there’s a TREASURE TROVE of KNIGHTS OF

THE DINNER TABLE material in our vaults —

just WAITING to be UNEARTHED!!

back issues! trade paperback

compilations like BUNDLES OF
TROUBLE and TALES FROM THE VAULT!!!

ALL AVAILABLE IN PDF FORMAT!!

download direct at www.kenzerco.com

Every Bundle of Trouble, Vault & Back Issue

is now available in PDF
including the newest Bundle of Trouble #46

http://tinyurl.com/kodtcompilations
CONTENTS
ISSUE 213: THE SILVER CONQUEROR
REGULAR COLUMNS
41 Gamer Pulpit In Defense of Lawful Stupid
DEPARTMENTS by John D. Kennedy

4 Cries from the Attic 51 Tales from the Table

Actual tales from the tables of our readers
Editorial of a madman
55 Web Scryer
by Ken Newquist Gen Con Ho!

6 Table Talk: Letters Page 56 The Indy Game Scene

Our readers talk back Mobile Frame Zero by Ashok Desai

GAMEMASTER’S WORKSHOP
59 Back Room at the Games Pit
An opinion arena where 43 Casting Call
readers can sound off Bross Slattor by Derek Kagemann

44 Deadly Trappings
Stone Survivor by Derek Kagemann
62 Weird Pete’s Bulletin Board
Classified ads, personals 46 Denizens of Tellene
and other strangeness Poppy Moonwillow, Farfo Tallowfoot by Barb Blackburn

48 All Things Magic

Chasers of Fortune by James Butler

49 Bait & Tackle

Adventure hooks on the fly

SPECIAL FEATURES
REVIEWS
53 Lost Game Safari
by Andy Miller
Mechwarrior

58 Off the Shelf

33 Three sides of a genre: Zombies
by Noah Chinn

Fortean Gaming

by Chris Lites
60 Brian’s Picks
Adventuring into the world of
Advanced Sorcery, Chains to
urban legends and amazing
Champions, and World War Cthulhu
theories

© Copyright 2014, Kenzer and Company, All Rights Reserved. Knights of the Dinner Table® magazine
(ISSN 1526-307X) is published monthly by Kenzer and Company, 511 W. Greenwood Ave., Waukegan, IL 60087.

LEGAL NOTICE: Knights of the Dinner Table, HackMaster and Kingdoms of Kalamar are registered trademarks of Kenzer and Company. The Silver Conqueror, All Things Magic, Back Room at
the Games Pit, Bait and Tackle, Board Squawk, Brian’s Small Press Picks, Celebrity Hack, Cries from the Attic, Deadly Trappings, Disks of Wondrous Power, GameMasters’ Workshop, Game
Mechanic, Gamer Pulpit, GameVine, Gaming the Movies, Gary Jackson Files, Hacklopedia of Beasts, Hard Eight Enterprises, kenzerco.com, KODT, Lookin’ at Comics, Off the Shelf, One-Two
Punches, Parting Shots, Players’ Advantage, Radio Free KODT, Retro-KODT, RFKODT, Rustlers of the Night, SpellJacked, Summon Web Scryer, Table Talk, Tales from the Table, The Gamer’s
Rant on the Movies/TV. The Good, the Bad and the Ugly, The “Indy” Game Scene, the Kenzer and Company Logo, The Quotable Gamer, Weird Pete’s Bulletin Board, W.W.A.G.D. and all promi-
nent characters and likenesses thereof are trademarks of Kenzer and Company.

2 Knights of the Dinner Table® #213

 ®
COMIC STRIPS
KNIGHTS OF THE DINNER TABLE
PUBLISHER Kenzer and Company
8 The Puppet Master
EDITOR-IN-CHIEF
10 Come Away With Me... Jolly R. Blackburn • jolly@kenzerco.com
15 Fangaerie Burning ASSISTANT EDITOR
18 Morning Trouble Tickets Barbara Blackburn • barb_blackburn@kenzerco.com
20 The Note KODT DEVELOPMENT TEAM
23 It Ant Me Babe Jolly R. Blackburn • Steve Johansson
David S. Kenzer • Brian Jelke • Barbara Blackburn (+1)
24 Enlighten Me
HACKMASTER EDITOR Steve Johansson • steve@kenzerco.com
27 Pardon My French
KODT STRIP ART Jolly R. Blackburn
29 Baddle Buddies
COVER ART Fraim Brothers
32 Spill The Beans
CONTRIBUTING ARTISTS
63 One-Two Punches Brendon Fraim • Brian Fraim • Bill “Indy” Cavalier
• Noah Chinn • Larry Elmore • Jim Wampler
OTHER TOONS
CONTRIBUTING WRITERS
45 Fuzzy Knights by Noah Chinn
Kenneth Newquist • Noah Chinn • Ashok Desai
61 SnarfQuest™ Andy Miller • Barbara Blackburn • Chris Lites
Larry Elmore Jolly R. Blackburn • Larry Elmore • Carolyn Stogdill
• John D. Kennedy • James Butler • Derek Kagemann
64 Additional Cartoons
Benjamin Pierce • Paul Shiner • SALES/MARKETING Jennifer Kenzer • jennifer@kenzerco.com
Michael MacNeill • Jim Wampler SUBSCRIPTION SERVICES orders@kenzerco.com
ADVERTISING Steve Johansson
steve@kenzerco.com • 847.662.6600
CHARMED PERSONS
Kevin Vance • Jack Grayson • Craig Zipse

ABOUT
PRINTED IN U.S.A.
THE COVER
Postmaster: Send address changes to:

The Fraim Brothers are back Knights of the Dinner Table

with another Frazzeta tribute. 511 W. GREENWOOD AVE, WAUKEGAN, IL 60087-5102
We were delighted when we E-Mail: questions@kenzerco.com • Phone: 847.662.6600
first saw this piece come across World Wide Web: www.kenzerco.com
our desks. We can’t see what Submissions: We accept submissions for strip ideas, jokes, cartoons,
etc. We are interested in running anything that other gamers and fans
they come up with next. would enjoy. Check out our website for writer’s guidelines.

Subscriptions: A standard 12-issue monthly subscription is only

$77.99 (or $65.99 for slower bulk mail shipping). [US $92.99 for
Canada or US $117.99 for other foreign locations.] 6- and 24-issue
subscriptions are also available.
To subscribe, order by credit card at our online store at
HTTP://WWW.KENZERCO.COM or send a check or money order (made
D T ™ was accidentally created by Jolly R. Blackburn
K NIGHTS OF THE INNER ABLE
way back in 1990 as ‘filler’ for his small press magazine, Shadis. It was
something of a ‘creative burp’ and Jolly really didn’t give it much thought.
payable to Kenzer and Company) to:
Kenzer & Company KODT Subscriptions,
Perhaps that’s why he was just as surprised as anyone that soon KODT was 511 W Greenwood Ave. Waukegan, IL 60087
overshadowing everything else he’d ever done and that the created was now
Back Issues: Older issues and other KODT merchandise are avail-
controlling the creator. The Knights have gone far beyond anything Jolly or the D-Team (David able for direct purchase on our website at HTTP://WWW.KENZERCO.COM
Kenzer, Brian Jelke, Steve Johansson and Barbara Blackburn) ever imagined. In 2006, Jolly was
inducted into the Hall of Fame. Now, with over 213 issues and over 65 trade paper backs under ATTENTION RETAILERS: If you are having difficulty getting our
their belts, it’s been a wild ride and we look forward to seeing where the Knights take us next. product (including back issues and RPGs) please call or e-mail us.

3
 WARP FACTOR 9 — ENGAGE!
s, I write this we are gearing up for our largest event of the year —

A GenCon!! It’s been a busy month. Not only preparing for the con but
getting ahead on the production of Knights of the Dinner Table.
The last six weeks have been a wild ride.
Currently there are two issues of KODT at the printing (one just arriving
and one a few days away from shipping to our docks). The issue you hold in
your hands will be fast on their heels.
Did, I say THIS month has been crazy busy? Well, next month promises to
be even busier. For not only will we be on the road for a week in Indianapolis
at the “Best 5 Days in Gaming”™ but we’ll be leaving directly from Indy the
last day of GenCon and heading down to Brandenburg, Kentucky for the nine
day shoot of the Knights of the Dinner Table Live Action series.
D20-Entertainment will be filming three episodes of the series. back to
back (twenty-two to twenty five minutes each). It’s all very surreal (and very
exciting) for me personally. Above: Psst — super secret page from the
Knights of the Dinner Table shooting script. Possible spoiler.
The scripts have been finalized (and story boarded), wardrobes are being
approved, Pete’s VW microbus has been secured, props are being gathered. on board is enthused. But wow — it’s all so daunting for a newbie like me.
In short, dozens of people are scrambling behind the scenes on the produc- We’ll be taking photos on the set and behind the scenes — look for an
tion side. We’ll be there for creative input and to ensure what shows up on exclusive pictorial/report in Knights of the Dinner Table #214 or 215!
the screen is true to our vision. Yeah — no pressure there, right? Enjoy the issue in hand! And, oh — many thanks to everyone who sent
I very much feel like an expectant parent hoping our creative child has all atta boy’s regarding, KODT’s 25th birthday. Much appreciated.)
its fingers and toes. I mean does anyone REALLY set out to make a bad Game on Folks! And may all your hits be crits!
movie? Of course not — anyone making a film has high hopes and expecta-
tions. Which is why the words of one reader keeps running through my head.
“Don’t screw this up, guys...!” Jolly Blackburn
That said everyone here has very good feelings about this. It all seems July 30th, 2014
magical. I feel we have the right cast, the right studio/director, etc. Everyone

TWENTY YEARS AGO THIS MONTH: This strip appeared in SHADIS MAGAZINE # 14
August, 1994. The Knights introduce the concept of the “P.A.C.” system to B.A.

4 Knights of the Dinner Table® #213

yeah, yeah, we got
ALL THAT CRAP!
we accept
PLASTIC!!
oh - and we take
PAY PAL too.!

What’s wrong bub? Can’t find what yer lookin’ for at your FLGS?
What’s that? You don’t HAVE an FLGS in your neck of the woods?
No problem. We can help with that. — you can find all
our available production our online webstore. Including
OUT-OF-PRINT Product in nifty tablet friendly digital format!!
 c’mon -- patty’s as STRAIGHT
LACED as they come - she trust me - c’mon, bob — \ wanna BE
takes the GM’S OATH OF there when BRIAN gets his.
CONFIDENTIALITY pretty serious. two glasses
of RED WINE - \ don’t wanna HEAR
she’d never willingly give up about it, second hand.
SECRETS from b.a.’s campaign. that girl SINGS
like a CANARY.
an alternate? alright,
not in a MILLION YEARS.
really? you’d alright...
especially coz she’s SWEET on him.
DO that to me?

who said any-

thing about
WILLINGLY...? huh...?

happened if I recall correctly). revealed a while back that Patty’s achilles

I love all of the characters (especially the heel is wine. Sheila seems set to exploit that
Black Hands) but Squirrely sort of reminds weakness. I’m loving it.
us that it’s a comic book. I think sometimes No wonder the Knights were so upset
that’s needed (especially considering how their GM was dating another gamemaster.
invested some readers seem to get into the As an aside, I am really impressed with
EDITOR’S NOTE: The mail just stories/characters). So put me down for how the comic book romances in Knights of
never seems to stop. While we more of the Squire. the Dinner Table are being handled. They
make every effort to read each and Steven P.  appear to be sparked naturally (as opposed
every letter, it is not always possible A very valid reason for Squirrely’s presence to being contrived). They also evolve in a
to give a personal reply. Even if your letter isn’t in the comic, Steven. And you are right, the manner that makes them seems very real.
published or if you don’t get a direct response, Squire helps remind us we are reading a comic Other readers have mentioned Bob and
rest assured you are being heard. book. Even as a writer, I find the beer-guz- Shee’s relationship but it’s also true of Chad
Remember, KODT is an interactive zling, smoke belching, talking chimp (well, and Reese (and more and more with Patty
magazine. We want you, the reader, to be Pete and Bob apparently understand him) and B.A. — although something tells me
involved. So keep your suggestions, thoughts helps me remember that fact. He was a happy that budding romance might stall and
and opinions (constructive and otherwise) accident of course. And also my dad’s favorite become more platonic).
coming. Opinions expressed by readers are not character in KODT. So he’ll always have a spot I’m caught up in all the interpersonal rela-
necessarily shared by the editor or Kenzer and at Weird Pete’s counter. I do have a few story tionships between the characters. They’re as
Company. Please be aware that due to space arcs surrounding, Squirrely on the back burner. compelling as the time spent at the gaming
considerations, some letters have been edited No idea when we’ll get to them — Jolly table. I wonder, would a one-off comic fol-
and/or trimmed. — Jolly lowing one or more the characters outside
LOOSE LIPS
I’ve had a feeling for a
SQUIRE LEE while that Patty is going HRAAAAA¡¡¡
I can’t get enough of Squirrely. In fact, to somehow ruin, B.A.’s -spit- -snarl-
I was about to write you guys and tell you campaign by sharing
there hasn’t been enough of the Squire in secrets he’s told her to
recent issues when he received more page Sheila (who in turn tells -s
c
time in the most recent issue. them to Bob.) -s rat
cr ch
at
ch -
-
Squirrely in moderation is probably a good When I read Sheila’s
thing but I’d love to see him front and center comments in 210
in his own story arc again (it’s been almost (Penciled In) I laughed
100 issues since the last time that’s out loud. It was already

HOW TO CONTACT US
: Via ONLINE FORUM — Just pop over to www.kenzerco.com and visit our discussion forums
: via E-MAIL — Send your strip ideas, reader mail, back room fodder and questions to jolly@kenzerco.com
 via SNAIL MAIL — Or write to us at KODT c/o KenzerCo, 511 W Greenwood Ave., Waukegan, IL 60087
: via TWITTER — jollybgood FB: via Facebook — Jolly Blackburn

6 Knights of the Dinner Table® #213

the world of gaming make interesting read- Anyway, it’s something every aging gam-
ing? What does Sara do at work? What’s her ing group has had to deal with. Mom or dad
relationship with her co-workers like? It’s patting a colicky baby while rolling dice,
been revealed she’s dated a couple of co- sippy cups sitting among the chips, beer cans
workers over the years (She once dated a cop and dice and a baby being handed from one
apparently who provided her with a cell parent to another while they move thier
phone). miniature.
Or how about Stevil? We’ve seen him in All sorts of story material there with new
his cubicle at work. I could see some Dilbert parents, I hope you pursue them and Baby
style strips surrounding him. Peeta isn’t kept off panel like B.A.’s mom
Basically, I love the characters in Knights (Peeta - Ha! Funny name).
and I love the writing style and approach to And if it means more Patty’s Perps stories
story telling you guys put out there month all the better! Keep up the good work.
after month. Just saying I would follow them Oh, and Brian better not win this impend-
anywhere. ing battle that’s brewing. Bob and Dave For
Great cover on 210 by the way. Looking the Win! Hey Kids — We’re out
forward to the next issue! Jessie G  of FLGS REPORTS.
Jeff Andrews  Do you have a friendly local
Glad you enjoyed the issue, Jeff. And glad
FEELIN’ CHAD’S PAIN game shop where you pick
up your games, dice and
you approve of the in-strip romances. You are Issue 210 hit very close to home, Jolly. monthly issues of KODT?
right — none of them were exactly planned. Several years ago, I met a girl at the gaming Well we’d like to hear about
As a writer, I often let the characters suggest table. We dated, fell in love and eventually ‘em. So would our readers.
the direction of the on-going narrative. Which moved in together. Snap some photos,
means, I’m often as surprised as the readers . I knew she was a vegetarian before things write a few words and
send ‘em to the Editor!
— Jolly progressed that far but she never made it an
issue — until we had our
PATTY’S PERPS first child. From that OPTIONS...?!! is THAT what you call that
moment on she tried to con- CINDER BLOCK you served me last week?
It was so nice seeing Patty’s Perps again
in the pages of Knights of the Dinner vert me to the Order of the
CINDER BLOCK...¿¡¡
Table (210). Patty is one of my favorite char- Grazing Beasts. It was a real
it was VEGAN
acters and I just love the collection of players battle of the wills. Options oh dear - \ seem LASAGNA - you ASS!
in her group. for meal and snack selections to have sparked
funny you would
some RELATIONSHIP
in our household narrowed drama. SAY that - coz
And my goodness, I guess it HAS been a it TASTED like A...
to a very thin selection —
while since we’ve seen them. Chad and
mostly unappetizing and
Reese had a baby? I approve. One thing
unappealing (to me).
that’s been missing in Knights of the
Needless to say, I was
Dinner Table over the years is the parent(s)
miserable. I feel Chad’s pain.
who game but must also juggle kids.
I really do.
Okay, I take that back. We’ve seen Johnny
Bill S.R. 
K with his kid (what a deplorable dad!).
By L. Lee Lamb 2nd

7
The Puppet Master by jolly blackburn

one evening at the 8-BIT BAR & ARCADE... huh...? oh \’m just working
on CARVIN’ MARVIN’s dialogue.
so what
are you
taking for the GAME tomorrow.
NOTES on...?

he’s not an
EASY role
c’mon, to play
b.a. PUT you know.
that way.

\ thought we
came here
to HAVE FUN. sorry
almost
DONE!

\ have to reach DEEP no - uht uh it takes

and go DARK it’s all oh c’mon, b.a.!! TOO MUCH out of me.
about his WORDS with him.
MARVIN wants \ save it for the game.
and the VOICE of course. to come out
to PLAY!
c’mon... \
huh...? wanna hear it.
oh, \ LOVE
the “VOICE”. oh, um.
p-patty...
do it!!!
who’s the
PUPPET STOP..¡¡¡
MASTER...?
do it
for me!!
DO THE
no -
VOICE
sorry.
FOR ME!!
not tick
le
HERE.

you know - SPEAKING

COME OUT, MARVIN...!! aaah -- yer no fun!! of your game, sara was
telling the other night
DO IT...!! HAA-HAAA¡¡ that BRIAN is ALREADY
p-people are planning out how they’ll
looking at us.... ADMINISTER thier EMPIRE
who’s the PUPPET MASTER...? -SNORT- once they’ve CONQUERED
garweeze wurld.
huh...? who’s the TICKLISH -CACKLE- oh let
LITTLE PUPPET MASTER...?!! ‘em look!
-WHEEZE- she said he was even
JOKING about it calling
it, “BRIAN’S WORLD”.
DON’T..¡¡¡

-tic GAA-HAA¡¡ course, \ don’t

-tic kle- think she was
kle
- -tick -butt AMUSED at all.
l
-tick e- on-
le-

 “yep -- feeling REAL GOOD about sitting this one out. you
could CUT that flavor text with a frickin’ knife it’s so thick.”
Stevil Van Hostel, BoT #43, Bad Day at Bitter Wells

8 Knights of the Dinner Table® #213

 look at me...
B-BRIAN’S WORLD...?
DIVULGING by the way what
r-really she SAID that?
information a about BOB and DAVE...?
player shared
apparently he’s brian’s
with me anything come of
working on MAPS, world, huh...?
to her GM... all those RUMORS...?
spreadsheets on
facilitating post war yeah...? well of ALL
TRADE, appointing \’m so bad. the nerve!
GOVERNORS and...

um.... has their

BIG PLAN
come into
play yet...?

we’ll
just SEE
about THAT...

“BIG PLAN”....? oh PA-LEEZE... if ONLY. the IDIOTS are in HIDING doing NOTHING!!

ya know \ was PROUD of them. \ KNOW

oh, \’m SURE they DID... it’s an UNWINNABLE BATTLE for them but
oh really...?
at SOME point but \’m damn they were REALLY giving it their all.
you don’t think of the OPINION now
they have they’re DEAD IN THE WATER. they RATTLED brian’s cage some by
something up OUTFOXING him that ain’t easy to do.
thier sleeves? and have ALL but given up.

did DAVE really

\ dunno. show up with a
maybe PAPER BAG
FANGAERIE on his HEAD? *
falling swept
any HOPE yeah
they may have -giggle-
thought ‘fraid so.
they had at
the KNEES.

\ dunno, b.a. don’t get \’ve sat behind the

\ think they might have
me wrong, my MONEY is SCREEN a few times.
a few more SURPRISES
STILL on TEAM MARVIN... **
up their sleeves yet.
\ kinda KNOW what
but \ wouldn’t be too time of DAY it is.
QUICK to write the BOYS off. well give
\’ve never me a LITTLE
known BOB credit, patty.
to give up. trust me
\’m tellin’ ya... when \
huh...? SAY this.
they got
something
HUGE in
the works.
bob and dave
have got
NOTHING.

* See KODT #211: Po Po Poker Face When Bob becomes concerned that Dave’s lack of a poker face is a liability he has him wear a paper bag over his head at the game
to mask his facial expressions when plied for information by Team Marvin.
** See KODT #209: Piece of the Action At the Gathering of GMs Meeting (GOG) the local GMs wage a bet on who will the PVP action in B.A.’s campaign.

9
Come Away With Me... by jolly r. blackburn

one morning at the GAMES PIT.

wait - you didn’t go no, nothin’ like that.

PAINT BALLIN’
without a FACE PLATE to be HONEST, it
again - did ya? WAS my fault.
KRIMINEY!!! oh dear...
G-GORDO...?!! is it THAT
obvious, -eep-
what the SAM
FRICK happened still? -sigh-
to YOU....?!!!

\ had HOPED the

GEEZUS, son
SWELLING had
what’s with the
gone down
SCATTER SHOT
ENOUGH nobody
PIMPLES...?!!! i-it’s
would NOTICE.
not CONTAGIOUS
is it...?

L-LIVE PERILS...?!! wait a minute... if you don’t mind...

\ had a LIVE \’d PREFER not
are you sayin’ this had something to
PERILS* MISHAP! to SHARE any DETAILS.
do with the CHIA DUNGEON \ sold ya?

\ guess \ yeah, that’s right. it would be

didn’t READ a MAJOR
the WARNING SPOILER for
LABEL on the well, when \ run the
PACKET properly. are you KIDDIN’ me?
pete... ADVENTURE
what HAPPENED exactly?
for you guys.

then again
it WAS
written in
BELIZEAN
CREOLE.

oh - so you’re not UPSET RETURN IT...?!! are you KIDDIN’...?!!

say if’n you could keep your
or anything like THAT?
JUNGLE LABYRINTH is gonna be little, um, “MISHAP” on the
AWESOME, pete \ can’t WAIT DOWN LO \’d appreciate it.
-whew- thank, gawd...
to run you guys through it.
\’ve got a DOZEN of those
for a MOMENT there...
CHIA DUNGEON starter sets to
gee \ was sort
oh, POSITIVE pete. move. and at $400 bucks a pop?
\ thought you came of EXCITED about
in hopin’ to RETURN it. experiencing it but...
well, you catch my drift.
but yer gonna
are you SURE have to WAIT -
whatever oh... sure pete. \
you GOT isn’t it’ll be a few ACTUALLY just SWUNG
CONTAGIOUS? weeks STILL by to BROWSE
before \ RUN it. your BARGAIN BINS.

\ had to order
a replacement
LIVE PERILS
packet!

* See KODT #212: Drop Kicked Live Perils® One of the advertised features of Hard Eight’s, Jungle Labyrinth: Chia Dungeon™.

10 Knights of the Dinner Table® #213

 oh holy crap, dude... um, yeah, sure.
\’m just KILLING some time while
waiting for the PHARMACY to hey, bob. what HAPPENED something
fill my EPINEPHRINE prescription. to your FACE...!!! like that...

you SLEEP in
\ was just
oh, sure, sure but do ya a BED OF
LEAVING.
MIND makin’ yourself SCARCE...? SUMAC or
dave. something?
hey
guys!!
as in KEEPING a um,
LOW PROFILE...?
okay.

wassup?!!

um, you know what...?

well THERE you two are FINALLY!! \’ve
been DYIN’ to know how the TRY OUTS went. * maybe we should STEP
well...? don’t
into your OFFICE, PETE.
keep me in
you sorry, pete
SUSPENSE.
couldn’t we’ve been BUSY.
pick up ya think he we actually came in to talk
has SWINE did that about THAT and take care
a frickin’ they went WELL enough, FLU or NAME flak of some HMA MATTERS.
PHONE...? \ suppose. we have a something? jack gave me
SECOND ROUND before PAN OUT...? **
we make our FINAL PICKS. oh. good idea BRIAN’s
been SNOOPIN’ around
the past few days tryin’
to PICK UP yer scent.

hey FUR FOR BRAINS... moments later in

wouldn’t do for him pete’s private office...
to see us TALKIN’.
hrooo!!
MAKE
you got that right. YOURSELF
USEFUL.
we need to keep a MAN THE
LID on things for as COUNTER!
LONG as possible.

right. say and if YOU

no more. know who
comes SNIFFIN’ ro’roo
around... okay boys

use the what’cha

BUZZER! got for me...?

* See KODT #212: Commotion on a Hot Tin Roof Bob and Dave conduct the recruiting drive for their army in the racket ball court on the roof of Nitro’s gym.
* See KODT #211: Midnight Rendezvous After voiding the transfer of El Mardico from an unwitting Brian to Dave (engineered by Earl’s deceit), Pete meets with
Flak Jack Monty at the ‘old foundry’ and secures the name of another gamer with a COSM-Inducted player character.

11
 now sixty-five hot damn!!
okay, so first things first.
of this goes so he SIGNED ON...?!!
we’ve got some CASH for ya. toward payin’
down MICHAEL HAA!!! then you DID it...
HUENING’S
HMA DUES *. you got your PORTAL MASTER!!
ooo - money!
well it’s it’s for the
\ LOVE not for HACKMASTER \’ve got a photo- guy was a SHREWD
conversations YOU. ASSOCIATION! copy of his HMA NEGOTIATOR - we paid
that start out CARD and related through the NOSE -
this way. INFO right here. but yeah we got im.

you mean he
then yer SCREWED us.**
in BUSINESS!

eh - you TIPPED YER HANDS, so that part a HUNDRED AND FIFTY is

boys \ WARNED you about of the money to upgrade, B.A.’s GM STATUS.
feedin’ im TOO many details. should make
him LEGIT clearing him to run
a COSM CHARACTER. ***
when you’re the long enough to
ONLY fiddler in TOWN...? WRAP up our oh - right. geezus, boys.
operation.
you get to set yer sure doing
your OWN price. HIM a favor.
so we
well - he’d didn’t
say.... there’s over never SPRING bother
but at LEAST
$250.00 BUCKS here... for it himself. askin’.
you’ve got im.

what’s the
REST FOR...?

-co
-co unt-
un
t-

\ had to SELL a few CHOICE items from

my collection on HACK BAY to scrape that has to happen on
a PLATINUM GM CARD...?? up the DOUGH - \ hope it’s WORTH it. the HARD EIGHT LEVEL

wow - among other typically, from what \’ve

it will heard -- it can take TWO
things that entitles him ahh,
be,
to the HARD EIGHT BRUNCH here’s to THREE WEEKS for
dude.
at GARY CON, as well as b.a.’s REVIEW and so forth.
acess to the GM FILE.
MASTERS LIBRARY online. but as \ told ya before.
now the FEE is
jess to START \ called in a FEW FAVORS.
only TWO gms
STAMP the APPLICATION
in the CHAPTER ¡¡ PROCESS ya under-
have one stand. there’s \’ve been ASSURED
that \ no GUARANTEE it’ll this will be
KNOW of. get APPROVED. resolved
in 48 hours.

-th
u
-s mb
-sh ort- -
uff
le-

* See KODT #211: Midnight Rendezvous The name of gamer given to Pete by Flak Jack Monty. Huening was six months in arrears on his HMA dues.
** See KODT #212: See See Rider Huening forces the boys to sign a boiler plate PC-For-Hire contract in order to secure the services of his character. A contract, Dave
described being akin to a ‘rock band rider’ due to all the demands and minutia.
*** See BoT #45: A Made Man B.A. tells Dave El Mardico has been inducted into COSM, but he’s not sanctioned to run for a COSM character.

12 Knights of the Dinner Table® #213

 for TRAVEL PAPERS
and CAMPAIGN VISAS. HOLY CRAP...¿¡¡
okay... and
the REST of
for those SLATED to ALL THESE...¿¡¡
the MONEY...?
pass through the PORTAL
into B.A.’s MILIEU when hey those
are JUST we’ll be
the SPELL is cast.
the ones we back with
KNOW for MORE after
roger that - and did got ‘em certain are ROUND 2 of
you bring everyone’s RIGHT here. going at TRYOUTS.
PAPERWORK...?
this point.

we thought we’d START the paper- jess seein’ it all here they wanna
work on these now you know, on PAPER... geezus. go HOME...?

to GET THINGS rolling. the SPELL’s gotta

we took up a be CAST AGAIN and
can’t be helped. COLLECTION TRAVEL PAPERS
alright - but now you UNDER- from those have to be
filing THIS many but by the
STAND it’s FIVE on the LIST. PROCESSED for
VISAS is gonna TIME anyone
pieces things DOLLARS a HEAD the RETURN TRIP.
ATTRACT attention...
together the to process the
damn,you got OPERATION will TRAVEL PAPERS... along
SEAN WOLFE? have LAUNCHED. it’s ALL
with the
there.
FEE!!
STA
STA MP¡ and
MP
¡
that’s a STAMP¡
ONE
WAY
TICKET.

and just to be CLEAR... jumpin’ bajeemers. it still

the TRUTH is we expect
hasn’t completely SUNK in...
HEAVY CASUALTIES.
these VISAS are only good for one you’re REALLY gonna MOVE
year of “IN-GAME, IN-WORLD” time. most of these MORONS forward on this aren’t ya?
won’t be comin’ out ALIVE.
if they haven’t made their trips back this is damn
by the time the WINDOW CLOSES...? REALLY straight
we’ll happening! it is, pete! that’s
they’ll be EJECTED yeah, yeah... HANDLE the
why we’re
from the campaign return trip
HERE
world RANDOMLY you EXPLAINED when the alright, alright - jess isn’t it?
and dispersed to... all that PETE. TIME COMES sayin’ things are being
for THOSE SET IN MOTION here -
still drawin’
E-PEES. there’s no TURNING BACk.

alright..?

 “RAISE you…? heh -- fat chance of that. i’m fixin’ to GUT and SKIN you, hoss.
there’s a FIFTY GOLD PIECE bounty on GNOME hides back in HANGNAIL.”
Crutch, BoT #34, One-Two Punches

13
 whoah - HOLD ON! what’s this?
so.... the QUESTION of well we were kinda, sorta, hopin’
the hour, \ suppose is... you’d BREAK the news to ‘im pete.
SHEILA’S on
the LIST...?!! *
he’d take it
have you boys given BETTER -
any THOUGHT as to how um hmmm... \ THOUGHT you
comin’ from boys were going
B.A.’s gonna REACT when YOU pete - you OUTSIDE of
he LEARNS of all this...? \ ‘kinda sorta’ know. all MUNCIE for
FIGURED you OFFICIAL LIKE. RECRUITING...?!!
were THINKIN’ that.

STA wait a minute...

MP
¡
ST EDDIE RAMIREZ
um, SPECIAL
AM STAM circumstances.
P¡
P¡ is on the
LIST too...? **
we had to
make a few
EXCEPTIONS.

no, no hear me out.

NITRO....¿¡¡ oh now, GAWDAMMIT - look, \ PROMISED
myself \ wasn’t gonna try to HORN IN...
haven’t \ EARNED my ticket?
-sputter-
but this is the BIGGEST huh...? you any IDEA what
EARL...¿¡¡¡ DAMN THING to \ had to go through to
happen around FIND your COSM character...?
here since the
GREAT PLAYER
yeah..., about EXCHANGE PROGRAM!!***
what the
that. it’s kinda besides - who engineered
HELL...?!!
COMPLICATED, pete. CARVIN’ MARVIN huh?

\ DON’T WANNA actually,

MISS IT - YOU HEAR? pete , we... ME
THAT’S
WHO¡¡
I WANT
IN¡¡¡

my KNOWLEDGE of CARVIN’ we were actually but we STILL need ONE

MARVIN could be INVALUABLE!! gonna ASK ya - more thing from you
to make it OFFICIAL...
you can’t put a price on that we were just workin’
sort of thing, ya know... up the COURAGE.
yeah...?
yer right.
AND YER LETTIN’ and
PETE...!! what’s
EARL IN...?!! you were...? you’ve
that...?
you’re in! EARNED yer
SERIOUSLY...?!! oh - cool. TICKET, pete.

\ got FIVE BUCKS yeah,

right here for my... dude!

breaking
the NEWS
to B.A....

* See KODT #211: Penciled In Sheila pressures, Bob to let her in on the “Pwn Brian Express”
** See KODT #212: Commotion on a Hot Tin Roof And Eddie does the same thing when notices all the ‘heavy hitters’ showing up for Bob and Dave’s “Ice Cream Social”
*** See Bot #17: Gaming with Strangers in the Dark The beginning of a several issue story arc where Muncie gamers are sent to various GMs tables to play.

14 Knights of the Dinner Table® #213

 Fangaerie Burning by jolly r. blackburn
and barbara blackburn

the following night at the FELTON HOUSEHOLD... the ONLY token opposition left in
the city are, “THE DEFENDERS” the
holy moly \ TEMPLE GUARDS of the GRAND AERIE
don’t BELIEVE it! who, along with the PRIESTS,
she’s going up refused to follow GILEAD’S
in FLAMES!!! orders and ABANDON their posts.

as the JEWEL OF
HOLED UP in the
THE SOULT burns,
BENYARAN TEMPLE
night has been
they are SWORN to
transformed into
DEFEND the relics
HELLISH DAY!!
over the crackling and HIGH ALTAR
and popping of the within to the DEATH!
BURNING timbers the frickin’ ORCS
“BOOM, BOOM DE BOOM” runnin’ RAMPANT
of ORKIN WAR DRUMS on the streets
can be HEARD of FANGAERIE!!
across the CITY.

HOLY CRAP, SARA...¡¡ it’s an IMPORTANT center of trade and

holds a GEOGRAPHICAL position of
\ know you’re rollin’ EVIL, EXTREME strategic IMPORTANCE.

but how ‘bout takin’ it we need to be thinkin’

DOWN a frickin’ notch...? toward the FUTURE - you
what’s know, when this is ALL OVER.
wrong, boys? darn... \ was
geeze - you actually
guys are playin’ hoping we could well sure - once
too HOT in the the future...? we’ve CONQUERED
HARD BALL!! KITCHEN for ya? PRESERVE
the city INTACT. we’re gonna
wanna RULE
aren’t we...?

rebuild...?

\ was kinda hopin’ sorry, brian in HINDSIGHT giving AHK

we could RENAME, TANG and his men TWENTY-FOUR HOURS
fangaerie... of “FIRST LOOTING RIGHTS” for taking
LOTUSORIA...?
POINT was probably a BAD IDEA.*
oh, \ dunno good grief...
he really IS
plotting to make \ was hoping it would
to LOTUSORIA...?
it BRIAN’S WURLD SATIATE their need
for VENGEANCE and satiate?
‘course we
make them MORE
should name hrrrrmph...
time to BURST
MANAGEABLE. they’re
the NEXT
a few BUBBLES GORGING
victory after
\ think and themselves!
JUSTINIA. DEFLATE him
SOME.
we’ve gotta
put a STOP
to this - or
there’ll be
NOTHING
LEFT!!

* See KODT #211: I Hear You Knockin’ But Nobody’s Home After approaching Fangaerie and not meeting any resistance, Team Marvin assumes
Bob and Dave are luring them into a trap and allow Ahk Tang’s men to enter the city first.

15
 don’t forget we need to pursue nor can we leave
GILEAD and DESTROY his ARMY before FANGAERIE without a geesh when did
he can CONJOIN with the GARRISON and a DEFENSIBLE you become such
MELETIAN KINGDOM to the SOUTH POSITION from which to HOLD a NERVOUS NELLY?
WEST and BOLSTER their DEFENSES. IT otherwise the
VACUUM will be FILLED by
someone else and our \’m just pointing out
BACKS will be EXPOSED. we HAVE a plan.
it’s going to be
DIFFICULT as it IS
and NOW that
to PRY old KING alright, plan is in danger
RO’NAAN out of alright. of being DERAILED.
his MOUNTAIN CITY.
heh.
nervous
just
nelly!
sayin’.
and we can’t
SWEEP the rest
of the EDER SOULT
until we do.

oh - and \ hear you, brian. sara, as you are TALKING strategy

don’t forget...
with your BATTLE-NECROMANCER,
LOUD and CLEAR. your SWORD begins to HUM
we STILL don’t
and VIBRATE in its SCABBARD!!
know what ho’kay...?
CHUCKLES and
ELEPHANT MAN
over there are look \’ll go uh oh CARVIN’
UP TO - or even down and have MARVIN is demanding
WHERE they are! a little PARLEY my ATTENTION.
with AHK TANG.

\’ll ask him to

he commands whatever it
REIN in his MEN. now
you to is it can’t
what...? be GOOD.
WIELD HIM!!
before they
COMPLETELY
destroy
the city.

oh geeze... with a “SCHLINGG” and an ANGRY oh gawd here we go.

\ REALLY hate it BLUE GLOW the sword nearly LEAPS
when he comes into your hand as you PULL it forth -sigh- we’re doing the
OUT to PLAY. and RAISE it to EYE LEVEL, sara. BEST we can, marvin.

-sigh- the HILT is HOT in just a MINOR delay while....

your PALM
okay, b.a. you can FEEL,
\ BRACE myself SILENCE, MAGGOT
marvin’s RAGE.
and DRAW marvin. DROPPINGS¡¡

“YOU WASTE YOUR “PLANS”

um, is there
PRECIOUS ARE LATRINE
a PROBLEM?
TIME — MY WIPES TO ME¡¡
BLADE IS
THIRSTY¡¡ YOU WILL
geezus.
HEAR MY WORDS!

I DEMAND
TO BE
QUENCHED¡¡¡

 “geezus -- hardly feels like PAYBACK when we all got

our ASSES kicked. sorta takes the ‘HOODY HOO’ feeling out of it.”
Dave Bozwell BoT #42, Rumble in the Tavern…

16 Knights of the Dinner Table® #213

 FANGAERIE...?!!! BAAAH - \ SPIT ON IT!!
I AM A DESTROYER OF
it is but a STONE upon which the FECES on your HEEL
WORLDS AND OF HOPE¡¡
should be SCRAPED you do not WIELD ME - \ WIELD YOU!

NOT A BUILDER¡¡ DEFY ME AGAIN AND I WILL TAKE A LIMB...¡¡

YOU WILL \ think you

000 -
dude, he PISSED him
COMPLY
is so off, sara.
mine is not an WITH MY someone’s
gettin’ a BAD ASS!
EMPIRE of DEMANDS¡¡ try talking
MEAT SACKS TALKIN’ to...
to him.
but of SOULS
\ have
HARVESTED!!

I SAID
the STENCH of this CITY let their TEARS be
um, b.a.... SILENCE¡¡¡ is OFFENSIVE to me it is a as TORRENTIAL RAIN...!
BASTION OF HOPE for the
\ try SOOTHING YOU PIN WORM MEAT SACKS who INFESTED it.
the sword. their WAILS
INFESTED PIG
of TORMENT
EXCREMENT¡¡ A SYMBOL OF GOOD¡¡
if he feels we as THUNDER!!
need to TALK
\’m perfectly
willing to.... \ wish to DEPRIVE \ WANT the CRAPULENCE
them to ROB them that was FANGAERIE
of that SYMBOL!! BLOTTED FROM THE MAPS!

DEMORALIZING
ALL HUMANITY¡¡¡
INTERRUPT fat
me AGAIN and daaaamn... mage...?
we begin
HARVESTING
fingers from
the FAT MAGE!

let it be a MESSAGE to well that’s that. \’ll send in

not a
the REST of the world... HELL to PULL DOWN the temple of
BUILDER....?
BENYAR and DISPATCH those inside.
that ALL who try to then what’s
RESIST the coming hiS END GAME
you and your MAGE BRIGADE
TSUNAMI OF MY UNDEAD \ WONDER...?
should see to HELPING ALONG
LEGIONS will be SWEPT
the burning of the CITY PROPER.
AWAY in the SAME fashion!

NOW \ want to be on
GET ON the MARCH again geeze - what bug
WITH IT...¡¡¡ by MORNING! crawled up
HIS butt...?!!
THERE’S
WORK TO
BE DONE¡¡

 “ya know -- when you’re driving a THOUSAND head of cattle a THOUSAND

miles… probably not a GOOD IDEA to… DRIVE THEM THERE ON FOOT!!!.”
Nitro Fergueson, BoT Issue #43, Herd Mentality

17
Morning Trouble Tickets by jolly r. blackburn
* suggested by timothy zahn

meanwhile at HARD EIGHT ENTERPRISES...

more than peculiar, son HIGHLY SUSPECT!

a GM PLATINUM CARD application...?

along with eleven

CAMPAIGN TRAVEL VISA forms?

well THAT’S involving players and characters

alarming and from THREE NEIGHBORING chapters...?
you’re SURE
about these yes. and get this, sir
it does seem... and you say
REPORTS, tuley? he owns a COSM fully
peculiar this HUENING sanctioned P.C.!!
DOESN’T it? character
no more afraid suddenly
DETAILS other that’s brought his
than what you IT, sir. BACK-DUES
have HERE?
up to date...?

and ALL this paper work well \ ran the HMA membership well WHAT in
was filed through number of the GM reported in that the hell are we
the same HMA SITE. call against this PAPER WORK PAYIN’ him in
PRODUCT for...?
there was a MATCH!! against
the PLATINUM CARD application! whatever’s
the GAMES in the WORKS
PIT in here is BIG!!
MUNCIE. oh...? now that IS interesting.

something’s DEFINITELY
brewin’ down there. but what?
the HELL you say... and we had to STUMBLE you get in TOUCH with him
not a WORD,
across it blindly...? through CHANNELS tell ‘im
from him, sir.
that’s not all sir, what the hell is not even a PEEP. to get on the BALL and put his
that CALL that came our MAN IN MUNCIE EAR to the frickin’ ground!!
THROUGH the SUPPORT doin’ down there? ** perhaps it
LINE a few months back...? hasn’t made or we’re
his RADAR. cuttin’ yes,
about the sir.
two CLASS V him
SENTIENT LOOSE!
SWORDS...? *

good job, TULEY. okay so you got

anything ELSE for me...?
\ want you to keep WONDERFUL!
an EYE on this you hear? yes sir BEV down in exactly how
GRAPHIC DESIGN \ ENVISIONED it!!
\ want ALL future requests finished the HACKER
and FORMS from those JACKS box design. ***
CHAPTERS flagged and
passed through ME she’s hoping you’ll
for personal REVIEW! SIGN OFF on it.

if \ have to go oh great!
she
down there KNOCKED
it out of right... \’ll
MYSELF - \’ll let’s SEE it! the BALL make a
get to the PARK, sir!! NOTE sir...
BOTTOM of this.
um, \ asked
for it to say,
“SWAG INSIDE”
not “PRIZE
INSIDE”...

* See KODT #206 : A Cry For Help — After B.A. unleashes the fury of Carvin’ Marvin at Meat Grinder Rock, his players put in a frantic call to Hard Eight’s Help Line.
** “Our Man in Muncie” — For years mention of Hard Eight having a ‘man in Muncie’ has been mentioned in the strips. His (or her) identity has never been revealed.
*** See KODT #209 : Brushing the Crust Off — Hard Eight revives an old product line gamer snacks that come with prizes inside.

18 Knights of the Dinner Table® #213

 “a PHONE CALL with
oh - speaking of renowned author, what...? you run ONE
HACKER JACKS... TIMOTHY ZAHN”...? session of BOSTON LEGAL
THE RPG and now you
\ came up with OH WOW...¡¡ think you’re a LAWYER...?
another COUPON
to add to the LIST.
how’d you get him ZAHN won’t be makin’
to AGREE to this...? the call, MORON ‚ the
here - PRIZE WINNER will INITIATE it.

\ wrote it sir...? if he didn’t ZAHN made the

who said anything
on the BACK AGREE to call the mistake of putting
about him his CELL PHONE
of this COUPON HOLDER than
AGREEING to it? number on that
COCKTAIL the COUPON’s a LIE! CEASE AND DESIST
NAPKIN. letter he sent
make sure us LAST MONTH.
it gets that’s
on the LIST! FRAUD
isn’t it?

w-WHAT...?!! s-sir.... okay, TULEY - we

and if \’m READING DONE HERE? \ need
is that WISE? him wrong...? oh well. to get back to work.

\ DOUBT mr. zahn wants serves him right

yes - \ think that
us to SHARE that number. for backing out of
about does it, sir.
writing those SPACE HACK
it’s for BUSINESS purposes only. novels for us.
good - see \’m not
DISTURBED for the
hello - this IS business related. NEXT TWO hours --
\ OWE
him one. \ have a few
relax - TIM has a reputation for CHAPTERS for
being FAN FRIENDLY doesn’t he? that new SPLAT
BOOK to knock out.
this is RIGHT
up his ALLEY! roger
that, sir.

moments later...
oh gawd.. will that
OH - sir... \
WOMAN ever give
almost forgot...
me a MOMENT’s rest...?
ms. jackson - she’s
called FOUR TIMES.
ya know - \’m starting
to MISS being, dead.
just as SOON
she said it’s
as \ KILL this
URGENT - alright... alright. bottle of SCOTCH
and DON a
\ PROMISED \’ll give thank COD PIECE.
her you’d her a CALL.
RETURN you, sir.
her call.

 “me…?!! \’m a LITTLE busy at the moment, brian. \ got THREE guys
on me and workin’ with a gushing FEMORAL ARTERY from that CRIT!”
Sara Felton, BoT #48, A Higher Authority

19
The Note by jolly r. blackburn

back at the FELTON HOUSEHOLD...

well, b.a....? but we don’t seem to be
\’m also sending out a pair of SCRYING what’s the DEAL...? getting any DATA back...
DRONES toward the NORTH, b.a. just
\’ve put out a what about my DRONES
in case these two IDIOTS doubled
LOT of FEELERS to the SOUTH...? anything?
back to THROW us off thier SCENT!
gathering INTEL.

AHK TANG’s been informed HAAA! GO don’t

\ will pay a ONE THOUSAND FISH!!! PUSH it,
noted, G-PEE bounty to the FIRST scout DAVE!!
brian. who PICKS up their TRAIL!

\ hear ya, okay guys THAT’S IT...!!

brian \’ll oh no we’re
have something gonna talk
c’mon BOTH OF YOU. in PRIVATE.
for you in
a MOMENT... other room. FOLLOW ME!!
um, \ think. yeah.
what for...? what gives?

we don’t have you tryin’ to

you got WAX in
alright, guys. \ any ACTIONS PLOT HAMMER
yer ears...? we
NEED to know what don’t HAVE NOW...¡¡ to declare. us, dude?
your ACTIONS are. any ACTIONS.

what’cha yeah - we’re

GOOD!
got for me?

but whadda ya think about

puttin’ up a STATUE of LOTUS
my lord.... lookin’ out OVER the ruins...?
say - \ was
what on EARTH THINKING. you know - to
do you make of THAT?
COMMEMORATE
we LEVEL the the battle...?
city, SURE...

they’re in the FIGHT you want \ um, never

of their LIVES and they’re
should ask mind. just
for the VERY WORLD STALLING
MARVIN’...?!! spit ballin’
itself -- and they \ suspect.
here.
have “NO ACTIONS”...?

 “look -- ever hear the term ‘NOISE DISCIPLINE’ bob…? you MIGHT wanna TRY it
sometime. basic hackmaster 101. you two IDIOTS made MORE racket comin’ down that
corridor than an AEROSMITH ROADIE BUS.” Earl Slackmozer BoT #37, Flip Flop

20 Knights of the Dinner Table® #213

 a few moments later in the LIVING ROOM
ALL SEEING and ALL KNOWING.
NO! not good
enough..!! you can’t keep SECRETS from me.

alright we done told ya, dammit \’m you’re can’t we just say
guys b.a. we’re not the GM! planning we FOUND a hole
doing ANYTHING. something. and we’re IN IT -
TALK!!
just LYING LOW. REMEMBER..¿¡¡ \ want
\ want DETAILS. til FURTHER notice?
ANSWERS!
SPILL ‘EM!! yeah!
\ wanna
KNOW what
you’re doing and
yeah - when we
WHERE you
have an ACTION -
are DOING it!
we’ll let you
KNOW, dude.

look guys... it’s like you said,

we’re PLOTTING. look brainiacs you HEARD brian.
\ GET it you’re
STALLING. that’s all he’s got SCRYING DRONES out
trying to DETECT you guys. not
POSTPONING to MENTION, orkin scouts.
the INEVITABLE. we’ll be ready to
make our MOVE
soon enough.
but that TACTIC as well as a BATTERY of LOCATION
is wearing thin. and DETECTION spells \ can’t
make a RULING as to what, if ANY,
information he would GLEAN
without having some DETAILS.
doing “NOTHING” we’re not
doing NOTHING.
isn’t a FREE
LICENSE to keep and, dave...
hitting the
PAUSE BUTTON. how ‘bout
we LOSE the
\’m not LEAVING PAPER BAG..?!
this room til \ get
your ACTIONS.

that’s just it NOTHING has we’re STOCKED up with what sort of plans...?
changed. we’re STILL holed up enough food for a MONTH.
in KRYKER’S HOLE - just \ NEED to know. rumor has
down summit of MT. SILEST. we have a SMALL entourage it you’re planning something,
to fight off any NASTIES “BIG” -- \ need to know what.
when we that might still be you
CLEANED that LINGERING around... soon,
want an
crawl out ACTION? b.a., soon.
EIGHT YEARS ago \ can’t properly
and we’re KICKED back, it’s on a
you went ON and \ roll
ADJUDICATE if NEED to
workin’ on our PLANS over and
ON about how the \’m in the DARK. KNOW basis
and AVOIDING the BELCH!
surrounding at the moment.
LIGHT OF DAY!
NATURAL STONE
was IMBUED with
ANTI-MAGICAL
ENERGIES.

brian can’t
DETECT us -
we’re under a
ROCK and we’re
STAYING there.

 “funny thing about that COUPON… ya see -- \ had it in my shoe -- and when \ pulled
it out… yeah -- you now… for SAFE keeping? sorry, shee. \’m cursed with SWEATY FEET.”
Bob Herzog, BoT #37, The Power Lunch

21
 HOW ABOUT THIS, GUYS...? WHAT...?!! oh c’mon, B.A....
well... whadda ya think...?
you give me something \ can y-you wouldn’t do that.
RULE ON or \ relegate BOTH \ think we’re gonna
your characters TO NPC we’re JUST askin for a have to give it to him, dude.
STATUS and RUN them myself...? little TIME - that’s all.

oh \ WOULD. yeah - \
and \ WILL. suppose so.
so what’s it
hmmmm...? gonna be..?
\’ve got a
now HOW GAME to get da-a-a-mn!
would back to.
THAT be...?

but we might as well a NOTE...?!! from PETE?

give it to ya NOW.
well... we we’re gonna umm - \ don’t understand.
WAIT and slip this to here ya go, b.a.
you AFTER the game...
it’s a
huh...? NOTE... what’s this got
to do with MY it’s an HMA
what is it? campaign...? matter, b.a.

we took the LIBERTY of

an APPOINTMENT?
making you an
appointment with him now why
on MONDAY at 11 a.m. guys....? does this
we’d CONCERN me...?
what’s PREFER you he’ll have
this DISCUSSED it ALL the
about? with PETE. DETAILS.
try not
to be
late.

 “nothing personal. my PEOPLE are a SIMPLE hillfolk. it’s

part of our CULTURE to RENEGE on our DEALS. heh. heh.”
Bob Herzog, Bundle of Trouble #21, The Meddlers of Kataan

22 Knights of the Dinner Table® #213

It Ant Me Babe by jolly r. blackburn
meanwhile back at HARD EIGHT...
just get whatever
oh, \ have NO DOUBT of you
it is OFF your
don’t use being BUSY makin’ a
what HEIDI...? chest so \ can get
that TONE with MESS of THINGS as USUAL!!
back to work.
WHAT...¿¡¡ me THADEUS...
\’m calling, gary
OKAY...?
because \’ve
got the
kinda boys in LEGAL
busy crawling
\’m here. up my ASS!
SEETHING here
- trust me. you
do NOT want and now...
to PUSH it.
\’m about
to CRAWL
UP YOURS!!!

we’re getting a flood of PERUVIAN

COMPLAINTS - ANT BITES!! RED-LEGGED
LEGAL..? what’s that FIRE ANTS!!!
got to do with me...? your CONTACT in BELIZE known
apparently saw fit to... for their

z
AGGRES-
SION!
PERUVIAN oh not
FIRE ANTS, wait - did just ants...
THADEUS!! you say,
ANT BITES? and EXTREMELY
strong
MANDIBLES...

come
again...? apparently
CAPABLE of
EATING their way
through their
“LIVE PERILS”
SHIPPING POUCHES!

t-that’s RIDICULOUS... um..., \’m sorry crackle... holy

HEIDI yer um, pop... hiss... #@&*!
we have a WAREHOUSE BREAKING UP...
FULL of those sets.

we haven’t had GARY...¿¡¡

any ISSUES, babe...
um, \’m don’t do
LOSING this to me.
none! don’t you YOU... seconds later...
BABE me... call down
to the
TULEY...¡¡ WAREHOUSE...
CLI
this is BAD, CK¡
¡
thadeus - a UPS yes
sir...?
DRIVER ran his
TRUCK in a DITCH have WES
yesterday after report to me.
BEING swarmed! NOW...¡¡¡

 “UGLY DICE are lucky, sara. everyone knows that. they have to work HARDER to WIN your love.”
Dave Bozwell, BoT #42, Little Ape Lost

23
Enlighten Me by jolly r. blackburn

a few days later at the GAMES PIT...

sorry, dude
make it yer gonna hafta
FAST! \’m on WAIT for PETE to
my BREAK. give you the
DETAILS.

cut the CHIT

dude you had CHAT, guys
hey, b.a. where the
us WORRIED.
you MADE it!! hell is PETE..?
we thought he said he’d
you might be JUST a
not show. few MINUTES.
\ wanna KNOW
what this is
ABOUT!

okay, pete \’m listening. just have your

ahhh you’re ALL here!!
a seat, b.a. clients...?
just WHAT does this
great we have to do with MY game...? \ need to TALK with who..? bob
can get STARTED! my CLIENTS first. and dave..?

aht, yeah but...

aht, aht,. it’ll ONLY
be a
all in good MOMENT.
time, b.a.

please.

\’m wearing
my HMA
REGIONAL
DIRECTOR ‘s
hat, ba.

please - take a seat.

\’ll be RIGHT with you.

c’mon, boys
step into
my OFFICE. right behind

z ya PETE.

what the
HELL...?!!

 “okay, guys -- NEW house rule. NO CELL PHONES at the game. UNBELIEVABLE -- you REALLY
take the CAKE -- you KNOW that? dave -- ANY information bob may have managed to CONVEY…
you’re to IGNORE it. -- if \ even THINK you’re acting on it i’ll hit you with DEMERITS
so hard your NEXT five characters will FEEL it.” B.A. Felton, BoT #35, Hug Fest

24 Knights of the Dinner Table® #213

TWENTY MINUTES LATER... moments later... okay... so
first, off, b.a.
alright, b.a.
do you happen to

r
you can COME in now.
have your HMA GAME
MASTER card with you?
so... how do
he’s
ya think he’s well of COURSE.
gonna
gonna take it? but you mind
FREAK,
dude. telling me...?

save your
questions please.

you boys
may \
can have
SEE it?
a seat.

\’ll bring,
b.a. up
to SPEED.

hmmmm... you when you DO - stop by.

LAMINATED it? mmm hmmm -- lucky for you, you
haven’t had a TABLE AUDIT, hmmmm?
you DO realize that’s \’ll need to STAMP
not AUTHORIZED... \’m over-lookin’ it today - the NEW card as well.
but um, see that you REPLACE it. okaY

here ya go,
sooner sure pete. SLUGGER.
rather
than sure.
LATER...
and
congrats!
P
oh, um... my STAM
MOM washed it -
it was
fallin’ apart.
\ was just makin’
it LAST til \
RENEW at the
end of the year.

w-whadda ya mean it’s so CARVIN’ MARVIN he’s

w-whoah!! “TAKEN CARE OF”...? comprised of two CLASS V
SENTIENT SWORDS - melded.
PLATINUM STATUS...¿¡¡ we’re gonna get to that.
correct...?
h-hold on, pete.... well, yeah but
first, \ have a few
this is a MISTAKE. \
don’t have the CASH to...
NOTATIONS to make
on your file -
z you KNOW that.
lessee, with SOUL
\ need to make sure SEETHING and
everything’s CURRENT. relic abilities 4...

aht... all subtable

taken care A, and C.
of, b.a. -scr
ib
-scr ble-
ibble
-

 “there’s no way in HELL \’m playing ROBIN to your FATMAN. \ don’t do SIDE KICKS -- remember?”
Stevil Van Hostel, BoT #35, Cirque Bizzaro

25
 so everything’s REFLECTED here...? c’mon, pete what’s
mother
with all the questions...?
mary joseph...
well MARVIN recently ACCESSORIZED...
exactly WHY
am \ here...?
he added the POMMEL like givin’ DON
STONE OF THE GILDED LICHE *. RICKLE’s an AK47...
okay, b.a.
\’m fine,
the P-POMMEL STONE of.... pete.
\ suppose it’s
REVEAL TIME.
just GIVE
it to me.
- you might
ble
rib le- wanna take a
-sc ribb
-sc SEAT before
HEARING this.

FIFTEEN MINUTES LATER...

WHAT...¿¡¡ g g
gee - it’s \ was

SLAAAM¡¡¡
AWFULLY quiet thinkin’ the
in there. SAME
thing dude.

now hold
on, b.a.
SIT DOWN!!
there’s MORE...
COME -pant-
-wheeze-
BACK¡¡¡ -pant-

moments later...
that actually went
a little BETTER
than \ EXPECTED...
SLAAAM¡¡¡

um, yeah.
well it’s

g g
DONE, boys. we
NOTICED.

* See KODT #208: Marvin Speaks Out Carvin’ Marvin orders a side trek to the HOSU Academy near Fangaerie to seized the Pommel Stone of the Gilded Litch, a major
artifact that increases his control over the undead.

26 Knights of the Dinner Table® #213

Pardon My French by jolly r. blackburn
and barbara blackburn

the FOLLOWING day at NITRO’S GYM

\ certainly HOPE so.
\ don’t wanna come off
\ just got TURNED sounding like a WHINER...
AWAY again from the
excuse me, mr.
RACQUETBALL court. but this is the THIRD TIME!!
fergueson...?
EDDIE’s blockin’ the DOOR!
what USE
is the SIGN-
oh, \ UP BOARD
see. if it isn’t
HONORED?

aah, yes,
MR. FILSON....
can \
HELP you...?

oh... that yes, of course. -sigh- are you going to be a

that hardly seems fair.
PROBLEM, again, mr. filson?
my apologies, mr. filson.
and for what...?
couldn’t be HELPED. why can’t they use the
AN ICE CREAM SOCIAL...?
VOLLEYBALL COURT...?
TOMORROW...?
try again, \ thought this nobody EVER uses it.
TOMORROW. \ don’t
was a GYM!!
UNDERSTAND...
tomorrow,
mr. filson.
what am \ g’day.
paying
DUES for..?

sorry we’re late.

well, well... BOB forgot he had

cripes to WATCH hunter
that’s the look today we had we stopped
THIRD HEY, and picked up
who’s HERE... go ALL the way
COMPLAINT NI’TWO!! CRULLERS...
back to FETCH
today. the little guy.
want ONE?

 “oh, for crying out loud. you can’t be SERIOUS. this hat is HUGE. it’s CARTOON huge.”
Stevil Van Hostel, BoT #43, Changin’ it Up

27
 no, bob \ DON’T... oh, TRUST ME...
this is a PLACE OF BUSINESS, gentlemen.
this happens to it WILL be!!
be a when \ AGREED to let you use the ROOF-TOP
FITNESS GYM. you know - \ went
COURT, it was SUPPOSED to be a ONE-TIME THING! against my OWN
RULE allowing
these “TRY OUTS”
not a
oh - right. say on the PREMISES. *
frickin’ as in
STAR- ONE DAY! no more, NITRO.
\’m starting
BUCKS!! to REGRET it.
this will
um, be the
pardon my LAST time.
FRENCH,
HUNT...

no worries we’re we better get right.

REALLY...? when is the um,
WRAPPIN’ THINGS up. movin,’ dude.
“BIG EVENT” scheduled to happen?
say, NITRO.
just a FEW more we got
INTERVIEWS and we soon VERY SOON! PEOPLE mind if the
start FINALIZIN’ waiting KID hangs
our LIST!! we’ll keep you UPDATED. for us. with you...?

and the they’re being

CAMPAIGN PROCESSED give
everything’s VISAS..? PETE a call. yours
nearly in might be READY.
PLACE.
g

huh...? but \ HEY this isn’t a FRICKIN’ moments later...

wanna go with DAY CARE CENTER, ya know!!
YOU and DABE!! you speak FWENCH, ni’two...?!!
-sigh- PARDON my mommy’s BOY FWIEND
sorry, HUNT - my french, HUNT. speaks FWENCH too!!
“DABE” and \ have
GROWN UP, stuff to do. c’mon, NITRO - just that’s
only she TWOWS
for a FEW hours - nice, son.
a SHOE at ‘im
you HANG when he DOES IT!
sooner we start the now GET
OUT with SOONER we’re OUTTA here. down off
UNCLE
NITRO!! the COUNTER.
of all let’s GO,
dave!
the...

* Nitro has had a long standing tradition in the comic of not allowing gamers at his place of business (especially his own players) as well as his home.

28 Knights of the Dinner Table® #213

 by jolly r. blackburn
Baddle Buddies with barbara blackburn

later that same afternoon up on the roof... \’d like to give you a little HYPOTHETICAL...

here’s the SITUATION you and the PARTY

just one LAST are FENDING off a group of ORCS who have
question, AMBUSHED you on your way TOP SIDE from
mr. heller and a particularly NASTY DUNGEON CRAWL.
\ think we can
WRAP this up. oh,
the party caller
only you’re getting the has JUST given
WORST of it - the party the FIGHTING okay.
was ALREADY beat up. WITHDRAWAL signal.

you’re
lookin’
okay, at a
SHOOT. POSSIBLE
TPK here.

well if he’s just

you NOTICE the situation. a NAMELESS NPC,
one problem your a common HIRELING...
SQUIRREL-HEADED do you WITHDRAW with
torch bearer is the PARTY and LEAVE him behind...? it might influence
a HALF-WIT HALFLING. my DECISION.

oh, dear. how long have

or do you \ KNOWN him...?
GO BACK to what’s the
during the RESCUE him? little fellow’s
MELEE the FOOL name...?
somehow got
\ dunno his
separated from a halfling
what name is BOBBY.
the PARTY and DIFFERENCE named,
is now does it he’s BEEN with the “BOBBY”...?
BEHIND the MAKE...? PARTY for a WHILE.
ENEMY front.
really?

HE’S CUT OFF!!

boy this is a TOUGH one. what’s your GUT tell you...? leave him BEHIND to his FATE?
so what’s the PARTY MAKE-UP..?
you have to make a JUMP BACK into the FRAY...?
and EVERYONE’s HEALTH status? DECISION quickly
there’s NOT time to
does the MAGE have WEIGH OPTIONS.
oh geeze this
any SPELL POINTS left?
is a TOUGH one.
the GM is
don’t OVER THINK
PUSHIN’ the
it, luke a’ight?
COUNT hard. c’mon \ well, \ - um...
NEED an
just looking he’s not waitin’. answer. \ guess \
for an LEAVE HIM.
ANSWER here.
so QUICKLY!!
no
what do
WAIT...
you do?

 “oh KUDOS, b.a.… KUDOS!!!! what an INCREDIBLE campaign. c’mere ya big LUG. \ wanna KISS you!”
Bob Herzog BoT #42, The Promised One

29
 moments later...
aht aht aht....
w-was that the RIGHT ANSWER...?
SORRY, mr. heller.
well, what’d ya think...?
\ have to take oh there’s no RIGHT or
your FIRST answer. WRONG answers, luke...

dude \ LIKE ‘im.

that should do it. um, okay. \ mean c’mon he runs a

MINOTAUR FIGHTER-MAGE.
we’ll let you KNOW you can
what our DECISION is. TEXT me.
-s grandfathered
-s crib in from the
cr bl yeah, that
ibb e- old 2E RULES.
le IS pretty cool.
-

ya know DESPITE HUNTER...¿¡¡

\ was a little WORRIED when
\ saw he had MAXED OUT his completely SCREWIN’ geezus, kid you scared
PARELY and NEGOTIATE skills. up the MAPPING the DICKENS outta me.
PORTION and ahhh,
the COIN PILE whatta ya
doin’ how’d you get it was
yeah me too. APPROXIMATION exam...
but he passed leavin’ up here, past EDDIE...?!! EASY...
the NPC BEHIND, SLUGGER?
\ was AFRAID
he’d wanna
as well as the \ VOTE he goes
TALK to
SHIRKER test. on the LIST on
EVERYTHING
instead of the FIRST WAVE...
HACKING.
HEY
UNCA \ TWEW a WOCK - and
BOB! when he LOOKED ta
see what it WAS...?
\ SNUCK past ‘im!!

jess like DABE did

to dat ORC GUARD
waast WEEK...

that’s CLEVER, son but, um, \ heard NITWO can \ PWAY, unca bob...?
we’re kinda BUSY up here. talkin’ to
so run along okay? PETE on huh...? CAN \...?!!!
the PHONE
- about a
is THIS about the “BIG SECRET” BIG BADDLE!! oh - whoah, little buddy.
unca bob...? can’t \ STAY...?
\ woan tell anyone. \’m sorry, HUNT.
day said
it’s a you can’t come
BIG SECRET...? - BIG SECRET! along on THIS one.
sputter- now yeah, just
WHAT would you what have awwww...
know about THAT...? you HEARD?
this one’s
great couple for the
of CHATTY CATHY’S. BIG DAWGS.

 “let’s not CANDY COAT it. no offense, dave, but… SOME people
just AREN’T cut out to run MAGIC-USERS. you’re ONE of ‘em.”
Brian Van Hoose, BoT #35, Job Fair

30 Knights of the Dinner Table® #213

 c’mon P’WEASE....?!! NO!!! what the hell are you
THINKING...? - don’t encourage him.

bob’s right, little guy. dude - he’s EIGHT!

this is some
SERIOUS BUSINESS. aaah - he’s just not UP to it.
look at im.
we’re building an
he wants it army of DOOM - we
c’mon dabe...
SO bad. can’t show up with a KID!
ah man - he played the
we’re BADDLE BUDDIES * BATTLE BUDDY card on me.

we hab each udder’s dude, maybe DAVE...¡¡

BACKS - ‘member? we could...

ARE YOU NUTS...?

hey, \’ll take him besides - what’s
under my wing. he’s just a KID - this is BRIAN’S WEAKNESS...?
gonna get VERY UGLY!!
he’ll be MY personal with HEAVY CASUALTIES!!
responsibility. okay? besides being DEATHLY
he looks UP to us, dude. afraid of WOMEN...?

YAAAY..¡¡¡
think how much it
would’a MEANT to you you want
\ can BADDLE -sigh- he has a to USE my
at HIS age to play
make BUDDIES¡¡ with the BIG BOYS. SOFT SPOT nephew..?
him my for KIDS and
PORTER. DOGS, dude.
DAVE SERIOUSLY...?
STOP!!

hey “you NEVER

-sigh-
know when you’ll need
alright, alright... ARMY OF
a GRENADE to lob, or in
DOOM
WHAT FORM it’ll come in.”
my ass...

isn’t that what YAAAY..¡¡¡

GARY says...? \’m PENCILIN’
him in... BADDLE
BUDDIES¡¡
he might be thanks, dude.
GOOD LUCK
- the BILBO
to our
le-
IMPOSSIBLE ribb
QUEST. -sc ibble-
r
-sc

* Battle Buddies: When Bob started running Hackmaster for his nephew and niece, Dave took Hunter under his wing, helping him not to be afraid of the monsters and teach-
ing him the finer points.

31
Spill the Beans by jolly r. blackburn
and barbara blackburn

the NEXT DAY \ wanna go over these

at TIC TAC TACO... POWER ALLOCATIONS okey dokey.
oh GAWD for MARVIN one more time.
sara \’m no... \ am the SPREAD SHEET
gonna hit the ABSOLUTELY you might be RIGHT doesn’t LIE -
FOOD TROUGH STUFFED! he was a LOT less all \’m SAYIN.
again - WANT “MOUTHY” and
anything? CONTROLLING when his
hurry back \ his POWERS were more \’ll be
need to ROLL soon. TAXED - there might be RIGHT
my BREAK is something THERE... back.
almost over.

moments later... oh, hey,

looks like um, yeah if you SAY so.
EDDIE.
we BOTH
had the
SAME idea! oh say \ wanted to THANK
000 -
you \ REALLY appreciate you
hey! guys puttin’ me on the list.
BLACK OLIVE
and BEAN BRIAN!!
CASSEROLE’S oh, you
been restocked... beg yer
PARDON...? know...

what you got on

your PLATE there..?

oh a
YOGURT CUP.

\’m sorta
on a DIET.

z ice cream social...? what the hell

are you talkin’ about, EDDIE? raiding
party...?
you know -
the RAIDING PARTY!!
didn’t bob and dave
tell ya \ made the cut...?

the -ahem-
“ICE CREAM
SOCIAL”. *

2B CONTINUED...

* See KODT #211: Bob and Dave’s secret code name for thier Recruiting Drive meeting.

32 Knights of the Dinner Table® #213

 Fortean
Gaming
by Chris Lites

T
he term Fortean takes it’s name from Charles Fort, an early 20th
Century writer fascinated by the weird and anomalous. While Fort
didn’t always believe the strangeness he investigated, he
approached it with a semi-scientific eye, though not always an unbiased one.

I t (and the term Fortean) has been popularized by

authors, speculators and ranting Internet com-
ments alike. But what has any of this to do with gam-
nothing else, the great, unabashed borrower of ideas
from other mediums. I’m sure we’ve all played an
adventure that bore more than a little resemblance
ing? It’s a source of unusual ideas you can transport to a particular Star Trek episode or popular film.
into your game or genre of choice. From alien ab- I know I have. Hell, I’ve run them. With that in mind,
ductions to the Loch Ness Monster, Fortean phe- let’s see what we can steal from the fringes of the
nomena is a rich junkyard of pop-culture’s castaway collective unconscious.
ideas, one you can mine for surprising story gold. ANCIENT ASTRONAUTS
What follows is an Popularized by Erich von Däniken in his 1968 book
overview of some Fortean Chariots of the Gods?, ancient astronaut theories
phenomena along with even have their own popular History Channel show.
ideas on integrating each The idea has informed everything from the X Files to
into a diverse range of Indiana Jones. The theory, in brief, is that ancient
games and settings. Just be- mankind was visited [possibly genetically engi-
cause it’s all related to our neered] by ancient alien astronauts. The “evidence”
world—however removed for these visitations supposedly appears in diverse
from reality— doesn’t mean cultures throughout the world. Petroglyphs, the
you can’t “borrow” it for a pyramids in Egypt and Mesoamerica, anomalous
fantasy campaign or some- cave paintings and even passages in The Bible are
thing sci-fi. Gaming is, if
33
appropriated to back this theory. Whether you want Perhaps the great leaders from history had help
to buy into or not, it’s fodder for the gaming cannon. from our space
Pack enough weirdness into any GM’s brain, and brothers. Some ancient alien theorists insist
something interesting is bound to come out. In this Alexander the Great saw UFOs, and that said UFOs
way it is perhaps not unlike making sausage. You even brought down the walls at Jericho. Sodom and
don’t want to see how it’s done, but you may very Gomorrah? You guessed it, nuked by aliens. There are
well like the results. sites like Mohenjo Daro in Pakistan that such
FANTASY: researchers swear is proof of ancient nuclear war.
These ideas don’t have to hold up to scientific
Remember Spelljammer? TSR doesn’t have a lock credulity to be in your game; they simply have to
on fantasy space exploration. Perhaps your home-
brew progenitor race comes from outer space.
Alternatively, they might have come from another
plane of existence. Maybe outcast demons from one
of the layers of the Abyss colonized your fantasy
world? What sort of scenario might that create?
The ruins of ancient civilizations populate nearly
all fantasy campaigns and stories. Conan was always
happening upon ruins that were alien-like in nature.
There’s no reason your planet [if indeed your game is
on a planet at all] couldn’t have been visited by
otherworldly beings who took an interest in
civilizing the locals.
Maybe they wanted to breed warriors or merely
needed efficient miners for some rare ore. It doesn’t hold the players’ interest.
matter why; the point is, you give your standard World War II might have been partially fueled by
fantasy game a twist. Those dungeons you’ve been the hunt for ancient alien artifacts. The Nazis were
exploring? They were built by ancient dwarves and alleged to have been involved with aliens and to
elves when the extra-dimensional visitors waged have recovered UFO technology. In World War I
war on the surface. They’re not dungeons, you see, angels supposedly appeared over the trenches at
they’re fallout bunkers. What exactly the fallout is Mons. Maybe these were aliens trying to stop man
comprised of remains up to you. Dark Sun was from such pointless slaughter?
basically a fantasy version of Mad Max. Maybe aliens Let’s turn the whole idea around though. What if
did the same to your fantasy RPG world. the “aliens” are actually beings from a fantasy world?
MODERN: What if, way back in the remote past, the two worlds
As a modern trope, the idea of ancient ETs fits well were intertwined? Our notion of dragons and flying
into any occult or conspiracy game. Cthulhu is, of chariots might have been based on crossovers from
course, full of them. You don’t have to stop with the a parallel world where magic was real. The giants
usual though. A modern pulp game could be based spoken of in The Bible might have been actual gi-
entirely on the ants. Ambitious dwarves might have carved the mas-
premise that extra- sive underground complex at Derenkuyu in Turkey.
terrestrials had a Man might have had early contact with demihu-
hand in early human mans. Heck, the demihumans might have even
civilization. brought some of those humans back, thus introduc-
Suddenly, the Ark of ing the races of men to the world of elves, dwarves
the Covenant isn’t a and Hobbit-like creatures not under copyright. It
“radio for speaking doesn’t matter how you want to subvert the trope.
to God” but an alien Your job is simply to surprise and entertain. There
artifact which con- may be no new ideas under the sun, but when you
tains a singularity. flip them over at least the light shines on a side
everyone haven’t seen before.
34 Knights of the Dinner Table® #213
SCIENCE FICTION this could be the entire scope of your campaign.
Many, many galactic or intergalactic settings seem How can the players get out once they’ve been
to take the idea of ancient progenitors as a default drawn inside?
prop. From Traveller to the film Prometheus FANTASY
[spoiler alert!], ancient alien empires are all over. Where the hell does that +2 longword go when
These aliens spread out, possibly seeded the galaxy you stick it into a bag of holding? It goes to the
with life, and then burned out as such plot devices Super-Sargasso Sea of course! Just let a PC crawl into
are wont to do. a portable hole and see what adventures transpire.
Maybe they weren’t really aliens, but humans from Fantasy games are thick with other planes and
another star system such as in Battlestar Galactica. dimensions. Why can’t one of them be the garbage
Again, the actual composition of these beings is less pit for the multiverse?
important than what they can do for your game. The cast-off, the pariahs, the lost explorers, those
Exploring ancient alien temples is a pretty common elfin children kidnapped in the night by trolls? They
theme in star faring adventures, but those temples all wound up here. Now your PCs are stuck here as
leading back to ancient Earth are not. Maybe your well. How do they get out? Maybe getting out isn’t
players become the ancient aliens that first the problem. Maybe there’s something inside here
influenced man. Who knows? they need. Whatever powerful artifact might be
From the Face on Mars to alien bases on the Moon, appropriate to your game has landed in the Super-
you can populate our solar system with all sorts of Sargasso The PCs must find it.
this civilization’s remnants. The question then How long have others been trapped here? Years,
becomes why? Why did they come to Earth? Why did centuries, millennia? Maybe time doesn’t even pass
they spread life? Perhaps they have some ultimate in this realm. Whole civilizations or alliances may
plan. Perhaps they were merely trying on altruism. have emerged. What does this place look like? Is it a
Whether an interstellar war drove them to Earth or flat plane floating in the primordial ylem of your
curiosity, their presence ties ancient history to future universe’s creation or a recognizable world? There
history. On a continuum that long, every GM can are many possibilities.
spawn ideas for adventures and campaigns.
MODERN
In a modern game, this area is where ships and
planes go when lost in the Bermuda Triangle. It’s
where some of the kids on the milk cartons wound
up. It’s an area where everything lost, however
mundane, can be found.
Think of the possibilities of Roman triremes
butting up against WW1 U-Boats, both of whose
crews are still alive? Amelia Earhart wound up here
as did the crew of the Mary Celeste. Is it an island like
Lost, or the greatest warehouse of the unexplained
in the known universe?
SUPER-SARGASSO SEA Who knows about this space, this pocket dimen-
A satirical concept introduced by Charles Fort to sion? Maybe the more powerful governments of the
explain mysterious disappearances, the Super-Sar- world know of its existence. Perhaps they patrol the
gasso Sea is an extra-dimensional realm where all domain for the unusual to bring back and reverse
lost things go. People, ships, airplanes, maybe even engineer. Alternatively, the only people in the know
your car keys end up in this odd domain. Think of it may be fringe occult types who tap into the energy
like a floating junkyard in non-space, or the entire of this plane to bend the reality in ours. We call them
contents of eBay suddenly dumped into the Abyss. wizards.
Whatever form the Super-Sargasso takes, it traps The Super-Sargasso Sea gives you a wonderful pot
objects, people and vehicles within its perimeter. into which you may dump EVERYTHING. Space ships
Things which go in cannot usually escape. Of course, built by future humanity float next to those from
35
ancient aliens. An orcish castle wanders space like about to collapse. What wouldn’t they do to survive?
the Ivory Tower in The Neverending Story. Once you And how nice of us to have provided them with ad-
have a dimension into which all lost things go, you vanced weaponry and technology in the form of
have a world of potential. space junk.
Think of all the missing people in the world who
disappeared just in the last century. The airplanes full
of travelers, the random disappearances on the side
of the road. Why do they all wind up here? Is it some
sort of plan? Is there an entity in charge, or are
people just being taken for reasons that go beyond
the ken of any intelligence as we understand it?
SCIENCE FICTION
The Super-Sargasso of Sea in Space has been used
a few times before. Floating graveyards of spaceships
old and new are not uncommon. But what if they MK-ULTRA
were trapped in a bubble universe? A bubble
universe is, very broadly, a universe which grew from This little monstrosity actually existed. The CIA de-
the prime universe. Like a soap bubble producing nied it for years but, eventually, the truth came out—
another bubble, these universes are spawned by or something like the truth anyway. The basic
larger prime worlds. Yours is full of junk. scenario says that the CIA experimented with tech-
niques in brainwashing. They used drugs, hypnotic
That’s right, junk. This is, literally, the garbage suggestion and forms of torture to create spies and
dump for a hundred or more civilizations. What possibly assassins—at least that was the hope.
might leave mankind agog is really just trash from a
drunken alien night of partying. Or maybe this is the In reality, nothing ever seems to have come of the
afterlife? Maybe everyone who ever died on Earth program, but conspiracy theorists point to people
winds up in this alien junk heap and no one knows like Mark David Chapman as accidental results of
why. these mind control experiments. The points to keep
in mind for gaming are that there’s a big, shadowy
More interesting: this bubble world that branched government organization that’s messing with
off wants its parent world as its own. Humanity may people’s minds for some nefarious reason. Who
have made this universe to dump its waste into, but doesn’t want that to be true?
there are human inhabitants on the other side who’d
like a word with us. Their universe isn’t stable—after FANTASY
all, we’re using it like a garbage compactor—it’s There are no shortage of shadowy ruling bodies in
most fantasy games. From secret psionicists to
wizards’ guilds, there are all sorts of applications MK-
ULTRA can provide. Say the wizards’ guild does want
to control the biggest city in your world [or maybe
the world itself], they aren’t liable to start right out in
the open. They’re going to create pawns, spies who,
magically, do not realize they are spies. These agents
then infiltrate all ranks of government and trade
guilds until the magic word is literally spoken and
they are activated.
This could happen at the small adventure level
too. The conspiracy may be a one off. A group of
secretive alchemists has discovered a potion that can
turn any person into an assassin. They’re going to kill
the king. The players either have to stop them or
help them. All you need is a reason for the

36 Knights of the Dinner Table® #213

experiment and some group to conduct them. put into cryostasis. In your future timeline these folk
Hidden memories and implanting post-hypnotic have been dutifully awakened and healed of their
suggestions are easy tropes to plug into any mystery, ailments. Little does the future know that they have
political or military centered campaign. an agenda. These Sleepers might be part of a an old
MODERN cult as well. Imagine thousands of celebrity
Scientologists programmed to take over future Earth
Modern games are where this idea really shines, and fight off Xenu.
because our world is already full of conspiracy theo-
ries. Especially in today’s climate, the idea that the If you want to be more realistic, this idea could
CIA is trying to control our minds is, perhaps, less far reverse course. The future might be supplying
fetched than ever. Programming individuals as spies agents into the past who think that they’re from that
and assassins works in a variety of games. Lovecraft- era. In reality, they’ve been brainwashed in an MK-
ian cultists may use dark rituals to create these ULTRA-style experiment to believe they come from
agents. The CIA could be behind it—maybe MK- the early 21st century. Why are they here? Is it to
ULTRA was simply renamed. The aliens who visited avert some future disaster or, possibly, to cause one?
Earth in the distant path could be responsible.
In the modern setting [or post-modern depend-
ing on your style of play], the paranoia we witness
on a daily basis is the fuel which drives this plot.
Think Thomas Pynchon and Philip K. Dick when you
introduce an element like this. It doesn’t even have
to be real. In fact, the revelation that the whole thing
is the concoction of paranoids makes it even scarier.
What lengths do people go to when confronted by
fellow humans they think have been somehow
“compromised?” The Thing played on this kind of
Cold War paranoia as did Invasion of the Body
Snatchers.
What are the goals of the organization behind the
brainwashing? Do they have a huge plan for world
domination, or are they rebels trying to flood soci-
ety with “bad” ideas. Imagine a group evolved out of
the late 70s punk scene who got their hands on this
kind of psychological technology. They might be try-
ing to subvert the straight world by creating more of
their own. This works especially well in gonzo-style
games where such lunacy is the order of the day. CRYPTIDS
SCIENCE FICTION Bigfoot, the Loch Ness Monster and the Yeti are all
The obvious first candidate to lie behind these classified as cryptids. The term comes from crypto-
experiments would be a rival alien species. Star Trek: zoological—creatures as yet unknown to science.
The Next Generation went in this direction at the Bigfoot is said to stalk the deep forests of the Pacific
end of its dubious first season. Maybe it would work Northwest. Nessie inhabits the Scottish lake from
better in a game than on TV. We’re trying to subvert which she takes her name. Most cryptids are a throw-
tropes as much as possible here, so let’s assume that back to the remote past of our planet. They are
aliens aren’t behind it. In fact, let’s assume no one holdovers, creatures out of time. In your game, they
from your contemporary setting is behind it at all. can be a refreshing change from the usual monster
of the week.
Instead, it’s humanity of the past that’s to blame.
Realizing the future was going in a direction the FANTASY
powers that be did not like, they programmed You’re in a public house. It always starts at a
hundreds, maybe thousands, of people who were public house. A stranger approaches your table—as
37
strangers tend to do—and asks for your help. Unlike plateaus full of cryptids. Imagine finding one in our
most adventure catalysts, this fellow is seeking a rare modern age? How has it gone unnoticed? If it’s on
specimen. He’s a scientist of sorts, looking for a an island, how has that island never been mapped?
species thought to be extinct or one that exists only Are their forces actively trying to repress evidence of
in legend. Your PCs are to go after this creature and these creatures, or are the creatures themselves
must bring an intact body back [or a live specimen to intelligent and hiding from the ferocity of man?
complicate things]. SCIENCE FICTION
It could be a dinosaur, an ape-man or anything Two words: space whale. Yes, there are space
else that you don’t regularly use in your game. Being whales out there, or something similar. Maybe
as it’s fantasy, it’s harder to make the players inter- they’re no more intelligent than the whales of earth.
ested in the same way a modern person would be. Maybe they’re the race that built that cylinder which
What you have to do is lay some track in earlier ad- caused Kirk and company to go back to 1986 for
ventures. Drop hints at the existence of such a crea- some humpback whales. Obviously they don’t have
ture for a few sessions, and then have someone to be actual whales [yes they do]. The creature
come around look- doesn’t have to live in space, it could be bound to a
ing for that very planet, it could BE a planet.
beastie.
Doctor Who has had fun with this idea. Like the
Because cryptids modern version, this space cryptid is often well-
tend to be throw- served by an obsessive seeker. You want an Ahab for
backs, your creature your white space whale. He brings drama and
should be as well. conflict. Perhaps the players decide the creature is
Dive deep into the the innocent in this scenario, or perhaps Ahab is
setting of your right and the beast truly is a monster.
choice and mine for
gems. In Dark Sun, Legend needs to surround it. Don’t just throw it in
the creature could and say “boo!” The players need to absorb the
be something as implications of actually finding this thing. Build it up
common as a horse. In Planescape it could be an en- before you introduce the creature. Much of Forteana
tire plane that is alive—a single organism the size of is more about the legend surrounding something
a dimension. Whatever it turns out to be, it needs to than the ultimate payoff. The search, the Mulderian
be conceptually big—what Hollywood calls high “want to believe” is what drives our Fortean
concept. Let’s face it, when you fight monsters every mysteries.
week, the GM needs to work especially hard to make LEY LINES
one a real standout. They run between the sacred centers of the Earth
MODERN connecting megalithic sites and medieval churches.
Cryptids are the objects of Fortean obsession. They Ley lines may tap into the Earth’s geomagnetic
cause pseudo-scientists and enthusiasts to stake out energy, they may be an ancient source of magic, or,
remote forests and theorize wildly. They used to be they may not exist at all.
common headlines in the Weekly World News. Your Ley lines are one of the New Age movement’s
cryptid can be any number of things. If it’s a Bigfoot, greatest contributions to pop culture. Along with
perhaps it’s related to man—an ancestral hominin pyramid power and crystal skulls, they supposedly
that didn’t quite go extinct. Perhaps it’s a dinosaur, allow all manner of miracles. These pathways criss-
like Nessie, and the players are tasked with finding cross the Earth and, where they intersect, collect
proof of its existence. even more power.
The common theme is obsession. While the play- The menhirs at Stonehenge may have been
ers are likely just freelancers, there should be an NPC moved by this power. Merlin may have tapped its
who is fixated on finding the creature. Her life has source. Your campaign world could be shot through
fallen apart in the quest to prove this beast is real. with similar lines of power, connecting ancient
Pulp adventures abound with entire islands and sacred sites with modern cathedrals.

38 Knights of the Dinner Table® #213

FANTASY random murders culminate in a fight against your de
Ley lines are natural for fantasy. The magic-pow- rigueur cultists bent on opening the gates to Hell.
ered nature of most fantasy worlds lends itself to For a pulp spin, the ley lines could be exactly what
such energy-infused tracks crossing the land. proponents claim—ancient power lines that stretch
Wizards may need to go to these sites to recharge or across the Earth. The Pyramids were built using this
to perform the most powerful spells. power, as were even greater wonders mankind has
Wars may be fought over areas where these lines long since forgotten. The global civilization who
cross. An entire campaign might revolve around the connected these Tesla-like sources of energy could
need to reactivate these elemental positions of have been Atlantis, Mu or Lemuria. Their advanced
power. The PCs would have to hunt through old technology was their undoing, and your default bad
dungeons and castles for maps that show where guys are after this power to weaponize.
primitive people thought these lines once existed. Or, maybe these ley lines come from the intersec-
In such a campaign the current world can be more tion of other worlds. Faerie, Hell or even Heaven
technologically advanced—say at the level of might bisect our world at these points. Stonehenge
Renaissance Europe—but lack the spiritual and was once a portal to Gehenna before the legendary
magical wisdom of their forebears. Merlin gave his soul sealing it for all time... until now.
Facing some Big Bad who threatens the world, the SCIENCE FICTION
PCs set off to find the pre-historic stone circles where Worm holes. A vast network of wormholes shot
they will recite the proper incantation to awaken the through space-time like the holes in apples for which
ley lines and defend the realm. they are named. When they hit a planet, they make
Ley lines are also potential areas where an outer a ley line. A person on Alpha Centauri steps into a ley
plane begins to cross over with the material plane. line and finds himself on the cosmic highway to
They could be border zones, places where magic acts Mars. This could be a natural phenomena or a left-
aren’t funny and access to the nexus of the multi- over from your stock progenitor race. Maybe the
verse is possible. Who knows what strange effects lines were shut down because they weakened
the Abyss might impose upon a region in your space-time in the areas which they ran through. The
world? progenitors thought they sealed them off so as not
to rip apart the cosmos like a cheaply stitched sweat
MODERN shop shirt. Alas, something has happened to boot
Picking up where we left off in fantasy, what if ley the system up again.
lines represent the border between our universe and
another that’s crashing into it? Strange quantum
THE ILLUMINATI
effects could emerge. In certain areas, time might The name is famous, but the actual group only
move more slowly or even backwards. Like the film existed in Bavaria for a handful of years. Legend and
Stalker, special guides could be needed in these conspiracy theory has carried this organization from
areas. The PCs likely don’t know the cause from the the 18th century until today—a flickering torch in
outset. Maybe the phenomena merely start as lines the darkness of the paranoid mind. The Illuminati is
and spread outward to encompass more and more the most commonly referenced global conspiracy of
of our planet? our age. Popularized by novels and the titular Steve
Jackson Game, the Illuminati has been depicted as a
Because of the bizarre nature of these anomalies,
farcical deconstruction of conspiracy theories as well
they also existed in antiquity even though the two
as a serious threat to the freedom of humanity.
[or more] universes seem to be crashing into one
another now. Special government task forces need Your campaign can treat them with as much
to be employed, and the job falls to the PCs. sobriety as you like. The common factors will likely
persist: the Illuminati is an old, possibly ancient,
Think Delta Green with more quantum flux. If you
organization dedicated to ruling the world—cue
prefer, the lines could be part of a spell that
Tears For Fears.
summons the Elder Things from the Outer Dark. True
Detective would be a very different show with cops FANTASY
chasing sacrificial murders committed on ley line hot Someone is always trying to take over the world
spots throughout the U.S. What first appear to be in fantasy stories. Usually, it’s an evil sorcerer type
39
backed by a powerful army. It doesn’t have to go that machine, or can they tie their origins to Ancient
way though. Your Big Bad might be a secret society; egypt and sacred geometry?
it might be the Illuminati [or whatever name you They may wish to bring on a new age of techno-
choose to bestow upon it]. In this campaign the logical supremacy or resurrect the golden age of
enemy is often hidden. They may wield vast power, early man. Whatever their goals, the PCs are in the
but they do so with some discretion. Scrying magic way. At least that’s how it usually goes. What if the
becomes their NSA. Their spies are everywhere. PCs were working to form the conspiracy instead?
In every tavern, a member of the Illuminati might be In such a campaign the players are the men in black,
listening to you. the agents of those who would rule the world. They
As in modern conspiracy fiction, no one believes might be unaware who they are working for at first,
you though. You stumble upon the vast conspiracy or they might be well aware of the evil they are help-
only to realize convincing others of its existence is ing engender. For a mid-campaign twist, the evil
half the battle. Characters not only have to under- conspiracy could turn out to be on the side of right,
take the usual staple of an adventurer's diet but also willing to sacrifice freedom and liberty to fight
have intrigue to deal with. Enemies and friends are against something even worse. Delta Green has
hard to distinguish, and the line between good and aspects of this style of play as did the X Files.
evil becomes gray. Easily compatible with the bro-
SCIENCE FICTION
ken artifact campaign, this trope gives the players a
change of pace while keeping some of the familiar The video game Deus Ex did an admirable job of
props that all D&D fans know and love. combining cyberpunk with age old conspiracies. You
could do the same, transferring the conspiracies to
the future of planet Earth or beyond. The conspiracy
could be covering up the existence of a previous,
powerful alien race or might be suppressing knowl-
edge that the universe is nearing the end of its life.
That could make for a downer of a campaign, but it
might be interesting. Imagine the players struggling
against a vast, intergalactic conspiracy only to find
the secret is something no one can do anything
about?
Or perhaps they can? Noted theoretical physicist
Michio Kaku has suggested that the end of our
universe may not spell the end of mankind. He offers
a solution, what he calls a “lifeboat.” We create or find
an alternate universe and escape to there. The
players may have to find a way to do this, but what
happens once they arrive and are not welcomed by
MODERN the natives of this new universe?
Conspiracy theory is an illness for our times. As These are just a smattering of the Forteana you
said in the film Strange Days, “The issue's not can find with some Google-fu and a slightly
whether you're paranoid... the issue is whether obsessive interest in the weirder side of modernity.
you're paranoid enough.” This is the motto for an As humans, we’re drawn to the unknown; as gamers
Illuminati campaign. They may be Templars, we get to play around in it.
Rosicrucians, Satanists, Cthulhu cultists, Alien SUMMARY
Collaborators, the New World Order, or anything else
Fortean phenomena give the GM a ready made
you wish to dredge from the detritus of pop history,
springboard for ideas that are adaptable to any
but who they are, and how old they are, will inform
genre. These oddities have proven popular in books,
their goals. Is your conspiracy of recent vintage,
comics, TV and movies. The collective unconscious
made around the time of the Industrial Revolution
has already done a good deal of our work for us. All
by men dedicated to the cult of capital and the
we have to do is get out the plot shovel and dig. 
40 Knights of the Dinner Table® #213
 disagreement in how to proceed. The Paladin
and I wanted to take him to the local author-
ities to stand trial. Our Ranger decided that
this would take too long and without any
warning let loose an arrow into the assassin’s
head, killing him.
His reasoning? “You guys shouldn’t be mad,
we are the ones that have to put up with
your Lawful Stupid.”
We argued, and the game stopped dead
after that scene. The Ranger argued that the
man deserved to die and that we were dumb
for thinking he should be arrested. We were
shocked as the other players agreed with
what the Ranger had done, and it led to our
party threatening to split up.
The player of the Paladin immediately
rolled up a new character, claiming his
Paladin would never adventure with a group
that resorted to murder out of convenience.
By John D. Kennedy I was torn because I loved my character but
I too had a hard time justifying him staying
with the party.
In Defense I’ve seen the phrase thrown about a bit
online but this was my first experience in
“Lawful Stupid” dealing with it. “You’re Lawful Good, not
Lawful Stupid.” “Paladins would be better if

W
hen it comes to gaming, I have they weren’t stuck being Lawful Stupid.”
played a wide variety of charac- “Lawful Stupid is impossible to play.” It comes
ters. I once played a goblin bard, down to the same thing really: the idea that
a Temporal Assassin in RIFTS, a Sith ma- being Lawful Good hinders the freedom of
rauder, and an evil vampire priest who others in the group to act as they want and
wanted to bring about the Apocalypse. Yet I that being Lawful Good means being either
would say that 80% of the time I end up play- an intolerant zealot or an incompetent
ing the good guy. I love playing Clerics, and laughing stock.
enjoy healing my comrades and lifting their Lawful Good is best defined as being the
curses so they can slay the dragon. I enjoy most honorable, most ideal person. They are
the nobility and heroism of the Paladins, and chivalrous, they are just, and they uphold the
perhaps it is the cheesiness of Optimus Prime law. They are the Captain America of the
or Green Lantern that I feel the desire to alignment classes.
stand as a blazing torch against the darkness.
This is by no means an easy alignment to
Once, we were after an assassin working play as it means your character would seek
with a demon. After we had captured said to always tell the truth, to deal with all oppo-
criminal, he told us the next part of the nents as fairly and honorably as possible, and
demon’s plans and we figured out where we you would not resort to cruelty or torture to
had to go next. His usefulness to our adven- achieve your goals. Whereas it may be easier
ture had ended, we then had to deal with a
41
to stab your opponent in the back, you other virtues react to a party that employed
would fight them honorably and sometimes a thief or barbarian? If someone believes that
evenly. the law must be upheld at all times, how do
In truth, a majority of us are Lawful Good they behave in a country run by an oppres-
or Lawful Neutral by nature. True, you cannot sive warlord? It may seem easier to run one
apply that to every person that you meet, but of the other alignments then, as that might
the vast majority of people you meet in your smooth over some difficulties.
life will follow the law even if they do not Instead, think of how your character would
agree with it and rarely will they seek to use feel about working with others who do not
the law for evil means. When we see a follow his beliefs. While he may be sworn to
perceived injustice we stand up against it uphold the law, is there a way he can atone
and we try to follow the rules as best we can. for it? Will your character bend on some rules,
No one gets called Lawful Stupid for not but make up for it by being absolutely
stealing money from a bank or for not adamant on others? Can the character sleep
beating up their neighbor in a dispute. In- at night knowing they did their best to be
stead we see people lauded for taking the just in an unjust world?
time to help a motorist change a flat tire or
And remember that Lawful Good
for raising money for charity.
characters can also be as cunning and
At times it can be more challenging to take ruthless as other classes, depending on the
the high road than the low road. Playing a circumstances.
gunslinger whose response is to shoot
anyone that crosses his path is tempting A knight may even plan a trap that kills his
when you just want to relieve stress. Playing opponent if he thinks it will save those he is
the noble warrior who must uphold the laws sworn to protect. Those sworn to uphold the
his daimyo have laid out may even seem laws of their religion or kingdom can also be
tyrannical if the laws are unjust. as ruthless as someone who is Chaotic Evil,
justifying their actions behind a mask of
Lawful Good is anything but simple, and
righteousness.
depending on the circumstances players
may feel like they’re caught between a rock This is by no means a judgment on people
and a hard place when asked to obey an who play their character differently! There
unjust law or allow the helpless villain a are several characters that people admire
chance to defend himself when they know it that would not be classified as Lawful Good.
could bring them harm. Robin Hood stole from the rich to give to the
On the contrary, being Lawful Good is poor. Captain Jack Sparrow did whatever he
perhaps one of the most invigorating align- felt like although he always came down on
ments to play. When you stand against the the side of good at the end. Although players
hordes of demons trying to destroy a village, may appreciate the idea of playing Ser
you are the beacon of light that others rally Eddard Stark, others prefer to be Tyrion.
behind. When word of the character’s deeds Lawful Good is perhaps completely fictional
spread throughout the land and peasants in the real world but in a world of magic and
need a knight who always upholds his vows, fantasy it is a chance to play the purest kind
they rally behind them. of hero. You protect others and fight evil,
When it comes to running a Lawful Good standing as an example to your fellows as
character in a party of mixed alignments, it someone who tries to be as pure as pure can
can lead to some interesting role playing be. It’s not meant for everyone, and it can be
opportunities. How would a Paladin whose very trying at times, but sometimes, don’t we
god teaches truth and honesty above all all feel the need to be the hero? 
42 Knights of the Dinner Table® #213
B
ross Slattor was an incompetent ne’er-do-well who only
barely scraped by stealing nails and skinning cats. One day,
while attempting to lure a handful of kittens out from be-
hind a sewer grate, he happened upon a magical ring imbued with a
single wish. Bross spent the next twenty years of his miserable life de-
liberating over what to ask for, but even so, indiscretion eventually got
the better of him.
The morning after an all-night drinking binge, Bross discovered
that his urine had been transmuted into brandy. The condition per-
sisted, and he realized that he had literally pissed away his precious
wish in a drunken stupor. It was quality liquor though, and Bross made
the best of things by building a business around his newfound “tal-
ent.” He leased a derelict building, propped a placard out front, and
got busy chugging water. His expectations were low. At best, Bross
just hoped to continue getting by.
However, demand quickly exceeded his supply from the “tap out
back.” Bross increased his prices, but that hardly put a dent in his sales.
Customers proved willing to pay even the most exorbitant sums for a
sip of his signature aperitif. In a couple of months Bross had earned
enough coin to build a proper establishment, The Golden Drop, which
he stocked with a staggering selection of gourmet food and drinks.
The tavern’s rarified ambiance and premium prices soon earned Bross
a dedicated following among the nobility.
Now, after decades of success and easy living, Bross has fallen upon
hard times. He has grown old, and his signature brandy comes in short
supply -- some days, not at all. Demand has continued to increase, and
the standing of his tavern hangs in the balance. Ironically enough,
Bross has come to care deeply about his reputation. He obsesses over
his urine and would not hesitate to murder anyone who learns the se-
cret of his success. There are already a few corpses buried in the cellar.
Bross has aged poorly, though he labors to offset the ravages of
time with gratuitous displays of wealth. His bald head is blotched with
Bross Slattor
liver spots, and his ruddy face is scarred from a childhood bout of the
pox and a lifetime of acne. He wears a powdered wig and copious Race: Human
Class: NPC 7
amounts of makeup to conceal these defects as best he can, though the Level: N/A +1
results border on comical. Bross is amiable and outgoing in public, but Size: Medium 0
in his private life, his bearing is equal parts melancholy and rage. He Movement: 5 ft
Alignment: CN +3 0
would give all that he has -- or, if at all possible, all that someone else Reared: Kalamar
has -- to be young again. Hit Points: 28
______________________ 2d4p
What Bross doesn’t know is that his ring, which he keeps on a plat- STR 8/50 INT 9/83 WIS 12/47 1 ft 7
DEX 13/03 CON 14/92 LKS 6/18
inum chain around his neck, still retains its wish. On the night of his CHA: 10/88
grand misadventure, so many years ago, he had urinated on a bac-
Skills
chanalian shrine and was cursed for his indiscretion. In his despair, Possessions: ring, dagger cooking 20%
Bross never thought to second-guess his initial assumption that the glean info 48%
ring was at fault. Proficiencies: dagger, bilingual, skin- hiding 29%
ning/tanning listening 34%
By Derek Kagemann observation 46%
salesmanship 59%
Talents: damage bonus, parry bonus literacy 30%
salesmanship 60%
ADDITIONAL NOTES: The Piss Curse has seldom been used against anyone, language (Brand.) 65%
so it is extremely rare. Bross is only the third person in centuries to have language (Kalamar) 69%
been so cursed. Bross is 73 years old. Quirk: greedy, obsessive Flaw: pocking disguise 22%
 Uhlik’s Stone Survivor
AKA: The Stop or Drop
INTENT: Injury
MECHANISM: Pressure Plate
LETHALITY: Variable
SUGGESTED DAMAGE: GM’s discretion
ENGINEER: Derek Kagemann

fully be petrified. Obviously, no adventurer in his

right mind is just going to give in, get turned to
stone, and expect everything to be hunky-dory in
the morning. Those who do not concede to the
sense of serenity are wholly unaffected -- no saving
throw required.

L osing one ogre henchmen to your own poison

gas trap can be chalked up as an acceptable
loss. After the twentieth casualty, a mad wizard
must give some serious thought to his dungeon’s
security layout. This was the dilemma faced by
Menk Uhlik, whose love of devious traps was far too
often undermined by the carelessness of his
drunken underlings. His solution was the Stone
Survivor, an idiot proof, double whammy of a trap.

However, flesh and blood creatures are very

much affected by the poison gas that subsequently
jets into the area. The deadly gas lingers for 3d6
minutes before dispersing through concealed
vents to be condensed and recycled for reuse
within a day’s time. Petrified creatures return to
normal within one minute after the gas has
diffused.
Uhlik’s more cowardly minions have since figured
out that the Stone Survivor is an excellent way to
escape pursuit. Even if the enemy does not die in
the poison gas cloud, most foes lose interest in
their quarry when it has been seemingly petrified
The Stone Survivor is triggered by a pressure by some underhanded trap. After implementing
plate or similar mechanism. Once activated, all the Stone Survivor, Uhlik noted a 75% decrease in
creatures within the 60-foot diameter of effect will work related casualties among his followers along
feel a sense of tranquility, as though “all you need to with a 25% rise in income generated from
do is give in and everything will be just fine as your deceased adventurers. 
bodies gently turn to stone.” This is a prompt for
Uhlik’s servants to cede to the spell effect and will-

44 Knights of the Dinner Table® #213

45
 P
oppy admits to not caring much about slavery at one
time in her life. She knew little about it, beyond ru-
mors that she’d heard. Her passion was always roam-
ing forests, being a survivor, helping travelers get through the
forest, protecting the land and creatures from evil, and the sorts
of things a ranger might pursue. She took after her father, who
was also a ranger. The Moonwillow family had always been of
the sort that loved that lifestyle, and were thought of as a bit
eccentric, truth be told.
Life was much simpler before Poppy’s brother Trumble got
kidnapped from a trade caravan. Rumors swirled that the mem-
bers of the caravan were all attacked in camp one evening and
sold off to work the mines in some far-off city. Poppy then cared
about slavery a lot. Since that time, she’s been looking for him,
and in doing so, has raided mines and slave caravans in many lo-
cations. She has yet to find him, but her searching has raised
hell with slavers, and they’re quickly growing tired of her inter-
ference.
Several slave owners have hired trackers to find her and cap-
ture or kill her, but, most have failed to find her. She has at-
tracted a small band of followers who help make things difficult
for trackers. They are mostly former slaves or the family mem-
bers like Poppy, looking to free a loved one. They have a net-
work of hiding places in various locations, as well as a few
decoys. They also have set traps and snares for outside trackers,
and, on the few occasions that they’ve been confronted, have
been able to fight off these opponents quite well.
She feels she’s getting close, having heard a rumor her
Poppy Moonwillow brother’s group of slaves is being transferred soon to a fortress
in the Eldrose Forest. She and her band have plans to strike them
Race: Halfling before they get there. If her brother is sent to the fortresses in
Class: Ranger 4
Level: 15th -2 the Eldrose, it will extremely difficult to get him out.
Size: Medium +11 She has been joined by a new recruit, Farfo Tallowfoot, res-
Movement: 2 1/2 ft
Alignment: CG +9 M 2 cued from slavers during the last raid. Something about him re-
Reared: Inolen minds her of her brother. She finds it easy to talk to him, and
Hit Points: 77 2d6p
______________________ +1 likes his personality. He is charming and seems passionate about
STR 13/40 INT 17/83 WIS 11/82 2 ft 8
DEX 14/94 CON 17/00 LKS 14/20 helping her find her brother. He knows the area well, and has in-
CHA: 14/74 formation to share with her about the slavers and their move-
Skills ments. He has proven invaluable so far, leading them in a raid
Possessions: Medium shield, leather armor, rope use 52%
short bow, sling, quiver of arrows, sling listening 47% against a slave camp that was highly successful. She thinks he
stones tracking 76%
disguise 77%
will be a major asset, and she’s already imagining the glorious
Proficiencies: Short bow spec., sling, light fire building 59% day when she looks on the face of her brother Trumble once
armor, shield, hiking, short sword spec. language (Brand.) 78%
first aid 53% again, and can return him to their home. By Barb Blackburn
hunting 57%
Talents: crack shot, greased lightning, im- observation 60% ADDITIONAL NOTES: Poppy had once amassed quite a lot of money from work-
proved reach. sneaking 55% ing for wealthy nobles, scouting out hunting sites for them and helping set up
survival 66%
Quirk: gullible trips for them. She has spent it all, nearly, on her quest to find her brother and
climbing 24%
rescue him, paying her men and women, buying supplies, paying bribes, etc.

46 Knights of the Dinner Table® #213

F
arfo has been a slave for as long as he can remember.
In fact, he was born into the life, the son of slaves long
since dead. Unlike his parents, who resisted, and tried
to escape, Farfo has never had that kind of courage or ambition.
He’s resigned to the life of a slave and has done whatever it
takes to win him as much favor with his masters as possible, to
the point of betraying family, friends, you name it. He has no
allegiance to anyone but himself.
He tells himself that life in the outside world is not for him,
anytime he feels a twinge of longing for freedom. Because of
his attitude, he actually is a favorite of his masters. They trust
him implicitly because they can. They are his bread and but-
ter.
With recent raids against slave owners led by a ranger
named Poppy Moonwillow, one savvy orc master decided he
could use Farfo’s natural talents at deception, and his lack of
character, to help set a trap for the halfling do-gooder who is
ruining their business.
The wily master and his comrades came up with a plan. They
set up a fake slave caravan and spread rumors about it so that
Poppy would catch wind and try something. They let her “res-
cue” Farfo so he could join her band of dreadful freedom fight-
ers, get in good with her, and then stab her in the back when
she least expects it, literally, if possible, but more probably, fig-
uratively. They’ve told him not to try to attack her by himself,
except if he has to, or when she’s sleeping and nobody is guard-
ing her. But, their real plan is to let him feed her information,
some of it good, leading her to the master’s competition in the
slave trade. She might as well do his dirty work for him, he fig- Farfo Tallowfoot
ures. Then, one fateful raid, the info will be wrong, and Poppy
and her band will find themselves facing an ambush. Race: Halfling
Class: rogue 6
Farfo was rescued, and his plan has been working won- Level: 7th -1
drously. She has welcomed him in with open arms, not seem- Size: Medium +4
Movement: 2 1/2 ft
ing to suspect that he has anything but good intentions. He’s Alignment: CE +2 2
Reared: Bet Bireli
told her he knows where her brother is, and she is excited. He’s Hit Points: 38 2d4p
______________________
told her horror stories of his time in captivity, most of them STR 6/58 INT 13/16 WIS 15/31 1 ft 6
true but some embellished, to gain her sympathy. She’s even DEX 12/90 CON 12/79 LKS 11/62
told him he reminds her of her brother. He feels a slight twinge CHA: 18/46
Skills
of guilt, but, he brushes that aside quickly as he remembers Possessions: Sling, dagger, leather armor. acting 45%
that his master has promised him a nice reward if he succeeds, diplomacy 26%
fast talking 69%
but more motivating for him, a terrible beating should he fail. Proficiencies: dagger specialization, glean info 53%
sling, light armor, bilingual. listening 57%
By Barb Blackburn disguise 40%
Talents: no accent, damage bonus (dagger), literacy 40%
improved reach salesmanship 60%
seduction 54%
ADDITIONAL NOTES: Farfo knows four magic spells, aura of innocence, language (orc) 73%
tireless run, throw voice and charm. Quirk: coward Flaw: low pain tolerance language (Kalamar) 77%
appraisal 53%

47
 Chasers
of Fortune

T
hese magical items form a set of four horseshoes,
which it is written were forged by a minor god-
dess of luck, chance, or opportunity (depending mount with the blessed tokens. And so they fell in the
on which tomes recount the tale) whose original name hands of a savage tribe, that had little use for such trin-
has long been forgotten. She took mortal form for a num- kets, but their unyielding shine caught the eye and cov-
ber f decades, wandering the lands learning when and etous desires of many tribal members, and in the years
when not to interfere with the affairs of mortals, but as so that followed the four were split, stolen by breakaway
often happens in stories of this nature, she fell in love with groups and other orkin tribes, and scattered throughout
a noble knight, who was burdened by duty to a despotic the lands. The goddess learned an important lesson in
power-mad king, and sent to war by his liege in the face the capricious whims of fortune, and all that was left of
of a tide of invading enemies. The knight had little choice, her touch were these four items.
but to follow through on his sworn loyalty, and there was Although they are centuries old, these shoes never
nothing the maiden avatar could say to convince him oth- tarnish, deform, or wear down, and can be removed
erwise. easily upon command, and reshod with very little trou-
So she decided to use her powers for her own cause, ble. Their ability comes from their propensity to 'fills' with
and commissioned a special set of shoes for his noble Honor Points at a rate of one per week, to a maximum of
steed, smithed in flames fed by her shorn golden locks, d3 (determined randomly by the GM each time it is
each lined with a bolt of silver running through its middle emptied), so long as it is kept upright for which great care
and etched with a continuous pattern of hourglasses on must be taken.
their side; some records claim the bulbs fill and empty Any jostling or disturbance that upends the charm will
with pitted dots that constantly shift despite never being result in a small amount of clear gelatinous substance
touched. leaking from the piece over a day (which edible for Pixie-
The paramour was instructed to shoe his horse with Fairies and other creatures that derive substance from
them on the eve of combat, having made him promise to magical sources), and empties the charm of all its stored
keep them turned upwards during his travels to the bat- luck.
tleground, and luck’s tide would favor her champion. When worn by a faithful mount, these points may be
Alas, there must be some powers greater than the spent by the character as per those afforded the Knight
deities that interfere with the lives of men, for such ma- class, but only for combat-related rolls whilst mounted or
nipulation was pre-emptively punished, when the knight in extremely close proximity (within 10 feet)
was slain as he slept whilst in camp by a scouting party by James Butler 
of orc raiders, days before he had promised to fit his
48 Knights of the Dinner Table® #213
WHAT KIND OF WORM ARE YOU?
SETTING: Dungeon
BAIT: The PCs are hired to exterminate a large worm that has
been attacking a farming community’s flocks at night and de-
vouring them. They are offered the sum of 100 gold pieces or
1,000 silver pieces. They have been given a map to an under-
ground lair where the last hunters went to find the beast. From
that group, only one returned with significant physical damage,
and he reported that he believed the worm was badly injured
as well. If the PCs hurry, they can finish the job. The PCs are also
told there is other treasure in the dungeon that they can keep if
they survive and kill the worm.
TACKLE: The subterranean lair of this creature is near a large TACKLE: The blacksmith, Dushar Temdar, doesn’t want to talk
lake, where some tributaries run very close and actually invade about his marriage with strangers. He tells the PCs to leave for
the dungeon area. The worm, is not actually a worm at all, but their own good. He becomes more agitated the longer they stay.
an aquatic hydra (detailed in the Hacklopedia of Beasts). This on The man is a werewolf, and he attacked his wife the night before
has 12 eyes, but only one tentacle left, as the other four had been because it was a full moon and she tried to stop him from going
chopped off by previous attackers. This beast, also sometimes out to hunt. He won’t take wolf form to fight the PCs, but he will
called a rockworm hydra, uses acidic spittle to defend itself, as fight if they threaten him. If they force him to leave town, he
described in the HOB. It is blue in color. Its injuries have not been will go. However, on the next full moon, he will remember them
healed as yet, and have slowed its movement ability. It can only and hunt them down for their interference.
crawl at 1 foot per second, walk 2 feet per second and it cannot By Barbara Blackburn
move any faster than that. Also, its attack and defense has been
reduced by 1. In spite of its wounds, it is ready to fight that much NEIGHBORS
more fiercely, however (as wounded creatures often do), and so
SETTING: Wilderness
when it strikes, it does 2d8p+3 damage with each strike.
BAIT: If the PCs make camp in a wilderness area, they may no-
tice that another group of campers is setting up nearby. It is a
By Barbara Blackburn rather large group, and very organized. They set up nice, big tents
and the PCs can soon smell the scent of meat roasting and other
LADY IN DISTRESS kinds of dishes being cooked.
SETTING: Inn TACKLE: The camp is inhabited by members of a religious
BAIT: As the PCs visit an inn, a beautiful woman staggers in, order on a pilgrimage. They will be great neighbors, offer the
battered and bruised. The barkeep grumbles, “Not again, Uana. PCs food and kindness, whatever the PCs might need. There are
You need to leave that bastard.” If the PCs ask about her, they even healers in the group that the PCs might need and these
discover that her husband regularly inflicts such injuries on her. services are offered willingly. The only thing is, at about mid-
The barkeep is her uncle. He will tell the PCs that he’s tried to night, the campers next door begin a religious ritual that in-
reason with the man, to no avail. He isn’t well enough to fight volves strange, loud chanting, the playing of cymbals and drums,
the man, having a missing arm from his years as a soldier. He that will last well into the night.
asks the PCs if they wouldn’t mind speaking with the man in a By Barbara Blackburn
more forceful way. The woman begs the PCs not to go. “Don’t
hurt him!” she cries. “He doesn’t mean it,” but her eyes plead that CATCHY TUNE
she needs someone to help her. The barkeep takes the woman SETTING: Wilderness
to his quarters and tells her to rest, then comes out to offer the BAIT: While the PCs are out walking, they hear the sound of
PCs free room, drinks and food for a week if they agree simply to pipe music. It is alluring and beautiful. It wafts through the air
talk to his niece’s husband, who runs the blacksmith shop. If they and seems to come from everywhere around them.
are able to convince him to leave town and never talk to Uana TACKLE: The music is played by a carousing group of male
again, or if they make him disappear, no questions asked, he will satyrs looking for a good time. If there are any females among
give them rooms, drinks and food forever, free of charge.
49
the PCs, they must make a mental save vs. d20p+5 or follow tle farm not far away. It isn’t fancy, but it is comfortable. Plus,
the sound into the waiting clutches of the male satyrs. Male PCs there is plenty to eat there. You are welcome to be my guests. I’d
must save in the same way, or be charmed into inviting the love for you to meet my wife and daughter. Plus, the little
satyrs into camp and offering them food, drink and anything of
woman has a real way with meals.”
value. As the night wears on, if the PCs make their saves, the
music will stop eventually, as the satyrs appear to move on to TACKLE: The man does have a nice little farm not far away,
easier targets. However, that is not the case. They are simply and he is hospitable. Unfortunately, chained in his barn is his
waiting for night to fall, and then they will conduct a raid of the wife and child. These family members are brain-eating zombies,
camp, trying to more forcefully take whatever they want, be it who somehow became infected with the Living Death disease
women, wine or goods. Their pipes will play more aggressive
(see Hacklopedia of Beasts, page. 363.) He loves them still, and
music at this time and additional saves will need to be made to
resist the urge to complacently let the satyrs have their way. If in order to keep them fed, he lures people to his farm. He won’t
the saves are made the PCs will be able to fight back. show the PCs his wife and child right away, steering them clear
of the barn until they’ve had some food (laced with sedative
By Barbara Blackburn plants) and they become sleepy. The sedatives in the food causes
lethargy, giving -1 to all combat rolls until the next morning.
MY BIRTHDAY PRESENT The man will then introduce the PCs to his wife and child and
SETTING: Inn try to bash them into unconsciousness with a club so he can feed
BAIT: As the PCs are enjoying a rest from their adventures, his beloved zombies.
drinks, a meal, etc., they seem to have caught the eye of a By Barbara Blackburn
drunken mage. He seems to be eyeballing the party like crazy.
He’s with a couple of friends and he begins to point at the party WOEFUL MISTAKE
and talk about them rather loudly and what he says is not com-
plimentary. SETTING: Town
TACKLE: The mage gets so agitated he stands and shouts, BAIT: The PCs may notice, as they travel about town, that a
“That man stole my birthday present!” GM, pick whichever PC particularly sad older woman is following them at a distance.
seems to be exhibiting the nicest clothing or flashing around She doesn’t appear to be a threat at all, and will shy away if con-
anything that appears to be valuable. The mage will claim that
fronted, but will eventually come back. It’s as if she’s drawn to
one particularly nice item on the PC’s person, is actually his, that
his girlfriend gave it to him for his birthday. He might even start the PCs for some reason. Every now and then, she looks like she
to call for guards. He is a 4th level mage with equivalent spell ac- wants to approach, but then she hangs back and cries silently.
cess, but, he won’t really attack the PCs unless they get mad and TACKLE: Eventually, the woman will feel compelled to ap-
want to fight him. His two friends are fighters who actually try proach, but will try to approach one of the PCs when they are
to get him to sit down. They apologize for their friend and try to
alone, or at least when they aren’t in a big crowd. One of the PCs
keep things from escalating, saying, “he always does this.” How-
ever, if the PCs do respond with violence, they will defend their (the GM can determine by rolling or choice) reminds the woman
friend, but will try, if they can, to still stop any bloodshed. They of her murdered son or daughter (depending on the PC chosen).
are also 4th level. She has the urge to caress the PCs face, to hug the PC and begins
to weep as she holds herself back. She explains to the PC, “you
By Barbara Blackburn look so much like my child, taken from me.” If the PC talks with
her, she will discover that this “twin” was slain by bandits on the
MOTHER AND CHILD road into town. If the woman gets comfortable with the PC, is
SETTING: Rural path treated kindly, etc. she may get bold enough to ask the PC to
BAIT: The PCs come across a humble looking man. He has a gather his/her friends and find the person who killed her child.
roadside stand and is selling luscious looking apples and pints of She has no money, nothing to offer in reward, but she begs, “let
apple wine. He’s friendly and offers them a good price. “You look
my baby rest in peace. Find the person who took my baby from
in need of refreshment, my friends,” he says. If they engage him
in conversation, he will later offer them a place to stay for the me.”
night at his farm not far away. “You look tired. I have a cozy lit- By Barbara Blackburn
50 Knights of the Dinner Table® #213
 acter killed. They’re the penguin who sneaks hopes that I can some day repay them the
up behind the sleeping polar bear with cym- debt I owe. Perhaps the pelts from those bes-
bals just because. They often do this repeat- tial lizards will make a start.
edly. Don was my player like this. I had a great time with my first Roll20 experi-
In one of the first adventures I ran for him, ence and HM is every bit the fun I have come to
he was a dwarf. He and his merry band had expect. Looking forward to next week already!
been hired by a cartographer to escort the Those goram bandits won't know what hit
man to a high mountain platform that had them! —RonG
been constructed by giants to assist in his
mapping of the region. After some minor ad- TALK LIKE A PIRATE

ISimpsons
ventures, the group found the platform was
was playing a dwarven pirate and would
actually much larger than they’d anticipated
give him the Sea Captain voice from the
and had different areas. After some explo- and start every sentence of char-
ration, they discovered a colony of giant ants acter speech with "Argh,". So when I failed a
and decided, wisely, to set up camp far away. bluff check to imitate a lizard man it was de-
Don’s dwarf, however, felt the need to test cided I must have said "Argh... Hiss...." —
the limits of the world. He went alone to Tom Hodden
check out the ant colony and, without much
prompting, quickly fell into combat and was STOP CHECKING FOR TRAPPPP...AH!
overwhelmed. As it was a 2nd edition D&D
game, the dwarf, when he tried too late to
flee, found his 20-ft movement rate over- Ttakinghecomplained
first time I met with my new group, I
that the dungeon crawl was
too long while we looked for traps
DWARF SPEED whelmed by the ant’s 40-ft movement rate.
everywhere. Then my character immediately

T he requirement for one campaign we Another player, riding in on a pony to try to walked into a pit trap. The GM showed me
played in was “only short races: gnomes, save the dwarf, lassoed him and tried to drag where it was on the map of the module she
dwarves, halflings.” The rest of the world, him from the ants. The extra weight and the bought.—John Lach
other than the monsters, were also short. ants on the dwarf slowed the pony and the
Early on, our party became engaged in an ants overtook the pony, throwing the rider, CHARACTER STORY
who had sense enough to flee for his life. The

Iadopted.
epic battle against two ogres (TWO size cat-
remains of the dwarf and the pony were used to play a Warrior Gnome who had
egories larger than everyone, except the
never recovered.—havstr been raised by giants but never told he was
dwarf, and he was really just wide…).
—Steven Michael
Things were not going well. We were down
TANNER’S TALE
on hit points and had only taken out one of MUPPET GUT
the ogres—the other was still healthy and
swinging that big club like mad. T anner went to Raven's Bay a complete
green-horn with his sights sets on ad-
venture and glory. Less that a week later he BMuppet???"
ut if we heal the gaping wound in the
barbarian's gut, how can we use him as a
“What do we do?” someone asked.
finds himself in the company of adventurers
“Run!” was the first response. so bold and skilled, they already own their *does an almost perfect imitation of Kremlin
“We can’t run,” came a third, sullen and own mansion with staff, a coal mine and the Frog*
somber voice. more money than he had ever dreamed of "Hi, I'm Gornarr, faithful of the Battle Rager!
“Why not?” we asked. seeing. Better yet, his roommate is a pixie Hahahaha!"—Jarrett Sylvestre
“Have you ever seen Time Bandits?” fairy! A pixie fairy! They actually exist! My
first day out I walked into a giant fire ant and BAD HAIR DAY
That was all it took—the table broke down got knocked out before I could draw my

IGodscampaign
into fits of laughter. For those who haven’t weapon. I missed the entire fight! Well, we was the GM of a D&D session where the
seen it, you need to. got to the mines and I was ready to prove had reached a point that the
The scene he was referring to was the French myself. Entering the rough tunnels, I got had taken a liking to the characters, and
Revolution scene--- where the band of short jumped by another red ant that should have they had told the characters that if they died
people thieves are running for their lives….. ended my short adventuring career before it they would be brought back to life. They
and French soldiers are walking past at a got started, but the cleric was able to keep would lose all their equipment but never-
leisurely rate….—havster me this side of death's door. have proven theless, they would still be alive.
naught but my foolhardy eagerness and un- So the players was in a dungeon not far away
preparedness, those same folks then bought from their home city where they took a fire-
TALES OF DON me a set of metal armor and shield. Those ball from a not very friendly wizard. They sur-
things easily must have set them back nearly vived the fireball and killed the wizard, but
Epushing
very group has one—someone who tests
the bounds of what the DM will allow,
to see if they can actually get a char-
10gp, a sum of money I have not amassed in
my lifetime, and they hardly even know me!
afterwards when I was describing peoples’
damages, I told the female bard (with 22 in
I shall stick by the seasoned veterans in charisma) that her hair had gotten burnt so
51
she looked a mess. Well, it turns out that the cleric spell Silence monk decided to test his whistle. The goblins
No problems she said, I'll just hand over all had a pretty big bubble... big enough to reach attacked, in masse, a minute later, with the
my equipment to the rest of the party, and the second floor. My character cast the spell, ogre in tow.—Roger Brasslett
jump off this cliff to respawn.... I was sitting and we entered the house, finally finding the
there with my mouth wide open.. When I goblin had locked himself upstairs in the
study. The fighter decided to shield bash YOU’RE STICKING YOUR HEAD WHERE?
want to have the players rethink their idea, I

Thean ambush
always ask them; "Are you sure you want to through the door, and did well enough to adventuring party had just survived
do that?" So I asked her that question and she crash right through... barreling across the
in a forest and were looting
said yes. room... into the goblin... doing well enough
on his dice roll to slam him into and the bodies when one of the party members,
When I told her that the gods didnt look fa- *through* the second story window. All in Gwen, a Chaotic Good witch says, "Hey--
vorably upon people who jumped off cliffs complete silence. That session ended a bit an- look... that tree has a huge opening in it. I
only to get their hair back, she looked at me ticlimactically with said goblin smashed on stick my head in 'cause I'm chaotic like that."
like a "deer in the headlights" and finally the cobblestones below how study.—
when I told her that her character would not The rest of the party became deathly silent,
Michael Althauser
be respawned and that her character was re- looking at her in disbelief.
ally dead, she ran crying out of the room. DON’T MESS WITH JUGGY I said, "Gwen, you're Chaotic Good--not
Everyone else in the room burst out laugh-
OtheSuper
ne time while playing the TSR Marvel Chaotic Stupid."
ing.—Alexander Nyheim
Heroes RPG with friends one of Everybody burst into laughter and she said,
KILLER SOUND, DUDE! guys was playing a ninja or Batman-ish "Oh yeah, guess I'm *not* sticking my head
type of character. He was a non powered in-
I recently thought my Cleric could use Sound in there."—Efrem Jasso
dividual like Batman or Captain America but
Burst spells like a flash-bang to confuse and extremely confident in his abilities and his
distract the villains in a keep guards room force of presence. We ended up in New York POLE WEAPON VAULT
while we charged in and subdued them. Un-
Yschool
fighting the Juggernaut. This character stuck ears ago, back when I was still in High
fortunately I may have over estimated the hit a pose with arms crossed and demanded that
dice of the guards and killed most of them Juggy "halt". Judge has Juggy flick his fingers and playing with my original
outright....—Tom Hodden at the character's chest and then rolled a per- gaming buddies we were playing ROLE-
fect 100. We (other players) couldn't stop MASTER, my fighter was on horseback and
THE SOUND OF SILENCE laughing while the judge tried to figure out if charged a wolf riding goblin, if you know

Iguyandwasinourcomplete
the character was splattered to goo on the ROLEMASTER then you will know that it's
playing a LN cleric in a campaign once,
spot or flew through several buildings into
group ended up taking out the bad combat system is, well, rather complex (es-
the East River.—John Szalay
silence. We'd been after this pecially to young kids) three hours (no joke)
guy for ages, and discovered that he was a later I had a critical (failure that is) my lance
goblin magic-user, disguising himself as a WHISTLE
went point first into the ground and I vaulted
human and living in town. We found out he
was living basically in the middle of town, in
a little two-story house, and planned to go
Tcommunicate
he last time I ran the Caves of Chaos,
the party bought some signal whistles to
with in case they got sepa-
out of the saddle catapulted over the goblin
and landed head first breaking my neck....
in and capture him. rated. At the door to the goblin caves, the ooops—Alan Hume

Stay connected be-

tween issues of
your favorite Gam-
ing Company.

• Exclusive content
• Breaking News
• Webstore Specials

Don’t forget to join

the various KODT
and HackMaster
related groups
on Facebook
and Google+!!

52 Knights of the Dinner Table® #213

 MECHWARRIOR
PUBLISHER: FASA CORPORATION
TYPE: RPG
NUMBER OF PLAYERS: 2-6
PLAYING TIME: Unlimited
DESIGNER: Richard K. Meyer, Walter H. Hunt, Evan
Jamieson
DATE PUBLISHED: 1986
FREQUENCY: Common
GOING RATE/USED COPY: $4.89 on eBay
SCOUTED BY: Andy Miller

discovered Robotech in college. One of the local television sta-

i tions would run it in the afternoons and I could watch it on the lit-
tle black and white set in my dorm room. I caught it, luckily, right
from the beginning. Before that, I never realized I had any interest in Each attribute has a base saving roll target, the number or better that
gigantic mechs and the like, but it was such a great show that I got needs to be rolled on 2D6 for a success performing a specific action
quite an interest in it. Not long after that, I discovered there were some based on the attribute. Each also has a base skill role target, which is
games that included giant mecha, most prominent among them being the number that must be rolled or better to use a skill based on that at-
Battletech. However, I wasn’t really that interested in war games and tribute.
combat simulations because what was lacking in them for me, usu- Skills are also purchased with the initial character points given to
ally, was the story. That’s why I preferred role playing games. each player. Each level of the 25 different skills increased lowers the
Mechwarrior, which was produced a couple years after I discov- target number by an number equal to the skill level. Mechwarriors’
ered Robotech, adds a role playing element to Battletech, allowing Learn Ability score is also the number of skills that may actually be in-
the players to play the mechwarriors, the pilots of these gigantic mon- creased. Each skill is based on a particular attribute. All the skills are de-
strous war machines of the 31st century. tailed and some skills are based on the average of two attributes. The
player can also attempt to get certain skill packages dependent on if
The 144-page books starts out with a fairly comprehensive history
he went to certain academies or universities. A few personal charac-
of human space going from the beginning of the 21st century to the
teristics can be bought as well as certain inborn abilities which can ei-
31st century. The game actually takes place in the year 3025. The short
ther be purchased, or taken to get more character points if they are
six-page history covers the different eras of humanity: Prelude (2001-
detrimental.
2100), Exodus (2102-2313), Consolidation (2314-2398), The Age of
War (2398-2550), Imperium and Reunification (2551-2600), The Good Determination of the character’s actual mech is a random roll
Years (2601-2750), Crisis and Civil War (2751-2784), and The Succes- though character points can be used to influence it. Players can roll up
sion Wars (2785-Present). It concisely details the history of the Bat- more than one mech with a steep additional cost. There are rules for
tletech universe from the Terran Alliance which lasted until the late combining character points into a large pool and then dividing them
24th century to reunification under the Star League to its final collapse up between the players as well.
in the mid 2750s and the breakup of the space around Sol into the five Other character types are described briefly, including techs, aero-
Successor States and the never ending wars that followed it. space fighters, and scouts. NPCs are touched upon with a few base
Each mechwarrior has four physical and mental attributes: Body, NPCs given.
Dexterity, Learning Ability, and Charisma. Each attribute is rated from Characters can earn experience points each time they succeed at a
2-12 with six considered average. The game uses a point/buy system non-combat die against one of the skills or saving roll against a phys-
with no cost to have a six in each score. Scores higher than six cost ical attribute. The amount of experience is dependent upon the die
more points, whereas taking scores lower than six give points back. roll. Experience points can also be gained during combat and the
53
amount of experience determines the character’s class level: green, There are new rules for calling in off-board artillery fire and, during
regular, veteran, and elite. Experience points can also be used to in- the end phase, mechwarriors wounded in their mech must check to
crease physical attributes, increase skill levels, purchase personal con- maintain consciousness based upon Mechwarrior rules. Pilot and gun-
tacts, or purchase personal titles. nery skills can also be used to increase the chance of hitting and there
There are random tables to determine the size of the mech unit that are some more detailed rules for ejection, scavenging mechs, and re-
the player characters are a part of, as well as aerospace support and the pairs.
unit type and affiliation. There are notes about creating NPC mech- The book also includes random encounter tables that can be used
warriors to bolster out the units group, as well as quick stats for tech- to either mix it up or make the game more interesting. They are rolled
nicians, aerospace personnel, recon personnel, and the like. Random on a week by week frequency. There are some standard enemy forces
charts are included to determine the initial unit assets and the book here as well as major events that are determined by the GM in advance
gives some details on typical battlemech assignments. to create a major story arc for the campaign.
Equipment is detailed including medical equipment and repair The economics of Battletech are discussed, as are mercenaries and
equipment (with a chart showing what kind of repair equipment is how to actually make cash as a mercenary (not an easy endeavor).
needed to repair specific mech parts). Robots are here, as well as se- Land holdings, household personnel, and the like are also covered. The
curity systems and personal equipment such as weapons, armor, ve- appendices give detailed information on all five of the Successor States
hicles, and the like. Mech components are described in detail and as well as Comstar, the “neutral” interstellar communications network
charts are included for cost and availability for everything (even entire that works with them all. The games on Solaris VII are briefly described,
mechs). as is the New Avalon Institute of Science and the Periphery, those free
Combat in Mechwarrior is almost identical to Battletech, just on a planetary systems outside the actual control of the Successor States
smaller scale. Each round has several phases: Initiative, Movement, at this time.
Reaction, Ranged Attack, Melee, and Damage Adjustment. During Ini- Hyperdrive technology and jumpships are detailed as well. Finally,
tiative, each character rolls 2D6 and adds any modifiers based on Dex- more information on titles and nobility are in the back of the book, as
terity and the like. Those with the lowest rolls actually move first, well as a character sheet. In the center of the book are numerous beau-
allowing those who rolled higher to declare after their opponents. tiful full-color illustrations of equipment, mechs, and house uniforms.
Movement goes from the lowest initiative to the highest and, de- Mechwarrior is pretty basic when it comes to the rules, mimicking
pendent upon what movement the mechwarrior chooses, gives him a the Battletech rules almost exactly. What is more invaluable about the
certain number of movement points to stand still, crawl, walk, dodge, book is the background information on the Successor States, the his-
run, or sprint. Moving through hexes costs more points dependent tory of the universe of Battletech, and information and ideas about
upon the terrain. There is information on riding movement, vehicle what kind of people make it up. One of the things that never inter-
movement, and even planet side travel rates. ested me much about Battletech is that it’s just fight after fight for re-
During the reaction phase, characters may adjust their facing up to sources in a dying culture. There’s very little story. Mechwarrior, though
60 degrees, with the highest initiative score going before the lower. as a role playing game doesn’t expand the game greatly, gives a vast
During the ranged attack phase, all characters with ranged amount of information on the history and past and present of the Bat-
weapons and a clear line of sight can fire said weapons against those tletech universe.
in range. All attacks are considered simultaneous and line of sight and We actually had a great time playing this one. Character creation
range modifiers are added to the roll to see if a shot hits. There are also was relatively simple and, though the combat system doesn’t flow like
rules for burst fire, aimed fire, and weapons fire at mechs. Armor in others, it is easy enough to get a handle on and works for the game.
the game soaks damage dependent upon the type of armor that is The combat is pretty much identical to combat for Battletech, taken to
worn. The melee combat phase takes place if two opponents are in a smaller scale. Overall, it was good fun though I wish the book had
adjacent hexes. A roll is made against the appropriate skill with 2D6 come with some kind of introductory scenario. I ended up making up
and, if high enough, a hit has been scored. A few rules are here for one myself based on the random events tables, which made for the
aimed shots, coshing, and grappling/tackling as well. interesting story of a group of mercenaries being hired by a baronet on
During the damage adjustment phase, damage is determined. a backwater world and learning that said baronet was negotiating for
Damage location is first rolled on a chart and that damage is marked the location of a lost Star League facility on the planet. The mercs got
off the appropriate place on the mechwarrior character sheet. The involved in the negotiation without really knowing what was going
amount of damage a mechwarrior can take is his Body score x10, which on. In the end, they were booted off world and told never to return.
is then distributed amongst his body on the character sheet. If dam- As a combat game and having rules for an rpg, Mechwarrior is fairly
age is more than that body area, it gets worse for the mechwarrior. If slim. However, as background information for the entirety of Bat-
the damage indication die rolls are doubles (11, 22, 33, 44, 55, or 66), tletech, the game is invaluable. With the random charts here and back-
a critical hit has occurred with numerous terrible, horrible things that ground on the houses that was not detailed in the original Battletech
can happen. A consciousness roll is also important and each mech- boxed set, you can run a heck of a tabletop rpg. You can’t really play
warrior has a specific Hit-To-Kill (HTK); whenever damage knocks him Mechwarrior without Battletech so owning both games is key. There
down a certain amount dependent upon it, he must make a save not are not enough rules for mechs to run an effective Battletech combat,
to lose consciousness. but in the same way the third edition Battletech boxed set I own does-
Healing and medical treatment are covered as well. Different types n’t go into the background and information of the universe enough to
of medical care must wait a certain amount of time before they can be keep my interest.
used again unless better medicine is applied to the character. Mechwarrior is a valuable and crucial part of Battletech and makes
The game adds a few rules for playing Battletech. In Mechwarrior, for a great tabletop rpg.
characters can improve their side’s initiative score with certain skills.
54 Knights of the Dinner Table® #213
 Gen Con Ho!
if we’ll even playtest 5E GenCon might be my only chance to play it.
Wizards of the Coast’s GenCon page is surprisingly underwhelming.
They list the events their offering at the convention, but the descrip-
tions are bare bones and details on the D&D All Access Pass are sparse
considering tickets for north of $150. I was expecting more pomp and
circumstance on the page, given that D&D 5E is coming out.
That said, the other game companies I regularly follow Paizo and
Pinnacle Entertainment Group had simple GenCon pages as well.
Paizo’s GenCon page has their official call for volunteers, and a run-
down of the Pathfinder Society events being offered. They also dis-
cuss this year’s GenCon exclusive: Bonekeep, Level 3: The
Wakening Tomb, the follow up to Ruins of Bonekeep, Levels 1 and
2. Pinnacle’s GenCon page also seeks to rally the troops. They give tips
on how to submit events (include [SVG] in the title and keep it under
30 characters, limit scenario descriptions to 50 characters) and explain
how to get in touch with their Marketing Manager to get a promo-
tional coupon for running their games. The deadline for this year’s Gen-
Con was June 15, but it’s good to keep in mind for next year. GenCon
here was a time when I’d go to GenCon every year. Unfortunately was a huge convention the last time I went, and it’s only gotten big-

T those times are long gone … but there will be an echo of them
in 2014 when I head back to the show for the first time since
2007. I began my trek with the official GenCon website, where I signed
ger. My advice then (and now) is that it’s best to hit the gaming mecca
with a plan..
I’m not the only one who hits GenCon with a plan. Sly Flourish’s
up for my badge and a few months later ran the registration gauntlet “Gaming Convention Survival Guide” offers lots of solid advice
to sign up for events. The process was considerably different than last such as drinking lots of water, bringing healthy snacks etc.).
time you add all the events you want to a wishlist, prioritize them, Living Dice’s “Painfully Specific Gen Con 2013 Preparation
and then eagerly wait for registration go-live. You then try and be the Guide” echoes their advice. They suggest using a cheap Brita water
first one to click the “Register” button … and then wait to see where filter to make tap water taste better, brining painkillers and antacids
you fall in the queue. I was number 3,670. for those inevitable headaches and heartburn, and a cold weather
This turned out to be far too high a number to get into the morn- jacket to help deal with the powerful air conditioning.
ing track of D&D All-Access Pass that I’d carefully negotiated with my
wife to purchase. It was also too high to get most of the events on my
wish list. Fortunately though it was fast, and I was quickly able to find GEN CON
other games, add them to my wish list, and get registered. The site http://www.gencon.com
tanked once during this process, but recovered quickly enough. In the THE HIGH PROGRAMMER
end I was able to get most of the D&D 5th Edition events I was look- http://gencon.highprogrammer.com/gencon-indy-2014.cgi
ing for as well as games of Pathfinder, Serenity, Savage Worlds, http://www.highprogrammer.com/alan/gaming/cons/index.html
13th Age, and Dragon Age. I’m still hoping to get into a game of TRUE DUNGEON
Eclipse Phase, but it’s warring with a desire to wander the conven- http://truedungeon.com
tion floor (and the fact that there were no game slots left). WIZARDS OF THE COAST AT GEN CON
http://www.wizards.com/DnD/Feature.aspx?x=dnd/feature/gencon
The High Programmer has been a great boon to my GenCon plan- PAIZO AT GEN CON 2014
ning. His annual event lists are often easier and faster to browse than http://paizo.com/paizo/blog/v5748dyo5lfx4?News-about-Gen-Con-
GenCon’s own tool, and doesn’t require authentication. He’s also posted 2014-and-Official-Call-for
a number of advice articles including the “GenCon Survival Guide” and SAVAGE WORLDS AT GEN CON 2014
“Tips for Game Masters at Conventions” but unfortunately while the https://www.peginc.com/tag/gen-con/
events guide is current, many of the articles are long in the tooth. GAMING CONVENTION SURVIVAL GUIDE
I remember hearing about True Dungeon, the problem-solving, http://slyflourish.com/gaming_convention_survival_guide.html
shuffle-board battling, real-life dungeoncrawl at GenCon 2007. It’s not LIVING DICE: A PAINFULLY SPECIFIC GEN CON
my cup of tea, but clearly thousands disagree with me. Wikipedia re- 2013 PREPARATION GUIDE
ports the event offered 7,500 tickets in 2013; no word on how many http://www.livingdice.com/8289/a-painfully-specific-gen-con-2013-
of those sold, but given the True Dungeon website said 6,000 were of- preparation-guide/l
fered in 2012, I’m guessing quite a lot. My main reason for going to
GenCon this year is play the next edition of Dungeons & Dragons.
The Edition Wars hit my gaming group pretty hard, and I don’t know

55
 Mobile Frame Zero
BY: D. VINCENT BAKER, JOSHUA A.C. NEWMAN,
SOREN ROBERTS AND F. SEBASTIAN BAKER
SCOUTED BY: Ashok Desai

've been writing this column for some time now and, as On the other hand if you're not a Lego-crazy collector already,
much as I love Indie RPGs, I thought I'd fancy a change. So you're going to have to get the bricks to make these models from
this week, I'm going to be playing with Lego. Er, I mean, somewhere. Lego has their own single-brick purchase system
'reviewing an Indie Tabletop Wargame'. And playing with Lego. on their website, but I found they did not supply some of the
Fortunately for me, Mobile Frame Zero lets you do both at key parts required to make some models in this manual so you
the same time. On the face of it I'm surprised nobody has come may find you need to search the third-party brick aggregators for
up with this concept before. Build your unit models out of Lego those rare parts, buy full model kits to get them or else modify
and you not only have an attractive model that doesn't need to the designs slightly. The models in the book don't use a huge
be glued or painted, but you can also take it to pieces and turn amount of parts – around 60 on average, which isn't as many as
it into a different model if you, like myself, fancy a change. it sounds – and most of them are fairly standard, but you'd be
There's something very therapeutic about putting a model to- surprised how sophisticated the end result looks.
gether, each little brick clicking firmly into place as the general Once you do have the parts to hand, the building instructions
shape slowly forms. for each robot suit are clear and precise, just like a real Lego prod-
I'm going to kick off the review by talking about these mod- uct. There's little chance of going wrong. With six mobile frame
els because they really are extremely professionally done. The designs included in the book and ample guidance for making
units in this wargame are Lego Mechs, giant piloted robots that your own, there's also plenty of choice.
stomp around the battlefield reigning terror in all direction. The You can even make the scenery out of Lego, making it easy to
blockiness of the Lego pieces really lends itself to the art of the knock up wide-ranging and diverse battlefields at the drop of a
mech, giving a real impression of large-scale mechanisms in hat if you've the cash for all the little plastic bits. Lego isn't cheap,
miniature. They look surprisingly sleek and deadly considering but then war gamers can generally expect to drop a lot of cash
they're made using a kid's toy. on miniatures and scenery in any case. At least with Lego there's
a good chance you'll already have some lying around the place.
Some of them are even articulated, or designed so that minor
modifications will allow the model to be posed. Yes, the models Really I have to say that, whether you play the wargame or
look amazing. They look even nicer in the occasional spot-art not, the book is almost worth buying for the models alone. If
that peppers the manual, where the same elegant models have only they could have sold the necessary pieces in kit form I would
been redrawn as real mecha in glorious full color. This is top- have been knee-deep in tiny plastic mecha by now.
notch art in a charming oil-painting style. Artists Emilee Denich But needs must we look at the game too. I can't just spend
and Richmont Gan have done a stellar job and could definitely all day playing with Lego, much as I would like to, so let's press
be names to watch in the future. on. The game's system revolves around the mech's systems,
56 Knights of the Dinner Table® #213
which themselves are represented by different colors of dice. Not Which brings me to another gripe – the amount of content.
my favorite kind of mechanic since I am colorblind, but a more Don't get me wrong, the book looks as beautiful as any Lego in-
universal problem with color-coded dice is that you have to buy struction manual. It's simply that it contains about as much text.
a lot of dice – up to ten if you only ever plan on using a single On average even the text-heavy pages can't have more than 200
mech in a combination of six and eight sided varieties. Most se- – 300 words on 'em. Still, there's just shy of 220 pages in the
rious gamers will probably not be worried about this though as manual. Sparse as they are, there's still a fair amount of content
they will already have enough dice to choke a whale. here and the large amount of white space makes for a comfort-
The dice you use are based upon what systems you add to your able, if unchallenging, read. It might have been easier to refer
mech, and these must be easily distinguished parts of your little to at the gaming table if the rules could have been presented on
Lego model. Why? Because when your mech gets damaged you a couple of pages, cheat sheet style, but the game is simple
have to pull 'em off to demonstrate which bits are now inoper- enough that this is not going to be necessary much of the time.
able! This in turn reduces the dice you have at your disposal. Neat, Its simplicity is in a very real way its strength. There is no need
informative, elegant and it fits right into the narrative of the bat- for extended 'army lists' or tables and tables of weapon specifi-
tle. Unlike any other war game I've ever seen, you can actually cations because one simple system covers everything. This is per-
see at a glance which units are faring badly from the look of the haps the first war game I've ever picked up that I've felt I could
model itself! enjoy playing on a regular basis without having to constantly
I'm also rather taken with the dice system. There's a large worry about improving my army, painting a ton of lead in bright
number of dice floating around because all of them are rolled si- contrasting shades, or shouting half-invented obscenities in or-
multaneously at the beginning of your turn. You don't decide cish (aka a really bad Cockney accent) at my confused opponent.
what you want to do with the values you roll until after you've There's also a heck of a lot of additional content in here aside
rolled them. This makes for a far simpler and far more tactical from the actual rules of play. There's a good chunk of information
approach to randomness. about the world that the game is set in for example, so much so
Yes, there's still an element of chance involved which is good that it wouldn't be at all difficult to run the game as an RPG
because it helps shake things up a bit. Nothing kills a strategy rather than a straight-up wargame and I for one would welcome
game faster than a single killer strategy that gets repeated ad some out-of-the-mech rules and guidelines designed to turn it
nauseum, much to the chagrin of the other players, and random into such. I was particularly fond of the squishy land-jellyfish
rolls help to prevent that. On the other hand making the roll be- aliens that symbiotically attach themselves to host animals.
fore you decide what to do with it means that you're never in the Other highlights in the manual include advice on making your
position of deciding on an awesome strategy only to have it fail own mech models and scenery from whatever spare Lego you
because of bad dice. If you don't have the numbers you need to have lying around, some cool hints and tips about adjusting the
accomplish what you wanted to do, you can always try some- experience to your gaming group's tastes, and some brief strat-
thing else. egy hints. None of these added extras are extensive; they're more
I'm also very fond of the rules for spotting. A mech with com- like info-bites, but they provide enough inspiration for a rea-
munications systems can 'Spot' targets for allies by placing a yel- sonably intelligent gamer to work with and in the end that's all
low die next to them. The value on this die can then be added to you need.
the attack roll of another mech on the same team. This adds a Overall I'm very impressed with Mobile Frame Zero, and I
simple but strong element of teamwork to the game, as well as don't say that often about a war game. The use of Lego playing
neatly abstracting the practice of having a forward observer light pieces is an inspired, if expensive, move. The rules are minimal-
up targets for long-range bombardment. ist without sacrificing strategy, there's no army books to buy and
One thing I'm not so fond of is the damage mechanics. When relatively few tables to refer to, and the game's background set-
an attack is made against a target you must compare the dam- ting is charming and well-rounded enough to float a more char-
age dice rolled to a number of charts to see how much pain oc- acter-driven game with a little house-ruling. If you're a hardcode
curs. There are five different charts for such things as war gamer that really needs intricately detailed rules for every-
hand-to-hand combat, ranged combat, shooting at targets in thing it might not suit, but personally I think that simplicity is
cover, shooting at targets behind other targets and finally shoot- bliss. Mobile Frame Zero could easily act as a gateway game to
ing at empty cover just for the hell of it. The charts are very, very the hobby for any younger gamers who have not already been
simple to read, but I would much rather have seen a mechanic drawn in by the slick razzmatazz and targeted marketing of com-
that expressed the process in a single stroke, or at least have had panies like Games Workshop, and I'd venture to say that, like Lego
all the tables on a single page of the manual rather than spread itself, it has plenty to offer the older, more refined afficionado of
out over no less than four pages. the genre as well.
57
 Three Sides of a Genre:
THE ZOMBIE STORY
He also does a surprising amount of research to make his events feel plau-
sible to the reader—everything from the politics and cultures of different
countries, corporate opportunism, military tactics, right down to the pseudo-
science of how the zombies work. Experts in these fields can no doubt nitpick
accuracy, but for the average reader, it works well.
Another approach is a classic story that technically isn’t about zombies at
all: I Am Legend by Richard Matheson (1954). While technically the infec-
tion makes people more akin to vampires, the ramifications are largely the
same as a zombie outbreak. For most of the book the infected are mindless or
insane, spreading the infections like rabies, and it isn’t until towards the end
Braaaaains… that we see something else evolve.
unny how the most recognizable thing about zombies actually comes In fact, it can be argued that this book is single handily responsible for the
from a comedy rather than an actual horror (Return of the Living zombie apocalypse theme as we know it. George Romero cited it as an influ-
Dead). But it also points out just how wide and varied the genre can be. ence on his own zombie films. And the recent trend of plague based zombie
Once upon a time you just had slow shuffling Romero zombies. Now you have films like 28 Days Later borrows even more from it.
insanely fast zombies, plague zombies, zombies infected by cellphone signals,
zombies developed as bio-weapons, we just seem to love the living dead. But But in this day and age it must be difficult to find a fresh way to reach the
of course what makes a zombie story work has little to do with the creatures end-of-days, or for an outbreak to break through all of our contingencies. I
themselves (with some exceptions, like Warm Bodies). mean, if the real CDC has a zombie strategy on the books, you need to come up
They say there are three basic types of story from which all others spring with something they’re not expecting, right?
forth: Man against Man, Man against Nature, and Man against Himself. The Enter Euphoria-Z by Luke Ahearn (2014), the start of a new series which
zombie apocalypse contains all three. takes a unique route on the road to Z-Day: make it unbelievably pleasurable.
Zombies are effectively a force of nature. They are not a sentient life form In this case the infection was unleashed intentionally as part of a sinister
that can be reasoned with in any way, they are a plague of mindless human plot. To start off with the infected are blissfully happy and seeking out pleas-
sized carnivorous locust, and you pretty much have to go Leiningen vs the Ants ure anywhere they can find it. What others want doesn’t matter, only their
on them. But soon enough you find that your fellow survivor can be a bigger own desires, and they are oblivious to pain, lost in their euphoric haze. The
threat than the zombie hoards, and in the end the struggle isn’t whether or not end of the earth comes not with a bang, but the biggest gang bang in history.
you can survive. It’s whether you can hold onto your own humanity.
Unfortunately for those who released the plague, the dead don’t stay dead.
But as the popularity of a genre increases, it becomes harder and harder to
find something new to say about it. So I’m going to look at a few unique ways If the focus of your story is on isolation and survival (like I Am Legend)
it’s been done. then having a single character focus is okay. But if your story tries to take the
larger world into account (like World War Z) you should probably have several.
Max Brooks’ excellent novel World War Z (2006) takes a couple of unique
approaches to the zombie genre: a) treat it as a documentary and b) explain Euphoria-Z does the latter, providing different perspectives to this world
how we win. The latter is especially surprising since until recently zombie sto- gone mad and how they cope not just with the undead, but also the violent
ries always tended to end on a bleak note. survivors, the prejudiced, and even cultists taking advantage of the new free
The documentary approach takes on the form of transcribed interviews. A world. Like a Romero movie, the story picks a wide range of survivors to follow,
man from the UN visits various key people in different countries, chronicling the ranging from naive to sociopathic, in order to convey different parts of hu-
origins of the outbreak, how it spread, failed attempts at containment, hu- manity, or what’s left of it.
manity being brought to the brink, and how things turned around. While you Though the nature and themes might change, it’s likely the zombie genre
can argue that it’s not as scary since you know the interviewees lived to tell will always be around. Even if it falls out of favor in our lifetimes, you can be
their tales, that’s like saying war stories from soldiers who survived D-Day aren’t sure it will someday rise from the dead, hunting for a new generation of
exciting. readers.
58 Knights of the Dinner Table® #213
 loud. I knew immediately you were parodying the Fit society - struggling fast food workers, perennial col-
Bit. My wife and I been using ours for about four lege students, small game shop owners, even ex-cons,
months and we’re really loving them. for example.
I hope you publish, Patty’s ‘methodology’ for re- Rarely do you hear of successful doctors, lawyers,
warding E-pees and treasure in exchange for steps. I politicians, or business executives who freely admit
could actually see that catching on. (Oh, and damn to a love of gaming, and when you do they are often
you by the way. Because I read KODT I now refer to portrayed as either childish or as dark, suspect
XP’s as E-Pees and we play Pathfinder. So it confused characters who are acting out violent fantasies.
the hell out of my players.) Yet we know these people exist, sometimes even
I’m wondering if the strip was inspired by the fact high-profile authors, actors, and professionals, and in
you guys use them as well. increasing numbers are willing to be open about their
Eric R.  hobby and its place in their lives.
Indeed, Eric. My wife and I have both been using Frankly, it's ridiculous - my colleagues have often
FitBits since, April and we love them as well. And yes referred to me as creative, a good team player,
they did inspire the Patty strip. We find one of the un- friendly, and unafraid of talking in front of groups. I
expected benefits of our long daily walks is we con- wonder how they think I discovered and nurtured
stantly come up with ideas for the comic. ;) — Jolly those things?
Rebecca S. 
THANKS!!
A
It’s true, Rebecca. Among our own ranks here at Ken-
s the subheading indicates, this is a sounding Just a short note from a long time reader. I grew zerCo we have an attorney (a VP at Google) and a
board where gamers can give their two-cents’ up with Knights of the Table in our house. My mom
worth on whatever seems to rile them. So pull back the nuclear engineer. I also know we have a lot of
was a reader/subscriber since the start. We spent a professional-types among our readers. Doctors,
curtain and come on in the Back Room. You can leave
that thin skin at the door, but be sure to bring your LOT of time reading the issues together. When I was lawyers, teachers, you name it.
opinions with you. Note that due to space limitations younger she read them to me (She had a different
some letters are edited. voice for all the characters). Your letter was of particular interest because not so
Got something to say? We wanna hear it. Just use one too long ago, it was revealed that a Judge (who hap-
of the following options;
Mom passed away last year. I inherited her KODT pens to run an RPG company on the side) happened to
: Via ONLINE FORUM Just pop over to www.kenz- collection. For a long time I couldn’t read them. Too play role-playing games. His opponents latched on to
erco.com and visit our discussion forums. many memories that reminded me of her. But I’m that fact and used it to question his character (“oooo -
: via E-MAIL Send your strip ideas, reader mail, back. I’ve picked up an issue one day and I laughed. he lives in a fantasy world...”). Course he had other
back room fodder and questions to jolly@kenzerco.com. And I knew, if she had been there, she would have
: via SNAIL MAIL Or write to us at KODT c/o issues his opponents had a beef with but it was
laughed too. Just picked up all the back issues I disheartening to see they went after the fact he hap-
KenzerCo, 511 W Greenwood Ave, Waukegan, IL 60087. missed and I’m caught up. pened to game. — Jolly
Just wanted to pass that along.
FIT BUDDIES GAMERS LEAGUE OF MUNCIE
Brian W. 
Hey Jolly and gang! Issue 210 was a great read. I Wow, just WOW —
love all the intrigue and secret meetings going on. The PROFESSIONALS WHO GAME loved the Jack Kirby
pace is really moving along at a nice clip. I can hardly Everyone in this position probably has a story idea tribute on the cover of
wait to see how this turns out. for you, and I admit I am no exception. I am a suc- Knights of the Dinner
Had to write because when I read the strip where cessful attorney, practicing tax and ERISA/pension law Table #210.
by day and gaming (and riding horses) nights and I’m actually the
Patty gifts her players with “Fit Buddies” I laughed out
weekends. proud owner of a
for THOSE of Recently I met a young lady at- Justice League of
I’M IN¡¡
us who have RE- tending law school, and something America issue 1 and it
PLACED HIPS...
she said caught my attention - she I got quite a kick receiv-
YEAH, ME TOO!! we get some sort said she was relieved, that she was ing this special issue of
of HANDICAP...?
afraid once she graduated and Knights in the mail. Hoody Frickin’ Hoo!!
you had me began practicing as a lawyer, she'd The Fraims rocked it. Keep up the good work. I
chad...? \ wonder how
at BONUS have to hide her love for gaming as hope more classic comic parodies are on the way.
E-PEES! LATE nitro’s
really? GYM is open? none of her colleagues would un-
derstand or share it. Jeff Penskey 
I realized how often gamers are Indeed there are, Jeff. Stay tuned.. — Jolly 
portrayed in books and the press as
somewhat marginal members of

READ
KODT
ONLINE!

59
 ADVANCED SORCERY
Chaosium • www.chaosium.com

A dvanced Sorcery is a Magic World supplement with more

information and rules on various different kind of magic for
the Magic World Fantasy RPG.
The game covers several different kinds of magic including ad-
vanced sorcery; deep magic, which deals with the fundamental
nature of the universe; the summoner’s art, with details on sum-
moning demons, elementals and the like; necromancy, the
magic of the dead, with a few dead creature stats as well; and
rune magic, the magic of inscribing symbols to cast spells. Each
type of magic has plenty of background information, rules, and a slew of new spells to go with it.
There are also some additional rules revisiting degrees of success and giving more options for criti-
cal hits, as well as handling character skills that are over 100%. Herbalism is discussed and several
SEND REVIEW COPIES TO: different herbs and compounds are added. Fey Magic of the Southern Reaches is explored as well
KODT: BRIAN’S PICKS as numerous spells for the fairy folk.
309 S. Dilger Ave. BRIAN’S RATING: Great addition to a Magic World library.
Waukegan, IL 60085

CHAINS TO CHAMPIONS WORLD WAR CTHULHU

Brick Warriors • www.BrickWarriors.com Cubicle 7 • www.cubicle7.co.uk

Cit than
hains to Champions is a table-
top board game with a lot more to
you’d expect! Players go
C ubicle 7 offers us here a World War II
treatment for the Call of Cthulhu, one
that has Investigators working for the
through the steps of acquiring gladia- mysterious N, a British Intelligence spy-
tors through auction, training them, master.
and then putting them into battle to
see if they can survive. The book is a wealth of information
about the second World War including
The game begins with health, quick-
extensive information about the intelli-
ness, and strength cards being shuffled and set up in seven face
gence agencies of the time, background
down piles, each pile representing one gladiator. Then players can
on Network N, information on creating an investigator for use during
bid on each one. Bribing can be used to see the cards in advance
WWII, new occupations, new skills, intelligence operating proce-
though getting caught can leave the player having to purchase a
dures, and small unit tactics. Background information on both N and
convict. Once they own their gladiators, players enter the market
the mythos during WWII is here with tons of great ideas. Intelligence
phase, using the coins they have left to purchase cards to give their
theaters are examined closely, several NPCs are presented, and
gladiator more experience, better weapons and armor, or special
equipment common during the war era is included.
abilities. Players can “work” instead of visiting the store to get more
Finally, the campaign setting “The God in the Woods” is presented,
money as well. Finally, in the last phase of the game, the gladiators
describing a small French town that is held by a cult who’s motives
are equipped using the dummies provided. Gladiators get various
are not entirely insane or evil. Investigators must not only deal with
weapons and armor and are then sent into the ring to fight. Com-
Nazis in the occupied territory but also with the locals and their own
bat is relatively simple, fast, and fun. The winner is basically the
intelligence investigation.
last man standing.
BRIAN’S RATING: Compatible with Lego or Brick Warrior figs
BRIAN’S RATING: Fantastic treatment of WWII era Cthulhu

hey -- 36,000
PEEPS -- it
Can’t HURT.

am \ RIGHT?

60 Knights of the Dinner Table® #213

61
 ARRR —I BUY STUFF!!
COMICS • GAMES • MTG
Pokemon-Yugioh, DVD Sets, Blu Ray Movies,
Role Playing Collections,Wargames, Painted
and Unpainted Miniatures
Even Used Dice (Please, no cursed dice)
Method 1: Email me your list and I will make a rough offer.
Method 2: Mail me your items and I will call you with my offer.
Marcus King – Games & Comics
103 London Shopping Center
London, KY 40741
marcusking@trollandtoad.com

les
Resin Terrain, Vehic
hings
and Dungeon Furnis
mberscove
http://tinyurl.com/a

mark your
Calendars --
no worries, hoss. KENZERCO
will be appearing
you can SUBSCRIBE to at the following
KODT and load up on BACK conventions in
ISSUES and other KENZERCO
products at www.kenzerco.com.
2014
GENCON • August 2014 • Indianapolis, IN
D20 Expo • August 2014, Brandenburg, KY
CON ON THE COB • October 2014 • Uniontown, OH
HROOO!! GameHole II • November 2014 • Madison, WI

The BABY
SITTING
MAGICIAN
Serving the
Muncie Area
Summon
KISS THE FISH!!! me today!!
Check out The Irresponsibles’ new CD Black Sun
visit:
http://www.cdbaby.com/Artist/TheIrresponsibles

WEIRD PETE S BULLETIN BOARD

is a meeting place where readers may pass along information, barter, trade and gossip. Readers are invited to place classified ads, announce group meetings, seek out other players,
etc. Subscribers of KODT may place classified ads free of charge with a limit of one ad per issue and a maximum of twenty-five words. Non-Subscribers may place ads at the rate of
50¢ per word with a limit of 25 words. Companies may place ads at the following rates: [5.5” x 2” - $175], [2.75” x 2” - $95], [1.5” x 1” - $50]. Non-profit organizations (serving the
gaming community) and Conventions or Seminars may place ads for free. All ads are placed on a first-come first-served basis with subscribers having priority.
 very issue a LOT of material ends up on the cutting room
Edeemed
floor. From material that threatens to derail a strip, is
unsuitable or simply because there’s no room I
find myself constantly pulling panels (and even complete
pages) to the side that never see the light of day again. The
following panels were all pulled from the Road to Hack (Car
Wars parody) that appeared in KODT #153. Jolly

so \ get SMEARED along the WALL

for 75 feet - taking 139 points and you were so, \ was
of ARMOR PLATING damage. carrying THERMITE? wrong.
yeah - that’s
at least \ DIED apparently
you EXPLODE gonna leave
with VAN HALEN BULLDOZERS
in a BALL of blastin’ on the RADIO! a CRATER!!
really are
FIRE, EDDIE! EFFECTIVE!!

Gut-Punching Mayhem in Small Doses

check it out!! this baby is fitted with a TITANIUM CHASSIS,

yeah, yeah, eddie \’m AWARE a customized 540 BBC 8:71 HI-HELIX 1,500 HORSE POWER
you have a 95% skill rating engine with PUSHA ACTUATORS, custom demons, dual
in EMERGENCY FIRST AID and a swap fire cam, taylor wires and an ONBOARD tactical
65% in FIRST RESPONDER CARE. COMPUTER with ANTICIPATORY targeting fire-system!!

you STILL four powder-coats of heat concealment paint, dark

can’t make a -tinted privacy windows and a GLOVE BOX drink dispenser.
SKILL CHECK to pusha actuators? that’s
see if you can what’s that? no smart alecky
like givin’ a SOW
REVIVE, stevil. REPLY, big guy? really...?
PIG a boob job
what’s the point?
performing CPR not feelin’ so COCKY now are ya?
requires your
VICTIM has
huh...? oh...
a HEAD!!
sorry \
was just
calculating the
blast radius on
my NUCLEAR
TIPPED
caltrops...

w-wadda ya MEAN
hey what happened to our DEAL...? he SLITS my throat...?!!

we take the FAT GUYS out first. \ was bein’ a GOOD SAMARITAN!!!

THEN we turn on each other. well the joke’s

no son you were on him my
first rule of ROAD HACK “all bein’ a DUMBASS...!! GAS CARD
AGREEMENTS are off when the is MAXED OUT
RUBBER hits the ASPHALT”..!! pickin’ up strangers and \’m on an
is ALWAYS a very bad idea. 1/8th of a tank!
uh huh... you know what lightin’ up yer
VANITY PLATE with pickin’ up HITCHHIKERS
the SECOND RULE is?
some CHAIN-FED in ROAD HACK...?!! just
“those who 50. CAL love taps, an INVITATION to a
ABIDE by the SWEETHEART!!! BODY BAG, TANK!
FIRST RULE
get THROAT
PUNCHED!”

a-
ok -
ho ka
-s h00
-s

63
Fuzzy Knights By Noah Chinn

64 Knights of the Dinner Table® #213

If you pre-order, you'll receive the print edition of this
gorgeous book as soon as it arrives in our warehouse.

A special benefit of pre-ordering is that you'll receive

the PDF version immediately bundled for free with
your order! The file will be incrementally updated as
new material and tweaks are incorporated.
Your purchase allows you to continually
re-download the file to receive updates as the
document is rev'd to the final release version.

http://tinyurl.com/hackmastergmg
 HACKMASTER BASIC HACKMASTER BASIC PLUS HM PLAYERS HANDBOOK
FREE!! Get everything you need to play $9.99 -- mere copper pieces. HMb+ features The other options are nice but nothing beats
HackMaster new edition. Just go to our expanded rules, price lists, skills, spells, and the feeling of this premium 400 page, leathered
website, download and CLAIM your prize! more. Priced to be easy on the wallet and book in your hands jam packed with the
put you at the table with a fistful of dice. full rules, pro-tips, lists and examples of play.