UNDERSTANDING THE POWER OF INJUNCTIVE MESSAGES
one’s perceived shortcomings or vulnerabilities one’s own needs. Table 5 provides diagnostic
is replaced by a willingness to be known in information for the identity injunctions, and
vulnerability and to learn more about oneself Table 6 shows the self-diagnostic thoughts for
through the eyes of others. A certain adaptive the identity injunctions.
shyness gives way to assertiveness in meeting
Table 5
Diagnostic Table for the Identity Injunctions
The The The Defiant The Coping The The The Parental
Injunctive D espairing D ecision (the B ehavior R edecision R esolving S tance that
M essage D ecision person’s (w hich (the new Activity (a H eals
(w hat the best attem pt stem s from belief) process to
person fears at health) the defiant strengthen
to be the decision) the
truth) redecision)
D on’t Be You S om eone I’ll be perfect T rying to be T here is a C onsciously You are
im portant som eone real person love the gifts precious and
d oe sn ’t lik e im agined, dis- here I never that you (or beautiful: I
me sociating from allowed you others) have love all
certain as- (and/or m e) to hated aspects of
pects of one’s k n ow you
personality
D on’t B e I’m not I’ll be careful S ubm issive, C onflict is a S eeking You m ust
S eparate supposed to to be just passively precious opportunities m ake it easier
have a what you angry, and opportunity to define (not for people to
persona of want (I’ll conflict for learning/ defend) criticize you
m y ow n m ake you avoidant sharing/ oneself (give you
OK) individuating fe ed ba ck )
D on’t B e I’m asham ed I’ll hide in A ppearing I don’t have to R eveal your W hat you
V isible of m e (or m y plain sight suprem ely be asham ed hidden self (in keep hidden
fam ily) confident or of being safety) can harm you
as having no vulnerable
problem s
D on’t (be W hatever I do I won’t m ove C ontrolled by It is not S eek daily to You are not
engaged in seem s wrong until it (the a fear of possible to do som ething here to be
your own life) world) feels future out- rem ove risk that was com fortable
safe com e (always from life by previously but to live
dream ing of a being “frozen” postponed your life
“risk-free” due to anxiety
future)
Table 6
Self-Diagnostic Thoughts for the Identity Injunctions
The Injunctive M essage The Bitter (S elf-D estructive) R esponse The Healing (S elf-P rotective) R esponse
D on’t B e You I fear being exposed as an im poster. I’m fascinated to be discovering m yself,
warts, gifts, and all.
D on’t Be S eparate I feel I exist in the opinions of others and I’m curious to know m y own thoughts and
try m y best to create a pleasing im age. values as opposed to those of others.
D on’t B e V isible O ther people don’t really know m e at all I allow others to see m y private (vulnerable)
(only m y public self). self and know I am worthy of this attention.
D on’t (be engaged in your T here are m any things in life I won’t do C haracteristically, if som ething m ak es m e
own life) (but would like to do). anxious (but is actually safe), I do it.
Vol. 40, No. 2, April 2010 165
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