presence

AN INTERNATIONAL JOURNAL OF SPIRITUAL DIRECTION • VOL. 23, NO. 3 • SEPTEMBER 2017

Spiritual Direction Response to Violence • Opening the Lens of the Heart

Do No Harm: A Case for Professional Boundaries and Supervision in Spiritual Direction
Come, Holy Spirit: Spiritual Direction and the Eucharistic Epiclesis
 presence
AN INTERNATIONAL JOURNAL OF SPIRITUAL DIRECTION

ARTICLES
Standing Differently in the World:
Spiritual Direction Response to Violence
Margaret F. Arms 5
Toward a Life-Giving Christian Spirituality:
Ten Guiding Principles
Thomas Hart 10
Come, Holy Spirit:
Spiritual Direction and the Eucharistic Epiclesis 8
Carl Grant 18
Opening the Lens of the Heart:
Looking Out at the World, Seeing Inside Ourselves
Diane M. Millis 22
Do No Harm: A Case for Professional Boundaries and
Supervision in Spiritual Direction
Maria Tattu Bowen 29
What Language Shall I Borrow? Let’s Try the Psalms!
Carolyn Butler 38
Recognising Christ:
13
Theological Reflections in Spiritual Direction
Julie Léger Dunstan 44
A New Contemporary Spiritual Exercise: “The Journey”
Deborah Hennessy 52
FEATURES
Focus 3
About Our Authors 4
About Our Poets and Artists 60
Reviews 61
31

POETRY
Falling Leaf
Yuan Changming 28
Debate
Ailsa Flynne 37
For an 80th Birthday
Jane Khin Zaw, OCD 43

57
 presence AN INTERNATIONAL
JOURNAL OF SPIRITUAL DIRECTION
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2 Presence: An International Journal of Spiritual Direction
 FOCUS

I
A world of many colors

went running on one of those days when the spirit attraction. Hundreds of millions of people in some of
was willing but the flesh was weak. It took some the poorest parts of the world live off the fish that are
effort, but once I was outside, running under a supported by the reefs’ biosystems. “What is your plan to
cerulean sky, my flesh caught up with my spirit a protect more hillsides?” is a question we have to ask about
bit. I knew the sky was “cerulean” because that all the areas of the world that are threatened by climate
was one of my favorite crayons when I was a change.
kid. As I headed through my neighborhood toward the The World Council of Churches said, “When creation
park, it seemed as though the color gods (or the crayon is threatened, churches and Christians are called to speak
manufacturers) had been busy overnight trying out some out and act as an expression of their commitment to life,
of the hues that weren’t included in my 24-pack box. justice and love.”
Dandelion, Inch Worm, Royal Purple, Scarlet, Raw Sienna, The Islamic Declaration on Global Climate Change
and Forest Green were all on display. states, “We call on all Muslims wherever they may be…
to tackle habits, mindsets, and the root causes of climate
It was May, and we’ve had a lot of rain this year. So change, environmental degradation, and the loss of bio-
the colors were perhaps more vivid than usual. But in the diversity…and bring about a resolution to the challenges
part of California in which I live, we have crayon-colors that now face us.”
all year long. I was reminded of this when I read Diane Four-hundred-twenty-five rabbis have signed a
M. Millis’s article, “Opening the Lens of the Heart: Rabbinic Letter on the Climate Crisis, which says,
Looking Out at the World, Seeing Inside Ourselves” “We call for a new sense of eco-social justice – a tikkun
(22). She describes the gusts of wind that “assailed” her olam that includes tikkun tevel, the healing of our planet.
on a frigid December morning in Minnesota. I used to We urge those who have been focusing on social justice to
live in Minnesota, and I could feel the bite of the wind address the climate crisis, and those who have been focus-
as I read her description. In the time I lived there, I met ing on the climate crisis to address social justice.”
many people who, like Millis, saw the beauty in the The Global Buddhist Climate Change Collective said,
winterscapes of denuded trees standing in feet-deep snow “When the Earth becomes sick, we become sick, because
drifts. But for the life of me, I never understood why we are part of her…. We have a brief window of opportu-
“white” was a color in my little box of crayons, and it nity to take action, to preserve humanity from imminent
made even less sense to me to go out walking in it. disaster and to assist the survival of the many diverse and
Even so, Millis’s winter walk and what she saw that beautiful forms of life on Earth.”
day led her to invite a group of retreatants to compose Pope Francis wrote, “We are not faced with two sepa-
“heart-awakening” questions based on a photo she took rate crises, one environmental and the other social, but
of a hillside of sapling plantings. The question she chose rather one complex crisis which is both social and envi-
to reflect on was, “What is your plan to protect more ronmental. Strategies for a solution demand an integrated
hillsides?” approach to combating poverty, restoring dignity to the
The question is a metaphor for how to accompany underprivileged, and at the same time protecting nature.”
people within a community in contrast to one to one As spiritual people, we cannot simply accompany indi-
spiritual companioning. I think, however, there is also viduals or communities without also accompanying the
value in asking the question a bit more literally. This world in which they live. When the earth becomes sick,
year, Australian scientists reported that hundreds of miles we become sick. Our challenge today is to ask ourselves
of the Great Barrier Reef are dead, killed by overheated and each other: What is your plan to protect more hill-
seawater. More southerly sections are likely to die soon as sides? ■
evidenced by their bleached-white lack of color. —Nick Wagner
The world’s coral reefs are not just a colorful tourist
Volume 23 No. 3 • September 2017 3
 ABOUT OUR AUTHORS

MARGARET F. ARMS, MSW, PhD, is a around the world in partnership with

spiritual director in Colorado, USA. She San Francisco Theological Seminary.
practices spiritual direction, leads retreats Tattu Bowen’s body-centered spiritual
and workshops, and supervises spiritual direction modalities include inner-
directors. She is a former member of the relationship focusing and intuition
Spiritual Direction Colorado Committee medicine; she works long-distance
and lectures in the Benedictine Spiritual and in person. You can contact her at
Formation Program. She holds a joint PhD from the University maria@togetherinthemystery.org.
of Denver and Iliff School of Theology in religious and
theological studies and psychology and religion. Contact her at CAROLYN BUTLER was a missionary
margaretarms@gmail.com. in the Democratic Republic of the
Congo for thirty-five years working as
THOMAS HART, PhD, lives in Seattle a translator, teacher, printer, hospital
Washington, USA. He has been offering and prison chaplain, and worship
spiritual direction for fifty years. He is the leader. Only since moving to Cape
author of The Art of Christian Listening, Town, South Africa, in 1996 has she
Hidden Spring: The Spiritual Dimension discovered spiritual direction, finding late in life her true
of Therapy; To Know and Follow Jesus: passion. She is also an author and a full-time grandmother.
Contemporary Christology; Spiritual Contact her at cbutler@intermail.co.za.
Quest: A Guide to the Changing Landscape; and Coming
Down the Mountain: How to Turn Your Retreat into Everyday JULIE LÉGER DUNSTAN is director
Living. His e-mail address is kfth@oz.net. for formation and professional
development at the London Centre
CARL GRANT, MBA, MA, DASD, is a for Spiritual Direction. She is a
spiritual director and founding associate psychotherapist, spiritual director and
of AuthenticWays: The Spiritual Center for trainer; a licensed lay minister in the
Life’s Journey in Walnut Creek, California, Church of England; and a Benedictine
USA. His focus is on spiritual direction Oblate. She can be contacted at leger.dunstan@virgin.net.
for persons in the helping professions.
Contact him at clgrant@astound.net. DEBORAH HENNESSY grew up in
South Africa and moved to the United
DIANE M. MILLIS, PhD, is an Kingdom in 1962. Her professional life
inspirational speaker, educator, spiritual revolved around health care, in which
director, and author of Conversation— she worked in policy development and
the Sacred Art and Deepening as a clinician, teacher, researcher, and
Engagement. She currently teaches at manager. After this active working life,
Saint Catherine University in Minnesota, she retired to West Sussex, United Kingdom, and developed
USA, and enjoys facilitating retreats a spiritual direction ministry as practitioner and teacher. She
for campus, congregational, and corporate communities. qualified with a master’s degree in Christian spirituality from
Contact her at connect@journeyconversations.org. Sarum College, Winchester, UK, in 2013. You can contact
her at deb.hennessy@btinternet.com
MARIA TATTU BOWEN, PhD, has decades of experience
offering spiritual direction, supervision, and formation to
spiritual directors in a cross-cultural context. Cofounder
of Together in the Mystery, she trains supervisors from

4 Presence: An International Journal of Spiritual Direction

 SPIRITUAL DIRECTION

Do No Harm:
A Case for Professional Boundaries and Supervision in Spiritual Direction
Maria Tattu Bowen

S
Amidst spiritual direction’s regenerative chaos, creat-
ing and maintaining clear professional boundaries and
piritual direction is a relationship in receiving regular supervision allow us to negotiate the
which we have the temerity to welcome spiritual direction relationship safely. Underestimating
encounters with Divine Mystery. We our need for these proactive measures is tantamount to
surrender ourselves to the Spirit, sensing underestimating the powerful processes at work in spiri-
her fiery aliveness in us. We lean into tual direction.
our deepest desires. We discern our call, This article makes a case for establishing and maintain-
not infrequently at considerable personal cost. Sometimes, ing professional boundaries. It explores the boundary
we even take the greatest risk of all: letting ourselves be between what spiritual direction is and what it is not.
truly loved and transformed by God. Clearly, engaging in It defines the terms boundary, boundary crossing, and
spiritual direction is not for the faint of heart. boundary violation. It offers examples of both typical and
recommended professional boundaries for spiritual direc-
Into the complexity and grace, the beauty and fecundi- tors drawn from a Western, Christian context and invites
ty of a relationship with Divine Mystery, spiritual director readers to adapt them to fit their own setting.
and spiritual directee alike bring their personal back- Finally, it acknowledges that sometimes prudence dic-
grounds, their unconscious assumptions, their wounds, tates the crossing of a professional boundary, detailing a
and their gifts. discernment process to help spiritual directors negotiate
What has long remained hidden may spring into aware- boundary crossings and offering a hypothetical case study
ness at any moment. We may race through periods of rapid as an illustration.
spiritual transformation. When one person’s feelings are
suppressed, the other may feel them instead, leaving ambi- A Case for Professional Boundaries
guity about what belongs to whom. Mysticism may bloom. In the North American Christian context where I min-
Mental illness may emerge. Old traumas may reassert them- ister, professional counselors are typically licensed and
selves. Within this sacred relationship, both parties experi- professional ministers ordained. However, most spiritual
ence again and again opportunities for growth and healing. directors and supervisors are neither licensed nor ordained.
Considerable differences between spiritual director A wide variety of opinions exist among spiritual directors
and spiritual directee in culture, class, race, gender, about whether or not they consider themselves profession-
sexual orientation, health status, personality, theology, als. While some do proceed as professionals, others insist
age, and the like add further intricacy to the process. that what they offer is more casual spiritual friendship.
Sometimes, these differences may feel dynamic and Formation programs for spiritual directors certify not
transformative for both parties. In other cases, the clash- so much the skills of graduates, but the completion of a
ing of differences may threaten to overwhelm the pos- particular program or internship. Graduating from such a
sibility of a productive relationship. program makes one a trained spiritual director, not a certi-
Conversely, an abundance of similarity in background fied one.
may give rise to parallel processes that baffle even as they The fact is, among spiritual directors and supervisors,
stir compassion. there are no formal, widely agreed-upon standards as to
I feel awestruck at the power and beauty, the grace and what constitutes adequate training. In addition, there is
healing potential inherent in the spiritual direction rela- no agreement about which skills must be demonstrated for
tionship. I also have a healthy respect for its dynamism proficiency. Clearly, this does not help us much with the
and the frequency with which it triggers spiritual direc- question of professionalism.
tors in places of wounding. However, we do have the blessing of a document that
Volume 23 No. 3 • September 2017 29
 SPIRITUAL DIRECTION

supports professional standards, the Guidelines for Ethical Further, the AECSD’s Formation Guidelines (2015)
Conduct, written and published by Spiritual Directors “encourage directors to practice professionally by com-
International (SDI). I feel grateful for the wisdom reflected panioning their directees within a safe space protected by
in this document and for its call to integrity. ethical boundaries” (Auer, 53).
The frequency with which spiritual directors choose to Considering oneself a professional spiritual director has
ignore selected aspects of this document makes me wonder, nothing to do with the number of spiritual directees one
though, about whether the word guidelines, as applied to has; rather, that designation rests on the spiritual director’s
the ethical conduct of spiritual directors, carries with it a willingness to adhere to professional standards.
strong enough imperative. Personal boundaries between friends differ significantly
The Oxford Dictionaries website defines a guideline as from professional boundaries for spiritual directors. If in
“a general rule, principle, or piece of advice.” Contrast rejecting professionalism, spiritual directors free themselves
the title Guidelines for Ethical Conduct from SDI with the from the ethical standards that inhere within a professional
American Psychological Association’s Ethical Principles of status, then they do so at their own peril and that of their
Psychologists and Code of Conduct. spiritual directees as well.
Unlike the generality implicit in the word guidelines, The discussion that follows assumes that every spiri-
Oxford Dictionaries notes that a code is “a set of rules and tual director is a professional when it comes to the ethical
standards adhered to by a society, class, or individual.” imperative to establish and maintain professional boundar-
The title Ethical Principles of Psychologists and Code of ies and to receive regular supervision.
Conduct feels solid and mandatory to me, and I wonder
whether for some spiritual directors the title Guidelines The Boundary That Defines Spiritual Direction
for Ethical Conduct feels, by comparison, a little wispy Because there is no certifying board for spiritual direc-
and optional. tors that delineates the shape of our practice, considerable
That said, the generality of a word like guidelines in confusion swirls around the boundary between what
SDI’s Guidelines for Ethical Conduct allows room for inter- spiritual direction is and what it is not.
pretation by people from across spiritual traditions and Consequently, before entering into spiritual direction
social locations. While this fits for an international, interre- relationships spiritual directors must, in conversation
ligious organization like SDI, it is important that spiritual with their own formation programs and supervisors
directors not use the flexibility built into the Guidelines for ,define for themselves and their spiritual directees the
Ethical Conduct for the purposes of inclusion as an excuse ministry or services they offer.
for ethical laxity. If you have not already done so, consider taking time to
I have trained spiritual directors and supervisors for contemplate the beautiful, evocative descriptions of spiri-
many years, in addition to having the privilege of main- tual direction on SDI’s website. Drawn from Buddhist,
taining spiritual direction and supervision relationships Christian, Eastern-Philosophical, Islamic, and Jewish per-
for decades both within the United States and interna- spectives, these definitions may help us distinguish what
tionally. This experience has taught me that, in general, best defines our own practice of spiritual direction.
those who behave as professional spiritual directors treat Listening and responding within a specific definition
SDI’s Guidelines for Ethical Conduct as if it were indeed of spiritual direction create a clear boundary that reminds
a code, rather than a set of guidelines. They carry with us to practice with integrity. Upon such a definition, we
them a sense of ethical accountability that spiritual direc- may build a covenant to share with spiritual directees.
tors who describe more casual spiritual friendships do not Such a covenant may not only guide our practice, it can,
necessarily share. if need be, call our spiritual directees and us back to our
Apropos of this, I feel heartened that the Australian shared understanding of our relationship and its reason
Ecumenical Council for Spiritual Direction (AECSD) has for being. In our desire for accountability, we may even
created its own statement about ethics standards. The name bring our covenant to our supervisor for review.
of this document? Code of Ethics for Spiritual Directors. I define spiritual direction as a healing ministry both

30 Presence: An International Journal of Spiritual Direction

 SPIRITUAL DIRECTION

“Indian Summer” — Ginny Piech Street

similar to and different from counseling. In spiritual direc- intention of participating in the reign of God. That is my
tion, we listen and respond to the invitation of the Holy definition of spiritual direction, and I am sticking to it.
Spirit in all dimensions of being (body, mind, emotions,
and intuition) and in every arena of life (intrapersonal, Professional Boundaries Typical in One North
interpersonal, systemic, and environmental) with the American Spiritual Direction Context
Below you will find a list of professional boundaries
typical in my North American spiritual direction con-
Definitions Related to Professional text. Some readers may disagree with what I have includ-
Boundaries in Spiritual Direction ed here and others may notice that I have overlooked a
Boundaries: A series of formal, mutual agreements boundary essential to their context.
between spiritual director and spiritual directee My intention in sharing this list is to start a conversa-
designed to keep both parties grounded and safe tion that I hope you will continue with me on Shutterfly:
while navigating the spiritual direction relationship. https://httpsprofessionalboundariesspdir.shutterfly.com/.
Boundary crossing: The preferably discerned, This will be similar to the discussions that follow SDI
sometimes unavoidable, traversing of a boundary. webinars. After signing up for a free Shutterfly account
Boundary violation: A crossing of one or more at shutterfly.com, go to the above URL. There you can
boundaries that harms the spiritual directee, the request membership to the discussion site. Once it is
spiritual director, or both. ■ granted, we can continue our conversation, and you will
be able to download free materials relevant to this topic.
Volume 23 No. 3 • September 2017 31
 SPIRITUAL DIRECTION

◆◆What spiritual direction is and is not: Typically the situations arise infrequently in which it may do less harm
spiritual director’s personal definition is formed in con- to the spiritual direction relationship to cross a professional
versation with SDI and in the context of the spiritual boundary than it would to maintain it. Having a plan in
community(ies) in which the spiritual director practices. place for discernment around boundary crossing is crucial
◆◆Reason for meeting: Typically spiritual direction is for spiritual directors, and you will find such a plan below.
offered alone, and sometimes spiritual direction is
offered along with another practice like psychotherapy, Examples of Boundary Crossing in Spiritual
energy healing, or body work, but then only with explic- Direction
it agreement by both parties. Sometimes the crossing of professional boundar-
◆◆Duration of meeting: Typically an hour. ies happens outside a spiritual director’s control. For
◆◆Frequency of meeting: Typically once a month. example, a spiritual directee may join his spiritual direc-
◆◆Contact between meetings: Typically none or rare, tor’s religious institution, creating a dual relationship. Or
meaning few if any dual relationships. perhaps a spiritual director habitually maintains a specific
◆◆Physical contact: Typically none or only at the ini- boundary throughout her practice, only to realize that in
tiation of a spiritual directee and even then only if the one particular relationship this boundary begins to create
spiritual director is comfortable hugging the spiritual more problems than it solves.
directee. At these times context-specific professional boundar-
◆◆Gift giving and receiving: Typically no expensive gifts ies provide a starting place from which to discern a way
given or received by either party, and few if any inexpen- forward when conditions change. This new way forward
sive ones. can, on occasion, travel across a boundary.
◆◆Self-disclosure: Typically extensive self-disclosure by Just as the typical boundaries proposed above do not
spiritual directee and infrequent self-disclosure by the fit every context, the boundary crossings examples below
spiritual director, with spiritual director’s self-disclosure must be discerned and would not be appropriate in every
tending toward sharing a feeling or image, rather than spiritual direction relationship.
sharing a personal story.
◆◆Clothing: Typically simple and devoid of sexual innu- ◆◆Crossing a time boundary: Agreeing to extend the
endo for both parties. session by five minutes if the hour ends at a critical
◆◆Place: Typically a quiet location of the spiritual direc- moment.
tor’s choosing that protects the spiritual directee’s con- ◆◆Crossing a relationship boundary:
fidentiality. • Participating in the same spiritual community as a
◆◆Confidentiality: Typically spiritual directors share spiritual directee.
nothing about the spiritual directee outside of the rela- • Shopping at a market where a spiritual directee
tionship, barring an emergency that requires disclosure works.
(such as a state-mandated reporting to protective ser- • Running into a spiritual directee outside of a ses-
vices). sion and having a short conversation.
◆◆Size of practice: Typically spiritual directors attend ◆◆Crossing a frequency boundary: Meeting twice a
to their own limits of time, energy, and attention and month for a couple of months during a stressful pas-
restrict their practice accordingly. sage in a spiritual directee’s life.
◆◆Crossing a gift boundary: Receiving a small token of
Though professional boundaries appropriate to my con- gratitude such as baked goods, a book, or a symbolic
text may not fit your ministry environment, perhaps this item to mark a religious holiday.
list may spark your own consideration of which boundaries ◆◆Crossing a confidentiality boundary: Submitting, at
would work for you. a spiritual directee’s request, a reference letter to a spiri-
Once we have established a set of professional boundar- tual direction training program the spiritual directee is
ies, it is imperative that we make space for the fact that applying to.

32 Presence: An International Journal of Spiritual Direction

 SPIRITUAL DIRECTION

Discerning Boundary Crossings Another example of spiritual directee factors that could
Because one person’s boundary crossing is another influence boundary crossing occurs when hugging or
person’s boundary violation, care must be taken in dis- gift-giving are regular and exuberant practices in a spiri-
cerning when it is appropriate to cross a professional tual directee’s culture. In such cases, significant meaning
boundary in spiritual direction. Here, the field of psy- may be attached to a spiritual director’s refusal to receive
chotherapy can offer assistance. a hug or a gift.
Written for psychotherapists, Ofer Zur’s Boundaries in Further, if an introverted spiritual directee sees his
Psychotherapy: Ethical and Clinical Explorations encourag- spiritual director on the street, he may choose not to
es the weighing of four types of factors when discerning acknowledge her. Conversely, an extroverted spiritual
a boundary crossing: the client factors, setting of therapy, directee might cross the street to say hi and introduce
therapy factors, and therapist factors. the spiritual director to her family as well. In this way,
Analogously, spiritual directors might consider the fol- a spiritual directee’s personality can factor into discern-
lowing four factors adapted from Zur: spiritual directee ment around boundary crossing.
factors, setting factors, spiritual practice factors, and In addition, spiritual directees who have experienced
spiritual director factors. traumatic boundary violations such as physical violence
may respond in surprising ways to the crossing of certain
Spiritual Directee Factors boundaries. This alone provides an excellent reason for
Spiritual directee factors that Zur suggests considering spiritual directors to avoid initiating hugs, which have
when discerning a boundary crossing may include cul- the potential to produce a post-traumatic stress response
ture, class, race, gender, sexual orientation, health status, in people whose physical boundaries have been violated.
personality, theology, age, and past experience, including Further, it is not only the crossing of physical boundar-
history of trauma (chapter 3). ies that may feel troubling to spiritual directees who have
For example, with regard to health status, a spiritual had their boundaries violated. They may feel safest when
directee’s extended hospitalization may provide an oppor- all professional boundaries are kept clean and clear and
tunity for discernment between spiritual director and boundary crossing is avoided entirely.
spiritual directee about whether the spiritual director will Conversely, for some spiritual directees, previous bound-
visit, and, if so, under what circumstances. A visit without ary violations may have left them feeling unaware of their
payment would cross a boundary regarding dual relation- own personal boundaries, which may leave them unclear
ships. A discernment might be made that, under the cur- about a spiritual director’s need for professional boundaries
rent circumstances, such a visit would be appropriate. as well. Not infrequently in such cases, spiritual directors
Or perhaps the discernment is to cross the bound- may find themselves reminding spiritual directees about
ary of place instead, changing the regular setting of the the start and stop times of sessions and reiterating the need
session from the spiritual director’s office to the spiri- for minimal contact between sessions.
tual directee’s hospital room, in which case the spiritual
directee would pay her usual stipend. Setting Factors
This example illustrates the insidious nature of bound- Setting factors to consider when discerning the appro-
ary crossings and the fact that one often flows from priateness of a particular boundary crossing include the
another. Imagine that the spiritual director crosses the characteristics of the place where we meet spiritual direct-
dual relationship boundary or the boundary of place and ees, like churches, religious communities, schools, home
is now sitting in the spiritual directee’s hospital room. offices, small towns, and big cities. Zur refers here to the
Soon, the spiritual directee’s partner arrives unexpectedly, frequency of unavoidable encounters and dual relation-
occasioning some awkward moments in which the spiri- ships that may occur in places like small towns, religious
tual directee tries to explain the presence of an unfamiliar communities, school campuses, and the like (chapter 3).
person in this intimate setting. Now the confidentiality In certain seasons of my own practice, I have chosen
boundary may be crossed as well. to meet spiritual directees in my home. This crosses a
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boundary around self-disclosure, requiring a great deal type of spiritual direction one offers and the charac-
of it from the very beginning. The moment the spiritual teristics of the spirituality that provides the context for
directee arrives for a first session, he encounters one’s pets the spiritual direction relationship (chapter 3). It also
or lack thereof, one’s style of decorating, taste in art, qual- includes the quality, intensity, mutual respect, and dura-
ity of housekeeping, and perceived economic status. The tion of relationship with a particular spiritual directee.
spiritual directee may use the bathroom, perhaps noticing For example, imagine a small spiritual community that
along the way a collection of family photos in the hallway exchanges hugs as a matter of course during worship, then
or an open door to a child’s bedroom, or perhaps seeing shares a meal together after services. A spiritual direction
a hazardous waste container in the bathroom used by an relationship that exists in the context of such a community
ill family member. would involve a significant dual relationship, giving the
Seeing spiritual directees in one’s home introduces spiritual director and spiritual directee alike cause for care-
more data and curiosity about the spiritual director into ful discernment. It might also tend to feel normal to one or
the relationship than a spiritual director might normally both of them to hug one another or share a meal together,
prefer. For example, the things a spiritual directee notices given the shared context of their shared spiritual practice.
in your home might influence discussions about stipend. Though this sense of normalcy may seem to indicate
They may give rise to questions about your relationship that this dual relationship is not a boundary problem,
status, the ages of your children, or even whose birthday I have learned to be curious about a sense of normalcy
occasioned the balloons in your living room. when it comes to boundary crossings and encourage
For spiritual directors, meeting spiritual directees at directors to make use of their supervisors, even—and
home might lead to a sense of their presence and influ- especially—when the boundary crossing they are con-
ence on the spiritual director’s personal space, even templating feels normal.
outside of sessions. Imagine, for example, that a spiritual Another example of spiritual practice factors includes
director with a home office has a family member who the spiritual director who practices spiritual direction
takes life drawing classes and likes to display this work along with another healing modality. For example, a
at home. Though the spiritual director may otherwise spiritual director who covenants with a spiritual directee
appreciate this art, she may be faced with replacing draw- to offer Reiki is crossing at least two boundaries: one
ings of nudes on the wall before each spiritual directee between spiritual direction and Reiki and the other
arrives. regarding physical contact in spiritual direction.
In addition, a spiritual director might grow concerned As noted earlier, boundary crossing can be insidious,
about the presence of a loving cat who sits on her lap so spiritual directors who design a practice that spans
during sessions at home, even as a spiritual directee talks boundaries would do well both to make especially care-
about how distraught he feels at the death of his beloved ful use of supervision and to avoid crossing additional
dog. Or she might feel a subtle pressure to display boundaries if at all possible.
Christmas decorations in her home even during a season
when she is in mourning and might not otherwise do so. Spiritual Director Factors
Because meeting a spiritual directee at home is itself a According to Zur, spiritual director factors to consider
significant boundary crossing, extra care must be taken when discerning a boundary crossing mirror the spiri-
to maintain the rest of the professional boundaries in the tual directee factors noted above, including culture, class,
relationship so as not to slide into a multiplicity of bound- race, gender, sexual orientation, health status, personality,
ary crossings that once added together might cause harm. theology, age, and past experience, including history of
trauma (chapter 3).
Spiritual Practice Factors For example, I am an introvert and find that clear pro-
According to Zur, spiritual practice factors to consider fessional boundaries support me in my need for quiet,
when discerning the appropriateness of a professional uncomplicated listening space. For this reason alone I find
boundary crossing include factors around the particular myself more reluctant to cross certain boundaries than

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some of the more extroverted spiritual directors I know. Setting Factors

Further, my personal history leaves me most comfort- You meet Alex in your office on the property of a church
able with professional boundaries that tend toward the whose pastor regularly presides at LBGTQ weddings.
strong side. As noted above, this may not always be a
virtue. However, as a spiritual director, I have to take seri- Spiritual Practice Factors
ously my preference for strong boundaries. If I am squirm- Alex has been in your spiritual direction practice for the
ing with discomfort because I have crossed a professional last ten years. Your shared relationship feels to you honest,
boundary in deference to a spiritual directee’s wishes, I mature, grounded, and mutually respectful. You sense that
may find it far more challenging to maintain the grounded Alex shares this assessment. You both belong to Christian
spacious presence I need to listen to this spiritual directee churches, yet Alex’s is more conservative than yours.
and sense the Spirit’s invitation.
Spiritual Director Factors
Weighing the Four Factors to Discern As Alex’s spiritual director, you too have felt anguish
Appropriate Boundary Crossings: A Case Study over his not being able to marry either legally or in his
Zur invites therapists to conduct a risk-benefit analysis own church. As a member of a church whose pastor pre-
(chapter 4) in light of his four factors when considering sides at LBGTQ weddings, you have found it especially
whether or not to cross a boundary in therapy. I find this hard to bear witness to Alex’s pain around church. You
risk-benefit analysis useful for spiritual directors as well rejoice that this big impediment has been removed for
and I approach it as a contemplative discernment. Alex and Adrian and sense the grace that is flowing here.
Further, when faced with more complicated discern- In addition, the thought of attending any spiritual
ments, we can bring them to our supervisor, who ideally is directee’s wedding makes you extremely uncomfortable.
both an expert in helping us see factors that dwell outside You are an introvert and will not know anyone. You dread
of our consciousness and richly resourced with decades of negotiating confidentiality while engaging in typical wed-
experience in spiritual direction and supervision. ding conversations about how you know Alex. You feel
The following hypothetical case study illustrates a concerned about the wedding gift for reasons both finan-
boundary discernment and highlights the weighing of cial- and boundary-related.
risks and benefits in light of the four factors proposed
above. At issue in this discernment: crossing a dual rela- Risk of Attending the Wedding
tionship boundary to attend a spiritual directee’s wedding. In this case, you do not see a particular risk with either
spiritual directee factors or setting factors.
Spiritual Directee Factors While considering spiritual practice factors, you realize
Imagine that Alex is a self-described gay man in your that sessions preceding or following the wedding might
spiritual direction practice who is deeply engaged in his be more taken up with talk of wedding details than they
own spiritual life and community. He has been partnered would if you didn’t attend the wedding and wonder
for many years with Adrian. Alex belongs to a church that whether this might be a distraction.
has not embraced marriage for same-sex partners and lives The spiritual director factors are among the most prob-
in a place where the law only recently allowed him to marry. lematic to you, because you notice a growing discomfort
Alex had spoken at length during spiritual direction with negotiating a social setting that is complete with
about the ongoing anguish he had experienced over his strangers, dual relationships, confidentiality issues, and
inability to marry Adrian legally, especially now that he pressure around choosing and purchasing a wedding gift.
is getting older and his health is deteriorating. In this ses-
sion, Alex rejoices at the change in the law allowing him Risk of Not Attending the Wedding
to marry Adrian. He lets you know that he has engaged a Here, you sense the greatest risk around spiritual
minister in a different denomination to preside at the wed- directee and spiritual practice factors. You wonder what
ding and invites you, his spiritual director, to his wedding. it would be like for Alex if you were to decline his invita-
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tion, especially given your long relationship; your many Closing Remarks
conversations about his painful history of being denied Inherent in this discussion of professional boundaries
the right to marry; and his sharing with you that your is a most important fact to consider: The inequality of
compassionate acceptance has helped him sense God’s power that exists in the spiritual direction relationship.
love for him during a period when he felt devastated by Even the words spiritual director and spiritual directee
his church’s judgment. You also wonder whether declin- emphasize this power differential, framing spiritual direc-
ing the invitation would leave Alex feeling disappointed tors as leaders and spiritual directees as followers.
or even damage his trust. While in practice, power dynamics in the spiritual
Spiritual director factors come into play here as well, direction relationship may appear far more subtle than
because in addition to your reservations you also sense these words imply, the fact that we continue to use them
a potential experience of personal loss and regret if you to describe what we do communicates something impor-
decline the invitation. tant to us and to our spiritual directees about the power
differential in the spiritual direction relationship.
Benefit of Attending the Wedding I notice that some spiritual directors attempt to shrug
When considering spiritual practice and spiritual off discussions about power by asserting that “the Holy
directee factors, the benefit of attending the wedding Spirit is the spiritual director.” This troubles me.
seems clear and undeniable. It brings an arduous, painful I agree wholeheartedly that the spiritual director’s
journey to completion for Alex and Adrian personally ministry involves exploring the Holy Spirit’s movement
and for Alex in his spiritual direction relationship with in the life of a spiritual directee and inviting the spiritual
you as well. directee’s response. However, I have too often encoun-
What is more, when considering spiritual director fac- tered beginning spiritual directors whose insistence that
tors, you find yourself beginning to feel excited about “the Holy Spirit is the spiritual director” allows them to
attending the wedding to witness and celebrate the dismiss from consciousness the power they wield—and
completion of this leg of Alex’s journey with Adrian, with with it their own potential to cause harm.
God, with the church, with the government, and with We do this to the spiritual directee’s detriment. To under-
you. The start of a whole new journey feels nigh. estimate our own power in this relationship is to underes-
timate our spiritual directee’s vulnerability and to minimize
Benefit of Not Attending the Wedding our own responsibility to do no harm. In addition, to pre-
Not attending the wedding would reduce boundary tend that the power differential disappears because the Holy
challenges considerably and decrease your tension around Spirit is the spiritual director is to begin any discernment
spiritual director factors. It would also protect Alex’s con- around boundaries with a flawed interpretation about the
fidentiality and allow you to listen to Alex’s experience nature of the spiritual direction relationship.
of the wedding without holding your own potentially While an examination of the power dynamics in the
conflicting impressions of it. helping professions is beyond the scope of this article,
many excellent books have been written on the subject,
Supervision Visit some of which are referenced in the bibliography below.
Having gotten this far with the risk-benefit analysis, In closing, I urge us as spiritual directors and
perhaps your discernment is not yet clear. I imagine supervisors to take seriously the challenges inherent in
that bringing the case to your supervisor might yield an the creative, regenerative, grace-filled, and sometimes
increased sense of the benefit of attending the wedding, challenging spiritual direction relationship; to behave
or a stronger invitation to consider your own needs. It as professionals who adhere to ethical standards; to
also may open a third way that maximizes benefits of acknowledge the power differential we have with spiritual
accepting the invitation while minimizing risks, such as directees; to create professional boundaries appropriate to
attending the wedding but not the reception. our setting; to exercise caution and discernment around
crossing the boundaries we establish; and to receive

36 Presence: An International Journal of Spiritual Direction

 SPIRITUAL DIRECTION

regular supervision so that we have a second pair of eyes International, 2014.

on our spiritual direction practice. Winchell Silver, Anne. Trustworthy Connections:
Specifically, we would do well to choose a supervisor Interpersonal Issues in Spiritual Direction. Cambridge:
who has rich experience with both the challenges and MA: Cowley Publications, 2004.
possibilities in spiritual direction; one who supports us Zur, Ofer. Boundaries in Psychotherapy: Ethical and
in creating boundaries that ground our practice; one who Clinical Explorations. Washington, DC: American
anticipates and names potential boundary issues that may Psychological Association, 2007.
lie outside our own awareness; and one who does not
hesitate to intervene with us to prevent harm. ■

References
American Psychological Association. Ethical Principles of
Psychologists and Code of Conduct. Washington, DC:
American Psychological Association, 2010.
Auer, James, Peter Bentley, Tess Milne, and Stephen
Truscott. “Contemplatively Forming Tomorrow’s
Spiritual Directors.” Presence: An International Journal
of Spiritual Direction 22, no. 4 (December 2016):
50–56.
Australian Ecumenical Council for Spiritual Direction.
“Code of Ethics for Spiritual Directors. Accessed
December 1, 2016. http://spiritualdirection.org.au/
resources/code-of-ethics/.
Australian Educational Council for Spiritual Direction.
Contemplatively Forming Tomorrow’s Spiritual Debate
Directors: Formation Guidelines for Spiritual Directors Alone above the gods decry
in Australia. Rev. ed. 2015. Accessed on January 22, we made you all
2017. http://spiritualdirection.org.au/wp-content/ you live or die
uploads/Contemplatively-Forming-Tomorrows- but by our hand.
Spiritual-Directors-Revised-2015.pdf. Believe and you exist.
Cooper, Frank. Professional Boundaries in Social Work
and Ssocial Care: A Practical Guide to Understanding, Below the clouds, the voices rise
Maintaining and Managing Your Professional if we believe
Boundaries. London: Jessica Kingsley, 2012 you cannot die
Guggenbühl-Craig, Adolf. Power in the Helping we feed your immortality.
Professions. Translated by Myron Gubitz. Dallas, TX: Exist in our belief.
Spring Publications, 1971.
Lebacqz, Karen, and Joseph Driskill. Ethics and Spiritual Creator and created be
Care: A Guide for Pastors, Chaplains, and Spiritual each to the other bound.
Directors. Nashville, TN: Abingdon Press, 2010. It is in learning to be One
Peterson, Marilyn R. At Personal Risk: Boundary that sacredness is found. ■
Violations in Professional-Client Relationships. New
Ailsa Flynne
York: Norton, 1992.
Spiritual Directors International. Guidelines for Ethical
Conduct. Rev. ed. Bellevue, WA: Spiritual Directors
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