DAN

Even though the divorce of his parents presents problems, Dan believes the dissolution is
necessary. It's nothing new.

My parents have been talking about getting a divorce for years. They bring it up every time they
have an argument. Which is often. For no apparent reason, they get into these wild, screaming,
off-the-wall arguments all the time, accusing each other of the damnedest things, laying blame,
cursing. They spin out, go completely out of control. Worse than kids anytime. And you can hear
them all over hell, all over the neighborhood. In a way, this is the worst part, you know. The fact
that the neighbors can hear them. It's really embarrassing that the whole neighborhood can hear
your parents fighting. Then, for a while afterwards, after they have these terrible brawls, they go
through these periods where they treat each other okay. It's like this is their way of making up
for the screaming and all the crummy things they said to each other. It's like they call a truce.
But the truce never lasts very long. Before you know it, they're fighting again. And the periods
between their fights have gotten shorter. To the point now where it seems like they're at each
other's throats constantly.

I think the hardest thing for me to understand is how they can be so hateful to each other. The
things they say you wouldn't say to a dog. It's almost as if they hate each other's guts, or
something. Maybe they do.

I think about my parents a lot, you know. About how sad it is they've lost all respect for each
other. It couldn't have always been like this. I'm sure that at one time or other, when they were
young, they were in love. After all, isn't this is the reason people get married? Because they love
each other and want to make a life together? Because they're in love and willing to make a
lasting commitment?

But what happens along the way to make them get to this point? What goes wrong? I think
maybe it’s little things. Little lies. Little indiscretions. Small slights. Offhand remarks that would
be better off not said. I guess it's this and a lot more things that add up to emotions going out of
control.

I used to hate the thought of my parents splitting up. Just the threat of it, the insecurity of the
whole thing turned me around and really messed with my head. But lately, lately I think that it'd
be the best thing for everyone. For them, for me, and my sister, Carrie—everybody. It’s no good
for people to live around constant hostility. When there’s no more love, only meanness and
hatred, what the hell’s the point of going on?

IT’S A DOG’S LIFE

The day the cast was posted, I stood out by the theatre door, afraid to go in. Everyone was
crowding around, waiting. It was in the morning, about 8:30. The sun was trying to come out, but
the clouds were forcing it out of the sky. These big black clouds, just floating slowly, you know,
like clouds do. I watched them for a minute and I could smell the rain. Remember that song from
The Fantasticks? The one that goes, "Soon it's gonna rain, I can feel it. Soon it's gonna rain, I
can tell?" Well, I can always tell when it's gonna rain. I don't even have to see that there are
clouds. I can smell the wetness in air. And that day, that cloudy dark day with the sun waging a
losing battle with the atmosphere, I waited with a bunch of other kids to see if I got a part in the
show. There was this other guy, about my age, pacing and smoking a cigarette. I watched him
pace and watched that trail of smoke wind it's way up to join the other clouds and help block out
my sun. He glanced over at me and gave me this tense smile. "Nerves," he said and pulled a
long drag from his cigarette. He looked cool, though, in a very "with-it-part-of-the-in-crowd" sort
of way. Right then the door opened and everyone rushed in to check the cast list. Mr. Cool
Smoker Guy was dancing all around. Obviously he got the part he wanted. I looked up at the
clouds and the sun. For just a moment the sun won the war and revealed itself full and glowing.
I took that as a good sign and went in to check the cast list myself. Oh, I was there, all right.
Chorus. Again. Well, at least I made it. I went back outside and the sun was shining fully, having
burned the clouds away. I figured it was sort of like a natural spotlight meant just for me so
everybody would know that, yet again, I was inadequate. No wonder I like the rain.

Gavin, from God Herself

GAVIN. (trans man) Look: when you’re young and trans, you harbor this
secret hope that there’s a cure. That you can take something or feel
something and then you won’t be trans. For me and for her, that thing was
love. If we could just fall in love and be a man and a woman, we’d be cured.
We never said that to each other in words. But I was her girlfriend and she
was my boyfriend. I was the first person she ever came out to. We’d been out
at the mall all day and I jokingly suggested that she try on some girl clothes.
She did. I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone look so terrified with a grin on
their face. That night she broke down into tears in my arms. She told me that
she was trans and there was nothing she could do to change and she
understood if I never wanted to see her again. And it was just so absurd. I
came out to her too. The thing is, when you’re transitioning, you’re so
wrapped up in your gender that you don’t even have time to think about an
orientation. So I told her, “Amber, I’m bisexual, so wherever you end up is fine
with me.” And I got her hormones through hell and high water. And here’s the
thing they don’t tell you about hormones. Hormones make your gender shut
up long enough to let you have an orientation more complicated than
“somebody love me, please!” And somehow I ended up as a gay man she
ended up as a lesbian woman. We stuck it out through high school, because
what else were two closeted trans people going to do? But eventually we had
to admit that our orientations and genders just didn’t match up anymore. No…
that’s not right. We needed to prove that our genders didn’t match up. I
needed to prove it. Because who’s ever heard a gay man that’s dating a
woman? A real gay man? So I broke up with her. A year later, we’re both in
college and we’re thick as thieves. We told ourselves that we were just bros.
Just the two musketeers. And that’s what we were… all we were! Until we
weren’t.

Context: This is spoken by a young trans man named Gavin. He and Amber
grew up together and both ended up coming out as trans while in a
relationship with each other. They have since broken up, and Gavin now
identifies as gay and Amber now identifies as a lesbian. But Gavin has some
complicated feelings left for her. This monologue is him speaking to Amber’s
current girlfriend, trying to explain what it was like to be trans and in love.