How to Talk Dirty
My first experience with anything sex was through porn. The girls of porn taught
me how sex might be for me. And so when it came time to have sex for the very
first time I tried to copy them. At least their dirty talk anyway. But it was clunky
and uncomfortable and odd feeling. Worse yet, I felt embarrassed by the simplest
terms of anatomy like pussy and dick, breasts and ass.
So I quickly ignored my partner’s lust at hearing me try to talk dirty and resorted
to moans, groans and sighs. These utterances seemed so much safer and
comfortable. But it wouldn't get me very far. As my experience grew, so did my
desire and my partner's desire to hear me talk dirty.
I spent some time practicing when I was alone and learned that there was
nothing embarrassing or uncomfortable about slang terms for anatomy. It wasn't
easy, but I'm now very comfortable talking dirty and have found that it not only
fuels my partner's lust, but it drives me crazy too!
This report is my experiences and information I picked up from a class I attended
at a convention that I know will help you become more open and loosen that
tongue for hot talk in the bedroom and dungeon.
Talking dirty is an art that not many are born with, most of us have to learn it if
we want to be good at it. I know that many of you are shy and just thinking of
talking naughty gets your panties in a bunch (and not in a good way). There are
much smaller things you can do before you start talking dirty with your partner
that will help you feel comfortable with the use of certain words and describing
your desires during sex.
One of the best books I came across and reviewed on SubmissiveGuide.com
about being shy and trying to be an exhibitionist (at least in the bedroom) is
Exhibitionism for the Shy by Carol Queen. There are 3 really solid chapters on
naughty talk that, while I do pretty good with dirty talk now, are a fantastic help
with even more ways to add to my repertoire. I especially like muting porn and
using your own voices for the scene. If you still aren’t sure if you want the book,
you can read the review I’ve given of it.
I went to a BDSM convention recently and sat in on Dan and Dawn Williams
presentation on Naughty Talk. They are a great team of presenters and I enjoyed
the discussion immensely. Dan put together a nice list of types of dirty talk that I
thought I’d share with you as best I can remember.
Not everyone is comfortable with naughty talk in all five categories, but I bet you
can find at least one where you can sink your teeth into and really get your motor
going – or at least your partner's senses.
Types of Naughty Talk
1. Now
In this first group you use dirty talk to share what is going on now. You’ll be a
sexy narrator of your sexual escapades. This happens to be one of the easiest
categories to get started in because it doesn’t need a lot of imagination. You do
need to be comfortable with terms used to describe sex and its many variations.
Talking dirty using this type may look something like this:
“I’m gently caressing your neck and shoulders. I love the way your skin feels
under my fingertips. Now I’m kissing you down to your chest and stomach. Mmm,
I can taste your salty skin. Ah yes, I can feel your pulsing hard cock straining to
be let free from your pants. I’ll unzip your jeans and run my mouth up and down
on your cock. Mmph, you are so hard. Do you like the way my tongue swirls over
your dick?”
2. Going to Do
The next type of naughty talk is narrating what you are going to do. This is
especially exciting when whispered into your lover’s ear when all they can do is
think about what you just said. This is a great way to engage your partner in
sexting or teasing in a semi-public way.
“When we get home I’m going to rip that dress off, throw you on the bed and
take you hard and fast. And you are going to like it, right slut?”
3. Have Done
I love this category the most. I like talking about what was just done an hour
ago, a day ago, last week, last month, the best scene, the hottest sex. I’ll relive
those hot times with my lover so that I can try to stir up their desire for even
more.
“Do you remember that time when you came home from work and found me
kneeling on the floor in your favorite bra and panties? I looked up to you lustfully
and begged to suck your cock right there in the entryway. You came so hard that
I couldn’t swallow it all fast enough and it covered my lips and chin. It was such a
hot way to greet you at the end of a long work day. Let’s do that again soon.”
4. Fantasy
Using the fantasy type of dirty talk is great if you can put together a story for
your lover to enjoy. It’s not just coming out with your fantasy for being a naughty
schoolgirl during detention but painting in the details so that even if the fantasy
isn’t theirs, they can see how it would play out and it will get them excited to live
that fantasy with you.
“I had this dream the other night that I’ve just got to share! You were in the
kitchen making dinner in just your apron and heels and every time you reached
for something your tight round ass just begged for my touch. When you caught
me watching you, you turned around and flashed me your perky tits, tweaking
your nipples and then beckoned me with a finger to come into the kitchen. I bent
you over the counter and spanked your ass until you begged for me to fuck you.
You were so wet!”
5. Role Play
The last type of naughty talk that Dan and Dawn covered was role play. This one,
in my opinion, is a bit more involving because it happens during play or sex
where you both adopt roles and play those roles to amplify your sex or playtime.
“You have been a naughty girl, haven’t you, little girl. You know the dress code
for this school. Skirts need to touch your knees and you are not allowed to wear
see-through shirts. What do you have to say for yourself?”
“I’m sorry Mr. Blank. I didn’t mean to break the rules. (bats lashes and licks lips
slowly) But, don’t you think I look pretty?”
“Uh, yeah uh- well that’s not the point! You know this means you get the paddle,
girl. (girl leans forward and reveals more cleavage) Erm, go shut the door.”
“But Mr. Blank, isn’t there a rule that teachers can’t be alone with students unless
the door is open?”
“We’ll see just how much of a student you are after I’m done with you.”
“Oh Mr. Blank!” (coy blush)
You can use any variation of the types listed here to make your dirty talk exciting
for you and your partner. This is also not just a Dominant thing. Many Dominants
like to hear their submissive talk dirty and encourage it during play. I encourage
you to all give it a try the next time you see your partner and find out how it
works for you! Don’t be shy, there’s sexy times to be had!
Learning How to Talk Dirty
Taking the first steps into talking dirty isn't an easy process. You have to deal
with embarrassment, discomfort and the fear that your partner will just laugh at
you. I've been there, I know of a few words and phrases that just flopped when
they were uttered. We laughed it off and kept going, and they never saw the light
of day again.
To learn how to talk dirty when you aren't comfortable with it takes practice and
repetition. Here are some suggestions to get your mouth moving and your lust
simmering with verbal sex.
1. Practice during masturbation.
No matter how private your moments are during masturbation, whatever the
fantasy you can vocalize to yourself. Start with whispers and the non-words that I
did above. Just get comfortable hearing your voice while you pleasure yourself.
After awhile, start using one word phrases, “yes,” “god”, “fuck,”, “oh,” and your
partner’s name are common. As before whisper them first and then get a little
bolder and before long you’ll be able to scream these words.
2. Write out phrases.
Yeah, this one is going to seem odd, but several of the people I talked to said that
they’d be more vocal in bed if they only knew what to say. So, take some time
and write out some hot phrases that you’ve thought about; but forgot in the heat
of the moment. Read them aloud before bed each night until they can settle into
your memory. Having these phrases on the tip of your tongue will help you
vocalize them when the time comes.
3. Learn the slang.
There are so many ways to say what you are doing that there’s no doubt that
you’ll find some new favorites and others that you are more comfortable with.
The Dirty Slang Dictionary is a good place to start. If you need even more, then
try DirtySlang.com or buy Sex Talk: Uncensored Exercises for Exploring What
Really Turns You on .
At the end of this report is a mind map of possible dirty word ideas to help you
get more comfortable with what dirty talk is and how to find the words you want
to use. Check it out and see what you can come up with!
4. Break down your barriers.
There is usually a mental barrier for your discomfort in verbalizing during sex.
Identifying that block while definitely help you free yourself from the feeling of
taboos and open your mind sexually to the pleasures that talking dirty can bring
into the bedroom.
5. Describe.
Start by describing what you are feeling. “Oh that feels good!” “I’m all tingly
inside!” “I’m so wet/hard!” “That tickles!”
Then say what your partner is doing to you. “Yes, kiss me!” “Lick my pussy”
“Suck my dick” “Fuck me hard!”
You can move to begging and asking for what you want from sex after that. The
sky is the limit and you can get into your mind and draw out that dirty slang you
learned too. It will all lead to the best sex.
How to Start Talking Dirty with Your Partner
Dr. Liz Powell of Sex Positive Psych gives us five steps to master talking dirty:
1. Set the scene
A) Making sure they WANT to talk dirty now and with you
B) Figure out any preferred terms (for instance ways they talk about their
body parts, names they do/don’t like to be called)
C) Discuss any boundaries (such as time, activities they don’t want to talk
about, etc.)
2. Start slow
A) In the real world, you don’t walk in the door and then immediately start
pounding away; sexting and dirty talk are no different
3. Build anticipation
A) Could you go from “Hi!” to orgasm in a couple of minutes? Sure! But that
doesn’t feel NEARLY as good as when you take a long time building up
your pleasure
B) Don’t be afraid to tease! If your partner starts begging you to do
something, you know you’re on the right track
4. Let them know what you’re enjoying and how much
A) Tell them how your body is reacting
B) Let them “hear” your responses (moan, grunt, whisper, scream; if you’re
sexting you can always type these)
C) Ask for more
D) Tell them when you’re “there”
5. Thank them and plan for next time
A) Let them know what you particularly liked
B) Talk about whether they’d be up for more and, if so, when
Even the shyest person can use these steps to ROCK at talking dirty! I hope that
these few tips will begin to open your mind and eventually your mouth to some of
the hottest sex you can have when you just verbalize.
