www.nrccfi.camden.rutgers.

edu Facts and Issues: CIPL 102

Why Maintain Relationships?

By Ann Adalist-Estrin
circumstances is likely to be much • Preparing for release
Adapted from How Can I Help?, worse and more frightening than the
published by the Osborne reality. As depressing as a prison Maintaining contact through visits,
Association, Long Island, New visiting room may be, it is far better phone and mail is also important to
York, used with permission. that what many children imagine. prepare the incarcerated parent to
Is prison visiting good for the child Sometimes a way of coping with be re-united with the family upon
of an incarcerated parent? Is it the parents absence is to put the release. Without contact, the child
good for the incarcerated parent? Is parent on a pedestal, thinking they may experience the parent's return
it good for the family? can do no wrong. That is really hard as an intrusion. The child may be
on parents who are, of course, confused when the newly released
There is no one right answer for human. Visiting the parents help parent brings a change in parenting
every situation or family. But there children to see that parents make style and rules to an established
are many families and children that mistakes and are not perfect. This is routine in the family. This can be
can benefit from maintaining a good thing for everyone. true whether or not the parent will
family ties through the crises of live with the child.
incarceration.
• Talking face to face
Can contact with an
• Preventing termination
incarcerated parent benefit Children cope best when they are
told the truth about their parents
of parental rights
children?
Each family situation is different. incarceration. It is much easier for
incarcerated parents to talk honestly For children placed in foster care
The potential benefit to children
with their children about their because of parental incarceration,
depends greatly on how much
visits are important to avoid
support they receive. There are feelings of the crime and life
permanent placement. These visits
many adults who are important in behind bars when they are together
which are typically a part of a
the lives of children of even if they were initially told on
parents' reunification plan, also
incarcerated parents. Children can the phone or in a letter. This can
assure children that their parents
benefit when adults help with decrease the child's guilt and
have not voluntarily abandoned
letter writing and phone calls. feelings of responsibility which
them to strangers. In the lives of
They can also benefit when these research says can lessen trauma and
foster children, ongoing visiting
adults participate in preparing for loss symptoms.
creates continuity. And, courts may
and conducting visits.
be less inclined to terminate the
Potential Benefits to Children • Learning you are not rights of a parent who, followed
alone their plan and even though
• Correcting frightening incarcerated, worked to provide
and idealized images Seeing other children and families parental support.
at prison visits helps families know
What the child imagines about the their situation is not unique. There
incarcerated parents condition and are people who understand.
 Children of Incarcerated Parents Library
CIPL #102: Why Maintain Relationships?

• Healing grief and loss What the child

The pain of separation can imagines about the About the Children of
overwhelm children in foster care incarcerated parent's Incarcerated Parents
and other children of incarcerated condition and Library (CIPL)
parents. Maintaining the circumstances is likely Pamphlets may be downloaded
relationship between the child and without charge from the National
the incarcerated parent is important
to be much worse and Resource Center on Children and
to the child's adjustment and more frightening than Families of the Incarcerated current
healing. the reality. As website:
nrccfi.camden.rutgers.edu.
Can contact with family depressing as a prison Duplication is permitted and
members behind bars benefit visiting room may be, encouraged, so long as the materials
are not altered or sold. Sorry, the
families? it is far better than NRCCFI is not budgeted to mail
Families can benefit from bridging what many children free copies. Send comments to the
the gap between jail and imagine. Children of Incarcerated Parents
Library at Rutgers University
community. Families are complex
Camden, 405-7 Cooper Street,
systems. The absence of a part of see strong family ties as an indicator Room 103, Camden, NJ
the system has a powerful impact that those who are incarcerated are 08102-1521.
on its functioning. Family better prepared for release. 856/225-2718, 856/225-6435 Fax
members in prison can be a vibrant In Appreciation
part of the family if Many incarcerated parents can
communication exists. contribute positively to a child's The Children of Incarcerated
Parents Library was originally
upbringing. Prisoners who have supported by a grant from the
While prison limits the activities failed as citizens can succeed as Robert Wood Johnson Foundation
that a family member can perform, parents. Prison can be an with additional support from the
a prisoner can still fill an opportunity to become a better Catholic Campaign for Human
important role in family life as parent—more caring, concerned and Development, the Jack DeLoss
mother, father, spouse, partner, or informed. Taylor Charitable Trust and the
sibling. Heidtke Foundation.
Prison may not be the best place to
But families can only benefit from improve one's parenting, but it has Sponsoring organizations also
been done. Around the country, included: Alpha Phi Alpha
their relationship with an Fraternity, Inc.-Southern Region,
incarcerated member when and if there is growing interest in starting
Children and Family Networks, Hour
they stay in communication. and expanding programs to help Children, The National Practitioners
prisoners learn the skills of Network for Fathers and Families
Can contact with families parenting. The Directory of and The Osborne Association.
benefit the incarcerated? Programs at
The family is probably this www.nrccfi.camden.rutgers.edu lists Special thanks to the Osborne
country's most valuable weapon in many examples. Association, New York for
fighting crime. Prisoners who permission to revise and publish
receive visitors, maintain family There are several ways children can material from their original
ties, and are released to a stable benefit from visits to their pamphlets, How Can I Help? For
home environment are more likely incarcerated parents. information on Osborne's 2014
Stronger Together Handbooks, go to
to succeed in leading productive, There are many reasons for families www.osborneny.org.
crime-free lives. separated by arrest and
The Children of Incarcerated Parents
imprisonment to keep in touch. Library was written by Ann Adalist-
Incarcerated persons clearly There are also many reasons that Estrin, and was edited and published
benefit from family efforts to stay doing so is difficult. by Jim Mustin. 2014 Edition edited
in touch. Families can provide an by Dawn Hoffman.
incentive for them to grow, learn Children of Incarcerated Parents
and change. Families can help Library pamphlets are designed to
those behind bars to stay in touch make the process a little easier. For
with what's going on in the world, more ideas on maintaining
easing their transition back to relationships, see CIPL pamphlets
society. Some parole authorities 103, 105 and 107 and 201 – 204.
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