History essay:

Why did the process of abolition of slavery take so long?

The practice of enslavement is one of the most brutal and violent acts in history, it was unethical
caused harm to millions of people as well as affecting multiple countries from all over the world, but
especially Africa. One of the most important parts of slavery is the Transatlantic Slave Trade. This
involved West Africa, the Carribean/ America and Britain, and lasted from 1526 all the way to 1867.
But why did such a harmful act take so long to abolish? It is because of 3 main reasons -
abolitionists/the people, money, ethics (morals).

The most important reason for why the abolition of slavery took so long was the abolitionists. One of
the first and main abolitionists to start the movement of the abolition was Olaudah Equiano. Born in
Igbo, Equiano suffered from his very childhood. Being sold at 11 and forced into labour, he
eventually won his freedom after more than 3 yrs. This allowed him to be free as a black person and
become a merchant as well as exploring the world. After 20 years of this, he settled in England and in
1789 wrote and published his memoirs on his life as a slave in a book. The book sold out everywhere
and he spent the other years of his life travelling to share his stories. Following his acts was Mary
Prince, a woman who was also born into slavery at 10. When she was freed, in 1791 she also was the
1st woman to publish her book called “History of Mary Prince, a west Indian slave”. These two black
abolitionists plotted the starting point for the abolition of slavery. Before these abolitionists, people
had no idea how horrific the slave trade was, and so this allowed people such as William
Wilberforce, Grenville Sharpe and Thomas Clarkson to campaign against the parliament and
eventually cause the Slave Trade Act in 1807 - the abolition of slavery in Britain.

Furthermore, we have the second most important factor - Money. Money was the reason for
enslavement in the first place and allowed Britain and other countries such as the US to develop into
rich countries. Traded items such as sugar and cotton supplied countries to manufacture things such
as cotton clothes or sugary delights. Enslavement brought countries a lot of riches, as they were not
paying slaves any money. However, after the people’s increased awareness of the cruelty of slavery
labour, the people of Britain enacted what is called the sugar boycott. This was when the British
people did not buy sugar or other labour products because of how unethical slavery was. It was also
proven by historian Eric Williams and David Osulaga, that the slave trade was not earning as many
profits as it was before, and as a result was abolished. This required the government to pay back 20
million pounds - 17 billion now, spread to all slave owners to prevent revolts etc.

Moreover, ethics and moral arguments were the reasons why people wanted to abolish slavery.
Slavery was unethical in every way, and because of the abolitionists, people of Britain and other
countries realized this. Moral and religious arguments such as racism and the fact that slavery was
un-Christian like also caused people to want to abolish slavery even more.

Overall, the transatlantic slave trade was the most horrific movement in history that harmed over 12
million African people’s lived and caused the death of more than 1 and a half million. It took this act
to be abolished over 2 centuries because of the lack of awareness and how unethical enslavement
was. Because of the acts of abolitionists, both black and white working together; and also the factors
of lowering profits at the time, the parliament was forced to abolish slavery as it was figured to be
able to be replaced by labour with pay. The combined forces of the British and the victims of this act
eventually led to the abolition. The main reason for the large amount of time needed for the
abolition is because of the work of the abolitionists (who took long to voice their thoughts);
combined with the lessening profits, this act was abolished.

Feedback
Content and Understanding (7/10)
Strengths:
The essay provides a clear introduction and addresses the complexity of the topic by identifying
three main reasons for the prolonged abolition process: abolitionists, economic factors, and
ethics.
It includes accurate historical references, such as the role of Olaudah Equiano and Mary Prince,
showing a good understanding of key abolitionist figures.
The economic factors are discussed, including the role of the sugar boycott and the impact on
profits.
Areas for Improvement:
The economic argument could be further developed by explaining more about how the economic
benefits of slavery sustained its practice and the resistance to abolition.
The discussion on ethics and moral arguments could include more about the broader societal and
religious movements that supported abolition, such as the role of the Quakers and evangelical
Christians.
There is a need to address political resistance and the role of pro-slavery lobbyists, which were
significant in delaying abolition.

Structure and Organization (4/5)

Strengths:
The essay has a clear and logical structure, with an introduction, main body paragraphs, and a
conclusion.
Each paragraph focuses on a specific reason for the delayed abolition, aiding clarity and coherence.
Areas for Improvement:
The transition between paragraphs could be smoother. For example, better linking between the
discussion on abolitionists and the economic factors would enhance the flow.
The conclusion could be more concise and focused, summarizing the key points without repetition.

Clarity and Expression (4/5)

Strengths:
The essay uses appropriate historical vocabulary and expressions.
The narrative is generally clear and understandable.
Areas for Improvement:
There are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that could be improved. For example, "it
was unethical caused harm to millions" should be "it was unethical and caused harm to
millions."
Some sentences are overly long and complex. Breaking them into shorter, more manageable
sentences would improve readability.

Accuracy and Evidence (3/5)

Strengths:
The essay includes several key facts and figures, such as the duration of the Transatlantic Slave
Trade and the compensation paid to slave owners.
Historical figures are accurately described, and their contributions are well-explained.
Areas for Improvement:
There are some factual inaccuracies, such as the claim that Mary Prince was freed in 1791, which is
incorrect. Her narrative was published in 1831, and her freedom was contested.
More evidence and examples could be provided to support the arguments. For instance, discussing
specific abolitionist campaigns or legislative efforts would strengthen the essay.

Total: 18/25
Overall Comments
This essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the reasons behind the delayed abolition of slavery, with a clear
structure and use of historical figures and events. To improve, the student should focus on expanding the
economic and political analysis, ensuring factual accuracy, and refining the clarity and flow of their writing.
Considering the exam conditions, this is a commendable effort, showing good potential for further development
with more time and resources.

Letter to Hugh Trevor Roper explaining his statement of Africa having no history is incorrect:

Dear Professor Trevor Roper,

I am writing to you to challenge your belief that Africa has “no history” before the Europeans
arrived, however I stand to disagree. Although there are 6 or more factors that creates a country
with effectively “no” history. But there is also proof that not even half those factors about Africa are
true. Having “no history” would mean that what events or anything that has occurred will be
impossible to learn of, that nothing in that “if found” history would be impressive, and that there is
nothing worth knowing in the history. However, evidence found about Africa proves you wrong.

To begin with, you imply that it is impossible to find out what has happened/Africa’s history before
the arrival of Europeans. However, there is historical evidence that a perfect example - Beinin City;
with incredibly complex planning and design which is done with careful symmetry and proportion
(now well known as a fractal design), repetitive shapes, patterns and perfect fractals. The astounding
structures also stun mathematicians such as Ron Englash who describes the African architecture in
his book “African Fractals” that the Africans “have been using a form of mathematics that they (the
Europeans) haven’t even discovered yet.” Benin further amazes us with the further exploration of
it’s history - telling us that there were countless doors, passageways in the city. Agben, clay carvings
of animals, warriors and other symbols of power in the exterior walls of the courts and compounds.
The richly decorative art and detail in the cities; from contrasting patterns from carvings in sunlight,
to pillars covered in bronze plaques decorated in the victories of former kings and nobles impress us
and the visiting Europeans. As when they first arrived, they were so impressed with the “wealth,
beauty and magnificence” of the city, they instantly wanted to trade for ivory, palm oil and pepper.
So overall, the history of Benin City in Africa had already been built up before the Europeans arrival.

Moreover, you claim that there is nothing that can impress us in Africa’s history. But the richest man
in the world - Mansa Musa is part of African history before the European’s arrival. Musa was the
emperor of a kingdom called Mali from 1312-1337. Located near the coast at the West of Africa, it
had access to multiple trade routes and the Atlantic Sea. He is said to have had over $400 billion in
the period. This is double Bernard Arnault (Louis Vuitton’s owner). One of his most astounding acts
was his Islamic Pilgrimage -Hajj in 1324. After years of preparation for Hajj, with over 15000 people,
he set off to Mecca. On the journey, Musa and his men stopped off at one of the most important
cities at the time, Cairo. Many people wrote about his infamous stay there; some said that 500 of his
slaves were carrying golden rods - historians suspect he had 18 tons of gold with him. This caused an
apparent price crash in gold in Egypt which lasted for years. But you might wonder why he would go
on Hajj if it required so much preparation? Many say that it was to show off Mali’s wealth and status
to the world. During his return to Mecca, he also “peacefully conquered” an important trading city -
Gao and a city wealthy in trade of salt - Timbuktu. One of Musa’s scholars - Al Sahili even built him a
palace, a great mosque and a University in Timbuktu. This overall tells us that not only was Musa the
richest man who ever lived, but that he also had people who honoured him enough to build
buildings for him, and servants who could carry gold rods for him; the riches he had and the loyalty
his people had were the main reason why his kingdom of Mali was so important and impressive. If
having the richest man in the world in your country’s history is not impressive, I’m not sure what is!

Finally, you suggest that there is nothing valued and worth learning in African history before the
arrival of the Europeans. However, I concur; have you considered the rise of the Asante Kingdom?
Located in West Africa and created by the Akan people in Ghana, the Asante or Ashanti Kingdom had
already been put a place in history from the 17th to the 19th century! It was considered one of the
most prominent states in Africa and had controlled territory outside what we now know as modern
Ghana. At the highest, the kingdom ruled over 3 million people. You might be wondering why this
kingdom is so important. Well the history of the Asanti are key to the understanding of all of Africa’s
history, and especially the Gold Coast region. The first significant Akan country was Bonoman.
Founded in the 1100s, it was a main trading source for its rich gold deposits. This allowed the Akan
people to spread out into other places to then form small kingdoms such as Denkirya, Akyme and
Akwamu. The trade routes in the Akan states were now stretched to the limit! This allowed the
nation of Dahomey to be build in 1600s which was a slave trading state; allowed the akan nation to
trade for advanced weapons and technology by the end of the 17th century. Going back, the
kingdom of Denkirya established the first great Akan Empire and seized the Gold Coast Region by
1660. Other Akan states then also formed powerful states such as Akwamu- conquered in 1681.

Overall, I hope you understand that Africa does not have “no history”, but more than most well
known countries! Ranging from a rising kingdom in the 12th century (to the 19th century), to the
richest man in the world. Africa is diverse, artistic and complex overall. I wish you strive to learn
further about Africa’s history and struggles as well. Thank you for your time!

Yours sincerely,

Jackie Zhong

Feedback
Content and Understanding (9/10)
Strengths:
The essay effectively challenges Professor Trevor Roper's claim by presenting strong evidence of
Africa's rich history.
It uses specific examples, such as Benin City, Mansa Musa, and the Asante Kingdom, to highlight
Africa's architectural, economic, and political achievements.
The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the historical significance of these examples.
Areas for Improvement:
The essay could be strengthened by including more diverse examples from different regions of
Africa, such as the Great Zimbabwe or the Kingdom of Axum, to provide a broader perspective.
A brief mention of the historical context of Trevor Roper's statement and its implications would add
depth to the argument.

Structure and Organization (4/5)

 Strengths:
The letter format is engaging and provides a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
Each paragraph is focused on a specific point, which makes the essay easy to follow.
The transitions between paragraphs are generally smooth.
Areas for Improvement:
The essay could benefit from more explicit transitions between points to enhance the flow. For
example, connecting the achievements of Benin City to those of Mansa Musa with a sentence
or two would create a more cohesive narrative.
The conclusion could be more concise and focused, summarizing the main points without
introducing new information.

Clarity and Expression (4/5)

Strengths:
The essay is clear and well-expressed, with appropriate vocabulary and a formal tone.
The use of rhetorical questions and direct addresses to Professor Trevor Roper are effective in
engaging the reader.
Areas for Improvement:
Some sentences could be streamlined for clarity. For example, "However, evidence found about
Africa proves you wrong" could be more specific about the type of evidence.
Avoiding repetition and ensuring that each sentence adds new information would enhance clarity.

Accuracy and Evidence (4/5)

Strengths:
The essay includes accurate historical information and specific examples to support the argument.
References to historians and books, such as Ron Eglash's "African Fractals," add credibility to the
arguments.
Areas for Improvement:
Providing citations or references for some of the claims, even if hypothetical in an exam setting,
would strengthen the credibility further.
Including a few more direct quotes or specific data points would provide additional evidence to
support the arguments.

Total: 21/25
Overall Comments
This is a strong and well-argued essay that effectively challenges the misconception that Africa had no history
before European contact. The use of detailed examples and a clear structure makes the argument compelling. To
improve, the student should focus on refining transitions, ensuring conciseness in the conclusion, and including a
broader range of examples. The essay demonstrates a deep understanding of the topic and a mature approach to
historical argumentation. Well done!