Sword of the Bastard Elf Item List

+1 Ring of the Silver- If you lose this ring or discard it then

Junk
manes turn to 297.

Ther e’s something wrong with whoever rigged

+3 Loaded Dice of these dice. Discard to re-roll any or all of your
Junk
“The Mark” dice in a single roll, but only if they rolled 4 or
higher. Second roll stands.

Add 30 to the number of the paragraph you’re on,

10-Foot then turn to that paragraph. If the entry you’re
file
Junk
Dungeoneering Pole reading makes sense then keep reading, if not
turn back to the original paragraph.
le

You can’t wield the magicks of this staffb ut it has

Aggie’s Staff
mp

Equip a cool intimidating skull on it. All enemies have

-1 DIFFICULTY for the fir st round of combat.
Sa

Air Scepter Junk -

A sweet, poisonous substance which ants fin d

Ant Rid Junk irresistible, and deadly.
Rid-Ants: Get Rid of Them!

Musical instrument. +5 ÉLAN in musical

The Axe of the
Equip HASSLES, +1 ÉLAN in all other HASSLES, +10
Bastard Elf
MAX EFFORT.

Azari PCS with

4000-in-1 games Junk -
cartridge

Baby Rukh Junk -

Bag of Child Bones Junk -

If you take damage roll a die. On a 6 the barrel

Barrel Equip absorbs all the damage but disintegrates and must
be discarded.

You’re not sure this thing has ever been sharp.

+1 ÉLAN outside of combat only.
Bastard Sword Combine with Sword of the Elf Bastard or
Equip
of the Elf Calibur to form the Sword of the Bastard Elf. Com-
bine with Idle Hands or the Fender Lute to form
the Axe of the Bastard Elf.

It’s comfy, but something’s wrong...

Bathrobe Equip Counts as a cloak. Protects you and all items
from effects of corrosion. -5 max EFFORT.
file
You’d have to be in desperate danger to root
Better Bones
around in this mighty tome of insane magicks.
& Junk
Can only be used in combat - turn to 1447 to leaf
Graveyards
le

through it for a “hail mary”.

mp

Discard to restore 10 EFFORT and counts as a

Big Rock Goblin night’s sleep. If you see the words “got a lot of
Junk
Mountain Oyster balls” in the text then you can add 23 to the para-
Sa

graph number and turn to that paragraph.

Bilgeton
Equip +5 max Effort
Championship Belt

It’s covered in your blood but still counts as a

Bloody Dulcimer Equip
musical instrument.

It’s just booze. Discard to get drunk (-1 ÉLAN

Blue Pot Junk
until you next rest).

The secrets in this book claw at the back of your

Book of
mind, begging you to just take a peek. Ever para-
Unknowable Junk
graph you turn to costs 1 EFFORT until you give
Secrets
in and turn to 573 to open the book.

If you win a round of combat against an Elf then

Boots of Elfish
Equip gain back half the EFFORT expended, rounding
Stomping
down to the nearest whole number.
 Discard to get drunk (-1 ÉLAN until you
Bottle of Booze Junk
next rest)

Discard to restore 5 EFFORT and add the Milk-

Bottle of Milk Junk
man’s Calling Card to your LOOT.

Once per day restore 5 EFFORT at the cost of 1

Bottomless Thermos ÉLAN, or discard to throw at an enemy in com-
Junk
of Scalding Soup bat or in a musical battle and remove all FISTS
from that opponent for one round.

+1 ÉLAN outside of combat. -1 ÉLAN in combat

Bow of the Wood Equip but restore 1 EFFORT for each round of combat
where you spent any EFFORT and won.

Discard an item or 5 Guilders to gain 1 FIST for a

round. Every time you rest she will steal a JUNK
Brenda Junk
item from you assuming you have any - remove
file
one from your LOOT.

Brunnenfeld
le

Equip +5 max EFFORT.

Championship Belt
mp

Can’t be discarded. +1 FIST but all HASSLES

Butthead Junk
now count as MULTIPLE HASSLES.
Sa

+1 ÉLAN, +1 FIST.
Calibur Equip Combine with the Bastard Sword of the Elf to form
the Sword of the Bastard Elf.

Smells horrible but it’s a good conversation start-

Cape Made of
Equip er. HASSLES involving humans
Elf Skins
are -1 DIFFICULTY.

Restore 5 extra EFFORT whenever you regain

Cast Iron Skillet Equip EFFORT from rest. Combine with the Giant Bird
Egg to make the Gigantic Fried Egg.

Might make a nice helmet, if you can see out of it.

Chamber Pot Equip
+1 ÉLAN in combat, -1 FIST outside of combat.

The head feels a bit loose. In combat: -2 ÉLAN,

+1 damage to TOUGHNESS. If you roll a 6 on
Cheap Halberd Equip
your FIST dice it breaks at the end of the round
and must be discarded.
 Clapped-Out
Junk -
Old Nag

+1 to your FIST rolls if neither you nor your

Class Ring Equip
opponent are armed.

Cockeye Junk -

+1 ÉLAN. Can’t be voluntarily discarded, sold or

Confessor’s Shovel Equip
given away. Should you lose it, turn to 207.

Musical instrument. +1 ÉLAN in musical HAS-

Cornamuse Equip
SLES.

A very obsolete shirt of heavy armour. Every

file
action which costs any EFFORT costs 2 more
Creaking Maille Equip EFFORT. If you are injured from any source roll a
die: on a 3 or higher the Maille protects you and
le

you take no damage.

mp

+2 ÉLAN first round of combat only. Undead

Crowing Club Equip HASSLES have -2 DIFFICULTY. Can’t be dis-
carded until the text says so.
Sa

+1 ÉLAN. If you lose a round of combat and you

Crystal Spectacles Equip have a 1 on any FIST dice, they are smashed,
unless you’re equipped with a ranged weapon.

Cut Purse Junk Discard to gain 5 Guilders.

+1 FIST. Can’t be worn with any armour, helmet

or shield.
Dapper Garb Equip
Combine with Full Harness of Goblin, Shining
Brass or Steel Plate to form Imposing Attire.

+1 FIST in all conversational HASSLES.

Debaucherous Hat Equip Combine with the Magnificent Outfit to form the
Resplendent Regalia.

Dented Helm Equip +1 ÉLAN in combat, -1 ÉLAN out of combat.

 Discard to avoid the CONSEQUENCE of losing a
Detachable Tail Junk
round or fleeing combat entirely.

Use to force MULTIPLE HASSLES to attack

you one at a time: they are dealt with as single
Dire Wolf Junk HASSLES in turn. Each turn the Dire Wolf causes
this effect, roll a die. On a 1 or 2 he gets himself
killed and must be discarded.

The poor animal this belonged to wasn’t too

bright but it always tried hard, and maybe wear-
Dire Wolf Cloak Equip ing its skin has made it rub off on you. Or maybe
it’s just the blood oozing from this uncured hide.
-1 ÉLAN, +5 max EFFORT.

Dragon Balls Junk -

Band member. +1 FIST in musical HASSLES.

Keep this FIST die aside - if you roll 5 or 6 then
file
Dwarfen Troupe Junk
roll it again and add the result to the first roll to
find your FIST score.
le

Discard to gain +1 ÉLAN until next rest, or

Eagle Eye Junk
+2 ÉLAN when using a ranged weapon.
mp

The foul odour of civilisation that humans crave.

Eau de Bilge Junk Discard to deduct 2 from the DIFFICULTY of a
Sa

HASSLE involving a human or humans.

Elf Bastard Junk -

-1 ÉLAN in combat.
Elfen Dagger Equip
Re-roll a FIST dice once per HASSLE.

Discard to roll a die, adding 2 to the roll if this is

the ration you started the game with.
Elfen Ration Junk
On a roll of 1-3 turn to 658. On 4-6 turn to 1092.
On 7 or more turn to 1348.

Elfen Secret Discard when eating a food item to double its

Junk
Herbs and Spices effects.

You think it looks “dashing”. +1 ÉLAN for any

Elfish Cloak
Equip HASSLE involving hiding, running away or
of Invisibility
sneaking around.
 Elfish Prodigy Junk Band member. + 3 ÉLAN in musical HASSLES.

Can stand in for any item

Enchanted Tools Junk
when crafting clothing or hats.

Enough Rope Junk -

All HASSLES are +1 DIFFICULTY while you’re

Esky Full of lugging it around.
Junk
Cold Ones Discard to get very drunk: -2 ÉLAN until
next rest but restore 10 EFFORT.
file
Rusty and blunt but still better than most elf
Excalibur Equip
swords. +1 ÉLAN.
le

An elf must-have. Discard to get 1 extra FIST for

Extra Buckles Junk
mp

one round.

Called “Hann” or something.

Sa

Can’t be discarded and disables all magic items

you might have. No magical effects function -
Fairy Junk
you can safely remove cursed items and not turn
to the pages they indicate. You may no longer
read spells off scrolls or invoke magical powers.

Works fine on most other living things too. Dis-

Fairy Repellent Junk card to reduce the DIFFICULTY of all enemies in
a combat HASSLE by 1.

Discard during a multiple HASSLE to not have to

Familiar Cat Junk
re-roll your FIST dice for one round.

Discard to restore 20 EFFORT, but you will deal

Feewald Cake Junk with the next HASSLE at -1 ÉLAN because you
are stuffed with chocolate.

Feewald It’s more like a ring than a belt.

Equip
Championship Belt +5 max EFFORT.
 You can check out the Feewald Map on page 68
Feewald Map Junk
if you’re ever feeling lost.

+3 ÉLAN in musical HASSLES, +1 ÉLAN in

other non-combat HASSLEs.
Fender Lute Equip
Can combine with the Sword of the Elf Bastard to
form the Axe of the Bastard Elf.

Flagon of Ant Goo Junk -

+1 ÉLAN in conversational HASSLES.

Fly Hat Equip Combine with Great Feather to make the
Foppish Hat.

+1 ÉLAN.
Combine with Gold Crown or Massive Helmet to
Foppish Hat Equip
form Debaucherous Hat. Combine with Imposing
Attire to make the Magnificent Outfit.
file
Can’t be worn with a helmet. Covers up
Frill Neck Equip Skull Mark on chin if equipped.
Craft with Padded Vest to form Dapper Garb.
le
mp

Full Harness of
Goblin Plate
- It doesn’t fit.
Full Harness of
Sa

Junk
Shining Brass Plate Combine any Full Harness of Plate with
- Dapper Garb to form Imposing Attire.
Full Harness of
Steel Plate

Discard to restore 5 EFFORT.

Giant Bird Egg Junk Combine with Cast Iron Skillet to make the
Gigantic Fried Egg.

Giant Drumstick Junk Discard to restore 10 EFFORT.

Discard to gain 5 max EFFORT

Gigantic Fried Egg Junk
and restore 20 EFFORT.

Glorious Vessel Junk -

 Glowing Jar Junk Discard to retrieve the Pickle.

Each time you win a round of a HASSLE

Gnome Hat Equip where you spent at least some EFFORT,
regain 1 EFFORT.

Gobholme
Equip +5 max EFFORT.
Championship Belt

+2 ÉLAN in conversational HASSLES. Discard to

chuck it into your cash pile - gain 10 Guilders. It
Gold Crown Equip cannot be retrieved once you’ve done this.
Can be combined with the Foppish Hat to
form the Debaucherous Hat.

Just enough juice for one game...

The Golem Entertainment System can be con-
trolled to stand in for you for one entire HASSLE.
Golem
file
You will regain any EFFORT you used during the
Entertainment Junk
HASSLE afterwards, when
System
you discard the Golem. If you are reduced to
0 EFFORT during the HASSLE, you will
le

die as normal.
mp

-1 FIST. Getting rid of GRANDMA will take a

night of terrifying introspection - you will not
GRANDMA Junk
rest that night or regain any EFFORT but you
Sa

may discard GRANDMA.

Great Feather Junk Combine with Fly Hat to create Foppish Hat.

A medieval first aid kit. Hopefully healthier than

it smells.
Healthy Poultice Junk
Discard to regain 1 point of ÉLAN
lost to an injury.

Trigger action’s too heavy for you, let alone that

Heavy Crossbow Equip winch. Use as a club in combat: +1 ÉLAN first
round, -1 to FIST rolls second round onwards.

-2 ÉLAN while you’re carrying the HP

Heavy Packs Junk
around for your lady friend.

Heirloom Sword Equip +1 ÉLAN.

 No EFFORT is expended in hassles where the
Heroic Cloak of
Equip enemy is described as scared, terrified, wavering,
the Half Elf
fleeing or the like.

You can hardly lift the thing but the sight of

you waving it around is terrifying. -2 ÉLAN but
Heroic Sword Equip
enemies can only ever attack you one at a time:
no more MULTIPLE HASSLES.

HASSLES related to climbing, balancing,

Hiking Boots Equip swimming and getting onto horseback have -1
DIFFICULTY.

First round of combat only - 2 DIFFICULTY. -1

Humanhide Whip Equip
FIST for rest of combat.

+3 ÉLAN in musical HASSLES, +1 ÉLAN in

combat HASSLES. Once you’ve won this you can
Idle Hands Equip take it as one of your starting items.
file
Combine with Sword of the Elf Bastard to form
The Axe of the Bastard Elf.
le

+1 ÉLAN, +1 FIST.
mp

Imposing Attire Equip Combine with the Mighty Codpiece or the

Foppish Hat to create the Magnificent Outfit.
Sa

If you tie a combat round you can discard this

Ink Pouch Junk to make it a win. Regain half the EFFORT you
spend in the round back, rounding down.

If you’re “down” to smoke a “doobie” then turn

Interesting Herbs Junk
to 420, the funny weed number.

The lich’s wand commands a terrible price. Lose

10 max EFFORT to deduct 1 FIST from an oppo-
Ivory Wand Junk
nent during a HASSLE. Do not discard the wand.
Both changes are permanent.

+1 FIST, -5 EFFORT restored due to rest because

Joe Louis Junk
he won’t stop pestering you to train.

Can equip in arms or on back.

If equipped in arms: can’t also equip a weapon. When-
ever you’re hurt roll a die. On 4+ disregard the injury.
Knightly Shield Equip If on back: can wield a weapon. The 4+ rule only ap-
plies for injuries incurred fleeing from combat.
Whether equipped in arms or back, any action that
costs EFFORT costs 1 additional EFFORT.
 Knuckledusters Equip -1 DIFFICULTY if opponent is unarmed.

Large Calamari Junk Discard to restore 10 EFFORT.

-1 ÉLAN for wearing something so embarrassing.

If you’re fighting an opponent with a
Lavender Bleggings Equip skull mark next to the HASSLE, it gets -1 FISTS
or -2 DIFFICULTY if it has no FISTS. Can’t be
worn under clothes - it’s a top layer.

Leg of Moth Junk Discard to restore 5 EFFORT.

Discard to prevent another item from being

file
Lich’s Loofah Junk corroded or to prevent a single injury from
corrosion.

When the book tells you to pick a number of

le

Lorewardening Key Equip items from a list, you can pick one extra item
(except for the choice on paragraph 1).
mp

-1 ÉLAN. Re-roll any FIST rolls of 1 in combat.

Sa

Magical Pick Equip

Second roll stands even if it’s another 1.

+2 ÉLAN, +1 FISTS, +10 max EFFORT.

Combine with the Ultimate Codpiece or the
Magnificent Outfit Equip
Debaucherous Hat to form the Resplendent
Regalia.

Manly Hairs Junk Can’t be discarded.

A very dangerous thing to swing around. -3

ÉLAN in combat, -1 ÉLAN out of combat. If you
Manticore Tail Equip hit an opponent you will kill it instantly. If you
roll 2 ones on your FIST dice with this equipped
you trip and fall on it, dying instantly.

You can freely investigate the item list or item

Marked Cards Junk cards whenever you want, even while deciding on
which items you want to pick up.
 +1 ÉLAN in combat, -1 out of combat.
Massive Helmet Equip Can be combined with the Foppish Hat to
make the Debaucherous Hat.

Meat Junk Discard to restore 10 EFFORT.

Each time you rest you can restore 5 less EFFORT

Medical Diploma Junk and instead restore 1 ÉLAN or 1 FIST lost to an
injury.

Mediocre Codpiece Junk Combine with Padre’s Cassock or

Soiled Gambeson to form Dapper Garb.
file
Combine with Imposing Attire to form
Mighty Codpiece Junk
Magnificent Outfit.
le
mp

Milkman’s Calling -
Junk
Card
Sa

Very now. +1 to conversational HASSLES

Mink Stole Equip
involving humans in Bilgeton.

Can’t be discarded, sold or otherwise

Moth Eggs Junk
gotten rid of.

Each time you win a round of a HASSLE

Natty Calf Boots Equip where you spent at least some EFFORT,
regain 1 EFFORT.

Combine with the Pixie Skin Cloak to create

Necklace of Elf Ears Junk
the Heroic Cloak of the Half Elf.
The Necromancer’s
Junk -
Undies

Now that you’re married you can finally let your-

Nilde
Wife self go. -1 max and current ÉLAN, +10 max and
Aldrechttochter
current EFFORT.

Noble Steed Junk -

Obscene Monkey Junk -

file
Discard to check a paragraph before you turn to
Owl Eye Junk
it (without being considered a cheat).
le
mp

Owlet Junk -
Sa

Everything that costs 5 or more EFFORT costs

one extra EFFORT. If you’re hurt from any source
Padded Vest Equip roll a die - on a roll of 6 you may ignore the
damage entirely.
Combine with Frill Neck to form Dapper Garb.

HASSLES involving skeletons, magic users and

priests have -1 DIFFICULTY.
Padre’s Cassock Equip
Combine with Mediocre Codpiece to
form Dapper Garb.

Discard to have it count as any item called for

Palavan Army Knife Junk in the text aside from a person, outfit, animal,
residency scroll or calling card.

Good for theatrics. Discard to gain +1 ÉLAN for

Pauper’s Skull Junk
the duration of one HASSLE involving humans.

Discard to restore 5 EFFORT. Cross out a Word

Peach Junk of Power or an item written in ink on your Ad-
venture Scroll.
 Negates the negative effects of being drunk, and
Peculiar Mushrooms Junk adds an extra point of ÉLAN until next morning.
You’re still drunk though.

Pickle Junk Turn to 1673 to consume this delicious snack.

+1 ÉLAN while under the effects of potions.

Pixie Hide Cloak Equip Combine with Necklace of Elf Ears to create
the Heroic Cloak of the Half Elf

A large collection of pixie bits and grindings.

Pixie Bits Junk
Combine with Sugar Sack to create Ant Rid.

Pot of Grubs Junk Discard to restore 5 EFFORT.

file
Discard and suffer -1 ÉLAN for rest of day to roll
Potion Junk on the Potion effects table on page 11.
Combine with Sugar Sack to make Ant Rid.
le
mp

Pouch Full of Shrapnel Junk -

Sa

Discard in combat to reduce one opponent’s

Pub Darts Junk
DIFFICULTY by 1.

Counts as a (gross) musical instrument.

Pukey Pan Flute Equip
-1 ÉLAN.

Regular Shortsword Equip +1 ÉLAN in combat only.

Record in ink on your Adventure Scroll : once

Residency Scroll Junk obtained by any means you will start each
adventure with the Residency Scroll.

+2 FISTS, +2 to all FIST rolls,

Respendent Regalia Equip
+20 max EFFORT

Discard to restore 10 EFFORT but suffer -1

Roast Leg of Person Junk ÉLAN when talking to humans, elfs, dwarfs and
goblins from now on.
 When equipped, discard at any time to gain
Robe and Wizard Hat Equip +1 FIST in a HASSLE involving other
sentient beings.

There’s something disturbing about this slippery,

Rubber “Club” Equip floppy club. Combat HASSLES have -
2 DIFFICULTY first round only.

If you inflict TOUGHNESS damage

Rusty Scythe on an enemy then deduct one point of
Equip
of Scything TOUGHNESS from another enemy in
the fight with equal or less DIFFICULTY.

Turn to 1377 for the brochure which explains

Screaming Skull on
Junk everything you need to know about your
Spider Legs
exciting new travelling companion.

Scroll of Dispel Junk It’s too complicated to read.

file
Discard during a combat HASSLE to reduce an
Scroll of Witherdick Junk
enemy’s FISTS by 1.
le

Has three charges. Use a charge to read a

mp

paragraph before you turn to it - you may choose

Scrying Orb Junk
to turn back to the paragraph from which you
came if you like. Discard when it’s out of charges.
Sa

Can’t be voluntarily discarded. Costs 1 Guilder

each time you turn to a new paragraph. Will
depart as soon as you run out of Guilders. All
Shinsplints Junk HASSLES are -1 DIFFICULTY.
Also counts as a band member - re-roll all 1s
and 2s on your FIST dice in musical HASSLES:
second roll stands.

Signet Ring Junk -

This feels horrible...

Skelehand Equip +1 ÉLAN, -10 max EFFORT. Costs 5 EFFORT to
unequip: discard if you do this.

If you roll a 6 on any of your FIST dice, roll that

Skeleton Friend Junk
dice again and add 6 to the result.

Skellybones Junk -
 If you defeat an enemy in a combat HASSLE
Skull Ring Equip
draw a skull mark next to the HASSLE in ink.

Discard to reduce a combat HASSLE’s

DIFFICULTY by 2, or to destroy any item you’re
Snail Slime Junk carrying or have equipped instantly and without
consequences, even on a page with a check to see
what items you have on you.
Every time you lose at least 1 EFFORT, lose 1
additional EFFORT. If you become injured, roll a
Soiled Gambeson Equip die: on a 5 or 6 ignore the injury.
Combine with Mediocre Codpiece to make the
Dapper Garb.

Staff of Elfen Magick

Equip -1 ÉLAN.
+3

Discard to roll a die and regain

Stale Loaf Junk
that amount of EFFORT.

Your very own copy of Star Bastards from the

acclaimed gamebook author, Herman S. Skull!
file
And at a price you can afford - show the cashier
Star Bastards Wow! at your local Two-Fisted Fantasy stockist your
Adventure Scroll with this item to get 50% off the
cover price of Star Bastards!
le

Valid until December 1985. Participating stores in the Outer Hebrides

(excluding Lewis and Harris, Uist and Benbecula) only
mp

-1 ÉLAN. Re-roll any FIST rolls of 1 in combat.

Sturdy Pick Equip
Second roll stands even if it’s another 1.
Sa

Discard to restore 5 EFFORT.

Sugar Sack Junk Combine with a Potion, Pixie Parts or Trollbräu
to create Ant Rid.

Suspicious Canteen Junk -

You can’t be bothered rolling it back up. Discard

Swag Junk
to double the EFFORT restored during a rest.

+1 FISTS, but keep the extra die aside. If this die

Sweet Belt Equip ever comes up as a 1 the belt slips off and leaves
you for a better owner.

Sword of the
Equip +1 ÉLAN, +1 FISTS, +10 max EFFORT
Bastard Elf
 It’s too heavy for you but looks cool. +1 ÉLAN
out of battle, -2 ÉLAN in battle, does 2 damage to
Sword of the TOUGHNESS on winning a round in
Equip
Elf Bastard combat only.
Combine with the Bastard Sword of the Elf to form
the Sword of the Bastard Elf

SWU Card Junk -

Can equip in arms or on back.

If equipped in arms: can’t also equip a weapon. When-
ever you’re hurt roll a die. On 5+ disregard the injury.
Target Targe Equip If on back: can wield a weapon. The 5+ rule only ap-
plies for injuries incurred fleeing from combat.
Whether equipped in arms or back, any action that
costs 5 or more EFFORT costs 1 additional EFFORT.

Discard to restore 10 EFFORT and remove the

Tasty Burg Junk
negative ÉLAN effects of drunkenness.

Toby the Baby Junk Someone forgot about the babe

file

Incredibly toxic. Discard to get blind drunk:

le

Trollbräu Junk -2 ÉLAN until you next rest.

Can combine with Sugar Sack to make Ant Rid.
mp

-1 ÉLAN for all HASSLES, does 2 TOUGHNESS

Twin Swords
Equip damage to combat HASSLES.
Sa

of Corruption
Costs 5 EFFORT to unequip.

Combine with Magnificent Outfit to form

The Ultimate Codpiece Junk
Resplendent Regalia.

Discard to roll a dice. If odd, lose that amount of

Vegemite Sandwich Junk
EFFORT. If even, gain that amount.

Discard in combat to give one enemy

Weighted Net Junk -2 DIFFICULTY for the duration of
the HASSLE.

Witch’s Broom Equip -1 ÉLAN.

Re-roll a FIST die once per HASSLE. If the result

Worthless Steak Knife Equip of that roll is 1 or 2, the knife breaks and must be
discarded.