Asad: Can I help you?
Other: No, good sir, but I, perhaps, could be of grandiose assistance to you.
Asad: Are you speaking a foreign language? We don't understand foreigners here.
Other: No, I'm offering you an opportunity for eloquence. Simply by listening to my diatribe and
partaking in a simple remedy for a melody that has plagued mankind forever.
Asad: Oh my god, he's got the fever!
Other: I do not—
Asad: No way, you're infected.
Other: —have the fever!
Asad: You don't? Are you sure you're clean?
Other: I'm clean.
Asad: Then why are you talking like that?
Other: I'm trying to sell you a book.
Asad: A book?
Other: Yes, my name is Dictionary, and I have here a book.
Asad: Oh, a story.
Other: No, no story.
Asad: But, there's words.
Other: Yes, it's words.
Asad: What's the plot?
Other: There is no plot.
Asad: Mary, come here. Someone's trying to sell us a book.
Mary: A book?
Asad: Then what good is the book then?
Other: Ah ha! It's so you can look up words that you don't know.
Asad: Well, if I don't know them, then how can I look them up?
Other: Well, let's just say you heard someone use a word that you didn't know, such as assistance.
Asad: I don't know what that means exactly.
Other: Then you could just look it up in this book.
Asad: How?
Mary: What's an alphabet?
Asad: It's your book, how are we supposed to help?
Other: No, assistance means help.
Asad: Yeah, I understand help.
Other: Wait! Okay, let's try this. You want to write a letter.
Asad: But I don't know how to write.
Other: Oh. Suppose you knew how to write, and you wanted to write a letter about your sick aunt.
Asad: But, none of my aunts are sick.
Other: Maybe Aunt Tilly is sick.
Asad: But we ain't got a mail system.
Other: Suppose you had a mail system. And suppose you had a sick aunt.
Asad: But, all my relatives live right here, in this town.
Other: Suppose your relatives lived in Ireland.
Asad: But, none of my relatives can read.
Other: Suppose they could!
Asad: Now let me get this straight. Supposing my relatives could read. Which they can't. Supposing my
relatives lived in Ireland. Which they don't. Supposing we had a mail system.
Mary: Which we ain't.
Asad: Supposing my aunt was sick. Which she ain't. And supposing I could write, which I can't, then your
book would be useful.
Other: Yes!
Other: Let's try this. You want to write a letter to the Duke.
Asad: But I don't.
Other: Suppose you knew how to write, and you wanted to send a letter to the Duke.
Asad: I'm not happy with my taxes.
Other: There you go. You could write a letter to the Duke expressing your plight. Your troubles.
Asad: And this would help?
Other: Sure it would.
Asad: It's settled then. I'll write him a Q.
Mary: Very well.
Asad: I like that letter.
Other: Me too.
Asad: Then T.
Mary: Maybe you could just sell him a book.
Asad: Let's see. He's right! We'll take one.
