OET WRITING CORRECTION SERVICE
SAMPLE - MEDICINE
2nd August 2021
Ms. Julia Wilson
Psychologist
New Horizon Counselling
288 Herston Rd
QLD
Re: Mr. Aron Steve, aged 25 Commented [ESL1]: DOB: 07/10/1996
(Write DOB in the reference line if given in the case
notes. In that case, mention the age of the patient in
Dear Ms. Wilson, the introduction.)
I am writing this letter to refer Mr. Aron Steve, a single chemistry lab assistant, who has been diagnosed Commented [ESL2]: 25-year-old
with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), for cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). (Marital status and department name are irrelevant to
the reader.)
Commented [ESL3]: is under treatment for
Mr. Steve is an only child of her single mother, who was hemiplegic and struggled with heroin addiction.
(The clinical status should be accurate)
His father had left his mother before his birth. Please note that, he is a moderate smoker and consumes
Commented [ESL4]: his
4-5 beers daily.
Commented [ESL5]: is
He was diagnosed with dyslexia at the age of 5 years. Initially, he presented on 17/07/2016 with Commented [ESL6]: (It is already conveyed that
the mother is single.)
symptoms of depression with a low suicide risk and was started on escitalopram and lorazepam.
Subsequently, remission was achieved when he presented in two months, however, there was an Commented [ESL7]: Mr. Steve
(Avoid using gender pronouns at the first occurrence in
aggravation of symptoms when he presented the following year. This time, there was a high suicide risk, a paragraph.)
therefore, antidepressant medication was restarted, with an increase in dose, which stabilized him. (The same correction rule applies in the rest of the
letter wherever repeated.)
On 16/05/2021, he presented with features of OCD, such as repetitive handwashing, frequent Commented [ESL8]: ;
unavoidable thoughts regarding contamination and anxiety. Consequently, he was diagnosed with OCD Commented [ESL9]: ;
and started on sertraline 25mg daily. This was increased to 50mg two weeks later after no significant Commented [ESL10]: (Avoid irrelevant
improvement. information and brief the content further.)
In this case, irrelevant information: Exact dates, details
of symptoms, previous medications
Unfortunately, Mr. Steve has presented today with compulsions of the same intensity, causing severe
anxiety and reduced functionality at work. Accordingly, the medication regime was modified to sertraline in childhood and mild depression in 2016, which
100mg once daily and alprazolam 0.5mg. progressed to high suicidal thinking that required
admission in 2017.
In view of the above, the patient is referred to you for CBT to enhance the treatment efficaccy and Commented [ESL11]: (Avoid 'connectors for
empathy' if possible.)
addressal of his psychological conflicts.
Commented [ESL12]: has been
(The efficacy of the medicine is not yet known.)
If you have any query, please do not hesitate to contact me.
Commented [ESL13]: Mr Steve
(Avoid using ‘the/this/my/a patient’; it is less polite.)
Yours sincerely,
Commented [ESL14]: queries
Doctor
Report
Word Length 233
Comments The purpose is stated and developed sufficiently in the letter, but
the clinical status is misleading in the introduction.
The reference line is not appropriately framed. The letter tries to
include relevant case notes, but it includes irrelevant/redundant
information/details also. The word count significantly exceeds the
desired limit. *Style and tone are not appropriate in places. The
letter is organized and laid out generally well. There are
inaccuracies pertaining to spelling, capitalization, vocabulary,
punctuations, basic grammar and sentence structure.
Overall, the letter needs improvement.
Estimated Grade C+
Estimated Score 320/500
Advice 1. Furnish necessary details in the address (as given in case notes).
2. Pay attention to the format of the Re: line.
3. Convey the clinical status accurately in the introduction.
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4. Always read and select case notes carefully.
5. Avoid basic grammar errors.
6. Punctuate the letter appropriately.
7. Pay attention to spelling.
8. Try to finish the letter in 200 words by writing information in
brief wherever possible.
9. *Refer to the patient appropriately in the letter.
10. Always proofread the letter after finishing it.
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