MAD HOUSE

Written by

OLUWATIMILEYIN ADEFILA

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*Characters Name*

Oga Jasper (chief Tenant)

Risi Alagbo (herbs seller)

Carolina (hookup girl)

Alani Richie (Yahoo boy)

Oga Landlord (house owner)

Agent Kowope (House Agent)

SCENE ONE

The scene open by a woman coming out with herbs and liquor in her hand and she start
arranging them on a counter for sale, the environment doesn't look conducive, it looks like a
Lagos Island Gettos. Some set of people walks in folding their eyes with their hands.

Iya Ashabi: Welcome oo, new neighbours sir!!!!, welcome oo, Oga Jasper come outside.

Carolina: ( open her eyes) ewe, what is this!, Mr Kowope is this the house that I Carolina, Caro
pepper, Caro simpempe is going to stay?, you are joking Mr Kowope

Mr Kowope: wo wo(look) Carolina abi Carosugar, what soever you call yourself, how much do
you give me gan.

Richie Banke: look Mr kowope abi what is your name, is this the house I'm going to stay and be
talking to my Mayes (client), After paying you 50,000, I no even sure say this house get hotspot,
ile yi oloje kowope na.

Mr Kowope: hotspot koo, charcoal pot ni, my people abeg make una self tell me, for where and
how you wan take see 50,000 (fifty thousand naira) per year for house in Lekki, look in case you
don't know here na Lagos. (Ihahin na Lagos ensemble)

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Oga Jasper:(coming ouside) Ashabi sha dollar (seeing the agent and the neighbour) ahh Oga
Kowope!, I can see you have come with newcomers, kowope, kowope, Owo nikoko.

Mr Kowope: Mr Jasper the jaguar of Island, how is everything, I hope Risi is taking good care of
you?

Mr Jasper: ehn, ehn, ehn, my friend come here, Risi you say?, the Risi that you and i know, we
all know that she is a which and she has been told to donate my life in their coven.

Mr Kowope:(sarcastically) Oga Jasper the jaguar of Island, donate your life with the ehnn...
(gesturing)

Mr Jasper: ah Omo komo (hitting him and facing the newcomers) ehn ladies and gentlemen, I
welcome you to the Kindom called Mad House (laughing), I standing before, I am the chief
Tenant.

All: (confused)ehn

Mr Jasper: Eja, the title wasn't give to me oo, I work for it!, 65 years in Lagos, 25 years in
Mainland, 40 years in Island and all this years I spent it here in this house.

Carolina: ohh I see,(point to Mr Jasper dress) I mean merely looking at you one can tell
(everyone laughs)

Mr Jasper: what do you mean?, woo let me tell something, I am Oga Jasper A.K.A The Jaguar of
Island.

The landlord enter with his P.A singing Eyo song.

Mr Kowope: Ladies and gentlemen I announced the welcome of the great Rubicon, the Land
crusher, the Land Rover, Oga Landlord!! (Risi and Oga Jasper were hailing him but Caro and
Richie were looking at them in confusion)

Risi: Oga Landlord tio koman

Oja Jasper: The Great Rubicon

Oga Landlord: (with his Lagosian ascent) Thank you, thank you Everybody, thank you my fellow
islanders, ehn as I can see that the J.J.C are confused, let me use this medium to announce
myself, I'm Oga Landlord, the Rubicon of Island, Baba fun gbogbo awon Genzi (laughing)

Caro: (clapping her hand) choo

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Richie: (running towards Oga Landlord) Opoor , Baba ibe, you too much baba. (shaking the
landlord heavily)

Oga Landlord: Ah, Omo komo. Kowope take the new commers inside and show them around.

laughing and he then resume to his song with dancing, Oga Jasper doesn't joined them in the
celebration.

Oga Jasper: Oga Landlord I beg,(separating Ripsi and Oga Landlord) I beg, I beg this is not the
time for singing and dancing oo

Risi: (lying on the floor) are you mad, shori bu ti bae ni, ehn baby.

Oja Landlord: (standing up and crying) Jasper! do you want to mock me in my street.

Oga Jasper: Oga Landlord that's not my aim yet, but Oga Landlord there is something that is
paining me.

Oga Landlord: something is paining you Jasper is that why you wan to kill me? (walking towards
Risi counter to sit) tell me what is paining you that want to make you kill me.

Oga Jasper: Oga Landlord for the past three weeks, wey I the toilet don full, and we don dey tell
you since and you no anything to it, everybody for this street don tire so tay Dem call Wole
Wole on us, because na hand we dey take dey pack shit throway comot for toilet

Caro and Richie: (coming out from one of the entrance) Ehn you say watin!

Oga Landlord: wooooooos !!, eko na pe ibe (he walks out with Kowope leaving them in silence)

They all go inside

SCENE TWO

Some group of Eyo dancers danced in and danced round the stage, their leader is seen walking
toward Risi's Counter leaving the others dancing.

Eyo 1: (sitting and taking a bottle of gin from Risi's Counter) Mofe iku loor, Mofe Arun loor

Eyos : Ase

Eyo 1: Eyi agbo agbo, Eyi ato ato, Eyi ato Afi erigi jobi ( open his face and drink the gin)

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Risi: Ehn, Ehn, Ehn, what is this (the Eyos resume their song and dances) shut up joor, what is all
this, you're drinking my alcohol without my approval and you even open your face.

Eyo 1: Ehn you don see my face you don see am niye, but abeg where you dey see this liquor.

Risi: Everybody come outside oo, come and see thieves, Oga Jasper, everybody come outside
oo. (the Eyos try to cover his mouth but she has already shout out, Oga Jasper and Richie comes
outside)

Oga Jasper: ah ah, Risi what is it, why are you shouting. (they Eyo make posture like statues)

Risi: Oga Jasper Sha you go tell me say you no see this Eyo standing (Richie walks round to
examine them)

Oga Jasper: ah, ah, ah, the ancestors, now I can see them but what did they do.

Risi: Dem dey drink my liquor without my conscience.

Oga Jasper: Ancestors is that true?

Eyo 1: (bringing out the bottle from his cloth) ehn Oga Jasper na true, but na our people talk say
na where person dey work wey person go dey chop, abi no be so.

Eyos: na soo.

Eyo 1: abi make una self see, na since morning we don dey dance for this Island and na small
money we see, all this Genzi and Badies wey dey this highland na fake life dem they live, them
no gey any money for hand at all.

Eyo 2: as we come here wey we see all the peperere wey dey here we come like am, na why we
talk say make we small chop from it

Eyo 1: because na where we dey work we dey chop.

Risi: anyways I go forgive una, but make una dance for us small (the Eyos resume their Eyo
dance and they exit the stage)

Oga Jasper: (to Risi) see your life, na everything you go dey stinging for? enter room you no go
gree make you still give Ancestors liquor you no gree.

Risi: (pushing him away) Oni ranu (she walks to her counter)

Richie: Ah ah, Make you self gree for Oga Jasper na abi who go dey help me wash that place

Risi: Na your father go dey wash am.

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Richie: iro oo, you be old version na...(Caro comes in putting on a towel and holding a bucket)

Caro: Abeg Abeg, na who shit for toilet wey no pack am

All: woos, eko na pe ibi ( they all went in leaving her outside

Caro: ohh, which kind house be this self, ahh Caro which kind devil push you come collect this
Mad house self ehn, if no be fake life weyl I wan dey do, I for dey village dey live my peaceful
life ehn, since three days make person never shit (her stomach rumbled and the runs in).

SCENE THREE

Risi is mixing her liquor while Richie comes in with his laptop and sit on the chair in the front of
the entrance.

Richie: omo werey sanwo joor.(tapping his laptop keyboard) ahh Werey don block me Sha fuck
(close his laptop Angrily) make I even call this girl since all this day.

Risi: Only God can save us in this house, as Dem dey carry Pupa, Dem go dey carry Dudu (Risi
hiss)

Richie (brings out his phone to make call) hello, omo ele whatsupp na since the past three
weeks wey I don send you money you no even show face you no dey even pick my calls (he
hears Caro voice from inside and he recognized that it's the voice of who he is talking to)

Caro: hello Mister man no dey disturb me, how much you send self wey you dey call me
morning, afternoon and night.

Richie: what do you mean I'm disturbing you?, when we dey talk on line wey you wan collect
money you don't know I'm disturbing you abi?

Caro: see Mr here na Lagos, here na watin here na Lag I don collect money I don collect am niye
and I no go show, na you loose guard (Richie walks towards the entrance confusedly and drags
her)

Richie: Caro!!

Caro: Watin, Oga why you drag me like that you wan kill me ?

Richie: Caro!, so na you I dey follow talk since ehn, you come change picture dey collect money
from me.

Caro: Oga, na you loose guard oo

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Oga Jasper: (comes outside) what is it, why are you people making noise, have you forgotten
that rich man is staying here?

Risi: ehn, where is the rich man, see me see torobu oo

Caro: Oga Jasper thank you for coming out, na this mad man wey call himself Alani Richie, I no
know watin I do am, na jeje I dey inside my room dey follow my client talk, na so he just drag
me perererere come outside, please help me ask am watin I do am oo.

Oga Jasper: Alani, Richie Richie, Richie money why did you enter into her room and drag her
gbararara gba come outside na.

Richie: ahh! (singing as omo ogbon Kori sa ma sho mi) Oga Jasper na kanji o, as una kuku know
say I no dey find person trouble, na jeje I dey my day.

Risi: Go straight to the point jare.

Richie: (crying) One day, as I dey bomb I dey follow my clients talk na so them dem dey send
picture give me, na so konji carry me oo and As Omo Ogbon I talk say make I carry hookup, I
come message one girl for hookup site we come dey talk, we dey talk, we dey talk ...

Oga Jasper: Ehn, ehn what now happen

Richie: I come send am money say make she come, first day she no come, second day she
come, third day she no come, Oga Jasper till today wey be three weeks since then she never
come!

Oga Jasper: Ehn what now concerns Caro with that one?

Caro: Abi, help me ask am.

Richie: Oga Jasper, e concern Caro because na Caro be the girl, as I dey follow the girl talk and
the girl dey follow me talk na Caro dey talk for inside, if una think say I dey lie make I call the girl
number (he calls the girl and Caro's phone rings on the floor)

Risi: Ahh, Caro.

Oga Jasper: woos Eko na pe ibi

Richie: Oga Jasper, my people Yahoo Ngba Yahoo ( he start chasing Caro till she chase her out.

Oga Jasper: (going after them but stop) Ah, ah you better don't kill person (looks around and
walks towards Risi) Risi we are home alone

He start tickling her and they go inside.

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 SCENE FOUR

A man who dressed cooperatively, holding a file walks round the stage observing the house and
stated surveying the house and then he calls everyone out.

Walker: (walking toward the counter) what is this, ohh liquors, Opa...eyin, A..le (trying hard to
read the description on the bottle then he opens and drink it) Oh My God this is Amazing,
hello!, is anyone inside there?

Caro: (comes out) ah, ah watin be this, who are you?, Mama Risi come outside oo.

Walker: Good that you're here, I am...(Everyone comes outside)

Risi: Caro what happen, why do you call me like that.

Walker: Good that everyone of you comes outside, I am a government worker and...

Risi:(cuts in) and that is why sit comfortably drinking my herbs?

Walker: oh, sorry for that, this liquor is Amazing (he drinks more and Risi snatched it off his
hand) ohh, sorry I was sent here to give you all a quick notice that this house has been sold and
you all are advised to vacate this house.

All: Ehn, you say.

Walker: ohh you don't have to worry too much, you have been giving the grace of one week to
get your stuffs together uhm (passing them a flyer) here you go (laughing sarcastically).

All: what, as how , what do you mean, how come.

Oga Jasper: please Mr Walker, I'm Oga Jasper please what you just said is it true? where is the
Landlord anyway?

Walker: okay