27/01/2025, 13:00 The Dangers of Bottling Up Our Emotions

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EMOTIONS

The Dangers of Bottling Up Our

Emotions
Why it's better to deal with your feelings instead of
ignoring them
By Wendy Rose Gould Updated on October 22, 2024

Reviewed by Rachel Goldman, PhD, FTOS

electravk/Moment/Getty

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Why We Tend to Bottle Up Our Emotions

Why It Can Backfire

Signs You're Bottling Emotions

Better Ways to Express Yourself

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27/01/2025, 13:00 The Dangers of Bottling Up Our Emotions

We've all had those moments when we feel overwhelmed with intense
emotions, but instead of letting them out, we bottle them up and shove
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them to the back of our minds. Keeping our emotions close to our chests
can often feel safer, but it isn't always the healthiest way to move through
life. It might seem like you're being strong or avoiding conflict, but
bottling up your emotions can lead to even bigger problems down the line.

Consider those times when you've smiled through your sadness, only to
burst into tears when someone makes a thoughtless comment. Or when
you've swallowed down your irritation only to explode with anger over a
*minor* inconvenience.

Here's the thing: Bottling up our emotions prevents us from discussing

our needs (which can turn into a cyclical issue) and prevents us from truly
connecting with others. Over the long term, it eventually backfires, often
in unexpected ways, which can seriously damage mental *and* physical
health.

At a Glance
There's a big difference between managing your emotions and
bottling them up. Emotional regulation *is* vital for well-being and
social functioning, but denying what your feeling or not processing it
fully can lead to problems that boil over when you least expect it. We
tend to bottle things up when honest emotional expression doesn't
feel safe or acceptable. Unfortunately, it can strain mental health,
compromise physical health, and impair our relationships. The good
news is that there are ways to get better at letting it out. Start small
and focus on talking about the good things, then explore ways to
express more difficult emotions, like disappointment and anger. The
key is to learn how to express and deal with your emotions in healthy
and productive ways.

Why We Tend to Bottle Up Our Emotions

There are so many scenarios in which we feel compelled to suppress our
feelings. For example, we may just want to get through the day, we tell
ourselves we'll deal with the emotion later, we think the feeling isn't

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worth exploring, or we try to conceal our feelings in order to make a

relationship "work."
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Ultimately, though, we tend to bottle up our

feelings for one key reason: it seems easier and
safer to do so.

"The reasons we sometimes—or most times—bottle up our emotions can

vary, but they all seem to stem from a fear of vulnerability. Out of this
fear, we react through self-protective emotional measures," says Dr.
Colleen Mullen, PsyD, LMFT.

“ Bottling up emotions provides a false sense of

emotional safety.”
— COLLEEN MULLEN, PSYD, LMFT

She says that some people learn, as they grow up, that expressing their
emotions isn't safe. There are different ways this can play itself out in
childhood.

For some, the parent is dismissive or minimizing of their emotions, while

for others, the parent is scary in their own expression of emotions or
threatening to them. For others, it can be an early awareness that the
parent is overwhelmed and doesn't respond well if the child expresses
their needs or feelings.

"Those children can grow up to be the adult who becomes stifled

emotionally," Dr. Mullen says. "The stifling, or avoidance, of emotional
expression ends up feeling like a fear of being told 'no,' abandonment, or
being judged negatively."

Related: 7 Things to Do if You Feel Emotional

Why Hiding Our Feelings Can Often Backfire

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27/01/2025, 13:00 The Dangers of Bottling Up Our Emotions

Though bottling up our emotions can feel like a good plan in the short
term, doing so can adversely affect us in the following ways:
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Puts Strain on Our Mental Health
Chronic dismissal of our own feelings can ultimately impact our self-
confidence. Over time, we may feel like nobody cares about our needs or
desires and that our opinion or voice doesn't matter.

It can also cause us to feel stressed, depressed, or anxious. Those feelings

continue to fester and grow even when they aren't expressed. In some
cases, we may even feel deeply angry or rageful and develop feelings of
resentment toward others.

Compromises Our Physical Health

"There is some evidence that bottling up your emotions can lead to
physical stress on the body," says Dr. Mullen. "The stress caused to the
body can lead to increased diabetes and heart disease risks. Other effects
can be memory difficulties."

Bottling up emotions can create a type of chronic stress. When your mind
and body are subjected to this type of stress for long periods, you may
experience significant health effects such as muscle pain, reduced
immunity, gastrointestinal problems, and cardiovascular disease. [1]

Impedes Our Social Relationships

Nourishing social relationships are vital to our overall well-being. After
all, we are social creatures at our core. When we don't adequately express
ourselves, our relationships cannot grow in meaningful ways.

"Human to human contact can help balance our nervous system and
allows for a broader perspective, protecting us from digressing into loops
of fear and false beliefs," says Shari Foos, MA, MFT, MS.

“ Most importantly, unless you are open and

honest, how will you ever be seen and known?
And if you are not known, how can you
possibly be loved for who you truly are?”

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— SHARI FOOS, MA, MFT, MS

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Research has shown that people who suppress emotions are more likely to
avoid close relationships. They are also less satisfied with life and more
likely to experience symptoms of depression. [2]

Related: Why Vulnerability in Relationships Is So Important

Signs You're Bottling Emotions

While in some cases we consciously push down our feelings, it's common
to do so without even realizing it. Some signs you're not wholly
expressing your emotions include:

It seems like other people don't "get you."

You're not getting what you want out of time spent with others.
You often experience somatic symptoms, such as an upset stomach or
digestive issues, headaches, racing heart, and tension.
You experience growing anger and frustration with the world and others.
You develop feelings of resentment toward others.

If you think someone else might be bottling up their emotions, there are
some things to look out for, as well.

"Signs that someone is bottling up emotions can be detected in choice

words, tone, and body language. Some individuals may also unconsciously
fold their bodies inward, wring their hands, tap their fingers or feet, dart
their eyes, or shake their heads," says Foos.

She adds, "Their response to being asked something as basic as, 'tell me
about yourself,' might range from a simple 'I don’t know,' to an attempt
to change the subject, shut down the conversation, or even leaving the
room.”

Related: The Connection Between Depression and Anger

How to Get Better at Expressing Yourself

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