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Interpersonal Attraction and Close Relationships

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Lecture 8 Interpersonal Attraction, Close relationship and Love notes

Course:

Introduction to psychology (PSY 101)

Social Psychology Class Notes March 4 & 11, 2018 Interpersonal Attraction, Close Relationships, and
Love LEARNING OBJECTIVES (LO) Be able to: 7.1. Describe the need for affiliation including how it is
influenced by personal as well as situational factors. 7.2. State the two most important characteristics
of affect and note how emotions can influence attraction. 7.3. Understand how proximity and repeated
exposure can influence attraction (for better and sometimes worse). 7.4. Consider how and why people
evaluate others on the basis of physical attractiveness. 7.5. Understand the role that similarity plays in
attraction. 7.6. Explain the repulsion hypothesis and how it is viewed by most contemporary social
psychologists. 7.7. Highlight the key predictions of balance theory. 7.8. Detail and contrast the four
types of attachment. 7.9. Outline some of the major characteristics of parent-child and sibling
relationships. 7.10. Consider the nature of close friendships and highlight gender differences in close
friendships. 7.11. Explain the differences between men and women in what they look for in a mate
according to evolutionary theory. 7.12. Clarify how passionate love differs from unrequited and
companionate love. 7.13. Contrast the elements of Hendrick and Hendrick’s (1986) love styles with that
of Sternberg’s (1986) triangular model of love. 7.14. Discuss the costs of secret relationships.
INTERPERSONAL ATTRACTION, CLOSE RELATIONAHIPS, AND LOVE I. Internal Determinants of Attraction:
the Role of Needs and Emotions A. We have an affiliation need, meaning we wish to reach out and form
bonds with other people. We actively select those people with whom we would and would not like to
form a bond. (LO 7.1) 1. The importance of affiliation for human existence a) Some have suggested that
our need to affiliate is one of our most basic psychological needs. b) Even our ancestors benefited from
affiliating, as cooperation was important for survival. Affiliation needs, it is argued, remained part of our
genetic make-up. 2. Individual differences in the need to affiliate a) There are individual differences in
need for affiliation (our motivation to seek out and maintain relationships). Need for affiliation, then, is
a relatively stable trait of an individual.

2 b) People seek out optimal social interaction. Some individuals prefer more time alone, while others
prefer more time socializing. c) When our affiliation needs are not satisfied, it can have many negative
consequences. When we are left out of a situation, we experience negative emotions as well as a
decrease in cognitive functioning (Baumeister, Twenge, & Nuss, 2002). 3. Are there people who don’t
need other people? a) Recent research indicates even people who claim they have little need for
emotional attachments to others (dismissing avoidant attachment style) still display a need for
affiliation. 4. Situational influences on the need to affiliate – in addition to individual differences in
affiliation needs, external events can elicit temporary states of increasing the need to affiliate. a) An
increase in affiliation needs is seen when one’s mortality is brought to mind. (1) For example, natural
disasters bring people together. (2) Affiliating allows us to engage in social comparison, where we can
get a clear sense of the appropriateness of our emotional reactions. B. Affect and Attraction: Feelings as
a Basis for Liking (LO 7.2) 1. The direct effect of emotions on attraction a) The presence of positive affect
leads to positive evaluations of other people (liking), while negative affect leads to negative evaluation
(disliking). b) Affect can influence attraction directly (i.e., when someone compliments us, we feel good,
whereas we feel bad when someone insults us). 2. The associated effect of emotions on attraction a)
Associated attraction occurs when another person is simply present at the time that one’s emotional
state is aroused by something or someone else’s. (1) We feel increased attraction if we are in a good
mood (e.g., we just received a good test grade) or we feel decreased attraction if we are in a bad mood
(e.g., we just received a bad test grade). (2) This phenomenon is explained with classical conditioning.
We are pairing a neutral stimulus with either a positive or a negative stimulus. C. The affect-attraction
relationship and social influence 1. The fact that interpersonal evaluations are strongly influenced both
directly and indirectly by emotional states is often utilized in attempts to influence our behavior. 2.
Advertisers and political parties constantly try to manipulate affect to get us to buy their products or
vote for their candidate. a) Salespeople try to compliment us or make us feel good about them/the
product they are selling. b) Political candidates choose words for themselves that will elicit positive
affect and words for their opponent that will elicit negative affect. c) These approaches are effective
when the audience is homogeneous and unaware of the attempts to manipulate affect. II. External
Determinants of Attraction: Proximity and Others’ Observable Characteristics A. The power of proximity:
Unplanned contacts (LO 7.3) 1. Much of our interpersonal actions depend on our surroundings. 2. The
physical closeness (proximity) of two people in terms of residences or where they sit in a classroom or
office influences attraction. The closer two people are physically, the more likely they will experience
frequent contact, which leads to positive

3 feelings and mutual attraction. This can lead to friendships and even romantic relationships. B.
Why does proximity matter? Repeated exposure is the key (LO 7.3) 1. Proximity leads to attraction due
to repeated exposure. Zajonc (1968) defined repeated exposure as frequent contact with a stimulus
that leads to “increasingly positive evaluations” of the stimulus. a) The repeated exposure effect has
also been used to point out that exposure to a stimulus is often all that is required to lead to positive
feelings about that stimulus. (1) For example, if we think of our favorite song, we may remember the
first time we heard it. As we hear it over and over again, we like it more and more. 2. In terms of
evolution, we may be cautious when encountering a new stimulus, but as we encounter it repeatedly
with no harmful effects, we feel safe and like the stimuli even more. 3. It is important to note that if we
have an intensely negative initial reaction to a stimulus, repeated exposure can actually increase our
dislike of that stimulus. C. Observable characteristics of others: liking--or disliking--what we see (LO 7.4)
1. Physical Attractiveness is defined as the mixture of attributes that are evaluated as “beautiful” and
“handsome” on the positive end of the spectrum and unattractive at the negative end. a) Research has
consistently shown that we tend to respond positively to attractive people and negatively to
unattractive people (Collins & Zebrowitz, 1995). 2. For decades, research has confirmed the finding that
“what is beautiful is good” (Dion, Berscheid, & Hatfield, 1972), meaning more attractive people are also
assumed to have other positive qualities, such as intelligence and good social skills. a) This was long
thought to occur because people hold a very positive stereotype of attractive people. b) Recently an
alternative explanation has been proposed consisting of 3 steps (1) First, we desire to form relationships
with attractive people. (2) Second, this strong desire leads us to perceive them as interpersonally
responsive. (3) As a result of our own desire, we perceive them as interpersonally responsive in return –
as kinder, more outgoing etc. c) Despite widespread acceptance of what is beautiful is good, these
beliefs appear to be incorrect. 3. What, exactly, constitutes “attractiveness”? a) Judgments of one’s own
attractiveness may not match the judgments of others very well, but there is surprisingly good
agreement when two people are asked to rate a third person. b) Women who are rated as highly
attractive may either be termed “cute” with childlike features, or “mature” with features such as more
prominent cheekbones. c) Additionally, when many faces are averaged together via software, the face
produced is often thought of as quite attractive. d) Situations can influence ratings of attractiveness. In a
bar as the night progresses and people begin to pair off and the number of available partners decreases,
the resulting scarcity leads to more positive evaluations of those who remain. It appears that “beer
goggles” may have nothing to do with beer and more to do with scarcity. 4. Red really is indeed sexy—
and attractive

4 a) When male participants saw photos of female strangers shown against a red background, they
assigned higher ratings of attractiveness to the stranger than when the same people were shown against
a white background. For women, background did not make a difference. 5. Other aspects of appearance
and behavior that influence attraction a) Body type also influences how we respond. Specifically,
overweight people are stereotyped as lazy, while very slender people are stereotyped as intelligent. b)
Firm handshakes are associated with positive characteristics. c) Even our names influence interpersonal
perceptions. (1) Old-fashioned names (e.g. Mildred) are associated with undesirable characteristics. III.
Factors Based on Interacting with Others: Similarity and Mutual Liking A. Similarity: Birds of a feather
actually do flock together 1. The idea that similarity leads to attraction is a widely accepted belief and
has been supported by decades of research. 2. While the media and movies may lean towards
“opposites attract,” similarity almost always seems to “win out” in the end when examining the basis for
relationships. B. Similarity-Dissimilarity: A consistent predictor of attraction (LO 7.5) 1. The similarity-
dissimilarity effect indicates that people consistently respond positively to others who they perceive as
similar to them and negatively to those who they perceive as dissimilar. 2. Attitude similarity refers to
the degree to which two people share the same attitudes about any number of subjects. This can be
expanded to include the idea that similarity in values, beliefs, and interests impacts upon attraction as
well. 3. It is important to note that not only do we like similar individuals better, we tend to rate them
higher on various attributes, including morality and intelligence. 4. The text states that “attraction is
determined by the proportion of similarity.” The larger the proportion of parallel attitudes, the greater
the attraction. This remains a strong effect, even if people are sharing attitudes about relatively
insignificant topics. 5. The repulsion hypothesis offered by Rosenbaum (1986) stated that increases in
attraction are not the result of similar attitudes; rather attraction is decreased when dissimilar attitudes
are present. While research has refuted this idea, it has been shown that unlike attitudes have negative
effects that are somewhat stronger than the positive effects of like attitudes. (LO 7.6) C. Do people seek
similarity in physical attractiveness? The matching hypothesis revisited. 1. The matching hypothesis –
the idea that although we would prefer to obtain extremely attractive romantic partners, we generally
focus on obtaining ones whose physical beauty is about the same as our own. D. Explaining the effect of
similarity-dissimilarity on attraction 1. Heider (1958) and Newcomb (1961) both proposed balance
theory, meaning that similarity and liking leads to balance, which is a pleasant internal state. If two
people like each other, but have dissimilar views (imbalance), changes will occur to restore balance. If
two people do not like each other, it is presumably the result of nonbalance, which is an unpleasant
internal state. (LO 7.7) 2. According to social comparison theory (Festinger, 1954), we compare ourselves
to others to be sure our attitudes and behaviors are appropriate. So, when we discover someone else
shares our views, we feel validated and are left with positive feelings. If we encounter dissimilar
attitudes, it suggests that our views and behaviors may be inappropriate, leading to negative affect. E.
Reciprocal liking or disliking: Liking those who like us

5 1. Reciprocal liking and disliking is a step in between initial attraction and the establishment of a
relationship. We like people who evaluate us positively and we dislike those who evaluate us negatively.
Although signals may be misinterpreted, we generally like those who like us in return and dislike those
who do not dislike us in return. F. What do we desire in others? Designing ideal interaction partners 1.
There are several traits (trustworthiness, cooperativeness, agreeableness and extraversion) that we
value in everyone no matter what kind of relationship we have with them 2. We value other traits
differentially—that is, to a greater or lesser degree—depending on the kind of relationship we have with
the other person. IV. Close Relationships: Foundations of Social Life A. Relationships with family
members: Our first—and most lasting –close relationships 1. We typically experience our first bond with
a parent. How we interact with parents can have an impact on our later interactions with others. a) The
first interactions between an infant and his/her caregiver are usually very positive. There is reciprocity,
as the caregiver uses “baby talk” and the infant responds with different noises and expressions. These
behaviors are reinforcing for both people. 2. The lasting importance of parent-child interaction: Their
role in attachment style a) The “quality of the interaction” between babies and their caregivers impacts
upon the child as they move through adolescence and adulthood. Parent-child interaction patterns
often guide interactions in later relationships (friendships and romantic relationships). b) Attachment
style refers to how secure one feels in their relationships. Infants are thought to adopt two basic
attitudes: (1) Self-Esteem: Our attitudes toward ourselves along a positive-negative dimension.
Depending on the interactions with a caregiver, a child develops a sense that they are cherished and
loved or a sense that they have no value. (2) Interpersonal Trust: Our attitudes about others; whether
or not they are reliable and dependable. c) Research indicates that we develop our sense of self-
esteem and interpersonal trust very early in life (even before we begin to use spoken language). d)
Depending on our level of self-esteem and interpersonal trust, we may develop one of four possible
attachment styles: (LO 7.8) (1) Secure attachment style involves high self-esteem and high interpersonal
trust. This style is the most desirable and leads to very positive outcomes, including enduring and
rewarding relationships throughout life. (2) Fearful-avoidant attachment style involves low self-esteem
and low interpersonal trust. This is the “least adaptive” style in that relationships are either avoided or
are unhappy. (3) Preoccupied attachment style involves low self-esteem and high interpersonal trust.
This style leads to a very strong motive to establish relationships coupled with a fear of rejection. (4)
Dismissing attachment style involves high self-esteem and low interpersonal trust. This is a conflicted
style in that an individual feels deserving of a good relationship, but is suspicious of possible partners.

6 3. The role of other family members (LO 7.9) a) Much recent research has emphasized the importance
of interactions with family members other than the mother, who is usually the primary caregiver.
Fathers and grandparents can play a crucial role in a child’s life, especially if the child’s mother is not
trustworthy. Children can learn a variety of skills in their different relationships, such as how to handle a
disagreement. 4. Relationships between and among siblings (LO 7.9) a) Roughly eighty percent of
people grow up with at least one sibling present in their lives. b) Sibling relationships form the basis for
later interactions with peers. Youngsters learn to share, which will benefit them in their later
relationships. c) Sibling relationships usually involve a combination of fondness and rivalry. Even
though parental favoritism is often a topic of contention among siblings, parents rarely report favoring
one child over another. And most adult siblings enjoy a good relationship. B. Friendships:
Relationships beyond the family (LO 7.10) 1. Starting in childhood, we see the origins of friendships. We
are often friends with children who are close in proximity to us and/or who share the same interests as
us. 2. Close friendships a) A close friendship is defined as a relationship where two individuals spend a
lot of time together and provide emotional support for one another. b) We can feel safe in revealing our
true personality to friends, and we are less likely to lie to a friend. 3. Gender and friendships a) In
research, women report having more close friends than men (Fredrickson, 1995). In addition, b) Fehr
(2004) reported that women value intimacy more than men. 4. Is similarity the basis for friendship a) It
appears that perceived similarity between people is a better good predictor of friendship than is actual
similarity. V. Romantic Relationships and The (Partially Solved) Mystery of Love A. Love: Its Basic Nature
(LO 7.12 & 7.13) 1. Love involves a mixture of emotions, thoughts, and behaviors that play an important
role in our relationships. a) Research with both children and college students demonstrated that love
involves both positive events (when the relationship first begins) and negative events (when the
relationship ends). Love also includes sharing and sacrifice. 2. Passionate love is a powerful, but
oftentimes unrealistic response to another individual. a) Passionate love typically begins quickly and
tends to consume the person. b) While this may be thought of as “true love,” people outside the
relationship tend to perceive it as “infatuation.” c) When a person is in love, sexual attraction is part of
the relationship (Meyers & Berscheid, 1997). d) Loving someone and having them love us is of course
positive, but a fear that something can occur to bring the relationship to an end is a negative side of
passionate love. e) Hatfield and Walster (1981) proposed three necessary conditions for passionate
love to occur:

7 (1) Learning about love from our childhood through movies, songs, and fairy tales about love. (2)
Finding an appropriate love object, usually meaning an attractive, unattached person. (3) Physiological
arousal must be present and interpreted as love (this is rooted in Schachter’s (1964) theory of emotion).
f) Unrequited love involves falling in love with someone who does not love us in return. 3. The origins of
love can be traced back to our ancestors. It was adaptive to seek out a mate, reproduce, and work
together to care for children. “Bonding was important to the success of the species.” So we may come
into the world with a genetic predisposition to seek out a partner we love and to reproduce. 4. Several
kinds of love. Though passionate love is a common occurrence, it is too intense and too overwhelming
to be maintained as a permanent emotional state. There are other kinds of love: a) Companionate love
is a critical component of a long-lasting relationship. This refers to love that is based on reciprocal
attraction, common interests, respect, and caring about another’s well-being. b) Sternberg’s (1986)
triangular model of love proposes that a love relationship contains three parts: (1) Intimacy: the
closeness and strength of the tie between the partners. (2) Passion: the physical/sexual attraction
between the partners. (3) Decision/commitment: the cognitive processes involved in deciding if the
partners are in love and are committed to nurturing the relationship. (a) Consummate love occurs
when all three components (intimacy, passion, and decision/commitment) are included in the
relationship. This is what couples should strive for as a model, but it is difficult to reach. c) Research has
indicated that physical attractiveness is an important aspect in maintaining all three parts of love
(Sangrador & Yela, 2000). B. Jealousy: An internal threat to relationships—romantic and otherwise 1.
Feelings of jealousy—concerns that a romantic partner or other person about whom we care deeply
might transfer their affection or loyalty to another—are deeply distressing. 2. Jealousy is a major factor
in a large proportion of homicides. 3. Growing evidence now points to the conclusion that jealousy is
largely the result of threats to one’s self-esteem. VI. Selecting romantic Partners: Do Women and Men
Differ in What They Seek? (LO 7.11) A. The role of physical attractiveness 1. Women’s physical appeal
and youth play a stronger role in men’s preferences for them than men’s physical appeal and youth play
in women’s choices of romantic partners B. Possible future selves and mate preferences. 1. For both
men and women, when people expect to be a provider, they rate homemaker skills in their potential
mate as more important than provider-related skills. When they expect to be a home-maker, they rated
provider skills in a potential mate as more important. 2. In addition, regales of role some gender effect
persist, men still prefer younger mates, and women are still more concerned with provider skills than
are men. a) Why do these gender effects persist? According to an evolutionary perspective, the reason is
that females have a limited age span during which

8 reproduction is possible, men are usually able to reproduce into old age. Thus men were more
concerned with age than were women. b) As compelling as this evolutionary explanation is, it is not
universally accepted. C. Is the “mating game” a competitive one—or can it involve cooperation too? 1.
Female friends might help each other avoid people they are not interested in. 2. In contrast, male
friends might help each other to gain access to desirable females. D. Secret romances: enticing , but
dangerous (LO 7.14) 1. It is clear that secret romances are enticing, but they often come with significant
costs in terms of health and commitment to the relationship. KEY TERMSattachment style attitude
similarity balance theory close friendship companionate love consummate love decision/commitment
dismissing attachment style fearful-avoidant attachment style interpersonal trust intimacy love need
for affiliation passion passionate love physical attractiveness preoccupied attachment style
proportion of similarity proximity repeated exposure repulsion hypothesis secure attachment style
similarity-dissimilarity effect social comparison theory triangular model of love unrequited love the
matching hypothesis RELEVANT SOURCES Baumeister, R.F. (Ed.) (2001). Social psychology and
human sexuality: Essential readings. Florence, KY: Psychology Press.  Presents a collection of
contemporary articles dealing with social aspects of human sexuality such as gender and sexual
behavior, homosexuality, and infidelity. Berscheid, E. (1994). Interpersonal relationships. Annual Review
of Psychology, 45, 79-129.  Discusses the growing area of relationship cognition and the progress made
in research on love, social support, jealousy, and dissolution of relationships. Bradbury, T. N., & Karney,
B. R. (2010). Intimate Relationships. New York: W.W. Norton & Co.  Provides an overview of the area
of intimate relationships. Brown, S.L., & Lewis, B.P. (2004). Relational dominance and mate-selection
criteria: Evidence that males attend to female dominance. Evolution and Human Behavior, 25, 406-415.
 Presents a study examining whether males preferred a subordinate partner in a long-term
relationship.

2 Carbery, J., & Buhrmester, D. (1998). Friendship and need fulfillment during three phases of young
adulthood. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 15, 393-409.  Explores changes that occur
interpersonally during adolescence and young adulthood. Clarke, V., & Finlay, S.J. (2004). For better or
worse? Lesbian and gay marriage. Feminism and Psychology, 14, 17-23.  Summarizes the current
debate over gay marriages, with a focus on the varying rules and regulations across different countries.
Cupach, W. R., & Spitzberg, B. H. (Eds.). (2010). The Dark Side of Close Relationships II. Mahwah, NJ:
Lawrence Erlbaum Associates.  Explores the negative or dysfunctional outcomes that can occur in
relationships. Doskoch, P. (1997, Jul/Aug). Thirty years of sex, love, and psychology. Psychology Today,
30, pp. 33-35.  Examines excerpts from some of the most memorable articles over the past 30 years
dealing with love and sex. Dryer, C., & Horowitz, L.M. (1997). When do opposites attract?
Interpersonal complementarity versus similarity. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 72,
592-603.  Reports two studies exploring the effects of similarity and complementarity on satisfaction in
relationships. Heaven, P.C.L., DaSilva, T., Carey, C., & Holen, J. (2004). Loving styles: Relationships with
personality and attachment styles. European Journal of Personality, 18, 103-113.  Examines different
personality traits (e.g., neuroticism) and their association with different love styles. Hendrick, C., &
Hendrick, S.S. (2001). Close relationships: A sourcebook. Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage Publications. 
Provides panoramic view of close relationship research with highlights on classic, current, and applied
research. Kirchler, E. et al. (2001). Conflict and decision making in close relationships. Florence, KY:
Psychology Press.  Focuses on the strategies couples use when making joint decisions on issues such as
love, money, work, leisure, and children. Kniffin, K.M., Wilson, D.S. (2004). The effect of nonphysical
traits on the perception of physical attractiveness: Three naturalistic studies. Evolution and Human
Behavior, 25, 88-101.  Explores gender differences regarding the influence of nonphysical qualities
on evaluations of physical attractiveness. Leone, C., & Hall, I. (2003). Self-monitoring, marital
dissatisfaction, and relationship dissolution: Individual differences in orientations to marriage and
divorce. Self and Identity, 2, 189-202.  Provides evidence that high versus low self-monitors will
have different rates of marital dissatisfaction and marital termination.

3 Sigelman, C.K., Thomas, D.B., Sigelman, L., & Ribich, F.D. (1986). Gender, physical attractiveness,
and electability: An experimental investigation of voter biases. Journal of Applied Social Psychology,
16, 229-248.  Discusses the phenomenon of attractiveness working against women and for men in
political races. Reis, H, T., & Rusbult, C. E. (Eds.) (2004). Close relationships: Key readings in social
psychology. New York: Psychology Press.  This collection includes both classic and contemporary
approaches to some of the most important and influential issues in the study of relationships.
Vangelisti, A. L., & Perlman D. (Eds.) (2006). The Cambridge Handbook of Personal Relationships.
Cambridge, Cambridge University Press.  Provides an authoritative overview of personal relationships.
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Social Psychology

Class Notes

March 4 & 11, 2018

Interpersonal Attraction, Close Relationships, and Love

LEARNING OBJECTIVES (LO)

Be able to:

Describe the need for affiliation including how it is influenced by personal as well as situational factors.

State the two most important characteristics of affect and note how emotions can influence attraction.

Understand how proximity and repeated exposure can influence attraction (for better and sometimes
worse).
Consider how and why people evaluate others on the basis of physical attractiveness.

Understand the role that similarity plays in attraction.

Explain the repulsion hypothesis and how it is viewed by most contemporary social psychologists.

Highlight the key predictions of balance theory.

Detail and contrast the four types of attachment.

Outline some of the major characteristics of parent-child and sibling relationships.

Consider the nature of close friendships and highlight gender differences in close friendships.

Explain the differences between men and women in what they look for in a mate according to
evolutionary theory.

Clarify how passionate love differs from unrequited and companionate love.

Contrast the elements of Hendrick and Hendrick’s (1986) love styles with that of Sternberg’s (1986)
triangular model of love.

Discuss the costs of secret relationships.

INTERPERSONAL ATTRACTION, CLOSE RELATIONAHIPS, AND LOVE

I. Internal Determinants of Attraction: the Role of Needs and Emotions

A. We have an affiliation need, meaning we wish to reach out and form bonds with other people. We
actively select those people with whom we would and would not like to form a bond. (LO 7) 1. The
importance of affiliation for human existence a) Some have suggested that our need to affiliate is one of
our most basic psychological needs. b) Even our ancestors benefited from affiliating, as cooperation was
important for survival. Affiliation needs, it is argued, remained part of our genetic make- up. 2. Individual
differences in the need to affiliate a) There are individual differences in need for affiliation (our
motivation to seek out and maintain relationships). Need for affiliation, then, is a relatively stable trait of
an individual.

b) People seek out optimal social interaction. Some individuals prefer more time alone, while others
prefer more time socializing. c) When our affiliation needs are not satisfied, it can have many negative
consequences. When we are left out of a situation, we experience negative emotions as well as a
decrease in cognitive functioning (Baumeister, Twenge, & Nuss, 2002). 3. Are there people who
don’t need other people? a) Recent research indicates even people who claim they have little need for
emotional attachments to others (dismissing avoidant attachment style) still display a need for
affiliation. 4. Situational influences on the need to affiliate – in addition to individual differences in
affiliation needs, external events can elicit temporary states of increasing the need to affiliate. a) An
increase in affiliation needs is seen when one’s mortality is brought to mind. (1) For example, natural
disasters bring people together. (2) Affiliating allows us to engage in social comparison, where we can
get a clear sense of the appropriateness of our emotional reactions. B. Affect and Attraction: Feelings as
a Basis for Liking (LO 7)

The direct effect of emotions on attraction a) The presence of positive affect leads to positive
evaluations of other people (liking), while negative affect leads to negative evaluation (disliking). b)
Affect can influence attraction directly (i., when someone compliments us, we feel good, whereas we
feel bad when someone insults us).

The associated effect of emotions on attraction a) Associated attraction occurs when another person is
simply present at the time that one’s emotional state is aroused by something or someone else’s. (1) We
feel increased attraction if we are in a good mood (e., we just received a good test grade) or we feel
decreased attraction if we are in a bad mood (e., we just received a bad test grade). (2) This
phenomenon is explained with classical conditioning. We are pairing a neutral stimulus with either a
positive or a negative stimulus. C. The affect-attraction relationship and social influence

The fact that interpersonal evaluations are strongly influenced both directly and indirectly by emotional
states is often utilized in attempts to influence our behavior.

Advertisers and political parties constantly try to manipulate affect to get us to buy their products or
vote for their candidate. a) Salespeople try to compliment us or make us feel good about them/the
product they are selling. b) Political candidates choose words for themselves that will elicit positive
affect and words for their opponent that will elicit negative affect. c) These approaches are effective
when the audience is homogeneous and unaware of the attempts to manipulate affect.

II. External Determinants of Attraction: Proximity and Others’ Observable Characteristics

A. The power of proximity: Unplanned contacts (LO 7) 1. Much of our interpersonal actions depend on
our surroundings. 2. The physical closeness (proximity) of two people in terms of residences or where
they sit in a classroom or office influences attraction. The closer two people are physically, the more
likely they will experience frequent contact, which leads to positive

a) When male participants saw photos of female strangers shown against a red background, they
assigned higher ratings of attractiveness to the stranger than when the same people were shown against
a white background. For women, background did not make a difference. 5. Other aspects of appearance
and behavior that influence attraction a) Body type also influences how we respond. Specifically,
overweight people are stereotyped as lazy, while very slender people are stereotyped as intelligent. b)
Firm handshakes are associated with positive characteristics. c) Even our names influence interpersonal
perceptions. (1) Old-fashioned names (e. Mildred) are associated with undesirable characteristics.

III. Factors Based on Interacting with Others: Similarity and Mutual Liking

A. Similarity: Birds of a feather actually do flock together 1. The idea that similarity leads to attraction is
a widely accepted belief and has been supported by decades of research. 2. While the media and movies
may lean towards “opposites attract,” similarity almost always seems to “win out” in the end when
examining the basis for relationships. B. Similarity-Dissimilarity: A consistent predictor of attraction (LO
7) 1. The similarity-dissimilarity effect indicates that people consistently respond positively to others
who they perceive as similar to them and negatively to those who they perceive as dissimilar. 2. Attitude
similarity refers to the degree to which two people share the same attitudes about any number of
subjects. This can be expanded to include the idea that similarity in values, beliefs, and interests impacts
upon attraction as well. 3. It is important to note that not only do we like similar individuals better, we
tend to rate them higher on various attributes, including morality and intelligence. 4. The text states that
“attraction is determined by the proportion of similarity.” The larger the proportion of parallel attitudes,
the greater the attraction. This remains a strong effect, even if people are sharing attitudes about
relatively insignificant topics. 5. The repulsion hypothesis offered by Rosenbaum (1986) stated that
increases in attraction are not the result of similar attitudes; rather attraction is decreased when
dissimilar attitudes are present. While research has refuted this idea, it has been shown that unlike
attitudes have negative effects that are somewhat stronger than the positive effects of like attitudes. (LO
7) C. Do people seek similarity in physical attractiveness? The matching hypothesis revisited. 1. The
matching hypothesis – the idea that although we would prefer to obtain extremely attractive romantic
partners, we generally focus on obtaining ones whose physical beauty is about the same as our own. D.
Explaining the effect of similarity-dissimilarity on attraction 1. Heider (1958) and Newcomb (1961) both
proposed balance theory, meaning that similarity and liking leads to balance, which is a pleasant internal
state. If two people like each other, but have dissimilar views (imbalance), changes will occur to restore
balance. If two people do not like each other, it is presumably the result of nonbalance, which is an
unpleasant internal state. (LO 7) 2. According to social comparison theory (Festinger, 1954), we compare
ourselves to others to be sure our attitudes and behaviors are appropriate. So, when we discover
someone else shares our views, we feel validated and are left with positive feelings. If we encounter
dissimilar attitudes, it suggests that our views and behaviors may be inappropriate, leading to negative
affect. E. Reciprocal liking or disliking: Liking those who like us

Reciprocal liking and disliking is a step in between initial attraction and the establishment of a
relationship. We like people who evaluate us positively and we dislike those who evaluate us negatively.
Although signals may be misinterpreted, we generally like those who like us in return and dislike those
who do not dislike us in return. F. What do we desire in others? Designing ideal interaction partners

There are several traits (trustworthiness, cooperativeness, agreeableness and extraversion) that we
value in everyone no matter what kind of relationship we have with th em

We value other traits differentially—that is, to a greater or lesser degree—depending on the kind of
relationship we have with the other person.

IV. Close Relationships: Foundations of Social Life

A. Relationships with family members: Our first—and most lasting –close relationships 1. We typically
experience our first bond with a parent. How we interact with parents can have an impact on our later
interactions with others. a) The first interactions between an infant and his/her caregiver are usually
very positive. There is reciprocity, as the caregiver uses “baby talk” and the infant responds with
different noises and expressions. These behaviors are reinforcing for both people. 2. The lasting
importance of parent-child interaction: Their role in attachment style a) The “quality of the interaction”
between babies and their caregivers impacts upon the child as they move through adolescence and
adulthood. Parent-child interaction patterns often guide interactions in later relationships (friendships
and romantic relationships). b) Attachment style refers to how secure one feels in their relationships.
Infants are thought to adopt two basic attitudes: (1) Self-Esteem: Our attitudes toward ourselves along a
positive- negative dimension. Depending on the interactions with a caregiver, a child develops a sense
that they are cherished and loved or a sense that they have no value. (2) Interpersonal Trust: Our
attitudes about others; whether or not they are reliable and dependable. c) Research indicates that we
develop our sense of self-esteem and interpersonal trust very early in life (even before we begin to use
spoken language). d) Depending on our level of self-esteem and interpersonal trust, we may develop
one of four possible attachment styles: (LO 7) (1) Secure attachment style involves high self-esteem and
high interpersonal trust. This style is the most desirable and leads to very positive outcomes, including
enduring and rewarding relationships throughout life. (2) Fearful-avoidant attachment style involves low
self-esteem and low interpersonal trust. This is the “least adaptive” style in that relationships are either
avoided or are unhappy. (3) Preoccupied attachment style involves low self-esteem and high
interpersonal trust. This style leads to a very strong motive to establish relationships coupled with a fear
of rejection. (4) Dismissing attachment style involves high self-esteem and low interpersonal trust. This
is a conflicted style in that an individual feels deserving of a good relationship, but is suspicious of
possible partners.

(1) Learning about love from our childhood through movies, songs, and fairy tales about love. (2) Finding
an appropriate love object, usually meaning an attractive, unattached person. (3) Physiological arousal
must be present and interpreted as love (this is rooted in Schachter’s (1964) theory of emotion). f)
Unrequited love involves falling in love with someone who does not love us in return. 3. The origins of
love can be traced back to our ancestors. It was adaptive to seek out a mate, reproduce, and work
together to care for children. “Bonding was important to the success of the species.” So we may come
into the world with a genetic predisposition to seek out a partner we love and to reproduce. 4. Several
kinds of love. Though passionate love is a common occurrence, it is too intense and too overwhelming
to be maintained as a permanent emotional state. There are other kinds of love: a) Companionate love
is a critical component of a long-lasting relationship. This refers to love that is based on reciprocal
attraction, common interests, respect, and caring about another’s well-being. b) Sternberg’s (1986)
triangular model of love proposes that a love relationship contains three parts: (1) Intimacy: the
closeness and strength of the tie between the partners. (2) Passion: the physical/sexual attraction
between the partners. (3) Decision/commitment: the cognitive processes involved in deciding if the
partners are in love and are committed to nurturing the relationship. (a) Consummate love occurs when
all three components (intimacy, passion, and decision/commitment) are included in the relationship.
This is what couples should strive for as a model, but it is difficult to reach. c) Research has indicated
that physical attractiveness is an important aspect in maintaining all three parts of love (Sangrador
& Yela, 2000). B. Jealousy: An internal threat to relationships—romantic and otherwise

Feelings of jealousy—concerns that a romantic partner or other person about whom we care deeply
might transfer their affection or loyalty to another—are deeply distressing.

Jealousy is a major factor in a large proportion of homicides.

Growing evidence now points to the conclusion that jealousy is largely the result of threats to one’s self-
esteem.

VI. Selecting romantic Partners: Do Women and Men Differ in What They Seek? (LO 7)

A. The role of physical attractiveness 1. Women’s physical appeal and youth play a stronger role in men’s
preferences for them than men’s physical appeal and youth play in women’s choices of romantic
partners B. Possible future selves and mate preferences. 1. For both men and women, when people
expect to be a provider, they rate homemaker skills in their potential mate as more important than
provider-related skills. When they expect to be a home-maker, they rated provider skills in a potential
mate as more important. 2. In addition, regales of role some gender effect persist, men still prefer
younger mates, and women are still more concerned with provider skills than are men. a) Why do these
gender effects persist? According to an evolutionary perspective, the reason is that females have a
limited age span during which

reproduction is possible, men are usually able to reproduce into old age. Thus men were more
concerned with age than were women. b) As compelling as this evolutionary explanation is, it is not
universally accepted. C. Is the “mating game” a competitive one—or can it involve cooperation too?
Female friends might help each other avoid people they are not interested in.

In contrast, male friends might help each other to gain access to desirable females. D. Secret romances:
enticing , but dangerous (LO 7)

It is clear that secret romances are enticing, but they often come with significant costs in terms of health
and commitment to the relationship.