mum's the word

Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at http://archiveofourown.org/works/31383773.

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warning: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Category: M/M
Fandom: 文豪ストレイドッグス | Bungou Stray Dogs
Relationship: Dazai Osamu/Nakajima Atsushi (Bungou Stray Dogs)
Character: Dazai Osamu (Bungou Stray Dogs), Nakajima Atsushi (Bungou Stray
Dogs), Armed Detective Agency Ensemble (Bungou Stray Dogs)
Additional Tags: Canon Compliant, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and
Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Memory Loss, One-Sided
Attraction, One-Sided Relationship, Eventual Romance, Senpai-Kouhai
Relationship, Aged-Up Character(s), Implied/Referenced Child Abuse,
Slow Burn, Slow Build, Minor Original Character(s)
Language: English
Stats: Published: 2021-05-19 Completed: 2021-05-25 Words: 29,476
Chapters: 12/12

mum's the word

by angelofgrief

Summary

At age 20, Atsushi has finally mastered keeping his feelings locked in his heart. But it's
also when he also starts to forget something very important to him. If you forget something,
doesn't that mean that it isn't important to remember in the first place?

"Is it a case?" Dazai asks, voice void of any emotion.

Ranpo smiles but they don't reach his eyes.
"Of course it is."

Notes

Bear with me and this piece as I figure out what I truly want from Dazai's and Atsushi's
relationship. The bastards got me f*cked.
 Prologue
Chapter Notes

This chapter is heavily implied (and hopefully not too graphic depicts) child abuse.
Otherwise, bear with me and this piece.

On May 5th, an unfortunate being by the name of Nakajima Atsushi is born. He is born with ten
fingers and ten toes, hair as white as the moon itself and purple eyes that shine gold in the light.

He'll have no recollection of a mother nor a father, in fact, he's less dubious of the marked 'May 5th'
scribbled on the file in the orphanage's dossier on all the orphans in the facility. This is because on
May 5th is when celebrations occur, citing 'Children's Day' as a national holiday. A day set aside
for the celebration of the many different and varying personalities children have and their ever
pursuit of happiness.

So that day, at age 0, Atsushi is born.

And on May 5th, at the age of 2, he is found in a back alley of a dumpster in a small, godforsaken
town with nothing else other than his name scribbled haphazardly on the cardboard box.

This is when he is born.

At the age of 6 is when Atsushi fully recognizes that his orphanage will be the only place he knows
of. Even after the headmaster had whipped his back. Even after his dinner is taken away from him
as punishment. He notices the looks the other children give, how they'll purposely pick on him to
gain favor towards the headmaster, how the chains seem to be colder afterward.

He'll forget about the moon shining brightly through the window and he'll wake up, hoping for a
new day.

At the age of 12 is when Atsushi screams, tears streaking down his face, as the scathing fire iron
burns his left flank with no mercy. His skin sizzles under the cool, spring air and the smell of burnt
flesh lingers for a couple of days. The wounds blister, burning down into his muscle as he cries
himself to sleep that night.

He only wishes that it was winter so the burns calm down.

He's kicked out of the orphanage at 18 years old, with the headmaster citing 'too many mouths to
feed'.

Atsushi has no luggage, no material possessions, barely even dignity left as he walks to the nearest
town. Even if the burns on his abdomen have healed, he finds himself gripping the area ever so
tightly. There's a tiger loose, stalking him too. How appropriate, he thinks.

Two weeks of relentless hopelessness and dread, digging through various trash to find barely
edible foods and half-empty bottles of water and sleepless nights escaping the tiger has Atsushi at
his limits. He sits in a broken posture near the river, stomach agonizingly empty and weakening
strength.

Set sometime in June, he believes, is when he meets a mysterious man by the name of Dazai
Osamu.

Dazai saves him.

Set sometime in June is when he's first born. Because Dazai saved him. Because the Armed
Detective Academy welcomed him. Because Dazai saves him time and time again.

At age 18, he meets a young killer by the name of Kyouka and decides that she's just like him. So
he saves her, hoping to repay the favor of Dazai having saved him.

Set sometime in the end of August, he saves the city from the crashlanding of Moby Dick... and
Kyouka is saved. Atsushi looks towards Dazai, who smiles brilliantly at him, eyes that scream I
told you so. Despite having Kyouka in his arms, despite how happy she's alive, a part of him looks
over at Dazai and wonders what it's like to be in his arms.

At the age of 18, something is starting to happen and Atsushi isn't quite sure of what's going on.

Just before his 19th birthday, the Armed Detective Agency along with Port Mafia were able to
apprehend the virus-ability user Pushkin and the mastermind Fyodor.

Although victorious, Atsushi remembers the promise Akutagawa makes him.

Promise you won't kill anyone for 6 months

Deal.

As he sits in his bathtub, his head against the tile and the water warm and quiet around him,
Atsushi remembers how he felt. Akutagawa was always ahead of him, in every step of the way.
Including... his relationship with Dazai. He sinks further into the warm waters, ignoring the bubble
foam drifting closer to his cheeks and closes his eyes. Something akin to... something rises in his
chest when he thinks about Akutagawa and Dazai's relationship. So he starts to guess at this
something:

It's like when ... when that one boy, Yuukio?, from the orphanage that lied to the headmaster and
blamed him for not cleaning up in the study. Anger, as he recalls, and betrayal. But nothing to what
he's feeling now.

It's like when... he and Kenji were surrounded by a bunch of miscreants after desecrating their
sanctuary and asking (accusing?) them of setting off the car bomb. Fear? He questions, but it still
doesn't sound right as he's been used to fear since the day he's been born.

It's like when... the President had offered him a confection that was given to him by the local
flower shop. Atsushi had immediately thanked him, trying to politely decline but the President
pushed and he ended up taking it and eating it whole, a mix of white chocolate and green tea mixed
nicely in his mouth. Before he could say it was good, he felt a distinct glare over his shoulders as
the President walked away. Ranpo... was visibly glaring at him.

"Ah, don't worry about him," Yosano waves. "He's just jealous that you got the candy
before he did".

Atsushi, who was close to falling asleep, dips down further into the water and splurts out the
excess as he inhales sharply at the sudden realization. Kyouka knocks worriedly and Atsushi tries
to reassure her.

Just before his 19th birthday, Atsushi realizes that he is jealous of Akutagawa's relationship with
Dazai... and that .... he doesn't want to share him with anyone.

The night of his 19th birthday, Atsushi curls into a ball as he realizes that he's in love with Dazai.

He makes a notable effort to bury those feelings.

Because nothing good can come out of it.

 20 Years Old
Chapter Summary

Today is Atsushi's birthday and he's given a small token of appreciation.

Chapter Notes

The juicy bits, I promise.

Since his realization at the unfortunate age of 19, Atsushi has made it his mission to avoid having
his feelings cloud his judgement when it came to Dazai. He still banters when needed, scolds him
accordingly in line with Kunikida's approval and on occasion, surprises him with gifts of
appreciation (of which Dazai promptly faints and stays near comatose for the remainder of the
day... unfortunately).

He'll still blush if he's too close to Dazai and he'll step away accordingly. Ranpo knows, of course,
he does, but he doesn't say much, eyes still closed and a small satisfied, if not sad, smile on his
face.

Atsushi knows that Dazai will never return his feelings, making it loud and clear for anyone in the
general vicinity that if he were to be with someone, it'll be with someone who's 1) a female and 2)
willing to commit double suicide with him. On days where Dazai's suicidal antics are kicked up a
notch, Atsushi will return back home at nightfall, shoulders slumped and heart heavy. The idea of
losing Dazai, either willingly or unwillingly, still hits a sore spot in his heart. Some nights, he'll
drop to his knees after closing the door and cry softly to himself and he's thankful that Kyouka's
moved into Yosano's place, that he has the place to himself alone.

Those same nights are where his dreams form nightmares. His nightmares will usually consist of
the orphanage and his memories, but sometimes, life is cruel. And he'll dream of a mocking Dazai
who disregards his feelings for him, of a Dazai who looks at him with disgust like he's an
abhorrent thing of nature. When he walks into the office after those types of nightmares, he feels a
bit more relieved seeing Dazai's happy-go-lucky face and the usual antics betweens him and
Kunikida. It's a firm reminder that Dazai saved him for who he is and that he wouldn't be so
callous as he would be in his dreams.

Atsushi is now 20 years old and a full adult... enough to drink, apparently.

"Let's drink Atsushi!" Dazai cheers as he hands him a bottle of beer.

Atsushi takes it gingerly, his heart skipping a beat as his hand touches Dazai's and looks over at the
bottle.

Because his birthday was on a Friday, the entire ensemble of the Armed Detective Academy threw
a late-night party after work, with streamers decorating the ceiling and flyers sprawled across the
walls. The confetti that once took over the upper portion of the office's ceiling has now drifted
downward and have taken the floors hostage. There are various ballons posted at each corner of the
office with a most definitely obnoxious purple and yellow balloon arch (courtesy of Dazai) taking
the front door of the office hostage, overlooking him. There are different foods and drinks on each
desk, labeled appropriately as 'snacks', 'alcoholic drinks', 'non-alcoholic drinks' and 'presents only'
courtesy of Kunikida. There are two small disco ball lamps situated at the desks closest to the
windows, bought and paid for by Poe after Ranpo's suggestions, of course.

Atsushi laughs loudly as he watches Yosano take refuge in the 'alcoholic drinks' section, waving at
Kyouka who's in the 'game section' where the couches are with Kenji and the Tanizaki siblings. He
feels a heavy arm slung around his shoulders and finds himself face to face with Dazai.

"Atsushi~ c'mon on drink!" He can smell the alcohol on his breath and unwillingly blushes.
"You're only an adult once ... unless—"

"Dazai! Leave him alone!" Kunikida interrupts, dragging Dazai away from him.

Atushsi would be remiss if he said that he didn't miss the feel of Dazai on him. But he watches in
quiet comfort as the sneaky Yosano drags Kunkida, with the help of Dazai, towards the 'alcoholic
drinks' sections, pressuring him to drink some before the night is over. He takes a sip of the beer,
choking at the intense burn he feels down his throat. Kyouka walks over to him, eyes worried and
Atsushi waves back.

"H-Haha, I'm fine Kyouka, I'm just not used to it," he smiles at her.

Kyouka nods, pulling his hand towards the section marked 'presents only'. He looks at the small
mound of presents. They all had various wrappings, some bright pink with yellow accents, some in
bags with brightly colored paper stuffed. Kyouka pulled out a small gift hidden among the masses
and handed it to him, eyes wide with adoration. Atsushi smiled and started to unwrap the present,
revealing a small green chameleon pin highlighted in gold. His eyes widen, a smile breaking
through on his face.

"Kyouka! How did you know?!"

"You were eyeing it when we were walking through the street fair during our last case," Kyouka
blushed. "It was easy to procure".

"Ah," Atsushi beamed. "Thank you so much, Kyouka!"

He put the box down and pulled the pin off, taking the backing off and affixing the pin on his shirt.
Atsushi looked over to Kyouka, hands on his hips and a wild smile on his face. Kyouka, with a
small flush of color on her face, smile at him before running off to join Kenji in playing another
game. His heart felt full as he looked over his presents, most notably at the chameleon pin on his
shirt and as he watches his comrades enjoying themselves, he's reminded of how lucky he is.

A couple of hours later, Atsushi is somehow... in front of his apartment with a bag of gifts in tow.
While he didn't drink much at the party, he's surprised that the effects of the alcohol have taken
place. Both Tanizaki siblings were able to get Kunkida home since he lived closer to where they
lived, although even he was near gone with the amount of alcohol he had consumed courtesy of
Yosano and Dazai. Ranpo had made Poe grab a late-night cab, waving everyone off. Kyouka made
her Demon Snow carry the barely lucid Yosano back to their apartment, with her happily snoring in
Demon Snow's arms, much to both of their dismay. Kenji, who was instructed by Dazai not to
consume anything during the party, was able to carry Dazai home with ease.

Atsushi stared blankly at his door then slowly trailed down to his doorknob. His face is flushed and
mind hazy but he's remembered that he lives here and makes a move to reach for his keys in his
pocket. He pulls out said keys apprehensively, staring at the keys in wonder. Whoa, these are my
keys, he awes and after a couple of minutes, he's able to put the correct key into the correct slot.
Whoa, they... they open my door! He stumbles in, haphazardly toeing his shoes off and abruptly
closes the door behind him, the bags of gifts jostling every step of the way.

He drops on his knees, landing face-first in the genkan, dropping the bags of gifts.

"Oh *hiccup* no," he cries, arms flailing to reach for the gifts.

They spill out in his small hallway and scattered, some past the kitchen. Atsushi whimpers at the
state and makes an attempt to crawl towards the gifts furthest from him when he catches an eye on
a long, rectangular present boringly wrapped in brown wrapping paper with the words 'from Dazai'
written neatly in the center. He freezes and dives straight for the innocuous gift, eyes widen with
adoration as he holds it high with both hands.

"Ah, a gift from Dazai!" His blush from the alcohol is now mixed with feelings of longing and
adoration.

"I-I wonder what it could be," he gulps and makes quick and hazard work of the wrapping paper.

Inside the box is a small black tie with a small lettercard on top. His initial excitement decreases a
bit, his brows furrowed in confusion. Atsushi takes out the card and under the bright moonlight,
reads the inscription.

Atsushi,

You're finally an adult and Kunkida said to get you something practical. Fortunately I
didn't listen.

Happy birthday, young one.

He examines the black tie, taking it out of its case. Its material feels smooth, akin to silk and
Atsushi wonders briefly how expensive it was. When he flips it over to look itself, he finds himself
smiling brightly. There were small but distinct cat designs printed on in various colors ranging
from red to orange, to pink to yellow. His eyes blur as tears start to form and he clutches the tie in
his hand and against his chest. The smile on his face slacks a bit and he's feels like he's lost
something because.. he loves the gift. He loves everyone at the Armed Detective Agency. He loves
that he can save someone's life, that he has meaning.

Atsushi loves Dazai, the only person to ever give him a chance, the only person he's ever loved.

The tears slip down, his face red and his heart pounding harder and harder in his chest.

"D-Dazai..." he cries softly.

"Do you wish for it to disappear young one?"

He looks up, eyes wide and wet and sees a dark silhouette against the moonlight. His senses are
dulled from the alcohol but he senses no imminent threat, no blood lust.
"I-I don't... I don't want it to disappear," he replies back.

"Oh no, but if you're in this much pain, I can take that pain away, you know?" The dark figure
speaks.

Atsushi's eyes widen. This pain.. this pain was something he wouldn't wish on anyone in the world.
The pain of unrequited love, the pain of being known and unknown to the one who you love, the
pain of knowing that it's possible to want more.

"I-I... I want to keep the feelings, but not the pain," Atsushi whispers, his head dropping down and
eyes shut close.

"Of course, young one. If that is what you wish for, it shall be granted."

He feels a hand weave through his hair and immediately, his mind races back to Dazai. Atsushi
clutches the tie in his hand, eyes widening as he feels a gentle hand on his chin as he looks up. In
his state of alcohol-induced hazy and passionate delirium, he sees a blurry version of Dazai,
leaning over him with eyes of concern. The hand on his chin gently pet his chin as he makes a
motion to lean forward, to meet him eye to eye.

"Dazai, I—"

At the age of 20, after a night of wholehearted fun, Atsushi becomes the first victim.
 The Afterparty
Chapter Summary

There are three victims, their case studies described carefully.

Chapter Notes

Oh yes, the really juicy bits. Also... I'm sorry that its painful first but I promise it'll get
better

VICTIM #1

Set on May 6th, the day after a certain ability user's birthday. That ability user goes by the name of
Nakajima, Atsushi who is a new detective in the Armed Detective Agency.

Most people, abilities or not, will absolutely not be sober by the time they wake up after a rowdy
night of drinks and fun, even if it's to celebrate a birthday. So, like most people, Atsushi falls into
this category. The President, prior to their night of alcoholic debauchery, had allowed everyone to
come into the office sometime after 10 am, as a small token of appreciation. Atsushi groans as the
sunlight falls harshly on his face, his arm immediately reaching over to shield his eyes from the
rays of light. He groans loudly, holding his hand against his head as a wave of nausea and
headaches overtake his senses. Unfortunately, to make matters worse, he finds himself staring
blankly at the tatami mat floorings bare of his futon... meaning, he didn't make it to bed last night.

He starts to crawl slowly from the genkan, crossing his kitchenette and into his room/living room
area, carefully gearing right towards the bathroom. He eyes the toilet, which seems to be
beckoning him with its pristine white porcelain and immediately makes a beehive movement
towards it. Atsushi pulls the cover and makes love to the toilet in the form of vomiting, spit and
tears. God, what kind of pain is this, he inwardly groans and slumps against the backing of the
toilet seat cover. A small whimper comes out of his mouth as he makes a move to grab the edge of
the sink, realizing that his legs are also being uncooperative and his mind is rebelling against him,
threatening him with more vomiting. Taking a few breaths, he flushes the toilet and quickly
splashes cold water on his face, having finally found the strength to stand against his sink, who is
kind enough to support him.

Atsushi looks at the mirror and sees mixed red-blue bags under his eyes, more lines pulling on his
cheeks and a trail of saliva from when he threw up. He is thoroughly hungover and is going to die
today. Alas, he finds the strength to turn towards the bath and start running hot water for a bath.
Atsushi pulls off his gloves, tossing them in various directions in the bathroom, making even
quicker work on the rest of the clothing— all he wants to do is dive headfirst in hot water.

He slithers into the bathtub and signs breathlessly at the feeling of the hot warm surrounding his
bones. Atsushi lays there quietly, in morning-after peace.

"THE ADA!" he screams, scrabbling to get out of the bathtub.

Atsushi manages to avoid slipping on the tiles as he rushes to grab a towel and quickly dry off,
having forgotten that he had work today and... He peaked at the digital clock on his nightstand and
his eyes widen in horror as he reads 11:04 am in bright red neon characters. He rummages through
his closet and looks for another white shirt and searches for his additional suspenders. While he did
have a pair of backup gloves, the only ones he finds are the slim fall gloves he'll wear and quickly
grabs it, sliding his hands quickly in. He ditches his tie in favor of expedience as he rushes out the
door, the trail of presents still left from the night before.

A feeling of unimaginable dread and horror fills his chest as he sprints towards the office, cheating
a bit using his ability. Atsushi is going to die today at the hands of Kunkida himself and its so
inevitable, he already smells the bloodlust in the air. Turning the corner, he reaches the stairs and
skips through the steps, slamming the door wide open, shocking everyone in the office.

"I-I'm here! I am here!" He screams, gasping for breath as his body weakly stumbles in, his
headache now increasingly calling for his attention.

Almost everyone in the office stares at him. Kyouka catches his eye and nods, acknowledging his
presence. Tanizaki and Naomi weakly wave back, their faces teasing him of which he promptly
averts their gazes. Kenji sits on top of his desk, smiling brightly and waving wildly at Atsushi, who
cautiously waves back. He doesn't see Yosano nor Kunikida until the other door on his right, where
Yosano usually does her... patient care opens up to reveal a shiny Kunkida with a small flush on his
face and Yosano, who doesn't look like the effects of the alcohol affected her.

"There you are, you brat," Kunkida grits out.

Atsushi squeaks at Kunikida's tone, having ignored Ranpo's intense stare. He bows profusely
despite (or rather rebelling) his headache, hands shaking.

"I-I'm sorry, Kunkida! I overslept and I—"

"Ah man, go easy on the birthday boy, Kunikida!" Atsushi hears Naomi yell but can't make
himself look up in fear of seeing Kunkida's disappointed (and scary!) look.

"That's right, Kunikida," Yosano teases, "but Atsushi! Let me know if you need some TLC!"

Atsushi snaps back, face in contorted in polite fear as he kindly declines Yosano's offer, ignoring
the shivers that went down his spine. Yosano, whose eyes were maniac at the thought of another
patient in her care, narrows in disappointment before tossing a bottle of liquid at Atsushi, who
surprisingly catches it with ease. Kunikida walks over as Atsushi looks over the bottle

"With your regenerative abilities, hangovers aren't likely as debilitating as they are to other users so
this bottle of electrolytes should be enough for you," Yosano reasons, shrugging her shoulders and
heading back to her corner of the office.

"I'll give you a pass since it was your birthday but don't make it a habit," Kunikida reprimands.

"Y-Yes sir," Atsushi quietly responds, still holding the bottle of electrolytes.

"Haha it's Atsushi's first hangout! Give him a break!"

Atsushi watches as a dark-haired man pops out from where the couches are. He looks as Kunkida
marches over to him and puts him into a headlock position, grumbling something about
'insubordination and 'the downfall of civilization itself'. He watches their interaction from afar and
moves the bottle into his left hand, making strides towards the two gentlemen.
"How do you know my name?"

Both Kunkida and this stranger, over which Atsushi notes are covered with bandages around his
neck and arms, stop their fighting. Kunikida releases his grip on him and readjusts his glasses,
looking over at Atsushi carefully while the other man, whose face was filled with teasing joy, now
held a quiet and contemplative look. Atsushi looks at Kunikida carefully, wondering why he's
making such a confused look before he looks back at the other man and a light bulb goes off in his
mind.

His hand sticks out.

"Sorry, I forgot there was supposed to be a new member coming," a small but nervous smile
appears on his face, "My name is Nakajima Atsushi, what's yours?"

VICTIM #2

In the same city, there is a police station that's currently trying to fix their air conditioner to prepare
for the summer. Two policemen are on guard at the front, both with their hats off and fanning each
other with small fans. There is a running manual fan turning left and right which does nothing to
alleviate the policemen with the humidity in the office. Both of them are fathers, with one of them
being older with even a new grandchild on the way. He says to his partner that his son's wife is due
in two weeks and he's eager to see the birth of his new grandchild. His partner congratulates him
and they both talk amicably between each other.

The sliding doors open: a woman and a restless child walk in. The child pulls on the woman's
hands, who's holding him by the wrist. She has a simple white dress on with a light purple cardigan
on and a small beige-colored purse on her side. The child is wearing an oversized blue shirt and
long dark blue shorts that go past his knees. The officers watch in confusion as the woman walks
closer to the desk, waving kindly at the officers.

"What seems to be the problem, miss?"

She bows politely. "I found a missing child just a couple streets down."

"Mama, mama!" The child is persistent, pulling harder on the hand holding his wrist. "M-Mama!
I'm sorry!"

"Uh, ma'am?" The younger officer speaks up, eyeing the by carefully. "If this is your child, I have
to insist that—"

"Oh no, this isn't my son. I have no kids," she interrupts.

The boy looks over, his eyes were wide and tear-filled.

"I have no kids," she repeats.

 VICTIM #3

In a local high school near the outskirts of town lies two young high schoolers on top of the
rooftop. The wind is heavy but combined with the altitude, it becomes near vicious. While their
uniforms appear the same, one of the boys wears a proper uniform complete with an orange tie
signifying that he is in a younger class while the other boy wears his uniform loosely, his tie a dark
red signifying that he's in a different grade and class as him. They both have dark brown hair,
messy from the wind, with dark green eyes to match. At the moment, the boy with the red tie
stands coldly, staring down at the younger boy with his shoulders tense and eyes cold.

"Why are you calling me brother?" He asks.

"Eh? What are you talking about?" The younger one eyes him with unfiltered confusion.

"Tch, I said why do you keep calling me brother?!" The older boy growls back. "Stop calling me
brother!"

The younger boy takes a step back, eyes wide in confusion and hurt. He falls down on the ground,
watching in fear as the older boy looks down on him with pure hatred.

"Listen kid, my brother died 12 years ago," his voice is toxic, "so if you know what's best for you,
you better step away from me right now".

"Why do you keep calling me brother?" He repeats.

"Stop calling me your brother!" He screams.

 Ranpo's Uncooperative Behavior
Chapter Summary

A careful dissection of a possible case and an outright refusal.

Chapter Notes

Ah, maybe I lied? I mean it'll get better lol

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Atsushi watches this stranger's face, a look of surpise plastered on his face and
glances over at Kunikida, who stares at him blankly.

"A-Atsushi... what are you talking about?"

Now, Atsushi sits quietly on the bed in the infirmary. After drinking the electrolyte, he feels much
better with no impending headache but still feels something wrong as he remembers the moments
leading to him in the infirmary:

That same strange man walked over, loose bandages spilling from his sleeves, eyes
questioning with a hand on his chin. Something in him, perhaps instincts, tells him
that this man isn't to be trusted. A hand falls on his shoulders and Atsushi flinches,
moving away from the hand that reached over. Inadvertantly, his face twists into
something akin to doubt.

"I know I came in late but I swear I read the report," Atsushi stands his ground,
looking at Kunikida.

"Atsushi," Tanizaki walks over with Naomi in tow. "We don't have.. any new
members."

He finished off quietly with his sister nodding solemnly. Atsushi blinks, his face
twisting more in a look of puzzlement. He rushes over to his desk, unaware of the eyes
that followed him and digs those the papers he's accidentally stuffed in his desk.

"No no no, that can't be right," He shuffles a bunch more paper, ignoring the looks of
betrayal on Kunikida's face as he watches various papers fall on the floor.

"No, Kunikida you told me that someone was going to come through tomorrow, that's
why we celebrated my birthday last night rather than tomorrow on the weekends."

With the dull headache put on a backburner, Atsushi closes his eyes and tries to
 remember where he's put the transfer papers. He hears the soft taps of sandles on the
floor and opens his eyes to meet Kyouka's leveled stare.

"You don't remember Dazai?"

Dazai? He thinks. That's an interesting name.

"No, sorry,"

Atsushi twists the bottle cap open again, downing the contents and closes it tightly. He absolutely
hates making people worry and doesn't like the feeling of dread in his stomach. Turning his head,
he faces towards the open window and feels the strong breeze whip his bangs. It feels nostalgic
with a hint of bitterness and remembers when Kunikida first found him, washed up on the edges of
the river. The air those years ago was the same now: familiar yet unfamiliar. His hands twist the
edges of his blanket but Atsushi's unaware of his own actions.

Nothing feels wrong.

Beyond the doors of the infirmary and down the halls, the ensemble of the Armed Detective
Agency sit and stand in disquiet. The President returns swiftly on his feet and into the office after
his meeting and stands before the group.

Yosano sits on an unoccupied chair, arms crossed over her chest and face passive yet serious.
Kenji, whose bright smile seemed to be tattoed permanently on his face, now has a small frown as
he stands, bouncing between his toes. Kyouka stands quietly beside the President, face still as
serious as ever but she has a tell: her hand twitches for the phone held on her chest. Kunikida has
one hand on his hip, nervously adjusting his glasses, his mouth but a mere thin line on his face.
Both Tanizaki and Naomi sit quietly on the chairs, a respective distance between them, eyes
downcast.

"He.. said that I save him,"

Kunikida breaks the silence, looking over at Dazai, who has taken his usual position of laying on
the couch with hands underneath his head for support. For the distance, it would look like Dazai's
asleep...

"But he remembers everyone!" Naomi replies.

"That's right! Nothing happened after Dazai touched his shoulder," Tanizaki offers but his voice
wavers when he says Dazai's name.

'Hey Dazai! You've got something to say? Why didn't your ability work?"

Kunikida stalks over and hovers over Dazai's lax position with both hands on his hips and angrily
glares down at him. There's a cautious smile that makes its way on Dazai's face and Kunikida
flinches at it. He watches Dazai look up at him, eyes void.

"Mh, how should I know? Maybe its the real deal,"

The tension in the air darkens abruptly and Kyouka flinches at the offhanded response. It fills her
up with some akin to... murderous intent but she feels a hand on her shoulder before she can fully
realize the feeling. The President looks down, shaking his head quietly and makes his way towards
Ranpo. Ranpo sits with the back of the chest against his chest, staring outside and allowing the
harsh breeze push his hat off with his back facing towards the group.

"Ranpo, have you figured it out already?"

Ranpo doesn't respond, back still fixed towards his friends and eyes closed against the wind.

"Ranpo!" Kunikida screams.

At this, he stands up slowly, turning the chair and its back towards the group this time and sits back
down, his eyes open and staring quietly at Kunikida, who has a worrying look on him. His eyes
travel back to the President, who has a stoic and demanding look on his face. Ranpo shrugs his
shoulders.

"Of course I have an idea—"

"Alright, then—"

"I don't understand why you guys are making a big deal out of this," he cuts off Tanizaki.

"He remembers everyone, from Kenji's pet cow's name and even the fact that we have a
temporality cease-fire with Port Mafia," Ranpo scolds. "Yosano checked and everything physically
about him is fine."

Ranpo leaves it at that, his eyes closed and pout in his seat, refusing to say more about the topic.
The question lingers in the air: why is everyone making a big deal out of it? He watches the
conflicted looks on his friends' face: Kenji, whose small frown is now accompanied with drooping
shoulders, the Tanizaki siblings holding one another with Naomi on her brother's shoulders and
Juinchiro leaning his head against hers; Kunikida, who once hovered over Dazai, now sits on the
other empty couch, face hidden from the rest; Yosano and her grimace as she switches her leg;
Kyouka who stands quietly and eyes daunted. The President looks over, eyes wide from the
outburst but otherwise shows no other emotions.

Ranpo looks over to Dazai, who's retired from his relaxed prone position on the couch and now
stalks over to him, hair covering his eyes. Dazai stands beside the President, hands stuffed into his
trench coat, hiding tight fists from Ranpo... even though they both knew that Ranpo always knew.
When he looks up, facing Ranpo, his eyes are dark with an unknown emotion and Ranpo, though
as amazing and incredible he is, feels a part of the weight that most people feel when Dazai is
looking at them.

Incredibly heavy, incredibly and almost a god-like presence that demands attention. All held in two
light brown eyes.

"Is it a case?" Dazai asks, voice void of any emotion.

Ranpo smiles but they don't reach his eyes.

"Of course it is."

Later in the day, Kunikida gets two reports of two different individuals that have.. similar stories
like Atsushi's. Individuals who claim in one way, shape or form that they don't recall people that
are important to them. Tanizaki does the interviews and puts them on a recorder. One is a mother,
who swore that she never gave birth 8 years ago and angrily walks out, leaving a child behind. The
other is a young boy, a high schooler, who threatens to press charges on another young boy for
harassment. He too walks out in anger. When Tanizaki passes the recorder along with his notes to
Kunikida, who's taken lead on the case, his hands shake a bit and his voice is quiet when talking to
him.

Tanizaki takes Naomi alongside the abandoned child and brings them back to the police station,
saying that if no one claims him, he'll likely stay with the younger policeman until the case is
solved. The boy, who was frantic with tears, somberly accepts. The other boy, the younger one in
school, says that his guardian ("Our... uh my uncle is out of the country on business so it's only
ever the two... the two of us")... is not currently here. Kyouka takes a liking to him, saying
something about how the scene looks familiar and both Yosano and Kyouka bring him back to
their place for the night.

Kunikida stays past closing time to write the report. He feels Dazai's stares on his back and ignores
them but...

"Those kids need a place, you know," Dazai says quietly.

"I know, I know, don't tell me what I need to do," The words would usually have a bite to them
except they don't right now.

"Right,"

The door closes and Kuinkida finalizes the report so far:

CASE REPORT - Dictated as followed:

CASE #: 552

TITLE: MEMORY LOSS

NUMBER OF CASES ATTACHED: 3, NO KNOWN ADDITIONAL OR

LINKING CASES.

NAKAJIMA ATSUSHI. MALE, AGE 20.

Will be referred to as NAKATSU
Memory: Dazai Osamu
SHIRATORI SACHIKO. FEMALE, AGE 34
Will be referred to as SHISACHI
Memory: Shiratori Yuuki
KUBO ISAMU. MALE, AGE 15.
Will be referred to as KUBISA
Memory: Kubo Mafuyu

TIME OF THE ATTACKS: No known timeline however, based on the case reports,
 it seems that NAKATSU was the latest victim, having been attacked sometime
between midnight and early morning around 11AM. The first victim seems to be
KUBISA based on the Kubo Mafuyu's recollection of the events. He states that the
incident happened last night around 7PM after KUBISA had returned home and
headed straight to bed to sleep. Mafuyu denies any concerning behaviors and states
that he had left to go to school early in the morning just before KUBISA had woken up
(he states that he is a late riser). This would make the second victim after KUBISA,
occuring around 8:30AM after a doctor's appointment [this is confirmed by
SHISACHI who states that she had a routine GYN appointment and did a pregnancy
test that ended up negative].

- this narrows down the timeline for NAKATSU to sometime between midnight and
8:30AM based on SHISACHI's report

ADDITONAL NOTES:

Ranpo has confirmed that it is an ability that is not affected by Dazai himself. I suspect
that the only way for this ability to be neutralized is at the source.

Also to note, there is no goal noted. No randsom, no missing funds or anything of the
sort.

Any lasting markers including photos with the victims and their memories clearly
immortalized have no affect on the victim. As quoted by NAKATSU, "I see him but I
don't know who he is", quoted by SHISACHI, "Oh wow, this looks fake!
Photoshopped!", and quoted by KUBISA, "Wow, I might just add stalking to the list
then."

Details will be updated accordingly. Last updated today by Kunikida Doppo.

STATUS: ACCEPTED, ONGOING

Chapter End Notes

SHIRATORI SACHIKO, written as 白鳥幸子

(白 meaning 'white' and 鳥 meaning bird) [SHIRATORI]
(幸 meaning 'happiness or good luck' and 子 meaning 'child')

KUBO ISAMU, written as 久保勇

(久 meaning 'long time ago' and 保 meaning 'protect') [KUBO]
(勇 meaning 'brave')
 Coffee Boba
Chapter Summary

Atsushi remembers everyone but Dazai.

He forgets all traces of Dazai.

Chapter Notes

Ah, I feel like I'm dragging the story but like... I also have GREs to take this weekend
so my priorities are a bit screwed. So here's another chapter lol

See the end of the chapter for more notes

"Good morning, Ranpo!"

It is almost 6 in the morning and currently, Dazai is nicely perched on top of Kunikida's desk with
his shoes on his chair and arms stuffed into his pockets, a dull smile on his face. Ranpo, who just
walked in, stared back with barely distinct bags under his eyes. He had just come back from a long
drive with the President who was in a very tense meeting with some other, unknown government
officials so when Dazai smiles so vaguely at him, Ranpo knows an ambush when he sees it and
inwardly sighs.

"Morning, Dazai. You're here early,"

Ranpo just wanted his emergency stash of caffeine-infused candies.

"Am I?"

"Yes, yes you are,"

The conversation is cut short as Ranpo strides across the office and goes straight towards Yosano's
desk, an area where no man ever ventured towards and opened up her drawers. He had specifically
hidden the candies in her desk and even made sure that Yosano herself didn't know. Dazai however
knew regardless and when Ranpo stopped his search to look at him, he pulled out a small bag of
goodies from his pocket.

"Looking for these,"

A look of irritation appeared on Ranpo's face and finally, Dazai's smile met his eyes. Dangerously,
that is.

"You're making this into a big deal, Ranpo," the words are dripping with intimidation.

"Am I?" Ranpo walks over, his eyes open and leers at Dazai.

"You can't have it both ways," Ranpo says seriously.

His alarm rings. Atsushi wakes up, mind still groggy from sleep and turns it off. It has been four
days since his checkup with Yosano, who told him that he's in perfect health even with an arduous
look on her face. Atsushi remembers her look all too well because it matches Kunikida's, Tanizaki's
and even Naomi's face accordingly afterward. They tell him that the stranger he met was named
Dazai Osamu. His ability, No Longer Human, allows for him to cancel out any ability so long as he
touches them. Atsushi's face twitches, brows furrowing, and a part of him thinks the ability is cruel
to have. Even if Atsushi had issues controlling his own abilities, he would never allow another
person to make that decision for himself, to forcibly cancel out his own ability even if it's only
temporary.

"Uwah, that's kinda cool,"

"Kinda?" Kenji questions.

"Ah," Atsushi smiles, "Yeah, I mean I can't imagine having my ability canceled out
without my say so,"

At the time, he doesn't notice the quiet look Dazai has on his face nor the sad smile on
Ranpo's face.

During the weekend, while Tanizaki goes with Dazai to find hidden clues in the places where the
incidents occur, he gets benched with Kunikida, stating that a person of interest shouldn't be going
anywhere alone, even if it's for work. Kunikida pulls out the case report done regarding the man-
eating tiger two years ago. Atsushi reads it thoroughly and while he processes the information, he
still... doesn't remember. Or rather, it doesn't sound right to him. Instead of Kunikida that had
found him, it was Dazai. Instead of stopping him in the warehouse, it was Dazai who used his
ability. He gets a call from Kunikida who tells him about the 'bomber' played by Tanizaki. He's
saved by Yosano as he faces Akutagawa down that alley with a near-death Tanizaki and Naomi.

Everything that had anything to do with Dazai was smoothly and insipidly replaced with other
people in his life.

So Atsushi, even with the cloud of confusion that wraps around his shoulders, walks into the office
a little past 8 o'clock. He waves quietly at Kyouka's who organizing papers. She tells him that
Tanizaki has already gone out with Kunikida to meet with an elderly couple at a nearby inn who is
willing to house the two children as the case is ongoing. Naomi apparently has been in office with
the President and Haruno. He nods and looks over to Dazai, who sits at his desk with his head in
her arms and watches Ranpo nearby gather some manila folders in his hand and strides across the
office.

"You have some more cases, Ranpo?" Ranpo stops.

"They're not cases if they're super boring," he groans back. "But it's better than dealing with this
other case."

Ranpo walks off before Atsushi can say anything, the door slamming quietly shut. Atsushi looks
over at Kyouka, who is still focused on organizing the papers and sighs. He makes his way
towards his desk, which he realizes is situated right next to Dazai. Atsushi sits down and stares
blankly at his desk, an overwhelming feeling of awkwardness engulfing his being. There is a part
of him that feels quite guilty for not remembering Dazai, of which he notices that it's also mixed in
with some confusion. There's also a part of him that... doesn't really care so much.

Atsushi yelps a bit as Dazai abruptly pushes himself up and stands tall. He had thought that man
was asleep.
"Atsushi," he looks at him carefully.

"Y-Yes?"

"Come with me to get coffee for everyone," Dazai winks.

Atsushi has a perplexed expression, readying to counter back that .. well, everyone isn't here. The
only ones in the office in current view were him, Kyouka and Dazai and he'd be careless to assume
that not even the President Naomi or Haruno don't want to order coffee as well (if they took coffee,
that is). But the retort is stopped by a folded piece of paper in Dazai's hand, dangling in front of his
face. He tries to make a move to grab it but it's quickly pulled from his grip and stuffed into Dazai's
beige pockets.

"Nuh-uh, I took everyone's orders down before they left," Dazai grins back, gesturing towards the
door.

"C'mon, I'll need help carrying it anyway,"

Atsushi looks at Kyouka from afar, watching her ever so diligently continue organizing the papers
for various files. He only recently noticed that she's used Demon Snow to help the organization go
smoother. Atsushi shrugs his shoulders and stands, already making his way towards the door. If he
hadn't gone first, he would've noticed that Dazai's left the folder paper with the drink orders on his
desk. If he hadn't gone first, he would've noticed the look of concern Kyouka gives Dazai.

But he doesn't.

Dazai mentions that while their go-to is Cafe Uzumaki, he had a specific request from Tanizaki to
check out another local coffee shop by the name of Atropos' Cafe. It's a mixed coffee shop with
boba, specialized in coffee-boba specifically with some desserts to compliment it. Dazai asks
Atsushi if he knows of the place and Atsushi responds happily, recalling the time that Tanizaki had
brought him there to try out a mixed boba-coffee drink that was absolutely delightful. He begins to
recite the event, happily recalling the discounted price, the amazing swirl of the whipped cream
that had a white line in the middle and even the sweet tapioca at the bottom of the drink. Atsushi
looks over at Dazai, catching a sad smile on his face.

"Have you been there before?"

The walk is silent, Dazai looking forward as Atsushi walks beside him, awaiting an answer.

"Mm," Dazai breaks the silence. "Recently actually."

"... Oh ... d-did you have a favorite drink there?"

"Mhm, I actually really liked the coffee boba too," he says evenly. "Although, I'm not a big fan of
whipped cream."

Atsushi glances over, feeling as though he's stepping towards uncharted territory, something that he
doesn't need to know.

"Ah, yeah," he nods quietly. "They are known for their coffee-boba."

"Mhm."
 The walk, although only 10 minutes away from the office, feels as though eternity has stretched
thin. Atsushi finds himself tucking his arms on his side, fists clenching and unclenching. He feels
as though he's touched a bomb of sorts, or perhaps stumbled onto a minefield and like any person
put into that kind of situation, he's waiting for a bomb to explode on his face. He quickly glances
up at Dazai and sees the same even stare. Then something small akin to a spark flashes in his mind.
Atsushi can feel himself nearing a landmine but he moves forward anyway.

"Did... Was it actually you, Dazai sir? Was it you that went with me to Atropos'?"

Atsushi gulps at the look Dazai gives him. It was a mixed look of restrained sadness and
acceptance. They continue walking towards the coffee shop, Atsushi remaining quiet and allowing
the silence to take their side and if part of his heart pounds a bit harder than usual, he ignores it and
hopes the taste of the boba coffee drowns it.

When they get back, Dazai makes Atsushi carrying the drinks even after 'completely' forgetting
that he dropped the list of orders back in the office. It didn't matter though because the list was
fake and Dazai had only wanted to see just how far this charade went. Their walk back is much
livelier than their walk towards the cafe. Atsushi is grumbling, complaining both for paying for the
drinks as well as carrying almost all of it back. Dazai, of course, had pulled out his own drink from
the cup holders and already began drinking it. At this moment, Dazai allows the sense of nostalgia
and relief to take over him. Because in this split moment, Atsushi acts as if he remembers him.

Because when they first told Atsushi that his true mentor was him, Dazai, his face twisted in
disbelief. When Atsushi recalled that Tanizaki had brought him to Atropos', Dazai felt like
something punched his gut and emotionally recoiled from the attack. Distrust and disbelief were
close friends of his but to see it so obvious on the young lad's face was enough to question his
friendship with distrust and disbelief.

So when they get back, Kunikida starts his aspersions only barely stopping midway when he sees
Atsushi follow from behind with two bags of drinks. Atsushi steps forward and carefully places the
drinks down, muttering something about 'having no help carrying' and 'it was surprisingly heavy,
even for me'. Kunikida and Dazai meet eyes and in a split second, Dazai's eyes narrow. He doesn't
remember, Kunikida reads in his eyes. Dazai strides over to his usual seat: the couches near the
window and sits with his legs on top of the coffee table, ignoring the others as they grab their
drinks.

He wonders if they've made his drink a bit different because right now, it tastes very bitter in his
mouth.

Chapter End Notes

For myth nerds: Atropos was one of the goddesses of fate and destiny in Greek
mythology who represented the inevitability of death and determined the manner in
which someone dies. Essentially, she was the one that severed the ties of life.
 552_05_1.mp4
Chapter Summary

A snapshot of the victims. Cause and effect.

Chapter Notes

I finished my damn GREs lol. I'll be uploading two chapters in appreciation of course.

See the end of the chapter for more notes

CASE REPORT - Dictated as followed:

CASE #: 552

TITLE: MEMORY LOSS

NUMBER OF CASES ATTACHED: 5, NO KNOWN ADDITIONAL OR

LINKING CASES.

NAKAJIMA ATSUSHI. MALE, AGE 20.

Will be referred to as NAKATSU
Memory: Dazai Osamu
Relationship: Mentor and mentee
SHIRATORI SACHIKO. FEMALE, AGE 34
Will be referred to as SHISACHI
Memory: Shiratori Yuuki
Relationship: Mother and son
KUBO ISAMU. MALE, AGE 15.
Will be referred to as KUBISA
Memory: Kubo Mafuyu
Relationship: Brothers
YOSHIDA GORO. MALE, AGE 89
Will be referred to as YOGO
Memory: Yoshida Akihiko
Relationship: Father and son
TACHIBANA CHI. FEMALE, AGE 22
Will be referred to as TACHI
Memory: Katou Kei
Relationship: Significant others

TIME OF THE ATTACKS: No known timeline however, based on the case reports,
it seems that NAKATSU was the latest victim, having been attacked sometime
between midnight and early morning around 11AM. The first victim seems to be
KUBISA based on the Kubo Mafuyu's recollection of the events. He states that the
 incident happened last night around 7PM after KUBISA had returned home and
headed straight to bed to sleep. Mafuyu denies any concerning behaviors and states
that he had left to go to school early in the morning just before KUBISA had woken up
(he states that he is a late riser). This would make the second victim after KUBISA,
occuring around 8:30AM after a doctor's appointment [this is confirmed by
SHISACHI who states that she had a routine GYN appointment and did a pregnancy
test that ended up negative].

- this narrows down the timeline for NAKATSU to sometime between midnight and
8:30AM based on SHISACHI's report

Updated by Tanizaki 05/17: There isn't a pattern but so far, it looks like there are some
gaps betwen the next set of victms. YOGO was attacked 3-4 days after the last victim
NAKATSU. TACHI was soon close in less than 24 hours.

ADDITONAL NOTES:

Ranpo has confirmed that it is an ability that is not affected by Dazai himself. I suspect
that the only way for this ability to be neutralized is at the source.

Also to note, there is no goal noted. No randsom, no missing funds or anything of the
sort.

Any lasting markers including photos with the victims and their memories clearly
immortalized have no affect on the victim. As quoted by NAKATSU, "I see him but I
don't know who he is", quoted by SHISACHI, "Oh wow, this looks fake!
Photoshopped!", and quoted by KUBISA, "Wow, I might just add stalking to the list
then."

Details will be updated accordingly. Last updated today by Kunikida Doppo.

---

Updated by Tanizaki 05/17: I think I've figured a goal out based on YOGO's interview.
I will confirm with Ranpo later today. See attached transcript and file titled
552_05_1.mp4

STATUS: ACCEPTED, ONGOING

Transcript file, saved under 552_05_Transcript.pdf as followed:

Tanizaki: I apolgize, I know we just put you in the hospital.

Yogo: Haha, *coughs*, you are quite alright son. Without your help, I wouldn't be
here now would I?

Tanizaki: Haha, I suppose that's true. In any case, allow me to formally restate that we
have your consent to not only have video evidence recorded on file but as well as a
working audio file that will be transcribed accordingly. We will also ensure that
anonimity is present during the transcribing processes but maintain that your birth
name will be present initially for completely

Yogo: I consent.

Tanizaki: Thank you *chair moving* Allow me to formally introduce myself. My

name is Tanizaki Junichiro of the Armed Detective Agency. I am also with my
supervisor, Kunikida Doppo who is also a part of the Armed Detective Agency.

Kunikida: Hello, my name is Kunikida Doppo. Please to meet your aquantiance and
thank you for your cooporation regarding this case.

Yogo: Haha, of course young one. Ask away!

Tanizaki: Ahh, um, so —

Kunikida: We want to recount your specific events. For documentation purposes, your
recount takes place sometimes between May 9th and May 10th but you've stated that it
was likely May 10th as it was during the day, correct?

Yogo: That's right.

Tanizaki:On May 10th, you've stated that you had just stepped out into the hallways
of your apartment to retrieve the local paper that always arrives at 8:30 in the morning.
Is this correct?

Yogo: Mhm, yes.

Tanizaki: As stated, you said that usually your son does not allow you to step out the
apartment because of your decliing health, correct?

Yogo: Tch, I mean if I have to answer... then yes.

Kunikida:Moving forward, when you had stepped out for a few minutes to retrieve
the newspaper, you saw a figure down the long hallway talking to another figure. In
your report to the officers and emergency services before they brought you in, you
confirmed that you hadn't worn your glasses but had your hearing aids on. You've
confirmed that the voices down the hall were of two different people: one of which
was your son, Akihiko. Is this correct?

Yogo: Ahh yes, I forgot to wear my glasses but that's only because the nice mailman
always puts it in the same spot beause even he knows that I hate wearing my glasses!
But yes, you're right. I had only heard of Akihiko but I couldn't see them quite clearly,

*papers shuffle and the chair squeezes, knocking into the IV machine*

Tanizaki: S-Sorry!

Yogo: Young one, you have nothing to apolgoize! Hahaha!

Tanizaki: A-Ah, haha okay. Umm, okay so we've have written down that you were
calling for your son to come over and invite his new friend. However, you stated that
 you noticed that both of them become quiet and the unknown person had seemed to
vanish... Uh, Goro?

Yogo: ... I'm not a good father, you know lads? *bed sheets wrinkling* I uh.. When I
had called Akihiko over, he turned around and as best as I can see, I saw him walking
away towards the exit.

Kunikda:... What happened after?

Yogo: He was supposed to bring food that day. My apartment is small and sparse... It
had been 4 days since Akihiko came back. When I tried calling him, he said that his
father had ran away.. *sniffles* I-I am not a good father, lads.

Tanizaki: G-Goro...

Yogo: *sniffles more* When I was younger, I had a drinking problem. I've been sober
for over 40 years now lad, can you believe it? I.. would take my frustrations out on
Akihiko back then and when I finally become sober... *sniffles, wrinkling of the bed
sheets*

Kunikida: Please, it's okay, the Armed Detective Agency will—

Yogo: No, please. You have to understand something. What I am now, what I do for
Akihiko, I do out of repentance because I don't have much time left in these old bones.
I... It took a while for our relationshipto become amicable and when I had my first
stroke many years ago, Akihiko came back for me. After... after everything... he said
that he forgave me *sniffling* I have caused much pain for Akihiko and this pain is
something that I will carry to Hell itself.

*bed sheets shuffling*

Tanizaki: A-Ah? Goro?

Yogo: Akihiko forgetting me has been the blessing I needed, the blessing that he
needed. He is no longer teethered to these dying bones of mine. He will be free.

Both Tanizaki and Kunikida walk out of the hospital room, faces subdued and strained. Tanizaki
looked at his right hand, the hand that held Goro's hand as he cried silent tears. He was smiling as
widely as he can, reaching his eyes and something about it punched Tanizaki in his gut. He stepped
towards the wall and felt the cold plaster hit his back. Kunikida kept his hands in his pockets,
hiding the clenching of his fists. The air between them is taut with tension and despair.

"You know," Tanizaki breaks the silence. "You.. you know about Atsushi right?"

Kunikida is quiet for a moment.

"Ah, I do."

Tanizaki grimaces, his left hand curled into a fist and slams it against the wall. His teeth grit, eyes
wide with frustration. But his heart is in pain and he feels it everything he breathes and it tightens
differently. Kunikida looks away, allowing the sunlight to reflect glares off his glasses.
 "Does Dazai know? I mean, if —"

"He knows..." Kunikida shifts his glasses up and looks fully at Tanizaki's who's staring back
hopelessly at him. "He doesn't feel the same way".

Tanizaki clicks his tongue in disapproval and just like before, his heart aches just a bit stronger. He
thinks back to the victims, to Atsushi, to Goro.

"I uh... I get now why Ranpo was against taking this case," Tanizaki speaks slowly. "It's like this
guy.. person.. thing is trying to give second chances to those who've lost something they've loved".

When Tanizaki and Kunikida walk back to the office with the recent case files in their hands,
exiting the elevators, they stop to see Ranpo standing in the hallway just before the office door. His
hands are in his pocket and a notable frown is on his face. Even with his eyes closes, he can see
through them.

"Told you so,"

He brisks past them, heading them and into the open elevator doors. Ranpo holds the door open
and tilts his head back.

"Your culprit is an ability user who has a knack for erasing painful memories," he says clinically.
"Especially if they are related to affection or adoration."

"That doesn't mean—" Kunikida is cut off by Ranpo.

"If you were told that you can never have what you've most cherished for, what would you do?"

Kunikida stills and Tanizaki feels a pang in his heart.

"Kindness appears differently for everyone," Ranpo says. "This ability user's way of kindness
shows up in the form of second changes wrapped in amnesia."

Ranpo releases the elevator door and steps fully in, turning back to face them. Tanizaki stares
hopelessly at Ranpo, face slack while Kunikida appears stoic.. if not for the small twitch of his
right eyebrow ever so quivering. They both immediately read Ranpo's face as the elevator door
closes on them and instinctively knew what he meant.

Not a lot of people get second chances.

Chapter End Notes

I usually used behindthename and their sister site for names so if you'd like to know
the meaning, please refer there.
 Re: Re:
Chapter Summary

This is a callback to Ch 3: The Afterparty but moves forward otherwise.

Chapter Notes

By popular demand, I've decided to make this into everyone's problem. Also,
SUICIDAL IDEATION / REFERENCES TO SUICIDE because it's Dazai so please
read at your own discretion

See the end of the chapter for more notes

"How do you know my name?"

How would someone react when hearing those words? How should someone react when hearing
those words?

As Dazai stands on the rooftops of the office building, he gazes openly at the ever-growing and
near-sentient city. He can see the waves of crowds move against the flow of traffic, people
scuttling towards their morning jobs and morning goals. The sunrise peaks harshly behind the tall
skyscrapers and sets the concrete on fire with bright red and orange colors. The noise is the most
worrisome, however. Or rather, it's the most perplexing. Even early morning, Yokohama speaks
loudly and proudly with a symphony of clamor. From the distances, hidden in the bass, are cars
honking and their motors buzzing through traffic. It's overlapped by chatter from the bustling
pedestrians, from children so excited for life as they sprint down the blocks heading into school.
This is in stark contrast to the jagged blast as constructions move forward.

Dazai, who stands before the great abyss that is Yokohama, takes in the view with bitterness.

"My name is Nakajima Atsushi, what's yours?"

Those words leave something in his mouth, a distinct taste. While bitterness would be one of the
correct words to use to describe the taste, it isn't quite the exact word that he'd use. It feels heavier
like someone's pried open his mouth and poured gelatinous mixture akin to concrete down his
throat. His trench coat feels heavier on his shoulders as well, sticking closely to his skin despite the
number of bandages he's wrapped his arms, legs, neck and chest. He still feels the thick wrinkles in
the coat, the heavy material of the clothing and resolutely ignores how dirtied he feels.

How would someone react when hearing those words?

How should someone react when hearing those words?

Most people would be expressively shocked and frantic. When Dazai heard those words, his eyes
narrowed and he saw another puzzle for him to solve. If his hand twitched, he didn't pay much
attention to it.
Over the next few days, while those around him start building the case, Dazai watches over
Atsushi carefully. When Atsushi makes that offhand comment about his ability, Dazai finds that
the corners of his mouth twitch and wonders if it's because of the increasing complexity of the
puzzle developing before him. Because this new development is certainly interesting. When he's
punted with Tanizaki to do some surveillance and clue-searching, he doesn't argue at Kunikida and
stays humbly quiet with a small smile on his face. Tanizaki gives him a worrying look and he
waves him off. Because he has nothing to worry about.

When Dazai drags Atsushi to go with him to Atropos', he watches as the boy looks warily at
Kyouka before agreeing. When he watches Atsushi rave about the coffee-boba, it is reminiscent of
the times before and Dazai finds himself smiling softly at it, the case temporarily forgotten. When
he hears that Tanizaki, however, was the one that introduced Atsushi to the coffee shop, his smile
drops a bit. Dazai knows that Atsushi is looking over, he knows that his smile isn't happy anymore.
But he continues walking forward and the case is remembered.

Dazai stands on the rooftop, amazingly unbarred from fences, and hops on the ledge. From a five-
story building, the chances of suicide are scarce — in fact, there's a higher chance that if he were to
jump right now, he'll likely have more bone fractures and internal trauma than experience actual
death. He looks down the side of the building, watching the few pedestrians passing through,
ignorant of a man on the rooftops. He wonders if any of them would have stopped him, would have
cared to look up and see him.

Death is a sweetly morbid concept to humanity. It is often hidden behind closed doors, locked with
deadlocks and chains. On some occasions, someone manages to open those doors, whether
intentionally or unintentionally. On other occasions, there are those that pass by the doors often, so
close yet barely touching the locks. On even rarer occasions, there are those that have a constant
hold on the chains, again whether intentionally or unintentionally.

Suicide is the bastard that teases, that pulls on the chains and tries to jimmy open the doors.

But Dazai, his suicidal ideation, doesn't pass by Death's door per usual.

As a matter of fact, while his initial idea was to contemplate another suicide, he passes by another
door. It's made of some type of white porcelain, carefully constructed, with decorative swirls and
adornments in the center. He stops and stares at this door, his mind far from reality. Because, by
chance, he's forgotten what's behind this door so.. he looks at it carefully. He sees a rusted metal
handle which is juxtaposed against what appears to be newer metal chains that seem to loosely hug
the door. He reaches out, hands gently touching the chain and wonders when they appeared on this
door. His eyes widen as the ornate chains all break, clasping in front of the door, all before his
eyes. I could probably open this door now, he ponders plainly.

"Nothing in this world can fill that lonely hole you have."

Dazai snaps back into reality, eyes narrowing at the sun peeking through the skyscrapers. The door
that he saw, the one that had broken chains on the floor, the one with the rusted handle, looked
different because of the porcelain, of course. Most doors aren't made up of porcelain or ceramics,
often made up of a type of metal or wood. This particular door, there were notable deep cracks in
it, some of which were filled with some gold lacquer. It reminds him of a particular memory, one
that leaves more annoyed than he let on, more.. possessive of sorts.

"Hey,"

Dazai lazily smiles at Kuinkida, who stands hovering over him as he spawls on the
couch with his usual, favorite read (The Complete Guide to Suicide) carefully laid to
 particularly enjoyable chapter. He blinks at the sudden change in demeanor; Kunikida
gazed at him warily, his brows furrowed to complete the image.

"Stop teasing him," Kunikida makes a pointed look towards Atsushi, who's happily
conversing with Kenji about some new movie that they both saw.

Kunikida looks back down at Dazai, who happily hums an unknown tone, shooing him
away with just a hand. It's enought to earn indiscriminate noises of frustration from
Kunikida. Of course, that's what Dazai wanted but, to continue the charade, feigns
innocence.

"I'm unsure of what you're talking about, Kunikida," A sly smile appears on his face.
"Please explain."

Kunikida sighed, embittered.

"I don't make a habit in embracing feelings that come from men," Dazai answers,
much to Kunikida's surprise.

"Then I'd rather you tell Atsushi that fully rather than playing with his feelings,"

"Ah!" Dazai gasps. "How dare you think I'm so cruel as to—"

"He'll never hate you," Kunikida interrupts. 'But one day, you'll push it too far and
you'll lose him."

Dazai stares in honest shock and watches at Kunikida stalks over to Atsushi and Kenji,
reprimanding them for talking during work hours. He watches the two young boys
scramble an apology to Kunikida and resume their usual, work activities. Dazai can
count the few occasions where Kunikida regards him as a friend, where his eyes are
adament but passionate. He picks up his book again and skips to another chapter, a
chpater dedicated to suicide by exsanguination. The conversation leaves a particularly
nasty taste in his mouth and he bites in the inside of his cheek hard enough to draw
blood. To drown out the taste.

"Ah, Dazai!" He looks over to Atsushi, who's walking over and carrying a warm smile
on his face. "Let's get lunch for everyone! I'll pay, of course!"

Dazai watches Kunikida from behind and ignores it to focus more on the Atsushi in
front of him. Despite the sting of blood in his mouth, he smiles warmly at Atsushi,
allowing it to meet his eyes.

"Ah, if you insist, Atsushi~"

When Tanizaki and Kunikida come in, their faces are so woefully somber, it almost makes Dazai
laugh. Instead, he leads back on his chair with his feet planted at the edge of the desk and puts his
hands behind his head, a lazy smile on his face.

"What did Ranpo say?"

Kyouka and Atsushi were punted off to deliver some important paperwork to the head of some
poor official, courtesy of Dazai of course. He watches Kunikida carefully control his acrimony
while Tanizaki slowly places the folders on Kunikida's desk.
 "Do you want his memories back?" His lazy smiles slip a bit as he watches Tanizaki straighten up.

"Answer him, Dazai."

Dazai hums but doesn't answer. Not because he doesn't want to answer. It's just... the first time that
he doesn't have an answer.

"Dazai!"

Kunikida slams his book of Ideals on his desk, pushing his feet off the desk. Dazai glares weakly,
his body readying to react dramatically in order to pull Kunikida back into their usual antics but
stops short when he looks at Kunikida's face.

"Listen... Dazai, we're going to go forward in solving the case but if you have any hesitations, you
will speak now and tell me," Kunikida's eyes drill holes into him.

Dazai smirks.

"Ahah, you're so serious, Kunikida~ It's just a shame that all the work I spent with Atsushi is going
to go down the drain~!"

A large noise startles both him and Kunikida and they look over to Tanizaki, who's slammed his
fist down on a nearby desk. Dazai watches closely as Tanizaki, who was a few feet away from
Kunikida's back, stalks over to him, his face hanging down and hidden. He stops next to Kunikida
and looks at him, his pained face juxtaposed to eyes burning brightly at him.

"Dazai, I've always respected you as my senior. You've... you've saved a lot of people, a lot of
lives," Tanizaki whispers. "But Atsushi is very important to us and he's grown on a lot of us."

"Tanizaki?" Kunikida questions.

"What I'm saying.. is that when we solve this case, you have to make a choice on whether Atsushi
is important to you too... Atsushi finds you to be one of his more important persons in the world
and you have to decide on whether you feel the same."

Dazai bites the inside of his cheeks yet again, tasting the copper sting on his tongue.

Chapter End Notes

Also, I was listening to Re: Re: by Asian Kungfu Generation and hot damn did it hurt.
 Heartbroken
Chapter Summary

[Enter culprit]

Chapter Notes

Ahh, I feel like I'm dragging out the story so I want to get to the more angsty but I also
want to... do a lot of things tbqh. So I hope I did my angst right here lol

See the end of the chapter for more notes

With the addition of the two new cases, Atsushi has now been pulled off the bench and put straight
back into work.

Ranpo, who's been adamant and obvious about not taking the case, switches gears, instructing
Atsushi to pass the pile of folders to him regarding the case. They are both in the empty meeting
room and Atsushi watches intently as Ranpo spreads the papers on the table. It's only been two
years since he's started working with the Armed Detective Agency and even after they've told him
that Ranpo's ability is no true ability, Atsushi still can't make heads nor tails on how he just sees
through everything. The only thing Atsushi can gather is that the timeline between the cases wildly
differs. Sometimes, it'll be a whole day before the next victim, sometimes it'll be within a few
hours. He also notes that the relationships all have some semblance of one another, but he couldn't
quite place it.

The case with the mother and son and the case of the father and son have similarities: both parents
were, in a sense, abandoned by their own children. Through interviews, they were able to
determine that Shiratori (the first female victim) didn't know who the father was but was too scared
to abandon the unborn child. "She had a lot of love," one of her friend's day. "but she never knew
who to give it to". The abusive father was easy to figure out from the transcripts: a father searching
for forgiveness for his lost son.

Atsushi found the case between the brothers a bit confusing. According to a phone call with the
uncle, who was able to find a sooner flight back into the country, the youngest brother was deathly
ill after their mother passed away from childbirth and the father had run away out of pain. Mafuyu,
the younger brother, was at one point declared legally dead for 2 minutes before revived again.
Atsushi thinks that maybe it was that trigger that causes the victim, Kubo, to assume that his
brother's death. But it doesn't sit well in his stomach.

The most recent case deals with two young adults, both females. Atsushi remembers when he was
told to re-interview the other person, the victim's lover named Katou.

"We... we got into another fight, a bad one," she said.

He recalls a broken smile on her face and something about it makes his heart hurt for
her.
 "I'm um.. I'm her first you know?" She chuckles a bit. "So.. I think it was overwhelming
for her..."

Atsushi want to reach out, perhaps to put a comforting hand on her shoulder, perhaps
to tell her that it's alright. But the words and actions are stuck in his mind. He
wouldn't know what it's like to love someone who doesn't love you back so he feels ill-
prepared to offer her any semblance of hope.

"I'm, I'm actually happy, you know?" She laughs, tears already spilling from her eyes.

"She's going to be fine, even if she doesn't remember me. I'll always love her and I just
want her to be happy..."

Atsushi blinks and feels like he's seen this scene before. Like something he's kept in the
back of his mind, something that's flashed a couple of times. Perhaps on a commercial,
an episode running in the background, something.

"Haha," she sniffles, wiping the tears away from her eyes. "So embarrassing. I just... I
just mean that if she's happier without me, without the memory of me, than I'll accept
it.

"No, that's wrong. You shouldn't just accept it".

"Atsushi?"

Atsushi snaps back into reality, a quick mumble escaping from his mouth as Ranpo stares back at
him. He looks down at the files scattered on the table and sees Ranpo holding onto a snapshot of
something in his hand. A small flush of color appears on his face and he quickly apologizes for
being inattentive just now. His heart is starting to beat a little faster and his breath catches. He
points to the picture in Ranpo's hand. It looked like a polaroid of the two girls smiling brightly with
Katou holding up a peace sign and the victim shyly smiling back, an evident blush on her face but
eyes happy.

"Atsushi, the culprit is there," Ranpo sighs and tosses the polaroid to Atsushi, who catches it.

"Eh?" Atsushi pulls the polaroid closer to his eyes, seeing nothing but the two girls and a faint
grain film overlapping them.

"You've been here for about two years so I'm assuming you've learned something,"

Ranpo places his elbows on the table, interlocking his fingers and places his head on top. Atsushi
looks back at him before staring closer at the polaroid. The image is a bit difficult to tell but he
sees two distinct blue blurbs. He squints carefully and notices that the lighter blue on top has faint
orbs of white, something like clouds. Atsushi gasps and an image starts to form in his mind as he
lets the idea fully evolve in his brain. Just peaking into the image is some dark tans and beige blurs
and there's a darker horizon just past it.

"Enoshima! The beach!"

The train ride was quiet as Dazai and Atsushi make their way over to Enoshima. Rather than taking
a car there, Dazai had exclaimed apparently very proudly that he couldn't afford a taxi, emptying
his pockets and Atsushi narrowed his eyes as rolls of bandages fell lightly on the floor. They kept
telling him that the person who recommended Atsushi for a position in the Armed Detective
Agency was Dazai but he never truly believed it. Because Dazai was an instigator; he never took
his job seriously, he always managed to trigger Kunikida for the sake of boredom and oftentimes,
Atsushi found him to be more cryptic than necessary.

How could a self-serving man be his mentor?

Nonetheless, after a scolding from Kunikida surprisingly accompanied by an agitated Ranpo, Dazai
reeled back his antics and followed Atsushi out the door.

When they got on the train, Atsushi was surprised by the number of people on the train. They were
initially standing for about 20 minutes then the number dwindling down. Atsushi saw that the two
seats in front of them emptied and moved to sit, Dazai soon followed suit and sat next to him. The
train ride was quiet, save for train gears grinding and the occasional chatter that drifted in and out
depending on the number of people in the carts. An uncomfortable silence befell the men.
Something that tip-toed between being awkward and being loaded, like a rubber band about to
snap. Atsushi looks over to Dazai, who's face is tilted forward, bangs hiding his face and hands
lose in his lap. The train hits a snag on the tracks and the bump causes a few of its passengers to
sway. Dazai, unfortunately, plays victim to the bump and leans against Atsushi.

"E-Eh?"

His face is red as more of Dazai's weight leans into him. His hands twitch in their lap. Dazai was
considerably taller than him so to Atsushi, he had assumed it would have been too uncomfortable
but he sees from the corner of his eyes that Dazai... was asleep, complete with some light breathing
escaping his mouth. There's an internal sigh as Atsushi resigns himself as the human pillow for
Dazai and finds himself comfortable with the weight. Dazai has his head nearly completely on his
head and Atsushi moved in a bit further, his head now more against Dazai's shoulders.

Atsushi feels rather than sees a soft sign escape from Dazai's lips and he feels the tension between
the two heightened. While he himself isn't tired, Atsushi finds his eyes droop halfway as a light
headache appears. Something about this feeling, something about how Dazai's soft breathes gently
pushing his hair, something about... Dazai... feels wrong to him. His hands twitch, forming small
fists. The warmth of another body leaning against him increases his headache and he has half a
mind to push Dazai away, reasoning that Dazai can always lean his head back against the windows.

But his body refuses in spite of it so he lets the headache wash over him, his eyes drifting shut.

When the train arrives at its last stop, Enoshima, Atsushi slowly opens his eyes and jolts awake. He
looks to his left to find an empty seat and wonders where Dazai is. The sound of a throat clearing is
audible on his right and he looks to see Dazai waving at him, pointing towards the open doors of
the train. Atsushi jerks up, his face pink from embarrassment and nods, following Dazai past the
platform. The walk is silent and he wonders when he had fallen asleep. On the plus side, the
headache is gone and relief washes over Atsushi like a gentle wave from the sea... It's just... his
heart feels a bit heavy. After exiting the station, both men stand in the middle of the bricked court,
Dazai scanning his surroundings carefully while Atsushi looks straight.

"Atsushi?"

Something... someone is calling for me right now. He thinks quietly. Atsushi squints his eyes,
straining his ears to listen for the voice. Dazai moves to stand in front of him, his hand waving
back and forth in front of him but he doesn't respond. His hand raises up, to stop Dazai's waving but
stops in the air, his head turning to the right.
"Atsushi?"

He can barely hear Dazai calling for his name when he hears the voice again.

I-I don't... I don't want it to disappear!

His legs respond before he knows it and Atsushi makes a dash towards the ocean. He ignores the
cries from Dazai, his legs carrying faster than ever. Atsushi hops over the railing and lands evenly
on the sands, his head whipping back and forth, eyes darting to find the source of the voices. He
sprints forward towards the oceanfront. There are barely any people on the beach today since it's in
the middle of the week on a workday. He stands still, the waves barely dragging the sand from
underneath him and for a moment, the voices stop. All he hears is the crashing of the waves, the
cawing of the seagulls hovering over and he watches the ocean against the bright, setting sun. He
forgot that it was late by the time they left the office.

"Next time you want to see the beach, don't run!" He looks to his left to see Dazai finally catching
up to him.

Dazai gives him a poutful look and Atsushi finds himself grinning back before looking back at the
ocean. Though the sun is barely setting, the waters are in a dizzying array of cyans, pinks, oranges
and yellows. They compete with one another: the blues tugging back with the waves, the oranges
and yellows hopping onto the plunging waves from afar and the pinks staining the surfaces
extending to the sands. Atsushi watches the struggle, mesmerized.

... but not the pain

His head snaps back again, twisting to find the source. Atsushi turns his head to the right again,
where he originally heard the voices and looks back at Dazai on his left.

"D-Dazai, I.. I hear voices," his eyes are wide. "Ah, they sound scared.. I can't explain it but I—"

Was it someone you were in love with?

Atsushi whips his head back to the right, his legs moving on their own accord. The feeling, the
voice, gets louder as he walks towards the source. Initially, when he had heard the voices, they
sounded and felt so far, like they were locked up in an iron box but as he nears the source, the
voices amplifying, drowning out the waves crashing and the seagulls above. The voices, these loud
whispers, they started to feel more different. They felt chained and heavy, filled with iridescent
human emotion yet it grated against his ears. Atsushi felt his hand cover his ears, teeth grinding in
response, his heart choking against his ribs. As he nears the source, he can't make out the words
but the feeling, whatever this feeling was, it amplifies and drowns out any resemblance of language
in his mind.

"Dazai?" He stops some meters away and gasps at the image.

It's incomplete and blurry but in the center of the beach between the crashing waves and platform is
a man. A strikingly tall man with dark brown hair, bandages whipping through the air and land
close enough to the waves that it bites the tip. The figure has its back turn, wearing a beige trench
coat and when he turns around, Atsushi finds himself grief-stricken. When the figure turns around,
he's reward with a Dazai look-alike and Atsushi finds himself gripping his headtighter. He feels his
heart jump from his chest to his throat, eyes unable to look away. This figure, this Dazai look-alike,
is staring at him with dark caramel eyes looks at him with unfettered and vulnerable adoration with
his smile mirroring back at him.
 "D-Daz—"

"There you are."

Atsushi flinches, his hand dropping down from his head and turns slowly on his left at the hand on
his shoulder. He looks up and sees a taut smile on Dazai's— the real Dazai's— face. When he
looks back at the figure, the spell is broken and reveals a man around the same height as Dazai. He
has dirty blonde hair that appears browner than blonde, three distinct moles on his face— one
under this right eye, on near the corner of his lip on the left and the last one just a touch under his
jawline and on his neck. His eyes are the most distinct feature: his right eye, the one where the
mole is under, has a turquoise color that matches well with the colors of the oceans while his other
eye, his left eye, is as dark brown as liqueur. He wears a white button-down and a black sweater
underneath. Atsushi notices a small chain dangling from a pocket on his left side tucked in his dark
blue jeans and in some sense, it looks all too familiar to him. The stranger stares back at Atsushi
and Dazai spiritlessly.

"Hmm, you young'ins never learn, do you?" The stranger speaks, hair wisping against the sea
breeze.

"Haha, they never do!" Dazai responds in a cold laugh.

Atsushi watches at the stranger looks fully at him and recoils at the sudden attention. The stranger
tilts his head, eyes ever so listless despite shining against the sunlight.

"Nakajima Atsushi, right?" Atsushi flinches.

"How do you know my name?" His voice quivers a bit and he doesn't know what kind of feelings
are coming up.

"I remember all the names of the memories I've taken..." The stranger looks over at Dazai, his eyes
darkening a bit.

"Including that one there. Dazai Osamu, was it?"

Atsushi feels the hand drop from his shoulder. A darkening aura surrounds Dazai and goosebumps
crawl on Atsushi's arms and shoulders like mosquitos looking for blood.

"Oh my, don't you think it's unfair that you haven't told us your name?"

There was a pause afterwards, the stranger looking over at them quietly.

"Rei."

Chapter End Notes

Okay, so apparently, Enoshima is a small island with a really nice beach that's really
train-accessible for big cities in Japan like Tokyo and Yokohama. It's only an hour
away by train!

Also! This is who I imagined to be Rei (spelled with the kanji 零 meaning 'zero' )
drawn by my carpal tunnel wrists baby. And if he were to ever become animated, I
imagined him to have this voice actor lol.
 Rei
Chapter Summary

Small backstory about Rei before moving forward with more angst.

Chapter Notes

Initial mentions of child abuse and that's it. Also, I'm so sorry its long but I just wanted
to get everything out here since its an OC lol

The first memories that form in his mind are of pain and sadness.

Rei is five years old when he first gets hit by his father with the metal end of a belt. The strike
lands on his back and effectively marks with a bright red imprint of the belt. This is also when Rei,
at the age of five, sees glimpses of his mother. His father never told him what happened to her. The
memory is of his mother, who he's ever seen through old, hidden photos, on a hospital bed. At the
age of five years old is when he first experiences pain and sadness but at the age of eight is when
he realizes his mother died from childbirth.

There's more pain throughout the years, more marks crawled into his skin, more words echoing
desperately in his ears and mind, more pain and more sadness. His father hates him, hates the blue
that matches his mother's, his father's wife's, eyes. His ability is activated around the age of ten,
when he instinctively grabs his father's arm to hold off the raw physical power of his punches. His
father passes out and Rei stands quietly over the body, the vivid memories of his father's time with
his mother colored brightly.

Wheat Fields is what he calls it after the incident. Because of the many memories of his mother
and father running through fields of wheat so unencumbered by the chains of life.

When his father wakes up, he has no recollection of who he is. So, as all fathers do, he decides to
punt responsibility to anyone but himself. Rei is punted off to an orphanage, where he spends a
large amount of time taking people's memories of him, just to stop the pain from further staining
his skin.

At 18 years old, Rei decides that he'll take away the world's pain.

As the suns before them on this endless stretched beach, the sands starting to whip around his
figure as Rei watches the young, silver-haired man and the darker-haired man. Wheat Fields is a
unique ability that never truly captures the physical characteristics of the stolen memories. He
remembers seeing the younger man, Atsushi, vividly but Atsushi's memory of this so-called Dazai
is often blurry and incomplete. As all memories are. So Rei, with a hand wrapped around a gun,
watches with careful consideration.
"We're the Armed Detective Agency and we're here to take you in," The taller man speaks first.

His eyes shift towards Atsushi, who recoils at his sight. He watches a conflict of emotions pass
through the young man's face: bewilderment, anxiety, and some semblance of guilt. Rei's come to
realize with his ability that the memories he's stolen act as a sort of repellant. Most people that are
come near him, inadvertently or otherwise, shudder and turn away. If they were close to the object
of the stolen memory, whether it be a person, item or place, a sort of mental safeguard occurs. For
most people, it appears as a headache. Sometimes, if the object of the stolen memory is inanimate
like a particular place, there's a sudden urge to fear to escape it or to dispose of it in any way, shape
or form.

"I've never heard you lot," he replies evenly. "However, if you must, I ask that Atsushi do it."

Rei looks expectantly at Atsushi, who takes a step back, his eyes widen with fear. The young boy,
Atsushi, mumbles something incoherent and watches as Dazai stares widely at him. The hand that
was on Atsushi's shoulder now drifted back to Dazai's sides, eyes dark. Rei looks over and allows a
small wave of sadness, not his of course but Atsushi's, to enter his mind, What he sees, what he
feels, is enough to dry up his throat. Unrequited love, he found, left the most mordant feeling in his
mind. It was like a wounded beast hellbent on destroying anything that came in it's path. The other
types of love, familial, platonic, even obsessive, often dulled his mind as though he was in between
reality and the dream states. That type of pain was more mind-numbing than actually painful.

But unrequited love was a wild beast.

"I-I think he's going to kill me," Atsushi whispers.

Rei pulls out his gun as Dazai steps forward and makes a show at pointing it at him. He watches
Atsushi snap back in reality, his stance readying for a potential battle. His eyes drift to focus on
Dazai, who looks at him with... something murderous.

"You will let me go," Rei speaks evenly.

"Oh yeah?" Dazai counters. "A gun wouldn't really stop us, you know?"

"True..."

Rei moves the gun barrel to his temples, watching the pair eye him with even more confusion.

"My ability, Wheat Fields, is unique," His voice is even regardless of the gun against his head. "Do
you know what happens to a memory if it's destroyed its current state?"

Rei makes a show of pulling the gun back and cocking it before bringing it up to his temples.

"When memory is destroyed, the person I've stolen it from also dies. They slip into a coma as their
life source is drained. But the thing is, it's only active if my life is under threat of death, of course,"

Rei's eyes steel themselves, watching a cold, calculated yet murderous look coming from Dazai
before looking over to Atsushi, who glares at him openly, his stance still readied for battle. He
repeats his prediction, that they'll let him go scotch-free and watches in bewilderment as Dazai
shrugs his shoulders, hands up in the air.

"Well you got us there, Dazai calmly says." But, I'm afraid we still can't let you go so easily."

Rei is startled at the sudden change in attitude and looks carefully at Atsushi, who is still in a
battling position. His mind reels, trying to think of alternatives as he makes careful steps backward
to get away. In his periphery, Rei sees a white shine of something metal and steps back, his hand
releasing the gun and watches as his gun is being cut in half by a sword. His head whips around
and sees a young girl in a red kimono with a white demon hovering close to him.

"Don't let him touch you!"

Rei recoils, effectively dodging this white demon's attempts at grabbing him. He sprints as best as
he can in the sand towards the platform. His tongue clicks at having lost his only weapon and
zigzags through the crowd entering the courtyard as they exit the train. Rei crouches carefully, his
back plastered in the shadows, watching Atsushi and, what he surmises, the rest of the agency
search for him through the crowds. He heads down the alleyway, spotting an unmanned
motorbike. Rei breaks open the compartment and starts to hotwire the motorbike, hearing it stutter
before starting on. He feels the edges of the seat, finding a bend and pulls it up, revealing a helmet.
He quickly puts it on, ignoring the shouts of a person down the alley, most likely the owner of the
motorbike, and maneuvers the bike to face where he entered the alleyway.

"Wait, stop!"

The bike roars over the man's voice as Rei reves the bike. But before he can escape, a loud gunshot
rings down through the alley and the back wheel bursts, causing him to skid down the alley. He
hits his head against the large garbage container and he's promptly knocked out.

Dazai, who was well aware of what Rei's plans were, starts to walk towards the owner of the bike,
who slowly fades into green snow revealing Tanizaki. The true owner of the motorbike was hiding
behind a door that led into the alleyway. Once Light Snow fully disappeared, Tanizaki goes to the
door, to thank the man for letting them use the bike. Dazai nods at the man's smile, waving his
hand as Kunikida, who was on a fire escape hidden by Tanizaki's Light Snow ability, jumps down,
pocketing his gun. Both Kunikida and Dazai make their way towards Rei as Atsushi and Kyouka
stand at the entrance of the alleyway.

Dazai reaches over to Rei, placing a hand on his head. Bright blue lights and streams appear as he
nullifies his ability. The light disappears and Dazai stands up, looking at Atsushi expectantly.
Something is... strange. Atsushi looks at him, his head tilting before looking back down at his
hands, clenching and unclenching.

"I don't think it worked," Atsushi finally speaks.

"What?" Kunikida questions, looking at Atsushi with wide eyes.

Dazai puts a finger on his chin, his eyes looking down at Rei, who's currently unconscious.
Something is strange indeed, Dazai muses. When they first encountered Rei, he knew that Atsushi,
for whatever reason there is, seemed deathly afraid of the man yet, Dazai, a man whose ledge
bleeds red, sensed no bloodlust, no minute intentions of rampage and violence. For the spectators,
his co-workers, Dazai appeared deep in thought as he stared at Rei's unconscious form. His eyes
however betrayed much emotion, dark brown swimming with violent thoughts and he feels a
visceral reaction, a visceral thought, to strangle the man.

Kunikida gives the order to bring Rei back to headquarters and chain him to the infirmary bed. He
hands Dazai handcuffs, stating that he should handcuff him should he awake and Dazai,
uncharacteristically, takes it without complaint and quickly cuffs him together with Rei. He glances
over at Atsushi, who follows Kyouka to go with Tanizaki and fetch the car but... in a split second,
Dazai can see a sliver of relief in his eyes. Something that funnily enough aggravates him.
Why does he look relieved? His eyes narrow slightly before bending down and hoisting Rei on his
shoulders.

The group arrive back at the office in due time and quickly shuffle upstairs to bring Dazai and the
luggage into the infirmary. Kunikida quickly uncuffs Dazai's handcuff and pins it to the bedframe,
still silent. Dazai watches carefully, face devoid of any emotion as Kunikida walks past and out of
the room. He blinks, noticing a mess of white hair at the door frame. He watches Atsushi stagger
between entering the infirmary and exiting, his foot lightly scuffing the floor.

"Atsushi?"

Dazai looks over, watching a surprising look appear on Atsushi's face. For a split second, as
Atsushi looks at him with anxious eyes, Dazai forgets that he doesn't remember him. Because
Atsushi looks at him, searching for an answer, eyes bright gold, honest and open. He watches those
same eyes shift towards Rei and sees a visceral reaction of fear in his eyes.

"I uh.. don't think..." Atsushi starts. "I don't think I'm supposed to be here."

Dazai's brows furrow a bit, his mind going miles a minute. Those words are something
unfortunately familiar to him, especially when said by Atsushi. The younger man has always
incredibly heavy feelings regarding his self-worth, often exacerbated by his naivete but this is
something different. The Atsushi now, who wavers quietly near the doorframe, eyes unable to look
up from his shoes, is quite different from the one that he knows, the one that he first saved.

This Atsushi is somewhat more brusque, rather than thinking through his own thoughts, he'll
verbalize them without meaning, as though he's mulling over them loudly. This Atsushi cares for
everyone in the Agency, which has never wavered, but Dazai notices that... Atsushi is much more
composed when it comes to his emotions. Almost akin to dispassionate. An uncomfortable film
settles in Dazai's tongue and it's almost enough for him to choke on it.

"I'm not a bad guy,"

Dazai looks over to see blue and brown eyes staring back at him coldly. Rei has woken up and lays
quietly in the bed, eyes drifting back up to the ceiling.

"The world is full of pain," Rei declares. "I'm here to fix it."

Dazai scoffs quietly, his eyes narrowing at such a ridiculous statement. In the many years he's been
left unfortunately alive, Dazai knows first hand that this pain that Rei speaks, is something that's
permeated the very core of this Earth, something that cannot be so easily erased or hidden. It is an
everlasting sickness that plagues the very corners of the universe without remorse nor regret. Dazai
opens his mouth, to rebuttal such ridiculous notion, to cut through Rei like butter but is interrupted
by Atsushi.

"You can't fix it,"

He looks over at Atsushi, who's fully come into the room and notices a slight twitch on his left
hand. Rei continues looking at the ceiling.

"I want them back," Atsushi declares. "I want my memories back."

Ah, that's what it is, Dazai recalls. His... Could he call him his? The old Atsushi, the one that he
knew so well, would have stood here in fierce determination, ranting about his orphanage,
allowing all his emotions spill out to reveal a beautiful diamond of a soul to anyone who listened.
But this Atsushi, whose more reserved, who stands before the heterochromatic ability user, has a
stance that screams jitters and nerves. But the eyes, his gold eyes, look determinedly at Rei with
something analogous to passion.

"Are you sure about that?" Rei makes a move to sit up as best as he can with one of his hands
handcuffed to the bed.

"What do I get in return?"

Dazai smirks.

"I'll let Atsushi decide that~!"

He waves smoothly at Atsushi, who looks over at him with an aghast look that mirrors Rei's.
Atsushi nods stiffly before turning to face Rei. Dazai watches as his hands curl into fists, eyes set
with determination.

"You're going to be in pain," Rei states.

"It's my pain and it'll be my responsibility to deal with it." Atsushi replies back.

"So then what do I get in return?"

Dazai watches carefully at the conflicted look on Atsushi's face, his eyes devoid of emotion despite
the crack of a smile twitching the corner of his lip. The old Atsushi would've known what to do
almost instinctively but this one doesn't. There are myriad expressions of faint emotion that pass
through Atsushi's face and none of them match the kindness Dazai would see. It's something
familiar and unfamiliar all at the same time.

"A chance to save people from the pain."

All three men look over to see Ranpo standing by the door, a green lollipop in his hand. Dazai
looks carefully at Ranpo, whose actions spoke louder than his words. He has been actively
avoiding to help with the case, going as far as to bar Dazai from any unnecessary interactions with
Atsushi.

"I figured out who you are weeks ago, you know?" Ranpo pops the lollipop in his mouth, walking
in the infirmary and leaning againt the bed frame of the bed across from Rei's. He looks over to
Atsushi, who flinches at the sudden attention. Dazai watches the situation carefully.

"Atsushi, you know," he starts. "His ability is to erase painful memories. Do you think it's
interesting?"

Oh, Dazai's face mirrors his internal thoughts, that's quite an ability. He looks over to Atsushi and
Rei, watching Rei eyeing Ranpo as though he was an anomaly put on this Earth (which wouldn't be
wrong, per say). Atsushi's brows furrow before a look of epiphany. He whips around and looks
expectantly at Rei, who eyes him with suspicion.

"My memories, please."

Dazai watches as Rei looks at Atsushi before pulling out the long chain on his side. He puts a hand
up, indicating that it isn't another weapon, and watches as a small pocket watch appears in his
hand. Rei says that he keeps all the memories in his pocket watch, stating that after he took
Atsushi's memories, he looked into the Armed Detective Agency and found that Dazai had a
nullifying ability. Dazai smirks, congratulating him on the precautions he took despite being
captured.

The copper pocket watch, with engravings gently caressing it, starts to glow a bright gold color.
When he pushes the button to open the clock, it reveals a broken watch inside with minor scratches
near the center of the watch. A white orb appears out of the watch and dissipates into the air before
Rei quickly shuts it. Dazai lurches forward, an arm quickly capturing Atsushi's figure as he leans
forward and notes that he's been rendered unconscious.

Dazai brings the boy to his chest and puts another arm underneath his legs, bringing him to the bed
where Ranpo leans against the bedframe. He watches Atsushi's face carefully, noticing the soft
lines around the corner of his lips and eyes. Dazai catches himself looking at Ranpo, who stares
back with eyes closed and face expressionless.

A chance to save people from the pain, huh? Dazai looks back at Rei, who sits with the pocket
watch in his lap and eyes cast down.

"When he wakes up, he'll remember you," Rei says.

 Case 552 - Completed.
Chapter Summary

Atsushi remembers and Rei is forgiven.

Chapter Notes

It's near the end yall, I finally figured out how to do it lol.

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Atsushi stands in a sea of endless skies, reflected on each other like mirrors. There is a light breeze,
something that catches him off guard considering that there is nothing in the area that says he's
even on Earth. But something feels calming here. The reflected skies that encompass his reality,
that surrounds him without overpowering him, feel warm and light which is contrasted by the crisp
smell of the air.

"Atsushi,"

He looks over to the voice and stares opening at a duplicate of himself. Well, almost a duplicate.
This duplicate, with hair bright silver and eyes that shine gold-purple, is missing a tie and his
gloves. One of his suspenders is cuffed at the end of his right shoulder, almost falling completely
off. His face, the mirror image of his, carries a heavy look. Atsushi has seen this look before, back
when he was in the orphanage.

It is heavy with despondency and regret.

"Do you want to remember?" He says. Or rather, the mirror image says to him.

Atsushi gulps at himself, the sudden slideshow of images passing through his vision. He feels
incomplete like he's watching a movie, as he watches himself interact with everyone in the Agency
after losing a part of his memory. Something in him hurts and Atsushi clutches his chest, falling
onto his knees. Flashes of Dazai appear in his memory and his eyes feel blurry. Feelings of
worthlessness and overwhelming sadness cloud his mind as he watches his interactions with Dazai.
They are devoid of familiarity, of suspicion and... annoyance. Like.. it was as if he was more
annoyed that he had to get to know Dazai.

"It's going to be painful," this mirror image says. "And you said yourself that you didn't want to
feel that pain again."

Atsushi, whose vision is now blurred with tears, looks up at this mirror image, who looks down on
him without emotions. He finds himself smiling at him, a small laughing slipping out of his lips as
the tears stream down his face. Atsushi shakes his head, understanding fully but this mirror image
of his still stares at him without passion.

"It's.. it's painful yes," Atsushi starts, moving to stand up.

"But it's more than that, you know? Dazai is.. someone very important to me." He watches his
mirror image look up at him with awe. "This type of pain is called something else. Do you know
what it is?"

"No.. what it is?"

When Atsushi comes to, he wakes up with tears slipping down his face and a hoard of faces enter
his blurry field of vision. He sees Kenji, who looks at him worriedly alongside Kyouka. He sees
Tanizaki and Naomi smiling brightly at him, eyes a bit too shiny (he wonders if they were crying
before). He even sees Yosano, who has a tired smile on his face along with Kunikida, who has a
small smirk on his face. His heart is full and the tears flow freely down his face. Atsushi puts the
heel of his palm against one of his eyes as he moves to sit up in the bed.

From his sitting position, he tries to wipe the tears from his eyes. He sees both Ranpo and the
President stand side by side with Ranpo endorsing a cheeky smile and the President, although not
smiling, with relaxed and relieved eyes.

When Atsushi finally finds Dazai, who stands a little behind the President and Ranpo, he sees
something that he didn't think he'd ever see in his lifetime. Dazai looks at him with eyes filled with
such tenderness, such softness that it causes the tears to come full force and he can't stop them. His
heart yearns, painfully, fully, openly, and through the tears and sobs, he feels speechless.

"Welcome back, Atsushi," Dazai says.

Atsushi looks up, a wide smile on his face despite the tears. "I'm back."

Three days pass since Atsushi gains his memories of Dazai back. The President makes a deal with
the police force to take Rei under his wing since there were no murders or other wrongdoings done.
They agree on the condition that he releases the memories he's stolen. Rei accepts and
unceremoniously releases the memories. Kunikida signs in contentment as he marks the case
closed.

At first, Rei had adamantly refused to join the agency, and Kunikida agrees with him. Atsushi
however manages to persuade him that he can be a freelancer for the Agency, that his abilities have
the power to do good, that he can do more than what he's been doing now. So Atsushi brings him
to his first test:a mother dying of cancer and her daughter, who's been caring for her ever since.

Rei's face twists with concern and Atsushi smiles softly at him.

"It's okay, you've got this."

Composed, Rei sighs quietly.

"Special Ability: Wheat Fields with Cypresses."

The dying mother, who lays in the hospital bed hooked up to various machines, coughs quietly as a
small white orb emerges from her mind. It materializes into Rei's hand and appears like a marble in
his hand.. There is a swirl of black within the marble and Atsushi looks at it carefully.

"Are you sure?" Rei looks over to the daughter, her face worn from exhaustion and tears. She
smiles sadly at him.

"S-She won't be in any more pain, right? Rei nods in return and watches her carefully as she nods in
response to his question.

Atsushi watches as Rei grips the marble in his hands and nods in return when Rei looks at him.
They both walk out of the room, offhandedly mentioning that they'll be right back before Atsushi
transforms his right hand into his tiger form and slams Rei against the wall. Rei grits his teeth,
feeling the marble in his hand glow strongly. Atsushi, whose eyes have become like his tiger form,
shifts to see a white light in the palm of where the marble is.

"Special Ability: Wheat Fields with Crows!"

The white light blinds Atsushi, who steps back and holds his tiger-transformed hand over this eyes.
When the light dyes down, Rei is on the floor, on his knees, hands outstretched against the floor.
His breaths come out in puffs, a bead of sweat dropping to the floor. Atsushi reverts back and goes
straight to him, hands immediately landing on his shoulder.

"Ahaha, sorry young'in. I forgot how strong Crows are."

When they head back into the room, the daughter sits beside her mother, tears still slipping down
her face. She looks up at the men, her eyes relieved and happy and Atsushi watches the flash of
surprise on Rei's face. He looks back at the mother and notices that she's smiling, the machines
quiet since the mother passed away. The daughter stands up, reaching for Rei's hands and
expresses her gratitude much to Rei's shock and awe. Atsushi smiles brightly at the image.

CASE REPORT - Dictated as followed.

CASE #: 552

TITLE: MEMORY LOSS

STATUS: ACCEPTED, COMPLETED.

CULPRIT: Vincent William Van Hoff, otherwise known as "Rei", born in March 30th to
Annabella Caron, who died during childbirth and Theodphilis Van Hoff who is currently missing.

Ability User, see below.

Wheat Fields, a memory-altering ability, allows Van Hoff to alter select memories of
his victim so long as he s touching them. This specific ability is tailored to affect only
painful memories and rather than erasing them in it's entirety, it seems to shift certain
events into fills in the holes according.

Confirmed: Wheat Fields can alternate the memory of the victim in regards to another
person, another place or area, and even an inanimate object.

Types noted, see below:

Wheat Fields with Cypress- Allows the user to pull out the memory in the form of a
white marble. According to Van Hoff, this marble can then be consumed for him to
gain full access to the memory and be used accordingly or can be stored. In this case,
the memories of the victims were stored in the pocketwatch [this explains why No
Longer Human couldn't nullify the ability as it was not currently active]
Wheat Fields with Crows- Allows the user to use the marble as a protective type only
activated if the user is in imminent danger.Acccording to Van Hoff, this type is
difficilut to control unless there is an active memory in his hand otherwise, it will
 default to a random memory in the storage. Ranpo has a theory that it can be controlled
however, there has not been any inclination otherwise.

Chapter End Notes

I wanted to follow BSD's literary references but refused to do so because I am actually

dumb. So I defaulted to Van Gogh lol. Also, Wheat Fields with Crows was actually
suspected to be Van Gogh's last pieces before he died so I felt that it was apropos to
use it in this way.
 The End
Chapter Summary

Atsushi finally opens everyone else's presents for him and gets dinner too, courtesy of
Dazai.
It’s the final countdown (do do doo doo, do do doo doo doo)!

Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

Today is Thursday, named after the Thor, the Norse god of thunder in Norse mythology. For most
people, it represents itself as a pre-Friday, signifying that the weekends are near and the week is
almost over.

It's also almost a week after Rei passed his first test, something that brings great joy to Atsushi but
also, great responsibility. Kunikida deemed him to be capable of integrating Rei as an unofficial
liaison between those who needed him and the police force. It's taken two years to earned the right
and privilege to move forward with a case, let alone keeping tabs on their culprits so it's something
Atsushi takes pride in even if his nerves often shortcircuit his brain.

The walk back home wasn't as bad as he thought it as, despite the hot sun that hovered over the
city, threatening to burn the asphalt roads and concrete sidewalks. The sun had only just started to
set but the city itself, Yokohama in full bloom, is still active. The comfortable colors of dark
oranges, reds and yellow begin to paint the skies accordingly as Atsushi pulls out his keys to enter
his apartment.

When he had finally calmed down and tears weren't continuously flowing down his face, he was
immediately embraced by Kenji and Kyouka. He remembered how familiar they felt to him, how
welcoming they felt wrapped around him in his arms. Then Tanizaki and Naomi followed suit,
crashing everyone on the floor. The air was light with joy and laughter and it cleansed his soul.
When Atsushi was finally released from their grasps, standing up slowly and dusting off his pants,
he felt the sling of an arm around his shoulders and the familiar feel of warmth. He looks up, his
face immediately colored and sees Dazai smiling mischievously at him.

"Well, well, well! You know what this means, Atsushi?" Dazai continued to look at him
impishly.

"Eh? Dazai, what do you mean?"

"It's time for a party!"

Dazai pulls him closer to his chest, a haughty laugh erupting from his chest as he
dragged Atsushi towards Yosano, who was kindly supporting two bottles of her
favorite red wines. He follows in tow, hearing the background noises of Kunikida
trying to veto said party and Tanizaki trying to hold him back from attacking Dazai.

He remembers the warmth that spread from his shoulders down to his chest, how close Dazai was
enough to smell a faint perfume, something like sandalwood. He remembers the laugh that echoed
in his ears, how it vibrated his ears and set goosebumps free, running down his spine and arms.
Atsushi remembers that despite his snarky rebuttal to the idea of having a party, he welcomed it
and brought his hand up to Dazai's upper back and relished the contact.

If Dazai had any complaints about it, he never made it known and continued his usual antics.

Present-day Atsushi, the one who's already stepped inside his living room/bedroom area, blushes at
the memory despite the smile on his face before a small sigh escapes from his lips. The presents
that were sprawled out after the initial incident laid in almost the same position. Evidently, he had
forgotten them while being... well, while his memories were being rewritten and removed and
Atsushi was so busy getting Rei accustomed to working with the agency and other parties that
Atsushi, without a doubt, often passed out just on his genkan without a care in the world.

But now, with some well-deserved free time, Atsushi slowly picks up the scattered gifts and gift
wrappings he's opened. A part of him is annoyed that his previous self, the one without memories,
never cleaned up in the apartment. There was a pile of dishes in his sink, his clothes were scattered
and for some reason, there were 5 different kinds of toothbrushes in his own bathroom sink. He
was surprised it didn't smell in here but saw that his previous self, at least, had opened the
windows wide.

Atsushi puts all the gifts down and, pulling out a small trash bag, starts to open some of the gifts.

Kunikida had passed down a small planner complete with a pen and stickers to mark down
important events in the calendar attached to the planner. Atsushi shakes his head, a small smile
appearing on his face, before moving on to the next gift. Kenji's gift is in a tube, about as long as
his arm and when Atsushi unrolls it, he sees the poster of the movie that he had watched with Kenji
a month back complete with signatures from the main casts. Atsushi gawks, his mouth opening
wide and jumps up and down in excitement.

When he opens up Ranpo's gift, which is in a medium-sized boxed, he sees some sort of
confections. Atsushi carefully reads the label, which says 'Saltan's Turkish Delights' and looks in
wonderment. When he opens the box, he sees five rows of differently colored squares in five
columns... with one row completely devoid of the confections. Atsushi giggles, understanding
almost immediately and goes for the blue-colored confection, immediately hit with something
incredibly sweet and slightly minty. He makes a mental note to try the other flavors later.

Yosano's gift was next and.. he snorts as he pulls out a bottle of plum wine from the wine box.
There is a small note attached to it that reads This is surprisingly the only wine I don't like, haha!
Happy birthday! He puts the wine on his table and smiles at it quietly before moving to open
Tanizaki's and Naomi's present. Inside the large box are an assortment of books. His eyes widen
with excitement and quickly skims through them. Some of the books are tattered, written in fading
Japanese text while others are brand new and hardcovers. Atsushi notices that they're mostly a mix
of Japanese and English literature recommendations with few philosophical books and fun
fairytale/children's books.

The last gift he opens, or at least the last one that's wrapped, is from the President and everyone
from the Agency. It's a small frame with a picture of everyone in the frame, taken from their
rooftop barbeque months ago. Atsushi stands with a peace sign, smiling brightly at the camera with
Dazai on his right with a confidant smile, hands stuffed in his pockets and Kyouka on his other
side, who smiles a bit more shyly. Everyone else is in the background smiling brightly and
something about the image makes him sad.

Atsushi carefully puts all these presents on his small table and looks at it carefully. The pin that
Kyouka gave him is also on the table although, it's missing the backing. But... he looks at the tie
that Dazai gave him, that had collected dust, and holds it in his hand. He stands up and heads
towards the bathroom with the tie in his hand. He traces the hidden cat embroidery, mind lingering
and quiet.

These past events have changed him. He isn't sure if it's better or worse but... he feels different than
his usual self. The funny thing is, the periods during which he had absolutely no recollection of
Dazai were the periods where... he felt at peace. It was a selfish notion, even after saying that the
pain made him better, made him empathize, but it was the truth. Atsushi didn't have to think of the
pain and hope that came with unrequited love, he didn't have to think about how desperately he
wanted Dazai's approval, to feel the warmth on his head whenever he patted him. His fingers make
quick work of the tie that he's currently wearing but start to slow as he puts on the more expensive
tie. Atsushi looks into the mirror, seeing nothing but his own reflection. There's some sort of
melancholy that washes over him... as if he thought if he put on the tie that Dazai's given him, it'll
change him.

Dazai has that unique habit, to make someone change against their own wishes. But Atsushi, eyes
that pierce even through himself, grips the bottom of the tie. When he had finished the case report,
handing in the final pieces to Kunikida, Kunikida had caught on to his mood.

"Are you okay?" Kunikida quietly asked.

They both stand near the mailboxes at the back of the office. Dazai's currently chatting
with Ranpo about some new internet craze, Kyouka is out with Kenji on some other
case while Tanizaki and Naomi continue with their usual interactions. Atsushi, whose
mine was elsewhere, barely registered the question asked.

"Huh?" O-Oh, haha yeah..."

He trails off and feigns a small, innocent smile but Kunikida sees through it. Of
course, he does.

"Is it about the case?" Kunikida asks cautiously

Atsushi allows his eyes to trail to the side, flicking towards Dazai, who isn't paying
any attention to where they are now. Who converses and chatters without a care in the
world, arms waving aroudn franticially while Ranpo laughs loudly at the motion. The
corners of his mouth twitches unknowest to him but Kunikida caught it. An audible
sighs escapes from him lips and Atsushi snaps his eyes forward.

"N-No... Ah, I mean.. yes. I just..."

"Unfinished business, right?"

Kunikida gives him a kind look that really highlights his face which begins to soften.
Atsushi nods timidly, ignoring the ache in his heart.

That day, the night of his birthday, just before Rei had stolen his memories of Dazai, Atsushi
remembers the feeling that washed over him. It was heartache, it was absolute love, it was...
Atsushi continues staring at his own reflection, watching himself and his eyes harden. That night,
when he lost his memories, his heart had broken as well. Because he knew, through the anguish of
loving Dazai, Atsushi would also stay where he is and he will never move forward. Because he
knew that it was time to accept his position, that so long as he was by Dazai's side, he'll always
have love, even if it isn't what he truly wanted. Atsushi had finally accepted that it was time to
move on.
The doorbell rings and it startles him out of his thoughts. The ringing continues incessantly despite
his vocal affirmation but when he opens the door, all thoughts escape his mind.

"Dazai?" Atsushi gives him a perplexed look.

Dazai smiles wider and pulls out two bags from behind his hands.

"The sun's setting and I brought some burgers! Care to join me on the roof?"

The rooftop of the building is made up of three floors: two above group and a basement for laundry
and storage. It's designed in a way where it slightly slants downward to the gutters that collect rain
with an additional awning above the rooms on the second floor. Both Dazai and Atsushi sit on the
more elevated side of the rooftop with a beam that stretches across the entire building, placing the
two bags on the beam.

Atsushi quietly thanks him, reaching for the fries and stuffing a few in his mouth. He watches the
sunset, the bright colors becoming more vibrant against the clouds. The air feels different between
them and part of him wants to apologize to Dazai, for hurting him but the words become stuck in
his throat. But he doesn't know what he'd apologize for: how do you apologize for forgetting?
Kunikida's words permeate his thoughts: unfinished business and it rings louder than anything he's
ever heard. He needs to confess, so he can move on.

"D-Dazai?"

Atsushi turns to his right and watches Dazai stuff handfuls of fries into his mouth, eyes maniac. His
composure breaks, his face twitching in a mix of both fear and awe. Dazai glances over and
unfortunately thought it was a good idea to hold a conversation with his mouth filled with fries.

"Hmomgh to die omfhgma eat mofh fries manfhgrfmah cold mmahdghom,"

"I don't know why you would assume I would understand that just now," Atashi deadpans, his
mind drawing a complete blank.

"Amhf— I said!" Dazai loudly gulps, licking his lips (of which Atsushi quickly averts his gaze).
"If I'm going to die now, I'm going to eat these fries first because cold fries are awful!"

Atsushi blinks and laughs wholeheartedly, agreeing with Dazai's sentiments completely. He pulls
out the soda from the bag and starts to drink it, silently thanking Dazai for breaking the tension. It
strengthens his resolution. After a few sips, Atsushi braces himself and his heart.

"Dazai..." He faces Dazai as straightforward as he can without slipping down the slope of the
rooftop.

"For the past two years, I've... I like you, Dazai. Uh.. I think I love you actually," Atsushi tries to
fight the blush on his face as he watches Dazai reach over for his burger in his bag, eyes faced
downwards.

"I'm sorry it's not what you want to hear. I.. I know that you don't like men but..." Atsushi puts the
soda down on his left so as not to fall.

"You don't have to say anything but I needed to say this,"

His eyes break contact with Dazai's and Atsushi can feel his entire body shrivel inside himself as he
trails off. He's gotten better at controlling his self-deprecating thoughts but on some days, in some
moments, they'll come back with a vengeance. His heart is rebelling against his ribs, nearly
drowning the noises of the vibrant city as they travel to his ears. He feels his neck cold with sweat,
his hands in the same state and his composed expression so desperately twitching, trying to break
the facade.

"I want to move on, Dazai. If I can, I have to move on."

"No."

Atsushi snaps his head back up and whips around to face Dazai, who has such a brazenly disgusted
look on his face that it nearly kills Atsushi on the spot.

"They put onions in my burger," Atsushi blinks in confusion.

"What?"

"Onions? They put onions in my burger," Dazai makes a vomiting motion and pries open his
burger to remove the onions.

Atsushi finds himself in a near state of panicked relief. He feels that he should be happy that Dazai
doesn't find him disgusting but... They're just onions, he thinks quietly. The winds picked up a bit.
The skies before them are slowly being erased by the overpowering palette provided by the sun.
The city fights for its own colors back, blues against reds and oranges and the clouds reflect bright
yellows.

His heart is heavy but has quieted down as his hands unclench themselves. There's a soft
understanding in Atsushi's heart, something that tells him that Dazai's acknowledged his confession
and declined him all in the same moment. Atsushi feels better for it because he's doing the first
step: he's going to start healing after this.

"What kind of Dazai are you looking for?" Atsushi hums in question, eyes turning back to Dazai,
who's staring fully at the setting sun.

"Did your Dazai accept your confession? Did he fight back or did he scoff at it? Perhaps called it
disgusting?"

Atsushi stares, unable to read the emotions on Dazai's face. It's like looking at a beautiful painting
down the hall of an eerie mansion. As he stares more at painting, he expects the eyes to move, to
look straight at him, to scare him, to mock him. But something tells him to answer as honestly as
he can. Because it's Dazai. Because after everything Dazai's done for him, it's the least that he can
do.

"The Dazai that I like is the same Dazai that I confessed to," Atsushi replies evenly. "And I'll
accept whatever answer Dazai gives me."

"This Dazai is pretty messed up, someone that's not made to be with others in every sense of the
word. He's manipulative, prone to jealousy, can't even go a day without trying to kill himself."

Atsushi gulps at the last bit of his sentence but sees nothing betray this image, this.. Dazai sits
before him with eyes void and intently watching the sunset.

"I know what I signed up," Atsushi whispers. "I can take care of you."

"It's rotten work, Atsushi."

"Not to me.. not... not if it's you,"

Atsushi finishes his statement in anguish, his head hung low. He made the resolution to move on,
after two years, he wanted to move on. But... Atsushi didn't realize how hard it would be to move
on from someone like Dazai. His eyes burn and he squeezes them shut, willing the tears away.
Because he can't ask for more than what Dazai can give him and if Dazai can only give him the
idea of mentorship, of being friends only, then he has to accept that. Because its the only love that
Dazai is capable of giving. Regardless of the pain in his heart, regardless of dryness in his throat.

This was something Rei never understood.

Atsushi feels the tug of his tie and moves towards the direction of which is being pulled at.
Immediately, he's only a few breathes away from Dazai's face, whose eyes narrow at him as his
face turns red. I'm too close, his mind focusing only on how visibly he can see Dazai's dark
eyelashes, how red Dazai's eyes appear to him, how warm the small puffs of breaths coming from
Dazai are. His hands twist and unknowingly claw at the rooftop as if he was going to fall, as if...

"You dirtied the tie, Atsushi,"

Atsushi watches disoriented as Dazai leans back a bit and strokes the tie. His fingers catch on the
dust and he continues to wipe it clean diligently, occasionally wiping his hands on his trenchcoat.
Atsushi's throat is clasped, dry with anticipation and fear. He is in a very precarious situation and
despite the rigorous training Kunikida, Dazai and even Ranpo's put him through, he can't find a
solution out of it.

Dazai goes on a small spiel on how hard it was to find someone that'll embroider, rather than
screenprint, cats behind a silk tie. He mentions the expenses and how he actively made sure
Kunikida couldn't find out about it. Atsushi tries to reply back, his mouth barely opening to talk
before he's cut off.

"I accept your proposition, Atsushi,"

Dazai pulls the tie a bit close, shifting Atsushi closer, and brings the tip of the tie to his mouth and
gives it a gentle kiss. Atsushi sharply draws his breath, his face beet red as Dazai, with his lips still
on the tie, look up and.. Shit, Atsushi curses and loudly gulps. Dazai, with eyes that match the
setting red sun, looks at him as though the world disappeared before them, leaving only them. He
looks at Atsushi with unburdened and unencumbered... love.

"Gah!"

His feet slip and Atsushi finds himself sliding down the inline of the rooftop, hands waving
upwards grasping at air. His foot catches on the leaf gutters and he unceremoniously falls two
stories, landing on his face on the grass. Atsushi quickly pulls himself into a seating position with
two legs outstretched as he hides his face in his hands, the pain radiating from the bridge of his
nose to his forehead, down the sides of his cheeks and pulsating at his chin.

Atsushi looks up to Dazai, who jumps off the rooftop and lands perfectly on his feet like a cat and
sees him loudly laughing at him. He groans in both pain and embarrassment and continues to hide
his face, wishing that the fall had actually killed him for a split second.

"Haha, A-Atsushi," Dazai snickers."Ar-Are you okay?"

When he peeks through his hand, he's met with a squatting Dazai whose eyes are alit with humor.
A part of him is grateful to be given an image of a happy Dazai so close to his face.. until he
 remembers the moments prior to his fall, in which his face immediately darkens with color.

But wait—

"Proposition?" Atsushi asks.

Dazai leans forward, a hand stretching out and runs his hair through silver locks. Atsushi shivers at
the touch, his hands still on his face, hiding the intense blush. The same hand that burns his head
moves down and Atsushi finds himself moving his hands, despite all mental notes saying
otherwise as Dazai's thumb touches his forehead. The thumb rubs gently across his forehead and he
fights the urge to whimper at the touch. A finger runs down his nose from the middle of his
eyebrows down to the tip of his nose and Atsushi doesn't even think about the possibility of having
a broken nose. He feels the hand now warmly cup his cheeks, a finger running across his lips and
Atsushi opens his eyes in shock, unsure of when he had closed them shut in the first place.

What he sees in front of him breaks his resolution of moving on, his eyes tearing up. Dazai stares
back at him, eyes mixed with admiration, longing and despair all clashing with one another. His
mouth is thin like he's unsure of whether he should smile or frown and it stares openly at Atsushi's
lips.

"Did you mean it then?" Dazai asks quietly. "That you want to move on from me?"

The tears fall of their own accord and it slides against one cheek freely, without restraint, while the
other side is stopped by Dazai's warm palm against his cheek. The thumb that was slowly tracing
his left leaves to wipe the tears tracing his face and Atsushi shives, unsure if it's because there's
nothing tracing his life or because of the tenderness he feels as Dazai wipes his tears. His lips
quiver as he gazes back at Dazai.

For the longest time, Atsushi had felt that there was every sign being thrown at him, telling him to
relinquish these feelings he's had, to either bury them or kill them. Atsushi took every single
moment, with Dazai, about Dazai, for Dazai, no matter how minuscule it was, and dissected it,
cherished it, mourned for it, distilled it for his selfishness, for his own desires and it nearly killed
him.

But now, he has Dazai in front of him. Dazai holds his face, traces his lips, looks at him with
longing.

Atsushi is trembling from the hand on his cheek alone. Something in him speaks briefly and he
latches on to it, letting it burn his soul.

"C-Can I have you, Dazai?" He asks with lips quivering and his soul on the verge of spontaneous
combustion.

Atsushi feels another hand on his other cheek, the warmth spreading rapidly against this face and
shuts his eyes as Dazai leans in closer. Atsushi feels a warm but firm touch on his forehead with a
small touch on his nose and dares (forces) at least one of his eyes to take a look. All he see is
Dazai's lashes, all he feels is extreme warmth and affection from the two hands that hold his cheeks
gently and Atsushi feels drowsy in his feelings... reciprocated.

"Always, Atsushi."

Chapter End Notes

Relax, I wouldn't leave yall hanging like that. There's a fucking cavity-inducing
epilogue coming up soon
 Epilogue
Chapter Summary

Atsushi thinks too much, Dazai feels too much. Can't blame them much, they're just
dorks in love.

Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

It is around 4:47 in the morning and Yokohama, for a split moment, is tranquil. That isn't to say it
is quiet— there are still a few cars that can be heard distantly honking or revving their engines up.
The planes fly over and their roaring engines fill the air, descending down upon the city like rain.
The buzz of the folks awakening has yet to come.

Since his orphanage days, Atsushi has gotten into the habit of sleeping as early as nine at night,
waking up at exactly five in the morning. Ever since he's started working for the Armed Detected
Agency, his sleep schedule had been greatly altered. But still, he'll find himself awake around five
in the morning, even occasionally pushing him to wake up a half of an hour past. It took some time
for him to get used to sleep comfortably, to sleep without fear or worry. There are still nightmares
on bad days but despite the dread that twists his stomach, he's ever grateful for the agency.

So, Atsushi lays in his futon, with the time only being a little less than fifteen minutes before five
o'clock. He feels a heavy warmth across his stomach and against his back and quickly sighs for a
bit until a shiver goes down his right arm. Atsushi mumbles a bit in this state of active
consciousness and self-awareness of his background and reaches out to pull the blankets and wrap
them around himself.

Said blankets move on their own accord and gently cradle him. Atsushi feels a tightening against
his chest and the warmth against his back rising up to his neck and the back of his scalp. He feels
the gentle fabric of his blanket being pulling and draped over his arms and sighs quietly, his body
immediately adjusting to the warmth.

Atsushi feels his mind slipping slowly into a state of deep and undisturbed rest.. until a part of him,
the conscious state of him that is trying to wake up, asks him a question and to be quite honest, it's
a pretty good question too: Did the blanket just move on its own?

Atsushi jerks, his eyes flying open, his hand readying themselves to fight against the sudden
pressure.

"Mmm.. too early..."

A breath of hot air attacks his ear and Atsushi freezes at the voice... That is, until a furious frenzy
of color chews out his cheeks and the tip of his nose. Even though he's wide awake and currently
trapped, he recognized that voice from anywhere. D-Dazai.. Dazai is here. Oh god, oh my god, oh
my god! Atsushi envisions his mind like a hamster running on a wheel that's moving too fast for
him and now, said hamster is clinging frightfully on the rungs of the wheel, hoping that it'll stop
spinning. Dazai's arm, still covered with loose bandages, pulls him closer, a small squeak escapes
Atsushi's lips to his dismay. Perhaps he should count himself lucky that he's laying down right now
because if he was standing, he probably would've fainted on the spot.

The hand that's attached to that arm, with a gentleness that Atsushi's only ever felt whenever
Dazai's patted him on the head, moves and his fingers slowly against Atsushi's hands before
settling in between the webspace of his finger. It's as close to hands, fingers interlocking as Atsushi
can get and he feels the hamster in his mind finally letting go of the rungs, spinning wildly before
being tossed out of the wheel.

Usually, whenever Dazai slung his arms around him, it was loose yet stiff. Like he still had a
barrier up, to protect himself from something, to protect himself from Atsushi. Yet, as they lie here,
with Dazai so intimately wrapped around his figure, he's realized that the tension that's usually
seeped in Dazai's actions is no longer there. Atsushi gulps at the thought, a smile making its way
on his face.

It's a privilege to have Dazai so vulnerable around him. So Atsushi, who lowers his eyes to see an
open bottle of plum wine, his birthday gift from Yosano, and two cups left out, sighs and resigns
himself to stay in Dazai's embrace a little longer, his fingers

By the time Atsushi sneaks out of Dazai's embrace, complete with a few grumbling noises escaping
Dazai's lips, it's a quarter till six in the morning. Dazai moves from his curled position and the hand
that held his moves to the corner of the futon. His lips twitch, looking at Dazai's form amused, and
pulls the blanket up to his chest.

Atsushi makes his way towards his kitchen and pulls down the curtains. He makes eye contact
with the dirty dishes that seem to call for his attention then looks over to his rice cooker. When he
opens said rice cooker, an exasperated sigh escapes from his lips: his memory-lost version of
himself is really so selfish that he couldn't be bothered to cook more rice. Atsushi walks over to the
fridge, opening it and narrows his eyes in annoyance. There's nothing left in his fridge save for a
carton of eggs and a small bottle read in a different language, with the translation noted at the
bottom saying "fish paste".

He pulls the small, red bottle and opens it. There's a distinct smell of spices mixed but it lacks
anything else. Atsushi notices some of the paste attached to the bottom of the lid and scoops it with
his fingers, noticing a strong but flavor taste of fish, salt and peppers with a distinct crunch. He
remembers buying the fish paste prior to having his memories rewritten. Atsushi looks around for
the potatoes he's chucked on top of the fridge and sets out for his peeler.

Although there aren't any other options in his apartment, Atsushi smiles at the thought of making
breakfast for Dazai. A first in every sense of the word, especially since he's not a terrible cook but
could be better. He peels a couple of potatoes, cuts them up in half-inch thickness (he was tempted
to make them akin to french fries but resolves against it, mainly because it would be too tedious to
do early in the morning). The potatoes are then soaked in a cold water bath, which gives Atsushi
plenty of time to get started on washing the dishes. Once he's done with the dishes, allowing most
of them to air dry, he pulls out two plates and dries them off, setting them on his small counter.

He pulls out the small bowl he's washed and goes back to the fridge, taking out the egg carton and
setting it down on his counter. Atsushi notices that the pots and pans were the only ones cleans and
takes back the idea that his memory-lost version of himself was lazy. He goes to his rice cooker
and takes out the container, rinsing it before adding rice and water into it. When he places the
container in and turns on the rick cooker, it reads 20 minutes. Atsushi hums quietly to himself as he
preps the pan, lightly oiling it with olive oil. He turns on the fire on low-medium and, after
whisking two eggs in a bowl, pours it in slowly so as not to spill over. Atsushi pulls out two
chopsticks and starts to gently check the eggs. Once cooked at the bottom, he folds the other half,
moving the pan a bit so it slides down. After a few minutes, the eggs are finally cooked and he
folds it into a small omelette and takes it out of the pan, placing it neatly on the plate on his right.

As he goes back for the olive oil to re-oil the pan before making the second omelette, he feels two
arms wrapped around his shoulders. He feels a sharp chin on his left shoulder and lips just barely
touching his neck, warm puffs of air against his neck. Atsushi blushes, his chopsticks slipping out
of his hands a bit.

"Hmmghmbreakfastmmhmfh?"

"You should be careful, Dazai," Atsushi is surprised his voice comes out even. "I'm cooking with
hot oil."

The arms tighten a bit more, much to Atsushi's chagrin, but make no effort to step away and let him
cook. Despite the blush on his face, Atsushi finds himself in conflict: his heart stutters at the
feeling of Dazai wrapped around him, but his mind is now shouting at him to yell at Dazai and
make him go back to his room so he doesn't hurt himself. Instead, against his own mind's wishes
and apparently, to the benefit of his heart, he continues to make the second omelette, moving
slowly. The second omelette comes out a bit darker than he intends, which he should've expected
since the weight of Dazai on his shoulders weighed him down a bit.

Atsushi puts the second omelette on the other plate and moves to check the rice cooker, which
reads five minutes. He pulls out the potatoes that have been soaking the water and rinses them out
before grabbing another towel and patting them dry. With the same pan, he puts a hefty amount of
oil and turns the heat closer to medium heat. The potatoes sizzle as he dumps them in the pan.
Once they're golden to golden-brown, he carefully takes them out and places them on the same
plate as the omelette. With Dazai still in tow, but surprisingly quiet, he makes his way towards his
room and places the plates down. The weight on his back and shoulders increases and his hands
grip the edge of the table as he bumps into it.

"D-Dazai?" There are more incoherent noises against his shoulders.

"Dazai, cmon, you can't seriously be asleep still."

More incoherent noises follow.

"I'm almost done with breakfast,"

And more incoherent noises follow.

"The rice is cooking, just five more minutes,"

And more and more incoherent noises follow. Atsushi feels slightly irritated at the lack of coherent
responses but it disappears when he hears the beep of the rice cooker signaling the end of its
cooking cycle. Despite Dazai's protests, which come out as incomprehensible mutters and dumb
muffles against his shoulders, Atsushi gets up without obstacle and moves to the rice cooker. A
puff of steam escapes the rice cooker as he opens it and it continues to dissipate into the air as he
mixes the rice before putting them into two small bowls. He's about to walk back to his room when
he spots the fish paste that he pulled out to use to eat with the omelette. He blinks, looking down at
his hands filled with the bowls of rice.

"Dazai, can you get the fish paste?"

Dazai is still incomprehensible but Atsushi watches in wildly as one of the arms that held him now
moves around in his kitchen, reaching and unsurprisingly failing to grab the bottle of fish paste.

"Right... no, that's left... no that's the olive oil, the paste is.. yeah no.. ah yeah, that's it, grab that
please."

Atsushi signs as the arm that sporadically searched for the fish paste curls back around his
shoulders and he feels rather than hears some more incoherent grumbling. He walks back into his
room, placing the bowls of rice on one side of the plate with the omelette. He gently touches the
hand that has the paste and it immediately releases it, hands desperately looking to hold his
shoulders again. Atsushi opens the bottom and places a small amount of paste on the omelette.

"Breakfast time," he says quietly, his hands touching Dazai's arms softly.

The arms slink off his shoulders and Atsushi watches in bewilderment as Dazai, who is apparently
still sleepy, crawls on his knees to the other side of the table. Atsushi is instantly reminded of an
inchworm and, when he looks at Dazai, who mumbles out a 'thanks for the food', he's instantly
reminded that Dazai is not a morning person in every sense.

They eat their breakfast in pseudo-silence. It's already 6:45 in the morning and the city outside the
windows has started to stir awake. The birds and their morning calls echo across the skies, the
noises from cars are a decibel louder. There's a low rumble of noises from the early crowds and
tracks ring louder as the trains make their way across the city. Atsushi, who has been eating his
breakfast slowly, watches Dazai with aspiration. Dazai, whose eyes are barely open, eats his
breakfast with a lazy smile on his face as if he's not in the moment. Something about this seems
intimate to Atsushi, something about this moment of theirs seems so surreal.

I wonder if I'm still dreaming.

"Thank you for the meal,"

A small 'huh' escapes Atsushi's lips and he snaps out of his thoughts, looking over at Dazai, whose
plate and bowl are cleaned out. The light in Dazai's eyes is back, indicating that he's now fully
awake, and he looks at Atsushi with gratitude. Atsushi blushes in return, his hands stilling as his
heart beats a bit stronger against his chest. He quietly thanks him for the compliment and continues
to eat, averting Dazai's piercing eyes. I.. I guess I'm not dreaming, huh? Atsushi lets his mind drift,
replaying the events that lead up to his moment over and over again.

His mind is reeled back when he feels a hand on his head. Atsushi looks up and sees Dazai and his
piercing gaze. With the sun hitting the side of his face, illuminating the brown in his eyes, the
image burns in his mind— Dazai looks absolutely divine.

"Let's skip work and go on a date,"

Atsushi's heart implodes on itself, his face showing the aftermath of the implosion as a dark flush
decorates his cheeks and nose. Then... his eyes narrow at Dazai, who looks at him with such
innocence reserved for children... and whenever Dazai wants something out of him.

"We can't skip work today,"

"Who said?"

"Kunikida, Tanizaki... the President."

"Well we haven't tried yet so—"

"No."

Dazai pouts and Atsushi almost immediately regrets denying him. But he turns to face the table
despite having finished his meal a while ago. A small smile appears on his face and Atsushi turns
back at Dazai, who's still sulking from the recent rejection, with his knees up to his chest and
hiding his face, only brown eyes looking up at him.

"We can go on a date though... if you'd like," Dazai's eyes light up and Atsushi grins.

"Welcome back, Atsushi," he says.

When Atsushi looks up with a wide smile that contrasts against his tear-stricken face,
Dazai swears that the sun has nothing against this boy.

"I'm back."

A week has passed since Atsushi and his memories came back, it's been almost a week since Rei
was made a freelance agent, working alongside the Agency. Dazai has always had a near
photogenic memory, so he remembers almost every moment in his life, almost every emotion he's
ever felt in his life. But when he saw Atsushi look at him as he drags him to Yosano, who was
sporting two bottles of wine, he saw the light in Atsushi's eyes and it was dazzling.

But now, Dazai stares at Atsushi with something akin to a fool's paradise as he agrees on a date
with him.

He's reminded of the events that lead up to this moment:

Dazai remembers feeling his hand twitch when Atsushi opened the door after his incessant ringing,
to see him wearing his tie with a cute look of surprise on his face. He saw the light film of dust on
the tie itself, with some parts cleared from Atsushi putting it on, and if his heart feels a bit heavy,
Dazai pays no mind to it.

When they sit on the rooftop, Dazai first notices the tension on Atsushi's shoulders. A part of him
wants to reach out, put his hand on his head and take that tension away. Because his... ah, no this
Atsushi shouldn't be so tense around him. He's gotten his memories back and they're going to be
just fine.

"I don't know why you would assume I would understand that just now," Atsushi
deadpans.

Dazai inwardly smirks. Because they're going to be just fine. Everything is going to be
the same as it was before Rei. Before everything that had happened.

"Dazai... for the past two years, I've... I like you, Dazai. Uh.. I think I love you
actually,"

Dazia bites down inside this cheek and he reaches over for his burger in the bag.
Something in his heart stutters against his own voliation. He tastes blood in his tongue
and welcomes the salty sting. Because something in his heart is heavy and beating
harder than usual.

Everything was supposed to be the same as it was before.

 "I'm sorry it's not what you want to hear. I.. I know that you don't like men but..."

I'll make an exception for you is what his heart is saying. Dazai refuses to listen and
disregards it completely.

"I want to move on, Dazai. If I can, I have to move on."

Dazai grits his teeth, eyes digusted and angry.

"No."

The anger was justified, of course. Dazai found fucking onions in his burger after specifically
asking for no onions. Dazai is hung up on the onions because he doesn't like the film on his tongue
when he heard that Atsushi wants to move on. Because how dare he? After the effort he's put in
training him, in advising him, annoying him, teaching him, pushing him to be better, how dare
Atsushi say to him that he's ready to move on?

But the words that come out of Dazai's mouth replay his inner monologue about onions. From the
corner of his eyes, Dazai sees Atsushi stare off into the sunset, his eyes darkening and something
akin to relief and... acceptance. The weird acidic taste from the onions after he took a bite from his
burger burns his throat. Nothing else is burning his throat, of course, and he continues to blame the
onions for the burn in his heart.

"I know what I signed up," Atsushi whispers. "I can take care of you."

"It's rotten work, Atsushi."

"Not to me.. not... not if it's you,"

Dazai remembers the conflicted look in Atsushi's eyes held before he closed him... and his mind
flashes back to the day ... the moment when Atsushi regained his memory. The feeling of respite
permeated his very skin, muscles and bones when he saw that insanely bright smile on Atsushi's
face with unfettered recognition. Tenderness spills out and paints over his otherwise dark brown
eyes as he gazes at Atsushi. The night after, after their impromptu party, Dazai remembers that he
had a dream about that porcelain door.

In this dream, he stands before that same door with gold-filled cracks. There are no
more chains and the metal handle, which was rusted and chipped initially, looked
almost brand new. When Dazai reaches, a hand firmly grasping the handle, he's
immediately hit with a nostalgic feeling that almost chokes him. He pushes the door
open and comes face to face with an endlessly white room... with a desk in the
middle... Atsushi is sitting there, fiercely sifting through a pile of papers on his desk
with a grimace on his face.

Dazai blinks, watching as the boy goes through the papers as the sound of scribbling
and papers sifting echo the room.

"He's a good kid, you know?"

Dazai whips to his right, his eyes wide.

"Oda..saku?"

Odasaku turns, a soft smile and he looks exactly as he did before the blood stained
him. Before Death took him away. Dazai looks back at Atsushi, who's now fumbling to
 keep the other stack of papers from falling off his desk.. and failing. A chortle escapes
Dazai's lip and he holds his hand to cover his face.

"Let him save you, Dazai," Odasaku whispers, catching Dazai's attention.

"Let him save you like you saved him,"

Odasaku turns with his back against Atsushi's view and starts to walk towards the
door. In a near instant, Dazai snatches at his wrist, eyes drilling holes desperately.
The hand that holds his wrist trembles slightly and Dazai's unsure why.

"Don't go," it comes out as a whisper, barely audible.

Odusaku heard it regardless.

"I'm just gonna visit the kids," he replies evenly.

I don't believe you, Dazai rationalizes. But the grip is still on his wrist. Odasaku, who
still didn't turn around when Dazai grabbed his wrist, finally turns to face him, an
appreciative look on his face. Dazai remembers that look... it was the same look that
he gave him as Odasaku bled out in his arms.

"I'm not going anywhere where you can't follow," Odasaku starts. "And neither is he."

When Dazai turns around, he see Atsushi standing up at his desk. He has a pile of
papers in his hands with a ridicuously bright smile on his face. This Atsushi waves at
him and Dazai finds himself inadvertantly releasing his grip on Odasaku's wrist.

When Dazai pulled the tie around Atsushi, his face incredibly close to the young man, he
immediately realized something from that dream. When he pressed his lips on the tip of the tie and
looked up at Atsushi, Dazai saw a myriad of emotions: confusion and fear, relief and worry ...
even... even hope and love. It solidifies something in his own heart: Dazai is completely and
thoroughly taken.

So when Atsushi slips and falls off the roof, Dazai laughed so loud, it echoed in the air and in his
heart. Because this feeling in his heart, this feeling that compels him to squat near a possibly
indestructible Atsushi, is something he hasn't felt in a very long time. And when he runs his hands
through silver hair, to his cheeks, to his nose, to his lips watching Atsushi shiver and break under
his touch, it taints his vision. Dazai doesn't see anything else anymore, just the Atsushi in front of
him.

When Atsushi asks him if he can have him, Dazai remembers the prevailing thought that echoes in
his mind, in his soul. It guides him to lean his forehead against Atsushi, it burns his heart from the
inside out and claws at his soul. When Dazai agrees, he lets this thought saturate his entire being:
Show me your world.

Their walk to the office is quiet and comfortable. After a few moments of heavy persuasion to
leave on time despite Dazai's protest, they end up leaving around 7:15 in the morning. Yokohama
is fully awake, the noise of pedestrians mix well with the sounds of traffic, the low rumble of train
tracks being used, of the stores opening up with large metallic pangs from the shutters.

Dazai makes a few more complaints, tries out a few more deals so that Atsushi can skip work with
him. Obviously, it doesn't take, but seeing Atsushi roll his eyes at him with a smirk not well hidden
on his face makes him feel that it's worth annoying Atsushi like this.
"Well, can we at least leave early?" Dazai asks.

"Um," Atsushi starts. "C-Can I ask where you're taking me?"

"Nope~"

"Then no," Dazai gasps.

"Wait! It's supposed to be a surprise!"

He catches the skeptical look Atsushi gives him and snickers, his hand immediately going up in the
air.

"Alright fine, you got me~"

They step into the elevator doors quietly. Dazai takes this opportunity to gently weave his hand
into Atsushi's silver hair, earning him a hum of approval from Atsushi even with a hint of color on
his cheeks. Dazai pulls his hand away and turns Atsushi's chin towards himself before gently
running a finger across the boy's cheek. Dazai hears an audible gasp escape from his lips and winks
at him.

"We're going to leave early today," Dazai snickers. "And Kunikida is going to say yes."

The elevator doors ring and the doors open, quickly stepping off, listening to Atsushi yelp as he
tries to escape the elevator before it closes its doors on him. Dazai allows a small snicker out one
last time before his face drops as he opens the doors to the office.

There's Kunikida in his corner, trying out another report in silence with only the clacking of the
laptop speaking for itself. Ranpo seats himself on top of his desk with a lollipop in his mouth, legs
swinging back and forth without care. Tanizaki is speaking to Kenji about a previous case report,
of which Kenji wholeheartedly responds back that it went exactly as he wrote it in the case report.
Tanizaki's face has a disbelieving look that goes past Kenji's innocent demeanor while Noami has
Kyouka trying out a couple of new outfits (one of which is her own school uniform).

It's a normal day for the employees at the Armed Detective agency. Dazai strolls past the general
crowd, heading towards his desk, as Atsushi announces their presence and bows out a 'good
morning' to all. When Dazai gets to his desk, he pulls out his chair and starts to take out a small
stack of papers that he's hidden in his drawers... that were previous case reports that he's told
Kunikida that he lost. He hears rather than sees Kunikida's accusatory glares and rants.

"Bastard! You said you lost all of them!"

Dazai pays no mind, even as he hears the steps of a raging bull come closer to him. But the steps
stop only a few feet away from him the minute his pen hits the first stack of papers. He continues
to write in spite of the obvious silence that's entered the office, only pausing to pull out a
highlighter to highlight a few keywords and phrases.

"He-He finally broke," he hears Tanizaki whisper.

"Broke?" Kenji asks.

"Oh god, oh god, is it another sign?" Naomi cries.

The chair beside him, where Atsushi sits, squeaks against the tile floors and Dazai looks up at
Atsushi, who is also sporting the same look as everyone else is in the office (a look of incredulous
satisfaction). He waves his pen, mouthing to him 'working' and goes back to finishing up the first
stack.

"Kunikida," he hears Ranpo says, "Just let him have it."

Dazai looks up to his left, where Kunikida has stood and ... if he wasn't so serious right now, he
would've probably cracked. Kunikida stood before him, arms frozen and splayed with an absolute
look of complete and total dubiety. God, I am just missing out on everything!

"Mm? What happened, Kunikida?"

Kunikida pulls on his collar, bringing their faces close together.

"What game are you playing at, you bastard?" The tone is threatening and low.

"Ah, no, Kunikida..." He hears Atsushi's voice from the corner.

Dazai straights his posture, putting his hands on Kunikida's in an effort to pry his fingers off his
coat.

"Kunikida, please, I am an adult," he starts. "I'm just trying to finish my case reports before the end
of the day."

"WHY?" Kunikida yells. "What could you possibly want?!"

Kunikida starts to shake Dazai vigorously and he has to fight off the urge to sway comically against
the energy. He sees glimpses of Atsushi trying to control Kunikida and it makes him want to smirk
and break character. But his face is devoid of emotions and allows the swaying to continue for a
bit before putting a hand in between his and Kunikida's face.

Fuck it, he thought.

"Kunikida, I know we are parnters," Kunikida blinks at him. "But you have to stop flirting with
me. I am now a taken man."

Dazai is harshly dropped from Kunikida's grip as he watches an array of frustration, embarrassment
and even more frustration flash before Kunikida's face. Dazai's eyes narrow darkly, mischievously,
as his signature smirk appears on his face, barely paying attention to Atsushi, who's knelt down to
make sure he's okay. Dazai quickly stands up, on hand stuffed in his pocket, eyes still darkly
shining. He points to the clock on the wall.

"At exactly 3:30 pm, I will be leaving early,"

Dazai grabs the back of Atsushi's collar and drags him up in between himself and Kunikida like a
barrier.

"I will also be taking Atsushi so we can go on a date and if I am interrupted, I will make your life a
living hell."

Dazai's smirk widens, ignoring the indignant squeak from Atsushi, watching Kuinkida's face as he
enters his mid-life crisis. A mix of fear and confusion clouds his eyes as he flicks them between
himself and Atsushi. From behind, Dazai can hear the clapping of hands and Ranpo's rambunctious
laugh. The high horse Kunikida stood on starts to shrink as his shoulders deflated. Dazai takes this
opportunity to drop his full weight and head against Atsushi's back, ignorant of the blush appearing
on said boy, and grin knowingly at Kunikida.

"F-Fine..." Kunikida coughs and swiftly turns, making his way back to his desk.

It's supposed to be a normal day for the employees at the Armed Detective agency... and it wasn't.

As time rolls around, ticking and ticking closer and closer to 3:30 pm, it is still considered, by all
accounts, a normal day for the employees at the Armed Detective Agency. Dazai
uncharacteristically works in silence as he finished up the different case reports he's conveniently
forgotten (well, stuffed and kept hidden from prying eyes). He skips lunch, in favor of finishing up
a particularly difficult case report but when Atsushi brings him a cup of tea (it smells almost
exactly like Atsushi himself, of light bergamot and earthy tones) Dazai smiles kindly at him, away
from prying eyes. He hears rather than sees Ranpo's tirade, stating something about not playing
any favorites and demands Atsushi to bring him a cup of tea too. This results in Atsushi bringing
everyone tea and Dazai watches quietly from his desk, occasionally letting a smile slip on his face
as he drinks his tea.

So it isn't a shock when Dazai slams the stacks of piles of different case reports, all completed,
dated and signed accordingly on the empty desk next to Kunikida, who yelps in surprise. All five
minutes before his predicted time off. A condensing and demanding Dazai looks down at
Kunikida, eyes narrowed with arrogance.

"Well then," His words are slow poignant as Kunikida flinches. "I'll be going~"

Dazai turns back around, unaware of a weakly glaring Kunikida... who reaches over and hugs the
stack of case reports in forced acceptance, his glasses just barely slipping off his face. When he
reaches Atsushi, who was so busy correcting a previous case report, Dazai is thoroughly annoyed
at the sight. Atsushi looks up and blinks.

"Uh, can I have 5 minutes?"

"No."

"What? It's not even 3:30—"

"I finished everything though," Dazai whines. "Just do it tomorrow!"

"Hey!"

"Shutup Kunikida, go through the damn reports."

Dazai rarely curses if he could avoid it now. Mainly because it almost always comes out harsher
than needed. But also because it leaves a distinct taste in his mouth that reminds him of his time in
Port Mafia. So he watches Atsushi and his conflicted feelings and feels a bit more annoyed at the
sight. But he sees Atsushi sign and resign himself, slowly saving the file on his laptop before
closing it shut. Dazai jumps over to his side, taking him by his shoulders, and drags him towards
the door, ignoring the scattered goodbyes from Kyouka, Tanizaki, Naomi and Kenji. Kunikida is
still grumbling but when Ranpo yells good luck, Dazai's mind takes that and stuffs it into the
backburner of his mind.

Something about how Ranpo said it seemed... fishy.

Today is unfortunately a day befitted for mid-summer days. Despite the notable clouds in the air,
something that signals rainfall later in the day, It's inhumanely humid in the air, sticking against
anything with a surface with little breeze to cool the droplets down. In Yokohama, a city just like
anywhere else in any country, the smog is moderate yet intensifies the humidity felt in the air.

When Atsushi asks Dazai where they're going, he stays quiet, walking towards their first
destination. It's not where they'll officially start the date moreso a small reprieve for choosing to
have a date on a day where humidity once again tries to take over the city. When they both stop in
front of Atropos', Dazai sees the hesitation in the younger man's shoulders and then sees Atsushi
trying to hide it. Dazai walks in, tossing Atsushi a smirk over his shoulder, and hears the door bells
ring twice as Atsushi enters the cafe.

They get their usual: coffee boba and Dazai, who shocked both Atsushi and the employee, paid for
it without complaint. With the two detectives armed with deliciously cool drinks against a humid
day, Atsushi fills the air with small chatter: he complains of Kunikida making him rewrite his
report, recounts his attempted kidnapping by Yosano, who she caught tripping over nothing and
laughs at how Kyouka had used Demon Snow to stop a falling container from one of the cabinets in
the kitchen. Dazai listens, rarely interrupting, smiling at how carefree Atsushi is.

"Can you at least tell me what kind of place it is?" Atsushi whined. "If you're not going to tell me
where we're going?"

"Oh easy, we're going to the trains." Atsushi blinks.

"It's a perfect day to electrocute yourself on the train tracks in this humid day!" Dazai grins wildly.

"Seriously?" Atsushi gives him a vacant look and Dazai giggles, taking another sip of his boba and
hums quietly. They arrive at the bus station, bobas nearly completely.

Dazai looks around, spots the correct bus nad gestures Atsushi to follow him, throwing away his
drink at the nearest trashcan. Atsushi follows the example and both got on the bus, sitting all the
way in the back to the right side of the bus. Atsushi takes the window seats with Dazai sitting
towards the aisleway. There aren't a lot of people on the bus and the hum of the engine takes up the
silence in the air.

Dazai watches the small glimpses of Atsushi's face against the windows, who watches the outside
world pass by them in wonder. He lets a small smile slip on his face and tucks his head down,
unaware of Atsushi turning back to face him. Feeling eyes, however, Dazai peeks a look and
watches a conflicted look on Atsushi's face contrasted with a very obvious flush of color on his
cheeks and... He makes it way too obvious, Dazai hums quietly.

His hand reaches over and allows their pinkies to intertwin before humming quietly to himself as
the bus stops and drives off again. Dazai ignores the love-stricken look on Atsushi's face when he
turns back to face the windows, blush becoming more evident on his face. He also ignores the way
his hand aches to hold more.

The bus stops and Dazai tugs at Atsushi's pinky before breaking off, waving the boy to follow him.
They stand underneath the bus stop, its awning opaque, reflecting the clouds that are more
prominent against the dark blue skies. The humidity is more apparent now, especially after coming
off the air-conditioned bus and Dazai lets an air of disappointment waver around him. He had
hoped it wouldn't rain but the universe has rarely been kind to him.

"Dazai?" Atsushi asks quietly. "Are you okay?"

Dazai blinks and lets out a soft sigh. "Mhm, let's go."

While the trip to their final destination is but a few minutes' walk from the bus station, the universe
rewards them by pouring down on the two detectives. Both run quickly with Dazai leading the way
until he sees a familiar red temple and heads over there underneath it. Dazai runs a hand through
his hair, shaking it gently and watches from the corner of his eye Atsushi doing the same. They
stand in silence watching the rainfall against the bricked road, how it digs through and creates
small puddles, how it drowns even the noises of the birds and bugs. Dazai leans against the walls
of the temple, his head hung down with hands stuffed in his pockets.

"Shomyoji Temple," he starts. "It's pretty quiet and has some really nice ponds that are even more
impressive when the sun's down."

Atsushi doesn't reply back but Dazai can feel his questioning look. He makes no effort to look,
keeping his gaze at a, particularly overfilled puddle a few steps away from him. His face twitches,
something akin to disappointment drags it down, as he watches the ground below being
overpowered by the immense pour of the rain. He doesn't know how long they stand there, how
long the rain goes on mocking him but his hands tighten in his pocket and Dazai almost
immediately regrets leaving so early.

The silence between the two is tense, not awkward. Dazai is rarely a man that has no words to say
but can't find the energy to say anything. So he settles on keeping an air of composed coolness (and
fails in doing so anyway). When the rain lightens up the pour, he feels his arms being dragged out
of his pockets, his body immediately fighting with the rain and losing as it drenches his coat.

"Atsushi?"

Atsushi drags him, his face never showing, through the rain, water splashing about them. He holds
his hands warmly, which contrasts against the cold rain, and Dazai knows for a fact that Atsushi's
never been here. Still, he doesn't let go of the hand (because why would he?) and lets Atsushi lead
him to.. well wherever he's going. When they stop, Dazai notices that Atsushi has led them to one
of the bridges that cross over the lake, leading to the Shomyoji Temple. Atsushi drops his hand,
Dazai immediately flinches at the sudden lack of warmth and watches with wide eyes as Atsushi
turns to face him, a sheepish smile on his face.

"Thank you for taking me out on a date, Dazai," He's still smiling and Dazai can't stop looking.

"Even though it's raining?" Dazai chuckles, hands returning back to his sides.

"Haha, well did you say 'a little water never hurt anyone?'" Atsushi grins back.

Dazai shakes his head, the rain still pouring but less heavy than before, and reaches out to caress
Atsushi's cheek. Even in the rain, the sun behind Atsushi's smile never dims, never thoroughly
hides away. He watches the careful emotion behind Atsushi's eyes, something that he greedily
wants to see more of. As they stand in the middle of the bridge, with nothing but water thoroughly
separating them from the rest of the world, Dazai selfishly wants to bring the world to its knees. Let
me have him, he reflects, let me have him and him alone.

The lapels of his trench coat are being pulled downward before Dazai knows it and suddenly rainy,
warm lips meet his. The kiss is near violent, lips smashed against other lips, teeth impatiently scrap
against his lips, tongue forcibly slipping in and invading the inside of his mouth and Dazai lets him
be taken by Atsushi in shock and in acceptance.

When they break, hot breath against hot breath, with the rain still playing its cock-blocking game,
Dazai narrows his eyes at a delectable Atsushi with swollen pink lips matched with a flush on his
face and eyes dimmed from the experience. Dazai licks his lips, eyes greedy yet angry, and slips an
arm around Atsushi's waist, dragging him flush against his own body. He leans forward, eyes still
narrow and watches Atsushi flinch under his fingertips.

"And where exactly did you learn how to kiss like that?"

Atsushi shifts his eyes and Dazai is becoming increasingly annoyed at the lack of answer but
makes no move to indicate otherwise.

"Uh... well.." Atsushi stammers. "D-Did you remember when Tanizaki invited me for a get-
together?"

Something flashes on Atsushi's face, something like regret and embarrassment and Dazai makes a
mental note to thoroughly research this get-together that Tanizaki hosted.. and maybe he'll just
track down who was at the party too... and maybe he'll end up torturing Tanizaki cause he just
feels like it. His hand tightens around Atsushi, who looks at him like he's broken a rule like he's...
a failure.

"Sorry, I should've— It was bad... I'm not a good kisser so I —"

"I never said it was bad, did I?"

Dazai puts a finger on Atsushi's lips, before gently coaxing them to open. When he leans forward,
hearing the small gasp from the younger male, he whispers something like let me show you
another type of kiss, and lets their lips slot gently, closely, intimately against one another. He
applies very little pressure to the top, allowing his bottom lip to fully engulf Atsushi's bottom lip
and feels him absolutely melt against his own body. This kiss is different from their initial: it's
languid and full, taking slow steps to memorize each crevice and crack in his lips. Dazai feels
Atsushi start taking lead, feeling a hand against his chest and another holding his wrist of the hand
that coaxed his lips open in the first place.

Dazai lets him lead, lets him take him. Soft words whisper in his heart, in his soul— show me your
world, let me be yours, let me be yours. Atsushi slips his tongue in any way, because he doesn't
know any better (and that's something Dazai will quickly teach him about), and it even more
weighted then before. His tongue swipes underneath his lip, licks timidly against his teeth and lips
and Dazai lets Atsushi take him out on a spin, his body overfilled with devotion and desperation

After all, Atsushi did ask if he could have him and who can say no to a face like that?

When they break away, both breathless against the light drizzle of the rain, Dazai watches a
blazing, all-encompassing smile on Atsushi's face and feels his heart skip a beat.

"Better?" Atsushi asks, barely audible against the pounding of Dazai's heart in his ears.

His replay, the yes that leaves his lips, is hurried like his mind couldn't catch up to his heart. Dazai
brings his hand to Atsushi's silver hair, gently grasping it and brings their mouths, their lips,
together. He can feel the smile against his lips and tastes the pure flavor of adoration and faith
against his lips, both aching and yearning for one another.

Dazai is a man that is rarely speechless. But as they kiss under the parting rain clouds, the sun
sneaking to check a peak using the pond's reflective surface and shines bright oranges and reds and
yellows, Dazai resolves himself. He's going to kill me, Dazai mulls, as their lips continue to dance,
hands firm against one another, the warmth between yearning for one another.
 It's a simple thought, really. Something that'll transcend life itself, that speaks ill of the dead every
since time, something that will greet him every morning in the form of an illegally cute Atsushi
who'll look up to him with such reverence and care. This thought is meticulous, making sure it
finds a way to be known every damn second of the day and it's merciless as it teases him with an
inescapable warmth in his gut.

The thought is this: I am yours, Atsushi.

Atsushi's response, in a form of reciprocated kisses and lovestruck eyes: You're mine, Dazai.

Chapter End Notes

Thank you all for riding this rollercoaster of a ride! Throughout the chapters, I've
thrown certain hints and references of what I think represents Dazai's and Atsushi's
relationships so hopefully, you caught it! Till next time~

Works inspired by this mum's

one the word: the noodle incident by angelofgrief

Please drop by the archive and comment to let the author know if you enjoyed their work!