1. Why don’t skeletons fight each other?
Because they don’t have the
guts.
2. What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta.
3. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? Because they might crack up.
4. How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.
5. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding
in his field.
6. Want to hear a joke about construction? I’m still working on it.
7. Why don’t seagulls fly over the bay? Because then they’d be bagels.
8. What do you call a factory that makes good products? A satisfactory.
9. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two-tired.
10. What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work? A can’t
opener.
11. What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just
let out a little whine.
12. Why did the golfer bring an extra pair of pants? In case he got
a hole in one.
13. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad
dressing.
14. How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it.
15. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese.
16. What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth-hurty.
17. Why did the math book look sad? It had too many problems.
18. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
19. Why are elevator jokes so good? They work on many levels.
20. How do you organize a space party? You planet.
21. What did one wall say to the other? "I’ll meet you at the
corner."
22. Why couldn’t the leopard hide? Because he was always
spotted.
23. What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
24. Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don’t work.
25. Why did the chicken go to the séance? To talk to the other
side.
26. Why don’t oysters donate to charity? Because they’re shellfish.
27. What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato.
28. Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
29. Why did the computer catch a cold? Because it left its
Windows open.
30. What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers.
31. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
Supplies!
32. Why do fish always know how much they weigh? Because they
have their own scales.
33. Why don’t mountains get tired? Because they peak
performance.
34. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
35. Why don’t ants get sick? Because they have tiny antibodies.
36. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
Frostbite.
37. Why did the man get hit by a bike every morning? He was
stuck in a vicious cycle.
38. What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
39. How do trees access the internet? They log in.
40. Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it wasn’t
peeling well.
41. How does a scientist freshen their breath? With experi-mints.
42. Why don’t you ever see elephants hiding in trees? Because
they’re really good at it.
43. What do you call a belt made out of watches? A waist of time.
44. What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college?
Bison.
45. Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon? Because she will let it go.
46. Why did the man put his money in the blender? He wanted
liquid assets.
47. Why don’t jokes work in the jungle? Because the lions always
roar with laughter.
1. Why did the cookie cry? Because his mom was a wafer too long.
2. What kind of car does an egg drive? A Yolkswagen.
3. Why do ducks make great detectives? They always quack the case.
4. What’s a pirate’s favorite exercise? The plank.
5. How do cows stay up to date? They read the moos-paper.
6. Why do chicken coops only have two doors? Because if they had
four, they’d be chicken sedans.
7. What did one plate say to the other? "Lunch is on me!"
8. Why did the grape refuse to fight? He didn’t want to be crushed.
9. What’s the best way to watch a fly fishing tournament? Live stream
it.
10. Why did the belt get arrested? It was holding up a pair of
pants.
11. How does the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it.
12. What do you call a nervous javelin thrower? Shakespeare.
13. What did the big flower say to the little flower? "Hey, bud!"
14. Why was the broom late? It swept in.
15. What do you call a singing laptop? A Dell.
16. Why did the skeleton stay calm? Nothing got under his skin.
17. What’s a cat’s favorite color? Purrr-ple.
18. Why did the tomato break up with the carrot? It saw him
peeling around.
19. Why did the smartphone need glasses? It lost its contacts.
20. How do pickles enjoy a day off? They relish it.
21. What’s a bee’s favorite haircut? A buzz cut.
22. Why do cows love telling jokes? Because they crack
themselves up.
23. What’s a tree’s least favorite month? Sep-timber.
24. Why do bakers always feel stressed? They have too much on
their plate.
25. What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A
thesaurus.
26. Why did the barber win the race? He knew all the shortcuts.
27. Why was the calendar so confident? Its days were numbered.
28. What’s a ghost’s favorite fruit? Boo-berries.
29. Why did the shovel break up with the rake? It felt like it was
being used.
30. Why do frogs never get sad? Because they eat whatever bugs
them.
31. What’s a skeleton’s favorite instrument? The trom-bone.
32. What did the scarf say to the hat? "You go on ahead, I’ll hang
around."
33. Why did the snowman go to therapy? He had a meltdown.
34. How do you stop a bull from charging? Cancel its credit card.
35. Why did the banana go to school? It wanted to be a little
brighter.
36. What’s an astronaut’s favorite board game? Moon-opoly.
37. Why was the fisherman so good at his job? He had a reel
talent.
38. What did one eye say to the other? "Between you and me,
something smells."
39. Why did the math teacher break up with the calculator? There
was no chemistry.
40. What’s a clock’s favorite snack? Second-hand sandwiches.
41. How does a scientist freshen their house? With experiments.
42. Why did the music teacher go to jail? She got caught
conducting herself badly.
43. What did the janitor say when he jumped on stage? "Mop up
the crowd!"
44. Why don’t birds use social media? They already tweet enough.
45. How do mountains stay warm? They wear snow caps.
46. What’s a zombie’s least favorite room? The living room.
47. Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? Because they
lactose.
48. Why was the belt so good at his job? He always held things
together.
49. What’s a baker’s favorite type of joke? A kneady one.
50. How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
