UNDERSTANDING

EMOTIONS
UNDERSTANDING EMOTIONS
BASIC EMOTIONS AND THEIR FUNCTIONS:
There are many lists of basic emotions. We have chosen to describe
eight that are based on our evolution from animal emotions and are
found universally in people around the world. These emotions are
paired in a range from mild to intense.

Interest–Excitement: Enjoyment–Joy:

1 2

Surprise–Startle: Distress–Anguish:

3 4

Anger–Rage: Fear–Terror:

5 6
UNDERSTANDING EMOTIONS
Shame–Humiliation: Disgust:

7 8

JUDGING EMOTIONS:

Although we often tend to view emotions

as good or bad, this is not a helpful
judgment. Emotions are neither good nor
bad; they simply are part of our
functioning as humans. It is true that we
recognize some emotions as pleasant
and others as unpleasant or painful, but
you will find it very useful to focus more
on the purposes and meanings of an
emotion rather than judging them. This is
a step toward accepting them as part of
you and part of life.

EMOTIONS HELP US MEET OUR NEEDS:

One major function of emotion is to motivate and initiate behavior that

is directed toward specific goals, that is, behavior that can meet our
needs. For example, anger directs us to fight when we are provoked,
hopefully keeping us safe; fear prompts us to run away or avoid
something that is frightening or threatening.
UNDERSTANDING EMOTIONS
love directs us to behave in ways that draw us closer to the ones we
love, because we need safe relationships. Emotions are not really
separate “things”; they are part of bundled experiences that include
not only emotions, sensations, thoughts, and physical actions but also our
perceptions of what is happening in the present and our predictions of
what will happen if we act in a certain way. Emotions are as essential
as thinking and behaving to our survival. However, when the ability to
regulate and tolerate emotions is disrupted or inadequate, this entire
bundled experience becomes difficult to manage.

TWO KINDS OF EMOTIONAL EXPERIENCES:

Some feelings or emotions

are involuntary reactions
to events that happen
around you (for example,
feeling joy because
someone is especially nice
to you; anger because
someone criticizes you or
forgets a date you made;
fear because something
startles you). Other
emotions are primarily a
reaction to your own
thoughts, actions, and feelings (for instance, being ashamed of your
body because an inner voice tells you that you are ugly; feeling
embarrassed that you feel sad; feeling guilty or afraid because you are
mad with someone). These “feelings about feelings,” that is, emotions
about our inner experience, particularly those that involve variations of
shame or pride, are called self-conscious emotions (Tracy, Robins, &
Tangney, 2007). They can often be problematic, because they are
paired with inner negative judgments about what we experience.
UNDERSTANDING EMOTIONS
FEEDBACK LOOPS OF PERCEPTIONS,
THOUGHTS, FEELINGS, AND BEHAVIORS:

As noted earlier, our emotions are intimately connected with our

thoughts, behaviors, sensations, and the ways in which we perceive the
world. These experiences are not actually separate, but rather bundled
together, in continuous feedback loops with each other. For example,
when people feel afraid, they will tend to view the world through the
lens of fear, perceiving many things as threatening, when daily life may
not be dangerous in reality. These perceptions are related to fear-
related thoughts and beliefs, for example, “That man is frowning; he
must be angry with me; anger is dangerous; I must get away.” These
thoughts and beliefs height related to fear-related thoughts and
beliefs, for example, “That man is frowning; he must be angry with me;
anger is dangerous; I must get away.” These thoughts and beliefs
heighten the perception of danger, which heighten the feelings of fear,
which heightens thoughts of danger, and so on. And perceptions,
emotions, and thoughts induce decisions to act in certain ways.
Eventually, people may become so sensitively conditioned to an
emotion such as fear that merely having a physical sensation of fear,
such as a sinking feeling in the stomach, may prompt them to believe
danger is near and to act in a fearful way.

PROBLEMS WITH EMOTIONS

FOR PEOPLE WITH A COMPLEX
DISSOCIATIVE DISORDER:

People with a complex dissociative

disorder were often confronted as
children with situations that evoked
extreme and overwhelming emotions.
Generally young children
UNDERSTANDING EMOTIONS
People with a complex dissociative disorder
were often confronted as children with
situations that evoked extreme and
overwhelming emotions. Generally young
children learn from their caregivers how to
understand and regulate emotions. People
with a dissociative disorder often grew up
in families in which it was not acceptable to
show or discuss certain emotions. In some
cases, it was actually dangerous to express
feelings, resulting in punishment, ridicule, or
complete disregard. Parents or caregivers
of people with a complex dissociative
disorder typically had a problem with emotions themselves and were
thus unable to teach their children adaptive and healthy skills to deal
with emotions. These children learn to avoid or disregard their own
feelings. They also have difficulty reflecting, that is, accurately reading
other people’s emotions and intentions in the present, generally
assuming something negative rather than positive.

INTENSE EMOTIONS ARE OFTEN DISSOCIATED:

People with a dissociative disorder have compartmentalized,

intolerable, intense emotions in various parts of their personality.
Sometimes parts that function in daily life do not experience much
emotion and have learned to avoid feeling much. They may experience
feelings as “all or nothing,” that is, far too intense or not at all. Some
dissociative parts of the personality, living in traumatime, may
experience the same emotion no matter the situation, such as fear,
rage, shame, sadness, yearning, and even some positive ones just as joy.
Other parts have a broader range of feelings. Because emotions are
often held in certain parts of the personality, different parts can have
highly contradictory perceptions, emotions, and reactions to the same
situation.
UNDERSTANDING EMOTIONS
As an example, you may be in your therapist’s office and hear a door
slam in the hallway. You jump and are startled, but the adult part of you
is able to think, “It’s OK. It’s just a door closing.” Yet a very frightened
part of you becomes more and more upset and freezes or wants to run
out of the room, because that part is not yet oriented to the present
and still feels in great danger as though the past were the present.
Intense fear continues to be dissociated in that part of you, while you
may not feel it at all. You, or other parts of you, may be highly critical of
the scared part of yourself. You may become so fearful or ashamed of
so many emotions, as well as the physical sensations that are a natural
part of emotions, that you have learned to avoid (some of) your inner
experience at all costs (see chapter 5 on the phobia of inner
experience).

NEGATIVE JUDGMENTS OF EMOTIONS AMONG

DISSOCIATIVE PARTS:

Dissociative parts of an individual

often make negative emotional
judgments about each other. For
example, one part may feel disgusted
because another part feels needy or
dependent; or one part feels angry
because another part is afraid to try
new things. Some parts avoid feeling
anything at all and believe emotions
are a waste of time. Some people
hear these comments in their head or
“sense” them in the background.
These “feelings about feelings” are
often highly problematic, because
they generally include harsh, negative judgments about basic emotions,
which, in fact, are merely an inevitable part of being human.
UNDERSTANDING EMOTIONS
FEAR OF LOSING CONTROL:

The major parts of you that function in

daily life may have little idea of why a
given feeling occurs, almost as though it
comes “out of the blue.” Thus, people with a
dissociative disorder may experience
anxiety or fear of losing control of their
behavior or feelings to other parts of
themselves. In addition, emotions can be
experienced as so overwhelming that some
people describe it as “falling apart,”
“exploding,” “crumbling,” or other
metaphors for intense loss of control.

DIFFICULTY ATTENDING TO EMOTIONAL SIGNALS

IN THE PRESENT:

We all must attend to the signals that emotions give us. Otherwise the
emotion is likely to intensify or evolve into something else even more
difficult to manage. Many people find it easy to ignore their feelings.
But an ignored minor feeling may escalate to an intense one, for
example, irritation at someone who is bothering you may build to
outright anger if you do not address it. You might then explode in anger
with your friend or partner, and the other person will have no idea why,
because you never said anything about being irritated. If you had been
able to attend to the signal of irritation, you may have been able to
speak up respectfully, set good boundaries, and never come to the
point of anger.
Most people with a dissociative disorder have not learned to read their
emotional signals, only recognizing that they feel globally
overwhelmed, or awful, or bad, or tense.
UNDERSTANDING EMOTIONS
They are not yet able to distinguish the physical and mental signals
associated with specific emotions, and how they might differ from the
signals of other emotions. They must first learn to read and interpret
their emotional signals and match them to particular emotions. Reading
emotions may be complicated by the fact that some parts have an
emotion, while others may not experience it. The part that does not
experience the emotion may only be aware of a vague unease or
restlessness. This is one reason why it is vital to develop more internal
awareness about your emotions and dissociative parts of yourself.

TRIGGERS MAY EVOKE OVERWHELMING

EMOTIONS:

As we noted earlier in the chapters on triggers,

they may instantaneously evoke powerful and
overwhelming emotions. Various dissociative
parts tend to have their own particular set of
emotions related to traumatizing events, and
thus they will be triggered to experience those
emotions, without regard to the present
situation. In fact, such parts often do not even
experience much of the present. Thus, while one
part oriented more in the present may be
feeling fine, another part that is stuck in the past
might be quite fearful or angry. The emotions of
dissociative parts can intrude into present
experience so that a person begins to feel fear,
anger, or shame that is not related to the here
and now. These feelings, stemming from
dissociative parts, can be confusing and
frightening, leading the person to try to avoid
emotions, as well as situations in which these
emotions are reactivated.
UNDERSTANDING EMOTIONS

MINDFULNESS EXERCISE:

Emotions can best be understood and dealt with when you are fully
engaged in the present moment and able to attend to your inner
experience while staying in the here and now. The following exercise is
designed to help you practice being present and mindful. It will be most
helpful if all parts of you can participate; otherwise your attention is
divided rather than concentrated on the present.
You will need a small piece of food that you enjoy, such as a raisin or
other piece of fruit, a piece of candy or cookie, cheese or nuts, or a
slice of vegetable.
Take the food and put it in the palm of your hand or between your
finger and thumb. Look at it carefully. Give it your full attention and
examine it as though you have never seen anything like it before. Roll it
gently between your thumb and forefinger. Explore it with your fingers.
Look carefully at the parts that might catch the light, and at all the little
grooves and ridges or irregularities. Explore every single nook and
cranny of it.
And if, while you are doing this
exercise, thoughts enter your mind
such as “This is stupid!” or “What
on earth is the use of this
exercise?” or if other thoughts
about another topic come, simply
acknowledge them and redirect
your attention back to your food.
Now smell it, holding it right
under your nose, and with each
breath you take, notice the smell.
Slowly move it towards your
mouth. You may feel your mouth
beginning to water.
UNDERSTANDING EMOTIONS
Put it in your mouth and notice what your mouth feels like, with the food
in it. Let it lie on your tongue a little. Then bite down on it deliberately,
noticing the taste that is released. Chew on it slowly, notice whether
more saliva enters your notice whether more saliva enters your mouth,
and whether the food gradually begins to feel different in your mouth.
Chew slowly, savoring each bite. When you are ready to swallow your
food, be aware of it going down your throat and into your stomach.
Notice that in your mouth the last remnants of the taste of the food may
still linger. Each day this week, practice eating something with
complete attention: a piece of cheese, an apple, a piece of candy.
Practice with a food that you like.
You can expand this exercise to include other routine actions, such as
brushing your teeth, shopping, driving, getting dressed, and so forth. The
point is to be completely focused on the present experience, even when
there does not seem to be any important meaning to it. Such exercises
are meant to help you learn to be present and attentive to yourself and
your environment in the moment, a necessary skill for reflecting and
keeping yourself grounded.

HOMEWORK SHEET 1
IDENTIFYING AND UNDERSTANDING EMOTIONS:
UNDERSTANDING EMOTIONS

1
Make sure you can identify in yourself or in others the eight basic
emotions listed in the beginning of the chapter. Name one or two
emotions below with which you feel comfortable.

2 Name one or two emotions that you never or very rarely

experience, or of which you are afraid or ashamed.

Describe an impulsive urge to act (do something) that you might

experience when you are faced with a difficult emotion. For

3 example, when you feel lonely, you feel the need to make the
feeling go away by any means possible, even though you know
that the behavior is not good for you in the long run, such as
drinking, self-harm, (binge) eating.

4
List one or two healthy ways of coping with the feeling you
described in #3 above, even if you have not been able to use
them yet.
UNDERSTANDING EMOTIONS

5 Name any emotions you might judge as “bad” in yourself or others

and state why you think they are negative.

6
Do you find that pleasant feelings such as happiness, pride, fun, or
joy are negative for you? If so, describe what is negative for you
about those feelings.

7
Name any emotions that some parts of you might experience and
other parts do not. Describe your reaction to those emotions.
Describe the reactions of other parts of you to those emotions.

8 Please describe as best you can what you are concerned about or
fear if you experience a certain emotion that you now avoid.
UNDERSTANDING EMOTIONS
HOMEWORK SHEET 2
SENSORY EXPERIENCE OF AN EMOTION:
Choose one emotion and describe how you experience it in as much
detail as possible. Feel free to use metaphors, images, and descriptions
of sensory experiences. Use the suggestions below as a guide. There
are no right or wrong ways to describe your emotion.

Sensations that Accompany Emotion: tingly, tense, warm, cold,

shivery, sweaty, dizzy, burning
Colors, such as ice-blue, red-hot, sunny yellow, dreary grey, pitch-
black
Sensations such as bitter, sweet, sour, rough, soft, hard, smooth
Shapes such as round, square, twisty, ball, triangle, rope, blob
Metaphors such as “like a storm”; “like a big black hole in my chest”;
“like a tornado”
Creative Arts: painting, drawing, doodling, mandalas, collages
Writing: keep a journal about your feelings or write a story or
poetry
Music: make a collection of music that expresses your emotion
Movement: explore finding a particular posture or movement that
symbolizes your emotion

As you reflect on the sensory experiences above, explore how you might
be able to change them to feel better. For example, if you experience
an emotion as a hard black ball in the pit of your stomach, ask yourself
what the ball wants to do or what it needs. Does it want to be thrown?
To change color? Does it want warmth? To be held in your hands? To
dissolve into light? Does it have something to say? Does it want to
uncurl and stretch out? Does it prompt a movement in your body, a
change in posture? Be creative and trust yourself, and get help if you
feel stuck in your exploration. Also make sure you are staying within
what is tolerable as you explore. If you have trouble doing so, stop and
ask for help from your therapist.