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Week 4 Developmental Self-Reflection Paper 1

Kyla Brooks

Buena Vista University

GPSC52972ELBV241D HUMAN DEV & LEARN THRU LIFE

Michelle Proffer

September 22, 2024

Week 4 Developmental Self-Reflection Paper 1

Fatherless households are becoming increasingly common throughout the United States. As a

result, more and more children are growing up without the support of both parents, and this may

be causing developmental consequences. The paper aims to discover just exactly how girls are

impacted by this lack of a parent throughout their lifetimes, from birth to adulthood.

My Childhood

Mom told me as an infant I wanted nothing to do with my father. Every time he would hold me,

I would cry. Could I have known as an infant that I wasn’t wanted by my father? Before I was

born my parents had split up due to my father having an affair. Leaving my mom with my two

older brothers Chad age 6 and Cory age 3 to be a single parent. They would divorce and my

mom would have me by herself at the hospital, thinking she was having another little boy but to

her surprise she would have a little girl.

I never knew about my parents divorced until I was in high school. My parents ended up getting

about together when I was little. My dad was an over the road truck driver and was gone during

the week and home on weekends. “The absence of a personal father impacts the way a daughter

internalizes the collective psychological and social norms influencing her identity. Frustration

and anger turn not outwards to the father, as he is not there, but inwards towards

herself. For many daughters to face this means confronting the unacceptable, the disillusions,

betrayals and lies, which are also promulgated by society and culture” Schwartz, S. E. (2020).

My mom stayed at home until I was old enough to go to head start, due to me being sick with

asthma as a child.

When my dad was home, he spent time with my brothers going fishing, going to the races,

working on his truck and just bonding with them. My dad would never take me fishing unless my
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mom was going. My mom said she thinks it was because he was afraid something would

happen to me. When my brothers were old enough to play football, my dad would try to be

home every Friday to be able to go watch my brother play football. He only came to watch me

play volleyball and basketball when it was parents' night.

I don’t remember it bothering me when I was in elementary when my dad was never

around, but as I moved into my adolescence years is when it started to bother me. I felt like I

wasn’t wanted and that I was never good enough for him. Maybe if I was a boy, he would want

something to do with me. I struggled with depression and dealt with not feeling wanted by

eating my feelings and putting weight on.

My dad wasn’t an affectionate man either. I was never told I love you very much, given

hugs or really felt I was loved by him. “A father who is physically present but emotionally

distant, manipulative, abusive, or depressed also sets up a daughter for psychological distress.

Her sense of herself, her ambition, her independence, and her trust of the world will be shaped by

her relationship with her father” Reis, Patricia. (1995). My dad was a yeller, when he disciplined

us, it was yelling at us. It was like he wanted to make sure that we feared him. There were times

that he would get so mad at my brothers that he would tell them to step outside with him if they

wanted to see who the bigger man was. He spanked us with the belt that he wore. When he

came home and would take his belt off, I was always wondering if he was just taking it off or if

one of us did something wrong. “Those parents who continue to spank their children past the

age of 10 years tend to have worse relationships with their children in adolescence and to have

teens with worse behavioral problems” (Lansford et al., 2009).

In high school I never had a boyfriend but did hangout with the guys, I was looking for

affection from a male, but it was never sexual. We talked about sports because I love football. I
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was like another one of the guys. It was nice to feel like they cared and wanted to hear what I

had to say. “Women who grew up without a father may specifically search for this reassurance

from men. This search comes from a desire to be accepted by men, as she has not felt this

acceptance by her father” (Krohn & Bogan, 2001). I also threw myself into my studies, because

that was one thing that my dad did stress was up to have good greats in school so we could get

into to college. He wanted us to have a better life than what he had. I went to college for 2 years

and received by associated degree in early childhood.

Conclusion

Looking back on my childhood and reading through our textbook, I would say that my

father was an authoritarian parent. Authoritarian parents insist children conform to a set

standard of conduct and punish them for violating it. My father was very strike, and we had to

go by whatever he said and if we didn’t, we were spanked. My mom was an authoritative

parenting. Authoritative parents are loving yet to demand good behavior and have firm

standards. They impose limited, judicious punishment, when necessary, within the context of a

warm, supportive relationship. My mom would say my name and give me the mom look and I

knew that was my warning. If I continued, I would be punished.

“Those parents who continue to spank their children past the age of 10 years tend to have

worse relationships with their children in adolescence and to have teens with worse behavioral

problems” Martorell, G., & Papalia, D. (2021). I was rarely spanked, but my middle brother Cory

was spanked a lot and was always in trouble from steal, to smoking pot at the age of 13.

During my adolescence I struggled with low self-esteem and depression “If children are

unable to obtain the praise of others, or lack motivation and self-esteem, they may develop a

feeling of low self-worth, and thus develop a sense of inferiority” Martorell, G., & Papalia, D.
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(2021). Reading the book I learned about child depression. Signs of depression may “include

inability to have fun or concentrate, fatigue, extreme activity or apathy, crying, sleep problems,

weight change, physical complaints, feelings of worthlessness, a prolonged sense of

friendlessness, or frequent thoughts about death or suicide” Martorell, G., & Papalia, D. (2021).

I suffered from severe of those signs and now that I know what signs to look for, being a

counselor, I can help children who are experiencing the same problems. Being a school

counselor, I want to work with children and their families, I would like to have events where

parents come to learn. Maybe have a night about depression and signs to look for and then ask

them what topics they would be interested in.

References

Schwartz, S. E. (2020). The absent father effect on daughters: father desire, father wounds.

https://openlibrary.org/books/OL29536914M/Absent_Father_Effect_on_Daughters

Reis, Patricia. (1995). Daughters of Saturn: From Father’s Daughter to Creative Woman.

Continuum International Publishing Group, 1995, Preface pp xiii-xix.

Krohn, F. B., & Bogan, Z. (2001). The effects absent fathers have on female development and

college attendance. College Student Journal, 35(4), 598+.

Martorell, G., & Papalia, D. (2021). Life: The Essentials of Human Development.
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