PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS

WHAT DO WE MEAN BY PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS?

The concept of relationship is very broad and complex. In our model, personal relationships refer to close connections between
people, formed by emotional bonds and interactions. These bonds often grow from and are strengthened by mutual experiences.
Relationships are not static; they are continually evolving, and to fully enjoy and benefit from them we need skills, information,
inspiration, practice, and social support. In our model there are three kinds of personal relationships:

FAMILY
The concept of "family" is an essential component in any discussion of relationships, but this varies greatly from person to
person. The Bureau of the Census defines family as "two or more persons who are related by birth, marriage, or adoption and
who live together as one household." But many people have family they don't live with or to whom they are not bonded by love,
and the roles of family vary across cultures as well as throughout your own lifetime. Some typical characteristics of a family are
support, mutual trust, regular interactions, shared beliefs and values, security, and a sense of community. Although the concept of
"family" is one of the oldest in human nature, its definition has evolved considerably in the past three decades. Non-traditional
family structures and roles can provide as much comfort and support as traditional forms.

FRIENDS
A friendship can be thought of as a close tie between two people that is often built upon mutual experiences, shared interests,
proximity, and emotional bonding. Friends are able to turn to each other in times of need. Nicholas Christakis and James Fowler,
social-network researchers and authors of the book Connected, find that the average person has about six close ties—though
some have more, and many have only one or none. Note that online friends don’t count toward close ties—research indicates that
a large online network isn’t nearly as powerful as having a few close, real-life friends.

PARTNERSHIPS
Romantic partnerships, including marriage, are close relationships formed between two people that are built upon affection, trust,
intimacy, and romantic love. We usually experience this kind of relationship with only one person at a time.

WHY PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS ARE IMPORTANT?

Healthy relationships are a vital component of health and wellbeing. There is compelling evidence that strong relationships
contribute to a long, healthy, and happy life. Conversely, the health risks from being alone or isolated in one's life are comparable
to the risks associated with cigarette smoking, blood pressure, and obesity.
• Live longer. • Deal with stress. • Be healthier. • Feel richer.

25 MOST COMMON RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS

Here is the list of the most common relationship problems most often encountered by couples
1. Affairs / infidelity / cheating. This includes emotional infidelity, one-night stands, internet relationships (including ‘sexting’),
long- and short-term affairs and financial infidelity
2. Sexual Issues, particularly loss of libido and including questions around your gender, or your partner's gender
3. Significant differences in core values and beliefs
4. Life stages – you have ‘outgrown’ each other or have ‘changed’ significantly for whatever reason
5. Traumatic and/or Life-Changing Events
6. Responses to prolonged periods of Stress, such as Work-Related Stress, long-term illness, mental health issues, Financial
Problems, problems with the children, infertility and many more
7. Bored in or with Your Relationship
8. Dealing with a jealous partner
9. Having 'blended' family issues
10. Domestic violence, which includes verbal as well as physical abuse: THE most serious relationship problem.
11. Knowing you should not have got married in the first place!
12. Lack of responsibility regarding finances, children, health and many other issues
13. Unrealistic Expectations- still thinking your partner / spouse is the princess / knight and not seeing the 'real' human being
14. Addictions - substance abuse
15. Excessive reliance on social media, at the cost of the relationship
16. Lack of support during particularly difficult times from people that matter to you
17. Manipulation or over-involvement in your relationships with family or friends
18. Lack of communication about important matters
19. Poor division of and / or one-sided lack of responsibility for chores and tasks. It is not always women who complain about
this relationship problem!
20. Perceived lack of concern, care and consideration / attentiveness: feeling the relationship is one-sided is a big one!
21. Significant personal disappointments and traumas that lead to a change in relationship dynamics
22. Long term depression or other mental health issues suffered by one partner or both
23. Significant differences in opinion on how to discipline / deal with the children
24. Long-term stress, particularly when not taking responsibility for doing something positive to address the cause, or about
learning to handle it if it cannot be changed
25. An unsupportive partner during pregnancy and/or significant problems after the birth of your baby.

We wouldn’t be surprised if you have found that you are experiencing several of these relationship problems, but you know
what? However difficult this time is for you we promise you that this too will pass. We are rooting for you and we know that you
will be happy again. You don’t have to wait and hope for better times – together we can do something about it now! The person
you love (or used to love) was always bound to hurt you - it's sadly a fact of life and we all do it to each other. However, we can
become better at solving our relationship problems by taking responsibility for ourselves.

NURTURE YOUR RELATIONSHIPS

CONNECT WITH YOUR FAMILY- One of the biggest challenges for families to stay connected is the busy pace of life. But
Blue Zones research states that the healthiest, longest-living people in the world all have something in common: they put their
families first. Family support can provide comfort, support, and even influence better health outcomes while you are sick.
Relationships and family author Mimi Doe recommends connecting with family by letting little grievances go, spending time
together, and expressing love and compassion to one another. Of course, the same practices apply to close friends as well. This is
especially important if you don’t have living family, or have experienced difficult circumstances, such as abuse, that would make
it difficult for you to connect with your relatives.

PRACTICE GRATITUDE- Gratitude is one of the most accessible positive emotions, and its effects can strengthen friendships
and intimate relationships. One 2010 study found that expressing gratitude toward a partner can strengthen the relationship, and
this positive boost is felt by both parties—the one who expresses gratitude and the one who receives it. Remembering to say
“thank you” when a friend listens or your spouse brings you a cup of coffee can set off an upward spiral of trust, closeness, and
affection.

LEARN TO FORGIVE- It’s normal for disagreements or betrayal to arise in relationships, but your choice about how to handle
the hurt can have a powerful effect on the healing process. Choosing to forgive can bring about a variety of benefits, both
physical and emotional. Fred Luskin, head of the Stanford Forgiveness Project, says it’s easier to let go of the anger or hurt
feelings associated with a circumstance if you remind yourself that much of your distress is really coming from the thoughts and
feelings you are having right now while remembering the event—not the event itself. Don’t be afraid to clearly articulate why
you are upset, but once the other party has listened, be willing to lay down your anger and move on.

BE COMPASSIONATE-Compassion is the willingness to be open to yourself and others, even in painful times, with a gentle,
nonjudgmental attitude. When you feel compassionate toward another person—whether a romantic partner, friend, relative, or
colleague— you open the gates for better communication and a stronger bond. This doesn’t mean taking on the suffering of
others, or absorbing their emotions. Rather, compassion is the practice of recognizing when someone else is unhappy or whose
needs aren’t being met and feeling motivated to help them. We are an imitative species: when compassion is shown to us, we
return it.

ACCEPT OTHERS-It is also important to be accepting of the other person in the relationship. Obviously, this does not apply in
situations of abuse or unhealthy control, where you need foremost to protect yourself. But otherwise, try to understand where the
person is coming from rather than judge them. As you do for yourself, have a realistic acceptance of the other's strengths and
weaknesses and remember that change occurs over time.

CREATE RITUALS TOGETHER-With busy schedules and the presence of online social media that offer the façade of real
contact, it’s very easy to drift from friends. In order to nurture the closeness and support of friendships, you have to make an
effort to connect. Gallup researcher Tom Rath has found that people who deliberately make time for gatherings or trips enjoy
stronger relationships and more positive energy. An easy way to do this is to create a standing ritual that you can share and that
doesn’t create more stress—talking on the telephone on Fridays, for example, or sharing a walk during lunch breaks, are ways to
keep in contact with the ones you care about the most.

TEN RULES FOR FINDING LOVE AND CREATING LONG LASTING AUTHENTIC RELATIONSHIPS
1. YOU MUST LOVE YOURSELF FIRST Your relationship with yourself is the central template from which all others are
formed. Loving yourself is a prerequisite to creating a successful and authentic union with another.
2. PARTNERING IS A CHOICE MUST NURTURE THE RELATIONSHIP FOR IT TO THRIVE The choice to be in a
relationship is up to you. You have the ability to attract your beloved and cause the relationship you desire to happen.
3. CREATING LOVE IS A PROCESS Moving from “I” to “we” requires a shift in perspective and energy. Being an authentic
couple is an evolution.
4. RELATIONSHIPS PROVIDE OPPORTUNITIES TO GROW Your relationship will serve as an unofficial “lifeshop” in which
you will learn about yourself and how you can grow on your personal path. 5. COMMUNICATION IS ESSENTIAL The open
exchange of thoughts and feelings is the lifeblood of your relationship.
6. NEGOTIATION WILL BE REQUIRED There will be times when you and your partner must work through impasses. If you
do this consciously and with respect, you will learn to create win-win outcomes.
7. YOUR RELATIONSHIP WILL BE CHALLENGED BY CHANGELife will present turns in the road. How you maneuver
those twists and turns determines the success of your relationship.
8. YOU MUST NURTURE THE RELATIONSHIP FOR IT TO THRIVE Treasure your beloved and your relationship will
flourish.
9. RENEWAL IS THE KEY TO LONGEVITY Happily ever after means the ability to keep the relationship fresh and vital.
10. YOU WILL FORGET ALL THIS THE MOMENT YOU FALL IN LOVE You know all these rules inherently. The challenge
is to remember them when you fall under the enchanting spell of love.

KEEPING HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS

Good relationships are fun and make you feel good about yourself. The relationships that you make in your youth years will be a
special part of your life and will teach you some of the most important lessons about who you are. Truly good relationships take
time and energy to develop. All relationships should be based on respect and honesty, and this is especially important when you
decide to date someone.

In a healthy relationship, both partners:

 Are treated with kindness and respect
 Are honest with each other
 Like to spend time together
 Take an interest in things that are important to each other
 Respect one another’s emotional, physical and sexual limits
 Can speak honestly about their feelings

Love should never hurt

Dating relationships can be wonderful! But while it’s important that dating partners care for each other, it’s just as important that
you take care of yourself! About 10% of high school students say they have suffered violence from someone they date. This
includes physical abuse where someone causes physical pain or injury to another person. This can involve hitting, slapping, or
kicking. Sexual abuse is also a type of violence, and involves any kind of unwanted sexual advance. It can include everything
from unwelcome sexual comments to kissing to intercourse. But abuse doesn’t always mean that someone hits or hurts your body.
Emotional abuse is anything that harms your self-esteem or causes shame. This includes saying things that hurt your feelings,
make you feel that you aren’t worthwhile, or trying to control who you see or where you go. Remember, you deserve healthy,
happy relationships. Abuse of any type is never okay.

ABUSE AND ASSAULT

Love should never hurt. But sometimes it does:
 1 in 6 women and 1 in 33 men will be sexually assaulted in their lifetime
 1.5 million women are sexually assaulted or otherwise physically abused by their partners each year.
 Over 800,000 males are sexually or physically abused by partners.
 Abuse can occur in any type of relationship--gay and straight, casual and long-term, young and old
.  About 10% of high school students say that have suffered violence from someone they date.

If you are – or have been – in a relationship where you were mistreated, it’s very easy to blame yourself. The problem is with the
abuser, though, not you. It’s not your fault! Anyone can be abused – boys and girls, men and women, gay or straight, young and
old – and anyone can become an abuser.
Break the Silence: Stop the Violence
It may shock you to know that one out of every eleven teens reports being hit or physically hurt by a boyfriend or girlfriend in
the past twelve months. But why is that, and how can we change it? In "Break The Silence: Stop the Violence," parents talk with
teens about developing healthy, respectful relationships before they start dating.

HOW TO COMMUNICATE
Talking openly makes relationships more fun and satisfying; especially when you both talk about each other’s needs for physical,
emotional, mental and sexual health. You can’t expect a partner to know what you want and need unless you tell them. The
simple fact is that none of us are a mind reader--so it's important to be open about your needs and expectations.
In a romantic relationship, it is important to communicate openly on issues of sex and sexual health. The decision to enter into a
sexual relationship is entirely up to you, and you always have the right to say "no" at any time to anything that you don't feel
comfortable with. Remember, there are many ways to express love without sex. If you do decide to become sexually active, there
are things about which you do need to communicate. Though talking about sex can feel a little scary, many people find that when
they get up the nerve to talk about sex, their partner really appreciates it. Most likely they've been trying to work up the nerve,
too! Many respect a partner even more once they've brought up the topic of sex. It is ok to be nervous--that lets you know that
what you are doing is both important to you and also exciting. Remember though: it is a good idea to talk about any sexual
subject before you get all hot and bothered, but this is especially important for topics which require logical thinking skills, like
safer sex expectations. Most of us don't act rationally in the heat of the moment. Think about your boundaries ahead of time, and
discuss them with a partner when you are not currently in a sexual mood. If you are turned on, you are less likely to make the
decision to use a condom or another barrier if your partner has a different agenda. Having the conversation before you are in a
sexual situation makes it more likely you will be able to act according to your own boundaries and preferences.

So, what's to talk about?

 Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs): This is actually an issue that all teenagers and adults must be aware of. Anybody who
engages in sexual activity is prone to have this one.
 Possibility of Pregnancy: Females who engage in sex have a high percentage of putting themselves in this kind of situation.
 Right time for sex: You can consider your current status as a student if it is really high time to be involved in this kind of
activity. Will this make or break your future?
 Boundaries: Making the decision to set your limits in a relationship shows your maturity to assert your priorities and respecting
yourself.

MAKING THE DECISION: DECIDING WHETHER OR NOT TO HAVE SEX

The decision of whether or not to have sex is up to you, and you alone.
Therefore, don’t be afraid to say "no" if that’s how you feel. Having sex for the first time can be a huge emotional event. There
are many questions and feelings that you may want to sort out before you actually get "in the heat of the moment." Ask yourself:
 Am I really ready to have sex?
 How am I going to feel after I have sex?
 Am I doing this for the right reasons?
 How do I plan to protect myself/my partner from sexually transmitted infections or pregnancy?
 How am I going to feel about my partner afterwards?
The best way to prepare for the decision to have sex is to become comfortable with communicating about your needs. If you
don’t feel right about something, say so! Anyone who challenges your choices about whether or not to have sex is not giving you
the respect that you deserve. Pay attention to your feelings, and don’t let anyone make you feel guilty for making decisions that
are right for you.
There are countless nonsexual ways to show someone you love them. You can show a person you care for them by spending time
with them. Go to the movies. Or just hang out and talk. If you are with someone you really like, then anything can be fun. There
are also ways to feel physically close without having sex. These include everything from kissing and hugging to touching each
other. Just remember that if you're not careful these activities can lead to sex. Plan beforehand just how far you want to go, and
stick to your limits. It can be difficult to say "No" and mean it when things get hot and heavy.

TALKING TO YOUR PARENTS

You probably think that talking to your parents about sex is impossible. You're not alone; 83 percent of kids your age are afraid to
ask their parents about sex. Yet 51 percent of teens actually do. So... kids are not only talking to their parents about sex, they're
also benefiting from conversations they were afraid to have in the first place! Lucky them, right? The truth is that most parents
want to help their kids make smart decisions about sex. They know it's vital for teens to have accurate information and sound
advice to aid the decision-making process.
If you think your parents are really nervous about raising the issue, you're probably right. Many parents think that if they
acknowledge their child as a sexual being, their son or daughter will think it's okay to go ahead and have sex. They might also be
afraid that if they don't have all the answers, they'll look foolish. Some parents have said they're afraid kids will ask personal
questions about their sex life, questions they won't want to answer.
Think about all the adults in your life. Is there someone else's parent . . .a teacher or guidance counselor, coach, aunt, uncle,
neighbor or another adult you instinctively trust? That's the person who will give you straight answers.
Your friends really don't know any more than you do, no matter what they say about their sexual experience. The Internet, and
other media, can't give you everything you need. Only people who know you can do that.
Peer pressure is always tough to deal with, especially when it comes to sex. Some teenagers decide to have sexual relationships
because their friends think sex is cool. Others feel pressured by the person they are dating. Still others find it easier to give in and
have sex than to try to explain why not. Some teenagers get caught up in the romantic feelings and believe having sex is the best
way they can prove their love.
But remember: Not every person your age is having sex. Even if sometimes it feels like everyone is "doing it," it is important to
realize that this is not true. People often talk about sex in a casual manner, but this doesn't mean they are actually having sex.
Knowing how you feel about yourself is the first big step in handling peer pressure. It's OK to want to enjoy your teen years and
all the fun times that can be had. It's OK to respect yourself enough to say, "No, I'm not ready to have sex."

How to avoid peer or date pressure If you're worried about being pressured or you are currently experiencing it, know that you
are not alone and there is something you can do about it.
 Hang out with friends who also believe that it's OK to not be ready for sex yet.
 Go out with a group of friends rather than only your date.
 Introduce your friends to your parents.
 Invite your friends to your home.
 Stick up for your friends if they are being pressured to have sex.
 Think of what you would say in advance in case someone tries to pressure you.
 Always carry money for a telephone call or cab in case you feel uncomfortable.
 Be ready to call your mom, dad or a friend to pick you up if you need to leave a date.
 Never feel obligated to "pay someone back" with sex in return for a date or gift.
 Say "no" and mean "no" if that's how you feel.

DRUGS AND ALCOHOL

The effects of drugs and alcohol can make it hard to think clearly, let alone make the best possible decisions about sex. While
you're under the influence of drugs or alcohol it is easy to make a decision you'll regret later--decisions that can lead to a sexually
transmitted infection or an unwanted pregnancy. Even worse, there are some people who will use the effects of alcohol and other
drugs to force you into having sex with them.

BASIC RIGHTS IN A RELATIONSHIP

• The right to emotional support
• The right to be heard by the other and to respond
•The right to have your own point of view, even if this differs from your partner's
• The right to have your feelings and experiences acknowledged as real
• The right to live free from accusation and blame
• The right to live free from criticism and judgment
• The right to live free from emotional and physical threat
• The right to live free from angry outbursts and rage
• The right to be respectfully asked, rather than ordered In addition to these basic relationships rights, consider how you can
develop patience, honesty, kindness, and respect.

Patience: Patience is essential to a healthy relationship. There are times when others will respond to us in a way that is
disappointing. When this occurs, it important to communicate our disappointment, but also to give the other person space. Be
willing to give the person some time to reflect, indicating that you are ready to talk when they are ready. If the person is never
ready to discuss the situation, you may need professional help to resolve the issue, or ask yourself whether or not you want to
continue the relationship.

Honesty: Honesty is another essential quality in healthy relationships. To build honesty in a relationship, you should
communicate your feelings openly, and expect the other person to do the same. Over time, this builds trust.

Kindness: Kindness is extremely important to maintaining healthy relationships. You need to be considerate of others' feelings
and other people need to be considerate of yours. Be kind when you communicate. Kindness will nurture your relationships. Note
that being kind does not necessarily mean being nice.

Respect: Respect is a cornerstone of all healthy relationships. If you don't have respect for another person, it will have a negative
impact on all of your interactions. Think of a time when you encountered someone who didn't respect you. How did it feel? What
are some ways that you show respect to others?