introduction

At times, transitions in life are celebratory events—planned for and anticipated. You
debate over the perfect place to honeymoon, playfully argue over baby names, and wile
away your days at the Home Depot picking out paint chips for your first home. These
are the thrilling and memorable stepping stones of life and the emotional glue that
binds your relationships.
But other transitions are not so lovely. Certain events can knock you off your feet
and strike viciously without warning. Death, divorce, and job loss can leave you in
survival mode as you battle to exist in a world that has been radically altered by unex-
pected devastation.
No matter what the circumstance, whether positive or negative, a life transition
ushers in a period of change as you move away from your old way of living into
a new or modified paradigm. And all of this movement from the known to the un-
known creates stress, uncertainty, and anxiety. These transitions can also bring times
of reflection, reorientation of your core beliefs, and deep questions of faith. In this
contemplative space are some of the greatest opportunities for a church to engage in
effective outreach.
This type of ministry is what the church was meant to do in a hurting world. These
are great moments for your congregation to become the hands and feet of the Lord—to
support, assist, and provide biblical truth to the people in your community who are
experiencing life transitions.
The purpose of this book is to highlight specific transitions that can draw people
into a renewed spiritual awakening, an openness towards Christian community, and
ultimately into a relationship with Jesus Christ. We pray your church will be a trusted
resource with effective needs-based outreach ministry for those adjusting to new life-
styles and to those needing the comfort and direction of God.

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 1.. marriage everything after ' i do''
Marriage is God’s creation. It is a covenant relationship between a man and a woman
for companionship and intimacy. But far beyond society’s norms of marriage as a
romantic outlet, a destination of happiness, or even a financial co-mingling between
couples, the biblical picture of the husband and wife relationship is intended to model
the sacrificial relationship between Christ and his church.

That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they
become one flesh.
—GENESIS 2:24 (NIV) **

But all too often in our culture of “me-centric” relationships, newly married
couples—even professed Christian couples—don’t understand the purpose of the
marriage relationship from God’s perspective. Effective marriage outreach needs to
approach marriage holistically from courtship, through the wedding ceremony, into the
daily struggles, and deep into the trenches.

engagement:
walk down the aisle of love
When Danielle and Chris became engaged, their thoughts inevitably turned to wedding
planning and all the hoopla a reception and ceremony would entail. Danielle dreamed
of walking down the aisle during a church wedding with a big white dress and her
father at her side. But making this dream come true appeared to be a daunting task;
the couple was not currently connected to a church, though both had grown up in the
Christian faith. Danielle was also apprehensive about finding a pastor to marry them,
one who would not condemn them for their current lifestyle of cohabitation and who
would also take the time to get to know them.
A friend referred Danielle to Mariners Church in Irvine, California, and suggested she
take a look at their picturesque wedding chapel and consider meeting with one of their
pastors. So Danielle hesitantly scheduled an appointment with a pastor on staff and the
chapel coordinator to discuss their impending nuptials. It turned out to be just the impetus
Danielle and Chris needed to get reconnected to their faith and into Christian community.

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 Pastor Tim Keller recommended the two go through pre-marital counseling with a
group of engaged couples, and he continued to meet with them on a regular basis to
discuss matters of faith and encourage them. By the time they walked down the aisle,
the couple had recommitted their lives to following Jesus, found a new group of friends
through the church’s young couples’ ministry, and were taking drastic steps to move
towards God and honoring their relationship with each other.
Pastors and leaders of outreach-minded churches see engaged couples as people
in need of their church’s ministry and the love and grace of Christ. A couple prepar-
ing for a life together can make many mistakes without the perspective of a Christian
community to assist them. It’s a great opportunity for a church to offer servant-style
evangelism and gain a new young couple for the Kingdom.

Outreach to Engaged or Seriously Dating Couples

• Offer pre-marital workshops
• Schedule pre-marital counseling with a pastor
• Organize a young couples’ ministry
• Supply a Wedding Event Coordinator
• Develop and offer budget workshops

marriage: firm foundations

Once the vows are read and the china is put away, the real work of marriage begins,
and it’s surprising to many couples how big an investment marriage actually is. Very
quickly, many Christian couples recognize the need for help and accountability in navi-
gating the tricky waters of domestic bliss, and they begin to actively look for programs
to assist them. With a little organic marketing and spreading the word around town,
it can be your church they turn to for help. Offering a seminar or regularly scheduled
class on marriage basics and healthy relationships is a great way to reach out to fami-
lies and foster community.
Willow Creek Community Church in South Barrington, Illinois, knows the power
of helping marriages succeed. Along with a thriving marriage ministry, they regularly
host a marriage workshop called “Marriage Matters” to equip their congregation with
essential tools for strong relationships. “It is a class designed for couples and mar-
ried individuals who want to enrich, restore, or make a significant investment in their
marriage,” states Gayle DiMartino, director of the marriage ministry at Willow Creek.

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 The group participants are given practical skills to confront marital difficulties, resolve
ongoing struggles, and identify next steps for spiritual and emotional growth.

a bump in the marital road

When couples are struggling, they may turn to the church as a last-ditch effort to try
and save their marriage. Your church can provide the comprehensive array of support
and resources a couple facing tough times will need to weather the storm.
Rock Harbor Church in Costa Mesa, California, wants their congregants’ marriages
to be much more than just held together. They want Jesus to be enthroned in their rela-
tionships in such a way that it sets the partners apart as followers of Jesus Christ. They
want to see a community filled with compelling marriages. Through courses, confer-
ences, and mentoring relationships, Rock Harbor Church is reaching out to assist both
the healthy and hurting marriages in their community

Resources for Marriage Ministry

• First Steps to Launch a Marriage Ministry
• Plan a Marriage Retreat
• Fireproof Your Marriage
• Courageous
• The Art of Marriage (Couples Kit)
• The Love Dare
• Focus on the Family Marriage Ministry

2. on the move
When the Bliss family moved into their new neighborhood in Ladera Ranch, California,
one of the first items that caught their eye was a bright and catchy postcard they received
in the mail inviting them for coffee and a worship service at Mountain View Church in
nearby Mission Viejo. The next weekend they attended the church for the first time.
It is estimated that each year 40 million people move into a new residence. Moving

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 can be an awkward time of transition—unfamiliar, isolating, and even overwhelming
at times. Add the effects of a poor economy, and it’s likely that many of these families
have been forced to move due to financial hardship or loss of employment. People who
are generally closed to a church invitation may be open to spiritual discussions and
support from your church for the first time in this stressful situation.
Use this opportunity to initiate a welcome to a new family to the neighborhood and
invite them to join you for worship services on Sunday. Offer a free gift as an incen-
tive—a cup of coffee, a local guide to businesses, or a book of fun and inexpensive
things to do.
Your church can be a catalyst to helping a new neighbor get connected, find support,
and successfully navigate the ins and outs of living in a brand new community. Your
church may even provide their first new friends. This ministry has huge potential for
introducing people to Christ in a warm, natural, non-threatening way.

Reaching Out to New Families in Your Community

• The New Mover Outreach Program—Find affordable and automatic monthly
mailings designed exclusively for your area.
• Network with local real estate agents and provide a card and a small gift to
the new homeowners when escrow closes.
• Follow up within two weeks of sending out a mailer.
• Advertise in local papers or real estate magazines.
• Be a part of community events—hand out water with your church label at 5K
races, do face painting at the annual harvest carnival, or grab some volunteers
and assist with the local pancake breakfast.
• Organize a “next-steps” event and invite your new neighbors.

3. growing through divorce

In the last year alone, close to a million people in the United States moved towards
the dissolution of their marriage. The divorce rate for first marriages is a whopping
50%, while 65% of second marriages end in divorce. When you consider the number
of children and families directly affected by broken marriages, the tragedy of divorce
becomes even more staggering.
“Divorce recovery is an opportunity to come alongside and help people who don’t
even know if they can get out of bed the next day,” says Steve Arterburn, author of

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 Every Man’s Marriage and founder and chairman of New Life Ministries, the na-
tion’s largest faith-based broadcast, counseling, and treatment ministry. “When I went
through a divorce, I wanted to crawl into a hole and come out once a year. But I was
fortunate to have some really good church people around me who invited me to a
divorce care group and helped heal that wound.”
Arterburn suggests that most newly divorced people will receive little nurturing if
churches don’t provide it. “There aren’t a lot of New Age divorce recovery groups. The
church seems to be the place you go to for divorce recovery.”
St. Andrew’s Presbyterian Church in Newport Beach, California, recognized a grow-
ing population of divorced families in their church and their community at large and
launched a relevant divorce ministry as a local outreach effort to reach hurting families
with the love of Jesus Christ. St. Andrew's offers a six-week Divorce Recovery Work-
shop, repeated throughout the year, to guide people through the restoration and healing
process. Jim Smoke, who authored the book Growing Through Divorce, which St.
Andrew’s uses in their workshop, has said, “You can go through a divorce or you can
grow through it.”

Resources for Divorce Ministry

• DivorceCare—Everything your church staff needs to launch an effective
divorce ministry. Materials, consultation, training for lay-volunteers, and small
group set-up.
• DivorceCare for Kids—A ministry for kids to heal from divorce.
• Walking the Christian Life (.com)—A Christian Divorce Recovery and Life
after Divorce website, including links to books on divorce and free Christian
books.
• Hope Again: Marriage Ministry—An informative article featured on
ChurchLeaders.com with great insight and resources for hurting families.

4. and baby makes three

When Stacy and Scott Smith married, they intertwined not only their lives but their
faith, as well. Scott was raised in the Protestant tradition and Stacy came from a Jewish
family, but neither was openly practicing their faith as they matured into young adults.
Once they started a family and added two adorable little girls into the mix, they found
themselves longing to raise their children in the church—but what church to attend was
now a dilemma.

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 Stacy was invited to attend a mothers’ group at Saddleback Church in Lake For-
est, California, called Treasured, where she made new friends in her same life stage.
Gradually Stacy grew to learn the biblical meaning of godly motherhood as well as
what it meant to simply be God’s child. After a few months, Stacy chose to follow
Jesus and brought her family along with her to attend Saddleback’s Sunday services, to
the delight of her husband. Stacy credits the mothers’ group for accepting her and chal-
lenging her to grow as a woman, mother, wife, and follower of Jesus Christ.
New mothers often feel isolated and lonely, especially if they have left the work-
force and are now home full-time raising small children. Your church can provide a
loving and warm outreach ministry to these mothers with little or no extra expense
through volunteer leadership and minimal pastoral oversight.

Resources for a Mothers Ministry

• Mothers of Preschoolers (MOPS)
• Moms in Touch International a prayer ministry
• Mom to Mom Ministries
• Hope and Help for the Single Mom

5. untimely parting
The loss of a loved one is a tremendous blow. The stages of shock, grief, and healing
can be long and arduous. There are times it feels like the pain will never end, and often
this sorrow accompanies a major life adjustment through loss of income or prolonged
depression. Your church can play a vital role in comforting and ministering to an indi-
vidual or family faced with death, spiritual questions, and hopelessness.
Compass Bible Church in Aliso Viejo, California, understands that navigating an
individual or family through healing is a community effort mandated by Scripture to
comfort those who are mourning. In light of this, Compass has developed a care and
prayer ministry to meet the needs of their congregation and to reach out to new mem-
bers. Compass offers a wide range of care and ministry programs to the community
and provides an effective model for successful outreach, including:

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 • Funeral assistance and planning
• Prayer, including a prayer quilt ministry
• Home and hospital visitation
• Greeting cards and meals for those needing comfort

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compas-
sion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can
comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.
For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ
our comfort overflows."
—2 Corinthians 1:3–5

6. second chance
(and third and fourth ) ...
For many years the church has been on the fringe of the recovery effort; possibly a
church basement would open up once a week for an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting or
some type of secular recovery group. But recently there has been a renewed interest in
ministering to this growing population and a heightened sense of awareness regarding
the church’s role in this arena. God’s Word says “it is for freedom that we have been
set free,” and we are compelled to rescue and bring to Christ those “burdened by a
yoke of slavery” and dependency (Galatians 5:1).
For a church with limited resources, a good first-step into ministering to the needs of
the recovering community might be to:

First Step to Recovery Outreach

• Invite bridge support groups (AA, SA) to meet on your campus
• Host a speaker/seminar or recovery workshop (The Genesis Process)

Another approach is to develop a care and recovery ministry alongside the other minis-
tries in your church, like the one at The Crossing Church in Costa Mesa, California. The
Crossing has fully integrated their recovery ministry—Lifelines—into the congregation
with a recovery pastor overseeing it. A church that follows this model may want to:

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 Recovery Ministry Ideas
• Offer long-term 12-Step support groups
• Develop a referral network to counselors specializing in addiction
• Organize recovery retreats
• Host a weekly teaching/recovery night
• Offer a peer counseling program
• Make connections with local treatment centers and sober-living facilities

7. leaving a legacy
Transitioning from the workforce into retirement can leave a senior adult feeling uncer-
tain about purpose and direction. Consider starting a ministry directed towards seniors
as an effective method to reach out to the older adults in your community.
A seniors’ ministry not only blesses the individuals you will minister to, but the
greater church as well, because seniors have a wealth of insight, wisdom, and time that
those in other life stages lack. Seniors are also willing volunteers and enjoy service.
They are in an ideal stage in life to mentor, encourage the younger generations, and to
give back to their church and community.
Mariners Church in Irvine, California, successfully tapped into this growing popula-
tion (34% of adults) and launched a vibrant 55+ ministry called Fellowshippers Minis-
try. which meets the specific needs of the older adult population in the local area.
Fellowshippers’ purpose is to “minister to the needs of senior adults ... to grow
spiritually, help them feel loved and cared for, promote fellowship with one another,
and serve others by reaching out to their community and the world.”

Keys to a Strong Seniors’ Ministry

• Start a senior adults’ ministry
• Host social events especially for seniors
• Offer volunteering opportunities
• Plan travel/missions opportunities
• Host a small group Bible study especially for senior adults
• Life coaching (transitioning from full-time employment to significant ministering)

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 8. the world is not enough
Garrett and Tracy Shleichter pursued all that the world had to offer—a lucrative career
in law, a beautiful home in an affluent community, and vacations to exotic locales.
Blessed with beauty, health, a wide social circle, and two children, it would appear
they had everything by society’s materialistic standards. But Tracy couldn’t shake the
feeling that something was missing. Deep within her she craved a joy and satisfaction
only God could offer.
After a neighbor extended an invitation, Tracy began attending Crossline Church in
Laguna Hills, California, and heard the gospel message of Jesus preached. Tracy joined
a women’s Bible study and soon enjoyed godly female friends who encouraged and
prayed with her. Within a few months, she made the commitment to make Jesus her
Savior, but her husband Garrett, a devout intellectual, was more reluctant.
Garrett required having all his questions addressed before he would make any life-
altering decisions. Garrett began meeting with a pastor each week, researching biblical
authenticity and attending a men’s Bible study. Unbeknownst to Tracy, Garrett also
prayed for a sign from God.
It was a little boy in a toy store that sealed the deal. A child wielding a sword ran
around a corner and struck Garrett with the toy weapon, proclaiming, “This is what
they used to kill Jesus with.” For Garrett, this was the sign he needed to follow Jesus
(even though he jokes “it wasn’t exactly historically accurate”).
Building an intentional and invitational church culture will allow your church to
reach out into your community to capture the hearts of couples like Garrett and Tracy.

Tips to Build an Invitational Church

• Equip your congregation with evangelical tools
• Hold a seminar/workshop on the “Power of a Testimony”
• Offer discipleship classes
• Hold relevant forums on cultural hot topics
• Offer men’s and women’s Bible studies
• Invite those with questions to meet with the pastor
• Encourage your congregation to invite their neighbors, family, and friends
• Hand out invitations to your congregation to share for special events (i.e.,
Christmas and Easter)
• Plan a children’s ministry door-to-door neighborhood invitation blitz. Print out
flyers, add a candy treat, and buy the kids pizza afterwards.

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 9. growing up is hard to do
Parents of teenagers all have the same confused look—that desperate and over-
whelmed “who stole my child?” grimace. It happened so unexpectedly. In an instant,
your jovial and loving pre-teen child disappears, to only be replaced by a defiant, sul-
len, and entitled kid with a decidedly mean streak. Teenagers tend to have a similar
look—but their faces represent a struggle for independence and identity apart from
Mom and Dad.
This is the crucial moment when both parents and their teenagers either call for
backup or give in to frustration and conflict. Your church can be a catalyst to helping
parents and teens develop a relationship with Christ that can assist them in this phase
of their lives and bring them closer to each other, to God, and to your church.

Steps to Reach Out to Teens and Parents of Teens

1. Start a youth ministry
a. Host fun, teen-oriented events for outreach into your community
b. Ask the teens in your church to invite their friends
c. Organize small groups for teens
d. Set up a teen/mentor program
e. Provide pastoral counseling and or referrals to parents and teens
f. Plan teen retreats
g. Plan teen service projects
2. Hold a parenting seminar or workshop
Possible topics: Protecting Your Kids From the Internet, How to Talk to Your
Kids about Sex, Love and Dating, Biblical Discipline
3. Offer support groups and resources for parents

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 10. next on the horizon
Unemployment can have a devastating impact on the members of your congregation.
It can cause them to struggle with uncertainty, frustration, and the inevitable stress of
searching for a new job. This is where your church can bridge the gap by utilizing what
you have—business owners and resources from within the church—to reach out to
those who are in need of job support, mentorship, and career guidance.
A career ministry’s ultimate goal is to introduce people to the God who has “plans to
prosper and not to harm, plans to give hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11). Partici-
pants can connect with others who can provide leads for employment and encourage-
ment as the search continues. Consider the following ideas to help you reach out into a
group of people who might have never considered the church as a resource in this area.

Tips to Build a Career Ministry

• Start a Career Support Ministry
• Network with employers in the congregation
• Offer resume-building workshops
• Host a job fair
• Interviewing skills workshop
• Arrange a job shadow
• Host a faith-based weekly support group
• Offer skills assessment tests

** Scriptures taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984,
2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com.

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