Forgiveness and Compassion
In today’s quote from the New Testament, why is compassion linked with being non-
judgmental? Simple. You can’t be compassionate when you’re sitting in judgment of a person!
Since we’re talking about compassion in this chapter and for the purpose of communicating
clearly together, let’s consider this definition for the human concept of compassion. It
originates from the Latin word: compassus which means “to sympathize,” and is made up of the
words co (with) + pati (to suffer). Or to put it in modern terms of use: Compassion is the deep
awareness of the suffering of another coupled with the wish to relieve it.
On my personal spiritual path, compassion has been an extremely important aspect of my
expression of unconditional love. It’s my experience that no matter what religious philosophy
or tradition we study, one of the common factors inherent to them all is the concept of
compassion. I believe our religious and philosophical traditions contain this idea for good
reason. Simply put, compassion helps us to become more loving, kind, forgiving and
understanding, and in the end, we’re happier, more fulfilled human beings.
Let’s say I see a homeless person begging and I think to myself, “He can get a job if he wants to.
I certainly don’t feel bad for him.” What’s really going on in my mind?
These types of statements include a vast range of beliefs, assumptions, & judgments, like:
• He’s worse off than me.
• He could work if he wanted to.
• People like him are bad.
• You get what you deserve in life.
• He made his bed and he can lie in it.
• He’s obviously happy the way he’s or he would change.
• He’s too lazy to work.
• He probably drinks and is a bum.
• He’s a worthless drain on society.
But – are these statements truth? The truth is even if we think we know someone well, we still
only know what we believe about them based on our judgments and beliefs of what we see,
rather than actually knowing their life story. A person's life circumstances are the culmination
of everything they believe and have experienced and the totality of choices they have made.
(And have any of us chosen well in our lives 100 percent of the time? I think not! )
Certainly these kinds of statements contain self-importance, not compassion. Our ego-mind
(the “I”) perceives itself as separate and distinct from the world and others and is the source of
our self-importance. If we believe we’re better off than a homeless person, for example, this is
only the self-important pride of the ego-mind and its judgments and beliefs speaking.
When we truly and deeply understand the oneness of all life, we have humility. We no longer
have the desire to put ourselves above others and make others less than us. (Learning to
master the ego-mind is an important lesson, one that we will touch on throughout our time
together.) Humility is not about making yourself less than another. True humility is the result of
understanding that all beings are of equal importance in life. We can call this way of perceiving
equanimity. When we embody this, we treat everyone equally with respect and kindness as if
they were Christ, Allah, Krishna, Buddha, or God.
Without equanimity, we can’t have true compassion. It’s easy to feel compassion for someone
suffering for reasons you feel drawn to, like a child dying of hunger in Africa. But compassion
doesn’t always come easily when we find the person repulsive or not worthy of our compassion
– like a suicide bomber, rapist or clergy member who’s guilty of sexual abuse. Truly, we’re
hypocritical when we pick and choose what and whom we feel compassion towards. The Dalai
Lama once said, “Genuine compassion must be unconditional. We must cultivate equanimity in
order to transcend any feelings of discrimination and partiality.”
If love is to be unconditional then it must have no rules – no if's, and's or but's, no judgment.
The same applies to compassion. Are we really being compassionate and forgiving if we only
allow ourselves to love members of our own country, race or religion? Of course not, because
that involves judgment and separation and is conditional.
So let’s sit with this today and honestly consider how compassionate we truly are and how we
can challenge ourselves to truly be in service to life.
