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Saturday, January 26, 2008 The First Play to be Episodically Published on DiSaronno Blog: A Bond: A Play in Fifty Acts: Act I

Daughter of the Congresswoman and Policeman: I can't believe I just did that. My parents will crucify me in the worst way possible. Jesus christ lof atter day saints. Guy: Let's just jet off to Montreal D: How about we peace and steal my parents liqour cabinet and sell it across border for a plus plus premium. Then we'll go to Quebec and enjoy the local foods such as POUTINE. G: You're driving too fast. We gotta fucking chill out. Fucking coppers are gonna get on our ass in a big way. THEY PULL INTO A ROADSIDE MOTEL D: Fuck motherfucker. I lost my keys and wallet, you gotta pay and eat the cost. Swallow that shit and fucking be normal. G: Don't worry about me, you gotta fucking stop shaking and get outta the car.

THEY CHECK IN G: This carpet, it's a nightmare. D: It's my carpet and you must stare upon it. G PULLS A GUN OUT D: Why do you always think that we should feel like this? G: I really wanna kill someone tonight. It's gonna be you or the inkeeper. Make your choice. The choice belongs. D DOES A BACKFLIP OUT THE WINDOW. SHE ESCAPES, KILLS AN INKEEPER, WALKS UPSTAIRS TO THE ROOM, THE DOOR OF WHICH SHE KICKS IN D: Wow that was roundabout. Why don't we just get a room at the Four Seasons? THEY CROSS A DEAD BODY IN THE LOBBY, HAIL A CAB, AND JET TO THE FOUR SEASONS WHERE THEY BOTH ORDER WHITE RUSSIANS D: We really fucked that up. How about you pay more attention to me Phillip? G: My name is not Phillip. I do know my name. D: I do know knowledge. My boots are wet. I'm actually writing a book right now. And you don't know what it's about, but we just kill someone together. And we have a bond, a slight bond. G: I know who you are. I saw you on the plane from Caracas. Granted I drugged you, but then we shared a life together. A fucking goddamn life. And now you're here and we gotta deal with it, so let's fucking think. So get your belongings and let's travel throughout restaurants. D: Fuck yeah! G: Yes rather than yeah.

Monday, January 28, 2008 A Bond: A Play in Fifty Acts: Act II Act II: The French Excursion (Continued from Act I, which was informally known as "La Poutine"

GUY IS HANGING FROM A NOOSE TIED AROUND ONE OF THE EXPOSED BEAMS THAT MAKES UP THIS EXQUISITE CEILING D IS SMOKING A CIGARETTE, MORE SLOWLY THAN NORMAL PEOPLE. CLOSE TO THE END, SHE FLICKS IT AT THE SWINGING CORPSE D: Looks like it's checkout time. SHE TAKES THE REALLY NICE ELEVATOR DOWN TO THE FLOOR CALLED 'L' WHICH MEANS EITHER LOBBY OR LEVEL D: Hey tuxedo slave, I need a car to your nearest Moroccan restaurant. Let's make this be. Concierge: I guess I'm lucky. I guess you have luck. I guess luck is. There's a car waiting for you. It's outside. SHE SWIRLS HER GUN IN THE AIR. RUNS OUTSIDE OF THE HOTEL., POCKETS THE SHAMPOO AND CONDITIONER D: Salutations driver. Step on it, and step on it. Car Driver: That's my job. I step on it. And I'm gonna stick to it. THEY DRIVE WHEREVER THE FUCK THEY'RE GOING. DRIVER IS DRUNK. THEY SIDESWIPE A MOPED. IT'S A VESPA BEING DRIVEN BY A FLORIST. THIS VESPA WAS TERRIBLY TERRIBLY CONSTRUCTED. THE GAS TANK FELL IN THE ROAD AND HIT THE WINDSHIELD OF THE LIMO DRIVER AND ROBBED HIM OF HIS HEAD. THE OCCUPANTS SPILL OUT BECAUSE: WHAT OTHER CHOICE DO THEY REALLY HAVE? NOTHING REALLY. NONE OTHER CHOICE. IS THAT CLEAR? I THINK SO. D FINDS ANOTHER TAXI BY GUNPOINT D: Let's go to JFK and step on it. My boyfriend is in Paris and I really love him but he's caught up in the the DJ scene. For this reason, I need your livery services. I need them to be so fast, so so fucking fast. Deep inside of me fast.

Livery Driver: Whatever you want...Pay me and get your white ass to Paris. Good flight...not! SHE GOES INTO JFK AND CHECKS HER BAGS. SHE HAS ONE CARRY-ON. SHE IS WAITING IN THE SECURITY LINE. D: I just killed a man. Hurry up. I got a plane to catch. I don't have time for your x-ray. Do I look like I would? Security Guard: I can call someone. I can make this hard for you. D: I'm okay. I'll take my time. Sorry, I'm stressed out by air travel. S: I see it all the time. Nice gun by the way. D: Thanks, now I'll put my belt back on you professional woman. SHE BOARDS THE PLANE AND FLIES TO PARIS. SHE GETS OFF THE PLANE AND GETS CAPPED BY HER PSYCHO KILLER BOYFRIEND.

Saturday, February 23, 2008 Laah Laugh Poooteen Part V They exit bond street after purchasing a property. then fucking light a bomb in the basment and blow that shit to piss. they ask themselves, is this even bond street? we c foured that building cant wait to blow out lets jet off to cleveland; I'm really getting into this lifestyle and they've got new airports there. Nobody likes condos. Whites have eaten out the pussy of the lower east side. And it is now a hollow corpse. my broker is a gemini filthy scum. thats why i cant sleep at night without burning newspapers . I hate eating cunts from little female babies. alright im down but also kill some people and take over this whole crazy country thats bounded by a bunch of rivers and oceans.\ Giant male clay figure tranny fucking dude enters. Hello fucking female eastern european slut. Lets fuck, womanfellow! then slapped across the cunt, they decided to take a train to slovakia and start a magazine and make love over the strewn pages of their past issues. MAGAZINE MAGAZINE. Who can even read or eat or comprehend this stupid shit? I cant wait to talk to Serbastian, that fucker, he slighted me before; Ive already slaughtered his sad children. How were you this good? i dont remember this in prague. but things about this geography is that none of us can make eat pussy

Thats the thing about good old stories. Sometimes you cant assimilate the moral. And the moral of this story is stop snitchin I learned that the hard way the hard is prison when the slide up against the bathroom tiles and make yourself sing love. sense of it. We are all victims of the vocabulary of white people, which are the worst people. BLACK POWER! BLACK POWER! I realize Im black. I cant believe I didnt nuke Bond St. , only blew it up.

Sunday, March 9, 2008 Pouteeeen The Threat: Act Three All of a sudden they just decide to set up a bomb that tries to explode the whole world. D: Dude Let's try to make up a bomb that explodes the whole world and see what happens. E: Girl. Not sure about that. It seems pretty drastic. Really drast-D: Too bad man. Too bad. I've already made this happen and I've got the C4 to have a damn good fireworks extravaganza. E: Not on Bond Street. Not on Bond Street. The architecture is way too bad man. It would be too appropriate. D: You're right. Let's just make out hardcore. (They make out for a few minutes while cars collide and explode and random gangs infiltrate various buildings along B. Street.) E: You're awesome, But I've got to deal. Let's jet off to Bangkok, score some guns, buy a car in Europe and just take New York by storm. D: Good call. I don't know why I never knew you before but you might be a genius. Or very close to a rapper I once knew. E: Let's go. Let's go. (They fade away into the fog covering Bond street, and the yellow of a taxi can be seen picking them up and carrying them away.)

Sunday, May 4, 2008 Le Pouteian Act Five IVIVVdashII We managed to make some friends (this is Beirut. I'm pregnant. they gave us guns and then we hid them under our rucksacks. We felt we could trust them we could trust them. guess what. Jimmy gave us fake guns and they're loaded with C4. Place them under the car slowly. Very Slowly? Very carefully. (EXPLOSION) I don't know, Gerald (Gerald is dead), If i can deal any more. My throat is burning from the smoke. Fair. All these points are fair, and I'm willing to cap all these civilians if I can have a decent attorney. we're all doomed. we're all in the crap shoot as they say. too bad you don't know that i have an explosive strapped to my chest at this very second. (explosion) we've lost control and let me take the wheel. you're dead. it's only me. (massive explosions) I once knew a man, and I've had a crappy drink from this shit well.

Saturday, May 24, 2008 The sad pathetic conclusion and Redemption of Le Poutaien Partner: We had made it. All the way around the world and back. I'm tasted the feasts of many and too many nations. Other Partner: I can say hello to you in eight different languages. I can comb my hair in many styles now according to region and climate Main Partner: Guys, we've got to blow out of here leave this deli because I just planted massive C4 in the basement with the gas oil. Partner: Let's roll the dice. Luck and love have always fooled the sage. See what happens? Main Partner: Partner, I'm strapping my parachute on and jumping off this jumbo jet because this deli's gonna explode into lava flames. Other Partner: I once had a cousin I thought was cool, and he just turned out to be a drunk conservative. Partner: Just put some hot sauce on that mother to calm the taste. Other Partner: I'm moving to Ohio to live near the Great Lakes. Water supply and the chatter about rust belt Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Main Partner: I'm walking off the stage with dignity you sinking mud bodies. Other Partner: I've got a jet to the coast and I'm gonna plant sugar crystals in the coast and I'll have a sturdy shit ship. Partner: Captain's been a land mammal. You have no Captain and your cell phone is sweating all over my cheek. You're a wiked old man. They all die and jet off to Bond Street.

Sunday, June 7, 2009 le pouteen three thousand iiiivvvvv welcome back. I'm in cairo. i have a view of the pyramids outside my apartment.

I have scaled the andes but I have never scaled the pyramids. And I know that I never will because tomorrow they will be nothing but a pile of rubble. Hold up wait a minute..there is a rumbling outside the tombs. we have got to get the fuck out of here that sounds like a fair proposition. i have thought about things here in egypt. it turn out that nothing is true. except the C4 i have strapped to my chest. i need to fling this into the 3rd floor apartment. the explosion is huge. yo don't worry we will go to my chalet in the swiss alps. i have a jacuzzi there where you can soak your limbs. but afterwards you have to perform in my studio video. just joking, person. i've never placed conditions upon usage of my jacuzzi.

Saturday, September 6, 2008 Le Pouteen the third god blast if we had anything else i ahve nothing. ONe. nothing Waking. Morning of dusk in Montreal. I had just bombed the Volvo outside our hotel for no particular reason. My cat was dead. Sure, that'll do. It's a good enough reason I guess. I had three passports left. Three that would probably work anyway. I grabbed two out of my bag at random and threw them into the grate. Who am I leaving clues for Brussels. 48 Hours later. Machine guns blazings off the counter tops of my neighbors kitchen. The fire from the shells started a flame in the back alley? "You started a fire with your goddamn fireshots! " "Chill out. Calm down." "I'm grabbing a cab and "Don't leave me. "Fuck you....I just shat in your shoes. I loved you when you had a gun." they blazed out in the sunset 7:30pm......

Sunday, August 3, 2008 Le Pouteen the Greater: The Batchelor Party for Jay IIIIVIAAPPIAN Way C 4 exploded all over the sidewalk and windows crashed onto the sidewalk. Who knew. bateman has secrets, unpeel him and fry like a platano in the sweaty caribbean night. 6. Went to montreal and our stomach exploded all over the steering wheel. But Caracas called. The language was strong and we felt it. While ordering burgers on the corner shop I asked for cheese but the guy refused us and I just decided to ask for a nice glass of smooth cold water. Caracas it was. We landed with a smooth descent and decided to go straight to our hotels. Room service was impeccable and the decapitation of the maid was clean and almost perfect. After the hotel collapsed and the car was left for ruins, we jetted off to Cairo. There we realized how efficient the C4 was in Egypt. Sometimes you learn things.

Sunday August 3, 2008 Le Pouteen the Greater: The Batchelor Party for Jay We just careened down Bond Street and crashed our car into the new designer condo. People yelled out of there windows vomiting over the windshields down below. We looked up. Meaning "we" we meaning everyone else. Looking up at us as we lighted some C4 and exploded the whole building. All in jest. We escaped to LGA. And went to Paris. No I mean Geneva. SWTZ What happened in Geneva? I ran around the lake until the gears jammed. i pulled at the switch but it slipped like a frog underfoot. the settled in. it got cold, and wet. jesus came screaming from a ford motorcross, mary squeezed bloody babies. i opened my eyes and drank the cold lake. I'm pretty sure nobody has any idea what Jesus has for a face. Dry hump world domination blonde something. Juliette Lewis ate out a preggo. It was something to do with a space, an art space that nobody likes. I shot a camaro with a shitty eight track.

Sunday, September 21, 2008 Le Pouteien. I love Matt Jay Jewnamepolish VIV I saw you in the hotel. Against the mahogany bar your hair draped your glass so well. I almost broke out my knife right there and gutted the sommelier. Red wine isn't my bait. Would you like the fish or rather the beef entree they decided for us. Nothing. I rather have nothing. Just talk to me and feed me some g and t's. Please. I've got two plane tickets waiting for us right now at LGA. This is important for us. We need a trip to make things appropriate. My appetites for constant beef injects are killing are relations. I'm willing to do what's appropriate. Nothing more. In this time of desperate iniquity, I challenge you to be a proper kill man. I'm strapped with C4 at this very moment. I'll count. I'll start. One. I'll progress. Two. I'll continue. Three. I'll End. Four. (EXPLOSION) A blood stream infuses the apartment and the detritus licks down the stairs like a stream of happy little children. (Another EXPLOSION) I'm still alive. I've managed to wear a bomb-proof vest. And I strapped one on to you too. You're still alive. I'm alive. Yes. Excellent. Let's move the operation to the best place I think we'll be safe -- Tehran. No one will suspect.

On. On.

Sunday August 3, 2008 Le Pouteien. I love Matt Jay Jewnamepolish VIII The whole show started with an explosion on the top floor of the H&R Block minimart at the corner of St. Le Bouin and avenue Go. We had explosives in our pockets ready to do the next "Job." I thought to myself, "This job could really turn the whole operation." "Partner, let's ride this whole crazy thing out in my Lambo while wearing Gucci suits and smoking expensive, very expensive Cigars. I love the smoke billowing when I talk about important things." "Crime partner, JOE, we are ready to C4 this place on Moscow street DUNKE!" "Associate, I have my Ferrari outside; you'll notice the candy red sex machine outside the crippling hot Italian Bistro." "Vrrrrrrrrrrrrrroooooooooooooooommmmmmmmmmm," the Ferrari says. I've strapped gun powder to my groin. I can't believe we're not going to Dakha together. I know. We're losing control. Fast. Let's keep the speed going even more. Let's hijack a plan at the nearest airport. Done. Magical things ensue. Nobody found a way to redeem the beings. They were all the way to the right. They took on all sorts of stage names. And wore doll faces. Eh. Fuckin' fuckin' fuckin' fuck.

Sunday, April 13, 2008 lE POUTEEN the fourth side project. Time when I thought we knew the gulf. we skate boarded through the sands I saw arms i cut off last night. and then you pulled a glock. you scared me and my parents. i forced them onto a boat and pushed it into the current. i fired shots wildly in their direction as they floated in the general direction of new jersey. we put our t shirts and bombed the jersey shore and the sand blasted in waves of fireworks. you asked me if we ever killed someone you said no. i said yes. i'm a dying breed. We had a stack of cakes to mull the situation over and spiked that shit with acid and the hostess gave me a tender grin. and recommended a little place on bond street, we smiled knowingly to each other. i slipped a piece of metal casing out of my rucksack; you pulled out a handful

of screws and a fistful of c4. we got in a cab. And he said I'd rather have a birth borne babe off my grandmothers we'd rather bleed to death than drive to Montreal. Let's go to Montreal you piece of shit let's drive till the break of dawn. i'd lived We've got the end of the line. i've blown the end of the line.

Sunday, August 2, 2009 Le PUOUTEEN xviiiiiiiIVVVVVV The Beginning. I saw you across the street while I was going 100 miles an hour in my lambo. It was hard because I was flying by a couple miles an hour. Did you see those persons walking along? They were striving for more substance in this economy...and this ecology. I'm a big fan of the new york mets! Did you ever see Susan B. Anthony? She was some sort of American. She is pretty famous. But not exactly John Adams (that's a sort-of president). Hello? High? I'm waiting in the Lobby of the Grande Halston of Milano ... with the clock ticking on my Grand Mariner. The limo is calling my assistant. He has C4 strapped to his belt. This was a sorty challenge. I tried to wrestle the enemies of the USA to the China, but I had a time clock that was made in the People's Republic of Korea. XOXOX, You Have Twenty-Four Hours Love Bug

Sunday, January 17, 2010 fLe Pouteen IVVVVVVVVVV The fog horn woke us up. I had my glock close by and the shivers stopped for a moment. We were on fire. Fran was dancing in flame and her lower body was melting. I yelled, "cut your fucking losses and run". basically, we had to jump into the freezing fucking ocean. i charitably threw Fran first and followed with perfect form. exeunt

Sunday, January 17, 2010 LA POUTEENAGE TIMBOMB In the morning I heard a quiet egg being made. who dares? I put my jumpsuit onn and jumped out the plane. we were in Milan. i demand soft boiled at 145 degrees farenheit for eggsactly 45 minutes. You like the joke and you sort of think i'm a good guy, but my stare tells you, hey, i killed my dad. you retrieve your digital thermometer and i quietly commend your survival instinct. stood shocked i grabbed the glock and the usa today walked slowly through the hotel and became a dude in a disaster. guess what, i hailed a GD cab and met the Concorde. Ghis is something natural. Please call me on the plane phone 1-800-FRESH.

Monday, May 30, 2011 The newest only Pouteen of 2011 Jesus corpus we saw each other at the lake. Lake zurich You were water boarding my favorite ex wife. I had m lamb grooming with my cock hard in my hand. I've regarded your bodysleep--wrestloporter!!! my lamb vrroooommminnng next to the kremlin. John f. Lemonade was having his corn pipe aka dick sucked by Veronica slim. You all know her ass vagina pussybottom. Thin skin you sworn cunts

Saturday, March 26, 2011 Le Pouteen the five thousand In the day I decided to jump out of the hovering harrier jet (operated by the british army), I jumped. I enjoyed the fall. It lasted for a few seconds. In the mean time I called the local.

Jeez H Christchurch. I changed my whole outlook during that hover. So fruitful... I can't express. I'm sorry. I would rather have my skull dragged against the street in Zurich. Unfortunately, that's not possible because I don't have a lambo at my disposal at the moment. In this current time and place I have whores and money. All I wanna do is set loose upon that expanse. Phoenix, Arizona ruined me for all the men. I wanted something important. God. God? God? God? I've soiled my pants. Waking as an addled man does, Geoffrey Pepsi feels as if, thinks as if, in the manner of speaking in which the subaltern engages, that his face is tearing away. He is half-almost-correct. "Hello?" in the end, the protagonist, dies. He was survived by his daughters I guess. No one knew he was. and who cares. Et tu sedet carnum bellum scapulum lambo. Sunday, June 5, 2011 The pouteen written from the formerly trendy bar The WAyer Non-narrator: I really don't have much of a frame of reference. Mashina seks: the only thing I think about is covert cock and as well the times we spent! Jason o'stephanie: I'm literally quaking in my boots! Mashina sex: I have meth in my suitcase. I need to unload. Jason O'Stephanie: That sounds lovely...my suitcase is full of C4. The devil said that something had happened?

Saturday, June 25, 2011 Le Pouteen the Poem

The driver's lost control. He just took a pill of pure H20. He fuckin' crashed into the grocery cart. Why am I here anymore I don't know. Chop chop, Filth!

Thursday, June 30, 2011 the pouteen we just wrote but couldn't post b/c blogger wasn't working Tony: What is this life? Who knew I was a ho-mo? I didn't. But now I know. Brangelina: Can't believe you sent me that letter. i WILL reject. I'm in a supersonic plane. I'll land somewhere in the mid-Pacific. Ton-a-rone: All I can think about is the colon. So today I was walking around the lower east slice and I saw a map maker who sold me a thing or two. He actually felt pretty bad! The helicopters were whirring. WE've lost our center. The laterals, they've taken the yokes. I can't but cry at the whirry surface. EGADZDZXDXDDXXXD, Hello? How can I be a professional? I was a hired hand. In my resume I noted my ability to pleasure. Intimate Intimate. I enjoy intimate pleasure. We've reached this point at sea-current. Corpuscular fucking breasts. Spin that globe!!!!!! The hairy proprietor of the smoke shop stoop me up. I thought I had a date at the sea The angry sea. He said to me, "Vrrooooooooooorrrrrrrmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm." I give up. Next time I go to the dentist, I give up. He'll take my teeth. Fine. Corcoran, they are my real estate broker?

Monday, July 11, 2011 The pouteen we wrote at the topless pool in las Vegas, Nevada

Find a boat to the borgata right away! I need that shit in my life? Rough times I saw you in the casino your eyes met my eyes then I said yes with my kalishnakov. A hard yes to say that was. But I am nothing. I'll stab you in the abdomen. Even though you're bleeding let's take a heli to caracas! Let's go to the pool it's pleasant. I just want to pull you in the pool.

Sunday, December 18, 2011 POtEENNN FIVE SIX TOWARDS THE END I licked the end of the grenade before I let it loose on the boardwalk. I said to the maid before I left, "Thank you for all you've done. I appreciate the clean sheets." He jumped on the jet ski and made wakes as he peeled out into the sunset as the explosions heated his back. Scene in. Blood rains from the sky. Drums beat hard. The caller has nothing to say other than whatnot. Things have gotten there, if you know what I mean.