THE ENDING OF THINGS

A DISCOURSE ON "NON-SELF"
Whatever arises passes away.
This is the last talk of the rains retreat for 1999. It seems just a few days
ago that I gave the first talk of this rains retreat. Now it's almost over. That
is the nature of things: to rise and fall. To some people that creates a great
deal of fear as if they've got no place to hold onto, as if even the ground
beneath them is moving, is disintegrating, so there's no place to sit. And
that indeed is the nature of our lives. At first we fear impermanence or
Anicca but, after a while, when we understand the Lord Buddha's teachings
(Dhamma), Anicca becomes a great comfort to us and a tool which we can
use to accommodate the moods of life. There are times when we are
confused. There are times when we are healthy. There are times when we
are sad. And there are times when we are sick. This rise and fall is the very
nature of life.
Once a person understands the rise and fall of all phenomena,
experiencing the worst that human life can give does not make one
tremble. You know that it's something passing just like the wind passes
your face. You don't know where that wind comes from, and you can't tell
where that wind is going. All you know is that wind is blowing. You don't
know when that wind is going to end, nor if it will get stronger or weaker.
Like the weather, the forecast for moods is "changeable".
All feelings that arise in the mind and all feelings which impinge upon the
body, all of these, arise and pass away. Even though you try as best as you
can in your life to control these feelings, to try only to get the pleasant ones
and to ward off the painful ones, you never know where they are coming
from or when they will go.
All Is On Fire
You're all old enough now, and you all have had sufficient experience, to
have discovered that you cannot control these feelings (Vedana). They're
beyond you. They just come when they want to, and they disappear when
they want to. They're subject to laws of nature rather than our control.
That's the message contained in the Adittapariyaya Sutta ("The Discourse
on Fire" - SN,35,42). Essentially all experience is on fire, like flames raging
higher and then receding to become small, going out and then flaring up
again. That is the nature of our experience. If you have any sickness, then
you know the nature of sickness is to die down and then flare up again.
It's like that with the sickness of the mind. There are times when your mind
is healthy and everything looks so wonderful, and there are times when it is
depressed and fed up, and you want to go somewhere else. This is just the
nature of the mind, that's all - just the worldly winds blowing through it. All
the Thai Meditation Masters say not to follow those moods, but to stand
your ground and to be just like an unshakeable rock, where the winds can
blow as hard as they can but you don't even quiver at all. This is the sign of
someone who understands the Dhamma [1], someone who doesn't tremble
or get blown around. A person who hasn't got a foundation in the Dhamma
gets blown all over the place. When you have your roots stuck in the
Dhamma then you don't get moved by the rising and falling of different
phenomena in the world.
To be able to see those rising and falling phenomena is just seeing that
things come and go. We have to look at this thing which we call
experience. But not just experience, we have to look at the experiencer as
well. I've used the analogy before of experience being like a television
program on a television set. Often human beings, Buddhists included, want
only to observe the content of the screen rather than the screen itself. All
they want to look at is something out there rather than looking inside. This
tendency is recognized by all philosophies and religions that have a
mystical introspective inclination. People don't seem to go inside enough.
They stop short of the goal. The whole idea of this investigation is to go
deeper, and to go to the very core of that which we call the phenomena of
"world", "self", "God", "existence" or whatever.
Penetrating Beneath the Surface of Things
Instead of going inside, human beings tend to go outside. They go outside
of "this" and on to something else in the future. They step ahead of
themselves rather than step inside of themselves, and this is why human
beings - even meditators - very often don't get the pure wisdom of the
Dhamma. That Dhamma 2 lies right in the very moment, in the heart, in the
centre of all this.
As I've said, we often just stop at the surface of things and think that's all
there is. We don't go deeper into the very core and see that there's nothing
there! It's so important to be able to liberate oneself from the illusion of
something permanent that knows the passing and fading away of
phenomena, to liberate oneself from the illusion of a permanent solid
screen, from the illusion that "you" are always there watching all these
things come and go, but "you" don't come and go, "you're" always there.
That is the illusion which creates suffering in that world which you inhabit.
This is why I've been teaching throughout this rains retreat to develop the
mind in Samadhi to such powerful states of sustained attention that you
can let the mind rest on one thing courageously, firmly, without shaking or
without wavering, long enough to penetrate its empty nature.
What you want to see is this thing we call experience itself, and to be able
to get deep into that you do need the ability to sustain your attention on
something very, very subtle. The ordinary experience of life goes so fast
that we cannot really discern its nature. It's like going through life in a fast
car. We look out of the window and all we can see are just flashes of
scenery as we go past. We may go through a town, but we cannot really
read the sign posts or read the names of the shops because we are going
too fast. As we slow down we can get more information. If we travel on a
bicycle we can see much more. If we walk we can see even greater detail.
If we stand still as we watch the scenery around us, then we find that we
see the most.
Being Still and "Seeing" the Jewel in the Heart of the Thousand-Petal Lotus
If you can sustain your attention on any part of nature long enough, nature
opens up to you and reveals its secrets, whether it's watching a leaf on a
tree or it's watching the moon in the sky or even watching the finger on
your hand. Whatever it is, if you can sustain your attention unmoving and
without comment, silent and still, you'll find the object in front of the mind
will open up its secrets to you. And you'll see much more in there than
you've ever seen before.
It's like the simile that I've used before of the thousand-petal lotus. A
thousand petal lotus closes up at night-time. When the sun's rays hit that
lotus at dawn it starts to open, one petal at a time. As long as the sun is
heating that petal it will start to open up. Can you imagine how long the sun
has to sustain its attention on the lotus to start the inner petals opening up?
The sun stands for Samadhi. The lotus can stand for whatever phenomena
we are placing our attention on. If we sustain our attention on this lotus, this
phenomenon, the outermost petals open up revealing the inner petals.
You'll notice as you contemplate in this way, silently holding your attention
without moving, that all the old labels disappear. All the old ideas which you
had about that thing in front of you, are the "outer petals". They start to
disappear when you get to the petals underneath. You start to see things
you've never seen before, experiences for which you don't have labels and
which are beyond your learned perceptions. Most of our perceptions are
just repeating what we already know from when we were told it at school.
"Cow", "Dog", "Policeman", "Money", "Car"; all these are just labels which
we are taught to attach to the objects in the world. Also, there are labels
which we are taught to attach to the objects of the mind: "thought",
"feeling", "consciousness" and "self". All these are just that much - learned
perceptions.
As we sustain our attention on the mind, we see that all those labels are
the outer petals of the lotus. When they open, we know that there is more
to this, that there's a deeper reality which is certainly beyond words. If we
can keep on sustaining our attention on this thing which we call "the mind",
"experience", "the moment", or whatever we wish to call it, without moving,
the innermost petals start to manifest and then finally the last, the
thousandth petal, the innermost-of-the-innermost, opens up and reveals
what is called "the jewel in the heart of the lotus" The beautiful jewel of
Dhamma which is emptiness - nothing there! This will not be what you
expect in the heart of a lotus, but that's what's there - the emptiness of all
phenomena. Once you see that, it gives you a great shock that wakes you
from the deep slumber of illusion.
Emptiness to the Core
In the centre of all things is a great space of nothingness, of emptiness. All
around are these fabrications (Sankharas), and it's only these fabrications
which surround this empty core of nothingness. It's these fabrications that
we take to be real, which we take to be "me", which we take to be "mine",
and which we take to be a "self". All of these things are what delude us. It's
hard to go that deep inside the mind. There comes a time when we almost
get to the innermost petal - but not the very innermost - and we think that's
good enough. As we go deeper into that lotus, the petals are more and
more golden, beautiful and brilliant. They are delightful, those innermost
petals. Sometimes we come to the most beautiful petal, and we think,
"That's it. This must be it! It's so beautiful, so wonderful, so inspiring. This
must be the Dhamma!"
However, it's only in the emptiness, in the nothingness, that there can be
an end. Ajahn Chah, my teacher, always liked to find the end of things, not
things which create more problems and more things to do, but that which
stops everything, which finishes the work, and which ends the burden. This
is when a person becomes enlightened. Birth is destroyed (Khina Jati). The
Holy Life has been lived (Vusitam Brahmacariyam). No more of all this
(Naparamitthattayati).
Haven't you had enough of all this yet? Those of you who have had lots of
suffering in the rains retreat, join the club. This is suffering. All we are trying
to do is to find out that which ends all that suffering and finishes this Holy
Life business. We want to end it and to see that the core of nothingness is
where it is ended. Imagine what that might be like when you know, because
you've seen to the very depth of all things, that there's nothing there. That
which you've taken to be consciousness, that which knows, you find that it's
completely empty.
The Buddha called the appearance of something solid a magician's trick.
The "magician" makes you think that there is something solid in this
consciousness [SN,22,95]. But it is just things arising and passing away.
That's all there is! That which knows is an empty process. Because it is
empty it can stop. If there were something there, knowing would be
endless. There is a basic law of physics called the "law of the conservation
of energy". Energy can mutate from one type to another as it passes
through the whole of Samsara. But if there is nothing there, if
consciousness is empty of substance, only then can it stop.
To see that core of consciousness to be empty is liberating. It means that
whether you know happiness or you know suffering, whether you know
confusion or you know clarity, you realize that this is just empty
consciousness playing a game with you, making you think that this is real.
When you've actually seen the emptiness of consciousness, it's like finally
seeing the television set disappear on which all of this drama of life is
carried out.
As I mentioned earlier, I like to use the simile of televisions. Imagine six
television sets in line - one is called "sight", one is called "hearing", one is
called "smell", one is called "taste", one is called "touch", and the last is
called "mind". Only one of these televisions is on at a time - just one, then
another and another, flicking into existence and then out. It's easy to see
the content on the screens and see the content rise and fall, but the way to
become Enlightened is not only to see the content on the screen rise and
fall, but to see the whole television set come into existence and then
completely disappear.
One of the great advantages of attaining Jhanas is that as soon as you've
got into a Jhana five "television sets" have completely vanished - not just
popped out of existence for a moment, but popped out of existence for
many hours. It's not as if there's nothing on the screen; there's no screen
anymore! There is no sight. There is no sound. There's not even any
hearing. There's no smell. There's no taste. There's no touch. This is
because there's no body when you're in Jhana. It is pure mental
consciousness. That's why you can sit for long periods of time. The knees
don't ache; the back doesn't ache; the nose doesn't itch because it's got
hay fever. You've completely left the world.
Five "television sets" disappear, and you've just got this mind left. Be aware
though that you can get stuck there. Some people with weak wisdom will
think, "That's it - the mind is the ultimate 'television set' that doesn't
disappear." However you can either use inference, or you can take those
Jhanas deeper, and you can see parts of that last "television set" get
hacked away. From First Jhana to Second Jhana you hack away at half the
"television set", initial and sustained application of mind (Vitakka and
Vicara). From Second to Third to Fourth Jhana you hack away a heap
more of that "television set". You hack away at more of the "television set"
and you get into the Immaterial Absorptions (Arupa Jhanas). You keep
hacking away until you get to cessation (Nirodha Samapatti), when the
whole of that last "television set" is gone. Consciousness has disappeared.
That which knows has vanished. You come out of that experience, and
there is no way that you can miss the meaning. That which we thought to
be real, pervasive and stable, that which knows is a mirage!
Sometimes people get afraid when I talk like this, and that's to be expected
because I'm challenging the very heart of who they think they are.
Challenging it to its very roots. But imagine for a while what it would be like
to have no self. To have no self means that all of this happiness and
suffering, this pain and pleasure, this delight and frustration which arises in
the mind will not worry you anymore. Why would it concern us when there
is no one there who owns this pain in the body or pleasure in the body? All
the frustration, the success or the failure, why would we worry about it?
You know these are just things which rise and fall. They're not yours.
There's no one to blame, and there's no one to praise. Praise and blame
are worldly phenomena (Dhammas). The Buddha said they don't belong to
anybody. They just belong to nature.
Praise and blame are great to contemplate. When I was young I always
tried to avoid blame like the plague, and I'd only seek praise. If I got blamed
I would think there was something wrong with me, and I was quite skilful in
trying to please others. But even though I tried my very best, I still got
blamed for things which I didn't do. I also noticed that I got praised for
things I didn't do as well, but I never complained about that. I would get fed
up if someone blamed me unfairly. I really noticed how much of my early
life was spent trying to please somebody. I was trying to please my
parents, please my teachers at school, please my friends or please my
girlfriend. Later on I spent so much time trying to please Ajahn Chah,
please Ajahn Sumedho, please the Buddhist Society of Western Australia's
management committee, or please the monks who were staying with me.
Now I don't care if I please anyone or not. If you've had a rotten rains
retreat, I don't care. Ha! Ha! Its just worldly Dhammas; its got nothing to do
with me. I take no responsibility if you got it right either. It's praise and
blame, that's all. Isn't it wonderful when you see this is not Ajahn Brahm
giving the talk? You don't have to worry about what is said, and you don't
have to worry about trying to inspire people. It's just the play of Dhammas,
that's all it is.
Freedom From Suffering
What I'm trying to say is that when one realizes non-self or anatta, there's a
great freedom which comes from letting go of all that concern which caused
you suffering. The Lord Buddha said that when there's a self, there are
things that belong to it (MN,22). There's my reputation and what people
think of me. There's my possessions; there's my body; there's my thoughts,
my ideas, my views and there's my meditation. All of these things which
begin with "my" happen when we have a self.
Imagine that there is no self. When there's no self, there's no core; there is
no me, and there is no mine. Imagine what it's like to have no possessions.
I don't just mean physical possessions. I don't just mean that you've got no
hut, you've got no robes, you've got no money, you've got no honey or
sugar. I mean you've got no body, no arms, no head, no teeth; and you
have no thoughts! Thoughts are there but they are not yours. You have no
happiness, and you have no suffering. Happiness and suffering come and
go, but they are nothing to do with you. There is no one in here. Imagine
what it's like to have nothing, truly to be without possessions and to have
followed the path of renunciation far deeper than you first thought was
possible. You don't just renounce worldly things, you renounce unworldly
things too -- all things, any thing! Throw everything away until there's
literally nothing left.
Imagine when you have absolutely nothing: no body, no mind, no
consciousness. It all just belongs to nature. You give back the deeds of
your life to its rightful owner. Nature owns all this, not you. If you could do
that, imagine how free you would be. You would have absolutely no worries
and no concerns. Whatever happens in the world, nature looks after it.
Happiness, suffering, clarity, confusion, whatever occurs is just the play of
nature. That's why the Lord Buddha said, when there is not a self then
there is nothing belonging to a self. If there is no "mine", there is no craving
any more.
Why do you want to grab onto things? To grab onto happiness is to grab
onto suffering as well. People are crazy. They grab onto both praise and
blame. When someone tells you off and tells you how stupid you are, you
grab onto that, "I'm stupid! Why do they call me stupid? I'm not really
stupid". You're just holding onto that. When there is pain in the body you
think, "I hurt. This is painful". Why are you holding onto that? You're just
making yourself suffer.
Craving is not just for pleasant things. Stupid people will crave for suffering!
They just crave for anything because they're into craving. It's like someone
going into a shop; they decide they are going to buy something whether
they like it or not. They'll even buy rubbish. That's what craving is like.
You'll eat anything when you're hungry, and attach to anything when you're
stupid and craving - even suffering. This is all because deep inside of us
we still think we are there. Therefore we want to do something; we want to
get something, and we want to own something. The whole function of
having a self, of having an ego, is to do, to possess and to have power over
our possessions. Big egos in the world like to be prime ministers,
presidents, kings and queens. They like to own so much and to have so
much power over everything. The extent of your ego is your desire for
power over others. Someone who has got no ego doesn't exert power over
others.
I remember some of the great monks that I have known, Enlightened Ones
(Arahants) of the Forest Tradition. Sometimes people thought they were
fearsome because they would always tell you what to do. But according to
my memory they were just so soft and kind. They were freeing you, not
controlling you. They gave to you; they never tried to take possession of
you. One can even say that the whole purpose of a teacher is to get rid of
disciples, not to get more. That's why I try to get rid of each one of you, to
make you enlightened and free. That's the purpose of a teacher, not to
possess you but to liberate you. The purpose of the Teaching (the
Dhamma) is to liberate.
The Driverless Bus
Often when you start to delve into non-self, there comes a time when you
don't want to go any further because you're afraid. I'm not talking about
ordinary fear; I'm talking about fear that goes to what you take to be your
very "core". You're challenging all you ever thought about yourself, and
you're undermining your whole essence of existence. Your whole reason to
be is being challenged by imagining what it would be like if there were
nothing there. If you have the courage and the faith to go through that fear
and find that what you were afraid of was nothing, you will receive the most
beautiful gift - the gift of freedom. The gift of the ending of things, of the
work being finished.
Years ago I gave the simile of "the driverless bus". It's like you're driving
through life in a bus, and you get pleasant experiences and unpleasant
experiences. You think it's your fault; or you think that it's the driver's fault.
"Why is it that the driver doesn't drive into pleasant country and stay there
for a long time? Why does he always drive into unpleasant territory and
stay there a long time?" You want to find out who is controlling this journey
called "my life". Why is it that you experience so much pain and suffering?
You want to find out where the driver is, the driver of these five aggregates
(Khandhas): body, feeling, perception, mentality and consciousness - the
driver of you. After doing a lot of meditation and listening to the Dhamma,
you finally go up to where the driver's seat is in the bus, and you find it's
empty!
It shocks you at first, but it gives you so much relief to know there's no one
to blame. How many people blame somebody when there is suffering?
They either blame God, or they blame their parents, or they blame the
government, or they blame the weather, or they blame some sickness they
have, and in the last resort if they can't find anyone else to blame, they
blame themselves. It's stupidity. There is no one to blame! Look inside and
see it's empty, "a driverless bus". When you see non-self (Anatta), you see
there is no one to blame; it's Anatta. The result is that you go back into your
seat and just enjoy the journey. If it's a driverless bus, what else can you
do? You sit there when you go through pleasant experiences, "just
pleasant experiences that's all". You go through painful experiences, "just
painful experiences, that's all". It's just a driverless bus.
You think that you have driven a course through these three months of the
Rains Retreat, that your success or failure, your happiness or suffering is
due to you. It's not, it's just nature. You've got no one to blame, and you've
got no one to praise. Whatever has happened is just that; so stop shouting
at the driver. Stop cursing the driver. There's no one there; you're wasting
your breath. Just sit in your seat and "cop it sweet" [2]. When there are nice
times, have fun. When there are unpleasant times, have fun. When you've
got no one to blame, you might as well enjoy the journey. This is the simile
of the driverless bus.
"The Answer is 'There Is Nothing"
I remember one of the teachings Ajahn Chah gave me personally. He used
to come to our monastery at Wat Pah Nanachat every week because we
had built a sauna for him there. He found the sauna beneficial as his health
was failing by this stage. When he came it was great because he would
give us a talk as well. That day he'd come to give a talk. We had fired up
the sauna, and as soon as it was ready a few monks went to help him. I
would help him sometimes; other times I let other people help.
This time, after giving a very inspiring talk to all the Western monks, he
went off to the sauna, and I let some other monks look after him. I went to
the back of the hall, sat outside, and had a deep, peaceful meditation. After
coming out of my meditation I thought I would check out how Ajahn Chah
was, to see if I could help him. Walking from the hall to the sauna, I saw he
was already finished and was walking in the opposite direction with a
couple of Thai lay people.
Ajahn Chah took one look at me, saw that I'd been in a deep meditation,
and he said, "Brahmavamso, Why?"
I was completely surprised and confused, and replied, "I don't know".
Afterwards he said, "If anyone ever asks you that question again, the
correct answer is, 'There is nothing'".
"Do you understand?" Ajahn Chah asked me.
"Yes," I said.
"No you don't," he replied.
So if you've been asking that question, Why? Why? Why?, I've given you
the answer now. It's straight from a great meditation master, Ajahn Chah.
The answer to the question "Why?" is, "There is nothing".
He was really great, Ajahn Chah, and he was correct. That will always
remain with me, "There is nothing". This is emptiness. There is no doer.
There is no knower, it's completely empty! To be able to get to that
emptiness, encourage yourself by knowing that if you do find that
emptiness, it's wonderful! All the Enlightened Ones that I have known have
always been happy; they haven't regretted finding out that there's nothing
there. No one has said to me, "I wish I hadn't found this out". It's liberating
when you see there is nothing there. There is nothing to hold onto, and
when you don't hold onto anything, there's no suffering any more.
All of the craving, all of the attachment, and all of the pain that arises
because of those cravings and attachments, all have their origin in the
illusion of self. That illusion of self creates a sense of "me" and a sense of
"mine", all that I want, all the praise and blame, the "I am" conceit
(Asmimana): "I am as good as the next person"; "I am better"; "I am worse".
How many of you are still suffering because of comparing yourselves to
someone else? You don't have to compare yourself to anybody. You're not
there!
There is no more comparison anymore once you can give the "self" away.
You don't even need to worry about what people think about you: because
there is no one there to think about. How much suffering comes from
worrying about what you think other people think about you, especially
what I think about you because I'm the teacher here? What do I think about
you? I don't think anything about you, because you are just not there!
Letting Go of Everything!
Another simile that I like to use is that as long as there is a hand you will go
on picking up things. That's what a hand does. If you've got a hand and a
nose, you'll pick your nose from time to time when no one is looking. When
there is no hand, when you have cut the hand off, then you won't pick
things up which create suffering for you and which create the burden of
ownership.
Those of you who have started renouncing can understand that the more
you give up, the freer you feel. You give up your house; you give up your
car; you give up your possessions; you give up sex; you give up
entertainment; you give up all these things, and you find the more you give
up, the more liberated you are. It's like a person with a big rucksack on
their back, carrying all these rocks, who has come to realize that they don't
have to carry all these things. So on the journey up the mountain to
Nibbana they keep throwing things out: throwing out all their possessions,
throwing out their body, throwing out their thoughts, throwing out their
worries and throwing out their illusion of self. On the last few steps up the
mountain, they throw out the "doer", next they throw away the "knower".
Then there is nothing left. When there is nothing left then they are free.
When we say this is the path of renunciation, we really mean renouncing.
When we say it's the path of letting go, it's really letting go of everything.
Don't keep even a small thing left over.
The End
Have you the courage to do it? It's really worthwhile becoming Enlightened.
It's to be recommended. Don't you want to become Enlightened? Don't you
want to be free of all this? Haven't you had enough of samsara? Haven't
you had enough of going to work? Haven't you had enough of this body,
and pain, and going to the doctors, and having kids, and worrying about
whether you're happy or sad, and all these thoughts which run through your
mind and create problems and difficulties? One minute happy, the next
minute sad. Haven't you had enough of all that?
Meditate! Make the mind still! Look at this thing we call the mind, let the
lotus open up and see the most beautiful jewel there could ever be -
nothingness. There's nothing better than nothingness, and there's no jewel
greater than the Dhamma.
Ajahn Brahmavamso
Perth, Western Australia