February 18, 2018

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A workshop presented by the Orange & Rockland SA Intergroup

February 18, 2018

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Index
Making decisions 5

Avoiding slips 6

AA pg. 26 7

AA pg. 31 8

AA pg. 35 9

AA pg. 120 11

You don’t have to slip 12

Three slogans 16

Relapse prevention plan 17

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 February 18, 2018

Schedule

Please make sure

12:15 - 12:30 Registration
you are paid in full

12:30 - 12:50 Opening/Check in

I don’t have to act out

12:50 - 01:20 Duvid K (Monsey)
anymore

01:20 - 01:45 Lunch/Refreshment

Keep your Sobriety first Shmuel F

01:45 - 02:15
to make it last (Lakewood)

02:15 - 02:20 Air out for a minute….

Topic Meeting - Dealing
02:20 - 02:50 with “Im different” Barry S (Montreal)
Syndrom
Topic Meeting –
02:50 - 03:20 Members share
Continuation

03:20 - 03:25 Air out for a minute….

03:25 - 03:30 Checkin by Amrom T

Duvid K, Shmuel F,
03:30 – 04:05 Q&A Panel
Barry S, Amrom T

04:05 - 04:30 Take away Memebrs Share

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 MAKING DECISIONS
SA is a program or action, from the inside out. (SA 57)

Early in SA, I learned that the basic problem in my sexaholism is not my sexual
behavior but my sick thinking. Sexual acting out starts in my mind. When I entertain
lust, it eventually leads to destructive, lustful behavior. If I relapse, it is because I
tried to fight lust or I allowed it in my mind, instead of surrendering it. When I
surrender my will to my Higher Power and have a real change of heart, my sober
thinking leads me to take the actions of love toward myself and others.

I am good at making the big decisions, like "I'll work the Steps," or "I'll be more
attentive to my spouse." Yet, it is the dozens of little daily decisions that are tough:
the decision to surrender a lustful thought, to make a phone call to an SA member,
or to be rigorously honest with someone. These little recovery actions are essentially
the same-choosing the SA solution over the addictive temptation. If I do the next
right thing with the small issues, the big decisions often take care of themselves. The
big decisions provide me the global direction, but it is the little actions of recovery
that give the turn-by-tum navigation for the next right step.

God, let me decide every day to be attentive at my decision making so it can be

part or my recovery process.

(90 days of meditation page 47)

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 AVOIDING SLIPS
… when we began to drink deliberately, instead or casually, there was little serious
or effective thought during the period or premeditation of what the terrific
consequences might be. (AA 37)

Reflecting on my sexaholic history, I can see the two types of relapse mentioned in
Alcoholics Anonymous: casual and deliberate. I recall casually strolling past my own
hidden stash of pornography, feeling confident that no temptation could reach me
– only to find myself acting out later. I also remember when my resistance to lust
melted like snow in a rainstorm. Despite all my pledges of sobriety, I would
deliberately plot the time and place of my next sexual act.

In both instances, I ignored the consequences because I was addicted to lust. Only
as I worked the Steps did I recognize the harm my sexual behavior caused me and
others. Only when I surrendered to my Higher Power did I find release from the
obsession to lust. As I grew in recovery, I learned to take note of any thought or
situation that might lead to a relapse and to take the next right action to avoid a slip.
I thus avoid the "terrific consequences" of lust and enjoy the happy consequences of
recovery – serenity, love, and joy.

God, deliver me today from complacency and lustful thoughts that lead me away
from sobriety.
(90 days of meditation page 75)

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 AA pg. 26:
A certain American business man had ability, good sense, and high character. For
years he had floundered from one sanitarium to another. He had consulted the best
known American psychiatrists. Then he had gone to Europe, placing himself in the
care of a celebrated physician (the psychiatrist, Dr. Jung) who prescribed for him.
Though experience had made him skeptical, he finished his treatment with unusual
confidence.

His physical and mental condition were unusually good. Above all, he believed he
had acquired such a profound knowledge of the inner workings of his mind and its
hidden springs that relapse was unthinkable. Nevertheless, he was drunk in a short
time. More baffling still, he could give himself no satisfactory explanation for his fall.

So he returned to this doctor, whom he admired, and asked him point-blank why he
could not recover. He wished above all things to regain self-control. He seemed quite
rational and well-balanced with respect to other problems. Yet he had no control
whatever over alcohol. Why was this?

He begged the doctor to tell him the whole truth, and he got it. In the doctor’s
judgment he was utterly hopeless; he could never regain his position in society and
he would have to place himself under lock and key or hire a bodyguard if he expected
to live long. That was a great physician’s opinion.

But this man still lives, and is a free man. He does not need a bodyguard nor is he
confined. He can go anywhere on this earth where other free men may go without
disaster, provided he remains willing to maintain a certain simple attitude.

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 AA pg. 31
We have tried every imaginable remedy. In some instances there has been brief
recovery, followed always by a still worse relapse. Physicians who are familiar with
alcoholism agree there is no such thing as making a normal drinker out of an
alcoholic. Science may one day accomplish this, but it hasn’t done so yet.

Despite all we can say, many who are real alcoholics are not going to believe they
are in that class. By every form of self-deception and experimentation, they will try
to prove themselves exceptions to the rule, therefore nonalcoholic. If anyone who is
showing inability to control his drinking can do the right-about-face and drink like a
gentleman, our hats are off to him. Heaven knows, we have tried hard enough and
long enough to drink like other people!

Here are some of the methods we have tried: Drinking beer only, limiting the number
of drinks, never drinking alone, never drinking in the morning, drinking only at home,
never having it in the house, never drinking during business hours, drinking only at
parties, switching from scotch to brandy, drinking only natural wines, agreeing to
resign if ever drunk on the job, taking a trip, not taking a trip, swearing off forever
(with and without a solemn oath), taking more physical exercise, reading
inspirational books, going to health farms and sanitariums, accepting voluntary
commitment to asylums—we could increase the list ad infinitum.

We do not like to pronounce any individual as alcoholic, but you can quickly diagnose
yourself. Step over to the nearest barroom and try some controlled drinking. Try to
drink and stop abruptly. Try it more than once. It will not take long for you to decide,
if you are honest with yourself about it. It may be worth a bad case of jitters if you
get a full knowledge of your condition.

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 AA pg. 35
What sort of thinking dominates an alcoholic who repeats time after time
the desperate experiment of the first drink? Friends who have reasoned
with him after a spree which has brought him to the point of divorce or
bankruptcy are mystified when he walks directly into a saloon. Why does
he? Of what is he thinking?

Our first example is a friend we shall call Jim. This man has a charming wife
and family. He inherited a lucrative automobile agency. He had a
commendable World War record. He is a good salesman. Everybody likes
him. He is an intelligent man, normal so far as we can see, except for a
nervous disposition. He did no drinking until he was thirty-five. In a few years
he became so violent when intoxicated that he had to be committed. On
leaving the asylum he came into contact with us.

We told him what we knew of alcoholism and the answer we had found. He
made a beginning. His family was re-assembled, and he began to work as a
salesman for the business he had lost through drinking. All went well for a
time, but he failed to enlarge his spiritual life. To his consternation, he found
himself drunk half a dozen times in rapid succession. On each of these
occasions we worked with him, reviewing carefully what had happened. He
agreed he was a real alcoholic and in a serious condition. He knew he faced
another trip to the asylum if he kept on. Moreover, he would lose his family
for whom he had a deep affection.

Yet he got drunk again. We asked him to tell Yet he got drunk again. We
asked him to tell us exactly how it happened. This is his story: "I came to
work on Tuesday morning. I remember I felt irritated that I had to be a
salesman for a concern I once owned. I had a few words with the boss, but
nothing serious. Then I decided to drive into the country and see one of my
prospects for a car. On the way I felt hungry so I stopped at a roadside place
where they have a bar. I had no intention of drinking. I just thought I would
get a sandwich. I also had the notion that I might find a customer for a car
at this place, which was familiar for I had been going to it for years. I had
eaten there many times during the months I was sober. I sat down at a table
and ordered a sandwich and a glass of milk. Still no thought of drinking. I
ordered another sandwich and decided to have another glass of milk.

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 "Suddenly the thought crossed my mind that if I were to put an ounce of whiskey in
my milk it couldn't hurt me on a full stomach. I ordered a whiskey and poured it into
the milk. I vaguely sensed I was not being any too smart, but felt reassured as I was
taking the whiskey on a full stomach. The experiment went so well that I ordered
another whiskey and poured it into more milk. That didn't seem to bother me so I
tried another."

Thus started one more journey to the asylum for Jim. Here was the threat
of commitment, the loss of family and position, to say nothing of that
intense mental and physical suffering which drinking always caused him. He
had much knowledge about himself as an alcoholic. Yet all reasons for not
drinking were easily pushed aside in favor of the foolish idea that he could
take whiskey if only he mixed it with milk!

Whatever the precise definition of the word may be, we call this plain
insanity. How can such a lack of proportion, of the ability to think straight,
be called anything else?

You may think this an extreme case. To us it is not far-fetched, for this kind
of thinking has been characteristic of every single one of us. We have
sometimes reflected more than Jim did upon the consequences. But there
was always the curious mental phenomenon that parallel with our sound
reasoning there inevitably ran some insanely trivial excuse for taking the
first drink. Our sound reasoning failed to hold us in check. The insane idea
won out. Next day we would ask ourselves, in all earnestness and sincerity,
how it could have happened.

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 AA pg. 120
Perhaps your husband will make a fair start on the new basis, but just as things are
going beautifully he dismays you by coming home drunk. If you are satisfied he really
wants to get over drinking, you need not be alarmed. Though it is infinitely better
that he have no relapse at all, as has been true with many of our men, it is by no
means a bad thing in some cases. Your husband will see at once that he must
redouble his spiritual activities if he expects to survive. You need not remind him of
his spiritual deficiency - he will know of it. Cheer him up and ask him how you can be
still more helpful.

The slightest sign of fear or intolerance may lessen your husband's chance of
recovery. In a weak moment he may take your dislike of his high-stepping friends as
one of those insanely trivial excuses to drink.

We never, never try to arrange a man's life so as to shield him from temptation. The
slightest disposition on your part to guide his appointments or his affairs so he will
not be tempted will be noticed. Make him feel absolutely free to come and go as he
likes. This is important. If he gets drunk, don't blame yourself. God has either
removed your husband's liquor problem or He has not. If not, it had better be found
out right away. Then you and your husband can get right down to fundamentals. If a
repetition is to be prevented, place the problem, along with everything else, in God's
hands.

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 AA Grapevine Reprint

You Don’t Have to Slip

The newcomer has not been in the group very long, but he has heard a good deal
about slips and has begun to worry about himself. Someone should inform him
emphatically and authoritatively, “You don t have to slip!”

There are a few other members, not newcomers but men and women who have
been around six months to two years who periodically – every few months or every
few weeks – go off on a little binge. Nothing serious, understand, but they evidently
are not getting the program, and certainly are not getting all the benefits of
continuous sobriety. These lapsing members are worried and perhaps a little
ashamed. Someone should take them aside and shout politely, “You don’t have to
slip!”

One of the persuasive bits of evidence that slips are unnecessary is the simple fact
that thousands of members have two, six, ten, and more years of uninterrupted
sobriety. Some of them are not very smart – maybe not as smart as the slippers –
but they are sober.

While it is easy to say that slips are unnecessary, how do you avoid them? After
observing hundreds of AA members over a period of nine years, I have the feeling
that continuous sobriety is, in part at least, a matter of attitudes and that those
attitudes can be cultivated by the member who really wants to stop drinking. The
member who does not want to stop drinking should go elsewhere for advice.

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What are those attitudes? They may vary with the individual, but the following
pattern should fit a good many cases.

Attitude I. Sobriety Must Come First – For Me. The member who tries to make AA
second or third-class hobby usually has trouble. We have a Number One problem
and we have to treat it as such. Sobriety cannot defer to job, family, friends,
neighbors, pain, embarrassment, anonymity – or to anything else! If we do not have
sobriety we ultimately will not have any of the things we hold dear. While the “high
bottom” drinker may not have lost much of anything – yet – someday he may lose
everything if he continues to drink. If he gets sober and stays sober, then everything
else usually falls into place and the more he has of other things the more he can
enjoy them.

Hence, the member who really wants to stay sober should place sobriety as his first
objective and then rearrange his life accordingly.

Slips often occur when a member does not feel well. He is nervous, jittery, about to
explode. A second situation that prompts a drink is one of expected personal
embarrassment. The alcoholic is out with friends or business associates and he just
cannot say “No.” The next two attitudes relate to these frequently encountered
situations.

Attitude II. I Will Suffer This Pain. It will Pass. Even If I Die Now I will Die Sober. The
nervous situation is the basis of many slips. The alcoholic begins to shake mentally
and sometimes physically. He gets so excited he nearly loses his reason. He feels as
though he might go right through the ceiling. Physical pain may also be in the picture.
Relief from physical pain sometimes seems to be an excuse to drink – not a sufficient
excuse of course – but it serves the alcoholic who wants a reason.

This kind of nervous or painful condition is familiar to most alcoholics. Some who
have been dry many years have to put up with it from time to time. They recognize
the situation, however, and know that the feeling will pass. Newer members may
not be so sure, but they should resolve not to drink even if they are going to die on
the spot. Not many alcoholics actually die in this manner, but when you are willing
to die for your sobriety you will probably stay sober.

Attitude III. I Will Suffer Any Embarrassment for My Sobriety. Fear of what friends
or associates will think or say has led many alcoholics to take a drink. They fear the
pink ears and burning cheeks. They conjure up in their minds all the accumulated
ridicule of their colleagues. This type of situation is a great mental hazard for many
new members and others not so new. They can survive these situations if they will
cultivate the following line of thought:

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“I've suffered terrible embarrassment in the past because of my drinking. If I drink
again I will suffer still· greater embarrassment in the future. So why not suffer a little
embarrassment for sobriety? I will refuse that drink even if a dozen people point to
me with scorn. Even if I fall down in confusion and disgrace, I will not drink!”

Actually, the frightful embarrassment with which the alcoholic mentally wrestles
practically never occurs – but the alcoholic must be prepared for it. If he resolves to
die of embarrassment rather than to take a drink he will almost certainly stay sober.

Attitude IV. Sobriety Must Be Earned. Sobriety cannot be bought with money. Many
of us tried that to no avail. But sobriety has its price and if we try to buy it too cheaply
it may elude us. Hence, if I attend two meetings a week and do not get sober I will
step up my program to four or five meetings and also increase my other AA activity:
work in the kitchen, chauffeur others to meetings, go to lunch with other members,
help at Intergroup, make hospital calls, read AA literature a few minutes each day,
use the telephone more (particularly if I am debating about a drink) and so on.

This intensification of activity has particular applicability to members who have been
around some time but with limited success. They may be trying to buy sobriety too
cheaply. It usually can't be done. Sure, Joe stays dry without going to many meetings.
Some few stay dry on their own... but what has that to do with me?

If a member finds he is not “getting the program” he should consider whether he

ought to increase the volume of his AA activity. In other words, give – not money –
but of himself, more generously. Naturally this fuller scope of activity may mean
some sacrifice. Perhaps that too is necessary.

Attitude V. Try to Put Greater Emphasis on Personal Contact with That Higher
Power. Some new members may not be ready for those Steps which relate to the
Higher Power. For them the cultivation of Attitude V may have to be delayed; but
they can probably read this short section without doing violence to their principles.

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Some of us who enjoy sobriety ask that Higher Power each morning for grace to get
through another day. “No matter what happens, don't let me take that first drink
today – no matter what happens!"

At night we give thanks for the day just gone and look forward to the morrow,
humbly asking Him “for twenty-four more hours of sincerity, sobriety, and serenity”;
asking His help tomorrow to “improve the quality as well as to increase the quantity”
of our sobriety.

We don't feel compelled to limit our requests to the morning and evening. When we
enter that restaurant with the boss and two VPs; when we walk off the eighteenth
green and head for the clubhouse; when we feel alone in that distant city; what is
wrong with repeating, “No matter what happens, don't let me take that first drink!”

That is conscious contact with God! It is as simple as that. And it won't do the slipping
agnostic or atheist much damage. Who knows, it may get him sober. Nothing else
has, so what has he to lose?

These five attitudes by no means tell the whole story. Some members may have to
think through other approaches for themselves but these five are basic to a wide
range of cases.

They emphasize to us that sobriety must be our first concern and that to obtain it
we should be willing to suffer any pain or embarrassment.

We try to earn our sobriety by giving of ourselves generously rather than stingily and
we maintain close contact with that Higher power through supplication and
thanksgiving.

You don't have to slip and if you cultivate these five suggested attitudes, you
probably won't!

It's worth a try, anyway.

-Anonymous, Scarsdale, NY

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 Meditation

Three slogans
Acceptance is a big part of my program today. Acceptance keeps me out of
expectations (premeditated resentments), resentments, and revisited resentments.
I can take “hits” off of any of these, and these hits can lead me directly to lust. One
thing that helps me a great deal is using three simple slogans.

“It is what it is.” This reminds me that the circumstances of my life, in this very
moment, are what they are. It is of no use to fret over them. “You are Who You are”
speaks of the awesome greatness of my God. He is the great I AM. He can handle
any situation that is confronting me. “I am who I am” tells me that I am exactly who
God wants me to be in this very moment. It doesn't mean that I don't have character
defects that need to be changed. It just means that today l accept where I am in the
process.

“It is what it is.” “You are Who You are.” “I am who I am.” All are good slogans to
remember on the road of recovery.
-Nancy’s.

Copyright© The AA Grapevine, Inc. (September 1955). Reprinted with permission, Permission to reprint The AA Grapevine,
Inc., copyrighted material In Essay does not in any way imply affiliation with or endorsement by either Alcoholics Anonymous
or The AA Grapevine, Inc. Submitted to Essay by Anonymous SA member

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 Relapse Prevention Plan:

Source Essay (SA Quarterly News Letter) 2nd qtr. 2008

During an SA retreat I recently attended, I lead a session that was focused on Relapse
Prevention and, specifically, on recognizing early warning signs and talking
immediate remedial action in order to stay sober and progressing in recovery.
Participants shared their experiences, many of which are listed below. I've found this
to be a useful tool for myself and my sponsees.

Part of the impetus for this is found in the member's story at the beginning of the
WB. On page 15 the narrator states in part, “Then one night out of nowhere a
prostitute jumped into my car.” (Emphasis added) I use to think my own behaviors
occurred “out of nowhere,” ignoring the reality that a whole lot of choices put me in
the situation and in the state of mind and spirit that brought about the lust related
experience. It was never “out of nowhere.”

I would like to invite any who are willing to do so, to share warning signs they've
experienced and specific actions they have taken in response to such signs.

I. Early Warning Signs (the following are signs shared by workshop

participants):

 “SLIP” – “Sobriety Losing Its Priority” “SLIP” – “Sobriety Loss I Planned”

 “Half measures avail us noting” -- “Full measures half time avail us nothing”
 Not bringing things into the light - keeping secrets Becoming complacent -
feeling of being in control Deteriorating relationships
 The inner landscape: fears, angers, resentments, self-pity triggered
Staring, taking second looks, rubber-necking
 Sexualizing people - depersonalization/objectifying Use of fantasy-lustful
recall
 Inappropriate self-touching Positioning self to “enhance the view”
Engaging in flirting - intrigue Stalking, spying
 Preparation “just in case” Previewing the environment Using sexual
innuendo or humor
 Cruising non-porn: catalogs, ads, art books, etc. Having the porn/lust radar
out
 Getting into sobriety definition debate
 “I can handle this attitude” - not asking for help
 Absent-mindedness, day-dreaming, being easily distracted using other
addictive behaviors, e.g., food, alcohol, etc.

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 Justifying little things as unimportant: “SUDS” - Seemingly Unimportant
Decisions Engaging in negative self-talk
 Playing the victim Minimizing things
 Testing computer blocks Channel-surfing Voyeuring of self
 Eating lots of sugar - unhealthy eating patterns Keeping small things hidden
 Looking at non-porn images for a «hit”
 Not making human connections- getting into isolation Vanity
 Blaming others - not accepting responsibility
 Breaking rules, such as traffic, etc. - “the rules don' t apply to me” Boredom
 Feelings of entitlement Testing myself Deteriorating attitudes
 Not praying in the morning or evening
 A feeling of wanting, wanting, wanting Dishonesty
 Not taking care of myself Taking credit for my recovery Too much
unplanned time alone Chaos-making behavior
 Not attending meetings
 Resorting to half-truths
 Increased obsessing about things
 Not calling sponsor Immediately after going through stressful experience
Immediately after experiencing success or celebration Distancing self from
Higher Power/ God
 Working someone else's program
 Deciding to hold on to character defects
 Not avoiding slipper1 places / situations Being stressed or worried
 Feeling disconnected
 Taking other people for granted
 Not getting sufficient sleep or exercise Difficulties at work
 Breaking boundaries - using shortcuts
 Not doing daily step work, admitting powerlessness, surrendering, asking
for help, taking inventory, making amends, etc.
 Not making sobriety a priority

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II. Preventive Measures when discovering Early Warning Signs (the
following are actions shared by workshop participants)

 Work the Steps

 Talk to sponsor, in detail Use the phone
 Tell someone now
 Get to a meeting as soon as possible -including open AA meetings if needed
 Read recovery literature Pray - “hit your knees” Use reality checks
Journaling
 Write and/or review letter to self-Confront fears
 Ask Godin Use counseling
 Write about what is bothering self, Rigorous honesty
 Remember the pain and loss
 Surrender
 Keep learning
 Remember joy of recovery
 “Turn your head, move your feet” - take action Ask “What would a sober/
sane person do?”
 Get out of self
 Work with another SA
 Get busy
 Read the 12 Promises
 Do what I don't want to do –
 Take the action and the feelings will follow Remember the addict never
sleeps
 Remember the addict lies
 Run the reel through to the end
 Remember, “I am not smarter than my addict.”
 Stay in the present
 Meditate on Serenity Prayer
 Acknowledge what I am feeling
 Use slogans: One day at a time; Easy does it; Keep it simple; This too shall
pass, etc.
 Stay out of denial
 Do an act of kindness
 Park my Ego
 Take an accountability action “Bookend” risky situations
 Always have a plan and use it Make a gratitude list

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  Take directions from sponsor or recovering person
 Use positive self-talk
 Take an action of love

Put yourself into “Intensive Care” - Create an intensive care plan and go over it with
your sponsor or an intensive care accountability partner. Include such things as a
daily calendar listing all activities for the day; a boundary checklist to be used on a
daily basis; a list of positive sobriety actions with a checklist for each day showing
which were used that day; a prayer journal; and such other aspects as are necessary
in your particular situation. Use plan for a fixed period of at least 30 days, and extend
as necessary. Remove yourself from the Problem and ground yourself firmly in the
Solution.

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