but there was no one else around to hear. And then it was over.

Kevin got off of him, dressed himself and left his room as suddenly as he had come, slamming
the door behind him. Jungkook continued to lay on his stomach, trembling from head to toe
trying to ignore all the pain and sliminess as tears continued to dribble from his eyes. He
wasn’t sure how long he laid there but eventually there was the sound of Jonathon’s voice
floated from somewhere else in the house. He sounded upset and Kevin still sounded angry.
The words were too muted to make out what was being said but it was clear they were
arguing until Jonathon came into his room and kneeled beside the bed so they were at eye-
level.

“I’m really sorry Jungkook. Let me help you. Kevin shouldn’t have done that,” Jonathon
whispered. Jungkook’s vision had gone blurry but he managed to focus enough to see that
Jonathon’s expression looked worried and sad. But why would Jonathon care? Because he
wanted to be the first one? Until now, part of him had still held onto the hope that everything
would stop, Jonathon and Kevin would no longer bother him and he could pretend nothing
ever happened.

When Jonathon tried to get him to stand up, Jungkook’s brain finally kicked into gear and he
shrieked as he scuttled to the corner of the bed, pain lancing up his spine.

“I want to help you, Jungkook. We need to get you cleaned up.”

“Leave m-me alone! G-go a-away!” he sobbed.

“Don’t be like that, Jungkook, it was a mistake.”

“G-go away!” he shouted again, now with an added edge of hysteria.

“Come on, let’s get you to the bathroom. I’ll carry if you can’t stand. Does it hurt? I can give
you some medicine.” Jonathon continued in that same careful tone like he was talking to a
wounded animal.

Jonathon reached out towards him and Jungkook shrieked and flailed again even though it
made it burn worse down there. “D-don’t. I c-can w-w-walk,” he managed to choke out,
submitting to Jonathon like always.

“Okay, be careful, I don't want you to hurt yourself.”

His elder stepbrother ran him a bath and gave him what he said was Ibuprofen and Tylenol
PM, ordering him to clean himself up well but to be gentle. At some point Jungkook during
his stumbling trek from his bedroom to the bathroom, Jungkook had switched to autopilot and
did as he was told because following Jonathon’s calm but firm instructions was better than
letting his own thoughts run wild.

By the time he was done and dressed in fresh clothes Jonathon had brought to the bathroom,
he could hear the sound of their clunky washing machine running. It was old and loud and
shook the whole house when it was on. When he returned to his bedroom, walking with slow,
careful steps, he saw his bed had new sheets. Jungkook jumped as Jonathon’s voice startled
him from behind.

“This is gonna stay between us, right Jungkook?”

He turned to look up at his elder stepbrother. His expression was still innocent with that veil
of concern over it but Jungkook knew there was a threat hidden somewhere.

“R-right,” he stuttered.

“Okay, good. How about you take a nap and sleep it off then?” Jonathon said, gesturing to
the freshly made bed.

Jungkook felt nauseous looking at it.

“I d-don’t…” Jungkook trailed off as Jonathon gave him a hard nudge in the bed’s direction.

In the end, he curled up in the smallest ball he could by the headboard, trying not to think
about what had transpired not even an hour ago. The medicine must’ve been stronger than he
thought, because despite his spinning emotions his eyelids began to feel heavy.

Unless he was too hurt or tired, he usually preferred to sleep on the floor after that.

As the memory played in his head, Jungkook could hear himself talking. He was floating
above his body. One part of him saw the scene of Kevin of throwing him onto the bed while
the other watched the stiff-postured version of himself talking to lawyer, eyes blank but
mouth opening and closing like a puppet.

“I was home alone. Kevin came home angry. I don’t know why. He came to my room and
took my clothes off. And, um, put me on the bed and…he also got undressed. I t-tried to get
away but he grabbed my arms behind my back. Then he put his thing inside me down there.
Um..I don’t really remember what happened exactly after that but when he was done he left
my room and Jonathon came home too and told me to take a bath,” Jungkook summarized.

“Did Jonathon say anything to you? Or give you anything? Where was Kevin?” Mr.
Hernandez asked calmly, as if Jungkook had been talking about the weather. His tone helped
though. Jungkook preferred neutral detachment to the disgust and horror he could feel
radiating off of Jin.

“I’m not sure where Kevin was but I think he was still home. Jonathon told me not to tell
anyone. He gave me, um, some painkiller and something to help me sleep.”

“Did he say what it was?”

“He said it was, uh, ibuprofen and Tylenol,” Jungkook said. Despite what anyone else said he
was sure someone was going to arrest for doing drugs and drinking alcohol and that maybe
this whole meeting was to get him to say it.

“Did you see where he got them from? Did he take it from a container with a label?”
“N-no…I don’t know where they c-came from,” Jungkook admitted but only because he
swore an oath not to tell the truth. It was something that he hadn’t thought about until later.
His father had kept the Ibuprofen and other generic medical supplies in the medicine cabinet
above the bathroom sink. But Jungkook had been in the bathroom waiting for the tub to fill
up while Jonathon had gone out of the room and returned with the pills. Jungkook didn’t take
Ibuprofen or Tylenol that much but he was pretty sure the Ibuprofen in the shared medicine
cabinet was red and the Tylenol a light blue. The pills Jonathon had given him were white. Of
course, his stepbrother could have bought his own that were of a different brand but
Jungkook knew deep down that probably wasn’t the case.

Not long after that incident, Jonathon took him to meet his first customer in the secluded
parking lot. There were still gaps in his memory from this time as well but he’s pretty sure he
remembered more things than not. He remembered the car clients being similar to how
Jonathon started out, first men demanding things like hasty handjobs or they’d zip open their
pants and hold his head down with a hand on the back of his neck or painfully gripping his
hair. Sometimes he brought them drugs too. Jonathon would hand him an envelope and
instruct him to deliver it to the customer and tell him the amount of money he’d get in return.
Jungkook never asked what was in the envelope and Jonathon never told him but he knew it
was some kind of drug.

This only happened a few times, at least that he can remember. He knew Kevin also didn’t
approve of Jungkook being their ‘drug mule’. Anyways, he would hand the customer the
envelope, then they would do something, then he’d get his money and scurry back to
Jonathon’s car. Only one time a customer didn’t try to touch him.

“Damn, he’s sending a little kid to peddle his shit, that’s crazy!”

Jungkook hadn’t known how to reply to that so kept his mouth shut. The man, who seemed
only as old as Kevin, shoved money into his hand and Jungkook dutifully counted it. Sure
that it was the correct amount, Jungkook looked back up at the man and licked his lips
nervously.

“Why are you still here little dude? I ain’t giving you more.”

“Don’t you want to…want to do something?”

Jungkook worried it was a test of some sort. But the man stared at him uncomprehending for
a few seconds before his face contorted with rage and Jungkook feared for his life more than
he already did.

“I don’t do shit with little kids, I’m not some fucking pedo, the fuck’s the matter with you!?
Get the hell out of my car!” he roared.

Not needing anymore prodding, Jungkook fled back to Jonathon’s car.

“You got the money?” Jonathon asked. And then, “What were you talking about over there?”

“I just thought maybe he wanted to…I didn’t realize he only-only w-wanted the-the
envelope…”
His stepbrother regarded him for a long moment before the corners of his mouth turned
upwards into a cruel smirk.

“Wow you really are a little slut aren’t you!” Jonathon crowed, his eyes glinting with delight.

“I’m not!” At the time Jungkook still had some tiny bit of fight left in him.

Jonathon’s eyes trailed after the man who was now driving out of the parking lot, wheels
screeching on the asphalt in his haste. He waited until the headlights vanished down the road
until he said, “If you’re so eager Kookie, we can do something right now, just the two of us.”

“Please, I don’t want to.”

But then Jonathon had wrestled him into the back seat and got on top of him and that was the
first time he had sex with Jonathon. Unlike with Kevin, it wasn’t the last time. It seemed
afterwards Jonathon got more frequent with his visits and outlandish with his demands. This
was in June but he couldn’t remember when exactly. It was probably in early June, right
before school let out for the summer since the second week of that month he knew he had
gone camping with and Jin and Joon and his brothers. There was still an empty space in his
brain where the camping trip should be but there was photographic proof he’d been there.
According to Jin, that trip was the last time he saw any of them in person until the police
rescued him.

Jungkook explained all of this to the lawyer in the detached way from earlier. He talked and
talked and even though he felt he could go on – the next part of his narrative was when they
started taking him to the storage room – the judge called for a break. That was when he
slowly drifted back into himself and could feel his own icy fear and nauseating shame. They
were taking a break because he’d told them about the drugs. He shouldn’t have done that. He
eyed the door, waiting for the police to bust it down just like they’d done at his father’s
house. This time they’d handcuff him and shove him into the back of the police car instead of
wrapping him in a blanket and laying him down in an ambulance.

“Jungkook did you need to use the bathroom?” Namjoon asked. From the tone of his voice, it
wasn’t the first time his dad had asked the question and Jungkook didn’t recall him getting up
from his seat and kneeling in front of him. He’d almost forgotten anyone else besides the
lawyer and judge and the camera were here at all. Except now everyone was gone except for
Jin, Joon, Jamie and Mr. Hernandez.

He blinked rapidly, confusion and doubt clouding his thoughts. “The bathroom..? No…I-I
don’t need to.”

“Okay, I’m gonna pop out for a second then, alright? Dad and Jamie will stay with you.”

“Okay…”

He rubbed his eyes. They were dry, for now, but still store and a small headache pulsed in his
temples. When he pulled his palms away from his face, Namjoon had disappeared.
“Why don’t you drink something, sweetheart,” Jin prompted. He hadn’t managed to eat
breakfast this morning and he watched as Jamie shifted through the items on the table before
finding a box of orange juice and bringing it over. He took it reluctantly and sipped as Jamie
tried to doll out some advice he couldn’t quite concentrate on. At all costs he avoided looking
at the camera where he knew it was still capturing his every move.

---

Namjoon walked down the hallway where he vaguely recalled seeing a bathroom sign earlier.

Jungkook’s dissociative states never ceased to spook him but he had grown desensitized to it
a little with how often Jungkook did it.

In one of the handful of times Namjoon had dropped by Jamie’s session himself, the therapist
had explained that everyone disassociates – for example, if he ever drove somewhere so
often, like work or the grocery store, that sometimes he’d be in the parking lot not
remembering the drive there.

For Jungkook though dissociation was a survival mechanism.

“You see it a lot in children who have been sexually abused. They can’t fight, can’t run away,
so they disassociate.”

He clenched his jaw against the tears that threatened to form. His once sweet, goofy baby so
powerless and scared that his mind and body had no choice but to tear apart from each other.
Little Jungkook, hiding in his room at his father’s house just waiting for Jonathon or Kevin to
come in and torture and threaten him into submission.

From what the police had told them awhile back, Kevin had cooperated and confessed to
everything he knew. The problem was that Jonathon spent so much time alone with Jungkook
or forcing him into other situations that even the younger stepbrother didn’t have the full
picture. He and Jin had already seen some of the video tapes and photos in the early stages of
the police investigation but some of the chunks Jungkook had described were things that only
Jungkook, Jonathon, and the other perpetrators knew until now.

It was nauseating in its atrocity and if only Namjoon had gone along with his intuition that
something had been off he could’ve saved Jungkook from some of the pain.

His mind was so preoccupied with what if’s that he must’ve taken a wrong turn because he
ended back at the courthouse entrance. The sky was so blue and from the sway of the trees he
could tell there was a gentle breeze blowing. Fresh air suddenly felt like a necessity and
Namjoon flocked to it like a moth to light, shoving his way outside before making a sharp left
to get away from the stream of people going in and out of the building. It was only then that a
couple feet away he saw the defense attorney, Attorney Brixton. The lawyer didn’t see him
yet and also seemed to have just arrived as he was busy fishing out a cigarette from its
packet. “Fucking Jesus Christ,” Brixton mumbled. Then he looked up and made eye contact
with Namjoon, eyebrows shooting up into the blue, blue sky. “Sorry,” the lawyer apologized
quickly.
“No, didn’t mean to sneak up on you.” (He had.)

“Cigarette?” Brixton offered, holding out the box towards him.

“No thanks, I don’t smoke.”

“Good on you,” the attorney said before tucking the pack away in his pocket and lighting his
cigarette with a cheap, drugstore-looking plastic lighter. Brixton was younger than him but
Namjoon thought something about the man seemed older. Maybe it was genetics but his
public defending job and smoking habit were likely to blame. He wondered why Brixton did
this, what satisfaction he got out of his work. As far as he knew there were much more
lucrative jobs in the law field out there – Namjoon himself had considered law school. Given
his traditional upbringing there were two preordained paths for him – becoming a lawyer
(okay) or doctor (better). Preferably a heart or brain surgeon. If Namjoon was capable of
laughing he might’ve chuckled at the memory of his college-aged self where his biggest
problems were parental approval and a C+ in Chemistry II.

Brixton didn’t say anything as he smoked so Namjoon didn’t either. He knew they weren’t
allowed discuss the case, that the lawyer wouldn’t tell him anything even if he asked.
Besides, he would see Jonathon and Kevin soon, next week at the actual trial. But Namjoon
wanted to know now: were they suffering? Were they being treated as terribly as they should?
Did they feel any remorse for their actions? Instead they stood in silence until Brixton
stamped out his cigarette. “Well, see you back in there.” The lawyer walked away and
Namjoon was still standing, his tears still refusing to fall, the sun still shining and the sky still
painfully blue. So much for his bathroom break. He too went back inside, through the metal
detector, down the hallway and into the room and back to his pathetic chair in the stupid
corner to continue having his heart ripped to shreds.

---

“They made me close my eyes but in the beginning they tied a cloth over them when they
brought me to that place so I didn’t know where it was.”

Jungkook had learned a while ago that the room he always referred to as The Basement in his
head wasn’t nearly as dramatic. It was a storage room in an empty, rented office space. It
made sense given the details he could pick out whether or not he could see – a parking
garage, long hallways, the multi-stalled bathroom. He’d gotten a glimpse of the dull, gray
carpet and white spackled walls a few times.

“Do you remember the first time Jonathon brought you there? Was Kevin present as well?”

“I think it was at end of June. Kevin wasn’t in the car with us but he met us at the building
Jonathon took me to.”

“Can you walk us through the best you can the first time you were brought there?”

Jungkook took a steadying breath. He could do this. He’d already told him and Jamie about it
in a practice session. “Um, so Jonathon had me close my eyes at some point on the
highway…when we were going east on it…and then after a bit..I don’t-I don’t know how
long…I could tell we had gone inside something because even with my eyes closed it got
darker. But then Jonathon tied the cloth or whatever around my face. I…I tried to stop him
kind of but he told me not to…not to do that.”

“You’re well-trained.”

He risked a look at Jamie who held the same tranquil expression she usually did in their
therapy sessions. It bolstered his confidence.

“So yeah. He tied the thingy around my eyes and then grabbed my arm and made me walk
through the building, I guess. We also went down the stairs. I heard Kevin’s voice then.”
Jungkook knew there were exactly sixteen steps to the basement level floor. “Then we got to
the room and he took the blindfold off. There was some stuff in the room like a chair in the
middle that he told me to sit on. There was a table and a b-bed and a..a…like a mat. The kind
like you see at the gym. And some box-chest thing in the corner. Oh and Kevin was there too.
I don’t know. Um. Yeah.”

He hated everything in that room but probably nothing more than the blue gymnastics mat
followed by the chair. To his surprise no one had bothered with the bed that much.

“What else do you remember from that day?” Mr. Hernandez prompted.

“Jonathon said he would be back and told me to stay in the chair. So it was just me and Kevin
and then Jonathon went back up the stairs. He wasn’t gone for long...he-he came back with
two guys. I told the police about them already. They, um, looked like Jonathon’s age I guess.
So…so then they came over to me. They-they..they told me not to c-cry. Then one of them…
he um. He kissed me.”

Tears started to breach his waterline. Jungkook still hadn’t remembered a lot of stuff from
that office storage room. For instance, he still didn’t know how he had come by the three
burn scars on his body. Mostly there was just fuzzy outlines of things before and after
Jonathon took him there. Jamie said he might never remember some things, especially since
they’d drugged him more than once.

“What did he do after he kissed you? What about the others in the room?”

“I think Kevin just stood off to the side and watched. Jonathon did too for a bit. I remember
he told them not to…not to l-leave a mark or anything. One of the guys – the other one, not
the one who..k-kissed me – told me to take my c-clothes off and go lay down on the mat on
the floor.”

A tear rolled down his cheek and fell onto the top of Honey’s head which he was cradling
against his torso in a futile attempt to stave off the budding panic attack.

“Do you know what happened after this?”

Jungkook shook his head which dislodged a few more tears. He stroked his bear’s ears with
his thumbs and he could feel Jin’s hand on his shoulder but none of it was helping. Jungkook
did remember but he could feel the vortex pulling him down, down, down and if he continued
he would get lost in his memories, unsure what was reality or memories or up or down.

“Two Mondays ago, on July 25th you told me and your therapist, who is in the room with us,
that the two men who haven’t been identified, along with Jonathon, sexually assaulted you
including penile penetration of your anus and mouth. Do you remember saying this?”

He hugged Honey tighter and screwed his eyes shut before nodding, his skin burning in
embarrassment. It was unnerving how silent everyone else was. A headache pulsed at his
temples.

“And is what you said then true?”

He nodded again.

The man dragged him along by his hair, the roots tugging in protest on his scalp. He was
unceremoniously thrown onto the gymnastics mat that took up the corner. Landing on his
hands and knees Jungkook instinctively began to try and crawl away but the man grabbed
him by one of his ankles and yanked him back. He fell onto his stomach he could feel a rug
burn forming on his chest from the harsh motion across the plasticky mat.

Jungkook gasped out panicked, incomprehensible syllables, trying to beg for his freedom. The
man wrapped calloused hands around his hips that left bruises the next day as he positioned
himself behind Jungkook, already naked and erect. He slammed into Jungkook with a snap.

Immediately Jungkook’s back arched and his pleading fractured turned into a pained wail. It
hurt so bad. It hurt so bad he thought it would kill him.

Over and over again the man went into him as Jungkook sobbed and tried to find a futile
purchase on the smooth mat. Eventually he gave up on that and tried to paw at the man’s
thighs to push him away but his arms were too short and scrabbled uselessly. Regardless, the
man tired of Jungkook’s escape attempts and used a single meaty hand to pin Jungkook’s
wrists behind his back wrenching them at an awkward angle as he continued to penetrate him
just like Kevin had done all those weeks ago.

“Are you okay to continue Jungkook?” the judge asked.

“I’m-I’m f-fine.” He just wanted to get this over with before he lost himself completely.

Those fake-parents of yours didn’t care about you. They only kept you for so long because
your father forgot about you for years and social services pay families to take in foster kids.

The questions went on and on. Mr. Hernandez didn’t ask for nearly as much detail as Jamie
would’ve in therapy, though the judge did ask a couple clarifying questions here and there.
The other lawyer, his stepbrothers’ lawyer whose name Jungkook already forgot kept silent
but it was obvious he was paying close attention to everything that was said.

“Did Jonathon, Kevin, or anyone else ever use narcotics – drugs?”

“S-sometimes...”
“Do you know which type of drugs?”

“You’re a worthless little slut.”

“Oh..uh…well there was a needle…and uh sometimes a powder-

“A needle or a syringe?” the lawyer interrupted.

“What? What’s the difference…I don’t know..” Jungkook mumbled, feeling like he’d failed a
pop-quiz.

“He’s so quiet, does he speak English?”

“Yeah, he’s just shy.”

“I bet I can get some sounds out of him.”

“And they put the powder in the syringe?”

“No..I don’t know what was in the syringe. Different times they would use a powder. They’d
inhale it. In their nose I mean. Oh and it’s not a drug but sometimes they would drink.”

“Alcohol is also a drug.”

“Oh…okay. But mostly they didn’t do drugs or anything. I think it was just a few times.”

Jungkook’s body went stock-still at the next question.

“Does this feel good, Kookie? I bet it does. Say it. Say it feels good.”

“Did they ever give you drugs?”

“Um..um…”

The judge held up his hand to the lawyer who paused. “You’re not in trouble Jungkook, we
just want to know for the case.” He nodded at Mr. Hernandez to continue. Jungkook tried to
get a grip. The faster he answered their questions the sooner he could leave. Suddenly he
missed his brothers. He wanted to go home and play video games with Taehyung. He wanted
to learn stupid Tik-Tok dances with Hobi and Jimin. He wanted Yoongi to play his favorite
songs on piano. He wanted-

“Did Jonathon or Kevin or anyone else ever give you drugs?”

“I-I m-mean they would give me something before sometimes to make me tired…it would
make it hurt less so I would t-take it.”

One time Jonathon had given him something else. The tablet had been blue with some sort of
design stamped on it.

It’s a different brand,” Jonathon had explained.

Jungkook had taken it without question. But it hadn’t been a different brand; it had been
something else entirely. Something that made him feel warm and floaty at first. They’d
touched him and it had actually felt good at first. A physical sensation without any of the
negative emotions that came with it. But then the pleasant warmth became too warm until he
was on fire. And then people began touching him and he felt every skin cell, every hair
follicle. It’d been too much. He’d been sweating and sweating, overstimulated but they
wouldn’t stop. Even when it began to hurt they kept going. He’d screamed so much he’d
blown out his vocal chords. He was bedridden for two days after that feverish and weepy, the
only time his father suspected something was wrong. He’d wanted to take Jungkook to the
hospital but somehow Jonathon had persuaded him not to.

And then the ‘crash’ as Jonathon had called it ebbed away and he was able to function again.
Jonathon gave him thirty dollars in lieu of apologizing. He had spent some of it on razor
blades and disinfectant. At the register his heartbeat thrummed in his chest when the cashier
raised an eyebrow at his purchase but ultimately did nothing.

“Jungkook, was there something else you were going to say?” the lawyer prompted.

“No.” Jungkook said too quickly.

“The investigation yielded suspicion of ecstasy. Do you know if you were ever given this?
Common effects of this include heightened sensitivity, increased mood and sweating. Does
this sound familiar?”

“You feel so good, baby.”

“No,” he protested again but his voice wobbled. “I don’t know. I don’t remember! J-Jamie
tell them,” he begged his therapist, twisting in his chair and squishing Honey against his
torso. “I don’t remember stuff.”

“Okay, Jungkook, I believe you,” Mr. Hernandez said. “And I’m sorry but Jamie isn’t
allowed to answer questions for you.”

He sniffled and pressed himself into Jin’s side to try and ease his shaking.

Eventually the judge called for a break. It made him angry – it wouldn’t feel like a break at
all since he had to stay in the room and the camera had to remain on. They’d explained that
they would cut and splice the footage later to cut out all the pauses but to make it a ‘fair’ trial
they had to have all the footage just in case. Either way, with or without breaks he was too
afraid to leave the chair. Jonathon told him he needed to stay in the chair.

“I love you Jungkook, don’t you love me?”

“Jungkook, are you sure you don’t need to use the restroom?”

“Can’t we start again, what’s taking so long? I want to go home,” Jungkook pleaded.

“Stop crying, we’re trying to help you,” Jonathon ordered. Jungkook started to cry harder.
He wished he was dead. He didn’t know when he started to, but now when he was driven to
this place he wished that the men and Kevin and Jonathon would take it too far and just kill
him. It didn’t even matter if it would be painful. Then he wouldn’t have to do it himself and it
would be over.

He thrashed against Jonathon’s grip as Kevin sanitized his wound.

“You have to clean it every day to make sure it doesn’t get infected,” Jonathon said calmly.
“I’ll give you some disinfectant once we’re home. Don’t let anyone see.”

“I h-hate you!” Jungkook shouted but his voice was hoarse and weak.

“No you don’t, you’re just tired,” his stepbrother replied. Just tired? Jonathon seemed
normal on the outside but Jungkook wondered what the inside of his mind was like. He was
fucking crazy and he made Jungkook feel fucking crazy. He was so fucking crazy.

Sweat that had accumulated on his hairline started dripping down his forehead.

“Please,” he croaked, “Can’t you turn the camera off?”

“Jungkook, sweetheart, it’s the rule that-

“Please turn it off!” he shrieked. “I hate it! Turn it off!”

Even though Jonathon would get mad at him, he got off the chair to sink down onto the floor
where he cradled his head in his hands.

“Jungkook-

“I hate it! So just stop it! Stop recording me!” he continued yell, rocking back and forth on
his haunches. He didn’t know where he was.

There was the pressure of an anvil on his lungs, pressing down, down, down until they were
flattened like deflated balloons with no room for air to get in or out. Humiliation upon
humiliation piled up and if he didn’t die from oxygen deprivation first, his mind would surely
collapse into a pile of rubble from the weight of it all.

Right before he thought he was going to pass out the haziness began to fade and Jin was
peering into his face, unnervingly close. Shrinking away from Jin who was babbling words
Jungkook still couldn’t quite understand, he realized there was a towel wrapped around his
lower half.

“…to the bathroom,” Jin was saying as Jungkook finally tuned in.

That was when he became aware of the stinging sensation and acrid scent wafting up from
his trousers.

---

Jin smelled it before he noticed the dark stain bleeding through Jungkook’s pants.
“Oh, Jungkook, Kookie sweetie. We can get you cleaned up,” Jin spurred into action. He’d
prepared for this scenario and the bag he’d brought was packed with a complete change of
clothes, even shoes along with a towel.

Jungkook had heaved himself out of his chair to crouch on the floor in front of the chair, fists
clenched and trembling and face blanching in mortification as the dampness spread, dripping
down his pantlegs to bleed into his socks. His mouth was pressed close and he was breathing
raggedly through flared nostrils and his eyes were shiny with tears.

“Shh, it’s okay, it’s nothing to worry about.”

Jungkook’s non-response told him he was still in the middle of a flashback. God, this was so
fucking terrifying to watch. Namjoon handed him the towel from their bag which he
awkwardly tried to wrap around Jungkook in his position on the floor while trying to angle
his body so he would be blocking the camera, which thankfully the judge didn’t reprimand
for.

“The camera can’t see you right now Kookie, it’s okay. I have extra clothes with me. Let’s go
to the bathroom.”

Jungkook finally looked at him, glassy eyes clearing. Then his eyes widened in realization
and the bottom of his trembled before he burst into tears.

“Kookie, honey, let’s get you up.” Jin had to manhandle Jungkook into a standing position,
the towel pooling around his ankles at the maneuver. Namjoon hovered close by but didn’t
grab it, not wanting to crowd Jungkook in case it sent him into another flashback.

Together he and Jungkook shuffled forward.

“I’m taking him to the restroom!” Jin announced again to no one in particular.

Jin tried to blink back his own tears back as he half-dragged, half-carried a near-catatonic
Jungkook down the hall, Namjoon and Jamie on their heels.

---

When Jungkook worked up the courage to open his eyes, someone was lowering him onto a
toilet seat. He felt disoriented but was aware enough to tell it was a stall in some sort of
public, generic restroom. Goosebumps erupted all over his skin and he felt clammy and ill.
He was back here again, out of it, unable to remember who had done what to him.

Jonathon’s hand reached out to him and Jungkook weakly shoved it away.

“G-get away from me!” he rasped. He couldn’t do all this again. He wanted Jin and Joon so
badly he thought it might kill him. That’s it. He would run away. He’d run all the way to Jin
and Joon’s house and tell them what was going on and beg for them to let him stay there
forever.

“I’m your family now,” Jonathon reminded him.

“Hey, Kookie, it’s just us. We’re not going to hurt you,” Namjoon said.

“Jungkook, let’s take a second to breathe,” Jamie said.

“I told you not to tell anyone,” Jonathon threatened.

“I’m sorry! They made me do it!”

“We should teach him a lesson,” said a strange man who’s face he couldn’t recall.

He again lashed out the at the hand that was reaching towards him.

“Kookie, it’s us, Jin and Joon.”

“D-dad?”

“Do you remember where you are?”

He sucked in a deep breath even though his chest was aching. “Th-the courthouse?”

“That’s right.”

And then as it all came rushing back for a second time he squeaked and pressed his thighs
together in embarrassment.

“Let’s get you out of those clothes, okay? Do you need any help?”

“N-no!”

“Alright,” Jin lifted his hands in surrender. “I’m going to stay out here by the sinks and
everyone else will wait in the hall, how does that sound?”

“Fine.”

Once Namjoon and Jamie had vacated the restroom and the pressure on his chest became a
little bit lighter, Jin offered him the black duffel bag they’d brought with them. “You can put
your clothes in this plastic bag,” his dad indicated.

“Okay, just go!” Jungkook all but shoved him out of the stall and locked it. His cheeks and
eyes burned as he regarded the change of pants that were near identical to the ones he was
currently wearing – dark cotton slacks. There was even a pair of socks and a new packet of
wet wipes. They’d predicted this scenario. He should be grateful they were prepared because
who knows what the alternative would be if he didn't have a change of clothes but the fact
that they expected this from him made his self-hatred white-hot. God he was so fucking
stupid, freaking out in front of everybody and pissing himself like a toddler. He ripped his
pants off, the material starting to chafe against his skin. Wiping himself off and redressing, he
emerged shameful and still teary-eyed.

Jin insisted on taking the bag from him while he washed his hands.
“Wh-where’s Honey?” Jungkook suddenly remembered.

“Oh your bear? Namjoon has him, I think. How about you have a chat with Jamie first and
then-

“Why? What’s the point? I just want to get this over with!”

“Jungkook. You are going to have a break and talk with Jamie,” Jin said in his no-nonsense
voice and Jungkook wilted underneath the stern tone.

“God, whatever.”

When they emerged from the bathroom the judge was there too, talking with Jamie and Joon.
His eyebrows shot up but he smiled as he noticed Jungkook. “Ah, Jungkook. How are you
feeling?”

“I’m feeling fine.” Jungkook decided to stare at Honey who's arm was held weakly in
between Namjoon’s thumb and forefinger but he knew the adults were sharing skeptical
glances his over his head.

“Well, that’s good. But how about you have a break with your therapist back in the room and
we can start again whenever you’re ready. Take your time.”

Like him, the judge and the lawyers probably wanted to resume as quickly as possible. As
long as he went along with their plans he could keep telling his testimony and then he could
go home and hide in bed and think of a plan of how to avoid everyone involved in this
situation until the end of time. So he obediently followed Jamie back to the room, pretending
not to notice his chair had been wiped down with some sort of cleaning agent. He did her
stupid exercises and answered her stupid questions. He didn’t drink any more of the stupid
juice which he decided was to blame for all of it. Or maybe it was Jamie who was the first
one to tell him she thought he was capable of doing this in the first place.

When she deemed him stable enough everyone filed back in. No one commented on his
change of clothes and they resumed the deposition like nothing had happened.

---

Mr. Hernandez procured a sheet of paper and handed it to him so gently, as if it were a blade
or some other dangerous object. Jungkook accepted it with equally careful fingers, unsure if
the lawyer was just being cautious around him because of his earlier outburst or because it
was some special piece of evidence. When he registered the words on the page Jungkook
quickly crumpled it to his chest, causing Honey to topple off his lap onto the floor. Jin was
craning his neck in an attempt to read it too.

“These are internet searches found on your laptop and phone by the police investigation,” Mr.
Hernandez explained in a way that sounded rehearsed but he hadn’t mentioned anything like
this in the few practice sessions he’d done at Jamie’s office. “Did you search these at the
dates shown on the left side?”
Jungkook nodded, heart in his throat. He couldn’t believe they’d printed off his browsing
history but what else would the police have been doing when they confiscated his laptop and
phone? His hands started to tremble again.

It was ironic he was getting so upset about it because it was the only way he had kind of, sort
of tried to reach out. He never went on incognito mode and never deleted his searches. Early-
on he had even brought his laptop with him when he went to visit Jin and Joon’s house for a
Saturday near the end of March. This had been only a couple weeks after Jonathon’s
advances began. He remembered sitting in Joon’s armchair in the corner of the living room. It
was angled in such a way that it faced the rest of the living room, instead of the TV, so no one
would’ve been able to see what he’d been typing. But he still had hoped by some miracle one
of the house’s occupants would notice. And now there it was, near the top of the page

Saturday, 20 March 2021, 14:20PM What should you do if your stepbrother starts kissing
you

Unfortunately the resulting links would only have lead him to weird fetish posts on sketchy
forum sites, or even worse, fullblown pornography. He’d quickly closed the browser and his
eyes had darted over the room’s occupants but no one was paying him any attention – Yoongi
and Jimin were on their own laptops typing up assignments with Binky snoozing at their
ankles, Namjoon was trimming some dead leaves from the dragon tree next to the bookshelf,
and Jin was over in the kitchen slicing vegetables with a rhythmic chop, chop, chop.

“Do you mind if I read a couple of the searches?” Mr. Hernandez asked, who had his own
copy.

“Um…o-okay.” At least he wasn’t asking him to read them out loud.

Thursday, 11 March 2021, 01:12AM how to know if family member is attracted to you help

Jungkook winced.

“This was soon after the abuse began, correct?”

“Uh-huh,” he agreed shakily.

“And was it in reference to Jonathon and Kevin?”

“Y-yes.”

“Can you place it exactly where based on the things you told us earlier?”

“It was…when Jonathon came to my room for the first time. And told me he liked me.”

Thankfully the lawyer only read a couple of the mild searches, near the top but he did have to
explain that he had been at Jin and Joon’s house on the day of the 20th and that he’d been
hoping someone would see it, making Jin go rigid next to him.

“Okay, thank you. Are there any searches on the paper that you didn’t make or that aren’t
related in some way to the abuse you experienced by Jonathon or Kevin?” Jungkook hunched
over and scanned the document, trying to block Jin’s view.

It hadn’t taken him long at all to give up and become all the names Jonathon and the others
would eventually call him, he realized. Slut. Whore. Other slurs and names that made him too
ashamed to even think of. He felt dizzy as he read the page, certain searches glaring out at
him as if they’d been highlighted. His own craziness formatted neatly, chronologically. Why
had he and Jamie even needed to craft this narrative – they could’ve just asked the police for
this.

Wednesday, 14 April 2021, 11:35PM how to give handjob

Wednesday, 14 April 2021, 11:47PM how to give blowjob

Sunday, 16 May 2021, 03:02AM how to make sex hurt less

Sunday, 16 May 2021, 03:39AM how to relax during sex

Tuesday, 01 June 2021, 00:34AM do you have to change razor every time you cut

Wednesday, 02 June 2021, 2:00AM how to disinfect cut

Wednesday, 02 June 2021, 2:10AM how do you know when a cut will scar

Wednesday, 19 July 2021, 8:04PM bleeding when i go to bathroom help

Thursday, 22 August 2021, 17:03PM how many sleeping pills does it take to not wake up

Someone was prying the paper from his grasp – Mr. Hernandez he realized.

“Kook, Kookie, can you hear me? Are you okay to continue or do you need another break?”
Jin was saying into his ear and his hot breath fanned over his cheek.

Blinking out of his stupor he gladly traded the paper to hold Honey again with nervous,
uncoordinated hands and leaned as far away from Jin as he could get. “I’m s-sorry.” If only
his fingers had moved to text Jin and Joon or Audrey or even his brothers or his father. They
would’ve helped. They would’ve.

Jin’s arm wrapped around him and smushed him into his side. “Honey, no one’s upset with
you. I’m not upset with you. Joonie’s not upset with you.”

“Then w-why are you c-crying?”

Maybe crying was too strong of a word but Jin’s eyes were red rimmed and there was a
crease in his forehead.

“I’m just sad you had to go through all this. I’m sorry, I know you don’t like it when I cry.”

He was envious of how steady Jin could keep his voice when he was upset, meanwhile
Jungkook’s chattered and stuttered and started and stopped like the lawnmower when it used
to get jammed up with one of their action figures. And Namjoon would always be frustrated
with them, 'I told you boys to not leave your toys on the lawn!' Jimin would always be the
most upset at getting in trouble and his brother would then scold him and Taehyung a second
time. Meanwhile, he and Tae were more upset that another superhero or soldier or plastic
Pokémon figurine had met it’s messy end. Jungkook let himself drift off into the memories of
toys and treehouses and make-believe.

---

Eventually it was the other lawyer’s turn. Mr. Brixton. He didn’t ask as many questions as
Mr. Hernandez had. He did ask about Jungkook’s self-harm and whether or not it was related
to Jonathon and Kevin. That question didn’t have as straightforward as an answer as the
others. It was his own choice to start cutting and Jonathon and Kevin didn’t even like it. Part
of him wondered if he would’ve started to do it even if they hadn’t abused him. It was his
own little secret that self-harm had crossed his mind once or twice when he had found that
yet again Jin and Joon couldn’t adopt him and that social services wanted to reunite him with
his father. Jungkook ended up giving a lame semi-coherent answer that luckily the lawyer
accepted – “Y-yes. It was..it was because of them, I guess. Because I felt…I didn’t…yeah.”

A few more questions later and it was over. There was some closing statement by the judge
and he was told he could go home but not before a cringey statement of how brave he’d been.
Everyone gave him and his dads space as they gathered their things and they were left to
make their own way back outside along with Jamie and Mr. Hernandez.

The lawyer and his dads chatted off to the side for a few minutes while Jungkook was busy
being disoriented by how dazzlingly blue the sky was – there hadn’t been a window in the
room they’d been using and Jungkook assumed it would be dark by now.

“What-what time is it?”

“It’s 3:30,” Jamie said, glancing at her watch.

That was it? They hadn’t even been gone six hours and when you accounted for all the breaks
and pauses. It felt as though eternities had passed.

“Oh.” He shrunk a little under the pitiful gazes of his dads as they finished up their talk.

“Alright Kook, let’s head home,” Namjoon said. Jungkook kept his head down and tried to
scurry ahead of them to the car, not even bothering to say goodbye to Jamie, but he was so
exhausted that he nearly tripped over his own feet.

“Woah there, Kookie,” Namjoon cautioned, catching up to him in a few easy strides and
steadying him with a hand on his elbow. “Let’s slow down there.”

He’d talked so much his throat felt like sandpaper but he so desperately craved the comfort of
his bed and solitude that he gritted out as he side-eyed Jamie who still lingered nearby,
“Please. I want to go home.”

“I know, Kookie, I know. Just be careful, let’s go,” Joon agreed.

“I’ll see you tomorrow Jungkook but you can call me anytime,” Jamie called out but
Jungkook ignored her. Joon kept a hand on his back the whole way to the car.

---

As soon as they got home, Jungkook announced he was going to bed, stumbling up the stairs
without taking his shoes off.

He felt clumsy and uncoordinated as he dressed in his pajamas. It didn’t take long for his
dads to follow him, knocking on his door right as he was about to crawl under his blankets.
Jungkook was tempted to tell them to fuck off but despite how mortified he was at them
witnessing today, the truth was that he was lonely and craved someone. So lonely that the
ever-present void in his chest physically ached. This wasn’t a new feeling and he hated how
desperately he would throw himself at Jonathon after some session in the storage room, one
of the few times his stepbrother would be gentle to him. His dads entered his room, Jin
holding a glass of milk and Joon teetering behind him. Their expressions were heavy and
worried. Jungkook flet himself shrink. He was the one who was always making them so
stressed out. They looked so old.

“Here,” Jin said, offering the milk.

His stomach clenched.

“I know you might not be feeling hungry right now Kookie but you haven’t eaten all day.
You really need to have something,” Jin urged.

When he still made no move to accept the milk, Jin continued. “Do you want something else?
There’s still spaghetti in the fridge. Or I can make something! How about a grilled cheese? I
can also order something, anything. What do you want to eat?”

Then Jungkook took the glass and a second later launched it across the room as hard as he
could, the liquid contents arching into the air, narrowly avoiding soaking him and Jin while
the glass clattered against his dresser. It was plastic so there was no dramatic shattering of the
cup which made him even more upset.

“I hate you!” Jungkook roared. He was so fucking exhausted but this rage and fear came from
some deep, untapped source. Like there was a well inside of him that never completely dried
up, where you had to go way down deep to get any water. They’d heard every ugly thing
about him and it was impossible to believe that they’d still want him around. It was probably
misplaced sympathy – pity -that was making them linger. Or an obligation because they were
the adults and he was a kid. He hadn’t truly felt like a kid in a long time but he did a little bit
now, throwing a tantrum to get attention when he could’ve just drunken the fucking milk.

They didn’t even get angry at his anger. Instead Jin jolted forward as if to shield him from
stray droplets of milk. There was a beat of silence.

“Can I hold you Kookie? Would that be okay?”

 Jungkook threw himself at Jin but not for an embrace. He pounded on Jin’s chest, pummeling
it like he had done to Namjoon once. Just like then, he was small and weak and skinny and he
knew his blows weren’t doing any damage. His energy was dissipating – there wasn’t much
to begin with. He sagged while Jin’s arms held him steady.

“I hate you!” he tried again but his voice broke on the last syllable.

Namjoon came to sit on his other side and both of them wrapped their arms around him,
sandwiching him with warmth. Sometimes he hated their touch and at times it even had
potential to send him into a flashback. But right now? It almost felt safe. Like when he was a
a little-little kid and would crawl into their bed between them after a nightmare if Taehyung
and Jimin didn’t let him into their room.

“My Kookie,” Jin crooned into his hair. “My poor baby, my angel.”

Jonathon had called him baby. Jonathon had called him Kookie. He wanted Jin to shut up. He
wanted him to never stop talking.

A sob tore out of his already sore and tired throat, his anger all but gone. He admitted to
terrible, horrible things and then he yelled at them and here they were, still showing him
kindness. Another part of him was aware that he didn’t deserve it but that piece was small
and all he wanted was to be held like this forever.

As it sometimes did, his crying felt cathartic. More cathartic than any and all of his therapy.
All the while his dads continued to hold and comfort him. But maybe he needed all that
therapy to get to this point but it doesn’t really matter. His dads loved him and he needed it
so, so much.

Chapter End Notes

We are very close to the end! But then the sequel!

 Chapter 36
Chapter Notes

A short chapter now, my apologies! Thank you for all your kind and enthusiastic
comments on the previous chapter, it was really motivating for me and I love to go back
and read through them!

Jin decided to treat Jungkook like he was physically sick for a few days. If Jungkook wanted
to stay in bed all day, he would let him. Besides making him brush his teeth, take his
medicine, put on fresh clothes and eat his meals, Jin let him stay in his protective ball in the
corner of his mattress.

He even let him off the hook from therapy for a couple sessions. It went against what Jamie
or Dr. Yung advised but Jin knew it was the right thing to do - Jungkook was at his limit and
he was not going to push him any further. He deserved to be babied for the time being and
frankly Jin needed it too. To hide themselves from the outside world and coddle Jungkook to
feel like he could protect him from everyone and everything even if it was only an illusion.

Most alarmingly, Jungkook didn’t say a word for two whole days after the video deposition.
Jin, or Namjoon at dinnertime, would dutifully bring him meals, then sit by his bedside and
read aloud from a fantasy novel borrowed from Taehyung. If Jin had to tend to one of the
other kids or some household duty, he at least made sure Jemma had made her home in his
blankets so he wouldn’t be alone. He knew Yoongi and Hoseok tried to check in on him a few
times too but they couldn’t get through Jungkook’s walls either.

On the third day he caught Jimin in Jungkook’s room. He’d managed to coax Jungkook to sit
upright where he was showing him some game on his new Nintendo Switch, which Jungkook
tracked with tired eyes. As a way of apologizing for not being able to give them as much
attention, Namjoon had bought all the kids something they’d been asking for which they
would normally be forced to wait for birthdays or Christmas. It wasn’t their proudest
parenting move but if anything was going right lately it was that tensions between all their
kids had eased, understanding that Jungkook’s state and the legal proceedings was something
bigger than all of them. Even Yoongi and Taehyung had stopped icing each other out.

“Did you want to try, Kookie?” Jimin asked.

“’m okay,” Jungkook mumbled.

Jin startled at the first sound Jungkook had made in over forty-eight hours but quickly
masked it. “Do you want to come downstairs for lunch, Kook?” Jin interrupted, “I’m making
tomato soup and grilled cheese.”
“…no.”

Well, at least he was talking.

“Okay, I’ll bring it up to you. Do you want tuna on your sandwich?”

At this Jungkook gave a non-committal shrug, his eyes still following whatever was
displayed on the gaming console. “I want it on mine!” Jimin chimed. Jin decided to put tuna
on both their grilled cheese. Teenagers could use the extra protein.

On the fourth day, Jin found Taehyung in Jungkook’s room. After Jin had his morning coffee
at 6am – even though Namjoon was still in a deep slumber - he crept upstairs to check on
Jungkook for his own peace of mind. The bedroom door was already ajar and when he
peeked in Taehyung was sprawled across the mattress on his back, gangly, growing limbs
going every which way. Jungkook was curled up next to him, hugging a plushie and his
forehead barely brushing up against Taehyung’s shoulder. Both were snoring softly so Jin
quietly closed the door and went back downstairs, the aching tenderness in his chest
threatening tears as bittersweet as his coffee.

Later that same day Jungkook managed to creep downstairs to the couch while Namjoon,
Yoongi, and Hoseok were at work and Taehyung and Jimin had gone swimming with friends
from school. Jungkook huddled up against Jin, drifting in and out of sleep, as a Disney movie
played on the TV. It hurt to see how submissive Jungkook’s posture always was, the constant
curl of his spine and tenseness of his muscles. Jin made a mental note to try and coax
Jungkook into doing some back-centric yoga routines later.

On the fifth day Jin made Jungkook talk to Jamie but via phonecall rather than pushing him
out of the house. Afterwards Jamie told him he didn't say much but that he also didn't seem in
danger of hurting himself. There were only five more days until the actual trial and as much
as Jin hoped to attend it, if Jungkook continued to be in such a state, despite improving every
day, he knew he or Namjoon would have to remain home.

Jin continued to cater to Jungkooks every whim, or lack thereof, the rest of the week. In
addition to his nutritional requirements, he added in more sweets than usual. Breakfast came
with a cup of chocolate milk. Lunch was followed by a homemade chocolate chip cookie.

Jungkook started coming downstairs more often and, along with Jimin and Taehyung, they
tore through Jungkook’s favorite animes as they picked at popcorn with too much salt and
butter.

On the seventh day Jungkook made it outside to the porch swing. His head was cradled in
Jin’s lap and Jin carded his fingers through his hair as he rocked them gently to and fro.
Jungkook finally cried a little then. He didn't make a sound but some tears leaked, thick and
lethargic, from his eyes and bled into Jin’s cargo shorts.

The next day was Monday, only two more days to the trial, and was usually Jungkook’s first
therapy appointment of the week. Jungkook had gotten up a little earlier than he had been; Jin
was pleasantly surprised to see him sitting expectantly at the kitchen table for breakfast as if
Jin was his personal chef, even though he was old enough to make it himself.
"Hey Kook, did you want to go to Jamie's office today? Or do a call?" Jin asked as he popped
a blueberry bagel into the toaster and rummaged in the fridge for the almost-empty carton of
chocolate milk.

"We can go to her office," Jungkook mumbled.

There was a strange tightening in Jin’s throat – it was like he was the one who wasn't ready.
Getting in the car and driving to the clinic would crack open their little sanctuary, there were
too many ways Jungkook could get hurt out there.

"Sure," Jin said instead, feigning nonchalance. "We can leave soon."

Jungkook didn’t allow him to join his session and scrunched up wordlessly on the waiting
chair after he was done, his knees to his chest and eyes downcast. During Jin’s turn, Jamie
didn’t divulge anything Jungkook had said and asked him his own worries since he would see
the stepbrothers in only a few days’ time.

“I don’t know,” Jin replied honestly. “It’s like I’m numb. I want to see justice served, of
course, but the only thing I care about is Jungkook right now. Jonathon and Kevin don’t
matter to me at all.” It was true, Jonathon and Kevin Williams were less than nothing to him
and there was basically no way they weren’t getting multiple life sentences at this point. Still,
it was their only chance to formally participate in the hearing and appeal to the jury and
maybe even the stepbrothers via the impact statement he and Namjoon had crafted together.

On the ninth day, the final day before the trial, Jin returned from a grocery run to find the
house almost empty.

"Where's Jungkook?" He asked his husband who was on the couch busy with paperwork he’d
taken back from the physical therapy center in exchange for getting to leave an hour earlier.

"He went to the skate park with Hobi and Tae. Oh, they took Binky too," Namjoon shrugged,
clicking his pen a few times.

"And you let him go?!"

Namjoon looked up from a patient’s form he was filling out, confused. "I didn't realize I was
supposed to keep him prisoner here."

"He's not a prisoner...he's just fragile," Jin explained, thinking how absurd it was that
Namjoon didn't understand his alarm at the situation. "He needs one of us around just in case
something happens."

"He's fine. Tae and Hobi can handle him. He wanted to go. It’s good for him to spend more
time with his brothers. The park is only a few minutes’ drive away,” Namjoon said evenly. In
a quieter voice he added, “I don’t really think he has the energy to act up these days
anyways.”

“I’m going to check on them,” Jin declared.

“What? No. They left only twenty minutes ago and Hobi is responsible enough to look after
him and call us if something is wrong.”

Jin had already spun on his heel, prepared to bolt out the door but paused at Namjoon’s
words, torn. Wasn’t this what he wanted for Jungkook? Both as a growing teenager and with
his diagnoses he was supposed to encourage Jungkook’s relationships with other people.
Although, frankly, Jin thought that was Jamie’s positive way of wording ‘discouraging his co-
dependence on you’.

“How about we watch that show, Abbott Elementary, that you’ve been talking about? It’s not
often we get time for us so early in the day,” Namjoon said, patting the cushion beside him.

It was the most obvious distraction tactic in the world and Jin reluctantly let himself be pulled
onto the couch even though he knew he wasn’t going to comprehend a minute of the show.

Three episodes later and the front door finally swung open. Several sets of footsteps trooped
into the entry way.

“How was it?” Jin asked immediately, nearly leaping up from his seat and scanning the kids
for any signs of distress as they pulled off their shoes.

“We made Binky a flower crown!” Jungkook said, looking up at him with a toothy grin. The
expression was so rare these months that it almost made Jungkook unrecognizable. Jin’s own
gaze dropped to the floor where Binky was panting happily with a ring of dandelions tucked
into the fur on his head.

“Hobi knows how to make them!” Jungkook continued.

“His girlfriend taught them how to make it,” Taehyung said, pretending to gag at the end of
his sentence.

“That’s sweet,” Namjoon said from across the living room, barely looking up from the
paperwork he’d turned back to as soon as Jin had paused the TV. “She seems like a nice girl,
you should bring her over for dinner sometime.”

Jin watched the conversation in silence.

“Oh my god, shut up!” Hoseok piped up, face flushed red.

Taehyung rolled his eyes. “What girl would want to come here and be around a million
guys?”

“Well maybe Jimin can invite some of his dance team friends and then she’d feel more
comfortable,” Namjoon said.

“What, we’re gonna have a dinner with like half the population? She doesn’t even go to our
school, why would she want to meet anyone on the dance team?” Taehyung scoffed.

“It was just a suggestion,” Namjoon sighed.

“Well if someone’s out of the house, it won’t be too many people and then she can sit at their
place at the table,” Jungkook added.

“I’m not going out of the house just so Hobi can bring his girlfriend over!” Taehyung
retorted.

“I meant like if Yoongi is at work or something!” Jungkook argued back.

“God! I’m not bringing her over at all! Just leave it alone!” Hoseok snapped.

Jungkook pouted, wilting at the harsh tone.

“Hobi, calm down, they’re just teasing,” Jin said, desperate to keep Jungkook’s good mood.

“Whatever,” Hobi huffed before turning to Taehyung. “And if you think flowers are so
stupid, why don’t you tell dad about the boring laps you did around the skate park the entire
time because you’re too scared to go on any of the ramps!”

For Taehyung’s ‘sorry we’re ignoring you’ gift they’d gotten him a longboard he’d been
begging for because ‘all his friends had them’.

Taehyung’s eyes were quick to narrow at Hoseok’s words.

“Can’t we have a little bit of peace! It sounded like you guys had a good time while you were
there and let’s leave it at that,” Namjoon asked, exasperated.

“I think you looked cool Tae,” Jungkook piped up. Jin was relieved to see he wasn’t as hurt
by his brothers’ tempers as he feared. “I want to try it too. Maybe I should also get one…” he
said with a shy but pointed side-eye at Namjoon.

Taehyung huffed but Jin noticed he puffed up at the praise while Hoseok made a dramatic
show of rolling his eyes. Namjoon sighed, “You kids are going to suck me dry,” but then
added, “Why don’t you try Tae’s board some time and if you like it enough I’ll consider it.”
Jin thought Jungkook was at least ten pounds too thin before he was ready to do anything
more than gentle yoga.

Before Taehyung and Hoseok could engage in anymore sharp words, Jin spoke up, “I’m glad
you had fun. Hoseok can you go take the recycling bins back in from the curb? And Tae,
please unload the dishwasher.”

“Oh my God, why didn’t you tell me to do that before I took my shoes off?” Hoseok whined.

Both boys stormed off in opposite directions, now angry at him rather than each other. He
caught Namjoon’s eye who raised his eyebrows at him in sympathy. In the world of parenting
teenagers, this was a victory.

“What should I do?” Jungkook asked.

Jin had meant it when he said he was glad they had fun but part of him wished Jungkook
could have fun with him too. He only ever got the sad, angry, anxious or disassociated
Jungkook.

“Well, I thought we could make some cookies. You can help me roll out the dough. Do you
want to go fetch Jiminie too?”

“Uh-huh,” Jungkook agreed before his mouth stretched into a gaping yawn.

“I can help too!” Tae called from the kitchen where he was creating a din as he made one of
his precarious dish towers in the cupboard no matter how many times Jin told him to put
them away properly.

“Thank you Tae,” Jin said before turning his attention back to Jungkook who looked a little
peaky. It was the most activity he’d done in a while. How did Namjoon think he’d be fit for
skateboarding if he could barely handle an hour at the park weaving flowers into Binky’s fur?
“You’ve had a long day, haven’t you? Do you want to go lie down for a little bit and we can
make them in an hour?”

Jungkook nodded and stifled another yawn before swanning off, Jemma jumping off the back
of the armchair and wandering after him.

“See? I told you they’d be fine,” Namjoon said as he finished up the last of his patient forms.

“Could’ve done without the drama just now. But I’m glad he seems to be doing better.”

“Boys will be boys.” Namjoon paused and dropped his voice so Taehyung wouldn’t hear. “I
asked Jungkook earlier if he’d be okay with both of us going to the trial tomorrow and he
said he didn’t care either way. I think we should go. It could be good for us…to get some
closure, you know?”

Namjoon didn’t share Jin’s newfound apathy towards Jonathon and Kevin but he knew
Namjoon needed his support at the trial.

“I guess…” Jin agreed reluctantly.

“We can have a chat with Yoongi and Hoseok tonight about it so they can watch him and give
him his medicine if he needs it while we’re gone. And Jungkook can always call Jamie too.”

“Fine.”

Namjoon exhaled in relief. Jin wished he shared Namjoon’s sentiment that a chapter was
closing once the stepbrothers’ sentences were doled out. Instead he was consumed with
anxiety about Jungkook’s future. It would be good that after tomorrow the fact that Jonathon
and Kevin could never hurt anyone ever again would be assured. But because of them the
world had become an exponentially darker place with its endless list of horrors that could
hurt children. Even before this whole situation, his childrens’ varying circumstances and the
weight of parental responsibility had pressed this fear upon him but he could no longer put it
out of his head or assume that such things only ever happened to other people. But he would
still continue to show up and fight for them but it was hard to trust his judgement sometimes.
Did fighting look like going to the trial and reading the impact statement to the stepbrothers
and jury? Or did it look like staying home with Jungkook to make sure he was okay?
Jungkook and his brothers were on better terms but did thrusting the risk of a breakdown
upon them threaten their relationship or would it teach them compassion and empathy? Even
if Jungkook had a few good moments these past days, Jin couldn’t trust Jungkook to hold it
together.

“Hey,” Namjoon said. Jin startled and looked up, he’d assumed Namjoon had gone back to
his paperwork.

“You can trust me,” his husband said. “You’re not doing any of this alone.”

How did he do that? Manage to read his mind? Jin felt guilty, he’d questioned and criticized
Namjoon’s decisions a lot lately even though they rarely proved to be false. He wanted to be
a better husband. Maybe he couldn’t trust Jungkook or his own judgement. But he could put
his faith in Namjoon’s.
 Chapter 37

Today was the last day of the hearings; reserved for optional victim impact statements by
those affected, the attorneys’ closing statements and sentencing – the only part he, Jin and
parents of the other victims were allowed to attend due to it being a closed court. The main
parts of the trial, during which Jungkook’s video deposition was presented, had likely been a
couple days prior. There was so much evidence and charges to go over that the hearing
couldn’t possibly have been done in a single day. Years’ worth of crimes even before
Jungkook’s reunification with his bio-father.

Kevin Williams had received a judgement of three consecutive life sentences only an hour
ago. One for each child he and his brother had personally abused, or sometimes in Kevin’s
case, helped orchestrate the abuse.

It felt like nothing more than pity to be extended an invitation only to this final day to give
their voluntary impact statements, leaving Namjoon bitter with resentment. The same kind he
had felt when sidelined during the recording of Jungkook’s account. On the flip side,
Namjoon wasn’t sure if he would’ve been able to handle the case in its entirety. The thought
of having to rewatch Jungkook’s deposition, even if they had edited and spliced it together so
his meltdowns were cut out, quickened his pulse and made his stomach churn in nausea.

The fact that Kevin would have no chance to ever be near a child again didn’t bring Namjoon
the sense of relief he’d hoped it would. It was the expected outcome. And now they were
waiting to go through the same process with Jonathon. Even then, the law was complex and
this was merely one of several hearings and sentencings for the stepbrothers. This particular
case was to mete out punishment for the abuse of the child victims. Last he’d heard from the
department of Homeland Security was that there would be another trial addressing the
stepbrothers’ drug charges. Based on current laws their distribution of narcotics meant they
were looking at additional sentences ranging anywhere from 20 years to life. There would be
yet another future trial and sentencing for their involvement in the dark web. More life
sentences very likely. None of the future cases they would have to participate in, if their
presenting of an optional impact statement today could even be called participating.

It was chilling to think how wide-scale the entire web of the stepbrothers’ crimes stretched.
For Namjoon it felt like Jungkook was the center of it all but, based on the larger picture, he
was only a part. Yet not necessarily a small one. Jungkook hadn’t been the first child to be
abused by the brothers but given his close proximity it did seem to be what prompted them to
take the abuse to a new level.

Namjoon rubbed his temples to try and stave off a budding stress-headache as he and Jin sat
side-by-side on a bench in the hallway, waiting for Jonathon’s hearing to start.

From the corner of his eye, Namjoon saw a man in a navy suit with a close-cropped beard
and square glasses wheedling up to them. Namjoon had noticed the man in the pews, a few
rows ahead of them, during Kevin’s trial. There was a notepad in the man’s left hand along
with a sleek-looking pen in his right. Namjoon eyed the objects warily.
“Hello,” the man said politely. “I’m an investigative journalist, I’ve been reaching out to a lot
of people involved – investigators, including international police involved in shutting down
abuse sites on the dark web, the perpetrators, the families of the victims-

“We’re not interested,” Namjoon snapped.

The man backed down immediately. “Okay sorry to bother you…if you ever want to reach
out to me I have a card here-

“We don’t want your fucking card! Leave my family out of your stupid fucking story – if I
catch even a hint of our identities in whatever the hell you publish, I’ll sue you.”

While Jin didn’t disagree with him, he sensed his husband tense next to him, perhaps as
surprised as the journalist looked.

“I’m very sorry,” the man said quietly, seemingly sincere, before scuttling as far down the
hallway as he could get.

Namjoon watched him go with an angry huff, folding his arms across his chest and slumping
against the wall the bench’s backrest.

“Namjoon…” Jin began but he said nothing further.

“Can you believe the nerve of that guy? I thought this was a closed court case? How is this
even allowed?”

“That’s only to protect the victims’ identities. The case will be on public record afterwards
anyways. He’s probably been in pretty close contact with people involved if he was allowed
to come,” Jin reasoned.

Namjoon continued to glare at the man. Before Kevin’s trial, he’d noticed the journalist
talking to another set of parents who, through their own impact statement Namjoon learned,
also had a child abused by Jonathon. Supposedly Kevin hadn’t touched their kid himself but
helped arrange the logistics for systematic abuse. From what he could piece together from
Attorney Hernandez’s summary and their statement, the things that had been done to their
son wasn’t as extreme as what Jungkook had been through but he doubted that mattered for
the other boy’s parents. The couple’s son was only six, making him at most five years old
when Jonathon had preyed upon him. Apparently there was yet another family with a
daughter who, in the end, hadn’t shown up to the courthouse.

“Are they talking to him? How could they do that? That fucking journalist is only an
opportunist looking to make a quick buck by selling a controversial story.”

“Namjoon,” Jin said again, his voice a little stronger and a little more desperate. “Let it go,
the journalist isn’t our enemy. And it’s important to bring attention to this issue.”

“Well he’s not getting any information from me.”

Jin tried to hold his hand but Namjoon wrenched his own away. He was just so fucking angry
and didn’t understand how Jin could be so calm, though now the hurt radiating off of his
husband was palpable. “I’m sorry,” Namjoon apologized, shame tightening his throat.

“It’s fine. It’s a hard day for everyone. Look, I’m gonna go call the boys and check in on
them, okay? You try and cool off.”

Namjoon nodded as Jin stood up and walked towards the courthouse lobby. His dress shoes
echoed on the stone floor, audible against the quiet murmurs in the hallway. Despite no
explicit noise rules, everyone who was waiting was subdued by the gravitas of the situation
and talked only in hushed tones. It seemed only he possessed a barely contained rage. Given
that Kevin had been clearly remorseful – crying throughout the entire hearing, especially
when Jin took to the stand to read the victim impact statement - did nothing to dampen his
flames of anger. He’d already known that Kevin had been cooperative throughout the
investigation. Namjoon chewed his lip as he eyed the other hallway occupants, hoping no one
else approached him.

They’d already exchanged greetings with Jungkook’s previous social workers, Ahmed and
Audrey, whose attendance throughout the entire trial had been mandatory. Namjoon didn’t
know where they had gone to spend the time until Jonathon’s trial. Of course Junghwan and
his ex-wife Marielle were also in attendance, undoubtedly required to give testimony for at
least some of the days. Namjoon had noticed how they sat as far away from each other as
they could get in the courtroom. Marielle had made her own statement, acknowledging that
Kevin deserved to be punished but she wanted him located in some prison closer to her
hometown where she had moved back to after her separation from Junghwan. She brought up
how prison could be dangerous for people involved in crimes like Kevin and Jonathon’s and
begged for him to at least be kept safe while they served their sentences. Her words had made
Namjoon’s lip curl in disgust. There was nothing that her pathetic sons didn’t deserve and
given the history between the two siblings they wouldn’t be kept in the same prison once all
their trials were completed.

Surprisingly, Junghwan was nowhere to be seen. As soon as Kevin’s trial was finished, he
had hurried from the room. Just as well, Namjoon didn’t want to talk to him, didn’t want him
to ask about Jungkook. To his dismay, a few minutes later Jin returned back down the hall,
accompanied by the very man Namjoon hoped to avoid. His hands curled into fists in his lap
as they approached.

“Hello Namjoon,” Junghwan greeted. He sounded exhausted, his eyes were sunken and red-
rimmed. The cheap grey suit hung loosely off his frame.

“Junghwan,” Namjoon acknowledged stiffly.

Jin shifted awkwardly from foot to foot.

It was unfathomable that Junghwan hadn’t received a single child endangerment charge. It
also didn’t sit right with him that Junghwan had seen more of the stepbrothers’ trials than he
had. The man had neglected to give an impact statement which Namjoon also judged him for.
At the same time Junghwan didn’t deserve to give one because he never really saw how the
abuse affected Jungkook and, in the eyes of the law, Junghwan and Jungkook were no longer
family. But still. How could he have ever tried to claim kinship to Jungkook and not raise a
finger to help him?
“I told him Jungkook is getting along okay,” Jin said and Namjoon detected the guilt in his
voice. They’d discussed earlier this week what they would do if Junghwan tried to approach
them at the trial and they both decided to be polite but firm that they were not interested in
engaging with him unless Jungkook ever wished to reestablish contact.

“Then there’s nothing else to say,” Namjoon gritted out.

Junghwan’s eyes widened at his blatant hostility but, like the journalist, he had the decency
not to not bother him further - yet the audacity to do it in the first place. “Guess I’ll see you
back in there,” he said before ducking his head meekly and hurrying away.

It was irrational and hadn’t bothered him before, but now Namjoon hated how much
Junghwan and Jungkook looked alike. The curve of their noses and shapes of their lips. Even
the haunted look in their eyes and the mannerism in which their faces creased when stressed.

“That man is such a spineless fucking coward. I can’t believe anyone ever deemed him fit
enough to raise a child.”

“He didn’t know, Joon,” Jin said.

“Why are you defending him? We agreed not to talk to him.” Before Jin could answer his
question, Namjoon switched topics before he could get any more wound up, “How are the
kids? Is Jungkook okay?”

“They’re fine. I didn’t talk to Jungkook directly because he was in the middle of some game
with Taehyung and Jimin and it seemed like he was distracted, which is what we want. I only
talked to Hobi. Everything’s fine. Yoongi made the rest of the kids lunch earlier. I just told
him the court called for a quick break so we can tell Jungkook about the trial outcome
ourselves when we get home.”

“Good.”

Jin sunk back down next to him on the uncomfortable wooden bench but there was a little bit
more space between them than before he had left to make the call. They waited in silence for
Jonathon’s trial to begin.

---

When they were called to enter the courtroom for Jonathon’s trial the stepbrother was already
seated up front. Just like Kevin, he wore an orange prison jumpsuit, stamped with the
district’s county in large, white lettering on the back. Jonathon was rail-thin with long, stringy
hair. Clearly, the detention center was not treating him well. Whereas Kevin had a meek and
hunched demeanor, Jonathon’s chin was raised and there was an air of arrogance or disdain
about him.

Namjoon’s hatred for him bubbled inside his stomach like a boiling pit of magma. His ears
felt hot. He clenched his jaw.
Jonathon’s head turned slightly and caught Marielle’s eye who sat at the closest pew to the
front. They nodded at each other.

Then Judge Morris swept in, the same judge from Jungkook’s video deposition. He took his
seat and announced the continuation of the case. "United States of America versus Jonathon
Williams." He reminded the courtroom that Jonathon had already pled guilty to the charges
against him which was summarized as ‘engaging in a child exploitation scheme’. The words
felt too sterile, not as horrific as what Jungkook had endured. But the jury had been forced to
look at evidence all week and their faces were stony where they sat in the raised seating on
the side of the room. It was obvious they didn’t like Jonathon any more than he did.

As court proceedings dictated, the prosecution went first. It seemed Attorney Hernandez had
already said what he had needed to say in the previous days so the other family was signaled
to take the witness stand to read their statement after Hernandez introduced them and
explained their connection to the case. The wife of the couple, her name was Madeleine,
marched up to the booth. During Kevin’s trial she had been shaky but now her steps were
purposeful. She periodically looked up from her paper to glance at the jury as she read her
statement. There were many similarities between her statement and his and Jin’s own. It was
vague on details about what had happened to her son but impressed the ‘devastating
consequences’ and how it had thrown their whole family into turmoil. It was more or less the
same thing she had read a few hours earlier to Kevin.

The judge and jury were giving her their undivided attention. Namjoon’s focus, however, was
pulled towards Jonathon as if by an invisible yet powerful gravitational force. Kevin had
been visceral in his reaction towards Madeleine and Seokjin when they read their statements.
The younger stepbrother had wept and shook. Jonathon seemed unimpressed as if she was
reading a report on the weather. Namjoon concentrated to control his breathing.

Judge Morris thanked her when she was done and Hernandez again stood up, this time to
introduce Seokjin.

Initially Jin had wanted Namjoon to read it, too worried he would break down into a puddle
of tears if he tried. But Namjoon persuaded him in the end that he should be the one to do it.
Although Namjoon had witnessed a share of Jungkook’s explosive behavior and had even
been the one to find him during his botched suicide attempt, Jin was truly the one in the
trenches all this time. He was the one who attended Jamie’s therapy sessions and stayed at
home all day. And Namjoon wasn’t as level-headed as Jin thought but that illusion had
probably vanished with how snippy he’d been while they waited in the courthouse hallway.
He’d been trying to be an anchor for Jin – he owed him at least that much – but Namjoon
couldn’t trust himself to read the statement when his hands itched to wrap around Jonathon’s
greasy neck.

Seokjin stood up and Namjoon gave his hand a final, comforting squeeze before his husband
walked down the aisle with measured, careful steps, typed impact statement held in a white-
knuckled grip. When Jin sat at the witness stand, he fixed Jonathon with a long stare before
dropping his gaze to the paper.

“I’m here to address the court today about the effect and aftermath of Jonathon William’s
horrific actions towards my son. The court has already witnessed my son’s testimony in the
form of a video, a responsibility that was forced upon him, another failing of adults to protect
him.”

The courtroom was so silent that Namjoon could’ve heard a pin drop.

So far this was the same as what he had read for Kevin but they’d made some changes for
Jonathon. Jin took a deep breath before continuing.

“Although there were a lot of systemic failings for my son who grew up in foster care, you,
Jonathon, are the epicenter of anguish in our family. The things you have done are
unforgiveable and your mere names fills me and my husband with disgust. Not only did you
hurt and take advantage of a child, you also did it in places that should have been a safe space
– his home, his bedroom. And, thanks to you, many victims are living with images of
themselves on the internet. Even when you get locked up where you will spend the rest of
your miserable life, these photos and videos will continue to spread and do harm.”

Though Jin was reading with dignity and grace, the tremors in Namjoon’s hands grew worse.
He was clenching his jaw so hard he thought his teeth might shatter. His husband’s voice
grew muted as if it existed in a vacuum. The mention of photos drew his attention elsewhere,
to the time not long after he, Ahmed, Jungkook and Jin had gone to Junghwan’s seized house
to collect Jungkook’s possessions. There hadn’t been much Jungkook wanted to take. The
following day a thought had crossed Namjoon’s mind.

“Hey, Kook, when we went to your father’s house did you take the photos we gave you?”

Before Jungkook had moved to Junghwan’s, Namjoon remembered sitting with him on the
floor of their bedroom going through a few of the family photo albums and letting Jungkook
choose some that he could take with him. It had been bittersweet, more emphasis on the
bitter.

“Can I have this one?” Jungkook asked shyly.

He was mostly choosing ones of Jemma or Binky but now he pointed to one of him, Yoongi
and Taehyung standing on a dock out on a lake they had went camping at. Jungkook was
eight in the photo. Old enough that he had been swimming for a couple years but not strong
enough that he or Jin had felt comfortable to let him swim in the lake without a life jacket.
Yoongi and Taehyung were bare chested in new swimming trunks they had bought for the trip.
They all had their arms around each other’s shoulders, their soft, round faces beaming.

Of course, Kookie,” Namjoon said, slipping it out it’s plastic cover and placing it on the
humble stack of photos.

Some of the photos had been taken with Namjoon’s traditional film camera, so while they
had made copies of the ones Jungkook took, as a gesture, they’d let him have the originals
and Namjoon preferred to put them back in the album now that Jungkook was going to be
theirs permanently.

“They got ruined,” Jungkook had said at the time, refusing to give an explanation.
Later, in therapy, Jungkook had admitted to his therapist that he had destroyed them
intentionally because Jonathon had liked to collect ‘photos’ of Jungkook and he was scared
his stepbrother would go after his siblings if he found the family photos since he had already
made threats.

Those ‘photos’ Jonathon took were one of the first piles of evidence the police raid had
found. And they were like Jin had said, published onto the dark web with the amount of eyes
that saw them probably growing every day.

In the courtroom, Namjoon could no longer hear Jin’s voice at all, for maybe it would’ve
provided him a shred of rationality. Instead his vision tunneled as he stared down Jonathon.
The man’s shoulders were quaking slightly and at first Namjoon assumed he was crying
silently in remorse like Kevin had but then his head turned slightly and Namjoon saw that he
was laughing.

His attorney leaned over and whispered something into his ear and Jonathon ceased laughing
immediately but a smirk still painted his lips.

Namjoon erupted.

Before he knew it, Namjoon was charging down the aisle of pews, screaming obscenities as
the small audience and jurors watched him with wide-eyes. He didn’t even get anywhere near
Jonathon or the lawyer’s table before several security courtroom personnel were tackling him
to the ground and cuffing his wrists together.

Even with his arms pinned behind his back he continued to struggle.

“HOW COULD YOU?” he screamed. “HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO HIM!?”

The guards were hoisting him up now, dragging him backwards towards the door. “I
understand why you’re doing this,” one murmured into his ear, “But please calm down.”

Jonathon was looking over the back of his chair at him. Only mild surprise crossed his
features. Namjoon strained as he was pulled out of the room. Tears cascaded down his face.
They burned like lava. “I HOPE THEY FUCKING KILL YOU! YOU FUCKING
BASTARD!”

Just before the doors to the courtroom swung shut, Namjoon’s vision finally focused on his
husband who had stood up in the witness stand, eyes wide and blinking owlishly, impact
statement still in his hands. The doors clanged shut and blocked Namjoon from seeing
anything else as the bailiffs pulled him out.

---

Namjoon’s skin was covered in goosebumps from the residual rage and nerves.

“No one’s going to press charges against you,” Attorney Hernandez explained. “Attorney
Brixton convinced Jonathon it was in his best interests to give you leeway…and Judge
Morris sympathizes with you but you’ll have to leave the premises for the duration of the
trial.” He nodded at Jin. “Mr. Kim, you may stay and read your impact statement again if you
wish.”

The judge had called a recess immediately after Namjoon’s outburst and now they were in
some small room off to the side where the attorney representing Jungkook lectured him like a
principal to a school child while a sympathetic-looking bailiff stood off to the side. Namjoon
swallowed as he digested the fact that he wouldn’t be allowed when they went back in. He
had failed Jungkook. His son was the one who had endured all the abuses, of which Namjoon
would never know the full extent and Namjoon wasn’t even strong enough to see justice be
dealt. And now he was leaving his husband to see it through all alone. Still, that, and
interrupting his husband were the only things he actually regretted. How satisfying it
would’ve been to wrap his hands around Jonathon’s throat.

Meanwhile, Jin sat frozen by his side in an identically uncomfortable wooden chair. His
expression was unreadable but his ears were a bright red which could’ve signaled a number
of things; anger, embarrassment, disappointment. Maybe everything at once.

“That’s all, really,” the lawyer said, looking tired and sad. Namjoon recalled how he’d even
caught the stepbrother’s attorney smoking a cigarette and looking haunted on the day of
Jungkook’s deposition. “I can give you a few minutes but then the security is going to escort
you to the parking lot.”

“Okay,” Namjoon said robotically. “Sorry.”

Attorney Hernandez excused himself and once the office door swung shut behind him
Namjoon turned to Jin. “I’m so sorry, I lost control. But he was..he was laughing at us. At
Jungkook.”

His insides twisted when Jin finally spoke but couldn’t even look up at him. “I know you’re
angry...I am too, just…”

The disappointment from his partner crushed him. Jin trailed off and Namjoon thought he
wouldn’t be able to finish whatever it is he wanted to say but then Jin spoke with renewed
intensity. “I just thought you were past this fucking ‘bottling things up until you explode’
phase. These past few weeks I was admiring how put together you’ve been, how calm you
were through everything. Promise me you will never, never express your anger like that
again. If you ever act like that again, especially around our family, it’s…I don’t even know
what. You cannot let any of the kids, especially Jungkook ever see you like that. I won’t let
you do that to him.”

Namjoon’s mouth went dry. Of course Namjoon would never get so angry at his family. Is
that what Jin thought of him? Had he actually looked that unhinged in the courtroom?

“I won’t,” Namjoon promised meekly.

The bailiff who was meant to escort him off the premises cleared his throat awkwardly.

Namjoon pushed on with his mediocre, rushed apology.

“I’m really sorry…just when I saw he was laughing at us…at Jungkook…at all the
destruction he caused, something just came over me. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I
ruined your statement…I hope you do it again. We worked so hard on it. You were doing
great, I’m sorry.”

Jin just nodded, studying the floor as the bailiff walked up to him and took his elbow. “We
should go,” the man said.

“Call me when the trial is over so I can pick you up.”

“Are you going to go back to the kids?” Jin asked.

“I d-don't…I don’t know. I need to calm down first. I’m not sure how long that will take.”

Jin nodded again and the bailiff tugged on him a little more forcibly this time so Namjoon let
himself be escorted out, feeling wretched and his throat clogged with emotion.

---

Apparently, the premises also included the parking lot so Namjoon drove across the street to
a plaza with various restaurants and shopping centers and parked. He sat in the car feeling
like a child in timeout. He hunched over and slammed a fist on the dashboard before the
stone in his throat un-lodged and released a few hiccupping sobs, hoping store-goers
wouldn’t get concerned and call another set of security personnel on him. It reminded him of
the first time he and Jin had gone to the police station where they were shown graphic
evidence of what had happened to Jungkook. Except now he was alone. How could’ve he
fucked things up so badly?

Jin was right. He couldn’t express his emotions well enough for a fucking adult. Whenever
something bad bad happened like when he caught Jungkook about to kill himself or just an
hour ago in the courtroom, he lost control and made the situation a million times worse. It
was difficult to admit but he hadn’t been taking his own therapy seriously enough. He
dutifully went to all his sessions but mostly sat there and didn’t spend much time thinking
about it once he paid and left even though the therapist had pointedly told him once that
‘most the work happens outside of the session’. Maybe he should get a new therapist. Maybe
he and Jin should try couple’s counseling. The mere thought left a pang in his chest and a
bitter taste in his mouth. He knew a lot of people did it at various points in their relationship,
that it didn’t necessarily mean they were in a ‘rough patch’ but all along he just thought they
were better than that.

Jin was already overworked and overstressed and all Namjoon had proven to him was that he
couldn’t be trusted to handle things. He’d ruined Jin’s statement that they’d worked so hard
on. And all sorts of legal officials were there, what if one of them was concerned at his
behavior and this time social services came to audit him?

His husband’s words echoed in his head.

You cannot let any of the kids, especially Jungkook ever see you like that. I won’t let you do
that to him.
He shook himself, trying to not wallow in pity. The wrap-up of Kevin’s trial had taken over
two hours, including the time for the jurors to discuss amongst themselves and the judge to
decide upon the final sentence. Jonathon had a few more charges, higher in severity than his
brother. Namjoon didn’t know if that meant it would make the process slower or faster.

Blinking away the last of his tears, he blotted his face with a tissue and chugged some water
as a woman trundled by pushing a shopping cart and gave him a weird look through the
windshield. He averted his eyes and decided he would walk around the shopping center. Then
he would call and check-in on the kids. Until he felt a little calmer, however, he would
remain in the car that was slowly heating up under the summer sun and scroll through his
phone of pictures he’d taken of Jin or the kids to remind himself that Jonathon hadn’t taken
all these precious moments from him.

It made him feel a little better, to see his family’s joy in both big and small ways. His kids
were growing up so fast - already two months old was the picture of Taehyung beaming and
standing in front of the car after he’d passed his driver’s test. Then, a few weeks later, a
similar one of Jimin. The photo Hobi had sent him, taken by his coworker at Starbucks,
where he posed dramatically with a fresh batch of pastries. Another of Jimin and Hoseok
together, demonstrating their impressive flexibility born from years of dance classes. There
was a video he’d taken of Yoongi at the mall when he played the free-to-use grand piano.
Namjoon scrolled and scrolled but there weren’t any recent photos of Jungkook.

---

The car ride home was heavy and awkward after Jin explained how the rest of the trial had
gone similarly to Kevin’s, that Jonathon had also received a punishment of three consecutive
life sentences. Apparently the jury had been in and out of the deliberation room in no time at
all. About halfway back to their neighborhood, after a long silence, Jin asked, “Had he really
been laughing? I was…I was looking at the paper so I didn’t see.”

“He was.” Namjoon’s hands curled around the steering wheel tighter.

“I saw Jonathon wasn’t really affected when the first family gave their statement but I
thought because Jungkook was closer to the whole thing that he would be more upset at
mine. But when I read it again after you left I made sure to look at him a few times but he
just had no expression. I don’t even know if he was listening to me.”

Namjoon hummed, unsure what to say.

“The only thing he seemed remorseful about was that he got caught, of course he didn’t say
that explicitly though. In his closing statement…I can’t remember what he said exactly…but
it was basically about how this whole thing affected him.”

“He’s a monster,” Namjoon said. “People like him will somehow always see themselves as
the victim.”

“The other father that was there,” Jin said, “Madeleine’s husband. He came up to me after it
was over. He said he wished he had had the courage to do what you tried to do.”
“I was being stupid, not courageous.”

“It’s done now,” Jin sighed, neither agreeing nor disagreeing with the statement.

Exhaustion weighed Namjoon down, making him feel heavy in the seat even though all he
had done was stay in the car or wander around the shopping center for the last three hours.

“It’s done,” he agreed.

---

When they got home, it looked like a hurricane had blown through the living room. Dirty
dishes, cans of soda, and gaming controllers littered the coffee table, hats and socks and
pillows scattered across the floor. At first Jin couldn’t even locate Jungkook amongst the
mess and the rest of the kids who were sprawled on the sofa watched him with huge eyes,
shifting in nervous anticipation looking like a group of owlets. Then Jin noticed his youngest
tucked into the corner of the couch, half-buried under a blanket and several plushies despite
the August heat. Since the trial Jungkook hadn’t been displaying as many age-regressive
behaviours such as carrying around his stuffed bear, but he clutched it now like a lifeline.
Jungkook tried to make himself even smaller as everyone’s gaze landed on him, the way he
always did nowadays when he was in the spotlight. Jin strode over the remaining steps and
wrapped Jungkook in a tight hug who didn’t reciprocate but rather tensed with a sharp inhale
and Jin immediately retracted his arms, an apology already forming on his lips.

“D-did you win?” Jungkook asked before Jin could articulate anything. His son’s face was a
little bewildered but mostly apprehensive. His gaze flicked self-consciously to his brothers
who were waiting with baited breath.

Was there winning in this situation? The multiple life sentences without parole were less than
what the stepbrothers deserved and the justice felt hollow to Jin. He forced a reassuring,
triumphant smile onto his face. “Yes, Kookie. They both received multiple life sentences.
They’re going to be sent to federal prisons halfway across the country for the rest of their
lives. You’ll never see them again.”

They’d actually be held in the county prison fifty miles north of the city until their other trials
for their other charges happened but Jungkook didn’t need to know that as those cases were
none of his concern.

Jungkook nodded uncertainly, not seeming surprised at the sentencing, nor did it dissipate the
troubled expression on his face. “Okay.”

The rest of the kids didn’t ask any questions either but the atmosphere in the room remained
tense. No one really knew what to say or do. Jin couldn’t tell if he was still angry at Namjoon
but he didn’t want the kids to pick up on any negative energy between them so he puttered
about and tried to act like everything was normal.

“You kids made a disaster in here. I can barely see the floor. It better be cleaned up by
dinner,” he scolded halfheartedly.
He wandered into the kitchen, aimlessly adjusting things that were off-center, making sure
not to stray too far from where Jungkook still sat on the couch as a sitcom blared on the TV.
Namjoon was doing the same, tending to his plants and alternating between sending cautious,
guilty glances his and Jungkook’s way. Hoseok, Jimin and Taehyung made valiant efforts to
try and lift the mood by making snarky remarks about the characters in the episode. Yoongi
remained quiet and looked like he was thinking deeply about something. Jin made a note to
talk to him later, hoping this wouldn’t be a setback for him and his own trauma. Apparently
Jungkook didn’t appreciate their hovering - Jin couldn’t blame him – and after twenty
minutes or so he quietly went upstairs to his bedroom, soon followed by Yoongi.

Jimin also got up from the couch but walked over to Jin. He looked so sweet and earnest
standing there with sleeves that were too long for him – he insisted he was the same size as
Taehyung as his brother went through a growth spurt while he didn’t. He wrapped Jin in a
hug.

“Thanks Jiminie,” Jin said quietly, suddenly feeling like an old, old man.

“Love you dad.”

“Love you too, sweetheart.”

---

Jungkook closed his door behind him, sighing in relief at the barrier between him and the
weird vibes that permeated the air when no one knew what to say to him as well as whatever
was going on between Jin and Joon. He tossed Honey and the stupid, childish weighted
stegosaurus plushy onto the floor and then sunk down to sit on the carpet with them, his back
against his door. Jemma who had been sleeping on his bed let out a mrow and pounced down
to come rub against his shins. He scratched her chin absentmindedly.

Life sentences were what Jungkook had been told to expect and he felt no joy, surprise, or
relief at it. Jin might as well have told him that two plus two equals four. Ever since the
police took him, he’d been told by them and various authorities that he’d never see Jonathon
or Kevin again. The rational part of him knew it would be true because there was so much
obvious evidence against him. Even without his testimony, the videos and photos and drugs
were all there. He was pretty sure Jonathon had a gun too.

Jungkook didn’t really feel like a prison sentence mattered that much. Prison didn’t sound
like a real place to him. Some far away thing that wasn’t part of his reality. Besides, Jonathon
and Kevin had already destroyed parts of him and a prison sentence, even ones for life,
wouldn’t change that. What if someone else like that guy at the mall recognized him? What if
when he went back to school one of his teachers was secretly a pervert and had found the
stuff online? What if someone entirely new came along and could tell how messed up he was
and wanted to do all the same things Jonathon had done to him? Jonathon and Kevin in
prison couldn’t guarantee anything.

A few stray tears ran down his cheeks and he swatted them away. He was about to crawl into
bed to stare aimlessly at the wall when someone rapped on the door, startling him.
“I want to be alone,” Jungkook said, wishing Jin would let him fucking breathe for once. But
then he heard Yoongi’s deep voice.

“If you come to my room we don’t have to talk or anything.”

Suddenly that seemed like a much better idea than curling into a lonely ball with only Jemma
for company so he stood up and grabbed his stuffed animals again and followed after his
older brother to his and Hobi’s bedroom. He spread out on his stomach in Yoongi’s bed, one
arm wrapped around the bear and using the dinosaur as a pillow while Jemma laid down near
his feet. Yoongi sat at his piano but plugged his headphones into the keyboard so the only
thing he could hear was the clacking of fingers on the keys. It was strangely soothing and
Jungkook snuggled further into the mattress. This was pretty much what he had been
planning to do in his own room but it felt less pathetic in here. He wanted to spend as much
time with Yoongi until he moved out even though they often spent time like this, each doing
their own thing (although Jungkook’s ‘thing’ was often doing nothing) in comfortable
silence.

His mouth stretched into a yawn. He had been too anxious to sleep the night prior, even with
an extra anxiety tablet. But now everything was done and his lack of rest was catching up to
him. Still, he didn’t want to fall asleep quite yet. He wanted to exist a bit longer in the strange
state between sleeping and wakefulness where the cautious pieces of peace and hope that
glimmered in his chest were almost tangible.
 Chapter 38
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes

Jin kneaded the hard muscles of Namjoon’s neck and shoulders. They were lounging in bed,
Jin propped up against the pillows and Namjoon in front of him and gradually wilting as he
became more and more sleepy. The physical therapy clinic was doing some minor
renovations and Namjoon had been roped into carrying heavy file boxes on top of his already
demanding job of contorting peoples’ bodies all day. Namjoon let out a soft sigh as a knot of
tension released near his spine.

It hadn’t been hard for Jin to forgive Namjoon. In retrospect, he wasn’t sure if he’d been
angry at Namjoon in the first place. Rather, they’d both been furious at the whole situation.
They still were. What Namjoon had done at the courthouse was a reasonable reaction.
Stupid? Sure. But he knew how hard Namjoon was on himself, what a nervous foster-parent
he’d been in the beginning and how he never felt like he measured up to the impossible
standards he set for himself as the years went by. Jin always admired how he strived to do
better, be better. But there was no denying it could be detrimental and self-sabotaging.
They’d had a long discussion about it the other night - with how much time and energy they
put into Jungkook and their other kids they had forgotten to sit down and just talk to each
other. Namjoon promised that he’d bring some of the points up to his therapist and vowed in
a rather dramatic fashion to take his sessions more seriously. Which then prompted a weird
meta conversation about how he couldn’t perfectionism his way through therapy either.

Likewise, Namjoon had also called Jin out on being too hard on himself. The obvious
conclusion they’d come to was they couldn’t adequately be there for their kids if they were
spending so much time beating themselves up – or each other – over every mistake,
perceived or actual. Easier said than done.

Jamie’s advice was to try and take some time for themselves each week, even if it was only
an hour. Namjoon insisted his work commute gave him that since it was a half hour each way.
He refused to listen to reason that his commute was a necessary part of his day already so it
didn’t count but he let the issue rest for now.

Jin stopped his massage to let his arms drape over Namjoon’s chest and rested his chin on top
of his head. It would be easier to take personal time once the kids were back in school. Even
Jungkook would go to school again in some capacity and Yoongi was moving out to an
apartment only twenty minutes away on September first. While both of those changes could
pose new problems, Jin couldn’t deny that sending his kids out into society would be some
hours off his plate and would allow him to take that ‘personal time’ Jamie so wanted him to
have.

Just as Jin thought Namjoon was actually asleep his husband shifted and grabbed one of Jin’s
hands with own. He could feel the vibrations against his chest as Namjoon leaned back and
asked, “Do you think we should do couples-counselling?”
Jin closed his eyes and sighed, gripping Namjoon’s hand a little tighter.

“I honestly don’t know where we’d fit that in, budget or time-wise. I think that group Jaime
suggested for the parents of kids in the DBT program could be helpful,” he said. “But I trust
us Namjoonie. Do you?”

“It’s me I don’t trust.”

Jin winced. Namjoon had really taken his words at the courthouse to heart no matter how
self-aware he was.

“If you ever act like that again, especially around our family, it’s…I don’t even know what.
You cannot let any of the kids, especially Jungkook ever see you like that. I won’t let you do
that to him.”

“I’m sorry love, I didn’t mean what I said. I was also upset. That whole fucking trial was one
of the most difficult things we had to go through. I don’t think we could’ve predicted how
hard it would be for us to see them and everyone else involved,” Jin said.

Namjoon sighed. “I just wish it had actually done something for any of our problems.”

“Me too.” More often than not, Jin felt like he was pushing a boulder up a mountain but the
peak was an unknown distance away, covered in clouds and there was no place to rest.
Perhaps it was an endless journey. He placed a kiss on the crown of Namjoon’s head. “Did
my massage at least help in some way?”

Namjoon turned around and situated himself so he was kneeling between Jin’s legs. “It sure
did, guess I’ll have to return the favor.”

His husband leaned in and kissed him, soft and slow while his large hands fumbled for the
hem of Jin’s shirt. “Lift your arms up,” he instructed.

Jin welcomed the change in mood and did as he was told. Namjoon took the shirt off in one
fluid motion.

“Are we really doing this right now?” Jin asked, sighing as Namjoon’s breath tickled his
neck.

“It’s been too long don’t you think?”

“But the kids are still awake…”

“You better be quiet then.”

“Are you trying to impersonate some shitty male lead in a saucy rom-com?” Jin snorted but
he couldn’t deny the tingle of anticipation in his chest.

“If you hate it so much, why are your ears so red?” Namjoon teased back.
Giggling, Jin slid down so he was lying on his back with Namjoon hovering over him,
leaving a trail of kisses that went lower and lower.

---

Namjoon and Jin were joining Jungkook for another few therapy sessions, not only to try and
resolve his feelings of shame and embarrassment at them witnessing his video deposition but
also because he naturally had some questions about details concerning Jonathon and Kevin.

“Kevin claimed during the hearing that Jonathon...assaulted him too when they were still
kids,” Jin explained.

Jungkook’s eyes widened and he looked away, his gaze flitting frantically to and fro as he
tried to adjust to the new information. “O-oh. That, um, actually make sense, I guess,” his son
stuttered.

“But it doesn’t excuse anything Kevin did to you,” Namjoon was quick to add.

Jungkook nodded but he had a faraway expression. Jin hoped he wasn’t about to disassociate
again.

“Who hurt Jonathon then?” Jungkook asked, eyes sharpening.

“What? What do you mean?”

“I mean, people usually do it because it happened to them.” Jungkook looked at Jamie for
confirmation. “Remember we talked about that before?”

“Yes,” Jamie agreed, “Abuse is often cyclic but like I said before, it’s not always the case nor
does it mean you’re bound to end up hurting anyone.”

“But it’s likely right? That someone did it to Jonathon too?” Jungkook pressed. “No one ever
talked about their bio-father.”

“We heard that he passed away when they were barely old enough to remember him. From
lung cancer,” Namjoon said. “It’s a possibility he or someone else did something similar to
Jonathon but he never admitted anything to anyone as far as we know. Some people just hurt
others.”

Jin wanted to add something that would drive the point home that it didn’t matter what had
happened to Kevin or Jonathon growing up. He didn’t want Jungkook to feel any sympathy
towards them. He couldn’t think of anything particularly profound so he merely rephrased
Namjoon, “Having gone through abuse is never an acceptable reason to hurt others.”

“I know that, I’m not dumb!” Jungkook snapped.

“We don’t think you’re dumb, sweetheart. I just know how you always try to see the best in
people. I think that’s very admirable but I also want to make sure you have boundaries
appropriate to your comfort level.”
Jungkook’s expression deflated at his words. “Okay,” he mumbled. He didn’t say anything
for a few moments longer and Jin shifted nervously, trying hard to keep his mouth shut even
though he desperately wanted to continue to ramble about how much he loved him and
wanted to do everything in his power to keep him safe. Such sentiments would only
embarrass Jungkook and he didn’t want to co-opt the therapy session anyways.

Jungkook shot a look at Jamie that he couldn’t quite interpret but his therapist cleared her
throat. “Alright, well, I think Jungkook and I have some things to discuss now.”

“Oh, okay. Yeah. I’ll be in the waiting room,” Jin said hastily, standing up.

Namjoon got to his feet in a calmer fashion. Jin stilled his fidgety hands, trying to model his
husband’s demeanor. Jungkook’s nervous demeanor could be contagious and Namjoon had
been doing his best to be as positive and helpful since the hearing. It seemed one of them was
always off-kilter, drowning while the other managed to stay afloat, if just barely. How
sustainable was this dynamic? Part of being in a relationship was one half occasionally
having to pick up the slack but Jaime probably had a point about making personal time and
Namjoon for bringing up getting some sort of couple’s counselor.

“I have to head back to work, Kookie,” Namjoon’s voice rumbled as he ruffled Jungkook’s
hair fondly on his way towards the door. “I’ll see you at dinner.”

“Okay,” Jungkook mumbled again curling tighter around the pillow he had tucked in between
his legs and chest.

Jin’s hand also instinctively reached out to touch Jungkook’s head but he tensed and flexed
his fingers before retracting them and letting his hand drop to his side again.

“I’ll be in the waiting room for you when you’re done,” Jin said.

“You said that already,” Jungkook replied, annoyance coloring his tone.

“Oh..right, sorry.”

Jamie gave him a small smile.

He hurried after Namjoon to the door where his husband was cocking an eyebrow at him, out
of Jungkook’s field of vision.

Once the door was shut and they were further down the hallway of the building Jin asked,
“Was I being too awkward? Did I make him uncomfortable? Is that why he wanted us to
leave so soon? I thought we were going to be there the whole session like last time. Not just
fifteen minutes.”

“You weren’t not awkward,” Namjoon commented drily. His husband slowed his pace so
they were walking side by side and clasped Jin’s slender hand with his strong, rougher one.
“Why are you so nervous all of the sudden, honey?”

He took a few calming breaths. “I mean, I expected Jungkook to have some sort of reaction to
the trial…but not like this. He never wanted to talk about Jonathon or Kevin before and now
they’re the only people he asks about. It’s almost like he’s concerned about them. I’m just so
worried about Jungkook having misguided feelings towards those monsters. I don’t want him
to feel sympathy or empathy towards them. What they did is unforgivable.”

“Isn’t that Jungkook’s decision to make? To forgive them?”

“But he can’t!” Jin replied immediately even though Namjoon was right. “I know you agree
with me! What they did was so horrible I-

Namjoon cut him off by pulling him to the side so his back was against the wall as an
unphased employee made their way past them. “I’m not saying I could ever forgive them
either. They’re sick and now they’re where they belong until they die. You shouldn’t try to
influence his feelings too much. If you keep reminding him that they’re evil monsters who
did terrible, horrible things to him, he’ll probably just feel worse about what happened.”

Jin blinked. He hadn’t thought of it like that. Jungkook’s self-esteem was questionable if he
even had any at all. It would reinforce Jungkook’s thoughts, no matter how misguided they
were, that they had targeted him because he wasn’t worth loving.

“Don’t focus on how bad they were,” Namjoon continued, “Just keep reminding him how
much we love him.”

“I do do that! I’ve been doing it ever since he came back to live with us. But what if it’s not
working?”

Namjoon quickly wrapped him in a hug and Jin didn’t bother blinking away his budding
tears.

“I know honey,” Namjoon said into his ear. “You’re a great dad. But we can’t control
Jungkook, he has to make the decision to get better himself.”

“But he’s just a kid, a baby. He shouldn’t have to make these decisions. He should be g-going
to school with his f-friends and playing s-soccer and video g-games.”

“I know, I know, it’s so unfair,” Namjoon said, still wrapping him in an embrace.

A woman who Jin had seen in the waiting room, presumably the mother of a patient, walked
by and gave them a curious glance. It didn’t bother Jin – he had cried a lot during his visits
here and witnessed the countless tears of other parents on their way in or out of the building
before.

Jungkook’s biggest worry right now should be a math test or a sport’s tournament. But his
innocence and childhood had been ground to dust as if it hadn’t ever mattered in the first
place. How was Jin just supposed to accept that fact? Earlier in the year a lot of Jin’s one-on-
one sessions with Jamie had centered around accepting that he couldn’t change what had
happened and managing his expectations. He didn’t know if he would be able to come to
terms with anything until Jungkook did. If Jungkook’s wellbeing couldn’t be guaranteed, how
could his own peace of mind?
 ---

“It doesn’t matter they’re in prison. They knew they’d get caught at some point,” Jungkook
told Jamie.

It was true. Jungkook had overheard Kevin and Jonathon talking once after a…session..while
they carried him to the bathroom and cleaned him up. Apparently they had a buddy up in
Canada who was trying to convince them to move there because the punishment for these
sorts of things was lesser. They had been seriously considering it and Jungkook didn’t know
if that meant he’d be forced to go with him or if they would just kill him before they left.

“They knew this would eventually happen – that they’d get caught,” Jungkook repeated.
“And they got to watch the video I had to make for the trial.”

They’d gotten to see how much they’d destroyed him. He wasn’t confident about Kevin – his
dads had told him Kevin had been very upset at his trial but they’d acted strange when he
questioned them about Jonathon. He didn’t need them to tell him - he knew Jonathon
probably got a kick out of it. Even facing a life sentence Jungkook wouldn’t be surprised if
he held a smug smile. He’d be so self-satisfied at his work. He’d probably think about it to
whittle away all the time in his prison cell, revelling over and over the times he hurt
Jungkook and how messed up he was after everything. Jonathon had won and Jungkook had
lost and Kevin was probably just as messed up as him if he had to spend his whole life under
Jonathon’s shadow.

Their punishment didn’t actually help him. Living with what had happened to him was
always straddling the line between bearable and unbearable.

“Jungkook?” Jaime asked, “Are you with me?”

“What will they do in prison? How will they spend their time?” he asked.

“I don’t know Jungkook. I’m not familiar with the prison system and I assume it varies from
place to place.”

“Will they be allowed visitors? Can they make phone calls? What if they try to contact me?”

“I assume their family can visit them every now and then. Contact such as calls and letters
have to be pre-approved and the conversations aren’t private,” Jaime explained. “They won’t
be allowed to contact you.”

Jungkook let himself fall sideways onto the couch cushions. He pulled his knees and crushed
the pillow to his chest as tight as he could.

“My little potato bug,” Jonathon had crooned when he would find Jungkook curled up like
this. Had he ever said something similar to Kevin when they were younger?

“Jungkook?” Jaime asked again.

Mari, their mom, was probably be sad.

His father was probably sad.

His dads seemed sad.

He was sad.

---

“Sorry I haven’t, like, been around or whatever,” Jungkook said. “I had…I was busy with
some legal thingy.”

“Legal thingy?” Mia asked.

They were both out on the porch swing. No one else was in the backyard but Jungkook
lowered his voice. “It was..there was like a court case or something against some people that
did some stuff when I was with my bio-dad. I had to do some stuff for it.”

Although Mia was nosy, she often knew where to stop with Jungkook. Usually. “What kind
of stuff?”

He hugged himself and stared at his knees. “A testimony, I guess. But, like, I didn’t have to
go to the actual court case or anything.” Even without looking at her he could tell her
curiosity wasn’t satisfied. “But yeah, it’s done now so I have a lot more free time,” he said
quickly. She got the hint and didn’t press further.

“Oh, well that sucks that it didn’t finish until now. I don’t know how much free time we’ll
have once school starts. I’ve heard the honor’s courses are a lot of work. Hopefully we’ll get
some of the same classes though.”

Honors classes. Like he would ever be able to take those again with how far he’d fallen
behind. His online classes had been a joke and though he wouldn’t admit it to his dads, the
purpose of school seemed so insignificant now but the act of actually going to it felt
insurmountable. He couldn’t believe it was only a year and some months ago that his grades
were his biggest stressor and priority.

“I’m actually…I’m actually not going to go back to school.”

Mia’s eyes grew as wide as saucers. “You’re moving?”

“N-no. I mean, I’ll go but just, like, a little bit. They..Jin and Joon…want me to take an
elective there when the semester starts. So I’ll be doing all my classes online still but I need
to have like one class there,” Jungkook explained.

“Oh.” He could tell she was stumped. No one loved school but for most it was a guaranteed
opportunity to hang out with friends every day and it was obvious she couldn’t comprehend
why he wouldn’t – couldn’t – go back.

“Mia can you…can you do me a favor?” Jungkook asked nervously.

“What is it?”
“I was wondering if you could take my elective course with me.”

Mia was opening her mouth to reply when Jungkook cut her off. “I mean, I’ll take whatever
you take! Just please can you tell me what you wanted to take and I’ll sign up for it too.”

“Yeah, sure. We can look at the elective list together and decide what we want to take,” she
assured. There was a nervous tension in her body and Jungkook wondered if she was always
on edge, just waiting for him to lose it again.

“Thank you,” he breathed out, not realizing how nervous he had been about the thought of
having to do in-person school even if it was just a few art credits. The next step was to try
and persuade her to take some really obscure one so there would be no risk running into his
former friends. Photography? Pottery? Who knew.

“There’s no guarantee though,” Mia continued, the worry never quite leaving her gaze though
she sank back against the porch swing cushions. “We’re freshmen so we don’t get class
priority. It might be better if we choose something that isn’t as popular.”

“We can find something.”

“Do you have your computer? We can look what there is.”

“Oh sure, it’s in the living room,” Jungkook said. They stood up and padded inside where
Jungkook retrieved it from the coffee table where it lay amongst a pile of tablets and laptops
and books and cat hair.

He pulled up the school course page which he hadn’t even bothered to look at until now. It
was a reminder that there would always be new, dangerous environments where he wouldn’t
have his dads around and he was too shy to ask one of his brothers to take a class with him.

“Look,” Mia gestured at the screen. “A calligraphy class. That sounds easy and kind of dumb
and probably not that many people take it. Plus my handwriting sucks so maybe it will make
it better.”

“That’s fine,” Jungkook said.

“Oh ceramics! I’ve always wanted to try that!” Mia said.

“We can take that one then,” Jungkook agreed.

“Hm, there’s also music theory. It might be harder but it could be useful…”

How could she be enthusiastic about every class?

She continued on. “There’s also something called Multimedia Art. Oh and a set design class
for the theatre department. I’ve already decided to take theatre tech like always for my other
elective credit but building the sets looks fun too. Isn’t there also an intro photography class?
But that one’s probably really popular. Isn’t Tae in AP photography this year? What are you
interested in again? You took drawing a couple years ago, right?”
“Um…uh…anything’s good. Really. Oh, but it needs to be a morning class.”

His DBT program would be in the afternoons several days of the week.

Mia fell silent, her lips pursed as she regarded him. “I’ll let you choose,” she said, as if
declaring some sort of challenge.

He picked at the dry skin around his thumbnail. What would he want to take if he wasn’t so
afraid? A lot of the classes did seem cool and was running into someone he once knew really
that big of a deal? It had been well over a year since he had last seen any of his former
friends. Even his best friend, Jacob, had given up on texting him at this point. No one would
care about him anymore. He could be invisible, a nobody.

“I dunno…what is the description of that multimedia class?” he mumbled.

Mia sucked in a breath and read in her weird announcer voice (she claimed she wanted to be
on the school news committee by sophomore year), “Students in this course will be
introduced to and gain experience working in a variety of two and three dimensional media as
well as develop an understanding of the elements and principles of design. This class will
stress creative expression, problem solving skills, historical and cultural information,
aesthetic valuing, and craftmanship,” she read. After a pause she added, “Well that doesn't
really tell us shit. I guess it’s like arts and crafts.”

He giggled. “What, like in elementary school?”

She grinned. “Yeah but a pretentious version. And there’s a twenty dollar fee for the materials
which includes ‘fabric, ink, mirrors, copper, gourds, tiles, etcetera’,” she listed the materials
in a faux-French accent.

“Let’s take it! It sounds funny.”

“Okay! Registration for us opens up at 9am in two days. So set your alarm.”

He felt bolstered by the decision. “Sure.” He could paint a pumpkin or make a stupid abstract
sculpture out of copper and mirrors.

Just then, Joon decided to walk by. “What are you two laughing about in here?”

“Me and Jungkook are gonna take this weird art class. We’re gonna decorate gourds.”

His dad frowned. “Is this what education has come to these days?” He leaned over and
squinted at the computer screen. “Oh, that timeslot would be good Jungkook. It’s third
period, that’s the one before lunch, right? So you can stay there and eat and Jin can pick you
up afterwards.”

Jungkook’s heart sank a little. “Yeah, whatever.”

Once Namjoon wandered away Mia said, “You can sit with me at lunch, you know. My
friends know we hang out. They’re not gonna be, like, weird or anything.”
“You didn’t tell anyone anything right?” he asked. “Like, about my situation.” They’d had
similar social circles in middle school and no doubt they already knew how he had been a
foster kid.

“No.”

“Okay,” he sighed. “Guess we’re gonna take multimedia then.”

---

Life moved on. Yoongi started packing up his stuff to move into an apartment only twenty
minutes away with a co-worker and a friend from high school who was going to attend the
nearby community college. Yoongi would work full-time at the music store with his new
promotion as shift manager and do his music production program online part-time. Next year
he had hopes of going to Los Angeles for the second and final year of the course to try and
make connections.

Taehyung’s mother got out of rehab and started to attend an outpatient program. Jimin was
appointed vice-captain of the dance team. Hoseok would’ve been appointed captain since he
was a senior, but he was planning to continue his part-time job at Starbucks on the weekend
and wanted less responsibility in his other extracurriculars. Soon he would start applying to
colleges and Jin could already foresee a spring break filled with visiting potential
universities. Meanwhile, Jungkook would start the group Dialectal Behavioral Therapy
program specifically geared towards those with Borderline Personality Disorder. In the spring
semester perhaps he’d be able to take two in-person classes. Jin couldn’t believe how fast
they were growing up.

He and Namjoon had changes of their own.

On Thursday evenings, his husband came home from work thirty minutes early to hold down
the fort while Jin took his ‘personal time’. It was a bit unnerving that he didn’t how to take
time for himself anymore. Though he spent plenty of time alone over the years, it was always
with a purpose related to the family – shopping, cleaning, bills, appointments, school
performances.

Reluctantly, Jin had signed up for a gym membership. Jin was far from sedentary in his day-
to-day life so he doubted its effectiveness but it soon proved to be exactly what he needed.
Such a simple thing, going to the gym for ninety minutes. Why hadn’t he done this sooner?
Likewise, Namjoon had been persuaded to take his own time on Sunday mornings though his
husband decided to spend his own time on hiking trails in the forest.

Things were definitely getting better, for them, for Jungkook. Jin still had his concerns. Their
children were all teenagers though which came with its own list of unending problems.

Taehyung, for example, was trying to become a cool kid. Growing his hair out to the point
that there was a slight curl to the ends and it was perpetually in his eyes. He'd taken his long
boarding hobby, which Jin had initially thought would be short-lived, to a new level. Being
cool was never something his goofy second-youngest had cared about before and Jin thought
the timing of his son’s change in priorities was suspicious given that his mother had just left
rehab. And Jungkook was perpetually following after Tae these days meaning that they were
spending the last of summer at the local skatepark which was full of thrill-seeking teenagers
with questionable morals.

"I saw a guy with his ear pierced, it looked cool," Jungkook said after getting home from the
park.

"Ear? Just one?" Jin asked. "That's dumb."

"You don't understand," Jungkook scoffed, flicking his bangs out of his eyes in the same
manner Taehyung did.

"You need a haircut," Jin informed him.

"I'm growing it out," Jungkook said before wandering away.

"I'm worried about Tae and Kook," Jin fretted to Namjoon that night. "All of the sudden they
want to do this or that which they see the other kids doing. It was one thing when it was just
skateboarding and Jungkook was only copying his brother but now he sees one random kid at
the skatepark and wants to get his ear pierced. It’ll just get worse when school actually
starts."

"Isn't that called being teenagers?" Namjoon asked. "You want them to stop doing that?"

"Jungkook has a personality disorder, Joon! He has a 'weak sense of self' so now he wants to
do all these things but it's not him. And since when did Tae care about what people thought
about him? Yoongi, Jimin, and Hobi don’t act like that.”

"Well ear piercings, only wearing black, and hair poking their eyes is kind of stupid but its
not harmful. They just want to seem cool.”

"But…but they shouldn't be trying to be cool. They should be trying to be themselves."

"Oh my god!” Namjoon finally snapped. "I've seen pictures of you in high school. You had
the ugliest punk haircut I've ever seen. Just let them be teenagers. Stop being such a
helicopter parent.”

"That was different," Jin claimed, the slightest wobble entering his voice. "The punk
movement is about being anti-establishment. Not about the rich kids who did it only for the
aesthetic."

"Says the former actuarial scientist," Namjoon rolled his eyes. More gently he added, "Let
the kids live their life, honey. You can't protect them forever.”

"You know the next things kids do when they start their rebellious phase after questionable
fashion changes and hobbies with a sense of danger is weed and alcohol,” Jin couldn’t help
but add. “I don’t think those kids at the park are the best crowd.” Taehyung especially was at
a vulnerable age. Though his biological parents might serve as a cautionary tale all it could
take was one drink at some party to send his life spiraling down the same dark path.
 He braced himself for another lecture from Namjoon about how he was being overbearing –
and he knew he was. He knew he couldn’t and shouldn’t try to control their decisions and
could only point them in the right direction but it was so hard to reign himself in when the
odds were already stacked against his kids. Namjoon’s eyes however, had turned
contemplative. "We probably should have a talk with Tae and Kook separately about
substance abuse before school starts again.”
They had the conversation before, mostly a gentle explanation that given their families'
histories of substance abuse it was especially dangerous for them. A more explicit reminder
now that they were older couldn't hurt. They couldn’t control them. They shouldn’t control
them. They could only point them in the right direction.

Chapter End Notes

Almost 200k words! Thanks for coming along with the journey, I think only a couple
more chapters left.
 Chapter 39
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes

“Looking good there, bud,” Namjoon said as Jungkook hopped off the barber chair.

He could tell Jungkook was trying to play it cool as he rolled his eyes but there was the flush
in his cheeks and the corners of his lips twitched upwards.

“You look cool JK,” Tae echoed. Jungkook held his chin higher.

Namjoon smiled. Even if Jungkook would probably look back and cringe at himself in a few
years, he deserved to feel good about his appearance for once. Namjoon had made it his
personal mission to try and boost Jungkook’s self-esteem with external factors as much as he
could before the school year began. True self-esteem could only come from within but a new
backpack, clothes, and haircut could go a long way.

“Thanks dad,” Jungkook said.

“Yeah, thanks dad,” Taehyung repeated.

“No problem boys. Alright, let’s head back so we don’t miss dinner.”

Jungkook and Taehyung admired themselves in every reflective surface on the way back to
the car, their strutting and preening reminding him of two roosters.

---

Jin made sure to hide his distaste as Taehyung and Jungkook swaggered in with their new
back-to-school haircuts, swarming to the table where he and the rest of the kids were setting
it for dinner. Jungkook sported an undercut with a couple lines shaved into the side while Tae
had gone full mohawk. He fought back a wince.

“Wow, look at you too,” he said.

Taehyung rolled his eyes for no reason. “I want to gauge my ears,” his son announced.

“Where did my sweet little boy whose hair I used to cut over the kitchen sink go?” Jin
lamented. Namjoon smirked from where he towered behind the two boys.

“Jimin still has a nerdy haircut,” Tae said, flicking the fringe of his mohawk to the side even
though it fell right back into his eyes.

“Hey!” Jimin snapped where he already sat, posture perfect, patiently waiting for the rest of
the family to join. With his chubby cheeks, bowl cut, and thick square-framed glasses he did
look a bit nerdy. And it was adorable.
“Tae, be nice,” Namjoon admonished, clapping a hand on his shoulder as he walked by to sit
down at his own place.

“If Tae gets gauges I also want my ears pierced,” Jungkook piped up.

“I’m gonna dye a streak of my hair purple too,” Tae announced.

“That’ll look cool,” Jungkook said.

Taehyung puffed up with pride, he thrived off of Jungkook’s adoration of him. Questionable
aesthetic choices aside, Jin was glad at how good they were getting along. It was almost like
old times.

“You guys are dumb,” Jimin mumbled.

“Jimin,” Namjoon warned.

Hoseok and Yoongi rolled their eyes but didn’t contribute to the conversation. Now that
everyone was seated, they started to pass the dishes clockwise around the table as everyone
served themselves. It wasn’t the healthiest meal – fried chicken – but it was Yoongi’s ‘last
supper’ so to speak, and Jin had allowed him to choose the menu. Jin skipped the mac and
cheese but took a few pieces of fried chicken for himself.

“Everyone has to have a portion of salad tonight,” Jin ordered.

“So Yoongi, what are you most excited about for your apartment?” Namjoon asked.

Tomorrow they were renting a U-haul and bringing all of his stuff over to his new place.

“Not having to share everything with everyone,” Yoongi mumbled. Steam rose from the dish
of mac and cheese as he spooned some into his plate.

“You still have roommates you need to share with,” Namjoon reminded. “You need to be a
good roommate.”

“Oh my god, I know. I’m not dumb!”

“I can’t wait to have the whole room to myself,” Hoseok chirped.

“Okay, well what are you going to miss?” Jin asked. He glanced at Jungkook, relieved to see
he had taken generous portions of chicken, salad, and mac and cheese for himself.

“Nothing.”

“Not even Jemma and Binky?” Jungkook asked around a mouthful of chicken, looking
personally offended Yoongi wouldn’t mention the pets.

“No, they smell and leave hair everywhere.”

“They don’t like you either!” Jungkook retorted. A few bits of chewed chicken and grease
spewed from his mouth.

“Hey, hey, let’s all get along. And Kook don’t talk with your mouth fuIl. It’s Yoongi’s last
dinner here for a while,” Namjoon said. “Let’s have a nice time.”

“He can barely cook, he’s probably gonna be here tomorrow night,” Hoseok said.

“No I’m not!”

Jin sighed, half-amused and half-irritated. Teenagers. It had been naïve to think the dinner
would without its usual bickering. Even if no one showed it, he knew the kids would miss
Yoongi and vice versa. And he wasn’t moving very far so he probably would drop by for
dinner pretty often. Not that he minded. He was relieved that Jungkook was taking it well.
Inside, Jin was his own sentimental mess, as gooey as the mac and cheese.

“Okay, Yoongi’s clearly not in the mood for talking, so who’s looking forward to going back
to school?” Namjoon asked.

There was a chorus of groans around the table.

“It’s gonna suck but at least I got a car now,” Hoseok said. With Yoongi moving out and
taking his car with him it would be a logistical nightmare to try and shuttle the kids around
without him. Since three out of four of the rest of the kids were driving now anyways they
had caved. Namjoon and Hoseok had spent weeks over the summer scouring Craigslist ads
for a cheap, used vehicle. They ended up getting lucky with a neighbor down the street who
gave them a great deal on a small car. Though they were paying for it, Hoseok had become
wildly possessive over the old vehicle.

“You have to let your brothers use it too when they need it for their extracurriculars,” Jin
reminded.

“As long as they don’t wreck it,” Hobi sniffed.

“I’m a better driver than you!” Jimin said.

“Nuh-uh, you failed your driver’s test twice!”

“Only because I was nervous!”

“Boys,” Namjoon said wearily.

“Can we come visit you in your apartment?” Taehyung interrupted, turning towards Yoongi, a
thin layer of grease coating his chin from the chicken. He wiped it away with his black
sleeve.

“Tae, use a napkin,” Jin reminded.

“No only Jungkook can come because you two are annoying and I’m sick of seeing Hobi,”
Yoongi said.
Everyone started arguing at once and Jin met Namjoon’s eyes across the table. His husband
gave a helpless shrug and fond eye roll. Teenagers.

---

Even though Jungkook didn’t need to be at school until 11a.m., it was best to get him on a
schedule. Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays he would have his class at school and then
later in the afternoon would be his therapy. The group session was ninety minutes long on
Monday and he would have two individual sessions with Jamie for an hour each on
Wednesdays and Fridays.

“Fulltime school would be a big step,” Jamie had cautioned. “And when he starts the DBT
program sometime in the fall, it’ll also eat up a big chunk of his time and energy. It’s
probably an equivalent workload to at least one or two classes. You have to accept that at
this point in time Jungkook is not going to be able to keep up with his peers at this point.
Socially or academically.”

The DBT program started in two weeks, near the end of September, for which Jin was
relieved so Jungkook wouldn’t have to adjust to both things at once.

Jin had a lot of hope in the program but he couldn’t help but worry about how small
Jungkook looked amongst his brothers as they bickered at the dining table while they ate
their breakfast. He had been putting on weight but if anything the extra fat made him look
even younger and more vulnerable, filling up his cheeks to be as round as Jimin’s.

Jungkook had made it clear he did not want to go to school, no matter how part-time it was.
Little did he know that Jin just as strongly wanted to shelter and keep him home too. He
didn’t ever want to force Jungkook to do anything that scared or made him uncomfortable
again. After what he went through he didn’t deserve any more challenges. The rational part of
him knew overprotectiveness was bad in the long term and, trauma or not, getting out of
one’s comfort zone was part of life. In fact, he couldn’t protect any of their kids from the hurt
of the outside world. Such was the hardship of being a parent. Regardless of his or
Jungkook’s own reservations, it was obvious Jungkook had made great strides. Merely being
moody about school was a decidingly normal reaction, unlike the explosive anger and
tantrum-like meltdowns he’d had in the not-so-distant past.

Hoseok drove Tae and Jimin to school at 7:45A.M. while Jungkook moped around the house
until the clock neared 11.

He got in the car without any fuss and was silent on the short drive to the high school.
Slouched in his seat with a sour scowl, Jungkook was the poster-child of a petulant teen. The
car slowed to a halt where it rumbled as it stalled in front of the school.

“It’s going to be okay Kookie. Mia will go with you to class and then after lunch Hobi will
drive you home during his free period.”

Jungkook slouched down even further, to a point where it made Jin’s own spine twinge in
discomfort.
“It’s just a couple hours and then you’ll be home again.”

The school bell tolled and students burst from their classrooms, and the school became a
beehive of activity, everyone in a rush to get to their next class.

“Go on Kook, didn’t Mia say she’ll meet you on the steps?”

“Okay, okay!” Jungkook snapped but his gaze was fearful as he eyed the building. Then Mia
appeared out of the front door and Jungkook relaxed. He opened the car door and slung his
backpack over one shoulder.

“Bye, I love you,” Jin called. He thought Jungkook would ignore him but his son paused.

“Love you too.” And then he was power walking towards Mia and the school entrance like
his life depended on it.

---

The class was the easy part. On the first day the teachers just droned on and on about the
syllabus anyways. It was lunchtime Jungkook worried about. He glanced up at the clock for
the hundredth time. Only five more minutes. He fidgeted with his eraser.

Mia was whisper-chatting away next to him, having already befriended their table partners.
What if she ditched him for them?

The bell chimed for lunch and Jungkook had just about decided to run off and eat lunch in the
bathroom like the losers in the movies until Mia tapped his shoulder. Their table partners had
already abandoned their seats and hustled out of the room.

“Ready?”

“Yeah,” he said and scooped his meager belongings back into his backpack.

The art teacher, a middle-aged woman with round glasses and a fluffy cream cardigan gave
him a smile that seemed a bit too sincere and gentle. His dads had told him they made the
school ‘aware of his situation’, whatever that meant. They assured him he was allowed to
excuse himself to the nurses office whenever with no questions asked but he should only do
so if he really needed to.

Jungkook returned the teacher’s smile, albeit weakly, and then followed after Mia through the
hallways to the cafeteria, keeping his head down but still scanning for anyone he used to
know. There were a lot of familiar faces from middle school but no one paid him any mind,
either not recognizing him or not caring.

Luckily, they found an unoccupied table in the corner of the cafeteria and it turned out most
of Mia’s friends were almost as quiet as him. She liked to be the de-facto leader in any
situation which was often annoying but it seemed the introverts flocked to her, content to
listen while she was content to talk. It was a bit embarrassing being the only boy in the group
but nobody made any comments or brought up his past even though he had had a few classes
with some of the girls in middle school.
That being said, Jungkook couldn’t wait to get out of there and as soon as the bell rang
Jungkook shot to his feet. “Okay, I gotta go, see you Wednesday.”

“What class do you have next?” asked Emily, a girl who had been sitting to his right. He
vaguely remembered having biology with here during the first semester of eighth grade
before he moved to his father’s.

“Oh, uh, I just do online classes. I only come for art.”

“Oh, nice. By the way, your boots are cool.”

By some miracle, he had convinced Joon to get him a pair of actual Dr. Martens a couple
weeks ago.

“When you outgrow them, give them to Jimin,” his dad had said. Jimin had been furious at
the comment.

“Oh, thanks,” he said awkwardly, his face turning red hot. “Okay, bye,” he said again and
whirled around. He fumbled for his phone to text Hobi as he power-walked out of the
cafeteria, weaving and side stepping around other students.

Jungkook: where are u? im done

“JK?”

Jungkook gulped and lifted his nose from his phone.

“Oh, Jake. Hey.”

“I wasn’t sure if you were coming back to school,” his former best friend said.

“Yeah,” Jungkook said lamely, his brain short-circuiting.

“So,” Jacob continued and it already sounded stiff and awkward even though they used to get
along so easily. “Were you at another middle school last year?”

“No,” Jungkook said, already feeling his defensive barriers rising. “I just did online.”

“But you…didn’t you come back like last fall right? To your foster-parents..I mean parents’
house? At the beginning of last school year?” Jacob pressed. Jungkook could hear the
underlying uncertainty in his voice.

Jungkook looked at the scuff marks that had already accumulated on his boots from trips to
the skate park with Tae. He shifted half of a spork that littered the linoleum floor from side to
side with his right foot. “Yeah, I dunno, it was just easier to do online. Because it would be
weird to change schools again,” Jungkook said trying to sound casual. He had actually spent
months trying to come up with a good reason to explain why he never returned to the middle
school his friends were at after getting dumped back into foster care but he never did.
“What is your class schedule? Maybe we have some together this year. Are you in Honors
algebra? Whose your English teacher?”

“Actually…actually I’m not doing honor’s classes this year. Um, I’m doing online again. I
only came here for an elective class.”

The noise from the bustle of students as they rushed around them heightened the awkward,
prolonged silence between them as he sensed the gears whirring in Jake’s head.

“Are you gonna do soccer this year?” his friend eventually asked.

“No, I’m too busy,” Jungkook said. Another thing he didn’t have an excuse for.

“But you’re not in any honors classes…” Jacob said slowly.

“I have, like, family stuff and other things,” Jungkook mumbled.

“Jungkook…” He winced at the formality of Jake using his full name. “I know we haven’t,
like, hung out for a long time but you know you can talk to me right? If you want to?” His
friend wasn’t usually so serious. They talked about sports and the Marvel universe and video
games. They complained about their siblings, parents, coaches, and teachers.

“There’s not much to say, I’m just busy is all,” Jungkook mumbled.

He could feel Jacob’s concerned and hurt gaze lingering on him a moment longer. “Alright,”
his friend eventually said. “The junior varsity team is gonna suck without you.”

“I’m really sorry. Maybe next year.”

It wasn’t a total lie. Jungkook did plan to be around next year which was more than he
could’ve hoped for even only months ago. Maybe next year he would do fulltime in-person
school. Yet right now and for the forseeable future, soccer and his friendship with Jacob was
something that was tainted for him. It wasn’t soccer or Jacob’s fault but they represented the
old him. The him that had been destroyed forever. The new him couldn’t relate to his friend
and Honor’s classes and extracurriculars. But maybe he could in the future. Maybe next year.

---

Hoseok fought to keep a straight face as he saw his two brothers juxtaposed in the hallway.
Taehyung, long and slender in all black. Jimin short but stocky from dance, hair dyed light
brown with chunky glasses, light-washed jeans and a soft gray striped shirt.

“Jiminie, Taetae, have you seen JK at all?” Hoseok asked as he approached them. “I’m
driving him home.”

Jimin pushed his glasses further up his nose. “No. He’s probably with Mia.”

“I hope he had a good day.”

“He only has to take some stupid art class, how hard could it be?” Taehyung said.
“I don’t think it’s about the class, Tae,” Hobi said. “He’s nervous about seeing people from
his middle school. He doesn’t want people asking him questions.”

“He told you all that?” Tae asked. “He didn’t say anything to me.”

“Because he probably thought you would say he isn’t cool or something if he did,” Hobi said.

“I wouldn’t say that,” Tae mumbled.

“It would be good if you’d let him know,” Hobi advised. “I think it would mean a lot to him
since he’s always following you around.”

“Whatever,” Tae said but Hoseok could see he was mulling it over.

“I know how he feels, I hate how everyone somehow knows we were fosters and probably
makes up dumb tragic backstories in their heads,” Jimin piped up. “Remember Biology
freshman year, Tae? When we had to do that family tree project and when the teacher
announced it she looked at us and said ‘it’s okay if it’s not your biological family’. And then,
like, the whole class stared at us?”

“Yeah, that sucked I guess. But I’m not gonna let anyone start any trash rumor about
Jungkook!”

“I’m sure everyone’s real threatened by you Taetae,” Hobi muttered.

“I have to get to Spanish, tell Kookie I said hi,” Jimin said, dashing off. “See you.”

“Nerd,” Taehyung scoffed under his breath but he started trudging towards the band
department for his own class.

As students filtered past him, Hobi caught sight of Jungkook talking with his friend Jacob
whom he used to hang out with all the time. They wrapped up their conversation and he
caught Jungkook’s eye, who rushed over. Jungkook didn’t mention his friend so Hoseok
thought it wise not to bring it up.

“Kookie, how was your day?” he asked instead, slinging an arm around his brother’s
shoulder and leading him towards the exit for student parking.

“Fine, I guess.”

“Make anything cool?”

“We’re going to start with copper-wire sculptures. I don’t know what to make yet though.”

“Maybe you could make Yoongi something. I’m sure his new apartment could use more
decoration.”

Jungkook hummed. Hoseok squeezed him a little tighter.

---
Jungkook padded upstairs, trying to distract from the nerves of his first group session for the
DBT program Jamie enrolled him in. He felt untethered, the tips of his fingers almost numb
like they did when he had that low-grade anxiety that threatened to swell into a panic attack.
Everything was changing lately.

First, he walked to the end of the hallway where Hobi and Yoongi’s room – or now just
Hobi’s room – was. He practiced his breathing exercises as he peeked inside. His brother had
moved the bed to the center of the room but otherwise had left his furniture in the same spot
it had been before Yoongi left. It looked empty without all of Yoongi’s wires and music
equipment in addition to Hoseok’s stringent level of tidiness. His oldest brother had only left
behind his guitar where it sat in its same place on the wall hook Namjoon had installed years
ago. Yoongi claimed the apartment walls were thin so he didn’t feel comfortable playing it
there. Although he had warned them to not mess with it, it looked like Hoseok had already
vandalized it with some stickers, mostly of some chibi-coffee characters his friends had given
him as a joke since he worked at Starbucks but there was also one of a logo of some indie
Korean band Yoongi and Hobi listened to but Jungkook could never get into.

Then he walked back down the hall, past his own room to Jimin and Tae’s. Unlike Hoseok’s
impeccable organization, both sides of the bedroom were messy and unorganized, the beds
unmade and school supplies scattered haphazardly across their desks. The only thing Jimin
kept neat was a Pinterest-esque slew of photos plastered across the wall above his bed. It was
mostly stuff of his dance team and their family. Getting closer, Jungkook noticed a photo he
had never seen before and he wondered if his brother had recently put it up. Only he and
Jimin were in the photo and Jungkook couldn’t have been older than five or six. They were
squashed together on Namjoon’s armchair in the living room. His own arms were wrapped
around a now lost Winnie-the-Pooh plushie while Jimin’s pudgy arms were hugging him, his
cheeks squished upwards in an impish grin.

Jungkook turned away from the photos to look at Tae’s side of the bedroom. Taehyung had
taken down most of his childhood memorabilia. The wall above his bed was mostly blank
now except for some poster his friend had given him of a band Jungkook had never heard of
and pretty sure Taehyung didn’t listen to. His bed was chronically unmade but it seemed a bit
too lumpy for just a comforter. Suspicious, Jungkook peeled back the blanket to find a
Chikorita plushie bundled up in the mess despite his brother’s loud and pointed
announcement the other week that he was too old to sleep with toys anymore. It made him
feel better about the small army of stuffed animals on his own bed. It felt like his fingers were
getting some feeling back. He took another purposeful deep breath.

He backtracked to his own room. It was messy like Jimin and Tae’s but not as bad as it had
been. Jemma was curled up on his bed, blending into the row of plushies, including his bear,
that lined the edge. There was a stack of sheet music on his desk that Yoongi had transcribed
for him of some of his favorite songs. It was a parting gift from his brother but somehow also
a threat – Yoongi demanded he start playing his guitar again. Though his desk could use
some rearranging, his floor was clean for once. His dad had been picking up after him until
recently. It had annoyed him for a long time, like his dad was always getting into his business
and subtly criticizing him, but once he got the energy to do it himself he realized it was just
Jin helping him out and that he felt a million times better when he could pull fresh clothes
from his dresser rather than picking through a musty-smelling crumpled pile of laundry on
the floor. Joon had bought him new clothes recently and he had been careful to wash and fold
them so they’d look good for school and his group therapy.

He felt a bit better.

“Jungkook?” his dad’s voiced called from downstairs. “We need to head out!”

“Coming!”

He gave Jemma a hasty scratch and hurried down the stairs, hyperaware of the various
portraits of his family lining the walls as if the past versions of everyone were watching him.
He wondered if they’d be proud or embarrassed of him.

“All ready?” Jin asked, keys in his hand.

He wrung his hands and scuffed the floor with his socked foot. He shrugged.

“Maybe you’ll make some friends,” his dad said.

Yeah, like he would want to be friends with anyone there. They would just be a bunch of
weirdos.

“I don’t want to be friends with crazy people.”

At this, Jin turned around and knelt down in front of him.

“Honey, I know you’re scared but this is going to be a good thing for you. But you have to
put the effort in and keep an open mind. Can you do that for me?”

“Y-yeah. I know. I want to do it.” He meant it. But it didn’t mean he had to become best
friends with all the other people there.

“I’m so proud of you.” His dad squeezed his shoulder before standing up to retrieve his
shoes. “And this evening we’re all going to go out for dinner. Yoongi said there’s a good
Korean place near his apartment he wants us to try.”

“Oh, nice. Someone in my art class said the school is going to offer Korean next year.
Chinese and Japanese too. Maybe…maybe I’ll take it.”

“Wow, that would be amazing. I hope Tae and Jimin take it as well.”

“Then we can all go on a trip to Korea!” Jungkook said, excited about all the possibilities. He
tried not to dwell on the fact that Jimin had been in Spanish for two years and could barely
string two words together.

“Whoa, let’s slow down there Kookie. One day at a time.”

Jungkook finished lacing his boots and grabbed his bag from on top of the shoe rack that
contained his therapy workbook, a journal, and writing utensils. He zipped out the front door
 into the weakening light of summer’s end and turned back to look at his dad who was lacing
up his own shoes, painstakingly slow.

“Oh my god, hurry up! We’re gonna be late!”

Chapter End Notes

Happy 2023!

Maybe a surprise that this fic is finished. Despite the length, there were still things I
wanted to address but over the last few months I really feel like it lost its momentum so
I plan to tie things up better and/or elaborate on certain elements in the sequel. When
writing a story about such severe abuse and complex mental health issues, there is no
way to do these topics and their aftermath justice in the timespan of this story which was
only a year. So I hope you see this as more a jumping off point than the end.

The sequel features a time skip and we will see the brothers’ viewpoints and interactions
more often – one thing this story sorely lacked. It will also go more into the characters’
lives without their plotlines solely being reactionary to Jungkook’s (though JK is still the
main character so there will still be a lot of things revolving around only him).

Ultimately, this story was a really long character study. I’m satisfied to an extent
because I always wanted to write a longer story but I do think some parts came across as
quantity over quality. Thanks for reading and I hope you join me for the sequel!
 Sequel

Hi, since I didn't make this work into series until after it was finished, I'm just letting you
know I've started publishing the sequel in case you weren't subscribed but interested in
reading it. Take a look if you like!
Please drop by the Archive and comment to let the creator know if you enjoyed their work!