Sunshi

neandShadows

Pr
ologue

Att i
meswhent hev oicesi nmyheadgett oomuch, Il
iketowal k
downt hewi ndingpat hfrom Swinton,pasttheel aborately
designedgar denori sithedgear r
angement ?I’
m notsur ebutt he
wor dsUni versi
tyofZi mbabwear eneatlytri
mmedandev ergreen,
ev enwhent hecount ryisgoingthroughadr oughtandt here’sno
wat eri
nt hehost el
s,thatpartoftheuni v
ersitygroundsnev er
changes.I t’sli
keourwel comematIguess.Att i
mes, Iwal kalone
from theLawf acul t
ywi t
hmybagsl ungacr ossoneshoul derand
threadt hrought hediffer
entgroupdi scussionsatt heGr eens.I
wal kbrisklypastt heGeol ogyfacul
tyonmywayt othespor tsfiel
d.
Iof t
enzoneoutev eryone, t
hemusi cblasti
ngi nmyear smakesi t
easyandt heybecomebl urbsi
nt heshimmer i
ngsunl i
ght .

There’
sacertai
nst i
ll
nessthatyougetherear oundtheaf t
ernoon
whenmostst udentsareeit
herinclassesorit’
sjusttoohott obe
walki
ngaround.Iprefert
histimewhent hesunshineisdanci ng
boldl
y,maybebecauseIam j ustasboldastheunr el
entingraysof
thesun,mostday sanyway.Thet r
uthisIhatesunsets,withthei
r
romanti
cpoignancy,that
’swhent hecouplestakenauseat i
ngly
slowstr
oll
sgiggli
ngatutternonsense.Butmost lyIhatesunsets
becausethat
’swhent heshadowscr eepinandt henightli
fe
announcesit
’spresence.
Myf ri
endswi l
l tel
lyouIl ivefort henight l
if
e,theexclusiveparti
es
withtherichandt heel ite.They ’
lltel
lyouI ’
mt hel i
feofev erypart
y
andIalway sdresst ot heni nes.Li kethesunshi ne,Ichoosewher e
todancebol dlybutt herear epar tsofmeIkeepconceal ed.Ishine
tokeepmycor eawayf rom ther estoft hewor l
d.Nooneev er
reall
ystarestheSuni nt heey e,itsbeamsar eblindi
ng.TheSun
couldbeabal l offi
reoramassoft wistedshadows, whor eall
y
takesthet i
met olookbey ondi t
sdanci ngr ays?Ili
kewal kingin
thesunshinebecausef orashor tperi
odoft i
me, Idon’thav eto
actacer t
ainwayort alkacer tai
nway ,IjustgettobeVi mbai .

Ther
e’snot
hingy
oucanhi
def
rom t
hegl
ari
ngsun.

.
..
..
.

Goodmorningfamil
y,we'l
lbest
arti
ngonournewst
oryonthe3r
d
ofAugust
.IknowI'vebeenawayforal
ongassti
mesopleasedo
menti
onyourfri
ends.

Post
ingschedul
e

MondaysandWednesday
s,BonusonFr
iday
swhi
chy
ouwi
l
lhav
e
t
ounlock.
Gr
oundr
ules

1)Thestoryweareget
tingi
ntoi
shighlyexpli
cit
,pl
easedon'
tread
i
tifyouareunder18oraver
setoexpl
icitcont
ent.Pl
easedon'
t
repor
ttheinser
ts.

2)Don'
tcreat
epdf
sofmywor kanddi
str
ibut
eorresel
l
,don'
task
meforpdfsofmywork.Iwr
oteher
eonFacebookforfr
eesothat
wecanreadandengageaswell
asmarketmyotherwork.

3)Engagement
,shar
ingandl
i
kingar
ever
yimpor
tanti
nunl
ocki
ng
Bonuses.

4)I
fyoudon'
tunder
standany
thi
ngdof
eel
freet
oask

5)Enj
oyandbeki
ndt
oot
her
sint
hecommentsect
ion.

Ir
eall
yhopewecangothr
oughthi
sstorywi
thouthi
ccupsandI'
ll
besuret
ocommunicat
ewithy
oushouldanythi
nghappen.I
pr
omisetobr
ingmybesti
ntot
hisstor
yandIhopeyoudot oo.

Lov
eandLi
ght

Busi
seki
l
eKhumal
o
Sunshi
neandShadows

One

“
Vimbai
,youhavebeenpai
nti
ngy
ourfacef
ort
hepasthour
,”Nosi
whi
neschecki
ngtheti
meonherphone.

Ifi
ghttheurgetorollmyeyes,t
hatwouldrui
nmymascar aandI ’
d
havetostar
tafresh.See,I
’
m aconsider
atefr
iend.Af
tert
hree
yearst
ogether,
Nosihleshouldknowmebet t
erbynow.Perfect
ing
theworkofartthatismyfacetakesti
me,youcan’tr
ushart
perf
ecti
on.

Besi
des,
whogoest oapar t
yat9p. m.?Bythet i
mether eal
fun
st
art
sataroundmidnight
,youarealreadyti
red,sweatyandyour
makeuplooksl
ikeanaccidentscene.Bei
ngcol l
egestudent
s
meanswecan’taff
ordtheexpensive,water
-proofbr
andof
makeup.

“RelaxNosi
,I
’m al
mostdone.Qui
tpaci
ng,
youar
emaki
ngme
dizzy.
”

Myey
esl
ooksmokyenought
obesexy
,justt
woshadesbeneat
h
sl
uttyandthreeshadesbehindgothic.ThoseYou-Tubetutori
als
wor kl
ikemagic,
Iini
ti
all
ywentwi ththeblendedfai
rydustlook
aroundmyey esbutthenIfelti
twast ootacky.Thi
slookmakes
mel ookabitmoremat ur
eandcl assy,perf
ectfort
hepartywear e
goingto.

“
Jacobhasbeent
ext
ing,
he’
sget
ti
ngi
mpat
ient
.”

AsifIgivearat
’sasswhatt hatsti
ngymanofher sthinks.Ihave
beentell
i
ngNosi hl
etodrophimf ormont hsnow.Howdoy ou
dateamar r
iedman, whodoesn’tmakesur eyourhairandnails
arealwaysonfleek?Heonlypay sfort
hehotelshetakesher
wheneverhewant stooff
loadsomeofhi ssperms.Awast eof
si
nningItel
lyou,I’
drat
hergot ohellaf
terhavi
ngliv
edal avishli
fe
ofsin.

Nosihl
esaysshel ov
eshim andhe’snotli
keal
ltheothercheat
ing
husbandsouttherebecausehehasneverfel
ttheneedtocheat
onhiswifebefor
ehemether .I
’vetr
iedtomakeherseet heli
ght
butbecauseshe’s“i
nlove”I
’mjeal
ousandaslutsowhat evs,
she’
stheclownandunf ort
unat
ely,
Iam aloyalf
riend.

“It
oldhi
mt ocome,i
fyouarenotreadyt
ogobythet
imeheget
s
hereweareleav
ingyoubehi
nd!”Shesay
sst
ernl
ywhi
let
ryi
ngto
easethegelonherf
rayededges.
Noamountofhai rgelcanr evi
veherhai r
sty
le,
she’shadt his
str
aightupforamont hnow.Amont h!Andshe’ sheretel
li
ngme
aboutJacobandhissecond- handFor dRanger.Bythetimet he
si
lverFordRangerpull
supatt heSwi ntoncarpark,Iam also
waiti
ngbesidesNosihl
e.Theguyi sacheapdi ckbutIcan’ taff
ord
acabt oBorrowdal
eBr ooks.

Myf at
herisonl ysendi
ngmypocketmoneynextweekandev en
thenIst i
llwouldn’tbeabletoaffor
dacabf aretoBor r
owdale
Brooks.SoIpast emybi ggestsmil
eandgreatJacobas“ Bamkur u,
”( Brother-
in-
law)andbeart hroughhimreminisci
ngabouthi s
collegeday sbackwhenGr aham Hil
lwassti
lltheVice-Chancell
or
aswej oinBorrowdaleroad.

“
Howisschool?Ihopey
ougi
rl
sar
est
udy
ingandnotwast
ing
y
ourschool
fees.
”

Jacobactsasi fhepaysforourschool feels,hedoesn’tev enbuy

usgroceri
esf r
om ti
met oti
me.That ’
sj usthowst ingyhei s.I’
m
savedfr
om answer i
ngbyNosi tell
inghim aboutherassi gnment s
andhowsheneedssomet ext
books.I fthatisn’
ttheuni versal
codeforpleasegivememoney , Idon’tknowwhati s.Jacobt ell
s
hertocheckforthebooksinthemai nlibr
aryandIwantt ol augh
sobad,Nosihleissul
ki
ngnow.
Thismanl ovesthesoundofhi sownv oi
ce,Nosihl
ekeeps
giggli
ngasifhisdry,tastel
essandov erl
ysexistj
okesarefunny,I
checkmyphonel eastIsaysomethingt hatImightl
aterr
egret.
Justacoupleofv aguet ext
sf r
om afewhopef ulswhothinkthei
r
textbookEngli
shcandoany thi
ngtome.

Coll
egest udentsar ethemostconceited,brokepeopl eyoucan
evercomeacr oss.Theywantt o“hang”,sel
lmedr eams, takeme
outtobuyi cecream atTheBr idgeSPARt henpr oceedtochow
myv aginainthenar rowsinglebedsofNC3, wi
ththeirsqueaky
bases,usingthosecheapPr otect
orPluscondoms.Mi ssmewi th
thatstr
ugglelov e.Jacobprobablyal
sohadagi rlwhohungont o
hiseverywor dbackwhenhewasanEngi neeri
ngst udentbuthere
wear etoday.

Thereisahi ghchancethatIwill
joi
nthel onglistofunemployed
graduatesnextyearandIcannotcouplet hatdepressionwit
h
havinganunempl oyed,educat
edboy f
ri
endt oo.Nothankyou.I
needanol derri
ch,generousmanwhoi sal readymar r
ied,
they
knowhowt otreatapieceofartli
kemy self.Youdonothanga
Picassopieceinabackr oom,youhangi tinamansi on.

Thati
swhyt odayi
sver
yimport
ant
,Iam goi
ngblesserhunt
ing.
Husbandsbecomebori
ngaft
erawhil
e,Ij
ustwantsomeonewho
cangetmet
hrought
hedoorandI
’
llhust
lef
rom t
her
e.

“Thisi
swhereMugabeusedt
ostay,
”Jacobsoundsli
keatour
guideandhi
sgir
lf
ri
endseemssui
tabl
yimpressedwhi
leIr
ollmy
eyes.

Whodoesn’ tknowtheblueroofmansion?NotonlydoIknowit
butI’
veactuall
ybeeninsi
dethoseimposinggatesbef
ore,i
nsi
de
thosewhitewallst
oppedbyaChi nese-
styl
erooft
opcladi
n
midnightbl
uet i
l
esfrom Shanghai
.Itel
lyounoli
es.

HowdidIgeti
nthere?Youar
er i
ghttothi
nkt
hefor
tressi
sbarred
fr
om mereci
vi
li
anslikemebutIhavegrownt
oreal
ize,t
herei
sno
pl
acethatmyvagi
nacannottakemet o.

Iusedt odatethisguycal
ledTaf ara.Taf
arawentt othe
prestigi
ousKutamaHi ghSchool withhisExcell
encyChat unga
Bellarmine,t
heyweresoli
dbuds.Ashi sgirl
,heinvi
tedmet ohis
housepar tyathishomeinthecl assyRidgemont ,
backhomei n
Gwer u.Imanagedt ogetasicknot efrom Sist
erMunot engwaand
hi
ght ail
edfrom Regi
naMundi tot ownont heschool bus,i
nstead
ofheadi ngtoMkoba,Tafarapickedmeupandwewentt ohis
place.
Iwouldhav egivenanythingnottohav etostayinov er-
popul
ated
Mkobaandj ustmoveintot heexpansiveandlushfieldsin
Ridgemont!Theshoppi ngcentertherewassmal lbutt odiefor
unli
kethelargeshoppingar einMkoba6t hatwasf orever
crowded.All l
ocal
sconv ergedther
e.Itwasourv ersionofa" mall
".
Thesweat yarmpitsandcr ashi
ngbodi esmademewantt ogag
eacht i
meIwassentt her etorunerrands.Ifi
tt
edmor eeasil
yin
Tafara'
sli
festylet
hanIdi dinMkoba.

Therewereagr oupofhisf
ri
endsfrom hi
sformerschool,
hewas
showingoffhisgir
lf
ri
endwhowasdoi ngher“A’Level
”at‘
Mundi
,I
wasinformt wobackthen.Theywereloud,
boister
ousandkept
comparingthei
rgadgetsandcars.

Iwasbor edbutalsofascinat
edbythewealtht
hatlooselydri
pped
offrom theverypor
esoft hei
rski
n.ThesewereGod'sfav our
it
e
chil
drenbornwi t
hgoldenspoonsint hei
rmout
hs,Ibettheynever
hadt oeatporri
dgewithsugarandsal tl
i
ket
herestofusnot
sucklefrom t
heirmothers'br
east
,theyhadfor
mulaandNest lé
products.

Chatungacamebyalitt
lelaterwithanent ourageandsecur it
yas
i
fhehi mselfwast
hepresident.Thet oneoftheboy st her
e
changed,theywer
esuckingupt ohi mlikeli
tt
lebitches.Allof
them weretryi
ngt
oohardt oimpresshi m andshowt hem j
ust
howcool andhowdeeptheirfamilies’pocketsran.
I
twaspat heti
ct owat chthem.Iwon’tli
eandtr
ytodescri
behim
becauseIdidn’ti
nteractwithhim atal
l
,butwhenev
erItel
lNosihl
e
thi
sstory
,hewasf unnywi thjustt
heri
ghtamountofar
roganceto
beexpectedfrom spoi l
tbrats.

Itwasatt hatpartythatIvowedtolivearichl
ife,
Iowei tt
omy
chil
drensot hattheycant wangwhent heyarespeakingEngl i
sh.
ReginaMundi wasn’tbad,i
twasalsoami ssi
onaryprivateschool
ofsortsbutitcameoutasoneoft hepoorcousinsoft hel i
kesof
Kutama.Besi des,theonlyreasonImanagedt ogot hereint he
fir
stplacewasbecauseIgotabur saryfrom theGwer uDi ocese.

There’
snothi
ngaspai nfulasbeingamongr ichkidswhiley ouar
e
notri
chyourself.Theytalkofthingsyou'venev erexper
iencedand
youhavetolieandpr ayt hatnooneknowsy oucomef rom Mkoba
3.EvenatTafara’sparty,Ifel
toutofplace, i
fitwasn’tf
ort he
fancycl
otheshet ookf r
om hissister
’swar drobethatstil
lhad
pri
cetagsont hem, Iwoul dhavestuckoutl i
keasor ethumb.

Theywerespeaki ngoff orei

gnpl
acestome, hol
i
daysinthe
Maldi
ves,arrangingforat ri
ptoI
ndonesi
a,TheHarar
eGol fcl
ub
andthegi
r l
swer espeakingofBal
iandPari
s.Iwasquiet
,
spongi
ngev erythingup.

Idon’
tknowwhocameupwi
tht
hei
deabutweendedupdr
ag
racingfr
om Gwerutot heBl ueroofmansi on.Ialmostvomited
alongthewaybutTaf arapr omisedt oleavemebyt hesideofthe
roadshouldIspoilt
hel eatheri
nteriorofhissportscar,
soIheldit
i
nandpr ayedhard.Imi ghthavepr omisedt oneverli
eagainbut
wegott her
esafelyandIwasbusygawki ngattheint
eri
orofthe
placetorememberanypr omisesImadet oGod.

Itfel
tli
keIhadmov edtoawhol eot hercount r
y,actual
diamond
chandeli
ers!Iwantedtot akepi
cturesIwant edtolosemy selfi
n
theinter
iordesi
gnbutIcoul dn’
tbecauset heguy sdeci
dedt ohave
apool part
yaftermidnightandthechef sbr oughtusallsortsof
meat ,
somegr il
ledandsomebr aaied.Ididn’tcaremuchf orthe
prawnsbutIhadt of i
tinsoIatet hem withasmi l
e.

Idon’
tevenknowwher eIgottheswi
msuitIwaswearingt
henbut
wheneverIshowoffpict
ureswetookthatni
ghtIbl
endedwel
l
wit
htherestoftheri
chkids.

Thereisapar t
icul
arpict
urewhereIwasstandinginbetween
ChatungaandTaf ara,
Idon’tknowhowithappenedbutChat unga
hadhisarm aroundmeandIwasnest l
edclosetohi m whil
e
Tafaral
ookedwast edandhewaski ssi
ngthegi r
lnexttohim.
Whenev erIshowof ft
hatpict
ure,
inmyv er
sionofthest ory,
Iwas
dati
ngChat ungaandhe’stheonewhobr okemyv i
rgi
nit
y .
Idrovehim socr azyt
hathi
smot herhadtocomet omeandask
met olethersongot ocoll
egebecausehewant edtoditch
overseascollegeandcomel earnatMSUj usttobeclosertome.I
tel
lthisstor
yal otandI’
verefi
nedi tovert
heyears,
it’
sli
kemyone
coolpartytr
ick.

“
Wearehere,
”Jacob'
sannouncementbr
ingsmeoutofmy
memor
ies.Her
eitcomes.

“RememberVi
mbai youar
eher
ewi
thmeandmybabyNosi
,don’
t
gowanderi
ngaroundand

don’
tjustacceptdr
inksf
rom any
one.WhenIsaywear
eleav
ing,
weleave.Ok?”

“
Yes,
Bamkur
u.”

ThisonethinksIam partofhisharem ofador

ingwomen.He
shouldknowt hatbarel
ymi ddl
eclassmarri
edmenar enotmy
typeatall
.Iam onami ssionandwi l
lnotl
etNosihl
eorhersti
ngy
Jacobdetractmef rom mymi ssi
on.Thehouselookscomfort
abl
e
enoughtoaccommodat ethebigfishIai
mt ohauli
ntoni
ght.Her
e
goesnothing.
……

Goodmor ni
ngf amil
y,t
hankyoufortuni
nginyesterday
.Vi
mbai
's
j
ourneyhasof f
ici
all
yst
art
ed!Buckl
eup, i
t'
sgoingtobeabumpy
r
ide.Don'
tforgettomenti
onyourfri
endsandshar easmuchas
youcan.

Seey
ouonWednesday
.

Lov
eandLi
ght

Busi
seki
l
eKhumal
o
Sunshi
neandShadows

Two

Thishousei sn’
tasgi ganti
casThebl ueroofmansionbuty oucan
cram uptoaboutf ivehousest hesizeofmyhomei nt hisyar
d
alone.Jacobhashi schestpuffedoutasheexplai
nst hatthi
sis
hisfri
end'shouse, Izonehim outwhenhest ar
tstel
li
ngushow
theybecamef r
iends.Jacobhasanannoy i
ngwayofmaki ng
everyt
hingabouthi m.Thebr i
ghtl
yli
twalkwayiswelcomi ngbut
thegravelisn’
tv er
ykindonmyheel s,t
hosetoastmistress
l
essonsi nhighschool ar
efinall
ypayi
ngoff.

“Whatisthepar
tyf
or,
Bamkur
u?”IaskwhenJacobi
scat
chi
nghi
s
breat
hfrom br
aggi
ng.

“Myf
ri
endhasbeeninaf
unkev
ersi
ncel
osi
nghi
swi
fe,
heneeds
somecheer
ingup.
”

Mustbeni ce,inacountryfaci
ngeconomi calrecessionafter
recessiontot hrowapar t
yjustbecauseonei sfeeli
ngbl ue.Ishut
downt heset houghtsbeforetheytakeroot,I
’m heretofindmy
catchthatwi l
l securemylivel
i
hood,notstartarevoluti
on.What
betterplacetogof i
shi
ngifnotamongt hebiggestshar ksinthe
country.
Thoughyoucan’treall
ytel
l t
heyar esharkswhent heyshoutli
ke
smallboy
satoutar ri
val,
li
fti
ngt hei
rdrinksi nsalut
eofJacob.
From t
henumberofempt iesont hetables,it’
sobviousthepart
y
hasbeengoingonf orawhi l
enow.Nosi andhercommunal man
cannotdi
tchmef astenough, Idon’tmindt houghbeingwiththem
wouldhaveonlylessenedmychancesoff indingwhatI’
ml ooki
ng
for.

IspottheMinisterofHomel andSecur i
tywi t
hhisbigbel
ly
vibr
ati
ngashedoesadancet hatwaspr obablypopul
arduri
ngt he
l
iberat
ionstruggle.Thewayheki ckshisf eetandfl
apshisarms
hasacer t
ainChimur engaf l
airtoit
.Thegi rl,
whoseasshei s
squashingagainsthisvibrat
ingbel l
y,i
sy oungenought obehis
granddaughterbutshe’slegal asareallthegirl
sinhereoratleast
theyarefaki
ngbei ngeighteenandov er.

Isipmycocktai
landtrynott olooktooobv i
ousasIgawkatone
ofthefl
ybynightprophetswhohashi stongueburi
edinthe
mouthofawomanwhoi sclearlynothiswifeandhishandsar
e
l
ostbetweenherexposedcr eamyt hi
ghs.Ifhe’spar
tofthehol
y
team wearecounti
ngont opr ayfortherestor
ati
onofthi
scountr
y,
i
t’snowonderthatGodi stakinghissweettimerespondi
ng.

Ther
ear
eal
lsor
tsofbi
gfi
shi
nthi
spondbutmay
beIshoul
dn’
t
havetakensolonggett
ingready
,mostofthem seem occupi
ed
al
ready,IguessI
’l
lj
usthavetobepat
ient
.

“
Babav
aidabachi

Shet
iyeVer
sace

Vai
dahwai

Mombenemahachi

Vat
iti
raki
ta

Zv
esenamakani
ka

Vat
ichi
ngor
ipazanar
emombedzi
not
sika

Tai
samut
engower
usambo

Tai
sachi
sungot
ochi
tangi
samut
ambo…”

JahPr ay
zah'
sv oi
ceblast
sf r
om t
hespeaker sandIwat chitmove
bodiesunti
lthemakeshif
tdancefloori
sleftawr i
thi
ngmessof
tangledl
imbs.Whent hesongreachesit
’speeki ngIshudderas
themengr abtheyoungfemales’bodypart
st opor tr
aythei
r
“sadzanemur i
wo.
”(st
aplefoodusedinsexual connotat
ion)

I
t’
sgrotesqueandtacky
,Iwouldn’
tbecaughtdeadanywhere
danci
ngandbeinggropedliket
hatforever
y onet
osee.PoorNosi
,
Jacoblooksl
ikehe’
shalfwaytoorgasm.Itapmyglasswit
hmy
fr
eshnail
sandl
ookar
oundt
hebarar
ea,
mybi
gfi
shhast
obe
heresomewher
e.

Myey el i
ngersonamanwi thhiscarkey snextt ohisglassof
Brandy .ABMW i sn’
thalfbadbutt hefactthathe’sclearl
y
showi ngitoffmeanshe’ snott hatri
ch.Thanky ou,next
!I’
m
beginningtolosehope, all
t hesemeni fnott aken,seem tobe
somev ersi
onofJacobandI ’
drathersettl
eforst ruggl
elovet
han
subjectmy selft
oanyv ersionofJacob.Letmegot othe
bathroom andgat hermybear i
ngs.

“What
’sal
ovel
yladyl
ikeyoudoi
ngsi
tt
ingal
one?”ther
ich
bar
it
oneandmuskycolognemakemesmilewidel
ybefor
eIt
urn
towei
ghmyprospect
ivefi
sh.

Mysmi lealmostslidesoffmyf aceunti

lIr
emembert oschoolmy
facialexpressiontoremainrootedinasmile.Iwantabigfi
shbut
notaguywhoact uall
ylookslikeafish,
God!Thisguy’
sscalyski
n
andhangi nglowerli
p,whichlookslikei
twasstungbyaj el
l
yfi
sh,
i
snotsomeoneIcanseemy selfwakingupnextto.Iwantari
ch
manwhocanf ul
fi
lmydr eams, notonewhoisgoingtogiveme
nightmar es!

Sti
ll
,Ipol
i
tel
ylaughathi
sdryj
okeandcaresshi
sar
m andtel
lhi
m
fl
i
rti
nglyt
hatI
’m wai
ti
ngforast
udli
kehim.Themaleegoeit
her
makesthem st
upi
dordelusi
onal
,hi
schestswel
lsl
ikeapuff
erf
ish
andIj
ustwanttodi
e.Doeshereall
yseehi
mselfasastud?

Someonecal l
shim andIgrabthatopportuni
tytoescapet ot
he
toil
et.Ihaven’
tbeendancingsomymakeupi ssti
l
ldecent,butI
stil
lwipeoffmylipsti
ckandapplyafresh.Iaddabi tofthe
fragranceIhaveinmybag, it
’sal
mostf i
nished.Ir
eallyneedto
fi
ndmy sel
fanewf inanceminist
erandfast.

ThelastoneIhadcaughtf eeli
ngsandwast al
kingaboutdivor
cing
hiswifeforme.Nigga, pl
ease!DoIl ookli
keIwantt olosemy
i
dentityi
nt hegi
ldedcaget hatisthemar r
iageinsti
tut
ion?
Mar r
iageisnewagesl avery,ai
n’tnobodygottimef orthat
.Ineed
tolayoffwatchi
ngt hoseVi nevideos,I
’
m start
ingtosoundl i
kea
wannabeAmer i
caninmyt houghts.

I
nsteadofgoi ngbackout sidet
ot hesweat ygroping
masquer adingasdanci ng,Idecidetoexplorethehouseabi t
.
Whenev erIgett oabeaut i
fulhome, Ial
way simagi nehowIwoul d
havedecor atedit.I
nlif
etheyar etwoki ndsofwomen, t
hebuil
d
from scr
atchandr enovatetotheirt
astewomen, If al
li
nt hel
att
er
group.Idon’thav ethepatiencetobuildfrom scratchbutIcan
tast
efull
yrev ampanypl aceoranyman.

Fori
nst
ance,
Iwoul
dnev
erhav
echosent
hisugl
yassor
anger
ug!
It
’sugl
y!Eart
hcoloursaresounder
stat
edbutsoper
fectwit
hjust
apopofcolour.If
indmy sel
fatt
hebarandmynextmistakeis
si
tti
ngaloneatthebar.

Hisshouldersf
ir
mlyfil
louttheblazerhe'sweari
ng,hi
supright
posturehint
satanunderly
ingcontrolthati
ssexy.Notthose
sloucheswhosithunchedov er
.TheRol exYachtonhishandis
realandworthj
ustoverUS$35000, it
’smybusinesstoknow
thesekindsoft
hings.

Hehasasi mplegoldbandonhisri
ngfinger,check.Hissui
tis
fi
ttedandlookscustom made,double-
check.Nosi gnofanycar
keysnexttohim, cl
assyandmature.From t
hisangle,Icansee
thateveryt
hingabouthimiswell
-gr
oomedf rom hisfreshhai
rcut
tohisfinel
ypepperedbeard.Hel
l
oDzaddy ,grrr
r.

Imakesur emyshoesannouncemypr esenceandIswaymyhi ps

forgoodmeasur e.Hedoesn’tlookupf r
om hi sdri
nkbutI’m not
deterr
ed,Il
ikealitt
lechaseeverynowandt hen.Istandnextto
him butnottooclosetobetooobv ious,Il
iketochasenott hrow
my sel
fatmen.Si ncehehasn’tacknowledgedmypr esence,I
clearmythroatandswi t
chont omyi nnocentpersona.

“Umm hi
,I
’m sorr
ytodi
stur
byoubutwherecanIgetsomej
uice?
Theyar
eservingonl
yal
coholout
sideandIdon’
tdr
ink.
”
Asif!Idr
inkl
i
kealit
tl
efishbuthedoesn’
tneedt
oknowt
hat
,he
doesn’tt
urnt
oacknowledgeme.

“Thepart
yisoutside.
”Headdressesmewi thoutt
urni
ngtocatch
aglimpseofthear tt
hati
sme.Hisloss!Hehassuchadeep
bari
tonethoughletmejustt
ryonemor eti
memay behe’
l
lfaceme.
Thereissomethi
ngcommandi ngandat t
racti
veabouthi
sdark
aura.

“Iknow,
I’
m comingfr
om out
side.I
’
vecheckedandwastoldt
o
comeandlookindoor
sbutIhaven’
tfoundtheki
tchenor
anywher
eIcangetthejui
ce.
”

Hef i
nal
lyturnstol
ookatme, buthelooksannoy ed.No,he’
s
pissedoffandthelooki
nhisfaceisinti
mi dati
ng.Iputonmy
mostbegui l
i
ngsmi l
eandflapmyl onglashesinnocentl
y.I
’v
ebeen
toldmysmi l
emel t
seventhecoldestofhear t
s.

“
DoIl
ookli
keabl
oodywai
tert
oyou?Gobackout
sideandl
eav
e
meal
one.
”

Apparent
ly,mysmil
edidnot
hingtohi
m.ForamomentIam stung
byhissharpwordsbutt
henIsquaremyshoul
der
sanddropthe
i
nnocentact.There’
sstil
lmor
efishintheocean.Iwi
l
ldiebefor
eI
l
etthi
sthuginasui tt
hinkhecantreatmeli
kesomet r
ampt hat
hespentthenightwit
hatanightclub.

“Justbecausey ouwalkar
oundwitht
hepri
ceofahouseonyour
wristdoesn’tmeanyougettobeshit
tyt
opeopl
e.Ionl
ywantthe
j
uiceandnot hi
ngmore.St
opacti
ngli
keyouhaveasti
ckupyour
ass,youprick.”

Theshockonhi sfaceisgrati
fyi
ngbutIquickl
ygrabhisgl
assand
gulpitdownf orgoodmeasur e.DearLord,
itburnsli
ke
mot her
fucki
ngher pes!Iscrewmyey esshutandwhenIopen
them Isti
llf
indhim gappingatmeasi fheisseeingaghost.
Peoplewithsmal ldi
ckenergyareexhausti
ng!

“
Excuseme?
”

DearLord,di
dIjustthi
nkt hatoutloud?Iquicklyhi
ghtailoutofthe
room befor
emymout hcanbl ur
touthowgor geousIfindhim.It’
s
onlydownhil
lfr
om there,everyothermaleinthispart
ypal esin
comparisontothefi
sht hatchompedof fthehook.

Thatonei
stooski
nnyandpal
e,Iguesst
heARVshaven’tki
cked
i
ny et
.Theot
herone’
swatchi
sasimpleRol
ex,
ptshhthankyou,
next
.Thi
sonedoesn’tcarr
yhimselfwitht
hegraceandpowert
hat
wasradi
ati
ngfrom t
hejerkbythebar.Toni
ghthasbeenawast
e
ofmynewf av
ouri
tedressandJimmyChoos.

I’
mf edupwhi leNosi andhersorryexcuseofamanar ebusydry-
humpi ngnexttot hepool.Jacoblookslikehe’sabouttohav ea
seizure,I’
m alarmedunt i
lhiseyesr ol
ltothebackofhi sheadthen
her elaxesandl eansagainstNosi.Eeuw, hi
scum facei ssogross
butitwi ll
worki nmyf avourthathe’sinamel l
owmoodwhenIt el
l
them Iwantt ogohome.I ’
mr i
ght,hedoesn’tprot
est,he’sgott
en
whathewant edt onight.

Nosi t
hrowsdaggersatmet hewholeri
debacktoSwinton.The
onlyhappyoneisJacob,heplaysmusicanddrumshisfinger
son
thesteeri
ngwheel.Idon’
tevenadmirethet
winkl
ingl
ightsof
Borrowdaleatni
ght,I
’mtooengrossedinmythought
st oful
ly
appreciat
ehowbeaut i
ful
theyar
e.Ineedtofi
ndacashcowandI
needtof i
ndonebeforeIfi
nishmydegree.

.
..
..
..
..
..

Thisstor
yisdedicat
edt omyf amil
yandfri
endsbackhome, y
our
str
ugglesaremine,yourtearsI'
veal
socri
edatsomepoi nt
.We
havesuffer
edattheexpenseofot her
s'gr
eedandy etwekeep
hopingandprayi
ngforabr ight
erday.
Tounlockthebonusf
orFri
day
,al
lwehavet
odoi
sment
ionour
fr
iendsandhave300shar
esonthi
spost
.

Lov
eandLi
ght

Busi
seki
l
eKhumal
o
Sunshi
neandShadows

Thr
ee

( SLN)expl
i
citcont
entwar
ning

Iclosemyey esandhismoody ,hoodedeyesimmediatel

ycomet o
mind,onl
yt histi
met heyarefi
redupwi thdesi
re.I
t’
snothardto
i
magi nehisrippl
ingmusclesashel if
tsmeandhol dsmeupso
thatmyv aginaiswideopen,gli
steni
ngwi t
hallmyladyjui
ces.I
knowIsai dhehassmal l
dickenergybutIimprovi
seandgivehim
Charli
eMac' scork,t
hickbutnottoothick,l
ongandcurved.

IplungeinTheSurf
erasIimaginehi m pl
ungi
ngint
omywar mt h.I
playaroundwit
hthespeedwhi l
emyt humbisal
soteasingmycl it
.
Ican’thel
pthemoanthatescapesmymout hwhent hepulsati
on
modeki cksi
n,Icr
ankupt othelastspeedandmyey esrollback.I
evenf or
getmymake-bel
ieveandf ocusonthesensati
ons
buil
dingupinsi
deofme.

Myor gasm r
ippl
esthrewme,curl
i
ngmyt oesandmaki ngmyass
shi
ver.Mymout hissl
ight
lyopenanddr
ool comesout.Ijusthad
averygoodmor ningworkout,
mywholebodyi sbuzzi
ng.I’
mt oo
l
azytoevenremovet
hesmilemaker
,Ijustwantt
olangui
shi
n
t
hiseuphor
icfeel
i
ngforal
i
ttl
ewhil
elonger.

“
Doy ouhavetouset
hatt
hingwhenI
’m ar
ound?”Nosi
'
sangry
v
oice,whi
chsomehowtur
nsshri
llwi
theachangrywor
d,br
eaks
i
ntomyafter
glow.

“
Youcanalwaysl
eavether
oom andgi
vemepri
vacy.
”Ir
emove
mybabyandputheri
nmytowel,Imi
ghtaswel
lgoandbat
h.

“
It
’smyr
oom t
ooy
ouknow!
”asi
fsheev
erl
etsmef
orgett
hat
.

Theonet hi
ngIhateaboutSwi ntoni sshari
ngar oom,especial
ly
wheny ourroommat eisi
nherf eeli
ngs.Nosihlehasbeenmad
eversi
nceJacobdr oppedusof flastnightwit
houtsomuchas
givi
ngheraf i
vebondnot eformaki nghim cum i
npublic.Iguess
I’
dbeangr ytoobutinsomet wistedwayshe’ smadatme!Cr azy.
Isavedherfrom anightofdrysexandbecomi ngsomeone’ s
sperm di
sh,sheshouldbethankingme.

Alt
houghwehav etoshare,t
heroomsher earebigandthefl
oors
aresti
l
linalmostimmacul at
econditi
onunli
ket het
il
esatNC4
whicharemost l
ymi ssi
ng.Besi
desthewallsthatsi
dearesothin
andtheadjacentroom occupantcanhearevenwheny oufar
t.Our
room i
sacornerroom, i
t’
sperfectbecausei
tcomeswi t
hami ni
kit
chenet
te,
whereI’m curr
entl
yboili
ngmybat hi
ngwater.Wealso
haveourownbathroom whichhasat ub.Ibat
hinitwhil
estandi
ng
andwithmyf l
opson,butit’
sstil
latub.

Igobacki ntomyr oom wit

hmyshor ttowel cl
i
ngingontomy
moi stthi
ghs, andIfi
ndNosi cl
earlyi
nabadmoodwhi l
eshe
stuffsherbooksi ntoherbag.Idropmyt owelandgrabholdofmy
moi sturi
singcream.Nosiclearsherthr
oattogr abmyattent
ion,
I
roll
myey esandcont i
nuewi t
hwhatI ’
m doing,i
gnori
ngher.

“Ithi
nkyouar eaddi
ctedtothatthi
ngandourjuniorPast
ortol
dus
thosethingsholdspi
rit
ualhusbandsinsi
det
hem.Youwi ll
struggl
et ofi
ndahusbandi fyoukeeponusi
ngt hat.
”

If
ir
stfi
nishmoist
urisi
ngmyheel
sbefor
eputt
ingonmyt
hongand
matchi
ngbrabeforeItur
nandaddr
essMrsJesus.

“I
t’
sav ibratorNosihle,notat hi
nghav ethedecencyt ocal
l my
spi
rit
ual husbandTheSur feratleastnot‘t
hatthing'
.Didyour
j
uniorpast oral
sot ellyoutogoar oundsleepingwi t
hmar r
iedmen?
Thelastt i
meIr eadt heBible,adult
erywasstill
oneoft heseven
deadlysins.Getofff rom t
hathi ghhorseNosihleandcomeback
toEarthliketherestofus. ”IhitanervebutIam t i
redofher
j
udgment alassasi fsheshi t
ssunflowers.
“Don’tcomparemyJacobt oy ourdemonicthi
ngs,atl
easthe
l
ovesmeandhe’ sdivorcinghiswifeassoonasIgivehim an
heir
.”Istopf
ixingmyl acebody sui
tandactual
lyst
areather,
she’
s
seri
ousIcant ell
from thestubbornsetofhermouth.

“Nosi areyoudownr i
ghtstupidort hi
smani susi ngmut itomake
youst upid?Jacobi sneverleav i
nghiswi feforyou, it
’sbeenov er
ay ear.Didwedot hesamesci ence?Youcan’ tgi vehim aboy
child,
hischr omosomesar etheonest hatdetermi nethegenderof
hischildren.Ireal
lyhopey ouar en’
thav i
ngr awsexwi ththatman,
hei sbarelysuppor t
ingyou!Whatmakesy out hinkthathewi ll
suppor tachildwhosemot herhei sn’teventakingcar eof ?
”Her
l
ipsqui verandf oramomentIf eelbadbutNosi needst ostop
l
ivingint hi
sdream wor l
dofl ov eandi nf
atuati
on.I t’
sacr uelworl
d
andsheneedst olookoutf orherself.

“Jacobdoessuppor
tme,he…”Icuti
nbecauseI
’
vehear
dthi
s
songami l
li
onti
mesbefor
e.

“Hetakesyoutohot el
stof ucky ouNosi, hebuy sy oupi zzaand
takesyoutofancyrestaurantsoutsidetownwher eyouwon’ t
bumpi nt
ohiswi f
eorany onet hatknowshi m andhi swi fe.All
thosethi
ngsyou’veshitalongt imeago.Whenhasheev ergiven
youmoneyt ojustspendony oursel
f,ony ourhai rorony ournail
s?
Whenhasheev ersetupany thingmeani ngfulfory oulikean
i
nternshi
porabankaccount ?Iwaswi t
hy oustrugglingt ofinda
fi
rm,westruggl
edtogetaccommodat ionlastyearandhedi dn’t
evenchi
pint opayyourrent.I’
m notj
udgingy ouNosi,Godknows
I’
vedonealotworsebutt hatmandoesn’ tl
ovey ou,he’
susingy ou
andyouaretoogull
ibl
etoseei t
.That
’sokt oo,onedayy ou’
llsee
i
t,butf
ortheloveofallt
hati sgooddonotbr ingachildi
ntot hi
s
mess.Achildyou’
ll
endupr esenti
ngwheny ouhav etogobackt o
Gwandawi t
houtadegreeorpr ospect
ivejob.”

Idi
dn’texpecthertobreakdownandcr yl i
kethis.I’
m cr
owding
herinahugandshe’ swai l
ingasifshej ustheardthathermot her
passedon.Shecr i
esunt i
lshehashi ccupsandIt rytosootheher
asbestasIcan.May beIwasabi tt
oohar shbutshemakesme
soangry.Nosihl
eisbeaut i
ful,scr
atcht hatsheisgor geous,a
melaningoddesswithdoeey esandcheekbonest hatwouldgive
Naomi Campbellarunf orhermoney .Shecoul dhav eanyguyshe
wantsbutshe’swastingall t
hatonmedi ocr
eJacob.Comeon!I
wil
lnotrestunti
lsheseest hatshei swor t
hyofsomuchmor e.

I
’m notev entalki
ngaboutmoney ,Ithi
nkmoneyi sthemost
i
mpor t
antthingintheworl
dbutNosi i
sdiff
erent.Shebel ievesin
l
ov eandsoul matesandshedeser vesthat,amanwhowi l
l
wor shi
pthegr oundshewal ksonandIknowf orafactthatJacob
i
snott hatman.Hedoesn’ tr espectherletaloneloveher .He’sa
wast eofspace.Sheev ent
ual l
yfall
sasleepandIl eaveheraf t
er
tuckingherin.Igrabbothofourschool I
Dsandheadov ertot he
dini
nghall,Iknowshe’llwakeuphungr yandwear ebroket here
i
sn’tmuchf oodl eft
.
Justmyl uck,thepersonondut yt
odayisn’
tt heagreeablesekuru
(uncl
e)thatusuallyjokesaroundwi t
hus.It’
st hemeanl i
zardlady,
herskinisclammyandshel ovesputt
ingonamani curethat
makesherhandsl ooklikeclaws.Shedartsherl ongtongue
acrossherdr yli
ps,Iwonderwhyshedoesn’ tjustuseVaseline,
clear
ly,
thecheapl ipsti
cksshe’susingareleav i
ngherli
psdr yand
chapped.

“
Wher
eisy
ourf
ri
end?
”

Ihavetoexplai
ntohert hatmyfriendisn’tfeel
ingt
oowel l
andshe
hasthegallt
oaskmef oradoct or’
slett
er .Mxm!She’
stheone
whoneedst oseethedoct oraboutherlipsandskin.Aft
erthe
unnecessar
ybackandf or t
hsheal l
owsmet ogett
wotickets.I
t’
s
l
ate,t
hequeuei sn’
tthatlongandt heboiledeggslooksorri
erthan
usual
.

WhenI ’
m surenooneisl ookingIpickfoureggsinsteadoft wo
andIshovet hem i
ntotheplasticcontaini
ngtwelvesli
cesofbr ead.
Istar
edownaf r
eshmanwhoi sstar
ti
ngatmewi thjudgment al
eyesunti
lshegetsthehi ntandmi ndsherownbusi ness.Ihand
overmyluncht i
nforsekurutoser vemewi t
hsomebakedbeans.
Ipoutwhenheaddsonl ytwospoonsandt ellhi
mt hatit
’sforme
andNosihle.Hehasacr ushonNosi hle,aspoorashei s,may be
i
t’
sjustherl
uck.

Iwr apmyov erfl

owingparcelscareful
lywit
hmyj acketsothat
“mhai Swinton”( motherSwinton)ourmat r
ondoesn’ tseeme
carryingfoodf r
om thedininghalltotherooms.WhenIgeti nt
o
ourr oom, Nosi isstil
lsl
eepingpeacefull
y.ThemomentIopent he
plasticbagwi ththeeggs,shespr i
ngsupf rom herbedandgoes
runningt othet oil
et.Shedoesn’tclosethedoorsoIcanhearher
reaching,wei rd.Ifi
nishmyf ir
stpeanutbutterandj am sandwi
ch
whileshev omi ts.

Shecomesbackl ookingpast
yandsweati
ngalit
tl
e.I’m cr
acking
myeggandt hatsomehowmakesherr ushbacktothet oi
l
et,onl
y
nowshe’sdr
y l
yheavingandnothi
ngi
scomi ngout.Icanhear
ever
ythi
ngfr
om mybed.

“Pleasetakeawaythoseeggs,
”shesay sweaklyandi
tdoesn’
t
makesenset omebecauseNosi hl
elikeseggs,sheal
wayssays
breakfasti
sthebestmealoftheday.Unless…

“
Nosi
hle,
pleaset
ell
mey
ouar
enotpr
egnant
.Pl
ease.
”

Theshadowsbehi
ndhereyesgi
vemeal
ltheanswersIneedto
know.Iwantt
oyel
latherf
orbei
ngsost
upidbutthest
arkfeari
n
herey esmakesmewantt ohugheri nstead.ShegagswhenI
drawcl osertoherandIremembert hatIjustateanegg.Itakemy
eggst othekitchenett
eandstuffthem insideoneoft he
cupboar ds.I
tusedt obestuff
yuntilIscrubbeditoneday .I
tsti
ll
smellsabi tstuff
ybutitwil
lhavetodof ornow.Ihav et
obr ush
myt eethagainandwhenIgeti nourr oom, i
tisteemingwith
Nosi'scheapscent .Iwonderwhyt hatdoesn’tmakehergag
becausei tcertai
nlymakesmybi l
er i
seunt il
Iopent hewindow
widely.

Usual
ly,Iwouldmakeacheapshotatherper fumeandJacobbut
ri
ghtnowshel ooksasifshehast heweightofthewhol ewor l
don
herfr
agileshoul
ders.SoIsitonherbedinsteadandputherhead
onmyt highsanddrawpat t
ernsonherfrayededges.Thef ir
st
thi
ngwedowhenwegetourmoneyi sdoherhai r.Iseri
ously
can’
tstandthesightofthi
sov er
grownstrai
ght -
upany more.We
arequi
et,bothofuslostinourthought
s.

“
Whatar
eyougoi
ngt
odo?Hav
eyout
oldJacob?
”

Ifi
nal
lyhedgethequesti
onwhent hesil
encegetstooheavyon
me.Ican’tmisst
heshudderthatgoesthroughherbodybefore
shesit
supandsquar eshershoul
ders.Herfacei
ssetinaf i
rm
l
inebuthereyesarehaggardwit
hasadnesssodeep, Ilookaway
befor
eitpull
smein.
“I
’m notkeepingi
t.I
’veknownt hatJacobwon’ tleavehiswi fef
or
meandsel fi
shly,
IthoughtthatifIgiv
ehi m ababyt hent hatwi
ll
changethings.Whatyousaidear li
erhitmehar d.Idon’tknowt hi
s
personI’
mt urni
ngintoandIdon’ twanttobringachi l
di ntothi
s
mess.”

IknowwhatIsai dbutnowt hereisachildinvol

vedandIt ryto
persuadehertoatl eastthi
nkitthrough.IknowNosi andthiswill
cutherupbadl y.Hermi ndismadeup.Oft hetwoofus,Ial ways
thoughtIwouldbet heonef aci
ngsuchadeci si
onandIwi shI
couldtakei
tof fhershouldersbutIcan’t.Whateverdeci
sionswe
takeinthedark,oncet hesunriseswehav et odancetothe
consequences.

.
..
..
.

Targetwasn'
treachedbutIappreci
atetheeffor
tsoher e'
sy our
bonusbutmov i
ngf or
wardift
het ar
getisn'
treachedtherewon't
beanybonus.Thisgoeswithoutsaying,Pl
easedon'treportthe
i
nsert.

Happyweekend.
Sunshi
neandShadows

Four

I
t’sasmal lmiraclethismanst i
l
lwakesupev er
ymor ningand
dri
veshisdust ycart ocomeher eandteachusCr i
mi nal
Procedur e.Everydayt hatheshuf fl
eshi spaper
sandget sint
othe
l
ectureroom, Imar velthathe’ssti
llal
i
v e.Icanbarel
ymakeout
whathe’ssay ingr i
ghtnowbecauseoft henoisecomi ngf r
om
outsi
de, Economi csstudentsarecomi ngf r
om atestandt heir
l
oudv oicesf il
tertowher eI’
m si
tti
ngint hebackofthel ect
ure
room whi leleaningagai nstthewindow.

“…not
iceofappealmustsetout“ clearl
yandspeci fi
cal
ly”the
appel
lant
’sgroundsofappeal .Itisnotenought ostat
egener al
ly
that“
theconvict
ioniswrongi nlaw”or“ theev i
dencedoesnot
supportt
heconv i
cti
on”.Iftheappel lantreli
esonaner roroflaw,
heshouldstatewhatthaterroris;ifheal legesthatt
hecour t
madeami stakeont hefacts,hemustsaywhatt hemi stakewas."
Hepausesasi fchecki
ngf oratelli
ngsnor e.

"Thereshouldbenogeneralst
atementsuchas“ thetrialcour
t
erredinaccept
ingthecomplai
nant’
sevidence”
.Thenot i
cemust
saywhyt hecourterr
ed.Theremustbeapr ecisestatementof
thepointsonwhichtheappell
antr
eli
es.Anot i
cewhi chfailst
oset
outthegr
oundsofappeal
clear
lyandspeci
fi
cal
lyi
sanull
it
yand
cannotbeamended.Onwhatgroundscansuchnot
icebe
amended?”

DrCrozi
ermayaswel lbechosenasav oi
ceoverf
orchil
dren'
s
bedti
meaudiobooks,Iswearthechil
drenwil
lbesnori
ngafterhi
s
voi
cereci
tes,
“ Onceuponatime,ther
ewas…” .Unf
ort
unately
,
passi
nghisclassismandator
yifIwantt ogr
aduate.

“Yes,Ti
ti
?”Tsi
tsi
preensl
i
keapeacockev
ent
hought
hemanj
ust
butcher
edhername.

“Unl
esst
heStat
econsent
sandt
hecour
tisdi
sposedt
oal
l
owan
amendment
,Doctor
.”

Shecrammedt henot es,IknowbecauseI ’

mr eadingthr
ough
them.ThelessondragsonandIonl ypayattenti
onwhenDr
Crozi
erannouncest hatwehav eat estontheThur sdaybefor
e
GoodFr i
day.Imeanwhodoest hat?Aneclecticoldmant hat
’s
who,therearecol
lecti
vegr oansespeciall
yinthebackatt hat
announcementandf orthef i
rstti
me, Iseehim smi l
e.

Hi
sredt
ieandwhi
teshi
rtwi
thshortsleev
esmakehispal
eskin
ev
enpal
erandhi
swispyhai
risf
lappingweakl
yinhi
shead,I
wonderwhenhe’
l
lret
ir
easheshuf
fl
esout
,al
mostbentov
er.

I’
vealreadycoll
ect
edmybagsbutIst i
llwai
tfortheinf
luxofmy
fel
lowcl assmat
estoleavebeforestandi
ngup.Iav oi
dhuman
contactasmuchasIcan.I ’m wai
tingbythedoorwhensomeone
givesmeabearhugf r
om theback.Ifli
nchunti
lhisfamil
iarscent
waifsthroughmynostri
ls,Ir
elaxandleanint
ohim andhe
ti
ghtenshi shol
doverme.Hef eelssafeandfamili
ar.

Hesni f
fsmyhairandasal
waysthatmakesmegi ggle.He
brusheshisli
psonmyneckandt hatmakesmeshi ver,mynecki s
myweakspotandheknowsi t.Ipushhim awaywhenIf eelhis
corkhardenagai
nstmybutt
.Helaughs,thatcar
efreebel l
ylaugh
ofhisthatmakesmytummywar m andtingl
y.Thesoundf i
ll
sthe
room becauseweareal
onenow.

“
Whenar eyoumarry
ingme?
”hi
swhi
tet
eet
hfl
ashagai
nsthi
s
j
uicy
,thi
ckblackl
i
ps.

“Whenyoucanaffor
dmeMrMasait
i.
”Thisi
sal
waysmyresponse
andhi
ssmilewidensashel
ower
shisheadt
owardsmyf
ace.

“
Giv
emef i
veyear
sVi
mbai
andIwi
l
lgi
vey
out
hewor
ld.
”Nowi
t’
s
mytur
ntol
augh.
“
Youwi
llneverbeabl
etoaf
for
dmeTaf
adzwa,
letal
onegi
veme
t
hewor
ld.”

He’sclose,t
oocloseandourbr eat
hsaremingli
ng.Hisisminty,
wit
hj ustawhiffofalcoholandsomehowIf indthatheadyand
i
ntoxicati
ng.Ourforeheadsarenowt ouchi
ngifi
twer eanyother
personIwouldhav epushedt hem awaybynow, Il
ovemy
personalspace.

“Keepcall
i
ngmebymymi ddl
enameandl
ooki
ngatmel
i
ket
hat
andIwill
wifey
oursexyass.”

Iam abouttoretortsomethingsmar tbackwhenhesei zest hat

momentandcapt uresmyl i
psi nhi
s.Thereisnogent l
enesst hat
I’
m accustomedt oinhiskisses,t
hisoneishotasi fhe’
ssear ing
hisnameont omysoul ,brandingmeashi s.Myey esareclosed,
heighteni
ngmysensesandmyhandsar escrunchinghist-
shi rt
.
HishandscupmyassandIl ethi
m drawmecl osertohishar d-on.
Idon’tmindhisheat,I’
m drawnt oitl
ikeali
tt
lemot htoaf i
re.

“
Valenti
ne!
”someonescreaminghisnamebr eaksthespel
landI
t
earmyl i
psfr
om hi
m buthekeepshi shandsfir
mlyonmyass,
i
mprisoni
ngme.Hedoesn’tacknowledgewhoev erwascal
li
ng
hi
m,inst
ead,
he’
slooki
ngi
ntomyey
esasi
fhe’
ssear
chi
ngmy
soul
.

“Imissyou.”Theadmissi
oniscl
earandsi
ncer
e,hi
seyeshave
darkenedwithemoti
on.ThatmakesmejumpyandIletouta
nervouslaugh.

“
Youj
ustwantmei
nyourbed.
”

He’ saboutt
oarguethatwhenhi sfr
iendcallshi
m again,more
i
nsi st
entl
ythist
ime.TheyhaveanSRCmeet i
ngtoattend.He
reluctant
lyl
etsmegoandt urnstogo, Iwatchhisi
mpr essi
ve
frameashewal ks,Ihaveathingforcute,t
ightbut
tsandr i
ppl
ed
arms.

“St
opcheckingmyass! ”Het hr
owswi thoutt
urni
ngbackandI
l
aughmydeni al.I
’m get
ti
ngoutoft hedoorwhenhej ogsback
andgi
vesmeaqui cksmoochmucht otheannoyanceofhi
s
fel
l
owcomr ades.Hedoesn’ tcareandhespanksmyassbef ore
thr
owi
ngat hreateni
ngfingeratmyf ace.

“Wewill
finisht
hisconv
ersat
ionlat
er,answery
ourphonewhenI
cal
loratleastr
espondtomyt ext
s.”
HeknowsIwon’ t
.Valenti
neTaf adzwaMasai ti
.Thetal
l,
dar k,
smar tandov erl
yasserti
vej ockthatIusedt odateduri
ngmy
fr
eshmany ear.Hiscrazy,fun-l
ovingnaturewaseasyt ofallinlov
e
wit
handheknewhowt olaydownt hepipeunt i
lhegotgreedy
andst ar
tedlayingitonothergi r
lsaswel l.Thatwasthefirstand
onlytimeIcriedov eradick.WhenIwasdonemopi ngaroundI
decidedstruggleloveisthepi t
sandInol ongerhaveti
met o
“l
ove”.

IknowwhatIwantf r
om arel
ati
onshi
pandIam notaf
raidt
ogeti
t.
Istoppeddat
ingcol
legeboysandwentf
ormaturedmenwi t
h
healt
hybankaccountsandIhavenev
erl
ookedbacksince.

Hehasbeent ryi
ngtogetmet ogetbackt oget
herwithhi
m since.
AttimesIf al
lonhisdickandscr at
cht hatit
chbutIalwaysl
eav e
thenex tmorningandgobackt omysenses.Wehav en’
tbeen
togetherthoughsincelastyear.Hi
sstrokegamei sgoodenough
toconf usemeandIhav etostayfocused.Ishoveallt
houghtsof
Tafadzwat othebackofmymi ndandIheadt othefacul
tyl
ibrar
y.

IhopeI ’
m nottoolateandt hatIwon’
tfindthet extbookon
Cri
mi nalProcedureinZimbabwebyJohnRei d-
Rowl andal r
eady
borrowedout .Therearelessthan10copiesoft hebooki nthe
l
ibrarysoit’
sast r
uggle.Myhear tdr
opswhenIf i
ndal lt
hebooks
gone.Whatdi dIexpect?IspotRuv i
mboi nside,closet othe90s
j
udgment s,shewav esmeov erandpointstoachai rnexttoher.I
smi
l
ewi
del
y,mybi
tchkeptmyspot
.

Theli
braryisful
loftheusual
nerdfaces.Idon’tknowwhyRichar
d
i
seveni ntheli
brary,
hehasmor edisti
ncti
onsthanall
ofus.
Maybehewant stotaket
herecordfrom ProfMadhukunowthat
woul
dbesomet hingfort
hehist
orybooks.Isettl
enextto
Ruvi
mboaf t
ergivi
ngherashorthug.

“Ifoundallt
heReid-
Rowlandcopi
esgone,”Imut
terqui
etl
yand
Tsitsishoot
smeanangr ylookf
rom t
heothersi
deofthetabl
e,I
starebackunti
lshegoesbacktohercramming.

“Di
dy outhinkt
heywouldwaitforyouwhil
ey ouwer
ebusy
suckingfacewit
hVallz?
”Igiveati
ghtsmile,
Icandetectt
he
catt
inessinhertoneanditr
emindsmet hatshewasoneofhis
hookups.

“
I’
ll
justhav
etowai
tforMondaymor
ning.
”

“
Noy
oudon’
t,
Ihi
dthi
sonef
ory
ou.
”

Thist
imemysmi l
eisgenui
neasItaket
hebookfrom her
.Ir
eal
l
y
needtogetsomestudy
ingonbef
orethetest
.Ial
ready
phot
ocopi
edt
henot
esandt
henecessar
yst
atut
es.

“Areyouonforsomepre-
East
erpar
tyi
ngtoni
ght
?Wear
egoi
ng
club-
hoppi
ng,f
rom Pabl
oztoCl
ubSankay
i.”

Itsoundst empting,Ineedt ocleansemysoul fr

om thecrashing
disappointmentoft hatBrookspar ty,butIcan’tgobecauseI ’m so
broke.Ruv i
mboassur esmet hati
t’
sal lt
akencar eofandwear e
getti
ngt heVIPtreatmental ltheway .Iper kup,i
tmeansImi ght
stil
lcatchashar kafterall
.Thi sl
ivi
ngony ourallowanceli
festyl
e
i
sser i
ousl
ydepr essingforme.Whatt owear ?Ipushmy
excitementasideandf ocusonPol iceInterrogati
onunderthe
power soft hepoli
cei nCriminalProcedur e.

IgetatextasI’mleavingtheli
braryaft
ertwohour sofstudyi
ng
andheadingtolunch.It’
sanEcocashconf i
rmati
onSMS, my
fat
hersentmeonet housandandf iv
ehundr edbonds.Thatwill
barel
ycovermyt oil
etri
esandgr oceri
es.Isuckmyt eethbutIst
il
l
l
oadsomeai r
ti
meandcal lhi
m.Hepi cksupont hefirstr
ing,
he
wasexpectingmycal l
.

“Vi
mbai mwanangu,wazoiwanamar iyandat
umira?”(
mychil
ddid
yourecei
vethemoneyt hatIsentyou?
)Nogr eet
ings,
not
hing.
That’
sjustt
hekindofrelat
ionshi
pwehav e.
“
Ndaiwanaizvezvibaba,
maitabasa.
”(Ij
ustr
ecei
vedi
tfat
her
,
t
hankyou)Irespondinkind.

“
Isi
tgoi
ngt
obeenoughf
oral
lyourneeds?
”

BeforeIcanrespondIhearhiswi
fe'
sv oi
cei
nthebackgr
ound
sayi
ngwhywoul dn’tt
hemoneybeenoughtheysentmoret
han
theycanafford.Igulpdownt
hebitt
ernesst
hatr
isesi
nmymout h
andtellhi
mt hatI’
llmakedo.

“
IfIgetanythingmore,I
’l
lbesuret
osend.That’
sallt
hatIhadat
t
hemoment .”Heexplai
nsalmostapol
ogeti
cal
l
yandIhearhis
wif
e'ssneeri
ngv oi
cefadingi
nthebackgr
ound.Iguesshe’
s
movingoutside.

“Iknowbaba,
”that
’swhyIcanneverbewithabrokeman.
Hearingmyfat
hersoundsoapologet
icanddef
eatedis
depressi
ngme.

“
Areyoucominghomef orEast
er?Shoul
dIsendy
oumoneyf
or
t
hebusti
cketnextweek?”

Thought
sofmyst
epmot
herpassi
ngal
lki
ndsofv
il
eremar
kst
he
wholeweekendandmyf ather’
sconstantapol
ogiesf ornot
providi
ngf orusasheshoul dmakemeshudder .Icanalready
tastethedepr essi
onjustbyt hinki
ngofbeingbacki nMkoba.SoI
l
ieandsayIhav ealotoftestsandassignmentst hatIneedto
studyfor.Ican’taff
ordtof ai
l,neit
hercanmyfather .Hesounds
disappointedandpr omisest osendmemoneyf orthe
Const i
tuti
on.

Ourconv er
sati
onleavesmef eeli
ngdisconcert
ed.Ihugmybooks
andtrytosquaremyshoul dersasImov ef r
om theGr eatHall
towardsSwinton,
alltheappet i
teIhadi ssuddenlygone.It r
yto
sti
fl
ethev oi
ceswhent heyst artwhisperi
ngandr emindingmeof
mypai n.Asalways,t
hev oiceswi nandIendupt akingt hewindi
ng
roaddownt othesportsfieldtoridmymi ndofal lt
hev oices.

.
..
..
.

Ihopeyouallhadalovel
yWomen' sDay,
let'
sseeeachot
heron
Wednesday.Read,enj
oyandshareyourthought
ssoIcanseei
f
I'
m notl
osi
ngany onewit
htheplotyet
.

SoIchangedt
heendi
ngofLol
a'
sHear
tabi
t .

Lov
eandl
i
ght
Sunshi
neandShadows

Fi
ve

Nosi hasbeeni naf unkandanevenworsegr ouchthanusual

l
ately,eversincesheadmi t
tedtobei
ngpregnant.She’ssti
l
l
pregnant,onlybecauseItoldhert
ogiveherselfaweekt oatl
east
thi
nkev erythi
ngthroughandnotmakeaper manentdeci si
onover
tempor aryemotions.

Aftermywal k,
Imeetherinthefoyer,
she’
scomingfr
om lunch.
Sheundi dherhai
r!Onel
essuglythingint
heworl
d,astepcloser
towor l
dpeace.I’
mt hi
nkingoft
akingRuvimbouponherof f
er,I
reall
yneedtode-str
ess.

“I
’
m goi
ngoutwithRuvimboandt hegir
lstoni
ght
,cl
ub-hopping,
wannacome?”Nosidoesn’
treal
lygelwithRuvi
mbo'screw,they
aret
oorat
chetforherhol
ypall
et.I’
m aski
ngoutofpoli
teness.

“
Icoulduseanightout,I
’
min.”I
’m soshockedIstandinthe
middl
eofthecorri
dor,
almostbumpingint
ot hegi
rlbehi
ndme.

“
Isn’
ttoni
ghtRev
ival
nightatchur
ch?Ar
eyoudi
tchi
ngRev
ival
?”
Sheshr
ugsasi
fmysur
pri
sei
sn’
tmer
it
ed.

“There’
ll
beotherRevival
s,sowhatar
eyouwear
ingt
oni
ght
?Do
youthinkther
e’senoughtimeformetor
ushtot
ownandcutmy
hair
?”

Whoi st
hisgirlandwhatint hehellhasshedonewi thmyf riend?I
assur
ehert here’
senoughtimef orhertogoandcutherhai r.Last
ti
meIdressedt othenines,thi
stimeIjustwantt oletmyhai r
downandgetmygr ooveon.Whi leNosihlerushestotown, Itake
outmybooksandst udytheafternoonaway .Ican’
taffor
dtol ose
myscholarship.I
’m soengrossedinmyCr i
minalProcedurenot es
thatI
’
m startl
edwhenshedumpsherpl asti
csonherbed.

“
Lookaty
ou,
looki
ngal
lki
ndsofy
ummy
!”

Sher eal
lydoeslookdr op-deadgorgeous, thesimpl efadecut
accentuateshercheekbonesandhi ghfor ehead.Shelooksl ikea
blackBarbiedoll.Shebroughtmemyf av ourit
ebur gerfrom the
l
ittl
eshopatt hecor neracrossRezende.Thei rchipsar esti
llfr
esh
butitfeel
sliketheyhav egonedownont hescal e.I
’m stuf
fingmy
facewhi l
eNosi showsmeherwar esfr
om Dunusabout ique,the
placedownt ownt hatsell
stonesofpre-lov edclothes.
Shecan’twearanyofthem withoutwashingthem f
ir
stsoshe
askstoborr
owsomet hingfrom myclothes.Ihat
eshari
ngclot
hes
andsheknowst hi
s,may bethereasonwhysheboughtmet he
burger
.I’
veneverseenNosihlesoexcit
ed, sheev
enasksmet o
dohermakeup.

“What
’sbroughtonthi
schange?
”It
il
therheadsot
hatIcan
count
erhercheekbones.

“YouwererightaboutJacob.Ididn’
treachoutt ohim andhe’s
beensil
enttoo.Heonlytextedmet odaytotellmet hatheneeds
met oaccompanyhi mtoMut areduri
ngEast er.I
’m donewith
himandIjustwanttofocusonmy sel
fandfinishmycol legedays
onahighnot e.
”

I’
m scaredtobr i
ngupt hepregnancy,shelookssohappyand
excitedsoIletherbe.Itakequickert
ogetr eady,
Isett
lefor
comf ort
ablesneaker-
bootst oni
ghtandal i
tt
lebl
ackleatherdress.
Ijustwanttodanceandnotgett oowast edsothi
soutfi
twor ks
outper f
ectforme.Myshor t
slookgorgeousonNosi hl
e,ifthey
wer en’
tGucciIwouldtellhertokeepthem.Ruv i
mbo’stextsthat
theyareoutside.

“
Bit
ches!
!!
!!
!”
Thescr eamsar epunctuatedbyshor tblast
soft hehornfr om
Danai'sg-wagon.Therear eallkindsofrumoursaboutt hatcar ,
somesuggestt hatshegott hecarf r
om herBlesserwhileot hers
clai
m herpar entsarehugeZanupfmember s.What ev
ert hecase
maybet hiscarisgoalsandi tparksinasecureslotri
ghtnextt o
thevice-chancell
or’
scarwi t
haguar dandall
.Ruv i
mboand
Maxinear ealreadyti
psy ,
theyputont hemusi cloudandst art
twerking,Ruvimboont hehoodoft hecarandMaxi neishol ding
ontot hef r
ontdooroft hecar.

Nosihl
elooksatthem wi
thdisdai
nandIpinchher ;
ifshe’sgoi
ng
tobeholyMariashemustjustturnbacknow.Sheget sthememo.
I’
m hypi
ngthem whil
estr
eami ngli
veonInstagram,hashtag
sazobal
it
.Thev i
ewsandcomment sarecrazybutwear ejust
gir
lshavi
ngfun,peopl
emustl ear
nt ost
opget t
ingfr
ustrat
edover
whatotherpeopl
edowi t
htheirli
ves.

Theli
ghti
nginthecarisperf
ecttodoanotherl
iv
ev i
deowhil
e
j
ammi ngtoLi
zzo’sTruthHurt
s.Damn,ri
ghtI’
m 100%thatbi
tch
wit
hthesesnapchatfil
ter
s.

“
Whywasn’tIi
nvi
tedwhenmywi
feyi
slooki
ngflamesli
kethi
s
AnswermytextsMami ‍♂‍ ‍♂‍”- Vall
zDePr
ezzy

Il
aughr
eactandkeepr
appi
ng,
Taf
adzwacangot
akeahi
kef
oral
l
Icare.Wear enowdr i
vi
ngintoAv enuesandtur
nontoKwame
Nkrumahandt hebri
ghtl
yli
tclubSankay i
.Thebl
ueneonli
ghtsar
e
greatfort
hepi ct
ureswetakeandIdon’ tpostt
hem j
usty
et,I
’l
l
usetheSwi ntonWifi
.Ihavealreadyexhaust
edmydatawith
Inst
agram LiveandSnapChat .

Securi
tydoesn’
tevenaskforoursecr
etcode,hebeams,moreof
agrimacethanagr i
n,atDanai
andtal
ksintohiswal
kie-
tal
ki
eand
ourbouncerforourti
meher el
eadsustoourtabl
eintheVIP
sect
ion.

“Br
ingusJay-Z’
sAceofSpadesandtheChampagnegir
ls,
we
needtogetthi
spar t
yst
art
ed!
”Danai
hastoshoutabitt
obe
heardbyourhostesswhobeamsandshoutsback“
Ok,Boss
Lady!”

Somay betherumourthatDanaii
soneofJi nimbi'
sbabi
esistrue,
whocares?Itmeanswear egett
ingthe5St artr
eatmental
lthe
way.NowJi ni
mbi i
soneofthebigsharks,moniedandgenerous
buthe’
stoof l
ashyformytast
eandnotr eal
lypleasi
ngtotheey e.

I’
mv ai
n.IneedamanwhoIwi ll
proudl
ytakepictureswith,
not
j
ustshowhi shandort oes.Ialsohavetoworryaboutt hefutur
e
faci
aldisposi
tionofmychi l
dren,noamountofmoneycanf i
x
somef acialf
eatur
es.Thewi necomesandNosi hleist
hef i
rstt
o
grabaf l
ute.
“Youshoul
dn’tbedrinki
ng,”Inudgehert
ryi
ngt
otaket
heal
cohol
awayfrom her.Sheshrugsmyhandaway .

“
I’
m notkeepi
ngi
t,r
elaxwi
l
lyou.
”

“Nosihl
eyouar
ehurti
ng,youneedtothi
nkthi
sthroughbefor
e
makingapermanentdeci
sion.
”I’
mtry
ingtoreasonwithher
andit
’shar
dwit
htheloudmusic.

“Idon’tneedy ourpermissi
on,whogaveyouahar dti
mewheny ou
abor t
ed?!”There’
sani nter
missi
onsothelastpar
tofher
statementishear dloudandclearonourtabl
e.Theothergi
rl
s
l
ookatmewi thami xtur
eofshock,sympathyandcuri
osit
y.

Wow, Idon’tknowwhatt osayt oNosihle.Ididn’

thaveanabor ti
on,
whenIf oundoutaboutTaf adzwa'scheatingescapadeIdi dn’
t
knowIwaspr egnantandthest r
essledmet omi scar
ry.Theblood
wassomuchwhent heycalledtheambul ancet oNC1i twasafter
someonef oundmei napool ofmybloodi nt hetoi
let
s.The
rumoursspr eadli
keafir
ethatIhadat tempt edanabor ti
onthat
almostkil
ledme.

Themiscarr
iagedi
dalmostki
llme,evenwhenIheal
edphysical
ly
theemoti
onalscar
ri
ngwastoomuchf ormet
ohandle.Idi
dn’t
knowhowt omournforachil
dIdidn’
tknowIwascarryi
ngand
wasn’
treadyfor.For
tunat
ely
,ithappenedwhenIwasl ef
twit
h
onl
yonepaperandi twasaneasyexam t hatImanagedtopass.
Mymidterm scoreswereal
sov eryhi
gh.

EvenifIdidhav eanabor t
ion,shehasnor ight,nonewhat soever
tothrowitinmyf aceespeci all
ywhenIhav ebeennot hingbuta
cari
ngf r
iend.Il
eaveheral oneandf ocusonmydr ink.The
weirdnessisover,thegirl
sar etal
kingaboutPokel l
oandAmmar a
Brown'slatestwardrobe.Idon’tli
keclot
hest hatmuchsoIst art
l
ookingar oundtheclubatt hepatrons.

You'dexpectacl ubli
kethistobepackedwithcel
ebr
it
iesor
athl
eti
csbutt heycan’taf
fordit
.It
’spackedwit
hthebusinessel
it
e
andthepolit
icians’chi
ldr
en.Theoneswhopul lt
hepursestri
ngs
ofthecountry.

Anyot herdaythiswoul dhavebeenagoodhunt i

nggr ound,but
todayIjustwantt oletmyhai rdownandj ustbeacol l
egestudent
outwithherf ri
endsinacl ubshecan’ taffor
d,dri
nkingalcohol
that’
sequi v
alentto6mont hsifherfather’
ssalary
.Ruv i
mbost ar
ts
twerki
ngandNosi joinsher,Nosi i
swaymor ethant i
psyandI
neverknewshehadmov esli
ket hat
.I’m angryatherbutIstil
l
takeav ideoofher.

Thi
siPhoneXwasmyl
astmi
nist
erofFi
nance'
sval
i
antef
for
tto
getmet omarryhi
m.It
ookthephoneandret
urnedther
ing.I
don’
tregretmychoi
ce,
thepi
ctur
equali
tyi
sinsane.

“
I’
mti
redoft
hisv
ibe,
let
’smov
etoPabl
o’z.
”

I
t’
scl earDanaiist
heonepul
l
ingt
hepursestr
ingst
oni
ghtsowe
fi
nishourdrinksandRuv
imboandIdeci
detousethel
adi
es
beforeleav
ing.

“She’
smadbecauseJi
nimbi'
sothersi
dejustcamei
n.”Idon’
t
knowifi
t’
stheal
cohol
looseni
nghertongueorshe’
sjustagossi
p
butIsmi
leanddon’
tof
feracomment .I
t’
snotmybusiness.

Thev i
beinthecarisevenmor ehypedaswedr i
vetoSam Lev y’
s
Vil
lageinBorr
owdale.Thev i
beischil
ledandnotasnoi syasCl
ub
Sankayi.Maxi
nestatesthatshe’
shungr ysowest artatthe
PablozDeckandor dersomespicywi ngsandcocktails.The
wingscomei nbi
gpl at
tersandIcan’thelpbutsal
ivateasIlookat
them.

WediginandNosi
hlei
sdrinki
ngmor ethansheiseati
ng,butI’
ve
deci
dedshe’
snotmyproblem.Ifshe’
stryi
ngtopoisonthatchi
l
d
wit
halcohol
,i
t’
sonhernotme,afteral
l,
she’sagrown-ass
woman.
TheDeckisalmostempt yandt hecri
spni ghtairi
senought o
chasesomeoft healcohol
f oggi
nessoutofmysy stem.I
rememberthatsomeonedi edfrom alcoholpoisoningjustaf
ter
l
eav i
ngPabl
o'z,
heslumpedont hesteeringwheel ofhiscarand
died.Iwi
l
lbewat chi
ngmydr i
nksveryclosely.

Eventuall
y,thegi
rl
sgettiredoftheconversat
ionandthefoodis
fi
nishedsowemov einside.Itt
akesamomentf ormyeyesto
adjusttothedimmedl i
ght s.Weneedtogetaspoti nt
heVIP
secti
onbef oremovingtot hedancef
loor.

I’
vealwaysfoundPabl o'
ztobetast ef
ull
ydecor ated,t
herisquéar t
anddanglingmi nichandeli
ersaredelight
ful.Thepat r
oncomest o
showust oourr eservedspot.Imustpar tywithDanai mor eoften,
ghelhasherthingsinor der
.Nosihledidn’teaseupont hedrinks
outsi
de,shestumbl esandl ucki
l
yt hepatronhol dsherup.I’v
e
washedmyhandsof fher,I
’m gi
vingherspacet odealwith
whateveri
tisthatsheneedst ogetoutofhersy stem.

“
Isn’
tthatChat
unga?Don’
tlooknow.
”

Ofcour se,weallcraneourneckstoseewhoRuv i
mboi srefer
ring
to.Twoorsoseat sawayfrom usareChatungaandhisentourage.
Agr oupofhi s“gang”whousuall
yhangaroundhimli
kebeesand
hislatestarm candyisagorgeousgi
rlwi
thshorthai
rthatis
curl
ed.
Shehasanangel ic,al
mostbaby ishf
ace,hercroptoponlycov
ers
hernipples,herboobsar egorgeousandf i
rm.She’sinshor
tst
hat
aretini
erthant heonesIborrowedNosi hl
e,showingoffher
tatt
oosonherst omach.IwishIwascl oseenought oseewhat
thetattoois.ForgetChatunga,thebabeheiswi t
hisonawhol e
otherlevel
.I’
m busycr ushi
ngonherwhenNosi hle’
sannoyi
ng
drunkv oi
cemakesmef ocusonheri nst
ead.

“
Youar
eexes,
right
?Whydon’
tyougoov
ert
her
eandt
alkt
ohi
m!”

Oh-
oh,It
rytodef
uset
hesi
tuat
ionbysayi
ngchat
ti
ngupt
oanex
i
sn’
twhatthi
souti
ngi
sal
labout,
I’
mjusther
etohangwi
thmy
gi
rl
s.

“
No,
got
ohi
m wewon’
tmi
nd.Unl
essy
oul
i
edaboutdat
inghi
m?”

Ishoul
dhavel
eftNosit
oherRev
ival
night
,howi
nthehel
lam I
goingt
ogetoutoft
hisone?

.
..
..
.

Goodmorni
ng,
I'
m exci
tedtoletyouknowthatthenextto
edi
ti
onst
oyourcol
lect
ionarealmosther
e,Igottheproof
ing
copiesyest
erday.Thespeci
ali
ssti
l
l on,
youcangetbot
hcopi
es
forR450incl
udingdeli
ver
y.Fol
lowthisl
i
nk

ht
tps:
//wa.
me/
c/27620931434

Tounlockthi
sweek'sbonusinser
t,pl
easeshar
ethi
spost
.300
shar
esunlockthebonusforFri
day.

Lov
eandLi
ght

Busi
seki
l
eKhumal
o
Sunshi
neandShadows

Si
x( SNL)

Myhear tpl
ummetingalmostoutofmychest ,Ist
andupwi th
shakylegsandmov etowardst hecoolt
able.Icanfeel t
hegirl
s'
star
esasIswaymyhi ps.Chat ungahashisheadt hrownback, t
he
l
ight-
catchi
ngontothehighl
ightsofhisti
ntedlocks,laughi
ngat
somethinghisf
ri
endsaidandt otall
yunawareofmyi ntent
ions.

Hislongl egsar estretchedoutnextt othei

rtable.Hishandis
splayedcar elesslyonhi sdate'sexposedthi
ghs.Hehasgr own
buffersinceIl astsawhi m andmuscul ar.Upclose,thegir
l l
ooks
stunningandt hetattooonhermi dri
ffi
sthatofanangel ,i
tsuit
s
herper f
ectly.Iapologizeinternal
lytoheronwhatI ’m abouttopul
l
onher .

“Bel
lzbaby,I
’
vemi ssedy
ou!
!It’
sbeenwhat
?Sixyears?”Ihav
emy
highgi
rl
yvoicegoingonandIgiggl
eabi
tbefor
eleaningoverand
givi
nghim akisssmackontheli
ps.

Atfi
rst
,he’
sstar
tl
edbutthenherel
axesandresponds,prett
y
soonit
’saful
l
-bl
ownkiss,t
ongueandall
.He’
snotabadki sser
,
he’
sgoodactual
ly.I
’
m enj
oyingt
hekisswhenI’
m start
ledbya
col
dli
quidbeingdumpedonus.I t
’sangel-
faceandshelooksli
ke
anavengi
ngangelrightnow,she’sstil
lgor
geousifshewasn’tso
angr
y,Iwouldn’
tmindhav i
ngat hreesomewi t
hherandadude,
anydudeevenChatungawoul ddo.

“
Thi
sishowy
oudome?Fucky
ouChat
unga!
”

Herpet
ulantvoicegi
vesawayherpri
vi
legedupbri
nging,
nomatt
er
howItr
yt ofakeitmyvoi
cewil
lnevercarr
yherlevel
ofspoi
l
t.

“Ruby,wai
t.Shekissedme!Yousawittoo,Iwasjustt
ooshocked
andittookawhi l
eformysensesto…”Irol
lmyeyesathisbl
atant
l
y i
ng,y
esIkissedhim buthenotonl
yresponded,
buthealso
deepenedthekiss.

“
Got
ohel
l
!!!
”

Sher
ushesoutandChat ungahast hegoodgracetofol
l
owher,
l
eavi
ngmesmi li
ngawkwar dlyathisgang.Thankf
ull
ymyact
ual
exi
snotpartofthecr
ew.Il eavethem andgobacktomygir
ls
whoshoutandscream asIappr oach.

“
Youar
ecr
azy
!”

“
Damngi
rl
,Iwi
shIhady
ourbal
l
s!”
“Ir
eal
l
ythoughty
ouwerelyi
ng,”Ideci
det
oignor
eNosihl
e'
ssni
de
commentandacceptacel
ebrator
ydri
nkf
rom Danai
.

“Tobadbi t
ches!”Ir
aisemygl
assi
nami
nit
oastandt
hel
adi
es
scream andtoastme.

Itrynott
ot hinkaboutt hepainedl ookinthatgi r
l'
sface.She’ll
thankmel ater,shedoesn’tdeser vetobeinar elat
ionshipwith
someonewho’ l
l al
lowar andom gi rl
tokisshim.Dav i
do's‘Bum
Bum' comesonandIj oi
nRuv imboi ntwerking.Ididn’tknowhow
muchIneededt oletl
ooset onightandjustbey oungandwi ld,not
thi
nkingofmyf utureoranypr ospectiv
ecash- cow.

Wedanceanddr ink,Ihav
eallbutforgot
tenaboutmylit
tl
est int
earl
ieruntil
Chatungacomesandst andsinf
rontofourcorner.An
expectantsil
encehangsov erourgroupandIconti
nuedrinkingas
i
fIdon’ thaveacareinthewor l
dbutinsideI
’
m prayi
ngthathe
doesn’tblowmyst oryandtrytocalm mynervesdownwi th
al
cohol .Hedoesn’tevenacknowledgetheothergi
rl
s,hejust
l
ooksatme.

“
Thestuntyoupul
l
edmademel
osemydatefort
henight
,”
t
ransl
atedt
omeanImadehi
mlosehi
sfuckgi
rlf
ort
onight
.
“She’
syoungandvul
ner
abl
e,she’
l
lgetov
eri
tandt
hankmeone
day”Isoundbr
avert
hanIf
eel.

“Yeahbutwhataboutme?Youowemenow.Let
’sgosot
haty
ou
canpayyourdues.
”

Hebi
teshi
slowerl
i
pinacl
assi
cpl
ayboymov
e.

Iconsi dermyopt ions,Ihav en’

thadsexi nawhilemay beIneedto
blowof fsomest eam bef oreIdosomet hingdumbl i
keaccept
Taf adzwa’soffer.I’
dalsohav eadif
ferentpart
ytri
ckfrom theone
Imadeupi nhighschool .Hecouldbewhacki nbedandl eaveme
mi serable.Conti
nuehav i
ngf unwiththegirl
sbutthenIwoul d
wor ryaboutNosi hle.Thel astopt
ionisenought ospurmet otake
hispr offer
edhand.Hepul l
smeupandIhav etocl
ingtohischest
unt i
lIcangetsomebal ance.

“Byeladi
es,
”hesaysandthegi r
lsposit
ivel
ypur
r,Ruvi
mbocan’
t
evenhidetheenv
yinherey es.Hedoesn’tl
etgoofmyhand,whil
e
Ithoughthewoul
dleadmet othegrouphepassesthem wi
thj
ust
awav e.Hemeansbusiness.

“
Idon’tknowy
ou,
”hesayst
hemomentwegeti
ntohi
sspor
tscar
.
Helooksatmeasi
fsear
chi
ngmyface.
“Thenwhatam Idoi
nginyourcar
?”myl
azydr
awl
isst
ret
ched,
emphasi
zingeachword.

“
Youar
ebal
l
syandIl
i
ket
hati
nagi
rl
,Il
i
keachal
l
enge.
”

“Areyougoingtodri
veandgettoseejusthowbal
l
syIcangetor
areyougoingtostayher
eallni
ghtandtalk?
”Hi
seyesspar
kleat
mychallengeandheputsthecari
ngearandspeedsoff
.

I’
m surpri
sedthathe’sact uall
yeasytotalkto,abi
tont he
arr
ogantsidebuthe’st alki
ng.Wedebat eonwhohasbet t
erbeats
between2PacandEmi nem, Irel
atemoret othement alhealth
i
ssuest hatEminem spitsbar sonr at
herthantheBlackAmer i
can
str
ugglesofTupac.Hehat estheotherraceandhearinghi m
speakisalmostlikel
isteningt ohisoldman.Theirprinciplesare
nobleyettai
ntedbygr eedandmi sogyny.

Het al
ksfondlyofhisli
ttl
ebr otherandl aughsatallthecrazy
stuntshepulls,
apparently,it
’sal
ltogetar i
sefrom thei
rmot her
.
Youcanj usttel
lthathelov eshim event houghtheysoundl i
ke
polaropposit
es,hisbrotherisoutt here,fl
ashywhil
eChat ungais
mor elai
dbackandabi taloof.Appar entl
y,theonethingtheyhave
i
ncommoni sbeingdottinguncles.
Wepar kattheRai nbowTower sHot elandInot i
ceaf ewcars
parki
ngdiscreetlysomedi stancefrom us.Ihadn’ tnoti
cedhis
securi
tydetailbefore.Apparentl
y,t
hi sfi
rstsongi gisforl
i
feev en
yearsaft
ery ourfathersteppeddownf rom off
ice.Wegett hefive-
startr
eatmentev enatt hedeskandwear eescor t
edbyabel l
-boy
toaluxurysuite.Assoonashet ipsandwear el eftal
one,hepins
met othedoorandki ssesmehungr il
y.

Hislipsar
esmoot handhekisseswi thprecisi
on,notthebranding
fi
reinVall
z’skisses,t
hisissmoot herandhasmyl egsquiveri
ng.
Hepi cksmeupl ikeIweighnothingandpi nsmet ot hedoor.My
dresshasriddenupmyl egs,
leavingmyt highsexposed.Wi t
hout
breakingt
hekissheshr ugshisjeansof funtil
theypoolathis
ankles.

Hisli
pshungri
l
yseekminewhi leIwanttof
eastmyeyesonhi
s
hard-
on.Ohwell,
Iwil
lj
ustexploremyhands.Thet
autli
nesonhi
s
stomachfor
m alayer
edgri
dt ohispelv
ichai
r.

Withoutwarning,hel
et’
sgoofmyl ipsandhoistsmeup, such
thathi
swar m breat
hisfanni
ngmyt highs.Ti
nykissesi
nsidemy
thi
ghsal mostsendmet oafrenzy
,hisli
psarehotandseeki ng.I
i
nv ol
untari
l
yopenmyl egsevenwiderandhet ight
enshishol d
overmyass.

Whenhi shottonguereachesmynubIj erkupwardsandhe

managest oholdmest eady.DearGodithasbeensol ong.Ther
e
arethi
ngstheSur f
ercan’tdoli
ketwirl
histonguearoundmyG-
spotli
keChatungaisdoingnow, teasi
nganddangli
ngmysweet
escapey etdepri
vi
ngmeatt hesameti
me.MaddeningbutIfeel
everyli
ck,everyt
inybi
teandwhenhisfi
ngerj
oinshi
stongue,I
feelsofull
.

Mynai l
saredeeplyembeddedinhisperfectl
ycoil
edl ocksandI
keeppushinghisheaddeeperint
omyf olds.Ifhedies,hedies.He
fi
nall
yhitsthespotwit
hhistonguewhilehisthumbi sroughly
str
okingmycl i
tandforamomentI ’
mt heonewhodi eswi t
ha
mill
i
onl i
tt
lestar
sshini
ngbehindmyey esandIbecomeundone.

I
’m sti
ll
ridi
ngonmyhighwhenIhearthesoundoffoi
ltear
ingand
j
ustasIbecomemor eluci
dhisc*rki
mpalesme,st
ret
chingmea
bi
t.It
’sbeenawhi
leandI’m gr
atef
ulhei
snotaswell-
endowedas
Tafadzwa.

Whathel acksinsizehesur emakesupf ori

ntechnique.Myback
i
sst i
l
lpressedagai nstthedoorbutmyonelegisnowsl ungover
hisshoul
derandt heot heroneheisholdi
ngupwi t
hhi sar
m, at
thi
sangle,Icanfeel hi
sentir
elengthandhealt
ernatesbetween
deepandshal l
owst r
okesinanupbeattempo.

Thesoundofhisbal
lssl
appingagai
nstmyasshei ghtenthe
erot
ichum t
hatmymoansandhi sgroanshavecreated,bl
ending
i
ntotheperf
ectsymphony.He’
sgoingintoodeepnow, ina
fr
enziedal
mostmanicpaceandallIcandoiscli
ngont ohisback
di
ggi
ngi
nmynail
s,t
hatwil
ll
eav
eamar
kbutf
ornow,
bot
hofus
ar
etoof
argonet
ocare.

Thatmomentwhenhet ensesjustbeforehisr
elease,hisbody
coil
stightl
ypushingminetoitsownr eleaseanditfeelsli
kethe
endorphinskeepgoingonandon, r
obbingmeofmysani t
y.I’
ma
shiver
ingmessandmyl egsgivewaywhenheput smedownand
Itakehim downt othefl
uffyr
ugwi thme.Hei stoppledont opof
mewi thhisjeansaroundhisankleswhi l
emydr essisbunched
aroundmyst omach.Ourey esmeetandwebot hbr eakintoafit
ofgiggles.

“
Thatwasonewil
dri
de,
”hesayst
ryi
ngtocatchhi
sbr
eat
haf
ter
r
oll
i
ngoverandnowI
’mtheonespl
ayedoverhim.

“Thenighti
sstil
lyoungandIhav
en’tev
enr i
ddeny
ouy
et.
”I
chal
lengehim andthathashi
seyessparkl
i
ng.

“
Howaboutwegetr
idoft
hissweatandy
oushowmej
usthow
wi
ldy
oucanri
deme?”

Idon’tevengetachancetoproperl
ytakei
ntheopulenceofthe
bathroom,Chatungadragsmetotheshowerstal
landt hewayhe
bathesmei sanotherf
orm off
orepl
ay.Mynippl
eshav ehardened
i
ntot wolit
tl
epebblesandhekeepsmassagingmybr eastsover
thelat
herofsoap,hi
sotherhandisinti
matel
ywashi
ngme.My
sensesareri
ngingandwhenIf eelhi
shard-
ononmyass, i
ttakes
all
myst r
engthtoaskhi
mf orpr ot
ecti
on.Hecur
sesli
ght
lyand
hurri
edl
yri
nsesusbeforethrowingmeat owelt
odrymyself
.

BythetimeIf i
nishdryingmy selfandmyweav ebef oreplacing
anothert
owel onmyhead, hehasal readyleftmei nthebat hroom.
Ifi
ndhim sprawledont hebedst r
oki
nghi sc*r k.Thesi ghtisso
sensualmybr eathcatchesi nmyt hr
oatasIt akeamomentt o
admirehisl
eanphy siqueandsal i
vat
eov erhist hickeningmember .
Hethrowsther ubberatmeandIcat chit
.Idr opmyt owel andt he
l
ustinhiseyesmakesmef eelohsopower ful.

“Getreadyfort
hewildestr
ideofyourl
i
fe,
”Iwhi
speragai
nsthi
s
earbeforetear
ingof
fthefoilwi
thmyteet
h,car
eful
nottosni
pthe
contentsaswell.

Hisexci
tementheightensasIroll
thescentedrubbersl
owlyand
del
iber
atel
yoverhislength.Heisimpati
entbutI’
mi nchar
genow
andwehav eunti
lsunrise,Iai
mtot akemysweett i
me.

WhenIslowl
ylowermy selfoverhi
slengthwebothshudder .I
waitj
ustafr
acti
onofami nutewit
houtmoving,
justclampingmy
wall
sdownandsuckingi nhishead.Onlywhenhisgroans
i
ntensi
fydoIsl
owlystartrockingmyhipsbackandfor t
hinthe
di
rect
ionofhi
shead.Ikeepmypelv
isincont
actwi
thhi
satfi
rst
,
hei
ghteni
ngmypleasur
ealmostasifI
’
m play
ingwi
thmysel
fand
he’
smySur f
er.

Hetri
estomov ehishandst omybr eastsandIswatt hem away.I
pi
nchmyni ppl
es,gaspinginpleasureandthistur
nshi m onIf
eel
hi
smemberpul si
ngwi thinme.Igrindmyhipsi nsl
owci rcl
es,
in
cl
ockwiseandcounterclockwisemov ements.Jer
kingand
navi
gati
nghisc*r
kt ohitallt
heangl est
hatIwantittohit.

WhenIfeel my sel
fbuil
dingup,Ir
eachdownandpl aywithmycl
it
whil
egrindi
nghar dagainsthi
m andmywal l
sautomaticall
y
ti
ght
enagai nsthim andheletsoutagruntl
i
kehe’sinpain.I
cont
inueplayingwithmy sel
funti
lIbr
eakapart
,ri
dingmywav eon
hi
m.

Iopenmyey
esandIf
indhi
m wat
chi
ngmewi
thl
ustr
eddened

eyes.Itur
nwithhim st
il
li
nsideme,bendingalitt
lesot hathehas
afullvi
ewofmyassaswel lashimsel
fslidi
nginsidemeasI
tweakonhi m.Thatdri
veshim cr
azyandI ’
m nolongerincontrol
,
heistoppingfr
om beneath,
hishandstightl
ygraspingmywai st
almostpinchi
ngmeashemakesmer idehimf aster.Mythir
d
orgasm i
sthel
astt
hingIr
ememberbef
oredr
if
ti
ngof
ftoadeepl
y
sati
atedsl
eep.

.
..
..
.

Ihopeyouhav eawonder f
ulweek,l
etmegetbackt oprepari
ng
booksfordispatch.Lol
a'
sHeartandFall
enCandlearedroppi
ngin
bookst
orest hi
sweek.Pleasekeepalookoutandtagmewhen
youspotthem.

Lov
eandLi
ght

Busi
seki
l
eKhumal
o
Sunshi
neandShadows

Sev
en

“
Rubywai
t!
!”

Ihavenev erbeensodi sr
espectedinmyent ireli
fe!Icanhearhim
breathi
ngclosetomeandhet ri
esholdingmyhand.Iwantt o
yankitoffbutthenInot i
ceoneoft hereportersfr
om H- Metr
oat
thecornerofmyey e.Igr
itmyteethandl ethim holdmyhand.I
makesur etogr i
phisuntilhewinces.Iburstintocarefr
eegiggl
es,
atfir
sthe’sconfusedbutt henhecatcheson.Hel eansoverto
kissme.

Ittakesal lmystrengthnott obit

eof fhistongue,thesamet ongue
hehaddownar andom hussy ’
sthroatjustmoment sago.When
het ri
estodeepent hekiss,Iplayf
ullypushhi m awayinfake
modest y
.Wewal koutwi thhisarm aroundmywai standitfeel
s
l
iket heski nar
oundmywai stiscrawli
ngwi thmaggot s.The
momentt hecol
dni ghtairhit
smyf aceandwear ei nt
he
protectivecoveroft heshadowsatt heparkinglot,Ist
epaway
from him andgiv ehim aresoundingsl apthatleavesmyhand
stinging.

“
Ideser
vet
hat
,lookI
’
m sor
ryIal
l
owedhert
oki
ssmebutdon’
tbe
gett
ingallhandsywithmebecauseyouwon’
tli
kei
tifIstri
keyou
back.”Thethreati
nhisvoi
cesendschi
ll
sdownmyspi nebutIsti
l
l
str
aightenitandstandt
omyf ul
lhei
ghti
nheel
swhichr eaches
j
ustupt ohischest.

“St
ri
kemebackj ustli
keyouki
ssedherback.Howcouldyou
Chatunga??Aft
erallI
’
vebeenthr
ough?Ij
ustneededanightout
awayf r
om ever
ythi
ngtoj
ustgetawayfr
om ital
landyoujusthad
tobeaj er
k.”

Heblowssomeair
,moppinghisf
acewi t
hhishands.Whenhe
l
ooksdownatme,thest
arsareshini
ngthroughhisey
es.Fora
momentregr
etdar
kenshi
sey esbutthenit
’sgone.

“
I’
m sor
rymyRubi
es,
let
’sgetoutofher
eandI
’
llmakei
tupt
o
y
ou.”

Unbel
iev
abl
e!I
’
m hurtandallhecant
hinkofissex.Istor
m of f
towar
dsmycaranddriversl
ashbodyguar
disalr
eadyunr av
elli
ng
hisl
engt
hfr
om thedri
ver’
sseatwhenheseesusappr oaching.

“
Comeonshawtyi
t’
sbeenfor
ever
,I,
noscr
atchthat
,weneed
t
his.
”Het
ri
est
opersuademebefor
ewereachthecar.
“
Gof
*cky
our
sel
fChat
unga.
”

HegivesupandturnsbackandItrytohol
dinthet
ears.He
doesn’
tdeserv
emyt ear
s.Uncl
eGumbur aiopenst
hedoorforme
andIgetintot
hebackseat
.Hemakessur emyseatbel
tison,
mucht omyannoyancebefor
eclosingt
hedoorandjoggi
ngtohi
s
si
deoft hecar
.

Itrytocont r
olmybr eathingasIt hinkofthatgi r
lwit
hher
ti
ghtleatherdressandsneakerheel sofal l
thelamet hings,
sashay i
ngupt ousandki ssingmyboy fr
iend.Isawhercomi ngup
tousandIwasadmi ringherpet i
teyetcurvyframeupunt i
lthe
momenthersqueakyv oicer angoutoverthemusi candt henshe
wasal loverChat ungal ikeabadcaseofwar ts.Thewor stpartis
thatheletherki sshim andev enzonedout .Icouldseehi sf
r i
ends
smi r
kingatme, theydon’ tr eal
lyl
ikemeandt heydon’thideit.

“Whatdidhedo? ”Uncl
eGumburaiaskswhenIsighdespondent
ly.
“Tel
luncl
esot hatIcantur
nthi
scararoundr
ightnowandgocut
offhi
sball
s.”

Anunwil
li
nglaughescapesmymouthandhelooksatmethrough
ther
earvi
ewmi r
ror
,hi
sey essmi
l
ingev
enthoughhisfacer
emains
animpassi
vemask.
“
I'
dlety
ouf
eedt
hem t
ohi
m.”

Apar tofmeknowshei snotjoki ngbutthat’suncleGumbur aif

or
you, hemakesmef eelbetterwithouttryi
ngt o.Hei sn’tmy
biologi calunclebuthe’sbeenar oundevenwaybef oreIwasbor n.
Heandmyf at
hergobackt otheNor t
hKor ean-t
rainedFi ft
h
Brigade, aninf
antrybrigadeoft heZi mbabweNat i
onal Army
(ZNA) .Whi l
emyf athermanagedt ogetintooffi
ce, hewaspar tof
thel uckyf ew,uncleGumbur aiwaspar toft heunluckyones
tossedasi deaf t
erdoingt hebigguns' di
rtywor kfort hem for
years.Uncl eGt el
lsmet hesethi ngs,myf atherdoesn’ ttel
lnor
wantmet oknowaboutt heFift
hBr i
gade.

“Pl
easetakemetoTendero.”Idon’twantt
ogohomeandget
i
nterr
ogatedbymyfat
herjustyet.UncleGumbur
ail
ooksatme
agai
nbutonlygi
vesacurtnod.

Thedr ivetoAvondaleisfi
l
ledwi t
hcomfort
ablesilence.Ikeep
checkingmyphonef oranymessagesorcallsfrom Chat unga.His
ratassdi dn’
tevenbothertexti
nganapol
ogy.HisI nstagram hasa
Livevideogoingonandhe’ swi t
hhisf
ri
ends,thatgirlisnowhere
i
nsi ght.Thatsl
ightl
ymolli
fiesmebutI’
m sti
llhurti
ng.Wegeti n
easil
yintoCambr idgeSuit
es,Ihaveagatepasst hatTender o
gaveme.
“YoucangohomeBamkuru,I
’l
lgohomeinthemorni
ng.”Irel
i
eve
uncl
eGumburaiofhi
sdut
iesandhegrunt
s.Hedoesn’tl
ike
Tender
omuchbuthedoesnothaveasayinthematter.

There’
sawhi t
ecoupl
echecki
ngin,
att
helobby
.Ismi l
evaguel
yat
them andwaveatMariawhobeamsandwavesback.Igoupt o
thepenthouseandIl
etmysel
finwi
thmyownseaml esscard.

Thisapartmentwi thitsmodernfeel
,detachedcr
eam wal
l
sand
art
wor kcoveri
ngt hepassageway ,i
sn’
tevenaquart
erofthesi
ze
ofmyhomebutov erthepastmonths,i
thasbecomemyhome.
Atleastheretherear eonlythr
eebedroomsnotanumberof
st
atelyempt yroomswhi chreekofl
oneli
ness.

Ifol
l
owt hesoundoftheTVandIf indTenderospr
awledonthe
hugeleat
herOttoman,puf
fi
ngonsomeweedandt woboxesof
pi
zzaarenexttoher.Sheonl
yraiseshereyesthenwhenshesees
i
t’
sme, shegoesbackt owat
chingt hemurdermyst
eri
esonTV.

Ineedsomecomf or
tf oodsoImov etothekitchenandIopent he
mirrorfri
dgewi t
houtcheckingmyr efl
ecti
onli
keIusuallydo.My
eyeslightupwhent heyl andontheheart-
shapedi cecr
eam cake
fr
om Tr eat&Co.Myf avouri
tePinkPantheri
cecr eam f
lav
our,I
can’twaitforthedel
iciouslayer
sofstrawberr
yandchocol at
e,
withthedar kchocol
at eganachefudgeandchocol atef
udge,to
meltinmymout h.
It
akeaf orkandst arteati
ngthecakebeforeheadingtothe
l
ounge.Itakeof fmyt opandthrowitonthefloor
.Iclosemyeyes
whenthebr ainfreezehit
smeandopent hem tofi
ndTendero
l
ooki
ngatmewi thbloodshoteyes.Shestudi
esmeandIcont i
nue
st
uff
ingmyf acewi thi
cecream.

“
Hehur
tyou.
”

It
’snotaquestion,i
t’
smor eofar esi
gnedstatement
.Ishr
ugmy
shouldersandkeepeatingwithoutrespondi
ng.Shel
etsmebe
andwesi tli
kethis,
mest uff
ingmyf aceandherpuff
ingonher
weedf oragoodt enminuteswithouteit
herofussayi
nganyt
hing.

“
Hel etsomerandom bi
tchkisshi
m andheki
ssedherback.
”The
l
astpartcomesoutasawhi sper,
myv oi
cei
schokedupbymy
t
ears.

Tenderoopensherar msandthat’sallt
hesignalIneedtothr
ow
my sel
father.I
’
m st r
addl
ingherandbowl i
ngmyey esout
,my
tearswett
inghert-shi
rt
.Sheisholdi
ngmet ightl
y,drawi
ngcir
cles
onmybackunt ilI’
veexhaust
edmyt ear
s.Sheusesherhandst o
wipeawaymyt ear
sandIcan’ttearmyey esfrom herst
onedgaze.

“
Ikeept
ell
i
ngy
out
haty
ouar
etoobeaut
if
ult
okeeponhur
ti
ng
yoursel
fwi
tht
hatj
erk.
”Herv
oicei
sasoot
hingr
umbl
eagai
nstmy
hair
.

“
Butmyf
ather
…”

“NoRuru,atsomepointy
ouwil
lhav
etostandupforyour
sel
fand
stopl
i
vingintheshadowofy
ourfat
her
’sexpect
ati
ons.
”

Isi
ghbecauseweal wayshavetheargumentandt
odayI’
mt oo
exhaustedtoarguewi
thher,
Idon’tr
espondbutIt
akeherface
andbringitdowntomine.

“Ineedyou,pl
easetakethehur
taway,”Isayagai
nstherl
i
ps
beforecapt
uri
ngthem inahungryki
ss.

Herweedsmokei sintoxi
catingandt hefusi
onwiththeicecr eam
Ijusthadisheady .Shehol dsmychi nanddeepenst hekiss,her
fulll
i
psar esof tandpl i
ant.Istar
tgr i
ndingagai
nstherwant i
ng, no,
needingtof eelhernakednessagai nstmineinst
eadofall t
hese
l
ay ersofclothes.Shet earsherlipsfrom mineandIlookather
from hazy,lustful
ey es.

“
NoRuby
,Ican’
tkeepdoi
ngt
hist
omy
sel
f,Ican’
tkeepl
ett
ingy
ou
usemewhenhehurt
sy ou.”Ihatet
hepai
ninhereyest
hat
’s
maki
ngherv
oicegr
uff.IhatethatI
’
m hur
ti
ngher.

“I
t’
syouthatIl
oveTendi
,youknowthatri
ght
?”Iholdhergaze
needi
nghertobel
iev
emeandt hedenial
inhereyeskil
l
smea
l
it
tlei
nsi
de.

“Maybelasty earIdid,butnowIjustt
hinkthi
s,allthi
sisnolonger
j
ustachar adef oryourfather
.You'
vecaughtfeelingsforhi
m andI
wanttoremov emy sel
f.Ineedtoremov emyselfformyown
sani
ty.
”Pani crisesinmyhear t,
Ican’
taffor
dtol osehertoo.

“NoTendi it
’syouthatIl
ove,Ijustf
eel sodisrespect
ed,angr
yand
IresentthatIhavetobewiththatjer
ki nst
eadofbei ngopenly
withyou.Iknowy ou'
dneverhur tmelikehej ustdid.
”Hereyes
softenforasecondbutthent heyhardenagai n.

“Youar ehurt
ingmei ntheprocess.Ican’
tkeepdoingthis.When
hehur tsyou,youcomehereandgi vememi nd-
blowingorgasms
thatleavemef eel
ingemptyandused.Il ov
ey ouRubyandi t’
s
kil
li
ngmet oseeyouf al
li
nlovewi t
hsomeoneel se.”

“
Ilov
ey out
ooTendi,
pleasedon’tsayI
’
mf all
i
ngfort
hati
diot
.It
’s
y
ou,it
’sal
waysbeenyousinceformtwo.Ilovey
ousomuchandI
j
ustneedsomet i
metocomeouttomydad.Youknowt
hisyear
hasbeenroughonus.Baby
,pl
easedon’
tgi
veuponmeyet.
”

Shel ooksatmel i
keshe’
sembeddingmyf aceinhermind.WhenI
can’tstandhersi
lentper
usalany
moreIkissheragain,
thi
stime
shedoesn’ tr
espond.Il
ethergo,t
hetear
sbuildi
ngupagaininmy
eyes.

“Whatyoufel
twhent hatgi r
lkissedhimi snothingcompar edto
whatIf
eeleverytimey oumakemecomeoutwi t
hyoutwoandI
seehi
shandsonmyt attoo,onthet hi
ghsthatIknowbet terthan
myown.Doy ouknowhowIf eeleveryti
meheshov eshistongue
downyourthroat?If
eel li
kesomeonei sstabbingalit
tl
epi eceof
myheart.I
fIstaywithy ouher e,myheartwillendupdead.Admi t
i
tyouenjoyhistouchandy oudon’tpretendwhenhe’ sinsideyou.
”

Ican’tmeethergazebecauseev eryt
hingshe’ssayingistrue.I
l
ov eTenderoandbei ngwithherisal
way sl
ikebari
ngmysoul and
str
ippingmywhol ebeingnakedbutbei ngwit
hChat ungai salso
excit
ingandwhenhet ouchesmeIal wayscraveformor e.
Thoughtsofhim withsomehoer i
ghtnowar edri
vingmecr azy
butTenderoismyhome, mysafespaceandwhi l
eIl ustover
ChatungaIloveher,she’stheonl
yonewhomakesmebr eakapart
i
ntoami l
l
ionpieces.Somet hi
ngshesaidri
ngslouderi nmymi nd.
“Waitwhatdoyoumeani
fyoust
ay?
”it
’shert
urnnowt
oav
oidmy
eyesandsigh.

“
I’
m goi
ngtoAust
ral
ia.If
inal
l
yaccept
edmypar ent
s’ur
gingsand
t
heywereonl
ytoohappytosendmeat i
cket
.”

Itfeel
slikemywhol ewor l
discrumbl ingdownandwhatIt hought
Iwasf eeli
ngbeforeintheclubisnot hingcompar edtothe
phy si
calpaini
nmyhear tri
ghtnow.Itf eelsli
kesomeonedealta
bluntblowtomyhear t.Iam havingdi ff
icult
ybreathi
ngandshe
coachesmeonhowt obr eathunti
lthet ight
eningaroundmy
chesteasesandt hetearsstartfl
owingunt i
lI’
m wail
ingi
nher
arms.

“
Please,
pleasedon’
tdothistous.Pleasedon’
tleav
emeTendero,
I
’l
ll
eavehim.I’
ll
tel
lmyfatherIl
ovey ou,j
ust
,pl
easedon’
tleav
e
me.Youareallt
hatIhav
e, baby
,please.”

Ibegin-
bet weenhi
ccupsandIcanhearhersobbi
ngtooasshe
holdsontome.Ineedhertotel
lmeshe’l
lstay,
thatwe’
l
lbefine
andeverythingwi
ll
gobacktohowitusedtobeandt hi
syearwil
l
stopsendingblowsmyway .

“
I’
m sor
rymyangel
butIhav
etochoosemysani
tynowandst
art
openlylivi
ngmyt rut
handmay beyoual
soneedtodiscov
erwhat
yourtruthis.I
fwear emeanttobe,wewil
lfi
ndourwaybackt
o
eachot her.
”Ishakemyheadv ehement
lywit
heachstabtomy
heartthatherwordst ender
.

“Pleasehol
dme, ”Iwhisperinahoar
sevoiceandIcanseethe
deniali
nherglassyeyesev enbef
oreshesaysthewordst
hat
breakmebey ondrepair.

“Ican’
t.I
’l
lsl
eepint heguestroom,pleasel
eavethegat epassand
cardinthemorningbef or
ey ougohome.Goodby e,Ruby ,
Ilove
youenoughtolety ouexplorewhoy oureal
lyar
ebutIal solove
meenought owal kawaywhi l
eIst
il
lcan.Ihopeyouknowt hat
youdeserveall
thel oveintheworl
dandt obelovedright.
”

Iwantt
odi easIwat
chherleavemesobbingintherugofher
l
oungewithoutl
ooki
ngback.Thisni
ghthastur
nedintomyworst
ni
ghtmare.

.
..
..
.

Goodmor
ningf
ami
l
y
Tounlockthi
sweeksbonusI'
l
lpostagiv
eawayaft
erthi
spost,
300sharesonthatgi
veawaywil
lunl
ockthi
sweeksbonus.Pl
ease

Thefi
rstbatchofpreor
der
shavebeendispat
chedandI'
m
cur
rentl
ywor ki
ngontheseconddi
spat
ch,ify
oudon't
heyyour
booksjusty
etpleasebepati
entt
heyar
ecomi ng.

Lov
eandLi
ght

Busi
seki
l
e
Sunshi
neandShadows

Ei
ght

Vi
mbai

Themor ningaft
erisalwaysthemostawkwar d.Iwakeupwitha
sl
ightheadachefrom all
thealcohol
Ihadl astnightand
i
nsuffi
cientsl
eep.Ist
retchmyhandsandl uckil
yallt
heybump
i
ntoaresheetsandpi l
lows.Ay awnbreaksoutandIsmot heri
t
withonehandwhi let
heot herr
ubsmycr ustyey es.

I’
m al
onei ntheroom, orIthinkIam andmycl othesareneat
ly
fol
dedont hechai
rnexttot hebed.Itakeamomentt osi
nk
deeperintothebed,cherishingi
tslushness.NowonderIsleptso
soundl
y ,Ican’
tfeelasinglelump,i
t’sasifI’
mf l
oati
ngonacl oud.
Unli
kemyol dmattr
essatSwi nt
onwer eIcanfil
lthespri
ngsever
ti
meIt urn.

WhenIf i
nall
ysitupInot
iceshoppingbagsfr
om Glamouri
ze
Accessori
es,ShoeShackandObsession.I
nmyexci t
ement,Idr
ag
them t
owardsmeandawadofcashf al
lsfr
om oneofthebags.
I
’mf i
ngeri
ngthemoneywi thafrownonmyf acewhenthe
bathr
oom dooropensandChat ungacomesoutwithawhitetowel
hangingl
owonhi spel
vi
cgirdl
e.I
’mtoori
ledupt
odrool
overhi
s
i
mpr essi
vephy
siqueandthepromisest
ri
ngofpubi
chai
ronhis
stomach.

“Whati
sthis?”Ithr
eateni
ngl
yshovethewadofhardUScurrency
i
nhisdir
ection.Heseemssurpri
sedbymyangryreact
ion,
his
sexygr
inhassl i
doffhisf
acetoberepl
acedbyaperpl
exedlook.

“I
t’
smoney
,”hemumbl
esandst
opshi
msel
ffr
om say
ingany
thi
ng
el
se.

“Iknowit
’smoneybutwhati
sitf
or?”Nowhelooks
uncomfortabl
easi
fhe’
sbeencaughtwit
hhi
spantsdown.

“
It
’sf
oryou,t
axi
far
e.”Ibl
owoutsomeai
r,hi
sexpl
anat
ionmakes
memoreril
edupandIhavenoi
deawhy.

“I
’m notsomepr osti
tut
ethatyouboughtattheClubandy ouhave
topay .Ij
usthadanitchandyouscratchedit
,itwasj
ustahookup
nothingmor e.Youdon’
thavetopaymef ormyservi
ces.I
’m good
andIcanaf fordmyownt axif
are,
thanky ouverymuch.”

Af
termyi
mpassi
onedspeech,
hesi
tsont
hebedandr
unshi
s
fi
ngersthr
oughhisnott
otal
l
ydrylocks,
thefr
ownonhisf
aceonl
y
servestomakehimlookmorebroodyandsexyashel
l
.Godsur
ely
tookhisti
mewiththi
sone.

“I’
m sorr
yit’
sjustt
hatever
ygi r
lIhookupwithusual
lywants
somet hi
ngandIdidn’
twanty ourunni
ngtothetabl
oidi
twould
hurtmyRuby .”Isi
ghandplacemyheadonhi scoolshoul
der,
feeli
ngdirt
ywhenIcatchawhi ffofhi
scucumberandwat er
melon
showergel.

“LookIwasdrunkandcaughtupi nal i
e,Ishouldn’
thavedone
whatIdidbutIdon’tr
egretl
astnightnorneedanypay ment.I
won’tgotothepressbutI’
ll
probablybragtomyf r
iendsabit.
”
Thetensi
ononhi sshoul
derseasesandhel aughsatthelastpar
t.

“Ok,buti
fyouwantany
thi
ng,
any
thi
ngatal
ll
etmeknow.
”Li
ght
bulbmoment.

“Well
,nowthatyoumentioni
tIcoul
duseafav
our .I
’
m gr
aduati
ng
thi
syearandIneedahookupwi t
hajobatawell
-payi
ngl
awf i
rm.”
Iseesomeadmi rat
ioni
nhiseyes.

Hehandsmehisphonetoaddmydet ai
ls.Idomoret
hanj
ustt
hat
,
Isendmysel
fanemail
from hi
saccountandsetupsome
remindersonhi sor gani
zer
.WhenIhandhi m hi
sphone,he
reachesforthewadofcashandIswathi shandaway.Hegaveit
tomeandI ’l
l t
akei tasmymot her’
spensionfund.Af
teral
l,
his
father
’sadministrationmadesurethatherpensi
onfunds
amount edtonot hingevenaft
erwor ki
ngasanur sef
orover15
years.

Chatungahast orushsomewher eandhesaysIcanstayand

orderanythingIwantitwi
llbebil
ledt
otheroom.Heleaveswhil
e
I
’mi nthespaciousglassshower.Iwoul
ddieforashowerhead
l
ikethisoneandI ’
m happythatIcandrymyweavewi t
hthefancy
dryerhangingnexttothegigant
icmir
ror.

Foramoment, Ipret
endt hatthisi
smyev erydayli
feandIfli
ng
mysel
font
othebed.I thasbeenmade, IguessChat ungasent
someonet
ocl eanwhi leIwasbat hi
ng.Ifr
antical
l
ysearchforthe
moneyandit
’sst i
l
l t
hereallfi
ftyoftheBenjaminFrankl
innotes.

Ihaven’
thadthi
smuchhar
dcurrencyinfor
everandIai
mtohi
de
i
t,I
’l
luseitt
obuyfor
malwearshouldIfi
ndajob.

Iorderafullfarmhousebr eakf
astandIwatcht heKardashians
whileIwaitfort hem tocomeanddeliver
.Thisistheli
fe.Ienjoyed
l
astnightbutChat ungawasandwi l
lremainacr ushIfi
nall
y
hookedupwi th.Idon’tseemysel
fwithhim besideshi
smot heris
arealpai
ni nt heass.
Iendupst ayi
ngandev enorderinglunchbef or
eIaskt hem tocall
acabf ormedownatt her eception.Nosihasbeenbl owi ngupmy
phoneandI ’
vebeenignoringher .I
’m notyetoverl
astni ghtandal
l
theishthatshepull
ed.I’
m gratefulthathethoughttobuyme
clot
hes,gorgeouscl
othesatt hat.Mycabi shere,Ir
egr etful
l
ylook
aroundtheposhhotelroom bef oreleavi
ng.

Thecabdriv
erlooksf amil
iarIrecal
lwhereIknowhi mf r
om, t
he
sametimerecognit
ionbr i
ghtenshiseyes.Heusedt obei nhi
s
four
thyearwhenIwasi nmyf i
rstandhewasconsi deredacat ch.
Imeantheguywentt otheFrankfur
tInvestmentArbi
trat
ionMoot
Courti
nGermanyoneoft heoldestandmostpr esti
giousstudent
competi
ti
oninthear eaofinvestmentprotect
ionlaw.

Hist
eam broughthomet hesecondpl
acetrophyandwasahuge
deal
.TheyevenhaddinnerwiththePr
esident.Weallt
houghthe
wasgoingplacesandthelastpl
aceIexpectedtoseehim was
behi
ndthewheel ofacab.

“
HiLiber
ty,i
t’
sbeenawhi
l
e.Howar
eyou?Howhav
ethi
ngsbeen
i
ntherealworl
d?”

Thedi
scomf
ortandf
li
rt
ingpai
ninhi
sey
esmakemer
egr
etmy
greeti
ng, Ishoul
dhavepret
endedthatIdi
dn’tnoti
cehim.Iknow
howi tfeelsli
ketobeashamedinfrontofyourpeers.Imar
velat
howhandsomehest i
lli
sandIseehisshoulder
srelaxandhe
strai
ghtenshi sshoul
der
sabit.

Justlikethather elaxesandt el
lsmehowhegotaccept edatthi
s
otherpresti
giousl awf i
rmt hatIcan’
tnameforfearofalawsui
t.
Thingswer eokf ort hefi
rstyearbuthekeptwinni
ngbigcases
andy ethissalar
ywasst il
lthatofaninter
n.Heendedup
embezzl i
ngaTr ustaccountandwi ndedupdisbarr
edforfi
ve
years.

Thelinesar oundhismout handey estel

l t
heirownst or yofthe
str
ugglest hathet r
iestodownplay.If
eel forhim andt hemany
bri
ghtst udentswhol ikemewer eli
edtoandt oldthatbyv ir
tueof
gett
ingint olawschool ”MatovemaLawy erepat awundi kaimi.”
(Youareal readybigshotlawyers)Therestoft hejourneyhet ell
s
meoft hewoesofhi speersandtheblatantexpl oi
tat
ioni nthe
l
egal system ast heshadowscastbyt hetallHar ar
ebui ldi
ngs
l
engthenwi ththesetti
ngsun.

……
Ruby

Lastnightaft
ersobbingmyhear tout,Ibangedontheguest
bedroom dooruntil
myknuckl esbledandTenderodidn’topenthe
doorforme.Idrif
tedi nt
oanuncomf ortabl
esleepatherdoor.I
j
ustwokeupandmynecki sspasming.Istret
chmyself,mywhole
bodyhur t
s.Shedidn’teventhr
owabl anketovermelikeshe
usuall
ydoeswhenwehav eafight
.

Igetat extmessagef r
om myuncl etell
ingmehe’ sonhi swayto
comeandgetme.Not hingfrom Chatunga,Tenderoleftal
lmy
text
satr ead.Igointoherbat hr
oom andalltheti
meswewoul d
haveshowersexorenj oytheshowerheadi nhertubcome
crowdingmymi nd,makingmyhear theavierthanitalr
eadyis.
Tenderoi sn’
tjustmylover,shehasbeenmybestf ri
endsincethe
fi
rstdayofHi ghSchool.

Irememberthef i
rstdaymymotherdr
oppedmeof fatPet
erhouse
Girl
s,Tender
owal keduptomehereyeswidebehi
ndtheglasses,
shewaswear ingthen.

“
HiI
’
m Tender
o,canIbey
ourBest
ie?
”

Ismi
l
edr
eveal
i
ngmybespar
kledbr
acesandf
rom t
hatday
onwardswebecameinsepar
able.Shewasmyf i
rstki
ss,myfirst
ever
ythi
ng,mybestf
ri
end,l
overandt hesist
erIneverhad.I
tfeel
s
l
ikeI’
m mourni
ngherdeat
h.Iknowt hatnothi
ngIcansaywi l
l
changehermind.

Ileavehercar
dandgat epassonthedini
ngroom t
abl
e.Ihugher
favouri
tesweaterwhi
chItookcl
osertomeandIcansmel lher
.I
hesit
atebytheguestr
oom dooranddecidet
osaymypi ece.

“Baby,I
’
m sorrythatIcouldn’tbebraveforyouandforus,y
ouare
ri
ghtyoudon’tdeservetobel ovedintheshadowsandIhopet hat
youwillfi
ndallt
helov eIcouldn’
topenlygiveyouinAust
ral
ia.
Justdomeonel astfavour,
don’teverdoubtthatIl
oveyouwith
everybreat
hthatItake,IloveyouTender oandIhopesomeday
youwillfi
nditi
ny ourhearttoforgi
veme. ”

Thedrivehomeissombr eandunclekeepscheckingonmebutI
don’
tfeell
iketal
king.Icanfeelt
hebiggapi nghol
egrowingwi den
andsuckmei n.I
’m exhaustedemot i
onal
lyandphy si
cal
l
y .Idon’t
evenhavethestrengthtobemadwhenIf indChatunga'
scari n
ourdri
veway.Idragmy selfi
ntothehouseandIf i
ndhim andmy
dadlaughi
ngast heywat chESPN.

Igr
eetmyf
atherandignor
eChatungaevenwhenhestandsupto
hol
dmyhand.Becauseofthi
scharade,
Ihav
etoplay
,Ijustl
ost
theonepersonwhoi
salwaysinmycorner
,what
everl
ustIhadf
or
him hasj
ustpal
edi
ntonot
hingness.

Isi
ghwhenmydoorv i
olent
lyopenswithoutt
hepersonknocki
ng.
I
canfeelmyfat
her
’sr
agewithoutli
ft
ingmyheadfrom mytear-
soakedpil
l
ow.

“Whatwast hat
?”Hehissesi
nbarel
ycont
rol
l
edrage,
Iknowt
hati
f
hi
spreciousChatungawasn’
tar
oundhewouldhavebeen
shout
ing.

“Heki
ssedanot
hergi
rli
nthecl
ubl
astni
ght
.I’
m donewi
th
Chat
unga.
”

Myfat
herroughl
ygr
absmyhandandmakesmesi tupr
ight
,It
ry
t
oyankitawayfr
om hi
m butheonl
yst
rengt
henshi
shold.

“Listentomeandl istenverycar ef
ull
y.Idon’tcareevenifhehad
sleptwi t
hthatgi
rl
,y ouwi l
lsti
lldatehi
m andmakehi m mar r
yyou.
Mywhol eli
fe'
sworki satstakeher e.Thepeopl eareti
redand
theyar eevensayi
ngBi ll
wasabet terPresident,t
heywantnew
bloodandIam goi ngt ogivet hem whattheywantandy ouwill
makemesecur ethatbymar r
y i
ngthatbratandbecomi ngthe
FirstLady.DoImakemy selfclear
?”Inodqui ckl
yevenast ears
spillontomycheeks.
“Nowwi pethoset
ears,
washyourf
aceandgetri
dofthi
sugl
y
thi
ngyouar ewear
ingandcomeandatt
endtoyourf
utur
e
husband.”

Iwanttoscream andr emindhi

mt hatI'
m only18goingon19and
Idon'twantafuturehusbandyet.Butj
ustli
kemyundy i
nglovef
or
Tendero,t
hewor dsarestuckinmyt hr
oatandIcannev erutt
er
them tomyfather.I’
mt r
appedanditfeel
sliketheonlywayIwil
l
befreeisthr
oughdeat h.

Idon’tbothercoveringthebagsundermyey esasIchangeintoa
dressthatIthinkmyf atherwil
lapproveof.Itr
yTendero’
snumber
andwheni tdoesn’
tgot hroughitf
eelsli
kesomeonej ustputt
he
l
astnailtomycof f
in.I’
m deadinsi
debutmyshadowst il
lgoesto
thelounget ojoi
nmyf at
herandmyi ntended.

.
..
..
..

Ahappyweekaheadtoyouallf
ami
l
y.It
ri
edt
omaket
oday
's
i
nser
text
ralongj
ustbecause.

Ifyouwanttofi
ndmybooksi nst
ores,pl
easecheckoutthese
storesf
oryourbooks.Thosei
nBotswana,Namibiapl
easedo
checkwithyourbookst
oresaswel
lift
heydon'thavet
hem ask
t
hem t
oor
derf
rom t
hei
rheadquar
ter
s.

I
fyouwantthem f
rom me,
her
eisal
i
nky
oucanuse,
noaski
ng
meforpdf
splease

ht
tps:
//wa.
me/
c/27620931434

Lov
eandLi
ght

Busi
seki
l
eKhumal
o
Sunshi
neandShadows

Ni
ne

Thef i
rstti
meIgotdr unkandImonument al
l
yfudgedup
everythi
ng.Iholdmyspi nni
ngheadwi
lli
ngtheear thtostop
rotat
ingsoqui ckl
y.Itslowsdownforthesecondi ttakestoget
myf eetont hegroundandt henitf
eel
sliket
het i
lesar eswimming,
almostengul f
ingme.Ipl acemyhandsonmyt huddingheadand
trytowillmybodyt ost andup.

Goingt othebathroom andf

resheni
ngupf
eelsl
ikeamammot h
task.Painst
akingl
yImov ebacktoourr
oom,atl
eastt
hebit
ter
tasteinmymout hhasbeenwashedawaybythemint
ytast
eof
Aquafresh.

Icannotfi
ndanymedicationonmysi deoftheroom soIlooki
n
Vimbai
'scosmeti
csdrawer .If
indsomepai nkil
l
ersanddowna
coupl
e.Onlyt
hendoIf eell
ikeaf uncti
onalhumanbeing.Ionl
y
rememberbit
sandpiecesofl astnight.Af
terVi
mbaiupandl ef
t
mewi t
hherfri
ends,
thingsgotoutofcont rol
.

Irememberdr
inkinganddanci
ngontopoft
het
ables.Idon’
teven
knowhowIgott omyr oom.Myphonei
soff
,wi
thnobat t
ery
.The
momentIputi
tont
hechar
gerandswi
tchi
tonmynot
if
icat
ions
bl
owup.

Messageaf
termessagef
rom Jacobandanunknownnumber
.

“
Howcoul
dyout
ell
thatshi
ttomywi
fe?
”

“
Idon’
tev
erwantt
ohearf
rom y
ouev
eragai
n,l
osemycont
act
s.”

“
HowdoIevenknowt hatbabyismi
newi
tht
hewayy
ouopen
y
ourl
egst
ojustaboutanyone.”

Thattextanger sme, howdarehe? ?He’stheonewhobr okemy

vi
rgini
ty!Memor iesofmecal l
inghi mlastni
ghtcomeinf r
actured
segment s.Atfir
st ,hedidn’
tanswerhi sphonebutIkeptcall
ing,
mycal ll
ogsay sIcal l
edhimthir
ty-sixt
imes.Atsomepoint,Iwas
begginghimt ol eav ehiswi
fesot hatheandoursoncoul dbea
properfamily.Ther ewasascr eami ngmatchandIdrawabl ank.

Ichecktheothernumberandit
’shiswif
ecalli
ngmeallki
ndsof
namesandt ell
i
ngmet hatBabaNetsaiwil
lneverl
eav
eherfora
fl
oozyli
keme.Onecat chesmyattent
ion.
“Doyouthi
nkyouarethefi
rstonetotryandtr
aphi
m wi
thachi
ld?
Youarenotthef
ir
stnorthelastbuthealway
scomeshometo
me…”

Itsi
nksi nthatI ’
vebeenast upid,stupi
dfool.There’sanothertext
from oury outhpast oraski
ngmewhyIdi dn’
tcomet othecrusade.
Ishouldhav ej ustgonet ot
hecr usade.I’
mt r
y i
ngtor espondtomy
pastorwhenast ri
ngofmessagesf rom Jacob'swifecomesi n.
Sher angesf rom insult
ingmet obeggingmet othinkofher
chil
drent hengoesbackt oinsult
ingme.Idel eteallt
hemessages
anddeci det oblockherandherhusband.Howdi dIgether e?

I
’vebeenagoodgi rlmostofmyl ife,Ifoll
owedal ltherulesand
whenIst ar
tedoffwit
hJacobIhadnoi deat hathewasmar ri
ed
whenIf oundoutIhadalreadygi
v enhim myv ir
ginity
.Ishould
haveletgothenbutIlovehim ascr azyast hatseemst oVimbai
,I
genui
nelyloveJacob.Readinghist ext
sr i
ghtnowmakesme
quest
ionwhyIev enlovehim may beIr eal
lyam st upid.

TheheadacheIhadhasgrowni nt
oafull
-bl
ownmigrai
neandIt
ry
cal
li
ngVimbai,
shedoesn’tanswerherphone.I
’
m aboutt
otr
y
agai
nwhenmymot hercal
lsme.

“
Mama.
”
“
Nosi
mnt
anami
unj
ani
?”

I’
m amessbutIonlytel
lherofmymi gr
aineandsheimmedi atel
y
assumesit
’sbecauseIwasstudyi
ngtoohardorwitchcr
aft.She
saysthecl
oserIgett
ograduati
on,t
hemor epeopl
ear el
ikelyto
wanttohurtme.

“Remembery ourcousinThulani
?Wher eishenow?Roami ng
aroundt hestreet
snakedbecauset heybewitchedhim.Praymy
chil
d,pr ayhar
derthany ou’
veeverprayedbecauset hedevi
lis
workingov ert
ime.Myhear tcan’
ttakeanotherdisappoi
ntment,
notwi thyou.Yoursist
erisallt
hedisappoint
mentIcancar ryin
thi
slife.”

Herewego,onceshest
art
stal
ki
ngaboutmysi
ster
,herv
oice
r
isesanoct
ave.

“Aphi
wewi l
lremembermewhenIdi e,Isoldacowf orhertogo
andtryl
ifeeGoliwi
thotherchi
ldren.Ihadmyhopeshi ghand
whatdoesshedo?Al lsheknowsi ssendi nglamavez'
andlebe
akhe(herli
tt
lebastar
dchil
dren)hereev erytwoyears.Iam
exhaust
edNosi hl
e,Ir
aisedyougirlsanddi dmybestwi thnoone
support
ingmesot hatonedayy ouwi l
l t
akecareofmei nmyold
age.NowI ’
m hereelbowsdeepi npooatmyol dage, Aphiwejust
sentanotherchil
dlomal ayi
tshaandthi
sonei sonlytenmont hs
old.Tel
lmewhatdi dIdot odeservet
his?Thechildonlycame
withabagf ul
lofclothes,notevensoaptowasht hecl ot
hes,my
backhasbeenact ingupandnowIhav et ogoandsel lmyeggs
withababyst r
appedonmyback.Whenwi l
lIeverrest?”

Myhear tbr
eakswhenhervoicebreaks,
mymot herusual
ly
complainsaboutmysist
erbuttodayshesoundsbrokenand
resi
gned.Sheletsoutal
ongbreathandIcanhearthechi
ldcry
ing
i
nt hebackground.

“Guguawumuzwaumnawakhoukut hiuyakhala?Mthat
he
ngisakhul
umalomamncanewakho!”(Gugudon’tyouheary
our
sibl
ingcry
ing?Takehi
m,I
’m st
il
ltal
ki
ngtoy ouraunt
!”

Sheholler
satmyniecewhoistwelv
eandIhavet ot
akethe
phonefrom myearwhensheshout
sattheten-
year-
oldnephew
tostopchasi
ngherchi
ckensot
herwiset
heywon’tpr
oduceas
manyeggs.

“AsIwassay i
ng,prayhardmygi r
lI’
m alsopray
ingf
oryou.You
aremyonlyhope, y
ouneedt ograduateandgetagoodj ob
becauseI’
m afr
aidthatifIdi
e,whowi l
ltakecar
eofthesechi
ldr
en?
Atleasti
fIdi
eknowi ngy ouhaveagoodj ob…”
“
Mastopst
alki
ngaboutdy
ing,
youar
enotdy
ingy
ouar
est
il
l
y
oung.
”

“Atther
ateatwhichyoursi
steri
sst
ressi
ngme,Ij
ustmightdi
e.I
f
Ievenseeanotherchi
ldbor
noutofwedlocki
nthi
syar
dagain,my
poorheartwi
ll
justgiv
ein.
”

Myhearti
salmostbeatingitswayoutofmychest
.Ther
ereal
l
yis
nospaceathomeforanot hert
inymoutht
ofeedandIcan’
t
di
sappoi
ntmymot her.Shehassacri
fi
cedsomucht oev
enget
metoUniver
sit
yallonherown.

“Yoursist
erisuselessbutatleastsheagr eedtogetmeanout fi
t
foryourgraduat
ion.Iwantoneoft hoseNi geri
anattir
est
hathave
thosehugef l
amboy anthats.Ial
readyboughtj ustt
heshoesfori
t
l
astweekwhenIwasi nBulawayo, IfounditatKhothamabutyou
canbarelytel
l.I
tlooksasgoodasnew.Youwi ll
domymakeup
angit
hintombi y
ami ?”(ri
ghtmygi rl?
)

Theexcitementandpr i
deinma'
svoicemakesmyhear tburn,I
havetogr aduatecomefir
eorhi
ghwaters.Shecont
inuestell
i
ng
meaboutev ery
thi
nghappeni
ngbackhomebutI ’
m onlypayi
ng
hal
f-at
tention,I
’mthi
nki
ngabouthowIam goingtogetridofthi
s
pregnancy.Ruvi
mbot oldmet hatsheknowssomeonei nMbare
whodoesi t,maybeIshouldtakeherupont heoff
er.Ther
eare
al
readysixgrandchi
ldrenthatmymot herhastocl
otheandfeed,
anotheronewouldbr eakherback.

Afterthecallwit
hmymot her,Itr
yVimbai againandherphone
goesunanswer eduntilIgi
v eup.Icouldreall
yuseaf r
iendri
ght
nowbutofcour se,
she’sbusyhav ingthetimeofherli
fe.Iendup
call
ingRuv i
mboandshet ell
smet ogetready,shewil
lcomeand
takemei nthirt
yminutes.Ihonestlyneedmor esleepbutthi
shas
tobedone.Ibat hwithcoldwat ertotr
yandf orcemybodyt o
functi
on.Byt heti
meRuv imbot extsmet hatshe’sbythefoyer
,I
am alreadydressedandIt akethelastmoneyIhav e.

……

Ialwayswonderwhyt heycal
l Harare,“Sunshi neCi t
y”,
ImeanI
canunder standthatf
rom MountPl easantt oBr ooksbutHarar
e
CBDi sful
l ofshadowscastbyt hetall sky
scr aper sandgets
progressi
v el
ydir
tyasy ouheaddownt ownf rom Rezendet o
Copacabanawher ewehav etoweav einbetweenmahwi ndi
,
kombi sandt hevendorsspi
ll
ingintot hestreet s.

Lucki
l
ywef i
ndthekombitoMbar
ealmostful
l
,what’
sunfor
tunate
i
sthatIhav
et osi
tnextt
osomeoneeat
ingboil
edeggsandalso
endur
eRuv
imbo’
spr
obi
ng.

“Sotel
lmemor eaboutVimbai
'sabor
ti
on,whowasthefat
her
?
Vall
z?”herey
esaregleamingwit
hbarel
yconceal
edgl
eeandI
shruguncomfor
tabl
y.

“
Idon’
tknowwhaty
ouar
etal
ki
ngabout
,”Imumbl
eandherey
es
f
lashwi
thanger
.

“Icanasktobedroppedoffhereandgobackt
oschool,youknow
whatI’
mt alki
ngabout.Weheardyoul
oudandclearl
astnight
,
nowspill
.”Lastni
ghtIwasbit
terandi
thascomet obi
temei nthe
asstoday.

“Honestl
y,Idon’tknowmuchIj ustknowt hatLuciafoundheron
thebathr
oom f l
oorandwhenshescr eamedIwentoutt ocheck
andtherewassomuchbl ood.Iactuall
ythoughtshewasdy i
ng
andIcall
edt hewar den.Itwasonl yaf t
ertheytookhertothe
hospit
althatIheardt hewar denandoneoft hecleanerssayi
ng
thatshehadabor ted.Vimbai nevertalksofthatnight,y
ouknow
howshei saclosedbook. ”

“Mcii
m shethinksshe’
saboveusthatone,
Idon’tseewhatVal
l
z
seesinher.Imeanshe’sj
ustli
ght
-ski
nnedandthatdoesn’
t
automat
ical
lymakeherbeaut
iful
.Didyouseeherlastni
ght
shaki
nghernon-
exist
entbum andleav
ingwithChatunga?Idon’
t
knowwhatthosemenseei nher,
whateverseershegoestomust
bepret
tystr
ong.
”

“Ican’
tbel
i
eveshedi
tchedmel i
kethat
,knowi
ngthatIwasdrunk
andwithnotr
anspor
tmoney.Whatifyouguyslef
tmethere?
”
Ruvimboscof
fsandsett
lesi
ntoherchai
r.

“Vi
mbai andDanaiar
ethesame,j
ustbecausetheyopent
hei
r
thi
ghstotheseri
chmentheythi
nktheworldshouldki
sst
hei
r
asses.
”

Thejourneyseemsshor twit
hRuv i
mbobi tchingaboutDanaiand
Vimbai,Ithi
nkshehast hehotsforValent
ineandIdon’ tbl
ame
her.Theguyi shot.Iusuall
ylovecarameli
sedski nonmenbutI
domakeanexcept ionforValenti
ne.Thedudei sfine,butt
herei
s
nodoubtt hathelovesVi mbaiwhichisbaffl
ingbecauseshenev er
hidesthatshegoesoutwi t
hacer t
ainkindofmenandshecanbe
veryself
-absorbed.Iguessbeingani cechurchgirldoesn’
tpay
anymor e.

Thekombilur
chesoverapotholeandthemurkywaterinthe
pot
holespl
ashesontothewindscr
een,causi
ngthedri
verto
unl
eashastri
ngofcurses.Il
ookoutatthepi
lesofgarbage
dumpedatt hesideoftheroadthatsomepeopl earescavengi
ng
fr
om,itbr eaksmyhear tt
oseeal itt
lekid,
aboutfi
vewithclot
hes
sotat
teredt hathisl
it
tl
eashybut tisexposed,
pickupanappl e
andexcitedlyshowittohisfather.

Thekombi isnowcr awli

ngduet
othesur
geoft
raf
fi
canddri
ver
s
cutt
inginhaphazardly
.Ther
eisal
soamassofbodi
eswal
ki
ngon
thesidesoftheroads.

Igingerl
ytrynott osteponapuddl ewhenwedr opof fbutit
’s
hardbecauset hepuddleissobi gandisf il
ledwi t
hbr own,almost
decay i
ngwat erthatsmellsheavilyofpiss.Wedr oppedof fat
Mbar eMusi kaandasusual ,i
tishummi ngwi thbodiescrashing
together,
v endorstr
yingtoselltheirwares.Far mer sdeli
vertheir
freshcropsev erymor ni
ngandsomet ravel from farawaypl aces
l
ikeMut are,Masv i
ngoandKar ibat oselltheirproduce,Isali
v at
e
atsomeoft heMbambay il
a(sweetpot atoes)andr oastedcor n
thatisbeingt ol
d.

“
Hur
ryupNosi
west
il
lhav
eal
ongwayt
ogo.
”

Ruvi
mbocl earl
yknowsherwayar oundasweweav epastburned-
outfl
ats,
skipov err
undownf ences.Wewal kunt
ilwegettosuch
arust
ygatet hatI’
m conv
incedi tactual
l
yhasTyphoid.Ruvi
mbo
goesinbarel
yl ooki
ngatthebrickf acet
hati
smarredwi t
hsoot.
Therearescr
awnychickensrunni
ngaroundthefi
lthyyar
danda
chi
ld,whosebulgi
ngstomachmakeshi mlookli
kehehas
kwashior
kor,
issleepi
ngwithoutashi
rtonundertheshadeoft
he
smallmangotreeattheothercor
neroftheyar
d.

Themust ysmel lhit

smeasIgeti n,Igagandqui cklycovermy
noseandmout hbef or
eIvomi t.Ruv
imboi sspeakingt oal ady
whol ooksli
keshehasn’ tbathedinweeks.Pubi chairisshowi ng
fr
om underherar mpit
sasshegest uresthattheirwholear ea
hasn’thadwateri ntwoweekssoIwoul dhavet ogoandcl ean
backatschool.Uneasegr ipsmewhenshet akesust other oom
i
nt hebackit’
scl osedbyacur tai
nandst i
ckydropletsofbl ood
covertheunpolishedfloor
.Iam madet ol
ieonabl anketthat
mightbet i
ck-i
nfested.

“
Ruvi
mboI ’
m notsur
eaboutt
his,
let
’sj
ustgo,
”myvoi
cei
sa
whi
ningpl
eaandRuvimbogiv
esmeashar peye.

“Aft
ercomi
ngal
lthi
swayNosi
hle?Comeoni
twi
l
lbeov
eri
na
second.
”

Fearmakesmyt hroatdrywhenIseethel
adytakeoutametal
hangerbeforeuntwisti
ngitunt
ili
t’
sst
rai
ghtt
henmaki ngahook
attheotherend.
“No,youcan’
tinser
tthati
nsi
deme!
”It
ryget
ti
ngupbutRuv
imbo
holdsmedown.

“Iknowthatyouarescaredbutdoyouhavethemoneytobuythe
aborti
onpil
ls?Youknowt heyonl
ysel
li
twithhar
dcurrencynow.
Theydon’tacceptbonds.Orarey
oureadytohav
ethisbaby?”

Idon’thavethemoneybutt hisfeelswrong!Thel adyi

sgett
ing
i
mpat ientandshehi ssest hatIhav etomakeupmymi ndasshe
doesn’thaveallday.Shel eavesusal one,heroncebr i
ghtdr
ess
sweepi ngthedi
rtyfl
oor .Idon’twantt odot hi
s,notli
kethi
sbutI
thi
nkoft helookinmymot her’sfacewhenshef oundsoutI
’m
pregnant,myjuniorpast orandev eryoneelsebackhome.

Iwouldgraduat
ewithahugepr otr
udi
ngbell
ybutnoringonmy
fi
ngerandwhowoul dhi
remet hen?Icoul
daskJacobf ormoney
buthehasmadei tmorethanabundantl
ycl
earthathewants
nothi
ngtodowi t
hmeort hischil
d.

Isayashortprayerinmyhear
tandaskRuv imbot ocal
lthelady
backin.Sheroughlypar
tsmylegs,
herhandsf eelf
orei
gnand
i
ntrusi
veastheygraspatmyinnerthi
ghs.Iclosemyey esandwill
my sel
fnottocryasthemetal
makesi t
swayi nsideme.
“Br
ingthecandlecl
oser
,myeyesaren’twhatt
heyusedt
obe,
”she
snapsatRuvimbowhof umbl
eswit
ht hecandl
eandhotwaxl
ands
onmyi nnert
highcausi
ngmetoyel
pi npain.

Theseari
ngpaini snothingcompar edtot hepainthatalmost
bl
indsmewhent heladyt ugsatmypl acenta.Itryt
omov eand
holdherhandbutRuv i
mbohasmyhandsf i
rmlyinplaceandthe
l
adyslapsmyt hi
ghsunt ilIopenthem wi der.Shetugsagainwit
h
muchmor eforcethistimeandi tfeel
slikesomeonei ssawingmy
stomachintohal
f.Crampsengul fmeandIam l osi
ng
consci
ousnessfrom allthepain.

“I
tisdone,
usepadsandrememberbl
oodwil
lbecomi
ngout
.You
cansitont
hatbucketf
orawhi
leunt
ili
tsl
owsdown.
”

I
tfeel
sli
kemywhol
elowerbacki
sonf
ir
ebutIhadt
odot
his,
I
hadto.

.
..
..
..

Goodmor ni
ng,It
ri
edtomakeitaslongasIcould.Pl
easeshar
e
thispost
,mycompeti
tor
scouldbeony ourti
meli
neandyoucan
alsojoi
nandwinyour
sel
fabrandedt-shi
rtandsi
gnedcopyof
Fal
l
enCandl
ewhi
chhasn'
thi
tthest
oresy
et.

Lov
eandLi
ght

Busi
seki
l
eKhumal
o
Sunshi
neandShadows

Ni
ne

Thef i
rstti
meIgotdr unkandImonument al
l
yfudgedup
everythi
ng.Iholdmyspi nni
ngheadwi
lli
ngtheear thtostop
rotat
ingsoqui ckl
y.Itslowsdownforthesecondi ttakestoget
myf eetont hegroundandt henitf
eel
sliket
het i
lesar eswimming,
almostengul f
ingme.Ipl acemyhandsonmyt huddingheadand
trytowillmybodyt ost andup.

Goingt othebathroom andf

resheni
ngupf
eelsl
ikeamammot h
task.Painst
akingl
yImov ebacktoourr
oom,atl
eastt
hebit
ter
tasteinmymout hhasbeenwashedawaybythemint
ytast
eof
Aquafresh.

Icannotfi
ndanymedicationonmysi deoftheroom soIlooki
n
Vimbai
'scosmeti
csdrawer .If
indsomepai nkil
l
ersanddowna
coupl
e.Onlyt
hendoIf eell
ikeaf uncti
onalhumanbeing.Ionl
y
rememberbit
sandpiecesofl astnight.Af
terVi
mbaiupandl ef
t
mewi t
hherfri
ends,
thingsgotoutofcont rol
.

Irememberdr
inkinganddanci
ngontopoft
het
ables.Idon’
teven
knowhowIgott omyr oom.Myphonei
soff
,wi
thnobat t
ery
.The
momentIputi
tont
hechar
gerandswi
tchi
tonmynot
if
icat
ions
bl
owup.

Messageaf
termessagef
rom Jacobandanunknownnumber
.

“
Howcoul
dyout
ell
thatshi
ttomywi
fe?
”

“
Idon’
tev
erwantt
ohearf
rom y
ouev
eragai
n,l
osemycont
act
s.”

“
HowdoIevenknowt hatbabyismi
newi
tht
hewayy
ouopen
y
ourl
egst
ojustaboutanyone.”

Thattextanger sme, howdarehe? ?He’stheonewhobr okemy

vi
rgini
ty!Memor iesofmecal l
inghi mlastni
ghtcomeinf r
actured
segment s.Atfir
st ,hedidn’
tanswerhi sphonebutIkeptcall
ing,
mycal ll
ogsay sIcal l
edhimthir
ty-sixt
imes.Atsomepoint,Iwas
begginghimt ol eav ehiswi
fesot hatheandoursoncoul dbea
properfamily.Ther ewasascr eami ngmatchandIdrawabl ank.

Ichecktheothernumberandit
’shiswif
ecalli
ngmeallki
ndsof
namesandt ell
i
ngmet hatBabaNetsaiwil
lneverl
eav
eherfora
fl
oozyli
keme.Onecat chesmyattent
ion.
“Doyouthi
nkyouarethefi
rstonetotryandtr
aphi
m wi
thachi
ld?
Youarenotthef
ir
stnorthelastbuthealway
scomeshometo
me…”

Itsi
nksi nthatI ’
vebeenast upid,stupi
dfool.There’sanothertext
from oury outhpast oraski
ngmewhyIdi dn’
tcomet othecrusade.
Ishouldhav ej ustgonet ot
hecr usade.I’
mt r
y i
ngtor espondtomy
pastorwhenast ri
ngofmessagesf rom Jacob'swifecomesi n.
Sher angesf rom insult
ingmet obeggingmet othinkofher
chil
drent hengoesbackt oinsult
ingme.Idel eteallt
hemessages
anddeci det oblockherandherhusband.Howdi dIgether e?

I
’vebeenagoodgi rlmostofmyl ife,Ifoll
owedal ltherulesand
whenIst ar
tedoffwit
hJacobIhadnoi deat hathewasmar ri
ed
whenIf oundoutIhadalreadygi
v enhim myv ir
ginity
.Ishould
haveletgothenbutIlovehim ascr azyast hatseemst oVimbai
,I
genui
nelyloveJacob.Readinghist ext
sr i
ghtnowmakesme
quest
ionwhyIev enlovehim may beIr eal
lyam st upid.

TheheadacheIhadhasgrowni nt
oafull
-bl
ownmigrai
neandIt
ry
cal
li
ngVimbai,
shedoesn’tanswerherphone.I
’
m aboutt
otr
y
agai
nwhenmymot hercal
lsme.

“
Mama.
”
“
Nosi
mnt
anami
unj
ani
?”

I’
m amessbutIonlytel
lherofmymi gr
aineandsheimmedi atel
y
assumesit
’sbecauseIwasstudyi
ngtoohardorwitchcr
aft.She
saysthecl
oserIgett
ograduati
on,t
hemor epeopl
ear el
ikelyto
wanttohurtme.

“Remembery ourcousinThulani
?Wher eishenow?Roami ng
aroundt hestreet
snakedbecauset heybewitchedhim.Praymy
chil
d,pr ayhar
derthany ou’
veeverprayedbecauset hedevi
lis
workingov ert
ime.Myhear tcan’
ttakeanotherdisappoi
ntment,
notwi thyou.Yoursist
erisallt
hedisappoint
mentIcancar ryin
thi
slife.”

Herewego,onceshest
art
stal
ki
ngaboutmysi
ster
,herv
oice
r
isesanoct
ave.

“Aphi
wewi llr
emembermewhenIdi e,Isoldacowf orhert ogo
andtryl
ifeeGoliwi
thot herchildren.Ihadmyhopeshi ghand
whatdoesshedo?Al lsheknowsi ssendi nglamavez'andlebe
akhe(herli
tt
lebastardchildren)hereev erytwoyears.Iam
exhaust
edNosi hl
e,Iraisedy ougirlsanddi dmybestwi t
hnoone
support
ingmesot hatonedayy ouwi llt
akecareofmei nmyol d
age.NowI ’
m hereelbowsdeepi npooatmyol dage,Aphi wejust
sentanotherchi
ldl
omal ay
itshaandt hi
sonei sonl
yt enmont hs
ol
d.Tell
mewhatdi dIdotodeser
vethi
s?Thechil
donlycame
wit
habagf ul
lofcl
othes,
notevensoaptowashthecl
othes,
my
backhasbeenacti
ngupandnowIhav etogoandsell
myeggs
wit
hababystrappedonmyback.Whenwi l
lIev
errest
?”

Myhear tbr
eakswhenhervoicebreaks,
mymot herusual
ly
complainsaboutmysist
erbuttodayshesoundsbrokenand
resi
gned.Sheletsoutal
ongbreathandIcanhearthechi
ldcry
ing
i
nt hebackground.

“Guguawumuzwaumnawakhoukut hiuyakhala?Mthat
he
ngisakhul
umalomamncanewakho!”(Gugudon’tyouheary
our
sibl
ingcry
ing?Takehi
m,I
’m st
il
ltal
ki
ngtoy ouraunt
!”

Sheholler
satmyniecewhoistwelv
eandIhavet ot
akethe
phonefrom myearwhensheshout
sattheten-
year-
oldnephew
tostopchasi
ngherchi
ckensot
herwiset
heywon’tpr
oduceas
manyeggs.

“AsIwassay i
ng,prayhardmygi r
lI’
m alsopray
ingf
oryou.You
aremyonlyhope, y
ouneedt ograduateandgetagoodj ob
becauseI’
m afr
aidthatifIdi
e,whowi l
ltakecar
eofthesechi
ldr
en?
Atleasti
fIdi
eknowi ngy ouhaveagoodj ob…”
“
Mastopst
alki
ngaboutdy
ing,
youar
enotdy
ingy
ouar
est
il
l
y
oung.
”

“Atther
ateatwhichyoursi
steri
sst
ressi
ngme,Ij
ustmightdi
e.I
f
Ievenseeanotherchi
ldbor
noutofwedlocki
nthi
syar
dagain,my
poorheartwi
ll
justgiv
ein.
”

Myhearti
salmostbeatingitswayoutofmychest
.Ther
ereal
l
yis
nospaceathomeforanot hert
inymoutht
ofeedandIcan’
t
di
sappoi
ntmymot her.Shehassacri
fi
cedsomucht oev
enget
metoUniver
sit
yallonherown.

“Yoursist
erisuselessbutatleastsheagr eedtogetmeanout fi
t
foryourgraduat
ion.Iwantoneoft hoseNi geri
anattir
est
hathave
thosehugef l
amboy anthats.Ial
readyboughtj ustt
heshoesfori
t
l
astweekwhenIwasi nBulawayo, IfounditatKhothamabutyou
canbarelytel
l.I
tlooksasgoodasnew.Youwi ll
domymakeup
angit
hintombi y
ami ?”(ri
ghtmygi rl?
)

Theexcitementandpr i
deinma'svoi
cemakesmyhear tbur n,I
havetogr aduatecomef ir
eorhighwater
s.Shecont
inuest ell
i
ng
meaboutev ery
thinghappeni
ngbackhomebutI ’
m onlypay i
ng
half
-att
ention,I
’mt hi
nki
ngabouthowIam goingtogetridoft hi
s
pregnancy.Ruvimbot oldmethatsheknowssomeonei nMbar e
whodoesi t,
may beIshouldt
akeherupont heof
fer.Thereare
al
readysixgr
andchi
l
drenthatmymotherhast
ocl
otheandf
eed,
anotheronewoul
dbreakherback.

Afterthecallwit
hmymot her,Itr
yVimbai againandherphone
goesunanswer eduntilIgi
v eup.Icouldreall
yuseaf r
iendri
ght
nowbutofcour se,
she’sbusyhav ingthetimeofherli
fe.Iendup
call
ingRuv i
mboandshet ell
smet ogetready,shewil
lcomeand
takemei nthirt
yminutes.Ihonestlyneedmor esleepbutthi
shas
tobedone.Ibat hwithcoldwat ertotr
yandf orcemybodyt o
functi
on.Byt heti
meRuv imbot extsmet hatshe’sbythefoyer
,I
am alreadydressedandIt akethelastmoneyIhav e.

……

Ialwayswonderwhyt heycal
l Harare,“Sunshi neCi t
y”,
ImeanI
canunder standthatf
rom MountPl easantt oBr ooksbutHarar
e
CBDi sful
l ofshadowscastbyt hetall sky
scr aper sandgets
progressi
v el
ydir
tyasy ouheaddownt ownf rom Rezendet o
Copacabanawher ewehav etoweav einbetweenmahwi ndi
,
kombi sandt hevendorsspi
ll
ingintot hestreet s.

Lucki
l
ywef i
ndthekombi t
oMbarealmostful
l
,what’
sunfor
tunate
i
sthatIhav
et osi
tnexttosomeoneeat
ingboil
edeggsandalso
endur
eRuvimbo’spr
obing.
“Sotel
lmemor eaboutVimbai
'sabor
ti
on,whowasthefat
her
?
Vall
z?”herey
esaregleamingwit
hbarel
yconceal
edgl
eeandI
shruguncomfor
tabl
y.

“
Idon’
tknowwhaty
ouar
etal
ki
ngabout
,”Imumbl
eandherey
es
f
lashwi
thanger
.

“Icanasktobedroppedoffhereandgobackt
oschool,youknow
whatI’
mt alki
ngabout.Weheardyoul
oudandclearl
astnight
,
nowspill
.”Lastni
ghtIwasbit
terandi
thascomet obi
temei nthe
asstoday.

“Honestl
y,Idon’tknowmuchIj ustknowt hatLuciafoundheron
thebathr
oom f l
oorandwhenshescr eamedIwentoutt ocheck
andtherewassomuchbl ood.Iactuall
ythoughtshewasdy i
ng
andIcall
edt hewar den.Itwasonl yaf t
ertheytookhertothe
hospit
althatIheardt hewar denandoneoft hecleanerssayi
ng
thatshehadabor ted.Vimbai nevertalksofthatnight,y
ouknow
howshei saclosedbook. ”

“Mcii
m shethinksshe’saboveust hatone,Idon’tseewhatVal l
z
seesinher.Imeanshe’ sj
ustli
ght-
skinnedandt hatdoesn’t
automati
call
ymakeherbeaut iful
.Didy ouseeherl astni
ght
shaki
nghernon- exi
stentbum andleavingwithChat unga?Idon’
t
knowwhatt hosemenseei nher,
what everseershegoest omust
beprett
ystrong.”
“Ican’
tbel
i
eveshedi
tchedmel i
kethat
,knowi
ngthatIwasdrunk
andwithnotr
anspor
tmoney.Whatifyouguyslef
tmethere?
”
Ruvimboscof
fsandsett
lesi
ntoherchai
r.

“Vi
mbai andDanaiar
ethesame,j
ustbecausetheyopent
hei
r
thi
ghstotheseri
chmentheythi
nktheworldshouldki
sst
hei
r
asses.
”

Thejourneyseemsshor twit
hRuv i
mbobi tchingaboutDanaiand
Vimbai,Ithi
nkshehast hehotsforValent
ineandIdon’ tbl
ame
her.Theguyi shot.Iusuall
ylovecarameli
sedski nonmenbutI
domakeanexcept ionforValenti
ne.Thedudei sfine,butt
herei
s
nodoubtt hathelovesVi mbaiwhichisbaffl
ingbecauseshenev er
hidesthatshegoesoutwi t
hacer t
ainkindofmenandshecanbe
veryself
-absorbed.Iguessbeingani cechurchgirldoesn’
tpay
anymor e.

Thekombi lur
chesoverapot hol
eandt hemur kywat erinthe
pothol
espl ashesontothewindscreen,causingthedr i
verto
unl
eashast ri
ngofcurses.Il
ookoutatt hepil
esofgar bage
dumpedatt hesideoftheroadthatsomepeopl earescav engi
ng
fr
om, i
tbr eaksmyhear tt
oseeal it
tlekid,aboutfi
vewi thclot
hes
sotatt
eredt hathisl
it
tl
eashybut tisexposed,pickupanappl e
andexcitedlyshowittohisfather.
Thekombi isnowcr awli
ngduet
othesur
geoft
raf
fi
canddri
ver
s
cutt
inginhaphazardly
.Ther
eisal
soamassofbodi
eswal
ki
ngon
thesidesoftheroads.

Igingerl
ytrynott osteponapuddl ewhenwedr opof fbutit
’s
hardbecauset hepuddleissobi gandisf il
ledwi t
hbr own,almost
decay i
ngwat erthatsmellsheavilyofpiss.Wedr oppedof fat
Mbar eMusi kaandasusual ,i
tishummi ngwi thbodiescrashing
together,
v endorstr
yingtoselltheirwares.Far mer sdeli
vertheir
freshcropsev erymor ni
ngandsomet ravel from farawaypl aces
l
ikeMut are,Masv i
ngoandKar ibat oselltheirproduce,Isali
v at
e
atsomeoft heMbambay il
a(sweetpot atoes)andr oastedcor n
thatisbeingt ol
d.

“
Hur
ryupNosi
west
il
lhav
eal
ongwayt
ogo.
”

Ruvimbocl earlyknowsherwayar oundasweweav epastburned-

outfl
ats,skipov errundownf ences.Wewal kunti
lwegett osuch
arustygatet hatI’m convi
ncedi tactuall
yhasTyphoid.Ruvimbo
goesinbar el
yl ookingatthebrickf acethati
smar redwit
hsoot .
Therearescr awnychi ckensrunningar oundthefi
lthyyar
danda
chi
ld,whosebul gi
ngst omachmakeshi mlookli
kehehas
kwashior
kor ,issleepingwithoutashi rtonundertheshadeofthe
smallmangot reeatt heothercorneroft heyar
d.
Themust ysmel lhit
smeasIgeti n,Igagandqui cklycovermy
noseandmout hbef or
eIvomi t.Ruv
imboi sspeakingt oal ady
whol ooksli
keshehasn’ tbathedinweeks.Pubi chairisshowi ng
fr
om underherar mpit
sasshegest uresthattheirwholear ea
hasn’thadwateri ntwoweekssoIwoul dhavet ogoandcl ean
backatschool.Uneasegr ipsmewhenshet akesust other oom
i
nt hebackit’
scl osedbyacur tai
nandst i
ckydropletsofbl ood
covertheunpolishedfloor
.Iam madet ol
ieonabl anketthat
mightbet i
ck-i
nfested.

“
Ruvi
mboI ’
m notsur
eaboutt
his,
let
’sj
ustgo,
”myvoi
cei
sa
whi
ningpl
eaandRuvimbogiv
esmeashar peye.

“Aft
ercomi
ngal
lthi
swayNosi
hle?Comeoni
twi
l
lbeov
eri
na
second.
”

Fearmakesmyt hroatdrywhenIseethel
adytakeoutametal
hangerbeforeuntwisti
ngitunt
ili
t’
sst
rai
ghtt
henmaki ngahook
attheotherend.

“No,youcan’
tinser
tthati
nsi
deme!
”It
ryget
ti
ngupbutRuv
imbo
holdsmedown.

“
Iknowt
haty
ouar
escar
edbutdoy
ouhav
ethemoneyt
obuyt
he
abor
ti
onpil
ls?Youknowt heyonl
ysel
litwi
thhar
dcur
rencynow.
Theydon’
tacceptbonds.Orarey
oureadytohav
ethi
sbaby?”

Idon’thavethemoneybutt hisfeelswrong!Thel adyi

sgett
ing
i
mpat ientandshehi ssest hatIhav etomakeupmymi ndasshe
doesn’thaveallday.Shel eavesusal one,heroncebr i
ghtdr
ess
sweepi ngthedi
rtyfl
oor .Idon’twantt odot hi
s,notli
kethi
sbutI
thi
nkoft helookinmymot her’sfacewhenshef oundsoutI
’m
pregnant,myjuniorpast orandev eryoneelsebackhome.

Iwouldgraduat
ewithahugepr otr
udi
ngbell
ybutnoringonmy
fi
ngerandwhowoul dhi
remet hen?Icoul
daskJacobf ormoney
buthehasmadei tmorethanabundantl
ycl
earthathewants
nothi
ngtodowi t
hmeort hischil
d.

Isayashortprayerinmyhear
tandaskRuv imbot ocal
lthelady
backin.Sheroughlypar
tsmylegs,
herhandsf eelf
orei
gnand
i
ntrusi
veastheygraspatmyinnerthi
ghs.Iclosemyey esandwill
my sel
fnottocryasthemetal
makesi t
swayi nsideme.

“Br
ingthecandlecl
oser
,myeyesaren’twhatt
heyusedt
obe,
”she
snapsatRuvimbowhof umbl
eswit
ht hecandl
eandhotwaxl
ands
onmyi nnert
highcausi
ngmetoyel
pi npain.
Theseari
ngpaini snothingcompar edtot hepainthatalmost
bl
indsmewhent heladyt ugsatmypl acenta.Itryt
omov eand
holdherhandbutRuv i
mbohasmyhandsf i
rmlyinplaceandthe
l
adyslapsmyt hi
ghsunt ilIopenthem wi der.Shetugsagainwit
h
muchmor eforcethistimeandi tfeel
slikesomeonei ssawingmy
stomachintohal
f.Crampsengul fmeandIam l osi
ng
consci
ousnessfrom allthepain.

“I
tisdone,
usepadsandrememberbl
oodwil
lbecomi
ngout
.You
cansitont
hatbucketf
orawhi
leunt
ili
tsl
owsdown.
”

I
tfeel
sli
kemywhol
elowerbacki
sonf
ir
ebutIhadt
odot
his,
I
hadto.

.
..
..
..

Goodmor ni
ng,
Itr
iedtomakeitaslongasIcould.Pl
easeshar
e
thispost,
mycompet i
tor
scouldbeony ourti
meli
neandyoucan
alsojoi
nandwi nyour
sel
fabrandedt-shi
rtandsi
gnedcopyof
FallenCandl
ewhichhasn'
thi
tthestoresyet.

Lov
eandLi
ght

Busi
seki
l
eKhumal
o
Sunshi
neandShadows

Ten

Idecidedt omakeaqui ckstopandbuysomet oil

etr
iesintheBon
Mar che,toi
let
ri
esInev ercompr omi
sebutgr oceri
esIwi l
lgoand
buywi thNosihletomorr owatMuhammadMoosa.Li bertyagr
ees
towai tformewhi leIgrabaf ewthi
ngsandIt hinkI’
l
l al
sobuy
takeaway .Aft
erthescrumpt iousmeals,Ihadtoday,myst omach
willnotaccepttheunder cookedorovercookedr i
ceintheDH.

Myl i
pspur
seasIlookattheLil
-l
etstamponsthatt
heydecideto
stacksohi
ghup.I’
m cont
emplatingaski
ngsomeonet oassist
whenahandattachedtoawell-
tonedarmreachesoverandgrabs
twoboxesofLi
l-
let
ssuperplusandtwopanty-l
iner
sboxes.

Iwoul dknowt hatar

mi nmysl eepandhi ssmellf
il
lsmynostr
il
s
andt hankf
ullyI’
m well
-sat
edot herwi
seIwouldbemaul i
nghim
ri
ghther ei
nt hi
saisl
e.Heput sthem inmybasketobviousl
y
pleasedwithhimselfandIwantt oaskhimtotakethenormalf
it
j
ustt owipethatI'mugsmi r
koffhi sface,
butt
hatwouldbe
shoot i
ngmy selfonthefoot.

“
Taf
adzwa,
I’
m begi
nni
ngt
othi
nkHar
arei
stoosmal
lforbot
hof
us.
”Hi
swhit
et eet
hcomeouti nal
lthei
rgl
oryandIwon’
tli
ethey
makemyheartbeatdi
ff
erent
ly.

“Youknowy ouwoul ddieifanythingwer etohappentomeso

dropt hi
sact,
”Iam sti
llsear
chingf orasmar tr
etortwhenhepi
cks
upBi odermacleanser
,Rosewat erspr ayandtonerandalso
throwsitinmybasket.Idecidet olethim cont
inueandseehow
het r
ipshimsel
fup.

I’
m ashamedf i
vemi nuteslaterwhenhehasallmyt
oiletr
iesinmy
basketri
ghtdownt othechocol at
esandpainbl
ocksthatcomei n
handywhenI ’
m experienci
ngcr ampsandperi
odsnausea.I’v
e
beenquietl
ywat chi
nghi m andhehasbeenconcent
ratingonhis
self
-appoi
ntedtask,notsay i
ngawor d.

Thi
sf eel
sli
keoldti
meswhenhewoul dtakemetoil
etr
yshoppi
ng
andwegr adual
lyf
oundoutwhichpr
oductsworkformeand
whichdon’t
.Backthenweusedtogoofaroundandhewould
i
nsistonputti
ngmei nat
rol
leyli
keI
’
m aki dandpushmearound.

“Di
dIleaveany
thing?
”thecorkybast
ardaskswithhisteeth
barr
edinawinninggri
n.Ir
oll
myey esathim andthatonlymakes
himlaugh.
“Thankyou,
Ihav
etogonowIhav
eat
axi
wit
hamet
err
unni
ng
outsi
de.
”

Itrytotakemybasketf r
om hi m buthet ightenshi
sgri
ponit,
i
gnor i
ngmeandmar chesov ertot hetil
ls.Ifoll
owwhil
emaking
facesbehi ndhisbackandst ickmyt ongueoutwhenhecal l
sme
onmyj uv enil
ebehav iour.I
’
mt akingoutmoneywhenhest opsme
andhandst hecashierhiscar d.Moneyl ov esmet hi
sweekend.
Afteralongspel l
ofbei ngbr oke,I’m happy .

“Soyouarelett
ingChat
ungahiti
tnow, t
hatspoi
ltbrat
?What
happenedto‘Ionl
ydomen, r
ealmen'?”Thesneerinhi
svoi
cehas
repl
acedal
lthecorkypl
ayful
nessthatIl
oveabouthim.

Myeyeswidenunti
lmymi ndreachesaEurekamoment .Ruvi
mbo.
Ofcour
se,shehasalr
eadytransmit
tedthenewstoTafadzwaina
val
i
anteff
ortt
ogethim backbyherside.Thatbi
tch.Whatanger
s
memostisthedisdai
ninTafadzwa'seyes.

“WhoandwhatIl ethi
t“it
”isnoneofy ourbusi
nessVal
enti
ne,
”he
hatesitwhenIcall
him byhisfi
rstname.Iy ankmyplast
icsf
rom
hi
shandandt urntowardsLiber
ty’scarewit
hTafadzwahotonmy
heels.
“
Idon’
tgeti
t,Vee,
whatdoeshehav
ethatIdon’
t?”

Theabil
it
ytobreakmyhear t,
Ithi
nkbutdon’tdaresayoutl oud.I
j
ustconti
nuewalkingunti
lhepull
smej ustbefor
eIst epintothe
pathofacarpull
ingoutofthecarpar
k.Myhear tisthuddingout
ofmychestfrom thenearacci
dentaswellashisclosepr oximi
ty.
Thisi
swhathappenswhenev erI’
m ar
oundTaf adzwaandIj ust
needitt
ostop.

“Vimbaihowmanyt imesdoIhavet
osaysorr
yunti
lyoureal
i
z e
thatI’
m grownnowandal l
Iwanti
syou?”Hi
seyesaresi
ncerebut
Ijustcan’
tall
owmy sel
ftogodownthatr
oadagai
n,I
’vebeen
throughitacoupl
eoftimestoomany.

“Whotol
dyouaboutChat
unga?
”Ichal
lengehi
minst
eadand
suddenl
yhewi
lll
ookever
ywher
eelsebutatme.

“Thefactthatyouar esti
l
lopent otheli
kesofRuvimbomakesme
knowf orsurethatyouhav en’
tgrownorchanged.Youarest
il
la
boyravell
ingintheirat
tenti
on.Idon’twantt
ogodownt hi
sroad
agai
nwi thyou,itneverendswellforme.Nowpl easel
etmego.”

Defeat
edbythest
eelinmyvoice,hel
etsgoofmyarm andt
his
ti
meIlookl
eftandri
ghtbef
orecrossi
ngovert
oLiber
tywho
grat
eful
l
ydoesn’tmakeacomment .Iwon’
tall
owTafadzwato
rui
nmyf eel-
goodweekend.Il
ockawayallt
heemoti
onsthatour
confr
ontat
ionisthr
eat
eningtobr
ingfor
th.

WhenwegettoSwintonIhandLibertya$100not
eandt el
lhimto
buyhi
ski
dssomethingnicewit
ht hechange.Imi
ghthavelost
hi
m somecust
omerswhi l
ehewai tedformeandIdidn’
tgetto
usei
tontoi
l
etr
iesasIint
endedto.

I’
m surpri
sedtof i
ndourr oom l
ockedwhenIt r
ytopushi twithmy
foot
.Ifumbl eforthekeysinmybagandf ortunat
ely,
Icar r
ied
them wit
hmel astnight
.IgetinandI’
m annoyedwhenIhav eto
putmyt oil
etri
esawayandIr eali
zethatNosiwentthroughmy
stuf
f.Icantellbecausethepil
lsarenotwhereIusuallyputthem.

I
’m doneunpackinganddeci detost
udyabitsi
nceI’m al
lal
one
withnothi
ngtodo.I ’
m zonedoutwhenI’
m dist
urbedbyaknock
ont hedoor.I
’
m surprisedwhenIfi
ndTafadzwaoutsi
dewi t
h
takeoutbagsfrom GreatWall.

Isuckinmybr eath, Tafadzwaismaki ngall

thi
ssodamnhar d.
TheGr eatWalli
st hef ir
stplacewewentoutt oonadatewhenI
tol
dhimt hatIhadn’ ttastedChinesefoodandIdidn’
tgetwhatal
l
thefusswasabout .Het ookmet oAv ondal
eandgotusourown
pri
vateroom.Themoodwasambi entandbecauseitwasa
pri
vat
eroom Iwasn’
tshyt
oadmi
tthatIdon’
tknowhowt
oeat
usi
ngchopst
icks.

Tafadzwaorderedal i
tt
lebitofever
ythi
ngandwesharedwhil
e
teachi
ngmet ohol dthechopsti
cksproper
lyandeatwi
thout
droppi
ngany t
hing.Itwasfunandhemademel aughsohardI
almostchokedonaneggr oll
.

“OrderedSi
zzli
ngchickenwit
hEggfri
edriceandsomeeggroll
s,
tr
ynott ochokeonthem too.
”Hisvoi
ceisnottheusual
conf
ident
barit
onethatIl
ove,hesoundssubdued.

“
Taf
adzwa…”hecut
sinbef
oreIcansayany
thi
ng.

“I
t’
sjustf
oodVimbai
,Ineedyout
oeatbet
ter
.Iknowy
ouwoul
d
havegonetobedonjui
ce.”

“Youdidn’thavetogosof ar
,youcouldhavej
ustboughtsome
pizzainBelgrav
ia,
”Iarguewhileopeni
ngthebagandthe
tantal
i
z i
ngsmel lmakesmyst omachmusclescl
ench.

“
Twal
umbawasinAvondal
eandIaskedhimtopi
ckupthef
ood.
Nowst
opov
eranal
ysi
ngthi
sandeatbefor
eyoufoodget
scol
d.”
He’ssay i
ngtheri
ghtwordsbutheisn’tlooki
ngdeepi nt
omyey es
andImi ssthati
ntimacyt
hatmakesi tseem li
keit’
sonlythetwo
ofusi ntheworl
d.Ihughim andforamomenthet enses,befor
e
sighi
ngandhuggi ngmeback.Thehugf eel
sli
kehomeandatt he
samet ime,i
thasmyhear tbeati
ngal i
tt
letooloudl
y.Ibreakoff
thehugwhenmysubconsci ousremindsmet hatwithTafadzwa
alli
ttakesisahugf ormetofall
pregnant.

“
Thankyou.
”Ismi
l
eathi
m andhi
sey
essof
tenj
ustl
i
keIknew
t
heywould.

“Aren’ty
ougoingtoapologi
zeforshout
ingatmeear
li
er?
”the
teasingarr
ogancei
slacinghiswordsagai
nandIl
aughasI
attempttopushhim outofmyroom.

“
Goodby
eVal
ent
ine.
”

Hislaughbouncesoffthewal l
sandI ’
m surethewholewingcan
hearhim,Icl
oset hedooronhim andcl osemyey esabittr
yingt
o
conj
urehiswarm hugagai n.Hisheatcombi nedwithhi
scologne
i
saheadycombi nati
on.Iputsomei nal unchboxforNosi
hleandI
di
gin.
.
..
..
.

It
’sget
ti
ngcl
osert
o7andNosi
isst
il
lnowher
etobeseen,
letme
call
her.

“Hel
l
o,”av
oicethatdoesn’
tbel
ongt
oNosi
say
saf
tert
hephone
hasbeenr
ingi
ngforever
.

“Hel
lo,mayIpleasespeakt otheowneroft hephone,”thereisa
l
ongsi l
enceont heotherendandthenthelady,I’
m assumi ngit
’s
aladybecauseoft hehighpit
chedvoi
cest art
stalkingveryfast
andIcan’tr
eall
ycat cheveryt
hingt
hatshe’
ssay ingbutshe’s
tal
kingaboutblood,hereyesi
ghtandIonlycatcht hetai
lendof
whatshe’ssayi
ng.

“…azvi
nakumbomiramushekani
,kur
umidzaimuzomut
ora.
”(i
t
doesn’
tlookgoodatal
l
,hur
ryandcomegether.
)

I
ttakesanothertwomi nut
estoascert
ainthatNosihl
eisinMbare
andinverybadshapeandIneedt ogethertot hehospi
tal
.My
hear
tisthuddingoutofmychestandmymi ndi sscr
ambledfora
whil
e.WhydidNosi hl
egot oMbare,wheredoessheev enknow
Mbare?Ohno!Theonl ythoughti
sthatshemi ghthavegonether
e
totr
yandabor t.
WhodoIcal l
whohasacar ?Andwhowi ll
bediscr
eet?ThankGod
ItookLi
bert
y'
snumber .Hetell
smet hathe’
sfi
vemi nut
esaway.I
scrambl
earoundlookingfort
hemoneyIhadhi dden.It
akeout
$400foranyt
hingthatmightneedpayment.

Itakeablanketandsomecl ot
hesandt oi
let
ri
esforNosihle,she
l
ostalotofbloodaccordingtot heladyandshemi ghtneedt obe
admitt
ed.Irefusetoenter
tai
nt hethoughtofherdying.Ican’t
evenbegintot hi
nkaboutNosihledy i
ng.

Liber
tycal
lstosayhe’
soutsi
deandbl esshissoulheknows
someshortcutstoMbareandhe’sspeedingther
ewhenIt el
lhi
m
whathappened.WhenwegettoMbar eMusi kaIcal
lNosihl
e'
s
phoneagai
nandt hel
adydir
ectsustoherhouse.

I’
mt oowoundupt oevencringeatthedil
apidatedst
ateofthe
housewepar kedinfr
ontof.Thereisnoelectr
icit
ysoit
’sdarkand
thedoorisopenedbyal adywhosmel l
ssobadandhol di
nga
candlet
hatlooksli
keit’
saboutt of
ini
shatanymomentnow.I
tur
nonmyt orchandtr
yt oblankoutt
heshabbyandf il
thystat
eof
theroom.

Al
i
ttl
echi
l
dwi
thabi
gheadandpr
otr
udi
ngbel
l
yisst
ari
ngatme
blankl
ywithoutt
hevi
gourandexci
tementofanormal,heal
thy
chil
d.Shetell
smetofol
lowherandIcantel
lthatshe’
spanicked,
Ihurrybehi
ndher.

Not hi
ngcoul dhavepreparedmef orwhatIseewhensheopens
thecur t
ain.Nosihl
eisslumpedont hefloori
napool ofherown
bloodandt hereisabucketnextt oheralsowit
hbloodstai
nsand
clotti
ngblood.It
’sli
keIjuststeppedint
ooneoft hose
slaughterhousesinmov i
es,I’
mr oot
edinonespotandIcan’ tev
en
fi
ndt heener gyt
oscream.

Thewomanbeckonsf ormet ocomebutf earhasmademel ose

myabili
tyt owal k.Nosihl
e'sfai
ntcrypropelsmef or
wardandI
rushtoher .Herbodyi sburningupandshei sshi
ver
ingeven
thoughar oughbl anketprobablyl
ice-
infestedi
scoveri
ngher.Her
pulsei
sv eryfaintandsheaski ngforwat er.

Itel
lherthere’
swat erinthecar
.Iaskt hewomant oexplai
n
exactl
ywhathappenedandwhenshehedgesIt hr
eatentocallt
he
poli
ce.WhenIst artdial
li
ngshest opsmeandadmi tsthatshe
perf
ormedanabor ti
ononNosi hlebutthatshemighthave
puncturedsomet hi
ngsheshoul dn’thavewit
hahangerandt hen
Nosihlestar
tedlosingtoomuchbl ood.

Thegi
rlwhobr
oughtNosi
hlewentoutont
hepr
etextofgoi
ngt
o
getacart
ofetchNosihl
ebutshehasn’
treturnedsince.Iaskf
or
thenameofthegi
rlandshesayshernamei sMaria.Mar i
a?I
don’
tknowanyMariaandnoneofNosi'sfr
iendsisMar ia.

IaskNosi whoMar iaisandsheonlywhimpersherresponseIcan

tel
lthatshe’sinalotofpai
nandIwi shIcoul
dtakesomeoft he
painawayf rom her
.Thedressshehasoni spl
aster
edt oherbody
byami xt
ureofhersweatandblood.Iaskthewomant odescri
be
thi
sMar i
aformeandshei ssti
llt
ryi
ngtodescri
beherwhenwe
areinterr
uptedbyaknockont hedoor.

It
’sLiber
tyandhei
sjustasshockedasIam butatl easthepicks
herupandwhenI ’
m abouttofol
lowt hem outthel
adystopsme
anddemandsherpay ment.It
ell
hert hatshe’l
lbel
uckyifIdon’
t
call
thepoli
ceonherandshebet terpraythatmyfr
iendliv
es.

ThenIseetheli
tt
leboyandIfeelbadsoItakeoutal
lthebond
notesi
nmybagwhi chamountt o50bondsandIgivethem t
oher.
Hergreedyandeagerhandssnapthem upandtheydi
sappear
i
ntoherbosom.Idon’thaveanyti
meforher.Myfri
endcouldbe
dyi
ng.

.
..
..
.
Goodmorningfam,sor
ryI
'
m abitl
ate.Ihopeyouhadanamazi
ng
weekendandthaty
ourcomingweekwillbej
ustasamazi
ng.

Pl
easegrabyourwineglassandtunei nt
otheSal
aamediapageI
wi
llbeLi
vethereat12.
30t odaydiscussi
ngLol
a'
sHeartandall
myotherbooks.Herei
st hel
ink.

ht
tps:
//www.
facebook.
com/
sal
aamedi
a/
Sunshi
neandShadows

El
even

“Whereto?
”Liber
tyaskswhenIgeti
ntot
hecarandIr
ackmy
brai
ntry
ingtofi
ndoutwhocanhelpus.

Goi
ngt oagovernmenthospi tal
wil
l notonl
ygetthepolice
i
nvol
v edbuti
salsoanut t
erwasteoft i
meandNosi hl
ewi llsur
ely
di
ebef or
esheget sserved.ThenIrememberAr chi
e,adoct orI
dat
edaf t
erTafadzwa.Hehel pedmewi t
hthemiscarri
ageandhe
wouldcheckuponmeaf t
erwardsandwehi ti
toff.Thef i
rst
marri
edguyIwaswi t
h.It’
scloseto8andIknowhi ssurgery
cl
osesat8.Icallhim andthankGodheanswer s.

“ThelovelyVee,
it’
sbeenawhi l
esowhatdoIowethepl
easur
e?”I
clearmyt hr
oatbecauseIgottear
ywhenIpl
acedmyhandon
Nosihle'
ssweatriddenfor
ehead.She’
ssl
owl
ysli
ppi
ngawayand
thatscaresme.

“
Archi
eIneedy ourhel
p,myf
ri
endi
sinv
erybadshape.Ineed
y
ourhelp,
please.”
“Vi
mbaithatsoundsseri
ous,
whydon’ty
out
akehert
othe
hospi
tal
?Ihavejustl
eftt
hesurger
y.”

“Ican’
tAr
chi
eandy ouhavetohelpme,youneedt ohelpmeorI
sendyourwi
fet hev
ideo.
”Ihol
dmybr eathpray
ingthathedoesn’
t
callmybl
uff
,therei
snov i
deobutIj
ustreal
lyneedhimt ohel
p.

“Meetmeinthesurger
yin5minutes.
”Hebarkst
hroughthe
phoneandi
mmedi atel
yhangsup.Ihat
etodothi
s,Archi
eisa
real
l
ysweetguybutNosihl
ecannotdieonme.

Wegett ot hesurgeryt enmi nuteslaterandNosi hl

eisdel i
ri
ous,
shekeepsapol ogi zi
ngt ohermot herandmi st
akesmef orher
sist
er.Ikeepgivingherwat erandwi pingherbr owwi t
hawet
towel.Wef indArchie’scaronl yinthepar kinglotandt hatisgood.
Thef ewerpeoplewhoar einvolvedinthis,thebet t
er.IhelpLibert
y
l
iftNosihl
ef rom thebackseatandIcr i
ngeatt hebloodl ef
tont he
l
eatherseat .Li
bertyassur esmet hatit
’sfine,hewi l
lcleanup.

Weputherinthegur
neythatArchi
ebroughtoutandhef
eel
sfor
herpul
se.Hel
ooksatLiber
tybeforel
ookingatmeandcl
ear
shis
thr
oatandsay
inguncomfort
ably,

“
Wher
eisi
t?”he’
sref
err
ingt
othev
ideot
hatImadeupandIt
ryt
o
makemyf
aceasbl
ankaspossi
ble.

“You’
llgetitoncewear edonewiththi
s,”InodmyheadatNosihl
e
andhesi ghs.Hewant stosayalotbuthecan’twithLi
ber
ty
around.Hesl i
psint
odoct ormodeandhi stonebecomesbri
sk
andprofessional
,IfeelbadforwhatI’
m abouttoaskofhi
m.

“
Whathappenedher
e?”Icontemplat
ewhethert
oli
ebutIowehi
m
t
het
ruthatl
east.Hi
sreact
ionisexactl
ywhatIf
ear
ed.

“NoVi
mbai,noIcoul
dlosemyli
censeoverthi
s.Heck,Icanget
arr
est
ed.Youknowaborti
onsar
eil
legal
.Iwantnopartinthi
s.”

“PleaseAr chie,pl
ease.Ican’tl
etherdie.Sheisherf
ami l
y’
sonly
hope.Please. ”Ibeg,thr
eaten,cryandbegagainuntilhe
grudginglyacceptstohel pandhet ell
smet ostri
pherwhilehe
changesi ntohisscrubs.Whenhe’ sdonehet ell
smet ogoand
changei ntoscrubsaswel l
.WhenIl ookathim dumbstr
uckhe
snapshi sf i
ngersatme.

“Ti
mei softheessenceVimbai
Ineedanur
seandy ouwil
lhav
eto
do.Besides,t
hefewerpeopl
ewhoknowthebet
terchanceswe’
ll
havenott ogotopri
son.
”
Hehasapoi ntandIunwil
li
nglychangeintoscrubsandhe
i
nstructsmeonhowt osaniti
zeandal soster
ili
zi
ngt hekni
fe
thi
ngiesthathe’sgoi
ngtoneed.Iwat chashei nject
sherwith
somet hi
nghesay swil
lhenumbherar oundthecer v
ixareafr
om
thepainsincehedoesn’thaveanyanaest het
icstoputherunder
.

Hepl acesherlegsinsti
rr
upsl
i
keduringtheti
meIhadmywomb
cl
eaned.Heasksmet ocomeupandholdherheadandt r
yto
keepherf r
om springi
ngupandmakinganyunnecessar
y
mov ement .Hestr
esseshowimpor
tantitist
hatshedoesn’t
suddenlyjump.

Itrynott
olookashef eelsf
orwhat everhe’sfeeli
ngforinher
stomach,heshinesali
ghtint
oherv aginaaswel l
andhisfacehas
growngrave.Myheartplummet sbutIr efusetogiveuphopejust
yetandhesighsashecont emplateswhatt odo.Iwatchashe
placessomethi
ngdownt herethatlooksl i
keaclampandhe
keepsmut t
eri
ngtohimselfhowt hebl oodisnotmakingitany
easier
.

Hechangesglovesandexplai
nstomethathe’sgoi
ngtousea
cannul
atosucti
ontheexcessiv
ebloodsothathecanhavea
bett
erl
ookatheruterusandseewhatdamagehasbeendone.

Idon’
tunder
standwhathe’ssayi
ngbutI’
mjusthopi
ngthathewi
ll
beabl
etostopthebleedi
ng,I’
m af
rai
dthatshehasl
ostwaytoo
muchbl
ood.Icanbar
elyseewhathe’
sdoi
ngnow.

Afterwhatf eel
sli
keageshecomesupanddumpst hebloody
cannul aandtakesanot
herl
ong,spoon-shapedinstr
umentand
goesbacki nbetweenNosi'
slegs.She’
snotmov i
ngevenalit
tl
e
andt hatmakesmepani cunt
ilIfeel
forherpulse.I
t’
ssti
l
l t
here
eveni fit
’sweak.

“I
'
m goingtohavetoremoveherut
erus,
theli
ningisdamaged
beyondrepai
r.I
fIdon’
ttakei
toutt
heuteri
nebleedi
ngwon’t
stop.
”

“Whatdoesthatmean?
”I’
m scar
edoft
heanswerandt
hel
ooki
n
hi
sfacesaysital
l.

“I
'
mr emovingherwomb, shewon’
tbeabl et
ohav ekidsagainbut
I
’l
lleaveherov ari
esandf al
lopi
antube.
”Idon’
tunder standthe
l
astpar tofwhathe’ssay i
ngbutIunderst
andt hatNosihlewil
l no
l
ongerhav eawombatsuchanear lyage.Ar
chi etel
lsmet here’s
noot herwaytost opthebleedi
ngandwecan’ tgetanyconsent
fr
om Nosi ,sheissli
ppinginandoutofconsciousness.

“
It
’sdone,
”Ar
chi
esayswit
haflatv
oiceaf
terwhatf
eel
slike
f
orever
.Iwat
chhi
m cl
eanherupandheassuresmethatthe
bleedingwil
lstopshor
tl
y.Heisonl
ywor
ri
edt
hatshehasn’
t
regainedherconsci
ousnessy
et.

Iremov emyscr ubsandtheenormi

tyofwhatwej ustdidmakes
myl egsweakandIhav etositdownandplacemyheadi n-
betweenmyl egs.Idon’
tunderst
andwhyNosi hlewouldgo
throughthisr
iskandnowshehasl ostherwombat22.Thepoor
stateofthathouseandthesmellarefor
everetchedinmymi nd.

“
Howdi
ditgo?
”

Li
ber
ty'
svoicestartl
esmeandIl ookuptofi
ndhi
mlookingdown
atmeinconcern.Ithoughthehadlef
tbynowandIcheckthe
ti
meit
’sal
mostmi dni
ght.Isi
ghandshrug.

“
Hehadt
oremov
eherwomb.
”

Iseehim closehisey esandheslumpsdownnexttomeandIf eel

bett
erhavinghim hereev ent
houghheshouldbehomewi thhis
famil
y.Het el
lsmehecal l
edhi
swi f
eandexplai
nedtoherthatan
emergencycr oppedup.Hesay shecoul
dn’
tleaveuswithout
knowingforsur ethatwewouldbeok.
“Iwishshehadn’
tdonewhatshedid.Iwi
shshehadwait
edf or
met ocomeback.Iwoul
dhav egott
enherthepi
l
ls.
”Thelastpart
ofthatsent
encecomesoutchoked.

Thiswholeor dealisremindingmeofwhatIwentt hr
ough.The
emptinessIfeltafter
wards, Iwouldn’
twishthatfeeli
ngonmy
worstenemy .Itcouldhavebeenwor se,
mysubconsci ous
assuresme, atleastIsti
l
l havemywombi ntact.Icanst i
l
lhave
chi
ldr
eni fIwantt o.Nosi
hl ewon’thavethatchoiceany more.

Ihav esomemi ssedcal lsfrom myf at

her ,I
’l
lcal
lhi
mi nthe
mor ning.Wear ewai t
ingf orAr chi
etofinishandcomet ell
uswhat
todonow.I ’
m exhaust edandal lt
hehappi nessIwasf eeli
nghas
dissolvedint
oexhaust i
onandgui l
t.May beIshouldn’thave
i
gnor edhercalls,ifIhadn’ twewoul dnotbeher erightnow.I
woul dhavetalkedheroutoft hatdumbi dea.Ishutdownt hat
tr
ainoft hought,forallintentsandpurposesNosi hleisanadul t
andshemadeherchoi ceswhi chl
edherher e.

Whyar
eyoust
il
lup?
-at
extf
rom Taf
adzwa

Thi
nki
ngaboutst
uff
-r
esponsesent
.Seenandhe’
sty
ping

Whatki
ndofst
uff
.
Iconsi
derly
ingtohi
m butdecidetogiv
ehim ahalf
-t
ruth.Wehave
neverr
eall
ytal
kedaboutitbefor
e.Hecamet othehospit
altosee
meandIaskedhi mtoleave,Iwastooangr
yathim andIblamed
himformyloss.Oneofthereasonswhywedi dn’
tworkout.

I
’
mt hi
nki
ngofmymi
scar
ri
age-seen.He’
sty
ping,
pause,
he’
s
t
ypi
ngagain.

I
’m sor
ryyouhadt ogothrought
hat
,hewoul
dhavebeentur
ning3
yearst
hisyear
.IfIhadn’
tmessedup,y
ouandhi
m wouldsti
l
lhave
beenmine-Taf
adzwa

Iti
swhatiti
s-I
’
m ov
ert
hisconv
ersat
ionandIdon’
tgetwhyhe’
s
sti
l
lty
ping

Don’
tdot
hat
,youal
way
sshutmeout
.Il
ostababyt
oo.
-Taf
adz
wa

I
’m abouttorespondt
ohim whenAr chieshout
ingmynamestops
meandIt hrowmyphoneint omypur sewhil
eIrusht
ohim.If
ind
hi
m wor r
iedl
yfeeli
ngNosi
hle’spul
se.

“
Shel
ostt
oomuchbl
ood!What
’sherbl
oodt
ype?
”theur
gent
pani
cinhisvoiceismakingmepani ci
ntur
n.Tear
sfi
l
lmyey
esas
asurgeofhelplessnessgoest
hroughme.

“
Idon’
tknow,
letmecal
lhermot
her
.”

Myhandsar eshakingasIfumblethr
oughmypur se,Ican’tfind
thephoneIjustt
hrewinmoment sago.Ifinal
l
yfindi tanddi alher
mother.Shedoesn’
tanswerthefir
stti
meandIdi al againand
whenhersleepyvoicecomesonI ’
m abouttospeakt oherwhen
Archi
egrabsthephonef r
om me.Hegoesoutwhi letalki
ngt oher
andIgot owhereNosihl
eislyi
ng.Shelookssost i
ll
,toostillandit
makesmecheckherpul seonherwr i
stwhenIcan’ tf i
ndit
, Icheck
herneck.

“
Archi
e!Ar
chi
e!Ican’
tfi
ndherpul
se,
Ican’
tfi
ndherpul
se!
”

Ifeell
i
keI’
m goi
ngcr azyandAr chi
ecomesinwit
hapintofblood
andpushesmeoutaski ngLibertyt
orest
rai
nme.Ihaven’
tprayed
i
nal ongti
mebutIf i
ndmy selfpray
ingsi
l
entl
ythr
oughmysobs,
Godpleasedon’
tletherdie.

.
..
..
..
..
..
..
Goodmorni
ngfami
l
y ,Igotani
nboxaski
ngmet oaddFr
idayto
myposti
ngday
s.Fr
idayisthebonusi
nsertdaybuty
ounever
shar
eenought
ogetthebonus.

300shar
es=bonusi
nser
tonFr
iday
.

Ihopet
hatcl
ear
sthatup.

Enj
oyt
her
estofy
ourweek.

Lov
eandl
i
ght

Busi
seki
l
eKhumal
o
Sunshi
neandShadows

Twel
ve

IfIcl
osemyey estight
lyenough,IcanhearNosi hl
e’smother
screami
ng.Iknowt hatdesol
at escream ofl
osingtheoneyou
l
ov eonl
ytoowell.Iwasniney earsoldwhenmymot herdi
ed.I
remembermyf atherhadtolieandsayIwast welv
ef ormetobe
all
owedtoseeheronherdeat hbed.

Thebedswer epackedtoocl
osetoeachotheri
ntheProv
inci
al
HospitalandIscrunchedmyli
tt
lenoseattheodourcomi
ngfrom
theladyinthenextbedbecausemyf at
herswatt
edawaythehand
Iusedt ocovermynose.

Mymot herhadshr unktoahol l

owversi
onofheroldsel
f,herskin
ashyandl i
kecrackedinsuchamannert hattheski
nonher
mout hl
ookedlikeitwascomi ngoff
.Shestil
ltr
iedt
osmileev en
thoughitcameoutl ooki
nglikeagri
maceandherey eswatered
andturnedint
oanev endeeperred.

“Mommycan’ tfi
ghtthepainanymoremyangel.Itr
ied,
”aboutof
coughi
nginter
ruptedherandmyf at
herrushedtohandhera
towelt
hatshestuffedoverhermouthandtri
edtohidethe
bl
oodst
ainsf
rom mebutmyqui
ckgazecaughton.

“Ireal
lytr
iedtofi
ghtsothatIcanseemysmar tbabygrowbutI
fai
ledbaby .Mommywant ssomucht owatchyougr ow.Youare
soexcept i
onal
,doyouknowt hat?Mybr i
l
li
antgirl
.”Herhands,
theyfeltl
ikecl
awsthenbutIstil
lleanedi
ntothem asthey
brushedmyhai randcradl
edmyf ace.

“Youwillgr
owintoanexceptionaladvocate,Iseeitfr
om thef
ire
i
ny oureyes.I
’
m sopr oudofyou.I
’m sorryInev ert
oldyouthi
s
enoughbutalwaysknowt hatmamai spr oudofy ou.Takecar
eof
yourfat
herformeok?Ineedy outobest rongformommyand
don’tgi
veyourteachersanyprobl
ems.Cont i
nueshini
ngmyl i
tt
le
star
.”

Shewaswheezi
ngwhenshefi
nishedandmyfat
hernudgedme
r
emindi
ngmetosaymygoodbyesjustaswedi
scussedathome.

“
Ilov
ey ou,
mama, Idon’
twantyout
ogo.Please,tel
lGodI’
l
lpass
moreandIwil
lbeagoodgirlj
ustpl
ease,
tel
lhim nottot
akeyou
j
ustyet
.Ineedyou,mama.”

Thatwasnotthegoodbyespeecht
hatmyfat
herhadcoachedme
tosaybutIwasn’
treadyt
osaygoodbyet
omymot her.Ev
en
thoughseeingheri
npainhur
tmebutatl eastshewasst
il
lther
e
andshel i
stenedwhenIt
oldheraboutwhathappenedt
omeat
school.

“Vi
mbai!
”myfat
herwasreadytober
atemebutmymot
herput
herhandov
erhi
s,pl
acat
ingl
y.

“I
t’
sok,Shumba.Pl
easegoandgetmesomebananas, these
onesarenowtoobrown.”Myfathercouldneverarguewit
hmy
motherandwhenheleftusr
eluctant
ly,shebeckonedmet ocome
cl
oser.

“I
t’
soktobescaredmygi r
l,I
’
m scaredtoo.Whatdi
dtel
lIt
odo
whenyouarescaredofthedarkness?
”Hervoicewasal
ways
pati
ent
,al
wayslovingev
enwhenshewasscol di
ngme.

“
YousaidIshoul
dpr
ayandholdontomyrosar
y,”i
thel
pedthat
t
herosar
yglowedani
ll
uminat
edli
megreenint
hedarkness.

“Good,nowwheneveryouneedme, j
ustprayandhol
dther
osar
y
andI’
ll
bether
ewi t
hy oumylove.Okay?”

Ri
ghtnowI
’
m hol
dingt
her
osar
yti
ght
,it
’spl
ast
icbeadshav
e
weatheredt hestormsI’vebeenthroughandt heysti
llglowi nthe
dark.Ir
ubt hem andpr ayforNosihl
eandf ormymot her,Ineed
hernowmor ethanI’
veeverneededherbef or
e.IneedNosi hleto
l
ive,notjustformebutf orArchi
eandhi spractice,
forLibertyand
hi
sf amil
y .IneedhertolivesothatIcanfulfi
lmymot her’
s
dreamsofmebecomi nganadv ocate.

Ididn’
tevendaredream ot
herdreamsbecauseIwant edtomake
mymot herproud.EvenwhenSisterJankar
aencouragedmet o
takeupsciencesinA-l
evel
becauseIhadpassedsowel l
inal
lmy
subject
s.Iref
usedbecausemymot heronthedayshediedsai
dI
wasgoi ngtobecomeabr i
ll
i
antadv ocat
e.

Iev ent
uall
ydidsaymygoodby eseventhoughIwassobbing
throughout,Isetherfr
eeandmyf at
heralwayssayssheheldon
untilshewassur ethatIhadlethergo.EventhoughIknewshe
wasdy i
ngIstil
lscreamedinagonywhent heywer el
oweri
ngher
coffintotheground.Iscreameduntilmyaunt,mymot her
’sl
it
tl
e
sister,
yankedmyar m anddraggedmet othebus.

“Stopthi
snonsenseVi mbai
,noamountofscr
eamingwillbri
ng
herback.Yourscreamswi l
lonl
ymakehersoulr
estl
ess.Now
wipethoseeyesandl et
’sgobackandgiv
eyourmotheraf i
tti
ng
sendoff.
”Iguessthatwasherfir
stdut
yasmystep-mother,Ij
ust
didn’
tknowitthen.
Knowingt hepai
nthatIf el
tevenafterwatchingmymot hersuff
er
andsay i
nggoodby e,Ican’
timaginethepai nthatNosi
hle's
suddenpassingwillbelikeforhermot her.Shekeepscal l
i
ngandI
j
ustletmyphoner ing.WhatdoIt ellher?Iknownot hi
ngf orsur
e
my sel
f.Li
bert
yclearshisthroatandIliftmyheadupt ol ookat
hi
m.

“Idon’tmeantobei nsensitiv
e,butwhathappensifshedies?I
can’taff
ordanymor ebr usheswiththel
aw.Thisismysecond
yearandI ’
m savi
ngupsot hatwhenmybari slif
ted,Icanopen
myownl awfirm orconsultati
on.
”

Ihearhi
sworr
iesandtheyareval
i
dbutIcan’
tthi
nkofanyt
hing
ri
ghtnow.Mymindisblankandheav
ywithsadnessand
for
ebodi
ng.

“
I’
ll
makesur eyouar
enotimpl
icat
edi
nal
lthi
s,”Imakeapr
omi
se
t
hatI’
m notsur
eIwil
lbeablet
okeep.

Idon’twanttodrowni nthewhat-
ifsbutIcanimaginetheki
ndof
pai
nt hatNosi’
smot herwil
lgothrough.Ihav
enev ermetherin
personbutoverthey ear
swespeakont hephoneandshe’sas
cl
oset oamot herf
igureasitgetsforme.Everyopeningday
Nosi
hlecomeswi thsomefoodorsomet hi
ngmadeformebyher
mother.Onceitwasawholeknitj
erseywit
hamatchi
nghat
.Ist
il
l
wearthem everyt
imeitget
sreall
ycold.

Archi
ecomesoutl ooki
nglikehe’scarryi
ngtheweightofthe
wholewor l
donhi sshoulders.Hesighsandsitsonthechair
opposit
eus.Iwantt oshakehi mf oranswersbuthelooksli
ke
he’sbeenfighti
ngmonst ersallni
ghtlongandthisi
sallmydoing.
Heshoul dbespendingtheweekendwi thhi
swi f
eandf amil
ybut
he’sheretr
y i
ngtosaveNosi hle’
slif
e.

“I
nallmyy ear
spr act
isi
ngIhavenevercomeacrosssomet
hing
l
iket
his.Lucki
ly,
herbodydidn’trej
ectthebl
oodsonowwewai t
.
She’
snotoutoft hewoodsy etbutI’
m hopef
ul.
”

Hope.That’
sal l
Ineed.Reliefwashesthr
oughmybody .Idon’
t
knowhowIwasgoi ngtobef i
neifshedi
ed.Archi
easkst ospeak
tomei npri
vateandIfoll
owhi mt otheconsult
ati
onroom where
Nosihl
eissleepingpeacefull
yunawareoftheturmoilt
hatshehas
thr
ownusal li
nto.Thereisnowsomecol ouronhercheeks,shei
s
nolongerdeathlypal
e.

“CanIhavet
hevi
deonow?”Hisvoicei
sterseandr
esentf
ul.I
don’
tblamehim,
itwasashi
tt
ythingtothr
eatenhi
m wit
h.
“
Ther
eisnov
ideo,
”Iadmi
thangi
ngmyheadi
nshame.

Iexpecthimt oexplodei
nangerbutwhenIl ookupIseehim
pinchingthebr i
dgeofhi
snosewithhisforef
ingerandt
humb.An
awkwar dsilencehangsoverusandit’
sonlybrokenbyhi
ssighof
reli
ef.Iguesstheaddedpressur
eofhiswifefindi
ngoutabouthi
s
i
nf i
delit
ywasal soaddi
ngtotheburdensthatwereonhis
shoulders.

“I
’m sor
ryt
hatIl
ied,
it’
sjustthatIwasv
erydesperateandIdidn’
t
knowwhoel set
ogot o.Thatseemedli
ketheonlythingIcoul
ddo
atthatt
ime.
”

“
It
’sok.She’
sluckyt
ohav
eaf
ri
endl
i
key
ou.
”

Ishoul
dhaver ecordedhim sayingthatandplayittoNosi when
shewakesup.Wechatabi t,catchingup.Hisfi
rstbor
ni snowin
boardi
ngschool andhiswifef i
nal
lycamebackf rom theUKand
theywereworkingont hei
rrelati
onship.Ar
chiei
sn’tabadguy
whenwehadt heaf fai
r,hi
swi fewasawayandhegotl onel
yI
guess.

Theywer
ejustst
ucki
napl
acewher
eal
otofourpeopl
efi
nd
themsel
vesin,seekinggr
eenerpast
ureswhil
ethei
rrel
ati
onshi
ps
godowni nshambles.Howdopeopl einl
ong-
dist
ance
rel
ati
onshi
psdoi t?

…….

Thesuncameupwi thNosihl
ewakingupandlookingaroundher,
di
sori
ented.Iwanttohugheratthesametimesl apthestupi
dit
y
outofherhead.Nowt hatshe’
sawakethefearthatgri
ppedmeal l
ni
ghtisrepl
acedwi t
hanger.Whatwasshet hi
nking?Iwasonly
goneadaycouldn’tshewaitanot
herday?Whot hefuckisMar i
a?

“
Vimbai
?”hear
ingherv
oicef
il
lsmewi
thr
eli
efbutIst
rai
ght
enmy
f
ace.

“Whatwer
eyouthi
nkingNosihle?Doy ouknowthaty
oucoul d
have,
noyouwouldhavediedifIdidn’tcomet ofi
ndyou?”She
l
ooksweakli
keshe’
saboutt oburstintotearsanymomentnow
butahar
shtonei
sallthatseemst ogett hr
oughherthi
ckskull
.

“MayIpl easehav ewater

.”Herpit
eousv oi
cemel l
owsmyanger
somewhat ,
itsi
nksi nt
hatshedidn’tdi
eandIdi dn’
tlosemylegal
careerbeforeitevenbegan,Archi
ewon’ tl
osehisli
cense,Li
bert
y
willgethissecondchanceandhermot herwi
llsti
ll
hav ea
graduati
ont oattend.
Igoouttolookf
orwaterandal soinform Ar
chieandLibert
ythat
she’
supandaskingforwater.Theyar ebothrel
ievedandLiber
ty
goesouttowashhiscar.Archi
egiv esmeabot tleofspr
ingwater
.
Thenasksmeaquest i
onI’m notreadytodeal with.

“
Hav
eyout
oldher
?”

HowdoIt ell
myf r
iendthatshelostherwombandwi
ll
nev erbe
ablet
ohav echi
ldr
enf r
om herownwomb?HowdoIt ellherthat
onestupi
dmi st
akehascosthersomuch?HowdoIl ookheri n
theeyesandtel
lherthatsheisnowbar r
en?

“Youarethedoct
or,y
outellher.
”Idon’
twaitf
orhimtoargueIgo
withthebot
tl
eofwaterandIf i
ndherfaci
ngthewindow,t
ears
gli
steni
ngonhercheeks,
leakingfr
om thecor
nerofhereyes.

Iplacet hewat ernexttoherandItakeherhand,Ihel

pherupand
Icanj usttell
thatshe’sinimmeasurablepai
n.Ihelpherdri
nkthe
wat erwithast rawandt hatonl
ymakeshersobuncont rol
l
ably.
Shekeepsapol ogi
singforbei
ngabadf ri
endandawhol elotof
rumbl i
ngt hatIcan’thearbecauseofhersobbi
ngandhur r
ied
speech.
Archi
ewalksinwhi
l
eshe’scry
inghyst
eri
cal
lyandl
ooksatme
withaquest
ioni
nhisey
es,Ishrugmyshoulder
stoshowthatI
havenoideawhati
sgoi
ngoni nhermind.

“
You’
vet
oldher
?”t
hatquest
ionmakesNosi
hlest
opcr
yingand
l
ooki
ngf
rom Ar
chi
etome.

“Toldmewhat ?”Ihol
dherhandandnodatArchi
etogoahead
andbr eakthenewst oher.Hereal
l
ydoesn’
twanttotel
lherbutI
wantt obet hebearerofbadnewsevenl
esssoIwaitforhi
mt o
clearhisthr
oat.

“HiNosi hl
e,I
’m DrArchieandy est
erdaywheny ouwerebr ought
herey ouwereinreall
ybadshape.Youwer ebleedi
ngnon- stop
untily
ourbodywenti ntoshock.WhenIl ookedatthecauseoft he
bleeding,If
oundthaty ouruteruswasdamagedhor ri
blyand
swelli
ng.Itri
edtocleani tupasbestasIcould.ButIcouldn’tstop
thebleeding.WhatI’
mt r
y i
ngtosayisthatIhadtoremov ey our
wombt ostopthebleedingot her
wiseyouwouldhav edied.”

Shelooksatmef orconfi
rmationandInodmyheadsadl yand
watchast hewor l
dcrumblesar oundher.She’
sgraspingmyhand
tootight
ly,Ican’
tfeelt
hecirculat
ionofbloodtomyf i
ngersand
she’
swai l
ingasifherwhol ewor l
dhasended.Inasensei thas,
all
theinnocencehasbeenwi pedawayf r
om herwit
ht hatone
mist
akeandIcanj
ustt
ell
thatNosi
hlewi
l
lnev
erbet
hesame
agai
n.

Evenwhenshehasst oppedcr yingandseemscalm,ther

eare
shadowsbehindherey es.Shadowswhi chhi
deuntel
labl
epain,I
knowit’
stooearlytoaskherwhatshewentt hr
oughbutIcantell
fr
om hereyesthatshe’sbeent ohell
andback.Thedamagehas
beendoneandunf ort
unatelyforher,
itcan’
tbeundone.

.
..
..
..
..

Goodmor ni
ngf amil
y,onav er
age3000womendi ef
rom mater
nal
mortal
itypery eari
nZi mbabweandoneoft heleadi
ngcausesis
backdoorabor ti
ons.Reachouttosomeonebef oreyoucanmake
ali
fe-t
hreateningchoice.Andifyoumadesuchachoi cedon'
t
beatyourselfup,ourchoicesdon'tdef
ineus.

Hav
eanamazi
ngweekend,
seey
ouMonday
.

Lov
eandLi
ght

Busi
seki
l
eKhumal
o
Sunshi
neandShadows

Thi
rt
een

Thesunisnottakinganyhostagestoday,Ihavebarel
ywal kedten
yar
dsfrom SwintonandIcanfeelmyar mpitsperspi
re.I
fitwas
j
ustalectureIwouldhaveavoidedi
tbutIhav etomeetupwi t
h
myadvisor.Shecall
edmet ocomet odiscussmydi sser
tation
bef
orethef i
nalsubmissi
on.

Luckilymydi sser
tati
onpassedt heplagiarism test,whatwasI
thi
nkingofchoosi ngat opicunderpropertyLaw?I t’
sbeenan
i
nterest i
ngstudy,l
ookingi nt
otheri
ghtsofZi mbabweanwomen
toaccessagr i
cul
tur
allandont hebasisofequal it
ywi thmenand
i
nt heirownr i
ghtregardlessofthei
rmar it
al status.Itmakesme
sopr oudt oknowhowmanywomenar efightingf orthei
rpor
ti
on
ofthel and.

Ihavejustcrossedt
heroadandabouttowal kthr
oughthest
aff
carparkwhent heshadeofanumbrel
lamer ci
full
ycover
sme.The
grat
it
udedi esinmyli
pswhenIfi
ndTaf adzwagr i
nni
ngdownat
me.

“
Youj
ustdon’
tgi
veup,
doy
ou?Si
ncewhendoy
ouownan
umbrel
la?
”Mydryquest
ionsseem t
ot i
ckl
ehim noend,
whoever
tol
dthi
sguyt
hathe’
scharmingshouldn’
thav
e,nowhe’sful
lofi
t.

“Ij
ustaskedthosepar
tonesst
andi
ngther
etoborrowmethei
r
umbrell
a,Ican’
thavemyQueensuf
fer
ingfr
om sunbur
norworse
heatstr
oke.”

Sureenough,thereisagroupofpartonegir
lsmakinggooglyey
es
athim andgiggl
ingundertheshadeoftheGreatHall
.It
’shi
s
charmt hatIf
earmost ,
it’
sdeadl
y.Likenow,he’
scarr
yingmy
bookswhi l
eholdingouttheumbrel
laforme.

“
Whydidyoustoprespondingt
omyt exts?Ithoughtwewer epast
y
ouignori
ngme.”Hesoundshur tandIremembert hatwewer e
t
alki
ngaboutmymiscarri
agebeforeIhadthatscarefrom Nosi
hle.

“Ihadtost
udyandthatt
opicwasmakingmelosefocus.”
Nosihl
e'st
raumai
snotmi net
otel
l.Whenshe’
sready,shewi
l
l
choosewhoshewant st
osharei
twith.

“Wi
lly
ouev erf
orgi
vemef orwhathappened?”It
rynott
olookat
hi
m becausehisquest
ionimmediat
elybroughtt
ear
stomyey es.
“
Canwenottal
kaboutt
hisnow,
Ihav
etobement
all
ypr
epar
ed
f
ormymeeti
ngwithChi
hera.
”

HesighsbutI’
m gl
adhedoesn’
tpersi
stbutthenhegoesonwit
h
hi
stheoryofhowChiher
aissoupti
ghtbecauseshehasn’
tgot
ten
l
aidi
nal ongti
me.Isnor
tmylaughanddecidetoteasehi
m abit
.

“Soyouthi
nkyoucanofferheryourcommunal peni
sandher
upti
ght
nesswil
lmagical
l
ydi sappear?
”Hegetsthejokeandhi
s
warmlaughwashesovermemaki ngmefeel
lighter
.

“
Asamatt
eroffact,
Ido.Thi
scommunal
peni
shasbeenknown
t
ohol
dimmeasurabl
emagic.
”

Wet henstartar
guingabouthowsuccessfulwomenlikeChi
hera
areautomatical
lyassumedt obeupti
ghtandinneedofaman.IfI
hadhalfherachievements,Iwouldl
i
neupacl osetwi
thvi
brat
ors
andlivehappil
yeveraft
er,alone.

Tafadzwaar guesthatever
yoneneedscompani onshipthatit
’s
notjustaboutwor kandaccompl ishment s.Wegobackandf ort
h
unti
lwer eacht heLawFacultystairsandhei nsi
stsonget tingme
somet hi
ngt oeatwhi l
eIwaitforChi her
at ocome.Pr otest
ingisa
wasteofbr eath,soIfoll
owhimt ot helawt uck-
shop.
Thereisasmal lqueueandwef indRuvimboatthebackoft he
l
ine.Hersmi l
eisplast
icandIremembert hatI’
m st
andingwi t
h
Tafadzwaandshehast hehotsforhim.Tafadzwaisn’
tpay i
ngher
anymi nd,hekeepsfussingovermeandIj ustwantChiheratoget
herealready
.Ruv i
mboclearsherthroatwhenTafadzwast ar
ts
ki
ssingmyneck.Iwantt otel
lhi
mt ostopbutit’
ssot i
ckl
ishIcan'
t
helpbutlaugh.

“
Umm,
Vimbai
,howi
sNosi
?Issheok?
”

Mybodyi
mmedi
atel
ygoescol
dandIgi
veheracol
dlook.

“Whywoul
dn’
tshebeok?”Shecl
earsherthr
oatagai
ncl
ear
ly
uncomf
ort
abl
eyetshetr
iestol
aughitof
f.

“Imeanshewaspret
tywastedwhenwedroppedherof
fFr
iday
night
.Ihadt
ohal
f-
carryhert
oyourroom.
”

Breathe,
youar eoverr
eacti
ng.Itr
ytocalm mybreathingand
smileatherbutIstil
lfeell
i
kethere’
smoretoherquest i
on.
Ruvimbohasal waysbeennosybutmay beI’mjustbeingparanoi
d.
Itel
lherthatsheusedt hewholeweekendtorecuperateandshe’
s
fi
nenow.Butt hetr
ut hisIl
efthersl
eepi
nginourroom.

She’
sst
il
lweakandnotqui
teov
ert
hewhol
eor
deal
.Imadesur
e
sheateandtookheri
ronsupplementsforherbl
ood.Ruvimbo
smil
esagainbutt
hereissomethingoffwit
hhersmile.Fi
nal
ly
,she
i
scall
edtomakeheror derandIremainwiththi
sidi
ot.

Afterwear edonebuy i
ng,hegotmesamosas, LaysandaMi nute
Mai dpulpy,wemov etotheledgej ustundert
het r
eerighti
nfront
ofthef acul
ty.Theconversati
oniseasy goi
nguntilheasksmei f
I’
m goinghomet hi
sEaster.Tafadzwai soneofthefewpeople
whom Iopenedupt oaboutt hesit
uationathome, howIalways
feelli
keI’mintrudi
ngontheirfamilyunitsoIavoidhomeasmuch
asIcan.

Iusedtoli
eandsayschool
sopenedamont hbef
oretheydi
d.
Fort
unatel
y,myst
epmotherknowsnot
hingaboutcol
l
egeandmy
fat
herwouldonl
ylooksadbuthewoul
dn’tdi
sput
emycl ai
ms.

“I
’m notgoi
ng,I’
l
lbeherecatchi
nguponmyschoolwor
k,”Iwat
ch
Tafadzwabit
ehislowerli
p,asignt
hathe’
saboutt
oaskfor
somet hi
ngstupi
d.

“Si
nceyou'
l
lbearounddoy oumindbei
ngmypl
usonef
ort
he
SRCtri
ptoKari
bathisweekend?
”

Tot
heSRC,
I’
m unof
fi
cial
l
ythei
rfi
rstl
adyandt
hat
’sbecauset
hei
r
presi
dentalwaysinsi
stsont aki
ngmeashi splusonetot
hese
galasandIusuall
ytagalongbecausei t
’sanamazingwayto
networkwithallt
hosepolit
icalpeopl
e.I
t’sal
waysbeenar
ound
Hararethoughandnev erovertheweekend.Howwouldour
sl
eepingarrangementsevenwor k?

“We’
ll
sharearoom butI
’
llsl
eeponthecouchort
hefl
oorify
ou
wantmeto.”That'
ify
ouwantmet o'i
sutt
eredwi
thasi
ll
ygri
n
andawink.Corkymuch.

“I
’
llt
hinkaboutitandgetbacktoyou,”hewasexpecti
ngmet o
j
umpatt heofferbutt
helinesareal
readysobl
urrybetweenus,I
don’
twantthem tobenonexistent
.

Iknowforaf actthatIwouldn’tbeabletoresisthi
mi naromanti
c
setupli
keKar i
baandhewoul dheapal lthecharminthewor l
don
me.Ont heotherhand, st
ayingoncampusdur ingalongweekend
i
sslight
lydepressing.Thequietnessandempt i
nessareusual
lya
bitmuch.I
’l
lhav etoseewhi chisthelesseroftwoev i
ls.

Final
ly,
Chiher
a’ssi
l
verFor
tunapull
supinthecarpar
kbehi
ndus
andIwatchassheremovesherjabotandgownbefor
eneat
ly
pl
acingthem i
nahangerbag.
“That
’smycuetogo,thi
nkaboutKari
baandgivemeananswer
bytomorr
ow.”Hegiv
est hatwinni
ngsmi
leandIcheckChi
her
a
whoissti
l
lbusysor
tingthroughsomedocuments.

“Ar
en’
tyougoi
ngt ostayandoff
erheryourcommunalpenis?
”A
shor
tboutofl
aughter,moreofahoot
,shootsoutofhi
m andhe
l
eaveswhil
echuckli
ngtohimself
.

Iwillnev
eradmitthi
st ohi
m orany oneelsefort
hatmat
ter
,but
tal
kingtoandbeingaroundTaf adzwahast hi
swayofcal
mingme
down.Ifeelli
ght
erafterl
aughingatallhi
snonsenseandIreal
i
ze
thatheleftt
hosepoorgirl
s'umbr el
lawit
hme.Theirl
oss,I
’
m
defi
nitel
yannexi
ngthisone.

IsmellChi
hera'
sperfumebef or
etur
ningandseeingherwalking
towardsme,herstepsassuredonthosemonstrousheel
sthat
surel
yshoul
dnotbeal l
owedt opassascourtshoes.Hersuitis
tai
lor
edtoperfect
lywraparoundherbody.

“I
’m sor
rytokeepy ouwaiti
ngVimbai,thismorni
ng’scase
draggedforutt
erlynoreasonatall
.Afterall
themov ingmotions;
ourcli
entwasdeni edbail
.Nothi
ngsurprisi
ngthere,butIki
ndof
hopedthatourjudici
alsyst
em wouldcar r
youtatleastsome
façadeofbeingjustandindependentofthepoli
ti
csi nthi
scountr
y.
Whataj oke!
”
Evenherr
anthascult
uredpriv
ateschoolf
lav
ourt
oit
.Shegiggl
es
thathi
gh-
pit
chedbourgeoi
siesoundofher
sandwavesherhands
air
il
y.

“
I’
m sor
ry,
lookatmebl
ubber
ing.Let
’sgot
omyof
fi
ce.
”

Wewal kinwi thhert el

li
ngmeabouthercaseasf arasshecan
ethi
call
yshar eandI ’
mf asci natedbythewayshecarriesherself
.
Thewayshewal ks,confidenceoozesf r
om everyporeinherbody .
West opbyt hest ai
rcasewhi l
eshegreetsandchatsabi twith
ProfessorFeltonandI ’m standingawkwardlyonthesidelikea
thi
rdwheel.Ev ersincethepr of
essorgotanewwi fe,
hehas
star
teddev el
opingal i
tt
lepot bell
y.

“SoIknowy ouareal
mostdonewi thyourdi
ssertati
onbutIcame
acrossacoupleofact
ivecasest
hatIthoughtyoumi ghtf
ind
i
nterest
ingandtheyar
elinkeddi
rectl
ytoyourtopic.I
t’
suptoyou
thoughifyouwanttol
eaveitasi
tisoraddt hem.”

Wearefinall
yinheroff
iceandshejusthandedmeast ackof
paper
s.Yayme, i
tmeansI ’
m notsl
eepingtoni
ghtandt omorr
owI
havetostayupforthecri
minalpr
oceduretest.Shemustseethe
wari
nessinmyey esbecauseshesmi l
esreassuringl
yatme.

“
Youar
eal
mostt
her
e,j
ustkeepy
ourey
esont
hebal
landi
twi
l
lbe
ov
ersoon.
”

Icar
rythosewor dswi t
hmebackt oourroom whereIfi
ndNosihle
l
ookingblanklyatthewall
.Isighatthestenchcomingfrom her
si
deoft heroom.Iopenupt hewi ndowswi deandthedooraswell.
She’
sst i
ll
lookingatthewallunti
lIshakeherthensheturnsred
shoteyesatme.

Tear st
ainsstr
eakherfaceandf eelf
orher,
Ireal
lydobutI’
m
afr
aidthatifIam notharshwithhernowshewi l
lsi
nkint
o
depressionandruinherchancesofgraduat
ing.

“Nosi
hlegetupandgobat h,mopi ngaroundwon’ tundowhatis
alr
eadydone.Justholdittogetheruntilt
helongweekend.You
haveclassesandassignment s.Youareal mostthere,j
ustkeep
youreyesontheballanditwill beoversoon.”Ir
epeatChihera'
s
wordsforgoodmeasur e,shej ustconti
nueslookingatmewi th
hereyesswimmingint ears.

“
Myl
i
fei
sov
er,
”herv
oicei
squi
ver
ingwi
themot
ion.

“It
’snotover,
trustmeIwasther
ewheny ourl
ifewashangingon
byat hr
ead.Youhav ebeengi
venasecondchancet ol
i
veand
feeli
ngsorryforyour
sel
fwon’
tchangeanythi
ng.”Thet
earsare
nowmaki
ngf
reshpat
hsonherf
ace.

“Whowill
wantt
omarryabarr
enwoman? ”Isi
ghinfrust
rat
ion,
I
don’
tknowhowtogetthr
oughtoherandit
’sdr
aini
ngme.

“Marr
iageshoul
dbethelastthi
ngony ourmind,ri
ghtnowyou
havetograduat
eandeveryt
hingel
sewi l
lfal
lint
oplace.
”Si
l
ence
hangsoverusandIregr
etmyal mostharshtone.

“
Howdidy ougetoveryouraborti
on?”Ifeel
angerbr
ewi
ng
r
emindi
ngmeofFr idaynightbutItakeahugecalmi
ngbr
eat
hand
l
ookathersquar
elyintheeyes.

“I
’l
lonlysayt hi
soncebecauser eall
yit’snoneofy ourbusiness,I
didn’
tabor t
.Howcany ouchooset oterminateapr egnancyy ou
weren’tevenawar eof?Isufferedami scarr
iagebutunl i
key ou
whohadt heprivi
l
egeofonl yaf ewpeopl eknowi ngofy oursecret
,
Ihadt osufferthr
oughspecul ati
onwhi l
etryi
ngtomour nachi l
dI
wasn’tevensur eIwouldhav ewant ed.Ihadt okeepmyheadup
amongt her umoursandst udyf ormyexami nati
ons.Allyouhav e
todoi smakesur ethatMar i
adoesn’ ttellanyoneandy ouf ocus
ony ourschoolwork.
”Regret,pai nandconf usionfl
irtacrossher
open-bookf ace.
“I
'
m sorr
yIwaspartoft
hosewhospecul atedaboutyouhav ingan
abor
ti
on,Ishoul
dhavej
ustaskedyouandi treal
l
ywasn’ tmy
pl
ace.Lookatmenow.”Thebit
terregr
etinhervoiceishar dto
missandthenshef
rownsli
keshe’sconsideri
ngsomet hing.

“
Wai
twhoi
sMar
ia?
”sheasksl
ooki
nggenui
nel
yconf
used.

“TheladyinMbaresai
dthatyoucamewit
hherlongt
imeclient
whor ushedoffpr
omisi
ngtogetyouacabandshedisappeared
unti
lIcall
edtoaskwhereyouwere.
”

“
Idon’tknowanyMari
a,IwentwithRuvimbo.She’st
heonewho
r
ecommendedt hel
adyandwhenIdi dn’
twantt ogothr
oughwi
th
i
t,sheheldmedownforcef
ull
ywhilethelady
…”itget
stoomuch
f
orherandshebreaksdown,sobbingpit
eously
.

I’
mf r
ozeninshock,howcoul
dRuvimbobesohear tl
ess?Sothat
’s
whyshewasaski nghowNosihl
ewas?I tall
makessensenow,
thesuddenconcernandthef
akesmil
e.Shedi dn'
tevenbot
herto
call
mewhent hingswentSout
h.Shejustlefthertodie!

.
..
..
.

Happyweekahead,
ifyouspotanyofmybooksi
nbookst
ores
pl
easej
ustsnapapict
ureandtagme.
Sunshi
neandShadows

Four
teen

“
Pensdown,
stopwr
it
ing!
!”

Onlynowi shi sv oiceaudi bl

eenought obehear di ntheback.I
quicklycheckt hr oughmyanswerscr iptmakingsur eIwr otet
he
correctsect i
onsandt hatIdidnotmi squote.I
’m sat i
sfi
edbythe
ti
meCr ozierstr etchesouthi spinkhandandIpl acemyanswer
script
.Icrankmyneckt r
y i
ngtor eli
evet hepainar oundmy
shoulderbl adesandneck.I t’
sbeenar oughweekbutIcameout
ofitwithoutl osi ngalot.Itcouldhav eendedpr ett
ybadl y,f
ort
hat
I’
m grateful evenf ort
hel atenights.

Iwaitf
orCrozi
ertotakeall
theanswerscr i
pts,hesuredoest ake
hissweetti
meandonl ywhenheget stohisdeskdot hechairs
star
tscrapi
ngandeveryonestartsmov i
ngout .Iwaitforthecrush
ofbodiestosl
owdownbef oreIgetupandt akemybags.When
thehai
rsonmyneckst andup, Idon’tevenbotherturningtolook
athim.Idosquealt
houghwhenIf eelmy sel
fbeinglif
tedup.

“Arey
ouallpacked?Doyouneedany
thi
ng?Icanr
ushandgo
grabi
tfory
our i
ghtnow.
”
Hi
sexcit
ementiscontagi
ous,hesoundslikeagr
adeonegoing
onhisf
ir
sttr
ipt
ot hezooorairst
ripandIdeci
detoteasehi
ma
l
it
tl
e.Someonehastokeephisegoi ncheckandthatist
heGod-
gi
vendutyt
hatIcarr
youtwithpride.

“
Ummmm aboutKar
iba…”

Idon’
tevenf
ini
shwhatIwasaboutt osaybecausehesetsme
downandtur
nsmear oundtol
ookathim,afrownalr
eady
scar
ri
nghisf
orehead.IwanttolaughsobadbutIkeepiti
nand
remembermydutytot heworl
d.

“WhataboutKari
ba?Vimbaika!Don’
tpl
aywit
hme,notwi
ththi
s,
yousai
dy ouarecoming.
”He’ssocutewhenhe’
ssul
ki
ngovernot
get
ti
nghisway .

“Ireal
lywantedtocome, i
t’
sjustthatmyf athercall
edand
i
nsi st
edthatIcomeapparentlythereisanur gentf
ami l
ymeeti
ng
thatIjustcan’
tmiss.Youknowhowhi swi f
ei s.
”Ishrugmy
shouldersforgoodmeasureandIseet heangerqui ckl
ymelti
nto
l
inesofwor ry.I
sn’
thethesweet estthough?Thewhor i
ngones
alwaysar e.

“
Didhet
ell
youwhati
t’
sabout
?Doy
ouhav
eev
ery
thi
ngt
haty
ou’
l
l
needforthetri
p?”nowIfeelsl
ightl
ybadformyperformancebut
Tafadzwajustmakesittooeasyattimes.Imeannowhe’ s
l
ookingli
keapuppyt hatcan’
tfindi
tsbonewhereitburi
edit.I
al
mostgiv ethegameupbutmymamar aisednoquit
ter
.

“Ihav
eev er
ythingIneedTaf
adzwadon’
twor
ryaboutme,
justgo
andenjoyKariba.
”

“I
twon’tbet
hesamewi t
houtyou,
”hei
ssulki
ng,hi
slowerl
i
p
prot
rudi
ngsl
ight
lyandIwantt
obitei
tsobadly
.

“I
'
m sur eyoucanfindmyreplacementeasil
y ,
”hehuf
fsandlet
s
megoandhi sfaceisnowdrawninannoy ance.Iwonderwhat
poli
ti
cianhe’l
lmakewhenhe’st hi
seasytor eady.

“Vi
mbai youwill
nev ergetovermecheat i
ngony ou,wi
llyou?I
wasselfi
shandgr eedy .Howmanyt imesshouldIshowy outhat
I
’m sorr
y?I’
mt ryi
ng, ev
erythi
ngthatIcanbutyoujustkeep
bri
ngingshitupthatweshoul dhavelaidt
orestbynow. ”

“Haveyoueverbeencheatedon?”myv oicei
scooli
ncont
rastt
o
hisheat
edpleas.Helookssli
ght
lyconfusedbyei
thermyquest
ion
ortone,
whicheveri
tis,hel
ooksconfused.

“
No,
Ihav
en’
tbut
…”Icuthi
m shor
t.
“Theny ouhavenor i
ghtwhatsoevertot hi
nkthaty oureffor
tshave
erasedhowi nadequateyoumademef eel
.HowmuchI
questi
onedmy sel
fandblamedmy self.Youdon’ tknowhowi t
feel
sliketoopeny oursel
fupful
lytosomeonef ort hefi
rstti
me
andhav et
hem thr
owi tbacktoyourf ace.Soal l
owmet obej ust
asselfishasyouwer eandlookoutf ormy sel
fandmyhear t.
”

ThisisnothowIi ntendedf orthi

sconversati
ontogobutmay beI
neededt ogetthatoutofmychest .Idi
dn’tsayall
thattohurthi
m
ormakehi mf eelbad,I’
m nott oyi
ngwithhim butther
e’sal
way s
thatli
tt
ledoubtinmyhear twhichisn’
tall
owinghimi nanymore.I
feelbadathowcr estfal
lenhel ooksthough.SoIturnandwal ka
fewpacesbef orecasuallythrowingovermyshoul der
,

“
Mybagsar
epackedandr
eadyf
orKar
ibaIwasj
ustmessi
ngwi
th
y
ou.
”

Idon’
tturntoseehisreacti
on,Ij
ustwalkoutandalmostbump
i
ntoCrozierwhoislockinghi
sdoor.Ioffert
ocarryhisbagforhi
m
andIregreti
tthemomentIf eelhowheav yiti
s.Whatonearthis
hecarry
inginthi
sbag?Hi sdog?Ioffer
edsoIhav enochoicebut
tosuckitupandcarryitaswegoal ong.Hedoesn’tsaymuch,
j
ustcompl ai
nsabouthowhi sbackandIl i
stenassympatheti
cal
ly
asIcan.
Finall
y ,
Iputhisbagi nsi
dethebootofhi scarwhichheclaimshe
boughtwi thhisfi
rstsalar
y.IseeDanai seat
ingwi t
hRuv i
mboand
abunchofot hergir
ls.Danaiwav esmeov erandIgoov er
reluctantl
y,Ican’
tstandthesightofRuv i
mbo, t
obehonest ,i
t
takesaspeci alki
ndofhumanbei ngt
odowhatshedi dtoNosihl
e.
Yes, Nosihadachoi cebuttohol dherdownt henleav
ehert o
bleedt odeath?Ismi l
eatDanai andblockeveryoneelseout.

“Soareweclubbi
ngagainthisweekend?Ihadfunwithyoulast
weekunti
lyoudecidedtodit
chusforChatungabutguuuurl!I
wouldhavedit
chedy out
oo.”Danaii
smyki ndofrat
chet
, Il
augh
andtel
lherIcan’
tthi
sweekendbecauseI’m goi
ngtoKariba.

“Wit
hVal
entine?
”Thewi t
chhersel
fdeci
dedt
ochi
rpi
n,Ii
gnor
e
herandt
ell
Danai t
hatIhavet
ogoandpack.

“Vi
mbai
wait
!”Isi
ghandt r
ymybestnottol
ethergett
omebut
Ruvi
mbost
il
lrunsunt
ilshecat
chesuptome.

“
What’
sthisvibebet
weenus,Ithoughtwewer
efri
ends.
”Wit
hout
meani
ngto,Ienduplaughi
ng.Ashortandmir
thl
essl
augh.

“Fr
iends,
Ruvimbo?Iam notfri
endswit
hsomeonewhotakes
someonet odoabackstreetabort
iont
henl
eavest
hepersonto
bl
eedt
odeat
h.Whatki
ndofaper
sondoest
hat
,Mar
ia?
”

Pani
cri
sesinherey
eswhenIrefert
oherbythenamethatt
hat
l
adyref
err
edtoherbyandIdeci
detotestt
hewater
s.

“What?Areyousurpri
sedthatIknowallyourdi
rt
yl i
tt
lesecret
s
now?Thatladywasmor ethanwi l
l
ingtosingwhenIconf r
onted
her
.”Shelooksl
ikeshe’sabouttohaveapanicattackoris
ser
iousl
yconsti
pated.

“WhatwasIsupposedt odo?Ipani
cked, ok.Ididn’twanttogoto
j
ailandit’
snotli
keIfor
cedhertodoit.Ijustdidn’texpecthert
o
bleedli
kethat
.Pleasedon’
ttel
lany
one, aboutum y ouknowthe
Mar i
athi
ng.”

Suddenly,I
’m donewitht
hiswholeconversat
ionandIjustlookat
herandclickmyt onguebefor
equickeni
ngmyst epandl eavi
ng
thesorryexcusetohumanityandwomanhoodbehi nd.Shecould
havejustcall
edmeorsomeonenotj ustgoonwithherlifeasif
nothi
nghappened.

Ifi
ndNosihlereadi
ngatherstudydeskandthatmakesmesmi l
e
abit.I
t’
sthefir
stti
methi
sweekt hatI’
veseenheroutofbedand
bathedbythisti
me,st
udying.Apartofmeadmi r
esherfor
mourni
ngasshedi
d,Isweptever
ythi
ngundertherugandat
ti
mesIfeell
i
keavol
canothat’
sabouttoer
upt.She’snott
he
samegir
lshewasbef
oreshediscover
edherpregnancybutshe’
l
l
l
ive.

“Hey
,whatar
ey oustudyi
ng?”shesmil
es,
asmall
mov
ementof
herl
owerl
ipbutI’
m sti
ll
counti
ngitasasmil
e.

“Str
ategicBusinessAnal yti
cs.LookVi mbai Iowey ouanapol ogy
forwhatIdi dtoy ouatthecl ubandal soforbei ngashitt
yfriend
toyoul ately
.Igotsoconsumedi nmyownmessandy ouseemed
l
ikey oual wayshav ei
ttogetherandt hatmadememadj ealous.
I
’m sorry.IfIcouldgobackanddot hingsdiff
er ent
lyIwould.
Thanky ouf orri
skingeverythingforme, Idon’tknowhowI ’
m
goingtor epayyoubutIwi l
l
.”Herbei ngtearymakesmyt hr
oat
parchedandIbl inkbackt hemoi stureinmyey estoo.

“It
’sj
ustmoneyNosi
hle,
youcanrepaymebygraduat
ingwithme
thisy
ear.Ihav
etost
artpacki
ngbefor
eTaf
adzwastartsbl
owing
upmyphone. ”

Weshareasmi
l
eandI
’
m gl
adshe’
sst
art
ingaf
reshandbui
l
ding
her
sel
fup.

……
“
Iandthegent
sar
ewaiti
ngfort
hetranspor
tatManf
red,
”hi
s
v
oicei
ssomehowdeeperonthephone.

“Ok,I
’
m coming.
”Ther
e’sanawkwar
dpausebuti
t’
sonl
yacoupl
e
ofsecondsl
ong.

“
Doyouneedanyhel
pwi
thy
ourl
uggage?
”Il
aughatt
hesar
casm
i
nhi
svoi
ce.

“
ComeonTaf adzwai
twasthatonet
ime,
Idi
dn’
tpackmywhol
e
war
drobet
histi
me.Iswear
.”

ThisonetimeIwasgoi nghomef orEast

erandIpackedmostof
myclothesandIneededhi shel
pwi t
hmybagsandhekept
teasi
ngmet hatIwouldstil
lbecomingbackwiththesame
l
uggageandIwoul dn’tevenwearhalft
heclot
hes.Hewasright
andhest i
l
lhasn’
tforgott
en.

“
Byebabe,
”IhugNosi
hleandshehol
dsont
omeabi
tlonger
.

“
Wil
lyoubef
ine?
”Ican’
thel
pbutwor
ryabouther
.
“I
'
llbefi
ne,I’
mt aki
ngthenightbusandgoinghomewi l
ldomea
l
otofgood.Don’ twor
ryaboutme, goandhavefun.Bri
ngme
somewat erfr
om Kari
ba.”She’sactual
l
yhandingmeat wo-
li
tr
e
contai
nerandforthefi
rstt
imei nalongwhil
e,welaughather
stupi
dit
y.

“
It
’saman-
madeDam,
Nosi
hlenott
heoceanorsea.
”

Ifi
ndTaf adzwaandhi screwsi t
tingont heledgesinfrontofthe
Manf reddi ninghall.Theyar ear owdybunchandwhent heysee
met heydeci detobr eakintoasongt heymadeupcal l
ed“ Maini
ni
Vimbai ”
.I tfeel
slikear all
yofsor t
sandIcan’ thelpbutlaughand
takeav ideoofTaf adzwat hrowinghisli
ttl
easst hiswayandt hat
wayi nfull comrademode, compl etedbytheleatherankleboots
thatheiswear ing,ar edber etandlitt
lescarfoftheoppositi
on
partyregal i
a.

Someone, Ithinki
t’sTwalumba,breaksoutinto“Sunungura,”
songandt heycont i
nuedancingandmaki ngar uckusuntilt
he
kombi wewi l
lbet r
avel
lingin,
comesandpar ksinfrontofus.
Tafadzwapacksmybagunder neaththeseatandwesi tj
ust
behindthedr i
ver’
sseat.I’
veseatedbythewindowandhei s
si
tti
ngnextt ome.

“
Arey
ougood?
”heaskswhi
l
eev
ery
onei
sset
tl
ingdowni
ntot
hei
r
seats.Hestret
chesouthishandandIputminei
nhi
sandwat
ch
himintert
wineourfi
ngers.Hi
shandishugeandwar
m,ful
l
y
engulfi
ngmine.

“
I’
m per
fect
.”

Hesmi l
esthatbeaut if
ulColgatesmi l
eofhi sandIf indmy self
smili
ngback,ourmomenti sbrokenbyTwal umbaaski ng
Tafadzwatoaddr essev ery
onebef orewel eav e.Watchinghim
tal
k,onecan’tdenyt hathewasbor ntoleadi nthewayhe
managest omakeev eryonearoundhi mlistenandsuscept i
bleto
thechangesinhist one.Hischar i
smaandhumi li
tywhenhe’ s
tal
kingtopeopleisunmi stakable,i
nsteadofmaki ngmepr oud, i
t
makesmewor ry.

Inacount ryli
keours,futureleadersaresquashedlikef l
ies
becauset heypresentat hreattothewell
-oi
ledtyr
annyt hathas
beenbuiltsince1980.Ify ouwantt osurvi
veyoudon’ tshi nea
spotl
ighttoy our
selforhav eav oice,y
oublendwitht heshadows.
Tafadzwacannev erblendwi ththeshadowshe’sat tractedt ofir
e
l
ikeamot handIcan’ thelpbutadmi rehi
m andwor ryabouthi m at
thesamet i
me.Hi sspeechcomest oanendandt herei sappl ause
ashesi t
sdownandt henIr estmyheadonhi sshoul ders, our
fi
ngersstilli
nter
twined.
.
..
..
..

Mor ni
ngf
amil
y.Weareal
mostat30000pagel
ikes .
Let'
sshar
eandmentiont
hosef
ri
endsandIpr
omi seabonusi
fwe
reach30000pagel
i
kes.

Also,y
ourgi
rli
spartofthisyear'
sSABFpanel discussi
ons.I
wouldn'
thav
emadei twithoutyourconstantsupport,y
oubuying
mybooksandr ecommendi ngthem,yourrevi
ewsandal ways
cheeri
ngmeon.Iappreciateeachanev ery
oneofy ou.

Pl
easelookoutformysession"Husbands,wivesandlovers:
the
empressesofer
oticasharet
hei
rsecrets"onSaturdaythe12that
8p.m.Thisyear
'sticket
sarej
ustR50,checkouttheSout h
Afr
icanBookFai
rwebsi t
etogetyourti
ckets.

Lov
eandLi
ght

Busi
seki
l
eKhumal
o
Sunshi
neandShadows

Fi
ft
een SN

Fourhour
sdidn’
tfeell
ikemuchwiththesingi
ngandcamar aderi
e
i
nthatKombi,Idon’
trememberthelastti
meIlaughedsohar d.I
wouldcat
chTafadzwal ooki
ngatme,li
keheisnow,whenIwas
l
aughingl
ikeahyenaandev eni
nthedarkness,hi
seyesare
gl
owingwithapproval
.Ismil
eathi
m andhekeepsst ar
ing.Weird
much.

WearehereinKar
iba,
I’
m notsur
ewhichcampwearegoi
ngto,
butev
eryoneel
seseemstoknow.Thi
sthingofhi
j
acki
ngot
her
peopl
e’
stri
ps,y
ou’
llal
waysbetheonl
yoneinthedar
k.

We’vestoppedinfrontofanairst
ri
pandnooneenl i
ghtensmy
confusi
onandI ’
mt ooproudtoask.Theai riscr
ispandthecol
d
bi
tesintomyt hi
nlycoveredshoul
ders.Ishiveri
nvol
untari
l
yand
Tafadzwaplaceshisjacketonmyshoul ders.

It
’sst
illwarm withhisbodyheatandsmel l
sli
kehim,Ihugittome
andfoll
owhi mt owar dsasmallplanethatiswai
ti
ngforus.The
SRCislivi
ngt heirbestli
veswhil
et hestudent
swhov otedfor
them don’thavewat eroradequat
ehousi ng,y
ourtypi
calpoli
ti
cal
sit
uati
on.What ’snew?
TafadzwahelpsmeupandIal l
owhimtogui deme, wesitand
everyonei
ssoonset tl
eddown.Nomor esingingorral
l
yt heatr
ics,
Iguessthesophist
icati
onofourcurr
enttr
ansportishinderi
ng
thei
rbunduspersonasf r
om comingout
.Itgivesmeachancet o
tal
ktoTafadzwa.

“
Wher
ear
ewegoi
ng?
”

“You’
llsee.
”Thatsmirk,
arghwhydidIevenbother
?Itur
nmy
att
enti
ont othewindowandpretendl
ikeIdon’
thearhi
ssmal
l
ti
tt
ers.Hecangoj umpthenearestcl
i
ff.

Wear en’ti
ntheairforlong, i
tfeelsl
ikeonemi nutewear eupand
thenex twehavelandedi nf r
ontofthi sbri
ll
iantl
yli
tupplace.
Therear el
it
tl
elampsar oundthepat handmyhear tal
moststops
whenIseet hatther
ei sani nfi
nitypool!Ther earelampsaroundi
t
andasi ngl
epalmt r
eet heni tl
ooksl ikeitdoesintothevast
bluenessofLakeKar ibawat er.I
t’
slikewej uststeppedintoaBal
i
resortorsomespeci alplace.

“Whatist
hisplace?
”Ican’
tkeept
heaweoutofmyvoi
ce,
thi
s
placei
sglor
iousandlucki
l
ysomeonehascometowel
comeus.
“Goodev ening,mynamei sHi lda,Iam t
hemanagerandIwoul d
l
iketoper sonal
lywel comey out oBumiHil
lsSafariLodge,i
fyou
couldallcomet hroughsot hatwecani ntr
oducey outoyour
personalhosts.Eachr oom wil
l getahostorhostess.Shoul
dy ou
encounteranypr oblemsfeel f
reetolookforme.”

Towal kistosee.Clapsint
ernalhandsonce.Thi spl
acei s
gorgeous,Ial
readysaidthatri
ght?Wel l
,it
’smagnifi
cent,
stupendous,grandi
oseandal l
theotherbi gwordsthatdescri
be
beauty.Mymout hi
slit
eral
lyonthefloor.Iwasexpecti
ngsome
bushcampwi t
hl i
ketentsorcabins,
Imeant hisisoffi
cial
lya
schooltri
pforstudents.

Now, t
hisplaceisspeaki
ngtot heQueeni nsi
deofme.I fIweret
o
everhaveadest i
nati
onweddingt hisplacewi l
lbeit.I
t’
sdark
outsi
desoIdi dn’
treal
lyseeeverythingbey ondtheinfi
nit
ypool
andthev i
ewoft hewaterbuttheinside,theinside!

Thewall
sar edeckedtogloryi
nbeautif
ulartpieces,thecoll
ector
i
nmeappr ov es.Wedecidedtohavesupperfir
stthent ur
ninginto
ouri
ndi
vidual r
ooms.Sowear eusheredintotheSunsetDeck, the
woodentil
esandbui l
t-i
nfi
repitwit
hthelamps, gi
vet hepl
acea
whimsi
calambi encethati
sperfect
edbyt hestar-
studdedsky .

I
tlooksmagi
cal
andsomet
hingaboutt
heser
eni
tyi
nthi
spl
ace
hasrenderedtheusuall
yr owdybunchquiet.Quietconversat
ions
aregoingaroundthetableswhichwereor ganisedforussothat
wecanal l
sittoget
her.Everyonehasplacedt heiror
derandwhen
thedri
nkscome, Tafadzwat apsonhisglass.Whoi sthi
sand
whathashedonewi thmyper pet
ualgoof?

“Comrades,thanky ouTwal umbaf ortel

li
ngusaboutt hisgem and
thankyoutoeachandev eryoneofy ouforchir
pingintheextr
a
moneyneededabov ethebudgetwewer egivenbythe
admini
strat
ion.Ourpi ctureswil
lmaket hem eatthei
rheartsout.
”
Therei
slaught erandcheer stothatandI ’
m herethi
nking,who
chir
pedinmyshar e?

“Wehav ehadabeaut iful r

unandev enthoughwecoul dn’
tchange
thesystem, wegotext rahousi ngf orfi
vehundr edst udents,we
gotfif
tystudent sowingt heschool 'sdebtscl
ear edandwehad
them changet hemenus.Thoseol dmencannotwai tforust o
l
eav esothatt heycanbr eat heeasier.Sowepasst hebatont othe
nextcouncil,comradesdonoteasey ourkneesont hei
rnecks,
makeadmi nistr
ati
onsweatbul l
etsandhol dthem account abl
eno
mat t
erhowmucht heyt hreatenyouwi thexpulsion.Butt his
weekend,di str
ess,gainal lt
heener gyy ouneedbecauset hefight
i
sf arfr
om ov er.TheRev ol
ut i
onnev erendscomr ades.”

Luckil
y,f
orme,thefoodisbroughtcur
tai
l
ingf
urt
herspeecheson
propagandaandteam bui
ldi
ng.Theyarei
ntheSRCandIam not.I
cameheretohel
pthem squandergover
nmentandt heUZ
admi
nist
rat
ionmoneynottobepar toft
hei
rpropaganda.

Theirsteakissoj ui
cy,j
uicesfl
owasIcuti tupandi t’
swell-
done
j
usthowIl i
keit.Nomat terhowmuchIl ikeactingr
ichand
sophisti
cated,Iwill
nevereatsteakthatlooksli
kethecowi ssti
ll
al
iveandbl eeding.Ibetpeoplewholikeraresteakaremadet o
eatitinthei
rdreamsbyt hei
rwitchcr
aftpracti
singr
elati
ves.No
blackpersonjustwakesupl ovi
ngrawmeat .

Ifeell
ikeIcanbar el
ystandaf t
erdesert,
may beIcanj ustcurl
up
nexttot hefi
repitandstareatthestar
sal l
night.Ishouldn’
thave
agreedt othatsecondhelpingofdesertbutIhonestlyhavea
penchantf orri
chandwel l
-cookedfood.Fortunatel
y,Inevergain
anywei ght.

“
Let
’sgo,
”Igi
vehi
m ast
inkey
eandhel
aughswhi
l
epul
l
ingmeup.

Honestly,Icansl
eepher eIwi l
lbefi
ne.Ever
yonehastur
nedto
thei
rroomsandTaf adzwahadt owai
tforever
yonetobesor
ted
beforehecansor touthisroom.Wear esleepi
nginthesame
room, I
’m notdumbIexpect editandIdidn’
tevenki
ckupafuss.
I
’m goingt ogett
hei deal
holidayandamazingsexthengobackto
myf ocusaf t
erEasterMonday .
Iendupcli
ngingtoTaf
adz wa'sbacklikethehappymonkeythatI
am.Hegrumbl est
heentir
ewayt hathe’ sal
soful
landIhavemy
ownfeet
.Wegett ooursuiteandheopenswhi l
eI’
m sti
ll
onhis
backandheunceremoniouslydumpsmeont hebed,t
hecushiest
bedI’
veeverbeenon.I
tfeelsli
keI’m sinki
ngonclouds.

Ilanguidlystr
etchmy sel
f,t
hisisthepartwhi chshouldbe
awkwar dbutbeingaroundTaf adzwai
snev erawkward.It
’sl
ike
comi ngbackhome, nomat t
erhowmuchy ouhav echanged,
homei salwayshome.Webi ckerli
keamar riedcoupleabout
takingabat h,Iwantabubblebat hwit
ht heseheav enl
yscented
bathsal tswhil
ehewant stot akeaquickshower .Hewant susto
batht ogether
.

“Youar
esuchabull
y,youknowt hatri
ght
?”Ibl
owsomeoft
he
bubbl
esinhi
sfaceandsinkdeeperint
othehotwat
er.

Hepul lsmebackunt ilal

l ourli
mbsareal mostmashedtogether.I
canf eelt
hefati
guemel t
ingawayashemassagesmyshoul ders
thenwashest hem withasponge.Imi ssedthi
s.Hi
m paying
attenti
ontomyev erylimbwhi l
etel
li
ngmeabouthi sgrandplanof
onedaybei nginthewhi tehouseorisour sabluehouse?Ihav e
nodoubtt hati
nanot herlife,
Tafadzwawoul dmakeaneni gmatic
l
eader ,hi
shearti
sint her i
ghtplacebuthewasbor ntothewr ong
par
ent
sandt
hewr
ongcount
ry.

“
Doy
out
hinkIhav
ewhati
ttakes?
”

Vul
nerabi
l
ityissomethi
ngyoudon’tseeofteninhiseyesandit
makesmewantt ohughim andassurehi
mi twil
lbeallr
ight
.I
al
soknowt hatwouldbr
uisehisego,soItakethetowelfr
om hi
m
andst
artrubbinghi
m down.

“
Iknowwi thoutashredofdoubtthatyouwillbesuccessf
ulin
whatev
eryousety oursi
ghtson.Ijustwishitwasn’
tpoli
ti
cs.I
worr
ythatonedayy ou'
llupsett
hewr ongpeopleandthey’
llhur
t
you.
”Myv oicecat
cheswhenIt hinkofTafadzwahurt.

“
Yousti
ll
care.”Ther
eiswonderi
nhi
seyesandIswathi
m wi
th
t
hetoweltotr
yanddissol
vethemomentt
hatwearehavi
ng,
itgot
t
ooheavytoosoon.

“OfcourseIcare,
I’
ll
alway
scar
e.Ij
ustdon’
tseemy
sel
fasa
poli
ti
cian'
swife.
”

JustasIhopedanaughtygl
intl
ightsuphi
seyesandhepicksme
up,al
lowi
ngmet ost
raddlehim.“Thenl
et’
sseehowwell
youcan
per
for
myourwi
fel
ydut
ies.
”

Everykissi
sdiffer
entwi t
hTafadzwa,from thet extur
e,totheheat
andrightdowntohowi tmakesmef eel.Icanf eelhim pouri
ng
outhisheartandsoulintotheslow,warm kiss.Hi sli
psare
seeking,hi
stongueteasingandIfindmy selflostinallthe
emot i
onsIthoughtIhaddoneagoodj obofl ockingaway .

Whenhi shottonguel atchesontomyni pple,

Isquirm andhi
s
handscagemei n.Ineedmor e.He’
stakinghissweett i
me,
ni
bbling, sucki
ng,teasingandIam beggi nghimt ogetmeoutof
mymi sery.Welockey esf oramomentandt heintensi
tyist
oo
much, Ibr eakeyecont actfi
rstandheturnshisattenti
ontomy
othernippl ewhi
leIcradl ehi
shead.

Whenhef inal
lyfi
l
lsme, IswearIbl
ankoutf orasecond.Af
teral
l
theteasing,Iwantnothi
ngmor ethantobeonewi t
hhiminthe
mosti nt
imat eandprimi
tiveway.Igetfr
ustrat
edwhenhedoesn’t
mov e.Iopenmyey esandIfindhimlookingatme, hi
seyes
bloodshot.

“
Itnev
erf
eelst
hiswaywit
hany
bodyel
se,
Idon’
twanti
ttof
eel
t
hiswaywit
hanyoneel
se.
”
“Canwetalkafter?I
’m ki
ndofinthemi ddl
eofchasi
ngmyhappy
endi
nghere.”Iarchmyhi psuptotryandmakehim go.Doeshe
getthememo?Her emainssti
llbutIcanfeel
hispeni
spulsi
ng
andravi
ngtogo.

“
VimbaiI
’m ser
ious,
pleasel
etmein.
”Heseeksmyey
es
whi
chev
erwayIt ryt
ocastthem.

“Youarein,”Icl
enchandonl yrel
easemypelvicmusclesaft
er
threeseconds,IknowwhatKegel sdotohim andIcanseeav ei
n
poppingoutonhi sneck.Iclenchagai
nandhegr untsandcl
oses
hiseyesforamoment .It
hinkIhavehim unt
ilhebreat
hesout
slowlyandopenshi seyesagain.

“
Imeani
nyourhear
t,Iwantt
oknowt
hatIhav
eyourhear
tagai
n.”

Howgreedycanoneper songet
,heisi
nsi
depar
tsofmethat
somecanonlydream ofbeingi
nsi
deofandhest
il
lwant
stobe
i
nsidemyheart
?

“We'v
ebeendownt hisr
oadbef
ore,
”justasI’
m abouttocl
ench
agai
nhedr ivesdeeperi
ntomeandIfeelli
kescreamingi
n
happiness.
“
IknowbutIref
usetoletyougoagain,Iwantyou,al
lofyou.
”
Wit
heachsyl
labl
ehethrusts,
eachthrustf
eelsdeepert
hanthe
l
ast
.Thi
sistort
ureandIknowwhathe’ str
yingtodo.

Themor eIrefuset
ogiv
ein,thehar
derhethrust
s,ourbodi
esare
nowsleekwi t
hsweatandTafadzwaisdenyi
ngusbot hthe
rel
easethatwesodesperat
elyneed.Hefl
ipsoverandI’
m now
sprawl
edont opofhim,f
eel
ingeveryi
nchofhim.

“
Icangoonl
ikethi
sal
lni
ght
,”hesay
sbackt odeny
ingmeany
t
hrust
snomatt
erhowmuchIurgehim on.

“Noyoucan’t
,”Ist
artmovi
ngmywai
st,
angl
ingmy sel
finsucha
mannerthatmyG-spotisgoi
ngt
obr
ushagainsthi
m withever
y
humpthatImake.

“Twal
umbagavemesomeTongaherbs,Icangoallni
ghtbaby
.”I
l
ookathi
minshockandonlywhenIseethemischi
efi
nhiseyes
dowebothbur
stoutl
aughi
ng.

“Pl
ease,I
’
m dyi
ngher e,
”Iwhi
newhenhef
li
psusagai
njustasI
wasabouttogetmyhappyendingonmyownwhil
eontopofhim.
Iwanttocryi
nfrust
rati
on.
“Justletmei
n,gi
vemeonemor echancebabyandIswearIwon’
t
hurtyouagai
n.Pl
ease,
Vimbai
.”

Histempoi sbecomi
ngincreasi
ngl
yfast
erandIcanfeel
my
orgasm abouttobur
stoutofmeandIdon’twanttobedepr
ived
again.

“Onemi st
akeandI’
m out
,”myv oi
ceisbr
eathl
essandhe
squeezesmytinyassandthatdri
vesmecrazy.

“Twomist
akesandonl
yifyoucommunicat
ed,
notthi
sthi
ngyou
doofshut
ti
ngmeout.”Deepthr
ustt
hathasmytoescurl
i
ng.

“Aslongaswear
egoi
ngt
obeexcl
usi
ve,
Icangi
veusanot
her
chance.
”

Hehasmyl ef
tleguptohisshoul
derandheiskneeli
ngi n-
betweenmyl egsandIdon’tknowwher eI
’
m evengett
ingt he
strengtht
obenegotiat
ing.Thi
spositi
onmakesmewantt o
promi set
ohavehisbabieseventhoughhe’
sweari
ngpr otect
ion.

“
Itwi
ll
justbemeandyoubaby,
”I’
m soclose,
dearLor
dpl
ease
makeyoursonl
etmecum.I’
m dyi
nghere!
“Please,
Tafadzwa,”i
tcomesoutasanexhaustedwhimper.Thi
s
man, Godknowshegoesabouthisbusinessli
keaman,hasbeen
fl
ippingmearoundandnowhehasmebyt hecor
nerofthebed
andhest i
ll
won’tletmegetmysati
sfact
ion.

“Tel
lmeyoulov
eme,”hi
steet
har
egr
it
tedandIknowt
hisi
sas
hardonhi
m asiti
sonme.

“Il
oveyou, y
ouknowthatIl
oveyou.Nowl etmecum! ”hesmil
es
atmyindignati
onandbefor
eIcanut t
eranotherbi
ti
ngretor
the
seal
smyl ipswithaki
ssandproceedstodril
lmeintoobli
vi
on.

Myorgasm f eel
sli
keami ll
ionli
tt
lestarsj
ustdi
sintegr
atedbehi
nd
myey es.Itf
eelsli
keI’m spiral
l
ingoutofcontr
olandher idesme
t
hrought hatwave.I’m spentanddrif
tingof
ftosleepwhenhe
f
inal
lygetstheener gytotalk.

“Thankyoufortr
usti
ngmewi t
hyourhear
tagain,
Ipromisetot
ake
careofi
t.”Iwanttot
ellhi
m nottomakepromisesthathecan’
t
keepbutthewordsareswallowedupbythesleepthatmy
exhaust
edbodyf i
nal
lysuccumbsto.

.
..
..
..
Goodmor ni
ngfam,Iwishy ouahappyandproducti
veweek
ahead.I
fyouwanttopurchasethebooksandbrandedt
-shi
rt
s,hi
t
meupwi thyouror
der
.

ht
tps:
//wa.
me/
c/27620931434

Lov
eandLi
ght

Busi
seki
l
eKhumal
o
Sunshi
neandShadows

Si
xteen

Iwakeupal onei nthebigcloudofabed.Istr

etchmyarm and
i
nsteadofthewar m ski
nIexpecttotouch,myhandsstumbleon
apieceofpaper .Ihavetoswi t
chonthelampbesi demeandI
winceatthebrightness,theyhavebl
ackoutcurt
ainsint
hisl
odge.
Ir
eadt henotewi thoneey e.

“
Vimbai
Masai
ti(
ithasani
cer
ingt
oitdoesn’
tit
?)

I’
vegonef i
shingwi ththegroupandwe’llbedoi ngsometeam-
buil
dingexercises.Ihearthebestmonthst of i
sharenow.Imean
Kari
baiswel lknownf oritsTiger
fi
sh,aferociousgamef i
sh,as
wellasbream f i
sh,isalsoabundantint
hel ake.I’
m bor
ingyou
ri
ghtnowwi thal lt
hesedet ai
l
s.We’ll
bebackl at
er,t
heyhavea
spathatyoucanv isi
tafterbr
eakfast
.

Imeantev
erysi
ngl
ewor
dIsai
dlastni
ght
.

Lov
e
YourTaf
adzwa.
”

Idon’tknowwhymycheeksar eheati
ngupatt
he“Your
Tafadzwa.”Doubtandsecond-
guessi
ngmydecisi
onst
art
creepinguponmeandIshr ugitof
f.

Ifeelwell
-r
est edandIquicklyjumpi nt
otheshower.Idecideon
havingbreakfastatthebot t
om deckbecauseMi chel
le,
our
personalhost ess,
advisedmet hatitwil
lbethebestspot.Aft
er
aboutfiv
emi nutesIunderstandwhybecauseapackofl ionesses
comei nt
ov iewwi thsomecubsf r
oli
ckingbehi
ndthem.

Mi chell
ehandsmesomebi nocular
sandasksi fIwanttobet aken
pictures.Iwantt
hepict
uresbutIdon’twanttoimposeonherbut
sheassur esmet hatmaki
ngmyst ayheremagicalispartofher
j
obdescr i
pti
on.She’
sabubblyballofli
ght
,IsmileasIhandher
myphone.

Throught hebinoculars,Icanseet hestatelybr

ownandl i
ght
beigecoat softhehugef el
inequeensshi mmeri nthesunshi ne.
Thegi antcatsgracefullywalk,t
heirli
mbsf lui
d,asiftheyknow
thattheyarebeingwat ched.Youknowt hatstr
utyoupul loff
wheny ouknowy ourcr ushandhi sfri
endsar ewatching?It’sso
beautifulwatchi
ngt hem andt hewat eraroundthem.If i
nisht he
farmhousebr eakfastslowly ,
Ican’tgetoverthelushprettinessof
thi
splace.I’
veseenbi
rdswhosenamesIdon’
tknow,
Iwantt
o
stayhereforev
er.

Michel
ledirect
smet othespaandIal sohaveami niphot
oshoot
ther
ewhi l
eallthet
raumaandst ressofthepastweekisbeing
kneadedoutofmybody .Ithr
owinay oungfaci
albecauseIhave
afewdol l
arstospend.Ialsogetagorgeousbiki
nisetint
heirgi
ft
shop,fort
heGr am.

IdosomethingI’v
ebeenl ongingt odosi
nceIgothere,
Itakeadi p
i
nt hecr
ystalcl
earinfi
nit
ypool andthecool
nessismuch
welcomeaf t
erthegrowingheat .Asscar
edasIam Isti
llswi
mt o
theedgeofthepool andgetsomebacksi depi
cturesofmet aken
whileIt
oasttotheKar i
balake.

Thepi ct
urescameoutl ooki
ngper f
ectandt her
esi
dent
photographeralsotooksomeshot sofmeandLor dIlookrich,
thatfaci
al gl
owi sstr
ong.Ipayf orthepicturesaswell
,itwouldbe
asinnott o.WhileIscrollt
hroughmyupdat edgall
eryIhavea
chatwi t
hMi chel
le,she’
sy oungshej ustturned22butshe’sbeen
workingher esi
nceshewas19.

“Didn’ty
ouwanttogotoschool
?”shesmi l
esatmyquest i
on,
she
prettymuchsmil
esatever
ythi
nglikesheknowsthathergapis
gorgeousandhastobeshownof ftotheworl
dconstantl
y.
“Idi
dbutIhadt ochipinwithmycont r
ibuti
onathome.Atl east
heret heysetmeupwi thatouri
sm course.Af
terIpassedit,
I
decidedt odoabusinessmanagementcour seandifallgoeswell
,
Iwil
l begraduat
ingnextyear.
”

Sheiseasytot alkto,shesaysshe’sf
irst
borninafamilyoffi
ve.
Sheisabletosendhersi bli
ngstoschool becauseatl
eastthey
getpaidwit
hfor ex.Shesaysthetipsarealsogoodespeciall
y
from Eur
opeans.She’sopenandIam enj oy i
nghoweasyitisto
talkt
oherImi ghtaswel lt
estherthoughts.

“Solet
’ssayyoulovesomeoneandt heyhurty
ousobadt hatyou
l
oseapar tofyoursel
f.Youwalkawaybutyearsl
aterandtheysti
l
l
makey oufeelatypeofwayt hatnooneel
seevermakesy oufeel
.
Wouldy ougetbacktogetherwit
hthem,gi
vethem asecond
chance?"

Shepausesfrom t
aki
ngpi
ctur
esandlooksl
i
keshe’
s
contempl
ati
ngmyquesti
on.Ifeel
li
kemyarmpi
tsar
eget
ti
nga
l
itt
lesweat
y.

“
Woul
dIhav
efor
giv
ent
heper
son?
”

“
Yesandno,
”itdoesn’
tev
enmakesenset
omebutbl
ess
Michel
l
e'shear
t,shedoesn’
tsayany
thi
ng.Shej
ustnods
t
houghtful
l
y.

“Unti
lyouforgivethepersoncompl etely,whatpushedy ouapart
thefi
rstt
imewi llsti
l
lbet herepull
ingy oui noppositedir
ecti
ons.
”I
swall
owasIt hi
nkofwhatshej ustsai d.Iwanttof orgi
ve
Tafadzwa,IdobutI ’
vespentsol onghol dingallt
hisresent
ment
towardshi
mt hatIdon’tknowhowt ofull
yl eti
tgoandf ocuson
openingmyhear tagain,bitbybit.

“
Howdoy
ouf
orgi
veandl
etgo?
”

“It
’ssi
mple,askyour
selfwhat
’smor eimpor
tantt
oyou,being
angryandholdi
ngont owhatthatpersondi
dtoyouorbeingwith
thatper
son.Maybey oushoul
dapplysomesunscreen,
theKar i
ba
sunisunrel
enti
ng.”

Wet alksomemor easshehel psmeappl ysunscreenandI ’

m
amazedbyhowwi seshei sandIcantellshe’
sbeent hr
oughal ot
atsuchay oungage.IthankherandtellherIneedsomeal one
ti
me, Ialsowanthert ocatchabreak.I
’ml oungi
ngonadeckchai r
,
theviewi sabsolut
elystunni
ngfrom t
hisangle,al
l v
astblueness
andst i
ll
nesst hati
stherapeut
ic.
Ididn’treal
lymour nmychi l
d,Ithinkt hat’
spar tofther easonwhy
I’
mf indingitsohar dtoletgooft hepast .Ihadt ogot hroughthe
painofl osi
ngt hebaby ,
phy si
callyandemot ional
lyaloneand
Tafadzwawentt hroughi tunscat hed.Idon’ tknowwher ethetear
s
camef r
om, atfir
sti twasonet eart hatIwi pedofff ur
iouslybut
thenanot herfatt earsli
df rom myot hereyeandwi thinseconds
thetearswer esilent l
yflowingliket heriverbeneat hme.Ist op
try
ingt owipet hem andj ustl
ett hem f l
ow.

Imusthav ecri
edmy sel
ftosleepbecauseI ’
m awokenbya
shadowf al
li
ngonme.Iopenmycr ustyeyest ofind
Tafadzwalooki
ngdownatme.Ican’ treadhi sexpressi
onbecause
thesunisshadowinghisface.Ist
retchabi tandI’m gr
atefult
hat
Michell
esuggestedIapplysomesunscr een,Iwouldbet oastby
now.

“Hey
,whendidy
ouguy
sgetback?
”insteadofr
espondi
ng,
he
seat
snextt
omeandexami
nesmyf ace.

“
You'
vebeencryi
ng.
”It
’sastat
ementandIsi
ghbefor
etr
yingto
f
ixmyfacewit
hsomef aci
alwi
pes.Taf
adzwatakest
hewipes
f
rom myhandandstar
tsbywil
ingmyeyes.

“
Iwasthi
nki
ngaboutmymiscar
ri
age,
”hi
shandst
il
lsandhe
l
ookspai
nedbuthel
etsmegoon.
“Irememberhowscar edIwaswhent hecrampsst art
edandt he
blood,t
herewassomuchbl ood.Whent heparamedicsgott here
andIwaswr i
thi
nginpai nbutIcoul dseethejudgmenti nt heir
eyes.Thelessthankindwayt heyt hr
ewmeont othegur neyand
thegrowingcrowdthatwehadt opassonourwayt othe
ambulance.Thelookont hedoct or’
sfacewhenheapol ogized
abouttherebeingnothinghecoul dhavedonet osavemybaby .I
wasshocked, bewil
der ed,scaredandalone.”

Hisey esar
ebloodshotandsoglassythati
fhesomuchasbli
nks
thetearswil
lcomef al
li
ngdown.Ilethi
m getagri
ponhi
s
emot i
onswithoutcommentingormakingamov etot
ouchhi
m.
Aftersometimehecl ear
shisthr
oat.

“Ihaveneverbeensoscar edinmyl if
ewhenIhear dthatyouwer e
foundinthetoilet
sinapool ofy ourownbl ood,thefir
stthingI
thoughtwast hatImadey oudoadanger ousaborti
onandev en
whenIknewi twasami scar
riage, i
tstil
lguttedme.Icausedy ou
andthebabydi str
essandnot hingbr okememor ethanknowi ng
youdidn’
tevenwantmeany wher eneary ou.Thehateiny ourey es
wast oomuchf ormeandIwasspi rall
ingforsomet imeunt i
l
Twalumbahel pedmesnapoutofi t.Butever yy
earont hatday ,
thefi
rstdayofJune, Igetdi
rtdrunkt hinki
ngaboutt hechildwho
didn’
tmakei tbecauseofme. ”

“
Ist
hatwhyy
ouwant
edmet
ogi
vey
ouanot
herchance?Youf
eel
guil
tyaboutwhathappenedandyouwanttomakeituptome?”
thequesti
oncomesoutshar pert
hanImeanti
ttobe.Hecl
oses
hiseyesforaminuteandthenopensthem.

“Nothi
ngIcanev erdowi l
lmakeupf orthefi
rstchil
dIwoul dhav e
had,nothi
ng.Iletyougot hef ir
stti
mebecauseTwal umbamade
meseet hatitwoul dbeselfi
shofmet odemandy ourf orgi
veness
andhangont oy ouwhilebeingwi thmewoul dr emindy ouofwhat
welost.Itr
iedtost ayawayf rom youforthelastthreey ear
sbutI
alwaysfoundmywaybackt oy ou.Thest ol
enmoment sbecame
tooli
tt
leandIneededmor e,Ineededy ourt
extsatni ghtbeforeI
wenttosleep.Ineededt owat chmov i
eswithyouandIneeded
thewayy oulookatme, evenwheny ouaremadatme.Youl ook
atmel i
keImat termost.”

Ihav elai
dmyheadonhi sshoulderandhisarmi scurl
edar ound
me, bri
ngingmeev encl
osertohim.Ifeell
ightl
i
keahugebur den
hasbeent akenoffmyshouldersandchest.Wesi tl
ikethisfora
while,nowordsneeded.Icanfeelhispai
nandIhopet hathecan
feelmineaswell.Thefi
rstst
ept olet
ti
nggooft hepasthasbeen
taken.

……

“
Ther
eisgoodgamear
oundt
hissi
deoft
hel
ake,
rangi
ngf
rom
herdsofelephant sthrought ocrocodiles.Thi sar eaboast st
hebi g
fi
ve–buf f
alof r
equentt heareawhi chalongwi t
haheal thy
populati
onofant el
opebr ingcatsandot herpr edatoryanimalsto
theregiontoo.Bl ackrhino,oneofAf r
ica’ srarerani malscanbe
spottedhereandt her
ear eoppor t
uniti
est otrackt hem alongwi t
h
thei
rmor ewi despread,butnol essimpr essi v
er elati
ve,thewhi t
e
rhi
no.Thebi rdlifeisexcept i
onalduelargel ytot hediverse
habitat
ionwhi chsuppor ts,amongstmanyspeci es,averyheal t
hy
fi
sh-eaglepopul ati
on.”Thandoourgui de'sbar it
onei ssurpri
singly
,
theonlysoundt hatcanbehear dbesidesnat ure’scall
s.

TodayIj oinedthecomr adesinanear l

ymor ninggamedr i
ve,the
sunisn’tupy etanditiscoolaroundthissideofthecamp.I ’
m
feeli
ngclingytoday,Ihavemyheadr esti
ngonTaf adzwa'schest
andmyhandi sdrawingcircl
esaroundhishand.Ialway sgetlike
thiswhenev erhegivesmesomegoodemot ionall
ovingli
kelast
nightintheout si
deshower .

Itcouldhav ebeenthest ar
swat chi
ngusf rom highupinthei
r
homeort hepossibil
it
yofsomeonepassi ngbyandspot ti
ngusor
may bewewer estil
lemot i
onalfrom t
heaf t
ernoontalkwehad.
What everitwas,everytouchfelthei
ghtened,everyki
ssfeltl
i
ke
myhear twasbei ngst r
ummedt othebeatofhi sheart
.Hewasoh
sogent l
eandat horoughlover,
thisisthebadsi deofgooddicki
t
makesy ouallmushyandcl ingy.
Ididn'texpectal otofgamear oundal ake.Wow, wasIsur pri
sed?
Theset ti
ngi sspect acular,
thebr ighteningskylendsacer tain
magi calfeel overthewat er.Li
key oucanexpectt oseeamer maid
baskingonar ockandwai t
ingf orthesun' sraystoil
l
umi nateher
hair.Ofcour se,therear enomer mai dsherebutallaroundt helake,
thereareel ephants, antel
ope,spr i
ngbokwhi chIhadnev erseen
before,zebr asandhi pposaplentyi nthewat erandalso
somet imesoutofi t.

Bir
dli
feistremendous, Thandocl ai
mst her
eareov er480speci
es
ofbir
dsaroundher e.Ifoundt hathardtobeli
eveitheisa
wonderfulguide,helpingtofindandpoi ntoutbir
dsandmammal s.
Noquest i
onist oost upidforThando, heexpl
ainseveryt
hingso
pati
entl
y.

“Seet hatl
argeblackandwhitebi
rdcir
cli
ngoverthere?It
’scall
ed
aPi edKingfi
sher,
”eventhoughI’
m enj
oyingal
ltheselessonson
wildli
femyhear tdanceswhenwecomet oastopnexttot abl
es
setupont hebeach.

“Wesett
hisupsothatyoucanhaveyourbr
eakf
astwhi
l
e
wat
chi
ngthesunr
ise,
”howthought
ful
!

TafadzwalooksatmeinamusementasIst
artpi
ll
i
ngupmyplat
e
wit
hev er
ythi
ngelsebesi
dest
hemushrooms.Ihat
emushr
ooms.
Heonlypourssomejuiceforhi
mself
,hecan’
teatmuchbef
ore11
am andyetcl
aimst
hatI ’
mt hewei
rdone.Icl
osemyeyeswhen
theeggbenedi
cthi
tstherightt
ast
ebuds.

Iam beginni
ngtothinkthatKaribahaschangedt hisbunch,t
hey
arenotloudatall
.Weal lquiet
lywatchthegoldenbeamsoft he
sunstretchl
azil
yacrossthewat er,makingamagni fi
cent
entr
ance.Yester
day,Idecidedtoletgooft hepast.Ithel
pedthat
Tafadzwasuggestedwedoasmal llet
ti
nggocer emonyofour
baby.Itwasshortandveryinti
mat ewithjustt
hetwoofus.

“
Thanky
ouf
orbr
ingi
ngmeher
e,Ineededt
his.
”

Heonl
ysmi
lesandkissesmeshor
tlybef
orecl
aspi
ngmyhand
andwewat
chthesunriset
oget
her
.Newbeginni
ngs.

.
..
..
..

Goodmorni
ngf am,I'
m ex
haustedphysical
l
yandmental
lyso
ther
ewon'
tbeachal l
engeorbonusthisweek.I
'
m sor
ry,
hopeful
l
y,
Iwil
lbewel
l
-restedandwecangetabonusnextweek.

Ohandbuckl
eup,
thi
ngsar
eaboutt
ogetbumpy
.
Sunshi
neandShadows

Sev
ent
een

Ishoul dn’
tbeonI nstagram,wit
hourcur rentdatachar gesit’
s
ai
r t
imesui ci
debutIcan’ thel
pmy sel
f.NotwhenVal ent i
nejust
uploadedaTi ktokv i
deoonhi sInstagram.InthevideoVi mbai is
si
t t
ingonanot tomanl ookingoutatsuchaser enegor geousv i
ew,
herheadr esti
ngonheronekneewhi l
eherotherfootist ucked
under neat
hherbot tom.Theshor tsshe’swear i
ngov erherbikini
arev eryti
nyandhercar amel l
egsl ookalmostgolden.Hest ar
ts
playingmusicandshel ooksupandswat shishandwi ththe
phoneaway .

“
Taf
adzwano!I
’
mtr
yingt
otakei
nthi
svi
ew…”

I
nst
eadofl
i
steni
ng,
hegr
abst
heket
chupbot
tl
eontopofthe
t
abl
eandpret
endst
obesi
ngi
ngoni
tli
keamicr
ophone.

“
Wegot
oget
her

Bet
tert
hanbi
rdsofaf
eat
her
,youandme

Wechanget
heweat
her
,yeah

I
'
mfeel
i
ngheati
nDecemberwheny
ou'
re'
roundme”
Hisgoofytheatr
icshav eVimbaigi
ggli
ngashegoesdownonone
knee.Hecontinuessingingandnibbli
ngathertoesandherpear
ls
oflaught
ershowt hatshe’shappy,genui
nelyhappy.If
eel
tear
s
sti
ngmyey es,happyt earsmostl
yandt i
ngedwithabitof
sadness.

I
’m happyforVimbai,Godknowsshedeser vesal
lthehappiness.
Underneathal
lthatcrassisaheartofgold.Vimbaiisthatf
riend
whowi ll
shoutaty outhenaft
erwardslookforasoluti
onoutof
thestupidmessy ougoty our
sel
fentangledwith.

Valenti
neisright
,heisasuckerforher,anyonewhohasbeeni n
thesamer oom withthetwoofthem knowst his.I
t’
sasclearas
day,thewayt heysteal
looksateachother.Vimbaisteal
sand
Valenti
nestaresatherli
keshe’stheonlygirli
ntheroom.Igot
j
ealousthatsomeonewhoal r
eadyhassomeonewhol ooksather
,
thewayVal enti
nelooksatVimbai,cansti
llgetanyothermanshe
wantswi t
houtanyqualms.

“Nosihl
eleav
ethatphonealoneandgocat chthatchi
cken,t
hef at
onewi t
hapatchofwhiteonitsbrownfeather
s.”Mymot her
snapsandgrabsmyphonej ustasValent
ineandVi mbaifi
nish
kissi
ngandshe’
shidingherfaceonhischest.

Idon’
tbot
herar
gui
ng,
Idr
agmy
sel
foutoft
her
oom Iusedt
o
sharewithmysist
er,
buti
t’
smost l
yminenow.Itsti
l
lhasthefr
il
ly
bedcoverthatmamamadef oruswhenshefi
nishedbui
ldi
ngour
room,wellshemadethebr
icksandhir
edsomeonet obuil
d.

Mysi st
er'
sclot
hesarepackedintheonlysui
tcasethatmyf at
her
l
eftbehind,t
heratswerehavi
ngtheirwaywit
hhercl othesunt
il
mamaboughtamet alt
runktoplacethem.Thepicturesshecut
upfrom themiddl
eofPeoplemagazi near
estil
lstucktothenow
cr
ackedmi rr
or,j
ustasshelef
tit
.

Whenev erItr
yt omoveany thi
ngorchangeany thi
nginthi
sroom,
mymot heral
way sputseveryt
hingbackinplace.Asifshewants
herfi
rstdaughtertofi
ndev eryt
hingjustt
hewayt hatshelef
t
every
thing.Wehav en’
tseenmysi st
erinoversixyear
s.Herfi
rst
daughter,Nothando,i
sherspitti
ngimagebutt hat
’swherethe
resemblanceends.

Nothandoist
hesweetestgi
rlandIlovehersomuch,sheoff
ers
tochasethechi
ckenformeifIpromisetogiv
eher5bondsto
carr
ywhenshegoest oschool.Shegrumbl
esthatgogonev
er
giv
esthem moneyjustapackedlunchandshewantstobecool
l
ikeother
s.

“Otherpeopl
edon’tev
engetthatpackedlunchnana,j
ustbe
gratef
ulforwhat
evergogogi
vesy ou.Focusonyourstudi
esand
y
ouwi
l
lonedaygetaj
obandear
nal
lthemoneyt
haty
ouwant
.”

“Otherchi
ldr
en,whoseparent
sareabroadcarryRandsand
Dollar
stoschool,
whydoesn’tourmothereversendusanyt
hing
exceptformorebabies?
”Iswall
owwhi l
econsideri
nghowto
respondtosuchasensiti
vequesti
on.

“Becausebabiesarebl
essi
ngsandtheyarewort
hmoret
hanany
Randsordollars.
”GodknowsI’
velear
ntthatt
hehar
dway.

Shesulksatmywor dsbutshestil
lnods.Ir
eall
ywi shmy
sist
erwoulddobett
erwithherchi
ldren,
theyaregrowingnowand
thei
rquesti
onsgrowhardertoanswereachy ear
.Not handois
feel
ingneglect
edandasmuchasmamaandIar ethereforher,
shestil
lneedshermother’
slove.

Thepoorchickengetsthebuttofherfr
ustrat
ionbecauseshe
wri
ngsitsneckwithmor efor
cethanmer i
ted.Shetakesthekni
fe
andjustsl
i
tsthethroatwit
houtwarningmeandt hewar m bl
ood
spr
ay smyface.

“
Nothando!”befor
eIcanscol
dherfurt
hermymotherst
epsoutof
t
herondavelkit
chenwit
hherhandonherhipwhi
l
et heot
heri
s
wi
eldi
ngawoodenspoonmenaci nglyatme.
“Don’tevendareshoutatmygr anddaughter,Isentyouandyou
decidedtosendsomeoneel se.Whendi dy oubecomesol azy
Nosihle?All
youdoi ssl
eeplikeapregnantwomansi ncey
ou
cameher eyester
day.Harar
ehasmadey oulazy,lakhowhois
goingtomar ryal
azywoman? ”

Herwordsplungedeepi ntoawoundt hatwasbar el

ycongealed,I
fi
ghtnottoshowmyf eeli
ngsbecauseI’m notreadytobe
i
nterr
ogatedjusty
et.Idon’tknowhowIdoi tbutI’
m abletogo
thr
oughthecookingandev endishupyetmychesthasbeent i
ght
eversi
ncemymot herment ionedpr
egnancyandmar riage.

Remindi
ngmet hatIam nowar ej
ect
,Iwi
llneverf
allpr
egnantand
nomanwi l
lwanttomarryme.Icouldworkandbesuccessfulbut
Iyear
ntohaveahusband, someonewhowi l
ll
ovemeandgi veme
thedi
gni
tyIwishmyf at
herhadgiventomymot her.

Iknowshedoesn’ tsayi tbutIseethewayt hewomenatchur ch

keepheratarm’sl engt hyettheywat chherwitheagleeyesi fshe
somuchassneezesi nt hedirecti
onoft hei
rhusbands.It
’sbeen
mychildhooddream t ohav eawhol esomef amil
y,prof
essional
parent
sandt heirchildrenwhogot ogoodschool s,weartidyand
expensiv
eclothesandmyf amil
ywi l
lsitint
hefir
storsecondpew
cl
oseenoughwi ththepast or'
sf amily
.
Idreamtofbeingi
nvi
tedtohavedinnerwi
ththepastor’
sfami l
y.I
knowVimbai woul
dlaughifsheheardmesay i
ngthat,
Idon’tthink
sheunderst
andshowl onel
yitget
sevenforstr
ong,successful
women.

Idon’twanttobel abell
edasabi t
terfemini
st,Iwanttherespect
thatcomeswi ththesanct i
tyofmar ri
ageandmyst upidi
tyhas
depri
v edmeoft hatforever.Thesorghum isit
shwalalodges
heavil
yinsidemyt hroat,r
efusingtogodownunt i
lItakeagul pof
thesaltyborehol
ewat er.Ismilewantatal l
thetalesmyni eces
andnephewsar espinningformybenef it
.Theyareal lvy
ingfor
myat tent
ionit’
s;

“
Mamncane,
lookmyt
oot
hfi
nal
l
ycameout
,”t
hissi
deand

“
Mamncane,
Icameouttopofmyclassagai
nthi
sterm.Whatar
e
y
ougoi
ngtobuyforme?
”from Nt
andoontheothersi
de.

Mymot hersavesmebyr emindingt hem nott

otalkwhileeati
ng.
Myr el
iefisshort
-li
vedbecauseint hesil
enceandabov ethe
chewingandsl urpi
ngsounds, mythought sar
etooloudandi t
feel
sliketheyaredrowningme.Fi nall
y,wearedonewi theati
ng
andNt andoaswel lasNqobilegrumpi l
ypickuptheplatestogo
andwat chwhilemumbl i
ngundert heirbreat
hs.
“Washi
ngdishesisforgi
rl
s?”Idon’
tknowhowmymot hercaught
whatNqobil
esaid,Idi
dn’
thearanyt
hingbutherear
shavealways
beenshar
p.

“Nans'imihl
olayami!Ngiyal
i
ngwampela!Arey ounotachil
din
thi
shouseNqobi l
e?DoInotclot
heandf eedyou?Nowy ou
chal
lengeme, mei nmyownhouse!I fy
ouar esuchmant hen
l
eavet hosedishesandgoandpacky ourbags.Idonotkeep
adult
si nmyhouse, I
’l
lsendyouofft
oNokul ungamaybeshehas
spacef orabratwhothinkshe’
samani nherf l
at.
”

Mymot hergoesonwit
hhertir
adeuntilt
heboy sar
edone
washi
ngt hedi
shes.Al
ongtheway,sheforgotwhyshewas
shout
ingatNqobil
eandendedupincludi
ngNt andoaswel
l.

Asloudandasannoy ingasInor mallyf

indmymot her,t
odayI ’
m
gratef
ulforherberat i
ngskil
ls.Icanbarelythinkfr
om allthe
ruckussheandhergr andchil
drenar emaking.Itrytodragoutt he
stori
esforaslongasIcanbutev entual
ly,evenNothandost ar
ts
yawningandweal lheadt oourrooms.Theboy sshareabedr oom
andsodot hegir
ls.Mymot hersleepsaloneandI ’
m alsoal one
withtherecurr
ingdr eam ofthatcoathanger ,onl
yinthedr eam I
alwaysendupcar r
yingal i
mp, greyi
ngfetusinmybl oodyhands.

……
Igetst
art
ledwhenIfi
ndmymot hersit
ti
ngonthebedandl ooki
ng
atmewi t
hconcer
nmar r
ingherface.Irubmyey esbefor
e
squi
nti
ngandreal
izi
ngthatit
’ssti
l
ldarkoutsi
de.Theparaff
in
l
ampshecamewi thisperchedont heri
cket
ycof f
eetabl
ethat
hasmyphone.

“Nosi
hlemntanami
,what’
sthematter
?Ihear
dyouscreami
ngand
whenIgothereyouwerewhimper
ingli
keastr
aycat
.What’
s
happeni
ng?
”

Iwanttobr eakdownandconf essev eryt

hingtoherbutt hewor ds
getstuckinmyt hroatanditfeelsli
kemyt ongueisgluedt othe
roofofmymout h.Mymot heropenst heblanketandget sin,she
pushesmyheadt oherlapandshe’ sr unningherfi
ngerst hrough
myshor thair.If
eelmyselfrel
axing,sheusedt odot hiswhenI
washav i
ngahar dti
mesleepingbackwhenIwasachi ld.

“Youl ookpr ett

ywithyourhair cut
, y
our emi ndmeofmy sel
fwhenI
wasy ourage.Iwoul dcutmyhai randal l
t heboysatschool would
gocr azy ,
butIdidn’tcar
e.All Iwant edwast opassandbecomea
teacher, t
eacherswer ewellrespect edbackt hen,atthesame
l
ev elasdoct ors.Iwasbrightt oo,verybri
ght .Iwouldwinawar ds
atschool .”IwishIcouldseet hel ookonmymot her’
sface,she
hasnev ertoldmeanyoft hisbef orebutt henostalgiai
nherv oice
i
shear t
breaking.
“Ihadgottenaccept edatMi nda,somemi ssi
onaryf r
om there
scoutedme.Iwassopr oudofmy sel
fandhappyt hatIwas
almostoutoft hisplace.Itwashar dgrowingupi napol ygamous
famil
y.Butmyhar dwor kwasf inal
lypayingoff.Ididn’
thav etime
forboysoranysucht hing,Iwassof ocusedonmyst udi
est hat
theotherkidscalledmeal l
sortsofnames.Idi dn’tcare.
”She
sighsandcl aspsmyhandandIdon’ tt
ellherthathergr i
pist oo
ti
ght.

“Therewast hi
soneboy ,hewasverypopularwi t
ht hegirlsandhe
haddr oppedoutofschool togoandwor katt hemi nes,
ubengut sheketsha(il
legalgol
dpanner).Hewasr el
ent l
essinhi s
pursuit,
themor eIpaidhim noatt
enti
on, i
sthemor eper si
stenthe
was.Thi sonet ime,Iremainedbehindtostudyf ortheupcomi ng
exams.Ihadt opasst hoseexamst ogot oMi nda.Ileftschool
around6p. m.itwasal mostdarksoIquickenedmyst eps.Imet
theboywi t
hhisf r
iendscomi ngfr
om themi nes,hest art
edwi th
hisnonsenseandIi gnoredhim.Icouldhearhi sfri
endseggi ng
him onandIt r
iedtorunbutIwasn’ tf
astenough. ”

Herbr
eat
hinghasgoneupandmyfi
ngersar
enumbf r
om her
gr
aspbutmyhearti
sthuddi
ngsol
oudl
y,mir
ror
ingher
s.

“Hedraggedmet oashall
owditchandpull
edupmyuni f
orm,I
foughthi
m offasmuchasIcouldbutIwasnomat chforhi
m and
hehadapoi ntt
oprovetohisf
ri
ends.Itwasmyfi
rstti
meandhe
wassoaggr essi
ve,Ir
ememberscr eamingbutmyscr eamswere
drownedoutbyt hecheersfr
om hisfr
iends.Igothomewi that
orn
andbloodi
eduni f
orm butIst
il
lgotabeatingforbeinglat
ewhil
st
i
twasmyt ur ntocook.Noonecar edtoaskwhathappenedt o
me.”

Mytear
saref
lowi
ng,
foramomentIhav
eforgot
tenal
lmypai
n
andI
’mthi
nki
ngofmymother
,al
oneandhur
t.

“Ipassedt hoseexams, buti tdi

dn’tmeanany thi
ng, allmyhar d
wor kwasi nv ai
n.If el
lpr egnantandofcour se, t
hemi ssionari
es
droppedme.Af tert hebeat ingofmyl i
fe,myf ami l
ydr aggedmet o
thatmonst er'
shomeanddemandedt hathedor i
ghtbyme.Iwas
mar ri
edt ohim withinaweek.I twassohar datf i
rst
, Iresented
himf orallthedreamsIl ostouton, hisaggression,hewant edt o
asser thi
msel fovermeandt hatmademehat ehi m mor e.I
want edtonamey oursist erKulungil
ebutt heywoul dn’ tl
etme.By
thetimeIhady ou, Iwasnumb, myhear thardenedbutIpr ayedso
hardt hatallt
hebeaut i
ful dreamsIhadcoul datl eastl i
veon
throughy ou.Unkul unkuluwabal esi
hlekimiwaf ezaamaphupho
ami ngawe, mnt anami .
”( Godwasmer ci
fult
omeandmademy
dreamscomet opasst hroughy ou,mychi l
d.)

Iwishshehadn’
tsaidthelastpartbecauseitbr
eaksdownal lt
he
wallsIhadt
ohasti
lybuil
dar oundmypai nandI’m cr
yingsohard.
Ihaveletmymotherdown, Ihaveletmyselfdown.Mamadoesn’ t
under
standwhyI’
m cr
yingshet
hinksi
t’
sbecauseofherst
oryand
she’
sfeeli
ngbad.

“Shhh,it
’sokmybaby,thedayhef i
nall
yleftwheny ouweretwo
wast hedayIstar
tedli
vingagai
n.Imaynotcar emuchforyour
fatherbuthegavemet hegreat
estgift
s.Especiall
yyou,
my
darli
ng,youaremystarandI’m soproudofy ou.”

Ican’ttakeherpr aisenotwhenI ’mlef

tempt yinsi
de.Throughmy
tears,Itellhereverythi
ng.I tcomesoutjumbledandshaky ,f
rom
thebegi nningofmyaf fairwithamar r
iedmant ofindingoutIwas
pregnant .Bythet i
meIt alkaboutmybot chedterminati
onmy
mot her’
shandhasl ongl eftmineandiscoveri
nghermout h.I
don’tleav eoutalmostbl eedingoutt
odeat handshewai lswhenI
fi
nallytellherthatmywombwasr emoved.

“Thisisal
lmyf aul
t,If
ail
edyouNosi hl
e.Ishouldhavebeenmor e
openandy ouwoul dn’
thavethoughtyouhadt ocarr
yt hatl
oad
alone.
”Iexpectedherangeranddisgustatme, Iwouldhav ebeen
abletotakeitbecauseI’
m angryanddisgustedatmy self
.Her
blamingherselff
ormysins,thatIcan’
ttake.

Forthef
ir
sttimesi
nceithappened,
Icryfr
eely
,Iwai
lasif
someonediedbecause,
inessence,
someonedi ddi
e.Myunbor
n
chi
ldandallmyfut
urechil
drendi
edthatday.Wearebot
hcryi
ng
butmymot heristr
yingtogetmet ocalm downevenasshecries.
Ihol
dont oherandl istentoherassurancest
hatever
ythi
ngwil
l
bealri
ght.Thatwewi l
lfi
ndawayt hroughthi
ssomehow.Icry
unti
lIsl
ipawayt osl
eepandf orthefir
stti
meinalongtime,
Ihav e
adeep,dreaml esssleep.

.
..
..
..

Morni
ngfamil
y,happyweekahead.Ihopey
oual
lcel
ebr
ate
her
it
ageweek.Mybi r
thdayi
scominguponSat
urday .

Lov
eandLi
ght

Busi
seki
l
eKhumal
o

p.
smybooksar
eal
soav
ail
abl
eonAmazonandKi
ndl
eUnl
i
mit
ed

htt
ps:/
/www.amazon.
com/
Nomaswazi
-Busi
seki
l
e-Khumal
o-
ebook/dp/
B087949WY7
Sunshi
neandShadows

Ei
ght
een

ThisplacehasbeenParadi
se,Iwilldefi
nit
elymissbei
nghere.I
’
m
fi
ngeri
ngt hecar
dtheyl
eftherelastnight,
nostalgi
aal
ready
engulf
ingme.Everyni
ghtthestaffl
ef tacardwithaquoteor
anecdotesaboutani
mals.Yester
day ’
scardhast hepi
ctur
eofa
Buffal
o.

“Cowsr unawayfrom thestorm whi

lethebuff
alochar
gestoward
i
t–andget st
hroughitquicker.WheneverI
’
m confr
ontedwitha
toughchall
enge,Idonotpr ol
ongthetorment,
Ibecomet he
buffal
o.”

Wi
l
maManki
l
ler

Il
ookaroundt heroom, maki
ngsurethatIdidn’
tfor
getanythi
ng,
mybagsar epackedev enthoughwear egoingt
ohav ebreakf
ast
fi
rstbef
oreleavi
ngt hi
sli
tt
lepieceofheaven.

Taf
adzwawr apshisarmsaroundmeandIl eanintohissol
i
d
warmth.Hehasbeensowonder ful
tomet hisl
ongweekend.I
hav
enev erf
eltmorelovedandtr
easured.I
tscaresmehow
qui
ckl
yI’vef
allenf
orhim agai
nbutthetrut
histhelovewas
al
waysther
e,Ij
ustgrewbett
eratsuppr
essi
ngandhi
dingit
.I’
m
gr
atef
ulnowthatIcanopenl
ylovehi
m andhav
ehim openl
ylove
meback.

Ican’
thelpbutgiggl
ewhenIt
hinkofallt
hegoofystuf
fhegotup
tothi
sweekend.Het i
ckl
esmelight
lyandthegi
gglesbreaki
ntoa
ful
l-
fl
edgedlaugh.

“Il
ovey ourl
augh,”he’sbeenrandomlystati
ngt hi
ngst
hathelov
es
aboutme.Myl augh,mydet er
minat
ion,heclaimsIhav
eabi g
heartandIstronglydisagr
ee.Mysmar tmout h,l
etmetesti
fhe
real
lymeantthathel ovesmysmar tmout h.

“Wel
l,Idon’
tloveyoursi
nging.
”Heti
ckl
esmesomemoreandItry
tost
if
lemyl aughandIfail
dismal
ly
.Heplacesawar
m,wetki
ss
onmyneck.

“
Liar
.Youlov
edev
erynot
ethatIsang.
”Il
oveamanwhoi
ssosel
f
-
assured.

“TheJonasbrothersthough?Inev erpi
cturedyouasaboyband
groupie.
”Hechucklesagainstmyneckandt hesoundgoes
strai
ghttomylabia.Behave,Ifi
ercelywarnmyl adypar
tsbutof
course,t
heyhaveami ndofthei
rown.
“Wehav
efivemi
nut
es,
”hi
svoi
cei
shuskyandhe’
sal
readyt
aki
ng
offmyt
hong.

Itryt
oarguet hatit
’snev erj
ustf i
vemi nuteswithhim butheshuts
meupwi t
hadeepki ss.Themi ntyaf tert
asteoft oothpasteinhi
s
tongueisrefreshi
ngandIf i
ndmy selfcli
ngingt ohim asour
tonguesduel inadanceasol dast ime.Wi t
houtwar ni
ng,hepicks
meupandpushesmet ot hedoor .Ourki ssesandt ouchhav e
becomef renziedandur gent,buil
dingupt heelectr
icit
ybetween
us.Thetearingoffoilpaperonl yfaintl
yr egist
ersinmymi nd,I
’
m
squir
mingunderTaf adzwa' shot ,
seeki ngl i
psonmyt hroat.

Webothshudderwhenourbodi esar
ejoi
nedt othetil
t,hecl
oses
hi
seyesasi fi
nphy si
calpai
n.Whenhefi
nall
yopenst hem, t
hey
ar
ebloodshotandr ef
lectt
hesamehungerIfeelforhi
m.Mynai l
s
di
gint
ohisf l
eshasIhol dont
ohimfordearl
ifeashepoundsi nt
o
mewithtotalabandon.Heknowsmybodywel l,
toowel landmy
ey
esarealmostt ouchingt
hebackofmyheadi necstasy.

Whenheput smedown, myl egsareshakyandIsitont

he
rumpledbedwhi l
ehedisposesoft heusedcondom.Hecomes
backwi thawarmt owelandhehandsi ttomewhilehegets
dressed.Icl
eanupmy selfquickl
yandputonaf r
eshpairof
underwear.I’
m aboutt
oopent hedoorwhenhishugehandcloses
overmi neandheturnsmear oundt oki
sshim.
“Thankyou,”Iam l
ookingdeepl
yintohi sey
eswhenhesay sthis
andallIcanthinkofarethegol
denl i
nesinsidehisbl
acki
ris,
you
nevernoti
cethem unlessyouar
el ookingclosel
yathisey
es.

“Whatar
ey outhankingmef
or?”hesmi
ledandhi
sey
escr
inkl
ed
att
hecorners,
maki nghi
mlooksoador
able.

“Forcomi
ngwi
thmet
hisweekendandopeni
ngy
ourhear
ttome
again.
”

Anotherki ss,abriefonet hi
stimeandweheadt ot he
breakfastsetupout side.Wear ethelasttoarr
iveandt heseidi
ots
decidetocat cal
l andwhi stl
ewhenweshowup.Youcan’ tt
akethe
SRCany where,thisisaposhest abli
shmentbutIst il
ll
augh
happil
ywi ththem.Wehadal otofbondingacti
vit
iesthisweekend
andIendedupj oi ni
ngt hem.

Yesterdaywewentonasunsetboatcr ui
se.I tfel
tli
kewewer eon
afloati
nghav enandgoodGod, thev i
ewoft hesunsetont he
water!Itl
ookedl ikeaf ieryballradiati
ngt hroughoutt hewaterand
tai
ntingevery
t hingwi thabeaut ifulreddish-goldenglow.There
wassomepr of essional photographert hereandhet aughtushow
totakepictur
esandal sot ookgor geouspi cturesofussi ppi
ngon
cocktail
swhileenj oyingt hev i
ew.
Thesunsetcr ui
sewasoneofmyf av
ouritet
hingstodo.Oh, waitI
saidthesamewhenwewentupt oseetheLakeKar ibawall
.The
dam wal li
samast erpi
ece,Tafadzwasai dit
’sadoubl ecur
vature
concretearch.Whateverthatmeans, all
Iknowi sthatwhoever
engineeredthatdi
danamazi ngjob.I’m ser
iousl
yinlovewiththis
place.

“Hurr
yup,we’
llt
ryt
osqueezei
ngoi
ngt
othechur
chofSant
a
Barbar
abefor
eweleave.
”

Mymot herusedt oli

keasoapi ecall
edSantaBarbara,Inever
watchedi tbecauseithappenedl at
eatnightbutshewasal way s
try
ingtor opemydadi nt
ost ayi
ngupl at
ewithher.Thememor y
makesmeal it
tl
esadandTaf adzwanot i
cesmymoodchange.
Wef i
nishbr eakfastandheadov ertoourroomstocollectour
l
uggage.Idoubl e-checkthateveryt
hingwaspacked.Whi l
eI ’
mi n
thebathroom myphoner ingsfrom ontopofthedressingtable
andTaf adzwahandsi tt
ome.I t’
sanunknownnumber .

“
Hel
l
o?”IsaywhenIacceptt
hecal
l
.

“
Vimbaihey
,it
’sChatunga.
”Iwoul
dhav
eknownhi
sdeep,
raspy
v
oicefr
om anywhere.
“
Chat
ungahi
,wel
lthi
sisapl
easantsur
pri
se.
”

Tafadzwa’
seyesatthementi
onofChatunga’
snamecoul
dbur
na
hol
eintomyforehead,
it’
sal
aserst
are.

“I
sitreal
lyasurpri
se,
thosereminder
syoulef
tdidn’
tgiv
emeany
otherchoice.
”Il
aughandapologizef
ormyremindersandt
ell
him
nottomi ndtheremai
ningt
enthatIsetup.

“Thetent
honei st
heonethathadmecal l
ingafewpeopleandI
managedt oconvi
nceourfamil
ylawyert
oof f
eryouapaid
i
nternshi
patGushungopracti
ce,wi
thapossibil
i
tyoff
ull
-t
ime
employmentdependi
ngonhowy ouperf
orm.”

Ican’
thel
pbutsqueal
inexci
tement
!

Thi
sisit
,thefooti
nthedoort
hatIdesper
atel
yneeded.It
hank
hi
m prof
uselyandhe’
ssochil
l
edabouteveryt
hing.

“I
t’
sallgoodshawt y,
IgavehisPAyourdetai
lsandtheyshoul d
getbacktoyout hi
sweekandsetupev ery
thing.Anintervi
ewand
al
lthatbutit
’sj
ustprotocol
,thej
obisyour
s.”Thisisthef i
rstt
ime
I
’m gett
ingassuranceofhavingt
hejobinmypocketwi t
houteven
goingforanint
erviewandIlovei
t.
“Surething,
sothisi
smynumber
.Sav
eitandi
fyouneedany
thi
ng
elsejustshout
.”

Hefi
nal
lyendst hecal
landIdoalit
tl
ev i
ctorydance,If
eell
ike
goi
ngont opoftheKari
badam wallagai
nandscr eami
ngabout
myhappinessforthewhol
ewor l
dtoknow.Mygl eeisshor
t-l
i
ved
whenImeetTaf adzwa'
sstone-
col
dglacialglar
e.

“Whatwasthatal
labout?
”talkaboutthegri
mr eapercomi
ngt
oa
barmit
zvah.Hi
scoldtonejustfr
ozethevict
orydanceIwasbusy
wit
h.

“Chatungamanagedtoconvi
ncethei
rlawy
ertohireme,apai
d
i
nternshipTaf
adzwa!
”Ican’
thel
pit,I
’
m happyandIwon’tl
et
anythi
ngdampenmymood.Hegr unt
shisannoyance.

“ThesameChat ungay ouhookedupwit

hataclub?”Hi
sjeal
ousy
i
sal mostcut
ebutt hi
si saboutget
ti
ngajob,
notabout
Tafadzwa’
sli
ttl
etantrums.

“
Wehookedupandgottal
ki
ngandIaskedhi
mtohookmeup
wi
thaj
ob.Idi
dn’
tthi
nkhewoul
dactual
lypl
ugmei
nsoquickl
y.
”
“Youarenottaki
ngthatj
obVimbai.”Il
ookathi
mtocheckifhe
hasn’tgr
ownt wohornsonhisfor
ehead.Ort
oseeifhe’
sjoki
ng.
Hisdeadpanfacesaysother
wise.I
’m onhol
i
dayandfeel
ing
mellowsoletmeask.

“Why?
”Hewasexpect
ingmet
obl
owupsot
hequest
ioncat
ches
hi
m offguar
d.

“ Thosepeopl emadet heirmoneythroughthet earsandsweatof

ot hers.Aft
eralltheat
rociti
est
hattheydid,arey ouhonestl
y
telli
ngmet hatyouwil
lacceptthatj
ob? ”hehasswi tchedonto
pol i
tici
anmodeandhi st ongueisext
raslipperybutIknowhi m
bet terthananyone.

“
IfIdon’
ttakethej
obwil
li
ter
aseal
lthesuf
fer
ingt
hatt
heyput
t
hecountrythr
ough?”

“
No,
but
…”Ij
umpi
nnotwai
ti
ngf
orhi
mtof
ini
sh.

“
IfIdon’
ttaket
hisj
obwi
l
lthecount
rybebackont
rackagai
n?”

“
Ofcour
senot
,it
’sj
ustt
hat
…”he’
sget
ti
ngagi
tat
ed.
“I
fIdon’
ttaket
hisj
ob,doyouhav
eapay
ingj
obl
i
nedupf
ormet
o
star
tassoonasIfi
nishmyexams?”

“Dammi t,
Vimbai,wil
lyoujustli
stent
ome?Youdon’ thav
eto
sleepyourwayintogetti
ngaj ob!Somethi
ngwi
llcomeup.”He
reali
zedhismistakeaft
erthesecondlineofmesleepi
ngmyway
andhel amelytr
iedtoredeem himsel
f.

“HowIgetaj obisnoneofy ourconcer n.WhoIsleptwi thandfor

whatpurposei sal
sononeofy ourconcern.Somet hingwi l
lcome
up?Where?Ihadt odomyat tachmenti nadingylittl
ehel l
hole
andIdi
dn’ tevengetpaidwhi l
ey ouwer egettingoverf ivehundred
USdoll
arspermont h,
ov eratthef ancyfir
mt hatyourdaddyset
upforyou.Wher eyouar egoingbackt owhenwef inishexams.
Sodon’tyoudar etr
ytopat roniseme, Tafadzwa!”her ubshis
sel
fi
sh,stupidfaceinfrustr
ation.

“
Ifi
tmeanssomucht oyouIwil
lgetmyf
athertogety ouaj obin
abett
erfi
rm.Howdoy outhi
nki
tmakesmef eeltoknowt hatyou
wil
lbeworki
ngforsomeoneyousl
eptwi
th?
”I’m gett
ingfedupof
t
hisbackandfor
th.

“Thisi
snotaboutyou, Taf
adzwa!I
t’
snot,i
t’
saboutme.I fyou
caredsomuchy ouwoul dhavetol
dyourpreciousfat
hertoget
meabet teri
nter
nship.Iwasmiser
ableandbitchingt
oy outhe
enti
reti
meandal ly
ousai dwashanginthere.Sodon’tt
ryto
makemel ookst upid.Youar ewor r
iedhowi twil
llookony our
streetcredt ohav ey ourgirl
wor kingfort heoppositi
on.It’
sal ways
abouty ou!You’ veinsultedmeenought oday,
youbasi cal
lysai dI
prostit
utedmy selftogett hi
sjob.Nowdon’ ti
nsul
tmef urtherby
maki ngitseem l i
ket hishasany thingt odoaboutwhati srightor
wrong.I t
’sabouty ourstupidego.Sol etmesav ey outhetr ouble,
I’
mt akingt hejob.Iwasn’ taskingf ory ourpermi
ssion.”

Igr
abmysui
tcaseandasI
’
m aboutt
oyankt
hedooropen,
his
voi
cest
opsme.

“I
fyout
akethatj
ob,i
t’
sov erbet
weenus.
”It
urnar
oundt
olookat
hi
m andati
nylaughescapesmymouth.

“Whydon’
tImakethi
seasi
erfory
ou?Ther
eisnous,
Val
ent
ine,
onl
yyouandyoursel
fi
shego.
”

Iwheelmysuitcaseout,i
t’
sheavyandhar dt ogetdownt hest ai
rs
butsomehowImanage.Iwast oofiredupt owai tfortheelevator
.
Ifi
ndtherestofthegangdownst ai
rs,Twal umbat akesonel ook
atmyfaceandhegoesspr i
nti
ngupst ai
rs.Icoul dn’tgi
v etwo
f*
cksreal
ly.I’
mi nasourmoodbutIst i
llfeel sadt obesay ing
goodbyetoMichell
eandt hi
splaceandI ’
mt ouchedwhent hey
gi
veuslit
tlegi
ftsasfarewel
lpackages.
Taf
adzwaandTwalumbaj oinuswhenwear egetti
ngpacked
l
unchaswegetint
ot heplane.Ihatethatnoonesitsnexttome
onthepl
ane,
theyall
leaveaspotf orTafadzwa.Hesitsnextto
meandwhenhet r
iestal
kingIthrowhi m adeadl
yglar
et hatshut
s
hi
m up.

I’
m nolongeri
nthemoodt ogot oKari
baHeightstothechurch
butevery
oneisgoingsoIdon’ thaveachoi
ce.Thel i
tt
ler
ound
churchhasbeaut
ifulstai
nedglasswindowsandi t
’ssopoignant.I
feelsomeofthetensionaroundmyasIl i
stentothem si
nging
oneofmyf avour
it
esongs.

“Rudo--
-ngar
uregek:
uit
arwokuny
engedzer
a,r
wokw:
i
yengedzer
a,
ngaruv
erudorwechokwadi-
--

rudongar
uregek:
uit
arwok:
unyengedzer
a,rwok:
uny
engedzer
a,
ngaruv
erudorwechokwadi
,tsi
kadzouKri
sto”

Am Isobadforwant i
ngbett
erformy sel
f?Ihavenoonef i
ghti
ng
formeinmycor nerandify
oudon’ tknowanyonewhoknowst he
ri
ghtpeopl
einthiscount
ry,youareroyal
lyscrewed.Idon’
twant
toenduphomewi t
hthatwomanandherchi l
dren.Shewould
haveafiel
ddayteari
ngmedown.

Myt
hought
sar
enowt
oodar
kforchur
chsoIbr
eakawayf
rom
everyoneel
seandIgoout sideandstareattheLat
indedi
cati
ons
tothememor yoftheconstruct
ionworkerskil
l
edduri
ngthe
buil
dingofKari
baDam.Ifonl ytheyhadli
vedtoseethei
rvi
sion
andhar dworkbecomear eali
ty.

Iwasper f
ectlyokdoingmyl itt
lehookups,bei
ngwithTafadzwai
s
aroll
ercoastert
hatIdon’thav etheti
mef orri
ghtnow.Atext
comesi nfrom Chatungatell
ingmet ocheckmyemai l.It
hank
hi
m andbr owset hr
ought heof f
er.I
t’
stoogoodt opassbyandI
hateTafadzwaf orplant
ingthisdoubtinmymi nd.

Thi
swouldhav ebeensi
mple,IwouldhaveacceptedbynowandI
woul
dbehappybutmyhear tistorn.Thepastweekendconf
ir
med
whatIal
readyknow,wit
hallhi
sflawsI’l
lnev
erloveanyonet
he
wayIlov
eTaf adzwabuti
slovewor t
hmor ethanmydreams?

.
..
..
.

Goodmor ni
ng,
I'
m sor
ryIpostedsolate,
Ihadalat
eni
ghtand
over
slept
.SeeyouonFri
dayforlastweek'
sbonus.

Lov
eandLi
ght

Busi
seki
l
eKhumal
o
Sunshi
neandShadows

Ni
net
een

“
Dad,
canIgot
ost
udyatCambr
idgeUni
ver
sit
yorHar
var
d?”

Myfatherlooksupfrom t
het oastheisbut
ter
ingandhedoesn’
t
l
ooktoopleased.IknowI’m notsupposedtotal
katthedi
ning
room t
ablebutit
’sj
ustustwoandIr eal
l
ywanttogetoutofhere
andgoasf arasIcan.

“Wet al
kedaboutthi
sRuby,youarebarredfrom ent
eringmost
EuropeanUnioncountr
iesbecause…”Ibreakinandfinishhi
s
sentenceforhi
m.

“…becauseofsanct
ions,
Iknow.Mom saidIcanchangemy
papersanduseUncleBatsi
…”Whenmyf atherput
sdownhis
toastandpushesawayhisalmostf
ull
plat
e,IknowthatIj
ust
struckaner
ve.

“Youarenotgoingt
ousey ouruncleormom'sfamil
y.Thereare
perf
ectl
ygoodschoolsr
ightnexttousinSouthAfr
ica,youcan
choosefrom UCTorWit
s.”Ihatethefi
nal
it
yinhisvoicebutIst
il
l
t
ryt
oper
suadehi
m.

“WhataboutAust
ral
iaorCy
prus.Iwantt
oexpl
oret
hewor
ld
Daddy.I
t’
snotli
keyoucan’
taff
ordit
.”

ThetruthisIjustwantt ogot oAust r

aliaandtrytowi nback
Tendero,myhear tcan’ttakeherabsenceanymor e.Ev ersi
nce
sheleftI
’vebeeni namor osemoodi fIwasbraveenough, Iwould
havekill
edmy self.Iboughtthepillsandrazorblades, butI
chi
ckenedoutatt helastmoment .Shedidn’
trespondt omyt ext
s
andIonlyknewt hatsheleftwhenmymessageswer eonlyti
cking
once.Herlastseeni s12/ 04/19.Ithi
nkshej ustswitchedont o
herAustral
iannumber ,t
hatIdon’thav e.

Iwassodesperatetotalktohert
hatIgatheredthecouraget
o
askhermotherforhernumbers.MrsSv erypoli
tel
ytol
dmet o
fuckof
f.Herexacttextwas,

“Rubyy ouknowt hatIl

oveyou, y
ouhav ebeenadaught ertome
sincey ouwerebothinhighschool .Iknowt hatyouar egoing
throughal otri
ghtnowandI’m sor rybaby,Ireall
yam.Howev er,I
can’tstandtoseemyowndaught erconstant l
yhurt
ingov eryou,I
getthaty oumightbegoingthroughsomest agebutTender oisn’
t.
Sher eall
ylovesyouandIthinkyoushoul dl etheratleasttryto
pickupt hepiecesofherheartandt rytomov eonwithouty ou.
Youcant
alkt
omeaboutany
thi
ngj
ustnotaboutTender
o.”

Ihaveneverfel
tsoaloneinmyl i
fesoIresort
edt ost
alkingheron
soci
almedia.AftermyhundredthDM begginghertotalkt ome,
sheblockedmeonal lsi
tesevenonsnapchat .Ihadtost alkher
usi
ngaghostaccountIhav ethatshedidn’
tknowabout .She’s
sett
li
nginwellandshe’stot
all
yembracinghertruestyl
e.

Herdreadlockssti
llremindmeoft i
meswhenIwoul drunmy
fi
ngersthroughthem andt r
ytomakethem tame.Thisonephoto
shehadherey eslazilyopenandpouti
ngprett
il
yatthecamera.
Mostoft heti
meIki ssherlipsbutt
hescr
eeni scol
dandhard
nothi
nglikehersoft,plushl
ips.

Shehasanoseringnowanditmakesherl ooki
rr
esi
sti
ble.Ther
e
i
sthisdungar
eeshewaswear i
ngyesterdayanditmademewant
toj
umpi nt
othescreenandgobewithher .Mybabyisfl
amesand
ver
ysoonsomeonewi ll
snat
chherup, someonewhowi llknow
howtoloveherr
ight.

“
Austr
ali
aistoofar,
youcan’
tleav
eChatungaandgot
hatf
ar.He
wi
ll
endupf orget
ti
ngyouandmov i
ngon.”

Myf
ather
'sv
oicesnapsmeoutoft
hel
i
ttl
efant
asywor
ldIhad
al
lowedmy sel
ftotrai
li
nto.Justheari
ngment i
onofChat unga'
s
namehasmyst omachchurning.Ihat
ehim, Ir
esentthatIam
stuckwi t
hhavingtobewi t
hhim evenwhenhet r
eatsmel i
kean
option.Ithi
nkheisseeingsomeoneel se.I
’
m almostcertain.

“Ruby!”t
heimpati
enttoneinmyfat
her
’sv
oicehasmelooki
ngup
athim qui
ckl
y,hehatesitwhenmymindt
rail
soffwhenhei
s
tal
king.

“
Yes,Dad.
”Helooksl
i
kehewant
storebukemebutchangeshi
s
mindandput
sonhismostmani
pul
ati
vesmil
e.

“YouknowIl oveyouri
ght?Youaremyonl ygirlandI’
m doingthi
s
foryousothatevenwhenI ’
m goney ouhavesomeonet otake
careofyou.Iknowy ouwanttofoll
owy ourfr
iendtoAustrali
abut
youwillmakenewf ri
ends.Nowstoppout i
ngandt akemycar dto
goshopping.IaskedChatungatoaccompanyy ou.I
t’
sEasteryou
kidsshoul
dgooutandhav efun.
”

Iwonderwhyhedoesn’ tseethatwhathe’
sdoingiswrong.What
fat
herblatantl
ythr
owshisdaughterataboy?Ipushmypl at
e
away,allappeti
tegoneandIasktobeexcused.Iregr
etaski
ngfor
agapy ear,maybeifIwasincoll
egenoneofthiswouldhave
happenedandIwoul datleasthavesomet
hingtooccupymymi nd
wit
h.Iwishmom washer e.
BythetimeChat ungacomest opickmeupI ’
m dressedinashor t
j
umpsui t
,iti
shotandi tsl
oosemat eri
al i
scoolagainstmyski n.
Heleansdownt oki ssmeandIcl i
ngont ohisneckabi t
,standing
onmyt oes.Ishouldfindhi
sli
psr epel
lentri
ght?Buthere’sthe
thi
ng,sexual
ly,
thereisdefi
nit
elychemi st
rybetweenChat unga
andI.

Beforethewholenightcl
ubscenewhenheal l
owedar andom gi
rl
tokisshim,Iwasreall
yfeel
i
nghim.It’
sconfusing,I
’
m at t
ract
edto
ChatungabutI’
mi nlovewit
hTendero.Iwishtherewassomeone
Icouldtal
kto,whowi l
lmakemeunder st
andmybody .Someone
clearst
heirt
hroatandwequickl
ybreakapart.

I
t’smyuncl eGumburai,hestaresatChat ungauntilhener v
ously
l
ooksdown.Uncl eGumbur aihasamenaci ngscarf rom j
ust
beneathhiseyeall
thewayt ohischin.I
t’
shar dtomi ss,coupl
e
thatwit
hhiswidenoseandaper manentf i
ercescowl onhisface
andhei sonemeanl ooking,person.Hisbuil
tisinti
mi dat
inganda
l
otofpeopl ear
euncomf or
tablearoundhim, exceptme.Iknow
thatuncleGumburaiisahuget eddybearwheni tcomest ome.

“I’
m heretoaccompanyy
outogoshoppi
ng.
”Herarel
ysays
any t
hingovert
enwordswhenhei
snotmad.Chat
ungaclear
shi
s
throatandnudgesmesli
ghtl
y.
“Youdon’
thavetoaccompanyusSekur
u,Chat
ungahashisown
secur
it
ydetai
l
.”Uncl
eGumbur ai
’
seyessoft
enabitwhenhelooks
atme.

“Iwasn’
taski
ng.”Het
urnsandwalksout
.Ishr
ugmyshoul
der
sat
Chatunga'
sannoyedl
ook.It
ri
ed.

“
Whatdoy
ouwantt
obuy
?”heaskswhenheopensmydoorf
or
me.

“Idon’
tknow.
”Hesighsandcl
osest
hedoorbef
oregoi
ngt
oopen
hisownandjoi
ningme.

“
Robwasaski
ngabouty
ou,
hemi
ssesy
ou.
”

RoborJuniorishi
sli
ttl
ebrot
herandhe’scool
people,
unli
kehis
brot
herhe’smoreoutther
e,cl
osertomyageandabi t
,ok,aloton
thewil
dside.Thescandal
sthatboyhasbeeninv
olv
edi nwould
causeanyparentt
olosethei
rmindsbuthegetsawaywi t
hit
.

“Hehasmynumber,hecancal
lmei
fhewant
s.”Chat
ungasi
ghs
atmyblandr
esponse.
“Look,
Iknowt hatyouhaven’tf
ull
yf or
givenmesinceIfuckedup
l
astweek.Iplannedalit
tl
esomet hingtoshowy oujusthowsorr
y
Iam.”Heissay i
ngallt
herightthi
ngsbutIam notsur ehemeans
them,I
’m ov
erwhathappenedbutI ’m piningov
erTendero.

Hedr i
vesust oRobertGabri
elMugabeInternationalAi
rpor
t.I
keepthrowingglancesathim andheissmi l
ing,heseemssur eof
himself
.I’
mi ntri
gued,
Chatungahasnev errandoml ygoneona
tr
ipwithme, iti
salwaysatmyf ather
’si
nsistenceorhismot her
’s
promptingsot hi
sshouldbeinter
esti
ng.Myphonegoesof f,it
’s
myf at
her.UncleGumbur ai
musthav ealert
edhi m.

“
Dad.
”

“
Ruby
,youruncl
etell
smey ouar
eheadingtotheai
rportwher
ear
e
y
ougoing?
”Ireal
lywishhedi
edinst
ead,he’
ssooverbeari
ng.

“
Idon’
tknow,
Chat
ungai
stheonedr
ivi
ng.
”

IhandChat ungathephonewhenmyf at
herorder
smet o.They
tal
kforami nuteandChatungaislaughi
ngatsomet hi
ngmy
fat
hersaid.Iwonderifmyfatherwouldeverhavethesame
rel
ati
onshipwi t
hTendero.Hewasni cet
oher,heli
kedherbut
t
hat’
sbecauseheonlysawherasmyf
ri
endandnotsomeoneI
wasinarel
ati
onshi
pwith.

WhenIhadjuststartedseeingTenderoasmor ethanj ustafr

iend,
wewereinfor
m 3, onedaywhi l
elisteni
ngtotheformerpr esi
dent
i
nthenewshest artedtal
kingabouthomosexual i
ty.Myf at
her
wasagreei
ngvehement lyaswel i
stenedtotheinterv
iewonZDC
r
adio.

“Weask,washebor noutofhomosexuali
ty?Weneedconti
nui
ty
i
nourrace,andt hatcomesfrom thewoman,andnoto
homosexuali
ty.JohnandJohn, no;Mari
aandMaria,
no.Theyare
worset
handogsandpi gs.Ikeeppigsandthemal
epigknowsthe
femal
eone.”

I
’
llal
waysr
emembert
hewaymyf
athercl
appedhi
shandsand
t
urnedt
o,mymot
her.

“He’stotal
l
yr i
ght,
thosepeopl
earedi
sgusti
ngandwor
sethan
pigs.Theydeservedtobehanged,weshoul
dhavemadean
exampl eofthatsi
ckbastar
dBanana.”

If
eltsi
cktomystomachbecauseIhadki
ssedagirlandIenj
oyed
i
taswellasal
ltheot
herf
eeli
ngsIhadforTender
o.Iknewfrom
thenthatshewasgoingtobemydirt
yli
ttl
esecretandthatdi
dn’
t
changeasIgrewolder.Iwasal
waystor
nwhenev erIwaswi t
h
Tendero.Bei
ngwit
hChat ungawaseasi
er.Hehandsmemy
phoneanddadisstil
lontheli
ne.

“
Enj
oyyoursel
f,pr
incess,I
’l
lseeyouwheny
oucomeback.
”Just
l
i
kethat
,hehasgiv enhisapprov
al.

Chatungar efusestotellmewher ewearegoingevenwhenwe

arei
nt heirfamilypri
vatejet
.UncleGumburailef
tusattheai
rpor
t,
notbeforegr anti
ngat hr
eattoChatunga.Ist
alkTender
osome
morebef oredr i
ft
ingofftosleep.

……

Iam wokenbyChatunga'
svoi
ce.Heisont
hephoneandIdon’
t
openmyey essot
hatIcaneavesdr
oponhisconv
ersat
ion.

“Ineedyoutogiveherapermanentposi
ti
onthereGi
lber
t.She’
s
bri
ghtandshe’l
lbeanassettoyourfi
rm.”Ther
eisapausewhi l
e
theotherper
sonont heot
herendofthelinei
ssayi
ngsomet hi
ng.

“Don’
tconcernyoursel
fwi t
hhowIknowher,
myf amil
ypay sfor
thaty
achtyouhav eintheMaldi
vesandourr
etai
nershouldbe
enoughmot i
vat
ionfory outoev
encreat
eaposit
ionforherif
t
her
eisn’
tanav ai
labl
epost.
”Af
ewsecondspassandIcanhear
t
hesati
sfact
ioninhisvoi
ce.

“I
’m gl
adweunder
standeachot
her
.Hav
eyourPAdr
aftt
heof
fer
,I
needitav
ail
abl
ebyMonday .
”

Whoi shetal
ki
ngaboutandwhatposit
ioni
shegetti
ngf
orher
?I
conti
nuefaki
ngsl
eepandtry
ingtokeepmybreat
hingev
en.I
eventual
l
yfal
lasl
eepagai
nandthisti
mehewakesmeupby
ki
ssingme.

“
Getupandeatsomet
hing,
youhav
ebeensl
eepi
ngf
orhour
s.”

Wet ouchdownatDubai ataround6p.m.Dubaiti

me.Mymood
hasperkedup, Il
oveshoppingi nDubai
despit
etheheat.He
bookedusi ntheJumeirahTower s.Ourroom i
shighupinthe
cl
ouds, Chatungafi
xesabat hformeandt hefl
oor
-lengt
h
windowsar efaci
ngtheset t
ingsunontheclouds.

Iwonderifthi
siswhatbeinginheavenf eel
slike.Livi
nginthe
cl
ouds.I’
m socaughtupinthev i
ewt hatIonlynot i
ceChatunga
whenhedr awsmet ohischest.Inestl
eonhi slying,cheat
ing
chestandhemassagesmyshoul ders.
“IknowIdi
dy ouwr
ongbutIr
eal
l
ydol
ovey
ou.
”It
urnandl
ook
himintheeyes.

“Doyou?Doy
our
eal
l
ylov
eme?
”hel
ookssur
pri
sedbymy
quest
ion.

“
Ofcourse,Ido.Whywoul
dyouev
enask?
”Iguesswear
ehav
ing
t
hisconver
sation.

“Imeanatti
mesi tfeel
slikewearejustdoi
ngt hi
sf orourparent
s.
Itf
eel
sforcedandIgett hatmaybeyouwoul dratherbewith
someonemor eyourage.”Hesighsandpullsmet ohim,hischest
i
ssquashingmybr eastsandhekissesmyf orehead.

“Lookit’
shar dli
vingthel i
fewelive.Wewer ebor nint
oitbutat
ti
mesi tsti
llf
eelsl i
kewear edrowni ngandal lalone.Ineed
someonewhoknowsandunder standst hatthereisthemet hat
everyoneelseget stoseebutal soseesme, t
her ealmeandy ou
dothat.Iwantt obet hesamesaf epl acef oryou.Wear estuck
togetherandIwoul dl oveforustoatl easthavel oveand
compani onship.
”Onl yIcan'tbetr
ul ymy selfwit
hhi m orany
one
forthatmat t
er,Icanal r
eadyimagi nehisdisgust .

“
Sonomor
edi
srespect
ingmei
nfr
ontofy
ourf
ri
ends?
”He
car
essesmyf
aceandt
hat
’st
hegent
lesthehasev
erbeenwi
th
me.

“Nomoredi
srespectandnomorerandom ki
ssesf
rom gi
rl
sIdon’
t
know.Fr
om nowonI ’
m goi
ngt
otreatyouli
kethequeent
hatyou
are.
”

Notexactlythedeclarati
onofl ovethatIexpectedbutwehav e
reachedsomeunder standingandhesi gnsitallovermybody ,
seali
ngbot hourfates.ItrynottothinkaboutTender o'
stouchand
howshewoul dplacehergotmout honmyni pplesandsuckleon
them unti
lIfel
tli
keIwasaboutt oexplode.Tenderoknewev ery
hookandni ckelofmybodyasi fi
twasher sandChat unga
doesn’tcomecloset oher .

“
Wher
ear
eyout
aki
ngme?
”

I
’m bli
ndfoldedandChat ungaasksmet ot r
usthim.Heguidesme
toacool ,
air-
condit
ionedroom.I tisti
ledandIalmostsli
pwi t
hmy
heelsbuthehol dsmest eady.Icanhearsomeonegr eet
inghim
butI’
mj ustantsyaboutwher ewear e.Wewal kforawhi l
eand
thenhecommandsmet ostop.Istop, t
heanti
cipat
ionismaking
myhandsshake.Her emovesthebl i
ndfoldandIscream andjump
upanddownl ikeali
ttlegi
rli
npr eschool.
Hegotmeaf lippi
ngrubyr edMer cedes-AMGGT4doorcoupe, I
fl
ippi
nglov ei
t.It
’sgotthatgor geousnewleathersmell
andmy
nameengr avedont heseat s.Ikeepscreami
ngwhenIseet he
smallscreenthatshowswhat ’sbehindbuti
salsoatinysat
ell
i
te.
Thefeaturesont hi
sridearemadcr azy.

“SoIt
akeitt
haty
ouacceptmyapol
ogy?”He’
sgrinni
ngandt
he
sal
esladyi
scapt
uri
ngthemomentwit
hhisphone.

“
Youar
efor
giv
en.
”

Heki
ssesmebutI
’
mjusti
nar
usht
ogeti
nthecarandt
estdr
ive
i
t.

.
..
..
..

Iapologizefort
helatepostbutI'
mr eal
lyst
ruggl
ingwi
thoutmy
glasses,Ievenhaveamassiv eheadache.I
fyoudon'
tgetan
i
nser tMondaypleaseknowt hati
t'
sonlyunti
lIgetmyglasses,
I
haver eal
lypooreyesi
ght
.

Fr
om t
he25-
30t
hIhav
easpeci
al,
all
my4bookspl
ust
heOur
St
ori
est
-shi
rt-R850

Fal
l
enCandl
e+Lol
a'
sHear
t+t
-shi
rt-R650

T-
shi
rt
sarel
imit
edI'
m onl
ylef
twi
th10,
from smal
lto2XL.Text
meon0620931434

Lov
eandLi
ght

Busi
seki
l
eKhumal
o
Sunshi
neandShadows

Twent
y

Discl
aimer:Thi
sisaworkoffi
cti
onanychar
act
ersorev
ent
sthat
seem real
arenot.Buckl
eup.

Ipr
etendtosleeponthewaybacktoschoolunti
lIact
uall
yfal
l
asl
eepandI ’
m wokenupbyatinyshakeandIrubmycr ust
yeyes.
Wear ebackattheManfr
edparki
nglot.

“Whatdi
dy oueatthathadyoufar
tingl
ikearhi
noandsnor
ingl
i
ke
agoodstrai
n?”Thet easi
ngquest
ionearnsTaf
adzwaasmackon
hi
sheadandhel aughs.

Mysleepinesswear soffandIrememberwhatanasshewassoI
si
tupstraightandstartgetti
ngmythingsinorderandhesighs
despondently
.Iignorehim andcont
inuesort
ingoutmyl uggage.
Hetri
estot akemysui t
casef r
om meandIhol dontoit.Another
si
gh.

“
ComeonVee,
wearebot
ht i
redl
etmehel
py oucarr
yyourbags,
t
heny
oucangobackt
obeingmadatme.”Ialmostmel
tbutthen
Ir
emembert
hatheaccusedmeofpr
ost
it
uti
ngmy
sel
fandgav
e
meanul
ti
matum.

“I
’m notyourproblem,Tafadzwa.I
’
llmanageonmyown.
”He
scoffsandforcefull
ytakesmysuit
case.

“
Youwil
lal
waysbemypr
obl
em ev
eni
fwedon’
twor
kout
,youar
e
mypr
oblem.
”

Isaygoodby etoTwal umbaandsomeoft hecomr adeswhoar e

stil
laroundtheparkingl
otandIf oll
owTaf adzwat othenarrow
pathwayf r
om Manf reddini
nghalltoSwinton.Hekeepsst eali
ng
glancesatmeandIpr etendthathe’snotevennextt ome.Har are
i
sabi tsni
ppycompar edtoKar i
ba.Tafadzwashr ugsoffhis
j
acketandput sitonmyshoul der
sbef or
econtinuingtodragmy
suitcase.I
tsmell
slikehim andIf i
ghtagainstt
heur getosniffit
.

“ThereasonIdi
dn’taskmyf athertohel
py ougetat t
achedt oa
l
awf i
rmi st
hatyouaref i
ercelyi
ndependentVimbai ,
especiall
y
whenitcomestome.Mostoft hetimeIam ti
ptoeingaroundy ou,
notsurewhatyouwi l
lacceptandwhaty ouwilltakeoffenceto.
Youwer ebi
tchi
ngabouty ourattachmentbutnotoncedi dy ou
askformyhelp.Remembert heEconetfi
asco?”
Iwasr eadytojumpont hedef ensiveunt i
lhement i
onedt he
Econetscholarship.Mydonorwasoncel atewithpay mentofmy
feesduringmysecondy earhereandIal mostdi dn’
tget
accommodat i
on.Taf adzwapul l
edsomest ri
ngsandmanagedt o
getmeundert heEconetschol arship,t
heJoshual it
es, i
nsteadof
beinggratef
ul,Ilashedoutathi mf ortreati
ngmel i
keachar i
ty
case.Iwasembar rassed,Iwasact ingthisr ol
eofagi rlwhocame
from acomf ortabl
ebackgr oundandIdi dn’twanthimt oknow
thatIwasonl yhereonsomef undingfrom ourchur ch.

Thatwasbef oreIl
ethimi nandshowedhi mt herealmethatI
usual
lykeepawayf rom people.Itol
dhim aboutmymot herand
howhersi sterswoopedi nevenbef or
emymot her’
sbodyhada
chancetot hawanddecompose.Howshekeptgi vi
ngbir
thunti
l
ther
ewasn’ troom formei nmyownmot her’
shouse.That’
swhyI
hategoi
nghomewhenev erI’
mt herei
tfeelsl
ikeI’
m
i
nconvenienci ngherchi
ldreninmyownr oom.

“Ihatethaty oufinditsoeasytoaskforassistancefrom ot
her
peoplebutnotf r
om me.Hav eInotmadei tclearthatIwil
ldo
anythingfory ou,Vimbai?
”IgruntandIdon’trespond.I’
mt i
red
andany thingIsaynowcanandwi llbeusedagai nstmesoI
wouldr athernotsayany t
hingunti
lmyheadi sclear.

Whenhenot i
cest
hatI’
m notgoi
ngtorespondt
ohi
m hesi
ghs
andcont
inueswal
kingsil
ent
lynextt
ome.WemeetRuvimboi
n
thefoyer
,shegl
aresatmeandsmi l
esseductiv
elyatTafadzwa.I
rol
lmyey esandthatmakesTaf
adzwagrin.He’sasstupidasshe
i
s, t
heycanhaveeachother
.Heputshisf
r eearm ar
oundme,
drawingmeclosertohi
m andki
ssesthesideofmyhead.

“
Noneedt
obej
eal
ous,
I’
m al
lyour
s.”

“
Webr okeup,Masait
i,nowmovey
ourarmfrom myshoul
der
.”He
t
ensesabitbutkeepshisar
m onmyshoul
ders.

Finally,wegettomyr oom andNosi i

salreadyback.Ibreakof
f
from Taf adzwaandr ushov ert
oNosi andhugher .She
reciprocatesmygest ureandclingsontome, bytheti
mewe
breakapar tTaf
adzwai sgoneandhel eftmysui t
caseonmybed.
Nosi hlelooksabitl
ikeherol dself
,herauraisli
ghtert
oo.

“Youl
ookbet
ter,
”Iset
tl
eont
oherbedandshesi
tsnextt
omeand
smil
esbri
ght
ly.

“
That
’sbecauseIfeelbet
ter
.Ihadahear tt
ohearttal
kwithmy
mom andshemademer eal
isethatIhav
esomucht oli
veforand
t
hatmyonemi stakeshoul
dnotdef i
neme.Ijustwanttomake
t
hatwomanpr oudofme.”
“
Sheisproudofy
ou,
IknowIam.
”Nosi
hle'
smom i
sagem.“
Now
whatdi
dshesendme?”

Nosi hlelaughsandgoest ogetal uncht i

nwithmbambai ra(sweet
potat oes)andboiledchibage(mai ze).Idi
ginwhil
eshet ell
sme
aboutwhatherni ecesandnephewswer euptoduri
ngthel ong
weekend.I ’
mr el
axedunt i
lsheasksmeaboutmyweekend.Goi ng
thr
ought hepictur
eswi t
hherr ei
nforcesjusthowhappyIwasi n
Kariba.It el
lheraboutmyf ightwi
thTaf adzwaandshelistens
att
ent ivel
y .

“Isaychooseyou.Ther
earenoguar
anteesi
nthisl
i
fesobeas
self
ishasyoucan,whatev
ermakesyouhappy,
Iwil
lbeher
efor
you.”

Ismi
leatherki
ndwordsandtel
lheraboutbumpingi
ntoRuv
imbo
andNosiseemsuncomfor
tabl
eatthementionofRuvi
mbo.

“ThereissomethingIneedt otell
you,Iwasjealousandbit
terI
knowt hatnow.Ishouldn’thavebeendiscussi
ngy ourbusi
ness
withRuvimbobutIdidandIneedt owar nyou.Sheisverymuch
i
nv est
ediny ouandTaf adzwa.Ieventhi
nkshe’sobsessedwi t
h
youandi fshecanleavemef ordeadandshownotanounceof
remorse,Iwouldsaybev er
ycarefular
oundher.”
Wecont inuetalkinguntil
I’
m doneeati
ngandwegobat ht ogether.
Mybodyi sti
redandIdeci detohaveanearlynightsothatIcan
facetomor r
owr enewedandmybat ter
iesful
lycharged.Istar
eat
theofferbeforegoi ngtobedandIjustknowthatIwoul dbe
stupidnottot akeit.Ibl
ockoutTaf
adzwaandt hathelpsmef all
asleepquickly.

……

“I
fyouhav eneverbeenbeatenbytheCIDcanyoureal
lysayyou
havel
ived?”ProfessorMadhukusaysbefor
estr
okingt
hescaron
hi
shead, whenher aiseshi
sarmthepatchofsweatonhisshi
rt
showsunderhisar mpi t
sbutsi
sAbigai
lj
ustbr
oughthi
m hisusual
cupofcoffee.

Ibracemy sel
ftohearhimt al
koft heti
mehegotdet ai
nedand
maul edi
n2001byt hepol i
ceormay behe’ll
switchitupandtalk
abouthispropert
iesbeingburntdownort heti
mehewasar rested
duringaprotest
,beatentonearlyaninchofhislif
eanddumpedi n
theoutski
rtsofHarare.Iusual
lyshudderatthesestori
esandy et
thewayhet ell
sthem usuall
yhast heclassinfi
tsoflaught
er.

“Hati
tyi
isusu(
Wearenotafrai
d)weknowt hatsomeofy ouare
i
ntell
i
gencesentt
ospyont hecur
ri
cul
um thatwet eachhanzi
heeeeanaMadhuku,i
nti
midati
onwon’tst
opus, youwill
haveto
kil
lus.Wecannotr unawayf r
om ourreal
it
y.Wehav easi t
uation
wherewehav eagovernmentinpl
aceandweal lagreethatasi t
standsnow, t
hegovernmentunderEDwon’ tgiv
eust hesoluti
ons
onitsownbutsomewhathast hemandatef r
om t helastelect
ion
andt heywil
lnotgoawaytil
l2023.
”Hel ooksaroundt heent i
re
room andithasgonedeathlyqui
et,heisdangli
ngt hekey stohis
bigFor t
uner
.

“Sowehav etwoopt i
onseit
hertositathomeandl etthem f
ail
whilewesufferorsaywell
,Iwil
lnotsit
,letmegot othem and
suggestwaysofhowt heycangetusout ,whichi
swhatwear e
doing,
eveniftheydon’tl
i
stenandlookforway stoscareusoff.
Hatimbot
ya.YouseewhenIwasi nCambr i
dge…”

Hegoesof fagainonhisstrugglesabroadandallIwanttoheari
s
whi
cht opi
cswi l
lhebeex amininguson.Heal waysgivesusthe
t
opicsandmostoft heti
meshedi ct
atestousfrom hi
sheadnot
r
eadinganynot es.I
ntel
l
ectuall
yhei sabril
li
antmanbutattimesI
f
indhim overbeari
ngandov erl
ysexist.

Itur
ntolookatTafadzwaandIcanjusttel
lthatheisinheaven.
Anythi
ngpoli
ti
calspurshi
m onandthatscaresme.I ’
m notsureI
canbethatwifewhowi l
lbel
efthol
dingupbanner stobeingback
myhusbandwhenhehasbeenabduct edorwhent heybeathim
al
mostt odeat
h.Nowt heyevenabductf
ami l
ymember s.Weare
i
nahugemessandal mostastateofanarchy,butthe
anarchycomesfrom t
hosei
npower
,iti
showt
heywi
eldt
hei
r
authori
tyoverev
eryone.

Aft
ergoi ngonandon, Madhukuf i
nall
ygoest hr
ought hepaper ,
he’
sact uall
ycar r
yingt heexam paperbutheonl ygivesust opi
cs
nottheact ualwordi ngoft heexam.Ihav eaf ewtopicsthatIneed
tostrengthenmy sel fon.Todaywhent hecl assisdismissed
i
nsteadofwai tingf orev er
y onetoleave,Ileavefir
standt hat’
s
onl
ybecauseI ’
m av oidingTaf adzwa.I’
m al mosthomef r
eewhenI
bumpi ntoTwal umbaont hest ai
rsoutsidethefaculty.Hesees
meandl eaveshiscomr adest ocomet omeandIsi gh.

“Madam Pr
esident
.”Heissmil
ingsowi
del
y,hi
spearl
yteet
h
gleami
nginthesun,Ican’
thel
pbutsmi
lebackathi
m.

“Loko-l
okohowareyou?
”Ithoughti
twasimpossi
blebuthi
s
smi l
ewidens,
I’
mtheonlyoneheall
owstocal
lhim byt
hat
nickname.

“
I’
mreadyf
orwar
.”That
’sal
way
shi
sresponse.

Wokeblackrevolut
ionar
iesgot hr
oughthemost ,
whatwar?He
canj
ustsayI’mfine,wouldthathurt
.Wecontinuewalki
ngin
comfor
tabl
esilenceunti
l hecl
earshist
hroatandIknowhe
meansbusiness.
“Iam worr
iedaboutmyguy
,he’
sspi
ral
l
ingev
ersi
ncey
ou
acceptedt
hatjoboff
er.
”

Iacceptedtheoff
er,
wentfori
nt ervi
ewsandsi gnedonthedotted
l
ines.Istar
tassoonasmyexamsend.If i
guredifIandTafadzwa
aremeantt obe,wewil
lbe.Hedi dn’
ttakeitwell
,Ihavebeen
avoidi
nghim.Hemadei tobvi
ouswi thhisult
imatum andIreall
y
j
ustwantt ofocusonmyf i
nalexamswhi chstartinthr
eeweeks.

“
Itwasnev
erabouthi
m,i
twasaboutme.Ineedt
hisj
ob.
”

Iwill
notspitatmygoodf or
tune.Yes,Igotitthr
oughahookup
butpeoplealsobri
bethei
rwayi ntogett
ingtenders.Twalumba
si
ghsl i
kesomeonewhohasbeendownt hi
sroadmanyt i
mes
before.Thetrut
hishehas,overtheyearshehasputoutal otof
fi
resbetweenusandal waystri
est obethemedi atorbutIam j
ust
notsurethatIwanttogodownt hi
sroadagain.

“Youknowhowhei s,wheneverhef eelsdisconnectedfrom y

ou
hespiral
soutofcont r
ol.He’
ssayingt hingsheshoul dn’
tbesayi
ng
andI ’
mjustscaredthatheisbecomi ngmor eofatarget.I
’
m not
sayingwhathedi dwaswr ongorright.I’
mj ustbeggingyou,
pleaseMa,tal
kt oyourman.Youar ehi scalm placeandanchor.I
don’twanthim nottogethistr
anscriptorev enworse…”
Het rai
lsoffanddoesn’tmenti
ont heworsebutIhaveapi ct
ur ein
mymi ndandit’sbeenstucki
nmyheadev eryti
meIseeapost
from Tafadzwaonsoci almedia.Hefeel
sthreat
enedbyChat unga
andsohehasbeenmaki nghisdisdai
nclearandofcoursef or
him, i
tturnedintoapoli
ti
calwar.Ihat
ewhent hishappensbutI
woul dn’
twantany t
hinghappeningtohimtobeonmyconsci ence.
IsighandTwal umbasmi l
esbecauseheknowshe’ sgotten
throughtome.

“Fi
neI’l
lreachoutt
ohim butj
ustsoyouknow,
I’
veal
ready
acceptedthejobandI’
m notgoi
ngbackonmyword.
”Her ai
ses
hishandsinaconcil
iat
orymanner.

“Iwouldhavedonethesamet oo,
pri
nciplesdon’
tputfoodont he
tabl
e,Iknowthatmorethananyoneelse.Thethingisyouand
Valent
inearebothst
rong-
wil
ledandyety oucalm eachother
downandt hat
’saspecial
thi
ng.Evenifyoudon’tgetbackwith
himjusttal
ktohim,youknowhowt ohandl ehi
m whenheget s
l
ikethi
s.”

Wesepar atewhenIgett oSwint

onandIgot omyr oom.Ifeelt
his
tensi
onbet weenmyshoul der
sandIknowi t’
sfrom al
lthe
worryi
ngI ’
vebeendoi ng.Twalumbai
sr i
ght.Iunbl
ockTafadzwa
andhesitatebeforecall
inghim.Hepicksupalmosti mmediat
ely
butdoesn’tsayany t
hing.Iknowheisont heli
nebecauseIcan
hearhim breat
hing.
“Taf
adzwa, hi
,l
ookI’
m sorr
yforbl
ocki
ngyouaft
erourlastfi
ght
.
I
t’sj
ust,
”Isighbecausethi
sfeel
sli
ketoodeepaconversat
iont
o
haveoverthephone.

“
Maywepl
easemeetupandt
alk?
”

Heexpel
ssomeai
rbutst
il
ldoesn’
trespond.

“
8o'
clockatourspot
.”Idon’
twai
tforhi
mtor
espondIj
ustdr
op
t
hecall
.

TafadzwaandIhadt hemot herofallfi

ght
st hedaybef or
eIwent
i
nf ormyi ntervi
ewandt oformall
yaccepttheinternshi
pof f
er.He
couldn’tunderstandwhyIwoul d“ choosethatspoiltbr
atover
me.”Imadei tclearthattheyarebothspoiltbr
atsandei t
herway
eveni fhi
sfatherwer etogetmeaj ob,Iwouldstil
lhavesleptmy
wayi ntothatoffer.

Itwoul
dr ui
nusinthelongrun,
Ididn’
twantarelati
onshipbuil
don
dependency.Chat
ungahashisRuby ,
Isawthetabloidsonhowhe
tookhertoDubaitobuyheracar.Theyarecut
et ogetherandI
knowthatev eni
fhewantsanythi
ngfrom meitwouldpr obabl
ybe
abootycall
.
Idon’
twantmyr el
ati
onshi
pwi t
hTaf adzwatobereducedtohim
aski
nghisfathertodofavoursforme, knowingbl
ackfamil
iesi
t
wouldbeusedt oinsul
tmei nfutur
e.Idon’twantt
otaintwhatwe
have,asst
ubbornandsel f
ishashei s,he’
smysafeplaceandthe
cl
osestpersontomesi ncemymot herdied.

SomaybeIshouldmaket
hatcleart
ohim nott
hatIchose
Chat
ungaoverhi
m.Howt hatmakessensetohi
mi sbeyondme
butmenthi
nkli
keali
enst
hensaywomenar ehardtounderst
and.

Ourspoti sthehuget r
eejustacrosst heSRCbui ldi
ngandi nfront
ofthepat hwayl eadingtotheDramahal lorwhateverthathall
is
call
ed.Weshar edourf ir
stkissthereandcur vedourinit
ial
sthere,
Vhear tV.Igett herefir
st,i
t’
sabi tdarkbutt hemooni s
i
lluminati
ngev erythi
ngwi thamagni ficentsil
verl
ightandIknow
thatthereareguar dspat r
oll
ingsoIf eelsafe.Il
eanagainstthe
treeandhugmy self
.Ishouldhav ewor najacketit’
sabitchil
ly
outsi
de.

Thedoorfrom oneofthebackr oomsint heSRCbui l

dingsopens
andIseeTafadzwacomi ngout, Iwoul
dknowhi sbui
ldeveninthe
dar
k.Hemakeshi swaydownt hemet alstai
rs,hi
sfootfal
lsheavy
andnoisy
.He’sont hepathwaycomi ngt owardsmewhenoutof
nowhereagroupofmensur roundhi m.

Iwantt
oscr
eam butsel
f-
preser
vat
ionhasmymout
hseal
ed.
Maybeit
’speopl
eheknowsbutsomethi
ngaboutthei
rstance
scr
eamsmenacingeveni
fIcan’
thearwhatoneofthem i
ssaying
toTaf
adzwa.

Ital
l happenssof ast,onemi nutet
heyaresurr
oundinghi
m,
i
nterrogatinghi
mi nhushedt onesandthenexthe’
sbeingki
cked
tothegr oundandt heyareal lki
cki
nghi
m atthesamet i
me.Each
thudf eel
sl i
kei
t’
sapunchl andinginmystomach.I’
m scar
edthat
i
fIrunt ohi mtheymi ghtjustgrabmeandgangr apemebutIjust
can’tnotdoany thing.

Onemanhashi sbootonTaf adzwa’ shead, gr

indinghisfaceinto
thedirtandhel ooksmydi rect i
onasi fhecanf eel mygaze.Isl i
de
closertothetreeI’
m hiddeni nt hedarknessbutIcanseehi sface
clearl
yinthemoonl i
ght.Hehasascarsl ashedacr osshisface
andt hecongealedskinglistensi nthemoonl i
ght,justl
ookingat
hisuglyfacemakesmyst omacht urn.Asdot heki ckswhichkeep
raini
ngonTaf adzwa.Iam hol di
ngmybr eath,hopi ngthathe
doesn’tseemebutaf terasecondhel ooksawayandgoesback
togrindi
ngTaf adzwa’
sf acei ntothegr avell
ydirt.

Isl
idef
urtherawayfrom thei
rsi
deofthet r
eeandwhenI’m sure
noonecanseeme, Itakeoutmyphonet otextTwal
umba.My
handsareshakingbutImanagetosendt hetextanddi
alhi
s
number.I
’m prayi
ngthatheseesmyt extontimeandItr
ytoclose
myearsfrom thesoundsofTafadzwa’smuf f
ledscr
eams.Ipray
f
orthefi
rstti
mesinceIpr
ay edformymotheraf
terseei
ngheri
n
t
hathospit
albedandtheprayerissi
mil
ar.

“
Godpl
easedon’
tlethi
m di
e,don’
tlett
hem ki
l
lhi
m.”

.
..
..
..
..
..

Iwon'tbewr i
ti
ngextrai
nsertsbutImadethisoneext r
along(over
3000wor dsand5pages) .Thankyouforyourpat
ienceandpl ease
al
lowmet hecreat
ivespacetoappearrealwi
theventsthatdidn'
t
happen,IknowIusesomechar act
ersyoumightbef amil
iarwith
butj
ustremembert hisisawor koffi
cti
on.

Ment
ionthatf
ri
endthatyouthinkwi
llenj
oyt
hisr
idei
t'
saboutt
o
beal
lki
ndsofturbul
entupinthisbi
*ch.

P.
Swenowhav ecopi
esofFal
l
encandlei
nExcl
usi
veBooks,
Windhoek,Nami
bia ,howmanyreadi
ngt
hisst
oryar
ein
Namibia?

Lov
eandl
i
ght
Sunshi
neandShadows

Twent
y-one(
Par
tone)

Idon’tknowwhent hishor r
ibl
enight mar eisgoingt oendbutI ’
m
numbt oitnow.I’v
ebeennumbev ersinceTwal umbaandhi s
crewcamer unni
ngoutoft heSRCbui ldingandt hemenat tacking
Tafadzwar anaway .Theguy stookchasebutIr ushedt o
Tafadzwaandasl ongasIl i
veIwi l
lnev erfor
gett hewheezing
soundhewasmaki ngt r
yingtobr eathe.Iwant edt otouchhim,
cradl
ehi mi nmyar msbutTwal umbasai dIshoul dn’ti
ncase
somet hingwashor ribl
ywr ongwi t
hhi m andmyt ouchaggr avated
hi
scondi t
ion.

Ithurtlooki
ngathi mlikethatal lbl
oodied,Icouldn’
tseehis
beautifuleyes,
ohhowIl ongedt oseehi mf l
ashinghisbril
l
iant
teethatme.Hewasi ntoomuchpai nandbar el
ycli
ngingtohis
l
ife.Ikeephear i
ngthet huddingsoundofar myboot sconnecti
ng
withhi sfl
esh,t
hecr unchingofhi sbones.Ihav eseenthenews
andv ideosofbrutal
itybutwi tnessi
ngitisanot herl
evel.My
stomachi schurningfrom t heimageoft hatmanwi thascar
grindi
ngTaf adzwa’sfacei ntothedirt
.Ican’tseem tobeabl et
o
shaket hatimageoutofmymi nd.

Theambul
ancecameaf
tert
hepol
i
ce,
whower
edi
sint
erest
edand
keptt
heli
neofquestioningthatpoi
ntedthewhol
eatt
ackonme.
EvenwhenIt ol
dthem speci
fical
l
ythatthosemenwereei
therCI
D
ormil
it
ary
, t
heysaidIhav easugardaddywhosentt
hugsto
att
ackTafadzwa,Iam numb.

IwishIhadn’tspentsolongwithouttal
kingtohi
m, nowallIcan
doisstareathim,everypartofhi
sbodyi sbandaged,evenhis
fi
ngers.Iwanttotouchhim butIam afrai
dthatIwil
lhurthi
m and
ther
eisnoski nlef
ttotouch.Whent heambulancepeopleli
fted
him uphedoubledov erandvomitedblood,t
hatcan’tbegood
ri
ght?

I
’m grat
efulf
orTafadzwabei ngwell-
offandaf f
ordingpr i
vat
ecare.
Whenwegother elastni
ghthewasr ushedtosurger yandthere
wasadoct oronhandwhohadal readybeenbr i
efed.Twal umbais
theonewhof il
l
edt hehospital
formswhi leIpacedlikea
madwomani nthecorri
dor.Theywerei nthatoperati
onr oom unt
il
theearl
yhoursoft hemorning.Thedoct orcameoutl ookingli
ke
hewascomi ngf r
om thetrenches.

“Thenext72hourswill
bev er
ycri
ticalt
odet erminewhathappens
tohim,oneofhisri
bspuncturedhislef
tlung.Ihav eneverseen
suchabatteredbodybefor
e,it
’sl
ikehewascr ushedbya
bull
dozert
henumberofbr okenbonesi nsi
de.Iwon’ tpr
omiseyou
anythi
ngbecausehe’snotoutofthewoodsy et,
”thedoctor'
s
wordsareringi
nginmyearsandIcan’ thelpbutthinkoftheworst
scenari
os,
Tafadzwawakingupandhecan’
twal
kbecausethey
crushedhi
sspinalcor
d.Taf
adzwal
yingi
nanopencasket
.

Posi
ti
vethought
sVi
mbai
,posi
ti
vet
hought
sot
her
wisey
ouwi
l
l
st
artspi
ral
li
ng.

Itrytobreatheinandexhalebutthenthequest i
onspopup.How
didthosepeopl ewithgunssl
ungacr ossthei
rshouldersgetint
o
thecollegepremises?Howdi dtheyknowwewer egoingtobe
meet i
ngort hatTafadzwawouldcomeoutoft heSRCbui l
ding
alone?Thequest i
onsar emakingmedi zzysoIholdontothe
met albedforsupport.Twal
umbacl earshist
hroatandIturnmy
ti
redey estohim.

“I
t’
smor ningalr
eadyMadam President
,don’
tyouthinky
oushoul
d
gobat handhavebreakfastt
hencomeback? ”Ishakemyhead
andthemov ementonl
ymakest hetear
sthatIwasholdi
ng
hostageinmyey es,l
eakontomyf ace.

Ibr
ushthet
earsof
fwiththebackofmyhandandTwal
umba
l
ooksawaybuthesti
l
ltal
ks.

“
Thedoct
orssai
ditcant
akehim upto72hourstowakeupfrom
t
hesur
gery,
youneedtor
est,
bath,getsomefoodandstudy
.I
knowmybrotherwon’
tbehappyifyoufai
lbecauseoft
his.Hewi
l
l
befi
ne,
hisf
atherhasorgani
sedguardsoutsi
dehisr
oom. ”

Tafadzwa’ spar
entsareinLondonforsomemeet ingandtheyare
try
ingt ocomebackbuti t’
scompli
catedsoIdon’ tknowwhen
theywi l
lcome.Iheardthisfr
om t
hedoct or.Al
thoughIwantt o
protest,IknowthatasalwaysTwalumbaspeakssense.Ist il
ll
et
myf ingersli
ngeronhisbandagedfaceandIwonderi fhe’sgoing
togetanyscar s.Idon’
twanttoentert
aintheideaofhim not
maki ngit.Howwoul dIbeablet
oli
v ewithmy sel
f?

Iwishli
fewasl ikeaLokshi nBiskopwer eal
l i
sf orgi
ven, Tafadzwa
miracul
ouslyheal sandweal lli
vehappi l
yeveraf t
er.Ileavehis
room wit
hi t
ssi ckeningl
ycheerfulorangepaint.Twalumbai s
quiet
lywalki
ngnextt ome.Wedon’ tsayawor dunt ilwear eoutof
AvenuesClinic.Anyot herdayIwoul dbemusi ngatt hedécor ,at
theredcouchesatt herecept
ionar ea.

I
’mtryingtocrackmymindandcomeoutwi thasol i
dreasonwhy
any
onewoul dwanttohurtTafadzwa.Clear
ly,i
twasanambush
wai
tingtohappenandIcanonl ywonderhowt heyknewofour
meeting.Twalumbahascal
ledat axiandwewai tundertheshade,
l
eaningagainstthel
edgewit
ht heplacar
dwrit
tenAv enuesCli
nic.

“
Idi
dn’
tsethi
m up,
youknowt
hatr
ight
?Youhav
etobel
i
eveme
TwalumbaIwoul
dneverintent
ionall
yhurtTafadzwali
ket
hat.
”
Therei
sadesper
ateurgencyinmyv oi
cethatIhatesomuchbutI
real
l
yneedatl
eastonepersont hatbel
iev
esinme.

Twal
umbasighsandsnapsoutofwhat
everdarkthought
sthathe
washav
ing.Hesqueezesmyhandinareassur
ingmanner.

“
Thethoughtneverevencrossedmymi nd.Ifeel
badforaski
ng
y
outoreachout.Itwouldhavehappenedwi t
horwit
houtyou.”

Ther eli
efi
ssopalpablet
hatIbreakint
ot ears,
theev ent
sof
yesterdaymakemesobhar derandTwal umbal etsmecr yunti
l
thetaxicomes.Af
t ermycry
ingsession,Ifeell
ighterandreadyto
takeonany thi
ngt
hattheworldthrowsatme.

……

Sor
ryf
ort
hel
ateandshor
tinser
tIwi
l
lty
pet
her
estofi
ttomor
row.

Goodnews,Fal
lenCandl
ewi
llsoonbeav
ail
abl
eforpur
chaseon
Amazon,onl
yinpaper
backf
ornow.

Lov
eandLi
ght
Sunshi
neandShadows

Twent
y-one(
Par
t2)

“UnderPar tXIVAoft heCriminalProcedur eandEv i

denceAct
[Chapter9:07],vul
nerablewitnesses,thatispersonswhoar e
l
ikelytosuf f
ersubstantial
emot ionalstressfrom gi
vingevidence,
orarelikelytobeintimidated—ar eaffor dedsomer eli
effr
om the
str
essesofgi vingtheirevi
dencei nopencour t.Themostusual
categoriesofv ul
nerablewitnessesarewomenandchi ldr
enwho
arev i
cti
msofcr i
me.”

Ipauseandputthenot
esdownwhenIt
hinkIspotsome
mov ementf
rom Taf
adzwa.

Fal
seal
arm.

Istr
etchmyneckandtrytosi
tabi tmorecomfort
ablyandI
conti
nuetor
eadoutloudCrozier
’scri
minalpr
ocedurenotes.I
’v
e
beencomingi
nev er
ydayandIst udyoutl
oudsot hati
fTafadzwa
canhearme,i
tmighthelphi
m studyaswell.I
thasbeenfivedays
si
ncehissur
geryandhehasn’twokenupy et.
Thedoctor
ssayi t
’sok,he’
sheal
ingnicelyandmay behi
sbody
neededtoshutdownf orhimtohealquicker
.Theysaythe
swell
ingar
oundhisbr ai
nhasgonedownandt her
ewasnobr ai
n
damage.Nowwej usthavetopr
aythathisspinal
codewasn’t
damagedeither
.

Thebandageshavecomeof finsomepar t
sofhisbody .I’
m
alwaysherewhenthenursescleanhiswoundswi t
hant isept
ic
andIalwayscri
ngeonhisbehalf.Hisli
psareburstandcr acked,
I
tr
ytoapplysomelipbal
m ont hem nowandagain.Hi soneey eis
swollent
oalmostthr
eetimesi t
ssize,i
fhewereawakeIdoubthe
wouldbeabletomov ei
t.Therearealotofcutsandbr uiseson
hisfacebutwearenotsureifanyofthem wil
ll
eav eaper manent
scar.

Thepol i
cecamet oquestionme, mor el
ikeharassme, the
fol
lowingdayandwehav en’theardfrom t
hem since.Youwould
expectthemediatohav ebeenupi narmsandt hestudentbodyto
beprotesti
nglef
t,ri
ghtandcent re.Besi
desaf ewmumbl ed
l
ament ati
ons,
noonei swi ll
i
ngt osayany t
hing.Noonewant sto
rocktheboatincasetheyar enext.

Aboywhowassi l
ent l
yprotest
inginfrontofhishomewi t
ha
placardgotpul
l
edinf orquesti
oningandwasl aterdet
ained
withoutchar
ge.Theirinti
midat
iontacticsarewor ki
ng,i
fyouwant
tokill
asnakeaimf oritsheadandt her estofi
tsbodyisrender
ed
useless.
Ther estoft
heSRCismov i
ngonwi ththei
rli
vesandprepari
ngf or
thei
rexams.Theydroppedinthefi
rstthr
eeday sandnowonl y
Twalumbacomes.For t
unat
elyforme, l
essonshaveoffi
cial
l
y
stoppedandsoIwakeupev erymor ni
ng,bathandcarr
ymybooks
tocomeandst udyi
nthehospital
.

Nosiwakesmeupwi thoutf
ailt
oprayat3a. m.shedoesthe
prayi
ngandIjustcl
aspherhand.Tafadzwa'sparent
sar est
il
lon
thei
rwayormay betheydecidedtofi
nishthei
rtri
pfi
rstbutI
’m
happythatt
hereisalwaysaguardoutsidehisroom.

Myphoneringsanddreadpoolsupinthepi
tsofmystomach,i
t’
s
Chat
unga.Icont
emplateignor
inghi
m butmaybetal
ki
ngtohim
woul
dhelpmegaugehi sinvol
vement.

“
Heyshawt
y,howar
eyoudoi
ng.
”

Hisvoicesoundsli
kei
tsnormall
ychi
l
ledoct
ave.Ir
espondi
nki
nd
tr
yingtocamouflaget
heexhausti
oni
nmyv oi
ceasmuchas
possibl
e.

“I
’
m goodtoo,
li
stenIjustwant
edt
ochecki
fyouaccept
edt
he
off
erandhowdiditgo?”
Ifeelbad,wi
thal
lthatwashappeni
ngwi
thTafadzwaIdidn’
t
communi cat
ewithChatungahowmyint
erv
iewwent.Ifeell
i
kean
ungratef
ulbi
tch.

“I
’
m sor r
yIdi
dn’tgetbacktoyou,Iwentf
orthei
ntervi
ewt henmy
boyfr
iendgothospit
ali
zedsoit’
sbeenabithect
ic.Iacceptedt
he
off
er,thanky
ouagai nfort
heplug.”

“I
t’
sallgood,
I’
m sor
ryt
ohearabouty
ourboy
fri
end,
Ihopeheget
s
bett
er.Youarewel
comeandift
heygivey
ouanygri
ef,
justl
etme
know.”

Idon’tknowhowt ofeelaft
ert hatcal
l,hewasn’tt ooinv
asiv
e
whenIt alkedaboutmyboy friendsoIwoul dn’tsayhewasf ishi
ng
fori
nformat ionbutwhati fthat’sbecauseheal readyknows
everythi
ngt hatishappeningandhewasj ustsassi ngmeout.I
can’thel
pmypar anoi
a.Butt r
y i
ngtof i
gureoutwhoi sbehi
nd
Tafadzwa’ sattackisaheadachet hatIcan’taff
ordr i
ghtnow.I
needt ofocusonmyst udi
es.

“I
facour tconsi
derst hatawit
nessisv ulnerableandneeds
protection,t
hecour tcandoanyoft hef oll
owing,eit
heronitsown
voli
tionoronappl icati
onoftheprosecut ororaccused; t
heycan
appoi ntaninter
medi aryorasupportper sonforthewitness;or
dir
ectt hatthewitnessshouldgiveevidencef rom aplace,i
nor
awayfr
om theaccused’
spresence,
wher
ethewi
tnessi
sli
kel
yto
suf
ferl
essstr
essorinti
midati
on…”

I’
mi nter
ruptedbyt hedooropeningandanol der,greyingv ersi
on
ofTafadzwawal ksi ncladinanunder stated,yetclearlyItali
an
thr
ee-piecesuitandI t
ali
anshoes.Behi ndhi misar eal -
lif
eblack
Barbiedoll
.Herl ashesar elongandcur l ontopofherbi gdoll-
li
ke
eyes,herred-l
ipstickisper f
ectl
yappli
edonherpout ylips.Nota
str
andofhai rort hreadi soutofplaceinherChanel suitandher
bejewell
edhandi sclutchingaPr adabagl ikeit’
shermostpr ized
possession.

Theysmel ll
ikemoneyandinsteadoffocusingontheirbandaged
sonall
theirfocusseemstobeonme.Igr eetthem andonlythe
fat
herrespondswar ml
ywhilehiswif
eissizingmeupandshe
seemsdi sgustedbymeorshe’sconsti
pated.

“Yougotmysonher
e,”shesay
swit
houtpreambleandshe’
s
chargi
ngt
owardsmewhenherhusbandholdsherarmfi
rmly
.

“Yoursongothimsel
fhere,I
’v
ebeent
ell
i
nghimtoleavepoli
tics
andfocusonschool.Noneofthi
swoul
dhavehappened.”There
i
sacer tai
nlev
elofauthor
it
yinhi
svoi
cewhi
chmakesi teasyt o
underst
andhowhecanhol ddownsomanyboardposit
ions.
Hetur nstomeandasksmewhathappened.Icl earmyt hroatand
tel
lthem howhi sfri
endaskedmet oreachouttohim becausehe
hadbeenst arti
ngtroubleonsoci almediaandhowt hatwhi l
eI
waswai ti
ngf orhim underourspotinf r
ontofthetree,Isawhi m
comi ngaswel lasthesubsequentambush.Hi sfatherl i
stens
att
ent i
vel
yandwant smet odescr i
bethement hatat t
ackedhi s
sonandhet akespar t
icul
ari
nterestinthemanwi thascar .

“Itcouldhavebeenanyone,butIthi
nkit
’sanattackonmeaswel l
.
Irefusedt ogi
veoneofthestoresoverandto“donate”t
othei
r
cause.Oneoft hepoli
ti
cianseventhr
eatenedme.Itdoesn’
thel
p
thatTaf adzwaisal
wayspokingthehornet’
sbest.

“Butt
hepolicesaid…”thespoi
ltwhini
ngtoneinTafadzwa’s
mother'
svoiceremindsmeofwhathesai dabouther .Hecall
ed
heraspoil
t,ai
rheadwhoi satrophywif
e.Attheti
meIr ebuked
himfortal
ki
ngl i
kethatabouthisownmot herbuthi
sanswerwas;

“Apar
tfrom car
ryi
ngmef orni
nemont hs,
thatwomanhasnever
motheredme.Idoubtthatshehasanymot her
ingbonei
nher
body,shetr
iesbutIt
hinkshewasreli
evedthatIwasaboyand

shehaddoneherdut
ytopr
ovi
deanhei
r.Herbagsandshoesar
e
herchi
l
dren.
”
Icanseeitnow, notoncehasshel ookedi
nherson'sdi r
ecti
onor
tr
iedtoholdhi
shand.Hi sf
atherseemsmor econcernedandshe
i
ssulkingwhil
ethr owingmewi ther
ingmeanlooks.Ipickupmy
bookstogivethem somespaceasaf ami
l
ytobond.I ’
m saying
mygoodby eswhenahandcl utchesmyarm andIalmostj ump
outofmyskininf right
.

.
..
..
.

Thankyoufory
ourpatience.I
fyoueverneedt
oknowany thing
aboutmybooksjustshoutout,I
'
m av
ailabl
eonTwit
ter
,Instagram,
FacebookandWhatsApp.

Enj
oyt
her
estofy
ourweek.

Lov
eandLi
ght

Busi
seki
l
eKhumal
o
Sunshi
neandShadows

Twent
y-t
wo

“…Candi datesyouareencouragedtoreadcarefull
ythe
i
nst ructi
onsont heexaminati
onpaperinfrontofyou.Compl et
e
thequest ionnumbersyouhav eansweredont hefrontpageofthe
script/examinati
onbooklet
.Indi
cateyourcandidatedetai
lsonthe
frontcov erofthescr
ipt
/booklet
.

Cheatingisnottol
erated,andthosecaughtcheatingar
e
subjectedtodisci
pli
naryprocedures.Candi
datesareadvi
sedt
o
prepareforexaminati
onsandnev ert ot
rycheati
ng.The
consequencesofcheat i
ngi nexaminati
onsaretoonastyto
contemplate…”

Nomat terhowmanyt i
mesIhavesathereinthishal
landlist
ened
totheinstr
ucti
ons,Isti
ll
can’
tgetoverthefi
nali
tyofexaminati
ons.
Theloudv oi
ceboomi ngthr
oughouttheGreatHalli
smakingmy
handssweat yandIwishitwoul
dstop.Ofcourse,itwon’
tuntilal
l
theinst
ructi
onsarereadoutsoItunehim outinst
ead.

Idon’
tknowhowIwi l
lmanagetostoopoverforover3hours,
my
shoul
dersfeel
li
keIwascarr
yingpocket
sofcementt hr
oughout
theweekend.Myshoul
der
sarewoundupi ntautknots,
Iam
car
ryi
ngal
lthepr
obl
emsoft
hewor
ldonmyshoul
der
s.

Il
ookacr osst hebackonmyl eftsideandTaf adzwai sr
ightt
here
attheback, hisdesksl i
ghtl
yapar tfrom otherdesks.AsIhave
beendoi ngt hr oughouttheexams, Ilookathim andasifhefeels
myey es, hel ooksupatmeandt r
iest ogivemear eassuri
ng
smile.Hislef tar mi si
nasling,hisf ootisi
nacastspr awledout,
hencet her easonf orhi
sdeskbei ngabi tf
urt
herapartfr
om others
andhi sheadi sbandaged, buthei nsistedontakingtheexams
wit
hus.St upi d,stubbornman.

Thedoct orssayhisrecoveryhasbeennot hi
ngshortofami r
acle,
Isayit’
sjusthim provi
ngapoi ntthathewi ll
notbestoppedor
i
ntimidatedbyat huggishmili
taryjunta,hi
swor dsnotmine.His
swell
inghasgonedownconsi derably
, hi
sburstli
psarealmost
ful
lyhealed.Healmostl ooksli
ket heboyI '
m cr
azyaboutagain.

Itearmyey esawayf r
om hi
m andt r
ytoclearmymi nd,thisisi
t
forme.Ei ghteeny earsofst
udy i
ng,i
ncludi
ngpreschool,haveall
culminatedt othisdayandIcannotaf fordtof
ail
.Ihav eto
graduatet hi
sy ear,Istar
tworknextweekandI '
l
lstartsavingup
formyr egistrati
oni nt
othelegalf
rat
ernit
y.Noneofthatwi ll
happeni fIfail.

Thepastf
ewweekshav
ebeenabl
uroft
ryi
ngt
okeepmyhead
afloat
,Iwouldstudyever
ydaywi thTafadzwaatt hehospit
al unt
il
thedayjustbeforeexams,hedemandedt obedischargedfrom
thehospit
alandnowhei sst ay
ingathishome.Idi dn’
twantt ogo
studyathishomesonowIonl yseehimj ustbef
or eandafteran
exam whenei t
herofhisparent
sdr opshim of
f.

“Youareremindedt hatcel
lphonesar
est ri
ctl
yprohi
bit
edandif
youarefoundwit honeony ourper
sony ouwillbedi
squali
fi
edand
escort
edoutoft hebuildi
ng.I
fyouhavey ourphoneony our
personnowwi l
lbeagoodt i
met oswi
tchi tof
f.Theti
mei s9
o'cl
ockandyoumaybegi nyourexaminati
on,goodluck.
”

Itur
novertheexam paperandthefi
rstquesti
onthr
owsmeof f,
I
takeadeepbreathandtryt
ogivemy selfapeptal
k.Youknow
every
thi
ngaboutsubpoenasandhowt oprot
ectwit
nessesVi
mbai,
j
ustbreat
heandr eadthequest
ionagain.

Asifmockingme, Crozi
erwal
kspastmewi t
hhi shandsstapled
behindhi
sst oopingbackandIwanttojumpathi m anddemand
toknowwhyt heydonotusesimpleEngli
shlanguagetoaskt hei
r
questi
ons.“Actorii
ncumbitpr
obat
io”Whatinheav en'
snamedoes
thatmaxim evenmean.“ Ambi
guit
ascontrasti
pulator
em est”Kil
l
menow.

Af
teral
otofshuf
fl
ingandt
humbi
ngt
hrought
heCr
imi
nal
Procedur
eAct,Istar
twr i
ti
ngdownmyanswer s.OnceIstart
writi
ngmostofmyanxi etyfall
soffandevery
thi
ngelsefades
awayexceptformeandt hel aw.Mypenisflyi
ngoffthepaper,
tr
yingtogetal
lthequestionsansweredbeforetheexam ends.

Whoev ercameupwi t
hexami nati
ons?Therehastobeabetter
wayoft esti
ngourunder
standingbesi
descrammi ngthewhole
syl
labusinto3hoursofanswer i
ngquest
ionsthatyoudon’
teven
understand.

“Attentionstudentswrit
ingpaperMCPH501, pleasetur
nyour
attent i
ont oquest
ionsix…”myhear talmostl eaptoutofmyski n
whent heboomi ngvoicecameonagai n,Idon’ tevenknowwhat
cour seisMCPH501.Ihat ebeingstartl
ed,thesamewayIwas
startledwhenTaf adzwahel dmyhandbecausehedi dn’
twantme
togo.Notonl ywasheawake, buthealsochasedouthi sparent
s
soonaf teraski
ngforwat er
.Myhear tsettl
esandIgobackt o
writi
ng.

Whenthosewr i
ti
ngat wo-hourpaperleavethehall
,amidthe
soundofscr
apingchairsanddraggingf eet
,Iam onl
yhalfway
thr
oughmypaper .It
ryhardnottopani candIquickenmypace,at
thi
srat
e,Iwi
llbeluckyifCrozi
ercanreadwhatI ’
vewr i
tt
en,my
handwri
ti
nghast ur
nedintohier
oglyphics.
“Thr
ee-hourpaper
s,youarelef
twi t
htenminut
esbefor
eyour
exam endsyouareremindedthatyouarenotal
lowedt
oleav
ethe
room i
ntheremaini
ngtenmi nutes.
”

Atthi
spoint
,myhandhurtsbutIsti
ll
haveonequest
iontoanswer
soIignor
ethepainandtr
ynottoletthepani
cwashoverme.I
thi
nkofmymot hercal
l
ingmehersmar tgir
landt
hatcal
msme.

Thi
sonei
sfory
oumama.

Bythet i
mewear etol
dt oputourpensdown, Iam writ
ingthelast
l
ineandbyt het i
meCr oziercomesar oundtoputt heextrastr
ingI
requestedtobindtogethermyanswersheet s,Imanagedt owr i
te
afewmor eanswersthatIhadl ef
tblank.Idon’tknowi fIpassed
thi
sexam ornotbutIf ranklydon’
tcar eri
ghtnow.Al l
Iwantt odo
i
ssl eep.

“
Youl
ookbushed.
”

Tafadzwa’sv oicefindsmeamongstalltheexcitedchatterar ound

us.Isinkintohi sonearm,car
efulnott
ohur thim.Under neathal l
hisfal
sebr avadoIknowhi sbodyissti
l
lsor e.Ial
mostl osthim,
thebeat i
ngs,thetimehewasi nthehospital
,thequestioningf r
om
thepolice,t
hej absf r
om hi
smotherandt heconstantfeart hatthe
manwi thascaronhi sfacewill
comebackt ofinishhisjoborthat
hesawmeandhewi llcomet osil
enceme.Al ltheemot i
onst hatI
hadt opushawaybecauseIhadt ofocusonmyexami nati
ons,
theycomecr ashingdownonmeandI ’
mt ooexhaust edtoeven
sobsot hetearsform asilentst
ream downmyf ace.Mybodyi s
shakingandTaf adzwahol dsmecl osertohim ev enwhenIt r
y
pull
ingback,hehol dsme.

“
Shhhi
t’
sokaybaby
,I’
m her
e.I
t’
sov
er.
”

Howcanhesayi t
’sov
erwhenwehav enoideawhosentt hose
ment ohithim andift
heyweresentjustt
oscarehim orkillhi
m?
Whatiftheycomet of
ini
shwhattheystart
ed?Aretheytail
inghim
ordotheyhav esomeoneont heinsi
despy i
ngonTafadzwa?I t
doesnothel pthathei
nsist
sthatthi
swill
notdeterhi
mf rom his
pol
it
icalpath.

Ibeggedandbeggedandheonl yagreedtocooldownont he
provocat
ivesoci
almediapostsforawhil
e.Myfaceisburiedin
hi
schestandhi ssmell
iscrowdingmysenses.West ayl
ikethi
s
unti
ltheoverwhel
mingemot i
onspassandIfeelasli
ghtasaki t
e.

“
DidIhur
tyou?
”
IaskasIwi
pethetearswit
hthebackofmyhand.He’slooki
ngat
mewi t
hsomuchtendernessi
nhiseyes,
Imi
ghtjuststartcr
ying
agai
nsoIshi
ftmyey esfr
om hi
s.

“I
’m ok.Iwanttothanky ouVimbai,forgett
ingmehel pand
helpi
ngmest udy.Lyinginthathospital
bed, al
lIcoul
dthinkof
wasget ti
ngbacktoy ou.Heari
ngy ourvoiceeverydaykeptme
going.
”

Hi
sintensit
ywarmsmycheeksandIbr
ushof
fhi
sthanks.Idi
dit
al
loutoflove.

Wear enowwal ki
ngslowl
ytowardsthecarpar
k,hisonearm
aroundmeandI ’m hi
ssuppor
tbecausehedecidedtoleavehi
s
crutchi
nt hecar
.Twalumbahelpedhi
mt otheGreatHallwhenhe
camei nthemorning.

“
Aboutwhatyouwant
edust
otal
kaboutwheny
ouaskedust
o
meetatourspot
,”

It
ryt
owav ehim of
fandnothav
ethi
sconversat
ionbuthehol
ds
mychinandfor
cesmet ol
ookathi
m whi
leleani
ngagainstat
ree
i
nthecarpar
k.
“Iwasbei ngasel fi
shpr i
ckandi ttookmeal mostdy i
ngtoreal
ize
thatli
feist ooshortVimbai .I
fthatjobmakesy ouhappy ,
Iwon’t
standiny ourway .Ican’tquesti
ony ourloy
alt
y ,Ihavetotrustt
hat
youar emi nenowandnot hingornoonecanst andi nthewayof
ourlove.I’
m notgi vingyoupermi ssion,becausei twasnev ermine
togiveint hefir
stplace,butIwon’ tstandiny ourway .Iwil
l
swallowwhat everfeel
ingsIhav eagai nstt
hatbr atandbet he
mostsuppor ti
veboy fr
iendinthehi storyofboyfriends.
”

Ididn’texpecthi
mt osayal lt
hissoIdon’tknowwhatt osay,he
rubsmychi nandthatremindsmet hatIhaven’thadanysexin
closet oamont hnow.I’m abouttosaysomet hingwhenhis
mot herstart
shootingi
nsistentl
y.Thatwomanknowshowt o
grindmyt it
s.Tafadzwafrownsbuthehugsmeandgi vesmea
shortkissbeforeli
mpingov ertothecar.

“
I’
ll
cal
lyou!
”

Heshoutswhenheget st
ot hepassengerdoorandIsmi l
eand
waveathim, beforehedi
sappearsint
ohismot her
’shugeSUV.I
canseethem ar gui
ngbef
oreshest ar
tsthecaranddriv
esoff
whil
esti
l
l t
alking.

……
Goodmor
ningf
ami
l
y,her
e'st
oapr
oduct
iveweekahead.

Greatnews,Fal
lenCandlei
sfinal
lyavai
labl
eonAmazonandyour
supportwouldbehighl
yappreci
ated.Youcangeti
tont
hisl
ink

ht
tps:
//www.
amazon.com/Fal
l
en-
Candl
e-Busi
seki
l
e-
Khumalo/
dp/
0620882573/
Sunshi
neandShadows

Twent
y-t
hree

TW:
hur
tful
wor
ds

Afterwaki
ngupfr
om mywel l
-deserv
ednapIthi
nkaboutcall
i
ng
myf at
herandl
ett
inghim knowt hatIgotaj
ob.Hi
sphonerings
foralongti
mebeforehi
swi feanswer s.

“
Vimbai
whatdoy
ouwantnow?
”

Itakeadeepbreathandasktotal
ktomyf at
her,
shesucksher
teethandIhearsomeshuff
li
ng.Whydidsheevenanswerhis
phone?Doessheknowhowexpensi veai
rt
imeisnow?Iwai twhi
l
e
Ihearhershouti
ngformyfat
her.Heevent
uall
ycomesont he
phone.

“Mwanangu,Iam sohappyt
hatyoucal
led.Iwant
edtocalland
askyouwhenwear eexpect
ingyouhome.”Hesaysaftert
he
greet
ingsar
eoutoftheway.Icl
earmythroat,
Idon’
tknowwhy
I
’m suddenl
yner
vous.
“That
’swhyIcal
l
edbaba,If
oundajobandIst
artnextweek.I
t’
s
herei
nHararesoIwon’
tbecominghome.”

Hemakessomehappynoi sesandstartschant
ingmytotems
whil
et hanki
ngGodatthesamet i
me, Ihearmyauntaski
ngwhat
al
lthecommot i
onisaboutinthebackgroundandmyf at
hert
ell
s
herthatIgotaj
ob.

“Zvagaramwanawakouy uanohur
a,(Thi
schi
ldofyourshas
alwaysbeenwhori
ngaround,
)shefoundthej
obfrom openi
ngher
l
egsj ustl
i
kehermother
.”

Ishouldbeusedtoherwor dsr
ightnowbutt heystil
lcutdeep,
theyhitt
ooclosebecauseIquesti
oni fIhadn’
tsleptwit
h
ChatungawouldIhavegottenthejob.Whatdoesshemeanj ust
l
ikemymot her?Thevoicescomebacki nful
lvengeance.

“
Youar
eaf
ail
ure.
”

“
Youwi
l
lnev
eramountt
oany
thi
ng.
”

“Youwi
l
lrotjustl
i
keyourno-
goodmot her
.Themaggot
sar
e
havi
ngafi
elddaywit
hherdiseasedbodyri
ghtnow.
”
“Haanakunakauyu,
kutsv
ukakungehukuchet
e.”Whenev
er
anyonewouldcompli
mentmybeautyoutsi
det
hehouse.

“
Vimbai
!Vimbai
?Hel
l
o?Iwassay
ingy
oushoul
dgoandst
aywi
th
y
ouruncl
eBen.”

Thisvoi
cesoundsdi
ffer
ent
,it
’smyf at
herandhe’
ssti
llont heli
ne
butIcan’
tbr
ingmyselft
omov e.Oncethevoi
cesstar
t,theytake
overmybodyandplungemeintomemor iest
hatIpai
nst aki
ngly
l
ockedaway.

Aweekaf t
ermymot her’
sfuneralwhent
heysatmedown, my
father’
sf amilyandmot her'
sfamilyandt
oldmet hatMai nini
Tsungi woul dnowbemymot her.It
oldt
hem Idon’twantanew
mot her,Iwant edmyol dmother.Iwascall
edmanner lessanda
whol elotofot hernames.Icleanedmyfir
sttoil
etthenextday .I
gotbur ntbyapott hatt
ippedoverthest
ovewi t
hsimmer i
ng
porridgebecauseIwasbei ngtaughthowtocook.Ist i
llhav et
he
greypat chonmyt hingbutit
’sgrownsmallerovertheyear s.

IfIdi
dn’tknowsomet hi
ngIwascal ledstupi
d,uselessandevery
othernamet hatIcan’
tseem t
oshakeoutofmyheadr ightnow.
Whenshegav ebirt
hitbecamewor se,Iwasn’tal
lowedan
all
owancet oschoolbecausethatmoneyshoul dgot oherchil
d,
howImanagedt opassissorelythankstomypr i
mar yschool
teacher
s.MrsNcubeinpar
ti
cul
ar.Ist
artedfail
ingtobr
inga
signedhomeworkandzoni
ngoutduri
ngl essons.Shesatme
downandaskedmewhatwast hemat ter.

Thatwast hefi
rstti
meIbr okedownandcri
edproperl
yformy
motherandmyt eacherletme.Sheall
owedmet ocrythenshe
tookmet othepr i
est.Theydecidedt
ocallmyfat
herandaddress
thematterwit
hhi m,heconf ront
edherandshehitmesobadlyI
couldn’
twalkproperlyforaweek.

“
Liar
,yougoar
oundpeddl
i
ngst
ori
esabouty
ourel
der
s.”

Thenshewant edmyf at
hertomakemechangeschool sbecause
myf eeswashi ghandmymot herusedtowor kandchirpinbut
shewasn’ twor ki
ng,shewaspr egnantwit
hhersecondchi l
dthen.
Myf atheragreedandagai nMr sNcubeinterv
enedandt he
Dioceseawar dedmeaschol ar shi
p.Fort
unately
,thescholarshi
p
i
ncludeduni formsandMr sNcubeal waysmadesur et
obr ingme
l
unch.Sot hatevenwhenIwasaccusedofst eali
nganddeni ed
food,Isleptonapar tial
l
yfullstomach.Not hi
ngmakesy ougrow
fasterthanmov i
ngfrom pri
ncesst oanorphanbr at
,nothing.

“Mukadzimut
svukuakasahur
a,anoba,
kanakutoroy
achaiko.
Don’
ttouchmychil
d,doyouwanttopassyourdir
tonthem? ”
Ismelledsobadi nprimaryschool,nobodywant edtositnextto
me.Icouldst andhernotgivi
ngmesoapandIhadt ouse
newspapersandcl ot
hwhenIst ar
tedmyper iodbecauseinher
eyesIhadst art
edtooear l
y,meaningat11y earsoldIhadtohav e
sl
eptwi t
hsomeonef ormyper i
odst ocomesosoon.Ir emember
stai
ningmyuni for
m andev ery
onepoi nt
ingatmyuni for
m and
screaming.Iremembert heshameandt het
aunt i
ngv oi
cesofthe
ki
dsr i
nginmyear s.

Mr sNcubet ookmetoherhome, mademebat handtaughtme

howt oputonapadandt ol
dmei twasnormalatmyage, buti
t
wast oolate,t
hevoi
ceswerestuckinmyhead.That’
swhyI ’m so
parti
cularaboutwhi
chfemini
nepr oduct
sIbuy
,Icansti
llhearthe
taunts.

“
Vimbai
?Ar
eyouok?Whyar
eyoust
art
ingi
ntospacel
i
ket
hat
?”

Icanheart heal
armi nNosihle’
svoiceandIwantt osnapoutofit
butI’mintoodeep, t
hev oi
ceshav etakenov erandwhenshet r
ies
totouchmeIr ecoilandbundlemy selfint
oabal l.ThesamewayI
didwhent hatwomanhi tmewhenshef oundt hepadsthatMrs
Ncubegav eme.Ir emembercont empl ati
ngpr et
endingtof
aint
butImusthav elostconsciousnessbecauseIwokeupt omy
fatherput
tingahott owelonmybr uises,wipingmydr i
edupblood
andcr
yingsi
l
ent
ly.

Idon’
tknowwhathol dthatwomanhasonhi m butsheshoutsat
hi
m almostasmuchassheshout satme.Sheor dershi
m around
andIhavewatchedhim wi t
herintoashellofthemanheusedt o
bewhenmymot herwast here.Iwanttobeangr yathi
m butIfeel
sorr
yforhi
m.Ifeelsorr
yf orthewayhi svoicehasgrowntimid
andlostt
hatdeeplustr
ethati tusedtohave.

Hisonesavi
nggracewasfighti
ngtosendmeof ft
oboardi
ng
school
.Hewenttothepri
est,IknowbecauseIwasther
eandthe
desper
atepl
eainhisvoi
ce,Icansti
ll
hearit
.

WhenIwentt oRegi naMundi Iwasst ar

tinggr ade7,theywant ed
met or epeatbutMr sNcubeassur edthem t hatIwouldpass.
That’swhent helyi
ngst art
ed.Nooneknewofmyhomesi t
uation
sotheycoul dn’
ttauntmel ikethekidsinmynei ghbourhooddid.I
woul dbathtwiceaday ,
try
ingtoremov et hestenchthatmademe
repell
entatmyf ormerschool andi tworked.Ibecameasoci al
butterfl
ythatfl
oatedt hr
oughinter
school festivi
ti
es.Theboy s
admi redme, myfriendsadoredme, soschool becamemyr efuge.

Ever
yholi
daythoughIhadtogobacktot
heshout i
ng,thecur
ses
andthebeat
ings.Mygoingt
oboardi
ngschoolseemedt omake
hermorebit
terasdi
dmyget t
ingf
ouruni
tsformygr ade7.That
’s
whenIknewt hatsomeofherwor dsdidn’
thol
danymeani ng,I
wasn’tstupid.Yetsomedays,l
iketodaywhentri
ggeredhervoi
ce
andthev oicesofallt
hosewhomademyl if
ehellf
illmyheadand
i
tfeel
sl i
keI ’
m drowningandsuff
ocati
nginthevoices.

“
Vimbai
,l
ookatme.
”

Tafadzwa?Howdi dhegethere?Iwantt osnapoutofi tbecauseI

don’twanthimt oseemel ikethi
sbutI ’
mintoodeep.Icanhear
thehushedt auntsthedayIwasf oundinapool ofmyownbl ood.
“Aborti
on,mur der
..
.”ri
ngaroundmyheadwi t
hjustasmuchf orce.
Istr
uggletogetoutbutt hemor eItr
y,themoreitf eel
sli
keI’
m
suffocat
ing.Icanfeelhishandgrabbingmyshoul derandhe’s
shakingmeal mostr oughl
ybutIdon’tfeel
anything,Iwanttofeel
sobad.

“
Vimbai
,comeon.Br
eat
he,
focusonme.
”

Theycoachmet hr oughbr eat

hing,deepbr eath,exhale.Ithel
ps
becausethef ogginessar oundmybr ai
ni sdispell
ingabi tandItr
y
tofocusmybl ur
ryv i
sion.Deepbr eath,exhale.Themor eIbreat
he,
themor ethev oi
cesgobackt ot herecessesofmymi nd,l
eavi
ng
medi sori
entedandl ost.IlookatNosi hleandshehast ears
str
eami ngdownherf ace.Mybodyi sshaking, If
eel socoldand
empty .Ev
enwhenTaf adzwapul l
smet owardshi schestandhi s
onegoodar
m cr
adl
esme.Ican’
tabsor
bhi
swar
mthandIkeep
shaki
ng.

“
Youar
eal
ri
ghtnow,
I’
m her
e.I
’
vegoty
ou.
”

Thewar m assuranceinhi svoicethawssomeoft heicearound

mymi ndandhear tbutthenshameengul fsmeandIcan’ tface
hi
m orNosi soIpr etendtof all
asleep.Ifeelbadbecause,
betweenthem, theystruggletogetmei ntomybedandTaf adzwa
i
nsistsontuckingmei n.Ili
sten,waiti
ngf ort
hewhisperedtaunts
butIcanhearonl yconcer nintheirvoicesandtheyaren’
t
whisperi
ng.

“
Whathappened?
”

“Idon’
tknowIf oundherli
ket hat
,si
tti
ngzonedoutandst art
ing
i
ntospace.Itr
iedcall
ingtheambul ancebutitst
il
lhasn’tar
ri
ved,
thematroncameandpr ayedthensprinkl
edsomechur chwat er
onher.Itdi
dn’
twor ksoIcalledyou.”

“
Thr
oughal
lthatshewasj
ustsi
tt
ingt
her
e,zonedout
?”

“
Yes,
shewasn’
tev
enbl
i
nki
ng.Iwassoscar
ed.I
’
m af
rai
dtol
eav
e
herbutIhav
etogot
otheDHbef
oreorcl
oses.
”

“
Go,
it’
sfi
neIwi
l
lst
aywi
thher
.”

Thebedshi f
tsandheget sinbehindmeandcr adlesme.The
war m brushofhisli
psonmyf oreheadalmostmakesmebr eak
downbutIhol diti
n.Inestl
einhisarm andwaitforexhaust
iont
o
kickinandf ormybodyt ogiveintosleep.I
tdoeswhileI’
m
thinki
ngofhowI ’
m goingtoli
emywayoutoft hi
sv oi
cesegment,
i
tt ooklongerthanusualtowearof ftoday.

.
..
..
.

Thiswasahar dchapt
erandIapologi
zetoanyonethatmightbe
tr
iggeredbyreadi
ngit
.Todosomet hi
ngabitdif
fer
ent,i
fyou
understoodt
heShonaphrases,
pleasetr
ansl
atethem i
nthe
commentsect i
onandthosewhoneedclari
tywil
laskfrom you.

Pl
easehelpmebydroppi
ngar
evi
ewonLol
a'
sHear
tonGood
Reads,
justf
oll
owt
hisli
nk
Sunshi
neandShadows

Twent
y-f
our

WakingupinTafadzwa'sar
ms,Ifeel
saf
e.If
eell
i
kenot
hingcan
hurtme.Isav
ouritforawhil
e,t
ryi
nghar
dtoavoi
dhi
spierci
ng
star
e.

“
Mor
ningbaby
.”

Hisvoicecomesf rom deepi

nsidehisbelly
,Icanheart he
vibr
ati
onst hroughourent wi
nedbodies.Ineverthoughttwo
peoplecouldf i
tinthesenarr
owUZbeds.IguessIwaswr ong,I
’
m
nestl
edv er
ycomf ort
ablyonTafadzwa'schest.Unti
lIremember
thathe’shurtandIt r
ytomov ebuthehol dsmest il
lwithhisone
goodar m.

“MorningVall
z,
”hepi
nchesmyassandIgiggl
ebefor
ebur
yingmy
faceinhischest
.Hehat
esitwhenIcal
lhi
m wit
hthenamethat
every
oneelsecall
shi
m wit
h.Hypocr
it
emuch.

“
Arey
ougoi
ngt
otel
lmewhathappenedy
est
erday
?”
Isigh.Idon’
twanttogother
e,backt
ot hev
oicesandIlookupat
Nosihle'
sbedbutinal
lhonesty
,Iam j
ustavoi
dingTaf
adzwa’s
eyes.

“
Wher
eisNosi
hle?
”

“Shehasanexam soshelef
tearly
.Iknowwhatyouar
edoing,
youcan’
tavoi
dthetopi
cforeverVimbai
.Youscar
edusyest
erday
andyouneedtoletmein.Whatareyoudoing?
”

Whil
ehewasgoi ngonwi t
hhi sinterv
enti
onspeech,Isli
ppedout
oft
hebedandI ’
ml ocki
ngthedoor .I
’
m notsureaboutmy
morni
ngbreathbutnowmor ethanev erIj
ustwanttofeel
somethi
ngotherthanwhatIwasf eeli
ngyest
erday.Ipushmy
pyj
amashortsdown, t
ogetherwi t
hmyl acypanti
es.

“
Vimbai
,tal
ktome,
please.Don’
ttr
ytopusht
hisaway
.”

Hisvoicei sst
rainedandIknowmyst ri
ptease,ev enwithout
fi
nesse, hasani mpactonhim.It
akeoffthesilkyt opandIknowI
havehimr i
ghtwhereIwanthim.Mybr eastsarehi sweakness
andIsqueezet hem forgoodmeasure,myni pplesharden
i
nstantlyandIcanseehi sAdam'sapplebobbingupanddown.
Thatgivesmet heconfi
denceIneedtosauntert owardst hebed,
f
eedi
ngof
fhi
sawest
ruckgaze.

“
Vimbai
wehav
etot
alkabout
…”

Iplacemyf i
ngerov erhismouthandhedoesn’ tputupmuchofa
fi
ght ,Icanfeelt
heheatofhi serecti
oncomi ngfrom t
hebl anket
s.
Gettingr i
dofhist-shir
tprovestobeabittri
ckybecauseofhi s
sl
ingandhi ssweat sshortstoobutwherethereisawill
,thereisa
way .Finall
y,hi
shotski nismelti
ngint
omi neandmygr eedy
fi
nger sarefumbling,tryi
ngtogethispenisinsi
deme.Isi nkdown,
myv aginaclampi
nghi m andcausingbothofust oshudder .

Iwaitahear t
beatbef or est
arti
ngt omov e,justonedipandt he
squeakybasel et’soutapr otestingscr
eechandIcol lapsenextto
Tafadzwa.Wel ookateachot herandbur stintoafitofgiggl
es.I
decidetoputt hemat tr
essdownwhi l
eTaf adzwast ands
awkwar dl
ynextt ot hebed, hi
speni sst
andi ngatattentionand
gawki ngatme.Thewayhe’ slyingdownnowandl ookingatme
l
ikeIam f or
biddenf ruithasmel i
cki
ngmyl i
pswhi chhav e
suddenlybecomedr y.Hereachesoutwi thhi sonegoodar m and
brushesthest raylockofhai rfr
om myf ace.Hi stouchi ssotender
thatitmakesmeal mostcry .

“Il
oveyouVi
mbai
,youdon’
thav
etopr
etendwi
thmeorhi
de
anythi
ng.
”
Witheachsy l
lable,
he’
sthrusti
ngslowlyanddeeper ,
toppi
ngfrom
underneathme.Iwantt ocompl ai
nthatIini
ti
atedthi
sandnow
he’
stakingov er.It
ryt
oregainmycont roloverhi
m buthemakes
mestandst i
l
l.Hislust
fulgazeistamedbyconcer nandtheway
he’
slookingatmemakesmedr opmyey esandhegent l
yli
ft
smy
chi
nandcompel smetolookathim.

“
Don’
tyouknowbynowt
hatIwoul
ddoany
thi
ngf
ory
ou?Pl
ease
l
ety
ourguar
ddownandl
etmein.”

Thosewor dsstri
pmeofwhat everwallsIhadupandIf eelnaked
andexposed.Al l
theconf idenceIhadi soutoft hewindow.Ilay
mychestonhi sandhi sgoodhandi sbrushi
ngmybackwhi l
ehe
keepswhisperingwor dsofassur anceandl ove.Ifeelemoti
onal
andraw,Ican’thelpthet earsthatl
eakf rom t
hecor nersofmy
eyes,makingtheirwayt ohischest .Heholdsmewhi leIcr
yand
he’sgent
lydrawingcirclesacrossmyback.

Slowl
y,hesi
tant
lyatfi
rst
,Itellhi
m aboutthevoices.Howt hey
consumemyheadandusual lyIkeepthem atbaybywal king.How
mysolowalkswi t
hmusicbl asti
nginmyear sismycopi ng
mechanism.Icantel
lwhenanepi sodeisabouttostartandIwalk
i
toffbutyester
day,i
tcameont ooquickl
yandIwasi ntoodeep,I
di
dn’tknowhowt ogetmy selfout.

“
Tel
lmewhatt
hev
oicessay
.”
Hehasn’tst
oppeddrawingthoseci
rcl
esonmybackandIhav
e
r
elaxedsomewhatintohishands.

“
Youar
eaf
ail
ure.
”

“
Youwi
l
lnev
eramountt
oany
thi
ng.
”

“Youwi
l
lrotjustl
i
keyourno-
goodmot her
.Themaggot
sar
e
havi
ngafi
elddaywit
hherdiseasedbodyri
ghtnow.
”

Byt hetimeIgett oallt

hehor ri
blenamesIwascal ledbecauseof
myl ightski
n, thedrawinghasst oppedandhe’ sclut chi
ngatmy
back, fi
ngersdi ggi
nginpainf ul
lyevenbutIdon’ ttellhimt oease
up.Iwel comet hedistr
acti
onofphy sicalpainandIcont inue
tell
inghim ev eryt
hing.Myv oicefalt
erswhenIt el
lhim aboutnot
gettingbathingsuppl i
esandpads, Ifearthathewi llrecoil
in
disgustbutt hedam i stoppledandev erysingl
ethingIwent
throughcomesouti nat or
rent.

“Noonewantedtosi
tnex
ttome,
theyevenclai
medIhadliceon
myhead.Idi
dn’t
,Idi
dbat
hbutwi
thoutsoapandCol
gate,
Ir eal
l
y
coul
dn’
tdomuch.”

Iwoul
dgetpunishedf
orthesmallestt
hings,i
fthebabycr
iedand
Icoul
dn’
tgetitt
okeepquietorf
allasl
eep,Iwouldbetol
dtogoto
bedbecauseIwasusel
ess.Iwouldtossandturninbedbecause
mystomachwasempty.Itel
lhim ev
er y
thing,f
rom thefir
stguyI
sl
eptwit
hbecausehesai
dI ’
m beaut
ifulandIsmel l
nice.He’s
backt
ogr abbi
ngmybackpainful
l
ybutIdon’ tstoptal
king.

Ital
kunti
lIhaveempt iedevery
thingandI’
ml ef
tf eel
i
ngempt y.
WhenIstopt al
king,
theonlysoundi nther
oom i sourbreathi
ng
andoutsi
det heexci
tedchatterofpeoplemov i
ngoutandgoi ng
home.Somedi scussingthem exams.Hisbreathingisl
aboured
andIthi
nkit’
sbecauseI ’
m hurti
nghisarm butwhenIt r
yt ogetoff
hi
m, heholdsmest i
llandIreali
zethathe’
sshaki ngwit
hanger .

“
Yourf
atherj
ustl
etal
lthi
shappent
oyou?
”

Myf athergotitalmostasbadasIdi d.Hisbankcardpermanent l

y
stay
swi thherandt hef ewti
meswhenhegotsomeext rahe
wouldsl ipsomeoft hecashtomebutwhenIgotcaughtwi t
h
somet hingnewi tresultedi
nbeat ingssohehadt ostop.Heget s
shoutedatunt ilt
henei ghboursall l
ookathim wi
thpitywhenhe
goesout .Idon’tknowwhyhest ayedorwhatshei susingagainst
hi
m butIf eel
li
keapar tofmyf atherdiedwit
hmymot her.He’
s
j
ustexi sti
ngnow.

“
Youhav
etomov
einwi
thme.
”
Thesuddenchangei
ntopi
chasmeraisi
ngmyheadtolookat
hi
m.Hest i
l
lhasangeri
nhisey
esbuthecan’
tbeser
ious.

“Ther
eisnowayI
’
m stay
ingwit
hyourmot
her
.Shehat
esmygut
s
anddoesn’
tev
enbot
hertohi
deit.
”

“
Notathome,myf
athergi
ft
edmeanapart
menti
ntownwhenI
t
urned21andt
hat
’swhereIwi
l
lbest
ayi
ngonceIst
artwor
king.
”

Itrynottocomparemy sel
ftohi m.BesidesheandNosi hletried
tomakemy21stbeaut i
fulandt heydid,i
twasthefi
rstbirthday
thatIdi
dn’tsoakmypill
owwi tht earssi
nceItur
ned9.Mypr ide
wantsmet osaynobutmysensi blesi
deisremindi
ngmet hatt he
alt
ernati
veisstayi
ngwitharelative.Al
lthemoneyIhavel eftfrom
themoneyt hatIhadsavedup, Ineedt obuyfor
mal wear.IfIstay
i
nt own,Iwon’tspendmuchont ransportandIwon’
tbepay i
ng
rent.

“
Fine,
Iwi
l
lst
aywi
thy
oubutIchi
rpi
nwi
tht
hegr
ocer
ies.
”

Hesmil
esandIcan’
thel
pbutsmi
l
ebackathi
m,hi
ssmi
l
eisso
gor
geous.
“
Deal
,nowcanIgetsomel
ovi
ng?
”

Hedoesn’
twai
tforar
esponse,he’
sal
readyki
ssi
ngmeandIcan
f
eelhi
m growi
ngagai
nstmystomach.

.
..
..
.

Goodmor
ningf
ami
l
y.Ihopey
ouhav
eabeaut
if
ulweekahead.

Ir
ecent
lydi
daninter
viewwher
eItal
kaboutmyupbr i
ngingand
whatbr
oughtaboutmylov
eforbooks.Youcancheckitouton
Yout
ube.

ht
tps:
//y
out
u.be/
0Ai
NdnThI
es

Howar
eyouf
indi
ngt
hest
orysof
ar?Wear
eov
ert
hehal
fway
mar
k.
Sunshi
neandShadows

Twent
y-f
ive

Sayinggoodby et
oNosihlei
shard.Wehadourf all
out
sbutmost
ofourrelat
ionshi
phasbeenbeautif
ul.Shedidn’
tgetajoborany
prospectofonesoshehast ogobackhome.Iaccompanyheral l
thewayt oShowGr oundsandhelpherwithherl
uggage.

“
Thi
sisi
t,t
hanky
ouVi
mbai
…”

I
’m alr
eadygetti
ngemot i
onal
soIcutinandtell
hernottot
hank
mef oranyt
hingbutshefir
mlyshakesherheadandgiv
esmet hat
gor
geoussmi leofhers.

“No,letmesaythis,youneedtohearthi
s.Thanky ouforbei
ngin
mycor nerevenwhenIwasn’ tt
her
ef oryou.Thankyouforbeinga
tr
uef ri
end,asi
ster.Ioweyoumyl i
feandIwi l
lneverf
orgetyouor
all
thaty oudi
dforme.Iwi shyounothi
ngbutsuccessand
happiness,ohmyVi mbi,
youdeserveallthehappi
nessinthi
s
world.Ican’
twaittocheeryouon.
”

See,
goodby
essuck.NowI
’
m cr
yingandl
aughi
ngathowshe
alwaysbutchersmyname, asIhugheronel astt
imeandsheget s
i
ntothebus.Shegotawi ndowseatandt hebusal mostlooksful
l
.
Knowingshowgr ounds,halfofthosepeoplearejustdecoysand
they’
l
lstar
tdisembarki
ngonebyoneunt ilt
hebusi sleftempty
.
Myphoner ingstaki
ngmyat t
enti
onfrom wav i
ngatNosi hl
e.

“
Vimbai
arey
oual
lpacked?
”

Tafadzwa'
svoicewrapsaroundme, warmingmeupandIbl ush
asifhecanseeme.Myopeni ngupt ohim hasputawholeother
l
evelofint
imacyinourrel
ati
onshi
p.Thesexingf el
tli
kehewas
handli
ngthemostpreci
ousanddelicateofglasses.

“
Iam babe,butIam atShowGr
oundsr
ightnowIaccompani
ed
Nosi
hletoboardherbus.”

“Okbaby,
waitf
orusther
e,weareal
mostther
eany
way
.Cany
ou
gostandbyt
herobot
sont hesi
degoi
ngintot
own?
”

Iwonderwho“ we”isandIhopei t’
snothisbitchymot herbutI
wouldtakeheranydayov erpubli
ctransportandhavingahwi ndi
hangi
ngov eryou.Idut
if
ull
ywai tbytherobotsandafterfive
minutes,adar
kgr eySUVslidestoahaltnextt ome.Igetinatthe
backwhenTaf adzwaopenst hedoorforme.I t’
sBarbiebehind
t
hewheel,
yayme.Iam mymother
’sdaught
ersoIgreether
r
espect
ful
l
yandshegiv
esanabsent-
mindedresponse.

Tafadzwal
eansovert
okissmebutIpi nchhi
minst
ead,
Imaynot
l
ikehismot
herbutIwil
lnotdi
srespecther
.

“
Whenisthedoctort
aki
ngoffy
ourcastTaf
fy?I
’
mt i
redofbei
ng
y
ourchauf
feur
.”Thewayshecal
lshi
mi ski
ndacut
e.

“Ev
e,i
t’
sonlybeenfourweeksandy
oucan’
twai
ttodumpmeand
gobacktoshoppi
ng.”

IelbowTaf adzwabutthedamagei sal

readydone,Icanseethe
hurtlookthathismotherfl
asheswhenourey esbri
efl
ymeeti n
therearvi
ewmi rror
.Shefocusesbackont heroadandtherestof
thedr i
vetoschoolisawkward.Igi
veTafadzwaanadmoni shing
l
ookandheshr ugshisshoulder
sandput sonhisheadphones.Ok.

Idon’
tevent ryt
ostartupaconv ersati
onwithblackBarbi
e,Ihave
l
earntovertheyearsthatforcedi
nteracti
onsareawast eofti
me
andenergy.Inst
ead,Ichatwi t
hNosihleandIalmostlaughout
l
oudwhenshet ell
smeoft hepeopleali
ghti
ngonebyone, Isend
cry
-l
aughingemoj i
sinsteadthensettl
eintothecushi
nessoft he
l
eatherseats.
I’
m surpri
sedwhenBar bieofferst
ocomeandhel pmecar r
ymy
bagst othecar .Maybethisismymomentt obeof fer
edahuge
asscheckt ol eaveherson.Iwouldtakethemoneyandcont i
nue
withhimj usttospiteher.I
’m notsoluckybecausesheasksf or
thetoil
etandIshowi ttoher.Icheckthatallthedrawersare
empt yandt hatourroom iscleanbeforetakingoutmybagst o
thecorri
dor .

I’
ml ockingthedoorwhent hemadam comesoutoft het oi
let
,
air
ingherhands.Shel ooksatmybagsbef oretaki
ngonebi g
suitcaseandanot hersmal lerone.Iwasn’
texpecti
ngthatsoI
taket heremainingsuitcasesandl eav
ethebucketstherefor
anyonewhomi ghtneedt hem.

“
Your
eal
l
ylov
ehi
m,don’
tyou?
”

Thequesti
oncomesoutsof terthanIexpect edandsof ora
momentI’mlostbeforeaff
irmingmyl ovef orherson.Shenods
l
ookingatmel i
keshe’str
yingt ofigureoutsomet hing.Thi
sisit
,I
coul
dber i
chanyti
menow.Iwonderhowmuchshe’ sgoingto
off
ermet o“l
eavehersonal one.”Howr i
char ethesepeople
anyway?She’
salway sdri
vi
ngdi fferentcars,bigcars.Whatshoul
d
Ido?Acceptthefi
rstoff
erorhol dof funti
lshedoubl esit
?

“
I’
m sor
ry.Ishoul
dn’
thav
ebl
amedy
ouf
orwhathappenedt
ohi
m
butI’
m ki
ndoftheonewhoal
waysget
sbl
amedar
oundher
esoI
guessIneededsomeonet
oblame.
”

Youshoul
dseemyf acerightnow,i
tfeel
sfr
ozeninpl
aceandmy
eyesbul
gingout
.Yourswouldtooifyouseethepl
ast
icmelt
ing
offadol
landyoureal
iseshe’sali
vi
ng,bl
eedi
nghumanbeing.

“Eveissuchabadmother,Evei
snevert
here.AllEvedoesisshop.
Ineverwantedachi
ldoranyofthi
sbutIhadtogi v
ehim anheir
andGodl ovedmeenoughtogivemeasonatf ir
statt
empt.Ihad
mywombr emovedsoonaftert
hat
.Hedoesn’tknow,Ikeptfaki
ng
miscarr
iages.
”

Ohk,toomuchi nformati
on.Iwishshewouldstopnowbutshe’
s
speakingsofast,notevenpausingforbr
eat
hli
kemeev er
ytimeI
gotot heconfessi
onal.I
t’sli
keall
thi
shasbeenburni
ngupinher
andshej ustwantstoreleaseit
.

“Iwasn’tcutupt obeamot her,i

twaseasi erwhenhewas
youngerIcoul dshiphim of
fbutthenhehasgr ownsoangr yat
me.Wear ebot hneverther
e!Ihavetobeonhi sfather
’sarm and
thi
sisthel ongestbreakI’
vehadinforeverandIcan’tevenenjoyi
t,
youknowwhy ?BecauseIhaveagr ownent i
tl
edsonwhoi sso
angrywithev eryt
hingbuthetakesoutallofhisangeronme.The
constantreferencesofmebei nganairheadshopaholi
c,Ihavea
f
reaki
ngMBAf
rom Oxf
ordandj
ustasmanybusi
nessesashi
s
f
ather
!”

Shest opswhenpeopl eturntolookatheri nthefoyerwhenshe

rai
sedherv oice.Iuset hatopportunitytoescapeandgohandmy
keystot hewar den,whoi ssadt oseemel eavi
ng.Ist
ri
keupa
smal l
conv ersat i
onbecauseI ’
mr unningawayf r
om heari
ngabout
Tafadzwa'sdy sfunct
ional f
amily.Allsheshouldhavedonewas
offermeacoupl eofthousandsofdol lar
sandshewoul dhav e
remainedBar bieandourbal ancewoul dhavebeenmai nt
ained.
NowIknowt hatbr i
sksmi l
eplasteredonherf aceri
ghtnowi s
fake.I’
m begi nningtonot i
cethel inesaroundhereyesandt hat
she’sgrippingt hosesui t
caseswayt oohard.

“
I’
m sor
ryIbl
ewupony
oul
i
ket
hat
.”

Anotherapology.Itfeel
swei r
dandmychestt i
ght
enssomewhat .
I’
m notusedt oreceivi
nganapologyf r
om anadult.Wegotot he
carwithoutfurt
herconv er
sati
onandI ’
mt ryi
ngtowrapmyhead
aroundwhatBar bie,ImeanEv ejustt
oldme.Iwonderwhy
Tafadzwahasnev ermentionedthatshehasanMBAorherown
businesses.Healway sment i
onshisfatherandhi
ssuccesses.

“YoutooksolongIthoughtmay
beEvewasthr
eateni
ngyou,
”
Tafadzwasay sassoonaswegeti
ntot
hecaraft
erstowi
ngaway
myl uggage.
“
She’
syourmot
herTaf
adzwa,
showhersomer
espect
.”

Myf irmtonesurpr
isesmeandmakesEv ehappy , sheact ual
ly
smileswhenourey esmeeti nt herearviewmi rror.Taf adzwasul ks
therestofthewayt otheapar tmentwear egoingt oshar e.That’s
hisbusiness,usgi
rlsmustst i
ckt ogether.Ilov
eEv emor ewhen
shet el
lsmeshedecor at
edt hisapar t
ment ,appar entlyshehasan
i
nteriordesi
gncompanyt hatmost l
ydoest heinter i
orf orher
husband’sapartmentsplusot herbigcompani es, sheal sodr opsa
fewnamesoff i
vestarhot el
sinherpor tfol
ioandI ’
mi mpr essed.

Thef l
atishugeandai ry
,thebeige,cr
eam andyell
owgol dcolour
s
giveitahomel yyetexpensi
velook,li
keoneofthosecatalogue
apartmentswi t
hstateofthearteverythi
ng.I
’
m goingtoloveit
here.Eveleaveswithhersulki
ngson, he’
sonlyget
tinghiscast
remov ednextweeksohewi ll
bestayingathomeunt i
lhe’sful
ly
functi
onal.

Ithi
nki t’
sEv e’swayofkeepinghim cl
oseandextendingher
holi
day .Ican’tsayIunder
standthedynamicsoftheirfamil
ybutI
knowwhati t’sli
ketobecareer-
dri
venandIrespectthatabout
Eve.Ijustwishsheandhersoncanar riv
eatsomecommon
ground.

“
Youandmymot
herar
eal
lofasuddenbestbuddi
es?
”Taf
adz
wa
askswit
hhishandsstapl
edtoget
herandasli
ghtpoutt
hat
suggest
sthathefi
ndstheveryi
deaappal
l
ing.Ibr
ushhi
m off
.

“Iwouldn’tcal
lusbestf
ri
endsbuty
eahwegott
otal
ki
ngandshe
apologized…”

“
What?Eveapol
ogi
sed?Toyou?”Ir
oll
myey
esev
ent
houghIwas
j
ustassur
pri
sedashi
m whenshedid.

“
Yesshedi
d,butIdon’
twanttogeti
ntot
hati
t’
smyfi
rstdayat
wor
kandyoushouldbeaski
ngmehowi t’
sgoi
ng.
”

Hesmilessheepishly,atl
easthef eel
sbad.Ihav en’
tseenhi
m
si
ncetheyhelpedmeset t
leinandt odayhejustcamei ntobri
ng
memyf ir
stdayont hejoblunch.ItwasEve'
sideabutr i
ghtnowI
j
ustwantt oshar
ewi t
hmyboy f
riendhowmyf i
rstdayhasbeen
goi
nginsteadoftalkingabouthismot her
.

I
’m aboutt otell
him whenthereisabr i
efknockonmydoorand
Chatungawal ksincarryi
ngabouquet ,notsurewhi
chf l
owersbut
I
’mj ustgratef
ul i
t’
snotroses.Butthatdoesn’
tseem tomakeany
di
fferencebecauseTaf adzwaisglower i
ngathim,wit
hascowl so
fi
ercethatI’m sureonl
yhiscastispreventi
nghimfrom jumping
atChat unga.
“Sor
rytojustcomeher
eunannounced,
Vimbs.Ij
ustwantedt
o
dropthesebyandsaycongr
atul
ati
onsonyourfi
rstday
.”

Chatungahasawi desmil
eonhi sfaceandhej ustcomplet
ely
i
gnoredTafadzwawhi l
eextendi
ngt hebouquettome.The
murderouslookonTafadzwa’sfacei sst
oppi
ngmef r
om
accepti
ngtheflower
sbutIalsodon’ twantt
ober ude.Canthi
s
getanymor eawkward?

.
..
..
.

Goodmorning,justaremindert
hatal
lmybooksar eavai
l
ablei
n
all
themaj
orst ores,
Exclusi
veBooksWindhoek,
Takealot
,Loot
,
CNA,Bar
gainBooks, onAmazonaswel l
.Getyoursel
facopyand
youwon'
tregret.

I
fweshar
ethi
spostov
er300t
imes,
we'
l
lgetabonus
Sunshi
neandShadows

Twent
y-si
x

( SLN)

“Thankyouf
orthef
lower
s,”Iacceptthem andIcan’
tev
ensmi
l
e
becauseTaf
adzwa'
sglar
eisscorchingmyback.

Itur
ntohi m andIsmil
epl
acati
ngl
yathim andhescowlsatme.
Thiswil
lbehar dert
hanIt
houghtbuti
thastohappen.He’
llj
ust
havetotrustme.

“Baby
,pl
easegi
veusamoment
?Ineedt
otal
ktoChat
ungaabout
somethi
ng.
”

Hisscowl t
urnsintosomet hi
ngawf ulandIglareatChatungawho
i
ssmi rki
ngwi del
yandheonl yshrugshi sshoulder
s.Thereisa
minuteoftheireyesbeinginadeadl ock,Ihavetocall
out
Tafadzwa'snamebef oreheclickshistongueandl eavesmy
off
ice.Chatungasnickersunti
lIglar
eathi m andhemasksi twit
h
afakecough.
“What'
syourdealwi
thTafadzwa?”Iaskput
ti
nghisfl
ower
sonmy
deskandnotbreaki
ngeyecontact.Heshr
ugsnonchal
ant
ly.

“Hewenttoschoolwithmyy oungbloodandhashadabee
buzzi
nginhisbonnetagainstJnrandnowhetakesi
toutonme
aswell
.He’stheonewi t
hthebeef.”

Ist
il
ldon’
tbr
eakey
econt
act
.

“Soyoudon’
thav
eanybeefwi
thhi
m,enought
osendpeopl
eto
hithi
m?”

He’
sannoyedbymyquesti
on,Icant
ellf
rom thesli
ghtnarr
owing
ofhi
seyesandfl
ari
ngofhi
snosebutIdon’tseeanyguilt
,or
maybehe’
sverygoodathi
dingi
tordoesn’
tfeelanyremorse.

“Look,yourclownt al
kstoomuchbutdoy out hinkhe’sthef i
rst
persont owrit
eshitaboutmeormyf amil
y ?Hav ey oubeenon
Twi t
ter?IfIweretosendouthitmenforev eryidiotwhoi nsul
tsmy
fatherormeandmyf amil
y,doyouthinkIhav et hoseresourcesto
wast e?Heshoul dlear
ntodisti
ngui
shpoliticsfrom hispersonal
feeli
ngsandonl ythenwill
heev engoany wher einpolit
ics.”
I
’vetouchedanerveandt
her
eisnohintoft
hepl
ayf
ulnesst
hat
heusuall
yexhi
bit
s,hi
svoi
cei
scoldl
yangry.

“
I'
m sorr
yforaccusi
ngyou,
it’
sjust
…Iwast
her
ewhenhegot
mauled,
Isawthewholethi
ng.”

Concer
nfl
oodshi
seyes,
soft
eni
ngt
hehar
dgazehehadbeen
gi
vingmej
ustmomentsago.

“Didyougethurt?”Ibr
ushoffhi
sconcernandtel
lhi
mt hatI
wasn’tspot
tedandImanagedt ogethim hel
pbefor
eitwastoo
l
ate.Hisshoulder
sr el
axsomewhatbuthe’sgi
vi
ngmeapensi v
e,
almostcontemplati
velook.

“I
t’
sobviousyourboy
fri
endismaki
ngenemi
esforhimsel
f,t
ryt
o
notgetdraggedi
ntohismess.
”Hesaysi
tki
ndl
ythisti
mearound.

“
Whydoy
oucar
e?”

Thequest i
onleav esmymout hunbiddenandIclampmyl i
ps
togetherti
ghtl
ybutt hedamagehasalreadybeendone.Hel ooks
alit
tl
ehur tbutIcoul dhavei
magineditbecausethelookquickly
fadesandhej ustl ooksatmeblankl
ybef or
eIapologiseagain,
ri
chki dsandtheiregos.
“
Youarecool
peopleVimbai,
it’
srar
et ogetsomeonewhotal
kst
o
meformenottogetanyt
hingoutofitorinagroupi
eki
ndof
way
.”

Il
aughandadmi ttohimt hatIusedtobeagr oupi
eandItel
lhi
m
ofthepartyIat
tendedathi splaceall
thoseyearsagoandof
course,
hedoesn’ trememberi t
.He’snolongerfri
endswi
thmyex
andwel aughabi tbefor
eIgetser i
ous.

“LookIappr
eci
atethejobthatyougotmebutIhopei
tdoesn’
t
comewi t
hanystri
ngsattached.Whenwehookedup,
Iwassingl
e
butnowI’m wi
thTafadzwa.”

Thataf
front
edl
ookagai
n,buti
tiswhati
tisandIhadt
osethi
m
st
rai
ght.

“Fi
rstoff
,youhavefi
repussyandall
butI’
vehadbet
ter
,no
off
ence.”Off
encesl
i
ghtl
yistakenbutIst
il
lnodmyheadandl
et
him cont
inue.

“Igotyouthej
obbecauseIli
key ou,noti
nanI ’
m pursuingyou
kindofwaybutifyouoff
eryourpussy,Iwouldn’
tdecli
nei t
,”t
hat
cheekygri
nagain,“
butIdi
dnotgety outhi
sjobt ogetintoyour
pants.AsIsai
d,youarecoolpeopleandIli
kethatIcant al
kto
y
ouwi
thoutj
udgmentorexpect
ati
ons.
”

Wet al
ksomemor eandIthinkboundari
esareinplace,he
st
ressesthatheisn’tpursuingmebuthewoul dn’
tmi ndhaving
measaf riend.Ihopehemeansi tbecausehe’
salsocool people
i
fyoutakeawayt hemili
taryjunt
athatheandhisfami l
yrepresent.

“Wit
hTafadzwa,
canyoutr
ynottoprovokehi
m?Ther
ewasno
needtoi
gnorehi
m asyoudidear
li
er.
”

Helaughsandt ell
smeout r
ightthathewon’tst
opaggrav at
ing
hi
m andt hatTafadzwamakesi ttooeasytogetunderhisskin.
Wet al
ksomemor ebef or
ehesay shehast ol
eave,hehasal at
e
l
unchwi t
hRuby .Afterheleaves,Itr
yTafadzwa'sphoneandhe
decl
inesmycal l
.Idon’thavet i
met onursehiswoundedego,
we’v
ebeent hrought hi
sandIt oldhimtotrustme.

Iknowtheimpor
tanceofnotburni
ngbr i
dges.Nosihl
ewoul
dn’
tbe
ali
vehadIbur
ntbri
dges,y
ounev erknowwhenknowi ngsomeone
mightgety
ououtofatri
ckysit
uation.Especi
all
yinacount
ryl
ike
minewherewhoyouknowmeansev er
ythi
ng.

……

“
Taf
adzwa,
nomancomepi
ckupy
oursocks!
!”
Ihollert
hemomentIgethomeandhegr untshisresponse
somewher einthel i
vingroom.Iknowhe’ splayingt hatGod-
forsakengameofhi s.I’
vebeent emptedtothrowi toutofthe
apartmentweshar einthemont hsthatwe’vebeencohabi t
ing.
Besideshisslob-i
sht endencies,hehasprovent obeanamaz i
ng
roommat e.Wear einagr eatspace,t
hegreatestwe’ veeverbeen.
Wedi dr
esol
vet hatChat ungasaga,Imadei tclearthatheneeds
totrustme.Wear eov erthat.

Hemov edi nwi t

hmet woday sl ater
,assoonashi scastwas
remov ed.Apar tfrom hi m notcleaningupaf terhi
mself,somethi
ng
causedbyal way shav ingserv antsathand.Wear ewor kingon
domest icati
nghi m, besidest hat,wehav ebeenget t
ingalongl
ike
ahouseonf i
re.Ifindhi m wieldinghisjoyst
ickasifit’
s
Hermi one’swand.Ist andi nfrontoftheTVandhecur sesbef
ore
pausingt hegame.

“Taf
adzwawet alkedaboutthi
s,y
ouleftyoursocksandshoesby
thedoor,yourblazerandti
eintheki
tchenandl ookatyourpants
huddlednexttoy ou!Whyareyousmili
nglikethat?Taf
adzwaI ’
m
seri
ous!”

Ithr
eat
enashegetsof
fthecouchandmovestowar
dsmel i
kea
ti
geronthepr
owl
.Hegivesmetheful
lgl
areofhi
sgorgeous
smil
eandIf i
ndmy selfi
nstant
lyfl
oodingmypants.Istepback
unti
lI’
m pr
essedont hehugetvandhecor ner
sme, hisbreat
h,
ti
ngedwithahintofwhiskey,mingl
ingwit
hmi ne.

“Whatdi
dIsayaboutbl
ocki
ngmyv
iewwhenI
’
m ont
he
Play
Stat
ion?
”

Ican’
tthi
nkstrai
ghtbecausehi sproximityismakingmy
breat
hingdi
ffi
cul
t.Imur mursomei ncoher entshi
tandtr
yto
regul
atemybreathing.Isquealinsurpri
sewhenhepi cksmeup
witheaseandthrowsmeov erhisshoulder.Theslapsonmyass
ri
nginsharpandqui cksuccession,makingmyski nsti
ngwher
e
hispal
m connectedwi t
hmyf lesh.

Befor
eIcanprotest
,hehasmelyingonthepl
ushcarpetf
laton
mystomachandhest ruggl
esabitt
oli
ftmypencil
skir
tunti
lhe
di
scover
sthezipandhesl i
desi
tdown.Thecoolai
ronmy
st
ingi
ngassmakesmeshudder .

“Athong,youknowhowt hosemakemehard,
”hi
svoi
ceis
str
ainedandthelastwor
dbecomesmuffl
edashesni
ffsme.

I
’
mt emptedt
ofartwhil
ehehashi
snoseburi
edinmyv agi
na.Al
l
t
hought
soffart
sleav
emymi ndwhenheunceremoni
ouslymoves
hi
stongueint
omyv agi
na.I’
m moaningwhileheplungesi
tdeeper
andIwhimperwhenhesuddenl yremoveshistongueandslaps
myv agi
nathi
st i
meintwoshar pconsecut
iveti
mes, t
hesharp
pai
nquickl
yturnsint
opleasurewhenhesweepshi stongue
acr
ossmyv aginaanddownt omyot herhol
e.

Mybr eathhitcheswhenhepl ungeshi st onguebackt hereandI

wantt osqui rm buthishandsarepr essingmedown, i
mpr i
soni
ng
me.Hi stonguei sbackinmyv aginabuthi sl
it
tlefi
ngerhas
replacedhi stongueinmyanusandIf eel soglori
ouslyfull
.He
wor kshist ongueandf i
ngerinperfecthar monyr enderi
ngmea
blabber i
ngmess.If eelmyor gasm buildingup, myv agi
nal
muscl esclampi ngdownonhi stongue.Icr youtwhenhechooses
thatexactmomentt oremovehist ongueandst il
l
shi sfi
nger.

“
Tafadzwa,”i
t’
sapl eadi
ngwhi mper,
compoundedbythelossI
f
eelwhenheal soremov eshisfi
nger
.Thenhe’smassagi
ngmy
v
agi
nawi thonehand, spreadi
ngthejui
cesther
etomyanuswhile
t
heotherhandi sbusywiththecondom ift
heri
ppi
ngsoundoffoi
l
i
sanyindi
cation.

Hisfi
ngers,
thi
st i
metwo, gobackt openetrati
ngmybehi ndand
pl
unginginanotsogent l
er hyt
hm.Isqui r
m andIwantt oturnbut
heslapsandpinchesmyi nnerthighswithhisfr
eehand.Al lt
his
hurt
sbutitmakesmewet tertoo.Withoutceremony,heisinside
meinonemov eandIf eelfull
andov erstr
etchedespeci
allywith
hi
sfi
nger
sst
il
lkeepi
ngt
hei
rrhy
thm.

Hisstrokesarehar
d,f
astandrel
ent
less.I’m gr
abbingontot he
carpetunti
lIf
eelli
kemyfi
ngerswil
lbleed.Idon’tknowwhi ch
feeli
ngtofocuson.Hi
sotherhandi
sgr ippi
ngmywai stt
ightly
,
pinchingme.

Heincreasesthetempoandt hesoundofhisball
sslappingmy
ti
nyassdr i
vemeov ert
heedge.Icomeinaspiral
li
ngspr ay
,
shudderi
ngandwr i
thi
ngasheploughsthr
oughmyor gasm,his
mov ementsnowj erkyandf
renzi
ed.OhGod, hewantstokillme,
anotherorgasm emanatesonthetai
lendofthefi
rstone.

“
Shi
i
ii
ii
i
t,”hehi
ssesbef
orecr
yingouthi
srel
ease.

He’snowl y
ingunder
neathmeandt raci
ngpatt
ernsacrossmy
soreass,ever
ythi
ngi
ssoredownt herebuti
nadel i
ciousmanner.
I’
m cl
ingi
ngontohimlikeababykangaroo,l
i
steningtothehum of
hisheart
.

“Pi
ckupyourstuff
,”Isayaf
tercatchi
ngmybreathbutmyv oi
cei
s
sti
l
lbr
eathl
essandscr at
chy.Helaughsqui
etl
y,hi
slaught
er
rumbl
ingfr
om hisbell
y.

“
Yes,
ma’
am andy
ourdi
nneri
sint
heov
en.
”

“Youcooked?
”Il
i
ftmyheadandwi
denmyey
esathi
m,t
hat
seemstoamusehim mor
e.
“
Idon’
twantyoudyi
ngfr
om f
oodpoisoni
ng,soIor
der
edy
our
f
avour
it
eChinesemeal
li
keacar
ingboyfr
iend.
”

Irewardhi
m wit
hakissandIcant ast
emy selfonhi
slipsandthat
turnsmeon,hefeel
sitandIf
eelhispenisgrowingunderneat
h
me.Dinnerandshoptal
kcanwait.Ihaveahappyplacetogett o.

.
..
..
.

Morni
ngfamil
y.Wedi
dn'
treachtheshar
inggoalonthel
asti
nser
t
sonobonus.Idi
dmaketoday'
sinser
tabitl
ongert
houghto
rewar
dthosewhodi
dshare.

I
'm goi
ngtoberunni
ngacl
ear
ancesal
especi
al.I
'
m outofcopi
es
ofFall
enCandl
eandNomaswazisoi
twil
lonl
ybeTheHarvard
wif
e
Sunshi
neandShadows

Twent
y-sev
en

“
I’
m done,
youcanlookaty
ourselfi
nthemirr
or,Ma,
”Vi
mbai
’
s
v
oiceiswarm andI
’
m al
soanxioustoseeherhandi
wor
k.

Ihav en’
tseenmymot herlookt hi
sgor geousin…okI ’v
enev er
seenherl ookthisbeauti
ful ev
er.Whenshegoest ochur chshe’s
foreverinunif
orm andthescor chingGwandasunal way scauses
beadsofsweatt opooloverhert opliplikedropletsofabear d.
Theonl ymake-upsheknowsi sElegancev anishi
ngcr eam which
shecal l
sPondsandadashofVasel i
neonherf ulll
ips.Vimbai
transformedhert odaywithaf ull
facebeatandshel ooksli
keone
oft hoseri
chNi geri
anoil
ty coons'wiveswhoatt imesgr acethe
cov erofForbesmagazine.

Mysi stercamet hr
oughf oruswi t
habeaut i
fulpeplum dressfor
meandaNi ger
iantradit
ionalatt
ir
eformymot her
, completewi t
h
oneoft hosedramat i
chat softheir
s.Sheev encamehome
specificall
yforthegr aduati
onbutmymot heraskedherwhoshe
thi
nkswi l
lremainwi thherkids.Sowel eftmysul kingsisterback
i
nGwandaandcamewi thNothando.Iwantmyni ecet oseet hat
thereisl i
feoutsideGwanda, she’sabrightgi r
landIhopeseei ng
megr aduatewillbeal lt
hemot i
vati
onsheneedst oaceher
studies.
Vimbai didhermagicwi thourf acesandwel ookbeaut i
ful.We
arri
vedy est
erdayandshet ookust odoourhai r,sheborrowedme
oneofherwi gsandwear einherapar t
ment ,
theonesheshar es
withValenti
ne.Mymot herwassur pri
singl
ycool wit
hthat,she
wasf ussingoverhiml i
kemot herhenandmaki nguscookand
servehim mucht otheannoy anceofVi mbaiandcondescendi ng
amusementofVal enti
ne.Mymot herwentasf araseveni nsi
sti
ng
thatTafadzwashoul dn’
tleaveonouraccountbuthel ef
tany way.

Wear egraduat i
ngandt heexcit
ementlevelsarehigh.Vimbai
coll
ectedbot hourgownssowedoami niphotoshoot,wi
tha
professi
onal photographerwhowasor ganizedbyValenti
ne,
beforeweleav ef orUZ.Af t
erbeingbr
aaiedbyt hesunatt he
Grounds,wher ethecer emonyi sbei
ngheld, wewon’tlookas
beautif
ulandf reshaswedor ightnow.Theshot slookglori
ous
withtheri
singsunmaki nguslookgolden,whenHar areshowsoff
i
tmakessur e.

Thephotoshootmakesuslat
eandwef indVi
mbai
’sf
atheratt
he
gat
eandshe’shappyunt
ilsheseesthewomanwit
hasourlook
onherfacest
andi
ngnexttoherfat
her.

“
Don’tl
ethergett
oyou,
”Vimbai
mut ter
stohersel
fli
keamant
ra
whi
l
edigginghernai
l
sint
othepalm ofherhand.
“Youarelatewhydi
dn’ty
oucomeandsl eepwit
husaty our
uncl
e'splace?Hewouldhavedroppedyouoffwithusearly
.”The
sharp-
tonguedmongoose,shelooksl
ikeone,saysbef
orewe
evengetthechancetogreett
hem.

“Kahl
ewenangewal
a…”mymotherr
espondsbutt
hemongoose
tur
nshernosedownatmymot
herandmakesthemist
akeof
sayi
ng,

“
Andi
nzwi
chi
Ndeher
ekanakut
ichi
rudzi
chamur
ikut
aur
a.”

Mymot hersnatcheshersy
nt het
icwigsoqui ckly
,li
keonemi nut
e
themongoosei ssneer
ingatmymot herandt henextsecondher
wiggoesfly
ingandmymot heralsodeli
versaf ewhardslaps
befor
etheGr eenBombers,securi
tyguards,comeandsepar ate
them.Ican’
tbeliev
emymot herevenscratchedherface.

Themongoosel ooksamesswhi l
emymot herstil
llookslikea
statelyNigeri
anr i
chwi f
e.Shewi pesherhandswi t
ht hewetwi pes
thatVi mbaihandedt oherwhi l
ethemongoosecur sesloudlyand
i
sbei ngrest
rai
nedbyt heGBswhowar nherthatshe’llget
anot herwhooping.Peoplear estari
ngbutIdon’tcare,I
’m proudof
mymot her
.Vimbai doesn’
tsaymuchaboutherf ami l
ylif
ebutit’
s
enought oknowt hatherstepmot heri
sapainintheassand
I’
mgl admymot herputheri nherplace.
Wehav et oseparatewithmegoi ngtositwit
hmyf el
low
Economicsgr aduatesandVi mbai wit
hherclass.Thefeat
hery
l
il
acdressshe’ swearingisshor tinaclassywayandi t
complement sthesashov erhergownandherPer uvi
anhairis
curl
ed,shelooksl i
keabadbi tchbutt henagainVi
mbai al
ways
l
ookslikeabadbi tch.I’
m excitedtoseemycl assmatesunti
lthe
i
ssueofj obscomesup, I
’m grateful
fortheChancell
orwalki
ngin
wit
hal otofceremonyandpomp.

Afterhour sofspeeches,claps,singinganddanci ngi

nt hesun,we
havegr aduatedandnowwear emov ingont oourdepar tments
andget ti
ngf oodaswel lasmor espeechesandt hetakingof
pictures.If i
ndmymot hersternlygivingNothandoahushed
l
ect urebutt heli
ttl
egirlsti
l
l sul
lenlyrepeatsthatshe’shungry.
Thei rfaceschangewhent heyseemeandt heyar ebothbeaming,
Icoul dbaski ntheirpr
ideandl ov eallthedaysofmyl i
fe.Wego
andj oint hefoodqueuebef oreNot handoexpl odesonus, t
heice
cream Iboughtherwi l
l onl
ymol l
ifyherforaf ewmi nutes.

Bytheti
mewearedonet aki
ngpi
ctures,I
’mti
redandreadyt
ogo
home.Wemov et
ot heLawfacul
tytogetVimbaiandgohome.
Wef i
ndherwi
thafancywomanwhol ooksl
i
keshe’smadefrom
pl
asti
c.

“Wher
eisyourf
ather
?”Ir
egr
etaski
ngwhenadar
kcl
oudcov
ers
herf
aceassoonasIask.

“
Theyl
eftsoonaf
tert
hecer
emony
,Icoul
dn’
tev
engetapi
ctur
e
wit
hmyf at
her.Shewantedt
hem tocat
chthebusgoi
ngback
hometoday.
”She’ssmil
i
ngbutIcanseethetear
sswimmingi
n
herey
es,whichshehasimpr
isonedandref
usestol
etfal
l
.

“Awwwmntanami
,comelet
’st
akesomepi
ctur
es.Mr
phot
ogr
apher
!Comethi
ssidepl
ease.
”

Mymot hercanbel oudandembar r

assingbutI ’
m gladthatshe
managest oputar ealsmil
eonmyf ri
end’sface.Wear eal lmade
toposeagain,includingValentine’
smot her
,that’
sthef ancy
womanwef oundVi mbaiwith.Sheseemsuncomf or t
ablewi t
h
bei
ngnextt oNot handobutshehasasof tspotforVimbai .They
tal
ksoft
lytoeachot herandl aughatsomei nsidejokes.
Thankf
ullywedon’ thav et
ot aket hekombi sbecauseVal enti
ne’
s
motherisdriv
ingusbackt ot heapar t
ment .

I’
mi nmysl eepwearwhenVi mbai comesi ntotheguestbedroom
thatwear esleepi
ngin.She’sinaGr eci
anst yl
edcroptopand
formall
ooki ngpants,
herhairtiedintwoBant uknots.It
’snot
clearwhethershe’sdressedforaf or
mal eventorforfunbutshe
l
ooksgr eat.

“
Nosi
hle,
howcany oubeinpyj
amasthi
searlyonourgr
aduat
ion,
t
her
e’sagraduat
ionpar
tywehavet
ogot o.
”
I’
m expect i
ngmymom t ot el
lherthatfemalesdon’
tgooutat
nightli
keshehasal way ssangt ousbuti nst
eadsheis
encour agi
ngmet ogooutandhav efun.Shesaysweear nedt
he
ri
ghtt ocelebrat
e.Whoi st hi
swomanandwher edidsheputmy
mot her?WeendupatVal enti
ne’shome,somepeopleareborn
withsilverspoonsintheirmout hs.Thi
shouseisgorgeous.

Themomentwegeti nValenti
neisalloverVi
mbai.Thesetwoare
sickeni
ngl ycute.IfeelapangwhenIseehi m ki
ssi
ngherforehead
andenf oldingherintohisar ms.Thatgentlei
nti
macyistheone
thingIhav enev erexperi
encedinmyl i
f eandIreal
l
ycraveiteven
thoughI ’
m swor nof fmenf ornow.

……

“
It
sonlyamatt
eroft
imebeforeshefal
lspregnantandfil
l
sher
mother
’sy
ardwi
thali
tt
erofchil
drenj
ustl
ikehersister
.”

Thewomendon’ tevenhidethattheyaregossi pingaboutmeand

thei
rcackli
ngl
aughtergri
tsmyt itsbuttheirt
alkingmakesmesad
eventhoughIpret
endthatIdidn’thearwhatt heysaidandIpump
waterint
omybucketbef or
ecar eful
lybalanci
ngi tontopofmy
head.I’
m sadbecauseIkil
l
edmychi ldoutoff earthatIwoul
dbe
thet
alkoft
hevi
ll
agei
fIgr
aduat
edwi
thav
isi
blebump,yether
eI
am wit
hnochi
l
dandawombdamagedbeyondrepai
randI’
m sti
l
l
thet
alkoft
hevi
ll
age.

Iwipemybr owwi t
hmycl ot
h,I’
m sweat i
ngandsomeoft hewater
splashedonmyf aceandIalsowantt odiscreetl
ywi peoffmy
tears.IfIcouldgobackIwoul dbutt hisismyr eali
tynowandI
hopet hatwitht i
meIwi l
lacceptthat.Thenov elt
yofbeingthefi
rst
togr aduateinourv i
ll
agehaswor nof fsi
nceI ’m stil
lathome,
unempl oyedandi thasbeenmont hs.Wear einDecembernow
andt herehav en’
tbeenanyjobpr ospects.Ihav eappl i
edsomany
ti
mesandi fIseeonemor e“Wer egrettoi nf
or my ou…”Iwil
lcut
offallmyhai r.

Mymot herhasbeenv er
ysuppor t
ivebutmysi sterhasfoundan
excusetosneeratme, t
hatwit
hal lmyeducat ionIcan’
tf i
ndaj ob
andIhavetodependonheruneducat edsalarytogetmybasi cs.
Mymot hertoldmenottomi ndherandshekeepspr ay
ingf orme.
I’
vetakenaleaveofabsencefrom prayi
ng, wherehaspr ayi
ng
gott
enmesof ar
?The25Lbucketi swei ghingheavil
yonmyneck
andthesuni spl
ayi
ngRussianr oul
ett
eacr ossmyshoul derbl ades.

It’
sduringtheweek,theol
derkidsar
eatschoolandmymot her
hastakenherwar est
osellatt
hegaragewherealotoft
ranspor
t
comingf r
om andgoingtoSouthAfri
cavi
aBeitBri
dgeusual
ly
stopsforrecess.
Icarefullyputt hewat erdownbef or
echecki ngifthey oungones
arestillsleepi
ng.Iswatsomef l
i
esawayf r
om t hem andIst ar
t
cleaning.I ’
m donecleani ngandcookingwhenNt andoand
Nqobi l
ecomebackf rom school
.Beforetheysi ttoeattheywash
theiruniformsandhangt hem.Mymot herrunsat i
ghtshipand
everyoneknowsbet terthantonotdowhatt heyar esupposedt o
do.Af terdoingt hei
rhomewor kwithmyhel p,theyt akethe
youngerchi l
drentogoandcheckont hegoat s.Thatgi vesmea
momentt omy self.

Idon’tknowwhatt odowi t
hmy self,
Idon’tevenhav edataor
ai
rti
met ogoonFacebookorWhat sApp.I’
mreadi ngsomePDF
cal
ledTheBi y
elaDivasthatIgotf rom thi
sothergr oupwhenmy
phonef l
ashesani ncomingcal l
.Ihesitatebef
or eanswer i
ng.It
couldbet hatman'swife,shetakesj oyincall
ingmewi thdiff
erent
number sjusttoharassme.Justl astweeksheaccusedmeof
i
nfectingherhusbandwi thHer pes.Boyam Igl adIdodgedt hat
bul
let.Idecidetoansweri t
,todayi fi
t’
sherIwi l
ltellherexactl
y
wheret ogo.

“Hel
l
o, am Ispeaki
ngt
oMi
ssNosi
hleNy
athi
?”t
hev
oicei
scr
isp
andprofessi
onal.

“
Yes,t
hisi
sshe.
”Ihaven’
tspokenEngl
i
shi
nfor
ever
,itt
akesa
whi
let
ogathermyEngli
shreser
ves.
“Great,
thi
sisGracefrom Zi
mraHumanResour cesandI’
m cal
l
ing
toinfor
my outhatyouhavebeenshort
li
stedtotheint
erv
iew
stage.Wil
lyoubeabletocomef ort
heinter
viewnextweek
Monday ?”

ForamomentI ’
m soshockedIdon’ tknowwhatt osayand
embarrassi
nglyasobbr eaksoutandIf indmy sel
fcry
ingwhil
emy
potent
ialemployerr
epresentati
veisstil
lonthephone.She’
sv ery
ki
ndabouti tt
houghandshegi vesmet hedetail
sforthei
nter
view.
Mymot her'
sprayersar
ef inal
lybeinganswered.

.
..
..
..

Morni
ngfami
ly,
thespeci
ali
sst
il
lonunt
ilSat
urday.Iam outof
copi
esofFal
l
enCandleandNomaswazisograbthesecopies,
Sunshi
neandShadows

Twent
y-ei
ght

“
Vimbai
…”heari
ngmynamecal
l
edoutmakesmybodybr
eaki
nto
acol
dsweat.

I’
vebeent oMotioncour tnumer ousti
mesinthel astcoupleof
mont hsbutt odayisdifferent
,thegir
lisbei
ngswor nint oday.I
didn’tthi
nkIwoul dbet hisanxiousbutsuddenlyIam, thevery
surfaceofmyski nhasbr okenintogoosebumps.Taf adzwa
squeezesmyhandandt hatbreaksmeof fthehighwayt ov oi
ce
l
andt hatIhadembar kedon.Idr aginsomebr eathandst andup.

“I
,Vi
mbai Natal
i
eTar uza,
dosol
emnl
ysweart
hatIwi
l
l bef
ait
hful
andbeartrueal
legi
ancetoZi
mbabweandfol
l
owthelawsof
Zimbabwe.Sohelpme, God.
”

Myv oi
cestartedof fshakyi nthebeginni
ngbutbyt heti
meIr eci
te
theoat
hofof ficefoll
owi ngthejudge’smonochromev oice,
ithas
grownstrongerandIbl ushatTaf adzwa’
swolfwhistl
eandhi s
mother’
sululation.Neverwoul dIhav epeggedheroffas
someonewhocanul ulate,butthenagainInevert
houghtwe
wouldbecloseaswear enow.
Iwishmyf at
herwasherebuthecoul dn’tcomebecausehe
claimstobesickbutIt
hinkshe’
sst i
l
lpuni shi
ngmef ortheslaps
andwi gsnat
chingshesuff
eredatthehandsofNosi hl
e’
smot her
andwhathappenedi nDecember.What ever.Not
hingisgoingto
ruinthi
sdayforme.Ipushawayt houghtsofmyf atherasIsign
ont hedot
tedli
ne.

Done.Thegi rlisnowar egi

steredlegalpr act
it
ioner,conveyancer
andnot arypubl i
c,putsomer espekont hat.May beI’
mi magining
butIhearmymot her’
sex ci
tedululati
on, t
hesameoneshewoul d
l
etr i
pev eryprizegivi
ngdaybef orepranci ngaroundt hebottom of
thestagewi thmeonmyback.Iswal l
owt helumpofemot ions
thatcomewi t
ht hatrecoll
ecti
onandIgobackt ositnextto
Tafadzwa.Hi shandf indsit’
swayt omi neandIsqueezehi m back
thi
st i
meandt hei di
otgroans.Thatbr i
ngsasmi letomyf aceand
Itrytoignorehi m andthewar mthspr eadingbet weenmyl egs, as
focusonmot ioncour t
.

“Lookaty ou!
!Youlookgorgeousandyounail
edy ourr
egist
rat
ion.
Iam sopr oudofyou,ofbothofyou.
”IseeTafadzwablushi
ngat
thelastpartandawkwardlyhuggi
nghismother.

Ibeam l
i
ketheproudfacil
it
atorthatIam,Idi
dthat.Well
,notall
of
i
tbutmostofit
.Ok,let
’sjustbacktrackt
oDecemberholidays.We
cl
osedbefor
eUnityDayandev ent houghIdr
eadedgoingback
homeIdidn’
thaveasolidreasonnott ogosoTafadzwadrov eme
toGweruandinsi
stedonleavi
ngmebythegat
ebuthewoul
dn’
t
comeinbecauseheclai
mst heonl
ydaymyfat
herwi
ll
knowhim
i
swhenhecomest opayroora.

From themomentIgoti nthroughthedoor ,Iwastreatedwith

i
nsul t
s.Iwascall
eddi srespectf
ulforlett
ingmysugardaddi es
dropmeof f,whostil
lcal l
sblesser
st hat?ThenIwasi nter
rogated
fornotsendingasinglecenthomeev enthoughIwaswor kingin
Har ar
eandmypoorf atherhadsentmet oschool.Iwasqui et
throughoutnotsayi
ngawor datt i
mesi thelpsbutthatdayit
seemedt oaddpetrol toherfir
e.

Shest art
edsayingallthesenast yt hi
ngsaboutmymot her
,howI
am justli
keheralltheeducat i
ony etsti
llaneighbourhoodbicy
cle
andsomanymor ethingsthatIcannott hinkaboutwi t
hout
breakingdown.Iwentt omybedr oom andl ockedmy selfi
n,
l
eav i
nghershout i
ngaf terme.WhenIf oundmycl othesinthe
statetheywerein,theywer eclearlybeingwor noften,somehad
holesinthem andsomewer emi ssing,thatwasmyl astst
raw.

Iwascur l
edupi naballandcr y
ingmyey esoutwhenTaf adzwa
cal
led.Ianswer edandIcoul dn’
tstopsobbing.Hei mmediatel
y
tur
nedar oundandcal l
edanhourl at
erdemandi ngIcomeoutwi t
h
mybagsbef orehebar gesintothehouse.Ididn’thav
ethe
str
engtht oargueandIneededt ogetoutofthathouse,before
shebrokemeanyf ur
ther,soIleft
.
Ihadn’tevenunpacked.Myf at
herl ookedf orl
ornandIwi shI
couldhavestayedf orhim butIwasal mostatmybr eaki
ngpoi nt
soIleftwithTafadzwaandhedr oveusbackt otheapar t
ment .
Whenhi smot herheardIwasar oundshepr oposedwegot o
Binga.Hisfat
hercoul dn’
tmakei tsoitwasj ustthethreeofus.
Thereisabeachi nBingat hatIhadnoi deaexisted,itwas
heavenlybutevenmor erewardingisthef actthatIgotBar bi
eand
hersont otal
k,real
lytalkandironoutt heirdiff
erences.

Naomi'
sexpensivef r
agrancecrowdsmynost ri
lsandgetsmeout
ofmymusi ngsandIhugherbackf ier
celyandIlingeramoment
i
nherarms.Shel etsme.Unt i
lTafadzwast art
s,pull
i
ngmeoutof
herembrace.He’ssti
llj
ealousoftherelati
onshipthatIhav
ewi t
h
hi
smotherwhi chiscrazy.Hishugisinti
mat e,heisful
l-
ongropi
ng
mynonexistentassunderneathmygown.

“I'
m soproudofyou.Ican’twaitt
oshowy oujusthowproudIam
ofy out
onightwhenyouar einnothi
ngbutthatjabot
,gownand
thosesinf
ulheel
s.”Myclitthr
obsatthepromiseinthisvoi
ce.

Webr eakapartbecauseever
y onehast ogot owork,Naomi
promisestosendmet hepi
ctureswet ookbeforegivi
ngmea
bri
efhugandgoi ngtohercar.Tafadzwagi vesmeaswi ftki
ss
andtell
smet obeear l
ytoni
ght ,hehasplans.Heregist
eredlast
monthandIdi dn’
tbecauseIhadj ustboughtmyf i
rstbaby.The
sati
sfact
ionthatfi
ll
smewhenIputt hekeyi nmyBMW 120i .It’
s
not
hingbi
gorf
ancy
,it
’sahat
chbackbuti
t’
smi
ne.

Iworkedhardtobeablet
oaffor
dt hi
sbeaut
y,Ihadtotakeon
ext
racases,Ibr
oughtonsomeclient
sandthatmademegeta
comfort
ablebonus.Mybasi
csalaryi
sUS$400andmostofmy
moneycomesf rom al
l
owancesandcommi ssi
onfrom drawi
ng
cont
racts.

I
twaseasiert
osaveupbecauseTaf
adzwafl
atl
yref
usedwhenI
of
fer
edtochir
pinwit
hrentandhi
smotheri
salwaysbuyi
ngus
gr
oceri
es.

Ialwaysignoremyst epmother
'slongt ext
sdemandi ngIpayf or
mysi bl
ings’schoolf
ees.Idon’
towet hem anyt
hing.Igive10%of
mysal aryastit
hetotheCatholi
cDi oceseofGwer u,Ihaven’
tset
footinchurchinagesbutmay bet hemoneywi llhel
pt akeanother
gir
l,wit
hnoonei nhercor
nerli
keme, toschoolandhel pherreach
herdreams.

“
Why
'r
emengr
eat'
ti
ltheygot
tabegr
eat
?

Huh?Woo!
”

Lizzo'
sri
chdist
inctv
oicecomesonandItur
nitup,
singi
ngal
ong
tothefir
stv
ersebecauseonlyt
hatandt
hechorusi
swhatIknow.
“
Ijustt
ookaDNAt
est

Tur
nsoutI
'
m ahundr
edper
centt
hatbi
tch

Ev
enwhenI
'
m cr
yingcr
azy

Yeah,
Igotboypr
obl
ems,
that
'st
hehumani
nme

Bl
i
ngbl
i
ng,
thenIsol
ve'
em,
that
'st
hegoddessi
nme”

Igettoworkandev eryonecheersbeforehandi
ngmegi ft
s.Iam
bl
essedtobethebabyi nthefi
rm andonev er
yone'
sgoodbooks.
Thebosssayslunchi sonhim andhisgifttomeisacontractf
or
apermanentposit
ion.I’m oncl
oud9andmysmi l
estr
etches
widerwhenIgetav ideocallf
rom myf avour
it
egirl
.

“
Lookaty
ou!Zi
mramoneyi
sagr
eei
ngwi
thy
ou.Thatgl
ow!
”

Shelaughsandshelooksevenmoregorgeous.I
’
mreall
ygladshe
gotthejob,
shehel
pedmewi t
hthecl
earanceofmycarin
Bei
tbri
dge.Ihav
efri
endsinhighpl
acesnow.

“
Youaretheglowi
ngoneMi
ssr
egi
ster
edl
egal
pract
it
ionerwho
r
ecei
vesdickonadai
ly.
”

Wel
aughandt
radest
ori
esaboutourj
obs,
wet
alkof
tenon
WhatsAppbutit
’sjustnott
hesame.Imi
ssher.She’
sset
tl
ingi
n
wel
lbutIcantel
lthere’
ssomethi
ngonhermind.

“
Whati
sit
?Spi
titout
.”

Shedeniesf
orafewsecondsbef
orel
aughi
ngandpr eeni
ng
her
self
,somethi
ngshedoeswhenshe’
snervous.Icoaxherunt
il
shespeaks.

“Imetsomeone.He’ si
ntome, total
lymyt ype,
wegot othesame
chur
chandhe’ shandsomeandal lbutIhavebeenhol di
ngback.
DoIjusttel
lhimfrom t
heget -
got hatIcan’
thav echi
ldrenordoI
gowiththeflow?Ili
kehim butIdon’twantt ooutmyhear ti
nthe
l
ineli
kethat.
”Shespeakssoqui ckl
yandonl yexhal
eswhenshe’s
donetal
king.Hersisacompl i
catedsituat
ion.

“Hewantstodatey ounotmarryyou,sogettoknowhimfir
stand
thenwheny ouaresureyouseeaf ut
urewit
hhim andhedoestoo,
l
ethim know.Butfornowjustgowi t
hthefl
ow.”Shedoesn’
t
seem convi
ncedsoIdr opmyvoiceandmai nt
aineyecont
actwit
h
her.Iwanthert
oseehowsi ncereIam bei
ng.

“
Nosi
hle,
nothavingawombdoesn’
tmakeyouanyl
essofa
womanoranylessdesi
rabl
eandy
ouhavet
ostoppuni
shi
ng
y
our
sel
f,l
ove,
oversomet
hingt
haty
oucan'
tchange.
”

Shegetst earyandIaskabouthermot herjustt

omakehersmil
e
andforthei ntensemomentt opass.Ther
ei saknockonmydoor
andIhav etohangupqui ckly.I
t’
smybossandhe’ sbeami
ngli
ke
aproudf ather.I’
mref
lecti
nghissmileunti
lIam metbyan
apprai
singl ookbyanothersetofeyesbehindhi
m.

“
Vimbai
,thi
sisoneofourbi
ggestcl
i
ent
s,hei
s…”

Idon’thereawor dmybosssay saf t

erthatbecauser ecoll
ection
hi
tsme.I t'
shim,thejer
kfrom thatpartythatJacobtookust o,t
he
bi
gshar kwhot urnedouttobear udeandar r
ogantdouche.He' s
sti
l
lwel l
-gr
oomedf rom hi
sfreshhaircuttohisfinel
ypepper ed
beard.Hisshouldersfi
rml
yfil
loutthebl azerhe'swearing,hi
s
upri
ghtposturebelli
esapower ful
almostar rogantself
-assurance.

He'sinanotherf
itt
edcust om-madesuit,
thi
sonelooksItal
ianand
i
sdouble-breast
ed.Hest il
lhasthepl
aingoldbandonhisr i
ng
fi
ngerandanev enmor eexpensiveRolexwatchonhiswr i
st.Up
cl
oseandi nbroadday l
ighthe'
sanev enmorehandsomedev i
l,
butther
eissomet hingcoldandclosedoffaboutt
hiseyes,asif
hedoesn'thaveasoul .
Iam forcedtolookawayf rom hi
scoldeyeswhenmybosscalls
outmynameandIpr etendtohaveheardwhohesaidthemani s
andIsmi lecourteouslyasIshakehishand.Hesmilestoobut
thereissomethingsinisterabouthi
ssmi l
eoram Ibei
ngtoo
paranoid.Hemi ghtnotev enbethesameman, ImeanIonly
bri
eflysawhim oncel asty ear
.

“I
t’
snicetomeety
ouMi
ssTar
uza,
yourbossspeaksv
eryhi
ghl
y
ofyou.”

Hishandshakei sshortandimper sonalandthereisno

recogniti
oninhiseyesjustthesamecol dapprai
singlookthathe
hadonwhent heygotintomyof f
ice.Ishakemypar anoiaaway ,
heisn’tthesameper sonorhewoul dbet aki
nggreatpleasurein
remindingmeofal lthehorri
blethingsIsaidtohimt hatday.They
don’tstaylongbutIam leftthi
nkingofthecol dman, something
abouthi mjustr
ubsmeof fthewr ongway .

……

Happyweekaheadf am,
I'
m busywit
ht heclear
ancesal
eor
der
s.
Thankyout
oallthosewhoorderedovertheweekend.

Lov
eandLi
ght
Sunshi
neandShadows

Twent
y-ni
ne

( SLSN)

Icoul
dn’
tshakethefeel
ingIgotfrom t
hatguybutitvani
shesthe
momentIgettoourapar t
mentandIturnthedoorhandle.Pi
nk
rosepet
alsar
ecreati
ngat rai
landasti
ckynoteisstuckonthe
mirr
orbythepassage.

“
Youbet
terst
artundr
essi
ngnow.
”

Il
aughbutIstil
ldropmybagsont heott
omanandshrugoutof
mypantsuit
,thenIhavetowearmyshoesagai
nbecauseIknow
Taf
adzwawi l
l makemecomebackandweart hem.I’
m gladI
worenewracyunder weart
oday.Under
wearmakesmef eel
powerf
ulli
keIcanbr i
ngthewholeworl
ddowntoitskneeswit
h
j
usttheri
ghtthongandguttercombo.

“
Leav
ethej
abotandgownon.
”
Thegowni sabi theavybutli
ketheobedienthornymesst hatIam,
IleaveinonandIkeepf oll
owingthetrai
l
.Itleadstothebedroom
andIf i
ndTafadzwai nhi
sbirthdaysui
t,l
yingonhissidewhile
twirl
i
ngar oseinhishand.Ican’thel
pthesmi let
hatbreaksout,
spli
tti
ngmyf aceintotwo.

“Whosaidyoushouldsmilecounsel?Stopthati
nfr
act
ionr
ight
nowbeforeIholdyouincontempt.”Theli
ghtdanci
nginhi
seyes
bel
li
esthehardnessofhisvoiceandItrytoputonmypokerface.

“
That
’smor
eli
kei
tcounsel
,appr
oacht
hebench.
”

Itr
ytosashaymywayt
owardshi
m butt
hisgowni
sengul
fi
ngme
andmessingwit
hmymojo.

“Permissi
ont or
emov
ethegown,mylor
d.”Hisey
essweep
thr
oughmeandIcan’thel
ptheshar
pintakeofbr
eat
hthathi
s
perusalel
ici
ts.

“Whyareyoul
odgi
ngsuchanappl
icat
ioncounsel
?”Il
i
ckmy
suddenl
ydryl
i
psbefor
eIcanr
espond.

“If
indt
hispar
ti
cul
arar
ti
cleofcl
othi
ngcumber
some,myl
ord.
”Hi
s
eyesgl
immerever
yti
meIaddresshim asmyl
ord.
“Appl
icat
iongr
antedcounsel
,youmaypr oceedtoremovet
he
cumbersomearti
cleofcl
othi
ng,however,doitsl
owlyandi
na
fashi
onthatwi
llmeri
tastandi
ngov at
ion.
”

“
Ifi
tpl
easest
hecour
t,myl
ord.
”

Isl
owl
yshr
ugofft
hegown,channel
l
ingmyi
nnerCar
diB,
bobbi
ng
downandt
wer
kingli
keapai
dstri
pper.

“Enough,counsel
!NeedIr
emi
ndy
out
haty
ouar
eusi
ngupt
he
court
'sti
me.”

Hisstif
frodsayshel
ovesmyl i
tt
leperformanceandthathe
approvesofthebl
ackgut
terandfishnetsthatwe’
rehi
dden
underneatht
hegown.

Iswaymyhi psasIappr oachhim andstandinfrontofhi

m with
mylegsapart,givi
nghisgreedyhandsroom tof r
iskmenotso
gentl
y.Hi
sf i
ngersli
ngeronmycl itor
isandstrokeitr
oughly
,the
fr
ict
ioncausedbyt hel
aceagainstmycl ithasmykneesweakand
myey essmarting.

“
Eversoeagerandr
eady
,ar
en’
tyoucounsel
?Ial
way
sseet
he
wayyoul ookatmewheny outhinkI
’m notl
ooking.Thewayyou
openthet opbuttonsofyourbl
ouse.Doy ouknowhowmany
ti
mesIhav ewantedtospreadyourl
egsacr ossmypaneland
char
gey ouf orbeingabad,badcounsel?
”

I
ncoher
entmurmur
sar
eall
thatIcanut
terandt
hesuddenpi
nch
ofmynippl
ehasmewhi
mperi
ng.

“Youwillr
espondaudi blywhenspokento,
youhav
ebeeni n
contemptofthiscour ttwi
cealr
eady.DoImakemyselfcl
ear
,
counsel?
”It’
shar dcollect
ingmywordswhenhehaspushedasi
de
thel
acymat eri
al ofmyt hongandpl
ungedhist
wofingers
simult
aneouslyinsideofme.

“Yesmy …ohLor
d!”Iwhi
mperi
nneedwhenhesuddenl
ytakesout
hisfi
ngersandl
ickst
hem whi
l
elooki
ngatmedi
rect
ly.

“
Onyourkneescounsel
,ri
ghtt
her
eont
hatspotandr
epeataf
ter
me.
”

Icompl yandIpushupmychestt ogi

vehim ampl
ev i
ewofmy
creamybr eastsandhewant stopl
aywit
hthem buthehastostay
i
nchar acter.Hecount
er-
teasesmebystrokinghi
mselfandhi
s
veinsarepoppingoutdel
iciousl
y.
“
I,Vi
mbai
Natal
ieTaruza,
”hi
svoi
cei
sfi
rm andi
ncont
rol
whi
l
e
minei
sbr
eat
hlessandjumpy.

“
Dot
aket
hiscor
k,t
olov
eandt
ohonour
…”

WhenIgett
ocorkhesuddenlyi
nser
tsitdeepi
nmymout
handI
endupswal
lowi
ngtherestofmywords.

“Remembercounsel
,thi
sisanoat
handIwantt
oheary
our
epeat
aft
erme.
”

“
Ung…ng…ng…tu…”mywor dsareincoher
entashepusheshimself
i
nandIhavetosheathmyt eet
hleastIhurthi
m.It
akehim deep
i
nmythroatandthehisst
hatleaveshisl
ipsiswor
ththet
ears
t
hatf
il
lmyey es.

Alldecorum haslefttheroom ashecallsmeallthedir

tywords
thatmakemyi nnerhoetakeov ermybodyandI ’
m deep-t
hroati
ng
him asifhe’
smyl astmeal .Mypoorwigwouldhavecomeof fby
nowi fmyinnercapwasn’ tfast
enedti
ghtl
y.Wit
hagr oanli
kea
woundedani mal,IfeelTafadzwa'shotsemenfil
lmymout handI
gagoni tabitbeforeIcanmoder at
eit
.Iswall
owev er
ysingle
drop.

Taf
adzwai
ssl
appi
ngmycl
i
twi
thhi
shal
f-
sof
tpeni
s,whi
l
emyr
ed-
bottom heel
sar eperchedonhi sshoulders.I’
m exposedf ul
ly
,for
hisandmypl easure.Ican’thel
pt hemoant hatbreaksoutofmy
l
ipswhenhepusheshi sfi
ngersinsideandcoat sthem wi t
hmy
j
uice.Heusest hem tolubemyot herholebeforeinserti
ngaf i
nger
there.Itr
ytoholdont othebedbutheshar plyinstruct
smet o
playwi t
hmybr easts.Thesightofmepl ayingwi t
hmybr east
shas
him hardandinsidemei namat t
erofseconds.

Icanfeeleveryi
nchofhimr i
ghtuptohisbal
lsandwhenhe
i
nsertsanotherfi
ngeronmyot herhol
eIfeel
stret
chedful
l
yli
ke
I’
m abouttoburst.Hismovementsarewil
dandf r
enzi
edcausi
ng
mywal l
stocomecr umbl
ingdown.

“Il
oveyou,
youknowt
hatr
ight
?Iwoul
dgi
vey
out
hewor
ldi
fI
could.
”

Hiswor dswraparoundmeandIt i
ltmyf
acesot hatIcankisshi
m.
Iknowhel ovesmeandIf eelt
hesamewayabouthi m.Beingin
hisarmsl i
kethi
sfeel
sli
kebeinghome.Tafadzwafulfi
l
smei n
way sthatnooneelsedoes.Heknowspart
sofmet hatIkeep
hiddenfrom t
herestoftheworl
d.

“
Iwoul
dgot
otheendsoft
hewor
ldf
ory
out
oo.
”

Thosear
emyl
astwor
dsbef
oreIdr
if
tof
ftosl
eep.
“
Ifhedon'
tl
ovey
ouany
mor
e

Justwal
kyourf
ineassoutt
hedoor

Idomyhai
rtoss

Checkmynai
l
s

Babyhowy
ouf
eel
i
n'?

Feel
i
nggoodashel
l

Hai
rtoss

Checkmynai
l
s

Babyhowy
ouf
eel
i
n'?

Feel
i
nggoodashel
l

Feel
i
nggoodashel
l

Babyhowy
ouf
eel
i
n'?

Feel
i
nggoodashel
l
”

Li
zzoismyspi r
itanimal
,Tafadzwadoesn’tunderst
andmy
obsessi
onwi thherbuttheunderlyi
ngmessagei nmostofher
songsispickingyoursel
fupandl ovi
ngyoursel
fandGodknowsI
havestruggl
edt oreachthi
spointinmyl i
fewhereIfeel
good
aboutmy sel
f.Wher eIcanlookatmy sel
fandnothav et
oli
eto
myselforanyoneaboutwhoIam.
Igotitall
lastnightandI’
mf eel
i
ngasgoodashel l.Wearenowi n
FebruaryandVal ent
ine’
sdayisaroundthecorner
.It
’saleapyear
andIdon’tknowwhatIcangetf ormyValenti
ne.CheesyIknow,
butyoucan’tblameagi rlf
orbeinginl
ove.Themansi shit
ti
ngall
theri
ghtspot s.

Iclockedmyf ir
stbighousesal el astweekandIknowI ’m duea
healthysalarythismont h.Thel ovelypartaboutworki
ngforafi
rm
l
iket heoneIwor kforisthattheirclient
sareloadedandtheybuy
houseswor t
hhundr edsoft housandsofdol l
arsandwhoget st
o
clockint enpercentoft henetsal eoft hehouse?The
conv eyancer,ofcourse,convey ancingwasashi ttymodul
eat
school butboywasi tworthit.Idon’tgetthefull10%assomeof
i
tgoest othef i
rm butstil
l
,it
’sal otofhar dcurr
ency.I
t’
sgoingt
o
goi ntomyMBAf unds.

MoneymakesmehappyandI
’mi
nagoodmoodev
enasIdr
aft
bor
ingappl
i
cat
ionst
hewhol
emorni
ng.

“
Martha,Idon’
tthi
nkI
’
llbegoingoutf
orl
uncht
oday
.Ist
il
lhav
eto
f
ini
shdrafti
ngthi
sbai
lappl
icati
on.
”

Isaywit
houtl
ooki
ngup,Marthaistheonl
yonei nt
hisfir
m cl
oser
tomyagesoweusuall
ygot olunchtoget
herandshehasbeen
l
ookingoutf
ormealot.Whenshedoesn’trespondIlookupand
i
t’
snotMar t
habutthatsharkthatmybossint
roducedtomel ast
month.Thewayhe’
ssi l
entl
ylookingatmeiscreepi
ngmeoutbut
Idon’
twanthimtoknowt hat.Ipl
asteronmymostpr of
essi
onal
smil
eandgreethi
m.

“
Goodaf
ter
noonMrumm…Si
r.HowcanIhel
pyou?
”

Hest udi
esmef orasecondlongerthannecessar
yandhi
sperusal
makesmyhear tbeatfastf
orwhat everr
eason.Noti
nan‘
I’
m
at
tractedtohi
m' moreofan‘I’
m abouttopissonmypant
s'way.

“
Bybei
ngmi
ne.
”

Thewor
dsaresaidwithauthori
tyandIhear
dhim cl
earl
ybutIst
il
l
askf
orhi
spardon.Againthatuncomfor
tabl
eperusal
.

“
Ididn’
tst
utt
er,
”hi
sey
esr
emi
ndmeofsomeonebutI
’
m notsur
e
who.

“Suchpol
it
eness,wher
ewasthi
spoli
tenesswhenyouwere
call
ingmeallki
ndsofnames?WhatdidyousayIhav
eagai
n?Oh,
yes.Smal
ldickener
gy.
”
Igul
pdownsomesaliv
a,her
emembersme!Istar
tapologi
sing
prof
usel
ybutheonl
yli
ft
sonehandandIshutmypieholeup.

“Youwon’
tli
etomeandsayy
ouwer edr
unkbutwhatyouwil
ldo
i
sgoonadr i
vewit
hmeandaftert
hisdr
iveIassur
eyou,
youwil
l
bemine.
”

He'
ssti
llaclassApri
ckandIbi t
emyl i
pbefor
ethethoughtf
inds
i
t’
swayoutofmymout h.Asmuchofapr ickt
hatheis,hei
sstil
l
oneofthi
sfirm’
smostv al
uedclient
sandIhavetowatchmy
wordsbefor
eIfindmycontractsummaril
yter
minat
ed.

“Sir
,Ithi
nktherehasbeensomemi sunder
standi
ng.Iapol
ogi
se
forspeakingoutoftur
nthenbutIhaveaboy f
ri
endandIam not
l
ookingtobey ouranythi
ng.
”Myv oi
ceisfi
rm andmyangeris
suppressedandI’m ev
enmor ei
rkedwhenhesmi l
esatmy
response.

“
Iknow.
”

Befor
eIcanaskhimt obel
esscrypt
ic,
mybosscomesi nt
omy
off
icel
ikethedev
ili
sonhistai
l
.I’
veneverseenhi
mt hi
sfl
att
ened
ar
oundclient
sbefor
e.Thi
smanmustbeabi gdeal
.
“Iam sorrymyphonecal l
tookwayt ool
ong.Ther eisan
emer gencythatIhav etoatt
endto,Vimbaiyouwi l
lhavetostepi
n
forme.Ev er
y oneelsehassomethinggoingonandy ouareonly
goingtheretowr it
edownwhati ssaidandr epor
tbackt ome.I’
m
reall
ysorryI
an, butIassureyouVimbaiismor ethancapableof
taki
ngcar eofy ou.IknowIhadsaidwe'llt
akeheral ongtobean
observer…”

“
It
’sfi
neBat
sir
ai,
Ithi
nkshei
smor
ethancapabl
eoft
aki
ngcar
eof
me.”

Mybossisei
thert
oof
lust
eredt
oseeanythi
ngamissorI
’mt
oo
par
anoi
dandmyguardisupbutthi
sIani
ssmirki
ngli
keaman
who’
splani
scomingt
ogethert
hewayhewantsitto.

“
Nowl
et’
staket
hatdr
iveIr
equest
ed.
”

.
..
..

Mor
ningFami
l
y

Pl
easej
oinmef oraFacebookLiv
eDiscussi
onofFall
enCandl
e
onmypersonal
account:Busi
seki
leKhumalo.I
t'
spubl
icsoyou
shoul
dbeablet
ojoi
ninandIam mor
ethanwi
l
li
ngt
oanswerany
quest
ionsy
oumayhave.

Thi
sist
hepar
toft
hestorywher
eyoumakesur
eyourmedi
cal
aid
i
suptodat
eonpayments.

Lov
eandLi
ght

Busi
seki
l
eKhumal
o
Sunshi
neandShadows

Thi
rt
y

Itrytobli
nkbackt hetearsandf ocusondr i
ving.Icoul dn’
tworkin
thisstat
esoI ’vet
akentheaf t
ernoonof f
.Ididn’tev enhaveto
claimtobesi ck,mybosst ookonel ookatmyashenf aceand
saidIcant aketherestofthedayof fandifIstill
feel thesameon
Mondayt oj ustgotothedoctor.OnlyIdon’tthinkt hatanydoctor
cancur ethisemptyandcol dfeeli
ngthathasset tledintothepit
ofmyst omach.

Ican’thel
pbutfeelthatthi
sisallmyfaul
t.IfIhadn’tbeensohel
l-
bentonf i
ndi
ngsomeonet ocushionthel
ifesty
leIthoughtI
deservethenIwouldn’tbeheretodayatcrossroads.Iwantto
scream andlashout,i
twon’thel
pmeoutoft hismess.Not hi
ng
wil
l.

Myr i
ngt onest
artl
esmeandIal mostlosemyhol dov erthe
steer
ingwheel.I’v
ebeenj i
tteryandjumpyev ersincet hatv
ileman
droppedmeof fatmyof f
ice.Ilookatthescr eenandi t’
s
Tafadzwa’ smother.Myhear tstar
tsracingasi fshesomehow
knowswhatIknownow.Whent hecallendsIsi ghbutmyr el
iefi
s
short-
liv
edast heringt
onegoesof fsoonafter.Iclearmyt hroat
andpr essaccept.
“
I’
m sor
ryI
’
m dr
ivi
ng,
canIcal
lyouback?
”

Isayqui
ckl
ytryi
ngtoforestallanyconv
ersation.Idon’
tfeelr
eady
total
ktoanyoneri
ghtnow.Ij ustwanttobeal oneandtrytocome
upwithastr
ategytogetmy selfoutofthi
smess.Aweek.That ’
s
howlongI’
vebeengiventomakeupmymi nd.That’
showl ongI
havetocomeupwi thastrategy.

“
Dri
vi
ng?Ar
en’
tyousupposedt
obeatwor
k?”

Butofcour
se,
todayj
usti
sn’
tgoi
ngmyway
.

“
Hadt
oknockof
fear
ly,
migr
aine.
”

Shecluckshersy mpat hybefor

einsi
sti
ngthatIdri
vetoSkinSpa
XpressinRol fVall
ey .That’
snexttoStJohn’
s!!It
rytoprot
estbut
shejusttel
lsmet hatI’l
lfi
ndherwaiti
ngandthenringsoff
.Barbi
e
i
sn’ttol
dNoof tenenoughandt hatmakeshernotwanttoaccept
i
tfrom others.SheandI anshouldswapnotes,onl
yIanismore
rut
hlessandunder handedinhistacti
cstogethisway.

“Thi
sshouldn’
tev
enbethathar
dofadecisi
onfory
outomake,
becausedeepdownyouwantme.Youcravetobewit
haman
whocanhandl
eyou.Youarefi
re,
sapphi
reandthatboydoesn’
t
ev
enknowwhatapr eci
ousj
ewelhehasinhishands.Ido.
”

Iargued,Idi
dbutthenhemockedme,
askingwhymyskinhad
brokenintogoosebumpsandwhymybreat
hhit
chedwhenhe
l
eanedov er.Hewastooclose.

Youenjoyedtheadrenal
inerushhi
sproximit
ybrought
,my
subconsci
ousrearsit
’suglyj
udgment
al headandIshuti
tof
fasI
fol
lowtheroadtowardstheSkinSpaXpress.

Ii
gnorethesneerthatmysubconsciousisgivingmejustasI
i
gnorethefactthatIcannotgetI
an’sscentoutofmynost r
il
s.My
phonegoesof fagai
nandt hi
sti
meit’sTafadzwa.Myheart
l
urchesandIhav etoremindmysel
fthatIhav en’
tdoneanyt
hing
wrong.Yet
.Iletoutabreathandanswer.

“
Baby
,hanzi
naMomzhausi
kunzwamushe,
what
’swr
ong?
”

Theconcerni
nhisvoi
cehit
smeandmakesmef
eel
gui
l
tyev
en
thoughIknowIshoul
dn’
tbefeel
i
nggui
l
ty.

“
Justami
grai
ne,
itwi
l
lpassaf
terIgetamassage.Don’
tst
ress
l
ove.
”
Hei nsi
stst hatIshoul
dt aketheful
lpamper i
ngpackagefr
om the
massaget herapytoparaffi
nwaxpedi cur
e.Thatmakesmegi ggl
e
becauset hef i
rstti
meIt oldhi
m aboutit,
hesaidIshouldpl
ayfar
fr
om Mbar eot her
wisetheywouldusemyf eett
oli
ghtthei
r
paraffi
nstov es.

“Ther
eist
hatlaughthatmakesmyhear tst
il
lthenstartpumping
funny
.Il
oveyouVimbai,andIcan’
twaittori
dewi t
hy ouunti
lwe
areol
dandhav esaggi
ngskinandnoteeth.
”

Ican’thel
pthesof
tsobthatcomesoutathiswords.Il
ovehim
withmywhol eent
ir
ebei
ngandIhat et
hatIhavetohurttheone
personwhoknowsme, real
lyknowsmeandstil
ll
ov esmel i
keI
’m
theonlygir
lint
heworl
d.

Ifi
ndBarbi
eal
readyi
narobeandshegivesmeal onghug.Icli
ng
toher
,GodknowsIcoul
duseamot her'
shugri
ghtnow.Wef inal
ly
l
etgoandshelookssoconcer
ned.Ibr
ushoffherconcer
nandI
gotoremovemyclot
hes.

Twohour sl
aterI’m gl
owing,mynailsareonf l
eekbutIstil
lfeel
l
ikeIhavethewor ldonmyshoul ders.Barbi
ehasbeent ell
i
ngme
aboutherbusinessesandhercompet i
tor
s.Beingi
ncorpor ate
soundscutthr
oatandIt rytoconcentrat
eonwhatshe’st el
lingme
i
nsteadofIan’
sl astwords.
“
Oneweek,
youonl
yhav
eoneweek.Maket
her
ightchoi
ce.
”

Barbi
e’
svoi
cesnapsmeoutofmythoughtsandIl
ookather
.She
hasthi
sno-
nonsensel
ookonherf
acethatshehadthef
ir
stt
imeI
mether.

“
Vimbai,Iknowt hatI
’myourboy f
ri
end’
smot herandthatmight
l
i
mi thowfreey ouareorhowmuchy ouopenupt ome.Ijustwant
y
out oknowt hatIam her
easy ourmot heraswel l
.Il
ovey ounot
j
ustformysonbutal soasthey oungsisterIneverhad.Ineedyou
t
oknowt haty oucantal
ktome. ”

Isi
ghweighi
nghowmuchofmydi l
emmaIcandiv
ulget
oher
wit
houtcompromi
singherormy
sel
f.Ideci
det
obeascrypt
icasI
can.

“Wouldy
oudosomethi
ngthatwoul
dhur
ttheoney
oul
ovet
o
prot
ectt
hem i
nthel
ongrun?
”

Shecontempl at
esmyquest
ionandclosesherey essothatAgnes
canwor ksomemagiconhereyes.Istar
efascinatedatthe
blendi
ngofblueandgol
dbeforeIhavetoclosemyowney esas
Tapiwawor ksonme.
“Closingmywombwaspr obablyt
hemostsel fi
shthi
ngIhav e
everdonebuti fIhadn’tdonethatIwoul dhavehadanotherchil
d
thatIwoul dhaveresentedandmymar riagewouldhavetakenon
evenmor estr
ain.DoIseet helookoflongingonmyhusband' s
facewhenev erheseessomeonehol dingababy ?Orthewaymy
soni salwaysaroundhi syoungercousins?Ido.ButIwoulddoit
alloveragain.Justt
opr otectthi
sli
feweal lcher
ishnow.”

Ihavetoopenmyeyessot
hatt
heycanbel
i
nedandBar
biei
sn’
t
evenlooki
ngatme.

“WhatI’
m sayingli
tt
leoneist
hatIknowyourheart
,Imighthav
e
accusedyouint hebegi
nni
ngbutnowIknowt hatyouwould
neverknowinglyhur
tanyonel
eastofal
lmyson.”

Ican’thel
pt hest r
aytearthatleav
esmyey e.Tapiwaclucksand
saysIbet t
ernotr ui
nhiswor kofart.Welaughandt hemoment
passes.Igr umbl ewhenwehav etowearhi gh-
classdresses,even
thoughmi nef eel
slikeasilkdream andhast hemostdar ingsli
t.
ThisisBarbi e’swayoft r
ickingmei ntogoingwithhert osome
workev ent.Ipl eadaheadachebutshecl aimswe’ l
lonlygothere
toshowourf acesthengohome.

Iendupinhercar,
someonei
sdri
vingitandmi
newasalsot
aken
toourapar
tment.Wedon’
tdr
ivet
hatfarandwetur
nint
oThe
Brookegolfandcountr
yclub.Thedarkeningskyhaspuf f
sof
powderpinkcloudsref
lect
edinthetinywaterreservoi
rs,
flankby
rol
li
nggreens.Themeticul
ouslycutgrassdoesn’tcausethat
muchofapr oblem t
othedangerouslythi
nt i
psoftheshoest hat
Barbi
einsi
stedthatIwear.

Mybr eathcat
cheswhenIseesomegor geousfai
ryl
ight
sdonning
thetreesfl
anki
ngapat htowar dsthisti
nyglasschapelt
hatis
ri
ghtnexttothebiggestwaterr eserv
oir.I
ttr
ulyl
ooksenchanti
ng,
asifI’v
esteppedi
ntoaf air
ytale.I’
mt oocaughtupinthewonder
ofitallt
hatwhenIfinal
lyspotTaf adzwaononekneei nthe
middleofthechapel,myhear tfeelsl
ikeleadinmystomach.

Ilookaroundatt hesmi l
i
ngf acesofhi
sparentsandhisfr
iends,
andIwantt ogotot heputt
ingsandandburymyheadt hereuntil
thismomentpasses.No, no, no!Howcr
uelcantheuniver
sebe?I
spotNosi hleexci
tedlywavi
ngt omenexttoTwal umbaandI ’
m
toofrozent oevensmi l
eatherorwav eback.Barbi
epushesme
towardsTaf adzwaandhecl aspsmycoldhandintohi
swar m and
surpri
singlymoisthand.

Just
inBieber'
s“Holy
”start
ssoftl
ypl ay
inginthebackgr
oundandI
can’
ttearmyey esawayfrom Tafadzwa.I’
mt ry
ingtoconv
eyto
himthemessaget oabortthemission.Al
lIseeisloveswi
mming
i
nhisey es.
“Vi
mbai Natal
ieTaruza,Iknowthatwear est
il
lyoungbutmy
heartknowsthatyouar etheoneIam meanttogrowoldwith.
Youar etheoneIwantt ofaceever
ystorm wit
h.Iwanttori
deto
deathwithyouandmakey out
hehappiestwomani nt
hewor l
d.
BeforeIcandothat,pleasedomet hehonourofbeingthewif
eof
myy outh.Marr
yme. ”

Hei sholdingoutt hemostper f

ectring,
itistwinkli
nginthesoft
l
ighting.Tearsarest r
eamingdownmyey esand, notthehappy
kind.Myhear tfeelsli
keit
’sbeingrippedintotwo.Ilookaround
thegor geousset-upandIl ookint
ot heloveinhisey eswhichwi
ll
turnintohatredformesoon.It rytocompar tment al
isethi
s
momentandst oreital
ongsideallt
hehappymemor iesIhaveof
mychi ldhoodandmymot her.

I
’
m sor
ry,
Taf
adzwa,
pleasedon’
that
emeI
’
m doi
ngt
hisf
ory
ou.

Myhear
tsil
ent
lypl
eadsbutout
wardlyI
’
m shaki
ngmyheadand
t
ryi
nghar
dnottosobattheconf
usioni
nhiseyes.

“
Ican’
tdot
his,
I’
m sor
ry.
”

Helet
sgoofmyhandasifi
t’
sahissi
ngrat
tl
esnakeandIwantt
o
godownonmykneesandholdhi
m cl
osetomychestandmake
himf eelt
helovethatIhaveforhiminsi
deofme.Instead,Ipi
ck
upt heski
rtsofmydr essandIrun.Ipauseafewfeetawayt o
quicklyt
akeoffmyshoesandt henIkeeprunni
ngbli
ndlyasthe
tearsburnmyey es.

.
..
..

Mor
ningf
ami
l
y,If
eel
ref
reshed.Thanky
ouf
ory
ourpat
ience.

Whatwast
hehar
destchoi
cey
ouhadt
omakef
orl
ove?

Lov
eandLi
ght

Busi
seki
l
eKhumal
o
Sunshi
neandShadows

Thi
rt
y-one

Regretsarethewor stthi
ngsinthisworld,t
owi shforsomet hi
ng
i
mpossi bl
e:tobr ingbackt i
me.Iwantt ogobackandundot he
damaget hatI’
v edone, may beaskTafadzwaasi deandtalktohim.
ItwasallsosuddenandIgotov er
whelmed.Ijustneededt i
met o
processeverythingt hatIheardandsawt oday
.Themi gr
aineIhad
beforehasintensi f
iedandi tf
eelsli
kemyheadi sbei
nghacked
i
ntot woasifsomeonebl udgeonedmewi thaheav ybluntobject
conti
nuously.

Myv isi
onstart
sbl urr
ingandIbeginseeingt
hingsi
nt woandI
havet osl
owdownwheni tfeelsl
i
ketheeart
hi smovingtowar
ds
myf ace.Idoubleov erandretchasbil
esuddenlyr
isesinmy
thr
oatandi squicklyexpel
ledfrom mymouth.

Idon’tknowhowl ongI’
m sick,butI’m beingpul
ledupby
someone.I t
’sNosihl
eandBar bie.I’
m disappoi
ntedthati
t’
snot
Tafadzwabutmay beit’
sbestt hiswayIwoul dn’
twanthim seei
ng
mel i
kethis.Mymout hsti
nksofv omitandIhavethickbl
ood
dri
ppingdownmynose.
“
Nosihl
epl
easetakesomebottl
edwater,wi
pesandmout hwash
f
rom mypur
se.”Bar
biesoundsl
ikeshe’
sinful
lexecut
ivemode.

She’sgentl
ewhenshewi pesmynoseandt henshemakesme
gurgl
esomewat erandspititoutbeforeshehandsmesomet he
mout hwash.If
eelabitbetterbutmyv i
sionisst
il
lthesameandI
almosttri
pandf al
lwhenwear ewalking.Iholdont
ot hem and
theyushermet oBarbi
e'scar .

I
’m gr
atef
ulthatt
heyarenotaski
ngmeanyquest
ions.Thati
s
unt
ilNosi
hledeci
destoopenherbigt
rap.

“
Vimbiwhathappenedbackther
e?It
houghtyoulov
eTafadzwa,
whywoul
dy ouembarrasshi
ml i
ket
hati
nfrontofever
yone?”

Idon’
thavet hestrengt
htor espondt oher,
Iam pinchi
ngmynose
andtr
yingtost opitfr
om bleeding.Ihaven’
thadanosebl eed
si
ncehighschool .Myv i
sionisstil
lverymuchthesame.Icl ose
myeyestor estthem abitandIsl i
dei nt
othedarkness.

Iwakeupi nthehospi
tal
.Icant
ellf
rom t
hesmellofanti
septi
c
thatst
uckwi t
hmeaf t
ermymot her
’sdeat
h.Ihav
edr i
psstuckin
myar m andit
’sver
ypainf
ulwhenItryt
omov emyar m.I
’m al
one
i
nt heroom andItr
ytorememberwhatgotmeher e.I
tdoesn’
t
t
akel
ongt
orememberandIcanf
eel
myhear
trat
espi
ki
ng.

Adoctorcomesinandshehasawarm smil
e,Iat
temptt
osmi
l
e
backatherbutmyli
psaredr
yandchapped.

“
Youareup,
youhaduswor
ri
edt
her
e..Woul
dyoul
i
kesome
wat
er?
”

Inodmyheadgrat
efulforheroff
erbecausemyt hroatfeel
sli
ke
sandi
spermanent
lylodgedinther
e.Itakegreedysipsfrom t
he
str
awandwonderwhyt her
eisnoonewai ti
ngf orme.Thedoct or
i
sbusywit
hherchatsandexami ni
ngmybl oodpr essur
e.

“Yourbloodpressurehasdr oppedbutI’m st
il
lnothappywi t
h
thesenumber s.Whentheygoty ouhereitwasatadanger ous
175/110whi chisabnormal consider
ingyourageandt hatyouare
notpregnant.Wehadt oaddsomedr i
psbecausey ouare
anaemicandt henosebleedt hatyouhadgotal i
tt
leexcessive.Di
d
youexperiencesomest ressleadingtoyoucoll
apsing?”

Itell
hert hatIhadami grai
neandIwasbookedof fwor kfort
he
after
noonandt hatIgotoverwhelmedandt hat’
swhent he
mi gr
ainecamebackaccompani edbyblur
ryv i
sion,dizzi
nessand
nosebleed.She’swr i
ti
ngeverythingdownandsay sthatshewill
checkf ormybl oodpressureagai ni
nhereveningroundsandi fi
t
hasgonedownt henshemi ghtdischar
geme.
Whenshe’ sdoneanur secomesinwi t
hat rayoff
oodandsay s
thatvi
sit
inghourisabouttostar
t.Idon’twanttoeatbutIneedto
eatandtakemedi cat
ion,shewai
tsnextt omewhi l
eIeatandthen
makessur ethatIhavetakenmymedi cati
onbeforegoingout.

Naomi ,
NosihleandTwal umbacomei nshort
lyaftert
henurse
car
ryingball
oons,fl
ower sandfood.Itryt
osmi lebutIkeep
l
ookingatthedoort hi
nkingthatTafadzwawillfol
lowthem ev
en
astheyfussandf r
etov erme.Whenf iveminuteshavepassed
andhest i
l
lhasn’twalkedin,If
inal
lyask,

“
Wher
eisTaf
adzwa?
”

Inoti
cethelooksthatt
heyshar
ebeforeNaomismil
esbri
ght
ly,
a
l
itt
letoobri
ghtl
y,andwavesherhanddismi
ssi
vel
ybefor
esayi
ng,

“It
oldhi
m nott
ocome,
Idi
dn’
twanty
ourbl
oodpr
essur
etogo
up.”

“
Oh.
”Ican’
thi
det
hedi
sappoi
ntmenti
nmyv
oice.

Theystayf
ort
hewhol
ehourandtrytokeepmyspiri
tsupbut
ther
eisahugepi
nkel
ephanti
ntheroom butIdon’
twantt
otal
k
aboutI
anwi t
hany onebeforeIt
ell
Tafadzwa.Ihav
edecidedtotel
l
himthetrut
h,whichIshouldhavedonefrom t
hewordgo.Ijust
fel
tabitambushedbesi desIdi
dn’
tknowwhoIcoul dt
rust.Wei
rd
howparanoidI’
vegotten.

Iam onlydi
schargedt woday sl
at erandmay beoneoft he
reasonswhymybl oodpr essuret ooksolongt odroptoan
acceptabl
elevelforthedoct orist hatTafadzwadi dn’
tcomet o
visi
tmewhi l
eIwasi nthehospi tal.Hedidn’ttextorcal
landIwas
j
ustt oopr
oudt otexthimf ir
st.Idi dcheckhi schatthough,hewas
l
astseenonFr idayafternoon.

Idon’ttel
lanyonethatI’
m beingdischarged,IheardNaomi hi
nti
ng
aboutmegoi ngt ostaywiththem forawhile.Ij
ustwantt oget
thetalkwithTafadzwaoutoft heway .I
’m hurtthathedi
dn’t
checkonmewhenIwasi nhospit
al butIfi
gurehe’shurt
ingandit
hurt
smet oknowt hatIcausedthatbutmay beIcanstil
lfi
xit
.

Ifi
ndt heapart
mentempt yandIremembert hatit
’sMondayhe’s
probablyatwork.Aft
ercall
i
ngmybossandl ett
inghim knowthatI
wasi nthehospit
al,
hetell
smet otaketheweekof fandgetbetter
.
Iswitchoffmyphoneaf t
erthecall
.Myar misstil
lsor
ef rom
wher etheneedl
esofthedripswerestuck.Imakeaqui ckmeal,
withoutmuchsaltandtakemymeds.
Theyknockmeof fandwhenIwakeupi t
’sst
arti
ngt ogetdark
andy etI’
m sti
l
l al
oneintheapar t
ment.Iputonthet vandtr
yto
stomacht heafter
noon'slef
tovers.I
t’
sclosetomi dni
ghtwhen
Tafadzwacomesi n.He’snotstumbli
ngorany t
hingbutIcan
smell t
healcoholfrom amileawayf r
om him.Hesmel lsl
ikea
breweryandhi seyesarebloodshot.

Welookateachot
herasifwear
est
ranger
s.Ihat
ethedi
stance
bet
weenusthati
sgrowingbyt
hemi
nute.

“
I’
m sor
ry.
”

Moret
hanhe'
ll
everknowandIknowthatsor
ryi
sn’
tenough.He
l
ooksatmebefor
eresi
ghi
ngandtaki
ngaseatopposi
teme.

“
Why
?Vi
mbai
,Ij
ustneedt
oknowwhy
?”

Iswal
l
owal
umpt
ryi
ngt
ofi
gur
eoutwher
etobegi
n.

“
Idi
dn’
texpecti
t…”

“
Noki
ddi
ng,
thatwaski
ndofl
i
ket
hewhol
epoi
nt.
”
“Stopbeingapr ickandhearmeout .Ihadacr azydayonFri
day
andIwasst i
llt
ryingtofigur
eouthowt olety
ouknowsomet hi
ng
thatcanchangeusandt henyouweretherewithabeauti
fulri
ng
andIpani cked,myf i
rstemotionwasthatIneededtogetoutof
thatplace.Iwassoov er
whelmed.Sti
ll
,Ishoul
dhav espokento
you.I’
m sor r
y.”

“Vimbai IhaveapologisedformypastmistakesandIhav eshown

youconsi stent
lythatIwanttospendtherestofmylif
ewi thyou.I
don’tknowwhatt odoany more.Don’
tyouwantt obewi t
hme?I
feell
ikeI’mt heonlyonefighti
ngfort
hisr
elati
onshi
p.Likeyouare
onef ootinandt heotherout.
”

“
It
’snotaboutmenotwant
ingtobewi
thy
ou.I
t’
sjust
…”Icl
earmy
t
hroatanddeci
det
ocomecl ean.

“Thereisthisman, hisnamei sIan.Imethim beforewewer e

together.Imighthav ecomeont ohim buthewasr udeandaj erk.
Iforgotabouthi m unti
lmybossi ntr
oducedhim asoneoft hetop
cli
entsoft hefir
m.OnFr i
day,Iwassupposedt oshadowhi m and
fi
lli
nf ormyboss.Onl yhehadmadei tcl
earnowt hathe,hewants
me.Icoul dn’tsaynot ogoingwithhim andwet ookadr i
ve…”
“
Andinthedri
ve,
yout
houghthmm whydon’
tIbewit
hIan,
he’
s
waybet
tert
hanmyboyfr
iendwhoi
sjustst
art
ing!
”

Thecont
emptl
aci
nghiswordshasmewhippi
ngupmyf
acef
rom
l
ooki
ngdownonmyfinger
stolookathi
m.

“
What
?No!
!Taf
adzwa,
Iani
sev
ilandhe…”

“St
opsayi
nghisname!”Taf
adzwa’sroarhasmefl
i
nchi
ng,butI
sti
l
ltr
ytotel
lhi
mt hei
mportantpar
tofmydr i
vewi
thI
an.

“Stop,Vimbaij
ustst op!Icanhearhowy ousayhi snamet hatyou
wanthi m.Youar eattract
edt othi
sI anandmay bey ouhave
alwaysbeenat tr
actedt otheseseedyol dmenwhoj ustwantto
usey ou.It
houghtIpushedy out othem butmay betheyarewhat
youwantandy ouareher etryingtoconvincemeandy oursel
fthat
allthi
sisbecauseofsomet hingthisIansaid.Idon’
twantt ohear
anymor eli
es,Vimbai .Goaheadandbewi thhim.Idon’tcare
any more.
”

Whydoeshehavet obesost ubborn?I

sthathowli
tt
lehethinks
ofme?Hewon’tletmef ini
shtel
li
nghim aboutI
an'
sthreat
s.He
get
supabrupt
lyandsay shehast ogetsomef r
eshai
r.Morning
comesandhe’
sst i
llnothome.Myphonepi ngsandIrushtoit
thi
nkingmay bei
t’
satextfr
om Tafadzwaorthemorescar
ytext
sayinghedr ovei
ntoaditchsomewhere.I
t’
sanunsavednumber
withapictureofTafadzwakneel
ingononekneewithther
ingin
hisoutst
retchedhandandmyback.

“
Ihavechangedmymind,
Iwanty
ourdeci
siont
oday
.I’
m sendi
ng
adri
verovert
oyou.
”

Fuck!
!

.
..
..
.

Iknowi
tdoesn'
tmakesensey
etbuti
twi
l
lsoon.

Thankyouf ory
ourpati
ence,
Irecei
vedgreatnewsy est
erdaymy
l
atestbook,Fal
lenCandl
ehasbeenpickedtobeoneoft hei
r
Festi
vereadsanditonl
ygoesforR289attheirst
ores.

Lov
eandLi
ght

Busi
seki
l
eKhumal
o
Sunshi
neandShadows

Thi
rt
y-t
wo( SLSN)

Peaches.IhaveknownPeachesf orlesst
hanamont hbutshe
hasshownmet hi
ngs,donethi
ngst omet hatInev
erthought
exi
sted.WhereTenderowasgent le,
handli
ngmel i
kef r
agi
leglass
andknewmybodyl i
keherown, Peacheshandlesmel i
keI’
ma
pai
dpor nstar
,hasdiscover
edthingsaboutmybodyt hatIdidn’
t
knowexistedandhasmadei tverycleart
hatthisi
sjustsex.

Shehasherhandsgr ippi
ngmybut tocks,pai
nful
lyso,butIdon’t
payanymi ndtothepainbecauseI’
m busygr i
ndingonherf ace.
Hertongue!DearLord,she’
sdoingthingswithhertonguefrom
swir
li
ngittodeeplyplungi
ngitunti
lhertongueri
ngshi t
smynub.

Herlongtonguei
sthef i
rstthi
ngInoti
cedonmyf i
rstdayatWits.
Iwaslostandaskedherf ordi
rect
ionsandshepokedhertongue
outatme.Igotdist
ractedbyitforamoment ,
wonderi
ngwhat
thi
ngsatonguethatlongcando.

Al
otofdi
rt
y,di
rt
ythi
ngs.
Thet houghtfl
irt
sthroughmymindasshecont inuesknocking
againstmynubunt ilmyeyesrol
ltothebackofmyheadi n
pleasure.Shedoesthemostunexpect edthi
ng.Shebi tesme.I
yelpandt ryt
omov eawaybutshehasmyhi psf ir
mlyinplace.She
l
ickst hedeli
catefl
eshthatshej
ustbitint
o,placati
nglyandIfind
my selfswooning.

Whenmysecondor gasm hi
tsmeshelet
smegoandIpl oponthe
bed,feel
i
ngdelici
ousl
yspentyetmybodyisst
il
lbuzzi
ngin
anti
cipat
ionofwhatPeacheswill
dotomenext.Iknowsheisf
ar
fr
om donewi t
hme.

Thebuzzingofmybl oodturnstofull
-blownar ousalwhenIsee
herstr
utti
ngtowardsmewi t
har i
diculouslyhugest rap-
on.Toys
areanothert
hingthatPeacheshasi ntroducedmet o.With
Tenderoitwasalwaysfleshtofl
esh, ourclit
srubbingagai nst
eachother.I
twasper f
ectforusthenbutt her
eisacer t
ainthr
il
li
n
notknowingwhatPeacheswi ll
pulloutf rom hercloset.

Lastweekitwasagl assbeadeddi l
do,yest
erdayi
twasadoubl e
di
ggerpenetrati
ondouble-
endeddi l
do.Peachesisinherlasty
ear,
unl
essshedeci destodoherhonor sdegreenextyearandshe’s
fr
om awell
-to-dofamily
.Shetoldmet hathersist
eristheone
whointr
oducedhert otheworldoftoysandshehasn’ tl
ooked
backsi
nce.Iprefert
het oy
sbecausei tfeel
sli
keI’
m only
betr
ayi
ngTender otoalesserextent.
Ifl
inchabi twhensheput sacoldandgener ousscoopof
l
ubr i
cantonme.Herni mbl ef
ingersworkitovermyfoldsandI ’m
backt otheantici
pati
onandbei ngwi l
dlyt
urnedon.Shehov ers
overmeandasksi fI’
m comf ortabl
ewithherusingthestrapon.
Sheknowst hatI’
m al
soi ntoChatungabutsheal waysasksi fI
’m
comf ort
ablewithanythingbeforeshedoesi ttome.Ifi
ndt hat
thoughtfulandsexyashel l.

Sheeasesi ntomeandt hesil

iconefeel
sforei
gnandi nvasive.
Peachest akesmyni ppleint
oherhotmout handIf i
ndmy self
melti
ng.Shef i
ndsaposi t
ionandrhythm t
hatworksforbot hofus
andIf i
ndmy selfcl
ingingtoher.Hermuchr ounderbreastswi t
h
thei
rlargeandhar dnipplesarerubbi
ngagainstmineandt he
contactiserotic.

“Bendt hatassformebaby ,
”shepressesmybackdownwhi le
parti
ngmyl egsandenter
ingmefrom behind.Thewayshe’
s
holdingontomyhi psi
ssexyashel l
.Withi
nthetwenti
ethst
rokeof
sil
icon,Ifi
ndmy sel
fbreaki
ngapartunderneathher
.

Shet akesoffthestrap-onandsl antsherlegsatananglethathas

herfitt
ingagainstmeper fectl
y.Iwhi mperwhenmyal ready
sensiti
vecli
tori
scomesi ntocontactwi thher
s.Shebucklesand
gyratesherhipswi l
dly,
seekingherr eleasewit
houtanythought
formypoorsensi t
ivecli
p.She’sgr abbingmetight
lyasshe
reachesherownhappyendi ngandI ’mr el
i
evedbecauseIfeela
bi
tsor
efr
om t
hest
rap-
on.

“Arewegrabbi
nglunchbef
oreItakey
out
otheai
rpor
t?”Peaches
asksasshestr
utstothebathr
oom.

Wedon’tcuddl
eaftersexoranyotherti
me,onethi
ngImi
ssmost
aboutTender
o.Int
imacy.Sur
e,toy
sar eadv
entur
ousandt
hesex
i
sexciti
ngbutitl
acksint
imacy.

“
Idon’
tgetwhyyouareevengoi
nghome,
Imeant
hemani
sa
monst
er.Whydon’
tyoutel
lhi
mt ot
akeahi
ke?
”

Shetakesaslurpofherdr i
nkwhilefi
xi
ngherquesti
oninggl
areat
me.ItoldPeachesaboutTender oandhowIcouldn’tbewit
hher
becausemyf at
herwouldnev eracceptt
hatIam i
ntogirl
sand
becausehehasbeenpl anningmineandChatunga’smarri
age
fr
om theti
meIwasl earningtocrawl.

“He'smyfat
her
.Besi
deshishi
ghhandednessatt
imes,
hei
sthe
onlyfami
l
yIhavel
eft
.Ineedhi
m asmuchasheneedsme.”

“
Youar
eabet
terper
sont
hanIam,
Iwoul
dhav
erunaway
.”

Ishrugandfocusonmyr i
bs.Il
i
ket
hesti
ckysweet,ol
dskool
barbecuesaucefr
om Roccomommas.Idon’
tbotherexpl
aini
ng
howimpossibl
eitwoul
dbet orunawayf
rom myf ather
.Thereis
noplaceint
heworldwereIcanruntowi
thoutbeingfound.He
wouldfi
ndmeandIshuddert othi
nkoft
hepunishmentIwoul d
recei
ve.

Peachesl
eavesmeatt heCheck- i
nt er
minalwit
houtsomuchasa
goodbyehug.She’
srushingtosomedopepar tyinMaboneng.I’
ve
beentooneofthosewer etheytal
kpr opagandaandpronounce
Afr
ikawit
haK.Theyal lcompet et
oseewhowi llcomewiththe
mostoutl
andishshadeoflipst
ickfrom orangetonavybl
ueand
bl
ack.

Theytalkofintersect
ional
ity,
whichl
ett
erhasbeenaddedt othe
queerabbreviati
onandsomeoneoccasi onall
yyells“F*ck
Patri
archy!
!”Everyonescreamsanddr i
nkstothat.Oneonce
askedmei fI’m abutchoraf emmeandImadet hemi stakeof
sayi
ngI ’
m bisexual,t
heytreatedmeasifIhaveleprosy.

Goinghomei sadragbutI’
m happythatIwon’tbestuckall
eveningtry
ingtopr
ovejusthowintel
l
ectualIam anddissect
ing
celebri
ti
es'l
iv
esasifIknowthem personal
l
y.

“
Rub-
RubswaSekur
u!”

If
li
ngmy
sel
fint
oUncl
eGumbur
ai'
sar
ms.Imi
ssedhi
mthemost
.
UncleGumbur aii
snotreall
yat exti
ngorphonecal lki
ndofguy .
Hegr unt
edt hroughourlasttwo-minutephonecal ll
astweek.He
asksmehowcol l
egeisandIl ethim knowaboutt hedif
fer
ent
campusesandhowconf usingitallwasatfi
rst.It
ellhi
m about
theparti
es.Heonl ygr
unt shisresponsesbutitfeelsgoodtotalk
tohim non-stop.

Nothi
ngmuchhaschangedathome, t
heservant
sar esti
llas
di
screetasalways.Ifl
i
ngmybagwi t
hmybooksonmybed.
That’
stheonlyluggageIcamewit
h.Igrabmymot her’
spictur
e
fr
om thenightst
andandhugitf
ier
cely
,thent
hrowmy sel
font he
bedwhileIlookatit
.

Itookherbigeyes,wit
htheirlongcur
lylashesandtheround
shapeofherface.Mydi mplesareshall
owcompar edtohers.She
hadthemostglor i
oussmileandmyey estearj
ustthi
nki
ngofher
smileeveryt
imeIcamehomeorwhenshecamet oseemeat
school.Thi
sisthelastpi
ctureItookofherwhilewewer eon
vacati
oninMaur i
ti
us.

NowIcan’
thelpbutnoti
cetheli
nesar
oundhereyesandmout h.I
di
dn’
tseethem whenthepict
urewastaken,
howcouldI?Sheand
myfat
herhidhercancerf
rom meunti
litwastoopr
ogressed.

“
Whydi
dyouhav
etogof
ir
st?Imi
ssy
ou,
mama.
”
Asi
finr
esponse,
myphonepi
ngsat
extmessage.I
t’
sChat
unga.

“
Yohshawt
y,seey
ouatdi
nnert
oni
ght
.”

I
’m disappoint
ed.Ithoughttoni
ghtwasj ustgoingtobemeand
myf ather
.Thathewoul dwantt oknowhowI ’m set
tli
nginbuthe
hadt oinvi
teChatunga.Ifeelt
ir
edjustthinki
ngofdi nner
.Aft
er
Dubai,Chatungawentbackt ohisway sandt hatiswhyIdon’tfeel
gui
ltyabouthav i
ngPeachesont heside.

I
’mt hefir
sttoar ri
veatourdiningroom,al
ldressedupand
l
ookingpr oper.Iknowbet t
erthantolooktar
dyatdinner
.Idon’t
mindt he4pl at
essetont hetable,
attimesUncleGumburaij
oins
us.Idon’tstayaloneforlong,myfatherandChatungacomein
togetherl
aughi ngli
keoldfri
ends.

Myfat
herhugsmeandkissesmeont hecheek.Wei
rd.He’
sina
j
oll
ymoodandnott
oment ionthathehasn’
tki
ssedmycheek
si
ncebef
oremymother
’sburial
.

“
Heybaby
,youlookgor
geous.
”I’
m st
il
lsoshockedIcanonl
y
mur
murmyt hanks.
Chatungaal
sohugsmeandki ssesmechast
elyont heli
ps.He
handsmeasl eekvelvetcaseandsaysiti
smywel comehome
gi
ft.I
t’
sachokerofrubies.Itgli
mmersbeaut
if
ull
y,refl
ecti
ngthe
gl
owoft hechandeli
erli
ght.Myf at
heri
sbeaminginpr i
deas
Chatungahooksitaroundmyneck.

“AhGumbur
ai,
youar
efi
nal
l
yher
e.Thanky
ouf
orbr
ingi
ngmy
guest
.”

I’
m busyadmiri
ngmychokerusingmyphone’sfrontcameraunti
l
Ifeel
Chatungatensi
ngbesideme.Il
ookupf r
om myphoneandI
almostchokeonmysal i
va.Myfat
herseemsoblivi
oustoour
tensi
on,evenhi
sguestseemsjustasfr
eakedout.Sheis
uncomfort
ablewithhi
shandwhichissplay
edjustaboveherass.

“
Mychildr
en,Iwoul
dli
ketoint
roduceyoutosomeonespeci
alt
o
me.Ruby,t
hisi
sVimbaiandshe’
sgoingtobeyournewmother
.”

Isucki
nmybr eat
h,t
ryi
ngt
ofigur
eoutwhethertolaughort
ocr
y.
It
’sher
,it
’st
hebit
chwhoki
ssedChatungaatJini
mbi’scl
ub.

.
..
..
.
Goodmor
ningf
ami
l
y!Whoel
sei
sal
readyi
nthef
est
ivespi
ri
tli
ke
me?

AllIaskforChr
ist
masfrom youisi
fhappent obeatExcl usi
ve
Booksandy ouseeFal
lenCandleundertheChri
stmast reedisplay
pleasesnapapict
ureandsendittome/ t
agme.Pl ease .I
f
youcangr abacopyortwotogifty
ourselfandyourlov
edones
evenbetter.

Lov
eandLi
ght

Busi
seki
l
eKhumal
o
Sunshi
neandShadows

Thi
rt
y-t
hree

Youcancutthetensionwi
thabut t
erknif
e.Itr
ytomov eaway
from I
an’
sgraspbutheputspressureonmyar m unti
lithur
ts.
WhenIstopfidget
ing,hei
mmedi atel
ylet
sgoofmyar m.Ruby,
that
’swhathecall
edhisdaughter,
isoverheri
nit
ialshockand
angerhasfl
aredhernose.

Ireal
izewhyIt houghtI
anlookedl
i
kesomeonef ami
li
ar,shei
shis
feminineversi
on.Justr
ounderandsoft
er.Whi
chbegsthe
question,
justhowol di
sIan?Hedoesn’
tlookadayover40year
s.

“
Youar
enotgoi
ngt
omar
ryt
his…t
his…t
ramp!
”

Wow,priv
ateschool
chi
l
drendon’
tknowhowt oswear,
whost i
ll
usesthewordtr
amp?Shepushesherchai
rbackandstandsup,
cl
earl
yfuming.

“
Ruby
!”
Thewar
ningi
nthewayhecal
l
shermakest
hehai
rsont
heback
ofmyneckst
andup.

“
Sitdown.
”

Eventhequi
etdemandismenaci
ng,shet
il
tsherchi
ndef
iant
lybut
thi
nksdif
fer
ent
lyandsi
tsdownsull
enl
y.

“AsIwassayi
ng,t
hisi
sgoingtobeyournewmot
herandy
ouwi
l
l
showherther
espectshedeser
ves.
”

“
Idon’
twantt
omar
ryhi
m.”

Ifi
nal
lyfi
ndmyv oi
ce.Ionl
ycameheretotryt
onegot i
atewithhi
m
andit
’snotl
i
kehegav emeanychoice.Hesentthatcr
eepyman
wit
hthescartocomeandcollectme.Acruel
taunt.Areminderof
whathepromisedtodoshoul
dInotfoll
owhisinstr
ucti
ons.

“Yet
.Wejustst
art
edseei ngeachot
herandthi
sisthefi
rstt
ime
I
’m menti
oni
ngmar r
iage.That’
swhyyouareshocked,
isn’
tit
,
honey?
”
Thepressur
eagainonmyhand,t
othoseinfr
ontofus,
hehasmy
arm behi
ndhisbacki
nanint
imat
egestur
e.Ifor
cemylipst
opart
andIsmile,
itfeel
smorel
i
keagri
maceandnodmyheadqui ckl
y.

“
Nowl
et’
sal
lhav
edi
nnerandgett
oknoweachot
her
.”

Heopenst hechairf
ormeandIsi tdownwhi l
emumbl i
ngmy
thanks.Thehouseissti
llasexpensi
ve-l
ookingyett hedécori
sas
uglyasthefi
rstti
meIcameher ewit
hNosi andt hatdouchewho
gotherpregnant
.Inti
midati
nginthestarkl
ightoft hechandel
ier
.
Diff
erentwomeni nunif
orm comeinpushingt r
olleys.

Thef oodisuptohot elstandardsbutnooneiseating.Chatunga

hasbeensi l
entsinceIcamei nandbarel
ylooksinmydi rect
ion,
I
sti
l
lhav ehopethatmay behecangetmeoutoft hi
smess.Ruby
i
sat t
ackingthatpoorst eak,herl
owerli
pprotrudi
nginanangr y
pout.Shestil
ll
ooksst unning.

Ipushmyf oodar
oundwithafork,
Idon’twanttobeherebut
whatchoicedoIhave?I
anistheonlyonewhoseemst obe
savouri
nghismeal.Heevencl
oseshiseyes,wheni
thit
stheri
ght
spot.

Wesuf
fert
hroughdesser
tunt
ilheasksf
orust
obeexcused.He
l
eadsmet hrought hef i
rstroom wher eIfoundhi m, t
heonewi tha
barandwegoout sidet othegarden.Theev eningskyi sli
tter
ed
withstar
st winkl
ingpr etti
ly,t
otal
lydisregardingmysombr emood
andmypr edicament .Ishiveri
nvoluntari
lyandI anisqui ckto
drapehisjacketov erme.Ishr ugitof fbutheput sitonmy
shoulder
sagai n,thistimemassagi ngthem andbr inginghislips
cl
oset omyear .

“Idon’tdowel
lwi
thi
nsol
ence.Nowt
ell
mewhathav
eyou
decided?”

Itr
ynottof l
i
nchashepr esseshishandsdownonmyshoul der
s,
hestopsandgoesbackt ogentlykneadingasifIjusti
magined
hi
mr oughlypressi
ngdownonmyshoul der
sjustsecondsago.
Thismanmi ghtbesuffer
ingfr
om bipolar,t
hewayhei s
constant
lyswitchi
ngup.

“
Ineedmor
eti
me,
yousai
dIhav
eaweek.
”

Hest opsmassagingmeandt ellsmet ofoll

owhi m backtot he
bararea.Ifol
lowli
keasheepaboutt obeslaughter
ed.Hegoes
behindthebarandmi xesmeadr i
nkbeforehandingmean
envelope.Il
ookatthedrink,tr
yingtoshieldthesurpri
set hathe
gotmyf avourit
eCosmopol i
tanr i
ght.Il
ookatt heenvelopelikeit
’s
abombaboutt obursti
nmyf ace.
“
Openi
t,
”thecommandi
ssof
tl
yputbutmenacest
il
lunder
li
esi
t.

“YouseeVimbai,Icouldn’
tcarelessifyourli
ttl
est upi
dfri
end
l
osesthenewj obshegoti nBeit
br i
dgebutimagi nehow
devast
atedhermot herwouldbewhenherdaught ergetsarr
est
ed.
Thenyourstupi
ddoct orfr
iendandt hatlawyerwhonowdr i
ves
cabswon’tbeabletopr ov
idefortheirfamil
i
es.”

Het akesanicecubefrom mydrinkandtrai

l
si tonmyjawl
ine,
he’ssoclosethatourbreat
hismi ngl
i
ng.Itr
ytocontrolmy
hammer i
ngheartasIbrowsethr
ought hepi
cturest
hatwerein
theenv el
ope.

“Icoul
dn’tcarelessaboutthatratthatyouclaimt olov
ebutIbet
hiscarcandowi t
hal i
tt
lerevamping.Brakesfailpeopl
eal l
the
ti
meandt hecarwilldi
sint
egrateintoashesfrom thecoll
isi
onand
ti
nyuntraceablebombt hatiscurrentl
yinhislef
twheel .
”

Iam str
uggl
i
ngt obreat
heandhemakesmegul
pdownthedr
ink.
Headdedalitt
letoomuchvodkaandi
tbur
nsmythr
oat
,makes
myey eswat
er.

“Thi
sdoesnothavetobesohard,Icanfeelt
hechemist
ry
betweenus.Thewayyourhear
tbeatsfast
erwhenI’
m neary
ou.
Youhaveanot
herdaybutdon’
tthi
nkcomingcl
eant
othatboyt
oy
ofyour
sli
keyoutr
iedt
olastni
ghtwil
lhel
p.”

Myeyesfi
ndhi
sandhi
sar
etr
iumphantwhi
l
eIcan’
thi
det
hef
ear
andconf
usi
oni
nmine.

“
Iseeandhearev
ery
thi
ng,
don’
tfor
gett
hat
.”

Thosear ehispar
ti
ngwordsandI’mlef
twi t
himagesfrom the
nightthatNosial
mostdi
ed,imagesofArchiewi
thhiswifewhen
hispracti
ceopenedandLiber
tyonthedayhegotswor nin.The
oneofTaf adzwainhi
scarseemsrecent.Someoneclear
st hei
r
throatandIsaginrel
i
efwhenInoticet
hatit’
sChatunga.

“
YouandIan?”Heasksasawayofgr
eet
ingandIdebat
ehow
muchIshoul
dtel
lhi
m.

“
Canwegoout
side?
”

MaybeI
anistappi
ngthi
sareaandhecanheareveryt
hingIsay.
Wegettot
hebenchnexttothefount
ainandIt
ellhi
m ever
ythi
ng,
f
rom meet
ingIanatt
hepart
ytothedayofthedri
ve.
“Hedidn’
tevenhavet
osaymuchduringthatdr
ive,
hejustsaidhe
beli
evesthatmeandGumburai
areacquaint
ed.Onelookatthat
scarandIknewhewaspartofthemenwhoambushed
Tafadzwa.”

Ifel
tsickt
omyst
omachwhenIfir
stsawhim behindthewheel
,
showingmehi
sscar
.That
’swhenmymi gr
ainestart
ed.

“Todayhej usthandedmesomedirtthatheduguponmeandmy
fri
ends.Ithinkhehasmyapartmentbugged.Pl
easehel
pme,I
knowi t
’sunf ai
rtoaskt
hisofy
oubuty ouhavet
heresour
cest
o
fi
ghthim.”

Hehasbeenl
i
steni
ngat
tent
ivel
yal
lthi
st i
meandnowpi t
yis
r
efl
ect
edinhi
seyesaswell
asthecrescent-
shapedmoon.

“I
’m sorr
yVimbai
,Ican’thel
py ou.I
’
m notsur
eanyonecan.Do
youknowwhoI anis?”Ishakemyheadcausingthetear
sof
despairt
hatIhav
ebeenhol dingintot
umbledownmycheeks.

“I
anhasdirtoneveryonefrom ababyborntodaytothePope.He
tr
adesinint
ell
i
genceanddoy ouknowhowpower ful
thatmakes
hi
m?Heef f
ect
ivelyl
eadsthiscountr
ywit
hnoonebei ngthewi
ser
becausehe’sl
ikeashadow.Ar uthl
essshadowt hatyoudonot
wantthebeonhi sbadside.”
Hecat
cheshi
msel
fbef
orehesay
stoomuch.

“Ican’
ttel
lyouanythi
ngmorebutwhat
evert
hreat
she’smaki
ng,
don’tt
akethem l
ightl
y.Themanhasnohear
torconsci
ence.
”

Heal
sopartswi
thme, l
eav
ingmeevenmorebewil
der
edt
hanI
wasbef
ore.Whathav
eIgottenmy
selfi
nvol
vedi
t?

.
..
..
..
.

Mor
ningf
ami
l
y,any
oneupf
orabonuschal
l
enge?

Lov
eandLi
ght

Busi
seki
l
eKhumal
o
Sunshi
neandShadows

Thi
rt
y-f
our

Igobacki nsideandtrytotracemyfootst
eps.If
indIanstandi
ng
i
nf r
ontofal argeport
raitofabeauti
fulwoman.Scratcht
hat,she
i
sgor geous,withthi
sglowr adi
ati
ngfrom i
nsi
deherthatmakes
herlooksurreal.

“
Shekepti
nsist
ingthatIshoul
dfindsomeoneevenbef
oreshe
l
eft
.Shetr
iedsett
ingmeupwi thdif
fer
entcandi
dat
esthatshef
elt
woul
dbegoodf ormeandRuby .”

Heisn’tevenl
ooki
ngatme,he’
sjustonl
ylooki
ngatthepict
ure
andIcan’tseehi
sfacet
oreadit
.Hisvoi
ceislevel
,dev
oidofany
emotion.

“Ir
efused.Itol
dheraf
terherIwoul
dn’
twantanyone.Iwoul dhave
sex,ofcourse,
I’
m aman,notahermit
.Idi
dn’twanthertoleave
us,shewasmywhol ewor l
dandsheunderst
oodRuby ,Ikeep
fai
li
ngev enmoresonowt hatshei
sn’
ther
e.”

Ist
andusel
essl
ybehi
ndhi
m notknowi
ngwhet
hert
oint
erj
ectori
f
Ishoul
dev
enbehear
ingt
hisori
t’
sasol
i
loquy
.

“Theny oucameal ong,onthedayoft hatblastedpartywhenmy

fri
endswer etryi
ngt ocheermeupbyget t
ingmedr unkandsome
easygirls.Everyt i
meIsawt hosegir
ls,itf
eltli
keIwasl ookingat
Rubyandi trepulsedme.Iwasannoy edaty ouf ordisturbi
ngme
drowningmysor rowsinalcohol,t
hathighpi t
chedv oicey ouused
gratedmyner ves, don’
teveruseitagain.”

Ther andom switchoff

-t
opi
cthrowsmeof fandy etIstil
lret
ort
thathecan’ tt
ellmewhattodointhesamehi ghpitchedv oi
ce.He
doesn’tturnorreact
.Heconti
nueslooki
ngatt heportrai
tandhe
trai
l
saf ingeronherface.

“Thenwheny ousnapped,ther
ewast hisfi
reiny ou,
ahungerf or
l
ifet hatremindedmeofherwhenwef ir
stmet .Icouldn’
thelp
thi
nki ngthatifIhadn’tt
akensomeoft hatfir
eawayf r om her,
woul dshehav efoughthar
der?Isattherethi
nkingofy ou,long
aftery oualmostchokedonmywhi skey.Trackingyoudownwas
child’splaybutIdidn’tf
orawhile,
itf
eltli
keIwasbet ray
ingher.”

Iwonderi
fheknewofmynightwit
hChatungaandi
fhedi
dwhy
wouldhecont
inuehi
spur
suitofme.It
rytobar
gai
nmysel
foutof
thi
smessbyusinghi
swords.
“Youtookthefi
refr
om y
ourwif
ethatyouregr
etandyetyouare
doingthesametome.Iendedupinthehospi
tal
becauseofyou
andy ourul
ti
matum.”

Iseehimfli
nchormay
beIi
maginei
tbecausehedoesn’
tchange
hisposi
ti
onortur
ntol
ookatme.

“
Woul
dyoul
eav
ethatboyandbemi
nei
fIaskni
cel
y?”

“
No,
Iwoul
dn’
tbut
…”

“
ThenIdon’
thav
eachoi
cenow,
doI
?”

Imutt
erhowr i
chthati
scomingfr
om hi
m andheturnstol
ookat
me,corki
nghiseyebr
ow.Somethi
ngi
sinti
midat
ingaboutI
an,
eventhoughIt
hinkhe’
samusedbyme.

“
LetmegetGumbur
ait
odr
ivey
ouback.
”

Myhandshoot
soutandgr
aspsathi
sar
mti
ght
ly.
“Pl
ease,don’
tsubj
ectmet
othatmanagai
n.Icancal
lacabIwi
l
l
befi
ne.”

Helooksatmyhandonhi sarm andIqui

cklyl
etgoofhim.Then
hestudiesmyface,si
mi l
art
othewayhewasst udy
inghiswif
e’s
port
rai
t.Hisper
usalisnothurr
iedandli
ngersonmyey es.Il
ook
backathim def
iant
ly,t
ryi
nghardnottobli
nk.

“
Let
’sgo,
I’
ll
dri
vey
ou.
”

Ifol
lowbehi nd,wonderingwhatiswor se,beingdr i
venbyIanor
thatcr
eepyguywi ththatbloodyscaronhi sface.Heopenst he
cardoorf ormeandIgeti n,Iwoul
dhav epr eferr
edsitt
ingatthe
backinsteadofi nfront
.AssoonasIset t
lei nthefront
,Ianl
eans
overtofi
xmybel t.Hisscentissti
llt
hemosti ntoxi
cati
ngthatI’
ve
everencount er
ed.

Wedr i
veoutoft hegatei nsil
encewhileheisgoingthroughhis
pl
ayli
st.Ol
i
v erMt ukudzi,
Icant el
lfr
om thesult
rystr
ings.“Kunze
kwadoka”Iside-eyehimf orhischoiceofsongandf orthefi
rst
ti
meIseeI ansmi rk.Hissmi r
kisalsoahalf-
gri
nbecauseonl yhis
l
eftsi
deofhi sfacialmusclesmov e,dimpli
nghischeek.He
drumshisfingerstothest eeri
ngwheel,pl
easedwithhimself.
Theupbeatgui
tarthatfol
l
owsnextt
hrowsmeof
fbecauseI
’
m not
sur
ewhot hear
tistis.

“
Iknewyouwouldn’
tknowt
hisone,
”Ii
gnor
ehi
stauntandl
i
sten
t
othefi
rstv
erse.

“Leonar
dDembo!
”Ican’
thi
det
hepr
idei
nmyv
oicewhenIf
igur
e
outwhoheis.

Ianlaughsandt el
l
smet hatitwasal uckyguess.Heseems
carefr
eeandt hatmakeshiml ookeveny oungerandwelcoming.I
don’texpecthimtostar
tsingingal
ongbuthedoesmi d-
v er
se.

“Paur
ipanedandemutandepanet
sot
sor
inobay
azv
andi
sina
shangundokut
orasei
ko?

Ndashayamaiti
ro,
ndashayamadhonzer
o,ndashay
a
chandi
ngakupekutindi
venewe”

Hi
svoiceisdeep,
abitoff
-keyandIt
hinkthi
sishi
sol
dschool
wayofwooingme.Hisonehandisimitat
ingpl
ayi
ngagui
tarwhi
l
e
t
heotheroneisst
il
ldri
vi
ng.
“
Ohooohndor
iwanepi
kosi
mbakut
iav
ewangu?

Ohooohndor
iwanepi
kosi
mbamwanauy
andi
nomuda?
”

Thedri
vegoesbyqui
ckl
yandhekeepsonchoosi
ngoldsongs
andtheonethi
ngt
heyhavei
ncommoni st
hatinal
lofthem hei
s
wooi
ngme.

“Howoldar
eyou?”Iaskaf
terPaul
Mat
avi
re'
s‘Tangawandi
da'
songcomestoanend.

“
Oldenought
obey
ourman.
”

Ir
ollmyeyescausi
nghimtochuckl
e.Seei
nghi
m sof
ree,
thi
s
mightbemyonlychancet
ostr
ike.

“
Iany
ouarer
ich,
haveokl
ooksandobv
iousl
ycangetanywoman
y
ouwant
,whyareyoubl
ackmai
li
ngmetobey our
s?”

“
Lookatme,
”Idoasi
nst
ruct
edandhe’
sal
sot
akenhi
sey
esof
f
t
heroad.

“
Takeyourti
me,
don’
trush.Wheny
ouar
edonet
ell
mei
fIhav
e
“
oklooks”
.”
Hedoesanannoyi
ngimit
ati
onofmyv
oiceandIhuf
fbef
ore
st
art
ingoutoft
hewindow.

Therestofthewayonlymusicf
il
lst
hecarandhekeepsl ooking
atmeandIpr etendnott
onoti
ce.Hepar
ksoutsideourapartment
bui
ldi
ngandwhenIt r
ytoopent
hedoor,
iti
slocked.It
urntolook
athiminfrust
rati
on.

“Rememberyouhaveuntil
tomorrow,
Idon’tcar
ehowy oubreak
thi
ngsoffwi
ththatboybutforhi
ssaf
ety,thel
essheknowst he
saferhewi
ll
be.Thatgoesforhismotheraswell
.It
’sal
li
nyour
hands.”

Heisbacktobei
ngcoldandemot ionless,t
hereisnosignoft he
manwhowassi ngi
ngalongtoclassics.Inod.If
eeldrainedby
t
hiswholethi
ngandbackedintoacor ner.Att
hispoint
,I’mjust
t
ryi
ngt ohol
dontotheli
tt
lesanit
yIhav eandnott ospir
al i
nto
t
hatblackhol
e.Heopensthedoorf ormeandIl eavewithouta
word.

IdreadseeingTafadzwaandIdragmyf eetasmuchasIcanunt
il
Ihavereachedourapart
ment.Iletmyselfi
nanddropmykeyson
thekeybasinjustcl
osetothedoor.If
indTafadzwai
nthe
bedroom,si
tt
ingwithhisbackt
owardsmeandIbadlywantt
o
curl
upt ohi
m butthingsbet
weenusaret
ooshaky,
soIsitonthe
bednexttohiminstead.

“
Youwentt
ohi
m.”

Heisst
ari
ngint
ospace,notl
ookingatmeandIwonderhow
muchtotel
lhi
m wit
houtputt
inghisl
if
eatr
isk.Att
hesameti
me,
I
don’
twantt
ohurthi
m anymor e.

“Idi
dbuty
ouhavet obeli
evemewhenIt el
lyouthatIhav
eno
choi
ceint
hemat t
erTafadzwa,
Ihavetr
iedfight
ingthi
sbutIdon’
t
seeanywayoutandyouwon’tevenl
ist
ent ome.”

HeturnsandlooksatmeandonlythendoIseet
hathe’
sbeen
cr
yingandthatbreaksmyhear
tevenfur
ther
.

“Idon’
twanttoheari
tVimbai
,nottoni
ght.Toni
ghtIwanttomake
sweetlov
etot heper
sonwhoownsmyhear tandfor
getaboutt
he
pastfewdays.CanIhavet
hatatleast
?”

HowcanIdenyhim whenall
Iwantistobeinhisar
mst oo?Our
l
ovemaki
ngtodayi
sdiffer
ent,
int
enseandchargedwit
hpain,
regr
et,
hat r
edandyetatender
nessthatbri
ngsmetotears.Icl
i
ng
ontohim andheistouchi
ngeverypartofmybodyasifheis
memor i
singhowitfeel
s.

WhenIwakeupTafadzwaisn’
tnextt
ome.Ther
eisaf ol
ded
paperwi
thmycarkeysontopandInoti
cemysui
tcasesbythe
door.Wi
thshaki
nghandsIopenthel
ett
er.

“
Vimbai

IknowIsaidwewi l
ltal
kinthemor ni
ngbutIcouldalr
eadyfeel
thaty
ouwer esayi
nggoodby elastni
ghtandIcouldn’
tgothrough
thepainofhear
ingyouactuall
ysaythewords.

Ihopehei
swhatyouarel
ooki
ngf
or.Il
ovey
oubutIcan’
tkeep
hurt
ingmy
sel
fli
kethi
s.

Takecar
e.

Lov
e

Taf
adzwa.
”
Sunshi
neandShadows

Thi
rt
y-f
ive

Ilookar oundtheapar
tmentt hathadgrownintoahomef ort
he
pastcoupl eofmonths,makingsur et
hatIdidn’
tleaveanythi
ng
outofpl acebefor
eclosi
ngt hedoorbehindme.Il agmyt wo
suitcasesbehindmeandl uckil
ytheli
ftopensformej ustasI
reachi t
.

There’sanelder
lywomanf rom upstair
sinsidetheli
ftandIsmile
ather,thankf
ult
hatmysungl asses,thatalmostcoverhalfofmy
face,don’tal
l
owany onet
oseet het
ear sinmyey es.Iunderst
and
thatTafadzwaishurti
ngbutIcan’thelpbutt hi
nkabouthowhe
hasmadeal l
thi
sabouthim andnotoncehashet houghttohear
meoutort hi
nkaboutwhetherI’
m hur t
ingornot.

Iwashospit
alisedforcryi
ngoutloudandhedi dn’
tevenshowup
att
hehospital.Thatstungandsti
lldoeseventhoughIhi
ditwell
andtri
edtoexcusehi m becausehewashur ti
ng.Thi
sguywanted
tomarrymej ustaweekagoandIcannothel pbutwonderhow
heplannedt
omar rysomeonehedoesn’ tknow.

Al
loft
hisi
sugl
yIan'
sfaul
t!Het
houghthewant
edt
orei
ncar
nat
e
hi
sdeadwi f
eandwhynotdestroyVimbai’sfut
ureint heprocess.
Menarethemostself
ish,
themostconcei t
ed,arr
ogant ,
obnoxi
ousbeingsont
hiseart
h.FuckIan.FuckTaf adzwa.Fuckall
men.I’
m done.All
oft
hem cangothrowt hemselvesintothe
near
estpitl
atr
ine.

Ibangmybootmor ethanIshoul dandt hesoundonl ymakesmy

headpoundevenmor e.Iwon’tal
lowI antot oyaroundwi t
hme
anymorebutIj
ustneedapl acetostayandr egr
oupf ornow.I’
l
l
bookint
oMeikleshot
el,it
’snotthatfarfrom here.Ijustneedt
o
regr
oupandcomeupwi thasolidgamepl an.

You’
vegott
obeki
ddi
ngme!
!Whati
nthehel
l
?

JustasIpark,
IseeIan'
shenchmanpar kingjustasmalldist
ance
behindme.Am Ibei
ngf ol
l
owednow?Angerpr opel
smet ohiscar
andIknockonhiswindow.Sur pri
sef l
ashesbriefl
yonhi
sf ace
beforei
tgoesbacktoit
sdef aultpokersett
ings.Helowersthe
windowandIdon’tevengreethim, Idemandt hathecal
lIan
i
mmedi atel
y.

Hel ooksatmedubi ouslythenfrom thetipofmyshoest omy

headi namocki ngmanner .Oh,hethinksI’m pl
aying?Iwil
lshow
him somethingthathewi l
lneverforget.Iopenhisdoor,
fort
unatel
y,i
t ’
snotlocked,Istar
tpulli
ngathi m andscreaming
thatpeopleshouldhelpmet hi
sbigscar ymanwant st
oabduct
me.
Af
terhi
sinit
ialshock,het
ri
estocl
osemymouth.Theworst
mi
stake,Ist
ruggle,bi
tehi
shandandscr
eam ev
enmoreloudl
y.

Thesecurit
ystar
tapproachingandpeoplehav est
oppedthei
r
businessandsomehav etakentheirphonesout.Whenhesees
thekindofatt
ent
ionthatI’
m att
ractinghepushesmeawayf r
om
him andbangshiscardooranddr i
vesaway .

Theguardsreachmeandaski fI
’m ok.Thetraumaoft hepast
fewdayscausesmet obur sti
ntorealtear
sandt heytakeme
i
nsidewhil
eI ’
m st
il
lbal
li
ngmyey esout.Ifi
nall
ycalm downand
I
’m off
eredacompl i
mentaryroom forallmytraumainoneof
thei
rbestroomsforthenight.

Theroom hasadatedst
yletoit,
iti
selegantandregal.Fr
om t
he
hugefl
uff
ybedthatIsi
nkintothemoment ,I’
minside,tot
he
uphol
ster
yandoakwoodf urni
tureandtheretr
olamps.Myphone
ri
ngi
ngbreaksmyadmi r
ati
onoft heeart
hyhuesoft hedécor
.

“
Gumbur
aisai
dyouwant
edawor
dwi
thme.
”

Hi
sdeepvoi
ceiscal
m andneut
ral
maki
ngmeev enangr
ier
.My
l
if
ehasbeentur
nedupsi
dedownandheiscal
m.

“
Iwantt
ohav
emor
ethanawor
dwi
thy
ou!St
opsendi
ngy
our
ski
vvyt
ofol
l
owme.St
opr
uini
ngmyl
i
feandl
eav
emeal
one!
”

I
’m nowsi
tti
ngbuttdownonthef
loorandt
heshout
inghas
hel
pedabitwit
hthetight
eni
ngar
oundmychest.

“
Ist
hatal
l
,chi
teket
e?(
ter
m ofendear
ment
)”

Hi
scont
inuedcal
m andendear
mentt
hrowmeof
fabi
tbutIf
ocus
onmyanger.

“Iwantsometi
metomy
sel
f,undi
stur
bed.Idon’
tcar
eabouty
our
stupi
dulti
mat
um.”

Ther
eisabr
iefst
ati
csi
l
encef
il
ledbymost
lymyheav
ybr
eat
hing.

“Fi
neIwillgi
veyouthespacey ouneedbutonl
yfort
wodaysand
aft
erthatI’
m sendi
ngmyot herdri
ver
,notGumburai
tocomeand
getyou.”

“
Fiv
eday
sandIdr
ivemy
sel
ftoy
ourpl
ace.
”

“Threeday
sandthedr
iveri
snon-
negoti
abl
e.That
’smyf
inal
off
er
otherwi
seI’
m comi
ngtogetyour
ightnow.
”
“
Youdon’
townmeIanandIam notscar
edofy
ou,
”Isaywi
th
mor
ebravadot
hanIf
eel
.

“Idon’twanty
out obescar
edofme, chi
teket
e.Idon’townyouyet
,
butIpr omi
seyouthedaythatIdogettohavemywaywi t
hthat
smar tmouthofyoursandever
yinchofyourbody,youwil
lcede
owner shi
pofyourbodytomewi l
li
ngl
y.”

Hisvoi
cehasdeepenedandmyhear trat
ehasquickenedandI
cl
earmythroatt
otrytoridmysel
fofthedir
tyt
houghtsthat
besi
egeme.IloveTafadzwadammit.

“
Bye,
Ian.
”

“
Thr
eeday
s,chi
teket
echangu.
”(changumeansmi
ne/
my)

Iendthecall
andstar
eatmyphone.Igot omyWhatsApp.Ican’
t
seeTafadzwa’spr
ofi
l
epictureorhi
slastseen.Hebl
ockedme, i
t
hurt
seventhoughIkindofexpect
edit.It
rytocal
lhi
m andmy
numberisbarredf
rom makingcal
lstohim.

It
rycal
l
ingBar
bieandhernumbergoesst
rai
ghtt
ovoi
cemai
l
.
Unti
lIrememberthatshewentawayonv acat
ionwithher
husband.Wasityest
erdayorthedaybef
oreyester
day?Herl
ast
seenshowsthatshehasn’tbeenonl
inef
ortwoday snow.

Ithr
owmyphoneont hebedandpicki
tupsecondslat
erwhenit
star
tsr
ingi
ng.Di
sappoi
ntmentcr
ushesmewhenIv i
ewt hecal
l
er
ID.

“
Vimbaiwhat’
shappening?WhydidValent
ineunfol
lowyouon
I
nst
agram andhedelet
edallpi
ctur
esthatfeat
ureyou?”

Nosihledoesn’
tev
engr eatandherquest
ionsmakemyhear
t
heaviert
hanitwasjustami nut
eago.Iguessi
tsof
fi
cial
,
TafadzwaandIarethrough.Ithur
tssodamnmuch.

“
Idon’
twanttogeti
ntoitr
ightnowbutyeah,
iti
swhati
tis.
”My
v
oicesoundsasdef
eatedasmywor ds.

“Di
dy oucheat?He’
sbeensendi
ngoutcr
ypt
icTweet
sthatki
ndof
suggestt
hat.”

“
Nosi
hle,
leti
trest
.”

Shei
gnor
est
hewar
ningi
nmyv
oiceandshei
sst
il
ltr
yingt
oput
t
ogethert
hepuzzlet
hatisourbr
eak-up.Iknowshecaresabout
meandallbutIcan’
thel
pbeingalit
tl
ebitter
,she’
spar
tofthe
r
easonwhyIanisholdi
ngmehost age.

BeforeIsnapandsayt hi
ngsthatIcan’tt
akeback,Ihangupwhil
e
she’saskingwhatwentwr ongbecausewewer esohappy.Sheis
ri
ght,wewer ehappy ,t
oohappy.Ican’thel
pbutlookatmy
wallpaper.Wewer einaphotoboothatoneweddi ngwewentt o
recentl
y.Hiscousin'
swedding.Inonewear ecuddleduptoget
her
andi nanother
,I’
ml aughi
ng,myheadwast hr
ownbackandhi s
faceburiedinmyneck.

Icanfeelt
hedar kholewideni
ngsoIt rytoshutdownallthoughts
ofmyshort-l
iv
edhappi nesswit
hTaf adzwa.Ineedagamepl an
andformet obeatIanathisgame, Ihavetoatleastknowwhat
I’
m upagainst
.Ireal
izethatIdon’
tknowhi slastname.Isearch
Chatunga'
sgirl
fr
iendandawhol elotofsitesandnewsar t
icl
es
popup.

RubyChikor
e.Bingo!Ity
pei nIanChikor
einmysear chbarand
notasmanynewsabouthi m.Thereisonearti
cleabouthi sl
ate
wif
e.Theonlyothernewsonhi mishisbusi
ness.Ahight ech
companythatpurchasedhalfofNet-onewhenitwasgoi ngbroke.
Therei
sonearti
cleabouthi m wit
hsomeRussi ansandChi nese.
Nothi
ngisli
nki
nghi mtot hegovernmentorpoli
ti
calincl
i
nat i
on.
HisLinkedI
npr ofi
lesaysheisawebdevel
oper ,
hiscompany
offer
se-commer ceplat
forms,mobi
l
eappli
cationsandcustom
softwarei
nstal
lati
on.Healsohasaconsul
tancyonsome
technol
ogyissues.

Igotohisimagesandalmostallofthem wer
etakenatsomegal
a
eventoropeni
ngofsomething.Helooksgoodinsuit
s,t
herei
sno
pi
ctureofhim noti
nasuit
.Wait,t
hereisoneofhimingolf
apparel
,hi
sarmsl ookl
i
kehewor ksout.

Myphonepi
ngs,
Ihav
eonenewmessage.

“
Leav
esomeofy
ourcur
iosi
tyf
orourpi
l
lowt
alk,
chi
teket
e.”

Idropmyphoneasifi
tbur
ns.DoesheknowwhatIsear
chf
or
evenont
heinter
net
?Whot hehel
li
sthi
sman?

.
..
..
.

Morni
ngf amilybef
orey ousayit
'stooshor
t,Idi
dthebestIcould
t
otryandf i
nishthi
sinsertaft
erIrecei
vedsomedevastati
ngnews.
Oneofthemostamazi ngauthor
sandsomeonewhohadbecome
asi
stertome, wesharedasur nameandournameswer esimi
lar,
haslef
tusandherdeathhi
tshar
d.Tal
ki
ngaboutheri
nthepast
tensei
sagonisi
ng.I
'
m notokandI'
mtryi
ngt
ocomet oter
mswith
herpassi
ng.

I
fImadeanymi
stakesont
hel
astf
ewpar
agr
aphspl
easef
orgi
ve
me.

Lov
eandLi
ght

Busi
seki
l
eKhumal
o
Sunshi
neandShadows

Thi
rt
y-si
x

Cue“
Someoney
ouLov
ed”Lewi
sCapal
di

“
I'
m goi
ngunderandt
hist
imeIf
eart
her
e'snoonet
osav
eme

Thi
sal
lornot
hingr
eal
l
ygotawayofdr
ivi
ngmecr
azy

Ineedsomebodyt
oheal

Somebodyt
oknow

Somebodyt
ohav
e

Somebodyt
ohol
d

I
t'
seasyt
osay

Buti
t'
snev
ert
hesame

IguessIki
ndal
i
kedt
hewayy
ounumbedal
lthepai
n

Nowt
hedaybl
eeds

I
ntoni
ght
fal
l

Andy
ou'
renother
e

Togetmet
hroughi
tal
l
Il
etmyguar
ddown

Andt
heny
oupul
l
edt
her
ug

Iwasget
ti
ngki
ndausedt
obei
ngsomeoney
oul
oved”

Whenmymot herdied,noonetoldmeatfir
stbutIknew.Iknew
fr
om t hemomentmyf athercamebackwi t
hhisshoulder
s
saggingandbl oodshoteyes,hewoul
dn’tl
ookmei ntheeyes
whenIaskedhi m howMamawasf ai
ringonthatday.Myheart
sankandIl ockedmy selfi
nmyr oom andIcri
edforhoursand
hours,Ijustcri
eduntil
Iwast ooweaktocryandmybody
succumbedt oexhausti
on.

Iwaswokenupbysomecommot ion,mymot her’

sfamilywanting
totakeallthestuffsheboughti nthehouseandme.Iwasl aterto
l
ear nt
hatt heonlythingthatstoppedthem wasmyf at
her
agreei
ngt otakeherl i
ttl
esisterashiswif
e.Tete(aunt)Tsit
sitold
met hi
si noneoft hef ewt i
mesIwasal l
owedt ogoandv i
sitmy
father
’ssideofthef amily.Thepointi
sthatonet i
meIf r
eelycri
ed
formymot herwhenIwasl ockedupandal oneinmyr oom, hel
d
met hroughtheabuseIf acedbeforeandafterherburi
al.

Ididthesameatt heMei kl
eshotel.Ilockedmysel
finthi
shotel
room andIcri
edmy sel
ftosleepov ermydeadr el
ati
onshi
p.I
spentthefi
rsttwoday scryi
ngandt hethi
rddayIwokeupandput
onmybi ggirlpant
ies.Ispentthedayont her
oofswimmingpool,
j
ustl
oungi
ngar
oundandst
eel
i
ngmyhear
t.

Tafadzwawast hefi
rstpersonIletint
ot hefort
ressthatIbuil
t
aroundmyhear t
.Ihadnochoi ce,hebulldozedhiswayi nt
omy
l
ife,somehowgotmet obev ul
nerabletohim.Ev enwhenhe
messedupandwewer eapart,hewouldcheckonmeconst antl
y.
Iwoul dbeannoyedbutitf
eltgoodt ohav esomeonecar eforme
l
iket hat
.

Idi
dtheonet hi
ngIhadpr omisedmyselft
onev
erdo, Ir
eli
edon
hi
m andhebecamet heonepersonIopenedmyselfuptoabout
anyt
hingandeveryt
hing.Nowhe’sgoneandIdon’tknowhowt o
cope,Ifeel
asaloneasIfeltf
rom t
hetimemyauntsatmedown
andtoldmemymot herwasdead.

Iwakeupdr eadingValent
ine’sDay ,havi
ngtobeatwor kand
faci
ngeveryoneagain.Idon’tdwel lonthefactthattodayis
Tafadzwa'sbi
rthday.Oronall t
hepl ansIhadfort hi
sday ,I
’
ve
cri
edandnowIj usthavet
ogett hroughtoday.Ichooset hebl
ack
pantsui
tthati
soneofmyf av ouri
tesandaddar edchiffonscar
f
tocomplimentmyshoesandhandbag.Thatgi vesmet he
confi
dencetogot omycaranddr i
v etowork.

Ihaven’
theardfrom I
ansincethatcreepyt
extandI
’mrel
i
eved.I
noti
cethatther
ei sacart
hatistail
i
ngme, it
’ssi
mil
art
otheone
Iansentt
ome.Iswearundermybr
eat
handdi
alt
henumbert
hat
sentmethatt
ext
.

“Bef
oreyoubl
owup,
it’
snotGumbur
ai.Igoty
ouanot
herdr
ivert
o
prot
ecty
ou.”

That
’st
hef
ir
stt
hinghesay
s,nogr
eet
ing,
not
hing.

“Thatst
il
ldoesn’
tmakei
tok,
Ian!Am Iy
ourpr
isonernow?Was
blackmai
li
ngmenotenoughforyou?
”

Imeantosoundangr
yandaggr
essi
vebutmyv
oicecomesout
ti
redanddr
ained.

“I
t’
sfory
ourprotecti
on,chi
teket
e,Iknowy oudon’
twanttobe
dri
venar
oundbuti twil
lmakemef eelbett
erknowingthat
someoneiswatchingoveryou.Ihaveenemiesthatcoul
dtar
get
you.
”

“
Whatenemi
es?
”

“
We’
l
ltal
kint
heev
eni
ng,
lookIhav
etogoIam i
nameet
ing.
”
Theli
negoesdeadandIcanal r
eadyfeel anothermigraine
coming.Ir
ubmyhandov ermyt hr
obbingf oreheadjustbefor
e
dri
vi
ngintoourpar
kinglot.Ismil
eatBabaGumboathi spostby
thedoorandhetel
lsmet hathehasn’thadadecentl unch
becauseIwasn’
tcomingt owork.Shoot ,
Ididn’tarr
angea
l
unchbox!Myheadisjustallovertheplace.

“
Whatarey oudoi
nghere?It
houghtwewoul
dseeyouon
Monday.”Bossmanexcl
aimsassoonasheseesme.Ismi
l
e
f
aint
lyathim.

“Pat
rici
aonlybookedmeof
funt
ilt
odayandI
’
mfeel
i
ngmuch
bett
ercounsel.
”

HegoesoffaboutHRandinsi
stst
hatIheadbackhomebutI
pl
eadwit
hhimt oletmest
ay.Hedoessogrudgingl
y.

“
Iwoul
dhav
egonestrai
ghthome,don’ty
ouhaveplanswi
thy
our
y
oungman?”asksMhai
(Mam')Natal
ie,t
heboss'
PA.

Igiveheranoncommi ttalr
esponseandfleet
omyof fi
ce.There
arealotoffi
lesthatIhavetogot hr
oughandIthankf
ull
yimmer se
my sel
fincontr
acts.Ibarel
ybli
nkedandpeoplearepoki
ngt hei
r
headsintomyof fi
cetosaygoodby eastheyheadoutearl
y.It’
sa
Fr
idayandValenti
ne’
sDay,peopl
ehav
epl
ans.Igobackt
omy
work,Idon’
thaveanypl
ans.

Aknockbreaksi
ntomyt hought
sandIr
eali
zethatit
’sget
ti
ngdar
k.
Iswit
chontheli
ghtsandthenopent
hedoortofindIanst
andi
ng
outsi
demydoorwithabouquetofpi
nkroses.

“
It
’sal
i
ttl
etool
atet
ost
artwooi
ngmenow,
don’
tyout
hink?
”

Hesmil
esatmebutIl
ookathi
m bl
ankl
yunt
ilhi
ssmi
l
ewai
ver
s
andhesi
ghs.

“MayIcomein?”Icor
kaney
ebr
owathi
m butst
il
lal
l
owhi
mto
passt
hrough.

“
I’
m ali
tt
lerustyinthi
scourt
ingbusi
ness.
”Hepausesandi t’
sthe
f
ir
stti
met hatI’
m seei
nghim unsur
eofhimsel
f.Idon’
trelaxmy
r
esti
ngbit
chf aceasIconti
nuestari
ngathi
m unti
lheclearshi
s
t
hroat
.

“
Iwaswonder
ingi
fIcoul
dtakey
ououtf
ordi
nner
,anypl
acet
hat
y
ouwantustogo.
”
“NowIgett
ohaveachoi
ce?
”Hesmi
l
esandhi
sshal
l
owdi
mpl
e
comesoutt
oplay.

“Ideservethat
,Ishoul
dhav edonet hingsbet terwi
thyou.I
couldn’tst
andlosi
ngyout othatboy .IpanickedwhenIsawt hat
hepur chasedanengagementr i
ngandIt houghtIhadt ogett
o
youbyanymeanspossi ble.
”He’srushingthr oughhisexpl
anat
ion
andhewon’ tl
ookmeint heeye.

“Backup,youknewt
hatTafadzwapurchasedaring?
!”Hel
ooksat
mel i
keI’
m aski
ngastupi
dquesti
on,hi
sar r
ogancebacki
nit
s
enti
ret
y.

“
Iknowev
ery
thi
ngt
hatwor
ksf
ororagai
nstme,
Itr
adei
nint
el.
”

“Ist
il
ldon’tgethowaf t
erknowi
ngallt
hatheistome,yousti
ll
thoughti
twasagoodi deatobl
ackmailmeint
obeingwithyou.
Whyme?Ther eisnothingr
emarkabl
eaboutme.Weonl ymet
onceandy ouwer erudetome.Whynow?Hady oupur
suedme
soonafterImety ou,Iwoul
dhaveprobabl
yendedupwithyou.”

I
’
m gett
ingagit
atedandIal
mostbreakthepeni
nmyhand.He
l
ooksatitandmebutwisel
ydoesn’tcomment.
“Whyy ou?It oldy outherewassomet hingabouty ou,t
hewayy ou
wentfrom annoy ingeagergirltoafieryhot-bl
oodedwomant hat
hadmei ntri
gued.Theny ousleptwithChat ungaandIt ol
dmy sel
f
thatwhat everinterestIhadiny oucouldn’tconti
nue.Youslept
withmypot entialson-i
n-l
awf orcryi
ngoutl oudandhur tmyRuby
butIstil
lkeptmyey esony ou.Itr
iedtot al
kmy selfoutof
pursui
ngy ou.Ical l
edoffthev i
gil
oncebutt henextdayIfound
my sel
fst al
kingy ouagain.Iknowt hatwhatIdi dwascr eepyand
underhandedbutIwasr eall
ydesper ate.”

I
’
m stunnedt
hatheknowsaboutChat
ungaandI
,myj
awi
sont
he
f
loorandhe’
sjustl
ooki
ngatmecalml
y.

“YouhurtTafadzwa,
”thewordscomeoutasawhi sper.I
’m
rel
ivi
ngthemomentandi tst
il
lgi
vesmeni ght
maresev enaft
er
Tafadzwahealedandseemsunscathed,
Istil
lcar
rythescarsof
whatIwitnessed.

“Idi
dn’
tsendahi
tont
hatl
i
ttl
eboy
.”Hescof
fsi
ndi
sdai
nwhenhe
saysli
tt
leboy
.

“
Isawyourhenchmancl
earl
ywit
hmyownt woeyes!
”Iam
i
ndi
gnantandIwantt
othrowthi
speni
ntohi
seye.
“Idi
dn’tsaythatGumbur aiwasn’tpar
tofthehit,
Isai
dIdidn’t
orchestr
atethatwholebeating.Befor
eyouaskwhodi d,Ican’
ttel
l
youthatwithoutcompromi singyoursaf
ety.Al
readyyousawt oo
muchandy ouareluckythatGumbur aii
stheonewhospot tedyou.
Nowar ewegoi ngfordinner?”

Ihav
enev
erwant
edt
osl
apaper
sonmor
einmyl
i
fe.

“Idon’tcar
eabouty
ourst
upiddinner
,Ineedanswer
s!”Ihi
ssand
hefindsmyhissyfi
thumorous.

“Youarenotget
ti
nganyanswers,wel
l notyetany
ways.I
’m
hungryandsi
nceyoudon’
tagreetothingswhenIasknicel
y,I
’
m
tel
li
ngyouthatwear
egoingtodinner.Rightnow.
”

Myheadisswimmingwithpossibi
li
ti
es.Coul dI
anbet el
li
ngthe
tr
uth?Imeanheevenmentionedmesl eepingwithChatungabut
heusedTafadzwa'
satt
acktoblackmailmei nthefi
rstplace.
Whatkindofmindgamesisthismanpl ayi
ng?Ifeell
ikesomeone
j
ustshovedmei nt
hedeependy etIcan’tevenswim.I’mintoo
deep.

“
Let
’sgo,
chi
teket
e.”
Itr
ytoreadhisf ace,tolookf ortheanswersthatIseekbutther
e
i
snothi
ngt here.Het hreatenstopi ckmeupandIr ollmyeyesasI
packupandf oll
owhi m out .Iwon’trestunt
ilIknowallt
he
answer
sandgetmy selfoutoft hismess.

.
..
..
.

HappyNewweek!Thef est
iveseasonisuponus,hav
ey ougot
ten
yourcopyofFal
lenCandl
eyet?Isitpar
tofthegi
ftsyouaregi
vi
ng
peoplethi
sChri
stmas?

Lov
eandLi
ght

Busi
seki
l
eKhumal
o