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Kaylina Nguyen

ENG 102

Professor Shinabarger

27 March 2020

Fight or Flight

It is expected that when a relationship blooms between two lovers, that no harm be

purposefully executed against one another. It is an unspoken oath of love and loyalty. What

happens when that unspoken oath falls apart? Terrors are unleashed and both sides stuck, victims

to their own minds. Men and Women who are victims of domestic violence are often stuck and

struggle to find help. Some victims don’t even know that they are victims of domestic violence.

Most of the causes of domestic violence between partners are almost always mental. It can be

feelings of inadequacy or a trauma from the past that spurs these actions.

When people think of victims of domestic violence, oftentimes it is women who are the

victims to be thought of. We forget that men too can be victims and suffer from the same

violence that women experience. Women who domestically abuse men are oftentimes fueled by

jealousy and their lack of self-confidence. The abuse can be anywhere from constantly accusing

their partners of being unfaithful, hiding medication or car keys, public humiliation, and even

falsely accusing their partners of rape or abuse. If a situation escalates it can lead to violence on

the victim himself. Research has shown that “38% of women stated that they had threatened to

use violence at least sometimes to make their partner do the things they wanted him to

do”(PMC). Women who feel they lack control in a relationship will exert their control in

unhealthy ways. This can be due to feelings of retribution. “if I’m in love with somebody and

they do something like bring another girl around me or he tell me to pick up his cell phone
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knowing it’s a girl, I’m gonna react”(PMC). Abusers who are women are most likely to resort to

physical aggressions if they feel they have been wronged. Whether it is justified or not that is the

most common reason for abusers who are female.

Men have less access to help than female victims. This is another main cause as to why

domestic violence against men has continued to increase. In 2013 “13% of documented contacts

to the Hotline identified themselves as male victims''(NDVH). Even more go undocumented due

to stigma around men who are “victims”. Men who are victims of abuse may struggle to find

help or have their “manhood” brought into question. As kids they are told to “man up” and take

whatever is thrown at them and to handle it as “men''. Even in modern times; the media is more

likely to report on female victims rather than male victims. People find it hard to believe that a

woman can be an abuser to a man who may appear to be larger than she is. These beliefs have

been instilled due to our looming pasts. Women back then were the victims of abuse due to their

lack of choice back then. Everyone had looked down upon a woman trying to do anything other

than be a housewife.While men were believed to be superior or the breadwinners of the family.

In the present day, however, with new cultures and traditions women are given a lot of the same

opportunity that men had been given then. It has opened up new possibilities both good and bad.

Even if the abuser only uses mental tactics they are just as detrimental to health as physical

violence. Many cases go undocumented which makes female abusers feel more powerful when

the man is trapped and unable to find help. “One in 10 men has experienced rape, physical

violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner”(NDVH). These studies mainly come from

documented cases. It is greatly assumed that percentages or statistics may be much higher due to

the amount of undocumented cases.

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The causes of domestic violence against women vary greatly from the causes of domestic

violence against men. For some female victims a major cause is “Coercive Control”, it is an

“exaggerated manner, cultural gender stereotypes that stipulate male dominance and female

submissiveness”(Mayo). Victims of coercive control are almost always female and this is due to

men who feel as if society should revert back to its more traditional values. They refuse to let

their partner work, manage finances, or even own their own property. These situations can

become more severe if the male abuser becomes jealous of their partner's relationship with

friends or family; oftentimes isolating their partners. These relationships are the hardest to

escape. The victim has almost no control and does not feel they are suffering from domestic

violence simply because there is no violence. The abuser holds so much control and power that

manipulation is easy for them. These victims over time will suffer from “depression, anxiety, and

posttraumatic stress disorder...One study found that coercive control was related to posttraumatic

stress disorder”(Mayo). Stalking is another term used under Domestic violence that is common

in many domestic violence relationships. Men who wish to exercise their control without the

woman knowing often resort to this tactic. Of the documented cases “41% of women were

stalked by an intimate partner”(NSW). Gps implanted devices were placed unknowingly on the

victims phone, computer and even their car. Even after the relationship has ended the device may

never be revealed until it is too late.

Despite there being lots of organizations and help readily available for women it can be

difficult to leave. Female victims do not face the same stigma as male victims but that doesn't

make their abuse any lesser than another. Many female victims are locked in their own homes

and threatened with violence if they try to escape. Some victims are so manipulated that they

blame themselves. “Abusers are often concerned with outward appearances, and may appear
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charming and stable to those outside of [the] relationship”(NSW). This can manipulate the victim

into believing that whatever is causing the violence must be their fault. Even worse if the victim

fights back in defense, their partner blames them as the abuser and threatens to tell the world.

Both men and women suffer from domestic violence. The causes differ and yet don’t all

at once. It doesn’t change the fact however, that it’s one big power play. Men and women who

feel inferior to those around them; practice their power on the more vulnerable under veiled

truths. Domestic violence is caused by mental feelings of inadequacy or sexism in terms of

coercive control. Many cases go undocumented, and lives are lost or further pushsed to the brink

of insanity.

Works cited

“Men Can Be Victims of Abuse, Too - The Hotline.” The National Domestic Violence Hotline,

12 Apr. 2019, www.thehotline.org/2014/07/22/men-can-be-victims-of-abuse-too/.

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“Recognize the Signs of Domestic Violence against Women.” Mayo Clinic, Mayo Foundation

for Medical Education and Research, 25 Feb. 2020, www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-

lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/domestic-violence/art-20048397.

Swan, Suzanne C, et al. “A Review of Research on Women's Use of Violence with Male

Intimate Partners.” Violence and Victims, U.S. National Library of Medicine, 2008,

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2968709/.

“The Effects of Domestic and Family Violence.” Family & Community Services,

www.facs.nsw.gov.au/domestic-violence/about/effects-of-dv.