Legally Blonde

Omigosh You guys (Part 1)

----Oh My Gosh You Guys (Part 2) cue----

Delta Nus: OH MY GOSH, OH MY GOSH YOU GUYS. FASHION CRISIS TO SUPERVISE! NO ONE
SHOULD BE LEFT ALONE TO DRESS AND TO ACCESSORIZE! OH MY GOSH YOU GUYS! OH MY
GOSH! OH MY GOSH! OH MY GOSH! OH MY GOSH!

Elle: IT’S ALMOST THERE, BUT… THIS DRESS NEEDS TO SEAL THE DEAL; MAKE A GROWN MAN
KNEEL; BUT IT CAN’T COME RIGHT OUT AND SAY “BRIDE” CAN’T LOOK LIKE I’M DESPERATE OR
LIKE I’M WAITING FOR IT. I’VE GOTTA LEAVE WARNER HIS PRIDE. SO “BRIDE” IS MORE IMPLIED.

Serena: THERE SHE IS!

Elle: OH MY GOSH! OH MY GOSH YOU GUYS! ALL THIS WEEK I’VE HAD BUTTERFLIES: EVERY
TIME HE LOOKS AT ME IT’S TOTALLY PROPOSAL EYES! OH MY GOSH YOU GUYS! SO HELP ME
DRESS FOR MY FAIRY TALE; CAN’T WEAR SOMETHING I BOUGHT ON SALE.

All: LOVE IS, LIKE, FOREVER! THIS IS NO TIME TO ECONOMIZE! OH MY GOSH YOU GUYS!

Courtney: Oh, blondes make commission so easy. (rips a sales tag off a dress and swoops down on Elle) Excuse
me, have you seen this? It just came in; it’s perfect for a blonde.

Elle: Right, with a half-loop stitch on china silk?

Courtney: Uh huh.

Elle: But the thing is you can’t have a half-loop stitch on china silk. It’ll pucker. And you didn’t just get this in
because I saw it in last May’s Vogue.

Delta Nus: OH MY GOSH! OH MY GOSH YOU GUYS!

Elle: I’m not about to buy last year’s dress at this year’s price.

Delta Nus: ELLE SAW RIGHT THROUGH THAT SALES-GIRL’S LIES.

Elle: It may be perfect for a blonde, but I’m not that blonde. I MAY BE IN LOVE, BUT I’M NOT STUPID, LADY:
I’VE GOT EYES!

Kelly: OH MY GOSH! ELLE WOODS! SORRY, OUR MISTAKE! COURTNEY, TAKE YOUR BREAK. JUST
IGNORE HER SHE HASN’T BEEN WELL…. TRY THIS! LATEST FROM MILAN, GO ON, TRY IT ON! I
TAKE CARE OF MY BEST CLIENTELE. IT’S A GIFT FROM ME TO ELLE!

Delta Nus: (under Elle’s singing) AH! AH! AH! AH!

Elle: OH MY GOSH! OH MY GOSH YOU GUYS! THIS ONE’S PERFECT! AND IT’S JUST MY SIZE! SEE?
DREAMS REALLY DO COME TRUE. YOU NEVER HAVE TO COMPROMISE. OH MY GOSH!

Delta Nus: OH MY GOSH! OH MY GOSH YOU GUYS! LET’S GO HOME BEFORE SOMEONE CRIES! IF
THERE EVER WAS A PERFECT COUPLE THIS ONE QUALIFIES! CAUSE WE LOVE YOU GUYS!

Elle: NO I LOVE YOU GUYS!

Delta Nus: OH MY GOSH!

Elle: OH MY GOSH

All: OH MY GOSH! YOU GUYS! OH MY GOSH!

(Warner Huntington III and Elle are in an outdoor courtyard restaurant)

Elle: Oh, Warner. Tonight’s just perfect.

Warner: No, you’re perfect.

Elle: No, you are.

Warner: No, YOU are.

Elle: No, you.

Warner: No, you.

Elle: You.

Warner: You.

Elle: You. Okay. I’m even irritating myself.

----Serious (part 1) cue----

Warner: I did talk to my parents about it Pooh Bear, but… they expect a lot from me. I’m going to Harvard Law
School, and my brother’s at Yale Law-- so’s his new wife.

Elle: Oh, so i’m not good enough for you? Warner, I’m from Malibu! Richard Simmons is our neighbor! What does
that mean, I’m not serious--? But I am seriously in love with you.

---Serious (Part 2) cue---

Warner: BABY, MY FUTURE’S ALL PLANNED. I’VE GOT SOME DREAMS TO MAKE TRUE. I THOUGHT
THAT YOU’D UNDERSTAND: IT’S TIME TO GET SERIOUS… TIME TO GET SERIOUS… (Elle leaves)
CHECK PLEASE.

---Daughter of Delta Nu cue---

Delta Nus: DAUGHTER OF DELTA NU. SWEETHEART, IT’S BEEN TWELVE DAYS! PLEASE LET US
HELP YOU THROUGH!

Margot: (picking up a discarded wrapper) GASP! SHE’S EATING MILKY WAYS!

Delta Nus: AAGH!

Serena: Tell me those are fun-sized. (Elle comes out of her rooms)

Elle: Girls, must we all descend into madness?

Pilar: Oh, honey so good to see you… Look! We brought you new magazines. We’ve got Town and Country and
your favorite, the one they named after you, Elle magazine. (The Delta Nus surround Elle and try to cheer her up)

Elle: Thanks, Pilar. But it’s gonna take more than Elle and Town and Country to bring me back from my shame
spiral.

Margot: Well then sweetie, you’re just gonna hafta hold on ‘cause the new Vogue’s not out ‘til next week. (Elle flips
open Town and Country then screams)
Serena: What? Don’t tell me ponchos are back in. (Elle jerks to attention, holds up the magazine)

Elle: No, worse! It’s Warner’s brother-- Peyton Huntington and his bride! Pictures from his wedding! Look!

Jocelyn: Muffy Vanderbilt?!

Delta Nus: Muffy?!

Elle: Wait a sec! That’s the kind of girl Warner wants! Someone serious!

---What You Want (Part 1) cue---

(girls squeal and hug as music becomes collegiate and we got to Admissions Office of Harvard Law School with
tweedy Harvard admissions officers)

Ruth: So, Harvard Law grants acceptance to Anna Cohen and Sundeep Padamadan.

Lynn: Outstanding.

Ruth: And now “Ms. Elle Woods.”.... Who was kind enough to send in.. a head shot.

Mary: It says here she has a 4.0 average.

Ruth: Yes, in fashion merchandising.

Lyyn: And she got a 175 on her LSATs…

Mary: There’s also a letter of recommendation from Oprah Winfrey.

Ruth: I’m not arguing Ms. Woods is entirely unqualified, but she didn’t bother sending in a personal essay…

Pilar: How’s this for a personal essay?!

Lynn: GOODNESS ME!

Ruth: SECURITY!

Mary: Who are you?

Elle: I’M WHAT YOU WANT. HARVARD!

Ruth: Now. SEE HERE, Ms. Woods! You can’t just barge in here! This is a very flashy presentation, but I still don’t
see one reason to admit you.

---What You Want Part 3 cue---

Elle: HOW ABOUT… LOVE? YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE? CAUSE IF YOU HAVE, YOU’LL KNOW THAT
LOVE NEVER ACCEPTS A DEFEAT. NO CHALLENGE IT CAN’T MEET. NO PLACE IT CANNOT GO.
DON’T SAY NO TO A WOMAN IN LOVE! DON’T LAUGH WHEN I SAY LOVE, DON’T THINK THAT I’M
NAIVE. BECAUSE EVEN A PERSON WHO’S SMART CAN LISTEN TO THEIR HEART, CAN LISTEN AND
BELIEVE! SO BELIEVE IN WHAT LOVE CAN ACHIEVE!

Chorus: DO YOU BELIEVE?

Mary: I DO!

Chorus: DO YOU BELIEVE?

Lynn: ME TOO!
All except Ruth: YES WE BELIEVE IN LOVE HOW BOUT YOU!

Ruth: Welcome to Harvard!

All: WHOO HOO!

Group 2: WHAT YOU WANT! WHAT YOU WANT! WHAT YOU WANT IT’S RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU!
FRONT OF YOU! WHAT YOU WANT! WHAT YOU WANT! WHAT YOU WANT IS RIGHT IN FRONT OF
YOU! FRONT OF YOU!

Group 1: NOW WE’RE SET! LET’S GO GET… IT’S RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU! FRONT OF YOU! NOW
WE’RE DONE! WITH STEP ONE! IS RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU! FRONT OF YOU!

All: WHAT YOU WANT! WHAT YOU WANT! WHAT YOU WANT! WHAT YOU WANT!

---What you want (playoff) cue---

Scene Four

Emmett: Hello, I’m Emmett Forrest. Class of aught five. Represent. Welcome to the hallowed halls of Harvard
Law. I know firsthand how hard you’ve all worked to be here today, so let’s go around and share a bit about
yourselves.

Ana Shultz: Ana Schultz. I won a Fulbright and a Rhodes and became fabulously wealthy writing financial
software code. But spending my money grew painfully insipid and stale, so now I’m here at Harvard Law.

Emmett: Well that’s--

Padamadan: Sundeep Agrawal Padamadan. In my country I was a benevolent dictator, until the coup d’etat. Now I
am studying at Harvard Law until my inevitable return. And you may call me “Your Majesty”.

Emmett: Pleased to--

Enid: Enid Hoopes. I did the Peace Corps, building family clinics by hand out of mud and trees. It was hot and
exhausting and I love every minute of it. But Harvard Law needs me more. Because we need more women in power
fight the oppressive, patriarchal -- (Ellle sunnily enters the room)

Elle: I love your top! It’s so fatigue chic. So how psyched are you guys? Snaps, our first day at Harvard law.
(silence) Hi. I’m Elle Woods. And this is Bruiser Woods.

Enid: (grudgingly) Enid.

Elle: Oh my God, we both have names that start with an E!

Enid: (sarcastically) Oh my god, we’re like, practically twins! (other students laugh)

Emmett: (coming to rescue) We’re just going around the room… tell us something about yourself.

Elle: Me? Okay. So I’m a Gemini with a double Capricorn moon and I have a bachelor’s degree from UCLA where
I was Sig Ep Sweetheart, president of Delta Nu Sorority, and founded the charity Shop for a Cause.

Emmet: (encouragingly; a good section leader) Huh. I don’t think dogs are exactly allowed in class.

Elle: Oh, Bruiser’s not a dog. He’s family. (Warner enters followed by Vivienne and her friend Caroline)

Warner: ELLE?!

Elle: Oh my gosh, Warner! I totally forgot you go here!

Warner: What are you doing here?

Elle: I go here.

Warner: You got into Harvard?

Elle: What? Like it’s hard?

Emmett: I think this is yours. (reading) Woods, comma, Elle…

Elle: Is this my social agenda?

Emmett: No, your academic roster.

Elle: Right. There’s that. (to Warner) Let’s totally catch up after class. (Elle is about to take her seat when Vivienne
sees her)

Vivienne: All that pink you’re wearing. Is that even legal?

Elle: Pink’s my signature color.

Vivienne: So I gathered.

Emmett: Callahan should be here any second. Three years ago I was sitting right where you’re sitting and I’d heard
the same rumors I’m sure you’ve heard too. Callahan’s ruthless. What you really need to know is-- (Emmett falls
silent as Callahan enters)

Callahan: --You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be used against you. (The class sits up
straight to listen) When you choose a career in law, you’re bound to hear that “a lawyer is a shark”. Ignore that. It’s
simplistic. Only some of you will turn out sharks. The rest… are chum. (no reaction from the class) What’s my
point? I’ll tell you. From this class I will hire four young sharks to work at my billion-dollar law firm. As interns.
For me. Virtually guaranteeing a career. Provided you can can survive. (Callahan notices Elle) Now Ms….?

Elle: Woods. Elle Woods.

Callahan: Someone’s had their morning coffee. Would you summarize the case of State of Indiana v. Hearne from
your reading, please.

Elle: Okay, who assigns reading for the first day of class? (some of the class laughs. Callahan turns slowly)

Callahan: You have guts, Ms. Woods. Ms. Kensington?

Vivienne: Yes.

Callahan: Let’s say you teach a class at Harvard Law school and a girl on whom you call hasn’t done the assigned
reating. Should you let it go, or---

Vivienne: I’d throw her out!

----The Harvard Variations cue----

Scene Five

(Elle, kicked out of class, walks into the day, stunned. Emmett goes after her)

Emmett: Hey, Woods-comma-Elle! Listen, I was kicked out of class once first year, too. It’s awful, but trust me;
you law career is NOT over.
Elle: Law career? So not the problem. Listen, I need to get back into class with Warner. (Vivienne walks out of the
classroom, overhears)

Emmett: Then come back tomorrow and make sure you’ve done your reading.

Warner: Hey!--

Elle: Warner! I’m glad you’re here.

Warner: Elle, I’m so sorry---

Elle: Sorry about what?

Vivienne: Warner, is there something you’d like to share with Elle?

Elle: Do you know her?

Warner: Yeah… Elle, Vivienne and I went to boarding school together… and she’s my girlfriend now.

Elle: I’m sorry. What did you say?

Vivienne: He said I’m his girlfriend.

Elle: GIRLFRIEND?!

Scene Six

(Ellle is sitting in a salon chair at the Hair Affair)

Paulette: Hey there! Welcome to the Hair Affair.

Elle: Make me a brunette!

Paulette: What? Brunette? Honey-- you’re a genetic lotto win! Alright, something else is going on here. Back up.
Paulette’s listening. Spill.

Elle: Okay. I’m Elle Woods, and I came all the way out for Harvard law school--

Paulette: That’s a good shool!

Elle: I know, right? And I did it to follow my one true love Warner out here and now he’s…. He’s daing this evil
preppie.

Paulette: So what’s she got that you don’t got?

Elle: Shes--- “serious” with mousy brown hair. Apparently that’s what Warner wants. So, you have the make me a
brunette.

Paulette: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Do you know the number one reason behind all Bad Hair Deicisons?

----Ireland cue----

Paulette: It’s days like today I miss my dog Rufus the most. He’s my angel….

Elle: Beyond adorable. And no woman should be denied her dog.

Paulette: Tell me something I don’t know. (Paulette pulls herself together as Vivienne and her friends enter, talking
amongst themselves)
Vivienne: So I’ll bring the lobster potstickers.

Whitney: Perfect. Now that’s a party. (Vivienne stops in her tracks when she sees Elle. Elle can’t help but perk up
and be hopeful at the mention of ‘party’)

Elle: There’s a party? (Sees Vivienne) Oh. Hello, Vivienne.

Vivienne: Hello, Elle. Next Friday night a few people are getting together…

Paulette: Hey, maybe that guy you like’ll be there, Elle. You should go!

Vivienne: Definitely come. It’s a costume party.

Elle: I love costume parties!

Vivienne: Of course you do…. Next Friday at eight, 243 Mass Ave. See you there.

Elle: Thanks, Vivienne. (Vivienne, Caroline, and Whitney exit)

Paulette: Now go and do this honey. ‘Cause if a girl like you can’t win back your man, there is no hope for the rest
of us.

Elle: Thank you for talking me off the ledge, Paulette! You have no idea how much I needed this! (they hug)

Paulette: You go out there and you fight for him!

-----Harvard party music cue----

Scene Seven

Vivienne: You do know that Whitney’s father is next in line to be Speaker of the House?

Warner: So you’ve said.

Vivienne: Just think of it: Future presidents may be in this very room.

Warner: Great. (Elle enters in costume and realizes she’s been tricked)

Enid: Whoa.

Whitney: Oh my gosh.

Elle: (holds head up high and searches for Warner) Hi, stranger.

Warner: Elle! Man!... What’s with the costume?

Elle: Can’t a girl shake things up?

Warner: I still can’t get over the fact that you’re here at Harvard…

Elle: Warner, I got into this school, too. And now we’re here together, studying law. Maybe we’ll both get
Callahan’s internship, and work together…

Warner: Whoa, wait a second. Elle. You don’t actually believe you have a chance of getting the internship?

Elle: Of course?

Vivienne: Elle. You’re looking….fluffy. As usual.

Elle: Hello, Vivienne.

Warner: Pooh B-- Elle… you have to ace his course to get that internship and he’s not called “C-minus Callahan”
for nothing.

Elle: Warner, i’m completely cognizant of both of those facts.

Vivienne: You’re not going to make it through the semester, let alone get Callahan’s internship. Face it, bunny:
Someday, we’ll nominate Supreme Court justices… and you’ll… tan.

Elle: Well, Vivienne, thanks for the great tip on the costume party. I like your costume. Although when I dress like a
snobby mean girl, I try to look less constipated. (she exits)

----Chip on my shoulder (part 1) cue----

Scene Eight

(As Elle walks away she passes Emmett outside)

Emmett: Who, Elle… What’s up, Doc?

Elle: LOVE

Emmet: EXCUSE ME?

Elle: I PUT MY FAITH IN LOVE. I FOLLOWED WHERE IT LED…

Emmet: LOVE LED YOU HERE? WAIT, GO BACK. YOU CAME OUT HERE TO FOLLOW A MAN.
HARVARD LAW WAS JUST PART OF THAT PLAN. MAN, WHAT RICH ROMANTIC PLANET ARE YOU
FROM?

Elle: MALIBU?

Emmett: INSTEAD OF LYING OUTSIDE BY THE POOL, YOU STALKED SOME GUY TO AN IVY LEAGUE
SCHOOL. THAT’S THE WEIRDEST REASON I…

Elle: WELL, WHY’D YOU COME?

Emmet: OKAY. I GREW UP IN THE ROXBURY SLUMS. WITH MY MOM AND A SERIES OF BUMS. GUYS
WHO SHOWED ME ALL THE WAYS A MAN CAN FAIL. I GOT THROUGH HARVARD, I WORKED LIKE A
FOOL. WORKED TWO JOBS IN ADDITION TO SCHOOL. SO FORGIVE ME FOR NOT WEEPING AT YOUR
TALE.

Elle: Excuse me! Just because you’ve got some kind of chip on your shoulder--

Emmett: You know what? You’re right. THERE’S A CHIP ON MY SHOULDER, AND IT’S BIG AS A
BOULDER. WITH THE CHANCE I’VE BEEN GIVEN, I’M GOTTA BE DRIVEN TO EXCEL. I’M SO CLOSE I
CAN TASTE IT, SO I’M NOT GOING TO WASTE IT. YEAH THERE’S A CHIP ON MY SHOULDER; YOU
MIGHT WANT TO GET ONE AS WELL.

Elle: I’m sorry, but that sounds highly negative.

Emmett: Hey, I’m just being honest. When you weren’t born into privilege, you gotta work twice as hard.

Elle: Wait. Two jobs plus law school?

Emmett: I haven’t slept in six years!

Elle: So I just need to prove to everyone that I’m serious.

Emmett: What you need to do is get to work. (Elle and Emmett head off to study, the Chorus crosses and time
passes to Thanksgiving Break)

Chorus: TIS A GIFT TO BE SIMPLE, TIS A GIFT TO BE FREE. MM MM MM MM…..(Emmett sits patiently
with a law book as Elle waves out the door)

Elle: Bye, Warner! Have a great Thanksgiving! So “hi” to your mom and dad more me! And Grandma Bootsie!

Emmett: Define malum prohibitum.

Elle: Malum prohibitum is

Emmett: An act prohibited by…

Elle: Prohibited by law! Like jaywalking! Or chewing gum in Singapore!

Emmett: Therefore, Malum in se…

Elle: Is an action that’s evil in itself! Assault, murder, white shoes after Labor Day...

Emmett: Good. (noticing her packing) Where are you going?

Elle: Home, of course. Thanksgiving Break, remember?

Emmett: Interesting…

Elle: What?

Emmett: Well… I PREDICT YOU WILL PROBABLY PASS.

Elle: YES!

Emmett: IN THE BOTTOM PERCENT OF YOUR CLASS.

Elle: WHAT?

Emmett: IF YOU’RE GOING FOR MEDIOCRE, YOU’VE DONE GREAT.

Elle: THAT’S NOT FAIR!

Emmett: LOOK THEY LAUGHED AT ME LIKE THEY’RE LAUGHING AT YOU; WE CAN’T WIN IF WE
DON’T FOLLOW THROUGH! MIGHT I VENTURE YOUR VACATION PLANS CAN WAIT?

Elle: Why do you always have to be right? (Elle takes off her coat and returns to work. Time passes to Christmas
break)

Chorus: GLOOOOORIA! IN EXCELSIS DE-E-E-O

Emmett: For you. Not quite as good as going home for Christmas, but…

Elle: You are too sweet!

Emmett: It’s a real time saver! It’s shampoo and conditioner in one!

Elle: (horrified) Aaaaaagggghh! (they laugh) Thank you. You are so adorable to think of me. (Warner passes by the
open door)

Warner: Elle. Hey. Have you seen Viv? I’ve been looking everywhere for her…
Elle: Yeah…. I mean no.

Warner: Great. We’re gonna miss our flight….

-----Chip on my shoulder (part 2) cue-----

Emmet: Um, Elle?... I DON’T KNOW IF YOU’VE NOTICED BEFORE, BUT EACH TIME WARNER WALKS
THROUGH THE DOOR, YOUR IQ GOES DOWN TO FORTY, MAYBE LESS.

Elle: HUH?

Emmett: THOUGH IT’S HARDLY MY BUSINESS TO SAY, COULD IT BE, THE REAL THING IN YOUR
WAY, IS THE VERY GUY YOU’RE TRYING TO IMPRESS.

Elle: YES! I’VE BEEN SMILING AND SWEET AND THOROUGHLY BEATEN, BLOWING MY CHANCE!
LET’S NOT CHASE HIM AWAY, LET’S FACE HIM AND SAY, “HEY PUNK, LET’S DANCE!”

Chorus: AH, AH, AH, AH, AH, AH DAUGHTER OF DELTA NU! SHOW ‘EM THAT YOU’RE NO FOOL.
DAUGHTER OF DELTA NU! GO BACK TO SCHOOL WITH A BIG CHIP ON YOUR SHOULDER.

(back in Callahan’s class)

Callahan: Plaintiff ordered a princess party and got pirates instead. (Elle gasps at the horror)

Warner: Breach of contract. There was no meeting of the minds. They don’t have to pay.

Callahan: Now you’re thinking like a lawyer. (Elle timidly raises her hand) Yes, Ms. Woods?

Elle: While Mr. Huntington makes an excellent point, I just have to ask… did the kids actually see the pirates?

Callahan: The mother shut it down during the opening number-- there were parrots and peglegs, but not a princess
in sight.

Elle: Contracts can be express or implied. Baltimore and Ohio Railraod v. Us., 1923. Once the pirates began their
show, even for a second, the contract was, in fact implied. Pirate parties are tragic, but the mother has to pay.

Callahan: Ms. Woods, you just won your case.

----Chip on my shoulder (part 3) cue----

Elle: Oh my gosh!

Callahan: I assumed you’re applying for my internship. Do you have a resume?

Elle: Here you go and thanks in advance for your consideration.

Callahan: Dear God, it’s scented.

Emmet: SHE WAS SOMETHING TO SEE THERE; I’M JUST HAPPY I COULD BE THERE! FIRST BIG TEST
AND SHE ACED IT! SHE’S SO CLOSE SHE CAN TASTE IT!

All: SHE GOT A CHIP ON HER SHOULDER. GUESS YOU NEVER CAN TELL WITH LITTLE MISS WOODS
COMMA ELLE!

-----chip on my shoulder playoff cue----

Scene Nine

(outside of Paullette’s former residence, Elle enters with Paulette and Emmett)
Elle: Paulette, are you ready?

Paulette: I don’t know, Elle. Dewey scares me.

Elle: Channel that fear and tell yourself you are a strong independent woman. You must be reunited with your dog.
(Dewey enters and sees Paulette)

Dewey: Paulette, get offa my property!

Paulette: I wanna see my dog, Dewey! I bet you didn’t even know it’s his birthday today.

Dewey: Well, you can’t see him! Best decision I ever made? Throwin’ you out! (Dewey begins to leave)

Paulette: Can you believe I lived with that for ten years? That cheap-skate never even got me a ring!

Elle: They lived together for ten years--- (Emboldened, Elle crosses to Dewey)

Dewey: Now what?

Elle: Mr…. Dewey, we are Ms. Buonofuonte’s legal team.

Dewey: (nervous) Lawyers?

Elle: I don’t think you understand that the great Commonwealth of Massachusetts recognizes your ten-year
relationship with Ms. Buonofuonte as a common-law marriage, which entitles her to equitable division of property.

Dewey: Huh?

Elle: Translation: (looks to Paulette)

Paulette: We’re taking the dog!

-----run rufus run/elle reflects cue----

Paulette: Oh, Elle, this is the nicest thing anybody’s ever done for me, bar none. Oh Rufus, my angel! (Paulette
runs off to get Rufus)

Elle: WAIT… WAS THAT LAW? IS THIS THE POINT OF LAW? I’M FEELING KIND OF… HIGH

Emmet: YOU OKAY?

Elle: THIS IS WHY WE ALL STUDY AND SLOG; TO HELP THE UNDERDOG! I SO IDENTIFY! THAT’S
WHY I…

SunDeep: Hey, guys! Callahan got a big murder trial defending exercise queen Brooke Wyndham and needs extra
help. He’s posting his internship today! (everyone chatters, excited)

Callahan: Ladies and gentlemen, I need the best and the brightest. Congrats to the choice few. And as for the rest of
you, welcome to the middle. Emmett, I’m making you my co-counsel on this Wyndham trial. Prove yourself here
and the term “Associate” isn’t far off.

Emmett: Yes, sir! (Callahan slaps the list on the wall)

Elle: Emmett, that’s so great! I’m so proud of you!

Enid: Yes! Score!

Ana: I got it!

Vivienne: Oh, Warner! We got Callahan’s internship!

Warner: What?

Vivienne: Just like we planned!

Warner: Babe, this is just the beginning. It’s perfect! Make this the happiest day of my life. Marry me?!

Vivienne: Yes!

-----So much better cue---

Elle: ALL OF THIS TIME I PLANNED, I’D BE PATIENT AND YOU WOULD LOVE ME AGAIN. YOU’D
COME TO RESPECT MY MIND AND AT LAST YOU’D FIND YOU COULD LOVE ME AGAIN. AND I
HAVE TURNED MY WHOLE WORLD UPSIDE DOWN TRYING NOT TO LET YOU GO. WATCHING YOU
WALK AWAY IS LIKE A FATAL BLOW.(Emmett taps her on her shoulder) WHAT? (points to list) WOAH! IS
THAT MY NAME UP ON THAT LIST? DOES SOMEONE KNOW THAT I EXIST. IS THIS A MISTAKE? AM I
EVEN AWAKE? PINCH ME NOW TO MAKE SURE! OW! YES! THAT IS MY NAME IN BLACK AND
WHITE! MAYBE I’M DOING SOMETHING RIGHT. WOW, I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER THAN BEFORE!

Chorus: GUESS SHE’S SO MUCH BETTER THAN BEFORE. YES SHE’S SO MUCH BETTER THAN
BEFORE!

Elle: MAYBE SHE’S WHAT YOU PREFER, BUT HEY, LAST YEAR I WAS HER. MAYBE YOU WILL
CHANGE YOUR MIND, BUT YOU MIGHT LOOK UP TO FIND. I’VE GONE ON TO BETTER THINGS:
BETTER JOBS AND BIGGER RINGS. I DON’T HAVE THE TIME TO CRY I’M TOO BUSY LOVIN’ MY
NAME UP ON THAT LIST! KIND OF A COOL IRONC TWIST!

Chorus: (with Elle above) MY NAME UP! ON THAT LIST KIND OF A COOL IRONIC TWIST!

Elle: WHO ELSE CAN I TELL? OOH,WAIT! WHERE’S MY CELL? MOM WILL FALL ON THE FLOOR!

All: AH! HEY MOM! LOOK AT MY NAME IN BLACK AND WHITE! YOUR DAUGHTER’S DOING
SOMETHING RIGHT! AND I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER! I’LL BE THERE ON MONDAY NINE O’CLOCK.
THEN WE WILL SEE WHO WALKS THE WALK.

Elle: NO, NO I CAN’T WAIT! I WILL BE THERE AT EIGHT! WHEN THEY UNLOCK THE DOOR…

All: OH! OH! I’LL EVEN DRESS IN BLACK AND WHITE! SEE, I HAVE NOT BEGUN TO FIGHT!

Elle: AND YOU’LL GO… MUCH BETTER! MUCH BETTER! AND SOON ALL Y’ALL GONNA KNOW!
THAT I AM SO MUCH BETTER…. I AM SO MUCH BETTER…. I AM SO MUCH BETTER THAN BEFORE!

All: (with Elle above) WHOA! HELLO! AND SOON ALL Y’ALL GONNA KNOW MUCH BETTER!I AM SO
MUCH BETTER. I AM SO MUCH BETTER I AM SO MUCH BETTER THAN BEFORE! AH AH AH!

Scene Ten

----whipped into shape cue----

Prison Guard: Wyndham! You’ve got some visitors!

Emmett: Hi, Ms. Wyndham. I’m Emmett Forest. These four interns are the cream of the crop at Harvard Law and
we’re here to “whip up” your legal defense. Anywho, we want to free you as soon as possible, so you can bring your
message back to your fans.

Brooke: That’s all I want… This should be easy.

Emmett: Great. Callahan briefed me on your meeting and there is a significant amount of evidence against you. To
free you, the jury will need to hear an alibi.

Brooke: Not gonna happen.

Elle: Even though it could save you?

Brooke: Yep. Put me on the stand and I’ll be forced to lie.

Warner: Okay Ms. Wyndham, if we can’t hear an alibi you should accept a plea bargain.

Brooke: And admit to something I didn’t do?

Vivienne: But with a plea bargain, you’d get out in a couple years.

Enid: That sounds reasonable, right?

Brooke: Reasonable to do time for my husband’s killer? Not really. I need a defense team who know I’m innocent.
Get out of here, all of you. Guard!

-----Delta Nu Nu Nu cue-----

(This number is sung a cappella. Interns file out, Elle stops and sings)

Elle: WHO WHO IS THE GIRL WITH LOYAL FRIENDS AND TRUE (SNAP SNAP)

Brooke: WHO WHO? (SNAP SNAP)

Elle: WHO HAS A BOND AS STRONG AS KRAZY GLUE? (SNAP SNAP)

Brooke: WHO WHO? (SNAP SNAP)

Elle: WHO CAN SOUND THE CALL AND SISTERS ALL COME THROUGH? (SNAP)

Both: WHO? (SNAP) WHO! (SNAP SNAP) DELTA NU NU NU! DELTA NU NU NU! YOU ARE A DELTA NU!
(SNAP SNAP) DELTA NU NU NU! DELTA NU NU NU! YOU ARE A DELTA NU! (SNAP SNAP)

Elle: Delta Nu’s former UCLA President, Elle Woods!

Brooke: Shut up!

Elle: Oh yeah!

Brooke: That’s so great! Thank God someone on this legal team gets me!

Elle: Sisterhood’s forever. I believe you. And I will fight with everything I have to clear your good name. But that
involves an alibi.

Brooke: I can’t tell it.

Elle: Everyone has their secrets. For years, I denied my highlights.

Brooke: It’s beyond highlights, Elle. My secret is nuclear and if it gets out, I could lose my fitness empire, which
means everything to me. If I tell you…. Will you Delta Nu Sister Swear not to tell anyone?

Elle: I will Double Delta Nu Sister Swear.

Brooke: Okay. On the day my husband was killed, I had…. (Brooke looks to the prison guard in earshot and
whispers) Lipo…
Elle: What?

Brooke: (again, quiet) Lipo….

Elle: Brooke, you’re going to have to speak up, I can’t --

Brooke: LIPOSUCTION! MINIMALLY INVASIVE, OUTPATIENT LIP, BUT LIPO!

Elle: Oh my gosh!

Prison Guard: Ms. Wyndham, your time is up.

Brooke: I had to do it.

Elle: Your secret is safe with me.

Brooke: My fans are counting on me, I can’t let them down. You gotta take care of me, Elle. You swore!

Emmett: Elle, there you are.

Elle: I got her alibi.

Callahan: You’re kidding. So. What is it?

Elle: I’m afraid I can’t tell you.

Callahan: Why not?

Elle: I Double Delta Nu Sister Swore not to.

Vivienne: Elle, this is not some little sorority thing….

Elle: Oh, I know. It’s a big sorority thing. But don’t worry : Brooke really had nothing to do with this. Think about
it: Brooke’s a fitness queen. Exercise gives you endorphins, and endorphins make you happy. Happy people just
don’t kill people.

Callahan: Emmett-- a word.

Vivienne: Elle, if you don’t give up this alibi, we will ALL lose this case.

Elle: Then I guess we’re not very good lawyers.

Warner: Listen, Pooh Bear-- Elle. Callahan wants that alibi.

Elle: But I gave Brooke my word.

Callahan: Emmett, let me be very clear. This is your chance, and I gave you simple instructions-- lead this legal
team and get me an alibi. You’re zero for two. (Callahan and emmett approach the remaining interns) Everyone,
field trip’s over. Let’s go. Back to work. Except you two. I’d rather not see “Ratty Corduroy” or “Legally Blonde”
again today. (Emmett and Elle are left alone)

Elle: Emmett, I’m sorry--

Emmett: I don’t need you to be sorry. I need you to tell me the alibi.

Elle: I can’t because I gave Brooke my word. Having an alibi isn’t the only way to win this case.

Emmett: No, but it sure would help.

Elle: We’ll free Brooke the right way. The noble way.

Emmett: This isn’t a Lifetime Original Movie, Elle. I’m not interested in nobility right now. I’m more interested in
saving Brooke’s life.

Elle: No you’re not. You’re more interested in impressing Callahan.

Emmett: Well, he is my boss. And if I impress him he’ll make me associate.

Elle: And jeopardize your client’s trust and our integrity?

Emmett: Why do you always have to be right?

Elle: I don’t have to be… when I’m with you, I just am.

-----Off to the salon cue-----

Scene Eleven

(The Hair Affair. Where Elle gets a manicure from Paulette)

Paulette: There. Now you’re ready for your big trial. You sure you don’t want me to pain little gavels on ‘em for
ya? When the jury people see those nails, they’ll know they can trust ya.

Elle: Which is more than my team is doing. They’re all over me to give up Brooke’s alibi.

Paulette: Including your “friend” Emmett?

Elle: Paulette, he’s just my friend.

Paulette: Right. And I could use a friend like that.

----Kyle the magnificent part 1 cue-----

Kyle: I’ve got a package… For Miss Paulette Buonufonte. (Paulette goes limp at the sight of him and raises a weak
hand) The name’s Kyle. This is my new route and the first stop of the day. Kinda cool karma huh? (Elle grabs the
stylus and signs for Paulette) Alrighty, then. Do me a favor? You have yourself a super day.

----Kyle the magnificent part 2 cue----

(Paulette nods awkwardly as Kyle saunters out of the salon.)

Elle: So talk to him already. (Elle hands the stylus to Paulette)

Paulette: Right. I can’t talk to guys like that. I’m not like you… I got nothing to offer. (Paulette rops the stylus)

-----The Bend cue----

(Paulette bends over to pick up the stylus and straightens: Snap!

Kiki: Oh my God!

Janette: Did you see that?

Amanda: She’s got the most perfect Bend and Snap I’ve ever seen!

Paulette: What are you talkin’ about… Bend and Snap…?

Elle: The….
-----And snap plays-----

Elle: BEND AND SNAP! (girls react, ad-lib) It’s a move invented by UCLA cheerleaders.

Paulette: Cheerleaders scare me!

Kiki: You must become the cheerleader you fear.

-----Bend and Snap cue----

Kiki: LOOK AT MY HAIR LOOK AT MY EYES! I’M CATNIP TO THE GYS. I CATCH THEIR EYES, THEY
DROOL AND PANT. WANNA TOUCH THIS, BUT THEY CAN’T!

All: NO!

Kiki: ALL THE BOYS WANNA COME AND PLACE. SNAP MY FINGERS AND THEY OBEY. WHY DO
THEY FOLLOW ME ‘ROUND ALL DAY? WATCH ME WHILE I WALK AWAY:

All: I BEND AND SNAP!

Amanda: FEEL HOW HOT IT’S GETTIN?

All: BEND AND SNAP!

Janette: THEN WHEN YOU’VE GOT ‘EM SWEATIN

All: SPRING THE TRAP! THEY CHEER AND CLAP! NO TIGHT END CAN DEFEND ‘GAINST THE BEND
AND SNAP!

Paulette: Oh that’s easy for you to say.

Amanda: And you! GIRL IF YOU WANNA MAKE THE TEAM, THEN FAKE SOME SELF ESTEEM!

Janette: THE MORE YOU JUMP AROUND AND SCREAM, THE MORE CONFIDENT YOU SEEM!

Paulette: SORRY GIRLS, THAT AIN’T HOW I PLAY. THIS WOULDN’T WORK IF I TRIED ALL DAY. I
GOTTA GO GET MY ASTHMA SPRAY. WATCH ME WHILE I WALK AWAY.

Kiki: NO WAIT! BEFORE YOU WALK AWAY JUST…

All: BEND AND SNAP

Paulette: OW!

Amanda: LOOK HOW GOOD YOU’RE GETTIN!

All: BEND AND SNAP!

Janette: I BET RIGHT NOW YOU’RE SWEATIN!

All: SPRING THE TRAP! THEY’LL CHEER AND CLAP! SO DEPEND ON YOUR FRIEND CALLED THE
BEND AND

Elle: It’s not the time to overthink. Just try it once, you’re on the brink!

Gertrude: Excuse me, would you teach me that? I’m tired of living alone with my cat.

Elle: Sure!
Kiki: NOWADAYS I DO DYE JOBS AND CURLS, BUT HERE’S HOW WE DID IT IN THE LAKER GIRLS

Janette: COME ON PAULETTE? DOESN’T THIS LOOK FUN!

Amanda: WORKS EVERY TIME!

All: LOOK DO IT AND WE’LL GO AWAY!

Paulette: OK OK OK OK I BEND AND SNAP! NOW LOOK HOW HOT IT’S GETTIN! BEND AND SNAP I
BET RIGHT NOW YOU’RE SWEATIN!

All: SPRING THE TRAP THEY CHEER AND CLAP!

Paulette: I DEPEND ON MY FRIEND..

All: GO PAULETTE! GO PAULETTE!

Paulette: I DEPEND ON MY FRIEND..

All: GO GO GO PAULETTE!

All: I DEPEND ON MY FRIEND CALLED THE BEND…

Paulette: Kyle!

Kyle: Hey, Paulette, did I leave my stylus?

Elle: Do it!

All: AND SNAP!

Kyle: Ow!

Paulette: Oh! Sorry!

----Legally Blonde cue----

Elle: TAKE BACK THE BOOKS AND PACK UP THE CLOTHES. CLEAR OUT THE ROOM AND DROP OFF
THE KEY. LEAVE WITH WHAT’S LEFT OF MY DIGNITY. GET IN THE CAR AND JUST GO. CHALK IT
ALL UP TO EXPERIENCE. THEY SAID I’D FAIL AND I DISAGREED. WHO COULD SAY THEN WHERE
MY PATH WOULD LEAD? WELL, NOW I KNOW. BACK TO THE SUN, BACK THE SHORE, BACK TO
WHERE I WAS BEFORE. BACK WHERE I’M KNOWN, BACK IN MY OWN VERY SMALL POND. LAUGH
WITH MY FRIENDS WHEN I ARRIVE WE’LL DROP THE TOP AND JUST DRIVE. THAT’S FINE WITH ME,
JUST LET ME BE LEGALLY BLONDE.

Emmett: What’s wrong?

Elle: Callahan tried to kiss me.

Emmett: He what?

Elle: Then he fired me. He made it very clear I don’t belong.

Emmett: He’s wrong. We’ll fix it. We’ll fight it…

Elle: Emmett, please… There’s no reason for me to stay.

Emmett: WHAT ABOUT LOVE? I NEVER MENTIONED LOVE. THE TIMING’S BAD, I KNOW. BUT
PERHAPS IF I’D BAD IT MORE CLEAR THAT YOU BELONG RIGHT HERE YOU WOULDN’T HAVE TO
GO.

Elle: IT’S NOT UP TO ME JUST LET ME BE LEGALLY BLONDE

Emmett: BUT I NEED YOU TO STAY

Elle: IT’S NOT UP TO ME JUST LET ME BE LEGALLY BLONDE.

Scene Thirteen

----Kyle Gets Bandaged cue------

Paulette: Thanks for walking Rufus.

Kyle: It was the least I could do. Consider this a thank you for staying with me at the hospital.

Paulette: Trust me-- the pleasure was all mine.

Kyle: Well, I should be getting back to my route now. Duty calls. (Kyle exits)

Paulette: Duty class. All that AND he has a job. (enter Elle with bags)

Elle: Paulette, I just came to say goodbye.

Paulette: What?! Goodbye??!!

Elle: I’m going back home to California--

Paulette: California? Why?

Elle: I’m going back to where I make sense.

Paulette: You’re not making any sense right now. Honey, what happened?

Elle: All this time I thought I was proving myself and making a difference… but it turns out I’m just one big blonde
joke. That all anyone’s ever gonna see.

----Legally Blonde Remix (Part 1 cue---

Elle: Sorry, Vivienne, you keep it. I’m never wearing that again. (Elle picks up her luggage and walks through the
supply closet door)

Paulette: Um… honey? You’re in the supply closet.

Elle: (offstage) I know!

----legally blonde remix (part 2)

Elle: I said I’m never wearing that again. I’m wearing THIS!

Kiki: Fierce!

Elle: BACK IN THE GAME

Chorus: YES!

Elle: BACK TO THE TRIAL,

Chorus: YES!

Elle: BUT I’M GOING BACK IN MY STYLE. GIRLS IT’S A FACT: WHEN YOU’RE ATTACKED GOT TO
RESPOND! HAND ME MY DOG! HAND ME MY BAG! AND THAT AMERICAN FLAG! CAUSE NOBODY
FOOLS WITH SOMEBODY WHO’S LEGALLY BLONDE!

Chorus: GET ON YOUR FEET, CAUSE SHE’S LEGALLY BLONDE! TAKE TO THE STREET ‘CAUSE SHE’S
LEGALLY BLONDE! THERE’S NO RETREAT WHEN YOU’RE LEGALLY BLONDE!

Margot, Serena, Pillar: Oh my gosh, Elle! HONEY IT’S US! THE GIRLS OF DELTA NU! WE CAME TO SEE
OUR PRESIDENT BE LEGALLY BLONDE!

Chorus: THEN COME WITH ME, ‘CAUSE SHE’S LEGALLY BLONDE! YOU GOT A RIGHT TO BE
LEGALLY BLONDE! YOU GOTTA FIGHT TO BE LEGALLY BLONDE YEAH!

Kyle: PAULETTE, WHAT’S GOING ON?

Paulette: We’re just cheering on our friend Elle.

Chorus: Goooo Elle!

Kyle: I’ve got another package for you!

Paulette: Thanks! Kyle B. O’Boyle… Hey, what’s the ‘B’ stand for, anyway?

Kyle: Brendan.

-----legally blonde remix (part 3) cue------

~River Dance~

Scene Fourteen

(Back at the trial -- Brooke stares down Callahan)

Brooke: I said you’re fired.

Callahan: That’s absurd! Elle’s just a law student. She can’t represent you! (Emmett comes through the door,
displays a case book)

Emmett: Actually, she can represent Brooke, your honor. Rule 3:03 of the Supreme Judicial Court states that a law
student -- (points to Elle) Ms. Elle Woods -- may represent a defendant in criminal proceedings.

Callahan: Only if she has a license attorney to supervise and without me, she does not.

Emmett: Yes she does. I’m licensed, your honor. I’ll gladly supervise.

Callahan: You work for me, remember?

Emmett: No. I work for myself. (to Callahan) And I don’t have to hit on interns, Professor. (Elle turns to Emmett,
shocked. Callahan exits)

Elle: Thank you, Emmett.

Emmett: Did you think I actually gonna let you just get away?

Judge Sandra: Uh - Ms. Woods? Any day now… You may proceed. (bangs the gavel) Call your first witness.

Elle: We call Chutney Wyndham to the stand.

----Chutney Wyndham cue-----

(Chutney Wyndham enters and is sworn in. All gasp at Chutney’s “fro” hairstyle)

Serena: Oh my gosh!

Margot: T.T.P

Pillar: Total Tragic Perm!

Elle: Miss Wyndham, what was your relationship to the deceased?

Chutney: He was my father.

Elle: Did you actually see his murder take place?

Chutney: No… I was in the shower. But when I got out, Brooke was standing over my father’s body, drenched in
his blood. (the courtroom erupts with this revelation)

Elle: Miss Wyndham…. On the day your father was killed, did you see anyone suspicious hanging around?

Chutney: Suspiciously hanging around my shower? (The courtroom laughs at Elle along with Chutney)

Elle: No, before that.

Chutney: I was out getting a perm.

Elle: (still puzzled) And then you came home and took a shower?

Chutney: Yes. I was in the shower.

Elle: Thank you. Now, Ms. Wyndham, you claim on the day of the murder, you got a perm. Was this your first
perm?

Chutney: No. I’ve permed my hair since junior high, about three a year.

Elle: Interesting. (comes up with an idea) My associate has just gotten a perm herself today. Exhibit A: Ms. Enid
Hoopes. (Enid looks confused and then steps forward, her hair permed exactly like Chutney’s. Paulette fusses
around her with a comb) Now Ms. Wyndham, would Exhibit A’s perm be similar to your own?

Chutney: Duh.

Elle: And now, one more time, you didn’t see the murder or hear the gunshot because you were where?....

Chutney: In the shower.

Judge Sandra: Counselor, I believe the witness has made it clear she was in the shower.

Elle: Right, sorry. Now, Ms. Hoopes, would you dump this bucket of water onto your head?

Chutney: Idiot. You can’t get a perm wet for 48 hours--- (gasps!)

Elle: Exactly!

----scene of the crime (part 1)----

Water deactivates the perm’s ammonium thiglycolate and completely ruins it! It’s the cardinal rule of perm
maintenance. Your perm is still intact so you couldn’t have showered that day. Why would you lie about being in the
shower?
Chutney: I was ---

Elle: Why would you lie about not hearing the gunshot?

Chutney: But I ----

Elle: Why would you--

Chutney: YOU THINK I LIKED BEING OLDER THAN MY DAD’S NEW WIFE?? I didn’t mean to hurt my
father! I didn’t mean to shoot him...I THOUGHT IT WAS YOU WALKING THROUGH THE DOOR.

-----scene of the crime (part 2)-----

Elle: OH MY GOSH!

Emmett, Warner, Vivienne, Enid: OH MY GOSH!

Delta Nus, Brooke: OH MY GOSH!

Judge Sandra: OH MY GOSH!

All: OH MY OH MY GOSH!OH MY GOSH!

Judge Sandra: HOLD ON! Bailiff, take Ms. Wyndham into custody. Mrs. Wyndham, you are free to go and we
apologize.

All: OH MY GOSH! IT’S A DREAM COME TRUE! WE JUST KNEW WE COULD COUNT ON YOU!

Brooke: AND NO ONE HAD TO KNOW THAT I HAD LIPOSUCTION ON MY THIGHS! OOPS!

Delta Nus: WE STILL LOVE YOU!

All: OH MY GOSH! OH MY GOSH YOU GUYS! ELLE’S ALL THAT AND A SIDE OF FRIES! SHE SAW
RIGHT THROUGH CHUTNEY’S FRIZZY PERM AND HER FAKE ALIBIS, OH MY GOSH YOU GUYS! OH
MY G…

Delta Nus: Shhhh!

Emmett: I think someone needs to talk to you. (Elle turns and sees Warner)

Warner: Elle… to think I didn’t take you seriously. I was wrong.

Elle: Thanks, Warner.

Warner: We do belong together. (Warner goes down on his knee)

Elle: Oh, Warner. Vivienne dumped you, didn’t she?

-----Find my Way/Finale-----

Elle: THOUGH I DREAMED OF THIS DAY LONG AGO. NOW MY ANSWER IS THANK YOU, BUT NO.
LOOK I’VE BARELY BEGUN, I’M HARDLY THROUGH. I WAS LIVING IN IGNORANT BLISS, TILL I
LEARNED I COULD BE MORE THAN THIS. AND YOU KNOW IN A WAY I OWE IT ALL TO YOU. I
THOUGHT LOSING YOUR LOVE WAS A BLOW I COULD NEVER WITHSTAND. BUT LOOK HOW FAR I
HAVE COME WITHOUT ANYONE HOLDING MY HAND. I HAD TO FIND MY WAY. THE DAY YOU
BROKE MY HEART, YOU HANDED ME THE CHANCE TO MAKE A BRAND NEW START; YOU HELPED
ME FIND MY WAY. THERE’S STILL SO MUCH TO LEARN. SO MANY DREAMS TO EARN, BUT EVEN IF
I CRASH AND BURN TEN TIMES A DAY. I THINK I’M HERE TO STAY. I’M GOING TO FIND MY WAY.
(As Elle and Warner exit we transition to graduation day.)

Vivienne: William Shakespeare wrote: To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst
not then be false to any man”. I believe this wise statement best applies to a woman. A blonde woman. For the past
three years, she taught me, and showed us all, that being true to yourself never goes out of style. Ladies and
Gentlemen, your valedictorian… Elle Woods! (Elle passes Vivienne. Elle pauses and offers her her hand and they
shake. She turns to the podium.)

Elle: I THANK YOU ONE AND ALL: THE ONES WHO THOUGHT I’D FALL; WHO TAUGHT ME HOW TO
FAIL; WHO HELPED ME TO PREVAIL! I’M STANDING HERE TODAY….

Paulette, Brooke: I’M STANDING HERE TODAY…

All 3: ‘CAUSE YOU HELPED ME FIND MY WAY

Elle: OH AND IF YOU COULD GIVE ME ONE SECOND BEFORE WE ALL GO… EMMETT FORREST?
PLEASE MAKE ME THE HAPPIEST WOMAN I…

Emmett: OH MY, OH MY, OH MY GOSH!

All: OH MY GOSH! OH MY GOSH YOU GUYS! GRANTED, NOT A COMPLETE SURPRISE! BUT IF
THERE EVER WAS A PERFECT COUPLE, THIS ONE QUALIFIES! CAUSE WE LOVE YOU GUYS!

Emmett & Elle: NO WE LOVE YOU GUYS!

All: OH MY GOSH!

Emmett & Elle: OH MY GOSH!

All: OH MY GOSH!

All: YOU GUYS! OH MY GOSH!

THE END