Here’s a detailed evaluation and score breakdown of the provided

response, based on IELTS writing criteria. I’ll examine Task Response,

Coherence and Cohesion, Lexical Resource, and Grammatical Range
and Accuracy, and provide suggestions for improvement.

1. Task Response (Band 8)

• Strengths: The response thoroughly addresses the task,

discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of making
children take exams. Each point is well-developed with specific
examples, such as the use of statistics (e.g., “83% of students in
China struggle with anxiety”) and references to types of exams (e.g.,
“oral tests,” “theoretical tests”).
• Weaknesses: The introduction could be slightly refined. The
statement “students start taking tests from age 5 or 6 until age 18”
could be clarified as “in many educational systems.” Additionally, the
conclusion, though balanced, could offer a more specific
recommendation.

Improvement Suggestions:
• Consider rephrasing general statements for clarity and adding a
specific recommendation in the conclusion to further strengthen the
response.

2. Coherence and Cohesion (Band 8)

• Strengths: The response is well-organized, with a clear structure

separating advantages, disadvantages, and a conclusion. Transitional
phrases like “to begin with,” “secondly,” “on the other hand,” and
“for instance” aid in the logical flow of ideas.
• Weaknesses: There is a minor redundancy with phrases like
“students can get an overview of the knowledge they have gained.”
Additionally, some sentences are lengthy, which affects readability.

Improvement Suggestions:
• Simplify or break down longer sentences for improved clarity and
readability.
 • Avoid redundant phrases to maintain conciseness.

3. Lexical Resource (Band 8)

• Strengths: The response demonstrates a broad range of

vocabulary, with appropriate academic language such as “assess,”
“competence,” “mental health,” and “detrimental impacts.” The
vocabulary accurately supports the argument and suits the academic
tone.
• Weaknesses: Minor lexical improvements could be made, such
as replacing “better experiences” with “more enriching experiences”
in the context of learning.

Improvement Suggestions:
• Continue to use precise vocabulary and avoid repetitive phrases
to enhance clarity.

4. Grammatical Range and Accuracy (Band 8)

• Strengths: The response displays a range of complex sentence

structures with minimal grammatical errors. The grammar is largely
accurate, and the variety of sentence forms contributes to the
essay’s sophistication.
• Weaknesses: There are minor areas for improvement in
sentence construction, particularly with lengthy sentences that could
be simplified for greater clarity.

Improvement Suggestions:
• Review sentence structure to ensure conciseness, particularly by
splitting longer sentences.

Detailed Breakdown of Mistakes and Suggested

Corrections
Introduction
Text:
“As education plays an increasingly crucial role in children’s
development, children are being tested more and more. A study shows
that students start taking tests from age 5 or 6 until age 18. This essay
will examine the benefits and drawbacks of making children do
exams.”

Mistakes:
1. Clarity: “children are being tested more and more” could be
more specific.
2. Phrasing: “making children do exams” is slightly informal;
“requiring children to take exams” is more formal.

Suggested Correction:
“As education plays an increasingly crucial role in children’s
development, testing has become a more frequent practice. In many
educational systems, students begin taking exams as early as age 5 or
6, continuing until age 18. This essay will examine the benefits and
drawbacks of requiring children to take exams.”
Paragraph 1

Text:
“To begin with, there are two main positives of making children do
tests. Firstly, testing is a tool to assess students’ competence. Through
a wide range of tests such as oral tests, 45-minute tests, mid-term, and
final tests, students can get an overview of the knowledge they have
gained. As a result, students have a chance to self-assess their
strengths and weaknesses to make their own study plans to progress.
Secondly, testing can be an effective way for teachers to check their
teaching methods. Taking an exam can reveal how well students
understand the material and highlight whether students grasp
information or not. Therefore, teachers can identify whether their
teaching methods need adjustments.”

Mistakes:
1. Redundancy: “students can get an overview of the knowledge
they have gained” could be shortened to “students can assess their
knowledge.”
 2. Repetition: The phrase “students have a chance to self-assess”
is repeated with similar ideas.

Suggested Correction:
“To begin with, there are two main advantages to testing children.
Firstly, testing serves as an effective tool to assess students’
competence. Through various types of exams, such as oral, mid-term,
and final tests, students can evaluate their knowledge and progress.
This process enables them to identify their strengths and weaknesses,
allowing them to develop targeted study plans. Secondly, testing
provides teachers with insights into the effectiveness of their teaching
methods, as exams reveal whether students have grasped the
material. This information helps teachers identify areas for
improvement in their instruction.”
Paragraph 2

Text:
“On the other hand, requiring students to take more exams presents
several disadvantages, particularly regarding mental health and
theoretical tests. Firstly, frequent exams place considerable pressure
on students due to expectations from family and peers, which can
negatively impact their mental health. This pressure may lead to
anxiety and tension, as students fear being compared to others. For
instance, around 83% of students in China struggle with anxiety during
their national college entrance exam. Furthermore, theoretical tests,
which are often based on textbook knowledge, may not be suitable for
all learning styles and can favor certain students over others,
depending on the exam’s format. Many children might have an interest
in art, music, or sports, where practical skills and creativity are more
important than theoretical knowledge. For these students,
conventional exams are not an optimal way to measure their abilities.”

Mistakes:
1. Lengthy Sentences: The sentence beginning with “frequent
exams place considerable pressure” is long and could be split for
clarity.
2. Word Choice: “theoretical tests” could be clarified as “academic
tests” to avoid repetition.
Suggested Correction:
“On the other hand, requiring students to take numerous exams has
several disadvantages, especially concerning mental health and the
limitations of theoretical assessments. Firstly, frequent exams create
significant pressure due to expectations from family and peers, often
resulting in anxiety. This pressure can lead to stress, as students fear
being compared to others. For example, around 83% of students in
China report experiencing anxiety during the national college entrance
exam. Additionally, academic tests, which primarily assess textbook
knowledge, may not suit all learning styles and often favor students
strong in memorization. Many children are more inclined toward
practical subjects like art, music, or sports, where creativity is valued
over theoretical knowledge, making conventional exams an inadequate
measure of their abilities.”
Conclusion

Text:
“In conclusion, while tests are essential to assess students’ knowledge
as well as teaching quality, these also can have detrimental impacts on
pupils’ mental health and their academic experience. Therefore, it is
crucial to balance evaluation and student well-being, ensuring that
testing practices support learning without triggering unnecessary
stress.”

Mistakes:
1. Minor Redundancy: “these also can have” could be more
concise as “they can also have.”
2. Recommendation: A more specific recommendation could
strengthen the conclusion.

Suggested Correction:
“In conclusion, while tests are essential for assessing students’
knowledge and teaching effectiveness, they can also negatively impact
students’ mental health and overall academic experience. Therefore, it
is crucial to strike a balance between evaluation and well-being,
ensuring that testing practices foster learning without causing undue
stress.”

Overall Band Score: 8

Summary of Improvements

To reach a higher score:

1. Refine Vocabulary and Avoid Redundancy: Use more precise
terms and avoid repeating similar ideas.
2. Enhance Conciseness: Shorten lengthy sentences and avoid
unnecessary phrases to improve clarity.
3. Provide Specific Recommendations: Adding a concrete
suggestion in the conclusion can reinforce the argument.

With these adjustments, the response would be clearer, more concise,

and maintain a strong academic tone.