0114(1)

Transcribed by TurboScribe.ai. Go Unlimited to remove this message.

[Speaker 1]

Uh, I hate to say it, but this thing is is watertight. Oh my god, they got you every which way and
then some My advice is to try and ignore it What the fuck kind of advice is that? It's the only
kind I got.

Oh my god Okay Hi guys, hey, how are you doing out there cool Oh Sorry, do I know you This
show It is using my life my name My career you assigned them the right to exploit all of that.
When how? terms and conditions I've never even seen this.

I would have Known that I sent something I didn't read because who has time to read that Oh,
you did accept it though what yeah, they're in the clear Oh, hey, can I come in?

[Speaker 2]

Yeah.

[Speaker 1]

Yeah Hey, uh Sorry Oh What's wrong I can't get hard Sure, you can't Hey You want me to do
that horrible thing you love? It's um, it's this is so public What do you mean this is gonna be on
the show? Okay, but it's not us.

It's It's computer people. It's salma hayek. And well, yeah, I know So I mean like i'm gonna be
the guy and can't get it up for salma hayek I mean, it's like, you know, it's one thing to not be
able to get it up for Like you but salma hayek, I mean look people are gonna laugh at me The
show is called fucking joan is awful.

How do you think I feel? I look when I said that I wanted to get back together with you When
you basically begged me to get back together with you, but I didn't agree to be a public figure
Neither did I Except you did page 58 of the terms and conditions that you said so on the show I
always said you gotta read the terms and conditions I can sue kate blanchett Uh for what for
passing herself off as me That isn't the real kate blanchett.

The show just deploys a digital likeness of miss blanchett The whole show is cgi. It's generated
by a quantum computer. They could Uh Make her blow an orangutan if they wanted although I
am guessing the real miss blanchett might object to that Did you get my point?

[Speaker 2]

Anyone knows he reasons why these two may not be wed let him speak now Merry christmas
And all It's so funny So i'm gonna fucking hate this Why You're not seeing jonah's awful No, but
it's on my list Just wait till episode four.

[Speaker 1]

I hear it's gonna be a blast Her lawyer's here posted bail You're free to go For now You're
disgusting, thank you Never in my wildest nightmares, I thought i'd see myself defecating in a
church Well, uh Technically That's the joan character. Not you so this character Whose face do
they have do they have your face or my face your face? Salma hayek's face.

So then whose anus is doing the shitting? Uh Salma hayek's anus bingo Oh I am roman
catholic. My grandmother rosa was going to be a nun.

She might die when she sees this What right do they have to kill my abuela with this? deep fake
heretic abomination Uh page 39 paragraph 8 paragraph 8 can suck my dick. I don't even know
what it says anyway Uh your image rights agreement with stream berry.

It's page 39 paragraph 8 Specifically covers any acts or behaviors joan may exhibit up to
including and beyond defecation beyond defecation Beyond that's what it says You know, I
don't read this crap. I am a dyslexic talented actress with questionable english That's why I
overpay you to protect me. I mean doesn't my asshole have any rights?

Okay Okay, okay Okay, okay Let's collect ourselves and um good Brainstorm so we can do some
damage control sir What can you do? To erase this image from every machine in the world

[Speaker 2]

Nothing

[Speaker 1]

Okay Then I guess i'm just gonna have to settle for a huge lawsuit against them Um I've looked
up and down and researched and there is no legal basis There's no way we can sue these guys
Then i'm gonna sue you You sold me out You useless overrated mugget You take your
paragraph fate And shove it up your ass and I hope that you get paper cuts in your
hemorrhoids and die You're fired What the fuck I didn't um, actually think that you would come
to welcome to my home I understand that you're mad. Oh, do you please don't kill me.

So am I You're lucky i'm a humanitarian Let's have a talk Come on Oh my goodness me Oh my

I mean the last few days have been pretty rough So rough enough to take a dump in the house
of god And If you don't have any self-respect, that's your thing but to disrespect the church
frankly to disrespect my image I don't want to be associated with you Well, I don't want to be
associated with me either They took my life. They turned it into a cgi fucking drama I lose my
fiance. I lose my job They put my entire existence out there for everyone to watch and you
signed up to be the face of it You're a fucking enabler I should be yelling at you you are yelling
at me well, I need to yell at someone Well, it's not fair that you're taking it all out on me I'm,
sorry That I shat in a church Okay But I was trying to get your attention so that you'd get in
touch with streamberry And have them pull the plug on the show. I already made that call And
they told me to go fuck myself So you can't stop this I thought for once I was gonna have
control over my own image But those fuckers lied about everything First they told me this was
gonna be a prestige show, right?

Look, I didn't think it was gonna be like my movie frida, but I couldn't imagine that it was gonna
be this And then they said that they were closing the pay gap Bullshit they are paying me one-
tenth of what they're paying george clooney I'm, sorry, george. Clooney is going to be In this
show. No, they're sticking his head on a thomas the tank engine reboot wait How much are
they paying you?

Oh Nothing nothing nothing That is so fucked up Yeah, well they're screwing us both I mean,
how do you think kate blanchett feels about this fucker? This is the bad guy Mona, giovanni
Giovanni, whatever and the the whole strawberry machine It's three berries They have taken
100 years of cinema and diminished it to an app I want to go and take that computer And rip
the cables out of it and stick them up. It's us.

Let's bring down the system the the computer thing Oh, yeah Let's are you a hacker? No, no,
no. No.

No, I mean, I mean like physically so it says the server's outside of mona. Giovanni's office so
we just get in there and fucking You know her office is all the way at the top we can't crawl
inside of the building like spider-man no, no, no You don't have to Because you can just walk in
the front door We can't just do that You can Because you're some fucking hayek You're right
Yeah, I am some fucking hayek So Good morning Hi. Hello Miss hyatt.

I have an appointment with mona. Giovanni. Of course.

Let me just I I can't um It should be in the system. Please do excuse me. Is there a restroom I
can use of course right over there I'm afraid that's too public Thanks to your show Every time
people see me go into one of those all they can think about is hot birria coming out of my
bottom of course Can we swipe miss hayek through there is a private restroom down the
corridor on the right Thank you And don't worry.

I'm just gonna pee Okay Thank you Yeah, good you rolling yeah, great So miss javadi a lot
going on here at streambury loads of heat around your new show I know right, but you've got a
heap of questions. Yeah Lucy i'm in the middle of an interview. I think it might be important
Sorry Sorry, sorry.

Sorry Yes, apparently some hayek's downstairs asking to see you. Don't we tell her to go fuck
herself this morning? Maybe that's why Just get security to chuck her out Sorry Sorry, sorry,
she's new how long she'll last anyway, where were we Joan is awful.

Joan is awful What are you wearing the disguise take it off they're gonna think you're
kidnapping me, okay Hurry up Okay So Here at streambree. We are passionate about creating
new forms of entertainment This whole floor is dedicated to content generation r&d
Experimental entertainment computer generated material like jonas awful. Exactly That is
made by This the quamputer which is actually just down that corridor on the left a kind of
quantum computer Yeah, hence the name an infinite content creator capable of willing entire
multiverses into existence Right and within those rendered worlds shooting packaging and
editing fully edited programs that would normally take months to make such as Joan is awful.

I wish they'd stop saying that correct. I like the picture and the role Salma's depicting is based
on a real joan, right? Yep, why that particular woman?

What's so special about her? Absolutely nothing We were looking for a totally average nobody
person just just to test the system The point is joan is awful. It's just the beginning the aim here
is to launch unique tailored content to each Individual in our database all 800 million of them
created on the fly by our system the most relatable content Imaginable actually there's one for
you.

I couldn't resist This is actually real and will be available to stream from friday Uh, why awful
why is it all so negative? Yeah, I know. That's a great question.

Fatima. Um, we did try more affirmative content in the test cell, but we found that Our subjects
just didn't buy it. It didn't chime with their neurotic view of themselves what we found instead
was when we focused on their more weak or selfish or Craven moments it confirmed their
innermost fears and put them in a state of mesmerized horror Which really drives
engagement?

They literally can't look away. Let's kill this one Oh There it is, holy christ, I know it's allowed in
here i'm calling security If you call security, I will break your arm. Don't think I won't because I
will Understood.

Yes, miss hayek Okay, how do we get in here What's that Joan is awful No, but that's me. That
should be Her right because that's the variant of joan is awful that the joan below you sees
when she watches the show what The joan below me. Well, you're not the original joan.

That's source. Joan. We need a code for this.

Joan. Wait, you should Source joan. Yeah, you're just a joan Who's source joan the real joan
Look there source.

Joan source joan I'm not the real joan. You're a version of joan played by a digital likeness of
annie murphy Who's annie murphy the actress? There look familiar schitt's creek no great show
You're playing an adaptation of joan.
Look Source joan lives in reality when source. Joan watches the tv show. Joan is awful She sees
you playing her that show is the fictive level.

We're on right now here the fictive level Yes, fictive level one. Like I said, this is an adaptation of
joan's life. You're in a show right now I'm in a show right now Come on, have you seen where
you live?

Who could afford a place like that?

[Speaker 2]

It's a tv show house I mean look at me michael Sarah licensed his face Just like annie murphy
licensed her face to play joan on level one and selma hayek licensed her face To play joan on
level two and to play herself.

[Speaker 1]

You're on level one. Whoa. Whoa, whoa I'm not playing myself I am myself.

Yeah. Yeah, but it tracks that you believe that because you're coded to play yourself on this level
What what we're not in reality right now. This is fictive level one if i'm not here then where am I?

I don't know where the real miss hayek is. I don't have eyes on her She's probably in zurich or
on a beach somewhere.

[Speaker 2]

I don't know where she is I mean, this is not called selma hayek gets everything explained to
her but doesn't understand it still it's called joan is awful It's her story by which I mean the real
her.

[Speaker 1]

I don't mean i'm not annie murphy source joan the joan that lives Oh, thank god You were so
boring Jesus Honey murphy, you're my hero. You guard the door I'm Come on, come on. Just
give that computer.

Okay, just wait a second. Wait a second. Wait a second.

So Inside this computer. There's a version Of you playing me who thinks she's real Yeah They're
coming do it do it Okay, if you destroy that you destroy everybody inside every fictive universe
about this one You billions of simulated souls who consider themselves to be real will die. Do
you really want all that blood on your hands?

I mean define blood for me here. Okay, this is a quantum computer, right? We we barely know
how it works.
It's basically magic the reality we're in will cease to exist Would I die instantly? Put the fucking
ax down annie murphy now listen to her joan as you're told I can't Because The fact that i'm
standing here right now means that source joan already stood here in reality So it doesn't
matter what I want because the events that this is based on have already happened it's not my
decision It's jones. Okay tech.

All right, go he's doing it Jesus I think we're done What's your name please danny murphy Uh
i'm dating again Just taking it slow, you know and trying to make some time for myself Well,
how does that make you feel? Feels good, you know feels good to be okay on your own And
work Yeah, I mean my job is far less corporate But i'm my own boss. I I treat my staff well, uh,
and i'm actually I'm actually proud of what I do.

So It's good to hear. Yeah. Thanks So maybe now do you feel?

Yeah, um Like the main character in my own life Mm-hmm Yeah, I think I do And you don't feel
too confined Oh the house arrest You know, there's good days and bad days I guess that's to be
expected You Hi abby, how you doing? Good usual the usual, please. Okay I missed you.

Thanks to you. How are you? I'm good Sorry, i'm, sorry You

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