100+ jokes!
1: Why did the old man fall down the well? He
couldn’t see that well
2: Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to
check her balance... So I pushed her over.
3: How many stormtroopers does it take to change
a lightbulb? None, because they are all on the
dark side.
4: If your house is cold, just stand in the corner.
It’s always 90 degrees there.
5: What do you call the security guards for
Samsung? Guardians of the galaxy.
6: How much does a chimney cost? Nothing it's on
the house.
7: Have you ever heard about the kidnapping at
school? It's okay, he woke up.
8: I found a book called How to Solve 50% of Your
Problems. So I bought 2.
9: Why did the coffee taste like dirt? Because it
was ground just a few minutes ago.
10: Why did the Rolling Stones stop making
music? Because they got to the bottom of the hill.
11: What is the best present? Broken drums! You
can't beat them.
12: I made a song about tortilla once, now it's
more like a wrap.
13: Did you hear about the fragile myth? It was
busted.
14: I stayed up all night wondering where the sun
went, and then it dawned on me.
15: How do you make holy water? You boil the hell
out of it.
16: What do you do to have a space party? You
planet.
17: Why couldn’t the tree get on his computer?
Because he could not log on.
18: What's a skeleton's favorite type of road? A
dead end.
19: What did the grape say when it got stepped
on? Nothing, just a little wine.
20: What did the computer go to the doctor?
Because he had a virus.
21: Did you hear about the famous pickle? He's a
really big dill.
22: I went on Amazon to buy a lighter but all they
had were 3,472 matches.
23: What do you need to make a highway in an art
studio? A mile marker.
24: How does Vin Diesel keep in touch with the
Fast and Furious crew? On a Zoom call.
25: Why do only some couples go to the gym?
Because some relationships don't work out.
26: How do you make 7 even? Take away the S.
27: What do you call a broken clock? A waste of
time.
28: Why did the teddy bear turn down a slice of
cake? He was stuffed.
29: What's an astronaut's favorite board game?
Moon-opoly
30: What do you call a rabbit with fleas? Bugs
Bunny!
31: What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground
beef!
32: Why did the baseball player get fired? He ran
3 bases then walked home.
33: Why don't fish play basketball? Because
they're scared of the net.
34: My dad told me a joke about boxing. I guess I
missed the punchline.
35: Why don't football players were glasses? It's a
contact sport.
36: Where do basketball players go when they
need a uniform? New Jersey.
37: Why can't pigs play soccer? They hog the ball.
38: Why shouldn't you play tennis in the jungle?
Too many cheetahs.
39: I'm afraid for the calendar. Its days are
numbered.
40: Dear Math, grow up and solve your own
problems.
41: Have you heard about the chocolate record
player? It sounds pretty sweet.
42: What did the ocean say to the beach?
Nothing, it just waved.
43: I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't
know y.
44: How does the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it.
45: What did one wall say to the other? I'll meet
you at the corner.
46: Where do fruits go on vacation? Pear-is!
47: I asked my dog what's two minus two. He said
nothing.
48: What did Baby Corn say to Mama Corn?
Where's Pop Corn?
49: What's the best thing about Switzerland? I
don't know, but the flag is a big plus.
50: Where do you learn to make a banana split?
Sundae school.
51: What has more letters than the alphabet? The
post office!
52: What do you call a poor Santa Claus? St.
Nickel-less!
53: How do you get a squirrel to like you? Act like
a nut.
54: Why don't eggs tell jokes? They'd crack each
other up.
55: I don't trust stairs. They're always up to
something.
56: What do you call someone with no body and no
nose? Nobody knows.
57: Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well,
I'm not going to spread it!
58: Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It
was two tired.
59: What did one hat say to the other? Stay here!
I'm going on ahead.
60: Why can't a nose be 12 inches long? Because
then it would be a foot.
61: What does a lemon say when it answers the
phone? Yellow!
62: What kind of car does an egg drive? A
yolkswagen.
63: How does a salad say grace? Lettuce pray.
64: Why didn't the skeleton climb the mountain?
It didn't have the guts.
65: What do you call it when a snowman throws a
tantrum? A meltdown.
66: What concert costs just 45 cents? 50 Cent
featuring Nickelback!
67: What does a bee use to brush its hair? A
honeycomb!
68: How do you make a tissue dance? You put a
little boogie in it.
68: Why did the math book look so sad? Because
of all of its problems!
69: What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
Nacho cheese.
70: What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers!
71: A guy walks into a bar... and he was
disqualified from the limbo contest.
72: When two vegans get in an argument, is it
still called a beef?
73: If a child refuses to nap, are they guilty of
resisting a rest?
74: I once had a dream I was floating in an ocean
of orange soda. It was more of a fanta sea.
75: I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.
76: Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because
he was outstanding in his field.
77: I made a pencil with two erasers. It was
pointless.
78: I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's
impossible to put down!
79: Did you hear about the guy who invented the
knock-knock joke? He won the 'no-bell' prize.
80: You know, people say they pick their nose, but
I feel like I was just born with mine.
81: I've got a great joke about construction, but
I'm still working on it.
82: I used to hate facial hair...but then it grew on
me.
83: What's brown and sticky? A stick.
84: Why can't you hear a psychiatrist using the
bathroom? Because the 'P' is silent.
85: What do you call an elephant that doesn't
matter? An irrelephant.
86: What's the best smelling insect? A
deodor-ant.
87: Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a
backflip? I was heels over head!
88: If you see a crime at an Apple Store, does
that make you an iWitness?
89: I'm so good at sleeping, I can do it with my
eyes closed!
90: What did the vet say to the cat? How are you
feline?
91: What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo? A
pouch potato!
92: What do you call a fake noodle?" "An
impasta.
93: What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
94: What do you call a belt made of watches? A
waist of time.
95: What do you call two monkeys that share an
Amazon account? Prime mates.
96: Where do math teachers go on vacation?
Times Square.
97: What's a robot's favorite snack? Computer
chips.
98: Why are piggy banks so wise? They're filled
with common cents.
99: Why is Peter Pan always flying? He
neverlands.
100: How can you tell if a tree is a dogwood tree?
By its bark.
101: Where do young trees go to learn?
Elementree school.
102: Did you hear about the circus fire? It was in
tents.
103: Wanna hear a joke about paper? Never
mind—it's tearable.
104: What's the best way to watch a fly fishing
tournament? Live stream.
105: Don't trust atoms. They make up everything!
106: What’s an astronaut’s favorite part of a
computer? The space bar.
107: Why are elevator jokes so classic and good?
They work on many levels.
108: What did the coffee report to the police? A
mugging.
109: If you need help building an ark, I Noah guy.
110: Do you know how scientists freshen their
breath? With experi-mints!
111: I used to be addicted to the Hokey Pokey,
but I turned myself around.
112: I ate a clock yesterday, it was very
time-consuming.
113: What was the first animal in space? The cow
who jumped over the moon.
114: Why did the pig have ink all over his face?
Because he just came out of the pen.
115: What do rabbits eat for breakfast? IHOP.
116: Where do cows go on Friday nights? To the
moo-vies.
117: How do you keep a bull from charging?
Cancel its credit card.
118: What did the buffalo say when his kid went
to college? Bison.
119: What is a snake's favorite subject?
Hiss-tory.
120: Why are penguins so awkward at parties?
Because they can't break the ice.
121: What do you call a sleeping bull? A
bull-dozer.
122: Why did the student eat his homework?
Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake.
123: Where do pencils come from? Pennsylvania.
124: How did the student feel when he learned
about electricity? Totally shocked.
125: Why do oranges wear sunscreen? So they
don't peel.
