SELF HELP FOR ANGER
Anger is a normal reaction and emotion. It can be very helpful as it motivates us to do
something to right an injustice! It can also lead us into problems. Anger is a result of
thinking that we have been unfairly treated or disrespected, or that others have broken or
fallen short of our rules, standards or expectations, and we won't stand for it.
Thinking this way leads us to feel angry, which stimulates the body's adrenaline response
which is our body's way of helping us to cope with either fighting, or running away ('fight
or flight' response). We respond to those thoughts and feelings, by acting, or feeling an
urge to act, in threatening or aggressive ways.
Thoughts that often occur:
I'm being treated unfairly
I'm being disrespected
They're breaking a rule or standard
I won't stand for it – I must do something about it!
Physical Sensations - The Adrenaline Response
When there is real, or we believe there is a real, threat or danger, or that we have to defend or
stand up for what we believe is right, our bodies' automatic survival mechanism kicks in very
quickly. This helps energise us to fight or run away ('fight or flight response'). We will notice lots of
physical sensations, which might include:
heart racing or pounding - enabling
good blood supply around our bodies shaking
breathing quickly - allowing more hot, sweating
oxygen around the body light-headed
tense muscles - a state of readiness to stomach churning or butterflies
fight or flee
fist or teeth clenching
Behaviours might include:
staring & angry facial expression shouting, snapping at others
aggressive body posture running or storming away
go towards what makes us angry staying silent, inwardly seething
attacking or arguing door slamming, making lots of noise
hitting out (or urge to hit out) sulking or being sarcastic
We all feel angry some times. Anger has
consequences, and they often involve
hurting other people - more usually their
feelings, but sometimes physically. Anger
can cause problems in our personal lives,
and affect work and study. After an
angry outburst, we can think very
critically of ourselves and our actions,
leading us to feel guilty, ashamed and
lower our mood, which might result in our
withdrawing from others, not wanting to
do anything (see depression self help).
Vicious Cogs of Anger
It is helpful to identify what feeds or
keeps our anger going, so that we can
work at making positive and helpful
changes in each of these ‘cogs’ to reduce
the anger and effective deal with
situations in spite of feeling angry.
www.getselfhelp.co.uk/anger.htm www.get.gg
© Carol Vivyan 2009, permission to use for therapy purposes
Example of vicious cycle of Anger
Identify your triggers
What or when are the times
when you are more likely to get
angry? If you can see the
patterns, then you can do
something about those
situations, and do something
different – for a better outcome.
Behind the wheel?
At work?
When stressed?
With certain people?
When you've been
drinking or using other
substances?
What to do when you feel angry
STOPP! Pause, take a breath, don't react automatically (www.getselfhelp.uk/stopp.htm)
Walk away - you can come back and talk later
Ask yourself:
What am I reacting to?
What is it that's really pushing my buttons here?
Am I getting things out of proportion?
How important is this really?
How important will it be in 6 months time?
What harm has actually been done?
Am I expecting something from this person or situation that is unrealistic?
What's the worst (and best) that could happen? What's most likely to happen?
Am I jumping to conclusions about what this person meant? Am I mis-reading between the
lines? Is it possible that they didn't mean that? Is this fact or opinion?
What do I want or need from this person or situation? What do they want or need from me?
Is there a compromise?
What would be the consequences of responding angrily?
Is there another way of dealing with this? What would be the most helpful and effective
action to take? (for me, for the situation, for the other person)
Visualise yourself dealing with the situation in a calm, non-aggressive but assertive way,
respecting the rights and opinions of all others involved.
How to deal with the physical sensations of anger
Counteract the body's adrenaline response - it's readiness for action, by using
that energy healthily.
Practice calming or mindful breathing - this one act alone will help
reduce the physical sensations, emotions and intensity of thoughts.
www.getselfhelp.uk/breathe.htm
Visualisation: Breathe in blue (for calm) and/or green (for balance) and breathe out red.
Go for a walk, run or cycle, or maybe do some gardening or housework.
www.getselfhelp.co.uk/anger.htm www.get.gg
© Carol Vivyan 2009-15, permission to use for therapy purposes
