everywhere.

Sometimes I think he can actually will it into existence -- into

unspeakable places.”
Draco, still pulling at a hair, said “Ptht” in response, but what he really wanted
to say was, If I find orange fur on my balls tonight, I shall skin that animal with my
bare hands.
Granger tore open a package of something and passed it to him. “What is this?”
asked Draco, holding up one of the things.
“Cheesy Wotsits.”
Which explained everything, obviously.
For her part, Granger ate tuna, directly from the tin. “Grim, Granger,” said
Draco.
“It’s protein,” said Granger. She looked at the mediocre spread that Draco was
scowling at and got a bit defensive. “I haven’t had time to go to the shops.”
“Why don’t you send a house-elf--”
As the words came out of his mouth, Draco cut himself off, but it was too late.
Granger was looking at him like he’d just confirmed, for the second time that
evening, what an over-privileged wanker he was.
She rose, tight-jawed, to make tea. It seemed an excuse to get away from his
immediate vicinity. But, whatever -- Draco wasn’t here to make friends.
Granger banged about with the kettle. She looked like she was holding back a
certain quantity of Draco-oriented vitriol. He surreptitiously checked his pockets.
He did have a bezoar on him, in case his tea had any special additives courtesy of the
House-Elf Vigilante.
Granger set their mugs on the table with rather more firmness than was
necessary. There was no immediate evidence of poison. She had found a packet of
biscuits to go with the tea. Draco ate two thirds of it like a famished thing, and if
they were poisoned, then so be it.
Then Granger straightened out the parchment, seemed to -- with an effort --
compartmentalise her feelings about Draco the Wanker, and became all business.
She queried him on the recommendations as though he were an apprentice
Auror who had submitted this for review, and ought to be grateful for the feedback.
And so they argued through the list: on item 14, whether he would add caretaking
staff to the laboratory’s wards (he conceded); on item 26, whether she really needed
to give him notice when she was leaving town (yes) and if so, how much notice (24
hours); on item 33, what constituted a ‘public event’ (over 40 people); on item 34,

32 | House Call by Genius Inventor

 Why yes, Draco was starving. Two hours of warding really did take it out of a
man. However: there was a five course meal waiting for him at the Manor.
However (bis): he wanted to wrap up this affair and have his next communication
with Granger be regarding the return of the ring, however- many months hence.
“All right,” said Draco.
Draco popped into the loo to refresh himself, which mainly involved
Scourgifying his armpits (the height of class; mother would be proud), attempting
some drying charms on his robes, and splashing water onto his face. His hair he
deemed a lost cause tonight. Not that he had anyone to impress here. And besides,
in this cottage, with Granger the Human Anemone and her orange toilet brush of a
familiar, his hair still easily won best-in-show.
His entire look was complemented by the magnificent bruise starting to develop
along his jaw. He pressed more of the salve into it, annoyed that Granger had been
right about how bad it was going to get.
He trudged to the kitchen, where Granger had the scroll of recommendations
and the ring set out upon the kitchen table. She removed her white coat and stuffed
it into a Muggle machine at the end of the counter (judging by the folded piles
around it, a washing apparatus). Another long-sleeved top underneath -- who knew
that Granger had such an aversion to exposing her elbows?
The kitchen table was pushed into a corner. Draco therefore took a chair next to
Granger. From this vantage -- far closer than he’d been to her at any point previously
-- he noted that she was in possession of a decent pair of tits.
However, Granger chose that moment to unravel the scroll -- now liberally
scribbled with question marks and counter-suggestions -- and Draco was unable to
feel attracted because he was being suffocated by waves of Swot.
“Some of my principal concerns,” said Granger, nodding her chin towards the
parchment, which promised a long and arduous evening of argument. “But first,
let’s eat something.”
She rummaged about in a pathetically empty cupboard and popped some
options onto the table.
As far as Draco was concerned, the chief article of diet was cat hair. He pulled a
few orangey strands from his mouth as the cat (damn the creature) wound its way
around his chair’s legs, looking smugly at him.
Granger had the courtesy of looking abashed when she noticed. “I’m sorry!” She
waved her wand in Draco’s direction, Vanishing most of the fur. “It does get

Three | 31
 Frankly, for a witch of Granger’s relative fame, whose two closest chums were
now Aurors, her protection measures had been paltry. But then, it was peacetime,
and she was a scholar, now -- not a child chasing Dark Objects to murder an evil
wizard seven times over.
The half-Kneazle stared balefully at Draco through the sleet from the shelter of
the stoop. Draco added the creature’s magical signature to the wards and told him
so. The creature blinked at him. Draco was unnerved.
Just as the rain began to lessen, a car made its way up the drive and behind the
cottage. Granger rounded the corner a moment later. “Still here, are you?”
“I've just finished,” panted Draco. Warding was a magically exhausting task.
The half-Kneazle was given a great many kisses on his ugly head as Draco stood
by and tried not to look wet and sweaty. And where was his thank you, if you
please?
“I shall have to ward your car,” said Draco. “If you use it to get around a lot. And
the Muggle surgery, if you’re there regularly.”
Granger frowned at him. “My car is brand new. You can’t ward it; you’ll muck
something up.”
In the face of Draco’s confused offence, she added, “Cars have electrical
components in them, now. Maybe they didn’t when you were in Muggle Studies.”
This was said as though Draco was approximately 120 years old and had last
taken Muggle Studies when cars were called horseless carriages.
“I’ll bung a Sneakoscope into the glovebox,” said Granger.
For someone so clever, she certainly was an idiot.
“Excellent,” said Draco. “That’ll definitely ward off a Bombarda Maxima from
twenty metres out. I’ll be able to tell Shacklebolt that we’d taken all necessary
measures to protect you, when we pull your charred remains out of the wreckage.”
The violent imagery was successful. Granger gave in. “Fine. You can ward it. But
do try to stay away from the -- the centre bits, with all the buttons. Next to the
steering wheel.”
Draco’s moment of triumph was ruined by a long and echoing hungry growl,
unmistakably from his stomach (unfortunate -- he was prepared to blame the cat).
There was a pause. Granger’s eyes flitted to Draco’s midriff. She appeared to be
struggling between her natural feelings for him and her manners. Then, finally:
“You must be famished. Do you want to come in? I’ve a few snacks. We can go over
the recommendations -- and the ring.”

30 | House Call by Genius Inventor

 Draco did not wish to deal with bookish snivelling and did not pursue the
subject, but he made a mental note of the object, for future prying.
The second bedroom was quite bare, save for a long mat on the floor, candles,
and a cluster of orchids. What ritual was Granger preparing to cast here? He tried to
make sense of the candle arrangement, but it didn’t match the geometry of
anything he recognised.
Finally, they came to Granger’s bedroom, which she permitted him a glance into
with evident unease. Draco couldn’t find a civil way to say, stop bloody fidgeting, I
only need to see how the baddies might try to kidnap you; I’m not here to rifle
through your knickers, so he said nothing.
An obnoxious jingle began to play somewhere in Granger’s vicinity. She pulled a
palm-sized Muggle thingie out of her pocket and spoke into it. From what Draco
understood, she was being summoned to the surgery by the means of this device.
She confirmed this by rushing past Draco to the stairs. “I have to go. I think
you’ve seen enough to orient yourself -- please set the wards to let Crookshanks in
and out. He likes to roam. I’ll be back in a few hours.”
“Crookshanks?” called Draco as Granger tripped down the stairs. “The cat!”
said Granger.
She disappeared outside, but instead of the crack of Disapparition, Draco heard
the sound of a motor. Granger was driving. A Muggle car.
The absolute weirdo.
Rating: Explicit Or perhaps not, he thought upon reflection, as he made his way back to the
Archive Warning: Graphic Depictions of Violence garden. If she was going to a Muggle surgery, she’d have to show up by Muggle
Category: F/M means; an instantaneous Apparition at the door would raise questions.
Fandom: Harry Potter – J. K. Rowling As he pondered the overfilled dual life that Granger led, Draco began to ward.
Relationship: Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy
Published: 2021-10-14
After about two hours of work, Draco pronounced himself satisfied. The wards
Chapters: 36/36 would need to be recast every week or so, but no one would be able to waltz in sans
Words: 196,727 Granger’s permission. Points of entry and egress were all reinforced with the Auror’s
standard kit and a few of Draco’s own inventions; underground approaches would
be flummoxed by a robust Depellens Penetrationem and aerial attacks would be
rebuffed by a Caeli Praesidium. The usual assortment of intruder alarms was
scattered about.

Three | 29
 “Yes. Preserving magical knowledge through Muggle means, as I’m growing
tired of lugging enormous books about, of finding irreparably damaged or lost
material because some idiot spilled tea on a page twenty years ago, and of having to
search for things through ancient record cards like it’s 1855. It’s a pet project for my

1
rarest volumes. Unfortunately, I haven’t as much time to dedicate to it as I’d like...”
She brought Draco through to the kitchen, a rather Muggle space, save for the
variety of magical plants explosively taking over her window ledges and various
potions aglow here and there. There might’ve been something magical slowly
brewing in a cauldron at the hearth, but she swept him past it.
“Conservatory?” asked Draco as they moved to the next room.
Granger regarded him like he had just confirmed what a posh twat he was. “A
conservatory? This isn't Ascott House. The letting agent called it a sun-room.”
An Unsporting
That seemed an optimistic appellation to Draco, who watched January sleet
begin to drizzle against the glass ceiling with scepticism.
Attack

A
Then an odd, orange, squash-faced creature appeared, and wound its way
around Granger’s ankles. In another moment of wild optimism, Granger referred s a man of means, Draco Malfoy could have chosen to live a life of leisure,
to it as a cat. political meddling, and casual blackmail, like his father before him.
However, his acquittal by the Wizengamot was accompanied by strong
“What’s wrong with your cat?” asked Draco, bending over to regard the creature
recommendations that young Mr. Malfoy strive for such laudable
with concern.
pursuits as the Common Good, Altruism, and Redemption in the Public Eye.
“Nothing’s wrong with him,” said Granger. Both she and the creature looked at
And so, after a few years of sowing his wild oats (and a great many curses) on the
Draco with great offence. “He’s part Kneazle, and very intelligent. Aren’t you, my
Continent, Draco had returned to London, where he made short work of the Auror
darling? My sweetums? My angel boy?”
training programme -- three years down to one and a half, if you please -- and joined
As its ears were massaged by Granger, the cat regarded Draco with an expression
that noble Office. Draco had been strategic in his choice of career, of course: being an
of utmost disdain.
Auror offered just enough heroics for positive coverage in the news and just enough
Then it decided that it had had enough of Granger’s attention and turned to
Ministry-sanctioned murders to keep him interested in the job.
leave, its absurd tail held high, so that Draco got a full view of its bumhole.
Draco was an excellent Auror -- something about very nearly becoming a Dark
“Charming,” said Draco.
wizard himself gave him rather useful insights into the minds of naughty wizards and
The tour continued to the cramped upstairs space. Three small bedrooms, as
witches. The problem with competence, however, was that it was rewarded with
Draco had guessed, with predictable points of entry that he would have to ward. increasingly complex cases by the Head of the Auror Office, a certain Madam
The first bedroom appeared to be used as a study. Draco noted a kind of plinth Nymphadora Tonks.
in the middle of the space. On it rested a grimoire, very old and damaged,
And so, our opening scene -- a Monday morning, sometime in January. Amidst
surrounded by the glow of stasis charms. the greying cubicles of the Auror Office, Tonks was doling out the month’s Class A
Granger saw what had caught his attention. “A tragedy. Don’t ask me about it or assignments to her top Aurors like a vindictive Father Christmas.
I shall cry.”

28 | House Call by Genius Inventor One | 1

 “Montjoy -- you’re off to Hethpool. Three Muggle children found dead with their Apparition point, she waved her wand to allow him to pass whatever preliminary
livers removed. That hag coven from Stow may have regrouped.” A folder containing wards she had set up.
the case material was slapped onto Montjoy’s desk. “What’s wrong with your face?” she asked as Draco neared the gate. Always to
“Buckley -- suspected necromancy and other foul play, Isle of Man.” Buckley the point, was Granger.
accepted the proffered casefile with a grimace. “You’re to take Humphreys with you. “Bludger,” said Draco.
Mind you be a good mentor and don’t traumatise her too much.” “Oh. It looks bad.”
Tonks rounded the corner to the next cubicles. “Potter, Weasley -- you’re to (It probably did, too; Zabini had a mean swing.)
continue with the vampires in the Dales, but if you don’t make further headway, I will As he neared the gate, Draco saw Granger scrutinising the injury with a well-
get personally involved. Half of Yorkshire will be sucked dry at this rate. Goggin -- practised eye. She vacillated for a moment, then, apparently unable to resist Do-
some idiot is experimenting with Transmogrifian Torture on Muggle prostitutes in Gooding, blurted out, “Do you want me to have a look at it?”
Glenluce. I won’t notice if you bring him in with a few missing appendages.” “No. I’ve already put a salve on,” said Draco, brushing his fingers against his
Tonks now came to a halt in front of Draco’s desk. “Malfoy. Since you did so well slowly bruising jaw.
with the Lanark Lunatic last week, I’ll let you pick your poison.” “That’s going to make a lovely hematoma.”
Draco eyed Tonks guardedly -- poison was unlikely to be an exaggeration. “What “I’m fine. I came here to ward your house, not for a consult.”
are my options?” Granger’s mouth pressed into a thin line.
Tonks dropped two files onto Draco’s desk. “Option one, a wizard accused of “Are you going to invite me in?” asked Draco, irked by her standing there,
inappropriate acts with trolls -- a real delight for the senses, that one. Or, option two -- watching him with something like concern. Now he felt like some kind of vampire
a request from the Minister for Auror protection of a high-profile target.” angling for an invitation over the threshold.
“Inappropriate acts?" repeated Draco, pulling the folders towards himself. “Come in, then,” said Granger, a little snappish, pulling the gate open.
“I don’t know about your tolerance level, but I’ve quite lost my appetite.” Tonks Draco saw that she was dressed in another version of the white coat, this time
jutted her chin towards the rightmost folder. “There are photographs for your accessorised with a dangling contraption wrapped around her neck.
edification.” “You’ve left your auto-asphyxiation device on,” said Draco, pointing to it.
Draco made the mistake of opening the troll folder. He closed it again with a “It’s a stethoscope,” said Granger, with an unspoken, you cretin, attached to the
strangled sound of disgust. “I’ll take the protection assignment.” end of the sentence.
“Right-o,” said Tonks, swiping the troll folder and its hideous contents from “Right,” said Draco, not deigning to request clarification. “Give us a tour and
Draco’s desk. “The troll-buggerer will go to Fernsby. Fernsby! Come here.” let’s crack on.”
Fernsby emerged from a distant cubicle. Tonks slapped the folder into his chest. She brought him through to the cottage’s front room, which might’ve been a
“You are off to Morpeth. I hear the North Sea is lovely this time of year.” living room, except that it was an explosion of books.
If Fernsby had reservations about the loveliness of a January sojourn by the North “You scolded me for placing a book half an inch out of place. Look at this
Sea, he kept them to himself. Tonks was rarely worth arguing with. disaster,” said Draco, piqued by the injustice.
“Progress reports on my desk by Monday morning,” called Tonks to the office at “It’s my digitising project,” said Granger. “It’s a temporary disaster.” She gestured
large. A grumble of assent from the Aurors followed the request. to a Muggle machine in the centre of it all, connected to a flattish version of a
Tonks gave Draco a sharp look. “Looking forward to yours, Malfoy. I’ve a degree computer.
of curiosity about that one -- the target is working on some top secret project. They “Digitising?”
wouldn’t even tell me what it's about.”

2 | An unsporting attack Three | 27

Malfoy,
Tonks made her way back to her office, managing to tread on an unsuspecting
colleague’s foot only once.
Unsure if you heard my sigh of exasperation from London, Draco, now rather curious, pulled the folder towards himself. The protection
request came straight from the Minister’s Office and Shacklebolt had requested a
so I am recording its occurrence here for your information. security audit, defensive warding, every confidentiality-enhancing measure known to
I am more than capable of improving the warding my own
wizardkind, escorting, if you please, and protective surveillance -- in sum, the bloody
works.
property, or of hiring a warding firm. But, if Shacklebolt is Draco was preemptively irritated -- this sounded rather a lot like effort.
insisting on your particular expertise, so be it. See my
And who, pray, merited this extravagant treatment?
He flipped over a few more pages of Ministerial demands to find, finally, the Principal.
schedule for options, I have just updated it. N.B.: they And it was Hermione. Bloody. Granger.

are very few; Tuesday evening looks the most promising, but
Her photograph was pinned to the top of a brief biographical note -- as though
anyone alive today didn’t know her and her hair. She looked seriously at Draco,
I will be the doctor (Muggle Healer) on call at the local blinked at him once, then left the frame.
Draco seized the folder and headed for Tonks’ office. She was rarely worth arguing
surgery and may have to leave in the middle. with, but this casefile merited an especial attempt.

-H
“Tonks -- I can’t take this one. You’ll have to give it to someone else.”
Tonks looked up from the parchment she’d been attacking with a quill. Her hair
turned a quizzical mauve. “Whyever not?”
“It’s Granger. That’s the Principal. Hadn’t you seen?”
“And?”
Granger, “We don’t exactly get along,” said Draco in a vast understatement.
“Are you telling me that some school-time unpleasantness from fifteen years ago
I know what a doctor is. will interfere with your ability to carry out this assignment?” asked Tonks.
In the Foe Glass behind her, shadowy silhouettes clustered about, as though keen
-D to eavesdrop on the drama.
“We have a rather unhappy history,” said Draco. “Worse than you and Potter?”
This, Draco considered for a moment. Finally, he answered, “In some ways.”
“Fine,” sniffed Tonks. “Swap with Fernsby. I’m sure he’ll only be too happy to
change out a cushy protection jobbie for the troll aficionado.”
“...Isn’t there anything else I could take?”
So, what did the home of a nationally famous scholar / war heroine / Healer /
Tonks gave him a quelling look, emphasised by her eyes turning a dangerous,
Champion of Just Causes / Researcher-In-Danger look like?
hawkish kind of yellow. “I’ve just assigned the month’s missions, Malfoy, and I won’t
A modest sort of cottage in Cambridgeshire, as it happened. Three bedrooms, at have your complex about Granger domino its way through the entirety of it.”
Draco’s best guess. Granger stood at the gate. As he approached from his
“I don’t have a complex about Granger.”

26 | House Call by Genius Inventor One | 3

 “Good. Then you’ll do fine. Off you go.”
Tonks waved her hand and her office door closed slowly, squeezing Draco out.
Draco strode back to his desk, half intending to ask Fernsby for the swap --
however, the gurgle of horror emanating from Fernsby’s cubicle was sufficient to

3
change his mind.
Fine. He’d do the Granger thing. It was, at any rate, not troll pornography.

Draco sent Granger a coldly professional note stating that he would be pleased to
meet with her at her earliest convenience to discuss the Minister’s protection request.
Granger sent back an equally cold note indicating that the Minister’s request was
House Call by
an overblown reaction on the Minister’s part and that she would be dealing with it
shortly, and to please disregard it.
Genius Inventor
Draco did not respond, but enjoyed an afternoon off instead of informing Tonks

D
of this fortunate development immediately.
Then Granger ruined everything by writing again, indicating that, to her raco’s eagle owl was given a decent workout in the coming days as Draco
disappointment, the Minister had not changed his mind, and was forging ahead with and Granger negotiated back and forth on a few of the
this (disproportionate and illogical, in her opinion) plan of action. Would Draco be recommendations that he’d made. She suggested that some of the
available to meet at nine o’clock this Thursday? The Granger Laboratory. Trinity measures were positively draconic (“pun intended; do forgive me”) and tried to
College, Cambridge. push back on them, with an especial focus on the home visit for personalised
As he tossed the missive into the fire, Draco thought, Cambridge, of course. How warding.
could we expect anything less from Hermione Granger? Eventually, Draco pulled out his most severe quill, and composed the following:

That Thursday, Draco arrived at Trinity College at the beastly hour of nine o'clock. Granger,
The porter at the gate didn’t glance twice at his robes -- many of the Muggles
wandering about were wearing long black gowns -- but he did give Draco a sharp look Shacklebolt’s orders on the warding of the Granger
when he said he was there to see Granger. domicile aren’t up for negotiation. Do let me know
“Doctor Granger,” said the porter. “Have you got an appointment, sir?” when would be convenient to come by this week for the
warding; if you don’t, I shall drop by at an
“Yes.”
“Name?”
inconvenient time by default.
“Malfoy,” said Draco.
The porter consulted a chart. He found whatever he was looking for, apparently, - D (for Draconian)
because Draco was waved in towards the verdant quad at Trinity College. (“It’s not a

4 | An unsporting attack Three | 25

 Draco felt that the temperature in Granger’s office had dropped rather suddenly. quad, we call them courts at Cambridge,” said the porter to some tourists, but Draco
“Did you see a sign of Dark magic?” asked Draco. Too quickly -- he’d sounded paid him no mind -- he knew a quad when he saw one.)
defensive. Blast. Granger’s note had included a few directions on how to enter the wizarding part of
“If there was Dark magic, it’s gone now,” said Granger. the College, which brought Draco to a magically concealed door at the south end of
She tapped the ring again, reverting it back to the plain silver band. She looked the quad. A Muggle plaque indicated that King’s Hall had once stood here, but that it
thoughtful. had been destroyed in the sixteenth century. Draco tapped the bronze plaque with his
“I’ll need some time to go through this extremely comprehensive list of wand, as instructed by Granger, and the ostensibly destroyed King’s Hall appeared
recommendations,” she said at length. before him. Draco decided that Granger earned a two out of ten in his initial security
“Take the time you need,” said Draco. “But know that the alternative is assessment -- at least rogue Muggles wouldn’t immediately be able to find her. And,
Shacklebolt setting up a camp bed for me, for overnights in your laboratory.” with that generous thought, he strode into Magical Cambridge.
She eyed him, then seemed to decide that he must be joking. “I’ll need to think At nine o’clock on a weekday, King’s Hall was a roiling bustle of scholarly witches
about item fifty-six in particular. Do you want the ring back in the meantime?” and wizards, off to advance magical knowledge. Draco had spent years at the
“Keep it,” said Draco. “Have your friends analyse it -- isn’t one of the Weasley Université de Paris to earn his Bachelor's in Alchemy and his Mastery in Martial Magic
brothers meant to be good at that stuff? -- and when you’ve quite settled any doubts, (Duelling), but he’d never set foot in an institution of higher learning in the UK.
owl me, and we can get on with our lives.” King’s Hall retained its sixteenth century ambience -- dark, an excess of overcarved
Granger perked up, as though getting on with her life without a Draco-shaped wood, and candlelight -- and vacillated somewhere between pure Gothic and early
barnacle attached to her was the kindest hope he could’ve offered her. Renaissance in décor.
“I will,” she said. As he surveyed the crowd before him (varyingly studious or eccentric-looking),
Two of her students, kitted up in their strange white cloaks and goggles, knocked at Draco wondered how much of wizarding Britain’s brain power was located within
the door, excited to share some new development with dear Professor Granger. these hallowed halls. At any rate, there was at least one big brain on the premises.
Quite lost amongst five staircases on the first floor, he decided to enquire for
Draco rose to leave as Granger donned her own white coat to join the students in
the laboratory. There was an awkward, conflicted look on her face. directions towards that brain.
“You there,” said Draco, jutting his chin towards a spotty youth. The boy looked
Draco, never one to make things easy, merely raised an eyebrow at her.
about twenty- two, serious, and clutched a text on Advanced Theoretical Arithmancy
“I suppose I want to say thank you. For working through this as you are. I haven’t
to his chest.
exactly been pulling my weight trying to find a solution to Shacklebolt’s request. The
“Yes?” asked the youth.
ring is a good idea.”
“I’m looking for Granger,” said Draco.
“I think you’re more than pulling your weight elsewhere,” said Draco. He left; she
muttered something that might’ve been a goodbye. The boy frowned at him. “Professor Granger. Her offices are on the third floor,
with the other Fellows.”
“Cheers,” said Draco, wondering how many more times he was going to be
corrected regarding precious Granger’s title today.
He climbed the stairs and passed corridors where he spotted a variety of interesting
things: classrooms, lounges, reading rooms, offices, an apothecary, a café, and what
appeared to be a small zoo. Finally, he came to a door which simply said,
“GRANGER. Ring for attention.”

24 | Draco Malfoy, Genius Inventor One | 5

 See? There. No overzealous titles. Draco rang for attention. Unless he was misunderstanding, Granger was suggesting that his exceptional
Then he peered into the narrow window that flanked the door and almost turned creation was a knock-off of a Muggle thing? What?
around to leave again, because the laboratory beyond seemed decidedly Muggle and “Never mind. What’s this unfinished mess here?” asked Granger, holding her
he must’ve taken a wrong turn somewhere, only it said “GRANGER,” right there. wand-point to a ghostly green knot of Arithmantic calculations.
His ring was answered by a Being in a bright white coat and strange translucent Draco felt his nostrils pinch: that unfinished mess was the result of many
face-coverings. “Can I help you?” asked the Being. frustrating hours of work. “I haven’t got round to finishing that yet.”
“I’m looking for Granger,” answered Draco. “What was it meant to be?”
“Healer Granger doesn’t take walk-ins,” said the Being, with a rather stiffened “Portkey. For moments when you couldn’t Apparate, or if you were trapped in an
back. “Is she expecting you?” Anti-Apparition Ward. I haven’t worked out the calculations.”
“She is,” said Draco, adding this new title to the increasingly ridiculous running list. Granger looked mildly impressed. Draco supposed that she was surrounded by the
“All right,” said the Being, with what was probably a suspicious look, but Draco nation’s greatest magical brains on the daily, and that he ought to be pleased that she
couldn’t tell behind the goggle-things. “Her office is down to the right.” was mildly impressed by a mere Auror’s paltry creation.
The Being moved out of the way. From the voice, Draco, was now relatively certain “An on-demand Portkey would be something,” said Granger.
it was a human female, but the accoutrements made it difficult to say. In any case, “Portus is a pain in the arse of an enchantment,” said Draco, trying to sound
Draco was in. His initial assessment of Granger’s security measures plummeted to a resigned, rather than sullen.
strong one out of ten. “Have you ever thought of making more of these rings? You could monetise these
It pleased him to give Granger a well-deserved horrid mark; it didn’t please him to easily,” said Granger, holding the ring aloft.
think of the work that would be involved bringing this place up to snuff. “Do I look like I need money?” asked Draco.
He knocked on the office door. Granger levelled a stare at him. Her back straightened. They had been dangerously
“Come in,” said Granger’s voice. A blast from the past -- crisp, prissy, impatient. close to lapsing into a civil conversation and she seemed to have forgotten who she was
Draco entered the office. Granger was sitting behind a tidy, if over-stacked, desk. talking to. She sniffed in lieu of responding.
They stared at one another in a decidedly Awkward Moment, something that “Anyway, I can’t mass-produce the ring.”
Draco, now a fully qualified and rather dangerous Auror, was not used to anymore -- “Right.” Granger was weighing the ring in the palm of her hand. “Because this
and perhaps, judging by the unhappy set of her mouth, neither was Granger. isn’t just some trinket you put a few neat charms on.”
Time heals all wounds, but between himself and Granger, there were a great many “No.”
to heal, and right now, fifteen years felt like a rather short time since they'd been “This is an Artefact.”
children fighting each other on opposite sides of a war. Draco couldn’t recall when he “Indeed.”
had last spoken to her directly, and he certainly knew he’d never been alone in a room “A family heirloom, if I were to hazard a guess.”
with her. “Yes.”
Granger rose to greet him with the following display of eloquence: “Malfoy.” Of course she’d spotted the concealment charm that made the ring look like a plain
“Granger,” said Draco, with equal eloquence. silver band. Now she tapped her wand to reveal the ring’s true appearance -- an ornate
She gestured to a chair across the desk. As he stepped towards it, Draco found silver ouroboros, ever eating its own tail. And on the inside, the family motto:
himself being assessed by her. Her gaze flitted from his hair to his face, to the Auror Sanctimonia Vincet Semper. Purity will always conquer.
insignia on his chest, and down his black robes to his boots. “You’re certain this ring won’t immediately attempt to amputate my finger? I’m
not Pure, after all,” said Granger.

6 | An unsporting attack Two | 23

 “Nor do I want to stand sentry at your door like some glorified bodyguard, waiting Seeing that they were dispensing with the niceties, Draco shamelessly assessed her
for whatever Shacklebolt expects to happen, to happen.” in return: the hair (a curling pile coiled high at her crown), the face (thinner, more
“Yes,” said Granger with enthusiasm. “Continue.” severe than he remembered), the same strange white cloak as the Being, the black jeans
“So I presented Shacklebolt with this option, which will allow me to -- in essence -- (so Muggle), the casual trainers.
be alerted if anything were to happen to you, and Apparate to you instantly. I can find Draco opened his mouth to make a few vague opening remarks -- some chatter
better uses for my time, and you can carry on with your -- distressingly full, by the way about Cambridge, or Potter and Weasley, or other such fluff -- but Granger jumped
-- schedule, unimpeded.” straight to the point.
Draco waited to be praised for the simple elegance of this brilliant solution. “This is an absolute waste of Auror resources.”
Instead, Granger poked the ring with her wand. The lack of finesse was quite typey for Granger. Some things didn’t change.
“It isn’t going to kill you,” said Draco. Draco settled himself into his chair. “Give me a bit more to go on and I can make a
Granger met his eyes seriously. “My dataset is, admittedly, rather small, but I saw case to Shacklebolt to withdraw the request. I’ve no more desire to be here than you.”
the aftermath of the last piece of jewellery that Draco Malfoy handed out, and it was -- Granger pursed her lips at him. Draco wondered when McGonagall had
alarming. You’ll have to forgive me if I don’t immediately put this on. I’d like to Apparated into Granger’s chair, and where Granger had got to.
analyse it.” “All right,” said Granger at length. “A fortnight ago, I updated Shacklebolt on the
Ah, yes. The Katie Bell Incident. If Draco had any feelings, they would’ve been a progress of a
little hurt, probably, by this display of mistrust stemming from the actions of an idiot certain research project. A research project which is not under the Ministry’s
boy being manipulated by the Darkest wizard of the century, a decade and a half ago. purview, nor funded by it, by the by. I was sharing what I thought was a bit of good
But he didn't, so the point was moot. news with a long-time friend and mentor -- who happens to be the Minister of Magic.
“I’m happy to see that you've got some self-preservation instincts,” said Draco. He Apparently, the news was too good. Shacklebolt fears repercussions, as the project will
swept his hand towards the ring. “Analyse away.” have implications for a certain segment of the population.”
Granger cast a few revelation spells, which set the ring aglow with slow-rotating, “What implications?” asked Draco. “Which segment?”
translucent spellwork. “So -- what’s all this?” “I’d rather not say, as my hope is that you won’t be involved any further than this
“Telling you would rather spoil the fun, wouldn’t it? You tell me,” said Draco. meeting. Shacklebolt is overreacting. I shall speak with him again this week and
And with that, he settled back into his chair into a relaxed pose. Now it was his turn to convince him that putting me under Auror surveillance is utterly unnecessary.”
watch her unpuzzle a thing. “Auror protection,” corrected Draco. Aurors of his calibre weren’t assigned to two-
She flicked through the spells with some adeptness, quickly picking out the more bit surveillance jobs, thank you.
critical ones. Draco supposed that diagnostic magic would come easily to her as a “Call it what you will,” said Granger.
Healer. “Shacklebolt has his flaws, but a propensity for overreaction isn’t one of them,”
She listed her findings. “A Locator Charm, miscellaneous protective runes said Draco. (There wasn’t much love lost between himself and the Minister, but there
(thoughtful, thank you), a distress beacon, heart rate monitoring...” was a certain respect.)
Now her lips quirked. “No, it isn’t one of his propensities. Which is why I was rather surprised --
“What’s funny?” asked Draco. dismayed, really -- by his decision to involve your office.”
“You’ve invented a Wizarding FitBit.” “Is it possible that he isn’t overreacting?”
“I beg your pardon?” The look Granger levelled at him was decidedly unfriendly. “No.”

22 | Draco Malfoy, Genius Inventor One | 7

 “You don’t think that this -- breakthrough, or discovery -- of yours is putting you at A few exchanges with Shacklebolt ensued, during which Draco outlined his Plan and
any new risk whatsoever?” convinced the Minister that it was the correct approach, and that, moreover, no other
“Not at the moment. First, no one knows about this development, other than approach would do because the Principal would be too uncooperative.
Shacklebolt himself and -- to varying degrees -- my staff, all of whom I trust implicitly. Draco studied Granger’s schedule in quiet moments, puzzling over the asterisk
And, secondly, though I’ve made a breakthrough, I haven’t quite solved the issue yet. “holidays.” His first thought was that the days were a personal indicator of some
That will be the work of at least another year. I won’t be on the front page of The private thing. They were too scattered to be a reminder for her period. The pattern
Prophet asking to be murdered tomorrow.” wasn’t lunar, either -- good to know Granger wasn’t a secret werewolf.
Draco's eyebrow twitched upwards. “Shacklebolt thinks you’re going to be Dates for some romantic entanglement, perhaps? Was that why she hadn’t marked
murdered?” down details? Was he looking at Granger’s sex schedule? Would she really take entire
“He thinks -- probably rightly -- that some people won’t be pleased about my days off? Draco felt that he ought to shake the hand of the man responsible.
breakthrough.” He also surreptitiously checked the off-day requests book at the Auror Office, and
Draco decided that he needed to speak to Shacklebolt. Perhaps he’d be less cagey neither the Weasel’s nor Pothead’s upcoming holidays coincided. The mystery
than Granger and disclose something useful to the Auror assigned to her. He found endured.
himself truly curious, now, about the nature of this Good Discovery. Draco spent a few days tinkering with the key element of his Plan. And by
His next question was carefully phrased. He didn’t want to cast aspersions on ‘tinkering,’ we do mean, of course, mucking about with ancient magicks best left
Granger’s heritage (gods forbid; he was already on thin ice everywhere on that front), untouched.
but there were things she mightn’t know, as a Muggle-born. “Might Shacklebolt be
aware of certain wizarding predilections or biases that you aren’t, that would be a
cause for concern?” “Recommendations,” said Draco, slapping a roll of parchment onto Granger’s desk.
Granger took a breath, as one might if one was summoning one’s remaining “Fairly standard stuff for fairly obvious vulnerabilities. I’ve run them past Shacklebolt.
patience. “If I told you I’d solved world famine, or something equally wonderful, He’s agreed to withdraw the protection request if you comply with them.”
would you pause to worry about the actions of a few naysayers?” Granger unrolled the parchment and found that it reached the floor. She gave him
“One naysayer would be enough to dispatch a do-gooding researcher, especially a slow blink. “Anything you’d like to draw my particular attention to, in the interest of
one who keeps her laboratory secured with a third-rate locking charm and some saving time?”
chicken wire.” “Yes,” said Draco. “Item fifty-six.”
One of Granger’s knees began to bounce. It brought to mind a cat twitching its tail Granger ran down the list to the line in question. “The Principal must agree to
in annoyance. “So have you?” asked Draco. wear the Ring at all times, until completion of the Project.”
“Have I what?” “That’s the one,” said Draco.
“Solved world famine.” “What ring?” asked Granger.
“Nothing so grand. That was an example.” “This one,” said Draco, tossing a ring towards her. The small silver band landed on
“Where do you keep your findings?” asked Draco. the parchment, spun once, and was still. “I don’t care to train you on Imperius and
Now it was Granger’s turn to raise an eyebrow, which was the entirety of her Veritaserum resistance, or personal protection magicks, or Advanced Occlumency, or
response. drill you on physical self-defence (gods forbid; you look like your punches might
Draco gestured to the office around him and the laboratory on the other side of concuss a gnat, at best) -- and nor, I think, do you want to endure these things.”
the door. “I’ve identified a dozen vulnerabilities already -- and that’s only what I saw in “Correct,” said Granger, her suspicious look moving from the ring to Draco.

8 | An unsporting attack Two | 21

 Draco stared at her. Blocking magic was a tricky bit of work -- a thing mostly the five minutes it took to walk up here. If I wanted to work it out, I rather think I
relegated to abstruse theoretical discussions. The handful of magic-inhibiting artefacts could.”
he’d heard of were things of distant legend, lost to the passage of time. And yet... “Do you?”
“I got the idea from wifi hotspots in cafés and airports, only, of course, this is the “Yes.”
contrary,” said Granger. Then, seeing from his face that that explained nothing, she Seeing Granger smirk was... something. However, it rapidly disappeared. “If we’re
said, “Never mind.” talking of physical security, I haven’t exactly had a reason to increase it beyond the
“I’m not entirely certain that those are legal,” said Draco, looking at the pucks. usual measures until recently. I can assure you that I’m capable of warding my
“Better report me to Shacklebolt,” said Granger. Her eyes met his, unfriendly, laboratory beyond a locking charm -- and keeping my data safe.”
unafraid. Draco decided that Granger had balls, possibly rivalling Tonks’ enormous “Perfect,” said Draco. “Proceed with that. I’ll be back in a few days to do a
pair. penetration test. If you satisfy that -- and implement any additional measures I
The beginnings of a Plan were germinating in his head. recommend -- we may be able to convince Shacklebolt that you and your research are
“I need a copy of your schedule,” he said, leading the way back to Granger’s office. safe, and we’ll be able to put this behind us.”
A quick Duplicatus sorted that, paired with a Protean Charm to ensure that This challenge was dolled out with a -- quite laudable, Draco thought -- minimum
changes to her version would be reflected on his. of arrogance on his part.
“Right. I shall prepare a tidy little report with some recommendations to ensure Granger’s eyes grew hard: the challenge was recognised and accepted. “Fine. And
Healer Granger’s continued safety and wellbeing,” said Draco, scribbling out a few when will this penetration test take place?”
notes. “I’m also going to see what I can do to reassure Shacklebolt that you’re not “I’m not giving you a warning,” said Draco, rising. “Do you think a real-world
going to be murdered tomorrow, and that I needn’t be your minder on a daily basis.” threat would?”
“A relief for all parties,” said Granger. “Brilliant,” said Granger, rising too. Sarcasm roughened the edge of her words. “I
“Watch for my owl in a few days. Also, please stop giving him treacle tart: it makes do love surprises.”
him unruly.” They did not shake hands and she did not see him out.
“Understood,” said Granger, looking only slightly abashed. “Is the test over, then?”
“Yes.”
“Finally,” said Granger. Then, because she was a normal, well-adjusted individual, Draco scheduled a visit with the Minister of Magic later that week. He sauntered past
she sat down at her desk to work some more. the Minister’s sour-faced assistant on the designated day, wondering who had pissed in
Draco saw that he had, for all intents and purposes, ceased to exist, and decided to her Pixie Puffs.
show himself out without further ceremony. Shacklebolt was as reticent with the details as Granger had been, but impressed
“Mind the tile just in front of the door -- Quicksand Curse,” said Granger absently. upon Draco the importance of keeping Granger safe to complete her project, for the
“It was to catch the baddies on the way out.” benefit of all wizardkind. It was all very grand and extremely vague.
“Saw it, Granger.” The only positive was Shacklebolt’s evident pleasure that it was Draco who had
“Of course you did.” ended up with the assignment. “I know you won’t hesitate to get nasty, Malfoy, if any
malicious individuals were to make a move against her.”
Draco accepted the backhanded compliment with a mock bow. “You’re warming
the cockles of my heart, Minister.”

20 | Draco Malfoy, Genius Inventor One | 9

 Shacklebolt returned the bow with an inclination of his head. Then he grew everywhere), a half-finished mug of tea. He rifled through the paperwork on her desk
sombre. “She could change the lives of hundreds -- thousands -- for the better.” and found nothing of interest (conference invitations, Muggle grant application
“And yet, neither she nor you will tell me what the project entails. Did she make results, notes from students; useless tat).
you take a bloody Vow of Secrecy before she disclosed anything?” The computer made a sound like a small ping. Draco turned to it. Its dark surface
Shacklebolt raised his hands, not responding one way or another, and thus gave and wiggling lines challenged him to touch it and die of Elektik Shocks.
Draco his answer. Then Draco gasped and said, “Hang on!”
“She would have the foresight,” said Draco, throwing a fistful of Floo powder into “What?” asked Granger, who had just reentered the room.
Shacklebolt’s fireplace. “Cambridge.” “This whole place is so Muggleish that I hadn’t even thought to ask, but -- how are
This was it. He’d given her long enough to prepare. these computers working? We’re in a magical building.”
“Oh, that,” said Granger. She made what Draco presumed was meant to be a
casual shrug (it wasn’t very casual). “I found ways to circumvent the issue.”
It was late on Monday evening. King's Hall was quiet. Draco supposed that Granger “How?”
was off having dinner or browbeating innocent undergraduates. He stood at the door “Ways,” said Granger.
of her laboratory, tapping his wand to his chin thoughtfully. However, before he had “What ways?” asked Draco.
cast any kind of revelation charm or begun any sort of snooping, Granger rounded She stared at him as though assessing his worthiness for this knowledge. In the face
the corner. of her open eye-contact, Draco was sorely tempted to attempt Legilimency again. Just
“Malfoy,” she said, looking a little dishevelled and out of breath. Draco filed her as the thought passed his mind, her eyes lost some of their sparkle: she was Occluding.
timely arrival away for future analysis. She was too clever for it to be coincidence -- and “I found a solution,” said Granger with another vague gesture. “I couldn’t possibly
yet, he hadn’t cast a single spell that would’ve made his presence known. work with only quills and parchment; that’s positively archaic. Not to mention the
Granger had forsaken her Muggle clothing for green Healer robes. She looked hundreds of thousands of calculations and projections I’ve needed to do... Anyway,
both irritable and impatient, and quickly confirmed both of those conditions by you needn’t preoccupy yourself with it. I can assure you that it’s nothing dangerous.”
asking, “Time for your vaunted test, is it? How long will it take?” Draco stepped closer to the computer, observing the various gadgets connected to
Draco did not appreciate her tone, which suggested that this might be an affair of its periphery by long smooth fibres. Only a few things weren’t connected to the
several hours. “That depends on your warding -- I’m thinking a quarter of an hour at Principal Organ (as he named the glowing box part), including three smallish metallic
the upper end.” pucks set around the thing.
Granger’s eyebrow rose at the cockiness of this rejoinder. “Good. Just did a shift at Rather how one might set up a perimeter, really. To keep things in or out.
A&E and I’m positively knackered.” He strode to the collection of computers in the laboratory proper, Granger
She waved her wand and, with a rather impressive display of Transfiguration (not following with a kind of polite curiosity.
that Draco gave any sign that he was impressed), she transformed one of her hairpins There, too, were the metallic pucks: six of them, this time, creating a jagged circle.
into a glossy wooden chair, upon which she perched herself to observe him. “I’d be careful handling those,” said Granger.
Draco didn't mind an audience, especially when he was going to systematically Draco, whose hand had been hovering above one of the pucks, pulled back.
dismantle the audience’s attempts to keep him out, and teach her some humility. “It’s not dangerous, but you won’t like the feeling.” She came beside him and held
Draco turned his attention back to the door. “A&E? I thought you were a one up. “I’m calling it an Anti-Magical Forcefield, for lack of a better term. Rather
researcher.” challenging to create, but it serves my purposes.”

10 | An unsporting attack Two | 19

 “They’re days off.” Granger grew snippy. “And I shan’t be divulging more details “The MNHS is chronically understaffed. I take shifts at St. Mungo’s to help out.
on my personal life than I already have, thank you.” Keeps my Healing skills sharp.”
Draco dropped the subject -- and the schedule, back onto her desk. Overdrawn “Good of you.”
wasn’t even the right word for Granger: exhausted, or depleted, maybe. Draco recalled “Mm.”
some vague rumour that young Granger had been granted a Time-Turner during After a few revelation spells, Draco had to hand it to Granger -- she’d done her
their Hogwarts years, to squeeze more classes into her school days. Potter and Weasley homework. Not a surprise, really. The protective enchantments that now warded the
had quickly dismissed that bit of Auror lunch-hour chatter. door to her laboratory were many, quite complex, and well-cast.
Looking at the overzealous, overachieving, overtired witch before him, Draco Draco got to work, but not without taking the piss just a little. “Caterwauling Charm?
found himself rather inclined to believe the tale. Insulting.” “I’ve learned to work from the lowest common denominator up,” was the
He continued his search, though he doubted there would be much else to find. dry response.
The wall at the rear of the office was covered in frames of various sizes, certificates, The basic intruder charms that followed were dismissed with a few wand waves.
diplomas, awards... The Salvio Hexia was a good warmup. Then Draco got into the good stuff: Foribus
“Nice mosaic,” said Draco. Ignis, Custos Portae, a hair- trigger Confundus aimed directly at his head, revealed
Granger gave him a look. Well, he found himself funny, even if Granger didn’t. only when he’d peeled away the other two wards, a sneaky Blinding Hex that just
The mosaic informed Draco that Granger didn’t quite have twelve doctorates, but seemed mean, a Balding Jinx that was decidedly unsportsmanlike, and a concealed
her combination of Muggle and Magical diplomas probably approached that Confringo on the door handle itself for anyone stupid enough to touch it.
number. Again, the Muggle ones were a mystery, awarded by Muggle universities he Draco disarmed the latter -- a little touch and go, admittedly, and he did break a
hadn’t heard of: Bachelor’s in Biomedical Sciences, Master’s in Microbiology and sweat -- telling himself that at least if his face was blown off, there was a Healer nearby
Immunology, joint M.D.-PhD in Oncology, some minor certificate in Genetics. He who would be able to assist.
recognised the Healer’s Seal, at least (Cambridge, specialising in Magical Diseases). Her The door unlocked. It had taken all of four minutes. And yet, Granger looked
other magical certifications were a Master’s in Transfiguration (Edinburgh; an earlier unimpressed. Draco swung open the door to reveal -- a stone wall.
degree, just after the War, probably) and a Specialised Study in Healing (Blood “Funny,” said Draco.
Magicks) from the Sorbonne. His face showed none of his disquiet, but he’d been wasting his time on an
A smattering of other certificates and qualifications completed Granger’s absolutely impeccable decoy. He waved his wand a metre further down the wall and
educational oeuvre. A box on a low shelf revealed a few dusty older frames. The things the real door to the laboratory appeared.
he knew her for in her brilliant Hogwarts days -- the record-breaking O.W.L.s, the Granger shrugged. “I needed my staff able to get in. They aren’t experts at
absurd amount of N.E.W.T.s -- didn’t merit a place upon her wall of adult disarming wards, but they can handle a Finite Incantatem.”
achievements. He spotted an Order of Merlin, First Class. Potter had similar, proudly Draco entered the laboratory to continue his assessment, his neck rather stiff. His
hung upon his cubicle wall, but Granger hadn’t the room, apparently. audience waved her chair back into a hairpin and followed.
Granger excused herself to make tea, and, in a show of civility that appeared "Normally I would insist upon us donning the proper PPE, per Trinity's wet
moderately challenging to verbalise, asked if he’d like a cup. Draco said no. Granger laboratory protocols," said Granger. "But we've tidied for the day. I don't think you can
looked relieved. hurt yourself on anything."
After she’d left, Draco, being a pragmatic and sneakish kind of person, took Once again, Draco didn't care for her tone, which, this time, suggested that he
advantage of the moment to cast a few discreet tracking spells upon a handful of her might otherwise off himself by accident.
personal items: the trainers under the desk, hairpins (the blarmed things were

18 | Draco Malfoy, Genius Inventor One | 11

 He ignored the sterile white and steel surfaces that made up most of the space and There was another computer in the office, which Draco eyed with a resigned kind
moved to the shelves and cupboards at one end of the laboratory, which looked like a of vexation. How stupid to be flummoxed by a device that any Muggle off the street
likely place for an active laboratory to store data. However, the well-organised contents could probably operate. Perhaps he should’ve kidnapped the porter at the gate and
were useless -- it was mostly Muggle scientific literature, including some of Granger’s brought him in to assist -- Statute of Secrecy notwithstanding.
own publications. Words jumped out at Draco without meaning: cytokines, He stared at the computer intimidatingly, waiting for it to confess its sins, but it
monoclonal antibodies, chimeric antigen receptors, T-cells... merely offered him wobbly lines.
“I realise the purpose of this test is to see how far you’d get and what you can As Draco snooped, scanned and searched for interesting magical giveaways in the
discover about my research -- but do put things back in an orderly fashion,” came rest of the office, Granger pulled off her Healer robes and dropped into the chair that
Granger’s voice, irritation lacing her words. Draco had occupied upon his first visit. She let out a sigh of unadulterated fatigue.
Draco, his back to her, permitted himself a healthy roll of his eyes -- one text was Draco glanced at her. Muggle clothing again, underneath. This time a long-sleeved
half an inch out of place. He pushed it back in. He waved his wand at the entirety of top and some trousers that barely merited the name, more like opaque black tights,
the collection to uncover Transfigurations or concealment spells, but there were none. really. Was this decent public attire by Muggle standards? Shocking. He could see the
Then he systematically did the same with the rest of the laboratory, seeking any hidey precise outline of her calf and the exact shape of her knee.
holes or caches or -- as he grew annoyed -- any magical trace whatsoever. There was He didn’t spend too long musing upon the foibles of Muggle fashion, however, as
nothing magical except the contents of the various vials and test tubes clustered in tidy the witch herself was a bit of a concern. He could see now how thin she was, how her
groups along the laboratory’s workbenches. collarbones shadowed, how her neck seemed too dainty to hold the mass of hair
“If I stole these and had them analysed, what would I discover?” asked Draco. pinned upon her head. She was pale, peaky, and generally looked overdrawn.
The glow of his spell illuminated the vials of interest. Granger walked towards “What’s your schedule like, Granger?” Draco asked, as though continuing his
them and pointed. “Gamma delta T cells. Antigens: MART-1, Tyrosinase, GP100, querying about her travel patterns, but really wanting to get a sense of what exactly
Survivin. All of magical provenance, which is why your spell is revealing them, but not this woman did with herself, day in and day out.
otherwise noteworthy.” Typically, Granger had a schedule ready -- colour-coded and planned to the hour.
“I see,” said Draco, who did not see at all. She waved her wand in the direction of her desk and the schedule floated to Draco
“I don’t know who your hypothetical analysis would be conducted by, in the event and deposited itself into his hands. Using his wand as an erstwhile quill, Draco drew
that these were to be stolen to uncover what I’m working on, but I should tell you circles around her moments of exposure, when she’d move between places and be
that very few people in the UK would be able to pull meaningful conclusions out of most vulnerable to attack.
this.” And there were many: the woman was everywhere and did everything. She had
Draco felt the false modesty in the words; by very few, she meant none at all -- I’m dedicated laboratory hours, clinic hours, teaching hours, volunteering for a horrid
surrounded by idiots and I’m the only one who can make sense of any of these amount of Good Causes, tutoring sessions, mentoring sessions, Healing at St.
horrifically named extracts. Mungo’s and what sounded like a local Muggle surgery, one (1) pub night every
“And those?” asked Draco, pointing to larger, rather more familiar looking vials fortnight with Potter and Friends, College dinners, something called “yoga” at unholy
along the back row. hours in the morning, something called “Crooks Vet” that recurred every three
“Your hypothetical analysts would discover perfectly brewed Sanitatem,” said months, and then occasional days, here and there, marked only with an asterisk.
Granger. “That’s a healing potion,” she added, quite unnecessarily. “What are these?” asked Draco, pointing at one of the blocks with an asterisk.
“A find of critical importance, in the laboratory of a Healer,” said Draco, his “...Holidays,” said Granger.
annoyance lapsing into sarcasm. “Your Occlumency might be passable, but your lying isn’t.”

12 | An unsporting attack Two | 17

 “I’ll concede that your research is more-or-less safe, physically, from most wizarding There was the tiniest quirk at the corner of Granger’s mouth -- amusement, rapidly
intruders,” said Draco. The vials settled back into place. “But it all lives in your head stifled.
and can therefore be read -- or tortured -- out of you, or any of your staff.” Draco was doing his own stifling, but in his case, it was exasperation. She had
“I’m the PI on the project in question. My staff consists of five undergraduates and wasted his time on a wild goose chase with those door wards, knowing that there was
eight graduate students whose combined understanding of the project is probably nothing of real use in the laboratory itself, unless one was in possession of about
fifteen percent, scattered through thirteen minds. They aren’t much of a twelve doctorates to put it all together.
vulnerability.” But she had to be recording findings -- she was too methodological and meticulous
Draco gave her a hard look. “Then you’re the vulnerability.” She, predictably, not to.
looked offended. Now Draco turned to a corner of the laboratory that he’d ignored as a matter of
“How’s your Occlumency?” asked Draco. The question was accompanied, of course. It was the most Muggleish area of the entire place -- a corner desk cluttered
course, by a friendly bit of Legilimency. with glowing boxes of light. Granger might as well have cast a Notice-Me-Not on the
Draco was granted a clear view of Granger’s perception of him at that precise lot. Had she? No, his detection spells showed nothing. That had been a feature of his
moment -- tall, arrogant ponce with good hair -- and then he was mentally slapped out own built-in habits -- his eyes almost naturally averted themselves from the unmagical,
of her mind. the Utterly Mundane, the Terribly Muggle. He’d have to watch that: clearly, a
He pressed a finger to the centre of his forehead: this witch was making his brain weakness.
sting. Meanwhile, Granger looked like she wished to double down and slap him in the He walked towards the desk. And, for the first time since Draco had entered the
material world for good measure -- and wouldn’t that just be a lovely throwback to laboratory, Granger actually perked up and looked interested in the proceedings. Now
their school days? he was getting somewhere.
“I thought we were assessing my laboratory, not me,” said Granger, her eyes “Computers,” said Draco, pulling up some distant memory from Muggle Studies.
flashing at him. ‘We’re assessing risk exposures,” said Draco. “And it’s quickly “Well done,” said Granger, with the tone one would take to praise an especially
becoming obvious that you’re a significant one. Is your home warded?” “Moderately. slow child who had correctly identified a barn animal.
I can enhance it.” Draco favoured her with a dark look. Her face was impassive, but her eyes betrayed
“I’ll enhance it,” said Draco. “How do you travel?” her -- she was curious about what he was going to do next.
“Floo, Apparition…” And, of course, he hadn’t the faintest sodding clue where to go from here, other
“Those are trackable, you know. Broom?” than jinxing the computers into submission -- but from what he recalled, these devices
“I detest flying,” said Granger. weren't sentient. He stood before the glowing boxes, upon which slow lines were
Draco made a valiant effort not to curl his lip. What a terrible position to take. moving in random patterns.
What a dreadful thing to hate. What a sad circumvention of one of the greatest joys of “...I’d need to bring in a Muggle-born,” said Draco at length.
being Magical. Granger fell in his esteem quite irredeemably. “O, yes, that would be a start,” said Granger. She looked at her nails. “You’d want
“Since when is Apparition trackable, other than the Trace?” asked Granger. to find one who is a decent hacker, too. I’m not sure many of those exist amongst
“Top secret,” said Draco, now in Granger’s office. He riffled through the various wizardkind, but perhaps one or two in the UK.”
stacks of paperwork and books, encountering, again, nothing but that highly “A Hacker.”
specialised, utterly incomprehensible Muggle jargon, and no sign of recent “Yes,” said Granger, offering no further explanation of the violent term.
developments, note-taking, record- keeping, or anything of a useful nature that might “If -- as I suspect -- your findings are in these things -- what’s to stop me, a baddie,
point him to Granger’s precious findings. from destroying the lot, and stopping your research in its tracks?” asked Draco.

16 | Draco Malfoy, Genius Inventor One | 13

 Granger shrugged. “It wouldn't matter. It’s all in the cloud.”
“The cloud.”
“Yes. I’d be out the cost of the equipment, that’s all.”
“So your bog standard Dark wizard, up to no good, wouldn’t have much to

2
discover here.” “I’m afraid not,” said Granger.
“The wards at the door were an amusing puzzle. Thank you for wasting my time.”
“I wanted to see if you’re as good as they say.”
Draco gave her a quick look, wanting to know who they was, because he did like to
hear how good he was.
Granger did not indulge him.
“I had a few other ideas for other hexes and things,” she said, gesturing to the door, DRACO MALFOY,
“but I hadn’t the time.”
“So, no evidence of concealment, no written findings, computers, clouds...” Draco GENIUS INVENTOR
looked at Granger. “If I’m a baddie who needs information, what do I do next?”
Granger looked at him inquiringly. “What do you do?”

T
“I go after you,” said Draco. he Lumos dissipated harmlessly into Granger’s robes, but her shock was
He raised his wand and, a split second later, his spell hit her in the chest. nevertheless evident.
“That was unnecessary,” she gasped, a hand at her breast.
Draco made his way towards Granger’s office with a bit of a saunter. “I promise
you other spells wouldn’t be so friendly.”
“No one’s going to be casting unfriendly spells at me for no reason,” said Granger,
following him.
“They don’t have a reason now, but if your Big Breakthrough is as significant as
Shacklebolt thinks, and if -- when -- it gets out, then...” He turned to her again, his
wand raised.
She was readier this time and spat out a Protego.
“Better,” said Draco. “How’s your resistance to the Imperius Curse?”
Granger grew still, her hand gripping her wand. “If you cast that on me in my own
laboratory, I shall drown you in Sanitatem and enjoy the irony.”
Draco glanced above him. Every vial of Sanitatem had levitated off the benches and
was hovering over his head. In a real situation, he’d Vanish the lot and blast Granger
through two walls for the cheek. But, nevertheless -- it was an impressive bit of
nonverbal magic.

14 | An unsporting attack Two | 15

would, as Draco nobly explained to Buckley, permit him to garner more hands-on why did she have to advise him of her attendance at Muggle ones? (because he said
experience. Buckley nodded with enthusiasm and put Draco in mind of a puppy. so); could he not make her home Unplottable, she had Muggle friends who might
He thus foisted off the three A.M. watch onto his zealous young colleague and want to visit? (no); and so on and so forth until they came to item 56.
went to bed. Granger refilled their tea and pulled out another packet of biscuits, given that
Draco felt as though he had just fallen asleep when his ring burnt him awake: pain Draco had stress- eaten the entirety of the first one.
and an elevated heart rate, reverberating from Cambridgeshire. “So. The ring,” said Granger.
It was half four. Nothing good ever happened at half four. Draco leapt out of bed “The ring,” repeated Draco. The crux of the thing -- the object that meant he
and pulled his cloak over his pyjamas. could continue his life in relatively happy, Granger-less freedom and still satisfy the
He was too far across the country for a direct Apparition to Granger. He blasted a Minister and Tonks.
fire into the hotel foyer's dusty grate and Flooed to a Cambridge pub, and from there “I’ve had it looked at by a few experts. It does seem quite safe. They were rather
Apparated to Granger’s ring. impressed by it, actually.”
Draco materialised in Granger’s spare bedroom, the one he called the ritual room. Draco wanted to say, Naturally; I’m a genius. Where is your FitZit now?
Granger was contorted into a dreadful, sweaty knot on the floor. Draco cast a He sipped his tea self-righteously instead.
flurry of Homenum Revelio and Finite Incantatem, looking for the invisible assailant “I’ve also had a chat with Tonks,” continued Granger. “She probably told you
who was obviously casting Crucio on her. how much she likes the idea, too. Means you’ll be able to take on other assignments
“Malfoy?” came Granger’s strangled voice from the floor. while monitoring me at a distance. So -- all told, glowing reviews all around, with
Draco’s revelation spells showed absolutely nothing. minimal cons, and I am willing to proceed. I do have a question for you, however.”
“What the bloody hell are you doing?” asked Draco. “Yes?” said Draco, even though he had a fair guess about the question. In fact, he
Granger collapsed out of the horrid tangle and found her knees. “Yoga. What the was surprised she hadn’t asked earlier.
bloody hell are you doing?” “How does the information tracked by the ring come to you?”
Draco had seen this mysterious term on Granger’s schedule. “That’s yoga? What Draco held up his hand and waved his wand at it, cancelling the Notice-Me-Not
kind of self- inflicted martyrdom--?” Charm there. “Ah,” said Granger, as the silver ring on Draco’s finger came into view.
Now that he had ascertained that there was no immediate threat, Draco could take Her gaze flicked from Draco’s ring to the one on the table. Then, after some
in the scene. There were candles flickering in a corner and soft music was playing. private deliberations in that overlarge brain of hers, she said, quite intelligently in
Granger was outfitted in those ridiculously form-fitting Muggle clothes, khaki green Draco’s opinion, “I shan’t ask more questions about the original use of these things.
this time. Her hair was pulled into a French braid, thick as Draco’s wrist. I feel that further details might put me off the whole affair.”
Granger was looking at him like he was an absolute bellend. “I was trying a “Good shout,” said Draco.
Taraksvasana--” Because, yes, these ancient rings had long been worn by married couples in the
“A what?” Malfoy family. His mother had removed hers many years ago, following Lucius
“A scorpion handstand -- I’ve been working towards it for weeks, and I almost had Malfoy’s death in Azkaban -- the ring’s silence was a constant reminder of the loss
it, until you came in like a bolt from the blue and frightened me out of my wits!” and she could no longer bear to wear it.
Draco was feeling increasingly foolish. He pulled his cloak closed to cover his Draco had modified the rings so that there would only be one-way
pyjamas. There was little he could do about his bare feet. “What, pray, is the point of communication between Granger’s and his. He certainly didn’t need her being
yoga?” alerted every time his heart rate spiked when he was having a morning wank,
“Flexibility. Strength. Balance. Finding serenity.” thanks.

68 | Finding Serenity Three | 33

 Living on in happy ignorance of these thoughts, Granger asked, “Is anything
special required or do I just -- just put it on?”
“I’ll do it,” said Draco. “It needs to be done by the person wearing the ring’s -- er,

6
mate.”
He tried to be gruff and businesslike about it, but there are very few things in the
world as un- businesslike as a man putting a ring on a woman’s finger, and it was
awkward despite his best attempts. He wondered if Granger found it as awkward as
he did. She was studying the kitchen wallpaper, a tint of pink high on her cheeks.
Her hand was small in his, and delicate. The ring went on effortlessly. He felt a
kind of enlivening in the ring on his own hand -- it had someone to talk to, now.
“The distress beacon is activated by twisting it three times around your finger,” Finding serenity
said Draco to break the silence. “Do that and I’ll Apparate to you immediately.”
Granger snapped away from her fascination with the wallpaper. “All right.”

A
“Do reserve it for critical situations, Granger -- not because you’ve found tea fter their Imbolc outing, Granger all but disappeared from Draco’s life. He
spilled on a book.” visited her laboratory and home once a week to recast the wards, but their
“I’m very much hoping I’ll never have to use it at all.” She looked at the ring schedules rarely coincided, and he saw her cat more often than he saw her.
glinting on her hand. “At least the thing didn’t immediately try to kill me.” Occasionally, his Jotter would buzz, and inform him that Granger was
“Don’t get too comfortable: it could be playing a long game.” attending X public event at Y location. As her assigned Auror, she left his
Draco tapped the scroll they had discussed ad nauseum, integrating the scribbled attendance to his discretion, though she made it clear his presence would be
results of their back-and-forth into a clean version. Then he created a duplicate for superfluous at best and bothersome at worst.
her. Most of the events took place in secure magical locations -- panels at St. Mungos
“Now that we’ve finalised this, you must stick with it. We’ve established a duty or Huntercombe, symposia at magical universities -- so Draco had rarely seen a need
of care and I’d rather not be dragged in front of the Wizengamot for professional to exert himself and attend. In the unlikely event of a research panel devolving into a
negligence resulting in the death of the great Hermione Granger.” Situation, they had the rings.
“I understand,” came the great Hermione Granger’s serious reply. Tonks, seeing that Draco’s reports had become rather rote and that the Granger
“Good. Now, before I go, one last thing.” Draco dug a hand into his pocket. assignment was taking up only a little of his time, gleefully piled on additional
“My owl’s lost half a pound of weight since we’ve been communicating, so I--” missions. The cruel reward for competence was More Work and Draco wondered
“Feed him more treacle tart,” interjected Granger. Her cat was on her lap, whether Potter and Weasel and their general bumbling wasn't the better plan, after
finishing the tin of tuna. all.
“--I’ve decided to give into the trend and buy these things,” finished Draco. He And so, Draco found himself bunking with Buckley in a dingy hotel in
placed a pair of Weasleys’ Jabbering Jotters on the table. “You’ve probably heard of Manchester, where they were gathering intelligence on a group of Dark artefact
them -- all the rage amongst the younger generation. Owls aren’t quite the thing smugglers.
anymore. Not immediate enough.” Buckley was a good sort. He was a newish Auror, over-eager and keen to prove
In Draco’s opinion, a sad end to a long Wizarding tradition. One couldn’t write himself, which meant that Draco could take on a more -- well, he would call it
a strongly worded letter on a Jabbering Jotter -- one simply couldn’t. managerial -- role, and delegate the majority of his surveillance shifts to the lad. This

34 | House Call by Genius Inventor Six | 67

 The wail faded. “I am familiar with those,” said Granger. She was very obviously holding back a
“I’m going to throw that blasted thing out of the window,” said Draco. smirk. Draco weighed the pros and cons of asking for the reason behind the smirk.
“Don’t. I’ve grown rather fond of it.” He decided against: between her and the cat, the levels of smugness in the room
Thanks to some rather zippy driving on Granger’s part (“Speed limits? A would soon asphyxiate him.
suggestion, really,” as the Sneakoscope sang) they made it to Tynstesfield half an “So you know how they work?” asked Draco, passing her the small magical
hour before closing. notepad.
Granger was able to partake in the library and the orangery, and Draco enjoyed a “O, yes,” said Granger, accepting the object. “Thank you. I feel bad about your
poppyseed cake from the café, and they watched the sunset together, and only owl.”
quarreled four times. “He’ll recover and soon grow fat from lack of exercise.”
His job here done, Draco rose with a general mutter of thanks for the tea.
Granger replied with some inaudible words of gratitude for the warding.
The cat attempted to trip him and break his neck on the way out of the kitchen.
Draco decided that that was a suitable end to an unpleasant evening.

66 | The Keepers Three | 35

 Draco wanted to scream with laughter, but felt that would be unprofessional.
He settled for gasping out, “The decadence.”
“I wish you’d go away,” said Granger with cutting sincerity. “The absolute sin of
it all,” said Draco.

4
“Please Apparate home to your mother—”
“A library. I shall have to report it.”
“--As you can see, I’m quite safe here; the only remotely bad things are your
attempts at humour.”
“What other naughty habits do you have? Churchgoing? Baking?”
Imbolc “It’s a remarkable library.”
“Of course, it must be.”
“And I don’t know when I’ll be back in Somerset.”
“Yes.”

I
n his handful of years working with Potter and Weasley, Draco had developed a “It’s one of the largest libraries owned by the National Trust.”
cool, professional kind of rapport with them, which Weasley demonstrated the “Mm.”
next morning by calling, “Oi! Dickhead!” and hanging over Draco’s cubicle wall “The estate also has a beautiful orangery -- a rare surviving example from the late
like a disjointed ginger muppet. Victorian period.”
“What do you want, Weasel?” “A thrill, to be sure.”
“We heard Hermione’s been assigned Auror protection -- and that the bloke’s a “All of these are things I wish to enjoy without you.”
tosser,” said Weasley. Draco spotted the clenched jaw that signalled Granger reaching a breaking point
“Was that her description, or yours?” -- either a jinx, or a painfully incisive remark was forthcoming. He backed off.
Potter, whose disastrous hair and vivid green eyes popped up over the cubicle wall, “Fine. You can visit your blessed Titsfield--”
said, “Ours. She says you’ve been quite professional. We know the truth.” “Tynstesfield.”
“Lucky bugger,” said Weasley. “How come Tonks gives us the vampires, and you the “--And I shall wait in the car. I can sincerely say I haven’t the slightest desire to
Hermione- minding? You don’t even like her.” join you--”
“I understand that it was a question of competence,” said Draco. “Tonks said she The rest of his sentence was overpowered by a sudden wail. Draco swore. The
needed to assign the finest Auror to protect the finest mind in the UK--” sodding Sneakoscope.
Weasley scoffed; Potter laughed. Granger took her eyes off the road to give him a look of absolute surprise. “It’s
“--And the nuisance Aurors to deal with the nuisance vampires,” finished Draco. malfunctioning, clearly,” said Draco.
“I said no such thing,” said Tonks, waddling by in the form of a short, overweight “Clearly,” repeated Granger somberly.
man. “Shouldn’t you all be off working, you blatherskites? You’re all nuisance Aurors, as Draco gave the glovebox a harrowing glare.
far as I’m concerned.” “Hoisted by your own petard,” said Granger.
Potter and Weasley chortled. Draco was offended. All of her previous annoyance had dissipated. She was most definitely holding
back a grin.

36 | IMbolc Five | 65
 “Me?” said Draco. “Not a bloody chance -- one of them wanted to sip my brain “What’s Hermione working on, anyway, that’s got old Shack so worked up?” asked
out of my skull, or didn’t you hear that part?” Weasley. “She won’t tell us.”
“She’d need a rather thick straw,” mused Granger. “That information’s on a need-to-know basis,” said Draco, tapping his nose.
“Funny.” He hadn’t a clue either, but winding up the Nuisance Duo was always a good time.
“You could land head-first on your way down, next time, make a bit of a The two of them looked suitably annoyed that Draco seemed to know something they
milkshake for her...” didn’t.
Draco stared at Granger. Perhaps it was Healer humour, but she could be grisly “Work!” shouted Tonks from her office.
when she worked off her adrenaline. Maybe it was a good thing she didn’t play “Yes, boss,” replied Weasley.
Quidditch. Then again, pondered Draco, she might make an exceptional Beater: no “Word to the wise, Malfoy,” said Potter as they left. “Don’t insult Hermione’s cat.”
bludgers needed, Danger Granger could collapse psyches with a few syllables. “Too late,” said Draco.
They passed through the gift shop (Eunice gave Draco a lovelorn look) and
through the car park back to Granger’s Mini.
“Is there anything I can say that will make you go away?” asked Granger. Two weeks passed, during which all was quiet on the Granger front. Her ring had been
“No,” said Draco. calibrated to alert Draco to extreme physiological or emotional shifts that might indicate
“What if I ask nicely?” immediate danger: significant spikes of fear, panic, pain, or an unusually high heart rate.
“No.” In general, Granger seemed to be miraculously even-tempered. There was one day
“I’m not going to go interact with anything Dark -- or anyone at all. It doesn’t when Draco’s ring tingled at him throughout the morning, signalling that Granger’s
even have anything to do with my project.” pulse was elevated at various points -- but not quite at the threshold signalling a wild
Draco studied her. She looked genuinely crestfallen that he was going to ruin a panic.
third activity on today’s list. He decided to be charitable. “Tell me what it is and I’ll He set it out of his mind and joined Goggin and a few junior Aurors for a hand-to-
decide if it’s dangerous or not. Perhaps I’ll wait in the car.” hand combat session. Tonks insisted that her Aurors not only maintained their Duelling
Granger checked her Muggle pocket device. Apparently, it gave the time, expertise through rigorous practise, but also their abilities as physical fighters. Many had
amongst other things. “Damn it. They’re closing in an hour. Get in. I’ll tell you on moaned about having to learn to fight like Muggles. Tonks had set them straight: a
the way.” disarmed Auror with hand-to-hand training could still outmanoeuvre, disarm, or maim
They got in without mishap, Draco having now developed an expertise in an opponent, if he kept his wits about him. A wandless Auror without those things was
opening Muggle car doors. a very dead Auror.
“One thing before we go, Miss Dab Hand at Extension Charms,” said Draco. Granger’s elevated pulse -- the fourth such incident that morning -- interrupted
“Extend this footwell before I behead myself with my own knees.” Draco’s spar. His momentary distraction earned him a solid uppercut from Goggin.
He called for a pause, clutching at his jaw, and used the Jotter to send Granger an
annoyed message, consisting solely of punctuation:
As it turned out, Granger’s moment of pure self-indulgence? Her terrible
indiscretion? Her vice? ????
Visiting a library.
“A library?” repeated Draco. Losing a patient.
“Yes. At Tynstesfield.”

64 | The Keepers Four | 37

 Draco didn’t respond, mostly because he didn’t know what to say, but also “Too bad,” said Draco. “Any trust I might’ve had in your judgement has just
because Goggin had decided that the break was over and was now attempting to been obliterated by your decision to haggle with hags, without a single sodding
concuss him. contingency plan if they got peckish.” Granger made a sound that was more growl
A while later he received the following missive from Granger: than anything else.
“Anyway -- what self-indulgence? What’s your vice, Granger?”
“None of your bloody business.”
By the way - going out of town “I promise I’ve seen worse, whatever it is.”
tomorrow morning, just for the day. I Granger ignored him, Disillusioning the two of them while Draco made guesses
know our agreement said 24 hours at her secret peccadillo: a brothel? Getting detention? Offal couscous?
notice for departures and this is They stepped onto the platform. Draco heard the invisible Granger take a deep,
more like 12. Sorry, it’s been hellish. steadying breath. It served her well for the long scream that accompanied their
expulsion to the surface.
And just like that, they were back in the Chalice Well Gardens, blinking in the
Where?
sunshine. Draco couldn’t immediately step off the platform -- Granger was holding
Somerset. onto him like a drowning creature clinging to a lifeline. An echo of her heartbeat
and fear thundered through his ring. Her grip shook. She was terrified.
She made to step away, but her knees buckled, and she swung back into Draco
Why?
instead. “Fucking -- damned -- sodding -- gah!” said Granger into Draco’s chest.
“A brilliant observation,” said Draco.
Holiday. His voice seemed to bring her back to herself. She held him for a moment
longer, then took a shaky breath and stepped away with a muttered apology. Draco
One of those asterisk glanced about for Muggles and, seeing none, he cancelled their Disillusionment.
holidays? Back in the realm of the visible, Granger looked bloodless.
“That was awful,” she said.
“I thought it was rather fun.”
“Yes, well -- you’re also one of that diverse cohort of lunatics who enjoys
Granger didn’t respond. So, yes.
Quidditch.”
That evening, while Draco was at dinner, his ring signalled pain. But it wasn’t
“Oi.”
physical pain. It was the heart-pain of grief, from somewhere in Cambridgeshire.
They followed the meandering path back to the entrance of the Gardens. Draco
The poignancy of the feeling surprised him. The sincerity of it. Granger truly was a
could see that Granger’s hands -- well, her fingertips where they peeped out of her
Do-Gooder to the core. He supposed that she had got home and was giving way to
anorak -- were still trembling.
the loss of her patient.
She ran her hands down her arms a few times. “Right. You needn’t worry about
“Draco? Is everything all right?”
me ever coming back to barter with the Voodoo Twins. I never want to use that
death trap again. If I need another sample, I’ll just send you.”

38 | IMbolc Five | 63
 Draco stared into space, running a hand through his hair. “I think one of those Draco found himself being observed by the thoughtful blue eyes of Narcissa
hags was about to say something, too. She started talking in rhymes. Fuck me. I Malfoy. He realised he’d stopped eating when the ghostly grief had suffused his
wonder which she knew, the how or the when--” senses.
“The tales are utterly unsubstantiated,” cut in Granger like the Chief Swot she “I'm fine,” said Draco. “Just thinking about work.”
was. “They don’t know anything. Don’t start thinking about it.” Draco hadn’t told his mother that he’d requisitioned the Malfoy rings. He was
“Too late. I am thinking about it. What rhymes with skies?” asked Draco. “Flies? certain that she wouldn’t agree with his repurposing, nor with his choice of
Spies?” Somehow, Granger was squeezing her large flask of well water into a pocket recipient.
of her anorak. The impossibility of it distracted Draco from his morbid He cast about for a safe subject for discussion and remarked on the nicer-than-
suppositions. usual flower arrangement in the centre of the table. Floristry was one of his mother's
“What the--?! What is this, the Anorak of a Thousand Pockets? How did that fit hobbies.
in there? You didn’t even shrink it.” “Do you like it?” asked his mother, leaning over to touch a few delicate petals.
“I’m a dab hand at Extension Charms,” said Granger, rather too lightly. “Can She seemed in a pensive mood. “It’s Imbolc tomorrow.”
we--” “Imbolc?” The word was vaguely familiar to Draco -- some Pagan festival or
“So that’s how you were carrying around those unholy offerings for the Voodoo other.
Twins,” said Draco. Finally, one Granger mystery solved. “You do know that those Narcissa pulled up an already perfectly placed blossom and replaced it even more
Charms are heavily regulated by the Ministry, don’t you?” perfectly in the bouquet. “Yes -- it marks the end of winter. Your grandmother used
“I’m aware, thank you,” said Granger, snippy. “If I’m reported by anyone -- to observe those old traditions when I was a little girl. The house would be
hopefully not present company, if he knows what’s good for him -- I’m prepared to decorated with snowdrops and daffodils on every surface, we’d have a feast -- and
pay fines in exchange for the convenience.” we’d feel hopeful, knowing that spring was finally on its way.”
“Oh, I see. Is that why you haul enormous sacks of Galleons about? For fines?” Draco made some polite reply. His mother watched him eat, her own hands
“No. I carry those for ballast." folded onto her lap. She had something else to say.
Granger fished about in her pocket and, for a wild moment, Draco thought she “What is it?” asked Draco.
was going to pull a sack of Galleons out to swing at his head. But no: she merely “Are you going to be home tomorrow? I've got some friends coming for tea.”
produced out her wand and waved it to tell the time. Draco made a few quick calculations. Those few friends would most certainly
“Ugh -- I’m late! I had one other thing to do, but you’ve put me so far behind happen to have lovely and accomplished daughters, who would no doubt come
schedule...” too. His mother had grown rather less subtle about her matchmaking since he’d
Draco raised his eyes to the mushroomy ceiling. Of course it was his fault. “What turned thirty.
thing?” Unfortunately for Narcissa (and the eligible young ladies), Draco’s own interest
He and Granger squelched their way towards the manhole cover nestled in anything longer term than dirty weekend escapades in Paris was nil. He’d done
amongst the fungi. the longer term thing once -- a two-year engagement to Astoria -- and it had been
“A moment of pure self-indulgence,” said Granger. “I’ve wanted to go for ages sufficient to confirm that, no matter how Pure-blooded and well-bred the witch, he
and now I’m in the area, but...” wasn’t ready for marriage.
“But what?” Granger’s note earlier that day offered a convenient lifeline. Draco grimaced and
“You’re here,” said Granger. “And I don’t want you to be.” said, “I’ll be working. Business in Somerset tomorrow.”

62 | The Keepers Four | 39

 Granger herself didn’t know she’d have company, but too bad for her. He’d call “You've just given them the ingredients for offal couscous! If those weren’t hags,
it a spot check. Her safety against threats real -- or imagined by Shacklebolt -- was his then what the hell were they?”
highest priority, after all. “I don’t know! They -- or successive incarnations of them, anyway -- have
Narcissa seemed unsurprised at the ready excuse. “A pity. Next time, then.” recurred in texts about the Green Well for centuries. They’re usually described as
Dinner concluded. Draco retreated to his chambers, where he took a long bath crone figures. They aren’t evil. They’re ancient.”
and nursed his training wounds. “They were bloody She-Dementors, and you’re never to deal with that kind of
His Jotter buzzed. He summoned it to find a note from Granger, a delayed creature again, without telling me first. I need you to understand that if anything
response to his earlier question. happens to you, Shacklebolt will have my head, then Tonks will have my balls, then
Potter and Weasley will scavenge the rest. My mother would bury me in a marmite
jar. Do you understand?”
Yes, one of the asterisk holidays. A “Fine. But you’re overreacting.” Granger shook her flask of water at him. “I got
spot of sightseeing. I’ll turn the ring if what I came for. I was prepared. I said the right things and brought the right gifts.”
I need you. Now she hit her stride and went on the offence. “You almost threw a wrench in the
works, getting so bloody hostile that they started taunting you. They could’ve told
you things that would’ve tormented you for years--”
That last sentence was Granger-speak for “I don’t need you, do not come, you “What things? What do you mean?” interrupted Draco, freshly disturbed.
are not invited.” No doubt she would get shirty when he turned up. The thought “Nothing,” said Granger. Seeing how intensely he was looking at her, she
elicited an unexpected tingle of amusement. stepped back. “It’s stupid.”
Then something that had been percolating in the back of Draco’s mind since “What things, Granger?” repeated Draco, looming over her now.
dinner clicked into place. He got out of the tub, dried himself off with a few waves She hesitated, but, in the face of his agitation, gave in. “It’s just -- part of the
of his wand, and summoned Granger’s schedule. legendarium surrounding the Keepers suggests that -- it’s silly, and obviously made
Tomorrow was -- what had his mother said? Imbolc? And that coincided with up -- suggests that they are Seers.”
one of Granger’s asterisks. “Seers,” repeated Draco.
Were there other such interesting coincidences? He ran through the rest of the “One of them knows when you die, and the other knows how you die.” Draco
dates. The next asterisk was a weekend in late March. Then one at the beginning of shuddered in spite of himself.
May. Then June. Then early August. Granger tucked a curl behind her ear and began to babble. “It’s all speculation,
Abuzz with anticipatory triumph, Draco descended to the Manor's library, of course. Storytelling. It’s such a common conceit in old magical texts. They love
where he pulled out a few volumes on Celtic and Germanic Pagan traditions. giving guardian figures added mystique with alleged powers. I don’t put much
He was right. Granger’s dates matched the old calendars. Draco rolled the old stock in stories involving precognition, of course--”
words out on his tongue. Imbolc. Ostara. Beltane. Litha. Lughnasadh. Mabon. Draco cut into her ramble. “How can you be so cavalier about that kind of
Samhain. legend? You’re literally best friends with the most precognitioned, prophesied,
What was Granger up to? Draco was officially intrigued. prognosticated, Bollocksing Boy Who Fucking Lived!”
Granger straightened and looked ready to sink her teeth into this new argument.
“That was a highly unusual occurrence.”

40 | IMbolc Five | 61
 “Don’t you start with the rhyming,” said the first Keeper to her sister. “We don’t Draco gave Granger the morning to set out on her Somerset adventure before he
want to mess with his melon.” joined her. That permitted him an exquisite lie-in, some invigorating flying in the
“Er -- I’m finished,” said Granger, who was now holding up her dripping flask. February wind, and the opportunity for a luxurious brunch. He kissed his mother’s
It was a blessed interjection. Draco was genuinely beginning to feel spooked and cheek with insincere regrets about missing tea.
trigger-happy. “Good girl,” said the first Keeper. “Mind you use it wisely.” Somerset was just far enough from Wiltshire that Draco had to Floo into a
“I will,” said Granger, stepping away from the two of them. “Th-thank you.” wizarding pub in Cannington before Apparating to Granger’s ring.
“Love and light, my girl,” said the first Keeper. The Apparition took a moment longer than usual, with an odd sort of stretch in
She and her sister cackled, as though that was the most riotous thing they had the final half-second, like it was trying to keep up with the destination. When he
ever heard. arrived, Draco understood why. Granger had been moving at a rather rapid pace,
Granger gave them a kind of bow and came back to Draco’s side. He kept his given that she was belting down a country lane in her car.
grip on his wand until they’d walked well out of the Keepers’ line of sight. Even Granger shrieked as Draco materialised in the seat beside her. His head was in
then, he felt the twin pairs of white eyes touching at the back of his head. the passenger footwell and his boots were, by the feel of it, in Granger’s face. It was
“No,” he said, holding Granger to him when she darted towards the altogether not his most graceful arrival.
underground book shop. Granger swerved onto a verge and brought the car to a halt. Draco turned
“But I wanted to—” himself the right way up with difficulty as a barrage of questions came his way,
“No,” said Draco, his grip on her elbow unyielding. “Let’s go.” including what the hell he thought he was doing, who did he think he was, how
Granger seemed to sense Draco's anxious anger and did not argue further. They dare he, and whether or not he was actually insane?
walked back to the low passage that led to the platform, Granger taking two steps Granger’s voice could be quite shrill. Penetrating, really.
for every one of his. “You just Apparated to a moving target! Have you completely lost the plot? You
When they were finally out of the central cave, Draco turned her to him. “What could’ve been Splinched into a hundred different pieces, scattered about the A37!”
the fuck was that? “I didn’t expect it to be a moving target,” said Draco, feeling dishevelled and a bit
You might’ve told me you were off to barter with Dark creatures!” sick. “Why are you driving?”
Granger’s face was pale in the phosphorescence. “I didn’t know they’d be so -- so--” “Because you told me Apparition and Floo were traceable.”
“Haggish? Cadaverous? Lethal? The way the first one was eyeing you, she “Who cares if they’re traceable? You’re allowed to be on holiday. Nice morning
looked like she wanted to pluck your bloody liver out! And you walked right up to for it, by the by,” he added, as rain pelted the car. “Unless your holiday has
her! No wand!” something to do with your project?”
“Stop manhandling me,” said Granger, shaking off his hands. “She was not Granger glared at him. “Aha,” said Draco.
going to pluck out my liver. They were nice to me. And they’re certainly not hags.” Seeing that the worst of the fracas had abated, Draco, having spotted a mirror
“Not hags?!” sputtered Draco. “You presented them with offal.” just above Granger’s head, swivelled it towards himself. It was the perfect height to
“That’s a traditional gift -- it’s what you’re meant to bring to the Keepers of the check one’s hair. Good sorts, Muggles, really -- they had their priorities straight.
Well.” Granger sputtered. “Did you just commandeer my rearview mirror to fix your
“Who look like hags, and smell like hags, and eat like hags,” enumerated Draco, hair?”
with irritated vigour. “You can have it back in a moment,” said Draco.
“They don’t eat like hags!” Granger was staring at him with an expression of dislike strong enough to unnerve a
lesser man.

60 | The Keepers Four | 41

 She swiveled the mirror back towards herself. “I need that. And get your “Yes -- if I might? I have an offering,” said Granger. Her figure was a slight
overlarge feet off my dash.” silhouette, backlit by the luminescence of the Green Well.
“It’s not my fault your car is so cramped,” said Draco, attempting to bring his “Show me,” said the Keeper.
legs in. The creature leaned towards Granger. There was something hungry in her
“It’s not my fault you’re a gangly marionette of a man who decided to Apparate movements. Draco’s wand-hand twitched: if the thing moved any closer to
into my Mini.” Granger, he had a decapitation curse ready to be unleashed.
Before Draco had time to register his offence at this unfair comparison, she got Granger, as always, was well-prepared. From somewhere in her anorak (where?!)
to the crux of the issue. she produced three large satchels, which she passed into the claws of the creature.
“And why are you here?” “Grain, offal, gold.”
“I’m conducting a spot check,” said Draco. The second Keeper shuffled over, stuck her talon-like fingers into one of the
“A spot check,” repeated Granger, looking thoroughly unconvinced. “Yes.” bags, and pulled out a handful of glinting Galleons. (And where had Granger come
“And? Have you established that I’m sound of mind and body?” by an entire sack of Galleons, by the by?)
Draco examined her critically. She seemed sound of body, from what he could The gold’s provenance did not seem to worry the second Keeper, at any rate. She
see under the hat, anorak, scarf, and Muggle walking boots. Soundness of mind was crooned her satisfaction. “Very nice. Lovely. Let the good girl through.”
less easy to gauge -- there was a sparkle of something dangerous in her eye. The first Keeper gestured Granger forward. “Haven’t you got a vessel, child?”
“Well?” she pushed. “I’m fine, as you can see. You can go away now.” Granger produced a large flask, whose golden stopper shone in the dim light.
Draco decided to take the high road and attempt some honesty. “I’m also using “Yes -- will this do?”
this as a pretext.” The thing wheezed in assent. At a gesture from the Keeper, Granger plunged
“A pretext for what?” the flask into the Green Well.
“Avoiding some unpleasantness at home.” The second Keeper stared at Draco, as though aware of his tightly gripped wand
“What sort of unpleasantness?” and the well- practised curses that awaited on his tongue. She sniffed the air in his
Relentless sort of witch. “My mother is having ladies over for tea.” direction.
Whatever Granger was expecting, it hadn’t been that. A queer expression flashed “Put the wand away, little boy. This girl won’t be meeting her demise here.”
across her face, as of one holding back a laugh. “Ladies over for tea?” she repeated. The first Keeper looked up from where she stood beside Granger. “The wizard
“Yes. What is so funny?” is worried, is it?”
“I thought it’d be something more -- more fearsome.” The held-back laughter “It is.”
faded. “Anyway, I don’t want to suffer because you’re afraid of some ladies. I don’t The first Keeper’s white eyes caught Draco’s. There was ancient magic in them.
need, nor want, you hanging about today. I have things to do.” He dared not perform Legilimency on this old mind.
“It’s Imbolc today,” said Draco conversationally. "Did you know?" Granger said She cackled as though he had spoken aloud. “That’s right, you won’t. Silly boy.
nothing, but looked freshly annoyed. I’d make your brain soup and drink it while it's still warm, wouldn't I?”
“What’re you up to in Somerset at Imbolc?” asked Draco. “I didn’t know you “But look at his eyes,” sighed the other Keeper. “Eyes like the rain-troubled
kept the Old Ways. You don’t seem the type for flowers and dancing about poles.” skies...”
When Granger didn’t answer him again, Draco smirked and settled himself into Cold dread trickled down Draco’s spine, though the creature hadn’t spoken a
his seat. “I’ve assessed the situation and -- since it’s obviously to do with your direct threat. He wondered whether his Darker curses would even be of use against
these things -- perhaps he should be thinking Light.

42 | IMbolc Five | 59
apothecary. The entire place was lit solely by the glow of the mushrooms, which dangerous project -- I will be monitoring you today, for your own safety. Per item 11
were everywhere -- the floor, the walls, dangling from the ceiling. of my recommendations. Don’t argue.”
“Omphalotus luxaeterna,” said Granger. “Pretty, in a slimy sort of way.” “I will eject you from this car,” said Granger.
If she added a “Like you,” Draco was going to hex her -- his ego had taken “You can’t do that.”
enough abuse today. “I can. This button, here,” said Granger, pointing to a round thing on the
She didn’t. (It was almost disappointing that she’d let the occasion slip.) dashboard. “It’s a safety feature Muggles invented.”
They came at last to the Green Well -- a bubbling green-lit wellspring, flanked by A whining whistle began to wail through the car. Granger jumped. “What is
two statues in the penumbra. At least, Draco had thought they were statues -- until that?”
they moved. “Oh, that,” said Draco. “A safety feature wizards invented. I put a Sneakoscope
“The Keepers of the Well,” said Granger, who seemed unsurprised at the sight. in your glovebox, as you suggested. You lied to me about the eject button and I’m
“Right. You stay here. I need to do the talking. They have to be dealt with politely. hurt.”
And respectfully.” Granger leaned over him and popped open the glovebox (“Ow -- my knees!”) to
Ignoring the insinuation that he couldn’t be polite or respectful, Draco said, “I see that there was indeed a Sneakoscope therein. It whistled and flashed for a few
think I’d rather come.” moments more, then, given that there was no more lying going on, it stilled.
His eyes strained to get a sense of what, exactly, lurked in the mushroom- There was a long silence. Granger pulled back into her seat, leaned her forehead
speckled darkness. Granger’s irritation flared immediately. “You said you wouldn’t on the steering wheel, and appeared to be collecting herself.
get in the way. You’re not even meant to be here. This is delicate. And critically “Fine,” she said at length. “You can stay for the duration of this distressing tea of
important.” your mother’s. Just don’t get in my way.”
“Fine,” hissed Draco. “I’ll stay here.” She turned the key and the car’s engine kicked into life. “Put on your seatbelt. Or
He was within hexing range, anyway. don’t. I suppose I don’t care if you die a gruesome death.”
Granger advanced. Draco peered at the two black-draped, hunch-backed forms. The Sneakoscope wailed again. Granger swore at it quite colourfully.
Were they witches? It was hard to tell in the dark. If they were witches, they most “What does that button really do?” asked Draco when the row had faded.
certainly had Hag blood, somewhere up the family tree. As well as a few other This innocent question seemed to set Granger off anew. “It used to be the stereo
things, no doubt. system -- until someone’s warding messed it up. Now it only plays Austrian folk
Their twin pale stares, as luminescent as the mushrooms around them, songs.”
disconcerted him. He found himself gripping his wand as Granger stepped up to Draco pressed the button. Austrian folk songs began to play.
the nearest of the Keepers. Granger’s hands were tight on the steering wheel as she pulled back onto the road. It
His first thought, as he processed this situation, was that Granger was either was clear that, in her opinion, Draco was the real Nuisance Auror.
stupidly brave, or absolutely fucking reckless. Secondly, he didn’t like this at all.
These beings felt Dark. Old. Dangerous.
Yes, Tonks: she was killed by a Hag. Yes, I was right there. Yes, I let her walk right Muggle signposting was excellent. As they made their way down progressively
up to it. Yes, she was disembowelled right in front of me. She wanted to pop by for windier country lanes, Draco was able to guess at their final destination with a
some fancy water from this well, you know; nothing else would do. degree of certainty.
“Here for a fill, dearie?” croaked the Keeper to Granger. The husky, dry voice “Glastonbury,” he said. “Interesting.”
echoed eerily.

58 | The Keepers Four | 43

 Granger said nothing. Her displeasure at his presence continued and she was not “That symbolises the interplay between the physical and spiritual worlds,” said
hiding it. It mattered little to Draco -- a rainy drive through the English countryside Granger. Draco could make out her ghostly wand gesturing at it. “You might
with an angry Granger was a refreshing change from the usual too-small sandwiches recognise the shape -- the Red Well is constructed the same way. Let’s get on. It’s the
and coquettish fortune-hunters. platform down.”
Honestly, the winding drive, the Austrian music, the fuming witch -- it was They stood together on the manhole cover, rather squished.
absurd, it was amusing, it was fun. “Incantation?” asked Draco, getting a mouthful of Granger’s invisible hair for
Draco reached to press another button on the car’s central panel, out of curiosity. the trouble.
Granger slapped his hand away. “Vesica piscis,” said Granger, mimicking the circular symbol with a wand-wave.
She had decent reflexes, reflected Draco as he sucked on his stinging knuckle. The manhole cover shuddered. Granger crept closer to him. She smelled like a
Instead of driving down the street that led into the town of Glastonbury proper, gorgeous combination of rain, wet forest, cappuccino, and soap.
Granger made a detour to a car park at the edge of a forest. Then, without a by-your-leave, the platform dropped out from under them.
There, a footpath winded into a woodland, rather soaked and frosty-looking at The gorgeous-smelling witch clung to Draco and pierced both of his eardrums
this time of year. with her shriek.
“What’s this?” asked Draco. Thank the heavens for those silencing charms, thought Draco as they fell.
“The Mendip Way,” replied Granger, in that way she had of answering his A thick cushioning spell met them at the bottom of the drop. Which was
questions without actually answering his questions. She got out of the car. “I’m excellent, as Draco hadn’t intended to break both of his ankles today.
going for a walk. You may wait in the car.” He and Granger landed, bounced painfully into each other -- he was quite
May he? So generous. Draco -- after a brief struggle with the handle -- let himself certain he’d elbowed her in the tit; she narrowly avoided his groin with her knee --
out of the vehicle. He withheld groans as he stamped some feeling back into his legs. and collapsed, spread-eagled, on a thick bed of glowing fungi.
Granger observed his emergence from the Mini with her hands on her hips. He “Wow. A first class voyage,” drawled Draco in the dark.
felt her observing his choice of clothing (his Auror robes over his perennial suit) and “Gah,” responded Granger with something less than her usual acumen.
footwear (perfectly functional dragonhide boots). She must’ve concluded that it Draco rose. Granger was somewhere on his left. She didn’t seem to be making out
would have to do -- or otherwise, that it wouldn’t do, and would put him in peril, quite as well as he was -- she was rather shocked.
and that that was perfect. “C-couldn’t they set up a levitation charm?” she asked weakly. “I thought that
At any rate, she turned around and began to walk towards the woods. thing was a lift. I didn’t expect a h-harrowing plummet to my death.”
Draco saw her cast some rain-repelling and warming charms on herself. He Malfoy groped about in the dimness to find that his coffee was a lost cause. A
imitated her; it seemed a good idea. pity.
As they entered the dark Mendip Way, Draco cast a few detection spells, looking They dismissed their Disillusionments and, when Granger managed to find her
for evidence of other beings, magical or Muggle. However, it seemed that only he feet, began to walk down a passage illuminated by large, bioluminescent
and Granger were mad enough to go for a ramble on a day like this. Save some roe mushrooms. The sound of trickling water echoed throughout. Draco saw that even
deer in a nearby clearing, they were alone. the walls were wet with a constant stream of moisture.
Satisfied that no madmen were about to vault out and attack Granger, Draco As they entered a kind of long, low-ceilinged cave, Draco saw that there were
caught up to her in a few long strides. other witches and wizards about. In a corner was what looked like a kind of book
It quickly became obvious that this wasn’t just a walk for Granger’s health. She shop, which Granger eyed longingly. There was also a counter that served as an
was looking for something. Or several somethings. She peered into the underbrush,

44 | IMbolc Five | 57
 “Overpriced.” touched the trunks of trees, gently caught the fronds of ferns in her palm and
Draco hid his scoff in the cup. studied them. She took nothing, however, and so quashed any theories about
Granger set them on a course towards the gardens. The rain began to let up and ingredient gathering that Draco might have been entertaining.
make way for tentative sunlight. The gardens were unexpectedly lovely, even if the They progressed in this manner for a good half hour, marked by a pause to
Muggles in charge didn’t have access to the warming charms and magical additives refresh their fading Impervius charms.
that made wizarding gardens such a spectacle through winter. Draco thought his Finally, Granger stopped, and pulled out a list.
mother might even appreciate the place. Though it was February, there was colour Draco unashamedly peeked over her shoulder.
about, thanks to careful plant selections. Musical gurgles of water from wellsprings
everywhere added auditory interest and the whole thing was gently illuminated by Singing Sedge
hundreds upon hundreds of candles tucked away in stony recesses. Greater Bladderwort
Signposts here and there asked visitors to maintain silence, out of respect for Royal Fern
those meditating. Granger cast a silencing charm around the two of them so that Ophioglossun vulgatum
they could talk. Wood-sorrel
They came upon the Red Well -- aptly named, with its rust-coloured water. Mellifluous
Draco read the plaque with passing interest. As Granger had noted earlier, the Honewort
Muggles had fabricated some fanciful bit of Christian mythology suggesting the
Helianthemum apenninum
Holy Grail was buried here. There were also a few references to Arthurian legend.
Helianthemum nummularium
“The Muggles know about Morgan le Fay?” asked Draco, an eyebrow rising at
Spiny
the sight of such a famous witch’s name on a Muggle placard.
Restharrow
“Yes -- but she’s a figure of myth,” said Granger. “Most of them don’t think she
Tassel Moss
really existed.” Draco tutted. Imagine.
Next, they strolled through the well house that contained the White Spring -- a
Granger used her wand to cross out the majority of the list. Only the Tassel Moss
dark, wet-smelling place, where Muggles had decorated the rough stone walls with
candles and small shrines to deities real and imagined: Saint Brigid, the Lady of remained. “What’s Tassel Moss?” asked Draco.
Avalon, the King of the Faeries... Granger flinched away from him. Apparently, she’d been so much in her own
“Here we are,” said Granger, as they made their way down a quieter, less-used head that she’d quite forgotten that Draco was there, much less noticed that he was
path round the back of the well house. “There should be a sort of platform to take skulking over her shoulder.
us down to the Green Well. We’ll have to use our wands to get in -- let’s Disillusion Her hand flew to her fast-beating heart (Draco felt faint echoes of it through the
ourselves in case any Muggles pass by.” ring). He expected to be told off. However, her bad mood seemed to have been
replaced by tentative excitement related to this list.
Granger was now a Granger-shaped patch of garden in front of Draco,
glimmering in the weak February sun. “One of the rarer mosses in this part of England,” said Granger. “Why are you
They stopped (well, Granger stopped, and Draco ran into her) at what looked looking for it?”
like a manhole cover, tucked halfway under a bush. Across its weathered, cast-iron Granger began to walk again, her attention focused, this time, on dead logs, old
surface, were two large circles, intersecting under dead leaves and moss. stumps, and other likely habitats. “Because it will confirm that I’m in the right place.”
“The right place for what?”

56 | The Keepers Four | 45

 Granger waved the question away. “I’m merely confirming a theory.” “The Venus Incense, I think,” said Eunice. She grasped a packet and waved the
“What theory?” pungent thing under Draco’s nose. “Although, with your need for grounding,
(Draco, too, could be relentless.) perhaps the Saturn...”
“Something related to my project,” said Granger with irritating ambiguity She rummaged around the shelf and said things about transmuting energy and
“What’s moss got to do with your Chimaera cells, or whatever?” ascending to the celestial plane. Draco spied Granger’s hat bobbing in his direction
“Nothing -- at least, not directly.” She turned to look at him through the rain, as through the crowd.
though to gauge what was worth telling him. “I’m retracing the steps of an old, long- “I have to go,” he said, making his escape.
forgotten witch whose work included -- amongst many things -- descriptions of “Oh, do you?” Eunice seemed put out. She slipped something into Draco’s
certain sacred sites in the British Isles.” hand. “My card. I do chakra realignments. Do reach out -- our energies are quite
“So, the Vale of Avalon?” compatible...”
“Specifically, Glastonbury’s Chalice Well. Or at least, that’s my educated guess. Not Eunice floated away just as Granger arrived, bearing coffees.
much of her work is still extant today. All we have are fragments. She tended to wax “Who was that?” asked Granger, observing the retreating flutter of scarves.
lyrically on flora, which helps me narrow down possible locations by cross-referencing “Eunice,” said Draco. “She gave me this. Do you need your chakras realigned?”
the rarer plants. Of course, she was writing hundreds of years ago, so things may have Granger exchanged one of her coffees for the proffered card. Something had
changed. But few places on the island will support both Singing Sedge and been scribbled hastily on it.
Mellifluous Honewart. They typically thrive in radically different ecosystems, as you “Ooh, she gave you her number.”
no doubt know...” “What’s that mean?”
No, Draco didn’t know -- in fact, he’d never even heard of these plants -- but he “That Eunice fancies you,” said Granger, looking amused.
nodded instead of admitting it. “Most women do.”
When Draco next looked up, for a heart-stopping moment, Granger had Granger snorted, like this was a wickedly funny joke instead of a universal truth.
disappeared -- he snatched his wand -- then he saw her backside poking over the edge She caught herself, sobered up, and looked at him with fresh wonder. “You're
of the path. She was on her hands and knees, examining a rather wet ditch. funny, Malfoy.”
Whatever had caught her eye, it wasn’t what she was looking for. She regained her “I live to serve,” said Draco, to cover his vexation.
feet. She didn’t look disappointed, however -- she looked determined. And muddy. Granger returned the card to him. “Too bad you don’t even know what a
“Tassel Moss looks as you’d imagine,” said Granger. “Tiny tassels across the top. It’s mobile is. Poor Eunice was quite barking up the wrong tree.”
the sporangia -- unusually big in the genus. They turn pink in the summer -- of course, “She thought me dreadfully handsome.”
we’re a little too early for that.” “She also thinks your chakras need realigning. Let’s not get too wrapped up in
Was this woman a genius at Herbology, on top of everything else? Draco the soundness of Eunice's judgements,” said Granger crisply.
wondered how much of Potter and Weasley’s limited scholarly success was due to Let it be known that if any man needed his ego checked, a simple exchange with
absorbing her knowledge by intellectual osmosis. Granger would quite set him to rights.
She was, frankly, overwhelming. Draco sipped at the coffee Granger had brought. It was, remarkably, not terrible.
Granger carried on along the path, squatting down occasionally to observe things. “How did you know I like double espressos?”
It was altogether rather a peaceful ramble, with the charms keeping him dry, the Granger shrugged. “It seemed your style.”
sound of the rain and the occasional brave songbird, and verbalisations from Granger “Bold? Bitter?”
telling off various mosses because they weren’t the right one.

46 | IMbolc Five | 55
that Granger was here. Would they recognise her if they saw her? Maybe -- but Draco For the first time since he’d taken the Granger case file from Tonks’ hands, Draco
couldn’t delve into their minds so precisely from this distance. felt glad of the decision. This was certainly more pleasant than most of his work as an
Granger’s instructions to keep a low profile were rather hypocritical, given that Auror -- fewer hexes and eviscerations coming his way, for a start.
she had just struck up a conversation with the Muggles in the queue behind her. And, bonus, it got him out of tea with the ladies, and promised many more
Draco, annoyed, cast a surface-level Legilimency on the family to check for sinister opportunities to do so. That set would be tut-tutting at Granger over their teacups --
intentions. Nothing of interest -- they were just friendly tourists. Granger with her hat askew, her face smeared with dirt, clambering about in ditches
He grew aware of a presence lurking about him, peeking at him from around instead of finding herself a rich husband. But she was apparently doing something
one shelf, then around the other. He pretended to be interested in the smelly great for wizardkind, and what, pray, had they achieved?
candles. “I think I found it!” called Granger.
Eventually, she showed herself. She was a shop assistant, heavily draped in Draco pushed through some brambles to be, once again, presented with a view of
diaphanous scarves, observing Draco with bulbous eyes. A name-tag was pinned to Granger’s bum. Familiarity breeds fondness -- he was rather developing an
her jumper: Eunice. appreciation for it.
“Hello,” she said to Draco. “Might I help you find something?” For reasons known only to herself, Granger had all but pressed her face into a patch
Draco caught her gaze and read her immediate thoughts. Nothing ominous, of moss and was breathing deeply into it.
save for the fact that she thought him dreadfully handsome. “Granger, what—”
“No, thanks,” said Draco, turning back to watch Granger between candles. She “It’s meant to smell like candy-floss. And it does!” said Granger, rising with a leap.
was finally nearing the front of the queue. There was dirt on the tip of her nose. In the shadows of the great oaks around
Instead of taking this as the firm dismissal it was, Eunice fluttered closer to them, her dark eyes shone with excitement. A curl of hair clung damply to her lip. Her
Draco, her eyes glued to his face. cheeks were pinched pink by the February wind. Her smile flashed at him, a brief, rare
“Your aura is... disturbed,” she said. thing.
Draco felt like he was being addressed by a Muggle incarnation of Trelawney Draco realised with a shock that Granger was pretty.
crossed with a large moth. She clapped her hands together and squealed at the clump of moss, as though it
“I don’t think these candles will do you good,” said Eunice. “I agree with you was a treasure worth thousands upon thousands of Galleons.
there,” said Draco. Before Draco could process his realisation, a hoarse scream echoed from some
The sarcasm was lost on her. She nodded to herself and palpated the air around distant corner of the woods. To his amusement, Granger leapt to his side immediately,
Draco, as though grasping at something. her wand raised.
“I’d suggest something stronger, like one of our cleansing incenses,” said Eunice, The queer screaming continued. When Granger saw that he hadn’t reacted and
drifting down to point at a different shelf. didn’t seem alarmed, she asked, “What is that horrid racket?”
Draco watched Granger make a beeline to the café-bar. Would she kindly hurry “That’s a fox,” said Draco.
up and save him from the moth? “Oh.”
Eunice was now holding her hand towards him with her eyes closed. She shook “Some slag of a vixen’s asking to get her back blown out.”
her head gravely. “Your heart chakra is underactive.” “I see,” said Granger.
“Is it?” Another scream. Draco wanted to laugh -- Granger’s expression had gone rather
prim.

54 | The Keepers Four | 47

 She pulled out her list of plants and crossed the final line out. “This is an excellent The car park was busy. Muggles in families, Muggles pushing prams, Muggles in
development. The moss, I mean, not the slaggy fox. Let’s go back to the car.” outfits that seemed exceptionally outlandish, even for Muggles.
“That’s it?” asked Draco. It had seemed rather easy. “I’ll warn you now, there are a lot of New Agey types here,” said Granger as they
“Oh, no,” said Granger. “If only. I have about three thousand other things to do joined the crowd headed towards the entrance.
before that’s it.” “New Agey?”
Knowing her, that was probably not an exaggeration. They walked back to the car. “Hippies. Wiccans. Pagans. Woo-woo types.” Granger seemed to be struggling
Without Granger’s constant hops into the vegetation, it was rather quicker than the for a definition. “Muggles who are very spiritual and believe in magic -- or greater
way in. powers, anyway -- to some extent. Some of them even call themselves witches. They
“Why did you have to do this on Imbolc?” asked Draco. In his opinion, this don’t realise that there are actual witches and wizards, of course, and actual magic.
would’ve been better planned for Beltane, for more congenial weather. They collect crystals and things, and perform rituals they read about in old books.”
She ignored the question in favour of posing one of her own. “Do you think your “Ah,” said Draco, though he didn’t really understand. “I thought Muggles were
mother’s guests have left?” meant to be relentlessly logical.”
Draco conjured a pocket-watch. “No,” he lied. “Are you sure? Rather a long tea, “Some are,” said Granger. “Some are -- rather less than logical. Or perhaps some
isn’t it?” part of them remembers magic. Or subconsciously knows it exists. Or maybe they
“Society teas are multiple hour affairs. My mother’s favourites will probably stay just want to believe in something...”
for dinner and drinks.” They entered the busy gift shop -- bustling, cloyingly over-scented.
“I see.” Granger’s moment of smiling amongst the oak trees was fading and being Granger saw Draco wrinkle his nose and said, “That’ll be the essential oils. The
replaced by the annoyance that seemed a chronic condition in Draco’s presence. “Why New Agers love those.”
don’t you go somewhere else? She won’t know that you aren’t strictly working.” Draco examined some offensively perfumed candles, labelled ‘For
“I’m not leaving,” said Draco. “If you were to be attacked while out and about on Relaxation.’ “Why doesn’t someone tell them they’ve over-synthesised these things to
project work, Shacklebolt would have my hide.” the point where any minor magical property is utterly lost?”
“What are you protecting me from?” asked Granger with a sweeping gesture at the Draco now found himself being steered by Granger and parked in a corner of
nothingness around them. “Randy foxes?” the shop, like a Draco-shaped Mini Cooper.
“If you’d tell me what you were doing, I’d be better able to establish potential “Stay here,” she said. “I’ll get us tickets. Don’t break anything.”
threats.” Thank goodness for that last tip; he might’ve begun to pulverise things out of
“If there’s one thing I’ve learned from the enormous mistake I made telling sheer excess of spirit, otherwise. Shoving his hands into his pockets, Draco stood in
Shacklebolt, it’s that I’m not sharing another word on my work.” Granger crossed her the corner and watched Granger go. The crowd around her didn’t look at her twice.
arms. Her posturing was rather undermined by the single leaf stuck in her hat, waving She really did blend in. As for him, he was the subject of more than a few upward
in the wind. glances -- his height, his white-blond hair, his ‘spiffy’ suit.
“Brilliant. I’ll just continue to wave my wand about, waiting for the nameless Granger had now joined the slow-moving queue for tickets. Having his Principal
baddies, shall I?” away from him in a busy spot was not something that Draco was keen on, from a
“No. You can Apparate to the nearest pub, have a cosy drink, and go home when purely professional standpoint. He performed some surreptitious Legilimency on a
you’ll be safe from the ladies.” random sampling of the people in the shop. The crowd was comprised mostly of
“I’m not the one who needs to stay safe,” said Draco. Muggles. There was one wizarding couple, but they had no ill- intent -- nor any idea
Granger made a sound of frustration. “You can’t come. You complicate things.”

48 | IMbolc Five | 53
 They were now approaching the outskirts of town. Granger turned at a sign “Complicate things how?” asked Draco. “I can stay out of the way -- didn’t I just
pointing to the Chalice Well Gardens. stay out of the way?”
“But,” she continued, “there’s a third wellspring, one that you won’t find in the “I’m visiting the Chalice Well next. That involves passing as a Muggle. Which you
Muggle brochures. It’s called the Green Well. That one has bona fide magical don’t.”
properties. I need--” here Granger hesitated, but seemed to decide that Draco “I can very well pass as a Muggle,” said Draco, indignant. “The Auror programme
would work it out anyway “--I need a sample from it.” includes a substantial unit on concealment and disguise, and I passed with a
“For your project.” distinction, thank you.”
“Yes.” Had he just been thinking that Granger-minding had ended up being a good
“And why at Imbolc, specifically?” decision? Why must she fight him on everything?
“You’re being rather too inquisitive,” said Granger. Draco felt that she meant Granger rubbed at her temples. “We’re wasting time -- time I haven’t got.”
meddlesome, but had chosen the more polite option. “Then let’s go,” said Draco.
“I suppose the well reaches its highest magical potency at Imbolc,” said Draco. “Show me your best attempt at a Muggle disguise,” said Granger. There was a
Granger made no answer. desperate kind of hope in her eyes, as though she knew it was going to be rubbish, but
“I’m right, aren’t I?” wanted to see, just in case.
He saw her glance at the glovebox, wherein lay the Sneakoscope, promising to Draco shrank his Auror robes into a handkerchief, which he pocketed. Then he
give away blatant lies. modified his suit to fit the current Muggle fashion, a little more relaxed in its tailoring.
“Stop being so curious,” said Granger. “That’s a bit rich, coming from you.” His boots he made into shiny men’s dress shoes. His wand was concealed in a holster
She scoffed. “Being curious is literally my job. I’m a researcher. Your job is to at his wrist. His hair he didn’t touch: it was the height of perfection, magical or
protect me from Forces Unknown, not interrogate me on a highly confidential, Muggle.
proprietary project.” “And?” he asked, rotating slowly under Granger’s critical gaze.
Granger pulled into a parking spot, turned off the car, and waited for his retort. “It’d be ideal if we were going to the Dorchester for dinner,” said Granger. She
This witch was -- something. Draco had never endured such unrelenting points sighed. “But -- I’ll take it. Maybe we can make you look like a spiffy young professor,
and counterpoints. He rather felt that, if he’d been keeping track of the score, he’d rather than a banker who’s lost his way...”
be the losing party. She approached and made her own modifications, removing his tie and
“I’m not a bodyguard. I wasn’t assigned to you to clomp along brainlessly Transfiguring his shoes into Muggle trainers. Then she reached up and undid the top
behind you,” said Draco. button of his shirt. (Queer sensation, to have Granger do that. Draco filed it away for
“No. You’re a highly trained, highly competent Auror and this is an utter waste further analysis later.)
of your time.” “That’ll have to do,” said Granger, though she looked cynical.
Granger took a breath, visibly suppressing her irritation at the entire situation. “If we’re critiquing each others’ appearances, you’re in need of a Scourgify,” said
The opening compliment elicited a tiny spark of delight, quickly suppressed by Draco.
Draco. He didn’t care what Granger thought of him. Granger Transfigured her car window into a mirror to discover, with an “oh, my,”
A group of Muggles passed the car, distracting the both of them. Mutually quite how mud- caked she was. She made quick work of the stray leaf and the dirt,
deciding on an unspoken truce -- very temporary, Draco was sure -- they climbed then gave Draco an odd look.
out of the car. “What?” asked Draco.
“Nothing,” said Granger.

52 | The Keepers Four | 49

 “Tell me,” said Draco.
“No.”
“Yes.”

5
“I just -- I might’ve expected some joke about the mud, from you,” said Granger.
Draco stilled.
“Those days are long past.”
Granger arranged her hat and shrugged.
Draco frowned. This wasn’t the time for this conversation, but one day she would
need to know how he had seen, firsthand, the horrors of those hideous attitudes, and
how they still lived in his head in the dead of night, and how much he wished he could
take back.
The Keepers
“I’m not that person anymore,” said Draco.
Seeing that he was so solemn, Granger, too, grew serious. “All right. I shouldn’t

T
have brought it up.” hey drove in silence for a little while. Granger looked preoccupied. Her
“I shouldn’t have insisted,” conceded Draco. thumb tapped at the steering wheel and she was worrying her lip.
“That, too.” Granger waved her wand and her erstwhile mirror became a car “It’s going to be busy this afternoon,” said Granger at length. “At the
window again. She grew brisk in her movements. “Shall we?” Gardens, I mean. Let’s try to keep a low profile. We have to go through the gift shop
“Let’s,” said Draco. to buy tickets to go in, but after that we’ll be able to go into the gardens themselves
Then he ruined the serious moment by needing help with opening the car door. and avoid the worst of the crowds.”
Granger came round to help him with saintly patience. “I can keep a low profile,” said Draco.
She did not, to her credit, cast any aspersions on his ability to behave like a Muggle. Granger gave him a side-eye in lieu of response.
“Does the water have magical properties?” asked Draco. “Why do the Muggles
even know about it?”
Granger sat up straighter and took a breath, and Draco realised that had
activated Swot Mode.
“The wellsprings in this area have been in use by both Muggles and magical folk
for millennia,” said Granger. “It would’ve been too difficult to wipe the entire thing
from so many minds after the Statute of Secrecy, I suppose. But, to answer your
question, Muggles only know of two water sources in Glastonbury: one they call
the White Spring, and one they call the Red Well. No real magical properties in
either, though Muggles have ascribed their own spiritual and mythological
significance to both. They have stories linking them to the Holy Grail, and King
Arthur (he’s meant to be buried at the Glastonbury Abbey), and other bits of
legend.”

50 | IMbolc Five | 51
else. Miss Luella Clairborne was particularly tenacious; Draco had to lie that his Draco eyed Granger with cynicism at the last bit. “Have you found it?”
mother was summoning him to make his escape. “No,” said Granger. She got to her feet with evident irritation. “Kindly recalibrate
What was wrong with him? Luella would’ve been willing to give him a quick your ring so you only show up in a real crisis.”
gob job behind a curtain, probably, but that wasn’t what he wanted. Nor did he She flicked the Elektik lights on. Her cheeks were flushed. A trickle of perspiration
want to bring her home with him. Nor did he want to have her in one of the was running down her neck. Her chest still heaved from her exertion. Draco could
Seneca’s luxurious rooms. So what did he want, exactly? Not her, anyway. Not any smell salt, female sweat, and the burnt wick of a candle.
of them. His idiot brain took this image and immediately created several new neural
To make good on his lie, Draco joined his mother amongst a circle of St. pathways that had never existed previously, connecting the idea of Granger with the
Mungo’s higher-ups. Narcissa looked pointedly at Rosalie’s French companion and concept of sexy.
pressed her lips together in lieu of saying, There, you see? All the good ones are It was an extremely unwelcome development and Draco wondered whether he
snapped up and you, my son, will die alone. should lobotomise himself on the spot.
Draco was fine with dying alone. At this precise moment, he simply wanted to A gravelly meow interrupted his thoughts. The bandy-legged cat had wandered in.
find a witch who awakened something in him, to bed once or twice and get some of It trotted up to Granger and then, upon noticing Draco, favoured him with a hiss.
his randiness out of his system. Draco did not hiss back, but it was a near thing. “I’ll just leave then, shall I?” said
A slender thing in an open-backed dress kept catching his eye as he made his way Draco.
around the room. She was chatting with a mixed crowd of former Hufflepuffs and “Do,” said Granger.
upper echelon Ministry employees, but her figure kept disappearing from view as “Goodbye.”
the speakers mingled. The lights were so low that all he could really make out was Draco Disapparated out.
the curve of her back, the graceful movement of a hand holding a glass, the peek of a
delicate ankle in a strappy shoe.
“Oi,” said Zabini, materialising at Draco’s side. “I said leave me the brunettes.” Draco had expected (and rather desired) nothing but annoyed silence from Granger
“My first choice found some French ponce,” said Draco. after he’d barged in on her like an unhinged maniac. However, he was surprised to
“Spoken as though you weren’t yourself the greatest French ponce in the room.” receive a message from her the next day -- and not just a message, a bona fide
Draco favoured Zabini with a black look. “Anyway -- sharing is caring.” apology.
“Fine. You can soften her up for me. I shall look positively delicious after you’ve
bollocksed your way through an introduction.”
Draco drained his glass and handed it to Zabini. “Watch me.” I’m sorry about my behaviour
He sauntered his way past the group, making a show of greeting a few yesterday. I should’ve been more
acquaintances as he walked by, including a quick nod for Potter. (And why was appreciative that you arrived so fast
Potter here, pray? Something about orphans, probably.) when you thought something was the
Ernie Macmillan, bless him, caught a wave and gestured Draco over in his matter. Will warn you next time I try a
ostentatious way. The chubby lad of Draco’s Hogwarts days had grown into a stout Taraksvasana.
man, broad-shouldered, who now headed the Department of International
Magical Cooperation.

104 | The Party Six | 69

 Apologies weren’t part of Draco’s natural lexicon. His upbringing, both at home Zabini had spotted Draco and Theo as they made their way into the crowded
and at school, didn’t encourage the practise. Sorry was an admission of wrongdoing, a Rose Room, where canapes were being circulated amongst a beautiful crowd.
sign of guilt, an obvious weakness. “Didn’t know they let riffraff like you lot in here,” said Zabini. His dress robes
There was something nice about receiving one, however. It warmed the soul, really. were impeccably tailored -- possibly even more so than Draco’s.
He wasn't sure which part he liked the most -- Granger mulling this over for a day and He and Draco stared at each other hard, until Zabini’s face split into a broad
then apologising, or Granger admitting she’d been wrong, or Granger appreciating grin. “Good to see you two -- the few, the brave, who aren’t married and popping
him. out sprogs.”
Instead of dismissing her note from the Jotter, Draco saved it in one of the back “Here to join you in the evening’s debaucheries,” said Theo with an elegant bow.
pages. He’d have to ask Potter how rare Granger apologies were, and whether he “What are our plans tonight, gentlemen? Chaos and mayhem?”
ought to have it framed. “Drinks, dancing, and finding a lovely lady to cuddle with,” said Zabini, casting
“Draco, darling, you’re distracted.” his gaze around the crowded room.
His mother’s voice, with an undertone of reproach, called him back to reality. “What he’s having, but more fucking and less cuddling,” said Draco, also
Reality was an unfortunate place -- tea in the stuffiest parlour at the Manor, with his observing the surrounding crowd.
mother, her friend Madame Delphine Delacroix, and Madame Delacroix’s daughter. “Oho,” said Zabini. “Leave me the brunettes.”
Today’s debutante was Rosalie Delacroix. Beauxbatons educated, Pure-blood, “Fine,” said Draco, thinking vaguely of Rosalie and her ilk. “I fancy something
objectively beautiful. blonde anyway.”
Draco put the Jotter away. “Pardonnez-moi, mesdames. Que disiez-vous?" “Redheads for me, then.” Theo relieved a waiter of three dirty martinis and
“Vous avez un Jabbering Jotter!” exclaimed Rosalie. “Those have only just begun passed them around. “Drink up -- these’ll put some hair on your chest. Barkeep is
to cross the Channel to us in France. We can’t get enough of them. Even my mother, generous with the vodka.”
who is so traditional, adores hers.” They drank, they bantered, they drifted in and out of groups of friends and old
“Indeed,” nodded Madame Delacroix. “I couldn’t get my husband to reply to an enemies. Draco learned by the by that the evening’s event was in support of a new
owl, not for love nor money -- but these make it so easy. A true innovation. England ward at St. Mungo’s -- something about Delacroix Senior’s life being saved had
should be proud of these -- Weasleys, was it? These Frères Belette?” turned his mercenary mind to more philanthropic pursuits. So, not orphans.
When the conversation drifted away from him, Draco sent a response to Granger: Whatever.
The lights were dimmed and, in the centre of the room, space was cleared for a
Do advise of future scorpion dance floor. Draco found Rosalie and attempted conversation, but Rosalie was
pushups. P.S. Apologies from giggly and seemed rather attached to the arm of some French Pure-blood or other
you may become my new whose name Draco couldn’t remember. He decided that she was a lost cause and
drug of choice. continued his cruising.
Two or three other witches that Draco was acquainted with crossed paths with
Draco looked up, a vague smile on his face, to find Rosalie chattering about an him as he made his rounds. They were charming, eyelash-fluttering, and obviously
upcoming gala that her father was going to host. Draco had missed the beginning of it. willing, but he wasn’t feeling the spark (or, less romantically, the remotest twitch in
In support of orphans, or something, probably. his trousers).
He divested himself of them one by one, distantly registering that, attractive and
willing as they were, he found them clingy and bothersome more than anything

70 | Finding Serenity Eight | 103

 Henriette was a well-spoken, well-trained French elf, but far pushier and more “We would be so delighted to see the two of you there,” said Rosalie, her hands
opinionated than the English elves that Draco had grown accustomed to in clasped into a knot of entreaty. “It’s such a good cause. They helped Father so very
childhood. However, his mother loved her, and Draco had to admit that her much, you know.”
cooking was a far sight better than the stodgy fare prepared by her UK brethren. The orphans helped Augustin Delacroix? Draco didn’t care enough to seek
Draco showered, perfected his hair, pulled on the hard-won black robes, clarification. His Jotter buzzed. He checked it under the table to see a note from
perfected his hair again, and observed himself in the mirror to confirm that he was Granger.
devastatingly good-looking.
He was. You do realise that I’d
Which was excellent, because tonight, Draco Malfoy was going out on the pull. have to do bad things
It had been far too long since his last shag (some witch at Pansy’s last birthday party, that warrant apologising
at his best recollection) and he had been feeling the lack of action in the past weeks. for.
It was time to rectify the situation. The Delacroix party would make for an You do a great deal of bad
excellent opportunity. There would be witches aplenty -- perhaps Mademoiselle things. I’ve compiled quite a
Rosalie Delacroix herself, if she was interested, mused Draco as he applied his list of your illicit activities.
cologne.
Satisfied with his toilette, Draco descended to the Floo parlour.
“Henriette, did my mother leave yet?” he called as he threw Floo powder into “...Qu’en pensez-vous, Draco? Would that suit you?”
the hearth. Draco raised his head. Madame Delacroix had asked him a question that he’d only
“Oui, elle est partie,” said Henriette. “She left about two hours ago, Monsieur. I partially heard, something about his schedule in March. He answered in the
believe she thought you’d be on your way shortly after.” affirmative -- of course, yes, he’d be happy to clear his calendar for such a noble cause.
Oops, thought Draco. “The Seneca,” he said out loud, and he stepped into the His mother beamed at his easy acceptance and indicated that she, too, would be
flames. delighted to come.

If only illegal extension

Draco dusted himself off on the Seneca’s hearth, assisted by a pretentious-looking charms were the worst of my
youth bearing a charmed feather duster. sins.
A moment later, he found himself accosted by Theodore Nott.
“There’s fashionably late, and then there’s you,” said Theo. “Bordering on rude, No, I know the real extent
I think: it’s half eight and you’ve missed the speeches.” of your depravity.
“Careless of me,” said Draco, straightening out his robes. “Summarise.”
“Very pretty words about the True Magic of Gratitude, and also please give She anticipated him.
money.”
“I can’t believe I missed such a momentous address.”
I see that the library visit will
A sniff interrupted them. “Ah. The usual blackguards.”
haunt me.

102 | The Party Six | 71

 Draco grinned into his teacup. His mother saw the smile and, encouraged by what
seemed like his good mood, asked the ladies if they’d like to see the gardens. Rosalie
declined, claiming to have caught a bit of a chill. Madame Delacroix and Narcissa left

8
for the gardens.
Draco sobered up as he found himself in a forced tête-à-tête with Rosalie.
The pretty witch spoke charmingly of anything she thought might catch his
attention -- Quidditch, his job, the weather. Draco listened with only one ear, because
it wasn’t about hags wanting to use his skull as a sippy cup and it was therefore rather
dull.
He found himself wishing to be continuing a conversation with another witch,
one whose newest message had just buzzed in his pocket. The Party
The talk turned to mutual friends, to upcoming dinners, to other frivolities.
Rosalie agreed enthusiastically with every point Draco made, no matter how inane,

M
instead of whipping counter- arguments back at him. She laughed at his mildest jokes
arch drew to a chill, damp, close, and with it came the day of the
instead of retorting with something snappy. She clung to his every word -- uncritical,
Delacroix fête. Draco was reminded of the occasion when his
eager -- instead of challenging him. She complimented him to excess.
afternoon nap was interrupted by Henriette the house-elf.
It made for rather weak conversation.
As Draco yawned with delicious languor, Henriette began to quiz
When Draco realised who he had unconsciously made into Rosalie’s foil, he was him on his evening attire.
taken aback. Since when had Granger become the yardstick by which he measured
“This purple would be so becoming on you, Monsieur,” said Henriette, holding
female company?
a rich robe aloft for Draco’s inspection. “Like a Roman emperor, non?”
The conversation -- such as it was -- lasted twenty minutes. Eventually, Rosalie
“The black robes, please,” said Draco.
convinced Draco to add a page to his Jotter for her, under the pretext of sending more
“This silver, perhaps? With your eyes, it would be so fetching...”
details for the gala. Draco shrugged in absent-minded agreement. (It was a careless
moment he would later regret, as Rosalie was a proficient Jotter and wrote to him “The black, Henriette.”
incessantly thereafter.) Undeterred, Henriette produced the black dress robes, but also a set of
The ladies returned from their tour. Smiles were smiled, goodbyes were said, and constellation-spangled midnight blue ones. “Or perhaps?” she asked, holding the
Draco sighed in relief when Henriette the house-elf escorted their visitors back to the blue ones up higher.
Floo parlour. “Did my mother put you up to this?” asked Draco, eyeing the insistent elf.
Later that night, Narcissa drifted into Draco’s study to probe. “Rosalie is a sweet Henriette’s large ears twitched backwards. “Madame suggested that you might
girl, isn’t she? You seemed like you were getting along.” be amenable to trying something else. Madame would like you to not look as
There was such a quiet optimism in her voice, Draco wondered if it wouldn’t be though you were attending a funeral.”
kinder to lie. But that would give his mother hopes, and dashing them later would be “I rather fancy looking like an undertaker. The black ones -- leave them on the
all the crueller. bed.”
“I suppose we got along well enough,” he said. “As you wish, Monsieur,” sighed Henriette, spreading the robes onto the bed.
She detected the lack of enthusiasm immediately. “But?” She curtseyed and Disapparated.

72 | Finding Serenity Eight | 101

 "A Borzoi.” “Rather a milquetoast kind of girl.”
“Oh. The Tsars used to have those.” Narcissa’s thin hands clutched before her in disappointment. “Oh.”
“They did. Go to sleep. This isn’t a pub quiz.” Quarrelling with his pale, sad mother was never high on Draco’s to-do list. He tried
“He’s a rude thing, though he’s pretty.” to be gentle as he admonished her. “We’ve had this conversation before. I don’t need,
“I’m leaving now,” said Draco. nor want, you to hand-pick witches for me.”
“His fur looked so soft…” “I only want to help you.” Narcissa's thin fingers clasped at each other. “I want you
Finally, silence fell. to find someone who is educated, and lovely, and who will be a devoted companion,
Now only the cat was awake, staring at Draco. and give you children, and fill this great empty house with laughter again. Rosalie
Draco noted that the yellow stare was not as hate-filled as it usually was. If would be all those things. Any number of the witches I’ve introduced you to would
anything, it seemed approving. be all these things.” She paused, then added, “I only want you to be happy, Draco.”
“I am happy.”
Another sigh from Narcissa. “At your age, your father was married, you know --
and had you -- you were four or five by then…”
“I am not my father.”
Narcissa, seeing that she would make no further headway here, glided towards the
door. “I don’t think she exists,” she said over her shoulder as she left.
“Who?”
“The perfect witch you’re apparently waiting for.”

Granger wrote to Draco about a week later, advising him that she was speaking at a
Muggle conference that Thursday.

Magdalen College, Oxford.

Thurs 2-5pm. I’m on at
2:30. I doubt I shall be
murdered but leave your
attendance to your expert
judgement.

Yes, Granger, thank you for the cheek: he would use his expert judgement.

100 | Ostara: Contrariness of Granger Six | 73

 “I don’t know,” said Draco. “My mother donates the useful stuff to apothecaries.
Go to sleep.”
“That’s good.” Granger's voice had taken on a softer, more absent quality. The
How many? replenishing potion was knocking her out to begin its work.
“Yes.”
“I’m happy that something good could come out of such a...”
150 “Such a terrible place?” supplemented Draco.
“Yes.”
Audience?
She said nothing further for a few moments. The moonlight through the window
caught her face in soft light: delicate, wide-eyed, still pale. Her hair was a dark coil
across the pillow, slowly unfurling.
Muggle doctors.
Draco felt as though he were seeing double. In her oversized jumper, tucked up in
bed, with her hands over the blanket, she looked like the girl he remembered from
Draco’s eyebrows rose. He sometimes forgot quite how small the wizarding school. But that vision dissipated to leave him with this portrait of a lovely, tired witch,
world was. There were probably less than a hundred fully fledged Healers in the who had brought herself to the brink of total magical depletion to get to him, because
entirety of the UK. Maybe three or four hundred if you included Mediwitches and she thought he was in danger.
other field medics. She had done this to herself for him.
It was a peculiar sensation.
Granger’s eyelids began to drift downwards. Draco edged towards the door,
I'll look in. intending to leave the cottage by foot before Disapparating outside as quietly as he
could. She was asleep now, certainly - - she’d been quiet too long.
Spiffy prof. look please. “Malfoy?”
Draco muttered a curse. “You’re meant to be sleeping.”
Don’t embarrass me.
Now her words were blurred at the edges. She was drifting towards
unconsciousness, but still fighting it.
“Your Patronus is lovely,” said Granger. Her eyes were closed.
Draco didn’t deign to answer her. “Er... thanks.”
“What is it?”
The day of the conference came around. Draco Apparated a small distance away
from Magdalen College and walked to the auditorium Granger had specified, at the “Go to sleep, Granger.”
time she specified, wearing the clothing that she had specified. “But what is it?”
Bossy sort of witch, was Granger. “Sleep.”
The volunteer at the registration table was gently Confunded into thinking that “Is it a kind of dog?”
Draco was a registered participant, and he was let in with a name badge and a “Yes. Go to sleep."
programme. He took stock of the building, discreetly casting revelation spells when "What kind?”

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bedside lamp was askew as though she’d hit it. Her Muggle mobile device was face- Muggles weren’t looking. The foyer, cloak room, and toilets were free of any
down on the floor. naughtiness, as were the back rooms. The handful of people he covertly cast
Draco rearranged these things with a few wand waves. The cat, which had Legilimency on were who they were meant to be -- brainy Muggles, here to become
bounded up the stairs after them, leapt onto the bed and joined Granger with a even more brainy.
reproachful sound. Draco found a shadowy alcove near the front of the auditorium from which to
The cat settled into Granger’s armpit like a furry water bottle. Granger pulled the survey the place. He was about twenty metres away from the stage, from which
cover over herself with a weak hand and stroked the cat’s head with the other. vantage he could see Granger seated at a long table, along with three of her fellow
Draco, who had been waiting to see if the replenishing potion was having the experts. They were chatting amongst themselves as the crowd filed into the
desired effect -- and that Granger wasn’t going to die on his account -- suddenly felt as auditorium.
though he was intruding. From a risk assessment standpoint, Granger couldn’t have been more exposed,
He took a step towards the door. “Right. I’m going to go now. Mind you don’t do sitting as she was under a literal spotlight. Draco pried through the minds of the
that again.” people in the front row and found nothing but eagerness to begin and high levels of
“I’m sorry,” said Granger. “For being -- complicated. About your house.” admiration directed towards the doctors on the stage. Then he peeked through the
“I don’t care,” said Draco. “It doesn’t matter.” minds of the unseated people idling on the stairs at the edge of the auditorium, as
“I know that the awful things that happened there are ancient history.” he was, and found only volunteers, students sneaking in, and a bearded gentleman
“You don’t need to keep excusing yourself. Go to sleep,” said Draco, taking a wearing large ear-coverings, whose chief role seemed to be managing blinky boxes
bigger step towards the door. with wires coming out. There wasn’t a single witch or wizard present, as far as he
“I know it’s not rational,” said Granger, making an irresolute gesture to the ceiling. could tell.
“But…” Satisfied that there were no immediate threats, Draco cast precautionary wards
“Stop thinking, Granger,” said Draco, even though he knew that was an across the front of the stage and settled into his alcove. As the conference began, he
oxymoron of a request. He walked out of the room. “Bye.” flipped open the programme. It informed him that today’s panel would feature
“It was just to use the Floo,” said Granger, softly, mostly to herself, now. “Bit international leaders in immune cell engineering and immunotherapy.
pathetic, really.” This told Draco very little, of course. Cancer was a decidedly Muggle ailment.
Draco took a long step back into the room. Somehow, he couldn’t let that one Wizarding folk were rarely afflicted with it, and when they were, it was quickly
slide. “It’s not pathetic to not want to revisit the place where you were tortured.” (He resolved. However, it seemed that this was not the case with Muggles, for whom it
was a serious condition, and nigh incurable in some forms.
wanted to add, you idiot, but he felt that he may have maximised his quota on that
front, tonight.) Enter Granger and her cohort of fellow brains. Their talks today included such
thrilling questions as FL and CLL: A New Care Paradigm and Hodgkin’s
Granger said, “Mm,” in an absent way.
Lymphoma: Mitigating Toxicity while Preserving Cure.
“Anyway,” said Draco, “much of the Manor was destroyed at the end of the war.
That entire half is gone. The drawing room is gone.” Draco decided that it would be quite safe to leave Granger to her CLL’s. The
only threat in this room was death by obscure acronym. Just as he was about to
“It’s gone?” asked Granger of the ceiling.
leave -- he rather fancied a nap -- the mediator announced that Dr. Granger’s
“Yes. It’s just gardens now. Greenhouses. Flowers, medicinal herbs...”
presentation was next.
“What herbs?” asked Granger.
Draco watched her walk across the stage and decided to stay.
Why did she have to know everything in excruciating bloody detail? She was
exhausting.

98 | Ostara: Contrariness of Granger Six | 75

 She was a small figure on the stage, by far the shortest amongst the panellists. She It was evidence of the true level of Granger’s fatigue that she did not argue the
smiled at the audience as she approached the Muggle voice-amplification device on point. They stepped into the hearth together and were spun and jostled along two
the podium. Her movements were confident and poised. She didn’t have notes, but dozen fireplaces until they were spat out at the Mitre.
the large screens behind her projected diagrams and bullet points. Draco was quicker to find his footing than the exhausted idiot of a witch, who
She made a few opening remarks that included a joke that went completely over made a brave attempt at standing that was more of a sideways collapse into him. He
Draco’s head, but the auditorium filled with laughter. Her presentation focused on snaked an arm around her waist and Apparated them to her kitchen.
the advancements of something called CAR T cell therapies in B-cell malignancies. An orange blur whizzed into the room as the crack of Draco’s Apparition echoed.
She made eye contact with everyone, took questions throughout, was challenged, There was an immediate meow of concern as the cat noted the sagging form of his
counter-challenged the challengers, and defended her position without skipping a mistress against Draco’s side.
beat. “Are you still with us?” asked Draco, giving Granger a jostle. “Should I call
She was confident, she was clever, and in this room, she was important. Granger someone? Should I take you to St. Mungo’s? Say something, or I shall send my
in her element was a rather impressive thing. Patronus to Potter and launch a wholescale panic.”
After finishing her presentation, Granger returned to the table and her fellow “Don’t.” Granger’s grip on his arm tightened. “It’s just -- just magical exhaustion. I
panellists discussed her talk. At some point, Draco wasn’t even certain that Granger spent all day Healing. The long-distance Apparitions were -- stupid. Give me a
and her interlocutors were even speaking English anymore, as they cross-examined replenishing potion -- the reddish vial on the counter, there.”
each other on EBV and TNK-cell lymphomas and their diagnostic challenges, and Draco propped Granger up on a chair, where she sat back with a sigh. He floated
the architecture of liquid biopsy research. Granger made a pun about MALT1 the vial in question towards them and snapped off its waxy stopper.
degradation which was, apparently, uproariously funny. “I’m the utter crumpet,” said Granger, before downing the entire thing.
Draco entertained himself by performing Legilimency on the panellists. Not a Draco felt that he ought to get that in writing.
single one thought that Granger was an insufferable swot. He found only respect, The cat was winding its way about Granger’s feet with a chorus of anxious meows.
admiration, and a surprise crush from the male doctor on her left. “I agree,” said Draco. “She needs rest.”
Draco learned that something called quantitative radiomics analytics existed. “You don’t understand him,” said Granger, dropping the empty vial onto the table
Their predictive values were discussed at length. These Muggle doctors were with a feeble gesture. “Stop pretending.”
another thing entirely, brilliantly working through the impossible, dedicating their “He said there’s a sofa somewhere under the mess of books in the front room that
entire lives to it. How had he ever thought Muggles base and ignorant? Draco you should go lie down on.”
shook his head. “Do not touch those books,” said Granger, combative even through her faintness.
Granger must’ve caught the movement of his white-blond hair in the shadows. The cat made a sustained wail.
When saw that it was Draco, she gave him a brief smile of acknowledgement --
“Bed, then. I concur,” said Draco.
bizarre feeling, that -- and carried on with her current dissertation, her hands
Draco didn’t give Granger a chance to object. He slipped one hand into the crook
making wide arcs as she explained something.
of her elbow and Apparated them both upstairs, where he deposited her onto her
At length, conclusions were drawn, closing remarks were made, and the bed.
conference ended with much applause. The participants milled about, with
It was obvious, as he looked around the dim room, that Granger had indeed
Granger and the panel at the centre of the crowd.
departed in as much of a hurry as she’d claimed to. The bed was in disarray, as though
she had forgotten that she had a blanket over her when she’d leapt to her feet. The

76 | Finding Serenity Seven | 97

 “My non-existent grievous injury. Right.” Draco hopped back onto his broom and Draco, feeling rather mushy in the brain from all the new words and
drew near her. “Get on. I’ll fly you to the Manor. You can Floo home from there.” Legilimency he had performed (perhaps the Keeper wouldn’t need such a thick
“No,” said Granger, backing away. straw after all), decided that he was no longer needed here.
Draco assumed, with no small degree of exasperation, that her objection was the He made for the exit, but Granger caught him as he passed the stage.
flying. As usual, small talk was dispensed with. Instead, he found his Muggle disguise
“Fine.” He jumped back off his broom and held out his elbow to her instead. “I’ll being assessed by her, her gaze accented by a raised eyebrow.
Apparate us to the Manor. Let’s go. You look about to faint.” “Passable,” was the pronouncement on the outfit.
Granger backed away again. She looked even paler. “No -- not the Manor. Please. “Why the eyebrow?” asked Draco.
Apparate me to the Swan. I’ll Floo from there.” Granger pointed at the name tag that the Confunded volunteer had affixed to
“What’s wrong with my bloody Floo?” asked Draco, close to losing his patience Draco’s lapel. “Hello, Professor Takahashi.”
and snatching her arm to force a Side-Along. “My mother’s in France this week, if “Ah,” said Draco. “Yes. That’s me.”
that’s what you’re--” “And how is Tokyo at this time of year?”
“No. It’s not your mother. I just -- I just don’t want to go back there. All right?” “Very nice,” said Draco.
She wrapped her arms around herself. At this moment, the formidable Hermione “Professor Takahashi is from Kyoto,” said Granger. Her arms were crossed, but
Granger looked small, pale, and afraid. there was amusement in her eyes. “Rather ballsy to pose as one of Japan’s most
Draco realised, horridly late, that it was his home she was objecting to. That the renowned clinical oncologists.”
Manor still held the horrors of the War. “I am nothing if not ballsy,” said Draco, flipping his hair. “Did you know that
He was an idiot. the good Dr. Driessen fancies you?”
He offered his elbow again. “The Swan, then.” Now Granger’s second eyebrow joined the first, at her hairline. “What?”
She took it. Her hand was light on his arm and, against his sweat-soaked “He’s going to ask you out for drinks tonight.”
Quidditch kit, it felt cold. “No.”
They Apparated into the cloak room of the Swan, the boisterous wizarding pub “Yes. He also liked the skirt,” said Draco, gesturing to the high-waisted, close-
that served as a waypoint for Wiltshire Floo travel. The voices of the pub’s patrons fitting garment in question. (He also quite liked it, incidentally; Muggle fashion and
rumbled cheerfully through the walls. Draco cast a Notice-Me-Not on himself and its emphasis on bums was growing on him.)
Granger, which served to avert gazes from them as they exited the cloak room and “Ugh -- I mean, he’s very nice, but -- wait -- how do you know this?” Granger’s
made their way to the hearth. hand flew to her mouth. “You did not perform Legilimency on innocent Muggles.”
Draco noted that Granger was still holding his elbow -- in fact, she had begun to “Part of my risk assessment protocol.”
lean on him. “Is that allowed? Bit of a violation of privacy, isn’t it?”
He tossed a handful of Floo powder into the fire and Granger gave the name of the “Aurors have privileges,” said Draco. “Anyway, Shacklebolt gave me carte
wizarding pub nearest her cottage, the Mitre. blanche to use whatever means necessary to keep you safe. Except for murder -- I’ve
“You haven't enough in you to Apparate home from there,” said Draco. got to get permission for that. There’s a form and everything.”
“My cottage isn’t on the Floo network. I was going to walk -- it's only a few Granger seemed ninety percent sure he was joking, but she was nevertheless
minutes,” said Granger. eyeing him like he was the most unprincipled, depraved Auror ever produced by
Draco made a sound of disbelief. “You’ve proven that you’re an idiot once tonight, the Ministry, and it was just her luck that she’d been saddled with him.
but I see you’re doubling down. I’m coming with you.”

96 | Ostara: Contrariness of Granger Six | 77

 Dr. Driessen popped by and, to Granger’s evident dismay, asked her if she’d join “I love nipping down to the Quidditch pitch in the middle of the night! In March!
him for drinks that night. Draco appreciated the guts, if not the subtlety of the Barefoot! To trade insults with Draco Fucking Malfoy! Positively adore it! I’ve so little
approach. to do, I’ve been thinking of taking up lawn bowling! Ships in bottles--!”
A few things happened very quickly. Granger moved to Draco’s side, her hand She cut herself off, having mercifully been interrupted by something touching her
found his chest in a gesture of affection, which conveniently hid his ridiculous neck. She flinched away. “What is--”
nametag, and she announced that, unfortunately, she was already spoken for that At the nape of her neck, glinting teasingly at Draco, was the Snitch.
night, but perhaps another time? Draco glided closer and plucked it away. “Been looking for this bugger all night.”
Dr. Driessen looked up at Draco, at his hair (perfect), his jawline (also perfect), “Wonderful. S-so glad I could help,” said Granger.
his eyes (perfect, and icy, and perfect) and decided that he was quite outranked. Her teeth were clenched -- but it wasn’t out of anger, Draco belatedly realised -- it
Smart man. was from the cold.
“Of course,” he said, backing off and looking flustered. “So sorry -- I didn’t She took a breath and appeared to be assembling what remained of her dignity.
realise. Where are you two going?” “Since you’re quite all right, might you take me to the nearest Floo?”
“Er--” said Granger. Why the hell did she need him to take her anywhere? Draco landed beside her,
“The Turf Tavern,” supplied Draco. realising at last that Granger did not look well. She was white-lipped, pale, and
“Classic!” said Dr. Driessen. Then, with a wag of his eyebrows to Draco, he said, shivering.
“Just across from the Bodleian. You’ll have to keep Hermione on a tight leash.” “Did you Apparate from bloody Cambridgeshire?” asked Draco with dawning
“Oh yes,” said Draco, wrapping his arm around Granger’s waist. “I always do.” comprehension.
He felt Granger’s hand on his chest twitch. “It took a few s-sets,” said Granger through her clenched teeth. “I d-did a double
“Well -- lovely to see you, as always, Hermione,” said Dr. Driessen. shift at St. Mungo’s this morning -- so between that and long-distance Apparition, I
“Goodbye, Johann,” said Granger with a rather fixed smile. am rather drained.”
Granger was tense as the man walked away -- her body felt coiled and ready to Draco cast a warming charm on her, his irritation at the situation now giving way
leap away from Draco. to anger. She had depleted herself of far too much magic on his account, the reckless
“Don’t jump away like you’ve been burnt,” muttered Draco. “He’s watching. idiot. “What, exactly, was the plan when you arrived to save my life with almost no
Act natural.” magical reserves?”
Granger cleared her throat and let her hand slide down Draco’s chest, taking the “I was going to put a plaster on the injury,” said Granger, but the sarcasm was
nametag with it. She stepped away from him slowly and tried to make it look blunted by the violent tremble that shook her shoulders. “S-sod off with the lecturing
natural. (It did not.) -- I wasn’t thinking. I was asleep and the next thing I knew, this damned ring was
Draco himself vacillated between amusement at her discomfiture and alarm at screaming at me that you were about to die.”
how nice the curve of her hip had felt against him, and how good she smelled Draco felt that he should be touched, though his displeasure at her imprudence
(again). rather overshadowed it.
Granger peeled the Japanese professor’s name off her palm. She looked "Right. So I might've been in the middle of a duel with a gang of Dark wizards and
discombobulated, which mirrored Draco’s sentiments nicely. you decided to pop along barefoot, magicless, in your jimjams. Bloody brilliant.”
“Sorry,” she said. “I had to come up with something, and you were conveniently “It was a reaction!” hissed Granger. “I’m sorry I didn’t pause to evaluate my
-- there.” options when I thought you were in the midst of dying! I’m a Healer; odds were
strong I’d have been able to do something about your -- your--”

78 | Finding Serenity Seven | 95

 He pulled out of the dive at the last moment possible, his heart singing in his ears, “Use me as a prop anytime,” said Draco, scanning the crowd instead of looking
his toes clipping the grass. at her.
The soft, but distinctive, pop of an Apparition echoed across the pitch. He looked Granger was accosted by other colleagues, who had heard that she was going to
about for who it was, ready to tease Davies for running away from his wife. the Turf, and they were going too, so they’d see her tonight, and her first G&T was
But it was not Davies. It was Granger. on them, pip pip, etc.! Granger smiled faintly and waved them off.
Had she come to berate him about that damned book? Draco flew in low and “This may have been a mistake,” was her sombre conclusion. “You can leave. I’ll
drew his broom to a hovering halt in front of her. “What the hell are you doing here?” make up an excuse for you.”
But Granger didn’t look angry. She looked confused. Her wand was held aloft, This was a fine suggestion, except for one small problem: upon a meticulous
sparkling green Healing sparks. reflection lasting eight seconds, Draco had decided that he rather wanted to go.
In fact, she looked as though she’d just rolled out of bed. Her hair was in a long “But I want a G&T,” said Draco.
plait rife with escaping curls. She wore Muggle shorts and a large, well-worn Granger was still muttering to herself and not listening. “I’ll tell them you felt
University of Edinburgh jumper. Her legs and feet were bare. sick, or something.”
“I -- I felt you--” she stammered, gazing about at her new surroundings in “Sick? I’m the picture of health.”
bewilderment. “Your heart rate was through the roof, and your adrenaline spiked, and “I’ll say you ate something funny.”
it was horrid, I--” “I think not. There are hundreds of Muggle doctors here -- if I say I’m sick,
“No, it was wicked,” corrected Draco, still catching his breath. they’ll all descend on me and try to cure me. I don’t want anyone sticking a
“--I thought you were about to die!” stethoscope up my bum.”
“Hang on -- how did you feel it? How the hell are you even here?” “No one sticks stethoscopes up anyone’s bums,” said Granger in loud
“The bloody ring!” said Granger, waving the hand with the ring in question in his exasperation. Two conference participants who had been passing by gave Granger a
face. shocked look. Granger watched them go, aghast.
“Impossible,” scoffed Draco. “It’s only one way.” “Oops,” said Draco.
“Then how am I here, you utter crumpet?!” Granger’s jaw was tight. “You are positively the worst.” She turned and walked
This was a fair point and Draco was forced to consider that he might have to revisit briskly away.
his charms. His ire rose, however, because the malfunction was most certainly her Draco found himself grinning.
fault. “The only crumpet here is the one who took off the ring when she wasn’t meant And, speaking of bums, let it be known that Draco absolutely did not check hers
to and damaged something. That spellwork is delicate.” out, nor did he find the view pleasing at all, nor did he slow down on purpose to
Granger held her hands aloft, as though she couldn’t believe the absurd turn of the watch her.
conversation. “I didn’t come here to argue about who is the bigger crumpet!” Separately, with no connection whatsoever to Granger's bum, Draco concluded
“It’s you,” said Draco. “And since you came barreling here in your pyjamas to that robes were overrated.
ascertain my wellbeing, I can confirm that I’m fine. You can go. I’m sure you have The Turf Tavern was a stupidly busy place, especially so when the conference
better things to do.” had disgorged hundreds of thirsty participants into Oxford’s streets. Draco found a
This statement of fact was, apparently, the wrong thing to say. Granger’s table while Granger got them drinks (G&Ts all around) and they found themselves
shriekiness increased. crammed on a bench amongst a dozen of the finest immunologists and oncologists
“Better things to do? Me? O, no. My life is a lovely plinky plonky time!” in the world, getting progressively more drunk.
“Granger--”

94 | Ostara: Contrariness of Granger Six | 79

 Draco was asked what he did for a living. Granger had gone rather worried- Kitted up and ready to go, he flew towards the pitch, where the usual miscreants
looking when the question was posed (tch -- had she no faith?) but Draco had a were waiting: Zabini, Davies, Flint, Doyle, and other old school mates, and a handful
well-practised cover story at the ready. Tonks insisted on every Auror developing a of whatever players they’d rounded up for tonight’s game.
few Muggle biographies, and some backup wizarding ones, and she quizzed them “Oi oi,” waved Flint.
on their covers routinely to keep them on their toes. “The Chief Toff has arrived,” announced Doyle.
Draco shared his favourite. This evening, he was a pilot. Few Muggles knew very “Wind your neck in, Doyle, or I shall do it for you,” said Draco, angling his broom
much about the technicalities of flying, so, unless he encountered a real pilot -- down to their altitude.
unlikely, surrounded by tipsy doctors -- he was safe. And, of course, he had a Doyle raised his Beater’s bat at Draco in mock threat. “I’m more equipped to be
genuine passion for wizarding flying, which lent a certain veracity to his tales of bashing heads in.”
aeroplane heroics. “Five on five?” asked Davies, edging his broom between them and obviously eager
“Flying isn’t that hard, you know,” he said to the table. “Keep the blue side up.” to get started. “Let’s do it.”
Laughter. The doctor beside him indicated that such simple principles applied They played. It was after eight when they started, but the pitch was magically
in medicine, too: keep the guts in. More laughter. illuminated, and permitted a long game full of questionable rule interpretations and
Draco caught a wonder-filled glance from Granger, a mixture of pleasant surprise, feats of near death. The Snitch was an elusive thing that night: neither Malfoy nor the
and who the fuck are you. He twitched an eyebrow at her. She looked away, opposing Seeker had much luck, and they were both subject to taunting by their
nonplussed. teams as a result.
When asked when he’d arrived in Oxford, Draco said, “This morning.” When Midnight came around and Davies said shit, the missus was going to have his head
asked what he was doing in Oxford, he said, “Doctor Granger.” for staying out so late. They agreed to call it a draw, given the uselessness of their
Granger choked on her drink. More laughter. When Draco next stole a glance at Seekers and the otherwise even score, and to carry on next week, and celebrate the
her, Granger looked like she was going to lure him into a lonely alley and, there in the eventual winner with too much drink.
darkness, strangle him. Pops and cracks reverberated across the pitch as the players Disapparated home,
Who knew that teasing the swot of the century could be such a glee-filled activity. leaving Draco with the whole thing to himself.
Someone else joined their table to raucous cries of welcome -- the real Professor Now he could have some fun.
Takahashi. Granger shuffled closer to Draco along the bench to make room. He flew lazily upward in long loops, farther and farther up, until the pitch was a
Draco bent over and whispered, “Ask him if he had any troubles with his green rectangle far below, and the Manor was a doll’s house, softly glowing in the
registration.” Granger kicked him. night.
She spoke politely with the professor -- Draco heard snippets of their conversation Then he angled his broom down and plummeted into a Wronski Feint. He pulled
about Kyoto -- but his focus kept drifting to the feeling of Granger’s shoulder pressing up at the last minute, barely holding in the whoop of joy that wanted to burst
into his arm, and her leg touching his under the table. through his lips, and spiralled his broom back towards the black sky.
A waiter arrived bearing more food and drink. Someone had ordered an Once again, the pitch was a small green rectangle below, but Draco flew up even
enormous platter of cheese toasties -- oily, salty, and served with onion chutney. higher, until he fancied there might’ve been wisps of clouds between him and the
Narcissa Malfoy would’ve had a heart attack just looking at the greasy things, oozing earth.
with three different kinds of cheese. He dropped again, relishing the wind on his face, the paralysing sensation of the
plummet, the adrenaline bursting in his veins. It was glorious. It was freedom.

80 | Finding Serenity Seven | 93

 The walkers eventually bimbled off, having wished them well in their wedded life Granger passed Draco the platter in an ambivalent kind of way, as though she
and provided inane advice to Draco. expected him to turn his nose up at Muggle pub food.
Granger was grasping her sprig of gossamer destructively. As soon as the Muggles Draco took one. It was the best filth he’d ever eaten.
left, she flung it at the ground and asked why this was her life? Someone, somewhere, rang a triangular instrument, and called for those who
Draco assumed that the question was rhetorical and so did not respond. He pulled wanted to join tonight’s pub quiz to form teams.
out his wand and walked to where the Muggles had rounded the corner. Some of the doctors at the table took this as a sign to depart. Others appeared
“What are you doing?” asked Granger. amused at the timing, and eager to join in.
“I’m going to Obliviate them all,” said Draco. “I love pub quizzes,” said the grey-haired woman on Draco’s right. “Half the fun is
“Don’t,” said Granger with unexpected vehemence. “Memory charms are not to learning you’re a colossal moron.”
be used lightly.” “Bet we get trounced by some St John’s firsties,” said the doctor across from him.
“But--” “Nonsense,” said a third. “With Hermione here, this'll be a doddle. You are staying,
Now Granger was beside him. She snatched his wand hand and pulled it down. aren’t you, Hermione?”
“Don’t. It doesn’t matter. I promise you that those Muggles won’t be tarnishing your Granger glanced at Draco. “What do you think? If you’re tired, you can go back to
reputation or going to the Prophet with this -- this supposed development.” -- back to our hotel.”
“I don’t care,” said Draco, because he didn’t. “I thought you cared. You just Draco appreciated the attempt at providing him an escape, but he didn’t take it.
garroted me with your eyes.” He had rather an excellent buzz going, and he wanted to try this pub quiz thing,
“You don’t care?” Granger looked, for once in her life, perplexed. “I thought you’d and there was the warmth of a woman at his side, and it was all rather nice. “Pish
care.” tosh -- of course I’ll be staying.”
“Why would I care? They're Muggles.” There were cries of “Brilliant!” and then there was a general kerfuffle as everyone
“I don’t know. Never mind. Are we done here?” looked for paper and pens.
“Are you done here?” Draco was of absolutely no use for the first handful of questions, which focused
“Yes,” said Granger. on Muggle politics and sports. However, he did know how many keys a baby grand
“Then so am I,” said Draco. piano has (88), and what year Cessna was founded (1927), and which country’s
Granger stamped off through a kissing gate to a car park. national anthem had 158 verses (Greece; all 158 had been sung at the last Quidditch
Draco lingered long enough to watch her manoeuvre the car off the grassy verge World Cup).
and onto the winding country road. There were a few biology and science questions which the doctors hammered
She drove off without a backwards glance. Her registration plate said into the ground with an unnecessary level of detail. Draco learned that Picolax was
CRKSHNKS. Draco Disapparated with an irritated crack. used for something called colonoscopy preparation; one of the doctors nodded
grimly and said, “Night of a thousand waterfalls,” and Draco was too frightened to
ask for clarification. Then they quibbled with the host over the definition of
“subcutaneous” and quite intimidated the poor lad until he gave them the point.
A few days later, Draco got ready for Wednesday night Quidditch, which he hosted
The history and art questions would’ve sideswiped the whole team, but for
on the Manor’s well-manicured pitch.
Granger, who pulled them through. Then -- to general groaning -- they were hit by
mathematics exercises, and the team of youngsters beside them whizzed through
the lot and left the doctors sweating in the dust.

92 | Ostara: Contrariness of Granger Six | 81

 “Engineers,” said one of the doctors. “We never stood a chance.” Granger, still “But you knew that, because you read the book.” Granger’s façade was cracking.
stuck on a problem, looked vexed. She looked slightly manic under it.
Then geography, then music, then zoology, which Granger was solidly capable Draco waved the plant away. “Taking the ring off wasn’t in our agreement. You’re
of handling with occasional assistance from her colleagues. Draco didn’t even to keep it on at all times. That’s the entire point.”
attempt to help; he was on his fourth drink, and working out what monotreme Granger, who had turned to continue her descent, whipped back around. Her
meant was too deep a philosophy for him to pursue at the moment. ponytail slapped Draco in the face, a severe injury for which she did not even remotely
In the end, their team won -- largely thanks to Granger. apologise.
“We’ll have Hermione registered with English Heritage as a national treasure,” “D'you know what else wasn’t in our agreement? You breaching my trust and
said one of the doctors, giving Granger a pat on the shoulder. touching my things!”
Granger smiled, but her gaze quickly returned to the maths problem that had Ah, there it was: the shrieking.
tripped her up, scrawled out on a napkin. “I didn’t do anything to your book.”
The winning team received vouchers with some kind of monetary value. The “You weren’t to touch it in the first place! That book is beyond price!”
doctors handed over theirs to the young engineers who had come in second, saying Whipping around again (and hitting him in the face with her hair again), Granger
it hadn’t been a fair fight, since their combined years at uni were greater than the stormed down the hill.
poor engineers’ years alive in the first place. “Put the damned ring back on, Granger,” said Draco.
The evening wound down. The place grew quieter as most of the crowd left “No. I’m through with your surveillance device.”
after the quiz, except for Draco, who was rather enjoying the drinks, and Granger, “Fine,” called Draco to her retreating back. “I’ll tell Shacklebolt that I’m through
who was still working on the maths thing. and he’ll have you actually put under surveillance. With Aurors who will literally
Eventually, she poked one of the youths at the table next door and asked for an watch you round the clock. Every move, every fucking vial of whatsits you pour in
explanation. your laboratory, and every word you plonk into your computers!”
“It’s Borel’s paradox,” said the boy. Granger stopped. She made a strangled noise. Draco took that as agreement. He
“Oh!” said Granger. “Obviously...” stomped towards her.
The mystery was unlocked and she scribbled out the solution on her napkin. “Hand,” he said.
Then she threw down her pen with finality and stood up. Granger stuck out her hand.
“Let’s go,” she said. Draco grabbed it roughly. He wanted to put the ring on equally roughly, to show
Draco rose to his feet with care, waiting to see how much the drinks were going her how cross he was, but he didn’t, out of fear of breaking her finger. There was a
to catch up with him. It wasn’t too bad, considering. The cheese toasties turned out moment of blessed shriek-free silence while he slipped the ring back on.
to be rather absorbent. “Oh!” came a voice.
“Have a nice night, you two,” said the barkeep with a wink at Granger. Granger Some Muggle walkers had just popped around the side of the hill.
gave him a rather sickly smile and all but ran for the door. Cries of delight followed: “An engagement!” and “What a lovely couple!” and
Outside, neither of them was quite walking with their usual level of booze-free “Congratulations!” and “What a beautiful spot for it!”
confidence, though Granger was certainly getting on better than Draco. At one Anyway, Draco hadn’t known that Avada Kedavra could be cast using only one’s
point, she pulled him to her, just as he had been about to collide into a lamp post. eyes, but Granger was doing it quite competently.
“You’re meant to be watching over me,” she said. “Not the other way round.” Then she turned to the Muggles and made some sounds of agreement and false joy
“That pole came out of bloody nowhere,” said Draco into Granger’s hair. to move them along. Draco did not join in because he was dead.

82 | Finding Serenity Seven | 91

 “How did you find me?” She stepped away from him until he was firmly at arm’s length. “How are you
“What’s in your anorak?” asked Draco, because it looked suspiciously puffy. getting home? And don’t say Apparition. I’ll Stun you if you try.”
Granger zipped the anorak a little tighter. Her bright eyes grew dull with a sudden Draco was quite certain that, even in his giggly state, he’d be quicker on the draw
veil of Occlusion. “Nothing. There -- I’ve answered one of your questions, now you than her, but, nevertheless. “Floo, I s’pose.”
answer mine.” “There’s a connected hearth at my hotel. This way.”
“That was a lie, though.” Draco followed her through Oxford’s storied streets. The booze was settling and
“Well, that’s all you’re getting from me,” said Granger. She began to make her way the philosophy began to flow. He felt generous and at ease with the world. “Those
down the hill and away from Draco. “I don’t want to speak to you.” Muggles today -- they were all rather clever.”
“Don't you? Because you exploded my Jotter, commandeered my owl, and then “Yes,” said Granger.
sent me a Howler and an angry otter. Oi -- where are you going?” “You’re rather clever. With all the -- the diagrams, and the malts, and carts, and
“Away from you,” said Granger. things,” said Draco. It felt important that she know this.
Draco was annoyed -- had he missed whatever she’d come here for? Her Ostara She gave him a sideways glance in the dark. “Thank you. And please stop, you’re
thing? He must’ve. She was hippity-hoppiting her way away from him, looking frightening when you’re nice.”
altogether too pleased. He shouldn’t have had quite such a luxurious lie-in. “I’m frightening?”
“Granger! Get back here. We’re not done,” said Draco, hippity-hoppiting behind “Go back to making fun of my hair.”
her down the hill. “Fine. It’s horrid. You should shave it off.”
“I’m done here,” said Granger with an exaggerated lightness of spirit. “I wouldn’t “Better,” said Granger.
know about you.” “Don’t actually, though,” said Draco.
“You need to wear the bloody ring,” called Draco to Granger’s bouncing ponytail. “Are you sure?”
She clambered on, ignoring him. Then, without an iota of warning, she bent over. “Yes.”
Draco narrowly avoided ramming into her with what would have been full pelvic “Here we are,” said Granger. She pushed open the door of a small wizarding inn.
contact. The reception desk was empty and the fire in the hearth was low.
Yes, Tonks. She broke her neck falling down a hill. I thrusted into her too hard. Yes, Granger waved her wand at the embers and they blazed back to life as though
it was an accident. Yes, she’s dead. Please return my body to my mother in the fewest she’d cast a full Incendio.
pieces possible. “Are you a dab hand at fires, on top of the extension charms?” asked Draco in
Granger sprang up again, holding a sprig of something aloft. the face of this demonstration.
“What’s this?” she asked. “A bit,” said Granger, with unconvincing false modesty.
Draco stared at the thing. “A plant.” “I heard you set fire to Snape in first year,” said Draco, “but I didn’t believe it.”
“Specifically, gossamer. Do you know what kind of gossamer?” “Good -- that’s utter bollocks,” said Granger, not meeting his eye.
“F--” began Draco, remembering the old tome. He caught himself. “F-frankly, I’ve “You’re a bad liar.”
no idea.” “Off you go,” said Granger, sidestepping the remark and gesturing him towards
“Fali’s. It’s Fali’s Gossamer.” the fireplace. “I’m shattered and need my bed.”
“Good for Fali.” “But I want the story about setting fire to Snape,” said Draco.
“Go home, Malfoy.”

90 | Ostara: Contrariness of Granger Six | 83

 Seeing that he was getting nowhere, Draco threw Floo powder into the fireplace. away, even if his mother promised that she had no ulterior motives and that the
“You’re positively no fun. Malfoy Manor.” presence of any young, eligible witches would be coincidental.
The flames glowed green. His last sight, as he looked back, was of Granger, her Draco Flooed to the Mitre, the usual Cambridge pub, and from there he
arms crossed, her hip cocked to one side. Her dark eyes observed him like he was a Apparated to Granger’s ring, which brought him to her kitchen.
fresh maths theorem to unpuzzle. And, lo and behold, there was the ring, but there was no Granger. “You’re
On one hand, it flattered his ego to have intrigued the Great Brain. On the bloody joking,” said Draco to the ring on the kitchen table. Only the cat responded
other, given her propensity for solving things, it rather frightened him. He didn’t -- a pitiful meow at his mistress’ absence. “Your witch is a pain in my arse, you know
want to be solved. that?”
“Goodnight, Malfoy.” The cat curled itself into a sad orange loaf at Draco’s feet.
Draco stepped into the fire. Draco pocketed Granger’s ring with a mutter. Then he pulled out his wand and
cast his tracking charm. Good thing he made contingency plans. In front of him
glowed a map, and on that map were points of light brighter than the rest.
Granger’s old trainers remained, it seemed, in her laboratory at Trinity College.
The tea mug was somewhere in this cottage. The handful of her hairpins that
Draco had charmed were rather scattered -- some at the laboratory, some at St.
Mungo’s.
A single hairpin was currently gamboling through Uffington, for reasons
unknown. Reasons that Draco was rather eager to discover.
Draco Apparated to the hairpin.
“Surprise,” he said as he materialised before Granger.
She jumped a metre into the air, which was satisfying, and then swore at him,
which was even more satisfying.
Draco looked around to find himself at the top of a green, wind-swept hill. It
was a strange kind of formation: tall, but flat across the top. The turf below his feet
was rich, green, and deliciously springy, except where it was interrupted by large
splotches of chalky white. All around him undulated a lovely vista of rich pasture-
lands, meandering hedgerows, and wandering sheep-paths.
Dragon Hill, where legends tell of St. George killing a dragon, whose blood
burned the turf to bone-white chalkiness where it ran.
Now Draco turned his attention to Granger herself, who was all kitted up in her
Muggle walking gear. Her hair was in a high ponytail, which lent her a sporty kind
of air over her usual scholarly bun. Her nose was pinkened by the March wind.
Her brow, of course, was marred by a frown.
“How the bloody hell are you here?” asked Granger.
“Where are we?” asked Draco.

84 | Finding Serenity Seven | 89

 Her response was instantaneous, if off-topic.

7
That book was NOT yours
to touch.

Where are you going at

Ostara?

You are NOT invited. Ostara:

Don’t need an invitation.
Contrariness Of Granger

D
I do not need supervision by raco’s next warding visit to Granger’s house was marred by what was, in
prying nitwits. retrospect, a slight lapse in judgement. As weeks had gone by and he had
made little further headway on discovering the nature of her research
See you soon. project, his mind turned to a certain Object of Interest in her study: the tattered
grimoire on the plinth. The one that she had threatened to cry about.
And so, one morning in early March, when Draco was preparing for his
She didn’t respond. perennial visit to Granger’s cottage, he sent her a note indicating that he’d be going
Bit pouty, sometimes, was Granger. into her house, if that was all right, because he hadn’t warded the windows
individually, and it was bothering him.
Granger acquiesced with a dry:
The Not-Invited Prying Nitwit had a lovely lie-in on Saturday before getting ready
to Apparate to Granger. If you really find it necessary.
Frankly, after her hijinks with the Keepers of the Well, she had lost any privileges
she might’ve had to make calls about whether or not she needed Auror supervision.
Draco had no faith that Granger wasn’t about to throw herself into a den of Yes, he did.
vampires to get her hands on some other obscure flask. Draco timed his visit to coincide with one of Granger’s lessons at Trinity, to
Those virtuous reasons aside, the timing of Granger’s weekend escapades ensure that he wouldn’t be disturbed as he snooped. When he arrived, her cat --
continued to serve Draco’s purposes. Today, Granger’s frolic, whatever it was, perhaps sensing something nefarious afoot -- took up a position of power on the
coincided with one of his mother’s luncheons. Draco was glad of the excuse to be roof, and stared at him as he recast the outside wards.

88 | Ostara: Contrariness of Granger Seven | 85

 “Only doing my job, cat,” said Draco, making a great show of it. The cat Draco denied, denied some more, and then Stunned the Jotter so it would stop
regarded him with cynicism. buzzing.
He entered the cottage and warded the first floor windows with alacrity, then Then Granger somehow got hold of Boethius, and used Draco’s own owl to
bounded upstairs to do the others. Granger’s bedroom was done first, with send him increasingly heated queries. Draco sent Boethius off with a missive to a
minimal looking about, because the cat was at the door, and watching him. Then friend in Italy, which would keep him out of Granger’s hands for at least a week.
the yoga room. Then, finally, he came to the study. Then a Howler landed on his lap in the middle of a briefing with Tonks. It got
The grimoire was still on its plinth, open in the middle, still surrounded by the as far as, “MALFOY, DID YOU--” before Draco incinerated it.
green glow of stasis charms. Draco warded the window under the watchful eye of Tonks’ eyebrows rose. “Was that Hermione?”
the cat and drifted towards the tome. “Yes,” said Draco.
The cat’s stare grew more penetrating. “That explains that,” said Tonks. She gestured to the Foe Glass behind her. One
Draco peered at the visible pages. Through the stasis charm, the words were of the shadows looked rather familiar in form: a slender woman, a pile of curls on
blurred and seemed to dance. The script was laboured and heavy. It wasn’t English her head, her hands on her hips, silhouetted against the grey.
-- in fact, bits of it looked French -- Anglo-Norman, perhaps? In that case, this was “I suppose she’s having violent thoughts about me by proximity to you,” said
an old book -- five centuries, at least. Tonks. “What did you do?”
From the bits that he could understand, he was looking at an elaborate “Nothing,” said Draco, which was essentially true.
description of a landscape: a green hill under dancing bluebells, and gleaming Tonks stared at him for a long time, her fingers tapping against her desk. “I will
thistle-down, and the velvet-soft leaves of Fali’s Gossamer. assume that whatever you did was done in your professional capacity as an Auror,
That was all that Draco could make out, the rest was too damaged. He to ensure her continued protection.”
remembered Granger’s moment of volubility at the Mendip Way, something about “That is always my primary objective,” said Draco.
descriptions of flora giving her clues for her mysterious pursuit. None of the plants Tonks gave him another long look, then turned back to his report on the Dark
mentioned here had featured on her list, however. This must be a different site. artefact smugglers. “Be careful, Malfoy.”
He dearly wanted to see the book’s cover. Thus dismissed, Draco returned to his cubicle.
He glanced at the cat. The cat all but shook its head. He had barely sat down when a silver otter dove at him out of nowhere. It called
“Just a quick look,” said Draco to the cat. “I might be able to help her, you him a nosey prat and a bloody liar, and advised him to jump off a bridge.
know.” The cat whisked its tail in disapproval. Draco sent his own Patronus back with a request to Granger to kindly keep her
Draco did it anyway. Using his wand as a lever, so that he didn’t touch the book loud otters to herself: he was working.
at all, he lifted the cover enough to peek at the front. For a short while, that was that. Draco kept an eye on Granger’s schedule to spot
It was entitled, Revelations. breaks in her calendar during which she might decide to come and find him in
The cat meowed a wrathful meow. person. She did not, possibly because she was saving lives or other such tomfoolery.
Draco let the cover fall back into place and left the cottage rather quickly. That was when he noticed that another of her asterisk holidays was coming up
rather soon -- that weekend, in fact.

Draco didn’t know how, but Granger suspected something. First his Jotter went off So - Ostara is coming up.
with a series of messages, questioning him about whether he had touched the book.
—he Jotted casually that evening.

86 | Ostara: Contrariness of Granger Seven | 87

 Draco would’ve informed her that she was quite the mistress of Transfiguration “Macmillan,” said Draco, shaking his hand. “How are you? Introduce me to
herself, but he didn’t want her to develop an inflated ego. She nevertheless caught the your fr--” The lovely woman turned towards Draco as he spoke.
way he tested the weight of the goblets. She smiled into her scarf. It was bloody. Fucking. Granger.
“Nice sheen on the gold,” he admitted. Draco’s shock was such that he almost heaved up his martini.
“A pretty illusion,” said Granger, looking pleased. “But thank you.” She paused and But it was her. Her unruly hair was caught into an elegant chignon at the base of
hesitated before adding, “I heard you’ve an interest in Alchemy, so your approval means her neck. Her usual attire was replaced by a long green gown, probably Muggle in
more than the average wizard’s.” provenance, but nevertheless beautifully tailored. Her intense gaze was made even
“My approval should mean more than the average wizard’s in all things,” said Draco, more so by the dark smudges of some cosmetic thing or other around her eyes.
studying the goblet in the firelight. “What are you doing here?” asked Draco, freshly perturbed, because he had
Granger raised her eyes to the night sky. been imagining this woman’s back and bum from all kinds of interesting angles for
Draco filled their goblets with the mulled wine. “While we're on the subject of the past quarter hour and it was fucking Granger.
Alchemy -- you’d tell me if your project involves the creation of a Panacea, wouldn’t Literally. Fucking. Granger.
you?” His question was rudely put. Macmillan stepped closer to Granger (which,
“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves,” said Granger, though she was grinning. somehow, annoyed Draco further), and said, “Hermione was personally invited by
Draco was seized with sudden excitement, because if anyone could, from what he’d Monsieur Delacroix, along with all the Healers who helped him. Didn’t you hear
learned of this witch over the past five months, it was probably her. the speech?”
“Are you creating a Panacea?” he asked, leaning towards her. “Is that what “Ah,” said Draco, feeling stupid.
Shacklebolt’s so worked up about?” Granger raised one eyebrow in enquiry. “I wouldn’t have expected you here,
She met his eyes without hesitation. “No. Don’t be ridiculous.” either. I didn’t think health care aligned with your interests.”
“Hm.” Macmillan, who appeared to have taken on the role of mediator between them,
“I’m afraid you’re developing rather too high an opinion of me. I’m a mere Healer, now stepped closer to Draco. “I understand that the Malfoys are making a rather
muddling along with my Muggle methods and paltry magical know-how.” substantial contribution to the new ward.” He slapped Draco’s shoulder officiously.
“Paltry,” repeated Draco with a scoff. “Good sorts after all, these Malfoys, aren’t they?”
“D’you want more cheese? This one’s rather too sharp for me...” Granger gave Macmillan one of her fixed smiles.
Draco took the cheese and mulled over his mulled wine. Perhaps it wasn’t an outright Meanwhile, Draco was nodding as though he was perfectly aware of this large
Panacea that she was working on, but he rather felt the scope was similar. He had a plan contribution, which, come to think of it, his mother might’ve mentioned two or
to pry the information out of her, however. He simply had to be patient. three times, if only he’d been paying attention.
The fire crackled on, eating away at its remaining peat. They stared into it, and, as the “Of course,” continued Macmillan, “we haven’t pieced together the identity of
night wore on, found themselves almost hypnotised by the dance of the flames. The the Anonymous Contributor, who is going to be matching the evening’s proceeds
fiddler’s song turned mournful and grave. Galleon for Galleon. My money’s on one of those old French blokes in Delacroix’s
The fire, the peat smoke, the earth -- it smelled like history, like new becoming old, entourage. Lemaitre owns half the vineyards in Burgundy...”
and old becoming new. Macmillan interrupted himself at the sight of a tall wizard passing their group.
Perhaps it was the wine, perhaps the late hour, perhaps the lingering potency of “Ah -- I’ve spotted Finbok. Please excuse me. I’ve got to harass him about some
Beltane night, but the moment took on a dreamlike quality to Draco. Granger became a new legislation he’s pushing -- perhaps if I get him more to drink...”
chiaroscuro-painted vision of a witch, her windblown hair melding into the shadows

140 | The Orkney Islands Eight | 105

 This left Draco and Granger alone, off to the edge of the larger circle. Granger “No. They’ve kept her legendary flame alive, for generation upon generation, in these
was still observing Draco with a raised brow, which made him realise that he was islands. Isn’t it incredible?” Granger’s eyes were bright. “What a thing to witness. What a
gaping at her like a cretin. thing to feel, on my own hands. It’s surreal. It’s extraordinary.”
However, there was no way to say, Sorry, it’s just that I’ve been fantasising about “What do you need the ash for?” asked Draco, since she was being so voluble.
taking you from behind for the past quarter hour without sounding like an even Granger clamped her mouth shut.
bigger cretin. Draco shrugged. It had been worth a try.
To cover his botheration, Draco said, crossly, “You’re meant to inform me when He dug into the pockets of his cloak to pull out the provisions from Thurso. He
you’re attending public events. Now I can’t even enjoy myself -- I have to mind passed the cured meats and cheese to Granger and tucked the flask of mulled wine
you.” against the fire to warm up again.
It was Granger's turn to get testy. “Mind me? Who is going to attack me? My Granger looked surprised, though whether it was at the foresight or the unexpected
colleagues? The family of the man I helped pull back from the brink of death? kindness, Draco wasn’t certain. She tore the packet open. “I’m actually starved. Thank
Delacroix brought in the best security money can buy, or did you not notice the you. This was so thoughtful of you, I--”
other Aurors? Have you done anything other than look at bums since you arrived? Draco cut her off to waylay further fluff. “Didn’t bring any Banoffee pie in that
And I did inform you that I was attending -- two weeks ago!” anorak?”
There were rather a lot of accusations being levelled at him in this tirade. Draco “No,” said Granger. She fished about in one of the pockets. “I do have a few protein
selectively addressed a few. “I came to look at bums -- that’s the only reason I’m here. bars, though. They might be a bit squished...”
And the bum selection is paltry, just so you know, barring a few -- er -- anyway, it’s Draco didn’t know what a protein bar was, but it tasted like cheap chocolate, which
been a monumental waste of time. And you most certainly did not tell me you’d be was glorious on his tongue after all the sea salt.
attending. I would’ve remembered, because I would’ve been annoyed, because They ate. Granger was mannerly about it, taking small bites interspersed with further
minding you interferes with looking at bums.” commentary on Cerridwen. Draco wondered, for the first time, what her family was like,
Granger crossed her arms. “I most certainly did tell you. Check your Jotter.” and whether they were well off Muggles? She had a sense of decorum and a kind of
Draco pulled out his Jotter under her withering glare, a seed of doubt now in his innate dignity that spoke of good breeding.
mind. He was a little slow about doing it. Granger made an impatient sound and “Hippocampus would be correctly pluralised as Hippocampuses, I think,” said
leaned in closer to him to turn the pages herself. (Draco noted that she smelled Granger. “I think Hippocampi would be an incorrect attempt at regularising Latin --
good, again; light whiffs of something sweet and airy tonight.) Hippocampus is a Greek word. Technically, you could say Hippocampodes, I suppose?
They flipped through a few pages of Granger communications, until-- “Ah,” Although Hippocampus is now an English word, so really, Hippocampuses is quite
said Draco. correct, too.”
As it happened, Granger had indeed told him two weeks ago -- shortly after he “I’ll take your word for it,” said Draco, fetching the warmed mulled wine.
had Stunned the Jotter into silence. “I’m not a linguist, so you shouldn’t.”
The Jotter closed with a snap. Draco proffered the flask to her.
Granger looked indignant, though she was attempting to keep her body language “I’ll make us some goblets,” said Granger, plucking protein bar wrappers from
neutral to not cause a scene. Draco’s lap. “So proper,” said Draco. His mother might actually like Granger.
“See? How dare you scold me like a wayward child," she hissed in a fierce whisper. “This wine has been heated by the flame of Cerridwen. We aren’t sucking it out of a
"I’m meant to be here. I’m a guest of honour!” flask like sixteen year olds behind The Hog’s Head.”
Granger Transfigured the wrappers into handsome golden goblets.

106 | The Party Ten | 139

 They were near the centre of the ring now, walking amongst many peat fires and Some angel or other rescued Draco by calling Granger over to meet a cohort of
carousing witches and wizards. Granger was staring at the fires in restrained excitement. French Healers. She left, but not without a dark backwards glance at Draco that
Her grasp on Draco’s arm grew tight. promised that this wasn’t over.
As Granger’s attention was elsewhere, Draco pointed his wand at a few passersby and Draco made a strategic retreat to Zabini and Theo with something less than his
cast nonverbal Legilimency. He was satisfied that this was a low risk situation -- the usual swagger in his stride.
general mood was festive and tipsy and no one cared who they were. Zabini chewed delicately on a quail brochette. “That looked like it went well.”
The peak of the celebration was over and things were drawing to a jolly close. Tents “Fuck off,” said Draco.
were being put up here and there on the periphery of the fires, while around others, “Poor old boy needs more drink in him,” said Theo, gesturing over a waiter to
groups were settling down for some whisky-fueled philosophy. refresh their libations. “Have this, Draco, and stop staring at Granger like a slack-jawed
Draco and Granger were accosted by friendly merry-makers and invited to join their idiot. I don’t fancy Potter coming over here to defend her honour.”
fires. Granger politely declined and steered them to a quieter end of the henge, where a “I didn’t realise it was fucking Granger,” said Draco, feeling utterly wrong-footed
small fire burned low. by the entire affair.
“Let’s wait for this one,” she said. “Neither did I,” said Zabini. “She’s grown up into something rather nice, hasn’t
“I suppose it has to go out naturally?” asked Draco. “No dousing charms?” she?”
“No dousing charms. Beltane ash at its most primitive.” “I work with her,” said Draco. He took a fortifying swig of whatever throat-
Granger Transfigured two stumps into cushy ottomans, which she and Draco pulled burning substance Theo had provided.
towards the fire. “Do you?” Theo looked intrigued. “What have Aurors got to do with Healers?”
After the bitterly cold flight, the heat was positively magnificent. Draco sat close, but “Top secret, so you can fuck off too,” said Draco.
Granger was near enough to roast her knees and set fire to her hair. She pulled off her “Interesting,” said Zabini, studying Draco a little too closely for comfort.
mittens and held her hands close to the flames. He turned his attention back to Granger, who was now deep in conversation with
“Of the thousands and thousands of Beltane fires tonight, why these ones, the French Healers. “Why isn’t she taken and popping out kidlets yet? Wasn’t she
specifically? In the most desolate corner of the UK?” asked Draco as his face began to engaged to the youngest weasel?”
thaw. “I think so,” said Theo. “But let us remember that Granger was snogging
Granger had a ready answer, of course -- and seemed delighted that he’d asked. international Quidditch players at age fourteen. Menfolk might’ve peaked early for
“Because the fires on this Holm are from a very specific fire -- the very one that her.”
Cerridwen used for her cauldron. I don’t know if you remember her tale...” “It’s all downhill after Krum and his broomstick,” snickered Zabini. “The rest of us
“Only whatever was on her Chocolate Frog card,” said Draco, vaguely recollecting a oiks haven’t a fucking ice cube’s chance in hell.”
witch with masses of dark hair. “Looked rather like you, come to think of it.” “I like a challenge,” said Zabini. “And I do like brunettes. Brunettes with brains
“Psh,” scoffed Granger. “I can only dream of becoming a fraction of the witch she are another thing entirely.”
was. She was a mistress of Transfiguration, amongst many things -- she could transform Draco had fallen silent for the duration of the conversation. The subject matter
into any creature at will. She makes today’s Animagi look jejune. Anyway -- I’ll spare you was irritating him profoundly, though he didn’t know why. He had heard -- and
the treatise -- you might’ve noticed that these flames look a little redder than normal participated in -- a thousand versions of this banter himself, previously, but
fire?” tonight...
Draco nodded; the flames were indeed ruddier than usual. “I assumed it was the Narcissa called Draco over to introduce him to some of the Delacroix family’s
peat.” particular friends. A friendly patriarch, his elegant wife, and their two pretty

138 | The Orkney Islands Eight | 107

daughters, aged 26 and 28, respectively. Draco was aware, as he spoke to the women, “That was brilliant!” Draco spun under the stars, holding his arms aloft.
that he could please his mother by showing an interest in one of the daughters, and “Exhilarating. Fucking magical.”
also please himself by fulfilling his aim of finding a witch to bring to bed. Granger said nothing. Draco cast a Lumos at her. She appeared to be hugging the
However, he found himself uninterested by their conversation and distracted by earth. “You all right?”
the crowd around him, where he occasionally saw a glimpse of a dark green gown. “Just a moment,” gasped Granger.
He told himself that, now that he knew Granger was here, he was once again seeing Draco left her to compose herself. He cast a few spells inland, which informed him
her as his Principal and therefore keeping an eye on her. that there were about a hundred witches and wizards on the island, and almost an equal
Draco was asked if he liked to dance, and he said yes absently, and found himself amount of fires, great and small.
on the dance floor with the younger of the two sisters, still distracted. Granger had regained her feet. Draco, seeing how bloodless she still looked, offered
Granger was dancing with Potter. her his arm in a kind of gentlemanly automatism. She took it, her own grasp all a-
“I didn’t know you were the strong silent type,” giggled the woman in Draco’s tremble.
arms. What was her name again? Amandine? He’d go with Amandine. They advanced towards the centre of the island with the Beltane fires and the sound
“Mm,” said Draco, still watching Potter and Granger. of a cheerful fiddler guiding them in. As they walked, Draco began to notice immense
“Is that Harry Potter?” asked Amandine, following his line of sight. “I’ve heard a shapes on either side of them, only perceivable because they were a black opacity,
bit about him, I think.” permitting no light of the stars through them.
“Only a bit?” asked Draco. (Bless the French and their utter disinterest in English “Standing stones,” said Granger.
affairs.) “I think he was involved in your last war, non? A hero.” “There are henges this far north?” asked Draco.
“Yeah. Something like that.” He didn’t actually care whether or not there were henges this far north, but questions
“And the woman with him, too?” of that nature were sure to awaken the swot in Granger and distract her from her jitters.
“Yes,” said Draco. He was right. Granger began in a weak kind of voice which gained in strength and
“They are rather beautiful together,” said Amandine, watching Potter laugh at enthusiasm as she progressed. “Yes -- this is one of the oldest stone circles in the UK. The
something Granger said. “You can see the connection--” megaliths are thought to date back to about 3200 BCE. They’re around three metres tall
“He’s married,” cut in Draco. “They aren’t together.” -- absolutely breathtaking in daylight, I’d imagine. This henge is called the Ring of
“Ah. Well -- friendship is an equally strong bond.” Eynhallow.”
Draco let the Amandine prattle on about her opinions on the bonds of love and “We’ll have missed most of the merrymaking, I think,” said Granger as they grew
friendship. The song was drawing to its end. If he was going to gauge her interest in close enough to the crowd to hear voices. “Too bad. I’d hoped to see some of the rituals
any nighttime activities, the time was now. He could slide a hand towards her in person...”
backside, dip his face into her neck, ask her what her plans were after the party. “Which rituals?”
The steps were clear and the witch, from the way she was pressing herself to him, “Oh, old protection magicks. Handfastings. Offerings to the Aos sí. Lots of jumping
was interested. However, Draco found that he had no interest in doing so. over fires and other silliness, too. I don’t know why wizards think that’ll impress a witch,
The song ended and a slower number began. Draco relinquished his grasp on but then, wizards do a great deal of things I don’t understand. Like viper neckties.”
Amandine’s waist. He walked her back to her parents with some polite commentary Now Granger fell silent, mulling over that particular bout of idiocy. “But, well -- at
about the evening and how lovely it had been to meet them all. least I’ll have got what I came here for.”
He ambled towards the bar, where Theo and some former Slytherins and
Ravenclaws had set up camp.

108 | The Party Ten | 137

 She looked down to where the enormous, sleek heads of the horse-like creatures had “Zabini’s gone,” said Theo as Draco neared. “Took the older sister with him. Said
split the waves. One disappeared again, but the other breached, its huge tail arcing just he’d leave you the less experienced one. But it doesn’t look like that panned out for
below them, then vanishing without a splash into the waves. you either. Losing your touch, mate?”
Draco slowed, wanting to turn back and observe them, but the first Hippocampus “No spark,” said Draco with a shrug.
had appeared again ahead, closely followed by its mate. He urged the broom to catch up. “There's always Granger,” said Theo. “She looks like she'd like to set you on fire --
The creatures picked up speed and Draco matched them, skimming the waves just at the sparks aplenty.”
height of their manes. Draco stole a glance towards where Granger stood amongst other Healers. It was
They raced. true that her looks in his direction were of the fiery variety.
Draco asked the broom for more. The majestic creatures moved easily below and “But I suppose you don’t want to die tonight,” said Theo. He made room for
beside them with no sign of exertion save the pearling mist that burst out of their wide Draco at the bar.
nostrils. “She’s off-limits in about a hundred different ways, even if I did have an inclination
One, slightly smaller, was sea-glass green, her mane as white as the foam cresting towards masochism.”
around her. The other was larger, blue as the sea-swells, and just as swift, keeping close to “How does she get on with your mother?” asked Theo. “No reason.”
his mate. Draco’s eyes widened. He looked over his shoulder. Theo chortled. They watched
Saltwater soaked them. Draco pressed on, and he was a wave, and the sea-horses were as Narcissa Malfoy’s small group drifted towards the French Healers that Granger had
waves, and they flew and crashed and foamed, and they surged on, and now they were been speaking with.
the wind, and now they were the brine, and now they were seafoam before the storm. Draco wasn’t certain that his mother and Granger had ever addressed each other in
The wave-riders turned west towards the open ocean. Their pale eyes peered at Draco person since the trials fifteen years ago. Those had been a tense affair, but Granger’s
and Granger, and the male threw back his gorgeous head, as though challenging them to testimony had been of tremendous assistance in clearing up Narcissa Malfoy’s name.
follow towards unknown shores. Draco knew that he could not. Granger had been (terribly) honest in her accounting of her time in the Manor, but
The pair disappeared like swift-finned spirits, a vision fast-fading against the elusive had made it clear that Narcissa Malfoy had been an unwilling, powerless onlooker,
sea. and that her later actions had ultimately saved Harry Potter’s life.
Then there was only Draco, breathless, and Granger, shuddering, and the cloud- Granger had, however, been less generous in her testimony on Lucius Malfoy’s
foamed waves. wartime acts, and her depositions on that front had added to the substantial pile of
Neither of them spoke. The broom resumed her course. evidence that had resulted in the elder Malfoy’s Azkaban sentence.
Now, on their left and right, there loomed the dark forms of landmasses. They had Draco wasn’t certain where Granger fell on his mother’s list of people to blame for
entered the Orkney Isles. Lucius’ eventual decline and death in Azkaban. Nor did he know how that weighed
The wind grew less cutting and the seas less rough. against Narcissa’s own freedom, as well as Draco’s, in which Granger had also played a
Ahead of them, a small island glowed like a jewel amongst the dark seas, alight with part.
Beltane fires. The broom, sensing her destination near, put on a fresh burst of speed. Draco was too far away to make out much of what was said between the two
Draco spotted a flattish rock face by starlight and came in for a landing. Granger groups. He saw Granger’s back straighten at Narcissa’s approach, but her expression
must’ve closed her eyes again, because when her toes hit the ground, she squeaked, and remained neutral. Likewise, his mother’s shoulders were set, but her usual polite smile
would’ve tumbled off the broom but for Draco’s arm around her waist. was firmly in place. They shook each others’ fingertips and quickly turned to converse
Draco dismounted. Granger’s activity would’ve been more accurately described as a with others.
kind of sagging tumble into the moss.

136 | The Orkney Islands Eight | 109

 “Psh.” Theo swirled the ice cubes in his glass. “I’d been hoping for something more
interesting.”
“Haven’t you got a red-head to chase?” asked Draco, making a shooing motion.
“I do,” said Theo. “But first, liquid courage. She’s one of the French delegation.

10
And most certainly too good for me.”
Theo jutted his chin towards Granger’s group of Healers. Narcissa had moved on
and a lovely red- haired witch was now beside Granger.
“I’m not even sure she speaks English,” said Theo.
“Try voulez-vous coucher avec moi,” said Draco.
Theo repeated the phrase with great sincerity, though his accent was appalling. “Bit
forward, I think. But maybe I will. I’ll blame you when it all goes awry. I’ll say you told
The Orkney Islands
me it meant she had pretty hair.”
“Do not speak my name in front of Granger. I’d rather she forget that I exist.”

D
“Too late,” said Theo, pushing away from the bar. “I like this plan. It makes me raco had enjoyed a great many flights in his young life, but that trip
look like a sweet innocent and you like a dickhead--” across the North Sea ranked as one of the most savagely beautiful he’d
Draco reached out to stop him but Theo’s sleeve slipped through his fingers. ever experienced. He was almost glad for the old broom -- it forced a
“--Which is the natural state of things, anyway,” said Theo with a smirk over his level of care in his flying, and attention to the winds, that his newer brooms didn't.
shoulder. The flight was quite technical. The cross-winds were many, and the weather
Draco debated the ethics of a quick Tongue-Tying Jinx to the back of Theo’s head capricious, so Draco chose a low flight path about ten metres above the surge.
as he neared his red-haired target. The air was salty and cold and splashed across their faces like kisses from ghostly
The problem with morals was that they made you waste time. Theo was at the red- mermaids. As they reached open waters, a Great Skua joined them in their flight. It
haired witch’s side now, having somehow procured two glasses of wine, one of which observed Draco with a beady eye, its wingtip a mere metre from his face. Then it
he offered to her, and the other to Granger, who declined, as she was still nursing her dropped to the sea’s surface, skimmed wings with its dark watery double, and
champagne. soared away again.
Theo said something that made the two Healers laugh. He looked theatrically As they flew northwards, the skies cleared to reveal a fragile scatter of stars in the
distressed. Then he turned around and pointed at Draco with an exaggerated sky. Below them, the reflected constellations spilled and plunged into the waves.
gesture. The red-haired witch shook her head at him; Granger looked unimpressed. The sight was sublime. It made Draco feel small and inconsequential.
Draco rather felt that he had to defend his good name. He snatched up his own The Calming Draught must’ve kicked in, because Granger felt a hair less tense
drink and stalked over. between his arms, though her mittens were still twisted hard around the broom. As
“Do not believe a word out of this man’s mouth,” he said as he neared them. far as Draco could tell, her eyes were still closed and she was missing all of these
“Draco assured me that it meant that I was admiring your lovely hair,” said breathtaking vistas. But, he supposed, whatever got her through it.
Theo, his hand on his chest. “I would never say anything so ungentlemanly, Something big broke the water below them.
Mademoiselle.” “Granger -- look! There’s a Hippocampus! No, there’s two of them! Hippocampuses!
The red-haired witch looked amused. Meanwhile, Granger was regarding Theo Hippocampi?”
with a healthy dose of scepticism. At least she could see through his charade. “Oh!” gasped Granger, finally opening her eyes.

110 | The Party Ten | 135

 Draco turned them northward and began to pick up speed. Granger, eyes closed and “How do I say, ‘do you want to dance’?” asked Theo.
all, felt the change, and expressed violent wishes with regard to Draco’s fate in this world “Voulez-vous danser avec moi,” said Draco and Granger simultaneously.
and the next, which would have made a more delicate man weep. “What they said,” said Theo.
Draco merely said, “Steady on, Granger,” and slowed them down by 0.01 percent. The red-haired witch regarded Theo for a long time. Finally, she said, “D'accord.”
“To the Holm of Eynhallow, old bird,” said Draco, giving the broom a pat. Theo gallantly held out his arm, said something pretty about strangers in a strange
Next stop: the sea. land, and swept his new companion towards the dance floor.
“Suave fuck,” muttered Draco.
“Unctuous, rather,” sniffed Granger. “I can’t believe that worked on Solange.”
“Perhaps Solange wants some English beef for a change,” said Draco.
“I shall ask her to review of the quality of the beef in the morning,” said Granger
with a cynical look at Theo’s retreating back.
“You must tell me if it’s mediocre,” said Draco.
“Why?” asked Granger.
“Ammunition.”
“You are terrible friends to each other.” Granger studied Draco over her glass.
Then she seemed to recollect herself. “I’m still angry with you. Go away.”
“Fine,” said Draco. There were a dozen witches in this room who enjoyed his
company; he didn’t see why he’d waste time with the one who despised it.
However, before he could plunge back into the crowd, Granger asked, in French,
“Since when do you speak French?”
The question was posed in an irritated kind of way, as though he owed her an
explanation on that front.
“Since when do you speak French?” replied Draco, also in French, because if
anyone owed anyone an explanation, it was her.
“I have family in Haute-Savoie,” said Granger.
“The Malfoys are from the Loire region.”
“Hm.” Granger sipped at her champagne, regarding him with narrowed eyes.
“What?” asked Draco.
“It explains so much,” said Granger, switching back to English.
“So much what?”
“Just--” Here Granger made a gesture towards Draco’s general being “--
Everything.”
Draco wasn’t certain of what she was implying but he felt that it was less than
complimentary.

134 | Beltane Eight | 111

 “Haute-Savoie explains a lot about you,” was his retort. “I’ve got it -- I’ll take a Calming Draught,” said Granger, riffling through a pocket.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” asked Granger, bristling immediately. “Just half of a dose, mind, to keep the edge off. I don’t want to overdo it on the soporifics
Draco gestured towards Granger, as though she were composed entirely of raclette and topple over...”
and too much vermouth. The Calming Draught was drunk and, finally, Granger climbed on. Her seat on the
Granger put a hand on her hip. “Do you own a chateau?” broom was tense and pinched up. Her grasp was white-knuckled through the mittens.
“Yes,” said Draco. Her eyes were closed. The Calming Draught clearly took more than a few seconds to
“So there,” said Granger, triumphantly, because obviously, that explained kick in.
everything. “Are you ready?” asked Draco, climbing on behind her. “Just fly,” sputtered Granger
“Psh -- you probably do that Muggle thing -- the thing on those long foot paddles.” through clenched teeth.
Granger regarded Draco with an artificial blankness of expression. Draco flew. He took them on a few low circles around the shed to get acquainted
“Stop playing stupid. It doesn’t suit you.” with Old Glory. The broom was a stiff old harridan, but she was doughty enough to
“But I haven’t any idea what you’re talking about,” said Granger. make headway through the northern wind, encumbered with the two of them. She was
“You know exactly what I’m talking about. Ksiing? Sciing?” steady in the air, far more so than Draco’s flighty models at home, which twitched away
at the touch of a finger. For a voyage over this arm of the North Sea, Old Glory would do
Granger did her best to look uncomprehending. (It was not an expression that she
well. Slow and steady.
was used to -- she did it terribly.)
Draco informed Granger of this fact in an attempt at reassurance. A gurgle was his
“Skiing!” said Draco, pointing sharply at Granger’s face.
only response.
Granger occupied herself with her drink.
Given that Granger’s hands were occupied with strangling the broom, Draco cast
“I knew it,” said Draco. He opened his mouth to cast further aspersions on her
wind-breaking spells over the two of them, so that they might hear each other talk. He
character in the form of queries about her gîte in the Alps and getting guttered on
also cast warming charms, which made Granger shudder gratefully against him, which
génépi, but a limp hand caressed his forearm for attention.
felt interesting.
It was one of the eyelash-fluttering Pure-blood witches from earlier: Luella.
Draco’s final adjustment was having a passenger, which was a rare occurrence for him.
“Draco, you’ve hardly danced at all.”
The weighting felt different and the steering trended downward.
This was very much an invitation, and as a well-mannered wizard, Draco’s
The few times he’d doubled up on brooms had been for dates and those flights were
response should’ve been to ask Luella to dance. However, the very feel of Luella’s
succeeded by landings in a secluded location and good snog. Draco rather doubted that
languid hand on his sleeve was aggravating, as was the moon-eyed look in her eyes.
there would be sexy bum wiggles against his groin on this flight: Granger clung to the
He simply didn’t want to.
broom like grim death, unmoving, as though she had been Petrified onto it. Only her
Draco’s delay in responding was noted by Luella, who peeked around his hair eluded the stiffness -- the few strands that escaped her bun softly touched his face.
shoulder to see Granger. Granger studied Luella with one of her analytical looks. She smelled like shampoo and antiseptic.
“Oh,” said Luella with a polite gasp at the sight of Granger. “Unless you were Draco leaned forwards and put his hands on the broom in front of Granger, ready to
already--” go. She felt small and fine-boned between his arms.
“No,” said Granger, at the same time as Draco said, “Yes -- we were just about to.” “Cosy,” said Draco.
“No, no,” said Granger, backing away. “You two dance. Please, enjoy yourselves.” “Urk,” said Granger in an eloquent verbalisation of her terror.
“O, but I couldn’t take your partner away from you,” said Luella with a colourless
smile. “I’m so sorry to have interrupted -- so silly of me, I hadn’t seen you...”

112 | The Party Nine | 133

 “Already had,” scoffed Draco. “But, good -- there won’t be anything left but ash by “But—”
the time we get there, at this rate.” Luella cut off Granger’s protests with a wave and minced away in the direction
“Right, well, I hadn’t counted on an idiot wizard attempting to wear a Lebengo of the bar.
Viper as a tie today.” “What are you doing?” hissed Granger as Draco took her arm and placed it over
Granger stood back and studied the glowing quadrant for a few minutes. Then she his. He plucked her half-finished glass of champagne and dropped it onto a floating
looked at the 1965 Glorious Glider in Draco’s hand. Then she looked at the stormy sky. tray.
‘Not delaying research for another year’ glowed red. “You owe me,” said Draco. “Or did you forget me saving you from Dr. Whatsit?”
“Fuck,” observed Granger judiciously. “If I’d known this would be the payment, I would’ve taken the drink with Dr.
Draco cracked a grin. Whatsit.”
“Let’s do it.” This was said very bravely. However, Granger's face was pale. “You Draco steered Granger towards the dance floor. “One dance to keep me out of her
needn’t look so pleased,” she added. clutches.”
Draco grinned harder. “Front or back?” he asked, holding the broom horizontal. “Your mother is here,” said Granger, looking about in obvious unease.
“I’m steering, either way.” “And? I’m meant to do goodwill stuff. Building bridges and all that rubbish.”
“Which is least horrid?” asked Granger as the broom wobbled before her. “But -- but we’re not even on speaking terms, normally -- does she even know
“If you’re on the back, you’re solely responsible for holding on,” said Draco. “But you’re working with me?”
you’re out of the wind and you can’t really see anything, if that helps. If you’re on the “No. And you’re working with me,” corrected Draco.
front, there’s nothing between you and the wild blue. But you can hold the shaft and I “You were assigned to me.”
can hold you.” “Exactly.”
(There were about sixteen jokes that Draco could’ve made about shafts at that Granger made a sound of irritation, as though Draco was the most frustrating
moment, but he was sensible enough not to do so. He thought he should be creature in the entire world. She was wrong, however -- that title went to her.
congratulated for his restraint.) “Harry is here,” was her next objection as the dance floor came into view.
“I’m not sure I trust myself not to faint away and fall off the back,” said Granger. “Brilliant. I’ll tell Potter I wanted to keep a closer eye on you. Someone was acting
“You would be holding me at the front?” suspicious.”
“Yes.” “Who?” asked Granger, because, evidently, she had to interrogate Draco on every
It wasn’t clear whether this was a good or bad thing. Granger wrung her hands. aspect of this fabricated plan.
“Haven’t they got any life vests or helmets or things? I should’ve packed a parachute.” “Theo,” said Draco without hesitation.
“A what?” Theo was currently snogging the red-haired witch a few metres away. Granger
“Never mind. I’ll take the front. Hold me. If I die -- I just -- I have a lot of things I observed this fact, then asked what exactly Nott was doing that was so suspicious?
want to do before I die. Please don’t let me die.” “That's a diversion tactic,” said Draco. “Don’t underestimate him.”
She looked both deathly serious and ready to cry. “You aren’t going to die, Granger.” “The only thing I underestimated was Solange’s fondness for Lincolnshire
“I hate flying.” sausage,” said Granger, watching Solange grope at Theo’s crotch.
“I know. Get on.” “Will you stop gawping and dance?” asked Draco. He slid his hands to her waist
“Maybe you should Stun me and wake me up when we get there.” and gave her a squeeze, which served to remind her that her hands should be at his
“I can’t hold your ragdolling corpse in these winds, Granger.” shoulders. With evident reluctance, she placed them there.

132 | Beltane Eight | 113

 “Put some sincerity into it, Granger,” growled Draco under his breath. “I Draco propped the broom against the ground and leaned on it with great
pretended to be a pilot for you for six hours in that pub. This is one bloody dance.” munificence. “All right. I await your solution.”
“You enjoyed pretending to be a pilot!” whispered Granger. “I am not enjoying “I’m thinking,” said Granger. “Give me a moment.”
pretending to be whatever I’m pretending to be, for your friend and whatever game it Granger thinking apparently involved stripping. Draco looked away. Though she
is you’re playing with her.” was wearing Muggle clothing under her Healer robes, it felt too intimate to watch. From
To her credit, she did attempt to lessen the obvious tension in her stance, but a minuscule pocket in her Muggle jeans she pulled out her anorak, boots and scarf. The
Draco could feel the lingering rigidity in her hips. “Can't you relax?” ensemble was finished off with knobby woollen mittens.
“No. I’m dancing with Draco Malfoy,” snarled Granger. “There is nothing “We're going to conduct a SWOT analysis,” said Granger. “Every conversation with
relaxing about this.” you is a swot analysis,” said Draco.
Draco permitted himself a large and dramatic sigh. “Also, it’s not a game. Make it “S.W.O.T.” said Granger.
look real. If my mother suspects that I turned down a dance with a Very Eligible “I know how it’s spelled.”
Witch for a fictive dance with you, I shan’t hear the end of it.” “No. S.W.O.T. -- it’s an acronym.”
Granger manoeuvred him towards the wall at the back of the dance floor, using “Funny way to spell Granger.”
other couples to screen them from view. Granger took a deep breath and told herself loudly that Draco Malfoy’s central
“Why did you turn her down?” she asked. “She seemed your type.” Well, that was ambition in life was to be a perfect nuisance, and she must stop encouraging him.
presumptuous. Draco said that there was no encouragement needed -- it was his natural state.
“What’s my type, Granger?” Granger waved her wand and a glowing quadrant came to life before her, with the
“Wealthy (I assume), Pure-blood (I also assume), blonde, stunningly beautiful... following labels: Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, Threats.
probably also owns a few chateaux in the Loire valley...” Above it glowed “Broom Ride Across the Sea.”
It irritated Draco that this list was more or less correct. She had neglected certain Granger populated the quadrant with a rapidity that suggested a familiarity with this
other womanly attributes he kept an eye out for, but then, she was rarely vulgar. technique. Weaknesses and Threats she filled easily, with things like ‘Sea-ghast
Seeing that Draco hadn’t responded to her, Granger gave him an inquisitive look. attacks,’ ‘Hypothermia,’ and ‘Probable death.’
“Am I wrong? Aren’t you going to tell me I’m making terrible assumptions?” In Strengths she put ‘Not delaying research for another year.’ This seemed to have
“No.” import -- she made it glow red.
“Then why?” Draco was pleased to see her also put ‘Malfoy’ under ‘Strengths.’ “Because,” as she
“None of your bloody business,” said Draco, because he owed her no explanation explained, “You can actually fly.”
whatsoever. And also because he couldn’t quite put it into words himself. However, she also put ‘Malfoy’ under ‘Threats’: “Because you’re a maniac who will
“Hm,” said Granger. probably do loops and things and kill us both.”
Once again, Draco found himself the subject of one of her looks of assessment, the In Opportunities, Draco took the liberty of adding ‘Make Granger scream.’
same look she gave particularly intriguing problems. Granger crossed that out and put, ‘Obtain ash.’
“Stop looking at me like I’m a maths theorem,” said Draco. “From the Beltane fires?” asked Draco (surreptitiously adding Granger screaming
To Draco’s surprise, this earned him a smile from Granger. It brightened her eyes back in again).
and dimpled her left cheek. It was gone as quickly as it had appeared. Draco blinked -- “Yes. You’d have worked it out eventually.”
it had felt like a flash of sun.
“Malfoy’s Paradox,” said Granger, more to herself than him.

114 | The Party Nine | 131

 Draco turned. Granger was running towards them along the docks. Her Healer “I beg your pardon?”
robes were streaked in something that looked rather like six gallons of blood. “Nothing.”
“Merlin’s tits,” said Draco. “You look as though you’ve just murdered someone.” The witch in his arms grew quiet and thoughtful. Though she was there -- the silk
“Crivvens,” said the dock boy, growing pale. “Is that blood?” at her waist was warm under his hands, her wrists were a small pressure on his
“Severed carotid artery -- it looks worse than it was, he’s alive,” panted Granger. She shoulders -- she was also not there. Her eyes had grown distant.
waved her wand at herself in an Evanesco. “Where’s the boat?” Granger was thinking. About him. That was alarming.
“S’gone, miss,” said the lad. Draco noted that he was addressing Granger with far There was at least one happy side-effect, which was that, with her mind occupied
more courtesy than him -- looking like a murderer inspired respect. “Ye’ll have to come elsewhere, Granger’s body relaxed into him a little more, and he felt less like he was
back tomorrow.” holding up a plank, and more like he was dancing with a woman.
“Come back tomorrow?” repeated Granger. She was on the verge of getting shrieky, Which was alarming in its own way, as this witch was more pleasing under his
but she was attempting to keep it together. “I can’t come back tomorrow. It has to be hands than any witch that evening had been, and the occasional soupçons of her scent
today. It’s Beltane.” that drifted his way when they moved were more delicious than the potent perfumery
The dock boy gestured powerlessly at the empty dock. “Please don’t murder me, that had accompanied Luella and her ilk. Which was all well and good, but this was
miss, it weren’t my doing. We do let brooms, if ye fancy the flight? The rain's let up, at Granger, for fuck’s sake.
least?” Draco straightened his arms out so that Granger was literally at arm’s length. She
Draco took a fresh interest in the conversation. “Show me the brooms.” came back to herself with a frown, as though dealing with some disturbing thought.
“Brooms?” repeated Granger, now definitely on the verge of shrieking. “Hi,” said Potter’s voice, making both Draco and Granger jump. A moment later,
“Don’t let her kill me,” said the lad as he showed Draco to a shed. “Two Knuts to hire Potter’s dishevelled head was between the two of them. “Excuse me, but what the hell
one, but we ask for a Sickle for a deposit.” is going on here?”
The brooms were everything that Draco might have hoped for in this remote Draco did not permit Granger time to answer. “Fuck off and let me do my job,
outpost: weathered, fatigued, and of questionable durability. Potter.”
“Any two seaters?” Never one to fuck off on demand, Potter persisted. “Why are you keeping her so
The lad disappeared into a dark corner and pulled out an ancient model. “Old Glory. close? Did you see something?”
She looks tired, but she’s weather worthy, sir -- my daddy taught me to fly on this one.” “It’s not--” began Granger.
“A formidable endorsement, to be sure. Has she got nav?” “Exactly -- it’s Nott,” said Draco, jutting his chin towards Theo. “Acting suspicious.
“Rudimentary, sir. But she knows the Holm.” The lad tapped his wand to the Sniffing around.”
broom and said, Potter turned to observe the wizard in question, whose face was somewhere in the
“Holm of Eynhallow.” The broom tilted herself to a mounting position and pointed red-haired witch’s neck. He frowned. “I’ll take care of him.”
steadily northwards. “Harry, it’s not--” said Granger with fresh frustration.
“Done,” said Draco, handing over a Sickle that was worth fifteen of these brooms. “It’s Nott, yes,” interrupted Draco with benevolence.
The boy pocketed the coin and, apparently not daring to face Granger again, scurried “I’m on it, Hermione,” said Potter, retreating to take up what he no doubt
away. considered an inconspicuous position near Theo.
Draco returned to Granger with the broom. Granger’s grasp on Draco’s shoulders now shifted towards his neck and suggested
“No,” said Granger. thoughts of strangulation. “You are the worst,” she said in an exasperated whisper.

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 “Be quiet -- I want to watch this,” said Draco, angling them so that they could both Another ten minutes passed, during which Draco sat near a window and watched
see Potter. the rain mercifully make way to grey sky. Whatever obscure island amongst the
“Why Nott?” asked Granger. Orkney archipelago that Granger needed to get to was warded in its entirety against
“Why not, indeed.” Apparition, so they would be taking a ferry.
“I am going to murder you.” Given that dinner time was approaching and Granger was still missing, Draco
“All right,” said Draco. “But first, let me enjoy my revenge.” accepted the barkeep’s offer of cured meats and cheese.
In the next five minutes, Draco was treated to the highly enjoyable sight of Potter
glaring at Theo, ‘accidentally’ bumping into him, spilling his drink on him, and If you aren’t here in fifteen
generally being a hostile presence within two feet of the man, no matter where he minutes, I am assuming you have
moved. Potter could cut a rather intimidating figure when he wanted to, bolstered by been captured and will be
the legends of his feats as a war hero and as an Auror, and Theo soon began to notice Apparating to you.
his observer and break a sweat about it.
Eventually, Theo relinquished his grasp on Solange and made some excuse to her. — was Draco’s next missive to Granger. Rather more of a threat, really.
Then he tottered drunkenly towards Draco and asked Draco to be honest, as he’d had
a lot to drink, but was he actually snogging a French red-head or was it Potter’s wife, After contemplating his empty plate, he asked the barkeep to prepare a second
the Weasley girl, that he’d been getting off with by accident? And was Potter the type portion as a takeaway. It wasn’t in the range of his normal behaviours to be so
to curse a man when his back was turned, or would he be able to leave the party thoughtful, but, well, Granger clearly wouldn’t have had time to eat, and he didn’t
unscathed? want to waste a moment on her arrival scurrying about for food.
Draco magnanimously pointed Theo to the exit and said that he would take care The last ferry for the Holm of Eynhallow was scheduled for six. It was now five to.
of protecting him from the wrathful Potter, not to worry, old chap. Draco paid the barkeep for the provisions, Jotted to Granger that he’d be at the
“You are dreadful,” was Granger’s comment, when all was done, and Theo had docks, and made his way there.
left, witch-less and nursing blue balls.
Draco said, “Job well done,” to Potter, who gave Draco a thumbs up, and 5 minutes
disappeared into the crowd.
“I love Potter,” sighed Draco. “You rile him up and point him in a direction and--” — came Granger’s response.
“I do hope you’ll find me less easy to manipulate,” said Granger.
Draco preferred not to answer that precise question. He moved her hips in one Draco arrived at the docks just in time to watch the last ferry disappear into the
direction, and then in the other. “Not too bad,” he said. “A bit stiff; perhaps we need misty sea.
to get another champagne in you.” The lad at the dock was interrogated with vigour on why the ferry had left at 5:58
“I meant metaphorically, as you very well know,” said Granger, growing even more and not 6:00 as indicated on the schedule. He shrugged and said that his father left
rigid under Draco’s hands. when he wanted to leave, and ‘sides, there had been no other passengers here. The
“I don’t think you’re quite as gung-ho as Potter,” said Draco. (More was the pity.) posh mister should’ve shown up sooner. Come back tomorrow.
“But still overzealous.” “I’m here,” came a breathless squeak.
“High-strung,” suggested Draco.

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 Granger rose and tidied up a little, which was a clear signal that Draco was “I am not high-strung,” said Granger in a high-strung voice. After a pause, she
overstaying his welcome. amended the statement with, “You make me high-strung. You are infuriating.”
“How are you getting to Orkney?” asked Draco. “Load of tosh,” said Draco. “I’m charming and debonair. Magnetic. I can’t even
“The Hogwarts Express,” said Granger with a bit of a snarl. walk across a room without witches falling into my lap.”
“There’s a wizarding pub in Thurso,” said Draco. “I caught a trafficker there a few “Tss.”
years ago. Stop growling at me. I’m being helpful.” “It’s true. Have a look about.”
“I thought Floo travel was tracked.” Granger glanced around and found that it was indeed true, as Amandine, Rosalie,
“I thought this was a holiday.” Luella, and some of the evening’s other witches who were dancing nearby were casting
“It is.” long glances towards Draco.
“Then make it look like one. Use the Floo.” “Do they want your name, your money, or the inexpressible pleasure of your
“Fine.” company?” asked Granger.
“Pub’s called The Polished Knob.” “All three. I’m a triple threat.”
“You’re joking.” “You certainly are,” said Granger. Before Draco could be flattered, however, she
“No.” Draco rose. “Thank you for the tea. See you at the Knob.” counted to three on her fingers: “Tension headaches, heart palpitations and general
chaos.”
Draco scoffed. “If you didn’t traipse about with offal in your pockets to deal with
Granger was late. hags, I wouldn’t have to be such an imposition. You give me tension headaches. Why
Draco paced back and forth across the Knob’s flagstone foyer for ten minutes before can’t your gallivanting take you to safe little teas and meetings about orphans?”
caving in to the barkeep’s friendly offer of blackberry mulled wine. Now it was Granger’s turn to scoff. “Safe little teas? You fled your mother’s last tea,
“S’fair jeelit oot,” said the barkeep. Draco nodded, assuming that this incomprehensible or have you forgotten?”
statement was a comment on the bollocks-freezing weather. “I haven’t,” grimaced Draco. “From one coven of hags directly into another.”
“It’s the first of May,” he said, cupping the warm wine. “Why does it feel like bloody Granger looked pensive. “However -- if my next bit of gallivanting involves tea and
January?” ladies, it would guarantee your absence, and I can avoid you altogether.”
“At least it’s only weet and not snaw, lad,” said the barkeep. “Who are ye waitin’ for?” “When is it?”
“A witch,” said Draco. “Beltane,” said Granger.
“Obviously, or ye’d have gone by naw. I’ll bottle up some wine for yer lass.” “Where?”
“A colleague,” specified Draco. “But, thank you.” “Malfoy Manor. The Tea Parlour.”
He took out his Jotter and sent an impatient series of to Granger. “There isn’t a Tea Parlour at the Manor.”
????????? “No?”
He received no response. Through his ring he felt faint echoes of her heart rate, not “No.”
panicking, but certainly elevated. Her schedule told him that she was at St. Mungo’s Granger waved her hand. “Wherever the ladies gather in the greatest numbers with
A&E -- or at least, that she was meant to be there till 4:30, and Flooing into the Knob the most orphans. Do you think I should patent this?”
at 4:45, and yet, she wasn’t here, and it was now quarter past five. “Patent what?”
“My recipe for Malfoy Repellent. I think there could be a market for it.”

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 “That market would consist entirely of you. I rather think there’s a greater demand “I’ve never been to the Orkney Islands,” said Draco. He attempted to open the
for Malfoy Attractant, but good luck identifying the formula.” computer thing again, but Granger swatted his hand away. “I’m rather looking
Granger cast furtive glances towards the miscellany of witches looking longingly at forward to it.”
Draco. “You could be right.” “There’s nothing to look forward to -- you aren’t coming.”
“I’m always right.” “Is it to do with your project?”
“Bums,” said Granger. “No,” lied Granger, making strong eye contact with Draco’s left eyebrow. “It’s for a
“I beg your pardon?” holiday.”
“For the Attractant formula.” “Eyes, Granger, eyes. You need to convince me in my soul.”
“...Yes,” said Draco. She met his eyes again, but only an exasperated truth came out. “Yes, it’s to do with
“Bums and not inviting you. Two key components to ensure that you’ll pop by. the project.”
And removing tracking devices. And telling you to go away. You are a contrarian of “Then I’m going with you.”
the highest order. I still want to know how you tracked me at Uffington without the “No. You can go to Orkney whenever you'd like. You needn't come with me. This
ring, by the by.” will be an absolutely safe, harmless trip. No offal. No hags.”
“Dowsing rods.” “I’m not letting you go to the arse-end of Scotland on project business by yourself.
It amused Draco that Granger did not immediately dismiss the possibility. With my luck you’ll be gutted by a kelpie and I’ll be made a martyr amongst
However, after a moment of reflection, she said, “Liar.” wizardkind.”
“Tell me about Beltane,” said Draco. “Don’t be ridiculous. I won’t be near any bodies of water.”
“You are very, extremely, intensely invited to come. I would give worlds for you to “You are going to the Orkney Islands,” said Draco, enunciating the final word
be there. Nothing would make me happier,” said Granger, exercising this new reverse slowly.
psychology theory. “I know that, obviously. But my business there is fire, not water.”
“Excellent,” said Draco. “Right -- Beltane is one of the fire festivals,” said Draco.
“I will be removing my ring to ensure your presence.” Here Draco stilled, but “It is. Actually, it--”
Granger’s eyes sparkled in mirth. Granger cut herself off, seeming to belatedly realise that the more she continued
“You think you’re funny,” said Draco. “If you break that one-way spell-work again, the conversation, the more she was disclosing.
I shall be cross, and I shan’t fix it.” “Have you finished your tea?” she asked in an overt attempt to change the subject,
Granger gave him a querying look. “You say that as though it’s a terrible threat.” and also kick him out of her house.
“It is.” Draco checked his mug, which was empty. “Almost.”
“How?” Granger, her mistrust evident, reached over, hooked her hand around his wrist,
“Do you really want to feel every permutation of my heart rate through that ring?” and tilted it towards herself.
asked Draco. “I wish I could lie with a fraction of your brazenness,” said Granger, contemplating
“You’ve got it calibrated so you only feel dangerous extremes, I thought?” the empty mug.
“Do you know how to calibrate it on your end?” She released his wrist. Her fingertips had felt warm against his skin.
“No.” “Comes with practise,” said Draco.

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tea -- it was a Friday night, and his mates were all out getting bollocksed and waiting “Exactly. You don’t want to feel my every exertion and wonder what the fuck I’m
for him to join them -- but, truth be told, Granger could be an even more stimulating doing -- or who.”
source of entertainment. “Eurgh,” said Granger, shrinking away. “Noted.”
In the front room, Granger had resumed her seat on the sofa. There was a large The song they had been more-or-less dancing to faded into silence. The magically
book on her knee and a foldy kind of computer beside her. A fire purred and flared in amplified voice of Augustin Delacroix echoed towards them from somewhere in the
the hearth. The cat was stretched out on a fluffy rug, so flat that it wasn’t immediately middle of the room, thanking all for their attendance.
clear where the rug ended and where the cat began. “What did you cure the bloke of, anyway?” asked Draco.
It was rather a tranquil scene. Granger seemed to have found her peace again. “Healer-Patient confidentiality,” tutted Granger. “I can’t tell you.”
She sighed. “Reading by the fire when it’s raining is the closest thing we have to a Draco, who had posed the question out of idle curiosity, was intrigued to find that
cure for the human condition.” Granger’s eyes had lost their sparkle. She was Occluding again.
Draco crunched his biscuit loudly. Delacroix continued his speech. He indicated, to raucous applause, that between
This was not the correct response. Granger glowered at him. Then she returned to his family’s own philanthropic contributions and the evening’s proceeds, they had
her book. doubled their original objective. The Delacroix Ward was going to become a reality.
Draco slurped at his tea. Hundreds of champagne glasses materialised at head-height for the guests to pluck
Granger obstinately kept her eyes on the page. out of the air and raise amongst cries of Cheers! and Santé!
Draco sauntered over and joined her on the sofa, quite uninvited. Granger’s eyes Since Granger was conveniently beside him, Draco touched his glass to hers.
narrowed at the impertinence. A group of Healers swallowed Draco and Granger, and there was much clapping,
“What are we reading?” asked Draco. “Is it the book?” bise-giving, and chinking of glasses. Granger exclaimed, with other overexcited St.
Granger shuffled away from him a little. “No, it’s not the book. I would never Mungo’s Healers, how wonderful this was, how brilliant the new ward was going to
handle that one so casually.” be, how many lives this would change for the better, and so on and so forth.
“What’s in the Orkney Isles?” asked Draco. Draco quietly faded out of the group, leaving Granger and her colleagues to their
“What?” said Granger, looking up. celebration.
Draco pointed at the foldy computer, where a paragraph on those distant Scottish His last sight of Granger was her smiling as she clasped hands with another Healer
islands glowed on the screen. Granger reached over and slammed it shut. and spun about. She was bright-eyed, joyous, and lovely under the soft lights.
“None of your business.”
“That’s Beltane sorted, then,” said Draco. “Good. I was wondering where we’d be
off to.”
“No, it isn’t,” said Granger, in an utterly transparent lie. “I was looking them up
out of -- out of simple curiosity.”
Draco was feeling magnanimous. “Try again, but with more eye contact, this
time.”
She really did try. Her eyes met his and she held his gaze, and she opened her
mouth to lie again, but all that came out was “Ugh.” Draco tutted.
Granger looked vexed.

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 “I promise my mother won’t be trying to marry you off to the Delacroix
daughter.”
Granger placed a mug of tea in front of Draco. “Is that what she’s trying to do with

9
you? Rosalie is a nice girl. I got to know her when I was treating her father.”
Draco waved his hand; this conversation wasn’t meant to be about him. “Anyway,
look out for my mother’s owl. Consider attending, at least.”
Granger was not so easily diverted. “Rosalie is sweet. I like her.”
“Then you marry her,” said Draco.
“Maybe I will,” said Granger.

Beltane “She was on some French nobleman’s arm last I saw, mind you, so you might’ve
missed your chance.”
“Damn it.”
They sipped at their tea. Granger began to watch the clock. Draco felt that

I
saw you dancing with the Granger girl,” was Narcissa’s opening remark at whatever time she had allotted for her break and socialising was coming to an end. He
" breakfast the next morning. could almost see her working out how rude it would be to leave him alone with his
Well -- for Draco, it was breakfast. More technically speaking, it was lunch, tea, versus how much she wanted to return to her reading, versus how little she
given that it was noon. (Theo was getting the last laugh: whatever drinks he had wanted him to be unsupervised in her house.
served Draco had resulted in an enormous hangover.) Draco was never one to make her life easy -- in fact, tormenting her was becoming a
“I did,” said Draco. preferred amusement and hobby -- and he therefore drank his tea with agonising
“Why?” asked Narcissa. Her tone was light. She buttered her toast as though she slowness.
didn’t actually care about the answer, which meant that she cared very much. Granger’s foot was bouncing under the table. Her mug was empty and had been
“I was saving her from a dance with someone she didn’t want to dance with,” for some time. “Is it too hot?” she blurted out at length. “Cooling charm?”
said Draco. (This was an inverted kind of truth, but it was fine -- his mother was no “No, I’m enjoying it,” said Draco moralistically, as though he were being virtuous
Legilimens.) rather than a nuisance. “Have you any biscuits?”
“Ah,” said Narcissa. “The gentlemanly thing to do.” Granger waved her wand to summon biscuits and placed the package rather
“Yes.” forcefully in front of Draco.
“I think it was a good idea,” said Narcissa. He opened it with unsurpassable care and delicacy.
Draco met her eyes in surprise. Granger suspected something. Her gaze surveyed Draco with doubt, which turned
to mistrust when she saw him smirk.
Narcissa nodded to herself. “Public perception is so important. Draco Malfoy
dancing with Hermione Granger sends the right kind of message. We are progressive “You’re doing it on purpose. I knew it.”
and we have moved beyond old prejudices. We are relevant; we aren’t vieux jeu.” She rose, all pretence of politeness gone. “I have things to do that are far more
Draco made a muffled sound of acknowledgement around a mouthful of productive than watching you pretend to drink tea. Don’t touch anything. You can
omelette. see yourself out.”
The gig being up, Draco picked up his half-finished tea and a biscuit, and followed
Granger to the front room. He, too, had better things to do than to pretend to drink

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heavenly mess of buttery biscuit crust, condensed milk, whipped cream, and the Narcissa poured tea. “Miss Granger is making a name for herself far beyond her
occasional wonky banana slice. Draco only ate three (3) cat hairs. accomplishments in the War. You heard Monsieur Delacroix talk about her last
Draco had done a great many sinful things in his life, but demolishing a banoffee night -- really a remarkable witch.”
pie with Granger, with their shoulders brushing and their fingers sticky with toffee, “Mff,” said Draco through his omelette, because he hadn’t.
felt so delightfully naughty, it gave him a frisson. Narcissa gave him a sharp look (she strongly opposed speaking with one’s mouth
The cat assisted in licking the worktop clean between bursts of Granger’s Scourgify. full). “In any case, you may have given me an opening to invite her to some of my
As Granger put the kettle on, Draco was reminded that he ought to give her a heads- functions, if she owes you a favour for the rescue. I've got a few Half-bloods on my
up about Narcissa’s plans. lists, but a real dearth of Muggle-borns...”
“By the by,” he said in a casual sort of way, “You should expect an invitation from Narcissa continued in this vein until she was interrupted by a tap at the window.
my mother. She wants to have you for tea.” Boethius, Draco's eagle owl, was petitioning for entry, bearing a letter.
“What?” exclaimed Granger, immediately on the alert. “Tea? Me? Why? What did “Excellent,” said Draco when he opened the letter.
I do?” “What is it?” asked Narcissa.
“She saw me dancing with you and decided that it was a Good Look to cultivate a “Leverage,” said Draco.
rapport with a much-beloved Muggle-born witch.” He conjured a quill and scrawled out a response.
“How strategic of her,” said Granger, fetching mugs with evident agitation.
“It’s not a punishment.”
“Yes it is. I don’t like society things.” April came and went in a foggy drizzle. Draco saw little of Granger, whose schedule
“Psh, you were just at the Society Thing of the season, and you did very well,” said seemed even more impossibly crammed than it had been previously.
Draco. He forced an interaction -- a wellness check, really -- on a Friday evening when
That had been a compliment, by the way, but Granger didn’t clue in. “The she, wonder of wonders, had nothing on the agenda. It seemed a convenient time
Delacroix event was different -- it was for Healers. I was amongst my own. Not posh to pop by and recast her cottage’s wards.
Pure-bloods who will laugh at my every misstep.” It was pouring, as it was wont to do when Draco had to work out of doors. He
“You don’t have to go if you don’t want to,” said Draco. “Obviously.” cast the strongest rain-repellent charms in his arsenal upon his person and got to
“I’ll have scheduling conflicts for the next year; tell your mother that, will you?” work.
Draco gave Granger his most unimpressed look. The lights were on -- Granger was home. He could see her silhouette in the
“What? You’ve seen my schedule -- is it not true?” warmly lit cottage, curled on the sofa with a book. Eventually, the shape of the cat
“You find time to host Kneazle information booths. Surely you can find time for a appeared at the front room’s window to observe Draco. The cat must’ve made a
cup of tea.” sound, because Granger’s figure followed soon after.
“I do not host Kneazle information booths.” She peered outside and gave Draco a small wave, then came out to stand on the
“I promise that the ladies aren’t that frightening.” doorstep, wrapped in an overlarge Muggle jumper. Muggles still worshipped the
“Might I remind you that you nearly Splinched yourself to get away from them?” Greek goddess of victory, apparently; Nike’s name figured in prominent letters across
“You’d Splinch yourself too, if you were threatened by the bonds of holy Granger’s chest. Her legs were clad in those Muggley leggings. Her feet were bare.
matrimony with every lump of sugar.” “Hullo, Malfoy,” called Granger through the rain.
Granger grew serious. “I would, at that.” Draco supposed that they had last parted on decent terms -- they must’ve, since her
first words weren’t go away.

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 He aimed his wand high and cast a silvery grid of light above Granger’s cottage. Granger had a cooking mitt in her hand and seemed, briefly, to consider slapping
“What’s that one called?” asked Granger as the geometric filaments spread him with it. However, she took a breath and turned away to take something out of the
overhead. “It’s beautiful.” cooker instead.
Draco, focused on his casting, did not answer until the ward was set. Draco pushed his hands into his pockets and sauntered in. Globs of cream climbed
“Caeli Praesidium,” he gasped at length. “It's to repel airborne entry.” all the way up the splashback. It looked as though a small dairy had exploded.
“Never heard of it,” said Granger, watching the silvery sheen dissipate into the “I do like what you’ve done to the place,” said Draco.
rainy sky. “Overzealous mixing spell, if you must know. I’m not bothering to clean up until
“It’s one of mine,” said Draco. “There’s a point of weakness at the apex of most I’m finished.”
parabolic wards. This one is like armour -- based on geodesic polyhedrons. Strong, but Granger cast a cooling charm on the pan's contents -- a crust of some kind -- and
a real bugger to cast.” began to spoon generous portions of condensed milk, toffee, and cream onto it.
This was an understatement -- the thing was exhausting at this scale, over an entire Draco was intrigued. And hungry.
dwelling, but Draco, being a prideful sort of wizard, didn’t like to admit that. Granger waved her wand towards a bunch of bananas, which peeled themselves
He wiped at the mixture of sweat and rain that dripped down his brow and eyed somewhat messily. She sliced them with another movement -- rather uneven slices, but
Granger. He was satisfied that she was alive and that she had remembered to eat in the she nevertheless floated them towards her concoction.
last week. He could make a clean report to Tonks in good conscience. “It’s not the prettiest in the world, but it’s... something,” said Granger, looking
“Right -- I’m off,” he said, holding up his wand to Disapparate. doubtfully at her lopsided creation.
“Wait,” said Granger. “What is it?”
Draco waited. “Banoffee pie. I fancied some but the village bakery closed early today. And, well, I
“You look done in,” said Granger. There was a moment of hesitation, and then she had bananas.”
asked, “Can I offer you a cup of tea?” “Excellent,” said Draco. He pointed his wand in the general direction of Granger’s
Draco stared at her. “Now I've got to check if you’ve been Imperiused. Where did cabinetry. “Accio spoon.”
we get engaged?” A drawer burst open and a large spoon flew towards Draco. It was adorned with
Granger’s fists found her hips somewhere under the Nike jumper’s ample folds. cat ears. “Really,” said Draco, as the spoon floated into his hand.
“Uffington, and we didn’t. And forget I asked. Invitation rescinded.” “That was a novelty gift,” said Granger, attempting to snatch the spoon from him.
With that, Granger stamped her way into the cottage and shut the door behind Draco kept her well out of reach with one arm and stretched towards the pie with
her. Draco reflected, as he climbed the steps after her, that she was correct about him the other.
turning up when he explicitly wasn’t invited, like some kind of reverse-vampire. “It’s not ready yet,” protested Granger. “It’s got to set!”
“Anyone home?” he called as he walked in. “It’s fine,” said Draco. “I’m bloody starving.”
“Go away,” said Granger from somewhere within. “I shall never be nice to you Granger stopped straining for the spoon. “Ugh. Don’t blame me if it’s gooey. Can’t
again.” you cut out a piece and put it on a plate? Surely we can be more civilised than this?”
“Good -- it unbalances me.” “No. I’m always civilised. Let’s be barbarians.”
Draco followed Granger’s voice to the kitchen, which looked positively disastrous. Granger pushed a plate into his hand regardless. He laughed when she attempted
“If you comment on the state of my kitchen--” to serve a “piece” to him, which collapsed into a glob of cream and caramel sauce.
“Absolute bedlam, Granger.” As ugly as it was, the pie was delicious. Draco disregarded the plate and ate directly
from the pan, and Granger soon followed his heathenish ways, and they shared a

122 | Beltane Nine | 123

 “They’ve been undercover as a religious order for centuries, to escape behind her, her eyes catching the red firelight. Her hands were stretched to the fire and it
persecution. They protected the Magdalene when she fled from the Holy Land. seemed to Draco that the flames were attracted to her, and that she could have stroked
Stealing from them will be slightly more complicated than Apparating in and them, if she’d wanted to.
nicking their most precious relic.” Granger yawned and the spell was broken.
“I assume that you have a plan,” said Draco. Her sleepiness wasn’t a surprise. It was edging towards Draco’s usual bedtime, which
Granger looked offended that he would even ask. “Obviously. I am choosing a meant that it was far past Granger’s.
simple approach with the fewest moving parts possible. Your input as an Auror She put her mittens back on and cast a warming charm around herself and Draco.
would be appreciated, incidentally.” The fire was low, but still burning.
“Tell me.” Peat fires, Draco realised, took a very long time to go out. Granger fell asleep on his
“The monastery is open for visitors -- it’s a popular walk up for Muggles in the shoulder.
area. We are going to be bumbling Muggle newlyweds.” Draco, who had himself been growing tired, suddenly found himself alert and ill at
“Must we be bumbling? I shall find it difficult to remain in character.” ease. This was an entirely new display of vulnerability that he wasn’t prepared to deal
“Yes, we must. Our walk up will coincide -- unfortunately, silly us, we are so with. Her breathing was slow and steady, her mittens curled into her lap.
bumbling -- with the Benedictine Sisters’ midsummer celebrations.” Draco’s Transfiguration skills were decent, but not good enough to Transfigure a tent
“Must we be newlyweds? We quite detest each other.” out of the remains of a cured meat packet. He settled for elongating Granger’s ottoman
“I know, but yes. If the nuns try to bar entry, because of the midsummer into a kind of lopsided chaise lounge. She slid into the new configuration without
celebrations -- they probably won’t, but just in case -- we’ll say this visit was the waking.
highlight of our honeymoon, and that the pilgrimage up was a wedding vow Then, because she seemed small and even more vulnerable lying supine under the
promise, and that all we want to do is pray to the Magdalene, and won’t they please open sky, he threw his cloak over her. He topped this off with another warming charm
consider making an exception? I will cry. You can cry, too. Hopefully they let the over the two of them, since the dying fire’s warmth was decidedly giving way to the
snivelling idiots in with minimal supervision.” night’s chill.
“And if they don’t?” asked Draco. He cast a few wards, in case his own fatigue took over and he, too, fell dead to the
“That will mean they are heartless wretches and I shan’t feel bad for Stunning world. It was most certainly excessive prudence, as the other celebrants had retreated into
them to get in.” their tents, but Draco hadn’t survived this long by being careless.
“See, that’s the problem with morals. I would’ve just skipped to Stunning.” He sat with his back against Granger’s chaise lounge and watched the last of the
“Yes, well, I have a slightly more developed sense of ethics than you do, so I flames turn to embers.
would like them to deserve it in some capacity. Only slightly, mind. I can’t claim to After another hour, the edge of the pit had turned to ash. It stirred in the silent breeze,
be too noble, since I’m setting out to damage a priceless artefact. Though, it's for a then settled, white upon white.
very good cause -- does that balance out? Anyway, by mid-morning, most of the
Sisters will be down in the village -- there’s a basilica there where the townspeople
congregate with them. There will only be a skeleton crew left at the monastery, and, Dawn broke fresh and bright, spilling gold over the Orkney Islands under the cries of
of course, whatever wards these witches have put up to protect the skull and their wheeling seabirds.
other relics.” Draco awoke with a crick in his neck and a nose gone numb from the cold.
“The priceless relics that they’ve been protecting for centuries. A few dusty
Caterwauling Charms, I’m sure. This’ll be a doddle.”

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 As for Granger, she looked perfectly comfortable, tucked up in his cloak. Draco “I’m beginning to think he is,” said Granger. Her withheld laughter made her
wondered when he had become such a virtuous fucking martyr, sacrificing his own eyes bright.
comfort for bloody Granger of all people? “So tell me.”
He stomped off on frozen feet to take a piss. “Promise you won’t report me to the authorities?”
When he returned, Granger was up and examining his Transfiguration handiwork. “I am the authorities, Granger.”
The chaise had held up through the night, which was a pleasant surprise to Draco, “All right.” Granger clasped her hands in front of her in a nervous knot. “I’m
anyway. going to steal part of a skull.”
Granger saw him coming and grew flustered. “You should’ve woken me! You didn’t “A skull.”
sign up to be my manservant on top of everything else. You made me a chaise? It’s lovely. “Yes.”
Thank you. I had a wonderful sleep, which is terribly odd, considering. Oh -- and your “Human?”
cloak. Here. Thank you for lending it to me. What’s it made of? It’s so warm. You’re “Yes.”
moving terribly. Is it your neck? Can I look at it?” Granger watched Draco anxiously for his reaction. He made her suffer by staring
Draco took his cloak, swatted Granger’s hands away from his neck, and expressed a at her expressionlessly for a full twenty-seconds.
curt wish for a hot coffee and a prompt departure. She was holding her breath.
Granger pulled her hands back into her chest. “I saw someone unfurling an entire “Diabolical, Granger.”
kitchenette, a few tents down. You might convince him to spare a cup. I’m going to Granger let out the breath.
collect my sample.”
“Is the person dead or alive?” asked Draco.
Draco went in search of this salvation, leaving Granger kneeling next to the fire pit, Granger looked scandalised. “Dead, of course.”
scooping ash into test tubes.
“I don't make assumptions. Whose skull?”
As it turned out, the kitchenette-unfurling wizard was willing to spare two cups and
“Mary Magdalene’s.”
slightly dodgy croissants in exchange for the Sickle that Draco wordlessly offered him.
Granger was holding her breath again.
The hot coffee was worth the ridiculous premium. After the first sip, Draco felt
“What?”
slightly less inclined to murder everyone.
“I told you it was of religious significance,” said Granger.
Granger annoyed him afresh by not being where he had left her. After a brief, wand-
“Isn’t she wildly important to the Muggles? The Christian ones? Where is her
grippy search, he found her a few fires over, speaking with a couple dismantling their
skull kept? Are we going to raid the Vatican?”
tent.
“Well, that’s the good news, I think. Her skull lies in a reliquary, in a crypt. And
She forestalled his lecture with news: the ferry back to Thurso would be here in
that crypt is in a quiet little monastery in the south of France.”
fifteen minutes. To Draco, this was merely good news, as he didn’t fancy another flight
in his sleep deprived state. To Granger, it was excellent news. She even asked to carry Old “So what’s the bad news?”
Glory to the dock, wanting to return the broomstick to the ferry master, and rid herself “Well -- speaking of nuns -- the monastery is run by the Benedictine Sisters of the
of it forever. Sacred Heart.”
They wandered through the weathered standing stones to the vestigial docks. “And?”
Granger was lively and bouncy and gave Draco an unasked-for history of Orkney’s “They’re witches.”
Neolithic peoples, using the broom to point at areas of interest on the monoliths. “Ah,” said Draco.

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was a mussed-up bun at her crown. She had removed her Healer robes and replaced Seeing that Draco did not match her enthusiasm, she gave him her own coffee to pep
them with Muggle clothes. him up further, and most of her croissant.
“You’re still not decent,” said Draco, observing her shorts and the low-cut top The sea breeze picked up as they neared the shore, a beautiful mix of salt and sand
(still long-sleeved, however). and new grass.
“Please. This is normal attire when it’s bloody scorching. Are all wizards secretly They boarded the ferry. Old Glory was reunited with her master. Draco said to keep
nuns, or is it just you?” the deposit. He and Granger had a dispute over whether or not she owed him any
Draco considered this an attack on his machismo, and seriously contemplated money, as she tried to pay him back. He shut her down by threatening to buy the broom
offering to show Granger how much of a nun he was not, except he couldn't think outright and kidnapping her for further flights if she didn’t leave off.
of how to phrase that in a manly, virile way. Then, as the ferry reached open waters, he kipped down on a bench for a well-
“Have you changed your mind about the favour?” asked Granger, backing out deserved nap.
of his way so he could come in. Granger quietly Transfigured the bench’s wood top into plush velour when she
Draco took his usual chair in front of her desk and assumed a magnanimous thought he’d fallen asleep.
pose. “I’ve decided to, at the very least, hear you out.”
“Thank you for lavishing me with your charity.”
Draco gestured at her to continue in a kingly sort of way. Also, he wasn’t having “Who knew the Knob would offer such an excellent breakfast?” exclaimed Granger,
any difficulty focusing on her face and her low neckline was not distracting him at piling scrambled eggs onto a piece of toast.
all. Draco choked on his coffee and asked her to warn him when she was going to say
“I’m only asking you this because I know you are morally corrupt and have no things like that.
ethical standards,” began Granger. “I would ask no other Auror what I am about to Granger looked prim and said it wasn’t her fault that he interpreted innocent remarks
ask you.” as boorishly as possible. But she did know a handy charm for trachaeic expulsions, so he
“Strong preface,” said Draco. “I am flattered. Continue.” could continue to giggle about penises as he pleased -- she would save him from choking.
“How do you feel about thievery?” Granger finished eating far before he did, which meant that she had ample time to
“In favour,” said Draco. watch him not quite move properly, because of his neck. She began a spontaneous
“You don’t even know what we’re stealing.” lecture on cervical muscle spasms, pondered the health of his spinal accessory nerve,
“What is it?” described in detail what she would do to his sterno-cleido-mastoid, if only he would let
“What if it were -- theoretically, of course -- a precious relic of critical religious her, and generally badgered him until he was no longer enjoying his eggs.
significance?” “Fine,” snarled Draco, shrugging off his cloak and pulling his robes aside to expose his
“...When are we going?” neck.
“Have you got any plans for the Solstice?” asked Granger. You would’ve thought he’d given her a great gift, permitting her to help him. She
“Thievery of a religious artefact with a surprisingly naughty Healer,” said Draco. shuffled closer to him along the bench, eyes alight. “Finally. Don’t move. This won’t take
“You?” a moment.”
A pleased look flitted across Granger’s face, then disappeared. “I have plans with The tip of her wand found the juncture where his neck met his shoulder. That was
a morally bankrupt Auror.” not a feeling that Draco liked; in fact, it was a real manifestation of his nascent trust in her
“He sounds like a catch.” that he allowed it at all. The next feeling was much better: a cooling, instant relief, as
Granger spoke a Healing spell.

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 “That's better, isn't it? I know it’s a Muggle remedy and you won’t do it, but I would potions of varying potencies, clustered into groups. Again, no written notes
recommend heat therapy if this still feels tender tomorrow. It’d help with blood flow.” anywhere, nor any real indication of what Granger was working on.
Draco rolled his shoulders. His neck felt wonderfully free. He was bending over a group of tiny phials, trying to determine if any of them
“You had a horrid night because of me, and I’m sorry,” said Granger. contained either the Green Well sample, or the Beltane Ash, or the mystery
“Let me eat.” substance she had harvested at Ostara, but he was interrupted by Granger poking
Granger insisted on paying for breakfast and they made their way to the Knob’s her head out of her office.
hearth to Floo to their respective homes. “You won’t find much of interest there,” said Granger when she saw him
Granger reached for the Floo powder pot at the precise moment that Draco did, snooping.
resulting in a skimming of hands and immediate retraction from both parties. Then they “I need to learn The Computer,” said Draco, a hand on his chin.
did the idiotic thing where they insisted that the other go first for a long and annoying “It would help.”
minute. “Teach me,” said Draco.
Draco, his patience thin, waved his wand at the pot and levitated it firmly into He’d rather expected Granger to leap at the occasion. However, she said, “No.”
Granger’s chest. “Go.” “No?”
“Ugh,” said Granger, hugging the pot to herself before it dropped. “I’d rather keep you useless, for strategic reasons.”
She pried the lid open and looked ready to fling the Floo powder into the fire and “Ungenerous of you.”
leave in a huff. However, she stopped and turned back to Draco instead. “I know,” said Granger. “By the way, I have a favour to ask of you.”
Her expression changed to something uncertain and awkward. “The answer is no,” said Draco.
“Malfoy, I -- I wouldn’t have been able to collect my sample without you. I would’ve had “Brilliant,” said Granger. “That’s sorted, then.”
to put off my project until the next Beltane festival, if it wasn’t for you being there. I She pulled her head back into her office and shut the door again. “What’s
would never have made that flight by myself.” sorted?” asked Draco to the closed door.
Draco had never been one to shy away from receiving the praise that was his due -- in “Nothing,” said Granger from within.
fact, he tended to bask in it -- but something about Granger’s guileless sincerity and “Tell me.”
gratitude made this frightfully awkward. “No.”
Plus, it was Granger. Her being nice gave him the heebie-jeebies. “Is it to do with the Solstice coming up? Litha?”
“Go home, Granger,” he said. “Go away -- you said you didn’t want to help.” “I’m opening this door,” said
Granger threw a fistful of powder into the flames. “Okay. I’m glad you came. I’m Draco.
goingtogonowthanksagainbye. The Mitre.” “Don’t. I’m not decent.”
She didn’t meet his eye and turned away into the flames. “Liar.”
A few minutes later, Draco was dusting soot from his cloak, in his own parlour. He “It’s true. I’m undressing,” came Granger’s voice. It was slightly muffled. Draco
was very much looking forward to a bath and bed. Henriette, who had materialised paused. “Bit convenient, isn’t it?”
upon his arrival, was sent off to run the bath, as hot as she could make it. “Just give me a sodding minute.”
As Draco made his way to his chambers, he wondered whether the bath would Draco gave her a sodding minute.
count as heat therapy -- not that he cared for Granger’s Muggleish treatments, but.
Granger pulled open the door again. She was accompanied by the cold draft of
Should he send her a note asking about it? cooling charms and a (surprisingly enticing) whiff of antiseptic and sweat. Her hair

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 She would probably answer with a twelve page explanation and suggestions for
further reading. His cloak still smelled like Granger and peat smoke.
He sent her the note.

13
Solstice

D
raco did not see Granger again until mid-June. She came into her
laboratory at Trinity just as he was recasting her wards.
She looked as sweaty as he was, and rather more harried.
“You’re limping,” observed Granger as she trotted past Draco, her Healer robes
streaming behind her.
“Perceptive.”
“Bludger?”
“Manticore.”
This gave her pause. She pivoted. “Have you had it looked at?”
“Obviously.”
“By whom?”
“Healer Parnell.”
“Oh, he’s wonderful. Excellent. Bye.” With that, Granger closeted herself in her
office.
Draco might’ve been offended at this cavalier treatment of his esteemed self,
except that he recognised the distant look in Granger’s eyes -- the far away, thinking
of something, probably solving world hunger look.
Under the pretext of double-checking the interior warding, Draco sauntered
into the laboratory proper. As always, it was irreproachably neat. It seemed to him
that there were more bottles of Sanitatem than before, and also a few other healing

172 | Solstice Ten | 145

 “Work,” said Granger.
“Oh? And in what capacity are you and Draco working together?”
“A dull Ministry affair, which I shan’t bore you with.” Granger rose, straightened
out her robes, and left for the group of guests near the fountain. “Excuse me -- I need a

11
word with Padma.”
Draco, who had been looking at Granger’s bum as she left, was irked to find that
Zabini was doing the same.
“Hmm,” said Zabini.
“What’s got you acting like a massive bellend?” asked Draco.
Draco Malfoy, “Nothing,” said Zabini. “I saw a pretty thing and I wanted to sit next to her. Just
like you did -- no?”
Oblivious Idiot “I wasn’t sitting next to her because she’s a pretty thing,” said Draco. He didn’t
want to explain the hows and whys of it, however. “It just -- happened.”
“So I wasn’t interrupting anything?”

T
he dissertation on heat therapy notwithstanding, Draco had little contact “Of course not. She’s Granger. How much drink have you had?”
with Granger through the merry month of May. He and his fellow Aurors “None whatsoever. But -- this is good. For a moment I thought you were getting
were kept occupied by new and exciting criminal behaviours throughout a touch possessive, old boy.”
the country (a wizard who had Imperiused the entirety of a Muggle village and lived Draco scoffed. “Possessive? It’s Granger.”
as their king; werewolves targeting infants; a theft at Gringotts; a few kidnappings “We’ve established that, yes,” said Zabini. “And she’s gone from a precocious
for variety). kidlet to a rather fiery kind of witch. Authoritative. Competent. That does things
Mid-May found Draco cleaning up a messy case -- a potioneer in Sheffield, for me. But if you prefer to live in the past -- by all means, continue. I will happily
posing as something called a “love psychic,” selling love potions to Muggles. Draco find my amusement in the present.”
was in the midst of confiscating a stash and Obliviating a Muggle when his wand Zabini rose to join Granger and Patil, leaving Draco to stew upon this.
hummed an alarm at him. That specific alarm signaled that someone was setting off One thing was certain: if Zabini thought that Granger was going to be a mere
Granger’s wards. And not her office or her laboratory: her home. amusement, he was in for a bit of a shock to the system. The Pure-blood witches
Draco finished up with the Muggle briskly and Disapparated to the nearest who partook in their usual dalliances were Granger’s diametrical opposite on a
Floo. That took him to the Mitre, followed by an Apparition to Granger’s cottage, hundred levels. An amusement? Zabini had no idea what he was getting into.
wand out and Disillusioned. Draco snatched a glass of champagne from a passing tray.
Between his wand’s alarm and his arrival, Draco estimated that three minutes And the suggestion that he’d been acting possessive? Ludicrous. At worst, Draco
had passed. But it was three minutes too late; whoever had been poking about had told himself as he observed Granger over his glass, he was watchful over her. And
left. Draco’s revelation spells indicated no human presence nearby save for Granger’s that was only because he was, you know, on assignment to protect her. Which
Muggle next door neighbour, who was napping. Zabini also didn’t know.
Draco cast a delicate magic detection spell. His warding around the property Draco concluded that Zabini didn’t know anything at all and that he was an
glowed brightly under it, but he ignored that in favour of examining the ground idiot.
around Granger’s cottage. He held his wand aloft until he found what he sought: a

146 | Draco Malfoy, Oblivious Idiot Twelve | 171

 However, before Draco had the luxury of launching his next missile, a faintly visible trace in the air, left by a being who had used magic here moments
wandering group of partygoers joined them in the courtyard and ruined the earlier.
atmosphere with exclamations about the prettiness of the fountain. The faintly glowing trail ended suddenly in the middle of the field behind
Draco noticed that Granger had edged away from him on the bench. This Granger’s cottage: a Disapparition or Portkey, perhaps.
amused him -- what did she think, that people would see them on a bench together Draco did not like this. It might only have been a curious wizard, or even a thief
and leap to some kind of conclusion? He was Draco Malfoy and she was Hermione -- that was the best case scenario. It might also be a first indicator that someone had
Granger. That was utterly risible. (Her distancing nevertheless made him feel sulky. their eyes on Granger and that Shacklebolt’s paranoia wasn’t for naught.
He, too, shifted away from her on the bench.) This made just enough room for a Draco sent a quick note to Granger:
freshly arrived git to invite himself to sit between them.
“Zabini,” said Draco. Someone set off your wards.
“I didn’t realise you were invited.” We need to talk.
“Draco,” said Zabini.
“Grang -- er -- Healer Granger? Professor Granger?” When Granger didn’t respond immediately, he checked her schedule. She was
“Hermione is fine,” said Granger, now shielded entirely from Draco’s view by currently lecturing in Muggle Cambridge.
Zabini. “I disagree,” said Draco, “Do not get on a first name basis with Zabini.” Draco decided to join her there -- he was essentially next door, anyway.
“Too late,” said Zabini. “I have the lady’s permission.”
“Use it wisely,” said Granger.
“Hermione,” said Zabini, pronouncing the word slowly, and annoying the shite I’m coming to you.
out of Draco. “Shakespearean, isn’t it?”
“It is,” said Granger. She sounded surprised.
Draco was all the more irritated for it. And how the bloody hell did Zabini Still Disillusioned, he Apparated to Trinity College.
know that? The absolute twat.
Zabini then gave Draco his back and proceeded to make affable small-talk with
Granger. He enquired about her job(s), about her research, and about why she was Granger’s lecture had been on the cusp of ending. Draco only had to wait for ten
wasting her time with a great prat like Draco? She should come and sit with him minutes outside the door of the small classroom. A half-dozen students filed out as he, all
under the cherry trees. Narcissa had taken out the champagne. but invisible to Muggle eyes, slipped through them into the room.
“I’m right here,” said Draco. The chalkboard indicated that the day’s topic had been ‘Conjugated monoclonal
“Oh,” said Zabini. “I’d forgotten.” antibodies.’ Draco was pleased that these antibodies knew their verb tenses, if nothing
“Malfoy isn’t a great prat,” said Granger. else.
Zabini grinned. “What size prat is he, then?” Granger, unaware of his presence, was packing papers (sans wand) into a briefcase.
“Smallish, and only when he’s vexed.” She wore a pinstripe blouse tucked into high-waisted trousers -- pieces that Draco
“You don’t know him, clearly,” tutted Zabini. wouldn’t have immediately thought of as complementary, and yet, on Granger, the
“I’ve developed a familiarity,” said Granger. ensemble was rather flattering.
Zabini looked at Draco in wonder. “A familiarity, you say?” Granger lecture inspo.

170 | The Tea Party Eleven | 147

 As the last student filed out, Granger pulled her Jotter out of her pocket. It gave Granger opened her mouth. Offence and amusement warred briefly across her
Draco a strange pleasure to watch her flip the Jotter open and grow visibly interested features, then she burst into laughter.
when she saw that it was a message from him. As the bright sound of it echoed across the courtyard, Draco decided that
She read the note and drew her eyebrows into a frown. She began to compose a making Granger laugh might also be a hobby worthy of pursuit.
response. Draco supposed that he ought to reveal himself, as the responding buzz from Granger’s merriment abated. She took some deep breaths and wiped a tear
his own Jotter would soon give him away. delicately from under her eye. “Wonderful. Cold sweats and now tears. Are there
He came to stand in front of her and dismissed his Disillusionment. any other emotions you’d like to wring out of me in your war against my makeup?”
Granger gave a kind of gasping shriek, jumped back, and tripped over her chair. “What emotion haven’t you gone through today?”
Draco caught her by the wrist, preventing an outright tumble. Granger landed “Let’s see. I’ve been stressed, angry, frightened, forgiving (of your flaws), joyful,
awkwardly in the chair. er...”
Draco leaned against the desk and said, conversationally: “You know, I wish you’d go “Love, then,” suggested Draco.
for your wand and shriek out a curse rather than a scream. You saw my message?” “I have felt that.”
Granger was not ready to talk about the message. His ring told him that her heart was “Have you?”
racing. “You've just frightened me out of my wits! How long have you been here? Warn “Yes. There is something between me and this chocolate. I should like to be left
me, next time!” alone with it, if you don’t mind.”
“I did warn you that I was coming,” said Draco. “Sorry, you entered into a ménage à trois by default when you accepted
Which was true, but Granger nevertheless looked irascible. “I read that message a chocolate in my home,” said Draco, breaking off a piece for himself.
millisecond before you materialised before me like the Bloody Bollocksing Baron!” “This chocolate isn’t monogamous?”
“It’s not my fault you were too busy conjugating antibodies.” “No.”
Granger’s expression shifted from cross to confused. “I -- what?” “Fine,” sighed Granger. “I suppose there's enough to share.”
Draco jutted his chin towards the chalkboard. She pulled out her wand and melted some of the chocolate. Then she broke off
Granger observed the chalkboard, processed his comment, raised her forefinger, and a piece of the remaining chocolate gateau, and dipped it into the melted chocolate.
began to say, “That’s not what that means--” “Pure decadence, Granger, but I like your style.”
Draco cut her off because he, frankly, wasn’t interested. “I’m here to talk about who is They finished the gateau.
nosing around your cottage. And why.” “I am truly feeling better,” said Granger, afterwards. “Hadn’t we better rejoin
His interruption earned him a scathing glare. However, Granger took a deep breath the others?” “I suppose,” said Draco.
and seemed to quell whatever intemperate urges he had roused. Really, though, he didn’t want to. He’d rather sit here and watch the sunset tinge
She folded her hands on the desk in a facsimile of serenity. “Sit. And tell me what the sky soft pink, and listen to the fountain, and enjoy the feel-good buzz that only
happened.” wizarding chocolate could give. Perhaps spring an argument or two onto Granger,
Draco sent a Colloportus towards the classroom’s door. Then he levitated a chair just for sport.
towards them and sat in it across from Granger. Something about this shifted the What topic would provoke her the most? Divination? Oxford outranking
dynamic between them. He was on the student side of the desk, feeling rather like he was Cambridge? Her cat? Quizzing her on her project? Suggesting a group broom ride
about to be examined. over the estate? Insulting Potter? House-elves?
Granger had a great deal of buttons.

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 As Granger smiled, Draco felt the détente. They had passed back onto familiar She crossed her arms and waited, her eyes fixed on his face. The weight of the entire
ground. “Wow,” said Draco. attention of the great Granger brain pressed upon Draco, ready to acquire his
“You’ve grown into your chin, too,” said Granger. information and make meaning of it.
“Thanks.” “One of my wards triggered an alarm round the back of your cottage,” said Draco.
“And your feet -- more or less.” “Someone was either testing the warding or attempting a disarming. I got there within
“Continue. This cataloguing is thrilling.” minutes, but they’d already left. Nothing from Hominem Revelio except your
“What next?” neighbour, but I found a magical trace of them--”
“You haven’t insulted my hands yet,” said Draco. “How?” interjected Granger.
“Show me.” She took his hand in her small one and passed it over with a critical “A magical detection spell,” said Draco. “One of mine.”
eye. “Overlarge. Perhaps you have another growth spurt in you.” Granger looked intrigued but appeared to bracket her questions for later discussion.
“Maybe.” Draco continued. “Based on the size, it was most certainly an adult witch or wizard. I
“Better not, though,” said Granger, releasing his hand. “You’re already tall. You followed the trail to the field behind your house. The individual Disapparated or
don’t want to be gawky.” Portkeyed out; the trace ended too suddenly for broom travel.”
Draco permitted himself a smirk, because he could hear the lie in her voice. Granger clambered to her feet, her wand in her hand. “Is the trace still there? I want
“Anything else you’d like to critique about my proportions?” to see--”
“I think I’ve inventoried the worst offenders.” “No. They dissipate quickly. I only saw it because I’d arrived moments afterwards --
“Tch. I’m the golden ratio personified.” and knew the spell.”
Granger gave him a severe once-over. “Fibonacci must’ve been absolutely Granger sat back down with a moue. “And they definitely interacted with the wards?
marinated in Chianti.” It wasn’t just the postie?”
An unexpected laugh burst out of Draco. Then he collected himself. “Has it “Obviously it wasn’t just the postie. I’m alerted to magical interactions, otherwise I’d
occurred to you that your baseline metric is off?” be fielding alarms whenever a robin lands on your wisteria.”
“How do you mean?” “Might the neighbour have seen something?”
“You being generally minuscule,” said Draco, gesturing at Granger. “That basis “She was asleep and on the wrong side of your cottage. And if this intruder was
of comparison makes the rest of us look enormous.” worth anything, they were at the very least Disillusioned for a jaunt into Muggle
Granger looked provoked. “I’m not minuscule.” She sat up very straight on the Cambridgeshire.”
bench. “I’m average, thank you. Or a hair below.” Granger’s fingers tapped the desk. “You said that Apparitions could be traced.
“Several hairs, I think. You might have some Pixie heritage. It would explain the Mightn’t we track this one?”
shrillness.” Draco was growing fatigued of being interrogated like a wayward undergraduate, but
“I’m not shrill,” said Granger, growing shrill. he supposed he should’ve expected it from Granger. “The rumour -- which you did not
Draco held up his forefinger and thumb and looked at Granger through the hear from me -- is that the Ministry tracks Apparitions on certain Individuals of Interest.
gap. “Twenty centimetres high -- that’s about right. Itsy-bitsy.” I’m going to have a look, but unless this person has been particularly naughty or
interesting, there’ll be nothing on the books.”
“Itsy-bitsy?!”
“I wish I’d thought to install cameras at home,” said Granger, looking irritated with
“Microscopic, really. You’re the nanoparticle; you should talk to that Danish
herself. “I've got some at the lab. I’m rectifying that immediately. Did you see anything
bloke and ask about your clinical applications.”
else? Footprints? A bit of fabric?”

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 Draco twitched a sardonic eyebrow at her. “No. This isn’t a Muggle film where reaction to standing where that cursed drawing room had been helped Draco
suspects leave convenient clues. Now, if you’re quite finished quizzing me, Professor, I understand that this had been something greater and far more difficult.
have some questions of my own. Or should I wait until your office hours?” To his mind, the house wasn’t even the same house, and the drawing room
Granger stiffened visibly at his use of her title. “Eurgh. Don’t do that.” “Don’t do didn’t even exist anymore, but to Granger, this had been a visit to a scene of
what, Professor?” suffering. Her screams had echoed throughout these very grounds over many hours
“That is profoundly unsettling,” said Granger. under Bellatrix’s wand. During his more restless nights, he remembered them.
“I kind of like it,” smirked Draco. It hadn't been bravado -- it had been real bravery, to come here.
The Professor gave him a black look. “I shouldn’t have made you come,” said Draco, without looking at Granger,
“You look cross. Are you going to give me detention?” asked Draco, his smirk because admitting wrongdoing did not come easily to him. “Do you want to go
growing. home? I’ll take you back to the Floo parlour. We can say you were needed by one of
“This is uni -- we don’t do detentions. Can we move on to your questions?” your patients.”
Draco took special note of Granger’s discomfort for next time he wished to push her Granger glanced at him in a kind of muted surprise. Then she looked down at
buttons. Perhaps he’d send his next Jot in the form of an assignment for her to mark. her hands, which had stopped shaking. “I think I’m all right now.”
But for now, business. “Best case scenario, this was a one-off visit by a wizarding The colour had returned to her face and her breathing was back to normal.
burglar who wanted to make a quick Galleon and was frightened off by your warding. However, she hadn’t returned to the level of unusual calmness that had marked her
But we are going to proceed as though it was a first contact by a possibly hostile party. arrival here; the Draught had truly worn off.
Have you given anyone a hint, recently, that you’ve made a Discovery?” Granger was looking at the greenhouse that stood in the place where she had
“No,” said Granger, squaring her shoulders and looking defensive. “Ever since been tortured. “I think it’s good to come back. Possibly. It’s closure, isn’t it? It marks
Shacklebolt’s disproportionate reaction, I’ve said nothing. The project is entirely self- the end of a terrible chapter.”
funded and has therefore always been under the radar -- hang on, you don’t know what The water danced. As the sun set, the garden’s magical illumination began to
a radar is -- always been low profile. I’ve not mentioned a thing to friends or colleagues. I take over. The fountain was bathed in light; the Hippocampuses looked as though
have several research projects on the go -- more than enough to explain away my time.” they breathed. The greenhouse glowed golden.
“So why now? Why today?” “Good things grow there, now,” said Granger. “Even your home is... it’s
“I don’t know,” said Granger. “Isn’t it your job to work that out?” different. And I don’t just mean the building. It’s touched by Light.”
“That’s what I’m in the process of doing, Professor.” For this remark, Draco was Draco said nothing. They had strayed into a strange new territory beyond
rewarded with a glower. “The incident occured all of twenty minutes ago, so if you’d give quarrels and banter, and he did not have solid footing.
me a moment, rather than interrupting--” “Sometimes I think fifteen years is so terribly far away," continued Granger.
Granger flared. “You’re one to talk about interrupting.” “Half our lives, really. An age. And then I have moments like -- like what I just had,
“Who is Larsen?” where it feels like it was yesterday. And everything is raw and hurts.”
“...Gunnar? How did you--” “I know,” said Draco. He knew exactly.
Draco waved Granger’s schedule at her. “I’ve developed an unfortunate level of There was a long silence. The water danced and sang.
familiarity with your schedule and he’s the only new element in the last fortnight.” At length, Granger spoke again. “At least you’ve changed enough that I no
“I met him when -- last Thursday? He’s the head of a Danish pharmaceutical longer see the bullying idiot from my school days.”
company. They’re developing a new drug delivery system. Nanoparticles. The potential “Have I?”
clinical applications are extremely interesting for my field.” “Yes.” Granger smiled a tiny smile. “You’re just an idiot, now.”

150 | Draco Malfoy, Oblivious Idiot Twelve | 167

 “Mm, endorphins,” said Granger. The attempt at levity was belied by her “So he’s a Muggle?”
bloodless face. “Yes.”
“If my mother asks what happened, we’ll say we took a detour because you Draco’s fingertips rapped impatiently on Granger’s desk. That wasn’t helpful. “And
wanted to see the fountain.” you’ve been a paragon of discretion, otherwise.”
“What fountain?” asked Granger. “Yes. The Auror protecting me doesn’t even know anything.”
“That fountain,” said Draco. “Oh, I am aware of that, as well as his frustrations on that front.” Draco’s fingers
Granger took stock of her surroundings for the first time and found herself rapped the desk harder. “It makes it that much more difficult to know what the hell I’m
looking at the fountain. to protect you from.”
“Hippocampuses!” gasped Granger. “Er -- Hippocampodes!” “From nothing. No one knows.”
Draco waved his wand at the fountain, activating the gurgle of sprays that truly “And yet, someone was at your cottage today.”
made it come to life. “Now that I’ve seen them in person, this seems but a pale “Yes. But you said yourself it might very well have been a housebreaker on the
imitation.” prowl.” Even as she repeated this supposition, Granger looked sceptical.
“Don’t be silly. It's beautiful. Who is it by?” “But why your cottage, specifically?”
“Fremiet,” said Draco. “I don’t know.”
“Of course.” “I don’t believe in coincidence, not when you’re involved.”
Draco regarded the statue critically. “The scale is right, the proportions are “Neither do I.” Granger looked as troubled as Draco felt about the entire affair. She
perfect, the movement is gorgeous -- but it’s hard to capture the majesty.” was bouncing one of her feet under the desk, as she was wont to do when she was irked.
“What we really need is a frigid North Sea wind to freeze our bits off, to Again, Draco was reminded of the annoyed swish of a cat’s tail.
complete the experience,” said Granger. “If someone leaked something, and there are people sniffing about, this situation is
“I shall have the groundskeeper add sprays of hail.” no longer the same as it was in January when we were taking precautionary measures.
“Do you have a manky old broom to fly about on together?” We'll call this a one-off, but another incident like this, Granger, and I’m going to have to
“Probably,” said Draco. “Shall I fetch it?” know what you’re up to. You can bind me with a Vow of Secrecy if you must.”
“No.” “I understand. And I hope there isn’t another such incident. I’d rather no one know
“But imagine what my mother would say?” anything until I’m ready to go public. You’ll probably force me into hiding or something
“Exactly.” equally inordinate.”
Draco leaned back onto his palms with a smirk. “Now I fancy mulled wine.” Draco regarded her seriously. “If you think I’d force you into hiding, then this thing
They watched the play of the water over the rearing Hippocampuses in silence must be Big.”
broken only by the gurgling of the jets. Granger ate another piece of chocolate. “It’s Big. But it’s also Good. But it will upset some people.”
Draco had one of the cakes. The urge to use Legilimency was strong. The Big and Good thing was at the
Light chit-chat about the fountain aside, Draco was wrestling with some forefront of Granger’s mind at the moment. She wasn’t Occluding, because at some
uncomfortable feelings. point in the past few months, she had begun to trust him.
He had convinced Granger to come to please his mother, but it hadn’t been In fact, right now, Granger was in an utterly unguarded state, her gaze openly
merely an afternoon outing at the home of a former enemy for her. Seeing her meeting his. She awaited his retort or further questioning. He could be in her mind and
see the thing before she could Occlude, and then he’d know. She’d be furious, and never
trust him again, but he’d know.

166 | The Tea Party Eleven | 151

 Draco, gripping his wand in his pocket, found that he couldn’t do it. He told himself Realisation dawned on her. “Malfoy, is this -- is this where the drawing room
that it was because he didn’t want to endure the righteously angry shrieking that would used to be?”
be sure to follow. And that it had nothing whatsoever to do with the weight of that new “It is.”
trust, with the preciousness of it. A kind of shudder coursed through Granger. Then came defiance: a
Granger ran her hands up and down her arms as though she were cold. “I find this straightening of the back, a setting of the jaw. Then an odd reflexive clutching at one
entire thing disquieting. I don’t like it. I really hope it was a stupid burglar.” of her sleeves.
“If it wasn’t a stupid burglar, well -- the baddies now know that you’re well Now her face looked drawn and her breath was coming shallow. Had the
protected.” Calming Draught worn off at such a truly unfortunate moment?
“Is that good or bad?” “Let’s get out of here,” said Draco. He didn’t give her the option to argue,
Draco shrugged. “Both. It’ll tell them that you -- or the Ministry -- are aware of the threading his arm through hers and steering her out of the greenhouse. To any
risks and have taken precautions. That you’re being guarded. That might scare them off. onlookers, he was being a gentleman escorting a lady past mud puddles, but his grip
Or it might drive them to nastier manoeuvres.” was iron.
“I was rather thinking the latter,” said Granger, concern drawing her brows together. He told himself that this solicitousness was because it would devastate his
“However, I’ve got the ring and I’ve got you. That’s something.” mother if Granger fainted away and caused a scene during one of her teas. It wasn’t
The unasked-for earnestness there made Draco want to flee the room. Why did she because he cared particularly about the witch holding his arm, who somehow
have to inflict such sincerity upon him? He wanted to squirm. vacillated between powerful and utterly fragile at the drop of a hat.
“And I’m not exactly a defenceless imbecile,” continued Granger. “Shrieking and “Malfoy, I’m fine,” said Granger through clenched teeth. She tried to pull her
falling over chairs because of you notwithstanding. And I’ve got the best warding arm away.
available for private residences. Well -- most private residences. I suppose Manors and “Liar,” said Draco, not relinquishing his grip.
chateaux in the Loire valley are a rather different breed.” “All right. I’ll be fine in a moment. I didn’t expect to be so…”
“There are advantages to ancient abodes,” said Draco. He wasn’t trying to sound “If you say weak, I shall be cross,” said Draco.
smug; it was true. “Overcome, then.” Granger dabbed at her forehead. “Eurgh, cold sweats.”
Granger’s enumeration of her protective measures seemed to have calmed her, at least “Should I fetch something? Draught of Peace?” asked Draco. However, just as
-- until she recollected something and asked, “Did you see my cat?” Granger opened her mouth, he remembered: “No, contraindicated within 24
“No,” said Draco. “But I wasn’t looking. I’m sure the bugger’s fine.” hours of a Calming Draught. I almost forgot. Sit.”
“I won’t tell him you called him that,” said Granger. “He’s only just stopped hissing Granger sat on the stone bench that Draco had steered her towards.
when I talk to him about you.” And there, finally, were the trembling hands. She tried to hide them amongst the
“...You talk to your cat about me?” asked Draco, unsure whether this was deranged folds of her robes.
behaviour, or normal for Granger. “I’m fine, really,” said Granger.
“He likes to be kept informed. Helps him decide how much fur to make you eat.” “Your bravado is irritating to the highest degree,” said Draco.
“Tell him I think he’s a fine animal.” He called a house-elf to fetch chocolate, which was immediately presented on a
“I will.” silver platter, in the form of one enormous slab, and two chocolate gâteaux.
“The most impressive specimen of a half-Kneazle I’ve ever seen.” Granger broke a piece of the slab off and let it melt in her mouth.
Granger’s mouth quirked into a smile for the first time during this conversation. She “Better?” asked Draco.
rose and resumed piling student papers into her briefcase. “I'd better crack on.”

152 | Draco Malfoy, Oblivious Idiot Twelve | 165

Ministry and spoke with authority on a great many subjects. She was effusive in her Draco, too, stood, and floated his chair back to its place. “What’s a love psychic?”
praise of the food, the rooms, the hosts. Altogether the ideal guest. Watching Granger process non sequiturs was developing into a new and amusing
When everyone was properly stuffed with smoked salmon and cakes and jam, sub-hobby, under the umbrella of Bothering Granger.
there was an exodus down the terrace steps and into the gardens. The guests, She stared at him as though she couldn’t possibly have heard him correctly. “Did you
numbering about forty at Draco’s count, wandered through the hedges and spring just say love psychic?”
flower beds as the sun began to set. “Yes.”
Those with a special interest in botany followed Narcissa into the greenhouses, “Where on earth did you hear about those?”
where she led a tour of her rarer and more delicate specimens. Granger, of course, “A naughty potioneer’s been posing as one. What are they?”
joined that group. Draco trailed behind, thinking vaguely that this gathering “They claim to be able to help lonely people find love through the usual flimflam --
counted as a public event, and that he should therefore be on hand, should a guest mind reading, tarot cards, tea leaves. They’re fraudsters cheating the vulnerable out of
lose their head and attack Granger in the presence of one of the Ministry’s most money.”
notorious Aurors. “Well, this one was getting results. Magically assisted, mind you.”
Granger took a special interest in the origin of Narcissa’s hummingbird hyacinth, “No. Love potions?”
which his mother informed her had been imported from a wizard in Provence, “Yes.”
many years ago. “For Muggles?”
Narcissa moved to the next row, along with the rest of the group. Granger stood “Yes.”
and studied the hyacinth, whose clusters of flowers opened and closed their petals in
“That’s awful,” said Granger. “You’ll want to keep an eye on the poor things. Potions
shivering flitters, like their namesake hummingbirds.
have vastly different potencies on non-magical populations.”
“Are you admiring, or are you plotting something?” asked Draco, popping out
"I know. The victims are being checked in on by medis for the next fortnight.”
from behind a giant fern.
“Good. What potions were they?”
Granger jumped. Then she looked annoyed. “Never you mind.”
“I’ve no idea,” said Draco, jangling the satchel into which he’d hurriedly stuffed the
“The latter, then.”
confiscated stash. “Haven’t taken inventory yet.”
“I’m just thinking,” said Granger. “Ooh, you have them?”
Draco came to stand beside her. “If you need the flower for something, I’m sure
Draco flipped open the satchel.
my mother wouldn’t mind. She’d probably be overjoyed to contribute to whatever
Granger peered in. “Contraband! What a thrill!”
your endeavour is.”
Draco pulled out a few of the dark, unlabelled vials. “I reckon the bigger ones are
“No.” Granger’s voice was vague and her eyes were unfocused. “No, she’s already
Cupid’s Brew. The smaller -- Amortentia?” He popped the cork on one of the vials and
helped.”
held it out to Granger. “Does that look mother-of-pearl to you?”
“How?”
“Hard to say,” said Granger, peering into the dark vial. She passed it under her nose.
“Nothing; it doesn’t matter,” said Granger, snapping back to the present. Which
“It doesn’t smell like Amortentia. It smells like expensive cologne.”
was a lie, but Draco decided not to press.
“What? Give it here,” said Draco, and he smelled it too. It didn’t smell remotely like
She cast about to see where the group had got to. However, something gave her
cologne to him; it smelled sweet, with notes of coffee and toffee, and afterwards,
pause. Draco followed her line of sight to the Manor’s roofline, through the
something smoky.
greenhouse glass.

164 | The Tea Party Eleven | 153

 “Well?” asked Granger, a hand on her cocked hip. “Are you sure you didn’t raid a “I’m delighted that they meet your approval,” came Narcissa’s voice. “Welcome,
perfumery?” Healer Granger. So pleased that you could come.”
“Smells like coffee to me,” said Draco. “It’s Amortentia.” Draco noted his mother’s use of Granger’s title and wondered how much she
Granger sniffed at the vial again. “But Amortentia smells like grass cuttings to me... would scold him if she heard him refer to Granger as, well, Granger.
this is a man’s eau de toilette. Let’s see the sheen.” Narcissa, superb hostess that she was, eased Granger into the room through a
She Transfigured one of the papers on the desk into a flat dish, upon which she tour of the most extravagant flower arrangements. There was a stiffness between
poured out a measure of the potion. The liquid emerged from the dark vial with a the two of them, moderated by each witch’s best attempt at neutral civility.
shimmery mother-of-pearl gloss. A faint spiral of steam hissed out of it as it made contact Narcissa swept Granger off towards an older Ministry crowd. Draco watched as
with the air, confirming evidence that it was, indeed, Amortentia. Granger was introduced with a great deal of attention to her many
Granger stared at it for a longish moment, her arms crossed. “Well,” she said finally, accomplishments. In these circles, Granger hardly needed introduction, but her
“It’s Amortentia.” presence at Malfoy Manor was -- as Narcissa had hoped -- noted in quiet whispers.
“When’s the last time you smelled Amortentia?” asked Draco. Confident now that Granger wasn’t about to faint in terror or flee the premises,
“Er -- the one time in Slughorn’s class.” Draco carried on with his mingling. The rebuilding of the Malfoy name and cachet
Draco’s own memory of his experience of the potion was vague: he recollected the had taken a decade and a half of work by himself and his mother. They were seeing
smell of citrus, perhaps. This new version was rather nice. Another breath of it wafted the fruits of it now: the room was full of people with power, all of whom were glad
towards him: this time it smelled like the vast sky, sea salt, and a faint trace of something to be seen at a Malfoy function, and thoroughly enjoying Narcissa’s hospitality.
clean-smelling. Draco took note of who was in need of money, and who was in need of influence.
“Amortentia is meant to smell like things you find appealing or attractive,” muttered Tea was served. Granger had drifted into the Hogwarts crowd and was chatting
Granger. “So why...?” with Patil and Boot. Draco was pleased to note that she stirred her tea correctly,
“Why what?” back and forth, without clinking the spoon against the china. He was certain that
“What happened to my grass cuttings and new parchment?” asked Granger. She his mother would also have noticed.
looked accusatory, as though Draco were personally responsible for the change. Yes -- Narcissa had just glanced over to Granger and her eyes had flitted to the
“Your taste in men has evolved,” shrugged Draco. “You can do better than the stirring. Her gaze then slid to those that Granger was speaking with, observing the
gardener’s assistant, surely...” nature of her interactions.
Granger looked irritated. “Don’t be patronising. Did yours change?” A few days prior, Narcissa had confessed to Draco her surprise that 'the Granger
Draco observed Granger for a moment, judging whether or not she was worthy of girl' had accepted the invitation to tea. She had paced Draco’s study and enumerated
this rather private information. “Perhaps.” the benefits at length: a Muggle- born, an intimate friend of Potter’s, a Healer with
“What was it, before?” an excellent reputation -- and, of course, a witch who had been on the Other Side of
the war, who now condescended to join them at the Manor. She should’ve thought
“I don’t remember. Lemon sweeties, or something.”
of this before, really -- but Miss Granger had always been so cold and unsociable.
“And now it’s coffee?”
What a stroke of luck that Draco had danced with her.
“Yes,” said Draco. “And toffee.”
Narcissa regarded Granger’s attendance as something of a coup. Now she was
“Do you ever stop thinking of food?”
watching it unfold with evident pleasure. Granger was being cordial, rather than
“No.”
standoffish as she might’ve been, and was behaving in a perfectly ladylike and
“Romance is dead.” witchlike manner. She laughed at the feeble jokes of important figures in the

154 | Draco Malfoy, Oblivious Idiot Twelve | 163

 “We had archaeologists come. They think it was a monastic settlement. Sixth “Preaching to the converted, Granger.” Draco Vanished the sampling of Amortentia
century.” that Granger had poured out. Then he packed the vials back into his satchel. “I’m going
“Celtic?” to go find a café, and incidentally my soul-mate.”
“Yes. They wrote a report -- er -- it’s somewhere—” “The café downstairs has a toffee-coffee panna cotta. Perhaps your soul-mate is a
Granger seemed just about ready to drop to her knees and press her face to the custard.”
glass floor, under which the magically illuminated ruins shimmered. “You must “Show me.”
send me a copy. How fascinating.” Draco promised to do so. He was just going to They left the classroom together and walked down the few storeys to the ground
congratulate himself on his skillful management of floor. Granger waved her wand at Draco’s chest to hide his Auror insignia from view; his
Granger’s mood, when the next difficulty presented itself in the form of black robes did not otherwise elicit second glances in Muggle Cambridge.
Henriette. She led him to the small café. There was a single panna cotta remaining in the
“Egg and cress sandwich?” piped up a voice somewhere at their waists. “Scone window.
with clotted cream?” “It’s a sign,” said Granger.
Granger observed the house-elf. Henriette was impeccably dressed in an She bought it for him (he hadn’t any Muggle money), and a cappuccino for herself.
embroidered pillow-case, smiling and attentive. When Granger didn’t immediately “Thank you for letting me share this special day with the two of you,” said Granger,
answer, Henriette proffered another tray. “Or perhaps caramel teacakes for placing the dessert in Draco’s hands with great solemnity. “Here’s to a lifetime of
Mademoiselle?” happiness and love.”
Granger’s internal struggle was evident, but she mastered it. “Yes, I’ll have a Then she handed him a small plastic spoon. “My wedding gift for the happy couple.”
teacake. Un grand merci.” Bit sarcastic, sometimes, was Granger.
“Cela me fait plaisir, Mademoiselle,” said Henriette with a curtsey, before They walked out of the building and into warm May sunshine. Draco, eating his
disappearing. Granger caught Draco watching her as the house-elf vanished. soul-mate with his spoon, saw his revenge in the form of a strapping young lad cutting
“What?” she asked. the lawn.
“I await your Manifesto,” said Draco. “Look, Granger -- your gardener is trimming the quad. Do you want me to talk to
Granger sniffed. “I’ve come to terms with the fact that there are some parts of him for you?”
wizarding society I shall never understand.” “They’re courts, not quads. And don’t—”
“But you accept them?” “Oi,” said Draco to the strapping lad. “Do you have a mobile?”
“No,” said Granger. “I tolerate them.” “Er -- yes?” said the gardener.
“Hm.” Draco grasped Granger by the shoulders and stood behind her. “She’s a bit shy, but
“Don’t worry, I shan’t begin a house-elf revolution within your halls.” this Professor here would like your numbers?”
“Too bad,” said Draco. “Henriette is French, you know. A Radical by nature.” “My what?”
Finally, they made it to the salon. Draco heard a small intake of breath beside “You know,” said Draco, mimicking Granger using her Muggle device.
him. Granger had gasped. He himself was desensitised to his mother’s decorations, “Oh!” said the gardener. “My number.”
but he supposed that the scene was rather pretty -- the sunlight, the terrace, the Granger knocked Draco’s hands down. “Ignore him,” she said to the gardener. “He’s
parasols... an imbecile.”
“The flowers,” said Granger. The gardener looked confused, yet -- to Draco’s enormous amusement -- hopeful.
He eyed Granger up and down. “Do you want my number, though?”

162 | The Tea Party Eleven | 155

 “No. I’m sorry for disturbing you. Please, carry on.” she walked into the Manor proper. Draco, glancing behind him, noticed that she
The gardener’s face fell. “All right. You know where to find me if you change your was keeping her head down and not looking about at all. Which was a pity, because
mind, Professor...?” substantial changes had been made since her last, unfortunate, visit.
“Granger,” said Draco, helpfully. “We wanted to be rid of every reminder of the... darker moments in our lives. Of
“That won’t be necessary. As I said, this man is an imbecile.” Voldemort’s stay here.” Draco’s comment drew Granger’s attention beyond her
Granger, with a grasp on Draco’s elbow that was more of a pinch than anything else, own feet. “It’s changed a bit.”
walked them away from the gardener, who looked on in disappointment. With an effort, Granger forced her gaze up and about. “Oh -- it’s much... much
Draco, feeling about twelve years old, was snickering to himself. “Poor man looked brighter than I remember.”
frightfully sad, you know.” Encouraged by this success, Draco decided to prattle on about the changes --
Granger was, apparently, too peeved at him to answer. whatever kept Granger’s chin up. It wouldn't do for her to walk into the salon
“Gutted, Granger.” looking terrified.
“Oh, hush.” “We put in some new windows. Well -- that skylight was a huge bloody hole
“Where are we going?” from some explosion. But we rather liked the sun being let into the foyer, so we had
“To a place where I can Disapparate and get away from you.” it glassed up instead of roofed.”
There was a shadowy alcove behind some shrubbery that seemed to suit. Granger They stopped at another large, oddly-shaped window that gave onto the East.
pulled out her wand and, with a last irritated glance at Draco, Disapparated home. “This was a group- cast Bombarda by a bunch of Aurors. Didn’t seem worth
Draco, still chortling, dug his spoon into his toffee-coffee thing. bricking back up again, not when it let the sunrise in so nicely.”
That was when he discovered that Granger had Transfigured it into Flobberworm Granger tilted her head, studying the decidedly non-traditional architectural
mucus. feature. “You know -- I rather like it.”
“That fucking witch,” said Draco. “The damage to the serpents and other grotesques led to a rather interesting
discovery,” said Draco, gesturing to the arch mouldings above them. “We found
that they’d been built over angel iconography. I thought it made the place feel like a
cathedral, but my mother liked them. She kept the more intact ones.”
Granger surveyed the half-dozen angels variously perched and soaring, up near
the top of the ceiling.
“Oh. I would’ve thought they’d always been serpents.”
“So did we. It seems some Malfoy ancestor in the eighteenth century got a bit
excited about the family’s ties to Salazar Slytherin and decided to adopt the
serpentine imagery whole-heartedly.”
As they moved down the hall to the salon, the glossy planks of wood below their
feet gave way suddenly to glass.
“Now, this is interesting,” said Draco. “The dungeons were entirely destroyed in
the last battle -- and below them--”
“Oh -- ruins!”

156 | Draco Malfoy, Oblivious Idiot Twelve | 161

French style, accentuating her collar bones and slender neck, and tailored high
about the waist.
Granger looked pale but seemed preternaturally calm as she spotted Draco and
asked, “Why am I here, again?”

12
Draco enumerated possibilities on his fingers: “A sudden interest in building
bridges. To thank the Malfoys for making the Delacroix ward possible. Because you
were personally invited by Narcissa Malfoy and no one says no to her. Because I
coerced you. Take your pick.”
“Don’t flatter yourself -- you couldn’t coerce me into anything.”
“Don’t challenge me, or I may decide to prove you wrong.”
He and Granger exchanged mutually obstinate looks. However, Draco was
The Tea Party
more interested in the distinct lack of shaky hands or other trembles that usually
marked Granger’s anxious states -- which today’s event ought to have triggered,

D
given the location.
raco’s Jotter sank into taciturn silence in the next few days. He assumed
“You’ve taken a Calming Draught,” said Draco. that Granger was pouting and that he wouldn’t hear from her again
“Whatever gets me through it,” said Granger. “I needn’t remind you of what my until he prodded her about her next asterisk holiday.
last sojourn under this roof was like.” He was therefore surprised to receive a missive from her before the week had
“It’s hardly the same roof,” said Draco, looking up at the grand white arc above elapsed.
them.
Received an invitation to
“What do you mean? Oh -- you said you had rebuilt.”
tea from your mother. This
Granger, too, looked up at the grand ceiling. She was quiet for a moment, and
Sunday.
then said, “A thought experiment: is it still the same Manor if its original
components were all replaced?”
Will you be nice and attend?
“The Ship of Theseus,” said Draco. “Well -- Manor of Theseus, I suppose.”
Granger turned her attention from the ceiling to him. Her expression flitted
from surprised to impressed, then back to neutral. “Precisely.” Not sure you deserve me
being nice.
“Tell me when you’ve worked it out.” Draco held his arm towards the door.
“Shall we?”
“No,” said Granger, an arm wrapped around her midsection. “I’d rather stay Don’t punish my mother
here and discuss the metaphysics of identity.” because of me.
“Half the guests here today are brains. You can discuss metaphysics to your little
heart’s content. The Patil twin who teaches at Edinburgh is here.” Besides, I ate Flobberworm
“Ooh, Padma’s here?” mucus — haven’t I suffered
enough?
This news spurred Granger on to follow Draco to the door that led to the
entrance hall. She paused at the threshold and took a small, fortifying breath. Then

160 | The Tea Party Twelve | 157

 Draco straightened in his seat. So she was playing that card. He supposed he
Did you really eat it? hadn’t a choice, then.

Understood. I will be there.

Yes.

She didn’t respond.

Liar.

Draco didn’t respond, because she was right. Sunday came around and with it the usual flurry of preparations that preceded
His Jotter buzzed again. Narcissa's functions. Draco remained in his chambers until the whirlwind of
Henriette and her fellow elves had abated and the first guests had arrived.
Am only going if you’ll be Narcissa managed her guest lists with a strategy and refinement developed over
there. Not suffering alone. decades of serving as the perfect hostess. Today’s invitees were a mix of higher level
Ministry employees and academics. For Granger, the group would permit
comfortable mingling with a familiar crowd. For Draco, it was a boon, as the
I can’t. I already fabricated a categories of clingy débutantes and high level Ministry employees were normally
scheduling conflict for myself. mutually exclusive.
He caught Henriette and asked her, quietly, to let him know when Granger had
Too bad. arrived.
Then he made his way into the salon, which Narcissa had opened up onto the
Unmake it. west terrace on this lovely May afternoon. Delicately wrought silver tables, piled
high with finger sandwiches and cakes, spilled out onto the terrace. Guests were
shielded from the sun by floating lace parasols that drifted over them.
But it’s complicated. Draco recognised some old school mates and wandered over to make small talk
with Terry Boot (Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes), Davies
(Magical Transportation), and Padma Patil (University of Edinburgh). The
conversation moved from mutual ribbing about getting old, to the recent
He hoped that she could hear the whinge through the text. performance of the Falmouth Falcons, to children, at which point Draco lost
interest and began to consider evasive manoeuvres.
So is attending an event at Rescue came in the form of Henriette, who tugged at Draco’s sleeve to inform
Malfoy Manor. that Healer Granger had just Flooed in.
Draco found Granger dusting herself off in the Floo parlour. He had half
expected her to arrive in Muggle attire to make a point. However, she had gone to
the effort of wearing robes for the occasion. They were a light grey-blue in the

158 | The Tea Party Twelve | 159

 “Yes. This is the right way. I’m sure they tightened it up on purpose--” “That’s why I’d be rather pleased if you'd come with me,” said Granger. “I have
Draco stopped abruptly. Granger walked into his arse, swore, then removed some knowledge of wards, but yours eclipses mine. Now, in the event that things go
their Disillusionments so that they could see each other. pear-shaped, I’ve prepared a few -- er -- distractions that I’ll be planting as we do our
Draco shifted so that Granger could observe the almost invisible reddish innocent bumbling tour.”
glimmer across the stone floor, under the glow of his wand. “What kind of distractions?”
“These fucking nuns,” said Draco. Granger waved her wand and a glowing rune came to life between them. She
“What is it?” flicked her wand and displayed two or three more. Every one of them contained the
“One of the Torments invented by the Carthusians. They called it Spiritual radical Kenaz: fire.
Sanctification. Satirical buggers.” “Incendiary devices? In a monastery?”
“What’s it do?” Granger bit her lip. “Yes.”
“An area-of-effect Crucio. Easier than continually casting it. Great for dungeon “You’re a menace, Granger.”
floors.” “But I’ve modified them -- they will look a lot worse than they actually are.
“A Crucio carpet?” They’ll give the Sisters real trouble to extinguish, though. I integrated combustible
“Essentially.” metals.”
“Horrid,” shuddered Granger. The alchemist in Draco was intrigued. “What metals?”
“Any alternate routes?” “Magnesium, lithium, potassium.”
“The Beezlebub blocked off the main artery. We need to face it, or cross this--” “Aguamenti will do bugger all,” said Draco. “They’ll need to find a dry
As she spoke, a spark of purple shimmered in Draco’s peripheral vision. He extinguishing agent.”
tackled Granger out of the way just as the spark burst into a whip-lash of vicious “Yes. By the time they work it out, we’ll be long gone. I’ve put a peripheral
violet light. The curse hissed against the wall where Granger’s head had been. boundary on each explosion; the fires will look enormous, but the real damage
“What was that?” Granger’s mouth was open as she watched the corrosive should be limited to a square metre.”
purple ooze gnaw into the stone wall. “And disguises?” asked Draco.
“Mind Flayer,” said Draco, regaining his feet. “Delayed onset. Nasty.” Here Granger looked ambivalent. “I’ll leave yours to you. I was going to do a few
“Mind Flayer?” repeated Granger, clambering to her feet as well. “These bloody simple glamours. I studied in France for two years and I was only recognised once,
nuns...” by a fellow English student. I don’t think the nuns in the country’s most remote
“Broom,” said Draco, his attention back on the Torment. “We mustn’t touch monastery will be up to date on Hermione Granger’s most recent look.”
the floor. And don’t suggest Wingardium Leviosa instead.” “Fair.”
“I wasn’t going to,” snapped Granger, pulling the broom out of her Extended “We’ll bumble our way through the monastery, Stunning and Obliviating as
pocket. “I wouldn’t trust myself in these close quarters, not with a great bloody needed (hopefully not at all), and I shall take a fragment of the skull so tiny, they
body like yours to heft about...” won’t even know it’s gone.”
They mounted the broom, both keeping their legs unusually tightly wound. “And then? We Disapparate out?”
The ceiling was so low here that even at that, with their heads brushing the stone “The entire area is warded against,” grimaced Granger. “That’s why we’re being
above, Draco’s knees were inches from the Torment. Muggle walkers. We’ll have to trot along to the edge of the ward to Disapparate.”
“Portkey?”
“Too trackable, unless you’ve fixed the one you attempted in the ring?”

212 | Get thee to a nunnery Thirteen | 177

 “I haven’t,” said Draco. “That enchantment is a real bugger. There’s a reason Granger spelled out another of her incendiary runes, then said, “We’re past the
why there’s an entire Department dedicated to Portus experts.” fifteen minute mark.”
“Damn it.” “We can expect hostility on the way back,” said Draco. “Hopefully only the four
“Brooms?” nuns.”
Granger responded to this intelligent suggestion with all the gratitude and “The runes should provide a distraction,” said Granger, but there was anxious
eagerness that might have been expected, which is to say, none at all. irritation lacing her voice: this wasn’t going according to plan.
“Why is it always brooms, with you?” she asked in a kind of snarl. The new path led to a Cloud of Contagion and a Carcerem sine fine ward, both
“Because they’re bloody useful, and a good deal faster than bimbling back down disarmed by Draco. As he worked, Granger, fretting about the time, took a step
the trail by foot until we can Disapparate. Unless you’re secretly a mountain goat ahead of him to peer around the corner.
Animagus?” In Granger’s defence, Draco also wouldn’t have expected another ward so soon
“But how would we even involve brooms? Hide them on the trail in advance?” after these two -- but there it was. Granger tripped it, and a flurry of Arcanist’s
“Can you squeeze a broom into your Extended pockets?” Arrows flew at them from all directions.
“Probably,” said Granger, frowning. “Probably just one, given the awkward Only Draco’s reflexes saved them from death by impalement; as the fiery arrows
shape.” whizzed, he pushed Granger into the wall and cast Obice circum. The arrows
“That’s settled, then. Disillusionment and a quick broom-ride out. I’ve used it embedded themselves into the glow of his shield instead.
hundreds of times to get out of sticky situations. As soon as you hit the sky, they “You idiot!” said Draco, his face in Granger’s invisible hair. “You properly
can’t see you at all -- and you’re miles away before they can Summon their own dropped a bollock on that one. You were to stay behind me at all times!”
brooms.” “They put three wards within two square metres?” gasped Granger from
Granger sighed. “Fine. Broom until we’re past the Anti-Apparition Ward. Then somewhere in his chest.
we Disapparate out. Only in the unfortunate event that we trigger a ward or they “Evidently. And now we’re in a nice pickle,” said Draco as the arrows exploded
catch us with our hands on the skull and give chase. Otherwise, we leave the way we against the shield. “A pickle?! That’s what you’re calling this hellscape?”
came.” “Do something about the bloody fire before it takes down my shield!”
“I’ll choose one of my racers,” said Draco, growing rather excited at the prospect. Granger, spurred into action, slid her wand under Draco’s arm and waved out a
“I can attach a second seat.” complex command in runic.
For her part, Granger looked tetchy. “A racer. Wonderful.” The fiery arrows fizzled out.
“The point is to be fast. Shall we do a S.W.O.T. analysis?” “You’ll have to teach me that one,” said Draco, pushing away from her.
“No. I know it’s a good idea,” said Granger. She looked pouty. “I don’t have to “Another time,” said Granger. There was a shakiness in her voice, though
like it.” whether it was nerves or fatigue, Draco wasn’t certain. Every incendiary rune and
“Good. When shall I bring my broomstick for you to squeeze into your pocket? spell she used she was placing was a drain on her magic, just as every curse he was
We’ll have to see if the shaft fits whatever minuscule crevice you’re offering, breaking was a drain on his. Neither of them had expected to be this strained. At
Extension charms or no.” Draco’s count, they had broken over twenty curses in the span of a quarter hour.
Granger valiantly attempted to keep a straight face. “We’re getting close -- this is the last corridor,” said Granger as they approached.
“What?” asked Draco, his own face impassive. The ceiling lowered the further they progressed.
Granger collapsed into a restrained giggle. “W-why did you have to phrase it like “Are you sure we aren’t going into a bloody burial chamber?” muttered Draco as
that?” he half-crouched to keep advancing.

178 | Solstice Fourteen | 211

 “Fucking hell, a Gutting Glyph?” he muttered as he caught the next ward. Draco’s poker-face was impeccable. “Like what?”
“These nuns are murderous.” “Like a horrid euphemism for -- ugh -- never mind.”
He felt Granger peek around his shoulder and watch his translucent wand “For what, Granger?”
disarm the thing. “I said, never mind.”
“These are rather Darker than I anticipated,” said Granger. “How are we doing Draco let up and smirked. “Who’s giggling about penises now?”
for time?” Granger, realising that he’d been taking the piss, gave him a black look. “At least
“Five minutes till the bonne sœur at the entrance comes to badger us. Maybe ten I’m not choking on an omelette while doing so.”
if she backs off at the sight of our pious heads.” “Choking while stuffing your gob at the Knob is a rite of passage.”
“This is going far slower than I would’ve liked,” said Draco, picking up his pace, Granger couldn’t help the snort that escaped her. “Stop.”
his wand held high to detect further threats. “Now, if we can stop talking about penises for one moment--”
“I know,” said Granger, worry tightening her voice. “I’m not talking about penises -- you are.”
They continued into progressively narrower passageways, past several centuries “I’m talking about broomsticks and pubs. I’m innocent.”
of stacked bones and bodies mummified by the passage of time. Draco’s wand “No, you’re maddening.” Granger pressed her fingertips to her temples. “Right.
being otherwise engaged, Granger conjured a circle of blue flames around them to Let’s focus. I have places to be.”
light the way, along with her Lumos. “Where do you have to be?”
For a suspiciously long time, there were no other interruptions. “Places,” said Granger. “As for us, we’re leaving next Friday. I shall Jot the details
Then they came to a grinning goat’s skull, floating in the middle of the passage. to you, but, in brief -- we’ll Floo to Aix-en-Provence. I’ll drive us to the town of
It looked inoffensive and inert, simply suspended in place. Carved into the dusty Saint-Maximin so that we arrive like Muggles.”
floor below it was a pentagram. “Fine.”
Draco grit his teeth: this one, he’d read about in the text about the Dominican “And keep this escapade to yourself,” added Granger.
monks. “No,” said Draco in a gush of annoyed sarcasm. “I was thinking of placing an
“What is it?” asked Granger to Draco’s back. advert in the Prophet.”
“Beelzebub’s Barrier,” said Draco. “I just don’t want people asking questions—”
“I had rather hoped we wouldn’t encounter it.” Draco held up his hands to frame an imaginary headline: “Attractive Auror
“Why? What happens if we trigger it?” Agrees to Hare Off to France with Harridan Healer.”
“A rather serious case of demonic possession. That neither of us is devout “Harridan?” repeated Granger, in a harridanly sort of way.
enough to deal with, by the by,” said Draco. “Or Harpy -- would you prefer that? I’d like to keep the alliteration.”
“Ugh. How do we disarm it?” asked Granger. “Human sacrifice.” Granger’s nostrils flared. “I would prefer it if we brought this conversation to a
“What?” close.”
“Shall I Summon the nun?” “Huffy Healer,” said Draco, generously.
“No. We’ll find another way round. Hang on. Let me think of a detour. This Granger’s jaw clenched.
was the most direct route, of course...” Given that he didn’t want to have his bollocks jinxed off, Draco rose to make his
After a few moments of thinking -- during which Granger drew out her mental exit. “Raging Researcher?” he called over his shoulder. “Piqued Professor?”
maps on Draco’s back and gave him a shiver -- she guided them down another
passageway. They were both aware of the time ticking by.

210 | Get thee to a nunnery Thirteen | 179

 There was something delightfully murderous in the way she spat “Malfoy!” at Granger clearly had no idea of Draco’s capabilities. He did not respond, focusing
his retreating back. When Draco had descended the stairs in King’s Hall, well clear his will on the flight of the bulky pew, currently whizzing through the passage
of jinxing range, he took out his copy of Granger’s schedule and investigated the above them. Should any nun be unfortunate enough to be in its way, she would be
‘Places’ she had to be. It was an Italian restaurant in an hour. Participant(s) summarily pulverised.
unspecified. Draco stuffed her schedule back into his pocket. There was some thumping as the pew descended the stairway towards them.
He had a certain suspicion that Granger had a date. “Wow,” said Granger at the sight of this absurd, yet impressive, display.
And he didn’t care at all, and it certainly didn’t irritate him for no reason. “You just had to Transfigure her into the bloody weight of an actual pew,”
He sent a Jot to Zabini, out of an abundance of -- well, he’d call it caution -- panted Draco as the pew tottered into view.
asking him if he had any plans that evening. Zabini said no, but he’d be glad to have Granger undid the Transfiguration on the Stunned nun with mutterings about
plans; should they meet at the Macassar? the importance of accuracy. Then Draco watched Granger’s Disillusioned shape
Draco sent back his agreement. Theo was invited too, who suggested they invite hover indecisively over the limp body.
Pansy, who brought her Longbottomed plonker of a husband, who invited Draco, seeing that Granger hadn’t the bottle to do the dirty part, pulled out his
MacMillan, who arrived with three Ministry colleagues, and they ended up making knife.
quite an evening of it. “A light cut,” said Granger. There was apprehension in her voice. Bodily harm to
One of MacMillan’s juniors was a witch with whom Draco had slept a few times others had been a distant, worst-case Plan F.
over the years. She gave him her amorous attentions all evening and he accepted Draco snatched up the nun’s hand and sliced open her palm. He pressed it on
them with a kind of listlessness -- the touches at his thigh, the holding of his arm. the Blood Lock’s smooth obsidian surface. “Better hope she’s got permission to
However, when she trailed after him to the dark corridor leading to the loo, he open this, or we’re going hunting for the Prioress.”
found that he had no desire to pursue anything further with her. “I bloody well hope not -- she’s probably back down in the village.” For a long
When he returned, very much un-mussed, and with an offended looking witch moment, nothing happened. Then the Blood Lock glowed golden and popped
behind him, Zabini and Ernie both regarded him with a raised eyebrow. open.
Whatever. As he shot back his Firewhisky, Draco reflected that at least he could Granger sighed out in relief. As Draco checked for further wards beyond the
rest easy that it wasn’t bloody Zabini that Granger was cosying up to tonight. gate, she healed the Stunned nun’s hand, then Transfigured her again -- this time,
into a torch sconce to match the others along the wall.
“Couldn’t’ve done that in the first place?” asked Draco.
The journey from London to France went as smoothly as could be desired. Draco “There weren’t torches upstairs!” snarled Granger. “She needed to be
met Granger at one of the International Floo departures in London. After she camouflaged!”
pronounced herself satisfied with Draco’s holidaying Mugglewear (“Quite smart, They moved into the crypt -- wet-walled, mouldy, and stinking of centuries of
really -- you look like you own a boat.”) they stepped into the fire. death. Granger, tucked behind Draco, muttered directions to him as they went. She
Then, after a longish, three-minute whirl in the Floo that made Granger green, had committed the entirety of the labyrinthine area to memory, based on whatever
they found themselves at the hearth of the Tournesol in Aix-en-Provence. ancient texts she had got her hands on. If their progress down one passageway was
From there, Granger took over, navigating them to a car hire place, and then blocked, she would have three alternatives at the ready.
driving the forty kilometres to the charming seaside town of Saint-Maximin-la- Draco disarmed a series of increasingly malicious wards -- wards that hardly
Sainte-Baume. Their suitcases were in the boot, their snacks were in the back seat, merited the name, really; these were curses. He slowed them down to a crawl.
and the car stereo played something that wasn’t Austrian folk music. Draco found

180 | Solstice Fourteen | 209

 The nun raised a finger to point to the excruciatingly clear sign above the door it to be altogether a pleasant drive through olive groves, vineyards, and hilltops
that said, ACCÈS INTERDIT, and asked if Granger could see through those silly dotted with medieval ruins. Perhaps there was something to be said for the
glasses? Then she asked why they were even here, and who had let them in; the Muggles’ scenic routes, rather than the immediacy of Apparition.
monastery was closed? And (suddenly noticing the stone Doppelgangers), what Moustiers-Sainte-Marie: a typical Provence scene. (Photo: AP)
was that? Granger was full of a kind of nervous energy that manifested itself in a stream of
The nun was getting too worked up to play Bumbling with. Draco cut her fact- informative babbling paired with peppy driving. Draco endured the former and
finding mission short, Stunning her without fanfare. rather enjoyed the latter. Their hired Peugeot had looked, to Draco’s unpractised
“Shit,” said Granger. “But, unfortunately, necessary.” eye, like a stodgy sort of car, but Granger had awakened a zeal for life in the thing.
Granger had insisted that she be in charge of any Obliviations. She removed the They whizzed past meandering Provençal traffic without issue until Granger
past five minutes from the nun’s mind with, admittedly, far more care than Draco found a challenger: a black Citroën whose chief joy was racing to catch up and pass
would’ve. them, and then slowing down again in a pissy sort of way.
“Your Stun will hold for at least another twenty minutes?” asked Granger. “Twat,” said Draco, the third time this had happened.
“Half an hour, unless she’s got Troll blood.” “A Parisian, of course,” said Granger, observing the registration plate.
“Good.” Granger Transfigured the nun into a pew and floated her against the “I’ve half a mind to hit him with a puncture,” said Draco, spinning his wand
wall. “Let’s get on.” between his fingers.
Granger cast a Silencing spell around the two of them as Draco Disillusioned “That wouldn’t be sporting,” said Granger. The road straightened out enough
them, followed by Notice-Me-Not charms for good measure. They carried on, into for her to attempt a pass. She shifted gears. “Hold onto your trousers.”
the passage that led from the grotto to the crypt. The Peugeot’s engine whined in startled protest as Granger hit the accelerator.
As planned, Draco took the lead, doing a little recce around every corner before The car responded with an astonishing burst of speed. Draco’s head and body felt as
he let Granger follow. She dropped two more runes as they went. though they were being pressed into the seat by the G-forces -- a delightful sensation
They met the first alarm wards at the downwards stairway into the crypt. Draco that made him want to whoop.
dismissed these without issue, but proceeded more slowly thereafter -- now they The tyres squeaked and their small car surged ahead of the Citroën.
were getting closer to where things might become interesting. “Cheers, dickhead,” said Draco, making the V-sign to the other driver as they
They encountered two illusory staircases that led to oubliettes. Draco disarmed passed.
some nasty pressure-triggered traps (an Orb of Pestilence and a Rot Rune). Granger The man in the car made an equally friendly gesture back.
took care of a Searing Sacrilege aimed at their hearts. As they whizzed down the road, Draco remarked, “I didn’t think this car had
“The Sisters aren’t very nice,” she said. Draco could hear the frown in her voice. that kind of verve. What did you put in her for petrol, Pepperup? Oi -- you had
At the bottom of the stone stairway, the air grew stale and musty. They came your wand out!”
upon the gate of the crypt, and with it, their first real challenge: a Blood Lock. Granger was tucking something into her pocket. She started. “What? No.” “And
“That’s Dark,” said Draco. “These nuns aren’t bollocksing about.” you called me unsporting?”
“We need that Stunned nun,” said Granger. “We should go back up--” “I only gave us a bit of a boost,” said Granger, with a triumphant glare back at
“We don’t have time. Accio,” said Draco, waving his wand towards the the other car through the rearview mirror.
Transfigured nun, who lay, pewishly, somewhere above them. Draco observed her. “Granger’s Paradox.”
“But that’s far too heavy for a Summoning...?” “I beg your pardon?”
“You’re a speed demon, and yet you hate flying.”

208 | Get thee to a nunnery Thirteen | 181

 “I’m not a speed demon,” scoffed Granger. “I’m just a bit impatient.” “Shh,” said Granger. “She’ll chuck us out.”
“You ski, too. Isn’t skiing rather an extreme sport? You launch yourself down the “Nunchuck us, you might say.”
Alps at high velocity?” Granger made a wry face. “I might not.”
“Only if you put it that way--” Draco concluded that he was wasted on her.
“From the top of a mountain,” said Draco. “Thousands of metres in the air. “You did a fair job at lying, at least,” said Draco.
Brooms will take you two hundred metres up, at the most extreme.” “I can lie,” said Granger. “I once bluffed my way past Gringotts goblins, you
“It’s different when there’s nothing below you.” know. I do all right when I’m not being transfixed by those -- those lances you call
A lengthy argument ensued. Meanwhile, the country around them grew eyes.”
wooded. They took a slip- road off to a rural road, winding down through gorges “Transfixed, you say.”
and then back up again. They passed through convivial medieval villages and then “Pierced. Impaled, even. Look away before you cut me to pieces.”
down a sinuous country lane, which eventually brought them to vast flatlands Draco looked away, amused. He did not tell her that her eyes had a contrary
striped with lavender fields and, finally, the sea. effect -- of drawing one in, of pulling towards. Sometimes, if he wasn’t guarded,
“Oh, how beautiful,” sighed Granger, in a moment of uncharacteristic softness. locking eyes with her felt like falling, like plummeting head-first.
“A balm upon the soul,” said Draco, with enough of an edge to suggest But enough nonsense about eyes. They took stock of the grotto.
cynicism, to cover the fact that he meant it. It was far bigger than Draco had imagined -- rather more of a cave -- containing
The picturesque town of Saint-Maximin came into view under the afternoon an entire chapel. The walls were dotted with votive candles. Fissures in the cave had
sun. been blocked up by stained glass, which bathed the place in deep reds and blues.
“We’ll stay at the hotel tonight,” said Granger, “And we’ll do the walk up and the There was no one about. In a dark corner of the cave, Granger Transfigured two
-- the other activity -- tomorrow morning.” statues into kneeling replicas of herself and Draco, and put a cluster of candles in
Draco felt her give him a sidelong look, to which he quirked an eyebrow. front of them. Should the guard nun check in on them, their silhouettes would be
“What?” hunched in quiet contemplation at the far end of the grotto.
“The nicer hotels were all booked up, so don’t be a prat about the quality of the Granger also placed the first of her incendiary runes at the base of the
place. It’s... older. The restaurant is apparently lovely, though.” Magdalene’s statue. “But not too close,” she whispered as she flicked the symbol
“Is the hotel run by ogres?” into life. “I don’t want to actually damage it...”
“Of course not -- this is a Muggle town.” Meanwhile, Draco was casting his detection spells, which told him there were
“Then it’ll be fine.” about five nuns on the premises. “There might be more. This rock makes it hard to
“You’ve stayed in a place run by ogres?” say. So that’s five witches and untold amounts of wards.”
“Yes,” said Draco. “A stakeout in Budle. I did learn a bed bug extermination spell “Much better than the usual fifty witches, anyroad,” said Granger.
as a result, so we’ll be sorted if you feel anything scurrying up your legs tonight.” Satisfied with the arrangement of their stone Doppelgangers, Granger crept
“Eurgh,” shuddered Granger. round the edge of the grotto and poked her head into the passage that led from the
Granger’s mobile, which had been serving as a kind of live map for the duration grotto to the crypt.
of the drive, suddenly announced that the Hotel Plaisance was coming up on their Footsteps resonated from that very direction a moment afterwards. A younger
right. nun appeared and asked, in surprise and annoyance, what Granger thought she was
The hotel was old and tired, but beautifully situated. doing?
Granger said, “Pardon, je cherche les toilettes.”

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 Draco and Granger took a moment to camouflage their wands upon their The small foyer was packed with other arrivals, all of whom were being served by
persons and rearrange their mutually hostile body language into that of Bumbling a single, hard- of-hearing old woman, who moved with all of the agility of a
Muggle Newlyweds. They walked next to each other, Granger’s arm hooked mollusc. Eventually, it was their turn, and the woman gave them the key to their
through Draco’s. room and took their names down for a dinner reservation.
Their first obstacle was the Sister at the monastery door--an older woman, The tiny room had a bed of questionable structural integrity, a lamp, a caved-in
observing their approach with a dour expression. sofa, and an afterthought of a bathroom.
“Ah non non non. Aucune visite aujourd’hui; le monastère est fermé,” said the There was a vague, fusty scent to the room, as though someone's great aunt had
Sister. Granger, wiping sweat from her brow, feigned shock, and asked why it was sprayed perfume and then died there in sad circumstances.
closed? “All mod cons, Granger,” said Draco as they took stock.
The Sister explained that it was Midsummer; everyone was at the Basilica below. “Sea view, at least?” said Granger, banging open the shutters to air things out.
They were welcome to join in the celebrations there. There would be no services in The bed squeaked as Draco sat on it and then sank almost to the ground, with
the monastery chapel today. intimations that it was planning on collapsing entirely under his weight as soon as
Granger made a fair approximation of distress. Draco jumped in with an he was asleep.
explanation to the nun that the pilgrimage to the monastery was of Spiritual Granger observed Draco where he sat, his knees almost at his chin.
Significance to both of them, and that they had honeymooned here especially to “The bed is yours,” she said with what she’d no doubt intended to sound like
visit. Wouldn’t she consider making an exception? generosity. It sounded rather strategic to Draco’s ear. She had her eye on the sofa.
Granger sniffed that all she wanted to do was light a candle and make a prayer to “I’ll Transfigure this into something serviceable for myself.”
the Magdalene, because she was a Repentant Sinner, and needed Her sacred “Something serviceable,” repeated Draco, as Granger undertook a complex, ten
blessing. minute Transfiguration exercise, turning the sofa into a lovely, cushy-looking bed,
Draco made a great show of comforting his sobbing wife. (It felt interesting to in a regal burgundy.
cradle Granger and feel her breath on his chest through his shirt. It felt surprisingly... Granger missed the raillery. “That should do it,” she said, slightly breathless from
nice. He would go with nice.) the magical exertion. “Now. I should like a shower. What are your plans for the
He patted her bum theatrically; she stiffened and her grip on his arm grew evening? Dinner’s at eight.”
pinchy. The nun pursed her lips as she observed the spectacle. “My job,” said Draco, already warding the window. “I’m going to have a
Draco brushed the forefront of the nun’s mind with a light touch of wander. I’ll meet you back here at quarter to.”
Legilimency to determine whether he needed to start Stunning. He discovered that “All right,” said Granger. She had pulled out a list. “What’s that?”
the sunglasses perched on their heads were the deciding factor: the nun concluded “My itinerary for the evening,” said Granger.
that they were gormless idiots, and that a brief visit would do no harm, despite the “...You only have three hours,” said Draco. Even from across the room, the list
Prioress’ instructions. looked long.
Please do not be jealous. “I know. I’d better crack on. There are so many lovely little museums and
The nun led them through the small monastery and into the Magdalene’s bookshops -- and of course, the basilica.”
grotto. “Quinze minutes,” she said with a severe finger wag. Granger grappled with her luggage, pulled out a change of clothes, and stepped
Fifteen minutes was most certainly not enough for their nefarious plans, but into the bathroom.
Draco and Granger burbled out some gratitude.
“Doddery old piss bag,” said Draco as the nun left.

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 Draco left her to it and stalked the hotel's dingy halls, warding as he went. He “Liar. You’ve been favouring it the past quarter hour.”
did not find any baddies. There were only Muggles present. Granger’s plan, at least Which was true, but Draco had hoped she hadn’t noticed.
for Day One, was unfurling smoothly. “Do you want me to have a look?” asked Granger.
Tomorrow was an entirely different story, of course. Draco returned to their “No,” said Draco.
room to read the tome on warding he’d brought with him. “Manticore bites are nasty,” said Granger. “Have you been keeping up with the
Granger had already left -- all the better for him to squeeze in another bit of exercises Parnell gave you?”
studying. He kicked off his shoes and stretched out on Granger’s bed, the book “None of your business,” said Draco, because the answer was no, because he was
floating above him as he flicked through pages. a procrastinator, and then he forgot.
Draco had been focusing his study on warding techniques on the Continent, “It’s your PCL, isn’t it? I can tell by your gait.”
but especially on the work of magical religious orders. He hoped that his readings “You’re angling to bribe me with a Healing to avoid using the broom, aren’t
on the warding systems of Cistercian and Dominican Monks would, at the very you?”
least, give him a clue tomorrow when he uncovered whatever the Benedictine “Yes. Is it working?”
Sisters had cast around their beloved relics. Draco considered the muddy witch at the bottom of the pit. Then he
As promised, Granger returned at a quarter to eight. She saw him reading and considered the hilarity of watching Granger attempt to ride his broom. Then he
immediately made a beeline for him. “Ooh, what’ve you got there?” considered the pain in his knee.
“Studying for tomorrow,” said Draco. “Give me a minute -- I found something The pain won out. He needed to be agile, for whatever the monastery was going
interesting.” to throw at them. Unfortunate.
Granger approached the bed to read the title of his book. Out of the corner of Draco tossed Granger’s wand down to her.
his eye, Draco saw that she had changed into a white, breezy sundress. Her hair was She made quick work of her escape, thereafter. The earth before her split into a
tied into a plait, though it was slowly unraveling. She smelled like sun on skin and platform, which, propelled by thick roots, carried her back to the path.
something sweet. He took a deeper breath. Almonds? Granger with her wand back in her hand looked rather more dangerous than the
She was chewing on something. wandless one in the ditch. She was eyeing Draco with something less than kindness
Draco held out his hand, his focus still on the book. for his giggle at her expense. The heat of it rather promised Revenge.
“None left,” said Granger. However, a deal was a deal (bless her, you could always count on her for that)
Draco floated the book lower so he could look into her eyes. “Liar.” and Granger’s wand was soon pointed at Draco’s knee, and the relief of Healing
Granger sighed and pulled out a crinkly bag. “Datte fourrée à la pâte d'amande.” spread across it.
Draco took the proffered marzipan-stuffed date. “You need to do the exercises,” said Granger, dusting herself off. “Healing can
It was exquisite. only do so much. Don’t be lazy. You’ve only got two knees.”
“Mm,” said Draco. “Bless the French.” “Yes yes, you’re right, of course. Let’s get on. We’ve wasted enough time with
He resumed his reading, but only for a moment, because Granger was hovering your dilly-dallying in ditches.”
over the book in a jealous sort of way. Now sound of body, Draco strode up the path, with Granger scurrying behind
He floated the book lower again. “Yes?” him to keep up, muttering rude things at his back.
“Could I have a look?” asked Granger. Finally, they came to the monastery. Granger had explained that it had been built
“You can have it after dinner,” said Draco, floating the book back up again. at the entrance of the grotto where the Magdalene had first taken refuge, which
Granger perched a thigh on the side of the bed. now served as a chapel.

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 Thus equipped, they began the hike up towards the monastery; a nice, sweaty “Can I help you?” asked Draco, observing this activity.
preamble to a sacrilegious violation of a priceless relic. “Budge up,” said Granger. “We can both read.”
The way up was, as promised by Granger, a bit of a slog. It was early enough that “No, we can’t. Personal space, Granger,” said Draco, making a shooing motion
the heat of the day didn’t utterly flatten them. As they progressed upwards, they with his hand.
were protected from the worst of the sun by a cathedral of trees that filtered the “This is my bed,” noted Granger, quite rightly.
light into cool greens. White hyacinths dotted the undergrowth. It smelled of earth Draco shifted over with a grumble (there wasn’t much room to shift). “We’re
and mushrooms. about to go to dinner.”
Between gasps for breath, Granger provided Draco with histories of the various “But you found an Interesting Thing,” said Granger. Her eyes were alight with
pilgrims who had walked this path, and the alleged Miracles that had followed. curiosity. She squeezed onto the bed next to him. The book floated above them.
Draco said that, as riveting as these histories were, he would advise her to save her “This is--” began Draco.
breath for the climb and concentrate. She did not heed his advice. About halfway “Quiet,” said Granger. “I’m reading.”
up a steep ascent, her lecture distracted her too much and she tripped off the path Draco lapsed into annoyed silence.
and into a ditch full of brambles and mud. Her wand, which she’d been using to Granger did not read, by the way -- Granger devoured. Her reading speed
sear away thorny overgrowth, remained on the path with Draco. outpaced Draco’s by fifty percent at his best guess, and he was himself a fast reader.
Draco, seeing that Granger was unhurt at the bottom of the ditch, took up a However, he did not turn the pages to cater to her pace; he gave her a moral lecture
contemplative position, leaning his shoulder against a tree. “What you’ve done about the importance of Absorbing the Information and Savouring the Text
there, Granger, is gone arse over tit.” instead.
“Thank you for that instructive remark.” Granger was peevish, for some reason. She responded with a long and dramatic sigh. Draco felt the expansion of her
Draco then generously explained to her what Principles and Laws of physics she chest against his side. That made him aware that Granger was there in a different
hadn’t quite been applying correctly. way than her impatient presence. It made him alert and twitchy, because he was
Granger attempted a clamber out, which only sank her further in brambles. lying down on a bed with a woman, and that woman was Hermione Granger. If
Draco observed with great interest. “Blondes really do have more fun.” he’d ever been mad enough to imagine such a scene, he would’ve pictured a
Granger gave up on the climb, having been distracted by the torn-up state of her moment of recoil, of distaste, probably, at this level of closeness with his childhood
clothing, courtesy of the brambles. “Ugh. These were new.” enemy.
“You look like you’ve lost a square go with a Jack Russell,” said Draco. Granger Instead, she felt warm, and she smelled like sunshine and almonds, and her hair
looked waspish. “Are you going to help me up?” was touching his neck, and it was intimate and strange. He felt a kind of pleasurable
“You’ve a broom,” said Draco. paralysis, of not wanting to breathe, of not daring to move and accidentally
“No,” said Granger. “Pass me my wand.” touching her too much, or worse, causing her to move away.
“But the broom is right there. With you. In your pocket.” He turned the page, with no idea what he had just read.
“No. Are you mad? It’s your fastest broom. I’ll give myself a traumatic brain His eyes kept drifting from the book above them to her legs, which were bent at
injury.” the knee, with one leg crossed over the other. Her dress was bunched up at her
Draco scoffed. “You aren’t that terrible at flying. Are you?” thighs, covering anything of interest -- there was nothing indecent about any of it,
Granger glowered at him, both hands on her hips. Then she changed tack. really -- and yet it felt illicit and thrilling, to see Granger’s legs from here. She had
“How’s your leg?” kicked off her sandals to join him on the bed. He could see the delicate arch of her
“...Fine.”

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bare foot, the tan lines where the sun had kissed her and then worked around the Draco attempted to carry on sleeping. Instead, he was visited by a second
straps, the pink-painted toes. erection, which he irritatedly took care of in the minuscule shower. It was
The delicate foot started to bounce. unsatisfying and he cracked his elbow against the wall doing it, but it was a release.
“You’re doing it on purpose to annoy me, being this slow,” said Granger. Draco Granger returned at eight on the dot -- bless her for occasionally following
snapped his eyes back to the page. “No, I am being attentive.” instructions -- bearing breakfast. This consisted of butter, jam, and a baguette, and
Granger waved her wand to tell the time -- it was eight on the dot. “Ugh. We've for drink, two coffees.
got to go.” “They’re both for you,” said Granger, pressing both cups into Draco’s hands.
She rose and slipped on her sandals. “The Caleruega warding technique sounds “Hopefully you’ll be less arsey for the remainder of the morning.”
terribly sensitive. Do you think the Sisters might be using that?” Draco, still tetchy, took the offerings wordlessly, and popped off to the tiny
“They might be,” said Draco. (He found that his brain was working in a kind of balcony to enjoy them in peace.
slow motion; it was still processing her thighs and the bunched-up dress, and had When he returned to the room (feeling substantially less inclined to tear off
not yet joined him in the present.) Granger’s head),
“We’ll have to be ever so careful tomorrow, if those things are as hair-trigger as Granger had donned her walking kit. “Shall we get our disguises on?”
this text suggests.” “Let’s,” said Draco.
Granger was redoing her plait. Draco got a whiff of her shampoo. That brought Granger turned the other way while Draco pulled on his bumbling newlywed
his brain back to the present, because it liked it. Muggle hiker attire. He glamoured his hair to look less Malfoyish. Granger did the
She was still going on about the chapter they had just read, and whether Draco same, to look less Grangery.
felt that he needed more preparation, and whether they should revisit the plan, and “Ready?” asked Granger.
if so, which parts they should modify. Perhaps she should feign illness in the “Ready,” said Draco.
monastery to distract the Sisters while Draco went into the crypt, to buy him more They turned around and looked at each other.
time? But no, he hadn’t studied the maps as she had; it had taken her weeks to “Funny,” said Granger.
memorise the labyrinthine paths, &c. &c. “Hilarious,” said Draco.
Which was excellent, as it gave Draco time to Get a Grip. What the fuck was Granger had elected to make her hair white-blond and straight, and change her
wrong with him? He went to the bathroom to splash some cold water on his face, eyes to a cold grey. Draco had chosen a mop of dark curls and brown eyes.
and hopefully some sense into his brain. “You look terrifying,” said Draco.
They made their way downstairs to dinner. “You look ridiculous,” said Granger.
“You look like the cadaver of a Veela.”
“Your hair looks like a merkin.”
The restaurant was all a-bustle. It was a lovely outdoor installation on a long kind of This exchange of pleasantries completed, Granger asked, “Shall we crack on?”
wharf that extended out into the sea, crammed with as many tables as possible. Draco nodded and slipped on the sunglasses that he had purchased for the
Draco and Granger threaded their way through the other patrons to a table for two occasion. They were heart-shaped and pink and wonderfully kitschy. Granger
at the end of the wharf. stared at them for a long moment, then declared that she wanted some too, and
It being midsummer, the sun was still hanging over the horizon at this late hour, conjured a matching pair.
tinging the sea gold and orange. It was an utterly gorgeous June evening; the breeze

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 played lazily with their hair, the sea splashed along the edge of the wharf in musical
Draco had nursed a suspicion that Granger was one of those hateful morning little wavelets, the sea-birds weaved their wheels above.
people. She proved it as soon as she could the next day, by launching herself out of As it turned out, the half-deaf old lady who had taken their reservation had
bed at the unholy hour of half five. creatively interpreted their names.
The sun rose with her on this Solstice morning and seemed equally fixated on The slate placard indicated that the table was reserved for Hormone et Crotch.
denying Draco his preferred nice, healthy lie-in till 11 a.m. A solemn waiter came by to light the candles on the table. Granger’s lips were
To further compound his irritation, Draco woke up hard. He remained pressed tightly together. Draco felt an uncomfortable bubbling of
unmoving, face down on the bed, as Granger faffed about with her suitcase, hilarity.
complained about getting naff all sleep, and finally got into the shower. “Monsieur, the wine list,” said the waiter, handing
He waved away his indecency with his wand, trying to recollect when he had last it to Draco.
woken up with such a rager. Bloody hell, he needed a shag. “Merci,” said Draco.
Granger was quick in the shower. Then, smelling of soap and warm skin, she The waiter recommended the red; Draco went
stood next to Draco’s bed and cleared her throat. with that, because all of his brain power was
“What,” said Draco irascibly into the pillow. “Are you up?” focused on not bursting into a scream of laughter.
Draco thought he ought to nominate himself for sainthood, in view of the jokes Granger’s eyes flitted back to the placard. She let out a gurgle that she turned into
that he did not make. a kind of cough.
“Go away,” said Draco. The waiter enumerated the evening’s menu. Granger nodded her approval of
“We should leave soon,” said Granger. the buttered sole while Draco croaked out a yes for the fillet mignon.
“You said eight,” said Draco. Granger was biting one of her knuckles. Draco heard her undertaking a deep
“It’s almost eight,” said Granger. breathing exercise. Finally, the waiter left.
Draco cracked open an eye to observe the clock beside the bed. “Load of tosh. Granger collapsed onto the table. “Crotch,” she gasped, attempting to breathe.
It’s six. Kindly fuck off.” “H-Hormone?” wheezed Draco.
Granger, clearly full of anxious energies, hissed out a sigh. “All right. Fine. I’ll go Granger was a boneless mass of restrained laughter. Her shoulders shook. Draco
find us some breakfast.” fell back into his chair and actually felt himself disintegrate into mirth.
“Don’t come back till eight,” growled Draco in warning. “My god,” breathed Granger. “Oh my god... why... why...”
The threat got Granger’s back up. “Or what?” Draco attempted to sober up, but then he looked at the placard again, and Crotch
“I shall bite off your head.” looked back at him in a beautiful flowing script, and he brought his napkin to his
“Are you a werewolf?” asked Granger. mouth to muffle himself. Granger took a deep breath. “What wine did you order,
“I might become one, for the purpose,” said Draco. for us, C-Crotch--”
“Fine. What d’you want?” Her voice veered high and she couldn’t finish the sentence because of her
“For you to go away. Evidently.” shrieking giggle. A few heads from the tables around them turned her way. She hid
“To eat, I mean.” her face in her hands.
“Don’t care. Let me sleep.” “They’re going to think we’re already pissed and kick us out,” said Draco,
“Fine.” Granger left in a bit of a huff. valiantly straightening up and attempting to regain control.

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 “Right.” Her face still hidden in her hands, Granger breathed. “Hide the Now it was time to get ready for bed. An awkwardness made the room feel close
placard. I can’t see it again. I will die.” and warm. Both of them carried on as though they didn't feel it.
Draco flipped the slate so that it was face down. “Done, H--” Granger changed into her sleeping things in the bathroom. She had apparently
“Don’t say it,” said Granger. selected the most horridly modest cotton pyjamas in her wardrobe for this weekend
The waiter returned, bearing bread, butter, and wine. “Merci,” said Granger, escapade.
wiping at a tear. “What?” she asked, in the face of Draco’s once-over.
As for Draco, he could hardly feel his cheeks. He gestured to the waiter to leave “Those put me in mind of McGonagall,” said Draco. “Are you going to pinch
the wine bottle. my ear and call me naughty?”
After a bit more breathing, both of them had regained their self-control -- well, “You find Muggle shorts indecent, remember?” said Granger. “My other option
mostly. Granger was avoiding looking anywhere near the slate. was a negligée, which would most certainly have offended your sensibilities.”
The sea caressed the rocky edges of the wharf below them. The patrons Draco thought he'd rather have liked to see this negligée. Out loud he said,
chattered, as did the gulls. The sun tilted lower. The bread was split and buttered “More than this picnic rug you’re sporting? Impossible.”
and Draco poured the wine. “O, yes.” Granger climbed into her bed. Draco noticed that she had
“Cheers,” said Granger. appropriated his tome on wards. She waved a hand at him. “Well, go on then -- go
“To success tomorrow,” said Draco, tilting his glass into hers. change, and let’s have a look at your haute couture jimjams.”
The final trace of amusement vanished from Granger’s face. She grew serious. Draco brushed his teeth and changed into his usual black silk pyjamas. It was a
Draco eyed her. He cast a silencing charm around them. “You’re nervous.” queer feeling, to await the judgement of Granger on his choice sleeping attire. Not
“Yes,” said Granger. Anxiety tightened the corners of her mouth. “A lot could go that he gave a damn what she thought, or anything.
wrong and, to be honest, it frightens the bollocks off of me. I haven’t done anything He sauntered back out of the bathroom. “Careful, Granger: I’m wildly attractive
like this in well over a decade. I’m a law abiding citizen now, you know.” in black.” Granger observed him over the book.
“Mostly.” Draco could think of at least twenty laws that Granger had broken “Irresistible,” she said drily. “I am undone.” The sarcasm was blistering.
since he had been assigned to her in January. “Mostly,” conceded Granger. Draco flicked non-existent dust from his shoulder. “It is, at the very least, not a
“Tomorrow will go according to plan. And if it doesn’t, you’ll set fire to the seat cover from the Hogwarts Express.”
place and we can go steal a better skull. ” “Mm, rather lugubrious, though.”
An amused huff escaped Granger in the face of this cavalier attitude. “You aren’t “I beg your pardon?”
the slightest bit worried, are you?” “Funereal, really,” sniffed Granger. “Who died?”
“I promise I’ve faced missions far more nerve-wracking than a gaggle of nuns,” “Your wit, about a minute ago.”
said Draco. “I was witty before?”
“Have you?” “To a limited degree.”
“Obviously.” A smile was pulling at the edges of Granger's mouth. She held the book up to
“Tell me.” hide it. “More than I can say about you.”
So Draco told her. He shared two or three of his favourite stories, which “Watch your cheek, or I shall revoke your reading privileges.”
prominently featured his own heroics and wits. Granger was not the captive, Granger held up her hands. “Pax. Cease-fire?”
eyelash-fluttering audience that he usually shared these tales with, however. She was “I accede.”
analytical and inquisitive, and asked some rather penetrating questions. Why didn’t

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 The question was posed with a self-conscious kind of curiosity. Draco thought he Silence the Sirens first? The knife fight was thrilling, but how did he let himself
that this might’ve been the first time that she had asked him something personal. get disarmed in the first place? Why didn’t his emergency kit include blood
“A Bachelor’s in Alchemy and a Mastery in Duelling,” answered Draco. replenishing potions? Shouldn’t all Aurors have a basic knowledge of the properties
“Oh! Well done. I always told Harry and Ron that they ought to consider of Aconite? Why hadn’t he used a nerve agent on the troll?
something like Duelling. But, well--” Here, in the face of Draco’s cynically raised Why, indeed? Draco parried, and countered, and justified, and defended, until
brow, Granger finished, weakly, “--They never loved academia.” Granger was satisfied.
“Those two knobheads don’t even have their NEWTs. They wouldn’t have He poured himself a second glass of wine, finding himself rather wrung-out and
survived a day,” said Draco, vexed that she dared consider them of his calibre. thirsty after the interrogation. His tales were usually followed by praise and gushing,
“They aren’t knobheads,” said Granger, a fist on a hip. and starry-eyed gaspings about his bravery and sagacity. With Granger? Not a
“The entirety of the programme’s foundational year was theory and philosophy chance.
of martial magicks. When’s the last time Pot and Wheeze even read a book?” “At least one of us will be feeling confident, which is better than none,” was her
“Is that a rhetorical question?” asked Granger. closing remark.
“No. Answer me.” She drained her glass of wine. Draco offered to refill it and she acquiesced, saying
“Damn it.” Granger lapsed into silence as she thought, a finger on her lip. At that she needed it for emotional support.
length, having recollected no recent memory, she said, “Just because they haven’t The waiter arrived with their orders. It was about time; Draco was ravenous.
mentioned reading a book to me, doesn’t mean they haven’t read one.” The car snacks and single stuffed date seemed very far away.
Draco dismissed this with a scoff. Granger said, Bon appétit, and Draco responded in kind.
“Do Quidditch magazines count?” asked Granger in subdued desperation. He put away the fillet mignon with gusto. As for Granger, she poked
“No.” distractedly at her plate, her pensive gaze on the coastline curving away from them.
“Years,” conceded Granger with an unwilling sigh. After five minutes of this, Draco lost his patience with her absent-mindedness.
“You would’ve done better than that pair of plonkers,” said Draco. “Except for He tapped at her plate with his knife. “Food first, then thinking.”
the practicals. Too much shrieking, insufficient cursing. Maître Toussaint would’ve Granger blinked. Then she pointed somewhere behind him. “I think I can see
eaten you alive.” the monastery.”
“You did it in France?” Draco turned around in his chair to look at the sandy-grey protrusion jutting
“Université de Paris.” from a distant cliff, above the tree-line. “My word. That’s rather high up, isn't it?”
“Mm. Mind you, my French masters almost ate me alive. Their paedagogical “It’s almost a two hour climb.”
methods consisted principally of browbeating. I did a concentration at the “So eat. If you feel faint, it’ll be a broom ride up.”
Sorbonne. I cried every day.” The threat was sufficient. Granger ate.
“Better than bleeding every day,” said Draco, with a heroic kind of nonchalance. Draco’s Jotter buzzed in his pocket.
(It was, in his defence, barely an exaggeration.) “My mother,” he said as he composed a response. “She wants to know that I’ve
Granger bit her lip. “I’ll stop whinging then, shall I?” arrived safely.”
Draco almost offered to show her his more dashing scars, but recalled, just in “Does she know you’re here with me?” asked Granger.
time, that Granger had her own, and that it wouldn’t do to embark on a “No,” said Draco. “Only that it’s for work.”
competition on that front. “Good.” Granger sipped at her wine.

200 | Get thee to a nunnery Thirteen | 189

 Draco sent back his response, assuring his mother that all was well and that he
hadn’t been waylaid by French bandits.
Granger was finishing her sole. She was struggling to keep a neutral expression; a
look of amusement kept washing across her features.

14
“What?” asked Draco.
“Oh -- nothing.” Granger found a fresh focus on a carrot, which she pushed
about with her fork. “I didn’t know your mother used the Jotters.”
“She didn’t. I convinced her to get one last week, since owls to France take so
long.”
Granger glanced up with a vivid interest that she was trying, and failing, to keep
hidden. “Did you? Does she like hers?”
Get thee to a Nunnery
“She does. What’s got you so intrigued?”
“Nothing,” said Granger, making intimate eye contact with Draco’s chin.

B
“Was that really your best try?” asked Draco in the face of this miserable failure. ack at the hotel, Granger observed Draco as he attempted to Transfigure his
Granger offered him more wine in a transparent attempt to distract him, which bed into something sturdier than the present offering. Transfiguration
only fixated him more on his line of enquiry. (He did accept the wine, however.) became exponentially more difficult at scale, however, and all he managed
“Granger.” to do was make it squattish and off-kilter.
“Yes?” “A very fair attempt,” said Granger, patting him on the head. (He was too
“Tell me.” surprised to be indignant.)
“We should review our plans for tomorrow,” said Granger in another attempt at “I’m waiting for you to take pity on me,” panted Draco.
a side-step. Granger nodded with a kind of exaggerated benevolence. She spent ten minutes
“We’ve reviewed them ad nauseum. What is it about the Jotters?” wrangling the collapsing frame into a comfortable bed, explaining what she was
Granger busied herself with pushing the carrot around again. doing as she went, and what Principles and Laws Draco hadn’t quite been applying
Draco reached over and blocked her fork with his knife. “Stop punting the correctly, for a Transfiguration this large.
bloody legume around and answer me.” “Why didn’t you stay in Transfiguration?” asked Draco to interrupt the lecture.
“Carrots aren’t a legume,” said Granger. In the face of Draco’s stare, however, she “Why Healing?”
added, “It’s absolutely nothing -- I thought your mother was rather traditional, so I Granger looked up from where she was transforming the worn coverlet into a
was surprised that she’d even try a Jotter. That’s all.” plush blanket. “Transfiguration’s practical applications peak at the Mastery level --
“That’s not all, though,” said Draco. Doctoral studies veer into the abstruse and theoretical. Healing was a branch of
Granger tapped Draco’s knife with her fork in an unspoken request to remove it magic that offered more scope to help people in the real world. And Healing
from her plate. harmonised more readily with my studies in Muggle medicine, of course.”
He did not. The sad-sack, greying pillows were transformed into puffy white ones. Granger
Granger sighed. “You’re utterly unrelenting. Did you know?” gave Draco a quick glance. “Did you complete further studies, after Hogwarts?”
“Yes. Now tell me.”

190 | Solstice Fourteen | 199

 The large boulders near the wharf presented more difficulty for Granger on the “...Did you just steal my carrot?”
way up than down; she stood, irresolute, grasping the wand in her pocket, but there Draco chewed. “Yes.”
were Muggles about, and her plans to Transfigure a stairway were interrupted. “Wow.”
Draco came up behind her and lifted her in one smooth motion, and received an “You weren’t eating it, you were pushing it about on a forky carousel. Now, tell
indignant squeal and a face-full of sandy skirts for his troubles. Her waist felt me.”
narrow and taut between his palms, and warm. Granger shifted back in her seat with a resigned sigh. “I rather thought you’d
He didn’t need her help to clamber up behind her, but he nevertheless accepted have worked it out by now.”
the small hand she reached towards him and took amusement in the serious effort “Worked what out?”
she put into her pull. Granger paused as though to gather herself. Then she asked, “Do you know
They meandered back towards the hotel. who invented the Jabbering Jotter?”
The sun poured gold across the horizon. With the brightness behind her, “...Wasn’t it the Weasley twins?”
Granger looked like she was wearing nothing but light. “No. They merely assisted the inventor in mass-producing and marketing
them.”
A slow dawning of realisation crept upon Draco. The witch across from him
was now holding back a grin.
“You’re the inventor of the bloody Jotters?”
“Yes,” said Granger.
“No.”
“Yes.”
“No.”
“Yes.” Granger looked terribly amused.
“Explain,” said Draco.
Granger settled into a pose that Draco could only describe as professorial. She
crossed her legs and held up her fork, ready to point to an invisible blackboard.
“Instantaneous communication systems really took off in the Muggle world about
10 years ago. They already had a leg up over wizards with the telephone for the
entirety of the twentieth century, but when email became common, and texting,
and, later, instant messaging, wizarding communication methods went from old
fashioned to utterly archaic. I’d already experimented with rudimentary Magical
communication methods as a child -- those Galleons, during the war -- but I knew
there had to be something more elegant, that retained that tactile feeling of
parchment or a notebook, but that would be far more immediate than Owling.”
Here Granger was interrupted by the waiter removing their empty plates. She
accepted the dessert menu, then continued. “I love owls; I find them so quaint and
dear, but so slow. Don’t look cross, they are slow -- you said so yourself not a

198 | Solstice Thirteen | 191

moment ago. And Flooing is only convenient if you’re near a connected hearth. I bathwater. The sound of the accordion on the wharf faded away; now it was only
created the Jotters to supplement those means of communication, not replace them the heart-pulse of the waves.
-- I do love writing a good letter. I never expected them to be as popular as they are. They meandered into a flock of hundreds of seabirds, which took off around
The twins helped me bring them to market and they get a percentage of the them and unravelled into the skies in a whirr of wingbeats and sea-cries. It was a
profits.” startling moment of sublimity that took a bit of their souls with it. Granger
Draco kept his features schooled into something neutral. The other option was a watched the birds’ disappearance into the blue with a soft sigh, her fingertips on her
bug-eyed stare. Not only was this woman frighteningly intelligent, but she was also collarbone, her lips parted.
absolutely minted. Everyone had a Jotter. His own mother had a Jotter and was, Granger said, “Beautiful,” and Draco said, “Yes,” but they were not talking
judging by the buzzing in his pocket, rapidly gaining proficiency. Granger must be about the same thing.
rolling in Galleons. Small wonder she handed off a sackful to a hag without a They continued. The marker for the Magdalene’s point of arrival was a modest
second thought. stone, half-buried in sand, at the tip of the headland. A few cut flowers were
“So this is how you’re funding your bloody project,” he said at length. scattered about, as well as candles gamely fighting to stay lit in the breeze.
“Amongst other things, yes. I’ve spent enough time under the tyranny of Granger furnished Draco with a great many details about the legend of the
granting agencies to enjoy the independence.” Magdalene’s expulsion from the Holy Land, and what disciples were with her, and
“But -- everyone thinks the Weasley brothers invented the Jotters. Why aren’t when she had reached this shore. Draco cared little for the details, but he was glad of
you claiming credit? They’re revolutionary.” the excuse to keep his attention on her, on the way the wind wended her plait hither
“They’re really not,” said Granger. “Muggle equivalents are ever so much more and thither, on her bare legs trickling with seawater. At one point, she almost lost
advanced -- they can send each other photos and media and data of all sorts. They her balance on the wet stones and her fingers touched his arm. They were quickly
can have live calls with hundreds of participants. The Jotters are rudimentary. An withdrawn.
improvement, but rudimentary.” Here Granger gave a shrug. “The bar was rather Draco said he supposed that there were worse places to land than Provence.
low. And as for the credit -- I’ve had my time in the limelight. I’m not in it for the Granger said she thought so, too. Draco asked whether the Magdalene would’ve
glory. I saw a problem that was in my capacity to fix.” eaten marzipan-stuffed dates when she was here. Granger fancied that she was the
“Is that what your project is about, too?” asked Draco. “A problem that is within one who had brought the recipe over from the Holy Land, in the first place. Draco
your capacity to fix?” said that stealing the credit for such a sublime culinary creation was a classically
“Exactly.” Granger regarded him seriously, now. “I needn’t tell you that I’d prefer French thing to do. Granger agreed.
the truth about the Jotters to remain between us. I only told you because you were Then they lapsed into silence and they stood where the land met the sea, and
being so horridly insistent.” breathed the sweet air, and were tickled by the salt breeze. Little waves strained to
Draco eyed her. “You’re positively a mogul. A tycoon.” reach past their knees before atomising into brine.
Granger laughed, but it was bitter. “No. Developing new therapies is terribly Draco found a seastar. Granger was delighted by the discovery and squatted
expensive.” down to look at it, and interrogated Draco on what species it was, and Draco said he
“Is it?” hadn’t a sodding clue.
“Yes.” Granger began to enumerate costs on her fingers, until she ran out of They turned to walk back to the hotel, splish-splashing through the warm tide
fingers. “Materials, space, laboratory staff, medical leads, legal staff, protocol writers, pools, wavelets clinging foamily at their ankles. Their hands brushed a time or two,
data scientists, staticians... testing for safety and efficacy is spendy too, of course -- and they said sorry, and stepped away from each other, and kept walking, and then
pharmacokinetic studies, preclinical toxicology testing, bioanalytical testing, and the their elbows brushed, by accident, because they’d drifted together again.

192 | Solstice Thirteen | 197

 Granger had settled the bill with Muggle money. She was rising from her chair. clinical trials themselves. And the financial outlay to meet every requirement of the
Draco rose with her. “Just thinking about tomorrow.” GCP, the GMP, the GLP, the MHRA, and the EMA is eye- watering.”
But really, he was thinking about a distant yesterday, when this witch had been Draco, whose eyes had largely glazed over, said, “Oh.”
mutilated in the halls of his home. And she still bore the scar, and she hid it, from Granger shifted in her seat in a discontented sort of way. “My project involves
him, and from everyone, but it was still there. A daily reminder for her, of cruelty complex biologics that are commercially unattractive and nigh incomprehensible to
and sick hate. Of how close she’d come to death. Of how near their world had come the monumentally idiotic wizards who hold the national purse strings for magical
to a point of no return. research. So I am very much on my own. On my own and, frankly, at rather an
He wished to say something to her -- words of sorrow, or of apology -- but such embryonic stage. I’m still doing in vitro research, trying to confirm that my target
words did not come easily to him, and he couldn’t see such a conversation go can actually be affected by an exogenous compound in the first place. Money
anywhere but difficult, awkward places. doesn’t solve all problems, unfortunately.”
As they weaved their way through tables back off the wharf, Draco concluded The waiter returned to take their dessert orders. Granger flinched out an
that this was not quite the moment. But, watching the blur of the glamour brush apology, having forgotten to even look at the menu, and made a haphazard
against her skirts as she walked, he determined that there would be A Moment, and selection of crème caramel.
he would find the words. Not tonight, but some night. Meanwhile, Draco was struggling to understand the paradoxical phenomenon
The sun was finally setting, languidly, lazily, on this gorgeous evening, Midsummer that was Granger. She could have been wealthy -- extravagantly so. And yet, she
less a day. chose to fund her research instead of enjoying a life of leisure. She worked
Granger was looking wistfully along the rocky beach. “There’s meant to be a approximately twelve jobs. She could’ve had her own country house, but she lived
marker along there, where the Magdalene would’ve first set foot in France.” in a cramped cottage in the outskirts of Cambridge. She could have a full staff of
“I suppose that was on your itinerary?” house-elves, but she only had a cat and a grim tin of tuna in her cupboards.
“It was, but I ran out of time.” It made no sense. And yet, as Draco considered what he knew of the witch in
“Let’s go,” said Draco. front of him, it sort of did. She was too driven for a life of leisure. Too grounded for
Granger looked at him in surprise. “You’d come?” the extravagance of large homes and house-elves. Too much of a Do-Gooder to do
Draco gave her his most nonchalant shrug. “I fancy a walk.” anything but Good with that money. It was all terribly laudable. Dreadful, really.
Granger’s surprise turned to a prudent kind of delight. “All right, it’s about a Granger cleared her throat. Draco realised that he’d been staring at her, and that
fifteen minute ramble, that way. So the guidebook said, anyway.” the waiter was staring at him.
They clambered and slid down large boulders to the rocky beach, where they “Monsieur’s dessert selection?”
found a kind of coastal path. Granger led Draco along, pointing out features of “What she’s having,” said Draco.
geological or historical interest as they went. The views became progressively more “Une crème caramel pour Monsieur Crotch,” said the waiter, inscribing this
dramatic as they left the shallow bay that the hotel was nestled in and made their precious information upon his notepad with care.
way around the headland. Granger touched eyes with Draco. She held a hand to her mouth.
The tide began to come in. Draco rolled up his trousers and his shirtsleeves The waiter left.
(ensuring, on the latter point, that his own glamour was in place), then tied his Granger squeaked out a giggle, struggled to control it, took a large breath, and
shoes together, and slung them over his shoulder. Granger carried her sandals was still. “Hormone,” said Draco.
hooked through her fingers. They splashed through salty rock pools, as warm as Granger collapsed into a fit of uncontrollable giggling.
“I told you not to do that,” she gasped, coming back up for air.

196 | Solstice Thirteen | 193

 “There is something gratifying about making you utterly lose it.” “Being indecent with the spoon.”
Granger sniffed and dabbed at her lashes with a napkin. “It’s a rare sight, I hope “I am using the spoon. Anything else is a figment of your imagination.”
you’re appreciating it.” Granger narrowed her eyes at him. Draco took another slow bite, maintaining
“I am,” said Draco. an obnoxious level of eye contact. Granger looked away.
And he was. Granger’s dark eyes were bright with laughter. Her cheeks were “Now you aren’t eating yours,” pointed out Draco.
flushed, her lips were reddened by wine. Her hair in its loose plait snaked down to “I’ve quite lost my appetite, watching you snog the cutlery,” sniffed Granger.
her waist, a dark line against her white sundress. Her legs were curled under her; she “You aren’t going to finish?”
looked dainty and fragile, and small enough to fit perfectly into a man's lap, if a man “No. Do you want it?”
were thinking about such things. (Draco certainly wasn't.) “I’d rather you choke it down and have strength for the monastery. If the nuns
And the candlelight loved her. It kissed at her forehead and flickered warm get shirty, tomorrow could be rather strenuous, magically speaking.”
touches across her collarbone. It danced in her eyes. Granger finished her crème caramel doggedly, if not with enthusiasm.
The effect was enchanting. Draco found himself observing her now with a critical eye. When he had first
Draco sank, unaware, into a state of soft fascination. met her, in long-ago January, he had been struck by the exhausted thinness that had
An accordionist began to play, somewhere near the hotel, filling the air with made her face severe and gaunt. It seemed to him that she had a slightly healthier
romance. “Monsieur, your crème caramel.” mien, now -- but only slightly. She was a little less bony, a little rosier in the cheeks.
The return to reality was jarring. Granger gestured to the waiter for the bill. “L’addition, s’il vous plaît.”
“Merci,” said Draco, instead of sod the fucking crème caramel. Her raised arm made Draco realise that her dress had left her arms bare,
Granger was eating her dessert, blissfully unaware of Draco’s reverie, thank the something that Granger’s choice of attire normally trended against. And now,
gods. He decided to blame the wine for making him such a daft, moon-eyed cretin precisely because it was trying not to catch his attention, her left forearm caught his
tonight. That and too few recent shags, clearly, if he was going to faff off and attention -- there was a Notice-Me-Not charm there.
daydream about Granger, of all of the witches in his life. He deliberately looked at the table next door, allowing Granger and her arm to
It would help if she didn’t look like a lovely Grecian dryad tonight, about to join slip into his peripheral vision. There: a blur across the skin of her inner arm.
Artemis’ retinue. Since when was Granger beautiful? He realised what the glamour was covering with a sickening plummeting
What an aggravating development. sensation in his stomach. A vivid memory returned, of Bellatrix’s handiwork, stark
“Are you all right?” asked Granger. against Granger’s skin. Of Granger, limp and wrought-out, lying like a dead thing
“Why?” asked Draco, injecting some irritation into the syllable, to sound on the drawing room floor. Of the blood oozing out of the fresh-carved letters.
Absolutely Normal. Draco had never used the word Mudblood again, after that.
“You’ve hardly touched your dessert,” said Granger, gesturing to Draco’s crème Now there was something terribly sorrowful in Granger’s habit of wearing long
caramel with her spoon. “Rather uncharacteristic.” sleeves. In the discreet glamour that she’d cast to be able to wear a pretty dress.
There were other things going on that were rather uncharacteristic, but if that Draco hid his own inner arm shame from the world, but he would’ve thought that
was the only one that the Brain was catching on to, that was fine by Draco. Granger, of all people, would’ve been able to heal hers away. Clearly, she still bore
“I’m savouring it,” said Draco. He took a slow bite to demonstrate. the mark of Bellatrix’s knife.
Granger’s eyebrow twitched. “Stop that.” “Malfoy?”
“Stop what?” asked Draco. Draco blinked. “Hm?”
“You’ve gone quiet.”

194 | Solstice Thirteen | 195

 “My emotions?!” blazed Granger. “You’re the one who worked himself up into a “These fucking nuns,” he muttered as he steered them with utmost delicacy over
lather over McLaggen!” the five metre long patch of suffering.
“You’re the one who spectacularly bollocksed my stakeout with your shrieking!” Granger was focused on strangling the broom with her hands and her legs.
“If you had kept your word, none of this would have happened!” They passed the ruddy patch. Draco lowered them to dismount. Something
“I didn’t even do anything -- the man fell off his broom like the hollow-headed gold was glittering at the end of the passage: it looked like the reliquary that Granger
cretin he is!” “I don’t believe you for an instant!” had described to him. Fucking finally.
“Believe whatever you want!” “Wait!” hissed Granger. “Look!”
“I will -- you’re an opportunistic ghoul!” Above them, and visible only thanks to Granger’s circle of blue flame, a rune was
“You’re a quarrelsome bloody shrew!” carved into the ceiling.
“I can’t stand you!” “I can’t stand you!” Draco pulled the broom back up into a hover. “What is it?”
Then they stood, tempers ablaze, lips parted, breaths coming quickly, and waited “Ethos?” said Granger, tilting her head and talking to herself. “Raidhu? But why
for the other to spit out a retort, so they might continue tearing off each other’s heads. is it...? Oh! But I didn’t know you could do that? What?! This usage isn’t in any of
Somehow, in the process of their screaming match and finger jabbing, they had come the Syllabaries... ”
to stand close together. Granger was on the doorstop, so that, for once, her height “What the bloody hell is it?” repeated Draco.
almost matched Draco's. He felt her breath flutter against his chin. “I think -- based on an extremely preliminary analysis -- it’s -- I suppose you could
Her anger made her glow; her gaze was afire with the heat of her conviction; her call it a Rune of Inverted Ethics?”
cheeks were flushed. She wanted to throttle him as much as he wanted to throttle her. “Inverted... Ethics?” repeated Draco. He had expected something rather more
And there was a moment of madness, where the fulcrum between rage and passion lethal. Inverted Entrails, perhaps.
wavered and tilted, and he could’ve throttled her, or he could’ve crushed his mouth “It would reverse whatever your normal moral standpoint would be,”
against hers, hard, to do something with the intensity of the feeling; to shut her up; to continued Granger. “I think. It would flip your intentions.”
prove a point. “So you’d come off the Torture Carpet hating the nuns, and wanting to kill
The mad possibility was contagious -- her eyes flitted to his mouth. Then she them all and destroy the whole place, and then you’d be hit by that and...”
blinked and, like a thing awakening from a trance, looked distantly shocked. “Love them, want to help them, and not do the naughty things you had set out
Realising that he was still gripping at her hand, Draco released it, and took a large to do, yes,” said Granger. “Brilliant idea, to put it last. Let me take care of this one.
step back. Granger, too, took a large step away, and looked like she’d rather toddle back Can you fly us up closer?”
to the crypt and throw herself onto the Crucio carpet than be there. Her blush carried Draco moved the broom up and held it as steadily as possible as Granger drew
up from her cheeks to across the bridge of her nose. out the counter runes. This exercise took what felt like an eternity. Draco kept
Draco, feeling utterly thrown off-kilter by the Moment, cleared his throat, cast casting detection spells behind them, aware, now, that there would almost certainly
about for a thing to say (nothing was forthcoming), and then said he’d best be off, as it be a search on for the Bumbling Muggles.
was getting dark. He fancied that he heard voices.
Granger looked anywhere but at him and said, “Right.” The ceiling crackled and the rune disintegrated into dust. “Sorted,” said
Mutually satisfied with this mature, robust conclusion to their quarrel, they Granger.
stepped apart even further, and Granger made as though to shut the door. “Finally.”
There was a long, sustained meow from somewhere in the garden. In the shadows,
an orangey blotch advanced towards them.

248 | The Dinner Fourteen | 213

 They dismounted from the broom. Draco took point again, so aggravated at the
delays that he’d half a mind to reactivate all the wards and drag the nuns through Granger had a grievance to air. This development was heralded by her silvery otter,
the bloody labyrinth, to get a taste of their own medicine. which found Draco the next evening. The timing was hideous; Draco was on a
At last, they came upon the Magdalene’s reliquary. sensitive stakeout in Fowlmere, about to apprehend the notorious Thomas Talfryn.
The entire thing looked to be made of pure gold. It shimmered in the darkness, “You! You promised you wouldn’t do anything!” shrieked Granger’s otter into
save for the Draco’s face. “You are the worst!”
Magdalene’s skull, which jutted out blackly. Heaped on either side was more The shrill sound of Granger’s voice echoed through the alley where Draco had
gold -- crucifixes, goblets, statuettes, and coffers overflowing with coin. been hidden.
Draco detected no further malicious spells, so they approached. Talfryn, who had been smoking in a doorway, just out of Stunning range, started --
An inscription glittered below the reliquary. and Disapparated.
“Noli me tangere,” read Draco. “Touch me not. Well, that’s excellent.” “Fucking fuck!” hissed Draco.
“We are only going to tangere her a little bit,” said Granger, biting her lip. The otter, having conveyed its message, disappeared.
“What’s that flask beside her?” With a snarl, Draco pulled out Granger’s schedule. She was home. Which was
“The Sainte Ampoule. Alleged to contain earth, soaked in Christ’s blood, perfect, because he was going to murder her.
collected by the Magdalene from under the cross.” He Apparated to her cottage in an exceedingly foul mood. He swept her wards
Draco let out a whistle as they approached the reliquary. “This lot’s got to be aside and stormed up the path to her front door, which he proceeded to hammer.
worth a few Knuts.” Granger flung open the door with a vehemence that suggested that she, too, was
A hoarse voice spoke in French. “A few? Cheeky little bugger.” on the warpath.
Draco and Granger both jumped out of their skin. Hominem Revelios “You’re a bloody idiot,” said Draco, by way of greeting.
ricocheted against the walls as they cast them, to absolutely no avail. Draco flung a “Me?” said Granger. She was wild about the eyes. “Me?! You’re the idiot! You
Protego around Granger. weren’t to touch McLaggen!”
The voice spoke again: “My only visitors in centuries, so, of course, they are “You just ruined my best chance to catch bloody Talfryn with your stupid otter!”
irredeemably stupid.” “You sent McLaggen to A&E!”
“Oh my god,” gasped Granger, “It’s the skull.” “I’ve been pursuing Talfryn for three fucking months!” snarled Draco.
Draco stared at it. “Guess who was on shift at A&E last night?!” screeched Granger.
“Hello,” ground out the skull to Draco. “You’re pretty.” “Talfryn has charges against him longer than my arm! Beast-baiting! Forgery!
“Merlin’s tits,” said Draco. Blood sports! Racketeering! Cruelty to Magical Creatures! Extortion!--”
“I like you.” The skull grinned in his direction. “Give us a kiss.” “I had to take care of that troglodyte for four fucking hours! You broke all of his
limbs!” “--Fraud! Assault! Smuggling! And you utterly bodged it! Now he’s gone
again!”
“McLaggen lived his every bloody hot nurse fantasy last night, thanks to you!” said
Granger, jabbing her finger in Draco’s chest.
Draco snatched her hand and pulled it down. “If you could keep your fucking
emotions under control, I’d have my man in shackles! But no! You had to send your
rabid otter!”

214 | Get thee to a nunnery Seventeen | 247

 17 15
The Dinner: Noli Me Tangere
Draco almost causes the next
murder sensation
D
raco had experienced a great many strange and wonderful things in his
life, but being chatted up by the skull of a long-dead saint certainly
ranked amongst the most bizarre.

T
o Draco’s devious pleasure, McLaggen took him up on the invitation to pop “Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t shriek to the good Sisters about
by the pitch a few weeks later. intruders,” said the skull.
An unfortunate sequence of events occurred, which had positively, “I shall blast you into bits if you try,” said Draco. “Promises, promises,” said the
absolutely nothing to do with Draco -- wet conditions, terribly aggressive Bludgers, skull.
temperamental brooms -- that resulted in McLaggen taking a tumble off his broom “Please -- are you the Magdalene?” asked Granger, her shock now making way for
from 30 metres up. wide-eyed curiosity.
“I say,” said Davies, watching McLaggen being carted off the pitch by mediwitches. “An echo of she who was once known by that name,” said the skull. “A ghost?
“That Bludger had it in for the bloke.” Spirit?”
“I didn’t even hit it that hard,” said Zabini. “There are many States of Being.”
“Poor old egg,” said Draco. “First time back on the broom in a while, as I Draco elbowed Granger. “Not the time.”
understand it.” “Right, let’s rather discuss what a pretty lad like you is doing in a place like this.”
“Perhaps Bludgers can smell fear,” suggested Zabini. “I’m up to no good,” said Draco. “Obviously.”
“Hope it doesn’t put him off the sport,” said Davies. “We need a decent Keeper. “Ooo la la, a bad boy,” said the skull.
Bickford’s moving to Spain.” Granger was fixed in a state of utter entrancement at the skull. Draco elbowed her
The general mood was a little subdued after the accident. The players decided to again. “Do what you came here to do. We need to leave.”
call it quits for the night, said their goodbyes, and Disapparated off to shower. Granger seemed to come to. “Right -- I have to -- but--”
All except for Draco, who found, to the contrary, that the accident had had a There were voices coming down the passageway. “We’ve got company,” cut in
stimulating effect on his morale. He left the pitch feeling quite invigorated. Draco. “Set off your charges.”

246 | The Dinner Fifteen | 215

 Granger raised her wand and muttered harsh words of ancient runic. Draco felt “Fine. I promise.”
gooseflesh rise on his arms as her magic washed out of her. Five brilliant sparks burst “I wish I believed you.”
out of her wand and whizzed down the passage to detonate their counterparts. “I wish you did, too.”
There was a moment of pure, perfect silence. Granger massaged her temples. “All right. I will take you at your word. I have no
Then the crypt, the passageways, and the grotto, were rocked by explosions. other choice.” Draco did not bother to point out the severity of this mistake.
Screams echoed distantly. A fine dusting of stone coated Draco, Granger, and the Now Granger stepped to the conference room door and poked her head out. “I think
Magdalene’s reliquary. the coast is clear.”
From the passageway, there came no further sounds. Draco joined her at the door to ascertain the same. “Right. Notice-Me-Nots, this
Granger had her hands on her knees, breathless from the magical exertion. “What time, and a brisk pace.”
have you done?” asked the skull. Thus equipped, they traversed the busy foyer, and made it to the hearth without
“Bought time,” said Granger. further interruption.
“Do the thing,” said Draco, standing guard at the passage. “Quickly!” “The Mitre,” said Granger, tossing in Floo powder.
Granger was agitated. “But it’s sentient! It wasn’t meant to be sentient!” “Sentient The flames turned green and awaited Granger’s approach. Granger looked over
is a rather optimistic term,” said the skull. her shoulder towards Draco, a new hesitancy in her expression.
“But you can perceive!” said Granger. “I can’t just -- just—” “Poor darling. Be brave,” said Draco in mock encouragement.
“Just what, precisely?” Granger straightened. “I was going to say thank you, for today, but never mind.”
“I need a little piece of you,” said Granger. “Only doing my job,” said Draco, with as much devil-may-care insouciance as he
“Tch. You and the rest of the world. Bits of me have been stolen over centuries and could inject into it, as though today hadn’t been a Wickedly Dangerous Ordeal.
centuries, you know.” “Right. But perhaps a bit above and beyond.”
“Get a bloody move on!” said Draco. “Nonsense.”
Granger slipped a rather wicked looking osteotome out of her pocket. Granger sighed. “All right. Goodbye, then.”
“Yes. My jaw lived in Rome for 700 years; we have only just been reunited.” “Granger.”
“H-have you?” “What?”
“In 1295. Thanks to Pope Boniface the Eighth, bless his pointy head.” “Tell your cat I said pspsps.”
Granger was now edging towards the skull. “I er -- I see that your occipital bone is Her smile was brightness. She turned and disappeared into the fire. And, briefly, it
cracked. D’you mind if I tidy it up a bit?” felt like there was less gravity in the room.
Draco rolled his eyes heavenward. Granger was trying to get consent from the
bloody skull. “Noli me tangere,” said the skull.
Granger, the osteotome in one hand and her wand in the other, said “I’m sorry
about this.” She Vanished the reliquary’s glass away. “So sorry -- but it’s for a good
cause, I promise...”
“Noli me tangere,” repeated the skull as Granger’s hand approached. “You will
regret it.” Something in the skull’s tone made Draco turn.

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 Granger raised her eyes to the dark ceiling. “You’re acting like McLaggen is going to He reached out and grabbed Granger’s arm, just in time to join her as the skull -- a
tear me limb from limb.” bloody fucking Portkey -- transported them out.
“Were you in his head?”
“No.”
“Then I’ll decide what he’s likely to do,” said Draco, tapping at his own chest with They materialised in a dungeon, ten metres above the floor, and began to plummet
unnecessary force. downwards. As though in slow motion, both of them swiveled to see a ruddy
Granger studied him. Then, warily, she asked, “Did you see him want to tear me limb shimmer across the stone floor below: Spiritual Sanctification.
from limb?” “No,” conceded Draco. “But you’ve maddened him for years.” Their saving grace, as they fell, was that they both had their wands out. Granger
“I know.” flung a Wingardium Leviosa at Draco just as he cast the same at her, and then they
The quarrel was blowing itself out. Granger’s hands were now hooked onto the hovered, utterly at the mercy of the other’s willpower, inches over the Torment.
back of a chair, rather than balled at her hips, and Draco had stopped looking Granger was doing a decent job at holding his ‘great bloody body’ aloft, but there
murderously in the direction of the foyer. was something febrile in her magic; she wouldn’t be able to hold him for long. Draco
“Are there any other randy suitors that I need to be aware of?” asked Draco after a himself was beginning to feel lightheaded: the day’s magical output was catching up to
beat. him, and even keeping Granger’s lithe figure afloat was taxing.
Granger put a fingertip on her lip and thought. At length, she said, “Not to “Broom!” gasped Draco.
McLaggen’s extent.” Granger tossed the skull to Draco, who caught it like a bony kind of Quaffle. She
“That doesn’t inspire confidence.” pulled out the broom. In a feat of awkward, floaty acrobatics, she got a leg over it.
Granger tossed her head. “What can I say; I’m magnetic. I can’t even walk across a Then, under her unpractised hands, it moved towards Draco in whippy, uncertain
room without wizards falling into my lap.” jerks. When Granger got close enough, he pulled the tail-end to him, and collapsed
Draco recognised an echo of some of his own claims during their dance at the onto it behind her.
Delacroix party -- at this very hotel, in fact. It was the exaggerated accent that got to “Fuck!” puffed Granger, utterly winded.
him. “I do not sound that posh, Granger.” Draco was fuming. “These bloody, gods-damned nuns!”
“Oh yes, you do. You sound like you’re about to go to the opera after a day of “Oh my,” said the skull as he passed it back to Granger. “This hasn’t happened
shooting innocent wildlife. Partridges, probably.” since the Dark Ages. What a thrill!”
“I rather thought you were going to say orphans.” Draco floated the broom up and down the narrow dungeon, his wand aloft,
“You are terrible, but not that terrible. Now, promise me you won’t go and do looking for a way out.
something stupid about McLaggen.” “This stone must be metres and metres thick,” said Granger, casting bursts of
“I promise I shan’t do anything stupid about McLaggen,” said Draco, truthfully. Transfiguration spells at the wall as Draco glided them past. “I can’t do a thing past the
Granger’s eyes narrowed at him in the shadowy room, and she wisely rephrased her inside layer.”
demand. “Promise you won’t do anything about McLaggen, full stop.” “We could try to brute force a few Bombardas,” said Draco. “But that would drain
“No,” said Draco. us both -- and who knows what’s on the other side.”
“Please.” “Oh, about fifty enraged Sisters,” replied the skull. “They’ll have sounded the
“No.” alarm by now and all flown back up from the Solstice do. Oooh, I hope you don’t
“Malfoy.” meet the Prioress, my dear, she would leave your pretty face quite unrecognisable.”

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 “There’s got to be an entrance -- how else do they fetch the prisoners?” Draco Granger refused to be distracted. “What happened?”
redoubled his searching. “We need to find it -- that’ll be the weak spot.” “How long are you going to let McLaggen terrorise you before you curse off his
“I wager there isn’t one. They probably lift the Anti-Apparition Ward and pop in balls?”
to pick the tortured corpses off the Crucio Carpet,” mulled Granger darkly. “I knew it,” said Granger in a shrill mix of triumph and annoyance. “You used
“Clever thing,” said the skull. Legilimency on him. You can’t do that.”
“Quiet, you -- it’s your fault we’re here.” “I can and I did.”
“I tried to warn you,” said the skull. “Don’t you speak Latin?” “Those are private matters. They have nothing to do with you.”
Granger was now grasping at her person. “I have a million things in my pockets -- “He’s a danger to you.”
but what do I do with them? Do we lay traps? Do we make explosives? They could let “What exactly did you see?”
us rot in here for years before they come and fetch us. I have enough food for -- er -- “Enough to decide that he’s a threat.”
months, maybe? How will we sleep over the Torment? I could make us hammocks?” “A threat?” repeated Granger. “He’s just a handsy idiot. I can, and always have,
In the course of her hand-wavy blathering, Granger inadvertently presented A handled him, in the way I deem most appropriate. If I thought hexing off his balls was
Solution. Draco seized her by the wrist. In their shared wand-light, her ring the correct approach, I assure you that I would’ve done so.”
glimmered. “Why haven’t you?”
Granger followed his line of sight. “But -- you said you didn’t finish the Portkey.” “Because there are larger things at play.”
“I didn’t.” “What larger things?” asked Draco. "And don't say his penis."
“So -- so what are you thinking?” “Disgusting. No. He’s on the MNHS Foundation Trust and on St. Mungo’s
Draco rapped his fingers against Granger’s wrist. “I don’t know. A possibility. I Board of Directors. Even reporting him would have repercussions I need to balance
couldn’t fix the final destination to a desired location. The Arithmancy is all correct, carefully -- much less a direct attack on his genitalia.”
there’s just a stupid hiccough in the tail end I haven’t worked out.” “He’s one Firewhisky away from cornering you in a toilet and Stunning you,” said
Granger was now getting excited. She twisted towards him on the broom. “So Draco.
you’re saying it works, but we haven't any idea where we’ll end up?” Granger made a gesture of flat dismissal. “He would never cross that line. He’s not
“Yes.” that stupid. He toes it -- that’s all. Stop looking like that, like you’re about to go duel
Granger held out her hand to him. “Activate it.” him in the foyer.”
“You don’t understand. I have no bloody clue where we’ll end up,” repeated Draco scoffed. “He isn’t worthy of a duel; I’d happily curse him in the back.”
Draco. “It might be the bowels of the earth. It might be the inside of a volcano, or the “No cursing. No nothing. None of this has anything to do with you. You
depths of Atlantis. We could die the moment we arrive -- crushed, or burned, or shouldn’t have seen any of it.”
asphyxiated.” “Nothing to do with me?!” repeated Draco with fresh pique. “I’ve been mandated
Granger searched his eyes, looking as flummoxed as he felt. “Fifty angry nuns to keep you safe. That is literally why I am here, right now, dressed like a Victorian
descending upon us in holy wrath, or asphyxiation?” barrister, after a day of frolicking about labyrinths!”
Draco ran a hand down his face. “Fuck me. How the fuck did we get here?” “To keep me safe in the scope of my activities as a researcher -- not my personal
“Ooh, do the Portkey, do the Portkey!” said the skull. “I want to see the world!” life!”
“You choose,” said Draco to Granger, ignoring the skull. “This may shock you, but if you’re injured or incapacitated in your personal life,
Granger turned away from him on the broom and thought. there would be a definite impact on your ability to research. Or do you disagree?”

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her. McLaggen was certain that Draco had been snogging someone, and almost “You’re doing a SWOT analysis,” said Draco, watching the twitch of her fingers.
certain that it had been Granger. Only the formal robes had thrown him off -- that “Shh.”
and the fact that she’d been with Draco Malfoy, of all people. The cognitive “What’s a swot analysis?” asked the skull.
dissonance of the latter point rang throughout the memory. “What she does best,” said Draco. (It was a good thing that Granger wasn’t
Then Draco found associated memories: Granger speaking at the Ministry a year listening; unasked-for fondness had slipped into the statement. Eurgh.)
or two ago and then fleeing from McLaggen’s amorous attentions; Granger giving Granger came out of her process looking determined. She twisted back towards
McLaggen flustered excuses to avoid a dinner date as he grasped at her hand; Granger Draco on the broom. “Portkey. Wands out, ready to Disapparate the moment we
at a pub with her friends, cornered by McLaggen near the loo and fending off his materialise in the Other Place. Even in the most hostile environment, whatever
drunken kiss, something like fear in her eyes. Every memory was tinged by damage we sustain in that split second should be Healable.”
McLaggen’s mounting frustration, longing, and a chilling ongoing obsession with “Even lava? We’re taking a big bloody risk.”
Granger. “We have the skull. And I have lives to change for the better. Let’s check the stupid
Draco fought a very real urge to break McLaggen’s handsome jaw. thing for tracking spells; we don’t need the Sisterhood following us to wherever we
Any further delving into the wizard’s memories would bear the risk of discovery. end up.”
Draco retreated from his mind and seamlessly rejoined the conversation with a snide The skull was subjected to diagnostic spells from both Granger and Draco.
remark on the performance of the Kestrels’ Chasers. Meanwhile, he added McLaggen Neither of them was gentle about it, but the skull seemed to have little feeling.
to his blacklist. “That tickles,” said the skull as it was suspended between the two of them and
They said their goodbyes. Draco grinned as he shook McLaggen’s hand. “Enjoy sprayed with spells.
your dinner. See you at the pitch, I very much hope.” “It’s clean,” said Draco at length. “Only echoes of the Portus.”
Derrick and McLaggen left. Draco stalked off in search of Granger. “Which was a brilliant idea. A single non-malicious spell at the very end. Right into
“Here,” hissed a familiar whisper as Draco passed the lifts. a dungeon. Bloody nuns.”
Granger’s voice led to a sort of conference room, just off the corridor. It was dark. “All right,” said Draco. “Let’s go. But first, I want to leave a few thank-yous for the
“Is he gone?” asked Granger. Benedictine Sisters of the Sacred Bollocks.”
“Soon,” said Draco. “Their reservation is at half-past. Where are you?” “Ooh, naughty,” said the skull as Draco tucked a few maledictions, curses and
“Here.” Granger undid her Disillusionment. “Why do you look so murderous?” other devilry into the stonework.
“What? This is my usual face.” Sod his fatigue. He needed vengeance.
“No: your eyes are flashing.” “Ready?” asked Draco, his wand-tip at Granger’s ring, prepared to activate the
“We had an argument about Quidditch.” Portkey. Granger met his eyes and nodded. She was on edge, but she wasn’t afraid.
Granger’s dark gaze studied Draco in the penumbra. She had a hand on her hip. Brave fucking witch.
“Quidditch.” “Portus,” said Draco.
“Yes.”
So focused was Granger’s study of his eyes that Draco reflexively Occluded, even if
Granger wasn’t a Legilimens. The Portkey sucked them through the Anti-Apparition Ward in a prolonged,
Granger saw the change and her focus grew even more acute. “You’re lying.” sickening drag. Draco wasn’t sure what he was gripping harder: his wand, Granger’s
“Let’s go to the Floo.” waist, or the broom between his legs.

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 They materialised about sixty metres above the ground -- thank the gods for the you still play Quidditch? You must join us at the pitch. Peregrine comes on occasion,
broom -- above a strange, surreal scene. They were flying above a cluster of boats, still a decent beater, though the swing’s less powerful than it used to be -- a touch of
grouped about as though moored at a marina -- but there was no water. As far as arthritis in his shoulder, I fancy, poor blighter. Do join us. Wednesday nights at the
Draco’s eye could see, dunes undulated, on and on into the horizon. Manor. We’ve only had one death in five years. It’s all in good fun, really...”
Granger’s head swivelled about too, observing the place, her curiosity overrunning McLaggen had grown into a tall chap, as tall as Draco, and quite handsome, so
her fear of flight. A wisp of smoke emanated from her ring -- the last of the imperfect Draco decided immediately that he didn’t like him.
Portus fizzling out of existence. The man looked frightfully confused at Draco’s effusive greeting, which probably
Hot wind blew grit into their eyes and chapped their lips. ran contrary to Draco’s general reputation as an arsehole. By the time McLaggen had
“Of course we wouldn’t end up in, say, Kent,” said Draco. regained possession of his hand, however, Granger had disappeared.
“That would’ve been rather too convenient,” said Granger. “But I’ll take this over “Right,” said Draco, “I must be off.”
the centre of a volcano -- and we didn’t get Splinched by poorly executed Arithmancy. “Aren’t you dining, Malfoy?” asked Peregrine. A smirk played across his mouth.
Well done.” “Or did you have other business you were getting on with?”
Draco flew lower, casting detection spells towards the graveyard of ships. There “Other business?” repeated Draco with an innocent blink.
was no living thing within. “I could’ve sworn I’d seen Hermione with you,” said McLaggen, sidestepping
“I’m going to take us down. We need to rest -- we’re both bollocksed.” around Draco to look towards the lifts. “I’d know that witch anywhere.”
“Agreed.” “Hermione? Hermione Granger? With me?” said Draco, his eyebrows at his
They landed amongst the rusting hulls of the massive ships and found a spot in the hairline. McLaggen, still gazing longingly beyond Draco’s shoulder, did a kind of
shade of a smaller one. double-take towards him.
Granger tumbled off the broom in that ungainly way of hers, stayed on all fours “Oh -- er -- well, I suppose I might’ve been seeing things.”
on the ground for a long moment, and then regained her feet. Peregrine scoffed. “They’d sooner kill each other than talk, I’d wager.”
She groped about her pocket until she found her Muggle device, which she pulled McLaggen’s gaze slid to Draco’s half-unbuttoned robes, and then to his crooked
out in triumph. However, the triumph was short-lived. Granger paced, held the collar, which looked rather like a lady had gripped it in the last five minutes. “I
mobile up high, held it low, pressed a few buttons -- but whatever it was meant to do, suppose,” he said, but there was doubt in his voice.
it wasn’t doing. Draco decided that a spot of Legilimency was in order, to quantify that doubt.
“No service,” sighed Granger. “We’re out of range of Muggle telecommunications. And besides, Granger had felt unsafe and fled from this man, and given that his
I’d have liked to know where we are.” Principal had felt threatened, Draco was well within his rights to investigate.
“A great bloody desert like this? Somewhere in Africa would be my guess.” This sound reasoning completed, Draco touched at McLaggen’s mind to see if this
“That was mine, too,” said Granger. “There’s a place called the Skeleton Coast in wanker had the slightest training in Occlumency. He did not.
Namibia, famous for shipwrecks amongst the dunes. But that theory is buggered by Draco made a few remarks on the recent win of the Kestrels over the Cannons.
the rather conspicuous absence of the sea. Perhaps the boats will give us a clue.” When both of his interlocutors were occupied with the subject, he had a look at
She walked, speculative, towards the prow of the ship that they were sheltering McLaggen’s brains, such as they were.
under. Faded characters were scattered about that would’ve once spelled the vessel’s He kept his examination at surface-level, flicking through the man’s most recent
name. thoughts. He saw himself as McLaggen had seen him across the foyer, pressed against
Granger’s hands found her hips. “Cyrillic?” the figure of a woman in navy robes, with dark hair piled onto her head. Then he saw
“...Are you suggesting we’re in Russia?” the woman’s back as she slipped towards the lift, undone ribbons streaming behind

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 The Seneca’s foyer was irritatingly busy. Draco, doing mental arithmetic involving “I’ve no idea,” said Granger, sounding, for once in her life, utterly bewildered.
two sunsets, realised that it was only Saturday night in London. The crowds made They set aside the mysteries of their present circumstances to replenish their
more sense, then; the Seneca’s dining rooms were the place to be for a certain slice of strength. Draco was keen on a rest -- he had a nagging worry that the nuns would
London’s wizarding set. somehow find them, and he was presently too magically fatigued to take on fifty of
The Floo hearth was just across the foyer, crackling cheerfully at them as they exited them in a firefight.
the lift. Granger’s stride lengthened. “We can finally put this surreal day behind us--” “Where’s the skull?” he asked, all of a sudden, as the last ten minutes had been free
Then she stopped, and grasped Draco’s arm in her pinchy grasp, and whipped him of its croaky remarks.
towards her. “What--” “In my pocket,” said Granger. “With a Muffliato around her temporal bones. I’m
“Shush,” said Granger, flattening herself against the wall and manoeuvering Draco tired of her running commentary.”
to stand in front of her. “Stand there.” “Good shout. D’you have anything to eat in that pocket?”
“What are we--” “Obviously.”
“Be big. Why are you always large and in the way, except when I need you to be?” Bits of rusted-out boat were minimally Transfigured into a makeshift low table
asked Granger in a peevish whisper. “Shield me.” and stools. Draco noted that none of Granger’s usual flourishes -- or concern for
“From who?” asked Draco, dearly wishing to turn around and assess the Secret accuracy -- were on display. The stools peeled old marine paint upon their bottoms;
Assassin, and perhaps murder him in cold blood. the table threatened a side of tetanus with their dinner. Granger was tired.
“Cormac.” “McLaggen?” And yet, she still managed to surprise him. Fishing things out of her Extended
“How many other bloody Cormacs do you know?” asked Granger. She raised her pocket, she placed the makings of a real meal upon the table. A baguette, pâté, and
hands to Draco’s robes and pulled up his collar, as though the flaps would afford her various cheeses were laid out. Then came an assortment of charcuterie, some
more privacy. cornichons, and olives. A container of spiced aubergine salad followed.
“What’s he done?” She surveyed the table. “What am I missing? Oh! The drinks.”
“Oh, he’s only been infatuated with me for years. Tenacious kind of man. Sticky. Bottled water (“Grossly overpriced”) and a bottle of white wine (“No idea if it’s
Viscous, really. Stay there, his group is about to go into the dining rooms. No -- wait -- good; the bottle was pretty”) followed.
they’re still talking. I’m going to cast a Notice-Me-Not. Oh no -- Derrick’s just spotted Granger passed Draco the wine. “Would you chill this? We might as well do the
you, I think. It’s your stupid hair. Like a beacon across the bloody Pennines. No. thing properly.”
They’re coming this way. I was never here. Goodbye.” Draco passed several cooling charms over the bottle. “Right. I can at least feel as
With that, Granger slipped under Draco’s arm and attempted to dart back towards though I’ve contributed something to this repast.”
the lift, but it opened and a veritable flood of ladies and gentlemen ready for dinner It was nothing but a throwaway remark, but Granger took it seriously. She
poured out, and battered her to the side like a piece of flotsam. frowned at him. “Contributed something? Malfoy, today would’ve been impossible
Granger Disillusioned herself and asked why the lift was a bloody bollocksing without you. I would’ve taken a wrong turn at the first hallucinatory staircase and
clown car. ended up in an oubliette forever. And if I hadn’t, I’d be demonically possessed -- or
Draco, having gathered that his role was now to distract and deflect, turned around very dead. You knew the counter-spell to every sodding thing we encountered. You
and greeted the approaching Derrick with a handshake (“Peregrine, my little lamb curse-broke your way through a labyrinth that hasn’t been penetrated since the Dark
chop, how are you?”) and McLaggen with a very long double handshake: “Hello; I Ages. You half-arsed a Portus on this ring, and it bloody worked, and we’re here, and
don’t believe we’ve met, Draco Malfoy -- yes, I know I need no introduction -- are you alive, because of you. You were--”
here for dinner with this scoundrel? I believe I remember you from Hogwarts. Do

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 Here she paused, and searched for words, and seemed to grow self-conscious. “You It took about a quarter of an hour for the clothing to be sent up -- Draco supposed
were extraordinary,” she finished, quietly. She cleared her throat, avoided his eye, and that the unusual request must’ve sent the hotel’s house-elves all of a dither. Eventually,
busied herself with her wand. “I’ll conjure some glasses, shall I?” their dinner things faded off of the table, and two tidy packages surfaced.
As for Draco, he said nothing, because he was wrestling with a swell of pleasure at The staid establishment had sent up equally sedate attire. The clothes were in the
this slew of compliments, and amusement at Granger’s discomfiture, and what felt traditional style, with a great many buttons for Draco, and a great deal of lacing up for
like the warmth of a blush at his cheeks, only he didn’t blush, because he was Draco Granger.
Fucking Malfoy, so it was probably sunburn from this damned desert. “Well,” said Granger, eyeing her dark blue robes, “It’ll do to get me to the Floo,
“One last thing before we eat, if you don’t mind,” said Draco, opting to violently anyway.”
change the subject. “Look -- underthings,” said Draco, holding up a spectacularly unsexy pair of
Granger looked up. “What?” bloomers. “You can look like my great aunt Auriga.”
“Finite incantatem,” said Draco, pointing his wand at her. “Ugh -- no.”
Her hair, in a lank blonde ponytail, returned to its full, brown curls. Her eyes, Draco added the bloomers to the orphan burning pile.
growing dark and warm as the glamour faded, flashed her amusement at him. “Shall I Granger went into the bathroom to change, while Draco made relatively quick
do you?” work of his new attire, save for the buttons, which were too finicky for him to fasten
“Do.” using his wand. He did them halfway to his throat, and then decided that he didn’t
“Excellent. I’m tired of the merkin. Finite incantatem.” care enough to do them up further. They were only making themselves decent for a
Draco felt the quiver of her magic through his hair and the caress of it across his walk across the foyer to the Floo, after all.
eyes. It felt, perhaps, even more intimate than a touch would’ve been. Granger popped out of the bathroom with a similar problem, though hers
He ran a hand through his hair. “Less pubic wiggy?” consisted of ribbons and laces. “I see that these robes come with an assumption that
“Eh,” shrugged Granger, but she was holding back a smile. the wearer will have a lady-in-waiting. Would you help?”
“You can just say my hair is magnificent, you know,” said Draco. Draco, having no idea how to tie proper knots for a lady’s robe, opted to grasp a
“It’s adequate, for a wizard who just broke into a crypt and fled from nuns. Shall handful of the ribbons and shove them into the back of the dress. And he did not
we eat?” spend a moment thinking about how Granger was not wearing underthings, thank
They ate and drank and rested, and began to replenish their depleted magical you.
energies. Draco shared his shock that Granger was able to put together a meal not “That doesn’t feel quite right,” said Granger as the ribbons were stuffed in.
comprised of tuna and Cheesy Wotsits. Granger said that she had a packet of Cheesy “No. It’s utterly shambolic.”
Wotsits in her pocket, just for him, since they lingered so powerfully on his psyche. “The naughty bits are covered, that’s what matters.”
Draco asked if she had a few cat hairs too, to complete the experience. Granger said, of They stopped in front of the mirror for a look before they descended to the foyer.
course, and plucked two out of her pocket, and wafted them in Draco’s direction. Draco said that Granger looked terribly like a Pure-blood wife, off to drop off the
Draco said thank you, he felt quite at home now, and also, would there be Banoffee sprogs at King’s Cross, in 1961.
pie for dessert? Granger said that Draco looked like he’d just exited Scotland Yard in 1825. The
He’d half expected Granger to produce one, but she demurred: “The village's mirror chimed in to register its opinion that they were “An exceedingly handsome
shops didn’t carry those.” couple.”
Her dessert offerings were more of those marzipan-stuffed dates, dried figs, and Granger shuddered; Draco ran away.
apricots.

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then, finally, came night. Draco had a glimpse of an enchantress with a cascade of hair “You know,” said Draco as he chewed on a date, “We could ask the Magdalene if
tumbling down her back -- and then she twisted it up, and she was Granger again. she brought this recipe over, after all.”
Draco joined her at the window. “Rather fewer stars than with the ships.” “Oh!” gasped Granger. And then, after half a moment’s thought: “Let’s!”
“Rather,” said Granger, peering upwards. “Should anyone seek our counsel on The skull was summoned out of Granger’s pocket and the Muffliato was
where to build the next great wizarding observatory, we will have an answer.” dismissed.
“Does that happen to you frequently? Being asked where to build observatories?” “Hello, what’s this?” asked the skull, its shadowy eye-holes gazing at the ship’s hull.
“O, daily. Hourly, even. Doesn’t it happen to you?” “Are we at sea?”
“Of course. I field incessant enquiries as I care for the orphans.” “No,” said Granger. “But would you settle a line of enquiry for us? Did you bring
“Good of you.” the recipe for marzipan-stuffed dates to France from the Holy Land?”
“Noblesse oblige.” A date was held in front of the skull, for illustrative purposes.
Granger glanced up at him with a look that told him he was an absolute smart-arse. “What is that? A clam?”
Unless he was mistaken, there was a kind of latent fondness in it, though it was very, “Well, that’s settled, then,” said Granger, eating the date.
very deep down. “You have restored the honour of an entire nation,” said Draco to the skull.
She pulled her robe more tightly around herself. “D’you think that mirror would The skull’s attention turned to him. “O, it’s you. Do you know, I was just thinking
send up some clothing for us? I don’t fancy going to the foyer to Floo in this finery.” you’d look better as a blonde.”
“You're ready to face the Floo again so soon?” asked Draco. “Thank you,” said Draco.
He had been rather enjoying this interlude of peace and luxe decadence and -- well, He and Granger exchanged a look of realisation -- the skull had now seen them
nice company. It was the détente after an Adventure. If it was strictly up to him, he sans disguise.
would’ve planned untold hours of idleness in fluffy beds, and several more delectable “Can skulls be Obliviated?” asked Draco. “They’ve got no brain.”
meals, and visiting the spa, and perhaps a massage. He would’ve most certainly carried “We’ll have to try, now that she’s seen us,” said Granger, looking serious. “She has a
on until past Monday, with an explanation to Tonks that he and Granger were mind, anyway.”
Recovering from an Ordeal. The skull, who had been completing an assessment of Granger, said, “As for you,
Granger, however, did not seem to have even considered this delicious potential for you’re rather less corpsey than you were before.”
lazing about. Granger was not that sort of woman. Granger was the type to drag you “Bit rich, coming from you.”
on a violent adventure, reduce your brain to boiled mash through hours of curse- “I was a great beauty,” said the skull.
breaking, impose exhausting transcendental moments upon you under the stars, have “You still have gorgeous cheekbones,” said Draco.
you fly her across a desert, and then, over tea, expect you to form some some kind of The skull giggled -- a mildly disconcerting sound.
intelligent opinion on Soviet irrigation projects. Beastly. Draco noted that Granger had pulled her osteotome back out -- she was finally
“Am I ready? No. But I must get on. I have so much to do, now that I have the going to get that sample. She angled the skull towards Draco. He distracted it by
fragment. And Crooks will be waiting, you know.” flipping his hair and looking at it seductively.
Draco strode to the mirror to cover his mild disappointment. “Very well. Let’s Granger pressed the bevelled edge of her instrument along an already jagged part of
make arrangements for the clothes.” the skull. There was a dullish snap as a piece broke off, which she transferred to a test
The request for robes was made, for a tall wizard and a witch of the approximate tube.
height of a pixie. (Granger stuck her head into the bathroom and corrected this non- “What was that?” asked the skull. “Did you hear something?”
error.)

238 | The Seneca Fifteen | 223

 “No,” said Draco. someone of your calibre about. Especially today -- today would’ve been an absolute
Granger produced a sack, which she threw over the skull so that it would see them catastrophe, had I attempted it on my own.”
no longer. Then she pointed her wand at the bump in the bag. “Obliviate.” Draco supposed that he could inform her that she'd performed quite competently
The skull’s muffled and confused voice came through the sack. “ Sister Sophia? Is in the field herself, and that he had been properly impressed by a few of her stunts, but
that you? Why is it so dark?” Granger completed the Healing and the moment passed.
Granger cast Muffliato and Silencio upon the sack, and stuffed it back into her She gave his knee a pat, as though he were a naughty boy who had fallen out of a
pocket. She looked regretful. “Religious historians would give their eye teeth to have a tree, and not an Auror who had been attacked by a rampaging Manticore. “There.
chat with her. Can you imagine--” Now, no more dramatic rolls on concrete for a week. Parnell won’t be as nice as I am.”
“No,” said Draco. Then she pulled at the edge of Draco’s robe and tucked it forcefully under his thigh.
“I know, I know,” said Granger, though the pain of the missing knowledge made “...I promise no dangly bits are going to escape without permission,” said Draco,
her clutch at her breast. “I’ll send her back to the monastery as soon as we reach observing this activity.
civilisation. Hopefully her safe return keeps the nuns off our backs.” “I’m not chancing it, especially with a man named Crotch.”
“I rather fancied a duel with the Prioress. She sounded like a fury.” Draco released an unexpected snort of amusement, so strong that it hurt his nose.
The meal being over, they crawled off of the uncomfortable stools and stretched. Granger looked prim.
Granger produced a large, puffy blanket, which she placed upon the sand. She laid “Today has been a comedy of errors.”
down upon it and Draco invited himself to lie down next to her. “Right. Let us not tempt the Fates,” said Draco.
“She did sound like a fury,” said Granger. “Sod Aurors and the Order -- we Which was a big fat lie, because Draco had had a vague, not quite formed idea of
should’ve sent French nuns after Voldemort.” Tempting the Fates by looking wildly seductive for absolutely no reason and seeing
“Did you see that labyrinth? The good Sisters would’ve overthrown him in five where that went (it had gone precisely nowhere). There had been an interesting sort of
minutes. We’d be living in a new, nunnish world order.” potential in hot showers and a luxurious hotel suite, and being all but stark bollock
“Everyone would wear habits,” said Granger, a laugh in her voice. “You’d have naked with a witch.
positively thrived.” But that was all it was -- potential; existing in possibility, but not in actuality. With
“I merely express surprise at Muggle skin-showing,” said Draco huffily. “Not any other witch, yes. With this witch? No. This was Granger, and Granger was, well --
objections.” Granger.
“Dismay, rather.” Now she kicked off her oversized slippers and moved to the window. She undid
“Astonishment. It’s culture shock.” her hair from its wet pile and untangled it with her fingers. The curtains opened
“Don’t robes interfere with the checking out of bums?” asked Granger. “They are magically as she approached, desiring to show off the exclusive view of the Kensington
a blight on the entire sport.” Palace gardens. As she combed out her hair, Granger admired the vista, and regaled
“Then?” Draco with bits of Muggle and magical history on the place.
“I didn’t really think about the alternatives, until -- until quite recently.” “You The sun was setting upon the British Isles, as it had set hours ago in the graveyard
don’t know what you don’t know,” nodded Granger sagely. of ships in the desert.
“Exactly. I’m developing a new esteem for Muggle fashions -- they know how to do “Two sunsets in one day,” said Granger with a sigh. “Rather magical, isn't it?”
bums.” Granger laughed. Draco raised his wand lazily and floated the wine bottle over And she stood in the red light, rather magical herself, as though touched by fire.
to them. And gloaming fell upon the great city of London, and the sky turned to purple, and

224 | Noli me tangere Sixteen | 237

 “The orphans can burn them to warm their hovels. Stop talking about the reeking “You know -- the sun is setting here.” Granger’s voice was thoughtful. “It was
clothes. You’re putting me right off my chocolate bonbons.” midmorning at the monastery. That means we’ve jumped eight or ten timezones
Granger sighed at him, like she wanted to tell him that he was dreadful, but it ahead, depending on our proximity to the equator.”
wasn’t worth the effort, because he already knew that. Then she noticed a note on the “Where would that put us? Western China?”
table. “What’s this?” Granger had turned onto her stomach and edged towards the side of the blanket.
“A welcome note from the hotel,” said Draco. She was scribbling a map into the sand. “Er -- possibly. Any number of places,
Granger picked up the note, which was addressed to-- depending on how many zones we jumped. Iran... Oman... any of the ‘Stans...”
“Miss Hormone and Mr. Crotch,” read Granger. Draco floated over the dried figs and chewed on those while Granger made her
She set it down. Slowly, her hands rose to cover her face. Then, for a long minute, speculations. “Oh!” said Granger.
her shoulders shook, and she made small sounds, muffled by her hands. “What?”
“Er -- are you laughing, or crying?” asked Draco at length, because if it was the She passed him something for his inspection: a whitish, elongated seashell.
latter, he supposed that he ought to do something? “This used to be a seabed,” said Granger as she peered at the sand. “How curious.”
“Both,” hiccoughed Granger. She sniffed, then rose to fetch a tissue. Now she was passing her fingers through the sand, digging up more desiccated bits
When she returned, her eyes were bright, and a bit red around the edges, and her of sea-life. Her eyes were alight with inquisitiveness. All of the day’s troubles -- the
nose was pink. She resumed her seat at the low table and poured herself tea. “I can’t curses, the near-death experiences -- seemed to have faded away in light of this fresh
believe you did that to me again.” mystery. With her hair strewn with crypt dust, and a purplish line of Mind Flayer
“They wanted names downstairs,” shrugged Draco. “Though I rather suspect the residue across her cheek, and her torn-up walking kit, she looked rather like a wild-
witch knew who we were.” eyed archaeologist, seeking answers amongst the endless sands.
“Do you think so? We came in looking like a pair of Muggle ruffians, one of which The effect was quite fetching. Had anyone told Draco, months ago, that he
was bilious, and the other limping like Mad-Eye.” would’ve found a banged-up, dirt-smudged witch digging about in sand fetching, he
“I wasn’t limping like Mad-Eye.” would’ve scoffed. But there it was.
“O, yes, you were. Still are, though the heat from the shower helped you. Do you “That’s a Scaphopoda,” said Granger in reference to the shell in Draco’s hands.
want me to heal it again?” “But I don’t know what species, so that won’t help us narrow down our location.”
Draco pondered this, then swallowed his pride and slid on to the floor next to her. Draco examined the shell, concluded that it was, indeed, a shell, and passed it back
He flipped open the dressing gown to expose his knee. to her. Their fingers touched. Hers were warm, his were cool.
“I didn’t realise you observed me so closely,” said Draco. (Because she certainly “Sea urchin,” she said, holding up another whitish thing, but round.
didn’t observe the things he wished her to observe, the irritating creature.) “Fascinating.”
Granger’s wand tickled at his leg hair as she passed it over his knee. “Don’t flatter Granger returned to studying her erstwhile map, now scattered with bits of shell.
yourself; it comes with my job. Rather like how you assess everyone as though they’re “I don’t know enough about ancient seas to make any kind of intelligent supposition,
a secret assassin.” based on these creatures. It’ll be dangerous for us to Apparate anywhere, given that we
Draco scoffed. haven’t any idea where we are on the planet. I think our next plan of action should be
“It’s true,” said Granger. “You eye everyone up like you’re deciding how best to a reconnaissance flight to see if we can find civilisation, and hopefully an
break their necks. To say nothing of your devious uses of Legilimency.” She muttered internationally connected Floo.”
a Healing spell, then added, “It’s not a complaint, mind you. It does feel safer to have Draco popped himself onto his elbows. “I’m sorry, did you just say flight?”
“Yes.”

236 | The Seneca Fifteen | 225

 “As in, use the broom?” “Ugh.” Granger tilted her head back against the chaise longue in exhausted
“Yes.” annoyance. “I’ll make arrangements to have it sent back. And the car! We’re going
“You? Willingly? Want to use a broom?” to get about twelve parking fines, not to mention a nice kerfuffle to have the thing
Granger looked a combination of miffed and harassed. “Yes, all right? It ended up returned. Why can’t anything be simple? Right -- I need a shower next, if you’re
being terribly useful. Don’t be smug about it.” done. I stink of crypt and now I’m self-conscious about it because you smell g-- you
“Too late.” smell like soap.”
“I can see that.” With that, Granger rose, and proceeded to monopolise the shower for a full
Draco smirked broadly. Oh yes, he was smug. Granger, with her Firmly hour. Draco’s room service shimmered into existence on the low table.
Established Opinions on Everything, had changed her mind about flying, of all things. “Granger,” he called at the bathroom door, “there’s food -- do you want any, or
He dearly wanted to rub it in, but self- control prevailed. “The sun’s setting. Let’s wait shall I eat it all?” “Have it all,” came Granger’s voice from amidst the sound of
until it’s under the horizon, and then do a little recce from on high. If there are spraying. “I just want tea.”
settlements about, they’ll be lit up, and we’ll be able to see them from miles away.” “Ask the mirror,” said Draco.
Just as Granger was nodding her agreement, an odd sort of groan echoed across the “The mirror?”
dunes towards them. “Yes, for the tea.”
“Did you just hear a cow?” asked Granger. Draco heard the mirror interject that the tea would be up momentarily. Granger
“A cow? That sounded like Weasel on the loo.” thanked it. Interesting feeling, to be talking to Granger while she was naked.
“Eurgh -- don’t be -- oh! Look!” Draco made it all the way to dessert (chocolate bonbons) before Granger came
A herd of -- of something -- came into view over the dunes. They looked like out of the bathroom. She, too, was now wearing a dressing gown -- ridiculously
gazelles who had been half-Transfigured into tapirs. oversized on her. Draco noted that Granger had not strategically left a V open at the
“Oh, I’ve read about those -- they’re Saiga antelope!” said Granger, leaping to her front -- rather, she had crossed both sides into each other so high that the robe
feet. covered her to her chin. Nor had she sexily mussed her hair, which was a wet pile on
The animals paused at the sudden movement. They eyed Granger as though she top of her head, held in place by her wand.
was the half- Transfigured oddity, and not them. Then, with a strange loping gait, they She shuffled over in too-big slippers.
carried on. “What?” she said as she noted Draco’s observation. Then she looked down at
“Queer looking things,” said Draco. “Magical?” herself. “Rather like a gnome in a housecoat, isn’t it? I’d like to know whose boat-
“Mundane.” Granger was on her tiptoes, watching the herd pass. “Exceedingly like feet these slippers were designed for?”
rare, though.” The lead animal groaned its peculiar moo and the herd disappeared A steaming pot of tea popped into existence on the low table as Granger
behind a dune. approached. She pulled some pillows off of the bed and made a cosy nest for herself
Granger returned to the blanket and kneeled at her sandy map. “This will help on the floor next to it.
situate us. Those antelope have a narrow range. We’re somewhere in Central Asia.” “What are you doing with your clothes?” she asked, with a gesture at the torn,
Granger bit at her lip. “Population centres will be few and far in between.” stained pile she had left in the bathroom next to his. “I unstitched my Extendable
“We’ll fly south or west, then,” said Draco. “Definitely not north.” pocket. I can’t decide if it’s worth sending them to laundry? Do we donate to
“Agreed -- nothing but Russia’s steppes that way.” orphans?”
“I’d give it another hour,” said Draco, eyeing the sun as it sank behind the dunes. “Burn them,” said Draco.
“Then we can fly.” “But what about the orphans?”

226 | Noli me tangere Sixteen | 235

once (which was good, because he had a nice bruise going on his left one from that Granger stretched out on her back next to him and tucked her hands behind her
morning’s activities). head. There was a smile in her voice when she next spoke. “I can’t believe I saw a Saiga
Thoroughly clean, now, Draco decided that he was a little peckish, and placed an antelope.”
order for a light dinner with the mirror. Then, given that he hadn’t any clothes save “I can’t believe we had a chinwag with Mary Magdalene’s skull.” “And we were
for the reeking pile that he had stripped off, he pulled on a fluffy white dressing almost outwitted by nuns.”
gown and matching slippers. “Those nuns were savage old birds. My next warding will be inspired. Shall I cast
As he tied the dressing gown, he made sure that the V at the opening properly Beelzebub's Barrier at your lab?”
exposed the best of his chest (because he liked to show off in general, and not “Could do. A spot of demonic possession would inject some vim into Trinity’s
because of Granger in particular). Water droplets glistened artfully across his halls.”
pectorals and down to where the top of his abs peeked out. Soon, the sun was nothing but a golden memory reflected in the firmament.
Then he fixed his hair so that it was appropriately, sexily mussed up, for that There was no birdsong in the desert; all was quiet, save for the plaintive whistling of
post-shower, delicious look. the wind amongst the rusted-out hulls.
The mirror commented that he looked quite divine. The wind quietened as the world darkened. The moon emerged and painted the
“I know,” said Draco. He emerged from the shower in a mist of well-being, dunes a silvery white. Then, in the black stillness above them, constellation after
sexiness, and soap. constellation of stars glimmered into being, and galaxies, and nebulas innumerable.
And he needn’t have bothered with any of it, really. Granger didn’t even look up Draco had never seen a sky like this one, so alight with its own brilliance,
when he exited the bathroom in his steamy glory. She was engrossed in her mobile. shimmering with mighty mysteries of worlds far away.
The water had been drunk and the bucket looked unused -- at least she was Together, in awed silence, Draco and Granger observed the whirling radiance
feeling better. above. Their hearts felt strangely full, and their troubles small and distant, under such
“The Aral Sea!” exclaimed Granger, her eyes riveted on the mobile. “That’s living skies.
where we were. It was almost completely desiccated in the 60’s because of Soviet
irrigation projects...”
A blow-by-blow account of the Sea’s disappearance followed, with much Neither Draco nor Granger had planned for a nap, but magical exhaustion took its
outraged commentary from Granger on what an ecological disaster it was. toll and knocked them both out for two hours.
Meanwhile, the sexy droplets of water dried off of Draco’s pectorals, uselessly On the bright side, Draco awoke feeling positively rejuvenated, and ready to take
unseen by any audience whatsoever. Sod the Aral Sea; where was Granger’s concern on a hundred nuns, should circumstances require it. Granger, as she uncurled herself,
for Draco’s desiccated chest? also looked reinvigorated.
“Riveting,” said Draco. A few lively wand-waves packed up or erased all traces of their passing. And then it
Granger, detecting his lack of enthusiasm for her information dump, lowered was time to fly.
her mobile. There must’ve been eagerness on Draco’s face, because Granger held the broom
She looked him up and down, from the ends of his artfully tossed hair to his from him, and said, “Just because I think it’s a good idea doesn’t mean I’m going to
slippered feet. Her sole comment: “Haven’t you any clothes?” enjoy it. Making me scream in terror is not the object of this exercise.”
“No, I haven’t, given that my luggage is currently enjoying a sojourn on the coast “I would never,” said Draco, feigning offence as he set aside nefarious plans to do
of Provence, along with yours.” just that.

234 | The Seneca Fifteen | 227

 Granger, with a look of profound mistrust, passed him the broom. Draco
mounted, and then angled his way towards her for her to hop on. She twisted her
hands together, took a breath, muttered about bloody brooms, and, finally, clambered
on.

16
“You do better when you don’t have time to think about it,” remarked Draco as
Granger wedged herself between his legs. “Like in the crypt.”
“Imminent death does push slightly-less-imminent death out of my mind,” said
Granger with a tight jaw.
Draco cast the usual assortment of wind-breakers and warming spells. “Ready?”
“No,” came the strangled response. “Just go.”
Draco did not wait to be told twice. He kicked off with a will, eager to get lost in
The Seneca
these skies with their millions upon millions of stars.
The post-apocalyptic scene of the corroded fleet of boats grew smaller and smaller,

T
until the hulls were mere specks below. he bath and the nap which had been at the forefront of Draco’s mind
As they reached flying altitude, Draco revelled in the views. There was no sea here, inspired his choice of destination. He and Granger materialised in the
but an ocean of silver dunes, undulating without end all around them. Above, long foyer of the Seneca, London’s choicest wizarding hotel.
lanes of stars streaked -- gates to strange eternities. It was Awesome in the true sense of Draco hoisted Granger up to her feet. The employees at the Seneca were the
the word and filled Draco with profound wonder. epitome of discretion, including the witch who stepped out from behind the front
To his surprise, Granger had her eyes open. She breathed out a single, stupefied, desk, took no notice of their filthy clothing, and graciously asked if they were
“Wow,” and then went silent. looking for a room, or dining at the hotel?
Draco struck a south-eastern course. His broom hummed under him, wanting to The mention of dining made Granger go dangerously green.
be given its head as they flew. But this broom, the newest model Étincelle, was the Draco propped her onto a bench and made arrangements for a room with the
quickest in Draco’s collection and he dared not go faster than he already was. Despite front desk witch. The woman, sensing that they wanted a room more than chit-
the wind-breaking charms, Granger’s ponytail had half unravelled and was having its chat about the hotel’s amenities, Summoned an ornate key and whisked them to
way with his face. And, of course, the witch herself would kill him upon landing. the lifts, and enquired if they had any luggage? (No, nothing, and certainly no illegal
After a time, Granger asked, “Why’s the broom buzzing at us?” Her question was skulls, thank you.)
laced in unspoken fear of a malfunction. And so Draco reached the end of this bizarre day, in one of the Seneca’s famous
“She wants to go fast,” said Draco. suites, overlooking the Kensington Palace gardens, with a droopy Granger thrown
There was a pause. Then, timidly, Granger asked, “How fast?” decoratively across a chaise lounge.
Draco gave a moment’s thought to his answer, which took the form of a question: On the low table next to her, a carafe of water magically materialised, as well as a
“How fast does your car go?” bucket. Thoughtful sort, that front desk witch.
“I’ve broken two hundred kilometres per hour -- in Germany, mind.” Deciding that Granger had been sufficiently provided for, Draco went off to
(Draco did not understand why Germany was relevant to this statement.) shower. That was a delightful experience, far more enjoyable than the small closet
“We can do two hundred on the broom,” said Draco. “If you’re game.” provided by the Hotel Plaisance. Draco turned on every single jet that was available,
amused himself with the soap selections, and didn’t crack his elbows against a wall

228 | Noli me tangere Sixteen | 233

 Granger held out her arm and whispered, “Disapparate us.” Draco knew Granger’s body language enough now to see that she was torn, even
“Where?” without a view of her face. “This is a bloody big desert,” she said after some musing.
“Bloody anywhere!” “It is.”
Draco grasped her arm and Disapparated as quietly as he could. “We’ve been flying for twenty minutes and we haven’t seen a single sign of human
habitation.”
“Correct.”
“We’d cover much more ground at speed.”
“We would.”
Granger straightened up between Draco’s arms. “Let’s do it. Cast a few more wind-
breakers -- I’m going to do something with my hair.”
Which was excellent, because between Granger and her cat, Draco had now
ingested enough hair to last the week. He slowed them down to cast his spells as
Granger coiled her ponytail into a plait and tucked it into her top.
Granger’s voice was tightened by nerves. “Don’t accelerate too fast or I shall fall.”
“You won’t fall. I’m holding you.”
“I know.”
“It’ll be just like we’re in your car,” said Draco, edging the broom up to speed.
“My car has seat belts and is solidly on the earth at all tiiiiiiimes--”
Granger’s statement gave way to a shriek as the broom surged ahead. Draco
wondered whether he ought to slow down -- and then he realised that the shriek had
turned into a delighted, adrenaline- filled laugh.
The speed had Granger half enjoying herself, half frightened out of coherent
thought.
“Now we’re getting somewhere,” said Draco as the dunes turned to a silvery blur
below them.
“Oh my goddd—”
“You are keeping an eye out for lights, aren’t you?”
“Ughfrlp.”
“Good.”
They streaked across the desert, meteoric. Draco wished for a shooting star, so that
they might race it. Since Granger was doing so well, he gave the broom her head, and
she spiritedly jetted forth even faster, and now the dunes were a silver radiance below,
and the stars were a dazzling whirl.

232 | Noli me tangere Fifteen | 229

 He held Granger tightly, partially to keep her safe, partially because he wanted to, Draco intimidated the Consul into lighting the international Floo flue, despite
because the feel of it was enjoyable -- the holding of this slightly mad, brilliant witch, their lack of any kind of documentation, and Granger Obliviated him, and Draco cast
who passed her weekends skylarking about crypts, and who provoked him at every a Sleeping Charm on him, and then they were whisked back to London by blue
turn. flames.
She was warm between his arms, and she smelled like travel dust and adventure Draco reflected that he and Granger made a rather decent team.
and exhilaration. They were spat out on British soil twenty minutes later, after the longest and most
The whole thing was mad -- the holding of Granger as though he wanted to, the dizzying Floo journey that either of them had ever experienced. Draco rolled out of it;
flying over these unsettled wilds, the having no actual clue where on Earth they were, Granger plopped down bonelessly.
the illegal and unfinished Portus, the talking skull, the whole of it. Absolutely mental. Then, on the cold floor of the London warehouse that served as the Arrivals
He had loved every minute. platform, Granger laid herself down and did not move.
“There!” said Granger, suddenly. Draco, who generally fared better than her in all things spinny, had a look about.
She made the mistake of holding out her arm to point. At this speed, it was His knee was stinging at him, unhappy with the way he’d landed on the concrete.
whipped backwards and smacked Draco in the temple. “They’ve put in a line of domestic Floo hearths,” he said, returning to Granger’s
“Sorry!” blurted Granger. “But -- look!” limp corpse. “We can each Floo straight home.”
To the south of them glowed the yellow glow of Muggle lights. At first they dotted “Shan’t,” said Granger.
the sands, here and there, and then they began to form long, parallel lanes. Roads. Draco came to stand next to her and contemplated her greenish mien. “You look
“A city!” said Granger. ready to be sick.”
Draco flew them lower and slower. As they slowed, Granger cast Disillusionments “I feel it,” said Granger.
on the two of them, lest a Muggle be stargazing on a night like this. “It’s one more little spin in the Floo.”
They skimmed the rooftops now, looking for more clues on their location. Signs “Go away and leave me to die,” came Granger’s feeble voice.
across shopfronts were in Cyrillic and, oddly, Arabic, with what looked like Korean Draco, who fancied a hot shower and a nap, was moderately tempted, but leaving
Hangul thrown in to confuse any lost witches and wizards as much as possible. his Principal queasy and utterly prone on the floor was, unfortunately, contrary to
Granger asked Draco to slow down further so that she could consult her mobile, protocol. “Haven’t you some potion to take for the nausea?”
now that they had reached civilisation. “If I so much as smell a potion, I shall decorate this floor with aubergine and--”
“Tashkent,” she said. “Shh,” said Draco.
“Bless you,” said Draco. Footsteps were ringing across the warehouse.
“No, it’s where we are. We’re in Uzbekistan.” Draco knelt beside Granger. “There’s an agent coming and we haven’t got an
“My word,” said Draco. “That’s a step off the beaten path.” explanation for how we just got spat out of Tashkent with no papers, nor a stamp
“This is excellent. There's a British embassy here. There’ll be a Magical consulate from the Consul. We have to go.”
tucked in there with them. We’ll be able to Floo home.” “Shit,” said Granger, raising her head weakly off the floor. “They’ll find my
With that, Granger's mobile began peppering directions out to Draco, which led Extension charms, if they search us.”
them to the roof of the British embassy, which was closed for the night. Draco broke “And we’ve still got the bloody skull. That’s a stolen Artefact -- not to mention
them in and sniffed out the Consul’s chambers (his was the only trace of magic in the precious enough to spark an international incident.”
entire building), and they startled the poor wizard awake. “I heard an arrival, I tell you,” came a man’s voice.
“Impossible,” came another. “There’s nothing scheduled till Istanbul at half-past.”

230 | Noli me tangere Fifteen | 231

 They came across a guard room, which was a mess of decrepit furniture and new The cat paused at Draco’s feet, and then, as though it was bestowing a great gift
sleeping bags, old food and heaps upon heaps of the ballistic syringes that had proven upon him, it wound itself around his boots and coated his trousers in orange.
so critical to track Talfryn down. Draco was almost as wrong-footed by this as by the Moment with Granger. He
Two Aurors stood sentinel as Draco and the others pulled in the Magizoologists to hardly knew what to do with himself. However, when he bent down to stroke the cat,
inspect the syringes and their contents. They concluded that it was etorphine it hissed at him, and fled back into the dark garden.
hydrochloride -- a Muggle opioid. “It’s on his terms, and his terms only,” said Granger.
“Very potent,” said the most senior of the Magizoologists, a witch called Ridgewell. “Pernickety creature.”
“Muggles use it to take down rhinoceroses. A squirt of this will stop a human heart in “He is.” Granger studied a bit of peeling paint on the doorpost. Draco stared at the
half a minute.” wisteria.
“Blimey, they’ve got enough here for two dozen rhinos,” said her younger partner. Granger bit her lip. “Did I really ruin your stakeout?”
“Or one very large Nundu.” “Yes. Did McLaggen really end up with you last night?”
They discovered a stash of small crossbows in a dark corner. After a brief “Yes.”
conference, two the Magizoologists equipped themselves with them: “We’ve got our They muttered something that may have been, to the listener with impossibly
own sedatives,” said Ridgewell, “but we know these will work, if ours don’t.” acute ears, an apology, in a language principally consisting of mutters and throat-
“Wait here,” said Draco as he opened the door to the next passage. “We’ll go ahead clearing. Their seething fury gave way now to a certain degree of abashedness, which
and clear the way. And what’s that bloody smell? Is it...?” Draco was more adept at hiding than Granger.
Ridgewell sniffed at the air, looking rather like an English Setter about to point. “Did he really have all of his limbs broken?” asked Draco.
There was a foul, pungent smell seeping into the room. “That’ll be the Nundu,” said “All. And a concussion, to boot.”
Ridgewell. “Male, judging by the potency. If you spot it, don’t make eye contact, move “Ah. Poor boy.”
slowly, and come back to us. I’m not sure Disillusionment works on Magical felids.” “Blood sports, though?” asked Granger, with a bit of Do-Gooder anxiety creeping
Draco, who was rather more interested in Talfryn than the Nundu, slipped into into her voice.
the corridor, flanked by Buckley and Humphreys, with Goggin bringing up the rear. “Nundu-baiting,” nodded Draco. “Talfryn’s made a bloody fortune on it, too.”
Fernsby was left to protect the Magizoologists. “Nundu?! How is he even keeping one captive?”
As they advanced, their detection spells suggested three more nearby human “We aren’t sure -- a tranquiliser cocktail, no doubt. Stunners.”
presences in the fort -- as well as whoever else might be behind the metres of rock “Shit,” said Granger, looking freshly guilty.
ahead of them. And underneath them--
“Indeed.”
“Something big,” said Humphreys, holding her wand to her ear as she knelt on the The conversation petered out. The wisteria’s long fronds fluttered in the breeze, so
floor. “It’s growling, too -- I wonder if it’s dinnertime.” Draco looked at them again, out of pure intellectual curiosity. Granger took a
“Happy to let the Magis deal with that bugger,” said Buckley with a shudder. powerful interest in a crack in the threshold.
There was a cry of frustration up ahead. The Aurors crept up close enough to hear Draco was about to say that he had to be off -- again -- but Granger’s stance shifted.
someone swear. “I can’t fucking Disapparate,” came a rough voice. “You try.” She was no longer positioned to pounce at his throat -- she was half turned into the
“Idiot,” came a drawl. There was a moment of silence, and then, “I can’t either.” house, hesitating over something.
“Fuck!” came a third voice -- Talfryn’s. “Anti-Apparition Ward. Sound the bloody Normally, Draco would’ve prompted her, rudely, but today, he rather felt that he
alarm, you idiot! Accio broom!” had used up his rudeness allowance.

284 | The Nundu Seventeen | 249

 Granger cleared her throat and spoke in a smallish voice. “I had something I
wanted to show you.”
“What is it?”
Granger disappeared into the cottage and returned with a newspaper clipping. She

19
passed it to Draco. It was from the seventh page of the Prophet and titled, Plundering
in Provence!
The article described the theft of a relic from a monastery that Draco had certainly
never heard of in his life. The burglars were described as uniquely powerful
individuals with a penchant for arson, who had defeated nigh-impenetrable security

The Nundu
measures, unbroken since 1008.
Our readers will be as flabbergasted as the investigators when they learn that the
prized relic -- the skull of a saint -- was returned to the monastery anonymously a few
days after the break-in. Investigators suspect that the burglars may have been thrill- Trying times for draco malfoy
seekers looking for a challenge. A few of the Sisters sustained non-life threatening
injuries following the intrusion. When asked whether the investigation would
continue, French authorities said, “Quelle question idiote, la relique est de retour,

D
non?”, which your correspondent takes to mean ‘No.’
raco was feeling good. He and four other Aurors had set up a broad Anti-
“I got my alliterative headline,” said Draco.
Apparition Ward half a kilometre away from the fort, with the old ruin at
“You did.” Granger twisted her hands together. “I got what I absolutely didn’t
its centre. The team had been briefed by the Magizoologists
want, which was publicity.”
accompanying them on the dangers of the Nundu -- its lethal venom with no known
“You will be the prime suspect, certainly,” said Draco. “Everyone knows that
antidote, its aggression, its wicked agility.
beloved Healer Hermione Granger is secretly a thrill-seeker and an arsonist.”
The Aurors were to deal with the naughty wizards and the Magizoologists with
Granger gave him a reproving look. “Be serious.”
the beast.
“I am. You’re a perilous sort of witch.”
At Draco's signal, they began their stealthy assault on the fort. The Magizoologists
Granger plucked the article out of Draco’s hand, pulled out her wand, and burnt
were a well- trained bunch who kept well behind the Disillusioned Aurors, per their
the clipping.
instructions.
“See? More arson,” said Draco. “And we can add destroying evidence to your list of
Two half-asleep watchmen were Stunned, Silenced, and immobilised with cuffs.
crimes.”
Then the Aurors moved into the fort proper, after Draco had rid the door of wards
“You’ll have to arrest me, if I continue down this troubled path.” and Buckley had taken care of the rather complex Magical locking mechanism.
“I’m already thinking of it. Did the skull end up being useful? Please tell me it was “German-made,” Buckley muttered by way of apology for taking so long.
worth the faff.”
Now they advanced down poorly lit corridors rife with ill-cast wards. Draco took
“It was,” said Granger. “Immensely. I’ve made significant strides.” care of the latter as Buckley raised his wand in a detection spell. He signalled two more
“Good.” guards ahead, which Goggin and young Humphreys crept onwards to take care of.
Granger leaned against the doorpost, a small amount of her awkward tension
gone. “My next frolic will be devastatingly boring, in comparison.”

250 | The Dinner Nineteen | 283

 “--Secondly, yes, especially that kind of off the cuff meeting. I don’t trust him. “I’ll believe that when I see it.”
No wizard Occludes for an entire conversation unless he’s hiding something “It’s true. I’m only going to Hogwarts.”
significant.” “Whatever for?”
“All right, all right,” said Granger. “Having you Apparate into Tesco in your full “A medieval text. One of Snape’s.”
Auror kit would be terribly amusing to witness, anyway...” “Ah,” said Draco. Snape had bequeathed the entirety of his library to Hogwarts,
She walked him to the door and leaned against the frame as Draco readied his and had thus, in one fell swoop, made the school’s rare book collection almost as
wand for his Disapparation. A parting glance at her became a double-take, because extensive as that of most universities.
Granger -- her arms loosely crossed, her eyes warm, the memory of a smile on her “That won’t be till later in the summer, at Lughnasadh. Not because any magical
lips -- almost looked as though she might actually like him. potencies are at play, mind you. It’s just my next weekend off before--”
“Thank you again,” she said. “For the book.” A shrill sound interrupted her. Draco’s first thought was a ward alarm. He
“Amends,” shrugged Draco. whipped around, brandishing his wand, with every intention to maim.
“A fair and just reparation for the damages caused.” Granger gasped, “I left the cooker on!”
“I’ll keep the head for next time.” Draco had smelled something burning, come to think of it, but he’d thought it was
Granger laughed. “Make it the bouquet, rather.” the bit of newspaper.
“Fine.” Granger plunged into the house. Draco followed to witness whatever
“Bye, Malfoy.” entertainment was to come.
A general lightness of being always accompanied Disapparation, didn’t it? She pulled something out of the cooker -- something quite black. Draco opened a
window and conjured a stiff breeze to air the place out.
“Well,” said Granger, looking sad. “That was dinner.”
“Mm mm,” said Draco, observing the coal.
Draco had naively thought that her font of fury had been drained. He was wrong.
Granger always had an additional supply of wrath.
“This is your fault,” said Granger, turning towards him with a hand on her hip.
“You distracted me.”
“What was it?” asked Draco, to ascertain whether he should feel bad.
Granger pointed to the bin. A box was sticking out of it, which indicated that it
had been Miss Mabel’s Frozen Fish Pie.
“I haven’t the slightest regret,” said Draco.
Granger scraped the blackened heap into the bin along with the box, which was, in
Draco’s opinion, where it had belonged in the first place.
Now Granger was poking about her cupboards, the contents of which were two
tins of tuna, dried beans, and a packet of biscuits. “Take-away it is. I usually pop round
to the shops at the weekend. Stop looking so judgy.”

282 | Amends Seventeen | 251

 Draco, feeling very judgy indeed about the dried beans, was struck by an “No. We've just established that you have a real strength of character.”
impetuous, mad, wild idea. “I lied. I’m a craven double-crossing coward.”
“Granger.” “I might’ve believed that if you hadn’t provided evidence to the contrary over
“What.” the past several years.”
“Come with me to dinner.” “What evidence? I deny everything.”
Granger, who had disappeared halfway to Narnia to retrieve a stale box of crackers, “You’re Tonks’ favourite, and it’s not because you flee from the baddies.”
pulled out of her cupboard. “What?” “I’m her favourite? Tss. Did she tell you that?”
Draco repeated himself slowly, with interpretive gestures, so that she would “Lupin.”
understand. “You. Me. Dinner.” “Rubbish,” said Draco, though he was rather pleased.
He might as well have suggested setting fire to a children’s hospital, for all the shock Granger pressed a single finger to his hand and, from that mighty fulcrum,
his suggestion generated. lowered his arm. “I suppose that this unspeakably precious gift must mean my lead
“You want to eat dinner with me? Tonight? On purpose?” on Talfryn got you somewhere?”
“No,” said Draco with a thick layer of sarcasm slathered across the top. “By “It did. We know where he is.”
accident. We’ll trip up to the table with our mouths open and mash in some hors “Do give him my regards when you bring him in. What’ll happen to the
d’oeuvres.” Granger was still looking at him askance. Nundu?”
Draco raised his eyes to the ceiling. She was making such a Thing of this. “I “A few Magizoologists are joining us on the raid. They’ll assess the beast and
promise that if I were going to poison you, it would’ve been upon my arrival, not decide what to do with it.”
now. There’s a rather large amount of food waiting for me at the Manor. And it Granger nodded. Then her attention was back on the tome in the carved box.
would delight the elves. And,” he hastened to add, “My mother is in Florence.” Draco saw the polite, restrained impatience in her stance, in the way she was
She was still regarding him in a suspicious kind of confusion, her arms crossed in twirling the tip of her plait.
the typical Granger defence stance. “Why?” “I’ll leave the two of you alone, shall I?” said Draco.
“It’s my fault you burnt your cardboard pie.” Granger gave him a Look, but she flashed him a smile.
Granger’s raised eyebrow suggested that a lot of things were his fault, for which he’d “Jot me next time you’re meeting Larsen,” said Draco. “I’m not through with
never attempted to make amends previously, so he would have to pardon her him.”
misgivings. “Shall we go?” asked Draco, ignoring these rather just qualms. “Understood.”
Granger stood unmoving, studying him sceptically, as though she was trying to “And if he shows up unanticipated -- any kind of out of the blue, chance
work out his Ulterior Motive. It was a stark and aggravating contrast to the typical meeting -- activate the distress beacon. Three turns on the ring.”
witch’s reaction to a dinner invitation from Draco Malfoy, which was usually Granger tore her attention away from the book to regard him with surprise.
breathless yeses and a great many giggles. “Really?”
Not that he was inviting her to that kind of dinner. “Yes.”
He was simply observing the distinction. “Even if I run into him when I pop out to get milk?”
The smell of burnt fish pie wafted from the bin and settled around them in a Draco held up a hand to stop her there. “First of all, you manage to pop out to
gentle, tragic aura. get milk once a year--”
It spurred Granger to action. She crammed the bin’s lid on tightly, turned, and “Hey.”
made for the stairs.

252 | The Dinner Eighteen | 281

 Inside it, within folds of the finest silk, was nestled a book. Its title shone in worn Women didn’t run from Draco, as a general rule -- quite the contrary. It was an
gold lettering: Revelations. unfamiliar and unpleasant sensation.
Granger gasped and stepped back, her hands at her collarbone. “Oi,” said Draco, vexed.
Then she said, in a breathy kind of shriek, “How?!” “I’m going to change,” called Granger. “I’m not going to the Manor in my house
“A friend of a friend.” things. Besides, I stink like burnt.”
“But -- but the last undamaged copy was destroyed when Glyndwr burnt Draco, as he watched her and her bum sprint up the stairs in her short Muggle
down--” shorts, vaguely wanted to say that he didn’t object to the house things, and that it was
“Was it?” Draco leaned against the table to better take in the giddiness. “Are you only her and him at dinner, so it didn’t matter, and plus, she often smelled a bit like
sure?” candle smoke, and it didn’t bother him in the least.
Granger approached the box again and peeped over the top, as though the tome However, Granger was upstairs, so Draco kept these mawkish sentiments to
might disappear if it felt too crowded. himself.
Then, without a word of warning, she launched herself at Draco, seized his face, He waited for her to change, which took approximately two business days. Then
and planted a kiss on each of his cheeks. Before he could so much as twitch out a she came came a’tumbling down the stairs, wearing a red summer dress. “There, now
response, she had released him again. I’ll be presentable.”
Now she was back at the box, her hands clasped at her mouth. “This can’t be! “Presentable for whom?”
I’m dreaming.” “I don’t know,” said Granger, pulling her hair into a low side bun that was,
Meanwhile, Draco was recovering from the joyful assault upon his person, and somehow, both elegant and messy. “Being with you attracts chaos; I half expect
thinking that Granger had felt rather nice all pressed up against him, and smelt good, Shacklebolt to decide to pop in for a chit- chat.”
and her lips were soft. She had leapt away too quickly for him to make any kind of Draco felt that the chaos attractor was her, but, nevertheless. “I rather hope he
further assessment. Which, frankly, felt like a pity. does. He can tell Tonks I’m building a rapport with my Principal and not being a
But it was Granger he was being wistful about, and so he, too, must be dreaming. frightful bully.”
Now she was walking about in a tight circle, muttering about a burning abbey. “You aren’t a bully. You’re just pushy,” said Granger, sliding on strappy sandals.
“I can’t keep this,” she said at length. “It’s far too precious. When I’ve studied it -- “I’m pushy?”
oh, I do hope the portions I’m missing are extant in this one -- I’ll have to give it to one “Bit bossy, really.”
of the libraries. I can’t keep it to myself.” “Oh, this is rich.”
“Do whatever you want with it. It’s yours,” said Draco with a nonchalant shrug.
The nonchalant shrug was to show that he was cool and unaffected, rather than
feeling stupidly pleased that she was so happy. They Apparated to the Mitre, and from there Flooed to the Swan, and from there
“Goodness,” said Granger, her hands upon her cheeks, which were rather pink. they Apparated to the Manor. It was the same trajectory that they had taken on that
“I think if you’d tried to bribe me with this, it would’ve worked.” fateful night when Granger had popped into existence on the Manor’s Quidditch
“It would’ve? Bugger it all.” Draco put an arm between Granger and the box. “I pitch, only in reverse -- and in less frantic circumstances.
take it back. You can’t have it.” This thought also seemed to have crossed Granger’s mind, as they materialised at
Granger gave him a look of utmost reproach, which, of course, made no the Manor. Just as Draco was stealing a glance at her, Granger met his eyes. Then she
impression whatsoever. “You wouldn’t do that to me,” said Granger. held up her hand. It was trembling only slightly.
“Wouldn’t I?” “Progress,” said Granger.

280 | Amends Seventeen | 253

 Draco said, “Well done,” with quiet sincerity. However, he was pleased to find her at the table with the remains of an actual
The Manor’s large front doors swung open at their approach. One of the younger meal -- a stew of some kind, bread, and a bowl of yoghurt. He made no comment;
house-elves scurried across the entrance hall with a high-pitched word of welcome -- she didn’t need an I-told-you-so to know that his idea had been a good one.
and then he saw Granger. Granger eyed him and his rectangular parcel with wariness. “Well, I suppose it’s
He squeaked in surprise, Disapparated, and then his high voice echoed from the the wrong shape for McLaggen’s head.”
kitchens: “Master is home! And he brought a lady! Make whipped cream!” “Perhaps I put it in a box, just to trick you.”
Then the elf Apparated before them again, as though he hadn’t gone anywhere in “Rather a large box.”
the first place. “Maybe it’s an arm instead.”
“Welcome, Sir and Miss.” “Eurgh.” Granger’s hands were clasped in front of her, but nervously -- as
“Thank you, Tupey. Could you tell the kitchens that I will be joined by my though she knew, logically, that it wouldn’t be a body part, but also knew Draco
colleague, Healer Granger, for dinner?” enough not to be too certain about that.
Draco might as well have broken the house-elf’s heart with this clarification. “Of Draco placed the parcel on the table with care. “First, I want you to know that
course, Sir,” he said, his large eyes filled with sudden devastation. this was an absolute pain in the arse to find.”
“And we want to dine on the south terrace,” added Draco. “Oh?”
Tupey bowed and Disapparated. Distantly, his shrill voice echoed with a request to “Secondly, I want you to know that I was originally going to use this as leverage
cancel the whipped cream. to blackmail you.”
Granger looked bemused. “...Whipped cream?” This remark caused Granger to cross her arms. “You were going to blackmail
“Never mind that,” said Draco. “Let’s have an aperitif to start. I think we’ve just me?”
launched a panic in the kitchens.” “Well -- bribe, perhaps more accurately.”
Granger was not quite so fixated on her feet as she’d been during her last visit. She Now Granger’s arms were crossed and her hip was cocked. Disapproval and
glanced about, taking in the white walls, the enchanted clusters of candles floating amusement warred for primacy. “You were going to bribe me?”
every few paces, the fires ablaze in the many hearths. The new Manor was a sight less “Yes.”
dreary than the old. “In exchange for what?!”
Draco steered her to one of the salons, which was well-supplied with all manner of “For you to tell me what your project is about,” said Draco, loosening the thick
snacks. They had twenty seconds to select a seat and pick at olives before Tupey satin that wrapped the object.
materialised again, desiring to know what they’d like to drink. “You are utterly shameless.”
“A cognac for me,” said Draco. “I didn’t, though, did I?”
“And for Colleague Healer Granger?” asked Tupey. “No. I suppose that showed a real strength of character,” said Granger.
“Red wine, please.” Draco stepped aside and motioned Granger forward. She approached the table,
“Cabernet Sauvignon? Merlot? Pinot Noir? Malbec?” asked Tupey. mingled curiosity and worry in her eyes. The satin wrappings fell away to reveal an
Granger appeared paralysed by the onslaught of choices. “Er -- I’ll try the Malbec. ornately carved box.
Thank you.” Tupey bowed and Disapparated. Granger glanced at him. “If this is a head, I will scream.”
Next came Henriette, who was slightly better at concealing her excitement (only “Open it.” Draco found himself holding back a grin.
her quivering ears gave her away). Granger pried the lid off of the box.

254 | The Dinner Eighteen | 279

 And Draco was left pondering what he would do to make his own amends. “Mademoiselle Granger,” she said with a curtsey, before proffering a tray.
Now he owed Granger. Bugger and blast. “Roulades de courgettes, noix épicées au piri-piri, blinis de saumon et de chèvre au
pesto.”
The tray of amuse-gueules was set to hovering next to Granger. Henriette
Keep tomorrow eve free. I have Disapparated.
something to drop off. Granger opened her mouth to say something, but there was another crack, and
Tupey Apparated with the drinks. Draco was given his with the usual amount of
If it’s McLaggen’s head on a
politeness, but Granger’s was placed in her hand with the utmost care. Tupey
platter, you can keep it.
Disapparated.
Draco opened his mouth to speak, but a third elf Apparated from the kitchens to
ask whether Colleague Healer Granger had any allergies or preferences the kitchens
I would never be so crass. should be aware of? She did not. The kitchen elf Disapparated.
Granger attempted a comment, but Henriette cracked into existence with
No? serviettes and tiny forks, and Disapparated again.
Draco and Granger eyed each other warily as silence descended upon the salon,
It would be something a bit half expecting another loud crack to interrupt their next attempt at conversation.
more elegant. Use him as “They are a bit -- a bit intense, aren’t they?” said Granger.
compost in the gardens and “They are positively itching for guests,” said Draco. “When my mother is away,
then send you a bouquet. there aren’t any functions to host, and there’s only me to feed.”
“This entire tray is enough for dinner,” said Granger, selecting a salmon blini. “Er --
A charming combination of no. Save your appetite.”
gentlemanly and psychopathic They meandered towards the south terrace. It was an exquisite summer night,
warm, but blessed with a sweet, playful little breeze. The breeze toyed with the
escaped tendrils of Granger’s hair and tugged at the hem of her dress. Not that Draco
was looking at her.
— was the dry response. The grounds were illuminated at night by enchanted candles and lanterns at the
foot of every tree, and strung along all of the footpaths. In some ways, the effect was
I’ll be home after 8. even more magnificent than during the day -- the fountains and water features
shimmered and the flowers were luminous, as though glowing from within.
Draco left Granger to admire a prospect of the gardens while he strode ahead to see
Draco duly Apparated at Granger’s cottage after eight, bearing a precious thing if the table was ready. He was satisfied by what the house-elves had put together on
that was not McLaggen’s severed head. such short notice: a silver table and two chairs, a surfeit of summer flowers lending
Granger looked unusually tired. Draco knew from her schedule that she had their perfume to the night air, and a real extravagance of lanterns and fairy lights.
been putting in long hours at her laboratory that week, but seeing the shadows It was, however, terribly romantic. Henriette was laying it on rather thick, given
under her eyes made him ponder quite how late. that Draco had specified a colleague. He had had countless dinners and drinks with

278 | Amends Seventeen | 255

colleagues and collaborators al fresco over the summer, and Henriette had never once business with the UK -- a German company. We haven’t a massive demand for the
seen fit to decorate with roses. Red roses. things, mostly a handful of Muggle zoos. But there is one private buyer who has
“Henriette?” he called. been making repeated, large purchases over the past three months. The
“Oui?” replied Henriette, cracking into existence at his side. manufacturer will have a shipping address on file. How you decide to go about
“You are a scallywag.” obtaining that information, I leave to you.”
“Je ne connais pas ce mot,” said Henriette, shrugging her lack of comprehension. Draco took the document, unsure of what impressed him more -- Granger’s
“The roses, Henriette.” work, or the fact that she had somehow squeezed in the time to do this amongst her
“What about them, Monsieur?” obscene amount of existing commitments.
“They are too much.” “Thank you,” he said, examining the document.
“Too much what, Monsieur?” “An attempt to make amends,” said Granger. “Plus, I feel awful for the Nundu.”
“Too much everything, Henriette.” This made Draco sigh through his teeth. “If this leads anywhere, I shall need to
“Il faut se laisser ensorceler, Monsieur.” make amends for McLaggen.”
Which was just what Draco was asking for, really -- unsolicited mysticism about “I’m not sure that’s possible,” said Granger, wrinkling her nose. “I saw things. I
allowing himself to be bewitched. heard things.” “I’d offer you an Obliviate, but...”
“Take them away, Henriette.” There was a knock on the door. One of Granger’s students brought in a package,
“They are at the peak of their bloom, Monsieur. It seems a pity to waste them.” hissing with a slightly leaky cooling agent, that needed to be signed for.
“Nevertheless, I’d like--” “Another pet project,” said Granger in response to Draco’s interrogative glance.
“One of -- well, far too many.”
“Oh!” came Granger’s voice. “The roses!”
“I’ll let you get on with it, then,” said Draco, rising.
Henriette gave Draco a long look which suggested that, as always, she knew best,
and if he’d stop second guessing her, he would also stop making a fool of himself, the As Draco made for the door, Granger called, “Malfoy?”
silly boy. “What?”
Granger was clutching her hands together, standing before the table. “How “Be careful, won’t you?”
beautiful! I’ve never seen this variety -- is it double-flowered? -- and the colouration, it’s Draco waved over his shoulder and left.
so deep!”
“It’s the Apolline,” said Henriette. “The rose garden is quite resplendent with
them, Mademoiselle. You should go for a walk after dinner. I am sure Monsieur Granger’s lead ended up being rather a solid one. How could it be anything else? It
would be pleased to escort you, in Madame Malfoy’s absence.” was Granger. The shipping address led Draco to a nondescript importer, who was
The Monsieur in question gave Henriette a quelling look in the face of this fresh passing the goods on to a known small-time miscreant, who was transferring them
impertinence. Granger, however, found a vast delight in the idea, and said that she to a warehouse, which was being accessed at indecent hours by a handful of other
would adore it, and asked where the Apolline had come from, and how long they had known delinquents, who were dropping them off at a ruined fort in Norfolk. The
had her, etc.? fort was suspiciously well warded for an abandoned place. And nearby Muggles had
“Food first, then feminine ecstasies about the rose garden,” said Draco. recently submitted noise complaints -- apparently, something occasionally roared at
Granger and Henriette both regarded him coolly and made Draco feel the weight two in the morning.
of their Low Opinion of him. Draco informed Tonks and they began to put together a mixed team of Aurors
and Magizoologists, preparing for a full-scale raid in three days’ time.

256 | The Dinner Eighteen | 277

 “That’s an entirely different affair.” Henriette indicated that she would fetch their first course.
“I disagree vehemently. But let’s not get sidetracked, or we shall never get to the Granger took her chair with a sniff. “I wouldn’t want myfeminine ecstasies to get
point.” in the way of your masculine appetites, of course.”
Draco gestured at her to proceed. She gave him a hard stare which informed him Draco hid a smirk in his cognac. “And what do you know about my masculine
that she didn’t require his permission on that front. appetites?”
“I had a think about what you said, about how your man was keeping the “Only that they are unrelenting.”
Nundu down. They’re meant to be all but impossible to keep in captivity.” “Accurate.”
“Correct.” “And impair your judgement.”
Granger pulled some documents out of an envelope. “I assumed that you’d “Sometimes.”
already have checked up on all tranquiliser suppliers or manufacturers in the UK, “We can only hope they will be satisfied by Henriette’s entrée, then perhaps we can
Magical or Muggle, to see if you could find anything interesting.” have a civil conversation about roses, uninterrupted.”
“Naturally.” “Partially satisfied, probably.”
“My thinking is that he’s finding a supply of incapacitating agents overseas -- Granger regarded him with narrowed eyes, as though she was detecting the
black market -- otherwise the sheer quantities he’s ordering would be sure to raise double-entendre, but wasn’t quite sure he meant it. Draco decided to let her stew in
eyebrows. And I assumed you’d also have looked into all of the remote drug the incertitude.
distribution systems you could think of, to see if that would lead anywhere.” “Tourteau frais, décortiqué par nos soins,” announced Henriette, as she and Tupey
“Obviously.” Draco rolled his hand in an impatient gesture. “Skip to the arrived with crab and herbed butter.
findings, please.” They ate. Granger was dainty about it, as she tended to be, and easily distracted by
Granger gave him a long look informing him that she would get to the findings long looks out past the terrace and onto the candle-lit grounds. Now she had her chin
when she got there, and should any impatient twats have objections, they could propped onto the back of her hand, and was gazing at the evanescent beauty of a row
fuck off. of poplars, whose young leaves shivered in the breeze like silvery medallions.
Draco’s hands occupied themselves with the panna cotta instead. Draco half wanted to interrupt her and bring her back to the important things
Granger resumed. “Given that your man is a wizard, I thought it’d be unlikely (himself), but it was also rather nice to sit in companionable silence and sip their
that he’d go for a dart projector -- he wouldn’t know how to use a gun. Nor could drinks. Dinners at the Manor were normally agenda-driven affairs, with either the
he install a sophisticated vaporiser system for the immobilising compound he’s guest or Draco having something to gain or something to lose. This one was unique
using, not if he’s hop-skipping across the country with this poor beast. Ingestibles for its lack of any of those pressures; Draco had no manoeuvering to do and knew he
would be too difficult to dose, especially if the Nundu refused to eat.” wasn’t being manipulated against. They were merely eating together as he made small
“All excellent deductions.” reparations for a burnt fish pie. Granger had no designs on his fortune or his person.
“The most portable, failsafe system would be something wizardish he could Sometimes, being with her was easy.
modify to use a ballistic syringe, filled with his tranquiliser of choice, wherever he’s “Risotto au basilic,” said Henriette, sweeping away their crab and depositing a
sourcing that. And as it turns out, there are very few ballistic syringe manufacturers, plump dollop of risotto in front of them instead. Basil wafted deliciously off of it.
globally. Did you know that?” “How do you know so much about roses, anyway?” asked Draco.
“No,” said Draco. “My mum used to grow them,” said Granger, with a kind of laboured insouciance.
“Me neither. It was a convenient discovery -- narrowed the search down rather a “Used to? She’s quit the hobby?”
lot.” Granger pushed her document towards Draco. “This one does the most “I don’t know. I haven’t seen my parents in a few years.”

276 | Amends Seventeen | 257

 “Oh.” “We use you to lure him out to the pub. Get a few pints in him. More than a
Given that she was trying to look unaffected, Draco did not question her further few, given the fellow’s sheer mass. A spot of Veritaserum, just because he knows how
on the subject, which he thought showed great delicacy. to Occlude. Take him out round the back, tie him up, pry open his eyes, and voilà.
However, Granger continued. “I Obliviated both of them during the war. Sent Answers. He’d wake up with a bit of a headache and be on his merry way.”
them to Australia to keep them safe. By the time I’d found them again, it was too late “And you? A nice fine and loss of your job for breaking about thirty laws?”
to reverse the spell without risking damage to their minds. They’re living quite happily Draco waved those minor, vexatious concerns away.
in Adelaide and have no idea that they ever had a daughter.” “May I suggest that at my next meeting with him, I simply ask him?” said
Ah, yes, just what Draco had been hoping for. Some light-hearted reminiscing Granger.
about wartime tragedies. Draco paused his striding to consider this. “And you think he’ll be honest with
He didn’t bother with words of sympathy because he didn’t really do those, and you?”
she wouldn’t believe he was being sincere, anyway. “I don't know. But it’s a start -- and a rather less drastic approach than yours.”
“This explains how careful you are with Obliviate,” said Draco. “When do you next meet him?”
“Oh, yes. It was a hard lesson to learn. Minds -- memories -- aren’t to be tampered “We’re to continue talks in a fortnight.”
with lightly. And I systematically dismantled 18 years’ worth. That had repercussions.” “All right. But I’m going to be there.” Granger opened her mouth to speak.
“It kept your parents alive,” said Draco. “No,” cut in Draco. “This is the same man you met the week someone tested
“It did. At a cost.” Granger finished her wine. “Anyway -- it’s too beautiful an out your wards. Who lied to you about being a Muggle. And who was Occluding
evening to be maudlin. Let’s talk of other things.” so hard I bruised my brain trying to get in. Don’t argue with me.”
Draco finished his cognac so that her empty glass didn’t feel lonely. He was “...I was just going to ask if you could be Disillusioned, if you were going to be in
sensitive that way. He eyed Granger. “You rather look as though you have a subject in the same room. So he isn’t immediately suspicious about me having an escort.”
mind.” “Oh. Yes.” Draco swept to the other end of the office. “But I’ll be close. I didn’t
“Broken promises,” said Granger. Accusation lingered in the statement. like how he looked at you.”
Draco raised an eyebrow, feeling rather targeted. “I’ve broken a promise?” “How he looked at me?” “Too hard. Too much.”
“Yes.” One of Granger’s eyebrows quirked at him. “His eyes aren’t half so penetrating
“Have I? Illuminate me.” as y-- as other people’s, I can assure you.”
Just as Granger was about to speak, Tupey cracked into existence to suggest a “He didn’t smell right,” said Draco, swishing his robes about him to pivot again.
Sauvignon Blanc for the next course, given that it was fish. Draco and Granger agreed. “What does that even mean?”
Tupey served the wine and Disapparated. “I don’t know. Instincts, Granger. I wish you’d be more in touch with yours.”
“The archaeologists’ report on the Celtic ruins,” said Granger. “The ones you “I prefer hard facts, as a rule.” Granger sniffed. “Can we set aside the mystery of
found under the dungeons. You never sent it to me.” Larsen for a moment, to talk about your convict? And will you sit down, before
Draco sat back in theatrical shock. “You’re right. I never did. Caught en flagrant your spinning about makes me ill?”
délit.” Draco sat. “He’s not a convict until he’s tried and sentenced. But yes. Lars the
“Je sais,” said Granger, looking grave. “A terrible breach of trust.” Arse can wait. Tell me what you’ve been up to -- sans permission, of course. I would
“Will you ever forgive me?” like to register my disapproval, incidentally.”
“No. I quite fancy holding a fearsome grudge about it. Perhaps launching a The look that Granger leveled at him was most unimpressed. “O, because you
wholescale feud.” ask for my permission to jump into my life all the time.”

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 Draco resumed his pacing. “He was Occluding as he was speaking to you in the “You say that as though the houses of Granger and Malfoy weren’t already
café. Whatever he’s told you he is -- he isn’t.” feuding,” said Draco.
Granger stared. “I’m going to set aside the question of why you were spying on “True,” said Granger.
my guest at a meeting that had nothing to do with you--” As Granger mulled over this new complexity, Draco waved Henriette towards
“Good, that’s not the important bit.” them and sent her to fetch the archaeologists’ report. Henriette returned with a thick
“--But I’ve looked into Larsen. I do background checks on everyone I consider roll of parchment in her hands and a quizzical look on her face.
for collaborations. He is everything he said he was.” Here Granger rose and rifled She then offered to fetch other reading materials more suited to a summer evening,
through a filing cabinet, pulling out a few sheets of paper. “PhD from LMU such as some books of French poésie?
Munich, the European Commission has confirmed all of his patents, his firm went “No, thank you, Henriette -- that will be all,” said Draco. “Mademoiselle has
public last year and very much exists -- he’s invited me to visit, in fact...” peculiar literary tastes and prefers to read about dead monks.”
“Invited you to visit? I can tell you now you’re not bloody going. Why is he Henriette Disapparated with a shake of her head.
pretending to be a Muggle?” Granger accepted the scroll with a smile playing across her lips. “When you put it
“I don’t know. Maybe he doesn’t know I’m a witch? I met him at a Muggle that way, I most certainly sound peculiar.”
conference; I don’t introduce myself as Doctor Granger the Witch at those events. Draco shrugged. “Peculiar is, at the very least, not boring.”
He might do the same.” “I accept your poorly delivered, backhanded excuse for a compliment,” said
Granger was looking at Draco like he might be making much ado about Granger, unfurling the scroll.
nothing. Draco disagreed. “I wouldn’t want you to become conceited, you know.”
“And the Occluding?” prompted Draco. “No. You are unerringly vigilant on that front.”
“I’ve no idea,” admitted Granger, pressing a finger to her lip as she thought. Granger sank into the report, leaving her risotto to grow cold on her plate. She
“He knows you’re a witch,” said Draco. “He must do. The wizarding world is occasionally remembered Draco’s presence, which was signaled by an “Oh!” and then
too small for him to never have heard of Hermione Granger, unless he’s got nano- a sharing of some fascinating snippet or other.
ears on top of his nano-brains.” Henriette Apparated with the next course and gave Granger a reproving look
“Nano-brains? He’s quite a brilliant scientist.” when she took stock of the situation.
“And also a brilliant Occlumens. Who was making damn sure that, if you “Mademoiselle! J’ose vous rappeler que vous êtes à table.”
happened to have a peek in his mind--” Granger jumped and blurted out an apology, and tucked the scroll away. She looked
“Which I would never do -- I’m not even a Legilimens—” abashed as
“--If you did, you wouldn’t see anything. He’s hiding something.” Draco almost Henriette took away the risotto (now a congealed lump) and replaced it with the
walked into the wall and pivoted to stride forth again. fish.
“Stop bouncing about like a sodding ping-pong ball.” “Turbot poêlé, artichauts poivrade et citron confit.” Henriette deposited Granger’s
“I’d like to interrogate him,” declared Draco. fish and artichokes with particular firmness, with intimations that if she did not
“Interrogate him?” consume it all, there would be Words to be had.
“Friendly-like.” The effect of Henriette’s menacing looming was somewhat lessened by the fact
“Please tell me what comprises a friendly interrogation by Draco Malfoy; I’d love that her nose barely came above the table. However, Granger, wide-eyed, said the
a laugh.” turbot looked utterly delicious, and crammed a few forkfuls into her mouth under
Henriette’s watchful eye.

274 | Amends Seventeen | 259

 Satisfied, Henriette Disapparated. Larsen turned back to Granger. “Yes -- my apologies, Professor. I thought I’d
Granger choked down her fish with the help of some wine. heard something.”
Draco was holding back laughter. “You look properly terrorised.” They continued the conversation, though Larsen’s responses were reduced to
“She is frightening.” Granger cast a furtive glance over her shoulder and then distracted monosyllables.
looked back at him. “And I’m sorry -- that was terribly rude of me. I got engrossed and Draco's first reaction -- to supplex the man through a table and ask him what he
I -- I didn’t realise.” was playing at -- was made difficult by the crowds. (To say nothing of the fact that
“I should like to have a look about for a Boggart,” mused Draco between his own Draco wasn’t actually certain that he could throw him.)
bites. “Perhaps in one of the spare rooms.” His second thought was to Stun Larsen and rip through his mind to discover
Granger blinked. “A Boggart? Whatever for?” what his designs were, but again, the crowds, and besides, the man was an
“I have a feeling yours will now take the shape of an eighty year old French house- Occlumens. He’d need to soften him up first, then render his brain into purée.
elf and I’d like to confirm the theory.” Granger checked the time and rushed the meeting to its end. Larsen shook her
Granger bit at her lip to keep from smiling. “You think you’re terribly funny.” hand (her entire arm, really) and weaved through the tables. Draco saw him
“I am,” said Draco. systematically observe every patron in the café as he walked to the door. Was this just
“And what form would yours take, should we go Boggart-hunting?” to remember faces, or was he a Legilimens, too?
Draco sat back and steepled his fingers together. “Now, that’s a question. I haven’t Draco followed Larsen into the street with vague thoughts of a Stunner to the
encountered one since the war. I’d like to think it would no longer be Voldemort back and a Side- Along to an Auror holding cell for a friendly chat. However, as
springing up at me like an Ennervated cadaver.” soon as Larsen found a doorway out of view of the Muggle public, he
“Well, what’s frightened you recently?” Disapparated.
“Would you like me to be honest with you?” Draco did not like that at all.
“I’d prefer it, but I don’t expect it,” sniffed Granger. He was a mixture of perplexed and irritable as he rejoined Granger at the café,
“There was a moment today, on your doorstep, when you looked like you were Disillusion removed. For her part, Granger hadn’t any idea of what had just
about to Transfigure me into an insect and stamp on me.” transpired, and she met his approach with a cheerful wave. She had bought him a
coffee and one of those toffee panna cottas, but it was simply Not The Time.
Granger looked as though she were making special note of this new idea. “What
kind of insect?” “Let’s go to your lab,” said Draco in lieu of a greeting. “We need to talk in
private.”
“I don’t know -- I’d assume a loathsome little cockroach.”
Granger’s cheerfulness faded. “Oh -- but I--”
“Nigh unkillable,” said Granger, shaking her head. “Poor choice. I’d go with
something more squishy. Though, if I was to kill you, I’d like you to know that I “In private,” repeated Draco.
wouldn’t use Transfiguration.” Granger snatched up the coffee and panna cotta as Draco swept her out of the
“Oh, good. That wouldn’t be sporting. How would you do it, then?” café.
“Perhaps tie you up and let Crookshanks have a go. Then I’d only be an accessory When they arrived at Granger’s office, she sat at her desk and Draco began to
to murder.” storm from one end of the small room to the other.
“The first part of that sentence was promising, until you brought in the cat.” “Are you going to tell me what’s wrong?” she asked.
Draco paused in his pacing, his Auror robes whipping dramatically about his
boots as he did. “Larsen. He’s not a Muggle.”
Granger’s eyebrows rose to her hairline. “...What?”

260 | The Dinner Eighteen | 273

 Draco was grateful for the instructions, as he typically arrived early and charged Granger took no notice whatsoever of this mild flirtatious overture. She was
into cafés, shouting about brooms. He tossed the Jotter aside to check Granger’s reminiscing. “He nearly suffocated Ron, once. Laid down across his face while he was
schedule. The Muggle in question was Gunnar Larsen, the head of Skjern sleeping. I harbour a private fear that it was on purpose.”
Pharmaceutics. “Well, that’s settled, then: my new Boggart is your cat.”
At 5:55 p.m. a Disillusioned Draco strode to the Muggle café at Trinity College, Granger didn't give him the honour of an all-out laugh, but she hid a smile behind
curious about Granger’s ostensible lead on Talfryn. a sip of wine.
He saw her through the café window, still deep in talk with a man. Draco had Henriette returned to inspect Granger’s progress. Granger said that it was all
formed a comfortable mental image of this Larsen fellow: a smallish and thin delicious, and that the artichokes in particular were the most perfectly prepared that
scientist type, probably balding and bespectacled. she had ever had the pleasure of eating.
Instead, sitting across the table from Granger, was a six-foot-something, eighteen Henriette said, “Parfait. They have a great many health benefits, you know,
stone hulk of a man. His hair was reddish-blonde, as was his rather impressive artichokes.”
beard, and his eyes were a penetrating blue. “Do they?”
He was a Viking in a three-piece suit. There was probably more curly chest hair “Oui, oui, so many nutrients and vitamins. They are also an aphrodisiac.”
peeking over the top of his collar than Draco had grown since puberty. Henriette Disapparated after conveying this vital information.
Draco decided that he didn’t like him. Granger contemplated her empty plate with a kind of consternation. Draco dearly
Still Disillusioned, he slid into the café after an exiting customer and leaned wanted to laugh.
against a wall to eavesdrop. Granger and the Viking were chatting mostly in jargon “I’ll know what to blame, should you get handsy,” said Draco.
(his, slightly accented). Granger was explaining, in that passionate way of hers, Granger turned her gaze to his equally empty plate and said, “Likewise.”
something about adaptive immune systems and microenvironments. Larsen Tupey and Henriette Vanished the empty plates and served dessert.
responded something about checkpoint inhibitor therapy, to which Granger “Millefeuille à la vanille de Bourbon,” said Henriette, presenting the final course
replied with vast enthusiasm. with a flourish. Tupey proposed a sweet Sauternes wine to accompany it, which
The Viking’s eyes were riveted on Granger in a way that Draco didn’t like. There Draco and Granger accepted.
was something predatory about it -- something hungry. And Granger was Granger pressed her fork into the tender millefeuille. “Henriette, Tupey, I need to
gesticulating away and too busy being excited about nanobiologics to notice. thank you. This meal was a great deal better than what I was going to have tonight.”
Suspicions began to percolate: was this meaty Muggle going to try to steal her ideas? Henriette curtseyed and Tupey bowed.
Make money off her? Literally eat her? “I’m certain Miss Mabel makes a cracking fish pie,” said Draco.
There was only one way to find out.
“Pardon? Who is Miss Mabel?” asked Henriette. “Is it your house-elf,
Draco’s dive into the man’s mind was over as soon as it began. He found himself Mademoiselle?”
butting against extremely sophisticated mental barriers, the likes of which only a
“No,” said Granger. “She is, er -- she makes fish pies that you can buy at the shops.
highly trained Occlumens would have in place. Well, I’m not actually sure she’s a real entity; it’s all marketing, probably...”
So Granger was wrong. The man wasn’t a Muggle.
“Frozen fish pies,” said Draco to Henriette. “Frozen pies that Mademoiselle keeps
The Viking, feeling the attempted intrusion, turned to where Draco was frozen, and then pops in the cooker when she has half a moment to think about
Disillusioned. His piercing eyes roved across crowded tables, trying to pick out his feeding herself.”
attacker.
Henriette gasped at this revelation. Tupey’s hands flew to his mouth.
Granger asked him, “Is everything all right?”

272 | Amends Seventeen | 261

 “And when that fails, Mademoiselle has two tins of tuna and some dried lentils.
Those are the entire contents of her cupboards.” Draco grew grave. “I’ve seen many
troubling things in my life, Henriette, but Mademoiselle’s cupboards are another
thing entirely.”

18
Henriette’s hands were upon her heart; her eyes were wide. “Non!”
“Oh, oui. I’ve seen it with my own eyes.”
“Monsieur is slightly exaggerating,” said Granger, her grip on her fork suggesting
that she might poke Draco with it, if he didn’t stop scandalising the elves.
“You’re right,” said Draco. “There was also a box of crackers, only a few years old.
Bit dusty, but still good.”
Henriette and Tupey both looked at Granger and seemed ready to weep.
Amends
“I hadn’t gone to the shops yet this week,” said Granger, in an attempt at
reassurance. “That’s why my cupboards were so empty. I was a bit busy.”
“O, yes,” said Draco. “Because they’re usually filled to bursting, aren’t they?”
He’d been waiting for Granger’s under-the-table kick, and it came. He snatched her
ankle in his hand and tutted. I have something for you.
Granger tried to regain possession of her foot, but Draco informed her that being
kicky meant that she had lost foot privileges.
— came a Jot from Granger a week later.
Henriette was oblivious to the exchange, too busy being distraught about why
nobody was helping Mademoiselle and her empty cupboards? Tupey seemed on the
verge of hyperventilation. I think you lot would call it a lead.
“I have a Modest Proposal,” said Draco. On the Nundu-baiter.
Granger’s leg twitched. Draco’s grasp held firm. And that was all it was -- a grasp.
Her ankle was bare and soft under his palm, and his fingers were curious about the
delicate shape of her bones, and what it would feel like to trace them, but he did not Well???
partake. It remained a grasp. Because this was Granger. And he had no interest
whatsoever in caressing her ankle. Off to teach. Can you meet at
And if he had any interest in doing so -- which he didn’t -- it would be the fault of 6?
the artichokes.
Granger didn’t quite seem to dare demand her foot back out loud in front of Where?
Henriette, because that would lead to uncomfortable questions about why she had
attempted to kick Monsieur at the dinner table, which was a gaffe far greater than The café at Trinity, said Granger.
reading. I've got another meeting there just
“What Proposal?” asked Granger in a kind of growl, as of a cat caught by the scruff before. If I run late, don’t barge in
of its neck. shouting about brooms. It’s with a
Muggle.

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passing hour shocked them anew because it felt like they’d only just sat down beside “The house-elves are bored out of their skulls without my mother and her fêtes --
each other on this damp bench amongst the roses to witter away the evening. why don’t you give them permission to pop in once or twice a week, and fill up your
The memory of that night would remain with Draco for a long time afterwards, cupboards? At least until my mother is back?”
moon-kissed and sweet. The light in her eyes, the taste of wine, the glitter of starshine “Absolutely n—” Draco gave Granger's ankle a squeeze before she could devastate
in the fountain, the slow seduction of the roses. the elves.
Il faut se laisser ensorceler. Henriette and Tupey swiveled towards Granger as she spoke, hearts in their eyes at
the thought of her empty pantry just waiting for attention. Henriette’s hands were
pressed against her breast; Tupey’s were folded into a kind of supplication. Their
swimmy eyes positively shimmered.
Granger’s voice died.
“Absolutely necessary, I think Mademoiselle was going to say,” said Draco to the
elves.
Granger gave him a look suggestive of a second incoming kick, if only she wasn’t
frightened of losing possession of her other foot, too. She gave the elves her best
attempt at a smile. “Perhaps Monsieur and I could discuss the details in private?”
“So it’s a yes, Miss?” asked Tupey, breathless.
“Of course it’s a yes,” said Henriette, starry-eyed. “Mademoiselle would never be so
rude as to turn down Monsieur’s offer. She is too bien élevée.” Granger’s smile was
quite fixed.
The elves bowed and curtseyed half a dozen times, then Disapparated to the
kitchens to share the good news.
“You would try the patience of a saint,” said Granger through a clenched jaw.
“Return my foot before I turn you into that cockroach.”
Draco relinquished possession of her foot, probably a bit slower than necessary, the
tips of his fingers brushing at her ankle as he let go.
She noticed. There was a flush of pink across her cheekbones. Possibly the wine.
Possibly other things.
“I’ve only spoken to one saint, and she quite liked me,” said Draco, running his
hand through his hair.
Granger, blush notwithstanding, was exasperated. “She’d only spent five minutes
in your precious company, not long enough to discover how endlessly aggravating you
are. Like imposing house- elves on me, of all people. What was the thought process, if
any, behind that decision?”
“I saw a problem that was in my capacity to fix,” said Draco. “It’s a life philosophy I
learned from a rather clever witch.”

270 | The Dinner Seventeen | 263

 Granger stared at him. The double blow of her own words and the genuine Kiwi?! repeated Granger. Kiwi, said Draco. Granger said that she would have him
compliment threw her entirely off-kilter. She sat back, struggling to remain cross. “You sent to an otolaryngologist, if he didn’t stop this nonsense. Draco said the only
are -- you are simply --” nonsense here was the word otolaryngologist.
“Indescribable, I know,” said Draco. The sweet paralysis was coming over him again, of not wanting to move, of
“Must you always have the last word?” lightness in his veins, of limbs feeling weightless and eyelids feeling heavy. He wanted
“Only on the rare occasions when you permit it.” to put his chin where her neck met her shoulder and just stand there. He wanted to
Granger was struggling with her lingering annoyance and amusement. Her eyes say things in her ear and feel her shiver against him. He wanted to linger here, being
sparkled with it. It made for a rather lovely picture. stupid about kiwi, for an age or two. He wanted to float.
“When does your mother come back to England?” It was the wine, certainly. And the artichokes.
“Not for another fortnight,” said Draco. “Then you’ll be free of the elves. But in They moved to the next roses, small wild things that grew in bunches and smelled
the meantime, you’ll have given them back their joie de vivre.” like vetiver. Granger asked if she might pick one. Draco did so for her; it seemed
Granger was looking in the direction of the kitchens. “Very well. But only because I ungentlemanly not to. And he gave it to her, his arm wrapped around her from
don’t want Henriette to think me mal élevée for rejecting your offer. I think she would behind, and their fingertips touched, and that was as close as they could get -- touching
take personal offence.” fingertips over a rose.
“If Henriette had concerns about your upbringing, she would’ve snubbed you She looked over her shoulder at him to say thank you, and their eyes met, and hers
from the beginning. She is a rather opinionated elf. Now eat your millefeuille, or she’ll were dark and curious and his were light and keen, and it was universes colliding. It
be scolding you again.” was all of those contrapositions of Light and Dark and Muggle-born and Pure-blood
Granger turned her attention to her plate. Draco sipped at the sweet wine. and Order and Death Eater and terrible incompatibility after terrible incompatibility.
“What was the whipped cream for?” asked Granger. The violent polarities that made them who they were.
“That is a private matter and it would be best for you to forget it.” They fell into each other a bit, in that moment of collision, a bit drunk, a bit soul-
“Hm,” said Granger, studying him over her glass. tangled. She slid the rose into her hair and turned away.
They finished their desserts. They came to the end of the rose garden, where the hedges grew thickest and
Henriette materialised and kindly reminded Monsieur that he was meant to take stupidities might be said most freely. Where terrible incompatibilities stopped
Mademoiselle through the rose garden. Then she stood, her small hands curled onto meaning so much, because, here amongst green boughs and the rustling breeze, they
were just a man and a woman, meandering through a garden, being idiots about roses.
her bony hips, and stared intimidatingly at him until he got up and offered his arm to
Granger. They found a seat on a stone bench near a fountain adorned with chubby Cupids.
Granger curled her legs under herself. The rose in her hair was askew, so Draco
Granger’s touch on his arm was light, at first, but after a few steps, her grip
reached over to fix it, expecting to do so suavely but finding instead that he was
tightened. “Shit. Is the ground a bit wobbly, or am I completely battered?”
transfixed by a feeling of exquisite nervousness, the likes of which he hadn’t felt since
“We are both steeped to the tonsils in wine,” said Draco. “Tupey’s attentions were
he was a teenager. Granger breathed out a thank you. Her cheeks were pink.
-- unrelenting.”
They talked of things inconsequential and not, of roses and cupboards and scars
It was a miracle neither of them had said something tipsy and stupid yet -- but the
and war and and artichokes and fish pie. They looked up at the smouldering stars, and
night was young, and the path to the gardens beckoned, and the possibilities for
the nightbirds warbled their unearthly cadences, and roses dropped their petals in
stupidities glimmered like the candles that lined the way.
beautiful melancholy. An hour drifted by, and then two, and then three. And each
They wandered through a double row of lilacs heavy with bloom. On their right
stood the greenhouse, its warm glow dappled by the riot of mauve blossoms. The

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Pretty names fell from her lips as she recognised a few: Annabelle, the Wildfire, the breeze made the blossoms quiver in a butterfly-tremble; the light shimmered across
Apolline, the Duchess, Ivory Kiss, Claire, Crimson Romance. the path.
Fairy lights twinkled amongst the rose bushes. Petals drifted onto the path. A In the mingling shadows, Granger held up her hand so that it was silhouetted
nightingale sang and fountains gurgled. Granger, with a kind of dreamy-eyed against the light of the greenhouse.
tipsiness, said it was like being in an enchanted glade. It was steady.
Draco wanted to have a go at her for being sentimental, but he found himself also It was her left hand that she held up. Her arm was bare and against the skin of her
in a soft, mellow kind of mood. The kind of mood in which he might tell a witch that inner arm lay that blur.
yes, the roses were sweet, but she was the sweetest thing in the garden, just to see her Granger turned, intending to continue down the path, but Draco interrupted by
blush. committing the first of the evening’s stupidities. Later, he would blame the wine.
He did not, because he was made of stronger stuff. He took her wrist -- gently, but she nonetheless flinched -- and pulled it toward
Fragrances, delicate and elusive, teased at their noses. Granger tried to name the him.
scents and held up the roses to Draco, so that he could try, and he stood next to her, Granger was shocked. “What are you--?!”
closer than necessary, and they made idle guesses together -- apple, vanilla, clove, “I didn’t realise you still had this,” said Draco.
myrrh, honey -- amongst the damask. He turned her wrist so that the blur of the glamour caught the vacillating light.
His wine-drenched mind collected impressions. Delectable nearness. Being close “Well -- I do.” Her voice was uncertain. She stared at him with a wide-eyed wariness
enough to feel her giving off warmth. The rose she held to his face, so close that his lips -- a wild thing about to pull away and run. She smelled like the sweetness of the
brushed its petals. The moonlight on her skin. The escaped curls of hair at her nape. Sauternes.
The corner of her mouth. The biting of her lip. Eyelashes against a cheek. Two heavy words that Draco had been carrying since Provence came out with
They moved to the next rose. This one, Granger was convinced smelled of difficulty. “I’m sorry.”
apricots. Draco came to stand behind her and leaned over her shoulder. To him, it was “It was your mad aunt, not you.”
tangerine. Granger smelled it again, and said no, apricots, most certainly. And Draco “I did nothing to stop her.” To this, Granger gave no answer.
leaned in closer and said no -- tangerine, don’t be silly. Granger theorised that they “I suppose that if there was a way to heal it away, you would’ve found it,” said
might’ve found an Amortentia rose; that would explain the discrepancy. Draco said he Draco.
would be sure to record this discovery. “I would’ve. I tried a great many things, but...”
They moved on to the next one, a splendid white rose. Granger cupped its heavy
“Some things don’t heal.”
head and drew it out. Draco came behind her again and they both smelled it at the
“No. They don’t.” Granger was quiet for a moment. Then she waved the glamour
same time, and her cheek brushed his chin.
away to reveal the word. “Ugly thing.”
He caught himself, just in time, as he was about to put a hand on her waist. That
The old injury stood clear on her skin, as raw as the day it had been carved. It
way lay madness.
glistened still. Draco’s mouth was cottony and dry. For a moment she was 17, lying as
The curve of her skirts brushed against the front of his trousers. Her hair tickled at though dead on the drawing room floor, mere metres from where they stood. Then
the side of his face. she was Granger again, a burning intelligence, a world-changer, but still, for all that,
Granger said it was coconut and dared him to disagree. Draco disagreed as a matter marked. Draco’s hold on her wrist grew a little tighter -- shame and sorrow.
of course -- it was kiwi. “Does it still hurt?” asked Draco, because it looked too raw not to.
“Sometimes. I’m used to it, now. Or I just forget.”

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 Draco had never had any intention to show her his own inner arm shame -- all the His arm twitched under her scrutiny. He wanted to put the Mark away again: it
more shameful because it had been willingly acquired. was so ugly, so misshapen, so full of hideous memories and shame.
And yet, he found himself unbuttoning his cuffs and rolling up his sleeve. “I don’t think there’s much I could do with this one, either,” said Granger. “In
What was left on his arm was a distorted, half-faded Mark. It was a grotesque mix terms of Healing, I mean.” The thought seemed to make her sad.
of black flesh and raised scar tissue, now, from failed attempts to remove it. “Mine is a memento of some terrible decisions. It’s well deserved. Yours -- yours is a
“Oh,” gasped Granger. wretched tragedy.”
“Mine’s uglier. In every way, Granger. I wanted it.” “It is,” said Granger. Then she added, “Well, they’re both tragedies in different
The gasp had been shock more than horror. She was observing the twisted flesh ways.” More righteous forgiveness. It made Draco want to flee.
with a Healer’s eye, one that had seen worse things. They stood in silence. And now she knew some of his griefs and he knew some of
Granger was silent for a long time. At length, she said, “But you don’t want it any hers. There was an intimacy to it. To being seen. It was unfamiliar, tender to the touch,
more.” unnerving.
“No.” They stood in silence and yet it wasn’t silence, it was thick and dense and whirling.
“That’s what matters.” It weighed upon their eardrums and chests like a pressure.
“It doesn’t erase the past,” said Draco. The defiled arm he held between them was “I should like a pithy conclusion, or words of wisdom,” said Draco, to cut through
an eloquent attestation of that. it.
“No. But the choices you’ve made since define you more than those you made “Yes, please,” said Granger. She seemed relieved.
then.” “I meant from you.”
“Do they?” Granger clasped her hands before her and looked up to the stars, as though she
“You were sixteen years old. You were -- we were all -- child soldiers flung into a war, might find the pithiness there. “The Ennervated cadaver of a man who gave us these
trying to do what we were taught was right. Trying to protect our loved ones.” scars is quite dead.”
“Must you be so terribly forgiving?” “And we’re alive.”
“It’s been fifteen years,” said Granger. She lowered her own arm. She looked weary. “I think that’s good enough.”
“I can assure you that I’ve ruminated on the matter at length. I’ve forgiven those who Draco rolled his sleeve back down and did up his cufflinks. Granger glamoured her
deserve it.” scar back to the discreet blur.
“It rather interferes with my wallowing in self-reproach.” “It’s too beautiful an evening to be maudlin,” said Draco.
“Wallowing isn’t productive.” “I do not sound that swotty,” said Granger.
Now it was Granger’s turn to take his wrist. She pulled it to a triangle of light “You do. Shall we have a look at the roses? Have your feminine ecstasies at the
amongst the shadows and leaned in to observe the Mark more closely. Draco wanted ready.”
to pull away -- but she had been brave enough to let him look at hers, so he mustn’t be They wandered down the path that curved through the candlelight until they
a coward now. reached the rose garden. At their feet, Midnight Violets peeped, here and there, lured
Her finger brushed over scarred ridges and half-melted flesh that had never felt the out by the crescent moon.
touch of another's hand. Their footsteps were slow and drunk and deliciously aimless. It was perfect; Draco
She looked heartsick. “You tried to curse it off?” knew too little of roses to give a real tour and Granger was content to meander from
“Yes,” said Draco. Amongst other things. “Years ago, now.” one to the next without plan nor purpose, touching at their loosely cupped petals.

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 “If you two are at odds as much as you say, I’m certain she’ll soon insult you in The Disillusioned Aurors slipped into a kind of inner courtyard. Goggin got a
some unforgivable way and quite put out whatever tentative flame burns in your Stunner off on the drawly wizard just as he’d lifted his wand to raise the alarm. A
breast. At this early stage, feelings are delicate.” broom whizzed by Draco in the dark. He hit it with an Incendio; it was a smouldering
“She called me an opportunistic ghoul and I almost kissed her.” stick by the time it reached Talfryn’s waiting hand.
“Goodness.” “They’re here!” said Talfryn, backing into a corner behind a half-collapsed pillar.
“Her eyes were afire; she was moments from strangling me. It was surprisingly “Finite incantatem! Finite incantatem! Hominem Revelio!”
arousing.” He was casting the spells in the general direction of the passage the Aurors had
“Oh, my,” breathed Theo. “You’re waxing lyrical about eyes. That’s dangerous.” emerged from, hoping to hit someone and break their Disillusionment. His
“Is it?” remaining acolyte joined him behind the pillar and did the same, forcing the Aurors to
“Terribly. You’ll be attempting sonnets next. Then it won’t be a crush anymore, take up defensive positions behind piles of rubble.
it’ll be love.” Talfryn swept his wand into the air to set off an intruder alarm. From a room
Draco shuddered. “Bloody fucking hell, no.” behind them came footsteps, and then, suddenly, the courtyard was crawling with
Theo set down his glass with great finality. “I shan’t read your poems, if it two dozen wizards.
happens. I’m telling you now, I refuse. They’ll be soul-shrivellingly horrid.” “Shit,” hissed Humphreys.
“There will be no fucking poems,” said Draco. “I may have to brute force my Things had just become interesting.
way through this. When thoughts arise, simply quash them.” “I’ll take the left with Goggin,” muttered Draco to Humphreys and Buckley. “You
“Quash them.” two stay here and distract -- mind you keep moving so they don’t pin you.”
“Yes.” Now that they were heavily outnumbered, there would be no fighting nice. Which
“That doesn’t strike me as healthy, old boy,” said Theo, peeling a grape. “But was excellent, because Draco preferred to fight dirty -- Disillusioned and with liberal
what do I know.” use of Legilimency. Goggin was an excellent partner; the Irishman was a brawler at
“Nothing, as this conversation has made amply clear. I’m going. I needn’t ask heart and loved an opportunity to get messy.
you to keep this to yourself.” Goggin’s Disillusioned shape bobbed behind him as Draco weaved to the ragged
“Obviously.” line of men that was forming around Talfryn. He went ahead, softening the ranks
“I should Obliviate you, just in case.” with Stunners while Goggin cleaned up after.
“But I won’t remember how to defend you against Luella’s aspersions.” When he tired of garden variety Stuns and Petrificus Totalus, Draco added a little
spice. Having identified the better fighters through observation or Legilimency, he cast
“Bah,” said Draco, stalking out of the salon.
a few of the more magically demanding Turncoat jinxes -- and briefly, those
“Give my regards to Hermione,” called Theo, a definite smirk in his voice.
opponents fought for the Aurors, until their colleagues cursed some sense into them.
“Fuck you.”
Buckley and Humphreys pounded Talfryn’s line with explosive spells and kept
their enemies’ attention on the front of the courtyard. Aguamenti was being sprayed
where things (or people) had caught fire and added a heavy steam to the atmosphere.
Over the next few weeks, Draco grew pleased with himself -- the quashing worked. This was ideal for Draco and Goggin, who were even more difficult to spot within.
Whenever his mind strayed towards Granger, he redirected his thoughts violently to They continued their advance towards Talfryn. Goggin came behind Draco to
other things. Work. Investments. Society dinners. Nundu venom. Voldemort. Stun any who were still twitching after his passing. He secured them with the
Tonks. He developed a veritable arsenal of subjects to launch at suspect thoughts,
satisfying click of the cuffs.

320 | The Mortifying Ordeal Begins Nineteen | 285

 Draco’s Legilimency showed him one man’s intent to collapse a pillar into the “You must be grateful to her.”
corner where Buckley and Humphreys had holed up. Fatigued by his repeated Draco eyed Theo, but Theo seemed to be pursuing this line of enquiry
Stunners, Draco switched it up -- a flick of his wand took the wizard out at the knees. innocently. “Of course. I’ll be making a contribution to St. Mungo’s in thanks.”
Then he blinded him. Then he severed his Achilles tendons. All non-lethal measures, “Are you still working together?”
of course; Draco played by the rules. Mostly. “Yes,” said Draco. “Where are you going with this?”
Gradually, their adversaries became aware of a growing stillness on their left flank as “Nowhere,” said Theo. “I’ve merely heard that she’s extraordinary.”
Draco and Goggin moved in, while Buckley and Humphreys hammered them with “Right.”
an unfriendly barrage of spells. “I should invite her to my next party,” mused Theo. “Introduce everyone to the
An unlucky Finite Incantatem hit Goggin and revealed him. Goggin Disillusioned witch who saved our Draco’s life.”
himself again immediately while Draco levitated the big man to a spot fifteen metres Draco, quite certain that he was being baited, now, merely sniffed. “If you think
away, just before a Bombarda exploded where he had stood. a swotty Healer would be an exciting addition to the usual crowd.”
“Cheers,” came Goggin’s throaty whisper. “I think she might be. And just think -- we could have a dance, and quite shock
They continued their advance. Stun, curse, Legilimens, dodge Finite, Stun, Luella with the sight of Granger cosying up to you...”
Turncoat Jinx, Draco was deaf to the remainder of the sentence; his cognitive functions were
Impedimenta, dodge, blind, Legilimens, Stun. entirely occupied by the lovely notion of holding Granger in his arms. Backless dress
Their numbers reducing alarmingly, Talfryn’s remaining men were now again, certainly. Green was fine. Or black? She would probably be a vision in black.
Disillusioning themselves as well, screeching Protego! and scattering across the And heels that brought her to just the right height for--
courtyard. It was the Aurors’ turn to fire Finite Incantatem at will. No. Fuck.
The Anti-Apparition Ward was a double-edged sword. Draco dearly wished that “Right,” said Draco, sharply, to conceal his imbecilic flight of fancy. “I’ll be off.
he could Apparate to Talfryn’s side and take him, but he was only two-thirds of the You’ve proven to be quite useless.”
way there. “I could help you procure some version of a hate potion. But you know that its
At Draco’s count, there were only four opponents left, plus Talfryn. effects would only be temporary.”
Buckley was hit with a Finite emanating from somewhere near Draco. Suddenly in “As I said: useless.”
the realm of the visible, he was forced to dodge behind piles of boulders before a “I think she’s a lucky witch, personally,” said Theo, settling back into his chaise.
friendly Disillusionment from the east side of the courtyard removed him from sight “Whoever she is. I’ve never known you to develop anything more romantic for a
again: Humphreys. witch than a desire to spaff all over her tits.”
Draco systematically ploughed the ground near him with Petrificus Totalus until “And you?”
he got the Disillusioned wizard who had hit Buckley. Three left. “I’ve loved and lost,” said Theo with a tragic sigh.
“Yer man’s goin’ for that chain,” gasped Goggin. “And spaffed.”
Draco whirled to see Talfryn launching himself at a dangling chain connected to an “O, yes.”
ancient pulley. The pulley was connected to a large grille laying across a hole in the Draco pressed his fingers to his eyebrows. “I need to skip forwards to the lost
ground. part and carry on with my life.”
“Shit!” said Draco.

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 Theo whistled. “You're lucky I'd drunk most of that. It’s been aging since I was Both Aurors aimed desperate long-range Stunners at Talfryn. By some miracle,
some sort of zygote. And now look at it -- meeting its demise because Draco Malfoy Goggin hit the man’s leg and Draco his shoulder, but Talfryn had already wrapped his
has a crush.” arms around the chain and his Stunned body pulled it down.
Draco Vanished the shards of glass. “It’s not a crush.” There was a grating sound as the grille was slid out of place. Then a rumbling
“Then what is it?” growl shook the very stones under their feet.
“It’s -- fine. Fine. It’s a bloody crush.” The Nundu leapt out of its underground prison and was now loose in the
“When do you see her next?” courtyard. A fetid odour accompanied it, enough to make the weaker-stomached
“I don’t know. I don’t want to. I think it’s better that I don’t see her at all. Let men retch.
this wear off.” The Aurors called out their retreat; they were not equipped to deal with this beast.
“Absence makes the heart grow fonder,” said Theo. Draco heard Goggin’s breathless run at his side as they sprinted for the passage.
“Then what do you suggest? I don’t want to see her again; I’ll just be a moon- The Nundu turned to them.
eyed fool trying to find excuses to put flowers in her hair.” As it transpired, Disillusionment did not work on Magical felids. Draco made a
“I’d say find someone else to distract you, but I’ve a feeling that was your first note to tell Ridgewell, should he survive long enough to speak to her again. The beast
line of attack, and a miserable failure.” was tracking their movement, as well as that of a handful of other invisible-to-them
It irritated Draco profoundly that Theo was right. “And how would you know figures in the courtyard.
that?” As the Nundu’s eyes slid over him, Draco felt, for the first time in his life, what it
“Word travels. You’ve brushed off quite a number of witches in the past few felt like to be prey -- the yellow gaze had a paralysing effect. The creature’s movements
months, you know. Feelings have been hurt.” were so easy and sinuous they were hypnotic. Its scarred, Magic-repelling hide,
“Ah.” bristling with venomous spines, rippled as it walked. Draco’s wand felt as useless as a
“Apparently, you’ve become picky. Some are blaming Narcissa for reining you twig in his hand.
in. Some are speculating that you’ve begun looking for a wife. Luella suggests He and Goggin stilled and looked at the ground, as they had been taught by
sudden-onset impotence.” Ridgewell. It was one of the singular most difficult things Draco had ever done. His
“Charming witch, that one.” every instinct was screaming at him to flee or to fire a Bombarda at the creature’s face.
“What shall I say, the next time I hear your good name being tarnished?” He could hear Goggin swearing a constant stream of fuck under his breath.
“My mother does make a convenient excuse.” There was a scuffle at the passage that led to the exit. Two of Talfryn’s men were
“Done.” Theo Summoned another wine bottle and placed it away from Draco. fighting to get through before the other. The Nundu leapt, crossing the courtyard in
“Aren’t you having any? Or is dramatic pacing your libation of choice tonight?” two graceful bounds. The men’s Disillusionment dissipated as they died, one crushed
by the creature’s weight, the other casually decapitated by the sweep of a paw. His head
“I can’t,” said Draco. “G-- my Healer said I had to remain off the sauce for a
rolled to Draco’s feet like a gory Quaffle.
fortnight. I’ve got to wait til Tuesday”
The passage was too small for the Nundu to enter. It turned its attention back to
“Poor darling. I shall have one for you, then. And tell me about your Healer -- it
the courtyard, its nostrils flared wide, venom drip-dripping from its muzzle. It was
was Granger, wasn’t it? Apparently it was quite a scientific coup, what she pulled,
sniffing for something.
saving your hide.”
Another of Talfryn’s Disillusioned men made a run for it. He was summarily
“It was.” Draco endeavoured to look nonchalant. “She attempted to explain it
killed, cut in two bloody halves by a bite.
but I can’t pretend I understood a word. Muggle methods, you know. My eyes
quite glazed over.”

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 That was, at Draco’s best count, the last of Talfryn’s crew. Now there were only “Are they kissing in the moonlight sorts of daydreams? Or naughty fantasies of her
Aurors left standing. in bed? Or -- gasp! -- weddings and kidlets?”
The Nundu turned its nose back to the wind. It found what it had been sniffing “Shut up.”
for: Talfryn’s “All of the above, then,” said Theo. He ate a grape and looked satisfied.
Stunned body. “None of them. Fuck off.” Draco swept into a corner of the room, stood poutily
Talfryn was snatched up and tossed into the air like a child’s plaything. He hit the for a moment, and then stalked back towards Theo. “There are a hundred -- a
wall with a musical crunch. Then the creature eviscerated him with an easy swipe and thousand -- reasons why I shouldn’t be having any of these feelings.”
began to eat. “Enumerate the reasons.”
Slowly, amongst the wet sounds of Talfryn’s innards being slurped up, Draco and “No.”
Goggin moved towards the passage. Draco hoped that the Disillusioned Buckley and “But I want to know if they’re valid.”
Humphreys were doing the same -- no sudden movement, no eye contact, just an “You’d narrow down who she is in a moment. No.”
uninteresting drift towards safety. “I’ve already narrowed it down,” said Theo. “Now it’s just a matter of confirming
The Nundu raised its head. It looked to the east of the courtyard. my theory.”
Humphreys. “What’s your theory? Actually, I don’t want to know. Don’t answer.”
The creature ambled towards the eastern corner with a kind of lazy anticipation. “Are you Occluding?” asked Theo.
Draco couldn’t blame the young Auror for the explosion of spells she cast towards “Yes.”
the beast; he would’ve done the same, had he been cornered. She sent something “Come off it. I’m not a Legilimens.”
cutting at its face; it shrugged it off with a sneeze that scattered venom in a two metre “It makes it easier to think about these idiocies without -- eurgh -- feelings.”
radius. “Would she make you happy?”
Draco raised his wand; Goggin’s Disillusioned arm by his side did the same. “No. We can hardly stand the sight of each other. We are fundamentally
“Confrigo, as hard as you can go,” said Draco. incompatible.”
They slashed their wands downwards with identical timing, causing their spells to Theo pressed his hands to his chest. “Oh, this is delicious. Much more interesting
twin together and hurl like a fireball towards the beast’s flank. The spell exploded than your usual sordid tales. Top three at least.”
upon impact, leaving their ears ringing. Humphreys was hit by the percussive force of “I’m sorry, I didn’t realise that we rank my dalliances.”
the blast; she hit a wall and lost her Disillusion. Draco could see her crawling away
“We do.” Theo ate another grape. "Out of pure intellectual curiosity, would she
through the smoke.
make your mother happy?”
And the Nundu? It had been knocked sideways by the explosion, but now it
Draco paused and thought for a moment. At length he said, “I haven’t a bloody
regained its feet and shook its mane, as though this had been a playful shove and not a
clue.”
deadly spell.
“Hm,” said Theo. “That weakens my theory.”
It turned the considerable weight of its attention to Draco and Goggin. “Shite,”
“Good.”
said Goggin.
Draco resumed his agitated striding across the salon. His whirling robes caught
They raised their wands. The beast leapt. Goggin hit it with a Bombarda in its
Theo’s bottle of wine and it shattered against a wall.
open mouth, which bought them a moment of respite as it landed, mere metres from
them, and hacked out a cough wet with venom. Draco’s Blinding Jinx was next, aimed
at the eyes, almost at point-blank range.

288 | The Nundu Twenty-One | 317

 Draco called an Emergency Meeting with Theo. It did nothing but seal one eye shut -- and piss the thing off.
They met at the Nott estate, a few days after Draco’s doorway dawdle with Draco and Goggin scrambled backwards as pneumatic whizzing filled the air.
Granger. Draco cut a dramatic figure as he paced through the salon, black robes The Magizoologists had come. They peeked out of the passage and peppered the
streaming behind him. He had, by this point, quite worked himself into a lather. beast with the ballistic syringes and their own tranquilisers. At this distance, half of the
Meanwhile, Theo, being an idle sort of fellow (unlike Draco, who was a syringes were bouncing off the Nundu’s hide.
champion of industriousness) was reclined on a chaise, a glass in his hand. Being Buckley, limping badly, was dragging Humphreys towards the safety of the
useless, as always. passage. Fernsby stood guard in front of the Magis and thickened the air with
“If you told me who she was, I might be able to advise you better,” said Theo. “I Protegos before darting out to assist Buckley.
don’t want your advice.” Ridgewell Conjured a herd of small leaping things which danced around the beast
“Then what are you asking of me?” and distracted it for a moment, until it vomited out its venom and they all dissolved. It
“I want -- I need -- I don’t know -- a bucket of cold water to the face.” bought enough time for Draco and Goggin to pull themselves behind a boulder.
Theo flicked his wand. A bucket, brimming with icy water, was conjured. Draco The Nundu’s attention turned to Humphreys and Buckley.
slashed it away. “Not literally, you absolute spanner.” A dozen syringes were embedded in its shoulder and neck -- to, so far, minor effect.
Theo looked put upon. “You’re giving me terribly mixed messages. I only want The Magizoologists levitated half a dead doe, stuffed with tranquilisers, towards the
to help.” creature. It batted the doe aside, having learnt in the course of its captivity not to trust
“I need an anti-love potion.” Draco came to an abrupt halt. “Do those exist? A any meat except what it had killed itself.
hate potion.” The Magizoologists launched projectiles full of inhalant sedatives which exploded
“Who do we want to hate?” asked Theo. “Don’t we hate everyone, anyway?” at the beast’s feet. This had been their last-ditch plan, as the inhalant would be just as
“We do. Except her. But I need to hate her. Well -- perhaps nothate. Dislike. Or -- dangerous to the Aurors as it would be to the beast. Draco and Goggin cast Bubble-
or rather, continue to be annoyed by. Not like, anyway.” Head Charms at each other and staggered further away.
Theo sipped at his wine. “Why?” The Nundu stepped through the purpling cloud with a hiss, and, finally, showed
“Because I’m Draco Fucking Malfoy, and I don’t do fluffy fucking little signs of slowing -- one eye jinxed shut, blood running from its mouth, sedatives in its
emotional entanglements with -- with fucking--” bloodstream and lungs. Its remaining eye was fixed on the stumbling Humphreys and
“Who?” Buckley, who were both now being dragged by Fernsby.
“Her.” Draco saw the sweep of the tail and the lowering of the hindquarters that signaled
“Perhaps you should. You might find them more spiritually enriching than your an imminent pounce. He slashed his wand towards the chain and pulley and whipped
usual quick fuck.” the chain around the Nundu’s hind leg just as it leapt. Goggin joined him, his wand
“I don’t need spiritual enrichment.” crackling with effort as they pulled the chain backwards through sheer force of magic.
The Nundu was forced back, its claws digging deep gouges into the rocky ground.
“Mm. I disagree.”
The injured trio of Aurors collapsed into the relative safety of the passage, leaving
Draco scoffed, paced some more, then ran a hand through his hair. “It’s bad.”
Draco and Goggin to face the beast. The Magizoologists were scrambling to distract
“How bad?” asked Theo.
the creature, Conjuring a female Nundu (ignored), more meat (swatted aside), prey
“Bad. Daydreaming. Daydreaming. Me!”
animals (ignored), a cage around it (smashed to bits), and, finally, launching enough
“Ooh,” said Theo with a delighted squirm. “Tell me about the daydreams.” immobilising agents to sedate twelve rhinoceroses.
“No.”

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 Draco believed the tales, now, of a single Nundu wiping out entire villages in However. A Something of any kind between himself and Granger was
Eastern Africa. dangerous and unacceptable. The obvious -- ghastly -- insurmountable -- issues of
The Nundu had half-collapsed -- the sedatives were finally working. Its remaining their history and baggage and general antagonism aside, she was his Principal, and
eye was bleary, its mouth hung open, its legs grew boneless. It bared its fangs at Draco Somethings were strictly prohibited between Aurors and their charges. Attraction
and Goggin and a hot stream of venom jetted out at them. They dodged and were was one thing, but feelings (if he was to give a term to the Something) were a
separated by a hissing black-purple flow. violation of the Code of Conduct -- and of common sense. Draco broke a great
Draco was on the side of its remaining good eye. He aimed another Blinding Jinx many rules, but this one was not one that he was willing to flout. Feelings clouded
just as the beast turned its heavy head to him and bared its fangs again. judgement and endangered Auror and Principal both. It was sloppy. It was
He got the beast in the eye, the beast got him across the throat with searing venom. negligent.
The pain of it shocked his system. His Bubble-Head Charm vanished. He gasped And, furthermore -- furthermore! -- Draco detested feelings. They were an
out to breathe and took in a lungful of sedative-filled air. irritation and a distraction at the best of times and a hideous vulnerability at the
As the Nundu finally collapsed, so, too, did Draco. worst. He had successfully
dodged feelings in all of his entanglements with the fairer sex, including his
engagement to Astoria. It was a good habit to cultivate. It kept things clean and tidy.
Draco awoke to a white ceiling streaking past him, as though he or the ceiling were It kept him unconquered and free.
moving at high velocity. There were raised voices and indistinct words and sounds of And now he had them. Lingering at Granger’s door and getting lost in her eyes
general chaos. Running feet, clinking equipment, the whirr of wheels. amongst the wisteria had opened a monstrous Pandora’s box of them. Feelings.
Then there was a crisp voice of command. The voice was reassuring, somehow. It Mild ones, but still. Thoughts. Daydreams. They crept up on him when he least
was the voice of Competence and Order, and it was Good. expected them, when he was eating breakfast, or arresting a Dark wizard, or
His body was no longer his body; it was a thing chiefly composed of pain. He dodging a Bludger. They had absolutely no business being in his head, and yet they
were.
could not scream.
His ears caught words and communicated them to his numb brain. Envenomated. He sighed wistfully approximately two hundred times a day. He replayed
Respiratory depression. Paralysis of the diaphragm. Lethal dose. memories of old conversations with Granger, those back and forths that were
sometimes easy banter and sometimes the crossing of swords. The smell of roses
And then, distantly, he could hear a scream. But it was not his -- it was his mother’s.
made him calf-eyed and stupid. He daydreamed about the kisses on his cheeks and
“Get her out,” said the Voice of Competence. “I’ll speak to her when I’ve saved this
the delight of the hug. When he woke up hard, he thought of Granger doing other
one’s life.”
things -- vivid imaginings of which he was not proud, afterwards, but, fuck it, they
were easy to get off to.
He checked his Jotter for missed messages from Granger daily. Pathetic. He
Draco awoke to another white ceiling. This time, it was not whizzing by impossibly sought out stupid reasons to Jot her. Also pathetic. He paid more attention to the
fast. He took this development to be good news. ring than usual. Even more pathetic.
Other good news: he felt no pain. In fact, he felt excellent. He had never felt so He resisted the urge to check her schedule and happen to pop along where she
wonderful in his life. Full of vitality. Full of joy. was, but the fact that he had the urge in the first place was excruciatingly pathetic.
“Full of painkillers,” came a kindly voice. “You’re stuffed to the gills with them, Patheticness abounded since the night under the wisteria. It needed immediate
child. Don’t try to get up. I’ll fetch your Healer.” rectification.

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 The kindly voice belonged to a matronly sort of witch in light green St. Mungo’s
robes. A nurse. Draco watched her leave, giggling at the odd fish-eye effect occurring in
his vision, which made her bum hilariously large. Then he blinked and the walls began
to squeeze inwards. If he closed his eyes, he saw kaleidoscopes. An orange cat and a

21
Nundu, whirling into each other, fighting one another in concentric spirals, on and
on and on.
He opened his eyes again. He was at St. Mungo’s. He was alive. Shouldn’t he be
dead? “You should,” came the cutting Voice of Order.
“Am I saying everything I’m thinking?” asked Draco of the ceiling, with a deep
philosophical curiosity.
The Mortifying Ordeal “Yes, and you will for another few hours, at least. You’re on a little cocktail that
affects neurotransmission. It was the only way to manage your pain during the
Begins procedure. You’ll probably experience hallucinations -- if you haven’t already, of
course.”

D
The swot was strong with this one.
raco spent a pleasant few days in a state of floaty delight. Nothing could
In a kind of slow motion, Draco turned his head to observe the Healer. Her deep
anger him. He was adrift on happy little clouds. He didn’t argue with
green robes swam into sight. Her mouth was set in a straight line, but her dark eyes
his mother about whatever functions she strong-armed him into
were warmed by concern. She was beautiful. The light behind her glowed into a
attending. He wholeheartedly hugged Zabini when he next saw him. He charmed a
blinding halo. He thought he heard the sound of hymns.
Gringotts goblin into a minor policy breach. At work, he greeted Potter and
“How are you feeling?” she asked.
Weasley so pleasantly that they tackled him to the ground, convinced that he was
Imperiused. “Positively top-hole,” said Draco. “Are you an angel?”
It was then -- with his face in Potter’s armpit -- that Draco began to realise that The Angel-Healer did her utmost not to laugh -- which was an angelic sort of thing
something dangerous was afoot. Something unbecoming of Draco Fucking Malfoy. to do, and only further proved her secret identity.
Then the feel-good began to ebb and reason began to flow. Draco, face removed “You can trust me,” said Draco. He attempted to tap his nose but poked himself in
from Potter’s disturbingly moist armpit, devoted a considerable amount of time to the eye instead. “I’ll keep your secret.”
wondering what the fuck was wrong with him. If he was to be honest with himself The Angel-Healer did not respond; she was reading a chart. “I had an operation?”
-- unpleasant sensation -- it was the Something with Granger. It was a Something asked Draco.
which he had been nursing for a few weeks. Perhaps a few months. “We’ll talk about it later. When you’ve slept this off a bit.”
When had it begun? He wasn’t certain. There were, now that he was looking Something about her authoritativeness was terribly familiar. “I know who you
back and attempting objectivity, certain pivotal moments. Perhaps when they’d are,” gasped Draco.
danced. Perhaps in Provence. Perhaps when she’d touched his scarred mess of a “That’s good.”
Mark. Perhaps when she’d brought herself to magical depletion to rescue him from “You’re Hermione Granger.”
a nonexistent threat on the Quidditch pitch. Or when she’d called him a strength in “Correct.” She rose. Her robes danced about her in green swathes of colour. “Your
her SWOT analysis. It might have been when she’d grown wildly enthusiastic about mother is frothing to be let in. She Flooed back from Italy as soon as we sent word.
moss. He didn’t know. It had been gradual and slow and easily ignored.

314 | The Mortifying Ordeal Begins Nineteen | 291

But I want you to sleep first. I’d prefer you to have your mouth under control before His touch lingered probably too long. He wondered what to call this thing, this
you see her. All right?” stealing of glances and touches and moments. The headlong giddiness impelled by the
“Fine,” said Draco. most platonic of hugs. The wanting to be near. He wasn’t foolish enough to call it
“Excellent. Have a nap. We’ll talk again when you wake up.” love, and it was too delicate for lust, but it wasn’t nothing, either. It was Something.
Draco, with an effort, patted the bed. Yes. Unless he was very much mistaken, there was Something, between himself
“Join me,” said Draco. and Granger. And wouldn’t that just be an exquisite catastrophe.
“No.”
“Why not?” asked Draco in a long sort of whinge.
“Because you don’t know what you’re saying,” said Granger. There was restrained
amusement in her voice. “I hope you don’t remember this, for your sake.”
Draco, with a distant thrill of horror, heard himself say, “I want to kiss you.”
“No you don’t.”
“Come and sit in my lap.”
“Go to sleep, Malfoy.”
Granger was a distant figure now, melding in and out of the shadows of the
corridor. She shut the door behind her.
Draco closed his eyes. The Nundu and the cat continued their whirling battle, on
and on until he fell asleep.

Draco woke up again. Something about the sun streaming through the window told
him that it was the next day.
Unfortunately, he remembered every word of his conversation with Granger.
Where was the Nundu? Could it come and finish the job of killing him?
The kind nurse was back. She fussed a bit over Draco’s sheets and then applied a
paste that smelled strongly of pine to his neck.
“Dittany?”
“Vahlia. It should help with the scarring.”
The nurse cast a few diagnostic spells on him and seemed satisfied by the results.
“You are doing remarkably well, Mr. Malfoy, all things considered. Your mother is
here. Do you feel like seeing her? You needn’t if you don’t want to.”
Draco nodded.
A few minutes later, his mother rushed in and embraced him in her thin arms. She
looked frightfully shaken, pale, and tired. She perched next to the bed and fussed over

292 | The Nundu Twenty | 313

 “Has anyone told you that you might be stretching yourself too thin?” asked him at length, enquiring about how he felt, how his neck felt, whether he could
Draco. breathe, whether he could swallow, how he had slept, and so on and so forth, until
“Mmyes. Not even an hour ago, at the pub.” Draco’s mouth grew dry and he had to call for water.
“Good.” Draco learned that his team had made it out of the fort with a mix of injuries,
“Did Harry and Ron put you up to reinforcing their message? Or Neville? though none as dire as his. This was his third day at St. Mungo’s.
Ginny?” The Nundu had survived and been transported back to the wilds of Tanzania.
Draco scoffed. “I wouldn’t serve as their messenger boy. I am happy that they And the baddies? The beast had taken its blood-soaked revenge on Talfryn and
noticed and aren’t abysmally useless friends.” company. Many were dead. Those that had survived the courtyard massacre were
“O, because you and your friends are the quintessence of selfless love and awaiting trial.
support,” said Granger, raising a brow at him. Narcissa squeezed Draco’s hand. There were tears in her eyes. “But enough about
“Absolute paragons, Granger.” them. I am so -- so happy to see you well. I very nearly lost you. I don’t know what I
“Tss.” would’ve done.”
Granger was framed by the golden glow of the cottage behind her -- soft lights and Narcissa stopped and took a deep breath to force down a sob. She didn’t like to cry.
a fire in the hearth. Her shadow flickered across the stoop. Draco’s shadow was darker, “I’m going to be fine, mother,” said Draco.
cast from behind, a moon-shadow intersecting delicately with hers. Narcissa straightened and dabbed at her eyes. “Don’t be cavalier about it. You
He watched the twine and unwind of their shadow selves as Granger shifted to a almost weren’t fine. You almost died. The Granger girl -- Healer Granger -- she was
lean. instrumental. Nobody knew what to do. That venom doesn’t have a known
And it was a strange thing, because she was tired, and he was on his way out, and antivenom. Most of the Healers didn’t even know what a Nundu was. Neither did I,
yet, it felt like they were both lingering. mind you -- what possessed you to go in pursuit of such a creature, I shall never
He wanted to linger. It was sweet to linger. To stand under fading wisteria, understand. You were as good as dead. But she knew things. Muggle things, I think.
watching their mingling shadows, and bicker about unimportant things. There was She whisked you away for four hours -- I composed an entire eulogy in my head -- and
something terribly precious about it. Perhaps because it was unnecessary. It was for the when she came back, she said you were going to live.”
pleasure of it. It was Just Because. Draco squeezed his mother’s hand. He attempted humour. “Will you write the
He watched her for a shift, for a sign of impatience, but there was none. Only a hip eulogy out for me? I should quite like to read it.”
against the door jamb, an arm held loosely at her waist. She was talking about his Narcissa sniffed. She rose and strode to the window with her back to Draco. Her
mother now, asking him to tell her that she adored the flowers. He said something in thin shoulders shook
return, something that she could respond to, to continue to stretch out the moment. “Can’t you take a desk job?” she asked breathily. “Quit this terrible Auror
She laughed at something. Their eyes met. Draco felt woolly-headed and vague. It business?”
was the anaesthesia again, the feel of the world in flux, a slow spinning. Granger was There was a knock on the door.
idly plucking a few strands of wisteria. He asked if that was the extent of her flower Narcissa wiped away her tears. With her back ramrod straight and her usual severe
arranging. She said yes, was he impressed? And passed him the droopy bouquet. expression back into place, she went to answer.
He said it was the loveliest thing he had ever seen. He reached to take it. He drew It was Granger. She wasn’t wearing her Healer robes, today -- it was her professorial
his fingertips against hers. Muggle attire. Another of those high-waisted skirts and silky blouses.
In his veins, not blood, but lightness. “Oh -- er, I’m sorry for interrupting,” said Granger. “I can come back later.”

312 | Draco Malfoy, The Errand Boy Nineteen | 293

 Draco couldn’t really see what happened next -- his mother lunged into the about. There was no other explanation for being so stupidly giddy about a single
corridor with her arms spread wide, and all he heard was an oof from Granger as she stupid hug.
was, presumably, hugged quite hard. “Gorgeous!” said Granger, pointing to another illumination, a green dragon.
There was the sound of weeping. Some awkward words of comfort. Then his “That’s from the legend of St. George. And there’s his cross -- the red and white bit.”
mother’s heels click- clacked down the corridor. Her voice, thicker than usual, asked “Right.”
where the loo was. Granger seemed to sense that she had lost her audience’s attention. With a small,
“Er -- your left,” came Granger’s voice. “No, your other left.” A door slammed. happy sigh, she shut the book. “I’ve almost finished digitising the entire thing. Then
Then, silence. I’ll have this copy sent to the library at King’s Hall. The head librarian will fall out of
Granger poked her head into Draco’s room. “And how are we?” her chair. I was going to offer it under your name.”
“A sight better than her,” said Draco. “Make it a joint gift, rather,” said Draco.
“She’s had a rather distressing few days. She was convinced that you were going to “Done,” said Granger. She waved the stasis charm around the tome back to life.
die.” “We’ll give the head librarian another reason to fall out of her chair.”
“So I gathered.” “How so?”
“One of my attendants had to Stun her.” “Our names? Together? On a gift?”
“You Stunned my mother?” “She’ll think one of us lost a bet.”
“Yes. She went quite mad when she saw you on the stretcher. She was a danger to “Let her. Better than the lurid truth about blackmail and reparations for
herself and hospital staff.” McLaggen’s nurse fantasies.”
“I am terribly sorry that you had to witness that.” Draco grimaced. “At least Malfoy-Granger has a decent ring to it.”
Granger’s expression grew rather wistful. “It means she loves you very much. “I beg your pardon? It would be Granger-Malfoy, if it was going to be anything.
You’re lucky to have that.” Alphabetical...” Granger’s sentence drifted off as she attempted to smother a wide
“...Right.” yawn.
Granger was being a bit standoffish, hovering at the door. Draco took the hint. “I should be off.”
“Aren’t you coming in?” asked Draco. “Sorry,” said Granger, yawning again. She accompanied him to the door.
“Oh, I’m not on duty today. I was just popping round to see how you were getting “Positively knackered.”
on. I’ve got to be at Trinity in a quarter hour.” “You look it.”
“Teaching?” “Charming. Thank you.”
“Examining. A PhD viva.” Draco could’ve voiced a secret truth about how fatigue somehow became her.
“Are you going to be nice?” How the smudges under her eyes spoke of the tireless work of a brilliant mind.
“In direct proportion to the strength of the candidate’s thesis.” Granger stepped How her haphazard plait looked fetchingly artless and invited the play of fingers
back into the corridor and glanced down it. “Should I send someone to check on your amongst escaped tendrils.
mother?” He could’ve. He didn’t. He wasn’t stupid.
“No. Let her compose herself. She detests crying and she loathes public displays of Granger opened the front door. Draco passed her to get out with a fleeting
affection, and she’s just done both with you.” brush of his arm against her shoulder. He stepped into the moon-bathed July night,
sweet with the full scent of summer.

294 | The Nundu Twenty | 311

 The words were out of Draco’s mouth before he could stop them. “You can, you “Perhaps I should leave, before she comes back,” mused Granger. “She won’t have
know.” to relive the ignominy of the hug so soon.”
“I can what?” Draco agreed; however, there was one thing that he wanted to address, in private,
“Squeeze the life out of me.” before Granger left -- his anaesthesia-fuelled idiocy.
He hadn’t expected the force of her launch. She jumped to reach his neck, locked “Might I borrow your wand?” he asked. “Whatever for?”
her arms around him, and squeezed him into a hug of earnest gratitude. He “I -- unfortunately -- remember the things I said yesterday.”
wrapped a single polite arm around her -- to keep balance, or something. She “Oh.”
smelled like tea and sugar and she felt delightful against him. “I’d rather like to Obliviate myself.”
“One day,” said Granger, somewhere in his neck, “I’ll explain to you why this “No self-Obliviations. You can use Firewhisky, just like everyone else.” A bit
matters so much.” cheeky, sometimes, was Granger.
Draco waited for his tongue to supply him with a witty response, but he found “Right,” said Draco. “Then I’ll be off to the pub as soon as bloody possible. When
himself experiencing an absolute lexical blank. Nothing witty was forthcoming. can I leave?”
Nothing unwitty, either. Granger finally abandoned her post at the door to enter the room. She examined
He was as good as Stunned. the documentation variously pinned or floating above Draco’s bed. Then she cast a
He made a tactical error in glancing down, and then he saw her warm eyes, and series of diagnostic spells which glowed in abstruse green schemata above his chest.
her smile, and oh no. Now he wanted to wrap his arms around her -- truly, not this “Frankly, I could have you discharged tomorrow morning,” said Granger. “But no
half-arsed thing he had going -- and lift her up. Make it a real hug, a whole body alcohol for at least a fortnight, I’m afraid. You’ve just survived a lethal toxin, kindly
thing, full frontal contact -- that’s what he wanted. And maybe deposit her on the allow your body to recover before you begin to imbibe another.”
back of the sofa; it seemed the right sort of height. And then -- other things. “Not even a Butterbeer?”
He did not do these things. Because he was not an idiot. And she would run “No.”
away shrieking. And probably slap him. It was Granger. “But I have things I need to forget.”
Granger, satisfied with her squeeze, released him and returned to the book, “So do I.” Granger’s mouth quirked.
utterly unperturbed, while Draco stood wordlessly by like a tongue-tied cretin. “Bloody hell,” said Draco, running his hand down his face.
She returned to her enthusiastic guided tour of the tome, pointing to some “It happens all the time,” said Granger.
marks along the edges of the pages. “Even the marginalia is undamaged -- that’s a “All the time.”
few hundred years’ worth of commentary, you know. Layers and layers of it. “Yes.”
Fascinating. Look. Look. Malfoy, you aren’t looking.” “You get called an angel all the time?”
“I’m looking,” said Draco.
“Truly.”
He was a liar; he was floating off somewhere in the furthest reaches of the
“And invited for a nap?”
universe in a happy daze.
“Yes.”
Granger continued her demonstration. “The illuminations on this page are
“And sitting in laps?”
really sumptuous. D’you think that’s real silver leaf?”
“So frequently I’ve stopped taking notice.”
“Er -- could be,” said Draco.
“Fuck,” said Draco, reliving the memory again.
His bloodstream was awash with feel-good hormones. He was thirteen years old
and a girl had hugged him. There was Time-Turning afoot. That’s what this was

310 | Draco Malfoy, The Errand Boy Nineteen | 295

 “I’m going to go now,” said Granger. There was a warble in her voice, the kind that In a moment that was as epiphanic as it was startling, Draco realised that it
indicated that she was on the verge of laughter. wasn’t him -- or any other Pure-blood -- who was pure. Granger was purer than
She left. Draco did not -- repeat, did not -- look at her bum as she walked away. For them in every way that mattered. Of heart and of mind. Of purpose. No family tree
all he knew, some lingering trace of the cocktail would make him blurt out something or convoluted intermarriages or tapestries, only purity of intent.
stupid. He looked about, half expecting a herd of unicorns to descend upon her cottage
All right, so he stole one glance when she was already well out of the room. to be stroked by her.
Narcissa returned, nose powdered, eyes glamoured to be bright rather than red. “Although, frankly, at this point, even a new coat of paint and a Cheering Charm
“A brilliant girl,” she said of Granger. “Quite brilliant. But what in heaven’s name on Healer Crutchley would be a vast improvement,” said Granger, returning to the
was she wearing today?” present. “I should ambush her and do it myself.”
Draco did not inform her that he rather liked it. Narcissa had endured a great She noticed Draco’s silent stare. “What?”
many shocks already. “Waiting for the unicorns to arrive,” said Draco.
Finally convinced that her only son, her treasure, the apple of her eye, wasn’t about “The unicorns?”
to pop his clogs, Narcissa retired to the Manor. “Nothing,” said Draco. “Never mind.”
Draco joined her there the next day and was near-suffocated by the joint attentions Granger rose to take their empty mugs to the sink, eyeing him over her shoulder
of his mother and the worried house-elves. For the next week, his every step -- amongst with suspicion. Draco also rose, to bring their spoons, even if he could’ve just as
a steady stream of friends and well-wishers -- was haunted by either an elf or Narcissa easily levitated them over. But she was doing it by hand, and he was in her house, so
bearing Vahlia ointment or restorative soups or warm compresses. He languished in he did as she did, and it wasn’t an excuse to remain in her vicinity at all.
delicious self-indulgence under their care for the first few days, and then grew tired of This fine reasoning concluded, Draco sought a new topic of conversation. “Did
it, and took to hiding in distant reaches of the Manor grounds for the rest of his the book end up being useful?”
recovery. It was an extremely successful choice.
One morning, when Draco was feeling sociable enough to join his mother for “Yes!” Granger clapped her hands together. “It did!”
breakfast in the dining room, he found her hard at work on a truly breathtaking floral “Well I’m glad--”
arrangement. It was alive with movement -- hummingbird hyacinths fluttering, the He had unlocked a floodgate of enthusiasm. Granger dragged him to the front
glitter of ruby poppies, the dance of halla vines. room before he could finish his sentence. The new copy of Revelations was on a
“You’ve outdone yourself, mother,” said Draco. plinth, covered by stasis charms and a small inventory of alarm wards.
“Do you like it? Good. I hope she does, too.” Now Granger spoke in rapid-fire excitement. “You saw how damaged my own
“She?” repeated Draco. copy was (don’t lie, I know you did) -- I had perhaps thirty percent of the text in its
Narcissa spared him a look over her shoulder, as though to check that it was, integral form. I was able to make certain educated inferences but I would’ve soon
indeed, her son behind her, and not a stupid idiot who had snuck in unannounced. hit a dead end.”
“Yes, she. Healer Granger. Who else?” She waved away the charms, cast some sort of protective spell on her hand, and
“She will positively adore it, I’m sure.” opened the book. “In this copy, the second half is almost completely intact. Look.
“It’s to be delivered later today.” Look! Spectacular. I never dreamed that another copy existed, or that it would be
“One of the elves? I’d suggest Henriette, she--” half so well preserved. Having the entire thing at my disposal has been a gift. A gift!
Narcissa interrupted with severity. “A house-elf? Really? That witch saved your life. I can’t thank you enough! I could just -- I could squeeze the life out of you,” she
You are going to take it to her, with as much effusive thanks as you can convey.” finished, wringing her hands in lieu of.

296 | The Nundu Twenty | 309

 “Quantify ‘large.’” She slid a thick envelope under a ribbon at the base of the arrangement. “My
“You’ll find out.” words of thanks, I wrote. I doubt I’d be able to speak them without further hysterics.
Granger narrowed her eyes at him. “Then please direct it to the Janus Thickey I’ve embarrassed myself enough on that front.”
Ward for the hospital’s long-term residents. It’s terribly tired and dingy.” Now Narcissa dusted her hands and stepped away from the flowers, observing
“Done.” them with a critical eye. She called for Tupey to bring more ribbon. “And your other
“As a general comment, it would be nice if there were more windows.” task, Draco, will be to uncover whatever cause is near and dear to Healer Granger’s
“All right.” heart, and ensure that our name and Galleons are immediately lined up in support of
“More private suites, too. A studio for exercising. A piano. A small library. A that cause.”
swimming pool?” “I had been thinking the same,” said Draco.
The final item was proposed with a kind of questioning hesitation. “Unless it’s more of that chicanery about house-elves.”
Draco raised an eyebrow at her. “Right.”
Granger held up her hands. “What? You said large and didn’t define it.” “Or Muggle things. No Muggle things. Well -- perhaps yes to Muggle things. Have
“I promise my definition of large will not disappoint.” they got orphans? See to it that you find out.”
“I’ll withhold judgement until I see something concrete,” said Granger. “Of course.”
“I know -- you prefer hard evidence.” There was a lull in the conversation. Narcissa cleared her throat and, with casual
“Exactly.” insouciance, said, “Speaking of elves -- they mentioned that you’d had a great many
They eyed each other. dinner guests in my absence. I’m glad that you were able to keep them occupied.”
Then Draco asked, “Are we still talking about money?” “Happy to,” said Draco, with an equal measure of insouciance. “They did very
well.”
“Obviously,” said Granger, looking prim. For a moment, he thought he saw the
ghost of a grin, but if it had been there, she mastered it quickly. “They mentioned, en passant, that Healer Granger had been by,” said Narcissa.
“I’ve noted all of your requests,” said Malfoy. “Except the bloody swimming Draco felt that they had just arrived at the real crux of the conversation. “She did
pool; I think they haven’t the room. What on earth do you want a swimming pool come by, yes.”
for? Fancy a dip between patients?” “...Might I inquire about the subject of discussion?”
“Not for me,” said Granger. “Hydrotherapy is wonderful for so many ailments So his mother was going to be nosy about it. Not a surprise.
-- chronic pain, exercising post-surgery, treating nerve damage or spinal injuries. “I had to make amends -- I made her burn a pie,” said Draco.
And for the longer-term residents with significant deconditioning, it's a brilliant “You made her burn a pie.”
way to ease them back into a physical activity, but gently. I know I’m dreaming. But “Yes. We were quarrelling about her otter.”
you did say large.” “Her otter.”
Now Granger lapsed into a daydream, her thoughts far away, in some unrealised “Yes. She was partially in the right, mind you; I did concuss McLaggen.”
Janus Thickey Ward where joyful patients pranced about in an exercise studio, and “You concussed McLaggen?”
played the piano, and did swan dives into pools. She was starry-eyed, her hands “Amongst other things. He hadn’t much in the way of brains anyway. Have we
clasped under her chin, a smile on her lips. finished with the quizzing?”
She hadn’t even taken him up on the offer to fund her own research. Did she “I must confess I’m left with more questions than answers,” said Narcissa.
have to be so good? So giving? So pure? “Henriette also tells me they replenished Healer Granger’s larder?”

308 | Draco Malfoy, The Errand Boy Nineteen | 297

 “Oh, that. Yes -- I was rather dismayed to find that the witch who was to save my “I feel I ought to receive a trophy. Or a plaque.” Draco paused, then added, “No
life was subsisting on dried goods and tinned tuna. And it gave the elves something to -- if anyone’s receiving plaques, it should be you. I didn’t really do anything but
do.” walk into a stream of venom fresh from the source.”
Narcissa looked eminently confused, but said, “Of course.” “I have so many plaques I haven’t any idea what to do with them. A smart-arse
Draco turned the insouciance up a notch. “It was a dinner with a colleague, once called my collection a mosaic, you know.”
nothing more.” “What a clever and amusing observation,” said Draco. “He thought so, too.”
“A colleague?” Having apparently decided that Draco’s unnerving stare had sufficiently abated,
“Ministry business; terribly dull and also top secret. Can’t discuss it.” Granger returned to the table.
“I see,” said Narcissa. “I shan’t pry further, then.” “I’m to ask you if you have any orphans or other noble causes to support,” said
“That would be the best course of action.” Draco. “My mother and I wish to add our considerable clout to whatever issue is
Narcissa’s speculative look was interrupted by a crack. near and dear to your heart.”
Henriette popped into being and curtseyed. “Pardonnez-moi for the intrusion, “That is entirely unnecessary,” said Granger with a decisiveness that would have
Madame, Monsieur. Monsieur Draco, Madame Tonks is Flooing for you.” offended Narcissa. “I was only doing my job.”
Draco left his mother to her confused dissatisfaction. “Wrong answer. Think of something.”
Tonks’ head was protruding from the fireplace in the Floo parlour. “Host a Kneazle information booth.”
She said something that might’ve been “Wotcher,” but might’ve also been a sneeze. “Be serious.”
“Do you want to come through?” asked Draco. Granger looked at him, saw that he was, himself, being serious, and sighed. “I
“No, haven’t the time. I just wanted to observe you with my beady eye--” as she reiterate that I was merely doing my job.”
said this, her eye grew quite beady “--and ensure that you did survive the Nundu “Right. But maybe ‘a bit above and beyond,’” said Draco, echoing Granger’s
venom. The rumours are true. Show me the injury; it must be dramatic.” sentiments in a far- away foyer.
Draco tugged down at his collar, which was gooey with Vahlia ointment. “Psh.”
“Oh, my! Are they saying it’ll heal?” “No? Not at all? With that bit of extracurricular research on the side?”
“Probably,” said Draco, grimacing as he replaced the collar against his still-raw “Perhaps a little,” said Granger, holding back a smile. “I see that I have to watch
neck. “Better it doesn’t -- the scar would be quite dashing.” my tongue with you, lest my own words be used against me.”
“How are the others?” “Likewise,” said Draco, because it was true. “So what will it be? We’d be
“O, you know, a little worse for wear, a bit limpy, a bit bruisy. Goggin and Buckley delighted to contribute to your research fund. I’m told it’s eye-wateringly expensive
are still coughing up inhalant; we’ll have to devise better than the Bubble-Head to run a laboratory.”
Charms, next time.” “Make it a contribution to St. Mungo’s, rather. If you must.”
“And Humphreys?” “Not to your own research?”
“She’s developed a phobia of cats, poor thing.” Now Tonks’ arm was sticking out “No. It would do more immediate good at St. Mungo’s, I think.”
of the fireplace. She shook out a scroll. “But look at this: you lot cuffed twenty “Any ward in particular?”
naughty wizards, all told -- other than the dead ones, I mean. They must’ve been Granger paused to think. “What kind of sum have the generous Malfoys got in
planning for a show that night, that’s why there were so many of them there.” mind?”
Draco crouched to examine the list. “Shit -- we got Hawkes? Kerr was there? I “Large,” said Malfoy. “You saved my life.”
didn’t recognise him.”

298 | The Nundu Twenty | 307

antivenom, technically, but your body could antagonise repeated Alorectin “And Royston. Lovely harvest. One of our best in years. I’d offer you a pay rise,
challenges until the venom broke down and was excreted from your system.” but, you know.” Tonks gestured to Draco’s grandiose surroundings. “It seems a paltry
Now the tiny Draco was sweating and-- sort of bonus, considering. I thought I’d offer you something else as a reward.”
“Is he having a wee?” asked Draco. “Oh?” asked Draco, curious about how one rewards the man who has everything.
“Yes,” said Granger. “Absolute freedom on your next assignment -- you choose from my box of
A tiny nurse walked by and patted the tiny Draco on the head. He got up and surprises.”
did a tiny dance of joy. Then they both faded from existence. “Goody.”
A slowly spinning Alorectin molecule still glowed in violet next to Granger. Her “And I’ll be taking you off the Granger protection jobbie, because that is the kind
finger was on her lip as she studied it. “Yet another fascinating bit of of tender- hearted, grateful cousin I am. I know you were never keen on that one.”
intersectionality between Muggle and Magical therapeutic approaches. Those in- Draco felt himself grow unaccountably tense. “What?”
betweens are woefully unexplored. But, well, there’s only one me. Still -- can you Tonks, under the impression that she was making a grand and generous gesture,
imagine an artificial antigen to combat Nundu venom? An antitoxic serum? It wiggled her eyebrows at him. “I know. I was thinking of Humphreys. They’d get
would serve both worlds...” along, wouldn’t they? Better than the two of you, anyroad.”
She drifted off in thought. Then she blinked, seemed to remember that Draco “Humphreys couldn’t -- Granger has a cat,” said Draco. To his ears, the weakness
was in the room, and resumed her chair. “I’ve left notes for a treatment protocol at of the excuse resonated embarrassingly through the Floo parlour.
St. Mungo’s. They’re going to share with our colleagues in Tanzania. However -- my Tonks scoffed. “Humphie would work around it. Don’t be silly. Or perhaps I slip
hope is that Nundu envenoming on English soil will remain a rare occurrence.” the job to Goggin to keep his nose unbroken for a bit; the man gets into a punch-up
“You really are something else,” said Draco, observing her with his chin propped with every mission...”
on his knuckles. Granger glanced up from her mug and caught his stare. “Stop Now Tonks withdrew her head from the flames. Draco heard her screech, “Someone
looking at me like that.” kill the bloody thing!”
“Like what?” said Draco, softening his eyes further and allowing a vague smile to Her head popped back into view. “Sorry. Weasley is having a crisis: there's a spider.”
creep upon his features. The interval had given Draco time to work out an excuse. “Not Goggin, for
“Like you’re all -- all dazzled.” Granger,” he said, keeping his voice disinterested and neutral. “Not any of them,
“Why?” really. My family rings are a rather key component of the game. I think it’ll be best for
“It unsettles me.” me to stay on this one.”
“Isn’t everyone dazzled by you? Tonks arched an eyebrow. “Really? Are you sure?”
“Yes, but with you, it’s perturbing.” “Yes. We’ve found an -- an equilibrium,” said Draco.
“But I am dazzled. Mesmerised, even--” Granger gave him an annoyed glare. “-- “An equilibrium,” repeated Tonks with unnecessary poshness. She was fixing him
Professor.” with a shrewd look behind the mockery. “All right. The offer stands, should you
With a sound of irritation, Granger rose and went to refill her mug. Draco change your mind. I’ll see you next week?”
thought that she looked flustered. Which was interesting. “Before, no doubt. I’m being suffocated.”
“Anyway, you’ll go down in history as the Auror who fought a Nundu and Tonks tutted. “Poor darling. Enjoy the remainder of your convalescence. My regards
lived,” said Granger over the sound of pouring water. to Narcissa.” Tonks’ head disappeared from the fireplace with a pop.
As the flames in the hearth resumed their normal colour, Draco was left to
ruminate on the unexpectedness of his reaction at the thought of losing the Granger

306 | Draco Malfoy, The Errand Boy Nineteen | 299

assignment. His response had been almost physical, almost jealous. He dearly hoped Granger eyed him as though deciding how much dumbing down would be
that Tonks hadn’t noticed. required in her explanation. “Well. As soon as you mentioned that there was a
He also pondered the uncomfortable question of why he hadn’t let the Granger Nundu on English soil, I thought it would be useful to do a bit of research.”
job go. Some immediately obvious reasons sprung to mind. Well, not exactly reasons -- “Of course you did.”
memories, rather, of specific moments: a golden evening on a beach; the way she bit “No magical hospital in the UK, nor the entirety of Europe, is equipped to
her lip when she didn’t want to laugh; roses and their bewitching effects; the feel of her handle Nundu venom -- much less little old St. Mungo's. I didn’t think anything
joyous kisses. But these were not reasons and were therefore easily dismissed as would go wrong, necessarily, but I knew how terribly unprepared we would be, if
pointless Sentiment. something did. So I had a venom sample imported.”
After some grasping about for sounder arguments, which took altogether too Draco narrowed his eyes. “Did that sample happen to arrive when I was in your
long, Draco concluded that it was because he was an Auror with pride, who wanted office?”
the job to be done right, and who wanted to see the thing through to the end. “Yes.”
There. That was better. It all made sense. And if a minuscule part of him enjoyed “Pet project, my arse.”
Granger’s ludicrous ‘holidays,’ or took delight in her company, or had rather begun to “It was a pet project. For all I knew, it was going nowhere. There is no known
look forward to seeing her, or any such nonsense, it was vastly overpowered by this antivenom, after all.”
robust rationale. Granger, who had been sitting at the table, pushed off from it, and waved her
His mother called him into the dining room to advise him that the flower wand, and began to warm up to her lecture. Diagrams, vials, and molecules came to
arrangement was completed, and that he could deliver it to Granger at his earliest life around her.
convenience. “Nundu venom is a potent neurotoxin known as Alorectin -- this purple one.
Draco sent a note to Granger enquiring about her availability that evening. She’d When I was reading up on its effects, they sounded nearly identical to a non-magical
be at the pub with Potter and Friends, but home by nine. Would that suit? Draco biotoxin called Phenytoxin -- that orange one. It's a predatory venom. I did a spot of
replied that it would. lab work to confirm the synonymity."
Home by nine. Granger was a wild one. "A spot of lab work?"
That night, Draco retired to his chambers for a shower and a shave. As he dabbed a "My laboratory happens to be unusually well-equipped to investigate these
drop of cologne on his wrists, he felt oddly like he was preparing for a date. Which was things. And I was curious. It was remarkably close -- they’re almost
idiotic, because all he was doing was being an errand boy for his mother, really. indistinguishable. These toxins both operate by -- to oversimplify terribly --
When he dressed, he made sure that his collar remained half-open to show off the blocking sodium channels in motor nerves. They can cause almost complete motor
dashing injury. But only because it was so dashing, and not because he wanted to paralysis and respiratory arrest within minutes of a dose.”
solicit any kind of fussing or attention from Granger, or anything like that. “One of the Magizoologists told us a single milligram of Nundu venom can kill
an adult within hours.”
“Correct. You’re lucky your team got you to St. Mungo’s as quickly as they did.
Anyway -- there are experimental Muggle treatment protocols established for
Phenytoxin and, well, given that it was that or your imminent death, I administered
them. Neostigmine, Cholinesterase inhibitors, Alpha-adrenergic agonists.”
Granger conjured more diagrams for Draco’s edification. Then, a tiny figure
representing him popped into existence, complete with white-blond hair. “Not an

300 | The Nundu Twenty | 305

 “Is that -- is that purring?” asked Draco, feeling a powerful rumble emanating
from the cat.
“Oh -- yes. It’s measurable on the Richter scale, when he does it.”
“Can I stroke him, or will he bite my hand off?”

20
“You can try,” said Granger, though there was doubt in her voice.
The cat permitted a brief scratch under its chin. Then it clambered up Draco’s
chest, onto his shoulder, and onto his head, which served as a launching point for a
shelf above. It settled, loaf-like, between a jar of flour and some dried herbs, and
observed him with its yellow eyes.

Draco Malfoy
Draco fixed his hair, which had never been so ignominiously used.
“I forgot to forget to boil the water,” said Granger, serving the tea in two
steaming mugs. “And you -- are you pleased? I know the protection assignment
wasn’t the preferred outcome for either of us. I’m rather surprised you decided to the Errand Boy, Life & Times of
keep it.”
Draco stirred milk into his tea, which gave him time to think of a nice and

D
neutral response. “I wouldn’t pass my family ring onto another Auror -- which is
raco needn’t have worried about Granger fussing. That was the
the only way to keep the protection minimally intrusive for you.”
problem with Healers; they had seen too much and a minor issue like a
“Oh -- yes. That is very appreciated.” lethal envenoming was of little interest, really, when it was on the mend.
“And... I think I’d like to see the thing through to the end,” said Draco. “Now Granger opened the door, observed his neck from a polite distance, pronounced
that I’ve come this far.” herself pleased that it was healing so nicely, and then asked him what he wanted.
“A completionist.” “Occasionally.” There was no Romance about Granger. No luring her into coy guessing, or
“The end might be a long way away.” Granger was observing him over her tea eyelash-fluttering suppositions. She was terribly pragmatic.
with a kind of veiled anxiousness. “Another six months, if all goes well.” “Well?” asked Granger. “Is something the matter?” Draco produced the flowers.
Draco shrugged. “It’s July. What’s another six?” “Oh!” gasped Granger, with that expression of surprised delight that Draco was
“Has it really already been half a year?” coming to find rather addictive.
“Yes. I took the assignment in January.” “And no -- they did not sprout from McLaggen’s corpse.”
Granger propped her chin on her hand. She looked thoughtful. “Six entire “Of course they didn’t,” said Granger, accepting the bouquet. “They are far too
months. Where did the time go? And we’ve only tried to kill each other two or beautiful.”
three times. We’re doing all right.” Draco gave her a small bow. “With my mother’s compliments. She’s attached a
“Your latest attempt was the most successful to date,” said Draco with a gesture letter for you. I am also to convey my exuberant thanks to you, for saving my life.
at his neck. Please tell her I did so, if she asks.”
“If that had been on purpose, you’d be quite dead, I assure you,” said Granger. “Your ebullience quite knocked me off my feet.”
“How did you heal it? Mother said you did Muggle things.” “Perfect.”

304 | Draco Malfoy, The Errand Boy Twenty | 301

 “Do I put them in water?” asked Granger, holding the gently fluttering bouquet “True,” conceded Draco. Then he added, “I should like an apology from your
to her face. otter.”
“I believe my mother charmed them to last -- but I suppose it couldn’t hurt.” Granger’s look was mingled uncertainty and amusement. Draco held her gaze
Granger disappeared into the cottage. “You can come in, if you’d like,” she called, with a raised eyebrow.
“if you haven’t any other plans?” Granger sighed, then took out her wand and cast Expecto Patronum. Her otter
“My only other plans involve being smothered by the elves.” floated to Draco and looked as contrite as an otter could. “I’m sorry,” said the otter.
Granger tutted. “Poor darling.” “You’re forgiven,” said Draco with great benevolence.
Which was the second time that a woman had teased Draco for his hardships The otter rolled its eyes, if you please, and then disappeared.
today and he felt rather put upon. “The absolute cheek of that creature,” said Draco. He turned back to Granger.
“I shall offer you a very standard cup of tea,” said Granger. “Will that be “Mind you, if you hadn’t bungled my first attempt, I would only have caught
refreshing, after all of the coddling you’ve endured?” Talfryn. We ended up cuffing twenty baddies. Perhaps it evens out.”
“Quite. Make it sub-par, even.” “Twenty? Tonks must be well pleased.”
“I’ll forget to boil the water.” “She is. She offered to give me the pick of the litter for my next mission, as a
“Excellent,” said Draco, seating himself on a kitchen chair. reward -- and to take me off this protection assignment.”
Granger Transfigured a vase out of a glass. The fluttering, glittering bouquet was The last bit Draco added conversationally, out of a kind of curiosity, to see if
put in pride of place upon her kitchen worktop. Her cat leapt up beside it and Granger would react in any sort of interesting way to the news.
touched at the moving petals with a curious paw. Granger, who had been occupied with tea things, stilled. “Did she?” “Yes.”
“Lovely!” said Granger. “I'll have to work out how to charm it to follow me Granger started the kettle. Her back was to Draco but there was a tension in her
around, depending on what room I’m in, so that I can look at it all the time.” shoulders. “And? What did you say?”
“I’ll inform my mother. That will flatter her.” “I said no.”
Granger discovered the envelope. “Shall I read her letter now, or later?” Her shoulders released. “Oh, did you?” she said, with studied nonchalance. “Yes.
“Later, please,” said Draco. “I’ve heard quite enough about her relief that her Are you pleased? I can’t tell.”
treasured son is still alive.” Granger turned. Her face was carefully neutral. “I think it’s good news,” she said,
Granger duly set the letter aside. “She wants you to quit the Auror business, you addressing a space somewhere above Draco’s head. “I won’t have to get used to
know. She is quite disgusted with it.” someone else popping round at all hours, you know. And besides, you’re -- you’re
“I know. She never loved it to begin with. The Nundu incident is the closest I’ve very good. At what you do. Not that I think your colleagues couldn’t do as fine a
come to dying on the job. Bit of a shock for her.” job.”
Granger, who had been idly touching the hummingbird hyacinths, turned to They were interrupted by the cat making a leap from the worktop to Draco’s
him with a grimace of guilt. “I feel terrible about it.” lap. “Er--” said Draco.
“You? Why? You saved me.” Granger looked bemused. “Crooks, what are you doing, you silly thing? You’re
“Yes, but if I hadn’t bodged your first attempt to catch Talfryn, none of this going to get hair all over him.”
would have happened.” As though it had been reminded of this central imperative in its life, the cat took
a few steps towards Draco’s chest and rubbed itself against his fine black robes. Its
tail swept under his chin.

302 | Draco Malfoy, the Errand Boy Twenty | 303

 Draco could all but hear her voice growing shrill. You didn’t answer me re: including memories of dark eyes, the brush of fingertips, or repartee over rose-
madness. strewn tables.
He didn’t respond, because his first impulse was to tell the truth, which was that He and Granger spoke little, with only the occasional Jot from her to advise him
it brought him a real pleasure to make her idle daydreams come to fruition, but that of her attendance at public events or movements out of town. Of Larsen he heard
was -- that was too -- eurgh. The truth was a saccharine mess. nothing further. Granger said that the man had grown standoffish and no longer
The Jotter buzzed again. seemed interested in meeting with her. Draco took this as good news, though the
Viking and his interest in Granger still weighed on him. He casually added Larsen’s
I’m sat at work trying not to cry. description to the Aurors’ Persons of Interest list, with a note to contact him
directly, should this individual be spotted on English soil.
Draco grew confident that the Something had been nothing after all -- a
Stiff upper lip. momentary lapse in judgement, a forgettable summertime crush.
So confident was he -- or, perhaps, eager to prove it to himself -- that when
Thank you for doing this. It’s going to Granger advised him of her next asterisk outing, he decided to escort her.
change so many lives for the better.

Really? It’s Hogwarts.

That seemed like a strong concluding remark to Draco, who decided not to
It’s project business.
respond further. He cast an eye over the conversation and was pleased with himself:
it had been overwhelmingly neutral. Well, except, perhaps, for the ‘definition of
large’ thing, but that was just -- just flirting for sport. He hadn’t even made the All right. But don’t blame me if you’re
screamingly obvious joke when she said she’d been gobsmacked by it. bored out of your skull. Monday,
See? This was going fine. Everything was under control. There was no crush August 1st, 4PM, Hogsmeade.
here.
Later that night, Granger sent another note, this time, inviting him to dinner to
thank him; she knew a good French place, if he’d like to come? Draco read the Draco told himself that his anticipation for the meet-up was merely due to it
invitation with a stupid degree of longing. However, an in-person thanks would being a nice, easy end to Monday’s schedule, which otherwise consisted of a visit to
present challenges to the Quash, and also, no doubt, warrant another one of her St. Mungo’s for a tour of the Janus Thickey Ward with the hospital’s top brass,
hugs. The fewer of those he got, the less of a cretin he was. followed by a spot of Necromancer hunting.
So the final days of July drifted by and it was the first of August: Lughnasadh.
I’ve got others plans. You needn’t It was an offensively Mondayish sort of day. It was Monday, but it didn’t have to
thank me, the gift was my thanks to be so odious about it. At any rate, it found Draco at St. Mungo’s, preparing to tour
you. the Janus Thickey Ward at the loathsome hour of nine o'clock.
He was accompanied by a horde of St. Mungo’s administrators and Board
members, all of whom had heard news of Mr. Draco Malfoy’s site visit in
preparation for a Substantial Gift. The crowd bustled and prattled self-importantly

356 | Draco Malfoy, Notorious Auror Twenty-One | 321

about the thrill of visiting the ward as they climbed the stairs to the hospital's fourth
floor. You’re mad.
Draco had been introduced to the more important members of the horde,
including Hippocrates Smethwyck (a mild-mannered Healer and recently — was Granger’s opener.
appointed head of St. Mungo’s) and a few members of the Board. Draco, who was Playing It Cool, waited for two hours before responding with:
The excrescence known as McLaggen had even seen fit to grace them with its
presence. Draco shook his hand and asked how the old lemon was doing -- ?
concussions were serious business, you know. McLaggen was a touch cool, and
grew even cooler when he learned, through the general chatter, that Draco’s I've spoken to Hippocrates.
donation stemmed from Healer Granger’s extraordinary work.
“Yes,” said Smethwyck. “She is rather non-traditional in some of her approaches Who?
-- and thank goodness for that, eh, Mr. Malfoy? Healer Granger has been nothing
but an asset to our hospital.”
“Non-traditional how?” queried a Board member. Draco thought his name Hippocrates Smethwyck. The head
might’ve been Penlington. of St. Mungo’s. He showed me your
letter. Did you mean to put that
“She is a doctor as well as a Healer,” said Smethwyck.
many zeroes??
“You mean one of those Muggle cutty-uppy types?” asked Penlington, his
mustache bristling in alarm.
“Yes,” said Smethwyck. “But she’s also a fully qualified Healer, of course. Her
Draco found it challenging to play it cool when there was a grin breaking across
final examination scores broke even Gummidge’s--”
his face.
“A doctor, you say? Do we permit those to practise at St. Mungo’s? I had no
idea,” said another Board member. Did my definition of large meet
“Do the patients she sees know this about her?” asked someone else. “Oughtn’t your expectations?
they be informed?”
There was a general disconcerted rustle amongst the horde. Draco felt that a few
E for Exceeds. Am properly
disparaging comments were on the boil -- but subtle ones, you know. The ones that
gobsmacked.
would suggest shock; but, of course, if Healer Granger was permitted to continue
here, it must be fine. Of course. It wasn’t about her being Muggle-born, or
anything, it was merely an expression of concern and surprise about the You wanted a swimming pool.
unwizardliness of having a Muggle doctor on staff. That she was a fully qualified That takes another zero.
wizarding Healer was a footnote.
Draco knew the subtleties. He used to be quite a master of them, in circles where That was idle daydreaming!
such things weren’t said, but quietly implied.
“I’m alive today thanks to Healer Granger’s non-traditional approaches,” said
Draco, his voice slicing through the mutterings. “If she’d kept to our Healing

322 | The Mortifying Ordeal Begins Twenty-three | 355

 This was troubling. Aggravating. Fuck Theo and his nonsense about absence methods, like the three Healers who saw me before she arrived, the treatment
making the heart grow fonder; he did far better when he was away from her. When would’ve consisted of shrieking that there was no antidote. And I’d be dead.”
he couldn’t see her, tease and be teased by her, smell her, steal looks at the back of “Quite right, quite right,” nodded Smethwyck.
her neck... Draco turned to the Board members. “It was Healer Granger who asked me to
Draco half-lapsed into another daydream before catching himself at it again. direct my gift to St. Mungo’s. I had no intention of doing so; I was going to advance
Right. This was fixable. Granger’s next asterisk holiday wasn’t until Mabon -- the funds to her research enterprise at Cambridge. I certainly hope you’ll thank her,
that was late September. That was ample time to let this thing wear off and the next time you see her.”
disappear. There was a rumble of assent and much nodding. Some Board members looked
Draco leaned against the unlit fireplace and rapped his fingers against it. She was abashed, some looked utterly confused at this categorical defence of a Healer with
his fucking Principal. And -- even more importantly -- he was Draco Malfoy. Highly Muggle ties by Draco Malfoy, of all people.
eligible, perpetually unattached. He didn’t do besotted imbecile. McLaggen was observing Draco thoughtfully. A dangerous pursuit.
His Jotter buzzed. Draco waited an entire ten minutes before checking it, during Any further mutterings were quieted. The Board members were all
which he paced in agitation while telling himself that he was playing it cool. businessmen or politicians; they could smell Draco’s money and would behave
It wasn’t Granger Jotting him, anyway. And he was not disappointed in the accordingly.
least. It was Goggin, scheduling a training session for the next morning. Which At last, they came to the fourth floor. Granger hadn’t exaggerated how dingy the
would be an excellent outlet for these mad, frustrated energies that he was grappling long-term care ward was. As he strode through the door, Draco noticed that the J
with. and T were missing from the sign, which dustily proclaimed:
Draco replied, No wands, to ensure that Goggin would knock a bit of sense into anus hickey Ward
him. Draco stared at it gravely.
The Board members looked perturbed.
Smethwyck walked them through the ward, interspersing their advance with
The next day, Draco and Goggin knocked so much sense into each other that they details on the number of beds, the Healers per patient, the average length of stay,
both became quite venerable philosophers. This was marred by one minor and other factoids that would have enthralled Granger, probably (not that Draco
hiccough: nobody could understand them through their fat lips. The world made was thinking about her, because he was Quashing).
do without their unutterable wisdom. There were thirty wire-frame beds, all separated by dingy cloth partitions. There
A few days passed, during which Draco did wonderfully from a quashing were two tired, but clean, bathrooms, equipped with a toilet and shower. The floor
perspective. Granger became a mere afterthought amongst various emergencies, was well-worn tile, through which shallow depressions ran where people passed the
missions, and brutal training sessions. most. There was only one window to speak of, at the far end of the ward, under
Draco grew pleased with himself once more. Everything was going to be fine. which a few stringy plants valiantly struggled.
His first contact with Granger was initiated by her, and it began with an insult, The entire floor had a whiff of the forgotten about it; something like a storage
which was promising. area for things that had no further use but that couldn’t quite be thrown out.
The patients were a mixed lot -- some very old, some young. About half were
victims of the war, struggling with residual ailments that couldn’t be cured. Even
Draco was moved by some Do-Gooding thoughts at the sight of the latter: he
spotted the Creevey boy (now a small, listless man), Lavender Brown (ravaged

354 | Draco Malfoy, Notorious Auror Twenty-One | 323

almost beyond recognition), Michael Corner (struggling against straps), Mitchell
something-or-other from Hufflepuff (speaking to a wall in hushed tones), and
others he couldn’t name.
Other beds had curtains drawn around them. A voice floated out from behind

23
one, mellow and sad and familiar, but Draco couldn’t quite place it. A child
answered.
A sombre-faced Healer and her aides moved from one bed to the next. A few of
the patients had visitors. They stared in surprise at Draco and the unusually large
and loud crowd around him. He understood why; he had a feeling that this ward
was usually a quiet, abandoned sort of place.
Granger had wanted a piano. Draco Malfoy,
The group finished its tour and congregated at the window, which was easily the
least dreary spot. Notorious Auror
Smethwyck was looking at Draco with a sort of dread, awaiting his judgement.

D
However, it wasn’t Smethwyck who held the purse strings -- it was the Board. It was
raco’s post-Granger afterglow lingered all night. When he returned to
that collection of mustachioed men who received the brunt of Draco’s censure.
the Manor he wandered about, sighing and staring out of windows. He
He kept his voice low, but his questions sharp: was there a reason why the Board
smiled vaguely at nothing. He thought about the back of her neck and
hadn’t seen fit to inject funding into this ward since, by all appearances, 1903? Why where he would most like to put his mouth. He read some of her old notes on the
hadn’t funds for maintenance and upkeep been directed here? Had they been
Jotter. He indulged in a delicious daydream of her in the library, pushed up against
diverted elsewhere? Too many Board luncheons and dinners at the Seneca,
the stacks.
perhaps? Didn’t the Board conduct regular visits to the hospital? Did they consider
When he found himself floating towards the rose garden for a midnight stroll --
this ward acceptable? Why did this appear to be their first time up here? Why were
an unprecedented activity, for him -- Draco realised he was acting like a besotted
there only sufficient monies for 1.5 Healers in this ward, while the café upstairs
imbecile. Again.
offered Porcelana hot chocolate? Why did valiant survivors of the great war have a
His brain, which had been adrift amongst those stupid fluffy clouds, came
single window, and no bathtubs? Why, for Merlin’s sake, couldn’t they replace the
plummeting back to earth, where it took up residence in his skull once again, but
bloody ‘J’ on the front door?
grumpily, as though he’d interrupted it in something important. As though there
The group now stood in poses variously humbled and guilty. “Right,” said
was anything remotely important about cherries and sundresses and I’m glad you
Draco. “We can do better.”
kept the protection assignment.
He turned to Smethwyck. “I am going to give you a substantial infusion of cash.
At the entrance to the rose garden, Draco pivoted on his heel and stormed back
Do you understand?”
into the Manor. He closeted himself in his study, where he strode about, freshly
“Yes,” said Smethwyck. perturbed.
“It will be the hospital’s first gift of this magnitude.”
What the fuck was wrong with him? Seeing her had been a bad idea. He had
“A-all right.” done very well over the month of July, getting Granger out of his head. The crush
“It will be transformational.” had all but been quashed out of existence. But then, in her presence, his quashing
“Yes, Mr. Malfoy, thank--” had lasted all of an hour. An hour!

324 | The Mortifying Ordeal Begins Twenty-three | 353

 They threw cherry pits into the shrubbery below the promontory. Granger said “There will be strings attached.”
they’d make a pretty grove of cherry trees, one day. Draco chased the pits with “Strings?”
Herbivicus charms. His aim was true; here and there below them, the pits split and “Strings. Stipulations. On hiring. On refurbishing. On operations. And there
pushed forth small, tender leaves. Granger, delighted, cast a few Aguamenti. will be--” Draco eyed the Board members darkly “--safeguards in place to protect it
The evening light grew delicate and elusive. from being whittled away.”
Granger leaned back on her hands and sighed. There was contentment in it. “Yes, Mr. Malfoy, of course--”
Happiness, even. Draco felt her gaze on him. “Here,” said Draco, pressing a thick envelope into Smethwyck’s hands. “The
“What?” he asked. details and the stipulations. You are to come back to me with a plan.”
“Nothing,” said Granger. “Oh, excellent -- wonderful -- Mr. Malfoy, I -- how can we thank you--”
“Tell me.” “You don’t thank me. You thank Granger. It’s for her.”
“It’s maudlin, vodka-fuelled sentimentality.” Draco strode out.
“Even better.” Astonished stares followed him to the door.
She chose her words carefully, but, at length, spoke. “I’m glad you kept the He heard Smethwyck open the envelope.
protection assignment.” There was a gasp followed by what might’ve been the sound of Smethwyck
Now she wasn’t teasing -- now she was sincere. falling into a dead faint.
Draco felt a smile, unbidden, flash across his face. A new and unfamiliar joy
swelled in his chest.
“Do you know -- so am I,” said Draco.
She gave him a sideways glance. There was a blush on her cheeks, or it might’ve
been the last of the red sunset. “Maudlin.”
“Frightfully.”
Something danced in the beats of his heart.
They both went for a cherry at the same time. There was a tangling of fingers.
The touch was fleeting, hasty. Anything else would be too sweet.
The evening air was summer caught in a breeze -- crushed grass and clover. A
curlew sang.
And it was beautiful, sitting next to Granger, with his arm brushing hers, here at
the top of the promontory, which, at this moment, felt like the top of the world.

352 | Lughnasadh: The top of the world Twenty-One | 325

 His eyelids felt heavy; his body felt light.
He wanted to reciprocate some kind of teasing compliment but -- he oughtn’t.
He wanted to tell her that she was like the vodka -- intoxicating even in the smallest
measures and leading to errors in judgement. He wanted to taunt her about how

22
she ate cherries -- who bit cherries in half? It must be because of her tiny mouth. He
wanted to tell her that if he’d outgrown his greasy ferret phase, she’d moved well
past her startled squirrel days. He wanted to make suppositions about why her
wand was pushing things into his groin.
But that would further blur the already indistinct line between teasing and

Lughnasadh flirting, and he wasn’t meant to be flirting. He was meant to be Quashing. He was
meant to be remaining coolly neutral, unaffected, aloof. Professional. She was his
The Top of the World Principal.
He stole a glance at her. She had turned away to resume her perennial battle with
her hair. She loosened it -- he smelled shampoo -- and then pulled it into a ponytail.

M
And he wasn’t looking at her nape, where small curls escaped and the skin was most
onday afternoon consisted chiefly of pursuing shambling corpses
sensitive and kissable. He wasn’t looking at the scalloped edge of her dress where it
raised by a Necromancer in Slough. Draco occasionally had trouble
dipped between her shoulder blades. He wasn’t looking at the zipper.
distinguishing the corpses from Slough’s fine citizens, but that is a
Right, but what if he just -- just moved in behind her and pulled a bit of her
story for another day.
dress off her shoulder and pressed his mouth to that spot?
He arrived in Hogsmeade to meet Granger at four o’clock on the dot. He found
Draco folded his hands into his lap. He could not trust them. She was his
the village exceedingly quiet. Most of the shopkeepers were on holiday and the
Principal. He grew dimly aware that he was heading for disaster.
remaining villagers had retreated indoors to avoid the heat.
Granger, blithely unconscious of the turmoil caused by the back of her neck,
Draco hurriedly arranged the front of his robes so that they fell just so about his
pushed a final hairpin into place.
chest, hinting at robust pectorals. He passed a hand through his hair to ensure that
Then she put the little basket of cherries between herself and Draco and sat next
it looked ruggedly tousled, as befitted an Auror having done rugged, manly sorts of
to him on the edge of the promontory, so that her legs dangled next to his.
things.
They talked. He tried not to look at her cherry-reddened mouth. Tried not to
Then he reclined against a lamppost to wait for Granger, intending to project a
think about the wet rim of the cider bottle that they passed back and forth. Their
cool, casual, uninterested sort of vibe.
shoulders touched now and again. He felt the occasional brush of her curls when
It was ruined by Granger almost Apparating into him.
the wind teased them his way. The breeze brought hints of her towards him, cider
They fell and untangled themselves from one another with gasps.
and shampoo and the salt of skin in summer heat.
“You had to choose this precise square inch to Apparate to?” asked Draco
Would it truly be so terrible, not to quash, just for now? He had quashed for
tetchily, dusting off his robes.
weeks, after all. He knew he could do it again. He could simply enjoy right now, and
“You couldn’t find anywhere else to lounge about than the main thoroughfare?! go back to quashing afterwards, couldn’t he? It would be fine, wouldn’t it? He had
Really?” Granger picked herself up. “I think my foot was in your spleen.” everything under control.
“I felt it.”

326 | Lughnasadh: The top of the world Twenty-Two | 351

 He had been staring. They regained their feet and regarded each other in a kind of mutual assessment.
“So -- what’s your conclusion, Professor?” he asked, throwing in a Granger It had been almost a month since they had last seen each other. Granger had that
Irritant to ensure that he sounded normal. “Have you completed your assessment?” overworked look about her again -- the deep smudging under her eyes, the drawn
If there was any irritation on her part, it was diluted by amusement. “Have you mouth.
got any family in Hogsmeade?” she asked in a casual sort of way. She wore a yellow sundress, as though its obnoxious cheerfulness would
Draco saw her coming. “If you’re about to suggest that I look like our barkeep obfuscate her fatigue. It did not.
from earlier...” “You look bollocksed,” said Draco.
“Mm. A wart, yearning for self-expression.” “Thank you. Might I enquire about the eyeball you’ve got draped over your
“Oi.” shoulder?”
“Thank you for removing your feet from the picture. It brought me a real Draco looked down. Whatever corpse he had most recently dealt with had left
clarity.” Then, seeing his annoyance, she looked skywards. “Stop fishing about for an eye and a long optic nerve curled over the back of his arm, quite ruining his cool
compliments. You know you’re terribly good looking.” and casual vibe.
Draco smirked. “I never tire of hearing it.” “Right,” he said, Vanishing it. “Souvenir from this morning’s mission.”
“You grew out of being a greasy little ferret. There: a compliment. Are you “Won’t its owner miss it?”
happy?” “He was dead, so, no.”
“Yes. I’ll have another, please.” Granger’s eyes raked over the rest of him, but there were no more rogue body
“No. You’re unbearable.” parts to be found. She gestured down the road. “Shall we? Irma agreed to meet me
“Do my hair next.” at 4:15.”
“No.” “Irma?”
“Yes.” “Madame Pince.”
She narrowed her eyes critically. Then her fingers ran through the ends of his “She’s still with us? Merlin, I’d quite forgotten about that old bird...”
hair, only for a moment. They walked. Draco checked in on himself and was pleased that he was feeling
Draco did not permit touching of his hair. Those who were foolish enough to none of the fluffy shite that had so terrified him. He merely appreciated the sight of
try were hexed into a quivering pile of mince. But Granger... Granger’s legs, which was normal enough. Ish. She did have nice legs.
Her brief touch was far more intoxicating than any of the drink he’d had today. Draco noted that there was no stream of information directed at him, no Look,
There went his pulse again, shooting upwards in another disproportionate fit of Malfoy, no gallivanting through the undergrowth to point at a leaf. Perhaps
excitement. Granger was tired -- this was, at his best reckoning, her first day off since
“Middling,” said Granger. Midsummer. And that holiday had hardly been a relaxing time: too many death
Draco sniffed as though he was letting the remark pass with sublime equanimity. nuns.
Really, he was too floaty to give a damn. But there was more than the tiredness -- there was also a kind of reserve coming
Granger pursed her lips and brushed her fingers through his hair again, off her. She was keeping her distance. He wondered, wildly, if she, too, had noticed
switching his part to the other side. “Adequate, you know. Decent. One day, you’ll a Something, and whether it had frightened her as much as it had frightened him.
find someone who can look past it.” Perhaps she, too, was quashing things.
She was holding back a smile. The idea was stupid and based on nothing but speculation, but there was
something comforting about it, nonetheless.

350 | Lughnasadh: The top of the world Twenty-Two | 327

 They came to the Hogwarts gates, which swung open at their approach. The old Amusement pulled at Granger’s mouth. “You do listen to me sometimes.
gates and winged boars seemed far less imposing than Draco remembered. What’s the human equivalent of marginalia? Perhaps this?” she asked, running the
“Have you been back here since our N.E.W.T.s?” asked Granger, observing him back of a finger along his end-of- day stubble.
out of the corner of her eye. It was the lightest, most casual brush of a finger along his jawline.
“No,” said Draco. “You?” The thudding answer of his heart was utterly disproportionate.
“A few times -- mostly to say hello to professors or for the library.” “In which case, yes,” continued Granger. “But only a day’s worth of marginalia,
The walk to the school from Hogsmeade seemed laughably brief. “Did we really at my best guess. Not half so fascinating as Revelations, you know.”
take carriages to cover this much ground? That wasn’t even ten minutes.” Draco was somehow simultaneously rooted to the spot and floating. He was
“I suppose it’s far for a twelve-year-old’s wee legs,” said Granger. nerveless. He was all nerves. His pulse was up. This was bad. He ought to Occlude
“Everything seems small.” and pull away from her and also jump off the cliff.
“I know.” Instead, like the weak-willed cretin he was, he continued.
As the castle itself came into view around a bend, Draco was pleased to find that “What about illuminations?” he asked. “Have I got those?”
it had retained its aura of magic and mystery -- even if it, too, looked smaller than he If his voice was husky, it was because of the vodka.
recollected. “Oh, that is an interesting question,” said Granger. She grew thoughtful in her
“Smells the same,” said Draco as they walked into the Entrance Hall. Wood, old study of his face. She smelled like the notes of honey from the cider.
stone, schoolish. “I would have to say your eyes,” she said at length. “Is that dreadfully trite?”
“Better, rather,” said Granger, taking in a breath. “No hordes of grimy children “It is,” said Draco. “I forgive you; you haven’t a poetic soul. Are they sumptuous
during the summer. When I was here last winter, there was a definite whiff of illuminations?”
teenaged boy in the air.” “O, yes. Splendid. They’re aglitter with silver leaf and everything.”
Now they were in the castle proper. Draco was not particularly prone to “I ought to give myself to the head librarian as a gift.”
nostalgic reminiscing, but he had spent many happy years here (and two horrid “She would make good use of you.”
ones) and he rather enjoyed the wander through the old corridors. They, too, felt “Although... perhaps I’d rather remain in the Granger private collection.”
narrower than in his youth. He recalled the suits of armour towering over him; now Granger gave a theatrical little gasp. “Bold. She curates it fiercely. I wouldn’t be
he looked down at them. so certain that you’d make the cut.”
They peeked into the Great Hall, where the four House tables stood, scuffed “My illuminations, though.”
and bare, awaiting September first. The room had always felt so grand, the tables “Mm. They are tempting.”
almost interminable. Now Draco wasn’t certain that he could squeeze his way onto Their eyes met. And there again was the pull from her dark gaze -- the drawing-
one of the Slytherin benches without kneecapping himself. towards, the beckoning, the invitation to fall in. It inspired a soft sort of longing in
The enchanted ceiling was the deep blue of high summer. him. A wanting to reach out and a wanting to fall. A strange and gentle vertigo.
They continued past empty classrooms that smelled of chalk and years of spilled He knew that she wasn’t doing it on purpose. He knew that she hadn’t set out
ink. Sunlight streamed through dusty windows. to do it. There was no calculation in her. She didn’t even know what she was doing
Granger grew visibly excited as they neared the library, though she was doing her to him.
best to appear restrained. When she reached the heavy doors, she paused to rub a And yet, here he was, falling, falling...
palm against the well-worn handle. She blinked and looked away.

328 | Lughnasadh: The top of the world Twenty-Two | 349

 “Are you saying you mightn’t have thought me such a dreadful creature, if you’d She pulled open the door and the smell of the library met them: old books,
seen the pillow I drooled on at night?” vellum, worn leather and dust.
“Exactly,” laughed Granger. “But, really. I mean it. You were an entity that It was potent. Draco felt fourteen again. “I feel as though I’ve got a Potions essay
popped up out of nowhere, said awful things, and then vanished until the next due,” he said.
skirmish.” A smile broke on Granger’s face. “Mine’s Transfiguration.”
“I had to adopt guerilla tactics to avoid the slapping,” said Draco. Madame Pince watched their approach from her desk. Draco was quite
“That was once,” said Granger. She ate a cherry. “The secrecy fostered fractures convinced that she still wore the same hat and pointy shoes that she had when
above and beyond those created by House divisions. That’s my position. What are they’d been students. He half expected a telling off from her for talking.
you smirking about?” She, too, seemed small.
“Only thinking that a great many witches have formed a great many ideas after Granger was greeted by Madame Pince with something approaching warmth --
seeing me in bed, but a treatise on the House system is an entirely new one.” a pinchy, reticent sort of warmth. Draco was observed with surprise, doubly so
“You are terribly full of yourself, you know,” said Granger, looking away to hide because he was with Granger.
her amusement. “Strange sort of bedfellows,” sniffed Madame Pince.
“Of course I am. Have you seen me?” “Work,” said Granger.
“No, I haven’t. Your feet are always in the way.” Pince passed Granger a record card. “The Ypres Manuscript. I know that you
Draco, already close to the rocky edge of the promontory, turned and dangled can handle rare books, Miss Granger, but do be especially careful with this one. I’ve
his legs over the side.“There.” taken down the wards for you.”
Granger played along. She moved to sit beside him, ostensibly to observe him. Granger thanked her and led the way to the Restricted Section, which housed
Draco noticed that her reserve from earlier in the day had vanished. Was it the the bulk of Snape’s collection.
drink? The conversation? Him? The air grew stuffier and pressed at their ears as they progressed deeper and
Which made him realise that he himself hadn’t been Quashing. And now that deeper into the library. Whatever rudimentary ventilation cooled the castle did not
she was next to him, things were beginning to happen again -- the beginnings of come to the library’s inner reaches. It was hot. And had the stacks always been this
that sweetness in his veins, the buzz of his pulse. narrow?
He ought to move away. He ought to Occlude and separate his rational self from “Prime snogging stacks, these,” said Draco in the quiet. “Pince couldn’t hear.”
fuzzy thought and feeling. “I remember,” said Granger.
He ought to. “Do you?”
“Right. Let’s have a look, now that I can see you properly,” said Granger. Granger gave him a glance. “You needn’t look so surprised.”
She ran her analytical gaze down his face. “Curious, rather,” said Draco. “He must’ve been a brave lad. Unless it was
“I feel like a textbook,” said Draco. Weasley. He doesn’t count. Can’t, mostly.”
“Perhaps I shall read you like one, now that my view isn’t obstructed.” “Don’t be mean,” tsked Granger. “But, no -- Ron wasn’t my first snog. Viktor
“You don’t read, you devour. I’m frightened.” had that honour.”
“As you should be.” “Viktor?”
“Have I got any marginalia?” “Krum.”
Draco gave a low whistle. “Good for Viktor.”

348 | Lughnasadh: The top of the world Twenty-Two | 329

 Granger had come to a halt at a shadowy place between stacks. “Just here, if I’m heads to look at them. Draco and Granger grew frightened and threw them off the
not mistaken. Those shelves made decent hand-holds.” cliff.
“The tales these stacks could tell.” Anyway, they had the spoons. Draco set the pie to floating between them and
Granger observed him wryly. “I’m sure they’d have equally bawdy tales about they ate and got crumbs all over themselves.
you.” Draco smirked at her instead of answering. The Troll vodka was wearing off. Now they were simply drunk, not Utterly
She looked away. Cabbaged.
She was right, of course. Much teenage exploration had happened amongst Granger, staring at Hogwarts Castle, drifted into introspection. “You know,
these shelves. His first blow job, he thought, unless that had been in the common today has been more interesting than I thought it would be.”
room? He couldn’t remember. But he did remember many romps with girls in “Mm?”
short skirts through here, pushing them up against the books, tongues and fingers “I didn’t imagine I’d ever see the Slytherin common room -- much less your
fumbling about. dormitory.”
And now he was here again, but the only skirt to chase was Granger’s. His eye “It did feel quite strange, seeing you in there.”
wandered to her backside and legs as she walked ahead, until he caught himself “Against the natural order of things?”
wondering how she would look pushed up against the books, and then he gave Draco thought about it. “Can we really call it a natural order?”
himself a mental box on the ear. No. He was not doing that. He was Quashing. “What do you mean?”
He was getting sweaty. He cast a cooling charm on himself, and then on “They’re rather artificial divisions, aren’t they? The Slytherin and Gryffindor
Granger, from behind. She squeaked in surprise as goosebumps broke over her business.”
arms. “Goodness,” said Granger, pulling her knees to her chin. “Are we getting
“You’re welcome,” said Draco, in response to her dark look. philosophical?”
The Restricted Section had been enlarged to display the Snape collection, but “Yes,” said Draco. “I’m drunk. Indulge me.”
otherwise looked much the same as it always had. Draco waved his wand out of “Of course -- we mustn’t let the opportunity go to waste. And you’re right.
curiosity, grinning as he illuminated the various nasty wards and jinxes strewn across Entirely artificial. But schools have to divide and conquer the masses of children
the shelves. somehow.”
“Pince has a flair for it, I’ll give her that,” said Draco. “Perhaps she missed her “I suppose it keeps them manageable.”
calling as a nun.” “There might be a better way to do it than a pseudo-horoscopic enterprise
“You ought to suggest that to her. It’d be a laugh.” involving underdeveloped character traits and a talking hat,” mused Granger. “My
“A laugh? She’d kick me in the bollocks with her pointy shoe.” primary school assigned our houses at random -- but then, it was Muggle, and they
“I didn’t specify who would be laughing.” hadn’t a talking hat.”
Granger squatted down to search for her book. When she found it, she heaved Draco finished the last of the pie and threw bits of crust to some sparrows.
the large manuscript to a reading table. Granger, apparently not trusting herself with her wand, got up to fetch the
She paused to push a strand of dampish hair from her forehead. Instead of cherries. “If we’re going to critique the system... After today, I think there might’ve
settling down to read, as Draco had expected, she merely took out her mobile and been a downside to all the inter-House secrecy.”
began to -- if he was understanding it correctly -- take photographs of the pages of “What do you mean?”
interest. “The hidden common rooms, the isolation between houses. It’s -- it’s terribly
humanising, to see someone on a bed.”

330 | Lughnasadh: The top of the world Twenty-Two | 347

 “Stop looking at me,” said Granger, holding a hand in front of her mouth, The problem with Granger was that she always came with new intrigues. She
which made Draco aware that he was looking at her mouth. “I can’t even eat a piece never bored him. Why couldn’t she bore him? It would be easier for all parties if he
of cheese.” wasn’t being perpetually stimulated by her. (Intellectually, obviously.)
“I’m not looking at you,” said Draco, like the liar he was. “I’m looking at the “How, pray, is that working in bloody Hogwarts?” asked Draco.
view.” “Hm? Oh,” said Granger, flipping over the mobile.
“...The view is behind you,” said Granger. Attached to its back was one of her anti-magic pucks.
“Oh,” said Draco, turning around. “Right.” “I’d forgotten about those things.”
“You weren’t joking about the two hundred percent BAC,” said Granger, edging “Terribly useful. I can’t go about life without my mobile.”
nearer to him on the blanket to look at the view, too. Granger bent over the reading desk to take the photos. Draco did not look at her.
Hogsmeade’s quaint streets curved away into the growing dusk below them. In fact, he turned away from her, and conjured a mirror, and attempted to salvage his
Farther away, Hogwarts Castle was a silhouette, its windows reflecting the last of a hair.
red sunset. “It’d be far more convenient for me to review this manuscript at home,” said
“You should draw it,” declared Granger. Granger, “but Madame Pince would never let me remove it from the library. So I’m
“What? I don’t draw.” doing the next best thing -- digital photos. Don’t tell her. She’ll think I’m stealing the
“Liar. I know you’ve got an artistic streak; I saw your magnificent willy.” Draco book’s soul or something.”
tried to resist, but a giggle escaped him. “Right. I’m rather glad you’re not settling in for a read. I’m sweating my plums
Granger looked at him with wide eyes. “I can’t decide if that was adorable or off,” said Draco, removing his robes and popping his collar open.
terrifying.” Granger directed another cooling charm at him, and then at herself. She pulled her
“Both. Just like me.” hair into a coil above her crown and pushed her wand through it.
“You are neither,” sniffed Granger. “Calm down.” Draco, having done his best with his own coiffure, came beside her to observe the
“But I am elegant.” manuscript. It contained diagrams of medical procedures and medieval patients in
“If you take the rambles of a drunken idiot for fact,” said Granger. She was various states of distress.
attempting to look prim. He noted that Granger was staying well away from him, though she was being
“The drunk mind speaks the sober heart,” said Draco. He tried to wiggle his casual about it. If he approached, she found a reason to shift to the other side of the
eyebrows but he wasn’t sure what he managed to do; Granger merely looked table. If he joined her there, she went around again to take her photographs from a
perplexed. different angle.
“Shall we have some pie?” she asked. Should he be offended? Should he be glad? He didn’t know. He felt offended, but
“Unsubtle change of subject, but yes,” said Draco, waving his wand at the pie, that was because witches didn’t generally flee his vicinity.
which floated towards them. “Would you like a bit of frottage, too?” “Do I smell like a cadaver?” asked Draco.
Granger crossed her legs. “That was an accident.” “Of course. Make us some “What?”
cutlery, would you?” “I hardly trust myself to.” “Me. Rotting corpse, whiffs of. Yes or no?”
She plucked at a few dandelion leaves for the purpose. She Transfigured them “No,” said Granger with a quick glance up at him. She returned to her
into two very credible spoons, though they were slightly green. The forks were a photographs.
different matter; a formidable creation, non-Euclidean, unearthly. It hurt their “Good,” said Draco.

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 When he approached her again -- ostensibly to examine an illustration -- she Granger hiccoughed. The cheese fell, bounced off her knee, and rolled into the
didn’t move away. So he’d made his point. To what purpose, he wasn’t certain. grass. She watched it go with a gentle sort of sadness.
Granger snapped a few more photographs, took a moment to examine them on Draco gave up on her and focused on his own bread and cheese, which he put
her device, then pronounced herself satisfied. She closed the manuscript with great together moderately well. His only difficulty was finding his own mouth.
care and toddled off to replace it. “Faschi... Fassi... Fascinating,” said Granger, watching him mash it into his chin.
“That’s it?” asked Draco. “You’re usually so elegant.”
“Yes. I did warn you that it would be boring,” said Granger, leading the way out “Am I?”
of the stacks. “You shouldn’t have bothered to come.” “Yes,” said Granger. “You make everything look ef-effortless, you know?”
Draco shrugged. “It’s a nice change, you know, the company of the living. You “You’re drunk enough to compliment me. This is a trill. Thrill.”
have slightly more vitality than a shambling corpse.” Granger chewed. “It was an observation. You can get cheeky when you can put a
“You have such a way with words,” came her dry response. “It quite undoes sandwich in your mouth, not before.”
me.” Draco managed to do so, then inhaled to say something, then choked on a
Draco was unable to pursue this interesting conversational twist because Pince crumb.
popped out from behind a shelf. “Finished? Already?!” As he coughed, Granger came to the rescue by floating the bottle of cider
“Yes,” said Granger. “I’ve just put it away; it’s ready for your wards. Thank you towards him. This was done with decidedly less finesse and wand control than
again for coming in during your holiday, just for me. I am terribly grateful.” usual. She had, presumably, been aiming for his hand, but the bottle pressed into
“Always a pleasure,” said Pince, but her look was profoundly suspicious. “I his groin instead.
rather thought you’d be here for a few hours, at least.” “Steady on,” said Draco.
“Yes, well -- I had a specific chapter to review, nothing more." “S-sorry,” said Granger, flinging the bottle over his shoulder and clipping his
“You look... rather sweaty.” temple with it before dropping it onto the blanket next to him.
“Yes, it’s hot back there.” “Wow,” said Draco.
“I see. You made very quick work of it. The manuscript, I mean.” Granger set aside her wand as though it were a dangerous thing. Then she
“Yes. As I said, my approach was quite focused.” pressed her fingers to her mouth and looked like she was holding back a shriek of
“Hm,” said Pince, narrowing her eyes, and becoming, if possible, even pinchier. laughter. “I’m so sorry -- so sorry -- not what I wanted to do--”
Her black gaze moved to the sheen of sweat that covered the two of them to Draco’s “It’s f-fine,” said Draco. “Bit of frottage with a cider bottle -- new experience...”
state of relative undress, with his unbuttoned collar and his robes slung over his After the Troll vodka, the cider was spectacular -- fresh, tart, bubbly on the
arm. “The library is for reading, you know.” tongue, and honeyed in the finish. Draco drank and passed Granger the bottle. He
“Indeed,” said Granger, blinking at her. “Reading and research. Not other had intended to make an eloquent remark on its aroma and notes, but what came
activities.” out instead was a slurred observation that it didn’t hurt to drink.
Granger looked rather like she suspected that Pince had grown slightly barmy. Which was all the endorsement Granger needed, anyway. She drank, too, and
“Quite right. Er -- I suppose we’d best be going.” passed it back.
“I suppose you ought to,” said Pince. Her gaze now travelled to Draco’s face and There was nothing interesting about sharing a bottle with Granger. About
his hair, and his collar, and then his fly. tasting where her lips had been a moment before. Nothing whatsoever, and he
They left the library under the weight of her stare. wouldn’t think about it. And he wouldn’t look at her mouth, either.

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 “It offends me to pay for this,” said Draco with a gesture to their untouched “What on earth was that about?” asked Granger, when the doors had safely
repast. He nevertheless dropped a Sickle onto the table. closed behind them.
“I can--” said Granger, grasping at a pocket. “Has she gone a bit potty?” asked Draco. “Did she just eye my bulge?”
“No,” said Draco. “I insisted on trying this place. You get the next.” “She did.”
“Fine.” “I’m disturbed.”
“You were right, after all. It wasn’t quite as recherché as the Manor’s fare.” “Me too. I wonder what--”
They staggered out of the pub and ambled down the street, bumping into each In a moment of shared realisation, Granger turned to look at Draco just as he
other and various objects as they went. Around the corner was a little grocer’s, just turned to look at her.
about to close up for the evening. They raided the last of the bread basket and “Was she implying that we were doing things?” gasped Granger, appalled.
bought a small wheel of cheese to go with it. Granger found some cherries. Draco Draco looked back at the library doors. “I think she thinks we popped in for a
discovered an enormous, slightly squashed blackberry pie. Granger asked if they fucking quickie.”
ought to buy a slice? Draco said he wanted two, personally. They stared at the pie Granger pivoted so rapidly that her skirts swished into a circle around her thighs.
and then, their wits and willpower drowned by two inches of vodka, bought the “I’m going back there to set things straight with her.”
entire thing. A cool bottle of cider topped it off, and that was dinner sorted. “And if we’re wrong?”
They meandered a small way out of the village, looking for a place to sit. Granger Granger paused. “Are we wrong?”
said that she fancied a view of the village; Draco said he wanted to look at the castle. “I don’t know? Perhaps she just wanted to look at my bulge?”
They found an adequate compromise up a small path that led to a grassy sort of Granger held up her hand. “Enough about your bulge. We have bigger things to
promontory, from where they could look out onto Hogsmeade and Hogwarts deal with.”
both. “Excuse you.”
Granger asked Draco for a handkerchief, which she Transfigured into a blanket “What if we’re right, and she... she tells someone?” asked Granger with a
and spread onto the grass. The blanket was rather more triangular than square, but horrified intake of breath.
then again, Granger was rather more sloshed than sober.
“That would be a laugh.”
Loose limbed and wobbly, Granger decanted herself onto the blanket. Draco “A laugh? No. Imagine if she told McGonagall.”
flumped down beside her. The bread, slightly chewy, was parted out first, in the
“I didn’t specify who would be laughing.”
hopes of belatedly absorbing some of the Troll vodka.
“If you’re going to imitate me, kindly bring it down an octave; that was
Granger said, “I am utterly hammered,” around a mouthful of it. There was a
piercing.” Granger strode back to the library. “And why wasn’t she sweaty?” she
kind of serenity to her, a calm sort of acceptance that she was completely bollocksed,
called over her shoulder.
and that was how it was going to be.
Amused at this turn of events, Draco waited for Granger to ‘set things straight.’
She had great difficulty putting a piece of cheese on her bread. Draco attempted
He leaned next to a slouching suit of armour, pressing his back into cool stone. A
to help, but her piece of bread kept multiplying into two, then four, until he
few drying charms got rid of the worst of the dampness at his armpits. Perhaps he
blinked, and it was one again, swaying gently.
hadn’t stunk like cadaver, perhaps it had just been sweat.
“Hold still,” said Draco, snatching her wrist.
Granger was back. There was storminess in her stride as she marched down the
“I am,” said Granger. “You’re the wobbly one.”
corridor. The suit of armour beside Draco straightened up and saluted.
Draco, with painstaking focus, managed to place a piece of cheese on the bread. “So?” asked Draco.

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 “She’s gone,” said Granger. “Couldn’t find her. She must’ve left from the east Granger examined the grey lump. “It needed at least five more minutes under
entrance.” the hair dryer.”
“Write her a letter,” shrugged Draco. They turned their attention to Granger’s salad. It consisted of half of a raw
Granger rounded on him. “A letter?! Really? You want me to put this absurdity onion.
in writing? Dear Madam Pince, you looked at Malfoy’s bulge so we weren’t sure if “Shocking,” said Draco.
you had jumped to conclusions but please be advised that I did not get off with him Granger retained her sang-froid. She pulled the bangers and mash towards them
in the library? Sincerely, Hermione?” with a kind of grim optimism.
Draco was unable to hold back a laugh. He walked ahead of her, feeling that it “But why is the sausage so... shrunken?” asked Draco.
might be safer to be out of swatting distance. “Perhaps it’s cold,” suggested Granger kindly.
“I’m delighted that one of us is amused,” said Granger, striding up behind him “Or nervous,” nodded Draco.
with fire in her eyes. Granger bit her lip. “It looks like a prolapse.”
Draco came to a sudden stop. Granger walked into him. Draco laughed. It hurt his throat.
“Ouch -- what--” “And what’s this?” asked Granger, poking at an indistinct piece of gristly fat.
“My common room,” said Draco, gesturing to a flight of stone stairs on the “Lard Voldemort.”
right. “That way. Let’s go.” “My god.”
“No. I came here with explicit permission to use the library, not to take Draco “The mash looks... all right?”
Malfoy on a nostalgic scenic tour of the castle. What if Filch catches us?” “It smells like hot cat sick,” said Granger, knocking away Draco’s fork. “Do not
“What if Filch catches us?” repeated Draco, descending the stairs. “O, he’ll send try it. Nothing will come of this except cataclysmic diarrhoea.”
us straight to detention, I expect.” Draco, who did not want a runny bum, set aside his fork.
He glanced up to see that Granger had a hand on her hip. Now she was fourteen They looked at each other.
again. She looked as though she was hoping for a Prefect to pop by, so that she “I think this might be a cry for help,” said Granger, sombre. “Should we ask him
might tell on him and have house points docked. if he’s all right?”
Draco continued down the stairs. He heard her ugh of irritation, and then, at Draco was less inclined towards sympathy. “I think we’ve just discovered a
length, her footsteps clattering behind him. blatantly obvious front.”
It was noticeably cooler in the castle’s lower levels. The inhabitants of familiar “That too,” said Granger. “Are you going to investigate?”
portraits started as they passed, then waved, or gasped out a comment. “Hermione “I’ll pawn it off to one of the newbies.”
Granger and Draco Malfoy! Proper grownups now!” cried a medieval sorceress Granger was beginning to look a bit wobbly in her seat. She squinted at her
who followed them through several paintings. “Look at them!”
almost empty glass.
“Did someone say Draco?” said a snide sort of voice. A black-haired, goateed “Guesses as to our blood alcohol content?”
man popped his head over the edge of a frame.
“Two... two hundred percent, approximately,” said Draco, not stuttering, but
“Hullo, Phineas,” said Draco. close. The booze was starting to hit him, too.
“Why are you here with her?” asked Phineas, jerking his head towards Granger.
“Let’s totter off to find something actually edible,” said Granger, rising. She
“Work,” said Draco. swayed on her feet. “Oh, bloody hell. I can’t Apparate.”
Now a knight galloped into view along a wide seascape. “Ah! Hermione
Granger! Well met, my lady! Well met!”

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 They sat themselves at a grubby table near what had probably been a window, Granger, who kept glancing over her shoulder as though McGonagall might
once, except it was now coated with grime. materialise and give her a scolding, smiled at the sight of the knight. “Sir Cadogan!”
The Skrewt dropped two smudged glasses onto the table and poured out “You’re with this rapscallion, are you?” said the knight, pointing at Draco with
something clear into them before stomping off to the kitchen. his sword. “Are you here under duress?”
A powerful odour of turpentine washed over the table. Granger glanced at Draco, as though wondering whether to say yes and have
Granger sniffed at her glass and her eyes watered. “Oh my -- it’s going to be a him suffer the fury of an 11 inch oil painting. “No, I’m here willingly. It turns out
proper sinus cleanser.” he’s all right.”
“Can’t be worse than Affpuddle’s Absinthe, can it?” asked Draco. “Cheers.” “Is he?” asked Sir Cadogan, flipping his visor open and observing Draco. “Stout-
Granger held up her glass to Draco’s with a worried look. She took a generous hearted?”
swallow of hers; he threw back half of his. They both sputtered and coughed. “He’s an Auror, you daft bugger,” said Phineas. “Of course he’s stout-hearted.
“Burning,” choked out Granger. Risking his neck for imbeciles daily, I’d wager.”
“Th-that’s some first class nectar,” hacked Draco. “Me? A daft bugger? How dare you? You, Sir, are a curmudgeonly old scroat,
“I’ve never felt so alive,” sniffed Granger. and I am going to remove your tongue.” Sir Cadogan lowered his visor and clanged
They drank again to confirm that it had been that bad. It had. Granger was a towards Phineas, who exited the painting rather swiftly.
weepy mixture of laughing and coughing. Draco lost most of his voice. “Farewell, my lady!” echoed Sir Cadogan’s voice as he, too, disappeared.
“What the hell is this stuff?” asked Draco hoarsely. They came to the Potions classroom. The door was ajar. Draco walked in.
“Was it distilled in a toilet?” enquired Granger. Everything looked the same, only smaller -- the well-scrubbed worktops, the row of
The Skrewt had placed the bottle on a shelf behind the bar. Draco levitated it to beaten-up sinks, the cauldrons heaped along the back wall.
them. Draco made his way to what had been his work table for seven years. Granger
It was Troll vodka. stood indecisively at the door, then followed him in.
The label included a warning that it was not to be consumed neat and to please “I wonder who the new Potions professor is,” she said, observing a bookshelf
drink responsibly. near the door. “They’re quite modern, anyway; they’ve got Buxton’s works, and
Which was red flag number three, but hey-ho; in for a Knut, in for Galleon. Keynes’. Snape preferred the 19th Century masters. Bit of a traditionalist.” She
“88 percent ABV,” gasped Granger. “Brilliant. I had just wanted to begin the turned to look at Draco and found that he had disappeared. “Er -- what are you
week with a spot of alcohol poisoning.” doing?”
“It’s fine,” said Draco in his broken voice. “We’ll have food soon.” In retrospect, Draco had crouched under this old work table and sent a Lumos under it.
there was such beautiful positivity in that thought. The Skrewt emerged from the “Hah!” he said. Granger’s knees came into view, and then her face as she crouched
kitchen with plates. next to him. Draco pointed to the crude cock and balls carved under the desk.
“Steak,” he grunted as he slapped a plate in front of Draco. “Salad,” he said, “Wow,” said Granger.
dropping that one in front of Granger. “Bangers and mash,” he concluded, “Left my mark,” said Draco.
throwing the final dish between the two of them, before Skrewting away. “An enduring legacy, to be sure,” said Granger. She shuffled under the desk on
Draco and Granger observed these offerings. her knees, examining the rest of Draco’s oeuvre, which consisted chiefly of his own
“Was this steak cooked on a radiator?” asked Draco. initials.
“What’s this?” she asked, pointing to an oblong sort of blob. “A hedgehog?”
Draco crept closer to study the mysterious hieroglyph.

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 “A conker?” asked Granger. Granger made for the corridor they’d come down, from the Potions classroom.
Draco shook his head and said, gravely, “I believe that that is what twelve-year- Draco caught her by the elbow and showed her a quicker way out, up a narrow
old me thought lady bits looked like.” staircase that led straight to the Entrance Hall.
Granger burst into laughter. Why had he caught her by the elbow? He’d had no reason to catch her by the
“A hedgehog,” repeated Draco with exaggerated offence. elbow. He could’ve just said something. That was stupid, and a failure of Quashing.
“It has an eye,” said Granger, pointing at a speck. He let her climb the narrow stair first and, because her bum was right there, he
“Conker hunting will now take on an exciting new meaning,” mused Draco. looked at his feet all the way up.
“Hopefully your knowledge of female anatomy has improved a little.” Granger peered into the Great Hall again on the way out, hoping to find Pince.
“I’ve remedied the gaps in my knowledge since.” She was not there. Granger muttered some words of irritation.
“I’ve a few anatomy texts I can lend you, if you need help. So you know where to They exited the castle and descended the steps onto the gravel way that led back
poke the hedgehogs.” to Hogsmeade. The air smelled of sweet grass and the delicate fragrance of the
“Unnecessary, but thank you for your largesse of spirit.” willows that bordered the lake.
Granger was looking at the ‘hedgehog’ and pressing her hands to her mouth to It was good to be outside again.
keep from laughing again. As they came into Hogsmeade, Granger drifted towards the Three Broomsticks.
The moment felt surreal. Draco was in the Hogwarts dungeons, crouching “I’m properly famished. Have you eaten?”
under a Potions work table with Hermione Granger. He had spent seven years in “No,” said Draco. “No lunch, either; the corpses put me off.”
this dungeon, staring at the back of her head, hating her. And now, somehow, Granger wrinkled her nose. “Well -- you’re welcome to join me, but it won’t be
almost two decades later, they were back, a respected Auror and esteemed Healer, quite as recherché as the Manor’s fare.”
on their knees, giggling about yonic conkers. She tried the door of the Three Broomsticks, only to find a notice indicating that
He had a strange moment of regret that it had taken this long -- that they had they were closed until September.
spent so much time loathing each other. They walked on to Madam Puddifoot’s, which was equally shuttered. Finally,
And then he had an equally strange moment of hope that it wasn’t too late. they reached the Hog’s Head.
(Too late for what? He didn’t know, exactly.) Granger hovered indecisively at the door. “Not sure I’m this desperate. I’ve
Their knees touched. heard it’s gone quite downhill since Aberforth retired.”
Granger pulled away. She rose and dusted herself off briskly. “Right. Enough of “What? Can’t be that bad for a pint and bit of pub grub, can it?” It could.
your conceptual vulvas. Let’s get to your common room.” Draco and Granger were welcomed (if such a cheerful term could be used) by a
Draco extricated himself from under the table and joined her. man who looked more like a Skrewt than most Skrewts do. He looked irritated that
Granger attempted to lead the way, but it soon became clear that she had no they dared to give him business. That was red flag number one that this was going
more than a general sense of where the Slytherin common room was. to be a uniquely terrible experience.
“Over here,” called Draco as she took a wrong turn. “Haven’t you ever been?” They asked for a pint; they were told that there was no ale left on the premises.
Granger turned around and caught up to him. “I didn’t have many Slytherin That was red flag number two. At this juncture, a wiser pair would have upped and
friends -- so, no.” left, but a kind of curiosity had been lit in them, to see how bad this could actually
They stopped at a nondescript wall. get.
Granger looked about curiously. “Here?” “We’ll take what you’ve got then, mate,” said Draco. “And a bit of whatever’s in
the kitchen.”

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 Draco turned to examine a bedpost. “Do you know, I don’t think I ever did.” “Yes. The next question will be the password, of course,” said Draco.
Granger perched herself on the edge of what had been Nott’s bed. She passed “You want us to stand here and guess?”
her hands over her bare arms. “Didn’t you find it dreary in here? I can’t imagine “Let’s have a go. For five minutes, Granger. I’m not asking you to blurt out
how cold it was in the winter.” Slytheriny things for the next week.”
“It wasn’t too different from the Manor,” shrugged Draco. “We had the fire Granger looked doubtful. “What sort of Slytheriny things should we blurt
going, and warming charms, and hot toddy and Firewhisky.” out?”
A group of Grindylows was drifting by the window. Granger turned to watch. “Famous Slytherins. Ingredients. Ethically questionable spells. Anything you can
Again, Draco was struck by the incongruity of the moment. Hermione Granger, think of.”
in a bright sundress, with him in his childhood dormitory. He wondered what They called out guesses: plants and potions and curses and creatures. Rafflesia.
young Draco would’ve thought of it all. What would he have said if now-Draco Vermiculus. Banshee. Imperata cylindrica. Flesh-eating slug. Hebridean Black
told him that Granger would grow up to be pretty and witty and terrifyingly clever? Dragon. Cuscata. Mountain Troll. Locomotor Wibbly. Belladonna. Nargle. Bloody
That she’d boss him about a little and that he sometimes enjoyed it? That he’d make Baron. Thestral. Basilisk.
her laugh on purpose just to see it? Not even a quiver from the stone. Granger seemed to take it personally and
He’d tell him he was a soppy fucking wanker. began to warm up to the exercise.
Difficult to disagree. “Tacca chantirieri,” she said, a hand on her hip. “Entomorphis!”
“Have you reminisced to your satisfaction?” asked Granger. “Melofors,” tried Draco. “Erkling? Parseltongue. Salazar’s bollocks.”
“Yes,” said Draco. Granger switched strategies and began to list posh things. “Fox hunting. Tweed.
Better to move on than continue to think wanky thoughts. Sabrage.”
Granger rose. He watched her skirts pass the bed. A whiff of her soap followed. Draco tried some Latin for variety. “Oderint dum metuant. Non ducor, duco.
He quashed a not-quite-formed idea involving Granger and this old bed before Carpe noctem.”
it could reach a shape and then -- horrors -- live on in his mind’s eye. “Gilets,” said Granger. “Regattas! Pimm’s. Mustard trousers. Black market
They retraced their steps out of the dormitory and through the common room. organs.”
Draco took a final look around. He mightn’t be back here for another decade. “Puffskein? Blood-sucking bugbear!”
Would it feel even smaller, then? As life pelted relentlessly onwards and his “Melon baller!” cried Granger.
childhood memories shrank and shrank into an ever-smaller pinprick of light “Godric Gryffindor is an absolute muppet,” said Draco with great authority.
behind him? A shudder ran through the wall.
Granger was smiling at him. Granger gasped. “Godric is a bellend. A tosspot!”
“What?” asked Draco. “Godric couldn’t organise a piss-up in a pub. Godric is a useless fucking
“You really did come to reminisce,” said Granger. “You’ve gone all -- all wistful.” wanker.”
Draco shrugged. “Godric is a right numpty.”
“I think it’s rather sweet,” said Granger, looking wistful herself. “A pillock!”
She looked as though she caught herself, then, and grew serious, and strode “An infantile pillock.”
away. “Do you want to go to your common room?” asked Draco. “Godric has saggy balls.”
She shook her head. “I come here more often than you. Another time.” “Godric is a slobbering plonker.”

340 | Lughnasadh: The top of the world Twenty-Two | 337

 “Godric is a proper duffer.” in Draco’s youth -- tufted leather sofas and high-backed chairs, ornately carved
“A thicko!” tables and cabinets. Gilded mirrors shone in shadows.
“Godric the Gormless.” The elaborately carved stone fireplace was unlit. On the walls around it, portraits
“Quite.” of famous Slytherins were displayed. Merlin was reading something and spared
A nasally kind of laugh emanated from behind them. Phineas had slipped into a Draco a raised eyebrow. Salazar’s chair was empty. Phineas did not reappear. There
painting of a mountainous landscape. “This is wildly entertaining.” were two new additions amongst the portraits: Slughorn and Snape. Slughorn was
Granger leapt into the air and looked guilty. Her cheeks were flushed as she napping with a bottle of Ogden’s Old held snug in his arms. Snape’s black-robed
addressed the former headmaster. “Er -- hello again. Have you -- have you still got silhouette lurked at the back of his portrait, brewing something.
your tongue?” Draco ran his hand along the back of a sofa. For seven years, he had plotted and
“Obviously,” said Phineas. schemed here. He had presided like a little lord over a group of friends, many of
“O, good. We were just, er—” whom were now dead. He’d felt terribly important here, terribly savvy and wise and
“Breaking into the common room,” said Draco. adult.
“To what end, pray?” asked Phineas. And now it felt like a children’s playroom. The desks for their homework. The
Draco shrugged. “To reminisce about days gone by.” House rules pinned to the noticeboard. The faded banners celebrating past House
Cup victories. The bookshelves with their worn textbooks. It was all so small.
“You? Want to reminisce? With Hermione Granger?”
Granger sniffed. “They ought to replace the rugs. It smells like feet.” Granger
Granger held up her finger. “Actually, I—”
could always be counted on to rout the sentimentality out of anything.
“O, yes,” interjected Draco. “We are reliving our terribly fond memories of one
She wandered to the far edge of the dungeon, which extended partly under the
another.”
lake. “Now this is interesting,” she said, having come to the windows that gave into
“I was under the apprehension that you hated each other,” said Phineas.
the water.
“We do,” said Draco and Granger at the same time.
“There’s a better view from the dormitories,” said Draco. “Come on.”
Draco felt that the assertion would’ve been more credible if Phineas hadn’t just
She followed him down a corridor and into the boys’ dormitory that had been
caught them giggling at a wall, shouting about Godric’s balls.
his for seven years. A window into the lake took up the entirety of the western wall.
Phineas looked at Granger, who was blushing furiously, and then at Draco, who
“Fascinating!” said Granger, stepping up to it.
met his eye with a smirk.
“The Giant Squid passes by now and again. Merfolk, too.”
“You make even less sense than you did as smelly pubescents. Congratulations.”
Draco left her to her observation. He walked into the circle of five green-
“Thank you,” said Draco.
canopied beds that took up the rest of the room. Goyle, Crabbe, Zabini, Nott.
“Password is Gurdyroot,” said Phineas, disappearing from view. “Only because
Dead, dead, alive, alive.
you managed to make me laugh. Don’t get bodily fluids on the upholstery.”
Finally, he came to what had been his bed. Surely, surely it hadn’t been this small.
While Granger sputtered at the effrontery, Draco turned to the wall.
It had always felt so vast.
“Gurdyroot.” The wall opened to reveal the dark, polished door that led to the
He stretched out on it and chortled. His feet hung over the edge.
Slytherin common room. Draco pushed it open.
Granger drifted over, having heard his laugh. “No Giant Squid, but I see that a
It looked as though the school had made some efforts to lighten the place up.
Giant Malfoy has taken possession of one of the beds.”
The greenish, bulbous lights of Draco's day had been replaced by gas lamps that
“I can hardly believe this is the same bed.”
lent a warm glow to the room. The furnishings looked much the same as they had
“Did you carve any genitalia into it, so we can authenticate it?”

338 | Lughnasadh: The top of the world Twenty-Two | 339

 Tonks took point on updating Robards and -- with a sigh -- Shacklebolt. “He Granger responded after a few minutes:
won’t be happy about us keeping the harvest moon attacks under wraps. He’ll have to
take that up with Robards. But at least we’ve a plan to keep Hermione safe and well.” All right. Do tell me if you change your
Draco escorted Granger back to her cottage to pack up for what Granger called a mind.
“Hopefully extremely brief” stay at the Manor.
The excellent thing about moving Miss Dab Hand at Extension Charms was that
it was an almost painless process. Draco hardly had time to send word to the elves to No. He wasn’t going to change his mind about dinner with her. He was only
prepare one of the guest suites for Colleague Healer Granger when she announced going to daydream about it all evening, thanks.
that she was ready. Days passed. Smethwyck sent Draco plans for a full-scale renovation of the Janus
Whatever belongings she’d deemed indispensable (including both copies of Thickey Ward, per his instructions. The plans were remarkably detailed and
Revelations) were in a Muggle rolly case thingy, magically Extended. thorough. Architects and consulting engineers had been pre-selected, pending his
Her cat was wrestled, hissing and scratching, into a carrier. approval, to reimagine the Ward and create a state-of- the-art retreat for long-term
“I’m instructing the elves to keep your stay utterly under wraps,” said Draco as they care patients. Consultation processes were outlined, as well as plans for specialist
made their way to the cottage’s front door. “My mother won’t even know about it Healer and nurse training. A new structure for interdisciplinary collaborations and
until we decide that it’s safe to say something.” research focusing on long term ailments was proposed.
Granger looked uneasy. “When will she be back?” The general whiff of competence that floated off the page was, Draco knew,
“March, I believe. She’s decided to skip the English winter altogether.” atypical of St. Mungo’s administration. It smelled like Granger.
Granger’s unease persisted. “Right. Good. The elves themselves, though -- if It occurred to him that he could ask her, but no -- it was safer to keep
someone were to try to reach me in the Manor, and one of the elves got hurt? Or communications to a minimum. He approved of the plans and made arrangements
killed? The thought makes me sick.” for the transfer of the funds.
“Didn’t you hear Tonks? Stop worrying. No one in their right mind would look He refused an invitation to attend an announcement-slash-fête at St. Mungo’s in
for you there. And if they did, they’d need two dozen ward breakers bashing away for honour of the gift; she would be there. He therefore indicated that he wished to
days -- which I can assure you I would notice. This was one of Weasley’s brighter keep a low profile and that the new Ward was the focus, not him. Please get
ideas.” plastered on champagne in his honour.
Granger fell silent, but the frown that pulled her brows together told Draco that Granger sent him a Jot, after the event, saying that she had hoped to see him
she had most certainly not stopped worrying. there, why hadn’t he come? Draco said he had been busy -- cannibal warlock in
At the Manor, Henriette greeted them at the great doors and whisked Granger off Castle Combe eating tourists, you know. Granger said, of course, she understood.
to a guest suite overlooking the gardens. When it came time to recast Granger’s wards, Draco deliberately chose moments
Granger’s cat was released into the suite, where it indicated its disapproval of the when she was elbow-deep in someone’s intestines in A&E.
situation by streaking under the bed and hissing at anyone who approached. In the weeks that followed, Draco, with increasing desperation, even went on
Draco followed at a distance as Henriette gave Granger a tour of the Manor. The dates. They were fine, as far as they went -- which wasn’t very far. The witches
old house-elf had understood the gravity of the situation. There were no coy looks in didn’t trigger whatever primitive portion of his brain they used to trigger. This
Draco’s direction, nor any mucking about with roses. Henriette was all business. resulted in Draco acting like a perfect gentleman, because he made positively no
Colleague Healer Granger must be made comfortable and kept safe. moves to fuck, or even snog, anyone, but he did a great deal of pulling out of chairs
and opening doors (so that they could leave).

392 | Nearness of Granger, Perils of Twenty-three | 357

 No tits were spaffed upon. “No,” said Granger, shaking her head. “I have the same objection as with Harry
Theo advised him that his virtuous behaviour was read as a Maturing by their and Ron -- I won’t put Malfoy’s household in danger. If the Manor were attacked,
acquaintance and that all and sundry were now convinced that Draco Malfoy had and something were to happen to his mother, or the house-elves--”
earnestly begun his search for a wife. “The Manor is nigh impenetrable,” said Tonks. “As are most of those old estates. It
Which was better than the impotence thing, Draco supposed. He resigned took twenty ward-breakers three days to get in, during that last push in the War. It's
himself to a monk-like existence (avec wank) because, apparently, no witch in the ten times safer than our safest safehouse”
world was good enough for his cock, except for one, maybe, but he wasn’t thinking “True,” said Draco. He tried not to sound particularly eager. “Also -- my mother is
of her. She did not exist except as a Principal under remote protection, whose heart spending the season on the Continent. She isn’t at the Manor.”
occasionally called to him through the ring. Granger, wide-eyed, turned to him. “Are you agreeing with this idea?”
But it was all under control. It was fine. Draco produced the world’s most careless shrug. “I think it’s an option worth
If Granger noticed a withdrawal on his part, she made no comment. Her considering.”
communications mirrored his -- brief and to the point. Which was an understatement. He bloody loved it. It was perfect. She’d be
So August bled into September in long, Grangerless days. protected by centuries- old magicks, they’d have house-elves as secondary surveillance,
Autumn came all of a sudden after a particularly cold night, turning the Manor’s and he’d be there every night. He was positively delighted by it.
leafy gardens into a glorious pageant of colour. Weasley, who was looking on smugly, rose an entire inch in Draco’s esteem.
The Auror Office was kept busy. A witch summoned an Eldritch abomination Meanwhile, Potter was eyeing Granger. “The Manor isn’t exactly the site of happy
in Northamptonshire. During the three nights of September’s harvest moon, there memories, is it? You’d be all right with this, Hermione?”
was a rash of werewolf attacks whose sole objective seemed to be increasing Granger was still staring at Draco in confusion. “Hm? Oh -- no, it’d be all right. I’ve
infections amongst the wizarding population. Tonks formed a Werewolf Task Force been back since. One of Narcissa Malfoy’s functions.” (Draco noted that she did not
(the WTF). Potter, who led the Task Force, told Draco that it was aptly named, as mention the dinner.) “It was -- fine. Objectively speaking, it’s not an unreasonable
their meetings consisted chiefly of saying “What the fuck” as news of fresh attacks suggestion, as a temporary measure. I only hesitate because it feels like a real
came in. imposition.”
In brief, it was business as usual. “An imposition? Pish tosh -- there are about fifty rooms in the Manor,” said
As the month wore on, Draco began to keep an eye on his Jotter. With Tonks, waving any real or imagined reservations away in her cousin’s place. “Malfoy
September’s end came Mabon, the autumnal equinox. won’t even know you’re there.”
Granger was punctual. A few days before Mabon, Draco’s Jotter went off. When Granger’s glance passed over to Draco. Tonks, too, pinned him with an inquisitive
he saw that it was from her, he was exceedingly collected -- bored, even -- and his eye.
heart rate did not accelerate in the least. “Let’s do it,” said Draco, endeavouring for neutrality in his expression. “It’s an easy
With a detached kind of ennui, he read the missive: short term solution. We can always revisit -- or we can be creating a proper safehouse in
the meantime, off the books.”
Haven’t done any of the legwork I was Tonks rubbed her hands together. “Brilliant. Weasley is absolutely correct -- Malfoy
meant to do before Mabon. Day will Manor is the last place on earth anyone would expect to find Hermione Granger.”
consist of gallivanting across the UK, The remainder of the meeting passed in a tangle of debates on logistics, timetables,
looking at mushrooms. Leave your and ambushes.
attendance to your discretion.

358 | Draco Malfoy, Notorious Auror Twenty-Five | 391

them drew up a draft schedule to ensure that, wherever Granger went, there would be
someone with her -- either Draco or another Auror. Odds of hags or nuns?
Granger agreed to cut down on her public appearances. She also agreed, glumly, to
suspend her duties in the Muggle world -- the shifts at the Muggle surgery and the Low to nonexistent. Visiting megalithic
teaching at Muggle Cambridge -- until Greyback had been caught. Non-magical tombs - exteriors only - to examine
locations were too difficult to protect. fungi.
Magical locations were far safer by nature, but an Auror would heretofore
accompany her at her lab and at St. Mungo’s A&E. Given your penchant for attracting
The discussion turned to housing. Granger agreed to move to a safehouse, as long danger, I expect a deluge of dark
as it was within Flooing distance of her laboratory. The dozen safehouses managed by creatures.
the DMLE were discussed, each of which offered pros and cons (location, ease of
travel, defensibility). Tonks and Draco shared a certain anxiety about the fact that the The only deluge will be a spot of rain
safehouses were necessarily known to many Aurors and DMLE staff. hardly worthy of the name.
Other options were discussed. Creating a new safehouse? Complex and time-
consuming, but an option. Fine. Won’t go, but do send itinerary
Potter and Weasley each suggested that Granger stay in one of their homes. Draco when ready.
pointed out that moving Granger to the residence of either of her best mates was a
blatantly obvious next move. In any case, Granger rejected the option point-blank: she
wouldn’t put their families in danger. She levelled the same objection at Potter’s And, for a little while, that was that.
suggestion of Hogwarts -- children were not acceptable as potential collateral damage. Until all hell broke loose, of course, and Granger lost all of her Alone Privileges
“Chuck her in Malfoy’s bloody Manor,” said Weasley, jerking a thumb towards before she could even begin to gallivant.
Draco. “No one will look for her there.”
Granger said, “Hah!”
Potter laughed and then grew thoughtful. Hell broke loose on a Wednesday night. Draco was on the Manor’s Quidditch
Tonks took the suggestion with a surprising degree of seriousness. She pressed a pitch, pursuing the Snitch through driving rain, when his wand whistled out the
finger to her chin and said, “Weasley has made a point.” alarm for Granger’s laboratory.
Granger blinked. At the same moment, his Jotter buzzed with a note from Granger:
Draco felt a swell of confused anticipation.
“We could set up decoy Hermiones in the safehouses and her cottage,” mused Someone is here.
Tonks.
“Traps,” said Draco.
“I like traps,” nodded Potter. “And ambushes.” Which informed Draco that not only was someone prying at Granger’s
“I’m brilliant,” said Weasley. laboratory wards, but also, Granger was at the bloody laboratory. At midnight. By
Tonks nodded. “Ingenious, really.” herself.

390 | Nearness of Granger, Perils of Twenty-three | 359

 The ring at his finger echoed fear. Draco didn’t bother with explanations for his She turned away when he caught her eye. Draco determined to keep catching her
befuddled teammates, who were querying him rudely about why the fuck he was when she observed him, to interrupt her thought process and keep himself safely
checking his bloody Jotter instead of catching the Snitch? Unsolved.
Just as Draco pulled out his wand to Disapparate, his ring burned. Granger had Tonks arrived, preceded by the sound of her combat boots stamping along the
activated the distress beacon. corridor. She looked as unruffled as ever and entered the room at full tilt. Her elbow
Granger had never before activated the distress beacon. Fuck. collided vigorously with the back of Potter's head.
A shock of adrenaline and dread coursed through Draco, matching that he felt “Sorry,” said Tonks. “It didn't ring hollow -- that's a compliment, Potter. We’ve all
through the ring. He Disapparated from the pitch to the Manor and Flooed to been brought up to speed?”
Cambridge. King’s Hall was warded against Apparition, so he Apparated again just Granger put away her mobile. “Yes, boss,” said the Aurors.
outside its doors, where he thwacked the bronze plaque with his wand until the Tonks sat at the head of the table. “We’ve rather a lot to discuss, but let's begin with
magically concealed building appeared. The ring burned with increased urgency. the most important bit: Hermione’s safety.”
Granger’s heart was racing. Potter and Weasley both leaned forwards, as though ready to seize Granger and
Draco’s broom was still in his hand and provided a convenient means of carry her off to a distant tower, never to be seen again.
whipping up the three storeys to the Granger laboratory. As he rounded the final “Right,” said Weasley. “We’ve got to get her out of here. What d’you fancy,
corner at breakneck speed, dread in his veins, he cast a Disillusionment and a flurry Hermione? Madagascar? Greenland? Tibet?”
of protective spells on himself. Draco could not blame the man for the reaction -- he had had precisely the same
First he thought he’d missed the intruder again. The impersonal sign on the reflex. Granger was tight about the jaw. “I am positively not going anywhere.”
door -- GRANGER. Ring for attention -- loomed large in his vision. Then he grew An explosive argument ensued, of course. Potter and Weasley pushed for Granger’s
aware of sounds and movement just outside the door. Draco stilled the broom and immediate evacuation, the more remote the location, the better. They were motivated
his breathing and cast nonverbal revelation spells. by genuine worry and the same anxieties that Draco suffered at the sound of
Three Disillusioned figures came into view. Two were crouched and working on Greyback’s hated name. Draco, having already attempted that line of argument
the wards -- which were withstanding the assault without trouble -- and one was unsuccessfully, now sided with Granger. There was too much riding on her research --
standing sentinel. The sentinel did not detect Draco’s silent, invisible approach on if Greyback continued to be as wily as they knew him to be, they were looking at
the broom. potentially hundreds, if not thousands of new infections over untold full moons,
Granger was safe within -- that was the main thing. Now Draco’s dread gave way while work on Granger’s cure stalled.
to relief and a desire to systematically dismember each of these men. Tonks, with a look of saintly forbearance upon her face, allowed the argument to
King’s Hall did not permit Apparition or Disapparition within its walls. Which roil for four minutes. Then she clapped her hands. “Thank you, boys, for sharing your
was, at this particular moment, ideal. Draco shot a silent Caeli Praesidium over his thoughts. Fortunately, none of your opinions matter.”
shoulder, which expanded into a geodesic, cage-like ward, sealing the corridor shut Draco, Potter, and Weasley experienced ego death.
behind him. These men would not be leaving here under their own power. Tonks continued as they clutched at the shredded remains of their psyches. “The
Three baddies against one Draco. You had to feel a bit sorry for them. Auror Office does not have the authority to tell the eminent Professor Granger what
He got a Stunner off on the one who was playing sentinel, then cast a Finite to she can and cannot do. Our job is to keep her protected as she carries out her project,
rid the others of their Disillusion, and then the game began in earnest. Judging by as requested by the Minister. So. First order of business: scheduling and housing.”
the eruption of spells aimed in his direction, of the two remaining wizards, the tall Potter and Weasley’s cadavers twitched out some arguments, but Tonks’ lips were
growing more pursed by the minute, and they wisely gave it up. Together, the five of

360 | Draco Malfoy, Notorious Auror Twenty-Five | 389

As the lead on the WTF, Potter looked to have found a fresh determination to catch one was the more seasoned duellist and the bald one was a twitchy, panicky loose
the werewolves. There was a dangerous green light in his eye. cannon.
Weasley was quite as goggle-eyed as Draco had been the night before on the Draco, still Disillusioned, flattened himself against a wall and sent two more
potential for a cure for lycanthropy. His reactions consisted chiefly of repetitions of Stunners, deflected by the tall one. He managed enough eye-contact with the bald
“Blimey!” and “Bloody hell!” and “You’re brilliant, Hermione!” one for a spot of Legilimency, which informed him that a killing curse was coming
Granger gave him a quick smile. She and Draco were then quizzed on the break-in his way. He rolled the broom and floated to the ceiling as the curse flashed green
attempt. where he had been a moment before.
“I’ve got a recording of it,” said Granger, and she pulled out her mobile. A killing curse so early in the game was unusual -- and also, terribly unsporting.
It seemed that she had been able to preserve the camera footage in a kind of mini It upped the stakes. No more playing nice. No more Stunners.
film. Curious in spite of himself, Draco rose to join Potter and Weasley in crowding Draco severed the bald man’s wand arm for his impudence. Amongst the
around Granger and watching the small screen. screams and spurts of blood, he sized up the tall wizard. His attempt at Legilimency
He quelled a flicker of jealousy at the easy way that Potter propped an elbow on there was blocked by novice level Occlusion -- just enough to prevent him from
Granger’s armrest and came in close to her, and how Weasley casually threw himself gleaning the wizard’s next move at this range.
around the back of her chair -- all while Draco stood a decorous and stiff arm’s length The tall one sent a Confrigo through the corridor, too large to dodge, forcing
away. Draco to throw a Protego and reveal his approximate location.
Granger played the film. Draco, having been Disillusioned for most of the “There you are, you bastard,” hissed Tall, and he sent another.
skirmish, was largely invisible until the end, his whereabouts only indicated by bursts It exploded against Draco’s ward at the end of the corridor. “He’s bloody locked
of spells and their effects on his opponents -- the severed arms, the sentry consumed by us in,” gasped Tall at this sight.
the Bombarda. The fight had lasted an age in Draco’s head, but it had taken less than a The bald wizard cradled his bloody stump to his chest, snatched his wand with
minute in real time. his other hand and regained his feet. A look into his mind informed Draco of
Weasley clapped him on the shoulder. “You gave them hell. Well done, mate.” another imminent Avada Kedavra.
Potter shook his hand. “Remind me never to duel you.” Draco’s second cutting curse left Bald a double amputee.
“Play it again,” said Weasley. As the screams began again, Draco said, “I would cast a cooling charm on the
The replay was accompanied by much commentary by Potter and Weasley. “The severed limbs, if I were you, you know -- so they can be reattached.”
killing curse right off the bat -- that fucking wanker -- can you imagine if they’d got in? The tall one grew panicky, but had the presence of mind to Disillusion himself
Hermione wouldn’t have stood a chance. Oh! Look at the blood! Ha! Majestic spurt, again. Amongst Bald’s screams, he and Draco traded spells of varying nastiness and
that! Disarming’s meant to be Harry’s thing, but you’ve put a new spin on it, Malfoy. legality, each looking for a weakness in the other’s shields.
Dis-arming. Ha ha! That bloke’s face when he realises he’s trapped! Nice Quidditch The tall wizard was skilled at defensive spells and deflections. Draco made his
kit, they’ll have a phobia of Seekers for life... is that the newest Étincelle?” way closer to him, hoping to get a spell in from closer range.
Draco left them to their several re-watches, resuming his seat on the other side of Draco got another Finite in, ridding his opponent of his Disillusion while
the table. granting himself enough eye contact for another attempt at Legilimency. At this
He glanced at Granger and found that she wasn’t looking at her mobile, but rather closer range and with a more powerful push of it, he caught a glimpse of an
at him. Her expression took him a moment to interpret -- it was something serious, imminent Bombarda.
something studious, something pensive.
She was puzzle-solving. Blast.

388 | Nearness of Granger, Perils of Twenty-three | 361

 He levitated the Stunned body of the sentinel in front of himself to catch the identity of the person who gave them their instructions. However -- I did discover
brunt of it. Noble duellists were dead duellists -- and Draco intended to be neither something rather interesting. Both men are werewolves, and both participated in the
of these things. harvest moon attacks.”
The tall wizard swore as watched himself cremate his colleague. Meanwhile, Tonks placed a slip of parchment on the table. “The mediwitch’s post-mortem
Bald’s screams of pain were echoing throughout the corridor and, frankly, confirms that the other one was a werewolf, as well.”
distracting. Tonks looked from Granger to Draco and back again. “Thoughts? Reactions
“Shh,” said Draco, standing behind him and sending a silencing spell at point- from the two luminaries before me?”
blank range into his larynx. The luminaries looked at one another.
The bald one collapsed, clutching at his convulsing throat. Granger shifted. “I think it’s time I told you what I’m working on. Malfoy, would
Draco was hit with a Finite. Which was fine -- he didn’t mind them knowing you do the honours for the Vow of Secrecy?”
who was about to finish them off. The Vow was cast. Granger summarised her work and findings for Tonks, and
The tall one made a sprint past Draco to the exit. He was repelled by the ward Draco added the equally interesting (and distressing) discovery that Fenrir Greyback
and flung back towards Draco. had returned and appeared to have reassembled something of his old pack. They were
Now panicking enough to turn to Unforgivables, he raised his wand, a killing probably the ones responsible for the full moon attacks, on top of targeting Granger.
curse in his eyes. Draco spat out an Immobulus, freezing the man’s wand arm into “Bonkers,” gasped Tonks. “The whole jolly lot of them.”
its upward trajectory. The killing curse flashed green against the ceiling. Granger concluded with the same cautionary language that she had used with
He gasped, “You f--” but Draco’s choking curse hit him in the neck. He fell to his Draco the night before, about uncharted waters and the uncertain outcome of the
knees, clutching at his throat. clinical trials.
Draco straightened his robes. The wards were intact and Granger was safe, and Tonks took the news of Granger’s lycanthropy cure with laudable neutrality, given
this now felt like a long-awaited opportunity to get some fucking answers. Lupin’s condition. Only her mohawk betrayed her, turning a few shades paler than its
Draco usually adhered, more or less, to the standard Auror interrogation blood red.
protocols, but tonight, he had no time for them. He pulled the choking wizard’s She gave Granger a long, adoration-filled look, whispered, “Incredible,” and then
head back by the hair, forced open his eyes, and plunged into his mind. she turned brisk.
The man’s Occlumency offered meagre resistance in his half-conscious state. Draco “Bring Potter and Weasley up to speed under the Vow. We’ll also have to inform
pushed through his memories, following the stream of thoughts that had led him to Robards and Shacklebolt. That would be the extent of it at the moment, I think. We’ll
Granger’s door tonight. This man, whoever he was, was a pawn -- he had received an involve others as needed. Take the conference room. I’ll join you in a moment.”
order from a shadowy figure in a dark room and knew nothing beyond his Tonks shooed them out of her office.
instructions. He was to break into the Granger laboratory and “confirm what the girl As they left, Draco stole a backward glance at her. Tonks was sitting at her desk, her
was doing.” Draco spent a longish moment in that memory, trying to place the hands clasped before her, her knuckles pressed to her mouth.
rasping voice. Her eyes were unusually bright.
The bald one had received his instructions from the tall one, and so was even more In the conference room, Potter and Weasley were apprised of the situation under
useless. the Vow. Their reactions were predictable, but there was something comforting in
The sentinel was the most useless of all, being quite dead and giving off whiffs of their clasping of Granger, in their chest-puffing, gung-ho declarations to keep her safe,
burned pork. and in their table-pounding promises to find Greyback if it was the last thing they did.

362 | Draco Malfoy, Notorious Auror Twenty-Five | 387

 Fucking useless. Draco Stunned the two survivors with unnecessary vigour,
directly in the chest. The bald one’s severed limbs were placed under a stasis charm.
Draco sent a Patronus each to Goggin, Tonks, and the Mediwitch Service. Three
aristocratic Borzoi, tall and silvery, streaked out of his wand and sprinted away.

25
He turned to the laboratory door and slashed away the wards. A few steps took
him to the door to Granger’s office, which he pummelled.
“You in there? Answer, or I shall knock down the door.”
Granger’s shaky voice came through: “What kind of cake did you have at
Tyntesfield?”
Nearness of Granger, There was reassurance in her being well enough to check that Draco was really
Draco. “Poppyseed.”
Perils of Granger pulled open the door, wand in hand, the white sparkle of a waiting
Protego glowing at its tip. She looked pale, but otherwise unhurt. Her eyes were
enormous and darkened by stress.

D
raco awoke, groggy and small-eyed, to the sound of a gasp. Granger was Draco fought a sudden, wild urge to lift her up and squeeze her.
on the stairs, her fingertips on the balustrade, a foot frozen in midair Adrenaline, obviously.
above a step. “There were--” began Draco.
She was looking him and his new accessory -- the sleeping cat, curled about his neck “I know,” said Granger. She held up her mobile. “I watched the entire thing.”
like a hirsute scarf. Draco’s debrief was thrown off course. “What?”
“Er -- good morning,” said Granger, when she saw that she was being observed. “I’ve got a camera in the doorbell,” said Granger. Her mobile screen flashed at him.
The cat stirred at the sound of her voice. It leapt off of Draco using his face as a It showed the now-quiet corridor, an arc of blood splattered across the wall. The
launch point and sauntered towards its mistress. burnt corpse was visible, slumped against the skirting boards.
Granger asked Draco what he would like for breakfast. He requested a cup of Granger was regarding Draco with wide eyes. “Ah,” said Draco.
coffee to wash away the piquant flavour of cat foot. “Are they -- are they all dead?”
Granger made a very decent cup of coffee. “Only one. Caught a Bombarda.”
The morning passed in a flurry of meetings. The first was with Tonks, who they “What did they want from me?” Granger’s voice was small.
met at Auror Headquarters, to hear what she had discovered in the course of her She was shaken. She looked fragile in front of her overstacked desk, her arms
interrogations. wrapped around her midsection, her lips pale.
“You will be delighted to learn that No-Hands’ hands were successfully Draco wanted to hug her again.
reattached,” said Tonks as they arrived. “They had instructions to confirm what you’re doing,” said Draco.
“Too bad,” said Draco. Granger met his eyes. In hers -- alarm, shock, worry. The look in his probably
“That’s what I said.” Tonks closed the door to her office and sat at her desk. matched.
“Murderous little bastard. Right. Sit yourselves down. Robards cleared the use of “Shit,” she breathed.
Veritaserum on our friends last night, so we had a wee chat. Neither man knows the

386 | Nearness of Granger, Perils of Twenty-three | 363

 “Yes,” said Draco. “Whatever Shacklebolt was worried about -- it’s finally Draco had half expected it to hiss at him for daring to be in Granger’s home after
happening. Let’s go.” hours. Instead, the cat trotted towards him with its tail held high, and, with a cat’s
“But how?!” Granger was gathering a few things into her pockets, including bits of unerring instinct for finding warm places, it jumped on him and settled onto his chest.
the computers. “And where are we going?” Draco moved a hand to attempt to stroke its head, but a large paw met his
“Out of here. The wards held. But you will never be here alone again. We need to knuckles and kept his hand down. The claws were sheathed but the message was clear:
talk.” Draco was a heat source and mustn't get presumptuous and think he was anything
“My house?” better.
“Fine -- for tonight. But they know where you live.” “Noli me tangere, is it?” muttered Draco. “I understand. I don't like people
Goggin, Tonks, and the mediwitches arrived within moments of each other. Their touching my hair, either. Except her, but I'd wager you know that.”
footsteps echoed up the three flights of stairs to Granger’s laboratory and they burst The cat blinked its yellow eyes at him.
into the corridor. “She’s warned me about your smothering, so don’t even try,” said Draco.
“Hello, hello, hello,” said Tonks, observing the carnage. “A little midnight duelling The cat’s stare informed Draco without reserve that, if it had wanted him dead, he
after Quidditch, was it?” she asked, when she spotted Draco’s ensemble. would be dead.
“That’s why I smelled bacon,” said Goggin, nudging the sentinel’s body with his “All right,” said Draco.
boot. The cat lowered its head and closed its eyes. There was a tickle of whiskers against
The lead mediwitch grimaced and said that there wasn’t much she could do for Draco’s chin and then a deep rumble.
that one, but she would take it in for a post-mortem. The other two were floated out As he lay there in the dark, under the warmth of the purring cat, his heart still
on stretchers, to which Goggin added rather nasty straps, should they awaken. He shuddered with aftershocks of the fear he had felt when Granger had activated the
followed them out. distress beacon. He didn’t need a Boggart to tell him what he had dreaded to see.
Tonks spotted Granger and flew to her, seized her by the shoulders, and asked if Draco grasped about for the fragments of his self-control, which had shattered so
she was all right. spectacularly that evening. He Occluded and pulled together his discipline, his
“Yes -- I’m fine -- Malfoy arrived within a minute --” said Granger as her face and professionalism, and his pride, and built the Great Wall of Quashing once again.
her hands were alternatively grasped and squeezed by Tonks. It was a useful exercise, in theory.
“You’re sure? You didn’t get hit? No one got in?” In practise, the entire thing was overshadowed by a private fear that the whole
“No -- the wards held beautifully -- I’m fine, really, Tonks--” brittle structure would crumble again, the next time Granger so much as smiled at
“Good. Brilliant. Excellent.” Tonks patted Granger’s cheeks a final time and turned him.
to Draco. “Did you have a chance to have a little peek?”
Strictly speaking, Aurors were not to conduct interrogations without following
specific procedures on suspects in custody. However, practitioners of Legilimency
were allowed to use it during a firefight. If they gleaned anything useful during, that
was a fortunate bonus.
“Only a glimpse,” said Draco. “They’d been instructed to confirm what Granger is
working on. It’ll be worth doing a deeper dive. The taller one had a conversation with
someone -- there was something about his voice -- it was so bloody familiar, but I can’t
place it...”

364 | Draco Malfoy, Notorious Auror Twenty-four | 385

 “Hmm. I do have the latest Journal of Sexual and Reproductive Health.” She “I’ll interrogate them personally,” said Tonks, her hair turning into an ominous
Summoned a volume from one of the piles and flipped through until she found a blood red mohawk. “I’ll tell you two the moment I have anything. Hermione -- my
diagram. “Ooh, here’s a picture.” god, you look about to drop.”
Draco looked at it and read the description. “Fig. 11: Luminal calibre of abnormal “Malfoy was about to take me home,” said Granger.
oviductal wall.” “Home?” Tonks wrinkled her nose. “I don’t love home. We suspect they’d been
“Does that do it for you?” poking about there already, don’t we?”
“No. It curdles my jizz.” “I’ll stay with her overnight,” said Draco. “Then we can make other arrangements.”
Granger took the journal back and flipped to another page. “Try this.” “Other arrangements?” asked Granger as he and Tonks swept her down the stairs.
“Fig. 23,” read Draco. “Fallopian tube -- Cross-section of the tubal lumen. Note the “A safehouse, I’m thinking, until we understand what’s going on, and put away
subepithelial endometrial stroma.” those responsible,” said Tonks.
“Stimulating?” “But I have--”
“Oh yes. Subepithelial endometrial stromas are a particular fetish of mine.” “We'll strive for minimal disruption to work and life,” interrupted Tonks. Her
“Stromata is the plural.” tone, though friendly, brooked no argument.
Draco gave her a long and patient stare. “Right.” Granger looked resigned. It was difficult to mount an objection when evidence of
“That’s your entertainment sorted, then.” Granger placed the volume into his baddies seeking to harm her was splattered bloodily across the wall.
hands. “I’m going to bed -- I’ve got a feeling tomorrow is going to be a long day.” Tonks turned to Draco. “Now that they’ve made a move, I want around the clock
Granger switched off the Muggle lighting, leaving only the fire in the hearth to Auror protection on her, in person. When you’re unavailable, make arrangements. I
illuminate the room. can spare Weasley when needed. Goggin and Humphreys, too.”
She paused at the foot of the stairs and turned to Draco. “Thank you for “Understood.”
everything you did today.” They emerged from King’s Hall. Trinity’s quad glowed with dew under the
Draco waved her off. It was awkward to be the recipient of innocent gratitude waning September moon.
when he had just been terrible in her shower. “Only doing my job.” “They’ve finally begun to show their cards,” said Tonks, tapping at her lip. “Let’s
“Right,” said Granger. “Well -- you do it well, and I’m grateful. You probably saved see what I can discover from No-Hands and Friend tonight. Hermione -- a cup of tea
my life.” or something stronger, please. Well -- I suppose you’re the Healer -- you know how to
“Go sleep,” said Draco. treat shock.”
Granger looked annoyed at this cavalier dismissal, but seemed to decide that it was With that, Tonks raised her wand, spun on her heel, and Disapparated. Draco
Draco being Draco. stuck his elbow out to Granger. “Let’s go.”
“Fine. Good night.” Her eyes were still wide. She hesitated for a moment, then took his arm. They
jostled together as he spun into the Disapparation. He fancied that he felt her
shudder.
Draco drifted into a doze at some point in the night. He was awoken by a light sound, They materialised in Granger’s dark kitchen. She flung an Incendio into the
so quiet that he might’ve dreamed it. hearth and clicked on some Muggle lights.
Gripping his wand, a curse at the ready, he turned his head to see that it was the cat. Then they stood in the middle of the kitchen and looked at each other. There
It spotted him on the sofa at the same moment. was something tense about it.

384 | Draco Malfoy, Literal Wanker Twenty-three | 365

 Draco had rather a lot of things bubbling away, wanting to be communicated -- “It’s all right,” said Granger. She closed the door. He could hear the warble of
that it had been a bloody relief to see her unharmed, that she would never work withheld laughter through it. “I’ve got ones with little cats on them.”
alone again, that if Tonks’ interrogation yielded nothing, he would personally “Show me.”
squeeze the minds the surviving men to eke out any new drop of information... “I’d rather die.”
Granger had one hand clasped in the other, a sure sign that she, too, had things Draco snickered as he pulled his pants on. Then came the loose black trousers and
to say. “Thank y--” began Granger, just as Draco said, “I—” long-sleeved top that he wore under his Quidditch kit. They also smelled like Granger,
They both fell into silence and waited for the other to speak. now -- whatever soap her machine used.
Granger said, “Did you--” and Draco said, “You--” He fixed his hair in the mirror, exceptionally glad that it could not talk and inform
Again they interrupted each other into silence. Granger wrung her hands again, Granger of what it had witnessed.
but there was exasperation in it. “For god’s sake. Talk!” He found himself not quite able to meet her eye as he stepped out of the
“What’s your treatment protocol for shock?” bathroom, but pretended it was because he was looking out of the windows, for
“Er -- well, there are several kinds of shock, of course, so--” Important Auror Security Purposes. She did not need to know what he had just
“Psychological.” imagined her doing.
“Magical or Muggle subject?” He was not looking at her mouth.
“Magical.” Fuck, that had been hot.
Granger rattled off a list, counting on her fingers: “In the immediate: removal of Right.
the stimulus that caused the shock. A brew of opimum tranquillitas -- excellent for Downstairs, Draco was presented with his makeshift bed, which was the sofa,
emotional distress, psychomotor agitation, panic disorders. And, of course, Transfigured into a kind of day bed. Beside it was a glass of water and a packet of
reassurance.” biscuits.
“Right,” said Draco. “Let’s begin with that, then we can talk. Have you any Granger was growing tired -- and with reason, as they were now pushing two
opimum tranquillitas on the premises?” o’clock in the morning. She yawned as she Summoned pillows and a blanket and
“For me?” threw them onto the bed.
“Yes,” said Draco, poking about at the overgrown plants on the window sill. She had even seen fit to provide him with reading material to while away the
“It’s the broad-leafed one. But I’m fine.” hours: a copy of Rasmussen and Vestergaard’s newest article. One glance at the
“No, you’re not. You’ve gone Veela cadaver again, minus the hair.” hideous decasyllabic scientific jargon made his eyes glaze over.
Granger looked into the side of a shiny pot and breathed out a gasp at the sight “Have you got anything more stimulating?” he asked, before the Danes could put
of her reflection. “Oh, my. I’ll -- I’ll put on the kettle, shall I?” him to sleep.
Her hands were quivering. “More stimulating?” repeated Granger, looking offended, as though she had
“And you?” asked Granger as the water boiled. Her gaze ran down his face already given him the most stimulating work written in the entirety of human history
“You’re utterly unfazed, I suppose -- these kinds of episodes must roll right off you.” and he was being precious about it.
Draco, pulling off his Quidditch gloves, shrugged in feigned indifference. He “Yes. Porn mags, or something?” asked Draco with a general hand-wave. “A few
had no interest in informing her that, actually, his mad rush to her side had been back issues of Fantastic Teats and Where to Find Them?”
marked by profound dread and something approaching panic. “They didn’t Not that he required porn mags to get off -- not when he had twenty scenarios
manage to hit me, other than a Finite. I’ve seen worse.” involving her, carefully quashed into the back of his brain. It was, however, amusing
to watch Granger look thoughtfully at the stacks of books around the room.

366 | Draco Malfoy, Notorious Auror Twenty-four | 383

 Then it was time to Quash before his cock decided to awaken. He was not having He passed her a few leaves for her brew. They smelled powerfully of peppermint
a wank in Granger’s shower. He was simply not. when they hit the hot water.
All right, so he was, but it was quick and dirty and borne of post-fight adrenaline. “Should I even offer you a cup?” asked Granger.
It was just to get the job done and get the randiness out of his system. “Go on, then,” said Draco, as the scent wafted to him.
Knowing that she was somewhere on the other side of the door while he stroked Granger poured the tisane into two mugs and they sat at the kitchen table.
himself was unaccountably arousing. He leaned into it, one hand splayed against the She was still regarding him with that wide-eyed look.
tile and one hand working himself over, and the steam and smells of Granger took Of all the things that Draco wanted to blurt out, querying her on that seemed
him to a favourite fantasy involving Granger and her mouth, and delicate hands the least risky. “Why are you giving me a queasy side-eye?”
stroking up and down, and suckling-- Granger didn’t quite seem to know where to look. “I -- er -- I suppose I’m just a
His hand made a fist against the wall as he came with a sharp gasp. bit disconcerted, having seen you in action against those men. You were--” she
He rested his head on his forearm, breathing heavily, dazed, watching the evidence searched for a word for a moment “-- quite ruthless.”
wash down the drain. “When someone uses an unblockable killing curse as their opener, you don’t
Bloody hell. mess about with Stunners.”
But, all right. It was done. It was out of his system. “Oh yes,” said Granger, straightening and nodding. She began a nervous kind of
Everything was under control. explanatory babble. “I suppose I mean that -- that I’ve never seen you like that. I’ve
He turned the water to cold in an effort to cool away the flush across his face and mostly known you as -- as a thorn in my side who shows up when he’s not wanted
chest. and makes remarks. I knew, conceptually, that you were an excellent duellist, but it
The Muggle plumbing did not mess about -- it was glacial. Wanky thoughts were was something else to see it. You know? It -- it quite drove the point home. It was
superseded by shudders as Draco regained his breath. impressive. You were terrifying. But I’m -- so grateful. I turned the ring and had no
Right. He was fine. idea if you’d even come. And then you were there. And there was blood
Granger knocked on the door and startled the shite out of him. everywhere. And I was safe. So -- thank you. I’m going to stop talking now. Would
“What?” he asked, irritated. you like more opimum? I think we need more opimum. I’ll make us another batch,
“Have you quite finished?” (Yes, he had, thank you.) “You’ve taken an age.” shall I?”
“I was positively filthy.” (Also very true.) Granger did not wait for his answer and rose to bustle about with the plant and
“Right. I’ve got your clothes.” the kettle. She was flustered and discomposed. She knocked over the strainer.
Draco stepped out of the shower and opened the door enough for Granger to The final step in Granger’s protocol had been reassurance. Draco supposed that
stuff in his freshly cleaned clothes. Too bad she was so efficient; he would’ve been he could try.
quite happy to walk out wrapped in a towel, for showy-offy purposes. He came to stand next to her at the worktop and stilled her hands with his own.
“A sight faster than I’d have expected,” said Draco. Granger flinched at the touch and looked up at him in confusion.
“Quick-wash only takes a quarter of an hour on my machine. And drying charms “I am now going to attempt Reassurance,” declared Draco.
for the rest. I like your pants.” It was the right thing to say. Granger laughed a small, unexpected laugh.
Draco did not remember what pants he had put on. He apprehensively pulled Terribly trite how he had missed the sound of it.
them out of the pile. They had little dragons on them. The awkward tension, the shutters of standoffishness, loosened.
“Gods,” said Draco. “Go on, then,” said Granger, a bemused smile playing at the corner of her
mouth.

382 | Draco Malfoy, Literal Wanker Twenty-three | 367

 “The minds of the baddies we caught tonight are going to be wrung for every knot. Of course, he’d never had an issue divesting himself of his Quidditch kit in his
iota of information they consciously or unconsciously contain.” literal life, until this moment, when Granger was there to witness his incompetence.
Granger nodded. “Do you need help?” asked Granger.
“And then we will work out who sent them and we will catch them. And you’ll “I’ve got it.”
be able to continue your research unhindered.” Granger observed him as he continued to very much Not Got It.
“Thank you.” She sat down, her hands folded on her knees, to watch his exertions.
“The wards held and you are safe.” “Fine,” spat Draco a moment later, all insouciance gone. “Help me. Don’t cut it;
She nodded again. it’s wyvern leather.”
He could have ended it there. But he had something else to say. His grasp “All right,” said Granger. Her face was grave but her lips were pressed together in a
twitched around her hands. “And -- I need you to know something.” way that suggested the suppression of laughter.
“Yes?” In Draco’s defence, she, too, struggled, and eventually went at it with her wand and
“I will always come to you when you turn that ring.” repeated detangling charms.
His voice betrayed him; it went slightly husky. Then she helped him pull off his chest-and back-plates, very much like a fair
Granger hadn’t expected the sincerity -- in fact, she looked devastated by it. The maiden helping her knight after a battle, if fair maidens were nonpareil researchers and
smile was gone. Now she looked like she wanted to cry. knights were useless cretins.
She broke his grip and pressed the back of her hand to her mouth. “Sorry, I -- Granger led him to the shower and handed him towels.
just--” There was silence. Then a large sniff. Granger looked at the ceiling. “The mirror doesn’t talk,” said Granger as Draco took in his dishevelled reflection.
Then she turned to him and melted into his arms. “Good,” said Draco. “I don’t want its opinion at this precise moment.”
Oh, he’d wanted this. A distant part of his brain said, fucking finally. There was Granger stepped out of the bathroom, partially closed the door, and stuck her arm
no awkwardness this time; his arms knew exactly what to do. He caught her up and through the gap.
squeezed her and held her against his chest. He heard and felt her shuddering “Pass me your clothes. I’ll chuck them in the wash.”
breaths as she fought away the tears. He muttered some things -- that it was all right Stripping naked, with Granger’s hand right there, was an interesting feeling. There
to cry, that her lab had suffered a violent intrusion and that was distressing and were other things he’d have liked to place in her hand but those bits were smelly and
awful, that shock and fear were utterly normal reactions. unwashed and also, for fuck’s sake, she had just gone through something traumatic.
Could she hear his heart thudding away in his chest? He was still in his What was wrong with him?
Quidditch kit. He probably stank. Why was she so fragile-feeling? Her breath was Next to the sink, he discovered the nesting ground of Granger’s hairpins in the
warm. Her arms were a sweet pressure around his ribs. The feel of her head pressed form of a jar full of the things. He cast a tracking spell on the lot.
against him was unspeakably precious. The feel of her chest, expanding and As he got into the shower, Draco placed his wand within arm’s reach. He was
contracting against arms as she breathed was a thing rare and to be treasured. quite prepared to dash out and attack werewolves naked, should one of the cottage’s
It was pleasure and it was misery, holding Granger in that embrace. It broke wards be tripped.
through whatever fortifications he’d created in the last month with a crystalline The shower was everything that smelled nice about Granger, distilled into
shatter. It made him want to say things, blurt out things, tell her that he’d missed bottles. It took Draco a moment to identify the soap and shampoo amongst the
her and that he wanted to -- to be with her more, whatever that meant. That he was many mysterious feminine products therein -- oils and hair masks and body washes
quashing things because he wanted no part of those things, but they existed still, a and things.
teeming, roiling, unspeakable mess. That these things tormented him in the small It felt -- interesting -- alluring -- erotic -- to use her soap and shampoo.

368 | Draco Malfoy, Notorious Auror Twenty-four | 381

 “What about a cheeky little onion salad?” asked Granger as she rummaged about. hours of the night, when the world was quiet and he was alone with his thoughts.
“Only if it comes with a prolapse like the Skrewt served us.” That he would voice none of it, because he was too afraid of risking the thing they
“That can be arranged.” had right now -- this dance at the tip of a fulcrum, this equilibrium.
Granger set out cheese, crackers and hummus, and a crinkly brown bag of sausage He couldn’t tell her. This was not the time. And besides -- he wouldn’t risk it. It
rolls, which was the closest thing to a prolapse she had on hand (they were delicious). would change things. And he loved whatever this was, right now, more than he
She refrained from recreating the Skrewt’s onion salad, which was for the best, as hated the feeling that it wasn’t enough.
Draco was already wafting whiffs of armpit into the room and didn’t fancy Pleasure and misery. Pleasure and misery. The beats of it alternated with his
competition. pulse, one for joy, two for sorrow, one for joy, two for sorrow.
They finished with a delightful Muggle invention called Maltesers. Granger’s breathing slowed. The tension in her dissipated. She sighed against
Tranquil moments with Granger were few and far between, and when she had him and her arms loosened from around his ribs and her hands were tucked into his
finished eating, she rose, wand-waved most of the things away, and began to bustle chest, and he suffered, and he wanted to fly.
about. “You’re staying the night, then?” Draco would have happily stood there for an aeon, holding her. It was Granger,
“Yes. I won’t sleep much -- but if I do, I can have a kip on your sofa.” bless and damn her, who ended it.
“Right. Let me clear it off.” She hadn’t cried. However, she said, in a tight voice, and without looking at him,
Granger moved to the front room, where she surrounded herself with a vortex of “I need a moment,” and left the kitchen.
books and papers, which settled into neat stacks. Draco heard a tap running. He strode about to clear his head, running
Of course she wouldn't question his suggestion of the sofa. Of course she wasn’t perturbed hands through his hair. He downed the now-lukewarm tisane, wishing it
going to counter-offer with, you know, sharing her bed. Which was absolutely big were fortified by a few drams of whisky. It did spread a pleasant numbing sensation
enough for two. down his throat and to his limbs. Close enough.
Not that Draco would have accepted anyway. He was a professional. He was composed. This was fine.
It had only been A Thought. He would be that much closer to her, should Granger returned. A few drops of water lingered on her face from her visit to the
anything happen. bathroom. Her bun had been remade, higher and tighter.
Setting aside these unproductive musings, Draco began to peel off his Quidditch “Right,” said Granger, resuming her seat with a fresh briskness.
kit, which reminded him that he stank. “Might I use your shower?” She looked as though she had run through her quota of emotions for the day
“Er -- of course. It’s upstairs.” and had no more to give, and besides, things needed to be discussed.
Granger watched him struggle with the knotted leather ties that held his chest-plate She downed half of her tisane, thumped the mug down, then asked, “How did
in place. “Were you in the middle of a game?” those men know about me? Why my lab? I’ve said nothing. I’ve published nothing.
“Yes. Inches from the Snitch, of course.” I am, to all observers, a dreadfully uninteresting academic up my own arse in
“I’m sorry.” abstruse research. So how?”
Draco shrugged like the insouciant hero he was. “Catching baddies is a bit more of “I haven’t got an answer,” said Draco. “What I want to know is who. Who is the
a thrill.” population that Shacklebolt was so worried about? Because that was absolutely
He continued to fight with the awkward tie under his armpit, which resisted him them, at the door.”
devilishly. Of course, the one time he had an audience was the one time he’d got the “It shouldn’t matter,” said Granger. She looked irritated, an excellent indicator
thing soaking wet and then let it dry, which resulted in this stiffened, ghastly mess of a that she was feeling more herself. “They shouldn’t know. How do they know?”
“It doesn’t matter how. They know. Pass me your hand.”

380 | Draco Malfoy, Literal Wanker Twenty-three | 369

 “I promise you I don’t need more Reassurance,” said Granger, keeping her hand presence of an intellect far greater than his own. But now -- now he felt himself in the
away. presence of someone Better than him on too many levels -- too good for him, really.
“Vow of Secrecy,” said Draco. He sat and felt the stirrings of an unfamiliar and strange thing, a quelling thing. So
“But--” unfamiliar was it that it took him a moment to place it.
“I told you that if there was another incident, I’d need to know. And this was It was humility.
more than an incident -- it was a brazen bloody break-in. This isn’t Shacklebolt He hadn’t felt so humbled since -- he reached back into his memories -- since the
overreacting anymore. It’s real.” summer of 1992, when first year exam results had come out and he’d discovered that a
Granger’s gaze was a roiling mixture of worry, anger, powerlessness, and Muggle-born had taken top of the class, above him, in every subject at Hogwarts.
frustration. Draco held out his hand again. Well, she was at it again. Only now she’d grown into someone Fucking Important.
She sighed. “All right. All right. But -- but you must promise to do as Tonks said. And he was her Auror. The weight of the responsibility pressed on him in a way
About minimal disruptions. I won’t be locked up and kept away from my work. he hadn’t yet experienced. She’d gone from an annoying sort of chore to -- to this; to
It’s too important.” changing the world.
“I promise.” The responsibility weighed so heavily on him that he could hardly raise his hand to
“I know you’re going to get all -- all --” accept the fresh mug of opimum that Granger passed him.
“All what?” asked Draco, when she remained stuck at the end of the sentence. “There you are,” said Granger. “A cure for the blithering.”
“I don’t know.” Granger looked anxious. “Carried away. Zealous.” “I should like to take a few doses away with me. There are blitherers I’d like to
“Nonsense. I am the definition of measured. Give me your hand.” administer this to.”
“...You just burned a man alive.” “Who?”
“I didn’t burn him.” Draco gave a vague wave. “Friends, family, colleagues.”
Granger gurgled out a frustrated sound. “Are you so surrounded by idiots?”
“Hand,” said Draco. “Present company excepted.”
With trepidation, Granger extended her hand to him. It was the one with the Granger bit her lip. “You musn’t do that, you know.”
ring on it. He grasped it in his. It was delicate and warm. “Do what?”
Draco pointed his wand to their joined hands and murmured the incantation “Compliment me. You’re meant to be unerringly vigilant about my ego.”
for the Vow. “Tonight, you’ve earned it. You quite floored me. I shall resume my vigilance
Threads of gold emanated from his wand and wound their way around their tomorrow.”
hands in hypnotic spirals. He felt the magic taking hold, a kind of pressure at his Granger looked satisfied. And she looked better in general -- her cheeks had
throat and his palms, promising magical suppression if he should try to convey the regained their colour and her hands weren’t shaking as she moved to the pantry. “I
incoming secret to the world. He locked eyes with Granger: it was time. haven’t had anything since breakfast -- I suppose I ought to get something into my
She took a breath. And, to Draco’s surprise, amid the worry in her gaze, he saw a system other than two doses of opimum. Are you hungry?”
quiet, steady trust. “Yes,” said Draco, who generally found Quidditch and mortal duels to be
“Are you ready?” asked Granger. excellent appetite stimulants.
“Yes.” He was pleased to note that the cupboards were chock-a-block with foodstuffs --
Granger took a breath. “I’m going to cure lycanthropy.” though whether it was through Granger’s own efforts or lingering effects of the elves’
overzealousness, he wasn’t sure.

370 | Draco Malfoy, Notorious Auror Twenty-four | 379

 “How, pray, is ‘immunotherapy’ meant to restore a soul?”
Granger waved her hand in a swotty gesture of dismissal. “There is no soul-
sucking. That’s typical wizarding embellishment. It’s brain death. The Dementor’s
Kiss transfers an aggressive necrotising bacteria to the victim. It attacks the brain as well

24
as the body. Highly virulent.”
“...Seriously?”
“Yes,” said Granger. “You ought to read Rasmussen and Vestergaard.”
In the face of Draco’s blank stare, she added, “The Danish Necrologists? No? I
suppose you don’t keep up with medical journals. They’ve made impressive inroads
in the study of Dementors in the last decade. The condition is a magical disease, like
lycanthropy and vampirism. It causes putrefaction within minutes and irreversible loss Draco Malfoy,
of brain function within hours. Anyway -- we’ve begun high-throughput small
molecule screening at the lab and seen good preliminary results. It’s potentially
Literal Wanker
curable, if the victim is brought in quickly.”

G
Draco stared at her.
ranger had, as she always did, enunciated perfectly clearly. And yet,
Granger shifted in her seat. “But -- again, this is medicine at its most experimental.
Draco found himself processing her sentence with difficulty.
We are on the fringes of the map -- proper here there be monsters territory, you
And she hadn’t finished. “Lycanthropy to begin, that’s where the
know.”
results have been the most promising. But, eventually, vampirism
This witch was blowing Draco’s fucking mind. “What you’re doing -- if you
too. And I may be able to reverse the Dementor’s Kiss, on recent victims.”
succeed -- it’ll be -- it’ll be an absolute tour de force. Utterly revolutionary.”
Draco felt his mouth hanging open. He closed it.
“Mm. I will accept that term for this, more than the Jotters.”
Granger was eyeing him apprehensively. “So -- so not quite a Panacea.”
“Right. Have you quite finished with these revelations? I’m not sure I can take
“Holy fuck, Granger.”
another.”
“Quite,” said Granger.
“Have I shocked you so terribly?” asked Granger with a half-smile.
“Explain.”
“I’ve been reduced to a goggle-eyed, blithering cretin, and don’t pretend you
Granger looked too tired to take on her usual professorial air. She took a breath
haven’t noticed.”
and appeared to be gathering her thoughts. “These diseases have been the bête noire
“Nothing beyond the usual blithering, no.”
of Healers for centuries and centuries. Incurable. Often deadly. Muggle medicine
“How can you be so cruel to me in my fragile state?” has made incredible advancements in targeted therapies for their own ‘incurable’
Granger’s half-smile grew to a full one. “I’ll make us another dose of opimum.” diseases in recent decades. They’ve developed something called immunotherapy --
“Merlin,” muttered Draco, resuming his seat. He did more goggle-eyed staring at using a patient’s own immune system to fight specific conditions. I presented on it
Granger’s back. This witch was something else. at Oxford, do you remember? Well, to oversimplify terribly, I’m applying that
Draco generally thought himself Better than those around him -- not that there concept to magical maladies. My treatment will mimic the action of antibodies,
was anything wrong with them, but he was just Better, you know -- cleverer, quicker, targeting specific magical diseases.”
handsomer, sharper, richer. With Granger, he had always felt that he was in the

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 Granger glanced at the threads of gold still emanating from Draco’s wand, “Tonight is all right. I don’t think they’ll try anything else. Afterwards? No.
checking that it was still safe to disclose details. “Essentially, I’ll help the patient’s Someone’s already sniffed around your wards here once. It was probably them.
immune system mount its own response to infected cells. It will be a long course of They must’ve decided that your lab was a worthier target. Not that they’ll find
treatment -- two or three years of infusions, every fortnight -- but, eventually, the anything there, thanks to your clouds and things. The only real thing of value there
patient’s body will learn to combat the disease. And hopefully eradicate it at any given point is -- you. Tonight was your last night there by yourself. And
completely. One day, there will be lycanthropy patients in remission. No more you’re going to have to curtail your movements in public.”
Wolfsbane. No more transformations.” “But I have so many things to do,” said Granger, pressing her fingers to her
Draco sat back and tried to keep his eyes in his head. Granger was curing a cheeks in a kind of despair. “What about Mabon?”
condition that had plagued the wizarding world for centuries upon centuries. She “I’m coming with you.”
was brilliant. She was outstanding. She was an absolute legend. She was in the lofty “And teaching? And A&E? And -- everything else?”
company of Merlin and Cerridwen and Circe. She ought to be on a Chocolate Frog Draco attempted to be as measured as he promised he was and not categorically
Card. tell her that she would never be alone again.
“You ought to be on a Chocolate Frog Card,” said Draco, as that was the least “Until we catch Greyback and whoever is working with him, you can expect an
ridiculously effusive of his thoughts. Auror with you everywhere. I agree that your work has got to go on--” Granger
“I’m already on a Chocolate Frog Card,” said Granger. looked relieved as Draco spoke those words “--but Greyback is ruthless. He’ll have
“Right.” Draco stared at her. “So what’s all the gallivanting been about, then?” an entire network of his old pack here and he’ll whip them into a frenzy. He’d
Granger studied him as though deciding to what degree she needed to sooner die than see you cure lycanthropy. He probably shat himself when he found
oversimplify. “The treatment targets diseased cells and disrupts their functions so out what the great Granger was working on -- gods, I would’ve loved to have seen
they starve off or die. But it needs a serum, of sorts, to deliver it to the cells and bind his reaction...”
them. Sanitatem was a perfect base for that serum. It would also help protect “How did he find out -- that’s what I want to know. You don’t think --
patients from some difficult side effects -- the treatment is particularly hard on Shacklebolt?”
endocrine systems and it can also trigger cytokine storms. But standard Santitatem Draco shook his head. “No. Why would he have insisted on Auror protection so
wasn’t powerful enough by itself. There’s a kind of -- a kind of proto-Sanitatem that early on? And you bound him with a Vow of Secrecy, too.”
I’ve been struggling to recreate for the past year. The same ingredient classes, only a “Unless one of my students--? But they’re working on pieces of about twelve
thousand times more magically potent. The Green Well’s water at Imbolc instead of projects for me. They don’t know the bigger picture. It can’t have been.”
holy water. An Elder Dragon’s blood harvested at Ostara, instead of regular dragon “Leaks happen. We’ll try to work out how and where -- but my immediate
blood. An ossified saintly relic taken at the Solstice, instead of mere human bone...” concern is how we keep you safe and able to keep working.”
Granger shifted their still-joined hands so they rested on the table; her arm “Should I be worried about the vampires?” asked Granger.
must’ve been tiring. Which meant that they were now holding hands across a table. “Blood hell,” said Draco running a hand down his face. “I don’t know. They’ve
Which was fine and meant nothing at all. never been as expansionist as the werewolves. More interested in feeding than
Draco turned his concentration back to the magically demanding Vow and Turning. But if they got wind of a cure? I don’t know how they’d react. And you
Granger’s intellectually demanding words. said -- Dementors?!”
“The original text with the proto-Sanitatem formula has been lost to the ages, Granger bit her lip. “Yes. Maybe. If the victim is brought in quickly enough.”
but references to it exist here and there. Revelations contained the most fragments. “Come off it.”
But they were horridly vague -- it was written by a Herbologist-cum-philosopher “I’m serious.”

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 Granger looked grim. “That’s three months’ worth of organising, for Greyback. who was recording what seems to be a third-hand version from somewhere, and her
You see why I can’t postpone things -- I can’t leave off and hide until he’s caught. He focus is unerringly on the flora and fungi of the sacred sites, with little other
could do so much damage...” description to help me pinpoint them. Hence my wild goose chases across the
“I understand,” said Draco. country. My Mabon holiday will consist of visiting dolmen that have recorded
Now he, too, wanted to sigh and drop his head into his hands, because it colonies of Agaricus aureum and Agaricus silvaticus, because that's what intrigued
would’ve been so much simpler to whisk Granger away until Fenrir and his acolytes her the most, bless her.”
had been arrested. But Granger was right; postponing her project until Greyback Granger finished her now-cold tisane. “The light is at the end of the tunnel, with
was caught could mean potentially dozens of full moons. The man had evaded only Mabon and Samhain left. When I’ve synthesised the first doses of the
capture for 15 years. treatment, I'll be ready to move to manufacture. That was where Larsen and his lab
“We’re going to have to tell Potter,” said Draco. “And Tonks.” came in. He produces immunotherapy drugs and has an excellent understanding of
“Agreed,” said Granger, growing even more serious. “I worry a bit about Tonks. the biomechanisms of diseases, and he has the facilities for mass- production. But
This is going to hit rather close to home, for her.” he’s dropped entirely off the map. I’d have to look into another collaborator with --
“Because of Lupin?” you know -- the veritable heaps of spare time I have. I believe I could attempt
“Yes. Lycanthropes bear a disproportionate risk of premature mortality and he’s smaller scale syntheses in my own laboratory -- perhaps enough for clinical trials...”
been -- unwell. But I don’t want to give her false hopes that I can help her husband. Granger trailed off, watching the swirl of the golden threads of the Vow between
Clinical trials are trials for a reason, you know. Failure is par for the course. My data their hands. “I think -- I think that’s the most of it,” she said, her hand twitching
suggests success, but this is a new therapy -- no one has ever combined against Draco’s.
immunotherapy with magical methods or used it to treat a magical disease. This is “Right,” said Draco. He stared at Granger in a kind of daze for a moment, then
utterly uncharted territory, clinically speaking.” said, “Secretum finitur.”
“If anyone can do it, it’s you. There hasn’t been a witch or wizard alive with your A final ribbon of golden light emanated from his wand, wrapped around their
combination of magical and Muggle knowledge. You’re -- you’re--” Draco cut hands, then travelled up Draco’s arm and across his lips before disappearing. His
himself off and turned to stare out of the dark window. “Bloody hell. I can’t believe tongue felt heavy and there was a new feeling of restriction in his hands. It would
I’ll live to see lycanthropy cured in my lifetime.” fade in a few hours, but it was a physical reminder that he was now spell-bound.
If he hadn’t already been nursing a Something for Granger, Draco would’ve He let out a heavy breath and put down his wand.
begun a whole-hearted intellectual crush on her, in that moment. “You must be properly exhausted,” said Granger, eyeing him. “That spell is
But back to more pressing matters. challenging to sustain at length.”
“When Greyback’s men don’t come back tonight, he’ll know they were caught,” “A real bugger.”
said Draco. “A laboratory break-in shouldn’t have resulted in all three of them being “Replenishing potion?”
apprehended -- not unless the laboratory was exceptionally well-protected. And “All right,” said Draco, setting bravado aside. It seemed wiser not to be magically
why would it be exceptionally well-protected, if not to hide something exceptional? fatigued when Granger had been an active target today.
Greyback is probably going to read this as a confirmation that you are doing what She floated a vial into his hands from a repository of bottles tucked against the
he thinks you’re doing. Things are going to get dangerous. His primary objective splashback. Draco drank the bitter mixture in a single swallow.
will be killing you.” Now that the first shock of discovering the true nature of Granger’s research
Granger pressed her lips together into an unhappy line. “I suppose I really can’t enterprise was wearing off, he could turn to more pressing concerns.
stay here?”

376 | Draco Malfoy, Literal Wanker Twenty-four | 373

 He understood, now, something of Shacklebolt’s mingled delight and panic -- doing. Now they know, and Greyback is back? Shacklebolt will be frenetic. He’ll
and, at the time, there hadn’t even been a werewolf resurgence in the works. want ridiculous protection measures -- he’ll want to lock me away.”
All of a sudden, Draco placed the rasping voice he’d heard in the intruder’s Her voice had gone tight and anxious. Her next glance towards Draco spoke of a
memory. He hadn’t heard it in 15 years. long-held fear that he, too, would push to lock her up. He understood, now, her
“Shit,” he said, sitting back and running a hand through his hair. “I know who reticence to tell him anything. Because urges stemmed from this new knowledge of
gave those men their instructions. It was fucking Fenrir.” what she was doing -- urges to force her into hiding, and yes, to lock her up. To
Granger blanched. “Greyback?!” sequester her away, miles from here, continents from here, and make sure that
“Yes.” Greyback would never have an opportunity to harm her.
“No! No -- it can’t’ve been. He’s been dead for a decade.” Keeping her safe had always been the point, but the vital importance of it now
“Presumed dead. There have been the occasional reports of sightings... pressed upon him like an ache, like a fear. It was sickening.
Argentina, Bolivia, Peru... All unsubstantiated. But that’s absolutely who it was, The three men at her laboratory had been a mere preview of what was to come.
today, in that wizard’s memory. Shit. And there’s more fuckery about -- there’s been And even then, it had been a near thing -- what if they’d managed to break the
an increase in werewolf attacks across the UK. The DMLE’s had us keep it quiet wards, thinking that the laboratory would be empty at the midnight hour, and
while we investigate.” encountered Granger therein? With that arsehole using the killing curse at will, and
“There’s been a what?!” said Granger, jumping forwards in her seat so suddenly her, boxed into that small office, with nowhere to go? She would’ve been dead in a
that their knees knocked. “How long has this been going on?” moment.
“When was the harvest moon? A week ago? And then there was that rash of Yes. Draco also wanted to lock her away.
infections in infants in the Lake District a few months ago, but we caught the She must’ve seen a glint of it in his eye, because she sat up, and the anxiety was
individual responsible. At least, we thought we had.” replaced by sudden fire. “Locking me away isn’t an option. I must finish my work.
Granger’s hands were pressed anxiously to her mouth. “Are you thinking that You promised minimal disruptions.”
Greyback has returned, and has somehow heard of my project, and is deliberately “I know what I said. But your safety comes first. I didn’t know it was fucking
infecting more people as -- as a kind of countermeasure? Revenge? Warning?” Greyback.”
Draco rose and began to pace. “He’s always taken a sick pleasure in spreading his “If Greyback’s objective is countering my cure with infections, we need to
disease to as many innocents as possible. If that wolfy old wankstain suspects that counter that with the treatment. I must continue uninterrupted. I refuse to
you’re working on a bona fide cure for lycanthropy, and he’s back on English soil, prioritise my safety to the detriment of potentially thousands of innocents. I
we have real cause for concern.” refuse.”
By which he meant that he was genuinely fucking worried about Granger’s “If you die, they’re fucked anyway.”
continued well-being. Granger was pale. “Does Shacklebolt know about the Even Granger had to concede this point, which she did with a sigh, dropping her
attacks?” head into her hands.
“It’s Potter’s file, but I think not. Robards -- he leads the DMLE -- wanted to see “How much longer will it take to finish developing your treatment?” asked
if it was another one-off, like the baby-biter in the Lake District. Shack’s going to Draco.
throw a wobbly.” “If everything goes according to my predictive models, I should be ready to
Granger groaned and pressed her fingers into her forehead. “He is. He was begin clinical trials by December.”
already over-worried about my safety when the treatment was hypothetical and the “That’s three more bloody full moons,” said Draco.
werewolves were a disorganised, nonexistent threat, who hadn’t a clue what I was

374 | Draco Malfoy, Literal Wanker Twenty-four | 375

 “Show us the scar, mate,” said Flint. Draco watched the two of them walk ahead of him -- Henriette’s small form and
Draco, hero that he was, condescended to do so. He undid his bow tie and opened Granger’s slender figure, bent attentively towards the elf as she spoke. Henriette
his collar, and there was a gratifying chorus of “Oooh!” at the sight. pointed to Monsieur’s study on her left and indicated in a whisper that Monsieur
“Could the good Professor explain what we’re looking at?” asked Zabini, should be left alone when he was in there, as he was often grumpy about pestilential
observing Draco’s neck. levels of incompetence and other things of that nature. Granger nodded gravely, then
Granger, who had been half-watching over her shoulder, straightened, and got shot an amused look back at Draco when Henriette proceeded again.
Professory. She stood next to Draco (her heels put her face at a very interesting distance The doors to the library were gestured to, then Henriette moved on to the
to his, by the way), and began. “Of course. This is developing into a lovely example of conservatory. Granger lingered at the closed library doors for a moment before
scar contracture. You see here along the sides, the pulling together of the tissues? That’s hurrying to catch up, and it was Draco’s turn to be amused.
a typical presentation -- the edges of the wound contract around the damaged skin The accompanying swell of fondness was quashed before it could make him smile.
and it draws nearby tissues inwards. Malfoy is lucky -- this one is small and won’t affect By the time Granger had been settled and oriented, and Draco and the elves had
his mobility, bigger ones come with those sorts of challenges...” revisited the Manor’s extensive wards for his own peace of mind, it was early evening.
The rest was lost on Draco, who was presently enjoying some interstellar travel If Draco had hopes of a quiet dinner for two that night, they were obliterated by
because Granger’s fingers kept brushing at his neck. Granger. She had a shift at A&E that she positively refused to miss, as she was the only
Theo shook his head at Draco. “You absolute maniac. You’re lucky to be alive, Healer on duty and her backup was suffering from Spattergroit.
much less poncing about, drinking all of my best booze.” Today had felt like a long day, but, as Draco waited for Granger at the foot of the
Longbottom queried Granger on the characteristics of the venom, Patil on the grand staircase, it also felt like it was just beginning. He supposed that he ought to get
treatment, Zabini on where one might obtain Nundu venom, for purposes that he used to long bloody days. This was, after all, Granger.
couldn’t disclose. She trotted down the stairs, her freshly donned Healer robes fluttering behind her.
Granger’s lecture ended and there was general mingling and drink-refilling and “I’m ready. I suppose I needn’t ask if you faint at the sight of blood. Are you all right
eating. with eviscerations?”
Draco did not bother to do his tie back up. An untied bow tie, a scar, and an open “Yes,” said Draco.
collar gave one a devil-may-care sort of look that he thought quite suited him. “Good. One never knows what one is going to walk into at St. Mungo’s.”
A gathering was beginning to form at the far end of the salon. Draco sauntered Draco cast his most powerful Notice-Me-Not and Disillusion on himself to
over, scotch in hand (Flint had either bullied or seduced Theo into opening a bottle of forestall questions about why an Auror was following Healer Granger about.
Laphroaig 25), to see what the fuss was about. They Flooed to St. Mungo’s for what was to be the first of many shifts at Granger’s
There was an ornate gilded frame on the wall. And within the frame? The splatter side at A&E.
of wine from Draco’s frothy whingefest a month ago. Theo had added a small Draco performed Legilimency on every mind in the waiting room to satisfy
inscription beside the frame: himself that no one had fiendish plans, other than bleeding to death.
When that was done, he settled into a corner outside the operating theatre, and
“The Turbulence of the Soul” 21st century proceeded to be moderately disturbed by the evening’s entertainment, which included
Mixed media unpronounceable diseases, a wizard who presented with a Muggle traffic cone
Artist unknown protruding straight through his chest, and a truly inspiring amount of patients who
had ‘fallen’ onto vaguely phallic objects, which were now stuck in various orifices.
Theo looked upon it fondly. “Do you like it?”

428 | Theo’s Party Twenty-Five | 393

 Draco cast silencing charms to muffle his alternating gasps of horror and laughter. There was a stir as everyone rose, variously gathered up their skirts or drinks, and
Nothing rattled Granger, however. She dealt with his idiotic countrymen with a came to stand around Theo and Draco in a circle. Granger was nudged forwards by
relentless professionalism that he couldn’t help but admire. Longbottom on one side and Patil on the other.
Incidentally, Longbottom’s hair was now a disaster, and Draco almost
reconsidered his wishes for the twirl of feminine fingers.
If Draco had nursed any thoughts of a long and leisurely breakfast with Granger the “As you know,” said Theo, looking solemn, “our Draco is afflicted by a chronic
next day, they, too, were doomed from the beginning. By the time he got downstairs form of stupidity--”
at the (very respectable, he thought) hour of nine o’clock, Granger had done her yoga There were grave mutters of “Tragic,” “Heartbreaking,” and “Poor wretch.”
thing, showered, dressed, and eaten. “--A chronic form of stupidity for which there is no known cure. His most recent
He arrived just in time to see her off in the Floo parlour. She was to spend the day relapse involved a spot of mano a mano combat with a Nundu, followed by a casual
at the lab, where Weasley was on Granger-duty. Draco was scheduled to wring out the jaunt straight into a jet of its venom.”
minds of No-Hands (now simply Hands) and Friend. Everyone shook their heads at the poignant tale. Draco contemplated Theo’s
Draco heard a muffled buzz emanate from Granger’s vicinity. It was her Jotter. murder.
She ignored it in favour of twisting her hands together in that anxious gesture of “Enter Hermione Granger,” said Theo, holding his glass towards the witch in
hers. “I doubt that Greyback will be stupid enough to send anyone to the lab again so question, who looked a pretty combination of flustered and pleased. “Saviour of
soon,” she said, sounding as though she was reassuring herself more than speaking to idiots and champion of morons since, I believe, age eleven (that’s when you met
Draco. “The wards held beautifully last time. I needn’t be worried.” Potter, right?). Thanks to her quick thinking and knowledge and, er -- rather
There was another muffled buzz from her Jotter. complicated Muggle sciencey things that I shan’t attempt to explain, not because I
“It’ll be perfectly fine,” said Draco. “They’d never be stupid enough to attempt don’t understand them, but because you lot won’t -- Draco is still with us, free to
something in broad daylight. And Weasley will be with you. And you’ve got the ring. continue being recklessly stupid for the remainder of his life (however short; not too
Don’t even wait to be sure there’s a threat to use it -- just use it.” short, we hope). And so I propose a toast -- to the triumph of modern medicine, to
“Right.” old enemies and new friends, to Draco Malfoy for being alive, and to Hermione
“No hesitations. I’d rather pop in ready to fight the postie than be too late.” Granger for saving his life.”
“Yes. Of course. Thank you.” There was a resounding, laugh-filled, “Cheers!”
Again, Granger’s Jotter buzzed. Draco found himself being jostled and slapped on the shoulder and punched in
Irritated, Draco asked, “Who’s bloody Jotting you at this hour?” the ribs, and some oaf from the deepest circles of cretinhood mussed his hair.
Granger hesitated before pulling out the Jotter to look at it. “Er -- everyone.” Meanwhile, Granger was surrounded by a delicate crowd of people gently tapping
“Why?” their glasses to hers.
“Nothing important,” said Granger, who clearly never learned that the more she “And when you’ve discovered a cure for stupidity, do let us know,” said Pansy.
dismissed a thing, the more Draco wanted to know about the thing. “I will,” grinned Granger.
“Tell me.” “Tell us, what do you think of Draco, now that you’ve got to know him a bit?”
Granger looked an interesting mixture of annoyed and sheepish. “It’s my asked Theo. “Was he a good patient?”
birthday.” “He does grow on you,” said Granger, with a latent kind of affection, as though
“Ah,” said Draco. Draco was a sort of parasite that had taken up residence on her person and begun to
endear itself to her.

394 | Nearness of Granger, Perils of Twenty-Seven | 427

 “What?” said Draco. “Sorry -- couldn’t hear you over the sound of the -- ice. In my There was a longish silence.
glass.” “Er -- happy birthday, I suppose,” said Draco.
“Bollocks,” said Flint with a smirk. He inclined his head towards Granger. “You're Really? That was the best he could manage? Why was it that his suaveness utterly
distracted.” vacated his body when it was most needed? What was it about Granger? She was a
Draco flicked a V at him and sipped his drink. murderer of suave.
“Don’t get shirty with me,” said Flint. “I’m not the one who went all daft and “Thank you,” said Granger. “But we’ve got bigger things to worry about than
dewy-eyed in the middle of a conversation.” birthdays, haven’t we?”
“Me? Dewy-eyed? Absolute rot. I’m just -- preoccupied.” “Quite.”
“Give your head a wobble and give her a proper hello, then, Mr. Preoccupied.” Granger threw Floo powder into the fire. “I’ll turn the ring at the slightest
“Fuck off.” Draco rose and strode to the bar. “I need a refill.” provocation, I promise. Cambridge.”
After opening greetings and chit-chat, Granger, Longbottom and Patil formed a And then she was gone, and Draco was left to mull over the timeless brilliance of
small group and got to talking about -- plants. A thrill. Pansy perched herself upon the Er -- happy birthday, I suppose and suffer all by himself.
arm of Longbottom’s chair and looked on with an affectionate sort of ennui, twirling Before he Flooed into the office, Draco asked Henriette to help him stage a
a finger in her husband’s hair. recovery effort that evening, if Granger was back on the premises at a decent hour.
Draco wanted someone to twirl his hair, but her hands were occupied with a She’d have a stupid bloody birthday cake, even if she was trapped in the Manor
spirited description of some sort of fungus. with a blundering fool.
He listened with one ear as Davies asked his immediate audience if they had seen Draco spent his day conducting Legilimency on the two apprehended wizards,
the Cannons get battered by Puddlemere on Thursday? having received special permission to do so from the powers that be. The only
“No Quidditch talk,” called Pansy across the room. “It stifles me.” Granger looked memory of any real worth was the one he had found the night of the break-in. He
amused. spent long hours in Friend’s brain in particular, combing through weeks and months’
“You just keep fingering your husband,” retorted Flint with a brusque wave. “We’ll worth of memories. Greyback had been careful. A few bits of information about
keep it to a whisper.” potential meeting locations for Greyback’s werewolves were all that Draco gleaned. He
Always the height of class, was Flint. passed them to Potter.
Pansy smirked and began a more vigorous massage of Longbottom’s head, who, That evening, his brain feeling more like a queasy, gurgling mix of porridge than
for his part, had gone rather red. actual brain, Draco left for home.
Pipsy the house-elf served hors d’oeuvres and refilled everyone’s drinks. Flint and Draco and Granger seemed to be developing a speciality for collisions when using
Zabini got to arm-wrestling over something (Flint won). Davies shared a few Ministry magical means of transport. Granger Flooed back to the Manor from Cambridge at
scandals, including a new one about what really went on in the Love Room at the almost the same time as he did from London. His only warning was a witch-shaped
Department of Mysteries. Theo flirted outrageously with anyone unmarried blur coming at him amongst the hearths he was hurtling past, and the blur was
including Granger, Patil, Flint and Zabini. (He had long ago determined that Draco whipped into him (with a shriek that confirmed that it was Granger), and they were
was a lost cause, but nevertheless made the occasional sporting overture.) both spat out onto the ashy flagstones of the Manor’s Floo parlour.
When there was a lull in the conversation, Theo rose and tapped his glass. There was a tangle of green robes amongst black robes and much coughing up of
“I would like to propose a toast,” he said, catching Draco’s eye with a naughty grin. soot.

426 | Theo’s Party Twenty-Five | 395

 A shrill giggle echoed through the Floo parlour. By the time Draco’s head had Flint waved Draco towards him. “What are you drinking?”
escaped Granger’s skirts, Tupey had disappeared and the little voyeur could not be “A G&T, and make it stiff.”
immediately reprimanded. The house-elf behind the bar squeaked, “Yes, sir!”
Draco dropped back down with a groan. The beginnings of a colossal Legilimency “Give him Theo’s best stuff,” said Flint, clapping Draco on the shoulder. “We are
headache tingled at the back of his skull. celebrating Draco’s survival tonight.”
Granger appeared to have accepted the recurring issue of their collisions Theo strode over and attempted to elbow Flint out of the way, with limited
philosophically and directed no venom towards Draco. success. “Pipsy, do not let this man berate, persuade, or otherwise impel you to open
Instead, she said, “Right,” and attempted to rise. the vault.”
She trod on her robe and fell over again. “Of course not, sir,” said the elf, with a distrustful look at Flint.
“You properly Tonksed that one,” said Draco. “He took abominable liberties with my collection, last time,” said Theo to Draco.
Granger made an exasperated sound and lay on the floor next to Draco, who had “Horrible man.”
already given up. They looked at each other. Granger sighed. Draco tasted smoke. Flint, unabashed, took his drink and blew Theo a kiss before joining Davies. Pipsy
She looked exhausted. He hadn’t even had a moment to ask her how she’d slept the house-elf presented Draco with his G&T -- very stiff. He approved.
during her first night at the Manor -- her fault for getting up so bloody early. “Any idea when we might expect your guardian angel?” asked Theo, glancing
“Anything from the Legilimency?” asked Granger. towards the alcove outside the salon, where the Floo hearth flickered. “She did say she
“Only minor findings. Potential meeting places. Gave them to Potter.” was coming.”
“Damn it.” “I haven’t a clue,” shrugged Draco.
“No trouble at the lab?” They joined the others at the sofas. Draco kept up a passable stream of
“No. And only one quarrel with Ron.” conversation, but his attention kept drifting to the Floo.
“About what?” He was nervous. Why was he nervous?
“He wanted to wee in a bottle instead of leaving me by myself for five minutes Finally, the flames turned green, and Granger’s form spun into existence within,
while he went to the toilet.” and she was deposited upon the hearth stones.
Draco snorted. “Dedicated sort of bloke.” “Ah!” said Theo, who had apparently been watching the fire with equal attention.
“He’s always been a bit full-on.” “Our guest of honour!”
“I can admire that.” He leapt to his feet to usher Granger into the salon. She was besieged by
“Should we get up?” Longbottom (hugs), Padma (more hugs), Pansy (cheek kiss), and Zabini (firm
“No,” said Draco, pressing the back of his head into the cool stone. “I quite fancy handshake).
lying here until death takes me.” Draco, being the cool and self-possessed sort, whose heart rate had certainly not
Granger reacted more casually than he would have liked in the face of this dramatic accelerated, merely raised his glass to her from the sofa. She gave him a small smile.
pronouncement. “Mm? What’s the matter?” Draco turned his gaze back to Flint without hearing anything that the man was
“Headache.” saying, because oh no, Granger was wearing a black gown, and it was low in the back,
“Went too hard on the Legilimency, did we?” and there was a slit in it up to her thigh, and her hair was swept to the side and showed
“I wanted answers.” off that part of her neck that looked the most delicious, and Flint had just asked him a
question and he had no idea what was going on.
“I can help you with the headache. Bath first -- I've had a sweaty sort of day.”
She had a rose in her hair.

396 | Nearness of Granger, Perils of Twenty-Seven | 425

ended up being a good idea, as Henriette got wind of the party and cloistered herself “Henriette can Apparate us to our chambers.”
with Granger all afternoon and into the evening. “Our chambers,” repeated Granger in an exaggerated drawl. It seemed to give her
By the time Draco was ready to leave, neither the witch nor the elf had emerged the courage she needed to push herself up. “I shall make my way to mine under my
from the guest suite. There was only Tupey to see Draco off in all of his black-tied own power.”
resplendence. “Go forth and conquer,” said Draco. And she did.
Draco Flooed to Nott House at half seven. As he shook off the soot, Theo Dinner was a quiet affair. It began at the formal dining table, then Granger asked
appeared to greet his esteemed guest. “Thank you for coming, Draco. I know it’s not Henriette if she would mind terribly if they dined in one of the salons, which offered
something you’ve been doing very much of.” more scope for stretching out their tired carcasses on sofas.
Draco and Theo entered the salon, where the small group of guests was already Henriette was delighted to accommodate. She soon had them set up cosily in the
deep in conversation. Draco did a spot of unobtrusive Legilimency as he greeted them. smallest salon at the back of the house, around a low table piled with foodstuffs.
No one had any naughty intentions, except for Longbottom and Pansy, who (Draco did notice the addition of a single red rose in a small vase, but given that there
intended to find a secluded bathroom for a quick shag. was only one, he decided that it was purely decorative.)
“Gods,” muttered Draco, instead of “Hello.” Granger dragged a mixed pile of Muggle and wizarding books out of somewhere
“Sorry?” said Longbottom. and took advantage of the moment to brief Draco on their autumnal equinox plans,
Pansy raised an eyebrow. “Nothing. How are you?” given that Mabon was only two nights away. She had narrowed her search down to
After brief small talk, Draco moved to Davies and his wife, Audrielle. Davies was twelve potential sacred sites. Their objective was to identify the dolmen written about
thinking about where to hide his newest broom from his wife; his wife was missing in Revelations.
the baby they had left all of twenty minutes ago and wondering how early they could “We are getting so close to completing this,” said Granger, who seemed to take
politely escape to home. fresh vigour from the thought. “Quite exciting, really.”
Zabini, in excellent fettle, had his mind upon a brainy brunette. However, before “We? Piffle. It’s all you.”
Draco could disembowel the man where he sat, he noticed Zabini’s plus-one: Padma Granger looked up. “Yes, we. You’ve been with me on this since the beginning.
Patil, radiant in a turquoise gown. Don’t be modest -- it doesn’t suit you.”
Zabini gave Draco one of his insufferable smirks. “All right. I’ll take whatever reflected glory comes my way,” said Draco with a
Patil’s surface-level thoughts were of Zabini -- mostly that he was a bit twattish, but languid wave of his hand.
she would endure him because he was also funny and decent in bed. He slid into his sofa until he was lying down and draped his arm over his eyes to
“You’re too good for Zabini,” said Draco to Patil. block the light that made his head ache. He wanted to go to bed, but it was only eight
“Oh -- I know,” said Patil with a wide smile. o’clock. Granger’s hours were rubbing off on him and she'd only been there a day.
Zabini laughed. Granger observed him. “Right. Your headache. Let's have a look. Why didn’t you
Flint was at the bar. His thoughts were bent on cajoling the house-elves into say something, instead of letting me cram more into your brain for half an hour?”
bringing out Theo’s most prized bottles. When Draco didn’t answer (machismo seemed a weak response), Granger pulled
That completed Draco’s survey of the guests. He was satisfied that Granger could out her wand and moved from her sofa to his. He budged up enough to give her
join the gathering safely and sent her a Jot to that effect. room to perch herself beside him. She cast a diagnostic spell, studied the resulting
Granger’s answer came a moment later: There in 10. Henriette is a bully. pictorial, and tutted.
Draco began to find himself buzzing with anticipation, half nervous (why?!), half “That’s going to develop into a great bloody migraine,” she said. “I’ll attempt
pleasant. Solamentum. It’s delicate. Lie still.”

424 | Theo’s Party Twenty-Five | 397

 Draco closed his eyes. He felt the tip of her wand against his temple. The sensation Pansy + Longbott
would normally initiate a stress response. He wasn’t sure when he had begun to trust
Granger this implicitly, but he didn’t even crack open an eye. Blaise
She whispered an incantation and a gentle soothing began to pour into his
overwrought brain.
Davies + wife
“Glorious,” muttered Draco. Luella (abroad) Flint
“Shh. I’ve got to concentrate.”
“Mm.” Draco I suppose
“Hush.” Draco tossed the note and napkin to Granger, who read Theo’s illegible missive
“Mmm.” with her eyebrows raised. “Goodness. We’d almost have to send this to Bletchley Park
“Can you stop moaning for a bloody minute?” to have it deciphered. Does your correspondence with your friends typically involve
“Not when it feels this nice -- mff.” death threats?”
The warmth of Granger’s fingertip pressed against his lips. “Yes, and we attempt murders once or twice a year; it’s a kind of tradition.”
His eyes flew open in surprise. Above him, Granger was frowning in Granger nodded as though this was entirely unsurprising and turned to examine
concentration, and she flashed him a warning look. He closed his eyes again. the guest list. “Any dodgy histories here?”
Now his other senses grew more sensitive. Against his side he could feel the push of “Only the last one.”
Granger’s thigh and the curve of her bum. Upon his temple, the coolness of the spell. “Mm. I know all about him. What about secret werewolves, any of those?”
She smelled of something antiseptic, which shouldn’t have been as terribly enticing as “I bloody well hope not. I’d go first and have a poke about their heads, if you
it was, but he wanted to bury his face into her and inhale. decided to go.”
He wondered what would happen if he were to flick his tongue against the finger “You’d let me go?” asked Granger.
that was pressed upon his lips. “I’m not your gaoler,” said Draco. “Nott House is quite as well protected as the
Perhaps something betrayed his thought. Granger removed her finger from his lips Manor. And I’d be with you the entire time.”
and pressed it under his chin instead, tilting his head towards her. And also, Theo had promised dancing and snuggling.
She moved her wand to his other temple and he heard the whisper of the And there it was: a textbook example of why Somethings between Aurors and
incantation again, “Solamentum.” Principals were prohibited. His entire security analysis had been predicated on the
The healing spell irradiated the cramping heaviness away. potential for fucking snuggling. Draco opened his mouth to say that, on second
“How is that?” asked Granger. thoughts, Granger probably oughtn’t go, but Granger was now tapping at her lip.
Draco did that thing he’d grown to like doing, of giving her answers that actually “Black tie. I’ll have a think about a dress.” Draco closed his mouth.
referred to her.
“Gorgeous,” said Draco.
“Isn’t it?” Draco and Granger arranged to Floo to Nott House separately, to keep up the
“Heavenly.” pretence that they were each in their own homes. Draco was to go first to scope the
“Good.” place out and confirm that there were no rogue werewolves on the premises. This
“Sublime.”

398 | Nearness of Granger, Perils of Twenty-Seven | 423

 Dear Healer/Professor/Doctor Granger, “Now you’re just trying to provoke me.”
“No. It’s true.”
I understand that you are to be thanked/blamed (?) for our dear Draco’s Granger looked to the ceiling in a gesture of mild exasperation and rose. She
continued presence on this earth. A few friends of Draco’s and I would relish the resumed her seat on the sofa across from Draco, which left him with a distinct feeling
of Lack at his side.
opportunity to celebrate your medical tour de force in person. (I know it may come as He would’ve been perfectly happy for her to continue next to him and whisper
complex Healing spells, in lieu of sweet nothings, into his ear.
a surprise, but he does have some friends. That being said, it will necessarily be an Right. The crush that he was meant to be quashing. He bound and gagged his
intimate gathering, as he only has six.) heart and shoved it into some profound psychic abyss.
Henriette materialised with the meal’s pièce de résistance -- a small chocolate
If you would be amenable to joining us, we would request the pleasure of your mousse cake, topped with a single candle.
company at Nott House, this Saturday, at seven o’clock. “Oh, merci! C'est trop gentil!” exclaimed Granger, a hand pressed to her
collarbones.
Draco had had a feeling that Granger would’ve absolutely detested Happy
In the bottom corner of the invitation was a note: Dress - Black tie. Birthday being sung to her by himself and the elves (as riotous as it would’ve been), so
he had instructed Henriette to leave off the singing.
Draco’s soggy envelope enclosed a note that made for rather a sharp contrast, scrawled
Henriette merely said, “Joyeux anniversaire, Mademoiselle!” and curtseyed out
in Theo’s usual illegible hand and written in Biro.
with a crack.
“You really didn’t need to do anything,” said Granger to Draco, looking genuinely
Dear fucko, touched.
Lost my Jotter, hence missive through ancient means. Drinks and delights at “Rather a rotten birthday otherwise, stuck in the Manor with me, with a horde of
werewolves skulking about and trying to kill you.”
mine, this Saturday, 7. I invited Granger. Granger tugged the candle out of the cake and blew it out. (“It’s more sanitary,” she
said in the face of Draco’s raised eyebrow.)
Come or I will kill you. “What did you wish for?”
Kisses, “Can’t say.”
Draco passed his hand through his hair. “Nothing, I’d wager. You’ve already got
Theo me. What else could you possibly ask for?”
She laughed, as expected (miserable feeling), and pulled the cake towards herself.
P.S. Invitation list encl. for your edification “Do you want some?”
At his nod, Granger cut them each a gooey slice of the mousse cake. “Ron said he’d
A crumpled napkin had been shoved into the envelope, with the following check the cottage for parcels for me, on the way home. He’s to drop them off
information: tomorrow.”
Granger “Good of him.”
“Mm.”

422 | Theo’s Party Twenty-Five | 399

 There was silence as the cake was savoured. way and Draco realised that it was lost. He had walked it back to Granger’s suite,
“What happened between you and Weasley, anyway?” asked Draco. knocked, and told her, “I believe this is yours,” as the cat bounded into familiar
As a general rule, he and Granger didn’t do personal questions -- a healthy habit to territory. Granger had been doing yoga, and was wearing those clothes, and was
cultivate between Auror and Principal. She had let one slip in Provence, about his sweaty and breathless and shining, and smelled like salt and candle-smoke. She had
schooling -- and now he permitted himself one, out of not-so-idle curiosity. gasped “Oh! Crooks, my darling, you mustn’t go too far,” and a trickle of perspiration
Perhaps it was a query that Granger fielded regularly. She merely shrugged. “We had run down between her breasts, which Draco did not look at.
wanted different things. We were young when we got engaged -- just out of the war. I Anyway, the cat was all right.
had a great many plans that didn’t involve building the Burrow II and popping out Draco never explicitly admitted it him to himself, but behind the quashing, in a
the next Weasley dynasty. But we split amicably, in the end. I’m lucky. Ron remains secret, stupid, soppy part of his soul, he wished that they could share more quiet
my dear friend. He and Luna have been together for a bit, now -- they're a much moments together, uninterrupted by screams of pain at A&E or swotty graduate
happier match.” students at her laboratory. But perhaps it was better this way -- perhaps anything else
Draco muttered out a noncommittal response around a spoonful of cake. would be too much.
“And you?” asked Granger. There was restrained curiosity in her glance. “I’d heard He had often wondered what pushed so many of his friends to marriage and the
that you and the younger Greengrass sister were engaged.” smallness of domestic bliss. But sometimes, when Granger came home, and smiled a
It was Draco’s turn to shrug. “Same as you, I suppose. Different plans. She wanted hello, and sat next to him at the table, sometimes, for a brief moment, he understood.
to be the next Mrs. Malfoy and do the thing properly, you know -- the society thing, Those moments were a glimpse of something he didn’t know he could want, but they
the parties, the dinners, four children and two nannies by age 25. I wanted regular were fleeting, and the feeling vanished when she went to bed, and left him with a sense
beatings by French professors--” (Granger nodded and said, “As one does”) “--and of loss of something he had never had in the first place.
mucky weekends in Barcelona.” He had one such moment on a rainy October day. It was a Sunday, and, miracle of
“Your mother must’ve been upset.” miracles, both he and Granger were off. By the time Draco made it to the dining
“Devastated. We were perfect on paper.” room, Granger was having lunch, but she kindly called it brunch as she waved him to
“So many things are.” a chair.
They were silent for a while. Neither looked at the other. Draco asked for porridge (unfermented) from the kitchens. Granger sat cross-
“Thank you again, for the cake,” said Granger. “It was -- an unexpected gesture.” legged in her chair, one hand occupied with her fork, the other with her foldy
“Thank Henriette,” said Draco. computer, surrounded by silver pucks.
He took it that Granger had finished with the cake and snuck his fork towards it Draco had just settled in to enjoy the quiet and the company when the moment
for another bite, without bothering to cut himself a piece. was interrupted by Theo’s owl, who dropped two identical envelopes over the table --
one in Granger’s lap, and one directly into Draco’s porridge.
“You’ll ruin the structural integrity,” gasped Granger. “Don’t you dare!”
Granger opened hers to discover an invitation from Theo. She showed it to Draco,
“Or what?” asked Draco, aiming for the soft mousse centre.
who saw that Theo had taken great pains with it: the script was beautiful, the
Granger knocked his fork away with hers. “I shall carry out a citizen’s arrest.”
parchment was of the highest grade, the ink shimmered luxuriously.
“Ha. Do you know, I’d absolutely love to see you tr--”
A flick of Granger’s wand Transfigured Draco’s silver cufflinks into narrow
handcuffs, neatly attached in the middle. The Transfiguration was impossibly quick --
shockingly so.

400 | Nearness of Granger, Perils of Twenty-Seven | 421

 Draco observed this new state of affairs. He pulled his hands apart. The cuffs
chinked against each other and held firm.
He whistled.
“Transition metals near your hands can’t be the wisest decision for an Auror,” said

27
Granger.
“Most baddies haven’t a Master’s in Transfiguration.”
“And I suppose you aren’t typically distracted by chocolate mousse, either.”
“Correct.”
“Still,” said Granger. There was merriment in her eyes. “That wasn’t so hard.”
Theo’ s PartY “I say again, you’d have made quite the Auror, sans the shrieking.”
“My brains are better used elsewhere,” said Granger.
Quite rightly, too.
“Are you going to let me go, or are we going to see how long it takes me to develop

S
o. The quashing. It was, objectively, not going well. a new kink?” asked Draco.
As Draco preferred to fault anyone but himself for his problems, he laid the “I suppose I’d better. We don’t want you getting too excitable at work.” Granger
blame squarely upon Granger, who had no business smiling at him. Frankly, waved her wand and the handcuffs became cufflinks once more.
how dare she. Obnoxious behaviour. Thoughtless. Rude, really. But it was too late -- the cuffs were now a Thing that was going to reside in Draco’s
Granger carried on in cheerful ignorance of her culpability. As the days went by, head. There was an exhilaration that came with being so quickly overpowered. His
she settled into life in the Manor with surprising ease -- perhaps because she was rarely wand had been well out of reach, too. She could’ve gone on to do all manner of
actually there. She arrived in time to inhale a late dinner, most nights, and was awake interesting things -- and found him to be a willing participant.
early again the next day, dragging a bleary-eyed Draco behind her as she frolicked off to But no. There would be no shagging of her handcuffed Auror upon a sofa. She
save the world. was Granger. She would never cross the line. She was controlled and professional.
Potter and Weasley visited Granger often. The three of them shared long late-night Ethical. Correct.
conversations, piled upon each other in some salon or other. Draco joined only when Damn her.
specifically invited in by Granger -- he spent enough time with those two duffers at the Draco poured himself a generous glass of wine and finished it.
office and didn’t relish more of their company. He also found them rather too He ought to follow suit and be equally Correct. But it was rather difficult when she
watchful -- Potter in particular. Not that there was anything to see here. was pressing her bum into him and putting fingers on his mouth and cuffing him.
Even in his wildest lapses into truth, Draco would never admit how much he And that had only been one evening’s worth of activities. And there would be many
enjoyed Granger’s -- admittedly sporadic -- company at the Manor. The way her more together.
presence filled the great rooms with warmth. The pleasure of dinnertime repartee. Deep down, in his bound-and-gagged heart, Draco felt stirrings of alarm.
Walking through a corridor and knowing that she’d just passed there, because of
the lingering smell of soap.
Even her cat was a decent addition to the house. Late one night, a “Mraa?” at the
foot of Draco’s bed informed him that the creature had somehow entered his rooms
and was calling plaintively for him. Then it had looked at him in a self-pitying kind of

420 | Theo’s Party Twenty-Five | 401

 He indulged. He held her just as tightly, this favourite old enemy, this brilliant do-
gooder, this stupid crush.
She looked up just as he looked down.
Their cheeks met in a wet, muddy press.

26
And then, so did their lips.
It was the most innocent, naive kiss that Draco had ever stumbled into. It dumped
an entire litre of endorphins into his system
They broke away and gasped apologies to each other, because, obviously, it had
been an accident.
Mabon, They carried on as though nothing had happened. Because he was her Auror and
she was his Principal and they were both consummate professionals.
Being Irritating is But something had happened.
And Granger hadn’t leapt away screaming, you know. She hadn’t wiped her
a Love Language mouth, she hadn’t spat. She had just -- felt warm, and breathed once, and now she
blushed and busied herself with packing. Draco’s brain revelled in the attainment of a
new memory, of lips chapped by the wind and the taste of salt and earth.

A
s promised the next day, Weasley Flooed to the Manor to drop off the Granger assembled her instruments.
birthday gifts that had been sent to Granger’s cottage. Granger had already “That’s Mabon sorted,” she said, relief in her voice. “I can hardly believe it.”
popped off to her laboratory, so it was Draco who had the dubious “A triumph,” said Draco, and he meant it.
privilege of receiving him. “A small triumph.”
Weasley was not a dab hand at Extension Charms, which he demonstrated by “You’re working towards a bloody big one.”
arriving with a bulky burlap sack full of parcels, promptly heaved into Draco's arms. “Yes.”
Weasley panted. “Took me ten minutes to pack up that lot.” The last of the Mabon sun caressed the tops of distant trees, exultant in a scarlet
“Popular witch,” said Draco, clutching at the ponderous thing. and gold blaze. Far above the trembling grasses and the rolling hills, the moon rose.
“Yeah.” Weasley wiped sweaty hands onto his trousers and looked about. Granger finished packing and fell onto her bum between the dolmen’s colossal
“Hermione sounds like she’s handling it all right, staying here. Funny that this ended stones.
up being the safest place for her, after all these years.” She sat there for a long time, her hands in the earth behind her, her face to the sky,
“I suppose.” breathing relief.
“Thanks for doing this for her. You’re really a decent bloke -- only a bit of a twat, Then she caught his eye and smiled at him.
after all.” The Great Wall of Quashing was obliterated. Something vast and nameless swelled
Draco had just opened his mouth to tell Weasley thanks, and to piss off, when in his heart. This witch was -- this witch was -- he hadn’t the words for it, but he was
Weasley added, “She likes you, you know.” struck by it. It wanted to engulf him.
“...Likes me?” The sphere of light glowed, still. But it wasn’t in the Deluminator. It was in him.

402 | Mabon Twenty-six | 419

made her laugh, and the warmth in her eyes softened the edges of hers, and were they “Genuinely,” said Weasley. “Thinks you’re enormously competent -- eminently
arguing or were they flirting, really? respectable -- generally marvellous--” he took on a high, Grangery voice “--Rather
As the equinox drew nearer, Granger began to get fidgety. She leapt from the rock, brilliant, you know, Ron, you mustn’t tease him. Can’t even refer to you as ‘the Ferret’
checked the position of her silver bowl again, took out the Deluminator, put the without being corrected.”
Deluminator back, calibrated the bowl again, and began to pace. This had an immense cheering effect on Draco, but he kept his face neutral. “She
“Sorry,” she said, when she noticed that Draco was watching her. “I’ve practised does like to take up unfortunate causes.”
this so many times, you know, but this is real, and if I bodge it, the entire project is set “Yeah. She’ll bung together a Society for the Protection of Eminently Respectable
back by a year -- but I won’t bodge it -- but if I did--” Malfoy soon, I reckon. SPERM. Suits you.”
“You won’t,” said Draco. So buoyed was Draco’s mood that this insolence hardly rankled. He called Weasley
“I won’t.” a freckly fucker, but without rancour.
She flung up a spell to tell the time. “Has she launched a house-elf rebellion yet?” asked Weasley.
6:15 p.m. “No, but I expect her to start agitating imminently. It’s only been two nights.”
Granger knelt next to the silver bowl. The breeze danced amongst the long grasses. “Yeah. She has loads of time to do damage.” Weasley waggled his eyebrows as he
A charm of goldfinches took flight. looked about deviously for elves. “I’d better be off. You’re on at the lab later?”
6:18 p.m. “It’s Humphreys this morning and Goggin in the PM. I’m with Potter at the
The smell of autumn drifted deliciously around the dolmen, heavy with fresh-cut safehouses.”
hay. Weasley tossed Floo powder into the hearth. “Right -- the traps. Make them evil
6:19 p.m. and borderline illegal, won't you?”
The air grew thick with magic. “Obviously.”
6:20 p.m. “Bye.”
The equinox struck. “Off, you fuck.” Weasley Flooed out.
The sun’s rays hit the mirrored bowl, reflected upon themselves thousands upon The bag in Draco’s arms was heavy with expressions of love from Granger’s friends
thousands of luminous times, and formed a sphere of pure light. and admirers. He felt the corners of books and the squishiness of clothing. Something
Granger, kneeling next to the bowl, clicked the Deluminator. The ball of light was cinnamony wafted through the burlap.
sucked into the instrument. He cast a few detection spells to ensure that there were no cursed or poisoned items
The sun set. within and called Tupey to take the thing to Granger’s suite.
And just like that, it was done. He did not spend a single moment moodily musing upon a gift for Granger to
Granger carefully slipped the Deluminator into her pocket. outshine all of these offerings.
Then she stood, tilted her head up, spread out her arms, and said, “Yes!” The day passed in a series of visits to safehouses, where Draco and Potter hoped to
She spun in a circle, a small figure under a big sky, laughing her happiness to the lure any snooping baddies in with false indicators of Granger’s presence. They created
heavens. decoy Grangers, charmed to move between various rooms, and set lights to turn on
Her spin swung her into Draco, and she turned the collision into an embrace into and off at night. They concealed a variety of wards and ensnarements around the
which, on tip-toe, she pressed all of her joy and relief. properties.
And yes, Draco’s were crueller than Potter’s. Potter had all the imagination of a
Horklump.

418 | Mabon Twenty-six | 403

 When they had thus baited five safehouses, along with Granger’s cottage, they “A Deluminator,” said Granger. “Ron lent it to me, bless him.”
returned to the Office to meet with Tonks, who had spoken to Shacklebolt. Granger lay herself down on the ground next to the silver bowl and used the
“Did he throw a full-on tanty?” asked Potter. sextant again, making minute adjustments to the bowl’s direction.
Tonks shook her head. “No -- you know Kingsley. It was quiet disappointment. Then she rose and clambered upon one of the dolmen’s massive stones, and
He didn’t threaten to sack me or Robards, so that was a positive.” perched herself there.
“Come off it,” said Draco. “He’d never sack you for this.” “Now what?” asked Draco.
“The Greyback resurgence was a bit of a shock,” grimaced Tonks. “He wasn’t “Now we wait,” said Granger. “This year, the autumnal equinox takes place at
happy. Robards caught the worse of the bollocking; he shouldn’t have tried to keep 6:20 p.m.”
things under wraps after the infant infector. Anyway -- I’ve reassured him that “Oh. We’ve got loads of time.”
Hermione is safe and will be continuing her work. He’s asked to be kept apprised of “We do. We struck lucky, really, finding it on the sixth try.”
the WTF’s plans for the next full moon -- I’d like to participate in the next meeting, They had a picnic on the rock -- thick egg and cress sandwiches prepared by
Potter, if you don’t mind...” Henriette.
A buzz in his pocket caused Draco’s attention to drift. He glanced under the table “The Devil’s Den,” said Draco, looking upwards at the massive capstone above
to see a message from Granger. them. “What’s so devilish about it?”
“Local tradition has it that a demon could be summoned here by pouring water
Humphreys is very chatty. into these.” Granger pointed at dish-shaped recesses in the rock. “It would appear at
midnight to have a drink.”
“Only water? Nice sort of demon. I would’ve expected the blood of infants, at the
She is, a bit.
very least.” “Perhaps we can leave him some. Water, I mean. Not infant blood -- I
haven’t any.”
Worse than you. When they finished their picnic, Granger rubbed at her face. In spite of Draco’s
sporadic efforts, she was still plastered with muck. Grime streaked across her cheeks
Everyone is worse than me. I like war paint.
am the best. “I think I prefer human medicine,” she said with a bit of primness as she aimed
Scourgify and Evanesco at herself. “There’s less chasing about of patients. It was fun,
Have been apprised of the though.”
ailments of her entire extended “Fun. O, yes. I positively adore going arse over tit in swamps.”
Granger tutted, then leaned over to fix his collar. “A bit of dirt makes you look
family.
dashing.” Draco was nonplussed. Amusement made its way onto Granger’s face and it
was -- affectionate.
And Goggin?
Draco did not know what to do with it.
“But your hair -- an absolute lost cause, today,” said Granger.
A very nice man. “Speak for your bloody self.”
They whiled away the rest of the evening with talk. They insulted each other a few
times, and snarled at each other a few times, but it was all right, because his insults

404 | Mabon Twenty-six | 417

 Good.
“There’s some bloody -- fucking -- gratitude,” said Draco, spitting with every word.
Granger sneezed.
They looked at each other, wide-eyed, mud-streaked, stinking abominably. — said Draco, who did not grow jealous at all.
“Your face.”
“Y-your hair! I—” Loud breather.
They collapsed into hysterics and laughed until they couldn’t breathe.
Man’s broken his nose a few
Granger was still shaking with giggles as they Apparated to the next site, the Devil’s times.
Den.
Rather whistley on the exhale,
And her high spirits endured, because there, amongst long grasses under a soft blue
sky, she found the magical combination of fungi and flora that she had been looking for. isn’t it?
“Finally!” said Granger. “Yes!”
She kissed a mushroom (mushrooms got more action than Draco; it was fine), and Ask him to toot you a tune.
launched into a flurry of activity. She pulled mysterious paraphernalia out of her
pocket and began to set something up between the dolmen's great stones. He already is.
As for Draco, well. Once lost, one’s dignity is difficult to find again, but Draco did
his utmost to recover his.
Which song?
He had to concede that his Look was ruined. He cast Scourgify and Aguamenti
until he was, at the very least, no longer a walking poo. Then he cast a few Aguamenti
at Granger as she bustled about, just for sport, and also because she had kissed a There was a delay as Granger, presumably, paused to listen to Goggin.
mushroom instead of him.
He stopped after her squeals got shrieky and she snarled, “Malfoy!”, because he did
not want her to turn him into an actual poo out of pique. Auld Lang Syne, I think.
“What are we collecting here?” asked Draco, sauntering towards the instruments
that Granger was setting out. Festive.
“Light,” said Granger, holding a kind of sextant up to the sky. “Light?”
“Yes. Standard Sanitatem requires exposure to sunlight in a churchyard. For the Three more hours of this -- I may
proto-Sanitatem, we need autumnal equinox light collected at a tomb far more go mad. Miss you terribly. Will
ancient, captured just as the sun passes the celestial equator.”
never be mean to you again.
A shallow, mirrored bowl gleamed amongst the instruments. Runes were carved
down its sides. Granger played with the sextant and a bronze compass and tilted the
bowl further, so that it was aimed upwards, but towards the west.
In her hand was a clicky tube thing. Draco’s heart stopped beating at the sight of ‘miss you terribly.’
“What’s the clicky tube thing?” Then it resumed with disturbing vigour.

416 | Mabon Twenty-six | 405

 “Malfoy? Would you kindly join us in the present?” came the voice of Tonks. Granger felt about the deer’s hind end, muttering about femurs.
Draco looked up to find Tonks and Potter looking at him. He grew aware of a The deer kicked a leg free and coated Granger’s hair in a liberal glob of mud.
vague smile on his face and replaced it with a scowl. Granger closed her eyes and breathed.
Tonks opened her mouth to launch a barbed query about what was holding his “What are you doing?” asked Draco. “Repenting? I hope so.”
attention so pleasantly, but Draco was spared further explanation by a knock on the “It’s fine,” said Granger, throwing her sodden hair over her shoulder. “She’s afraid.
door. It’s not her fault.”
“Is Malfoy in here?” came the voice of Brimble, one of the junior Aurors. The creature did look pathetic. Draco’s conscience, which was largely absent from
“What is it?” asked Draco. his life, prickled at the sight of her fear-filled black eyes. He fell into an ill-considered
“I’ve got something to show you, if you’ve got a moment?” lapse of kindness and stroked the hind’s dainty head.
Tonks shooed Draco away with a lively gesture, as though glad of an excuse to rid Granger gave him a quick look of surprise before casting a diagnostic spell. “It is a
herself of the dreamy-eyed idiot. dislocation. Brilliant. We’ll need to put her to sleep -- she’ll need to be completely
Miss you terribly. relaxed -- and then we'll do a bit of tug of war.”
Why did that give him such a pleasant fluttery feeling? It kind of felt too nice to At the sight of Granger’s wand, the creature sighed, a look of absolute pathos on
quash. her face as she prepared for death.
Right. Brimble. They poked about the deer until they found a patch of skin uncovered by her
Brimble was a young Muggle-born witch who generally regarded Draco with a magical pelt -- a velvety smooth spot just under her chin.
kind of fearful awe. Her specialty was surveillance and espionage. When Draco joined Granger Stunned her. She consulted the diagnostic schema and then, under her
her at her desk, she nervously shuffled through a stack of paper and dropped her quill. directions, they began the tug of war. Draco was instructed to lock his arms around
“S-sorry for interrupting,” she said. “I thought it might be important. I’ve been the creature’s pelvis and hold it as steady as he could. Granger wrestled with the leg,
monitoring INTERPOL’s notices and one of your Persons of Interest has just trying to find the magical angle where the head of the femur would slide back over the
popped up.” edge of the acetabulum.
“Which one?” For a long minute, Granger tugged the leg, folded it, twisted it, pulled it -- and then,
“Gunnar Larsen. INTERPOL has just linked him to a string of attacks -- your finally, there was a soft click.
man is on some kind of international rampage against researchers. They’ve finally “Yes,” said Granger.
caught him on camera.” “You did it?”
She placed a stack of unmoving Muggle photographs into Draco’s hands. “Here. “I think so.” Granger flexed the hind’s leg, which bent smoothly, now, and no
These were taken at a laboratory in the Netherlands. Larsen strangled the lead longer lay at that unnatural angle.
scientist.” Granger cast another diagnostic spell. “Perfect.”
Draco examined the sequence of photographs, which were blurry, black and Granger Ennervated the hind, who found her feet, trembling. She backed away
white, and shot from a high angle that made it difficult to discern what was from them, putting her weight evenly on all four legs.
happening. In the first photos, Larsen’s large form hovered over the white coated She was sound again.
body, then he held the scientist’s head between his hands for several more frames -- They lowered the earthen walls.
conducting Legilimency, no doubt. The scientist appeared to raise an arm to defend The creature galloped off without a backwards glance, lavishing one final splash of
himself and then Larsen’s hands were at his throat. filth at them in lieu of a farewell.
“Is the scientist alive?” It went into Draco’s mouth and up Granger’s nose.

406 | Mabon Twenty-six | 415

 In a masterful display of athleticism and idiocy, Draco leapt towards her. He Brimble riffled through more documents. “Alive, but in critical condition.
managed to grab one slender hoof -- then it slipped out of his grasp. He splashed into Hospitalised in Rotterdam.”
the swamp on his knees. “Who is he?”
It was in his hair. His. Hair. “He’s, er -- wait, I’ve got it somewhere -- an oncologist. That's a kind of Muggle
He was going to murder them both. He would have venison for dinner and tart Healer who--”
for dessert and life would be simple again. “I know what an oncologist is.”
Granger conjured a rope that snaked after the deer, but it was magically repelled Brimble looked at him with surprise. “Right. Well, his name is Dr. Johann
the moment it touched her pelt. Driessen.”
“We just want to help you!” called Granger. Fuck. That had been one of Granger’s co-speakers at that Oxford event.
“Stand still, you stupid bloody quadruped!” shouted Draco, less kindly. “The Dutch National Police Corps is investigating, as are the Dutch Aurors.
The creature did not, judging by her extra burst of speed, speak English. They’ve been informed that we also have an interest in Larsen. I’ve reached out to
Granger waved her wand and spoke an incantation, and a wall of earth colleagues in Japan and America about the other attacks -- from the reports I’ve seen, it
surrounded the three of them. sounds as though he’s been performing Legilimency on them and leaving them for
“There,” said Granger. “No more running.” dead.”
The hind took her new surroundings into view. She was in a circular earthen pen. Draco took the file from Brimble. “Well done. Tell me immediately if there’s
Draco leapt at her again, hoping to sweep her legs out from under her and lie her anything else. And I want to know if he comes into the country -- eyes on portkeys
down to be examined. The hind dodged. Granger darted at her with her arms flung and international Floos.”
wide. The hind capered to the side. Brimble nodded as Draco swept away.
At this point, the creature seemed to conclude that they were absolute amateurs. That evening, Granger was welcomed to the dining table by the stack of
She appeared to be making sport of their pursuit, dangling leg and all. She waited until photographs and a retelling of Brimble’s findings.
Draco or Granger got near her and then dashed off again, churning muck into their She blanched as she learned of the string of attacks and gasped in horror at the
faces. photographs of Dr. Driessen.
“I am going to skin her myself and make a bloody cloak of her,” snarled Draco Draco didn’t want to say, I bloody told you so, but something of the thought was
through mud. clearly in his expression, because Granger made a rare admission: “You were right
A swish of Granger’s wand brought the earthen walls further inward. Soon, there about Larsen.”
were only two or three square metres of space to step on -- all of it swamp. It gave Draco no pleasure. Well, perhaps a little pleasure. “I’m always right.”
They caught her. Draco laid the creature down and held her three good legs in a It was a monumental burden, always being right, but he bore it with his usual
double-fisted grasp, as all attempts at conjured ropes or chains slid off. Her injured leg grace.
stuck out at an unnatural angle behind her. “What the hell is Larsen playing at?” asked Granger. “What is wrong with him?!”
The hind gave out heart-breaking bleats of fear and trembled, as though “I’d like to know, too. What is the arsehole looking for?”
anticipating some horrid end at their hands. Granger’s brows were contracted into a worried line. “If he’s targeting researchers in
“It’s all right, it’s all right,” shushed Granger. Somehow, muddied and dishevelled, my field -- most of them are Muggles. They’ll be utterly incapable of defending
she managed to look perfectly angelic. “We aren’t going to hurt you. The mean man themselves.”
was joking. I’d sooner make a cloak of him.” “Give me a list of likely targets. I’ll inform their respective Auror HQs.”
Draco had no coherent reply to offer, as he was spitting out mud. “All right.”

414 | Mabon Twenty-six | 407

 Granger stared at one of the photographs of Driessen being throttled. She looked “I do not approve,” said Draco, stamping into the wet forest after Granger.
sick. Draco plucked it away and put it back in the file. “It’s not your fault.” Granger was beginning to sound shirty. “I remember with vivid distinctness not
They sat in silence. having requested your approval. Haven’t you any empathy?”
Tupey materialised to serve dessert (a tarte tatin), which snapped them both out of “I’m fresh out. Could you stop being such a bloody fucking Do-Gooder, for one
their broody stupors. day in your life?”
Granger took a long breath, as of one attempting to Move On To Other Matters, “Could you find a single ounce of compassion in that fermented porridge you call
but with difficulty. a soul?”
“Right,” she sighed. “We need to talk about Mabon. It’s tomorrow and we’ve got “I have loads of compassion. For my boots.”
so many sites to visit, we need to be frightfully organised about it.” “Your boots?!” came the reply. “This is an act of kindness!”
As though Granger knew how to be any other sort of organised. Now it was her “It’s a monstrous bother!”
turn to plonk a pile of papers in front of Draco. She moved her chair closer and her And where was Granger’s compassion for his hair and robes, if you please? Why
knee touched his thigh, which felt nice, and she ran through the itinerary with him. were they wading in a bog?
The wild, ancient names of the dolmens they would be visiting rang off of her In the trees ahead, the golden hind glimmered. The poor creature was doing her
tongue: Bodowyr, Henblas, Ty Mawr, Pentre Ifan, Hell Stone, Goward, Annadorn... best to get away, but her three-legged sprint had exhausted her, and Draco and
Draco suppressed a shiver. There was magic in those names. Granger soon gained ground.
There were twelve in all. Granger’s itinerary included Floo points and Apparition Granger’s Stunners were flying in pursuit. “Stupefy! Stupefy!”
points, often a little way away from the sites themselves, as they were built on major ley “You would be so easy to lure into a trap,” panted Draco, catching up. “Baddies
lines too magically potent to Apparate directly onto. just need to find a bunny with a hurt footsie--”
Granger suggested that they use Side-Along Apparition when not Flooing, in “If you’d help me, this would be over faster!”
order to stay together and avoid magical depletion through so many repeated “Fine. Stupefy!”
Apparitions across the UK. Draco’s Stunner hit the hind in the back -- to absolutely no effect.
They bickered over who would Apparate whom -- Granger wanted Draco to “Right,” said Draco. “Magic-absorbing pelts.”
preserve his magic for detecting and duelling if needed; Draco wanted her to save hers “Damn it,” said Granger. “I didn't think they’d be quite so potent.”
to defend herself, and perhaps reattach his limbs in the case of a firefight. Granger changed tactics and transformed the muddy ground into a few metres of
They decided to compromise by alternating, which left neither of them satisfied literal swamp, which half-swallowed the hind, until she was stuck.
and both of them glaring at the other as though they had never dealt with such a When they were about three metres away, Draco and Granger fired off an
bloody minded fool in their lives. Immobulus and a sleeping charm, respectively, neither of which took effect, even at
Now Granger bit her lip. “We’ll need to leave early tomorrow. I know you’ll be this close range.
thrilled.” “Incredible,” said Granger, as though this was an intriguing scientific
“I am positively effervescent with joy.” phenomenon and not a catastrophic death sentence for Draco’s Look.
“Brilliant.” With strength borne by panic, the hind pulled herself out of the mud and plunged
“Frothing with it.” between the two of them, hoping to make her getaway between the lumbering
Granger proposed the foul hour of seven o’clock. humans.
“What? Bloody hell.”
Granger’s eyeroll was magnificent. “Poor darling. It isn't that awful.”

408 | Mabon Twenty-six | 413

 Sunshine began to pierce through the mist, turning the muddy field into a “Vile, is what it is.” Draco sighed a dramatic sigh and sat limply in his chair. “I
glittering expanse of dew bejewelled with golden wheat-stubble and the shining pelts should’ve taken the troll porn.”
of the deer. “The what?” asked Granger.
The retreating mist meant that the deer had lost their cover. They turned back “Nothing. Never mind. Eat your tart.”
towards the safety of the trees and, wraith-like, disappeared into the forest. “Eat your tart.”
One, a smallish, younger hind, was trailing the herd, limping badly. “I’d like nothing more.”
“Oh!” came Granger’s voice, which told Draco that she, too, had spotted the “Good.”
creature. “What’s the matter with her?” Draco ate the tart in front of him but he’d rather have been eating the one beside
Her voice startled the herd into flight. The injured hind was left to follow, limping him. Yet another wearisome irony in the difficult life of Draco Malfoy.
as quickly as she could.
“I suppose she’s hurt,” said Draco.
“We need to help her.” Draco awoke at the monumentally gruesome hour of six o’clock the next day to get
“Help her? It’s a wild animal. Let nature take its course.” ready. He bore the hardship with great fortitude, which he thought he ought to be
Granger was, unsurprisingly, unwilling to follow this logical course of action. “I praised for.
didn’t see any blood. The way she was dangling the leg -- I think it’s just a dislocation.” He paid particular attention to his toilette that morning, desiring to achieve a
“So she’ll be fine.” certain Look for the day’s gallivanting: dashing, yet elegant; adventurous, yet bien mis;
“No. She won’t be able to put it back herself. She’ll die a slow and fear-filled death intrepid, but suave.
or be killed by something horrid.” His hair he arranged to look roguishly debonair. He wore his favourite boots,
To Draco’s enormous irritation, Granger began to squelch towards the trees. which he fancied gave him a swashbuckling kind of air.
“Granger,” called Draco, in a voice of great authority and menace. As he adjusted his hair in the mirror, Draco reflected that the prospect of spending
She took no notice, obviously. an entire day with Granger, looking at mushrooms, should have provoked annoyance
“Let’s just Stun her so I can have a look. They’re terribly rare -- almost hunted to and true ennui. And yet -- despite the hideous hour -- Draco found himself rather
extinction because of their pelts. We can’t just let her die.” looking forward to the excursion.
“We absolutely can,” said Draco. “Have you forgotten the beastly itinerary you’ve At 6:55 a.m., satisfied with his Look, Draco made his way to the entrance hall to
put together?” “Of course not. I built in extra time for contingencies.” find Granger.
“And this is a contingency, is it?” She was at the foot of the stairs, her hair in a high ponytail, her walking boots laced
“Yes.” up tight, her eyes bright.
“It’s a bloody deer.” Seeing her waiting for him, all kitted up in her walking things, was -- good. It gave
“Of which there remain less than three hundred living specimens! She’ll die if we Draco a pleasant sense of anticipation for adventure and argument. For treks through
don’t do something.” forests, and accidental engagements, and fleeing mad nuns, all in good company.
Hermione Granger, the most irritating witch of her age, continued into the forest. He had missed this.
Draco swore and kicked an innocent mushroom which had led a blameless life and Draco downed two coffees and four eggs, and they were ready to crack on.
did not deserve it. Granger led the way to the Floo parlour. She, too, looked to be anticipating this
newest gallivant with pleasure. Her smile was warm.
“Shall we carpe this diem?”

412 | Mabon Twenty-six | 409

 “Let’s.” Amongst the gorse and the autumn-sweet air, the pack of lethal werewolves and
Granger threw Floo powder into the flames and spoke the name of their first the murderous Larsen must have seemed far away to her -- problems for tomorrow’s
waypoint. She stepped in, closely followed by Draco, and they were off. Granger, not today’s.
They fell into an enjoyable rhythm as they progressed through Granger’s itinerary. It gave him unaccountable pleasure, to see her so happy.
At each stop, Draco’s detection spells confirmed that they were alone (save for cows or Now Granger approached him, shaking her head. “Not here. Goward next. Direct
sheep) and then Granger set to work, looking for the specific mushrooms and other Apparition -- my turn. Ready?”
plant matter her Herbologist- philosopher had decided to elaborate on, instead of “Let’s go.”
something useful, like bloody coordinates. The spin, the squeeze, the warmth of her. Draco hoped for an awkward, slippery
The dolmens were large structures, still impressive despite their occasional landing somewhere, so that she could conveniently fall on top of him, but alas -- their
collapsed states. Granger provided her usual historical commentary, explaining that landing places had been selected by Granger, and were therefore, necessarily, as level as
the monuments typically housed burial chambers, and would have been covered one could ask for.
entirely by a mound of earth, thousands of years ago. The next dolmen was in a misty farmer’s field, recently ploughed.
They experienced every season imaginable as they progressed through Granger’s Draco’s detection spells showed nothing but a smallish herd of deer where the field
list. Driving rain at Bodowyr, glorious September sunshine at Ty Mawr, thick fog at turned to forest. Granger squelched off, shin-deep in mud, towards the massive
Henblas. dolmen.
The landscapes were breathtaking. In the morning they discovered ancient Draco aimed a series of drying charms at a one metre square patch of mud and
woodlands of gnarled trees, smelling of wild thyme, wide moorlands covered in stepped onto it to keep the worst of the muck off of his boots. Then he alternated
millions of purple blossoms, and miles of rolling green turf disappearing into a hazy between keeping an eye on Granger and on the horizon.
sky. The herd of deer that Draco had detected drifted through the trees towards them.
In the afternoon, it was endless fells covered in bracken, domesticated pasturelands, Their steps were soundless. As they approached, Draco saw that their pelts were the
and cliffs plunging into the sea at the end of the world. golden-white of Oisín deer -- the Magical cousins of the red deer. Rare creatures that
Draco’s favourite bit was the Disapparitions -- the moments when Granger only existed in this part of Ireland. Draco had never seen a live one.
threaded her arm in his and clung to him, and he felt the sweep of her magic over him, The lead stag paused when it saw Draco, its magnificent antlers sweeping upwards
or cloaked her in his, and the spin of the Disapparition knocked them into one and losing themselves amongst the branches. The stag’s assessment must have
another and pressed them together. culminated in a decision that Draco posed no threat -- it lowered its head to nose at the
He couldn’t read whether she felt the same -- she hopped cheerily to his side every ground, as did the hinds behind it.
time, but she was joyously in her element, today, and doing everything cheerily. Her Draco cast a few detection spells to satisfy himself that these deer weren’t baddies
cheeks were quite pink, but then again, the wind was whipping over the Isle of who had developed excruciatingly specific Animagi for the purpose of attacking
Anglesey and the air was frosty in County Down. Granger.
But one thing was for certain: Granger was happy. Draco felt that there could never They were not.
have been a happier fungi-hunter hop-skipping about these ancient sites. There was a He wasn’t paranoid, he was just -- careful.
jubilance and a hope about her, fed by the knowledge that this was the penultimate (Maybe a bit paranoid.)
step in her project. The end was in sight and the world-changing would soon Draco glanced towards Granger to see that she, too, had noticed their company.
commence. She stood stock- still, a piece of parchment in one hand and her wand in the other.

410 | Mabon Twenty-six | 411

 Draco stared at the fire and refused, for a long time, to put the why into words. “There’s an elegance to it,” said Patil, tilting her head to the side.
When he did, it was with dread. “Very modern,” said Pansy. “I therefore don’t understand it.”
It was because, gods help him, this Principal was precious to him. And it went “What do you make of it, Hermione?” asked Theo.
beyond Amortentia attractions. She mattered to him. He cared for her. Granger considered the oeuvre. “It’s very -- er -- expressionist.”
All of the things an Auror ought not feel. Worse, it was all of the vulnerabilities “Kandinsky, but drunk?” proposed Patil.
that Draco hated, in one tidy package. “Can you feel the restrained passion?” Theo gripped at his breast. “The confusion?
He told himself that it wasn’t love -- that was one comfort. Love was meant to be a The frustration?”
nice thing. Butterflies and faffing about with poems and that sort of rot. This thing? “There’s something I like about it,” said Granger. “A kind of -- botheration.”
This thing holding him by the throat? It was a horrid thing. He ached with it. “A kind of self-denial, I think,” said Theo, his fingers on his chin. “And you,
She shouldn’t be precious to him. She should just be -- a Principal. They weren’t Draco? Thoughts on my newest acquisition?”
meant to be anything. They were meant to be colleagues at best. He had fucked up Draco glared at Theo, the cheekiest twat who had ever twatted. “I didn’t realise
magnificently on that front. that you were such a patron of the arts.”
Gorgeously. A fuck-up for the ages. “I like to encourage genius when I see it. So many of these young artists don’t
She should not be precious to him. And yet, she was. Being with her was divine. It know their own potential.”
appalled him. He was wretched. He was obsessed. He was mortified. Maddened. Theo amused himself for a few minutes more, probing the ladies on their
Repelled. Addicted. interpretations of the work and their opinions on the artist’s choice of materials (he
He hated it. He didn’t want any part of it. He hadn’t asked for this. Other than in was given to understand that the paint had been rather expensive, and aged 30 years
moments of Granger- or Amortentia-induced weakness, he knew what he wanted. before application).
He wanted to remain unattached, unconquered and free. His own man. An irritated Draco retreated to the safety of Davies, Flint and Quidditch. “What’s
(It was a kind of cowardice, by the way. It was being too afraid to lose something got you looking like someone shit in your kettle?” asked Flint. “Help me with this,”
and therefore not trying in the first place. It was pride. It was an aversion to opening said Draco, passing him a bottle.
up and being hurt. To giving her some part of him that she could break. Far better to “Gladly.”
remain alone and call it freedom.) With Flint and Davies’ assistance, Draco emptied Theo’s cherished bottle of
There was an out. He knew the protocols. He should speak to Tonks and resign Laphroaig 25, in revenge.
from this assignment. Let this fade away or blow itself out. Perhaps there would be When Theo had exhausted his fount of amusement with the ladies, he called to
peace on the other side. the room at large:
Even as he thought it, he knew that he wouldn’t do it. Operationally, the timing of “Shall we dance?”
such a resignation would be simply appalling. But beyond that -- fuck the protocols. There was clapping and a chorus of yeses. Wands were raised to clear a space, and
Fuck anything that might put her further away from him. He didn’t want to lose this music filled the room, and Zabini charmed the chandelier above to spin as Theo
thing. He was too selfish. He was too addicted. He wanted to continue this ongoing, dimmed the lights.
endlessly careful, farouche sort of dance. Flirting that pretended not to be. Lapses that The dance did not go as planned in Draco’s head.
were quickly blamed on alcohol and swept under the rug.
To begin with, by some twist of fate -- or unspoken mutual agreement, he didn’t
An equilibrium, he had told Tonks. know -- he and Granger danced with everyone except each other.
It was true. A strained status quo. That was what he wanted to maintain. It was an Patil, Audrielle and Pansy each took a spin with Draco. Meanwhile, seeing Granger
approximation of happiness. in Flint’s arms made Draco wish to garotte the man with his own bow tie. Seeing her

464 | Night Encounter Twenty-Seven | 429

in Zabini’s clutches invited thoughts of suffocation with one of the sofa cushions. And
Theo -- Draco had half a mind to smash his glass into a shiv and stab him.
Longbottom was fine, however.
There was spinning, there was dipping, there was some ill-advised lifting of ladies

29
by half-drunk men, and once of a man (Theo) by a very drunk woman (Pansy), there
was laughter.
Then Theo, who seemed far more sober than he was letting on, drew attention to
the fact that Draco hadn’t even had a proper dance with his saviour, which was
unacceptable. To Draco’s annoyance, he and Granger were pushed together, and
everyone gathered about and danced with them and around them, and it was not at
all the intimate vision that Draco had daydreamed about to excess. Night Encounter
He and Granger held each other stiffly. Granger looked annoyed under her smile.
He trod on her foot and she trod on his. They snarled at each other. Draco said that
Granger is Sensible
her feet were so small that if he was treading on them, it must be because she was

T
wedging hers under his on purpose. Granger said that if she was treading on his, it was
he small hours of the morning found Draco in his study. He sent a missive to
because one couldn’t help stepping on Draco’s feet if one was in the same room as
Lady Saira, enquiring -- while feeling slightly like a lunatic -- about any
him, given their surface area.
rumours she might have heard pertaining to Pandora’s box.
“And why isn’t your tie done up?” asked Granger in a tetchy whisper.
This task accomplished, he brought some semblance of order to his desk and
“Because you were using me as a specimen for your demonstration,” muttered
floated a bottle of Macpherson’s Rare Oak towards himself, along with a tumbler.
Draco.
Then he leaned upon the chimneypiece in shirtsleeves and braces, Firewhisky in
“Fix it.”
hand, and stared into the dancing flames.
Draco took this insinuation that Granger did not approve of his devil-may-care
The shock of the day’s events was catching up to him, now that the opimum was
suave look as a personal affront.
no longer in his system to dull it.
“You fix it,” said Draco, equally tetchy.
Granger was safe. It had been close, but she was safe.
“I don’t know how to tie bow ties.”
He felt none of the feelings that typically followed close calls with Principals.
“I’ll show you when we’ve been released from this tyranny. Perhaps you can learn
Sometimes it was cockiness for having boldly pulled someone out of an impossible
something, for once.”
situation. Sometimes, if the close call had been preventable, it was a guilty stirring to
“Me? Learn something? For once?” do better next time. Mostly, it was simply relief.
The remainder of their dance went on just as harmoniously. None of that, tonight. Images repeated themselves in his mind and all he felt was
After two or three songs, they were freed from the circle, and able to stand a little nausea. Her slumped form against the wall. Moore grabbing at her. Her face,
apart from the group and sip drinks and pretend not to be aggravated by -- well, squeezed by Larsen's massive hand. Her helpless dangle from Larsen’s arm, when he
everything. pulled her to the door.
Granger bit a samosa as though it had personally wronged her. Draco had a No relief. Only this -- this kind of heartsickness. Why?
spirited battle with a cocktail shrimp.
“Right,” said Draco, reaching for his tie. “Since you care so much.”

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 “Right,” she said. “Since an assortment of criminals is obsessed with interrupting Granger observed him as he demonstrated the knot, with a sort of annoyed focus.
my work, I’d best get on with preparations for Samhain, sharpish, before I’m waylaid “Have you got it?” asked Draco.
again. Have you a moment to look at something with me?” “Yes.”
Draco followed Granger up the stairs (yes, he looked at her bum) and into the Draco pulled it undone again. “Show me.”
guest suite. The suite’s front room had been taken over, as her cottage’s had been, by Granger sputtered into her glass. “What? You didn’t tell me there was going to be a
books. Her foldy computer glowed on a table. test.”
Her cat had found a favourite perch on a high shelf, from whence it watched “Marked out of ten.”
Draco with a kind of imperious benevolence, as of a grand vizier permitting a peasant “A test?” A specific disaster named Theo popped into being next to Draco. “Ooh.
to enter the inner sanctum for an audience with the queen. Let’s see how you do, Hermione.”
Revelations was back on its plinth. Floating around it were stacks of Anglo- “But I wasn’t watching -- I mean, I was watching, but not -- anyway, all right, I’ll
Norman dictionaries and reference texts, bristling with yellow squares of paper upon have a go.” Granger tottered closer and made an attempt. Draco couldn’t even enjoy a
which Granger had scrawled notes. bit of it, because two more idiots came by in the form of Zabini and Longbottom.
Granger opened the ancient tome with her usual degree of care and flipped to one “What’s going on over here?” asked Zabini.
of the latter portions. “She’s tying the knot,” said Theo.
“Right,” said Granger, frowning at the page. “I’ve got a question about that friend “With who?”
of a friend who helped you find this copy of Revelations.” “Draco.”
“Lady Saira. What about her?” “Ooh.”
“Do you think she would be au fait with details on other rare, alleged-to-have- “What’s happening?” asked Pansy.
disappeared-forever, items or artifacts?” “They’re tying the knot,” said Zabini.
“Er -- possibly,” said Draco. “She’s exceptionally well-connected.” Patil arrived. “What are we doing?”
Granger turned to him. Her hands were clasped in front of her. She had that “Draco and Hermione are tying the knot,” said Theo.
anxious look about her, the one she’d worn when first asking him to join her to steal
“I am tying a knot, Nott,” said Granger.
Mary Magdalene’s skull.
Patil looked confused. “A Nott Nott?”
“I mean -- I could do without it. I could. But if I want to do the thing properly...”
“A bow tie," said Granger with great patience. That kind of knot. Not Nott.”
“What is it?” asked Draco.
Flint arrived. “Who’s tying the knot?”
“Might you enquire about any rumours surrounding the location of another rare
“Hermione is. With Draco.”
item, meant to be lost to the ages, if it ever existed at all?”
“I am not,” said Granger.
“What item?”
“No, I’m Nott,” said Theo.
Granger bit her lip.
Draco informed them that he hated them all.
“Tell me,” said Draco.
Granger stepped back and looked cynically at her handiwork. “I’m not quite
“You’re going to think I’ve gone quite mad.”
certain that’s a pass.”
Draco scoffed. “We’ve already established your aggravating soundness of mind. Tell
Draco examined the bow tie in a nearby mirror. “Six out of ten.”
me.”
“How can you be so cruel to Hermione?” asked Theo. “She tried so.”
Granger took a breath. “We are looking for Pandora’s box.”

462 | The Viking Twenty-Seven | 431

 Granger made a substantial positive contribution to Draco’s mood by saying, “I Granger cast another imaging spell. “Sorry it’s so slow. I’m going to great lengths to
suppose I’ll have to practise more on him.” prevent any dental misalignment.”
Draco knotted his bow tie to his usual standards and made a note to ensure that Draco made a “Mm” of understanding in the back of his throat. He, too, was
Granger was provided with opportunities for self-improvement. going to great lengths.
There was a migration from the dance floor to the bar for more drinks. Everyone An Auror did not shag his Principal. He was being hideously inappropriate. He
grew pleasantly sloshed on their tipple of choice. The expensive scotch in Draco’s veins needed to calm down.
made him relaxed and languorous. Pansy and Longbottom disappeared for a longish Hearing Granger mutter incantations near his ear was -- stirring. Her mouth pressed
time and returned looking only slightly dishevelled. Davies and wife made their exit into a concentrated moue, right there, was terribly enticing. The push of her wand
through the Floo. angled under his jaw triggered some fantastically arousing hormonal combination of
At the bar, Theo began to mess about with cocktails. He was swirling his wand threat and sexy. Her focused, serious gaze gave him a thrill right down to his balls.
over a bowl of something white and frothy. “Right. Which of you wants to try my Everything was sexy. These were six of the sexiest minutes of Draco’s life. He
newest creation?” wanted to snatch her up and--
Pipsy the house-elf set out crystal champagne flutes, looking excited. She poured a “Stop smirking,” snapped Granger. Oops.
generous measure of rosé champagne into every one. “If this heals crooked, half of your teeth will only chew empty air,” scolded
“What kind of cocktail?” asked Pansy, observing the proceedings. Granger. “I don’t think you’d fancy a liquid diet.”
“I call it champagne di amore,” said Theo. “There’s nothing Italian about it -- I just Draco would have suggested that he could give her a few spurts of a liquid diet, if
thought it sounded sexy.” she was amenable, but alas, he couldn’t talk.
Pansy propped her elbows onto the bar to watch and was joined there by Patil. “Almost done,” said Granger, with far less tetchiness in her voice now that he was
Granger looked a combination of curious and cynical, and kept her distance. behaving himself (as far as she was concerned, anyway).
Theo pulled out a small vial and held it up. “The secret ingredient. Let’s see how She waved a final diagnostic into existence and brushed her fingertips along his
well you lot remember your potions.” cheek as she studied it, tilting his head left, then right.
He poured the vial into the bowl of white mousse. Steam sizzled upwards in “Perfect,” she said, with evident satisfaction. “Quite as good as new. You may
graceful spirals. “That’s Amortentia!” gasped Patil. resume talking.”
“Messing about with controlled substances, are we?” asked Draco. She gave him a gentle sort of pat along the jaw. It was the kindest touch he’d felt in
“You're a cheeky little thing, Theo,” said Flint. years. He was completely hard.
“Mm. Amortentia gives it a certain--” Theo’s mouth squeezed into the pucker of a He was an absolute disgrace.
Brit about to speak French “--Je ne sais quoi. Well below the threshold for an actual Granger toddled off to wash her hands.
dose of Amortentia, of course -- just enough to taste positively delicious.” Unlike Madam Pince, she did not make it a habit to observe his bulge. Which was
“We’re microdosing on Amortentia?” asked Granger with a raised eyebrow. excellent, because right now, it was... rather bulgy.
“Only if you’d like to,” said Theo. He added a dollop of the white foam to each Draco glanced down to find that his untucked shirt camouflaged the worst of it.
champagne flute. "Don't worry, Doctor -- in these minute concentrations, you won’t He disengorged himself with a wand wave and proceeded to sit there, on the side
fall in love with me. It's merely a flavour enhancer.” table, feeling like the world’s most reprehensible man.
“Foolish of you to assume we aren’t already in love with you,” said Zabini. Which normally wouldn’t bother him.
Theo blew him a kiss. But Granger was so fucking -- pure-souled -- and -- and, just, fuck. Granger came
back to the salon with a brisk determination in her stride.

432 | Theo’s Party Twenty-eight | 461

 After studying the schema from several angles, she said that she wanted to be The row of champagne flutes sparkled pink and white. Theo, his tongue poking
particularly careful healing this one, to make sure it was realigned properly and didn’t out between his teeth as he concentrated, added a curl of some kind of citrus garnish
affect his bite. to each. “Voilà!”
Good. Finally. Be careful. Be slow. Be close. “Ooh,” said Pansy, taking hers, and passing the other to Longbottom.
Granger cleared off one of the side tables for Draco to sit upon. Zabini wiggled his eyebrows and he and Patil took theirs. They touched glasses.
“Pretty,” she commented as she moved an ornate hourglass out of the way. Flint downed his in a single swallow. “Mmm. Let’s have another.”
“Do you think so? It’s my great great Uncle Snodsbury.” “They’re meant to be savoured, you great lout,” said Theo.
“I’m sorry?” “What? Are we rationing champagne?” asked Flint.
Draco flipped over the hourglass to demonstrate. “He wanted to be cremated and “Why are we rationing champagne?” gasped Pansy. “Is there a war?”
still be of use.” Flint leaned over the bar and said, in a loud whisper, “Make me another and I’ll tell
“...Charming.” you what mine tasted like.”
Draco sat on the side table. Granger stood between his knees and took his face in Theo grew flustered. Pipsy passed out the remaining flutes of champagne.
her hands. Draco’s scotch-induced languor gave way to apprehension mingled with a
This was good, thought Draco as he looked up at her. Very good. paralysing fatalism. Apprehension for what was to come, and fatalism because he
Granger said that she knew it was going to be horribly difficult, but she needed knew, deep down in his quashed heart of hearts, what was to come.
Draco to keep his mouth closed for an entire six minutes. Pipsy gave Draco his flute of champagne di amore. He stepped away from the bar
This was fine by Draco. He was going to luxuriate, instead. and concealed himself behind the convenient land mass that was Flint.
Granger enlarged the diagnostic image and got to work with wand movements He stared at the gently bubbling concoction. Ridiculously, his heart was racing.
slow and precise. Both her fingers and her wand were warm on his jaw. Draco closed He did not need to smell it to discover what was going to greet him. The fatalism
his eyes and sighed, as though he were only sighing and not, you know, breathing in grew heavy; the inevitability of it was a slow horror.
Granger just out of the shower. Soap, squeaky clean skin. What a pity that he couldn’t He held the delicate flute to his face, feeling the fizz of champagne on the tip of his
lean forwards and press his face between her breasts and inhale. nose.
Draco’s conscience twinkled irritatingly into existence to point out that Granger He took a breath. And there it was: coffee, brine-filled air, antiseptic. And now
had just undergone a traumatic kidnapping and was now healing him, and all he there were more complex undercurrents to it -- of shampoo, adventure dust,
could think of was her tits? He was beastly. He was a disgrace. Sauternes. The smell of a candle just burnt.
Draco weighed the allurements of Granger against the burden of good behaviour. Granger in a glass.
He decided that he was indeed beastly, and a disgrace, and fuck good behaviour, he Fuck.
would think about tits all he liked. Draco cleared his throat, glanced about, and tried to look Unconcerned.
Granger shifted her weight from one foot to the other. He felt a brush of Granger was now stepping forwards to take hers from the house-elf. On her face
movement on the inside of his knee. A slow-moving pleasure flowed through him. was a look of noble dread, as of a queen walking to the guillotine.
She drew her wand tip along his jaw in deliberate lines, muttering an incantation After taking the flute, she held it at waist height, well away from her face, and
that made things feel tighter throughout his mandible. turned to chat with Patil.
Also, things were feeling tighter in his trousers. He should probably do something Patil was distracted by a squabble between Flint and Theo. Granger visibly steeled
about that. Think about maths, or something. herself. Draco watched as she lifted the glass to her face.

460 | The Viking Twenty-Seven | 433

She breathed in and looked stricken -- as though some ghastly thing had just been Granger, happily unaware of Draco and his fluttering crotch, dismissed a few of
confirmed. She hardly had time to collect herself when Pansy turned to her. “Have the schemata and made an inventory of his ailments.
you tried yours?” Granger, tight about the jaw, gave Pansy a restricted sort of smile and These consisted of a black eye, two broken ribs, a sprained knee (the bad one -- of
took a sip. course), and a fractured jaw.
“And?” asked Theo. She was pleased to inform Draco that he hadn’t ruptured a bollock.
“Delicious,” said Granger in a strangled voice. She went off to wash her hands. Then she came back and got Healery -- serious
When the group’s focus had moved elsewhere, Granger stared at the flute as and focused, with a certain authority in her bearing. “Right. Let’s get you properly
though she was pondering spilling its contents onto the floor. fixed up. We’ll begin with those ribs. Take off your shirt.”
She did not look at Draco. Draco tried not to look too delighted at the opportunity.
Longbottom held his champagne under his nose and sighed. “My wife after a He was instructed to lie down on the sofa, which he did, happily. He put his hands
shower.” behind his head (because it was comfortable, but also because it made his pecs pop, as
Zabini sniffed his. “I’m getting -- mm. Ginger.” a bonus for Granger). (Also, he had a rippling six pack. She was free to notice that,
“Emotional stability,” said Patil, inhaling hers with a laugh. “And bergamot.” too.)
“Damp grass,” said Pansy. Granger was less interested in revelling over the Apollonian perfection before her
“A fire in late winter,” mused Theo. than in muttering about Lars the Arse between incantations. Draco felt the pressure
“Leather,” said Flint. of her wand at his side and his cracked ribs became whole again, one after the other,
“Oooh,” said everyone. with a muffled snap.
“Sloe gin,” said Granger, but she was lying. Granger passed him his shirt. Her professionalism and efficiency were, frankly,
“Fresh-picked lavender.” abominable. Draco put his shirt back on because Granger, dangling it between two
“Mint. And -- crushed basil.” fingers, was now wiggling it at him impatiently.
“Orange peel,” lied Draco. Next was his injured knee. Draco offered to take off his trousers. No, said Granger,
“Masala chai.” he could just roll up his trouser leg.
Beastly.
“Nougat.”
Draco rolled up his trouser leg. She healed his knee. Next was his black eye, which
Theo topped them up with more champagne and the crowd dispersed. The ladies
took all of a moment. Draco cogitated. Perhaps he ought to have allowed himself to be
lingered at the bar. Pipsy snapped her fingers and started a fire in the salon’s fireplace,
beaten to a pulp to give Granger more trouble and more reasons to strip him down.
which the men gathered around. They pulled a few chairs in close for some cosy
philosophising. In a further foray into madness, he thought that perhaps he should have ruptured
a bollock. Finally, Granger came to his fractured jaw.
Draco threw himself upon a chair in an attitude suggestive of careless elegance and
manly athleticism, in case Granger looked his way. A glowing rendition of Draco’s skull floated in the air between them. It was very
handsome and shapely, with cheekbones quite as nice as the Magdalene’s.
They talked of travel. Draco sipped his drink.
Along the mandible, a crack glowed in red. Granger took in a little breath.
“Draco is doing it right,” said Theo with an approving look.
“It’s bigger than I thought,” said Granger.
“Doing what right?” asked Draco.
“Savouring.” “I’ll be gentle,” said Draco.
Granger laughed, then regained control of herself and gave him a look that was
deeply unimpressed.

434 | Theo’s Party Twenty-eight | 459

 Now he found himself surrounded by the green glow of diagnostic spells as It was true; he was. The champagne was bliss in a glass. The Amortentia was so
Granger began to examine him. lightly dosed that it felt like memories on his tongue, rather than tastes. It lured feelings
He looked about at the pictographs teeming with cryptic meanings. out from behind the quashing and made him want to revel in them.
“You’re a useful witch to have around,” said Draco. There was a leisurely sort of misery accompanying the bliss. It made him aware that
“You’re a decent sort of wizard yourself,” said Granger. “Thank you. For today. he wanted things. Not just obvious Granger things -- but deeper things.
Again.” The conversation moved back to travel plans and Draco was left to savour.
“Absolutely brilliant move, pulling those pucks of yours out.” He looked at Longbottom and found himself, for the first time in his life, envious
“Exceptionally glad you had a knife. Was going to throw you the scalpel.” of the man. He wanted what this plonker had. He wanted to be wanted. Not for his
Granger fell quiet for a bit as she studied the diagnostics. Then she said, “I’m not name or his money or his looks, but for being a decent, occasionally stupid, man. He
very fond of being a damsel in distress.” wanted someone to twirl his hair and do his bow ties. He wanted someone to grasp
“You aren’t very good at it, either. I’ve never seen one open a femoral artery with his hand and pull him onto dance floors, and into bathrooms for quickies, and along
such sublime exactitude.” the path of life.
“He was beautifully positioned for it.” It was a yearning, as delicious as it was painful.
There was a silence. Her hands were steady as she flicked her way through a few He Occluded before he could fall too far into besotted, self-pitying despair. (He
more diagnostic spells. didn’t need the Carthusians and their devious torments; armed with a glass of
“You’re feeling all right?” asked Draco. Amortentia champagne, he could amply torture himself.)
“About what? Slicing a man open?” Talk now turned to Theo’s plans for a vineyard.
“Yes. And -- everything.” “Draco hasn’t given us his usual grain of salt,” said Zabini. “I think it’s going to be
“At the moment, I am more angry than anything else. The opimum is palliating an utter failure.”
the rest. You?” “Draco is Preoccupied tonight,” said Flint.
“Fine. Eager for revenge. Plotting Larsen’s accidental death when I interrogate him. “I’m savouring,” said Draco.
Fantasising about Greyback’s violent murder at my hands. You know. Fine.” “Let him savour,” said Theo, flinging a protective arm across Draco’s chest.
Granger gave him a sidelong look. “Doesn’t fantasising about murder weaken Ideal locations for Theo’s vineyard were batted about; some favoured France,
one’s moral fibre?” some, Italy, some argued for exotic locales like distant California. Draco released his
“I haven’t a single moral fibre to speak of.” barrier of Occlusion as his emotional turbulence subsided.
“Haven’t you?” The three witches wandered towards the fire in a tiddly meander, arms hooked
“No. I gave them all to the orphans.” into one another’s. Patil was passing a finger through Granger’s curls. “May I form a
Granger paused. She turned away, laughed into her hands, then breathed and parasocial relationship with your hair? It’s got so long.”
faced him again. “Stop being silly. We have work to do.” “Only if I can with yours,” said Granger, looping Patil’s plait around her palm. “I
No. He would not stop being silly. He liked to see her laugh. It gave him a fluttery positively love it.”
feeling. Also, that post-adrenaline randiness was awakening, and the Granger-induced “Ladies, join us,” said Zabini.
fluttery feeling kept wanting to descend to his groin. “Shh,” said Flint, leaning forwards with interest. “Don’t interrupt. I want to see
Steady on, old boy. where this goes.”
But it was too late. Granger and Patil disentangled themselves from one another
and where it was going would remain a tragic mystery.

458 | The Viking Twenty-Seven | 435

 Pansy observed the gathered wizards with crossed arms and a cocked hip. “Join In attacking Granger as she left King’s Hall, her kidnappers had made use of her
you? You’ve pulled up precisely enough chairs for your five shapely arses.” only real vulnerability -- the sole moment when she wasn’t surrounded by wards,
“I’ll conjure--” began Longbottom. stepping out of the Hall to Disapparate. Shacklebolt said that he would have a word
“No,” said Theo. He gestured towards the laps of the various gentlemen around with Magical Transport to have a Floo hearth installed in Granger’s laboratory, so that
the fire. “There’s loads of space.” she would never have to leave King’s Hall’s protective walls again.
Pansy, smirking, strode towards Longbottom with an exaggerated sway in her hips, Greyback was playing an entirely new game, now. Under the weight of Shacklebolt
and collapsed onto him with an ease that spoke of years of familiarity. and Tonks’ wild-eyed stares, Granger agreed, with obvious pain, to drop her shifts at
The small, jealous barb prickled at Draco’s heart. Patil slipped onto Zabini’s knee. St. Mungo’s A&E. If Larsen had been bold enough for a daytime kidnapping at
And Granger? Granger was going for her wand, and was a moment away from Trinity, there was now a real possibility that Greyback would be bold enough to stage
conjuring a chair, when Theo called her courage into question by saying, “You something at A&E.
mustn’t be afraid of Draco, you know. He is quite domesticated. I’m sure he won’t Tonks said she would advise the Danish Auror Office of Larsen’s attack,
bite.” laboratory, and repugnant plans. She, Potter, and Weasley left to pump Larsen full of
The look that Granger levelled at Theo was combustive in nature. “Afraid? Of Veritaserum and extract whatever information he might have on Greyback’s most
him?” And then, drunk and bursting with bravado, she strode towards Draco, recent location.
dropped herself into his lap, and made him hold her champagne while she arranged Draco rose to join them, but Tonks categorically forbade it, snapped at him to sit
her skirts. down, and told him not to be a martyr -- he’d bloody well done enough for one day.
Granger was in his lap. Granger was in his lap. “If you’re going anywhere, it’ll be St. Mungo’s,” she said, eyeing Draco’s various
Draco wanted to die. injuries. “I’ll take care of him,” said Granger.
Also, he resolved to kill Theo for the third time that evening. He would ask Zabini The summit meeting dissolved.
for Nundu venom, when he acquired it.
Granger had seated herself across his legs, her bum on his thighs, her feet crossed at
the ankles off to the side. This offered Draco an excellent view of her profile, including Draco and Granger showered and reconvened in one of the smaller salons, both a bit
the side of a breast, clad in clingy black fabric, precisely at eye level. Draco averted his worse for the wear. Draco was limping (“That collossal fucker was so heavy, I think
eyes to find something safer to look at. His gaze landed lower, where the slit of her I’ve ruptured a bollock”).
dress exposed her thigh, right there, near his crotch. Henriette and Tupey hovered anxiously, offering tea, more opimum, and
Unsafe. He looked at Longbottom’s shoes instead. chocolate, until they were gently shooed out.
Granger was -- warm. Hot, even. Granger and Draco took stock of their injuries. Mostly contusions for Granger,
“Do you bite?” asked Granger. where she’d been thrown about and grabbed at and kicked. Wrists, arms, jaw.
“On request,” said Draco, with a slow smile. The sight of the marks made Draco vacillate at the edge of a sudden descent into
Nothing wrong with a bit of recreational flirting. His friends would think it odd if rage.
he didn’t, really. Something of it must have shown in his face. Granger gave him a kind of
It threw her. Draco filed this away as a new method of Bothering Granger, though disconcerted look and healed herself with a few quick passes of her wand.
its exploration seemed fraught with danger for the Botherer as well as the Botheree. The contusions were gone. The rage remained. Draco bound it up tightly and
Granger plucked her drink out of Draco’s hand. Theo, satisfied with the tucked it away.
arrangements, turned away to continue to be a nuisance elsewhere.

436 | Theo’s Party Twenty-eight | 457

 “What?!” “Does Theo know about your anaesthesia-induced flights of fancy, or was this
“He needs to understand how you targeted the virus because -- they are trying to coincidence?” asked Granger.
develop -- some kind of countermeasure to you -- Larsen’s lab is trying to produce -- a “Sheer coincidence -- I can assure you I did not share those thoughts with the
strain of lycanthropy that can be used to infect others at any time, not only at the full class.”
moon. That’s why he needed to understand how you’d done it. They're -- they're “Dreams really do come true.”
trying to weaponise it.” Draco pulled out of Larsen’s mind. “In the most unexpected ways,” said Draco, before retreating to safer territory.
He and Granger stared at one another. The cracks of Apparitions resonated “Was Henriette a terrible bully?”
around them. “Yes. Very insistent on the black.” She would be, the meddlesome little scamp.
“I don’t think so,” came the voice of Tonks. Draco could smell Granger’s shampoo, but he didn’t know if it was coming off
One of the Petrified men, still half-paralyzed, was dragging himself out of the her, or the flutes of Amortentia champagne fizzling in their hands.
house, one hand clutching his wand. Tonks’ combat boot crushed his fist into the This was fine.
floor. He was not going to get hard just because a woman was on his knee.
“Get her out of here,” said Tonks. He was an Adult.
Granger insisted upon collecting her pucks. Then, arm in bloody arm, they Theo was now insulting Zabini’s taste in wine. Patil joined in with glee; apparently,
Apparated to the Manor. this had been a source of previous argument, and she had an arsenal of witticisms at
the ready.
Granger was studying Theo with a perilous sort of glint in her eye. “Turn him into
At the Manor, Draco and Granger wiped the blood from their faces and held a a cockroach,” suggested Draco.
summit meeting “I may.”
with Tonks, Shacklebolt, Potter, and Weasley. There was much hugging of Granger “What's this about cocks?” asked Flint.
and clapping of Draco's shoulders (he dodged the hugs). “Cockroaches,” said Draco.
After the expected expostulating and fussing, the six of them settled in around a “Who is talking about cocks?” asked Pansy.
pot of opimum to debrief on the incident. “Draco,” said Flint.
Larsen and Greyback’s plans were a shock to all. There was Greyback’s usual “Typical,” said Pansy.
vindictive form of madness, then there was this -- a concerted effort to spread a cruel “Granger is going to turn Theo into a cockroach,” said Draco.
disease on a massive scale and kill any of the researchers remotely able to work out a “You can do that?” asked Zabini.
cure. It was well beyond the scope of what any of them had thought him capable of.
“Obviously,” said Granger.
“Buy me time until December,” said Granger, pale-faced.
Theo raised his glass with a wary look at Granger. “Cheers -- just what I wanted: a
Draco learned that Granger had been Stunned immediately upon exiting King’s new phobia.”
Hall, which explained why he hadn’t had the slightest hint from the ring on her
“Very Kafkaesque,” said Patil. “You’ll have to write a book about your experience.”
predicament. Goggin and the DMLE operatives had taken five men down before
“These philistines won’t grasp that reference,” sniffed Theo. “Excuse me; I’ve got
they were overwhelmed by their opponents’ numbers. Goggin was at St. Mungo’s,
to go refill my drink and incidentally flee Hermione’s vicinity.”
recovering from the same nasty evisceration curse that Larsen had attempted on
“She can do it at range,” called Draco to Theo’s retreating back.
Draco.

456 | The Viking Twenty-Seven | 437

 He felt the shake of Granger’s withheld laugh as Theo’s strides accelerated away. “I need to know why.”
The talk turned back to wine. Zabini mounted a fairly sound defence of Vermentino. Draco flung cuffs on the man and tightened them without mercy.
Granger was on his lap. They sent a small menagerie of Patronuses out, summoning mediwitches, Potter
Draco tried not to think about it. and Weasley, whoever was at Auror HQ, and Tonks.
He gave an opinion on tannins. While Granger stabilised the man, Draco snatched him by the beard and snapped
He felt warm under the collar. He loosened his bow tie. his head back, swiped his wand at him to open his eyes, and spat, “Legilimens.”
From the bar across the room, Theo shouted: “Right! The practise!” In his half-dead state, the Viking’s Occlumency softened. Draco gasped out his
Which wasn’t at all what Draco had been going for, but all right. findings to Granger as he went.
Granger started. “Oh! I think I’ve already forgotten everything.” “Right -- what does this arsehole want from you -- two things -- first he wanted to
She drew closer to Draco with a tipsy sort of focus. She had done a smoky thing scour your brain for information on anyone else who might be working on magical
around her eyes that made them even more fally-inny. Draco therefore did not look at immunotherapy, or even Muggles who might be able to help magical researchers. And
her. He admired the ceiling. He felt a slight tug here and there at his neck as Granger secondly--”
mucked about with his bow tie. Draco encountered a denser Occlusive barrier. He struggled against it, then
“Wait,” muttered Granger, “that’s -- no -- wrong way.” decided to take a shortcut by squeezing at Larsen’s throat until it faded away.
Granger’s fingers were careful around his scar as she undid whatever she had just “Secondly, when he heard that you were developing a treatment for lycanthropy, he --
done. Draco indulged in a brief daydream wherein she continued to undo things, first he didn’t believe it -- it was impossible -- and then he wanted to understand how
starting with the rest of his buttons, and then, him. you’d isolated the virus to target it in the first place -- he hasn’t been able to it isolate it,
His cock began to take an interest in the proceedings and twitched at him. himself--”
Brilliant. “How did he hear about it?” asked Granger. “And why is he trying to isolate it?”
Granger stared at the bow tie tangle and sighed. “Bugger. I’ve got no idea where I “Give us a minute,” said Draco, working through disjointed threads of memories
am.” to find answers. “He wanted to gain enough of your trust to meet you somewhere
Draco didn’t either, so that was fine. alone to read you and understand how you’d done it. You were too careful -- too
Granger hiccoughed, shuffled deeper into his lap, and started over. He waited for guarded, so he -- offered to work with you so he could get in behind the scenes. He felt
his brain to suggest a droll remark, but all it proposed was: glurkk. me read him in the café -- didn’t want a confrontation -- decided to prune off other
Draco was much obliged. If she shuffled closer and did much more wriggling, he researchers before coming back to you. Discovered that your protection measures had
would soon be providing Granger with the Hard Evidence she so craved. been ramped up -- has been watching King’s Hall for weeks -- gathered today’s group
to kidnap you -- was going to use Legilimency to learn how you’d isolated the virus, or
Distantly, he registered words of encouragement from Longbottom to Granger.
torture it out of you -- and then -- fucking arsehole -- then kill you.”
“Done!” said Granger.
“But why?”
Longbottom inspected it and said it was a proper bow tie, this time.
“I’m getting there.” Draco plunged deeper into Larsen’s mind, where involuntary
Granger conjured a mirror for Draco to give his judgement.
Occlusion lingered the thickest, in spite of the man’s near-unconsciousness. “He wants
All he really took in was his own reflection, dark-eyed, with a flush of pink across
to kill anyone working in this field because he -- doesn’t want a cure. For lycanthropy.”
the top of his cheekbones. Also, he had a hair out of place.
He shattered another barrier, in the deepest part of Larsen’s brain, where all of his
“Eight out of ten,” said Draco. “Hold that there for me, darling, I’ve got to fix
most precious secrets were kept. “Bloody hell, he’s a -- he’s a fucking werewolf. Fuck!
this.”
He’s working with Greyback -- Greyback told him about you.”

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 In a kind of slow motion, he saw a small hand appear beside Larsen’s thigh. In the Granger was not a darling. She gave him a look that was cutting. He fixed his hair
small hand glinted a scalpel. just in time; she transformed the mirror into a concave monstrosity that made him
Larsen’s fist began its downward trajectory. Time slowed to a crawl. With loving look like the Skrewt.
precision, the scalpel was pressed deep into the upper part of Larsen’s thigh and Zabini sauntered off to find Theo, followed by Patil.
dragged down the length of his femoral artery. “I suppose I’ve improved, at least,” said Granger, but it was clear that it rankled in
The descending fist paused. Larsen’s trousers split along the cut. There was a her swotty soul that she had not achieved top marks.
gorgeous gush of blood. “It’s rather fun to teach you something, for a change.”
Time accelerated again. Larsen turned with a snarl and knocked Granger to the “There’s loads I’d like you to teach me.”
floor. She tumbled away. “Oh?”
The damage was done. Larsen staggered to his feet -- a mistake. The long wound “That magic detection spell,” said Granger in a low voice. “The one you used at my
disgorged what looked like a pint of blood. cottage.”
Draco’s vision cleared. Granger was on her knees, two of the wands clutched to her Draco said, in an equally low voice, “Only if you teach me that runic command --
chest. She was reaching for the third. the one you used on the arrows.”
Larsen kicked her away and snatched up the remaining wand. Then he took her by Granger thought about it, a finger on her lip. Then she came in closer, smelling
the arm and heaved her up. Draco’s heart stopped -- she looked so fragile, so breakable delicious, and whispered: “Fine. But you’ve got to teach me the geodesic warding spell,
as she dangled before finding her feet. in exchange.”
The Viking staggered for the door, bleeding profusely, dragging Granger along, There was nothing titillating about geodesic warding spell, and yet, Draco found
evidently planning on making an escape. himself clenching his jaw to suppress a shiver as the words ran across his ear and went
Draco disagreed with Larsen’s plan, which he indicated by throwing himself straight to his groin. He was half-hard.
towards him, knife in hand, and severing his stupidly thick Achilles tendons, first his Draco had one final request, so private that he gestured Granger in even closer.
left, then his right. One of her curls brushed across his mouth as she leaned in.
Granger pulled her arm from Larsen’s grip as the man fell to his knees. “Then you’ve got to teach me The Computer,” said Draco.
The Viking looked over his shoulder, at the knife and the scalpel, and at the long Granger gasped. “You extortionist.”
smear of his own blood, red-black on the grimy floor. “I know.”
He half crawled, half fell out of the door. He did not know it, but it put him just “You’ll have to produce a better bargaining chip; The Computer’s secrets are too
outside of Granger’s perimeter. powerful.”
Draco, still on his hands and knees, threw the knife. Clutching at his wand with his “Oh? I’ll have a think about something else to offer.”
bloodied hand, Larsen opened his mouth to Disapparate. The knife hit him in the Granger ran a hand down her arm. She had goosebumps. Which was wickedly
shoulder. He grunted, raised the wand again weakly -- and then his jaw went slack. He satisfying, but also, potentially, A Problem. These paedagogical matters having been
-- finally -- fell unconscious, in a pool of his blood. negotiated and settled, each took a sip of their champagne.
Draco and Granger both scrambled to their feet and joined him outside the Draco glanced about and was pleased to discover that no one was paying attention
perimeter. Draco pulled to them. Flint was explaining to Longbottom that he was banned from Fortescue’s.
Larsen’s wand out of his hand; Granger passed him his own. Draco hadn’t caught the rest of the tale, which might ordinarily have interested him,
“He mustn’t die,” cried Granger, kneeling next to Larsen, Healing spells aglow at but these were not ordinary times. Pansy was dozing on Longbottom’s shoulder.
the tip of her wand.

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 Flint muttered that he was desperate for a slash and rose. Longbottom carried He lashed out with the knife. Larsen ducked away at the last moment and lost an
Pansy to one of the sofas. Granger swirled the remainder of her champagne and ear instead of his life.
watched the pink liquid fizz. They separated. Draco found it difficult to catch his breath -- something was not
“Orange peel,” she said, looking pensive. sitting correctly in his ribcage. Larsen touched at the side of his head and looked at his
“What about it?” asked Draco. bloody hand in wonder. The flap of flesh that had been his ear was on the floor.
“What happened to your toffee and coffee?” They stared at each other. Draco sorely missed his Legilimency.
“What happened to your expensive cologne?” Larsen snarled and launched himself at Draco again. Draco landed a kick at his
“You were lying.” solar plexus that should have put him on his knees.
“So were you.” It did not. It slowed him for a moment, then he switched tactics, focusing on
“Why?” seizing the knife from Draco’s hand. Draco saw an opening for a clean hook and seized
“Why were you?” it, his fist smashing into the man’s eye. He felt the precise outline of Larsen’s eye socket
“I suppose it’s -- quite private.” against his knuckles, felt a kind of grinding.
“Yes.” That punch would’ve thrown any other man on his arse, but not the Viking. He
Granger, swaying a little in Draco’s lap, downed the rest of her champagne. She shook it off and lunged again for the knife. Draco welcomed his groping hand with
swallowed. A drop lingered on her lip, which she wiped away with the tip of a finger. the point of the knife and pushed it through his palm.
Glurkk. Larsen snatched his hand away and swung in with an uppercut with the other,
Draco looked away until it was safe, and then back again. Now her face was close to only partially dodged by Draco.
his. Her gaze was soft, tipsy, dreamy. It clipped Draco on the jaw. He saw stars.
“I hate that this tastes so good,” said Granger. She looked devastated by it. Sexily If Larsen landed a single solid punch, this fight was over. The Viking was a beast.
devastated. She pressed her fingertip between her lips. Draco finished his own They broke apart. Larsen held his punctured palm to the side. Draco shook his
champagne to distract himself. Granger’s gaze flitted to his mouth and back up again. head to knock his brain back into place. Black spots swam in his vision.
“I positively loathe mine. If that is -- any comfort,” said Draco. Hand to hand combat was exhausting. After these long sixty seconds of fighting,
“Strangely, it is.” Larsen should’ve been like Draco, panting, shaking with exertion. He was hardly
Draco shifted under the pretence of -- getting more comfortable, or something. winded.
Granger slid in closer as a result. He could feel the swell of her breast against his chest. They came together again. Draco crunched a fist into Larsen’s mouth. The Viking
The mass of her hair was trapped between them and tickled at his neck. was thrown off course and spun away.
And there was the Granger gravitational force -- the falling-towards, the drawing- Now he was angry. He spat out teeth. He lunged -- outrageously quickly, for such a
in. Her mouth was two inches from his. Her eyes were warm. He could slip a hand large man -- and managed to kick the knife out of Draco’s hand.
behind her neck and -- gods, from the way she was leaning, he wouldn’t even have to They both dove for it. Draco realised, as Larsen wrestled him into the ground, that
pull her in, she would just fall into him, and it would be -- it would be -- the man hadn’t wanted the knife. He had wanted Draco within reach of his
Granger blinked and breathed out and drew back. It would be a bad idea. Yes. monstrous bulk.
“I have had too much to drink and am not thinking clearly,” said Granger, but it Draco was pinned. Larsen was on him, a hand at his neck, pressing every pound of
sounded like she was declaring it to herself, rather than to Draco. his hideous weight into it. Draco’s vision began to swim. Larsen raised his fist.
“I have never thought less clearly in my life,” said Draco. Draco was dead.

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 “Confrigo!” shouted Moore, jabbing his towards him, too. “Crucio!” Nothing Granger sat up straighter. The warmth in her eyes was extinguished. She was
happened. Occluding.
Looking bewildered, Larsen switched to Draco’s wand -- “Decapio!” -- then to Draco followed suit. It was probably the right thing to do. Righter than a full on
Granger’s -- “Stupefy!” -- to no effect. snog in the middle of Theo's party, anyway.
“What the fuck is wrong--” said Moore, pointing his useless wand at Draco. Draco They looked about to find that they were alone. All of the chairs were empty.
plucked the wand from Moore’s hand, as he was conveniently offering it to him. He Granger had been sitting on his lap under the weakest of pretences, but now, there
plunged it into Moore’s eye to the hilt. was absolutely no reason for it.
There was some spurting of vitreous gel. Moore pitched forwards with a strangled There were voices from the Floo hearth just outside the salon. People were getting
scream. Draco stepped onto the back of his head and did not remove his weight until ready to leave.
he felt the tip of the wand pierce the man’s skull and press against the bottom of his With a sudden panicky vigour, Granger sprung off of Draco’s lap. She strode to
boot. the bar, where she asked Pipsy for an ice water, which she promptly downed. Then
That was for Granger. she dropped the glass onto the bar and, stiff-backed, stared at nothing. Pipsy asked if
He stepped over him and turned to Larsen. He and the Viking sized each other up. everything was all right, Miss? Granger, in a tight voice, said that everything was fine.
The biggest man that Draco had sparred with was Goggin. This man made Draco waited for long enough to ensure the dissipation of any hard evidence and
Goggin look like a pubescent boy. Draco was wise enough to know that he was then walked to the group at the Floo. The Occlusion helped with the general air of
physically outmatched. In any other situation, he would have retreated. The right insouciance he wished to convey as he joined in with the goodbyes.
move here was to flee, if only for long enough to call for reinforcements. The logical Granger joined them, looking relatively composed, and also gave her thanks and
move. The obvious move. farewells. Longbottom, carrying Pansy, disappeared into the Floo, followed by Zabini
But he would not be fleeing. He would leave Granger alone with this man over his and Patil, then Flint.
literal dead body. Draco lured Theo back into the salon under some pretext, so that Granger could
That was the problem with Somethings between Aurors and their Principals. Floo to the Manor without being heard.
Draco had a knife. Larsen had all of the advantages of superior height and weight. “You were less of a miserable bastard than usual tonight,” said Theo.
This was going to be interesting. “You’re a meddlesome little twat,” said Draco.
Larsen blinked at Draco in the penumbra. “The pilot…?” “I’m glad you had a good time.”
Right. Driessen’s memories. “I hated every moment.”
“Do not fight me,” said Larsen, raising his hands. “I will let you go. I only need her. Theo grinned. “Fuck off home, Draco.” Draco gave him a wave and strode to the
She is not worth what I am going to do to you.” Floo.
“She is definitely worth what I’m going to do to you.” He hoped that Granger hadn’t run off straight to bed during his chat with Theo.
Larsen dropped the useless wands and rushed in. They began a dangerous dance, They had unfinished business.
with Draco doing his best to avoid being grappled, while Larsen wanted nothing He was going to get his bloody dance.
more than to bring him into close quarters and beat him out with superior mass.
Draco positioned himself between Larsen and Granger, who was huddled into a
corner, her heart racing through the ring. Draco stepped out of the Floo to find Henriette assisting Granger with a delicate
Larsen came in too close. Draco sliced a pretty line across his face. A punch dusting off of her gown. Henriette cleaned Draco off, too, then bid them both
intended for Draco’s throat hit him in the chest. He felt something crack. goodnight, an annoying sort of twinkle in her eye.

452 | The Viking Twenty-Seven | 441

 “Right,” said Draco, straightening his bow tie. Draco waited for his opening -- he would only have one. They were closer to
“Good that you’re still here.” Granger looked guarded. Granger than to him, now, and too far for him to seize one of the wands from Larsen’s
“Why…?” fist.
Draco took her arm and strode out of the Floo parlour. The failed Stunner was wearing off of Draco’s arm. He slid his hand to his thigh
“Where are we--” gasped Granger. holster, where his favourite knife was strapped.
“The ballroom.” A smattering of an elevated heart rate came through the ring -- and then a flutter of
“But wh--” fear. Granger was waking up. As her abductors grappled with each other, one of her
“I want a proper dance.” hands shifted towards her pocket. She kept her head hanging as though she was still
“But we--” unconscious.
“No. That was rubbish.” Now, amongst the stomping boots of the arguing men, Draco could see
Granger mounted no further objections but allowed her drunken self to be pulled something shining in her palm. It was a stack of her anti-magic pucks.
along, looking politely confused. Oh. Oh.
Draco pushed open the ballroom’s enormous double doors. The elves kept every Granger was about to even out the playing field.
room in the Manor ready for use at a moment’s notice and the regal ballroom was no Draco waited.
exception. In the penumbra, the white marble floor shone and the multitude of With snaps of her wrist, Granger sent pucks skidding into the corners of the room,
mirrors that covered the walls sparkled. At the south end, floor to ceiling windows under rotted furniture and into dark nooks.
stretched upwards until they disappeared into shadow. One of the men noticed the movement. “What the fuck did she just do?”
Draco waved his wand at the vaulted ceilings. Eight enormous crystal chandeliers “What d’you mean?”
glowed into life, lowered, and began a slow rotation across the ceiling. Their lights “I just saw her -- I dunno -- twitch -- I think she threw something.” They crowded
reflected brilliantly off the glossy marble and the mirrors. around Granger.
Another wand-wave and the sounds of an orchestra resonated through the Larsen snatched her by the chin and pressed his wand to her temple. “Legilimens!”
ballroom. But it was too late. Draco had felt the change the moment the perimeter was
Granger gasped in that delighted, breathy, lips-parted-just-so way of hers, that gave complete -- there was a kind of extinguishing, deep within him. A sudden lack.
Draco so much pleasure. There would be no Legilimency in this room.
He felt a grin make its way onto his face. “It is quite splendid, isn’t it?” “The fuck is happening?” asked Moore.
“It is!” The lanky one pressed his hand against his chest, as though the breath had been
Draco took one of Granger’s hands in his, put the other at her waist, and began to stolen from him.
lead her through a waltz before she could get Grangery and pose too many questions, “What the—?” Draco did not give them time to work it out.
such as whether he had gone mad. He sprang to his feet, took three strides towards the group, and plunged his knife
They danced a few cautious steps. He glanced at her to see whether she was into the side of the first available neck.
planning on bolting from the lunatic -- but she was following his lead, looking wary, Then, being happily unencumbered by a sense of honour, he stabbed the next
but curious. She had looked at him this way once before, when he had charmed an man in the back. The lanky one and the peacekeeper were down. Larsen and Moore
entire cohort of Muggle doctors at that Oxford pub. It was pleasant surprise and who whipped around and backed against the wall, wands raised.
the bloody hell are you, all in one. “Expulsis visceribus!” spat Larsen, slicing his wand towards Draco.

442 | Theo’s Party Twenty-eight | 451

 There were four men left. From where he now lay on the floor, Draco could see As it had been in Provence, her waist was warm under his palm. Her hand in his
Granger, slumped against a cracked wall. She, too, looked Stunned. No obvious was gentle. She was light as they moved, and, this time, there was no treading on one
bleeding. It was a minor relief. another’s feet.
Draco’s wand was picked up by the largest figure amongst the men, who now held Draco watched their dance in the mirrors -- how her figure nestled so snugly
three -- Draco’s, Granger’s, and his own. against his, how her gown whisked in time with their movements, brushing at his legs
“Is that a bloody Auror? How the fuck is this arsehole here?” asked one of the when they turned. He indulged unrepentantly in this kaleidoscope of angles through
men. He shone a Lumos at the insignia on Draco’s cloak. which to delight in her. If he looked ahead, it was the dip between her bare shoulder
“This one must have a tracker on her,” said another in a nasally whinge, kicking at blades in the mirror there, to the left, it was the curve of her backside, if he looked
Granger. He cast a basic revelation spell, too rudimentary to reveal the ring. “Let’s strip down, it was dark eyelashes, flushed cheeks, and pink lips.
her.” She came in closer as they turned, and pressed against him, and it felt gorgeous. He
He pulled Granger off the floor with unnecessary violence, snapping her lolling didn’t let her pull away again; his hand slipped to her lower back and kept her there.
head backwards. He began to tear at the front of her jumper and stuffed one hand She looked up at him in dark wonder, then looked down, her lip between her teeth.
under it to undo her jeans. The music swelled. Around them the ballroom spun, the stars in the windows
He was going to die today. glowed, the chandeliers danced their own soft-tinkling dance and scattered splendor
“I will search her,” said the biggest figure. through the room.
That slightly accented rumble. The red-blond glint of the beard. It was a moment of enchantment, of harmony, of gleaming reverie. Their eyes
It was Larsen. were filled with lights and their ears with the crescendo of violins and their hearts with
“You always do the fun bits,” said the nasally one, his groping hand at Granger’s fly. each other.
“I want to have a go--” This -- this was what he had wanted.
Larsen grabbed the man by the back of the neck. “Moore. I said I will do it.” He raised his arm and she spun away from him, and they were joined only at the
“Get your fucking hands off me,” said Moore, dropping Granger to squirm fingers, and then she twirled back into him, so close that he felt her take her next
against Larsen’s grip. breath.
They had a scuffle. Draco watched and waited for a moment when one of the men The light was in his veins again -- the Mabon sun, incandescent, glorious, swelling
would stumble too close to him and he could steal a wand. about his heart and squeezing the very air out of him.
One of the other kidnappers attempted peacekeeping, shoving his way between Again she spun away, and this time came in with her back to him, pressed against
the two of them. “Oi oi oi. Could you two stop fucking about? Who knows how his chest, her bum against his groin. Their eyes locked in one of the mirrors, but it was
many other Aurors are on their way?” too intense to sustain and they looked away again.
“Aye,” said the lanky fourth man. “Let’s get what we need from her and go.” Now it was his turn to partake in some ill-advised lifting, which he did, with his
Moore took advantage of the distraction to land a blow to Larsen’s face. “Let me hands around her waist, sweeping her up and into the air. He spun her while she was
go, you fucking- -” aloft, taking pleasure in her gasp, in her grip on his shoulders. She flew above him with
Larsen did not react well to the hit. He backhanded Moore into a wall. Moore a squeal of surprised laughter.
pushed himself off it and launched himself at Larsen with a rageful yell. The other When he brought her down, she clung to him, laughing, the brightness of real joy
two tried to intervene, wands up, threatening to Stun both combatants. in her eyes. He felt a matching joy whose like he had never felt before. The lightness in
him was sublime.
Her arms were around his neck. She was so close to him that he wanted to explode.

450 | The Viking Twenty-Seven | 443

 The feeling was rare -- precious -- heart-rending. She was radiant. She took his Security at King’s Hall was tightened. Bemused scholars and students found
breath away. She was everything he wanted. themselves made to present credentials at the entrance, now guarded by DMLE
The lights dimmed. The music quieted. operatives. Access to the third floor, which housed Granger’s laboratory, was blocked
They stopped moving and stood in this lover’s embrace, breathing, dark-eyed, high off. The other Fellows were relocated elsewhere. Granger briefed her laboratory staff
on one another, waiting. on the threat and gave them the option to discontinue their work, with pay, until the
“Granger, I—” situation was resolved. None took it.
She looked up. He said nothing more. He was falling. Days passed in a tense, anxious blur. When he wasn’t with Granger, Draco’s
He didn’t need the ring to tell him that her heart was racing. He could feel the attention was obsessively on the ring, waiting to feel the panicked rise of her heart or
pulse of it against his chest. His thudded a matching beat, too fast, so fast it hurt. the shrill call of her distress beacon.
He was drunk on endorphins and too much good booze and too little good sense. So, of course, at the next incident, he felt neither. It was Goggin’s burly ram
Her lips were parted. She was looking at him like she could kiss him. It was -- Patronus who alerted him that there was a problem.
impossible. It couldn’t happen. Draco had been interrogating a werewolf caught at Granger’s cottage when the
Now her fingers were on his jaw. silvery ram bounded into the holding cell.
He bent towards her; the pull was too sweet. “King’s Hall,” it grunted in Goggin’s voice. “Quickly!”
Her kiss was a soft question. Draco Apparated to Cambridge to find panicky wizards and Muggles running
His answer was to squeeze her up and into him. She gasped against his lips as he about along Trinity’s quad. He fought his way to the entrance of King’s Hall, where
kissed her back. Goggin lay, sliced open from the sternum downwards, bleeding out.
Finally. Fucking finally. Beside him were the limp figures of the DMLE operatives who had been on guard
Their mouths met with the press of yearning, of too much champagne, of I hate and the bodies of five unknown wizards. Further on, a scattered pile of books. No sign
that this tastes so good. of Granger.
Only now it wasn’t Amortentia that he tasted; it wasn’t those fragrant, fabricated Feeling a horrid, inverted sense of dejà-vu, Draco sent three Borzoi streaking to the
whiffs -- it was her. It was real. And the champagne was a poor imitation, now that he Auror Office and the Mediwitch Service.
had the real thing against him, breathing staccato breaths against his mouth, winding He Disillusioned himself and Apparated to the ring. Why the fuck hadn’t she
fingers into his shirt. The Amortentia didn’t speak of the softness of her lips, of activated the distress beacon? What had they done to her?
quivering, of fingers hooked into his collar, of a witch delicious, flush-cheeked, He cracked into existence in near darkness, in the living room of a boarded-up
unsteady, pressing her smiling mouth to his. house. The silhouettes of a half-dozen men jumped in surprise as the crack of his
She shook slightly, as did he, with a euphoric mess of adrenaline and nerves and Apparition gave his arrival away.
restraint. He couldn’t see Granger and therefore dared not plough through them with
She pulled away and pressed her face into his neck. The intimacy of it sent his heart something explosive. He managed to Petrify three of them as he gathered his bearings,
into a fresh frenzy. His arms wrapped around her. She was fine-boned and delicate deflected two curses -- then he was in the crossfire of too many spells to deflect, and
and trembling deliciously. was hit by a Finite Incantatem, something concussive at his knee, and a Stupefy.
“I’m still not thinking clearly,” she said, her voice low and dusky, her words The Stunner was a glancing blow, striking him in the shoulder. His wand fell out
brushing across his scar. of his nerveless hand.
“Shall we -- shall we say it's the drink?” asked Draco in a half-whisper. Draco, seeing his wand clatter away to his opponents’ feet, feigned a collapse, as
“Yes,” breathed Granger with relief. “Let’s. We had -- a lot.” though the Stunner had hit true.

444 | Theo’s Party Twenty-eight | 449

 “We aren’t mad.” “And that’s certainly to blame for any -- any unwise behaviours.” There was the
“No. We are -- perfectly sane.” golden sound of her laughter.
Having established their vexing soundness of mind, they turned to the door. “Obviously.”
The things that had drawn them together were still at it; they brushed elbows, then They looked at each other. He thought he could die happy if her lips wet his again.
leapt away from each other as though burnt, with more apologising. And then they did.
Leaving the ballroom was an awkward jig of who would open the door and who
would go first, without touching the other.
Draco walked Granger to the grand staircase but did not follow her up.
“Aren’t you--?” asked Granger.
“No,” said Draco. “Upon reflection, I’ve decided to throw myself into the lake.”
Granger looked as though this was truly an excellent next step. “I’m going to go
scream into a pillow.”
“Good. Brilliant. Er -- do enjoy.”
“Thank you.”
Granger hurried up the stairs without looking behind her.
Draco waited until he heard her door close.
Then he said, quietly, but with all of the turbulence in his soul: “Fuck.”

The full moon was imminent.

The Ministry of Magic, attempting to balance public safety with public hysteria,
published an advisory asking the wizarding community to stay indoors during the
three nights of the hunter’s moon, due to suspected werewolf activity.
Potter, the WTF, and every available Auror spent the hunter’s moon on the hunt
themselves, and caught thirty werewolves who had positioned themselves to
transform where they could infect the most people. Seven werewolves were not
caught on time, fifteen people were infected, five succumbed to their injuries.
Granger’s work took on a new urgency. Draco’s Legilimency had never been so in
demand. But Fenrir Greyback was careful. There was nothing of use in the minds of
the captives.
The traps at the safe-houses and Granger’s cottage yielded four captures: one witch,
three wizards, all working under Greyback’s orders, and all infuriatingly unaware of
his whereabouts.

448 | The Viking Twenty-Seven | 445

 They regarded each other with mounting alarm and a desperation to assert that it
had been nothing at all. Granger, stricken, found her tongue first.
“We shouldn’t have done that.”
“No -- we shouldn’t have,” said Draco, hating how breathless he sounded.

28
Granger looked at the floor, at the mirrors, at anywhere but him. “I know that
we’re not -- erm -- I know that -- obviously, you know--”
“Yes, obviously—”
“And also -- we aren’t--”
“Yes.”
The Viking “We have a working relationship,” said Granger. “And there are strict rules about
this sort of thing. For very good reasons.”
Shameful Conduct of/ “There are. Yes. Rules. And a Code of Conduct that is unequivocal on -- on things
of this nature.”
Healing, Pleasures of “Right. Of course.”
“It was a lapse in judgement,” said Draco.
“Yes. We were both -- both under the influence. It won’t happen again. I wouldn’t

T
he dance, the lights, the music, the woman in his arms -- it was a moment of want to contravene anything and jeopardise -- this. You as my Auror and -- and
scintillating joy that would become one of Draco’s fondest memories and everything.”
produce astoundingly powerful Patronuses for years to come. “Right.”
They broke apart with a breathy, clinging regret. Granger pulled away first, then “Right,” repeated Granger.
Draco kissed her again; he felt the imminent knell of reality and wanted just one more. Draco attempted to find his insouciance. “It was the drinks. Just the drinks.”
Then he tried to pull back, but she rose to the tips of her toes and pressed her “Obviously, yes. Nothing more.”
mouth to the edge of his jaw. His hand slipped to the nape of her neck, rose petals “Nothing more,” repeated Draco.
brushed against his knuckles, she sighed against his cheek. “Good,” said Granger.
The dream of the moment began to fade. Draco ran his fingers down her side to “Shall we -- go to bed?” asked Draco.
memorise the feel of her and kissed her one last time to seal away the memory of her “Yes.”
sweet mouth. “I mean separately, of course. Go to -- beds. Plural. I mean we can leave together
They stared at each other, wet lipped, bewildered, their drunken faculties finally but go to separate beds.”
catching up to what they had done. “Right,” said Granger, nodding vigorously in the face of this critical clarification.
Reality was cold and unyielding and it hit hard. Draco’s brain, which had been, by “Yes.”
all accounts, absent all evening, returned. It asked, with violence, what the fuck he “Because we would never go to the same bed, obviously—”
thought he was doing? An Auror did not snog his Principal. “Of course not.”
Granger looked equally confounded. She took a step back. There was self- “--That would be mad.”
reproach, regret, and dread in the movement. “Yes.”

446 | The Viking Twenty-eight | 447

 Granger was wearing a negligée. But it wasn’t quite enough, was it?
This was going to be fine. Draco pushed away from the fireplace with fresh frustration. He extinguished the
Granger stood at the foot of the bed, wand in hand. She looked terribly focused, as fire with a slash of his wand and left his study with no real purpose to direct his restless
though she was calculating long division. strides.
Then, Draco, being the first class, grade A, 24-carat, right royal berk that he was, The Manor’s stately corridors were dark. A chill October wind beat itself against
said, “I don’t mind sharing the bed.” the windows and rattled branches against the house.
Granger looked conflicted. “I’m not convinced that that would be sensible.” Draco spotted movement in the shadows, coming towards him.
“It’s far too small in here to Transfigure another.” A white silhouette was at the end of the corridor. Her Lumos illuminated the floor
“I could make it work.” in front of her as she walked.
“I promise I shan’t steal the blankets.” There was a high-tailed orange blur at her ankles. Granger was letting her cat out.
“That is hardly what’s giving me pause.” She was wearing one of those negligées she had mentioned in Provence.
“What is giving you pause, then?” Draco froze where he stood. Part of him wished to pivot and flee and not subject
Granger took a moment to answer. “The Queimada.” himself to what was sure to be another torturous encounter. Two hours of brooding
“Oh? What debaucheries are you afraid of?” had not made his cock forget that afternoon’s travails. At this rate, she could probably
Her bravado was always a safe bet. It paid off. Granger narrowed her eyes at him, just brush a fingertip on his cheek and he’d be hard.
then climbed into the bed beside him and slid between white sheets. Part of him very much wanted to inspect this negligée in person and proceed with
Draco did not look down, because her negligée rode up as she did so, and it was his journey of education in, and appreciation of, Muggle fashion.
better not to. He looked at her instead. Look at him. He had just spent hours browbeating himself, and here he was,
“What?” asked Granger. vacillating, instead of doing the obvious right thing.
“It is terribly humanising, to see someone in a bed,” said Draco, his chin propped He was a hopeless wretch.
upon his hand. “I had become convinced that you were something else.” Granger jumped, a hand upon her breast, when she noticed him.
“Something else?” “Oh -- it’s you. Did I disturb you?” she asked in a whisper. “Sorry -- Crooks needs a
“A nymph, if you must know.” wee.”
Granger looked amused. “Oh?” “I was just finishing up,” said Draco in an equally low voice. If they woke the elves,
“A vindictive one. One who might Transfigure an errant man into a mushroom, there would be a fuss and offers of midnight snacks and other botheration.
or something.” “How is the pestilence of incompetence treating you?” asked Granger.
Granger scoffed and waved her wand to turn off the lights. “I can aim for bigger “Abysmally. Where do you let the cat out?”
and better things than transforming naughty men, now.” “Just through here,” said Granger.
“Oh?” She yawned into the back of her hand, looking half asleep as she led him to one of
“Mm. I know exactly where Cerridwen’s cauldron is.” the salons. He drifted in her wake. Her legs were a pale flash in the darkness. Her hair
“Dangerous.” was a mess of partially unwound plait, draped over a shoulder.
“Yes. Likewise with you and the Violet Flame.” The silky negligée clung to her hips, her bum, her breasts. She was barefoot. It was
“You’ll tell me when you’re ready for the next heist.” -- gorgeous. Tempting. Everything.
“Perhaps, when all this is over, we ought to go hunting for the Fleece.” An Auror did not shag his Principal.

500 | Samhain Twenty-Nine | 465

 But bloody hell, would he be admiring from behind. As they walked along the street, they saw versions of the drink being prepared
He watched the sway of her hips, the matching sway of the fabric, the shape of her variously in emptied-out pumpkins, or pots, or cauldrons. White-clad Galician druids
calves. The delicacy of her ankles, felt under his fingers so long ago, now -- and yet he were chanting over the Queimada and setting fire to the drink, creating gorgeous blue
still remembered the feeling, the detail of every edge and dip. flames. People were counting to three as they tipped their glasses back.
He smelled antiseptic and a struck match. He should have pivoted and fled. Some of the druids chanted in Gallego, some in Spanish. Of the latter, Draco could
Granger reached one of the terrace doors, lifted sheer curtains aside, and slid the catch snippets of phrases -- incantations about black magic, freedom from evil, and
pane open. The cat trotted out. purification.
“I’ll have a cat flap put in here,” said Draco. “If he knows this way.” A friendly druid spotted them and waved the bemused-looking foreigners over.
“Oh, that’s really not necessary.” She handed Draco and Granger a small, espresso-sized cup each, waving away their
“I’d prefer not to have you roving about at night, alone.” offer of payment.
“Tsk. The Manor is perfectly safe, or so I’ve been told. You’re the greatest threat I’ve She held up three fingers. “You must finish it in three!”
encountered in all of my nighttime rovings.” Draco and Granger each took a first sip. It was a heady drink -- hot brandy,
“Am I?” caramelised sugars, a rich aftertaste of coffee.
“Yes. You looked fearsomely irascible, just then.” The druid nodded. “The first banishes evil. Drink again.” They drank again.
“You caught me on a bad night.” “The second removes prejudice from the mind,” said the druid, tapping at the side
“Oh? Are you generally quite cheerful at half three in the morning?” of her head. “One more.”
“Relentlessly.” They finished their cups.
“Mm,” said Granger, sleepy amusement upon her lips. “The last awakens the passion in the soul,” said the druid, pressing her hands to her
She yawned into her hands again, then opened the door to see where the cat had chest. Then she said, “Blessed Samhain!” and turned away to set her cauldron on fire
got to. again.
There was a witchery in the trees, stripped of their leaves, stretching bare arms to Music began to play and the party turned raucous.
the black sky. “Have your passions been awakened?” asked Draco over the music.
The wind gusted the curtains about in a ghostly dance. With it came the “O, yes -- this is paving the way for all sorts of debaucheries,” said Granger. Draco
melancholy smell of autumn at night -- wet, heavy with something uncanny. smirked at her. She laughed and, flushed about the cheeks, looked away.
Samhain was near. The veil between worlds was growing thin. Granger shuddered They meandered back to their hotel room. Draco said he wished he’d asked for the
and slid the door shut. recipe for the drink -- the addition of the coffee beans was brilliant. Granger was more
Draco did not look down. He was one hundred percent certain that there would interested in the bits of the incantation they had heard, its provenance and history, and
be nipples visible through the negligée’s fine silk and he did not wish to know a single whether it, too, could be traced back to the ancient Celts?
sodding thing about Granger's breasts, other than the information he had already At the hotel, they each had a shower (Draco thought he still smelled of dog;
gleaned here and there. Granger said she still reeked of Draco’s cologne and it was unbearable; Draco took
He did not want to know. At all. No more details, thanks. offence and flung a pillow at her).
Draco stood, fixed in a limbo, torn between bidding her good night -- that would As midnight approached, and amongst much yawning from Granger, they
be the safest thing, the wise thing, the right thing -- and wanting to stay. That would changed into their sleeping things.
be masochistic and reckless and stupid. Draco got into bed.
Also, by the way, there was only one bed. Because, obviously.

466 | Night Encounter Thirty | 499

 They wandered through the Muggle part of the village, enjoying the Andalusian The latter won out, of course. Flagellant that he was, Draco remained. He needed
atmosphere -- the ubiquitous geraniums in their terra cotta pots, the impossibly to maintain the equilibrium -- that was all.
narrow streets, the white homes piled atop one another all higgledy-piggledy. He cast about for something to say. No ideas were forthcoming, except for
They came to a night market, where Draco was easily distracted and had to be comments about her tits.
talked out of buying a variety of Muggle objects, including a trombone, a thing called Brilliant.
a lava lamp, and an inflatable boat. Draco shook his brain about until something usable fell out, and, finally, he said:
“You do not need a boat,” said Granger, pulling Draco along and looking “The negligée is superior to the picnic rug.”
exasperated. “Don’t look so exasperated; I know you’re fond of me.” He heard Granger’s breath of amusement. “The picnic rug is being washed.” She
“Am I? Are you sure?” looked down at the negligée. “I’m pleased you approve -- it’s terribly Muggle.”
“You said so today.” Draco made eye contact with her -- a normal amount of eye contact, and no
Granger waved dismissively, but she was biting back a smile. “Slip of the tongue.” looking down -- and then looked away again. “I’ve rather begun to appreciate Muggle
“I rather like your slips of the tongue.” fashions.”
“You would.” “A moment of genuine personal development,” said Granger with solemn
They climbed a winding cobblestoned street to a mirador at the east end of the approval. “One mustn’t lie idle, you know -- one must continue to grow.”
village, a lookout from which they could see the dark Andalusian countryside, “Onwards and upwards.”
undulating gently away, and distant “Expansion.”
Málaga, and beyond that, the ink-black sea. “Transformation.”
To Draco, it seemed a good place for a bit of looking about and, perhaps, an Now Draco was concentrating so hard on the appropriate ratio of looking away to
accidental rapprochement along the railings. However, Granger decided to give an eye contact (sans tits) that he was finding the conversation difficult to follow.
unsexy accounting of some of the horrors inflicted upon heretics during the Spanish He also felt like they might be talking about penises. Again. There was a smile
Inquisition, and the moment passed. playing at the corner of Granger’s mouth.
Granger led the way to the village’s wizarding quarter to continue their exploration. Kidnap attempts notwithstanding, her time with him in the Manor was serving
It consisted of a single, narrow street, accessed by touching one’s wand to a her well. She was fuller in the face, rosier about the cheeks. Her dimple was back.
whitewashed wall that grew into an archway. “The picnic rug would make excellent donation fodder for the orphans,” said
The village’s magical inhabitants were holding a veritable party within. The street Draco.
was aglow with carved turnips, pumpkins, and what looked like real human skulls. “You always have the orphans’ best interests at heart, haven’t you?”
“I didn’t realise the Spanish celebrate Samhain,” said Draco. “What heart?” asked Draco.
Granger looked about with keen interest. “No -- listen to them -- that’s not “You have one -- it might be a little, black, shrivelled up thing, but it’s there.”
Spanish. It’s Gallego. There must be a group of them from Galicia.” “I suppose. And yes -- I am selfless that way.”
In the face of Draco’s blank look, she added, “Northern Spain. That part of the “Draco Malfoy, the salt of the earth.”
Iberian peninsula was once dominated by Celtic tribes. They still celebrate Samhain. (His name on her lips gave him a little frisson. He wanted to make her say it, again
Yes -- look! They’ve got Queimada!” and again and again, sigh it, groan it, kiss it out on his mouth.)
What was Queimada? At first, Draco was convinced that it was made of the same Draco peered out into the darkness. “How long does it take for a cat to have a
stuff as the lava lamp thingie. It was a flaming punch of some sort, aromatised by wee?”
citrus peels and coffee beans.

498 | Samhain Twenty-Nine | 467

 “He’ll be back soon. He’s getting old -- it takes him a bit, sometimes.” “No.”
“How old is he?” “Yes.” Draco laughed in disbelief.
“I’m not sure. He was probably a few years old when I got him in third year.” “No.”
“Third year? My word. You’ve had the bugger for a long time.” “Granger.”
“I have. Kneazles can live up to fifty years in captivity and he’s half one -- I’d like to “No -- it can’t have been.”
hope he’s got a few good years left.” “Yes. It must have been. I think we just met one of the greatest alchemists who ever
Granger drifted to a window that gave onto the other side of the terrace and lived. I think we just met the Comte de St. Germain.”
looked out. “Oh -- he’s hunting. Well, attempting to. My poor darling.” Granger sputtered. “No! No. How?”
Granger propped her elbows upon the window ledge to watch. “How else do you explain that collection? That must have been assembled over
And Draco, World Champion Idiot, decided to crowd in behind her to look out, centuries and centuries? The money involved?”
too. “His face was peculiarly ageless.”
Because, obviously, that was an excellent idea. Getting close to her never led to Draco’s palms pressed at his temples. “We just robbed St. Germain.”
complications. “Oh my god,” said Granger, hyperventilating anew.
The cat’s bandy-legged form was low in the grass outside, making repeated failed “I Stunned St. Germain.”
pounces at some creature or other. “I insulted his wine!”
“A mouse, do you think?” asked Granger. “St. Germain wanted kisses from me!”
“Or a shrew, or a gnome. You ought to charge me for pest control services, if he “At least he thinks you’re a good boy.”
catches anything.” “A crotchy boy--”
“Only if you charge me for my stay here.” “With bad breath--” Granger gasped for air between giggles “--He thinks you’re --
“Certainly not.” constipated!”
“Occasional life saving services and bed and board.” Granger sighed. Her breath Draco couldn’t breathe. “You -- the man is a legend! And you--! Bloody hell,
made a mist upon the cold window pane. “I am a nauseating imposition.” couldn’t you have thought of something other than constipation?”
Actually, she was a cherished presence who added a vast pleasure to life in the “Stop -- I’m going to piss myself--”
Manor. Disgustingly saccharine, that. Granger fell onto her back next to Draco on the bed and they laughed in
“Those things fall under the heading of keeping Granger safe,” said Draco. “Which exhilaration until they could laugh no longer.
is my job, while you work to cure the incurable.”
“Right. But I don’t like feeling indebted to y--” Granger interrupted herself to gasp
“--Oh! I think he caught it -- look!” Draco and Granger had made vague plans to return to the UK that very night, if they
Draco could have looked out of the window just next to her. But no -- his idiot could -- though they had both brought overnight bags, just in case.
brain desired to look out of that one. The one she stood at. Obviously. The ‘just in case’ materialised. The International Floos closed at seven o’clock in the
Sickening, how little resistance he had when he was near her. evening, but, as it happened, they lost track of time, lingering too long over tapas and
He pushed aside the curtain and leaned over her shoulder to look out. He felt the full-bodied wines.
brush of her hair against his chin. “I suppose a night in Spain won’t be the greatest hardship,” said Granger as they
The cat had something in its mouth. “...That’s a leaf,” said Draco. left the tapas bar.

468 | Night Encounter Thirty | 497

 The expression on her face when she returned to the room was -- interesting. Granger laughed. The cat strode proudly across the lawn with its prize held high.
“Well,” said Granger-Draco, emerging from the toilet. “That explains your feet.” Then it was distracted by another leaf, and dropped the first, and crouched into a
“About that definition of lar--” prowl.
Granger-Draco pointed a violent index finger at him. “Don’t.” “Oh -- he’s trying again. You needn’t stay -- this may take a bit.”
Draco cackled. “I don't mind. This is entertaining.”
When the final few minutes of the Polyjuice dose had elapsed, there was a kind of Granger looked over her shoulder at him. “Really? All right.”
melting about Granger-Draco, and Granger appeared, positively swimming in his The wind whipped around the house in fitful groans. The waxing moon glowed
clothes. above the black line of the trees, a fine silver crescent.
Draco turned around on the bed so that she could change. “You were rather good Granger’s smooth shoulder was -- so close. Draco found himself staring at it, at the
at being me -- though some of your mannerisms were a touch exaggerated.” fine strap that held up her negligée, at the wind-blown shadows that played upon her
“You make an extraordinarily convincing Borzoi.” skin.
“I do not flip my hair like that -- that was your own invention.” “You aren’t in my debt in any capacity,” said Draco, to return to the subject.
“Did you see François’ face, at the end?” “Kind of you to say so, though it doesn’t make it true,” said Granger.
“He suspected something, I know.” “Would you like us to make a list to tally things?”
“The pucks worked -- thank goodness he was only hitting you at range and didn't “Do you think I haven’t already conducted that exercise?”
try anything nastier...” “Of course you have.”
Granger, now in a lovely little summer dress, joined him on the bed. Draco noted “I know -- I’m exasperating,” said Granger.
that she hadn’t glamoured her scar. “Thank you, yes, you are. What was the outcome?”
“Did you see the Marquis’ collections?” asked Draco. “Until today, close, but in your favour; I only gave myself half a point for the
“Yes! Outrageous. I’ve never seen anything like that in my life -- nor will I ever Talfryn lead. But you’ve pulled ahead significantly with today’s life-saving.”
again. Any one of those items was worth the entire GDP of some countries.” “Have I? Excellent. I like winning.”
“Greedy bastard, isn’t he?” “Mm. Would you mind toddling off to do something moderately life-
“The book room,” sighed Granger, clutching at her breast. “He has Excalibur!” threatening?” asked Granger with a vague wave of her hand. “Choke on a Cheesy
“The mast of the Argonaut!” Wotsit, or something?”
“Persephone’s bloody pomegranate!” Draco laughed. His next breath carried the scent of her shampoo to his nose.
“Cerridwen’s cauldron! How?! Who is he?” He crept in closer, to look at the cat (obviously), who was murdering the leaf with
“I think I know,” said Draco. “And if I’m right--” extreme feline violence.
“Who?” “When I was at St. Mungo’s and having those hallucinations, I saw him fighting
“Did you see the flame? The purple one?” the Nundu,” said Draco.
“Er -- I don’t think I did.” He was close enough to feel the warmth coming off her, now, through that fine
“He closed the door as we passed it -- a violet fire in a dark room. I think -- I think it silk, and through his shirt, and against his chest.
was the Violet Flame.” Granger had gone rather still. “Did you?”
Granger gasped. “The Violet Flame?” “Yes. Over and over, in circles. He was fierce. He won, in the end.”
“Yes. That one. The one that was only ever mastered by one alchemist.”

496 | Samhain Twenty-Nine | 469

 The cat scampered off around the corner. Granger pressed her wand to the glass Then, with a look of absolute hatred towards Draco, he escorted them back to the
and sent out a Lumos, illuminating the lawn. gates, through the gardens, past the long line of stone-faced guards, and muttered out
They both leaned forward to observe the next hunt. Now he could feel the silk of a goodnight.
her negligée sliding against the fabric of his shirt. Now he could feel the brush of her The gates clanged shut behind them and shuddered with a fresh series of wards
backside against the front of his trousers. The button at his fly caught at the small of cast by the angry butler.
her back. Granger-Draco, grinning, put her arm around Draco, and Disapparated.
Maintain the equilibrium. Maintain the fucking equilibrium. He put a hand on
the window ledge.
Granger’s breath was coming a bit faster -- the faint patches that misted against the At the hotel, Draco and Granger-Draco cast silencing spells around their room and
window gave her away. proceeded to bounce about frenetically, unable to believe what they had just pulled
The feel of her was so -- pleasurable -- tempting -- ambrosial. What was it about this off.
witch? Granger-Draco was clutching at her face, pacing, and hyperventilating. Draco spun
Why were the forbidden things the sweetest? about and landed on the bed, laughing. “We fucking did it.”
“That--” began Draco, then he cleared his throat, because his voice had gone husky. “I can’t believe it,” said Granger-Draco.
“That neurotransmission cocktail you had me on, at St. Mungo’s.” “Gods, what a rush,” said Draco.
“What about it?” asked Granger, a kind of breathiness in her voice. “It lowers “We must stop stealing things before we trigger some latent kleptomania in you.”
inhibitions?” “I am truly considering a career change.”
“Yes.” Granger-Draco paused in her circular pacing and grimaced. “Right -- I desperately
“So -- people speak the truth, when they’re on it?” need a wee.”
“Of a sort. It affects certain inhibitory interneurons in the cerebral cortex.” This “So go,” said Draco, waving towards the toilet.
breathless professory voice was a new one -- Draco liked it. “It removes the usual filters. “But I’m you for -- nine more minutes,” said Granger-Draco, consulting the clock.
Most people enter a state of feel-good disinhibition.” “Oh.” Draco felt a smirk make its way upon his face. “What’s the matter? You
“So when I said I wanted to kiss you, you knew that it was true. It wasn't just -- don’t want to hold my willy?”
delirium.” “I mean--”
Granger glanced up over her shoulder at him. Her eyes were dark. Since when was “I can go in there and hold it for you, if you’d like, so you can piss with your eyes
a look between them so heavy? closed?”
She nodded. “Absolutely not,” said Granger-Draco.
“It’s a similar effect to alcohol, I suppose,” said Draco. “Are you sure?”
“A different mechanism, but yes.” “Yes. I’ll just -- make it quick. Do I sit or do I stand? I’ll sit -- I don’t want to splash
“I’ve had three Firewhiskies,” said Draco. everywhere--”
He hadn’t a sodding clue where he was going with this. She did. “Don’t be ridiculous. The entire point of being a man is to stand.”
“And,” said Granger, “do you still want to kiss me?” The world stopped spinning. Granger-Draco disappeared into the loo with a rather stiff back.
He took a moment to answer -- as though there would be any other answer than a Draco got to experience the intriguing and annoying sensation of Granger
longing-filled affirmative. touching his penis without him being there to enjoy it.

470 | Night Encounter Thirty | 495

 Draco sat in a corner, looked downtrod, and wagged his tail pathetically. “That's He brushed a fingertip at the place where her shoulder and neck met. “Yes. Just
not a bloody dog,” said François. “Finite Incantatem!” here.”
He aimed the spell squarely at Draco’s fluffy chest. “Do.”
Nothing happened. The world resumed its spinning. Too fast. His brain was a blur. What
“Frankly, François, you’ve already cast that once on the poor creature -- now he’s equilibrium? He had never heard of that word in his life.
flinching.” The Marquis was dusting himself off. “Kindly stop terrorising the He lifted her unfurling plait out of the way. He permitted himself the caress of a
animal.” finger from the side of her neck down to her shoulder, where the strap of the negligée
“Thank you,” said Granger-Draco, giving François a severe look. “It was an lay delicately upon her skin. His fingertip went over the strap, though the real urge was
unfortunate accident. Let us call that an end to the tour -- I mustn’t impose upon to slip it underneath, and pull it off her shoulder.
your time any further.” The light of her Lumos faltered, then went out.
François, his mouth pulled down in a bitter grimace, cast revelation spells about the He lowered his face to her, felt the warmth of skin, breathed her in -- sleepiness and
room. All of the wards were perfectly intact. the scent of a candle just burnt.
“I do agree with you there, Mr. Malfoy,” said the Marquis. “Let me show you out.” He brushed his mouth against the spot, much looked at, much longed-after. He
They followed the Marquis. François muttered behind them and stared blackly at felt her shudder against him, saw her silent, gasped-out breath dissipate against the
Draco, who regarded him with panting friendliness and did a spot of additional cold window.
frolicking. He pressed a kiss to the side of her neck. Under his lips, a memory of the night in
Finally, they came to the very first anteroom. the garden -- the softness of rose petals.
“I must leave you here,” said the Marquis. His other hand found the window ledge. Now she was deliciously trapped
He looked with significance at the box in Granger-Draco’s hands. between his arms. Now she would not be going anywhere.
“It is my very great pleasure to give you this, as agreed,” said Granger-Draco, Not that she wanted to escape. She was pressing herself against him, her head
passing him the box. against his shoulder, her bum -- oft imagined, never yet felt -- against his groin. He
The Marquis took it and opened it again, as though to reassure himself that the splayed a hand against it and squeezed and felt her surprised jump.
wand hadn’t vanished from it through some sleight of hand. He kissed the side of her neck again, then moved -- delicious, delicious -- up to just
“Some things in life haven’t got a price,” said Granger-Draco. “This evening’s tour under her ear. From there he could look down and see her clavicle, and the swell of
has been a revelation. One of the most magical moments of my life, I daresay. You breasts -- the exact shape of them, and, yes, the push of nipples under silk, and the fine
should be proud of this collector’s chef-d'oeuvre. Truly unsurpassed.” line of shadow where her breasts pressed together, and the beat of her pulse at the dip
The Marquis inclined his head. “My labour of love, over a great many years. between her collarbones. Not fast enough, yet, to echo through his ring-finger, but
Farewell, Mr. Malfoy. And do tell me if you change your mind about parting with there, fluttering under skin, and if he were to turn her towards him, he could feel it
Krotche.” under his lips.
“I shan’t, but I will tell you if I hear anything on the whereabouts of the Golden He didn’t know where to go from here -- he knew exactly where to go from here --
Fleece,” said Granger-Draco with a smirk. he didn’t know if he should -- he knew he shouldn’t -- he was drenched in endorphins,
The Marquis sighed. “Do.” skin-addicted, pounding- hearted, mind-obliviated--
He waved his wand and the translucent wall shimmered back into existence. She sighed and backed herself into him further, there was the press of her arse
François returned Draco’s wand and knife to Granger-Draco. against him, and he was hard, obviously, and he pushed against her, and she made a
pleased sound in the back of her throat, but they shouldn’t -- they shouldn’t.

494 | Samhain Twenty-Nine | 471

 She reached up and slid her fingers under the strap of the brace at his shoulder. He “Are we really going to open Pandora’s box?”
slipped an arm around her waist and snatched her against him, and kissed hard kisses “She already did it once; the worst is out, isn’t it?”
at the nape of her neck, and kisses that were more bite than kiss into her shoulder, and “Yes.”
her shudder and gasp were the sweetest thing. She lifted her other hand over her head They stared at one another.
and dug her fingers into his hair, and rubbed herself against his erection, and it was his “Let’s do it,” said Granger.
turn to hold back a gasp. Together, they lifted the heavy lid. It came off with a grinding sort of creakiness.
“I’m fucking fourteen again and I’m going to finish in my pants, if you keep that They both stepped back, half expecting the remainder of the world’s plagues to be
up,” he muttered into her neck. unleashed into their faces.
Granger breathed out a breathy kind of whine and she swept her bum against his But, no: the jar was brimming with Hope.
cock again. “I -- god -- but we -- we really--” In its pure physical form, Hope was a nebulous, luminous substance, simultaneously
“--Shouldn’t?” ground out Draco between teeth. curling in upon itself and expanding in quivers of trust, conviction, and faith.
“No. We shouldn’t.” “How beautiful,” sighed Granger-Draco.
“We shouldn’t,” repeated Draco, hating himself. “I think that would be -- wise.” “Take it and let’s get on,” prodded Draco, passing her his wand again.
“I don’t want to be wise. I want to be stupid.” Granger-Draco delicately pressed the wand into the substance and syphoned it
“You’re Granger. That’s a -- contradiction in terms.” into her flask.
She removed her hand from his hair -- tragic. “You’re right. I -- I don’t know what’s This left a significant divot in the Hope in Pandora’s box -- but only for a moment,
come over me--” and then it reshaped itself, and the jar brimmed again.
(Not Draco, anyway, and more was the pity.) “Right,” breathed Granger-Draco. “Hope isn’t finite. It’s -- infinite.”
“We are in the midst of a bloody werewolf resurgence,” said Granger. There was no time for breathy philosophising on the nature of hope. Draco
“Yes.” elbowed Granger-Draco out of the way, slid the lid of Pandora’s pithos back on, and
“They are actively trying to kill me.” recast the wards. The flask was secreted into Granger-Draco’s cloak.
“Yes.” “Ready?” asked Granger-Draco, pointing the wand at Draco.
“I was literally kidnapped, today.” “Bloody hell. Here we go. Yes. If you call me constipated again, I shall bite you.”
“Yes.” Grinning, Granger-Draco Transfigured him back into a dog. She slipped the rig of
“I am working on the most intellectually demanding project I have ever worked on anti-magic pucks back onto him, lashing them into deep fur. She shoved Draco’s
-- possibly the most challenging I shall ever work on in my lifetime.” wand back into François’ pocket.
“Yes.” Then she ran to the Marquis’ side and used his wand to Ennervate him and
“I haven’t a brain cell to spare -- I haven’t any additional mental capacity to dedicate François.
to anything else--” “Oh! Monsieur le Marquis -- are you all right? I am so sorry -- Krotche hit you with
“Yes. Of course. We mustn’t add further complications to an -- an already fraught something, the silly dog. Just a Stunner, I think. I have put him in the corner. He is
situation.” punished.”
“Yes,” said Granger. “It could make things -- so much more difficult.” The Marquis rose with a look of dazed annoyance.
“Yes.” François, however, regained his feet with deep suspicion in his eyes. He snatched
“So -- we shouldn't.” up his wand and aimed it at Draco.

472 | Night Encounter Thirty | 493

 Draco leapt and plucked the ‘stick’ out of François’ hand. He gambolled away -- he “We shouldn’t.”
was becoming quite an expert at gambolling -- and then darted back towards François, Granger groaned into her palms. “What is wrong with me...”
the wand in his mouth. “Tell me when you’ve worked it out,” said Draco. “I suffer from the same --
François lunged at him. Draco darted away, then darted towards him again. “He’s ailment.”
playing keep-away with you, François!” chortled the Marquis. “Unbridled idiocy is my tentative diagnosis.” Granger was still breathless. “Right.
Draco and Granger had practised this particular bit over many hours. The key was Okay. All right. This was a dream and it did not happen.”
to make it look unintentional and harmless. “Fine. I’ve never felt more awake in my life, but fine.”
Draco shook his head and a shower of sparks flew out of the wand, quite at “You’re asleep, and so am I.”
random. Then he tossed the wand to himself and bounded away to catch it, at which “Fine. This didn’t happen.”
point a small flock of birds jetted out of it. There was a muffled meow. The bloody cat had finally seen fit to come back to the
François gave chase in earnest. Draco whipped the wand about and hit him with house. It sat outside the terrace door, staring at them.
an Aguamenti, his tail a whirl of doggy delight. Draco wondered how much it had seen. He and Granger stepped away from each
The Marquis was laughing. François was terribly unamused. Granger-Draco made other. The new distance seemed cruel and cold. Draco’s cock was weeping, in all senses
futile attempts to call Krotche to heel. of the word.
Draco waited for François to lunge and hit him with a Locomotor Wibbly -- in a Granger let the cat in. Her face was flushed, her eyes wide and dark.
playful, gambolling sort of way. She left the room and did not look back.
François careened head-first into a wall. The Marquis was hit by a Stunner. Draco turned to leave, then he froze. There, amongst the usual burnt-candle waft
Granger-Draco leapt to action, kneeling next to François to retrieve Draco’s wand, that trailed Granger, was the unmistakable scent of female arousal.
carefully removing the Faraday rig from Draco, and Transfiguring him back into Draco went off to sin.
himself.
“Finally,” breathed Draco, delighted to be on two legs again.
Granger Stunned François for good measure and cast silencing charms around He closed his bedroom door and leaned against it, opened his fly, and freed his
them. dripping cock. They had been closer than they had ever been, and the Granger-
They sprinted to Pandora’s box (odd feeling, sprinting next to oneself). Draco took induced endorphins in his blood made the fantasy so easy, so within reach -- he had
his wand from Granger and got to work on the protective warding that surrounded smelled her, he knew what she smelled like, when she was wet.
the pithos. The fantasy was an easy continuation of the scene downstairs -- he imagined
“Seventeen minutes left on my Polyjuice dose,” said Granger. turning her to him, and lifting her so that she sat on the window ledge, and pulling
Draco, sweating, peeled away the layers of wards surrounding the jar. “Right. down the straps of the negligée so that her lovely tits were, finally, exposed to him. His
These aren’t too bad -- I think the worst of them were at that first door -- give me two mouth would be all over those, from the soft undersides to the nipples that had teased
more minutes...” him through silk, which he would tease in turn through tongue and the press of
Granger conducted her own preparations, pulling out the flask of water and fingertips. And she would edge forward on the window ledge and hold up the silky
dumping its contents where Draco’s Aguamenti had left puddles. skirts of the negligée, and offer herself to him, wet, and he would take the offering,
“Ready,” said Draco. with kisses and tongue and fingers in a rhythm slow at first, and then faster. He
Granger-Draco’s hand hesitated over the pithos. “My god.” wanted to taste the place where that arousal had come from, he wanted it all over his
“What? Don’t tell me you’ve suddenly developed a scruple.” chin. And then he’d find the angle she liked best, and she would gasp out some

492 | Samhain Twenty-Nine | 473

instruction -- don’t stop, or yes, and he would feel the twitch and spasm of her against At last, they came to the collection of objects from the ancient world. It was housed in
his fingers and against his mouth. a room styled as a Grecian temple, with Doric columns supporting an enormous central
The image put him over the edge. He gasped and pulled back on his cock with one dome. The walls were marble and rippled with moving carvings of mythological scenes.
final squeeze and his orgasm was on him in one, two, three, four spurts. “Let me see, now, what are the most interesting pieces,” said the Marquis, standing
Several million Malfoy heirs were splattered onto the floor. Oops. in the centre of it all, before whisking Granger-Draco to a glass display case. “That is
His heart thundered. He fought to regain control of his breathing. There was an the Anemoi -- the original compass. And this -- what do you make of it?”
echo of a heartbeat in the ring. Granger-Draco studied the small object under a glass dome. “Er -- it looks like a
It was hers. dried fruit?”
He was not the only sinner that night. “It is: the remains of the original pomegranate eaten by Persephone.”
“Incredible.”
The Marquis pointed to a vast beam that reached the ceiling, strung with ancient
rigging aglow with stasis charms. “The mast of the Argonaut. I am pursuing the
Golden Fleece -- have been for many years -- I think they ought to be reunited, don’t
you?”
“Oh, yes. Of course.”
“Mm. Here is Pandora’s box -- rather less of a box than a jar, as you see. A pithos
would be the correct term. And here, the omphalos, from the Oracle at Delphi.
Hephaestus’ anvil -- absurdly heavy, I can’t even tell you what a fuss it was to have that
brought in...”
Draco came to lean on Granger-Draco’s legs, as a slightly bored dog who wanted
attention might. They had located the box -- it was time to proceed to the next step.
The Marquis, observing Draco’s lean, said, “I hope you won’t take offence -- I
know that he is your familiar -- but you must tell me if you would ever consider
parting with the dog. He is such a well behaved specimen. He would add a nice dash
of imperial sophistication to my menagerie.”
“Er -- no -- he is, unfortunately, rather dear to me.” Granger-Draco stroked Draco’s
head. “I am really too fond of him to let him go.”
“Of course. Worth the ask -- it always is. Now, this was a find: the skull of
Typhoeus...” Draco and Granger had made several plans for different scenarios.
Granger now scratched at
Draco's left ear, signalling -- the fun one. François was hovering broodily at the
door, wand out, though it was pointed at the floor. Feigning a sudden playfulness,
Draco bounded towards the man and put his arse in the air (gods) and wagged his tail.
“What does Krotche want?” asked the Marquis. Then, seeing Draco’s bow, he
gasped. “Oh, François, he thinks you have a stick! Silly boy, that’s a wand.”

474 | Night Encounter Thirty | 491

flatter him, and he warmed up to the tour. François followed at a distance, frowning,
his wand aimed at Granger-Draco’s back.
They passed through room after room of breathtaking Artefacts. The Marquis
offered a running commentary on the items: “Those are feathers from Huginn and

30
Muninn -- Odin’s ravens. The very first bonsai -- Han dynasty. The frankincense
offered to the Christ Child by the biblical Magi. Moctezuma’s staff -- very
temperamental, I’ve only played with it once, transformed my valet into a tortilla. A
lock of Samson’s hair. Lakshmi’s lotus, acquired that in Kolhapur. Archangel
Sandalphon’s harp...”
They passed into another room and the Marquis continued. “Ah, a few rarities
from your part of the world. That is a pelt from one of the Hounds of Annwn -- Samhain
don’t look too closely at it, Krotche, it looks rather a lot like yours, doesn’t it, poor boy.
The beautiful Excalibur -- you are familiar with that one, of course. Cost me a pretty

L
Knut. And here, Cerridwen’s cauldron, if you know her legend...”
arsen’s capture was an enormous blow to Greyback, but it was not yet the
“I have heard -- something of it,” said Granger-Draco in a strangled voice.
coup de grâce. They needed to find the man himself.
They came to a door leading into a room full of books, books on shelves, books
In spite of his Occlumency, Larsen had been so marinated in Veritaserum
upon plinths, books in display cases.
by Tonks that he produced an excellent series of leads. The next day, the
The Marquis strode past the door with a wave. “We shan’t go in there; we would
hunter became the hunted. Potter and the WTF came close twice, cornering
spend far too long and we mustn’t tarry. My most recent addition to the library is
Greyback in a cabin in the Lake District and then again in a hideaway in the Shetland
Nostradamus’ original manuscript for Les Prophéties. Quite a coup, I was ever so
Islands. He only just slipped out of their grasp both times. Potter raged. The silver
pleased. Good man, Nostradamus, actually quite funny in person. Er -- so they say,
lining was that Greyback was running out of secure boltholes, as Larsen had
anyway.”
compromised a half-dozen locations. That silver lining was tempered by a worry
Granger-Draco looked longingly into the room and made a sound suggestive of amongst the Aurors that he was going to become increasingly desperate and escalate.
great suffering, holding her heart.
Draco was given leave to scour the Viking’s brain in a day-long interrogation
“Are you all right, Mr. Malfoy?”
session while the WTF hunted, to see what else he could find.
“Er -- yes. A spot of -- indigestion. Heartburn.”
Tonks joined him in the interrogation room, along with Brimble. Larsen, bound
They carried on down another corridor, which branched off to a cage-filled hand and foot to a chair, glared balefully at them.
courtyard to the left. The Marquis had a menagerie. That explained the monkeys.
“Good morning,” said Tonks to Larsen with a frightening kind of brightness.
He waved his hand in that direction. “A few interesting specimens from abroad. “Lovely chat yesterday, thank you again. Have you had a think about any other bits
There is an aviary behind, and a butterfly garden. But let us proceed apace.” and bobs you’d like to share with us? Locations? Plans? Any machinations against
The archway broke off into three more directions. At the end of one, Draco saw Healer Granger that we ought to know about?”
the glow of a violet flame in a dark room. Larsen stared at her in stony silence.
The Marquis shut that door as they passed with a casual wave of his wand, “Otherwise,” continued Tonks, “we’ve received Ministerial permission to proceed
drawing Granger- Draco’s attention instead to a Petrified chimaera. with a spot of Legilimency. If you haven’t any more information to offer willingly,
Auror Malfoy will be fetching it directly from the source.”

490 | Samhain Thirty | 475

 “Fetch it, then,” said Larsen. At length, he said, “You have Mr. Malfoy’s wand, François -- I don’t think that he
“Brimble, make a note that Larsen has declined to cooperate,” said Tonks. would be able to do very much damage. Not that I would cast any such aspersions
Larsen turned his stare to Draco and spat at his feet. upon your character, Mr. Malfoy. François is simply being careful.”
The defiance delighted Draco: Larsen was going to put up a fight. “I understand. If there is anything else I can do for added peace of mind -- shall I
“Do that again and I shall cast a Dessicatus directly into your throat,” said Draco, leave the dog behind?”
drawing a stool towards Larsen. “Oh, no, Mr. Krotche can come,” said the Marquis, bending towards Draco and
He held his wand to the centre of Larsen’s forehead and said, “Legilimens.” clicking his tongue at him. “He is a good lad.”
Larsen was arrogant. Legilimens were rare and good ones were even rarer. Now Draco did a spot of gambolling around the Marquis’ legs, to demonstrate what a
that he was no longer bleeding out, his sophisticated Occlumency barriers were firmly good lad he was. “Yes, that’s right, you are a good boy. Yes, you are. Yes. Does he give
back in place, except where the residual effects of yesterday's Veritaserum softened kisses?”
them at the edges. It was difficult to gambol when you were transfixed by sudden horror. Draco did
He had good reason to be arrogant. As Draco pushed into his mind, he had to not want to give kisses.
admit that Larsen’s defences were impressive -- a vast, nigh-impenetrable wall. Granger-Draco’s mouth twitched. “Er -- no. I trained that out of him.”
The resistance gave Draco an excuse to be rough and cruel, and rough and cruel he “Oh?”
was. He cracked. He tore. He smashed. He had every advantage -- the magical push of “He has horrid breath.” Draco gave Granger-Draco a look that distinctly said, I beg
his wand, Larsen’s lingering Veritaserum, the pent-up rage fuelling his assault -- and he your pardon?
used them. The Marquis was scratching his ears. “Naughty! We must brush your teeth more
The more Larsen resisted, the more Draco hurt him. Before long, Draco had given often, mustn’t we? Yes. You are a clever boy, you look almost as though you
the Viking contusions throughout his mind to match those that he had left on understand. A crotchy boy, I should say, rather, eh, in Mermish? François, lead the
Granger's body. way, if you please.”
In the silence of the interrogation room, the battle of wills raged. Draco could feel They crossed into a vast room with tall arches and an ornately carved ceiling.
Larsen reeling in surprise at the violence of the battering. He had underestimated both They came to a door, heavily warded, with two expressionless wizards standing
Draco’s Legilimency and his sheer force of will when it came to this particular subject. guard on either side.
He paid for it. The Marquis turned Granger-Draco’s attention to the ceiling deliberately. “Take a
Larsen’s nose began to bleed. Brimble twitched. Tonks said nothing. moment to admire this craftsmanship: a representation of the seven Islamic heavens
Larsen, feeling his barriers fade, began to offer Draco images -- distractions, through which the soul must ascend, after death.”
fabrications. Draco did not want those. He swept them away and hammered at the “Beautiful.”
wall. Meanwhile, François waved away layer after layer of wards. Draco sat a little ways
He found a fissure. He pried it open and broke through. away, like the good boy he was, and observed carefully. The dog hearing was useful: he
Larsen pulled his memories into darker recesses. Draco dragged them back out. could even hear the man’s incantations.
Draco riffled through the memories, pausing occasionally when Larsen scrambled The heavily warded door was opened.
to put up a barrier, with increasingly diminishing returns for his effort. Now the tour began.
It had been Larsen who had wandered too close to Granger’s cottage, many The Marquis was rather twitchy and stiff-backed, at first. However, Granger-
months ago, for a spot of reconnaissance. Draco offered the precise amount of gasping and ooh-ing (probably genuine) to

476 | Samhain Thirty | 489

 “What can you offer me that I can’t buy for myself?” Draco found conversations between Greyback and Larsen. Larsen considered
The Marquis’ eyebrow rose. “I had understood from our exchanges that you were Greyback a hot tempered old fool, but useful for the sheer man-power that he and his
interested in selling. I do not barter pieces from my collection, if that is what you are pack offered.
suggesting.” He found arguments about Granger. Greyback, when he had learned of the
Granger-Draco shrugged. “Frankly, I’m more interested in finding a worthy home rumours surrounding her treatment, had simply wanted to kill her. Larsen was the
for this piece of history than anything else. I will tell you what you can offer me that I one who had devised the grander plans.
can’t buy: a little tour of your legendary collection.” The notion of creating a variant of the lycanthropy virus had made Greyback wild
The Marquis’ face closed. “Absolutely not.” with delight. He had been so eager to confirm that Granger had actually isolated the
Granger-Draco sighed. “Right. I had hoped for a bit of flexibility on your part. virus that he had ordered the cack-handed break-in attempt. It had infuriated Larsen,
Thought that this was a rather generous offer, in fact -- the Elder Wand for a few who asked furiously what Greyback thought his brainless louts would discover in a
moments of your time. I respect your decision, of course.” scientific laboratory run by Britain’s foremost magical researcher. Now they’d ramp up
Granger-Draco packed the Elder Wand back into its box and closed the lid with a the security measures -- now everything would be more difficult. They almost had a
snap. “Thank you, nevertheless, for--” permanent falling-out, then -- almost duelled each other -- but each needed the other
“Wait.” more than he wanted to kill him.
The Marquis was looking at the box with a greedy yearning. Draco pressed and searched, but Larsen did not know who had informed
“You simply want a tour of my collection?” he asked. “In exchange for the wand?” Greyback of Granger’s project. Greyback had been careful enough, there. And, by
“Yes.” design and mutual agreement, Larsen only knew of a handful of Greyback’s hideouts,
“Why?” most of which had already been discovered by Tonks the day before. A pity. Draco
dictated a few additional locations to Brimble as he found them.
“Because that, too, would be a thing without price,” said Granger-Draco with a
smirk. “I don’t believe you’ve ever permitted a viewing.” Then Draco found memories of himself -- first as the pilot at the pub, doting on
Granger, and then as the Auror putting his life on the line for her, during the knife
“Indeed, I haven’t,” said the Marquis, looking grave.
fight. He saw the wildness in own eyes when he told Larsen, “She’s definitely worth
He glanced towards François, who looked distinctly unhappy. Then he looked at
what I’m going to do to you,” saw how it fed every subsequent blow and stab.
the box again.
Larsen had concluded that Draco was some kind of mad-eyed lover of Granger's.
He turned back to Granger-Draco. “We will do a tour. A quarter of an hour. You
Linked to that thought were more memories, shrouded by fear of discovery, that
are to follow my instructions -- and, of course, touch nothing.”
Larsen wished to hide from Draco in particular. As Draco approached them, Larsen
“Of course.”
grew panicky.
“And at the end of the tour, the Elder Wand will be mine.”
“Don’t,” said Larsen, throwing up a final, desperate barrier. Draco did.
“That is correct.”
He found memories of conversations between Larsen and Greyback, drunkenly
The Marquis looked serious. “What an unusual turn of events.” discussing what they would do with Granger when they’d got what they needed out
“Monsieur le Marquis, are you -- are you quite certain?” queried François. of her. They were graphic. They were vile.
The Marquis’ eyes were riveted on the Grenadil wood box. There was a muscle “You bloody swine,” spat Draco.
going in his cheek as he worked his way through an internal struggle.
Then came Larsen’s imaginings themselves, beyond the memories of the
conversations.
Draco came close to losing control.

488 | Samhain Thirty | 477

 Blood oozed from Larsen’s tear-ducts. She opened the Elder Wand’s glossy box and held it towards the Marquis.
Tonks put her hand on Draco’s shoulder. “Snapped in half by Harry Potter, on the second of May, 1998.”
The Larsen who was escorted out of the interrogation room did not have the The Marquis eyes were bright as he leaned over to look. “This seems fortuitous --
mental acuity of the one who had entered it. you have brought me a Hallow on All Hallow’s Eve.”
He never fully recovered. “Indeed.”
In the days that followed, the Viking was extradited to Denmark. The Danish “How came you by it?”
Aurors, having learned of Larsen’s plans, did not muck about. Their Head Auror, “Potter owed me a rather large favour.”
himself a lycanthrope, took a deep personal offence to Larsen’s revolting project. “A favour?”
Larsen’s laboratory was raided, evidence removed, contents documented -- then the “I can’t provide further details.”
Danes proceeded with a bold renovation project in the form of blowing the entire The Marquis nodded. “Of course. I did not mean to pry. Do you mind if I--?”
place up. Granger-Draco nodded yes, and held the box to the Marquis. He picked up the
wand and inspected it, first with the naked eye, and then with a silver loupe, then with
a golden one.
Lady Saira reported that, by and large, her queries about Pandora’s box were greeted “Lovely. Lovely. Might I cast a few spells upon it?” Granger-Draco waved an
by tittering -- until, one day in late October, she sent a note with a wisp of a rumour indifferent hand in acquiescence.
about a reclusive collector, a Frenchman living in Spain called le Marquis d’Artois. She captured Draco’s mannerisms with an almost offensive accuracy -- only a bit
With a bit of jauntiness in his step, Draco went off in search of Granger to convey too affected for Draco himself to be convinced. He wasn’t this pretentious, surely.
the good news. “Fifteen inches, elder wood, Thestral tail-hair,” said the Marquis, flicking through
Granger had taken to long walks through the Manor’s grounds to stave off lab- various spells as he confirmed the Elder Wand’s authenticity. “Fascinating. This is quite
induced cabin fever. Draco found her near the Hippocampus fountain, casting a a piece of history you have here, Mr. Malfoy. I am a veritable fiend for storied magical
warming charm upon herself to ward off the chill. items and the Elder Wand is -- well, quite one of the holy grails, you know. Such a pity
She smiled when she saw him. He said glurkk to himself. that it was broken. I am certain that Mr. Potter had only the wizarding world’s best
Draco fell into step beside her and only half-listened as she spoke. The other half of interests at heart, but...”
his brain was occupied by the shape of her mouth and the play of the sun in her hair. Draco rose and shook himself, leaving a mist of white fur on Granger-Draco, and
Today, the Floo hearth had been installed at her laboratory, open only to bilateral began to wander about the courtyard, looking as bored as possible.
travel between the Manor and the lab. The Floo technician had not recognised He drifted about, sniffing here and there, until he found François’ lurking place.
Granger -- he thought the nice young lady was a graduate student -- and he had been He could find no other trace of domestic staff or guards nearby. His doggishly
so impressed by her incisive questions on the Floo creation process that he offered her enhanced hearing did catch what sounded like the kitchens, possibly, off to the right --
a job as a trainee on the spot. the high voices of house-elves. Further beyond, he could hear cackling screeching --
“I had to decline,” Granger sighed wistfully. “But it was tempting. I wonder what monkeys?!
it’d be like to have a proper nine to five, you know -- a normal job.” He returned to Granger-Draco and laid himself, sphinx-like, at her feet. This was
“Too bad,” said Draco. “You can’t leave off saving the world halfway through. It the signal for her to make a move -- to request a viewing of the Marquis’ collection,
simply wouldn’t be sporting.” and, if the response was no, then things were about to get messy.
He gave her Lady Saira’s note. “We’ve got a lead on Pandora’s box.” Granger “Let us proceed to the part I despise the most. How much are you asking for, for
skimmed through the missive. this thing without price?” asked the Marquis.

478 | Samhain Thirty | 487

 “Krrotche?” repeated the Marquis in a strong French accent. “A few details worthy of note,” said Draco as Granger read. “The Marquis never
“Yes. It means clever, in -- er, Mermish. I didn’t name him. ” sells anything, never loans anything to museums, and never offers viewings of his
“How came you by him?” collection. Only buys things on occasion -- and when he does, nothing less than the
“Friends in St. Petersburg.” rarest magical artefacts interest him.”
“Oh? What friends? I’ve got some connections there.” “He never sells things? Of course he doesn’t. Why would this be simple?”
“The -- Mikhailovs.” “He’s known for it -- rather disliked for it, actually -- in collector circles. He has one
“Mm. I haven’t the pleasure of their acquaintance.” of the greatest collections of arcane objects on the planet and not a single one has left
Draco bounded forwards and put his head under the Marquis’ hand, in an his possession after acquisition. No sales, no bartering for other relics. Greedy sort of
attempt to distract the man from further prying. bugger, by all accounts.”
The Marquis looked pleased and gave him a few pats. “Quite a happy chappy, eh? Granger walked pensively along the leaf-strewn path. “That doesn’t leave us many
Yes. You are a good boy.” options, then, does it? We may once again have to do evil, so that good may follow.”
Draco trotted ahead, sniffing about, wondering if he should piss on something for “Ooh. I believe that you’re about to suggest something naughty.”
added authenticity. “You sound titillated,” said Granger, holding back a smile.
They came to a new courtyard, pierced at regular intervals by thin wooden “I am.”
columns. At the centre of it all was an elegant arrangement of furniture. The Marquis “May I safely assume that your moral stance on thievery hasn’t shifted since
raised his hand and François, who had been lurking unseen, advanced with drinks. Provence?”
“Would Krotche like a biscuit?” asked the Marquis. “That did nothing but whet my appetite for it.”
“No, that's quite all right. He’s on a special diet.” Granger’s look was a mixture of relief and reproof. “You’re an Auror. Hadn’t you
“Oh?” better think twice?”
“He's -- constipated.” “Darling, I don’t even think once.” Draco flipped his hair. “I’m an absolute
“Ah. Poor fellow.” maverick, you know.
Draco wagged his tail as though nothing gave him more joy than constipation. I’ve half a mind to quit the Auror business and become a gentleman thief. Let’s
Granger-Draco took a glass of wine from François and swirled it with a haughty steal the box -- that would be quite a feather in my cap.”
gesture. “I don’t really want Pandora’s box, though. I want what’s in it.”
Draco was not that haughty. “What’s in it?”
“How do you find it?” asked the Marquis when Draco had tasted it. “Hope.”
“I tend to prefer my wines more -- full-bodied,” said Granger-Draco with a sniff. “...Are we taking Hesiod’s myth quite so literally?” asked Draco with his eyebrows
“But this is excellent.” raised.
One of the Marquis’ eyebrows twitched at this faint praise. “I see.” He examined Granger nodded. “Revelations hasn’t misled me yet. Do you remember the final
his own glass. “I am afraid I cannot linger too long. I am rather busy this evening.” step, when brewing Sanitatem?”
Granger-Draco produced an excellent insincere smile. “I would be delighted to “No. I’ve never brewed it.”
dispense with further small talk. Shall I show you what I’ve come with?” “It’s a ten minute stir, accompanied by a kind of meditation over the cauldron by
She settled herself upon a sofa. Draco laid himself at her feet. the potioneer. Speramus is the incantation -- ‘we hope.’ The strongest Sanitatem is
made with the strongest infusion of hope in that final stage. Pandora’s box would

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contain it in its purest form. As with every other element, the same ingredient class, The flask was subjected to five spells before the butler was satisfied that its contents
but the magical potencies would be stronger by hundreds of orders of magnitude.” were innocuous.
“Right. So what’s the plan?” The Elder Wand’s box was opened and similarly subjected to detection spells, to no
Granger grew pensive. “This Marquis d’Artois likes exceedingly rare things?” effect.
“He does. A pity we returned the Magdalene’s skull -- that would have tempted the “I presume you have no objections to François keeping hold of your wand and
man, I’m sure. We could have got an audience, at least -- and had a poke about his knife? Only for the duration of our chat, of course,” said the Marquis from behind his
hacienda.” shield.
Granger shook her head. “If we hadn’t returned her, I expect we’d be dead by now. After Granger-Draco’s gesture of agreement, François slipped the wand and knife
Those nuns would have been out for blood. Have you any sort of ancient family into his robes. “I do appreciate your patience with my foibles,” said the Marquis.
possession that might intrigue the Marquis enough to grant us an interview? The “May I enquire about the dog?”
rings?” “My familiar,” said Granger-Draco, stroking Draco’s sleek head. “He can wait here,
“Versions of those exist amongst many old families. They’re rare enough, but not if that is your wish.”
so unique that they’d interest someone like the Marquis.” “Oh, no. I understand the urge to keep one’s precious things by one’s side, you
“I don’t suppose your Uncle Snodsbury’s hourglass has any magical properties?” know -- more than anyone. Is the creature good tempered? I shall have François run a
“Er -- sometimes, it gets flatulent.” few spells on it, and then we can proceed.”
Granger gasped out a cackle, then attempted to find her dignity again. “Really.” François cast a few spells at Draco, including Finite Incantatem and an Animagus
“It’s true.” detection charm.
“Right. Well, unless the Marquis has a specific interest in borborygmus, I don’t Nothing happened.
think that will be of much use.” Draco wagged his tail and let his tongue loll out of his mouth.
Granger grew silent and thoughtful as they weaved through tree trunks and heaps “Excellent,” said the Marquis. “The dog is a dog. Let them through, François.”
of red-gold leaves. Draco breathed a doggy sigh of relief. Inspired by the pelt of the Oisín hind,
Draco ran through his mental inventory of the Malfoy family heirlooms, of which Granger had rigged what she called ‘a kind of Faraday cage’ out of her anti-magic
there were many -- jewels and weapons and diverse thingummies -- but none were pucks and some wiring. The rig was now strapped to his body, covered by his thick
quite in the league of items that would impress a collector as discerning as the fur. They had tested it at length. It wouldn’t deflect serious curses, but lighter spells at
Marquis. a distance seemed to fizzle out within the perimeter.
Granger cut into his reverie with an explosion of a revelation: “I know where the The butler lowered the shimmering wall, revealing the Marquis. Draco trotted at
Elder Wand is.” Granger-Draco’s side and took stock of the man. He was slight of build and garbed in
Draco walked into a tree, tripped on a forgotten rake, and fell into an enormous a violet suit that was tastefully tailored, though the cut of it seemed almost antique. A
pile of leaves. pair of bright blue eyes sparkled with intelligence in a face that seemed, strangely, both
“What?” he said, popping his head out of the leaves, while also making a note to old and young.
sack the groundskeeper. To Draco’s doggishly overzealous nose, he reeked of fine cigars -- and gold.
Granger leaned contemplatively against a tree and took stock of the situation. “A Borzoi, is it?” said the Marquis, looking at Draco. “Noble animal. Unusual
“What you’ve done there, Malfoy, is gone arse over tit.” breed. What’s his name?”
Then, with the smugness of one who has been waiting to exert her revenge for Granger-Draco glanced down at Draco with her eyebrows raised. “His name? It’s --
months, she explained various laws of physics that he hadn’t quite applied correctly, Crotch.”

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 Really made his bum pop, though. He had such a perfect arse. including the importance of not wedging one’s overlarge feet under gardening
They came to the end of the drive. The Marquis’ house wasn’t a villa at all -- the implements.
thing was, frankly, another Alhambra, nestled into the Andalusian hills. She had made a critical error, however: unlike Granger in a pit in Provence, Draco
Enormous gates swung open as they approached. Pairs of guards, armed with had his wand. He waved it at her and dragged her into the leaves with him.
wands and ceremonial swords, flanked the drive at regular intervals and observed Her indignant shriek made everything that followed worthwhile -- her landing on
them wordlessly as they passed. top of him and elbowing him in the solar plexus (he was ninety percent certain that it
“Cheery lot,” muttered Granger-Draco to Draco. was accidental), the handful of leaves she shoved into his face, the dirt and twigs in his
They walked through splendid gardens rich with almond trees, lemon groves, hair.
cascading fountains, and dazzling flowers of every colour. Exotic fowl strutted about -- Draco defended himself from her leaves with his own fistfuls of them, which
peacocks, pheasants, demoiselle cranes. caught in her hair as she struggled to get away from him.
They came to the villa’s front doors. A black-robed butler greeted Granger-Draco -- “How dare you -- I just washed my hair--!” shrieked Granger.
a tall, well-built sort of butler, whose gait and breadth of shoulders suggested She attempted to roll off of Draco and kneed him in the balls instead.
something more of the bodyguard than the manservant. His wand was holstered at “Grkqp,” said Draco, curling his legs in.
his forearm and the strategic once-over he gave Granger-Draco told Draco that he He fell into a silent, ball-cupping paroxysm.
knew what he was about. Granger froze with a gasp. “Oh my god -- Malfoy, I’m so sorry -- I didn’t mean
They followed the butler through a series of courtyards, crossing over ponds to--”
glittering with golden koi. She fluttered above him anxiously.
Granger-Draco, holding the Elder Wand’s box under her arm as she strode, was “M’fine,” said Draco.
doing an excellent job of looking Malfoyishly unimpressed by any of it. Draco heard “Are you sure?”
her sniff. “Yes.”
They arrived at an anteroom, at the end of which glittered a translucent sort of wall Granger was looking at him with wide-eyed compassion.
-- a magical shield of some kind. “You can -- explain to my mother -- why she will never have grandchildren--”
A small figure, slightly distorted by the wall, appeared. It spoke with an aristocratic, Perhaps he shouldn’t have splattered them upon the floor so liberally.
accented voice: “Mr. Malfoy, welcome. I do hope that your travels did not fatigue you. He felt better after a few more breaths. The pain receded. The bollock was
Can François proceed with the usual checks, for my peace of mind?” unruptured. Probably. Perhaps he ought to make Granger check, to be safe.
Granger-Draco inclined her head and replied in French. “Monsieur le Marquis. A Also, by the way, Granger, poised above him, her hands planted in leaves on either
pleasure. Please proceed. I am eager to begin our discussion.” side of his head? She was a nymph, crowned in wine-red oak. She was the loveliness of
The butler cast a series of weapon revelation spells on Granger-Draco, exposing her autumn, the warmth of a hearth-fire against chill evenings, the elusiveness of summer’s
wand and the knife that Draco typically had strapped to his thigh. last goodbye, lined with golden sun.
The butler proffered a tray, upon which Granger-Draco placed these items. Enchanting. The want -- to pull her down on top of him, to kiss her -- was searing.
Draco’s wand was subject to an identification spell, which glowingly confirmed But one dallied with nymphs at one’s peril. Draco merely drank in the loveliness. The
that Mr. Draco Lucius Malfoy was its owner. want fractured his soul.
The butler asked Granger-Draco what was in the flask at her hip. “Only water,” It was fine.
said Granger-Draco, proffering it to him for inspection. The nymph almost hit him in the balls again as she rose.

484 | Samhain Thirty | 481

 They found their feet. only request would be that Mr. Malfoy comply with his security measures and come
“The bloody Elder Wand?” prompted Draco, casting Evanesco upon the remains alone.
of a squashed worm on his arse. Granger pursed her lips while reading the last bit, bent over Draco’s shoulder.
Granger plucked leaves from her hair. “Yes. It’s irreparably broken, of course -- “Reply in the positive. We’ll find a way to circumvent that particular bit of buggery.
Harry snapped it in half -- but would something like that interest the Marquis?” You certainly can’t do this alone, absolute maverick or no.”
“One of the Deathly Hallows? Obviously. Broken or not, that is an Artefact.” “Can’t I?”
“I’d have to ask for Harry’s permission to use it as our bargaining chip. If he says “No.”
yes, it shouldn’t be too complicated to obtain. It’s unguarded, as far as I know.” “What an abhorrent lack of faith. What are you thinking, then?”
“The Elder Wand? Unguarded? Are you serious?” “I’ve got a few ideas,” said Granger.
“Yes.” Granger glanced at him. “D’you fancy nipping out to raid a tomb, as a -- a Now she was eyeing Draco speculatively, twirling her wand between her fingers.
cheeky little warm-up for a larger heist?” Draco did not like the feeling.
“Let’s,” said Draco, wildly intrigued. They packed the Elder Wand, with a silken ribbon around its snapped middle, into
At the Manor, Granger Flooed Potter, who gave his blessing for the use of the a gorgeous case of satin and Grenadil wood.
remains of the Elder Wand, indicating that he, frankly, did not care what they did with The wand was inert in Draco’s hand as he nestled it into the case. “Kindling, really.
it, just get Granger’s bloody project done, for god’s sake, before they were all turned Not even a spark left.”
into werewolves. “It might still have the power to do one last bit of good,” said Granger.
That night, Draco and Granger popped into Hogsmeade, from whence they
wandered into the Hogwarts grounds and, Disillusioned, contemplated life and death
piously over Dumbledore’s tomb. The International Floo to Málaga took six minutes. Granger emerged from it with the
Draco, being a clumsy sort of wizard, accidentally dismantled all of the tomb’s tender green tint of a young asparagus.
wards, and tripped over, and pushed off the enormous marble slab that covered the A bored immigration wizard observed her, then gave Draco forms to fill out for
grave. Then the Elder Wand fell, quite by chance, into Granger’s hand, and she, out of him and his esposa, as well as a sick bag.
sheer ineptitude, created a perfect duplicate of it, and, by absolute happenstance, For his profession, Draco put, “Ne’er-do-well/Absolute Maverick,” and for
dropped the duplicate into the tomb, and they left with the Elder Wand in her pocket Granger’s, “Arsonist.” She was too bilious to notice.
without noticing that it had fallen in. The Marquis lived just outside of one of the Pueblos Blancos along Spain’s
After some deliberation, they decided that Draco should request an introduction southern coast. Draco and Granger took a room in a village a few kilometres away to
to the Marquis via Lady Saira. Their hope was that the Malfoy name, along with his finalise their preparations for the heist.
offer of the remains of the Elder Wand, might carry sufficient cachet and credibility to The designated time found Draco and Granger striding up the drive to the
intrigue the Marquis. d’Artois villa.
It worked. The Marquis wrote a brief missive to Draco, delivered by a gorgeous Well, Granger strode. Draco trotted along next to her, a long feathery tail swishing
lyrebird, inviting him to Málaga. The Marquis proposed a hotel on the waterfront for elegantly behind him. Because, yes. Draco had been Transfigured into a Borzoi. And
the meet. Draco countered with worries about his personal safety, given the value of Granger was Draco.
the object he would be carrying with him, and invited the Marquis to the Manor Draco, observing Granger-Draco from his new height just at her waist, told himself
instead. As they had hoped, the Marquis declined the trip to England, but offered his that there was no way he walked with quite so much hip.
own villa as a meeting place, if Mr. Malfoy would be more inclined to meet there? His

482 | Samhain Thirty | 483

mind, her wit, her magic, her ambition, her beauty, her chaos. He felt himself at the “I am entirely at your disposal,” said Draco.
edge of the fall. There was a smile in Granger’s voice in the dark. “Brilliant.”
He could love her. Gods, he could love her. Silence fell.
He ran a finger along her cheek. Draco was a good boy, even when he was not a dog. He stayed well on his side of
He might love her already, in secret heartbeats and stolen touches and slow looks. the bed. He did not allow his mind nor his hands to drift towards the soft warmth
There was a tearing and a dissonance -- a pleasurable pain as his mind stretched to near him. He behaved like the perfect monk he was, lying unmoving and staring at the
accept what his heart already knew. ceiling and not thinking about Granger.
He loved her already.
It tore. He suffered in silence. She, unaware of his ordeal, turned her face into his
hand. Against his palm, the softness of her cheek, the press of her smile. He was so full It had been a long day and the excitement and alcohol gave way to fatigue. They slept
of longing it hurt. He was wretched, wretched. an hour or two, only to awaken to the sound of the shutters banging open and closed.
“I’ve missed you,” said Draco. His voice caught at the edges. A chill wind played about the window.
The horrible, heart-on-sleeve sincerity of it appalled him. A rustle beside Draco told him that Granger was awake, too. She sat up and turned
She, bless her, responded in kind. “I’ve missed you, too.” There was a breathiness to the window, half-asleep, wonder-eyed.
to the words, the unsteadiness of suppressed emotion. “Je reviens de loin. I feel as The wind blew witch-whispers through the cobblestoned streets. The night sky
though I’m back in the world of the living.” was heavy with the press of clouds. The sea beyond the village foamed, cresting in high
He still held her hand. He ran his thumb over her ring. “You must tell me when waves that hung in the air for silent seconds in a host of white, unearthly things.
you’ve recovered your capacity for -- complications.” It was Samhain night. The dead awakened. Souls wandered. Portents glimmered.
She looked up at him with lips parted and eyes the colour of curiosity. He felt her The veil between worlds grew thin. Boundaries grew porous. Thresholds disappeared.
returning touch against his knuckles. Things could span gaps. Things could be between.
“After today, I -- I may have a spot of wiggle room.” Granger settled onto her side and looked at Draco. One of the straps of her
“What if we were -- just a bit stupid, then?” negligée had slipped down in her sleep. He reached out with a single finger and pulled
“...Let’s be a bit stupid.” it back up.
She slipped her fingers under his braces, where they lay against his shoulders, and He let his fingertip drag into a long touch.
pulled him towards her. Her eyes were clear. They could blame the Queimada all they liked, but they were
He backed her into the books. He kissed her slowly, as he had wanted to, and lifted both perfectly sober.
her against the stacks, as he had wanted to, and squeezed all of his want into it. Her delicate hand made its way to his face and pushed a strand of his hair back into
Her lips smiled against his. Her kiss was sweet, and, gods, it felt like love. place.
They snogged like idiot teenagers amongst the shadowy stacks. She was as It was Samhain night. The veil between worlds grew thin. Tonight, terrible
beautiful as he imagined she would be, pressed against the books. incompatibilities mattered less. Violent polarities softened. Universes could collide
Her hair came loose. He breathed her in by the lungful, by the heartful. Small and pass through one another, the stars of one lingering lovingly in the light of the
fingers sought something to hold, slipped at his bicep, went to his shoulder, then other.
found his collar. Perhaps there was a place for them to meet in the in-between.

536 | A Paedagogical Exchange Thirty | 501

 He caught her hand before she could pull it away. She watched him, curious, “Will it work? Aurors are trained against, aren’t they?”
wondering. He pressed a kiss to her knuckles, then to her open palm, then to the “En principe. But my professional integrity crumbles before you, yet again.”
inside of her forearm, where a desecration was carved. “Oh, no,” said Granger.
Through the thin skin there he felt her heartbeat, too slow, still, for his ring to echo, “You needn’t look so smug.”
but enough for his lips to feel. He kissed unvoiced things into her scar -- regrets, “Tell me.”
sorrows, confessions. “I simply wanted to buy you -- less appalling nightwear.”
Her eyes were dark and soft. Her fingers found the rough flesh that delineated the “Thoughtful. Nothing too inappropriate about that.”
remains of his Mark. She pushed her cheek to it with her eyes closed. His heart was “It was a Muggle lingerie shop.”
full. He felt her breath against it, then the press of warm lips. “...Oh.”
She came closer, or he did, he didn’t know. All he knew was that her mouth was “Muggles are very imaginative with their nightwear, you know. Far more than our
now there, inches from his. There was the pull, there was the wanting to fall. He wizarding equivalents. So many strappy thingies -- lace garters -- camisoles -- lovely
propped himself onto an elbow and lifted her chin to him. matching sets -- naughty little ensembles -- all of which occupied my thoughts for far
They hung there in that place of equilibrium, between the known and the too long, afterwards.”
unknown, between the never and the not yet. There was a blush on Granger’s cheeks.
Now, the air grew rare. Now, the only breath worth breathing was the other’s. He “I told you it was inappropriate,” said Draco.
brushed his lips against hers. He would have let the matter lie there, if that had been “Dreadfully,” said Granger. “Come here so I can give you your bribe.”
her wish.
Draco leaned down. She pressed a kiss to his lips, but pulled away before he could
Then she pressed her own kiss to his mouth. They met again, together, this time, respond in kind.
and their breaths came faster. Her hand slipped up to the nape of his neck. He pulled
It wasn’t enough. None of this was enough.
her towards him, bodily, to close the in-between.
He wanted to kiss her slowly. He wanted to back her up into those stacks and lift
They did not speak. Speaking would make it real and this was not real. her and squeeze all of his want into it.
It was Samhain night. They were wandering souls amongst many wandering souls, “I should’ve negotiated parameters for this bribe’s duration and intensity,” mused
seeking solace or a moment of bliss. Draco.
The warmth of her leg was flung over his hip. His hand caressed the skin of her
“It’s probably -- wiser, this way,” said Granger.
thigh, unable to distinguish the silk of skin beneath his palm from the silk of the
Her gaze flitted back to his mouth. Then, with an effort, she looked away. She
negligée across his knuckles. She was all softness, all give. His hand grabbed at the arse
twisted idly at one of his cufflinks. Delicate fingertips brushed at his wrist.
that had taunted him too many times. He dug possessive fingers into it.
“You didn’t ask me where my favourite spot on the estate is,” said Draco.
Slow, in that in-between, slow, in that uncanny night, they pressed out their want
“Oh...? Well -- where is it?”
onto the other’s lips.
“Here.”
Things that had burned low kindled into life. They heaped kisses upon kisses, hot,
“It is a beautiful library.”
open-mouthed, touching tongues and teeth. He pulled her on top of him -- long-
dreamt dream. She kissed her way down his neck. He left the world altogether, then, “No. Here -- with you.”
in a sweet euphoria. When he returned, his pyjamas were being unbuttoned in a deft He caught her hand where she played with his cufflinks and entwined his fingers
sequence, from his throat down, down, down. with hers. She smiled that smile that made him soar. She was a light amongst the
shadows, doe-eyed, blush-cheeked, golden-souled. His heart was full of her. Her

502 | Samhain Thirty-Two | 535

 “Tell me,” she whispered against his jaw. “Or else.” Draco felt the brush of her hand against his erection, but he did not want that yet --
Just a few sweet nothings and sweet threatenings and barely-there touchings, and he wanted her. He pulled her back up towards him and loosened the straps at her
he was back in the spin of the vertigo. The gentle euphoria was upon him. shoulders. The negligée fell about her hips in a silken puddle.
He was a love-struck, Granger-addled fool. He adored. He kissed the smooth underside of one breast, then the other, then wet
“Shan’t,” said Draco. her nipples with tongue and the heat of his mouth. As he went, and her breath came
What were they even talking about? faster, he felt a matching dampness where she sat against his stomach, and another,
It was her turn to put her fingers on his chin. She drew his face to her. where his cock strained in his pyjamas.
“Give us the barest of hints, then,” she said, fluttering, as she did, the barest of hints Draco’s fingers were under the negligée now. He tugged her knickers off. The
of her breath against his mouth. negligée followed -- and then, there she was, the nymph, naked and on top of him,
“You’re terribly insistent.” and he didn’t need anything beyond this, except to see her finish above him.
“I, too, get what I want.” He propped his head up with a pillow against the wall and moved her closer to his
“Is it still want, when the thing you want is so willing to give itself to you?” asked face with insistent hands against her arse. She clambered forwards, one hand against
Draco. the wall and the other on his shoulder, and pressed herself, gorgeous and wet and
“Deep philosophies amongst the stacks,” said Granger. “Stop trying to distract tender, against his mouth. The scent of her would have been enough for him to pull
me.” himself off in three strokes, if he’d wanted to. He tasted her, slid a finger into her, felt
“You’re the one distracting me,” said Draco. Their noses touched. “I haven’t any her clench. A second finger joined the first. They fell into a rhythm of him suckling
idea what we’re on about.” and kissing and her rocking her hips against fingers and tongue, one hand pressed
against the wall, the other in his hair.
“Inappropriate presents.”
Her breaths came heavy -- and then, so did she, with a gasped-out groan and a long
“Right.”
shudder that pinched Draco’s knuckles together.
“What must I threaten you with, to disclose this information?” asked Granger,
The ring on his hand came into life, echoing the pitch of her racing pulse.
searching his eyes, a smile in her voice.
She held herself up, one hand against the wall, one squeezing his shoulder, for a
Draco put his forehead against hers. “Withholding whatever you’re teasing me
quivering moment, before falling on top of him to catch her breath. He slipped his
with at the moment.”
hand into his pyjamas and stroked himself as she lay on him, his fingers wet and sticky
“A conundrum.” She drew a finger along his jaw.
and smelling of her. Her eyes were bliss-filled and dark.
“Difficult to withhold, when I so want to give.”
She tugged at his pyjamas. He kicked them off. She put a knee on either side of his
“More philosophies to delight and intrigue.”
hips. As he pushed himself up and into her, she pushed her mouth against his. He slid
She breathed against his mouth for a moment longer. It was an exquisite exercise in into her halfway. The heat and snugness wanted to undo him. He trembled --
self-control to not slide his hand around the back of her neck and pull her to him. restraint, want.
Granger drew away by an inch or two. “I am withholding. Talk.” She spread her knees wider. He watched their joining, the way he opened her, the
“Heartless,” said Draco. way she inched him in with these unhurried ups and downs, the way she left him
“Satisfy my curiosity and I’ll satisfy these—” glistening.
“These what?” Again they found a rhythm, an in-and-out strewn with wet kisses and gasping
“Philosophical enquiries.” breaths. Above him, the gorgeous sight of her arching upwards, her breasts, her parted
“What a charming bit of bribery.”

534 | A Paedagogical Exchange Thirty | 503

lips. Every roll of her hips pulled him closer, and closer, and closer, until he was at the “Demonstration is one of the more effective paedagogical methods,” nodded
edge, panting. Granger.
She came down, clenched around him, and he went over, and emptied himself “Unfortunately, it wouldn’t be -- gentlemanly. Or appropriate. Or wise.”
into her in jerky spurts, his hands clutching at her thighs. Granger looked unsurprised. “What a pity.”
He reeled into some in-between for a long moment, afterwards, neither here nor “The tragedy of it rends my very being,” said Draco, hardly exaggerating.
there, a place of pleasure and twitching aftershocks and joined pulses racing through Granger ran a hand down his arm and tutted. “Still wearing the silver cufflinks. We
rings. haven’t learned our lesson on the dangers of transition metals?”
She laid herself next to him, her head against his shoulder. From there, he could “Perhaps we’ve been hoping for a reprise.”
observe the rise and fall of her breasts and the path down to her stomach that he “Repetition is also an excellent paedagogical method,” nodded Granger.
wished to follow with his mouth. “I await instruction,” said Draco, an absurd amount of hope in his voice.
None of it had happened and it was not real. “Oh, no. That, too, would require a practical demonstration.”
A sleepy hand caressed his hair. He ran his fingers along her hip. “Oh?”
They fell into a light doze. “Unladylike. Inappropriate. Unwise.”
Draco woke up hard again, perhaps an hour later, and nudged her, and found her “All the best things are.”
receptive, and made his way down that path between her breasts with his mouth. Granger gave him the most adorable, dangerous little smirk. “Perhaps I’ll show you
It was Samhain night. The dead were living and the living went, again and again, to when you show me the whipped cream.”
their little deaths. “You are devious and cruel.”
“Thank you. May I enquire about another minor secret, while I have you?”
“Yes.” (She had him in so many senses of the term, it was a bit ridiculous.)
“What was the other thing you thought of buying for me, other than the appalling
pyjamas? The inappropriate thing?”
Draco teetered on the edge of the fulcrum.
“That was -- nothing,” he said, instead of indicating that he had visited a lingerie
shop in Muggle London and daydreamed about it for days.
“Nothing? I ought to push you into the stacks and tyrannise you into an answer.”
Yes. She had him. His heart, that stupid and useless organ, was full.
“Please do,” said Draco.
She put a single finger to his chest and backed him up. He hadn’t far to go before
he hit the stacks behind him, half a step at best.
A shelf dug into his back. Her fingertip pushed lightly into his front. Could she feel
his heart? Probably.
“Tell me,” said Granger.
“Mm -- no.”
Granger hooked a finger into his collar and rose to her toes.

504 | Samhain Thirty-Two | 533

 Granger laughed. “A minor one.” She took another step away. “It’s silly.”
He followed her into the stacks that she was backing into. “Tell me.”
“No.”
“I shall back you into a corner and hex it out of you,” said Draco.

31
He made good on the first part of the threat. After a few more steps backwards,
Granger was cornered.
She gasped in faux outrage. “You wouldn’t dare.”
The little chase into the stacks filled him with an unexpected rush of endorphins.
His breathing picked up.
“I would,” said Draco.
He came closer. The (J)anus (T)hickey Ward
“I’d teach you what a real ruptured bollock feels like,” said Granger.

D
“You can do whatever you’d like with my bollocks.” awn rose grey the next morning. Rain pitter-pattered against the window.
He took another step towards her. In that damp silence, Draco “the Quash” Malfoy and Hermione “No
“Don’t make promises you can’t keep,” said Granger. Capacity for Complications” Granger stared at the ceiling and reflected
She was against the stacks, now, and had nowhere to go. He smelled fire. He upon what they had done.
looked down at her. She looked up at him. He felt that much of his future happiness It was difficult to deny what had happened, given that each had the other’s bodily
lay in those bright eyes. fluids in various stages of evaporation upon their person.
“What secret?” he prompted again, because if he didn’t occupy his mouth with The pillow-talk was brief and to-the-point. What happened in Spain would stay in
queries, it might do something idiotic, such as declare undying devotion to her. Spain. They were professionals. They were professionals who respected each other’s
She looked off to the side, as though calculating an escape route. Draco threw an professionalism and would never act in any way other than professionally with their
arm up to bar the way. assigned professional. They repeated the word to the point of semantic satiation, grew
She looked to the other side. Draco put a single finger under her chin and turned confused, and left for home.
her back towards him. Draco’s wank bank benefited from some new additions, so not all was lost.
“You’re terribly insistent,” said Granger. If Granger hadn’t a single brain cell to spare before, now, with the acquisition of
“I get what I want,” said Draco. the Hope from Pandora’s box, the entirety of her being was consumed by her project.
Granger gave him a magnificent eye roll. Then, relenting at last, she relaxed against In the days that followed, she reached the final brewing stage for the proto-Sanitatem
the shelves and beckoned him closer. and spent every waking hour at the laboratory, preparing to synthesise her miracle and
He crowded in with delight. A bit of her hair caught in his end-of-day stubble as he launch clinical trials.
leaned in. “The whipped cream,” whispered Granger into his ear. November’s full moon crept towards them. Greyback and Granger were in a
“Ah,” said Draco. It was his turn to grin. More than grin. He leaned his forehead fraught arms race, now -- infection versus cure.
into her shoulder and laughed. Watching Granger’s feverish work at the lab, Draco knew that illicit activities with
“I await your answer,” said Granger, her breath brushing at the side of his neck. her Auror -- including a night in Spain that hadn’t happened -- were the last thing on
Draco lifted his head and said, “I think it would require a practical demonstration.” her mind. As the full moon approached, her drive to complete the treatment

532 | A Paedagogical Exchange Thirty-One | 505

bordered on the manic. Her pace was frenetic. She ate only when reminded to and It was lovely to learn The Computer, because Granger slid herself closer to him
often had to be bullied into going home to bed. until their legs touched, and balanced the device between them, and then she put her
There was a blankness in her eyes when she looked at Draco, sometimes, but it hand over his to demonstrate how the ‘touchpad’ worked. All very nice. She showed
wasn’t Occlusion. Her mind was obsessively, fervidly, Elsewhere. him the computer’s functions -- to write, to research, to communicate with others, to
The fire in her was a dangerous thing -- it made her so bright, but it also threatened ‘browse the internet.’
to consume her. He missed her so very much. The internet was a thing that Draco was not quite certain he understood, but
When he wasn’t with Granger at King’s Hall, Draco joined Potter, Weasley, and Granger could write things like ‘cat’ or ‘house’ or ‘oncology’ in a box, and information
their team in the search for Greyback. Potter’s chase was as mad-eyed and frenetic as about the things came up, and pictures, too. It seemed extraordinarily useful. An
Granger’s lab work. They pursued every lead that Draco had dragged out of Larsen. instant encyclopaedia. Granger said that the entire contents of libraries were on it.
Those yielded some captures, but not bloody Greyback. She pushed the computer to him so that he could try the internet. The first thing
Shacklebolt received an emissary from the largest vampire clan in the UK. The he searched for, with much belaboured typing, was “tits.”
cadaverous fellow, a Mr. Dragavei, informed the Minister that several clans had been Granger shrieked out a giggle as she watched the word appear. “Malfoy!” Draco
approached by Greyback to join his cause, as the rumour was now that Granger’s gave a low whistle as he observed the results of his endeavour.
treatment could eventually cure vampirism. Dragavei was adamant that, by and large, “Now tell me what the cloud is, and Hackers,” said Draco, passing the computer
vampires had no quarrel with Granger or her treatment. Those stupid enough to back to her, with five rather nice pairs of tits upon the screen.
want to give up the “exquisite delights” of vampirism were free to do so -- the clans Granger got rid of the tits (a pity) and explained the cloud and Hackers. The cloud
would be staging no actions against Granger and wished to remain well out of the was interesting, conceptually. The Hackers’ lack of axes or other violent weaponry
conflict. If Shacklebolt would kindly do not send Aurors after them, “It vould be disappointed him. Granger confirmed that there was usually no bloodshed involved.
much appreciated, thank you, Minister.” Anticlimactic, overall.
Shacklebolt relayed the story with a shudder. Dragavei had concluded with an offer When Draco had finished poking about on the computer (“bums” and “Draco”
of drinks and told Shacklebolt that, by the by, he smelled delicious. completed his tour of the internet), he passed it back to Granger, who rose and began
to put things away.
“That was informative,” said Draco. “Now I know all of your secrets.”
With November came the completion of the Janus Thickey renovation project. St. “Mm. I may have overplayed my hand -- I don’t know all of yours.”
Mungo’s, bolstered by the Malfoy gift, had not mucked about. They employed the “Oh?”
finest magical architects and engineers to accelerate the demolition and build process, Granger moved towards the door. “But this has been an illuminating evening,
resulting in a fully renovated facility within three months. regardless. Thank you for giving me access to the library, it’s--”
St. Mungo’s arranged a celebration to commemorate the completion of the new Draco had risen, too, and blocked her before she could reach the door handle.
ward. Both Draco and Granger were, of course, invited as guests of honour. Granger “Which secret of mine is intriguing you?”
agreed to step out of her laboratory for one (1) hour, to attend. Draco gave Smethwyck Granger shook her head. “It’s stupid. I won’t tell you.”
a list of stringent security measures that would have to be adhered to, if he wanted “Now I need to know.”
Healer Granger there in person. “You don’t need to know,” said Granger, stepping away from him. There was a
The celebration took place in the ward itself. Those patients who did not wish to smile making its way upon her face.
participate retreated into their private suites -- because, yes, they now had private “I do. You live in my house. You’ve seen me stark bollock naked. You have literally
suites. been me. What mystery persists?”

506 | The (J)Anus (t)hickey ward Thirty-Two | 531

 “That is open to interpretation,” said Granger, with no small degree of swot. Upon his arrival at the ward, Draco ensured that the Aurors and DMLE
“That bard’s very existence is unsubstantiated. You’d be better off putting it under operatives on duty were at their posts and did a Legilimency survey of the attendees.
poetry, I think.” Granger arrived shortly after having received his Jot that all was clear. Draco was
“Kind of you to share your opinion, but in this library, l’État, c’est moi,” said just able to ascertain that she was looking lovely in a set of soft pink robes when she
Draco. Granger looked to be fomenting thoughts of revolution. was surrounded by a crowd and disappeared from view.
They finished their tour. Granger found the sofa nearest the fire and curled up on “Mr. Malfoy, welcome,” said Smethwyck, appearing at Draco’s elbow with a G&T
it, and looked at the library as one might admire a prospective view over a beautiful for him. “May I offer you a tour? Let us begin with the medical facilities. Here on the
landscape. “This may be my favourite spot on this entire estate.” main floor: a consulting room, three treatment rooms, and -- my favourite -- an
“May be? What others would compete for your affections?” operating theatre...”
Granger enumerated upon her fingers. “I like the small salon near the back of the Draco was pleased by what he saw as they went. The new facility was impressive,
house -- the one we were in today -- it’s ever so cosy when Henriette has the fire going. but, more importantly, he was certain that Granger would be overjoyed.
The terrace where we ate over the summer -- that was just lovely. The rose garden is an The ward had been magically expanded and divided into two floors. A large
absolute dream, of course...” entrance foyer opened above into an enchanted ceiling à la Hogwarts, reflecting the
She trailed off as Draco seated himself next to her. “What about a certain window day’s weather (today, a grey November sky). On the upper level were thirty suites and a
ledge?” asked Draco. lounge. The lower level now featured an exercise studio, a small library, and a cafeteria,
It took her a moment, but Granger gathered his meaning, and went pink across currently serving drinks and finger food to the guests.
the cheeks. “I’m not sure I remember that one.” At the far end of the ward, where a few scraggly plants had once struggled for
“No?” existence, there was a vast windowed wall, looking out over London. An indoor
“No.” garden had been built there. A small group was stepping through it with sounds of
“Right. I think you were dreaming.” delight -- Longbottom and his parents. Pansy brought up the rear, a steadying hand
A rather tense silence descended upon the library. on Frank Longbottom’s back.
Granger was the first to crack. She leapt to her feet. “Shall I teach you the A corridor led to a hydrotherapy pool, jutting out of the main building in a feat of
computer? I’ll go fetch it.” magical architecture. It was encircled by windows on all sides and surrounded by
“But we had just got round to doing nothing,” said Draco. tropical plants. A man ponced about in a disturbingly small bathing suit with a long-
Granger looked as though she had decided that doing nothing was a hazardous suffering nurse at his heels. Draco recognised the luscious, if greying, flop of hair:
pursuit. “We may as well, you know. It’s essentially nothing -- for me, anyway. It’s very Lockhart.
easy.” Near the garden was a piano. One of the patients was playing something gentle on
She did not wait for his acquiescence and disappeared to fetch the device. She it. Her family clustered about her with smiles upon their faces. It was Lavender
returned with the computer in her arms and a stack of her pucks. “You look excited,” Brown.
she said as she sat herself next to him. It jarred Draco, seeing her. It reminded him that Greyback had been victimising
“I have been pondering this item’s mysteries for ages.” innocents for years, and was still doing it. He wondered if Granger’s treatment might
do anything about her scars.
“You could’ve asked any Muggle-born, you know.”
He turned away to find himself looking at yet another Greyback victim -- Remus
“No. I wanted you.”
Lupin.
Granger gave him an interrogative look as she pushed at a few of the buttons on
the machine.

530 | A Paedagogical Exchange Thirty-One | 507

 Lupin, looking frail, was leaning on Tonks’ arm, a cane in his hand. Tonks wore a Draco smirked. They shook hands. And, to his delight, Granger did not let go,
tailored men’s suit for the celebration, and, frankly, pulled it off better than most men. afterwards -- she pulled him into the library behind her and drew him along as she
Tonks was fiercely protective of her private life. She had never mentioned that discovered the place.
Lupin had become a patient here. His was the mellow voice that Draco had heard It was gratifying to be with her as she explored the library, which took up an entire
upon his first visit to the ward. wing of the Manor. It was part enormous reading room, part traditional stacks, part
They were speaking with Granger. All three of them were pointing up at the personal museum. Tall windows gave out onto the forest and the lake along the
enchanted ceiling and smiling. estate’s western edge. A fire crackled. Reading desks and oversized armchairs were
Lupin spotted Draco and waved him over. placed in thoughtful arrangements here and there, lit by magical lanterns.
Draco had spoken with Lupin a few times over the years -- at the occasional Auror Granger’s gasps continued to be an enormous source of pleasure. She requested a
Christmas party and other events here and there. He did not like speaking with Lupin. tour. Draco provided. They wandered through the stacks and display cases. Granger
Lupin always looked at him with a sad sort of kindness -- the kindness of a teacher queried Draco upon the classification system, on the Malfoys’ acquisition philosophy,
who watched you make poor choices, and almost destroy your life, but still on their weeding plan.
remembers the child you were. It made Draco feel squeamish, that undeserved, There was a soft light in her eyes.
unspoken caring. Draco was expounding, very interestingly and intelligently, he thought, on the
Today, however, there was a frank joy in the smile that split Lupin’s gaunt face. principles that guided his acquisitions and weeding, when he noticed that her gaze was
“The man of the hour.” unfocused.
“Don’t flatter him too much,” sniffed Tonks. “He’s already unmanageable.” “Are you still with me?” asked Draco.
“Unmanageable? Draco? I don’t believe it,” said Lupin, shaking Draco’s hand. “Yes,” said Granger, blinking.
Granger was holding back a smile. Draco was certain that she had a few opinions of Draco continued.
her own on his manageability. She drifted off again.
Exclamations followed on the pool, the piano, the suites, the garden. Granger was “Hello?” said Draco, vexed.
delighted by everything and rather looked as though she wished to pounce on Draco. “Sorry. Yes. I’m here.”
He positioned himself within an appropriate radius, but she did not proceed. Draco decided to reschedule the lecture, as he was clearly not as fascinating as he
Tonks and Lupin were drawn away by their children, who wanted to play on the thought he was. Granger had a vague smile on her face.
piano. They walked past books and tomes and periodicals and a small collection of prints
“This came together beautifully,” said Granger, positively vibrating. “I’d squeeze and drawings. He showed her the cartography collection. A scrawled Here there be
the life out of you, but -- too many witnesses.” monsters was inscribed upon a 17th century map. Draco pointed at a tiny speck
“Pity. It’d be a good way to go.” amongst seamonsters and said that it was Granger.
“They’ve finally fixed that bloody sign.” They passed through the rare books collection, displayed under glass. Granger
“Have they?” Draco observed the new sign. “I’ll miss the anus hickey Ward.” sighed as she observed the ancient grimoires and manuscripts there.
“It did have a certain cachet.” “Who decided to put The Book of Din Eidyn under nonfiction?” she gasped,
“What’s this about anus hickeys?” came a voice. coming to a sudden halt as she passed a shelf.
It was Theo. “Me,” said Draco.
“We think you look like one,” said Draco. “Tsk,” said Granger.
“The battle happened.”

508 | The (J)Anus (t)hickey ward Thirty-Two | 529

 He hadn’t been joking, but fine. Granger laughed. It was good to see -- she was still there, somewhere, under the
Granger stretched, yawned, and eyed the door. work-fever.
Draco was not ready to let her go yet -- he felt as though he had only just got her “Fuck off, Draco. Hermione, hello -- you look ravishing.” Theo bent over
back. “Are you off to do nothing?” Granger’s hand and brushed a kiss onto it.
Granger observed him with a raised eyebrow. “You look as though you’ve a Which was true, she did, but it was not Theo’s place to say so. Draco, tight-jawed,
compelling alternative in mind.” conveyed this to Theo by impaling him with his eyes.
“I’ve thought of a new bargaining chip, for The Computer. But it can wait.” “How go the sonnets, Draco?” asked Theo.
“Now you’ve intrigued me.” Draco glared. “Shall I recite one for you?”
“Have I? Oh no.” “No.”
“What is it?” “Coward.”
“Come with me.” Granger looked politely confused.
They left the study. Granger fell into step beside Draco, with a few extra hops “What are you doing here, anyway?” asked Draco.
forwards here and there, given the relative lengths of their strides. “Where are we “Auntie Maud.” Theo gestured over his shoulder, where a patient in a long gown
going?” was looking seductively at one of the waiters.
“First it was meant to be a birthday present, as I didn’t know what to get you, “You’re related to Maud?” asked Granger. “That explains so much.”
because you’re a mogul and you can buy yourself whatever you like, and I hadn’t any “Does it?”
ideas besides appalling pyjamas and other less appropriate -- er -- anyway -- Mabon “She’s an insatiable flirt.”
came and went and I lost the moment. Then I wanted to use it to cheer you up when “Runs in the family. I wanted to say, well done, you two -- this place is brilliant. Did
Greyback put his vile posters all over London, but you were consumed by your work you see the pool? I’ve half a mind to order the same thing done at Nott House.”
and hardly had time to sleep.” Theo helped himself to a spring roll from Draco’s plate. Then he stole a stuffed
They arrived at a set of double doors. “Now, since I’ve missed all of my windows of mushroom. Then he plucked Draco’s napkin from his hand, used it, and returned it.
opportunity, I’ve decided that I might as well be a proper scoundrel about it and use it “Piss off, you bloody seagull,” said Draco, waving his hand at him. “Go see to your
as leverage for The Computer.” aunt.” Theo turned around. “Oh no -- what’s she doing?”
Granger breathed out a soft oh when she recognised the doors. She turned to Auntie Maud was eating a cocktail sausage, but indecently.
Draco, the beginnings of a smile upon her lips. “Strategic. I approve.” “I must away,” said Theo. “Well done, again. How wonderful to see you doing
“Wand,” said Draco, holding out his hand. some good in the world, Draco. I always knew you had it in you.” He turned to
Granger placed it in his palm. Draco held it to the doors and, with a few waves of Granger and pressed his hands to hers. “He is a good man, you know, under all the
his own wand, added Granger to a very short list of individuals permitted to enter the dickheadery.”
Malfoy library. Theo left and pretended not to hear Draco inform him that he was a bellend.
He pushed open one of the doors. Granger took an excited step forwards, but Now that they were alone again, Draco was formulating a compliment for
found the way barred by his arm. Granger, because he refused to be shown up by Theo. However, something plucked
She looked up at him. “Yes?” at his trouser leg and interrupted.
“The Computer?” A toddler was holding a damp cocktail sausage, of dubious, Maud-ish provenance,
“I will be your personal tutor until you’ve learned everything your little black heart up to him, for his inspection.
desires.”

528 | A Paedagogical Exchange Thirty-One | 509

 “Hello?” called Draco to the room at large. “There is an unsupervised foetus Draco copied them. The focus was good for him -- he was, apparently, unable to
here?” concentrate on runes and sustain an erection at the same time.
“That’s Mr. Belford’s grandchild,” said Granger, looking about. “Oh -- the family is Granger took a vast, teasing pleasure in critiquing his calligraphy. “Oh, no -- you’ve
in the garden.” made laguz too squishy. Straighten that up. Good. A bit more confidence in the
Granger put her hands on her knees and complimented the sausage. (She hadn't downwards stroke. Right. Try again. What’s happening over here? The roof collapsed
complimented Draco's sausage, by the way -- simply a note upon the injustice. Perhaps over Hverfðar? How does one draw such perfect polyhedra and then do that to a
he, too, ought to parade it about, slightly moist.) rune? It’s got four lines. As for this exhibit -- is it a Cheesy Wotsit? And that one --
Granger swept up the child to return it to its parents, leaving Draco with an empty another of your hedgehogs? And this? A spot of hyperbolic geometry? You’re going
plate, a dirty napkin, and an unspoken compliment. to rend the fabric of the universe, at this rate.”
His mood was not improved by his next visitor -- the absolute throbber that was Draco did not rend the fabric of the universe, but he did laugh too hard and poke a
McLaggen. hole through the parchment.
There were far too many malformed sausages at this party. Granger studied it with a held-back smile, but offered no censure: “Runes are
McLaggen was looking quite handsome in a suit and tie. Draco noted that he had meant to be carved, after all.”
chosen a Muggle suit. It annoyed him. After a few more practice runs, Granger pronounced herself pleased.
“Well done, mate,” said McLaggen, shaking Draco's hand. “Incredible gift.” They progressed to the wand movements. To prevent any universe-rending or
Draco was on a ‘mate’ basis with very few people and McLaggen was not one of other botheration, Granger put her hand over his as he drew out the runes into the air.
them. He gave the man a smile that hardly merited the name. It was a mere tightening Her hand was gentle over his, her palm soft over his knuckles.
of the lips -- a sm at best. Draco’s first few attempts, paired with his horrid pronunciation, were botched
McLaggen prattled on about the ward for a bit, before reaching the real reason for aberrations. Then Granger spoke the runic command with him, and that, along with
his visit. “Can I ask you something rather -- er -- personal?” he asked. her guiding hand, resulted in the glow of golden runes, suspended, only for a
“What?” moment, in the air.
“Are you and Hermione...?” The candles flickered.
“Are we what?” Granger removed her hand from his so that he could crack on by himself. Draco
“Seeing each other? Together?” pondered whether he ought to feign incompetence -- but he also did not wish to look
Seeing each other? Daily. Together? All the time. Together together? Absurd. They stupid in front of her.
merely maintained a complicated Equilibrium out of mutual paranoia and Reasons, A dilemma for the ages. Pride won out. He tried again and the runes glowed for a
and shagged during Pagan holidays, and pretended it didn’t happen, and he said longer moment, and half the candles in the study were extinguished.
nothing because he didn't do feelings, but he suffered in anguish because he had them The fire, however, crackled on merrily. Impertinent thing.
anyway, and the more he tried to quash her out of his heart, the more she lived there, a “That was a very fair attempt,” said Granger. “Well done.”
bright thing in dark places, but it was fine and all under control. She was looking at him with a mixture of satisfaction and admiration, which
“No,” said Draco, to sum it up succinctly. pleased Draco very much and sent lovely little flutterings to both his ego and his groin.
“Ah. Is she seeing anyone? Do you know?” Granger -- sadly -- decided to end her perching upon his chair. She rose with a
“I don’t know and, frankly, don’t care,” said Draco, while caring deeply. groan and pressed a hand to her arse. “My bum’s gone numb.”
“Right. I only thought to ask because you two seem -- friendly.” “Shall I massage it?” asked Draco.
“Friendly.” “That’s quite all right,” said Granger with a laugh.

510 | The (J)Anus (t)hickey ward Thirty-Two | 527

 Draco took advantage of her shifted attention to pull at a trouser leg, discreetly, so McLaggen gestured to the ward around them. “You just did all of this and said it
that the bulge looked like an innocuous fold in the material. More or less. was for her, mate.”
Granger cast the spell a few times, interspersed with a few more scribbles of “It was. She saved my life.”
arithmancy. Her casting was slow and her ward was small, but it was clear that she had “Right.”
understood the gist of it. On her fifth attempt, a fairly credible silvery net splayed itself They took a sip of their respective drinks, eyeing each other with thinly veiled
across the door, shimmered, and disappeared. dislike. “May I now ask you something personal?” asked Draco.
“Well done,” said Draco, instead of ‘I am wildly turned on at the moment.’ “All right.”
“I shall have to practise. What an interesting ward -- I’ve not seen arithmancy “What makes you think you’re good enough for her?”
applied to spellwork this way, I don’t think.” McLaggen stared at him. The offence came upon him slowly. He stood to face
“It’s useful. I’ve tried to teach it to other Aurors but most of them haven’t any Draco, shoulders square, face reddening. “What do you mean by that, exactly?”
interest as soon as they see the arithmantic notations.” “Which word didn’t you understand? Never mind -- let me rephrase. You’re not
Granger tutted. “Their loss.” good enough for her.”
She made as though to get up, but Draco touched his fingers to her arm. McLaggen had finished processing the insult, and, since he hadn’t the brains for a
“What?” verbal resolution, he appeared to be moving to the next stage -- they were either about
“Our quid pro quo, Professor. The runic command.” to exchange hexes or fisticuffs.
“Right.” Granger shifted in her seat to face him. One of her legs was tucked under “You needn’t be so offended,” said Draco with a careless shrug. “I’m not sure
her where she perched on the armrest, the other rested lightly between his. anyone is good enough for her.”
Very good. This gave McLaggen pause. His fist, which had been balled at his side, relaxed.
Granger held up her wand and drew out four golden runes. “Hverfðar viþ inn “She can decide who’s good enough for her.”
laguz.” The candles went out and the fire in the hearth reduced to a glow of embers. “I agree.”
“Oops,” said Granger in the sudden darkness. “But she likes to play hard to get. Has done since Hogwarts. She just needs a little
She waved her wand and the candles lit themselves again. “It’s an apotropaic nudge.”
syntax. The runes are from the Meginrunar syllabary, but I interpolated prosodics “A nudge?”
from the Rúnatal. It translates -- broadly -- to ‘extinguish.’ Try the incantation first -- “I’ve got -- leverage.”
the intonation is a bit tricky.” “Have you?” asked Draco. “What sort of leverage?”
Draco tried. Granger shook her head and repeated the ancient syllables slowly. “Strategic seats on strategic boards.”
He tried again. Granger tutted. “You’re tripping up on the palatal ejectives.” “A real knicker-dropper of a move, that.”
“The whats?” McLaggen shrugged. “The usual enticements don’t work on her -- money, looks.
“Stop sounding so posh. You’re speaking ancient runic, not ordering foie gras at As you might’ve discovered.”
the Seneca.” Draco tried again, infusing a bit of Nordic harshness to his speech. “I haven’t.”
“Better. If only you spoke German instead of French.” Granger sighed and looked “Hm.”
wistful. “Their fricatives are to die for. Now, the runes.” Draco’s next question was eminently casual. “Have you spoken to Smethwyck
Granger plucked up the quill and dipped it into the fragmented remains of the ink today?”
pot. She drew four runes on the parchment. “Hippocrates? No. Why?”

526 | A Paedagogical Exchange Thirty-One | 511

 “I believe he’s got a bit of news for you.” “I do.”
“What news?” “My word. This has become stimulating.”
“I suppose there’s no harm in telling you now,” mused Draco. “You’re no longer a Granger pressed her lips together. “Whether I can remember it all, however...” She
member of the St. Mungo’s Board of Directors.” planted two elbows on the desk and muttered vague recollections of Köhler’s.
“What?” Yes. Stimulating. His cock twitched out a hello against his inner thigh.
Draco looked apologetic. “I had you removed. Sorry, mate.” Granger had taken off her bulky jumper and was wearing a thin Muggle top.
McLaggen sputtered. “You -- what? Who the bloody hell do you think you are? Draco stared at the flare of her hips -- very holdable, you know, very nicely shaped for a
You don’t decide whether or not I--” man’s hands, if a man were having filthy thoughts while a woman calculated primary
“I do. It was one of my stipulations. For a gift of this magnitude, they were happy vertices.
to comply. You’ve apparently been considered a reputational risk for a few years -- He decided to avert his eyes before he developed a full-on erection. The window
something to do with your behaviour around women, particularly Granger. They’ve across from his desk provided an unhelpful distraction. It was dark outside and all he
also brought this concern to the MNHS. I believe you’re one of the Trustees there. could see was a reflection of the candle-lit study. Granger was leaning over, providing a
I’m not certain how long you’ll keep that seat, either. lovely view of cleavage and the top edge of her bra.
Consider this a friendly head’s up -- perhaps you can resign and avoid losing face.” Brilliant. Should he just have a wank over his Principal right here? She was
In the centre of the foyer, Smethwyck was tapping a glass and calling for everyone’s distracted and it would probably take him a minute? Gods.
attention. Granger made some breakthrough or other and began to scribble away. “Done!”
“That’s for me,” said Draco. He placed his plate and dirty napkin in McLaggen’s she said, and flung down the quill.
hands. “Hold these -- there’s a good lad. I’ve got to go.” Draco leaned forwards to study the parchment and her elegant solution. Yes. She had
Smethwyck, representatives from the MNHS, and Healer Crutchley, all made done it.
speeches. Crutchley’s was by far the most touching; she had seen decades of neglect And it was fucking erotic.
turned around in a matter of months and seemed half convinced that this was all a The inkpot on his desk exploded. Granger jumped. “What the--?!”
dream. Draco and Granger were variously pulled to the front of the crowd, made to An uncontrolled magical spurt. Wonderful. A step above coming in his pants.
say a few words, pulled back into the crowd, pushed forwards again, toasted, “Sorry,” said Draco, Vanishing away the evidence of his premature inkjaculation.
photographed, and toasted again. “Are you all right?”
In the mingling that followed, Draco saw Granger being approached by members “I was -- overstimulated.”
of the Board. Most were treating her with a cautious respect. Some approached with “Overstimulated?” repeated Granger, looking far more mystified than she had at
apprehension, as though she might get cutty-uppy and launch herself at them with a any point during his explanation.
scalpel. (They needn’t have worried on that front; she only did that when her Auror’s Draco cleared his throat. “Shall we carry on? You’ll be doing these calcs in your
brains were about to be splattered onto the floor by a Viking.) head after the first few times. The wand movement is similar to Salvio Hexia, only we
Narcissa had indicated to Draco that she would suffer the English damp for a few want the upward cuts to equal c3. Which can take a long time, as you might imagine.
hours and look in on the celebration. She arrived in time for the speeches, tanned and The casting intent isn’t protection, it’s fortification. Do take note of that, the nuance
still smelling like whatever terrace in Seville she had been lingering upon matters. The incantation is Caeli Praesidium, once, at the beginning. That’s all.”
When she spotted Granger, Narcissa greeted her with far more warmth than “Right,” said Granger. “Let me give it a go.”
Draco would have expected -- perhaps the heat of Seville lingered in her, too. “Ward the door.”

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 She solved it in half a minute, which was, frankly, fucking sexy. A little tingle of Draco was in the clutches of the Belford family, which had gathered about him to
pleasure coursed through Draco. thank him and explain Mr. Belford’s long standing Bubotuber haemorrhoids, which
He produced a more challenging example and gave her the quill again. He sat back had been cured, and have their toddler hold the cocktail sausage in his face.
to observe her. Draco lured them towards Granger to hear what was being said between her and
She brushed the tip of the feather against her lip as she pondered the new problem. his mother
Over his many years as an eligible bachelor and general libertine, Draco had been Granger was gesturing towards the ward at large and expressing gratitude in that
on the receiving end of a great many seduction tactics. Granger’s inattentive lip- passionate way of hers.
brushing ranked amongst the most tantalising. Narcissa seemed quite taken with Granger. She pressed Granger’s hands into hers.
After a longer bit of working out, she solved the second example, too. Draco was -- “Please do not speak to me of gratitude. You returned my son to the world of the
titillated. living. This is but a gesture. You must tell me if there is anything else my family can do
He wished that she would slide off the arm rest and fall into his lap. That would be for you. How are your larders?”
the pinnacle of whatever this was -- this sapiophile’s wet dream. Granger in his lap, “Erm -- they’re fine -- and you’ve done more than enough, really gone above and
solving obscure bits of arithmantic exponentiation. beyond--”
His next challenge was unfair. Granger attempted it, stopped in confusion, then “It’s only money,” said Narcissa, with a hand wave and lack of concern that only
gave him an accusatory look, before breaking the arithmancy down in reverse. the truly wealthy can indulge in. She peered at the enchanted ceiling. “Draco normally
“Tss. Your starting point was pentagons. This one has square facets.” has little time or patience for charity work -- his mind is bent on the investment side of
“Well spotted,” smirked Draco. He held his hand out for her to return the quill. things, you know, and I manage the philanthropic activities -- but in this case, he did
“What happens if we augment it?” asked Granger, withholding the quill. remarkably well.”
“We would rend the fabric of the universe, I expect.” “He did.”
“Let’s see.” “You managed to hone a new sort of focus in him.”
She worked through the calculation. “Oh. A geodesic subdivision resulting in right “Oh, yes, a focus.” Granger gave Narcissa one of her stiff smiles.
angle triangles, not equilateral ones. Not as strong, I suppose.” “He seems happy. I really do just want him to be happy, you know?”
Draco looked at Granger’s interesting creation. “That would be my assumption, “Of course.”
too.” “I want him to find something -- someone -- to make him happy.”
“There’s a beauty to it, isn’t there?” Narcissa looked significantly at Granger. Granger, blushing, stared at her gin fizz as
“There is,” said Draco, not talking about geometry, obviously. “Are you game for though her entire being was held in its thrall. Draco considered launching himself at
one more?” Narcissa and tackling her into the ground.
Granger looked suspicious. “All right.” “Forgive me for my motherly witterings-on,” said Narcissa. “At any rate, he has
“No tricks, this time, I promise -- only complexities.” impressed me. Perhaps he will be able to take on the mantle, after all. I always wished
He produced a final example, a rather nasty one, to ensure that she would be he would be more concerned with these things, you know. Did you see the little
occupied for longer than a moment, so that he could indulge in this experience, in the garden? I wouldn’t have put the chrysanthemums quite so close to the lily grass, they
push of her hip against his arm, in the brush of her heel against his shin. get a bit lost in it, but otherwise...”
“Hm,” said Granger. “I need to use Köhler’s law.” The toddler escaped again and came to show Granger the cocktail sausage.
“You know Köhler’s?” “Oh!” said Narcissa. “Is it an orphan?”

524 | A Paedagogical Exchange Thirty-One | 513

 “Er -- no -- he belongs to the Belfords,” said Granger, lifting the child up again and Draco sat himself behind his desk. He had expected that Granger would take one
looking about the room. “He’s going to get trod on.” of the two seats for guests across from it. However, when she saw him drawing
“Are you sure? He looks like an orphan. He’s so dirty. Perhaps he is a street urchin. parchment and an inkpot towards himself, she joined him on his side of the desk, and
Why is he holding a sausage? Did he pickpocket it? Where are the nannies?” perched herself upon one of his chair’s wide armrests.
The flock of Belfords swooped by to pick up their errant child. Granger was Draco did not mind this invasion of personal space in the least. It felt wonderful to
buffeted about between family members in a whirl of thanks and congratulations and have her back.
haemorrhoid updates, until Narcissa’s thin hand hooked her round the elbow and “So. Caeli Praesidium.” Draco inked his quill and drew out a few lines. “I suppose
fished her out of the vortex to resume their conversation. you know what a geodesic polyhedron is?”
Draco joined them. “I do. Some viruses have capsids shaped like geodesic polyhedra, actually.”
“Ah, Draco, there you are. I was just telling Healer Granger that you’ve impressed “Capsids?”
me with your management of a philanthropic exercise at this scale.” “A sort of shell, made of protein.” Granger waved her hand at him. “Continue.”
“All I did was sign off on the transfer of the funds. The planning was all -- all “Right. My intent with this ward was to distribute any incoming magical forces
someone else at the hospital.” throughout the structure. Most traditional wards have a point of weakness that can be
“Oh? Well. Someone rather brilliant, I imagine,” said Narcissa. “It is very well brute forced through concussive or compressive magicks -- especially the parabolic
thought out. Only the chrysanthemums.” wards that we typically see used over dwellings. No ward is unbreakable, of course, but
Draco looked at Granger. She gave her head the most minute shake. Very well. He Caeli Praesidium requires far more magical pressure over a longer period to crack.”
wouldn’t point out that the brilliant Someone was right here. Draco drew a few more polyhedra. “In essence, the more vertices cross the sphere --
“You did well in your speeches, Draco,” continued Narcissa. “Not too verbose. Do like this -- the stronger it is. After you’ve established the ward’s desired scale and
try to smile a little, next time. We don’t want to look haughty. We are men of the strength, you need a bit of arithmancy to divide its face and calculate its potency. So in
people, etcetera.” this dodecahedron, for example--” he sketched it out “--I could divide those pentagons
“Of course.” up into triangles, and from there into even smaller triangles. This gives us a great many
Narcissa gave a little shiver and pulled her shawl more closely around her thin more vertices. That’s called augmentation.”
shoulders. “Is there a draught? I believe there’s a draught. Did someone open a He looked up to see if he had lost his audience yet, but no; Granger, her hands
window? I suppose it’s just me -- I was just in Seville, Healer Granger, and I shall be folded upon her lap, was the very picture of rapt attention.
returning there directly. I cannot abide the English damp anymore. I suppose it’s He could still smell winter on his own clothes, but she smelled of the fire from the
age...” salon.
Granger was called away to speak with reporters from the Prophet. Narcissa “Now for the arithmancy. This formula--” he wrote it out “--gives us the number
beckoned Draco closer with a crook of her finger. “Draco,” she said in a conspiratorial of vertices the polyhedron will have and its potential magical force. Of course, the
whisper. more complex it is, the more exhausting to cast -- but the longer it will last.”
There was Rebujito on her breath -- sherry and lemon. It wasn’t the heat of Seville “Ooh,” said Granger, eyeing the formula. “That’s multiplex arithmancy. I haven’t
that was lingering in her -- his mother was nicely tipsy and having a grand time of it. It done that since uni. Can I have a go?”
explained the volubility. Draco jotted out an example for her to work on and passed her the quill. She
“What?” leaned upon an elbow. There was a quiet delight in her as she worked -- in the press of
“I’ve been thinking,” said Narcissa. the quill on the parchment, in the thinking.
“Oh no.”

514 | The (J)Anus (t)hickey ward Thirty-Two | 523

 “What?” asked Granger. “Yes. Do we know if Healer Granger is single?”
“You eat like a pygmy puff.” “Mother.”
Granger looked provoked. Then she sniffed. “I should like to compare you to “I am merely curious. I’ve been pondering -- possibilities. Don’t be so defensive.
some creature or other -- but I must be fair. Poor table manners don’t number You look as though you’ve just licked a nettle. Do you like her? I think you ought to
amongst your many flaws.” like her. She is not milquetoast. You still haven’t told me in what capacity you are
Draco was simultaneously flattered and offended. “My many flaws?” working together.”
Now Granger looked prim. “I literally cannot tell you that. I’ve taken a Vow of Secrecy.”
“What did I do?” asked Draco. “What didn’t I do?” “Have you? Hm. It must be important, then. Find out if she’s single. Be proactive,
“Just another broken promise,” said Granger, lightly, as one would, if one’s trust in Draco.”
men had been obliterated, yet again, by Draco Malfoy. “Mother.”
“Oh, we’re doing this again, are we?” “I am merely making a suggestion. Passivity breeds only pain, dear. I learned this
“Yes.” over a long life of it. Don’t be like me. Oh -- watch out behind you -- that orphan is
“Which promise?” back again -- mind your pockets -- no, child, I do not want the sausage--”
“You never taught me Caeli Praesidium.” Narcissa drifted off to continue her rounds and vaguely promised to send Draco a
Draco was piqued. “You never taught me the things you were meant to, either.” Jot when she returned to Seville.
Granger was holding back a smile. “I suppose we’ve both been a bit busy.” It was Draco’s turn to be interviewed by the Prophet. He said various nice things
“A bit.” about the importance of long-term care and Giving, all while reeling at his mother’s
“Are you busy tonight?” asked Granger. new infatuation with Granger.
“You’re meant to be doing nothing.” The rogue toddler continued its rampage. It tugged at Longbottom’s trousers with
“I know.” vigour. Draco looked over at precisely the wrong moment. The trousers slid down
and opened before him a magnificent panorama of Longbottom’s long bottom.
“Learning my most complex ward is not nothing.”
“Permit me this extravagance.” Healer Crutchley gave Draco and Granger enormous hugs, suffocating each of
them in turn in her ample chest.
“Fine. But you’re going to teach me the runic command.”
Granger came back up for air looking mildly disturbed. Draco, more accustomed
Granger hopped to her feet and looked eager. “All right.”
to tits in his face, merely fixed his hair.
She had managed to do nothing for all of ten minutes.
When they were free of Crutchley’s abundant bosoms, Granger pulled Draco to
“Let’s go to my study,” said Draco. “I shall have to draw some things out. It gets a
the side. “Smethwyck’s just told me about McLaggen’s seat on the Board. Was that
bit -- theoretical.”
your doing?” she asked.
“Ooh,” said Granger, following him out of the salon. “I like theory.”
“Me? No. I don’t meddle with affairs of hospital governance.”
Draco opened the door to his study and stepped aside to let her in. She looked
“I don’t believe you.”
about, taking in the furnishings, the heavy curtains, the candles floating in glowing
“You’re right not to. Did Smethwyck tell you who the vacant seat would be going
clusters. The fire sputtered and purred.
to?”
One wall was dominated by a painting of some of his grandfather’s prized
“No...?”
Abraxans. The winged horses’ ears pricked at the sight of Granger. One gave her a
curious little whicker. “Me,” said Draco.

522 | A Paedagogical Exchange Thirty-One | 515

 Granger’s eyebrows rose. “Congratulations. A whole new pestilence of
incompetence awaits you.”
“No. It awaits you.”
“What?”

32
“I’ve named you my delegate for the seat. I hope that’s all right.”
The smile, gods, the smile.
“That is -- very all right,” said Granger.
The brightness in her eyes, the lip bite, the glance down.
“Whip them into shape, Granger.”
“It will be my absolute pleasure to.”
They sipped their drinks. Now she was giving him a long and wondering look. A Paedagogical Exchange
“What?” asked Draco.
“Nothing. Well -- something. I agree with Ernie.”

A
“Oh?” t the Manor, a briskly snapping fire awaited them in the smallest salon. The
“They’re all right after all, these Malfoys.” curtains had been drawn against the darkening sky. Henriette laid out a small
Draco touched his glass to hers with his most Malfoyish smirk. goûter of cheese squares, tapenade, and tiny quiches lorraines.
The celebration drew to a close. After goodbyes, Draco accompanied a They divested themselves of their winter things. Draco installed himself
Disillusioned Granger to the St. Mungo’s foyer, where a line of Floo hearths flickered. in an armchair in shirtsleeves and braces. Granger flung herself onto one of the sofas,
They found the place unusually crowded. There was a crush of people milling folded her hands upon her chest, and smiled at the ceiling.
about and sounds of confusion. Pieces of parchment were fluttering everywhere, Her elation was catching. Draco, too, felt a deep gladness -- for the wizarding world
stuck to the ceiling, fixed upon windows, blowing about. at large, but also for her, for having achieved something so meaningful after so much
Montjoy, one of the Aurors on duty, shoved his way to Draco and Granger. effort. The months had been long, the dangers had been many, the occasions for
“Get her out of here,” he muttered when he got close. giving up, innumerable.
“What’s going on?” And she hadn’t given up. She had pushed through. She had gone forth and
Montjoy used a low-level Depulso to push people out of the way as Draco pulled conquered. He brimmed with admiration.To communicate this powerful emotion,
Granger’s invisible self towards the fires. Draco floated a cube of cheese above Granger’s face.
“Hundreds -- thousands of these, all over the foyer,” said Montjoy, snatching up a “Can I help you?” said Granger to the cheese.
piece of parchment. “You haven’t eaten. Henriette will be vexed.”
“Humphreys just Jotted me -- says they’re all over the Ministry, too.” Now he tried to float the cheese into her mouth. It bumped her nose and chin.
There was a Gemino Curse on the parchment -- even as Montjoy held it, Granger swatted away the cheese. Draco wished to indicate that he was better at
duplicates sprang into existence and spilled onto the floor. aiming for mouths with other things.
Upon the parchment was a photograph of Granger. And below it, the following Granger sat up and Summoned a few crackers towards herself. It was the first time
lines, in a rough, uneven hand: they’d eaten together in a long time. Draco watched her partake in one of the quiches
lorraines in small bites.
Give me Granger and the attacks stop
516 | The (J)Anus (t)hickey ward Thirty-Two | 521
 “Do you think ‘Partner in Unspecified Crimes’ would constitute an admission of
guilt?” They had expected an escalation from Greyback, and there it was.
“I don’t know -- you’re the Auror.” It happened not in the form of another direct attack on her, but something far
“Mm. Better not.” more insidious. Something that turned the eyes of the entire wizarding population on
“Perhaps I shall simply say, my heartfelt thanks to Draco Malfoy--” her and offered a hideous incentive to help Greyback reach her. Key magical locations
“I like it.” in the UK had received the same treatment as St. Mungo’s.
“--whose hair was sacrificed many times for the cause.” In collaboration with Granger, the Ministry released a statement on the nature of
“That adds the required gravitas.” her breakthrough. With the announcement that a cure for lycanthropy was
“That’s settled, then. Thank you.” proceeding to clinical trials, Greyback’s self-interested cowardice was exposed.
“We ought to celebrate. Do you want to invite anyone to the Manor tonight? I’ve a But, as November’s full moon drew nearer, there were whispers, too. Two terror-
bottle of 1972 Beaujeu-Saint-Vallier?” filled full moons had passed and another loomed. The population was on edge. Some
“1972?! Goodness, no. Save it for a special occasion.” had already lost. Some were terrified of losing.
“You are the special occasion.” The damage was done. Granger could no longer go out in public. She was, for all
Granger laughed, then grew pensive. At length, she said, “Quite frankly, tonight, intents and purposes, confined to the Manor and the lab.
I’d rather do nothing at all.” She took the hardship as well as Draco could have hoped. If Greyback had
She looked out at the still lake. Under her coat, her shoulders relaxed. With the first intended to isolate her, he failed. Her Jotter buzzed endlessly with messages of
infusions completed, a tremendous pressure had been lifted from her. support. Her cottage was half buried in letters. Requests to participate in the clinical
The mania of the fire had abated. She was back in her own head again. trials flooded her postbox at Cambridge from all over the world. The Prophet’s front
page was plastered with editorial outrage and letters from the populace expressing
Draco felt the change when their eyes met. Now he wasn’t being repelled by fever-
their disgust at Greyback’s attempt at coercion.
heat and a mind too burdened to spare a thought to anything but the work. Now he
was drawn in again by the usual warmth. The quiet attraction. The pull. Narcissa sent Draco an alarmed Jot to make sure he kept Healer Granger safe from
that lunatic; should they offer the Manor to her? When Draco showed her the note,
He held out his elbow to her. “Let’s go do nothing at all. I don’t believe anyone has
Granger smiled the first smile he’d seen in days.
ever deserved it more.”
During November’s full moon, the Danish Auror HQ sent a detachment of thirty
They hadn’t really touched each other since Spain. She looked up at him with a
of their own Aurors to assist with the next round of attacks. Between that and a
swift smile. He felt her grasp upon his elbow and the press of warm fingers through
population that was now taking the threat seriously, only eight were infected, none
his cloak.
killed.
She was back.
November faded into December. There were good moments with the bad.
His heart soared with the wind and went to meet the sky.
Granger’s fire, far from being quenched by Greyback, flared even more impressively.
In a moment of triumph at the lab that Draco felt honoured to witness, she
completed the synthesis of the first batch of doses of the cure for lycanthropy. The
laboratory was rocked by shrieks, jumps, and applause, as the entirety of Granger’s
team heaped themselves upon her. Then they all sat or laid down on the floor, and
someone opened champagne, and they passed the bottle around because they were
too exhausted to conjure glasses. Granger attempted to make a speech, but her voice

520 | The (J)Anus (t)hickey ward Thirty-One | 517

failed, and she put her face in her hands, and was wracked with silent sobs. This began Granger pressed her mittens to her mouth, smiling, incredulous. “I -- yes. We need
a chain reaction of crying throughout her team, which only ceased when three or four to see how the numbers come back, after the first few infusions. But -- yes.”
more bottles of champagne had been consumed. She looked up at the sky winnowed by the wind. It was one of those December
Many hours later, Draco found himself standing in a silent laboratory at midnight, days when the firmament is a pure blue brilliance. The white puff of her sigh was
with everyone asleep on the floor at his feet. carried up by a gust and disappeared into it.
He carried Granger home through the Floo. There was a lovely, trembling sort of joy about her -- the exhausted, can’t-believe-it
Granger finished passing submissions through a hideous maze of Codes, joy of one who has achieved something after much effort and is slowly coming to revel
Authorities, Standards, and research and ethics review boards, and began phase one in the elation of it.
clinical trials. There were tears in her eyes.
Lupin was amongst the first group of patients to receive a dose. Draco escorted a She took in a shaky breath.
Disillusioned Granger to St. Mungo’s to administer it. Lupin’s family was all around Draco gave her a handkerchief instead of the bone-crushing hug he wanted to give
him. Tonks held one hand, his teenage son the other. His daughter was upon his her. “I should like to point out that these are happy tears,” said Granger with a sniff.
knees. “Obviously.”
Granger was all gentle professionalism as she administered the infusion. There was Granger dabbed her eyes, then held the handkerchief to her chest. She cleared her
a smile on Lupin’s thin face and hope in his eyes that matched the Hope that was throat. “I’ll be writing an article on this project, now that my work is public. Perhaps
pushed into his veins. even a book. And I shall have a long list of dedications and thanks. This has been the
Draco saw Tonks cry for the first time. work of many hands and many minds. Everyone at the lab, of course, and so many
colleagues whose work I incorporated, and the researchers that came before me,
and...”
When Draco and Granger returned to the Manor that afternoon, Granger, her own “And?”
eyes rather bright, said that she fancied a walk, would he like to come? “I’d like to add you,” said Granger.
He would. Of course. An unexpected spark of happiness was lit in Draco. “Would you?”
They cast warming charms upon themselves, then crunched along a frosty path “Yes.”
bordered by ferns of ice and creaking birches, silver on white. Their breath streamed “I’d be -- honoured,” said Draco, unable to stop a delighted grin from making its
behind them. way across his face.
For a time, they said nothing. Granger was thoughtful as she picked her way past “I haven’t decided how to phrase it yet. Would you prefer anonymity? I could use
frozen puddles. Draco kept pace with her small steps, sometimes just behind her, some sort of epithet -- I would like to thank the thorn in my side?”
sometimes next to her. “The Nuisance Auror?” suggested Draco.
They came to the end of the path. It gave out onto a mirror-still lake whose edges “The opportunistic ghoul?”
glittered with new frost. The air smelled cold and clear, so pure that it was dizzying to “The real pestilence of incompetence?”
take in too deep a breath. “Crotch?”
Granger stood upon the embankment and clasped her mittened hands together. “Then you must sign off as Hormone.”
Draco came to stand next to her. “That may be difficult to explain to the editor.”
They stood in silence. He nudged her with an elbow. She looked up at him.
“You did it,” said Draco.

518 | The (J)Anus (t)hickey ward Thirty-One | 519

 Granger clambered onto the bed. “I thought they added a bit of Scottish There was such a loveliness in all of it -- her mouth keeping pace with his slow
panache--” kisses, the lightness of her in his arms, her gasps. It was a rapture, a magic. He wanted
“The Scots have no panache. Don’t put those words together--” to tell her that she had him, that he was hers. He wanted her for his own.
“They’ve got loads of panache.” He loved her. He kissed this realisation into her neck. He was light-headed with it,
“--I am going to buy you so many inappropriate, Muggley negligée things that sick with it, afloat with it.
you will have a new one to wear every night.” The dinner gong rang.
He began to undo her buttons. After the stupidities -- gorgeous, bright, shining stupidities -- Draco found that
“Likewise,” said Granger, observing his progress. “Theo’s pyjamas inspired me. there was love in everything he did. It was in the door he held open for her as they left
We can find you something even better. Something with a -- a penis hatch.” the library, in the brush of his shoulder against hers in the corridor, in his walking her
“A penis hatch?” to the dining room.
“Yes, for ease of accessibility -- a little opening--” There was desperate love when he stood still for her to fix his collar. There was
“Little?” tender love when he pulled out her chair. There was aching love in pouring her a glass
“I’m sorry -- a gaping opening -- a veritable chasm -- oh--” of wine. When he, like a fool, reached to push a curl of her hair behind her ear, it was
Granger’s soliloquy on penis flaps was cut off because Draco had freed her wrecked with love.
breasts from the hideous pyjamas and now had his mouth upon them. He teased her for her small bites because he loved her. He threatened to steal her
She lay next to him and ran her hand down his front and opened his fly, and any last profiterole because he loved her. It was why he followed her into crypts -- why he
witticisms Draco had been ready to launch vanished, except for stroke me like a wrestled hinds in swamps -- why he kissed her scar.
bedpost, which did not seem strong enough to share with the class. And that pull -- that gravitational force -- l’appel du vide -- was falling into love, over
But that was fine. He did not need to share anything with the class. His face was and over again.
in Granger’s tits and his mouth was occupied with a nipple and his brain power was At the foot of the stairs, after dinner, there was frightened love in his “Good
reduced to zero as all of his blood was currently in his cock, which was enjoying the night,” pulling back on itself, trying to keep itself secret.
sensation of Granger’s hand, slipped into his trousers, caressing it and squeezing His “Sleep well” sounded like “Come here and kiss me again.”
gently at his balls. As she went up the stairs, and he watched her ascend, her every step away from
“As it turns out,” said Draco, “the Malfoy attractant formula is simply -- you.” him was a heartache.
“Yes,” breathed Granger. “You feel as though you’re ready to do a -- a penetration He ran his hand through his hair and stared at the empty stairs.
test--” He loved her. It was in every embrace, in flights under stars, in the crossing of
She squeaked out a laugh and fell off the bed. swords, in secret ballroom dances, in the giving of things, in the life-savings, in the
Draco pulled her back up. “Really.” He put her hand back on his cock. “As you passing of handkerchiefs, the accidental touchings, the arguing about hyphenated
were, Granger.” surnames, the drunken picnics, the shared cups of tea. He loved her.
“See,” breathed Granger as she slipped her hand back into his trousers. “This is She made him understand the word.
why we need a penis hatch. I’m going to get a bloody cramp.”
“We both ought to divest ourselves of -- everything,” said Draco, kicking off his
trousers.
“Yes.”

572 | Dynamic Fluid Exchanges Thirty-Two | 537

 “Yes. The lowest common denominator,” said Draco. He pushed his cock into
her harder, in case his meaning was not resoundingly clear. “Will you accompany
me to my room?”
“Don’t you mean your chambers?” asked Granger in a breathy drawl.

33
Draco took her hand and began to pull her towards the Manor. “Don’t be
cheeky, or I shall make you regret it.”
Granger smiled at him. He stopped to kiss her hard.
They stumbled back to the Manor, hand in hand. They crept upstairs through
the back stairway near the kitchens, like naughty teenagers, to avoid being seen by

Heroics, Hazards of their multitude of guests.

Upstairs, Granger looked about Draco’s rooms curiously, passing through the
sitting room, the dressing room, peeking into the bathroom, and, finally, coming to
the bedroom.

N
otorious Auror Draco Malfoy was in love with his Principal. “What are you smiling about?” asked Granger, looking at Draco over her
Everything was not under control and everything was not fine. shoulder.
Draco’s harrowing realisation made things untenable on two fronts. He was smiling? Oh.
He therefore got out of bed the next morning with two objectives, Draco closed the bedroom door behind him and flung up a few wards. “It is --
both of which filled him with different kinds of dread. delightful to finally have you here in person.”
First, given that this was no longer Quashable, Equilibriumable, or remotely under “Have I been here in other states?” asked Granger, running her hand up the
control, he needed to speak to Tonks and resign formally from the Granger bedpost, which shouldn’t have been as provocative as it was.
assignment. Draco laid himself on the bed. “Many. Dream versions of you, terribly naughty
Second, having rid himself of the fetters of their professional relationship, he was fantasy versions of you...”
going to go to Granger, and bare his anguished soul to her. “You must tell me about the latter.”
And, if that went well, he formed a vague tertiary objective involving snogging her Draco wanted to follow up with something clever and sexy, but Granger chose
to within an inch of her life. that moment to shed her shawl and expose her hideous pyjamas.
(Also shagging her to within an inch of her life. But first, the snogging. He was a “Gods,” said Draco, instead of the clever and sexy thing.
gentleman.) “Whatever is the matter?” asked Granger. “Don’t you like these? Am I --
Draco arrived at the office that morning -- well, morning-ish -- to find Potter curdling your jizz?”
preparing to hold a WTF update. He asked Tonks if he might have a word with her “You are a vision,” said Draco.
after the meeting. She fixed him with an inquisitive look, nodded, then gestured at Granger ran a seductive hand down her tartan-lined hip. “Aren’t I? Take me, I’m
him to sit down -- Potter was about to begin. yours.”
As Potter enumerated a few of the WTF’s limited successes that week, Draco “You mustn’t say things like that unless you mean them.”
rehearsed his speech to Tonks. He would say that he was taking her up on her prior “I do mean them.”
offer to drop the Granger job. He would insist that Granger keep the ring, but remove “Well then,” said Draco. “Come here. I must divest you of those -- things --
before we go any further.”

538 | Heroics, Hazards of Thirty-Five | 571

 himself from the assignment in any official capacity. He would suggest that Granger
stay at the Manor after he resigned, as it remained the safest place for her.
Tonks would be well within her rights to press him on the wisdom of stepping
aside at this rather critical juncture -- and if she did, he would play it cool. It was

35
nothing, really. Just a minor issue, hardly worth mentioning. What issue? Oh, only
that he was, you know, in love with Hermione Granger. Probably had been for a few
months. Currently writhing in superb agonies about it. Did Tonks have a bin in her
office? He might be sick.
Potter and Weasley were now presenting mugshots of suspected pack members.

Dynamic Fluid Exchanges, Draco’s knee jiggled. If they could get on with it, it would be wonderful, so that he
might accelerate this hideous confession and crawl away somewhere dark and lonely
A Practical Model to die like an animal.
Suddenly, the ring flared to life on his finger. Granger’s heart rate hit a new peak --
there was a wave of echoed panic -- then there was the burn of the distress beacon.
Everyone was staring at Draco, who had leapt to his feet, wand in hand. “Granger,”

T
he gasped.
he innocence of the kiss turned to something heavier as Draco made good
Now all rose -- Tonks, Potter, Weasley, Humphreys, Buckley, Brimble. “What is it?
on his promise to snog the living daylights out of Granger.
Where is she? What’s happened?”
She ran her fingers through his hair. He backed her into a tree. She had his
But now, through the ring, Draco felt only emptiness. His attempt to Apparate
collar in her fists and was using that as leverage to either pull him in closer, or pull
resulted in nothing - - there was no answer from Granger’s ring; he didn’t know where
herself up higher, with the pleasurable result of tongue on tongue.
to go.
Draco felt the lack of the ring -- he had grown accustomed to the thing keeping
He stared at his hand with slow comprehension. “They’ve got her. They’ve done
him apprised of Granger’s heart rate. He solved the problem by finding pulse points
something to the ring -- disabled it or destroyed it--”
along her throat with his mouth, which gave him a much more immediate and
Swearing, Draco cast his tracking charm. A map appeared before him, upon which
tactile accounting of her feelings.
Granger’s hairpins glowed. He ran through the locations as the worried Aurors
Her eyes were closed. Her hair caught in birch bark. Her pulse was a delicate,
clustered around him. St. Mungo’s, Trinity, the cottage, the Manor--
harried flutter against his lips. He could have taken her right here, against the tree,
“There,” said Brimble, pointing at a cluster of pin-pricks off of Scotland. “The
but she was Granger, and all that was good and wonderful in the world, and she
Outer Hebrides.”
deserved better.
Draco raised his wand to Disapparate to the point, but Tonks pulled his arm
Now one of her legs was around him. He hoisted her up higher, one hand on
down.
her arse, and pressed himself against her.
“Hold the heroics, Malfoy. You’re going to Apparate to bloody Scotland? Don’t be
“I think I should like to -- perhaps -- go back inside,” gasped Granger with a kind
stupid. Give us one second to strategise before we all leap to our gory deaths.”
of questioning, as though he would say anything but yes, gods, yes.
Draco did not care about any gory death at the moment but Granger’s, and
“I want you,” said Draco into her mouth. “In -- all senses of the term.”
preventing it with his own, if need be. Potter and Weasley jostled for their wands,
“All of them? Well -- shall we -- shall we begin with one?”
looking as wild-eyed as he felt.

570 | Dynamic Fluid Exchanges Thirty-Three | 539

 Tonks stuck her head out of the conference room and called for Montjoy and The sun rose in earnest, and brightened the snow, and greened the grass, and
Goggin. “Kit up and get your arses over here.” wreathed them in light.
As Montjoy and Goggin scrambled over, she asked, “Who was on duty with He kissed her.
Hermione at the lab?” And it was the sweetest, most searing, most wondrous thing, to finally be able to
“Fernsby,” said Weasley. do so, without interruption, without excuses, without breaking away. To do it
“Humphreys -- with Montjoy, to the lab -- see what happened to Fernsby. Brimble knowing that his torment was shared, and had therefore become something else -- a
-- call in all available Aurors and DMLE agents. All of you join us as soon as you are relief, a thundering joy.
able. I’ve a feeling we are about to walk into the werewolf lair.” He had a part of her and she had a part of him and it was going to be -- it was going
“Right.” to be something beautiful. Could there be anything sweeter, could there be more bliss,
“Nearest Floo is Leverburgh,” said Brimble, pointing to the map. than this?
They piled into the corridor towards the Auror Office’s Floo hearth. Draco's heart
thundered in his throat, in his mouth.
As they ran past Tonks’ office, a hulking figure loomed in her Foe Glass. Tonks
flicked a V at Greyback.
“Disillusions on,” said Tonks, tapping her head with her wand. Everyone followed
suit and stepped into the Floo.
A confused innkeeper in Leverburgh heard a gaggle of Disillusioned individuals
drop out of his hearth. Before he could so much as offer them a pint, they’d rattled his
glassware with the cracks of their Disapparations and left.
The Aurors Apparated to the tiny island amongst the Outer Hebrides that had
glowed on Draco’s map. They materialised onto a flat, green piece of coastline. There
was no one to be seen. Draco was unsurprised -- he had felt his Apparition get forced
off course by an Anti-Apparition Ward.
In his head, a screaming chorus: where is she? Where is she? Where is she? Nothing
whatsoever from the ring.
He cast detection spells towards the centre of the island as the Aurors girded
themselves with protection and deflection charms.
Things took an unfortunate turn. “Looks like three hundred of them, if not
more,” said Draco as figures lit up beyond.
“Bloody hell,” said Weasley, at the same time as Potter said, “Shit,” and Tonks said,
“Fuck.”
Draco cast his tracking spell again. At this proximity, the spell was able to produce a
more detailed map, which showed Granger in the centre of a kind of bowl-shaped
depression in the terrain, bound around the periphery by a high ridge.
“Wards?” asked Tonks.

540 | Heroics, Hazards of Thirty-Four | 569

lovesick fool. Do you know how many bloody dates I went on to push you out of my “The usual,” said Draco. “Anti-Apparition and alarms, all along the ridge around
head?” this hollow. Tonks, she’s in the middle of everything -- we’re going to need a
“I went on a date with that stupid gardener!” distraction.”
“What?” “Take care of the wards. Buckley, Goggin -- you’re the distraction. Draw fire from
“You set me up.” the western edge.”
“Gods.” Tonks focused on a morph. Through the Disillusion, Draco saw her features grow
“How can I be in love with you? You’re Draco Malfoy.” smaller and her broad shoulders grow narrower. He was now looking at a Disillusioned
“And me? In love with Hermione Granger? Head over fucking heels? I don’t do Granger.
love. I can’t even say the word, it feels horrid in my mouth.” “That’s a dangerous game,” said Goggin, shaking his head.
“I should never have accepted this arrangement,” said Granger, addressing the sky. “Brilliant,” said Potter.
“I should have insisted on someone else, the moment I saw your stupid name on that “Potter, Malfoy, Weasley -- with me,” said Tonks. “Tambling’s infiltration protocol.
stupid letter telling me that you had been assigned to me.” We are going to Hermione. If we can get her out together, we do. If we can’t, I’ll take
“I tried,” said Draco. “I was told not to have a complex about Granger -- well, here her place. You’re to extract her before they notice the swap. Send sparks when she’s safe
we are--” -- then we can have a spot of fun.”
“A complex?” Draco set himself upon the wards at the top of the ridge. He disarmed a patch large
“--And now I have one -- yes, a complex -- a great bloody complex about Granger, enough for the Aurors to squeeze through.
beyond their wildest expectations.” The Disillusioned forms of Goggin and Buckley sprinted off to the left.
“I don’t want your complex.” From his new vantage within the wards, Draco could see the mess that awaited
“Well, you have it -- and far more besides.” them -- easily three hundred werewolves. Probably the entirety of Greyback’s
Silence fell. Granger wiped away a tear. Draco took a step closer to her. Their hands remaining pack -- the fanatics, the true believers. They variously stood or squatted,
reached for one another’s. watching something at the centre of the crowd.
“I feel as though I’ve given you a part of me that you could break,” said Granger. In the middle of them all, strapped against an enormous boulder, was Granger.
“Please don’t break it--” She still wore her white lab coat.
“I shan’t break it. I would never. Potter and Weasley have informed me that they Draco was seized by a desire to sprint in and begin cursing. His Disillusioned wand
will kill me if I hurt you -- not that their threats count for anything. And you have a hand jerked.
part of me. I’m sick over it -- you’d better not break it--” Tonks caught sight of the movement. She pinched his arm just above the elbow.
“I would never.” “What’s the matter with you?” she whispered. “You’ll get her killed. Get me to her.”
“--And why must you be so beautiful, even when you’re crying?” Granger looked barely conscious. Her head hung. Weasley swore under his breath.
“How do you make looking like a hungover vampire so alluring?” How the hell had they got to Granger? She'd been at the lab. Draco desperately
“I’m going to snog the living daylights out of you.” wanted to tell her that he was here. Something like five minutes had passed since she
Her smile broke through the tears, a flash of sun. She was happiness aglow in his had turned the ring.
veins. She had his little black heart in its entirety. The four Aurors crept their way through the crowd, Disillusioned, their heavy
He closed the distance between them. He held her face in his hands. Their breath Notice-Me-Nots suppressing the werewolves’ ability to perceive them. If someone did
misted together in the cold air. notice something -- a double- take, a sniffing of the air -- they were hit by a silent
Confundus or Obliviate.

568 | deus ex machina Thirty-Three | 541

 As they neared the centre of the group, they could hear Greyback’s hoarse voice man could do to quash these things, but I -- failed. You are too much. I couldn’t
spitting out some gloating speech at Granger. Thank the gods -- thank the gods he was withstand you. You found fissures in my defences and you tore them into great
stupid enough, arrogant enough, to gloat. bloody rends, and then you came to live in my heart, like some sort of -- light in a dark
“Should’ve chosen something else to cure, shouldn’t you?” came the sound of his place. And the worst part is, I know you didn’t do it on purpose. I know you didn’t
voice, even raspier now than it had been during the war. “Do I look like I need curing? ask for it. I know you were just being -- you, your stupid, brilliant, do-gooding self. But
Look at me, girl. Is there something wrong with me? Aren’t you going to say you are -- as it turns out -- everything I want.”
anything?” He dared to look at her. There were tears in her eyes.
Draco hadn’t cast an Unforgivable since the war. At the moment, the killing curse “Right -- now I’ve bloody made you cry -- brilliant—”
felt like a reasonable option. What cared he for his soul, when Greyback’s filthy hand “M-me?” said Granger in a shaky voice. “I’m the one finding fissures? I couldn’t
was under Granger’s chin? withstand you.
Draco was going to kill him. “What?”
They had at least another ten metres to go before he would be within range. The Granger took a breath. “I keep trying to control it but it’s -- stronger than me. I
crowd grew thicker. Draco lost sight of Potter and Weasley’s Disillusioned shapes. don’t want it -- I didn’t want it -- I don’t know what I want. Yes, I do -- I want one
Tonks was at his side. sodding night without thinking about you. I want to be in the same room as you
How long was Greyback going to gloat? He could snap her neck at any point without feeling that I’ll die if I don’t touch you -- if I do touch you. I want my head to
between now and the swap. be my own again, and my heart. But you’re in them both, you idiot -- you’re driving
Greyback began to move away from Granger -- it was a blessing and a curse. Every me round the bend--”
step took him further from her, but also out of Draco’s range. She brushed away a tear. “I just want to know -- a bloody moment of peace,
He walked through his pack, revelling in his victory, asking his men whether they without you in my brain, but that is, apparently, too much to ask for.”
felt that they needed curing? He had a little Healer just here for their pleasure? “What about me? I can’t -- can’t cast the thought of you from my mind. You --
Carefully, carefully, the Aurors broke through the front line, and crept nearer to your smile -- you doing arithmancy -- bloody Spain--”
the boulder where Granger was tied. “Do you know what my Amortentia smells like?”
The distraction came. “Do you know how much you haunt my nights?”
Tonks hadn’t asked for subtle. An earthquake rumbled under Draco’s feet, then “I hate this,” sniffed Granger. “It’s rubbish. I hate not -- not being in control -- I
there was the sound of an explosion. Draco felt the heat of it, a searing wind across his shouldn’t have any sorts of feelings for you -- this is your fault--”
face. It sounded as though Goggin and Buckley had invented an entirely new, volcano- “My fault?”
scaled Bombarda, and decided to take out as many werewolves as they could in the “Why did you have to be so—?”
process. “So what?”
As the werewolves scattered in confusion, the Disillusioned Aurors flanked Granger threw her hands into the air. “So everything! You were meant to be an
Granger. arrogant, moderately competent Auror! You weren’t meant to be funny and
Greyback, unaware of the company, pointed to a group of men. “You lot -- watch endearing and heroic and -- gentlemanly when it mattered. You weren’t meant to -- to
the girl.” He sprinted towards the explosion with a snarl. “How the fuck did they literally charm my knickers off and -- worse still -- worm your way into my heart--”
know where we are? I destroyed that bloody ring. How many are there?” “Speak for yourself,” said Draco, outraged. “You’re the wormy one. You were
Potter and Weasley’s figures advanced towards the watchmen to head them off if meant to be an insufferable swot whose presence I couldn’t stand, not someone
needed while Draco and Tonks completed the swap. whose company -- laughter -- kisses -- everything -- I ended up craving like a bewitched,

542 | Heroics, Hazards of Thirty-Four | 567

 Draco found Granger amongst silver birch and rising mist, walking a slow walk Draco knelt next to Granger, in what looked like the wet ashes of an extinguished
through the trees. It was cold. fire. He disarmed a few hastily cast alarm wards.
She looked pale and tired as she stepped along the path. She had wrapped herself in Granger stared at their approximate locations with half-open eyes. She had a split
a sort of shawl that looked suspiciously like one of Draco’s handkerchiefs, lip and marks across her face that spoke of blows. Something was wrong with one of
Transfigured. Her hair was only half- pinned and tumbled down her back. her hands -- broken or dislocated fingers, Draco thought. From someone violently
She spotted him in the distance. She paused and watched him come to her amidst tearing off the ring.
the frozen gorse and fen-sedge. His rage was heady. He controlled it.
Everything about her seemed distinct and sharp, uncannily so. Breath misting Tonks sat herself next to Granger. Her Disillusion shuddered as she matched
from between parted lips. Fingers gripping the shawl. Dark lashes around bright eyes. Granger’s clothing.
“You’re awake early,” she said, with a kind of soft surprise. The watchmen were distracted, only occasionally looking towards their charge as
When Draco continued to stare at her like a love-struck cretin, she asked. “Are you they strained to see what was causing the eruptions at the other side of the field.
all right? Is something the matter?” Draco severed Granger’s bonds and replaced them with illusory lookalikes
He was taken by a kind of fool’s courage. An idiot’s courage. strapped across Tonks’ chest. He Disillusioned Granger just as Tonks cancelled her
It was true courage, for all of that. After this, things would never be the same again. own Disillusion. Granger was pulled away from the boulder. Tonks slid into her place,
“Yes, something is the matter,” said Draco. her wand tucked against her leg.
“Oh?” Just in time -- two of the watchmen had turned around to check on the woman
“Something is very the matter. I need to -- I need to tell you something. It’s stupid, that looked like Granger.
and probably a bad decision, but it feels like it’s going to kill me if I don’t, so--” The real Granger, invisible, was limp in Draco’s arms. Draco whispered Gravitas
Granger was regarding him with curiosity, with something serious -- with her Penna. He slung her almost weightless body over his shoulder like a Grangery sack of
puzzle-solving look. She pulled the shawl more closely around herself. potatoes to keep his wand arm free.
Well, he was going to solve the bloody puzzle for her, right now. Two watchmen got too close to the boulder for Potter and Weasley. Draco saw
“I don’t want to maintain the equilibrium,” said Draco. “I don’t want to quash their eyes grow unfocused as they were hit by a Confundus each.
anymore.” Another watchman said something to them and received no answer but gurgling.
“The... equilibrium?” repeated Granger. “Quash?” “Oi,” he called to another. “What the fuck is wrong with—?”
“The -- the back and forth -- the not daring to do more -- the not crossing the line. He was Stunned.
The blaming of booze for my lapses. The pretending I don't care for you -- that I “Go,” came Tonks’ sharp whisper.
wouldn't die for you -- I suppose that ship has already sailed, anyway. The denying -- The remaining watchmen shouted in alarm.
suppressing -- slowly suffocating my heart -- all of that.” As instructed by Tonks, Potter and Weasley flanked Draco to accompany Granger
Draco took a moment to compose himself. out of the fray, drawing as little attention to themselves as possible. Draco felt Potter
Not composed at all, he continued. “You're -- fucking brilliant and beautiful refresh his Notice-Me-Not charm.
beyond -- anything. It's actually quite unfair that one person should have all of those -- They all cast a backwards glance at Tonks, hating to leave her so exposed.
attributes. And I want to be more than your Auror, and I want you to be more than The switch had worked. The remaining watchmen took positions next to Tonks-
my Principal, or Healer, or any of your -- many and diverse -- titles. I'm -- I've fallen for Granger, wands raised, but did not for a moment ponder whether this woman was
you despite what has been, I swear to you, a most sincere railing against. I know it was anything other than the real Healer Granger.
wrong -- inappropriate -- contravened all the protocols -- all that rot. I did everything a

566 | deus ex machina Thirty-Three | 543

 Another explosion rocked the field. Spells were now whizzing into the sky in the “Oh?” said Draco. “Are you? Good. Now bugger off. I need to change my shoes
direction of Goggin and Buckley. because you are literally incapable of holding a glass upright -- Tupey! Fresh shoes and
“Are we sure none of us should stay with Tonks?” asked Weasley as they walked, socks, please, Weasley had an accident.”
slowly, carefully, amongst running werewolves. They rejoined the party, got even more drunk, and pissed away the night in high
“She’s still got her wand -- she’ll Confrigo our arses if we don’t do as she says,” said spirits.
Potter.
Draco would certainly not be staying. He had the most precious burden in the
world on his shoulder, and his sole objective, now, was making it out of here Draco had fallen asleep on one of the sofas. He awoke at dawn with a stiff neck and a
undetected. Greyback’s sudden death could wait. throbbing headache.
They were almost run into by a group of werewolves jogging towards the He rose and stepped over bodies in various states of consciousness. Granger was
watchmen. Potter and Weasley cast a Depulso, knocking them out of the way, then nowhere to be found.
Petrified the lot of them. Henriette was making her way through the salon, placing a croissant and a
They heard the watchmen shouting orders to look for whoever had Stunned and hangover potion beside every snoring guest.
Confunded their colleagues at the boulder. “Where is Mademoiselle?” asked Draco.
“Shit,” breathed Potter, sending another Confundus over his shoulder towards a “I believe she went to take some air, Monsieur,” said Henriette. “Shall I call her?”
witch who attempted to investigate her fallen comrades. “No, no -- I’ll find her.”
“Almost there,” said Weasley. Draco downed one of the hangover potions. Then he stood at the window and
Draco flicked a Flipendo at another runner who got too close. sighed a melodramatic sigh.
They were halfway up the ridge. From there, they could see Goggin and Buckley -- “Is everything all right?” asked Henriette.
and, thank the gods, the newly arrived Humphreys, Montjoy, and Fernsby, and a Draco pressed his forehead to the cold window. “No.”
dozen other Aurors and DMLE operatives with them, who joined the clash on the Henriette approached. “What is the matter?”
western side of the hollow. “Henriette?”
However, the three Aurors’ trail of Petrifications and Stuns had been noticed. “Oui?”
They could no longer advance freely amongst the chaos. They were being looked for. “Je suis -- je suis ensorcelé.”
Bursts of Finite Incantatem and Homenum Revelio criss-crossed around them, “Ah!”
which were deflected whenever it was impossible to dodge.
“Je l’aime de tout mon cœur, Henriette. De tout mon être.”
Weasley was hit, Disillusioned himself again, and entered into a scrum with four
Henriette put down her plate of croissants and wrung her hands.
werewolves. Blast. Draco did not like this one bloody bit.
“Don’t be happy yet,” said Draco.
“Keep going,” said Potter. “He can take care of himself -- we’ve got to get her out.”
“No?”
At the top of the ridge, a line of men now stood.
“No. I haven’t told her. But I am going to go tell her. I am off to bare my soul,
Behind them, a witch was patching the tear in the wards that Draco had made. Henriette.”
Something about her sour face was familiar.
Henriette watched him go with tears in her eyes and her hands clasped to her chest.
Potter’s hand found Draco’s shoulder. Draco stopped moving. Potter was right:
“Bon courage, Monsieur,” she said in a whisper.
they were too badly outnumbered and Draco bore too precious a burden to attempt a
The December dawn brightened the eastern sky.
direct confrontation here.

544 | Heroics, Hazards of Thirty-Four | 565

 “I would never do anything to yurt her,” said Draco in a rare, drunken plunge into Another Goggin-Buckley explosion detonated.
genuine honesty. Draco and Potter turned and backed down the ridge, hoping to find a spot further
“Wouldn’t you?” on to open the wards again.
“No. She’s -- I -- right, it’s none of your fucking business, as I’ve just said--” They made the mistake of looking back towards Tonks. Greyback was beside her,
Weasley grasped Draco’s collar and, with a kind of plaintive desperation, said, “You surrounded by a dozen men, and looked to be preparing to rip her off the boulder
promise you’d never do anything to hurt her?” and -- gods only knew what.
“Yes.” A Finite Incantatem flew in their direction. Potter was hit.
Weasley pressed his forehead to Draco’s and stared into his eyes. “I think he’s telling Draco cast a Depulso at Potter, flinging him out of the way of a sizzling curse. He
the truth.” scrambled down the ridge away from the werewolves that were now converging on
“Stop that -- get off me -- you’re not a Legilimens—” Potter.
“Do we give him our blessing?” asked Potter, frowning into space. The only advantage to their being so seriously outmanned in this fight was that the
“I don’t need your fucking blessing,” said Draco. werewolves couldn’t Disillusion themselves without risking hitting each other as they
“It would matter to Hermione,” said Weasley. circled their enemy.
“She doesn’t need it either,” said Draco. Potter Disillusioned himself again, vanished from sight, and got serious. His
“Tell him that we’ll kill him if he hurts her,” said Potter. Reducto flung Greyback’s men away, with or without all of their limbs.
“We already did,” said Weasley. “I think.” Draco decided that Potter, too, could take care of himself and continued his
“Right.” desperate search for a quiet place at the perimeter of the Anti-Apparition Ward, where
“Do you think we should just -- kill him now?” asked Weasley. he could put Granger down and cut his way through.
“Preemptively?” asked Potter. He sent a Patronus towards Goggin and the newly arrived reinforcements, asking
for aid at this end of the field. The Borzoi sprinted away in a silver streak.
“Yeah. I reckon that’d be proper proactive of us.”
Granger stirred against his shoulder.
“I like it.”
Draco pushed Weasley away. “For fuck’s -- stop breathing at me, Weasley -- eurgh, “You’re all right,” said Draco. “I’ve got you -- we’re almost out.”
why are you so moist -- why is everything moist and sticky -- get away. Right. I would “Wand,” said Granger.
never hurt her. She’s genuinely important to me. I care about her. A lot. Too much, Draco was loath to part with his. He spotted a Petrified wizard and muttered,
really. To an idiotic degree. I wish I didn’t. But -- I do and it’s -- anyway, this is not a “Accio wand.” A stout wand flew into Draco’s hand.
conversation I wish to have with you slobbering imbeciles. You can kill me if I hurt her “Put me down,” said Granger. “I can walk.”
-- but I won’t -- I would never -- she’ll be the one hurting me, if anything -- that’s my “Are you sure?”
fear -- my fucking Boggart -- all right? Have we finished here?” “Y-yes.”
Potter and Weasley narrowed their eyes, but it was unclear whether they were From what Draco could see under the Disillusion, Granger was dazed. She looked
processing Draco’s diatribe or merely falling asleep. towards the boulder where she had been tied. “Oh -- they’ve put it out... Of course
“I think he’s all right,” said Weasley. they have, that would have been too -- too easy, wouldn’t it?”
Potter nodded and said, “I’m satisfied.” “Put it out? Put what out?”
Granger fell silent. She was healing herself. Draco saw her Disillusioned hand cast
spells towards her head, her hand, one of her ankles.
“How many are there?” asked Granger in a weak voice.

564 | deus ex machina Thirty-Three | 545

 “Three hundred. We have reinforcements coming -- we’re too few. I’m looking for Draco attempted to say “Tsk,” but he was so hammered that it came out as a
a spot to get you out of the Anti-Apparition Ward. They’ve wised up -- they’ve put up raspberry. “You’re both under the delusion that she’s a perfect angel but she’s -- t-ten
a perimeter of men along the wards, now. We’re going to have to fight before we can times the scoundrel I am and that’s why I--”
get you through to safety.” “You what?” asked Potter.
“There are too many of them,” said Granger, looking about with a hopelessness “...Like her.”
that matched the one in Draco’s heart that he hadn’t dared acknowledge. “You like her.”
Potter and Weasley had teamed up and were causing some rather strong “Yes.”
turbulence amongst the werewolves, further down the ridge. A curse streaked towards “You’re her Auror, you know,” said Potter, aiming a vague finger in Draco’s
Draco and Granger. He threw a Protego to deflect it. direction. “That is unprofessional. Not allowed.”
The Protego was spotted. The line of wizards at the top of the ridge began a slow “Unpfoff -- unpfoffess -- unprofessional,” repeated Weasley.
walk towards Draco and Granger, criss-crossing the ground before them with hexes. “Was her Auror. And I never -- we didn’t cross the line -- or if we did, it didn’t really
Below them, a full-scale battle raged, as the Aurors and the DMLE agents happen--”
attempted to make inroads towards them. Potter blinked unfocused eyes. “Did it or didn’t it happen?”
They were trapped. “Dreams. By a window ledge. Fantasies. In Spain. Nothing real. It was Samhain,
“Fuck,” hissed Draco. you know. We got drunk on fire -- genuinely -- you have to admire the Spanish, they
“I need to make a fire,” said Granger. know how to make a drink -- or was it the Celts? Anyway, it was all -- fantasies --
“No. You need to get out of here, not make bloody fires--” gorgeous fantasies--”
“Get out how? We’re surrounded.” Granger’s Disillusioned form kneeled on the “Stop talking to us about your fantasies,” said Weasley, looking alarmed.
ground. “Buy me three minutes and I’ll make them regret they were born.” “They are excellent, though. Right, my favourite one is when she--”
The wizards approaching from above were now far too close, and too numerous, “No,” said Potter, pressing his hand to Draco’s mouth. “Do not.”
for comfort. Draco beat his hand away. “Why are your fingers sticky?”
“Bloody fucking hell,” said Draco. “Three minutes.” Potter looked at his fingers with intense focus. “Treacle tart,” he declared with a
Also, he was going to make them regret they were born first. firm nod.
He cast a dense Caeli Praesidium over Granger, cancelled his Disillusion to draw “There isn’t any treacle tart.”
enemy fire towards himself, then got to work. Weasley, endeavouring to be helpful, poured his Firewhisky on Potter’s hand and
Under the silvery ward, Granger lit her fire. all over Draco’s shoes.
The first three werewolves who approached Draco had their throats torn out. A “Thank you,” said Potter gravely to Weasley as he wiped his hand on his robe. “You
vortex of conjured knives impaled the next two, and Arcanist’s Arrows thudded into are a true friend--”
the chests of the next. Every wand-arm raised towards Granger was met with an “You idiot. Now my toes are moist,” spat Draco.
Immobulus and, if Draco had time, the burst of a detonation to rid the wizard of his “--Unlike Malfoy, who is a tosser. Listen, Malfoy -- if you do anything to yurt her--”
troublesome limb. “Yurt her?”
Potter and Weasley were attempting to come towards him, but they were hemmed “--Hurt her, we will yurder you. Murder you.”
in by a crowd of werewolves. “K-kill you in cold blood,” said Weasley. “Set fire to your house. Liberate your
Curses were hurtled towards Draco, parried, and countered with choking, elves.”
rupturing, or dismemberment.

546 | Heroics, Hazards of Thirty-Four | 563

people began to pour in, many in sleepwear because of the late hour -- Longbottom The first Unforgivable was cast, a killing curse just at his feet. The man responsible
and Pansy, Zabini and Patil, the entire Weasley clan (gods help Draco), Macmillan and was decapitated.
other Ministry colleagues, and, finally, Theo, in a set of ridiculously sheer men’s Draco was beginning to draw attention to himself. There were too many
pyjamas. opponents and more were coming. He couldn’t use his Legilimency -- couldn’t cast
Henriette, Tupey and the kitchen elves were delighted to assist in the lengthy Turncoat Jinxes -- couldn’t strategise. He only had time to react. A curse
merrymaking. Tupey plied Weasley in particular with the hardest stuff in the cellars. reached the silvery ward and bounced harmlessly off it. It should never have reached
At some point during the festivities, Potter and Weasley waylaid Draco as he was the ward. Draco should have deflected it.
making his way towards Granger. Draco found himself pressed into a corner by his He felt the beginnings of panic -- not for himself, but for her. His casting grew
favourite colleagues. rushed, reckless. This was why Somethings were forbidden between Aurors and their
They were all properly sloshed. Principals.
“What?” said Draco. Another killing curse flashed towards him. Draco summoned a werewolf to take
“I knew it. I knew you were up to something,” said Potter, leaning in so close that the hit instead, then flung his attacker off the ridge. Potter and Weasley managed to
his boozy breath wafted up Draco’s nose. “I saw how you looked at her.” crash their way through their circle of enemies with a joint Reducto and came to
Draco pushed him away. “Back off, you speccy fucker.” Draco’s aid.
“What are your intentions with Hermione?” “She’s doing something with the fire -- Laceratio! Suffocatus! -- she needs three
“My intentions? Have we returned to the Victorian era? Are you her father?” minutes--”
“Answer the qu-question, Malfoy,” said Weasley, with what was presumably “We’ll give her three minutes,” gasped Potter. “Depulso!”
meant to be a threatening loom. (It ended up less than intimidating as he finished the A pair of werewolves was sent flying. They were replaced by three more.
movement by resting his head on Draco’s shoulder.) “Suffocatus! Scindo!” said Draco, whipping a choking curse and a throat-slicing
“I haven’t any intentions,” said Draco. “Get off me.” towards two of them.
He held Weasley at arm’s length. Weasley hit the third with a ball of orange flame. “What’s she going to do with the
“You smell good,” said Weasley. “He smells good,” he repeated to Potter. fire?” “No idea -- Expulsis visceribus! -- I trust it’ll be spectacular--”
“Does he?” A dozen werewolves broke off from a scuffle below and began to climb the ridge
Potter came in for a sniff. towards them. “Too many of them,” said Potter, spotting the group
“Get away,” said Draco, now holding Potter at arm’s length, too. “Shave down their numbers before they get too close,” panted Weasley to Draco.
“Did you do something to her?” asked Weasley, one eye narrowed in suspicion (the Weasley and Potter positioned themselves defensively on either side of Granger’s
other was closed and taking a nap). “Dose her with a love potion?” silvery ward. Draco hated to trust them, but, with that crowd coming their way, he
“Of bloody course not -- women fall for me all the time -- I know that’s a novel hadn’t a choice. He Disillusioned himself and clambered down the ridge.
concept for you—” He cast two Bombardas to soften the group up, and then, wand in one hand and
“What about you?” asked Potter. “Are you in love with her?” knife in the other, he was amongst them. His wand met throats, his knife pressed into
“I -- that is none of your business -- and why don’t you ask her if she’s dosed me?” eyes and the soft spots under chins. He was a Disillusioned whirl whose passage was
“Because she’s not a -- a scoundrel like you,” said Potter. marked only by entrails and spurts of blood.
Not a single one made it up the ridge.
“A m-miscreant,” said Weasley.
He clambered back to Potter and Weasley. The beginnings of the shakes were on
him from imminent magic depletion.

562 | deus ex machina Thirty-Three | 547

 “One minute,” said Potter. Tonks observed them with pursed lips. “Kindly discuss your bedroom plans at
Around Potter and Weasley, a small rampart of werewolf bodies had begun to another time -- Brimble is talking.”
form while Draco had been occupied with his butchery. Granger blushed. Weasley guffawed. One of Potter’s eyes twitched.
Below them, Tonks, still disguised as Granger, was holding the attention of “As for my second bit of news,” said Brimble, taking out a long scroll of
Greyback and his retinue. She was dancing about, wreaking havoc with explosions, parchment. “This is a list of the dead. The ones whose remains we could identify,
casting Depulso at the ground to push herself away from them, and leading them on a anyway.”
merry chase around the battlefield. Draco watched her trip backwards and fall, saw, She held up the list. A name was circled on it. A Miss Clotilde Fiddlewood.
with a thrill of fear, Greyback loom over her -- then she planted a combat boot into his “Who?” said Granger.
groin and scampered away again, dodging spells and cackling, and Draco remembered “What?” said Potter.
that she was a Black as well as a Tonks. “No,” said Weasley.
Buckley had rejoined Tonks and was acting as her rearguard, putting up a defence “Shacklebolt’s assistant,” said Tonks, her lips pressed into an unhappy line.
of the alleged Granger for all he was worth. “That old cacklebag?” said Draco.
Greyback looked up at the ridge. He saw the silvery ward. He pushed his wand to That had been the witch who had looked familiar on the field -- the one who had
his throat and, in a magically amplified voice, ordered his men to destroy “whatever been patching the ward, barring their escape.
the fuck they’re doing under that thing.” Brimble nodded. “We can’t interrogate her -- obviously -- but we are speculating
A fresh wave of attackers came upon the three Aurors at the top of the ridge. that she may have overheard bits of Healer Granger’s very first conversation with the
They were in a storm of spells, now. The ward was hit repeatedly, but deflected Minister. The one that triggered his protection request. Getting word to Greyback
every spell with a metallic ping. Underneath it, Draco could hear Granger gasping out would’ve taken her months -- he was deep in hiding at the time. We’ll be investigating
a long incantation. The fire flickered between the polyhedra. what we can and we may never know for certain -- but she was one of few individuals
The new wave of attackers was fresh and numbered about two dozen. The Aurors who could’ve known anything. And, of course, to find her running with Greyback’s
shifted to desperate, back-to-the-wall defence, forming a triangle around Granger, pack, afterwards, is rather damning evidence...”
unable to do more than deflect. They used the bodies of werewolves to absorb the They sat in silence. Granger looked shocked. Draco shook his head. Then, in the
killing curses that came their way. quiet, Potter said, “Greyback is dead.”
Potter was hit by something concussive that threw him into a group of Saying it made it real.
werewolves. He cast a Bombarda as he landed. The air reeked of burnt flesh. Granger’s hands found her cheeks. “Greyback is dead.”
Draco felt a cutting curse split his neck. He fell to his knees next to the ward, “Greyback is fucking dead,” repeated Draco and Tonks.
clutching at his throat -- then felt the cut seal as quickly as it had opened up. “The arsehole is dead!” said Weasley.
Granger. They touched their cups of opium together.
Five approaching werewolves vanished from existence before his eyes. “Right,” said Weasley after downing his. He clapped his hands together. “What’s a
There were five worms on the ground where they had stood. bloke got to do to get a real drink round here?”
Draco stamped on them. They decided to make a proper party of it. Patronuses and Jots were sent out.
He felt the shakiness of magical exhaustion threaten his casting as he flung a Soon, the salon was filled with family and friends -- Lupin and the kids, Potter’s wife
Depulso at another werewolf. and tots, Luna Lovegood drifting dreamily about, Granger’s colleagues and star
students, Shacklebolt (enduring much piss-taking on his choice of assistant), Aurors
and their families, a host of Healers. Word of the victory and party got out and more

548 | Heroics, Hazards of Thirty-Four | 561

 A moment later, Tonks’ voice echoed down the corridor as she queried Henriette. A large, glowing rune emerged from within the ward and floated towards a line of
“Not interrupting, are we? They aren’t up to anything? A bit of slap and tickle?” werewolves approaching from above. Draco heard a word of command. The rune
“Euh -- non, Madame...” Granger was pink in the cheeks. dissolved into a fine golden mist.
Tonks burst into the room with a ridiculous amount of vigour, considering what Greyback’s men blinked at each other amongst the mist -- then rushed to Potter’s
they’d just gone through a few hours ago. aid.
“Hermione, that is an outfit,” she said, spotting Granger’s pyjamas. “Small wonder Inverted ethics.
Draco couldn’t keep his hands off you.” Tonks-Granger was doing too well against Greyback below them. He was a brutal
Granger grew even pinker. “Tonks!” duellist that few could go toe to toe with -- certainly not a Healer who had last seen
“What? Is it not true?” active combat fifteen years ago.
Brimble followed meekly behind Tonks, clutching at a stack of parchment. Greyback, parrying spells, his face a bloody mess, looked up towards the silver
It distracted Tonks from the pyjamas. “Right. Brimble’s got news. Tell us what ward, at Draco and Potter and Weasley positioned around it, and finally came to
you’ve found so that we can be properly outraged together.” realise that the Granger he was chasing, who was meeting every one of his curses with
Henriette cracked into existence again. “So sorry -- Monsieurs Potter and Weasley her own, was not Granger.
are at the Floo and they--” He whipped a killing curse towards Tonks, who dodged it. “That’s not the fucking
Monsieurs Potter and Weasley had not waited to be invited in. Their footsteps and Healer. Finish her.”
shouts of “Hermione? Malfoy? Where are you?” echoed through the Manor until Then, with a rage-filled yell, he scrambled up the ridge towards them.
Tonks stuck her head out of the salon and waved them in. The silver ward around Granger was beginning to flicker. Draco told Weasley to
Draco’s vision of a quiet evening of rest and recuperation (and snogging Granger) cover him and, panting, prepared to cast the exhausting thing again.
was fast fading. Henriette served opimum to the newcomers as they settled into sofas. Weasley was assailed by three curses at once. He deflected two. The third hit. He
Brimble briefed them on her findings. In the end, the Auror Office really had done went down. There were too many of them.
all it could have. Granger had been betrayed by two relative unknowns who would Granger’s Disillusioned figure was now bent over Weasley. Draco heard a Healing
have been difficult to preempt. incantation. He turned to shout at her to return to the safety of the ward -- but the
“First bit of news -- there’s been an arrest,” said Brimble. “A Mr. Terris has just ward had blinked out its last.
turned himself in. Floo technician from the Department of Magical Transportation. Now, where the ward had stood, there was a fire. What was special about this
Says he’s the one responsible for tampering with the hearth in Healer Granger’s damned fire? Draco could not say. A circle of runes glowed at its base -- Draco knew
laboratory. Greyback kidnapped his wife and children yesterday and gave him twelve just enough runic to read the protection magicks there -- Inextinguishable.
hours to do it, or they died.” He needed to cast the ward over Granger again -- it was the only reason she hadn’t
“No!” gasped Granger. yet got hit by a Finite and been discovered.
“The family is fine -- they were found bound and gagged, but otherwise There were too many of them. He needed time.
unharmed. Mr. Terris is cooperating -- it sounds as though he was quite repentant, Potter said, “Look out!” and cast a Protego towards Draco. It deflected a curse, but
actually -- rather a lot of crying.” another followed it.
Granger looked at Draco. “No strangling.” Potter was hit.
“Yes, strangling,” said Draco, who did not find this to be an adequate excuse for There were too many of them.
what the man had done. A hex flung Draco’s wand from his hand.
Another curse flew straight towards Granger where she knelt over Weasley.

560 | deus ex machina Thirty-Three | 549

 Draco was too far to knock her out of the way. He had no wand. Granger swallowed. “I didn’t expect them to exert it so thoroughly... Anyway, I’ve
He had no choice -- there was no choice to make. He stepped directly into it. been practising that bloody Floo spell for weeks and weeks. Finally got it down to
He heard her gasped “No!” three minutes. It’s as difficult as Portus -- possibly even worse -- I hate it and will never
Now he lay, a paralysing curse upon his limbs, blood dripping from his mouth, in a cast it again. The Floo specialist who came to my laboratory gave me a decent tutorial
living nightmare, as Greyback, limping and bleeding, ascended the ridge. and I studied the rest. I knew the nuns wouldn’t be able to Apparate across the
The handful of werewolves still under the influence of the inverted ethics rune Channel, but if I had a Floo connection open wherever I was when I activated the
launched themselves at him. He pulled back in surprise, then fought them off with tracking spell, then we’d have a chance...”
the help of the men behind him. Draco was too gobsmacked to make any sort of articulate commentary. He merely
“Keep the ones down there busy,” he barked, gesturing towards the field. “I’m said, “Fucking hell, Granger,” and rubbed his palm across his forehead.
going to finish this. Where is the bloody girl -- I know she's up here with these “I know,” said Granger. “I may be the more ghoulish of the opportunists between
arseholes--” us.”
Draco, Potter and Weasley might ordinarily have merited a curse while they were He stared at her. She laughed into her knees again.
down, but they held no interest for Greyback in light of Granger. An explosion of “But -- speaking of tracking -- how did you find me?” she asked. “When Greyback
Finite Incantatem churned the ground around them. destroyed the ring, I was convinced that I was done for -- there was simply no way
Granger was revealed, clutching at a wand with a shaking hand. you’d have had time to even attempt an Apparition to me.”
She had just finished casting something directly at Greyback. The side sweep of her “Your hairpins,” said Draco.
arm looked like she had activated a tracking spell. “My... hairpins?” blinked Granger.
She, too, was spent. She collapsed onto her knees. The wand fell out of her hand. Draco made a general gesture towards her hair. “They’re everywhere and you
There was a stillness over the group as everyone waited for something to happen. always have them on you. I’ve been doing it since our first meeting. They’ve come in
It was going to be good. Draco, paralysed, powerless, knew it was going to be good. handy a time or two.”
It would be -- an enormous explosion. A mass Transfiguration. Summon bloody Granger pulled a hairpin out of her curls and cast a revelation spell. It glowed
Voldemort. Open the gates of hell. Anything. Anything. green.
The fire behind Granger crackled merrily, innocuously, as though it was the “Of course,” continued Draco, “next to Miss Floo The Fucking Nuns In, it feels
byproduct of a random Confrigo on the battlefield and not the most dearly bought rather uninspired, now...”
fire that had ever been lit. “I think it’s brilliant,” said Granger, smiling at the hairpin.
The werewolves looked at one another. “The simplest ideas often are.”
Nothing happened. “Right.”
One by one, the werewolves began to laugh. “This explains Uffington.”
“That’s... it?” asked Greyback, his long yellow teeth bared in delight. “That’s what “Yes.”
the great Granger did? So brainy she -- made a fire?” “You’re a wily one.”
There was more laughter. “So are you.”
Greyback slashed his wand at the fire to extinguish it. Someone else cast Henriette popped into existence. “Pardonnez-moi, Monsieur, Mademoiselle --
Aguamenti. The fire crackled on. Madame Tonks is Flooing. She would like to come in, if this is a convenient moment?
Below Greyback, the sounds of a skirmish made their way up the hill. Draco heard She has a Mademoiselle Brimble with her.”
Tonks’ voice, and Goggin’s, and Buckley’s. Faster, Tonks, for the love of the gods. “Send them in,” said Draco.

550 | Heroics, Hazards of Thirty-Four | 559

 “Shall we go home?” More of Greyback’s men attempted to douse the fire, to no effect. Greyback spat at
“Yes, please -- let’s.” it. “Leave it.” He turned to Granger. “When this is all over, girl, and I’ve taken care of
your friends down there, I’m going to roast what remains of you on your little fire and
eat you.”
At the Manor, they showered and found one another in the small salon at the back of More shouts floated up from below.
the house. Greyback looked over his shoulder, then began to circle Granger. “We’ll have less
Granger came down in her most appalling pyjamas. Henriette and Tupey were time together than I wanted, but I’m going to enjoy every one of your screams.”
given a redacted version of the day’s events, so that they would not grow hysterical. He levelled his wand at her. Draco knew that stance. There was a Crucio coming.
Opimum was brewed to palliate the shock and soften the day’s emotional toll. Granger, blood-smeared, shaking from her magical depletion, stared him down.
Granger explained her kidnap -- such as it was. She was not afraid. Her scorn was magnificent.
“Someone tampered with the Floo at the lab.” Before Greyback could cast anything, there was a shudder of magic.
“What?!” The fire behind Granger turned green. A specific kind of green. A Floo kind of
“Yes. I know. It was meant to only have two connections -- the lab and the Manor. green.
I stepped into it to come here -- and I promise you I said Malfoy Manor -- and the next Granger smiled.
thing I knew, I was spinning out onto a field, and that monster was in front of me. Now there was a swishing sound. The werewolves scrambled anew to put out the
They Disarmed me the moment I landed. Greyback saw me twist the ring and tore it fire, but it was being fed at the other end, now, and it doubled, then tripled, then
off me -- I thought he was going to rip my fingers off, he was so rough. He knocked quintupled in size.
me about for trying to call for help. Absolute ulcer of a man. And, of course, Fernsby Figure after black-clad figure whipped out of the fire and spun upwards. Dozens
hadn’t followed me into the Floo -- I was coming straight here, he had no reason to...” and dozens of them on brooms, cackling shrilly.
Draco paced. “Who tampered with the fucking Floo? I’m going to -- I’m not even Granger’s smile grew dangerous, self-satisfied -- the kind a Nundu might smile, just
going to use my wand, I shall strangle them with my bare hands. And the bloody before it decimated an entire village.
nuns?” Shrieks of wild laughter filled the air. The nuns had arrived.
Granger, who was curled on a sofa with her arms wrapped around her legs, tucked
her face into her knees and laughed. “I still can’t believe that worked.”
“How?”
“After having seen a bit of what they were capable of at the monastery, when I
returned the skull, I thought it might be useful to -- erm -- harness the nuns for our
benefit, if I could.”
“Of course you did.”
“When I sent the skull back, I pretended to be a collector who had bought it off a
gang of thieves. I told the good Sisters that I was returning it to them because it was
sentient, and it deserved to be in its own home -- it seemed wrong to keep it. I said if
they wanted vengeance on the gang, I could help them. I told them what tracking spell
to look out for -- that I’d activate it when the moment was right for them to exert their
revenge.”

558 | deus ex machina Thirty-Three | 551

 As he held Granger to his heart, Draco, frankly, did not give a single solitary fuck
about the opinions of his colleagues. He only cared about her -- about this -- this
exquisite catastrophe, this beautiful, stupid disaster.
There were gasps, then grins, then Weasley chortled and said, “Steady on, mate,”

34
and Potter burst into wild laughter and said, “I told you, I bloody told you.”
Granger hid her face in Draco’s cloak, shaking with something that verged on
hysterical giggling.
Tonks, one eye swelled shut, put a fist on her hip and observed them with pursed
lips. “I suppose this is what the word was going to be about?”
Deus Ex Machina “Yes,” said Draco. “I’m -- er -- no longer able to be objective--”
“Funnily, I had worked that out just now, when I watched you walk into a curse
for her,” said Tonks. “You’re off the Granger assignment, Malfoy.”
“Brilliant,” said Draco, a wide smile upon his face. Tonks shook her head, but there

T
he sky turned dark with the whirl of black robes. was a smile on her face, too.
“What the fuck?” asked a werewolf. “Sorry to interrupt the love-making, but can someone explain the fucking nuns?”
asked Goggin with a gesture to the sky.
“Who is that?” asked another.
“...Nuns?” said the first. All eyes were now on Granger.
“They -- erm -- they owed me a favour,” said Granger.
“Are you bloody joking?” said Greyback.
“A favour?” said Potter, looking at her in wonder. “You properly called in the
The werewolves looked up in confusion.
cavalry, Hermione.”
Then they began to laugh again. The nuns moved through the air together with a
“I’m inspired,” said Tonks. “I think that demon would make a fine Auror.”
collaborative fluidity that could have been a warning to Greyback, if he hadn’t been so
busy howling with laughter. The group wandered the muddy battlefield, variously looking for colleagues or
wands or -- in the case of Draco -- bits of family jewellery.
A few werewolves sent up spells. They were met with ruthless counter-curses that
left the casters disfigured upon the ground, missing the majority of their faces. Draco’s wand was located near Granger’s fire. Granger’s was in a gooey pile of what
looked suspiciously like demon-chewed human flesh near the boulder.
There was a bit of shock, a bit of cognitive dissonance to wrestle with. Some of the
werewolves began to shout and regroup. Greyback was still gasping with mockery. She plucked it out with a grimace. “I believe that is all that remains of Fenrir
Greyback.”
The nuns lined themselves above them and, wands pointed down, group-cast
some sort of area- effect Petrificus Totalus that froze everyone where they stood. Draco pointed his wand at the pile of charred mince and said, “Accio Malfoy ring.”
Draco felt his limbs stiffen beyond the curse. Granger grew unnaturally still. A deformed piece of silver whizzed towards him -- not from the pile, but from a
Greyback’s laugh was frozen upon his bloodied face. spot a few metres away.
Silence fell. Granger winced. “Oh, no -- he ripped it off me and smashed it to bits, as soon as he
A small, white-haired nun, who flew above the rest, cast a detection spell at the saw me turn it--”
field. “It’s fixable,” said Draco, pocketing the damaged ring. “Everything is.”
Greyback was illuminated in red. She looked at him with a swift smile. “Everything is.”

552 | deus ex machina Thirty-Four | 557

 They released their paralysis over the remainder of the battlefield. The nun tutted in the silence. With a swish of her wand, Greyback’s rigid body was
As witches and wizards began to sit up with gasps and groans, one of the nuns floated into the centre of the field and dropped with a crunch into the blood and
threw an entire tin of Floo powder into Granger’s fire. muck near the boulder.
It flared green. The nuns flew into the flames and were gone. “Clear the innocents,” she said in French, waving her hand.
There was imperiousness in the gesture -- she was used to command. She was the
Prioress.
The aftermath of the battle was a mess of muck and blood and confusion. The Anti- A contingent of nuns flew down and levitated figures out of the battlefield. From the
Apparition Ward fell. Someone summoned mediwitches, who Apparated across the insignia upon their cloaks, it was the Aurors and the DMLE operatives. Draco saw
field and distributed potions and Healings to those who needed it the most. Tonks-Granger, Buckley, and Goggin’s stiff forms lifted out.
A pair of them worked on Draco and Granger until they were satisfied that they Then he was, himself, levitated, jostling against Granger, Potter, and Weasley. They
were stable. They moved on to Potter and Weasley, both of whom were groaning were deposited at the very top of the ridge.
enough to confirm that they were alive and well. When the innocents had been cleared and only Greyback’s men remained on the
Draco and Granger looked at each other -- filthy, cut-up, bruised, and battered. field, the Prioress flew higher.
Across Granger’s face was a wide spray of blood. Droplets of it decorated her cheeks in “Shall we have a Summoning?” she asked.
a fine mist, running down in rivulets, now, as the rain washed it away. Draco felt the The nuns, cackling anew, whirled over the battlefield upon their brooms. Threads
wet on his face and knew that he was similarly adorned; some his, some that of others. of violet magic glowed between them until they formed a floating pentagram.
They sat up and reached for each other’s hands, face, shoulders, blurting out a The Prioress raised her wand, as did her sisters. They began a low chant in Latin.
flurry of questions -- are you hurt, bloody hell, did they get you, are you all right, can Shocks of occult magic coursed through the air -- Dark, forbidden, dangerous.
you stand, are you sure you’re all right, I saw you get hit, can you walk, oh, thank god, A shape ossified into existence where the currents of magic concentrated at the
you’re all right, you’re okay, you almost got killed, you stupid, bloody idiot-- centre of the field. It was a grinning goat’s skull, silent and inert.
They found their feet. He held her dear bruised-up face in his hands and she held “Who will be the sacrificial lamb?” asked the Prioress.
his in hers. A nun floated a bloody-faced wizard up -- one of the ones who had begun the
He kissed her, softly, under the downpour, softly, against her split lip, softly, attack on the nuns. “I have a sinner.”
amongst tears and rain and blood. The sinner was levitated towards the goat’s skull. His screams, muffled by his
She slid her arms around his neck and rose upon her tip-toes and kissed him back. Petrified tongue and clamped jaw, echoed across the silent field. The nun flew above
Draco knew happiness, then. Happiness was her, alive, her tear-filled eyes spilling over, him and brought him in close, until his forehead pressed into the back of the skull.
her heartbeat thudding against his chest. It was knowing that her greatest threat was There was a flash of red light. The man slackened. Now he looked grotesque, a
dead and gone, it was the beauty of days ahead that he hardly dared imagine, it was the hanging puppet with an oversized, horned head.
feel of fingers in his hair, it was the shudder of her half-crying, half-laughing, it was her The nun resumed her place in the airborne pentagram. The skull trembled, then
whisper of you absolute idiot against his mouth. shuddered, then shook. Its eye sockets, which had been shrouded in shadow, were lit
She pushed her face into his chest and gasped out sobs of relief and joy. by two red flames.
There was movement around them. Potter and Weasley were on their feet. Tonks, The man’s body elongated and ripped. From within him, a form twisted and
looking like herself again, limped towards them, as did Goggin and Buckley. birthed itself into existence -- a being of Fiendfyre and darkness, rending the fabric
between worlds.

556 | deus ex machina Thirty-Four | 553

 Granger had opened the gates of hell. The demon caught sight of its final victim. The goat skull tilted. A plume of flame
As it tore its way into existence, the thing vomited a sound out of the goat’s skull that emerged from black nostrils.
was half unholy laughter, half pain. It was suffering, but there was a hideous Greyback was panicking, scrambling. He pushed his way into the pentagram and
anticipation in it. was repelled backwards.
Limbs took shape. The thing was tall. The skull hung at the end of a long neck. He landed at the demon’s feet. It planted one cloven hoof into the centre of
Stringy wings, black, and dripping with abominable afterbirth, unfurled. Greyback’s chest.
Two cloven hooves reached the earth and made unhallowed ground of that place. Draco had the vast pleasure of watching Greyback torn, limb from limb, and
There was no light of conscience in the thing’s flaming eyes. Only a terrible thirst for eaten.
death. The nuns, breaking into shrieking laughter, released their paralysis spell within The massacre was complete. There had been two hundred of Greyback’s men in
the confines of the pentagram. that pentagram. Now, nothing within it moved, save the demon. The air was fetid
It was not to give the werewolves a chance. It was for sport. with brimstone and sulphur and heat-curdled blood.
The demon’s soul-blighting laughter joined that of the nuns. Hell in its eyes, it The nuns began another chant in voices high and pure -- the Lord’s Prayer.
launched itself at the werewolves. Pater noster, qui es in caelis, Sanctificetur Nomen Tuum;
Half of them tried to run, half launched spells. A curling talon swiped at five of Adveniat Regnum Tuum; Fiat voluntas Tua, Sicut in caelo, et in terra.
them and left corpses in its wake. Liquid fire was disgorged and burnt a dozen where As the prayer went on, the nuns drew forwards on their brooms. The pentagram
they stood. The searing blow of a wing left a group of men standing without their shrank.
fronts -- no faces, no skin, only guts and bone. They fell with a wet sound. A heavenly halo glowed now above each nun’s head. Their crucifixes floated off of
Those trying to run found themselves hemmed in by the pentagram, repelled, and their necks and shone with a pious light.
cast back towards the demon’s cloven hooves. The demon hissed and spat plumes of hellfire as the bounds of the pentagram
There was the crunch of skulls being crushed and a hoarse, unearthly cackle from came in towards it. The field shook with its discordant, infernal screams as it was
the creature. forced inwards, and inwards again, until it had curled itself into a shadowy ball.
Ten killing curses flashed green and hit the demon at the same time. They did ...but deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory,
nothing. The thing wasn’t alive -- it was the prince of some underworld, and they were Forever and ever, Amen.
merely stoking its fire. All that remained of the demon was the goat’s skull, then it, too, disappeared in a
The spellcasters were gutted. flash of red.
The nuns held their pentagram. The demon dared not or could not go beyond, The holy auras surrounding the nuns faded. They broke the pentagram and began
but it did not matter - - it found its pleasure within those ungodly confines. a leisurely flyover of the battlefield, cursing any member of Greypack’s pack that still
Its rampage was sickening, hideous, perfect. The screams and its laughter mingled twitched.
in a ghastly chorus. The shrieks lessened and lessened as the demon made its way The Prioress flew over Draco and Granger, her wand raised. She eyed his Auror
through its feast. Now there was only the sound of its terrible pleasure and the shatter insignia and Granger’s lab coat and moved on.
of bone. Draco, petrified of her in both the physical and metaphorical sense, had never been
It saved Greyback for last. happier to be irrelevant.
Greyback fled from one end of the pentagram to the other, desperately The nuns were satisfied with their absolute victory. They conjured a driving rain --
hammering at it with curses. The nuns laughed. He aimed killing curses towards something of holy water, something of the Genesis flood -- that quenched the fires left
them. They dodged and laughed even more. behind by the demon and washed that unhallowed ground clean.

554 | deus ex machina Thirty-Four | 555

 “Shower?” asked Draco.
“Bath?” countered Granger.
“Oh?”
“I quite like the -- jets,” said Granger, working her way down Draco’s buttons.
“Oh.”
Draco shuffled off to run the bath, tripped upon the pants around his ankles,
and threw them at Granger’s head when she laughed.
“They’ve got little broomsticks on them, this time,” came Granger’s amused
observation. She joined him in the bathroom as the enormous tub began to fill.
“Let’s have a look at yours,” said Draco, tugging at her pyjama bottoms.
“I shall disappoint you -- I’m not wearing any knickers.”
“That is anything but disappointing.”
He stood behind her and watched them both in the mirror as he pulled the
things off her. Now she was naked, and he was naked, and all he wanted to do was
run his hands over her and watch her reactions, the arching as he squeezed at a
nipple, the sighing as he kissed at her neck. Gods, the feel of her bare skin against his
cock.
She rubbed her arse against him and smiled at him in the mirror when he took
in a breath. She sent a hand behind her and stroked him. He slipped a hand to her
front, to where things were warmest and growing wetter, and began a little rubbing
of his own. They both began to breathe harder.
“Bath?” gasped Granger.
“Right,” said Draco.
They clambered into the enormous bathtub with a distinct lack of elegance,
given that they were both fixated upon the other’s genitals.
They soaped one another up -- an excellent excuse to continue to grope at each
other. Draco had really intended to get clean and then get her back to the bed for
subsequent activities, but she had said this interesting thing about the jets, and he
was seized by a powerful and randy curiosity.
“So, the jets,” said Draco, turning on every single one. The bathtub became a
frothing whirlpool.
“Yes,” said Granger.
“Show me,” said Draco.
“Wouldn’t you rather participate?”

Thirty-Five | 573
 “I want to watch, to begin. I can join in -- later.”
Granger pressed her lips into a little smirk, then began to feel about with her
hands. Draco watched in a kind of aroused daze, because Granger was in his
bathtub, and there was soap dripping off her tits, which he had put there, and now
she was looking for a jet with which to get herself off, and he wasn’t certain that this
wasn’t some glorious erotic dream.
“I’ve got options, in here. Ooh -- this one,” said Granger, finding a jet at the end
of the tub that gushed out horizontally.
She straddled her jet of choice. “The trick is to position yourself -- just so--”
“Oh?”
“The angle matters rather a lot, of course—”
“Of course.”
“And then we let the -- heat and the -- water do the rest, you know--”
“Right.”
“--doesn’t take very long--”
Draco watched as her explanation became less coherent and, in the following
moments, she grew pinker in the cheeks and along her collarbone. Her lips were
parted. Her eyes, which had been on her own reflection in the mirror, now met his,
dark and inviting. Her breath came faster as the frothing heat between her legs
brought her closer.
Draco’s hand was on his cock -- but lightly, because at this rate, he could come in
a minute from the sights and sounds alone.
She ran a hand down her breast and teased at her own nipple.
“Fucking hell, Granger.”
Her answer was a smiling “Mm.”
She gestured to Draco to come position himself behind her -- which he,
obviously, did with alacrity.
Now he could see the two of them in the mirror. Granger bent over and hooked
her fingers along the edge of the tub. The jet frothed at the front of her, while
Draco was presented with a very wet and slick way in, just above the water line.
He put his hands on her hips. (They did make excellent handles, by the by.)
The way in was snug. She felt engorged. He watched himself enter her, the way
his head opened her up as he nudged himself in, the way her wetness and his
mingled when he pulled out again.

574 | Dynamic Fluid Exchanges

 The jet roiled against his balls as he pushed himself back in, inch by sweet
fucking inch. “I’m going to last about -- forty seconds.”
Her answer was breathy. “Doesn’t matter -- we have -- all morning--”
Draco was not certain he had ever seen a more arousing sight than Granger in
the mirror, edging along the precipice of her orgasm, her breasts moving in time
with his thrusts.
He watched her come, her wet hand clutching at the side of the bathtub, her
cunt clenching around his cock in a long, convulsing squeeze. She rode it out with a
gasp between teeth, pressing her face into her forearm.
The nerve endings from the head of his cock all the way to his balls were
overloaded by the feel of her, by the heat of the water, by the frothing jet. Draco,
unable to withstand any of it, came along with her, thrusting his release in her as far
as he could go.
They breathed. Granger shifted away from the jet, which now pushed at newly
sensitive areas. Draco’s cock slid out of her and dripped semen and her sticky
contributions into the water.
They sank back into the tub, rested their heads on the edge, and panted at the
ceiling.
Granger recovered first. She kissed Draco on his mouth where it hung slack and
stupid and then amused herself with pressing buttons to discover varieties of soap.
“I, for one, feel clean and ready to crack on,” said Granger.
“Drying charm?”
As blood began to make its way back to his brain, Draco began to feel that he
might be in for something. Perhaps Granger did sex as she did everything --
thoroughly. Which was going to be interesting, because he, too, prided himself on
his thoroughness in these matters.
They got out of the tub.
“Clean enough to eat off of?” asked Draco, aiming drying charms at her.
“Do you know, I was just thinking that we haven’t had breakfast.”
“I shall ask the kitchens to send something up.”
“Perfect.”
“Strawberries and cream?”
Granger’s eyes grew bright with amusement. “Strawberries optional.”
“Done.”

Thirty-Five | 575
 Draco slipped on a silk dressing gown to give the order as Granger attempted Only, this time, the terrible incompatibilities had grown irrelevant -- fallen away
some hair management in the mirror. She came out of the bathroom wrapped in a -- mattered for naught. They were two souls who had come near enough to to feel
towel, still pink about the cheeks. A basket of toast awaited, and dippy eggs, and the other’s glow, but now, at last, they met, touched, tangled.
fresh-cut strawberries, and a ridiculously oversized bowl of whipped cream. He slipped the ring onto her finger. He had removed all of the thresholds. She
“An entire bucket,” said Granger, eyeing the thing. “Henriette was insistent. would feel everything. The rings connected. He felt the surge of her heart and she,
Shall we have a swim in it?” with a gasp, felt his.
“I should’ve let you buy that boat.” He held her to him, lifted her, and spun her, laughing, amongst swirling nebulae
Speaking of boats, Draco ate breakfast with his cock at half mast, which amused of snowflakes catching the sun.
Granger tremendously when she noticed. She was his and he was utterly hers.
“The dangly bits are escaping,” she said, pointing to Draco’s crotch with a fork. In snow-felted twilight, under spilling skies and starshine and a sun standing still,
“I don’t think this counts as dangly.” they kissed, they promised, they loved. What cared they about universes colliding?
“You’re quite right. Rather more turgid than anything else.” Let them collide. Let their joined heartbeats cleave constellations and startle the
Draco looked down. “These bits wanted to escape last time I was with you in a eternal stars.
dressing gown, but you were too busy being scandalised by Soviet irrigation
projects.”
Granger laughed. “I needed a distraction.”
“Oh? From what?”
Granger occupied herself with a strawberry.
“From me out of the shower?” pressed Draco. “Was it? Tell me.”
“Never.”
“Are you being coy with me after what you just did in the bath?”
“That didn’t result in suffocating levels of smugness from you,” sniffed Granger.
“So you did want to play with my dangly bits.”
Granger sipped her tea with an infuriating amount of ambivalence. The End
Draco sat back. “You did. You’d be fervently denying it if you didn’t.”
“Mere conjecture.” Granger looked at him and his smirk. “You smug -- ugh -- I
shall drown you in the whipped cream.”
“I do intend to be face-first in it at some point this morning,” said Draco, his
smirk widening. “Well, I’m not going to be coy -- I can happily admit that I
would’ve shagged you in that hotel room, repeatedly, for three or four days. Only
you had to go off and save the world. Insufferable.”
Granger smiled into her teacup.
“Now your smugness is suffocating,” said Draco.
“Good,” said Granger.

576 | Dynamic Fluid Exchanges Thirty-Six | 601

to -- yes to everything. To whatever it might mean. Yes to stupid dates, yes to being “Tell me you wanted to shag me,” said Draco.
together-together, yes to -- to marrying you, to spending the rest of my life with “Make me,” said Granger.
you. Yes to every blithering word.” “Really?”
“Are you -- certain? I’m -- the worst of blitherers -- of men in general--” “Yes.”
She cut him off with a kiss and, in a voice choked with emotion, whispered, “I “Safe word?”
love you,” against his lips. “Neville.”
His head spun. His soul flew. He kissed her back, then his overfull heart surged “Gods.”
out wants in a breathless sequence against her mouth. “I want more time with you “I know.”
-- I want us to have the same bed. I want you to outwit me daily. I want to give you, “Get on the bed.”
gods, so many things. I want quickies in bathrooms -- dances -- photographs in Granger flung her arms towards him with a lazy sort of gesture. He carried her to
lockets--” the bed instead, which was even better. Bridal-style.
Tears or snowflakes clung to her lashes. She gasped another yes against his lips. Not that he was thinking about brides, or marrying the tits off her, or anything.
“I’m the luckiest idiot who ever walked this earth,” said Draco, holding her face, He deposited her on his bed amongst white sheets and fluffy pillows and
pressing his forehead against hers. stopped to look at her -- her plait across his pillow, the press of her breasts where the
“I can assure you that that title goes to me,” said Granger in a voice that shook. towel squeezed them together, her half-hidden thighs that he would soon be
“You’re Granger -- contradiction in terms.” exposing and enjoying.
She laughed amongst the tears. “How do you make me -- so happy--” “What?” she asked when she noticed him standing and staring.
“Shall we -- shall we have one last, grand adventure together?” “Taking in the moment,” said Draco. He undid the twist that held her towel up.
She could speak no further. She nodded, then pressed her face into his chest. “This feels rather like unwrapping a lovely present.”
She had said yes. She had kissed yeses into his mouth. He wanted to weep, he “I’m not sure who the present is for more,” sighed Granger when Draco, unable
wanted to crush her, he wanted to drop onto one knee, he wanted everything, all of to help himself, bent over to press kisses along her clavicle.
this stupid love thing, he wanted it rife with cliché, another kiss, another moment, “Happy early Christmas to both of us, then,” said Draco.
forever and ever-- He floated the vessel of whipped cream towards them, then conjured a
He felt the warmth of her breath through his cloak. She put her small, shaking blindfold. “Yes?”
grasp around him and made a serious attempt to squeeze the life out of him. “Ooh. Yes.”
And -- his long list notwithstanding -- he didn’t want anything more than this. “Excellent.”
This witch in his arms, doing her utmost to crack his ribs. “The turgid bits have decidedly made their escape.” said Granger, running a
He had, at last, found his enough. fingertip along the underside of his cock, which now poked out of the dressing
The sun was setting. The stars glittered their lovely awakening. gown.
As they had been in this very garden so many months ago, they were, once again, Draco let her touch, then pulled her hand down. “As -- bloody enjoyable as that
only a man and a woman amongst green boughs and a rustling breeze. is -- this is meant to be about you, and cajoling out confessions.”
Only, this time, the violent polarities that had kept them apart drew them Granger bit her lip and said, “Cajole away.”
together. After all, fire loves her darkness. After all, the sinner loves his angel. Draco tied the silken blindfold around her head and stole a kiss before he began.
Autumn, laughing, dances her leaves into the high skies of her winter. The moon
spins in gyre after gyre, chasing his beloved sun.

600 | Journeys end in lovers meeting Thirty-Five | 577

 Well -- he meant to merely steal a kiss, but he felt her tongue against his, and then “You fixed it,” gasped Granger in delight. “Well done!”
found himself unable to pull away, and put an elbow into the pillow, and was “I did. I’d like you to -- have it.”
thoroughly distracted by her mouth. She looked up at him. “To wear it again?”
It was only when he found himself sliding a hand between her thighs that he “No. Well, yes. But I mean -- have it.”
broke away. “Right,” he breathed. “The whipped cream.” “Have it?” Granger searched his eyes. “But -- these are your family rings.”
“The entire point of the exercise,” said Granger, as breathless as he was. Right. He was botching this completely and he was going to have to spell it out
A silver spoon stood upright in the bowl of whipped cream. Draco loaded it up, for her, even as his heart was doing its utmost to block his throat.
dripping slightly with the stuff, and turned to take in the sight of Granger, naked “Yes -- of course -- you’re right. These are my family rings.” He paused, took a
and blindfolded on his bed, her hands over her head. Her lips were swollen and wet, breath, and continued. “And I’d -- what I’m trying to say -- badly -- is that I’d like
which brought to mind other swollen and wet bits, which put Draco’s head back in you to be part of my family. Or -- for me to be part of yours. Or for us to make a
the game. new one, together -- or any iteration you’d like. What I’m trying to ask is -- if you’d
Draco dipped a finger into the whipped cream and held it against Granger’s lips. give it a go with me--”
“Try it. You must tell me if it’s up to par.” His voice caught. Now she was beginning to understand. Her lips parted. A few
He felt the flick of her tongue against his finger -- a rather clever kind of flick, a snowflakes drifted down and caught in her hair, on the rose, and left melting kisses
flick that knew exactly what it was doing. As for the soft sucking -- that sensation on her cheek.
went straight to his penis. “Potter and Weasley asked me what my -- intentions were, with you,” continued
“Perfect,” said Granger. Draco. “And I hadn’t an answer -- didn’t know I had any. But I do. I want to be
Draco bent over her and kissed her, and tasted the residual sweetness. “You’ve with you -- in whatever capacity you'll have me.”
got a naughty sort of tongue.” Now there were tears in her eyes.
An equally naughty sort of smile was his answer. He forged ahead -- it was too late to turn back now. “I love you -- I adore you -- I
He had intended to place a dollop upon every inch of Granger that he wished to want us to be together. Together-together. I, frankly, would like to spend the rest of
kiss, but discovered as he went that he wanted to kiss every literal inch of her, which my life with you, but we can do stupid dates first, or a proper courtship, or -- an
would involve dumping the entire vessel upon her, which, while hilarious, would engagement (though I rather think that we got engaged in March, as much as you
not be as sexy. would deny it) -- or anything you’d like.”
He therefore exercised restraint and prioritised. The globs of whipped cream She gasped out a sob that was, somehow, also a sound of delight. “Are you asking
formed a particular shape. He enjoyed her twitches as she flinched when the cool me to marry you?”
cream touched warm skin. “Yes -- I am. If you want to -- obviously -- but I would also be happy simply
Granger went silent and was most definitely attempting to work it out, even as being with you -- whatever that might mean -- whatever you’d like it to mean. I
she shuddered. “What are you drawing?” she asked at length. “It had better not be don’t bloody know -- I’m rubbish at this. Something about you reduces me to a
the letter D—” blithering fool. I realise asking for the rest of our lives is probably too much, too fast,
“Oh, no -- far better. It’s a constellation.” so--”
“Oh?” “Yes,” said Granger.
“The constellation of Draco, to be specific.” “Yes?” repeated Draco. “You -- want to?”
“You are--” She approached. She held his cold hand in her warm ones, and drew it, ring and
all, towards her heart. Tears mingled with the snow-melt on her cheek. “Yes, I want

578 | Dynamic Fluid Exchanges Thirty-Six | 599

effect had occurred only minimally, interspersed with exclamations of “Look!” and Draco never found out what he was -- she cut herself off with a gasp. He had
“Can you imagine?” placed cream upon her nipples in two dollops that had absolutely nothing to do
Draco nodded and pretended to understand and said that it was all bloody good with constellations.
news, well done, well fucking done. “You can’t tell me you’re surprised about that,” said Draco.
Granger beamed. She clutched the results to her chest, spun upon her heel, took “It’s cold.”
in a breath, and let it out in a warm mist. “I shall warm it up, sharpish,” said Draco, drawing creamy lines up her thighs,
With a new serenity, she folded her papers and pressed them into her coat. Now towards the juncture between her legs.
she looked at Draco with a soft, smiling delight. A great peace descended on her -- He set aside the cream and began. His mouth followed a trail down from her
the peace that follows years of effort and persistence, when those efforts have, at sweet mouth to her neck, across her collar bones, and to her breasts. The contrast
long last, borne fruit. She had accomplished the impossible. She had achieved a between the cool cream and the warmth of her stiffened nipples was gorgeous.
dream. “Delicious,” said Draco.
Draco felt that rush of admiration and affection that had grown terribly familiar, Granger, arching her back, breathed out some kind of agreement. Her hands
when Granger was around -- the press at his heart, the headiness. Extraordinary were at her sides, pressed into the mattress. One of her legs twitched up and
witch. Incredible woman. Beloved, beloved, beloved. brushed against Draco’s erection. It was tempting to indulge in a bit of frottage
The sun shone from behind clouds. against her, but he refrained.
“It’s the winter solstice today,” said Granger, looking up at it. “Yule.” Instead, he kissed and licked his way down her stomach and then, just when he
“Is it? What -- a Pagan holiday, and we haven’t some asterisky adventure to frolic had reached the interesting bits, and Granger had grown quite still, he stopped, and
off to?” kissed the cream off of her left thigh.
“Strange, isn’t it?” Granger breathed out. He made his way up soft skin and cream, all the way to
“Shall we nip away to the Orkney Islands before dinner?” the innermost part of her thigh. Granger breathed in, her fingertips pushed into the
Granger laughed. “It’s a fascinating astronomical event in its own mattress.
right. Solstitium’s literal meaning is ‘the sun stands still’ -- and it will. Quite soon, I He stopped again and turned his attention to the line of cream going up her
think. And then the days will grow longer again. A time for new beginnings, right thigh. The sigh that followed was -- frustrated.
according to the old ways.” “I can feel your smirk,” said Granger as Draco worked his way back up.
“New beginnings,” repeated Draco. “That is -- rather convenient.” “Oops,” said Draco.
“Oh?” “Insufferable -- mm—”
Draco found himself, again, seized by that fool’s courage -- as well as the squeeze Draco had tasted his tart.
of nerves. “Now I begin my interrogation,” said Draco.
“I -- have something for you,” said Draco. “I must be strong,” said Granger.
His voice verged, suddenly, on the shaky. His voice was never shaky. He had “Tell me about the Seneca,” said Draco, teasing at her with a fingertip. He found
wanted to be suave. But this was Granger, ergo, no suave. Blast it all to hell. her slick, a mix of their earlier activities and new arousal.
Granger turned her attention from the sky to him. Her focus was curious, “Wh-what do you want to know?”
gentle. “Why you wouldn’t look at me.”
With fingers that felt a bit trembly, Draco took out the ring. It sat in his palm, a He pressed his finger into her, one, two knuckles deep. She groaned out
simple silver band. approval, then said, “You already know.”

598 | Journeys end in lovers meeting Thirty-Five | 579

 “I love to hear it.” Mabon. A stolen dance. Samhain and the night in Spain. Triumphs on the
“Because you were -- stupidly attractive -- no one has any right to strut about battlefield amongst fire and blood. A kiss under sanctified rain.
looking like that, all -- steaming and dripping. I didn’t want to look up because I He felt a sweet sort of sadness that something was over -- but there swelled in
didn’t want to know -- didn’t want those pictures in my head -- looked anyway, of him, also, a hope that something new and wonderful was about to begin.
course, damn you--” There was a strange loveliness to the evening sky. Snow clouds threatened, but
Draco pulled his finger out, had a taste, and resisted the urge to plunge in and the sun danced amongst them, sifting delicate gold here and there through the grey.
finish this right now. He was no longer certain who the fuck was teasing whom. It washed light and dark over the grounds in a pale, luminous impasto.
“So we could’ve spent three days shagging,” said Draco, brushing his lips against Granger’s footprints led to the rose garden’s snow-ivied walls.
her wetness as he spoke. Rose bushes, charmed to resist the cold, dripped with icicles that fixed the light
“We had a professional relationship,” said Granger. into frozen glints. The roses themselves looked even more opulent than usual under
“So righteous,” said Draco, flicking his tongue where his finger had been. “I’m their pelerines of snow. Heavy heads bent under the weight of it, glowing lustres of
going to lick that right out of you.” ruby or pink or crimson through the white.
He did so. There is something of a fairy tale about roses under snow -- in the frosted leaves,
Granger gasped. “But -- to be sincere--” in the bending stalks, in blossoms unscarred, touching petal to petal like the lips of
“Yes?” lovers. Something of a love story, something of a happily ever after.
“The -- competence in the crypt was possibly even more of a knicker-soaker--” Draco picked a rose -- a deep red one, the colour of romance, of heart-blood.
Draco paused in his ministrations. “I think we both share that -- predilection. The stirring beauty of the rose garden was made more beautiful, still, by the
Next question: tell me what happened after our -- encounter -- at the window woman walking through it.She had paced out a circle of footprints around the
ledge.” fountain. Her nose and cheeks were nipped pink by the cold. She smiled as he
“F-felt it through the ring, did you?” approached.
“Yes.” In her hands, a sheaf of papers. In his hands, a rose.
“I had -- suspected. I hadn’t come so hard in months.” “What are you up to?” she asked, when he approached her with it.
“I’ve just changed my mind,” said Draco. He caught one of her hands and “Mischief, as usual,” said Draco. He slid the rose into her hair and stood back to
brought it inwards. “I don’t want you to tell me -- I want you to show me.” contemplate the effect. “Gilding the lily, really -- holding a lantern to the sun.”
Granger laughed. “Hedonist.” Granger eyed him with amusement and suspicion, even as she blushed. She
“Mm,” said Draco, sitting back a bit to give her room to manoeuvre. “First class touched her fingertips to the petals. “Thank you. It’s lovely.”
seats. I’ll have you know that I am stroking myself.” “And what are you up to?” asked Draco.
“Not too much,” tutted Granger. “You must leave me something to play with, “Reeling,” said Granger. She waved her papers at him. “I’ve just got back from
after--” the lab. We’ve received some preliminary results.”
“There will be -- a lot to play with,” said Draco, glancing down at his cock. “Good?”
Draco conducted a swot analysis. He watched her touch herself, two fingers “More than good -- fantastic. Beyond what I could’ve hoped.”
pressing small circles around and around -- she favoured a light touch, then, and not She came to his side and showed him the results, the incomprehensible rows of
too much direct contact. She pushed a finger lower, gathered up wetness, and came data that made her so happy. She explained things in a rush of enthusiasm, how
back up again to continue her rhythmic circles. these and those numbers were so promising, that this and that anticipated side-

580 | Dynamic Fluid Exchanges Thirty-Six | 597

 “Is she here yet?” he asked. Draco took his hand off his cock. He was almost ready to come, himself. Fuck.
“Colleague Healer Granger went for a walk,” said Tupey. “We told her that you And she was bringing herself there, too. He watched a new trickle make its way
would be late, sir.” down between her fingers. He pushed her hand away and pressed it into the
“Colleague Healer Granger,” repeated Draco. mattress. “My turn.”
“Sir?” Granger sighed.
Draco grasped at his pocket. “My hope is that -- my hope is that she won’t be He put one finger into her, then another, squeezed at the knuckles by her
Colleague Healer Granger for much longer.” snugness. He pushed and pulled in a cadence matching the one she had shown him.
Both house-elves turned to look at him with wide eyes. Tupey’s feather duster His tongue found salt and tang and recreated those small circles of hers.
quivered. As she began to squirm, Draco found himself sorely missing the ring. But, no
“I hope she’ll become something else -- if she’ll have me,” said Draco, feeling matter -- he had other indicators.
rather quivery himself. She wasn’t a screamer. She was a grabber. Her hands found his hair. Her thighs
Henriette dropped her parchment. Her small hands clasped at her heart. The clamped around his ears. She pushed her hips into him as his fingers pulled in and
elves flung themselves at him. Each hugged one of his thighs. out and his tongue kissed out rhythmic heat against her.
“You must change, Monsieur,” said Henriette, stepping back and growing “Exactly -- like -- that--” was her sole instruction, dutifully carried out by Draco.
businesslike. “You smell like un cadavre.” The movement of her hips grew erratic. Draco held her arse to keep her pushed
“Yes, well -- the undead in Grimsby, you know--” against his mouth.
Ten minutes later, Draco had been whipped into the shower and whirled into She convulsed against him, gasped, and came with long contractions against his
fresh robes. He was then equipped with life advice from Henriette, such as the fingers, four, five, six, of them, as he worked his tongue against her. He felt himself
importance of being humble and sincere, et surtout! Surtout! not bungling this, twitch and drip into the sheets. Hot. Fucking hot.
Monsieur, or she would be cross. There was a shudder and she was still, panting, flushed from her neck down to
In spite of her severe words, her eyes brimmed with tears as she helped him with her breasts.
his cloak. Draco pushed himself up carefully, avoiding touching at his cock, which, frankly,
Tupey sobbed into his feather duster. felt ready to spurt out its own orgasm at the slightest provocation. He slipped the
Draco dearly hoped that he would be giving them a reason to smile soon -- blindfold off her. Her eyes were dark and dreamy.
otherwise, he would be joining them in the crying. “You’re fucking beautiful,” said Draco.
He stepped outside and found Granger’s footprints in the snow. He followed She drifted in her afterglow with a smile and watched him lick his fingers. Draco
them, feeling rather like a man on a mission. Possibly the most significant mission of fell onto the bed next to her and propped his head up on his fist.
his life. What a feeling -- what a hideous, vulnerable, glorious feeling. “Some cajoling,” said Granger in a soft voice.
The air smelled of just-before snow. “I feel like you’re going to make me regret it.” She smiled the Nundu smile.
As Draco walked, memories of their year together unwound before him in a soft “Shit,” said Draco.
chronology. The February day in Glastonbury, their quarrel at Ostara, banoffee pie “You look worried.”
scarfed down like barbarians. Beltane and its seas and smoke. Chocolate by a “I am. But -- worth it for the wank bank material.” Granger threw a pillow at
fountain. Solstice and sun-drenched Provence. Healing and inadvertent disclosures him.
at St. Mungo’s. Lingering too long under wisteria. Lughnasadh’s gentle meander “I must call a recess before we continue, given that I’m a soft breeze away from
down memory lane. Laughing fits with mud in their mouths and the magic of getting off, myself,” said Draco, catching the pillow.

596 | Journeys end in lovers meeting Thirty-Five | 581

 Granger bent towards his erection, put her mouth an inch from it, and breathed They’d want to murder each other through new and sensational means. They’d
her warm breath on it. probably call it a mistake, some days. But they would come to understandings. And
“A soft breeze, you say?” perhaps, eventually, she would agree to live at the Manor with him, and fill its lofty
“Oi,” said Draco. “That’s -- unsporting.” halls with warmth. Or, perhaps, he would move into her cottage, and do something
“Do you want me to stop?” asked Granger, her words feather-light touches of about the mess of books in that front room. Perhaps, one day, they would have
breath against his shaft. children, and those children would have childhoods free of pain and war. Or
“Yes. No. Fuck.” perhaps they would simply enjoy each other, and go wherever the wind -- or
Granger gave him a sensible sort of nod. “We ought to take that recess.” Granger’s do-gooding -- took them. Or perhaps they would become gentlemen
She clambered over him, accidentally-on-purpose brushed her slickness against thieves. Or adopt orphans and instill moral fibres in them.
him, and got off the bed. But he was getting ahead of himself with these speculations. He had to ask her,
Draco laid on the bed and stared at the ceiling with a clenched jaw. first.
Granger poured herself a glass of water at the table. “Aren’t you coming?” she Draco had a conversation with his mother. He explained a great many things
asked over her shoulder. that had heretofore been kept secret -- the rings, Granger living at the Manor, his
“Trying not to,” said Draco. unwise, not-allowed Feelings. He had expected, at the very least, annoyance, if not
He looked -- didn’t look -- looked again -- at her arse. anger, at his temerity on all fronts. Instead, his mother grew teary, and asked a
question.
“I should like to bite that,” declared Draco. “Back up over here, won’t you?”
“And you’re -- happy, aren’t you?” she sniffed.
“I think you ought to take your break while you can,” said Granger.
“Yes,” said Draco with unusual sincerity -- and a wide, wide smile.
She did not back herself within biting range. Suppressing a grin, she disappeared
“Then so am I.”
into the bathroom to wipe off the worst of her sticky spots. Draco rose to drink and
have a bite of toast. His penis accepted the interlude and began a downward She took him in her thin arms and hugged him.
trajectory. “And,” said Narcissa into his shoulder, “I will gladly admit that I was wrong --
Granger came out of the bathroom, swimming in one of Draco’s silky dressing she did exist, after all.”
gowns. “Who?”
“No,” groaned Draco when he saw the change of attire. “Stay naked. I was “The perfect witch you were waiting for.”
admiring.”
“Here,” said Granger, opening the front of the gown a bit. “I shall pull a Malfoy
and make an egregious display for you.” A few days before Christmas, Draco invited Granger to the Manor for dinner.
“That is far from egregious,” said Draco, waving his hand at her. “More.” Much to his annoyance, he was late getting home that evening, having been
“Like this?” asked Granger, having opened a modest window to show off her occupied with chasing after a lich in Grimsby. He stepped out of the Floo to find
cleavage. the Manor resplendent with Christmas decorations -- tinsel of twinned silver and
“No. Kindly stop being a nun.” gold, white clusters of candles, and garlands wafting the scent of pine.
Granger gave him a little scoff. “That is so rich, coming from you.” Tupey dusted him off. Henriette, a quill behind her ear and a scroll of
“All the way down. In fact, leave it untied. Offer me glimpses.” parchment in her hand, interrogated Draco on a few items for the dinner menu.
Draco had little interest in the matter -- he had absolutely no appetite, given that his
“Better?”
intestines were a knot of nerves.

582 | Dynamic Fluid Exchanges Thirty-Six | 595

extravagant, which even Draco found rather tempting when Granger showed them “Yes. We must have you in the next issue of Fantastic Teats and Where To Find
to him. Them.”
Granger watched the one-upmanship unfurl with a raised eyebrow, said that it Granger’s attention was on Draco’s groin. He did not object to the change of
was all very flattering, and decided to remain at Cambridge. They gave her the subject.
entirety of King’s Hall’s third floor to expand her laboratory and funded a new “Have things grown dangly again?” she asked. “Shall we proceed?”
facility for mass-production of her treatment. “Examine us, Doctor,” said Draco.
She won an absurd amount of prizes to add to her mosaic. Meanwhile, Muggle She slipped a hand between the folds of his gown. “Mm. Not exactly dangly, but
universities found an unaccountable influx of interest in their immunology -- a good starting point.”
programmes by prospective students with strange and wonderful academic “And what are we starting?” asked Draco.
qualifications. Granger tripped off to the bedside table and found Draco’s wand. She gave it to
As for Draco, well -- he was awarded an Order of Merlin, First Class, for Acts of him. “I should like you to conduct a spot of Legilimency on me to find out.”
Outstanding Bravery, for his diverse manifestations of idiocy on the battlefield. He Well, that was new and exciting. “Oh?”
was also given a letter of reprimand for Conduct Unbecoming of an Auror for Granger stood before him. Draco, his eyebrows raised, asked, “You’re sure?”
inappropriate acts with his Principal. It was signed by Tonks, with a post-scriptum “Yes.”
enquiring about when the wedding would be. He framed the letter and put it in “Legilimens.”
pride of place on his cubicle wall, next to the Order of Merlin. Granger’s It felt surprisingly intimate, entering a mind that was so willing to have him. He
photograph from the original casefile was pinned next to it. She tutted at him when felt the warmth of her, the currents of intelligence, the complexities, the knowledge.
he came in late.
She offered a thought to him. The scene was a long-daydreamed delight.
Draco returned to his usual assortment of missions. And, when he wasn’t
“Ooh,” said Draco, pulling out of her mind, his eyebrows raised.
dealing with naughty witches and wizards, he faffed about with a certain damaged
“Are you game?” asked Granger.
ring. The words carved into it -- purity will always conquer -- meant something
“Obviously.”
different, now. Purity had conquered, but it had been purity another kind -- of
purpose, of heart and mind. “Safe word?”
As for the Something between Draco and Granger -- they saw each other when “Prolapse.”
their schedules permitted, perhaps every second or third day. As December drew to “You horrid man.”
its end, Draco decided that, whatever it was, it wasn’t enough. He did not want to She guided him towards the bed with a hand around his penis.
go back to Jotted notes, not when he could kiss meanings out onto her neck. He “And take this off,” she said, tugging at his dressing gown.
didn’t want to wake up in separate beds. He didn’t want scheduling. He wanted a Draco did as he was bid. Now it was his turn to recline against the pillows, stark
Life Together. bollock naked. Properly living the dream, he was.
It seemed a divine objective, and a terrifying one. He wanted to try this thing Granger pointed her wand towards his dressing room and said, “Accio
with Granger -- this next adventure. It frightened him far more than any of the cufflinks.”
others. More than the Keepers, more than the nuns, more than Greyback’s mania -- A pair of silver cufflinks flew into the room, floated next to Draco’s wrists, and
but it might make things Enough. was swiftly Transfigured into handcuffs, chained between the bedposts. Whatever
A life together with Granger -- whatever form it took -- wouldn’t be perfect, dangliness remained in Draco’s penis quite vanished.
smooth sailing into a perpetual sunset. This, he knew. They would quarrel often. “Blindfold?” enquired Granger.

594 | Journeys end in lovers meeting Thirty-Five | 583

 Draco, feeling preemptively dazed, said, “Fuck, no -- I want to watch.”
“Very well,” said Granger.
She settled herself beside him, propped her head upon her palm, and began to
trip delicate fingers along his body, slightly languid, slightly exploratory.

36
“You really are the Platonic ideal of a man,” she said.
“I don’t want to be a platonic anything, with you.”
Granger laughed. With a wave of her wand, she levitated the vessel of whipped
cream towards herself and cast a cooling charm on it. “We mustn’t let this go to
waste.”
Draco shuddered out a delicious shiver as Granger began to float gobs of
whipped cream over him with her wand.
Journeys End in Lovers
Hers were very focused on his erection, and placed with a great deal of precision
along the shaft and upon the head, making of it a ridiculous piled-up penile
Meeting
knickerbocker glory.

D
“Cold?” asked Granger. ecember’s full moon came and went. There were no further werewolf
“Yes.” attacks. The wizarding world sighed in relief -- Greyback and his pack
“Perhaps my plan is to induce shrinkage, so that I might better get my mouth had been well and truly eradicated. And, if someone of his ilk did come
around it.” back, well -- there was a cure, now. Lycanthropy was no longer the life-changing
“Very -- clever,” breathed Draco as she began to lick her way up his stomach, affliction that it used to be.
“but I worry that your mouth anywhere near it will have the contrary effect.” In the days and weeks that followed, normalcy returned to Draco and Granger’s
“Oh? I shall have to test it,” said Granger. lives. Granger moved back to her cottage -- this despite Draco mentioning, with
Now she coiled her hair over her head, pushed her wand through it in a eminent casualness, that he didn’t mind if she stayed at the Manor longer. By which
businesslike fashion, and got to work. he clearly meant that he wanted to spend the rest of his life there with her, but she
She kissed up the cream that she had dotted across his chest, licked up the daubs was obtuse about it.
she had placed upon his nipples (with much smirking when she felt him twitch), Anyway, Granger moved back into her cottage. She returned to her good works
and came up his neck (bliss) to kiss him on the mouth. at Muggle Cambridge, at her local surgery, and at St. Mungo’s A&E. The sound of
Delicious. One of his hands jerked forwards to snatch at the back of her neck a whip cracked over the St. Mungo’s Board of Directors.
and hold her there, only -- the handcuffs. Her advancements in magical immunology took wizarding academia by storm
“Oh no,” said Granger. and rocketed her to scholarly superstardom. What seemed like every magical
Draco hooked a leg around her instead, but it was not the same. Her kiss went research institution in the world endeavoured to poach her from Cambridge.
from deep and sweet with tongue to a feather-light version brushing just across his Oxford was particularly insistent and attempted to recruit her with promises of
lips. heading her own research institute -- and budgets, staff, and resources beyond her
He made a sound of discontent when she pulled away. wildest dreams. Cambridge scrambled to make a counter-offer to ensure that
Granger would stay. The Sorbonne sent in a proposal that bordered on outrageous.
Heavyweight American universities entered the fray with offers even more

584 | Dynamic Fluid Exchanges Thirty-Six | 593

 That night, when everyone -- but particularly Potter and Weasley -- had fucked She moved lower and lower. He looked down and she was there, an elbow
off, Draco joined Granger in her rooms. propped on the mattress between his thighs, observing the slow melt of cream
By then, they had got the worst of the randiness out of their systems, and they down his shaft.
were able to take it slow, and it was something rather more akin to making love. He had fantasised about something like this so much, he was, once again, not
There was such pleasure in it. Not raw, carnal pleasure -- that had been found convinced that this wasn’t a dream. It couldn’t be real.
several times that morning -- but something intimate, and slow, and sweet. They A very real fingertip collected a melting drip of whipped cream halfway down
undressed each other with care and caresses. She took off his braces and cufflinks his penis, swiped it up his length to the very tip, and was pressed into a mouth.
with a soft smile upon her face. He pulled the hairpins from her hair -- all except “Fuck me,” sighed Draco.
one, out of lingering paranoia. She unbuttoned his shirt; he lifted her top off. “I can confirm that your definition of large met my expectations,” said Granger.
When they were both naked, he lay her onto the pillows with that lovely chaos Draco had no coherent response to offer, as she chose that moment to begin
of hair around her, under the light of a waxing moon. She was the enchantress that kissing her way up his shaft, while gentle fingers tugged at his balls.
he had glimpsed at long ago. He drew his fingers through her hair and felt the She was terribly thorough about it -- terribly scientific -- every ridge and bump
impossibility of it, of the realness of this dream- vision. He told her that she was and vein was discovered, and treated to the flick of a hot little tongue, and she
beautiful. She told him to kiss her. hadn’t even got to the head yet, and he felt close. He wanted to hold her by the hair,
Their kisses yielded secrets. He told her of his Amortentia and she told him of wanted to grasp at a breast, but he was cuffed, and he suffered deliciously instead.
hers, and they found delightful surprises in the other’s answers, of flying, and the “Mm,” said Granger. “You were right.”
sea, and roses, and his hair, and desert sands, and her soap, and his cologne, and “Oh?” said Draco in a strangled voice.
honeyed cider, and cherries, bits and pieces and memories and moments that had “The shrinkage, if any, did not persist.”
brought them together. He told her what he thought of when he cast a Patronus. “I’m always right -- you ought have to -- learn th--”
She told him of her puzzle, of paradoxes now solved. He cut himself off with a groan. The flicks of her tongue became licks and
It was a gentle delirium of stupidities and vulnerabilities. They made love in it, velvety caresses along his length. Her fingers joined in, following her mouth in a
whispering wants, long-unvoiced, into the other’s ear. Their hearts thudded and slow up and down.
surged. Their mouths reaped and harvested kisses, and, when they spun over the Draco let his head fall back and stared at his handcuffed hands. Now he felt her
edge together, each gasped out the other’s name. palm, too, and the other -- now both hands were working him over, up and down,
while her tongue made a little half- circle just under his head.
He closed his eyes. He would have given -- anything -- for her to take him
entirely into her mouth, at that moment.
She didn’t, obviously. She left the tip untouched. She knew she had him where
she wanted him -- everything gave him away, his closed eyes, his heavy breathing, the
tension running through him, the precome that dripped amongst the cream at his
untouched head.
“Glurkk,” he commented sagaciously.
“Tell me about the wank bank material,” said Granger, cupping a palm around
his balls. “I’ve a burning curiosity.”

592 | Dynamic Fluid Exchanges Thirty-Five | 585

 “This is -- one of several scenarios,” gasped Draco. “Your mouth on me -- but -- The cat began to knead Draco’s thigh, too close his crotch for comfort -- another
the real thing is so much better than what I’d been able to imagine--” intimidation tactic, no doubt. Granger saw Draco’s wide eyes and came to the
She rewarded him with a long series of licks. Her hands continued their slow up rescue. She picked up the cat and gave it a kiss on its ugly head before sending it on
and down. “I actually thought of this when I -- not sure I should be telling you this its merry way through the door.
—” “I still want to know how he’s getting in,” said Draco.
Her hands moved faster -- an encouragement. “Should’ve worked that into your provisos,” said Granger. “I am so pleased that
“--When I cracked one off in your shower -- the night I stayed over. Bit of a you’re getting along.”
danger wank, that was -- in case you needed further confirmation that I am a horrid “I’m not sure it’s the most egalitarian of getting-alongs.”
man--” “You sound as though he has something terrible on you.”
Her hands paused. Draco stole a glance downwards to see her looking at him “He threatened to go after my nipples, should I, in any way, displease you.”
with a new flush on her cheeks. Granger laughed and pressed a kiss onto one of the nipples in question. “I shall
“Did you really?” keep you safe.”
“Yes.” “Thank you. I can’t decide whether the cat or the Prioress terrifies me more, at
“That’s -- ridiculous, and yet -- very hot. Continue.” the minute.”
“Backless gowns -- taking you from behind, heels on. Have wanted to since that “New Boggart, is it?”
party about the orphans--” “Not quite,” said Draco. He had an entirely new terror, there.
He felt the warmth of her laughter against his cock and then the welcome Granger yawned. “Shall we have a shower and give the others a sign of life?”
wetness of tongue. “What else?” “No,” said Draco, selfishly.
“You in handcuffs--” “I think we ought to, or Harry and Ron might burst in next.”
“I shall have to give you cause to arrest me.” “It’s one thing for that cryptid of yours to get in, but if those two bumblers got
“Good. Biting -- obviously, you went to such lengths to prevent a dental through my wards, I’d know I was losing my touch.”
misalignment--” “You were a bit distracted when you were casting them,” said Granger.
“Mm. We must put it to good use.” She then proceeded to distract him again by walking to the bathroom and
Draco was finding it difficult to concentrate. Her tongue was -- wow. “Professor letting the robe slip off as she went.
fantasies -- can’t decide if you’d be for it--” All other issues lost their significance over chasing Granger’s bare bum.
The tongue paused. “I might be, with the right man.” “Again?” gasped Granger as Draco ran after her and pushed his half-hard self
The tongue resumed, accompanied by suckling. Still his head had received no against her.
attention. It looked red-purple under the cream. “Obviously. Still plenty of life left in the old bag.”
“I’d better be the right fucking man -- I will kill every other man to be the right As they entered the bathroom, Draco caught sight of himself in the mirror. His
fucking man--” She laughed. He hadn’t been joking. hair looked like a pineapple. In a moment of real personal growth, he discovered
He lifted his hips, as though he might find a way to push himself into her that he didn’t care.
mouth. He managed to bump her on the cheek. The brief feeling of soft skin on his They showered, amongst other naughty things. Then, because Granger desired
touch-starved head was gorgeous. it, they went downstairs to give the requisite sign of life.
“What else?” prompted Granger, wiping a smear of cream from her cheek and
resuming her attentions.

586 | Dynamic Fluid Exchanges Thirty-Five | 591

 The cat’s long stare informed him that it had indeed taken note, and that any “I’m going to need you to tell me I’m a good boy, at some point--”
progress was, in fact, its doing, given that Draco was largely a useless imbecile. Draco “Oh?”
could offer payment in the form of kippered herring at breakfast. “You doing arithmancy -- in my study -- on my lap -- riding me --”
“...You weren’t really lost, were you, that one time? And the other night -- you “My. I like that one.”
weren’t really chasing a leaf.” Now the suckling moved to the underside of his shaft, the exquisitely sensitive
No, said the cat. Of course not. Draco was a bumbler and at some point a cat part just below the tip. His entire penis twitched upwards. A glob of cream fell
simply runs out of patience. The twitch of the cat’s tail informed Draco that, by the wetly onto the sheets. His cock desperately produced another few drops of
by, the consequences would be dire for him, should he bollocks this up. precome, mingling with the remaining cream.
Frankly, the cat intimidated Draco far more than Potter and Weasley. The cat “Oops,” said Granger. “Slip of the tongue.”
actually had the gumption to carry out its threats. “T-told you I liked those,” stammered Draco.
Draco pulled a sheet over himself, feeling that the old sausage and beans were She laughed and, finally, took pity on him.
rather too exposed, with those claws at this level of proximity. “That concludes my interrogation,” she said, with a terrible amount of
“I shan’t bollocks it up,” whispered Draco. “I can’t bollocks it. I care for her far satisfaction. “Thank fuck.”
too much -- it’s a horrid feeling--” It had been one thing to imagine her mouth on him, but it was quite another to
The yellow eyes stared at him. feel it, the smooth tongue, the sweet pressure of her lips finally encircling his head.
“What else do you want me to tell you? She has the entirety of my stupid heart -- He felt himself twitch out another dribble of precome, quickly sucked up.
all right? I can’t hurt her -- I’d sooner rip out my own soul--” He strained against the cuffs. He had wanted to take it slow -- he had wanted to
Still the stare continued. draw it out. But now her tongue drew warm circles around his head as she moved
“I love her.” up and down, and took him as deep as she could. Her hands made up for the rest.
That’s what it had wanted to hear. He had wanted to take it slow. “Fuck -- I’m there -- unless you--”
The cat wound its way towards him on the bed. Draco slid a protective hand in She backed off. He had a moment of what was equal parts torture and respite.
front of his crotch, in case it got any ideas. The cat observed the movement. Its She looked up at him, wet lipped, next to his glistening head. She waited.
glance towards Draco told him that, if it were to carry out its revenge, it would go Well. He’d wanted to be undone. “Fuck it,” he breathed. “Finish me.”
for his eyes, first, anyway. Then nipples. It had sharpened its claws for the purpose. Her mouth was on him again. He was enveloped in heat, simultaneously soft
But, for now, that was unnecessary. They could be friends. It butted its head at and firm. He felt the light scrape of teeth. The build-up was fast and the release was
his chest and curled its tail under his chin. Draco spat out a single cat hair, coming. He was panting.
presumably placed upon his tongue to ensure that he knew his place. His hips bucked. Her hands squeezed. Her tongue swept a tight circle at his very
Granger awoke to find Draco scratching her cat’s ears. “Oh,” she said. tip. She sucked harder. He came with indistinct swearing, in long spurts against
“He’s approved of me,” said Draco, “with a few provisos.” tongue and teeth and tightness.
“Provisos?” He felt the press of her swallow against the underside of his head and twitched
“They’re between him and me. Can’t disclose them.” out a final spurt, straining at the chains.
“All right.” Granger was smiling widely. “You know, I did have it on good He went slack against the cuffs. He did not move for two minutes, afterwards,
authority that you’re a good man, under all the dickheadery, but now...” feeling as though his life force had just been drained out of his balls.
“It’s irrefutable, is it?” He was undone. Very undone. She really was launching SPERM.
“Yes. Theo’s findings have been peer reviewed, as it were.”

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 Granger clambered up the bed, pressed a kiss to his lips -- he tasted salt, himself, He kissed the top of her head. He couldn’t remember having kissed the top of
whipped cream, her -- and freed him from the cuffs. anyone’s head in his life, but there it was.
“You are a good boy,” said Granger. Granger appeared to be thinking things along the same lines. She spoke into his
“Too late.” chest in a smiling mumble. “This is absurd. You’re Draco Malfoy.”
She was a mix of concerned and amused. “Are you all right? You seem -- dazed.” “Have we both gone mad?”
His cock, still hard from overstimulation and ridiculous levels of arousal, “I think so. A little.”
dripped against his stomach. “You’ve just reminded me that I wanted to make you say my name.”
“Ghlph,” was all he managed as he fell back onto pillows. “We have time to correct the lapse.”
Granger bustled about with water for him and cast a few cleaning spells on the Yes. There would be time.
sheets. Thank the gods, because Draco was making a list. He wanted to do it on a
“Tsk,” she said, inspecting the vat of whipped cream. “We’ve hardly made a dent broom. He wanted a spot of professorial role play. He would have her in the library.
in it.” Perhaps even the Hogwarts library, if they could bluff their way back in. On the
“Donate -- orphans,” said Draco, reduced to linguistic fragments. dining table. In his cubicle at work. Definitely in the lab. At the Seneca, yes, of
Granger came to stand beside the bed, still in the oversized dressing gown. She course. And he was going to have her on that window ledge, and every bloody
twinned her hands before her and tilted her head to the side, contemplating him. window ledge in this house. And he was going to spaff on her tits. And definitely
Draco, his gooey brain loosely held together by hormones and one or two work out that auto-asphyxiation device of hers.
remaining neurons, sighed out, “What?” There would be time.
“I’m pleased.” There would be a lifetime, perhaps, or was that too mad to think about? He
“Oh?” thought about it anyway.
“I had a feeling, after Spain, that we’d be quite compatible -- but one can’t be
certain until one has conducted a few -- er -- trial runs, you know.”
“Quite compatible,” repeated Draco. It had been, all told, a winning start to the day. They settled into one another’s arms
“Don’t you think?” and fell into a nap.
“Have you seen me?” Judging by the angle of the sun, it was only about ten o’clock in the morning
Granger grinned. when Draco awoke. He took an unusual, groggy delight in feeling warm and sticky,
“I’d expound upon my findings,” said Draco, “but -- you’ve just pumped all of because it was Granger who he felt warm and sticky with.
my cognition out of my balls.” Her robe had opened and exposed a thigh that looked delicious. He pushed
He reached a languid hand towards her. She approached. He slipped it between himself up and kissed it. Granger, far away in some distant, peaceful dream, slept
the dressing gown’s folds and ran it up her side. on.
“You’re bloody -- incredibly -- I can’t even string words together at the moment, Draco had been about to lie back down when he realised that he was being
but--” She laid herself onto the bed with him and put her head on his shoulder. watched. Granger’s cat was at the foot of his bed, staring at him.
An ordinary sort of gesture, all told -- only it was Granger, putting her head on “How the bloody hell do you keep getting in here?” whispered Draco. “I’ve got
his shoulder. His pulse picked up again, not in arousal, but out of a swell of joy. wards up.” The cat’s blink told him that this was no concern of his.
“Right -- well -- erm -- as you can see, things have -- progressed--” said Draco,
attempting to cover Granger’s thigh with her robe.

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