The Wizard of Oz
Audition Monologues
Dorothy: Aunt Em! Aunt Em! Just listen to what Miss Gulch
did to Toto. Aunt Em, she hit him and . . .
Oh, but Aunt Em, Miss Gulch hit Toto right over the back with a
rake just because she says he gets into her garden and chases her
nasty old cat. But he doesn’t do it every day, just once or twice a
Week and he can’t catch her old cat anyway. Now she says she’s
going to get the sheriff and . . .
Glinda: Are you a good witch or a bad witch? Or is that the witch? Well,
I’m a little muddled. The munchkins called me because a new
witch has dropped a house on the wicked witch of the east.
There’s the house and here you are and that’s all that’s left of the
wicked witch of the east. And so, what the munchkins want to
know is, are you a good witch or a bad witch?
Witch: Who killed my sister? Who killed the Wicked Witch of the east?
Was it you? It was an accident, you say? You didn’t mean to kill
anyone. Well, my pretty, I can cause accidents too. The ruby
slippers, where are they? What have you done with them? Give
them back to me or I’ll . . . Give me back my slippers. I’m the
only one who knows how to use them. Give them back to me.
Give them back!
Munchkin: As Mayor of the Munchkin City, in the county of the land of Oz
we welcome you most regally, but we have to verify it legally.
To see, if she is morally, ethically, spiritually, physically,
undeniably and reliably dead. Then this is a day of independ-
ence for all the munchkins and their descendents. Let he joyous
news be spread. The wicked old witch at last is dead!
Scarecrow: Pardon me, that way is a very nice way.
It’s pleasant down that way, too. Am I confusing you on
purpose, of course not. You see, I can’t make up my mind
because I haven’t got a brain, only straw. How can I talk if
I haven’t got a brain? Hmmm, well some people without
brains so an awful lot of talking, don’t they?
Tinman: Oil can. O i l c a n. My mouth. The other side. My my my
Goodness. I can talk again! Oil my arms, please. Oil my
elbows. It feels wonderful. I’ve held that ax up for ages. It
was about a year ago that I was chopping that tree and
suddenly it began to rain. Right in the middle of a chop
I rusted solid.
Lion: Roooaaarrr! Put ‘em up, put ‘em up! Which one of ya first?
I’ll fight ya both together if you want. I’ll fight ya with one paw
tied behind my back. I’ll fight ya standing on one foot. I’ll fight
ya with my eyes closed. Oh, pulling an ax on me eh? Sneaking
up on me, eh? Why ruff, ruff!
Wizard: Come forward. I am Oz the great and powerful. Who are you?
WHO are YOU? Silence! The great and powerful Oz knows
why you’ve come. Tinman, step forward. You dare to come to
me for a heart, do you? You clinking, clanking, clattering,
collection of collinginous junk.
Munchin II. We thank you very sweetly for doing it so neatly.
You’ve killed her so completely that we thank you very
sweetly. Let the joyous news be spread! The wicked old
witch at last is dead!
Dorothy II. Follow the yellow brick road. Follow the yellow brick road.
Now which way do we go? That’s funny. Wasn’t he pointing
the other way? Don’t be silly, Toto, scarecrows don’t talk.
Why, you did say something. Are you doing that on purpose or
can’t you make up your mind? You haven’t got a brain? How
can you talk if you haven’t got a brain?
