Gameshow
Host: Hello my lovely audience! Welcome to your favorite game show of the evening.
I’m your host and tonight our contestants will be fighting for the most stupendous
prize ever seen before on television.
Co-host: Well, what would that be?
Host: Free counseling from a renowned licensed therapist!
Co-host: Excuse me?
Host: Yes! These days the majority of people struggle with mental illnesses. There
isn’t any problem my dear Co-Host, is there?
Co-host: I guess that makes sense. (?) So, no one is going to get any money if they
win?
Host: Nope.
Co-host: Really?
Host: Oh stop with your ridiculous questions. Let’s not keep our audience waiting. May
the contestants move their way up onto stage?
Contestant #1: Oh my word. I cannot believe I’m here on live television. Could
someone pinch me?
Co-host: I’ll do it.
Contestant #1: Ow! It was a metaphor! You don't go around actually pinching people
when they say things like that.
Co-host: I was just trying to help.
Contestant #2: Hey kid, how long have you been working here? Two months? A
month?
Co-host: This is my first show.
Contestant #2: Wow, that makes a lot of sense. Leave it to the professionals. You’re
just going to embarrass yourself.
Host: Now, let’s all get along.
Contestant #3: Time is an illusion. Life is meaningless. All we have is the distractions
to keep us going.
Co-host: Is that guy okay? He seems mentally ill.
Host: Remember when I said “These days the majority of people struggle with mental
illnesses”? Now do you understand?
Co-host: I don’t want to be here anymore.
Host: Onto our first question of the night. What is the lifespan of a couch in days?
Co-host: What in the world? You know, I won’t even ask.
Contestant #1: I know! I have the answer.
Host: Yes, go ahead ma’am.
Contestant #1: Forever.
Host: Is that really your answer? I mean, I said in days.
Contestant #1: I’m positive.
Host: Well, it looks like you’re incorrect.
Contestant #2: What kind of answer was that?
Contestant #1: I thought it was pretty close.
Host: Does anyone else want to give it a go?
Contestant #3: It’s 2958 days.
Host: Looks like we’ve got a know-it-all in our mix!
Co-host: I personally think he’s desperate for that prize.
Host: Let’s all settle down. It’s now time for our second question. How many calories
do you consume when you lick a postage stamp?
Contestant #2: The answer is none.
Host: Are you sure your answer is correct?
Contestant #2: I’ve been watching this specific game show for 15 years. I would never
in my life get a simple trivia question wrong.
Host: It looks like never may be losing its meaning because my good sir, that is
incorrect.
Contestant #1: Revenge truly does taste sweet.
Contestant #3: It’s 1/10th of a calorie per postage stamp.
Host: I didn’t even ask for another contestant to answer but it looks like this young
man right here is on the top of his game.
Contestant #3: If I was on top of my game I would have already graduated from
college with my Doctorate like my parents planned.
Co-host: This is making me really uncomfortable.
Host: Now it is time for the final question of the night! This last one will be counted as
triple, meaning that any one of you in this room can win.
Co-host: I’m cheering for #3. I honestly feel so bad for him.
Host: The final question is going to be: What is the name of this game show?
Contestant #1: I thought this was just called “your favorite game show of the
evening”!
Contestant #2: You know, in my 15 years of watching this show, I don't actually know.
Contestant #3: Life is cruel and unfair.
Co-host: Wait, isn't it just “Gameshow”?
Host: Looks like we have ourselves a winner!
Co-host: Wait! I wasn't giving a real answer, I was just saying.
Host: Ladies and gentlemen, the renowned licensed therapist’s services are now going
to be given to my dear Co-host. Please give him a round of applause.
Co-host: I think I might actually take you up on that offer of going to therapy. At least
after this fever dream is over.
The End
