Jose’ Freeman, LMFT
THE MARRIAGE EXPECTATION INVENTORY
by Patrick J. McDonald
revised by John P. Bingham
INTRODUCTION
The Marriage Expectation Inventory is designed to help you discuss and
understand some important aspects of your relationship. It was created
from the experiences of hundreds of couples like yourselves who wished to
understand more about each other. If used thoughtfully and seriously, it
can help you grow in love.
DIRECTIONS
The procedure for taking this inventory is simple.
1. Set aside an hour and a half and separate yourselves so you do not see
what your partner is writing.
2. Fill in the form as thoughtfully as possible. The more thought you give
your answers, the more you will get from doing the exercise. If you do
not finish in the time period (not likely), take a break and continue later.
3. Do not discuss your answers until our next appointment. At that time we
will compare and discuss answers, exploring the similarities and
differences.
Name:__________________________________________Date_________
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Part 1: LOVE EXPECATIONS
1. Loving my partner means for me:
2. Recall two instances of how your partner demonstrated love toward you
during the last month:
a)
b)
3. List 2 situations in which you, intentionally or unintentionally, were hurtful to
your partner during the last month:
a)
b)
4. List 2 ways you and your future spouse differ:
a)
b)
5. List two ways you and your future spouse are alike:
a)
b)
6. What is the best strength that you bring to your marriage?
a)
b)
7. What is your future spouse’s best strength?
8. What is the greatest weakness you bring to your marriage?
9. What do you think your future spouse’s greatest weakness is?
10. After we are married, I expect the following change in our relationship:
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PART 2: EXPECTATIONS AROUND SEX
11. Sex in marriage is . . .
12. Have you discussed your sexual history with your future spouse?
Is there something that needs to be discussed at this time?
13. When it comes to sexual pleasure, my needs . . .
My future spouse’s needs . . .
14. Sexual experience without love is . . .
Love without sex is . . .
15. I feel most comfortable having sex with my partner when . . .
16. I feel most uncomfortable having sex wit my partner when . . .
17. My feelings about family planning (birth control) are . . .
18. My feelings about using pornography or 900 telephone numbers are . . .
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PART 3: EXPECTATIONS ABOUT IN-LAWS
19. List two things about your partner’s parents you really like:
1.
2.
20. List two things about your partner’s parents you dislike:
1.
2.
21. As far as I am concerned, my parents . . . . . in our marriage.
22. As far as I am concerned, my future spouse’s parents . . . . . in our marriage.
23. As far as I am concerned, my responsibility for my parent’s financial welfare (
now or in old age) is . . .
PART 4: EXPECTATIONS RELATED TO CHILDREN
24. How many children would be the ideal number?
What spacing between them would be ideal?
25. We can best help our children grow and mature by . . .
26. What changes do you plan to make from your own parents’ child-rearing
techniques?
27. In a sentence, say what children mean to you?
28. Will you invite or restrict your parents involvement with your children?
Please explain.
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PART 5: EXPECTATIONS RELATED TO COMMUNICATION
29. Communication means . . .
30. I feel most like communicating with my partner when . . .
31. I feel least like communicating with my partner when . . .
32. Two things my partner does that makes it difficult to share myself with
him/her:
1.
2.
33. Two things my partner does that makes it easy to share myself with him/her:
1.
2.
34. When there is fighting in my family of origin ( family I grew up in) , I would
(describe what you would do)
35. The key to handling conflict in marriage is . . .
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PART 6: MISCELLANEOUS EXPECTATIONS
36. Prioritize, from the following items, your future marital priorities (#1 being
most important, #10 being least important ).
_____ Enjoyment and relaxation as a couple or as a family
_____ Community involvement, active in society
_____ Couple dialogue, problem solving, etc.
_____ Personal growth, relaxation, sports, etc.
_____ Spiritual and/or religious involvement.
_____ Sexual satisfaction and freedom in marriage
_____ Getting ahead financially and “making it”
_____ Work, vocation or studies
_____ Developing meaningful friendships
_____ Children and their development
37. Marriage being a life-long commitment means to me . . .
38. I intend to use drugs/alcohol . . .
39. The shift in you from lover to wife/husband involves what being different?
40. The shift in your partner from lover to wife/husband involves what being
different?
41. One aspect of our relationship I’ve been reluctant to discuss with my partner
and wish to mention now is . . .
