Prologue

This is our home.

This was our home.

This used to be our home.

I still remember that exact moment when that sudden chance encounter with the
unknown, changed my life forever.

The melancholy crept inside my heart, while I was reminiscing the memories of
the past, as I sat on the bench where I first saw her.

Suddenly the sound of the cicadas in the surrounding forests fell silent, and the
flow of time seemed to slow to a crawl. This was a sensation I hadn’t felt in over a year.
A strange phenomenon that could only be experienced here in this spot where the fabric
of our world grew thin, the place we used to call home.

Far off the distance, the skies overhead had begun to fade from warm orange to
vivid blue. It was the most magical time of the day, when the twilight emerged, neither
day nor night, and for a moment, I could almost see her there —that pale, fleeting smile
I once knew.
 Chapter 1.

Man, I hate summer.

It was last year in summer the first time we met, when the sun is on its peak and
the world feels like it was hell. The sweat was trickling over my body, soaking my clothes
wet. I rode my bike to the mountains that day in the hopes that at the top of it, it would
be much more cooler. To my surprise it was really way cooler at the top of the
mountains, with the cool breeze from the trees that reliefs my boiling body.

I stayed their just staring at the town below me. The people at bottom looks like
ants at this altitude, although there’s only few people outside right now because of the
weather.

I tried sketching the city on the dirt to fight off, after a while I find myself
immersed in what I’m doing that I lost track of time.

But when I look upwards to the city the sun has passed the horizon and the blue
hour has started, the twilight when the sun is at a significant depth below the horizon.
I had a weird feeling, as if the time stops for a second and the temperature suddenly
drops. That’s when I saw a silhouette on the corner of my eyes, it looks like woman
starring at me. When my eyes finally adjust to the light of the sky, I saw a face smiling
at me.

I thought I was hallucinating but when the girl approach me and our skin
touches, my doubt disappeared. She said that her name, was Alice, I could only assume
that this had also been her real name as a human—barring, I suppose, the possibility
that she was some nature spirit that had never been human to begin with. In terms of
appearance, she did indeed look to be around the age of 18. She has a long black hair
and long dark skirt, she wore a thin silver necklace with a blood-red pendant around
her neck. Her beautiful visage and delicate figure brought to mind the sorts of women
that one only ever seemed to see in museums—in paintings displayed behind panes of
glass and velvet ropes. There was also a gloomy air of melancholy about her, and a sort
of transient paleness to her complexion—but that just probably because she wasn’t
normal. At the moment, her feet were planted firmly on the ground as she crouched to
talk to me.

I told her my name too and we talked for a while.

“Are you a ghost?” I asked.

When I was a child my parents would always share stories about spirits and ghost
everytime that we went on camping, they said ghost only appears on places where
human rarely goes, the thought cross my mind as I looked in this peculiar girl in front
of me.

“Perhaps I was” She said while she’s looking on the dirt where I sketched the city.
“I guess you could say that I‘m from a different world”

“Different world?” I asked Alice. “What world and how did you get here?”
 “Thing is, I think I’m kind of stuck in limbo,” explained Alice. “I’ve only been
wandering this area because I’m bound here and I can only go outside of it everytime
the sun sets in and when it’s the first day of the month. I’ve never really encountered
people here much, nobody has been here ever since I was bound om this place.”

She gazed wistfully up the sky.

On normal circumstances you could say that I’m a very science-oriented person, but
for some reason I believed everything that she said.
We talk for minutes about mostly normal stuff. For some reasons she loves
hearing my mundane stories, stories that if I told my friends they would just look in the
other direction and not listen.

“The time is over” Alice said while she gazed up at the sky. “The twilight is over
and I would disappear, I hope you’ll be back tomorrow, my dear human.”

As she looked onto me for one last time before she disappeared into thin air.

The next day I was back on the mountain to wait for her to appear again, and the
next day, and the consecutive days afterwards. We always talk about my life, Alice loves
hearing stories , she loves eating as well. Everytime that I visit her I always brought
some snacks to offer her, like worshipping a roman goddess.

Everytime we talked she would always take out her diary and she would write
everything that I would say, sometimes even clarifying details to accurately write
everything down. When I asked her why she always write everything down, she would
answer that she reads her diary everytime she’s bored.

Everyday that summer I went on the mountains to talk to her, I would always
wait for hours until the sun sets in and the blue hours starts. After a while she decided
to show me her world, a world where everything defies the nature of the reality I once
knew.

“Do you want to know what my world is like?” she asked me, while pointing at
the cliff in front of us. “Come on let’s go”

“How, like there will be a portal that would just appear?” I said jokingly.

A mischievous grin crept into her face, suddenly she grab my arms and pulled
me through the cliff. The cliff was probably about 80-100 feet above ground, a fall from
this height is an absolute death. I was so shocked that I thought I was going to die, I
hold into her tightly that I was almost embracing her. I tried to wait for the impact. but
there wasn’t any. I felt a solid platform under my foot and the scenery around me
changes.

The green field welcomes me with the huge gust of wind which smells like wheat.
But that’s not what catches my attention, in the far off distance there stood a castle. It
was a large castle, the type you might see at the European countries that was made for
their royalties. Yet instead of having a bright color, this one was colored an off-white
that was almost the pigment of human bones. It stood looming their in the middle of the
field as if it had been waiting centuries to someone—anyone—to explore its depths.

As we walk towards the castle I can see that it was bigger than I thought. Each
walls have a series of torches that hung diagonally, illuminating the whole castle.

“Is this where you live?” I asked Alice.

“Yes this our house” she said when she catches me starring at the castle for too
long.

“Where are we?” I asked, a little dizzy.

“We’re at a different world, a world where everything is not bound by the law of
nature and this is my home.” Her eyes wander to every direction of the castle while
looking at it with awe.

“Do you live here alone?” I asked while looking on the paintings on the walls of
the castle.

“No, I have companies” She answered.

“Where are they?”

“They’re here, they’re just probably shy, they’re not use to visitors after all.” Alice
said.

I was listening to Alice, then I caught a sudden glimpsed of an creature, my body

jerk out of shock. I knew the first time I saw it that it wasn’t human.

“Are you ok?” Alice asked me. “They’re definitely not human, but don’t worry they
wouldn’t hurt you, they’re the nicest things I know, let’s see I guess you could think of
them as spirits.”

The spirit that is peering from over the other room came out and showed itself,
now that I think about it, they don’t look that scary, it just that they’re different from
normal.

The creature that look more like an animal looked at me and spoke in soft voice.
“Please take care of Alice, thank you.”

I looked into Alice’s eyes and asked her, “are you a spirit as well?”

“Maybe I am, maybe not.” She said with a grin on her face. “whoo—” she suddenly
shouted.

“That’s not funny” I said as my eyebrows contorted.

She just laughs at me and continued on walking, I was a step behind her, amazed
of the architectural design of the castle, as well as the paintings that looked like it has
been there for several centuries.
 When we arrived at the top of the castle, we went on the balcony. The beautiful
sky was visible from here and the stars are beginning to become visible, I looked at my
right and saw Alice eyes looking straight at me and then she disappeared.

Everything changed in the blink of an eye, when I came to, I found myself to be
on top of the mountains, no castle, no green field, and Alice wasn’t their.

I sat down on the bench contemplating what had happened today.

I went home that night, and I found my mother waiting for me at the kitchen
table.

“You’ve been out of the house for too much lately, aren’t you worried, that it would
affect your studies?” My mother asked me, while looking at me in dismay.

“I’m sorry” I could only muster an apology.

“Now, sit down and eat your dinner, so that you have energy when you study
later.” My mother said, while she motions me to sit in front of her.

After we finished eating, we discussed my grades. She brought out her work
laptop and pulled up a spreadsheet with all of my grades and test scores.

“You made a careless mistake on a single math problem that prevented you from
getting a perfect score,” she said. “That’s unacceptable. Do better.”

We went down the list, and she grilled me for the umpteenth time on each and
every tiny mistake I made that could appear on my record. My mother never praised me,
not even when I got all As. She considered that a form of coddling—and that if she told
me I was performing well, I’d let it go to my head and get careless thereafter. All I could
do was continue to play my role as her good little honor student, doing as best I could.
Not to please her, but rather to ensure I never upset her.

The whole time we’re talking my mother’s eyes look at me as if I was a troubled child. It
all started after my dad died when I was in eight grade. My mother who loves watching
me and my father draw, suddenly become cold. She never let me touch my father’s art
supply anymore, and everytime I would cry about it she would just look at me and say
that you will be better if you learn something else.

My mother took out the arts that my father made and the materials he use to the
storage room on the backyard, but I manage to saved my favorite art. Now sitting at my
closet is the painting of our family, my mother, my father, and myself when I was still 8
years old. A print of my hands and my father hands is still visible on the right side of
the canvas. I thought that I had ruined the art that I started crying that day, but my
father said that the handprints make the art a masterpiece.

That the beauty in art is not about the appearance, but the meaning behind it.

That night I sketched Alice’s face and didn’t study at all.

 Chapter 2.

The school is buzzing with students talking to each other about different trends
and nonsensical stuff. The hallway was too full of people, that walking on it becomes an
obstacle. I navigate through the crowd and went straight to my classroom and sat down
on my desk.

“Hey, you haven’t been going with us lately, have you found a girlfriend?” My
friend Klio asked me grinning while he sat on the table beside me.

“No, I was just busy, preparing for my exams” I said, “We’re going to college next
year already, it is a pivotal part of our life”

“Ah—getting all too calculating again, whatever whatever.”

Klio stands up from the table and found someone else to bother.

The teacher arrived and everyone has sat down on their respective tables.

“Today class you will be given forms on what college do you want to go, as well
as the course. For those who wouldn’t go to college please do tell us the reason, and the
school would see if they can help.” My homeroom teacher, Mr White said. “I know that
some of you are gifted intellectually so you should choose wisely and you all should
strive for higher achievement, for the honor of our school. You will be called out when
its your turn for career guidance, for the moment you should fill the form down.”

I stared at the form delicately, thinking of what should I write on them. My mother
thinks that I should go on Hampden University, where all the scholars resides. My
mother has high hopes on me and she would be mad if I disappoint her.

Mostly of my classmates is already done with their career guidance, but my form
is still empty, the whole time I was just staring at the my notebook that shows my
sketched of Alice’s face.

If Alice was on my shoes what would she do, I think to myself.

“Calix its your turn” the teacher said while he’s on the door of the classroom.

“Shit my form is still empty” I whisper to myself, while I stand up and head for
the door.

“Come on, be faster” Mr. White said.

When we arrived at the faculty, the principal was there and one other teacher,
Mr. White and I sat in front of them. While walking I managed to write two schools,
which is Hampden University and Dellecher School for Fine Arts.

When the teachers saw my form they look at me “You wrote two schools, you still
haven’t made up your mind, then?” asked my homeroom teacher.

“No, sir,” I said.

 “Well, you should ask your parents then, with your academic prowess, I’m sure
you could get in just about anywhere you applied, but to go in an art school might be
waste of potential” the principal said.

In his hands, he held a results sheet for a mock entrance exam with my name on
it. There were grades for each of the five tested subjects on a scale from A to E, and I
had gotten all As.

“I’m planning to talk it over with my mother and decide from there.”

“Good. Try to come up with a shortlist of ideas before the month is over, at least.”

This entire conversation, of course, was premised on the assumption that I would
be going to college after high school. And I could tell from his tone that he wanted me
to apply for the most elite schools I could possibly be accepted to. After all, the more
students to sent off to prestigious universities, the better the school’s image will be, and
more students are going to enroll on them. Or at least I assumed that was their idea.

“God, I wish they could all be as bright as you,” my adviser said with a sigh. “It’d
make things so much easier for me.”

After making my way, away from school, I hopped on my bike and headed for
home. Under the harsh August sun, the ride from my school to my house building would
have been pretty brutal, were it not for the shelter provided by the row of big, shady
trees that lined the sidewalk.

After I arrived at my home to change clothes, I rushed to the mountains. It

became my routine for the last few weeks. I also bought a book to read while I was
waiting for Alice to appear.

The book that I bought was probably one of my favorites even though I haven’t
finish it yet. I’ve been reading this book for a week now and I was halfway through the
story, when everything is starting to go wrong.

I was immersed in the story that I didn’t feel the time went by.

“What are you reading” A woman on the peripheral of my vision asked.

“The Secret History” I said.

“Was it good?” Alice asked.

“It was really good, the story incorporates dark academia and gothic vibes” I said,
as I peered upwards to look at Alice’s face. “ And I really like the story.”

“Is that so, that sounds fantastic” Alice said while she sat next to me on the
bench.

I closed the book and looked at the sky, the sky was blue and the horizon has a
touched of violet on it, it was beautiful.
 “For you, what would you choose, to chase your own dreams or to accept what
your parents dreams for you?” I asked Alice while my eyes was still on the sky.

“Hmm—I would choose my own dream” Alice said “It was my life so I think I
should do what my hearts desires, and they’re still my parents so they would probably
understand it”

“Aren’t you scared to fail?” I asked. “I fear that if I tried harder, I might fail.”

“Then, we do, what we can” Alice said.

“And we can only hope, what we do is enough.”

I looked at her and I saw a tear in her face, when she realized that I was looking
at her, she turned her back to me. We sat there together in silence, contemplating on
the cosmos. I guess you could say that we’re both prisoner, she’s bound to this place
and I was bound to my mother’s dreams. The world was silent that time, even the sound
of insects are nowhere to be heard. We’re sitting on the bench, alone in the ether.

The sky in front of her was still blue and violet, and tinged most slightly with an
crimson red finish, it showered us with its fading glow.

When the twilight is almost over, Alice stood up and wished me a happy evening,
I did the same, then she disappeared.

In the absence of her angelic voice, I continued to ride my bike to that familiar
path home as the warm hues of the dying day made way for the evening sky. Surely, my
view of the road home was different from hers.

How many more times would she get to appear and talk to me? I asked myself, I
wonder if this would go on forever.

But it was true – nothing is certain, even I wouldn’t know how many more times
I would be able to see her. As such, the life we live weren’t so different.

I brought my finger to the side of my neck and made certain that I was alive.
Wondering if I was real, my mood was ruined as I felt my transient life tremble against
my will.

The evening breeze blew against me, distracting me from my thoughts.

That night when I talked to my mother, I told her how I feel.

Now, I never expected that she would just smile and accept it all but when she
looks to me the way she did, and told me hurtful words, my crumble into pieces.

“I’ve picked out a few colleges that seem viable given your academics,” she went
on. “I’ve also got brochures for each of them, which you can look through later.”

“But I want to go to Dellecher School for Fine Arts” I exclaimed.

 We go on for hours arguing with each other.

However, every time I fought back, she’d respond in the same exact way. “I’m only
telling this for your own good,” she’d say. “I’m thinking about your future here. Because
I want you to be happy.”

Those were some of the only times she ever let glimpses of motherly concern peek
through from beneath her clad-iron facade, and that alone was enough to make me feel
bad for trying to stand up for myself. In the end, I’d always give in and do as she said
due to some vague feeling of indebtedness or obligation as her son. It hadn’t always
been this way, though. Back when I was in elementary school, I used to stand up for
myself quite a bit more often.

That night I run away from my home. I spend the night on the top of the
mountain, figuring out how could I sway my mother’s mind.

I didn’t loathe my mother, not by any means. I knew just how hard she worked,
often late into the night at this very table, just to support our family and make ends
meet. Sometimes, I’d even find her passed out asleep on the table with her laptop still
open, and I’d go grab a cardigan to drape over her shoulders so she wouldn’t catch a
cold. I knew that her hypercritical nature when it came to me was just her own
(admittedly backward) way of showing her love for me, and I did genuinely appreciate
her concern. But a lot of the time, it was far more suffocating than it was helpful.

I looking the stars while my back was on the bench, wondering if I did the right
thing, I felt like I was too selfish. To put my mind at ease I stop thinking about it for
now.

I look at the horizon, wondering what might Alice’s be doing right now. She’s
probably already asleep, or perhaps she’s reading her diary out of boredom. Suddenly I
felt embarrassed realizing that her diaries is all about the things I told her.

That night I felt asleep with eased, I dreamed of the time when I was already adult
and life wasn’t so hard anymore.
 Chapter 3.

On normal days we always made plenty of jokes, shared plenty of laughter, made
plenty of digs at each other, and gave each other plenty of respect. It shocked me –
otherwise the eternal onlooker – how I had come to love the everyday we spent like this
just talking with each other. Just what in the world had happened?

I’ll say it for the me looking back on the present. I was delighted to be getting
involved with an special person. It was the first time I’d done so since I was born – being
together with someone, and not once think that I wanted to be alone.

While surely being the most sentimental in the world about getting involved with
a person, my days had been compacted into her home, where I always spend my time.

Its been months, her diary was probably almost full of my mundane stories and
bad jokes, but she never gets tired to write all the words down.

“To you, what does it mean to live?”

“Waaah, you’re actually asking serious questions.” After poking fun at me, she
made a contemplative face and stared at the sky, thinking. “To live, huh,” she muttered.

With just that, I could tell that she was staring not at death but at life, and with
just that – though it was by a miniscule amount – I felt my heart becoming lighter. I was
a coward. I already knew, but somewhere inside me, I still couldn’t accept that she
wasn’t free from here.

Our talks is made out of some serious stuff but occasionally one of us would
make a joke, to break the ice.

The first day of every month we often go on to eliminate one of the place that is
on the checklist of the things Alice wants to explore. As the first day of every month
Alice wasn’t bound to the place, making it possible for her to visit the other world, but
it only last for a day until she’s bound again.

The first month we met, we went on the beach, then the next month we went into
an aquarium, then a ramen place, library, bookstore, café, restaurant, zoo, fishing, and
just playing with cats. But this time she want to go into the museum.

I arrived early at the top of the mountain even though there’s still plenty of time
before she appeared. I watched the people below me, living their own life.

She asked me to meet her at our usual place at 5 in the afternoon. The flies by
really fast, when the sun is nowhere visible and the twilight started, Alice appeared from
cliff. She’s wearing a blouse and a skirt both of which has the color of porcelain white.
She’s also wearing her usual red pendant necklace which has the color of blood.

“Now then” said Alice calling my attention. “ Shall we go to the museum? You
should pick it cause I know, you love arts.”
 On the outskirts of town was a vast nature park that also house an art museum
on its grounds. We went on to walk and was welcomed by the big paintings that once
has been the treasure of its painter.

“Over here” I said to Alice. “This is where the good paintings are placed”

“You come here pretty often?” she asked.

“Used to, my family often visits this museum until my father died.”

One of the museum staff members was my father’s friend, so we were treated like
a family everytime we came here before. Although I haven’t been able to talk to that staff
for a long time.

“You’re a pretty big art fan aren’t you, calix?” she asked while standing beside an
statue of a woman while she’s trying to copy the pose of the statue.

“Not really sure about that, I used to love art, my father and I, would often paint
on a canvas when I was still a kid, but I haven’t painted for years.”

I was too engrossed in looking for the details of the paintings, to stare with such
precision in each stroke along the canvas and examine the meaning behind each
symbols that are engraved by artist.

“Look cal, I’m a royalty now” as she copies the elegant position of the painting
beside her. She almost fell while she’s trying to imitate the painting but I catch her
hand.

“Thanks” she said while laughing.

As we walk, we talked through the corridors, we eventually came to a painting

that catches my attention. The painting depicted a child and a man on the verge of the
cliff and a mother holding them both by the hand to save them.

“I have to say, you don’t really struck me as an artsy person,” said Alice while
she’s looking at me confuse because I stop walking.

“Why’s that?” I asked.

“Well, because arts about expressing feeling and emotion right? You seem like
someone who thinks more critically and logically, I mean you look like your timid and
shy all of the time.”

“That’s why an artist express it on the canvas,” I said while still looking at the
painting in front of me. “And do you know art isn’t just about imagination and being
creative, mostly of the artist think logically to improve their arts, some of them adhere
to the color theory, on what would suit other colors to highlight the main subject or even
to express the mood of the art.”

“Is that so?” She asked.

 “Yes, let’s take for example in making an art that evokes the feeling of optimism
and happiness, many of the artist uses warm colors such as red, orange, and yellow,
whereas cool colors such as blue, green, and purple are often described as calm.” I said
while I started walking again. “Although I would say, I know someone who doesn’t use
any theory in his drawing but still can produce an amazing art with just pure
imagination.”

“That’s really amazing, are you talking about yourself?” She said.

“No, It was someone I look up to” I exclaimed while thinking of the days my father
and I still draw.

Alice and I spend a good while wandering around the museum and appreciating
each exhibit before heading back outside because the museum is about to close. Upon
exiting the building the stars greeted us with shining light, illuminating the night sky.

We decided to eat an restaurant that offers omelet as their specialty, we ate

omelets for our dinner, then we head back to the mountains.

Were in deep thought, looking at the stars in the sky while our backs on the dirt.
It was a lovely night, the sky was calm, so as the world around us. It was silent, the only
noise you could here are the sudden gust of winds and the insects buzzing.

“That group of stars there is what they call andromeda, a constellation,” as I point
upwards into the stars. “They also call it as The Chained Lady.”

She giggled while laughing.

“That sounds like me,” she said.

“You know, I don’t hate being a prisoner here” she said. “In fact I love being here
specially now that you always visits me, I don’t feel lonely anymore. At the end of the
day what’s keeping me here is the one keeps me alive and breathing.”

“What do you mean?” I asked, confused of what her words means.

But she never answered, she just smiled at me and continued looking at the
stars.

“Um, this impression may sound like it’s missing the point, but… Fireflies really
do glow, don’t they?” I asked as I saw fireflies flying beneath the trees.

“Duh, they’re fireflies,” she laughed, but I knew what she was trying to say. Miyagi
was probably feeling the same way I felt seeing those stars in the sky.

You know that such a thing exists. But as much as you know about what it’s
like, the beauty a few steps higher is something that you might as well know nothing
about until you see it for yourself.

We stood up to have a better view of the trees, while the lights of the countless
green fireflies floating around flickered.
 Staring right at them would make you lose focus and feel a little dizzy.

“If I’m to guess, this may be the first time I’ve seen fireflies,” I said.

“There’s been a lot less of them lately. They’re hard to find, but they do show here
at the right time. I probably won’t see them again here for days or months though,”
exclaimed Alice.

“Do you like fireflies, Alice?”

“A little, they do look beautiful and they can float around, they remind me of the
past when I was still a child”

The luminescence of the fireflies hit its peak and the fireflies wonders of inside
the forest.

When it was already midnight Alice told me that I should head back home, as it
was already late. For some reason everytime she’s free for a whole day, she only spends
the half of it with me, and the other half I don’t where she goes or what she does. One
time I did asked because I was curious but she on said that she just smiled at me and
told me that it was somewhere important.

When I arrived home, almost in the midnight I saw my mother on the kitchen
with her laptop, she’s still working at this hour. She just looked at me and got back to
working without uttering a single word.

Ever since we had the argument after I told her what I felt about my future, we
hadn’t been talking much. The aura was still tense between us.

Before I sleep that night, I was already thinking on where should I take Alice the
next time.
 Chapter 4.

It was the first day of the month of April, the cool breeze has already subsided,
replaced by the smell of the sun. The flowers has started blooming and the trees started
opening their buds indicating that spring has arrived.

I woke up early today, As I know that it was a special day, This recent months
I’ve come to recognized that the first day of the months are extraordinary, not only
because it marks a fresh beginning but mostly because I know Alice will be able to walk
out of her shackles and enjoy the world that she loves the most again.

Alice has promised to join me in watching the fireworks today and to explore the
stalls of the festival tomorrow.

I waited for her early in the morning, while I ate an ice cream.

I was reading the book that I brought.

I went to walk around the mountains and pick some flowers.

I looked at my watch and it was already 5 o’clock in the afternoon.

I stared at the horizon, waiting for the sun to disappear.

I’ll confess it, that everytime I was taught something, I thought that she was
amazing. A human who could express what she feels, and not afraid to say what she
thinks.

I was thinking of asking her, to model for me the next time I paint.

“I thought you were really amazing, could you model for my painting next month.”
I tried to practice asking her.

When I put it into words, I could only find them too fitting for my heart – such
that they permeated that organ of mine. Naturally, I ended up lifting out the corners of
my mouth.

When I look up the sun has already passed the horizon, but I can still hear the
loud chirping of the cicadas, the time never slows down, the temperature is still the
same and I can still hear the cicadas cries.

I suddenly felt a bad taste on my stomach. For several minutes I waited, but she
never arrives, she didn’t appear. The stars are starting to emerge from the sky. I started
to become restless with worry. I still waited even though I knew the hours she could
appear has already passed, I waited for hours – subsequent two- had passed. I tried to
reassure myself that everything is fine, that maybe she just forgot or she’s busy.

It has already started raining and the fireworks never came, so as Alice.

When I reached home I was drenched, I started to think that- just maybe – she’s
just tired and she would be there tomorrow when the sun touches the horizon. It was
the only way I could soothe the fears that had gripped my heart.
 My mother probably saw the fear on my face that she asked me if I was alright.

“Are you alright cal?” my mother asked me, while she’s eating dinner on the table.
“ Come seat, you should eat dinner, you look so pale. I already started because I thought
you were going to go home in the morning again.”

I was lost at thought, then I sat. That’s when I learned the horror of what unfolds
today.

“A girl was found to be stabbed at the vicinity of Orashima station after she saved
an old woman from a holdaper, she was later pronounce dead by the doctors. Upon
looking for her identity, it was later found to be the missing girl 3 years ago” The reporter
said, while the screen of the tv flash the missing person poster that shows the face of
Alice, the exact same face I saw yesterday as if she never aged. “The mother of the victim
has arrived on the hospital to which she confirmed that it was her daughter”

An ambulance had been called to take her away immediately after being
discovered, but despite desperate attempts to resuscitate her, she had breathed her last.

The programme’s newscaster read only the truth, without the least bit of
sympathy.

She had been discovered with a commercially available kitchen knife embedded
deep into her chest. The criminal – some person I didn’t know from somewhere I didn’t
know – had been caught right away.

Apparently when she saw the old woman getting holdap by a man, she tried to
help and when the man panics, he suddenly stabbed Alice in the chest.

Without thinking, I dropped the spoon and fork that I had been holding onto the
floor. I didn’t say anything, but I could feel my whole body shaking as the tears swell up
in my eyes.

She had broken her promise of being their when the fireworks begins.

I couldn’t believe it.

It was impossible.

She’s not from here.

How could she die?

I was lost, I didn’t know what to do.

I had been depending on her.

I had still been depending on her at this stage.

I had been depending on the life she has brought to me.

At the very least, I had been mistaken about the reality that no one’s tomorrow
was guaranteed.
 I had fully believed that the world wouldn’t be able meddle with the girl outside
of its realms of reality.

Of course, something like that that wouldn’t happen. It didn’t happen.

The world didn’t discriminate.

It refused mercy to its inhabitants – be they humans with healthy bodies like me,
or that special creature.

We had misunderstood. We were fools.

But, could anyone mock us for misunderstanding?

A drama that had its final episode determined wouldn’t end until its final episode.

A movie that had a preview for its final instalment wouldn’t end until its final
instalment.

Everyone should have been living while believing that. They should have been
taught as much.

I too had thought that.

I had had believed that a novel wouldn’t end until its last page.

Perhaps she would laugh, saying that I’d read too many novels.

Even if I was laughed at, I didn’t mind.

Even though I had wanted to read it till the very end. Even though I had meant
to read it.

Her story had come to an end with the remaining pages still blank.

That time I didn’t think of anything, I rushed on my bike and boarded it. When I
arrived at the hospital, I asked the receptionist what room Alice is in, but the girl asked
whether I was a relative of the patient, and when I asked again she refused.

I walk over to the hallway, checking each room. The receptionist has already
called the security but I was determined to find Alice. I run asking people if they know,
until I saw an stretcher being transported, I suddenly had a bad feeling, I pulled the
cloth that’s covering the body and found Alice’s pale corpse. The nurses transporting
the stretcher was offended by what I did that they pushed me but I was too stunned to
speak.

She really was dead, I said to myself. I taste the acid already on my throat but I
fight off the notion to vomit.

The securities finally catches up to me and I kicked out of the hospital.

 I still couldn’t believe what happened. I rode my bike towards the mountain where
we first met, our home, hoping that this is all just a dream, and when I arrived there, I
would be greeted by her warm smile.

I was going too fast that a car almost hit me, the driver was probably shouting
on my back but I couldn’t hear it. The rain was still falling from the skies, it was crying.
The sky was mourning the death of Alice.

When I arrived at the top of the mountain, I was soaking wet. My eyes wander
but I couldn’t find Alice anywhere, she really was dead after all.

I guess you could say I was desperate, when my world is about to crumble I found
myself doing the dumbest things.

I went on the cliff and jump off just like that time when we went to her world. But
this time there wasn’t any platform, I wasn’t transported to any other world. I found
myself falling to death, I closed my eyes perhaps to accept my fate, but luckily I caught
a branch.

I shouting her name on the top of my lungs.

“Alice!”

“Alice, where are you I’m here!”

The branch that holding me from falling suddenly snapped, I wss falling again.
 Chapter 5.

When I woke up, I saw the white ceiling and white walls around me. I was on the
hospital. From my cloudy vision I saw a nurse injecting medicine on the IV that is
attached to my veins. When she saw that my eyes are open, she was shocked, she runs
off to tell the doctor that I was awake.

They examined me for a while, mostly my vision. When they confirmed that I was
alright they sat down on the foldable chair intended for visitors.

“Do you remember what happened to you?” the doctor asked.

I think for a second, as my mind still feels a little hazy.

“I do” I answered. “ I fell from the cliff in the mountains”

“Yes” the doctor said, “it was a miracle your still alive, you only sustained a few
minor cuts and bruises, your lucky that it rained that day”

“How long was I asleep?” I asked the doctor.

“It has been three days, I think” the doctor answered.

“Anyway they already called your mother, you should rest for now,” the doctor
said while he excused himself.

I was lost in my thoughts, when I look on my right side and I saw a familiar diary
on the desk next to me, it was Alice’s diary. I tried to move but my whole body aches,
after a series of struggling to reach the diary, I was finally able to picked it and a letter
dropped from its pages.

When I opened the letter, I saw that it was from Alice. I wonder how did I get this
diary, but it was probably the works of the spirits, that day when I fall from the cliff they
probably saved my life too.

Dear Calix,
If you’re reading this, I was probably already dead. It was my last wished to the
spirits that had taken care of me, I don’t know how to write a letter really, so bare with
me.

I guessed I should start at telling you the truth, I am Alice Aina, and 3 years ago
I went missing. It happened at summer that time, when I accidentally slipped in that
cliff, I almost died—perhaps, I did die that time. But the spirits of the forest helped me,
they gave me life, so be it borrowed. That’s why I was bound on that place. Do you
remember that everytime it was the first day of the month, then time’s where I’m free, I
only spend half of the day with you? Well, that’s because I always visit my parents that
time, although I wasn’t allowed to interact with them.
 Now that you know what I really am, maybe, you think I was not so special after
all.

Still thank you.

My time with you was really special, and you were really special to me, I hope you
harbor the same feeling towards me.

You made me feel alive.

You made me feel free.

That I was loved.

For that I thanked you.

Its funny because I rewrite this letter every month, not really certain on when I’m
going to die. My life was just borrowed after all.

One more thing, you should follow your dream, promise me that you’ll do, what
you can.

Honestly, I would be happy if I was buried at the top of the mountains.

This was very selfish but I want to asked you to never forget me and our home.

Your favorite ghost,

Alice

The tears swells up in my eyes, until they fall to my cheeks. I was crying, I was
mourning her death. Perhaps she’s wherever she is right now, those were my first
thoughts upon waking up. It was already the third day in a world without her.

When my mother arrived she saw face, wet with tears. My mother was really
worried about me that day, she cried too. Then she promised that she would be much
more kinder the next days, and I promised that I would take care of myself more. She
stayed by my side, until I’ve fallen asleep.

The day I was discharged was cloudy, large droplets of rain were falling, there
were only few pedestrians on the public roads. I quietly walked the path to where Alice’s
funeral is being held. I was lucky enough that the nurse who often gave me my medicines
told me where the place is, it was near Orashima station.

She had been killed somewhere around here. There were pretty much no
pedestrians in the area today. It was probably the same that day too. She had been
stabbed. Not by someone she had incurred the hatred of, or someone who sympathised
with her fate, but someone from somewhere whose face she didn’t even know.

But though I was sad, that wouldn’t break me or anything. Losing her, of course
saddened me. But there must have been many that were sadder than I was. Her family
that had been trying to find her for three years, only to found her dead. When I thought
about it like that, no matter what, I was unable to honestly accept my sadness.

Besides, even if I became distraught, it wouldn’t bring her back. The natural
conclusion was to tightly keep my spirits together, that’s probably what she would want.

When I arrived at her funeral, I went to her coffin to pay my respects, I put the
flowers that I had bought along the way. Her face was still the same, still beautiful. She
looks like as though she was just asleep and dreaming of the things she loved.

After that I sat on the chair on the back, even though there wasn’t really that
much people in the funeral, I would assume mostly of the people around here are
relatives and close friends of her parents. When her mother saw me, she motions me to
come with her.

I was surprised because I haven’t met her before, but I learned that she was just
curious, because I was the only one at my age who visited her, she thinks that I was
probably her daughters friend before and she might just forgot me.

“Yes, we’re friends, really good friends,”I said.

That night I told her about everything and showed her the letter and diary that
Alice has given me. I also told her about the request that Alice’s made, for her to get
buried on the top of the mountain. I never really expected her to believed, if I was her, I
would think that this boy in front of me has gone mad, but to my surprised she nodded
and told me that she was glad that I became her daughter’s friend.

After a week, when I visited the place we used to go to, our home. I saw a grave
beside the bench.

As for my studies I stop being so obsessed with getting the highest marks
everytime and decided to not take the exams for many prestigious schools. My
classmates, my homeroom teacher, my cram school instructor…all of them disgruntled,
distressed, and in disbelief. They all seemed to agree that I just threw my life away.
Maybe I had. I applied to a number of universities and paid the preliminary examination
fees for them all, but I didn’t show up to take a single test. The once-supportive adults
in my life wasted no time in branding me a living failure, saying that I could’ve become
an engineer, doctor, lawyer, and any other profession that genius people takes if I
wanted to.

As word of my life choices spread throughout the school, I could feel the
judgmental glances of my peers whenever I walked down the hallway. Apparently, the
leading theory was that I cracked under the pressure of all the studying and
expectations of me as an honor student and had something of a mental breakdown. But
to be quite honest, I didn’t really care what people thought about me, though.

My mother though, expresses her supports to me, she’s been kind to me ever
since that incident. My desire to express myself through artwork finally tipped the scales
and overruled my fear of anything she could possibly do to me. But whatever the reason,
I decided that now I was going to hold fast to this passion I held within my chest. I
wouldn’t let anyone’s sharp words or derisive laughter dissuade me from pursuing this
most vital urge, this compulsion to create, ever again.

After graduating from high school, my mother and I made the decision—and this
time we agreed on it—to start attending a local University to take an English Major, and
after I graduated my mother told me that I could go any art school I want. My
relationship with my mother has improved a lot, she has became more understanding
of me. I was deeply grateful for her constant efforts to support our little family as a single
parent, often working late into the night just to make ends meet. I respect her for that
and I love her for trying her best to listen and understand my feelings.

It wasn’t an easy life,

 Epilogue

It already been years, since that day when she died, I was hurried along by the
cicadas, screeching like they still hadn’t had enough.

It was another especially hot day. I was mercilessly besieged by the scorching
sun’s rays from above, as well as its reflection off the ground below. Already, my T-shirt
had become drenched. I climbed up the mountain to the place we used to go to, the
bench still stands, and beside it was a grave.

I put the flowers that I brought on the grave, I talked to her for a while, telling
the stories of my struggles that I had to went trough to graduate and achieve my dreams.
I still remember the days we spent on this haven, the place we used to call home. Those
memories still lingers on the back of my mind, as if it was just yesterday. When I look
at my watch, I saw that it was time to leave,

I went to my car as I still have class to attend to. Now I’m an English teacher and
an Art teacher for kids. For some reason, I enjoy teaching. Everyday I encourage the
kids to chase their dreams and that nothing is impossible, after all I already saw a
miracle before.

“This is our home”

“This was our home”

“This used to be our home,” the kids voice echoes inside the classroom.

“Now kids, what do you think is the difference between was and used to?” I asked

All of the kids raised their hands, but I choose the kid on the back, “ was is for
past tense” she said.

“Actually both of them are past tense, the only difference is that the phrase used
to be carries a sense of loss” I said while looking on the canvas on the corner of the
room, it was a painting of Alice on the place we used to call home.

“This is our home”

“This was our home”

“This used to be our home”