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Ryan Dinsmore

Ms. Holla

MBE3U

10 January, 2025

Trauma’s Identity: The Influences of Trauma on Characters’ Identity in the A Quality of Light

Novel

What if the key to better understanding characters lies not in their success and defeats,

but in the traumatic scars that drove them there? The A Quality of Light novel explores how

characters work through their trauma, revealing how their past scars shape their journeys of

self-discovery and ultimately define their identities as a whole.

Joshua Kane had a very unique childhood for his time, filled with traumatic events that

shaped him into the reverend he is today. Joshua Kane's traumatic first year at high school

marked a turning point in his life, ending his comfortable, sheltered life. This year forced him

onto a long journey of self-discovery. From a Christian-raised family, Joshua struggles with his

identity as a child of God and a descendant of the Ojibway people. We see the struggle Joshua

faces when dealing with the struggles of his identity and the reality of himself saying, "Well, I'm

not white, I'm not a Kane. I don't know who I am" (Page 182). This demonstrates his deep loss of

identity and confusion when he struggles for identification since the identity forced upon him

was not recognized by those who did not grow up with him. This battle takes a psychological toll

on Joshua diminishing his self-esteem and mental health that, in turn, affects his relations with

friends, and family, and wavering his faith in God. The thoughts Joshua experienced mixed with
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his actions when faced with such difficult situations highlight how lost he was as a person. In

these ways, Joshua suffers the painful processes of forced assimilation and the depressive mental

toll of not knowing about oneself, revealing how it is the emotional scars rather than the success

and the losses one faces that shape the journey of self-discovery and deeper understanding of

one’s identity.

​ Trauma was and has been the driving force behind everything Staatz did, creating the

warrior-like identity we see today. The trauma Staatz endured in residential schools killed his

spirit, shaping his identity and pushing him toward a path of resilience and strength. As John's

letter says, “They poisoned him. They doused the fire that was his spirit and left him to claw for

embers.” (Page 322). This quote illustrates how the abuse and suffering Staatz experienced as a

child destroyed his sense of self. However, rather than letting this trauma defeat him, Staatz

transformed his pain into a mission to help others. This is further reflected in his statement,

“Staatz was going to be a warrior. He told me that a warrior fought for his people and gave them

hope” (Page 191). The ongoing oppression he witnessed and experienced drove him to find

purpose in supporting his community, embodying the qualities of a warrior. His efforts to help

others were a way of making up for the loss of his spirit, allowing him to bring light to the lives

of others even when his own remained dark. The metaphor of “clawing for embers” perfectly

captures this process. Searching for any remaining spark of hope in the ashes of despair and

reigniting that hope in others. Ultimately, the trauma that sculpted Staatz’s purpose transformed

his suffering into the strength that defined him as the warrior to whom Johnny looks up.

​ The many traumatic experiences in Johnny’s life play an influential role in shaping his

identity, affecting his sense of self, his relationships, and his desire for belonging. His trauma
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causes him to feel misplaced, leading to his destructive path of anger, isolation, and confusion.

This loss of belonging is evident when Johnny reflects on his past and describes his father's

abandonment of family history saying, “He walked away from everything. From family, from

tradition, from history, from the community, Everything.”(Page 238). The repetition of the word

“Everything” emphasizes the gravity of how much Johnny lost and how much of him is missing

from himself. This internal struggle with abandonment and disconnection from his family

culture leaves him with a darkness inside him. This loss affects his family and leaves him cut off

from his history, community and tradition, leaving him without an understanding of who he is or

where he belongs. We see the effects his traumatic childhood and abandonments have on him

early on in his life but it is especially highlighted during the fight between Johnny and the bullies

in high school. We see the troubled parts of his character come into play when Johnny says:

I was swinging at my father. I was kicking at every sick drunken night I had to live

through. Punching at every midnight move, every laughing, scowling face in every new

school I ever walked into, at every lousy, flea-bitten flop we had to call home, every

name he ever called me, every slap, push, pinch, every mop I had to squeeze the puke out

of.(Page 179)

We can see through this quote how Johnny in reality was not fighting the danger of the

immediate situation, but rather the hardships of years of unresolved trauma bringing him to a

state of black darkness within him. This sense of origin creates an angry darkness within him, a

deep sense of not belonging and a loss of self-worth. This weakened sense of self-worth not only

stems from the way he was mistreated at the hands of his father but even more so that Johnny felt

his mother did not see him as something worth saving. Although his father mistreated him in his
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childhood his mother was seen as neglectful and did not seem to be concerned enough to help

him or leave with Johnny to a safer life. The feeling of not being worth the trouble to save drives

him to search for a sense of belonging to be more comfortable. Because he had no sense of

belonging, Staatz held great importance to Johnny’s life along with the things Staatz cared about,

planting the seed of Johnny's warrior self, which grows along with his love for the Indigenous

life. Ultimately, Johnny’s identity is shaped by both the darkness of his traumatic past and the

light he finds when embracing this new cultural path. His journey highlights the relationship

between trauma, belonging, and self-worth, showing that one’s identity is often built off of both

the trauma they endure and the connections they choose to build.

In the end, the trauma experienced by the characters in The A Quality of Light novel not

only influences their actions but also shapes their identities. The darkness of their pasts deeply

impacts their growth, guiding their development and interactions, ultimately revealing how

trauma builds and defines their identities as a whole.

Works Cited

Wagamese, Richard. A Quality of Light. Vaughan, Anchor Canada, 2019.