I

After all the path dims with the leaves

this is true

sometimes

when you hear not the rhythm

this comforting silence

and its stories

but life is not like that

and you'd rather crumble in worries

Precious wealth, bottom life

with just a minute to my dreams

and a whole life

an entire life

to what doesn't matter

to feel lonely

enlightened by the cold metal

Instead of chasing my loneliness

I'm sharing your game

in the darkness

in the ignorance

in distraction

to avoid missing my skin taking pleasure

and what you said into the wetness of sweat

about a heart that loves

always out loud

Untold because of our ignorance

you crushed my wooden jewel

my time was in there

my chosen dreams

the days we dread to come

the lessons of a tiny someone who understands

a tiny one who remembers the sun

but I understood that moment

when you disgraced my dreams

when you revealed that you never cared

As a dripping water

as I was nothing but a bystander

my love was dripping dreams

your smell eternally burning in air

dreaming to devote to your dreams

as long you have them

and there is no cold

'cause I also lived my days

'cause my dreams of being embraced

you made them true

Visit me in the graveyard

one afternoon after the rain

walk against the tide

as we would

but don't let my memory die

there is always someone standing

someone who listen

the true is that I am tired of being strong

and you can tell my memories

anywhere you go
VII

You love to travel

Your heart still prefers the road

the asphalt and the motor

but they forced you make your house above

in the storm, a house of nimbus cloud

where you can see below

you can see what you love

what makes your heart beat

I don´t have time to redemption

the slow sway of the words

worshipping pain

being glad of not knowing

thinking you are something

trying to reach people

trying to control

trying to dominate

trying to make them fear

Acceptance

I was thinking that you were high

talking about everything and nothing

about distractions

and you thought them as happiness

accept it, that you are high

thinking about the precious time you lost

because you don´t have anything to lose

neither the slow sway of the leaves

Walking with unknown people

with the uniform dampened

and yet I kept endured for us

let my head tired

rest my feet

take away my loneliness

trying to live

hoping the day

countless answers

hoping the day

hoping to meet you

again
XI

Boatmen

drive your boat in the river of sand

find wisdom in the heat

that I never lived

I lost time without thinking

the memory tries to find happiness in the past

but I just wasted my waters

and I could learn much more

if I had a boat to drive

in the river of sand

With doubts and fears

believing trouble-free

I feel lonely and my happiness

will never be repeated

it is like a photograph immortalized in my memories

as my eyes close

tired of not having it again

getting mad with degrees of dellusion

is the longing of what I could have been

I just feel this is true

and sometimes happiness seems to be a lie

Tiredness don´t let you see

and you will miss the reality

in front of your beautiful face

you may be tired

of not having what you planted

but you should smooth out in life's game

you should laugh

and then ... you will take a breath

you will jump

and this crazy jump

will make me dream

Tiredness don´t let me see

tired of not having done a thing

you left me in peace

but I just feel lonely

I swallowed my pride

accepted my fate

and I am tired

tired of my dreams

of illusions and daydreams

what I wasted wasn't just my time

I wasted my existence so far

Against all the odds

and all those that never get tired

all of those that keep dreaming

let my dreams be sleeping loosely

they will never meet reality

as we would never be one flesh

the cruel billows of life

they are walking through the mountain range

where I set my path

you dream with the feeling of pure freedom

go on, 'cause I accept the cruel truth

and you don't

I may have turned tough with a hard life

and on the other hand when I remember

I still have butterflies in my stomach

the wrinkles on your face when you used to laugh

those degrees of happiness

when life were much more simple

when to the eye of the world you offered me a life

but to my eyes it was just a minute

and we would split

it was a prison and not my freedom

Inside a prison everyone is weird

It´s not impossible to get mad

it only leaves you sick

while deep lines of age gets formed

despite you never invite them

to aother people's eyes you are just mad

they will never feel your story

and I am mad, here with you

and we are not alone squandering hallucination

Life may be made of illusions and daydreams

but not a loving heart

the loving heart needs the dreams to be real

begging for just one day of pure happiness

settling unseen to foreing eyes

but frozen in time to the lover's memory

life may be made of illusions and daydreams

and I beg for mercy

that they would never be broken

Knowing you don´t stay home

you are someone who doesn't listen

you give your heart to distractions

you put yourself away

away of your true face

that is not described in the words you once used

to make me fall in love

We used to smile together

we used to complete each others sentences

as it was in the past

I beg you to bring it to me

bring me a good sleep accompanied by memories

sweet memories of our past

put a shield in my mind

make me crazy

make me live in the far away past

Make me dream

make me dream to someone who doesn´t

make me see what it would be

to be with someone as different

today I want to dream

as life is already damaged

let me see another life

let me be paradoxycaly happy

Lost time

gleeful laughter

illusions and failures

this is my true

for a few moments

this is my dispair

as memory tries worship my youth

a youth that is lost in the far away past

being alone is what comforts me

as no one can see me old

as no one can see what I was

Everyone is weird

this weirdness is like a light

like fireflies beyond the doors

showing that we, in true, are not alone

and my pain is not the only one

showing that we can't hide what we really are

we are just loving hearts

trying to recover some time

trying to recover some youth

Tired of being strong

tired voice of just cry out loud

being someone who don't understand

who see the world as boy over a tree

who tries to bring the horizon to a hand

like a painter

like a dreamer
XXV

I miss eating my bread in peace

I miss the days when I was naïve

I miss feeling wicked as well

and that energy of being beyond the hardness

getting over every challenge

and never feel bored

never see reasons to be unhappy

I didn’t see you for a while

and then you posted a beautiful video

with the sunset

with the beach

with your words about changing

you were a person that I loved

but you didn’t love me in return

And after so many years I heard you saying

that you need to look inside your heart

that you need to see if you have ever given love

that you need to see if you have ever received love

if you don’t see love in you past

then you need to change

then you need to improve

then you need to love

your words were like a slap in my face

making me remember you

and look to that past

when you didn’t pay attention to me

and life seemed to be a lonely place

And I was giving you my love

and was giving you my attention

but you were looking through the window

everyday and every night

always through the window

like wishing someone better than me

You talk about love

with a lying smile

and you’re no different of anyone

because it is hard to find someone

someone who really understand love

you looked at your life

you didn’t like it

then you relied on your youth

you relied on your beauty

you relied that you would be desired

As you walked away I just could see

that wasn’t love you were chasing

it wasn’t happiness

and I just couldn’t see

I just couldn’t understand

there were so much tears

there were so much darkness

there were so much pain

and I was blind to everything else

I was blind to everything

everything but that pain you gave me

Then I realized

as a lot of people in this world

you weren’t searching for love

you weren’t searching for being loved

you were searching for help

help to achieve the life you think you deserve

help to achieve things you don’t think to be able to

help to be the person you wanted to be

help to find your place in the world

help to focus only on yourself.

So you didn’t love me

And I question

I question if you ever loved

I question if you ever missed

I question if you ever felt

Alone in a mad world

I need help too

I need forces to reach what I want

I need faith to keep going

I need to believe while no one believe

I can help myself

I am the only person that can do it!

I can change, as you said on your post

I can live alternative lives

I can be different

different from that boy that once loved you

different from that person that believed

different from a needy one

different from a profiteer

different from you

I know I was sincere

I know I was true

I know I loved

and loved so deep

that at least I loved enough to get hurt

beyond the way people search

beyond the way they believe

they believe they’re searching love

but in reality

they’re searching for help

and I can help myself

only myself

I can let you walk beside me

I can let you enter in my life

but helping, this is a lonely thing

There are people in my life

people from work

people from my family

people on the streets

people that I don’t know

people that feel alone

people that has their own history

their own drama

their own problems

their own confusions

and I am one more person

in this sea of people

with my history and drama

with my problems and confusions

and maybe I am not alone

maybe we’re alone together

If I am about to change

to search a bit more of happiness

to find my way

to be a better person

I need to be the person I would love

I need to love myself

and look to the gifts I ever wanted

and give them to me

instead of waiting someone to bring them

instead of just be waiting

if I am about to change

I need to look inside

and find the better part of me

that part no one has seen

not even you!

What do I see when I look inside?

is that just darkness?

is that just light?

am I wrong?

am I right?

am I delusional?

if I don’t know, there is a way

I must look to my history

and remember happiness and sorrow

remember prejudice and silliness

remember love and loneliness

What do I see when I look inside?

I see what I don’t want again

I see what I really wanted

and then I can remember

remember my way home

what do I see when I look inside?

do I see some light?

do I see that will?

the will to live

the will to be brave

and then I know I am a survivor

and then I know I’m true

I’m on the right way

and I just need to go deeper

Talk heals,

enlightens,

fulfill this will to scream,

protects from those feelings

that chokes you with tons of memories

and too much tears!

My eyes were closed

so closed that I used to see just what I wanted to

and now, that I am old,

I think I can't see anymore!

like the time that was wasted

like the train I didn't catch

like the chance to see or be seing

I'm not alone,

But sometimes I feel

Feel all alone

Childishly alone

And between my fears

I only hear silence

When all I wanted to hear

Were some god or Goddess

Saying that I am his son

Writting...

This is how I feel when I write

Like I am every character

Like I could run away

and live a different life

From now on, that's all I will do!

Sometimes I feel brave!

But I don't know

Don't know where this come from.

It seem to be an illusion.

It seems to be a fantasy.

It seems to be madness.

But sometimes I realize

It's just my Soul.

My home,

I don't know where it is

And maybe I lost It

Maybe it's trap in the past

Maybe it's somebody else's home

Maybe it was destroyed

Maybe I'll never see it again

I was a pilgrim

you were a witch

I had blind faith

you had promises

I have frustration

But your promises

They're dust in the wind