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Nursing Interventions & Clinical
Skills

SEVENTH EDITION

ANNE GRIFFIN PERRY, RN, MSN,

EdD, FAAN
Professor Emerita
School of Nursing
Southern Illinois University—Edwardsville
Edwardsville, Illinois

PATRICIA A. POTTER, RN, MSN,

PhD, FAAN
Formerly, Director of Research
Patient Care Services
Barnes-Jewish Hospital
St. Louis, Missouri
WENDY R. OSTENDORF, RN, MS,
EdD, CNE
Contributing Faculty
Master's of Science in Nursing
Walden University
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Table of Contents

Cover image

Title Page

Copyright

About the Authors

Contributors

Reviewers

Acknowledgments

Notes From the Authors

Preface to the Instructor

Key Features

New to This Edition

Ancillaries

Unit 1 Quality and Safety in Nursing Practice

1 Using Evidence in Nursing Practice

Introduction

Steps in the EBP Framework

Safe and Effective Nursing Skills and Procedures

Practice Standards

Practice Standards

Benefits of EBP

Practice Reflections

Clinical Review Questions

References

2 Communication and Collaboration

SKILL 2.1 Discharge Planning and Transitional Care

SKILL 2.2 Workplace Violence and Safety

Clinical Review Questions

References

3 Documentation and Informatics

Introduction

Practice Standards

Electronic Health Record

 Evidence-Based Practice

Safety Guidelines

Confidentiality

Legal Guidelines in Documentation

Standards

Guidelines for Quality Documentation

Special Considerations

Practice Reflections

Clinical Review Questions

References

4 Patient Safety and Quality Improvement

SKILL 4.1 Fall Prevention in a Health Care Setting

SKILL 4.2 Designing a Restraint-Free Environment

SKILL 4.3 Applying Physical Restraints

SKILL 4.4 Seizure Precautions

Clinical Review Questions

References

5 Infection Control

SKILL 5.1 Hand Hygiene

 SKILL 5.2 Applying Personal Protective Equipment

SKILL 5.3 Caring for Patients Under Isolation Precautions

SKILL 5.4 Preparing a Sterile Field

SKILL 5.5 Sterile Gloving

Clinical Review Questions

References

6 Disaster Preparedness

SKILL 6.1 Care of a Patient After Biological Exposure

SKILL 6.2 Care of a Patient After Chemical Exposure

SKILL 6.3 Care of a Patient After Radiation Exposure

Clinical Review Questions

References

Unit 2 Patient Assessment Skills

7 Vital Signs

SKILL 7.1 Measuring Body Temperature

SKILL 7.2 Assessing Apical Pulse

SKILL 7.3 Assessing Radial Pulse

SKILL 7.4 Assessing Respirations

SKILL 7.5 Assessing Blood Pressure

 Clinical Review Questions

References

8 Health Assessment

SKILL 8.1 General Survey

SKILL 8.2 Assessing the Head and Neck

SKILL 8.3 Assessing the Thorax and Lungs

SKILL 8.4 Cardiovascular Assessment

SKILL 8.5 Assessing the Abdomen

SKILL 8.6 Assessing the Genitalia and Rectum

SKILL 8.7 Musculoskeletal and Neurological Assessment

Clinical Review Questions

References

9 Specimen Collection

SKILL 9.1 Urine Specimen Collection—Midstream (Clean-

Voided) Urine, Sterile Urinary Catheter

SKILL 9.2 Testing for Gastrointestinal Alterations—Gastroccult

Test, Stool Specimen, and Hemoccult Test

SKILL 9.3 Collecting Nose and Throat Specimens

SKILL 9.4 Collecting a Sputum Specimen

SKILL 9.5 Collecting Wound Drainage Specimens

 SKILL 9.6 Blood Glucose Monitoring

SKILL 9.7 Collecting Blood and Culture Specimens by

Venipuncture (Syringe and Vacutainer Method)

Clinical Review Questions

References

10 Diagnostic Procedures

SKILL 10.1 Intravenous Moderate Sedation

SKILL 10.2 Contrast Media Studies: Arteriogram (Angiogram),

Cardiac Catheterization, Intravenous Pyelogram

SKILL 10.3 Care of Patients Undergoing Aspirations: Bone

Marrow, Lumbar Puncture, Paracentesis, Thoracentesis

SKILL 10.4 Care of Patients Undergoing Bronchoscopy

SKILL 10.5 Care of Patients Undergoing Gastrointestinal

Endoscopy

SKILL 10.6 Obtaining a 12-Lead Electrocardiogram

Clinical Review Questions

References

Unit 3 Basic Human Needs

11 Bathing and Personal Hygiene

SKILL 11.1 Complete or Partial Bed Bath

 SKILL 11.2 Performing Mouth Care for an Unconscious or
Debilitated Patient

Clinical Review Questions

References

12 Care of the Eye and Ear

SKILL 12.1 Eye Irrigation

SKILL 12.2 Ear Irrigation

Clinical Review Questions

References

13 Promoting Nutrition

SKILL 13.1 Dysphagia Screening and Assisting With Oral

Nutrition

SKILL 13.2 Aspiration Precautions

SKILL 13.3 Insertion and Removal of a Small-Bore Feeding

Tube

SKILL 13.4 Verifying Placement and Irrigating a Feeding Tube

SKILL 13.5 Administering Enteral Nutrition: Nasogastric,

Nasointestinal, Gastrostomy, or Jejunostomy Tube

Clinical Review Questions

References
14 Parenteral Nutrition

SKILL 14.1 Administering Central Parenteral Nutrition

SKILL 14.2 Administering Peripheral Parenteral Nutrition With

Lipid (Fat) Emulsion

Clinical Review Questions

References

15 Pain Management

SKILL 15.1 Pain Assessment and Basic Comfort Measures

SKILL 15.2 Nonpharmacological Pain Management

SKILL 15.3 Pharmacological Pain Management

SKILL 15.4 Patient-Controlled Analgesia

SKILL 15.5 Epidural Analgesia

SKILL 15.6 Local Anesthetic Infusion Pump for Analgesia

SKILL 15.7 Moist and Dry Heat Application

SKILL 15.8 Cold Application

Clinical Review Questions

References

16 Promoting Oxygenation

SKILL 16.1 Oxygen Administration

 SKILL 16.2 Airway Management: Noninvasive Positive-Pressure
Ventilation

SKILL 16.3 Airway Management: Suctioning

SKILL 16.4 Care of Artificial Airways

SKILL 16.5 Managing Closed Chest Drainage Systems

Clinical Review Questions

References

Unit 4 Activity and Mobility

17 Safe Patient Handling

SKILL 17.1 Transfer Techniques

SKILL 17.2 Moving and Positioning Patients in Bed

Clinical Review Questions

References

18 Exercise, Mobility, and Immobilization Devices

SKILL 18.1 Assisting With Ambulation (Without Assist Devices)

SKILL 18.2 Use of Canes, Crutches, and Walkers

SKILL 18.3 Care of a Patient With an Immobilization Device

Clinical Review Questions

References
Unit 5 Promoting Elimination

19 Urinary Elimination

SKILL 19.1 Applying a Male Incontinence Device

SKILL 19.2 Insertion of a Straight or Indwelling Catheter

SKILL 19.3 Care and Removal of an Indwelling Catheter

SKILL 19.4 Suprapubic Catheter Care

SKILL 19.5 Performing Catheter Irrigation

Clinical Review Questions

References

20 Bowel Elimination and Gastric Decompression

SKILL 20.1 Administering an Enema

SKILL 20.2 Insertion, Maintenance, and Removal of a

Nasogastric Tube for Gastric Decompression

Clinical Review Questions

References

21 Ostomy Care

SKILL 21.1 Pouching a Bowel Diversion

SKILL 21.2 Pouching a Urostomy

SKILL 21.3 Catheterizing a Urostomy

 Clinical Review Questions

References

Unit 6 Medication Administration

22 Preparation for Safe Medication Administration

Introduction

Practice Standards

Evidence-Based Practice

Safety Guidelines

Pharmacokinetics

Drug Actions

Types of Medication Action

Administering Medications

Distribution Systems

Medication Administration Record

Seven Rights of Medication Administration

Medication Preparation

Nursing Process

Reporting Medication Errors

Patient and Family Caregiver Teaching

 Handling of Special Medications

Special Considerations

Practice Reflections

Clinical Review Questions

References

23 Nonparenteral Medications

SKILL 23.1 Administering Oral Medications

SKILL 23.2 Administering Medications Through a Feeding Tube

SKILL 23.3 Applying Topical Medications to the Skin

SKILL 23.4 Instilling Eye and Ear Medications

SKILL 23.5 Using Metered-Dose Inhalers

SKILL 23.6 Using Small-Volume Nebulizers

Clinical Review Questions

References

24 Parenteral Medications

Introduction

Practice Standards

Evidence-Based Practice

Safety Guidelines
Needlestick Prevention

SKILL 24.1 Preparing Injections: Vials and Ampules

Assessment

SKILL 24.2 Administering Subcutaneous Injections

Assessment

SKILL 24.3 Administering Intramuscular Injections

Injection Sites

Assessment

SKILL 24.4 Administering Intradermal Injections

Assessment

SKILL 24.5 Administering Medications by Intravenous Bolus

Assessment

SKILL 24.6 Administering Intravenous Medications by Piggyback

and Syringe Pumps

Assessment

SKILL 24.7 Administering Medications by Continuous

Subcutaneous Infusion

Assessment

Special Considerations

Practice Reflections

Clinical Review Questions

 References

Unit 7 Dressings and Wound Care

25 Wound Care and Irrigation

SKILL 25.1 Performing a Wound Irrigation

SKILL 25.2 Managing Wound Drainage Evacuation

SKILL 25.3 Removing Sutures and Staples

SKILL 25.4 Negative-Pressure Wound Therapy

Clinical Review Questions

References

26 Pressure Injury Prevention and Care

SKILL 26.1 Risk Assessment, Skin Assessment, and Prevention

Strategies

SKILL 26.2 Treatment of Pressure Injuries and Wound

Management

Clinical Review Questions

References

27 Dressings, Bandages, and Binders

SKILL 27.1 Applying a Gauze Dressing (Dry and Damp-to-Dry)

SKILL 27.2 Applying a Pressure Bandage

 SKILL 27.3 Applying Hydrocolloid, Hydrogel, Foam, or Alginate
Dressings

Clinical Review Questions

References

Unit 8 Complex Nursing Interventions

28 Intravenous and Vascular Access Therapy

SKILL 28.1 Insertion of a Short-Peripheral Intravenous Device

SKILL 28.2 Regulating Intravenous Infusion Flow Rates

SKILL 28.3 Maintenance of an Intravenous Site

SKILL 28.4 Managing Central Vascular Access Devices

SKILL 28.5 Transfusion of Blood Products

Clinical Review Questions

References

29 Preoperative and Postoperative Care

SKILL 29.1 Preoperative Assessment

SKILL 29.2 Preoperative Teaching

SKILL 29.3 Patient Preparation Before Surgery

SKILL 29.4 Providing Immediate Anesthesia Recovery in the

Postanesthesia Care Unit (PACU)
 SKILL 29.5 Providing Early Postoperative (Phase II) and
Convalescent Phase (Phase III) Recovery

Clinical Review Questions

References

30 Emergency Measures for Life Support in the Hospital Setting

SKILL 30.1 Inserting an Oropharyngeal Airway

SKILL 30.2 Using an Automated External Defibrillator

SKILL 30.3 Code Management

Clinical Review Questions

References

Unit 9 Supportive Nursing Interventions

31 End-of-Life Care

SKILL 31.1 Supporting Patients and Families in Grief

SKILL 31.2 Symptom Management at End of Life

SKILL 31.3 Care of the Body After Death

Clinical Review Questions

References

32 Home Care Safety

SKILL 32.1 Home Environment Assessment and Safety

 SKILL 32.2 Adapting the Home Setting for Clients With
Cognitive Deficits

SKILL 32.3 Medication and Medical Device Safety

Clinical Review Questions

References
Appendixes

Appendix A Integrative Practice Reflections

Gerontological Focus

Home Care Focus

Appendix B Abbreviations and Equivalents

Abbreviations for Conversion Using Household Measures

Standard Equivalents, Abbreviations, and Conversions

Symbols

Abbreviations

Answers to Clinical Review Questions

Index

Index of Skills
Copyright
NURSING INTERVENTIONS AND CLINICAL SKILLS, SEVENTH
EDITION ISBN: 978-0-323-54701-7

Copyright © 2020 by Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any

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protected under copyright by the Publisher (other than as may be
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About the Authors
Anne Griffin Perry RN, MSN, EdD, FAAN

Dr. Anne G. Perry is Professor Emerita and Former

Interim Dean and Associate Dean of Nursing at Southern Illinois
University—Edwardsville. Dr. Perry was also a Professor and taught
at Saint Louis University School of Nursing for over 30 years and is a
Fellow in the American Academy of Nursing. She received her BSN
from the University of Michigan, her MSN from Saint Louis
University, and her EdD from Southern Illinois University at
Edwardsville. Dr. Perry is a prolific and influential author and
speaker. Her work includes four major textbooks (Essentials for
Nursing Practice, Fundamentals of Nursing, Nursing Interventions and
Clinical Skills, and Clinical Nursing Skills and Techniques), multiple
journal articles abstracts, and nursing research and education grants.
She has presented multiple papers at conferences across the United
States. She has acted as an editorial board member of numerous
journals (Journal of Nursing Measurement, Intensive Care Medicine,
AACN Clinical Issues, and Perspectives in Respiratory Nursing), and she
was one of a few key consultants on Mosby's Nursing Skills Videos
and Mosby's Nursing Skills Online.
Patricia A. Potter RN, MSN, PhD, FAAN
 Dr. Patricia Potter received her diploma in nursing
from Barnes School of Nursing; her BSN at the University of
Washington in Seattle, Washington; and her MSN and PhD at Saint
Louis University in St. Louis, Missouri. A ground-breaking author
for more than 30 years, her work includes four major textbooks
(Essentials for Nursing Practice, Fundamentals of Nursing, Nursing
Interventions and Clinical Skills, and Clinical Nursing Skills and
Techniques) and multiple journal articles. She has been an unceasing
advocate of evidence-based practice and quality improvement in her
roles as administrator, educator, and researcher.
Dr. Potter has devoted a lifetime to nursing education, practice,
and research. She spent a decade teaching at Barnes Hospital School
of Nursing and Saint Louis University. She entered into a variety of
managerial and administrative roles, ultimately becoming the
director of nursing practice for Barnes-Jewish Hospital. In that
capacity she sharpened her interest in the development of nursing
practice standards and measurement of patient outcomes in defining
nursing practice. Her most recent passion has been in the area of
nursing research, specifically cancer family caregiving, the effects of
compassion fatigue on nurses, and fall prevention. Dr. Potter was
most recently the Director of Research for Patient Care Services at
Barnes-Jewish Hospital in St. Louis, Missouri, before her retirement
in 2017.
Wendy R. Ostendorf RN, MS, EdD, CNE
 Dr. Wendy R. Ostendorf received her BSN from
Villanova University, her MS from the University of Delaware, and
her EdD from the University of Sarasota. She currently serves as a
contributing faculty in the Master's of Science in Nursing at Walden
University. She has contributed over 26 chapters to multiple nursing
textbooks and has served as co-author for Clinical Nursing Skills and
Techniques and Nursing Interventions & Clinical Skills. She has
presented over 25 papers at conferences at the local, national, and
international levels.
Professionally, Dr. Ostendorf has a diverse background in
pediatric and adult critical care. She has taught at the
undergraduate, master's, and doctoral level for over 30 years. With
decades of practice as a clinician, her educational experiences have
influenced her teaching philosophy and perceptions of the nursing
profession. Dr. Ostendorf's current interests include the history and
image of nursing as it has been represented in film, as well as the use
of dedicated units and preceptors on students’ transition to practice.
Another Random Scribd Document
with Unrelated Content
 THE SHAM FIGHT.

W
ell, Jones,—who's gone?—any body?” This was the first
question which the excellent hostess of The New Passage
Inn put to the waiter, as she descended one morning,
rather later than usual, to her breakfast. Jones replied,
“Every body's gone, ma'am: two parties, and one single gentleman,
went across in the boat, without breakfasting—”
“Without breakfasting, Jones! I hope they've taken no offence.”
“Oh! no! I'm pretty sure of that, ma'am:—they went away very
comfortable, on rum and milk.”
“Rum and milk!”
“Yes, ma'am; glasses round, with biscuits.”
“Oh! well! come!—And how did the ladies in number nine go?”
“In the yellow chaise; and the people in the back drawingroom,
went with Tom Davis, in the green coach; and what with one and
another, there isn't a turn-boy but Sam, in the yard:—he's got no
chaise, you know, ma'am; and his hand-horse won't be fit to work,
the blacksmith says, till Tuesday.”
“Oh! well! come!” replied the hostess. “Then we've no company
left.”
“Oh! yes,” said Jones; “one gentleman came over in the boat, this
morning, too late for a chaise; and there's a traveller got down from
Bristol, on horseback, too late for the boat.”
“And where have you put them, Jones?”
“They haven't come in-doors yet, ma'am.”
“What are they doing then, Jones?”
“One of them is throwing stones into the water, and the other is
looking at him, seemingly, ma'am.”
 “Pretty amusement!” said the landlady, shaking her head as she
peeped through the bar-window, and saw the two gentlemen, at a
little distance from the house, amusing themselves as Jones had
stated. The active party was a man advanced in years, stout and
squat in person, wearing a profusion of powder, and having the
appearance of a respectable tradesman. He did not seem to be
aware that he was observed, and continued to exert himself very
strenuously in throwing pebbles into the water; until the other
traveller, who stood within thirty paces of him, burst out into a shout
of laughter, which the tradesman no sooner heard, than he, naturally
enough, turned about to see from whose lungs it issued, feeling by
no means gratified at being made acquainted, in such a manner,
with the proximity of a stranger. He slyly dropped two or three
pebbles which he had in his hand; hummed the chorus of a song,
very much out of tune; and assumed a pompous and important
stride, which rendered him exceedingly ridiculous in the eyes of the
stranger, who in vain attempted to control himself, and laughed
louder than before. The tradesman now resolutely tucked up his
sleeves and resumed his exercise. He had thrown two or three dozen
pebbles among the little waves, when the stranger, to his surprise,
approached, and, in a very handsome manner, begged pardon for
the circumstance which had peremptorily obliged him to intrude with
an apology. The elderly man protested that he did not understand
the gentleman who thus addressed him:—“Sir,” said he, “I know not
why you should apologize, for you have given me no offence. I do
not remember to have heard or seen any thing on your part, at
which I could possibly take umbrage. However, if my hand were not
dirty, I should be happy to offer it you, as I would to any military
man in the kingdom: though you seem to have but lately reached
the years of manhood, your weather-beaten face convinces me, sir,
that you have seen service. If there's no objection on your part, I
should be happy to join you at the breakfast-table. I've smelt
powder myself; but I'll warrant, now, you would hardly have been
keen enough to detect any symptoms of the soldier about me, if I
hadn't let the cat out of the bag.”
 “Indeed I should not, sir, I must confess,” replied the young
officer.
“But,” continued the other, “allowances ought to be made; dress is
every thing, as our lieutenant-colonel used to say. Now, if it were not
for that stripe on your trousers, your military cloak, and foraging cap
—”
“It's very likely you would not have guessed I was in the service,”
said the officer.
“Exactly so,” replied his companion. “But what say you, sir?—shall
we breakfast together?—I'm a respectable man, and well known in
most towns in the West of England. I travel in my own line, and do
business extensively on commission, in old or damaged hops,
especially in Wales, where I'm going the next trip the passage-boat
makes.”
“I can have no doubt of your respectability, sir,” said the officer;
“and accept your invitation very cheerfully.”
“Well, come along then, my boy!” exclaimed the traveller,
descending, for a moment, from his dignity of deportment; “and
we'll have a dish of chat. Have you been abroad?”
“Yes, sir,” replied the young officer; “I had the honour of serving,
with my regiment, at Waterloo.”
“Bless my soul! I'm very glad, sir—very glad, indeed:—there are
two or three points, about which I have long wished to have my
mind settled, relative to that business;—but I never yet had the luck
of meeting with an eye-witness of the battle. Why, sir,—it's the
oddest thing in the world, you'll say;—but at the moment you
addressed me, I was thinking of Hougoumont, and the other places
whose names you recollect, no doubt, better than I do.—And what
do you think put it into my head? Why, I'll tell you:—as I was
walking along, the waves, with their bold flow, surmounted by spray,
with the sunbeams dancing about them, reminded me of a regiment
of cuirassiers advancing to the attack: so, to get a better appetite, in
the enthusiasm of the moment I metamorphosed myself into a
battery, and began playing away upon them with pebbles.—Child's
work, you'll say, and derogatory to the character of a man of
dignity.”
“I do not exactly agree with you, sir,” said the officer; “great men
have often indulged in the most childish amusements; we are told of
one who caught flies, another who made himself a hobby-horse for
his little family, and a third who enjoyed the frolics of a kitten:—on
the authority of these, and many similar precedents which I
recollect, there seems to be no good reason why a gentleman, who
travels in South Wales, on commission in the damaged hop line,
should not, in a moment of relaxation, Don-Quixotise on the basks
of the Severn, by turning the waves of its rising tide into French
cuirassiers, and pelting them with pebbles.”
“Sir, I like your manner amazingly!” exclaimed the traveller; “and if
you will take any little extra, such as a pork chop or so, with your
chocolate—”
The officer interrupted his companion, by stating that he never
took pork chops with chocolate; and immediately began talking
about the battle of Waterloo, of which, during the walk to the inn,
and while breakfast was preparing and demolishing, he gave the
traveller a very animated and interesting description.
His companion, in return, volunteered a narrative of the most
important military event he had ever borne a share in. “I allude,”
said he, “to the great sham fight, that took place eleven years ago,
near a certain ancient and respectable borough, in a neighbouring
county, at which I had the honour of being present, with a corps you
have, probably, heard of, rather by the honourable and appropriate
nick-name of 'The Borough Buffs,' than by the one which appeared
on its buttons and orderly-books. There was not, perhaps, a more
loyal association in the kingdom: we had not a single French frog on
our uniform; which, although I say it, was one of the most elegant
specimens of regimentals that has yet been produced. Our
lieutenant-colonel was as brave and talented a volunteer-officer as
ever wore a sword; and so much satisfaction did he give to his
fellow-townsmen, or fellow-soldiers,—it matters not which, for they
were both,—that a gold cup was presented to him at a public dinner,
the very day before the sham fight took place, in testimony of the
gratitude felt by the whole corps to their worthy and respected
lieutenant-colonel,—whose name was Nickelcockle. The party
consisted of all our own officers, and six or eight guests, who were
attached to a division of a marching regiment, with blue facings, that
happened to be quartered in the borough. Perhaps you never sat
down to a more elegant dinner:—eatables excellent,—every thing
that was expensive and out of season; wine of the first price; and
the speeches any thing you please but parliamentary. That of our
major, Alderman Arkfoot, when he presented the cup, was one of
the neatest things I had then heard: but it was rather eclipsed by
Lieutenant-Colonel Nickelcockle's reply; who, to his other gifts,
added that of eloquence, in an extraordinary degree.—He was,
indeed, an eminent man: ambitious, daring, and talented,—he had,
as he frequently boasted, risen from the shop-board to be one of the
greatest army-clothiers in the kingdom; and retired, in the prime of
life, with a splendid fortune, and one daughter, Miss Arabella
Nickelcockle, who is now the wife of a baronet.—But to return to his
speech:—'Gentlemen, and brother officers of The Borough Buff
Volunteers,' said he, 'this is the proudest moment I ever experienced
since I have been a soldier.' At this early period of our lieutenant-
colonel's speech, several of the officers belonging to the marching
regiment, testified their approbation by crying 'Hear! hear! bravo!
hear!'—'Gentlemen, and brother officers,' continued the lieutenant-
colonel, 'my gratitude is immeasurable, and therefore,
inexpressible.'—'Cut the shop, colonel!' whispered the adjutant, who
sat on his right hand, and who, it must be confessed, too often
prompted the lieutenant-colonel, both at our convivial meetings and
on parade, to be quite agreeable: indeed, the fact was frequently
noticed by the corps, and whenever the circumstance was broached,
the parties who mentioned it, invariably sneered; which clearly
shewed their opinion of the matter. The lieutenant-colonel was too
good-natured by half, and took the intrusive hints of the adjutant
much too easily; at least, in my opinion.—'Gentlemen, and brother
officers of The Borough Buffs,' resumed the lieutenant-colonel;
'anxious as I am, at all times, to avail myself of the advice of our
worthy and experienced adjutant, I cannot make it fit my own
feelings to do so at present: he says, 'Cut the shop, colonel!'—Now,
although I have retired, I cannot forget that I owe my present
situation to trade and commerce. I rose, by my own merit, to the
highest civil posts in the borough; and, brother officers, I also did
ditto from the ranks of this corps to be its lieutenant-colonel!' Here
the shouts of approbation were nearly deafening: the regular officers
at the lower end, seemed, by their 'bravos!' to pay a compliment to
the gentle-men-tradesmen, who were about them; and, no doubt,
enjoyed the vexation of the crest-fallen adjutant, if one might judge
by their laughter. Several glasses were broken; and one of the
corporation took off his wig, and flourished it so enthusiastically
round his head, that a shower of powder descended on the persons
who sat on each side of him, as well as those immediately opposite.
As soon as order could be restored, the lieutenant-colonel proceeded
with his speech. 'Gentlemen,' said he, 'without any disrespect to our
guests, I beg to say, that an armed citizen is the best of soldiers.
And why?—Because he has his shop, his goods, his book-debts, et
cetera, as well as his King and country to fight for.'—'Bravo!' and
'hear him!'—'I know that some of the wits, as they call themselves,—
the opposition party of the borough,—and those who are out of
place, I have always remarked, shew their wit much oftener than
those who are in;—I say, gentlemen, that some of the outs have
been sneering at the cup and its trimmings: they say that the handle
of it looks more like a goose than a swan; which is, doubtless, a hit
at my profession:—but to the utter confusion of the discontented
wise-acres, for once in their lives they are right! I confess, much to
the credit of the artificer, that it does look more like a goose than a
swan. And why! Because, gentlemen—because it was intended for a
goose!—It is, to my knowledge, cut out from an old Roman pattern,
which, I presume, was originally made about the time when the bird
I mentioned came into notice among the first circles, for having
saved Rome, as you all have read in ancient history or elsewhere.'
Major Arkfoot, who had manifested considerable,—and, if I may say
so,—very unbecoming impatience, during the latter sentence or two,
here interrupted the lieutenant-colonel, in a most un-officer-like
manner, and flatly stated that he was labouring under a mistake:—
he, Major Arkfoot, had been honoured with the orders of the
committee, to make the cup, and he offered to pawn his entire
credit, that the figure was intended for a swan; although, he
confessed, there was a slight deficiency in the resemblance: 'but
that,' said he, 'with the greatest respect I say it, lies at the
committee's door: they spoiled the ship for a ha'porth of tar; if they
had only given me the other five guineas, which I demanded, the
bird's neck would have been at least an inch and a half longer, and
so made all the difference.' 'Well, gentlemen, goose or swan,'—
pursued the lieutenant-colonel; but before he could utter another
word, several members of the committee rose at once, to address
the major, who vowed that though its neck was rather abbreviated,
it certainly was, to all intents and purposes, a swan; the officers of
the marching regiment, at the lower end of the table, vociferated, 'A
goose! a goose!' and Alderman Major Arkfoot, finding he had the
worst of it, rose again, and roared loud enough to be heard, 'Well,
gentlemen, as my dissentient voice does not seem to yield infinite
delight to the company, without offence to the lieutenant-colonel, a
goose let it be dubbed!' And it was so most unanimously. While the
lieutenant-colonel endeavoured, as he said, to pick up the thread of
his discourse, which had been interrupted in the manner I have
mentioned, I cast my eyes toward the lower end of the table, and,
truly, I never remember to have seen any gentlemen more cheerful
at table, than the officers with the blue trimmings. The lieutenant-
colonel next touched upon the important subject of the great sham
fight, on the ensuing day. After describing the general appearance,
the advantages and disadvantages of the field,—viewing it with a
military eye,—he descanted at great length, on the importance of
the post to which The Borough Buffs were appointed. It was a hill
that rose almost perpendicularly from the bank of a swift brook, and
was nearly inaccessible at all points except in the rear. 'Brother-
officers,' cried the lieutenant-colonel, 'the gallant general who
commands us, on this occasion, pronounces the post to be
impregnable;—and I feel most grateful to him for the high honour of
having entrusted its defence to the gallant corps of Borough Buffs
under my command. We form, gentlemen, the right arm—the
adjutant says, 'wing'—but I say, the right arm'—'Wing!' interrupted
the pertinacious and very unpleasant adjutant. 'Well, the wing,'—
thus the lieutenant-colonel went on; 'the gizzard-wing, of what are
supposed to be the English forces:—our instructions are, to maintain
our post against a regiment of breechless Highlanders; and I doubt
not but that success will crown our efforts. Let not our renown be
tarnished by the non-attendance of any of the officers or privates of
the corps;—let not any man's wife or family, by vain fears, induce
him to hang back on this occasion. It is the first time we have ever
had an opportunity of distinguishing ourselves; and I pledge my
word that there is no more danger than in an ordinary parade. The
general, when he inspected us, did me the honour to say, that there
was not a corps in the service whose accoutrements were cleaner, or
whose coats fitted better. Brother-officers, let us prove that we fit
our coats, as well as they fit us;—let us shew those who sneer at us
for being tradesmen, that, if we do—as they say—if we do drive
bargains upon parade, we can also drive the enemy in the field!' The
applause which had been gradually increasing at every interval
between the lieutenant-colonel's sentences, here reached its climax;
the officers at the lower end of the table very freely joined in it, out
of respect to the corps; indeed, the conduct of these gentlemen was
exceedingly flattering on this occasion. But to continue:
—'Gentlemen,' exclaimed the lieutenant-colonel, 'I know that your
feelings match exactly with my own; but, remember, we have a keen
enemy to encounter; we must, therefore, be as cool, as collected,
and as sharp as needles. We shall be supported by two companies of
infantry, who will take up a position, at a little distance on our left,
and so connect us with the main line. The companies I allude to are
of that glorious and gallant regiment to which our worthy guests
with the blue facings belong: they, as well as a troop of yeomanry,
which I expect will muster six or eight-and-thirty strong, will be
tacked to The Borough Buffs and receive my orders.'—'Compose,
with our corps, the division under my command,' muttered the
adjutant But the lieutenant-colonel either did not hear, or would not
heed him, and went on with his speech.
 “'Gentlemen,' said he, 'I have only to repeat my thanks for the
honour you have conferred on me;—to beseech the greatest
punctuality, neatness, and despatch, to-morrow; and to drink
success to the loyal and efficient corps of Borough Buff Volunteers!'
The tumultuous cheers with which this toast was received, I will not
attempt to describe. The lieutenant-colonel sat down very well
satisfied with himself, as well he might, and everything went on
amicably for above an hour; when the peace of the party was rather
disturbed by a violent quarrel, between Alderman Major Arkfoot and
Alderman Lieutenant Squill, one of the committee-men, relative to
the goose or the swan,—whichever it might be, on the presentation-
cup. Words, at last, rose to such a height, that Alderman Arkfoot—
very indecently referring to connubial affairs, totally without
foundation,—for I do not think any man, besides her husband, was
better acquainted with the private life and domestic virtues of Mrs.
Squill than myself,—most injudiciously, in his heat, called Alderman
Squill 'a cuckoldy cur!' Alderman Squill asked, very warmly, 'what he
meant by his double entendre?' And the corps might have been
seriously disgraced, by an effusion from that feature whence no
military man wishes to shed his blood, when the lieutenant-colonel,
with that infinite presence of mind for which he has always been
admirable in business, the council-chamber, or the field, rose up, and
placing a hand on each belligerent party's mouth, who were sitting,
or rather, standing, within his reach, and opposite each other,—
called upon one of the officers with the blue facings, for a sentiment
or a song. A tall captain, whose face, if I may presume to say so,
was too ferocious to be genteel, but who had, I must needs testify,
been very prominent in applauding the lieutenant-colonel's speech,
immediately complied, and, with his victorious voice, soon
vanquished the inimical and unsociable uproar at our end of the
table, which ought to have set a pattern to the junior officers in the
centre. But a good-natured gentleman's song or saying, often
produces an effect very different to what the singer or the sayer
intends; and this was the case with the ditty of the captain of the
ferocious aspect and colossal voice. His burthen, or chorus, which he
meant as a compliment to us, was turned into a sneer, by some who
sat near the colonel, and who always felt sore even at a compliment
on the corps from any of the regulars. The words of the chorus
were, simply, as I shall here specify;—to wit,—as the law says:—

'The Borough Volunteers, my boys,

Are men both stout and bold;
And when they meet the enemy,
They scorn to be controll'd!'”

“For my own part, I felt obliged to the gentleman, and considered

the expressions as highly gratifying to every member of the corps;
but there were some about me who thought differently. They said,
that the word 'stout,' in the second line, was palpably meant
satirically, on account of the portliness of the greater part of the
officers of The Borough Buffs; and that the two last lines were
intended to be offensive, because the singer well knew that our
corps, never yet having had the good fortune to be opposed to an
enemy, could not possibly have exhibited its valour. There were two
riders tacked to this reading of the lines; one of which was, that the
words, 'They scorn to be controlled!' amounted to an impeachment
on our discipline: the second, I recollect, went further, and broadly
stated, that those words implied cowardice; and that, were the corps
ever to be brought face to face with an enemy, we, The Borough
Buffs, should, in our fears, so scorn control, as to shew our
adversaries a regiment of heels! Alderman Arkfoot observed, that as
we were all in regimentals, we ought to feel and act as gentlemen,
and call the individual to an account for his obnoxious chorus; which,
he doubted not, might be explained away; but for the honour of the
corps, he thought it ought to be noticed. The lieutenant-colonel, and
several others, were of the same opinion; and it was unanimously
agreed, that the officer, with the ferocious aspect and exceedingly
stupendous voice, should be hauled over the coals.—The discussion
was held in a low tone of voice amongst ourselves, at the head of
the table; we had arrived at that point, when men break into knots,
and discourse in dozens, so that our debate was unheard and
unnoticed by those who were below us. It was agreed that
satisfaction should be demanded; and there the matter seemed to
rest, or rather, to be dying away, for nobody volunteered to do the
needful. At last, when another subject had been started, the
adjutant mooted it up again, by saying, that we reminded him of the
fable of the mice, who decided on putting a bell round Grimalkin's
neck, but no valorous individual would undertake the exploit.
—'Gentlemen,' continued he, 'that the officer at the bottom of the
table did intend an insult to the corps, I have no doubt;—far be it
from me to say we do not merit his sneers;—but that matters not; it
behoves us to keep up a character, though we know we do not
deserve it The gentleman must be spoken with. I should do myself
the honour of presenting him with my card, but that it would be a
high breach of military decorum for me to take precedence, in the
business, of the lieutenant-colonel and Major Arkfoot; on either of
whom I shall be proud and happy to attend on this most peremptory
occasion.' The lieutenant-colonel and Alderman Arkfoot now thought
they saw the expressions in rather a different light: they very
properly animadverted upon the evil of bickering or quarrelling about
trifles;—protested that a joke was a joke;—observed that the
gentleman was their guest, and to-morrow was appointed for the
sham fight; and, finally, began to joke and jog off, by degrees, to
other affairs;—giving such a favourable colour to the matter, as they
dropped it, as to excite my admiration and respect. But the bull-dog
adjutant still persevered in pinning them to the point; and, in the
end, positively drove our reluctant friends into a tacit compliance
with his request, to be constituted the second of one of them in the
affair. He would not speak to the officer with the ferocious aspect
and blue facings on the subject at table, but said he should defer it
until the party broke up. He then began to be horribly gay and
loquacious. Melancholy reigned among the rest of us, at the upper
end of the table, during the residue of our stay, and we wished our
worthy lieutenant-colonel and Alderman Arkfoot 'goodnight!' with
aching hearts;—blessing ourselves, individually and silently, as we
went home, that we were not field-officers of The Borough Buffs.
The adjutant, sure enough, spoke to the officer who had sung the
song, that night; but the gentleman would give no satisfaction, and
was so fastidious, as to refuse fighting either the lieutenant-colonel,
the major, or, as he said, any other mechanical or counter fellow in
the corps: but as for the adjutant, (who had served, I must tell you,
in a marching regiment, and sold out,) he'd fight him with the
greatest pleasure in life, because he was a gentleman. The next
morning they met; our adjutant was attended by a one-armed
lieutenant of the navy, because the friend of the officer of the
ferocious aspect refused, like his principal, to meet any of us on the
subject. Thus the adjutant dug a pit for himself; and none of us
were more sorry than became us for it, except that it deprived us of
his advice in the sham fight; for the wound which he received in the
duel with the officer, although by no means dangerous, was
sufficient to prevent him from leaving his bed for a week.
“The next morning, half the borough was in arms, and the
remainder in an uproar. We mustered, at an early hour, in a large
field, adjoining Captain Tucker's tan-pits; and only nine men and one
officer did not answer to their names. The officer was Surgeon
Tamlen;—he was obliged to remain in attendance on Lieutenant
Squill's good lady, who was really of such an affectionate and
anxious turn, that her forebodings lest the lieutenant should get hurt
had so worked upon her nerves, that he left her with positive
symptoms of fever. Nothing, however, could deter him from doing his
duty; he felt satisfied that all her wants and wishes would be
attended to by Surgeon Tamlen, in his absence, and joined us in
very tolerable spirits, considering all things. I forgot to mention that,
besides the defaulters, a third of the grenadiers were absent on
some secret service, the nature of which we could not divine,
notwithstanding the lieutenant-colonel winked very significantly
when we noticed their non-appearance. Several ladies, in barouches
and landaus, with buff favours in their bosoms and bonnets,—the
wives and daughters of the officers and other leading men in the
borough,—saluted us as they dashed along the road which bounded
the field, on their way to the hill. Such a circumstance as a sham
fight had not occurred in our neighbourhood within the memory of
man; and every lady was, naturally enough, anxious to witness the
interesting scene, in which her husband or father was to bear some
conspicuous part. Precisely as the clock of the Borough Hall struck
eight, we marched off, with drums beating, colours flying, and
everything agreeable and auspicious. I must give the lieutenant-
colonel the credit to say that, in our preliminary manoeuvres, as well
as during the march, the officers and men were much more
comfortable than if the adjutant had been with us; the latter being a
man who was eternally finding fault, where no other individual in the
regiment could perceive any thing to be amiss. After a distressing
march of two hours and a half, along a dusty road, we reached the
rear of the hill. There we halted for about twenty minutes, and then
proceeded to mount the acclivity, all the difficulties of which we
overcame, and on our arrival at its summit, were gratified by a
prospect which fully recompensed us for our toils. The secret service
on which the grenadiers had been sent was now very pleasantly
palpable. Our excellent lieutenant-colonel, whose prudence and
attention on all occasions, no words of mine can sufficiently applaud,
had despatched, at day-break, two artillery-waggons, which he had
requested for the purpose from the general, under convoy of our
grenadiers, to the post we were to occupy. The first waggon
contained thirty rounds—not of ball-cartridges—but beef, a strong
detachment of turkies, a squadron of hams, a troop of tongues, and
several battalions of boiled fowls and legs of mutton. The second
waggon was garrisoned by hampers of wine, ale, and liquors; and
plates, knives and forks, bread, cheese, mustard, and all the
etceteras of the table, were billetted in the various crannies and
corners. There was only one drawback on the delight which the
appearance of so many good things produced:—the men, not having
been made acquainted with the lieutenant-colonel's kind intention of
ordering a cold collation out of our surplus funds, for refreshment
after our intended repulse of the Highlanders, had each brought his
dinner in his knapsack; or, where no private and individual provision
had been made, messes were arranged, and every man carried his
separate quota for the general good. For instance:—one had charged
his knapsack with a beef-steak pie, another with a ham, a third with
a fillet of veal, a fourth with a keg of ale, and so on. Notwithstanding
this, we could not help admiring our lieutenant-colonel's foresight, in
providing for our wants and comforts. It was certainly to be wished
though, that he had not restricted himself to a wink or a nod on the
occasion; and this was the chief mistake in judgment which he
committed, much to his praise be it spoken, in the course of that
arduous and eventful day. The ladies, who had left their landaus and
barouches at the foot of the hill, were busy, on our arrival, laying out
the refreshments in the most elegant and tasteful manner
imaginable:—each dish was garnished by laurel leaves; and in the
centre of the cloths, which were laid upon a part of the ground that
was levelled and mown for the purpose, we beheld, as we marched
along the flank of the collation, a device in confectionary, which
excited the warmest approbation of the whole corps—officers as well
as men: it consisted of a variety of expressive and appropriate
martial ornaments, around which buff ribbons were entwined,
supporting a splendid cage of barley-sugar, with a bird cut out of
currant-jelly inside it, and a cap of liberty surmounting the whole!—
We gave three cheers at the sight, and instantly prepared for action.
But the colonel, with evident indignation and his accustomed dignity,
reprimanded the corps in general, and two of the privates,—butchers
and brothers, by-the-by, who were sharpening knives on their
bayonets,—in particular, for this improper and very unsoldier-like
ebullition. He pointed to the Highlanders, who were already forming
for attack at the foot of the hill; and bade us remember that, in his
last general orders, he had specially enjoined every officer and man
in the corps to eat a good breakfast before he left home; so that no
one had any excuse for being hungry these two hours. The
grenadiers were ordered to fix bayonets in front of the collation, and
the main body of the corps immediately obeyed the word of
command to march. In a few moments we were at the brow of the
hill; and there, in the presence of the Highlanders, and, indeed, two-
thirds of the whole field, the lieutenant-colonel put us through as
much of the platoon exercise as he thought fit. Only three muskets
were dropped during the drill; and, at its conclusion, the lieutenant-
colonel, Major Arkfoot, and the other officers who were picked out
for the staff, rode through the ranks, diffusing courage and
confidence, with small glasses of brandy, to every man in the corps.
 “At length we heard the enemy's right wing opening a tremendous
fire far away on our left; the lieutenant-colonel immediately
dismounted, for his horse did not exhibit sufficient symptoms of
discipline to warrant our commander's retaining his seat; and, at
that moment, the Highlanders struck up a popular tune on their
bagpipes, to which, on turning our eyes towards the munitions, we
observed our fair ladies reeling it away, very elegantly, with the
gallant grenadiers. On came the enemy, gaily, as if they were going
to a wedding; but, wait a bit, thought we, they will look rather
foolish when they come to the bank of the brook,—of which they
really did not seem to be aware. We were all ready to break out into
one universal shout of laughter at their surprise, and immediately to
gall them with a tremendous volley of blank cartridge; when, to our
astonishment, on reaching the bank, they marched into the water,
and slap through it, without breaking step, or the time of the tune
they played an their bagpipes!—Our lieutenant-colonel, as may very
naturally be supposed, was totally unprepared for this; even though
they did not wear breeches, he could not have foreseen that they
would have marched above their knees in water, at a sham fight:—
but he did not lose his presence of mind; he immediately ordered
the drums to beat, the fifes to play, the colours to be waved, the
whole corps to fire, and every individual, officers and all, to increase
the noise of the volley, by a stout and hearty hurrah!—We had
scarcely obeyed his orders, when the ladies set up a shriek which
shattered every man's nerves in the ranks. We looked over our left
shoulders at the sound, and, to our infinite dismay and amazement,
beheld a body of Highlanders at our backs, advancing in double
quick time, with bayonets fixed, to charge us in rear! The lieutenant-
colonel, perceiving the critical posture of affairs, and ever alive to
the welfare of the corps, ran round to meet the enemy; and cried,
with all his might, 'Halt! remnant of the Highlanders! Halt! remnant
of the Highlanders! Halt, I repeat!'—But the savage rogues, who had
marched round the hill unperceived by us, while their comrades
advanced in front, heeded the lieutenant-colonel as little as if he had
been an oyster-wench, and still came on at a dogtrot pace; while the
other fellows of the regiment, who had, by this time, nearly reached
the brow of the hill, did the like, with loud shouts and fixed
bayonets, as though it were a real, instead of a sham fight. At last,—
the lieutenant-colonel in the rear, and Major Arkfoot in front, being
actually within a few paces of their points—the lieutenant-colonel,
out of a most fatherly regard for those under his command, thinking
the matter began to be above a joke, and not knowing to what
extent the terrific enthusiasm of the Highlanders might carry them,
gave at once the word, and a most excellent example to all who
chose to follow it, for retreating. Thus, we were compelled, through
violence and a fraudulent ruse-de-guerre, which we were totally
unprepared to expect in a sham fight, to leave our ladies, legs of
mutton, turkeys, wine, hams, and other provisions, at the mercy of a
rude and breechless enemy! One or two of our fellows, who could
not get away, described to us, afterwards, the unseemly glee with
which the hungry, half-starved Highlanders, sat down to our rounds
of beef, boiled fowls, tongue, and other dainties and drinkables; and
how soon these things disappeared before them. But what really
irked and annoyed us more than the mishap and loss of our
collation, was, that the ladies, for months after, vaunted the
gallantry and politeness of the Highland officers, who,—confound
them!—it seems, protested against the amusements of the fair ones
being interrupted by their appearance; and, after devouring the
lieutenant-colonel's cold collation, insisted, with the most marked
urbanity, on our wives and daughters continuing their reels to the
sound of the bagpipes, substituting themselves for the flying
grenadiers. We heard of nothing in the town, for ten months after,
but the gallant Highlanders and their handsome legs, and a dozen
other matters to which husbands and fathers have solid objections
to listen. Lieutenant and Alderman Squill had the ill-nature to say,
that he felt exceedingly happy that his wife had been taken so very
unwell that morning, as to be placed under the care of Surgeon
Tamlen; and those villains, the epigram writers, in the poet's corner
of our country paper, had the impudence to lampoon us, for leaving,
as they said, our Dalilas in the hands of the Philistines. But we bore
our taunts with manly fortitude; though, I must say, the fact is not
yet forgotten in the borough; and the young ladies grieve, who were
not old enough to be on the hill, with their mamas or sisters, when
the gallant Highlanders, as they call them, routed The Borough
Buffs.
“We retreated in such disorder as circumstances rendered
inevitable for above a mile, when our wind failing us, we rallied. The
line was no sooner formed than somebody proposed that we should
lunch; the motion was carried unanimously, and down the men sat
to devour the contents of their knapsacks: the lieutenant-colonel,
Major Arkfoot, and the rest of the staff, advanced to the carriages
where the ladies had left their provisions, under the laudable
pretence of reconnoitring;—for field officers must eat, although they
should seem to be above it, as well as privates. We occasionally
heaved a sigh for the poor things we had left behind us, and
determined to effect a rescue at all hazards; but none of us indulged
in such unmilitary sorrow as to blunt the edge of our appetites, and
we proceeded to lunch very satisfactorily. But another misfortune,
which no human foresight could prevent, occurred to the corps while
we were eating. We had very naturally concluded that the
Highlanders would have remained content with obtaining possession
of the post; or, at any rate, been retained by the attractions of the
collation and the ladies; we, therefore, felt quite easy. But, strange
to say, the fellows not only devoured our provisions, danced, drank,
and sang, while we were retreating, but actually came upon us again
before we could fully sacrifice to the cravings of nature. The
lieutenant-colonel and the whole of the staff were taken prisoners,
and driven off, under an escort of Highlanders, in solemn mockery, in
the landaus and barouches, to our ancient borough; and we, who
were now without an efficient leader, felt obliged to scamper—we
scarcely knew where. We acted as a hive of ants, when their haunt
is suddenly invaded by a ruthless brood of juvenile turkeys; each of
us snatched up a gun, a knuckle of ham, a knapsack, or a loaf, no
matter to whom it belonged, so that each individual was freighted
for the general good, and away to go!—We had not proceeded far
before we were overtaken, and our progress was arrested by the
troops under the orders of the captain of the ferocious aspect, blue
facings, and terrific voice. No sooner had he ascertained the
situation of our affairs, than he assumed the command, and ordered
us to halt, in a tone and manner that nobody felt inclined to disobey.
The Highlanders, finding that they were not a match for us in
retreating, had, previously, relinquished the pursuit, in favour of a
regiment of cavalry, who came down upon us at full speed. The
captain of the ferocious aspect seeing this, immediately drew us off
into a field,—for we were now in an inclosed country,—and after
commanding his own men, the yeomanry, and the centre company
of our corps, to fly in the greatest apparent disorder, ordered us to
draw up, with a quick-set hedge and a deep and very dirty ditch
between us and the enemy. When the cavalry had reached within a
few hundred yards of the hedge which protected us, the captain
with the huge voice said, in a whisper which was heard from one
end of the line to the other:—'The Borough Buff Volunteers will all lie
down in the ditch!' This order spread consternation through the
corps; but down we were obliged to go—in the filthy, abominable
puddle and mire, lying in close order from one end of the ditch to
the other, and fouling our regimentals in a manner that made us,
collectively and individually, grieve in the most superlative degree.
Anon, the cavalry came up,—little dreaming that we were lying in
the mire and puddle,—leaped the hedge and ditch, in line, and
scampered off after the fugitives. They had scarcely galloped a
hundred paces, when the captain with the ferocious aspect ordered
us to rise, form on the bank, and pour a volley, which we had kept in
reserve, into their rear. The centre company, the regulars, and
yeomanry, no sooner heard the report than, in pursuance of orders
they had received, they formed and faced about for attack.—We
then charged the enemy, in front and in rear at the same moment;
and there being no outlet to the field on the right or left, the cavalry
were completely placed at a nonplus; and had the business been a
bona fide engagement, their position, as you must needs admit,
would not have been altogether exquisite.—This manouvre of the
captain with the blue facings and ferocious aspect retrieved the
honour of the Borough Buffs; and we returned home with drums
beating, colours flying, and great eclat, notwithstanding we had lost
our field-officers, our ladies, our provisions, and possession of the
impregnable hill.”

Original Size -- Medium-Size

 THE BACHELOR'S DARLING.

O
n a fine summer's morning, a few years ago, two travellers
were observed by the turnpike-woman, approaching along
the high road, towards Bilberry Gate; both were on foot, and
one of them led a very pretty poney, laden with two or three
half-filled sacks, and an assortment of new and second-hand
saucepans, ladles, and similar wares. As they advanced, the
turnpike-woman amused herself, by picking up such crumbs of their
discourse, as the distance between her and the interlocutors would
permit; and by putting what she thus gleaned together, Dame Hetty
discovered that they were strangers to each other;—the tinker's
companion having scraped acquaintance with that worthy only a few
minutes before, on the ground of their both being, apparently,
journeying in the same direction. The tinker, she thought, was about
thirty, or two-and-thirty years of age, at the utmost; he was a rough,
thick-set fellow, of a middling size, with a loud voice and swaggering
deportment His companion, Dame Hetty set down in her own mind
as an Irishman, by his brogue;—he was, most likely, she thought, a
beggar or a ballad-singer, or both, by his accoutrements; he had a
wooden leg, a patch over his right eye, and the left sleeve of his
ragged military jacket seemed to be empty. Hetty conjectured from
these appearances that he might be an old soldier; but thought it
was more probable that he had lost his limbs and eye by casualties
not produced by war; and had assumed regimentals, as a striking
costume for a maimed beggar or ballad-singer, although, perhaps,
he had never smelt powder since he fired off penny cannons in his
urchinhood.
These ideas came into Dame Hetty's head, without any solicitation
on her part: she cared as little about the travellers as they did about
her; but she looked at them and thought about them merely for
want of a better subject, while she waited at the gate-side in
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