Yingtian Li (Hunt)
300855905
Integrate core skill
5-3
Jacqui Steward
March 6th, 2017
Animals Should Kept In The Modern Zoo
Persuasive Essay Outline
Follow the format below. The number of supporting details and examples may be
different for your essay.
Thesis Statement (take a position): animals should kept in zoos
A: Education
a) Children need to know the animals
I) remind them to protect animals
B: research
a) Scientists can do some research of animals
i) Find the way to make them leave the illness
b) Zookeeper can learn how to feed them
i) Zookeeper can get more knowledge to feed them scientism
ii) Help more animals back to the wild
C: Counterargument animals in zoos might not have great living environment
a) Refutation modern zoos built the enrich environments
i) Breeding center
ii) Researching center
Conclusion: (sentence) animals should allowed keep in zoos
title
“Zoo animals are ambassadors for their cousins in the wild.” Jack Hanna.
Most of people at least have been too the zoo once. When we went to the zoo,
somebody might think it iss merciless behavior for them, but there is a incontestable
fact that zoos were saving hundreds of endangered animals. More and more zoos
are becoming modern develop modernisation. In these zoos, it might hold lots more
kinds of creature, who cannot live in traditional zoos. In my opinion, animals live in
modern zoos can promote education, improve help to conduct researchthe scientific
research and improve enhance environment.
First of all, animals living in zoos can help the education promotion. Actually,
most of people have been to the zoo at least once, when we go went to the zoo, we
see saw many creatures. Apparently, it might be the first time many children might
have the first to see the live animals, who are not look the same as the bookonly like
the color on the book. Many children and adults, who live in cities, would will never
have a chance to see wild animal.We must acknowledge, education of children is the
our future, and we should not let theourdo not want their kids onlyjust can see these
animals through on the picture. Children can gain a vast variety of knowledge of
biology, history and science. People went to zoos as a child, when they need us to
teach induce a right value of animal protection that might impact them a lot than we
grow up. Moreover, become a technical zookeeper is many kids’ dreammany zoos
have technical zookeepers, who are great goal of these kids., on the other word, we
sowing the seeds of hope; they can finish the work, which is enriched the
environment.
Secondly, animals living in zoos will help to improve scientific research.
Nowadays, hundreds of kinds of illnesses are tormenting animals. In wild filed, where
do not allowed doctors and scientist are not allowed to do make the complex science
experiments. We need to know about how can we keep these important animals
alive, act and react. Our scientist were hard to study animals very hard in the wild, so
we need to kept them in zoos, where they have less risk and more safety. That is not
an exaggeration to say that hundreds of species are going extinct. all around the
world, Animals need to face more and more threaten in order to survive.and much
more are increasingly threatened and nearly with extinction. If we can increase
resolve the population pollution of endangered animals, like extinct in the wild’s
South China tiger, it will be easier to let them back to the nature. There are
thousands project of animal conservation endangered animals protection, but the
most important and effective one must be kept them in the zoo. Breeding projects
keeping endangered animals still alive in many place, and I believe, they will go do
back to their own home-the wild.
However, I recognizing there were some zoos have undesirable influences.
Not all animals are kept perfectly, thereforeotherwise, it is thestill be place we still
need to can improveimprovement. Somebody are against with animals live in
captivity in the little scope, but even that, I still think there are some points can
outweigh itthis against captivity. While, I would say, Mmany species be kept in the
zoo or Wildlife Park can have a higher quality of life than in the wild. The zoo They
might not have too much space of animals’ their movement, but they will not dead
from the predators, irritation and pain of parasites or injured and illness. Feeding
animals in the zoo can infinite raise improving their them survival rate
than in the wild. That can really keep their population keep balance, without afraid of
the sudden extensive illness of extinction. In the past, zookeepers were trained by
the general skills, but in the modern zoos, they have more specialist knowledge and
often response with particular animal.
In conclusion, we must believe that modern zoos can help more animals
leaving endangered and that we need to pay more attention about our environment.
Animals should back to the wild, where they belong with, and we should not hurt
them in any time, or by any way. The earth is not only the home of human, which
also belong with all creatures, so let’s protect our friends-endangered animals. We
still have time, if we begin now.
“Zoo animals are ambassadors for their cousins in the wild.” Jack Hanna.
Most of people at least have been too the zoo at least one time once. When we(third
person) went to the zoo, somebody might think its merciless behavior for them, but
incontestable fact zoos were saving hundreds of endangered animals. More and
more zoos develop modernization. In these zoos, it might hold more kinds of
creature, who cannot live in traditional zoos. In my(third person) opinion, animals
live in modern zoos can promote education, improve the scientific research and
enhance environment.???
First of all, animals living in zoos can help education promotion.??? Actually,
most of people have been to the zoo at least once,; when we(third person) went to
the zoo, we(third person) saw many creatures. Apparently, many children might
have the first to see the live animals, who are not only like the color on the book.
Many children and adults, who live in cities, will never have a chance to see wild
animal. We (third person) must acknowledge, education of children is our future, and
we (third person) do not want their kids just can see these animals on the picture.
Children can gain a vast variety of knowledge of biology, history and science. People
went to zoos as a child; when they need us to induce a right value of animal
protection that might impact them a lot than we grow up. Moreover, many zoos have
technical zookeepers, who are great goal of these kids; on the other word, we(third
person) sowing the seeds of hope; they can finish the work, which we (third
person)need to the enriched environment.
Secondly, animals living in zoos will improve scientific research. Nowadays,
hundreds of illnesses are tormenting animals. In wild filed, where do not allowed
doctors and scientist make the complex science experiments. We (third person)
need to know about that how can we (third person) keep these important animals
alive, act and react. Our (third person) scientist were hard to study animals in the
wild, so it is better we(third person) need to kept them in zoos, where they less risk
and more safety. That is not an exaggeration to say that hundreds of species are
going extinct all around the world, and much more are increasingly threatened and
nearly with extinction. If we(third person) can resolve the pollution??? of endangered
animals, like extinct in the wild’s South China tiger, it will be easier to let them back
to the nature. There are thousands project of endangered animals protection, but the
most important and effective one must be kept them in the zoo. Breeding projects
keeping endangered animals still alive in many place, and I(third person) believe,
they will do back to their own home-the wild.
However, I(third person) recognizing there were some zoos undesirable
influence. Not all animals are kept perfectly, otherwise,; it is still be place we can
improvement. Somebody are against animals captivity in the little scope, but even
that, I (third person)still think there are some points can outweigh this against
captivity. While, I(third person) would say, many species kept in the zoo or Wildlife
Park can have quality life than in the wild. They might not have too much space of
their movement, but they will not dead from the predators, irritation and pain of
parasites or injured and illness. Feeding animals in the zoos can infinite improving
them survival rate than in the wild. That can really keep their population only for
human keep balance, without afraid of the sudden extensive illness of extinction. In
the past, zookeepers were trained by the general skills,; but, in the modern zoos,
they have more specialist knowledge and often response with particular animal.
In conclusion, we must believe that modern zoos can help more animals
leaving endangered and that we need to pay more attention about our environment.
Animals should back to the wild, where they belong with, and we should not hurt
them in any time or by any way. The earth is not only the home of human, which also
belong with all creatures, so let’s protect our friends-endangered animals. We still
have time, if we begin now.
Level 5: First Draft Self-Evaluation
Organization ✓
Do you have an interesting, attention-grabbing introductory sentence? ✓
Do you have a clear, parallel thesis statement?
✓
Does the conclusion restate the thesis statement in different words?
✓
Did you use a variety of transition words to enhance the flow of your essay?
✓
Did you write approximately 600-800 words?
✓
Content
Do you demonstrate that you have given considerable thought to the topic? (Did
you use information you gathered from the readings?) ✓
Do you have enough strong evidence to effectively support the position in your
thesis? ✓
Grammar & Vocabulary
Do you use and underline an example of each type of Adjective Clause?
✓
Do you correctly use subject-verb agreement?
✓
Have you used academic vocabulary including and underlining 3-4 words from ✓
Pathways Reading and Writing, Unit 2?
Mechanics & Style
Did you use a variety of simple, compound and complex sentences? ✓
Did you use correct capitalization and punctuation?
✓
Are your sentences free from comma splices, run-on errors and fragments?
✓
Are your ideas clearly expressed and easy to understand?
✓
Brainstorm, Outline, Self/Peer-Evaluations, Format
Does your brainstorming chart contain at least 10 ideas?
✓
Is your outline organized and thorough?
✓
Have you included two completed peer-evaluations and a self-evaluation for your
essay? ✓
Did you revise and include the 1st draft based on your classmates’ feedback?
✓
Is your essay correctly formatted, i.e., title, indent, spacing, margins, font, left-
justification? ✓
Did you include a header with your full name, student ID, assignment, and date?
✓
Level 5 Peer Evaluation #1 Name of evaluator:
Organization
Did your partner include a title, attention-grabbing ✓
sentence, thesis statement and conclusion?
Did your partner use a variety of transition words? ✓
Write at least 5 in the next column
How could your partner improve the organization ✓
of their essay? Write at least 1 suggestion in
the next column.
Content
Did your partner include enough strong evidence ✓
and support for the position taken in the thesis
statement?
Did your partner include an effective counter- ✓
argument and refutation? Write each statement
in the next column.
Are there any parts of the essay that you need ✓
more information about? Write 1-2 suggestions
in the next column about how your partner
can improve the content of the essay.
Level 5 Peer Evaluation #2 Name of evaluator: Derek
✓
Grammar & Punctuation ✓
Did your partner correctly use and underline an (1) So we need to kept ✓
example of each type of Adjective Clause? What
time expressions did they use? Write 2 them in zoos, where
examples.
they have less risk
Did your partner correctly use S.V. agreement? ✓
Did you partner correctly use and underline 3-4 and more safety. ✓
Pathways words and academic vocabulary?
Write the Pathways vocabulary words that (2) they can finish the
your partner used in the next column.
work, which enriched
the environment.
(3)
Mechanics & Style ✓
Did your partner use a variety of simple, ✓
compound and complex sentences?
Did your partner use correct capitalization and ✓
punctuation?
Are the sentences free from comma splices, run- ✓
on errors and fragments?
Write any final comments in the next column. ✓
Level 5: First Draft Essay Rubric (25%): For Teachers Only
Legend: 5= Outstanding / 4= Exceeding Standards / 3= Meeting
Standards / 2= Progressing towards Standards / 1= Does not meet
Standards
Organization - The student:
included an interesting, attention-grabbing introductory sentence. 5 4 3 2 1
provided sufficient background information for the chosen topic.
wrote a clear, parallel thesis statement that takes a position on the topic.
wrote approximately 600-800 words
included an effective counter-argument and refutation
concluded the essay by restating the thesis statement in different words,
summarized main points and offered a warning, prediction or suggestion,
used a variety of transition words to connect ideas and enhance the flow of
the essay
clearly and logically presented ideas, support and evidence.
Content - The student:
demonstrated that he or she has given considerable thought to the topic. 5 4 3 2 1
effectively used information gathered from related readings.
provided enough strong evidence to support position.
included ideas that demonstrate complexity and depth of thought
Grammar & Vocabulary - The student:
used a variety of subject and object adjective clauses, underlined and 5 4 3 2 1
numbered 1 example of each.
correctly used subject-verb agreement.
included academic vocabulary and underlined 3 – 4 words from Pathways,
Unit 2.
Mechanics & Style - The student:
used a variety of simple, compound and complex sentences. 5 4 3 2 1
correctly used capitalization and punctuation.
avoided comma splices, run-on errors and fragments in sentences
Brainstorm, Outline, Self/Peer-Evaluations, Format - The student:
included at least 10 ideas in brainstorming chart 5 4 3 2 1
provided an outline that is organized and thorough.
included 2 completed peer-evaluations and a self-evaluation for essay.
1st draft is included and modified according to peer-feedback.
correctly formatted the essay, i.e., title, indent, double-space, margins, font,
left-justification
Total: /25
Level 5 Final Essay Rubric (20%) * For Teachers Only
Assessment Area
Legend: 5= Outstanding / 4= Exceeding Standards / 3= Meeting Standards / 2=
Progressing towards Standards / 1= Does not meet Standards
Organization: The essay has an interesting, attention-grabbing introductory
sentence and background information. The essay includes a parallel thesis 5 4 3 2
statement that clearly states a position. The concluding statement restates 1
the main idea without repeating it. The main points are clearly summarized
and a prediction, suggestion or warning is offered. Transition words are used
correctly and enhance the flow of the essay.
Content: The essay provides strong evidence and support for the position
taken. The details are clear, well-organized, show depth of thought, and 5 4 3 2
elaborate on the main topic of the essay. A counterargument is given and 1
effectively refuted.
Grammar/Vocabulary: Grammar is used at an appropriate level. Grammar
points taught in class are underlined, numbered, and used correctly. Variety 5 4 3 2
of academic vocabulary including from Pathways is used and underlined. 1
Appropriate word-choice
Mechanics/ Formatting: A variety of compound and complex sentences are
used. Free of Run-on Sentences, Comma Splices and Fragments. Correct 5 4 3 2
use of punctuation and capitalization. Correct essay format (header, margins, 1
font, spacing, justification) is used. Attention-grabbing title.
Total
/20
