TRAITS OF GOOD listening
The key concept here is listening effectively, which involves letting others speak more (80%)
while you speak less (20%). When you do speak, focus on asking questions that encourage
your conversation partner to share their thoughts, ideas, or concerns. This approach leads to
better communication, understanding, and decision-making.
1. 80/20 Rule for Conversations:
The other person should speak 80% of the time, and you should speak 20%.Use
your 20% wisely by asking thoughtful questions instead of giving long opinions or
advice.
2. Why Listening Matters:
It helps people feel heard and respected.Listening carefully allows you to
understand their true concerns and motivations.Leaders or managers who listen
create a welcoming environment for new ideas.
3. How to Listen Well:
Resist the urge to dominate the conversation or solve problems immediately.Use
open-ended questions to explore deeper insights.Pay attention to what is being
said before responding.
Real-Life Example:
Imagine you’re a manager, and your team member says, “I’m struggling to meet deadlines.” If
you jump in with solutions like “Try working faster” without fully understanding, you might miss
the real issue. Instead, ask questions like:
“What challenges are you facing with deadlines?”
“Are there specific tasks taking longer than expected?”
By listening to their answers, you might discover they’re overwhelmed with unnecessary
meetings, not slow at their tasks. This insight allows you to provide meaningful support, such as
reducing meeting time, rather than offering irrelevant advice.
Listening is a skill that requires practice and patience but pays off by improving relationships,
fostering trust, and creating productive conversations.
1. The Importance of Quiet Listening
The three bad listeners: the Opinionator, the Preambler, and the Answer Man. They talk too
much and their comments don't help the conversation. Instead of listening and understanding,
they focus on showing off their own ideas. This is a problem in leadership because great leaders
are good listeners, not people who just talk to make themselves look good. Successful leaders
often listen thoughtfully and ask questions to get more useful information. A manager who
listens patiently to an employee and asks meaningful questions (like "Can you tell me more
about that?") can help the employee think more deeply and solve problems together.
2. The 80/20 Rule of Listening
A good listener should follow the 80/20 rule. This means 80% of the conversation should be the
other person talking, and only 20% should be you talking. Your role is to guide the conversation
by asking questions, helping others think deeper, and staying focused on the issue.In a meeting,
instead of dominating the conversation, the manager asks questions like "Have you thought
about it from this angle?" or "What would happen if we did this?" to make the conversation more
focused and helpful.
3. When to Interrupt
Interrupting can be helpful sometimes, but it should be done carefully. Before you speak, ask
yourself: Will my comment help the other person think deeper or clarify something? If not, stay
quiet.
If someone is explaining a problem but doesn't go into detail, you might ask, "Can you explain
more about that?" This encourages them to share more information that could help solve the
problem.
4. The Value of Silence
Sometimes, it's better to stay quiet. When you pause for a moment before speaking, the other
person may continue talking and provide more important details. Silence is a powerful tool that
can lead to better understanding.
Example: If a client explains a problem, instead of jumping in immediately, you wait for a few
moments. This could lead the client to share more, helping you understand the problem better.
5. Using Questions to Guide Conversations
When you speak, use questions instead of statements. This helps to move the conversation
forward without dominating it. Good questions help clarify things and lead to better solutions. If
someone is stuck on a problem, you can ask, "Have you considered how this might affect your
team?" This question can help them think about things from a new perspective.
Key Concepts:
1. Challenging Assumptions: The idea is that to make good decisions, we must be willing to
question and revise our long-held beliefs. This process is crucial because often, our
assumptions limit our understanding of a situation and prevent us from considering
alternative perspectives.
2. The Danger of Certainty: The passage explains that feeling certain about something
doesn't necessarily mean it's true. Often, our certainty is just a feeling based on
incomplete information or assumptions, which can mislead us.
○ Example: The neurologist Robert Burton argues in his book On Being Certain
that certainty is a mental state, not a guarantee of truth. We can feel certain
about things like market predictions or scientific outcomes, but that doesn’t make
them accurate.
3. The Role of Listening: Listening is essential for learning and improving decision-making.
Good listeners, like Sherlock Holmes, don't just stick to their initial conclusions. They
remain open to new ideas and are ready to revise their thinking when presented with
new information.
○ Example: Sherlock Holmes never assumes he knows everything. In The Hound
of the Baskervilles, he interrupts Watson's reasoning, saying "I presume nothing."
This means he keeps his mind open to all possibilities, never ruling out a
potential solution without proper evidence.
4. Business Implications: In business, like in baseball or detective work, decisions are
rarely straightforward. Business leaders, like U.S. Secretaries of State, often have
someone whose job it is to challenge their assumptions and force them to think critically
about their decisions.
○ Example: A counselor to the U.S. Secretary of State plays the role of questioning
the secretary's assumptions, helping them avoid mistakes by ensuring they don't
become overconfident or rigid in their thinking.
Key Ideas:
1. Focus and Presence: Like a surgeon or a pilot who needs to concentrate in
high-pressure situations, listening effectively requires undivided attention. This means
tuning out distractions and focusing on the conversation at hand. For example, if a
businessperson is listening to a new product pitch, they need to fully concentrate and not
let their mind wander to other concerns, like a performance review.
2. Compartmentalizing: This is the ability to separate different tasks or thoughts in your
mind. For instance, if a CEO is dealing with a complicated contract negotiation and then
has to immediately focus on refinancing discussions, they mentally set aside the first
issue to fully address the second. This prevents confusion and enhances clarity during
conversations.
3. Emotional Control (Decoupling): Listening is also impacted by emotions. Negative
emotions, like anxiety or resentment, can make it difficult to focus, while positive
emotions, like excitement, can lead to overly enthusiastic responses that prevent proper
listening. Learning to separate emotions from the conversation allows for better
comprehension. For example, if someone feels threatened or defensive during a
meeting, it can block their ability to truly listen to what others are saying.
4. Techniques for Better Listening:
○ Taking Notes: Writing down key points can help you stay engaged and remember
important details, but it should be done without losing eye contact or focus on the
conversation.
○ Mindfulness or Observation: Stepping back mentally to observe the conversation,
like imagining it’s being filmed, can help you better understand the conversation's
purpose and keep your attention on the key points.
○ Killer Question: Finding a critical question during the conversation that helps
clarify the main issue can refocus both you and the other person, allowing for
more effective communication.
Imagine you're in a meeting discussing a new marketing strategy, but you're also worried about
an upcoming deadline for another project. If you don’t compartmentalize, you might miss
important details in the meeting because your mind is distracted by the other project. If you
practice power listening, you'll focus entirely on the marketing discussion, ignore external
distractions, and take notes to stay engaged. By the end of the meeting, you’ll have a clear
understanding of the strategy, and your ability to make decisions will be much stronger.
